#however. i will say that i am happy for fallout fans but feeling very bitter and this could have been me about amazon elves

[winepresswrath]

Fallout is so delightful. I don't know that I have a lot to say about it but it's nailing the video game aesthetic, Lucy is adorable, the Ghoul is a spectacular Walton Goggins deployment, and I'm coming around on Maximus because he becomes infinitely more tolerable when he's sharing a screen with Lucy. Usually if I don't like a guy and then he's presented with a romance subplot he just finds new and worse ways to annoy me more but they're so cute together. I am rooting for him!

[dwimpala-67]

Whatever Happens....

My two cents on the whole Prequel-Gate ...

Warning: The opinions expressed are purely personal and have no bearing on any person and if they do it’s merely coincidental and are without intention. If you choose to read this, it’s solely at your own risk and the writer is not responsible for any consequences thereof.

Jared and Jensen have been at the heart of Supernatural for past fifteen years. J2 - along with the show have been the source of joy for everyone in the fandom.  We’ve seen them grow up, seen their friendship evolve and seen the way they interact with each other. We fell in love with them, with the beautiful friendship they share, and their compassion and empathy and strength and understanding. These two beautiful individuals weaved their way into our hearts. Somehow, they’ve become a part of our lives. And we trusted them, like we do with any individual that is close to us in real life.

The end of Supernatural was bitter sweet for many of us, especially the J2 shippers. We could see our beloved show being ruined and we all thoughts perhaps, it was time to end it but secretly still wanted a miracle to happen and the story line to be back to its true canonical nature without the OOC story line that was being fed to us. Then came the announcement that Supernatural would end with season 15. Even if we knew the it was inevitable, it was still a shock. We have a saying back in my culture: “Whatever has a beginning, has to have an ultimate end.” And true to that, it was time for Supernatural to end. It doesn’t mean we had to be happy about it. After all, this was the show that meant a lot, personally to many of us.  To see it coming to an end was painful, shocking, even heartbreaking. But we accepted it eventually because life must go on.

With end of the show, we had to accept another reality. To watch our lovely pair - Jared and Jensen- go their separate ways. For 15 years, there never has been a moment where J2 weren’t in each other’s pockets. We saw them refusing to acknowledge personal space, saw them making heart eyes at each other, saw them going on dinner and lunch dates, saw them living together, getting married the same year, saw them grow their family together, saw them living in Austin together, saw them doing campaigns together, saw them golfing together, saw them being there for each other, making each other smile, saw them having each other’s back. We practically saw their love blossoming - for some it was a unique friendship and for some it was more than that. I don’t mean to point anyone out here, but the bottom line is that everyone of the J2 fans saw an ideal relationship between two people we loved the most. We choose to believe in what we saw.  And for us to suddenly see them being away form each other was hard to digest. It still is!

But we chose to believe everything was good, because we believed what our eyes saw. The way Jared and Jensen talked about each other in interviews even after the finale, the way they spoke at the virtual conventions, the way they interacted on social media and even the few instances of fans seeing Jared in Colorado exactly the time it was Jensen’s birthday, the way Jared knew about Jensen’s Soldier Boy suit before anyone else, and I could mention countless such instances that made us believe that the relationship these two idiots share was special and perfect. The kinda thing that can be called “made for each other.”

One fine day, we came to know not everything was as we believed it to be. It turned out Jensen did something by not telling Jared anything about it when the latter has been an integral part of the original concept. Everyone was beyond shocked. Each one of us felt betrayed, angered, pained at the way our beloved pair had a public fallout. Some chose to take sides and some decided to leave the fandom while others decided to be angry and disappointed in Jensen. There was despair all around and no one knew what was going on behind the closed doors. The only thing we knew was Jared was hurt and Jensen was the reason behind it.

I won’t go into the what, why and how of the whole fiasco, because by now, everyone has their own theories as answers to these questions. I have mine too. I see these theories as some sort of “justification” from our side to make sense of the situation. It’s not wrong because we’re searching for answers. We’re also searching for answers we will never get. (Unless either of the J’s decide to speak on it.) But there are a few questions that I feel are important to be addressed.

Do we have the right to feel angry and hurt over the issue? Absolutely Yes.

Do we have the right to take sides? Of course.

Are our feelings of hurt and pain that we resonated with Jared valid? Hell yes.

