#however this looks on mobile is none of my business

[sugarpopss]

Late Call

We're back Lee girlies I'm back on my corrupt sheriff shit. This so SO inspired by the lore for Lee and his post divorce with Flo girlypop written in the chat by yours truly and @bucknastysbabe and also I've had this google doc just...open in my tabs for ages. Here's the post for the dead motel I took the Plaza Lodge from.

fem!reader

Lee rarely responded to late night calls himself. One of the perks of being the sheriff-he got to go home at 7:30 and leave all of the idiots underneath him to deal with noise complaints and bar fights. Even if all Lee did with his free evenings was park his ass on the sofa and fill up with TV dinners and sodapop and packaged cookies, watch ‘I’ve Got a Secret’ and tug on his cock-it was still better than responding to hillbillies domestic disputes. 

It wasn’t uncommon to get calls from the apartment block his sister Sandy lived in, either. About ten years ago-when Lee had been a fresh-faced deputy with a wife and a plan and pants that fit-the building had been a motor lodge. Not a particularly nice one, but a functioning motor lodge nonetheless. The place hadn’t really started going downhill until they’d converted it into apartments. What did anyone expect? The rent was cheap, the building itself ill-maintained, and several of the residents seemed determined to make their units a welcoming home for all manner of pests. 

Units like Sandys. Christ, it made Lees eye twitch just thinking about the mess of her place. However much of the mess was his sisters and how much of it was the fault of her stinking pig of a husband was still up in the air. All of that to say-Lee wasn’t usually perturbed by calls from the apartment block. They were rarely a big deal. 

Despite knowing all of that-save the bits about Lee stuffing his face and jerking it to Bess Myerson-Willis still felt the need to call Lee up at nearly 11 o’ clock at night. Lee had been tempted to just not pick up the phone, but, well…he was the sheriff. He had certain responsibilities. Even if just hearing a voice from the station while he was at home made him want to groan. 

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry to bother you so late, Lee-” 

Really, everyone was meant to be calling him ‘Sheriff Bodecker’, but Lee wasn’t going to fight that battle at 11 at night. 

“You got a reason for buggin’ me like this? I don’t wanna spend my night chattin’ with you.” Maybe Lee was a little grumpy about being shaken out of his post-orgasm food coma. Maybe Lee was a little grumpy most of the time. 

“It’s just that a call came in from the Plaza Lodge, and I know that your sister lives down there , so I thought-” 

Lee didn’t even let the dispatcher finish. He was already annoyed that he’d had to haul himself up to answer the phone, and the movement had made the fullness of his stomach shift from ‘pleasantly full’ to ‘tight and queasy.. “I don’t need to go down there every time someone hears a goddamn bump. It’s a shithole. People call the police. Handle it.” 

“I know that, Lee, it’s just…” Willis was trying hard to justify the call. Pissing Lee off usually meant spending a shift out patrolling the county line, looking at skinny cattle and rusted out cars. “Well, the caller reported gunshots, and they said a woman was gettin’ all worked up and hysterical, so I thought maybe you’d want to know about it.” 

Alright, that did make a little knot of anxiety form in Lees chest. As tangled up and messy as his relationship with Sandy was, she was still his baby sister. If something was awfully wrong, he oughta be there. A sick, shameful part him-though not really that shameful-hoped that fucker Carl had finally put his hands on her; slapped her around or pushed her down the outdoor stairs. Something that wouldn’t hurt Sandy too badly, but would still let Lee finally get the son-of-a-bitch in handcuffs. Or even better-gunshots, agitated woman-Sandy had just snapped and shot Carl. Now that would be something worth getting up to see. 

With that in mind, Lee hung up on Willis while he was still talking and set to getting dressed and moving, and if he grabbed two Pepsis to drink on the way, that was his business. It was late, he needed the sugar to perk him up. 

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When Lee pulled up to what used to be the Plaza Motor Lodge, he was greeted with both disappointment and relief. There was only one cruiser in the parking lot, and the whole place was pretty quiet; just a couple of people standing out on their porches, smoking or sipping from chipped mugs, trying to look like they weren’t attempting to nose in on their neighbors. That at least ruled out Carl having gotten a bullet in his ugly forehead.  Considering that Sandys apartment was one of the dark ones, the bastard was likely actually warm and cozy in his bed-which Lee had no doubt was riddled with bed bugs. What a shame. 

The door to a ground floor unit was open, however, so that was likely where the problem was. He could’ve just gone home right then. But he was already there, and unexplained gunshots were pretty unusual in Meade. People out in the holler loved to fire shots off at all hours of the night for reasons only Jesus knew, but Lee liked to think that the center of the county was a little more civilized. 

He rapped his knuckles on the doorframe, but didn’t wait to be invited in-just did it to let the people inside know he was there. Deputy Howser was sat on the sofa, a notepad balanced on his knee. The other person-presumably the apartments tennant-was pacing the short distance between the front door and the kitchenette. Agitated? Definitely. Hysterical? Yet to be seen. 

“Sheriff Bodecker!” Howser didn’t stand to greet him, but did pat the spot on the sofa next to himself. “You’re gonna want to hear this, Sheriff. Pretty lady’s got a real story for you, huh?” 

The apartments tenant paused in her pacing to whirl on Howser like a jungle cat. “How about you try taking me fucking seriously?!” 

Lee sort of thought steam was going to start coming out of her ears. 

“I’m not the one shooting at ghosts, miss.” Howser said, raising his hands in mock surrender. 

Lee stepped farther into the room. For all of the shit he’d done as sheriff, he was pretty good at the actual minutiae of police work. He’d defused more fights and talked down more angry and panicked people than he could count. 

“Take it easy, sweetheart.” He said in his best ‘everything is okay, miss’ voice. “I know you-”

“I’m not your fucking sweetheart!”

The woman had whipped her head to him the moment it left his mouth. There were mascara tear tracks streaking her cheeks, but she didn’t look sad or scared, just pissed to hell. 

She kept going. 

“If one of y’all would just listen to me for one goddamn minute I could explain!” 

Lee sighed and sat down on the sofa. The deputy nudged him, smirking, and Lee realized that the idiot was going to be extraordinarily unhelpful in sorting this out. 

“Get out of here.” Lee told him. Howser didn’t even question it, likely glad to have one more thing cut from his night shift. Back to the station to sit around and drink burnt coffee with his finger up his ass, most likely. 

Once the deputy had gotten his skinny ass out of there, Lee leaned forward, elbows on his knees-ignoring how that position made his gut roll against his belt. He had bigger fish to fry. 

“Listen, miss.” He began. “I can see you’re pretty worked up, that’s no good. How about you take a breath n’ sit down n’ tell me what’s going on. I hear you were shooting at something?”

She held back for a few moments, then seemed to accept that Lee was the best she was going to get and sat down. With the woman on one end of the sofa and Lee on the other, she told the sheriff what had happened. 

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She wasn’t shooting at ghosts. Lee had figured as much from the start, but it was nice to have confirmation. What she had been shooting at-or rather, what she had shot at, as there had, in reality, only been one bullet fired-was a man. According to her, a man she worked with in one of the shabby little offices in the center of town had been following her home for a couple of days. She had looked through the front window and seen his car lingering in the parking lot, pulling up in front of her unit then pulling out again and looping the lot. So she’d gone into the mostly empty parking lot and fired once, just to scare him. “Just so he knew I had a gun.” she’d said. 

Lee scrubbed a hand over his face when she finished the story. Some men just didn’t know how to handle rejection. Not including Lee, of course. Why, he’d never been rejected by a woman! Not that he was pursuing many these days, after the whole mess of the divorce with Flo, but still. 

“I’m not gonna arrest you for being scared.” He said. He wasn’t. If he had really wanted to, he probably could’ve gotten her for disturbing the peace or unlawfully discharging a firearm, but he didn’t really want to. He’d let worse things slide than a pretty young woman taking her safety into her own hands. 

“What if I had someone stop by here on patrol tomorrow night? Stick around the parking lot for a bit, make sure no one who shouldn't be there is hanging around.” 

She looked away from him, worked her hands in her lap. A lot of the furious indignation in her had faded away, replaced by exhaustion and anxiety. 

“What about tonight?” She asked. 

A reasonable question, but one that had Lee sighing and falling back against the couch cushions. “Jesus Christ, miss.” 

What about that night? Sure, Lee could call Howser back up and have him watch for a bit, but the dumbass would probably just upset the lady again. And Lee was already there-now that he had been up and moving for a bit, the queasiness from earlier had pretty much abated. He wasn’t even feeling particularly tired. 

“I’ll stay for a while.” 

“Really?” She didn’t demure or simper about the big strong sheriff not needing to waste his time on a little thing like her-although it would’ve done wonders for his ego. She just raised her eyebrows, a bit bewildered but pretty accepting. 

Lee nodded, then pushed off his knees and stood. Sure, he’d stick around for a bit. He could finish the half a Pepsi sitting in his cruiser and make sure no one sketchy was hanging around. Well, as far as it pertained to this lady and her problem-if they went and hauled out every creep and scumbag from the Plaza Lodge Apartments they’d have half the tenants, Sandy and her no-good cradle snatcher of a husband included. 

“I’m already here. God knows there’s enough to keep an eye on around here.” 

That got a smile out of her, albeit a small one. If he had been about ten years younger, didn’t have an ex-wife with some truly awful stories about him, and his belt wasn’t biting into his lower belly something awful, Lee would’ve been thinking she was real pretty when she smiled. Even when she’d been snapping at Deputy Howser like a rabid dog, she wasn’t bad looking-just upset. 

“I…I really appreciate that, Sheriff Bodecker.” 

Oh, if Lee didn’t just love the sound of that! ‘Sheriff Bodecker’ said with respect like that was music to his ears. If only everyone referred to him like that, instead of ‘Lee’ this and ‘Lee’ that. 

“ ‘S no trouble. I’m used to late nights.” 

Lee didn’t even know he was trying to impress her until it came out of his mouth. It was a bit juvenile, sure, but the little smile didn’t drop from her face. And he was being truthful! Lee was used to late nights-it was just that he was usually meeting with Leroy or carrying out some of that chickenshit bastards pseudo-mafia business. Lee’s preference was to have his belly full, balls empty and ass in bed by 10pm. 

She cocked her head a little, which made her modern bubble hairstyle bob. Flo had wanted to get a haircut like that a couple of years ago, when it just started to show up in the fashion magazines that filtered in from Cincinnati, and Lee had told her that it would make her look like a bobblehead. By far not the worst thing he’d said to Flo, but it still wasn’t great-especially considering how  cute he was finding the same look on this lady. 

