#hyperfixating on One sentence and an hour goes by

[bayetea]

it is a miracle of biblical magnitude that I manage to write anything at all when my adhd is /this/ bad

[briliantlymad]

Smth smth it's all about letting go but im not gonna lie I feel like wanting to write an anakin not going off the rails having a mental breakdown through palpatines manipulation. Palpy is like. I can teach you force techniques you don't know about and anakin is just like???? You're not a medical professional tho??? You don't have the force chancellor palpatine I think you've had too much wine tonight at the opera. Let's get you to bed.

But he's also not going to take any chances because if there is some force technique he's going to learn it himself. and instead of spending time with palpy he's searching up the jedi library and making his way through all kinds of other dubious sources. What's mastery over death if he's good enough at healing that it never gets to that point?

Council be like: Where's knight skywalker he's gotta go protect this planet with the 501st.

And anakin Walks into the council room manic vibrating out of his skin after having 10 cans of energy drinks: do you know what I need to do to knit someone's skin back together? Do you think I could intern with the healers for a few hours? I think I've figured out how to make the human body regenerate entire organs but it's the useless stuff like the appendix. Can I have access to some sith books I know yall have locked away in the vaults??

And the council :

Just. He's still sleep deprived, hes definitely losing his marbles a little cus his new hyperfixation is healing techniques, bros learning anatomy till 5 am in the morning and healing troopers through sheer force of will by the end of the next battle. Learns how to control the flow of the blood so he can stop bleeding from major arteries while one of the medics stitches people up.

Anyway he's basically so pumped up about his newfound knowledge he forgets about palpatine completely until palply gets impatient and pokes at him hoping to push anakin over the edge but all it does is make anakin run to the council, cus how the fuck does Palpatine know about his visions and nightmares anyway???????

The council goes to confront him. Only this time, anakin doesn't give into his urge to defend palpy cus he doesn't need him anymore.

Mace gets house arrest as a sentence for killing palpy without trial but he's like: jokes on you mfs I like the temple and I didn't wanna leave this place anyway.

Padmè gives birth, it's a pretty safe delivery, she gives birth at an actual well equipped med centre, the twins were a surprise but anakin doesn't get to use his skills which he mopes a little about but then he's too distracted by his kids' big eyes

And they all lived happily ever after ♥️♥️♥️

[bloodplague]

I love every Headcanon you make of the characters 🛐✨. And I wanted to ask you a while ago if you could say some Bloody Painter Headcanons pleaseeeeeee 🤧🤧🛐🛐✨✨✨. I'm just humble hungry for Bloody Painter GFHHHCJVH 🛐🛐✨✨🤧🤧. And I hope you have a fabulous day, week, month and year DGFYCJG virtual hug for you 🫂✨🤍��

Bloody Painter Headcanons

YESS OF COURSE!! Bloody Painter is an interesting character, how could I not HDASHAS OKAY:

He has the schizoid personality disorder & autism.

Sometimes, he draws what he sees when he looks out of the window, or small animals, then splashes blood over the painting.

He loves chocolate milk and those eye-shaped gummy bears.

Helen loves the winter so much, the noises that the snow makes when he steps on it with his boots satisfies him.

Helen is also asexual, but not in a way that makes him not want sex or anything related to that: He simply feels uncomfortable after having sex.

The only alcohol he drinks is baileys.

He gets along with Kate, Jane, Cody, Tim, Brian Eyeless Jack, Dina, Rouge and Wilson. The others don't really capture his attention.

Something he also loves is just gazing out of the window and staring at the stars for hours straight. The thought of him being so small compared to the whole universe drowns him in his own thoughts, causing him to zoon out a lot.

Becuase of his schizoid personality disorder, he also has maladaptive daydreaming.

No matter where he goes, he draws tiny smileys every where. With blood, of course.

The only time he cries is when he feels this emptiness lurking up on him.

Braiding Dina's hair makes him feel more real and less dissociated.

Comes off like someone who has OCD, but doesn't have it.

The texture of jelly makes him uncomfortable & gag.

When someone talks to him, he might change the topic of the conversation to one of his hyperfixations without realizing it.

Helen loves animals, specially crows and foxes. He feels very connected to them.

He's a very distrustful person who doesn't like others seeing his vulnerable side, nor does he really show his emotions which is why he comes off as flat or boring to others.

Has a small bone collection. He likes to adjust the bone pieces to his drawings to make them look 3D.

Drawing people is a sign of appreciation, in his case.

He's not good with words sometimes, just stuttering or awkwardly trying to think of a matching word when forming sentences. It frustrates Helen a LOT.

The scent of rain makes him also feel more secure.

Helen's desk is either extremely organized or the biggest mess: Either way, he will know where what is within 2 seconds or less.

He's a little night owl.

He tried ecstacy once but didn't enjoy or like it. Never again.

When it comes to killing, he's quiet and does what he needs to do quick & skilled, not leaving any trails behind.

He digs his hand into his victims wounds to feel their organs caress his hand.

ALSO I imagine his room looking like this:

<3

[dollieroulette]

An Exciting Development--

The last Mystery Doll purchase of the year! I had been holding off posting about him due to some....somewhat shady practices from the estate company (who I am going to leave anonymous, haha.) A quick explanation! (EDIT: Quick. Lol. Sure, Rose. ok.) I saw this doll lot on an online bidding site-- got excited, figured I'd give it a go. The pictures left a lot to be desired; slightly blurry, no real details other than the box.

(I see you, Dollfie Dream insert.) So...the original pictures were not great. More under the cut!

Hm. Great. Still! I am intrigued! So I shot him a message asking for clearer photos-- he gave me his phone number to call or to text for more information (not entirely uncommon for estate sale/resale folks.) and I did so, eager to see if I could puzzle out what I was looking at before jumping all in on bidding. He sent me these pics after I asked:

The back of a Modoll head.

A mystery head-- is this the head that goes to the Modoll back? (Spoiler: It is not)

oh- ok. Maybe this guy is the modoll head? (Spoiler: Again, no.)

Mm. Oh. Ok. Alright.

Ok, yeah, see this I'm intrigued by. Alright! I was pleased, I thanked the man and put in a bid! It should be noted here that I've left some photos out-- there was some old con merch included that belonged to a con staff person. I figure I'll spare them the possibility of being doxed, as I'm not sure what led them to getting rid of their project doll and con merch. (Estate auctions, especially this sort of auction, are not always a result of the object owner's death-- in this case, I think that maybe the person who owned this doll sold off their belongings as a lot. They likely are still kickin'. At least I hope they are!) So, from here things got weird. I was in the process of researching (Image searching and the like) when I found that the estate sale company had also listed it...on ebay. For 800 bucks. Lol; ok. New pics led me nowhere really other than to confirm that this was, in fact, the same lot I had just bid on three days prior on an entirely different site. I was a bit anxious but obstinate. Write that on my grave.

I realized he did this probably because during our conversation I explained why the doll having, y'know, human parts wasn't all that strange? It was just a doll. With anatomy. He seemed to think that it having "male parts" made it..."adult". We both had a laugh about that. Following that I explained why I was interested in the doll-- I knew that he MAY turn around and go "oh I want more for this," but I cannot resist the urge to explain one of my hyperfixations. I guess he missed the bit where I said, "This doll is potentially worth a pretty penny-- however, without seeing it in person I have no way of knowing if it's legit or not, and most people do not want to spend much on a fake doll, which this could very well be." So uhhh...he took the first half of that sentence and tried to list the damn thing at close to the original cost for...the doll on front of the box. Which, uh, this doll is not. Nor is it in the sort of condition that would sell for 800 bucks. Whatever~! Whatever. I won the previous auction for....

Thirty Two American DollARS.

And then anxiously waited for the doll to ship to me. Which, after some trouble (The USPS did not scan the box it was sent to me in ONCE, leaving me AND the sales person very nervous.) it DID ARRIVE. HOWEVER. It arrived while I was out of town-- 14 hours out of town. Further inspection would have to wait...although I did force my buddy Mallory to unbox him to take a pic of his bod for me.

She made a point to tell me that this process was weird as all hell. "It's fine, it's art." I assured her. "I am deleting these pictures immediately. Also, I'm not putting his clothes back on." She responded. Fair enough. What an interesting fellow, though! Who's bod is this? Also he appeared to be -big sized-, which was exciting. As per usual, I turned to the BJD Discord. They pretty immediately got the bod narrowed down to a LUTS model-- this one, specifically. Rad.