Everyone has a coping mechanism and the initial emotions or reactions were absolutely valid. However, it’s what happened later that has me thinking.

1. Do we have the right to know what happened behind the scenes? Probably but we would never. There lies the uncertain feeling of “how should I proceed from here?” and “How do I feel about it?”

2. Do we have the right to demand an explanation or an apology from Jensen? Absolutely no.

3. Do we have the right to throw vile words at/abuse the people involved? Hell no.

I would like to look at the whole thing in perspective. This has affected many of us and perhaps woken us up with a hard slap of reality.

For all of the 15 years, we’ve been fed with the “happy couple” image and for us, maybe the boys became the image of the “perfect couple with no issues” and when there was a very public spat between the two, there was a serious damage to our perception. This is where people didn’t know how to react. Many spoke out their emotions clearly, many were sad, confused and scared and many decided to be bitter. Few decided to leave I have no problem with it, I don’t judge, as I said earlier everyone has their own coping mechanism.

I feel like the issue is, as fans we are here to celebrate and have fun and not become entitled to know the truth or demand answers from the celebrities. Sometimes we forget entitlement is a delusion based on self centeredness. The demand to know what happened or the demand for Jensen to apologize in a particular manner cannot be the way we deal with the situation.

We need to consider the fact that the people we idealize, in this case J2, are also that - “people” or “Humans” to be more precise. Humans make mistakes. Just like we do in our everyday life. the problem with celebrities is, anything they do feels like “more than life” size. Even a small compliment makes us go “aww” and a disagreement/misunderstanding makes us go “Omg! They’re enemies.” It’s normal reaction because we hold them in the highest regard like “celebs/fan favs can do no wrong.” So, when this happened with J2 everyone had a reaction like this was the end or it has ruined it for me, or I’m done with this fandom. There were also a few reactions like anger and entitled demands. I always say false sense of entitlement always brings you doom rather than happiness.

The fact remains, Jensen disappointed all of us. A huge blow was dealt to the “happy couple” image and we all were left floundering. I was observing the reactions and I suddenly realized I’m far too much invested into the lives of two actors whose lives are already complicated. I mean, after the entire chaos, I too felt sad, angry and disappointed. It was upsetting me more that it should. Fandom is a space where I come to escape from real life. But if Fandom starts affecting my real life so bad as to make me upset, I felt like there’s something wrong. It shouldn’t be the reverse of what I would rather have the fandom to be, which is a happy place or the place where I go too relive my stress. And if the apparent relationship status of two actors affects me this much, it’s time to take a step back, evaluate and then proceed.

the other day, I was reading a twitter thread full of theories and according to the fans who was right and who was wrong and etc, etc, etc. I found, it shouldn’t matter to me to judge who was right and who was wrong. I’m in no position to judge who felt what, because in no way am I the party involved in the conflict. It’s a conflict between J2, who had some issues obviously and they manages to talk about it and even let us know that they are good. Now, I personally, felt like if the J’s claim they’re alright, then why should I doubt or even theorize about how their friendship has taken a toll. If someone tells me they’re fine, I usually believe them to be fine, unless I see something contrary to the fact. In this case, either of the J’s didn’t comment further on the matter and just as I was watching everyone calm down, other elements decided to jump into the muddy waters and splatter it everywhere.

The interesting thing about Kripke’s tweet was “assumption.” This word “assumption” is a very interesting word and has the capacity to blow up even the most calming waters. So, Kripke assumed, and then based on Kripke’s assumption, everyone else assumed. I’m just pointing out what happened, in no way am I justifying any of the J’s behavior. Just a thought. So assuming Kripke was right we assumed Jensen deliberately kept Jared out of the project and the issue escalated even more. Everyone was jumping the gun and then as miraculously Kripke has tweeted, he also deleted those tweets. Then came the damage control.

When Jensen and Jared had tweeted about the “truce” I thought the matter was supposed to be put to rest. Perhaps Kripke deleting the tweets and then Jensen going back to promoting his prequel was their way of brushing off the conflict and focusing more on what was more important to them: The Winchesters prequel. Another theory to add to the already existing million ones..lol.

Does this mean we should be hateful and abusive towards Jensen? No.

