#i accidentally trained myself to take my socks off in my sleep

[the-dream-team]

hi dylan! i've seen you around a lot but never interacted with your posts before (a tragic error) so i wanted to remedy that by saying that 'July' was very beautiful and utterly perfect!

P.S. I've heard some mumblings about Shirtless James May 👀👀 here is my formal request for you to participate 😂

Oh my gosh, hi! I’ve definitely seen your username around, so it’s lovely to finally say hello :) That’s so sweet, I’m glad you liked July- it was very fun to write! And you know what else was fun to write? This ridiculous one shot for Shirtless JP May, dedicated you, @sunshine-marauders <3

Three Times Lily Evans Did NOT Want to See James Potter Shirtless and One Time She Most Certainly Did

***

“Mr. Potter, please put your trousers back on, my boy!”

“Sir, I would, but there’s just no way of telling if this potion might be poisonous, and I’d rather play it safe.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed as she shrugged off her own robes, now covered head to toe in acidic slime from the Dungbomb that had just exploded in her and Sev’s cauldron. The purple liquid smelled something foul, but there was nothing poisonous about what was once a perfectly brewed Sleeping Draught. James Potter knew that, but he’d stripped down to his pants regardless. 

“Really, Professor Slughorn, I don’t mind,” Potter continued while he sauntered back to his own workstation, bare chest puffed out as though he wasn’t practically nude in the middle of the damn classroom. His display garnered a collection of giggles from around the dungeons and a wolf whistle from Remus. “And who am I to deny my fellow third years of this view?”

Lily scoffed. She couldn’t speak for her classmates, but she knew her own view consisted of scrawny limbs, knobbly knees, and the most insufferable smirk known to wizardkind. And when he turned to her with fingers running through his hair and an infuriatingly pointed look in her direction, Lily balled her hands into fists, nails digging into her palms to keep herself from reaching out to smack that stupid grin and those lopsided glasses clean off his face.

***

“There’d better be a good explanation for this, Potter.”

“It kills me, Evans, because there is an excellent explanation for our current predicament- one that I think you’d find admirable and impressive- but unfortunately we’re sworn to secrecy, so you’ll just have to assign us detentions and continue on with your rounds for the night.”

Lily turned, exasperated, to Remus, whose Prefect’s badge looked awfully heavy on his robes that night. He didn’t meet her eye, instead focusing on his three naked friends standing before them in the middle of the first floor corridor. Well, mostly naked. Each of the fifth year Gryffindor boys held strategically placed Shrivelfig leaves to cover their most intimate areas, but only Peter looked as though that protection was a matter of life or death. Sirius stood as casually as he always did, completely unphased to find himself caught clothesless in the middle of the night, and James somehow looked more confident than usual (if that was even possible) with his chest on full display. He seemed to be strategically flexing every Quidditch-trained muscle as he grinned down at her with that pointed look she’d become far too familiar with. She spent every last drop of concentration keeping her eyes locked on James’ face to avoid any potential… drifting. 

“Did you have any luck?” said Remus after a moment. Lily whipped around in shocked betrayal. He couldn’t possibly approve of this behaviour?

“Not this time,” Sirius responded, “but I got bloody close. Don’t think having clothes makes a difference, but it was worth trying.”

“I’d say we should be on track to making it work before the end of the month,” added James, his crooked grin turning into a proper smile. 

Remus’ eyes sparkled. “Holy shit, that’s brilliant.”

Lily let out a frustrated grunt before turning on her heel to storm away from the disrobed boys and her fellow Prefect, upset that Remus wouldn’t take their duties seriously, but thankful to be out of sight from James’ sharp gaze, finally able to let the blush she’d been desperately fighting back escape across her cheeks.

***

“I’m sorry, Evans, but I don’t make the rules. You’ve got to lose an article of clothing or else you’ll have to forfeit.”

“That’s bollocks, Black, you literally came up with the idea for Strip Exploding Snap this evening.” 

The sixth years were circled up around the Common Room’s fireplace, loose socks and sweaters littering the floor, a half-empty bottle of stolen Firewhisky passing around from hand to hand. If it weren’t for Mary’s ridiculous crush on Sirius, Lily would never have found herself anywhere near this kind of event, but she’d decided to be a good friend, and now she was down to an undershirt and knickers. It was unclear whether her face burned red from the whiskey or the nerves. 

“Look, Evans,” Sirius continued with an air of indifference, “if you’re not going to participate, you can just put your cards back in the pile-”

“I’ll do it for her!” James nearly shouted as he jumped up from his seat, swaying slightly. His eyes as glossy as the crooked glasses falling down his nose. He reached for the collar of his white t-shirt, grabbing hold to pull it over his head, but a competitive rush propelled Lily to her feet. 

“No!” she protested before the shirt could make its way too far up James’ stomach. He froze in place, peering over the fabric at her in confusion. “You can’t just play for me, Potter, that’s not fair. I want to win on my own.”

“Really, Evans, I don’t mind,” laughed James, finally following through to remove the shirt completely. His glasses came off in the process, stuck in the fabric, and Lily nearly choked as her mouth went dry at the full sight of him, broader and fuller than she’d remembered. Had she ever seen him without his glasses before? His face as naked as his torso? She needed another drink. 

“I’m not going to let you cheat,” she said, actually stomping her foot in the process. And to prove the dedication to her claims, she stripped down to her bra and sent James her most determined, pointed stare. His glasses made their way back to his face so fast, he nearly poked his eye out. “Now, put your shirt back on, Potter, or I’ll come over there and do it myself.”

“That’s not the threat you think it is, Evans,” he breathed, nearly choking on his words. 

Lily thought her leaping heart must be horribly visible through her exposed skin.

“Do you both need the rest of us to leave?” chimed in Sirius, throwing Lily from her rapidly spiraling thoughts. 

She immediately sat back down, throwing James his shirt in the process, desperately trying to contain the butterflies threatening to escape through her throat. His shirt never made it back over his head and the rest of the night no longer passed in minutes, but instead in glances stolen from across the room.

***

“Whatever is the problem, Miss Evans, my dear?”

“Sir, I accidentally spilled an entire vial of Mermaid venom all over Potter. It’s burned straight through his robes and I’m worried it might be serious. Do you mind if I leave to take him to Madam Pomfrey’s?”

Professor Slughorn fumbled out a concerned response, granting his blessing, and Lily spared no time grabbing James by the wrist to drag him out of the classroom and through the dungeons. His eyes were wide as he studied the golden liquid eating through the fabric of his sweater. “Is this poisonous?” he asked, fingers fumbling with his deteriorating uniform. 

Lily spun around with emerald fire behind her eyes. “It is,” she responded, stopping him in his tracks as they turned a corner. “So we ought to play it safe and get these off you.”

She watched his eyes flash with sudden realization before she pulled off his sweater and made quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

The knowing grin that broke out across James’ face sent waves of elation through her heart, radiating out to find him again and pull him down to her. Their mouths met with smiling lips and heavy sighs, eager to reconnect after what felt like ages apart, but in reality, couldn’t have been more than an hour. 

“What did I do to deserve this?” James asked through jagged breaths as he grabbed for the door handle to the nearest broom closet, dragging Lily in after him by the waist. 

“You gave me that look,” she said, laughing slightly as she moved her hands up his warm skin to comb through his tousled hair. “That bloody pointed look you get that drives me crazy.” She kissed him and he deepened it before pausing. 

“Wait. You poisoned me because I looked at you?”

“I spilled poison on you because I wanted to get your shirt off.”

He beamed, his smile brightening the dim, crowded cupboard as he brought his hands up to hold her face. “Well, in that case, who am I to deny you this view?”

She scoffed. Then kissed him again.

[lumosinlove]

chapter x

Remus didn’t even hesitate. He ran, socks slipping on the floor, and all but slid into the door to open it, hoping, hoping that it would be—

And there Sirius was, swaying on his feet in the hallway. He has a snapback on, hair curling down on his forehead and his shoulders were tense. There was purple dusted beneath his eyes and he looked exhausted. He looked at Remus for a long moment before Remus watched his throat work around a swallow.

“I hope it’s okay that—”

But Remus was already pulling him inside and wrapping his arms around his neck. Sirius let out a breath and Remus heard his bag drop heavily to the floor, heard the door fall closed, and then Sirius’ arms were just as tight around him. Sirius felt overly warm and shaky in his arms, and he shuttered a little when Remus pressed his cool hand to the back of his neck, knocking his hat off so he could run his fingers through his dark hair a few times.

“Of course it’s okay. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Remus felt Sirius drop his forehead to his shoulder, then press his nose into his neck. He was hunched over, too tall for it, really, but Remus pressed up on his toes and held him tight.

“At least I know why he wouldn’t look at me now,” Sirius’ voice was muffled.

“It’s not you,” Remus said, feeling anger bubble back up in his chest. “He’s being fucking, I don’t know, brainwashed or something. By Snape and his fucking—Snape and Malfoy.”

Sirius didn’t respond, but let Remus take more of his weight. His breathing felt uneven against Remus’ chest. Remus pulled back after a few more seconds and pressed a palm to his cheek.

“What can I do? Are you hungry? Or does a shower sound good, maybe?”

Sirius nodded. “Shower, I think. It’s okay I’m here? Your parents—”

“Left this morning,” Remus cut him off, then smiled a little. “They’re so worried about you, you know. I thought Julian was going to explode. He was so angry about that video, I actually thought he might drop that ‘F’ bomb he accidentally learned from me two years ago.”

A laugh startled out of Sirius, eyes tired. “Wow. My best fan.”

Remus slid his hands down Sirius’ arms and laced their fingers together to give him a little tug in the direction of the bathroom. “I thought I was your best fan.”

“I don’t know. I think my best fan would wear my jersey for me.”

Remus was glad, at least, that he was joking, even a little.

“Maybe for now,” Sirius said as they reached Remus’ bathroom. “you can just shower with me?”

Remus let out a breath of relief. “If you didn’t ask, I was going to.”

He turned the shower on and watched out of the corner of his eye as Sirius stripped. While the water was heating up, Sirius pressed himself all along Remus’ back. He was naked, but it wasn’t sexual. He was just…looking for warmth, maybe. Looking for Remus.

“Have to take your clothes off, non?”

Remus let Sirius rid him of his sweatshirt and sweatpants and then they stepped into the shower. Remus maneuvered Sirius under the hot spray and reached up to tilt his head back. His heart was pounding, and he tried to take a few steadying breaths. He wanted so badly for Sirius to be okay. Remus reached down and smoothed Sirius’ hands, which were unconscious fists, into loose palms.

“I,” Sirius began. “Don’t, um. I don’t really feel like…”

Remus shook his head. “Me neither. Relax, baby, okay?”

A slow smile spread over Sirius’ face and he leaned down, fingers gentle against Remus’ jaw and broad back blocking some of the spray, and kissed Remus—soft and slow.

Remus leaned into it, letting Sirius gather him against his chest, skin on skin. He was warmer than the water, gentle and hurting.

“What if you weren’t here?” Sirius said quietly. Water was dripping in his eyes and they were so blue suddenly, a dark, stormy sea color.

Remus pressed his palms to the broad span of Sirius’ back.

“I’d…” Sirius rubbed his thumb across Remus’ cheek. “I’d come home. I’d feel horrible, and I’d go downstairs…skate, shoot pucks. I’d do that until I couldn’t anymore, and I’d go to bed. And that’s it.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck, Sirius’ settling around his waist. He tangled his fingers in the wet hair plastered against his skin. “Well, you’re not going to do that now. I’ll kiss you senseless, make you two plates of my mom’s turkey dinner…” Remus pressed up and kissed him again.

“Mm…” Sirius let Remus tilt his chin back and kiss his neck. “Parfait.”

Remus scraped his teeth gently against his jaw. “I would ask if you were going to practice tomorrow, but…”

“Of course I am,” Sirius said, the expression he wore on the ice flickering across his features.

Remus kissed him again. “I know, Captain.”

“But I’m not thinking about that right now,” Sirius sighed and his eyes dropped closed. “I can’t…think right now. I’ll drive myself insane.”

Remus shushed him softly, reaching for the shampoo. “You don’t have to.”

Remus woke up the next morning to Sirius’ alarm, earlier than usual so he could go home and change for practice. He blinked awake sleepily as Sirius groaned and hit at it. He rolled over and buried his face into Remus’ neck, pressing them together.

“…ne veux pas me lever,” he mumbled. “Nous restons.”

“Entraînement,” Remus said, huddling closer and his eyes still closed.

“Nous restons,” Sirius mumbled again, sounding half way back to sleep already.

The snooze went off again ten minutes later, and Sirius sat up this time. Remus blinked his eyes open in time to watch Sirius scrub his hands over his face a few times, arms and back flexing as he pushed them back through his hair. It had dried curlier than usual from being slept on while wet. Remus reached out to trace the band of his underwear, and Sirius looked over his shoulder at him, eyes tired, but smiling gently.

“Bon matin,” he said, voice raspy with sleep, and then he twisted back around to kiss Remus, deep and slow, with a palm pressed to his chest for support. “Bon matin.”

Remus hummed into the kiss happily, putting his hand on top of Sirius’. “Still feel like I’m dreaming when I wake up with you.”

Sirius laughed. “Good. I’m doing something right.”

“How are you?” Remus asked tentatively.

Sirius sighed, mouth pulling to the side like he was biting the inside of his cheek, but he nodded. “I’m…I’m okay. I’ll probably think about it more later, but…I don’t know. I’m glad we have the roadie to distract me. I’m not excited to answer questions about it.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “You’re never excited to answer questions about anything.”

“That’s true,” Sirius laughed, then gave Remus a short kiss. “But, really. I am okay. You make me okay.”

Remus smiled, and was about to pull him back down for some more kisses when Sirius gently smacked his hip a few times.

“Let’s go, Lupin, rink in twenty!” Sirius rolled off of the bed and was half way to the bathroom when he stopped and spun. “Loops.”

Remus raised himself up on his elbows. “Mm?”

“What was your number? When you played.”

Remus took a breath before answering. “Six.”

Sirius grinned, head tilting. “Half of twelve. Good. Very lucky.”

Remus laughed. “What if I had said thirteen?”

Sirius gave a shutter and disappeared into the bathroom. Remus laughed, and threw the covers back to follow.

“Hey,” Remus said as Sirius started his car. “I wanted to…I thought maybe we should talk about the roadie coming up.”

“Yes?” Sirius glanced over at him as he drove. He has sunglasses on and a team snapback and Remus sort of wanted to ask him to pull over so they could crawl into the backseat.

“Well,” Remus reached over and grabbed his hand across the seats. “I know how important it is for us to be careful, and that’s the only reason I’m saying this. If I had it my way, like, I mean if we could, then the answer would be clear, but…” Remus took a breath, knowing he was rambling. “Do you want to…sleep together? I’m just bringing it up because I won’t be hurt or anything if you don’t because…you know. It’d be pretty hard to explain if someone saw me coming out of your room at the wrong time. Or the other way around.”

Remus looked over at Sirius to see that he was chewing his lip. He couldn’t see his eyes but he knew the expression that rested in them. It would be the same one that he wore when they were down in a game—tight and calculating, trying to see how to make it work.

Remus squeezed his hand. “We don’t have to decide now.”

“Let’s not,” Sirius said. “I want to think about you near me today, even if I can’t kiss you, while I have to deal with absolutely everyone asking if I’m okay. Because I may or may not have responded to anyone’s texts and, given the fact that they don’t know about us…”

Remus nodded. “They’ll think you were doing laps on your rink all night.”

“Oui.”

Sirius pulled briefly into a side street behind the rink to let Remus out and he checked his mirrors before leaning in.

“Until tonight?” Sirius said, pressing a last kiss to Remus’ cheek.

“See you in there,” Remus ran quick fingers through his hair, and hopped out of the car.

He felt like there were one thousand and one eyes on him as he showed his badge to Tony at the front desk, and walked into his office.

Moody looked up at him with his good eye from where he was unpacking fresh boxes of stick glue and sanding paper. “Good break?”

“Yeah, always good to see the family. You?”

“Kids all made it home, despite working all around the country. Can’t complain. Hear the news?”

Remus looked down at his desk, taking a breath. “Yeah. It’s horrible.”

“Fucking fowl play, is what it is,” Moody grumbled.

“Couldn’t agree more. I just…you know, Sirius just got back. He was just getting confident again.”

“Not what the kid needed, that’s for sure,” Moody sighed and rose with a grunt. “Better get in there. Coach’ll be going in soon, the boys gearing up.”

Remus nodded, throwing his bag into his chair and shoving his phone and badge into his pocket. He left his jacket off, going with his gray shirt with the distressed, overly-washed red Lions Training Staff on the back. He picked up a box of tape, thinking that the wrack was probably empty after break, and followed Moody.

The locker room was about what about what Remus expected. Sirius was half-dressed in his stall, hat off and rolling his socks on while James leaned close to him, seemingly whispering furiously. His hazel eyes were full of concern and brighter, as they always looked after he put his contacts in.

Sirius was talking back to him, nodding, and finally Remus saw him wrap an arm around his shoulder, as if he was assuring James that he was okay, really okay.

“Remus,” Pascal appeared beside him, clapping a strong hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you are the lucky one.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What?” he said skeptically. He always had to be ready for a prank if Pascal or Logan approached him. Remus glanced over at Logan to see if maybe he was watching, if Pascal was the distraction, but Logan was leaning against the wall beside Leo, laughing as he watched Leo throw two balls against the wall in rapid succession—a classic goalie practice.

“Dumo?” Remus prompted.

Pascal threw his hands up. “No one I have talked to could reach our Captain last night. I was hoping that you were successful.”

“Oh,” Remus hoped he wasn’t blushing. “No. No, I never did. But, you know. We’re not that good of friends.”

Pascal squinted at him for a moment, and then a slow smile broke out across his face and he all but waggled a finger at him. “Okay, Remus, okay.”

“What?” Remus asked again, but Pascal merely patted him on the cheek.

Remus, only a little unsettled, made his way over to the tape wrack and started organizing the black from the white.

“Bon matin,” said a voice in his ear, and Remus smiled.

“Hi, Pads.”

Sirius smiled down at him.

“Okay? James looked…”

Sirius glanced behind him, but they were relatively out of ear shot. “Just making sure I’m okay. You know how he gets. Like a mother. Worrying.”

Remus laughed and nodded.

“Just need some tape,” Sirius said with a tilt of his head. “Tape my sticks.”

“Black, right?” Remus twirled a roll around his finger. “Black for Black?”

“Oui,” Sirius took the tape, letting their fingers brush together for a moment. He flipped it  up in the air as he walked away and caught it behind his back. “Merci.”

Remus swore the first thing he was going to do tonight was take Sirius to bed.

Remus followed the boys down the tunnel to practice, letting himself sit on the bench for at least half of the practice before he had to go back and set up for Kasey’s physical therapy session on his thigh. He glanced at the goal. Kasey was looking good today, and Remus wanted to keep it that way.

His eyes followed Sirius around the ice, he couldn’t help it. He was focused, as usual, eyes hard and listening to Coach before springing towards the drills they were doing. He was laughing with Logan and Pascal, seeming to send Logan over to try a trick shot on Leo, which he saved easily. Logan swatted Leo’s butt with his stick in retribution before laughing and skating away for the cross-over drills.

Finally, James came over for some water and leaned on the boards in front of Remus.

“Fruit-Loop,” James said casually.

“Hey, Pots,” Remus glanced up to make sure Sirius was across the ice. He was at the whiteboards with Finn, one glove beneath his armpit and marker cap in his mouth as he pointed. “How’s he doing?”

James sighed and briefly looked over, too. “He seems…pretty good actually. I’m sort of surprised. I mean…” James fiddled with his stick before resting his chin on it thoughtfully. “Between you and me, he doesn’t really talk about this stuff.”

“Really,” Remus nodded along.

“Yeah, but it also really gets him down. Like you can just tell. Like, when we were still rooming on roadies, I always knew when his dad or mom had been texting him. I mean, you know, after we cracked that frosty front of is. But…” James chewed on his lip for a second. “He’d just get this look about him, you know?”

Oh, Remus knew alright.

“I’m glad he’s doing better this time,” Remus said.

“Well, that’s the thing!” James spluttered. Then, voice lowered. “It makes me think he’s…you know. Got someone.”

“Got someone,” Remus repeated slowly.

“Yeah, like a girlfriend.”

“Really.”

“Yeah,” James grinned. “I mean I fucking hope so, he’s just alone in that house all the time. Anyway, you wanna help me get him to bring her to Dumo’s Christmas party and Family Skate?”

Remus looked down to where James had, seemingly subconsciously or out of habit, begun to twist all of the water bottle lids off just enough so that they’d fall off when used, and the drinker would get a face full of Gatorade. He was too distracted to comment. “Me?”

“I don’t really wanna go spreading it around the room if I’m wrong but, well, someone’s gotta help.”

Remus couldn't decide if he wanted to laugh or not. He settled with a noncommittal nod, and that seemed to be enough for James.

They were headed to Canada for the road trip: Montreal, Ottawa, Tornoto, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Calgary, and Vancouver. It was the once-a-year doozy straight that was brutally cold this time of the year.

“But pretty fun,” Logan said in the locker room to Kasey. The boys were sweaty from practice and slowly undressing while they talked.

Kasey sent him a flat look, tying his hair back. “That’s because you’ve only done it a few times.”

“At least we’re in the NHL,” said Leo with a soft smile.

“Yeah, I’m with Peanut,” Logan said.

Leo blushed. “If anyone’s the peanut, it’s you.”

That roused howls from around the room and Pascal wrapped an arm around Leo.

“Look at this. The baby rookie, doing my job for me.”

Kasey whipped Logan in the arm with his towel. “Way to take him down notch, Nut.”

“I wasn’t—No, I wasn’t trying to…”

Logan sent him a smile. “It’s alright, Nut. I know I’m…not tall.”

Kasey cackled. “He can’t even say it.”

Finn leaned over from the other side of Timmy Kane with a somber look on his face. “You’re short, Tremz. It’s okay, we all understand. Everything, will be, okay.”

“Fuck off,” Logan laughed. Then, he glanced at Leo. “At least I don’t have giant squid limbs. Seriously, Knut, how do you control these things?”

“I…don’t?” Leo laughed. “I don’t know.”

“Good for filling up a goal though,” Kasey raised an eyebrow. “If not other things. Bet you make some girl pretty happy, eh?”

Leo was bright red. “What?”

Kasey shrugged. “You know what they say about big sticks…”

“That’s feet,” Finn said.

“That, too.”

Logan mumbled something about hitting the showers, and Leo watched him go.

Remus looked between them all from where he was folding towels with an amused smile. This was part of what he loved most about his job. Just listening. Remembering what it was like to be in a locker room and getting to experience it again.

He spied Sirius over by the fridge, drinking water and looking at his phone, and he decided to take a small risk. He walked over, and pretended to be sorting through the various energy bars stashed on the counter.

“Travel day tomorrow. No games.”

Sirius glanced up, then back at his phone. “Oui.”

Remus crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter, mirroring Sirius’ pose.

“Do you think it’s true?”

Sirius didn’t look up, but Remus could feel his interest. “Do I think what’s true?”

Remus took a breath. “What they say about long sticks.”

Remus had to bite his lip to keep from smiling at the way Sirius’ head snapped towards him. “Oh,” Sirius laughed softly. “Well, I wouldn’t know.”

“Well. Would you want to find out?” Remus looked back at him, mouth barely moving, the words only for him. “Tonight.”

Sirius blinked at him for a moment. Remus watched a flush rise up his neck to his ears, then his cheeks. He laughed, and Remus grinned at his own joke.

“Yes,” Sirius breathed. “Oui, yes.”

Remus nodded, trying to control his heart rate.

“Do you need a ride home?”

“Yeah,” Remus nodded. “Yeah, I really do.”

Sirius all but ran towards the showers, nearly knocking Logan over, now dripping in just a towel.

“Whoa, Cap, where’s the fire?”

“Beneath your ass,” Finn said as he walked by, stark naked, and whipped Logan’s butt with his towel.

The last thing Remus heard was Logan cursing him out in French.

He waited for Sirius in the sub-basement of the parking garage as subtly as he could. He saw a few of the guys; Timmy heading out to dinner, Sergei going home to his family, but they didn’t bat an eye. When Sirius finally appeared from behind the opening elevator doors, Remus couldn’t help but be grateful. He was hornier than he had been in a while, and wanting to get away from prying eyes.

“Salut,” Sirius said. His hair was wet from his shower, and it reminded Remus of the first time he had taken Sirius home.

“Hi,” Remus smiled.

They walked to the car mostly in silence, but once they were inside, Remus said, “Mine or yours?”

“Mine,” Sirius started the engine. “I want to cook you breakfast.”

“You can’t cook.”

“I want to kiss you while you make breakfast in my kitchen.”

Remus laughed. “I need to kiss you. Drive fast.”

Remus was already half hard in anticipation by the time Sirius was punching the code into his gate and pulling into his garage. He glanced down at Sirius’ lap before they got out of the car to see that he wasn’t the only one.

Sirius’ garage entered into the mudroom off of the kitchen. They were silent the walked through, Sirius dropping his bag into a chair and opening the fridge.

“You want anything? Water?”

Remus followed him. He turned him around with a hand on his shoulder and closed the refrigerator door with the other.

Sirius smiled. “Oh, you do want something.”

Remus nodded, thigh fitting snuggly between Sirius’. “Yeah.”

“We’re going upstairs?” Sirius pushed off of the cupboard Remus had pinned him against and started walking them backwards. “Maybe you don’t have to sneak into my bedroom this time.”

“I did not sneak,” Remus let himself be pushed gently against the wall by Sirius’ grand staircase.

“No?” Sirius leaned into kiss his neck.

“I was looking for…” Remus began, but the Sirius was sucking a bruise into the tender skin beneath his jaw and he forgot what he was looking for.

“Come on,” Sirius said.

Being back in Sirius’ bedroom was a completely different experience. For one, he wasn’t a little drunk. Everything was clear as day. The tall windows letting the afternoon light in, the white curtains that there was no way Sirius picked out himself, the pictures on the dresser. The massive bed.

“And when you were being nosy,” Sirius said, and then pushed Remus back onto the bed, only to climb his way on top of him. “Bet you didn’t know how much you’d find.”

Remus laughed, twisting his hands into Sirius’ sweatshirt. “You mean, did I know that I’d find out I had a chance with the boy I’d been fantasizing about since I was sixteen? Yeah, no, don’t think I could have guessed that one.”

Sirius pulled back some, eyes dark and pleased. “Sixteen, eh?”

Remus nodded, running his hands up and under Sirius’ sweatshirt. “Took one look at that face in the newspaper, and then I saw a video of you playing…I was pretty done for after that.” Remus smiled. “And mopey about it for a while.”

Sirius’ head tilted. “Mopey?”

“Sad,” Remus said, then laughed at himself. “Which sounds stupid given the fact that I never met you and, let’s be real, you weren’t the nicest person on camera.”

“I was an asshole, you mean,” Sirius smiled.

“Maybe a little,” Remus pushed his hands up further. “Okay, take your clothes off, please.”

Sirius chuckled and let Remus push his sweatshirt over his head, taking his t-shirt with it. Remus’ hands moved to the button on his jeans. “These, too.”

“I’m the only one?” Sirius rolled off of Remus so he could kick his pants away. “Get busy, Loops.”

Remus undressed quickly, mostly so he could catch Sirius with his underwear still on. He settled between Sirius’ thighs and Sirius made a surprised noise, leaning back against the pillows.

Remus curled his fingers into the band of Sirius’ underwear, kissing just below his navel.

“Do you like blowjobs?”

Sirius let out a breath. “Fuck, um. Well…” he hesitated. “Looking at you down there, I think I might but truthfully I’ve never…”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Had one.”

Sirius nodded, but the way Remus could see his dick filling through his underwear contradicted his words.

“Can I?” Remus said softly, rubbing a palm over Sirius’ dick. “Can I try?”

Sirius nodded again.

Remus smiled, internally triumphant. “First I want to see something.”

Sirius made a questioning noise, but Remus stayed silent and simply continued his gentle strokes over Sirius’ cock through the thin, light-gray fabric of his boxers.

“Mm,” Sirius said, realizing. “I see.”

Remus glanced up at him. “Yeah?” He squeezed the base of Sirius’ cock, then pressed a little harder at the tip.

Sirius made a punched out noise. “Fuck. You’re going to get what you want if you keep that up.”

Remus could see that Sirius was almost fully hard now, beginning to push at the fabric more, the head pressing up against the elastic band. He worked Sirius steadily for another few seconds, and then he leaned down and pressed his tongue to the head. Finally, the fabric got dark with the first little bit of Sirius’ precome. Remus could hear Sirius’ breath coming faster, and Remus leaned back to watch. He pressed the heel of his palm down, the other hand smoothing over Sirius’ strong thigh.