The head though-- no clue. Maybe a DIM Minimee? Possibly a sculpt meant to be a specific jrocker or visual kai artist? We couldn't get it hammered out. It didn't help that the back of his head was uh... bad. It was bad. Whoever owned him previously was very obviously trying to mod him for -some reason- and had scraped off or cut out any sign of company name. Ah well. I'd have to wait till I got home to examine him in person. And GOOD NEWS. I AM HOME. I HAVE EXAMINED HIM IN PERSON. I'm losing light steadily so probably won't post for another day or so with the "Check out all the parts" update, but-- SOON. I can confirm, however, that the body looks to be legitimate. The dress, too, was unopened and very well made-- leading me to believe that it is also a legit dollfie dream outfit. As for the other bits? Not a clue. We have two heads missing the back plates and a set of hands that belong to the dollfie dream on the box. One head is still a mystery and the other seems to be a dollzone head-- slightly bigger than my previous fella, but not by much. :) So there we have it! The last doll of the year. Expect a couple more posts in regards to this massive fella.

[soap-ify]

hi cutie! 💋 i’m new to the cod fandom and an aspiring writer >_< i came across your writing and i love love it sooo much, so i was wondering if you could give some advice on what keeps you motivated to write? and if it’s not too much, could you share some of your fave writing or writer recommendations?

reading your work has my heart doing laps! thank you for your hard work and for sharing it❣���

HI anon you are just so lovely. i hope you know that i've been smiling at this for like the past minute now. i'm so happy you enjoy my writing!

motivation for me mostly comes in random bursts (and goes just as quickly) and i suppose my true motivation is just the fact that i'm very hyperfixated on cod right now. though it's very important to enjoy what you're writing, since that's what helps me the most to keep going :3

and as for my writer recs, i wasn't going to tag because i get shy but i'm too exhausted to find the links SO here you go! please be mindful of all the warnings in their works.

@suimon the entirety of di's masterlist will leave you giggling and kicking your feet trust me!! all of her works are simply amazing, and the way di writes simon is simply chef's kiss.

@rowarn one of my most fav fics is written by ro you totally need to check their works out!! writes simon so beautifully. (little secret that i started this account only because i got inspired by one of their fics)

@stargirlrchive again one of my fav writers on here! anissa's writing makes me all red once i finish it it's just that good.

@comfortless syl has the type of works that'll leave you deep in thought for the next few hours once you finish reading them. they're always just so gorgeously written, makes me sob!

@loveindefinitely all of love's series are so good!! just so interesting and fun to read.

@dmitriene ALL OF JULY'S WORKS ARE SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN! literally has me reading some sentences over and over because they are just so good.

@crashandlivewrites begging and scratching at your walls to check out crash's pornstar!price series. while you're at that, check out all of her works >:3 literally has me biting my fist all the time.

@konigsblog orla's works make my mind literally go blank and i mean this in the best way possible! also one of my inspirations when i was first starting this blog >:3

@luvit elli's writing is literal perfection like. literally one of my fav gaz writers out there EVERY WORK IS JUST SO! undescribable.

anyways these are only the ones i can remember at the top of my head right now while being like. super sleepy. but honestly every writer i rb on this account is purely amazing so i recommend you to check all of them out!

[gayalanwake]

hey guys so I’m crazy

I KNOW NOBODY GAF i am hyperfixated with literally have no other outlet to unleash my Demons

okay so basically this isn’t like a “normal” playlist (i have one but it’s private as of rn)- it’s basically like. 2 songs per chapter. In order. like the first two songs are about chapter one, the next two songs are about chapter two, etc etc etc. HOWEVERRR I’m not adding songs for chapters that aren’t released, because they can give vague spoilers. HOWEVERRR (again) I went ahead and added the Chapter 10’s songs anyways for fun :3

im not done lol here is an analysis of every song so far bc again im hyperfixated to high hell and this took 15 hours to organize. HEART EMOJI

(Chapter One)

Welcome to Paradise:

WTP is obviously an ironic song.

Pay attention to the cracked streets

And the broken homes

Some call it slums, some call it nice

I want to take you through

A wasteland I like to call my home

Welcome to paradise

This doesn’t need explaining as to why it’s relevant to B&BH lmao. But if you view these lyrics through their perspectives, the song loses its ironic tone. This wasteland of theirs probably GENUINELY IS paradise for them. It’s kinda comedic.

However, in this song, the narrator is speaking to his mother, asking if she can hear him “whining” as well as “laughing.” And viewing that through B&BH’s perspectives adds the slightest bit of tension- a tension that is very relevant and that will be harder to hide as the story progresses.

Another thing- this song being the first on this playlist is also part of the irony, with “paradise” referencing the plot that’s about to unfold, which takes place nowhere near any kind of paradise.

Come Out and Play:

This song is supposed to initially come off as a nothing more than a reference to B&BH being deranged teenagers. And for the most part, it is. It’s placed in Chapter 1 for a reason: Nothing’s happened yet, this is just B&BH as we know them. AKA, deranged teenagers.

However! Some of the lyrics do hint at what’s to come.

It goes down the same as the thousand before

No one's getting smarter, no one's learning the score

Your never-ending spree of death and violence and hate

Is gonna tie your own rope, tie your own rope, tie your own...

Hey, man, you disrespecting me?

Take him out (you gotta keep 'em separated)

Hey, man, you talkin' back to me?!

Take him out (you gotta keep 'em separated)

Over and over and over again are B&BH going to fight each other because of- unbeknownst to them- their suppressed romantic feelings. and it’s frustrating to watch because their self-destruction is so clear and yet they remain blinded by and to their own dysfunction. This is symbolized in the song, where the narrator has called out the teenagers’ destructive behavior more than once but is continuously interrupted mid-sentence by the cycle of needless violence that never seems to end (is gonna tie your own rope, tie your own rope, tie your ownHEY!!!! MAN YOU TALKING BACK TO ME???). Nothing is getting through. Nobody’s learning.

But you probably shouldn’t separate them.

(Chapter Two)

Fat Lip:

Okay this one is not that deep LMAOOO. Unlike Come Out and Play, this one is purely about them being deranged teenagers, bc this chapter focuses more heavily on their antics.

All The Small Things:

This chapter plays out like any normal day for these characters, and because of that, it may seem like pointless. But what it’s meant to do is serve as a reference point (all of the first three chapters are, actually). What that means is that the more the plot and B&BH will spiral, these first 3 chapters are a reminder of what once was, and they go from funny to bittersweet.

ATST is about how while this chapter is more so slice of life, the “small things” are nevertheless really important to these two. AKA, this is their ten-thousandth uneventful day together, but they’re together, and that’s what they care about. I am making no sense . Fuck it we ball

(Chapter Three)

My Hero:

Reminder that Chapter 3 is the chapter when Beavis falls down the stairs and Butt-Head starts tweaking. This song is meant to be taken through Beavis’ perspective.

There goes my hero

Watch him as he goes

There goes my hero

He's ordinary

This song in the context of the fic appears to be nothing more than a sarcastic jab. Like wow Butt-Head what a great fucking hero you are. However, we know that as much as Beavis talks shit to Butt-Head, there is a very strong love within him. He will never admit it, but this guy IS his hero. This song is genuine, and Beavis doesn’t know it. We have genuine love that is being sarcastically sung. Have you guys caught on that im bad at explaining things. This is a lot better in my head

Where Are You Going:

Meanwhile! This song is through Butt-Head’s perspective!

I am no Superman

I have no reasons for you

I am no hero

Oh, that's for sure

But I do know one thing

Is where you are is where I belong

I do know where you go

That's where I want to be

see why i bolded those lines LMAO

He’s Beavis’s hero… but Butt-Head is no hero. He loves Beavis, but he is also an unhealed, traumatized victim of Joanna. He is terrifyingly emotionally stunted, violence is always his answer, and much, much more. I mean goddamn he was this close to KILLING Beavis in this chapter- not that it’s the first time either of them have tried to or have indirectly nearly caused each other’s demise and not given one singular fuck (except for the episodes Take A Bow and The Day Butt-Head Went Too Far). And in the song, the lyrics just straight up state this (again, I am no hero).

