#however. I have social anxiety
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I’m never going to Levincia again I stepped out onto the streets for five seconds and Iono dragged me into one of her streams
If you saw me on Iono Zone no you DIDN’T
-Blake
#Iono is great I’m sure! I don��t watch her but I know she’s buddies w/ Raihan#however. I have social anxiety#you know the customer service smile?#yeah champions have that too#at least I did#I put on the champion smile for most of that stream#no shade to Iono I swear#I’m just bad at saying no#the stream didn’t even go that badly I was just a little awkward that whole time#pokeblogging#unreality#pokemon irl#pokeblog rp#pokemon oc#pokemon#trainer blake#blake’s paldea shenanigans
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Honestly it is a bit crazy to me how at 22 I am at a very typical age for someone seeking an OCD diagnosis despite having spent like half my life in therapy why is this disorder so massively underdiagnosed
#I have had soooo many mental health professionals attempt to treat my anxiety only for none of it to really work because it felt like my#anxiety was fundamentally misunderstood#like no I'm not really anxious about giving a speech or meeting new people or whatever#at least no more than what is considered normal#I am however terrified that I am going to accidentally poison myself and am therefore extremely careful about what I eat#or yknow#I'm not truly socially anxious I just spend hours every day ruminating over my relationships with other people#to the point where it severely impacts my ability to date anyone because my brain causes me to second guess everything#like I'm gonna be honest babes I don't think generalised anxiety is what's causing me to wash my hands until they bleed
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Francesca Bridgerton has SAD
This new season of Bridgerton has been absolutely amazing with Polin, Eloise scenes, Violet being Violet, and, of course, Francesca Bridgerton. She is such an interesting character to me, and extremely relatable to many people. She has become my favorite character in the franchise due to how much I relate.
I think everyone agrees that she is an introvert, it's been confirmed by Julia Quinn and everything. Having her social battery run out, enjoying solitary activities such as piano forte, being overstimulated by crowds, needed time to herself, preferring to be a wallflower, sitting in companionable silence ect. She is very different from her sibling, and it's refreshing to see an introvert in the Bridgerton family.
One thing I couldn't help but notice is the anxiety she has when she's social. Now someone isn't necessarily neurodivergent or has a mental health issue if they're an introvert but there is a higher likelihood because of how many signs overlap. Francesca is a character that I've noticed many people, introverts or nuerodivergent people especially, relate to. I honestly think it's amazing! But I haven't seen many people talk about the clear signs of anxiety she has.
She fidgets a lot in social situations, avoids eye contact, anxiously follows social situations until she's told by someone it's okay to take a break or to go play piano. Avoids being social but will mentally prepare herself if she has to go to events. She wants to be done with these situations as quickly as socially possible, which we see when she leaves multiple balls early. There are so many signs but the biggest one for me is the faces she makes.
Hannah Dodds has done an amazing job showing the rich internal life of Francesca. The faces she makes show clear thought and internal dialogue without any of it having to leave her mouth. The anxiety she has before meeting the queen and having everyone look at her, the panic when she is surrounded by multiple suitors who don't follow her practiced dialogue (they went off script!), the relief when she finally has time for herself and can get away, the nervousness when she's dancing with a suitor because if she messes up everyone will see and judge her. All of it leads me to believe that she is a very socially anxious person.
All in all, I see her as an introverted person with Social Anxiety Disorder and relate to her so much because of it. It's something more people should talk about. When we see Social Anxiety on screen or in TV it's almost always someone who never leaves the house or has a panic attack when people start talking to them. It's almost always portrayed as debilitating and generally becomes the personality or quirk of the character. There definitely are some people like that but SAD is often fairly functional. We can go to social events, talk to people, be in a crowd, ect.
A lot of the time an underlaying anxiety throughout the interaction and you have an internal monologue telling you to not to mess up. To avoid judgement. Asking if this is okay to do? Do i look weird doing this? Are they laughing at me? When is it okay to leave? Can I go to the bathroom now or is the timing weird? Am I making eye contact too long or too little? Can i find somewhere away from people? Most of that stays internal but it can have few outwards signs. Things like avoiding eye contact, or figeting, making a face, trying to find a way to escape a conversation. All things we see Francesca do. It's so nice to see a mild form of social anxiety on screen for a change. Someone who can live their life despite the anxiety and is so much more than just their disorder.
