#human world really got her coming back with a bunch of red 40

[redbuua]

gai 💉🏥 the demon nurse

[sophiamcdougall]

EXPLAINING SANREMO

(PART 1) Last week I was swept away, helpless, by the avalanche that is the Sanremo Song Festival and I am still recovering. For your safety, I’ve tried to keep the insanity contained on my Italian side blog. But I want to try to offer you a rough summary of what I’ve learned. Sanremo inspired the Eurovision Song Contest. Over five nights, 24 acts, each with a brand new song, compete at the Ariston theatre in Sanremo for a tacky little golden lion, and the glory of being the year’s Song for Italy. 2020 marked the 70th Sanremo, so depending on who you ask, it’s a venerable national treasure or it’s stale and embarrassing (Many Italians are sick of it. Or say they are, but see below.) It is also an EPIC STRUGGLE between THE FORCES OF GOOD AND EVIL FOR THE SOUL OF HUMANITY Let’s meet some of the protagonists: 

AKA: host Amadeus, entertainer and comedian Rosario Fiorello, il Bel Paese, and competitor Achille Lauro.

Amadeus got things off to a bad start before the show even began by praising his various female co-hosts - all seasoned TV professionals - for their beauty and their ability to stay “a step behind a man.” Outrage ensues, Amadeus claims he did not mean it like that, but keep this in mind for later. Also competing are Morgan (below, left) and Bugo (below, right.), who are performing a duet.

Going in, the one thing I know about Morgan is that on more than one occasion, he trashtalked my beloved and blameless Fabrizio Moro. So I hate him and want him to suffer. And apparently he has quite the reputation for throwing tantrums, picking on fellow-artists and sabotaging events he’s part of. But hey. He’s supposedly talented and Bugo clearly thinks he deserves another chance.  And we’re off!

Irene Grandi kicks things off with  “Finalmente Io” (“Finally Me”). But I’m starting with her not so much because she’s the first to sing as because I don’t think the song’s  got enough attention -- either for the fact that it bangs or for what it represents in the drama that’s about to unfold.

Finalmente Io is what, in the business, we call foreshadowing.

There’s a magical thing that happens to women with when they turn 40. The  develop Not-Giving-A-Fuck superpowers. The song is basically about that. It’s about freedom, and self-acceptance, and being 100% done with male bullshit. (It's also a bit of an ADHD anthem but let’s leave that aside for now.)  “I’ve lost all my patience, and all my fragility,” she sings. 

And, “If you want sex, let’s do it now. Heeeeeeere.”

Irene is the portent everyone misses, a harbinger of what is to come. 

Think of her as John the Baptist.  Onwards. So the first thing one discovers about the Sanremo Festival is that just because we have to get through 24 “big” acts AND 6 (?) new/junior artists, and they all have to perform multiple times, that doesn’t mean there’s any RUSH. Guest singers wander on and perform a song or ten. There’s comedy. We can stop everything to talk about football.  A lady comes on and talks for a million years about how her granny taught her that True Beauty is Found Within. There are also speeches about important subjects like violence against women. In fact, we are going to talk about that a lot, but also a bunch of competent and experienced female TV personalities are stuck taking turns at playing Amadeus’s Glamorous Assistant of the evening and he can’t shut up about how beautiful they all are while they cringe and lean subtly away from him. So it’s ... slow, and awkward, but within its own cheesy terms, things are normal. Too normal. Enter Achille Lauro. 

Softly, almost whispering, he begins to sing a song called  “Me ne frego”  (”I don’t care” - but with an edge of “fuck you”). This is both an everyday Italian expression and a fascist motto. Well, it was till now. 

A nation is convulsed. Right-wing Italian boomers are screaming because YOU! CAN’T! DO! THAT! AT! SANREMO! THERE! ARE! CHILDREN! WATCHING! Italian Tumblr, which like the rest of Tumblr is feral, thirsty and gay, is screaming for different reasons entirely. 

Achille, you scandalous creature, what have you done? What have you got to say for yourself?

Something strange and magical  has released and it cannot be contained. On with the songs. Good songs, bad songs, blah songs. I like “Tikibombom” by Levante - a love letter to weirdos and rebels, “Rosso di Rabbia” (Rage Red) by Anastasio about being, well, angry but scared you can’t do anything useful with it, and “Eden” by  Rancore, about... the nature of sin?? touching on everything from September 11 to the mafia to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.   However, this contest is being judged (mostly - it’s complicated) by an industry jury of FOOLS, COWARDS, and TRAITORS who KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO, so virtually all of the above artists are so far languishing towards the bottom of the provisional rankings. Achille ends up in 17th place and  Rancore at 22.

Truly, the light hath shone in the darkness and the darkness knoweth it not.

LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO RANCORE. 

Rapper down, repeat RAPPER DOWN. SEND HELP.

However, for people who went in implacably biased against Morgan, it’s not all bad news. "Sincero” (Sincere) by Morgan and Bugo is in last place. Whether this is anything to do with the song or because Morgan is a nightmare of a person who has systematically alienated everyone in the Italian music industry except the trusting Bugo ... we can but ponder.  Sanremo grinds on. Days blur into each other and I’m not even going to try to cover events in exact order. Sanremo knows no order. Sanremo is like the universe, linear time is a construct that doesn’t really exist, and chaos happens very, very slowly.  But meanwhile, somewhere on the astral plane:

At least that is what I deduce must have happened.

The competitors and guests look deep within themselves. Do they have what it takes? Are they ready to answer the call? 

Let’s see! It’s Covers Night! Which is also Duets Night!

That’s Elettra Lamborghini (yes, that Lamborghini) and Myss Keta.

 Are they in tune? No. Does it matter? ALSO NO.

Meanwhile ... something strange is brewing between Amadeus and Fiorello...

 But wait, PLOT TWIST.

Enter Roberto Benigni.

The beloved actor and director is the latest avatar of the Dionysian frenzy that has chosen Sanremo 2020 for the place of its birth. He is the One who will unite the electric queer mayhem and the impossible grinding tedium  of Sanremo. In him, the two strains will fuse and become unstoppable. He is going to talk about sex for twenty-six minutes

He reads from the Song of Songs, which ... I knew it was sexy, and all, but is it really like that? Do you ever think about NAKED BODIES? Roberto does. Do you believe in PHYSICAL LOVE? Roberto wishes you would. Anyway, just think of all the sex we could all be having, literally right now, right heeeeere, whether we are  “a woman, and her man. Or a man and his man. Or a woman, and her woman!” He is awful. He is magnificent. He is excruciating. He is spellbinding. We are hanging on his every word and we are considering chewing our own arms off to escape. He proposes an orgy in the orchestra pit. 

Hand on heart, all of that happened. Italian Tumblr, bear witness.

And what of Achille Lauro? He unleashed this madness upon us all,  is he just going to sit back and let everyone else do all the work? Of course not. Achille Lauro came to bring not peace, but a sword, to the world of toxic masculinity and gender in general and his work is not yet done.

”I too was once a little girl,” Achille sings.

Dressed as Bowie-as-Ziggy, Achille duets with Annalisa on “Gli Uomini Non Cambiano” - “Men Don’t Change”. It’s a heartbreaking song by Mia Martini from 1992 about male abuse of women, and not a single word, or a single pronoun has been changed.

However, although he’s the one in the competition, and the one dressed to dazzle, he leaves Annalisa the spotlight. It’s like she’s the tortured protagonist of the song and he’s a voice in her head, a sympathetic spirit who can’t swoop in to rescue her but can quietly affirm that she deserves better than the the hellish treatment she’s singing about. in fact, he pointedly stays a step behind her at all times. And she’s majestic. 

Of course, he’s not fucking DONE

He’s still got to sing “Me Ne Frego” again. Can he top the cape-drop? You be the judge.

So Italian Tumblr,  is now writhing on the carpet,  making a sound only bats can hear, and shitposting itself into delirium, but has it all been ENOUGH?

NO.

Poor Rancore has died again. Toxic masculinity still exists. Amadeus is still pretty gross. Everyone is going to have to GAY HARDER. CAN THEY DO IT? This post is, like Sanremo itself, getting insanely long, so ... STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO, in which Fiorello’s true nature as a chaos being is revealed, Amadeus faces his Calvary, and the gun on the stage goes off.  ----- UPDATE: Part 2 is here

[umbry-fic]

A Palette Full of You (2)

Summary: Glimpses into Colette and Lloyd's lives as they grow up together, learn who they are, and fall in love with each other.

(Written for Colloyd Week 2021)

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel Relationships: Colette Brunel & Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving Rating: G Chapter: 2 of 6 Word Count: 4212 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 10/06/2021

Chapter Title: Save the Children!

Chapter Summary: Lloyd and Colette take a break from studying and decide to play a video game. Colette starts to ruminate a little on how she's different from the rest of her classmates...

(Colloyd Week Day 2: Sidequest)

Notes+Warnings: Chapter 2 of my multi-chapter Colloyd week fic! Colette and Lloyd play a bunch of Kameo: Elements of Power. Lloyd is bisexual. This chapter might have a bit of internalised acephobia so beware.

Chapter list Full fic Previous chapter Next chapter

~~~

12-years-old

"There! Over there!" Colette shouted, dropping the Xbox controller onto her lap and gesturing frantically towards a corner of the television screen. In her frantic excitement, she completely forgot that Lloyd was sitting right next to her on the sofa, her elbow banging straight into Lloyd's arm.

Lloyd, startled, pitched to the side and pushed the joystick on his Xbox controller in the same direction.

Major Ruin, who Lloyd had been controlling to charge up a Bolder Rush, executed the move at this exact moment as Lloyd let go of the right trigger.

And so Major Ruin careened right off the edge of the platform, as per the directions Lloyd had just inputted into the game. The tragic end to a glorious adventure. Kameo would never rescue her father from her sister’s evil clutches, for she had fallen to her death from a high height... by complete accident. Or maybe it would be better to class this as incompetence?

Oops.

"Oh, no," they both muttered at the same time, staring with their mouths open in horror. Colette reached out uselessly towards the TV, as if she could reach into the game and stop Major Ruin’s fall.

As if.

The armadillo look-alike Earth elemental (except a lot spikier) continued to fall while flailing their stubby limbs uselessly, eventually hitting the ground with the familiar and resonant "thud", accompanied with the dreaded snapping sound that had populated much of their playtime in the Snow-top Village. The thin and winding ice paths throughout that area had led to many a death from fall damage as they had tried to get their hands on the elemental fruits hidden away among various corners. Now that they were in the Ancient Tower, with its dark, foreboding, narrow stone corridors lit only by the sparest of torches sitting in sconces, where there was only one path forward and they were caged in by walls, Colette thought their falling episodes would be over. It was a bit claustrophobic, really.

It appeared that was not the case. Fall damage was eternal, and it would haunt them always, following them everywhere and showing its face at the most inopportune of moments.

Major Ruin morphed back into Kameo's petite, winged form, collapsing to the ground with a pained groan. Lloyd's side of the screen faded to black before he respawned at the last checkpoint, erasing a full 20 minutes of progress. The Kameo that Colette controlled was now completely alone in the chamber, performing her idle animations as Colette’s controller went untouched. Lloyd dropped his Xbox controller into his lap as well, leaning back against the sofa as he let out a groan of his own.

There was no sound apart from the whirring coming from the Xbox under the TV, the game music, and the "whup-whup" of the blades of the ancient standing fan in the corner of the living room, struggling in its job to blow "cool" air at them and combat the viciously hot weather.

Lloyd had every right to be frustrated with her; she had a tendency to kill him in-game. It wasn't murder, just manslaughter: knocking him off the cliff, setting both of them on fire, or startling him in general. It wasn't just in Kameo. Her clumsiness and butterfingers translated to every genre. No matter the game - Mario, Minecraft, Maplestory - she always found some way to cause a game over.

But he'd never directed any frustration or anger towards her. These are just silly games, he said every time. Much easier to laugh over the mirthful consequences together than get mad. Whenever they had the time to play video games together, the air was filled with nothing but laughter, a few frustrated grumbles from when they were struggling at a particular level, and the occasional rib from Lloyd’s end when she messed up. That's what made it incredibly fun. What the two of them had termed "game-time" never failed to put a smile on their faces.

And it was an effective destresser! It was a great relief to be able to channel all the stress from studying for PSLE into beating up trolls in Kameo. That appeared to be Lloyd's favourite part of the game - racking up combos with his favourite character Pummel Weed. Though she had to say her favourite part of the game so far was watching the cutscenes that played after rescuing the baby elementals from the prisons created by the nefarious shadow trolls. The wacky transformation from adorable blob to full-fledged elemental, complete with the blob sprouting arms and growing claws or shells, was… interesting to witness.

"Sorry," she sheepishly said, still feeling the need to apologise as she patted his hand. "Didn't mean to startle you. It's just that I found the last child!"

"Oh, really? Where?” Lloyd asked eagerly, attention turning back to the TV. “I couldn't see anything. It's all so dark."

"Over there." More calmly this time, Colette pointed out the child encased in a translucent ice crystal, tucked away in a corner of the platform hidden in shadow. She’d forgotten the name of this species, and could only describe them as cuttlefish that had taken human form. What were they were doing so far from the Mountain Falls? Weren't they native to that location? "We need to free them quickly! This is the last child."

“The last - you’ve been keeping count?!” Lloyd asked, voice rising in volume and shock written clearly across his face.

“Yeah! The mother said there were three, and we’ve rescued two. She must have been really worried, or she wouldn’t have begged us to save her children. I want to reunite them as soon as possible!”

"Alright. Ice, huh? It'd be similar to the other crystals we got rid of in the snow area. So just turn into Ash!" Lloyd suggested.

"Oh, you're right! Thanks for the reminder!" Colette opened the transformation wheel with a quick press of a button and proceeded to fumble with the joystick for a full minute while Lloyd slowly crawled his way back up the tower. She kept pushing too far to the right and overshooting Ash's dragon head on the wheel to land on Thermite, before overcorrecting to the left and landing on 40 Below. Frustration slowly piled up until she groaned, burying her head in her lap. This was embarrassing. She couldn't even navigate a simple menu like this, even after months of playing this game. Butterfingers, once again.

"Lloyd, can you open the main menu? I'll just pick Ash from there."

"Nah, we don't need to open Wotnot. Let's give Ortho a break for now," Lloyd replied. She knew that wasn't the real reason. Lloyd just didn’t want to hear from the eccentric wizard trapped within the paperback book that doubled as the main menu. "Here, let me help. But you need to get up first!" She straightened up, still sulking as he smiled at her, looking like he was holding back laughter at her predicament.

Lloyd stretched out his hand and placed his index finger over her thumb, gently guiding her thumb on the joystick so that the selection square landed right on Ash's head. Colette watched as Kameo hunched over and transformed into the red, clawed, scaly dragon that was the fire elemental Ash, tail slowly swaying from side-to-side as his wings flapped.

"You're so good at this..." she muttered, glancing down at her controller where Lloyd's hand was still placed over hers. They were only 12, but his hands were already slightly bigger than hers. He'd gotten his growth spurt in the earlier part of this year and shot up in height; now half a head taller than her. It was a slightly startling change after being the same height for the six years they'd known each other. He would likely only grow taller as time went on. As for herself... Maybe she'd gain another 5 centimetres by the time she was 18, if she was lucky. Given the actual state of her luck, she'd probably stagnate at her current height. Tallness was just not in the cards for her.

Not that she minded. The added height made him rather comfortable to lie on. If he gained just a few more centimetres, his shoulder would be the perfect height to rest her head on… That would make movie nights all the more comfortable.

Plus, the height change was just that. A physical change. Inside, Lloyd was still the same person - the boy who loved playing with Noishe but hated doing his homework, and would do everything in the world to avoid it. He hadn't changed. Not a single bit.

"Don’t sweat it. There are so many things you’re good at too! If it weren’t for your keen eye, I would’ve missed the kid entirely… So don’t be too bothered!” Lloyd gave her hand one squeeze before removing his hand, returning to his quest of returning to Colette's location. "Now, melt the ice!”

Colette did exactly that, leading the lumbering Ash over to the entrapped child and unleashing his fire breath. She watched with bated breath as the ice slowly melted, causing more of the child to be exposed to the air. They had previously used this exact same technique to unearth elemental fruits in the icy caverns filled with those icky bugs that exploded when defeated and obscured the screen with blue juice. It had been exciting then, to stumble upon secrets because of their penchant for exploration. But watching the child slowly be freed, watching their tentacles slowly start to move as they came into contact with warm air, was an entirely different experience, one that filled her with joy.

When was the last time the two of them completed a side objective like this, one that had direct effects on a citizen of this magical world? Casting her mind back informed her that that would be the starting town, when they returned to water the farmer’s crops with Deep Blue.

Now that the last child had been fully freed, all the children went running back to their worried mother, who proceeded to pull them into a giant group hug. Colette dropped her controller, clapping her hands together at such a sweet sight. Lloyd did laugh, then, a chuckle that she could feel rumble through her as well from where their shoulders touched. "What are you so excited about?" he asked.

"We did it! We saved all the children!" she exclaimed, watching the mother pull out one of the large elemental fruit in thanks. "Doesn't that make you happy? That we were able to help someone... That's what makes these side objectives fulfilling, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's just like you to get like this over a video game,” Lloyd replied, watching Kameo hoist the elemental fruit into the air, where it magically shrunk in size to fit in her bag. Colette wondered how Kameo’s bag even worked - how did it store Wotnot and dozens of elemental fruits? It was like a black hole. Just like Noishe's stomach.

“Though..." Lloyd frowned, staring up at the clock that hung on the wall, whose hands indicated that it was 2 pm. "Time’s up. We should get back to revising before Mom gets home from the vet with Noishe."

"Oh, you're right..." That was a downer. Time had flown so fast; their 20 minutes were up already!

The moment had come to return to the dining table and the assessment books that sat open on it. Studying was never fun, but it just had to be math today, and the chapter just had to be nets. Her most hated subject, combined with the topic she hated most. It was a headache all around.

But Lloyd was surprisingly good at nets, and he'd been a great help the whole day. Even if he still hated math with a passion and always got stuck on algebra questions, where it was her turn to assist him. That was why studying together was effective! They could fill in the gaps for each other, and motivate each other to keep going. Just three months left to go until it was all over! They could do this, and they would get through it. Together, just as they would every predicament that came to pass in the future.

"Um, and before you go home today, could you help me with something else?"

"What is it?" Colette asked, reaching for the TV remote on the coffee table. Lloyd was staring at the carpet, his hand absent-mindedly pulling at the hem of his singlet, separating the fabric from sweaty skin.

“Ellum’s birthday present,” Lloyd muttered, his voice getting softer with each word he spoke, until she could barely make out the words. “His birthday is in two weeks, and I…”

Ohhh.

They had a habit of telling each other almost everything, for any secret was always safe with the other. So she knew why Lloyd was clamming up. Ellum was his current crush, after all.

“Say no more. Of course I’ll help you! We can do whatever you want!” she replied with enthusiasm. She'd be happy to help.

"Thank you," Lloyd replied, meeting her gaze again with a tiny smile lighting up his face. "Now, let's get back to studying."

They made the short walk to the dining table, taking their seats across from each other. Lloyd's face was already starting to twist into a grimace, resigning himself to another few hours of torture at the hands of the twisted people who made their livelihood setting math questions.

Clearing away the Kit Kat wrappers on her assessment book, she glanced down at a question about nets she'd been working on before the break. Yet not a single word on the page was being absorbed. They were all running away from her.

The downside of Lloyd confiding in her for all of his crushes was that it was a stark reminder that she hadn't had her first one yet. And then, inevitably, her mind would drift further to all the little ways she stood out from her classmates.

It was like everyone around her had changed drastically overnight at some unknown point in time. The jokesters of the class had just started making dirty jokes one day, prompting scandalised glares from the rest of the class but also prompting snickers. She herself didn't get the joke half the time, just laughed to go along with everyone else.

Then there was the shift in daily conversation. Instead of discussing their favourite Pokémon, more often than not the other girls would now discuss in hushed voices while giggling which celebrity was the most attractive. She herself would sit quietly, trying to melt into the wall as she observed without interjecting, half fascinated and half horrified. Weren't they all too young for this?

Things got even more awkward when she was forcibly pulled into the conversation when someone directed a question at her. She had no idea what to say whenever someone showed her a picture of a celebrity and asked her to rate them. The only thing she ever managed to stutter out was that their eyes were a nice colour, and so was their hair. That... was how you judged a person on how attractive they were, right? Everyone else, though, seemed to think she was weird. But how was she supposed to be feeling? No one had ever taught her. It felt like everyone was keeping a secret from her on how these things were supposed to work, then making fun of her for not getting it.

She only got more confused every time something like that happened. All she wanted to do was go back to talking about her favourite cartoons, but that didn't seem to be an option. Lloyd wasn't in the same class as her, so she couldn't even sit with him and ignore everyone else. The only time she could meet up with him during school hours was at recess. She didn't know what Lloyd talked about with the rest of his friends. Maybe the same stuff. But she didn't really care, because, with him, she could just be herself. There was no need for tiring pretence.

All she could do when the girls were in a mood to discuss celebrities again was sit a little outside of their circle, counting down the seconds remaining for class to start while she tried to look as occupied as possible. She couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief every time the topic of conversation turned back to something a little easier to understand, like video games.

But surely, someday, she would understand.

She was waiting. For that day. For her to finally catch up to everyone else in the race she hadn’t even known she’d entered until everyone had left her in the dust, still standing with her mouth agape at the starting line. To finally be like everyone else, to be able to fit in seamlessly. But there was no use getting down about it!

She just had to meet The One. Then everything would change, everything would fix itself. That's what happened in all the stories, the shows, the movies, after all.

Because everyone, in the end, learned to feel the same way, right?

