#however starting august I got new work hours.

[questionablepastries]

The shit I have in store for y’all. . . The urge to post a wip but NAY I say ‼️‼️ I will hold back and complete these damn things with COLOR

[orcusfang]

Whence the Sorrow Flow [Part One]

Pet!AU Aizetsu x pregnant Fem!Reader

'As the owner of a well known demon grooming salon, business has flourished the years following its opening. All kinds of demon pets are brought to you day in, day out. And with a partnership with the local rescue, one would think you’ve secured a comfortable living in this bustling city. However, nothing could be further from the truth, and wherever you go an unwanted shadow that isn’t your own is intent on haunting your every step. You try to go on with your life, but after months of enduring this hell you’re mentally in the gutter. When a longtime friend from the local rescue brings in a timid and anxious demon for a makeover, he once again tries to convince you to adopt a demon of your own. Usually you shrug off the suggestion, never giving it much thought. But now that the question whether or not you still considered yourself safe can’t be answered with certainty anymore, you consider the possibility. And he just happens to know the perfect demon for your situation…'

--------- A/N: So, I started this back in August last year and never really wrote this with the intention to post it? Most of it was inspired by a RP I had with a friend at the time, but I shared two previews on Twitter over the past months and people really seemed to like it and have been asking about it ever since. So… I’m posting it! Warnings: This story contains darker themes, domestication, heavier topics, pregnancy, stalking, master/pet relationship. And for later chapters: mating cycles/heat, dubious consent at times and eventual explicit sexual content. A reminder, this story is written with an adult audience in mind. So even though not all chapters have sensitive matters in them; no minors, please! Read at your own risk! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know if you liked it :] Word Count: 9732

As the owner of a demon grooming salon in the center of a bustling city, you had seen just about any demon you could’ve dared to imagine. After almost four years of being in this profession, you didn’t think you could still lay an eye on a demon and genuinely find yourself surprised and impressed. From the most pampered and arrogant demons that actually considered themselves above you; to the most shy and anxious of demons – you’d seen it all as far as you were concerned.

It was fascinating how a demon's place and status in the world depended on their owners. And yet, it was utterly unfair to those born in unfortunate circumstances.

However, every once in a while the lovely folks over at the local demon rescue were eager to drop by a demon that would forever expand your experience, and it just so happened that today was rescue demon grooming day.

It wasn’t an official day of any sorts, but whenever one of the workers there reached out to you for an appointment for one of their demons, you made certain to not take on any other clients that same day. There had been a time when you did, but… you’d learned the hard way to not book anyone else.

Because the demons that got rescued by them? They were often in very bad and questionable shape, and there was simply no predicting what you would see with a new appointment with the rescue group. No matter how many times they had visited for a makeover on a demon they deemed suitable for adoption, every single time they stepped through the salon’s door with the demon in tow, and you witnessed the state they were in – something deep within your heart withered just a little more.

So when your contact at the rescue, Takagi, called to book an emergency case, you knew you were in for a long and tough day. It wouldn’t be the first time a rescue took hours before they even looked somewhat presentable. Not counting the time it took for the demon to grow comfortable enough to let you work on them, and a strange gut feeling told you that this rescue might just be one of those cases.

That, or it was the other situation in your belly making you feel iffy.

Despite being five months in, you still had a hard time separating the two.

“Makes me wonder for how much longer I’ll be able to properly do this work.” You mused to no one in particular, only to fill the tense silence before the rescue’s arrival as you arranged all the proper tools you could possibly need. You hoped you could continue to work for a while longer, you were a one-person income after all. And rent didn’t discriminate, pregnant or not.

There were plenty of savings that would keep you going for a while, but the less you had to depend on that, the better. Especially now that your life was going to change drastically in about four months from now, and you needed to be prepared for any unexpected events. There was no saying there wouldn’t be complications, either.

Once all the brushes, scissors and shearing devices were put in place and all shampoo and soap bottles were refilled, you made a small pile of thick towels along with a happy hoodie that was certain to lessen the stress for today’s demon. All the while, you couldn’t help but wonder what demon would walk through the front door of the shop today.

Rescues were often a miserable sight, but you’d be lying if they weren’t a great way to learn and improve your methods. In fact, it was thanks to the collaborative events between you and the local rescue that you’d gotten such a reputable name to begin with.