Our feelings of disappointment are valid but it doesn’t mean I have aright to be abusive at Jensen. No matter how he acted nothing gives me the right to throw abuse at anyone unless I’m the one who’s directly involved in the conflict. They way I see it, as a fan, I was hurt and caught off guard but I am in no position to judge either Jensen or Jared, especially when they say they’re alright. I decide to trust them. I choose to trust them, just I chose to decide they were the made for each other friends in the past.

There’s this another saying that I remember “To Err is human, to forgive is Divine.” It’s not as if either of the J’s have been flawless as a person. Everyone has some shortcomings and so do they. As a fan, I need to find the same level of “acceptance” that I do when I’m in the similar situation in real life. As a fan I need to accept that Jared and Jensen too are going to have some issues going ahead in life. Just because they are actors doesn’t mean there won’t be miscommunication or misunderstanding. They’re not perfect. They are bound to make mistakes. Just think that because this was a very public fallout, we came to know about the disagreement, try to think that in past 15 years how many times did the J’s had these disagreements and had to deal with them without telling us? No matter how huge fan you are, no one can ever claim that they now what goes behind the scenes in the celeb’s lives and same goes with J2.

We know what kinda place Hollywood is, and the J2 tinhats already have theories about bearding and stuff, and yet the J’s have remained positive throughout. There must have been contracts and papers and the “powers that be” who are involved in regulating their lives. It’s one of the many countless possibilities. We don’t know many things about their lives (even we’d like to claim otherwise). The information we get is just a 0.01% of what actually is happening. All we do is “assume” on the basis of their SM interaction or the way J2 appear in public. It’s all imagery.

They’ve been a source for inspiration for many. So, a public fallout doesn’t mean we should overlook the past. But we choose to look at it in a way that is suitable to us. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that. If some of us feel like siding with Jared, it’s all good and if some of us feel like siding with Jensen, it’s all good. It’s their personal opinion and no one has the right to judge them or call them out for that.

For me, I’ve come to a conclusion that the secured bubble that I was living in has finally burst and given me a chance to look at things objectively. No matter what happens in future, I’m here to stay as long as I enjoy the fandom. If I let it affect me more than is plausible, perhaps then it’s time for me to rethink about the power I give the Fandom over me. Because it’s my choice. I alone have the choice to either let the negativity affect me or see the positive side. There’s a saying that goes, “You yourself alone are your own enemy and your true friend. The choice is yours.”

If J2 claim to be alright with each other, then I choose to believe them. Reason is simple. Because it helps me find some peace. It helps me cool down my emotions and helps me go back to enjoying the little things in fandom that bring me happiness.

 Don’t get upset with people and solutions because both are powerless without your reactions.

Let the drama continue....

After this, if you fell like unfollowing me, the door is always open.

In the end, whatever happens, happens for good. If it’s meant to be, then I’ll be the happiest and if it’s not, well, it’s beyond my control.

I love them both.

Peace and Love.

- A J2 fan.

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 107 Review

The more answers we deserved, the more miseries we earned. Even so, a new question is around the corner. This series continues to be a case of everything gone wrong. The upcoming anime season is almost here and it may be the medicine I need now. It was once a series that contained uplifting spirits, a new hope, and triumphant victories. The moment Eren wished to destroy the world (technically speaking), it all went straight to hell. This chapter answered questions, asked new ones, brought the fans to despair, and a sign of a downhill spiral to be continued.

The last chapter felt like a trend of good news and happiness. Under the surface, however, it was filled with consequences and this chapter exploits it with more concerns to be aware of. Eren is in jail and after this chapter, you would be wishing for him to stay there forever. I know he’s the savior in a sense, but his attitude has gotten rotten before his body has.

Hange went to visit him to discuss about the fallout. Two pages in, you will immediately notice the difference from their past days. I still remember how fun their chemistry were, especially when Hange endlessly talked about titans as Eren lost his sleep. Those days are so gone. She clearly tries to start a conversation, but Eren keeps ignoring her until he got fed up of her chatter. I felt bad for her when she remembers their first meeting; you can sense her sadness in her eye. Sadly for her, it’s only going to get worse.

The chapter then enters another flashback that takes place two years ago. Unlike the last time, this one is filled with shadiness and a choice that leaves no guaranteed promises. I like Yelena. I feel like I can trust her the most at the moment, which eerily doesn’t say much. Her expression about the promising day looks genuine; I can believe she truly feels hopeful.

