#also hi astarion romancers how art thou

[horridgoblin]

ok, serious lore implications aside. but why does tav look like theyre saying "he said no PICKLES"

[gemshroud]

I was thinking more about Entreri in BG3 and wrote this post in my head in bed last night lol

Ranking BG3 Companions By How Likely Entreri Would Be To Romance Them

Caveats: This has no bearing on rp if you write any of these characters btw, this is just for funsies. Also please understand that despite this ranking Entreri is most likely to just never fuck and I love that for him :) Withers vc: Thou art bitchless?

#1 - LAE'ZEL

Most likely to romance. He gets her and actually respects her a great deal. (Looking at the rest of the party) "Why are you all being so precious about this? She's right and knows more about mindflayers than any of us." Entreri would also appreciate the Act 2 love battle A Lot.

#2 - ASTARION

They're more similar than Entreri would probably like to admit. Bonding over sexual trauma unexpectedly breaks some of his walls. Neither of them know wtf they are doing but they will be ride or die about it, will screw over everyone else here and run away together if needs must. Murder husbands.

#3 - SHADOWHEART

They would probably have a weird little mutually antagonistic start because they're both mean and cagey and Entreri hates clerics. But they wind up having more fun in that rivalry than expected. Entreri also hates Selune for Reasons. It would start as appreciation for Shadowheart's competency but could easily become "oh no, I care about this strange woman's tragedy and want to see her escape her circumstances in a way that's uncomfortably familiar, oh fuck."

#4 - WYLL

Entreri's dynamic with Wyll would be so fascinating. Wyll is a lot like Drizzt. Entreri would deeply resent and chafe at Wyll's idealism and yet Wyll is skilled enough to back it up so... Oh! How Entreri seethes!! Wyll meanwhile is probably more amused than anything. Very much one-sided nemeses LOL Entreri vc: I don't know how to flirt with him so I have to declare him my enemy.

#5 - MINTHARA

Ngl his initial response to Minthara would be "I am not getting involved in more drow bullshit" which is fair. Perhaps surprisingly, he would also deeply hate attacking the Grove. He's actually not about unnecessary violence or violence just for the sake of it against ordinary people, and he probably relates to the tieflings on some level despite not really caring to help them. Go figure. However... Act 2 Minthara and onward... "There are no gods left for me"? He would vibe with that mightily.

#6 - KARLACH

Honestly he probably likes her a great deal, but perhaps she is too good for him LOL

#7 - GALE

He would get along fine with Gale if they actually talked but they probably don't. Entreri is probably mildly annoyed by him LOL

#8 - JAHEIRA

This ranking is mostly for Jaheira's disinterest tbh. Entreri probably respects her the most of anyone here. They would gossip so venomously and so beautifully together.

#9 - HALSIN

Similar feelings as with Gale - just kind of mild annoyance. Also Entreri has the carnal desires of a ball of lint so sorry, not really interested in climbing the bear man.

#10 - MINSC

Entreri hates this man so deeply.

Bonus:

RANDOM NPCS ENTRERI WOULD GET ALONG WITH (platonically):

Derryth Bonecloak, Mol, Madame Lucretious, Zarys, Gortash, Nine-Fingers Keene, Wulbren, all the little gnome terrorists tbh, Lakrissa, Grendel

RANDOM NPCS ENTRERI WOULD HATE:

Cazador, Volo, Kagha, Nere, Naaber, Dolly Dolly Dolly, Raphael, The Emperor, Ketheric Thorm (dad issues), Florrick, Ulder Ravenguard, the Underdark fish guys lol

[umbralsong]

Astarion & Intimacy

Astarion: The man of your dreams, the hope of him, is your own worst enemy.

Am I ready? NO. Do I have to be ready? All the fucking time? In this economy? I'm just going to collapse dramatically, on a personal note. Also, this may be best as a work in progress somewhat.

I want to acknowledge his resonance with [sex workers]. Check out this author's excellent [fan fiction] handling the matter and the nuances.

His arc is understandably very personal to survivors of sexual abuse, so please take care as you go along and know you aren't alone. These observations are meant to be a character analysis and my personal interpretations.

Oh, Megan Thee Stallion, we're really in it now. I mean, we were before, but now also more.