That, and you were helping the demons as well. Aside from the obvious cleaning, you were also giving them an instance where a human didn’t touch or handle them with a violent touch. Considering most rescues came from abusive or neglected houses, hopefully that small experience would aid them in their first step to trust humans once again. Or for the first time.

Humming, you entered the space where you always bathed, rinsed and showered your demons, placing the bottles of soap and shampoo at a higher ledge to keep them from being launched across your shop thanks to trashing demons that hated to be wet and washed. It wouldn’t be the first time your workshop got coated in bubbles and had you and the demon slipping in all directions.

The demons would be fine. A little spooked, but fine. They were tied to the elastic leash on the wall so they wouldn’t go far, but you still had a sore spot on the back of your head when you once slipped and hit the wall. And that had been over a year ago.

You peeked at the wall clock while rinsing your hands by the large sink. The numbers showed 10:45, meaning that the appointment would be in about fifteen minutes. That is, if it were a normal client.

If there was something you’d come to learn the past years, it was that Takagi, your contact over at the local rescue loved being way on time. That meant that any moment now he would–

The faint noise of a car pulling up resounded outside your shop, and you couldn’t help but smile. “Ah, way too early. Just as expected.”

The opening of a car door and closing followed in their wake, and footsteps approached as the obscured window revealed two shadowy silhouettes at the front door.

The doorbell jingled reassuringly and you quickly snatched your apron bearing your shop’s logo – a cute illustration of a generic demon sitting in a bubbly bathtub– threw it on and approached the shop entrance.

You had hardly unlocked the door before an eager “Gooood morning, (Name)!” boomed in your face, accompanied with a flashy grin from the tall man. “We’re not late, are we?”

“Absolutely not.” You chuckled, already unable to resist the contagious eagerness of the older man. “Good morning, Takagi. Are you certain you don’t just want to plan the appointment 15 minutes earlier than usual instead?”

“If that suits you better,” He said casually, knowing that you were just messing with him. “but I fear I’ll just end up arriving early either way. That’s just in my nature, you know?”

Takagi was one of the older employees at the local rescue, and your official contact there. Whenever there was a demon that needed to be brought over to your salon, he was always the one responsible for arranging it. Ironically enough, you had known the man for much longer than you had the shop, for he was an old friend of your mother. As such, he was a trusted family friend, even if your only contact were these visits that happened a couple times a month.

And your mother never admitted to the claim… but it was very likely that she had recommended your shop to the man, thus marking the beginning of your good relationship with the local rescue and boosting your reputation in one fortunate move.

Though, because of an injury that happened on the job where a terrified demon had lashed out and caught him by surprise, Takagi had been unfortunately incapacitated for four whole months, and today was actually the first time you both saw each other again in quite a while.

Takagi quickly studied you. “Ah but what am I saying? First and foremost (Name), I believe congratulations are in order!”

He of course, meant the evident bump you lugged around every day, and you nodded with the biggest grin plastered onto your face. No matter how many people congratulated you, it felt just as wonderful as the first. Even if you were starting to run out of interesting responses other than: “Yes, thank you!”

“How far along are you?” He almost seemed as joyous as you, and you knew from experience that he was genuinely happy.

“Five months now,” Your hands rested instinctively on your small bump protruding slightly from underneath your apron. “The baby is healthy and growing well, and I’m heading in for another ultrasound in two weeks.” You heaved a sigh. “I keep thinking I’m used to it, but I can’t help but feel anxious with each visit.”

His dark bushy brows shot up. “Well, of course! It does concern the health of your little one, and as a parent you want nothing more for them to be safe. It’s fine to feel nervous – in fact, I think I’d judge you more if you weren’t.”

You blinked at him, surprised that you hadn’t thought of it that way yourself. Before you could say anything in return, however, his bright and eager gaze took a sharper edge to it. “That said… I heard what happened with your partner. Are you doing ok?”

As much as your pregnancy delighted and made you eager to be a mother – the overwhelming shadow that your former partner, the father, had left behind unfortunately haunted your every step, and you feared this question was coming.

Especially since you’d lived pretty much in a mental haze ever since it happened. If anything the responsibility of the shop kept you going, gave you a daily purpose rather than rotting in your own misfortune and potential horrors.