She just looked at Lee for a moment, apparently weighing his offer in her mind, then glanced towards the apartments little kitchenette. 

“I could make you a cup of coffee, if you’d like. Or, um, I have some leftover spaghetti, if you’re gonna be around…” 

“That’s alright. I’ll be right out there in the cruiser, stick around for a while and make sure your jackass doesn’t show back up.” Lee hooked a thumb back towards the front door, still standing open against the cool night air. 

“Okay.” She didn’t offer again. The lack of persistence in her offer stung Lees ego, just a little bit. It’d been a bit since a woman who didn’t reek like the sweat and stale beer had paid him more attention than an eye-fucking. Losing Flo really had tarnished his reputation, goddamn her and her suited-up lawyer with his fancy office in Dayton. If he’d really wanted to put up a fight, he could’ve accused Flo of sleeping with the bastard. She almost certainly hadn’t been, but it would’ve made the whole process a bit more inconvenient for her. Maybe that was a petty sort of win to want. Maybe Lee was the sort of man who wanted those wins anyway. 

And that was the end of it. 

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By around 1:45, Lee was dozing off in his cruiser. He’d finished off his room temperature Pepsi, smoked a cigarette, hummed the earworm theme song from 'Name That Tune' and smoked another cigarette. He’d opened and closed the glove box at least six times, contemplating the Chunky bar stowed in there. 

All while keeping an eye on the other cars in the parking lot, seeing if anyone was going to try to cause trouble. He doubted that the idiot who had been bothering little miss thing was going to show back up that night, but that didn’t mean other horseplay wouldn’t happen-though depending on what it was, Lee would have to let it go anyway. The girls down at the Tecumseh and a couple of illegal substances all fell under the umbrella of ‘things Lee let slide for cold hard cash’. 

The door of miss things unit opened up, light spilling out for just a moment. If Lee had turned his headlights on he could’ve gotten a look at what she was holding, but he also probably would’ve spooked her into dropping it. It didn’t matter anyway, because she came right up to his drivers side window. He’d left it rolled down after the first cigarette. It was a nice night for May. 

She offered him a steaming mug with a cartoon cardinal painted on it. The aroma of coffee hit him instantly-good, fresh coffee, not like the shit at the station that comes out burnt then sits in the pot for hours. 

“It’s been a bit. I figured you’d take me up on this, now.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Lee responded, taking the mug. Their hands didn’t touch, though to be fair, the only person who did much touching on Lee those days was himself. 

The coffee was strong and sweet, just how Lee liked it. So she could at least make a good cup of coffee, and really…wasn’t at all bad looking with the tear tracks washed off her face. No Bess Myerson, but that was a high bar. She was plenty attractive for a town like Meade-and a man like Lee. 

A lot of things could be good enough for a man like Lee.

[dol-dee]

So... you imagine DoL set in the early 2000s? ME TOO. Tell me more about that!

aaaaaaa yes I do!!!! (Sorry for the late reply haha. I kept forgetting to come back to this ask) I think I started to feel that way pretty early on, since there's hardly any electronics around in game.

You don't have access to a phone yourself (which, admittedly makes sense as an orphan) but electronics get barely mentioned in general. (I'm guessing the true reason for it, is that it would be too much of a hassle to implement electronics as a mechanic in game. bc arguably you should easily be able to buy a phone or w/e later on, if dol actually took place in our time) Named npcs often have phones to record you with (which I kinda forgot about tbh lmao) but unless in that context, phones don't get brought up at all iirc. None of the named npcs ever ask you for your phone number and Social media isn't really a topic of conversation either.

The only Computers that I remember mentioned in game are Leightons, Mickey's, Kylars and the one you can check in the police station. (I don't remember if Bailey even has one or not.) They are far and few between. They also all read as desktop computers to me and not laptops. Hell, the only gaming Console to ever be a topic of interest, is Robins. I don't think we hear of/see any handheld conosles at all. Even TV's rarely get mentioned.

Pop Culture, like manga, anime and games doesn't seem to be a big thing yet either.

All of that gives me the impression that most electronic is still pretty sparse and hard to come around and kinda reminds me of my childhood when those interests where still conisdered niche/nerdy and weird. The few characters that have desktop pc's seem to be ones that had/have enough money (like Kylar, maybe Bailey?) to foot the bill, are either in a high enough position of power to own one (like leighton) or they're involved enough in shady business that they might have the resources to have their own equipment (Mickey).

tbf a lot of my reasoning can be argued against or easily explained away, but I think dol is infinitely more interesting as a game/story when it's set during the early/mid 2000s, where most electronics were still hard to come by.

Oh and last but not least: it simply makes for easier story telling haha. I think there would be way more ""plot holes"" you'd have trouble explaining away if it was set during modern times. considering how much digital surveilance we have nowadays.

Aside from all the examples I just brought up, dol just has that 2000s grime to me. It's so grungy and dank in it's vibes that it always reminds me of that timeframe. Just has that kinda clunky/kitschy charm to it. (a more eclectic personal explanation is that the seasons in game still feel the way I remember them for my childhood. nowadays everything feels really out of wack thanks to global warming. Although I'm sure that people who are older than me would say the same haha)

to keep this already long post short(er lmao) I'm gonna go into some headcanons under the cut; Basically which Characters have electronics and why:

Avery: has an expensive af and extremely clunky looking (by todays standards) work laptop, that she sometimes lugs around. Also owned one of the first mobile phones. Those really big and blocky ones. Maybe even had one of those phones that were built into cars. However, I think shed be kinda annoyed by mobile phones*, even if she's extremely diligent in answering her calls. (the grind never stops) *based on this comic from 1919 about pocketphones: Mostly because she strikes me as someone who doesn't care to be overly accessible and also hates it when whatever shes doing at the moment gets disrupted by something else.

Alex: Canonically has a phone in game. To me it's a landline phone. They don't own much electronics beside it. They have no desktop pc and no mobile phone. (canonically the own a tv and I feel like they'd have a radio, maybe even an old record player) Bailey: It would make sense for them to have a desktop computer but I can't remember if they canonically (and with that I mean in game) do have one or not. I could see it either way tbh. As they strike me as a stubborn hard ass whos paranoid about electronics and quickly gets annoyed by it) They only own burner phones aside from the official landline phone thats designated for "over the counter" orphanage business. Eden: Has an old ass radio and an extremely dusty burner phone that bailey gave them once. They don't own anything else

Harper: has a mobile phone they got from Remy, it's purely for business. I don't think they have one for personal business. They own a pager though bc of the hospital. They probably have a desktop pc too if only for hospital stuff.

Kylar: Has a Desktop pc, their parents footed the bill for that many screened monstrosity (tbf i dont know enough to remember if old pcs are even able to have several monitors connected to them or not). Probably had a mobile phone once. Whitney stole it. They own a few consoles but they prefer pc gaming (pc master race /j) Some 2000s era games (with no consideration for an exact timeframe) that I think Kylar would be into are : Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines American McGee's Alice Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 / Persona 3 Portable The Urbz: Sims in the City The Sims 2 The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

Robin: No mobile phone, the only electronics they keep around (until they inevitably need to sell them for emergency money) are an old tv and a gaming console. I have no concrete headcanons regarding the exact console and games unfortunately. (They seem to like superhero related stuff and I don't remember enough games that I associate with that direction of the top of my head)

Sydney: Has access to a landline phone but thats it. they don't have a mobile phone. Maybe they got to look at/ try out a pc at Kylars house once upon a time, but I don't think Sirris has one themself. I might be off with this but I could see Sirris being the one who bought a few early nintendo consoles like the SNES and Game Cube. Maybe even a gameboy.

Whitney: I don't think Whitney or their family is particularly wealthy so all of the access to electronics that they got, is either through wealthier friends, bullying or stealing. They have a mobile phone and probably a few handheld consoles they nabbed off their victims (in secret).

[itjazzbicch]

What Wasn't Meant To Be

Pairing: Shang Tsung x Fem Reader 

Summary: This is a prequel to my Escaping False Fate Mini Series!

Escaping False Fate PT. 1 - Escaping False Fate PT. 2

After a man interrupts Shang Tsung during a sales pitch, claiming his work to be fake, the day takes an unfortunate turn; the reader comes to check on her business partner, who holds a special place in her heart after bonding for so long, where she learns vaguely that their lives are about to take a drastic turn...

Warnings:  NONE! Just fluff🥰

Quick Note: I thought that this would be a cute little idea after thinking about the mini-series and based on the photos I use below!

Word Count: 1k 

"You surely cannot be without this medicine that I prepared..."

Shang Tsung was managing by making 'medicine,' which I couldn't insult as I did similar things to make money in the cruel world that we lived in. However, tonight, I had a gift for him that I worked very hard on. A medicine that would work.

Today was quite an eventful one, not for the better, unfortunately. A man came after Shang Tsung and practically started a mob, ruining his product, and I knew that the scene that occurred was weighing on his shoulders.

It was likely going to ripple his future, and considering we were partners, just trying to make money to live, I wanted to help him in any way I could.

"Shang?"

Coming to his stand, I didn't notice him inside, the heavy rain not helping with my vision, but as I turned the corner, he stood in the rain, staring off into nothingness.

"You shouldn't be standing in the rain like this."

Something was going on, but I didn't know what. Either way, I wanted to help him and give him my gift, taking his hand softly and guiding him inside:

"Come inside. I have something to show you."

"Something to show me, hm?"

Looking down at his hand in mine, he hid an evident smile. It made my heart feel lighter. I smiled softly as I nodded, following him inside his mobile stand.

I was familiar with it, sitting him down and getting him a change of clothes, questioning:

"Any particular reason you were standing out in the rain?"

Silence. He was staring off into space, that grin on his face. It made me even more curious now. I didn't want to push him, so I sat his clothes next to him, kneeling gently in front of him so I could get him to stop staring at nothing and find my gaze.

"Would you like to see your gift?"

"What a lovely surprise," He chuckled with a grin, "What is it?"

He had some dry patches of skin on his face, and he was far too handsome to deal with such a burden that wasn't necessary. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a jar with some cream inside, opened it, and put a small amount on my finger.

"This will help with those dry patches," I explained and offered, "I promise, it will help."

"How thoughtful of you," He grinned, closing his eyes softly as I rubbed it into his skin, getting the patches on his cheek and temple. I couldn't help but smile when he sighed, relieved; it was working already.