~~~

19-years-old

"Right! I think that’s enough for now.” Colette’s voice shattered the serenity of her room from where she was sitting on the bed with her laptop balanced in her lap, cutting through the sleepy fog that was starting to fill Lloyd’s head. The peaceful Ghibli tunes that had been filling the room cut off abruptly as she shut her laptop screen, reaching a hand up to undo her messy hair bun.

Lloyd yawned, rubbing his eyes and hoping that would make his eyelids feel less heavy. Pushing himself up from his belly-down position on the bed, he caught one last glance of the back of Colette's neck before her hair covered it again. Doing prep for uni was not the most exciting way to pass the afternoon, and it certainly wasn't normal fare for a date. But it had to be done, so they might as well do it together, as they did all things.

Though he'd gotten distracted and started scrolling through YouTube about an hour ago.

"Are you going to change out of pyjamas?” Lloyd asked, stretching, his shirt hiking up slightly. He’d taken the lift down the three floors that separated his apartment and hers in the old HDB block that they’d stayed in all their lives, rang the doorbell while staring at the Chinese New Year decorations that were still hung up despite the month now being April, and waited for Colette to open the door… Only to be met with the sight of Colette in her favourite doggie pyjamas, the baby blue button-up ones that covered every inch of her skin. She'd shrugged and said it was cold from the non-stop rain, but he knew the real reason was the lazy post-A-levels haze, that affected him as well. These days, sleeping in until noon was the norm. Or sleeping in until one of his parents came into his bedroom to knock him awake.

“Yeah,” she replied, grabbing a towel and a few articles of clothing from the open wardrobe and heading towards the doorway.

“Alright.”

Lloyd closed his laptop slowly, not wanting a repeat of the time in Secondary 3 he’d shattered the screen because Zelos had sneaked up on him and caught him unawares. He rolled off the bed, making the small trip of barely a few steps to the study table, passing the various objects Colette had up on the walls - the Disney posters she’d gotten ages ago, and the random stickers she’d amassed over the years from school club sales and donations - and the bay window filled to the brim with cute and huggable soft toys, a familiar Siberian Husky that showed the signs of being well-loved sitting atop the pile.

Lying on the study table was Colette’s Nintendo Switch, plugged into a socket to charge. Right next to it was a jar holding paintbrushes of all sizes, all of them as clean of paint as possible, for he knew Colette took extremely good care of her art supplies. The sketchbook no one was allowed to peek into was sticking out of the table’s drawer, half-used pads of foolscap and sheets of paper with pencils rolling in them visible within. Files that he’d nearly kicked, containing lecture notes and worksheets, were shoved into messy piles under the table, unneeded after the conclusion of examinations but having no convenient place to be stored. The tiny shelf sitting on the table still had her Junior College badge housed on one of the layers, silver in colour and reflecting the light from the windows, despite her having no use for it ever since they had graduated in November. (Perhaps she liked looking at it? She was something of a magpie sometimes.) He could spot a familiar conch shell, placed among other knick-knacks, mostly birthday presents.

Picking up the handheld (with its lime green and cyan JoyCons firmly attached), he unplugged the charger and watched the screen light up - and frowned at what it showed him.

"Hey, Colette!" he yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth. He hoped he could catch her before she entered the bathroom. Uncle Frank was working in the master bedroom no more than five metres away and had been nothing less than incredibly nice, as he always was, providing tons of refreshments and snacks. Lloyd would like to prevent a shouting relay if possible.

If Colette had been walking, she shouldn't have reached the bathroom yet...

The fast pitter-patter of bare feet against the floor informed him that he was right. "What is it, Lloyd?" Colette's head poked its way into the doorframe, her golden hair reaching down towards the floor, her blue eyes wide and questioning.

"You left Animal Crossing on," he answered, waving the Switch in the air.

Her eyes lit up in understanding. "Oh. You know what to do, right?"

Control the playable character and put her to sleep, then save the game. He'd done it before.

"Yeah, but, I was thinking... I haven't taken a walk on your island since last year. How about I take another tour while you're in the bathroom? If you're okay with it, of course."

"Oh, sure! I trust you." Colette smiled sweetly, turning to leave before pausing and turning back. "But remember -"

"- remember not to step on the flowers." Lloyd finished her sentence easily, stating that fact very seriously. He knew about Colette's concerns about her precious flowers, which she’d spent hours arranging around her little island until they were in just the right spot - fields of rainbows to welcome any guests and guide them around. He hadn't known that the stems of the flowers could break from being trampled multiple times when he first explored her quaint world - the fictional flowers were just as fragile as their real-life counterparts. He’d kept that in mind ever since, adding it to the many rules to follow to ensure no harm came to all the hard work Colette had put in to make her island perfect.

"Yep. Um…” Colette wrung her hands together, bowing her head so her hair formed a veil over her face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, taking a step towards her.

“No, nothing’s wrong!” Colette hurriedly replied, lifting her head again. She screwed her eyes shut, hands clenching into fists. “I - uh, just wanted to say… I love you!”

The last three words came out in a shout, so quick that he almost didn’t catch them.

Lloyd froze, trying to process what he’d just heard - and before he could reply, Colette was already gone, having fled down the corridor and out of sight.

He slowly shut his mouth, which he hadn’t even realised was open.

This was the first time she’d said those coveted three words since they'd started dating. Her voice had been dripping with uncertainty, her posture betraying her shyness, but no matter how contradictory, she’d said it with sincerity, with all her heart. And even though he didn't need to hear them from her to know she loved him, for it was actions that counted, and certainly didn't need to hear them from her for him to love her, it still made him smile, his whole soul filled with a light warmth.

They’d travelled such a long way from all the checkpoints in life that they'd passed together. They still had a long way to go, but they’d do it together. As they always had.

"I love you too, silly," he said into empty space, knowing Colette couldn't hear him but wanting to say it anyway.

Lloyd unlocked the Switch screen, staring down at Colette's intricate creation. Flowers filled the screen, black, grey, white, purple, that he found familiar but couldn't put a name to. Oh, well. He would just tour the island and check out any new changes while he walked to the living room and waited for Colette to come back. Maybe he'd visit the town centre as well.