“Fuck, Sirius,” Remus said. He watched as the the fabric of his boxers darkened around the head of his cock, dripping and becoming shiny. Remus’ own cock was hard, pressed between the bed and his stomach, and it was all he could do not to rut against the sheets. But he wanted to last. He had plans for after this.

“Loops, come on, come on,” Sirius said.

Remus nodded, and pulled the now soaked boxers down Sirius’ thighs and flung them away to the floor. It was even hotter bare, seeing Sirius dripping and ready like that. He was rock hard, dick twitching above his stomach. Remus didn’t give him any warning. He circled his hand around the base and closed his lips around the head.

Sirius’ hips jolted with a little “Ah!” His hand shot out to tangle in Remus’ hair.

“D’accord,” Sirius breathed. His fingers tightened in Remus’ hair as Remus took more of him in his mouth.“Okay, okay.”

Remus took a little more of him, his fist covering the rest. He was hot and salty on his tongue. Remus could faintly smell the clean soap of the rink’s showers and Sirius’ skin. It was heady and warm, and Remus pressed his palms up to hold Sirius’ hips, flattening them against his abs.

Sirius broke into rapid French suddenly, a long string of words that Remus was too focused to understand, and he both tried to pull Remus’ mouth off of him while his hips also bucked up.

“Remus, Remus, no, I’m going to—”

Remus hummed. That sounded okay.

“No, no, I want—with you. Don’t want to come yet.”

Remus opened his eyes, and remembered what they were leading up to. He pulled off carefully and Sirius groaned, head falling back into the pillows. He reached down and gripped himself, as if holding himself back from coming.

“Fuck,” Remus sat up with a soft laugh. He smoothed his hands up and down Sirius’ big thighs. “You’re alright, baby.”

“Do not say that right now, I will lose my mind,” Sirius said, followed by a breathy laugh. He took a few breaths before opening his eyes again. The light gray was nearly swallowed by his pupils and his cheeks were flushed. His cock looked swollen and tight, still on the edge.

“Amazing, Re,” he said, then his expression flickered a little. “I…when did you ever—I mean, I know you aren’t out, so when…”

“College,” Remus said. “Like, maybe three times. It wasn’t…” Remus scrunched his nose. “Great. The guy was nice, I knew him from one of my classes. He just sort of wanted to know what it was like, but so did I, so…worked out well. No strings,” Remus smiled. “Nothing like it is with you. Nothing like it at all.”

Sirius nodded, looking like he was thinking about it. “I’m glad this is better.”

Remus laughed. “Uh oh, here he comes. Competitive Captain Sirius Black.”

Sirius smiled a little. “I just don’t want you to think I’m here only to ‘know what it’s like.’ Oui?”

Remus looked at him for a moment, breath half taken. He felt the words settle somewhere deep inside his chest, and he pressed his hand there for a moment, as if to feel them. He nodded. “Yeah. That—me too. It’s,” he hesitated, then settled on, “it’s more than that.”

Sirius pulled his lip into his mouth and nodded quietly.

The conversation seemed to have cooled them both down enough that they would last more than a few seconds, and Remus was glad. He could see that Sirius’ dick had softened a little, as had his own, and he crawled forward to kiss Sirius hard, sinking into the heat of his hands on his back. He pressed their hips together like the first time.

“Do you still want…” Remus began, and Sirius nodded. “Okay. Alright, do you have stuff? Condom, lube.”

“Drawer, left drawer, yeah,” Sirius said, and Remus stretched out to retrieve them.

“Do you ever finger—”

“Yeah,” Sirius gushed out. “I like it a lot.” Then he flushed, like he had said too much.

That made Remus’ entire neck heat up. “Fuck, alright. Just tell me what feels good, yeah?”

Sirius’ dark hair and dark eyes looked bright on the pillow, and he nodded, then pulled Remus back down for a sloppy kiss.

It didn’t take Remus long to find a rhythm. Sirius was relaxed and pliant beneath him, a tight heat around his fingers. Remus punctuated every stroke with a kiss to his mouth or neck. He took deep, slowing breaths, honestly worried for his stamina with the noises that Sirius kept making. Remus pressed up a little with the pads of his fingers and Sirius jolted.

“Oh fuck me, fuck,” Sirius hissed, fingers tight around Remus’ arm. “Again, allez.”

Remus grinned, breathless and pressing himself against Sirius’ thigh, just to relieve some pressure, and did it again, and again, until Sirius’ cock was drooling across his stomach and his mouth was open and red.

“Jesus, Pads,” Remus breathed. “You think you’re—”

Sirius nodded, eyes opening slowly. “Oui, s’il vous plaît, Remus, je le veux, je le veux, oui…”

“Shh,” Remus said, hands shaky as he picked up the condom. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me…” he shook his head and tore the condom open.

Sirius laughed weakly, chest flushed and cock looking more than a little tender against his stomach. He placed his palm by himself, but didn’t touch, as if he couldn’t, and his cock jumped at the almost-brush.

Remus bit his lip against a noise as he rolled the condom on himself. His balls felt heavy and tight, but he was determined to make this good for Sirius. So good.

“Ready, baby? All good?”

Sirius nodded, letting Remus push his knee back a little. Sirius’ hand covered Remus’ on the tender back of his knee, and Remus pressed a kiss to one of the tendons there.

Remus watched Sirius’ face the entire time. The way his eyes slipped shut. How his brows drew together and his mouth fell open a little.

“Okay?”

“Allez, allez,” Sirius panted, and then Remus felt one of his heels against the back of his thigh.

Remus dropped to his elbows as he bottomed out, forehead pressed into Sirius’ neck. Sirius’ hand went to his hair, thumb rubbing back and forth across the back of his neck. He was mumbling in French again, barely formed words. He reached a large palm down and pressed it against Remus’ ass, pulling him deeper. They both moaned. Remus got his knees beneath himself and pulled out until the tip caught, then pressed back in again in a slow glide.

They were lost. Remus wasn’t even sure he could hear anything except Sirius, feel anything except Sirius, who was holding him so tightly he was sure there would be marks. The thought only made him want to be held tighter, to press into Sirius harder. Everything was centered down to where his body met Sirius’. Sirius’ lips were pressed against his cheek, panting out his name, and Remus swore he could never be more happy than he was right now, with Sirius’ hand in his hair and the other clutching his hip. He rutted into Sirius in long, slow thrusts. He looked between them, his cock a dark pink against Sirius’ tan skin, disappearing and then appearing again. Sirius’ cock was shining and Remus reached down to take it in his hand. There was barely any friction.

“Remus…” Sirius whispered, abs jumping at Remus’ touch. “I’m gonna come,” his voice pitched up at the end. “I’m gonna—”

Remus snapped his hips forward faster, “Yes, baby, yes.”

Sirius groaned low in his throat, going tense, then sucked in a breath. Remus watched the base of his dick pulse as he came between them.

“Re,” Sirius gasped as he came, and tilted Remus’ face to kiss him slowly. His tongue brushed over Remus’ until he was dizzy, until he shoved in one last time and ground his hips there until he spilled into the condom.

The feeling made Sirius whimper, sensitive and longing, and he kissed Remus harder. They kissed for what felt like hours, sweaty and sticking together. Remus dragged his lips from Sirius’, kissing across his cheek and jaw, then moving to the other side. Sirius had his eyes closed, breathing slowing, but hands no less tight around Remus.

“I’m not going anywhere, you know,” Remus said quietly, and then had the horrible thought that—that maybe Sirius didn’t know that. The notion made Remus’ heart clench and he slid out of Sirius gently, sensitive now. Sirius was quiet, eyes watching Remus quietly as he tied off the condom and stretched to throw it out it the waste bin in the corner of Sirius’ room.

He came right back into Sirius’ arms, forearms folded across Sirius’ chest, and studied him.

“Has your English returned?”

Sirius smiled lazily and ran his hands through the hair at Remus’ temples. Instead of answering, he said, “How could I have thought I could go without this?”

Remus rested his chin on his hands, relishing in Sirius’ palms pressing on his shoulders in something that was half massage and half caress.

“You’re telling me,” Remus said.

“You’re beautiful,” Sirius replied, thumb passing over Remus’ bottom lip for a moment.

Remus felt his heart flip. “So are you,” he whispered.

Sirius smiled, but shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I am. You’re beautiful.”

“It does,” Remus protested and pushed himself up the rest of the way to meet Sirius in a kiss.

Sirius laughed. “Re. I…” He took a breath. “I feel…” he trailed off.

Remus nodded. “Me too.”

~

Remus was bleary-eyed and tired by the time his cab reached the airport the next week. he was just glad he didn’t have to wear a suit like the players for away games. He was perfectly comfortable in his jeans and sweater. It was Sunday and they were due in Montreal the next day for a game at seven. He and Sirius had agreed it would look to suspicious to arrive together, so Sirius, much to Remus’ protests, had ordered both himself a car service, and Remus. It was better than a cab, at least. The driver had offered him water, for god’s sake.

“Loops!”

Remus smiled and waved at James and the rest of the team and coaching staff waiting at their gate. There were definitely some fans trying to work up the nerve to approach their favorite player, but they were usually left alone. He took an empty seat across from James and asked him how Lily was, aware of Sirius’ eyes on him the entire time.

“Six months along now. Due in the beginning of March. Jesus. Maybe we could be close to the playoffs by then, you know?”

Remus smiled. “A Cup and a baby.”

“Shh!” James, and everyone else in sight did whatever they needed to do to ward off the jinx.

“She still thinks it’s a boy, I was texting her a few days ago,” Remus fiddled with his suitcase handle. “You?”

“Boy, for sure,” James grinned. “Can’t wait to buy him his first pair of skates.”

Remus smiled at the image. “That’ll be adorable. And just think, next year, around this time, you’ll be able to bring him to Christmas family skate.”

“Exactly!” James’ face turned wistful and giddy. Then, after a pointed look at Remus, he turned to Sirius. “You finally bringing anyone this year, Cap?”

Sirius looked up from where he had quickly glanced down at his phone. “The answer is still no.”

Pascal leaned in from the seat beside Remus and threw a small pretzel at James. “Come on, Potty, you know the Captain does not date.”

Sirius laughed, but only shrugged off James’ questioning look.

“Yeah,” James scoffed. “He only has every girl ever throwing themselves at him.”

“Jealous?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“No,” James didn’t stick his tongue out, but it was a near thing. “I just…you know. I don’t get it.”

“I’ll date someone when there’s time. Besides,” Sirius shrugged. “I’m kind of hard to live with. I know that.”

Pascal whistled. “Yeah, I know, too.”

Remus didn’t think that was true.

“A girl wouldn’t mind if Captain Sirius Black—”

“But I don’t want to be Captain Sirius Black to her, do I?” Sirius cut James off.

There was a hanging silence for a moment, and then James nodded. “Yeah. No, yeah. Sorry, Pads.”

Sirius punched him in the shoulder—a little hard, maybe. “It’s fine.”

The boys took their usual spots on the plane. Sirius and James sat together, Finn and Kasey, and Leo and Logan. The moved around a little, depending on who was taking part in the card game that ran continuously in the back—Coach always said not to bet real money, but he got in on it sometimes. Remus was sitting alone this time with a good book, near the card-game seats. It made for amusing entertainment for any flight.

“Hey, that’s a bitch-ass move, Lo,” Finn held his cards against his chest and glared at Logan. “Don’t look at my cards.”

“I wasn’t,” Logan held his own cards just as close to himself. “I was trying to see if the drink cart was coming around again.”

“So look down the aisle not down my shirt.”

“I wasn’t, Harz, merde. Je n’ai pas triché.”

Finn sighed. “For the one millionth time, don’t speak French. I do not speak French.”

“He said you’re a sore loser,” Leo said with a sly grin.

“I didn’t!” Logan nudged Leo and said something in French to him, which Leo responded to likewise. “I said I wasn’t cheating.”

Finn glanced between the two of them a few times. “Stop speaking French, I can’t understand you!”

“Relax,” Sergei cut in, pinching his nose. “I hear enough bickering from my three kids. I do not need it from you. Zakroy rot.”

“What?” Logan and Finn said at the same time.

“He say fuck your mothers!” Evgeni chimed from a little ways down the aisle.

“I said shut your mouths,” Sergei shook his head. “My God. Can we please play the game?”

“Have a lot riding on the line, Sergei?” Logan leaned forward and flipped his hat backwards. “Let’s do this, mon cher.”

From his seat, Remus could see where Sirius was sitting—and aisle seat, as always. James was asleep in the window beside him with an eye mask. Remus pulled out his phone and connected to the plane wifi, slouching agains his own window to hide it from view.

Rowdy back here.

He hit send and watched as Sirius took out his own phone. He turned his head just a little, but it was enough so that Remus could see his smile.

I can hear. 

Remus bit his lip then, glancing through the gaps in the seats just in case, he typed out, I wonder if anyone would notice if I snuck you into the bathroom and got you off right there.

Remus watched Sirius’ body jolt and he glanced back again, just barely, then glanced at James’ sleeping form.

Yeah? Tell me.

Remus smiled. He had the strange feeling of wanting to cherish that text. It was so very like Sirius. Short, simple. Remus could hear it in his voice.

Suck you again. Only I’d finish the job this time.

The three dots appeared a few times, then disappeared. Then, finally:

This might have been a bad idea.

Remus glanced at Sirius’ row. J awake?

Another few seconds past and then a picture slid in. Remus sucked in a breath. It was subtly taken, easily done with just a downward angle. It was of Sirius’ spread thighs, large and crammed into the seat and clad in his tight, tailored suit pants. And there on the crotch, barely noticeable to anyone who wasn’t looking was the beginning of an outline of Sirius’ dick.

The sight had Remus twitching in his sweatpants.

I see, he typed out.

We’ll break, Sirius’ next text come in. Can’t explain this. Then, Miss you.

Remus sent back a smiley face. Miss you.

~

Remus let out a breath when he reached the rink the next morning at four AM, Moody clambering out of the car service after him. Dinner alone in his room, knowing that Sirius had to go out to dinner with the boys, had been hard. There were moments where he felt like one of them, and moments that forced him to remember that he wasn’t. Team dinners didn’t include him, not officially anyway, and that was fine. The hotel steak hadn’t been all that bad, and he knew he had to be up early anyway.

Sirius had texted him a gentle good night that he had received when he woke up. Remus had replied with a string of smiley faces and an order to text him when he woke up. It would be at least another three hours, and he had work to do. There were sticks to unload and an entire locker room to set up. The Lions staff liked everything to feel as close to home as possible.

Remus was charged with setting up the stalls and, upon coming to Sirius’, he held the jersey in his hands for a few moments, smiling slightly. He hung it carefully on its hanger, number facing out. And then placed his sweat-stained, lucky hat beside his helmet and gloves. He put the skates on the hooks, making sure they were untied so that Sirius could lace-up the left one, first, as usual. Remus liked following all of the special instructions for individual players. Some of the team members complained about it sometimes, but Remus thought it showed how much the boys wanted to win. So much so that they were willing to drive themselves crazy with little rituals and needs. Right now, Leo was the only one with almost no superstitions, but Remus knew that would change the longer he was on the team. Sometimes Remus even found himself consciously putting on his own left shoe first.

It was obvious when the boys arrived. The distant voices of Logan and Finn bickering loudly came in from the hallway, and in another minute the Canadiens visitor’s locker room doors were being pushed open and most of the team was filtering in. They were in various disarray of their away-game suits. Many ties had already been pulled off in the hallway and jackets had been thrown over arms as they got past the cameras. Remus could see Marlene and Frank doubling as the team’s social media crew, snapping pictures of Sirius and James walking together that would no doubt later be captioned with some version of best friends.

“Listen up,” Logan clapped his hands a few times. “Okay, my parents are coming tonight. So, best behavior, d’accord?” Logan glared around at them all. “So, win? Let’s win, oui?”

“What do you mean your parents are coming?” Sirius said, wrapping an arm around Logan’s shoulders. “Dumo is always here.”

Logan elbowed him in the ribs. “Best behavior.”

“Meaning,” Pascal cleared his throat and put on a high voice. “Bonsoir Madame Tremblay, your son is the best player on this team.”

Sirius laughed. “I don’t know how we survive without him, ma cher.”

“Fuck all of you,” Logan grumbled.

Sirius let him go in favor of walking over to his own stall. His eyes found Remus’ and he stopped in front of him—just a little closer than usual.

“Cap,” Remus said. “What can I do for you?”

“Got something bothering me a little bit,” Sirius said. “I thought you could take a look real quick?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. It sounded good. It also sounded risky. “You sure? I don’t want to throw off your routine.”

Sirius smiled and nodded. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t…need it.”

Something hot began to stir in Remus’ chest. He licked his lips and nodded. “Alright, we’ll go to the PT room.”

Sirius trailed Remus out of the room. There were a few reporters lingering in the hall who tried to ask Sirius questions. Sirius politely refused, saying he was preparing for the game right now, and Remus was glad to shut the heavy, wooden door against them.

He was glad to be pushed up against it.

“This,” Remus began to say, only to be cut off by a slow, toe-curling kiss from Sirius. Remus wound his fingers in Sirius’ hair and kissed back for a moment before pulling back. “This is not what I’d call being careful.”

Sirius moved to kiss along Remus’ jaw. “I got off to thinking about you last night.”

That—that hit Remus a little harder.

“Sirius,” Remus breathed. He held him a little tighter, eyes falling closed as Sirius kissed his neck.

“Missed you. I wished you were there when I was out with the guys. Then, I came back to my room all alone. I knew you were asleep, but I came this close to knocking on your door. I could hear some of the guys talking in the hallway, though.” Sirius took Remus’ hand and pressed it to his cock. Remus was startled to find that it was half-hard. “I’ve been like this since the plane.”

Remus felt himself filling in his pants. “You want my mouth that bad, huh?”

Sirius shuttered a little as Remus pressed his palm flat against him. He nodded.

“Fuck, Pads,” Remus breathed. “What if…”

“I know we shouldn’t.”

Remus laughed. “Can’t exactly hide that thing if you’re about to take your clothes off.” The thought actually made Remus a little hot, thinking about Sirius having to strip into his gear with a half-hard cock for anyone to see. He’d probably get chirped out of his mind. “Fuck, just—come here. Five minutes.”

He pushed Sirius back against the door, and turned the lock as he sunk to his knees. He looked up at Sirius with a grin. “You better come quick for me, baby.”

Sirius cursed, running a hand through his hair as Remus smoothed a hand over the dark material of his suit-pants, tight against Sirius cock.

“I love your game day suit, you know that?”

“Yeah?” Sirius said.

Remus nodded, unbuckling Sirius’ belt and glancing up at him. “Like you better in your sweatshirts and hat though.”

Sirius laughed, but was quickly cut off as Remus pulled down the zipper of his pants and leaned forward to nose against the hard line of his dick. “Fuck, Loops.”

Remus slipped Sirius out of the gap in his boxers and Sirius sighed in relief. His hand fell to cup the back of Remus’ head as Remus sucked Sirius down as far as he could. There was still enough of the base for him to wrap his fist around.

Sirius immediately switched into French, palm a gentle pressure. Remus heard his head thunk back against the wall.

“Mon dieu,” Sirius breathed.

Remus pulled off just enough, lips still brushing the leaking head, and looked up at Sirius. “Shh.”

Sirius laughed and pressed a hand over his mouth. Remus smiled and licked a few times over the head, tasting the salty warmth there.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—” Sirius said into his palm, eyes focused on Remus.

Remus glanced at the clock behind them. Two minutes down. He looked once more up at Sirius, then took him down again.

“Are you hard?” Sirius whispered, hands moving back to cradle Remus’ head.

Remus hummed in acknowledgement and felt Sirius’ cock pulse in his mouth.

“Let me see,” Sirius’ thumb brushed gently over Remus’ temple. “Let me see.”

Remus kept a dragging pace as he reached down and pushed his pants down, letting his cock bob free, heavy between his thighs.

Sirius made a low noise and his fingers tightened in Remus hair. Remus spend up his pace, squeezing Sirius around the base and tonguing at the vein on the underside of his shaft. He sucked hard at the crown before pushing back down again, feeling his own cock getting harder by the minute until he had to reach down and stroke himself. He moaned when he did, hips jerking.

“Remus, Remus, I’m gonna—”

Remus moaned again, sucking hard. Only a few seconds later, he felt pulse after pulse of hot come against his tongue. Sirius’ hips stuttered forward a few times, pushing into the tight heat, and then he stilled as Remus let him slide out of his mouth slowly. He was softening and breathing hard. Remus ran his fingertips over him, pulling a soft ah from Sirius as some last come dripped. He felt high on everything—Sirius’ smell, the feeling of his fingers in his hair. He closed his eyes and rested his head against Sirius’ hip, one hand simply resting around himself.

“Let me,” Sirius said, and fell to his knees, too. He took Remus in his palm, huge and a little rough. Sirius reached his other hand down to massage Remus’ balls. Remus’ mouth dropped open and he gripped Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius brought his palm to rub against the head and Remus came almost instantly, only just managing to cup a hand out to catch it.

“Merci,” Sirius said with a gentle kiss to Remus’ temple as he leaned against Sirius’ shoulder. “So hot, Remus.”

Remus just smiled and kissed him, catching his breath. Sirius gently tucked him back into his boxers for him and Remus watched, a little dazed. It was…sweet.

“Come on, we need to get cleaned up.” Remus reached forward to do the same for him, only Sirius twitched a little at Remus’ touch and Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

Sirius shrugged. “I can’t help how much I want you.”

Remus had to focus real hard not to let that derail them again.

They talked about the game as they cleaned up. That might have been Remus’ favorite part. It wasn’t all sex. It was good sex—incredible sex—but then there was this part. Talking to Sirius like they were just friends, arguing over whether Carey Price could take Kasey in a fight or not.

“Why is it your dream to see a goalie fight?” Remus laughed as he threw out his wet paper towel.

“Can you imagine, in their huge gear. It would be hilarious,” Sirius grinned and gathered Remus close to him. “Okay, one more kiss before we go. For good luck."

Remus pressed up on his toes and kissed Sirius slowly, as if they had all the time in the world. “What happens if you win? Do I become a part of your routine?” He brushed a last kiss over Sirius’ lips. “Does this?”

Sirius smiled. “I hope so.”

Remus did, too.

The stadium was a confusing mass of two slightly different colors of red. The boys were in their black away game jerseys, the red numbers and lettering looking daunting and sleek on the ice. Remus couldn’t get enough of Sirius in his away jersey. The way the black material and his dark hair framed his skin and made his eyes look icy. Remus was glad he didn’t have to stand across the face-off circle from him.

Leo was in goal, busy marking his crease up with his skate blades while Logan lobbed a few pucks over the glass to some Lions fans. Coach was leaning over the bench to talk to James with a white board diagram in his hand. Remus breathed in the smell of the ice. It was a normal, thrilling game.

And he had just sucked Sirius Black off in the Habs’ PT room.

A normal game.

Sirius, to his credit, looked bright and ready. He was handling pucks at top speed, warming up his hands. Remus had a good feeling.

The boys came back to the bench for the National Anthem, and Sirius ended up right in front of him, behind Finn and Logan. Logan had his head down against his stick, hair falling into his face and his fist clenched around his fleur-de-lis necklace—for luck. Finn had his hand on Logan’s shoulder, the other holding his helmet, head down. Remus had asked them about that once. It had started when they were at Harvard together and just stuck once they both got drafted to the Lions one year apart. They had said they didn’t know why they had started doing it—either that, or they wouldn’t tell him. Remus wondered what they would do if they ever got traded apart. Remus winced at the thought. That was a reality that he didn’t like to think about.

Sirius was behind them, head tilted away from the cameras on the ice and eyes closed. He knew some of the boys were religious, but he didn’t actually know if Sirius was. He didn’t wear a religious necklace like some of the guys did, a cross or a star of David. He didn’t actually wear anything. Remus wondered if he would want to.

Remus didn’t look for too long, just in case a camera caught it, but bowed his head, too, excited for the game and mind still light with Sirius’ touch.

The game was dirty. The first period was pretty uneventful, no goals and one high-stick called on the Habs, but after the first intermission, it was like something snapped. Shea Weber scored on Leo, but made the mistake of giving his skate a little tap with his stick. He said something between his teeth and Leo gave him a little shove back. Logan was on Shea in a second—less than that. Logan threw his stick down, and jumped on Weber from behind—a slightly comical feat given Weber’s good seven inches on him. But Remus liked watching people underestimate Logan in flights because of his height. Weber turned, and Logan threw his first punch, gloves dropping to the ice. It was a nasty right hook. Sirius stood from the bench, tapping his stick against the boards.

“Yeah, Tremz!”

Remus watched as Max Domi tried to get in on the fight from behind, but then Finn was there. He grabbed a fistful of the back of his jersey and yanked him back, getting an elbow in the jaw for it.

The refs were there then, hoping to pull everyone apart before it escalated further. They blew the whistle, and Sirius was already shouting from the bench.

“It’s on them! They antagonized.”

Ref number four gave Sirius an unimpressed look. “Not in the mood tonight, number twelve.”

The four fighters skated off to their respective penalty boxes to the roars of the crowd, excited by finally seeing some action. Logan and Finn sat shoulder to shoulder on the penalty bench, still yelling at the other two. Leo skated a few circles around his goal, as if collecting himself again. He looked tall and looming in his gear, his bright blue eyes piercing out from his Lion’s-mouth mask.

Pascal climbed back over the boards with a laugh, scooting in beside Sirius. “Well, there goes my line to the box, eh?”

“That’s what you get for taking Harzy from me,” Sirius laughed, but then he nudged Brady, sitting beside him. “Glad to have you though, Smitty.”

Coach reached forward and patted his shoulder. “Maybe give the cubs some of your wiser years, eh, Dumo?”

Pascal picked up a water bottle, raising it like a toast. “I try, I try.”

The fight seemed to get both teams fired up. There was a flurry of goals from both sides and they were tied 2-2 until half-way through the third period. Remus could tell Sirius was frustrated by the hunch of his shoulders and how far he was leaning towards the boards, like he was desperate to fix everything himself.

Coach tapped Sirius’ shoulder. “Number 12, your line!”

Remus held his breath as Sirius jumped the boards. His feet hit the ice in a hard glide, a fast smear of black on the gleaming rink. James was right behind him, arcing out to the left and shoving his guard away. Sirius only had eyes for the puck. He pinned Gallagher against a corner hard, drawing shouts from the crowd, and stole the puck from right between his legs, pushing hard to skate backwards and away. he passed it to James once to get around a defenseman, and then James snapped it back. He turned and began racing from the Lions zone to the Habs’, straight down middle ice.

Remus loved, loved when he did this. He had never seen anyone who could take a puck this far, this consistently, as Sirius could.

Remus tried to figure out how. Maybe it was his eyes. He looked one direction for long enough that his opponent turned that way, and the Sirius turned the other. Sirius was in the center zone now, dancing around Domi for a minute before James hit him, clearing the path for Sirius. Sirius pushed harder, weight on the front of his blades for a moment to dig into the ice, to go faster. He spun around a red uniform, a perfect 360, and lifted his blade with the puck on it in a hard, gorgeous back-hand.

It flew into the net soundlessly, past Price’s blocker, and the goal horn blared. Sirius had broken the tie with three minutes left in the third.

The bench exploded.

“Baby,” Remus breathed, but it was lost in the sound.

The bus was a mess of celebration and laughter as they boarded it that night, ready for Ottawa. It was a short drive, a little under two hours, and the boys would probably use the time to wind-down together before crashing. Most of them were turned in their seats to talk. Sirius was laughing. He had received the Lion-hat token. Remus was so proud of him he could barely breathe. They weren’t even too far into the season and he had already come so far from the beginning.

“Mes amies,” Pascal knelt on his seat with his phone raised. “My wife would like to remind you all that this year’s Christmas party is at our house, and she also says,” he looked down at his phone, holding it away from him a little and squinting.

“You need reading glasses, Dumo,” James laughed. “Please admit it.”

“Non, non,” Pascal clicked his tongue. “She says if you do not come, she will kill you.”

“I wouldn’t mind being murdered if it’s Celeste Dumais who does it,” Timmy said from his seat.

Pascal raised an eyebrow and looked at Olli, who was sitting beside him. “Halla, you better hit him for me.”

Olli smiled shyly and gave Timmy the softest of taps.

Timmy flipped Pascal off. “You’re never going to get my d-partner to hit me!”

“How’d mommy like your fight, Tremz?” Sirius called from the seat in front of Remus and Moody. Remus had been quietly watching the sliver of his profile that he could see through the seat, only feeling a little creepy about it.

Logan leaned over his own seat and pointed with narrow eyes. “She is very proud, thanks for asking.” He had a bruise on his cheek that looked like it would hurt in the morning.

Finn joined him from the row in front where he was sitting with Kasey. He had a similar bruise on his jaw, greenish and dark against his paler skin. “She ripped him a new one. I was there.”

The banter went on until some of the boys put their headphones on after an hour. Moody was snoring gently next to him and Remus put his earbuds in, too.