The United States is experiencing an exponential rise in racism and hate crimes thanks to our [gutless, greedy leaders]. Racism is a system of oppression and an ideology of dehumanization, not a quirky character flaw. [Fandom has forever been a place used by extremists to recruit]. I've addressed issues surrounding the element of racism in Astarion's writing [here]. I would also like to highlight issues surrounding the portrayal of sexual slavery highlighted [here] by the excellent Stitch Media Mix.

Donate to Gaza here: https://gazafunds.org/ Support good causes with a click here: https://arab.org/ Ceasefire Now: https://ceasefire-now.com/ Donate to the [Sidewalk School] [Pay your rent], settlers. [Crips for E-Sims for Gaza].

Astarion has a fraught relationship with intimacy.

We meet him at the start of his new un-life. He continues to operate as though under Cazador's control. He hints at the things he had to do and only discusses it frankly in Act III. He was a sex slave to the vampire who sired him with no autonomy. Whatever affection or attraction he felt, he always had to deliver them to what he assumed was death on command:

Astarion: Ah, the bedrooms. Never once slept in. This is where I took our 'guests'. I'd entertain them here, until Cazador appeared and... took them away.

Vellioth and Cazador have rules. Here they are respectively:

Vellioth's first lesson is always to dominate. Allow none to be your equal. Vellioth's second lesson is that power comes from solitude. To share with others is to be weak, and to be weak is to fail... and die. Vellioth's third lesson is to act not in haste. A near immortal has time to plan, time to act only when others will pay the price of action.

How they were adapted in relation to Astarion:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. Four, thou shalt know that thou art mine.

*sigh* So, understandably, his view of relationships is like:

Astarion: You never asked me to take my shirt off. I always thought they were a sign of my humiliation. I never realised there might be more to them. But Raphael told us he can make the impossible come true. I have to try my luck. Player: We really shouldn't trust him. Astarion: I don't trust him. He doesn't trust me. We are using one another for our mutual benefit. You should try it some time.

(idk if this is cut or not, but I found it interesting.)

Give his, um, "approach," there is an understandable question of how much of his romance is sincere. Mechanically and as far as the story is concerned, it begins with enough influence/on the first night he spends with the PC and he says things to indicate as much later. I do still understand why this would leave a sour taste in other player's mouths and come off as unnecessarily manipulative, considering it's not a conversation you can hash out with Astarion.

This is as close to confronting him about his intentions in Act I. I believe this happens if you slept with him once and never spoke to him again until Act II (RIP players with ADHD):

Astarion: Seeking to correct your mistake? Player: I'm not sure. I feel there's something you haven't told me. Astarion: Perhaps you got the wrong idea. I never slept with you for pleasure alone. Couldn't you tell? Back in the forest, we both came out on the winning side. The game was clear. You get a moment of escape with a world-endingly beautiful vampire. I get someone to defend me from Cazador. Now, though, I'm hardly going to give you a treat when you haven't helped me in exchange for my excellent services. Player: You were just tricking me into thinking you wanted me in earnest? Astarion: This is what I do. Who did you think you were dealing with? Some fairy tale prince? You are one of a tiny number of people I've slept with who aren't dead. Cheer up, it's quite the achievement! There isn't going to be any more 'us', though. I just don't see the point.

("Treat." Interesting. He has many allegories to consumption, gluttony, greed, and the ouroboros. He also has a tendency to behave and speak like Cazador in his idea of fairness. We may glean a lot about Cazador from Astarion's initial interactions.)

To acknowledge the depth of the wrongs he unwillingly committed with his own hands and the hurt he felt would be psychologically overwhelming compared to pretending to be someone like the perpetrator he was forced to emulate (and who notably pretends not to hurt). It is not always healthy to tear through someone's defensive adaptations, even though people still have to make amends.

His trauma with intimacy is not only with others, but with himself. Personally, I interpret his Act I scene as his first consensual attempt at intimacy, both in sex and in his trauma, in body and soul, embodied by his scars.

Initiating the Romance

He's a vampire, so we're playing into the seduction trope to begin the romance. My demipansexual ass believes there is room for an ace route since *gestures at Karlach and the topic of this essay,* but I digress.

The game takes two interesting tones, depending on whether you have high approval when he propositions the PC or propositions at the Tiefling/Raid party. I'd argue the former is slightly more affectionate than the other, but they're both good for different reasons and for different Tavs.

