Through Your Eyes | Part 1 - Hit the Ground Running (Joel x Reader)
A/N: Ahhhh! This is here!!! So. This is just an idea that I had, and I literally texted my friends screaming about it, and it’s been nonstop for the last few days, it just kept developing. It’ll be multi-part, unsure yet how long, it keeps growing. I’ve always loved Jackson Joel, his relationship with Ellie, and I’ve wanted more of their dynamic since day one. So here is a weird hybrid of both the game and show universe, but mostly game. I haven’t decided where exactly this will or will not deviate from canon yet, so bear with me. Here we go!
I do not own The Last of Us or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.
Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, and Joel is a warning in and of himself in this one. Canon typical swearing. No specific age specified for reader, aside from her remembering life before the outbreak, so I leave that up to you. No use of Y/N. Mention of loss. (Spoilers if you haven’t watched the show/played the game.) Ellie is a menace and having a Hard Time™️. Arguing? Banter. Some of Joel’s Texan accent. (You’ve been warned.) I guess kinda sorta spoilers for TLoU 2? Like if you squint? And not really???
Word count: 8,885
Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex and @grippingbeskar for your endless hours helping me over goodness knows how long since I started this, for reading this over for me and letting me know I’m not crazy, and screaming with me about this man that captured our hearts first in the form of pixels.
Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Next
Xxx
The door slamming below made some trinkets on your shelf rattle. That’s the third time today. A soft groan drifted up to you through the floorboards, coated in frustration and anger.
When you’d arrived in Jackson, the only new, private space available had been a spot above somebody else’s house. Technically in somebody else’s house. And technically it wasn’t even a place. When you arrived, you realized someone had literally volunteered their attic, spacious as it was, with several windows and a private doorway leading down through the home.
A mattress had been tossed in the middle of the floor, and it’d been so long since you’d seen a real, honest to goodness mattress, you didn’t care about the rest of the place. It suddenly felt like a castle.
That first night you’d flopped down on the fluffy padding on the floor, smiling as your body bounced a few times from the impact, the springs inside whining in protest, before you promptly fell asleep.
Sunlight streaming in through one of the windows early the next morning woke you up, making you blink bleary eyes open when it danced across your peaceful features.
With a stretch and heavy sigh, you didn’t move a muscle, but simply darted your eyes around your new small space, fully taking in the barren walls and the pile of junk leftover from whoever owned this house before the world went to hell. Curiosity got the better of you, pulling you to the pile like a magnet, on a search for something, you weren’t quite sure what yet.
Several hours later, you were lost deep in thought, the tip of your tongue sticking between your teeth in concentration when someone clearing their throat just off to your side made you jump. “Fuck!” You hissed, tossing the little metal toy you had in one hand in surprise, the screwdriver from your other hand being clutched in your grip like a vice, reared back and ready to be thrown at the intruder.
“Just me,” the man from downstairs mumbled. What was his name again? “Sorry.”
Sighing, you deflated, letting your hands fall to the mattress below you with a thump, your face scrunched in pain. “Shit, I bit my tongue.” Reaching up to rub your jaw, you glared at the man. “Maybe knock next time?”
He stared at you for a long minute, his eyes watching as you cradled your face, mumbling forlornly about your tongue. “I did,” he finally said lowly. “Twice.”
“Oh.” You heaved another sigh, this one heavier than the last, before plopping back on the mattress behind you, wincing and reaching under your back to pull out the plastic action figure that had poked you in the back. Looking at it, you grinned softly. “Was that your gun, or were you just happy to see me?”
Something between a scoff and a snort left the man still standing awkwardly by your door, pulling your attention back to him.
Everything had been so rushed when you’d moved in, something about a patrol spotting clickers nearby and the lack of space giving everyone a headache, you’d barely caught a glimpse of your housemates as someone ushered you past them, up into the attic late last night. You’d also made a point to stare at the floor as you walked past, not wanting to see the ire of the people who’d been woken up to open their home to you.
With no desire to dwell on your time before Jackson, you focused on the man in front of you, taking in his curious eyes and weathered features. The tilt of his brow told you people tended to run from him, his jaw set in a stern angle as his eyes darted around the room.
“Sorry, I know it’s a mess, I’ll clean it up.” Pushing up onto your elbows, you tossed the action figure to the side. “I assumed that pile was from before the outbreak, I hope I didn’t-”
“It was. All that was here b’fore Ellie and I moved in. Seemed a shame to waste it, and didn’t bother me none to sit in a corner, so….” Taking a few steps, he picked up the little metal car you’d been scraping at when he walked in, smiling fondly. “I had one’f these.” His expression darkened. “‘till my brother broke it.” After staring at it a moment, he looked up at you, handing it back to you gently. “What were you doin’ with it?”
“Oh.” Flustering a bit, being caught out for something you usually kept relegated to your home wherever that happened to be, you took a minute to think, staring at the chipped blue paint on the little car. “I…. I like to restore things. Bring little pieces of what we lost back. Especially toys. I remember as a kid…. As a kid the joy of just one new toy was….”
“Nothin’ like it,” he agreed softly.
You nodded, meeting his eyes, the kindness you saw hidden there catching you off guard. You’d expected judgment. In this world nowadays frivolous things weren’t usually accepted so readily.
“That yours?” He pointed to the little fanny pack overflowing with various tools, the contents spilling over the mattress.
Eyes darting over to the bag, you nodded again before looking at him with a soft smile. “Yes it is, kind stranger.”
This time his scoff was decidedly amused, and he rolled his eyes, making you grin.
“Joel.”