His phone lit up after a few minutes with a text.

So we won.

Remus almost laughed out loud. He glanced up between the seats to see Sirius’ face illuminated by his phone. He was smirking, just a little.

You won’t see me complaining.

Remus watched Sirius grin. He turned his head and looked through the seat back at him, eyes silver in the now dark bus.

Room #?

Remus bit his lip. 261.

Want to watch a movie together?

Remus’ heart swelled. Yeah :)

Sirius’ only reply was a little pink heart emoji, followed by the hockey stick one.

Remus clicked his phone off and took a breath. He didn’t think they could get to the hotel fast enough.

[naireides]

you drew stars around my scars

katara learns the story behind zuko's scar; coaxed into writing this by @hooksandheroics​ aka my zutara screaming partner

zutara week day 6: affirm rated G | wc: 2.2k read on ao3 here

affirm  /əˈfəːm/ offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement.

-

As with most things, it starts with Sokka.

“I got this one when I was a four and slipped on the ice, and I got this one when Katara was practicing with her water knives, and, oh! This one is from when we escaped from Ba Sing Se. It kinda looks like a koalaotter if you squint,” he says eagerly as he rolls up the hem of his pants to show off the slightly raised patch of skin on his shin.

“It does not look like a koalaotter,” Katara says with a roll of her eyes. “It’s just a scar .”

“That’s because you don’t have an artist’s eye,” he sniffs in disdain. “Aang, you see a koalaotter, right?”

He hesitates, looking between the siblings “Uh, well,” he fumbles, leaning to get a closer look of Sokka’s leg, “I guess if I squint --”

“Don’t mind them, Sokka, I think it looks like a koalaotter,” says Toph, where she leaned back against Appa’s side, flicking pebbles in the air.

He grins triumphantly. “See! I told you-- hey .” He glares at her as she starts to laugh.”I’ve got to stop falling for that.”

“You make it too easy,” she giggles before turning over onto her stomach. “I don’t have any cool scars.”

“How would you even know?”

“I just do, Twinkletoes,” she says, blowing a raspberry his way.

Aang looks sour for a second before he brightens and yanks his pants up over his knee. “One time in Omashu I was Bumi and I got this,” he says excitedly gesturing to the hypertrophic scar that graced his knee. “It looks like a map of the Fire Nation!”

Sokka leans in closer, trying to get a better look at it in the flickering light of the campfire. He strokes his chin and says, “Yeah, it actually kinda does.”

“Let me guess,” Katara says flatly, “You and Bumi had a slide accident, didn’t you?”

Aang’s responding sheepish laughter and the faint colour that rises to his cheeks tell her everything that she needs to know.

“What about you, Katara?” he asks, directing the attention to her instead of himself, “Do you have any cool scars?”

She shrugs. “No, not really.”

He pouts. “C’mon. Not even a little one?”

“Yeah Katara, not even a little one,” taunts Sokka, “You know, like when Gran-Gran taught you how to sew and you accidentally stitched your glove to your thigh.”

“Sokka!” she snaps, cheeks ablaze, while the others roar with laughter. “At least I know how to sew. You still ask Gran-Gran to darn your socks!”

It’s his turn to flush now, embarrassment creeping over him. “Zuko!” he calls out, eyes falling on the other boy who’s been surprisingly quiet this whole time. He’s sitting in the shadows, just out of their little fireside circle. “You’re up. Story time.”

His good eye widens as they all look towards him, waiting. “Uh,” he stutters for a moment before pulling the neckline of his shirt. “I have one on my shoulder that kind of looks like a fire lily?” He twists, giving them a glimpse of it for just a second before fixing his shirt to rights. “Azula pushed me into the turtle duck pond when I was ten.”

“Your sister is a psychopath,” Sokka says unimpressed.

“She’s not a psychopath,” he says, still awkward as he rubs the back of his neck, “Just… misunderstood.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m going to take a walk,” he says, abruptly standing up and stalking off into the night before anyone else can get a word in.

They all watch him leave but Katara’s eyes linger the longest, even as Toph changes the topic by saying, “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? I’ll go first! It was sand!”

They continue on with their usual fireside banter until they start yawning more than talking and then, one by one, they tuck in for the night, curling up in their sleeping bags as the fire dwindles to just embers.

Katara waits until Sokka’s sleepy mumbling trail off into snores before she unfurls herself and heads down the rocky pathway to the shore that Zuko had taken earlier.

She finds him there, standing on the still warm sand and staring out at the ocean, nothing but the faint glow of the moon to illuminate his profile. The moon tugs at something in her veins, calling her towards the water, but she ignores it in favour of padding across to where he stood in complete silence.

He doesn’t say anything as she comes to stand next to him, shoulder to shoulder. The heat radiating off of him is a nice contrast to the cool night’s air that swirls around them, laden heavy with salt and sea.

They stand there together, watch the waves lap against the shore, just far enough inland that the water barely brushes against their toes.

“Everyone’s gone to bed,” she says after a couple moments have passed.

When he doesn’t say anything in return, she shifts closer, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Hey. You should get some rest too.”

“I’m fine.”

She sighs inwardly before moving to step in front of his gaze and his head jerks back. “Look, Sokka didn’t mean anything by asking about-- he just lacks tact.”

There’s a faint quirk of his lips at the corners. “I think at this point Momo has more tact than your brother.”

“And you’d be right,” she murmurs in agreement. It’s then she realises how close they’re standing, the way she can make out every line and edge of his face in the watery moonlight. She hasn’t stood this close to him since their brief time in the crystal catacombs together.

The memory of their time together sparks something within her and Katara can’t help but let her eyes drift to his scar, the reddened, raised edges that cover his face from eyebrow to cheekbone.

She expects him to turn his head as he does whenever he catches anyone looking at the scar, but to her surprise, all he does is swallow thickly.

“I should have let you use the magic water when I had the chance huh.”

“Spirit water,” she corrects him, automatic, “To be honest, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t. I ended up using it to save Aang after Azula shot him with lightning.” She fixes him with a look. “She really is a psychopath.”

Zuko shrugs half-heartedly. “She’s still my sister.”

Katara worries her lip, hesitating for a moment before she brings her hand to rest on his cheek, feeling the bumpy, irregular surface of his skin beneath it. He winces at the contact but he still makes no move to turn away from her.

“I don’t know-- you never told me how you got this,” she says softly, her thumb rubbing at the edge where smooth skin gives way to scar tissue.

He seems shocked at that. “You mean you don’t know?” At the shake of her head, his mouth presses into a thin line. “It’s not exactly a great bedtime story.”

“I didn’t expect it to be,” she says, and then adds, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine.” He flashes her a wry grin but there’s no humour behind it, just a long lasting sadness. “It was a spectacle in the Fire Nation. The Fire Lord duelling the crown prince in an agni kai.”

Katara stumbles back as the weight of his words hit her like a freight train. The hand she had on his cheek drops, coming to cover her mouth which had fallen open in shock.

“An agni kai? Your father did this to you?” she asks, her voice just barely above a whisper as she tries to even begin to comprehend just what Zuko might have gone through. Suddenly, his actions in the early days start to make sense.

“My uncle invited me to a war meeting. It was my first time there and they were discussing an invasion plan for the Earth Kingdom. A general proposed sacrificing an entire legion of new recruits-- children, barely sixteen-- and everyone just went along with it. They didn’t see anything wrong with that,” he explains, weariness dripping from every word and settling deep in her bones. “I spoke up. Said it was wrong to lead them to their deaths like that. But by speaking against the general, I spoke against my father and he didn’t appreciate that.”

“And he challenged you to an agni kai,” she finishes, horrified.

Zuko clenches his jaw and nods once before ducking his head. “I didn’t want to fight him. I begged him for forgiveness but my father saw it as a sign of weakness. So he burnt me and then banished me from the kingdom. The only way for me to return home was if I redeemed myself, redeemed my honour , by capturing the avatar,” he says, eyes flicking up to look at her from beneath his lashes.

It’s quiet for a long time, his words hanging heavy in the air. Katara feels hot and cold at the same time, the sickening chill of everything that Zuko had to go through leaking down her spin to mix with the bright, all consuming rage in her stomach. She doesn’t think she’s felt this much anger since she came face to face with Yon Rha.

Katara doesn’t realise that she’s shaking until he puts his hands on her shoulders, steadying her and the turbulent water she accidentally agitated in all of her emotion. The hems of their clothes are wet.

“Hey,” he murmurs, soft, stepping closer, into her space, “It’s okay.”

“It’s okay ?” She chokes out a laugh that sounds like fractured glass. “It’s certainly not okay.”

“I’ve made my peace with it,” he says, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into her biceps, “I thought that when he gave me the scar he took away my honour and that I had to find the avatar to regain it. But I don’t believe that anymore. I’m the only one who can get it back and by helping Aang restore order in the world… well, I like to think it’s a step in the right direction.”

She wants to laugh at how easy he says it, at how he truly believes that there’s still more making up that he needs to do before he can consider himself worthy again.

It’s that expression on his face-- half hope, half determination-- that melts the fight right out of her.

“Zuko,” she starts tenderly. Her hand finds its way back up to his cheek, brushing along the sharp line of his cheekbone, brushing over his scar. “You are the most honourable person I know of.”

She’s close enough that she can see the way his eyes widen at her declaration and the way his white-gold skin colours with a dull flush. His cheek is warm under her palm.

“All of this-- I hate that it happened to you, but you’re a good man. An honourable man. And I’m so glad to have you with us,” she tells him.

Out of everything, this is what gets him to look away, the praise she showers upon him, and Katara can’t help but grin.

She leans forward, closing the narrow strip of space between them, and brushes her lips against his cheek, soft, quick, perhaps too quick for both of them though they would never say it.

His smile is fond when she pulls back, the blush still swirling in his cheeks matching the new one that rises to hers when she meets his eyes. There’s a new warmth blazing in them as he looks down at her, and Katara feels herself colour further.

“Thank you, Katara,” he tells her, affection clinging to the simple words. He squeezes her arms once more before letting his hands drop to his sides. It leaves her strangely cold and she watches as he flexes his fingers, not looking at her again.

Tentatively, she reaches over, taking hold of his hand. It’s much larger than hers, pale with long delicate fingers, and surprisingly calloused for someone who’s a bender, and royalty on top of that. She supposes that it comes from years of training with his dao swords.

His eyes are questioning when she looks back up at him, and she offers a small smile in return.

“Come on,” she says, tangling her fingers in his as she leads him away from the shoreline. “Let’s get some rest.”

The weight of unsaid things linger between them as they slowly pick their way back up to the campsite, a quiet, sweet thing that blooms in the still air of the night. Neither of them say a word as they climb into their sleeping bags, but they lie next to each other, eyes roving across faces and drinking in the tiniest of details that are visible in the light of the dying embers.

Zuko drifts to sleep first and she finds herself looking at his scar again as sleep starts to consume her too. A reminder of his painful past, but hopefully a guiding light to shape his future.

As Katara finally succumbs to sleep, her last thought is that she hopes she’s part of that future with him too.

[shigarakis-fifth-hand]

Yandere! Shigaraki x Reader; All An Illusion

tw: kidnapping, messed up relationship, parental abuse, eating disorder, knifes, gayness, depression, stalking

❤️ Enjoy the series! one two

I know heroes are supposed to hate villains with a passion and don't get me wrong, I do. But, my alarm clock comes close in second. I slap that sucker with my fist, sending it to the ground and unplugging it. " I hate Mondays," I tell myself, dragging myself out of bed and putting on my white fuzzy socks. As I walk to the bathroom, I take my icy blue, almost white hair out of the ponytail that is half undone. 

Looking into the mirror, I almost am scared of myself. I look like a zombie. I put on some music and wash my face before going to the closet. My dorm room isn't huge, but it's nice. Especially since my roommate is one of the gayest, most fanboyish guy in the world. "Deku! Did you take my concealer again?" I shake the broccoli headed boy, waking him up.

"Wha- oh, ya. Sorry Y/n, it helps cover up all the bruises from training. I don't like anyone worrying about me, and with all the news reporters, I'm scared my mom will see." I think of Deku's mom. 

So nice, so sweet, and such a good cook. 

"Yea, you're lucky about that one." I sadly smile, taking it from his bedside table. "Just let me buy you your own, or get your boyfriend to buy you one. What if you wake up someday and you're tan?" I tease as he throws a pillow in my direction. "Todoroki isn't just my boyfriend Y/n, he's my soulmate. Don't be jelly." he jokes. "At least my eyes didn't look like Christmas colors until this year." We both giggle hysterically.

In our world, everyone is born with two different colored eyes. Our left color is the one of our soulmate, and the right one is our own color. Once we make eye contact with our soulmates, they return back to their original color. My eyes are red on the left, and then purple.

 I go to the opposite wall and open the windows, letting the sunrise fill our view. Even though Deku covers his face with a pillow, I can't help but watch the birds in the distance. They're free to go wherever, be with whoever. They're not stuck in a certain place, they fly everywhere and anywhere they want to.

I do some makeup and curl my hair a little bit before slipping into my uniform. "Y/n, you've been getting skinnier. Are you okay?" Deku asks, waiting for me by the door. He's already in the UA uniform and is currently eating one of the donuts his mom brought for us yesterday. "Oh ya, I've just been training so much it's hard to find time to eat. But I'm fine. See?" 

I grab a donut and take a bite, chewing it slowly and giving him a fake smile. He smiles back, relieved as I slip on my shoes and take a final look in the mirror, trying not to throw up. My eyes are purple, but today they're looking extra vibrant. Maybe it's the sunlight filling the room, or the fact that I cried myself to sleep last night. Either way, they look different. Deku and I walk down the hall as I try to find a way to get the bite of donut out of my mouth without him seeing.

I haven't eaten anything for over 48 hours, and I can't have the first thing be full of calories and sugar. Finally, we get to the classroom. When Deku walks in, I immediately spit it out and stuff the donut into the nearby trash can where nobody can see. I feel bad about wasting food, but I would feel worse if anybody knew about me not eating. I sit down in Bakugo's seat so I can talk to Deku, eventually talking to Todoroki and Mina. 

Finally, Mr. Aizawa comes into class, followed by someone I don't know, and we all sit down. "Today we are going on a trip to the USJ for some training. Go change, and come straight back." I quickly go up as Mina and Asui join by my side to walk to the girls changing area. I hate this part with a dying passion, letting everyone see my scars, bruises, and ribs. It always starts a conversation that I don't like, making people worry about me. 

"So Y/n, I've been thinking. You haven't told me about a single crush that you've had since we got here. What's up with that?" Mina looks at me with curiosity. "I just don't see the point in dating someone who's not your soulmate. It seems like a waste of time." Mina laughs at my response, taking off her uniform and changing. 

"I've noticed that too, actually. I-" Uruaka stops talking as I take off my shirt. Everyone's eyes bug out, looking at the colorful display on my body. A large gash is in the middle of my shoulder, and another as my hip. There's a new scar near my collar bone and a large bruise on my upper stomach. " Y/n... What happened?"

Ururaka steps closer to examine me, before reaching out to touch the large scar on my arm. "Uh, Sensei has been training me extra hard lately. It's fine." I quickly put on my uniform outfit and fix my hair as Mina tries to start up the other conversation. "Anyways, do you really not like anyone else? What about Kirishima, or Sero? Personally I thought you'd be cute with Asui, or Momo. But Momo already is soulmates with Jirou, and Ururaka is soulmates with Asui." 

I laugh, thinking about how all my friends have been able to find their soulmate in our class, except me. It's kind of sad honestly. Is it impossible for me to develop feelings for people? Am I that hopeless? Maybe my soulmate is gone, or has found someone else. Maybe I’ll never find them.

Ururaka chimes in, but I blank her out mostly. "Maybe Tenya, but he gives me asexual vibes. I think you'd be cute with Shinso but..." I stopped listening as we walked to the courtyard of UA, where everyone else waited. "Fashionably late is not acceptable ladies. I expect you earlier next time." Aizawa told us as they stopped talking. "And ( y/n ), take your contacts off." 

I slid the contacts out and into my contact case. We all loaded up on the bus as Lida gave all the boys a hard time about the seating chart. I sat between Mina and Asui near the window, playing footsies with Momo for a little bit before I put my music in. Just loud enough to drown everyone out, I rested my eyes.

I guess it would be good to tell you about myself. Well, you already know I have icy blue hair that turned even lighter since I've been in the sun so much. My skin is darker than my friends, but I wouldn't call myself tan. I'm Y/n Kayama, the daughter of Kora and Magazaki Kayama. Kora Kayama, my mother, is currently in rehab for her addiction to her meds. The nurses at her facility tell me all the time that she says terrible things about me. It's not a surprise to me though, she always hated me. My dad wasn't any better though, as he drunk a lot and hurt me a lot before we got the dorms system.

 That's what all the bruises were from, not training, but my dad's fist. He was a gang member, who went to prison for trying to attacking a fellow gang member, and sent my mom to rehab because she was the only one in his way of having complete custody over us. He was obsessed with completely controlling us... well, I say us, but it’s just me now.

My sister killed herself last fall when I got into UA, she knew I'd be able to take care of myself and wouldn't need her to live. She felt her only reason for living was to keep me safe, and when we got dorms, she felt she was finally free. I remember watching her jump off the large red bridge downtown, the smile on her face. She hadn't smiled like that in a while. 

When my dad showed up to the school and demanded to see me, his breath smelling like alcohol and his tattoos showing, Aizawa knew something was up. Aizawa and my father had been acquaintances when they were kids, but my dad went down the wrong path. Aizawa knew about the drinking, smoking, gangs, and his violent attitude. Aizawa instantly looked over me and my sister from the moment my mom went to rehab, knowing that my dad wasn't a good parent. 

Aizawa and eventually Present Mic gave us rides and cared for us in general. I had only seen Aizawa cry two times, once when Mic almost died in a villain attack, and the day of my sister's funeral.

Oh right, my quirk. Silly me. My quirk is theft, which means that when I look someone in the eye, I inherit their quirk for 24 hours. The best part is that I can use multiple quirks at once.  The bad part is that when I accidentally look at someone, I end up using their quirk. I once looked at Ururaka and began floating. I also looked into Mina's eyes and turned pink. We looked like sisters though so it was cool. I do have a bad memory though, so I often forget my contacts. I didn't take the entrance exam since my quirk can't work against robots without me using someone else. 

Instead, Aizawa recommended me to take the special exam. Deku idolizes All Might, but I idolize Aizawa. Aizawa has known me since I was born. I think about what Mina said, and I can admit that I've never felt love like that. Maybe it's because I was never loved as a child, or never saw a loving marriage except for Aizawa and Mic, but I've never felt for someone in that way. 

Sure, I love my friends to death and would do anything to help them, including risk my own life, but it's different. I've never felt connected with someone, even if they've ask me out or something. Lida asked me out once in middle school, and Denki perused me multiple times before he found Sero, but I never was able to say yes. Mina and I made out at spin the bottle once, but it was more fun than romantic.

" Y/n, we are here. Please wake up." I woke up to Lida playfully poking my face as everyone else giggled. Immediately Lida's quirk registered in my brain. It was okay, I had used Lida's quirk before. "O-oh sorry, I must have fallen asleep." The class laughed as Lida smiled. "I recommend that you get more sleep immediately. Deku has told me about how you lay awake watching makeup tutorials, so maybe you can go to Recovery Girl and-" 

I cut him off by pushing my finger to his face. "I'm good, thanks." I walk past him to Mina and the girls who are waiting for me. Immediately I inherited Ururaka's quirk. It was hard to control, but I had an effect on my shoes that kept me stuck to the ground until I used her quirk. As we walk up to the USJ, I see it's a large dome with different areas of natural disasters. I hope I get the building on fire or the ocean. I can run on water with Lida's quirk, and float above the fire with Ururaka's quirk. 

"Hello 1-A students, I am Thirteen. I've looked at your files here for recommendations, and right now we will be working on rescuing people from natural disasters." Thirteen sets down files with our profiles. I can’t help but be curious about what’s in mine.

" Now, I want to send you all to the biomes that will challenge you, and challenge the way you go about rescuing others. Now if I can have Shoto Todoroki, Bakugo Katsuki, Izuku Midoriya, ( y/n ) Kayama, and then Denki Kaminari to go to the mountain land. You will be dealing with an avalanche, and then getting people to the bottom safely with no equipment. Go ahead, and wait for the buzzer before you start."

I linked arms with Midoryia, registering his quirk, as we walked towards the mountain, eventually joining up with Todoroki. As I made eye contact with Todoroki, I felt a cooling sensation on my left and a heating sensation on my right. "Nervous?" Todoroki asked, grabbing onto Deku's waist romantically. " A little, but at least broken bones aren't an issue anymore. I am worried about the-", "Ugh, you guys make me sick!" Bakugo yelled out from behind me. I try not to make eye contact with Bakugo. I don't like his quirk. It makes me sweat, and it’s way too sweaty.

"You're just upset that Kiri isn't here," I smirk as his face turns pink all over. "At least I have someone who likes me." he snickers before walking over to Denki. I watch him walk off, and realize he's right. I'm unlovable, or else my parents would have liked me. I might have someone by now if I wasn't so broken. Maybe I'll never find my soulmate, or they won't like me. I finally come to my senses and realize that the buzzer hasn't sounded yet. Is everything working right? 

I look around to see that everyone else is confused too. Even the volunteers I can see on top of the mountain are looking around. Suddenly, a large boom comes from the middle of the USJ. I begin to go up the mountain towards the volunteer when I hear screaming. I turn around and see Deku, looking down at the center. I gasp, watching a large purple portal open in the middle and many people walking out. 

"Is this part of it?" Denki asks as Deku shakes his head. I register Denki’s quirk. Now is not the time! "No! That's the League of Villains, I've seen them on the News! They're not good news!" Todoroki suddenly grabs me and Deku, building an ice tower high off the ground with us on top. "We need to stay safe up here, who knows what they want."

Before I can even gasp, I look out into the center to see the entire league running towards the mountain area. "Bakubro, what do we do!?" I looked behind myself to see Denki and Bakugo on one of the mountain ledges. "I don't know, but they want something." I can hear my teeth chattering, and I can't help but feel dizzy already. Luckily, Todoroki has me and Deku in his tight, protective grip. I never thought Todoroki liked me, since me and his boyfriend spent so much time together. 

The league is now under us though, and I can picture out two familiar faces out of the group. Toga Himiko, a villain with a quirk for blood cloning, and Twice, a guy who can make copies of himself. We can take them and a bunch of villains I've never heard of. We are about to attack when I hear something that makes my legs shake. "Y/n~Senpai! We've come for you!" Toga yells up, making direct eye contact with us.

Todoroki and Deku look at me, as I can feel Bakugo and Denki staring at me from behind. "I don't know what's happening," I whisper to them, and they nod. They trust me, and can probably read the fear in my eyes. "Come up here and fight us for her you reject!" Bakugo yells down as them as Toga giggles. 

"Orrrr... you can come down here!" She yells as one of the random villains touches the ice tower. Immediately the tower begins to turn into melting sludge as we begin to fall to them. Todoroki grabs Deku and me, jumping and creating an ice path for them to walk on. The only issue is that Todoroki grabs my hair instead, and I begin to fall towards the villains.

Luckily Denki's hand is there to grab me and pull me up. "Get behind me," Bakugo commands as sparks begin to fly out of his hands. "No, I can fight for myself. I don't need y-" Bakugou and Denki physically push me behind them. "No, they have a portal quirk with someone. They get their hands on you for a split second and you're gone." Denki explains as I sigh. Boys. 

"Now stay back," Bakugo growls, scaring me a little bit. I wonder how Kirishima deals with this all the time. Bakugo and Denki step towards the front of the ledge, making me step towards the back. I sigh, still shaking from fear and nervousness. Why are all these people here for me? What do they want? How do they know my name? What did I do to deserve this? Do they want to kill me?

Looking out into the center, I can see all of my classmates are fighting villains while Aizawa and Thirteen are trying to get to us. But they can't, with a weird creature that looks like a bird but has an exposed brain and is purple. It's kicking Aizawa's ass too, which is depressing. I back against the wall and shut my eyes tight, wishing they would let me protect myself. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my neck, and look to see Toga, right next to me, holding a knife to my neck. I register Toga's quirk accidentally. 

"Oh, boys. Some protectors you are." Bakugo and Denki look behind them to see us, their eyes wide in horror. "Y/n! Let her go Toga!" Deku yells, trying to get to me, but Todoroki holds him back in fear. Everyone looks scared out of their minds, which they probably are. I know I am freaking out, trying to think of some way to get out of here. Some hero I am! 

"Toga, don't hurt her," Denki whispers, trying to inch closer. "Not another step lightning-boy!" Toga threatens, pushing me closer to the edge of the mountain. I look way down, seeing how deep the side of the mountain goes. That's surely a deadly drop, and who would save me? Nobody. "You won't push her off, and I know it. Not after you all did all this work, just to kill a random student? Seems pretty useless.", Bakugo begins to take a step.

"Kacchan don't!" Deku yells, right before my life flashes before my eyes. Toga pushes me off the cliff, and I plummet to the ground. I look up to see Aizawa and a few other students watching me, their faces filled with sorrow, regret, and fear. I'm going to die right here. At the hands of an amateur villain attack. How pathetic. They know I'm going to die too. 

As I hit the ground, I fall into a purple void that consumes me. I hear yelling, screaming, even blood-curdling screeches as I enter a dark room. Immediately the portal closes behind me, and I'm left inside a dark basement. I try to look around, but the moment I move, a thick cloth covers my eyes, and a towel is stuffed into my mouth. 

I can feel picked up, and thrown into a room. I hear a door slam, and then laughing. I smell something weird, and before I realize it, a gas fills the room and puts me to sleep. I've been kidnapped by the League of Villains, and now I have no idea where I am.

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[aeon-wolf]

Two Idiots & A Closet - Julie Ertz x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k+ Pairing: Julie Ertz x fem!Reader

A generic “two idiots have feelings for each other and it takes their friends to “convince” them to actually woman up and admit it” fic. Ft. Alex, Kelley, and Allie as the friends. And an athletic closet.

You heard a knock at your hotel room door. You groaned, not wanting to get up from your spot on your bed, but the knock didn’t stop, in fact becoming more insistent the more you tried to ignore it. So you pulled yourself to your feet, pulling on a shirt that was lying on your bed and opened the door. The moment you cracked open the door, Kelley pushed her way into your room, Alex, and Allie on her heels. “Hello to you too.” You said, a little grumpily at being woken up from your nap. 

“This is an intervention!” Kelley demanded as you shut the door, Alex, and Allie also looking at you expectantly. You frowned, rubbing the remnants of sleep out of your eyes. 

“What are you talking about O’Hara?” 

“Your pining after JJ.” She said. That jolted you awake. 

“I don’t… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You replied, a bit nervously. You thought you had been hiding it so well. Your slightly larger than normal crush on the defensive midfielder. 

“Bullshit.” Alex chimed in, Kelley and Allie nodding in agreement. “We’ve put up with your heart eyes for long enough.” You just roll your eyes at your friends. 

“Yeah, we all saw the way you were making eyes at her after she scored against Chile,” Allie added. You blushed a little, not disputing that fact. You were so proud of Julie getting her first career World Cup goal that you had hung around the huddle hug a bit longer than everyone else. 

“I don’t have a thing for her. I was happy that my best friend scored her first World Cup goal!” You tried, but Kelley wasn’t having any of it. 

“Oh c’ mon. Almost the entire team knows you have the hots for her.” She insisted. “I think the only one who doesn’t know how you feel is JJ herself.” You cringed a bit.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do.” You relent. 

“Ask her out for fuck’s sake, (Y/N),” Alex said like it was the simplest thing in the world, but you shook your head fiercely in the negative.

“No way. She doesn’t even feel the same way. And even if she did, I’m not screwing up our friendship for that.” You said, a little dejectedly. “It’s just a little crush. I’ll get over it.” You defended, but all three of your fellow national team players just looked at you skeptically. “What?”  

Kelley just laughed. “Girl, you’ve had it bad ever since you met her. It’s been 3 years, if you’re not ‘over it’ by now, you’re sure as hell not going to be.” She said. You just blinked. 

You had actually met Julie for the first time at training camp when you had been called up at the age of 20. You had known of her for a while, given she had captained her own U20 team to a U20 World Cup win in 2012 and also from playing against the Chicago Red Stars. But you didn’t get the opportunity to actually talk to her until you were both at camp. Being the new center back called up, Julie seemed to take you under her wing, helping you improve in her old position. 

From there, you two became thick as thieves. Almost inseparable. And you developed your crush on your best friend. You thought you had been hiding it well, but considering Kelley, Alex and Allie all seemed to know about it, maybe you weren’t as sneaky as you thought. 

“If you don’t grow some, I’m going to go over and knock on her door right now and…” Alex threatened but you threw a pillow at her. 

“Don’t you dare, Morgan.” You grouched. “You’re not going to do a single thing.” She looked at you innocently. 

