#i absolutely refuse to address it pls

[hop3wrlds]

v horrific in fact , to as the older i get … slowly realize that me not ever addressing the v loud blaring issue from my childhood may be in fact … bare w me — the entire fucking problem of my entire fucking life … v PERTURBING to think that maybe the only way i can change my life is by looking at that in the eye & navigating it . i fear , maybe i was naive to think i could avoid it my whole life

[enavstars]

can u also give us fic recs? i wanna read your fic but it's long hdhwhsjs

wanna be in the right mindset

so do u have any?

Here are some fics that I really liked because I thought they were interesting. I loved the way the characters are written, most of them are Kai centered, angst (check the tags for any triggers) and short. Also these are some we used as reference for the characterization of the ninja in Eclipse.

(idk how many recs you wanted so I put a lot)

They turn the light on and it's burning up the sky by Sugarglider_s : very short and poetic Kai analisis angst fic. Absolutely love the way it's written and the interpretation of Kai's character.

Hello my old heart by Bemmiecake : this is a long unfinished fic centered around Kai in the timeskip between seasons 3 and 4. I had to add it because it is definitely one of my favourites, this fic has made me emotional multiple times. It's heartbreaking how Kai has to go through his awful coping mechanisms as the Red Shogun and how he ends up finding a sliver of hope in the process. It also features a well built oc!

What gets out comes around by fruitcasket : this one is Cole centric but explores some contradictions of his character mostly with his relationship with Kai, how despite being a kind soul he acts as a bully towards him quite often.

Too familiar by Maplebreeze : Oneshot about Kai realizing him and Lloyd had similar experiences. Basically RG brothers fluff with some hurt.

Alike, alone by fruitcasket : Morro possesses Kai fic but it’s focused on Kai and Morro’s interactions and similarities rather than actions. It does some character analisis and dives into their mentality.

All of the work, none of the money by ADHDplusCartonnmakesCHAOS : Fic about the ninja learning about Kai and Nya’s childhood. There are many fics exploring this theme but this one is my favourite so far, talking about the subtler things like how costly pads are when you're already short on money to eat.

Fight by Maplebreeze : It describes perfectly how Kai would lose himself to violence (as one of his awful coping mechanisms) again and again and again, to distract his heart from all of those close to him he couldn't save (up until Possessed)

Guilt by Cherry_dynamite : On this fic we finally get closure with Lloyd addressing the fact that he did not see Kai's survival guilt back in the slither pit.

Boiling Point by Salty_Pickle_Bones : It is about Kai and the team being wrecked by Nya's death. It shows just how lost Kai has become, how he's going down the alcoholic rabbit hole again.

Off the deep end by Kiss_The_Cook : Set in the first season when Lloyd is a kid living with the ninja. Kai refuses to get close to Lloyd, despite Lloyd admiring him, because he knows he and Lloyd will get attached to each other and Kai thinks it would be very bad for the kid to do so. Brothers fluff (and some angst), I love how Kai’s mentality is portrayed and of course little Lloyd.

Aftermath by Sugarglider_s : Fluff opposite oneshot. Not really related to the rest but I love it and made a comic about it -> link here.

Feel free to recommend any other fic you like. We are especially interested in those that analyze the characterization of the ninja in depth, more specifically any other character besides Kai (pls let us know, especially ones about Jay, we’re struggling with writing him).

Side note: I know there aren’t many Kai and Nya fics so recommend ones focused on them too pls.

[wreckedandpolemic]

pls post the stuff abt their kids omg

lalalala i didn’t tear up at Any point during the writing of this (she lied)

so your eldest, alanis, is matty’s little mini-me. from the minute she’s born, you can tell; she has a full head of dark, thick hair that you know will sprout into his pretty ringlets, his brown eyes blink up at you from her sweet little face, and you can even see his nose scrunched up in her tiny little features. you’ve never felt more in love than with her tiny little body against your chest, tears in matty’s eyes as he holds you both. “oh, my god,” he breathes. “i’m a dad. hello, little one. i love you so much. god, i didn’t know i could love someone this much. she’s so tiny!” he coos, staring down at her adoringly.

“she looks like you,” you murmur, stroking over the bridge of her nose, her little face smaller than your palm.

tears are spilling down matty’s cheeks, his smile brilliant. “you think so?” he chuckles wetly. “god, hope that’s the only thing she gets from me. listen to me, baba,” he says seriously, addressing her like she can understand him, her eyes wide with fascination. “don’t be like me. be like your mum, yeah? ‘cause she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” your heart melts, and despite the lingering pain and slight delirium, you’ve never been happier.

as alanis gets a little older, though, it’s obvious she’s ignoring his warning, matty’s personality as obvious in her as his hair. she’s a little diva (“confident!” matty chimes in.), bossy and a know-it-all (“self-assured and clever! aren’t you, little lani-girl? my clever girl, don’t listen to mummy.”), but underneath she really is the sweetest little thing. matty’s absolutely enamoured with her, spoils her rotten, unable to say no to her big brown eyes. you can’t complain too much, though — you know from experience how difficult those eyes are to refuse <3

she’s nearly three when you tell her you’re pregnant again, slightly worried about her reaction because she’s so used to being your spoilt little baby. but her little face just lights up, toddling towards you on her chubby, unsteady legs and pressing her hands against your belly. “hi, baby!” she says excitedly. “baby soon, mummy?”

you laugh, picking her up and smothering her in kisses as matty tells her, “babies, sweetheart.”

alanis gasps, her eyes going comically wide as she goggles at you. “how many, mummy? four? seven?”

you shake your head, your own eyes widening. “no, baby. just two, promise.”

and, true enough, six months later, you bring vera and fiona home. alanis is obsessed with them, obsessed with being a big sister. she’s gentler with them than you’ve ever seen her, fascinated as they learn to grip onto her fingers. one night, you go to put her to bed and find her in the twins’ room, singing nursery rhymes and lullabies over their cribs. you sprint for matty, tugging him by the arm to show him, tears brimming in both your and his eyes.

“she’s so precious,” matty whispers, your head resting against his shoulder as he wraps an arm around you.

“she’s just like you. aren’t you, baby?” you add when she looks up and sees you both watching her. “you’re dada’s little mini-me, right?”

alanis nods wildly, running as fast as her little legs will carry her into matty’s arms, giggling wildly as he spins her around. “my little girl,” he grins. “not so little anymore, are you? before i know it, you’ll be sixteen and kissing boys. or girls.”

she wrinkles her little nose, the expression so reminiscent of your husband that you can’t stifle your laugh. “kissing for mummy and dada. not for lani. yucky.” she says firmly.

matty nods proudly. “that’s right, sweetheart. yucky. no kissing ‘til you’re twenty-five. no, thirty.”

you scoff. “we were married before i was twenty-five, matthew.”

“god, i don’t know how your dad didn’t fu- flipping kill me. i get it, now,” he says, balancing alanis on his hip. “i need her to stay my little girl forever. okay, lani? gotta be dada’s sweet little baby girl forever,” he tells her seriously as she reaches up to tug on his curls. “you want a bedtime story?” he asks, and she agrees enthusiastically, matty singing to her under his breath as he carries her to her room. you watch them go, in their own little world, your chest swelling with love.

watching their little personalities develop as they grow up is the absolute highlight of your life. alanis gets more like matty every passing day, all unruly curls and biting wit. even when she grows into a moody teenager, the two of them stay heartwarmingly close, matching curly heads bent together, always whispering and giggling. vera starts out life as the easiest of your three girls, calm and easily entertained, rarely crying, and largely stays that way. in your house of dramatists and divas, you sometimes worry that she’s so laid-back that she’ll just disappear. but she has a built-in best friend in boisterous little fiona, always dragging her out from under a pile of books on some adventure or another.

matty’s never so happy as when he’s with his girls. he’ll never think twice about calling off or leaving work early if you need or even just want him to, always at your side. knowing your girls won’t grow up how you did, emotionally walled off in a house that wasn’t a home, warms your heart. your home is soundtracked by laughter, squabbling, the crackle of a vinyl player or the chimes of a piano.

you don’t realise how different their childhoods are to yours until alanis comes home, aged thirteen, and bemoans some embarrassing situation involving the girl she likes, dramatically throwing her head into your lap and her feet into matty’s. you didn’t come out to your parents until you were in college, and you’d never have gone to them with boy problems. so you cuddle your girl close, kiss her curly little head, offer her ice cream and a movie to feel better.

vera pokes her head around the door just as elle is starting to study for the lsats, tucking herself in between you and alanis and letting you squeeze her into your arms. when fiona joins you fifteen minutes later, matty declares you’re having a movie night and bedtime is cancelled, darting off to bring you all popcorn.

three hours later, your girls have fallen asleep in a pile on the sofa between you and your husband, and the pair of you are fighting off the sandman yourselves. you tuck them carefully into bed, their peaceful faces twitching into tiny smiles when you kiss their foreheads gently and creep into your own bed. eyes closing with matty’s arms around you, your last waking thoughts are of the perfect family you’ve built. this, you think, is home. this is love.

[demodraws0606]

WxS THEORY : Rui is driving himself into a corner

Ok I needed to make a big rambly analysis post again because I just read this post that absolutely rotted my brain (pls check it out) -> https://www.tumblr.com/sankatsuka/741871319388389377?source=share

I kinda want to share my overall thoughts on how Rui is being written overall and what I think it could possibly lead to.

Introduction.

So okay... we can agree how colorpalet writes Rui is weird as shit right ?

Like, this is very obvious when you look at Rui's two most recent events Backlight and Curtain. Both of them actually end on cliffhangers, leaving things open ended with hints at future problems. In fact Curtain Call's consequences haven't been fully addressed yet as Rui still hasn't talk about Asahi to WxS and we know he's coming back.

However, it's not just that that could be pointed out as strange, in fact, in both of these events Rui fails.

In Curtain Call, he fails to understand his own feelings as he accepts to join Arcland.

In Backlight, he fails to understand how to fix the issue in the movie

Not only that but those events both show Rui isolating himself from WxS (with varying levels of severity) trying to figure out the problem and fix it. Often to the point where WxS get mildly concerned for him and want to help him (again with varying levels of severity).

Both of these events seem to show that Rui is stuck on something, there is a reason why he can't seem to solve the problems that he's facing weither major or minor.

So, clearly there is a reocurring problem right ? If Rui seemingly keeps on failing then colorpalet has to be setting up something.

With Curtain Call it seemed like what they were setting up was some kind of confrontation about the disbandement but Rui is weirdly set aside in the Emu's event. Which it doesn't feel like a mistake considering they chose to make it an Emu event instead of Rui on purpose when they couldn't have it be a Tsukasa focus.

In Happy End, Rui's communication with WxS is very limited. His feelings never get personally confronted as he mostly just attempts to try and fix the situation until he's met with rejection to which he just very much gives up. It's only when Emu's brothers offer an olive branch that Rui finally jumps at the opportunity to speak.

However, despite it being a hopeful step forward...it doesn't fix Rui's issues here. In fact he withdraws from even speaking about his situation with Asahi which for me is the baseline of Rui being honest with his feelings.

Sure, he does end up helping in Happy End and his feelings are reafirmed but...he also fails here. His first plan to keep them together fails because he didn't communicate with them, it's Emu's brother that truly end up coming up with a solution at the end.

So what is Rui's problem ? What is the red flag that colorpalet keeps waving ?

2. A concerning pattern

Post-Curtain Call helped highlight a very clear pattern with Rui.

It's a toxic mix between his abandonnement issues and self sacrificing nature.

Rui gets insecure a lot about how his potentialy missgivings could affect WxS, to the point where it's become a concerning pattern.

-Dazzling Light Event (and Nene Canary Event) : Rui gets insecure over not being able to be a suitable director for Tsukasa and hurting his acting in the process. This insecurity comes back again in Nene's fourth event in Rui's side card story.

-Shibuya fes with Mafurui : He almost hurts his fucking leg because he couldn't bear the idea that he could inconvenience WxS

-Disbandement Arc : He refused to talk to WxS about his feelings and still hasn't talked fully about them with Asahi. He literally isolated himself to make a plan to keep WxS together behind their back.

All of these show that Rui still has this fear that he could do something that would set him apart from WxS and that often influences his actions.

Rui's issue here is a lack of priority and a self sacrificial nature that borderlines on self destructive at some poiints. Everything he does is motivated in some sense by WxS.

Recently when he mentions his dreams and ambition like in Tsukasa's most recent event, he wants to make WxS shine. It's the subject of one of his early second art stickers.

"I'll bring out your strength"

Which... let's talk about Rui's dreams and amibitons.

3. Rui and his dream

A lot of people characterise Rui as extremely passionate which is true....or is it really ?

Okay here me out, I don't think we can deny he definitely has a lot of passion for what he does but we can't deny there is definitely something going on.

First of all, Rui is the only character where we don't really have an event of him trying to progress towards his dream, backlight is the first one and it shows him failing.

Second of all, Rui is the only one to have been ready to compromise his dream for WxS which has not been the case for anyone else in WxS. Sure Emu left Pheonix Wonderland, but she knows she'll come back eventually.

Which like leads me to this realisation with his second event specifically it's name, Revival My Dream.

The event where we see Rui at his happiest, fully comfortable in where he was compared to now.

His dreams has never just been to bring people smiles, what he always wanted was a way to connect with people with shows to have a group of friends that actually liked him and didn't reject him for being weird.

But he was bullied into accepting that he didn't actually care about other people, he rationalised that maybe accomplishing his dream alone would make him happy but his friends are part of his dream.

It's this conflict between his dream and his relationship with WxS that is fucking him up especially post-curtain call.

He has to support WxS, he has to be the reliable one, he has to figure out how they can still stay together...

But why ? Why does he put that responsibility in himself

Even then in the Backlight event he's so obsessed with finding the answer himself

Because he's still on that mindset, similar to wonder-halloween just a lot less severe. WxS saved him and they mean the world to him that he'll just allow to be trampled just to make them happy. In fact you see that with even more simpple fun moments with how he ate Touya's rancid cupcake just to make him happy, it's shown time and time again he will sacrifice his own needs for the needs of others to a dangerous point.

4. What it means for Rui's future

I think all these things will end up catching up to Rui

We saw this with Tsukasa, we saw his ups and downs of trying to improve and fight his insecurities led to him having a breakdown.

All these things just keep on building up and colorpalet is very unsubtle with how strange they are with his sad expressions in the tetrad 2dmv and his trained cards (which i can go deeper into).

This could go again in different ways but eventually WxS will have to confront him about it, finally make him communicate his feelings for once.

