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i don't know what this is. the plush has invaded my brain. it has the controls now
#three of us! just three of us! look closely you will see...#dhmis but its the different wall..eys. ies. eyes. walleyes. WHAT IS THE PLURAL#fr tho i need the plush. i need it#thank FUCK there's a 21 day window#otherwise!! i would never have him!! and id be Crushed!!#he needs to be in my arms....#scribble salad#welcome home#honestly though the plush is In My Brain#ive rewatched the ad so many times already...#its endeared me to howdy further. wally as well but thats a given#howdy my beloved....
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I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr
not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work
believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody
#not art#listen#for real#this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people#you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here#every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it#that never see my cursor close to the save button#i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person#i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me#because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art#is by doing it for the sake of doing it#not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare#anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse#but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website#stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags#your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that#if you're an artist for a living that's another story#but even then#even then#anyways sorry i'm done ranting
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LOVE it when the acoustics are way better than i expected
#and ig i never experienced the board games room empty w all windows closed and the speakers off before?#or if i did i hadnt tried singing while at it#my art#viermisori
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Crazy issues that come up when a character is written a little too well
#yay story time comic nobody asked for#funnily enough i will NEVER play undertale on the computer because of this#my first exposure to undertale was jacksepticeye and i am glad i didn't opt to play the game myself at the time#flowey closing the game and then the broken start up cutscene was bad enough just WATCHING it#and i STILL have to watch that chara thing at the end with a far distance from my screen and the volume down#not because of the scary face but because of the violin noise that sounds like its a repeating tone rather than a loop#and then of course the window hopping around#am also very glad i was spoiled about the spamton mercy win before i tried it myself#am slightly worried about future deltarune chapters but at least now i'm anticipating it#anyway remember when i tagged that one post ''i'm scared of computers and it's a monkey's fault''#now you know :3#i really wanted this done on thursday#and apparently dawn's brain says friday doesn't happen until after i fall asleep#so now i am awake and it is 4:30 and i hear birds chirping so nighty night#((or good morning))#yay comic :D i was right this did help a lot with getting some program familiarity#it's not the greatest paneling in the world but it's good for now#idk if i should really tag him or not#but uh#spamton#deltarune#spamton enjoyers i am so sorry#i am terrified of him only because he does his job in the story very well
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me when i fuck it we ball
#ortismypassion#undertale#sans#papyrus#flowey#frisk#i did not lovk in i actually got locked the fuck out abd climbed through the window instead#anwyasys i think about them alot. too much#thinking about them all remembering resets and all burdened by tue fact that theyve all killed each other and they've all watched each othe#die over and over.#but its ok they're silly with it now and are not totally a little co dependent and trauma bonded abd cant be away from each other for a few#minutes at a time#anwyags i have this scene in my head of toriel opening the bedroom door and looking at them all fondly . a soft smile on her face#before closing the door and sighing. letting a worried frown mar her face#because shesso worried about them.#worried about how they seem so close yet they have not known each other for even a month before getting to their surface home#and how theyre never apart#or how all of them get nightmares and seem to seek each other out for comfort. so mucn so that theyve all moved into one room together#anwyays do you get me. do tou get it (wjo tf is reading this anymore)#they've been through so much and seen so many things that theyre not the same peoplen they were. never will be.
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I love that there's one half of people who think Ridley should be this terrifying dragon demon who antagonizes Samus and moves quicker than lightning and that Dark Samus should be this strange organic being with hardly more than a skull who will stop at nothing to have her dead and then there's the other half with Goth Girl and Pathetic Pterodactyl.