“That’s right!” Setting the car down, you got to your feet, dusting the back of your pants off, then your hands, before you extended one for him to shake. “Nice to finally meet you more than a passing face in the ‘welcome to Jackson’ shuffle.” He nodded as he shook your hand, his grip firm and warm. “Thank you. Again. For your attic, I mean.” Dropping his hand after holding it longer than you should have, you turned to look around at the space.
“Tommy said you needed your privacy. Didn’t say why, but I can respect the need.”
You turned back to him, hands on your hips where they had settled as you’d looked around. “That’s not by choice.”
His features darkened. “What’d’ya mean?”
“Oh! Nothing like that.” You waved your hands in front of you. “Nothing weird, I swear!” Chuckling nervously, you shifted your weight to one side. “Because I tinker, I often…. People don’t like the noises…. The smells….”
He just stared at you, silently waiting.
You looked down to your feet. “I’ll just pack up. I’m sorry, I’ll be out of your-”
“No,” he cut you off, reaching for your elbow gently but firmly. “No,” he said again, a bit softer. “Just explain a little less…. Vaguely, please.”
“It’s very hands-on. Lots of tools like hammers and whatnot, sanding…. And then if I can find it, paint thinner for some, or just paint for others…. And it doesn’t always help, despite all the windows being open, but I try to keep the place ventilated…..”
“People complain about a day job?” He sounded upset for you.
“They get upset when I do it when I can’t sleep.”
He hesitated. “How often is that?”
“Whenever the nightmares come.”
Understanding flickered in his eyes. “Well people are stupid.”
You blinked before a laugh burst out of your mouth.
“I used to be a contractor, and I’ve been doing some odds and ends here since moving into town. I don’t mind some smelly noise.” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled at you. “Let’s just try to come up with a schedule of some sort, maybe nothing too loud after nine at night or somethin’. Not for me, I don’t mind, but the neighbors might, and I dunno about Ellie. Girl sleeps like the dead, so probably….”
“Ellie?”
His smile grew brighter. “Come downstairs for breakfast.” He gestured behind him with a tilt of his head toward the stairs, his body beginning that way. “Maybe she’ll say hello between bites.”
Xxx
Walking down the stairs, you looked around in the daylight, trying to discern what was your host’s and what was left behind twenty odd years ago.
Outlines where pictures once sat on the wall, faded by years in the sun now decorated the outdated wallpaper, a layer of dust along a line of decorative trim halfway up. A fancy carpet was tacked to the stairs, worn in the middle most of the way up, zagging to the sides near the top, and you watched as Joel carefully stepped in the threadbare bits without thought, one of the steps squeaking under your weight when you didn’t follow suit.
Noted.
Once you were at the bottom, an open door down the hall showed a small little workshop, tools strewn everywhere. You smiled, glancing up at Joel to see him follow your gaze, realization dawning on him as a hand came up to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment.
“Stay here,” he mumbled softly, holding up one finger before he jogged toward the door, pulling it shut. “Sorry about that. Had a, uh…. Last minute request.”
“My ears are burning. Are you talking about me again?” A young female voice yelled amusedly from around the corner behind you, a girl in her early teens stepping out with a plate full of food in one hand, a fork loaded in the other, and a mouthful as she continued. “Yeah, you were. It’s me. He’s talking about me. I asked him to fix the hole in the ceiling,” she looked at him pointedly, before turning back to you, “like fifty thousand times-”
“Since yesterday,” Joel murmured, making you chuckle.
“It only showed up yesterday,” the girl said unamused.
“I’m just sayin’,” Joel held up his hands in surrender before walking around the girl and into what you assumed was the kitchen. “Point was, I got right on it.”
Rolling her eyes, the girl set her plate down before wiping her hands on the front of her jeans, coming over and introducing herself. “Hi, I’m Ellie,” she spoke pointedly over her shoulder, “since grumpy in there didn’t feel the need to introduce us.”
Some dishes clattered and quiet grumbles were heard as you smiled at the girl, introducing yourself. “If you ever need any help around here, just ask. I’m pretty handy, if I do say so myself.”
“Finally,” Ellie groaned, “Someone besides that lug who can help me out!”
You leaned in closer to her. “Why, you got bodies to hide, or somethin’?”
She leaned in as well. “You have no idea.”
“Time for food!” Joel called loudly, placing a steaming pile of scrambled eggs and bacon on the table. “Ellie made ‘em so I’m not makin’ any promises-”
“Hey!” You smiled at her protest.
“-but it’s nourishment, so…. Good as any.”
“I’ll have you know,” Ellie began, looking down her nose at Joel as you all sat at the table. “Tommy’s been teaching me how to cook.”
“Then we’re all doomed,” Joel deadpanned.
“Tommy, I met him last night. He’s….”
Joel and Ellie spoke at the same time.
“Oh no, what’d he do now?”
“His baby brother.”
Silence hung between you as you looked back and forth between the two of them, Joel’s eyes shut as he let out a sigh.
“He’s my brother,” he amended, adding quietly, “so you can tell me what idiotic thing he’s done now.”
“Joel,” Ellie warned.
“I’ve heard it all, just lay it on me.”
You shook your head. “Nothin’. Was just asking how he knew you two.” You gestured between them with your fork.
Joel tucked into his food after a moment of silence, staring down at his plate.
“I tried to tell you,” Ellie muttered, shaking her head as she cleaned the crumbs off her dish.
“That accent I keep hearing pop through, is that…. Texas?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Joel kept his eyes down, slowing his eating just a bit.