“What? I was just going to say I’ll go over there and tell her that we’ve got to be at training at 9 in the morning.” You just rolled your eyes. 

“She knows what time practice is.” You retorted. Alex shrugged. 

“Seriously (Y/N), what’s the issue? You’ve got a thing for her. Pretty sure she’s got a thing for you. And you’d make a great couple. I don’t really see the downside here.” Kelley said. You just huffed. 

“JJ is my best friend guys.” You said. Kelley feigned devastation but you just shoved her. “Feelings or not, I can’t lose that.” You continue. Alex sat up a bit straighter. 

“Jules wouldn’t end your friendship just because you have feelings for her, you know that right?” She said. You nod. 

“Of course I know that. But it will still make things awkward. I don’t want that.” 

“But if we’re right and she does have a thing for you, you two would make the perfect couple. You two already act like one except all the fun stuff.” Allie chimed in. You glared at her and she just raised her hands in surrender. You were about to reply but there was another knock at your door. You looked at the three women sitting on the other bed in the room which belonged to you roommate, Lindsey Horan, but they all just shrugged. You got up and padded over to the door. Opening it to find Julie on the other side. 

“Hey JJ.” You greet. You can hear Alex, Allie and Kelley all giggling and murmuring to themselves. 

“Hey (Y/N). Want to go grab dinner?” She asked. You looked down at your state of dress, which was just black sweatpants and the white t-shirt you had thrown on. You were sure you looked like a hot mess. She seemed to notice and just laughed. “You have time to get changed.” She assured you. You shrugged, nodding in acceptance of her invitation, opening the door for her. 

“Sure, want to come in while I change?” You asked. She nodded, stepping into your room. You wandered back to your stuff and teammates. “You three, out.” You said. Alex, Allie, and Kelley got up off Lindsey’s bed, shuffling out of the room. You went to see them out when Kelley grabbed your wrist. 

“This is your chance.” She whispered to you. You just flipped her off and shoved her out into the hallway. You went back to your luggage, looking for a pair of jeans as Julie made herself at home on your bed. 

“What were they here for?” She asked curiously. You just rolled your eyes. 

“To bother me.” You said, not wanting to elaborate. She seemed to accept your answer as you pulled off your sweats and changed into jeans. It wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t seen each other in your underwear thousands of times over the last three years. You grabbed a clean shirt that was hanging in the closet before heading into the bathroom to fix your hair and makeup. 

“Ready for semis?” She called to you. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” You replied, putting your hair into a messy bun on top of your head. “You?” You asked as you applied a bit of makeup quickly. Julie came into view as she leaned against the doorframe to your bathroom, watching you. 

“Hoping it’ll go better than last time.” She joked. You chuckled, recalling she accidentally caused Germany to be given a penalty kick the last time. “Hope really saved my ass on that one.” She said. 

“You know that wasn’t really your fault. It’s football, those things happen.” You said, putting your eyeliner back in your bag. 

“Yeah, but if we had lost because of that penalty I would have never forgiven myself.” She said. You look away from the mirror, moving closer to your friend, putting your hands on her shoulders. 

“But you didn’t. You won and went on to win the World Cup. Just like we’re going to do this year.” You reassure her. She nods, wrapping her arms around your waist, giving you a hug. It was moments like this that made it really hard for you to not pull back and kiss her, but as you had told Kelley, Alex and Allie, you weren’t going to jeopardize your friendship with Julie just because of a crush. 

----

You sprinted onto the field as the final whistle blew, signifying your win over England and advancement to the World Cup finals. You made a beeline for Julie, jumping into her arms. The blonde laughed, catching you and hooking her hands under your thighs. “You did it!” You exclaimed excitedly, your arms around her neck. 

“You weren’t an insignificant part of that either.” She reminded you. You had started the game, but Jill had subbed you out for Abby at halftime. You were good enough to start but still were relatively new to the squad. So you had watched Julie play the rest of the game from the bench, Allie nudging you every so often when you got a bit too engrossed in watching her play. You snuggled your nose into her neck as she held you up, gripping your thighs a bit tighter. 

“We’re into the finals.” You said. If your mouth hadn’t been close to her ear, she probably wouldn’t have heard you, but she nodded. 

“We sure are. Ready to go party about it?” She asked. You drew yourself back, nodding as she put you down. The two of you went and shook hands with a couple of the English players, Ellen White and Lucy Bronze if you recalled correctly before heading back to the tunnel and into the locker room. You rolled down your socks, taking your shin guards off and tossing them into your sports bag as Julie pulled the pre-wrap headband off, her hair still sticky with sweat from playing the full game. She turned to her locker to change out of her uniform as Kelley slid into the seat next to you. 

“So, she doesn’t have a thing for you, huh?” Kelley whispered. You shoved her in an attempt to get her to shut up given Julie was only a few feet away from you. 

“No. Now go away O’Hara.” You hissed. She just waggled her eyebrows and went over to Allie, the two of them gossiping in the corner, you were sure about you and Julie. They glanced your way every so often but you ignored them. You pulled your cleats off, putting them with your shin guards in your sports bag and changed into your sweats. When you finished, Julie was nowhere to be seen. But you weren’t particularly concerned, you were sure you’d meet up at the hotel and go out for drinks after. 

“Hey (Y/N).” You looked up to see Alex jogging towards you. 

“Alex.” You greeted, standing up. 

“Jill wants to talk to you.” She said. You frowned, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Jill to want to talk to individual players after a game, but you couldn’t think of anything that could warrant it. But you just shrugged, following Alex to a different part of the locker room. The two of you stopped outside what looked like an athletic closet of sorts, a bang coming from the other side of the door. You frowned, looking at Alex. But before you had an opportunity to ask what was going on, Alex opened the door and another pair of hands shoved you in. 

“What the fuck guys?” You ask as the door shut and clicked behind you. You tried to handle but found it locked. 

“We’re not letting you out until you woman up.” You heard Kelley say from the other side. You pounded on the door. 

“If you don’t let me out right now O’Hara, so help me.” You say but a hand grabbed your wrist to stop your fist from hitting the door again.

“I don’t think swearing at them is going to help.” A familiar voice said. You turned to see Julie locked in the same closet with you. 

“What is going on?” You asked, she just shrugged. 

“No idea. One moment Allie says Jill needs to talk to me, the next Kelley shoves me in this closet. And then she shoved you in here too.” You roll your eyes at your friend’s antics in trying to get you and Julie together. But you were going to be stubborn. You weren’t going to admit shit under duress like this. 

“I’m going to make it my personal mission to make the rest of your life hell O’Hara if you don’t let us out.” You yell. You just heard a scoff. 

“I’ll let you out right now after you admit it.” She replied. You growl. 

“You’re so dead Kelley!” You were about to pound a fist on the door again, but Julie stopped you. 

“What is she talking about?” She asks you. 

“Nothing. She’s being a shit friend.” You reply, brushing off the question. But Julie grabbed your arm, spinning you to face her. 

“Is there something going on?” She asked. You shake your head quickly. 

“Nothing.” You say, maybe a bit too fast because Julie looks at your skeptically. “It’s nothing.” You clarify, a little defeated, the fight drained out of you as her blue eyes stare at you. You always had a weakness for Julie, rarely ever being able to deny her anything. You avert your gaze, the back of your neck heating up a little. 

“Hey.” She said, lifting your chin to look at her. “You know you can tell me anything right?” You nod once but say nothing. She just sighs. “You’re my best friend, whatever it is, I promise it won’t change that.” She tries to reassure you, though the term best friend makes your heart clench a little. 

“It will though.” You say quietly in response. She gripped your shoulders tightly. 

“You’ll never know if it will unless you tell me.” She presses. You close your eyes, shaking your head, too terrified to actually voice the words out loud. There was a bang from the outside of the closet. 

“I don’t hear any confessing in there!” Kelley yelled. You groaned.

“Seriously, whatever it is, I can take it,” Julie said. 

“I like you, okay!” You explode, the stress coming both from Julie and Kelley too much for you to ignore anymore. Being trapped in a relatively small closet with your crush didn’t help either. “I’ve had feelings for you since we met, I’m just too chicken to admit it to you because I knew you didn’t like me like that and I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. Okay? Happy?” You said grumpily, arms folded in front of your chest, leaning up against the door. 

There was silence from both sides of the door. You suspected that Kelley didn’t think you’d actually admit it. And despite your crippling fear of your best friend’s reaction, your chest did feel a bit lighter after admitting your feelings. “You... “ You looked up, Julie’s hands still on your shoulders, seemingly trying to work out what you just said. You just shrug, not willing to say anything more that would make the situation worse. 

You felt Julie’s lips against yours before you really processed what was happening. You made a sputtering noise at the sudden invasion of personal space, and it took you a moment to fully comprehend what was happening. But once you did, you reciprocated, unfolding your arms and pulling Julie’s hips closer you to. Her hands left your shoulder, wrapping her arms around your neck. You pulled back after air became an issue, resting your head against the door breathlessly. “Wow.” You said. Julie grinned, pressing her forehead against yours at a little bit of a downward angle as she was a couple inches taller than you. 

“I told you I could handle it.” She said quietly. You snort. 

“How was I to know that?” You asked cheekily. She just rolled her eyes before kissing you again. “So, will you go on a date with me?’ You ask after you broke apart again. Julie’s eyes lit up a bit, nodding. 

“I’d love to.” She said. 

“I told you!” You hear from the other side of the door. 

“Fuck you, Kelley.” You yell back, but to be honest, you were quite pleased with the outcome and maybe you’d spare Kelley’s life after she let the two of you out of the closet. 

A/N: Okay, I enjoy this. Still not 100% on board with shipping real life people, but doing it with player x reader makes it a bit easier. And I still can’t help my thought of what if JJ was gay. She’d be too powerful for all of us so maybe it’s for the best. Might be a part 2, idk if anyone wants that. 

[nurseofren]

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 12

Read on AO3

Read chapter eleven (NSFW)

Title: Conflicted

Words: 3800

Summary: Sometimes getting answers only leads to more confusion.

ST Rambles: Okay FIRST - please go back and read the kiss with Nicki Minaj's "The Night is Still Young" playing. I don't know why, but it just works and it's what fueled this chapter.

Here's what could have been. I hurt myself in not letting it end with this, but I thought it was too much too fast. 

And this was probably very jarring and not what you might have expected after last chapter, but I promise it was necessary. When I read, I love chapters that focus on developing relationships and not necessarily directly relate to the plot. They serve a very important purpose to me.

Tell me what you think, fight for what you believe in, and give yourself some grace. This world is crazy, and we're all taking it a day at a time.

(Masterlist)

The glass was cold against your arm, sending a shiver down your spine while you looked out into space. One of the dwindling perks of being Kylo Ren’s appointed medic was the expanse of glass offering an impossible view of the galaxy, and you didn’t know if you’d ever get to enjoy it again after leaving tomorrow night, so you deemed it obligatory to take it all in while you were still here – career and otherwise.

A star flew past, disappearing in the distance. After you’d showered and disposed of your decimated uniform that night, Talia caught you before you could sneak away in silence. It was unnecessary, but she apologized for filing the report. It was an act of camaraderie – your pact of secrecy – even if it fell to pieces before it ever got a chance to fully form. Remembering the genuine concern in her eyes – red rimmed with tears – before you left the med bay made your heart fall. The only thing that made your temporary dismissal – courtesy of Kylo Ren – endurable was the fact that you hadn’t roped anyone into your downfall. It would’ve killed you to know that your own malpractice had caused anyone else suffering.

The continuous strip of lighting atop the room indicated it was near midnight. Ever since you’d come back to the quarters it had been impossible to sleep, your mind not staying quiet long enough to allow any rest. A second couldn’t pass without an anxious thought passing through, making your heart drop and your head dizzy.

At the forefront of these thoughts was your impending return to Starkiller, or at least what was waiting for you when you got back. It had been nearly two months since you’d left Robbie in that bar – blacked out and alone – and the idea of confronting him upon your return pitted your stomach with black dread. The thought of seeing him again, knowing that he’d groped at you and stolen your sense of comfort and security, trickled icy adrenaline into your veins. The probability of him being there when the Command Shuttle landed was extremely high, and it made you sick imagining stepping off the ship and being greeted by the one person you wished to avoid above all.

Robbie hadn’t physically hurt you, no, but what made your skin crawl when thinking back to that uncomfortable night was how opposite he was from what you’d thought. When you’d met him and when he’d comforted you, he seemed like a good guy, someone you could see making you happy. When he took off that uniform, though, he was a stranger, a blight in your memory. His ability to exist so separately within himself seemed like it should be impossible – like there wasn’t a real person behind that mask before you gave it a name.

At least Kylo Ren had the decency to stay relatively consistent in his identity. As much as you wanted there to be someone behind that mask – someone you once swore was beyond it – his recent act of punishment enlightened you to the truth: Kylo Ren did not care about anyone but himself, and to think differently was to be a fool. It felt like a dream – all those times you thought you’d seen a person within him, someone you felt real – however reluctant – feelings for, but after numerous attempts at trying to convince yourself you’d imagined it all, you accepted the fact that there was too much tangible evidence for you to have conjured it all up.

There was of course the letter with his handwriting etched into the envelope; the deep indented ink was still stowed away in your nightstand, greeting you every night when going to stow your watch away. The existence of that person – fleeting as he may be – was further confirmed with the pair of socks you’d obtained from his uniform; they were currently shoved into the back of your drawer, hidden away in an effort to keep you from accidentally slipping them on when you wanted to remember how you’d come to own them. There was one thing, though, that proved beyond any doubt in your mind that this person was real: the lingering memory of his touch.

No matter what he’d done to you in that assessment room – no matter the way you dizzied at the site of water running red at your feet, no matter the way your face stung just at the memory of his hand cracking across your cheek, no matter the bruises currently settling into your throat – you could not deny how your skin flourished for the feel of his own. Regardless of your last interaction with him, the thought of his nearness still warranted the flush of your cheeks and a glittering of your spine.

But that had to be the end all be all of it; you could only yearn for his touch, needing to completely forget about the elusive person you could prove the existence of, but was permanently and infuriatingly out of reach. It was a losing game to hold out for the transitory lapses in Kylo Ren’s guard, something he’d been fortifying for years before you’d met him. And, although you wanted to be the one person who could break down those inveterate barriers, you could recognize the inevitable waste of time it would be to try.

“You’re conflicted,” Kylo Ren said, his hidden voice eliciting no more than a slight skip in your heart.

Not turning away from the stars, you sighed against the glass, a small mist of fog spreading under your breath. “I can’t imagine why,” there was little care in your voice; you’d grown tired of reacting in any way towards him, only fueling his intentions when you had.

His footsteps, softer without his boots, shuffled closer, stopping before entering your periphery. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, more a request than a command.

What was his game here? An incredulous huff left your nose, fogging the glass again. “You don’t need me to tell you anything, I remember the headache from the last time you went digging through my head.”

A patrolling TIE-fighter came and left the view before you. “Would you prefer that over telling me yourself?” A slight edge rose in his tone, betraying the restraint in his words.

Why was he acting like this? Had he forgotten three days ago? Did he not hear the damage he’d done to your larynx? “Of course I wouldn’t prefer that, but what choice do I have?”

Taking one last look at the star-speckled abyss, catching sight of two concurrent shooting stars, you turned to him. He was in his underclothes, long sleeves and long pants to compensate for the constant winter of the quarters. His hair looked like he’d just gotten out of the shower – which was probable based on his nonsensical schedule. It was a rarity for him to be in the quarters at the same time as you, an even rarer occurrence for him to acknowledge your presence when he was.

His expression offered more life than yours did, his face flecked with the cast of stars in the darkened room. His hands weren’t balled into fists, hanging in a relaxed – if not, cautious – position at his sides. He looked completely… normal. For once. Without the exclusion of a shirt or the inclusion of his usual over-the-top uniform, it was as if he were completely human, neither an angel nor a demon standing in front of you.

“That’s what you’ve failed to understand this entire time,” his unmasked eyes were trained on the stars as he spoke, his voice contemplative. “you do have choices. You just keep making the wrong ones.” With this, his stare came over to yours, meeting your eyes in the barely lit room.

There was one particular choice he was alluding to, and there was no point trying to convince him to see your side. Crossing your arms, your back fell against the window. “I’m not apologizing for saving that man’s life. I did what I had to, and if that costs me my career, then so be it.”

It was still difficult to accept your own words. Half of the reason you kept saying them was to convince yourself they were true, but they haunted you more than you wanted to admit, keeping you from sleep, adding to that pitting dread day by day. Saying them, putting up a brave front, was easier than acknowledging the uncertainty they incited.

“I’m not asking you to apologize,” he absently traced a finger along the piano’s frame beside him. “Just as you said, you were following an oath you made when you entered into the First Order. You were doing what you thought was right.” The light cast over his face rippled as his brow twitched up.

As confused as his present demeanor was making you, the rampant honesty was too much to shy away from. “If you don’t think I did anything wrong, then why –,”

“I didn’t say you didn’t do anything wrong. I said you did what you thought was right. I’m not ignorant to the fact that your actions saved him,” his hand smoothed over the maroon finish, the reflected galaxy gliding over his skin while he did. “I was impressed that you thought so fast on your feet – your passion for healing and helping isn’t lost on me.”

In an effort to find the words to articulate the blatant confusion he was causing you, your mouth formed the start of many words, all falling to cessation before escaping. His casualness only intensified your need for an explanation. “But – if you – why did you dowse me in blood and crack my windpipe in half?”

The blunt summary of the punishment prompted him to face you, his eyes more pointed than before. “The two events are unrelated,” he said, taking a step forward, a crease forming over his brow. “I couldn’t care less that you took the blood, that doesn’t affect me; that blood is replaced as it expires.”

It was a feat ignoring the mounting fire forming within your chest, threatening to dowse your tone in poison. With a steadying breath, you spoke. “How are they – what do you mean they don’t correlate? I stole the blood, I got caught, you found out, you got mad. Is that not what happened?”

“You left out one key part,” his eyes pinned you in place. “The one thing you’ve refused to do. Something that would have prevented the majority of your suffering – you don’t respect me.”

He took another step towards you, leaving just a few feet of distance. Off the piano’s glossy finish, another star glided through space, falling out of view behind his staggering frame. Testing his patience, the truth formed ready at your lips. “I was forced into this. You forced me to follow you across the galaxy like some trained pet, and you want me to respect you just because you tell me? Because you expect it?”

A sharp exhale, one that had been building for some time, left his nose, his fingers ringing each other below his waist – his temper was wearing thin. “I didn’t have to keep Hux from scheduling your execution.” He took one step closer, leaving only inches between you, the heat of his dwindling temper whispering over your frozen skin.

It was like talking to a wall trying to get your point across. “I didn’t ask you to,” you said. “That’s what I’m saying – I never wanted this. I never asked to be here, but you refuse to appoint someone else. Why? What makes me so fascinating, Commander? Why don’t you just fire me? It would be better for everyone.”

These words were much easier to accept – you so obviously didn’t belong with the other appointed care providers, and you knew your skills were barely up to par with them either. Him choosing you out of the blue made no sense; you were good at your job, but the Elite wanted someone who could be perfect, someone they could bend to their will. It was the smart decision to let you go, even if the thought tore through your insides.

The muscle under his eye twitched, his face leaning down to yours, his breath warming over your nose. His eyes burned with that same raw emotion from before, again proving the existence of that unattainable person behind them. “I –,” he started, pausing before he continued. “You -,” he attempted again, words seemingly evading him.

He was so close, the stars reflecting into his wide pupils. When had he ever been at a loss for words? “I what?” Looking between his lips – the dim light of the galaxy contouring them in its abstractness – and his eyes, you yearned for that impossible more you knew to be just out of reach; its presence growing more visible behind his auburn as the seconds passed, taunting you with its closeness. “Why can’t you just say it and get -”

“I trust – you.” His sentence was broken and fragmented, his breath to match as the admission winded him; the three syllables came at all differing volumes, the first booming, his volume faltering as the following two met it. His tone was indicative of an obvious discomfort in his acknowledgment of their veracity, like he had adopted your practice of saying them until he believed them. With his words came his hands, placed at either side of your head, tightened into pale fists.

Unbidden and without thinking, the first thought that came to mind left your mouth in an incredulous breath. “Why?”

The thoughtlessness of the question made you recoil into yourself, leaving you to observe the steady expression Kylo Ren was regarding you with, an unreadable scrutiny fogging his eyes. The seconds he held you there felt like hours, his eyes never leaving yours, his brow narrowing ever so slightly as he looked through you. With a quiet huff of breath, he pushed off the wall and turned away. “Nothing you aren’t already aware of.” He said, sitting to face you on the piano bench.

Out of his proximity, you could breathe, trying hard not to clue him in on the fact you’d lost the ability to begin with. Studying you, he began again. “Like you mentioned before, when I was – how did you put it – digging around in your head,” he stared back out into space, “I saw you that first night you were assigned to me.”

Taking a step forward, you waited intently for him to continue, not wanting to interrupt his admission. His throat bobbed while he gathered his thoughts, his stare still trained on the glass, stars streaking across his black clothing like water droplets. “When you figured out you were late for the Command Shuttle, and while RB-6745 was trying to console you,” his nose twitched at the acknowledgement of the stormtrooper, “you were worried.” He looked over to you, holding you in his stare, searching for something you weren’t aware of.

When you didn’t speak up, keeping his gaze in the dark silence, he continued. “Not about yourself or getting in trouble,” his attention fell back behind you before he went on. “You were only focused on the scenario that you wouldn’t be there in the case that I would… require your assistance.” He swallowed, looking back to you, carrying new weight behind his eyes.

He had no reason to be telling you all of this, but the fact that he was taunted that connection once more, like he was real, like that unattainable person was present for the time being. Another star fell, racing across the piano behind his shoulders.

Suddenly, you understood his earlier loss for words – they were important words. They were true words. And just as you didn’t know how to accept that you were on the precipice of losing your career, he didn’t know how to accept the fact that you cared for him. The night was filled with hard truths that neither of you wanted to acknowledge, knowing that as soon as you did they would lead to an unknown neither of you were prepared to understand.

In an attempt to express your words fully, you reached out to his shoulder, squeezing it in your grip, feeling his muscles flex beneath your hand. His eyes hadn’t left yours on your way over to him, and you kept them in yours, a silent vow of thanks. “That’s my job, Commander.” Chewing your cheek for a minute, considering your next move, you sat next to him on the bench, feeling him stiffen and then relax after a few seconds.

Staring out into the galaxy, his warmth on your skin - it felt right. The connection you felt could only be compared to friendship in this moment, no feelings of romance adulterating the trust that had been vocalized. It was similar to the moment of camaraderie you shared with Talia – but this was deeper, not only a promise of protection, but one of respect.

“Why did you tell me this? Any of it?” Keeping your focus on the galaxy, your periphery watched for any reaction to the question.

Two stars flashed across the glass expanse, lighting the room for half a second before he replied. “You’re worried about your career,” he took a deep breath, “and you’re accepting defeat.” He looked over to you, your eyes still trained on the stars. “You think you aren’t worthy of the position. You are,” he said. “You deserve to be here.”

Wrapped in enveloping darkness, his face was only half lit from the stars when you turned to him, pouring your eyes into his. The last thing you expected from Kylo Ren was a compliment, but for him – the root of your doubt – to confide in you that he believed your position was deserved? It was nearly inconceivable. It gave you the validation you had been starved for, doubting your place since you’d gotten the assignment. Unknowingly, he had gifted you the affirmation you didn’t realize you had needed, one that brought you to accept your purpose in the position, rekindling a flame you’d been neglecting since the beginning.

Peppering over his face – lips, nose, eyes – you frantically searched for any indication of the usual hidden intentions he kept. There was nothing. No narrowed eyes, no malevolence quirking his lips, no tightened jaw quivering with restraint – nothing. It frenzied you, the fact his words were stripped of innuendo, their meaning completely unadulterated and true. In a moment of deep appreciation, you took his face in your hands, stopping momentarily to trace his cheekbones with your thumbs. Having already searched his eyes for fallacy, you didn’t have to keep looking into them, but you did, admiring the stars showering through his pupils. Eventually, pulling him towards you, your lips pressed into his with a newfound fervor, sparks flooding down to your fingers and toes as something new bloomed in the night.

He met you there, his own hands locking you to him, their size dwarfing your skull. His tongue slid onto yours, deepening the kiss, losing yourselves in the connection, seemingly joining the stars beyond. The intensity charging between you rivaled the sun, your mouths colliding into each other, a fusion of two atoms of opposite charges, making the other whole. With his hands gripping into your hair, a small moan – inspired by shock and need – faltered into Kylo’s mouth, its hesitant resonance lost under the harsh breath leaving his nose. At this, his hands fell down to your hips and tugged you closer to him, wanting you nearer, guiding you with their strength.

The overwhelming connection was suffocating, flooding your lungs with hunger and urgency, petrifying your chest with the realization of the power building within you to clutch that person within him, to pull him into permanency. And it scared you, knowing that if you went further – if you were to pursue this rush of intimacy molding your mouth to his – you would not be able to come back from it; if you were to let yourself fall into this more, there was a promise of no return, leaving you to burn for a man who you knew could never feel the same – could never burn the same – as you did for him.

In this storm of revelation, you forced yourself to break away from him, resting your forehead to his, eyes shut and hiding from the intensity residing in his, knowing it would evaporate your resolve. “Can we just – can we just sit here for a minute,” you breathed, your lips buzzing from the broken connection.

For a moment, he only held you there, his thumbs digging into your hips, his breath mingling with yours. Without a word, and with an inhale laced in finality, his touch left you – his warmth following suit – and he stood, peering into the celestial shower beyond the glass.

In the absence of his touch, you were collateral damage; standing apart from you, even just a few feet, Kylo Ren had not only nullified that terrifying promise, but he had proved you right: the person residing behind his burning auburn eyes would only ever be ephemeral in their existence. The night had brought another hard truth upon you, the stars seeming to stop racing altogether as it did.

“The Command Shuttle will depart at twenty-two hundred tomorrow night,” he said, his voice now infuriatingly vacant. “It would be wise to get some rest, officer.”

While he walked ahead towards the stars, his hands balled into fists at his sides, straining with white as he peered out into space. Watching them flex and relax for a minute enlightened you to your statuesque posture, not yet having left the broken moment in time. With a swallow, you pushed off from the bench and started back to your room. As you did, though, you remembered what had earlier brought you to seek solace in the stars, the storm of returning to Starkiller and facing Robbie emptying the air from your lungs.

“The day after we landed,” Kylo said, his voice echoing through the shadowed room, your stride halting as it did, “I instructed Captain Phasma to demote him.”

If his intentions were to soothe the sudden anxiety he’d sensed in you, he’d failed completely – the information only frayed your nerves that much more, allowing one last torturous glimpse at that elusive notion of more you knew was too temporary to trust. As you stood there, once more flayed by Kylo Ren, hot tears threatened to spill over.

“Goodnight, Commander Ren.” The words left your mouth with a falter, your heart ripping from your chest, every hard truth the night revealed weighing it down until it left you completely.

Crawling into bed, limbs limp with emotional exhaustion, your chest bled for what it had earlier ran from – that promise of no return was now a mirage of the past, never to be offered again.

[periwinkledoodle]

Chapter 1: Bo the Funkster and His Shady Owl

Honey Lee

How do you pack for a boarding school for the magically gifted? No seriously, I’m asking. The question had so paralyzed me for weeks that there I was at 5 am on a Sunday staring at an empty suitcase. 

My parents had enrolled me, their ‘gifted’ child into Ilvermorney’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after I’d accidentally transfigured my Algebra teacher’s toupee into a small chihuahua. I mean the resemblance was uncanny but my feeble explanations weren’t fooling anyone. My letter addressed to Ms. Hun Mi Beatrice Lee arrived shortly after.

“Hey Honeycomb, do you wanna eat breakfast before we go or take it on the way to the airport?” It was my Dad calling from down the hall in our Familie’s tiny San Francisco Apartment. He was probably packing snacks and making a Spotify playlist for the drive to the Airport. He knows exactly how to prepare for this. I grumbled to myself. It was a knack of his to anticipate and prepare, not just for himself but for our little family of three. When I went to my first sleep-away camp he made sure to tuck Mr. Pinky into my duffle even though I insisted I was too old for stuffed animals. When Mom lost her job he was prepared with taped re-runs of Gilmore Girls, a steaming pan of bulgogi and extra savings from a rainy day account he’d meant to surprise us with.  

“I’ll eat on the way” I shouted back after a pregnant pause. Maybe it’s not too late to ask him to pack for me. I jumped at the knock on my door.

“Uuuuh-” I responded dumbly, unable to come up with a believable excuse to shoo away the intruder. The door creaked open and my Mom stood there sleepy-eyed with an extra cup of coffee in her hands.  

