#i actually recently had the most humbling experience ive ever had

[god1ngs]

/kill god1ngs /j

- mumza but ooc

gotta humble me rq /j

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[villainess-noble-girl]

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Title: Second-Year Valentine's Day

Author: meiberry

Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12852677/1/Second-Year-Valentine-s-Day

Fandom: Kenkyo Kenjitsu

Pairing: EnjouXReika

Photo: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/67148847

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

"No. I'm not going to take it. It's going to make me sleepy. Plus it tastes like soap."

The muffled voice of Yukino came from beneath the covers. The IV drip tube poked out from the ball of sheets in the hospital bed.

Shuusuke sighed at his little brother's stubborn actions. Good thing he came prepared for this. "Yukino. Kisshouin-san wrote you a letter."

The ball of sheets shifted, and Yukino's head popped out from beneath the covers, his doe peering up at Enjou in surprise. "...Reika-oneesama?"

Shuusuke held up a small pink envelope with "Yukino-kun" written in neat handwriting in the center. Yukino reached for it when Shuusuke swept it back out of reach with a gentle smile.

"..." Sullenly, Yukino obediently drank the medicine. Watching as he finished it, Shuusuke patted his head and handed him a glass of water with a piece of candy to take care of the medicine's bitter aftertaste. Yukino popped the candy in his mouth with one hand and eagerly held out the other, looking up at Shuusuke expectantly. Shuusuke handed him the letter and watched as his little brother opened it earnestly.

In the beginning, Shuusuke was pretty surprised to see him get along so well with an older girl. Usually, Yukino was not so nice. He was a really smart kid for his young age, and many older girls had been trapped by his soft, harmless facade only to be humiliated and insulted beyond repair. But recently, Shuusuke found that with Kisshouin, Yukino seemed to genuinely act like his appearance.

Shuusuke could see why. Kisshouin clearly didn't have any ulterior motives when speaking to Yukino. Older girls usually saw Yukino as a means to an end. If they weren't patronizing then they were obsequious, obviously trying to use the younger brother to get to the older one. But when it came to Kisshouin… if anything, it was as if her treatment of the two brothers was reversed. In the ten years of knowing her, the very first time that Kisshouin started a one-on-one conversation with Shuusuke that lasted longer than one minute happened to be because Yukino. It was a dreadfully humbling experience. Yukino has sure put up with a lot these past few years.

In any case, no matter how devilish he was to other people, in the end, Yukino really was still a little boy, and Shuusuke was simply grateful that he was able to be just a normal, cute kid with someone, even if it was a girl who clearly didn't put Shuusuke in her eyes.

He watched peacefully as his little brother's eyes happily flew across the letter.

"Kisshouin-san really cares about Yukino."

Yukino shot a glance over at him, "What? Is oniisama jealous?" And then he continued reading his letter.

"And don't think that I don't realize you told her to write this to make me obediently stay in the hospital."

Shuusuke smiled wryly. When he could tell Yukino was finished reading, he continued, "Well, Yukino seems to really like Kisshouin-san. I thought maybe you would listen if she asked you personally."

Yukino smiled, happy from finishing Kisshouin's letter. "Yeah, I do like her. Reika-oneesama is really nice and she's not just pretending. Do you want to read it, oniisama? I'll let you read it, since you asked her to write this for me. I'm going to the bathroom."

Yukino handed the letter to Shuusuke as he climbed out of bed and grabbed at his drip stand to roll it into the bathroom in the room.

Shuusuke blinked at the letter in his hands. Although he didn't ask to read it, he was honestly pretty curious. What did she say to Yukino to cheer him up, anyways?

The letter was not very long, and it fit neatly on the cute stationary decorated with little birds and vines.

Yukino-kun,

Enjou-sama told me that you are admitted to the hospital. I am worried for your health. Your family must be even more worried than me. I hope you take care of your body because many people care about you very much, and we want for you to quickly become well again. With that said, I hope you listen to the doctor so that you can leave the hospital soon. I know that sometimes it is really hard to do something you don't like. But experts have their reasons for their advice.

Recently I have been learning to make desserts from a friend. To be honest, my dessert-making skill is much farther behind my cooking. I think I know what to do when I try to be creative and individual with my own ideas, but actually, my friend tells me that the greatest mistake in baking is not following from the recipe. This is completely different from cooking, where not following the recipe is not that big of a deal. When I listened to my friend, I made a dessert more delicious than anything I'd ever made in my life! I realized at that moment, ah, so that is the difference between a normal person and an expert. With that said, I hope you understand the importance of listening to experts such as your doctor.

When you come back, you'll be able to see your other friends and me in the Petite Pivoine salon again.

Wishing you a quick recovery,

Kisshouin Reika

By the time Yukino returned from the bathroom, Shuusuke had already finished reading the letter and had set it on the tray over the foot of Yukino's bed.

"So, what did you think of Kisshouin-san's letter? Are you going to listen to her when she asks to you listen to to doctor's advice?"

"I guess." Yukino sat at the foot of the bed and picked up the letter again, folding it and carefully putting it back in its envelope before he flopped back into bed, pulling the covers over himself. "The way she asks me to listen to the doctor is just less irritating than when you ask me to listen to the doctor."

Shuusuke helped put the covers over Yukino.

"I wonder why Reika-oneesama is learning to make desserts." Yukino looked at Shuusuke, his eyes widening. "Valentine's Day is coming up, isn't it? I wonder what Reika-oneesama is making…"

"Hmm. Who knows."

"I wonder if she's learning to bake something for the person she likes..."

"Hmm. Who knows."

Yukino's eyes widened like big dark marbles as he looked at Shuusuke.

"You're curious, too, aren't you oniisama? Ne, ne, what kinds of sweets has oniisama received from Reika-oneesama on Valentine's day?"

"Actually, I've never received anything from Kisshouin-san on Valentine's Day."

"Ehhhhh!"

Shuusuke thought about how in the ten years since he's known Kisshouin Reika, she has never given anyone Valentine's chocolates. Year after year, the whole school secretly held its breath in wonder at who the Goddess Kali of Suiran would afflict with her attentions. And year after year the answer was an anti-climatic… nobody.

Kisshouin Reika never gave anybody at Suiran chocolates for Valentine's day. Him and Masaya were not excluded.

Ah, wait, that's not right. Last year she gave courtesy chocolates to the student council president. In fact, Shuusuke was the one who pointed this out to Masaya... Even though she had done it in secret, for Kisshouin Reika to give chocolates to a guy at Suiran was no small matter and in the end the word leaked anyways. Because she had done it pretty secretively, there were no massive rumours, but the thing about secrets was that they always spread. Shuusuke heard about it from the more low-key sources.

Back then, he had remembered how she seemed to have had a crush on the same student council president back in middle school, but nothing had happened even after all these years. For nothing to have happened all this time, what other conclusion was it other than unrequited love? He hinted at this story of camaraderie to Masaya in hopes of inspiring him to move on with his life. Unrequited love was not the end of the world. Just look at Kisshouin-san.

Who knew that the whole thing would have worked out so beautifully at graduation. Tomoe Senju actually had a girlfriend! And he called Kisshouin Reika a sister in front of everybody. Masaya was so moved by Kisshouin's composure and courage. Shuusuke felt like he was watching Masaya watch a romance movie. Out of all the times that he's taken advantage of Kisshouin, Shuusuke felt most proud about the way that one turned out. Witnessing the way Kisshouin "handled" the student council president's "public rejection" totally inspired Masaya and brought him back from depression. He completely recovered from Yurie's rejection after that.

Yukino's marble eyes seemed to glitter in wonder as he looked up at the handsome young man sitting beside the bed.

"Wow, even though every year it seems like you get chocolates from every single girl we know, there is actually one girl who has never given you any chocolates… not even once! Hehhh..."

Yukino did not look or sound sympathetic at all with the the corner of his lips twitching upwards.

"That reminds me... when we first met and I introduced myself, Reika-oneesama made a 'geh!' face when she heard my name, like she was really saddened to hear that Oniisama was my oniisama... I thought that maybe she hated you!"

"Hmm. I sure hope Kisshouin-san doesn't hate me. But if she does hate me, then that's unfortunate."

"No, no. I don't think Reika-oneesama hates you, Oniisama! She probably doesn't even think about you at all."

"..." Shuusuke's expression remained serene as he stayed silent.

Yukino looked at his face and suddenly giggled. Shuusuke joined in with a few chuckles. For a short moment, they laughed together.

"Ahahaha…"

"Hahaha…"

"..."

"..."

Yukino turned over in bed. "Don't worry, oniisama. Maybe one day Reika-oneesama will also remember to give you chocolates, too."

"..."

"Oh yeah, oniisama, could you find me something to write with? I want to write Reika-oneesama a reply."

"...Alright. I'll go find you some paper."

The next morning, Shuusuke thanked Kisshouin for her letter to Yukino. She looked really happy that it helped. Yeah, it was really useful. She was pretty humble.

"Yukino said that it was fun to read about making sweets."

"I could only think of unimportant things to say… well..."

Hm, there it was. Shuusuke could always hear the instant whenever it sounded like Kisshouin was trying to wrap up a conversation and escape. Usually, he'd just let her go. But for some reason, he didn't feel like it this time. The words Yukino said yesterday skipped around his mind, reviving an old and annoying itch.

"So Kisshouin-san is making sweets. Could it be that on Valentine's day..."

"Umm…" He watched as Kisshouin's eyes lowered, her cheeks blushing very lightly. He could imagine her cheeks must have been warm to the touch now. "Yes..."

"Hn."

It'd be a lie to say that he never expected any chocolates from Kisshouin Reika. It wasn't to say that he wanted her chocolates or anything like that. In fact, the idea of actually eating Kisshouin Reika's handmade sweets seemed like something that belonged to the realms of extreme adventures and chemically dangerous thrill-seeking. Although, whether or not Reika's chocolates are edible, Shuusuke wouldn't want to eat them anyways, as he didn't have a sweet tooth, but...

...He still expected to get them.

It was about logic. If a girl knew Enjou Shuusuke, then she would give him chocolates on Valentine's day. (The same applied to Kaburagi Masaya.) Three of five of chocolates would be honmei. That was the rule. He knew it was a very unique and extraordinary rule. Certainly not every boy in the world had the ridiculous privilege of receiving a mountain of chocolates and sweets from all the girls he knew. But, that was his experience.

In accordance with his life experience, it was natural to expect chocolates from a girl he knew when he's always received chocolates from every girl he knew. With no exceptions.

Except this one.

[wexhappyxfew]

Writing - The Soldier of Stars: Band of Brothers

recently, ive really been cracking down on writing my most recent band of brothers story, the soldier of stars, which had been previously named metanoia. and i just wanted to introduce you all to the characters. i got a little anxious writing today and overwhelmed, i dont even know why, and i decided that just to do something like this would be fun and cute just so i could show these characters ive created! :)

The Soldier of Stars

* Alternate History Genre *

Where the US Military decides to bring in women from branches of the military that had been created for women, such as the WAC, SPARs, and the Cadet Nurses’ Corps. These 3 women end up being selected as part of the 250 women for the program, something the public eye will not know about. These 3 women have been selected to join the Airborne, specifically the 101st Airborne and part of the 506th Infantry Division as members of Easy Company. This will be their story.

DISCLAIMER: all ranks shown below are their ranks at the end of the war. :)

Sergeant Hazel Parker

played by sophie cookson

Hazel Parker is the main oc in The Soldier of Stars. Hazel Parker comes from the town of Pigeon Forge, a little town in the Appalachian Mountains of Tennessee. Hazel has always been recollected as someone who is humble, quiet, doesn’t speak much about herself, and fairly closed off to other people. She usually has issues when it comes to trusting people, and she is one to stray away from large amounts of people. She feels safer alone.

Hazel, as a child, had always been deeply fascinated with the stars, but ever since her father left, they’d always been a constant in her life to look up to and admire from afar. They brought safety, and comfort and light in a various amount of situations.

She lives with her mother, in a comfortable little cabin in the woods in the mountains, and was trained as someone who could use a weapon and hunt. Her father had taught her for years before he left the family during the Depression.

So when she went to become part of the WAC, she trained hard and humbly, with a silent, but can do attitude that immediately drew the attention of the other girls. Hazel had signed up to be part of the program for women to be intergrated into the US Military with the men.

She would be a sniper for the paratroopers, using an M1903A4 rifle with a Redfield scope, and become one of the deadliest surprises the Germans would face in the war.

Lieutenant Catherine McCown

played by victoria pendretti

Catherine McCown is a secondary oc in The Soldier of Stars. Catherine comes from upstate New York, from a family farm in Saratoga Springs. Catherine has always been a powerful force, from a family full of military leaders. She’s always level-headed and can make quick decisions, and she’s always regarded as highly intelligent and valedictorian of her senior class. She regards many of her successes to the tough teachers she had that helped her along the way.

Catherine had a large family, her mother and father had welcomed 6 children into the world, and 3 had gone off to the war. Catherine felt obligated that she were to go too, but with restrictions where women could fight and what they could, Catherine could only get as far as SPARs.

SPARs was the perfect opportunity for Catherine to get as close to the war as she could. She quickly rose through the ranks in her training in Oklahoma, and by the end of training she was the equivalent of a platoon leader in the Army.

She was popular amongst the women in SPARs but she never let it get to her head. A good leader never let it get to their head and Catherine always went by that. But Catherine was virtually like a mother to the women she trained with in many ways, a few years older than most of them, and she was wise beyond her years in many senses. It was a weight she carried around, though, but she learned to hold that up, because she didn’t want to let anyone down.

She had seen enough of the dehumanizing war and was first to sign up when the lists came out for the program to get women into the military. She was accepted as a member of the Airborne, with Easy Company as a rifleman, using a Thompson as her choice of weapon. Catherine would go on to use her quick-thinking, and charming intelligent skills she had aquired over the years to assist Easy Company in any way she could and to fight for what was right.