“I thought it sounded like home,” you smiled, the corners of your mouth pulling higher when his head shot up to look at you.
“You’re from….”
You nodded. “Born and raised. Ain’t nothin’ quite like the Lone Star State, is there?”
“No, ma’am,” Joel grinned.
“What do you miss the most?” It was an honest enough question, you expected something like barbecue, late night drives down country roads, or the smell of bluebonnets each Spring….
But the joy on Joel’s face fell ever so slightly, just enough that you could see, the light in his eyes dimming, as his shoulders rounded forward just a bit. He stared at the table top for only a moment, lost in thought. You could have sworn his eyes flitted to the watch on his wrist briefly before he shook his head, lifting it back up, his gaze meeting yours and smiled again, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes this time. “Too many things to mention. What about you?”
Holding his gaze for a moment longer than you should, you smiled softly before turning back to look at your plate. “Gotta say I feel the same.” Stabbing a bite of egg, you brought it to your mouth, chewing thoughtfully as you pondered what had just happened. “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
“Please do,” he said softly.
More silence filled the space, Ellie heaving a sigh after a few minutes. “Well this has been fucking amazing-”
“Ellie,” Joel chastised.
“But I’m gonna go-”
“Sit,” Joel said in the most authoritative voice you’d heard yet. Gesturing with his fork, you caught the smallest smirk crawl up his face when Ellie groaned before plopping back into her chair in a graceless heap.
She stared at him in some sort of bored challenge before grumbling, “What?”
“I need your help before you go and skedaddle-”
“‘Skedaddle’? Is that even a fucking word?”
“Yes,” you answered before biting into a piece of bacon, smiling sweetly at her when her eyes flew up to meet yours.
“Just checking,” she grumbled, slumping further back into her chair as she heaved a world weary sigh.
“As I was sayin’,” Joel pushed back from the table with both hands, leaning back in his chair so that the front legs left the floor slightly, balancing on the back two. “I need your help gettin’ a bed frame upstairs for her, and a few other pieces. Tommy’s droppin’ them by in a few here.” He checked a clock hanging on the wall, making you knit your brows in confusion as you glanced to the watch on his wrist. Closer inspection showed it was shattered with what looked like a bullet hole, making your eyes widen slightly. Suddenly his reservations about missing something in Texas made a bit more sense.
“Joel,” Ellie whined, going practically boneless in her seat, limbs draping behind her like a broken starfish.
“We should be able to handle that without her, don’t you think?” You mused, pushing your empty plate away and settling into your seat with a satisfied sigh, arms crossed over your chest.
“Yes, totally, bye!” Ellie sat up so fast you got whiplash. But she didn’t make it completely out of the seat before Joel was saying her name again, and motioning her back down with just his eyes.
“Sorry. I tried,” you shrugged, giving her a sad smile. “You should just listen to your dad and-”
The two of them interrupted you in tandem.
“I’m not her father.”
“He’s not my dad.”
Joel cleared his throat. “Now, I’ve asked you to stay and help- nicely, I might add- and unlike you, I don’t ask twice, let alone fifty thousand times,” he looked at her pointedly.
“Ugh, fine!” She threw her hands up, letting them slap back down on her thighs before pushing her chair back all the way, the scrape of the feet against the floor making you cringe. She finally got to her feet before she froze, looking at Joel with an exaggerated look you couldn’t quite place.
“What?” He asked after a long silence in a tone that said ‘why did I ask’.
She pointed to the other room. “Can I go this time? I mean….” Joel sighed heavily, rolling his eyes. “Every other time I’ve tried to execute my rights as a human being and leave this fucking dining room, you’ve stopped me. So, before I get too far and have to backtrack again, I wanted to-”
“Just go,” he waved a hand.
“Thank you,” she called, climbing the stairs, expertly missing the squeaks, a door slamming shut a few seconds later.
“But be ready to help in-”
“Yeah, yeah,” her muffled voice came through the door before some 80’s song began playing softly.
You chuckled, Joel picking his head up from where he’d cradled it in his palm to look at you with a raised brow. “I got food and a show.” His head fell back into his hand. “I’m teasing.” He grumbled something unintelligible into his palm. After the chorus of the song played, you stood up, taking the empty dishes over to the sink.
“You don’t have to-” Joel protested from his seat.
“I’ll never get used to hearin’ music again,” you changed the subject as you turned on the water, running it over the plates as you wiped them clean. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I’ve always loved music. It’s just…. After so long in the silence, coming here and having a teenager drown you out with a synthesizer, it’s so….”
“Normal?”
Looking over your shoulder, you smiled at him. “Yeah. And after everything, that’s just….”
“Not normal?”
You snorted. “Exactly.” After you turned the water off, you flung the stray droplets from the tips of your fingers before drying your hands on a dish towel. “I appreciate all the help, I really do. But, you don’t have to go outta your way for me.”
“It’s not outta the way. It’s just upstairs.” He looked proud of himself, the pleased grin pulling higher when you made a face of disbelief at him.
“None of that allowed up there.” You pointed toward the ceiling where the attic extended to. “That is a bad pun free zone.”
Joel shook his head ruefully, leaning his chair back even further on the rear legs, propping his boots up on the corner of the table, one ankle crossed over the other as his hands slowly came behind his head. “Darlin’, this whole house is one giant pun.”
You arched a brow, leaning back against the counter, your hands braced on its top at your sides.
“Ellie tries, she loves her joke books…. But me….”
“Bad dad jokes without being a dad?”