Again we still have Cyberpunk Deadboy and what it could signify for the future of Rui's arc which I already talked about

It's all just really strange and weird there are even stranger things that i could talk about but i'm eepy so i'll leave it at that lol

[lenaboskow]

PLS PLS PLS GET INTO HOW WOULD CHRIS REACT I find it so interesting, because most of the times is Chris just going "Great ! Im happy!" which valid, but honestly? I really like when it's more complex than that, like in the fic Pinky Promise by rainbow_nerds, that explores a bit the fact that Chris does in fact has abandoment issues, like I don't doubt that Chris (even angry) wants his dad to be happy, but c'moooon, his mother was his primary caretaker (because his dad left for the military, though it always hard for me to get the Diaz Timeline), then she left him, then she came back, then she died, his dad almost died at least twice (that he is aware of), Buck in the hospital, etc. Chris is going to have many complicated emotions ! I love him ! And I just wished people explored more all that potencial, you know?

i vividly remember making a diaz boys timeline back before the s7 finale but i just spent thirty minutes looking for it and i'm pretty sure i never posted it so... oops. maybe i'll make one later with the references but (apologies for the mess this is i tried to make it organized but i’m sick so there’s only so much i can do lmao):

when you look at it, buck has been consistently in christopher's life longer than shannon ever was, even if you restart after the lawsuit. shannon was him primary caregiver until he was about three, and then for a year it was eddieandshannon, after which she left. after that, it was consistently eddie. even if he wasn't around that often because he was working, he was still there, and that's what chris remembers. she came back for about half a year when he was seven, but then she died.

not counting the lawsuit, buck has been in christopher's life since he was eight. but the lawsuit wasn't that long, it was a few weeks at most, so the real answer is he's been in his life since he was seven. that's seven years at this point. to chris, buckandeddie has been a constant, more so than eddieandshannon, even if it's not the same type of partnership. and that's just a fact. sure, he'd known shannon for seven years, same as he's known buck, but technically she wasn't there for all of it. that's what he remembers.

but the same way eddie thought he needed to be with shannon romantically so as not to ruin the relationship, chris probably thinks eddie and buck need to keep the status quo not to ruin the relationship. especially when you take into his warped view of romantic relationships. shannon, ana, marisol, they all ended terribly for eddie. and buck? i'm not sure what he's told chris about his relationships, but he doesn't have a much better track record. abby ghosted him, ali left at the first sign of trouble, there was the whole jonah scenario with taylor (who actually was in christopher's life, so that definitely messed with chris a bit), tommy broke up with him seemingly out of nowhere...

it makes the most sense that chris wouldn't want them to date. if chris was home when they told him, i can imagine him calling pepa or carla, kind of a parallel to him running away to buck in s4 (which he can't do now for obvious reason). i don't think the arc would last long, i think whoever he ran to would start the conversation and tell him about an ex that they're still friends with, and then eddie would come to pick him up and they'd talk it out, there'd be a buckley-diaz scene, end of ep.

but if he was still in texas? he'd probably yell at them over the video call and then refuse to answer any calls or texts afterwards. buck and eddie would probably "break up" for an ep or two, and be absolutely miserable. this probably culminates in eddie taking a trip to texas (alone, maybe not even telling buck) and talking it out with chris, addressing their mutual fears about the relationship and eddie explaining that even if it doesn't work out, they'd still be friends, and even if that doesn't work out, buck would still be in his life, that it wouldn't be like when his mom left. there's definitely a video call to buck in this, after eddie and chris have talked their feelings out, and then chris would ask to come back home, effective immediately.

but there's also the question of how chris would react if eddie tells chris about his feelings for buck (pre-relationship). he'd probably tell eddie he can never act on it, then tell buck the same thing (without telling eddie) and then there's a few eps of buck and eddie acting distant from each other before chris snaps and says "you weren't supposed to act like you're already divorced!". of course that's if he's in la. if he's in texas it would probably play out the same way it would've if they were already together after they stopped avoiding each other and finally talked it out.

of course, they could go the easy route and have chris say "it's about time" but this is 911 we're talking about, they probably won't do that

[fr4nkie0stein]

i dont fricking know if u still do requests but can u do kitty cheshire x fem!reader fluff pls!!! go wild with it :33

Yes, requests are absolutely still open! I'm just a little slow in terms of consistently getting out content lolol. Hope you enjoy :D

Cold Nights, Warm Hearts

Pairing: Kitty Chesire x fem reader

Summary: Kitty pays you a visit one cold fall evening 

Content warning(s): none, just fluff

××

“You snore so loud, it’s almost deafening, did you know that?”

You blinked a few times as you opened your eyes, trying to get them to adjust properly. The somewhat blurry outline of Kitty could be seen lounging on an armchair that was across the room.

“What are you doing here?” You asked through a yawn, rubbing at your eyes as you turn on a nearby lamp. Kitty hissed quietly in respose, squinting her eyes aggressively at the sudden bright ray of light coming at her.

“I was bored and decided to come bother you. Unfortunately for me, you were already in bed asleep.” She gave you a spiteful glare until you sighed and relented by turning the lamp back off. Kitty flicked her tail lightly in appreciation. “It was cold last night, you know. Cold out tonight, too.”

The sentences that slipped from her lips oh so casually meant a lot more than it might seem, and you knew that. Kitty wasn’t great with addressing her feelings, whether that be to other people or herself.

The few times that she was feeling sentimental she refused to be upfront about it, instead dropping sly offhand comments that were left up to you to interpret. This time around, it was her using the excuse of being cold as a way to (not so) subtly get closer to you, without having to say it outright.

“Really? I didn’t notice, I had the heater on all night.” You chuckle softly when you see Kitty’s frown, a clear sign that she knew you were on to her and wasn’t very happy about it.

“Well, goody for you,” she grumbled while rolling her eyes.

There was no way she was going to say her feelings out loud- not yet, anyway. If you wanted to move forward in this little flirtatious dance of yours, you’d have to be the one to make the first move.

You scootched over on the bed, making a spot for Kitty to lay down. “Alright then, come here.” You patted the spot beside you, gesturing for her to get closer.

“Oh, yeah? And why should I?” She taunted playfully.

“Well, I just thought you’d like to get warm, since you were just complaining out it being cold outside. But if you’d rather freeze…”

She let out an obnoxiously loud sigh. “Okay, whatever.”

With a large and cheeky grin, she disappeared from the chair she was on and reappeared next to you in a flash. Kitty pattycaked the blankets a few times before curling up and laying down next to you, almost like a normal cat would.

You smiled softly to yourself, more so when you hear faint purring sounds coming from her. “Goodnight, Kitty. Hope you’re able to get warm this way.”

With that, you pulled the covers up to your chin and sighed comfortably before drifting off to sleep yourself.

Fin ××

♡ Send in more requests here ♡

[tartigglez]

HELLO!! the bubble emoji anon here. on pc.. so no emojis for me today [heart breaking emoji]. what do i do without emojis??? die?? yes.

ANYWAYS. saw u in need of fluff. me too.

diluc and reader who r absolutely pining for each other but aren't together. the little things. omg. the long hugs. the quick glances. the denial to coworkers/friends.. "no we are nOT together!!" (pls date me diluc) brushing of the fingers in public. trying to squeeze out every last minute together. SECRET EYE CONTACT AT THE SAME TIME!!! BLUSHING!!!! aaAAAAAHAHAHAHAH

per standard, i went off prompt, forgive me.

"if you need me"

diluc x gn!reader

genre: fluff (ish)

word count: 1.4k

tags: kaeya jumpscare, also venti kajhdjfak, farts (don't ask), diluc probably has problems with his emotions (if i write him, when does he not?), lil kisses cuz why not

tw/cw: alcohol, reader refuses to address their emotions (oops), also reader cries at one point (immediately comforted)

a/n: when will i ever stick to a prompt...

when you discovered that angels share was hiring, you were the first to jump upon the opportunity. after all, who wouldn’t want to work somewhere with decent pay, such a social environment, and under such a handsome boss…

1 day

“you’re the new employee, right?”

“uhm, yeah! that’s me!”

“right… your résumé is… impressive”

“thank you, master diluc”

“just diluc is fine”

“o-okay”

“most of your shifts will be shared with charles, but i will be working alongside you too. remember to wipe down the bar often, check the stock after each shift et cetera, i’m sure charles will keep you right”

“yep, okay!”

as he turned to go out of the bar and back to the winery, he snapped his head back towards you while you were putting your apron on. 

“oh and, if a little green man with a lyre comes in here, kick him out by eleven, lest mondstadt experiences some sort of unfortunate wind”

“unfortunate… wind?”

“no it's- not like that”

diluc seemed to turn a little red, having accidentally suggested that lord barbatos had some sort of issue with his bowels.

“haha, no worries. i’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“yes, good luck. if you have any questions, ask charles”

3 days

“y/n, are you settling in well?”

“ah, hi! i've started getting used to the customers, that’s for sure.”

“have you run into any problems with them?”

“no, no, not at all. it can just be rather busy in here sometimes. between the knights and the guild, people really drink like crazy”

“hm, i suppose that’s one thing the knights are good at. if you need me, i’ll be in the back”

2 weeks

this is your fifth shift with diluc. he can be quite tense at times, but once you manage to initiate a good conversation with him about something he’s interested in, he can be quite chatty. you had encountered this the last time you had a shift together, when he began talking about some specialty wine that the winery was producing, it was actually quite pleasant, watching the man talking about this interest of his, although he did get a little embarrassed when he realised he had gone off on a rant. 

the events of todays shift however, included…

diluc accidentally making eye contact with you, at least four times (it was not an accident, he was very intentionally looking at you)

the pair of you touching hands multiple times whilst trying to serve customers

and also, for some reason, diluc getting somewhat annoyed at a random knight captain who happened to waltz into the tavern and begin trying to sweet talk you. 

4 weeks

by this point you’ve already learned that diluc and kaeya -as you now called him- were brothers, but had some sort of tension between them, which you also figured would be best not to meddle in. they were always at each others throats, but when they were apart, were both quite pleasant to be around. you had even hung out with kaeya once, sharing a meal at good hunter. 

this would prove to be a mistake though, because he did nothing the entire time except continually asking if you were “canoodling” his brother. of course you denied it, feeling rather flustered. why on earth would someone date their boss? even though things did seem a little flirty between the two of you, it was a definite that nothing could happen, right? of course diluc made you only seem more suspicious, as he saw you and kaeya at lunch, immediately approached you both, and sat way too close to you, almost as if he was jealous or something! what an awkward meal. 

2 months 

personal issues were not something you had to deal with often, but when you did, you tended to shut them down, ignore them, and continue with life. you weren’t one to dwell. however, on the particular day in question, you were pretty upset, and this only seemed to get worse the more people asked you how your day was going whilst ordering a drink. you also knew that diluc would be coming in for his shift later, and you really didn't feel like dealing with his stoicism today. of course he’s nice to be around, just… a little awkward? he doesn’t make you uncomfortable or anything, he’s just not very chatty, and wouldn’t be great about distracting you from your feelings.

you could eventually hear some noise in the back, and realised this was diluc, probably sorting stock, or taking inventory, something along those lines. you, however, were still serving customers, taking drink orders, the usual. 

of course, the later it got, the drunker customers became, your mood began to slowly get worse. you were exhausted, and honestly just wanted to go home and cry. it's been a rough day. you also happened to notice that the fridge below the counter was running low on bottles, so you’d best go stock it. 

as you entered the back room, you saw diluc at the desk, filing paperwork. he’d been there for hours, and still hadn’t gone out front to say hello to you. 

“y/n”

“diluc”

gosh, the silence could be cut with a knife. 

“y’know, it's common practice to greet your employees when you feel like gracing them with your presence”

“i know, i'm sorry, it's just that i got caught up with something and i- are you okay?”

“huh- what? yeah, yeah, i’m fine”

so it seems that the tears in your eyes were still noticeable after all…

he slowly got up from his seat, coming to stand beside you at the shelf.

“i’ll ask again… are you okay?”

this time, you were choked up. you feared that if you spoke, the lump in your throat might dissipate, and you may just begin spilling tears. so, you opted for shaking your head, thinking this would work better, but it didn’t, you still began crying anyway.

“hey, hey, it’s okay. whatever it is, it's okay, i’m here”

he pulled you towards him, allowing you to sob into his chest. what on earth…?

“you should’ve told me, y/n”

“i know but, i thought maybe i’d get distracted and i-”

“it’s okay. i assure you. do you want to go home?”

you just nodded against his chest, breathing in his scent, because you knew you’d have to let him go.

“alright, you can go out the back”

he somewhat awkwardly let go of you, before sending you on your way. how strange. how is he so nice one minute, then as cold as to send you home the next? 

“see you tomorrow, y/n”

“s-see you…”

2 months, 1 day

a ringing of your doorbell woke you up, as opposed to your alarm, which was worrying in itself. you quickly checked the clock in your room. shit! 1pm? late for work... how on earth could you have slept this much? and what did this mysterious person at the door want?

you slothed your way out of bed, hair awry, pyjamas…wrinkled, going to the front door to see what this person could possibly want at this time on a tuesday. approaching the door, you saw a tall figure, clad in a red jacket, with something in hand… it couldn’t be… is it…

“diluc?”

“diluc? hi- yes- diluc- me!”

he sighed at himself, meanwhile you were wondering what he was doing with such a massive bouquet of flowers.

“hi”

“hi”

“i um… wanted to… bring you flowers… because…”

“because…?”

“uhm… would you like to go to dinner tonight? I mean- we can- just- not... if you don't want to... i mean-”

“i’d love to.”

“oh, um… okay! great. here you go…”

he handed you the flowers gently, looking beyond anxious at this point, a blush to compete with the colour of his hair dashed across his cheeks. 

“they’re beautiful, diluc”

“you’re- uhm… never mind”

“hah, see you tonight?”

“see you tonight”

he smiled into the words he spoke, before turning around to depart from your doorstep. this however, was interrupted when you grabbed his wrist, turned him around and pecked him on the cheek. he was about to explode. literally. however, his spontaneous combustion was interrupted by someone yelling across the street…

“i knew it!”

of course, you and diluc responded in sync…

“SHUT UP KAEYA!”

hehe

[haeresys-realm]

Just want to share this with you.

This is the example of adequate art plot and dialogue. But I also want to argue with one thing.

As I answered to the artist, in this very situation, believe me pls, it's absolutely impossible for Zandik to feel anxious, no matter how much the reader want to see him this way: canonically he is indeed a genius sociopathic scholar, so, he's really anxious only when he's....about to discover smth.

But people and their feelings are absolutely none of the sphere that makes him feel worry about. Except the situations when someone's feelings could prevent him to work, of course! So, I find him very polite and a bit tired but still curious scholar here who ironically interested about what are you thinking about, because it's «socially» (and maybe not only socially: hello Sohreh) dangerous contact for you. It's not that he doesn't ABSOLUTELY care and hate speaking with wretched little insectous lifeforms people are for him, nope. It's still rather pleasant for him to know there are some unusual individuals who want to contact with him and share some interests no matter what the stupid crowd thinks. But for sure his not that kind of person who would worry in present of some girl he like or smth. He's the kind of person everyone would feel anxious while addressing to, because...you know how genius sociopathic persons who know more than everyone else and thinks some other way than them behave? Like they are always busy even by their own thoughts. And you feel like you're not appropriate thinking to present here, maybe you're not even to competent to address to them. And you're afraid of their refuse to even speak to you. So, this vibe here I found rather cute and canonic, when such person answer to some interested no-name as friendly as he can to underline that such spontaneous movements towards him could be pointless and strange but particularly that makes it curious for him. (I even can imagine Sohreh instead of this no-name, heh.)