“Coffee?” She smiled sweetly, handing me my favorite ceramic travel mug. The one with the San Francisco skyline. The one not from Starbucks. She took a sip of her own before eyeing my room. I could see her face change as her eyes drifted to the empty suitcase at the end of my bed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and another sip of coffee. When she opened her eyes again she took the coffee mug out of my hands and pointed down the hall to the bathroom.

“Toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, razor, lotion. Go!”

All I could do was nod and scurry to my task as Mom called down the hall “Ed! Put the pancake batter in the fridge and come help me!”

Twenty minutes later my parents were high-fiving each other as we merged onto the freeway to the Airport with my entire wardrobe and most of my essentials stuffed into two bags in the trunk.

“We’re only a few minutes behind schedule, which is fine because I set aside at least ten minutes of buffer time for getting your mom out the door so really we’re ahead of things- Ow!” Dad rubbed the spot where mom’s elbow met his ribs. Mom turned around in her seat to hand me back my coffee.

“Ready?” She asked

I nodded. How are you supposed to tell your parents you’re woefully unprepared to be a witch when they’re making big sacrifices to make the best of the situation? Ilvermorney was not cheap I knew that much.

“The real question is-”

I groaned as dad reached for his iphone

“Are you guys ready for this fire mixtape?”

“Dad it’s called a playlist and please never call something ‘fire’ ever again” I shouted over the speakers blasting Magic by Pilot.

My family has never been one for emotional goodbyes so forty minutes later at the departures curb my Dad handed me my bags and my itinerary with sticky notes marking extra instructions for my transfer from JFK to the School’s rail shuttle. Mom handed me some extra cash for breakfast and they were off. Not two minutes later my phone buzzed with a text from Mom.

We’re so proud of you. X.

I’ll admit my eyes did sweat a little as I took a deep breath and headed to the bag drop line.

Having a whole 7-hour flight to ease my social anxiety nerves did not prepare me for the three-hour train ride with no assigned seating from New York to Mt. Greylock. After wandering the full length of the train trying to act like I knew where I was going I finally settled into an empty compartment towards the front of the ‘student rail shuttle’ or at least that’s what was plastered on each train car. After a full five minutes of peace and quiet, what I can only describe as a Crayola box on heelies rolled into my compartment, stuck out his hand and said “Hi, I’m Bo the Funkster” before dropping his bags and a tiny bug-eyed owl in the corner.

“Hi,” I said weakly, shaking his hand. From head to toe, the guy was a loud assortment of patterns right down to his banana socks and checkered vans. I was still confused as to how they had wheels.

“You got a name?” he asked cheerily

“Honey”

“Babe” He quipped without skipping a beat. Fluttering his eyelashes teasingly.

I huffed uncomfortably “N-no that’s my name. Well, actually my name is Hun Mi but my sister couldn’t pronounce it when I was born so she called me Honey and now it’s the only name I ever remember being called.”  

“That’s cute” He smiled sincerely

“Yeah, she was cute like that. My parents miss her a lot.” I said more to myself than anyone else until I saw his smile drop. Oh boy, major overshare. I mentally slapped myself. Recover! Recover!

“I mean, she died from cancer a long time ago so it’s fine”

His eyebrows knit together and mouth agape no doubt looking for a socially acceptable response to ‘Hi my name is Honey, my sister died of leukemia what’s your childhood trauma?’  

Way to put oil on the fire Honey.

But to my surprise Bo the Funkster pat a hand on my knee. “Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry” He leaned back in his seat and studied me for a minute. “So your first semester at Ilvermorney?”

“Can you tell?”

“Uh, yeah. But you’re good don’t sweat it. I’ll help you out. Hit me with your questions.”

“Questions?”

“Yeah about wizarding, Ilvermorney, whatever. There’s no shame in being new to the wizarding community but you probably want to know a few things am I right?”

I nodded

“Well then, young padawan-” he gestured  “proceed.”

Two and a half hours later we had exhausted our Q&A and had resorted to swapping opinions on the best movies of the summer. The train turned a sharp corner into bright forested hills and the glow of the late afternoon light made me feel like we had entered another world altogether.

Bo caught me staring “Yeah, it’s pretty” he admitted crawling his lanky limbs over his seat towards the window, he wedged the rusted thing open to let the summer breeze in.

“C’ mere” He motioned

I scooted over to the window and followed suit as he stuck his head out the window and inhaled deeply.

“Aahh, the last breath of summer,” he remarked before grinning at me wildly and cupping his hands to let loose a piercing howl that echoed over the hillside. I blinked. He abruptly put his hand up and shushed.

“I didn’t-”

“SHHH!” he wagged his shushing finger more forcibly.

I rolled my eyes to the sky but without missing a beat several eerie howls drifted back over the hills to us. I could feel my eyes grow wide.

“werewolves” Bo the funkster declared waving his arm out the window in proud presentation before sitting back in his assigned seat looking very pleased with himself.

“But it’s daytime, don’t they only change with the full moon?”

“Woohoo, look who knows her stuff!” He cheered. Then leaning forward with an unsettlingly fascinated look in his eye “It is a full moon!”  Without looking he jabbed a finger at the sky. I almost didn’t look half expecting him to just be messing with me, but there it was hanging proudly in what was left of blue in the sky.

“The nighttime part isn’t necessary and werewolves can howl in their human form too. Piece of trivia for your DA course.” He clicked some finger guns at me and winked before stepping out of the compartment without explanation.

What a weirdo. I smiled in spite of myself.

“Buckle up!” He called from down the car

Buckle up?

The train lurched and took off the tracks and I white-knuckled the armrest searching furiously with my other arm for a nonexistent seatbelt. The shifty Owl who I’d almost forgotten about perched atop the now falling luggage let out a grumbly and distinctly human-like “Who” that would haunt my dreams for weeks.

I gaped at it in absolute horror.

Once I regained my balance, and a piece of my sanity, I dared to steal a glance out the window, rather than engage the bird in a staring contest I was likely to lose. The sight that met my eyes made both my stomach and my heart leap. Unsure of whether it was nausea or nerves, I took a deep breath and leaned out the window again for a closer look. As the train gracefully ascended around the mountain it passed through a flock of what I can only describe as grey eagle-like Pegasus. Pegasuses? Pegasi? There were so many things I still didn’t know.

Now is not the time to dwell on self-doubt. I lectured.

Looking again, I saw emerging from the trees at the top of the mountain piercing spires and castle windows glittering in the setting sun.

Maybe this place can be home. I hoped. The thought of finding a place to belong made me loosen my grip on the seat cushioning until another unsettling “who” came from the beady-eyed monster in the corner.

“BO!?” I called out nervously

No response.

I swear to God-  

“FUNKSTER!?”

[dragonhrte]

Destiny? Chapter Five: Out There

Author's Note:

Thank you so much for giving this work a read! Quick disclaimer, for all intents and purposes MHA/BNHA are not mine they do not belong to me. The manga and anime have inspired me to write this fiction and dialogue as well as events are given credit to the beautiful people who have blessed us with this series. Aside from standard story line events this work is mine. Here's a long one for you guys, sorry about the long wait. I've been busy with finals and such.

Please note that

*abc* is a sound effect

'abc' is internal thoughts of whomever

"abc" is dialogue

(abc) is a side note from yours truly ;)

~Love, DragonHearte

After walking home for the day I go to my room and immediately sit down at my desk. I type "Sludge Villain Incident" into the search engine, I get thousands of hits. After clicking on a few articles and videos, I find an amateur video taken from what seems to be a handheld device. The video quality isn't that good and it's also really shaky but it's the only video that taped the beginning of the sighting. The sludge monster appears to have a hostage, the camera zooms in to get a grainy image of 'Bakugo?' I would be able to recognize the utter hatred practically oozing off of him in waves. 

None of the heroes are helping him, I am not able to make out exactly what's being said. I squint at the video on my laptop, closely examining the events that are transpiring, and then widen my eyes, 'The sludge from the villain is covering his nose and filling his mouth! He's probably not even breathing!' Then, for a split second, the camera steadies and focuses on Bakugo's face. A pleading look, devoid of the ever-present scowl on his face. I quickly pause the video before I lose the image. I sit there cross-legged on my desk chair staring at the frozen image before me. 'How is Bakugo of all people even able to make that face? He truly looks like he's asking for help, not that he was helpless. But in a way acknowledging the fact he couldn't get out of that situation on his own. How can you make such a face?' I think this to myself as I stare at the image. The emotion in his eyes striking a chord deep within me. I open a new tab and search for articles on the incident, and I find the aftermath of the situation. At this point, I'm not really looking for anything specific, but I come across the date of the incident. 'This happened this past summer?' I think to myself.

 I can't help but admire the fact that Bakugo is not only strong physically shown by the group exercise, but he is also mentally strong. After enduring such a traumatic experience, he's been able to remain mentally sound. I shake the torrent of my own experiences from my mind, and turn back to the computer. I start to do my homework before I get distracted by my past.

Max is at work late, so I heat up the leftovers from dinner the night before. I set the table for one and carry my reheated meal to my spot. I eat in comfortable silence, not thinking about anything in particular, my mind wanders to the reports that I read earlier that afternoon. 'Bakugo was stuck like that for a while.' My mind flashes the image of his pleading eyes back at me. 'He was devoid of oxygen until Midoriya tried to help him. It was clearly Midoriya because the camera was able to capture a somewhat clear picture of him as he ran to Bakugo's side. Why does Bakugo hate Midoriya if he saved his life?' I dismissed the thought for the moment and put it aside to address another day.

I've gotten settled into bed and finished my homework. I turn off the lamp on my bedside table and allow myself to fall into the dark abyss of sleep.

*Beep*

*Beep*

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock informing me that it is time to go to school. I reach over, face still stuffed in my pillow to turn it off. I miss the first two times, but I finally hit the right button on my third attempt. I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes, and simply sit there for a few moments letting myself wake up. I look over at the time sleepily, and see 7:50 am. My eyes snap open, 'Oh no, I hit snooze too many times! I'm gonna be late!' After flinging away my covers and jumping out of bed I rush over to uniform, I have set out and hurriedly start putting it on. I hop over to the bathroom to brush my teeth while getting my second sock on. I grab a slice of toast on the way out the door, then I immediately turn back around to grab my phone and backpack.

I am sprinting through the halls to get to class with the least amount of annoyance on Mr. Aizawa's face when I get there. I skid to a halt right before I enter the room and try to catch my breath. I speed walk my way through the door and make brief eye contact with Mr. Aizawa before falling into a deep bow as I make my way to my seat. I walk in front of the class, then round the corner of the front row of desks. As I approach my seat, I hear a faint tutting noise. I swing my head towards Bakugo and catch him rolling his eyes and looking away from me. I bump into my desk and a short brief screech emits from it, my cheeks slightly heat up from the attention being drawn to myself.

"Schaffer, if you're going to show up to class late, be quiet while doing so," A violent blush spreads across my face as I sit down, "I guess tardiness is a trend today because All Might is late, but he will be meeting with us later on during class. Today we will be doing a rescue training. It's going to teach you how to deal with disaster relief from fires to floods. You can choose to wear your gym uniforms or not, just know that some of your costumes are not well equipped for this training exercise. We're also going to be transported to a separate training location via bus. Anyways, that's it so get changed and let's go."

When the class gets outside, we all are instructed by Ida on the proper way to board the bus. ‘Does he think we’ve never ridden on a bus before?’ I think to myself as I board the bus, I end up in the back and sit next to Yaoyorozu, it's a bit cramped in the back row, but not too bad. I keep to myself, but a conversation between Tsuyu Asui and Midoriya peaks my interest.

"Your quirk is similar to All Might's in many ways, Midoriya." Tsuyu states.

A look of complete panic comes over Midoriya, a bit more than his usual worried or panicked look, a quick thought passes through my head, 'I wonder what that's all about?' Stammering, Midoriya responds, "R-r-really? I n-never notic-ed!"

I quirk my eyebrow in confusion, and then Kirishima pipes up, "That doesn't make any sense, his quirk is different in a big way. He gets hurt whenever he uses his quirk, and All Might doesn't. His quirk is pretty cool, way cooler than my hardening quirk. It's pretty boring, I will admit though that it's handy in a fight."

I frown slightly at his comment about having a boring quirk and then turn my head when I hear Midoriya say, "It's not boring, I think it's really cool and extremely useful."

"Don't forget that in order to go pro, you also need popular appeal." Kirishima adds

"My navel laser is the perfect well-rounded quirk because it's cool and also strong." says the flashy, self-centered blonde, Aoyama.

Ashido cuts in and says, "Your quirk is great and all up until you overuse it and give yourself a stomach ache."

Aoyama's face turns bright red after this comment. Tsuyu says, "Todoroki and Bakugo have really strong quirks, but Bakugo is a giant asshole. He'll probably never be popular enough to be the number one hero."

I try in vain to stifle a laugh, thinking to myself, 'This is what the class thinks of him? That explains why I was the only one who voted for him.'

Bakugo then yells, "Who the fuck do you think you're talking about Frog-face?!"

He then jerks his head in my direction and shouts, "What're you laughing at?!"

I start to turn my head with the intent of responding, but then decide against it and resume looking at the scenery we pass by. I think to myself, 'I’m pleased to know I’m not the only one who thinks that you have a flaming turd for a personality.'

We get to our destination and file out of the bus. The class walks into the large building and there are so many different things to look at. A person in what appears to be a spacesuit approaches the class and says, "There's a zone for any and every disaster and accident possible. There's a flood zone, landslide zone, and conflagration zone to name a few. I built this facility and I call it the, Unforeseen Simulation Joint!"

'Who is this?' I ask myself, and overhear Midoriya say, "It's the space hero, Thirteen! He's a gentleman hero who does his best work in rescue scenarios!"

Thirteen and Mr. Aizawa speak briefly and then Thirteen resumes talking,

"Many of you know I have a quirk called, Black Hole, it can suck and tear apart literally anything. This is a cool but dangerous ability that has a high potential of killing someone. I'm sure many of you have an ability that fits this description. In our society, quirks are kept under control for safety. The system we have in place right now may seem sound, but we shouldn't forget that if we're not careful we can accidentally kill someone with these amazing abilities. Through the battle training you were able to experience that your quirks have the potential to hurt others. Your powers are not meant just to inflict harm, today you will learn how to use those same destructive powers to save people. I want you all to leave here today with the understanding that you are here to become a hero to help others."

When Thirteen is done with his opening statement, he takes a deep bow. The lights flicker and the fountain in the center of the building sputters for a second. I walk over to my group of friends. I poke Kirishima in the shoulder and ask, "What do you think is going on?"

"I don't know, I hope everything's okay though." he says as he casually places his arm on my shoulder.

All of a sudden Mr. Aizawa shouts out, "Huddle up and don't move," I look around at everyone in their costumes, there is collective confusion apparent on their faces. "Thirteen! Protect the students!"

Kirishima puts his other arm that's not resting on my shoulder up to his face to look out at the figures appearing in the center of the building and says, "What the heck is that? More battle robots like the ones we saw during the entrance exam?"

I go on my tiptoes and try and lift myself up to see the figures he's talking about when Mr. Aizawa says, "Don't move those are Villains!" 

"What villains would be stupid enough to come to a school full of soon-to-be heroes?" says Kirishima.

Yoayorozu asks Thirteen, "There are intruder sensors right?"

"Yes, of course!"

I think for a moment about the whole situation and then say, "Well, are they just here or are they at the main building too? Maybe the sensors aren't working because they have someone with a quirk that renders them useless... We're pretty far away from the school's main campus. There's not a lot of people here, but it feels like they picked this time specifically. So, maybe they're not as dumb as they look. Also they probably have an objective. This seems like a well thought out sneak attack."

Mr. Aizawa moves to the edge of the platform we're all on and says, "Thirteen take the kids back to the main campus, evacuate the building. Call the school. Like Schaffer said, there's a high likelihood that one of the villains is jamming the sensors with their quirk. Kaminari can you use your quirk to signal for help?"

"I can try!" Kaminari responds.

"There's too many! Sensei, you can't fight them all alone! Your quirk won't be able to nullify all of theirs. You work best as a subdue and capture hero. Your strength isn't head-on battle." says Midoriya.

Mr. Aizawa pulls his goggles up and over his eyes, then says, "A true pro hero, is well-rounded. Thirteen take care of my students."

He jumps off the ledge and plummets to the horde of villains below. My eyes widen in shock and awe as he's taking them down one after the other. Thirteen and the rest of the class start walking towards the doors to leave the building, but we're stopped by a dark smoky mass.

The smokey mass speaks and says, "I won't allow this. We are the League of Villains, we've come here with one goal in mind. To kill All Might, the symbol of peace. The schedule we intercepted promised he would be here. Perhaps he had a change of plans, it doesn't matter if they have. I still won't let you leave."

I quickly survey my classmates and see the fear in their eyes. I squint through the darkness and catch a glimpse of shiny reflective metal from the center of the mass. "There's something there in the most concentrated part of the entity." I say more to myself than anyone else. Then suddenly Kirishima is gone from my side and so is Bakugo from our group. I see them both dart forward.

*Boom* 

"You'll have to get through us first!" yells Bakugo

Kirishima shouts, "Ha! I bet you didn't think of that when you were planning this!"

"You're right I didn't. We forgot that you're not just students, but you are also going to be the world's best someday,"

"Boys, get back!" Thirteen exclaims.

The talking mass, starts expanding rapidly, blocking out the light. My feet move instinctually, sprinting towards them into the fray, with nothing going through my mind other than, 'Save them.'

An ominous message rings out, "Begone. Writhe in torment until you breathe you last breath." 

It's the last thing I hear before the darkness consumes me, and everything goes dark.

Chapter Six: Elsewhere

[plusperfect]

Triggering topic

But one I feel ready to talk about on my blog.

⚠️

-if mentions of eating disorders and related things upset or trigger you please do not read this post-

So I mentioned briefly in a previous post that I struggled with disordered eating. And I wanted to do a proper post about it. Some of my followers know as I have spoken to and tried to help other individuals too. I have struggled with eating disorders since I was 7/8 years old. Yeah, young I know.

I went to a boarding school. For those of you who don’t know this is where the school is your house. You sleep there and see your parents like 3 times a year. I was overweight as a child. 8 and 8st. I’m not proud. (14 years later I would find out this was due to a gluten allergy cause by an autoimmune disorder but this isn’t massively relevant to the story at the moment).

My house parent, the mother figure in your life at boarding school, put me on a highly restricted diet (without telling my parents). For 4 years I was only allowed 1 piece of break a week, my tuck (sweets and snacks my family gave me) was locked away and I was allowed one piece a week, my dinner comprised of half a jacket potato one individual pack of butter and one spoon of tuna fish with a small side plate of salad. No puddings. I was 7-11 years old and watching all the other kids eat whatever they wanted whenever they wanted with no restrictions knowing that I was restricted because I was fat.

I did what any normal kid would do and took advantage of being at home. Usually the day after I flew home my family would go out to a restaurant or the cinema to have a nice family outing- so I would eat, taking advantage of the lack of restrictions, and I would EAT until later that night when I would puke everything back up again. This developed into a subconscious binge eating disorder and purging routine. I wasn’t making myself sick but it was how my body coped and even now I still suffer from it not being able to eat the same meal for more than 1 or 2 meals without being violently sick.

I was VERY active as a child; I was on every sports team, did street/pop dance over my lunch break, extra curricular ballet and horse riding and I worked my socks off at everything because I never wanted to let anyone down. (This should’ve been the first sign that something was wrong other than just me eating too much) during the holidays when I was home I would join the middle aged mothers on my compound when they went for runs and when they did aqua fit in the pool; as well as all the usual running swimming cycling rollerblading and trampolining that kids do. But I was still big. When I moved to big school the teachers where more lax about my food; and eventually when I was 14 no one was controlling my food anymore, but I was putting myself on diets and workout programs to lose weight because I was the fattest person in my school. I was 10st (140lbs). Not really that fat considering I was 5”5-5”7 but I was a late developer so I was still kinda build like a toddler where everything was just kinda barrelly (does that make sense? Like no curves just a stick with a distended tummy) I tried juice fasts and high carb veganism, vegetarian diet (but I’m not allowed to be veggie coz of health issues), just salad and chicken, soup diet, 7lbs in 7days- you name I tried it. And nothing was working. I was not losing weight. At 15 I was literally hoping I would’ve comatosed so I could wake up skinny.

Then I was in my final year of school and I got a boyfriend. I stopped worrying so much about what I looked like (though I wasn’t completely comfortable with him seeing me fully undressed for nearly a year) I put on a bit of weight and ended up at 160ish lbs. Then I moved in with my mum and started university, I was in charge of cooking instead of paying rent so I was making healthy home cooked meals. I very rarely used oil in cooking, it was full of veggies and flavour and was balanced and a good portion. I was eating out with my friends on lunch times or having sandwiches, toast and fruit in the morning or a McDonald’s breakfast while on the bus to uni. More fatty foods than I was used to but not an obscene amount, and I was still quite active. But I ballooned. I went up 3st (51lbs) in less than 3 months.

I went to my gp and requested bloods to be taken as I was worried that I possibly had a hormonal imbalance caused by PCOS as that sort of stuff runs in my family. He took note of the bloods request but basically told me not to worry. I mentioned I had put on weight rapidly and he told me to eat less and work out more. So I did.

I spent the next 3 years yoyoing dieting, paying massive amounts of money on gym memberships, personal training, fitness classes.

And.

Still.

I.

Got.

Bigger.

My body image plummeted. I started fasting and dieting again. Eating healthily to have my body reject it because I was so anxious about eating and gaining. I was looking at thinspo and girls who were about 100-110lbs and wishing I could just be like them. I would watch biggest loser, supersize vs superskinny, my 600lb life all this programs to get tips on how to lose weight. I bought diet pills (they don’t work) I cried and screamed and threw my entire wardrobe into charity bags because nothing fit or looked good. I was working out 13hours a week and eating about 500calories a day. And still gaining weight.

So after a hellish and emotional final year (some of which I’ve spoken about on here) I gave up watching what I ate and exercising. I was up over 221lbs and I found out due to an accidental blood test (taken when I went for a ecg to check I wasn’t having heart attacks) that I had a thyroid condition which was why I had gained so much weight so quickly and why I couldn’t lose it.

But by then the damage was done. My binging and purging had turned into obsessively counting calories and fasting and binging until my body purged itself. However I gave up completely caring for the couple of months while I was in a very bad place mentally, this was actually my first step in recovery. It was the first time in a long time not caring and I needed that as it helped break the cycle.

Over this past year I have been working so hard on having a healthy relationship with food as well as my own health and fitness. I have bad days where I have to force myself to eat to accommodate for the energy I have used. And I have good days where I don’t have to fight the urge to step on the scale 15 times a day. It hard, on days where there is a lot of pressure or I have to relive some of the events from the past years it’s hard to not control that one little aspect. It’s why I sometimes forget to post weekly weigh ins because I’m trying to get out of using the scale a bit more and think about how I feel instead.

Running has helped me a lot over this past year. And I only track my calories occasionally for like a week at a time to make sure I’m not massively under eating. I’m hoping to work with a wonderful personal trainer when I’m back in the UK who specialises in female body conditioning and nutrition; my goals are NOT to lose weight (though I’m still aiming to get into that healthy bmi range) my goals are to get stronger, and develop and enhance my body’s natural shape with muscle, and get better with my food, what I should be eating and how much I should be eating.

I know my journey is very specific and there were a lot of bad events in quick succession that actually affected my view of things but I’m hoping this story can resonate with some people and help them to get help to recover or just look at themselves in a bit of a different light.

[skiiwriting]

Excerpt from Chapter 21

When I wake up, I do not know how much time has passed. I almost do not care. Wearily, I rub my eyes and collapse back on my side. Despite sleeping for who knows how long, my body is still tired and I feel as if I could sleep for a hundred years if left undisturbed.

A comforting warmth presses against my back. I press back into the warmth, like my own personal furnace.

Small beads of pain still pulse along the back of my head, but they are virtually invisible unless I turn my attention towards them. The air conditioning hums softly in the corner of the room, filling the air with a comfortable nip that allows me to sink into the soft warmth more.

I do not want to leave. I want to stay here forever, enveloped in the warmth of my room, away from others, away from the knowledge that Ayden is in my old room, refusing to take his oath and refusing to talk to me. He will not even talk to Ans. He has been refusing to eat, instead throwing his meals and water cups at the walls. We have given him plastic cups lately.

In my room, I can hide from responsibilities, from training and from scheduled meals. I can hide from the ones who jeer and trip me during warmups as we run through the woods. I can hide from their stares and their pointed jokes and leaving me out of the groups.

Here I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to smile and wave. There are no practised greetings or ways to avoid conversations about the surgery or the Plague. I do not want to talk about it, but it is all anyone ever wants to talk about with me.

Not wanting to move and sacrifice possibly the most comfortable sleeping position in the world, I close my eyes and smile softly to myself. The lights still penetrate my eyelids and it pokes pin holes in my world of comfortable darkness. The light stains my small blanket of comfort but I do not mind. It is not as if I am going to sleep again for a while anyway.

“You’re awake.” Ans breathes in my ear, his cheek resting on my shoulder despite being quite taller than I am. I feel a faint tug at a tendril of hair at my temple as if he is winding it around and around his finger.

“Yeah, I think I am,” I reply, feeling the corner of my mouth tug upward.

“How long was I asleep?” my voice sounds feeble, and I close my eyes again, pressing my back against him, soaking in the warmth that almost seems to radiate off of him in comfortingly warm rays.

He pauses for a moment as if to think before I feel him tug gently on the small section of hair he still has in his possession. I am familiar with this rhythm of tugging and releasing. He’s braiding. “A few hours, it’s almost dark. Don’t worry. I got you excused from evening training. Sadly Septia wants a one-on-one with you later to check up on things.” When I turned back to look at him, he shrugged. “That’s all she said. Probably a lady code or something.”

Huffing with slight annoyance, I wrap my arm around him, though without moving my shoulders, it’s rather uncomfortable as my elbow was not meant to bend this way. I manage to wrap my hand around his waist.

He looks surprised for a moment at my movement before smiling softly, his eyes crinkling at the edges. His hand toys with the edge of his pocket as if playing with the idea of taking something out. I can see a small bit of the blue ribbon sticking out of the pocket.

Friends. My mind hisses at me. What are you doing? You’re just friends. This situation doesn’t give you an excuse for this. I’m right. There really is no excuse.

Withdrawing my hand from around Ans’ waist and sitting up, I accidentally yank the unfinished braid from his hands. “I should probably go check on Ayden,” I say, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and pulling on my shoes over the worn socks.

Squaring my jaw, I clench my teeth together and try to focus my eyes laser-sharp on tying the laces of the boots.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. My mind screams. Before I say anything else, I whirl out of my room, closing the door behind me, trying to ignore the lump of welled tears that have collected in my throat. They won’t go away, no matter how many times I try to will them out of existence.

Soon, they no longer stay in my throat, they pool in my eyes and overfill onto my cheeks. I try to keep my bottom lip from trembling by grasping it with my upper row of teeth, but it’s no use as my lip is wet with saliva and I continue to try in vain to grasp onto it.

[writer-and-artist27]

Miyako-bachan

The theme for this thing is Egao to Kimi ni, or, when translated, “To the Smiling You,” by Suzuko Mimori. The original version for Washio Sumi is A Hero or the shorter piano version done by YouTuber Hiumann works just fine. Because it’s such a nice song, and I couldn’t resist. -///- Even with the Yuki Yuna franchise being flawed like all heck with the ableism present in its magical girl system, the music and voice acting is still great.

Anywho.

The other song I’m going to mention here is actually My Neighbor Totoro’s Path of the Wind by Joe Hisashi, since Lang and Os both apparently see it as Tomoko’s theme. I’m surprised I totally missed that, but it works with all the classical orchestra cues! Hehe. ^_^

Copyright stuff. I don’t own anyone except Tomoko. Kei and Miyako belongs to @langwrites​ and Otoha to @owlsofstarlight​.

And to Os? This is my first time writing nonverbal cues and the like for Otoha, so feel free to correct me on anything.

Canonically takes place after How to Kill a Slimy Snake Man.

“To-To, you feeling better?”

Kuroha-san again. I was lucky. I really was. I wanted to hug them so much, if not for the fact that we had just finished what could be the biggest Group Hug out of all Group Hugs, and it was all out of thoughts of killing a Resident Snake.

What had the world come to. What had it come to, indeed.

Leo and Josh would probably be proud. I think.

Hisako simply shrugged when I leveled a questioning mental stare in her direction. Ninja world isn’t the best world, dear. Just take what you can get.

…Fair enough.

I wiped at my eyes as much as I could, trying not to sniffle. Crying for the entire day was not on my agenda. “Y-Yeah, better. A bit shaken, but better. You?”

A soft and reassuring dinosaur roar was my answer.

A giggle left my lips. How cute. At this point, I couldn’t think of a time where I would get tired of hearing replies like that. It was better than the ninja silence, so woo! “Of course, Osie. Of course.”