And like Beavis in the last song, these meaning of these lyrics are also something Butt-Head “doesn’t know.” At least, not consciously. He is no hero. He is cruel, borderline barbaric, oh, that’s for sure. But the love he has for Beavis is literally life-defining. Where you are is where I belong, no matter where that is, even if it’s in hell. This song represents Butt-Head’s constant psychological battle between the love he feels and the person he was abused into becoming. (Note: this symbolism can also be applied to Beavis).

(Chapter Four)

Highway to Hell:

haha look it’s the guy named butthole’s song

I’ll try to keep this one short. This song is referencing their antics at the beginning of the chapter (aka, robbery LMAO). But… also… they are literally on a highway to hell, since at the end of the chapter is the cuddling scene that sets everything off.

I’m So Into You:

not a lot to say here either! I actually already talked about this song before (on a post I cannot find! eye twitching). The lyrics are self-explanatory.

I'm so into you

I don't know what I'm gonna do

Boy, you got me so confused

I don't know what I'm gonna do

The song is also about pining for a man who is already in a relationship, which is fitting, since this is the chapter where Butt-Head meets Hannah.

(Chapter Five)

So Much To Say:

I have also spoken about this song before! And while it’s mentioned in Chapter Seven, it’s referencing the events in Chapter Five, which is why I made it Ch. 5’s song. Okay anyways

I say my hell is the closet, I'm stuck inside

haha get it. gay. okay anyways

Can't see the light

Keep it locked up inside

Don't talk about it

T-T-Talk about the weather

Yeah, yeah, yeah

What were they doing in Chapter Five again??? Ohh yeahhh keeping their feelings abt the prior night locked up inside and talking about the weather instead. It’s simple and straight-forward but fits so perfectly i love it so much lmao

Take On Me:

okay so I will be completely honest here. I stole the idea of using this song for emo reasons from The Last of Us 2 LMAOOOOO

Youtuber TLOU Explained did a beautiful analysis video on the relationship between Ellie and Dina, the game’s main characters. In one scene, Ellie sings an acoustic version of “Take On Me” to Dina, and TLOU Explained describes the song’s meaning as this,

“I also think the lyrics of this song are especially poignant, summarizing Ellie and Dina’s relationship in just one line. Ellie sings, ‘Take me on,’ including all of her grief and baggage, everything that she is now, which Dina has already shown that she’s willing to do and will do for as long as she can. Ellie sings, ‘I’ll be gone in a day or two,’ and tragically, in two days from now, the Ellie that Dina knows and loves will be gone.”

I’m only mentioning this because that video is what made me realize what the writers of The Last of Us 2 were doing- what these lyrics, sung in an upbeat tone, can symbolize in a more tragic way. And I don’t want people to think I came up with the idea of using “Take On Me” in a serious way because i absolutely did not LMAO (Note: I wouldn’t do this if this story was an original project. This is just a fanfiction, so I don’t mind taking inspiration from The Last of Us 2 so directly).

Anyways, this song is meant to represent the end of Chapter Five, when Beavis finally recalls what happened the night before and is wrestling with the weight of it all. Using such a fun song seems ironic, but 1) I am a sucker for upbeat songs playing during dramatic moments (i.e., the song “Our Love” in Episode 2 of Arcane). 2) Like I already explained, the lyrics mean more than they appear.

In the context of the fic, the verse, “Take me on,” is a dare. It’s a dare to both characters. Take on what happened between us. I dare you. I dare you to take on what it means to be in love with someone like me. Take me on.

I'll be gone

In a day or two

(Chapter Six)

Bullet With Butterfly Wings:

While both characters can work with this song, this chapter is about Butt-Head being more awful than usual to Beavis, who is trying his best to get back to normal. So, this song is about Beavis.

The world is a vampire

Sent to drain

And Butt-Head is Beavis’ world.

(I feel like the rest of the lyrics don’t really need explaining lmao)

Smile Like You Mean It:

Not too much to say here! The title of the song alone pretty much sums it up. These two (Beavis, especially) are trying to act like everything is okay, but it’s not. They’re “smiling,” but they’re not meaning it.

(Chapter Seven)

In The End:

Once again, this song was mentioned in Chapter Eight, but it’s about Chapter Seven, so that’s why it’s here.

This one is basically Beavis’ breaking point. He’s tried and tried and tried to get things back to normal, and Butt-Head is being everything but cooperative. The last song, “Smile Like You Mean It” is like his final Hail Mary, he’s demanding himself to “smile” like he means it. But in “In The End,” he’s completely given up on trying to fix things. Well, not really. We know that Beavis would never actually give up on Butt-Head. But emotions are high, he’s pissed, and Butt-Head is continuously making everything worse.

How long will he last

Before he's a creep in the past

And you're alone once again?

Will you pop up again

And be my special friend

'Til the end?

And when will that be?

I figured out what you're all about

And I don't think I like what I see

So I hope I won't be there in the end

If you come around

No More Like That:

This song is through Butt-Head’s perspective, and it’s almost a whiplash. The song is a slow, depressing ballad, which is 1) in stark contrast to the prior song, and 2) doesn’t match Butt-Head at all. But it’s representing how Butt-Head put himself aside at the end of this chapter to try to fix things with Beavis. The song is different, and so is Butt-Head’s behavior.

You know you're breaking my heart

And I'm coming apart

Calling in sick

(Chapter Eight)

Hook:

oooo one of my favorites lmao

Okay, so if you’re unaware of this song, its point is that it’s pointless. These are literally the lyrics:

It doesn't matter what I say

So long as I sing with inflection

That makes you feel I'll convey

Some inner truth or vast reflection

But I've said nothing so far

And I can keep it up for as long as it takes

And it don't matter who you are

If I'm doing my job then it's your resolve that breaks

Because the Hook brings you back

I ain't tellin' you no lie

The Hook brings you back

On that you can rely

In the context of this fic, it’s meant to call attention to how this is pretty much the state Beavis and Butt-Head are in right now. Sure, they’re no longer fighting, but have they… actually resolved anything? They didn’t directly confront the issue, and more so swept everything under the rug in an attempt to get things back to how they were. They’ve said nothing so far, but the hook brings them back, the hook being the somewhat familiarity that has returned. It doesn’t matter how shaky or unstable it is, it’s familiar, it’s the hook, and it keeps bringing them back. It doesn’t matter what they say, as long as they sing with inflection. You get it lmao. This is a banger song btw i highly recommend it

Mt. Washington:

This one is about the end of the chapter, where Beavis has a breakdown over his mother.

Face stained in the ceiling

Why does it keep saying?

I don't have to see you right now

I don't have to see you right now

This part is literal. Beavis literally stares at the ceiling the entire night instead of sleeping.

Digging like you can bury

Something that cannot die

We could wash the dirt off our hands now

Keep it from living underground

This is a call to how Beavis has suppressed everything about his mother. What she has done, what she has not done, Shirley herself. Shirley cannot die, yet Beavis keeps digging.

Lazy summer goddess

You can tell our whole empire

I don't have to see you right now

I don't have to see you right now

“Goddess” being Shirley, for she is weirdly like a divine figure to him. She has hurt him over and over again, telling him, “I don’t have to see you right now,” and yet he clings onto her.

The rest of the song repeats the verse, I don’t have to see you right now. The instruments get louder, the singer starts shouting, everything starts getting faster. It’s like a spiral. Beavis is spiraling.

(Chapter Nine)

Here Before:

This one is Van Driessen’s relationship to Beavis and Butt-Head and how he sees their mothers in everything they do, how they have been here before.

Once I had a child

He was wilder than moonlight

He could do it all

Like he'd been here before

This is about Beavis and Shirley. Wilder than moonlight (Interesting… moonlight isn’t that wild). He could do it all. She could do it all.

Then I had a child

Took his while like northern summer

And he knows it all

Like he's been here before

This is about Butt-Head and Joanna. Took his while like northern summer. He knows it all. Joanna knew it all (We see this trait in the way she talks to Van Driessen in the Chapter 8 flashback) (And of course, in reality, Butt-Head and Joanna do not know it all. It’s the exact opposite. But in their minds, it’s very true).

