#hypothymia

[iamlivingmusic]

There are just an overwhelming number of posts under both the cyclothymia and quetiapine tags which bring me down. They're sad and hard, about medication not working, uncontrollable mood swings, depression, side effects, social deprivation.

So I thought I'd tell my story, for a little bit of hope.

To start - I am a 32 year old woman from Aotearoa New Zealand. The psych who diagnosed me with cyclothymia six months ago suggests that I've been experiencing symptoms for about 20 years - since puberty. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue and ADHD. None of these were correct.

Cyclothymia is a mood disorder in the same family as bi-polar. It means I experience depression and hypomania. My highs aren't as high and my lows aren't as low as bi-polar 1 or 2, and I'm on a shorter cycle - generally my depressive episodes last 2-4 weeks, and mania 2-5 days. There is nothing else, just the rollercoaster.

I take 250mg of quetiapine each evening for two reasons. First to even out those mood swings. My depression becomes closer to even keel, and on top of the medication can be managed by actions - fresh food, fresh air, time with people I love, routines to make it easier to get out of bed and maintain a hygiene routine. My mania is less effected, but the most important thing for me is that I'm aware that I'm manic - it makes it much easier to ensure I don't over-commit myself (which screws me over when the fog descends).

The second reason I medicate is the long term impact of unmanaged cyclothymia. In this sense, it can be thought of like pre-diabetes. Not a guarantee you'll develop the disease - in my case the much more harmful bi-polar 2 - but if you are careful you can squash that possibility. The more I actively manage my condition, the less likely disorder evolution is.

Sure, I experience some side effects. Orgasm is a little more difficult. I have such a dry mouth some morning it sounds like I'm slurring. Getting up in the morning is hard, but let's be honest, getting up in the morning when you're depressed isn't exactly a picnic.

Over all, after 6 months of medicating? My life is measurably better. I'm better able to spend time maintaining relationships. My overall sex drive is more consistent. I don't feel like I'm racing ahead and everyone round me are idiots who can't keep up with my train of thought. I don't over-commit one day, to under deliver the next. In 6 months, I haven't once thought I don't actively want to die, but wouldn't it be easier for everyone if I never existed?

I'm a better friend, partner, colleague. I'm more me. I play piano and sew dresses I'll never wear and read absolute trash romance novels. I collect vinyl - I order an album and anticipate it's arrival, not forget in a fog. I can budget, because I can find happiness in more than just consumerism and an endless cycle of couriers.

It's not for everyone, and it's not everything. I still need to take a walk, plan my week, make more of an effort than neurotypical folk. On recommendation, because 2023 is going to be a landmark year for me, I'm starting cognitive behavioral therapy so I have more tools when life gets more intense.

But I wouldn't go back.

[animated-bookshelf]

I think I found a new gender, and I would love to hear if others have the same feelings. I am a cis guy and present as such. The thing is my taste in music and general vibe is very transbian coded. I have been called an egg before, but it don't think so. I am very comfortable in my skin, ie no notable dysphoria. That said, in any fictional scenario, I almost exclusively play as a woman when possible. It's giving gender non-conforming vibes, but I'm not super sure. I kind of wonder if I am really a tomboy in a man's body and just vibing because I am pretty sure I would dress and act very similarly as a woman as I am generally pretty ascetic regarding bodily and environmental decorations. If so, that is the most convenient imaginable case of transness because I don't have to change anything to be happy. Then again, I don't face any of the social stigma often encountered by trans people that actual feel the need to transition, so I don't really feel comfortable claiming that label. I also have hella hypothymia which may be masking any bad feelings I would otherwise have about it. All in all I am not especially sure what is going on with me gender wise, but I think I understand it well enough to be fine with it. It does seem noteworthy though. I kind of want to talk to other people that feel the same way, but there is no label for this sort of thing that I can find. Some friend say I am just a "guy *snaps*" and I think it kind of fits.