The most vital question to be answered was... Had Colette gotten those froggy chairs that she wanted for the townspeople?

~~~

Next chapter

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

[Sorry if this one isn’t coherent. I could not focus on this video for the life of me. It took me three days to get through lol.]

“Don't Trust Anyone” September 23, 2020 - Speaks

Says he wants to make a quick video on why no one should ever trust anyone. [The video is over 40 minutes long 😭]

He wanted to play hero and white knight by giving people he wanted to help things to make their lives better. He’s given thousands of dollars worth of stuff: flat screen TVs, thousand dollar airfares. Males, females, people in their 20′s, 30′s 40′s, etc. People who have met him in person say he’s a generous guy.

Says he gave his mother a quarter of a million dollar house and it destroyed their relationship. He says it showed him the house is more important to her long term. He told her she got the house for free and she said it cost her her relationship with him. He asks why she was letting a house that was given to her for free cost their relationship. He says he offered to buy the house back and she didn’t want to sell it even though it was free. He says he needs a place to film. He says Onision videos aren’t coming back because of his mom.

He doesn’t value his life and he doesn’t have a lot of will to live, that’s why he doesn’t have a filter and tells you how he really is. People play a game to get more respect and money, but he just doesn’t want to exist.

He says there’s at least 10 people he’s given $10,000 of stuff to.

He lived in a laundry room and was on food stamps because his mom was a single mom. He says when people says “it’s only money”, he thinks your a privileged pampered jerk. He says it means a lot to him when someone donates $5 on twitch. He says twitch takes half so he only gets $2.50. [This is really funny when you compare it to the shit he used to say to his fans when he was making over a million a year and the shit he said to them when they wouldn’t pay for the Onision channel when he made it pay to view only.]

He says he gave Cyr food and camera equipment. (Cyr and his gf story.)

Says it’s hard to trust Youtubers because the platform rewards drama. He asks if someone is going to take a DM out of context or lie about wanting to be in a sketch or not. Are you going to pretend to be against something because your afraid of being canceled? He doesn’t want to exist in a world like that.

You invest a lot of time and love in something and it turns around and bites your hand off. People do that because you hurt their feelings.

If you’re not an adult and you’re not blood related to him, he’s a jerk to you so everyone knows he wants nothing to do with you. Besides that he’s nice to pretty much everyone except his mom and an independent voter cousin he has. She stormed off with a red face when he laughed in her face at how stupid she is.

Says his director friend who is very professional and worked with a lot of youtubers said to him, “if only people know you for who you are.” He says he presents himself differently online, using a comedic or acting flair. He did this because he wanted to get the message he’s trying to convey and make an impact. He wants people to feel things when they watch him. The idea of Onision is so big and powerful, it’s impossible to get past the illusion.

He doesn’t feel poly right now. He doesn’t want a relationship outside his husband. It’s too socially complicated to keep two people happy and not jealous. (Chris Rock women try to steal your man quote.) People try to rip apart his 8 year long, successful marriage. He implies Kai stays with him and loves him even when they are at odds, that’s a genuine human being and relationship. Other people pretend to like him. (Moderator said she hated him for a year.)

Says he made a video about cuddlegate and another break up they had with Billie. Says she always visited them, flew out for a week or two weeks. He says it was expensive. He says he asked her if those videos were accurate. She said yes. He says those videos weighed in her favor.

When you sever ties with someone because the person was dangerous to your family, the online community doesn’t care. Certain crimes are acceptable to people online like drug abuse, dealing, lie, fraud.

Describes himself as a goody-two-shoes because he’s a former air force cop. Says people don’t like him because he represents authority, the people who dumped you, your dad, the less hip crowd.

Says Billie admitted she lied on video.

He tries to live in the real world, but he deals with people don’t care about justice or objectivity. They only care about feelings. When all you care about is feelings, then anyone that doesn’t want to be your friend is a monster and a criminal.

When someone blocks him on twitter, he thinks they have the wrong idea about him. He doesn’t hate them and think they’re a terrible person. He’s sure if a person has a coherent, civilized conversation with him, they wouldn’t conclude a lot that’s negative.

Says there’s a lot of cancel culture and #metoo hysteria where people focus on people that hurt their feelings. Says there are a lot of valid #metoo too.

He says talking about women’s rights is compensating and being manipulative. He says someone told him he should do that and he saw it on Amazon’s The Boys. There’s no real consequence. Just social consequence like Johnny Depp’s ex.

People lie and are malicious because he rejected him.

People only care about news about accusations about famous people when people are murdered ever day. You say you’re caring and you just want justice, he can’t help but question your priorities.

Says he was recommended an old update video about himself from Mike who worked with Chris Hansen. He didn’t watch it, he pressed uninterested. Says Mike went to actual court for allegedly groping people.

If Batman was truly against bad people, he would lock up the whole city because bad people are everywhere. They vote, lie, and do things to others constantly based on personal gift. Says he was given an amazing gift to tell the truth. Says it might be the suicidal feelings. He wouldn’t do it, but he would press a button to not exist anymore. He says he doesn’t want to hurt people who care about him. Says it’s contagious sometimes.

Says he’s the giving tree, like the book. Says the tree kept giving and it wasn’t appreciated by the person using it.

Says it’s rare for people to kick him out of their life. (Hannah Minx rejected him story) He says he didn’t blame her and that’s how you handle rejection. You say ok and move on. [lol yeah ok buddy] People don’t give him the same decency.

Says he had a Patreon who donated thousands to him. She had a mental breakdown in front of himself and a few other Patreons during a gathering near Boston. [this is about Dev] She didn't feel like they appreciated her for driving them around, but she was the one that invited them. She’s the reason he doesn’t have meet ups anymore. She was a 30-something woman who lost her mind in front of a bunch of 20-somethings and himself. She burned out the clutch of her car out of rage. She told him she just wanted a clean break after, but he says he didn’t care. He thinks she said that because she didn’t want him to talk about what happened. He says that’s a situation where he’s not negative and appreciates the good things she did, donated thousands to him. He was petrified of her. His two Patreon friends witnessed it and they just wanted water bottles.

He doesn’t think he could have a meaningful relationship now after what he’s been through. Most people he kicked out lost their mind after. Says the ex Patreon didn’t lose their mind after. He says she accused him of sleeping with a 24 / 25-year-old while they were there. They were 40 minutes away from having to leave at the airport. It was 4 am and they were up all night. He was exhausted so he went to lay down in the dark. The two patreons were in the other room. But that women still blindly said they slept together. He doesn’t know who would want to have sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with at 4 am before you leave for the airport.

Someone asked him on Only Fans when he’ll sleep with other people for his pictures. He says he doesn’t know because he has to love someone and be in a relationship with them. He doesn’t want to have a relationship with anyone outside Kai because he’s terrified. Any time he gets close to you people you’re a danger to his family or dishonest.

The cops took Shiloh away when he called them on her and people think she’s some kind of hero. Siren on the rocks. They cry victim and they’re really trying to drown you.

(Skye prenup story)

It’s great he has no friends now. He can deal with loneliness and he has a family. He was giving stuff away and getting little back. He’s finally protecting himself.

Says to make people prove themselves before you let them hurt you. Like getting a tattoo, a spray tan, or dying their hair green. Says don’t actually do that to prove yourself to him. He says that will make you look crazy, he wasn’t being literal.

[theycallmegothboy]

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

[because-we-are-simple-memories]

Alright, time to sit down and write about my relationship that lasted all of 6 months and came to a very abrupt end. In November, I really wanted to break up with him, I should’ve done it, but I had hope for us.

20 years ago, I meet these two guys, Alex and Tim. I was conceited, and I was chubby (still am chubby). 😂 I chose Alex, but remained friends with Tim. Alex ends up in jail for a few months and Tim and I connected. By the way, Tim and Alex knew each other, they went to the same high school and absolutely hated each other. When Alex and I broke up, Tim and I had decided to give it a shot, since he said he still loved me. Well, on our first official date, Alex shows up and ruins the whole thing. Tim got upset and thought I was going to go back with Alex. That led to Tim completely ghosting me. Fast forward 20 years (last year, 2020) and Tim and I cross paths again on social media. He mentions how much he loved me and still has feelings for me and of course I always wondered, “What If?” all this time. So we decide to make a go of it in September 2020. Let me tell y’all, it’d been a while since I’d been with a man. I didn’t want to rush into things but I also felt like I knew Tim. We’d been talking for months, he knew all my secrets and well, I didn’t know much of his. He was very quiet and very distant. Oh, but my foolish heart and my brainwashed mind were saying, “we can fix him, we will make him feel again”, who the fuck do I think I am?!? So I look past all the red flags...like when he would tell me, “I still love you”, to get me to agree to sex. I know...PATHETIC!!🙄 But my dumb ass fell for the Bullshit. Which I 100% blame on my lack of confidence. We didn’t spend a single holiday together, thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, NYE and Valentines all went uncelebrated. No gifts just a verbal acknowledgment of whatever holiday we were on. He is a zero effort man...the sex, well, it was lousy. Being that he himself is large and I mean large as in morbidly obese, I’m not judging, I loved the idiot! So, he’s a big guy but his 🍆 isn’t. It’s very short and not very wide either. It was a major disappointment but I had hope. He bought us a vibrator, but he’s a cheap person so he bought a cheap vibrator that did nothing for me. I think he got the hint because it stayed boxed away in his closet. And then here’s when my suspicion started to grow, we’re having sex and he busts out a penis extender, for those that don’t know, it’s a hollow penis that is suppose to suction on to the penis. However, he could never get it to work. But the few times he tried to use it got me close to feeling aroused, but then he’d get frustrated and stop using it. I ask him about this new toy of his, “hey babe, when’s you get that penis extender?” and he replied “a few months back, like in July or August”. I always had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t faithful, there never was proof, it was just my suspicions. So, because of the size of his stomach and the smallness of his penis, sex positions were limited. So, listen to this...one day we’re having sex, he would call it, “making love”, and he has a huge orgasm and stops. I tell him, “I didn’t cum” and his reply...his cocky ass says, “you came a bunch of times the other day!” Um excuse me!?! I should mention, I’m 40 and he’s 42 and we both have lupus, I survived stage 3 Uterine Cancer and he survived a major car wreck that led to him having more metal than bone in his body. None the less, this grown ass man still couldn’t tell when a woman wasn’t satisfied. Above all, he was a narcissist and I fell victim to it. He had me so scared of losing him. He had me apologizing to the most stupid random crap. I despise that I fell victim to another narcissist but I feel like I’m walking away with more clarity. My time with Tim was short, here I thought he was “the one that got away” and instead he turned out to be a coward. Back in January he tells me that his friend has covid and he was exposed so he needed to quarantine. I was worried about this “man”! So here we are at the end of February and we haven’t seen each other in 6 weeks. I noticed him getting distant, but I thought it was because he was sick. Nope! I’m not sure if he even was sick. Turns out his ex from 2 years ago contacted him.

His ex told him he has an 18 month old daughter. He didn’t believe it so he had a DNA test done and he’s the father. He tells me this on Monday and tells me that we’ll talk later that night. Later that night, he texts me that he’s on his way home. Then he texts me that he’s home and he’s going to shower but he’s exhausted so he’ll text me tomorrow. Well tomorrow was yesterday and not a single fucking word from him. Nothing! I’d show you screen shots, but I’m embarrassed of my messages to this man. 20 years later and he’s still a fucking coward. Today I sent him a short letter letting him know I didn’t regret anything, it was all a lesson, I wish him well. I honestly do, but it should go without saying that I do hate him a tiny bit. He knew for a whole month and he said absolutely nothing to me! That’s what kills me, that I overlooked things about him because I believed his lies. This is a man whose ass crack was on constant display because his shirts were too small. Damn fucking coward! Realizing that has definitely helped me move past the hurt and realize my worth. I lowered my worth for a man who didn’t deserve any part of me. I had built my walls so high, then he comes in tearing them down and letting me let my guard down and he took that and shit all over it! I cried a lot more than I wanted to, but I reminded myself of his actions and words and I snapped myself out of it. He preys on broken women, women who barely have a shred of dignity left, women who have been beat down by society, family, friends and strangers, women who are at their breaking point. I didn’t want that to be me, so I’m glad I have closure. And yes, I’m only human, so a small part of me wonders if he cared, even just a little. At the end of the day, I know my tried and true people have my back and even at 40, I can say, “I want my Mommy!” 😭with tears pouring down my face and she’ll be right there wrapping her arms around me, helping me mend a 💔 . So Tim, thanks for the lesson, I really should’ve broken up with you back in November!

One day, all of this will be a distant memory. My memories of Tim from our 20s have changed, because now I know what if and now I know he’s a coward. Too much of a coward to tell me he’s probably getting back with his ex. Let them be happy, I’m free! I’m a wild spirit that needs to travel and see the world and Tim’s interests are bad sex, eating his weight in cookie dough, watching tv & sleeping all day and night. Wow! Writing all that out really makes me sick. Why did I think he was what I want or need!?! KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!!

[ramblefang]

Rabbit Town; BNA ep 2

 “Previous Post

Preface

My previous (and first) post of these BNA first impressions ended up being more rambly than even I want to be. Most of that was due to me retelling events, which I was actually doing to help me remember what happened in the episode. So instead, I’m going to try just going through the episode again in another tab and using timestamps (which I think is the norm for this sort of thing anyway.) This technically means I’ll be writing down my second impressions, but I’d really prefer my first watch of episodes to not be interrupted every minute by me needing to tab out and write something. I’ll still try to remember and write out my first impressions anyway.

(Hmm, Netflix doesn’t seem to provide a precise timestamp. Guess I’ll just approximate things by mousing over the...runtime...bar thing.)

Cold Open

0:15 Starting off right where the last episode ended: Michiru saying that she’s human.

0:22 Shirou says she’s a tanuki, based on the appearance of her tail. She seems offended by the idea. My best guess is that her reaction has to do with what tanuki are famous for: having huge balls. (Also they’re magical spirits, which may or may not have something to do with the powers Michiru has.)

0:45 The police arrive and it seems Shirou is a known entity. Gives me Batman vibes. Is Shirou a vigilante? And in that way where the police are just used to it by now?

Opening

0:50 The OP starts and I notice the strands of DNA. Makes me think of how Michiru apparently changed species, and also the way there is some pharmaceutical company behind the very existence of Anima-City. Oh, and I just got that “BNA” is basically a pun on DNA.

1:30 Last time I had recalled something about shadowy feral transformations, but it looks like Michiru transforms into something more equine than anything else. (With what I know from later in the episode, she definitely seems to be a shapeshifter, which I think is appropriate for a tanuki.)

1:40 Oh, and there’s still totally something about this vocal melody that reminds me of “Bad Apple.” Admittedly, it’s been years since I actually listened to that song, so maybe I’ll have to go compare them later.

Forms

2:00 A detail spoiled by the OP: apparently beastmen have human forms that they can switch to, yet Michiru can’t. Honestly, it sort of looks like she’s stuck in a halfway state—a kemonomimi for the most part, though with the nose and “mask”

2:10 Shirou appears surprised, and possibly skeptical, about Michiru being unable to switch forms, indicating that it is by far the norm to be able to do so

2:35 Ah, by the way Michiru speaks about it, switching forms seems to be common knowledge even among humans. Shirou says “Quit talking like a human” in response to the idea that they’re always in beast form, which means this is a common human misconception (and this comes up later as well, illustrating how Michiru really comes across as human in little ways).

2:45 Bystanders seem to be paying special attention to Michiru, likely to her form. (This sets up what happens later over her inability to assume a human form)

Cooperative

3:00 A lot about this scene speaks to me as a trans person: someone running tests that “prove” someone’s identity and insisting that what they see on the surface is all there is to the truth

3:35 Michiru says she must be afflicted with a “disease”, reminding me of the worries I had about a pharmaceutical company being behind the city and how there may be a darker purpose involving a “cure.” Unsettlingly, Michiru also isn’t far off from saying that being a beastman—the very existence of beastmen—is itself a disease. (Mind, she doesn’t literally say that, but based on things she says at the end of the episode, it may not be too far off from how she actually feels—right now.)

4:00 Back to trans stuff, this reminds me of how being trans was, as a whole, labeled as “Gender Identity Disorder”, categorized as a mental illness rather than a natural state of being. (Also, I’m currently building a headcanon of Michiru being a trans girl. Not only because of this stuff, but also due to how she reacted to being called a tanuki: I can interpret her as feeling gender incongruence/dysphoria over the big balls thing.)

4:30 Interesting that this is a “cooperative”. Are they technically not part of the government and are more independent than that? Or maybe the term means something else in Japan.

4:40 Again with trans feels. Filling out forms and needing to identify as something you don’t actually see yourself as

4:50 (Didn’t catch that my first time around: different blood types? Wonder if blood harvesting and blood mixing will be a thing. Remembering the kids that were about to be sold off... Might these things be connected?)

(Rather than making things shorter, this is just resulting in me going even more in-depth. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.)

5:10 Probably a bit of an exaggeration that you can’t get back anything stolen from you: says more about how this is a seedier place than the video in episode 1 let on. We sort of got that from Michiru being pickpocketed in the first place, but this lets us know that that wasn’t an irregular occurrence

5:30 (Also didn’t really absorb this my first watch, but it does make sense that Michiru has been sleeping outside while on the run. Doesn’t feel good to think about how she had to spend that time being scared of the humans around her.)

5:40 Kuro is a wonderfully round birb.

6:10 Michiru making the same connected that I made (and that the audience in general is probably expected to make) about Shirou potentially being that big wolf who was up on the rooftops

6:25 Michiru probably expected Anima-City to be the end of her struggles where everything would just be better and easier. Indeed, she is young and naive.

The Next Morning

7:20 While Michiru may be surprised by the “rule of the strong” here, it does work effectively in parallel with the focus that has been put on money (between these two episodes). The powerful get to do what they want, whether it comes from physical strength or financial power. When it comes down to it, the human world, under a capitalist framework, doesn’t behave all that differently

7:45 Oh, Shirou has some sort of direction connection with the mayor and/or the government. Is this what they meant by “social worker”? Is he some sort of government agent? Does he have the extrajudicial authority to just beat people up (and even kill them?) the way he did with those terrorists?

9:00 (Considering Marie’s apparent connection to Rabbit Town, she probably does have some connection to the pickpocket. But now that I’m making this connection... Did Marie bring those kids to Rabbit Town after they were separated from their parents by beastman hunters?)

Rabbit Town

9:25 My very first expectation with a place called “Rabbit Town” was something akin to “Little China Town”

9:35 Then it struck me as something of a red light district

10:00 And we learn what Michiru might have to deal with in the future for being unable to switch to a human form: more people may think she’s trying to pick a fight.

10:15 Saying that she’s “not some baby” indicates that there are people who can’t control their forms: young children. Or, perhaps, someone who hasn’t been a beastman for a long time. (Maybe she’ll figure it out when/if she gets back with the kids she helped rescue.)

10:45 (Struck by how “coincidental” it is that someone like Grand Grandma would end up with a random kid’s wallet. It’s making me think that the pickpocket and Marie actually funnel people into this person-trafficking ring)

11:15 With my early impression of Rabbit Town being some sort of red light district, I thought this was some sort of communal daycare. (But seeing it again, I’m noticing how stern these women are at seeing the children. Definitely doesn’t look like they care about the kids.)

11:20 The line about them being “women who were betrayed by men”, and the following lines, really fit in with my thinking that this was a red light district, and they probably just didn’t want to outright say these were sex workers. (And maybe some of them are, but it turns out to be far from the whole picture)

11:40 And it does seem to be the image they want to give to Michiru: that they’re a bunch of women struggling together with all of these kids to take care of. There was also a bit about “what it’s like to live as a beastman” which makes me think that it’s definitely the norm for beastmen to be poor—not a surprise since they are clearly an oppressed minority group

Literacy

12:05 Totally expected “Poop” to become the kids’ nickname for Michiru. (Glad it didn’t since it would have made it harder to really care about what happens later.)

12:50 Look at these cuties wanting to learn. (And sobering in retrospect to think how this is probably the most care and attention they’ve had in a while.)

13:10 I forgot to say something about it last episode, but the way Shirou’s sense of smell is visualized is amazing.

13:20 Again with the red light district impression, I was thinking this was the arrival of a pimp or something

13:40 I appreciate Michiru caring about what the kid is already doing instead of reprimanding them for not paying attention

14:00 So we learn about Silver Wolf, who could be the wolf Michiru saw when she arrived in the city. Since Shirou seems to be that wolf, does that mean he’s actually Silver Wolf? Is this an urban legend based on him? Or is he actually some sort of god?

Money

14:45 The demands of payment really played into my pimp impression, but then this guy mentions “letting these women be gangsters.” They could totally still be sex workers as well, but this clues us in that these women may be involved in shadier stuff

15:10 I wonder if the politics of these criminal groups will come more into play in the future. Wouldn’t be surprised if some of the villains we meet end up being allies by the end, considering the way Trigger tends to tell their stories.

15:35 “It’s all women are good for anyway” is an impressively disgusting line to tell us that they’ve been talking about selling the kids. Also, I wonder what it means for the mayor to know about the kids: that the government will be sending people to rescue the kids and shut them down...or that the mayor would be interested in buying...

15:45 The line about the kids being “snatched away” probably means the mayor, so probably not about buying the kids. Still doesn’t mean the “rescue” could end up being more nefarious than it would seem. (Look, I just don’t trust the head of a pharmaceutical company also being a mayor, especially when a video about the city was directly associated with the company instead of being its own thing.)

15:55 Given the earlier scene between Shirou and the mayor, and Shirou being here, I guess he’s something like the mayor’s enforcer? Her trusty hand that does what needs to be done? But I’d also guess that if the mayor is secretly a villain, Shirou has no idea

Trafficking

16:30 I immediately put together that these kids were probably separated from their parents due to attacks by those beastman hunters. (And earlier in this post is when I retroactively put together that Marie, or people with the same job, likely gave/sold the kids to Grand Grandma, if they don’t work for her directly.)