Corporal ( Doc ) Elizabeth Elliot

played by madelyn cline

Elizabeth Elliot is a secondary oc in The Soldier of Stars. Elizabeth comes from Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she comes from a family of doctors and nurses. She spent her summers on Lake Michigan and her winters at the local hospital doing volunteer work, while attending college for her degree. Elizabeth is regarded as a happy and helpful person, who, when the time is right, takes charge on situations and becomes the face to look for. She knows how to stay calm in scary and overwhelming situations and she has been told to have a gentle touch that can calm anybody with a serious injury.

One of Elizabeth’s biggest motivators is her grandmother, who has cancer. She got Luekemia, and even though she puts on a brave face, Elizabeth knows when her grandmother is hurting. Elizabeth is the same way, she hides her emotions and how she truly feels from people because she believes that will make it better in the end. But Elizabeth knows that attachment is most cases can be the thing that destroys you.

She knows joining the Cadet Nurses’ Corps is the right place to go when the war breaks out. She signed up almost immediately and was quickly brought into the program. With her years of experience the followed her, she rose through the ranks so that by graduation, she was one of the main officers in charge of teaching new women that came in how the Corps ran.

When news broke that 250 women would be accepted into the military as program to get women intergrated into the US Military with men, Elizabeth, though hesitant, signed up. She was assigned to the 101st, along with Easy Company and eventually a combat medic. She was fighting for her grandmother and for those in the hospital she couldn’t save.

Elizabeth would become one of the most prominent combat medics of Easy Company, and a force to be reckoned with when you went against instructions, but she would be the gentle face you would see, when you thought there was no happiness left.

=====================================

This story is Alternate History so this did not actually happen during World War 2. But I believed that the prominece of women who were involved in different branches of the military in different programs were important even if they weren’t on the front lines. So bringing them closer to the war in this way through this sort of genre, was an exciting idea I discussed with a writer friend, that I hope that anyone who wants to read it would be happy too! :)

I am currently on Episode 10 of writing, and I an hoping to update soon as well. Currently, it is only on Wattpad, under the same username wexhappyxfew, and there are 11 parts up currently, showing the characters and giving background, a short summary and a prologue as well!

If you want, I can possibly start posting little things of how and why I characterized my characters the way I did, why I titled the story, why I went with the routes I went with for where the characters come from. Different things like that. I feel I would enjoy it and it would help with writing. So basically if you have any questions mostly! :) 💛

thank you all who have read this!!

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Alex Recommends: April Books

First of all, I want to offer my apologies for this post being a couple of days later than usual. I’ve been feeling pretty down for the last few days and I’m only just starting to step into the light again. Not being able to see so many people I love is starting to take its toll on me and I can feel myself getting irritable over small things. Whenever I realise that I’m being petty or getting annoyed over silly things, it has a knock-on effect on my self-esteem which then causes me to berate myself and hate anything I try to produce. So as you can imagine, the recent past hasn’t been full of ideal conditions to write anything good, whether that be blog posts, cover letters or my own fiction. I’ll get there though, I’m sure.

If you missed them earlier on this month, I wrote two posts full of books that are highly appropriate to our current situation. One is full of the best novels that centre on pandemics and the other is full of books to lift your spirits. Check them out, if you haven’t already cause I guarantee that one of them will have exactly what you need. 

I have read some other great books too and as ever, here are five that I haven’t reviewed or mentioned already this month but that you should definitely pick up. There’s a great mixture this month too, so hopefully one of these might pique your interests. Till next time, stay safe and take care! -Love, Alex x

SHOULD HAVE READ IT YEARS AGO: The Beginning of the World in the Middle of the Night by Jen Campbell

Jen Campbell is a very respected BookTuber and author. Hers was one of the first BookTube channels I began watching around eight years ago and I learnt so much about various mythologies and original folktales from her. I’ve had a copy of this book of her short stories for a little while and something compelled me to pick it up this month. My favourites include the title story written as a conversation between a couple as they discuss various theories on the beginning of the world; Margaret, Mary and the End of the World which details the parallels between a young pregnant Catholic girl and the immaculate conception in a very clever way and Aunt Libby’s Coffin Hotel, where those with a fear of death can experience a simulated version of it every night of their stay. Glittering with glimpses of traditional fairytales, myths and folklore, these strange, dark and whimsical stories are the perfect companion to a lonely night.

FICTION: Dominicana by Angie Cruz      

On New Year’s Day 1965, 15-year-old Ana is forced to marry Juan Ruiz, a man twice her age who will take her away from her humble home in the Dominican Republic to an apartment in New York City. Her parents have assured her that it is the best thing for the family and that she will create a better life in the States which they will all eventually be able to join. But with political turmoil bubbling away in her homeland and feelings simmering for a man who isn’t her husband, Ana realises that perhaps her life won’t quite be the simple comfortable one she has been promised. Full of forbidden doomed romances, Dominicana is a beautifully written novel about a culture and time period that I’ve never read before. I learnt so much about the struggles and emotional pain that girls like Ana suffer. Forced marriages aren’t something that have been left in the 1960s, so although the book is set over 50 years ago, it actually reads as somewhat contemporary. It’s not hard to see why it was recently shortlisted for the Women’s Prize for Fiction.

MIDDLE-GRADE: TrooFriend by Kirsty Applebaum

Ivy is Sarah’s TrooFriend 560 Mark IV, a highly sophisticated android who doesn’t harm, lie, steal or envy. Advertised as the ‘Better Choice For Your Child’, the TrooFriend is flying out of the factory doors, thanks to eager parents. However, rumours that the TrooFriend 560 Mark IV can experience real human emotions and could potentially be dangerous are stirring but that’s not true of Ivy... is it? Told from Ivy’s perspective, my heart went on a crazy ride with this one! It raises questions about rapid developments in AI and the potential relevance to human rights and ethics that comes with that. It brings up the idea that the technology industry has multiple dark secrets that the average consumer has no idea about. It’s easily the most unique middle-grade book I’ve ever read and I couldn’t put it down. Perhaps the perfect (very gentle) nudge into worlds like Black Mirror for 9-12 year olds.

YA: Loveboat, Taipei by Abigail Hing Wen

Ever Wong’s strict Chinese parents try their best to nip their daughter’s dancing dream in the bud by sending her to Taiwan to study Mandarin. Highly reluctant Ever finds herself spending her summer amongst over-achieving rich kids but what her parents don’t know is that this is actually Loveboat, a study program where clubbing and romance is much higher on students’ to-do lists. Intense friendships, a love square, the fake-dating trope and drama after drama, my bleeding heart was hooked. There is a lot of adult content in this book which could potentially class it as ‘new-adult’ rather than YA and I’d definitely say that this is for readers aged 16 and over. However, it does have some of my favourite elements of YA -self-discovery and pushing through the boundaries that have been set for you. Bonus information nugget: Loveboat is actually a real study and social program for Chinese-American students!

LITERARY FICTION: My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

In 2000, when she was 15, Vanessa Wye had an intense passionate affair with her English professor, 42-year-old Jacob Strane. An affair that went on intermittently for years. In 2017, another of his students has accused Strane of sexual abuse and she wants Vanessa to tell her story and testify against a man she has been in love with since she was a teenager. There is so much explored in this breathtaking novel including trauma, obsession, consent, abuse of power but also the complexities of who truly holds the power in a relationship. I’ve never read a sexual abuse story where the lines are so blurred or a character quite as fresh and inherently believable like Vanessa. You’ll need to set some time apart to inhale this heady intense cocktail of a novel.  

[the-bounce-back]

THE CONFIDENCE CHRONICLES IV - CONFIDENCE IN YOUR CRAFT

This is post 4/5 of my “Confidence Chronicles” series, in which I discuss the mindsets, actions and thought processes I’ve applied to build/rebuild my confidence in different aspects of my life. The goal of these 5 posts is for you readers to be able to apply relevant points to your own insecurities in order to combat them, and hopefully aid in building your own confidence over time.

_____________

Oooh, check me out with the post consistency. That’s how you know it’s a new year and decade, baby!

I’d like to start off by saying that I have been excited to write this post in particular for quite a long while now - literally since about July last year. However, my life was a bit of a mess at the time, and I didn’t want to put the previous post on hold, so it had to wait until now. 

Maybe this was for the best, though - this post is going to be about confidence in your craft and the projects you put out into the world. Although I was literally planning on writing this post around 7 months ago, I can honestly say that my confidence levels in my own projects have never been higher than right now, so writing about it now makes more sense. See, procrastination helps!

Anyways. To kick this post off, I want to take some time to acknowledge my many talents. Besides my *impeccable* blogging skills, not many people know that I’ve dabbled in acting and drumming in the past, and I am currently also writing a book (more about that in a future post) and getting back into interior design, learning new languages and drawing. These are my current favourite pastimes, and what I say to people whenever I’m asked what my “hobbies” are. 

The reason why I’m sharing this is because I want people to understand that unless you are vocal about your passions, how the hell are other people meant to be able to support and appreciate your work? It goes without saying that bigging yourself up and showing off your talents can feel extremely vain if you are a naturally reserved/humble person - but my hope is that this post will teach you how to be more confident in your work.

I am very excited to share this post because I am blessed to have friends of what feels like millions of different talents. Actors, musicians, podcasters, poets, youtubers, models, MUA’s, chefs, hair stylists… the list goes on, and it makes me so proud to see that they are all in their respective creative bags right now - so this post is somewhat dedicated to them as well if they ever have feelings of insecurity in their talents.

I will be talking about what I have found to be the most important factors of being confident in your creativity, not letting criticism (constructive or otherwise) make you want to give up, and getting over the initial fear of putting something you’ve created out into the world, because let’s face it; sharing something you’ve created can be incredibly vulnerable. You are essentially sharing a private aspect of yourself for the world to critically analyse, and it’s normal to find this daunting - however, it’s all about how you handle it.

Based on my own experiences and anonymous examples from my friends, I will try my best to explain how best to develop a deep sense of confidence and pride in your creative endeavours.

1. Ensure that you are doing your craft out of passion.

Regardless of if you are creating content solely for your own enjoyment or to capitalise on it, I definitely think that it is imperative that what you are doing fills you with joy and that you are excited to do the activity. This may sound like a no-brainer, but I feel like I see a lot of people nowadays forcing themselves to pursue certain endeavours due to influences from social media, or are forcing themselves to capitalise off a hobby they used to love, but now hate because of the added pressure of having to create content/products for the target audience. 

This is partly why I am apprehensive about ways of monetising this blog - or any of my other creative projects, for that matter. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind, but my biggest fear is starting to resent an activity I once loved because of external pressure such as deadlines, not having full creative control and having to “tread carefully” with the messages I put out, if that makes sense.

Pursuing a hobby for the sole purpose of others is never going to make you feel that what you’re creating is good. Constantly trying to please the masses as opposed to just doing whatever makes you feel happy is always going to make you feel anxious and scared of the reception, I think. Instead, I’d suggest that you evaluate what is more important to you: approval or enjoyment. If it’s the former, then by all means… keep forcing yourself to pursue hobbies that may or may not give you recognition. Who knows - maybe you’ll blow up and get the sponsorships, money and fans that you want, and I don’t even mean this in a petty or sarcastic way. If that’s what you set out to do, then I’d be very happy for you.

However, I reiterate: pursuing a hobby for anyone other than yourself runs a great risk of becoming a burden in the long run, as well as a risk of losing your self confidence when you don’t get the attention or accolades that you believe that you deserve. 

I think I have an issue with the above because it relates back to past posts in which I’ve discussed humans’ desperation to be approved and acknowledged by their peers. It alludes to a deeply rooted insecurity in yourself, your abilities and your belief in said abilities - I only say this because this literally used to be me before deciding to sack everyone off and do whatever the f*ck I wanted.

Personally, my dream scenario would be for people to find a hobby that they are truly passionate about and that they can capitalise off in a way that doesn’t restrict their creative process and that is on their own terms. Because, let’s be honest - receiving money and accolades doing something that you truly love is a major confidence boost… regardless of if the money and recognition motivates you or not. But the bottom line is that your confidence in your creativity should not be rooted in anything else but your own joy.

2. Appoint a/some constructive critic(s).

It goes without saying that true confidence comes from ~*wItHiN*~, but there is nothing wrong with looking to friends and/or family for opinions and support. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that having someone who understands your vision and wants you to achieve your goals is a must. 

This someone is a crucial part of the creative process, because they will ideally motivate (aka bully...exactly like the gif above) you into meeting the deadlines you set for yourself, give you honest feedback and give you a kick up the arse on the days where you don’t really feel like doing anything. They will remind you of the reason why you started your project when you feel like giving up - and having someone like this in your corner that unconditionally believes in you is a massive ego boost. 

Something that’s even better than having one person in your corner is having multiple people in your corner. And something that’s even better than having multiple people in your corner, is having multiple people in your corner that are also creative and have their own projects going on. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a group of people with the exact same hobby as you (although this definitely helps too!), but surrounding yourself with people that are also making things happen for themselves gives you a beautiful sense of community. I can only speak for myself, but forming friendships with other creatives has definitely helped me come out of my shell. I still remember when I first “pitched” my blog idea to my friends - thinking that I’d get a lukewarm response (because let’s face it… a lot of people unfortunately don’t enjoy reading anymore) - but the positive feedback and support I got is what gave me the confidence to actually start. And when I was on my hiatus, I’d be harassed for updates on when my next post was coming, and brutally dragged when I didn’t post on the days I had promised. The same goes for their projects as well - it was only recently that we had to bully someone for not releasing their podcast when they said they would.

Another aspect of having a group of critics that believe in you is the motivation you get from seeing them putting their plans into action. Honestly. Seeing my friends’ work ethics and how hard they grind makes me want to be better - not only to keep up, but for myself in general.

The bottom line is that although you don’t need people in your corner to get started, it is definitely a major asset to have. You should be confident that your work is great by your own accord, but getting it confirmed - or receiving feedback for improvements - is just another key to improving your confidence.