I didn’t have to look up to know Otoha was beaming and Kei was smirking. “‘Osie,’ huh?” Kei said softly, the smirk already seeping into her voice. “That was fast. Though, Tomo?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t you think you’re forgetting something?”

I wiped at my face a bit more with my hands to get rid of any remaining tear trails before trying to keep a level frown in Kei’s direction, because the warm fuzzies had already gone somewhere. “Forgetting what? We just talked about our latest Conspiracy Plot of killing a Creepy Slimy Snake Man, Kei, what else is there for us to do?”

“It’s not really something for us, but more you, Tomo,” Kei said with a small shrug of her shoulders, pointing at the hanging clock behind her with a thumb. “The Snake Man was way too distracting.”

“Um,” I said instead to fill in the silence, and over Otoha’s confused mumbling, I glanced at the clock. The seconds-hand was moving as usual, so what was the problem—

Wait.

Hisako nearly fell out of her chair and onto the library floor. You have training today, don’t you, Tomoko-chan? And it’s…

“It’s…after…1…in the afternoon…” was the slow response leaving my lips, and the hot coals were already flooding my face as butterflies started emerging from unseen chrysali in my stomach. “OH GOD!”

MIYAKO’S GOING TO KILL US!

It didn’t take long for the adrenaline to start coming in, and wearing a skirt was definitely not in this afternoon’s schedule. My cheeks were burning, but I needed to change, like now. Combat skirts were not a thing in Narutoverse, and I was not going to start making it a thing! Even if it was tempting! Mama would kill me first, all for ruining good clothes. “K-Kei, why didn’t you say it sooner?!”

Her only response was a quiet and perplexed, “I meant to say it earlier?” Emphasized with a raised pointer finger.

“THAT DOESN’T HELP!”

“T-To-To?” Otoha yelped. I couldn’t blame them for the reaction, since I ended up jumping to my feet before running over to my closet, narrowly avoiding accidentally kicking them. It took all I had to not slam the door open, instead putting in the least amount of force my emotions could allow while glancing over every single drawer and hanger I had in the area, because skirts could not become a thing in kenjutsu practice. Practice that I forgot about entirely. Frig.   

Aaaand without even being a sensor or looking behind me, my gut already knew that Kuroha-san was totally caught off guard. Aaaaaah, I needed to be better about this shit. Scheduling and sleeping late was one thing for Vy, a new life should’ve meant improvement! But nooooo, emotions had to be something else. Gosh darn it.

I probably could have worded it nicer, but what left my mouth instead was a rushed, “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, Kuroha-san, think you could look away with Kei while I change? I need to run over to meet Miyako-bachan for afternoon training with Hayate, and I still can’t believe I’m the doofus who got too emotional over an overpowered, useless snake and totally forgot about it in all that shit!” Because my closet was big and I still needed to find a good pair of sweatpants. I couldn’t even help letting out the loud and pitiful, “Baaaaah!”

Otoha’s only response was a yelp caught between a squeak and another dinosaur roar.

“And that’s why I meant to say it sooner if not for the Orochimaru issue…” Kei trailed off. Probably because I unintentionally let out a loud and mortified hiss. Cat-like, too. Aaaaah. Closet, closet, give me glass slippers and then I’d be off, so cooperate!

Tomoko-chan, breathe. Remember to breathe. Cinderella references aren’t going to help you calm down.

Aren’t you terrified too, Hisako? This is Miyako-bachan we’re talking about!

Who, last I checked, has never seen you late until now. And it’s only been… Hisako raised her left hand to count off fingers. Well, an hour, so it shouldn’t be too bad! First time’s for everything!

Welp.

Sure, the advice was nice, but bleh. The smile she was giving me didn’t help anything. It only made the butterflies in my stomach mutate into loud and angry vultures, hungry for my anxious entrails. I was lucky that Miyako-bachan wasn’t as hard on me like some other people, but still. Anxiety did not help anything.

Um, Hisako, it’s still an hour. And it’s MIYAKO-BACHAN.

…Point. Hope she won’t be angry?

In my haste, I ended up grabbing the nearest pair of pants I could find, being baggy blue shorts before pausing. Oooookay, this specific pair wasn’t in my best interest, considering the flecks of dirt covering the pockets from my last Gai-related training session, and considering my nearby…full laundry basket, um. So…

My gaze fell down to my bottom half, my hand tugging at the hem of my shirt. “Er, Kei? Silly question, but is Miyako-bachan okay with skirts? Because I forgot to do laundry.”

There was a pause as a hand made hard contact with a forehead behind me. It was obvious who it was. “Tomo, we have training gi. You could just go as you are right now.” She paused before adding, “Or I could just piggyback you back home?”

Uh. That was nice, but the stomach butterflies could beg to differ. Heavily. I did my best to swivel my head back to meet her questioning stare without rolling my eyes. “If not for the fact that I worry about throwing up over your shoulder, sure! Anyone have a magic cure for motion sickness?”

There was a soft crow caw as a response as a hand flapped in the air. Of course it was Otoha. “To-To, no. That’s not how chronic sickness works.”

“My point exactly, Kuroha-san. My point exactly.” I smoothed out my blouse, dusted off the back of my skirt, and glanced over my closet again before grabbing the nearest pair of clean exercise socks. Why, oh why, did I forget to do laundry today? Oh right. Snake man. Sucked ass. “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you two very much,” Kei and Otoha glanced at each other and shared a chuckle at that, “but I don’t want to get bile on you two! I set myself up for this, so I have to reap my mistake! Even if it means facing Miyako-bachan’s wrath!”

Maybe the fist pump was a bit much. Still, it was a good way of getting myself in the spirits to face the future, and once I grabbed a spare hair band for exercise, it was turning back and fully facing them. My best friends. There was one thing left. “So, uh. Well, you two can still follow me?”

Kei grinned widely before getting up from her seat cushion. “I still have to head back and look after Hayate, so that’s a given, Tomo.”

On the other hand, Kuroha-san blinked before letting out what sounded like a combo of her usual happy dinosaur trill and something more nervous. Huh? “I’m coming too!” The remark was said rather loudly too, so I couldn’t help but jump.

…What just happened? Hisako filled in for me.

Kei gave Otoha a confused glance. “Os? You okay?”

“Um. Yeah. Just fine!” Otoha gave us both a thumbs-up when it became obvious we were staring in her direction. It seemed alright, but Hisako’s quirked eyebrow was more than enough to express my concern. After the snake man, I had more than enough of an excuse to be fussy.

Staaaaaare.

“Uh.” Otoha waved their hands in the air vigorously, shaking their head all the while. “To-To, Kei-Kei, really, I’m fine. Promise!”

I closed my eyes, doing my best to not clench my jaw. Teasing and prodding wouldn’t get us anywhere, and the clock was ticking. Way too ominously. Gosh darn it. Miyako-bachan wouldn’t let me hear the end of it at this rate. “Well, the tables are turned now. But time is precious. Talk later, run now?”

Otoha nodded just as Kei snapped her fingers. “Yep. Still up for a piggyback, Tomo?”

Um. The answer was obvious. “Please, Kei. No.”

“It was an idea.”

“Again, no. Let me handle your mom’s anger, please?”

“You sure about this, Tomo?”

My hand was already resting on the doorknob when the question was posed. I took in a breath to steady myself. Running had become easier, considering I wasn’t sweating this time, buuuuuut. “...50% sure.”

Behind my right shoulder, Otoha interrupted with a quiet and vibrating, “Why 50%, To-To?”

Because she’s Izumi Curtis in a yukata and longer hair?

Instead of saying that, I blurted out a high-pitched squeak of, “Because Kei’s mom is a badass swordswoman and a wonderful teacher, but she’s still scary?”

Kei’s stare was already starting to burn holes into the back of my head. I couldn’t tell if it was worry or suspicion or both, considering how her stare was still unreadable sometimes. It almost felt like I could burst into flames alone from her stare. Aaaaah. “Tomo, I can handle Mom for you. You don’t have to worry.”

Sweet idea…buuuut.  

I turned back to shake my head, feeling the familiar heat flood my cheeks, this time of shame. “Kei, I’m an hour late. Even if I had emotional issues,” she gave me a raised eyebrow at this, but I continued, “that doesn’t change the fact that I’m late by more than an hour!” It took almost everything I had to not pace back and forth and keep my grip on the door handle. “I promised Miyako-bachan, and I missed it. I-I’m a bit scared, but I have to deal with it.”

Otoha and Kei’s stares in my head, from what I could see past my bangs anyways, spoke volumes of their disbelief. “To-To…” Another soft dinosaur trill graced my ears as soon as a hand reached over to squeeze my free left one, and I turned my head to meet Kuroha-san’s brown eyes. “It’s okay. Kei-Kei wouldn’t lie. We got your back.”

“Besides, Tomo,” Kei said softly, poking the back of my head with a finger, “Mom’s been fond of you for years. I don’t think she’s going to explode on you.”

“…I hope?”

Another poke to my head. Aaah. Kei was giving that same unimpressed look again. She wasn’t buying it. “Tomo. Just relax.”

I gulped, nodded, and turned back to the door. It didn’t take much to open it, but once the visage of a lavender yukata registered in the new space, I was already freezing.

She was standing right behind the door.

“Hello, Tomoko-chan,” Miyako-bachan said coolly, hands hidden away in her yukata sleeves. From what I could see of her face, she was completely stoic, giving away nothing as her gaze was level with mine. “I see Kei-chan is with you.”

Tomoko-chan, breathe. Breathe.

Of course my Nobody would notice that my lungs stopped taking in air first.

“Um,” I said instead, because a lump had surfaced in my throat and I could vaguely make out some shocked noises behind me that I knew wasn’t from Kei. Panic was already bubbling up in my gut like a volcano. Aaaaaaah. What was I supposed to say in the face of that? My mouth moved without thinking as I ducked my head.“Yeah. Um, Miyako-bachan, I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry! I met up with Kei and another friend—”

“Tomoko-chan.”

“We were talking for a long while, andIkindagottooemotionalandlosttrackoftime, soI’msosososorry—”

“Tomoko-chan.” A hand landed on top of my head, stopping the ramble right in its tracks. I tried not to flinch, closing my mouth in time to look up. Miyako-bachan only smiled serenely. “I am not angry.”

“…Oh?” was the rather intelligent answer from me.

“Surprised, but not angry,” she added in the same quiet voice, brushing a stray strand of hair back before glancing past me. “From the situation, I am assuming you and Kei-chan have made a new friend in your unexpected absence?”

“Yep!” Kei answered for me, rather proudly too. She had wrapped an arm around the now apparently frozen Otoha in the time it took for me to ramble like a dolt. “This is Kuroki Otoha, Mom! Our friend, fellow ninja and bookworm. Otoha, Mom. Mom, Otoha!”

“A-Also known as Kuroha-san?” I added sheepishly. “To me, anyways…” My voice cracked again.

If Miyako-bachan was surprised, she didn’t give off the impression of it. Instead, she lifted her hand from my head to smile broadly in Otoha’s direction. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Otoha-kun. Would you like to come in?”

“A-Ah,” Kuroha-san said simply, jaw clenched before putting up what looked like a crooked smile and a shaky wave of her hand as acknowledgement. The vibrating nod was hard to miss, and from the looks of it, it seemed like Otoha had lost all sense of words. Her mouth was on the edge of saying something affirmative, but with the wind behind us, nothing came out of it.

I glanced at Kei in question, but she only shrugged and squeezed Kuroha-san’s shoulders all the while, almost as if to steady her. Kuroha-san was still staring in Miyako-bachan’s direction with wide eyes and that clenched jaw.

Meanwhile, Miyako-bachan glanced between the three of us with that same smile. She wasn’t fazed, I’m guessing? “How about the three of you come in? I can prepare tea and some snacks.” She turned back around with a dainty step into the Gekkō household, and paused. “Tomoko-chan, be sure to talk to Wataru about training gi, alright? We will start as soon as you are ready.”

Hisako let out a small sigh. Of course. …Yep, knew she wasn’t going to let us out of this.

I still couldn’t stop myself from smiling because Miyako-bachan wasn’t angry. Thank the gods. Or Buddha. Or whoever. Because good luck was good luck. “O-Okay!” Maybe it was the stress. Or the fading heat of my cheeks. Still. I don’t even know where the name came from before it was already coming out of my mouth. “Thank you, Miyako-shishō!”

I could already feel Kei and Otoha’s surprised stares boring into my back. Aaaaaah, what the fuck did I just say. Sure, Miyako-bachan was pretty, awesome, and really well-off for a woman in Konoha, and I just respect her, okay?! Aaaaah.

Miyako-bachan visibly paused her walking pace back in the house. “Shishō?” Without wasting a single second, she turned her head to face me again, long black ponytail brushing her neck all the while, a smaller smile on her face. “Tomoko-chan, you don’t have to call me shishō.”

Oh gosh. “B-But you teach me a lot of things, Miyako-bachan, so you’re shishō to me too!”

Miyako-bachan’s smile broadened. “Oh, Tomoko-chan, come in and take off your sandals already. You will catch a cold if you stand out in the wind all day.”

More embarrassed heat. Aaaaah. I was so cheesy. My feet were already sweating. “Okay! I-I’m coming!”

Kei simply chuckled softly behind me. Otoha was still silent.

“Strike-one! Block! Backstep! Tomoko-chan, you are faltering! Keep a steady breath!”

“Hah! Hah!” The snap of a shinai in the air. “R-Roger that, Miyako-shishō!”

“Block again!”

“Hah!”

“Backstep! Backstep! Backstep! Strike-two! I did not hear a snap of the shinai, Tomoko-chan! Swing harder!”

“H-Hai, Miyako-shishō!”

“You can do it, Tomo-nee!”

Otoha was still staring out towards Miyako with wide eyes as Kei drank some of her green tea. Tomo was doing fine based on chakra alone, even with her iffy endurance, so it was time to focus on the other person in the vicinity. Miyako could take care of Hayate. “Something the matter, Otoha?”

The enby startled before turning to her with a sheepish smile. She waved her hand in the air as discreetly as she could, shaking her head to the previous question. “Okay. Just really really really happy, Lang-Lang,” was the mouthed response, and Kei nodded. It was a nonverbal moment. Alright. “You have—” Otoha paused at this, glancing back at the training session still going on between Miyako and Tomoko for a moment.

A moment of silence, aside from the snapping of shinai, Hayate’s cheering, and Miyako’s barked instructions, passed between the two.

“Os?” Kei whispered.

Otoha turned back to her with a big, shaky grin, vibrating in place on her seat cushion. “You have a really awesome mom, Kei-Kei.”

Kei grinned back. “Mom is awesome. I’m glad you like her.”

Otoha nodded vigorously, opening her mouth again. “I-I wanna cry, just a bit,” they mouthed. “Could I come here more often?”

“No one is saying no, Otoha,” Kei replies, the grin already making her cheeks hurt from how big it was on her face. “It’s always nice to have company.”

Otoha’s shoulders tensed just as her smile broadened, nodding hard again. “Th-Thank you, Lang-Lang,” was the silent, mouthed reply. Accentuated with another wave of a hand in the air. “Thank you.”

“No problem, Otoha,” Kei turned back to the training session with that same smile, holding back a snicker at the latest event going on. “No problem.”

“Tomoko-chan, your stance is too loose! Tighten your muscles!”

“H-Hai, Miyako-shishō!”

“Strike again!”

“HAH!”

Even with the hard swipe of Tomoko’s shinai in the air, Kei didn’t miss the small and happy dinosaur trill nearby. It was peaceful. Just as it should be.  

[femmesfollesnebraska]

Naida Mujkić , poet

Thrilled to feature the poetry of  Naida Mujkić along with an interview. Enjoy!

Where are you from? How did you get into creative work and what is your impetus for creating?

That is a a key philosophical question. J Where do we all come from? I was born in former Yugoslavia, but not as a free human being, you know, because in those 7 years of my life in that country, I didn’t have the right to my own language and to my identity, as the basic right of every human being. I survived the hell of a Bosnian war, and now I live in a maybe free small country  that goes by the name of Bosnia, but I also spent some time in Australia and Austria.

What moved me to be creative is the agony of the war. Sad, but true, as is was the main topic of my writing and my life, and its influence on the life of every woman who was lucky to survive. So many woman were raped, and abused in so many ways in the past 25 years in my country, and I felt the need to use the language of art to express the my pain and pain of others. It doesn’t hurt less if you share your pain with another person, but pain becomes bearable.

Tell me about your current/upcoming show/exhibit/book/project and why it’s important to you. What do you hope people get out of your work?

Well, last year I tried to write my first novel. And it went well, for that six months, but then I leave it aside and went back to writing poetry. Now I have been working on a book that I call “Old Clock” and it is a book of poetry that includes a lot of poems about migrants from Asia whom I spent some time every day in trains and buses while travelling to work. 

Does collaboration play a role in your work—whether with your community, artists or others? How so and how does this impact your work? 

Couple of years ago I started a female poets group with some of my female poets friends and students. “Euterepes poetes group” was the name of the group. We tried to write some themed poems (about mass graves) and then performed it in the streets and parks of our town. I could not imagine my writing without other writers and poets, and so far I have friends among them all around world.

Considering the political climate, how do you think the temperature is for the arts right now, what/how do you hope it may change or make a difference?

Hmm, from its early beginning, from Sumerian and Akkadian ancient literature till now – it seems to me it was never right temperature for art and artist. Even today in some countries artists are imprisoned (and even dies) because of their art, because of the way they see and describes this world. This winter my son asks me “What is eternal in this world?”, and at that moment I stopped and think and gave him that one answer that I could give “Art is eternal”. But, the main thing always was that art helped changed the way people think, it pushes humans to woke up and think about their role and meaning of their existence in our world.

Artist Wanda Ewing, who curated and titled the original LFF exhibit, examined the perspective of femininity and race in her work, and spoke positively of feminism, saying “yes, it is still relevant” to have exhibits and forums for women in art; does feminism play a role in your work?

Feminism and its ideas liberate woman across the world. It set us free from the male dominance, but of course there are so many things we need to do until we truly can say that we are equal to men in all the ways there are. Some time ago in my home town it was forbidden for woman to drive bicycle. Can you imagine that? But that change. And I wrote about it.  

Ewing’s advice to aspiring artists was “you’ve got to develop the skill of wen to listen and when not to;” and “Leave. Gain perspective.”  What is your favorite advice you have received or given?

First time I left my son with my parents for a couple of days, a strange woman I’ve accidentally met said to me “Separation is a part of growing up.” Time pass, my son is old enough to take care of himself, I have my writing and work, and everybody are happy.

-

The city of birds

I had a dream that I've moved

To the city of

Cockcatoo birds

They're bringing shells to my

Feet

And little hearts of wood

There was a seaweed there too                            

And a woman's rubber boot

In front of my doors

In fact

It only appeared to be a woman's boot

As it was red and tiny

And I picked up the heart

And got back to the house

Inside everything is dead

Flower paintings are growing into the walls

Dead curtains from which dust comes off

And lies in the light on the floor

There're no flies inside

Because the windows are covered with thick

Iron grids

Birds are not inside

What the hell could the birds

Be doing in the house?

Ever since I came to this house

The rain hasn't fallen

My lips are cracking

My arms are cracking

The eyeball front

Is cracking

Pencils in my hands are cracking

The bread in the pan has cracked

So I don't know if I should bake it

Or leave it to the birds

The next morning

I found letters in the mailbox

They were cracking in my hands

"Come back", it said

But now the birds wouldn't let me come back

They wanted to hurt me

And I wanted to give myself to them

Their eyes are mesmerising me

The sea

Gets into the cracks on my hands

I feel its mystery

 Reminiscence

There is a woman residing in my wardrobe.

In the morning, she thinks I am sleeping,

so on the tips of her fingers she gets into the kitchen.  

She opens the fridge. I hear the glimmering of milk

in her throat, I hear her yawning and wiping her lip,

I hear her stretching, and afterward

her fingers cracking the shell of egg and sipping.

She takes a look out of the kitchen window a little bit

and returns to the closet again on the tips of her fingers.

A floor is antique, broken up and sometimes it screaks.

When floor screaks, she pauses and bites for a lip.

Beneath her it is a puddle of blood that has my face.

But we do not meet there, because it is late for great love.

How many times have we been flourishing and falling?

That tastes of rotten herbs, and those brown spots that blaze.

Corpses of mornings under my bed.

Now she does not know whether to go back

into the closet or fall out of the window.

At the street, a man is singing an unknown melody:

rain comes ... black clouds string in the sky…

Mornings are shorter every day, and

our apples of the eyes are spreading, as usual,

demanding the passion that keeps us alive.

No one believes that an unknown woman lives in my wardrobe.

'Everything is fictional,' they say. Rivers of illusions. Anxiety.

Only a man who is singing under the window, with lost feelings,

sees the lines of two shadows.

 Little Shoes

As he took his hand out of her panties Italian licked every finger, she got up and went to the door – obviously, that needed to be done after they honored their part of the deal – and he said “come back”.

“Come back”, he said. “I did not measure your foot”.

Of course he did not have to measure her foot, she could have told him her size. He did not need to bother, it would be more practical. He held sewing measuring tape in his hand and she took of her boot with the help of a wooden floor. That took time, since she was not wearing any socks, so the boot sticked to her skin. She felt ashamed for her dirty shriveled leg – she always thought that hygiene reveals alot about little girls. In her case: that she did not spend much time in her house, and that her mother is more involved in other things.

How did they say goodbye? Did they shook hands? Kiss on her hair?  She could not remember.

But she saw his face covered with tiny hair, without wrinkles and cube chaped glasses that gave him serious framing, It was a fair face, one of those that you could let yourself to it freely. She thought how her life could have been diferent if she could see that at that point. But, that was a long time ago, in the last year of war, and she did not know much about shoe sizes, or about faces.

- 

Naida Mujkić (1984) Bosnian poetess. She holds PhD in Literature. She was a guest artist at Q21 Museumsquartier Wien and Goten Publishing Skopje. She published 6 books of poetry and over 30 scientific papers.

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current call for collaborative art-writing: http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/181376606692/lff-2019-artistpoet-collaborations

https://www.facebook.com/femmesfolles

[pbandjesse]

I love my scarf so much. I did not actually wear it outside at the house. I wear a jacket. But I've had that scarf on pretty much all day. It is the best scarf even if it sheds a lot.

Today was a good day I did not accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish but I did a lot. I slept really well last night. Had very bizarre dreams. But I got up and felt good. I woke up and had biscuits for breakfast. Got dressed and walk to the grocery store. I brought my grandma card and bought lots of food for the week. I am trying to eat at home more this week. Especially since my hours are very weird. I wandered around for a bit and then went home. I am packed everything and then I had it over to Eddie's to get a couple things I can't get at streets Market. I biked over to Eddie's though and was only there for a couple minutes. I still need to get milk and I'll probably have to get eggs at some point but for now it's fine. I used my heart boiled egg cooker to while I was gone and didn't check the eggs but I'm assuming they're okay. I'm very excited about my hard-boiled egg maker though and I really hope that I can figure out the best time frame to leave them in there to cook.

Once I got everything unpacked I made lunch. I rested for a little while and made some plans. And then I headed out to go catch the bus. I left a little bit earlier than I really need to because I wanted to get the earlier bus just in case. I think I am going to be able to get away with getting the 12:30 bus. But just so that I get used to when I'm getting off going 20 minutes early. It's nice that that bus runs so often though.

It was nice and sunny out. There's a chill in the air but I was never uncomfortable or anything. In either direction. Hot or cold. I had a nice talk with an old man at the bus stop. And then the bus came. And it was a nice ride. It's like a 25-minute ride and it's very comfortable. I got up to Wildwood and like I said I was like a half an hour early. So I walked around the neighborhood.

The neighborhood very much reminds me of Mayfair in Philadelphia. It's mostly row houses with little front yards. Lot of Old Stone. In the direct neighborhood it's all houses in churches. There's not even a corner store. I think maybe at some point I'll try to wander out a little bit farther and see if there's somewhere to eat. Now that I really plan on it but just in case something happens and I have to get something close by.

When I got there Fitsum was already there and said that Tiffany wasn't in yet. So we sat in the waiting room and talked. We accidentally both were wearing the same outfit. Well not exactly. We're both wearing brown jackets and are in shirts. And I made us laugh. It seems like we are going to be together but it's still unclear at this point. I hope we do though because he's a sweetheart. Tiffany came and found us because it turned out she was there. But it was no big deal. We went back to your office and did a bunch of paperwork. Went through how are lesson plan is going to work. And I feel so excited about it. I was pretty nervous at first but now that all my questions are answered I'm like excited. And I have so many ideas. I've written 8 months of vague themes and topics in my tablet. I think I'm just going to keep everything on my Google Drive since now I paid for it for the year anyway. I was considering getting a Chromebook since I'm going to have to be doing a lot of writing. But instead since my tablet doesn't work very well I just decided to buy a Bluetooth keyboard for it. So that should be here on Thursday. And then I can actually do my lesson plans for real. I feel very excited.

We just did a lot of going through packets and making sure all of our paperwork was good and it was just nice to be able to honestly answer questions and not have to feel silly for wanting clarity. I got my direct deposit setup and we have to take 15 hours of professional development courses over the school year. And so she help me setup my account for that. And I was able to get into the CPR first aid training class on Friday morning. So I get my first three hours of PD in and I'm excited to have that certificate my record. Even though it was a little bit of a hassle trying to figure out how to make an account for some reason. They make it like all secret like.

After we finished all of her paperwork and spent a lot of time discussing how things go. We did another walk around the building. This time we actually got to meet the other teachers that we may be working with or will be the team with the 5th graders. They were both really nice and I would be equally as excited to work with them. I think it might be nice though to have a blank slate with the new class with fitsum and there won't be a weird power Dynamic there. Of having a current teacher and a new teacher. But regardless the students were there too. They were all so sweet. They liked my jacket and they asked me if I could teach him how to sew and they asked me about other different projects that they were interested in doing. And it was just so cool they were so engaged and so sweet. I'm really excited to get to work with them. There was a couple big personalities but in the best ways. I'm very excited for this opportunity. I really think that this is going to be the exact thing I've been looking for. The rest of my jobs and lives are going to have to sort themselves out. Maybe I'll slow down my work at the BMI and take my mornings for myself. Or maybe I won't and maybe I'll still do exactly what I'm doing now. I just don't want to burn out. I want to really enjoy being able to teach and museums and do all the things that I do. But today really made me excited for going forward.

Fitsum was nice enough to give me a ride again. I'm going to have to figure out a way to tell him I will give him money. Because him giving me a ride back is saving me like $16 every time. It's like even if I throw him like 20 bucks a week or something. It would be worth it to me. You also just lose them walking into my apartment though so I think he just it is being kind and just giving you rides. But I don't want to take advantage he's so nice. I really just hope that we become friends too cuz I think he's a really cool guy. He was telling me some about working in Ethiopia and the culture there. And I'm curious to learn more.

Once I got home I have kind of a going back and forth doing things all night. I watched the new Shane Dawson documentary series. And I ate snacks. I've been eating snacks all night. I work in my studio for a while. I played with the new Furbys. They both had some corrosion inside of them from their batteries leaking so I had to clean that up with vinegar. But they're both working just fine and they were chatting with each other. They do make that high-pitched screeching sound that I read about. So I may take them apart and disconnect the wires. Honestly I might disconnect all of their speaking wires because I'm not super a fan of their voices. But I still think they're very cute. I like the way that they move they're very active. So I think painting with them is going to be really interesting.

I talked to James for a little while he's at his apartment having a D&D night. I think I just have too much social anxiety to participate. I told him I would be a guest are at some point but I just don't know if I could play with them and feel comfortable enough to do it. But we'll see I don't know. I like doing it one on one with James that one time though I hope we can do that again cuz I did enjoy that.

I did fall down the stairs. I hurt my hand a little bit but I'm okay. I mostly just scared me. I took a shower and wash my hair. And it's just chilling at my apartment and I'm wearing Chenille socks and leggings and I feel very cozy. I think I'm going to switch my stuff for work into my new work tote bag. That I have gotten from my causebox. It's such a pretty bag and I think it's going to be perfect for carrying all my papers and things. And it stands so I feel like if it gets paint on it and stuff it'll be cool. I think now though I'm going to start winding down for bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow and try to get some more done. And then I have to go over to Northern Parkway to get my fingerprints done for the city to get an ID and a background check. And then I have to go to Wildwood at 12:30 for staff meeting. I'm very excited for that I think it's going to be very fun. I'm excited too more formally meet everyone. So I hope it's just another really nice day. I hope you guys all have a great night and sleep well. Be safe out there. Be kind

[goodguidanceptc]

Louisville IM Race Report October 14, 2018

Welcome coaches, training buddies, close friends and masochists/insomniacs. As with prior race reports, be warned that this post contains STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:

Abstract:

Read the Athlete Guide. Always. Miserable cold and wet conditions. Water temp warmer than air temp, wetsuit legal. Absurd Swim (shortened due to aggressive current); T1 was all about gear choices; Adequate Bike under demanding conditions; T2 was also all about gear choices; Tough Run. Two key takeaways: 1) Read the Athlete Guide; 2) I haven't quite properly calibrated in-race fueling.