16:40 The rule of the powerful coming up again. This is the way this world (and our world) works. (Which I could go off on a political tangent about, but I’ll refrain for now.)

16:55 Michiru is an atheist. Or at least incredibly pragmatic. Not the most helpful thing to say to people who literally can’t do anything in this situation, but I appreciate the sentiment of actually doing what you can instead of hoping someone else does something about it

17:20 Hmm, no one seems too surprised about Michiru’s expanding tail powers. Maybe this is a relatively normal tanuki thing?

18:00 But the stretchy arms totally aren’t normal, even for a tanuki. Thinking about it, no one else has obviously shown any kind of powers yet. Shirou’s fight with the terrorists could have just been his physical prowess. Do these powers have something to do with Michiru’s transformation from human to beastman?

18:50 In case you didn’t catch on to everyone’s surprise, confirmation that what Michiru just did was very unusual.

19:25 Never a big fan of the “even if they’re women” line. They’ve been doing a very bad thing. Stopping them shouldn’t have anything to do with gender. Why even bring it up. But I guess it does play into Shirou being a masculine and “chivalrous” type of character, as well as this being a generally patriarchal society (which isn’t really any different from our world). (Thinking back to my post on the previous episode, I guess “this isn’t too different from our world” is probably the point that the pseudo-branding contributes to.)

20:00 It seems that Shirou’s relationship to the police is less like Batman, and more like he just outranks them.

20:20 “Facility” is such a cold and impersonal term that it really does make me worry about what the government is going to do with these kids. Again, pharmaceutical company. (I’ll make sure to go back to episode 1 and get a better look at the company’s actual name so I can use that. May as well if I’ll continue to make a big fuss over it.)

20:35 “Even though you’re a beastman, don’t you have a human heart?” is a horribly offensive question. I was initially going to refer to it as a microaggression, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how terrible it is. It’s heavily loaded with the ideas: 1) beastmen are expected to be bad, hence the “even though”, and 2) being human is inherently a good thing. Despite what she said to Shirou at the end of last episode, it seems that she really just has the inverse of his beliefs. And this is so clearly something that only a human would say that it convinces Grand Grandma of Michiru’s “humanity”

21:20 Shirou, needing to wait for evidence before he can do anything, kind of illustrates Michiru’s point of view of not being able to count on society—on anyone else—to be able to help you.

21:30 Shirou, representing the police and government authority to an extent, believing that he “never makes mistakes” again reminds me of the protests we’ve had throughout this year. How the police totally does make mistakes—or rather, the way they don’t even view things they’ve done as mistakes—is totally a problem. (ACAB)

21:40 Following up on what Grand Grandma mentioned earlier about being “betrayed by men”, Michiru questions why it’s only “women and children” that Shirou is protecting. Is it that men don’t need to be protected? “What makes males so special? Are men really that great?”

21:55 And Michiru outright says what she had only implied earlier. Also, she seems a bit scattered between being angry at men, being angry at beastmen, being angry at the police, bring angry at society, and being angry in general. But I get it.

And that’s the end of the episode. I’m not sure if this is how I’ll continue to do these impressions, but I guess I’ll have to see how I feel about it once I get to episode 3. Maybe I’ll try out some genuine first-impressions, even if it means interrupting the episode constantly.

[teatitty]

Logan and His Weird Brood of Endless Children (A Comprehensive List)

I promised to do it so here it is at last! Logan has had many children over the years (24 at least!) and all in different continuities. For the sake of this list, I’m only including the children that are canonically his own and not the people he only acted as a father/mentor for (so no Jubilee, Rogue, Kitty or Armor). 

Honorary mention goes to Laura’s clones (especially Gabby) because they are technically Logan’s children but were cloned from Laura specifically instead (you’d think they’d be Laura’s kids but they canonically viewed her as their sister. The only one still alive is Gabby Kinney).

So! I’m doing this list in alphabetical order and I am going to include which Continuity they appear in. This is just a brief run-down of their origins and not the full history otherwise we’d be here for years.

1: Amiko Kobayashi (Earth 616)

Amiko’s mother (unnamed) was killed during a giant dragons rampage through Tokyo. Logan promised her dying mother that he would take care of Amiko. He also held her mother through her dying moments. Because he was a full-time X-Man Logan was unable to look after her personally, so he fostered her with his wife Mariko Yashida instead. Amiko lived with Mariko for a few years, seeing Logan on rare occasions, and enjoyed the plush life-style that Clan Yashida gave her. 

She also met Kitty Pryde and went for ice-cream with her, Logan and Mariko. When Mariko was assassinated, no legal plan existed for Amiko’s care (why Marvel couldn’t have her move to the X-Mansion idk) and she ended up in the foster system. Logan thought that was fine, even sending money to help care for her, but discovered that her foster parents had been stealing the money. 

Taking her away from the situation, he gave guardianship over to Yukio. Honestly Amiko got kidnapped a lot to be used against him but at least she’s still alive! She has limited martial arts and, due to her lineage, it is possible that she could develop mystical abilities though nothing has been confirmed for her.

2: Avery Connor (Earth 616)

After Logan’s skeleton was bonded to adamantium, one Dr David Connor took some of Logan’s genetic material and implanted it into the child his wife, Veronica Connor, was pregnant with (okay. Creepy.) The result of this was Avery Connor, specifically “designed” so that her powers would manifest when she hit maturity (yikes) with the hope that she would be stronger then Wolverine. By age 14 she was able to recover from a gunshot wound to the chest in about a minute. She only appeared in the 3 issue novel “Elektra and Wolverine: The Redeemer” which you can find on Comicpunch.net if you want to know her full story.

3: Brian and Mari Logan (Earth 1298)

These two are put together because they’re twins! They appear in the very last arc of Mutant X (#28 onwards). During this time, Logan is believed to be dead but is, in fact, alive and currently only has fragmented memories (basic Logan stuff really.) Instinct drives him to the house he shared with his wife, Mariko Yashida (the twins’ mom). While there, he runs into Mari who asks him if he’s her dad, because “mommy said that daddy went to heaven but Brian says he’s going to come back to us someday.”

Creed kidnaps the family, Logan tracks them down and has a heartfelt proper reunion with them, even hugging Brian. Pretty much the only thing Logan cares about during this last arc is getting his family to safety which is, you know, fair enough tbh.

4: Cameron Pryde (Earth 25158)

Cameron is the son of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. He was born shortly before the mutant control act, which led to all surviving mutants being locked up in camps (oof.) When Kitty was taken away by sentinels, Logan took Cameron to safety and raised him as his own son, training Cameron to be a hunter in the wilds of the Sentinel Territories. Cameron was 17 when he met Kitty and his younger sister, Christina, whom ended up killing him.

5: Daken Akihiro (Earth 616)

Daken is probably the most famous of all Logan’s children, right next to Laura. Putting a trigger warning here for bullying and one suicide.

Daken is the son of Logan and Itsu. In 1946, during the last moments of her pregnancy, Itsu was murdered by Winter Soldier (yea) in an attempt to lure out Logan and return him to Madripoor. Romulus cut Daken from her womb, which Daken survived due to his healing factor. Daken was left on the doorstep of Akihira and Natsumi, who took his arrival as an answer to their prayers and raised him as their own. He was given the name “Akihiro” but the servants and other families secretly called him “Daken” (bastard dog), a slur about his mixed heritage.

This harsh treatment caused him to develop a cold persona to everyone but Akihira. One night, Natsumi confessed to Akihira that she was pregnant and didn’t actually love Akihiro. Daken overheard this, and within a year of Junichiro’s birth (sometime in 1957 so Daken was 10-11), he confronted Natsumi and said he’d killed her son (this was true). Akihira disowned him, Daken said his real name wasn’t “Akihiro” and then Natsumi tried to run him through with a bayonet on the end of a rifle. This triggered Daken’s mutant powers, and he ended up accidentally slashing her down. Akihira committed suicide.

Romulus appeared and told Daken that he was what Daken would someday become. Romulus sent him to a training camp in Canada, the same one Logan had been trained in 40 years prior. Other stuff happens here but basically Romulus ends up telling Daken that Logan is his father and lies to his face, saying that Logan was the one who killed Itsu with Daken still inside her, which is why Daken hates Logan’s guts. In the following years, Romulus nurtured this hatred.

You can’t see it in the image above but Daken does have a third claw on the underside of each wrist.

6: Erista (Earth 616)

Literally Erista only appears once. His mom is Gahck of the Savage Lands Fire Tribe and the only time we see him is when Logan is leaving said Savage Lands.

7: Hudson Logan (Earth 982)

Hudson is Rina’s half-brother and was a member of the Revengers, who attacked the Avengers on more then one occasion. However, he switched sides to fight against Galactus and then asked to be an official Avenger. Though suspicious of his motives, they let him join as they needed help fighting Sylene, Loki’s daughter.

8: Hulk Jr/Bruce Banner Jr (Earth 807128)

Baby Banner was the newest addition to the Hulk Gang, and Bruce’s favourite among them. When Logan killed the entire gang (you’ll find out why in a little while), he felt it was poetic justice that Hulk Jr be the first member of his new team of heroes to help retake the country.

500 years into the future, Hulk Jr helped defeat Galactus, using him as a power source for a time machine. He and his team ended up on Earth 616 and the F4 convinced them all to go live on Nu-World instead. The last we see of him is on a rebuilt Galactus engine heading to a new world.

9: Jade and Scotty Logan (Earth 807128)

Jade and Scotty were born 50 years into the future, to Logan and Maureen. Logan owed the Hulk Gang rent money and went off to collect it. He returned 2 weeks early only to find that his family had been killed because the Hulk’s “got bored.”

10: James “Jimmy” Hudson Jr (Earth 1610)

James’ mom is Magda, who you will probably know as Magneto’s wife and the mother of Wanda and Pietro. Logan entrusted Jimmy to his war friend, James Hudson. His last name was changed from “Howlett” to “Hudson” to make the adoption official, and his mutant origins would be kept a secret until his highschool days. Jimmy grew up to be like Logan, with a taste for red-haired women (okay Marvel, sure), a reckless lifestyle and a feral personality. 

Unfortunately, Logan died before Jimmy could ever meet him. When Jimmy was drag-racing at 17 his car crashed and this is when he discovered he had a healing factor. His gf was disgusted by it and left him (ouch) and the next day he got a visit from Kitty Pryde. She told him he was Wolverine’s son, and gave him some of Logan’s old things, including his canadian dog tag (and a lock of Jean’s hair because god forbid Marvel let that go). 

A holographic message from Logan told Jimmy “you’re my son, dont ask about your mother, don’t focus on the past, be thankful the Hudsons raised you and learn to live with the choices you make” (paraphrasing of course). His last message to Jimmy was that he never regretted having a son. 

With Kitty’s encouragment, Jimmy found he had inherited Logan’s claws and formed a metallic coating over them. He would then seek out Jean, who helped him recruit other mutants.

He ended up bonded to a Symbiote eventually and now he goes by the alias Poison. Also he got rid of that dope beard and went with mutton-chops instead which, like, worst decision by far they hella look ugly on him.

11: Kendall Logan (Earth 9811)

Kendall’s mom is Ororo! She also has an unnamed baby brother! Kendall can manipulate the weather like Ororo and possesses a healing factor like Logan. She also has her father’s temper but her mother’s good attitude. She’s highly trained as a fighter and is as stealthy as an assassin. She was born in a universe where the Secret Wars never left Battleworld.

Due to various circumstances, Kendall and a bunch of other mutant kids ended up on an alternate earth where Sentinels ruled America. The kids then decided to stay here and wipe out the Sentinels.

12: Kirika Yashida (Earth 295)

In this reality, Logan and Mariko had a romance before the ascension of apocalypse. This romance led to the birth of Kirika. Logan was unaware of her birth and, after Japan’s destruction, joined the X-Men. Mariko joined the Human High Council and Kirika ended up the property of Sinister though how this happened is never stated. Magneto found her in a containment marked “X-23″ and was surprised when she unsheated her claws. 

Kirika ended up being trained by Magneto and was tasked with bringing her father back to America with her. Important note, but on this earth Logan is still going by “Weapon X”. A bunch of other shit happens, and Kirika ends up being killed by Weapon X with 616 Logan mourning her death as he holds her charred remains, right before he went feral and attacked his 295 counterpart.

13: Kouen (Earth 13119)

A teenage clone of Logan, Kouen was created by an unknown organization, who ordered him to kill Logan, who they believed was the missing link they needed to create the “perfect race.” Instead of doing that, however, Kouen chose to help Logan rather than kill him.

14: Laura Kinney (Earth 616 and Evolution/Earth 11052)

The second most well-known of Logan’s children! Her comic origins are a bit more convoluted then her origins in Evolution so I’ll talk about both. Personally, I prefer her origins in Evolution but, ya know. Prefences and all. 

I’m going to talk about her comic/616 origins first because it’s. A lot to get through and condense.

When Facility (yes that’s what the organization is called) failed to find a subject capable of surviving the bonding process of adamantium to bones (because they wanted to recreate the Weapon X program that made Logan), mutant geneticist Sarah Kinney was brought in to create a clone.

After 22 failed attempts of cloning, because they couldn’t find a Y Chromosome in the only bit of damaged genetic coding they had of Logan’s, Sarah proposed they make a female clone instead. Initially rejected, Sarah went and did it anyway, using her own genetic material to complete Logan’s. Dr Sutter was impressed but Dr Zander Rice claimed insubordination and forced Sarah to be the surrogate.

Laura spends 7 years training in the facility while Sarah tries to ensure that Laura retain some semblance of humanity. Rice had her subjected to radiation poisoning to acclerate her mutant gene growth and bonded her claws to adamantium. 

Other shit happens, she ends up being harshly trained (and punished) by Kimura, then 3 years later she got her first mission, was punished for not returning with Rice, ended up ordered to kill Sutter and his family and then she managed to kill Rice. Unfortunately Rice exposed her to “trigger scent” which sent her into a rage that killed Sarah. In her dying words, Sarah names her “Laura.”

Other stuff happens but I’m skipping it so fast-forward and Laura tracks Logan down to the x-mansion where she beats him in a fight. She tells him who she is, he says he already knows cuz he got a letter from Sarah telling him the whole story (??? okay sure) but before they can have a proper talk Steve Rogers arrests her. 

She gets interrogated by Steve and Matt Murdoch. Matt claims she’s innocent given her backstory, but Steve wants her to atone for her murders. Ultimately, Steve frees her so she doesn’t get exploited by SHIELD as a weapon.

Laura joins the X-Men and immediately gets protective over Logan, even following him on missions.

Now for Evolution/11052 canon which is way fucking easier to get through! 

Logan learns through SHIELD that Dr Deborah Risman, working for HYDRA, managed to create a female clone of him after 22 failed attempts. Her only codename was X-23. (She doesn’t get the name Laura in the cartoon but that might be cuz it was cancelled before the last season.)

Denied a normal childhood, X23 was lonely (seriously you actually see her hugging teddy bears in Kitty’s room and getting jealous over how happy the X-Men teens are). She’d never had a companion, spending most of her time honing her skills under observation.

She breaks into the X-Mansion, defeating the other X-Men, and eventually confronts Logan. Logan refuses to fight back against her, spending his time trying to talk to her instead. X23 lashes out, screaming “everything I am is because of you!”

Logan eventually catches her wrists, telling her he’s the one person who understands what she went through, and admits he had no idea about what they did to her. When X23 breaks down in his arms, Logan hugs her back, saying he’s the closest thing she has to family.

When SHIELD shows up to take her in, Logan tells her to run for it. Laura hesitates, not wanting to leave him (you can tell by her face) but Logan repeats the order. She leaves and Logan tells Fury to leave her alone because she’s been through enough.

(Also fun note, the reason Laura is white in the comics and not brown is bc they wanted her to look “more like Logan” apparently).

15: Mongrels (Earth 616)

Led by Gunhawk (William Downing, one with the bandana), the Mongrels team consists of Fire Knives (redhead girl), Shadowstalker (purple girl), Cannon Foot (the big boy) and Saw Fist (green mask), all children of Logan’s from various different mothers. Put together by The Red Right Hand, these mercs all have a hatred for Logan though it’s never explained why, and wanted to cause him as much pain as possible. During their final fight with him, Logan manages to kill them all but is devastated to learn they were, in fact, his children. 

He ends up burying them with their respective mothers.

16: Raze Darkholme (Earth 13729)

Raze’s mom is Mystique, whom he killed and replaced some time in the future. His claws are really short and he uses shapeshifting to make them longer (lol). His shape-shifting is supposedly stronger then Mystique’s. The first time we see him, he’s impersonating Kitty Pryde in order to get close to Logan and strike him down. 

Raze has an older half-brother, whose father is Xavier (yes really). Raze wants to kill the entire human population, and bring all persecuted mutants from the multiverse into one place to create a mutant paradise. This plan is ultimately stopped by an alt earth’s Phoenix.

17: Reine du Rien (Earth 616)

Reine (pronounced “ren”) is a french sorceress and I think she’s also half-romani. She has Logan’s healing factor and claws, which glow a faint blue, and her clans magic. Her mother, Sylvie, had a one-night stand with Logan in the 60′s specifically to create Reine so that their clan would have an immortal child capable of killing a demon called “Truth” so they wouldn’t have to rely on Logan anymore.

As per usual, Logan didn’t know about her. In 1989 Logan tracked down her hometown but was told to fuck off by her aunt because he wasn’t needed anymore. Unfortunately, he caught Reine’s scent and, not one to let things go, kept trying to talk to her whenever he happened to see her. In 2008, Reine finally confirmed she was his daughter and said her clan didn’t think she needed a name, but began calling her Reine which meant “nothing.” (Oof.)

After explaining that it wasn’t her he was trying to hunt, but Truth, Logan and Reine crossed their claws and promised to kill Truth together, thus setting them both free.

18: Rina Logan (Earth 982)

So! Rina’s mother is Elektra! She’s a skilled martial artist and gymnast. Her claws are made of psychic energy! She used to get bullied at school for being the child of an immigrant and unemployed biker, but then opinion changed when everyone saw Logan pick her up from school and learned that her mom was a wealthy martial arts master (lol get fucked). Rina is canonically a daddy’s girl, and a lot of heroes give her a wide berth because she’s considered as dangerous as Logan is. 

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

“Winter’s Gem” (Sneakpeak) (Bucky Barnes AU SERIES)

Summary: Bucky Barnes has been scouted by your boss in Felicity Night, you were just a mere young, cleaner in Felicity night and have been living in the basement of the club for all your life. He's the most wanted Gigolo in the city, and taking him away from eager, thirsty women seemed to be impossible especially if he chose to be a Gigolo as his way of living.

Warning: There are NSFW parts in this AU, Kinda angsty, Parent to child type of physical abuse, 10-15 years of age gap but not entirely the type of age gaps that can be considered creepy, kinda slow burn. As of the moment, this chapter has curse words and mentions of sex.

Words: 2,681

A/N: This plot wasn't really exactly for Bucky to be honest. This has been in my drafts in Wattpad and I decided to just make it a Bucky Barnes AU instead. Let me know what y'all think, Tater tots! THIS IS A SERIES.

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits aren't mine. Only the edits and the entire AU of course. 😊

Dedicated to: @anxiousamandapanda​ - Yo, buddy! I dedicate this to ya’ because you have been my first friend in here! Love ya! 

It was evening where the sun finally sets whereas criminality most likely happens every time it reaches dawn. In a positive addition to that was the beautiful time of the day where sexy, ripped men began swaying their glorious and perfectly built topless, sweaty and greasy bodies accompanied with the slow music echoing around the area that comes with their performance.

Groups of aging women were sitting at a wooden round table, eyeing different gorgeous races of strippers like they were their preys while throwing a bunch of cash on stage. They were having at least some fun before their adulterated single-nights end. Their spouses were probably sleeping like a dead man at home or maybe even doing the same thing behind their backs.

The scene where older, depressed, needy, hungry ladies..and even men who were women at heart were pinning their dollars down on a man's underwear. It looked excruciating to some person who isn't used to seeing that. Hungry women were even using their paper bills as a towel, wiping their bills off the stripper's rock hard muscles before slipping it in the waistbands of their underwear. You've been immune to cringing, Not because the stripper named Drax was teasing the ladies that he was about to take his black underwear off, accompanied with his gray waterproof body paint sticking on his skin. The scene in front of you was normal in your daily life and you were totally used to it. You were used to Drax's set anyways.

The sexy bald headed Drax appeared to be enticing a 40 year old dark haired woman who slipped stacks of bills on his waistband. He gave her a slow body wave, taking her hand as he gave her the permission to touch, directing her hand on his very prominent pectorals before gradually sliding them down.

Woman with a dark hair couldn't control the felicity she felt, her facial features telling her group of friends how she was lucky enough to get a touch of his sweaty torso...Once her hand was close to his lower abdomen, Drax still holding on to his indescribable, cold features..He quickly backed away from the woman and continued stripping his way towards the pole.

Every woman squealed when Drax took his underwear off. You thought it would only be a tease, turns out he went all the way tonight.

You sighed, ignoring the women disrespectfully walking from where you were just mopping, you continued cleaning the tiled floor. Dipped your mop in the dirty yellow bucket of floating germs. Everybody's footwear were squeaking as they passed by your wet floor that hasn't been dried up yet. These women don't bother reading the warning sign that was blocking their way and you tutted to yourself before you continued to work.

"Oi! You dirty scum! Mop this barf, Will ya'?!" A middle aged woman wearing a displeasing floral and sparkly dress pointed at the splattered barf that was disgustingly laying in front of her foot. She hollered, rudely demanding you to clean the mess that her friend did. The woman even whistled for you to come over like you were a dog that she owned.

You hid a scorn beneath the scowl of your lips. Deliberately walking towards her and rigidly mopping the vomit off the floor. Some barf residues accidentally flew towards her expensive and newly designed looking sandals. 'Oh no.' Before you could even apologize to the woman, her veiny and calloused hand struck your face with a hard, rough slap.

The slap was quite similar to your mother's hand, even though it wasn't actually your mother's.

Your left ribs stung painfully as it suddenly hit an empty table from the strong impact, but you were used to this. You should be. You were used to all the violence that every human can take and give.

"You idiot! You had only one job but what the hell happened?! My Chanel shoes is now ruined! You stupid bitch! You're a worthless cunt!"

You stood up like nothing happened, ignoring the stingy slap that was now lingering your right cheek. You still sent her an apology, but you didn't bother cleaning her shoes. She could get that cleaned up on her own or if she's really a Germophobe then she could just buy another new one.

Rich, arrogant people could have every thing in the world in just a snap of their fingers. You weren't an idiot who would beg on your knees just for her to forgive you. She wasn't worth an apology, a wholehearted apology. It was just an accident, and by the looks of her face? She was far more intoxicated from swaying around like a drunkard and you didn't want to earn another hit even though you were used to the pain of being beaten.

You were quick to carry the pail of dirty water and your mop before going to the bathroom with a stingy red hand print on your face. You didn't mind it at all as you passed by a mirror, completely blocking out those continuous moaning from one of the women's cubicle. Play it cool, Y/N. Play it cool.