His whole demeanor deflated, just slightly, but enough for you to see. The light behind his eyes dimmed, his smile faded, and his arms dropped almost imperceptibly. “Something like that,” he mumbled, before the smile renewed, just a bit too tightly. After a brief moment, he dropped his feet back to the floor with a clatter, the chair coming back onto all fours with surprising delicacy. “Well, let’s get up there and take some measurements before the furniture gets here.”
Xxx
Joel had followed you up the steps, mumbling a “Lady’s first,” as he stepped out of the way, gesturing forward with one hand.
You arched a brow. “Oh, fancy.” He pulled a face, making you laugh softly. “Nice to know chivalry didn’t also die on outbreak day.” Starting up the stairs, he sighed as he fell in behind you.
“Oh, it did. I’m bringing it back.” Glancing over your shoulder you saw a smug look on his face, making you roll your eyes as you turned back to the task at hand, making sure to avoid the squeaky parts of the steps, sticking to the worn tread of the carpet. An amused hum buzzed out of Joel’s chest when he noticed, making you smirk. “Fast learner.”
Pushing open the door to the attic, it let out a mighty squeak.
You grimaced. “Not quite fast ‘nough, it seems.”
Joel knit his eyebrows at the door as he reached out, swinging it back and forth, the hinges protesting loudly each time. “It just needs to be tightened up.” Stepping closer, he examined the brackets with a more studious eye. “This takes a….” He turned to you, before glancing at your pile of tools still on the bed where you’d left them. “It’s a specialized screw head. Used to use them all the time before the world went to shit. Surprised they already started complainin’. Normally they last twice as long-”
“Everything complains around you, Joel,” Ellie grumbled as she walked past him, going straight for one of the windows, her forehead falling against it with a dramatic thump before she just stared at the city below.
Joel scoffed, staring at the teenager for a moment before rolling his eyes. “I have one down in my shop in the garage. I’ll go grab it.”
“You got a screwdriver that can turn that musty old shop of yours into a kick ass room for me?” Ellie called after him as he took the steps two at a time. As his heavy footfalls disappeared below, she turned back to look out the window.
“What do you mean?” You asked against your better judgment. “Don’t like your room?”
She sighed. “I just want my own space. Why does he need a room for just his tools? They don’t need privacy! They don’t go through at least one crisis a week, or have to deal with him, or have music they want to play super loud. They’re fucking tools.”
“Well, hey, we could trade? I could take your room, share the garage and tools with Joel, and you could be up he-”
“No,” Joel’s tone was final. You hadn’t even heard him come in.
“I think it’s a great idea,” Ellie started. “I mean, she’s offering, and-”
“I said no, Ellie.”
“Joel-”
“No!” His grip on the door handle tightened. “We aren’t having this conversation again. Drop it.”
The two of them stared at each other with loaded looks, an unspoken conversation being exchanged between them.
“We’ll compromise.” Joel’s attention snapped to you, Ellie’s following soon after. “You ever need a place to ‘get away’? You can come up here and keep me company.” Ellie smiled. “That goes for you, too, Joel.”
“Why you gotta be like that?” Ellie mumbled, smiling when you arched a brow at her.
“There’s a catch.”
“Fuck,” the teenager moaned, turning back to look out the window, her head thumping against the frame.
“You have to help me with my projects while you’re up here.” Your eyes flicked between them. “Deal?” When neither of them agreed, but neither of them protested, you moved on. “Good. Now,” stooping down to pick up the various toys and tools that had taken over the floor the night before, you turned to Ellie. “I noticed during breakfast that you like to draw.”
“How-”
“Sketchbook on the counter by the oven. Next time wait until after the bacon is done. You got grease stains all over the pages.”
“I had an idea, I couldn’t wait….”
“How are you with paint?”
She shrugged. “Never…. Never really had the opportunity to use it. I’m sorry. What the fuck is that?” She pointed to the bag around your waist.
Looking down at the fanny pack you’d zipped your tools back into before putting it on, you lifted your gaze back up to her. “My fanny pack?”
“Ellie….” Joel warned, seeing the girl’s face begin to morph in a way he knew all too well.
“It’s called a….” She started snickering before she cleared her throat. “I’ve never seen one before.” Ellie’s eyes shot over to Joel, her features schooled into something almost professional, but it quickly melted into something more sarcastic.
“Very handy,” you said slowly, watching her through narrowed eyes. “Anyway, as I was saying, I’ll get my hands on some paints, and you can help me finish some pieces.” You turned to Joel, brows raised expectantly.
“I’ll ask Tommy when he brings the stuff,” he mumbled, leaning on the door and causing it to squeak again, pulling his attention back to the traitorous hinges.
“For now,” you focused back on the teenager, hands on your hips, “help me clean this place up a little before they get here? Maybe go grab the towel off the kitchen counter to dust off the windowsills?”
Ellie nodded with a small, sweet smile, but you didn’t miss how it twisted into a smirk as she walked past you toward the door. “On it, Miss Fanny.”
You stared after her with wide eyes, noting she had waited until she was a few steps down the stairs before saying it so you were less likely to retaliate. Smart.
Flicking your eyes over to Joel, an amused expression pulled at his features as he pointed toward the bag on your hip with his screwdriver. “It’s because of the….”
“Yeah, I got that,” you snarked. “What I don’t get is why she called you grumpy.”
“It’s kinda obvious,” he drawled, turning the screws on the top hinge.
“You don’t seem grumpy to me.”
“Give it time.”
Xxx
After the door no longer moaned, the hinges good as new, Joel took some measurements around the space while he talked about how he’d been meaning to build some shelves and stuff for storage up here anyway. It’d take a day or two, but he’d have them up and be out of your hair in no time. He also stepped out of one of the windows onto the roof, making you and Ellie exchange a confused glance.