"Just keep using it, and your skin will glow," I hummed, gazing into his eyes deeply as he looked into mine, continuing to grin.

Every time I looked into his eyes, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't describe the feeling, but it surged within me. I nearly got lost in admiring the handsomeness held along with his deep brown eyes till that grin caught my attention again.

My patience was wearing thin because of my curiosity, whispering to him:

"Any particular reason as to why you're grinning like that?"

"I have a question for you." He whispered back, nearly staring into my soul, and his gaze told me this question was necessary.

"I'm listening."

"If our lives were to change drastically, would you continue to be loyal to me?"

This wasn't what I expected, but Shang and I had been business partners for quite some time, and I would be a liar if I said I didn't trust him or that I wasn't loyal to him. As much as I hid it, he had a spot in my heart, and there was never any running from the feeling.

"I'd hope that the change you speak of would be for the better," I sighed, then smiled into his eyes, "But whether if it's good or bad, I'll continue to be loyal to you, Shang."

"Our lives will be changing for the better, dear."

Something must've happened before I came here, and I could only stare as I tried to think of what could have happened, my heart racing as when he called me, dear.

"Did something happen?" I wouldn't dig for too much, but I would've liked an answer.

Shang started to smile, a bright one, nodding and saying vaguely, "I have been presented with an opportunity. An amazing opportunity."

I cocked my eyebrow, my eyes asking for a more direct answer, then he cupped my face, thumbs caressing my cheeks. My heart raced even quicker as he did, softly telling me:

"Imagine being as strong as a deity, having the realms at our feet. Never having to live like this again. Just imagine, dear."

The thought of that made my blood rush. I hated this life, and to come from this life to this power he spoke of? It was like a drug straight into my veins.

"We will achieve such power. All I need you to do is trust and be loyal to me."

"Y-Yes," I nodded, a crack of thunder roaring in the sky as I smiled with a tear of happiness, "Always."

"With time, we will have the realms at our feet. We'll never have to live like this again," He was nearly panting from being so excited at the thought, another crack of thunder roaring when he brought his lips to mine.

I'd never felt my blood run so hot, something in his kiss telling me that every word he spoke was accurate, the spot he had in my heart growing and taking over me as I deepened our kiss, holding his cheeks to keep him close, his lips curling into another grin as I poured my heart into his lips.

When our lips parted, I shook with every breath I took, slowly gazing up into his eyes, and the more he smiled, so did I, to the point where we started laughing, pressing my forehead to his as I whispered:

"I knew that when we met, our lives would change. It almost feels as if we defied a cruel destiny."

His eyes were filled with determination, seeing his gears going and creating a plan, squeezing my cheeks as he smiled, "We will defy that cruel fate, my dear Y/N." 

2024 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome 

[cels-not-so-secret-love-affair]

falling to the music pt. 2 (jily)

a/n: part 2 to my band au jily noodles arrives! featuring coffee, more of mary and a slight misunderstanding…

previous | next

Lily goes four whole days with no new messages. Okay, fine, her friends text her, and she gets some emails from university about upcoming assignments, and her Waterstones app cheerily supplies to her the hottest novels of the month in a push notification, but she doesn’t get a text from James, which means none of that counts. And Lily is not bothered about this in the slightest. She’s fine about it, dandy even. Her friends have not complained about the new habit she’s developed of checking her iMessages every spare moment she has. Only, maybe they have. Once. Or twice. Or thrice. It’s just she thought it had gone so well. She had flirted, hadn’t she? And he had been interested, or so she’d thought. He’d gone to get her a pen, for fuck’s sake. She’d written her number on his skin. She’d basically temporary tattooed him, it was a Sharpie and everything. But she hears not a peep from him, so apparently he’s just a typical guy-in-an-indie-rock-band who flirts with girls and never follows up. Which is fine, honestly - that’s his prerogative. All it means now is she’s got to learn to quell the incessant and unrelenting desire to see him again. Easier said than done, though.

It’s a Saturday when she decides to ring Mary up and meet her for a coffee. This is what I need, she thinks. I just need to let it all out in one sitting and then move the fuck on. I only bloody met him once. So she dresses up. She picks out that nice skirt she got in a charity shop in York and her pair of sixties style boots and douses herself in perfume, and goes marching out to enjoy a good old rant and a latte. She’s determined to have a nice morning, and to have everything go her way for once. And she almost gets that. Almost.

The coffee shop, to its credit, is exactly as she wanted it to be. An independent joint on a pretty street corner, it’s perfect for people watching, and decorated quite pleasantly with all sorts of vintage knickknacks. She likes it. It’s unknown enough that it doesn’t get too busy, and not so awfully pretentious that it doesn’t have any proper seating. Seriously, why does no one seem to want to let you sit down anymore? Settling herself comfortably in a gorgeous green armchair by the window, Lily sets her phone face down firmly on the table. She vows silently and fervently to herself that she will not check it until she has left the building. Then, she pulls out her novel, Emma - which is in every aspect the perfect comfort book - and contents herself to caring solely about what’s going on in Highbury. So far, so good.

Mary turns up about ten or so minutes late, despite her optimistic suggestion over the phone earlier that this time it might only be five. This is not an issue though because Lily knows her best friend like the back of her hand, and thus knows better than to believe that she might arrive on time. Things are still as they ought to be.

‘Right then, Lils,’ Mary says after having brought over their drinks. ‘I have it on good authority that we’re pissed off today, is that correct?’

‘However did you guess?’ Lily deadpans.

‘Oh, I think the scowling at your mobile whilst I was in the queue may have tipped me off. It’s about that guitarist of yours, isn’t it?’

‘Obviously, yeah. Him, and the fact that men are the root of all evil.’ At this, Mary throws her hands up as if in worship, closing her eyes and humming appreciatively.

‘Too damn right, babe. Although I will say, dating girls can still be tricky.’

‘Yeah, but I reckon I’d probably feel like less of a fool if I was this hung up on a pretty girl. Instead I’m here whining about not getting the attention of a good-for-nothing, piece of shit, stupid fucking man. Christ.’ She reaches forward to take a sip of her coffee, looking somewhat defeated.

‘He still hasn’t texted you I take it?’

‘Not once. I don’t know what I did wrong, Mary. I thought he liked me. You saw him, you saw how Sirius introduced me. Didn’t he like me?’

‘I mean yeah, it looked like it. I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t go blaming yourself for it. Guys fall at their feet for you. Maybe he does want to text you, but can’t. Maybe there was an emergency so he’s been too busy to think about dating, or maybe he’s a flustered coward who can’t work up the courage to ask you out, or maybe he’s driven off to the Irish countryside on a lads trip to fuck about with his mates and didn’t realise he wouldn’t have any service. Or maybe it’s none of those things, and he isn’t interested at all. Whatever it is, you can’t start losing all your marbles ‘cause you’re waiting for a text.’ Mary puts both her hands down on the table palms up, and waits for Lily to take them. When their hands are slotted properly together, she gives a gentle squeeze and continues.

‘You, Lils, are a wonderful woman. And you have a wonderful woman’s life full of all sorts of wonderful things. Don’t waste it fretting over some bloke in a band.’ Lily takes a deep breath.

‘You’re right,’ she sighs. ‘You always are.’

‘I know,’ Mary answers with a smile.

‘Thanks. For putting up with all this, I mean. I promise I’ll be back to my usual self now. Nice, normal, non-boy-obsessed Lily.’

The phone that had been set face down on the table about twenty minutes ago chooses this moment as the perfect opportunity to buzz. The vibration sends it inching closer to the boundary between the safe, charted territory of antique mahogany wood, and the sheer drop down to the floor as if it, too, aches for the sweet release of death. Fuck me.

‘Fancy checking that?’ Mary asks sweetly.

‘Nope. No. No can do. Not going to check it.’

‘You can if you want to. We’ve all been there, I won’t judge.’

‘I have more resolve than that. I just said I’m back to normal. I don’t care if it’s him or not, I’m not going to look.’ Mary just stares at her. It’s not in any way critical, nor condemnatory. If anything, it just looks like she’s waiting it out. Lily counts about ten seconds of pained eye contact before-

‘I’m so sorry, I have to look.’ She snatches her phone from where it’s ended up suicidally near the edge of the table, taps it to light it up and of fucking course. There it is.

iMessages: Unknown Number

hii :) it’s james. is this lily?

‘Is it him?’ Mary has one eyebrow raised.

‘Fucking- yeah, it’s him.’

Lily wants so desperately to ignore the message. Here is a man who’s made her feel so incredibly pathetic, so incredibly angry, and he’s just waltzed on into her notifications without a care in the world. She shouldn’t dignify him with a response. And yet.

Lily: Lily Evans speaking.

James: oh, yay! okay perfect. well, hopefully you know who i am then. i’m the guitarist from the gig, like four days ago? you wrote your number on my arm.

Lily: Mhmm.

James: listen, i’m really sorry i didn’t get in contact sooner

James: you remember how when we were chatting that night i told you i was a dunce?

Lily: I do recall.

James: that is the truest thing i have ever said in my whole life. i am a dunce. i am stupid to the point of being unsalvageable. i am, you might say, a total buffoon.

Lily: And all this to say, what?

James: i dropped my phone :((

Lily: That’s why you haven’t texted me for four days? You dropped your sodding phone?

James: down an entire flight of stairs!

James: completely killed it

James: basically shot it dead and then broke both its legs for good measure

Lily: Right.

James: so then i was going to text you on sirius’ phone, but sirius is awful for pranks, and i didn’t want him to do something dickish or pretend that i died or something just to mess with you

James: he’s my best mate and i love him half to death, but he’s a bit of a knob sometimes

James: you don’t deserve that

James: and then remus is a fossil who still carries around a fucking nokia brick looking thing that i don’t even know how to use like he’s someone’s grandpa

James: no luck there

James: and peter was away with his girlfriend for their anniversary

James: so i had to wait till i got a new phone sorted to be able to message you

James: i’m really sorry :(

Mary takes a sip of her hot chocolate and looks somewhat disdainfully at Lily’s phone.

‘Chatty, isn’t he?’ Lily pulls an apologetic face.

‘I promise I won’t text him forever, I’m just… processing. Give me two minutes and I’m with you.’

Lily: I’m out with a friend right now so I can’t chat. But fine, I accept your apology. I’ll call you later and we can talk properly.

James: okay! absolutely no worries. talk to you soon?