3. Do not be afraid of vulnerability (if your craft requires you to do so).

Believe me… I get it. Putting out something you’ve created for the entire planet to see can be incredibly daunting, especially if a lot of emotion has gone into it. It feels like you’re putting a very dainty and vulnerable part of you out on a perilous battlefield, out in the open where nowhere to take cover. This is where a lot of us (myself included) tend to overthink sharing our work, or in some cases chose not to share it at all. If only you guys knew how many draft posts have ended up in the bin because I was worried about being judged (they’re being revived though, fear not!)... it’s mad how much fear and anxiety can hold you back from being great.

This is where it’s important to understand the power of being able to be vulnerable, honest and open through your selected medium. As cringe as it sounds, opening your heart to the world and letting people see your insecurities, unresolved issues and things you’d much rather hide leads to the situations power over you significantly diminishing. And the more you do it, the closer you get to the situation no longer being able to hurt you anymore - because once it’s out in the open, nothing or no one can actually tell you sh*t. Once you get to the point of no longer caring who knows what your internal struggles are, I promise that you feel insanely confident and empowered, because you are no longer living in fear.

 Another beautiful aspect of vulnerability in relation to self-confidence is that ever so often, you get to hear that your work has genuinely helped, inspired or motivated someone. I know I said that validation and approval from others isn’t the best reason for pursuing a hobby, but this is different in the sense that you’re doing your thing regardless of if you get positive feedback for it - the recognition is truly just a bonus, but a contributor to increased confidence all the same.

Hopefully, utilising these three methods will make you feel a great deal more confident about your creative projects/side hustles for the following reasons:

You’re doing this project primarily because it brings you joy.

The way I see it, taking time out of your day to do something that makes you genuinely happy is an act of self-care and incredibly empowering, in the sense that we are choosing to not be distracted and led astray by the infinite amount of garbage media that is constantly in our faces due to social media. Being able to make time on a project - whatever it may be - that brings you happiness and engages your right brain is a massive blessing in our age group, as we take on more and more responsibilities that eat up our time and drain us.

A cute metaphor for this could be that your day to day routine is a desert. Going to work/uni, doing work/uni related projects, doing chores around the house and all your other responsibilities is walking around for hours in the sun, making us drained, famished and parched. Our hobbies should be like a much-welcomed oasis, providing us with water, food, shade and somewhere to recharge (joy, inspiration, motivation and a well-deserved break for the brain).

 Okay, that was a bit cringe. But you get the point - allowing ourselves to have something in this hard life to enjoy is a confidence boost in itself.

After paying attention to the feedback you get, you’ll become even more skilled at your craft over time.

It’s no conundrum that experience equals expertise, and that constantly improving your creative process in accordance with feedback from someone you know understands your vision will make you more sure of yourself in the long run.

Think about it: if you’re already doing something you genuinely love, and you have a trusted person/trusted people in your life to turn to for genuine opinions, how can you not win? 

By “winning”, I mean your work getting progressively better over time, combined with a feeling of security and support from your peers. I mean becoming more emotionally, mentally, spiritually and maybe even financially (if you’re so inclined) stable through doing something you genuinely love. The prize is peace of mind, feeling supported, and full creative control of your work - and I honestly can’t think of anything more satisfying.

You’re taking control of your doubts and insecurities and flipping them into assets.

For me, this is a no brainer. What could possibly be more confidence-boosting than overcoming insecurities and being able to use them to your advantage in your creative endeavours? It’s literally what my entire blog is based upon, and writing about things that have caused me a great deal of pain in the past has ended up being a very therapeutic and cathartic experience, as well as extremely empowering - in the sense that I don’t allow certain situations have control over me anymore. I can now focus on continuing to heal, and help others who may come across my work in the meantime.

Having a personal project that challenges you to face and overcome your insecurities is something that I think everyone should try to have. It might get hard at times and extremely tempting to quit, but once your work is ready for the world to see I promise you that you’ll get a boost in confidence. 

By keeping these three points in mind, I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll feel infinitely more confident in your creative projects. Knowing that you’re putting your entire heart into a project that you are sharing with the whole world, knowing that you have supporters that you can trust with honest opinions and feedback and knowing that you’ve stayed true to yourself regardless of if the norm enjoys is an ideal state of mind to be in.

On a final note, I want to reiterate that there is no “wrong” or “right” way to have a hobby and gain confidence from it. This post is just general guidelines that really helped me come out of my shell creatively, and I’d like to think it’d work for others too. However, you know best how comfortable you are with exposing your work and what your existing confidence levels are like, so please proceed accordingly (and don’t blame me if things go tits up because you decided not to take the time to listen to yourself!).

Love,

Liv

[rockformed]

All the emojis. All. of. them.

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

umm not to be That Depressing Bitch but back in 2016 i was in a really bad place and considered running away from home and maybe something else bad but course i didnt in the end and im glad i never did

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

my friends who live in different states or countries :’(

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

CELEBI is my all time favorite cause the first piece of pokemon media i ever saw was the movie with them in it!!

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

NO MORE CAPITALISM

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

it’s a long one but the TLDR of it is that i was an orphan being raised by a strange man living on the outskirts of a post-apocalyptic town and the dream felt like it lasted for days

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

god he has such a fucking good sense of humor and he makes me laugh harder than anyone ever has

😘 talk about your crush or partner

they’re really funny and i just love being around them all the time, no matter what we’re doing. it just feels natural 

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

only if it was like, being purposely really rude, otherwise no

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

uhhh physically or otherwise?? physically i really like my hands, my legs and my hair :>

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

we talkin phobia’s or innermost fears?? im really scared of the dark but also im really scared that no one will ever love me the way i love them lmao annnd overcoming it?? im really not sure

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

my best friend, my cat and drawing

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i hate hate hate it when people brag, even the tiniest amount. i dont really know why

😤 do you get angry easily?

ehhhh depends what im getting angry at. with politics i get really into it but otherwise, nah

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

.....................uhh....... not to be corny but being in love

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

i would change the way we treat the earth, the way we treat each other, and also i’d want it to be so that everyone has a chance at doing what they really want to do with their lives (not to sound like a miss america contestant or anything)

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

you didnt send me 4 names anon :p

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

ugh, tied between tokyo and stockholm sweden. tokyo because i absolutely love everything about it, the transportation the shops the food the homes, and stockholm for basically the same reasons.

☕️ talk about your ideal day

playing video games with my friends or being out at my art school all day, drawing :3c

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

intro. i love my friends and im getting more comfortable around people, but i just prefer to be home.

💧 when was the last time you cried?

the beginning of april

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

grandson - 6:00, any beach boys song, robert palmer - simply irresistible, john waite - missing you, and the entirety of gorillaz new album

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

flight!! ive always had the fantasy of flying up into really tall trees and just people watching all day

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont put so much stock into one skill, diversify yourself. and do your homework

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

ive noticed lately that i get jealous really easily when someone i dont know is hanging out with friends of mine. its a me issue though, i know that

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

ugh. this is a hard one....... i think .......kindness

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

im ashamed of the fact that i dont know how to flirt at ALL because i feel like i’d be further along with Some Stuff if i did 

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

just english ;; i know a tiny bit of spanish and i can understand it on paper, but thats it. id love to learn japanese or hebrew someday

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

oooooohhhh man, probably mccree from overwatch. prime boyfriend material and just my type. i love roadhog but he is like......... a criminal

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

everyone is happy and never has to worry about any financial issues or prejudice, just free to explore their passions until the day that they die.

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

uhh its pretty late in the day but i always make it a point to compliment people’s outfits in public, it always seems to make people happy :p

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

easy. id transform into a shapeshifter B)

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

i really hate people who take advantage of artists on this website and vice versa. 

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

i feel like im running out of time to be a kid and im not gonna have time to have fun anymore. im also scared about my future in general. im sad i dont get to spend as much time with my friends. lots of things

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be a concept artist, and i still want that!! specifically, a character designer :]

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

chocolate anything

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

does ‘the internet’ count? im pretty sure ive never spent more than a couple days away from a computer

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

my mind races and i think everyone either hates me or thinks i hate them

😪 what are you sick of?

you know what im sick of??? capitalism

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

YES!!! i love roller coasters and thrill rides, i’ve always wanted to go bungee jumping and sky diving, and im actually going zip-lining in september!!!

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

i think everyone takes at least one thing way too seriously, everyone should just chill

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

i think im an okay person, definitely not bad, and i try my best to present myself in the nicest, friendliest, most approachable way all the time ;_;

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

art, singing, video games, youtube, and i practice guitar now!!

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

actually....,,.,.,. it was Stronger than you....,.,.,. i hummed it on the way out of my art class today

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

i get way too jealous and hurt if i ever perceive anyone better than me, i feel like i need to be better than the best i know, i try to one up people subconsciously. i need to figure out a way to be more humble and stop trying to be the best, cause it just hurts everyone involved, including myself

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

cute girls!! in cute outfits :-)

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

age, mostly, and experience. and money. damn you capitalism

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

i couldn’t give two shits. i took that test years ago and i dont remember or care anymore

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

anon did you even read these questions or did you send this on impulse

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

iiiiii dont really like celebrities that much!! all the ones i liked are dead :(

🐴 opinion on __?

anon..................

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

yeah, way too much. i care too much, and i love too much, and it hurts after a while

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

iiiiiii dont really read anymore :|

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i try my best to never think of whats making me sad. just try my hardest to get it off my mind. i think it helps just as much as it can hinder

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

my friends and my family love me, and if i go they’ll be really disappointed. also i’ll miss all the cool new video games if i go

🌍 which country do you live in?

the usa, unfortunately

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

round, troubled, red

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.” Robin Williams

💭 do you keep a diary?

nooo but i really should

💫 who inspires you?

my mom cause she does what she needs to every day even though sometimes she hates it. and also robbin williams, see above. he was my idol :’)

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes, cause that’d be cool. also i think we have one in our house, but she’s chill

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

either no effort or all the effort. i like cute things and also leather things

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

meet the robinsons. only movie that ever made me really cry.

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

being in my after-school care, and playing with my friends for hours on end, making up stories 

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

robin williams, see 💫

[toycarousel]

How to Dissect Love (Yandere!Kankri x Listener x Cronus)

This is a SFW but very gory script.  I wrote the script based on the commissioner’s ideas, so credit for the concept of this story and its prequel belong to them~! (To the commissioner: Let me know if you’d like to be credited by name, url, or remain anonymous!!!)

Summary: You've been trapped at Kankri's hive for a few days since he decided to keep you prisoner.  Your boyfriend, Cronus, decides to check in on Kankri and ends up in an unfortunate position.

***Warnings: (Please heed these!!!) Gore, violence, sharp objects, needles, body horror, mutilation, dissection, blood, surgical/medical themes, abduction, vague mentions of hard drugs.

The full script is beneath the readmore:

When he finally awakens, the storm outside is what Cronus hears first.   It was raining, hard, when he sprinted to Kankri’s hive in search of you.  Cronus knows Kankri as his moirail -- but also as a recently unpredictable, furious rival for your affections.

He groans, eyes adjusting to particularly unkind fluorescents.

Cronus: (Confused, in pain, and mumbling) What… where am I? Kan, are you in here somewhere? I… came to visit… you… Kan?

Kankri is seated beside you, on one of the hospital beds he’d stolen from school.  Though your wrists and ankles are firmly buckled, you do prefer it to the metal gurney you’d originally woken upon, those few, long days ago.  Cronus is strapped, unclothed, to an identical bed; fully bound.  Kankri is tenderly unwrapping your most recent bandages, exposing the wrongful destruction of your feet.

Kankri: Yes, Cronus! I’m right here.  I thought you’d come to visit us soon. Sooner than this, actually.  Though it’s not in my nature to be overly critical, I must say I’m a bit disappointed in you!

Cronus: That abandoned car, with the blood… they were missing… and you too! I thought, I mean -- shit my head hurts -- are… are the cops here?

Kankri: Now why would there be human law enforcement in the basement of my hive, Cronus? I know I hit your head when you rudely barged in here -- without even texting me first, might I humbly add -- but despite the blow, you must still realize how silly and unwarranted that sort of question is!  

You: (Attempt to address Cronus, with the intent of both warning him, and announcing your presence).

Kankri: (Interjects before you can utter a word.  He speaks to you directly, aware of your intentions) There’s no need for fearmongering, and you know that! Haven’t I taken good care of you these past few days? I’ve fed you, clothed you, bathed you, and, of course… perfectly tended to your new fins! They’re healing quite beautifully...

Cronus: (Slurring) Who are you talking to…? (He finally turns his head, braving the lights’ harsh radiance through a brutal headache.  When he sees you -- and then your “fins” -- his face contorts into an odd collection of abject relief; horror, sorrow, and revulsion).  No… no, no, no, no, no! What happened to you!? Oh, God, I was so afraid, I thought… (he shudders) that I might never see you alive again, and… and now you’re hurt… what… who did that to you…?

You: (Shakily state that you knew he’d come for you.  You’re sobbing quietly -- alongside a grim, throbbing heartache -- as you fully recognize just how much danger Cronus is now in).

Kankri: Alright, my dearests.  As important as it is to verbally connect with our loved ones, and thoroughly examine all avenues of conversation and detail possible, in order to truly understand a situation and therefore maintain a valid and lasting opinion on any given topic -- I’m afraid I’ll have to stop you two for a moment.

Kankri: You see, Cronus.  I know you’ve been dating each other for a while… you’ve told me all about your little relationship with them (he tilts his head toward you), and you seem happy… but I, too, enjoyed time with them -- before you did, actually… and during that time, and the past few days, we connected, more than I thought possible between any two respectively disparate beings! I know what’s inside my heart.  I know it’s true, and good, and pure.

Cronus: (Catching on, despite his desire to believe anything else) What are you… talking about? You did this!? I thought that… that I was just being protective… taking a shot in the dark...

Kankri: (Continuing blithely) However, what you have with them… well, I’m sorry, Cronus, but it’s a falsehood.  It’s not the same as what they and I share.  I love them.