Somethin’ Stupid:

And of course, the love ballad between a man and a woman is about Butt-Head and Hannah. orrrrrrr is it LOL

The time is right, your perfume fills my head

The stars get red, and, oh, the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all

By saying somethin' stupid like, "I love you"

Something interesting here, is why would saying, “I love you,” spoil anything? The narrators are clearly in love. They are on a date, singing fondly of the experience and of one another. But in the context of the fic, as we know, Hannah saying, “I love you,” does. spoil. everything.

And the sentence repeats itself, over and over again. It’s a sweet, genuine echo in Hannah’s head. But for Butt-Head, the echo is a slow, suffocating realization.

"I love you"

"I love you"

"I love you"

"I love you"

aaaaaaand unless I’ve been executed by the state i will go off about the rest of the songs when the chapters are released. BUH BYEEEEEEEEEE

[shakingparadigm]

Hello it's the anon who said about the Ivan collar thing 😭. I come with some little brainrots.

Mizi sang "Black Sorrow" as a solo cover for unrequited love, with Sua being dead.

But the cover made me think. What if somehow Sua, in a way, is the Till to Mizi's Ivan. What if Sua, even if she loves Mizi back, never really fully indulged in it.

Specially in "My Clematis" where Mizi regarded Sua as a god, all I can imagine is Sua who always kept a perfect image in front of everyone including Mizi. Sua who never really showed her vulnerability to Mizi even though the other girl bared her entire heart. Just the idea that she somewhat kept a mask of pretend, letting Mizi be as blissful as it can be before the inevitable.

Aka tragic Yuri breaking my heart that Sua had to keep her own planned death a secret from her beloved because of one (and only) little selfish wish, which is to let Mizi live.

(Also sorry for spamming asks this frequently! I've been going through ALNST hyperfixations and your blog have a great humor.)

DONT EVER BE SORRY FOR SPAMMING ASKS! they make me really happy! Thank you so much! Sorry it takes me a while to answer them sometimes, my brains been pretty messy as of late, and I keep losing track of time.

That's a really interesting perspective to see it from. Regarding their relationship as a whole, I actually think it was the opposite. Sua only ever opened up to Mizi, and to everyone else she was timid and closed off. That was one of the reasons why their bond was so strong, they clung to each other. Sua retreats into herself, avoiding others in an attempt to protect her soft-hearted feelings, only sticking to Mizi because she loved and trusted her most. Mizi loved Sua like a dog because she was a cure for her loneliness back when Mizi felt isolated and afraid of being away from her home. They gave each other everything, which is why the thought of Mizi dying filled Sua with so much anguish that she'd rather die herself.

But if we're talking about the few weeks leading up to the first round of ALNST (you probably meant this, my bad) then definitely. She spent the last of her life counting down the hours, putting on a brave face and trying to make the remainder of her time with Mizi the best it could possibly be. I assume it was Mizi that proposed a tie. Sua played along, or maybe even believed in it at first, because ALIEN STAGE was something that they both looked forward to their whole lives, something that was held over their heads like a reward instead of the death sentence it actually was. Sua most likely started planning her death after she realized the possible consequences. The thing is, according to the MiziSua interview, a tie had never happened before in ALIEN STAGE. Which means that we don't know what happens if a tie actually does occur. It seems unlikely that ALIEN STAGE, which derives its stakes from the deaths of the contestants, would let both go forward thanks to a tie. I mean, if that happened, then everyone else would just decide to tie in order to keep each other alive, and where's the fun in a deathless season? Where's the stakes in that? It goes against everything ALIEN STAGE is built on. If a tie did happen, they most likely would have forced a situation where one of them would have to die anyway. It just lengthens the process and makes it more complicated. I like to think that, at some point, Sua realized this. If they tie, there's no guarantee that they both stay alive. In a tie situation, they might even randomly pick the contestant to be eliminated. The circumstances are uncertain and unpredictable, and within those hypotheticals Mizi dying is always an option. But if Sua adjusts her own performance level without Mizi knowing, she can ensure that the only person who has to die is herself. As stated before, Sua is soft-hearted. Her blank demeanor is indeed a mask for overwhelming feelings that lie beneath the surface. Mizi worships Sua, but Sua loves Mizi an incredible amount too. She must have loved her so much that Ivan, an exceedingly observant asshole (affectionate), picked up on it and was able to discern her intentions. Ivan criticizes Sua for choosing to sacrifice herself, calling her out for "playing hero", but most importantly, accusing her of dying only because she herself cannot handle the pain of losing someone she loves. She cannot fathom living a life where Mizi is dead, so she "runs away" from it by any means possible. He accuses her of being a hypocrite because the future that pains her to think about is one that she is about to inflict on her beloved. Is it an act of love or an act of selfishness? Is Ivan twisting her genuinely pure intentions and chastising her into believing that it makes her a bad person? Despite being hit with this crisis and crying over it, Sua decides to sacrifice herself anyway. And her happy mask was so impressive that Mizi failed to notice she was digging her own grave.

Sua not "indulging" in her love for Mizi is actually really interesting, and I can see how it can come off that way because Mizi is much more affectionate. But I actually think otherwise!

I think it's not really that she refused to indulge in her love, rather she indulged in it so much that she died to ensure she'd never have to live without it.

[bokettochild]

Do you have any writing tips for beginners?

Asolutally!

Don't make it good. Write, get the idea out. No one gives a darn about which words you use, just the feelings and pictures they get out of them. They remember what you tell the, not how you tell them it.

Follow your flow. If the character wants to do something, let them. This is how you keep them in character. If it goes against what you wanted/needed, then find a way to slowly redirect them back where you need them. Don't drag them there, make them think it was their idea.

If you get stuck, change something about what's happening. Change the weather, the narrator, the scene. Make a loud noise startle someone. Break up the silence with something to make the characters start responding again.

Plan what you want to happen if it's a long story, but don't expect to follow it precisely. Again, the characters have their own minds and may act differently than you expected. That said, make sure to hit your key points somehow, even if it takes a while and some work to make them hit them. this is how you tell an actual story, not just ramble.

For short stories, don't plan. Planning makes you feel like you've already written it. Just sit down and spill the vibes. Rambling is Very Good here.

Edit after at least 24 hours. It looks newer and you are more likely to notice the mistakes. Do two edits though, so you catch the ones you missed the first time.

Don't publish until 24 hours have passed. You'll experience less regret. If it's still good after the 24 hour test, then it's good, not just the euphoria of finishing a project.

Don't be afraid to double check word meanings, even if you've been using the words for forever. Sometimes having the definition makes all the difference when deciding if it's the right word to explain what you're hearing/seeing in your head.

Use. Paragraph. Breaks. New character speaking/acting = new paragraph. New subject matter being discussed = new paragraph. Don't worry if your paragraph is only a sentence. Or a few words. Or one word. Just make sure it's easy to tell who's doing what and when.

If it's fanfiction, don't worry too much about describing well known locations/items/people. Your readers know what these familiar places/items/characters look like, so describing might just bore them. If it's new stuff, or if you changed something about the person/object/location (e.g. damage, decoration, notable features that impact the plot or which the characters notice) then DO mention it, but otherwise, don't worry about describing the familiar too much. Unless you enjoy describing things and setting the scene! Then just have fun, but be conscious to not be a Tolkien and take forever to get past the descriptions and into the story; you might lose your audience that way!

Have fun! If you don't like writing it, don't write it. It ain't worth it.

Length doesn't matter. 500 words is good. 10,000 words is good. Any words is good. Just write. Don't look at the word count or page count (turn it off if you can).

Don't let anyone tell you what you should write, and let no one steal the joy of hyperfixating when you want to. Write for yourself first and foremost!

Hope this helps!