Should he initiate a relationship with the PC, he sets expectations early on. He's afraid of returning to Cazador's control even with a lot of influence, so he keeps the PC at arm's length and sticks to his One Night Stand routine. He's hilariously taken aback at the party by being asked to say "please." Devnotes for the party:

After the party, Astarion is standing in a corner, bottle of wine in hand, in a bad mood. Everything's too merry for him, not hedonistic enough. But there's the possibility of a little hedonism with the player, if you both agree to meet up for a little 'fun' later in the night. That's a tantilising thought - there might be something to look forward to after all.

High approval (and acting, uh, much more agreeable than my Tav to demonstrate Astarion's double-edged language):

Astarion: Darling, I was just thinking about you. Remembering our time together, the things we've shared - and I don't just mean that lovely neck of yours. I'm growing to like the whole package, honestly. And you clearly like me too, so... Player: What gave it away? Astarion: I could feel it as I was getting lost in your neck. Your little shakes of excitement. You enjoyed it, didn't you? Player: Yes, I did. Astarion: So did I. More than words can say. You deserve a reward. I am so very pleased with what you gave me. We could take an evening to ourselves. Get away from camp - get some privacy. I know somewhere quiet. Somewhere intimate. Somewhere we can... indulge in each other. Player: That sounds pretty good to me. Astarion: Wonderful. I just hope we don't have to wait too long before we can steal away. But once we can, I promise you a night you'll never forget. See you there, lover

The devnotes say "wonderful" is said with a big smile.

He'll be disappointed if you choose to spend the night with someone else in both situations, though he plays it off with his classic icy facade - the defense mechanism against emotional intimacy he developed under Cazador.

This is hard to articulate because it is entirely based on emotional logic, but I'll try my best. A gentle reminder that Astarion can reject the PC, so the fact this is one of the first acts of intimacy he chooses to engage in is important. This is the beginning of his romance, however you headcanon the event for the couple. It is partly what is a real romance scene, even if he can't fully commit himself for psychological reasons.

He still chooses to do so because intimacy is fun for him. Let's acknowledge, sympathize with, and not excuse the limited scope of interaction he had for two centuries, so traumatizing he doesn't remember much of his previous life. While he once engaged in intimacy under enthrallment, now he does it out of attraction, curiosity, and guile.

The second night with the player has this is in the dialogue notes:

Second time Astarion propositions the player to sleep with him [...] The player starts to realise Astarion might have been just playing an act to seduce them the whole time, and that his affection for them might not be genuine. Bridges the gap before he confesses this in his act 2 romance, and says he wants to stop manipulating people and have a real relationship.

The only real "indicator" for me was just that he didn't seem... affectionate. For all of his reactivity and greetings, he is surprisingly bereft of scenes that confirm or put to question his feelings. I do appreciate much of the subtlety, mind you - but he's notably rejecting of intimacy throughout the game and I did interpret it as a one night stand. A few transition scenes would have done us much good, though there are definitely ways to play it with satisfying sweetness.

When you agree meet up with him with high approval the second time:

Astarion: I hoped you would come. I have missed you. And now you're all mine, and I'm all yours. Until morning at least. Let's see where the night takes us.

The devnote says: "with a smile - he's not about to commit to anything long-term"

When you reject him:

Player: I think it's better if we leave last time as a once-off. Astarion: Well, well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. In all honesty, it is a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back ten thousand times or more, and forgotten half of them. But you... you I'll remember. Have a fine evening, dear.

The first time I heard it, I was taken aback that he found it in himself to be sincere.

Oh, and that it wasn't actually a one-night stand.

In hindsight, the fact this is one of the few times early in the story he offers any honesty at all tells me he's being genuine. Spending the night with his lover was special to him, and we understand why with context.

Something Real

Astarion: I was trying, with you, you know. In the only way I can try.

Well, this dialogue option may make it seem like he does try, but I will point out that he isn't particularly overt about his affection (I want to emphasize that I understand this characterization to a point - but remember that the PC does not know him and that this affection is supposed to be genuine. You can convey that without being cheesy).

The times this is clearly played out are during break-ups:

Player: Whatever is between us, we need to end it. Astarion: I - I can hardly blame you. I don't exactly have much to offer right now, beyond new burdens to carry. Player: This just isn't what I wanted, when we first slept together. Astarion: I was beginning to believe someone truly wanted me. But I shouldn't have deluded myself. From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?