“Joel? Last I checked, the attic was strictly inside the house,” Ellie asked cautiously.
His head appeared around the open window frame, scowling at the both of you. “I’m looking to see if I could put a doorway in here for a private entrance.”
“That’s not-” but he doesn’t let you finish.
Disappearing back around the window frame, his voice drifted back somewhat muffled as he turned away. “It’ll just make things easier. Once you get tired of the two of us, you can come in without having to look at our ugly mugs.” Ellie shot a sideways look at you, making you stifle a small laugh, tucking it into your hand as you looked away. “Could even make a little deck up here at the top of the stairs, good sun, you could plant somethin’ for eatin’. Plus it’s a good spot to,” his feet shuffled on the roof before stopping again. “It’s a good vantage point if things go sideways…. Again.”
Stepping up to the window, you went to poke your head out but had to step back as he hopped back in. “Joel, you don’t have to do all that. It’s-”
“It’s my house, and I want that vantage point,” he huffed, dusting off his hands before turning to close the window.
“The Contractor,” Ellie hissed in an eerie voice with a smirk, drawing out the words in a ridiculous way.
“Knock knock,” a voice said behind you, making you jump slightly, turning to find Tommy. “Sorry,” he said quietly, having the decency to look sheepish. As he pushed the door open a bit wider, it squeaked softly, pulling his focus to the hinges. “You need to fix that, Joel-”
“I-” The older brother looked at the younger, dumbfounded. It quickly melted into annoyce as he whispered an exasperated, “What did you do?” Stepping quickly toward the door.
Tommy stepped back slightly. “Nothin’! I just got here, big brother! So just hold your horses and don’t jump-”
“He just fixed those a few minutes ago,” you offered softly, understanding dawning on Tommy’s face.
His eyes shifted to his brother, wide and somewhat worried. “Now, Joel, I didn’t do nothin’. They’re old, like you, and-” he turned his eyes down to the floor when Joel’s head snapped up to level him with a menacing gaze. “-and,” he repeated pointedly, “before you jump up my ass about somethin’ I didn’t do….” He lifted his head just enough to look at his brother again. “Can we please talk about this like the grown men we sometimes are now?”
Joel simply stared at his brother for a loaded moment before turning back to the door, wiggling it back and forth, making a sour face as it squeaked again softly. “You had to’ve done somethin’….”
“I guess not then,” Tommy sighed, hands that had been held up in surrender falling down to his sides in defeat as he sent an unimpressed glare toward his brother. “You’ve gotten meaner as your hair’s gotten greyer.”
Joel rolled his eyes, turning to inspect the hinges more closely, but reached up a hand to run through his hair after a moment, bringing it down to rub at the back of his neck in what looked like embarrassment as he kept his back to the room.
Ellie strolled over easily toward the two men. “You’re an old man, Joel. That’s how it’s supposed to happen…. I think. I mean, look at Santa Claus….”
Joel slowly looked at her over his shoulder before he let out a strangled grunt of frustration, cleaning his throat to try and cover it up as he shook his head, turning back to his task in an attempt to hide.
Ellie went on as if nothing had happened. “I mean I think that’s how it works.”
Tommy snickered, tucking the lower half of his face into his hand, pointedly ignoring Joel looking at him through the crack of the door by the hinges.
The teen turned to Tommy. “You’re an old man, you tell me. Am I right?”
The hand fell from his face, and Tommy immediately stopped laughing, glowering at Ellie while Joel lost it, a series of growing snickers falling from his mouth as he turned his face into the wall to try and subdue the sound.
You looked on, watching the whole exchange with a smile. Joel may not be her father, but these three were every bit a family unit. They teased and called each other names, but it was all in fun. All from love. You had no doubt that when push came to shove, they’d be there for one another in a heartbeat, and probably be willing to sacrifice close to anything in the name of that bond, that thing they shared but they didn’t dare put that name to. For family.
Joel was still chuckling into the wall, his forehead pressed against it as he rocked it side to side in disbelief. “I swear I didn’t tell her to say that.”
“Fuck you, Joel. I say what I want,” Ellie proclaimed.
“Ellie,” Joel groaned, finally turning to face the room with a sigh, as Tommy snapped a, “Language!”
“Oh, bite me,” she mumbled, turning and meandering slowly to the window to begin dusting again.
“So, Tommy,” you began, clasping your hands in front of yourself. “I hear you have furniture for me?”
His eyes widened in recognition. “Shit! Yeah.”
“Language!” Ellie mocked him from her spot across the room.
“It’s downstairs. Why don’t you come with me, take a look and see what all you wanna bring up while Joel finishes on this door.” He turned to his brother, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Come down when you’re done, we should know by then.”
He nodded, fiddling with the screwdriver in his hand. “Give me five minutes.”
“I used to work with you, Joel,” Tommy called, starting down the stairs. “We both know it’ll take you ten.”
Joel laughed humorously. “Fuck you, Tommy!”
“Language!” Ellie yelled again.
Following the younger Miller, you smiled. He stepped on every squeak in the steps, almost like it was on purpose.
Once the two of you were downstairs, Tommy stepped out onto the front porch, showing you a small array of furniture leaning up against the outside of the house.
You were about to start pointing to some of the pieces when he began talking to you about something else altogether.
“So how’s it been today? They been treating you okay?”
Crossing your arms over your chest, you tilted your head back to look up at him, holding his serious gaze. His eyes were kind, and you realized he was asking just as much from a place of worry for them as for you.
