#hws bulgar

[roran01]

Drawing ancients again. Btw how well am I drawing older men out of 10?

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

3rd of march. bulgaria is going to party with his friends. meanwhile, in the afterlife, bulgar and onoghur are talking.

bulgar: our son has his national holiday today, what are we going to get him?

onoghur: wait which one?

bulgar: omg how could u not know, it's about time for u to become more involved with their lives!

onoghur: yeah as if ur very engaged with their lives, ur starting to wonder what kind of gift to get him on the day of celebration instead of deciding, u know, days or weeks before!

bulgar: well at least I know when our son has his national holiday!

onoghur: yeah ok ur right u win this time. but still, u didn't tell me which son of ours celebrates on march the 3rd?

bulgar: the one on danube. it's his liberation day from ottoman oppression. what are we going to get him? got any ideas?

onoghur: well we can't get him anything from the afterlife cuz it'd just phase through him.

bulgar: yeah we'll go into the world of living, do u have any idea what we'll get him?

onoghur: why are u asking me, weren't u berating me for not being involved with him enough a moment ago? how could I know what to get him?

bulgar: oh right ur right. I can't think of anything right now so let's go into the world of living.

*they pass through something like a portal*

they arrive in some sort of a shopping center and attract people's attention with their arrival, medieval clothing and the fact that they're semi-transparent and glowing. most people think this is some sort of hologram/art installation initially so they whip out their phones and start recording, but then they realize something else is going on when onoghur and bulgar start walking around.

onoghur: damn bulgar look people are giving us weird looks :D u know what this means?

bulgar: we can scare them into giving us whatever we want for free! :D

onoghur: yes :D btw look at this embroidered shirt, maybe we could get him this

bulgar: nahh he already has like a shitton of embroidered shirts that he's embroidered himself. besides, let's get him something bigger! something that makes people respect and fear him!

onoghur: like a warhorse or a sword or a bow?

bulgar: nobody uses these things today. I'm thinking, let's get him an AR, or a tank :D with our ghost powers, we can do anything!

'or a new bugatti'

onoghur and bulgar turn around and see avar.

onoghur: avar wtf what are u doing here?

avar: well after my state crumbled and was taken over by ur son, I lived my final years in pliska and I was something like a father figure to him. I overheard u talking but before I could come and tell u anything, I saw u hop into that portal and I decided to follow u. I wanna get him a gift too :D

bulgar: well who cares about a bugatti! let's get him a tank, or a helicopter!

avar: if we steal one of these things, the army will be on our asses. they will find bulgaria, cause him problems and get the tank or the helicopter back. besides, if his bosses wanted him to have one of these things, they would give him one. also, he has access to all the tanks and shit in the bulgarian army, he's bulgaria after all! but the bugatti, that's something else. having such an expensive car says 'look at me, I have power, I can buy u and sell u, I can help u or destroy u, u'd better be on my good side, I can do stuff u can only dream about, I'm on a whole another level'. why do u think gold and silver and silk and all the other luxurious stuff was so important to me when I was alive?

onoghur: but wouldn't police get on our asses if we steal the bugatti?

avar: well... we'll intimidate people with our ghost powers so they don't call the police :D

*they steal a bugatti and intimidate the owner into not calling the police*

bulgar: ok so I have the most experience with the modern human world out of us three, I know how to drive a car. I'll be the driver.

avar: there are only two seats in the car and there's three of us.

onoghur: well avar I guess ur gonna have to go home or sit in my lap

avar: wait why?

onoghur: how else are we supposed to fit in that car? now if it was bulgar, there'd be no problem but I'm not sitting in some other dude's lap dammit

bulgar: bruhhh there's enough space one of u could fit in the middle, between the two seats

*they manage to somehow fit in the car*

*bulgar drives it to his son's place. there are several collisions, but it's ok, he's using his ghost powers so his car doesn't get damaged*

*they arrive in the evening, during the party. onoghur and avar leave while bulgar starts honking so his son hears the sound and comes out of the house*

bulgaria opens the front door and his jaw drops. romania, greece, serbia and turkey peek through the door and their mouths are open agape.

onoghur and avar: HAPPY LIBERATION DAY, BULGARIA!!! :DDDD

bulgar: *gets out of the car* son we got u the best car cuz u deserve it :D

meanwhile, the tv in bul's living room *loud as fuck* : GHOSTS STOLE A SPORTS CAR AND DROVE IT ALL THE WAY TO BOYANA RESIDENCE, CAUSING SEVERAL TRAFFIC INCIDENTS IN THE PROCESS. THEY WERE FILMED DISCUSSING THE ROBBERY THEY WERE ABOUT TO COMMIT IN PARADISE MALL EARLIER.

*police sirens are heard, they intensify, cops and teams of ghostbusters arrive*

america is one of the ghostbusters

america: I AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOST

what happened later is hard to describe with words. perhaps AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAILHJKFKLGUKGHLKJKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUJJJJJJJJJKKKKKKKKKJHBVVVVVVVVVVVVVDDDDDDDDDDDHHSSPSOHSPSSJHHSHHHKRRFFFF is sufficient. but that's a story for another time. let's say that bul had to stay at someone else's place for a while and he didn't want to see his parents for even a longer time.