“It’s… better this way.” Truth was, you really didn’t want to talk about him. To grant him any more attention than his actions already demanded. If you had to convince yourself to believe you and your child would be better off without him even if it was a downright lie, then you would cling onto that lie with all your might until it turned out to be real.

Suddenly feeling very self aware, you shyly lowered your gaze downward, only for it to land on the silhouette kneeling behind the man – the demon he brought along. With Takagi’s chatter and sudden questions, you’d been distracted from the demon’s presence. The fact that it was frozen in place without making the slightest noise certainly helped to remain unnoticed.

The smallest hint of the brightest blue eyes you’d ever seen peeked at you between large, thick clumps of dark hair, and for a passing second you found yourself strangely entranced – as if you witnessed a beautiful, fleeting moment.

The moment that defined whether a demon tolerated your presence, based on their first instinctual impressions. An instinct that abused and neglected demons took as reality, often influenced by the events of their past, and one where you had to tread carefully.

But the moment was fleeting, because what your gaze focused on next took your breath away, and you could swear your heart dropped straight through your big pregnant gut, and right into your bloated feet.

All you could see was just a gigantic pile of neglected, overgrown, uncared and matted dark hair. In the way the demon was leaning back on their haunches, kneeling down to the ground, the hair literally covered them from head to toe. Only the slightest glimpse of their face occasionally managed to peek through the clumps of thick filthy hair.

You immediately recognized the first signs of the demon’s neglect. Their hair hadn’t been cut for the longest of time, or in the worst case scenario – ever.

Whoever previously owned them clearly never bothered to brush, take care or send them to a groomer. You felt like you were staring straight at a bunch of bird nests somehow mushed together into one chaotic structure. You could hardly see their actual face, and you cringed visibly as you caught a whiff of the downright putrid smell that reeked off of them.

Adding onto your mental list, you began to doubt whether or not they ever got a bath either. And that was just from what you could see with a quick glance. There was no saying what you would encounter once you got to work on them. God, the poor, poor thing.

You had to get to work.

“But please, come in. And I’ll get you two settled.” You stepped back to allow the man and demon to enter. Suddenly very motivated to start and try to lessen this demon’s predicament rather than dwell on what happened to you in the past.

“Don’t mind if we do! I must mention though, I cannot stay for long.” Catching the hint, no further questions regarding your former partner’s dubious actions were thrown in your way, and Takagi entered the shop with the demon cautiously in tow.

Once inside, the demon immediately retreated behind the man’s legs. The hair covered head moved a bit, and you realized the demon was checking out the new room he found himself in. All the different scents must make him anxious. If he could even smell anything properly with that wall of crusty hair obscuring his senses.

Takagi smiled tenderly down at the demon and then back to you. “Dear (Name), this is one of our newly rescued demons. He’s very shy and anxious, but thus far he’s been nothing but a gentle demon.” He gestured at the creature, and upon feeling both your direct gazes on him, he ducked inward a bit more.

“What’s their name?” You ask quietly, not wanting to spook or intimidate the poor thing any more than it already was in this new, daunting environment.

“His name is Aizetsu…. I think.” He chuckled a tad awkwardly. “This one was rescued along with three others, and one of them felt open enough to share their names to us, and… nothing else. Upon asked, they don’t want to say which name belongs to which demon, so we’re kinda still in the process of figuring out who is who.” He shrugged casually. “But this one responded to Aizetsu, so we assume that’s his name. But we don’t know much about him aside from the fact that he’s male.”

You nodded and peeked back at the demon hiding behind him. “So, what do I need to know about Aizetsu’s behavior before I start preparing him?”

“You probably noticed just by looking at him, but we found him and his three brothers in a severely neglected state.” Takagi began, the former pleasantness draining his features into something more sharp. “We don’t know all the details regarding their former owner, because it’s actually the police that found out about their existence. Supposedly they were there to arrest the owner on some pretty severe charges. None of those charges had anything to do with neglecting demons, unfortunately.”

No, of course they weren’t. As much as you and Takagi tried your hardest to improve demon lives, most of society really only saw them as exotic pets with no rights. Meaning that there were no rules set in place that would punish abusive behavior or other forms of mistreatment, and that people usually weren’t punished for it.