Cronus: (With his wits steadily returning to him in dire straits) So you... what? Ran them off the road? Kidnapped them!? That’s not love, Kankri! I thought you supported our relationship! You’re my moirail… how... how could you do this!?

Kankri: Precisely.  I am your moirail, and therefore it is my personal responsibility -- and duty, in fact -- to inform you of the truth.  You can’t possibly love them the way I do.  Look at what I’ve done for them! They said they love the sea, and I gave them fins! The most powerful, symbolic freedom... I’ve given to them.  Now, they’re closer to what they love than ever!

Cronus: You hurt them! Kankri, this is all wrong… it’s so wrong… (he turns to you) don’t worry, Baby, I’m gonna get outta here and go get help, I’m gonna get you out of --

Kankri: Though I do hate to interrupt you a second time, as interrupting a person is highly unprofessional -- and I am a professional, as you can clearly see -- I feel obligated to let you know that neither of you are in need of help from anyone but me.  I know how to help you both, how to set things right… I know just what to do to free you two from this facsimile of a relationship.  Then, all three of us can be happy together, in all the right ways; forever!

Kankri: You’ve always liked spending time in my hive, haven’t you, Cronus? Why shouldn’t you stay here with me, as my dear moirail, and you (he turns to you again) as my matesprit -- my one, true love…

Cronus: Kan… I’m in love with them… and… and you can stop all this right now, before (he swallows, dryly, eyes flickering to the various spectres of medical equipment surrounding him)... before it’s too late… before you do something you can’t take back!

You: (Fearfully whisper that you love him too.  Kankri doesn’t hear you, but Cronus does).

Kankri: (Speaking softly, as if to a child in the throes of a small tantrum) You don’t love them, Cronus, you’re simply infatuated.  They’ve seen true love in me, and in my actions.  They’ve seen what’s inside my pump-biscuit -- ah, pardon, I don’t mean to use language that isn’t fully applicable to humans, and thereby alienate you both -- they’ve seen what’s in my heart… they haven’t seen what’s in yours.  Not yet.

Kankri: Fortunately, they will! That will clear this all up nicely, and then we can move on with our new lives together! Just a moment…

He stands to tend an IV pole and pull a tray of cruel instruments toward Cronus. A standard ECG is positioned nearby.  Kankri quickly patches several electrodes to Cronus’ arms, lower stomach, and legs.  He conspicuously avoids the chest area.  

Kankri: I’ve performed several autopsies before, but never on living subjects.  Of course, this won’t exactly be a true autopsy, but I promise you, I’ll be as thorough as possible! (He smiles, as if to calm Cronus, who is struggling more fervently) Now, now… it’s alright.  It’s just a little pinch -- deep breath in! (He expertly inserts the IV needle into Cronus’ forearm.  The process is quick, and smooth, as Kankri’s had many opportunities to practice on you).  Deep breath out!

Kankri: … And we’re done!

Cronus: (Still half disbelieving) Kan, please...

Kankri: Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m going to give you painkillers or sedation until after the procedure is complete.  I’ll be monitoring your heart-rate with the ECG and my own eyes.  Though, given the area I must dissect, I won’t be able to promise an accurate reading.  There’s really no purpose in placing any electrodes directly on your chest, as they’ll simply be peeled away during the surgical process… still, I thought the gesture might be a comfort to you.

Kankri: (He lovingly sweeps Cronus’ hair back from his sweat-slicked brow) As I implied, you will be given a sedative and painkillers when I choose to sew you back up -- after they’ve seen, firsthand, what’s in your heart!

You: (Feverishly begging Kankri to stop, offering yourself forever if he’ll just spare Cronus).

Kankri: Don’t be absurd! We’ll all be together forever regardless, so there’s no point in you begging me to set him free.  Besides, he’s in good hands.  You should know by now that you can trust me to take care of my loved ones… here, let’s begin the procedure.  That will set you both at ease.

Cronus: (Trying to retain dignity through his tearful panic) What about blood-loss, Kan? I… can’t stay with you both forever if I die of blood loss… right?

Kankri: Oh, my dear moirail, I’ve got that completely under control.  The bags I have stored are your precise hue, not to worry.  (Fetches a glimmering scalpel from the tray beside him) You know you both need to learn to trust me more, or we’ll just have to relive these same difficult experiences over and over and over again!

Kankri: Now, time for the first incision! This is so exciting, isn’t it?

Cronus tries to contain his screams as Kankri makes two large, initial deep slices.  Blood gathers to the surface of each cut, extending from Cronus’ right and left shoulders.  The thickish purple fluid dribbles down his sides, and greasily smears Kankri’s hands.

Kankri: My, you’re juicy, aren’t you? Fortunately, highbloods can handle far more physical tests like these than warmer-hued beings can.  Ah, not to suggest that you aren’t human, Cronus -- just that you’re a special case!  

You: (Crying out to Cronus, trying to soothe him against the intense pain.  You tug desperately at your bindings, hoping to escape and find help.  The braces around your ankles cause excruciating discomfort as they jostle each unhealed, mangled “fin.”)

Kankri: Time for another cut! This will be a long one.  You’ll likely experience what feels like extreme heat as I run the knife down your navel.  Don’t fret, I won’t cut too far down!

Cronus: (Delirious with the searing new torture, he speaks to you) Hey… hey… don’t cry… it’s okay, it’s going to be okay! I’m… (he breathes through his unintentional groans) not doing so bad… it’s not so bad…

Kankri: That’s the spirit! Now, I’m going to peel back the tissue, utilizing this scalpel (he snatches a new one from the tray and gazes at it fondly before turning back to Cronus), break a few of your ribs for the sake of visibility of the target organ, and, well… see what’s truly in your heart.

Cronus: (Trying to remain conscious) Oh, God… God… please…

Kankri: It’s not time to sleep yet!  

You try to shatter your hands, and rip them from the cuffs, but it simply doesn’t work.  No matter how hard you endeavour, you’re helpless to save Cronus.  Still, you keep pulling and pulling at your restraints.

Kankri fulfills his threats.  He shifts between callousness and utmost, loyal care as he strips Cronus’ of various membranous and muscular tissues.  Then, peaceful and focused even within the chaotic din of your protesting screams and Cronus’ worst wails, Kankri uses a heavier instrument to snap four of his moirail’s ribs.  Cronus is gripping his own cuffs now, trying to stay awake despite wanting, more than anything, to become oblivious.

Kankri: Wait… hush now.  Something is wrong.  (Blank; in shock).

Kankri: I can see everything… (he steps back from Cronus’ heaving, exposed viscera, and suddenly focuses all his attention on you).

You: (Strain to see Cronus, but with only a side-view, your comprehension of the most extreme damage is limited).

Kankri: Maybe it’s… oh, no… can you see it? You can... can’t you? I’ve made a mistake… (beginning to panic, he presses his hands against parted, lax lips, accidentally staining them an ominous purple).

You: (Shake your head.  You don’t know what sort of sudden trance Kankri’s in, but you softly, slowly ask him to untie you.  It’s as if you’re speaking gently to a deer, dying on the highway).

Kankri: (Nods, and steps toward you, unstrapping your wrist restraints) This wasn’t supposed to be the result… I didn’t know…

You: (Ask him what he’s talking about, distantly, as you realized Cronus’ cries have dimmed far too much).

Kankri: (On his knees, stunned, and very small) See for yourself.  (He points toward Cronus, without turning his head even slightly).

You use your freed hands to release your twisted, oozing feet.  Your struggles have reopened recent wounds.  With trembling effort, you prop yourself on your knees until you can finally see all of Cronus.  

You’ll never forget the sight of your boyfriend, carved open and violated in a manner too pure to be enacted with true malignancy.  He’s still breathing, and his voice is reedy from screams that seems to echo in the air; haunting it. Haunting you.

Kankri: (Flatly) He’s not dead, is he?

You: (Mutter “no,” and prepare to fight Kankri off with all your, unfortunately, diminished strength if he pursues you.  You’re sliding from the bed, tumbling and crawling…)

Cronus mumbles, in a trance not unlike Kankri’s, but you can’t make sense of his words.  He sighs, and then all you hear is Kankri’s voice, following your slow, distressed ascent on the stairs.

Kankri: ...There was love in his heart, after all.

[fumbliesthots]

2019 - Year in Review

Hello, tumblr journal, long time no see. While you were away I was having rendezvous with 2 other journals - Notion (for work thoughts) and my exercise book (for personal mundane reflections). But you probably already guessed it.

But you see, I always will come back to you because we made a pact to see each other at least twice a year, isn’t it? On June 19 and Dec 31.

So you would like to interview me about what I’ve been up to this year? Oh how kind! There are quite few people in this world is interested in little old me, hee.

1. What are your favourite memories this year?

Tele and phone calls from Jappu. Janchan and I have grown in our friendship this year surprisingly despite her being away for such a long time. I have learnt that long distance friendship is kinda fun (in fact when she was coming back home I was even a bit upset)!

Travelling with Jessi laoniang is always a treat. She is entertaining in her unassuming and authentic ways and I enjoy her cheerful company.

The monthly Kampung Sketching sessions. It’s really cool to see Lingsan overcome her fear of hosting events and now she is a pro. And to see people coming to the kampung for the first time and drawings of the kampung in so many different interesting angles.

2. What trips have you made this year and what were some highlights?

i) Prague work trip with Lulu and Claire - Snow sledding in the mountains, and going to a Czech police station to report a scam, hanging out with chor and gary after work.

ii) New Zealand with the family - Breathtaking mountain views, hiking in the rain in full gear, and skydiving over the glaciers.

iii) Beijing IXDC trip with Jess - The making of our fried chicken MV was so much fun! And eating 小龙虾，鸭脖 and beer at midnight at the hostel corridor.

iv) Boxmeer/Prague/Bruges - Business trip by myself for the first time was kinda liberating, and also getting to visit Eos in Brugge again.

v) BKK UX Savvy trip with the team - boring conference but awesome company. 5am clubbu gymmy and brekki with meowchan.

vi) JB with Lulu and Jan - making up silly animal stories, shiok Thai massage, being tickled at their new hair transformations, and interesting Grab/JB customs adventure to end it off.

3. What is the biggest change you noticed about yourself this year?

I noticed ever since taking on this role in Design Operations, I started to come out of my shell a bit more, wanting to take care of my colleagues and doing things to make sure they are happy at work. Despite being an introvert, I realised I enjoy socialising with people and making people feel comfortable. And i have also become a bit more assertive and confident in things that I believe are right to do.

4. What was the biggest challenge you had to face this year?

Politics at work busted my idealistic bubble. I was a bit upset when I heard stories of people fighting and competing with each other... just for promotion, raises and recognition. Isn’t it ridiculous? But perhaps to survive in the corporate world I have to just do my best and accept that this is normal but try not to get sucked into all the negativity.

Just stay on course, remember what you are here for - to help people solve their problems, and give it your all! Ego is the enemy.

I also learnt that sometimes my happy-go-lucky attitude doesn’t work well on everyone, and might even offend people who takes things very seriously. I need to be careful about that. But it is a tough habit to kick, because sometimes I can get slightly antsy when someone around me is in a bad mood and I don’t know why, and I would want to do something to neutralise that mood.

5. Read any good books?

Ever since I got Libby, I have been devouring new books every month, and I am learning so much! The most impactful to me this year is probably The Power Of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath. And the second one is also by the same author, Switch. These 2 books made me understand more about human psychology and how to motivate people to do things.

Other special mentions are Radical Candor (about how being brutally honest and caring personally is important) and Never Split The Difference (a book on negotiation). I learnt so much from these books that I even made nerdy ppt slides to share them with my friends, forcing them to sit through my presentations, heh. Poor things.

6. Any people you’d like to thank this year?

I can never thank my parents enough for all the things they provide me, so this top spot will always be saved for them. Although they always nag at me, and never emotionally expressive, the things they do for my siblings and I is really unconditional love.

As usual, my UX family whom I spend perhaps even more time than my actual family. This has been a year of experiments and emotional up and downs. But I feel we have learnt and grown a lot together as a team.

And all my friends. Who taught me so many things through their life stories and inspiring me to be better. Thanks to them, just a text, a call, or a meetup away, I am never lonely. (I sometimes do really wonder how that feels like!)

Ajahn Brahm. Hehe, this is a great monk that I have learnt a lot from and he probably has changed my life already. To be kindful, to be gentle, to be peaceful is to be happy.

7. What were some new things you tried this year?

5am club. Exercise regime. Brewing my own filter coffee. Getting more regular in short 15min sittings. Starting a work journal to reflect about things and people at work.

8. Name some of your favourite things of 2019

Ajahn Brahm’s dhamma talks - I always thought that I was a glass-half-full kind of girl but recently after getting hooked onto Ajahn Brahm’s stories on youtube, I became even more so. I also enjoyed repeating those stories to my friends, especially when I thought they could use some positivity to help them see their life difficulties from a different perspective. So much so that even my boss used one of the stories I told to tease me every time i made a very “evon” mistake. (Mmm... honey...)

Sodastream - I bought this for the family so that my brothers would stop buying unhealthy soft drinks. It worked! Mmm.. soda water.

Janchan’s morning challenges - thats how i started waking up early and getting productive in the mornings. But that girl does not follow through to her own challenges, tsk tsk.

Audrey’s life hack for bubble tea cup - use a silicone bag! I have amused many woobbee and each-a-cup aunties when i bring it to dabao my bubble tea.

9. What were your new year resolutions last year and how did you do?

Well well well. Let’s see.

1- Figure out how to be a leader: I am learning a lot just by observing the way boss does things. I hope he can be our leader in many years to come so I will always have the privilege to learn from him.

2 - Being more articulate and assertive: In some ways I realised I have subconsciously learned to do that in situations that requires me to do so. And the trick is just to do it with humble confidence.

3 - Plan more and be less slipshod about things: Hmm... as an operations lead I suppose I should feel guilty about not working on this more. But as I have learnt from a very wise monk, too much planning is futile sometimes, and may cause unnecessary stress on yourself and others, hehe. I kid. I will carry this rezzo forward to next year.