[bite-sized-devil]

Hello! Congrats on 500 followers (I've only just found your blog aha, but congrats either way ^^)

If possible I'd like to request a matchup hehe~ I'm average height I think (5'3), I have a real gothic style (black and dark colours are my thing. Rather casual but I'll sometimes go with makeup if I'm going out, tho that's usually more reserved for when I'm cosplaying). My hobbies would be writing, listening to music and playing games mainly (unless sleeping is considered a hobby too? I do that a lot. Low energy levels especially as of recently for some reason). My favourite writing genres are usually very dark and horror themes along with angst (though I do sometimes write fluff too), my music taste is mainly obey me and enstars songs with some other stuff mixed in like alternative or dance pop. I mainly play gacha games and rhythm games too aha. As mentioned before another of my hobbies would be cosplay, though I don't really now do it unless I'm going to a con with my friend. My star sign if relevant is Sagittarius btw. My most prominent sin is Envy (tho Gluttony and Sloth do represent me well, Envy is the best). I'm very quiet and shy/awkward but I do tend to talk for hours the second I'm able to talk abt my hyperfixations aha. Also got a terrible habit of staying up late playing games or whatever and then wondering why I'm always so tired lol

My Obey Me f/os are Belphie, Levi, Asmo & Beel btw ^^

(not sure if most of that info was necessary but hopefully that's enough, I can't really think of anything else to describe myself aha)

As for the hcs/short fic, I'm not into nsfw so sfw for that please.

Thank you in advance! :)

🌻 500 followers Bite Sized Event 🌻

No warning needed just sfw fluffy fluff 💕

Match Up: Leviathan, Third Born, Avatar of Envy

I'm matching you with Levi! I feel like he'd either be your perfect other half or the bane of your existence. Heaven forbid you have opposing views on games or anime. You'll be fighting for days! You like a gothic style? Cool ya boys got purple hair, he can dig that! Your low energy levels won't be a problem, you guys can game in his bath tub. 💕

Head canons for the two of you:

Levi asked you out pretty much the week after you received his pact mark. The two of you had being hanging out every chance you got. After RAD, before RAD, over the weekends. You were inseparable! It was sickening to watch or be near. You were getting so close you were finishing each others sentences, and even in public.. LIKE A BUNCH OF NORMIES! Naturally that freaked Levi out when Asmo was teasing him about it but then he realised he didn't care. He wanted to be more than just a friend.

You often fall asleep in his bathtub with your head on his chest and one of his arms wrapped around you.

All nighters are very common! Gaming is on, if you were only a filthy casual before you aren't anymore.

The arguments the two of you have over which anime or game is better are massive but hilarious. It's petty bullshit and you both know it so it's never to serious.

He talks about you to his streamers so often. Like the boy is obsessed! His followers never complain though, they think you're super cute.

Your both quite jealous by nature, which came be catastrophic. Look out anyone who flirts with you, lotan is being summoned. Same goes for anyone that flirts with him, consider them cursed, hexed, d.e.a.d.

Can we just talk about how cute you'd both look doing couples cosplay? Can you imagine the possibilities!? Natsu and Lucy, Sakura and Sasuke (personally I'm more Naruto and Sasuke but whatever), Edward & Winry, Kirito and Asuna, Sophie and Howl, peanut & butter. Really the list is endless.

Pillow forts that take up Levi's entire room. Belphie helped you set them up and then promptly left when you guys started making out underneath it. STOP BEING GROSSLY CUTE YOU TOO! The brothers have started a chat without the both of you so they can complain whenever they see you guys kissing or being all lovey dovey in front of them.

Hope you liked this match up lovely! 💕 I'll work on your sfw Levi fic now that I've finished this match up! If you prefer a different brother for the fic just let me know, or if you've changed your mind and you want to give me an idea that's cool too, I'm easy, breezy, beautiful 😂☺️😘

[polkadotpatterson]

Hi hello for the ask game: 🍓🫐☀️ (with sun being, if you want - two quotes from an earlier and recent work respectively that are thematically linked/reprises of each other 👀)

🍓 favorite poetic quote from a wip

honestly I feel like 90% of my poetic ability goes into my PMD fic which I have not touched in ages but I swear I do fully intend to finish it bc it's very dear to my heart and I'm pretty darn proud of it. anyway here's a bit from the half-finished chapter that's been sitting in my drafts since uuuuhhhhh. don't worry about it

And so you climb. Past the clinging flowers and the skeletons of trees, past the soft blue-green streams, past rocks the colour of lightning that grow more jagged and angry the further you go. And all the while, the vortex of clouds tightens around you, the dark gray-purple-black of Zapdos’ rage throbbing like a bruise on the sky. There's thunder beneath your feet and thunder above your head and thunder in your mind and the world is nothing but thunder, but you keep going.

🫐 a line from a published work that you’re proud of, but no one’s mentioned yet - or if you can’t think of one, an underrated line in general

well since we're already on the subject of PMD, here's a little bit about how mesmerizing oceans can be, just for you :)

The sea. The sea. It stretches out in front of you forever, a limitless expanse of water fading into the horizon. Your pond looks like an insignificant puddle next to the ever-changing ocean, this bright blue world that you could explore for the rest of your life and never see all of. Before you know it, you're right up at the edge of the cliff, staring down at the clouds as they glide across the water to join the waves in a hypnotic dance. You want to dive in and wrap yourself in all of it, let it surround you like a blanket. You want to leap through the waves until you’ve forgotten what it's like to walk on land. You want to dissolve into seafoam and fade into the deep. You-- You feel a nudge on your shoulder.

the pmd world is beautiful and also kinda messed up and that's a very fun combo to write :)

☀️ asker’s choice of published work: two quotes from an earlier and recent work respectively that are thematically linked/reprises of each other

hehe nice sun 2 reference :) well ok how can I see Themes and Reprise and not go right for Dot's rhythm. I looooove incorporating that into their pov, not just the literal recurring one-two-three but the way they often think and talk in three words or sentences at a time, and how at first they do it more when they're hyperfixated on pitching or going full No Thoughts Only Blaseball, but gradually come to both do it less and also reclaim it as their own thing and not something forced on them by the gods... yeah ok this is gonna get a bit long let me slap a readmore on it lol

there are soooo many instances to pull from here but I think the best parallel is probably from over and over and then over again, where they spend the whole fic feeling guilty and trapped in being unable to do anything but be a Perfect Pitcher even when it's the absolute last thing their team needs from them, helpless against the power of the gods as they watch the innings tick on and their teammates in more and more danger, spending hours of practice afterwards trying to not be perfect for once and the gods simply won't let them...

One. Two. Three. The blaseball makes a perfect rhythm even outside of the game, always hitting the wall within the boundaries of the ever-present rectangle they can see in their mind, strikeout after strikeout after strikeout. Dot reaches out fingers to draw the ball back to them after each throw, not needing to move from their spot. One. Two. Three. Perfect. Chosen. Unstoppable. One. Two. Three. Heartless. Ruthless. Unstoppable. What does Jaylen do, when everything is pounding loud in her head and the world is too big and too small all at once and everyone stares at her with hate and fear and she knows that her hands and her life aren't hers anymore and probably never will be again? Dot doubts that the answer is “more pitching”. One. Two. Three. Throw it somewhere else. Anywhere else. Stop doing the same thing over and over and over again.  Why? the gods demand. This is perfection. This is what you are. This is a gift that many would kill to have. You think too much of killing, Dot tells them. One. Two. Three.

versus it’s how I know that I’m still here where Dot has finally been unlearning their whole I'm Just A Pitcher thing and with the alternative being losing everyone they love, they finally fight and take their power and use it for something different, use it to tear holes in reality and come home :')

“You are not the only gods who gave me powers.” The squid? The squid is nothing. Without us, you are nothing, too. “Then I would rather be nothing. Take my stars. Take my pitching. Take my life. Take whatever else you want, but you can't take me. And you can't take my family, either.”  You know not what deal you are making. It will not end well for you. It is better to give in. Almost there. They’re almost there. They kick and push and struggle against the tide, watch the right world come back into focus. Almost there. Just a few more strokes. Reach the shore. One. “This is non-negotiable. I am taking what is mine. Myself.” Two. “I won’t let you steal me anymore. I have learned a thing or two about stealing. More than even you know.” Three. Stop that! Someone must take your place. You cannot stay in this world. “I'm through with being told what I can't do. I'm through with being dragged around. I'm through with all of it.” The field is within reach now, their teammates standing confused and concerned under the Dallas sky, the right Dallas sky. Dot had never thought of it as home, but they realize now how foolish they’ve been; everything in this world is home, all of it, and they’re through taking that for granted. You cannot run from us forever. We will find you. We --  “Don't talk to me in threes. This is my rhythm now. Not yours, never again.”

you tell em Dot!!! this is a pretty incoherent post lol but I went into it in more detail here back in the day

[scattermindsage]

Reading a Book with Feels Like Climbing a Mountain (With No Map) To You ?