“They investigated the rest of the house, and found these four in separate rooms in the basement in just… awful, awful conditions.”

Your stomach churned, and yet some terrible curiosity needed to know to sympathize. “Meaning…?”

He scrunched his nose and shook his head. “Just the worst neglect someone could imagine. You’re really better off not knowing the details, (Name). Me and the others at the rescue having seen it is more than enough.”

Your gaze went back on the trembling demon; your heart aching in sympathy as well as disgust. You wondered what was going through the demon’s head right now, as the two of you discussed details of his former life.

“So, when they found the neglected demons in dire need of help, and cops being cops, they wanted to put a bullet through their heads. Probably to project the blame onto their owner so they could forge an even bigger record on the man.”

Your hands cupped your mouth in horror. “No! But then, how did they…?”

“Fortunately there was a female officer with them that’s worked with us before, and she ended up having to beg them to allow her to call our local rescue.” Takagi heaved a deep sigh. “Even then, for us to be allowed to go there, we had to reassure them that they would never hear about the demons and their own involvement ever again. Not from others, not from the news. For all we know, these demons were simply dropped on our front porch by some random stranger.”

“Did they seriously threaten you?” One could argue the fact he was telling you of this right now rather than keeping it quiet, but he was a man of honesty, and you were certain he provided you the truth because he really wanted people to understand what the demon went through. He was that committed to helping them.

“It’s all in a day of our work, (Name). Once the cops finished flashing their authority, we went in there to capture them.” He glanced down at the demon behind him. “This guy was the first and easiest to catch. Poor thing was so immobilized by fear that my colleague went into his room and just scooped him right out. The other three though?”

He whistled, and the demon behind him startled at the high-pitched noise. To which he flashed him an apologetic smile. “They gave the crew the workout of their lives. It took us truly five hours before we finally managed to catch and drag out the last one, but it was worth every single moment of it…”

“Aizetsu and his siblings have been with us for a few days now, and we allowed them time to realize and understand that their living quarters have changed, and have been feeding and looking after them gradually to try and get them get used to human contact.”

Your brows raised curiously. “And how’s that been going for you?”

Takagi loosed out a troubled breath. “Let’s say we have varying degrees of progress on the four. Aizetsu here has made the most progress because he tolerates being touched.” Takagi sucked in a breath. “Then again, even though he does, he also shows hardly any response to it, so that’s a bit of a concern. We think he might be too scared to have a reaction, unlike two of his brothers.”

Curiosity got the best of you, and that’s where you made a mistake: “Will they be up for adoption, too?”

You only realized your mistake once Takagi’s eyes suddenly flashed with mischief. “Once they pass every test, they eventually will. I have my concerns about the angriest one, but I won’t stop until he shows even the slightest hint of warming up to someone.” His eyes narrowed cheekily at you, and you knew exactly what he was going to say next.

“Why? Have we finally reached the point in time where you’re thinking about adopting one of your own?”

As was evident with your many past encounters, Takagi never allowed the opportunity to ask slip through his fingers. Back in the day, he was so shocked to find out that despite being someone who was very experienced handling demons, and bearing a similar passion and love for their wellbeing as he did – you didn’t have a demon yourself.

There were a handful of reasons for this, which you’d made very clear to the man whenever he returned to the subject. Your excuses usually ranged from: I’m just too busy to properly take care of one. To the more reasonable: My house is rather small, and I don’t think I can offer them a home they would thrive in.

Seeing right through you, his brow always raised as if to say really? Those reasons wouldn’t have stopped anyone else from adopting one, and a lot of them were far from as qualified as owning one than you did. You knew that if a demon somehow ended up in your care, you would do your utmost best to give him the best life and home the demon could wish for.

Still, you’d been set on your decision for the past years since you started this work. You weren’t entirely sure why you kept making excuses, but somewhere along the line you’d started to believe them.

Maybe it was so you wouldn’t have to think any further about the true reason, which had nothing to do with you in the first place. And now that Takagi was asking you about it once again… you were feeling tempted to spill it to him, knowing there was nothing left to pretend.

But you caught yourself before you could give into the sweet temptation of spite, knowing it added absolutely nothing worthwhile. If anything, it would most likely sour part of your day as well as Takagi’s…

And again, you had to remind yourself that you didn’t want to give the source of said reason any more thought and attention than he already demanded on a daily basis.