So, I hope you find my explanation building upon his canonical vibes, story, character and behaviour rather adequate and rational too.✨

[kaiser-s-bitch]

Could I ask for Domestic Isagi hcs? Please and thank you ❤️

you can ask for anything my darling😌♥️

————————————————————————

Isagi Yoichi - domestic/fluff hcs || sfw

• absolutely needs his 5 minutes with you in the morning (preferably more than that tho)

• he will set an earlier alarm just so he has more time to snuggle up to you and just enjoy your presence before starting his day (will get grumpy asf if he doesn’t get that, rip his poor teammates lol)

• is generally very torn between wanting to show you off to everyone and keeping you hidden and all to himself

• he isn’t exactly "jealous" of you talking to other guys, he’s merely convinced that they don’t even deserve your presence and attention, especially when he can tell their intentions are less than pure

• whenever the two of you are going out, he’ll always keep a hand on you in some way, both to show everyone that you’re indeed his and as a subtle way to reassure both you and himself that you’re safe

• one of his nicknames for you is "my polished gem" (in reference to Ego’s way of addressing the Blue Lockers) bc as cliche as it is, in Isagi’s eyes you’re nothing short of perfect just as you are

• apart from that and the casual "babe"/"baby", his favorite pet names for you are "sweetness" and "my angel", which pretty much sums up how he sees you, even if it’s far from the truth (in your eyes at least)

• he insists on good-luck-kisses before each and every match if his team still loses he’ll just blame it on his teammates LMAO

• on a very confident day, Isagi once asked you to help him work out by sitting on his back while he’s doing pushups, but that backfired badly and mans got HUMBLED💀💀

• the funniest thing is him trying to comfort YOU and convincing YOU after the fact that it was not because you’re too heavy😭👋🏼

• unlike Otoya or Aiku, Isagi is not a player off the field, and he won’t fall for just anyone either, but when he does he falls HARD; he is the definition of "a fool in love"

• is absolutely weak to you giving him puppy eyes, he rarely denies you anything as is, but even if there’s something he refuses to do or give you… puppy eyes and a bit of whining will most likely do the trick

• you will often catch him just staring at you doing the most mundane of things, and when you question him he’ll say smth along the lines of "I just still can’t believe how damn lucky I got by landing you" (pls give him a "have you ever been shat on by a pigeon" speech LMFAO)

• on the other hand, if he ever gets into his mean girl mode towards you, you need to either A) sass him back properly or B) pretend to be genuinely hurt by his words to snap him back to reality and remind him that he’s off the court and with YOU right now

• has adopted the philosophy of never going to bed mad at each other, which normally isn’t hard with him at all because he’s a very self-reflected person that’s able to admit to and apologize for his mistakes, but he will fully expect the same from you

• and if you fail at that, he can and will go to bed mad LOL

• Isagi’s hair is actually really soft to the touch, and even though he usually doesn’t like anyone touching it, you have got free reign

• tbh he’s practically begging for you to play with it whenever he rests his head in your lap, especially after a long and rough day on the field; massage his scalp in the process and he will fall asleep right then and there, more likely than not drooling all over your lap

• has the unnerving habit of NEARLY emptying things and then putting them back instead of emptying them fully and throwing the package away; you probably once threw an empty milk bottle at him at some point

• he’s used to getting up early because he usually has to, but if you don’t have to get up yet he’ll try to not wake you when he does and just quietly gets ready for his day; he’ll definitely make breakfast for you too though

• before he leaves, he’ll always come in and give you a kiss to your forehead and tell you he loves you, whether you’re awake or not

[n1ghttiger]

Omg omg pls spill the tea about shitty retail customers, i LIVE for retail stories

OH BOY WOULD I

So I have a different subset of retail stories, you might say. For context I work at a chain pet store in both customer service and pet care departments, with lots of cashier experience. Let's call it uhhhhhh PetSnart.

An older lady came in to ask about fish, and she wanted to buy two koi fish to put in a 3 gallon tank she already had at home. I had to explain to her that I could not sell her the koi fish bc koi grow to be absolutely massive and are only suited for 100+ gallon ponds. She pouted about it like a child. Side note: whoever the fuck came up with the lie "fish only grow to fit however big their tank is," go to hell. When I die I'll find you and kick your ass myself.

One time a lady came in to return shampoo, I rang her up for her return and she insisted that she paid more for it that what her return price was, argued with me about it like I was braindead until she asked for my manager to ring her up instead. He came up with the same return price and she said "Oh, that's the same number she [referring to me] said." And my manager told me after she left that it took all his power not to say to her face "Yeah, because she [me] did it right the first time."

A father wearing an outfit that looked straight out of a 1970s sex offender suspect lineup with a very young daughter yelled at me because he wanted to buy his daughter a frog but he had to sign paperwork to do so. Whenever we sell any animal that is not a fish we have to have the pet parent (that's what he have to call customers) sign their name/address/email/phone number on a sales form as legal coverage for ourselves in case they somehow harm the animal, it's not our fault basically. He was CONVINCED that we were gonna sell him junk mail to his address (which is a totally acceptable reason to yell at a retail associate /s) and refused to fill out the sales form because he just wanted "a fucking frog" but I legally could not sell him that animal if he won't sign the papers. He did so begrudgingly and I hope his daughter grows up to despise him. Months after this, I ran into him again and he did apologize to me for doing that, which I appreciated. He was still a dick tho.

Every so often some fish will get a disease called ich (pronounced "ick," short for the scientific name of a parasite) which shows up as white dots all over the fish's body. It's fatal if left untreated but is easily treatable with medicated water. I noticed some goldfish in our fish tanks had ich, so I put them in a container to take them to the back room where we have a quarantine tank just for situations like this. As I was doing this a family was looking at the fish and they asked me for help, and I said "absolutely just give me one second :)" bc I was still mid-transporting sick goldfish but the dad quipped back with "actually :) we've been waiting here for a long time :) so could we get help now actually? :)" I added those smileys in is speech bc he had the most shit eating grin the entire time he was speaking to me. Never in my life have I despised someone in such a short amount of time (like SPEEDRUN i hate you now) and wanted to eat them alive in front of their entire family more than this moment. Also I was in their vicinity the entire time and they were "waiting" (re: standing around looking at things) for like 5 minutes TOPS. They did not ask me for help until I was in the middle of pulling goldfish. I helped them just so they would fuck off sooner. I put the goldfish in the quarantine tank after and they got better soon after treatment.

A lady got snippy with me because she thought I didn't give her enough crickets (at PetSnart we have bins of live crickets that the associate has to catch themselves with a scoop to put them in a small transparent plastic bag to give to the customer) even though I caught WAY more than what she asked for (15) because I was doing everything wrong apparently. Then before I even tied the bag closed she snatched it out of my hand and said something like "No no I want them to be able to breathe" as she walked away.

A lady argued with me about keeping betta fish in cups as if I specifically was the sole reason why the fish are being abused and kept in tiny prisons and she's friends with peta so she's gonna call them to shut us down. I dislike that we keep bettas in cups too. I was agreeing with her on everything (except peta because FUCK peta). But it's been a few years and my store is still standing so.

That's probably enough lol. This post is already way too long. Hope these are juicy enough

[free-for-all-fics]

Captain Louis Renault Prompt! Pls tag me if you’re inspired by any of this and I’d love to read it! 🚃💚🛤

Captain Louis Renault is walking in the train station behind a stranger. The stranger suddenly stops dead in his tracks and turns around with tears in his eyes. He says, "Tell my wife I love her and our child. Make sure she doesn’t blame herself.” Louis realizes what the man intends to do and has very quick reflexes, but even he can’t close the distance between them in time to save the man and pull him to safety. It’s too late as the man throws himself onto the train tracks, where he’s immediately hit and killed by the oncoming train.

Louis tries to mediate the chaos as the train station descends into a loud cacophony of screams with people rushing about in the confusion without even knowing exactly where they’re going or what they’re doing. The train slowly screeches to a halt and the passengers inside are escorted off as quickly as possible in an orderly fashion by the conductor and service attendants who try to keep everyone calm. Ensuring the safety of those on board is their first priority. Louis knows that, as an officer and witness to the incident, he’ll have to be the one to relay to you the tragic news.

Back at home, you find a tear-stained letter addressed to you from your husband. The top is dated with today’s date. In it, he reveals to you that he was terminally ill and estimated to not live ten more months. Months ago, he came home to tell you, his beloved wife and best friend. But before he could, you told him you were pregnant. Suddenly he lost all his courage and couldn’t bring himself to tell you. He was afraid the stress of the devastating news would only cause you stress that would harm you or put your pregnancy at risk. He didn’t want to put such a heavy burden on your conscience, afraid it’d increase your risk of miscarrying. He admits that it’s the first time in a long time he hasn’t felt hopeless. In fact, he’s full of hope. He hopes you live beyond your years and find absolute happiness. He doesn’t want you to waste your best years in mourning and hopes that you don’t grieve for too long. It’s okay to cry every once in a while, but not all the time. He hopes someday you learn to love again and even remarry. He hopes you don’t hate him for this. He hopes you find it in your heart to forgive him. He hopes you can find some peace in knowing he’s no longer in pain.

Your husband had been acting strange for the past few months and was in so much physical pain lately, but he refused to see a doctor. He called it a waste of time and money, as if he already knew what was wrong and there was nothing to be done. You knew he was sick, but he never let you know just how bad he was. You had no idea he’d commit such an act to end his suffering. You fall into a heap on the floor and cradle your bump as you wrap your arms around yourself, a wet and disheveled mess of grief. The doorbell rings, breaking the heavy silence. You stay curled up on the floor, not wishing to move from this spot. You ignore the piercing sound, already having a horrible sinking feeling that you know who’s at the door. You want to suffocate in the deafening silence. Maybe they’ll just go away and leave you in peace if you don’t answer. Maybe your husband will come home if you wait long enough. But the doorbell rings again after a couple minutes. Whoever’s at the door won’t leave. Your heart fills with dread.

You reluctantly pull yourself up and drag your feet as you trudge to the door to open it, not even bothering to smooth out your clothing or fix your hair. You’re too drained to do anything and couldn’t care less what you look like. You can feel how wet and clammy your face has become from your tears and can only imagine how red and bloodshot your eyes are. You sniffle, wiping your eyes and nose with the back of your hand as you try to clear away your stray tears and snot bubbles. When you finally muster the strength to look up and make eye contact with the two men standing on your doorstep, you notice they’re both dressed in crisp uniforms. The men have removed their hats, holding them beneath their arms and to their sides out of respect. One of the men is wearing an ivory uniform that’s emblazoned with three shiny medals, which indicates to you he’s of higher rank and has higher authority than the man accompanying him.

The man in ivory introduces himself as Captain Louis Renault and introduces you to his aide, Lieutenant Casselle. But it’s their eyes that give them away. Both men look grim and apologetic, and it’s in that moment that your worst fears are realized before anything more is even said. Your husband didn’t change his mind. He went through with it. He took his fate and his life into his own hands and did what he believed needed to be done. While you look the officers up and down, they do the same with you. When they glance down and notice your protruding stomach, you protectively wrap your arms around it. Lieutenant Casselle swallows nervously, but Captain Renault remains stoic as he dutifully relays the tragic news and your husband’s final message. Before you can thank them and close the door, Captain Renault stops you and says that’s not all. There’s more to your husband’s death, so they ask your permission to come in and discuss it. With your current condition in mind, it’d probably be in your best interest to sit down before you hear this.

While making out the report of the incident, Renault did some digging on your husband and looked into his financial records, where some of his final investments and purchases jumped out at him. He reveals that your husband transferred all the money he had into an account for you, but he also secretly had an emergency fund on the side that went towards visas for you so you could get to America. Unbeknownst to you, as your pregnancy progressed, your husband was busy getting his affairs in order, which included ensuring you and your unborn child would have everything you could possibly need to survive. He made plans for you to leave the country because it was too dangerous here in France with the encroaching German Occupation. It was his wish for you and your unborn child to get out of Paris, to get away from the war and to go somewhere safe, somewhere neutral.

He couldn’t raise enough money to afford the visas before his death, but he did arrange a passage on the refugee trail to Casablanca in French Morocco. It’s not much, but it’s something. And something is better than nothing. Renault has procured the train ticket for you and has come to deliver it personally. It won’t be easy leaving Occupied France, but he’ll help you since he’s traveling to Casablanca too. He’s been appointed by Vichy as the Prefect of Police and is to be stationed there. He has no ulterior motive for once. He’s just a romantic who’s always had a soft spot for the less fortunate, especially for beautiful young women in need, like yourself. But you don’t need to know that. He’ll keep that little secret to himself.

Before you depart, you properly bury your dearly departed husband, even if there isn’t much, if anything, of him to bury. He deserves to Rest In Peace, even if you bury an empty casket or symbolically bury a special belonging of his that held sentimental value. You regret that you can’t afford to buy a headstone that bears his name and have to use a makeshift marker. You hope you can return to your beloved France one day and rectify this by giving him a proper headstone after the war is over.

You’re sitting alone on the train, a young widow mourning her loss. To escape the war, you’ve embarked on the long, long, long journey to French Morocco in North Africa. You must endure the torturous, roundabout refugee trail, and this is only the beginning. But this is what your husband wanted. This was his dying wish, his last request. You need to fulfill it and see it through. You remind yourself that you’re doing this not just for your sake, but for your unborn child’s. No matter how bad things get, you need to keep going. You need to be strong enough to endure this. You will be strong enough to endure this. For them. For yourself. For your future.

Anyone could tell you’re traveling from a funeral and clearly grieving just by looking at you. Your black clothes. The way you clutch your handkerchief. The redness around your eyes. The misty film that clouds over your eyes as if you’re trying to hold back tears to spare yourself the humiliation of crying in public. But a man who can’t look beyond his own nose and have some respect starts bothering you and being a creep. He’s trying to flirt and hit on you, a widow in mourning, and he doesn’t care. You’re reaching for your hatpin to stab him when Captain Renault comes to your rescue, asking if there’s a problem here. The man doesn’t want any trouble but, even so, Renault orders him to sit elsewhere and to stop bothering the other passengers. The man tries to protest, arguing that he wasn’t doing anything wrong and shouldn’t have to move since it’s not a crime to try to make conversation.

Renault purposefully muses to himself aloud, wondering if he’ll have to arrest the man when the train stops in Marseilles or Oran. Not a crime, eh?He’d beg to differ. Refusing a direct order from an officer could be a very serious offense. As the only police officer on board the train, it’d be much too easy for Renault to find an excuse and make out a report, even if he’d have to make one up. What a shock it would be if it was reported that the man was found with a stolen diamond necklace in his pocket and apprehended for jewelry theft. It’s the man’s word or Renault’s, and it’s glaringly obvious who the appropriate authorities would believe. The creepy man thinks he’s getting off with a warning and doesn’t have the courage to dare test his luck or to call Renault’s bluff. He’s deemed the risk too high so, instead, he immediately stands down and stops bothering you, suddenly too intimidated and embarrassed by the Captain’s presence and threats. He finally takes the hint and gets up to leave, but not before he’s given one last warning of what’ll happen if he doesn’t desist and is caught bothering any woman again.

After that little scene, Captain Renault doesn’t want to leave you alone while you’re in such a fragile physical and emotional state. He sits across from you, volunteering to keep you company and protect you from anyone else who may try to bother you or give you trouble. You spend a considerable amount of time together, and you share with him your hope to get a fresh start when you come to the end of your journey and finally arrive in Casablanca. He asks you if you could drop the formality of calling him by his rank and simply call him Louis, since he has a feeling this may be the start of a beautiful friendship.

It’s a very, very, very long train ride, and you eventually fall asleep, both physically and emotionally drained. Louis watches over you while you sleep until he rests his eyes for a bit and accidentally dozes off too. When you awaken you realize it’s still night time and you’re cuddled up to him with your head rested on his shoulder while he has an arm wrapped protectively around you. That’s funny, you don’t remember ever moving over. You both must’ve been more exhausted than you thought because you nearly miss your stop. You cross the Mediterranean to Oran and then board another train to get across the rim of Africa to Casablanca.

