#i PROMISE writing things that make people sad is not in my wheelhouse

[thaliagrayce]

I originally planned on turning this into an Orpheus and Eurydice style fix-it, but that would mean spending more time in a universe where Jason’s actually dead.... So in a very out-of-character move, have some jasico angst

The news that Jason Grace was dead took a surprising amount of time to reach Nico. He was a child of Hades, intimately familiar with death. He could sense when his loved ones died, he should have known right away.

Unfortunately, at the time, he had been a little bit busy almost dying himself.

He looked up, snarling, into the face of the chimera that had managed to pin him, leaning  onto the massive paw it had placed on his chest. He could feel the chill of his sword, its hilt just barely inches from his extended fingertips, but there was no way he could actually wriggle enough to reach it. He fought to keep his eyes open, both against the crushing lack of oxygen and the exhaustion sinking into his bones from his last jump—it had been a big one, he had dropped in on an elderly couple in Hunan province whose tool shed he had accidentally destroyed during a misjump when he was first figuring out shadow travel. There was no way he could muster up enough power to summon a singular bone, let alone enough undead to actually help him out of this situation.

The beast leaned closer, exposing its teeth in a way that might have been a smile on anything else. Nico could smell rot on its breath, but not for too long—it leaned a little more weight on his ribs, and he heard something crack. When he tried to breathe in again, fire shot through his chest. He couldn’t raise it. The chimera was only getting heavier. This was it. He would die with his sword two inches from his hand because he was too tired from seeing Mr and Mrs Li to summon so much as a dead rat. Black crept in around the edges of his vision as the teeth above him got ever closer.

A deep chill spread through his gut and clawed its way up his spine, bringing with it the sort of grief that he hadn’t felt since he was ten. It was just as potent as he remembered, the stinging, the nausea. It felt as if someone had filled a ladle with water from the Styx and trickled it over his back, pouring with precision onto the column of his spine and ensuring that it seeped into his bones themselves.

Someone had just died, someone he had loved. Nico almost assumed that it was him, but even in that moment, the thought didn’t make sense. Yes, he was dying, but he had never loved himself enough to warrant this grief.

He heard a scream, then nothing.

He didn’t expect to wake up few days later, brought to his thoughts by the gentle glowing orange of late afternoon sun hitting his closed eyelids, but life had always had a way of surprising him. The air was warm and welcoming in a way that reminded him of summer, a sure sign that he was in the infirmary back at camp—the warmth was a side effect of the constant presence of Apollo kids that lasted all year long. He felt soft sheets around him, and weight on top of him from several blankets. It kept him grounded.

Despite all the warmth of the room, the strange chill from earlier remained. He knew he was warm, but his bones hadn’t gotten the message.

He opened his eyes slowly, squinting against the sunlight filtering directly into his eyes. It must have been just before sunset based on the angle of the sun and the amount of people in the infirmary—there were no unlucky campers with splinters from ill-made arrows or hot glue burns. With normal camp activities done, the only people left in the room were himself, the medic on duty—Nico couldn’t quite make out who it was, they had their back to him and were just at the edge of his vision—and a 12-year-old Hermes kid with her arm in a cast snoring away in a cot across the room.

He tried to sit up, but couldn’t make it all the way before black started closing in the edges of his vision and he got lightheaded enough for concern. He fell back into the pillows heavily, huffing out an accidental sigh as he hit the bed. Within moments, the medic was at his side. It was Kayla Knowles, which was somewhat of a relief to Nico. She had been sympathetic after the breakup, and was less likely to be weird about healing him than most of the Apollo kids. He appreciated that.

“Whoa, whoa, there. You were pretty beat up when you came in, take it easy for a bit.” She walked away for a moment and came back with a mug of steaming nectar—he could recognize the smell, rich and chocolaty with an undertone of coffee-smell—but raised an eyebrow at the presentation. He’d never had warm nectar before, but if Kayla was giving it to him like this, it was probably fine. A little weird in June, but fine. She set the mug down on his bedside table and helped him sit upright, and he tried to let neither the skin-to-skin contact nor the fact that he needed help to sit upright bother him too much.

“What happened out there? I didn’t think that there was anything left that could actually get the drop on you like that.”

He grimaced as he took the mug, holding it close to his chest. The unsettling cold had faded in most of his body, but it was stubborn right around his ribs.

“Unlucky timing on a jump. I was already worn out, the chimera was in the right place at the right time.” He brought the nectar to his lips and blew on it a few times before taking a long pull. It burned his tongue, but he could feel the heat of it on its way to his stomach. It eased some of the cold and an ache in his side that he hadn’t even realized was there until it started to fade.

Kayla was still there, looking at him with an expression that he didn’t have enough energy to figure out. He didn’t feel like he was in danger anymore, but maybe he was wrong.

“What’s the damage?”

Kayla blinked, like she hadn’t been expecting him to talk. She looked around and found a stool to pull up, which immediately made the nectar in his stomach lurch uncomfortably—Kayla seemed to like him okay, but none of Will’s siblings ever really hung out with Nico of their own volition anymore. If Kayla was settling in for a conversation with him, it had been bad.

“Umm, a few broken ribs, a whole lot of bruising. Few puncture wounds from those claws, but Butch got there before anything really bad could happen.” That must have been the shout, then. Nico made a mental not to thank Butch when he healed up enough.

Her explanation didn’t make sense, though. He had been through a few broken ribs and some bruising before. He had dealt with suffocation, as well. It hadn’t warranted special treatment or kid gloves any of the other times. He didn’t say anything else, just looked at Kayla expectantly. She had never been able to keep quiet when there was something she wanted to say.

She broke within half a minute.

“You were also, like—you were shivering when he brought you in, and it wasn’t the fade, like before—I got the weighted blanket just in case, and everything, but you were still 100%, like, here. Just shivering like it isn’t June out there. You were cold to the touch.”

He glanced down at the mug in his hands, the blankets covering his legs. They were almost enough to make him feel warm.

The chill hadn’t been weather, and it hadn’t been foreshadowing of his own death. Kayla was still there, at her brother’s weird ex’s side. She looked concerned, and he realized it might not have ever been for his physical state. He took another sip of the nectar and tried to enjoy its taste.

“Who was it, Kayla?” He didn’t look up from his hands as he spoke. There weren’t many people that would affect him like this, he knew that. He couldn’t stop thinking about one of them in particular, a set of dimples he would trade his left arm to see again. The Fates wouldn’t be cruel enough to take his sister from him twice, would they?

Kayla let out a breath. “Jason Grace.”

The flicker of relief he felt at not hearing Hazel’s name was immediately overwhelmed at the—grief? No, that wasn’t a strong enough word for it. Jason was full of life, full of dorky jokes and strength of character and kind smiles. He was dependable and strong and the first person outside of Nico’s own family to actually listen when Nico was speaking. They understood each other in a way that Nico wasn’t used to, but it felt good in a way that overwhelmed him—almost scared him. Nico’s emotions now didn’t feel like a punch to the gut, or like a tide that was threatening to choke him. They were like—

His heart and his body were a dying forest that had seen one too many months without rain, and this news was lightning. It ripped through him and he knew it was true before he had fully processed the words.

He was burning.

[zkfanworkweek]

ZFAW Fan Content Creator Interviews: HayleyNFoster

Hey everyone! We hope you’re all excited for ZFAW, and to honor (ha!) ZFAW’s commitment to supporting and celebrating fan content creators in the Zutara fandom, we’re going to be rolling out a series of interviews with well-known and widely-beloved content creators over the next few weeks. We’ve got artists and fanfiction authors, some names you recognize as well as a few phenomenal up-and-coming talents, and we can’t wait for you to meet them all!

For the second interview in this cycle, we have our best propaganda creator and this fandom’s hottest new artist/undisputed queen of the animatic, @hayleynfoster!

1. Tell us about how you came to ship Zutara. What does this ship mean to you?

When I was around 14 or 15 and caught Avatar: The Last Airbender on television, I was drawn in by the art style, the humor, and the wonderful characters. I caught the episodes out of order, and the first one I saw and wasn’t prepared to be sucked in by was The Waterbending Scroll. It intrigued me at that age, and the line “I’ll save you from the pirates” combined with the tension between Katara and Zuko in that whole scene was electrifying. I remember my teenage self thinking these two have so much chemistry! And when I saw a commercial on Nickelodeon that featured fanart submitted by fellow Avatar fans, I realized that I could do that to! So I set about making Zutara fanart for myself. I stumbled onto Youtube, practically in its infancy, and discovered that people set clips of Zuko and Katara set to music (And this was still in season 1 days… so people who made these amvs were the real mvps because they were able to make compelling narratives in their amvs with like practically nothing to work with!). The AMVs really spurred my interest in this couple, I remember distinctly one Zutara AMV using the Dido song White Flag utterly capturing my imagination. I found fandom shortly after, getting into deviantart and forums. But the ship really began to mean something to me when, as I was working on my drawings in the computer lab at school, a buoyant presence hovered over my shoulder noticing my Zutara art on the computer screen. The girl was someone I had never really talked to and had only seen from afar but she immediately started excitedly saying she shipped Zuko and Katara too! In this simple shared obsession, I made one of the best friends I’ve ever had and we’re still friends to this day. We would theorize and fangirl over Avatar like it was nobody’s business; we poured over bootleg San Diego Comic Con footage that showed spoilers for season 2 before it aired; we lost our freaking minds when we finally saw The Crossroads of Destiny. We had watch parties every week as Season 3 of A:TLA aired, and comforted each other when the show ended as it did (much ranting was shared). Those are some of my happiest memories from high school… all because this one pairing from this wonderful show. Even though Zutara didn’t happen, we still chat every now and then about it. Zutara will probably be a lifelong obsession, always bubbling under the surface. And without it, I would have never realized that animation was a viable career path. It really did inspire everything including the work I’m doing to this day in the animation industry. I owe a lot to this ship and to Avatar: the Last Airbender.