4 - Being more caring with my parents: Still working on it. And sometimes I will tend to fall into my old habits of silent avoidance, especially when they start nagging. But I think this year I have tried being more attentive to their needs, and talking more.

5 - Continue staying healthy: I think I’m doing pretty well in this, especially since starting to wake up super early. I have more time to workout physically with my simple exercise regime, as well as mentally through short meditation sittings and journal writing.

10. Rezzos for 2020 to start the year off of?

1 - Continue working on trying to care more for my parents, and take on more responsibilities regarding household stuff. Make them less worried that their kids can’t be independent without them.

2 - I want to try writing, and develop my own voice. As I learn more about leadership and being human, I thought should document this journey in someway so that perhaps it could help someone else one day on a similar path too.

3 - I’m surprised I didn’t mention anything about money in last year’s post. That is something I’ve always be clueless about. And today I made a ditch attempt to be more “adult” by getting a credit card, so that I can get more interests out of my bank... or something. Yeah, ok I will try to learn more about this finance thing in 2020!

4 - Find a new personal project that can give me a belly burning feeling, that is not work related. Ok la, maybe no need belly burn, just a mild tingle also can. Something that I would be excited to work on for at least a couple of months.

5 - What’s that thing about being less slipshod again? 🤔

[minhyukie]

hello it’s ur Local Mess here to talk about herself and do a lot of tag games im sorry for being the worst these are literally from within the past like two months and you all probably don’t even remember tagging me or care about my answers but than k you to @ki-hyunie​ @haehoney​ @honeyvevo​ @94wons​ @ckyun​ for tagging me in these i’m putting them all together so that you can all have the ultimate compilation of useless information about me!! please enjoy!!

im not tagging anyone because i don’t want to subject anyone to this but if u too love talking about yourself please tag me because i love hearing people talk about themselves

Name - amy

Age - 20

Height - 5′3 (160 cm?)

Ult Bias - seohyun + minhyuk the two loves of my life :(

Nicknames - i don’t really get many nicknames?? my roommate calls me amu though

Zodiac sign - aries

Favorite fruit - mmm kiwi? raspberries? strawberries? mangos!!! i fucking love fruits i don’t know i love them all

Favorite season - probably summer!

Favorite color - pink!! pink pink pink!

Coffee, Tea or Hot Cocoa - hot chocolate!!!

Favorite animal(s) - GOATS (if ur reading this @ me in goats)

Dream trip - i’ve been there very very briefly but i’d love to live in germany for a little?? i guess that’s not a trip but idk i’d be happy going on a trip anywhere tbh :’)

Number of blankets you sleep with - one!

Dogs or cats - i love my cats!! even though i’ve recently discovered that i’m probably allergic fjdkslf

Side blog - this... used to be a sideblog until i became too involved with mx and snsd :// so i guess my old main is a sideblog? idk @morningcomes​ <<<

Follower count - a little over 700!!! i love u all thanks for putting up w me

When did you start this blog - this particular blog was the beginning of 2017! but ive been on tumblr since like 2010 i think ://

relationship status: it’s... um.... it’s complicated fdkslfjsd let’s just say im in a relationship even though im not sure if we’re actually dating or what we’re doing.... let’s just say that

favorite color: pink!!!!!!!!!!!!

lipstick or chapstick: chapstick

last song i listened to: i really like humble and dna by kendrick lamar so i’ve had those on repeat the last few days!

last movie i watched: ... moana?? god it’s really been a long time since i’ve watched a movie

top three tv shows: friends!!! fullmetal alchemist brotherhood if that counts? avatar the last airbender.. a forever favorite

top three characters: look im the worst at coming up w these things so i’ll just give my favorites from the above shows: rachel!! or monica or chandler i don’t know i love them all :( envy!! winry!!! zuko and toph!

top three ships: ok i just want to clarify like.. pairings and not ships but joohyuk!! hyohyun :’’) and.... wow how am i supposed to limit this to a third one i guess i’ll say kihyuk because im in love with them the past few days

Bold the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have had braces There is something i would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports I’ve been on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event (i honestly don’t know what this means but imma say yes) I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

(ok listen... lemme just reiterate... not sure if what im in is considered a relationship fdjkslfds)

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? yes!!! im so grateful

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? i honestly have no clue i say it all the time through messages but im like... emotionally stunted in real life lmao

3. do you regret anything? yea mostly just opportunities that i should’ve taken that i don’t because i don’t have the will to put in the effort ://

4. are you insecure? not usually!

5. what’s your relationship status? listen.... complicated....

6. how do you want to die? this is 2 morbid for me next please

7. what did you last eat? bugles!!! i love bugles

8. played any sports? i ran cross country in high school for 3 years and did track for one!!

9. do you bite your nails? nope

10. when was your last physical fight? ha h ah haha i don’t think i’ve ever been in a physical fight

11. do you like someone? yea!

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours? yes... too many times

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? no, not really!

14. do you miss someone? yea i miss a few of my high school friends that i wish i got to see more often and i miss us all hanging out as a group

15. have any pets?
 my family has 4 cats!

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment?
 A+!

17. ever made out in the bathroom? damn i was ready to say no but.... i actually have.... im shocked at myself

18. are you scared of spiders?
 in certain situations?? who am i kidding lfjdkslfd yes

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? nah

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? ummmmmm my bed

21. what are your plans for this weekend? sleep and study :(

22. do you want to have kids? how many? idk?? i’m not very passionate about it tbh i’d be happy with anywhere between 0-3 kids

23. do you have piercings? how many? both my ears are double pierced!

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)? i fuckin love math!! i would die for math also im pretty good at chemistry physics and computer science idk most things math/science related :)

25. do you miss anyone from your past?
 mostly just the same as before?? miss some of my hs friends

26. what are you craving right now?
 ..sleep

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart?
 i don’t think so??

28. have you ever been cheated on?
 nope!

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
 yea :(

30. what’s irritating you right now? too much to do too little time

31. does somebody love you? ..yes? i hope

32. what is your favourite color? pink!!!!!!!

33. do you have trust issues? not really trust issues but like i said before i think im like.. emotionally stunted or smth

34. who/what was your last dream about? i hoenstly can’t remember any recent dreams

35. who was the last person you cried in front of? my ?boyfriend? lmao i cry all the time

36. do you give out second chances too easily? mmm idk? i’ve honestly never really thought about it

37. is it easier to forgive or forget? forget ://

38. is this year the best year of your life?
 noooo

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? 18!

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked? fdjskflds no

51. favourite food?
 yo this just jumped from 40 to 51 fjdklsfdjsk anyway um! chicken

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason? lmao no that’s some wishful thinking :(

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
 i did most of my computer science lab :/

54. is cheating ever okay?
 no

55. are you mean? sometimes i can be really bad about impulsively saying things and... yea it can be mean :( but like in general? i don’t think im a mean person

56. how many people have you fist fought? i would cry if someone tried to fight me

57. do you believe in true love?
 yea!

58. favourite weather? gimme that sunshine, no humidity with a breeze

59. do you like the snow? yea!! but not excessively

60. do you wanna get married? yeah? but also it’s not like one of my overlying life goals ya know but if it happens that would be nice

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? honestly whenever i hear people say baby in real life i cringe fjdsklfds idk i mean i say it in the tags on here but in real life... nah and i call some of my friends babe but i do it jokingly it just seems weird to do that like.. romantically

62. what makes you happy? getting time to myself!!! to do the things i want to do and relax! to spend time with my friends just relaxing as well! in particular getting to paint and getting to play piano make me really happy and relaxed

63. would you change your name? nope!

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
 nope!

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? ummm did u mean... my current situation jfkdlsfs

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yes mostly?? he definitely thinks im a lil weird when im like 100% myself but he still loves me anyway so :’)

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
 ^^^ said above best friend

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my high school best friend?? i think

69. do you believe in soulmates? not really it’s a nice idea though

70. is there anyone you would die for? probably a few of my closest friends

fdskfdlsfjdks hope none of u read all that!!! this deserves to be my about page tbh

[therecoveringcatho-holic]

mannn.. life is just getting so much better!!! i just have to share where i'm at y'all bc ive been pretty excited about who i'm becoming bc i'm actively working on my spirit and who i am thru Christ.

first off - i'm fortunate for past, current and future *pain* bc it's brought me many blessings and will continue to bring me more.. just watch. it's just all about perspective and mines slowly but surely turning around! 💕 pain is a blessing bc without it we wouldn't know joy & we wouldn't be able to help others with similar problems!! i def struggle with my own share of health issues, a lot more at 31 than i ever wanted to have but i gotta be realistic about it: i treated my mind, body and spirit like a trash can off and on for the better part of a decade, i have trauma that i wouldn't dive into - like for real, for real - until 2 years ago or so bc i kept wanting to mask it. all that did was make it fester and then i projected it on others so what should i expect you know?? i used to complain constantly that 'life is not fair' and until very recently, i couldn't turn that around in my head and look at it positively .. like I AM ACTUALLY GLAD it's not bc if it was fair then i should have died yearssss ago.. one way or another esp if you look at it from a scientific standpoint. i may not know what my purpose is in life y'all but it's not my job to figure that out, it's my job to trust The Lord and His plan for me even if it doesn't always make sense to me. He is a God beyond my understanding and letting Him run the show makes life a lot better. we're not meant to have it easy but we weren't designed to make it so hard on ourselves or others either. He provides us the tools, it's just a matter of if we choose to use them or not. we all struggle so let's help each other out but the right thing is usually not the easy one so be proud of yourself when you make good decisions, no matter how small. the small things become big things; choices become habits -- that can be good or bad so make it a good thing 😘

one main problem i've always struggled with is consistency, esp when it comes to obeying The Lord. i am finally aware that my behavior does NOT affect Gods love for me bc He's an unconditional, loving God but my behavior dictates how much easier or harder life becomes for me.. and it's a daily thing y'all but it is for a lot of people, not just me. i just know that when i impulsively react to somebody or something, my

m o u t h is the first to go 😬😏SOOOO now im pretty good at waiting it out and if i think the same thing 2 mins later or so, you bet i'm gonna say it bc i'm blunt like that and i don't care to sugarcoat my thoughts BUT i also don't have to be hateful/disrespectful about it.. so that's been a turn around, for sure! 🙏 most people have a filter and i seem to lack one so i'm trying to develop one.. haha, it's funny but it's not at the same time.. actually it's been quite debilitating, really. my impulsivity and my mouth have burnt a lot of bridges in my life. not everybody or everything deserves a reaction and i don't need to waste my energy on things that arent my business -- and huge surprise here guys -- there is a LOT of stuff that is not my business so i take my nose out of it now 😜. i thrived off the drama and chaos for so long bc i didn't wanna look inward at myself and work on what was actually wrong -- which was me and my spirit. i am blessed for awareness and personal perspective.. it is everything.

ive been going back to AA and someone mentioned that theyve been praying for people that they have issues with, don't like or whatever the case may be and it's been helping them change their reaction/perspective towards that individual. at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they're gonna do but the way i choose to respond to it says everything about me, not them. that's why i love "The Four Agreements" book so much -- seriously life changing bc it's helped me realized that like i had so much displaced anger for so long and made it about everybody else and "what they did to me" , how "i'm not like everybody else", "why do they have a career / family / house and i don't?" WHATEVERRRR blah blah blah 😑 when at the end of the day, it had nothing to do with them. i was unhappy with myself, pissed that i got "cursed" with alcoholism and depression, sleep issues, etc. so instead of looking at it my difficulties as strengths and blessings, i had my own definition of what successful, happy people looked like or what they had and i was straight up mad and jealous of y'all. like how dare y'all have it so easy, right?! 🙄 omg hahaha how delusional is that!!! NOBODY has it easy!!! we all have something man and just because others may not see it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

"be kind.. for we are all fighting a battle others know nothing about." amen!!

my life has turned out to be nothinggggg of what i thought it was gonna be .. and i'm at a place of acceptance about it now and what a blessing it is to feel at peace more often than not. i think the real definition of serenity is when you stop wishing you had a different past and appreciate what God trusted you to go thru bc He knew Y O U could handle it 🥰

my alcoholism has about damn killed me but i'm resilient and ive been able to help others who battle my demon too; my depression has helped me understand deep sadness and how not running away or being scared of somebody bc of that can really change another persons life for the better.. one conversation can literally save somebody's life so don't underestimate what it means when someone disabled from depresssion reaches out to you bc you could be a life changer to them, i know this from experience. sleep issues suck but i've had a lot of deep, thought provoking conversations at 3a, ill tell ya that! but lately i sleep better bc i'm getting the garbage out of my soul and giving myself some grace. i'm blessed to not hold on to people who left me during my darkest hour bc they weren't meant to see me grow and to take part in my joy now.. it's all how you look at it!! i tried holding on to soooo many people for so long and now i just feel free of that negativity .. and i'm sure some people feel the same about me these last few years.. i was very toxic to some people so they were right to let me go as well. there's always two sides to everything y'all -- like be blessed for those who have let you down!! now you have room for people who are loyal and worth your damn time!! but as i just mentioned, i had to look in the mirror though and humble myself bc at one point or another, i was "that person" on more than one occasion that let somebody down and perspective on that is key to moving forward and not hurting somebody like that again. hurt people hurt people and i was the queen of that. when i get what i feel is a proper amount of time under my belt, i have so many amends to make that its quite.. sick, really. in the 5 years i've been in and out of AA, ive only been told to F off and/or burn in hell twice after trying to make an amends so that's better than i deserve lol most have been receptive of my amends but this will be the second round for some of those same people and i don't expect the same forgiveness i got the first time bc i don't deserve it. i'll also be frank with you .. some people i don't want to make amends to bc i don't feel they deserve it so clearly i still have work to do on my heart and hopefully thru the program and in time, i will feel differently but right now that's honestly how i feel.

to sum it all up, here are some things that help me:

-if you have to hide it, don't do it. -chaos always proceeds change.

-people will treat you with as much respect as you show yourself (thank you Lord for helping me with this one!!)