You go your separate ways upon your arrival. You’re fortunate enough to find a place to live and make yourself as comfortable as you can, working a job that’s not too strenuous on you as your stomach gets bigger. It’s not very spacious and the upkeep of the building is lacking, but it’ll have to do for now until you can afford to find something better. You realize quickly that while Casablanca is considered neutral, it’s not the safest place. You’ve witnessed the customary roundup of refugees, liberals and, of course, a beautiful young girl for Captain Renault. Sex tourism is technically legal due to the corrupt officials who often turn a blind eye and even participate in underhanded and shady activities such as gambling, extortion, and dealings on the black market.

Gendarmes have shot men dead in the street for trying to flee after being found to possess expired papers. On multiple occasions, you’ve overheard a man you know to be a nefarious pickpocket talk to unsuspecting and wealthy tourists who have been attracted to Casablanca for the warm climate, beautiful women and, of course, for the chance to board the plane to Lisbon and seek passage to America. He’ll keep them distracted with chitchat, always sticking to the same script. It’s always something along the lines of, “Unfortunately, along with these unhappy refugees...the scum of Europe has gravitated to Casablanca. Some of them have been waiting years for a visa. I beg of you, Monsieur, watch yourself. Be on guard. This place is full of vultures. Vultures everywhere. Everywhere!” And they’re none the wiser while he robs them blind using sleight of hand tricks. You’ve been extra careful to keep your guard up and steer clear of him whenever he’s around.

One afternoon, you’re sitting at a table outside of your favorite café with a couple of young women you’ve befriended. They tell you all about Captain Louis Renault. They warn you that he exhibits a corrupt and apathetic nature. He works with Nazis, collects bribes and gambling winnings from fixed games at Rick’s Café Américain despite it being illegal, and he extorts sex from women in exchange for exit visas, whether they’re married or not. Most women who are his type, young and beautiful, can’t afford his monetary price for the exit visas he’s selling. They feel like they have no choice but to perform sexual favors for him in exchange for exit visas, all facts Renault is very much aware of. So many women are desperate to escape to America for the sake and happiness of their husbands, even if it means doing something they’ll be ashamed of. Renault is only interested in seeking out his own pleasure and often overindulges in tobacco, alcohol, and sex. Considering how dangerous Casablanca can be, he lives as if he could die any day at any moment.

He’s a rake and a hedonist, perfectly happy to drink or screw himself to death without a care for what goes on outside Casablanca. The silver lining is that he’s always kept his word and procured the exit visas after his price has been paid one way or another. You get to know more about this other side of him that he didn’t display while keeping you company on the train. Your friends share with you their stories and personal experiences with him as a sort of cautionary tale. Both women wish they didn’t have to do it and could’ve left the country without giving in to Louis’ demands, which he called requests because it sounded like a much more pleasant word. But their husbands’ desperate efforts to scrounge up the money through any means necessary all failed. Your friends love their husbands very much, but they saw the toll their failures were taking on them. They felt like they had no other choice. The happiness of the men they love and consider their best friends was the only thing that they wanted in the whole world, but they did a bad thing to make certain of it. And their husbands still don’t know and will never know because they’ll keep this bad thing locked in their hearts. That’ll be all right, won’t it?

Yes, you believe it will be. After all, you loved your husband just as much as they love theirs. If your husband were here and you were in their position, you probably would’ve done the same thing. They found themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place, faced with a plight you wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even your worst enemy. You can forgive them, but they needn’t ask your forgiveness. Like you and many others, your friends don’t want to die in Casablanca. It’s not hard for you to empathize with them. They give you kisses goodbye, promising to write to you. They’ll be waiting for you in America and hope to get together sometime and meet your baby in person once you come over. In the meantime, you’ll have to send them pictures of your baby once he or she is born, and they’ll look forward to hearing about how motherhood is going for you.

Meanwhile, Louis is not a man of strong conviction. He’s a friend to whoever is in power at the time. He works with Major Strasser, but never with Strasser's sense of urgency or conviction. What he does for Strasser is meant to convey a veneer of loyalty. He’s rounded up twice the usual number of suspects. He’s staged Signor Ugarte’s arrest at Rick’s and may have even been directly involved in his death. When he was making out the report, he was still deciding if Ugarte committed suicide or died trying to escape. He’s closed Rick's establishment after pretending to be shocked that gambling had been going on in there, while happily accepting his fixed roulette winnings from the croupier, Emil, in the same breath. Everything he’s done has been to simply to impress his German superior, but he seems not to care one way or the other. He blows with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy.

You go into labor at an inopportune time while out in public, drawing the attention of bystanders which, in turn, draws the attention of nearby gendarmes and Louis. He immediately rushes into action and helps you to stand and walk as he escorts you to his car and buckles you in, telling his men that he has the situation under control and they can return to as they were. He drives you to the hospital and sits in the waiting room or in a chair in the hallway outside your room the entire time you’re in labor, no matter how many hours pass. Since he’s an official, visiting hours don’t apply to him. Every time a nurse or doctor exits your room or walks by, he asks how you’re faring. He may know a thing or two about women, but he’s unsure how long childbirth should typically last.

Considering it hasn’t been that long ago since your husband died, Louis believes it to still be too soon to admit or act upon his feelings for you. He probably won’t say anything for a good while yet, but he’s fallen in love with you in the time he’s known you. He feels ashamed of himself because you’re probably still grieving and only see him as a friend at most. He’s been sleeping with other women to try to distract himself but, no matter how hard he tries to push his feelings for you down, you always find your way back into his thoughts. He’s tried to get over you, but nothing has ever worked. He’s broken out of his contemplation when one of the nurses approaches him to tell him the news. It’s finally over.

When you permit him to enter your room, his heart swells and grows three sizes. He swallows nervously when he sees your exhausted but elated smile. Your messy hair is sticking to your skin that’s covered in a thin layer of sweat. Droplets still run down your head and neck, giving your skin the illusion of a light sheen. He grabs a wet cloth and wipes the sweat from your skin for you and fetches you a glass of water as he asks how you’re faring. When you ask what he’s still doing here, he lies and claims that he did, in fact, leave to conduct official police business nearby, but then the hospital was on the way when he was doing his patrol rounds. He thought he’d stop by to check in with you briefly before heading back to the Palais de Justice to finish up his incredibly boring paperwork. You know he’s lying to try to emotionally distance himself from the situation and put up a facade of unfeeling indifference. But no matter how much he claims his heart is his least vulnerable spot, it’s just not true. He truly is a romantic and a sentimentalist. He comes to visit you in the hospital periodically throughout the day, and you show him how to hold your baby despite his weak protests that he shouldn’t or doesn’t want to. When you’re discharged and able to bring your baby home a few hours or a day later, he finds the time so he can volunteer to drive you.

Time goes by. Could be months, could be years, but the fateful day has finally come, and you’ve somehow obtained two exit visas for you and your child. Louis may or may not have pulled some strings and countersigned them for you, filling in the names himself to make it look as official as possible. You’re pushing through the crowd to get to the airport. Louis is coming from the opposite direction at the same time you’re trying to board the plane to Lisbon. The bustling crowd of people surrounding you is almost claustrophobic as it squishes you and Louis together face first and you accidentally lock lips as you collide into each other. You’re so embarrassed but he just smiles charmingly, giving you a sly smirk to tease you. He came to say goodbye, but he wasn’t expecting such a sweet goodbye kiss from your lovely lips. You promise to write to each other, and Louis bids both you and your baby goodbye, wishing you safe travels as the last call for boarding is announced. You board the plane and look out the window, but Louis is lost amongst the crowd and you can’t find him. The plane takes off and the people become tiny, indistinguishable specks.

The clipper arrives to port and is docked somewhere in New York. You’ve disembarked and are sitting on a bench somewhere with your baby, just enjoying the city view as you take your time to contemplate what your next move will be now that you’re finally in America. There was a time when you never thought you’d make it this far, and now that you’re actually here, you’re not quite sure what to do next. Maybe you can contact your friends and stay with them? Just for a little while until you find your footing. You’re broken out of your thoughts when a man asks if he can sit next to you. You know that voice. You look up and it’s Louis.

When you boarded the plane to Lisbon, he knew then that if he let you get away for good, he’d regret it every day for the rest of his life. So he had a sudden change of heart and decided to follow you, the woman he loves. Louis knows he shouldn’t ask this of you and that it goes against propriety, but he doesn’t want to be apart from you. He asks if you’d like to go with him to find a place to live and move in with him. When the war is over, the world won’t be the same place as it was when it started, and he promises you that he’ll make something of himself. He doesn’t have a ring now, but would you ever consider marrying him after the war is over?

He’s got a point when he says this goes against propriety and may not be considered socially acceptable, but you believe that it’s better to try to survive together than to try to survive alone in an unfamiliar country. Together you take the bus and go apartment-hunting. You find one. Louis says it must be an abandoned dance studio or something of that nature, but it’ll do for now. You won’t stay here long and will find something bigger and better soon. Once you settle in, one of the first things you do is look up your friends and get in contact with them either through phone or by writing them letters in the mail.

Sometime after the end of the war is announced, you’re married by a Justice of the Peace who’s a bookmaker on the side. Louis has a dollar and a half and the Judge wants two, so Louis makes a bet with him, and loses. An unfortunate setback when the odds aren’t fixed in his favor like they were at Rick’s casino in Casablanca. Louis borrows five dollars from the Judge, leaving your watch as security. He says, "One day is just like another, so what difference does the exact time make?" The ring he’s given you is made from one of his watch chains, but it’s a perfect fit around your finger. It’s lovely and means more to you than any diamond ever could because he made it himself. You’ll treasure it always. You have your wedding breakfast at a coffeeshop. It’s a cheap and imperfect affair, but that makes it all the more genuine. It’s the most romantic wedding you could ever ask for because it’s yours and Louis’ wedding. It’s a perfect reflection of yourselves, rough around the edges and all. You don’t have to get married in style to be happy. All you need is him and your child.

Louis becomes the proud stepfather to your child. He loves and raises them as if they’re his own. They’re his child in every sense of the word except blood. You follow through with your promise to your friends and meet up with them for a little casual get-together, although it may be incredibly awkward at first, given their history with Louis. They watch him through narrowed eyes at first, their gazes full of contempt and uncertainty, but they relax and lighten up when they see for themselves that he’s had a change of heart. The way he interacts with both you and your child is just so loving, so doting. It’s like he’s a completely different man from the corrupt officer they left behind in Casablanca.

He’s left behind his rank as Captain and put his uniforms away, instead pursuing a more honest line of work. He’s become a much better version of himself. Who is this man and what has he done with Captain Renault? And your child is just so cute and adorable, it’s very distracting! When you let your friends hold and play with your child, It’s tough trying to get them back because your friends want to hold and play with them all day! They get such joy from bouncing them and talking to them in baby voices. Either they’ve got the itch or are already working on starting families of their own. You can recognize the signs because you’re feeling the baby itch too. You want another child, but you’ll need to discuss it with Louis first.

You leave your child in the care of a trusted friend while you and Louis go on a romantic excursion around Europe for your honeymoon, stopping at beautiful landmarks along the way. Your first stop is Switzerland. The main reason you decided to go on this romantic getaway trip is because you and Louis want to expand your family. Prior to boarding, your travel agent clues you in on a fun fact about the ride. He says, “By the way, the third tunnel is fifty minutes long. It’s tradition for honeymooners to take advantage of that time.”

You and Louis want to make the most of your honeymoon and get the full European experience with a dash of American flair by having sex on the train that’s transporting you from Switzerland to France. The train you take carries not only passengers but sleeper cars as well. Too bad all of them are full. You’re surrounded by other cabins and compartments with families in them, so you have to be extremely careful and wait for the tunnels. When the train enters the third tunnel, it’s as dark as the travel agent had described. It’s an absence of light. You can’t see your hand in front of your face. It’s so very exciting. You and Louis take advantage of the time you have, or try to. All of a sudden within a short period of time you and Louis start seeing the features of each other’s faces, and you’re both thinking that your eyes are getting acclimated to the dark. But no. Your eyes aren’t adjusting. Your train is coming to a station. Before either of you know it, the train enters broad daylight while you’re both half naked. You, his gorgeous wife, say to Louis those three words a man always wants to hear, “Get off me.”

You’re able to fix your clothing and make yourselves look decent without drawing too much attention. You think fast and make it look like Louis is sick and just resting his head on your lap while you comb your fingers through his hair to comfort him. You’re both very lucky nobody saw anything. It’s a miracle neither of you were arrested or fined for engaging in sex acts in front of other passengers. Well, you got the European thrill with a dash of American flair you were both seeking, just not in the way either of you expected. You’re so embarrassed now, but you’ll look back on this moment and laugh about it later.

You call your friend multiple times every day to check in and ask how she and your child are doing back at home, and they’re doing just fine. You laugh at the stories she tells you of what your child has been doing. When you arrive in Paris, you’re finally able to fulfill your promise to your first husband and give him a proper headstone bearing his name. You and Louis stand at his grave and tell him everything that’s happened. That you’ve learned to love again and remarried. That you’ve found happiness, just like he had hoped for. You and Louis promise your first husband and each other that you’ll tell your child all about their biological father when they’re old enough.

Time moves forward so fast that, before you know it, you’re moving out of your apartment and into a newer and bigger house that’ll be just perfect for your growing family. You and Louis were on the hunt for so long, talking about this house in hypotheticals so much that you almost weren’t sure the day would actually come. But it has, and you just know that this is your forever home. You’re so excited to finally make it yours. Louis is just as excited as you are, though he may just be eager to carry you over the threshold and christen your house.

Time keeps moving forward, and you’re standing on a crowded train with Louis and your child. A friendly passenger standing next to you gestures to you and says to someone sitting down, "Would you mind giving up your seat for this young lady here? She’s pregnant and has been suffering morning sickness.” Everyone, including you, looks at the stranger with a furrowed brow. You know you’re pregnant, Louis knows you’re pregnant, but your stomach isn’t visible yet, so how did this stranger know? They just smile at you knowingly, saying they’re so experienced in this matter that they’ve become very in tuned with body language and can easily recognize the signs. Call it intuition, if you want. When you think about it, it’s funny how much of your and Louis’ love story has taken place on a train, of all things.

[domjaehyun]

i think i'm gonna save all the jaehyun talk for the end because there's a lot to unpack. FIRST OFF, haechan and jeno's additions to the story plssss i was obsessed. the scene where johnny and jaemin walk into the house greeted by dead silence because everyone's trying to figure who oc was getting absolutely plowed by HAD ME CRACKING UPPP. omg i loved how jaemin and oc's sex tape was brought up again and jaemin made jeno sit and watch followed by that little photoshoot moment. oc better than me, i would've jumped jeno so fast and made another tape. haechan stepping into the house and immediately calling oc a milf made me laugh as well like that part was very lee-haechan-coded. and hello??? the kitty thing with johnny and jungwoo really stirred something in me like WHAT IS PURRING... the mark and jaehyun THREESOME oh you were so bad for that, i loved every second of it. there's something very sexy about those two being competitive idk idk maybe it's just me. when haechan hinted at "celebrating" quarantine being lifted LMFAOOO our poor oc, she would not last during that.

okay… WHEW jaehyun... i always knew it was gonna be him over mark. I HATE TO SAY IT I REALLY DO but my intuition is always right. i was so chronically attached to the scene in qc2 where minhee sent jaehyun a nude and oc stormed off, only for jaehyun to come in to make it up to her. AND THEN the whole laying in silence while interlocking pinkies and not being able to utter a word so they just stay there while all their feelings wash over them YEAH tell me that wasn't THE scene of the entire series. the very ending line of them holding pinkies while walking to lunch, idk if that was intentional on your part but i like what you did there. and can we pls talk about oc ignoring jaehyun which led to their first sex scene of qc3 to be the whole "i miss you" moments. you had me then and there. and fuck man domestic jaehyun watching edgar, i want him badlyyyyyyyy. cannot i would've thrown hands at jaehyun when he invited minhee over. POOR GIRL HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON. but ofc jaehyun had to pull the "i just wanted you to notice me" BABE WE ALL NOTICE YOU CMONNNNN my heart was so full reading jaehyun's confession like i just about burst into tears as well damn. and then oc's confession pls she is so cute, i'll miss her. and i'm glad they knew all the others in the house were strictly just fuck buddies and that mark fully acknowledged that sometimes a good friendship isn't worth ruining by getting into a relationship. oc's character development from refusing to share her yogurt with jaehyun to offering it to him all by herself i could cry.

anyways VERY NICE JOB QC SERIES WAS SO FUN icb it's been out since 2020, i've really been here for a while :o - 🍪

the serotonin this message gave me….unreal okay this might be a lil long i wanna address everything .