Hey there, fellow scatterbrains (and honorary scatterbrains).

Let’s talk about something I’ve been struggling with lately: reading a book. I don’t mean textbooks or anything boring—those are a whole other nightmare. I mean books I actually want to read. Fiction, fantasy, self-help, memoirs—you name it. I love the idea of reading books, but sitting down and focusing long enough to actually finish one? That’s where things fall apart.

If you’ve got ADHD, you probably know exactly what I mean.

The ADHD Reading Struggle

So, here’s how it typically goes for me:

1. Excitement Stage

I hear about a new book, and suddenly it’s all I can think about. The cover looks amazing, the blurb hooks me, and I’m convinced this book will Change. My. Life. I rush to buy it—because waiting is not an option when you’ve got ADHD and a hyperfixation brewing.

2. Start Strong, Fizzle Fast

The book arrives, and I dive in with all the energy of a toddler on sugar. The first 10 pages? Amazing. I’m loving it. My brain is hooked. But then… something shiny distracts me. Maybe it’s my phone, maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t had a snack in two hours, or maybe it’s just that my brain decided to think about 25 other things at the same time.

3. The “Wait, What Did I Just Read?” Spiral

Even when I try to focus, my brain has other plans. I’ll read the same paragraph three times because halfway through, my mind wanders off. Suddenly I’m not in the story anymore—I’m wondering if my neighbor’s cat ever gets bored or planning what I’ll eat for breakfast tomorrow. When I snap back to reality, I have no clue what’s happening in the book, and I have to start over.

4. Abandonment

At some point, I inevitably put the book down. Not because I don’t like it, but because it feels like too much effort to keep going. I tell myself I’ll come back to it tomorrow, but “tomorrow” turns into next week, next month, or never. And then I feel guilty because how hard can it be to just read a book?!

Why This Happens

Here’s the thing:

Reading a book requires sustained focus, and that’s not exactly ADHD’s strong suit.

Our brains crave novelty and stimulation, so when a book slows down or doesn’t grab us instantly, it’s hard to stay engaged. Add in time blindness (aka forgetting how long you’ve been reading) and executive dysfunction (aka struggling to start or finish tasks), and you’ve got the perfect storm for an unfinished book pile. It’s not that we don’t want to read—it’s that our brains make it ridiculously hard to stick with it.

Tips That (Sometimes) Help

Over the years, I’ve found a few tricks that make reading a bit easier. They don’t work every time, but hey, progress is progress:

Audiobooks Are a Lifesaver

If focusing on a physical book feels impossible, try listening instead. Audiobooks let you “read” while doing other things, like cleaning or walking. Plus, a good narrator can make even a slow book feel exciting.

Choose ADHD-Friendly Books

Short chapters, fast-paced stories, or books with lots of dialogue work best for me. Bonus points if the book has a good cliffhanger at the end of every chapter.

Set a Timer

Sometimes I trick my brain into reading by telling myself, “Just 10 minutes.” More often than not, I’ll get sucked into the story and keep going after the timer ends.

Take Breaks

There’s no rule that says you have to finish a book in one sitting. Read a chapter, take a break, and come back when your brain feels ready.

Be Kind to Yourself

This is the most important tip. Struggling to read doesn’t make you lazy or less smart. Your brain just works differently, and that’s okay.

A Love Letter to My ADHD Readers

If you’re reading this and nodding along, please know you’re not alone. It’s not just you. The unfinished book pile? The frustration of reading the same sentence over and over? The guilt? Yeah, I get it.

You don’t need to read like everyone else. You just need to read like you.

But here’s the thing: you’re not failing. You’re navigating the world with a brain that’s wired for creativity, curiosity, and a million ideas at once. So maybe reading a book takes you longer. Or maybe you read differently—through audiobooks, podcasts, or summaries. That’s okay.

Until next time,

ScatterMindSage

[mysterystar2]

YIPPEE PROPAGANDA TIME FINALLY!!! @just-some-guy-joust

So! Please vote for Gloria! She's my lil babey and she's got so many just some guy vibes!! She may have some main-cast-syndrome but it doesn't matter because she's still just some guy in her heart and I love her for it!! So here are some reasons to vote for my girl I love her so much

1 - Just like Levi, she's autistic! Like I said in her post, she's got a special interest in photography and she's literally so autistic about it. She doesn't quite understand the social rules of when it's appropriate to take photos or not unless there's a sign actually saying she's not allowed to (like in a museum or a movie theater or so). Other than photography infodumps, her most-said sentence is probably "But there's no sign saying photography isn't allowed!"

2 - She's literally just the friend of all time. She's so so friendly and is so so close with all her loved ones. If you need a friend she's your gal!!

3 - Honestly at least I find her super relatable. That may be because she started as a "I'm hyperfixating on ADHD and have to do something about it" self insert but now she's her own gal and I love her for it. She's really confident in photography but is otherwise pretty anxious all around. Poor girl probably just wants a hug 24/7, especially when stuff gets more serious once the story picks up

4- Speaking of the story, this is where she becomes less just some guy, but she definitely carries just some guy energy throughout the whole thing!! The lab finds her interesting because of her powers (and because studying her powers would maybe help stabilize power splices. Her friend who she met in the lab is one of those power splices!). Even though all that "woah you've got powers you're interesting" and "woah I've got powers that's scary" stuff, she was still so her and so normal about everything else. Even in the lab she made an effort to be friends or be friendly with other experiments <3

5 - She's semi-fluent in ASL! As a bilingual person (German and English) I just love when characters know more than one or even a tiny part of another one. I really gotta apply that to more of my characters I love geeking out about being bilingual it's very fun. Her friend Rav (owned by @derpu-doodles) is nonverbal/communicates through sign, so she's still able to chat with him :D. Also I assume that when she gets overstimulated she probably goes nonverbal too so it's helpful on both ends!

6- Book nerd :D. I have no idea what kind of books she likes (probably largely fantasy and other fiction stuff, maybe with a bit of history and a lot of photography-related stuff sprinkled in!)

7 - Pictures! Less of an argument about personality but some pictures are always good to show how cool my just some gal is!

This one is drawn by @derpu-doodles - an example of her,,, not really understanding that it isn't quite appropriate to take a photo of someone's big face scar as soon as they're comfortable to show it. Also that's the Rav I was talking about!

Drawn by me! (all the others I'm showing will be too, so last artist note) - she's just a sleepy gal! I did this for a lil' sleepy guy drawing challenge. She's so cute I love her, just a sleepy lil' gal

I've shared this one before but it's her as an autism creature! Levi is also described as an autism creature so I'm imagining them yippee-ing back and forth at each other for hours on end and it makes me happy

I'm planning on posting a doodle page for her tomorrow!! I just really wanted to get a bit of propaganda in already <3

Just Some Guy OC Tourney - Side B: Round 1

Rules:

do NOT be mean to anyone or any characters in these polls. you MUST clarify if you are joking/teasing or you will be blocked. if you are someone who entered an oc into this and you are mean to other contestants you will be disqualified

do NOT claim a character doesn't deserve to be here. yes including your own. be nice

if you are posting propaganda you have to tag us, including if your propaganda is in the reblogs. it is difficult to tell when something is or isn't propaganda. anything not tagging us will likely be missed

please don't hesitate to let me know if i messed something up!

have fun, hype each other up <3 thank you

Gloria | She/her | @mysterystar2

CW: Kidnapping, experiments (in full description and toyhouse profile)

Just a gal! She's got a normal family and (up until recently) a normal life too. She's got a special interest in photography and is also generally a very anxious gal, and a lot of us can probably relate <3. She's super considerate and is super close with her friends and family, and would probably be your buddy too even if you only tell her hi.

Promos: https://toyhou.se/22927325.gloria

~

Levi Dienhart | He/him | @imfirequeen (submitted by @rainecloud020604)

Levi lost his memories and is now kinda just a wet pathetic cat of a man. He works in a craft shop all day and has a sweet girlfriend and a daughter they adopted. He's in a constant state of being unfazed and just confused, but he does like purple. He's the embodiment of the autism creature.

Promos: https://toyhou.se/18053042.levi-dienhart https://toyhou.se/imfirequeen

~

Full images and descriptions under the cut!