-validation may come from other people but that's just temporary. if you ain't happy in YOUR heart, with who YOU are.. check your morals and standards my dear! it doesn't matter if the entire world thinks you're great -- you need to KNOW & BELIEVE you are and that begins with the belief system you set for yourself!

- the saying "one foot in front of the other" goes a long way.. act blessed and you'll become blessed; no matter how stupid it sounds in your head, talk kindly to yourself until you believe it -- affirmations work, i swear!!! most importantly, show others grace so you'll eventually show yourself some 💕

i am a sinner but i am not my mistakes. my alcoholic demon is strong but God is stronger.. and thru Him, so am i. without my community from TN to NC to GA, my friends, my family of choice, my medical team and The Lord God, id be an empty shell of a person still at the bottom of a bottle at all hours of the day wanting to die every second i was breathing.. yes, it got that bad more times than i can count so THANK YOU to everyone who has given a shit about me and this crazy life i've had!!! once i realized that roughly 10% of my life is whats happened to me and came to accept that 90% of my life were problems that i created myself, was when i was able to become grateful for all the problems i DONT have & blessed that although some bridges are forever burned, there are many that are not!!! if i continue to act right, i have beautiful opportunities to improve myself and my relationships, the most important one being with God.

i know ive got some haters but i don't view them as enemies anymore bc i don't like harboring anger in my heart anymore .. it doesn't feel good and it only speaks to my own personal insecurity when i've talked poorly of somebody in the past. ive never quoted tupac in my life but there's a first time for everything 🤣 "i want you to eat, just not at my table." to the people i don't like and to those that don't like me, let's pray for each other. everybody deserves happiness and to thrive in their own way.. i'm not gonna be apart of some people's lives and BOTH of us are better because of it! God, i loveeee acceptance!!!! 🙌

above all.. do & be YOU, boo boo!

if it matters any, i think you're pretty great! 😋😙

as alwaysss, much love from knox & prayers to friends in mid tenn!! hope everyone is safe!! 🙏

xoxo

kels

[ciathyzareposts]

Kickstarter Special – Summer Daze At Hero-U & Interview with Corey Cole

By the TAG Team

It’s no secret that here at “The Adventure Gamer”, we have a soft spot for the Quest for Glory series and the works of Corey and Lori Cole. Three of their games are on our Top Ten! Although we are a retro gaming establishment, we reviewed Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption last year and have received a ton of positive feedback about the decision. That review (and the accompanying interview) are among the most popular posts on the site. We can only assume that you, like us, are fans!

We have been exceptionally selective in terms of what recent projects we feature, but we’d like to direct you to a kickstarter by Corey and Lori Cole’s Transolar Games: Summer Daze at Hero-U. This game is a prequel to the previous Hero-U title and explores a shift towards more narrative storytelling by integrating visual novel elements. It looks like it’s off to a good start. Summer Daze lets you play as either the mischievous female rogue or a studious and introspective male wizard with his meerbat familiar.

The campaign’s funding goal is $99,999 because as Corey points out, “we’d hate to come up $1 short.” At the moment, they are just over 70% of the way to their goal with less than a week to go. We’re really love to see this game get funded and hope you will check it out if you are a fan of the series.

As an added bonus, Corey Cole has agreed to speak with us and answer some lingering questions that your humble admins had about the development of his games. Even if you aren’t into his kickstarter, I encourage you to scroll down!

Tilly Appleberry, Disbarred Bard

What we know so far is that Summer Daze will be a less complicated game than the Coles’ others, with much of the gameplay consisting of choosing dialogue options.

“Summer Daze at Hero-U is a new direction for us. We’ve crystallized the story and characters into a fast-paced illustrated adventure that can be played anywhere.” – Corey Cole

The game is described as part adventure game, part visual novel, with a dash of light RPG. Of course, the demo contains the Coles’ strength of punny humor.

Ripping through the English language like a bull in a china shop.

If you feel you might be interested, you can check out some details and download the demo of Tilly’s first day at the Summer Daze website here.

Or you can follow the half-elf’s advice and check out the kickstarter over here!

You can also visit Transolar Games on Twitch. You can check out their previous broadcasts, and this Halloween they will be playing through Quest for Glory IV!

That’s enough with the marketing, let’s get on with the interview!

Interview with Corey Cole

You mentioned Summer Daze in our interview back in July last year. Is the game in its current state much as you envisioned it back then, or has it evolved into something different?

Summer Daze at Hero-U is fundamentally the same game as we talked about it last year. Lori has been writing dialogue and working with the team for the last year to get art assets and a prototype for the game. Anyone may download the prototype for free from https://transolar-games.itch.io/summer-daze or by clicking the “Download Demo” button on Steam – https://store.steampowered.com/app/1139490/Summer_Daze_at_HeroU/. The prototype covers day one (of twelve) for one of the two playable characters. 

Of course, games never stay static. As she works on the game, sees the art, and so on, Lori constantly comes up with new ideas, puzzles, and other ideas. The Kickstarter will also have some influence. If we reach stretch goals, we’ll be able to add more mini-games, animation, and so on. And if we somehow fail to reach the base goal, we’ll zero in on half of the game – Tilly’s story – and make that available on early access to fund Ifeyo’s half.

There is quite a contrast between them. Tilly is a mischievous, (and let’s face it, cute) rogue who never takes life too seriously. Ifeyo is the opposite, a dedicated student who is trying to prove to his family that he can be successful as a Wizard. Some of the events in Ifeyo’s story are also darker and more serious. If we’re able to fund adding some combat to the game, it will mostly be in Ifeyo’s game.

How do you block out your story beats and how has that changed from the early games to Hero-U and beyond?

Our stories start from the characters – not just the hero, but everyone he or she meets in the games. We think about each character’s needs and desires, and where they might be getting blocked from them. Then we go back to the player character and ask, “Why might players want to help this character? What can they do to help?” Those become many of the “puzzles” – or “problems” as I like to think of them – and also the main story beats. “My husband is missing. I haven’t seen him since he left to visit the store last night. Please see if you can find him.” – That could lead to any number of story situations, depending on what happened to the husband and who (or what) else is involved.

Players have their own problems as well – “I need to get out of my room at night without being spotted, because that’s the only time I have to get into the dungeons.” But we think that solving problems for others often gives players more motivation.

The major difference in how we plot our stories now vs. thirty years ago is that we have much more memory, and better ways to illustrate events in art and animation. We’ve also developed techniques over the years to make our games more responsive. For example, when Shawn talks to Ifetaya in Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption, the game has information about whether Shawn has previously had a run-in with a ghost. If so, we add lines about talking to ghosts to Ifetaya’s script. If Shawn has no reason to ask about something, that choice does not appear.

We may have taken this to an extreme level. Hero’s Quest had a 50,000 word script. Quest for Glory IV ballooned to 180,000 words, mostly because of dialogue changing due to previous events. The game might take the same amount of time to play, or at most double, but there is much more replayability and variation between plays. With Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption, we really went crazy with a 450,000 word script – 2-1/2 times the size of Quest for Glory IV – full of branches that you could only see in some playthroughs, invisible in the rest.

In general, the concept of a “story beat” is very different in a game from a film. Screenwriters have full control over what viewers see at each point in time. Their responsibility is to make each scene compelling, and to maintain the flow of the story. In games, it’s much more complicated. The software development cliché is that managing programmers is like herding kittens. That’s even more true in a game – Imaginative players will go anywhere at any time. They might not intend to break anything, but they’ll contort and twist the story by missing an important clue or dialogue setup, or by stumbling on a scene they weren’t supposed to reach until later.

Adventure game writing consists of creating thousands of “snippets” of text and dialogue, then trying to nudge players in the direction of encountering those tidbits in a reasonable order. One of the ways we do that now is by making much of the dialogue conditional – When the Warrior Drats invade Hero-U, that’s what most of the characters talk about. When a student is missing, that’s the main topic. This even applies to minor story events – If a character likes the hero, they’ll have different dialogue than if they don’t like him. If you’ve been studying Mozart in music class, your fellow students might talk about that. The idea is to try to make the game dialogue feel natural.

Hero U: Rogue to Redemption has had a positive reaction both in the press and among players. Was this surprising or were you reasonably confident that your style of adventure game would still resonate with people?

We never actually know how people will react to our games. We just make them as good as we can, and try to make games we would like to play, then we release them and see how people react. That’s an exaggeration, of course. We did ten months of outside Alpha and Beta testing on Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption, so we had a great deal of player feedback before the live release. And, of course, many complaints and suggestions that we handled as best we could.

We expected a positive reaction to the game because we knew we had been true to the spirit of our previous games. Plus the art and music were beautiful. So in that sense, we were pleased, but not surprised.

We did get some criticism as well. One common complaint was that it took too long to get places. What happened there? As we did at Sierra, we locked the player animation speed to make the walking animation look good. But it had some problems in this game. Part of that is expectations after playing modern games. Nobody ever walks in World of Warcraft except for role-playing. You run everywhere and fly where you can. Players are more impatient than in the early 90’s. Also, the sheer size of Hero-U is an issue. We’re proud that we were able to use 3D scenes effectively to make the castle feel huge. But the side effect of that is that it takes a long time to get places.

We added a “fix” for Shawn’s movement in a later game patch. That’s a nice thing about releasing our games online – We can go back and fix issues that players find. The less-nice thing is that we feel obligated to do that, which can get in the way of making the next game. Anyway, we now have a slider that lets players speed Shawn up – or slow him down. The animation doesn’t look as good at hyper-speed, but it’s a more comfortable play experience for many players, and that matters more. (As with story beats, player experience and interactivity are king in computer games.)

The other common criticism was that some players didn’t like the pressure of our “time as a currency” mechanic. That “feature” was a central element of our design throughout the project, and not something we could change without breaking many other game features. The idea is that Shawn is a student and has a schedule – breakfast, class in the morning, a little time to practice skills or visit the library, elective class in the afternoon, supper, free time in the evening, then bedtime. With that somewhat-enforced schedule, it can be a challenge to find time for exploration, monster slaying, relationships, and earning pocket money.

In addition, dialogue changes constantly throughout the fifty days of a Rogue to Redemption game. That was a huge challenge for Lori as a writer, and it means that players can’t just skip days or complete the story in 5 or 10 days. To make this work, we chose to gate Shawn’s time with all those mandatory activities. Otherwise players might exhaust most of the exploration and practice content in a few days, and be stuck waiting for story events the rest of the game. That can actually happen in the last ten game days. We scheduled fewer story events there, and some players have told us they didn’t have enough to do in the late game. That could be because most of our players are elite, experienced adventure gamers who burn through the secondary content quickly. Or it might just mean we should have tightened the script to 40 days.

Is there anything else you think our readers would like to know about Summer Daze or Transolar in general?

We have been trying to manage expectations on Summer Daze at Hero-U, at times emphasizing that it’s less ambitious than Rogue to Redemption, or that it was inspired by visual novels and dating sims. But adventure game fans should know that Summer Daze is actually a full adventure game. The script might weigh in at a “tiny” 200,000 words… but that’s still longer than the script of Quest for Glory IV: Shadows of Darkness. If you think that game is quite large enough, you’ll find just as much in Summer Daze.

At the same time, we’re trying to keep a laser focus on what we think makes our games great – the story, characters, and player choices. We’ve solved the problem of taking too long to walk through endless hallways by taking out the hallways. Instead, we’ve gone to still background screens and menu interactions. That’s what I did with Castle of Dr. Brain, and is similar to how Shannara played, as well as to the vignette scenes in Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption. (That’s so cumbersome – In the future we’ll just call it Hero-U 1 or maybe Hero-U: Rogue.) You move around by “fast travel” clicking on the interior and exterior maps, not by walking through hallways for five minutes.

One of Summer Daze’s Travel screens – I think it was Professor Plum with the Rope in the Library

There is also no “hunt the pixel” – Interactions are by menu, and designed to work as well on a tablet or phone as on a PC. The puzzles and problems are Quest for Glory style – helping other characters and yourself – rather than by figuring out arbitrary combinations of things to make a fishing pole or a disguise.

Coincidentally, taking out those dubious features is also making Summer Daze a more affordable game development project. We lost a lot of money making Rogue to Redemption. But we don’t think we’ve taken anything out that hurts the game. Instead, we have a tighter, more focused game that concentrates on the story and characters. If you like our other games, *or* visual novels, *or* games like Dream Daddy and Magical Diary, we think you’ll love Summer Daze at Hero-U.