2. What inspires you to create zutara fanworks?

The resurgence of Avatar: The Last Airbender this year really helped sort of spark that dormant love I had for Zutara. The show’s ending still disappointed me on the rewatch, but Zuko and Katara’s relationship arc was as captivating as ever, so I turned to some fanfiction and looking at people’s pretty Zutara art and AMVs to just revel in fanon instead of getting to hung up on the actual ending of the show. But then I realized, with quarantine and my work load being pretty light, I had time to actually make all new Zutara art for myself, art I was never fully capable of making as a kid, but now could do with my 7 years of industry experience and just… life experience. And I was inspired to do some corrective animatics to satisfy my own desire for a different ending. I just really like exploring these two characters, doing different and interesting things with them, and frankly I’m inspired to make cute, fluffy, romantic art simply by virtue of living in a really sad and depressing world. Things are so crazy right now, creating art about two characters I love being in love, is comforting. And it helps to have inspiring music and amazing Zutara amvs to just sort of stir up my emotions and imagery in my head to make into animatics and art.

3. Be selfish - if you could request one fanwork based on your own art/fanfic, what would it be? What would you absolutely love to see someone create?

Ohhhh… Well, It’s always nice to have people write fanfiction that puts words to my animatics. I am not that great at coming up with dialog myself, so I’ve just chosen to indulge in visuals and emotions for my boards. But when I read things like RideBoldlyRide’s take on my Reunion Animatic, it makes me pretty giddy. (They finally have voices!) :) And this is the MOST selfish thing I could request, but I’m not shy about saying how much I love well done amvs, so I will literally kill for someone to make Zutara AMVs to songs I like… Like, most of AURORA’s songs but especially Exist for Love, Sunseeker by The Naked and Famous, Promises or Take Me by Aly & AJ, Adore You by Harry Styles, Human Enough by ONR, Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine, and/or Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier just… I can see the AMVs so clearly to any of these songs in my head, but I don’t have the tools or skill set at my disposal to make a compelling fan video. When I was in high school, I originally thought I wanted to go into video editing simply because I loved making very crappy AMVs (they were so bad you guys), but I figured out being a storyboard artist was more in my wheelhouse. haha

4. Any words for people who are new to the fandom and/or nervous about sharing their work for the first time?

If you’re new to the Zutara fandom, just have a good time! Don’t waste too much time arguing with people over your shipping preferences. I wasted so much of my teen years having pointless shipping wars with people on DeviantArt, and I’m just so much happier nowadays because I’m just making Zutara art in my little corner of the internet, and honestly, in the politest of ways, I don’t give a shit if people don’t like my art or Zutara. haha I think that’s sort of a key thing for people thinking of posting creative works here in the fandom, just make art for yourself, satisfy your own desires for the pairing, get your creative sparks flying, and create just for the joy of creating. It’s always nice to get comments and such, but simply making the art should be what spurs you on, not the external validation. And have a good time, don’t worry too much - I say as someone who worries about EVERYTHING. But honestly, making art for A:TLA is some of the most relaxed I’ve been because I make it just for me. I’m lucky others seem to like it too!

5. What’s an idea for a fanwork that you have but haven't gotten around to making?

I have an idea for a second generation storyline with my Zutara kids that involves Kya (the eldest firebending daughter) falling in love with an airbender boy (tentatively named Gora in my headcanon who’s a bit of a rabble rouser and one of Aang’s kids he had with a Kyoshi Warrior), and then they start a socialist revolution in the Fire Nation in order to dismantle all of the hierarchical societies across the Avatar world… Together Kya and Gora Fan the Flames of revolution… ehhhhh... Get it?? Oh! Oh, and then Katara, who had put in legit liberal reforms in her time as Fire Lady listens to her daughter after resisting in the first part of the story, but then realizes she can actually play a part in the dissolution of the royalty and is also active in the revolution realizing that moderate liberal reforms are no substitute for a society free of serving royalty (which she had always been uncomfortable with but had rationalized with herself that she was doing good in her capacity as Fire Lady.) I just feel like there’s a lot of cool potential for discussing these ideas and also having some aspirational change in the Avatar world. lol For aesthetics and just happy fluffy times, I can indulge in Fire Lady and Fire Lord Zuko stuff, but really at the end of the day, I take issue with the structures in a society that have to exist for monarchies to exist. Soooo, I kind of want to do my own corrective story for that… if I ever have the time or guts. On a less ambitious note, I would love to do a Zutara sparring animatic to practice doing action, but I need a good story; I am not good at doing fights just for fighting’s sake. Those are just some things I have rattling around in my head.  

6. Are you participating in ZFAW? If so want to give us a hint as to your plans?

Yes! The most I can say is I have one animatic almost finished and one that’s still being thumbnailed. The rest are probably going to be comics or emotive single pieces based on the fanfics I really like right now. :)

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Now that the initial shock has worn off--mostly--I feel like I can ramble about the Supergirl comic news in a more coherent fashion.

Under a cut because there’s a good chance it’ll be long. XD 

So yeah! Tom King, writing Supergirl. Wild!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been jokingly entertaining the notion that King’s teased ‘Super’ project would actually be a Supergirl thing, but I always assumed that if it was, in fact, a Supergirl thing, it would be in the vein of Mister Miracle or Strange Adventures--a prestige, out-of-continuity take, possibly featuring an older Kara, from pre-crisis continuity. Maybe interrogating the whole, ‘her most famous story features her death’ thing. 

I never expected mainline, in-continuity, teenage Kara from him. 

As I said, wild!

Wild, because King is like. A HUGE name in comics, and his wheelhouse is primarily Sad Dads. He’s also known for making really controversial, polarizing decisions WRT characterization of fan-favorite characters. (See: Wally in HiC, Batman in Batman, etc.) 

So, like. I get that immediate ‘What?! Oh no!’

...But also...

He’s written Superman: Up in the Sky, which, barring one particular issue, is an extremely good Superman story.

(The whole premise of Up in the Sky is that Superman leaves earth to rescue an orphan girl who’s been kidnapped by aliens. The issue that’s a bit ‘yikes’ features Clark trying to reach Lois from deep space, and he can’t, so he’s imagining that something terrible has happened to her. That, I feel, is a perfectly fine, in-character reaction, and an idea worth exploring. HOWEVER, in execution, it ends up being Lois dying in several different, awful ways on-panel, which...yeah. Kinda Yikes! I can’t remember if it was terribly graphic but, still. I don’t think it needed to be seen, you know?)

So aside from that misstep? A really good Superman story.

(On the topic of King and Lois, I frequently cite his story in Action Comics 1000 as an example of a writer just being like, ‘screw it, Lois is alive 4 billion years in the future, and still with Clark.’ So I give him props for that.) 

Back to Up in the Sky--King’s referenced that in describing Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow, so. That’s mostly a positive!

The ‘Tom King’ thing also starts to make more sense once you look at like, the money/sales side of things. I’ve already seen a bunch of tweets from people who are like, ‘I’ve never read a Supergirl comic before but I’m gonna get this because you’re writing it!’

Yeah. I see you, DC. I see you. XD

We’ll probably never know the behind the scenes stuff, but I gotta wonder if this wasn’t so much DC choosing King as King wanting to do this, and DC letting him.

Another valid criticism/concern I’ve seen mentioned: Another dude writing Supergirl!

Which...yeah! Kinda crummy! Would be nice to see a woman write Supergirl for more than, you know. Three issues.

(Side note, though: personally I do not ascribe to the ‘only men can write men, women write women’ thing. That’s kind of a separate topic, but I mention it here because I don’t automatically assume that a book will be better/worse based on the gender of the person writing/drawing/etc.)

(For instance! Bennett just churned out one of the worst Supergirl comics I’ve ever read so...it’s equality! Anyone can write an awful Supergirl story!)

Speaking of Bennett...

The solicit text...kinda sounds like Future State 2.0, which...

Is not promising.

It’s really weird, IMO, that DC is like...letting such similar premises happen back-to-back? 

A lot of DC books are incorporating stuff from Future State but this isn’t so much, ‘teasing out plot threads’ as like. Just doing it over again. XD

I mean. Worst thing that can happen is we get another ‘dead in the backyard with the dog.’

(I’m intensely curious about the DC editorial situation, like. Which pitch came first? Was the Future State Superwoman book always going to happen, what with FS being built from the ruins of 5G or whatever? Did King come up with his stuff at the same time FS was being developed? The world may never know...)

Given that this is King’s next big thing...kinda hoping we get some press coverage and interviews. I wanna get a better sense of like...where he’s coming from. 

Also, it means absolutely nothing re: the book, but I appreciate that King used a gif from the show to respond to some well-wishes on twitter. Specifically, the ‘thumbs up’ gif from one of the season blooper reels. Good choice, sir. 