“You’ll never cease trying to pair me with one of your rescues, won’t you?” A soft laugh passed your lips, knowing that he really only did because he was convinced it would only add more to your life, and he really wanted that happiness for you. “I hate to disappoint you, but my reasons haven’t changed. In fact, in about four months from now I’ll even have less time to spend on a demon than I do now.”

“So you think!” He countered enthusiastically, jabbing a finger up in the air. “But I’d argue that adopting a more gentle and patient demon into the household is very beneficial with a little one around. Especially now that your partner isn’t around anymore, and combined with your grooming salon a demon could potentially help you to relieve the pressure put on you.”

You shot him a look. “Adopting a demon to take over my chores isn’t really a prime reason why I’d reconsider getting one, Takagi.” The last thing you wanted to do was turn a creature like that into a servant of sorts.

He shook his head, intent on getting his message across. “No no, you’re misunderstanding. Of course they could help in the household, but I’m just saying. It’s tough being a single mother with a newborn and a job that demands a lot of you. There are demons specifically bred and trained to be gentle and, uh, perhaps important for your particular situation – protective of their owners and their children.”

The latter part had you looking up with a snap – so taken back by what he was implying – that you actually glared at the man for a passing heartbeat before catching yourself. But not before you saw the realization settle on your friend’s face.

A sudden chill had taken to your skin and blood, causing your very core to tremble.

Looks like Tagaki knew more of the finer details of your recently changed situation than he initially let on.

You blinked nervously. “Mom told you?”

The man slowly nodded, his features stark.

“How much did she tell you?” You tried, urging the frustration heating your blood to simmer back down. You hated it when your mother decided to share private things when you clearly asked her not to do so, everything was already complicated enough, and the last thing you wanted was others to try and butt into what you should do.

“Enough for me to know you need protection.” He provided, his gaze stern yet concerned.

A growing pressure of panic threatened to squeeze your throat as you scrambled for excuses to cut this topic short. “The police have everything under control, so that won’t be necessary.”

“I’m just saying,” Tagaki said carefully, choosing his words. “A demon could keep you safe from someone like him. From what your mother told me, it appears you’re under a great ordeal of stress, and that’s not good for you nor the little one you’re carrying around.”

Clenching your jaw to keep yourself from snapping at the man, you honestly didn’t know why his concern for your well being felt like such a stab to your back. Not to mention your mother for just blabbering about this so openly to random people. What if word of his actions leaked out and somehow reached him? What would happen then?

Your gaze landed on the clock, where the numbers marked 10:59. It was time to get to work; you had to do what you were meant to do today – your escape.

You took a breath to calm your rising anxiety, turning back to Tagaki. “If… it gets out of hand, I’ll let you know.” It was the most basic answer you could give without outright telling him you would consider adopting a demon, but truly, you had no other idea how to get him to stop discussing this topic. “Alright?”

Because he meant well, he really did. Even if your fight and flight instinct was urging the opposite, and that wasn’t any of his fault.

Tagaki must’ve caught the glimpse within your gaze that you were simply not up for discussing this, and nodded. “I told your mother the same thing, if there’s ever anything you need; you can always contact me. I might not always be able to help with everything, but I’m sure we can find a solution together with the three of us.”

“Thank you,” And you meant it. “But the last thing I want to do right now is stress myself even further by thinking about him unless I have to.”

Tagaki’s eyes hardened just ever so slightly, not satisfied with your answer even though he seemed content to drop the matter for now. “Understandable.”

All the while, the demon just sat behind the man. Quietly and observing the shop he currently found himself in; showing no interest whatsoever in the topic or conversation you found yourselves in.

“How about we get Aizetsu here settled first and foremost? I really want to cut some of that heavy hair of his, as it must be very uncomfortable for him.” You suggested instead, eager to work and have something else to focus on.

Having to look at the severely neglected demon hiding away behind Tagaki made you restless to get to work. The less longer the demon was forced to endure the results of his neglect, the better. This demon clearly needed your help, and soon.

“Ah sorry about that, (Name), and here I said I didn’t have a lot of time to stay and I just go on blabbering like that.” He chuckled sincerely and looked down at the demon behind him, taking a step to the side.