And as someone who loves adventure games and wants to keep them alive, please pledge to our Kickstarter campaign so we can finish this game without going farther into debt. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/transolargames/summer-daze-at-hero-u is the place! Also check out our content on https://www.twitch.tv/transolargames and our personal Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/coreyloricole. The adventure game community is small, and that means each of you is important to keeping adventure games alive, and not just an artifact of the 1990’s.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/kickstarter-special-summer-daze-at-hero-u-interview-with-corey-cole/

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal,

it’s been a while.

um. i think i like jason. and im so conflicted. i think that’s why i keep thinking im crossing a line. bc i just care so much for him and genuinely want the best for him and i thought i was just being a good friend at first but he’s going through a pretty rough time and i just want to be there for him. and i am so quick to drop whatever im doing for his benefit and i do have a really good time with him but i also know he’s dating angela and i want to respect that bc of the relationship and bc they’re both my friends. and i have imagined myself going out with david as well but i can definitely more easily talk to him as a friend whereas i have a hard time even looking at jason bc i do think hes very physically attractive. i think i am very much in love with him bc hes such a good person and i know he deserves so much. and i think that’s why ive been so judgmental of angela lately and believing they wont last. bc i want to be dating him instead. but i definitely dont want to overstep anything. but hes always so quick to listen, so selfless, humble, caring, kind, generous, compassionate, and most of all—genuine. and i really just want the best for him. but i do think him and angela are trying really hard to make this work and i know that they both thought a lot about it. i found out he, along with james and moonhee, felt overprotective of angela bc she’s never been in a relationship and it hasnt been that long since he broke up with jiwoon. but she seemed pretty eager and wanted to do it and he liked her first so they went for it and i am happy for them. and i dont want to ruin that. that’ll just create unnecessary drama and no one needs that. especially not in a church environment. i just want the best for them both. honestly. and i have to accept that that might not include me. but i just get really happy when i see him happy or excited and doing well. i really really do care about him. i do. and we’ll just see what happens from here. i do want to get closer to him as a friend and thats honestly part of the reason why i want to stay in chicago so that i’ll have that opportunity. and i know it’s so dumb and i shouldnt base my decision off of that but i do really like him and want to grow closer to him. hes a really great friend of mine and i hate how awkward we are on long drives home sometimes. i just want him to know that im there for him and always will be bc i care so deeply and genuinely for him. really. ive really loved being ableot help him out and chat more with him recently. i love getting to know him more. i really do. and ive been pretty distracted recently and havent been talking much with andrew but im hoping that we can tonight and i can tell him all about this and get his opinion. i think, especially with the past few weeks, we’ve both been pretty busy. especially me. and i’ve been really MIA as a result. so im pretty out of the loop and havent been paying much attention to him or sofia. and i’d be lying if i said i wasnt still a little salty with the whole bobby thing but im trying to just let it go and not let it affect the present. i was just really turned off by their attitudes toward the whole situation. anyways, i do miss talking to him bc it has been a while and i am hoping we can have a really long talk again. just about different things. not necessarily deep and intimate and emotional things but just to carry a conversation for hours between the two of us.

that’s another thing. ive been scolding jason a lot lately and i think it’s bc i like him. it’s a “im mean to the people i love” kinda thing. i think i’ve also been kinda scared to face it so thats been my coping mechanism against it. 

and i know that ive been quick to judge jason and angela in the past. theyre supposed to be these great figures and leaders for Movement so whenever they didnt do something—go to an event, sign up to read the Bible, etc. I judged them negatively for it. I thought they weren’t doing a good enough job and failed to see them as humans and students. just because thats the culture that i grew up with doesnt mean they did as well. it was probably more chill and laid back. they werent held to such high expectations. 

but i do wish i could go home. i am pretty homesick and i do want to rest back in california but i also know how expensive it is to be paying for an apartment that i dont live in. and i know that i’ll be refueled by Christ if I do go back home but im also kinda scared to return to Sa-Rang. I don’t think I’m in a place that’s strong enough yet to stand my ground against everyone. i think most people grew up super sheltered there and are pretty quick to judge those that have been in that “worldly” lifestyle. their problems were never about addiction. it was about family or friends or trying not to fall to that lifestyle but never actually experiencing it. and i have struggled with alcohol and depression and suicidal thoughts and it wasnt always so surface level. people there have no idea how easy their lives are. how could they ever really understand the struggle if they have never experienced it? and im afraid that i’ll be even more ostracized bc they dont understand my struggles. i feel like whenever i’ve come to an upperclassman for help, they didnt know what to tell me. i see how loving and supportive they can be in other situations and thats great and im happy for them but they could never understand my problems. i feel like those that do fall into depression tend to take time to themselves by temporarily leaving the church until theyre ready to come back and thats the situation im in too. and im not ready yet. so for now, im too afraid to go back to that church. not now. not like this. and im so conflicted bc it is always so nice to be around other people that had a similar upbringing to myself and away from the culture at school where no one really understands chopsticks or the commonality of eating rice everyday. it’s not normal for them but it is for me and i do want to be around other people that share my similar interests bc thats not something i get at school. i think it’s really important for me to grow up around other people that i can relate to and especially at columbia, i dont get that. the only koreans ive met have been dana, who is half korean, and 3 international students. ive meet 3 more chinese international students. 1 japanese international student. and the members of ASO, and im rounding to about 10 people. im usually the only asian or colored person in general. if im not, theres 1 other black person. if im not the only asian, which has only happened twice, then theres 1 more. the korean international students in my ITM class and Anushka, the Indian girl from Graphic Design II. im so whitewashed bc thats the community i grew up in. my parents never spoke korean to me growing up so i lost it. and i miss it. a lot. it’s a lost art that i would love to regain. and i miss it a lot too. i am all for diverse churches and i dont think they should be so exclusive to one particular culture. but i cant help feeling more at home and comfortable in predominantly korean environments bc thats never something that i had access to growing up.

sigh. but yeah. i do miss california. i would love to be with and hangout with my friends and family. i really would. and i miss them a lot. and i love them a lot. and i would give so much just to be home with them. but from a financial standpoint, especially right now, it just doesnt make a lot of sense. i would have to sleep on my parents’ floor. i wouldnt have access to water or gas. i wouldnt be able to go downstairs or cook. i wouldnt have a summer job nor would i be gaining any work experience for the future. it’d be pretty pointless. but i would be home. i would be able to spend time with my grandparents. i would be able to go out on dates with my family and friends. and i would be at home. yes, i wouldnt have a job. yes, it’d be a waste of money to pay for an empty apartment in chicago. yes, i would be burning through my saved money fast whenever i go out. but i would be home. and that almost seems worth it. so i kinda hope i dont get the internship, i know my interview went super well and i know i for sure got it. but i hope i didnt. bc then i’ll know it’s a sign from God, telling me to go home. Because I would really love to.

i also dont know if i wrote about this but im getting to be on better terms with p josh and im glad. im pretty open with him, though i am still a bit afraid at times. but i am excited to grow alongside him this coming year. i really am.

[apsbicepstraining]

Olympic Gold Medalist Sanya Richards-Ross On Pregnancy, Fitness And Retirement

Sanya Richards-Ross is a four-time Olympic track and realm gold medalist, reached entrepreneur and soon-to-be new mom.

She went tothe University of Texas in 2003 and rapidly returned pro after her sophomore year, going on to competeat the 2004, 2008 and 2012 Olympicsin the 400 meter and the 4400 meter relay.

REX/ Shutterstock

After supporting the deed of No. 1 400 -meter runner in the world for much of her job, Richards-Ross passed her final hasten last year and is currently embracing retirement( if you can call it that, because shes busier than ever ).

She andher husband, two-time Super Bowl Champion Aaron Ross, are excitedly expecting their first child a son afterwards this year.

Recently, Sanya partnered up with Capital One for its Banking Reimagined Tour a hands-on digital knowledge on wheels that aims to start the conversation about planning for your financialfuture.

The connection between business and sportings is actually pretty simple when you think of it in terms of goal setting.

With summer around the corner and taxation season only wrapping up fitness, snacking healthy and not maxing out your credit card onrooftop happy hoursare all extremely timely topics of interest.

And if theres anyoneyou want to take advice from when it comes tofood or fitness orfinances, 32 -year-old Richards-Ross isdefinitely a solid choice.

Elite Daily got the chance to sit down and talk with Sanya about her retirement, her pregnancy, how shes abiding fit post-competition and her admonition for millennials when it comes to money.

ED: How difficult was your decision to officially withdraw last year ?

SRR: I had been running since I was 7, so for all of “peoples lives”, all that I knew was to be on the line and emulating But I truly is argued that every good thought was necessary to an expiration and I was truly consecrated throughout my profession to have some of the greatest events of my life.

When I was 9, I told school teachers Id be an Olympic champion and I actually reached it. When I loped my final race in 2016 in Eugene at the Olympic Trials, it was bittersweet. I desired the experience of stepping on the racetrack one last-place occasion and I was surely very emotional about it, but I did feel like it was the right time and I think in life that we all follow up modulation and so Im just excited about this phase in my life.

Im certainly going to miss it a lot, but yeah, Im really grateful for all the success I had on the track and Im hoping those events will fuel me to move forward to some other great things in my life.

When I was 9, I told my teacher Id be an Olympic champion and I actually achieved it.

Sanya Richards-Ross

ED: What do you think ranging and playing at such an nobility height learn you about life? How did it prepare you for your works off the track ?

SRR: Ive actually started three jobs already, some of them during my busines and one very recently since I adjourned, and I only feel really good about trying and if it doesnt design, learning from my mistakes and pushing forward toward my ultimate goals.

REX/ Shutterstock

I have learned how to be humble in victory, but also how to be humble in defeat. I think thats one of the greatest readings Ive learned from boasts. And goal fix and hard work and proficiency all of those thoughts clearly restate but I do think that in every business speculation there are always brand-new thoughts that I have to learn and I have to be prepared to study and do the work.

In track, parties ever articulate put in your 10,000 hours before “youve been” stand on that rostrum and so we do those same concepts in our business. We put in those work hours and then believe we can be successful.

I have learned how to be humble in victory, but also how to be humble in defeat.

Sanya Richards-Ross

ED: What was your diet like when you two are training and how has it changed since retirement ?

SRR: You know whats entertaining, my diet hasnt really changed much Were from Jamaica and my mom and dad never ate crimson flesh or pork. So I ever only ate white meat, chicken and fish, and Im kind of a boring eater, as well. I think that has been reflected throughout my career I exactly kind of chew to live, I dont live to devour. So I ever continued a really clean diet.

I had high-protein diets. I would have lots of chicken breasts and I would juice my fruits and vegetables to make sure I was having a really good colorful diet. I sucked tons of irrigate and too when I was learning I would supplement with protein shakes because of course with the load face-lift and all the running, youre burning so much that youre putting in the protein to feed your muscles.

So always exactly a very clean diet high protein, low carbs, lots of liquids. And lots of rest. I mean, I always say that ingesting is one thing, but its also about your residue and recovery and all those things that help you to be an society athlete.

ED: How has your fitness routine changed, specially now that you are pregnant ?

SRR: I recall more my mental approaching than my physical approaching has changed to my practice. I used to go in the gym and I would have really high-pitched purposes, lofty points that I would go in there and ever attempt to achieve, but now I go in and I only want to listen to my body. I have fun when I work out. I still do a lot of the same thoughts. So Im still weight face-lift. I was ranging up until very recently but Im still doing biking and stair-master and elliptical and weight promoting with my mummy, which has been a lot of fun.

Instagram

I think for me, since I desire being active, I know its going to benefit me when I give birth but I dont applied a lot of pres on myself. If I go one or two days and I get too busy to work out, its a different attitude. Before that never happened, but now I give myself to have those days.

ED: What manufactured you want to partner with Capital One for the Banking Reimagined Tour ?

SRR: I think that this is an rousing time in my life and for so long Ive been a career woman, but even then, I havent always find very confident about my own personal business, and so I feel like this is kind of the perfect occasion for me, and I think so many beings out there are just like me who want to feel more empowered about their personal finances.

I feel like Capital One is doing just that with their cafes, their fund managers that really help to kind of drill down into what your life the objectives are, your furies are and how you can fulfill those events by being financially responsible.

ED: Why do you think this campaign is specific relevant for millennials ?

SRR: I conclude the younger “you think youre”, its kind of the right time for you to become more aware and in touch with what you should be doing with your personal investments. As canadian athletes, I always only focused on loping. I was very fortunate to have good beings around me who took good care of me, but even I care I would have expended a little more day places great importance on how I could have invested my coin better and how I could have prepared myself for my future.

So I make for young people, its the perfect time to have opportunities like this and when I think about the tour and just how visual it is and the touch-screen and all these circumstances[ young people] have become so accustomed to, I think theyre perfect parties to take advantage of the opportunity.

ED: Is there anythingyou wish youcould tell your younger self when it comes to coin? Do you have any advice for college students or those only graduating ?

SRR: I guess what I would have told my younger self would be just to take some time out to go to neighbourhoods that can educate me on my personal investments. So like now, with this cafe, I think about how many times I have sat in a Starbucks and talked to acquaintances about things that, yeah they seemed cool at the time, but they wouldnt have the lasting the consequences of being able to speak to a fund manager or life coach.

So I think its all been about exactly taking a little bit of time out of your planned were concentrated in business make at the end of the day its genuinely at the base of all that is we do

I absolutely think its just about taking the time out to find the insight I feel like opportunities like this help you to really fine tune that and get you on the right track.

ED: Is there anything that has astonished you about pregnancy ?

SRR: So Ive had a exceedingly very good maternity. I havent had any morning sickness and most of the times I forget Im pregnant, but the funniest happening is one of my favorite cheat daytimes, campaign I used to on my diet allow every Saturday and Sunday Id have a cheater era not a cheater era, a cheater banquet, so not the entire daylight Id have like pizza, or ice cream or french fries or something. Andmy cousin told me, Ill never forget, she was like, Wait til you eat pizza pregnant, youre going to love it. And I havent!

I cant believehow blah pizza has savor since Ive been pregnant its saddening So hopefully Ill get my pizza tastebuds back after the newborn!

ED: What do you want to educate your son about health and fitness ?

SRR: My spouse and I have both agreed that were certainly not going to push our son into athletics Theone thing that he and I both agree on was that when we were younger, the best part of boasts was just having fun and experiencing it It really is the importance of a healthy lifestyle and that goes well beyond football or line and domain. Just to have really good habits when youre young because that helps you to have a longer and healthier life.

I think a good parent exactly kind of navigates and gently parts you in the right direction So thats what my husband and I want to do when it is necessary to health and wellness and fitness and everything that were going to approaching with him, were going to do everything in our power to do it that way.

Sanya also has a book, Chasing Grace, coming out June 6, which she describes as an inspirational memoir with many of[ her] most personal stories and strives, and then of course[ her] enormous victories and triumphs.

To take Sanyas advice and genuinely start “ve been thinking about” your financial purposes, you are able to check out the Banking Reimagined Tour here. For moreinspirationfrom an fantastically fit and driven mom-to-be, her Instagramis a great region to start.

The post Olympic Gold Medalist Sanya Richards-Ross On Pregnancy, Fitness And Retirement appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[viralhottopics]

X-Plan: Giving Your Kids A Way Out

Friends, as most of you know, I get to spend an hour each week with a group of young people going through addiction recovery. Yes. Young people. Im talking teenagers who are locked away for at least six months as they learn to overcome their addictions. Im always humbled and honored to get this time with these beautiful young souls that have been so incredibly assaulted by a world they have yet to understand. This also comes with the bittersweet knowledge that these kids still have a fighting chance while several of my friends have already had to bury their own children.