So uh, now time for the less normal stuff. She got kidnapped and put into a lab that spliced her with a chameleon shortly before she turned 16. Around that same time, she developed (genetic) telekinesis powers as well. Other than having some added trauma, a new friend, and some powers (levitating things and some color changing spots), she's still a normal gal on the inside <3. Within the lab, experiments like her are quite common, and the previously mentioned friend is one of them! Gal's got auDHD and is a pretty fidgetty gal, along with carrying her beloved camera with her LITERALLY everywhere. And she may or may not understand when it's socially acceptable to take pictures (has said "well there's no signs saying it's not allowed" on MANY occasions). She's also semi-fluent in ASL :>

[no extra description provided]

[local-paranoid-cryptid]

what its like living with adhd

because some of y’all Technoblade writers need it:

-I cant tell if I turned off the christmas lights in my room unconsciously, if someone has been in my room without me knowing, or if theres a ghost in my room.

-HYPERFIXATIONS. I literally can’t get anything done because I want to go on Tumblr or read fanfic or smth.

-when you hyper focus it feels like your a normal person and then someone walks in the room and ruins it.

-you forget what you were gonna say because your brain goes 100 miles an hour and it has eaither so much to say or nothing to say.

-it may be just me, but when i’m typing I have to go back a lot becuase of the amount of eerors i make it rediculous. this secntance has little to no corrections becaue its an exampel.

-just staring at something. for no reason

-sensory overload (also called overstimulation) can be caused by loud noises or certain triggers *cough cough* child screaming/yelling, parents refusing to use headphone when listening to podcast, crowded areas, *cough* though sensory overload is also a symptom of anxiety, autism, and not limited to ADHD

-music helps w/ working, but it has to be the right music

-fiddling with sleeves, hair, fingers, and moving feet as a stim

-not being able to remember what I was doing

- “im hungry, I should go downstairs to eat food. buuuttt.. while I’m downstairs I should take down the trash.” so I go downstairs and take out the trash. “wait, what was I doing again? right! food! while the food heats up I should replace the trash bag in my bedroom! okay, bags are under sink.. did I brush my teeth today? I’m gonna do that real fast.” and then the food gets cold. I could go on for hours but I’m gonna leave it at that.

- “why didn't you finish these assignment?”

-”i forgot”

- “why didn’t you make a list on a sticky note like I told you?”

-impulsive thoughts

- Brain: you should jump out this car. right now

-Me: what? why? 

-Brain: idk.

-getting sudden drawing/writing/headcanon ideas but in the middle of school

-run on sentences without realizing it

- “that reminds me of the time...”

I could go on but let me know if you have any questions :)

also, I have a little brother that acts exactly like how i’d imagine tommy would act as a child, so i may do a post similar to this one for writers that need to write Tommy being a terror if y’all want :)

[ungalossimp]

Ungalo thoughts :

non-verbal headcanons + f/o thoughts

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

✧･ I've been semi non-verbal for a while now (autism burnout + trauma response + social anxiety goes brrr). Which means I can't bring myself to talk to anyone, even if I really want to. It even happens when I'm alone.

The words / sentences form in my mind but then I freeze. The words rush in my mind but I can't talk, so it "piles up" in an overwhelming way. It's not only exhausting to talk, it can also feel terrifying - I feel a lot of pressure. I also struggle a lot to maintain eye contact during those moments.

.

When things get difficult I imagine Ungalo hugging me / being with me, and it helps a lot. I bet he would understand and help me as much as he can :3

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✧･ He wouldn't force me to talk / get annoyed, and he'd know I can still listen to him - in fact I could hear him talk about his hyperfixation for hours (>ω<✧) ❣

He'd bark at people that try to push me around / get snappy at me because they think that someone being non-verbal gives them the authorization to lash out their frustration at said person. He'd probably bite too at some point x3

(He has the personnality of an overprotective enraged chihuahua with the bite of a crocodile hxhhfcy 🥺)

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✧･ Actually I headcanon that he too can be non verbal. For him it can be triggered by withdrawals / depression / overstimulation, but it also can happen when he's feeling comfy and at peace ; he doesn't feel the need to "mask" by forcing himself to talk.

Finding the words to describe & express his emotions can be a chore, so he's glad he doesn't *have* to do it with me like he does with a lot of people.

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✧･ The other people he's comfortable being non-verbal with are his brothers :3 - even Donatello ! Turns out Ungalo's big brother likes to and pretend to be a jerk, but he's also very protective of his bros and feels very proud that they can count on him (don't tell him it's not just pride, it's also out of love cause he'll Underworld you - he's such a tsundere)

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More explanations / headcanons on Ungalo being semi non-verbal :

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✧･ For him the words often don't form "correctly" in his mind. Sometimes it goes entirely blank - he doesn't know *what* word describe how he feels, or he can't find the words. In theory he *knows* the words, but as soon as he has to speak it becomes a struggle. He sometimes needs a lot of time to 1) analyse the situation / how he feels 2) find the right words. It's one of the reasons why he loves writing so much - words come more easily, and the whole process of writing offers him more time to think about what he's going to say.

✧･ Sometimes the words that come into his mind won't describe his feelings properly, but they escape too quickly because there is no filter between his mind and his mouth when he *has* to talk. It even goes as far as making him say the contrary of what he's feeling. It's like trying to pass and filter a rushing river through a minuscule faucet.

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✧･ Those two situations / reactions might seem very different, but concerning Ungalo they both are a facet of the same coin.

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✧･ Ungalo venting about being semi-non verbal and "people sucking" (+ him talking about Donatello & being proud :3) :

"It's frustrating as fuck, people want me to find shit to say... And then they get pissed at me when it's not perfect enough ??? Motherfucker, I DIDN'T want to talk in the first place ! I only said something cause you made me feel bad for not speaking.

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And when I'm still not talking they think I'm mad at them so they try to start shit and ficking interrogate me ??? It's like... Fuck, you're not my parole officer, I don't owe ya any explanations. I was just vibbin ! But NOW I'm mad because of you, you stupid shit !!!

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God dammit, this is why I don't like people. Hanging around them suck. Well except you babe. Err... And my siblings too I guess - even Donatello.

He's kind of a a jerk but at least he *gets me*, ya know ? Heh, maybe we get eachother really well cause we're both jerks. Also I know he's doing an effort to be less of a jerk to me Riki & Giogio, cause he loves us. It doesn't come easy for him but he really tries to be nice y'know, and I dunno if it's really workin for now, but at least he's trying and I'm so fucking proud of him.

...

Huh... Anyway please don't tell him I said that, cause he's going to kick my butt and I don't want to be burried alive or be stuck in a plane crash or some shit"

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✧･ Usually during those moments we just cuddle and kiss in a bundle of comfy blanket. And we eat sweets while watching cartoons - I like chocolate and Ungalo loves those acid sugary candies that make the mouth feel like it's melting. Ungalo becomes so much more cuddlier, he gets clingy like a little pup.

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✧･ Of course I'm beyond happy to provide all the cuddles he needs. Having a sappy Ungs follow me around is definitely a not a bad experience (◕‿◡✧) ~ ❤️✨.

Coincidentally (/s) , I also happen to make a lot more hot chocolate - which he *loves* - when he follows me to the kitchen.

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✧･ I'm the same as him, when I'm non-verbal I express my affection a lot more physically. But I also get shy out of nowhere, and a lot of things overwhelm me more easilly. It's alright though, Ungalo is patient when it comes to it.

We're holding hands a lot more, and I love to bury my head into the crook of his neck and just... Breathe in (>///<✧) while we chill together. Objectively he doesn't often always smell good, but I like it because it's *his* smell ; it's a huge source of comfort to me (◡‿◡✧) ❣ ✨

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✧･ There are many love languages other than spoken words ; none of the affection we have for eachother will ever be left unexpressed 🥺❤️✨

[hamtv12]

oh Boy hyperfixation time!!