Almost instantly, the demon tried to inch back behind him, but Takagi outstretched his arm so the leash, which he held rather short, wouldn’t reach far enough for the demon to do so. The demon’s movements were slow and lazy, but when he hitched on the leash, he tried again, and again. Seemingly getting more restless with each attempt.

“No, Aizetsu.” He corrected firmly, but not harshly. “Today we’re going to do something a little different. Remember what I told you before we left this morning?”

You observed, feeling somewhat tense in having to witness this exchange. As expected however, the demon said nothing in return, but he did cease his attempts to hide behind him. Though you suspected it was more because of his fear for punishment rather than actual obedience.

“Today we’re visiting (Name). She’s a very kind woman who’s going to keep you in her salon for a few hours so she can get you thoroughly cleaned and washed.” The demon cautiously tilted his head at the man once it was mentioned he had to stay here. “It might be a little uncomfortable and scary at first, but I want you to behave and listen to everything she says, ok?”

It might’ve been spoken as a request, but you saw it for what it truly was. An order, a command for the timid demon to follow. An establishment of responsibility and leadership was what most demons needed to be made clear, especially if – in this case – the current caretaker was leaving the demon in someone else’s hands. Aizetsu needed to be made clear that he needed to listen to you and your instructions once Takagi left the salon to deal with other matters.

A simple concept on the surface, but for a demon that had been neglected or abused, having known nothing but dubious relationships with humans – this was like asking him to shift its entire understanding of reality, and to put themselves in a highly vulnerable position. After all, they didn’t know you. How could they possibly know what you were going to do with them?

Most rescues you’d groomed here at the salon had been terrified of you, because they were expecting you to act exactly like people had done in the past. They had no reason to trust you, no matter how much Takagi reassured and explained the process to them.

Expecting no answer from said demon, Takagi turned back to you. “I tested Aizetsu in a couple of social exercises back at the rescue center. So far, he’s not lashed out or snapped at anyone yet. But if you feel like he might be inclined to do so, please don’t hesitate to muzzle him for your safety.”

You hummed a nod, making a mental reminder of the demon having passed some social exercises so far. Which was a good sign, as you remembered past demon clients that desperately needed muzzles to keep yourself safe. You always tried your best to get demons through it without stressing them out too much, but sometimes you were left with no other choice. “Understood. Are there any triggers that I should keep in mind with Aizetsu?”

“He seems easily spooked by sudden loud noises, from what I’ve gathered in the few days we’ve had him around.” He pondered some more. “Same goes for unexpected touches, I like to think it helps if you announce what you’re going to do. That way you won’t take him by surprise.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. Judging from that, Aizetsu wasn’t going to like the water hose and the blow dryers once he’d been bathed. Which could complicate matters, but it would far from be the only time that you handled a demon scared for those very same things.

“I think he likes it when you talk to him too. Calm and quietly.” Takagi remarked. “He shrinks away when someone snaps at him.”

So a lot of calm talking, instructions and gentle touches. Got it. It was enough knowledge for you to start working on him, and you would undoubtedly come to discover new traits and things the rescued demon hadn’t expressed at the rescue center.

“Anything else you think I should know before I get to work?” You asked.

“Aside from the fact that he’s male, quiet, scared and timid – no, I don’t think so. Because frankly that’s all we know at the center. Oh, and if you discover anything else about him, or if something’s up, please don’t hesitate to message me. I’ve got my phone on me 24/7, so I’ll be guaranteed to see your message shortly.” His gaze narrowed at you. “If you feel like you can’t get the job done because of your precious cargo, you also tell me, ok?”

It was obvious that he, and everyone else that doubted your capabilities due to your pregnancy only voiced their concerns because they were worried for you and your infant. But you would be lying if it wasn’t starting to get to you, especially since you were still working and dealing with your client just fine without any incidents.

You reined in the annoyance. It was probably your anxieties and hormones speaking, but sometimes it felt like people were infantilizing you.

“I’m pregnant, not enfeebled.” You teased, laughing. “Don’t worry. I think I’ll manage, but if something’s up, I’ll call you.”

