#huh on other tales that lady legit destroyed my body

[kavehater]

Me somehow getting followers by being pathetic and annoying and insufferable on main

[thedungeonofbaddecisions]

Another beholder, this one blind, wanders into the library of the one we killed while we're exploring, humming a nursery rhyme

Beholder, in a creaky old lady voice: Who's there?

Aaeye: We mean you no harm.

Harry: Easy there.

Beholder: Who's there? Are you friends of my son?

Me, OOC: It's his- You're making us deal with the beholder's mother??

Beholder: Are you Argy's friends?

Harry: You know- yes, yeah, he had a couple of books about a couple of my friends here, so we wanted to see what he knew about us.

Beholder: Well, where is he? He's late for dinner.

Harry: I don't know; he stepped out for a little bit.

Beholder: He went out? Why would he do that? He never leaves his basement.

*whole party bursts out laughing*

Me, OOC: He lives in his mother's basement?

Harry: Well, you see, the thing is, he wanted to see if he could find a nice, uh, female, to bring home to you.

Beholder: What? Is his mother not good enough for him?

Harry: No, no no no, he wanted to make you proud!

DM: Roll a Deception check.

Matt: *rolls* Nope! That's a ten.

Beholder: My son has no interest in such things! All he does is sit and read his books!

Harry: Well, uh, yeah, I mean, I talked to him a little bit-

Beholder: You sound... untruthful. That will certainly not do!

Me: Wait, hang on, I want to say-

Aaeye: The important thing is that there's no need for further hostilities.

Me: Dammit.

Beholder: I beg your pardon?

Don:I can't do words.

Me: *OOC* Shh! I can help with this. *in-character* He didn't actually step out for a female, he stepped out for a book, my friend here misunderstood, he stepped out for a book ON females, I don't know exactly why-

DM: Deception?

Me: I didn't put ranks into Deception, but I've got a +5 anyways. *rolls* 17!

DM: Okay. She just kind looks at you oddly, but you notice that her eyes are kind of swiveling, trying to find focus on you, but it does look like she has cataracts, so she's probably blind. She's looking around the chamber, trying to pinpoint your voices.

Beholder: My son would never leave to find a book. He would simply command an organism to do it for him.

Me: Well, he seemed very determined to get this book on his own; I can't tell you why.

Aaeye: He was certainly determined about something, you know, I can tell you that.

Me, whispering: Stop talking. You're not helping. *to Harry* Also, you stop talking; you're not helping either.

DM: At this point, Raiya and Kanithar, you two are coming down the corridor. You notice that the passage in front of you, about sixty feet ahead, is blocked by this beholder, who seems to be scolding the people inside.

Me: And is clearly some sort of blind maternal figure.

Harry: I'm sorry, I did not catch your name, madam.

Beholder: Oh! I'm Mama Silax.

Me, Harry, and Aaeye: Mama Silax.

Me: Pleasure to meet you.

Mama Silax: Do you know where my son is?

Me: I'm sorry, we don't know. He wouldn't tell us where he was going. He just said he was going out to find the book.

DM: At this point, you watch as one large eye in the center of her face opens up, and this one, while the others are milky and kind of blinded, this one can see perfectly.

Me: Ohhhh, shit.

DM: As she gazes about the room, looking at all of you, and you hear an inhuman screech rock the chamber as her gaze falls upon the destroyed and crumpled remains of her son.

Me: Oh, fuck, we didn't get rid of the body!

DM: You can see tears forming, milky tears.

*whole party laughs*

Me: Should we roll initiative?

Don: I have a power called Emissary of Peace! *in character* There was a misunderstanding, a conflict that we tried to avoid but couldn't, our friend perished, your son perished, it was unfortunate. Let us not repeat this nastiness. *rolls* I got a 22!

DM: You see the milky tears form and drip to the ground. Where they fall, you see the carpet steam, like acid.

Me: Oh, great acid tears. Nothing is quite as frightening as a mama beholder's tears.

DM: She floats a little forward into the room, and where she heard your voice coming from, she just kinda plops down and leans up against you.

Me: Oh, amazing.

Aaeye: *awkwardly pats Mama Silax on the back*

Mama Silax: What happened? Please tell me of my son.

Harry, whispering: Blame the dead guy (we lost an NPC party member in the fight).

DM: Luckily, her hearing's not too good either.

Harry: Well, ahem, we heard tales of your son, and came up here to speak to him-

Mama Silax: I don't like you! I asked him *gestures to Aaeye*. You're a liar!

Me:We're so sorry, we just wanted to spare your feelings.

Aaeye: Anyways, we came up here to negotiate, and unfortunately, our leader and your son did not come to an understanding, and violence erupted, and unfortunately, neither your son nor our leader and dear friend survived.

Mama Silax: Dear heavens, why'd you have to take my son?

*Kanithar and Raiya enter and see Mama Silax trying to curl into a ball against Aaeye, weeping acid tears*

Kanithar, imperiously: Is it begging for mercy?

Aaeye: I am consoling her over the deaths that we have all suffered from!

Harry: It's a mother weeping for her kid!

Raiya, baffled: What?

Harry: It's a mother, weeping for her kid!

Kanithar: This must be some sort of deception. Abominations do not weep for their children.

Me, OOC: Oh, no, you don't say that to her face, do you?

Evan: I say that very loudly.

Me: Oh, no. Kanithar, no, Kanithar, no, you're going to get us all killed.

Kanithar, ignoring me: What are we doing with the creature?

Aaeye: We're having a moment of understanding for all of us, that we are all somebody's child.

Me: My parents are dead.

Harry: So are mine.

Me: I never met them.

Evan: Knowledge check to see what I know about beholders, and to see if this is unusual?

*Aaeye continues lecturing on unity in the background while Kanithar and Raiya put their heads together to see what they know about beholders and I make desperate "shut the fuck up" gestures at Kanithar, who continues ignoring me*

DM: This seems like normal behavior.

Me: What, crying beholders?

DM: Yeah, he's just like, "is this normal for beholders? Do they have parents?"

Me, to Evan: What, did you roll a one?

Evan:No, I got a total of 12, it just wasn't enough.

Me, belatedly realizing I should probably roll my own check: 24 Arcana? Are beholders a born creature or made?

DM: Yeah, they're born. They have parents.

Me: Oh, huh. So this is legit. This is awkward.

Kanithar:If this is indeed true, then destroy the beast so she does not spawn any further abominations.

Kirby: Jesus!

Harry: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Me: Kanithar! She's done nobody harm!

Kanithar:She does not belong here. She is a crime against nature!

Aaeye: She's part of nature.

Me: Kanithar, she's not going to spawn any more. She's clearly a widow, she's clearly-

*party starts laughing*

Kirby: Clearly a single mother-

Matt: Past menopause or kids-

Me: Look, I'm gonna try to be respectful about it, but she's clearly past her child-bearing years. She's mostly blind, she's mostly deaf, her son was the only thing she had; she'll be fine, just leave her alone, she'll die naturally. Or, unnaturally, as the case may be, but on her own. She'll die of old age.

(Long story short, we found out Mama Silax and her son were brought to this plane against their will. We brought back her son and sent them both back to their home plane as a compromise between Kanithar's desire to murder abominations and the rest of the party's desire not to slaughter a defenseless grieving mother. This conversation lasted a total of about twenty minutes, and it took me half an hour to transcribe ten minutes, so this is what you get.)