Even if you don't agree with me and you think she's just an introvert, or she's shy, or she's on the spectrum, or anything else. I find it amazing how many people see themselves in her. That she can be seen in so many different ways, and have so many people love her without being a loud or gregarious person. She's quiet and has a rich internal life, and so many of us love her for it.
#bridgerton#francesca bridgerton#social anxiety disorder#introvert#bridgerton season 3#people can see her however they want to#and i think that's neat#i have another character that i can project my problems on#to me she is an inteovert and has SAD#social anxiety#it absolutely sucks#especially if youre surrounded by extroverted cinfidant people who are never anxious#aka my family#aka the bridgerton family
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Can't believe this creature is over 18. Not only that but aside from some arthritis and being incredibly round (because my dad won't stop spoiling her with extra feedings) she's in almost perfect health??
Have some Ashallah pics, enjoy this screaming creature
#we share a bday actually#down to the hour on the actual day#however i am 5 years older than this little freak#cats#cats of tumblr#siamese#i have STORIES about her#she was a fucking DEVIL when she was younger bc she was really badly socializes#socialized*#we rescued her from a... bad house to put it lightly after her father tried to kill her#the other kittens were taken in by others as well#but the father didnt try to kill any of em for whatever reason so they were able to stay for the proper time#we got her at 4 weeks. we didnt know how to socialize a kitten.#she was a demon#as she and i both got older i started to properly socialize her#now she cuddles and is a lap cat when before she attached herself to my face w her claws#im proud of her in her old age#just wish she would stop shitting under my futon when im away from home overnight.#(thats not a health thing or even an anxiety thing. she just is a dick who needs me to know#that she's NOT happy that i LEFT her ALONE ALL NIGHT as if my dad doesn't fuckin live here too)#menace of a cat id cry if anything bad happened to her so hard
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ok, serious lore implications aside. but why does tav look like theyre saying "he said no PICKLES"
#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3#my tav is a self insert of myself#so its even funnier bc i am NOT the confrontational type#i do not fiercely proclaim to the mcdonalds worker that my twink friend doesnt want pickles on his happy meal cheese burger#i am in fact the creature that quivers in fear at asking cashiers anything#however i have improved my social anxiety by asking in the meekest most pathetic goblin way possible#see we can improve#i think karlach would be the one to talk to the cashier for me#if i was in said position and karlach was real#gobchats#also hi astarion romancers how art thou#again it feels weird posting outside of the gale tags
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Since everyone is posting Rooks, wanted to show off mine:
Yarina "Found In a Crypt, Raised In a Cave, Who'd Have Thought That Human Connection Is Something I Crave" Ingellvar, who is apparently the protagonist in a story about a sheltered introvert forced to interact with people, only to suddenly find out that this shit is actually pretty easy.
