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trashbag-baby666 · 9 months ago

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I’ve Been Loving You For Quite Some Time-Ken/Curt

Summary: Curt takes a trip down memory lane when Ken finds his journal from his recovery.

WC: 2,360

C/W: Mentions of an abusive relationship, Curt losing his leg, and his guilt complex.

MOTA Masterlist!

Curt was out of the house today and Ken finally thought today would be the day to clean out their closet. Sometimes Ken liked having time to himself to clean, he could get their space organized. Plus it’s how they split the chores, Ken took care of the house and Curt took care of the animals.

Ken stared at the top shelf of the semi small walk in close, wiping his hand over his face. Okay, let’s start here. Ken pulled down the totes from the top of the shelf. Curt’s duffle from the air force getting knocked in the process. A navy blue moleskin journal falling to the floor of the closet. A photo falling out in the process. Ken had seen this journal before from back when they were still living with the Clevens. He picked up the journal and the photo flipped it over. The edges of the photo were worn, but he hadn’t seen this picture before. Ken was sitting on Curt’s lap with his arms thrown around his neck, their foreheads touching. The absolute sparkle in Curts eyes looking at him.

Ken flipped open the journal to tuck the photo back in. The page full of Curt’s messy scratches in black ink.

September 16th,

Can’t believe I’m still writing in this thing. I hate that it makes sense to write down the way that I feel. I don’t know if I feel anything, sometimes I just feel numb. The world is just passing by and I’m stuck here. The only time I feel something is when that sweet, sweet boy smiles at me.

Ken stuck the photo in the journal and closed it. It felt wrong to go through Curt’s journal. He’d set it aside for him to look at later, he thought it would be something important to keep. Curt had come so far in life after being dealt a not great hand of cards by the universe. He had come so far of adapting back into civilian life, he loved his job and he still supported his family. Even going as far as helping his mom get back on her feet and making sure Sawyer was doing well in college and helping him out.

Ken was just incredibly proud of Curt, they had a house, incredible nieces, their animals. Things had been really bad at one point or another but everything had figured itself out. They were happy.

“I’m home,” Curt hollered, tearing away Ken’s attention from the block of cheese he was cutting up. Then the sounds of Humvees nails clacking and his paws thundering down the hardwood floors. The dog running into the kitchen practically at a hundred miles an hour all hyped up from running the trails with Lady.

“Hey there,” Ken squatted down, the German Shepherd bounding straight into him, nearly knocking him to the ground. He giggled as Hums delivered enough kisses to Ken’s face to supply him for a lifetime.

“Can’t believe he’s not worn out.” Curt came into the kitchen immediately taking out his after workout, weird drink mix from the cabinet.

“How far did you guys go?”

“We went to the lake, Bucky thought he was going to have to put Lady in between him and the saddle on the way back.”

“Well, at least he’ll get himself worn out before we go to bed…hopefully?” Ken set down the knife, “Do you want some cheese?”

“Mhm,” Curt snatched a slice of cheese from the charcuterie board Ken had been working on, “Did you get to do your tidying up?”

Ken smiled to himself whilst slipping a piece of cheese to Hums. He knew Curt hated cleaning but he also hated the clutter, from years of growing up in a tiny cluttered apartment. “Yeah, I sorted through some clothes I wasn’t sure if you wanted to keep. They’re in the laundry basket on the bed.”

“I’m gonna go shower, but I’ll be back after, yeah?” Curt slid an arm around Ken’s waist pulling him into a kiss, “Thank you.”

“Yeah, you know I don’t mind doing it.” Ken pecked another kiss to Curt’s cheek letting him walk away. Hums staying at his feet waiting for another piece of cheese to magically fall for him.

Curt tugged his shirt off, wiping down his face with it. He needed the fresh air and to just talk to John today. They’d taken the horses out and went for a ride, the dogs chasing after each other on the trail. It’s what he needed.

Tossing the shirt into their basket of dirties he noticed a familiar, navy blue moleskin journal sitting on his nightstand. One he hadn’t seen in a couple years…maybe since they moved in? He grabbed it, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. God, he used to hate this journal more than he hated his now beloved physical therapist. He opened up a random page with a photo paper clipped in. John had become a menace of taking pictures, the instagram years were transforming into his Facebook mom years. Gale encouraged him by telling Curt that collecting good memories would be important to look back on.

Curt smiled down at the photo of baby Cordelia on his lap, setting it off to the side he stared down at the journal page.

August 29th,

We both slept through the night, last night. I’m proud of Ken but I don’t know how to say that. It sometimes feels wrong to sleep next to him, I was the one who broke up with him. I was the reason he was even with Dominic in the first place.

Gale keeps telling me that it’s not my fault, I wish my brain would agree with him.

Unfortunately, I have to write the positives since I’ll have to share this entry at my next appointment. John and I started career searching, I’m itching to get back in the air. I can’t even lie about that, a couple nights ago I had a dream I was back in the pilot's seat. Just absolutely clear blue skies, with some puffy white clouds. Ken was there too, sitting in the co-pilot seat. It was like some scene out of Top Gun, when Tom Cruise steals the plane to take that girl for a ride?

Curt clipped the photo back in and flipped to another page.

November 17th,

The days are inching closer to when I have to see my ma again. It’s not like I don’t want to see her, it’s just hard to be around her. She’s never sitting still and prodding all kinds of unwarranted questions. “When are you and Ken going to get married?”

I don’t know ma? I don’t know if we’re even ‘dating’ again, whatever that means when you’re 25.

“When are you and Ken going to buy a house of your own?”

I don’t know, Ma? I haven’t even been home for a full year.

I could go on, Gale invited her to the thanksgiving he’s hosting. I don’t know if his parents have even met her before and I’m not sure if I want them to meet her either. But she’s going to be there and everytime I call her she tells me how excited she is to see her boys together again.