Lily: Yes. Talk to you soon. But I’m still angry at you, so you’d better be on your best behaviour.

James: yes ma’am.

Lily clicks her phone shut, and pinches the bridge of her nose.

‘What did he say?’

‘He couldn’t text me because he chucked his phone down the stairs.’

‘Oh?’

‘And I hate to say it but… I buy it. It’s something he’d do.’ Mary humphs, unimpressed.

‘You still want to see him, then?’

‘I- yeah, yeah I do. He’s really… he’s really nice.’

‘Well then. Let’s see how Mr Nice keeps up.’

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #15

15. AUSTRIA Kaleen - "We will rave" 25th place

Decade Ranking: 50/153 [Above Systur, below Lesley Roy]

WHEN THE DARKNESS HITS AND WE CAN'T BE SAVED

WIRAM WI DAM DAM DA WE WILL RAVE

Fucking AMAZING chorus. At this stage of the ranking, I don't really give too many shits about the flaws in the product. And that's for the best because Holy Hell Kaleen that was NOOOOOOOT GOOOOOOOD (objectively). Fortunately it was still very entertaining (also objectively?), so.

Also at this point, you may expect some real emotional investment from my part and Kaleen is clear example of that too. SHE, more than anyone else, was the uncrowned queen of Millennial Monroehood this year. Not only did she provide a fucking BANGER from the time I was a middleschooler, she also SERVED:

LOOKS

PERSONALITY

POISE

JE NE SAIS QUOI

ATTITUDE

and also NONE OF THE VOCALS. 😍 😍 😍

And this comes on top of her song being leaked two months in advance off Marvin Dietmann's laptop, and becoming a viral hit among millennial eurotwitter BEFORE its full release ♥ (and I fully buy into the conspiracy theory that the leak was intentional to build hype.)

But yeah, this performance was heavily flawed, I won't deny that. "We will rave" is a great song and it's only 15th on my ranking, that's how far south that went.

It is equal parts comical and tragic that Marvin Dietmann arranged for his PARTNER (I assumed "business partner" at first, but apparently also partner in a domestic sense? Yeah I'm as surprised as you are that he likes the clam.) to be cast for Eurovision and then failed to provide staging for her that capitalized on her strengths.

Kaleen is a professional dancer and dance instructor.

She runs Marvin's Dance School FOR HIM, FOR A LIVING.

The leak showed a vibrant dance choreography that allowed her to (barely) provide passable vocals.

She's a natural born performer of the ~rhythmic arts~

So what does Marvin do?

HE REDUCES HER DANCE ROUTINE TO THE TYPE OF TARD DANCE ANYONE CAN EXECUTE.

HAS HER WALK AROUND THE STAGE. NOT DANCE. WALK.

AND HAD HER DANCERS SHIMMY HER AROUND IN LIEU OF A DANCE BREAK.

ALL SO THAT SHE CAN DELIVER THE BEST VOCAL PERFORMANCE... WHICH IS... WORSE THAN IN THE DEMO BECAUSE UM HELLO EARTH-TO-MARVIN:

YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A DANCER, AND NOT A SINGER.

And all of that, I mean I'm sorry, is fucking hilarious, foremost. I know the live was "bad" but god it was really good at being bad. Casting your girlfriend and then FAILING to take her skillset (anything involving movement) into account is so uproariously funny to me. The staging was not bad on paper (it tried to increase momentum via the lasers and looks good if you mute), but it featured a slow, aenemic choreography that couldn't keep up with the music's light speed pace. That same dichotomy killed Halo, killed Edgar and almost killed "We Will Rave" too. This is the choreo you'd give to someone who cannot dance either due to being a block of wood (Dons) or old (Meri Bas.).

Even Firefighter, which is a fucking abortive attempt at a "dance song", had more tempo and life and let Nutsa (who is NOT a dancer) perform a break by herself. Christ Marvin.

(Granted it may be the outfit that forced Kaleen to perform a pantomime rather than a dance, but if that's the case... change the outfit? If those boots restrict your mobility, then don't wear them AT ALL, you know?)

However, as much as my appreciation for the live is based on irony and schadenfreude, I also just really love the song that much. "We will rave" is the best written girlbanger of this year - catchy, infectuous, smoking hot, and a wonderful throwback to the good Flemish techno of the early aughts. It's such a fucking banger in the style of Milk Inc, Lasgo, X Session, Touch of Joy, 2Fabiola, etc.

The prechorus and lyrics are delectable, and Kaleen is, despite her vocal inaccuracies, a charming hostess and style icon. Her personality is the saving grace of this live performance and the reason why I still embrace it in the face of its many mistakes. As disrespectful as Marvin's choreography was, she was flawless in its execution. SHE is what turns "We Will Rave" into a ride. The choreo and the results both did her dirty, but eh. Someone had to finish near the bottom. This year, that was Austria.

Now SAVOUR this last ever instance of them being fun in Eurovision because they'll only send salvaduncans from hereonout. If Eurovision isn't cancelled first, of course.

THE RANKING

[sandcobangevent]

The Uninjured Holmes

by @absolute-gibberish and @resetoaster

“We’re- uh- in pursuit! Of the- uh- culprit. Hah.” Three sets of heavy footsteps can be heard as John speaks into the microphone.

“Hurry Watson!” Sherlock calls out.

“I’m trying! God, she’s fast.” The metallic clang of a fire escape rings out in the background. 

John is just beginning the climb to follow, when it happens. 

There is a startled yelp and John’s rushed footsteps pause as he looks towards the source of the noise. 

“Shit- SHERLOCK!” 

With the sickly sound of bones snapping as the detective attempts to catch himself, Sherlock can be heard crying out in pain before hitting the ground with a loud thud.

John is by his side in an instant, tending to his injuries.

“Sherlock! Sherlock, hey! I need you to stay awake for me. Can you do that?” John pleads, already dialing 999. 

Sherlock hisses at the volume of John’s panicked voice. “John?”

“Yeah, Sherlock, hey- You took quite a fall there. No- Don’t try to sit up- Yeah there we go.” John audibly swallows. “Just try to stay awake for me, the ambulance is on its way.”

Sherlock makes a noncommittal noise in his throat. “Mmm…Okay…” Comes his slurred response. 

Sirens can be heard in the distance, getting louder as they approach. 

Sherlock winces at the noise. “Mnn…Loud…”

“Yeah, I know. I know. It’s okay, it’ll be over soon.” John reassures him.

The vehicle parks at the entrance of the alleyway they’re in and the siren goes silent as paramedics climb out the back with a gurney. 

“Fractured wrist and blunt force-”

John groans and shuts his laptop, he already knows how the rest of that goes and he does not have the energy to continue editing such a scene. 

He picks up his macbook with one hand and deposits it on the small rolling table by Sherlock’s hospital bed. John glances at the second device taking residence on its surface, Sherlock’s mobile, before resting his forehead on his and Sherlock's joint hands.

He goes through the detective’s injuries again in his head, remembering the masked pain he could read on his friend's face before he lost consciousness. 

John is ripped from his thoughts by Sherlock's ringtone. 

He looks over at Sherlock's now ringing phone, then puts his head back down, letting the call go to voicemail. Seconds later, the phone chimes, but John ignores it, choosing instead to listen to Sherlock's breathing. It's none of his business who texts Sherlock anyway.

After a moment, however, it chimes again, and again, and again. John groans and reaches for the phone, flipping the silent slider on and returning it face down to the table. It buzzes. John sighs and glares halfheartedly at the phone. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself. He picked up the phone and read the text.

From Unknown:

Pick up the phone.

Sherlock?

Are you okay?

Sherlock?

He wasn’t going to respond, but when he went to put down the phone,

From Unknown:

Please little brother, I just need to know you’re okay.

‘Little Brother’? Sherlock has a sibling?

Before he could second guess himself, John typed out a reply.

To Unknown:

Who is this?

From Unknown:

Sherlock, you should know by now.

I’m not Sherlock.

Then who are you and why do you have his phone?

His friend, Dr. John Watson. He’s unconscious, took a bad fall.

Friend?

Yes, friend. And you are?

Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock’s bother. Why are you on his phone?

You were being annoying. Sherlock has a brother? Since when?

Since he was born. How does you being annoyed condone this violation of his privacy?

Because I say it does. What do you mean you’re his brother? How haven’t I known this?

We are brothers. Do you not understand what that means Dr. Watson? As to why you weren’t made aware of my existence, I’d say ask him yourself, but I imagine that will not be very fruitful. He doesn’t like speaking of us all that much.

Us?

The family. He quite dislikes our parents and I.

Why?

Let’s just say our parents didn’t quite appreciate his ‘behavior’.

Behavior? You mean his ASD?

Unfortunately so. They thought the way he acted was disgraceful to the family name, and I, regrettably, took their side. He ran away when he got the chance, only 16 at the time. Opportunely, I had enough freedom to be able to check on him. From afar, of course. Hence the messages from before.

Wow. I never would’ve…

Guessed that? Yes well, I doubt he would much enjoy telling others of his role as the runt of the litter.

Don’t call him that.

Apologies, Dr. Watson. If I may ask, how is he?

Sherlock? He’s got a broken wrist and a concussion, so I’d say not particularly great, but he should make a full recovery.

Yes. And otherwise?

Otherwise, he’s just Sherlock.

Thanks, but I was hoping for more detail, doctor.

He’s pretty okay, I think? Brilliant as always, solving cases and whatnot. And I think he’s finally used to us, Mariana, Archie, and I. 

Who are Mariana and Archie?

Oh yeah! Mariana is our friend/neighbor/employee/boss(?) And Archie is our dog!

Oh.

Yeah, I think the four of us make quite a good team. The Listeners probably do too.

Listeners?

Yes, the Listeners… Of the Podcast… Do you not know about Sherlock & Co?

Evidently not. What is ‘Sherlock & Co.’?

Well, it’s kind of a series of recordings of some of Sherlock’s cases. It’s posted publicly and the Listeners are the people who listen to it. 

This could prove useful.

Oh really? How?

Thanks for your time Doctor Watson.

Um… Ok?

Afternoon.

Afternoon…

That was… odd. 

John decidedly shrugged off the rather abrupt farewell and placed the phone back on the table. He smiled down at Sherlock’s still sleeping form, taking the man’s uninjured hand back into his own.

Hours later, when they are both fast asleep, John will get a Patreon notification on his phone.

New Subscriber!