Okay, enough about King. Let’s talk about the ONE SUREFIRE THING ON THIS BOOK.

BILQUIS. EVELY.

Wait, I take that back. TWO SUREFIRE THINGS:

BILQUIS EVELY, AND MAT LOPES!!!!!

Gosh this book is gonna be so pretty.

Like, just look at this:

Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking: that looks stunning. BUT WAIT!

BOOM. LOOKIT THOSE COLORRRSSSSS! 

Guh, it looks so GOOOOOOD. And it’s just the cover.

(I'm ignoring the sword because I need more info before jumping to conclusions, but as some sharp-eyed folks have noticed, that *might* be a red sun which*might* mean a de-powered Kara, in which case the sword could be used in self-defense. Also, give me a Super wielding a sword over a gun any dang day.)

Evely drew an AMAZING Silver Age Kara back in Sugar & Spike and had a pretty stellar run on Wonder Woman.

Fun fact I just learned from a few interviews she shared recently! Supergirl is the character that got her into superhero comics, and when Giffen was writing Sugar & Spike, he asked if there were any characters she wanted to draw specifically. She said Supergirl, so Giffen made sure she showed up in one of the issues. :D

Also from those interviews: She’s excited about the book, and enjoys working with King. It was harder to figure out the art talk in said interviews (I was using Google translate) but I think...she was saying that there’s some specific influences that folks will pick up on when the book comes out? 

Also, when asked to tease anything about the book she just said Mat Lopes colors and stars.

WOOOOO, pretty space backgrounds, yay!

It cannot be overstated, how pretty this book is going to be. 

Evely’s a little similar to Sauvage in that they both have like...an almost fairytale quality? To some of their work?

(Evely just did a Batman: Black and White story that was quite literally a fairytale.)

But Evely, I think, has a little more range, particularly in the area of expression/acting.  

And Lopes knows how to make her work shine. 

Who knows about the writing though. XD On the one hand, the bar for bad Supergirl comics is so incredibly low, but also.

...Future State.

*shudders*

TL;DR: I refuse to let myself get excited for the story side of this because you could make an IHOP-size omelet, with all the egg on my face from my Future State hopes, but if nothing else: EVELY. DRAWING. SUPER. GIRL. *wild muppet flailing* 

[testosterlonely]

of teacups and teleportation circles

When your fiance sends you a 3 am text about his idea for a Clayleb fic, you write that fic for him. Set a few years after the Nein are done adventuring. Caduceus breaks his favorite teacup and Nott and Caleb are on the case. 

---

Things were finally good for Caleb Widogast. He lived happily in the Blooming Grove with his husband Caduceus Clay. Their romance had been slow, almost painfully slow at times, but when the day finally came that the Mighty Nein were ready to go their separate ways, Caduceus simply took Caleb’s hand and told him, “You’re coming home with me. You are my family.” And he did.

The Grove was finally healthy and thriving again, and there was never a shortage of dead people tea to drink and strange mushrooms to eat. Their friends visited the two men occasionally, and every few months Nila would come to watch the Grove so Caduceus and Caleb could go visit their friends, who had spread across the continent - Beau had returned to Zadash, where she reunited with Keg, Fjord and Jester had found themselves back on the Menagerie Coast. Nott and Yeza returned to their home near the river, and Yasha took herself wherever the Stormlord led her. She was their most frequent visitor, stopping by for a few days to a few weeks, quiet and serene.

One sunny morning, Caleb sat peacefully at their kitchen table, absentmindedly rubbing Frumpkin’s head as his husband prepared breakfast - heating the tea kettle, chopping mushrooms and potatoes, lightly toasting the homemade bread that Caleb loved the most, the mundane household sounds that he had learned to love - when he heard a sudden crack.

Caleb looked over with a start to see a look of distress on his husband’s face,  his gaze caught on something on the ground. “Liebling, what is wrong?” Caleb asked, before discovering what had caused his husband’s sadness - shattered on the floor was Caduceus’ favorite teacup.

Caleb remembered the day he gave Caduceus the small, pale pink cup, dotted with the tiniest of flowers. He and Nott had taken a day to themselves in Zadash, a few weeks before the wedding, to figure out what Caleb would wear for the special day. Nott, naturally, was excited to force Caleb to try on as many ridiculous ensembles as she could, and Caleb complied, if only to see the joy on his best friend’s face.

After a few hours and a few shops, Caleb and Nott were exhausted, and stopped at a tiny shop near The Invulnerable Vagrant to grab a pastry and perhaps a hot drink. The first thing that caught Caleb’s eye, however, was a tiny pale pink cup, dotted with grey flowers. It ended up being the only purchase of the day - in the end, Jester made Caleb’s wedding apparel, and Caleb was so excited about the cup that reminded him of his husband-to-be that he wanted to return home immediately. The shopkeeper had wrapped up the cup and the two parted ways, Caleb using the Teleportation Circle he had convinced Pumat to let them set up in the back of The Invulnerable Vagrant to head home.

He kept the cup in his Bag of Holding until the next morning, when Caleb snuck out of bed early to attempt to make breakfast for Caduceus and bestow upon him his new teacup. Naturally, it went poorly, with smoke pouring out of the small cottage’s kitchen. The burning smell woke Caduceus, who laughed for nearly an hour at his fiancé’s mishap. The cup, of course, was perfect, and the day was saved by the two men cleaning up the kitchen and going back to bed to try again later.

“My love, I’m so sorry about your cup,” Caleb whispered in his husband’s ear, throwing his arms around his waist.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s just a cup,” Caduceus answered, in a tone that clearly conveyed “It’s not okay.”

The two finished preparing and eating their breakfast in a somber silence, broken occasionally by Caleb’s unsuccessful attempts at humor. Caleb even debated casting Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, desperate for the firbolg’s smile or laugh.

Caleb wrestled with himself about what to do for a few hours, watching his husband mope around the house. Eventually, he knew the correct solution to his problem.

“Liebling, I’ll be gone for a few hours, but I’ll be back soon,” Caleb promised Caduceus, kissing him on the cheek and grabbing his cloak. He had a few trips to make before the day was done.

First, to Nott’s. The goblin was unsurprised at Caleb’s appearance, as she had grown accustomed to the human showing up randomly at the house where she lived with her husband and son. Once she heard the reason for her best friend’s trip, she was ready to head to Zadash, “for true love, of course.”

Next, to Zadash. Caleb and Nott both resolved to never tell Beau that they had been in town and not come to visit her, because they both knew she would never stop complaining about it. But Beau was known to talk, and talk, and talk, and if they stayed with her too long, they’d never finish their mission, and Caleb knew he could not come back empty handed.

Of course, transporting directly into the back room of The Invulnerable Vagrant without warning the Pumats first caused a bit of a stir, but once the firbolgs learned of Caleb and Nott’s mission, all stresses were calmed, and the two went on their way, promising to come back soon for a longer visit on a day when they were not in a time crunch.

---

“I swear the shop was this way,” Nott grumbled after twenty minutes of wandering the few blocks around The Invulnerable Vagrant, searching for the pastry shop from nearly five years ago. “Have you considered, Caleb, that… maybe… the shop is closed?”

“Nein, Nott, Pumat would have told us. These roads don’t even look familiar any more… but The Invulnerable Vagrant has been here for years, and I’ve been here hundreds of times. I should remember the area better.”

“Let’s just ask someone,” Nott decided, wandering up to the first person she saw. The dark-skinned halfling man she found directed them to a shop a few blocks to the east, Beans and Brew.

Beans and Brew had excellent animal-product-free scones (Caleb purchased a few for Caduceus) and passable tea, but was definitely not the shop they were looking for. As they exchanged silver for pastries, they asked the young elven woman running the till if she knew of any other tea shops in the area, explaining the mission they were on. She suggested a shop a ten minute walk to the south, only a few blocks away from Beau’s house, called The Warm Oven.

The Warm Oven smelled of savory herbs and sweet sugar, and Caleb immediately missed his husband, wondering if he was feeling any better. When he had left, Caduceus had been staring forlornly at the broken porcelain on the counter, since neither of them had been willing to part with it yet. However, there were no teacups for sale, and the elderly gnome proprietor was huffy when asked if there were any other tea shops close by, so the two left without purchasing anything or even any other leads.

“This is hopeless!” Nott complained as she and Caleb stood outside of The Warm Oven, hands in their cloaks to protect them from the cold. “We’re never going to find this stupid tea shop! We should just go ask Pumat.”

For once, Caleb had no response. His only goal for the day had been to replace his lover’s teacup, and he couldn’t even do that correctly. “Ja, Nott, we should go talk to Pumat. Maybe he can make a custom one. A bit out of his wheelhouse, but perhaps.”

---

“Uh, Caleb, you are a transmutation wizard, am I correct?” Pumat Prime asked Caleb a few minutes later, after Caleb and Nott fully explained the scenario that had brought them to Pumat’s doorstep.

“Ja, I am, why?”

“Give me just a moment,” the firbolg told them, laughing to himself as he wandered into the workroom. Nott and Caleb stared at each other, bemused, as they waited for Pumat to return. A few moments later, he came back, and handed a scroll to Caleb.