Curt chewed on his lip knowing he didn’t really want to read any further. He loved his Ma but he had to set his boundaries with her, truly the thanksgiving dinner went well that year. He remembered taking a nap in the afternoon sun with Ken. Their curtains pulled back while the golden hour light pouring into the shared guest room.

Curt let a small smile pull on his lips thinking about it. He shut the journal knowing he’d return to it later. Ken was waiting for him and who was he to keep his husband waiting.

He returned to the journal later, instead of playing candy crush till Ken was done reading and went to bed.

Curt rolled over in bed turning on his lamp picking up the journal. “Oh yeah, I set that over there. It fell out of the closet and I wasn’t sure where you wanted it?”

“Yeah I glanced at a few pages earlier. I used to have to keep it for therapy.” Curt didn’t really like sharing his entries with others. If he really couldn’t get it off his mind, he would just talk about it with Ken.

“I remember seeing you with it.” Ken tapped his bookmark on Curts shoulder. Remembering the sleepless nights they would have together like some trauma bonding experience. Curt would lay on his stomach journaling and he would read or sometimes just stare at the ceiling or at Curt’s bare back. If he really could see Curt’s discomfort he’d murmur a soft Curtie and place a hand on his shoulder and begin to rub it.

“It always felt like this weird eye sore to me during the first few months. It made me feel like there was evidence of me going crazy.”

“I know, you used to hide it under your pillow when I came into the bedroom.” Ken snickered.

“I felt like some teenage girl writing in her diary about the boy she liked.” Curt rolled his eyes.

Ken side eyed him a small smirk with the dimples in his cheeks.

“Well I guess that’s exactly what it was…well it was 24 year old Curt.” He shook his head and kissed Ken’s cheek and settled back into the bed.

He picked the journal up flipping open to a page with a photo clipped in towards the beginning of the journal. The picture he suddenly could jump back in and live. Laying on the hardwood floor of the hallway in the Cleven house. Giggles erupting from both of them as Meatball licked their faces.

September 2nd,

I can’t even lie, I'm excited to write about this today. I actually laughed again…not just some fake laugh or forced but a real genuine laugh. My sweet sweet boy <3. He surprised me with a new pair of heelys, I always wore them back when we were younger. He’d chase after me once catching up, attacking me in kisses.

He wanted to help me learn to use them with my prosthetic. So that was today's task, especially since Buck wasn’t here to put a stop to it. I can still hear him back when we were younger “no wheels in the house guys. I’m not reliable for cracked open heads.”

Me and Kenny, we spent all day workin’ on it. I felt confident in myself so Ken stood at the other end of the hallway. I took a few steps hitting the wheels, I lost my balance though. Hit the floor, a moment of silence going between us before I started laughing. I just couldn’t stop something about this just felt so different. It’s like the wave finally titled and I could breathe again. I’m back home, I have Kenny, I have Buck and Bucky, my new niece…it still feels crazy to think about it.

Curt smiled to himself remembering him and Ken laying on the floor laughing. Meatball coming to check on them and proceeding to kiss them all over. Gale and John got home in the midst and John took the picture.

“Kenny,” Curt flipped the photo so Ken could look at it.

“That was such a good day.” Ken took the photo from Curt’s hands looking at it closer. But Ken was right, that was a good day. That day it almost clicked in Curt that everything was going to be okay. He’d have good days and bad days just like everyone else. Ken would heal from the trauma left from his ex. They were married for crying out loud. Curt definitely didn’t see that one coming.

“I’m so grateful for you,” Curt took Ken’s free hand, squeezing it gently, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I’m so glad I did it.”

“I love you so much,” Ken set his book on the nightstand laying down next to Curt. He quickly pulled Ken into the crook of his shoulder.

“I love you more, doll.” Curt peppered kisses onto Ken’s cheeks. Running a hand through his Carmel curls Curt placed a kiss on his head, “I’m glad I kept this.”

“That’s what I was thinking when I found it.” Ken traced his bare chest inhaling the scent of Curt’s musky aftershave, “You know I’m still so proud of you, Curtie.”

“I’m proud of you too, Kenny.” He always felt like the inconvenient time of him getting his leg blown off over shadowed Ken also going through a very traumatic time, “I feel like I don’t say it enough, I should. Because you’re so strong, you know that?”

“Don’t woo me, I have to work in the morning,” Ken snickered, lightly pressing a small kiss to his bare shoulder. Humvee let out a long exasperated sigh from where he laid on the end of the bed.

“Yes we will go to bed soon, Hums.” Curt chuckled, the dog was spoiled truthfully. He was their baby and he was used to getting what he wanted.

“He really told you to shut it.”

“He did, but I’m serious about my words. I should tell you how proud I am more often.”

“You’re doing a just fine job as a husband. I literally would give my leg too if that meant we could stay here forever just gazing at each other.”

Curt gave him a cheeky smile, “Well we could…”

“We have too many animals to take care of, we couldn't.”

“That’s true, Hums would throw a fit if he didn’t get his daily run in the field.”

“I love you so much, so much I can’t even tell you how much.” Ken leaned over, turning off his lamp and cuddling back into him. Curt takes in the scent of Ken’s lemony shampoo and rests his head on his shoulder.

“No, I love you more.”

“Mmm, wrong.”

“To the moon and back?”

“To Jupiter and back.”

Thanks for reading!!! Likes and reblogs highly appreciated! 💋💖<33

#what’s waited till tomorrow starts tonight au #masters of the air #mota #modern au #hs au but they’re older #curtis/lemmons #curtis x lemmons #curt x ken #kurt #ken lemmons #curtis biddick #humvee the dog #disabled characters #titled after a taylor swift song #trashbag-baby666 fics #theo writes

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