“Yeah. It’s been great so far.” He looked relieved. “Ellie cooked eggs and bacon for breakfast.”
He smiled proudly. “You have me to thank for that.”
You couldn’t help the grimace tugging on your features. “So I hear.”
Tommy scoffed, hands going to his hips, making you chuckle.
“Ellie called him grumpy earlier, but I haven’t seen any particular reason why.” His eyebrows shot up near his hairline. “I asked him about it and he said to ‘give it time’.”
He rolled his eyes with a muttered, “Sounds like him.”
You lowered your voice, taking a step closer. “Am I missing something? If he’s not always sunshine and rainbows, that’s fine, I get it. This world we live in now ain’t always deserving of it. But still, I’d like to know what I’m getting into.”
Tommy took a deep breath, but before he could speak, Joel stepped out the front door.
“What should I take up first?”
Turning and pointing at the bed frame you knew for sure needed to go up, you smiled. “Definitely that, please.”
Joel nodded, grabbing the headboard and footboard. “Tommy, will you grab the rest of the frame? The girls can be putting it together while we take up the rest.”
The man beside you nodded, staying silent until his brother disappeared back in the house.
“Joel’s not always the easiest to get to know.” You scoffed. “It’s true. I’ve known him my whole life, and I still have days where I wonder why he’s so prickly. He has his reasons,” Tommy looked up toward the attic windows before looking back down at you. “And I’m sure he’ll tell you them eventually, I can already tell he trusts you more than most others here in Jackson.”
With a shake of your head, you chuckled. “You’re crazy. He just met me. I’m sure he-”
“You saw a side of Joel right out the gate some wait a lifetime to miss.”
Staring up into his eyes, your own wide, you saw nothing but sincerity.
“Tommy! Come on, man!” Shaking his head, Joel picked up the rest of the pieces of the bed. “And you say I’m slow.”
The younger Miller held your gaze as he spoke. “That’s because you are slow, big brother.” Lifting his eyes to follow the older man, they narrowed playfully. “Come on, come on, lift those feet!”
“I’m gonna hit you,” Joel grumbled as he passed back over the threshold of the house, Tommy hot on his heels. As Joel continued to complain, Tommy stopped, looking back at you pointedly before turning and heading inside, shouting something you couldn’t make out up at his brother.
Xxx
Once a few of the pieces were set up around the attic, you dug some things out of your backpack to put out, get settled in. Pulling a chair up to the small dining table, you got your screwdriver out of the pack on your hip and began scraping at the paint on the blue metal car from that morning.
“What’cha doin’?” Tommy asked, pulling another chair up and swinging his leg over it, sitting on it backwards. He rested his chin on his wrists on the back of the chair as he stared at the toy in your hands.
Not stopping, you answered him. “I restore things, especially toys.”
Your eyes flicked up to find his face twisted in confusion before darting back to what you were doing.
After a moment he asked in a quieter voice, “Why?”
You shrugged. “Why not?” Pausing in your efforts, you looked up at him. “It makes me happy, and it makes others happy. And if there’s something people need more of these days, I’d say that’s it.” You turned back to your project.
“Toys?”
You froze, your hands flopping onto the table as you lifted your gaze to look at him flatly.
“Happiness, dumbass,” Joel grumbled lowly from across the room, tightening the screws on one of the window sills.
“How would you know?” Tommy sat up straight in the chair, glaring over at his brother. “You wouldn’t know happiness if it bit you on the ass.”
“Oh, I think I’d be plenty happy if someone bit me on the ass-”
“That’s not-” Joel’s chuckle cut his brother off. “I like how Ellie said it earlier. Bite me.”
“Okay. But not on the ass.”
“You know what….” Tommy pushed away from the table, turning toward his brother.
“Even if I don't, I know you never do.” Joel turned to face his brother, screwdriver once again in his hand. “You’re not the brightest-”
“Boys!” They both turned to look at you, startled, Ellie jerking awake from her spot on your bed where she’d been napping for the last hour. “Enough!”
“Yeah, shut up,” Ellie grumbled, rubbing her eye with the palm of her hand. “I don’t even know what you were arguing about, but I know it was stupid.”
“How would you know?” Joel turned his head slowly to look at his brother, his eyebrows knit in disbelief that he was arguing with a teenager.
She stilled, her hand falling to her lap with a plop. “Because I know you.” She turned to you, speaking over a yawn. “What were they arguing about?”
“That toys and happiness aren’t necessarily important nowadays, and that devolved into name calling.”
Ellie nodded. “Sounds right.” She looked at the two men. “Grow up.” She arched a brow right back at them when they lifted theirs at her. “I babysit for the kids across the street, and if it’s one thing they are severely lacking, it’s toys. We watch the movies down at the town center or a video Joel brings back from a run, and they won’t shut up about all the toys and stuff. They don’t care about the animals or the songs, I mean they do, to an annoying degree, please, somebody, explain how giving children that age singalongs was a good idea, but I digress-” she took a big breath, the corner of her mouth twitching up when you failed to suppress a snort of laughter. “Anyway. Some toys around here wouldn’t be a bad thing.”
“I’d be more than happy to restore toys for the kids here in Jackson. But up here there isn’t really enough space for that type of output, plus the noise and smell would eventually bother you, despite what you say, Joel.”
Tommy looked at his brother who shrugged. “We talked about this earlier. Briefly.”
“I see,” Tommy mused quietly, turning back to you with a smirk.
“Would you mind sharin’ your garage?”
Joel grimaced.