ULTRAKILL ($25 [might go up soon though], video game) - already know it’s pretty popular, but please. i’m begging. play this game already. it’s the most fun i’ve had in years just play the damn game. your a little war robot in hell on the quest for Blood also you get to fight the arch angel Gabriel. also one of the levels is a dating sim

Picayune Dreams ($5, vidya game)- a silly little game where you’re a funny robot girl who shoots aliens because the government told her too :3 it’s a bullet hell like touhou, so it is a bit hard. also there is a bit of cosmic horrors so be careful :] (seriously there are some genuinely scary parts. that or i’m just a coward lmfao)

Homestuck (free, webcomic) - ok again i know this is tumblr so homestuck is kinda popular here but it has definitely gotten less popular over the years. it’s a webcomic from 2009 about 4 kids playing an online game called sburb but then that leads to the downfall of humanity. :3 it’s a pretty long read (8000 pages), but i highly suggest reading it. each page is about a sentence or two and 1-3 images. also since it’s 2009 it uses some certain words that you definitely can’t say today. (or really back then tbh) also all of the characters are gay

this fuckin thing????

got this thing for christmas. it’s a little hand grabby thing. i use it for dumbass reasons (grabbing things i could easily just grab with my hand) and i highly recommend it. i don’t mean to sound like an infomercial right now but this thing goes hard. it’s so goddamn stupid.

DouDoug (free, although he could put you in his basement and spray you with raid) a twitch streamer and youtuber, brothers with the creator of the stanley parable. he does stupid stuff like making an ai version of pajama sam and forcing it to play a pajama sam game and killing it and restarting it every time it becomes incoherent, celebrating a sea otters birthday (the best sea otter) every year and raising money for funny otter, forcing chat to kill a bird, and a shit ton more. you probably know him best from the shuffler bot stream, since jerma was there. also not to go on a full on tangent or anything but it kinda sucks that’s the dougdoug tag on tumblr is exclusively shuffler bot. like. yeah i get it he’s cool. now can you show me a drawing of doug drinking olive oil.

i know this list is kinda short but it’s 9 am and i woke up an hour ago i’m eepy

don’t feel like tagging anyone so if you see this post feel free to add on to it

i wanna hear your recommendations!

a list with some stuff i like + a request for you to share yours :)

as a godless queer who spawned on earth randomly one time, my only holiday-season tradition is charity + passionately enjoying things. in lieu of passing my followers & mutuals $100 cash, have a random variety of things you might like to try - i know we're an international bunch so your mileage may vary on what you can access. in the spirit of giving i am hoping for some recs 🎁♥

disclaimer these are just things i like i am not paid. would be great. but.

yo ho ho if you read comics & manga but always found it to be a pain in the ass to source online, here's the aggregator app of your dreams: tachiyomiJ2K. real. not clickbait. android only tho. the extensions mangacute, mangadex, allanime, and mangareader, are good places to start. as a creator, i'm always iffy about recommending this kind of thing because i'd much prefer you went out and brought the things you're reading, however i'm not under any illusions about which era we're in, media-wise and economy-wise

gemma! - webcomic what if corvo was a woman and young emily was a dragon and they went on adventures in a fun fantasy/adventure way that is Extremely Gender. pictured: gender. god i want to be her > is this the greatest webcomic of all time? no. is it that sweet spot between 'mindless fun' and 'good'? yes. you get me

laksa noodles the more intl friends i have the more i realise that laksa isn't common everywhere. don't let that stop you from trying it. ultimate comfort food. hearty noodly soupy goodness. worth seeking out fr

ways of seeing - mini-documentary so profoundly changed the way i think that i had been wanting to revisit it and so was delighted to find its all on youtube. if you're an artist or want to improve your ability to critically think about what you're seeing in media, this is a must-see. link or embedded>

FUCKING GOOD AND CHEAP GREEN TEA price comment won't apply to everyone this site offers great prices for high quality tea direct from the farm. been buying from here for years and its always amazing - i love the houjicha/roast green tea, and if you like green tea but always wish it was stronger without sacrificing taste or becoming bitter, i recommend genmaicha matcha-iri, which uses matcha to intensify the flavour. yum

incense body powder being a perfume nerd who is prone to migraines sucks. if you like spices and good incense - not the $2 kind that you use to hide cigs from your parents but rather the kind that smells like wandering into a forest temple - you'll love incense body powder. it lasts well and i'd most compare it to a softer, more gourmand comme des garçons Incense series 3 kyoto. shoyeido is the easiest to source as far as i can tell, but other brands make it too. USD$11 - cheaper than even cheap perfumes tbh - the bag will last you years. if you try this please tell me i'd love to know what you think!

anyway!! i wanna hear your recs if you have any! can be any type of thing that has recently improved your mood or changed your life or you think someone else might like?

anyone reading can go for it, consider this a carte blanche for recommendations. gonna tag a few people - you don't have to of course thank you love you <;3 @lapinneok @dangerousdan-dan @arosebyothernames @headcrabrave @corvidad @neznoodles @retired-crow @corpseprince @i-really-hate-creating-usernames @geminison @fakeshibe @skemford @loveofdetail + please feel welcome if not tagged! edit OH @nekon-ron i tried to tag your old URL. ha

[krethes]

Oh I am very interested in nr 22, because you very much have your own writing style.

Buckle up, it's a bumpy road, lol!

My writing process is probably going to make some people pull their hair out or scream, but it works!

If I'm not working from a specific prompt for a fest, I almost always start with a line of dialogue. The dialogue usually comes to me like at really inconvenient parts of the day, so I have to write it down in my Jot app and hope I remember the vibe when I start to work with it. I really like starting fics or scenes with dialogue. It grabs me as a reader, and I think it helps set the tone in a piece. A real challenge would be for me to write a fic over 2k without any dialogue and in a "reliable narrator" voice.

So I'll build a bit from the dialogue and decide where I'm going with it. Lines, for instance, I thought about, "We're too old for morning sex," which ofc screamed "Remus" to me, so I knew who was saying it and I knew I wanted Sirius to react because he's Extra and it would be more entertaining. ;)

Unreliable narrators are where I live. I love it. Let me have misunderstandings and stream of consciousnesses and all that good stuff, keep the reader guessing. They don't get to know anything my character doesn't know! :D

Someone asked me if I could share my writing playlist and I was so embarrassed at myself because...I will listen to one song on loop for as long as it takes to write, even if it's not a "song fic". If I listen to different ones, I lose my focus and my ADHD brain loves to hyperfixate on something. 10-hour loops make brain go mmmm.

Here's a hair-pulling part: I don't pick a tense until about 75% of the way in. 😬 I naturally drift to present tense when I start writing, but sometimes I'll shift to past. I always figure it out and fix it before I publish, but it's sort of that chaotic disaster human energy i exist with lol.

Another potential scream: I almost never draft. I just...start writing. I'll have my dialogue, my POV, and an end goal (normally). And I'll just...write. I am fortunate to be a very fast typist and a very quick thinker, so I can keep up with my thoughts while I write. I'll just go and go and go until either a) I need to look up a word, b) I need to research or verify something, or c) I'm done. Sometimes I don't have the time to finish actually writing, and THEN I'll do little action points or more dialogue in chunks like:

//Remus goes to the market and picks up vegetables

//Sirius makes a joke about the vegetables, make it good krethes

//they end up having a food fight even though they're 50, we love to see

(yes, I talk to myself in the blurbs lol)

Once I get the content down, I'll reread. I tweak dialogue constantly to make it punchy and impactful while still sounding natural to the character. Banter is my favorite thing to write, and I want it to FEEL flirty and fun. I fix my tenses, usually have to change "thing" to "thin", "Remorse" to "Remus", and correct my spelling of courtesy because really...it's a stupid fucking word, and give it another read through. I try to read my work at least 3 times with 1 time out loud or mouthing silently to make sure I haven't missed anything.

I...almost never get a beta. 👀 I'm impatient! When my writing's done, I want to post it immediately! I've used a beta on Silver for Monsters mostly for "does this make sense to someone outside the Witcher fandom" and for fests that require one. I find that I frustrate betas who aren't used to my writing style. I abuse the ever loving shit out of a comma and the em dash, and I don't know the meaning of "run-on sentence". I've accepted this about myself, but it drives some betas up the wall. Whoops!

I tried to correct myself and write in shorter, grammatically sound sentences but...it felt stifling. I wasn't able to express the emotions of my character properly and everything felt so abrupt. Someone once called my Explicit fics "poetic smut" and I think it's one of my favorite comments about my writing style as a whole.

I feel like I could continue forever, and I'm happy to, but this is getting long! Feel free to ask me a specific question or six if you have them, I love talking about my writing. ❤️

Thank you!