MH

[gromky]

done pretending i know my way around html however horrific the soundcloud links look off mobil is just going to have to. none of my business

[broodsys]

weird and vivid dreams are p common for me but this one was remarkable lmao

pt.1:

entered a weird dilapidated building that was somehow associated with that old candy mountain meme? went there with a few friends. there was a speaker/mic thing in the top of the room that welcomed us with... smth that definitely wasn't part of candy mountain but in the dream it was so anyway. but we got the response right and the voice actually fucked it up which was funny. all this to get into a memey hotel?

pt.2:

once inside the hotel was weird. we were warned that bathroom doors don't rly lock (lovely...) and everyone but me was shown to their room and at first it was just me, my brother, and my friend - like, in the whole hotel, just the three of us.

pt.3:

more ppl started to show up at that point and i finally had to ask for directions to my room bc we were all just hanging out in the common area but it was becoming crowded. however the person running the hotel had changed seamlessly via dream logic to someone... who was kinda unsettling. this young bubbly woman who kept getting everything wrong but insisting we keep all her attempts (like little notes of her trying to figure it out) for some weird sentimental reason? and when my friend did the math the right way and ignored her attempt, she came over and very sadly pointed at it like oh... i hope you fill this out later... keep it going! like it was So Important to her it was weird. she was like that about everything. p unsettling after a while.

pt.4:

the ppl who showed up were... also weird, altho it only showed slowly. for quite a while it was just a vague sense of wow this might've been a mistake. then they started getting creepier - they'd bring us up endless flights of stairs and as long as we were bright and happy about it everything was fine, but if we complained (the rest under a cut bc it gets creepy/graphic at this point - but long story short, they were all demons!)

so if we complained they'd start threatening and attacking us. little cuts and things. so we stopped complaining p fast, even though going up endless stairs was exhausting. passed other ridiculously cheery looking ppl and began to wonder which of them were trapped like i was and which were the ones trapping them

pt.5:

at one point the guy i was walking with cut my leg enough to bleed and i jumped on criticizing him for staining my yellow pants. like, look at how obvious you made it! surely your boss won't like this, you're supposed to be subtle, right?

so he got real frustrated and we were by elevators (that ofc everyone was refusing to use) and he... just gave up and laid between the elevator doors and let them slice him in half (???) and i was like oh shit oh fuck okay BYE im OUT im DONE and began running down the stairs

pt.6:

turns out demon parts are still mobile and sentient!

so like... fucking demon viscera keeps getting bigger and chasing everyone and killing them. like this guy is fed the fuck up. i dart into some weird opening that puts me into a restaurant that hasn't realized yet, pop out from under a table, surprising a bunch of ppl (?) very much but i'm just flat out running now like idc. and fleshy bloody extensions keep moving across the floor and ppl are slowly starting to realize what's happening

pt.7:

end up encountering some Big demon woman and being like fuck fuck fuckkkkk im dead but she was busy killing other ppl (very graphically!) and there was a tiny bit of space around her so i just took the most ridiculous opportunity and while she was splitting some guy apart i just ducked around her and ran

much later realized she was actually on our side? or at least, not on the demon's side? so she had been killing one of the demons, but i had no way of knowing that at the time

pt.8:

dream really took a turn here. ended up in a group with... superheroes? like vaguely reminiscent of wolverine and gambit and two others i can't place. but it barely matters bc none of them were rly relevant except the unknown guy who gave me portal guns (am i chell now????) to try and get us all out of there but they didn't really work lm a o. they'd open portals but like, i could maybe put my fist through one and that was all. not! helpful!

pt.9:

reunited with the group of surviving humans from the hotel and it was so weird... trying to figure out what to do and where to go from here and communicating about which demons were on our side - or at least, killing the other demons instead of attacking us. then there was a weird commercial that played in the background that had a rly subtle nod towards someone having two dads and i was like 'ah that's nice' ?????????? ? ? ? ?

[needabeta]

The beta file is sure getting longer and longer... I'm finding it hard to navigate. Sometimes my browser hangs when scrolling. Have you ever thought of transferring it to somewhere else? I would suggest Notion, which has good database features. Or whatever app/site that's geared towards handling large data. If it's too much work, I'd be glad to help out!

Hello,

we are sorry that you have problems loading the page. It hasn't been the case for us so far and we haven't heard from anyone else about it, but then again people mostly get in touch to ask for an entry deletion or modification.

The Beta File it is indeed long, and we're not going to delete older entries: we sometimes get asks to modify early ones, which means some, at least, are still active. Putting entries on different tabs might also look more manageable, but might make people just not click on other tabs to check, which is a shame.

Needabeta is a small project that uses the Google Form to Google Sheet system, because it's quick and easy (being automated). And, to be fair, we also never quite expected to reach that many people ;-)

However, while we're glad to offer a fandom tool, we're also busy people. Adding extra work to transfer all the data to another platform has already been suggested, but it is not something we are able or willing to do. As it is, Needabeta is low maintenance and we (sometimes ;-) get positive feedback, so as long as it works as is, we will do our best to keep it up.

The Needabeta team is also made up of friends who knew and trusted each other before starting this project, and we share the same goals. None of us were Anon to each other.

And, finally, Needabeta isn't, and doesn't want to be, the only option for people looking for a Beta! If you wish to build your own Beta-finding community using a sleeker tool, with perhaps different rules and goals (deleting older entries/asking people to renew their entries on a schedule, making it more mobile-friendly, etc), there's room for plenty of other tools :-)

FAQ - Sign up to be a volunteer!

[an-aura-about-you]

I Was a Queer Salvation Army Bell Ringer

Part 1: Job Searching and the Application Process

I have decided to just bite the bullet and start writing about this to get it all off my chest. I had been doing some research, and there is still some research I intend to do, but it is beside the main point of this mostly anecdotal writing I intend to do. I also decided to make it basically a miniseries as opposed to one long post dumping about everything.

So here we go.

It was the end of October of this year, 2023, and I needed a new washing machine. Between that and the upcoming holiday season, I figured the time was right to get a seasonal job. Surely there would be plenty available, right?

Well, honestly, no. Even during this time of year, job searching was pretty miserable. Job searching has been pretty miserable in general, but even the added jobs to cover the busy Christmas season were pretty miserable. They have a reputation for being easy to get, but I didn't get any sort of word back from most of the seasonal positions I applied to. And that didn't even factor in my limited availability, which would have been the nail in the coffin for most retail positions since I wouldn't be able to help out on any infamous Black Friday sales.

But while hunting for a seasonal job, one listing caught my eye that seemed unusual: Bell Ringer for the Salvation Army.

Not unusual for the reason you might think, however. I had actually worked as a bell ringer for the Salvation Army before back in the autumn and winter of 2006. I was a college student and unaware at the time both of the Salvation Army's anti-queer reputation and my own place in the queer community. I was starting to get hints that I was queer in the classic bisexual-to-asexual pipeline, but I wouldn't learn the term asexual and realize it applied to me until 2010.

What I was surprised about is that I thought they were volunteer only for bell ringers NOW, because it had been some time since I had seen a listing. On top of that, the pay was. Ok, the pay wasn't good by my own personal metrics because almost none of the local job listings are paying well. But the listed pay was better than the state minimum wage. More on that later.

So I decided, "Fuck it. If they choose to hire me, I can't resist the irony of the Salvation Army willingly giving a queer person money."

I clicked the 1-tap apply button on my job search app.

This resulted in an email being sent to me asking me to apply online through the Salvation Army's website. Weird since that defeats the purpose and convenience of the 1-tap apply button, but whatever. I do the thing we all have to do nowadays where you create an account that you know you're never going to use again and apply for the job.

I get a call a couple of days later. It's the woman from the Salvation Army heading up the red kettle program. She asks me to come to the office and fill out a paper application. For some reason, sunk cost fallacy perhaps, I agree and continue with the Sisyphean effort of applying for this job.

When I actually go to the office, I find flyers for the bell ringing job. These advertise that no, they are only offering minimum wage pay for it instead of the range listed on the app. I wish I had taken a screenshot of it because I can't find it now, but my best guess on what happened is the job search app added an estimated range on the job, as it sometimes does, and I missed the part where it said, "estimated pay." My memory is not necessarily a thing to be trusted, but job listings aren't either, so at least we're a match on that.

I fill out the paper application, and I'm informed that orientation is next week. No job interview, no hemming or hawing, the simple act of applying has got me in. They're just looking for warm bodies that are mobile enough to ring a bell. This makes sense to some degree, and indeed it was part of the appeal of the job. I knew from past experience that it is a simple job that requires minimal to no training, theoretically the easiest money one can make without being born into it.

Just like that, I was once again a bell ringer for the Salvation Army.

[gremoria411]

There is a problem with looking at so many mobile suit designs in that you can wander quite far sometimes. Sometimes to odd places. For instance, I’ve been wanting to watch Gundam Narrative recently, but ended up watching Gundam Twilight Axis instead (they have a similar plot to me). Twilight Axis has the Tristan, a derivative of the Alex. Another derivative of the Alex would be the Full Armour Alex, which appears along with the Striker Custom in Mobile Suit Gundam Katana.

I’m gonna get two things out of the way first: I haven’t finished reading Gundam Katana, because I don’t like Gundam Katana.

Oh, the arts wonderful and I like a lot of the original mechanics, but I absolutely despise the protagonist (the plot’s not great but it’s essentially a blip compared to how much the main character bothers me).

I don’t want this to be just a rant post so I’ll be brief; The Protagonist of Gundam Katana, Ittou Tsurugi, is a prick. In that way that only a brat with a silver spoon in their mouth (on in this case, at their side) can be. He’s handed a super custom ms and a force of followers that follow him absolutely, despite the fact that he has no experience with command (and more to the point, no experience with failure). In addition, he’s also got those bad reader self-insert characteristics (always in the right, excels at everything he strives to do, knows things that he probably shouldn’t at that point in time). Two examples I just want to call out, the first being when he gets mugged at the docks by a group of five. The muggers attempt to justify their behaviour because of the ongoing economic depression and the claim that the Earth Federation spends more on its military than on other things. Ittou defeats them easily (fair enough), but then has the gall to turn around to them and say that they should work harder because of the recession. Ittou, a military brat, heir to his household and with a legion of followers to cater to his every need. The second example is that after fighting Zeon Remnants on the Moon (which is a whole other thing), Ittou has a chance encounter at the flight terminal with none other than Quattro Bajeena, who’s on the moon on business. Now, Quattro’s real identity in Zeta eventually became an open secret within the AEUG until Char’s Dakar Address. However, many members of the AEUG suspect Char’s real identity (Blex), fought against him in the OYW (Bright) or eventually hear enough rumours that they suspect anyway (everyone else). Ittou has never met Char, never seen Char so there is no reason as to why he should be able to recognise someone who fought with a mask throughout the entire One Year War. But he does, because he’s apparently just that good. (As an aside, the whole deification of Char post-OYW as this ace of aces bothers me a little, since he’s only really relevant to the White Base crew and there were plenty of other aces running around. It makes sense post-Dakar and post-Gryps, but prior he should be just another ace).