The question about the Hiruzu’s presence at Marley is answered and it turns out they are working together with Paradis Island. It was expected but I’m glad we got that out of the way. I also like the small info of Hiruzu’s legacy that addressed their allegiance with the Eldian Empire. They also have a history of staying at the island; more reasons to side with them. The real interesting part is the connection between them and Mikasa.

Mikasa had a strange feeling of Kiyomi, the Ambassador, because of resembling appearance. Yelena chimed in and said that they are blood relative. That’s funny, because someone in the discussion board once thought Kiyomi is Time-skip Mikasa. I guess that fan wasn’t far off. To establish the connection, the family crest is a solid proof and Mikasa has a mark that was passed down from her mother. I don’t like how Eren essentially forced her to show it in a dominant fashion.

Kiyomi and others were awed by Mikasa. She recited that it has been rough for a nation, but seeing her on the island gave her newfound hope. So much so, Mikasa is now billed as Hiruzu’s hope. That’s quite the status to carry. I am intrigued though, since this could grant us a bigger focus on her background outside of being the protector of her only family. Nice to see Historia being playful to Mikasa’s once secret; it’s so like her. How charming it is to see Historia in high spirit…

The question about Zeke and Kiyomi’s alliance is answered, but one past info has been corrected. Zeke tried to reason with them that he’s the true Eldian Restoration Movement member. They knew about his history about turning against his parents, but he followed up with his reason. Before, it looked like he was a loyalist to Marley by selling his parents out. Now, he claimed that he only did so because he thought his parents were sloppy and would only fail in the end. Hooray?

If he didn’t act, Marley troops would have searched for the rebels and everything would have been gone. Zeke went with the option that would reward him in which we can clearly see now, but at a price of his parents, of course. Context or not, it’s still messed up. He reasoned with Kiyomi heavily, including noting that Marley has no knowledge of his royal blood. Probably the most convincing point of his argument was the vertical maneuvering equipment.

I was wondering when his discovery a while back would come into play. The inner depth of its functionality is what sold her. The equipment can only work if it contains a special kind of fuel called “iceburst stone.” Supposedly, they haven’t been mined outside of Paradis Island and yet, people don’t know its significant value except Hiruzu. With that type of resource, they will be wealthy as hell. It even has Kiyomi drooling over. I find that pretty shady. The sign of power hungry is there and with Mikasa being involved, I don’t like the possibility.

Everyone in the floor room discussed the three parts of “Earth-flattening.” The first part is pretty much intimidate the world by revealing some of their strength in public. The second part is Hiruzu’s part. The goal is to raise the military strength up to a global level that require no need for the weapon. It doesn’t sound so bad so far. The major downside is the time gap along with the third part.

Because of Paradis Island had been isolated from the rest of the world for 100 years, establishing a modern army would take a lot of time. How long? At least 50 years. At least we know what timeline the epilogue will take place. So how can they continue the process? By passing down the Beast Titan to the one with a royal blood. That’s right. Historia must become a titan shifter. That’s not all. She must give birth as many children as possible. Her charm just died…

I got to give Hange a credit for thinking logically and how the plan isn’t guaranteed for success, let alone the amount of time they have to wait. There’s plenty of chances to backfire, including relying on the future born children. Not to mention, they have to deal with users get chowed down to pass the torch. That would be fun to watch, right? Historia does agree to inherit the Beast Titan when the time comes. I know it’s her personality and I like that, but I don’t want her to be forced.

Eren decided to go with the “polite” choice and objected the plan. I guess I should applaud him to try to find another way, but realistically speaking, he’s the one that brought Historia into the subject of interest for all the wrong reason. Beside, with the knowledge that he declined the offer and tried to find alternative option, the present time now have me feeling bitter and disappointing. It also made Eren more of a prick than anything else. Care about his friends became a rare gem.

What comes next is a startling scene. Back in present, Hange has been trying to talk with Eren in a normal comradeship manner, but Eren proceeds to go somewhat crazy. He recalls that he ate the War Hammer Titan, so he possess a new ability in his arsenal. With that in mind, things go dark fast once Eren more or less threatens Hange.

The way how he intimidate her is unnerving but very alarming for where the story is heading. He pretty much said that he can escape at any time, so you can say he’s only there out of generosity. He’s still working with Survey Corps, but it’s how arrogant he came across that matters. What’s worse is he became way too cocky on his safety from anyone. It’s true that they need him and Zeke, but to use that notion to mock them is equivalent to a contract that allows the user to smack you all day and you can’t touch him without getting your family killed.