#the thing is#while I do not think that in most cases they come from a place of intellectual honesty#I do have to agree with comments about there being almost no real aggressive or confrontational options in Rook's default lines#it does hurt the the experience I think#those are very rarely the options I want to choose but their existence tends to add meaning to the 'nice' ones#so that's a noteable weakness of veilguard's writing imo#however at the same time I find that it is a good thing for me personally#since it ended up giving the bottom option lines - which tended to be the aggressive and self-serving ones for Hawke and Inquisitor#a lot more of 'calmly confident and to the point' vibe#which really made Yarina's personality click for me#Before starting the game I wanted to really lean into the Mourn Watch angle with her#and play someone who spent more of their life among the dead than the living and so#while competent and well-meaning#has all the social skills and graces of a potato#but it very quickly became clear that with the lines available to Rook this isn't really an option#so instead emerged Yarina who is very new to the world outside of Grand Necropolis#but whom her sheltered upbringing robbed not of social graces#but instead of ANY form social anxiety#and who - upon venturing out into the world of Thedas had discovered that it is very big and scary yes#but also that she has the fattest hog and the biggest horns around#and that apparently its possible to be confident and assertive without being an asshole#so I am having a lot of fun with her right now#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age rook#qunari
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being extroverted must be awesome imagine feeling nothing after telling someone "wow youre REALLY quiet". im going to talk less around you now 🫶
#i know i got anxiety like a motherfucker and as much as i love my cave where my objects of comfort are i also like going places sometimes#there was a time where id go to a store and then do what i needed and then exit the store#nowadays i find myself yapping at The Store especially if i need help getting something done. etc#also sometimes people at Places are such dicks the best way to get them to fuck off is to mind your own business#assholes need an audience and people who arent assholes wont demand your attention you feel me?#i am less scared of people these days 👍 the interactions however#scripting is at times my friend and also my flop. i know what to say on what days with select people in my kingsley-safe zones#but if anything goes off script ... flop. meltdown. fear. anguish. death. dying. death.#i feel like these kinda conversations get TOO heavy handed on treating introverted people as these self righteous misanthropes#who are too full of their own selves and their own time to want to reach out and build connections#and i feel like its just unfair and it pushes introverts further into their caves#i aint a fucking doctor nor am i a people expert. im not a people person. i dont trust easily and i dont speak unless spoken to#or unless im on tumblr lol#but i do know that it cannot seriously be helpful to NOT help socially awkward people. where do yall get off on calling anyone immature#for not being 100% type a?#that doesnt make anything better. that doesnt encourage conversations and that for fucking sure doesnt encourage people#to step out of their bubble#ok im mostly rambling because there are times where tough love advice is warranted but there are times where its bullying disguised as TL#i know this is the 'ummm why dont you have friends party and socialize more???' website but idk. it could not be!#anyway proud of myself for not freaking the fuck out during a conversation at the collectors store today#proud of myself for being able to goof off in public and proud of myself for staying the fuck home when i wann stay the fuck home
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i could write a 2 hour video essay on why the stardew valley fandom is wrong for hating clint
#im not going to do that but i could#i have so many opinions about this#im just saying if you hate clint but then you love SHANE? then the only reason you hate clint is bc you hate fat people#im a shane lover too he was my first sdv romance but like you cant tell me with a straight face that clint is worse than shane#if clint had shane or sebastian’s sprite the sdv fandom would be alllll over him#y’all would be like ‘he’s just my shy smol bean poor socially anxious baby🥺❤️’ or however fandoms talk about their designated sexymen#he isnt even an incel hes literally just got anxiety like you guys have no idea what the word incel means
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to all my active followers
If even one person is reached by my reblogging right now then that's an impact however small
You can do the same
Please do whatever is in your ability wherever you can
Do not look away
And if you are ignoring everything then just unfollow me. How could you?
I needed to say it. No one should get too comfortable around here because I am reblogging instead of posting directly but there I said it.
Read my tags. This holds as my view for now and for- god forbid- any other tragedy that occurs.
If you KNOW me and want to talk personally about this or anything than DM me. I'm opening them up.