I HAD TO ADD THEM IM GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND :’) and that scene made me laugh so i’m glad you laughed too 😁 ALSO i love writing jeno as shy / awkward it was fun for me :D

HAECHAN HAD TO DO IT!! HES THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD!! and omg the kitten scene…yeah that was rly something…. yeah…. 🧌 (feels shy) THE THREESOME WAS ALSO RLY SOMETHING idk what comes over me sometimes . and YEAH PLUS MINHEE WAS THERE AND. would’ve been weird vibes yknow?

OMG YEAH THAT WAS A TURNING POINT :O i’m glad you realized it :D their linking pinkies again was entirely intentional yes i’m v glad you noticed :’) YEAH AVOIDING HIM DIDNT LAST LONG…. they couldn’t stay away from each other 💖 THAT EDGAR SCENE WAS SUPPOSED TO ECHO THE SCENE WHERE HE TALKED ABOUT ADOPTING A PET IN QC2 :D

fun fact mc and jaehyun were supposed to argue and that’s how his confession was gonna come out but when i got them in the same room they didn’t wanna fight 😭😭😭😭😭 like i just couldn’t make it happen so i was like okay what do YALL want and then that couch scene happened :) also minhee was never an enemy i tried to make that obvious she was more of a catalyst unintentionally :p

HER CONFESSION WAS SO SILLY BUT VERY LIKE HER I THINK and yeah i wanted to make that distinction :D i didn’t want her to lose mark yknow? and her sharing the yogurt. u know what that is? GROWTH!!

THANK YOU I’M HAPPY YOU LIKED IT!! yeah it’s rly been a while 😟😟 glad i finally got it out!!

[jcwriting]

Written in the Stars

summary ↬ being soulmates with a werewolf? pretty easy. being jungkook’s soulmate? the easiest thing in the world. there’s only one teensy tiny problem. he doesn’t want to fuck you.

pairing ↬ werewolf!jungkook x reader

genre ↬ soulmate!au, abo verse, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort (this is so fucking dramatic and for what)

word count ↬ 10.4k my hand slipped

warnings ↬ swearing, angst (but with a happy ending bc im a sappy bitch), jk is stupid in love (emphasis on stupid), mentions of violence (very brief and i don’t go into too much detail but just to warn yall), slight nsfw (sex is a big topic for like half of this but not sex is had...i know im shocked too), half of this is background info/setting up the story the other half is finally addressing the summary lolol, jk is kind of an asshole but he has reasons!!!!!

authors note ↬ hello lovelies! here’s a small little thing for you all (laughs in 10k word count). this has been sitting in my drafts for fucking ever and i just needed to get it out there and out of my hands. im thinking about writing a part two where the actual ~*/sex/*~ is had but im still on the fence about that. please let me know what you think! i literally crave your interactions so pls dont be shy,,,,,okay love you bye :)

(ps i was so close to naming this Rewrite the Stars but since this has absolutely nothing to do with The Greatest Showman i didn’t. but i was close,,,,so fucking close)

You always knew Jeon Jungkook was destined for great things.

It was written in the stars, your mother had told you after he had first stepped foot into your family-owned grocery store. Your mother didn’t have any special powers, she just had a thing for astrology. While you normally shrugged off her random proclamations about divine intervention and planetary alignments, you found that Jungkook was something you couldn’t ignore or chalk up as your mother’s latest tea leaf reading.

From the moment you set eyes on him you knew he was different. While your family held zero claim to any sort of mystical or magical inclinations, you were well aware of those who did. It was no secret that non-humans roamed the Earth in plain sight, even though it had taken humans eons to realize this. After years of savage wars and civil unrest, agreements had come into place and governing bodies were adjusted to accept the changes that had finally been made. But, this was all before your time. You were the generation that was born into the period of peace, the first children to not experience bloodshed before they could walk. The world you knew now was almost a complete one-eighty of what it had been.

Where before those who were not of human blood had to do everything they could to blend in, now could be free of the shadows. Your classrooms had both humans and non-humans in their rosters. Some of your teachers were hybrids. Curriculum expanded to teach humans about a world that had once been entirely unknown to them. One of your favorite teachers was a witch who regaled your tenth grade class with stories of goblin wars, wizard duels, and vampire covens. All tales that you had once thought were nothing but fiction were now anything but.

Which is why, the second Jeon Jungkook entered the grocery store that your parents owned and that you had worked at since you were old enough to speak in full sentences, you knew who he was. You didn’t even question it.

He was a werewolf. A powerful one. You could see it in the way he carried himself. The purposeful strides he took down the narrow aisles, the confidence in his broad shoulders. Humans weren’t nearly as sensitive as their hybrid counterparts but you also paid attention in your classes. Or, perhaps you were more aware than other humans. Never in your life did you have the issues other faced when meeting a non-human for the first time. You always knew who they were without them having to tell you. You just knew.

So, when Jeon Jungkook stepped up to your register with a bottle of water and some raw beef, you didn’t flinch. Didn’t bend under his dark gaze or shuffle your feet in an awkward attempt to break the silence. Instead, you flashed him your customer service smile and rang up his items. He didn’t say a word as he paid, barely sparing you a second glance as he strode out of the store.

“He’s going to be a great and powerful man,” your mother said in that feathery light voice of hers. “It was written in the stars.”

You couldn’t help but agree.

Jeon Jungkook came into your store everyday for the next month. He bought the same thing every time. A bottle of water and a package of raw beef. The only time he spared you any words was to say thank you or the occasional hello if the sun was shining. Usually, he was alone. Sometimes, he came with a few members of his pack. You liked those days. He smiled a little brighter and talked a little louder when they were around. Especially around Taehyung.

Then, after a month, he didn’t come in. Not for an entire week. From Monday to Sunday, you hadn’t seen a hide nor hair of him. A part of you was worried, so worried that you almost stopped Taehyung in the middle of the street to ask of Jungkook’s whereabouts before realizing how insane that made you look, the other part was chastising yourself for caring. Jeon Jungkook was a customer. Nothing more, nothing less.

The following Monday had come and you had finally stopped glancing at the sliding doors every five minutes. You no longer expected his commanding presence to rock your little world. Instead, you continued your day as if it had been any other. That was, until, Jeon Jungkook stepped through the entrance looking as if he was walking on air. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

“Did you have a good heat?” You asked when he stepped up to your register. Jungkook fumbled the water bottle he had been setting onto the conveyer belt before turning to stare at you.

“What did you just say?”

You didn’t shrink under his intense glare. “I was asking if you enjoyed your heat. Seems like you did.”

“How do you know I was in my rut?”

“Oh, is rut the correct terminology? Sorry, they always interchanged them in class, I was never sure what was appropriate.” You shrugged and rang up his items. “It was kind of obvious, though. You seemed pretty agitated about a week-and-a-half ago, then you disappear for a week, and now you’re back looking happier than ever. If it wasn’t your rut then I want to know where you went on vacation because that’s where I’m heading to next.”

Jungkook laughed. That almost made you jump out of your skin. You had never heard him laugh before. It was throaty, it was deep, and it was wonderful. “I’ll be sure to send you the link to the Airbnb.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

He smirked. “I’m here every day, aren’t I?”

You tilted your head as you accepted the cash he handed to you. “Clearly, you’re not that reliable.”

Jungkook laughed again. It was becoming your new favorite sound. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to appear flaky.”

“You’re forgiven,” you decided as you handed him the plastic bag of his purchases. Teasingly, you added, “just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He flashed you a smile that showed off his sharpened canines. “Don’t worry, darling. I never make the same mistake twice.”

Jeon Jungkook kept his promise. He showed up everyday, like clockwork. Bought the same thing. Arrived at the same time. The only thing that changed was how he treated you. It wasn’t that he treated you badly before, he had always been polite. But now, he talked to you. He asked you questions and answered yours. More often than not, he laughed.

(It had become your favorite sound.)

For three months, this continued. The two of you had settled into a comfortable routine, something you relied on and expected. Until, he changed that.

Until, Jeon Jungkook asked you out on a date.

“What did you just say?”

“Are you free? Tonight?” You glanced around, almost expecting to see some sort of supermodel posing behind you to explain the absolute absurdity of the situation. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for the hidden cameras. I think I’m getting Punk’d.”

Jungkook sighed and placed both hands on the counter that separated the two of you. “Look at me.” You did. Slowly and warily, but you did. “Does it look like I’m lying to you?”

Narrowing your eyes, you regarded him carefully. He seemed serious. But, then again, do you ever really know someone? “I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen you lie before so I wouldn’t know the difference.”

“Fine. Ask me what color my shirt is.”

“What color is your shirt?”

“White,” he deadpanned. You glanced down at his chest. His shirt was black.

“Jungkook!”

He threw his head back and released a full bellied laugh. Even in your exasperation you couldn’t help but soften a little. “I’m sorry, darling. I couldn’t help myself.” Annoyed, you huffed and spun to face the cash register. Stabbing your finger onto the touchscreen, you ignored Jungkook’s obvious presence on the opposite side of the counter. Until his hand reached around the card reader and grasped a hold of your chin. The warmth of his fingers forced your head to turn to meet his.

“Come to dinner with me.” His voice was nothing but a rumble in his chest, his eyes so black and all-consuming you couldn’t do anything but agree with him. He seemed pleased by your response as his fingers tightened against your skin and a grateful smile flicked past his lips. His gaze darted down to your mouth and your breath froze in your chest.

“Are you going to kiss me?”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to?”

“No.” You tried to shake your head but his grip didn’t allow you much movement. He was taken aback by your answer, a small frown tugging at his mouth. You quickly backtracked to fix the situation. “I don’t want our first kiss to be in a grocery store. That’s a new low that I refuse to reach.”

Jungkook chuckled and tapped your chin gently. “Alright, darling. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Again, he kept his promise to you. He showed up at your parents house exactly at seven, wearing a button-down shirt and slacks. The tulips he had gotten for you was thrust into your hands the moment you opened the door. Flashing him a genuine smile, you hurried into the kitchen to set them in water while your mother grilled him on his birth time. You were quick to drag him away, practically throwing him towards the car as you waved goodbye.

“Sorry,” you sighed as Jungkook opened the passenger door for you. “She has a…thing for astrology. She’s probably creating your star map or whatever right now.”

“It’s okay,” he responded once he got into the drivers seat. “It’s sweet of her to care.”

You snorted. “She’s delusional is what she is.”

“So, you’re saying you don’t believe in astrology?”

“Do you?”

Jungkook shrugged as he pulled out of your dirt driveway. He looked so damn attractive behind the wheel it was honestly unfair. “Not really saying I do or don’t. All I know is that there are a lot of things out there that are out of our control. If believing in the stars and planets helps you gain some of that control back, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“God, don’t talk like that in front of my mother. She’ll want to start dating you.”

He grinned and placed a hand on your knee. “Tell her I’m already taken.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond to that. Not that he didn’t give you one, it was just that you literally had nothing to say. With just one sentence he opened the floodgates of your brain and the amount of thoughts that were flying through your conscious was painful. Anxiety fluttered in your stomach and you pressed your lips together to keep you from word vomiting onto him. No, it was better to keep your mouth shut and let the moment pass.

By the time you reached the restaurant you were a trembling mess of nerves. Were you guys dating? You thought this was just a ‘testing the waters’ date, not a ‘you’re my girlfriend now’ date. Did you have to make it Facebook official? You hated that shit.

Jungkook didn’t comment on your obvious distress, though. He merely placed a hand on the small of your back, ignoring how you jerked in surprise, and led you into the quiet bistro. Nodding politely to the hostess who was practically panting at the sight of him (you honestly couldn’t blame her) and pulled out your chair for you. When he sat down, he started talking. Idle chat at first. Commenting on one of the dishes, asking about the college classes you were taking at your local university. Before you realized it, wine was in your glass and your shoulders were loose. Previous nerves forgotten, you lost yourself in Jungkook. You drank, you ate, you laughed, and genuinely enjoyed his company. Honestly, it was the best date you’d ever been on.

“I have to be honest with you,” Jungkook spoke after he finished his raw steak. “I have an ulterior motive for asking you here tonight.”

“Oh,” you mumbled around the shrimp you had just tossed in your mouth. “So…this isn’t a date?”

“No, it is,” Jungkook clarified quickly around a dry chuckle. He seemed…nervous. It put you on edge immediately. “This is definitely a date. And, also, more.”

“More? What, is this a proposal too?” You were joking. A 100% joking. But Jungkook was staring at you so seriously it made you panic. “Jungkook, if you get down on one knee here I swear-”

“I’m not proposing,” he assured you. “This is something more than that.”

“More?” You parroted. Jungkook sighed.

“Do you know what a true mate is?”

Right there, in that quaint little bistro, on a date with quite possibly the most untouchable man you’d ever met, he explained how you were irrevocably his. His true mate, his soulmate.

Jungkook explained everything in great detail, which you appreciated, because honestly, you had no words. He explained how when he was born, the witch who cared for him told his father that his future glared brightly ahead of him, but only when he met his other half. True mates were rare. Mating was common, the wolves in his pack could have multiple mates or a lifelong one, but true mates were destiny. Someone or something out there had forged the two of you together. You were essentially each others other half. He was made for you and you were made for him.

“But…aren’t true mates only for wolves? I thought it’s impossible for a human to be a true mate,” you asked in a shaky voice once Jungkook took a breath.

“It was supposed to be impossible. Until, I met you.” Jungkook stared at you with a sort of reverence that made your entire body blush. “I have no idea how you are. I’ve spent hours researching. I’ve consulted with members of my pack and others. No one knows why.”

“Are you sure, though? I mean…what if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not.” Jungkook shook his head. “I visited the witch right after I met you. She took one look at me and told me that I had finally found my true mate. She said she’d never seen a future so bright before.”

You had no words for that. For the first time in your life, you were speechless. Jungkook seemed to understand. He let you sit in silence as he paid for the bill and walked you out to the car. The drive back to your parents house was the same. You couldn’t speak. The shock rendered you stupid.

By the time Jungkook pulled into the driveway you still hadn’t spoken a word to each other. You stepped out of the car before he could open the door for you. Walking up to the porch steps in a trance, you didn’t hear him follow you until he clasped your wrist in his hand. Turning to face him, you were surprised to see his brown eyes so big. They practically sparkled in the moonlight and he looked so soft and sweet you nearly melted into the wood beneath your feet.

“Please,” he whispered. “Can you…just - are you okay? You’ve been so quiet. I’m worried I’ve scared you off or something.”

With that voice, it was impossible to deny him. So, you said the first thing that popped in your head. “Do we have to make it Facebook official?”