How adorable would it be if he truly played up this Cinderella reference in romance? Instead, there is a lot of bitterness and mixed-messaging in his romance. It makes for a weaker story.

I do also take his dialogue literally. He thinks you will only want his beautiful, eternal, and dead form, and not the mutable person beneath. There are other indications, even outside of a romantic partnership:

Player: Unlike you to be so unwilling to receive a new power... Astarion: That was before I knew the cost. Before I knew it meant transforming into some grotesque beast. I remember how it hurt when I turned to a vampire. My body writhed and warped while I was utterly helpless, the grip of death owned my heart as it beat its last. I - I don't want to turn into anything else. I can't do that again. I can't watch my body be taken over. Player: You're afraid? Astarion: I'll happily murder my way to whatever powerful artefacts we can make use of. Point at the back and I'll stab. Just don't ask me to sacrifice my body. It hasn't been mine for so long.

The few dialogues that clarify Tav's complete domination over him, the one Cazador acknowledges.

Once more:

Player: Your illithid powers are the only reason you can stand up to Cazador. This will help you defeat him. Astarion: I'm really not sure... Player: Tell me of the weakest moment you ever felt in those two hundred years. Narrator: *As you pick apart his mind, you discover his worst memory. That which brings him the purest terror. Complete solitude after being disobedient. Sealed. Buried alive. Voiceless. Will this be forever? A year of horror. Then the release. He will never disobey again.* Player: You never want to risk that again. Even if it means becoming part-illithid. Astarion: Damn it. Damn you. All right... I'll do it.

The player may command him to change his very being.

I think we must view this in the context of one of his few real attractions: Sebastian.

Narrator: *Approaching the cells, you're met by hollow faces and eyes reluctant to meet your gaze. There's an almost physical stink of decay and neglect.* Sebastian: You. I know you. Narrator: *The last time you heard this voice, it was singing drunkenly, whispering sweetly, then sighing with pleasure. One of your conquests, claimed for Cazador. He should have been consumed long ago.* Astarion: I remember you. Sebastian: I can never forget you. Astarion: How are you still alive? Sebastian: It's your fault. You stole my life - stole my death. You smiled and joked and got me drunk. You called me so many sweet things. My name sounded like a lyric on your tongue. I want to hear you say it again. Say my name. Astarion: *Among the scars on his face is one you recognise - it's identical to one of the runes carved into your back.* That scar on your face - it must bind you to Cazador's Black Mass. Sebastian: No more games. Say my name! Narrator: *He looks at you expectantly, his hollow eyes boring into yours.* Astarion: Sebastian. Sebastian: You still make it sound so beautiful. You were my first. And my last. [...] Astarion: You should be dead. Why didn't Cazador feed on you? Sebastian: He made me a spawn. Left me here to rot. But I can't rot - I can't die. Astarion: I'm so sorry. Sebastian: You brought me to this hell. Abandoned me. How long has it been? Astarion: One hundred and seventy years. You were one of my first too. Sebastian: My family - my friends - they're gone... You took them from me. You took everything from me!

Against the threat of complete annihilation of his lovers, he still wanted connection. Pursuing his romantic and sexual interests were empowering to him. His autonomy is a weapon that can be wielded against him to great effect.

In his ascension:

Astarion: *Sigh.* There's no use in us fighting any longer, is there? You are a person of rare talent. You aided greatly in my conquest, even if you did not end up a part of it. And if we were beholden to one another? Well, how is that too different to being enslaved? It is for the best. Player: You were terrible for me. And I did terrible things for you. Astarion: The gravest crimes committed in this world are committed for love. A hunger crueller than bloodlust. I know how to play with it, and can't resist playing the hand I know. I would have ruined your love, used your trust until you were nothing.

The PC was not "part" of his conquest. Being in love with them was equal to the torment of enslavement to him. His worst impulses say: Let none be your equal.

Love: A hunger crueler than blood lust.

The man of your dreams: Your worst enemy.

He embodies them all in ascension, or becomes himself.

After completing his quest and breaking up in Act III:

Astarion: Well... Goodbye, then. I suppose. You brought my dead heart back to life. It will keep beating.

This is when he comes to a healthier place and keeps romance as a part of his life, and not its driving force. Good for him.