Total race time result = 10:18*

* Under grossly dis-humane weather conditions and my own flubs, that is a good result...with which I am completely unsatisfied. A no-surprise, well-managed bike and a somewhat uneven run (matched stand-alone marathon result). Feel free to stop reading now.

Pre-Race (aka: “the Dumbening”)

I cannot emphasize strongly enough: no matter how many races you’ve done, how confident you may be in knowing the procedures, the timing, the places, etc... read and re-read the Athlete Guide.

So although I cannot provide details, just know that I--through my own dumbness--was told to acquire my timing chip in T1 after an official manually noted my swim start time, while standing on the dock to jump into the Ohio River. Clearly communicated in multiple places: check-in closes at 5pm Friday. 

Brief rewind: woke up, standard pre-race breakfast, uneventful gear check and load bottles onto bike, walked over to Swim in. Shoulda found an IM staffer then, but didn’t think. Just didn't think it through; too cold and pre-race- process oriented. Got a little tunnel vision to get to the front of the self-seeded “1-1:10″ swim line. 

Announcer: The current is so strong, some of the pros were struggling to get up river. Swim shortened to .9 mile, in other words an Olympic distance. Race delayed. 

Some squats to stay warm, chat up some folks in line, never once thought to go  get my chip before passing though that big black arch.

Swim (:18 min or 1:18/100 pace)

I swear to you by all the barge traffic and catfish whiskers in the Ohio River, there is no way I was in that river for 18 minutes. More on this in T1. Feet first into the river, sight that first buoy and...

Ever look through a kaleidoscope? Or imagine a Disney version of puke from a flying whale?  The view from my goggles was: 

[Kayaks + swim caps + buoys]

X

(river current exceeding posted speed limits) 

= 

flying Disney whale puke (as I imagine it rendered)

Just utter chaos. I aimed for the big wall, hit the metal steps and out. To quote one of my training partners, “My hair barely got wet.”

T1 (9:20)

Up the steps and skipped the peelers. Rationale: stay as warm as possible as long as possible. Jogged to changing tent, quickly passed the clumping “under 1 hour” swimmers, grabbed a chair near the exit.

Decision time on what to wear and how much skin to cover for the bike. I went with 100% coverage. Socks, thermal legs, long sleeves, gloves, balaclava. Plastic bag under the jersey and five of those little hand warmers hunters use (squeeze and shake for 6+ hours warming) in my back jersey pockets.

Out to bike rack, unhook and... it’s find-my-chip time. Found an IM staffer who radioed multiple people before finally sending me past the Bike Out arch to where the chip folks were.

I.  Stood. There.  Forrr -- evv -- errr. 

Trying to alleviate my own frustration and anxiety, I literally put my head in my hands and made Hulk sounds.

Now, even in my adrenalized and hyper-performance-oriented state, I remember that I brought this shit on myself. So any expectation of special treatment, expedited problem-solving or what I call the lack of a “hop to!” by IM staffers simply cannot be criticized.  This crapola? All.  On.  Me.

Furthermore, I'm grateful. (Check prior race reports, if you must. OR just trust me when I say that...) I thank all the volunteers and cops and EMTs and Traffic Management and general staff within earshot. No matter what speed I’m biking or running. Seriously. I’m all about appreciation.

All that said, Swim and T1 times are clearly inaccurate. Although IM staff noted the time of day I jumped into the water, another IM staffer wrote my time on a clipboard when they activated my chip and yet another other IM staff told me they’d estimate my T1 time. But I didn’t know precisely where to go in T1. So I lingered.

[So again: read the Athlete Guide.]

And if you are ever in that situation--which I guaran-frikkin-tee you I will NEVER be--I recommend you DO NOT stop to ask questions. Continue until you happen upon the chip folks. Worst case: you miss them and back track... the biking equivalent of going back to get dropped nutrition.

Bike (5:43)

While I definitely did not feel myself relax heading down River Road, I did feel a certain familiar comfort. I’d ridden this course a few times so even in the cold, wet wind, I was pretty confident I could manage the bike.

In the spirit of gratitude, whether passing or getting passed, I try to say something positive (looking good, go git some, stay strong).

Even on a hilly course, I ended up pacing with a few others. I try to be sensitive to any ‘gamesmanship’ (I’m not trying to get in your head competitively) but I'm definitely chatty. And the cold and wet just invited comment, even if only to distract from the misery.

Stick out and first loop was uneventful other than the number of people shivering on the sides of the route. Second loop had more than a few cars on course that seemed patient and considerate (relatively, IMO) but still required careful negotiations.

A FEW FIRSTS FOR ME

BLINDING ANGER. I admit I might have been “kicking the cat” but I’ve never experienced this on course.

On the back side of the loop, in the narrow stretch of blacktop through the small neighborhood just after the long descent out of La Grange, there’s short, steep descent with a well-marked/painted “BUMP” before a short, steep uphill. I’m a technically strong and confident cyclist so getting through here on the first loop was a piece of cake. Second time though, there was a hefty pack of windbreakers weaving(!) across the entire width of the road. Despite shouting “on your left” repeatedly and loudly, I had to brake. On an uphill. Dropped my chain. Nearly fell. Unclipped.  All in the tiny 8ish yards of that short ascent. 

What did I do? Stood there trying to get my chain back on and swearing profusely that dickhead bucket-listers with fucking no fucking business fucking leaving their fucking strip-mall periodontist practices should fucking learn to handle their goddamn bikes.

As I passed them on the descent towards the hay-bale bullseye, I gently advised them about blocking, race etiquette and having some goddamn self-awareness. In my defense, I averaged very nearly 20mph that day. And when I accidentally felt somebody too close as they passed, I always apologized. In retrospect, I’m sorry I was that guy right then. 

PROFOUND SOLITUDE Stay with me as I get a little bing-bongy here... At the split to repeat the loop or return on the stick, most folks (the fat part of the bell curve) go left for their second loop.  I was returning on the stick. 

Suddenly I was not saying or hearing “on your left” or listening for the difference between aero wheels or a passing car. 

I was alone. Like the guy in that Robert Frost poem. Miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. And the mental chatter started. Cold. Grey. Wet. Stupid. Wasteful. What ego on you, chump. Clips from Moby Dick, Chapter 96. Burning ship, drove on to some vengeful deed. Gloom. There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. ee cummings A Leaf Falls. 

[Stop wasting your time with this race report. Go read some actual writers.]

Even my mantras had abandoned me. I may have started singing or rapping something from my training playlist to shut down the negative chatter. And that’s about when I realized how well I was managing this bike leg. I think that’s called a paradox.

DON’T BLOW IT NOW Somewhere along one of the last ascents, I realized that I’d dressed properly! Coach Robbie’s advice for plastic grocery bag was spot on. Sure the toes and fingers were cold, but functional. Ears and neck felt okay and core temp was a non-issue. I wondered if I’d taken enough calories (thought: probably) but come on! I’d handled some real shitball conditions pretty well. 

T2 (8:49)

Pulled off everything soaking wet except kit shorts. Replaced with dry thermal long-sleeve top, dry hat, dry gloves. Run belt, bottle, dry socks, shoes. Go.

While neither T1 or T2 were very fast, I really didn’t linger in the warmth. I remember thinking, “Take two deep breaths, make this decision and move it.” In other words, time was spent actually changing clothes.

BTW, Transition volunteers? True Guardian Bros. Can’t thank em enough.

Run (3:58 aka: avg 9:03/mi)

Two MAJOR joyous moments within the first mile:

1) As we’d pre-planned, my unbelievably awesome wife told me I was 18 minutes behind a podium slot. She told me later that I barked, “FUCK!” Regardless, I steal a kiss every race.  Better than a GU and just as sweet. [Yes she reads these. Wink!] 

2) Coincidentally, she was standing a few feet from Coach Robbie (C26), who I recognized but accidentally called Mike (his podcast co-host who I knew was on course). I think I shook his hand? Or maybe just shouted a happy shout?

So those two intercepts helped make the first 25% of the run all good.  I kept turning down the pace because, as Coach Robbie has said, “your legs are lying to you.”

Then all that good ju-ju abandoned me like buoys on the Ohio River on the backside of the first loop.

I’d dropped my Infinit before finishing the entire first 24oz bottle. Why not stop and get it? I got no good rational answer. Ditched hat and gloves and actually rolled up my sleeves. My legs and shoes were soaked. (Walk-peeing wasn’t doing me any favors.) 

I felt better once I had another bottle from my Special Needs bag, but by then I’d already burned my biscuits (another C26 gem) so I was well below my planned and expected 8:40/mile pace.

I may have even cried a little. Apologies to extremely helpful volunteer who graciously ignored a grown-ass man losing his shit. I KNOW i was talking to myself, “It’s all in your head. Move it.” and other more terrible words.

The last 25% in-bound was an exercise in utter stubbornness. Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade and tons of verbal self-flagellation to keep going. I sincerely believe I passed two guys in my AG out of pure self-loathing.

The Fourth Street Live finish lived up to the hype. There’s photographic evidence that I actually smiled as I crossed and nearly collapsed (again, super kudos to the volunteers). I was wheeled straight to medical, shivering and borderline shock-ey. Broth, blankets, checked vitals (core temp too low). As planned, Susan brought me multiple layers of dry clothes. Changed. Got my mental shit together after finding out I’d finished 16th. Gold star to Al V., the med tent massage therapist. Another Guardian Bro.  Limped home.

OVERALL RACE GRADE: PASS

As with prior races, IM-LOU yielded incremental improvements in all racing phases. As I said at the top, this was a good result, with which I am completely unsatisfied.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly yes. 

Did I KQ? Unequivocal NO. Not even close.

There is clearly opportunity for additional incremental improvements to all five aspects of my racing:

Swim pace was an anomaly. 3x/wk in the lap pool could be improved by 2x/wk in endless pool.

Bike power was lost due to shitass Garmin tech. But from what I remember, I was mostly high Z2 with relatively few power spikes given the course and conditions. I definitely managed the bike with patience and smarts.

Run suffered due to fueling strategy that is just not... quite...perfected. And again, deplorable conditions.

Fuel strategy. I over corrected from IM-AZ (early run GI problems). Calories, liquids (no solids) and delivery method feels right. Timing around T2 needs tweaking.

Transitions were what they were. MY dumbassery in T1 was offset by my smart gear decisions.

See you in New Zealand in March, 2019!

WITH GRATITUDE FOR...

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Klebacha and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners, including but not limited to the TriFam, the Well-Fit Elite Team (too many bad-asses to list but special GOLD STARS to LIZ and LAURA) and other triathlete rockstars like Nic, Dana, Andrew, John, James, Tony, and all the Pauls and Mikes.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, FFC, UIC, Whitney Young, Get-A-Grip, Live Grit, Fleet Feet, the Lakeshore path, Louisville Landsharks.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.

Special thanks and appreciation to Bernie Mc for the most amazing on course support. Extra special Top Marks to Bernie!

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. Thanks for reading.

[strawnarrries]

Hi idk if your doing requests or not. But if you are can you please do a part two of the harry smut vibrating where y/n accidentally puts the panties on and they both go and stop at Harry’s parents house and before they leave Harry realises and decides to have some fun. Thank you ❤️

Warning(s): sexy timeeee

Thank you so much for your request. I hope you love it.

If you’d like to request a one shot or just talk to me, click here ! I love hearing from you all :) 

Want to read part 1 first? Click here.

My POV

My eyes fluttered open to the setting sun in the sky. Winter time was coming and the days were shorter. After stretching my limbs, I looked over at the clock on my bedside table and saw that the time was 6:13 PM. 

“Shit! Harry wake up!” I shook my sleeping husband next to me before throwing off the blankets and rushing to our walk-in closet. 

Harry and I got invited to dinner at Anne’s house. We haven’t seen Anne for months and were excited to finally see her. Gemma, her husband, and their little boy were also going to be there. 

We were told to be there at around 6:30 and we already were running late. We had just gotten to London after many weeks in LA. Jetlag was still killing us so we decided to take a little nap and of course, we overslept. Anne was never picky about us being late, especially in laid-back situations like this, but we still didn’t want to be late. 

Quickly reaching into my dresser drawer that held all my clean socks and panties, I grabbed the first ones I saw. They were black and lace. I then grabbed a random tshirt and a pair of jeans.  Rushing back to our room to see if Harry had gotten up yet, my clothes were threatening to fall from my arms. Harry was still snuggled up under the covers but in a different position than when I last saw him. 

“Harry! Get up! We’re gonna be late!” I yelled him as I began to slip off my clothes.

“Wha’?” he squinted, his voice deep and raspy. 

“We have dinner with your mom tonight remember?” I told him, slipping on my black, lace panties. 

“Fuck.” he mumbled to himself, throwing the covers off his body and racing to the closet. 

I quickly finished getting dressed before rushing to the bathroom to at least make myself look presentable. I sat at my vanity, put on a little bit of mascara and fixed up my hair just as Harry walked out of the closet, standing in front of the mirror and running his fingers through his curly locks.

“Ready, babe?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” I mumbled, doing my finishing touches, “Let’s go.“ 

“Ya look pretty.” he smiled at me as we made our way downstairs. 

“Awh thanks, baby. You do too.” I grinned. 

Once we made it downstairs, we quickly slipped on our shoes and grabbed our things before hopping into the car. Once we were settled and on the road, he placed a hand on my thigh lovingly as we listened to the radio together. 

Soon enough we made it to Anne’s house. We were about 15 minutes late but we knew Anne wouldn’t mind that much. Walking up to the front door, we knocked and she answered shortly after. 

“Hi! Come in! I’ve missed you all!” she greeted both of us as we walked through the door. 

“Anne, hey! We’ve missed you too!” I greeted back.

“Sorry we’re late. We took a little nap and didn’t wake up to our alarm.” I explained. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Food’s not even done yet.” she smiled.

“Oh good.” I chuckled softly.

“Hi, baby.” she greeted her son sweetly, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Hi mum.” he smiled back, hugging her tightly and giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

“How are you all? Doing well?” she asked as we took off our shoes.

“We’re good. How are you mum?” Harry answered for both of us. 

“’m good. ’m doing well.“ 

“Good.” I smiled before we all walked into the living room where Gemma and her family was sitting. 

Gemma’s little boy was sitting on the floor, playing with some of his trains while Gemma and her husband, Michal. 

“Hey, buddy! I missed you!” I cooed to my almost 4-year-old nephew. 

“Aunt (Y/N)!” He yelled, running over to me and giving me a quick hug before he gave Harry one. 

“Hey, bub.” Harry smiled at him before he ran over to his trains again, getting distracted. 

“Hey Gem!” I greeted my sister-in-law with a big hug while Harry greeted Michal with a “bro hug”. 

“Hey, (Y/N). How’vya been!” She asked. 

“Good. ’m glad t’ be back in London. It’s so cold here though.” 

“It is. It was like 15 degrees yesterday. It was awful.” She giggled back in response. 

“Hey Michal, how are you?” I greeted, pulling him into a hug as Harry greeted his sister. 

“Good. ’m good.” He smiled. 

“Oh good.” I smiled. 

After everyone greeted everyone, we all sat down on the couch. 

“The food ’s almost ready so we’ll eat soon.” Anne announced.

We all began to catch up waiting for the food to be done. It was so great to finally see Harry’s family again. We haven’t seen them in what feels like forever and both Harry and I are very happy to see them again. 

Minutes into our conversation, the oven dinged. 

“Ooh, I think that’s the bread.” Anne exclaimed, standing up and making her way to the kitchen.

“’m gonna go help your mom.” I told Harry. 

“Kay, babe.” 

“I am too.” Gemma added before we both stood up and made our way to the kitchen to help Anne with the rest of the cooking. 

Harry’s POV

Both the girls left, leaving me and Michal. We continued to talk before we heard Gemma yell, “Food’s ready!“ 

We both stood up and Michal grabbed his little boy, Tommy, before we made our way to the kitchen. As we walked into the kitchen, the delicious smell of Mum’s famous dinner filled my nose as I saw the three girls working away at getting everything set up.

"Can yeh make T’s plate fo’ me, babe?” Gemma asked her husband as she turned off the stove. 

“Sure." 

"I’m getting the plates right now.” (Y/N) mentioned. 

As she reached up to grab a stack of plates from the cabinet, her shirt rose, showing a bit of skin. You could see the elastic band of her black, lacey panties. It wasn’t just any pair of panties. It was the vibrating panties I bought to punish her a few weeks ago. She must’ve accidentally put them on. This could be fun.  Remembering when I put the remote in her purse because I didn’t want to hold it, I prayed that it was still in there and she hadn’t taken it out. Walking up behind her, I slipped my fingers past the waistband of her jeans and pulled them up for her so her panties weren’t showing anymore. 

“What’re you-” she turned around and gave me a confused look and I answered her before she could finish her question.

“Could see your underwear.” I muttered to her. 

“Oh, thanks babe.” she giggled turning around and continuing what she was doing. 

“Also, your bum looks good in those jeans.” I leaned down to whisper in her ear. 

“Stop!” she whisper/yelled to me, smacking my arm playfully.

I chuckled at her response.

I sneaked out of the kitchen and went to find her purse. Digging through it, a miracle happened and it was still in the front pocket right where I had put it a couple weeks ago. Smirking to myself, I slipped the remote into my pocket, preparing for a fun night.

My POV

Everyone was finally settled at the dinner table, digging into our delicious food. 

“Ooh, Anne, this ’s good.” I complimented as flavor flooded my taste-buds and everyone agreed with me. 

“Is it really? I was afraid I cooked it too long.” she admitted. 

“No, it’s really good.” Michal added. 

A new conversation began to bloom as we ate. In the middle of dinner, a buzzing began in between my legs. My eyes widened for a split second as I realized what was happening. Did I put on the vibrating pair of underwear and did Harry know? 

I have a pair of panties that look just like the vibrating ones and I guess I didn’t realize I picked up the ones with the bullet vibrator in them and not my regular black, lacey ones. How could I not feel the vibrator though? I guess I was too rushed to notice because I didn’t want to be late. Fuck, I’m in for a wild ride tonight.

Giving Harry a side glare, he smirked softly. I noticed that his hand was in his pocket. He was definitely behind this… But how did he get the remote and how did he know I was wearing them? Wait, he must’ve noticed when I reached for the plates. Fuck, but again, how did he get the remote? 

“How did you get the remote?” I mumbled to him in the middle of the conversation. 

“Found it in your purse.” He mumbled back and I took another bite of my chicken. 

The intensity of the vibrations increased and I could feel a moan wanting to escape. Grabbing my glass of water, I took a sip and swallowed it down. I continued to eat, trying not to focus on my growing orgasm. 

Taking another sip of my water, he turned up the intensity and my breath hitched in my throat, causing me to almost choke on my water that was sliding down my throat. 

“Yeh alright, (Y/N)?” Michal grinned at me.

“Yeah, just went down the wrong pipe.” I chuckled back, feeling my cheeks burn a soft shade of pink.

He nodded and smiled. The conversation continued and I was praying no one ever noticed a thing. We continued to eat and talk while I suffered quietly. I felt the urge to moan but I knew I couldn’t make even the little sound. We weren’t in a crowded restaurant like last time so every tiny noise I make would be heard. 

Placing a hand on his jean-clad thigh, I dug my fingernails into his skin, silently telling him to turn it off. Just like last time, he didn’t answer me, just turned up the intensity of the vibrations to the highest setting.

Gemma was talking about some kid at Tommy’s preschool just before Anne asked, “So, when am I getting a grandchild from you two, hmm?" 

I was very taken back by her question, especially because of what was happening under the table. Did she know?

"Mmm, we’ve thought about it, haven’t we Harry?” I stared at my husband, wide-eyed and a fake smile on my lips.

“Yeah, plenty of times. We’d like to have kids someday. Maybe we’ll make one tonight, who knows?” Harry shrugged and I turned my head swiftly and glared at him. Everyone giggled at my reaction.

“Okay, none of that, Harry.” Anne scolded, shaking her head at her immature, grown-man son. 

That conversation resided and a new one started. As time went on, my orgasm got closer and closer. Was he really gonna make me cum right now? He’s fucking insane. 

I stuffed my mouth with food, in fear that a moan would escape. I stared at my plate and refused to make eye-contact with anyone, in fear that they would notice. My orgasm exploded and pleasure filled my body. My every muscle clenched and my thighs shook. My fingers dug roughly into the skin of his wrist. I’d be surprised if I didn’t draw a little blood. It was so hard to try to act like I wasn’t literally fucking orgasming right in front of everyone. 

Fortunately, I made it through with no noise escaping my mouth. I swallowed down my food as my orgasm faded away. I was just praying that no one noticed. I would be mortified. I slowly let out a soft breath, trying not to breathe too heavily in my aftermath. 

I glared at him with sharp eyes and he smirked smugly back at me. The rest of dinner went smoothly. We continued to talk and laugh. Once we all were finished eating, I was the first one to stand up.

“Dinner was really good, thanks, Anne.” I smiled as I stood up, taking my plate with me while everyone agreed and mocked my actions.

Walking into the kitchen, I set my plate into the sink, grabbing everyone else’s from their hands and placing them in the sink as well. I turned on the water and soaked all the plates so they would be easier to clean later.

“Thank you fo’ doin’ that, (Y/N). I appreciate it.” Anne thanked me.

“You’re welcome.” I smiled. 

We all went back into the family room and sat down on the couches, continuing our random conversation. About halfway through our conversation, I felt the buzzing again. Really? And we’re not under a table so any movement I made with my legs would be noticeable. 

I looked at Harry and gave him a sad look, hoping he’ll feel bad and turn it off so I won’t embarrass myself in front of his family. I was really close to his family but if they found out what was really happening. I’d never leave my house. 

He decided to be a dick and giggle at me, pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead. I rolled my eyes and looked away. As the pleasure increased, I felt the moans begin to want to come out. I bit my lip and tried to speak as little as possible. I grabbed the pillow that was set next to me, placing it on my lap and squeezing it hard. My orgasm was quickly rising and I bobbed my legs up and down, trying to hide the fact that they were shaking immensely. 

“(Y/N), are you okay? Why do you keep doing that with your legs?” Gemma giggled. 

“My feet keep falling asleep. I’m trying to wake it up.” I giggled back, lying straight through my teeth. 

“Oh okay.” she nodded. 

The conversation continued from there. 

“(Y/N)! Play twains wi’ me!” Tommy demanded, jumping up and down in front of me. 

“Okay, babe.” I smiled and he grabbed my hand, pulling me. 

“Turn it off!” I mouthed to Harry, glaring at him roughly. 

He obeyed my actions and the vibrations stopped. I sighed softly and tried to ignore the huge throbbing between my legs. I sat down on the floor next to Tommy and played his game with him; being engaged in the conversation as well. 

After a while, Tommy stood up and rushed over to Gemma, “Mummy, where my iPad?" 

Gemma didn’t answer him, just reaching over and grabbing his iPad off of the table, handing it to him. 

"T'ank you.” he hummed softly, grabbing it from her hand. 

Tommy ran over to Harry, sitting next to him on the couch. Beginning to show Harry his learning game, I stood up and sat back down on the couch next to them, realizing that he wasn’t interested with me anymore.

The night when on and I occasionally tickled or teased Tommy, causing him to giggle as he played his word game and me and Harry helped him pass some levels while all the adults talked about something random.

“Michal, we gotta get goin’. Tommy’s bedtime is soon.” Gemma told her husband. 

“Okay, babe.” Michal responded. 

Our conversation slowly ended after that. Soon enough we all were at the door, saying our goodbyes to Gemma, Michal, and Tommy. 

“Bye Tommy, I’ll come see you soon, okay?” I said to my nephew in Gemma’s arms. 

“And pway twains?” he asked adorably. 

“Of course.” I smiled. 

“Bye Gem, I’ll see ya soon.” I smiled as she stepped out the door. 

“Bye.” she smiled. 

“Bye Michal!” I smiled at him as he followed Gemma. 

“Bye!” he grinned. They made their way to the car and left before Harry, Anne, an I went back inside. Sitting back down on the couch, we carried on our conversation. Luckily, throughout the rest of the night, there were no vibrations between my legs. It was getting late and it was time for us to go. 

“Thank you for everything Anne.” I smiled, giving her one last hug.

“Of course, anytime.” she smiled. 

“Thank you.” Harry hummed, hugging her after me. 

“Come see me again, yeah?” she told us as we stepped out the door. 

“Of course.” I giggled. 

“Bye. I love you both.” she smiled as we began our journey to the car. 

“We love you too, Mum.” Harry answered for both us. 

We hopped in the car, turning it on and doing our final waves before driving off. 

“Again? Really? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yelled at him once we were on the road and out of sight of our family, “I didn’t even do anything to you either!” 

He giggled as I shoved him gently when we stopped at a stop sign. 

“Really, why did you do that! That was even harder than when we were in the restaurant!” I yelled at him, pretending to be angry. 

“I wanted t’ have fun. I like seeing you suffer like that. It’s sexy.” he teased. 

“You’re fucking rude!” I yelled again, slumping back in my seat and crossing my arms, trying not to giggle. 

The whole car ride there weren’t many words spoken. Only a few. Harry sang along to the radio while I stared out the window, admiring everything we passed. Soon enough we got home and pulled into our garage. After Harry turned the car off and unlocked the door, I took off my seatbelt and opened the door, getting out with my purse in my hands; Harry followed shortly after me.

Walking through the door, we both slipped off our shoes in silence. Turning around, we made eye-contact and I narrowed my eyes at him jokingly. 

“That’s so fuckin’ hot.” he shook his head before taking a step towards me. Cupping my face, he crashed his soft lips onto mine.

“I hate you so much.” I mumbled against his lips. 

He chuckled softly before moving his hands down to cup the back of my thighs, acknowledging for me to jump onto his waist. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. 

Attaching my lips to his neck, I pressed sweet, open-mouthed kiss to his soft skin as he made his way upstairs to our shared bedroom. Once we made it to the room, he walked in and closed the door behind him with his clothed foot. He set me down on my own two feet, pressing me up against the grey, painted wall. One of his arms were pressed against the wall next to the side of my head while the other was wrapped around my waist, cupping the small of my back. His lips moved against mine while his tongue explored my mouth. My hands ran through his soft hair as his fingertips skimmed the hem of my shirt. Harry pulled up my shirt and I lifted my arms, letting him take off my top. He tossed it to the side and smirked at the sight of the swell of my breasts peaking out of my plain, black bra. 

He hummed, reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra. Letting the straps slide down my arms, Harry took my bra, dropping it with my shirt. My breasts were revealed to him and the cool air. I felt my nipples harden as he cupped both breasts, massaging them gently in his big palms. 

“s’ fuckin’ pretty.” he grinned at me. 

Blushing softly, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his prickly jaw. Chuckling softly, he wrapped his arms around me again. Grabbing onto the hem of his green shirt, he reached behind his back and grabbed onto the collar of his shirt. Pulling it up and over his head, he tossed it with my clothes, leaving us both shirtless. 

Smiling softly, I ran my fingernails down his warm, tattooed torso. I saw goosebumps rise on his skin. As my fingers lowered, I traced down his happy trail before reaching the hem of his tight jeans. I unbuttoned his jeans before unzipping them, getting ready to slid them down his legs. 

“Wait-” Harry mumbled, digging into his pocket and pulling out the black remote that controlled my panties before tossing it onto the bed behind him, “we’ll use that later." 

"Nooo, at least let me make noise.” I whined. 

“Maybe if you’re good.” he whispered into my ear.

Shivers ran up my spine as I giggled girlishly, feeling my tummy tingle in excitement, “Okay.”

Slipping my fingers back into his jeans, I began to push them down his legs. Today Harry wore his skinny jeans. His tight ones. I was struggling to get them off.

“These are so fucking tight, Harry.” I grumbled as I struggled to push his jeans down his legs. 

“Sorry.” he giggled, helping me peel his pants off his legs, taking his socks off in the process.

Once they were finally thrown into our pile of clothes, I let out a breath, “Why the hell do you wear those?”

“‘cause I like ‘em.” he shrugged. 

I rolled my eyes playfully before attaching our lips again. I trailed my lips to his jaw, all the way down to his belly button. I got on my knees in front of him, running my tongue along his happy trail. I palmed his member over his boxer briefs, massaging it gently. I felt him harden under my touch as I pressed soft kisses to his love handles. 

“You gonna suck me off, baby? Wrap those pretty, little lips around me?” he hummed, looking down at me as he moved a strand of hair out from my face.I bite my lip and grinned up at him. I slipped my fingertips past the elastic band of his blue underwear, pushing it down, letting it pool at his feet. His hard member slowly sprang free. My mouth watered at the sight of him. His tip was swollen red and oozing precum, his veins were prominent, and he was as hard as a rock for me. I wrapped my palm around him, pumping him slowly. 