All of his anger is taken on her and she has no way to control his emotion. The only way she can “solve” is to walk off. It’s sad to see her failing as a Commander; at least when dealing with Eren. It’s no wonder she was upset of Erwin choosing her to take the role. Not saying she can’t be a good one, but the role was given untimely.

Speaking of sadness, the graveyard scene gets extended with Nicolo trying to pay his respect for Sasha. It’s the same guy who has a crush on her. I thought it was a small gag moment, but it’s actually neat that he has more role to fill. Connie’s lines hit me in the feels really good. He’s one character that I know well had connection with Sasha. Considering a friend like a twin sibling is always a strong indication of how significant that person meant. The line, “Losing half of me,” did it for me.

Not too long ago, I remember Anime Season 2 covered Sasha’s character, family and such, so I was glad to see her father return once again. It’s just a damn shame he returns now for this. No parents should bury their child. I want to salute Nicolo for being a man to honestly introduced himself and offer Sasha’s family to eat his dishes, free of charge. Only a chapter and a half and I already like this guy. For once, there’s one happy note out of this time-skip.

Before the chapter could end, it goes through a reel of developments from multiple locations. To begin with, Yelena brings the titanization formulas to the Survey Corps, only to get backstabbed soon after. Amazing how much more they are coming off more of a villain. In their defense, Pixis is taking a precaution measure, more so than portraying a full fledge villain. Still, it’s a selfish move; more reason to side with others.

Levi continues to treat Zeke like crap as much as possible without resorting to kill by giving him a “hotel.” It’s a good looking one; you can get a great view of the landscape. Seriously, he has to stay at the Titan Forest since it lacks resources for his Beast Titan to use. It’s a safe option I suppose. Zeke does find it interesting; would like Falco and Gabi to see it. Man, he really is a noble guy after everything that happened in the past. I guess he does have a sincere heart.

I can’t say the same for Gabi though. She and Falco pull an act for the guard to buy into her “sickness.” He then gets clobbered by a brick for a knockout, but she goes one extra step that essentially kills him. That shot to the head was brutal. Was that really necessary? She’s still traumatized by everything. It’s bad enough that she trusts no one in Paradis Island, but because of Zeke’s reveal, she doesn’t trust anyone now. I don’t know what lies ahead for her but death can come really soon if not calm.

Reiner finally wakes up. I wonder how long it has been since the battle. It’s strangely good to see others in Marley doing fine; lately, I feel Paradis Island truly are the devil. I don’t know if it’s a hint for a power or it’s a spiritually speaking, but he sensed Gabi and Falco from afar. In fact, he said he heard them. Again, not sure what direction am I supposed to take, but I’ll keep this in mind.

The last development is the most gut-punching one. We have seen nearly every original character in their time-skip design. We were missing Historia. This chapter finally introduces her time-skip self, watching the sun. At first, she was shown as a mystery since the panel was angled behind her. It was until the man calls her name that we learn it’s her. But the megaton is her appearance. She’s alive alright, but now, she’s pregnant. Who’s the father? It’s not Eren, that’s for sure. Being a pairing fan is suffering.

Seriously, this was hard to comprehend. She’s forced to give birth and the plan wasn’t established as far as I’m concerned. They’re supposed to wait, but here we are. It’s bad enough to see Historia all cheery in the past, now looking done with this world. The view shot of a woman sitting and watching the sun tends to mean a broken person.

All of this could have been avoided if Eren didn’t say anything after Zeke spoke about a potential to free Eldians. Eren is like the protagonist from a video game that revolve choices (ex. Life is Strange). In the past, he chose the right morale choices for the most part. As of late, he decided to go renegade or dominant, so all of his choices have been nothing but destructive to his friends. Did someone take a controller and decide to make Eren a tyrant or something? What a mess…

This was a pretty interesting chapter that continue to answer the questions we asked, only to ask more. With each new info, it leaves more and more discomforting thoughts for the future. At this rate, it might as well end Evangelion style if everyone’s future has an early dead end. There are multiple paths to look forward to, yet at the same time, feeling uneasy. Historia is pregnant and one would wonder if this is a secret or not. Eren has been drowning to the renegade’s route. There’s no way to undo it. He can only deal with it.