#I hope this doesn't seem performative#Still processing a lot#But people this is more important than whatever the theme of your blog is#Regulate your social media if you can sure but#COME BACK#don't just stop forever#Or now#That's what I think and genuinely if you're ignoring everything#I used to be like that and let me tell you there is no justification#Please give a shit#People are dying#And if you don't care to try and help however small#Get out.#I say#Important#Txt#And if we're friends...please don't break my trust in you like this#I have a lot of anxiety but eventually will try to reach out atleast once#After that it's on you#And I'm a small blog...I know who are most of the people who follow me#Look...I don't view you hostilely right now...#I'm just asking from one human to another to have the compassion#You know? Please
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you seen that comic about how you shouldn't expect the worst outcome bc then it's happened in your head no matter whether it happened in real life? it's full of shit. constant anxiety and relentless self-policing allowed me to go by plane to a conference with hundreds of unmasked people who had also been on planes and not get covid
#like that is genuinely useful advice for social anxiety. however.#having covid in your head is really really not as bad as having covid in real life.#whether I would be able to wear a mask so consistently if I DIDN'T have an anxiety disorder is a different question. a moot question.#gratuitous personal post
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1:30am. plagued by thoughts of michael and everything going on in his tiny 10-13 year old head :(
#like obviously. problems and issues then on and before SKDJFMG#but yeah while a lot of his behaviors as a young teenager are influenced by home life (ranging based on portrayals but i always make sure#it’s got similar roots and feelings) as well as social standing a LOTTTTT OF IT is very extremely tied to mental illness that did not get#acknowledgement or treatment.. that was the age his very intense depression started to come in Swinging along with increased anxiety/panic#and. neurodivergence is still a greyer area because it’s definitely there in the way i write him but how it mixes with ptsd#(plus the question of how much of that is just. Me LMAO) always has me ??? about making the call i’ve talked about this#BUT YOU GET THE POINT THERE’S A LOT!!!#he’s gutwrenchingly depressed and in pain and has been TAUGHT by observance and emotional neglect and [insert other aftonisms here] to Bury#that and is so convinced his emotions are a sign of weakness and That’s Why He’s Not Good Enough so he compensates however he can#and there’s no excuse for what it snowballs into but ohh my god JUST GET THAT BOY ON SSRIS#he didn’t even have the words for so much of it but there were so many aspects of himself that he was utterly convinced made him wrong#his actions become as drastic as they do because it’s EVERYTHING around him reinforcing the root problem#how am i supposed to sleep when im sick about him#⁂ ・゚: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc
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you know im realizing now. with the exception of a few resident psychiatrists, ive had like. no good experiences with mental health professionals
#most recent occurance is eating my brain alive right now because I feel just so. degraded and offended by how she chose to evaluate me#I won’t get into it because it will make me spiral even more and get angrier and more overwhelmed but tldr she didn’t acknowledge#anything I said about my symptoms both out loud and via written test. chose to ignore or dismiss anything that came from me#as if I couldn’t be trusted to recount my own experiences and feelings. also did not take into account that I am an adult and thus have Had#to learn to mask and shit so while she brushed off So Much Shit because i seemed (in the three hours she met/saw me)#functional Enough. that’s only becuaee I put in a Lot of effort every day to do so. and that effort does not last forever#and of course because. like I said I’m an adult. I’ve been yelled at I’ve been punished I’ve been put through courses and#through the ringer of Society in general to the point where I mimic Normal Person Behavior at least somewhat decently when im prepared to do#so. she treated me like a child and didn’t acknowledge most of my major issues. ignored me when I said I don’t avoid social situations out#of fear/anxiety I avoid them because it takes a lot of energy for me to mask and try and read people and act accordingly#and in her report suggested generalized anxiety. part of the reason I was there is because anxiety HASNT ever properly described my#avoidant behavior.#and just. yeah I said I wouldn’t get into it but here we are. this always happens#it’s just eating at me because I keep realizing more and more things she just fucking disregarded. literally wrote that I ‘listed many#relevant symptoms’ and kept it at that. did not actually give those symptoms any validity. basically just implied I was listing things#just. becuase?#some shit was just blatantly wrong like claiming that I have a variety of interests when I told her outright that I can only be interested#in one specific interest at a time- example being the entirety of last year being only interested in One (1) video game. and this is to such#an extent that it’s difficult to make and maintain friendships because I have no interest in anything else but that One Thing for however#long and won’t care about other things people try to get me into in order to have something in common with me or whatever or just. yeah.#issues.#she didn’t acknowledge the issues I have with low empathy or overstimulation. didn’t acknowledge my history of taking things literally to#such an extent that it has caused problems with people. didn’t acknowledge anything that was self-reported and not being displayed in that#moment right in front of her eyes. it’s just. really really disappointing and. yeah degrading honestly#especially because it took months upon MONTHS to get this fucking appointment#and to just be not listened to and dismissed.#anyway. yeah I’ve also just only ever had really shallow relationships with therapists (at best)#and have never felt helped by them or like they ever put in much effort to try to Get to me so to speak. only my psychiatrists have#been open minded and Listened to me. but they were always residents so they’d leave in a year or so. I don’t have one at this point.#kibumblabs
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hellaur °3°
#i’m on a mini hiatus because life is overwhelming!! however i wanted to share some little life updates that have happened hehe :>#🌩️#so for context i am a trans man#and i handled a full appointment with my GP (family doctor) on my own which is HUGE#because being autistic i usually need someone with me incase i go mute with anxiety or stutter too bad#and it was an extra stressful appointment because i finally told my GP about my plan to medically transition and got put on the notorious#GIC waiting list ;-;#☁️#and i got her to change my name in the system since this week i also finally completely my legal name change!!#i’ve been socially transitioning for a good few years now so it’s nice for my legal name to match hehe#kaspar!! (kaz for short)#and i’ve got a bunch of legal stuff to do which is why i am overwhelmed and have no time to gif ><#anyways i am proud of myself!!!!#⛅️#how are my beloved followers and moots doing?? pls send asks i miss interacting with everyone </3#kaztalks
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I just want everyone to know you don't have to be afraid to talk to me. Send me an ask. Message. whatever you want.