#and I'm sitting just outside enjoying both#i personally prefer scary sadistic ridley who calls samus names and remembers exactly what he did#but i also like stupid bird who tries to flee through a closed window and doesn't notice the wide open door right there#I'm not like the biggest metroid fan but my brother is and I've always admired it. so I'm slowly but surely learning and being drawn in#like i love the lore stuff (even if i really only know the basics) but the actual gameplay has just never been for me#metroid#samus aran#Old Bird to samus: little bird (affectionate) Ridley: little bird (derogatory)#metroid samus#ridley metroid#dark samus#i just think it's neat
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#tropius#HE SO APPY!!! FUCK!!! HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS ONE#i've never looked at tropius up close before i didn't even know they had a little helmet and shit. this is WONDERFUL. they're SO appy#i hope you all appreciate this as much as i do because this is very good. i don't even know anything about tropius. jack SHIT. except that#they're so appy. and i will accept this. i gotta work but i've been too busy thinking abt how appy they are#i also started the process of remaking my main blog. bc it just had a lot of posts on it all the way back to way back in my past#and i felt like it was weighing the whole blog down and making me not want to use it. and that blog needed some housekeeping for me to want#to associate myself with it. so i'm currently in the process of coming up with a new URL before i start really renovating#so the hunt for miss ffp starts anew or something. unless i've lazily replied to you in a comment once and you remember my url#i've done that to a few of you. demifiendcruithne is one. shoutouts to you demifiendcruithne you're the best#then there was that one who assumed i use windows. despite recognizing that i'm “rather techy.” yuck!#had to respond to that one to clear up any suspicion that i might be a windows user. this is all totally unrelated and also will be#totally irrelevant by the time this post gets up anyway. hopefully. y'know if i haven't come up with a new url by then then#i mean. that's my fault. but this isn't gonna post until july 23rd. 10 days from today. so. hopefully!#see you all then
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Forgot to post this here butttt
Working on a welcome home animation and mighttttt take me a while
#the idea is just wally getting the barnaby plush and thats kinda it#i did plan this before when i ordered the wally plush (sep 8 2023) but didnt have the motivation and stuff for it#its inspired by the image of wally peaking out of homes side window with the text below “there he is!” not sure if its wally saying it#either wally noticed someone or someone noticed him but anyway#i saw that image and was thinking to make an animation of it instead of the “there he is!” text its going to say “he's here.”#i also realized i might need to voice that only line or even make sounds for the background😭#i already was close to finishing background 2 (where eddie will be seen walking to wallys house) but my tablet died#grrrrrr#also unrelated but i wrote in my book todayyy (i never write at all) but hey its kinda fun to write my ideas huahahahaah#i plan on doing some research on welcome home and write it down (maybe even some theories hmm??) also doing research on the characters#just to try to get to know them more (cuz i have been crazy for them for AGES and still feel like i haven't done enough)#oh yeah CALL ME CRAZYYY butttt since the irl world sucks i plan on making little writings like im IN welcome home just because idk#more explaining and better ones on my tiktok vid description (user in my bio)#also i feel like things might be getting better for me cuz wowie i never thought id be animating again#but now all this motivation...so many ideas appearing...need to focus on one at a time...darn#HEY! 12 days till a break from the evil cell of educational purposes??? (school) FINALLY PURE HEAVEN I CAN BE FREE WITHOUT SUFFERING#welcome home#partycoffin#wally darling#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#7 backgrounds left to do...then ill have to animate...oh evilllll so evillll
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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layers of school and family and health issues and future planning and final exam stress aside, do you ever feel like there is a long ongoing scream inside of you that seems to have no end ha haaaa
#the ironic thing i think is that i'm sitting closest to the window rn#and i can see the boy i agonized over for seven months sitting with his girlfriend#very clearly in the reflection because they're sitting behind me :)#and no matter how loudly i play my music i can still hear them laughing together every once in a while!#he told me today that the thing he asked me to edit for him just won him a scholarship and i was like congrats!!#this IS what i've become to you! editor friend who cooks and brings snacks!#and it's like. well you don't NEED me anymore. which is a silly thought because he never did need me in the first place#(and the need to be needed is a bit... hmm.... there's a lot there i do need to examine carefully)#it's not even worth talking about boy no.2 who is kind enough to break anyone's heart lollll and who is definitely definitely#and clearly in every way definitely not interested or available or anything close to it#anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay#but i think i need to take an early night :') clearly i am starting to be emotionally overwrought#it is not AGONY........ it is something quieter i think.