He gave you a knowing look, but allowed the matter to rest. “I’ll leave you to your work, then.” He offered you the leash and you took it without hesitation, wrapping the end tightly around your hand. While you didn’t want to show dominance explicitly, it was the way to get nervous and tense demons to understand the dynamic between you. Small gestures like those were required, whether you liked it or not. You were here to help them, not to suit your own needs and convictions.

The gesture didn’t escape Takagi, and a certain tension lifted from his features. He turned to the demon once again. “Aizetsu, I’ll be leaving you with (Name) now. While you’re getting your salon treatment, I have to get your three brothers to the groomers as well.”

At the mention of his siblings, the demon perked up; a soft noise escaping him as the tension seemed to leave him for a split second. For a moment you thought he was going to speak, to ask anything about his siblings, but he remained in the same silence as before, and Takagi smiled down at him. “Now, you behave and listen to (Name), got it? She’s going to take good care of you. I’ll pick you back up as soon as she’s finished.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the praise, feeling somewhat relieved that he was only dropping one of the four demons in your salon. From the small snippets of information Tagaki shared, Aizetsu’s other siblings seemed much more energetic, and there were only so many rescues you could put up with before needing some normal clients again.

Bathing, washing and taking care of Aizetsu, a clearly anxious demon, would be more than enough for you today.

You allowed your gaze to wander down at the cowering demon, who must’ve felt your eyes on him and timidly turned to you, before peeking back at his current caregiver. As if he wasn’t sure who to listen to, and a clear sign that Takagi needed to get his butt out of here already to avoid further confusion for the already nervous demon.

Understanding the hint, Takagi determinedly strode to the door. “Well, I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be back to pick you up in a few hours, Aizetsu. So make sure to behave until then.” With one final wave, he exited the salon. Promptly followed with the sound of his departing vehicle.

An anxious whine left Aizetsu’s throat the instant Takagi disappeared from his sight, and he couldn’t stop looking at the door. Confirming exactly what you’d feared for. The man had stayed around for too long in this new and scary environment for the demon, and now the only person he was even a little familiar with had left him here with a complete stranger, you.

“Don’t you worry, he will be back soon enough.” You lowered yourself to his level, making certain you intercepted his line of sight and smiled. “How about we get you settled and prepared, Aizetsu?”

You didn’t wait for a reply, knowing you wouldn’t get one as he was figuring things out. You got back up on your feet and gently tugged on the leash a couple of times to have him follow you to the bathing area.

It took a little bit of prompting, but he eventually gave in and removed his sights from the door and followed you. All the while, you decided to talk to him to keep his thoughts from straying away to other matters and instead focus on you.

“First of all, I want to welcome you to my salon, Aizetsu. I’m (Name), and in my daily life I work as a demon groomer. Meaning that I work on making demons as clean and presentable as possible, and that’s exactly what we’ll be doing today. If you don’t mind me saying, you look like you desperately need a good washing and a nice haircut.”

He definitely needed way more, but the last thing you wanted was to overwhelm the demon with phrases he probably didn’t even know. As neglected as he was, he probably never had any of these things before.

No answer or sound came from the demon except his soft footsteps behind you. It was relieving to hear that he was actually following you. So far he was taking Takagi’s command to heart.

You then stopped, and the demon followed your example almost instantly. “Before we continue, I want to make you feel as comfortable as possible around here. You haven’t shown any signs of wanting to run away, and as such, I want to try and take your leash off.” You raised a brow at the demon, still clueless whether or not he could actually see you through that mountain of tangled and matted hair descending most of his body.

“But in order to do that, I’m gonna need you to listen to everything I say. Do you think you think you can do that? Otherwise we can leave it on, should you feel more at ease like that.”

The latter was definitely a possibility, especially for anxious demons. Sometimes the promise of freedom came with too much responsibility, and spooked them in the process.

At the mention of having his leash taken off, Aizetsu’s head jerked up and he slowly looked around the salon. As if he were deciding whether or not the area and person he found himself with was safe enough to be ok with such a thing. Nobody had ever asked him something like that – or asked him his opinion on anything, for that matter.

He was cowering so lowly, and taking so long that you were about to conclude that he wanted to keep it on. Either option was fine for you, though.

“…. take…. it….”