“I’ve been working on this for a while - have you ever heard of the cantrip Mending?” Pumat asked. At Caleb and Nott’s nods, he continued, “This scroll would allow you to use a spell I created myself. I call it Higher Mending. It’s similar to the cantrip, but you can, uh, use it on slightly larger objects. It uses a third level spell slot, and, uh, you would have to copy it, but, I think it would be able to help solve your problem.”

“Pumat Sol, I could kiss you,” Nott blurted out as soon as the firbolg finished his sentence. “You are an angel, a god among men - uh, firbolgs - a saver of love, a king-” she continued, before being cut off by Caleb.

“Pumat… this is perfect. How much do I owe you?” Caleb asked quietly, heart swelling with excitement.

Pumat just laughed and answered, “This one is on the house. You know I am a sucker for love stories. Now head home to Caduceus and try it out, I’d love to hear how it works. Pumat Two can run the shop for a bit, I’ll take Nott home. I wanted to ask Yeza about some potions we need restocked anyways.”  

Nodding, and wiping off a single small tear - was it excitement? Sadness? Anticipation? Joy? He couldn’t figure out what it was from - Caleb stepped into the teleportation circle and muttered the arcane words that would bring him home to his husband, his cat, and his graveyard.

---

Caleb smiled as he walked into his home, glad he had decided against casting Message to warn Caduceus that he was on his way home, as he saw his husband curled up on the sitting room couch fast asleep with Frumpkin loafed on his chest. He paused to kiss his husband on the forehead - quietly, as not to wake him -  before settling himself in to the desk a few feet away from the couch with his spellbook, the scroll, and his ink. He spent the next hour copying over the spell while his husband slept peacefully, finishing just as Caduceus began to stir from the couch.

“Hello liebling, I have a special surprise for you,” Caleb said excitedly when he was certain Caduceus was awake enough to fully comprehend what a conversation was. He pulled the scones, slightly crushed, out of his bag and handed them to his husband. “Look, I got pastries.”

“That’s great, love,” Caduceus said, smiling as he smelled the spicy cinnamon of the scones. “We shouldn’t eat them now, though, it would ruin our supper.”

“Liebling, I think tonight we should have sweets for supper! Sweets and tea!” Caleb exclaimed, pulling Caduceus off the couch and into the kitchen.

“Caleb, I’m not sure I’m in the mood for tea, after earlier,”  Caduceus said, a slight tone of sadness in his voice.

“I have something to do about that too! Pumat gave me this spell. Here, sit down for a second, let me show you.” Pulling his spellbook out of its holster and placing the shattered porcelain onto the table, he focused his energy into the arcane words Pumat’s scroll taught him, and watched with excitement as the teacup slowly began to reform, pulled together by a shimmering purple light.

“There. All better. Even the most breakable of things can be saved by love, and maybe a little magic, mein liebling,” Caleb whispered into his husband’s ear. Both men knew that the teacup was not the only thing in their home that had been saved by love.

That night they had tea and sweets, and there was laughter and joy. A life neither man had dreamed of, held together by love. Things were good for Caleb Widogast, and he finally believed he deserved it.

[deltaengineering]

Summer Anime 2018 Part 1: Nurupo

I feel bad for calling last season weak now, since that turned out okay, what with Megalobox, Hinamatsuri and Rokuhoudou (the best show you didn’t watch). Maybe this is a lesson to not be so negative, but all the positivity in the world can’t make this season look good. To balance it out, I’ll be bringing along some hot opinions from people getting paid to see the bright side this time.

P.S. Part 2 is here.

Island

What: A very Frontwing version of When They Cry, apparently. Awesome McCooldude wakes up on an island full of pliant girls and/or dark secrets.

✅  looks alright

❌ story is tryhard mystery nonsense based on convenient amnesia, very unlikely to deliver

❌❌ an absolutely terrible cast of generic VN characters, enjoy your common route hijinks with them

❌❌ Frontwing being Frontwing, please see picture.

ANN sez: “This episode accomplishes the two things that it absolutely must for the series to have a chance of succeeding: it makes the main trio of girls endearing enough and layers on some intriguing mysteries.”

Hanebad!

What: Some girls take badminton very seriously. Somewhere between genocide and extinction level event seriously.

✅  well animated and directed

✅  there appears to be more to the characters than nothing at all, so the overbearing presence of the drama llama might actually pay off

❌ has a tendency to wallow in ostentatious KyoAni-style presentational kitsch

❌ speaking of which, making the cast of Euphonium look like a bunch of carefree slackers by comparison is not a good thing

ANN sez: “From the lush colors of their school's flowers to the alienating saturation and long shots of their gym hallways, every mood HANEBADO strives for is captured perfectly through its visual storytelling, and solidified through fundamentally sturdy dialogue and plotting.”

Senjuushi

What: Touken Ranbu with firearms.

❌ This is a cute boys doing cute things anime set against a backdrop of global thermonuclear war and combining the ultra seriousness of ufotable TR with the slice of life tone of Doga Kobo TR makes for a very, let’s say, “uneven” experience. 

❌  Unsurprisingly, it has the production values of neither of the above and looks like crap instead.

❌❌ The localized title is “The Thousand Musketeers” and given the reckless pace in which it introduces pointless characters, it might actually hit that number in 12 episodes.

❌❌ Mobile game character designs must be stopped, for fuck’s sake

ANN sez: “The story itself has some promise, especially if you're a fan of antique guns.“

Shichisei no Subaru

What: VRMMO light novel garbage about MMO newtypes.

❌ High tier light novel tropes like “u die in the game u die 4 real”, grade schooler magical girlfriends and demigod abilities

❌ Yes, the characters start as grade schoolers and then there’s a timeskip where they become high schoolers. They don’t change at all, which is either cutting commentary on arrested development or an indication of how good this show’s writing is.

❌ Ideas like permadeath in an MMO and giving good players a stake in the game company are hilariously stupid even by this genre’s standards.

❌ You’ve seen this exact cast of characters before, likely in better shows.

❌❌ There’s really no single egregiously bad aspect, but the stank of mediocrity is so overwhelming as to deserve a double minus all of its own.

ANN sez: “This episode banks heavily on the appeal of its mysteries, but those mysteries actually are pretty appealing, and I ultimately respect this episode's choice to introduce so much of its world and characters before getting to the real conceit.”

Banana Fish

What: A well regarded classic manga about New York’s seedy gang underbelly of drugs and violence. And BL.

✅ ✅   Looks good. Like actually, legitimately good. Animation, character design, directing, this show is quality.

❌ Updating the setting to contemporary times seems like a not so great idea since everything about this is deeply steeped in the mid-80s gang violence and drugs panic, no matter how many smartphones get used.

♎ The pacing is ultra fast. While I will admit that I’ll take that over a snoozefest (especially in a seasonal rundown), if this wants to be a legitimate high tier anime it needs to let the atmosphere breathe more. 24 episodes isn’t much for a 19-volume manga.

❌ I’ve praised MAPPA for promising first episodes before, and then I got the likes of Yuri on Ice and Virgin Soul out of it. This is not an anime original so it will be harder to fuck up, but life finds a way - especially given the need for condensing the story as noted above.

❌ Ultimately, just being a classy production with proven writing isn’t the be-all-end-all; quality aside, I still have to like what it does, and I’m not sure what amounts to a homoerotic 80s crime B-thriller is exactly in my wheelhouse.

✅ What else are you gonna watch this season?

ANN sez: “The one negative I can foresee is that one character is portrayed as a fairly stereotypical gay sexual predator, and this story pitches itself consistently as a seedier exploration of its boys' love subject matter, so it's reasonable to expect these kinds of details going forward.”

Yume Oukoku to Nemureru 100-nin no Ouji-sama

What: Girls get their wish-fulfilment isekai nonsense too, it’s just a pretty pointless definition when you can just say “basic otome harem” instead. But sure, nondescript girl wakes up in fantasy dream universe where she has a magical trait that makes a large number of princes desire her. Call it what you like.

♎ Successfully avoids the most obnoxious otome harem and isekai tropes, but that just makes it even more bland

❌ lots of exposition about an universe that is hardly complicated and transparently an excuse anyway

❌ Main character is agreeable but exceptionally boring

❌ The princes are all generically princely and very little else

❌❌ combine that with sluggish pacing and this might be the most boring show so far, which is not an easy feat

ANN sez: “There were also some neat details here and there that I particularly appreciated, like the fact that our heroine is actually a working adult, as well as the idea that rather than being “trapped in a new world” she's in truth been returned to her home.”

Back Street Girls

What: A trio of yakuza thugs get a forced sex change because their boss wants to be an idol producer. It’s funny, laugh.

❌ This is not the warm, fuzzy trans acceptance anime you’ve been looking for, to put it mildly. I am not easily offended, but it would have to be pretty darn good to outrun this premise. Yeah, about that...

❌❌ runs its one joke (idols are not supposed to be thugs, like, at all!) into the ground before it exceeds a 3-minute short runtime; is actually 24 minutes long anyway. Hope you really like that joke.

❌❌ the execution of said joke is the pits of anime comedy, nothing but reaction faces and shouting

❌❌ production values are basically non-existent, at most you can say that they took the time to color in those manga panels

❌ learning that Chiaki Kon is directing this pile is just sad, put THAT in your auteur pipe and smoke it.

ANN sez: Nothing, since western licensors mysteriously chose to skip this one. Really a shame because I was looking forward to the outrage.

Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo no Dorei Majutsu

What: It has “Isekai” and “Maou” in the title so what do you fucking think. What it doesn’t tell you is that it’s also about an MMO, for the full LN shitter nuclear triad.