Jungkook stared at you before bursting into laughter. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

You blushed and glanced down. “I’m just worried, that’s all. I can’t remember my Facebook password so even if you wanted to change it I don’t think it’ll work.”

“So that’s why you never accepted my friend request,” Jungkook teased. Before you could squeak out a response, he wrapped his arms around your waist and tugged you forward. You kept your arms crossed across your chest but let yourself fall against him.

“Don’t make fun of me,” you whined as you buried your face into his shoulder. He smelled so good, a mixture of pine and spice. “My brain hasn’t worked since you told me I’m yours, so bear with me.”

Jungkook chuckled and gently swayed you from side to side. “Does that mean you’re okay with this? All of this?”

Sighing, you lifted your head up and stepped away from him. Jungkook was not impressed and pulled you back to him. Your heart swelled in your chest and you wrapped your arms around his neck in consolation. “Honestly? I haven’t really processed anything. You’ve had your whole life to come to terms with this. I just found out thirty minutes ago that I’m someone’s soulmate. It’s a lot to take in.”

Jungkook nodded as he tapped his fingers against your hips. “I know. It’s a lot…I’m a lot. I just want you to know that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be with me. I won’t-”

Now it was your turn to burst into laughter. You couldn’t believe those words had left his mouth. It was easily the most absurd thing you’d ever heard. “Jungkook, I want to make something very clear. I have no problem being your true mate. That’s not the issue here. Well, there really isn’t an issue. It’s just…hard to believe, I guess. I have to process that this is my new reality.”

“Really?” Jungkook perked up and looked so fucking cute you couldn’t help but cup his cheeks. His skin was so warm despite the cold autumn air that surrounded you both. “You want to do this? Be with me? Be mine?” All you could do was nod. You were so overwhelmed with emotions. The shock was evident, but a piece of you was so happy. You felt whole.

Jungkook’s face split into a wide smile that caused his nose to scrunch up. He wrapped his arms around your waist and spun you around. Squealing, you slung your legs around his hips and held on. Normally, you’d rather die than show this much affection to someone. But, this was Jungkook. Your soulmate.

“So…what do we do now?” You asked once Jungkook set you down. “Is there, like, a ceremony or something?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted as he stared down at you. He had a hand against your jaw and was rubbing your cheek tenderly. “I really didn’t think I’d get this far.”

You scoffed at his ridiculousness. While recognizing you were Jungkook’s true mate was going to take some time, believing that he thought you’d deny him was utter nonsense. “What if…what if we date, first?” You suggested timidly. “I know that sounds kind of weird considering we’re supposed to be the loves of each others lives. But, I don’t really know you all that well. And, I think this is going to take sometime for me to get used to. Maybe we should date, get to know each other, and just learn how to be with one another.”

“Whatever you want,” Jungkook agreed. “We can do whatever you want. Just as long as I have you, I’m happy.”

Two years passed.

Two blissful, wonderful years. Two years of dating, two years of loving, two years of being Jeon Jungkook’s. It was everything you could’ve asked for and more. You had never felt so loved and cherished in your entire life. He respected you, he took care of you, and most importantly, he was there for you in every sense. Since the moment you met him, you hadn’t been alone. He hadn’t let you. Jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

And, it was the same for him. You were there for him when he transitioned into the leader of his pack. You were there when he took over the CEO position from his father and encouraged and supported him every step of the way. You let yourself be loved and in return he let you love him. It was wonderful.

Except, for one tiny thing.

While the emotional aspect of your relationship flourished and bloomed into something beautiful, the physical side remained stagnant. Make out sessions and heavy petting were a norm in your relationship. At first, it didn’t bother you. In fact, you loved that Jungkook was taking things so slow and so seriously. But, eventually, your needs began to grow. You found yourself wanting him in more ways than one, wants that only he could satisfy. Jungkook refused. Every time.

It wasn’t like he refused your every need. No, Jungkook was extremely attentive. When it came to himself, that’s when things got dicy. He had no problem spending hours between your legs, worshipping you until you were crying from the overstimulation. Yet, he wouldn’t let you anywhere near him. Not without lack of trying on your part. The minute your hands went down to his waistband, he pushed you away. Every time you tried to dip your mouth to the obvious bulge in his pants, he lifted you up and kissed you breathless until you forgot your name. It wasn’t until after a year of dating that he finally let you grind on his clothed cock. Even then, he held off until you finished and then walked out with quite possibly the worst case of blue balls. You hated that he did this to himself. The worst part was, you couldn’t understand why.

The one time you had brought it up to him it had resulted in the worst fight the two of you had ever gotten into. It was the only argument that was never really resolved. After the yelling and the tears, all you got out of Jungkook was that mating with a wolf was not pretty. It was extremely dangerous and he refused to put you in that kind of danger. End of discussion. No matter how hard you tried to persuade him or broach the subject, he shut it down. Hard. Eventually, you gave up.

He even spent his ruts away from you. Every three months, he left you for a week. You knew he had a place somewhere up in the mountains and you assumed that’s where he went. You had no idea. There was no point even asking to come along. You loved your boyfriend and didn’t want to purposely give him a heart attack. You hated it when he left. As much as you tried to hide it and convince him that you were just fine, he wasn’t stupid. Being away from him was tough. A piece of you was missing whenever he was gone. And you were only whole again when he returned.

This past week had been one of those weeks. He had left on Sunday for the mountains. He was agitated and clingy, how he normally was pre-rut. Jungkook wouldn’t let you leave his side and you spent most of the weekend on his lap or wrapped in his arms. Not that you minded. When he left your parents house on Sunday night, you’d had to coax him out of the door. Promising him that you’d be okay and that you’d see him next week. It wasn’t until several kisses later did Jungkook finally leave.

While you’d been doing this for two years, it never got easier. More manageable? Sure. But definitely not easier. All you could do was go through the motions. You went to work at the local bakery, came home and helped your mom with dinner, watched TV with your dad before going to bed. Taehyung and Jimin would visit often, threatened by Jungkook to keep you company. While you assured them it wasn’t necessary, you secretly didn’t mind. They made you laugh and made you temporarily forget your boyfriend was miles away from you. Sometimes, if you were lucky, he’d call you to tell you goodnight. But those times were rare. Normally, you didn’t hear from him until Friday or Saturday when he was finally coming out of his rut and returning to the world.

By the time Sunday rolled around, you were a jittery ball of nerves. Not in a bad sense. You were just excited. The anticipation killed you and it took all of your willpower to sit and wait for his text to tell you to come over. Your parents always left you alone on these Sundays, unable to deal with your hyperactiveness and constant fidgeting.

This Sunday was no different. You puttered around your room for the better part of the day. You spent the other part in the kitchen, baking like your life depended on it. Jungkook loved your cookies and you always made sure to come over with at least three batches after his ruts. He always said that was his second favorite part about coming home, after seeing you, of course.

You had just finished packaging the final batch in a glass cookie jar when your phone dinged. You didn’t have to read the message, you knew exactly what it said. Pure joy rushed through your system as you threw on your coat and shouted a hasty goodbye to your parents. Juggling the cookies and car keys, you sprinted to your car. The drive to Jungkook’s was thankfully not long. About ten minutes, as long as you didn’t hit any traffic on the main road. Luck was on your side, though, and you showed up at Jungkook’s house in eight minutes.

Taehyung’s car was in the driveway when you pulled up, which wasn’t odd. Although Jungkook owned the house, the members of his pack were almost always around. While most preferred to travel in their wolf forms, you knew Taehyung and Namjoon preferred cars. Something about being able to listen to their own music without comments from the peanut gallery. You didn’t really understand and didn’t really need to. You had just chalked it up as one of their many quirks.

Carrying the trays of cookies in both hands, you shut your car door with your foot before speed-walking up the stone walkway to Jungkook’s home. The screen door was shut, but the wooden door was swung wide open. You had just reached for the metal handle when you heard it.

A deep, threatening growl ripped through the peaceful quiet and froze you in place. You knew it was Jungkook. While you had only heard it once, you’d never forgotten it. It was when the two of you had attended a party and an alpha from a neighboring pack had cornered you in the hallway. Jungkook had found you cowered against the wall as the other alpha had caged you in. The sound that had left his chest had given you equal parts comfort and fear. Comfort, because he was there and you knew you were safe. Fear, because you could see in the way he bared his teeth and how his muscles vibrated, he had been furious and bloodthirsty.

That’s what you felt now, fear.

Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

From your vantage point in front of the screen door, you could see directly into the kitchen. Taehyung was leaning against the granite countertop and Jungkook was seated at the island. The tension was so thick you practically choked on it.

“Enough, Taehyung.”

“No,” Taehyung snapped, seeming just as angry as Jungkook. “I’m not dropping it. Not this time.”

“Yes, you will,” Jungkook snarled. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Too fucking bad.” While Taehyung was also an alpha, he acted so much like a beta you never really noticed. Until now. “I’m not going to sit by and watch you do this to yourself anymore. Not spending your ruts correctly is only causing you more harm than good.”

“I’m doing things the way I want to, and it’s working-”

“The hell it is!” Jungkook growled at the interruption but Taehyung ignored him. “It’s not working, and you know it. Anyone with two fucking eyes knows it. It’s getting so bad that the pack is noticing, too. Even Namjoon has realized something is wrong, and he’s as oblivious as they come.”

“If they have a problem with me they can take it up with me.”

“No, they can’t. Because you won’t listen. Your head is so far up your ass you can’t even hear yourself anymore. What you’re doing right now is not working. Something needs to change.”

“Like what?” Jungkook spat.

“You know what,” Taehyung bit back. Jungkook was practically vibrating from rage. You knew you needed to go get someone, someone from the pack to calm the two of them down. Things were only escalating, but you couldn’t move. Your brain screamed at you to run but your legs were rooted in place. “That’s is what’s so frustrating, Jungkook. This, all of this, could be solved. She’s right there-”

“Don’t.” Jungkook stood up so fast the chair he sat on flew backwards and hit the wall with a resounding crack.

“Why?” Taehyung threw his arms up in the air. “Why not? I don’t get it-”

“Because I don’t want her!” Jungkook yelled, the force of it rang throughout the house. You had no idea who the she was that they were referring to. You assumed it was someone from the pack. It was well-known that wolves with human mates sometimes turned to other she-wolves to help with their ruts. You figured that’s what Jungkook did whenever he went away for a week. It had bothered you at first, but you knew he had his needs and that they were at a biological level. You refused to make him feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of himself.

“You don’t want her?” Taehyung was enraged. You could tell by the way he straightened his spine and unfurled himself to his full height. Jungkook bristled in response and the muscles in his back strained against the thin material of his shirt.

“No, I don’t!” Jungkook exploded. “What don’t you understand about that? I don’t want her around me. I don’t need her, I’m fine on my own. The thought of having her there when…God - it makes me physically ill.”

“She’s your girlfriend. Above all of that, your true mate. You’re seriously going to deny yourself of her, for what? Just because you don’t like having her around?”

Oh.

That’s when it hit you. They weren’t talking about some random she-wolf. They were talking about you. You were the one Jungkook didn’t want. You were the one Jungkook didn’t need. You were the one he didn’t like having around. As the weight of the words sunk into your mind, you felt your chest becoming tighter and tighter.

Then, you’re heart broke right in half. You dropped the container of cookies and didn’t flinch when it shattered against the wooden slats. The sound unstuck your feet from their position on the porch and your fight or flight system took over. Without a second thought, you turned on your heel and ran.

You didn’t know if anyone was behind you, you didn’t turn around to check. Hands fumbled for the car door as you threw yourself into the drivers side. Pain ricocheted throughout your chest cavity and you struggled to breathe. Your brain was blank, the only thing your mind did was move your body to get you somewhere safe. You had to leave and you had to leave now.

Miraculously, your fingers found your keys and inserted them into the ignition on the second try. A flutter of movement occurred to the left of you but your eyes didn’t let you look that way. Instead, they focused on the rearview mirror as you reversed out of the driveway. Your right hand found the gearshift and moved it to drive. Soon, you were tearing down the street as your ears refused to register the agonized howls that echoed behind as you kept staring forward. Adrenaline pumped through your system and your body shivered in response, the splash of hormones had created a blanket of fake calm over you. The emotions, the pain, the thoughts were swirling inside of you, ready to break free and drown you, but your brain wouldn’t allow it.

It wasn’t until you reached the end of your long driveway that you felt the original spike of adrenaline fade away. Your mother was in the front, tending to the flowers, and looked up when she saw your car fly into its usual spot. She stood up and her face twisted into a frown when you got out of your seat.

“Honey, your aura…it’s concerning.” The blanket was yanked away and the pain crashed over you.

You couldn’t say a word, all you could do was collapse in your mother's arms and cry, cry, cry.

It took you two days to calm down. The tears had stopped rolling and your shoulders no longer shook from trying to hold your sobs behind your teeth. Your mother hadn’t left your side, leaving your father to answer the door whenever someone knocked. The only person who did was Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook never showed up.

Well, that was a lie.

Jungkook did show up every morning and night, without fail. But he never came to your doorstep.  Instead, he was in the woods behind your house, patrolling, not daring to leave the protection of the forest. A part of you wondered if he was respecting your obvious need for space or if your mother had paid a witch to set up boundary lines that didn’t allow him to cross. Either way, you were grateful that you couldn’t see him. There was an incessant tugging in your heart to be near him but you staunchly ignored it, which would’ve been impossible if you saw his achingly beautiful face.

I don’t want her. I don’t need her. Having her there makes me physically ill. Those three sentences played in a constant loop in your head, like a horror movie you couldn’t escape from. You were the protagonist who couldn’t escape the maze, but the villain wasn’t kind enough to kill you off. No matter what you did, your brain wouldn’t stop repeating those three sentences. Your mother burned sage, she pressed crystals into your palms, she muttered ritual after ritual, but nothing worked.

You hated how affected you were. You had always told yourself that you would never be the girl who’d get so wrapped up in someone else they didn’t know who they were anymore. Independence was something you prided yourself on, but you seemed to be at a complete loss now. You couldn’t stop the waves of sadness and self-hatred at your depressed state. It was amazing how empty you felt yet so full of pain at the same time. Your mind and heart couldn’t seem to decide which hurt worse; your heart for having your soulmate so obviously reject you, or your brain for trying to make sense of the situation. When did this happen? How did this happen? How had you been so blind as to not see it?

“I don’t think we’re soulmates,” you rasped to your mom on the third morning. It had been the first words you had spoken to her since you had fell into her arms. She looked up from the bundle of herbs she was smoking.

“Why do you say that?”

You stared at your hands that had curled in on themselves. “I don’t make him happy. I-I never realized how uncomfortable I made him. I wish I had known. How did I miss it?”

Your mother tutted gently and gathered you in her arms. She smelled of lavender and wax. “This is good. I’m glad you’re letting yourself have this moment. Let’s sit in this and allow yourself to be embedded here.” But you didn’t want to have this moment. You didn’t want to have any moment and you’ve felt enough to last a lifetime. Instead, you rolled over, let sleep overtake you and tried to ignore the distant howling that rattled your window pane.

By nightfall of the fourth day, you were forced out of bed. Partly by choice, partly by force. Your parents had dipped out to run to the grocery store, despite your mother’s insistence that she could stay. You and your father managed to convince her to leave and you had gotten up to wave them goodbye. Sure, your heart was broken, but the least you could do was kiss them on the cheek before they left. You had turned around to shuffle into the kitchen to try and shovel something down your dry throat when a loud knock sounded at the front door. Hesitating, you carefully peeked through the kitchen window and saw Jimin on your front doorstep, dressed in all black.