#I'm absent from pretty much everywhere usually because chronic illness makes me too tired to do much#and I also have severe social anxiety myself#which makes talking exceptionally hard. however. I do crave human contact and I appreciate everyone I've talked to.#Everyone's been really wonderful in this corner of the fandom which is so rare. Ganonfans are the real mvps. seriously.#I might take forever to respond though fair warning... due to reasons already mentioned ^ and I'm sorry abt that.
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there really is something so devastating about having a parent that has a literal degree in psychology (specialized in child psychology) who worked as a birth to three child developmental resources coordinator for like fourteen years and knowing that because of those things, they will never believe you when you think you have something because they think they know more than you and also know you better than you know yourself. and in any scenario the only way they will EVER agree with you is if they came up with the idea of the diagnosis first. wild shit honestly
#i love my mom#i really do#however she fully does not believe i am autistic#although she does think i have depression/generalized anxiety/social anxiety/adhd/ocd tendancies/sensory issues/auditory processing issues#like girl. the umbrella diagnosis for these things is literally right fucking there. its autism#but no! she doesnt think thats right and she never says it directly to me but she makes it abundantly clear#she doesnt believe in self diagnosis even after multiple years of research. shocker#she really is holding onto that psych degree that she got 20 years ago for dear life#like bestie update your fucking research. this is literally your job.#when i go to u and am like woah this list is genuinely a record of like half of my literal personality traits but instead of being listed#as personality traits theyre characteristics of autism#u should be like wow! yeah youre right! thats crazy idk how i missed that but now we know!#not yeah. hm. we can go get you diagnosed if you want#(implying that she will take me to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed soley so that i can be proved wrong)#anyways. its just like. absolutely bonkers to me#aiilov-personal
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📓🖊🧸🏢😣
#my old sorta friend from high school messaged me last night and was like hii do u wanna meet up tmrw and go to a cafe???#so i said yes for a few reasons...#however im sooooo anxious and i just wanna stay home lol#not only is it the having to put all my energy into trying to pretend to be a person capable of a conversation#but also like.. i dont have a buss pass so i have to be vigilant for controllers so i dont get fined#and then she said lets meet at a cafe. and i didnt wanna do that whole thing of like ohh im poor i cant afford that actually#so now im so anxious abt money bc i really cant afford stuff like that. esp not this last week i have like $30 covering stuff for 9 days :(#if i had more time than half a day i wouldve told her smth abt how i cant eat or drink in front of other ppl#which is also true but i dont feel as embarrassed saying that as i am that im poor lol#like yeah im not even as anxious abt meeting her again after 4yrs or trying to socialize with someone other than my mom#it's just all the anxiety surrounding money lol. and i think that no one except other ppl who are poor can get that#just one item from a cafe can get me food to sustain me for 3 days. so i dont wanna spend it on a cafe. but it's too late to now ://#i dont wanna ruin the fun for her and ask if we can just do smth that spends no money lmao. ughhh im gnna have sooo much anxiety over this
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