“’s that feel good?” I asked. 

“Yeah.” he nodded, closing his eyes. 

I pressed a few soft kisses to his tip, licking away all the precum. I kitten licked his tip, teasing him a little. He reached down and threaded his fingers through my long, soft hair.

“Babe, c'mon, don’t do this right now. I needa feel yeh.” he whimpered, tossing his head back.

I chuckled softly to myself before taking him into my mouth. I looked up at him through my lashes and saw his Adam’s apple bob. Beginning to move my head up and down against him, I continued to pump what wasn’t in my mouth. I hollowed out my cheeks and listened to his breathing become uneven. Coming off of him, I licked up the underside of him. Pressing a kiss to his tip, I took it in my mouth, sucking it. 

“Wanna sit.” he mumbled, taking a few steps back and sitting down on the bed; he placed both of his hands behind him on the bed to support his weight.  

I knee-walked towards him, instantly wrapping my palm around him and starting from where I left off. I took his swollen, red tip back into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. 

“God, you’re so good a’ this. Keep doin’ that.” he moaned. 

Looking up at him through my mascara covered lashes, I smirked softly. Our eyes locked, his green eyes now clouded with lust as he watched me. His handsome face was contorted with pleasure and his swollen, pink lips were part as soft breaths released. He grabbed all my hair between his hands and held it up out of my face. 

Moaning against him, I took him into my mouth again. 

“Oh, god.” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Pushing him up against the side of my cheek, I flicked my wrist with every pump of his shaft. His hard member was throbbing against my touch.

“C'mere.” he mumbled, “Le’s ge’ on the bed. ’s more comfortable fo’ yeh.” He let go of my hair and I felt hit sprawl over my bareback.

“You’re so sweet.” I grinned at him as he sat against the headboard and I laid on my stomach in between his legs. 

I took him back into my mouth and continued to moan against him, seeing as his muscles clenched in pleasure. I reached over and grabbed his hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. His hand other went for my locks again, running his long fingers through them. His grip was tight but not tight enough to hurt me. 

Moans escaped his throat and I knew his orgasm was rising quickly. Coming up back to his tip, I sucked hard, hollowing out my cheeks. My name fell from his lips, a string of profanities following after. Putting him back into my mouth, I went a little deeper and he grunted. Deciding I should give his balls a little attention, I came off of him again and pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses down his shaft. I pressed gentle kisses to his balls, looking up at him for any sign of uncomfortableness. I knew they were very sensitive. Once I saw none, I went to the next step. Sticking my tongue out, I kitten licked at them, making sure to continue pumping his shaft to give him as much pleasure as possible. 

Once I thought I had given his balls enough attention, I went back to the tip, taking him into my mouth again. I pushed him up against the side of my cheek, swirling my tongue around his shaft. His veins were prominent against my tongue. Coming off of him with a subtle pop, I gave him a flirty smile as I looked up at him. Our eyes locked and that was enough to get to him melt into me. 

“Mmm, c'mere, babe." 

I grinned wider and got up, moving so I was straddling his lap. He crashed his lips onto mine, immediately licking into me. I hummed against his lips, letting my hands roam his chest. 

"You’re amazin’ at that.” he grinned. 

“Love doin’ it you.” I grinned back into a kiss, sliding my tongue into his mouth. 

“Think it’s your turn though." 

Switching spots with him, I laid down comfortably before he hovered over me, grinning, ”’m gonna make yeh feel so fuckin’ good t'night, baby. You’ll be screamin’ my name.“ 

I giggled as he kissed all the way from my lips to the top of my jeans, not leaving an inch of my torso untouched by his tips. My panties dampened with excitement as I watched his every move. He situated himself between my legs. He looked up at me as he unzipped and unbuttoned my pants before pulling them down my legs. Sitting up on his knees, he pulled them passed my feet, tossing them behind him.

He laid back down between my bent legs, coming face to face with my core. He ran his finger up and down my clothed slit, feeling how dampened my panties were. 

”(Y/N), you’re soaked through your panties, babe.“ he gasped softly. 

I bit my lip and looked down at him. 

"How’d yeh get this wet, huh? Was it me? Did I make yeh this wet?” he asked, his voice deep. 

“Yeah.” I nodded slowly. 

He smirked and turned his head, pressing rough kisses to my inner thighs. After nipping at my skin, he ran his tongue over the bite to soothe it. 

“Hand me the remote, will yeh?” he asked, nodding his head towards the remote sat next to me. 

I grabbed it and handed it to him.

“Thank you, m'love.” he smiled.  

“You’re welcome.” I smiled back.

Looking down at the remote, he turned it on to the first intensity. The buzzing against my clit began and I couldn’t help but smile softly down at him as I watched him admire me and my every move. 

“Feel good?” he asked sweetly. 

I nodded, bucking my hips up. Closing my eyes, I felt his lips against the inside of my thigh again. 

“Turn it up.” I mumbled, looking down at him.

He smirked up at me, licking his lips slowly. Moving his eyes to the remote he moved up the intensity. The vibrations against my clit moved up a few notches and my back arched off the bed, a loud moan rolling off my lips. I felt Harry press his fingertips against the vibrator over the soft fabric of my panties. He added pressure and pressed the vibrator closer to my clit. Rolling the vibrator around my sensitive nub, I moaned his name. 

I was in pure bliss. My thighs clenched and I reached down, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, tugging gently. I heard a soft grunt leave his lips and I swear the tiny sounds he would make were enough to make me go crazy with pleasure. 

He slipped his fingertips past the elastic band of my panties, getting ready to take them off, “Hips up, baby girl." 

I obeyed his words and lifted my hips. He pulled my panties down my smooth legs. He quickly pulled the still buzzing vibrator out of the little pocket before tossing the panties behind his shoulder. He grinned at me and I mocked his grin before he situated himself between my legs again. Placing the little vibrator on my clit against, pleasure zapped through my body again. 

Admiring my throbbing core, he used his free hand and ran his fingers across my wetness. He licked his lips and grunted softly. Using his middle finger, he circled my soaking entrance. He slipped in one digit, a second one seconds later, looking up at me and watching my every facial expression and every clench of my muscles. He thrust his fingers in and out of me, curling them up and hitting my spot right on. A loud moan left my lips once he started gently rubbing it, the vibrator still circling on my clit. When his cold rings hit my skin, chills ran up my spine.

"Oh fu-fuck, I - ooh -” I moaned, feeling like I had entered heaven for the first time, “God, Harry, I love you." 

"I love you more.” he chuckled softly at the tone of my voice. 

Usually, I would fight back with that but I was so in my zone I couldn’t find the words to say anything back. He continued his actions on me. Forcing myself to open my eyes, I looked down and watched him. He was so focused on making me feel as good as he possibly could. It was the sexiest thing in the world.

After taking his long fingers out of me, he moved the little vibrator, taking his time and massaging every part of my core with it. He didn’t skip a single inch before he got to my leaking entrance. He circled with it the tip of the buzzing vibrator, looking up at me for any sign of uncomfortableness. My head was thrown back and soft whimpers left my throat. He slowly slipped the bullet into my entrance, not letting go of it with his fingers. It was pleasurable, I wasn’t going to lie, but I needed something more blissful, more intimate. 

“Does this feel good or no?” he asked. 

“Mmm, I want your mouth.” I hummed while looking down at him, imagining how good he always makes me feel with his mouth and fingers.  

“My mouth, huh? Yeh like my mouth doncha?” he grinned, “It make yeh feel good?" 

"Yeah.” I nodded, butterflies erupting in my stomach in excitement. 

He chuckled softly and turned off the vibrator, setting it on the bedroom bench at the end of our bed. Looking up at me through his long lashes, he pressed a few sweet kisses to my clit before kitten licking it delicately. I was already throbbing for him. I needed him. 

“Harry, no.” I whined, bucking my hips up into his mouth. 

“What do you say?” he cocked an eyebrow.

“Please.” I whimpered. 

“There’s my good girl.” he grinned before going straight in and wrapping his plump lips around my pulsing clit, sucking harshly.

I bit my bottom lip and moaned out, arching my back and tightening my grip on his brown hair. His tongue swiftly flicked across my clit while he slipped his two fingers inside of me again, thrusting them in and out at the perfect pace. His cold rings made the whole situation even more pleasurable. If he kept doing what he was doing, it wouldn’t be long before I’m a shaking mess beneath him and I know he knows that too. 

“Tastes s’ fuckin’ good.” he moaned against me.

Eating me like he hasn’t eaten in days, he made loud licking and sucking sounds. The vibrations from his voice sent new waves of pleasure through my body. Using his free arm, he wrapped it around my waist to keep me from squirming too much. Seconds after seconds everything became so much more intense as my orgasm got closer and closer. Soon enough I felt my body come undone beneath my husband. His name and profanities left my lips as I squirmed around under him, his grip tight on my waist so he could still pleasure me. My mind my fuzzy and I saw stars behind my squeezed shut eyelids. I was in pure ecstasy. 

Soon enough everything began to slowly come back to normal. My moans died down, being replaced with heavy breaths. My body as calmed down and his grip on me loosened. Harry removed his fingers, slipping them into his mouth and sucking off my wetness before licking one long stripe up my whole center, licking me clean. He snaked back up my body so he was hovering over me. I slowly opened my eyes to see my sexy husband smiling down at me. His eyes were clouded with lust and his lips and chin were glossy from my release. 

“Wow.” I breathed out. 

He chuckled and moved a strand of hair out from my face. He leaned down and attached our lips. Licking into me, I tasted my salty release on his tongue.

“My pretty girl.” he cooed, pressing his forehead against mine. 

“Wanna feel you inside me.” I hummed back. 

He smiled and looked down between our bodies. Grabbing his hard again member, he ran his tip up and down against my clit teasingly.

“Harry, don’t.” I whined, closing my eyes and throwing my head against the soft pillow.

“Yeh haven’t been usin’ your manners much t'nigh’, have ya now?" 

"God, Harry, please,” I whined, “Needa feel you inside me, always feels so good." 

He grunted and lined up his thick member at my dripping entrance. He thrust his hips and filled me up completely. I let out a moan and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. He moved in and out of me while pressing sweet kisses to my neck and shoulders. 

"s’ warm. Feel’s good.” he mumbled and I felt his warm breath fan on my skin.

I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying the amazing feeling of him. He lifted his head up and our eyes met. He was so gorgeous like this. I couldn’t believe he was mine. His eyebrows were furrowed together, a thin layer of sweat arising on his skin. His green eyes were taken over by lust and his growing scruff complemented his pump, pink lips and his sharp jawline. 

“God, yeh feel fuckin’ incredible.” he hummed, closing his eyes and letting his head fall to my chest. 

I bit my bottom lip and circled my hips underneath him. A grunt left his throat. I knew he always loved when I did that. 

“Go faster.” I breathed out. 

He obeyed my actions and sped up his thrusts. His hips smacked against mine and I groaned in pleasure. I pressed kisses under his ear and against the side of his face, feeling his back muscles contract under my hands. 

I let out a shaky breath, “Oh, I love you.”

“I love you too.” he replied, his breath as shaky as mine. 

Grabbing my thigh, he lifted it up and hooked my leg over his shoulder. This new position gave us a deeper penetration that always felt good for both of us. 

“Ooh, yeah, right there.” I moaned. 

He smirked and drove into me harder. The bed squeaked under us with every thrust. Our eyes locked again before he used his free hand and pushed a strand of hair out from my sweaty forehead. I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip. My breath hitched in my throat and I let my walls squeeze around him. A low moan escaped his throat. 

Dirty words fell from his lips, bringing me closer to the edge. I dug my painted fingernails into the sides of his shoulders; I’d be surprised if I didn’t leave a mark for the morning. 

Letting my leg fall from his shoulder, I wrapped my arms around him and began to move, acknowledging that I wanted to be on top. He got the hint and rolled over so his back was laying on the soft sheets. I climbed on top of him and got comfortable before lining up with his hard member. Sinking back down on him, my lips parted. 

“So sexy like this.” he hummed, reaching up and grabbing my breast in his warm hand, kneading it gently. 

I chuckled softly, moving all my hair to one side of my face before I leaned down, pressing my lips to his. I only moved my hips against him so I could kiss him at the same time. His sweet but rough kisses added so much pleasure to everything. His lips were so soft and his tongue caressed mine. I could kiss him for hours on end if I could. 

Letting my head fall to his shoulder, I sped up my thrusts. He placed both of his hands on my bum, gently digging his fingertips into my skin as the pleasure increased. Soft moans began to fall from my lips again. With every thrust, he hit my special spot. I knew it wouldn’t be long until I’m shaking above him.

Being the generous lover he is, he slipped his hand between our sweaty bodies and pressed his calloused fingertips on my throbbing clit. Rubbing it in circles, the added bliss caused his name and profanities to leave my mouth. With his fingers pressing on my most sensitive spot and his thick member hitting my spot with every thrust, I knew we both were going soon. 

“Gonna make me cum.” he whispered into my ear. 

“Me too,” I replied, “Oh my god." 

Only seconds later I felt the fire in my stomach explode and fill my body with immense pleasure. Loud moans spilled from my lips as my body shook. Shortly after I released, I felt Harry’s warm embrace burst inside of me. His fingertips dug into the skin of my hips while his moans mixed with mine. My toes curled and my mind went fuzzy as I rode out my high. 

Soon enough our orgasms were fading and we began to come back to reality. He brought his hand back up and wrapped his arms around me tightly. Breathing heavily, I lifted my hips and let his now soft member slip out of me. I rested my clammy body on top of his, taking him in. We laid there listening to each other’s breathing even out before he spoke up, "Mum was talkin’ about grandchildren. Maybe we just conceived her one.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” I smiled against his shoulder. 

“Me either." 

"I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you more.”

“No you don’t.”

[longestnight64448]

Occupational Hazards *George Weasley X Reader*

"Oh no," I whispered to myself, starting to completely panic. "It's alright, I'll find them... I'll find them..."

I dropped my trunk on the ground of the train station and fumbled with the latch, trying to pry the lid open. Glancing up quickly, I was relieved to see that the Weasley family had yet to spot me. They were bustling around down by platform 11, and I could see Mrs. Weasley attempting to organize her children. Usually, the sight of their big family would make me smile, but I was still in a panic.

Finally, the latch popped open, and I began a frantic search through my belongings. Books... sweaters... socks...

"Aha!" I accidentally said out loud, pulling out one of my many pairs of finger-less gloves. These ones were my favorite, red with gold flecks in the yarn. Gryffindor colors. I pulled them on gingerly, wincing a little as they pulled at the skin on the back of my hands. With my mission accomplished, I slammed the trunk closed again, rose from my spot on the ground, and strolled over to the wall between platforms 9 and 10.

I had found my friends easily, but finding an empty compartment was a bit more of a challenge. "Who do you think will be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Fred Weasley asked once we were finally sitting down, directing his question at Lee Jordan, who was next to him in the train compartment. George was sitting next to me, which was inconveniently sending butterflies through my stomach.

"I really have no idea. I just hope it's not Snape." Lee made a face, causing the rest of us to laugh.

"Agreed," George called out.

"Same," I said, my voice a little quieter than the boys. "The best part of the welcome feast is seeing his face as the new professor is announced, and he's reminded that it wasn't him." Lee and Fred laughed at me, but George just shook his head, a smile playing on his face.

"Daniella O'Myres, you are a cold woman." I giggled and shrugged.

"And you're dead wrong, too!" Fred shouted in an outrage. "The best part of the feast is the food, dummy!" I smiled as the boys launched into a list of their favorite pastries and meats, directing the conversation away from professors. I knew exactly who would be taking that empty post, and I hated that I did.

Soon enough, the gentle rocking of the train started to make me yawn. I curled up against the window and fell asleep quickly. George woke me up when we arrived at Hogwarts, and I felt surprisingly calm.

It wasn't until I walked through the doors into the Great Hall, took my seat at the Gryffindor table by my friends, and looked up to see Dolores Umbridge smiling at me, that I felt completely scared.

A few mornings passed, but then finally came the one I was dreading. The last class of this day was Defense Against the Dark Arts, with Professor Dolores Umbridge.

I woke up from a nightmare, my forehead covered in sweat. Trying my best to cool myself down, I almost forgot a pair of gloves. Thankfully, a light blue pair was lying on top of my books.

As we gathered to walk to class that afternoon, my hands were shaking.

"Good morning, class! My name is Professor Umbridge, and I would like it very much if you all turned to page 32 in your text books..." she trailed off as she turned towards the board. I flicked to the page quickly, gluing my eyes to the book. My breathing was very shaky, and I could tell George was worried. He and Fred were sitting in front of me, but he kept looking over his shoulder at me, while I pretended not to notice. But I still couldn't help blushing.

As Umbridge began to teach, telling us that we would not be using our wands at all during class, Fred started to twist in his chair. As soon as he took a deep breath, I froze. My thoughts were screaming at him to shut up.

"Excuse me, Umbridge?" he asked loudly. Shut up! Shut up, Fred! I brought my hands up to my face, my fingers shaking even worse.

"Yes, dear?" she replied, turning slowly to face him. I could see that familiar look in her eyes: she was already putting him on her list.

"Aren't we supposed to be learning how to defend ourselves? You know, with wands? Isn't that the point of this class?" It took all the strength I had to sit still, and not launch myself over the table to strangle Fred. I listened carefully for our professor's next words, but her voice sounded like it was logged with water. My ears were ringing.

"Daniella O'Myres!" she suddenly called, clear as a bell. I felt like a baby deer caught in the hunter's snare. "Perhaps you could inform the class," she paused, glaring at the Weasley twins, "what my favorite rule is." I shuddered at her sweet expression, as if her favorite rule was something like 'always wear a smile.'

"D-don't speak un-unless it's your turn... to speak," I managed to stutter out.

"Very good, Daniella!" Umbridge praised, beginning to walk through the desks as she continued with her speech. George turned around and gave me a worried glance, and I guessed I looked more stressed than I thought.

"Do... do you know her?" he whispered quickly, his eyes boring into mine. My mouth fell open, not able to process any words to come out of my mouth. My head was pounding, and my hands were stinging.

"Excuse me! Have we already forgotten the rules, son?" I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the look George must be receiving from the professor.

"I didn't speak at all," he lied quickly. But she wasn't going to let him slide. I knew it. Carefully, I opened my eyes to see her flip open George's textbook to the front cover, where his name was written.

"And lying as well, Mr. Weasley? Perhaps a little detention will help you follow the rules-"

"But he didn't do anything!" Fred interjected, covering for his twin. Umbridge looked outraged.

"Fine. Detention for two." And with that, she turned her back and continued on with the lesson.

Later that evening, Lee and I were sitting in the common room, waiting for the twins to get back. We were both sitting by the fire, trying to come up with a good prank that would cheer up Fred and George later. Even though we were deeply absorbed in our plans, it was obvious when the Weasleys entered the common room.

"That filthy toad!" Fred was cursing, George and Harry by his side. I was surprised to see that Harry had gotten detention as well, but didn't hear any details because he went straight to his dorm. "Look at this!" Fred exclaimed, taking a seat next to Lee, George next to me. They both held out their right hands to us, and Lee gasped.

"Umbridge uses blood quills," George muttered, gently poking the skin around the words 'I will follow the rules' now etched there.

"I'll be right back," I told them, running up to my room and quickly returning with a bowl of Murtlap Essence that I kept in my trunk. "This will help," I told the boys, reaching for George's hand.

"Uh-uh," he whined, cradling his sore hand to his chest, away from me. I laughed a little at his overly worried expression.

"You're a big baby, George Weasley," I complained, reaching for his wrist. He pouted at being called a baby, and let me place his hand in the solution. I watched as his expression immediately relaxed; I knew how the potion relieved pain quickly.

"Where did you get this?" George asked.

"Um, Hermione," I lied. As the four of us stayed huddled around the fire that night, I knew that Fred and George would do all they could to launch a war against Umbridge. And I didn't know whether I wanted that or not. But I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it.

And I was right. After that day, Fred and George were engaged in mortal combat with Umbridge, pulling any prank they could muster to get at her. They got punished every time. And when they did, I would always be waiting up for them when they got back from detention.

I tried my best to be silent in Umbridge's class, and I usually succeeded. Whenever she called on me, I answered correctly, then shut my mouth again. But what killed me was watching the effects of the blood quill on the twins get worse, and I could do nothing about it.

One particular evening, Fred and George came back from an extra long detention, and despite their best efforts, they looked pretty beaten down. Fred gave me a smile and a wave, then headed straight off to bed, but George took a seat beside me by the fire.

"How's your hand?" I asked him in a whisper, since everyone had gone to bed. He dutifully held it out for me to inspect. I had somehow become the official nurse for our friends that were victims of Umbridge, even though I never got a detention. George's scars looked really deep, and I hoped they would heal.

"You know, it's really not that bad, Dani," he told me, but I knew he was lying. Blood quills only got more painful.

"Sure it's not. And you and Fred are only a little annoying."

"Hey!" he yelled at me, and I giggled at his expression of mock-horror. But his face soon melted into a smile. "You look tired, Dani," he commented suddenly. I nodded. I hadn't been sleeping well because of all the stress I was causing myself over the twins and Umbridge.

"Maybe if you could stop getting detentions for a night, I could get some proper sleep." George held his hands up in surrender, wincing a little when he moved his right.

"Not my fault."

"Yes it is," I countered, a little worried he had lost his mind.

"No, it's not," George started to explain, leaning his head forward so his red hair fell in his eyes. "What Umbridge is teaching us is wrong, whether it's how to defend ourselves or about... well, You-Know-Who. And as long as she continues to ignore Harry, Fred and I will fight with him."

"But you don't have to fight," I told him. "Just stay out of trouble, and find another way to support Harry." George was already shaking his head while I was talking.

"Mum and Dad fought with the Order of the Phoenix, and now it's our turn." I fell quiet, looking down at my lap. George turned to me, probably with a sad smile, but I couldn't see his face that clearly. "I'm sorry," he told me. George was one of the few people that knew that my parents had been gone since I was 6.

"I just wish you could be brave without getting hurt," I told him, looking back up. George laughed quietly.

"That's not possible. It's an occupational hazard." His smile was too contagious, so I felt a small one spread across my face. I nudged him playfully, and he pushed me in return.

"It's late, I'm going to bed," I told him in a whisper. He nodded, but grabbed my arm before I could stand up. Without a word, he placed his hand on my hair and kissed my forehead, before getting up himself. Then he walked off to his room, leaving me more in love with him than I thought possible.

As time passed, the weather suddenly got warmer. So one particular afternoon I decided to read by the Black Lake. And it was quiet... for a few moments.

"Hey! Dani!" I didn't look up from the book in my lap, but I smiled. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a twin plop himself down on either side of me. They didn't say anything, which made me worry. The air grew thick with anticipation, until I finally slammed my book shut, giving in to whatever game they were playing.

"Are you done ignoring us?" George asked, his lower lip jutting out. He was so adorable...

"Yeah, are you? Huh? Huh?" Fred pestered, poking me in the ribs. I giggled.

"I wasn't ignoring you," I explained, a big smile on my face. "It's called reading." I gestured to the book in my lap. George reached over and took it from me, setting it on the ground. "What are you two up to today?"

I knew I shouldn't have asked that question, because the smirks they shared told me I was in trouble.

"Nothing," they chorused together, then launched themselves at me. In a second, I was screaming at them while Fred grabbed my feet, and George my arms.

"To the lake!" Fred called out, making me laugh too hard to be mad at them. After they threw me in, I grabbed George's hand and pulled him in, followed by Fred. We began to splash each other, even though the water was frigid.

Finally, we made our way back to land, shivering and cold. But when I looked down, my heart went even colder. My gloves had slipped off, and were floating out to the middle of the lake.

"Dani?" Fred asked softly, already spotting my bare hands. I quickly snapped them up to my chest, holding them under my chin. The twins walked forward, each taking one of my wrists, despite my pathetic attempts at pulling away. They examined the scars carefully, my right hand saying 'I will follow the rules,' my left saying 'I will use good behavior.' My scars matched theirs. George, still gently holding my wrist, put his other hand on my head, pulling me into his chest.

"Dani, where did you get these?" he whispered into my hair, horrified.

"Umbridge... adopted me when my parents died," I explained to them. It was quiet, so I continued. "She wanted a daughter that would be like an apprentice to her, so she continually tried to teach me the rules. I was usually quiet and on good behavior, but sometimes I made mistakes..." George dropped my hand and his hold on me, backing away. His face was angry. Fred did the same, eyeing me with suspicion.

"Why didn't you tell us that you lived with Umbridge?" Fred demanded.

"Because you would have judged me, just like you are now."

"Ugh, Dani!" George turned away from me, trying to control himself. "You've been telling her about our pranks, haven't you?" he accused, facing me again.

"What? Of course not George. I would never-"

"Stop lying, Danielle! That's why we always get caught! That's why you never get detention! That's why Umbridge calls you by your first name! Because you've been running off to Umbridge every change you get!" George's face was red, and when I looked to Fred for help, he was slowly backing up. It seems this fight was going to be between just the two of us.

"George, you're wrong," I tried to tell him calmly, hoping he would listen clearly. "My loyalty lies with you. And Fred, and Lee, and Harry, and every other Gryffindor. Not Umbridge. I would drop everything I had if I could leave her."

"I don't believe you," he spat.

"Please, George," I tried, moving towards him. Fred had merely turned away from me.

"No, Dani! How could you do this? I would do anything for you! I love you!" He paused, shocked by the words that had left his mouth. "But you're just a traitor." Stunned into silence, I couldn't find any words to make them stop from walking away.

A few days later, a few unbearable days of being ignored, Fred and George left school. They set off fireworks, created as many disruptions as they could, and flew off in the only style they knew. They left me behind.

The rest of the year was long, and empty, and lonely. I had Lee, but I hardly found reason to laugh since the twins were gone. After graduation, I didn't want to think about packing up all of my belongings, leaving Hogwarts forever, and living with Umbridge.

She had been suspended by the school, but she was back at the Ministry, and would no doubt be throwing me into a boring career there. On the train ride back, I sat with Lee and as many of my friends that could fit into one compartment. As we laughed and cried together, I couldn't help but think of George. Maybe he had been right all along.

I got off the train, my eyes scanning the area quickly. Umbridge was near a corner, standing haughtily like she does, but also staying apart from everyone else. I waited until she made eye contact with me, and then I started to walk away on my own.

"Daniella! Get over here! We have a lot of things to do..." She bustled after me, but I ignored her. "Danielle O'Myres, where in the world are you going?" she demanded, grabbing my arm with her nails, yanking me around.

"I don't know. But I'm not going anywhere with you." I pulled my arm free and began to walk towards the exit.

"Dani!" someone called out, and I turned just in time to see Lee waving frantically, and Umbridge pointing her wand at me. Immediately, I dove to the ground, scraping my arm on the stones. Her spell hit a wall, and I was on my feet again, running this time. Lee and a few others must have held her off, because she didn't follow me.

"Ungrateful girl!" her cry echoed after me. And that was the last I heard of Umbridge.

After I was free, there was no doubt in my mind where I would go. It seemed my only hope. So it wasn't long before I found myself in front of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. The store wasn't open, but I thought I saw movement inside. I stepped up to the door and knocked.

As I was about to give up, George swung the door open wide.

"George!"

"Dani?" he whispered, eyes wide. "Dani!" George ran forward and swung me up into his arms, spinning me around as we laughed. He put me down gently, then noticed my scraped up arm. "Dani," he scolded, examining the cut and leading me inside.

"George, who's here?" Fred called from the back. I smiled.

"Dani!" George and I shouted at the same time. He chuckled. Fred came rushing out, and gave me a big hug. The twins looked at each other, then turned to me.

"We're sorry!" they yelled together, both giving me their best puppy-dog faces.

"I shouldn't have gotten so angry," George started. "I was just surprised, and upset that you had been hurt by Umbridge, that I wasn't thinking clearly." He blushed, probably remembering the last things he said to me. I certainly hadn't forgotten.

"Alright, alright, you're forgiven," I told them quietly, smiling. Fred gave me a pat on the shoulder, then jogged back towards the room he had emerged from.

"Now what happened to your arm?"

"I fell while I was running away from Umbridge," I replied calmly. George's eye widened.

"You left her?" I nodded. "But... Dani, she could have hurt you! She could have..." he trailed off, worry apparent on his face. I just laughed.

"It's an occupational hazard, George." He nodded, smiling.

"Um, Dani, about that... that thing I told you, the day we fought?" I blushed.

"You didn't really tell me, George. You sort of yelled it at me." He smiled nervously as I tried not to laugh.

"Well, yes... about that..." I couldn't stand it any longer, so I reached up on my toes, gently grabbed his face with my scarred hands, and kissed him. George's arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. When we pulled away, we were both completely out of breath, smiling.

"Dani, I think you," George told me, "are an occupational hazard." And then he kissed me again.