The thought of calling Bucky was distracting your mind while you were pouring the pail of gross vomit and dirt in one of the sinks. If you call him, Will he stop whatever he's doing for you? Or who ever he's doing? He told you to call him whenever you needed him or whenever you're lonely, depressed or hurt. You're physically hurt right now. Does it count?

You both only have each other. There's a reason why you were being dependent towards him. Your mother didn't have an ounce of care towards you plus your father was probably dead anyways. You found the warmth that you wanted and needed from him. Only him, only from Bucky.

You brought the mop back to its proper place, at the farthest end of the bathroom before dialing your speed call. He told you to do it, so you could call him urgently when you're in danger and you quickly did since you always do listen to what he says.

"Oh my God!" You heard a voice of a woman who was moaning in pleasure. Your face contorted in discomfort, resulting to a cringe that probably looked hilarious on another person's point of view. The moans you've heard that was coming from that certain woman in one of the cubicles finally came to halt, was she pleasuring herself? you couldn't hear any moans besides hers.

You were planning on barging in and singing 'Gorilla' on her face since she was being too noisy for her own good. Oh, The man that she's with got himself an old screamer, if there was even a man with her, you were lost in your train of thoughts.

She was loudly pounding the locked up door while she was being fucked, and you were fighting off a loud laugh as to how this woman was reacting to sex. It was like she had the greatest 'fondue' for her entire life..or it's maybe because the sex was too good for her to handle?

You quietly chuckled it off, shaking your head in disbelief as you brought your phone to your ear, the phone rang and you were eager and excited to hear his voice. You're tapping your finger on the marbled sink, your reflection distracting you from your reverie. Your lips turned into a frown, loud insults of yourself kept on barging inside of your head. All you can see was a flawed, hideous ugly woman dressed in plain blue jeans with a plain black shirt that wasn't fitted for you. Obviously, It wasn't your size and the shirt was definitely not yours because it was from Bucky.

Those scars that were evident on your face were the proofs from your tough battles. Those are the memories from your horrible past that you overcame, and you were proud to have it since Bucky told you that it simply shows how strong of a woman you are in life. Every scar was a downfall. But, Those downfalls were brought to the top by him. Only him. To make it short, he was simply the strength to your weaknesses.

It rang for the fifth time and you were cringing at the thought that maybe he's 'busy' with his latest customer. You were about to end the call, until the man that you were dying to hear from finally answered.

"You okay, Doll?" He rasped quietly, voice laced with worry and care.

Bucky was always quick to ask that question every time he answers the phone. Your heart flattered as you could hear how worried he is, and you couldn't help but truthfully answer him back with a smile on your face.

"No. I miss you..Can you be with me right now?"

"Of course. I'll be there in a jiffy, Doll. Just give me a second,"

A grin formed on your face and it couldn't help but make your heart flutter in the most extreme. Your index finger traveled up the mirror as you touched it, noting how dirty it already was. You reminded yourself that you needed to clean the bathroom when the club closes.

You smiled alone, daydreaming about Bucky..Whenever you needed someone, he has always been there to save you. Always.

"Do you even know where I am, Bucky?"

"That's why I was asking you, Y/N. Tell me where you are and I'll be there quick--you're going? That fast? That was just a quickie!"

You heard the love of your life spoke as a woman's voice piped in from the other line of the call before it ended in a echo, you couldn't help but feel the familiar pain inside your heart as you knew that you were sharing him with other married, divorced, horny, and needy women that were obviously older and richer than you.

Your mind does always question your heart if you could still handle the pain? Can you? Are you strong enough to handle the pain when you're still fragile enough to break in just one touch?

He's your everything. He's the reason you stay alive.

You're wholly his, His heart is yours. But, his body..his body wasn't only for yourself.

Mind, Heart, Body and Soul. Those four constituents were partners in crime with love. You have his mind and heart, yet his body isn't yours. You share it with other hungry hunters that ought to have a taste. Now, you understood how lions and tigers were fast in hunting their preys since it would be unsatisfying if their prey was to be snatched by another.

And his soul? His soul was signed by the devil.

But, you didn't care. You always tell yourself that you didn't care. Bucky was still yours to love.

You heard the creak of a cubicle door as your eyes lit up from staring at the sink. Seeing a woman in her 40's came out with a disheveled hair, an obvious tight Botox that outdid her face and a tight, red dress that was up to her thighs as it was hung a little. The woman didn't look like she was in her 40's. She looked ten years younger. You were too good at realizing her age in just one look of her tight pretty, rich face.

She was grinning and smiling, looking like she was in her own precious little bubble. The smile was showing how she loved every bit of what happened and you couldn't help but shake your head in disappointment. You remembered that this woman had a husband since you saw her in a mall the other day, walking arm in arm together with her bald, big belly of a husband that looked rich as hell.

Her smile faded into a frown as a sudden realization hit her.

"I payed for you! For a night! The whole night! Not just for a quick fuck in the bathroom!"

"Well, Ma'am.. Your payment is not enough to have my whole night. You know I cost higher than any other gigolos out here! Why don't you just come back some other time,"

The woman's eyes sparkled in joy and you finally turned your back to see her face to face. You were a noticeable eavesdropper at the moment. Your eyebrows were furrowed, you knew that voice. The man she was having some intense and intimate moment had his broad, ripped back at you. You had a feeling it was Steve or Sam But, deep inside..you knew you're trying to act oblivious and stupid as a painful sight before you was beginning to unfold.

"Will you be here tomorrow?"

"No. Find another available fucker. I don't spend the night on another woman's bed.." He shook his head in disdain, appearing to fumble with the zipper of his slacks. "Not anymore,"

"But, I only want you!"

"I don't care who you want, need, or anything your lust says, Mrs. Williams. I'm not available, nor will you have the chance to have me again. Do I make myself clear?" The man in a black crisp suit snapped and surly sneered. He spun around, deciding to leave the aging, absent-minded woman alone. But he stopped and stared. The dazzling blue eyes that you've manage to love waking up to every morning lost its hostility, quickly changing to a loving but stupefied look.

"Sugar?"

You were lying to yourself. You knew it wasn't Steve nor Sam or any other gigolo. That man's voice only belonged to the man you gave your heart, mind, body and soul.

It was your Bucky.

The man who owns you. But, sold his body to women who wanted him.

You wanted to be selfish, but you can't. You couldn't. It was his way of living and you have no choice but to accept that.

You didn't even know if you could still handle the love of your life in being the most requested Gigolo in this club that both you and your mother works in. You were no sugar mama, so you couldn't help him pay what he needed and wanted in life. You were only a mere janitor living in the basements of the club you were in.

What you've tasted, these hungry pussies have already tasted it too. What you touch, hug, kiss and adore..

Well, you bet they already did everything with him too.

Nevertheless, you weren't one who won't be putting up a fight to let them know who he rightfully belongs to because you would and you will.

He was yours and yours alone. You already had that scribbled upon your grave.

This is just a sneakpeak or like an introduction to the series. IF YA WANNA BE INCLUDED IN THE TAGLIST, SEND ME AN ASK. Or just turn on the notification button for my blog so y’all will see every update I post. This can be quite a rollercoaster ride, alright? Hehehe!

XOXO, TATA

[lady-olive-oil]

So Into You: Chapter 1

A/N: Hey hey hey! Let’s do this y’all! Welcome to the first chapter of So Into You. I’ll be on vacation soon so, this chapter is being uploaded, along with chapter 6 of Work Out. Which I’ll post tomorrow. If you’d to be tagged in future chapters, let me know!!

Warnings: None, except for sexual imagery

Word Count: 2k+ [this is a good one]

Choxie Squad: @maddiestundentwritergaines || @crushed-pink-petals || @themyscxiras || @honeychicana || @dc41896 || @stillevansbae || @areubeingserved || @swirlevans || @4ftwonder || @bugngiz || @mangos4u

_______________

“Chris! Slow your dumb-ass down!”

“Rude! Make me!”

“You gon’ learn today!”

What does it look like for two grown ass adults, running to get to the Cars Land ride in peace? Like a bunch of giddy kids. But who could blame us? We barely get time to hangout with each other anyway, so why not relax at Disneyland and possibly Universal?

A few people stopped us to take pictures, and even though Chris is a bigger star, I got a few fans to ask me for pictures. It made me feel great inside and out, to know that my work has made waves with the world. I must be doing something right. Plus, having a nearly 40 heat old best friend who's willing to act like a child with you is always fun.

“What am I gonna learn Ro? How to do a victory dance, after beating you at Toy Story Mania? Cause I won, twice.” He booped my nose, causing me scrunch it a bit.

I arched a brow and grabbed his hand playfully. “One: you cheated. Two; don't touch my nose. You don’t get to touch me besides a hug. Don’t need helicopter parent Delilah, tryin to check me again. Remember last time?” 

“Yeah I apologize for that. It wasn’t right for her to show up at your birthday dinner, unannounced and caused a scene. I still owe you for that one.”

“Yeah you do. Disney Land will suffice for now. You also owe me dinner from way back when.” Nudging him a bit, before we got in line for the ride, we took a few more pictures with a few folks and chatted.

The birthday dinner fiasco was a disaster. Delilah showed up at Nobu, uninvited, to my birthday dinner hosted by the cast and crew of Avengers: Infinity War. Causing a scene as to why he didn’t tell her where he went, and why didn’t he invite her. He had her apologize to me for being rude and disruptive. I only accepted it because she’s Chris’ girl, but deep down, I felt disregarded.

She didn’t care who saw, she just wanted to let folks know that she was there. I never hated my birthday anymore than I did that day. The next day however, Chris Door Dashed me some food over. It did make it a bit better, but I’m still not he fence about her. She had no regard for privacy or human decency.

Chris rugged on my hand, causing me to get out of my trance. “Come on Ro, It’s our turn. What’s on ya mind? You got that look on your face.”

Helping me into the car, I let out an exaggerated sigh. 

“My bad. Just uh, Going down memory lane about the party last year. History isn’t going to repeat itself is it?”

“Roxanne. I promise it won’t, she won’t come near you as long as I’m around.”

With a reassuring nod, I focused back on track as the car zoomed along, with the sounds of Rascal Flats to bring up the momentum.

“Life is a highway! I wanna ride it all night long. If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long.” The inner kids in Chris and I couldn’t resist the sing-a-long. 

Glancing over at him got me thinking. Seeing how happy he was and just enjoying himself, it made me realize I was doing something right by being his friend. I wasn’t going anywhere, yet I kept thinking he’d choose her every time.

After getting off the ride we decided to head to downtown Disney. I was craving pizza so why not.

Given the circumstances of our friendship, he doesn’t know I’ve liked him for years. All this pent up lust for a 30 something year old black woman, ain’t right by any means. To be completely honest, I’ve been in love with my best friend since we were kids. 

Cliche I know, but something about him made me realize that just having him be my best friend isn’t enough for me. My girlfriends know about how I feel; even their boyfriends know. 

How do you tell your best friend, of over thirty years, that you have dreams about then every night? How you picture them in your head, when you’re having sex with other men? You can’t just say that out loud. That’s why I’ve been blocking it out by dating other folks.

I dream of kissing down his chest, leaving hickies along in my wake. Grabbing onto his sculpted hips for leverage, licking his neck teasingly. He's a sight to behold, a true masterpiece of fine art. See what I mean by the dreams being too elaborate? Boy is it harder than I thought.

Chris’ POV:

Taking in the surroundings as much as I could, I backtracked to the day of the party. It was a mess, Delilah was causing an unnecessary scene and essentially made Roxie cry because she had wine poured on her head.

She didn’t talk about that part much. Having red Merlot in your hair was never a good thing, unless it’s New Years. At that point Delilah and I took a break because my friendship with Roxie meant more to me than anything. 

Granted, all my past relationships I’ve had all loved Roxie. Thrilled to have her around, but yet Delilah is pushing her away from me. Being demanding and telling me that I can’t spend time with Roxie anymore, even though we work together and that’s just enough.

It didn’t make sense to me at all. Hence the current “break” we’re on now. She doesn’t understand boundaries at all. 

Not gonna lie, I have been feeling something lately but I can’t describe it quite right. I don’t know whether it’s infatuation or love for my best friend. If it’s the latter, then I think it’s time I accept it. It’s been a long time coming anyway. 

Smiling at a few fans along the way, taking pictures again, made everything relax a bit. I even checked my phone to see if anything happened, while I enjoyed being a kid again with Roxie. Just notifications and love from our fans about our day, then something caught my attention. 

Delilah, had sounded off my find my iPhone alert and I didn’t notice till now. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

I had to get it together. Couldn’t have another birthday fiasco. I took the liberty of ordering a large pepperoni pizza, with bacon and jalapenos for us. I noticed the happy smile on Roxie’s face. One of many great things I loved about her. 

‘Oh shit, I really got it bad.’ I thought to myself, once I shook my head and focused.

“What are you so smiley about over there, pretty lady?”

She took a bite of her slice, doing a little dance in the process. “Food. Ya feeding me today, that’s why.”

“I always found a way to your heart huh? Through food mostly.”

“True. But for the most part, keeping you happy is the fun part of our friendship. I need to make sure you’re ok at all times Evans. Vice versa, cause no guys have been right for me anyway.” This time she bopped me on my nose.

The actin along made me scrunch up my face in playful annoyance, earning a chuckle from hr. It eased my stress levels a bit until, I heard that one fatal voice, that shattered the glass of the house of my concentration.

“Hi baby. I didn’t know you’d be here.” Delilah places a kiss upon my cheek, and waves a bit towards Roxie. That’s weird, she never waved at her. She did know I was here, I didn’t find out she used the alert till after I turned my location back on.

“Uh Yeah. I didn’t think I you’d want to seeing as though were on break currently.” With a slight shrug, I noticed the twinge in her forehead. Roxie kept eating her pizza enjoying the show.

The pet names started, along with her petting my head as she sat on my lap without my consent. “I’m still your girlfriend actually, even if we are on break. I care about you boo.” 

The subtle eye rolls, a fake gagging, from Roxie was priceless. I slid her off my lap and she sat next to me. The two women had a stare off till one of them cracked.

“Have something to say Roxie?” 

“It’s Alexander or Roxanne to you. And no I don’t, because if I did that would require me to nice. Which we both know there’s no way in hell you're capable of doing so.” Stuffing the pizza crust into her mouth, she got up and headed to the front register. I’m assuming for dessert.

The gasp that emitted from Delilah’s lips was comical. “She shouldn't get to talk to me like that. I’m your girlfriend Christopher  not her.”

I had to set her straight, so looked her dead in her eyes. “Here we go again. Delilah, we’ve been on and off for how long? Few months. Dating for close to a year now, I suppose? You have to respect that she’s going to be around forever.”

“I don’t like it, at all. But for you I’ll do anything for you because I love you.”

That phrase was foreign to me hearing from others, besides my friends; family and Roxie. Part of me wanted to hear her say it for real. The dreams I have of her late at night don't help either.

I dream about kissing her neck as gently as possible, holding her close to me. Like she’s a fragile art piece that’s only meant to be observed. I really need to get it together, this has gone maddening.

“Love ya too, Delilah. Now we can talk tomorrow if ya want, I still want to hang with my best friend.” Accepting the Captain America theme cupcake from Roxie, she chilled right back next me with her Black Panther cupcake.

To smite Roxie, she kissed me hard and then walked away with a sway in her hips. “See ya baby boy.”

“Will she ever learn that she gotta have an ass to sway her hips?” Roxie chuckled a little, causing me to join in.

 Using the Steve Rogers pleading look, I had to do it. “I shouldn’t be laughing but I am. Don’t be mean please, I want this to work out. Please?”

“Fine. I’ll try, for you. ‘Boo.’” Now she felt like mocking, flipping her hair off her shoulder and batting her eyelashes. She’ll be the death of me.

“You are so wrong. Let’s go catch the fireworks before it gets too dark. Got an early day tomorrow.”

“That we do. You owe me a piggyback ride too.” Making sure we had everything she, threw the empty pizza pan anyway and hopped on my back as we journeyed back to Snow Whites castle.

“We also could have gone to the parking garage too.”

“What’s the fun I that? The castle is where we’ll get the best pictures in.”

Setting her down on the ground to lean against the railing to get a good view, we may have bought a few light up toys.

“Ok facts.” The fireworks illuminated her face like a stain glass window in a cathedral. One of the most breathtaking sights I’ve ever seen. 

As the show went on, something pulled us closer. Not sure what was going on but, our pinky fingers locked. The drive to her house was long but fulfilling. The day couldn't have gotten any better.

“Rox, you’re home now sweetheart. Imma head out too.” I sat her in her bed and pulled the covers up over her, till she grabbed my arm.

She mumbled gently, loud enough so I could hear. Even with the fan on. “Stay, please? You got clothes here anyway.” 

Smiling gently with a nod, I slipped in next to her and cuddle her like I always did. I wish my desires weren’t screaming at me in my head to go for it. Yet her sad excuse of boyfriend isn’t competition to me.

He’s the least of my worries.

[droughtofapathy]

Hadestown Song-By-Song:

Notes: Hadestown is still in previews so things are still changing even now. We won’t have a definitive show until opening night. Even from the first preview to the second there were still changes. But yeah, this show now owns every single dollar I have. Other Broadway shows? What’s that?  

Now buckle in, because this is long and I’m just going to give it to you.

Road To Hell I:

·       We open on this gorgeous set that’s something akin to an old French balcony café (it’s the green door and iron staircase that really does it) and 1920s speakeasy. The band is onstage and nearly every one of them are the same people from the NYTW days. They have fantastic costumes too. No basic black here.

·       The cast casually enters the stage and the applause was deafening both nights. There are five ensemble members and they are all so fucking ripped. Both women in the chorus can probably kill me and that’s totally okay.

·       Also, on the first preview night the opening applause lasted 40 fucking seconds. Yes, I timed it. It was amazing, Amber was tearing up, I was almost crying. What a great start. Then, after a long silence, the applause started up again for another fifteen seconds or so.

·       Such great opening trombone.

·       So there’s been a bunch of significant lyric changes to this song. Hermes now gives the characters, including the “hardest working chorus in the goddamn world”, an official introduction. And there was uproarious applause for every single person.

·       When Hermes calls the Fates old women they all simultaneously turn and give him the most attitude-laced look I’ve ever seen. Yes.

·       Side note: the Tony Awards needs to create a category for best ensemble because these people are fantastic.

·       Persephone has a wicker fan and bag and yeah I’m liking this costume more and more.

·       They changed Orpheus’s characterization. He’s much less suave and cool now, and definitely reads on the spectrum. It fits Reeve better, I think. Now Orpheus is a gentle, good-natured bumbling sweetheart who is said to be “a little touched.”

·       Eurydice is a firecracker. A jaded bitter little ball of attitude. Eva Noblezada is perfect.

Any Way the Wind Blows:

·       I love the original lyrics to this song because it felt like a fantastic prologue. But now it’s more story-centered, and I love it. Eurydice and the Fates (and the Fates have the most beautiful harmonies I’ve heard in a long time).

·       The Fates truly are the ones singing in the back of our minds. I love them. They could snap my life thread whenever they want.

·       This song establishes more of why Eurydice is so bitter and used to being alone. She’s been fucked over by the weather and by people so much that she’s just fed up.

·       Also, the Fates used to be three voice parts (I assume. I’m not an expert at all in this): soprano, mezzo, and alto. But now all three are much lower. I’d have to guess it’s a low mezzo, alto, and contralto because Jewelle Blackman’s voice transcends humanity. It is beautiful and impossible. Like, I know I advocate for Grace McLean as Hades one day, but like…Jewelle Blackman as Hades would be everything I’ve ever wanted.

·       Orpheus takes a piece of paper and makes it into a flower, and in the first preview there’s a long moment of silence, but in the second preview Hermes narrates over it so it’s not a big long awkward silence.

·       Also all the Fates are women of color in this production and I am in love.

Come Home With Me:

·       So Hermes warns Orpheus not to come on to strong, and what is the first thing this idiot boy asks? Come home with me. And it’s fucking hilarious. Especially since he immediately follows up with how he’s going to marry her. Like, boy, calm down.

·       Eurydice is decidedly unimpressed and borderline belligerent because she’s had enough of liars and players.

·       When Orpheus says how his song will make spring come again, the chorus says the same thing and has a fantastic harmony.

·       The plot now has Spring or Fall as something no one’s seen in a long time. It just goes from Winter to Summer because Hades keeps Persephone in the Underworld longer and longer.

·       When Eurydice asks “what else you got?” it’s not passive. She’s mocking and aggressive and I love it.

Wedding Song:

·       That mocking tone continues in her first verse in this song. She’s like, ‘you think you can change shit? Fucking prove it, bitch.’

·       And Orpheus is an awkward noodle who sounds so earnest. In the NYTW version (especially since these songs were cut on the recording, but bless bootlegs) I don’t think we see much of how Orpheus gets Eurydice to fall in love with him. Here her journey is so much more clear. She starts out so skeptical, and goads him into singing his song to impress her.

·       The La La La etc. part is now a huge motif. Orpheus sings this angelic medley and literally conjures up a red flower, and that’s how Eurydice starts to fall. She’s just in such awe that a voice could bring something to live.

·       Now they’re singing together and it’s really quite cute. Eurydice is totally on board with this romance now.

Epic I:

·       The La La La is a melody from long ago. And it comes back in a big way. Spoiler: it’s the song Hades sang to Persephone in the garden.

·       Big lyric changes here. The Epics all have gone through major revisions and I’m not sure how to feel. Like this Epic is fine because it’s still in the works, but later…well, I’ll get to it.

Livin’ It Up On Top:

·       We’ve now got an anticipation first verse about how everyone’s waiting on Persephone and Spring.

·       And Amber just prances down the staircase in a huge fur coat. What a voice. So know how NYTW Persephone is very distinguished? Now she’s a disaster goddess who literally sings about how she’s just “doin’ the best she can.” Which is great.

·       Mentions of Demeter. Yes.

·       She’s got two bottles of wine and a circular flask and is perpetually adorably tipsy while up on top.

·       Great dance break by the ensemble here. Brian Drye on the trombone comes to the center of the stage to play, and it’s a fantastic moment.

·       Orpheus’s toast is awkward and earnest. Which is his entire personality to be honest. But when he says “to the world we dream about and the one we live in now” it’s said without any music accompaniment and it’s such a sobering moment the audience murmurs. Also because the entire cast turns to the audience during that point.

All I’ve Ever Known:

·       Also Persephone, when she’s not singing, spends her time onstage almost constantly just draping herself on a step and watching the action. It’s a lot like what Hélène does in Great Comet, and Amber is so good at looking casually regal.

·       Eurydice has her love epiphany. They both sing, and it’s such a good song. Eva’s delivery is delightfully vulnerable.

·       We see the start of Orpheus’s insecurity about how Eurydice could ever love him, leading later to his paranoia as he exits the Underworld. It establishes more of his doubts because Hades preys on his very insecurities. And it’s some good characterization shit right there.

·       There’s a very suggestive sensual sex thing going on. And Eurydice is a TOP. We all knew it, but now we’re validated.

·       The wind’s never going to change? Think again bitch.

Way Down Hadestown:

·       The whistle sounds and the train comes and you can see the pure dread and horror on Persephone’s face.