Sighing, you stumbled over and pulled the door open. You figured you couldn’t avoid them for much longer. “Hey, Jimin.”

“Christ, you look like shit.”

You huffed out a laugh as Jimin stared at you in horror, not having the energy to be offended. You also knew, in a weird way, that this was Jimin’s way of caring for you. “Yeah. My mother’s covered all the mirrors in the house.”

Jimin nodded as he glanced at you from head to toe. “I want to ask if you’re okay but…” He gestured to your gaunt frame swaddled in a heavy sweatshirt and sweatpants. For the first time in two years, they were your own clothes, not Jungkook’s.

“I’m fine, Jimin,” you heaved a heavy sigh and leaned against the doorframe. “Do you want to come in? I think my mom boiled some tea not too long ago.”

Jimin shook his head. “Can’t. Jungkook would have a fit if I got that close to you right now. I’m already pushing my luck just by showing up.” He doesn’t care, you thought bitterly, and almost said it out loud but you caught yourself at the last second. Jimin wasn’t stupid, though. He knew what you were thinking. “Hey,” he murmured, eyes going soft, “are you ready to talk about it?”

“No.” You shook your head. A wave of sadness washed over you but the telltale prick of tears didn’t come.

Jimin understood. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he rocked back onto his heels. “Are you going to talk to him?”

Letting out a heavy breath, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I know I have to. I just…I just need time.”

“Take however long you need.”

It was another 48-hours before you finally snapped. While you had spent the majority of the two days that had passed to make yourself resemble a human being, you couldn’t focus. You couldn’t move on. Why?

Because Jungkook wouldn’t leave you alone.

His presence was constant. He circled your house every hour of ever day, the large shadow of him in wolf form darkened the trees behind your house. The howling had stopped but the pacing hadn’t. You hoped he was at least sleeping, but then you got annoyed at yourself for caring. You didn’t know why he was out there, it made no sense. Jungkook’s words were so different from his actions it made your head spin.

But, you needed to move on with your life. You had to. The only way it was going to happen was if Jungkook did too. It hurt. God, did it hurt. Yet, as sad and utterly pathetic as it sounded, you were used to the pain at this point, had resigned yourself to it. A part of you worried you wouldn’t know what to do without it.

Shaking off that depressing thought, you tugged on your rain boots and stepped outside for the first time in a week. The air was heavy with the promise of rain, the clouds low and gray. You tugged the hood up on your sweater to prevent your hair from completely frizzing out before you walked to down the back deck steps.

The backyard of your parents house was expansive. The home you had grown up in sat on top of a sloping hill that your mother had turned into her personal greenhouse. You stepped past rows of raised garden beds and pruned plants until you reached the line where the neatly mowed grass met the twisted ferns of the forest floor. As you had suspected, the ground was scorched with the evidence of past rituals. While your mother hadn’t out right admitted, you had figured someone had come and created a boundary line. It was obviously specific to Jungkook since Jimin and Taehyung were still able to visit. While your mother’s methods were extreme, you understood. As difficult as it was to move on with your life with Jungkook sequestered to the forest, you couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like if he was within a few feet of you.

With a deep inhale, you sat down on the damp grass and waited. After a few minutes, you could hear the faint sounds of paws hitting the wet earth. The galloping got louder and louder until there was a momentary stretch of silence before it changed to footsteps.

When Jungkook emerged from the trees, you weren’t prepared. Although you knew you wouldn’t be, you still weren’t expecting it to hurt this bad. Your chest squeezed painfully at the first look of his broad form. Technically, it had been two weeks since you two had truly seen each other, the longest you’d ever gone. What hurt the most was how badly you longed for him. You wanted nothing more than to run straight into his arms, bury your face into his chest, and forget everything. Just forgive and give your heart what it wanted. But you remained firmly in place.

Jungkook looked as if he had seen a ghost. Which, to be fair, was probably true since you hadn’t seen the sun in seven days. His normally golden skin was pale and even from where you sat you could see the dark circles bruising under his eyes. Clearly, he hadn’t been sleeping. You hated that you noticed. You hated that you cared. He was dressed in all black and his chest strained against the material of his sweater. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side and the sight reminded you of why you were here.

“Hi.” Probably wasn’t the best start but it was the best you could do. Jungkook didn’t respond so you soldiered on. “I-I know you don’t want to be here, so I’ll make this quick. I just…wanted to apologize. I had no idea I made you so uncomfortable. I’m not sure how long you’ve felt this way about me, not that it really matters, but I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe things would’ve been easier for you, who knows.” You released a heavy sigh and tried to shove down the stone in your throat as you forced the next words out of your mouth. “But, all of that doesn’t matter anymore. I think I understand what you need, now. I know you loved me at one point, but I’m obviously not what you need anymore. And…t-that’s okay - I swear it is. All I want is for you to be happy, Jungkook. And I think, in order for that to happen, I need to move on. We both need to move on-”

“Stop it,” Jungkook broke in with a harsh voice that cut your sentence in half. “Stop talking.”

It felt like he had slapped you in the face. A wave of humiliation washed over you and you visibly flinched. Staggering to your feet, you locked your gaze onto your boots in an attempt to hide the tears that dripped down your nose. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, not expecting it to change anything. You began to turn away but Jungkook stopped you in your tracks, again.

“Wait, no - stop. Stop. Please…don’t go,” he pleaded. When you turned around, his eyes were frantic. Jungkook’s hand was raised from his side as if he thought about reaching out to you but something stopped him. His words were at war with one another and you were caught in the middle, at a loss for what he was trying so desperately to convey to you.

“Jungkook, I’m so confused.”

“I know. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.” Jungkook tucked his head into his hands before dropping down into a squat. “This is all wrong. This is all so wrong.”

You knew you should walk away. You had said your piece, it was time to move on, just as you had said. Yet, you couldn’t. It was as if your heart was tethered to him and your body couldn’t handle the pain of walking away. “Listen-”

“I don’t know what to do.” He cut you off but the bubbles of anger that had risen from being interrupted popped once you saw how lost he looked. His tattooed fingers threaded through his hair, allowing you to see the pure anguish that twisted his features. “Whenever I feel like this, I come to you. Because you always know what to do. Any situation, no matter what, you can handle it. It’s something I’ve always admired about you.”

The way he spoke to you now, so reverently and so full of awe, made your head spin. Nothing made sense.  It was such a blatant contrast to the brutality that he had spat out a week ago. As much as you wanted to believe what he said now, those stupid words could not get out of your head. It was a constant reminder that never shut up.

“I don’t know what to do either,” you admitted in a quiet voice.

“Tell me,” Jungkook begged, as if he couldn’t and refused to comprehend what you had just told him. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give you.”

You were shaking your head before he could finish. “There’s nothing you can do, Jungkook. Nothing.”

“Don’t say that.” He stared at you, horrified. “Don’t say that to me. Please, there has to be something.”

“What could there be?” You cried. Tears streamed down your cheeks now. “You said it yourself, being near me makes you sick. Why would I stay? Why would you want me to? I refuse to make you uncomfortable anymore - so that’s that.”

“It isn’t,” Jungkook argued back. “It can’t be. I-I can’t lose you, I can’t. I need to make this right, please just let me. Please.”

But, you were tired. You were so fucking tired. You were exhausted of the emotional rollercoaster that you were on that you just wanted to crawl away and hide. All the fight seeped out of you as your shoulders slumped forward. Jungkook saw this and the blood drained from his face. You were giving up, he could see it, and it scared the shit out of him.

“Jungkook, I need to go, okay? I-I can’t do this.”

“No!” Jungkook shouted and shot up to his feet. The pure panic that choked his voice brought on a fresh set of tears that you struggled to hold back. “Just let me explain, okay? I swear to God, after you hear what I have to say, if you still want me to, I’ll let you go. I won’t fight you on it. But, please let me tell you the truth. Give me a chance to make this right. You deserve that.”

You hesitated for a moment. Deep down, you knew you should let him talk. Not because you necessarily thought he deserved to, but because he was right. You did deserve the truth, no matter how much it broke your heart. With a heavy sigh and a quick swipe of your cheeks, you nodded. Once Jungkook was sure you weren’t going to leave, he began pacing. Looking every bit like the wild animal you knew him to be but never got to see.

“Mating with a werewolf is…brutal. It’s intense, it’s painful and it isn’t pretty. It’s essentially a breeding session where I use you as a vessel to fulfill my innate biological needs. It’s not romantic, it’s not gentle. Even for she-wolves it can be too much. The thought of subjecting you to something like that - that type of pain…I couldn’t fathom it. I don’t think you understand just how precious you are to me. The image of you being battered and bruised because of me, something I did…it tormented me, day and night.” He paused for a moment, the pained look in his eyes made you shiver. You hated that he had gone through all of this turmoil on his own, and you especially hated how you never made more of an effort to try and relieve him of it.

“I couldn’t do it. That’s partially the reason I waited so long to tell you that you were my true mate. I knew ruts were something I would never expose you to even though it’s such a huge part of my life, a wolf’s life.” Jungkook looked you straight in the eye, the intensity of his dark gaze took your breath away. “I know the practices other wolves partake in when their own heats or ruts arrive. I know you know them too. But, I need you to understand something. The moment you allowed me to be yours and vice versa, I haven’t had anyone else since. I swear on my life, I’ve spent every single one of my ruts alone. I wouldn’t and I won’t do that to you.”

“Isn’t that painful, though?” Your voice cracked but neither one of you acknowledged it. While your knowledge on ruts were expansive, having done plenty of research since being with Jungkook, you had obviously never experienced one.

“It’s manageable. It’s way more painful for a she-wolf to go through her heat alone than it is for a male.” Jungkook clenched and unclenched his fists as he resumed his pacing. “The worst part is being away from you. I’ve been going through ruts since puberty, I can handle them. But not being able to be with you for a whole week…I hated it. Still do. I dread that three month mark. And as time went on, I became more and more miserable. Being apart from you was almost unbearable but the other option…I never even allowed myself to consider it.

“It came to the point where the pack was noticing. I wasn’t getting the proper pheromonal release from my ruts and it was beginning to affect those around me. Taehyung has been on my ass for months now to get over myself and take you with me during my next rut. Each time I’d give him some excuse, but it was getting harder and harder to justify what I was doing. At first, I was convinced it was because I was protecting you. But you’ve been so understanding and so patient with me and my life, those excuses were becoming useless. Eventually, I think it was because I was protecting myself. I was - am - so scared. I’m terrified that I could hurt you when I’m like that. That I wouldn’t be able to notice or worse, ignored, if something happened to you. Living with that type of fear became debilitating. So, I just kept my mouth shut and kept you away from that part of me.”

Jungkook shook his head and chuckled humorlessly. “Now I know that was the worst possible thing I could do. That I was just hurting you more. What you walked into last Sunday was a culmination of my frustrations that I was refusing to deal with. While it’s not a valid reason, I’m well aware of that, I need you to know that what you heard was not the truth. It couldn’t be further from it. Because the truth is that I’m hopelessly in love with you and the thought of being without you hurts worse than I ever thought was possible.”

It wasn’t the first nor would it be the last time that Jungkook left you speechless. It took you a full minute to process what he had said. Jungkook granted you the silence although he became increasingly more agitated as time passed. His boots scuffed the dead leaves that littered the ground and his pacing led him closer to the ashes that lay before your feet. Then, he’d suddenly stalk off with a growl as he was forced to keep away.

“I-” you cleared your throat around the lump that had found a home there. “I had no idea. This whole time…I thought it was because you didn’t want me.”

“God, no.” Jungkook swore heavily as his muscles bunched and coiled beneath his clothes. “The - the fact that…you - fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That’s not it, that’s not it at all. You’re my dream girl, you’re the love of my life, and I want you every second of every day.”

Maybe it’s because you were emotionally drained and had no mental strength left. Maybe, you needed to hear those words from Jungkook more than you realized. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t worth trying to figure out an explanation as you sunk to the ground and burst into tears.

Jungkook lost it across from you. Broken whines stained the air as he carded through his hair anxiously. He kept trying to get to you, to try to soothe you. But the boundary was unfortunately doing its job and each attempt was met with failure. Curses were spat out until eventually, he got as close as the boundary would let him and fell to his knees. He began spewing whatever came to mind first, unsure of what to do. All he knew was that you were crying because of him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He thought hearing you cry from your bedroom window was torture, but nothing could compare to hearing you break down in front of him. Nothing. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m sorry…please, I’m so sorry. I - don’t cry, darling. Please don’t. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I didn’t mean to, I swear.”

It wasn’t tears of heartbreak that leaked from your eyes. Instead, it was tears of relief. While your heart had wholly accepted his words as the truth, the logical part of you reminded yourself that the two of you had way more talking to do. This was far from over, but the relief of knowing that he loved you and he was yours…it was indescribable.

You finally lifted your head up and were shocked to find Jungkook’s cheeks glistening with moisture. Your only thought was to comfort him as you scrambled forward to do just that. Instead of feeling his smooth skin against the palm of your hand, you were blocked by what felt like a wall although nothing stood in your way. Frowning, you realized with a start that the boundary worked both ways. Jungkook let out a frustrated growl as he glared at the ashes that was stopping both of you from getting what you wanted. It was silent for a few moments until an idea popped into your head.

“Wait here,” you announced before jumping up and taking off for the house. Ignoring Jungkook’s distressed cry, you ran inside. You yanked your car keys off from their designated hook and quickly typed out a text to your parents to let them know where you were going before spinning around and sprinting back outside. Jungkook was where you left him, although he stumbled to his feet when he saw you reappear.

“I’m going to your house,” you announced, breathless. “No witch is stupid enough to go that far into werewolf territory. If you want to talk to me there, then follow me.”

Jungkook stared at you for a heartbeat until the words you spoke clicked. “Y-yeah. Yes. Okay. I’ll be there.”

With a curt nod, you ran to your car. For the first time in a week, a faint sprout of hope bloomed in your chest.

It was the longest and shortest ten minutes of your life. The drive to Jungkook’s seemed to last a lifetime but also was over within a blink of an eye. The tears had stopped flowing by the time you pulled your car into his driveway, but you felt the telltale prick in your eyes when you saw him burst from the trees. Your heart ached as his long legs ate up the distance between you two as you wrestled with your seatbelt and threw the car into park. By the time you freed yourself, he was at the hood of your car.

The two of you stared at each other for a few breathless moments. You weren’t sure who moved first, but it didn’t matter as you crashed into each other’s arms. The moment his searing warmth enveloped you, you dissolved into another puddle of sobs. The feeling of his thick arms banded across your back, his torso molded to yours, and his hair tickling your ear, felt so right. Another wave of crippling relief washed over you and you practically melted against Jungkook. But he held you up, just like he always had.

He leaned against the front bumper while his hands were everywhere. Cradling your head into his neck, smoothing over your hips, or running circles over your shoulders. He was crying, you could feel the tears dampening your hair. But you were soaking his shirt so no one was in any position to complain.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t,” Jungkook hissed fiercely as he squeezed you tighter. “Don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault, not in the slightest.”

“Kook,” you sighed and pulled your head back to get a good look at him. “It takes two to tango.”

“Not this time,” he argued. “You’ve put up with so much. You’re everything I could’ve asked for and more. It was my own fears that got in the way and created this mess. And I’m so sorry for that, darling. I’m so fucking sorry.”

You shushed him gently, running your thumbs over his cheeks to swipe at the dried tears. “I know you’re sorry. I believe you.”