“Come on, Joel,” Tommy teased. “Be a big boy, and-”
Joel rounded on his brother, getting close to his face. “You don’t stop talkin’, I’m going to-”
“Okay, so that’s a no,” you chuckled.
“The old book store,” Joel’s voice had calmed, and he turned to look at you. “It’s empty, is filled with shelves to display stuff, and has a wide showroom in the middle you could convert into a workshop.”
“Are you sayin’ she opens a toy shop?” Tommy asked, his voice tight with disbelief.
“Why not?” Joel looked at his brother before turning to Ellie for her input. “Like she said, it’s a need in the town, would boost morale-”
“How?” Tommy scoffed.
“Happy kids, happy parents.”
Joel made a gesture after Ellie spoke, like a ‘there you go’ as he turned his attention back on his brother, smiling as understanding softened the other man’s features.
“A need, morale,” Joel turned to look at you, a playful curl of his upper lip as he went on, “and I get to keep my garage.” The mock disdain melted into a smile and a wink before he turned back to his brother.
“For now,” Ellie muttered under her breath, her face instantly schooling into something sweet and innocent when Joel whipped his head her way.
Xxx
With a sigh, you set one of the things on your shelf back upright, looking at the blue metal car that sat beside it, fully painted and restored. It was one you weren’t willing to get rid of, and it held pride of placement on one of the shelves Joel had built not long after that conversation about the shop.
You’d opted to stay out of these arguments, letting them sort their differences out on their own, but something felt different this time. The weight of Joel’s sigh hurt just a little bit more, felt a little bit heavier, and at breakfast this morning, his eyes seemed…. Sad.
Walking to the door that led downstairs through the house, you opened it, smiling when it swung without a sound. Making sure to step on the proper parts of the steps to stay silent, you walked almost all the way up to Joel before you finally cleared your throat to get his attention.
He’d been cradling his head in his hand, but he snapped up to look at you.
“Sorry,” you mumbled.
He stared at you for a long moment before shaking his head, looking at the floor. “No, no, don’t worry. Am I in your way? I’ll move, just let me-”
“Joel.”
At the sound of his name, he relaxed, slumping back against the wall with a sigh, scrubbing his hand down his face as he looked up at the ceiling. “I know.” He shrugged slightly, tilting his head back into the wall with a soft thump, rocking it back and forth. “I don’t know what it is. I can’t….” He looked back down at the floor for a second before his face screwed up. “Goddamnit!” His hand moved up to thread through his hair, tugging at the ends in frustration. “I don’t know what I’m doing. It was so much easier with-” Joel stopped with a shuddering breath, his eyes wide and frantic as they flew to you.
He’d done this a few times, started down a train of thought about someone or something in his past, but always stopped just before actually naming them. You couldn’t tell if it was a decision made out of pain or a desire to maintain privacy. Either way, you didn’t push it.
“She’s just being a teenager, Joel. That’s what they do. They drive you crazy, it’s kind of their job.” The corner of his mouth twitched up just slightly, but just as quickly fell back into the frown that twisted his face so painfully. “Didn’t you have teenaged girls in your family? Nieces? Distant cousins?”
He let out a wet laugh, swallowing roughly before he answered in a raspy voice, “Somethin’ like that.”
You leaned on the wall across from him, sliding down to sit on the floor, knees pulled tightly to your chest.
“Did you need something?”
His question pulled your focus back up to his face from the pattern of the weave of your jeans you’d been staring at.
“Yeah. I mean no.” He tilted his head in question. “I needed to come down and check on you two.”
He swallowed again, nodding. “Thanks.”
“Want me to go after her? We’re still learning each other, but we get along well enough. She’d probably listen to me. Maybe.” You grimaced. “I mean I hope so.”
Joel laughed softly. “Don’t do it on my behalf, you don’t need to villainize yourself, too. She needs to trust ‘least one of us.”
“She doesn’t think you’re a villain, Joel,” you groaned, getting back to your feet, taking his outstretched hand he offered in help.
“She sure don’t think I’m a hero,” he said lowly, his hand holding yours longer than it should, his thumb tracing your knuckles as he held your gaze.
As you studied his face, eyes tracing the laugh lines by his eyes, the scars here and there, the strong angle of his jaw and light smattering of facial hair, you found yourself wishing he never actually had to let go. “I think you’d be surprised what people see when they look at you, Joel.”
He let go of your hand, taking a step back. Somehow you’d both gotten nearly toe to toe as you talked.
“I just need to get my jacket from upstairs then I’ll go look for her.”
He nodded, leaning back against the wall as you went back up to the attic.
Once you were back inside, you spotted Ellie at your desk, painting a little model plane you’d been working on. Looking over at the private entrance Joel had installed, you saw the door was not quite shut all the way. Smiling softly, you set your jacket you’d taken off the hook on the back of a nearby chair, then you walked over, shutting the door softly, clicking the lock into place. Closing the last few feet left between you, you leaned your hip against the edge of the desk as you watched her detail the left wing.
It was weird to see her so subdued. Normally she was such a spitfire, something sarcastic or sassy coming out of her mouth at all times. You laughed every time she opened her mouth.
Keeping your voice quiet, you finally asked, “Wanna talk about it?”
She didn’t answer at first, but when she did it was as quiet as you had been. “Not really.”
You studied the way she painted the lines meticulously. “That’s fine.”
Pulling up a chair, you sat beside her, arm braced on the desk, head cradled in your palm as you continued to watch her in silence.
The sounds of the town below you slowly drifted up through the open window. A songbird flitted by. Crickets began to chirp as the sun went down, and a lone owl hooted across the valley as the stars began to shine. One by one they started their march across the sky, twinkling in their dance with the moon, a slow procession of light for those of you left down below.