Recently I asked these kids a simple question: How many of you have found yourself in situations where things started happening that you werent comfortable with, but you stuck around, mainly because you felt like you didnt have a way out?

They all raised their hands.

Every single one of them.

In the spirit of transparency I get it. Though in my mid-40s, Im still in touch with that awkward boy who often felt trapped in the unpredictable currents of teenage experiences. I cant count the times sex, drugs, and alcohol came rushing into my young world; I wasnt ready for any of it, but I didnt know how to escape and, at the same time, not castrate myself socially. I still recall my first time drinking beer at a friends house in junior high schoolI hated it, but I felt cornered. As an adult, that now seems silly, but it was my reality at the time. Peer pressure was a frivolous term for an often silent but very real thing; and I certainly couldnt call my parents and ask them to rescue me. I wasnt supposed to be there in the first place. As a teen, forcing down alcohol seemed a whole lot easier than offering myself up for punishment, endless nagging and interrogation, and the potential end of freedom as I knew it.

X-Plan

www.BertFulks.com

For these reasons, we now have something called the X-plan in our family. This simple, but powerful tool is a lifeline that our kids are free to use at any time. Heres how it works:

Lets say that my youngest, Danny, gets dropped off at a party. If anything about the situation makes him uncomfortable, all he has to do is text the letter X to any of us (his mother, me, his older brother or sister). The one who receives the text has a very basic script to follow. Within a few minutes, they call Dannys phone. When he answers, the conversation goes like this:

Hello?

Danny, somethings come up and I have to come get you right now.

What happened?

Ill tell you when I get there. Be ready to leave in five minutes. Im on my way.

At that point, Danny tells his friends that somethings happened at home, someone is coming to get him, and he has to leave.

In short, Danny knows he has a way out; at the same time, theres no pressure on him to open himself to any social ridicule. He has the freedom to protect himself while continuing to grow and learn to navigate his world.

www.BertFulks.com

This is one of the most loving things weve ever given him, and it offers him a sense of security and confidence in a world that tends to beat our young people into submission.

However, theres one critical component to the X-plan: Once hes been extracted from the trenches, Danny knows that he can tell us as much or as little as he wants but its completely up to him. The X-plan comes with the agreement that we will pass no judgments and ask no questions (even if he is 10 miles away from where hes supposed to be). This can be a hard thing for some parents (admit it, some of us are complete control-freaks); but I promise it might not only save them, but it will go a long way in building trust between you and your kid.

(One caveat here is that Danny knows if someone is in danger, he has a moral obligation to speak up for their protection, no matter what it may cost him personally. Thats part of the lesson we try to teach our kidswe are our brothers keeper, and sometimes we have to stand for those too weak to stand for themselves. Beyond that, he doesnt have to say a word to us. Ever.)

For many of us parents, we lament the intrusion of technology into our relationships. I hate seeing people sit down to dinner together and then proceed to stare into their phones. It drives me nuts when my kids text me from another room in our house. However, cell phones arent going away so we need to find ways to use this technology to help our kids in any way we can.

Since first publishing this on my personal site, Ive seen an incredible amount of discussion about the pros and cons. Here are some of the questions folks have had:

Doesnt this encourage dishonesty?

Absolutely not. It actually presents an opportunity for you as a parent to teach your kids that they can be honest (something DID come up, and they DO have to leave), while learning that its okay to be guarded in what they reveal to others. They dont owe anyone an explanation the next day, and if asked can give the honest answer, Its private and I dont want to talk about it. Boom! Another chance for a social skill life-lesson from Mom and Dad.

Does this cripple a kid socially instead of teaching them to stand up to others?

I know plenty of adults who struggle to stand up to others. This simply gives your kid a safe way out as you continue to nurture that valuable skill.

What if this becomes habitual?

If youre regularly rescuing your kid, hopefully your family is having some conversations about that.

If you dont talk about it or ask questions, how do they learn?

If youre building a relationship of trust with your kids, theyll probably be the ones to start the conversation. More importantly, most of these conversations need to take place on the FRONT-side of events. Ever taken a cruise? They all make you go through the safety briefing in case the boat sinks. They dont wait until the ships on fire to start telling you about the lifeboats. Talk with them. Let your kids ask questions and give them frank answers.

If theyre not where theyre supposed to be, shouldnt there be consequences?

Lets be honest. A kid in fear of punishment is a lot less likely to reach out for help when the world comes at them. Admitting that theyre in over their heads is a pretty big life lesson all by itself. However, dont get so caught up in all of the details. This isnt a one-size-fits-all scheme. Every parent, every kid, and every situation is unique. What it might look like in your family could be totally different from mineand thats okay.

I urge you to use some form of an X-plan in your home. If you honor it, your kids will thank you for it. You never know when something so simple could be the difference between your kid laughing with you at the dinner table or spending six months in a recovery center or (God forbid) something far worse.

At the end of the day, however, the most important thing is that youre having some open, honest discussions with your kids. Keep building a relationship of trust. This isnt the same world we grew up in. Its not like sneaking a beer at Billys house anymore. Our kids face things on a daily basis thatgiven one bad decisioncan be fatal. Dont believe me? Ive been to funerals for great kids from awesome families.

Friends, its a dangerous world. And our kids are out in it everyday.

Prayers for strength and compassion to the parents out there as we all try to figure out this parenting gigit never gets easy.

Please share this piece. Talk about it with your kids. If this somehow gives just one kid a way out of a bad situation, we can all feel privileged to have been a part of that.

#xplan

Blessings, friends.

This piece originally appeared on www.BertFulks.com

Read more: http://huff.to/2m6fsLP

from X-Plan: Giving Your Kids A Way Out

[apsbicepstraining]

Olympic Gold Medalist Sanya Richards-Ross On Pregnancy, Fitness And Retirement

Sanya Richards-Ross is a four-time Olympic track and realm gold medalist, reached entrepreneur and soon-to-be new mom.

She went tothe University of Texas in 2003 and rapidly returned pro after her sophomore year, going on to competeat the 2004, 2008 and 2012 Olympicsin the 400 meter and the 4400 meter relay.

REX/ Shutterstock

After supporting the deed of No. 1 400 -meter runner in the world for much of her job, Richards-Ross passed her final hasten last year and is currently embracing retirement( if you can call it that, because shes busier than ever ).

She andher husband, two-time Super Bowl Champion Aaron Ross, are excitedly expecting their first child a son afterwards this year.

Recently, Sanya partnered up with Capital One for its Banking Reimagined Tour a hands-on digital knowledge on wheels that aims to start the conversation about planning for your financialfuture.

The connection between business and sportings is actually pretty simple when you think of it in terms of goal setting.

With summer around the corner and taxation season only wrapping up fitness, snacking healthy and not maxing out your credit card onrooftop happy hoursare all extremely timely topics of interest.

And if theres anyoneyou want to take advice from when it comes tofood or fitness orfinances, 32 -year-old Richards-Ross isdefinitely a solid choice.

Elite Daily got the chance to sit down and talk with Sanya about her retirement, her pregnancy, how shes abiding fit post-competition and her admonition for millennials when it comes to money.

ED: How difficult was your decision to officially withdraw last year ?

SRR: I had been running since I was 7, so for all of “peoples lives”, all that I knew was to be on the line and emulating But I truly is argued that every good thought was necessary to an expiration and I was truly consecrated throughout my profession to have some of the greatest events of my life.

When I was 9, I told school teachers Id be an Olympic champion and I actually reached it. When I loped my final race in 2016 in Eugene at the Olympic Trials, it was bittersweet. I desired the experience of stepping on the racetrack one last-place occasion and I was surely very emotional about it, but I did feel like it was the right time and I think in life that we all follow up modulation and so Im just excited about this phase in my life.

Im certainly going to miss it a lot, but yeah, Im really grateful for all the success I had on the track and Im hoping those events will fuel me to move forward to some other great things in my life.

When I was 9, I told my teacher Id be an Olympic champion and I actually achieved it.

Sanya Richards-Ross

ED: What do you think ranging and playing at such an nobility height learn you about life? How did it prepare you for your works off the track ?

SRR: Ive actually started three jobs already, some of them during my busines and one very recently since I adjourned, and I only feel really good about trying and if it doesnt design, learning from my mistakes and pushing forward toward my ultimate goals.

REX/ Shutterstock

I have learned how to be humble in victory, but also how to be humble in defeat. I think thats one of the greatest readings Ive learned from boasts. And goal fix and hard work and proficiency all of those thoughts clearly restate but I do think that in every business speculation there are always brand-new thoughts that I have to learn and I have to be prepared to study and do the work.

In track, parties ever articulate put in your 10,000 hours before “youve been” stand on that rostrum and so we do those same concepts in our business. We put in those work hours and then believe we can be successful.

I have learned how to be humble in victory, but also how to be humble in defeat.

Sanya Richards-Ross

ED: What was your diet like when you two are training and how has it changed since retirement ?

SRR: You know whats entertaining, my diet hasnt really changed much Were from Jamaica and my mom and dad never ate crimson flesh or pork. So I ever only ate white meat, chicken and fish, and Im kind of a boring eater, as well. I think that has been reflected throughout my career I exactly kind of chew to live, I dont live to devour. So I ever continued a really clean diet.

I had high-protein diets. I would have lots of chicken breasts and I would juice my fruits and vegetables to make sure I was having a really good colorful diet. I sucked tons of irrigate and too when I was learning I would supplement with protein shakes because of course with the load face-lift and all the running, youre burning so much that youre putting in the protein to feed your muscles.

So always exactly a very clean diet high protein, low carbs, lots of liquids. And lots of rest. I mean, I always say that ingesting is one thing, but its also about your residue and recovery and all those things that help you to be an society athlete.

ED: How has your fitness routine changed, specially now that you are pregnant ?

SRR: I recall more my mental approaching than my physical approaching has changed to my practice. I used to go in the gym and I would have really high-pitched purposes, lofty points that I would go in there and ever attempt to achieve, but now I go in and I only want to listen to my body. I have fun when I work out. I still do a lot of the same thoughts. So Im still weight face-lift. I was ranging up until very recently but Im still doing biking and stair-master and elliptical and weight promoting with my mummy, which has been a lot of fun.

Instagram

I think for me, since I desire being active, I know its going to benefit me when I give birth but I dont applied a lot of pres on myself. If I go one or two days and I get too busy to work out, its a different attitude. Before that never happened, but now I give myself to have those days.

ED: What manufactured you want to partner with Capital One for the Banking Reimagined Tour ?

SRR: I think that this is an rousing time in my life and for so long Ive been a career woman, but even then, I havent always find very confident about my own personal business, and so I feel like this is kind of the perfect occasion for me, and I think so many beings out there are just like me who want to feel more empowered about their personal finances.

I feel like Capital One is doing just that with their cafes, their fund managers that really help to kind of drill down into what your life the objectives are, your furies are and how you can fulfill those events by being financially responsible.

ED: Why do you think this campaign is specific relevant for millennials ?

SRR: I conclude the younger “you think youre”, its kind of the right time for you to become more aware and in touch with what you should be doing with your personal investments. As canadian athletes, I always only focused on loping. I was very fortunate to have good beings around me who took good care of me, but even I care I would have expended a little more day places great importance on how I could have invested my coin better and how I could have prepared myself for my future.

So I make for young people, its the perfect time to have opportunities like this and when I think about the tour and just how visual it is and the touch-screen and all these circumstances[ young people] have become so accustomed to, I think theyre perfect parties to take advantage of the opportunity.

ED: Is there anythingyou wish youcould tell your younger self when it comes to coin? Do you have any advice for college students or those only graduating ?

SRR: I guess what I would have told my younger self would be just to take some time out to go to neighbourhoods that can educate me on my personal investments. So like now, with this cafe, I think about how many times I have sat in a Starbucks and talked to acquaintances about things that, yeah they seemed cool at the time, but they wouldnt have the lasting the consequences of being able to speak to a fund manager or life coach.

So I think its all been about exactly taking a little bit of time out of your planned were concentrated in business make at the end of the day its genuinely at the base of all that is we do

I absolutely think its just about taking the time out to find the insight I feel like opportunities like this help you to really fine tune that and get you on the right track.

ED: Is there anything that has astonished you about pregnancy ?

SRR: So Ive had a exceedingly very good maternity. I havent had any morning sickness and most of the times I forget Im pregnant, but the funniest happening is one of my favorite cheat daytimes, campaign I used to on my diet allow every Saturday and Sunday Id have a cheater era not a cheater era, a cheater banquet, so not the entire daylight Id have like pizza, or ice cream or french fries or something. Andmy cousin told me, Ill never forget, she was like, Wait til you eat pizza pregnant, youre going to love it. And I havent!

I cant believehow blah pizza has savor since Ive been pregnant its saddening So hopefully Ill get my pizza tastebuds back after the newborn!

ED: What do you want to educate your son about health and fitness ?

SRR: My spouse and I have both agreed that were certainly not going to push our son into athletics Theone thing that he and I both agree on was that when we were younger, the best part of boasts was just having fun and experiencing it It really is the importance of a healthy lifestyle and that goes well beyond football or line and domain. Just to have really good habits when youre young because that helps you to have a longer and healthier life.

I think a good parent exactly kind of navigates and gently parts you in the right direction So thats what my husband and I want to do when it is necessary to health and wellness and fitness and everything that were going to approaching with him, were going to do everything in our power to do it that way.

Sanya also has a book, Chasing Grace, coming out June 6, which she describes as an inspirational memoir with many of[ her] most personal stories and strives, and then of course[ her] enormous victories and triumphs.

To take Sanyas advice and genuinely start “ve been thinking about” your financial purposes, you are able to check out the Banking Reimagined Tour here. For moreinspirationfrom an fantastically fit and driven mom-to-be, her Instagramis a great region to start.

The post Olympic Gold Medalist Sanya Richards-Ross On Pregnancy, Fitness And Retirement appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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