Anywho, the reason I wanted to talk about Katana is because I like quite a lot of it’s original mechanics. I say original, because it uses a lot of units that were originally from videogames, so I’m only going to be talking about the Striker Custom, Full Armour Striker Custom, Full Armour Alex and GM Striker Custom.

The Striker Custom is the main mobile suit of the series (and yes, I did choose that second picture to show off its weaponry). It’s probably my weakness for close-quarters suits talking, but I really like it. It is essentially a GM Striker with a Gundam Head and new backpack, but as custom units go I find that honestly quite charming. Despite the two pictures shown here it’s actually quite well-armed, starting with the standard Vulcan guns and twin beam sabers. Following this it has a further two beam sabres, snazzier ones with a longer blade, that can be combined into a beam naginata. It is also armed with a set of Knuckle Daggers, mounted on the backpack when not in use, which are essentially a sort of axe-shaped beam blade mounted in the hands (they can be seen in the second picture). It can also be armed with the Spark Knuckle (essentially an electrified, handheld brass knuckle, based on the electrical weaponry Zeon used) and the Burst Knuckle (punch to attach mine, punch again to detonate, because there’s totally no way for that to go wrong). It can also be armed with a 100mm machine gun (or as GBO2 is wont to, a GM II Beam Rifle), but typically isn’t, because Ittou’s a lousy shot. I really like the knuckle daggers - I don’t really think that they’d be more practical than a beam saber (longer reach and all), but they are cool as heck, giving the suit a boxing vibe that I quite enjoy. The Spark and Burst knuckles are typically used sparingly, which helps my opinion of them - the spark knuckle’s lovely, but there isn’t much defence against electric weaponry other than range, so it’s good it doesn’t get overused. The Burst Knuckle…. I don’t dislike it, it just seems horribly impractical. That said, I can only really recall it being used once, so it’s not like I typically remember it. The Striker Custom is also fitted with a “Demon Blade” AI System, a derivative of the EXAM system (*shot*), whiiiiich…… is fine? It’s probably the fact that I stopped reading before it became a major factor (I remember it being introduced, but little else) but I don’t really have a big opinion on it. It makes sense for a close-quarters suit to have it, especially as a trump card to pull out in dire situations. It’s more of the “can be mastered” system than the “WILL mess you up” one though (the original EXAM system was pretty harrowing, as I understand it and the HADES aren’t exactly a nice walk in the park either).

Form and armour wise, it’s pretty good. A large part of that is going to be inherited from the GM striker, yes, but the Striker Custom feels very agile, and light on its feet. It probably is the boxer influence (even the head looks like it’s got a head guard on), but I like it because it feels like a very straightforward design - get close and hit things. Specifically, I like how it feels like a “gundam-ified” version of the GM Striker in the same vein that the Gundam Marine Type “Gundiver” is to the Aqua GM. It really sets your mind going as to what other “upgraded GM’s” there could be (like a Gundam Night Seeker, or Gundam Guard Type). I’m fine with the colours - I typically dislike it if a protagonist suit is “just” white and blue, but in this case it’s actually got a purpose because the main rival suit, the Full Armour Alex, is Red, so it shows the contrasting personalities of their pilots (and it works pretty well with its pink beam weapons). I will admit that I’ve repainted it to Titans Colours in GBO2 though - it’s about the right time period for them to be around (some even show up in the early chapters) and honestly I like imagining the AEUG stealing one (plus, I think it looks really nice).

Now if only it had a better pilot.

It’s upgraded form is the Full Armour Striker Custom, build with spare parts from the Full Armour Alex. Cards on the table, I haven’t read up to the part in the manga where this shows up, so this is purely on the design and it’s weaponry (as seen in GB02). I do like the bulkier look (the original has a nice agility to the design, but I don’t mind the additional weight), however I do think that it’s overarmed. This is a common problem I have with Full Armour upgrades - they just cram a bunch of additional weaponry on for the sake of it. I like heavily armed suits, but just adding bulk to an existing design doesn’t work for me because the end result just ends up looking sluggish. Speaking of those armaments, let’s run down the list, shall we? The Vulcan Guns remain, as per usual. As do the twin beam sabers, though one of them has been moved to the front of the right shoulder. The Knuckle Daggers are now mounted in the…. What is a apparently supposed to be a shield, but looks to me more like a weapons rack on the left arm. There’s an EXAM unit 3-style double beam cannon as it’s primary ranged armament on the right arm - that’s essentially standard armament for FA (Full Armour) Units, so absolutely no issues there. It’s also got a back rocket cannon and chest missile bays, likely modelled after the regular FA Gundam, and rounding out the loadout is a set of missile pods on the legs. In addition to all this, it’s armed with a brand new sword weapon called Fukusaku - a long sword roughly three-fifths the size of the mobile suit itself. I find it to be a textbook case of a mobile suit being overarmed. I can see how - the striker custom brings its close quarters weaponry and the FA Gundam Brings its long-range weaponry, but it just seems to be fighting for space on the suit - the Beam Saber on the front armour (a very dangerous position, given what happens to beam sabers when they’re shot) and the “shield” that’s essentially mounting two especially large beam sabers on the left arm are just the most obvious examples. Fukusaku is odd, because it looks completely unique, and all the sources I can find state that it’s a cold saber - essentially an electric saber, typically used when stealth is required, such as on the Efreet Nacht. Thing is, it looks to be an mobile suit sized Katana, meaning it was forged, but it still has beam effects over the…… Hamon? Of the sword (that wavy bit on katanas that’s formed as the sword cools). Oddities aside, it makes sense that the main suit in “Mobile Suit Gundam Katana” would recieve a fancy katana, but it doesn’t exactly help with the suit having two other paired melee weapons already. I do like the bulk added by the additional armour to the Full Armour Striker Custom, it creates the sense of a slower, more methodical fighting style (“one strong cut” to the striker custom’s barrage of punches), but I think the weapons weigh it down too much, especially since I know it’s going to be used in space. Honestly, I feel like if you took off the Knuckle Daggers and Chest Missile Bays, maybe moved the saber mountings around, it’d look much better. I like the splash of purple added in the paint scheme, but I don’t notice it’s absence much in GBO2. The Full Armour Striker Custom’s design is busier (especially around the chest), so it doesn’t look quite as good in Titan’s colours, but there’s some lovely details on the back (like the leg thrusters) that really pop.

The GM Striker and GM Striker Kai are largely identical, save for the backpack. Indeed, the Striker Custom is essentially a modified GM Striker Kai (with perhaps a little of the blue destiny units sprinkled in). They are armed differently however, with the GM Striker Kai being armed with beam sabers like the ones the Striker Custom has, and the regular GM Striker being armed with a twin beam spear that can convert into a scythe. I like the regular GM Striker, I think it’s an excellent up-armoured version of the GM, with the twin beam spear being an appropriately imposing melee weapon for it. I very much like the colours as well, with a lovely green, yellow and blue-grey scheme. The blue visor also draws attention nicely to the head. The GM Striker Kai is the space-use version, having the backpack of the Striker Custom in addition to its weaponry. Overall, I think it’s a nice GM unit with the additional armour doing a lot to distinguish it from the pack.

Lastly, the Full Armour Alex. I found it quite difficult to find a decent picture of the Version seen in Gundam Katana. The Full Armour Alex is…. a little of an odd one for me, because though I know it’s just differing artist interpretations, I tend to consider the original (Green and White, right) and the version seen in Gundam Katana (Red, Left) as separate designs (for the most part). I’ll go over the one seen in Gundam Katana first. It’s piloted by Kotetsu, a cyber-Newtype of True Federal in the series (True Federal have a vested interest in having as many newtypes on their side as possible, but they don’t seem to be going for the inhuman experimentation that the Titans did.) who functions as an early, personal foe for Ittou, here to drop subtle hints about the organisation and provide an actual challenge. The Full Armour Alex is essentially a brute - it’s got the strength and power to easily match most anything else in one-on-one combat, and functions as True Federal’s one-man clean-up crew. I think it’s used well in the series - it’s a FA unit, with lots of weaponry that’s geared towards ranged combat - a natural counter to the Striker Custom, which focuses on close-quarters. It spends much of its initial appearance holding Ittou back by sheer volume of fire alone - he’s forced to do little else but dodge. But it’s meaty firepower never allows it to feel unthreatening.

Design-wise….. it’s just fine. I like the red colour scheme in the context of their pilots - Kotetsu’s far more emotion-driven than Ittou, so it makes sense for their contrasting personalities. But in the context of red mobile suits in Gundam….. it doesn’t work. Red is a signifier of Char, or something related to Char (or a char clone), but the Full Armour Alex is neither. I have been seeing some “regular” rivals using it as of late (see the Pixy (LA), but in those cases it just comes off as forced. It’s just red because it’s a rival and rivals are red. The form and body’s fine - it’s a good example of the artist’s style and the muted colours really mean your attention’s drawn to the knees, skirt, head and gun. As a full armour unit, it doesn’t get many dynamic melee shots, so it’s imposing and weighty stature helps it look imposing, particularly the back rocket cannon and it’s targeting camera.

However, I must confess I completely prefer the Original (Green and White) design, as featured in Mobile Suit Gundam 0080 MSV. It just feels so much sleeker and faster, selling that the NT-1 is an improvement over the original Gundam. The green and white colour scheme is still eye catching, clearly drawing a distinction between the original and its additional parts, while helping to sell just how protective the armour would be, since the parts of the original Alex peeking through help emphasise just how beefed-up it is. Furthermore, you can easily believe that there’s space in the armour for the chest missile bays, without significantly compromising its protection. It’s only got two other integrated weapons - the back rocket cannon and the twin beam cannon, but it feels like an appropriate amount of additional firepower. It feels significant, since they’re both clearly visible on the design and the grey plays off the rest of the colour scheme - there’s only a few other small details, like the collar and “ribs”. The Full Armour Alex does retain its built-in arm gatlings, but they cannot be used since the armour covers them. I think the fact that the armour doesn’t cover the leg thrusters, and has dedicated gaps for the AMBAC system are why it feels so much sleeker to me - the Full Armour Alex was intended to be a backup plan for the Chobham Armour, and looking at it it might have even been more agile. I also very much like the head - I assume it was just artist interpretation, or perhaps the NT-1’s design hadn’t been finalised when it was made, but the yellow eyes, red forehead jewel and sleeker face really appeal to me, while helping it have its own identity other than “just the Alex, but bigger”. It’s just really rather neat.