❌❌ It’s about a loser otaku who gets trapped in his MMO wherein he has the mostest hax, complete with complementary slave pettan catgirl and slave oppai elf

❌❌ This is meant to be funny because he’s too much of a dweeb to put his penis where his mouth is.

❌ Technically better executed than Death March or Isekai Smartphone, so it gets one single minus for effort.

ANN sez: “The idea that Takuma is so insecure about talking to other people that he can only comfortably speak in the voice of his demon lord character is ingenious in a dramatic sense and endearing in a personal one, while Takuma's clear understanding of his personal failings makes him far more sympathetic than the genre's usual snarky protagonists.”

Satsuriku no Tenshi

What: Early teen girl checks herself into Silent Hill General Hospital for grief counselling.

✅  Atmosphere works reasonably well; it’s creepy where it needs to be, which is everywhere and all the time.

❌ The girl is a nonfactor blob and the tough guy she gets paired up with is an annoying chuuni edgelord (it is called 𝔄𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔩𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔇𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 after all), which is not promising for the long run

❌ So obviously based on a run-of-the-mill spoopy RPGmaker freeware game you can practically see the floor tiles.

❌❌ 24 solid minutes of Getting Cornered By A Rape Metaphor quickly goes from unsettling to incredibly tedious.

❌❌ There’s really nowhere for this to go, given how unoriginal everything is; at best it’s going to be “it was all a dream”, at worst “everyone was dead all along, please feel sad now”.

ANN sez: “The design of the facility is one of those fanciful every-level-is-a-different-setting worlds, but the artistic effort strongly pushes the creepiness factor with a design aesthetic that suggests age, decay, and neglect.“

Harukana Receive

What: Girls play beach volleyball in scenic Okinawa, some light sports drama seems to be on the horizon.

✅  Looks just good enough

✅  Girls are just cute and likeable enough

❌ the sports aspect is weak; maybe I’m just spoiled on Emiya-san’s incredible beach volleyball scene right now, but even when not compared to a top tier studio ostentatiously flaunting the budget of their fucking cooking short the match here isn’t very compelling.

♎ where Hanebad has a bad case of the cereals, this may have the opposite problem of being too cotton candy to be worth it

✅  “good enough” is not a ringing endorsement, but counts for something when being just okay will net you a third or possibly second place of the season.

ANN sez: “This is, of course, all just conjecture right now. ”

Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro

What: We took Nichijou and replaced the surrealism with video game references and the production values with donkey dung. Let’s see if delta notices!

❌❌ Production values are not optional when you want to be Nichijou; it being astoundingly over the top and imbued with impeccable timing is a (or even the) main part of Nichijou’s appeal. Without them you’re left with basic reactionface manzai over awkward situations, the king of comedy.

❌❌ Suffice it to say, this show is 100% trying to be funny, while also 100% not succeeding at being funny.

❌Asscreed is a more original tentpole to rotate your first episode around than the usual Dragon Quest, but not by much.

♎ neurotic nerd main character that is little more than a bundle of social anxieties will be #relatable to anime professionals, observe:

ANN sez: “Chio's overthinking in this situation is both hilarious and painfully true-to-life, with her furious strategizing coming across as both absurd and very familiar to anyone who's not comfortable in conversation.”

Planet With

Wat: Appears to be a tokusatsu/crypto-mecha show aimed at the younger set, with the gimmick being that our protagonist is (initially?) on the side of the villains(?).

✅  Pretty wacky, actually. It definitely doesn’t neatly fit in your square notions of what an anime is, man (unless you’ve watched FLCL).

❌ It seems very uncertain whether the wackiness is in service of anything. It might be To Be Heroine, or it might just be Heybot with fewer fart jokes.

♎ Furthermore, it wants to be intriguing and sort of is, but merely being intriguing is not that hard - you just make no sense and hope for the best. This has the not making sense part down, do you feel lucky?

❌ tries to build up characters by immediately going for the sad flashbacks, which I never like, especially if the rest of the show is eIDLIVE-level nonsense.

❌ Looks mostly fiiiiiine, but is also full of subpar CG

ANN sez: “So if the heroes are fighting against someone who just wants peace, then what does that make them? And more importantly, if they find out that the bears aren't evil, will they stop?”

Hataraku Saibou

What: A cutesy educational comedy about the workings of a human body.

✅  Well made, characters are cute, topic is interesting.

❌ Educational aspect can get in the way; I’m not suddenly giving heavy exposition a pass just because it’s trying to teach me something, especially if it’s things I basically already know.

♎ Will have to show if it can keep coming up with good scenarios. The lung infection in episode 1 was alright and so will probably be the skin cut in the preview, but beyond that I’m not sure what’s left for red and white blood cells to do. I’m not expecting a show with this tone to tackle things like retroviruses, if you know what I mean.

♎ An actual storyline seems like too much to expect, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but not a positive either.

✅  Doesn’t rock my socks off but is an easily watchable show with a fine idea and high production values, which again is hard to say no to right now.

ANN sez: “But since it culminates in one of my favorite scenes from the manga, visualizing sneezing as shooting a torpedo out your nose, I can forgive the random gendering of cells.”

Ongaku Shoujo

What: DEEN are getting in on the idol mobile game anime biz too.

✅  The main character’s gimmick is that apart from being A Honk, she can’t sing for shit; this is moderately funny.

❌ It might have counted for more if that hadn’t come out seconds before the episode ended. Even if it isn’t a momentous twist, it was more of a point of interest than the incredibly bland leadup to it had.

❌  Yeah, “Ongaku Shoujo” is an entirely indicative name of how generic this show is: Music + girls, indeed. I assume “Idols” was taken.

❌ I’m still not sure what the ideal cast size of a show like this is, but 12 idols is Idolmaster turf and as such too many. They have personalities? I think?

❌ a very small handful of cuts aside, woeful production quality; I know picking on DEEN is 2ez but this is not their finest work. Animation snobs can feel proud that there’s no CG dancing here, for the rest of us it’s an object lesson on why CG is the lesser of two evils.

✅  Tumbling SR cards in the ED (which is probably actually the OP) made me laugh; this show can’t even afford URs.

❌❌ Overall, just another idol show. Large cast plus presence of a P-san marks it as Im@s-type – but if you're in the market for an Idolmaster clone with bad looks, I would recommend Wake Up Girls instead because that’s at least pretty real at points.

ANN sez: They’re out for the weekend, ask again later. I suspect it’s nothing funny.

[scuttleboat]

2 meta combo: Bellamy/baton + leadership themes after s4

I. Some disorganized thoughts on Bellamy and the hollow baton…

So I had a particular reading of the presence of the bottle prop in the end scene of 413 and didn’t think about it again afterwards, but this week I’ve read a lot of talk about what it means. So I decided to spill my reaction into one giant post. This is my general contribution to the broad discussion of the Baton as (one of several) symbolic prop for Bellamy’s character state. FYI it should go without saying that anything I write is in the context of being my opinion, but also I speak in declarative sentences a lot because I tend to believe my opinions pretty confidently.  To the point:  I don’t think the bottle is empty bc Bellamy is getting a fresh start.* The straightforward meaning is this: the bottle of liquor is drained when Bellamy gets to it because, as a symbol of power, it’s literally and metaphorically empty. Circumstances have rendered it sad and meaningless. A hollow consolation. It’s like… a really explicit piece of visual irony.

((* fyi, the positive hopeful element in that scene is not the bottle, it’s Raven’s steadfastness + Bellamy honoring Clarke’s memory through survival.))

Just going off of a lot of initial fandom reactions I’ve read on tumblr, some fans were so excited about him getting this baton at the finale that they missed that it was empty. And now that folks are discussing it being empty, there’s like this desire to see it still as a wholly good thing. To hold onto that excitement. Which I totally understand, because it seems like such a romantic idea. That he could inherit the thing that Jaha and all the Chancellors in history had. There’s appeal in that. But… he didn’t, and it’s not–emptiness is not a positive symbol in western media, guys. The bottle is empty because the Baton is a hollow dead object now. No more chancellors, no more Jaha, no more Ark ambitions of old. It represents a past dream that is out of sight of the current characters. He gets to a place where this potential symbol of leadership is in reach, and what’s it to him? This symbol that meant so much to Jaha has been reduced to a passing curiosity by a window. It’s not part of his future. Bellamy can’t preserve it and he can’t even drink it, just like he can’t act on the future of the rest of his people when he’s stuck up in space. His family is out of reach and the girl he loved is gone and the promise of a fresh start on Earth (written! right there on the bottle!) turned out to be an empty promise. They never had a chance… the world was gonna end in 8 months regardless of his and Clarke’s choices. This show is so fucking sad you guys. This is why I made myself cry writing about Bellamy in the Ark after I watched the finale.

The Baton is a piece of visual irony because the bottle now represents the hollowness (the ending) of the thing it used to represent in s1. They could have had Bellamy pick up any prop that had a positive and hopeful indication of his role, but they chose to give him the saddest and darkest prop they could. It’s marginally less depressing than a handgun or a photo. He picks it up but because it’s empty for him. (unlike the friend/family standing beside him, who together represent the true hope and the final image of the delinquents’ fortitude.)   That empty hollow bottle is the fragility of life and the tenuousness of survival in the face of a burning fireball of nature fucking you over (note: also a big whopping symbol visible in the same shot.) It’s the UNFAIRNESS of everything that has happened to these kids since the show started–they tried so hard and got this far and the bottle (the dream of Earth)–is *fucking empty*. They never had a chance on that world. It was always going to end.