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Perhaps ordering a drink with something I don't recognize in it was a bad idea.
#I was getting a steamer from a cafe because I don't like coffee and most types of teas and smoothies are often too acidic for me for weird#medical reasons and I got one with caramel syrup in it but then at the bottom there was this thing asking if you wanted like a#“simple syrup” which I figured was just sugar syrup and it was free so i got 2 pumps of it since it offered 1-3 so I just picked the middle#option but now I have the drink and it tastes like coffee if there wasn't coffee in it. Like I don't drink coffee because it tastes like I'#being poisoned but wtf this isn't coffee and it tastes like I'm being poisoned.#also i just looked up simple syrup and i was right it is just sugar syrup why does this taste like death#the caramel flavor?????#it seriously tastes like im drinking straight preservative or like window cleaner or something idk ive never drank those but I get the#impression they would taste similarly#also im only here because THE UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA HAD A FIRE ALARM GO OFF AND NOW THEY'RE CLOSED#*insert my university here* stop catching on fire challenge go!#op
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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the ✨fickleness✨ of the heart
#second interview somehow went even worse than the first lmfao#was almost late due to public transport (1 and a half hour journey from town wth) got pretty overwhelmed with the interviewer and i just.#forgor to ask more questions about the job role aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#also on my way out the dude in the guardhouse didnt see me trying to get free (the gate out was one of those push a button to exit things)#so i was only able to escape when someone tried to drive out by following the car out through the vehicle gate#but then. i tripped and dropped one of my shoes. so i had to double back and grab it before the gate closed on me so b s#idk if the guardhouse dude saw me then (tinted windows and all) but i can never go back.#i hope the upcoming fellow interviewee does really well!!!!!!! you can have the job my dude!!!! it’s all yours!!!!!!!!#as for me. hm. i think the shut-in life suits me best~~~~~~~~~ no need to touch grass~~~~#to think that i talked too much in interview 1 and too little in interview 2… i think i should just sew my mouth s h u t.#anyways!!!!!! just another hour and a quarter till zakenna liner notes!!!!!!#i think i need to drown my sorrows in a bookstore 再见大家～～～～
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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Every time I cry, my first thought is just I wish Scrabble were here 😭
#personal#I miss him SO bad and everytime I cry im just reminded of how many times id just scream sob to him about things 💀😭#he probably thought this fucking dumb bitvh again 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😔😩😔😔😔😔😔#does she ever STOP crying 💀#and I love marley but hes just like. a different vibe to me. like he doesnt understand im sad and is happy to sit there#whether I throw up scream cry or not#i felt like scrabble kinda understood. . .. he probably didn't but he never...#well no he was just a huge fucking idiot#one time I was sobbing and I'd left my window open by mistake with scrabble in my room#and I had to pause my sobbing to run out on the roof and chase him back inside 💀#which happened fairly often ...or more than I'd like to admit#he WAS ALWAYS SAFE THOUGH I PROMISE........i just remember going outside once and him staring from the roof down at me on the sidewalk#💀�� maybe it was more like ik youre crying but despite it all I am about to wreak chaos#marley is like idk what youre doing but I'm here to sleep as close to your face as humanly possible and then get annoyed when youre too#close
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rescued a bat from my apartment hallway with the help of an old Slavic man who was about to walk his tiny dog. managed to do it in 12mins!
I told @icepickparty and they called me St. Simon, Guardian of the Bats and when I tell you that I need this to be my legacy...
#the image is cropped I did not get that close to the bat#except for when the bat was flying directly at me#my plan was to get the bat to the end of one of the halls and out the stairwell window and with a second set of hands IT WORKED#v proud of myself#v tickled to have been so close to a bat#and even that I've never seen a bat fly directly at me before?#it would head right for me and then zoom up at the last second#truly marvelous#bats#slime time
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