·       And the Fates, these bitches, gleefully tell Persephone to pack and even help her get her suitcase. Persephone is not amused. What icons.

·       Okay, so Amber has this amazing choreography here. She’s bent completely in two, and it’s like she has no limbs with the way she fluidly moves. Her spine must be otherworldly. Amber Gray for the Tony.

·       Hermes now has a beaded umbrella and does some fantastic dancing with it. It’s huge. The exact extraness we need.

·       Persephone now sings the “chromium throne” and all those lyrics with such vehement disgust.

·       And here comes Hades. He has fucking those sunglasses. And his “I missed you” line is heavily laced with all of that.

·       When Eurydice sings about how she wonders how it feels to have everything, Hades stares right at her over his sunglasses.

·       When the floor drops down and Hades and Persephone descend into the underworld it is a beautiful and terrifying moment. For the first preview I sat in the mezzanine so I could look down into that pit and it’s great. Persephone looks near tears.

A Gathering Storm:

·       What a great little addition. It establishes how Hades keeps coming sooner and sooner for Persephone and how winter comes faster and fiercer with each passing year.

·       Now Eurydice snaps out of the honeymoon phase, and gets to work. You can see how she becomes more and more impatient with Orpheus as he works on a sing while they starve and freeze to death and doesn’t hear her when she calls at all. Eurydice deserves better, damnit.

·       The Fates are so ominous here.

Epic II

·       More Orpheus song workshop.

·       Okay, so. I think Reeve has come a long way since the bootlegs I’ve listened to. The change in characterization really does him a lot of favors. We see more of his struggle to find the right melody.

·       The Ensemble enters in their workers uniforms and it’s fantastic costuming. They’re all dressed the same regardless of gender. They have their leather overalls and tool belt, everyone’s head is wrapped, and everyone’s chest is bound. There is no gender down here. Everyone is the same and everyone is dead.

Chant:

·       The music turns so fucking ominous. Hades and Persephone are on the middle turntable that elevates while the ensemble chants and surrounds them. And she just stares at these dead souls with a mix of morbid horror and fascination.

·       She’s not fucking impressed with Hades and his desire.

·       Meanwhile, Orpheus is struggling to find his La La La melody.

·       The ensemble moves with perfect synchronization. And the lighting goes all orange and spooky.

·       We see more of Eurydice’s futile efforts to keep herself and Orpheus from starving. And clearly Orpheus doesn’t understand the dangers they’re in. He keeps singing, and Hermes even tries to get him to come back to reality because there’s a storm coming and Eurydice is alone, but he’s just stuck in his song.

·       The storm catches Eurydice. The Fates are the wind, and they gleefully tear her bag and coat from her and leave her with nothing. She calls to Orpheus with such terror but does he hear? Nope.

·       Persephone’s verse now has a nod to the turmoil above and how the earth is in chaos as the oceans rise and temperatures heat up.

·       She descends into the underworld alone, and it’s terrifyingly good how Amber can look that angry and scared and resigned all at once.

·       Also, when Hades sings his final “think if it as my embrace of you” Persephone is now gone, so he’s staring right at Eurydice. And it’s a moment of blocking genius.

Hey, Little Songbird:

·       This song highlights the wonders of Patrick Page’s voice perfectly. It’s basically the same song as NYTW because it was already perfection so why mess with it?

·       And after seeing the terrifying storm Eurydice has just been caught with, it’s so understandable why she’d see this promise of a better life enticing. Orpheus is off doing whatever he does. He hasn’t come to help, he hasn’t heard her scream. But Hades has. We see the conflict in Eurydice. She doesn’t want to leave the man she loves, but the vipers and vultures (the Fates! Looking deliciously diabolical) will kill her. And he has a ticket with her name on it.

When The Chips Are Down:

·       If ever it was possible to experience an auditory orgasm, it would be with these harmonies. Goddamnit this is a good song.

·       This would be a dream role if I had any talent, which I don’t.

·       And yeah, Hades was seductive and convincing, but the Fates are the ones who really get Eurydice to make her choice. Which, if these women wanted me to do anything and tried to convince me by singing like this? Yeah, I’d do it without question because I’m a weak lesbian and they’re so fucking good.

Gone, I’m Gone:

·       Eva sings deep at one point and it’s so good. And down into the underworld she goes.

·       Then the Fates come in and sing right to the audience basically saying ‘you can blame her all you want, but what happens if you’re in her shoes? Yeah, you’d do that too.’

·       The line about having principles when you have a bellyful is so damn poignant.

Wait For It:

·       Orpheus, this idiot, didn’t even know Eurydice was gone. So when Hermes breaks the news to him he’s devastated.

·       And okay. This whole scene is the most visually magnificent thing I’ve seen, possibly in my entire life. There has never been a moment when I’ve been so awestruck by a set change and lighting that my jaw has dropped.

·       So, Orpheus starts his long walk down. And the workers have headlights and are armed with those lights that hang from warehouse ceilings. And let me fucking tell you this whole thing is a theatrical masterpiece.

·       The Fates stand at the gates and ask who Orpheus thinks he is to do this. But he sings and (yeah, Reeve was fine here) but it’s supposed to be such a beautiful song that the ceiling lifts and the walls literally crack open to reveal the Underworld. And holy shit it’s gorgeous. This is the best set change I’ve ever seen.

·       The “ceiling” lifts to reveal the copper pipes and the ominous orange lighting and there’s smoke curling everywhere and holy shit it’s not something that can be described or captured in photo. You need to see this because Bradley King and Rachel Hauck deserve their Tonys right fucking now.

·       The ensemble has their lights and they attach them to cables that come down from the ceiling. They take the lights and in perfect synchronism they swing them like pendulums and they move perfectly like physics was made exactly for this moment. And the harmonies as they do this. Yes.

·       This scene is so visually gorgeous that there was a fucking forty-second round of applause that shattered the house. Oh my god. Just wow.

Why We Build The Wall:

·       Hades is center stage. When the company sings about why they build the wall, it’s sang with such vehement belief in it that it’s terrifying because they’ve _all _been brainwashed by this man to believe it. Even Persephone sings the response with a hopeless sort of defeat. She doesn’t believe a word of this shit but what can she do?

·       What a politically appropriate song. And yes, Anais Mitchell wrote this

·       Eurydice enters. And suddenly there’s this world that promises her freedom and security. As they sing the final line, everyone has their finger up in some sort of salute that really just turns your stomach, and Eurydice sees it and joins in. Only Persephone, though she sings the words, does not make the sign. Everyone looks so proud and gleeful in their freedom but she’s horrified.

·       Then Hades ascends the staircase to his office and Eurydice follows. And Persephone knows what is going to happen but she’s helpless to do anything. And goddamnit the music is ominous.

·       We’re left on such a heavy note, but then Persephone turns to us and asks us the real question: anybody wanna drink? And yeah. We fucking need a drink after that.

·       Also I should mention, Persephone is now in her black costume which is identical to her other green dress in every detail save for the color. Her hair is now tucked up into a snood, and the flowers are now black.

Act II:

 Our Lady of the Underground:

·       Intermission just sort of fades out. The band reenters the stage and starts playing as the audience scrambles back into their seats. And it’s such a great song to open up an act.

·       Persephone mocks her husband “step into my office” and she’s like two sips from drunk off her ass.

·       It’s just her, the band, and Hermes on stage. This is just a song about getting blind drunk to forget the horrors of the world. She’s got her little flask and is chucking that shit all damn day.

·       Side note: when she sings about having the wind right here in a jar she grabs her boob and jiggles it and it’s everything the gays want. Then she while she’s dancing up a storm she decides the best way to hold onto her flask is to tuck it in her bra and she gives the audience this playful coy look when she does it.

·       The moment she sings about seeing the sky it’s so sobering and she’s on the edge of being devastated again, but then comes the crack in the wall and the alcohol and it’s all okay again.

·       And yes, they kept the band introduction and I’m living for it. Everyone is the same from the NYTW days except we lost Jenny Shineman and gained Dana Lyn. But I’m so glad an orchestra is getting their fucking recognition. Deafening applause for everyone of them each night. It’s them who sings the “our lady of the underground” parts.

·       They’ve changed “one at a time boys…” to “tell my husband to take his time” and it’s sung in a way where Persephone is trying to make light of her husband’s infidelity by pretending she’s okay with having this time to fuck around, but like she’s still afraid for the poor soul he’s with.

Way Down Hadestown II:

·       Eurydice enters now dressed like every other worker. And the Fates order her onto the line. Gone is the enticing promise, and now they give a fuck about any illusion.

·       Side note: in the program this and every other song that was once II is now (reprise) and I do not care for that shit at all.

·       She joins the line and starts doing the workers’ movements. But now there’s a thing about how none of the workers will look her in the eye, and she’s a little terrified because they’re all just mindlessly working themselves to death.

·       The Fates gladly inform her how she’s fucked herself over. The lyrics are now: “but why won’t they look at me? It’s like their eyes don’t see.” instead of “there must be some mistake…” and the Fates answer: “they don’t//it’s easier that way//and your eyes will look like that someday.” It’s a scary moment. That Eurydice, so full of vinegar and life, will become a dried husk.

·       She tries to leave, but we visually see how the life begins to drain from her. We see her begin to die.

Flowers:

·       This song is heartbreaking. Eva sings it so wonderfully.

·       When she sings how she opens her mouth and nothing comes out it’s sung with such despair and terror. And the regret when she sings about how she turned away into the shade.

·       She lies down and who should pop up? Orpheus.

Come Home with Me II:

·       In the second preview he enters from the audience aisle. He’s all battered from his long long walk.

·       So, lyrics: Eurydice says “I called your name” Orpheus: “I know” Eurydice: “you heard?” Orpheus: “no…” And what a good addition.

·       This is where the tightening of the show really happens. Orpheus says how he’s going to sing them home again, but there’s no back and forth callback to Come Home With Me I. Instead, Eurydice tells him in a anguished voice that no, he can’t. And he doesn’t get it. And then Hades enters.

Papers:

·       What a guy.

·       Persephone tries to step in but Hades isn’t having it.

·       In a moment of confidence, Orpheus tries to argue, and Eurydice can’t bring herself to tell him what she’s done. How she’s signed her name.

·       And it’s a whole thing. Where he asks if it’s true, but oops. It’s fucking true. And this is where Eurydice says “I did…I do.” Which takes out the double marriage acceptance//signed life away meaning, but still. Okay.

·       Fight scene is so well-choreographed. Reeve is just tossed around like a hackey sack and the ensemble beats his ass. In the first preview he has a visibly bloody lip that stays for most of the show, but in the second preview it’s toned down and I think it was the right move because it looked pretty ridiculous throughout the whole emotional bits.

Nothing Changes:

·       The fighting freezes and the Fates come in to offer their message of ‘give the fuck up cause you ain’t shit’ and wow they just roast this boy. What an ultimate defeatist song.

If It’s True:

·       Orpheus starts out echoing the Fates and their defeatism, but then…

·       Just before he turns to go…the walls have ears. It’s the workers who hear his song in this production. And suddenly their perfect synchronization is broken as they start to wake up and it’s beautiful. It’s their spark of something that gets Orpheus to stop in his tracks.

·       “Brother who are they to say?...Cause the ones who tell the lies…” His entire mood and tune changes. This is a rebellion in the making. Suddenly he turns and asks Hades how the fuck he is to tell the many what is true. It could have been more powerful, I think. And it was better in the second preview.

How Long?:

·       So things were changed in this song. Persephone is now much more angry and accusatory. They took out the lines about ‘looking at other girls now and then’ and instead it’s Persephone getting fucking pissed off and saying how Orpheus and Eurydice have the love they once did.

·       And Hades at one point tells her to basically calm down and have a drink, which is not the fucking right thing to say my man. She responds by saying she’s “had enough” which is an incredible character development moment because thus far we’ve seen her fucking wasted, but she’s also saying how she’s had enough of everything that’s been going on.

·       So when Amber sings “Hades my light” she does the exact same movement she does in Great Comet’s Charming when she sings “oh, how she blushes…” You know, that thing where she bends her knees and extends her arms in presentation. And that is some good shit.

·       The song is now less about an old couple trying to reminisce and shit and now about Persephone being fucking done. There’s some good back and forth here. They’re standing opposite on the stage, with the pit between them and a bit of smoke and it’s great blocking.

·       The question is how long they can stay married like this. And the answer is: not very.”

Chant II:

·       So the platform rises back up and the ensemble workers are surrounding Orpheus asking is it true? They’re no longer mechanically working. There’s a spark of life again, and Hades is not having this.

·       So when Patrick Page says “It’s the boy!” he does a great delivery but it kind of sounds a bit Disney villain to me, I don’t know.

·       There’s a steam whistle on stage and I want one.

·       Now the workers are working, but there’s something different. A recognition of what they’ve become.

·       The verses in this song have gone through some big changes. I’d recommend listening instead of me trying to relay.

·       But what there is in this song is some fantastic usage of turn tables spinning in different directions. Hades and Persephone stand completely opposite, and as they walk in different directions of the tables they’re stationary. But then there are moments when the pause and are whisked around. And always opposite. Then Persephone sings to Eurydice and they’re opposite because she hops onto the middle turntable and it’s some amazing choreography and blocking here.

·       The part in this song marks the first time the chorus sings as individuals. Some of them get solo lines that are echoes of Orpheus and Eurydice “If I raise my head…if I change my voice…” and it’s a sign of them waking up and remembering themselves as individuals. Now they’re out of sync, and they fucking start to question everything. They question the wall and why they can’t even look at each other if they’re supposedly free.

·       Persephone is really fucking at her breaking point in this relationship.

·       I like the additions of the workers verses because holy shit that’s fucking great. I’m not sure about Hades and Persephone’s verse changes yet. And they’re still being developed I think, because there are some very subtle differences from first preview to second.

·       But yeah, the Electric City line is still a jaw-dropping moment. When he sings it, to prove it, the lights all blow out. And it’s great.

·       Hermes hands Hades a stool that he dramatically slams down and sits on as he demands Orpheus sing for him,

Epic III:

·       Alright, so this is why I’m not sure the lyric changes work. The first preview night, Reeve’s singing didn’t convince me that it would be able to evoke such a viscerally emotional response out of stoic Hades. It was just eh. For the second preview, I don’t know if it was the developed lyrics, or if Reeve just stepped it up and did a better job, but I was more open to believing he could convince the king of the underworld.

·       Also, side note: when Orpheus sings his opening line about “Hades is king of the underworld” Hades chuckles and says “oh, it’s about me” and almost preens and both nights the audience can’t handle it and erupts in two rounds of raucous laughter. It’s such comedy gold.

·       When Orpheus sings the la la la melody, Hades is ready to kill him right there, but Persephone is not having it.

·       The La La La is fully established as the Song Hades Sung to Persephone and suddenly everyone, the chorus, the Fates, Persephone they’re all echoing this symbol of Hades’ forgotten love. And wow. Vocally stunning.

·       Here is where Orpheus makes Hades realize that Persephone is one step away from leaving him entirely. And he’ll lose her if he keeps this shit up.

·       And Hades tentatively sings is melody, and Persephone is so damn happy about it. She gives him this just soft wistful look and it’s so cute. And and when Hades sings he conjures up a fucking red carnation and what a fucking moment.

·       There’s some really adorable dancing between Hades and Persephone to some ethereal orchestration. And they end up embracing and staying like that for a long ass time. Like throughout Promises.

·       And yeah, Orpheus breaks the tranquil moment by being a clueless idiot who asks Eurydice what he does now.

Promises:

·       They moved Promises up and changed it up so now it’s less the two lovers being scornful about how they haven’t kept their promises and more about how they don’t give a fuck about promises as long as they have each other and a few basic needs.

·       They don’t need fair skies, or kind roads. They just need each other.

·       And god fucking damnit. Goddamnit. It’s so fucking hopeful, and Eurydice even says the workers can make the journey too, that everyone is filled with anticipation and just for one fucking second you believe that maybe it’ll be alright. Maybe, just fucking maybe, everyone will be okay. And you know it can’t end like that, but damnit if it doesn’t make you believe it.

·       But then Orpheus asks if they can go, and Hades says “I don’t know.” And let me tell you, I’ve never seen a woman pull away from a man with such horror and disgust on her face in my life than Persephone in that moment. She practically staggers across the whole stage to get away fast enough.

Word to the Wise:

·       And then the Fates come swooping in to offer their two cents. What icons. What a song. Hell fucking yes. What taunting bitches. They’re the real orchestrators of these events, literally.

·       And such good voices all converging to bring us a masterpiece we’re unworthy of.

·       Question: can the tony award go to all three women? Is that a thing?

His Kiss, the Riot:

·       Now Hades has to make a choice. He’s got to do something to keep his wife from never acknowledging his presence again, and he’s got to keep his reputation.

·       How does someone sing this deeply? How is this possible?

·       He has his little epiphany and shares it with his pal Hermes.

Wait For Me:

·       When Hermes relays the news that they can go, everyone is given this little jolt of hope before he rips it away as he lays out the terms.

·       And here is where Orpheus is convinced it’s a trap, even though Hermes tells him it’s a trial, not a trick. So they start.

·       What a great arrangement of a song. The workers chorus sound so hopeful, so excited to be shown the way the world can be. “If you can do it so can she, if she can do it so can we.”

·       And yes, Hades and Persephone will try again next fall. They’ll wait for each other.

·       It’s such a triumphant moment, but then the Fates come in and start asking Orpheus who he thinks he is to be able to lead anyone out of anything.

·       The turntables are going, and Eurydice is right behind him singing joyously to “wait for me.” It just sounds so beautiful and lifts us up like yes, they can fucking do this. They can do it.

Doubt Comes In:

·       But then it grows dark and terrifying, and Eurydice slips out of view. And who should be two steps behind Orpheus? Our favorite Fates.

·       These bitches come out of the smoke and darkness with their lanterns and they’re circling and slipping into shadows and turning their lights on and off and whispering into Orpheus’s ear. What diabolical voices. Where is she? They ask and taunt and Orpheus’s La La La melody fades out as he’s overcome with doubt.

·       But Eurydice is right fucking there. She’s right fucking there singing about the coldest night. Offering her encouragement even though he can’t hear her. He can’t hear her and that’s why they’re in this fucking mess.

·       And yes, it’s a valid paranoia, but come on. Just keep going. Just keep walking, damnit.

·       The workers are there too, and they’re all ready to go.

·       And as Eurydice sings her last verse, where she sounds so joyous to finally be able to see the sun, Orpheus stumbles up the last few steps to the beacon of light.

·       And he fucking turns around. He fucking turns around and the entire audience knows it’s coming because they warned us, but damnit if we don’t all gasp anyway.

·       “Orpheus.” “It’s you.” “It’s me” and she says it with such anguish and heartbreak, like yes, ‘it’s me I’m right here, we were right there, we almost made it. All of us,” and then he reaches for her, but she’s on the turntable that drops, and she’s dragged back down to the underworld. And everyone is in tears because they were so fucking close.

Road To Hell II:

·       The opening song starts up again, but so much sadder. As if the joy has gone from the world, but it’s time to start up again.

·       Such devastation. Such anguish. But we sing it again.

·       The lyric changes emphasis how this is very much a circular story that will continue to go around and around forever. We are right back where we started, but we know how it ends. That is how it ends.

·       “It’s a sad song. It’s a sad tale. It’s a tragedy. It’s a sad song. But we sing it anyway. Cause here’s the thing. To know how it ends and still to begin to sing it again as if it might turn out this time. I learned that from a friend of mine. See Orpheus was a poor boy…”

·       And right then Eurydice reenters asking for a match just like she did in the beginning of the show. Full circle.

·       “Oh a sunny day there was a railroad car.” And the turntable rises once more with Persephone in her green dress reclining on the speakeasy tables. Spring is back. Again.

·       The lyrics focus more on the old song and how they sing it again and again, and the echoing harmonies are so good.

·       They cut out “it’s a tale of a love that never dies…it’s a love song about someone who tries” and instead repeat the again and again.

Bows:

·       Standing ovations, deafening applause and cheering. What a fucking great show.

I Raise My Cup:

·       The program says nothing about this song, but it’s still fucking here bitches.

·       I was skeptical about having it after bows, but not a single person even attempted to leave. The music started, and we all instantly shut up to see what beautiful thing would happen next.

·       Everyone has their cup, and Orpheus starts strumming his guitar (which by the way looks a bit too shiny and new to be in character, but sure). Amber does the bulk of the singing, but Eva joins in and the chorus harmonizes and it’s good.

·        

Final notes: This is basically just me talking Tonys and I’m not an expert on anything so don’t take what I say too seriously because I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.

·       I’m excited to see the final product. Will definitely be going again, and again, and again.

·       What a stellar cast. And yeah, I was hesitant about Reeve Carney, but he was fine. Wasn’t exactly blown away, but it’s adequate. He did well, and I saw major improvement from one night to the next to the next so hopefully it’ll just keep getting better and better.

·       I’m living for Eva’s Eurydice characterization. The embodiment of “looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you.”

·       Amber Gray needs a Tony right fucking now.

·       I’ve seen a number of the new shows this Broadway season and if this doesn’t win what it deserves to win I will riot.

·       Okay, I really enjoyed The Prom. It was a fun, heartwarming, touching show. Especially since I’m a lesbian who grew up in a small town and is now in her twenties and has since gotten out of that. I loved it, and I believe it really deserves recognition and I want it to get it…But Hadestown is just better. It has a stronger book, score, and overall presentation.

·       I saw The Cher Show, and it’s a great production of a jukebox/biography musical. I thought Stephanie J. Block did a phenomenal job. I’m sure this show is likely in the top running for costumes purely because they’re so flashy and hell, Cher’s actual designer did them. But I kind of want a more nuanced designer to win than just whoever has the most zazz.

·       I know Be More Chill is really relatable for the young people out there, and I think that’s great we’re getting a bigger audience demographic than just old white people (which is mostly what the theater is filled with regardless, however) but I’m not convinced it can come even close in terms of Best Book. And DEH aside (I’m still fucking bitter about that show winning over Great Comet or even Come From Away, and I’ll never not be) we’ve seen musicals geared towards that generation with that sort of message not get awards, which is probably not right. Legally Blonde didn’t win because it was too “pink” and “pink” musicals don’t win. And in this case Be More Chill should not win over a better show.