[bakhsoliani2511]

〰️▪️◾◼️⬛◼️◾▪️〰️ Hypothymia knitting my thoughts #hypothymia #photography #sky #clouds #tbilisi #evening #october #disthymia #down #sunset (at Youth Association DRONI)

[edpobeats]

PSYCHO SATURDAY

‪The "normal" range of human emotion is "euthymia"; above is heyperthymia; below is hypothymia.‬

[naderlma]

Can't handle things anymore, m dying silently.. losing faith again.. #Hypothymia

[naderlma]

Drowning in a wide sea of #darkness, #solitude & #depression, having a #desperate soul, being completely #antisocial & #solavagant, getting a deep #overthinking living in full mindlessness & dark solitary, avoiding every contact with another human, turning to an unstable #unconsciousness which leads to hurting others unintentionally, better saying it's all abt being a #psycho for some time, & not a random #sadness, cuz definitely it has its reasons which based in 1st place on the society itself.. This's what does #Hypothymia mean, that's what I'm passing through each time, not a #suffering but an #obsession! Nvr think I'm #hopeless, cuz that's how I deal with my own #frustration which's been caused by such a stpd society, while living with such creatures, & some #luckless. #NaderLMA 3/3/16 13:23

[kmangata]

its been years but still, the pain still stays the same. the scars open up as fresh as they could as the time it was made. gahd this is insane.

its true a picture is worth a thousand words

its weird a photo can bring a lot of pain

why am i like this

i hate this feeling

i want to get rid of you! 

im supposed to be happy

but you took it all away

nah so emo

this is just not me

[iridescentinsanity]

When you feel like an outcast. And depression sets in. And you don't understand why you're sad.

[thecalltothevoid]

3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 19, 20, 23, 27, 28, 31, 37, 38, 42. :P

Sexual Orientation:Straight

Do you Smoke?Nope neva

Do you Drink?Nope

Have Tattoos?Nope

Want any tattoosMaybe it would have to be really tiny

Got any Piercings?Nope

Want any piercings?Not really

Biggest turn ons:A voice I like

Biggest turn offs:Uh... laziness

Most traumatic experience:When I was in my ninth year of school someone attacked me during an art class and I was hit over the head quite a lot with a large block of wood :/

A fact about your personality:I love to talk but I’m really quite

What I want to be when I get older:A designer in something, probably movies or games

My biggest pet peeves:PPlz tat use txt spek

A description of the girl/boy I like:I don’t like anyone anymore

What I hate the most about school:It just finished

Where I would like to live.California

One of my insecurities.My lack of creativity for what I want to do as a job D:

Where I want to be right now.Back at Download

[myidentitycrisis-blog]

Interesting Experiment...

I was curious about the validity of many of the things found on tumblr.  I know there are some obvious hoaxes, such as the purple-eye disease and the bizarre exotic fruit, but I was kind of curious about the little things.

At the very bottom of this set of ten should be a lovely black and white photo with the caption "Hypophrenia: feeling of sadness seemingly without cause."  I decided, on a whim, to google the term "hypophrenia."  The results that came up all had this definition word-for-word.  The problem?  The sources were flickr, urbandictionary, and the like.

So I go to dictionary.com and pop it in their search engine.  Nothing comes up.  But they do offer me the definition of hypophrenic.  Hypophrenic: affected with mental retardation.

I decide to go to the medical journals and they all support the conclusion of dictionary.com.  I also find a new word: hypothymia.  This means a diminished emotional response, depression.  Sounds more likely, yeah?

So what have I learned from this?  Well, two things.  First of all, there is no such thing as hypophrenia.  There is no medical term for sadness without reason which leads me to believe that there is no real sadness without reason.  If you're sad, there is a reason and you need to do something to fix it.  Sitting around and claiming "hypophrenia" won't change anything.

I also learned, obviously, not to trust things on tumblr for real information.  A lot of it is probably true, no doubt.  But if you ever want to reference something you found on tumblr in an argument or research paper, double check your information.  You may wind up writing a research paper on a condition that doesn't exist.

[naderlma]

I know.. I know i'm not good enough for any.. I'm not as i want to be, unfortunately it ain't possible to fight for it as I used to do, cuz that simply won't work! That's my fate, the destiny i've been created to "suffer" from. But it's fortunate that I'm still ngu! #Hypothymia #Nader 9/2/16 03:42

[naderlma]

I'm not rly comfortable among these creatures! Still doubting, there've been a misunderstanding! #hypothymia