[cbrosa-archived]

How do you do it to fit on the Billy fandom? I'm asking because i can't and i've been nothing but chill and civil yet i don't feel noticed or liked. I'm just confused because i thought this was the only safest place in the whole ST fandom and i happen to only care about him as a character 😔

i really don't fit on it either lmao. i have this neutral view on the billy community with a huge chunk of it being a positive experience. however, due to traumatic personal situations of all types that i have been through while trying to fit, i no longer look forward to belong to any group dedicated to a show or a movie. which is why i make that clear on the pinned post. i just take which fandom related content to consume, share, see which discourse pieces i partake and befriend whoever that treats me well and that's it.

generally talking, i can perceive on the billy fandom that due to the massive, crazy and vitriolic size hate wave that it clearly increased this year for some reason - he had the shortest screen time and dacre was casted as a guest this season yet the girlies don't seem to let that die lol - that the a lot of the fans are getting. including myself who received some anonymous ageism, fat shaming and at least four SA wishes.

therefore, i can see there's some mistrust a lot of them have towards a lot of people and want to carefully check who they follow and can be mutuals with. i honestly don't blame none of them for that.

another thing i can blame that particular difficulty is the messed up algorithm that happens on tumblr, specially on the mobile app which does not allow you to see who follows you as it used to years ago and..not even follow back sometimes. i've struggled with those.

my advice is for you to have an easy experience is to do and remember the following:

focus your energy on the moots and people that are treating you properly

try to not take it personal and seriously.

if it turns out to be personal: keep minding your own business. there will be people in this shithole of website that will pick whatever nonsense and rather than act like a grown ass and discuss the issue privately to you they will obsessively hate you for it and try to create beef so ignore and don't engage.

speaking about, someone you thought you were cool with unfollows you out of the sudden? fine, unfollow back. even better if you block them. i'm sure you'll find some others that will appreciate you like you deserve.

some people don't want to befriend you back just because but that's not your fault. try to not let it get through you.

chose wisely which fandom pieces you want to partake of and which ones you don't want to.

this is the internet so...don't let it absorbe your soul.

hope that all works and has a point!

[almaqead]

"The Book." From Surah 17, Al Isra.

If humanity is God's most perfect creation, why do we find ourselves reading the Quran, looking at different ways to respond to all the evil we do? And why has it taken since Muhammad's time in the 7th Century to realize we have done so little about it? Why do we like to force God to reckon with us but never change?

The next section of Al Isra says change is a must. Man can indeed forsake wickedness and do all that the Quran says and be totally righteous.

The Book is easy to read and understand, its expectations are reasonable, God guaranteed He would not try to trick us within its pages:

Ma'idah 5:15:

O People of the Scripture, there has come to you Our Messenger making clear to you much of what you used to conceal of the Scripture and overlooking much.1 There has come to you from Allāh a light and a clear Book [i.e., the Qur’ān].

What is within the Quran that makes it a Book? For this we need to understand the basis for the term, which is found in the Torah. Books are like "books of business" they name the accounts and the balance of the persons which whom a company does business. All Muslims know how God views a balanced account; in the Torah the balanced book is called the Ark of the Covenant. About this the Quran states:

From Baqarah 248:

Their prophet said to them, ‘The sign of his authority will be that the Ark [of the Covenant] will come to you. In it there will be [the gift of] tranquility from your Lord and relics of the followers of Moses and Aaron, carried by the angels. There is a sign in this for you if you believe.’

Without tranquility however, God cannot hold onto us. So long as there is strife in Israel, He will let us go. Security and stability then are the next step on the Mir'aj, the Ladder to Heaven. They represent our comprehension of the Ark of the Covenant and an end to the stormy weather on land and sea that are destroying this planet:

17: 61-69:

"And ˹remember˺ when We said to the angels, “Prostrate before Adam,” so they all did—but not Iblîs,1 who protested, “Should I prostrate to the one You have created from mud?”

Allah responded, “Be gone! Whoever of them follows you, Hell will surely be the reward for all of you—an ample reward.

And incite whoever you can of them with your voice, mobilize against them all your cavalry and infantry, manipulate them in their wealth and children, and make them promises.” But Satan promises them nothing but delusion.

˹Allah added,˺ “You will truly have no authority over My ˹faithful˺ servants.” And sufficient is your Lord as a Guardian.

It is your Lord Who steers the ships for you through the sea, so that you may seek His bounty. Surely He is ever Merciful to you.

When you are touched with hardship at sea, you ˹totally˺ forget all ˹the gods˺ you ˹normally˺ invoke, except Him. But when He delivers you ˹safely˺ to shore, you turn away. Humankind is ever ungrateful.

Do you feel secure that He will not cause the land to swallow you up, or unleash upon you a storm of stones? Then you will find none to protect you.

Or do you feel secure that He will not send you back to sea once again, and send upon you a violent storm, drowning you for your denial? Then you will find none to avenge you against Us."

Commentary:

Peace in Israel is synonymous with peace on earth. We must volunteer to publish and hold onto it no matter who contests it. The moment we resist, and stop the plunder, the Age of the Masjid will begin. Innocent men will no longer drown in hot water or be trampled by falling rocks in its wake. So "...Incite whoever you can of them with your voice...mobilize against them all your cavalry and infantry, and make man keep his promises."

[talldarkandroguesome]

17th of Midyear, Loredas

We were somewhat delayed in our return. The bandits in this area are truly out of control!

And the fact that we were attacked by senche lions did NOT help matters!

We made it before nightfall, however. And we made it before Euraxia’s forces, which is the most important part. We actually made it back in time.

The town was on guard. I could hear people talking in low tones. The marketplace was empty, save for the blacksmith and tanner handing out weapons and armor to people.

I could see fortifications being made to help protect the town from being attacked from the sides. The river would help keep Euraxia’s forces from attacking on all sides, but it was not particularly well fortified beyond that. The stone buildings would stand up to foot soldiers or cavalry, but not to any sort of siege weapons. I knew she had some in Rimmen, but I did not know if she would have some brought to Riverhold or not.

I hurried to our meeting point and found The Speaker watching as Tharn was bent over a map on the table, writing something down. They both snapped to attention as the sound of my Houseguards’ armor clanked behind Nettle and I.

There was a sort of desperation in Tharn’s eyes, not of a sexual manner, not like I have sometimes seen before when he has carnal need of release, but something entirely unknown to me. Like there was a fear that this might not work out. A lack of the usual air of confidence that he exudes no matter how dire a situation. This was real fear that at that moment someone was going to tell them they were under attack before they had finished having a chance to mount their defense.

I suspect this, for as soon as I approached, the look diminished slightly. He told me that he had informed The Speaker and Khamira of the fallout from the parley and that forces were being mobilized into defensive position. Then he told me to tell him all that I found out.

There was a sinking in my stomach. For one, I had little good to share. Secondly, there was no snark to Tharn. No brutal accusations for the sake of poking fun. None of his need for exerting control or dominance he is so fond of. It was straight to business. Another first for me. Even taking on Molag Bal had not seen such a response.

I explained that they were at the Desert Winds Adeptorium to learn where Sir Cadwell’s body had been hidden. We discussed my conversations with the necromancer his sister employed and about this Betrayer business. Tharn mused that he had wondered about Sir Cadwell in life, given how powerful and strange he is in death. He also could not seem to rectify in his head that Sir Cadwell, mad but kind, was the same as this legendary brutalizer of old.

When we finished discussing that, he said we would concentrate on getting to the bottom of that as soon as we fought off Euraxia here.

I informed him about the Grand Adept’s passing and said that, while it was a huge blow to our cause and to Khajiit culture, making sure to express my sympathies with the necessary hand stand-in for the sadness tail movements, the one positive that came of it was that the survivors were galvanized to join our defense of the city in order to set right that death.

Tharn was brightened by the news, praising the martial abilities of the adepts, which I had myself witnessed in small part just days prior. And he asked if I were ready to defend the city.

I told him it was what I was hear for, along with being his valet and bodyguard, of course. The corner of his lip turned up and he told me that that was good. That I should see that myself, and those with me rested to recover our strength for the coming attack. He predicted it would be at least another day, perhaps two or three should we be lucky, before Euraxia’s forces arrived. He was basing it mostly off the troop movements that the Khajiiti Defense Force scouts had been sending along.

Then he pulled out a silk cloth bundle and told me that, although he did not have any use for Khajiiti gold, The Speaker continued to offer compensation for services. He held out the bundle and I took it, feeling the weight of the gift in my hand, wondering what other grand relic might be offered.

I looked at Tharn and he rolled his eyes and told me to open it up, and said sarcastically that if I made him wait any longer the battle might be upon us.

What I unwrapped was the most beautiful Khajiit dagger. It was thin, with a slight curve to the blade. The handle appeared to be ivory with gold inlay in the most intricate patterns. They bore the faces of the moons in different phases.

I opened my mouth to speak and Tharn cut me off saying that it was not much, but it was the best looking piece that the merchants in this small town had, so he had hoped it would be of use for the upcoming battle.

All I said was a thank you, stunned that this was not just handing off a relic he was given, but that he had actually gone to purchase me something instead of handing me the pouch of gold. And more than that, he had picked a weapon he knew me to use. He must have thought about what would best serve me. He could have grabbed any fancy sword, but of course, I always used only one. I had many daggers and knives, however, so he must have considered that in his decision.

Was it possible that Tharn actually had a heart under that grumpy Imperial mask he wore?

I wrapped the dagger back up and placed it into my bag. Then I thanked The Speaker and turned to leave. Tharn put a hand on my shoulder and asked if I could meet him after I had freshened up, for he had a private matter he wished to discuss with me prior to battle.

Of course I knew what that meant. As did all of my retinue. And I could only surmise that The Speaker had an idea as well, given the acute senses Khajiit have. 