[read a lot more below the cut, including meta #2.]

In terms of leadership this is the irony of the hollow Baton: Bellamy, who tried so hard to be a leader who was good and strong, and struggled to find his way, has finally has grown into a person who has a more balanced leadership style. This was foreshadowed in him letting go of Octavia and thematically cemented by him letting Clarke go in 413. Thus meaning he is finally “ready” by The 100’s morbid storytelling standards, finally balanced. Except now he’s faced with a situation where the ONLY thing he actually is in charge of is 6 people in a ghost-filled space bucket. Ding ding ding, it’s irony time! Whoo. XD …Meanwhile the world burns below and his love sacrificed herself…brings us to the other half of the irony, where i agree with pretty much the whole shipdom: they never got to have that drink. Because he didn’t carpe diem, didn’t open himself to the person he loves (thanks @velvet-tread). The universe is having one sick laugh at Bellamy Blake in 413, visually epitomized in that bottle.

I know my dramatic self has repeated this several times, but for real now ok— the Baton is literally empty bc it’s metaphorically empty. Drained of purpose. The old ways are no good, they’re surviving on their own, together. New generation. What matters here and now is that Bellamy and his friends will fight to stay alive as long as they can, even as hope burns away. They have each other and they have time so they’re going to stick together and try to survive. But what does the symbol of the Baton mean to that equation? To their future? Nothing–it’s empty. He’s holding it, accepting leadership, even as it’s a working like a visual pun.

ALL THAT BEING SAID---I do think it's fair to say that it being empty has little to no meaning aside from the fact that it was already drunk in an earlier episode and they needed to keep continuity. In that case, the only symbol that matters is the fact that it says "BATON" on it. Which is legit. BUT if we're going to speculate that its emptiness has meaning, then I'm going to say it definitely has a tragic and ironic meaning.

II. That age old leadership contest this fandom is obsessed with? After 4 seasons I think the point of The 100 is that it’s futile and nobody ‘wins’ bc it’s actually an endless struggle of self that C,B,K,A and J all wrestle with, where the “person” they’re competing with is their own failures until they individually learn to be wiser. That’s why the person who ended up in charge was the young interloper who wasn’t even a player til now….bc our main politically-driven characters aren’t in the story to win the leadership prize in the eyes of fandom, they’re in the story to grow.

I’m gonna go right to the explicit symbols of leadership in 413 and point out this: as of 413’s ending, Clarke’s *not* in charge of the future of their people and Bellamy is *not* in charge of the future of their people–Octavia is. While the show gave Clarke a heroic “death” and gave Bellamy friendship + an empty liquor bottle of used up dreams, Octavia was given the clothes / headpiece of the commander and stepped out to make a speech in front of the last of humanity. She has the support of the former leaders and the faith of the remaining majority. ((Whether you like Octavia as commander or not, that is what’s happening on the show right now. FWIW, I was hoping all season that it’d end with Indra.)) While Octavia is probably gonna be spending 6 years off screen going through what Clarke and Bellamy have gone through the last 4 seasons (i.e. emotional tests of being in power), Bellamy and Clarke both have a *reprieve* of leadership. AND ISN’T THAT KIND OF AMAZING? Bellamy only has to be strong and protective for six of his friends–that small team stuff is right up his wheelhouse. He doesn’t have to make decisions of mass death that cause him a season and a half of self-recrimination and doubt. Likewise, Clarke only has to be strong and protective for one person–she doesn’t have to make those mass death choices that cause her to break down crying or have horrific nightmares. She can love one person, unreservedly, without being torn apart by disparate loyalties.

One of the major themes for all the main characters on this show (except Octavia, who is on a different track) has been “How do I learn be a good leader?“ Well, I think 413 wrapped that up with a pretty bow–if the “bow” is the head/heart convo, Clarke’s choice to sacrifice herself, the Baton, and Octavia’s commander wardrobe. Honestly I could make a whole separate and much longer post about leadership as a journey for Clarke, Bellamy, Abby, Kane, and Jaha (guest starring Lexa and Roan as static roadmarks), but not today. I’ll just summarize and say that I think the last 4 seasons have been about the maturation process of Clarke and Bellamy’s leadership skills, starting as people who have the traits but not the wisdom/practice. Then pile on 4 seasons of triumphs and mistakes. By 413, Bellamy’s maturation process ends in letting go of attachment and Clarke’s maturation process ends in self sacrifice (foreshadowed by her taking the nightblood in 408).

I really really hope that the show uses the timeline to age up the characters in a way that the writers move on from this leadership question. That journey is done–Clarke, Bellamy, Kane, and Abby have all gone through a lot. When we meet them again, I don’t want to see them question their decisions every episode. Let them own their choices and move forward!! They’re grown-ups now omg. Give them all new dilemmas please.

If this is really a reboot for the show and for the characters then let’s tell a new story. “What will we do to survive?” is always gonna be the center of the series but I hope the writers approach it in a new way, that it’s not about the toll of constantly escalating power. That journey is done.  It’s been told, and by the end of s4 our favorites have all grown and changed as a result of it. When the survivors emerge from the bunker neither Clarke nor Bellamy will be in charge–so I hope the show takes this opportunity to try new things for their characters. For example, explore the drama of small group politics. Explore family in a way that isn’t just about conflict. Explore discovering love again when everything you used to understand about your loved one has changed. Explore new people and new alliances and new tests. Let’s see ADVENTURE again.

By s5, Clarke and Bellamy are free of the agonies of traditional leadership, now responsible only to their small family clusters. We’ve never seen them this separate from group obligation. I want to see what kind of people that reprieve has made them. Please @the100writers, show us the characters growing new directions.

[queenofthewaste]

Hi it's 3am (by the time I finished this it was in fact closer to 5am) and I'm so tired and I don't care anymore and this is literally my blog so if I can't be emo here then where? (A diary, I suppose, but shutup)

To preface this, mutuals, whatevs you've seen me go through fandom after fandom and then become a pseudo aesthetic blog so you can handle me angsting a bit. IRLs on the other hand, if you read this I would appreciate you not ever acknowledging this in anyway shape of form bc like. Emotional vulnerability bad (ง'̀-'́)ง

Up until a few months ago I was in a relationship with someone who I cared about very deeply. The relationship itself was not perfect but I was pretty happy, and best I can tell, so was she. Ultimately we broke up because of the fact that she felt she couldn't come out to her family. This wasn't fun for me or anything but its something I was aware of as a possible end so y'know. Whatever.

Unfortunately this break up wasn't even remotely clean. She continued to talk to me, not seeming to get my requests for space and eventually we went back to cuddling and other forms of emotional intimacy that are far oustide of my platonic wheelhouse. At this situation's worst she made some pretty specifically romantic moves towards me, which I would call almost actively callous. Eventually after a few months of going back and forth on whether or not we were talking we (I) actually were firm about it. This was on Halloween, and the following week or so was basically "great" insofar as I didn't have to think about her.

Unfortunately the next week it was my birthday and she turned up on my doorstep after my party upset I had invited some mutual friends, and I helped her with her emotional distress and then walked her home. Then I had no contact. For about a month.

A month later she messaged me on Twitter. Then a week later she turned up somewhere she knew I was going to be (this is somewhat debatable but ultimately I still felt stalked and in a weird way kind of betrayed).

Then nothing until Christmas day when I received an anonymous "I miss you" on this tumblr. Not provable as her like who else misses me lol? (All the creepy men who I keep rejecting but I don't they have my tumblr). Then on NYE she messaged my housemate about me. Then a few days later she does the same.

Ultimately my feeling about all of this are;

I’m sad about the circumstance of the break up. It feels like a waste of something good, but I could probably deal with it better if either of us seemed even remotely happy since it.

I think it’s fucking heartbreaking that someone I cared so deeply for would so quickly become someone I desperately wanted to avoid, the extent to which I want to avoid her is actively depressing in and of itself 

She’s clearly not been doing okay since we broke up (or for a while before we broke up but she’s been more noticeably dysfunctional since we broke up) and it’s so frustrating to watch her feel alienated from her friends (and to an extent have actually alienated her friends) and to engage in self destructive behaviours etc, and have no room, or even right to do anything. 

As an addition to the previous point, I am usually cold to a fault, so I hate how I have been unable to switch off here. I hate that I still care about her the way I do when everything she has done in the past four months has had an active detrimental affect on me.

This is probably the least “valid” feeling to have about the dissolution of the relationship, and I actively consider this to be deeply petty but here we are - I think it’s unfair that she is telling my housemate that she misses me. I think its unfair that she was the one to do romantic things during the messy period post break up. I think it’s unfair that she made a choice and now seems to want to have the sympathy of the person who was “left” or “dumped” or whatever. Fuck you that’s not fair. I haven’t made my feelings about this known. I didn’t message her fucking housemate to tell him I miss her. Of course I fucking miss her but I’m also not a fucking douchebag.