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

little bulgaria: *drops a pot of yogurt* FUCK

onoghur, who overhears him: *turns to bulgar* where could he have learned that?

bulgar: no fucking idea

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

world academy w headmaster: sir I've called u over to discuss ur son's issues. he's extremely distractible, he's never listening to the lessons, he's always somewhere else mentally, his grades are flunking

old great bulgaria *isn't even listening to him, he's staring into nothingness, probably thinking about yogurt*

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

Bulgar WIPs

the og yogurt lover, the man himself... BULGAR! also known as OLD GREAT BULGARIA.

his head is almost completely shaven but he has a braid that starts from the top of his head and reaches his shoulders, it can't be seen here because it's behind his neck

also, he has artificial cranial deformation, that's why his head looks like that, bulgars practiced artificial cranial deformation

he was a nomad, a horse rider and an archer, he lived in the pontic steppe, avar was his sworn bro but they fought over power, onoghur is his wife, volga bulgaria & danube bulgaria are their kids

I'll write down his bio when I finish the drawing

this is inspired by the alternative cover of eminem's album 'music to be murdered by', I replaced the gun with a dagger

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

little bulgaria: dad pls tell me that scary story again :D

bulgar *proceeds to start telling the scary story*

little bulgaria *gets scared, trembling, pale, sniffling*

bulgar: do u want me to stop telling the story

little bulgaria: noooo continue

bulgar *continues, finishes the story*

little bulgaria: tell it again pls :D

bulgar *starts telling the story again*

little bulgaria *gets scared again*

bulgar: do u want me to stop telling the story

little bulgaria: noooo continue

later, bulgar and onoghur are talking

bulgar: I'm telling u, that kid is stupid

onoghur: no he's not he just likes being thrilled

many years later, onoghur and bulgar are dead, bulgaria is a teen now, they're watching him from the heavens or something

byzantine and bulgaria are on a ship.

byzantine: bulgaria put the book down you'll get sick

bulgaria: no I won't stfu I just got to an interesting part don't distract me

10 minutes later

bulgaria: ugh I feel sick

bulgar, to onoghur: do u believe me now

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

u'know how bulgaria is the poorest of the eu, the most corrupt of the eu, the fastest shrinking country in the world, how tens of thousands of people leave it per year and such stuff

bulgaria: ok thats it this place sucks I'm going to live at germany's place!

old great bulgaria, from the heavens: YESSS LEAVING THE PLACE U LIVE IN WHEN IT STARTS TO SUCK AND MOVING TO ANOTHER PLACE THATS THE NOMAD SPIRIT THATS MY BOIIII

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

world academy w headmaster: sir I've called u over to discuss ur son's misbehavior, he's been ruining the teaching process, picking fights with his classmates, damaging school property and pulling off yogurt pranks like putting yogurt on top of doors so it falls on top of ppl when they pass through the door!

old great bulgaria: TOO BAD SUCKER BEING A TROUBLEMAKER IS MY AND MY SON'S NAME *throws yogurt at headmaster*

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

a normal day in the bulgar family

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

hun empire: cmon go play with the other kids

little bulgar: ok but idk how to befriend them and start playing with them, idk what to say : (

hun empire: well u could always talk to them about something that makes u happy, maybe they like it too *hun is thinking about children's games while saying this*

little bulgar: oh ok

later

little bulgar comes across little lombard

little bulgar: *stares*

little lombard:

little bulgar: *keeps on staring*

little lombard: *gets uncomfortable*

little bulgar: *keeps on staring*

little lombard: um-

little bulgar: I like yogurt! (⊙⁠‿⊙)

little lombard: *confused* and I -uh- I like lamb *smiles uncomfortably*

little bulgar: I like yogurt! :D

little lombard: yeah, and I like lamb 😅

little bulgar: I LIKE YOGURT! >:D

little lombard: *gets a bit startled* yeah, and I like lamb ó‿ò

little bulgar: *shouts in his face with a maniac grin* I LIKE YOGURT! Ò⁠‿Ó⁠

little lombard: *cowers* and I like-

little bulgar: *keeps on shouting in his face after noticing he's afraid* I LIKE YOGURT! Ò⁠ヮÓ⁠

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

bulgar, introducing himself: I'm bulgar, my name means mixed

kutrigur, his older brother, interrupting him: we all are mixed u dumbass we have the same parents ur name means troublemaker or rebel

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

you know how in hetalia, bul is said to be lazy, in one comic strip, he was playing a videogame instead of working, everyone’s saying he’s lazy and needs to work harder but he says that if he could, he would

what if he has ADHD? he also has a drinking problem and substance use disorders are more common in people with ADHD than in people without it

and also, what if he inherited it from his dad, old great bulgaria/bulgar?

so I was reading an article that said that in nomadic societies where people had to hunt etc nomads with ADHD were at an advantage & were more nourished, compared to those without ADHD

well, the bulgars were nomads who hunted, herded animals and went to war, this is how they gained their living according to a 6th century chronicle

I imagine that back then, nobody considered bulgar to be disordered, people and other nations probably even admired him, maybe some were like “yeah the dude’s distractible & forgetful, but that’s how he is“ and treated him just like how they’d treat anyone else

what if the same thing that made the father, bulgar, famous, admirable and stronger than others, the same thing that gave him advantage over others and made them look up to him caused the son, bulgaria, to perform worse than others, to be disliked and looked down upon in modern day’s sedentary society?