·       And it’s kind of down to just a few musicals realistically to win Best Musical. A lot of shows that opened this year are either for only limited runs (look if Oklahoma or Kiss Me Kate do really well, they might extend them, but if they’re just doing alright it wouldn’t be profitable to give it more awards than necessary. It’s strange how the revivals aren’t open runs) or are already closed. Head Over Heels was a fun riot of a time, but since it’s closed (like Torch Song, Choir Boy, Getting’ the Band Back Together) it wouldn’t be profitable to give them anything.

·       Pretty Women and King Kong aren’t doing so hot either. And we have to wait on Tootsie and Beetlejuice, but I can’t see any of them winning big.

·       I’m interested to know what the American Theater Wing rules on Acting eligibility here. The rule is that if the name is below the title, they’re a featured actor, but if it’s above they’re leading. That’s why Yul Brenner didn’t get a best leading actor Tony in The King and I. The rules are a little bit more flexible these days, I think. And I know for the Prom, at least, even though some of them aren’t above the title, they’re still considered leads, but who knows?

·       And like, who constitutes a definitive lead in this show? Eva probably does, but for Reeve it’s a little different. See he’s not exactly given any more or less stage time than, say, Hermes who is with us for the whole show but might somehow be more of a Featured Actor role. The five principle characters are all pretty solid leads (maybe Persephone a little less so but she’s still very much leading) so who knows? Not me. I have no understanding of how this works.

·       Bottom Line: Give Amber Gray, Rachel Chavkin, and Anais Mitchell their fucking Tonys. If Rachel Chavkin doesn’t get the recognition she deserves I’ll riot.

·       Bradley King for Lighting and Rachel Hauck for Scenic should be shoo-ins. Nothing I have seen this season will ever be this fantastic.

Edit: Alright, who wants an audio bootleg?

[mistiedwagonfyre]

M(erry) Monday: Just Some Get to Know You Stuff...

So I got these from moonysmind so I should probably @ them... 

@moonysmind-blog

Ok, let's get this party started! 

1. Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

Blue if I'm writing something, black if I'm outlining a paper. But overall, black pens are my go-to just because I have more of them. I seriously need to stock up on blue pens... Also, who uses a red pen for anything other than corrections just because that's the way they've been taught? 

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

The Country. Or somewhere in the middle. I just feel like I'd be able to manage less people over more people and get to know them more personally. And, let's be honest, the country has gorgeous skies and sprawling fields and meadows. And it feels like you could take a deep breath and just absorb the atmosphere. 

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

Balance. It would help in everything because yours truly is a ball of clumsy fluff.

4. Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

Heh, I drink hot chocolate with marshmallows so...

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Anything I could get my hands on. I. Love. Books. My favorite series as a kindergartener was the Magic Tree House tho.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Depends on my mood. Baths are for when I've got tons of time to just relax  and get my mind off things and showers remind me of rain and I love them too. I take showers more often but that doesn't mean anything.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

This is a hard one cuz I love all things mystical and magical... 

My immediate thought was a dragon but they get killed a lot in the myths and they're almost always stuck guarding something. Then I was like, ok then. What about a phoenix? So ya, I'd be a phoenix. Don't get me wrong, I'd totally go with all the mythical creatures and just cycle through them all, just if I had to choose just one it'd be a phoenix. Maybe, since I'd technically live forever, I could meet every single mythical creature ever. That'd be pwetty cool...

8. Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

Paper. It's what I've grown up with. I know, classy me. Also, there is nothing quite like the smell of a new book. Just sayin'.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

Punny t-shirts. All I'm gonna say.

10. Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

Yes. If I had to change it, I'd love to be Reyna or Luna. Otherwise, I'm keeping it.

11. Who is a mentor to you?

Mostly myself. I taught myself to draw, anyhow. If not me, my mom or my newest art teacher or my neighbor. 

12. Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

Yes and no. I want to inspire people (whether with art or my quirky personality) but don't want the pressure that popularity and fame brings. 

13. Are you a restless sleeper? 

If being a night owl counts as restless, then yes. If being a deep sleeper when I am actually asleep doesn't, then no.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic?

Considering I like guys who are chivalrous and funny... yes?

15. Which element best represents you?

Water. I'm chill until all my suppressed emotions rush out. You can't hold back the ocean forever. And you can't prevent the inevitable: Me being weird. Just ask my sister, she thinks I'm insane (which is probably accurate). Also, I may seem shallow on the surface, but I can actually be very deep sometimes. I could go on and on about my relationship with water, but that's a tale for another time.

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

Everyone. I love strengthening relationships with people. It makes the group stronger as a whole.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

Always.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

I'd love too, but then storyteller Mistie will appear and this list will become infinitely longer. You'll have to ask me in my questions tab if you really want to hear one. 

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

Can't decide which is weirder: Watermelon with taco seasoning or raw onion with mustard... Both are equally delicious in the summertime at a BBQ.

20. What can you see outside your bedroom window?

A ladder, some rocks, and a dead vole. My old room had a much better view... 

21. What are you most thankful for?

My Savior

22. Do you like spicy food?

Not particularly, no. 

23. Have you ever met someone famous?

Alex Boyé. He went to a really unsanitary restaurant before he came to our house one time and puked all over our newly waxed floors. I feel bad for him. Everyone but him knew not to eat at that runofthemill A&W on the way up. He still put on a mini concert for us tho and that was pretty considerate of him, because he did it even though he can't have felt like doing it.

24. Do you keep a diary or journal?

Yup. I've got entries from back in kindergarten, amazingly. Granted, back then I wrote in pictures.

25. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Pencil. I'm human, I make mistakes.

26. What is your star sign?

Well, I was a Pisces. But then they discovered that there are more stars in the sky, just like there are more fishes in the sea, and just bunched a bunch of Pisces together so now I'm Aquarius. I'm still a Pisces at heart tho.

27. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

Crunchy. Better texture. Soggy cereal is oatmeal in my mind and if you want oatmeal, you actually make oatmeal, not let your cereal sit out for who knows how long. 

28. What would you want your legacy to be?

Legacy is a tricky thing. You've gotta know what people are gonna think of you down the line. I want mine to be simple: she wasn't afraid of who she was and what others would think of that. She was herself, and that's all that matters. I feel like that's the best legacy I could have for the future generations who will grow up in a world of trial and tribulation.

29. Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?

ABSOLUTELY! I just finished Lodestar from Keeper of the Lost Cities. I shoulda read these books years ago but they're still fan-freaking-tastic! 

30. How do you show someone you love them?

I guess my love language is acts of service or whatever. So I'd probably serve them and do tons of sweet things for them. 

31. Do you like ice in your drinks?

No, it makes it all watery. Blegh.

32. What are you afraid of?

Lots of things. I just only realize when they come along and forget what they are afterwards. Sure, it may seem nice, but it makes the terror of coming into contact with them once more infinitely more terrorizing. But bugs are extremely horrifying. And so are arachnids.

33. What is your favourite scent?

Rain with freshly mowed grass and newly printed books at a campfire with Smores by the seashore. No one will ever be able to create this magnificent scent. 

34. Do you address older people by their first or last name?

Depends on how close we are.

35. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

Does this mean that everything is free? Well I'm gonna stockpile food and stuff and then ship them off to 3rd world countries. I'd try to save as many lives as possible. Or I could go there in person to deliver said goods... Yup. I've decided that that's what I'm gonna do!

36. Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

Pools have a veil of safety but the ocean is much more beautiful and alive. Also, the smell of chlorine is gross. And the taste. Blegh.

37. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

If it looks old and worn and dirty like it's been there a while, imma take it. Chances are whoever lost it has been long gone so I can actually take that $50 w/o feeling guilty. Otherwise I'd leave it there.

38. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

Heh, I used to wish on airplanes, satellites, and planets because I thought they were 'special stars'.

39. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

To be kind, even when it is inconvenient. I don't know how many times someone has held the door open for me even when it seemed much more convenient for them to just go inside where it is warm and just let me open the stupid door on my own. 

Maybe I'd teach them that even the smallest acts can have the biggest impact. One of the two. Probably both.

40. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

Heh, you're talkin' to the girl who doesn't want her ears pierced. No way in heck am I getting a tattoo.

41. What can you hear right now?

Music and the sound of my thoughts.

42. Where do you feel the safest?

In a book.

43. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

Darkness and fear.

44. If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?

The one with Michelangelo, Leonardo, and all those other guys that the ninja turtles were named after.

45. What is your most used emoji?

It's not even an emoji. It is literally XD. Either that or (^^) 

46. What is your favourite season? Why?

Torn between winter (snow), spring (life coming into bloom), and fall (all the pwetty colors).

47. How would you spend your ideal day?

On a window seat during a thunderstorm either sketching or reading a book all wrapped up in a blanket. Preferably with a cat. Sipping warm apple cider or hot chocolate with marshmallows.

48. Describe yourself using one word.

Me.

49. What do you regret the most?

Not realizing certain things sooner.

50. Invent your own word. What does it mean?

Crushyblushy (adj. n.)

The general mannerisms an individual enacts around people that they like (specifically in crush and/or love situations).

syn: awkward, quirky, shy, blushy

ant: confident, flirty, aplomb, able

[smallerinfinities]

Gin and Juice: Part I

a/n: In which Reader has social anxiety, Shawn is a college football god, and alcohol is consumed. 

This is the first part of my first series!

I have no idea how I got here from a tallboy can of Mill Street Organic, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

|| MASTERLIST || 

warnings: alcohol, lots of it, and some non-consensual consumption

The house was practically vibrating from the inside. Music was blaring so loud you could clearly hear every word to every song. People would burst out the front door every few minutes to smoke or get some air. You stood on the porch and contemplated the reasons it would be best to leave: 1) this party was practically drowning in alcohol and you were not 21, and 2) social anxiety was a real bitch.

The only reason you were here at all was because your roommate dragged you here, then immediately ditched you outside when you got nervous about all of the people. She said it was time to “live the college experience” and “get the hell out of the dorm.” Maybe you liked your dorm. Maybe you liked feeling safe. Your college experience was supposed to be getting an education and then getting a good job so you could support yourself. This felt frivolous.

The door opened again and your roommate came out of the rave sure to be happening inside, alarm registering in her eyes. “Where have you been?! Come inside!”

“Caroline,” you whined, “I really don’t want to be here.” She grabbed your hand and started for the door to the house. You followed, dragging your feet the entire way.

“Will you stop acting like a child? I’m about to introduce you to some people so you’ll maybe make some friends and talk to someone other than your mother!” she screamed at you. You stopped in your tracks, breathing shallow and trying to control the tears threatening to fall. Caroline didn’t understand what it was like. Being at college felt like a thousand people staring at you all the time. A million sets of eyes just waiting to watch you fail. It was exhausting on a level that blowing off steam at a party wasn’t going to just fix.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean that. I just want you to get out and enjoy where we are a little.” She was backtracking, and she really did look like she cared about your well-being. You decided to just go with it. She could lead you around this party and make her introductions,  then you could go back to your dorm and crawl in bed until class on Monday. Caroline’s “college experience” be damned.

Your body slacked and let her lead you through the door. Inside, it was maybe less of a rave than a really smoky, smelly concert. Like an all-ages venue that drew in the under-18 crowd and their friends who were in bad alt-rock bands. Not quite the EDM show you thought you were hearing outside.

There were about a hundred thousand people packed into the two-story house. Caroline pulled you through the crowd, hand wrapped around your wrist like an elementary school buddy system. She jerked you around the corner, leading you both toward the kitchen, when you ran into a wet wall, jostling you out of your own world.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” the wall shouted over the music.

Not a wall. A person. A boy. A very tall boy. A very tall boy with wall-like abs that were pressed against your body. A very tall boy with wall-like abs who had spilled his beer all over your shirt.

You slowly craned your neck upward and almost fell over. This boy had the most gorgeous brown-hazel eyes you had ever seen. They were looking at you, puzzled at your apparent lack of functionality. He swivelled his head then, searching for something or someone, “HEY GEOFF!?! CAN YOU BRING ME A RAG OR SOMETHING??”

He had stepped back from you, assessing the damage, and held you at arm’s length by the shoulders. His hands wrapped seemingly all the way around your upper arms and you could feel his calloused fingertips scratching your skin through the thin cotton shirt you wore. He kept looking into your eyes, pleading with you to say something, but you just couldn’t. His face was mesmerizing—a smooth, square jaw; cherubic, alcohol-flushed cheeks; the straightest, whitest teeth you’d ever seen; and a messy head of thick brown curls, coiffed into a perfect disarray. He’d stunned you into silence and the touching wasn’t helping. He seemed to be transferring body heat through his fingertips and you were starting to sweat.

A stocky guy with long-ish hair and a serious scruff situation ambled over with a rag. Wall Abs took the rag from him and started dabbing it all over the wet pattern on your top. You blushed violently and jerked away from him.

“Oh, here. Sorry, I didn’t think...I’m really sorry...I’ll leave you alone...enjoy the party!” he handed you the rag and then vanished. It didn’t escape your notice that he had turned just as red as you had and was quickly trying to exit the situation.

You held the rag to your chest and searched for Caroline. She was staring at you from ten feet away like an alien had just tore itself out of your body. You walked over to her and snapped your fingers in her face.

“Caroline!” you shouted, “why do you look like I’ve birthed an alien?!”

“Don’t you know who that was?” she asked, totally mystified that you obviously had no idea.

“Uhm, no? A tall boy with wall-like abs?” you mused, humoring no one, especially your roommate who kept flapping her jaw up and down.

“WHO IS HE?!” you roared, getting frustrated with this weird fangirl reaction.

“He’s Shawn Mendes, the captain of the football team. He’s the starting quarterback. He’s in the running for the Heisman Trophy. AS A SOPHOMORE.” She rambled on about stats and measurements and how fast he could run a 40-yard dash for what seemed like ages. It was an impressive, though weird, body of knowledge that she had collected on a guy that seemed overwhelmingly normal, if not shy, based on the interaction you had just had with him. The football god that Caroline was blathering on and on about seemed incongruent with the tall, blushing, albeit Adonis boy that you had just run into.

She finally settled down after living vicariously through your beer shower experience by the Heir Apparent of college football. You thought maybe she had forgotten about introducing you to people but no such luck. Her mission was revived and she grabbed a hold of your wrist again, making her way through the sea of humanity and finally pulling you into the kitchen. The sheer gallons of alcohol that must have been in there made it smell like somewhere between a hospital and a gas station.

“What do you want to drink?” You stared at her with a blank expression, “uhhh, I guess whatever you’re drinking?”

She rolled her eyes and tutted, grabbing a couple of bottles of clear liquor and a carafe of cranberry juice and a can of lemon-lime soda. Stirring together equal parts of everything, Caroline handed you a fizzy pink drink that tickled your nose when you smelled it.

“I call it Bitch Juice because it tastes like non-alcoholic prom punch. Literally not a hint of alcohol,” she nodded, acting like that invalidated the actual presence of alcohol in the drink. You took a sip dubiously.

“Huh, not a hint,” you confirmed, kind of impressed and yet kind of alarmed at the chemistry of it. Armed with red plastic cups, a chainmail-like requirement on this college party battlefield, Caroline led you into the main room of the house, filled wall-to-wall with bodies.  

“CAROLINE!” someone shouted from across the room. Caroline frantically waved at them, giving your wrist a fresh jerk in their direction. Before anyone could ask you anything, you took a long pull from the cup in your hand. They called it liquid courage, right? You needed some of that right now.

Caroline introduced you to her friends and you tried to take in all of their introductions, but mostly you focused on the pink concoction in your cup and how it magically kept refilling itself. Caroline must have gone back into the kitchen three times before you realized what was happening, too wrapped up in your own awkward to realize that she had been pouring more Bitch Juice into your cup as you paid attention to engaging with the people around you, a task that had become noticeably easier as the past couple of hours had dragged on. You had even laughed a few times and put your hand on a passing shoulder. You felt free for the first time in a long time. I guess that’s why they called it intoxicating.

“How many of these have you poured for me?” you asked her, starting to feel your fingers, toes, and lips tingle, a slight slur on your tongue.

“Oh, I’m not sure,” she thought, “maybe four? Maybe more?” Your eyes threatened to pop out of your skull. “Caroline!” you shrieked, “what do you mean ‘MAYBE MORE?’”

“I mean I’m not really sure, but it seems like you’re enjoying yourself! This is a good thing!” she encouraged, linking her arm with yours, as if you’d asked her to manually let your inhibitions down for you. It was a betrayal, no matter how freeing it may have felt.

You ripped your arm away from hers and stormed off, out of the crowded room. Having no idea where you were going, you climbed the staircase to at least get out of the thick of people on the first floor.

The second floor was just a long hallway with a bunch of doors. There were a few people up here, mostly making out, and none of them paid any attention to you. You hoped and prayed one of the doors led to a bathroom. A locked door felt necessary for breathing.

The first door was a bust—surprisingly empty bedroom (didn’t people hook up at these things?). The second door revealed a study, lined with bookshelves—intriguing but not a bathroom.

That left door number three. You tried to shove it open, but it only opened to a four-inch crack before halting. The light was on, and you could see a sink, confirming it was, in fact, the bathroom, but there was still something impeding your entry. You looked down at the tile and saw a black chelsea boot flat against the floor attached to a pair of black jean-clad legs. Someone was lying on the floor of the bathroom, and judging from how hard you must have knocked into them with the door, they weren’t conscious.

Flight or flight set in immediately. The hair on the back of your neck stood straight up and you felt more sober than you did two hours ago, let alone two minutes ago. The adrenaline burned through the alcohol like a forest fire. You needed to flee.

But what if they were injured? Or sick? Or...worse? Your mind screamed that you didn’t care, but your heart was compassionate and needed to make sure the person was okay. You used all of your combined body strength to slowly push open the door, sliding the body mass across the tile and onto the rug. You gasped when you finally slipped inside the room and locked the door behind you.

It’s him.

Tall Boy with Wall-Like Abs. Captain of the Football Team. Shawn Mendes. 

And he was passed out on the tile floor alone next to an empty bottle of gin.

Had he finished the bottle himself? Was he drinking alone? —How passed out was he? Should I try to wake him up? A million questions ran through your head, none of them answered by the massive human form at your feet.

You reached out and put the back of your hand to his face. He was clammy, far colder than he should have been in a house with so many people in it. You remembered the signs of alcohol poisoning from orientation—clammy skin, inability to stay conscious, inability to walk—all of which he was clearly exhibiting.

You crouched down and patted his cheek. “Shawn, Shawn, can you hear me? You need to try to wake up. Can you hear me?!” you yelled with increasing volume, “You need to get up, Shawn, or I’m going to have to call 911.”

That seemed to make it through his gin-fueled haze. He lazily opened his eyes, looking completely disoriented, clearly not sure how he had gotten to the bathroom floor. Running his hands through his thick, chocolate curls, he finally focused his eyes on you.

“Oh, it’s you,” he whispered in awe, flashing you a blinding smile.

You probably would have fainted if he hadn’t immediately doubled over and thrown up in the bathtub.

to be continued...

Gimme your thoughts! Angsty times are ahead!

[wo-the-wolf]

Warrants for Swing- One Shot

First of all big shout out to

@yugissisterdeath

​ for tagging me in a post where I can make a bunch of one shots for some fun writings :D and secondly ---->

This is inspired by 

@sarcasmandfoxes

​ and their post regarding several different human like quirks. Hope you all enjoy! 

FINALLY: Do note from now on with my stories, I will specify whether or not it is a one shot, a main character following, possible warning regarding rating, as well as how many parts I THINK it might be. Enjoy!

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                                              Concept

“The way we repair things with tape or glue or whatever. Especially when it could still be dangerous to use afterwards, like wires wrapped in tape instead of replacing them.”

                                              Setting 

Ryker Station, One of the largest Hives of Criminal Activity (Essentially a second Citadel, or Omega Station for my fellow Mass Effect fans).

Demographic: Mostly Dangerous Criminals and Spice Traders, species level are highly mixed.

Galactic Location: Outer Rim, Southern Quadrant.

                                              Characters

Name: Veccoth Re’zora

Nickname: ”Vec”

Species: Saurian, humanoid Lizard like being.

Age: 32

Occupation: Ex-Special Operations Counter-Terrorism Unit, Currently Detective

Name: Quinn Tethras Emrick

Nickname: ---- Species: Human Age: 32

Occupation: Ex-Black Ops Sargent Specializing in Wetwork, Currently Detective

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------

The music pounded away in a club filled with night owls of all different species, all out enjoying their evenings, some gambling and drinking, and others making their shady deals. Ryker Station was as it seemed, a place for criminals of all types to hide; From simple thugs and smugglers, to war profiteers, high stakes gamblers, and drug kingpins. Assassins and hackers galore, any criminal worth their salt would find refuge somewhere in the glowing casinos and hotels, or the grubby underbelly of the stations bowels.

It was here Vec and Quinn, our two Citadel Detectives, found themselves sitting at a table above the gambling den, watching over the suits and their cheers for the high rollers. “Ah the night life of casinos and strip clubs alike. The music is really what takes me back to when I was younger. All those bright lights, the electronic swing, the lower sections and the dark bass. Oh it takes me back Quinn.”

“Back to when you were smuggling guns and dope or?” Quinn leaned back in her chair, arms folded and keeping her sunglasses on. The glasses brightened a bit and showed her a HUD, scanning Vec who grinned at her comment. 

“Back when my scales were nice and bright.” He chuckled before also putting on a pair of sunglasses.

“CT’s really hit home with you,” Quinn smirked.

Vec shrugged and opened his mechanical arm, taking a look at it before resting it on the table, “I’m certainly quite the catch, ask any lady on the Citadel.”

“Templar Squad, please focus on your objective,” a digitized voice stated. A red woman with red hair literally on fire appeared on their left portion of their eye glass screen. An AI, frowning at them, “Target Objective: Wasp is moving to your sector. Krusheayle Lien. Here is his picture,” she brought up a picture on both of their lenses to show a human, Asian, and probably in his early 40′s. 

“We got it Ruby, just let me finish my cocktail real quick,” Vec smirked as he sipped on a bright clear liquid, topped with a festive little umbrella. From the front of the dance floor, their intended target entered the room with his entourage of four armed guards. He calmly walked around the dance floor, unaware of the hunters now stalking their prey. 