Jungkook dipped his head further into your touch with a pleased rumble vibrating through his chest. He kissed your palm gently, sniffing at your wrist. It made you giggle. “Missed that,” Jungkook mumbled as he stared at you with stars in his eyes. “Missed you. Missed you so much.”

A fresh wave of tears cascaded down your cheeks. You were positive that you looked like a mess, hair in a knotted bun, face red and puffy and you kept sniffling every two seconds. But Jungkook looked at you as if you held the world in your hands. “Missed you too,” you murmured in return. “Please, next time, just talk to me. I may not have the answers you’re looking for all the time, but I’ll always be here to listen.”

“I know,” Jungkook whispered. “There won’t be a next time, promise. If I happen to be stupid enough to put us in this position again, I give you full permission to punch me in the face.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You lifted yourself onto your toes to brush your lips against his, dropping back down to your feet when his head chased after yours. “Or maybe I just won’t kiss you for a week.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened comically and he actually looked terrified. “I’d rather you just punched me in the face.” You tilted your head back and laughed. Jungkook tugged you closer and nosed your throat before peppering gentle kisses along the exposed skin. Sighing happily, you tilted your head to allow him better access and rested your cheek on his shoulder.

“I love you,” you said quietly. Jungkook froze for a split second before he sank against you. Squeaking in shock, you scrambled to brace yourself against the sudden weight pressing you towards the house.

“Say it again,” Jungkook pleaded. You couldn’t deny him. Dusting feather light kisses to the shell of his ear, you repeated those three words again, and again, and again. Each time you did, Jungkook held you a little tighter and cried a little harder.

Eventually, you’re murmured promises became softer and softer until the two of you just enjoyed each others presence. “C’mon,” you finally whispered as you started to lift yourself off of him. Jungkook growled and refused to let you move an inch farther. “Kook, come on. Let’s go inside. Your ass must be numb by now.”

“Don’t care,” he grumbled but he at least shuffled forward a bit more so that your combined weight wasn’t squashing his ass against your car.

“You might say that now, but you won’t be saying that later.”

Jungkook grunted at your logic but he at least raised his head and looked at you with the sweetest eyes. “Please tell me you’re staying.”

Giggling, you asked, “do you want me to?”

“Obviously,” he scoffed. “I want you here forever.” Jungkook tilted his head thoughtfully. “Actually, you should just move in with me.”

Christ, this boy was going to give you whiplash. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Jungkook, we just made up. The whole reason we were in this mess is because of poor communication. Don’t you think we should work on that first before anything else?”

“But…we could work on communication all the time if we’re together 24/7.” Despite his pout, you knew he wasn’t totally serious. Although you were sure it was going to come up again.

“Alright, you maniac,” you said fondly. “Take me to bed.” Jungkook’s chest rumbled happily as he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his trim waist.

It wasn’t a long walk to his bedroom, but the exhaustion of the past week caught up to you and the gentle rocking of his steps lulled you into a serene state. Not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. You were aware when Jungkook placed you on his bed, practically engulfed in his scent. The last thing you remember before falling asleep was the words Jungkook pressed into your hair has he slid in behind you.

“Love you forever, my darling girl.”

©jcwritings Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission.

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[claireunoia]

hi !! Can I request "If you're hurt you can tell me, I don't mind carrying you, honest." With Peter Parker please ☺️🤍

❥ ҉ warnings : CONTAINS SPOILERS OF NO WAY HOME if u haven’t watch yet pls look away!! fluff!!!, dangerous situations, usual spiderman fighting stuff

❥ ҉ word count : 1331

❥ ҉ a/n : ❝hii everyone, i’m gonna be writing for nwh bc i need ways to cope with watching it so writing is my plan to do so,, PLS. so i’m accepting request for drabbles, imagines, full fics, or blurbs so send them in if u want. also pls blocked the tags below that has anything to do with nwh if u don’t want to see any spoilers! :) ilu guys <3!!!❞

☁︎ masterlist | navigation ☁︎

absolute chaos.

is the only way you can describe your current situation and the current situation that was unraveling around you. it felt so surreal yet mind-boggling at the same time, as you watched a man with metal tentacles destroy the bridge you and hundreds of other people were on.

you don’t know how you managed to end up in such a predicament. you were just on your way to see your family since being away from them after such a long time and now you weren’t even sure if you’ll ever be able to see them again.

you were stuck in a problematic position. after seeing the first few rows of people's cars being blown up, you hurried and rushed to try to get out of yours and run out as completely fast as you could.

while you had got out, it wasn’t a completely successful mission.

you had moved to get out right at the last second, the car blowing before you even made it past the second car door window. the blast sending you in the air before landing you on your side harshly and onto the concreted, hard, road ground.

a painful cry left your lips as you felt the rough impact, your side feeling like it was crushed completely in. you were grateful though, internally grateful that you weren’t dead or yet blown up into pieces. that wouldn’t be good.

you couldn’t move, not even an inch. after a second you had start to believe you were beginning to go even more crazy when you saw a glimpse of red and blue start to soar and web through the air as it try to help citizens get away while beating up the tentacle guy as you like to call him.

it was spider-man or peter parker. the boy behind the mask that was all over the news and every social media platform there is and all around the school you attend that he attends as well. even had his own glassed window with decorated stuff just for him inside it.

and there he was, fighting the guy right ahead of you.

while everyone else was evacuating and running far, far away as possible. you were stuck, in the same position and same spot. and you don’t think you can get up, your body just will not let you at all. when you saw a car flying in the air that was dangerously close to you, you decided then. you had to get up. you couldn’t just lay there and wait to get imploded, you refused to. with a push of your hands on the warm ground, you begin to try and lift yourself up and off the road.

a loud cry escaped from your lips as soon as you tried to get up, the paining sound alerting spider-man who wasn’t so far from you as soon as the cry left you.

you saw the boy snapped his head in your direction, the large eyes of the masks boring into you from a couple ways down before he turned to a black truck that was leaning on the edge of the bridge, seconds away from dropping.

“don’t worry ma’am! i’m coming!!!” you hear him screamed, towards the woman that was in a car ahead of you, dangling right off the edge of the bridge. his voice picking back up soon after. “don’t worry other ma’am! i’m coming too!!” he addressed you as loud as he could so you could hear him.

you can hear the woman you supposed was the lady dangling in the car faintly scream the name “peter” frighteningly. a few seconds later you saw the car falling down and seeing peter web it and began getting dragged across the road as he tried to catch a hold of the car. soon enough both the car and peter disappeared from your sight, along with the big tentacle guy, he must’ve followed them both. you sighed, laying completely flat on you back with a loud huff.

“and i’m stuck, great”

what you saw was probably a dream but anything is possible at this point so it didn’t really faze you at all when you saw the car that was hanging on the edge of the bridge that you swore you saw fall, come rising and flying up and back onto the bridge. the metal tentacle thingy being the thing that's bringing the car back up and on the road successfully.

soon enough you saw spider-man’s figure running up to the car and making sure the lady who’s in there is safe and okay, but now instead of the cool iron suit now his attire consists of a very wrinkled suit with a tie that’s half destroyed. you also notice how the man that was just trying to kill him was standing right next to him was not trying to kill him anymore.

when peter was done with talking and dealing with the lady in the car, you could see how his face lit up with realization as his mind drifted to you and remember your scream from earlier.

“shoot!” the boy hisses as he quickly makes his way over to the spot where he remembers he saw you at. you see and hear his loud footsteps against the pavements as he runs closer and closer to you.

“uh miss! are you alright?“ he quickly speaks as he reaches you, noticing you laid out on the floor.

“well, i don’t think so” at your words peter head snaps up to your features, noticing your face with wonder before his eyes widened. crouching down to your level on the floor to interact with you more efficiently and easier.

“hey, i know you” he whispers with curiosity, not quite placing his finger on how he knows you and your name. you wince as he felt the spot above your eyebrow where you got cut during the whole incident. you nod at his words with a little smile.

“yeah, we go to mid-town together. i was on the decathlon team with you, peter” at your statement you hear him gasp loudly in realization with a smile on his face.

“right! smartie pants, wasn’t it?” he teased with a chuckle as you laughed along with him at the memories of him and the others members on the team calling you that. “just messing with you, y/n” you smiled at the remembrance of your name.

a quick beat of seconds passed before he lifted you up or more like he tried. a shriek leaving your lips as he did so, the aggravating pain in your side screaming at you as he kept you lifted and balanced by his hands.

“are you okay?” his concerned voice questions as he looked you over. you nod your head with a sigh heaving from you, eyes closing shut momentarily at the sensation from your injury. “hey, if you’re hurt, which you clearly are, you can tell me you know. i’m kinda a superhero”

you lightly scoff. “oh yeah, cause you fighting a guy with metal tentacles wasn’t a good enough example”

peter giggled at your sarcasm before raising a brow, waiting for you to comply and tell him what’s hurting you. “its my side, landed pretty badly on it when my car went boom during the whole thing” you responded with a hiss. peter nodded in understanding before looking around at the wrecked bridge before looking back at you. “well obviously you can’t get up, barely sit up at that, you know i don’t mind carrying you. i can swing you to the hospital”

you nod in relief and chuckle lightly, “yes please, but can i make a request?” you asked while peter began moving his arm under your legs while his other one supported your back, picking you up bridal style.

you hear the brunette boy hum with a friendly “sure” coming from in response.

“can you please swing me gently? it hurts with every movement” peter laughs before nodding, accepting your request. “it’ll be a bit bumpy but sure”

[cloverrover]

History Drunk

AN: to the last anon I have, pls send me more requests y'all, I will post it end of tomorrow at the latest. Inspiration for it hasn't hit until now but alas. Until then I wanted to post this because other than my classes and work I've have inspo for nothing else

Warnings: cursing, fluff, slight angst? not beta read so

WC: 748

“Welcome. My friends. History! As you drunk it.” You watch your boyfriend, speak to the camera, making sure that he doesn’t accidentally knock anything over.

Somehow you had gotten Simu to agree to an episode of Drunk History and now you were here, working, in your apartment with a drunk as shit Simu rambling about Genghis Khan and thinking that it’s ok for him to knock over the lamp you had gotten for Christmas.

“Babe. Don’t knock the lamp over.” Looking at him, you give him a hard stare, one that rarely comes out and only when there’s something extremely stupid going on.

“So Khan. Right? Fearsome warrior.”

You’re trying to focus on your job, being a production assistant and all, while also making sure your boyfriend doesn’t out the relationship more than he already has. You had to explain to your bosses why the address Simu had given them, was the same and the one listed in your file. So you weren’t looking forward to editing how much you know you’ll need to.

“Now, how many Marco Polos went to Khan?” He’s smiling at you like you’d know he was talking about the show. And you knew he was talking about the show, something you had wanted to watch with him. But he didn’t need to know that you knew.

“Right babe?” He’s pointing at you now. “You know. Cuz of the show?”

Now he’s giggling much like a school girl trying to hide the obvious glitter mess she made.

“Baby I gotta help work on this episode, then we can cuddle.” You tell him when he starts to make grabby hands at you. But then you still refuse, and he’s pouting. He’ pouting, while your coworkers and bosses are laughing, and this grown man is pouting like a child.

You’re staring at him like he’s grown 3 heads. And to him, maybe he had. But all he knew was that he was happy, was floating, and you were there.

“So right, absolute loyalty, the kind a girl wishes her frat boy had,” insert hiccup, “but he had all kinds of loyalty surround him. Do you know why?” He’s asking you directly, and you know then and there you won’t be working much now. Your goal is to get him to not make too much a fool of himself, or you, and to get through this unscathed.

“Why is that babe?” You sit with him on the couch, giving your work friends a glance they know that tells them they won’t be having your help for the rest of the filming.

“Because,” hiccup, “he was generous. He let those practice their religion, freely, so long as they ultimately bowed down to the great Khan. The Khan ruled all of Mongolia, and if they respected Mongolia, he respected them!”

Mans’ is straight giggling at this point, and, while he isn’t wrong, he’s a giggling mess and you can’t wait to see the episode when it airs. And eventually he moves on through history, though prompted most of the time. The crew is beginning to pack things up when you try to make your way to your room to set aside a few items, when a warm body stops you.

“You should know I have a girlfriend, and this is a no zone.”

Oh Lordie is your boy drunk, and drunk is he entertaining. He doesn’t drink often, so whenever the opportunity arises to watch drunken antics, you cherish it. Even if you don’t drink much yourself. But you’re tired and just want to get in bed, and Simu isn’t letting you.

“Babe I know you have a girlfriend. I am said girlfriend.” Pointing at the picture of the two of you on the wall, Simu only squints at it before a big smile takes over his face. Next thing you know he’s got you in a bear hug and mumbling drunken words about how the love of his is back and how much he missed you.

By the time you’ve finished your nightly routine and go back to the bedroom, Simu is snoring on the mattress. You’re leaning against the doorframe and take a minute to just look at him. You know this man is your endgame. Even when you move, practically, dead weight underneath the covers so he doesn’t get cold in the night. Even when he’s giggling into your neck when you cuddle in close. Even when you’re fighting about nothing and everything important.

Even when.

[clairecrive]

can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?

Mr Perfectly fine

A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.

(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)

for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page

Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)

Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm

Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)

(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)

Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.

No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.

Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.

Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.

That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.

Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?

That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.

“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.

After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.

“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?

“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.

“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.

“He’s the bravest of us all,”

“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.

“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.

After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.

“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.

“Only from my mum.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.

“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.

“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”

“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”

“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.

“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.

“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.

While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.

“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.

“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”

Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.

Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.

“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.

After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.

“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.

“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”

“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.

You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.

And so this was how it all started.

Mr. "Perfect face"

Mr. "Here to stay"

Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"

Everything was right

Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.

To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.

He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.

“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.

“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel.”

“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”

“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.

“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.

“No one seems to know much about you.”

“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”

“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”

“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”

“We’ll see.”

That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.

The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.

Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.

"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.

You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"

Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.

You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.

You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.

You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.

Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.

The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.

The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.

As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.

The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.

“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.

“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.

“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.

“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.

“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.

Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.

He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.

The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.

Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.

However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breaking mine?

I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye

And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"

You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.

As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?

No.

You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.

He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.

You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.

You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.

Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.

When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.

Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.

He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.

The nichevo’ya, he called them.

He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.

He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.

In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.

When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.

It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.

“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”

“The thrill of adventure?”

“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”

“Is that why you follow him?”

“I owe everything to him.”

“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”

“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”

“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”

“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”

“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”

“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”

“Amuse me.”

“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.

“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”

“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”

You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.

If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.

“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.

“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.

“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?

Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.

They were Grisha.

They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.

Mr. "Never told me why"

He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.

There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.

“Release me- this instant, or else-”

“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.

“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.

“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.

“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.

“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”

Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.

Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.

It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.

Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.

You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

So dignified in your well-pressed suit

So strategized, all the eyes on you

Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"

So far above me in every sense

So far above feeling anything

Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.

On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.

Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.

You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.

It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.

But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?

You still couldn't figure it out.

Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.

It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.

You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.

You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.

You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.

So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?

Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.

That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.

And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.

"Am I that bad of a host?"

You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.

"Move out of my way, your highness."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.

"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."

"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.

"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."

"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"

"You never did like opening up much."

"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.

His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?

"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.

"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."

"You think I'd let him?"

"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"

"Be my guest."

"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."

"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."

"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."

“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”

“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.

“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”

“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.

“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”

“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”

“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.

“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.

“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that’s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”

“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.

“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.

“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”

“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.

“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.

“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.

“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.

“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”

His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.

And someday maybe you'll miss me

“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.

Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.

But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"