I also feel betrayed by how willing she was to hurt me and mess me around post-break up. She told her friends things she had promised she wouldn’t and generally handled things shittily. Honestly I just want to know why? I didn’t do anything fucking wrong. We didn’t break up even due to shitty behaviour what the fuck did I do to deserve all of this 

I still want to talk to her. I sort of feel like there’s nothing left to say anymore, but I do 

Running concurrently to this is the fact that last year I was voted in to be the president of the Comic Book Society (club) at my university. At the time I was pleased and looked forward to it. One of the people who would be running it with me was a guy I was good friends with. Then he (probably) sexually assaulted me, and (definitely) became super creepy about his feelings for me. I low key told him to fuck off and didn't speak to him for the summer. During which time he got therapy and seemed to improve, and because I didn't want to have to do paperwork I figured I would let him stick around. Of course then he continued to be creepy so I had to tell him to fuck off properly.

The break up I had just gone through, and the fact I had to fire 1/3 of my exec did not make running the society easy, but ultimately neither of those things were the actual problem. 

The problem instead was that my members just. Wouldn't talk. No matter what. I did everything I could. I know I'm often somewhat intimidating but I also know I'm reasonably funny and decent at conversation in general. But over three months these people remained mute and it was infuriating. They wanted a weekly lecture about comics and I'm just not doing that. So I've allowed the society to fold.

Ultimately about this I guess I feel

Sort of betrayed by the guy who was into me, obviously I suppose I shouldn’t have forgiven him after the (possible) sexual abuse, but I was tired and thought maybe it would be fine. But ultimately he was a guy who claimed to care about me/ know me well, and everything he did belied the opposite which is such a fundamental kind of gross that it’s sort of upsetting.

About my society failing? I take on the responsibility personally, even though every piece of evidence suggests there wasn’t much I could really have done to increase turnout, bar become more general interest (Like talk about the movies more) which ultimately defeats the point of the fucking society so. No. Basically, lol, I feel like a total failure for failing to run a society that was clearly doomed to failure from the beginning

ALSO I’m twenty one. Due to issues with my mental and physical health during my A levels I had to spend an additional year in college. I then failed to get the grades I wanted to go the uni I really wanted to go to. As a result of this I came to uni and was a bit “behind” where I wanted to be in life. Then, naturally, of course, I managed to fail a module of my course, meaning I had to resit the whole year. Making me a Twenty One year old First Year. I haven’t told any of my friends about this, meaning I’m consistently lying a bit about what I’m doing. (I did tell my now ex, and am sort of paranoid she may have told someone but whatever) Oh also one of my housemates is resitting his first year, which arguably makes my extended deception worse, because it’s not helped with his self perception. Oh also multiples of my friends are getting engaged now 

I guess the way I feel about this mess of shit is 

Failurex1000

I feel extremely “behind” some idea of where I feel I should be in my life, which is ridiculous because I’ve never had a clear picture of where I want to be and when, so there’s no plan to be behind on 

Failure Failure Failure

I feel somewhat guilty about not informing said housemate bc he’s insecure about resitting, and also insecure about me being arbitrarily “better” than him, but also I have a crippling fear of being seen as weak or stupid and he’s not my fucking responsibility.

Again, the friends all getting engaged thing makes me feel weirdly lagging so. yay

ALSO I live with three boys currently. I say “boys” because despite their status as legal adults, the juvenile term is really more appropriate. One of whom has had a crush on me for a relatively extended period of time now. He claims to be over me, but his behaviours consistently belie that he is not. Another is just generally a bit immature, and screeches down his headset playing shit video games in the middle of the night (this is in fact why I am currently up and writing this) The third is technically fine but he contributes to the general mess and skid marks on the toilet with the seat always fucking up and the hair all over the fucking bathroom dear fucking god 

Summing up this one too;

I have already decided to live alone next year, and have made the arrangements to do so, Though this means I will basically be broke re: disposable money

If I ever see another fucking toilet seat up I’m going to scream

I nearly stabbed my housemate today for waking me up. And now five hours later nearly I have been unable to get any sleep. 

Alot of my complaints about my housemates highlight two specific things for me 

My upbringing required me to be more independent from a younger age. I’m grateful for the relative competence this has provided me earlier on, but also I think I’m becoming resentful, or jealous, of these people who got to be children until even now? I cannot imagine being 19 and behaving the way these boys do (or twenty one and behaving the way my ex does) and I can’t help but wonder about the kind of coddling they must have had relative to my life.

I need my own space. I have had little control of my life and living arrangements for quite some time now (even having spent three months or so technically homeless last summer) and this is potentially my only opportunity to get that so

Finally, Alot of how I’ve reacted to stuff the past few months has made me feel concerned about my mental health? Several years ago I went to a psychologist for an extended period of time (I was forced to lol) and toward the end of the time I was seeing her she mentioned cluster B personality disorders to me. Obviously being a sixteen year old who thought she was fine this made me balk, I started lying to seem neurotypical or whatever the word is now, and then eventually managed to get out of having to go, but now I think there was probably some stock in what she was talking about and am now going to try and pursue this, so I get to dally with the NHS’ adult mental health services.

Summing up

I don’t actually want a diagnosis and on some level think I’m fine but also line up with the DSM of two of the cluster B’s relatively well and am clearly not doing well so my belief that I’m fine is unhelpful

In the end, it is clearly my pride that’s gong to lead to my death. 

Thanks for reading, anonymous internet person or person I know irl stalking my blog/ignoring my request for this to be ignored if you know me irl :I

[kindabraveandlittlestupid]

Everyone needs a good cry. I am not saying I cry often but when I do it’s something worth crying over. I suppose I went through that same masculine numbness that men feel they should put on in their youth. As I got older and realized I could care less what other men think about me I tapped into that emotional depth more willingly exploring sadness and joy, compassion and love with more fervor. Of the things, I do cry about, one is my romantic entanglements (usually at an unwanted end to a relationship) and the second, is a good scene on the silver screen. Today I explore the latter of the two and share some things I cried about in the past because why the fuck not.

**Spoilers Below**

Rome - Titus Pollo Arena Scene

Possibly one of the greatest bromances on screen was that of Titus Pollo and Lucius Vorenus in the show Rome. Legionnaires of Ceasars Army they basically venture through the show as two men who start off as hating each other and slowly become brothers over the seasons. If you haven’t watched this show, I can't recommend this series enough.

The scene that pulled on my emotions comes after Titus had worked as a hired thug/debt collector and killed another man in cold blood for coin. He was eventually sentenced to death by arena combat and stood alone fighting a group of gladiators for his life. Being a veteran soldier and unique luck at avoiding death (which is a theme for Lucius and Titus for the series) he manages to dispatch various gladiators in the arena, all the while crying out “13″ for the Legion he was once apart of.

Meanwhile among the people watching is Lucius Vorenus who was raised up in political status and could not act to help his friend. His eyes burning with tears as he watched on watching the slow death of his friend. By the end of the scene a large gladiator steps out to kill Titus but Lucius is unable to watch any longer and joins his former brother in arms yelling out “13″ to kill the last Gladiator while breaking the law and his status as a newly anointed Senator.

If you do tackle this scene (which is linked above) I suggest watching the show first and develop a depth/understanding for these men relationships to one another. I perhaps blame the music for moving me to tears but its well-executed TV and remains unforgettable in my mind.

Farscape - The Death of Aeryn Sun

Perhaps my favorite scifi show of all time, Farscape. This show was pretty formulaic in regards to late 90′s to early 2000′s television but where this show did well was flexing its creative muscle by building an original universe and investing heavily into puppets instead of CG. Believe me, the work done here is the highest quality and does a better job making those alien puppets feel real then CG can presently muster.

If you watch this show you will find one of the best romantic arcs between two TV characters ever on TV. That is the relationship between the Earth Astronaut John Crichton and Peacekeeper Sebacean Aeryn Sun which was (in my opinion) a best-written love affair in TV history between a badass alien woman with superior genetics/combat training and an earth scientist/pilot who proves himself to be more clever and useful then his alien companions care to admit.

The scene that left my eyes wet was the Season 2 finale where John has a neural prob placed in his head that has both probing/collecting his memories but also introducing a second personality of his enemy that is slowly taking over his mind (this is a scifi show remember). As the second personality emerges it becomes more dominant and takes control of him for periods of time. Crichton losing control too this alien personality betrays his friends and tries to escape. Aeryn refusing to let John escape while possessed by this alien tech chases Crichton over an icy world only to be ambushed by him and driving his landing gear into her cockpit and forcing her to eject from her ship.

While it seems like she might land safely on the ground below she is actually over a lake of ice and Crichton assumes control of his mind again only to watch the woman he loves crash through the ice to submerge into a freezing lake. Crichton eventually lands and surrenders himself to the care of his friends before he hurt someone else and they all say their goodbyes to their dead friend while she lays in a cryogenic coffin to preserve her body.

I won't tell you what happens later as I don't want to spoil the show. It’s great TV that deserves to be watched from beginning to end. Like Rome its worth your time and I promise you its a fandom that is worth having in your wheelhouse of notable science fiction. 

Seven Years In Tibet - Returning the Watch

This was supposed to be a cinema post but here I am talking about TV shows and no movies yet! If you know movies (or more importantly books) you would have heard the title Seven Years In Tibet which is a true story about  Austrian mountaineer Heinrich Harrer who traveled across the globe to climb  Himalayan peak only to have World War 2 start and force him into a prison camp.