That did not stop me from playing my role. We went to the rooms we had occupied before, still held in our names. I went and bathed.

To my surprise, I returned from my bath to find Tharn in my chambers. Typically he waited for me to come to him. I was unsure if I should be worried or not.

He had made himself at home upon my bed, boots up on the mattress as if he had not a care in the world.

I let my silk robe fall from my shoulders as I approached him, not minding how it gaped in places. I stood besides him and waited to hear what he wanted of me.

He looked up expectantly. He wanted me to be the one to go after him, to ask if I might put my lips to his service.

And that is what the House expected of me, too. And I would expect of me as well. And that whole thought bristled in me. I wanted to be defiant, even if just a little. To not be the predictable whore-noble of the House, even if it was just in the smallest way.

So I looked down at him and asked to what I owed the pleasure of an Imperial Chancellor making the effort to come all the way to my personal chambers.

He frowned, not having expected such a remark. I think a part of him wanted to say something back, but he also did not want to break his front of the man in control of everything. His hand started to reach out towards me, but he stopped and simply said my name in a tone of a disappointed teacher. 

I smiled, not pushing my luck any further, I still wanted to play my role. But I did enjoy the fact that I had found that point where Abnur Tharn was pushing up against his comfort level with letting someone see more of his true self. And a foreign noble was certainly not the person he wanted to let see such a thing, no matter how subservient I would be to him. He likely thought this was just a passing fancy to me, a game for the someone with too much time and too little chance to satisfy my “elven needs”. I know he gives into the stereotypes about my race. But I also was able to have him see that I was able to be more than that. That I could see that he was more than just what he pretended too. It clearly infuriated him. And that both pleased and aroused me.

Afterwards I was particularly obedient. He was initially rather rough with me, I had ruffled him. But as he grew closer to his need being met, he relaxed somewhat. He would come to times where he would remember himself and use humiliation, but I was only too eager for it and he would relax once again.

It was clear that he must have needed the release, for he fell asleep almost immediately after he was done. I watched him sleep. How much responsibility had he been carrying on his shoulders, justified or not? I could see the lines of age and worry in a way that were not usually there. And it made me wish to care for him. In a gentle sort of way.

I took out a bottle of sandalwood oil and began to massage his legs and feet. It was something we often did as a sign of respect for our elders, to show deference and care. It is something we do for the dying. Something we do for those recently passed. It is a very intimate thing for all Dunmer. Our legs support us through everything. Or feet carry us from one part of our life to the next. To show special care for those things is a great respect.

I finished by placing a kiss upon the tops of each foot and upon each knee.

When I glanced back up, Tharn was looking at me very peculiarly. He asked what I was doing. I told him it was something we did for our elders. I said it very cheekily, knowing that I was older than he and the usual scowl reappeared on his face.

I told him to sit up and I got a comb and he looked confused as he did so. I combed out his hair. Then I massaged his shoulders and arms and back. He was a labyrinth of tension. He said nothing as I working his muscles, however, only letting out a groan as I hit a sore spot or a low moan if it was a spot that felt particularly good.

When I finished, I simply got into bed besides him and laid down.

I could feel him staring at me, unsure what to make of this out of the ordinary behavior. And I knew that he was not likely to say much, what could he say if he wanted to keep up that very important Imperial veneer?

The bed shifted once. Twice. Thrice.

And then I felt him settle down at my back.

It was not long before I heard his breath even and knew hew as asleep again.

I slept with him besides me until it was close to dawn and he rose, without a word, waited to see if I was still asleep, and then kissed my cheek before he slipped softly out the door. I heard him whisper a word, but could not make out what it was.

I smiled once the door was shut. Under all of that, he had a soft spot. And I could not wait to use that to my advantage. Not for the House, not unless it was a dire need, but I knew that it would be useful for me and the Nest.

For my Prince I would take everything I could to use to my advantage.

[amberfaber40]

45 Times Text Messages Were Too Funny Not To Share On This Dedicated Instagram Account

45 Times Text Messages Were Too Funny Not To Share On This Dedicated Instagram Account

As a millennial, I still remember calling my high school best friend and talking for hours until there was nothing in our lives the other didn't know about. But the world has changed a lot since then and so has our communication habits.

Getting Old Requires A Sense Of Humor-Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes About Getting Old This post may contain affiliate links. By buying through the links I may receive a commission for the sale. This has no effect on the price. When we're young, old age always seems so far in the future. And then you wake up one morning and look in the mirror and wonder what the hell happened. Who is that person looking at me? And then it hits you. I am officially old. Sure it starts gradually. Slow and easy so as not to frighten you. But sooner or later you...

251points FacebookPinterestTwitter As a millennial, I still remember calling my high school best friend and talking for hours until there was nothing in our lives the other didn't know about. But the world has changed a lot since then and so has our communication habits.In 2018, there were 2.25 billion mobile phone messaging app users globally and this number is expected to grow to 3.5 billion by 2025. In many places, the phrase "Everyone's texting" is not even an exaggeration.But reducing an interaction to just symbols can be tricky. When there's so little that holds a conversation together, things are bound to get (a little) chaotic. And the Instagram account 'Funny Texts' is a perfect example of that.From contacting the wrong number to simple puns, continue scrolling to check out what it has to offer. fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts ReportWeChat is popular in China, Line is big in Japan, and WhatsApp... Well, it's WhatsApp. It has 2 million users. But in these apps, messages travel over the internet rather than over phone lines like SMS texts and, interestingly, the United States is one of the few big countries where SMS, the texting technology with origins in the 1980s, remains a standard way to chat.As Shira Ovide highlighted in The New York Times, America's SMS exceptionalism has its pros and cons. The biggest benefits of SMS are that it works on almost any phone, and people are not locked into one company's communications world. The drag, however, is that SMS has security flaws, and it lacks features of modern chat apps like notifications that your friend has read your message, or the ability to start a video call from a text. fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts ReportMany people also think that texting is bad because it makes us lazy in the way we speak, but language guru David Crystal thinks that it's causing neither bad spelling nor moral decay.The UK's leading linguistic academic told The Guardian, "Almost every basic principle that people hold about texting turns out to be misconceived." fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report"Misspelling isn't universal: analysis shows that only 10% of words used in texts are misspelled. Nor are most texts sent by kids: 80% are sent by businesses and adults," Crystal explained."Likewise, there is no evidence that texting teaches people to spell badly: rather, research shows that those kids who text frequently are more likely to be the most literate and the best spellers, because you have to know how to manipulate language." fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts ReportAccording to Crystal, if you can't spell a word, then you don't really know whether it's cool to misspell it in the first place."Kids have a very precise idea of context - none of those I have spoken to would dream of using text abbreviations in their exams - they know they would be marked down for it."Of course, changing public opinion is hard work, but Crystal is hopeful he can convert the linguistic reactionaries. fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report"The reality is that people have always had a tremendous fear about the impact of new technology on language," Crystal said."When the printing press was first invented, people thought it was an instrument of the devil that would spawn unauthorized versions of the Bible. The telephone created fears of a breakdown in family life, with people no longer speaking directly to one another. And radio and television raised concerns about brainwashing. fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report"Text messaging is just the most recent focus of people's anxiety; what people are really worried about is a new generation gaining control of what they see as their language."At its most basic, language is an expression of identity. How we speak is central to who we think we are and where we think we belong. So feel free, experiment, and send the funniest results of your 'studies' to 'Funny Texts!' fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts Report fun.ny_texts ReportNote: this post originally had 112 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.Add New Image Add Your Photo To This ListPlease use high-res photos without watermarksUpload PhotoNot your original work? 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[blu3jae]

I feel like I’m gonna take up too much space if I keep posting new posts, so I’m just gonna put all of my thoughts into one big post with different fonts.

My favorite social medias are the medias where you don’t actually have to be ✨social✨.

I regret not having watched Cowboy bebop sooner, it’s really good. I’m also suddenly understanding the references to a LOT of music people have been using as end credits now.

Starbucks was named “Starbucks” for such a fucking dumb reason.

(It literally reads like a dude using a business version of astrology to figure out what to name his new coffee Business. -10/10, I’ve met authors, I’ve seen some shady reasons to name characters different things, but that one was just dumb.)

A canary is just… the wrong color yellow.

The movie and theater production of “if I were a rich man” is so much better than Britney spear’s “If I were a rich girl”, however, whenever I think of the song in my head, I automatically think of the Spears’ version, so kudos I guess.

On the subject of Mrs. Spears, did you know that the song “hit me baby one more time” was a misunderstanding from one of the song writers, who didn’t realize that the phrase he was trying to say was “Hit me up, baby, one more time”? It’s also still a classic tho.

TikTok has made my habit of songs getting stuck in my head exponentially WORSE because now not only is:

The songs usually something fun, but absurd out of context, like the whole “I wanna be your friend forever- I wanna be a Modern! Dancer!… what a super weird thing to say that 🎶 came out of no-where🎶”, but ALSO-

PEOPLE KNOW WHAT SONGS IM SINGING. THEY KNOW WHERE I GOT THE SONGS FROM. THEY KNOW WHATS ON MY FYP. ITS TRAUMATIZING TO BE AT WORK AND TO BE CALLED OUT BECAUSE I WAS HUMMING THE SUBWAY SURFERS SONG UNDER MY BREATH.

Not cool, internet.

My mom got me a Bob Ross bauble head, for my early birthday, and it is my new favorite thing.

I put it on my shrine of things next to all my other things. I am v happy. She also sent me a book to hold my coins in so I can display all of the coins I’ve collected. I’ve got all 50 states (last one was Indiana!) but now I’m working on the national parks. None of them are really worth any monitary value, but it is fun to collect them.

My favorite thing is the fact that my coworkers realized that I like coins, so anytime anyone pays with any cool or interesting coins, they save them for me to look at.

I only started being interested in coins recently, cuz they started having MAYA FREAKING ANGELOU on the quarters, and I thought that was just the coolest thing. It spiraled from there. The whole recent quarter series on women tho is just the best.

Lol also, like, don’t ask, but maybe one time when I was reading a… fun comic strip (one that really put the word “Strip” into a comic, lol) I got 110% wholly distracted from said comic strip because there was an ad on the side for rare quarters. I don’t think I’ve ever quite hit peak nerd as I did right there, and I think the only other time I came close to it was either when I was watching deep lore videos for skyrim or legitimately filling several pages of a notebook with algebra to be able to maximize food output in a mobile videogame.

Anyways, this is getting long, so I’ll go ahead and just post it.