After a few minutes, you handed her the cup of water to rinse the brush. “He’s trying, you know.”
She rinsed and dried the brush, switching to the next color. A few more minutes passed before she answered. “I know.”
After the wing was done, she rinsed the brush again and spoke while she dried it on the towel. “We need more paint. We’re running low on these basic colors. I could mix some of the others to make more, but they wouldn’t be quite right.”
“Okay,” you agreed softly. “I’ll see what I can do. There’s not much here in town, but I know there’s a lot out there left over from before.”
She whipped her head toward you, eyes wide in excitement. “Maybe you and I could go together to find some?!”
“No, no,” you didn’t even let her finish before you began objecting. “It’s not safe out there for you. You’re too young.”
She looked back down at the plane, her features immediately turning sour. “You sound like Joel.”
“Well, he and I agree on this.” Picking up the paintbrushes and moving them to the side, you leaned forward on both forearms, trying to catch her eye. “Do you trust me?”
“Do I have a choice?”
Leaning back a little bit, you sighed. “You always have a choice, Ellie. You know that.”
“I know,” she grumbled. “I just…. Yes, okay? Yes, I trust you. Why?”
Pushing the chair back, you got to your feet, going to the door back downstairs. “Because I have a plan.”
“What is-”
Turning back to her, you raised one finger and wagged it at her. “Ah ah ah! You said you trusted me. Now do it.”
Opening the door, you stepped through, laughing when you heard Ellie’s muffled voice call through as you shut it, “This sucks!”
Making your way back downstairs, you found Joel at the dining room table, nursing a whiskey.
“Do you trust me?”
“You know I do, why?”
Smiling, you sat in the chair beside him. “Ellie’s doing really well with her painting, isn’t she?”
His brows narrowed in question, but he answered. “Yeah….”
“Problem is, there isn’t a lot of paint here in Jackson, and she’s already running low on some of the basic colors.”
“I noticed. She was complainin’ about it last week. I was gonna look for some on my next run for her.”
Sitting forward in your chair like you had at the desk with Ellie, you leaned on your forearms as you started in on your idea. “Well, where I stayed before coming here is about a week out. I had a stockpile. All different colors, types, whatever she could want for a long, long time, it’s all there.” Joel’s eyes were wide, you could see his wheels turning. “If we could each take a horse, maybe even a small cart or something, we’d cut that time in half, be there in a few days, and we could go raid my old supply. I had some real specialty stuff, stuff she’d love. Craft brushes…. I just need someone to come with me to keep me safe. I know what I’m doing, but once everything is loaded, the horses will be slower and I need someone to watch my back. Whaddya say?”
He started to smile. “You had me at ‘stuff she’d love’.”
Xxx
The day to leave had come. You’d be leaving tomorrow to get your old stash while Joel watched your back.
You were about to close up the shop for the night when someone came in.
Smiling up at the woman, your features softened when you saw the tired expression on her face. “Can I help you?”
The woman sighed, the most exhausted sound you’d heard in a while. “Yes! My daughter is sick, and I want to give her something to cheer her up. I can trade you some bread for it. Fresh made this morning.” Flipping a towel back on the small bundle in her left hand, a golden loaf of bread came into view, making your mouth water, the shop filling with the yeasty aroma and making your stomach growl softly.
You would have done it for free, given the circumstances, but since you were leaving the next day, the bread would be handy. And damn did it smell good. “Sure! How about something soft for her to hold while she’s laid up in bed?”
She smiled gratefully. “Sounds perfect.”
Pulling a basket down from a shelf that was filled with a few teddy bears Tommy and Joel had found on supply runs and you’d cleaned up, you set it on a table in front of the woman.
“Beautiful day today,” you said offhandedly, looking out the front window and smiling, your grin growing when you saw Joel appear across the street and wave at you through the window. You waved back, making the woman in front of you look over her shoulder to see what was going on.
She heaved another sigh, rolling her eyes before turning back to the basket. “Don’t bother. That one’s never gonna crack.”
Your smile faltered, hand falling down to rest beside the basket as you looked at the woman in confusion. “What do you mean?”
She scoffed. “He’s a tough ass. I don’t think he’s ever smiled in his life. Probably made his mom cry when he was born. Something is just off about him.”
Snorting a laugh, you shook your head. “That’s crazy. I live with him.” You paused, ignoring her raised brows as she looked at you through her lashes. “Well, above him. In his attic.” Turning your head just slightly, your face twisted at the way that sounded, too. “But not, like, in a creepy way. His brother set it up.” You tilted your head to the side, staring out the front window, before turning to look at the woman point blank. “I’m renting a room from him.”
The woman looked up at you in pity. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not so bad.” You shrugged, reaching out to straighten the ear of one of the bears.
Resting her hand on your forearm, she gave it a gentle pat. “That’s the right attitude.”
After she picked her bear and you had the bread, you locked up and walked across the street to meet Joel. “Got some extra food for the trip.” You held up the loaf with a grin.
“Good. We’re gonna need it,” he grumbled, his face a sour expression, hands in his pockets as you both turned toward the house.
“What bit your ass?”
“Tommy mentioned to Maria about our little trip. The council didn’t want to lend us the horses for ‘just paint’.”
“Okay. So now what? We walk?”
“No,” he ground out. Turning the corner by the stables, you found a group of people buzzing around, preparing bags and supplies for them and their horses. When you looked back up at Joel, he sighed, speaking lowly. “We have company.”
Xxx
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