In the story, Heinrich escapes is prison and travels across Tibet with his ‘friend’  Peter Aufschnaiter trying not to be captured again and if at all possible work out a way to get back home. It’s a pretty amazing and moving tale in which a man who seeks renown and prestige for himself finds humility and maturity while taking residence in a Holy City next to a young Dalia Lama no less.

The particular scenes that made me emotional in this movie come in a set of two, one establishing the emotional payoff of the other. In the early part of the movie after Heinrich and Peter escaped their POW camp, they use watches to trade for goods and services to help them survive with the native people. Heinrich, still being a selfish individual, convinces Peter to sell a sentimental for some provisions they needed. Only after the trade takes place Peter discovers Heinrich had a dozen stolen watches stashed away which could have also been traded.

After a fair amount of time in the Holy City/Capital of Tibet, Lhasa. The two men grow as Peter falls in love with Tibetan woman and becomes more integrated into the Tibetan society and Heinrich serves as a sort of Western influence for the Dalai Lama sharing with the young spiritual leader his culture. Towards the end of the film, Heinrich and Peter celebrate Christmas (I believe) and Heinrich delivers the watch which he convinced Peter to barter away years before. It’s touching in the sense that while Heinrich was responsible for making Peter trade the watch away, he silently amended his wrongdoing by taking on a great effort to have the watch found in a country with thousands of people. This scene alone isn't so much about the relationship developed between the two men but rather forgiveness, personal growth and sentimental gestures with deep meaning.

Wall-E - Memory Erased

Wouldnt be a proper list without a Pixar movie making the cut somewhere on here. I know some people cried in the movie UP and I admit Inside Out had me at some moments itself but above all else, the movie Wall-E hit me right in the ticker when I watched it. If you don’t know what this movie is, then you should probably get out more because when it came out (like all Pixar movies) it was a big deal.

What makes this particular movie stand out in my mind isn't just the sad moment that pulls on your heart strings (which I will talk about) but also the fact the movie basically gets you to care about a character who has a limited set of words and portrays his emotions through tone and physical movements. Allowing a very physical interpretation of his personality. You have to admit that is a pretty clever animation to make the audience get so invested in a sentient machine.

The scene that really got to me was just at the end of the movie. As I stated above spoilers galore down here but this one sits at the end of the film so if you havent seen Wall-E I suggest stopping now... are you gone? Good only us movie watchers left. The scene, of course, is Wall-E having his memory reset. If you weren't ready for this scene it could fuck you up as I remember watching this in my room and having a few stray tears roll down my cheeks when EVA realized how much affection the little trash bot had for her only to find that he was reset back to factory settings.

Of course, Disney doesn't like movies with bad ends and let a small smark sharked between the two machines be the magical touch that perhaps allowed Wall-E to tap into his long-developed personality and allowed him to remember how into her he actually was. It's a cute movie and deserves its spot on this list along the rest.

The Wrap Up

That's all I care to write for now on this topic. It's basically the 4 biggest tearful moments I can think of. The Red Wedding would have made the list but honestly that filled me with Depression and Anxiety more then it did bring tears to my eyes. I may add more movies to this post later OR I might just make a part 2 post if more movies come to mind that pulled an emotional reaction from me. Thanks for reading. Thanks for letting me share. Now go watch some of these scenes.

Regards, Michael California

[muchblogmuchwow]

For Anna, her family and her friends. 14 years is too short of a life to have ended this way. This isn't my wheelhouse so please forgive me. But I feel compelled to do this just the same. After spending 5 years of my life juggling my own demons and being available at any hour to chase other's away, I'd like to take a moment to talk to the future of our world, the kids. Anna "Sage" Schmitt, I do not want your struggle and the loss of only 14 years of your life to be forgotten, so I am writing this in the hopes that your legacy will not be tragedy, but hope for your peers and those that may or may not be considering the same thing. Though I knew nothing of you before today, you have been the heaviest weight I have carried in a long time. To those who love Anna, my heart goes out to you. For the youth of Hillcrest Middle School, America and the world in general, I'm going to ask you to do something that may go against your beliefs, possibly even your parent's beliefs and take a moment to listen to a soldier. The darkness that consumes and evolves the human mind into the ideation of being suicidal is a living thing. It watches. It waits. It strikes at the most opportune times possible. It whispers in your ear when you are sad and frustrated and it comes crashing in when you smile and sets the drapes on fire without conscience. It whispers "I am the answer. I am the end of the pain." I'm an old man in an occupation where men die young. I am old for a reason. Believe me when I tell you that the above sentence about suicide being an end to pain is an absolute lie that has been told and listened to by far too many for far too long. Suicide does not end pain. The pain you feel stays here long after you are gone. It grows in depth and it grows in frequency. While a person who's ended their own life may not feel the pain any longer, the anguish from it echoes like ripples from a rock thrown into a pond for every heart that knew their name, endlessly. Every self inflicted round, every cut, every impact and every convulsion from an overdose is felt ten fold by those around them for the rest of their days. The person writing this to you right now speaks from experience on both sides of that noose. I used to wonder why I survived. Maybe it is for this moment, maybe it's to reach one of you that is sitting in their room contemplating the same thing. I can promise you that no soul walking the Earth is immune to these thoughts. You, most assuredly, are not alone. So it is not an answer, ok. What is? Because these thoughts have infiltrated my own life as well as the lives of just about everyone I know and love, I consider them an enemy. That is how I focus on it's elimination. My job in the military is to deny the enemy ground, plain and simple. What I would like to do here is give some key tricks in order to deny this enemy ground in your life. 1) The voices in your head are only loud because you are the only one who hears them. They maintain power over you and your emotions because they can only thrive in secrecy. The minute you take the terrifying step of breaking that silent darkness and letting the light of awareness into the room, you begin to seize the power from it and regain it within yourself. If you do not trust anyone or think there is nobody to talk to, you have me. You have the rest of my brothers in arms behind this page's name who will sit and talk with you through anything. I can assure that there is literally nothing you could have done that will predicate judgement on you by us. We've been there ourselves. So please, reach out. 2) Help is only part of a solution. Think of it like an operation. There is the surgeon who is performing the surgery, but there is also a team of individuals that are assisting to make the surgery a success. Seeking help, while necessary, is only part of the solution. Some of this will rest on you Part of my soldier's creed is to never quit. I'm going to ask you to do the same for me, here and now. As I write this, I am pledged to die for you if need be and I will do so without a single regret to ensure your life. So I'm asking you to pledge to me that you will refuse to quit. I am doing so with tears in my eyes. I make no promises of things being easy or that things will get immediately better. However, I do promise to you that things DO get better. No matter how hard it comes and goes, I promise you there is a day in the sun and that it is waiting for your arrival. 3) What people think of you does not matter. People have an amazing ability to be the most cruel of all the species on the planet. As we continue to evolve, it seems that we grow more and more detatched, more and more conscienceless and more and more selfish. Just as I wear a plate carrier or body armor into battle, you need to design your own set of armor. The attitudes of people can and will change on a dime. People will let you down. You will lose faith. None of this matters. Have faith in yourself first. Trust in yourself first. A friend of mine once told me: "Don't let people rent space in your head." That sums it up perfectly. Other people do not have to work your heart, your lungs and your thoughts. They do not eat for you. They do not run for you. They do not pass any of life's tests for you. At the end of the day, all of those things belong to you and you alone. Their opinion of your looks, your taste in music, your clothing, and your beliefs is completely irrelevant. Pay no attention to it. 4) If you find yourself strong enough, make sure you encourage others that are struggling. Humans were not meant to exist in a solitary environment. Even the mighty Redwood tree will fall in wind if the roots of it's neighbors do not add to it's strength. In this world today, with the advent of social media and high speed everything, what is "cool" and "accepted" changes faster than the sand in an hourglass. This does not breed security, and not everyone is strong enough to stand alone or adjust to the changing currents. It takes far less energy to stand beside someone than it does to turn your back on them. Focus your energy on being a strength to your peers. An amazing side effect to this is the way doing that will make you feel about yourself. There are few things better than how your heart feels after you've stood up for someone. It can last you a lifetime. 5) We are not so evolved that our environments do not affect us. What you surround yourself with will directly affect how you feel and how you live. Again, remember, this is your life and only you will reap the benefits or consequences of your choices. If something or someone does not directly inspre, educate or enforce the positive feelings in your heart and mind, then it's space in your life that needs to be cleared. While our fast paced world can create stress, it also affords us a myriad of opportunities to experience things. Seize that. Do not waste one single second of your life on anything that takes away from you living it to the fullest. In closing, a life is a blessing. None of us are guaranteed to survive this ride we call living. We are all born with X number of heartbeats. None of us know what number X ­='s. You are a creation, your life is your art. You get to be the blacksmith, the sculptor and the painter of every shape and color it becomes. It has been said that pain makes great art. So embrace the struggles, embrace the hardest of times. They are simply there to prepare you for what is ahead of you. I understand and know for a fact that some of those times will seem to bee too much to take, so I'm promising you that some of the toughest guys on the planet are sitting here waiting to stand in between what scares you and what you can handle. Like we say to each other: You've got this. If you think you don't, we've got your 6. Be good to one another. Embrace your life. Embrace one another. You were always meant for more than where you are right now. That is why they call life a journey. ~Pitchfork P.S. Apologize to your English teachers for me please. I'm a grunt. Speeches are not my greatest skill.

Military Minds Inc., Pitchfork