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

kutrigur (bulgar's older brother) and young bulgar are arguing.

kutrigur: if u don't stop talking about yogurt to people, u'll never have friends!

bulgar: well so be it then! I don't need friends if I gotta pretend to be someone I'm not for them to be my friends! I'm gonna have real friends who accept me for who I am!

kutrigur: dont u get it! we're supposed to have friends! friends are useful! they're our allies! u can't always beat everyone up! one day, there will be someone stronger than u and u won't have anyone to support you in fighting them! but u've never thought about this! ur just a spoiled kid, u were dad's favourite kid and now it shows!

bulgar: SHUT THE FK UP KUTRIGUR *punches kutrigur in the solar plexus and flees before kutrigur, now stumbling and gasping for air, can retaliate*

later

young bulgar meets young avar for the 1st time ever and they start talking

bulgar: I like yogurt : ) IT'S THE BEST

avar: YOGURT IS THE GREATEST THING EVER YOGURT IS THE SUPREME FOOD THE KHAGAN OF FOOD THE DIVINE GIFT OF TENGRI WHEN I EAT YOGURT I MAKE SURE TO EAT IT ALL AND NOT LEAVE ANY OR NOT LET ANY DROP

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

world academy w headmaster: sir I've called u over to discuss ur son's misbehavior, he's been ruining the teaching process, picking fights with his classmates, damaging school property and pulling off yogurt pranks like putting yogurt on top of doors so it falls on top of ppl when they pass through the door!

old great bulgaria: HE'S THE SAME PIECE OF SHIT AT HOME BUT DO I CALL U OVER? NOOO!

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

u’know how bulgaria sucks at comforting people (romania) even when he tries to? what if his dad was the same?

in 584, the avars took over anchialus and bathed in the baths there. the khagan, bayan, found the expensive robe of the byzantine empress and put it on, probably not knowing that it was female clothing, and then declared himself the new ruler of everything and stuff, like basileus who, I’m the boss here now >:D (yeah it must’ve been fun hanging with these guys BUT IF U DARE TO LAUGH AT THE KHAGAN WHO ACCIDENTALLY CROSS-DRESSED, U’LL PROBABLY BE DEAD)

anyways shortly after that they got news that they were pursued by the gokturks, their no.1 enemy, the ones who destroyed the rouran khaganate (their ancestor state) and who were trying to subjugate them ever since then. everyone panicked and retreated

so I imagine:

avar khaganate: *is terrified, shaking and about to cry, after all, gokturk is the guy who killed his dad and who wants to enslave him*

bulgar: don’t worry :D I’m not gonna let him get near u, we’ll fight him, if we win, we win, if we lose, we die on the battlefield freely and heroically, with dignity!

avar khaganate: *sarcastically* YEAH THANKS BULGAR THIS IS VERY COMFORTING!

bulgar: well if u don’t like the idea, we can run away :D

avar khaganate: run where? I’ve been running my whole life, I crossed the whole steppe, now the steppe ends here, we can’t run anymore! there’s nowhere for us to go!

bulgar: well... he’s gonna get tired before he comes here and reaches us. he’s chased u for so long through so much distance... he’s gotta take a break. or stop. if it was me, I’d stop. it’s not worth it.

avar khaganate: *big ego gets hurt* u think I’m not worth it?

bulgar: don’t take it personally. nobody’s worth being chased across the entire steppe. it’s too much effort.

avar khaganate: YEAH BUT I’M NOT SOME NOBODY I’M THE SON OF THE GREAT ROURAN KHAGANATE BESIDES GOKTURK HATES MY GUTS HE’S COMING FOR ME HE DOESN’T CARE IF IT’S TOO MUCH EFFORT WHEN UR FILLED WITH HATE NOTHING IS LIKE TOO MUCH EFFORT

bulgar: yeah but by the time he’s reached us, he’ll fall apart and die due to inner strife. he’s taken over so many tribes, they‘ll try to get out some day, tearing him apart. all khaganates have their limited time, their fate is the same.

avar KHAGANATE: *sarcastically* WELL THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICE TO HEAR!

(they can go for hours with the avar khaganate becoming more and more upset after every one of bulgar’s dumb replies)

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

avar khaganate: those romeioi have rlly lame hairstyles

onoghur: whatever, pigtails

bulgar: :D ?? onoghur

bulgar: u too have pigtails :D