“Agent Vec, please use reason, you must begin pursuit now if you are to catch him.” Ruby frowned, arms behind her back as she insisted.

“For thousands of years my species were the king predators of our world, let me decide when it’s right to strike,” he downed the last of his drink, as the target passed under them and continued on his way to another door. 

“Agent Quinn?” Ruby inquired.

“Like now,” Vec chuckled before throwing the glass at the DJ. The cup shattered across his head, knocking him out cold as he face planted the DJ both, changing the music to something a bit more adrenaline inducing. 

“Section, move in,” Quinn ordered, as the agents witnessed their target suddenly turn and look panicked. From behind them, the doors opened and two Cageth aliens moved in, executing the guards with silenced weapons and grabbing the target, pulling him back through the doors. 

“Roger Agent Queen, target is secured, moving to extract.” a response came from their radio.

“When did they get there?” Ruby questioned with a frown. 

“Too many people on the floor, we called for back up. Vec get moving on the door.” Quinn pointed down the walkway they were on at a maintenance entrance.

“You got it,” he smirked before leaping to action. 

Upon getting to the door, Vec continued to try to get it open, but was becoming more frustrated as it wouldn’t budge. “Damn, security probably got a bead on us and is locking things down, it won’t open.” Vec growled.

“Hurry up,” Quinn nudged him along before seeing guards coming out of both doors. “Shit, Section we got bad guys inbound from your last location, respond, Over?”

“We are good, Agent Queen, moving to Extraction, enemies are right behind us but obstruction should be minimal.” The Cageth responded over the sound of blaster fire.

“Keep safe, Section.” She ordered before seeing the guards begin to point at them. “We don’t have time,” she brought her leg up and slammed it into the control panel for the door. 

“Hey what the hell are you doing?!” Vec shouted before the door slid open. “That was sheer luck.”

“Come on we’ll argue later.” she said before stepping through and hitting the emergency lock on the door. It swung shut, and they nodded before heading off through the tunnels. Soon the alarms along the station in their area began going off like crazy, alerting every guard and thug looking to earn some favor with the local Kingpins. “Come on move!” Quinn shouted as they both ran into one of the hanger bays where a ship waited for them. The Cageth from earlier waved their hands for them to hurry and board, before opening fire at guards turning the corner to make an attempt at stopping them.

“Up and Adam,” Vec yelled as he had hopped on and turned to give Quinn a hand. The ship was already off the ground and preparing to depart, and as Quinn loaded up she hearing the tearing of flesh rip through the hull of their transport. Their Cageth alley had been shot in the arm, tearing open a massive gash in his arm. 

The ship blasted away out of the hanger, Objective in the back and under guard as Quinn scrambled over to their injured comrade. “Shit, Medic!” 

“We have no medical supplies aboard this vessel, we will shortly aboard the cruiser.” one of the other Cageth replied.

“He won’t survive that long with this bleeding,” Quinn shook her head before digging around in her bag, “Fortunately for us I have a solution,” she finally pulled out a roll of Duct Tape. 

“What the hell? When did you start carrying that?” Vec looked at her with utter bewilderment.

“I always carry Duct Tape, it’s mother nature’s greatest bandage,” Quinn bit away at it and began wrapping it around the Cageth’s arm. 

“That is highly dangerous, when you tear it off he will bleed again,” One of the other Cageth cocked his head to the side, as confused as Vec.

“It’ll keep him from bleeding out till then, besides my old man showed me how to keep your car doors on tight with Duct tape and industrial glue.” She replied as she finished wrapping his arm. “There. . . You’ll live,” she nodded, proud of her work as the bleeding was stopped temporarily.

“Damn that’s.... Remind me never to go driving with you on our day’s off, unless it’s my ride.” Vec shook his head, “I always wondered what the hell was on your car door.”

“My car is fine,” she rolled her eyes. 

The ship continued to their large cruiser, loading up and shipping out before station security could come and pick a fight with them. What happened afterwards, is a story for another time. 

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HEY YOU! How’s it going? It was a pleasure to work on this arch of the short stories I’m doing this to pass time during my last year of university. Once again don’t forget, if you have any prompts you want me to work on just send me them, tag me in them, anything at all! I will put them in the que if I like em! All my stories are connected so never fear, old characters will always come back! Until next time, Fly safe fellow Explorer’s of the unknown.  

[fanguine]

the reason i'm so invested in pointing out the unfairness in feminism is because every day i see more and more evidence that especially western cultures (coming with western feminism) are using men as scapegoats for anything.

if there's a report about a paedophile you'll instantly think of a gross old man molesting little children, but rarely does anyone pay attention to the cases of adult women raping and abusing boys, playing it off as that they should enjoy it/be happy they got laid instead of recognizing that it's still a paedophile who traumatized (probably repeatedly and many) by sexually abusing them.

when you hear about domestic violence, you’re most likely to think of a man beating his girlfriend, wife, or life partner. so: usually a man physically assaulting a woman. yet many people don’t know that more than 40% of domestic violence victims are men (and those are just the numbers that came forth with the abuse they experienced). not only that, but if they call the police, it’s as certain as death that they’re going to be arrested even though they’re not the perpetuator. recently, shelters for battered men are opening, after an insane amount of time of few to none existing. so what happens? women complain that since male shelters are opening, the money isn’t going to female shelters, of which there are plenty and receive quite a lot attention already. then claim that men could just seek shelter in women’s shelters, which is nearly impossible considering that most male domestic violence victims are going to get laughed at and brushed off, or sent away as they’re seen as a threat, rather than a victim in need of the support that women are granted.

“Maybe I am wrong about this, and maybe this is a super feminist men's shelter. I hope that I am. Even though all survivors of domestic violence deserve safe spaces to heal and services that will help them with whatever needs they have, in a reality where resources are scarce, we need to be careful with what we prioritize. It is also crucial that the gendered aspects of domestic violence are at the forefront so we can attack the toxic elements of masculinity at its roots as we work towards a world without interpersonal violence.”

this is the last paragraph of the link above. to sum it up: women are more important than men, they should be prioritized at all costs, they’re humans of higher value and men are not. instead of just sharing and trying to help everyone, we’re supposed to let male shelters run out of support so that they soon won’t exist anymore, and men are back to having absolutely no support, right? that’s a great priority there, really...

masculinity is also not toxic. it’s been made to be seen as toxic, but the only unhealthy thing i can see here is the extreme narcissism and self serving attitude that comes with femininity (for women, of course, because men who are feminine get called pussies anyway). besides, lesbian couples have the highest domestic abuse rates of all, yes, higher than heterosexual couples, whereas gay couples have the lowest rates, so i doubt that toxic masculinity is really that real. but i won’t be getting further into that.

now, back to the abuse.. we see it in media and in real life: when a woman defends herself from a man who is attacking her, she will be applauded even if she kills him (sometimes especially, but i understand that most people get that sense of “got what they deserved” when such a thing happens).

when a man acts in self defense, he’s called a monster. this is one of the more scary and, to me personally, stomach churning topics. not only does this render the victim helpless and unable to fight back at all, forcing them to bear the abuse. when they do fight back it’s usually because they’re pushed to their limits. just like women, right? except for a few little details, because the woman can accuse the man of having hit her first and the majority of people will believe her and condemn him. she could also call the police, hell, the victim could call the police, and it would be the victim that gets arrested.. not to mention that everyone knows the connotations of hitting girls. the man could get blackmailed, the woman could hurt herself and claim it was him who did it, alienate him from friends and family who want nothing more to do with him, etc etc... not to mention that this “men aren’t allowed to hit women” thing isn’t something that goes both ways. never have i ever heard someone say that women aren’t allowed to hit men, to hurl things at them, and ruin their self worth with verbal abuse.

you see this double standard often. it manifests in many shapes and forms. one of them is that when a man checks his partner’s phone, it’s a red flag (that it is, indeed), but when a woman does it, it’s okay because “she’s just making sure he’s not cheating!” not only am i a firm believer in that if you can’t trust someone, you shouldn’t be with them, but also that this is invasion of privacy regardless of who does it and what gender they are. it’s weird, it’s scary, and a bad sign generally if someone is obsessed with knowing anything and everything you do. it’s not okay for men, so it’s not okay for women either.

another thing would be sexualization and objectification. we’ve seen it everywhere: feminists fighting for women to be seen as more than just sex objects, as people of their own right. this sounds great, doesn’t it? i fully support it! what i don’t support however, is the sheer hypocrisy in it. for every article or story you find about how gross this objectification is, you’ll see one about men’s bulges, stars revealing the size of a man’s penis, and there’s various other examples like women grabbing men’s asses or crotches without a warning, demanding they take off their shirt/show their abs, and so on..

another sexist thing that many will not notice until they go through divorce is how the mother always gets favored when it comes to child custody, regardless of whether or not she is fit to raise a child (or more). around 82.2% of custodial parents are mothers, whereas only 17.8% are fathers. towards the middle/end of the documentary “the red pill” you can see more on this. though i recommend the movie as a whole, which is about a feminist getting involved with the men’s rights movement to find out what they are fighting for, first skeptical, but then realizing that it’s not just a bunch of fedorabros protesting for their right to make kitchen jokes - these are men, people, with legitimate issues that are being shut down entirely by a feminist movement that claims to fight for equality, but really only aims to empower women. in the end, she no longer considers herself a feminist (neither did i, after that movie), and i believe also joined the men’s right’s movement.

now there’s so much more than i have mentioned, this is just a scratch on the surface of a mountain of issues. i don’t believe in screaming the loudest in order to be the most right. but these are real issues men face, and it’s heartbreaking that they get ignored because “women need it more” or “women are more important” or even “men don’t deserve support”. i hope that someone listens.

[nancydhooper]

Behind Closed Doors: The Traumas of Domestic Work in the U.S.

Like other essential workers, domestic workers are bearing the brunt of the COVID-19 pandemic without the luxury of being able to telework, social distance, or even take a sick day. They also face unique and challenging circumstances due to the nature of their work, which is undervalued and under-regulated by the U.S. government. As a result, domestic workers often endure horrific abuses that go unchecked. Many are brought to the U.S. by employers promising a better life, only to find themselves subjected to forced labor, denied wages, and threatened with deportation. 

Today, the ACLU joins a coalition of workers’ rights organizations calling on the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights to acknowledge and address the U.S. government’s failure to protect the rights of domestic workers. These workers are overwhelmingly women of color and/or migrants, and include house cleaners, nannies, caregivers, and others who work out of public view and in their employers’ homes. Below, four domestic workers explain in their own words the all too common abuses that continue unheeded because of the government’s failure to act.

FAINESS

My trafficker was a Malawian diplomat to the U.S. I had known her for years back home in Malawi, where I worked for her as a nanny before coming here. When she was stationed in D.C., she asked me to come with her, promising better opportunities — I could get an education, get a better job, get out and see the world. As a young person, what else could you want? She gave me a contract and travel documents and rushed me to sign them even though I could not speak or understand English at the time. After I was granted an A3 visa, which is a special visa for diplomats’ domestic workers, we left for the U.S., where we moved into a home in a beautiful neighborhood in Silver Spring, Maryland. 

Everything changed when we got to the U.S. My trafficker was no longer the person I knew in Malawi — she turned into a tiger. She forced me to work more than 16 hours per day for less than 40 cents per hour, cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, even ironing the family’s underwear. Who does that?

I lived in my trafficker’s home, but not as an equal. I lived like a slave. She made me sleep on the basement floor and forbade me from using any of the family’s soaps or other items, so I would not “contaminate” their belongings. She cut my phone access, so I was not able to communicate with my family at all for three years. I was refused medical care when I was sick. The only food I could eat were leftover scraps. Many times, I had to watch the family eat while I was starving and malnourished. 

While I lived there, I was raped by a family friend. I could not receive any help because I did not speak English and did not know what to do. Whenever I tried talking to my trafficker about anything, she would call me ungrateful because she had taken me from my poor home village. Often, she would say “I can do anything I want, I’m a diplomat, I have immunity.” She also accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend. 

The pain was too much. I was dying slowly, and I could not take it anymore. I wanted to die, but I knew that if I died in that house, my trafficker would throw my body in a dumpster and no one would ever find out. So I thought maybe, if I die in the street, people will find me and my family will learn of my death, maybe on the news. 

One day, I found my passport and snuck out of the house through the garage. I was so thin, I managed to squeeze myself through the gap beneath the garage door. Then I ran away, leaving everything behind. 

Today, I am a survivor. What happened to me doesn’t define me. While I still have not overcome my traumas 100 percent, I empowered myself through learning about who I am, my rights, and trafficking laws. I learned that trafficking is not just sex trafficking, and it was labor trafficking that brought me to the U.S. and entrapped me. Now I am a leader. I am a member of the National Survivor Network and a board member of the Survivor Alliance. I have spoken before Congress and at conferences. I work alongside NGOs to change policies, including a labor statute in Maryland that I advocated for. 

Still, I am angry that domestic workers are invisible to many people. The whole time I was suffering, nobody saw me. I remember shoveling snow in my trafficker’s driveway, without gloves, boots, or warm clothes, watching cars pass as everybody missed those red flags.

It’s hard to identify trafficking of domestic workers since it usually happens behind closed doors, but the community should learn how to identify these situations and hold labor traffickers accountable. Domestic workers deserve fair treatment, decent pay, and benefits. The government, Congress, and our communities need to make sure survivors always have a seat at the table. Nothing about us, without us. It’s our pain and our story. You cannot fight trafficking without survivors, period.

CARLOS

When I first came to the U.S., I didn’t realize I was being trafficked or that my working conditions were not normal. I had come here for the same reason as a lot of Filipinos — a simple dream, especially as a father, to bring my family out of poverty. I didn’t know about my rights. All I knew is that I came here to work. I was just so happy and excited to be in America. 

Before I came here, an employment agency in the Philippines found me a job as a cook at a country club in Florida. I had to pay them $3,000 just for all the paperwork to get here. Once I arrived, I stayed in a small house with a bunch of other workers, about six or seven of us in each room. I thought it was all normal. I believed in the lies my employers told me about the contract, the salary, the house, the visa. They told us we would get green cards and be able to bring our families here. 

After working for a few months in Florida, they moved us to another country club in Arkansas. They told us our visas had expired, so there was no contract and no paycheck, just a cash advance of $500. My pay was only enough to cover my basic needs in the U.S. I had no money left over to send back home to my family. 

They threatened that if we tried to leave, they would call the police and report us to immigration. The treatment was so bad that some of us ran away anyway, but I was too afraid of being deported. I said to myself, I’m here in America for my family. They were still suffering so much to get food on the table. All they could afford to eat was rice and soy sauce.

One night I decided to do it. I got on a Greyhound bus at 3 or 4 a.m., with just my passport and $500 in my pocket, and traveled from Arkansas to Texas, where I stayed with my aunt for a little while until my uncle found me a job in California. I took that job, but it ended shortly after. I had no work for three months. I felt homeless and that I had ruined my family. That’s when I became an alcoholic. I wanted to be drunk all the time, to fall asleep and forget everything that had happened in America. Every time I try to remember everything, it all comes back to me, all the depression and fear. 

I thought about going home, but I knew I could not go back to the Philippines for a very long time. I told myself I was already here and that I needed to be patient. Back home we call America the land of opportunity. At that moment, I didn’t know if I could call America that, but I never surrendered or stopped looking for a job. I kept fighting for my family. The only thing I had to hold onto was my faith. I prayed that one day it would all be okay. 

My life restarted again when I found a job as a cook and housekeeper in a big house in Beverly Hills. Now I am in another job, working as a caregiver. I still have anxiety every time I see police and fear being caught. I still have trouble sleeping. But I got help for substance abuse and treatment for my depression and anxiety. Today, the trauma is still there, but it’s not as heavy anymore.

It has been 13 years since I was home in the Philippines. I still have hope to bring my family here and get a fresh start. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to my children. 

SAM

For me, coming to the U.S. was the realization of a dream, not only for myself but for my family. I was a physical therapist in the Philippines so I was really happy when an employment agency got me a job doing the same work in the U.S. But when I got here, it was nothing like they promised. We were thrown into a hotel in a rough neighborhood. There was no work, no visit to the jobsite, no employer nor a representative who came to welcome us and see how we were doing. We were left on our own. We survived for 14 days eating noodles from the 99 cent store.

I endured the treatment because I had no choice and I didn’t know the laws in the U.S. It was tormenting and traumatic being in a foreign land with no knowledge of the laws, specifically laws about employment and immigration. I also didn’t know before I came that I would have very, very limited job choices as an undocumented immigrant resulting from my trafficking. Living in fear of being deported was stressful and suffocating. Even more because I cannot afford insurance or medical care so I had to just take vitamins and pray to God, and by God’s grace I was able to stay well.

I learned a little from a childhood friend who has been a U.S. citizen for a long time and also works as a physical therapist. He told me that he learned about four physical therapists who had reported their agencies for violations of human trafficking and that they won their cases and got justice. At the same time, my Filipino values of perseverance and faith somehow deterred and delayed me from seeking help for myself. 

Information about domestic workers’ rights and human trafficking abuses should be readily available to immigrant communities. It should be easy for workers to contact authorities, even their local embassies, and get help. Labor rights should be plainly black and white and both employers and employees need to adhere to them. There should be a collaboration between the host country and the country of origin of trafficking victims so these predators are stopped from the very beginning. We must treat each other with respect and humanity. We are human beings too and not just nominal subjects for profiteering.

MELANIE

I came to the U.S. from the Philippines to support my family. One of my children had cerebral palsy and was prone to pneumonia, and was always in the hospital, which was expensive. I could not afford his treatment. So when I found an opportunity for a job abroad, I tried my luck and took it. 

An employment agency in the Philippines connected me to a job in a chicken factory in Washington State. To get here, I had to pay the agency $5,000 plus airfare. All the problems started when I arrived. The agency told me and other Filipino workers it would cover housing, but when we got there we found out we had to stay in another employee’s home for the first three weeks, and during that time we had to do her housekeeping and take care of her three children, on top of going to work at the factory. Finally they moved us to a housing unit. We were 20 people with one bathroom and no furniture. The women slept in the attic, about 10 of us. 

Working at the factory was difficult and dangerous. My job was to debone chicken with an electric sensor on a conveyor belt. We had to work fast, which made it hard to protect ourselves. Fingers were always being cut. There were also immigration raids so we were in constant fear of being caught and deported. I had a visa, but some of the other employees did not have papers. All of us were afraid.

After six months, the company let us go even though our contracts were for a year’s work. Some of my other coworkers from the Philippines were afraid they would lose their visas from being out of work, so they went home. I missed my family and wanted to go home, too. I wanted to provide for them but at the same time, I have to pay my debt. I am still paying off the loans I borrowed to pay the employment agency fees. 

In the Philippines, we have this idea that going to America will bring you a bright future. So even though I wanted to go home, I knew people would treat me like a failure if I did — I had been planning to bring my family there and I had failed. All of a sudden you’re back with nothing but debt. People think only criminals get deported. So I stayed. 

To get another job, I had to pay the agency a $500 processing fee and they placed me at a resort in Sedona, Arizona. Our living conditions were better there, but the work was physically exhausting. We worked in teams of two to clean 20 rooms per day. I got sick with high blood pressure and vertigo, which made it very difficult to continue working, but I didn’t go to a doctor because it was expensive and I didn’t know about insurance. I decided to resign, but when I told my employer, he threatened to deport me. I ended up staying for three months before I finally broke free. Then I started looking for another job, one that would not take a toll on my health.

My friend found me a job as a caregiver in California. That’s where I live now. I share a place with a senior who needed help paying rent. I spend most of my salary on phone cards calling home, and while the job is steady, the landlord threatened to evict me because I am not on the lease. California’s eviction moratorium has prevented that for now. 

I came here to support my family, but I am still trying to save up enough money to see them. My son passed away from his illness last year and I was not able to be there. Many times, I wished that I never came here, that I never had to go through what I did. Had I known that what my traffickers had promised were lies, I would have stayed in the Philippines in the first place. 

All I want as a domestic worker is recognition. Domestic work is seen as a lowly job but it’s a decent job and it’s vital to society. We should not be ignored. We are important.

There are potentially thousands of domestic workers living across the U.S. right now, who have been trafficked and forced into labor while being subjected to many of the same inequalities other essential workers face. In fact, COVID-19 has only laid bare the dangers and abuses of domestic work that long predate the pandemic: low wages (often below local minimum wages), overwork, unhonored or nonexistent contracts, employer surveillance, lack of access to healthcare, and more. 

The ACLU’s petition demands immediate action to address these abuses, and draws from the expertise of four individual domestic workers as well as workers’ rights organizations including National Domestic Workers Alliance, Adhikaar, Damayan Migrant Workers, Centro de los Derechos del Migrante, Human Trafficking Legal Center, Fe y Justicia, and Pilipino Workers Center.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8247012 https://www.aclu.org/news/immigrants-rights/behind-closed-doors-the-traumas-of-domestic-work-in-the-u-s via http://www.rssmix.com/