You were about to approach the bath by the wall when the softest noise caught your attention, and you froze. If you didn’t know any better, you could’ve sworn the sound was anything but his voice. Like the faint creak of a chair, undoubtedly from lack of use. But you did know better, and after Aizetsu had been wrapped in such silence with Takagi around, you’d almost started to believe that the demon refused to talk out of fear.

“What did you say, Aizetsu?” You gently prompted, a soft smile decorating your lips as you were starting to feel more hopeful for him. “You’ll have to speak up a bit louder, I didn’t quite get that.” You tried.

The shudder of a breath left him as he struggled with the idea that he was asked to speak his actual wants. Even if it was just a mere leash to you, to him it was anything but.

After another passing heartbeat, he tried again. His voice muffled mostly by the wall of thick hair around him. “I-I… I’d like it off.” He repeated louder this time, nearly stumbling over his words. Although it was still rather soft to you, you did manage to catch what he was trying to say. And that’s what mattered.

“Then that’s what we’ll do. If you decide later that you want it back on, just let me know, alright?” You reassured him. “I’m here to look after and take care of you, so if there’s anything you want me to know, don’t hesitate to tell me.”

You were aware this was a near impossible request for a demon pet like him to fulfill, but you laid it out there nonetheless. The more he believed he could trust you, the better. It would make this entire process so much smoother and easier on him.

“I’ll be removing your leash, then.” You informed him, remembering what Takagi had recommended: informing Aizetsu of everything you were going to do, and you assumed this regarded literally every little detail. “You have a lot of long hair though, so I will have to get up in there to do so. It might feel a little weird, but I assure you I won’t hurt you. Is that ok with you?”

The demon said nothing, and instead remained frozen on his spot on the floor. You decided to take his lack of reluctance and resistance as an answer, and slowly dropped down onto your knees while suppressing a groan from the weight of your belly, and extended your hands to the most furious black mane of chaotic hair you’d ever witnessed.

Gently, your fingers pushed aside the black locks for as much as the tangled state of them allowed you to. When he felt you touch his hair, Aizetsu took a sharp inhale and tensed like a brick.

It prompted you to halt. “Do you want me to stop?”

“N-no…” He whined out, and you almost believed he was on the verge of bursting out into tears. The poor thing was most likely expecting your touch to hurt him. Still, his answer was clear.

“Alright. I won’t hurt you, Aizetsu. I promise. I’m just going to remove the leash from your collar.” You kept reminding him as your fingers gently paved a path through his matted dark locks. Somewhere in the back of your head you wondered whether or not he genuinely believed what you were telling him, or was taking your claims as a lie wrapped up in gentleness. It was probably safe to assume the latter. But he favored the leash off so badly that he was willing to put himself through this suffering.

The demon was so tense he was actually trembling, and you were relieved when your fingers at last brushed against the familiar touch of steel at the end of the leash, and swiftly unhooked it from his collar and rolled it up in your hands.

That’s when you noticed how greasy and slick your skin had become just by lightly touching his hair. Not to mention the foul odor that now clung to your hands. Yyou had to try your best not to cringe for his sake.

Good heavens, you’d never seen a demon before that needed a bath and haircut as badly as Aizetsu did. And after four years of cleaning and taking care of rescues, that was saying a lot.

“There we go. The leash is off.” You said, ignoring the scent of death. You were going to add ‘Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?’ hadn’t the demon looked like he was moments away from passing out from shock; still as tense as a rock and trembling.

It had been a good first exercise to introduce him to non-harmful touching, but you decided it was better to give him a moment to try and recover from being touched by a literal stranger. So instead you approached the bath. “Now, what I’ll do next is run a bath for you, Aizetsu. The water will make a bit of noise and might be a tad unpleasant at first, but I assure you it will not hurt you in any kind of way.”

His steady but loud shudders of breath were the only indicator that he was listening, for they changed their rhythm every time he tried to register what you were telling him. When you turned on the water you spotted him flinching from the corner of your eye, confirming exactly what Takagi had told you about his fear of loud noises. Still, it was necessary for the process so the demon simply had to learn how to deal with it one way or another.

For now, you left the water running while turning to Aizetsu for the next step, and you were very curious how he was going to react to this. “Before we bathe you, I would like you to take off your clothes.”

The sudden request wasn’t enough to shake his tension, but you were pleased to see that his trembling ceased once his attention got shifted. The demon seemed to glance down at himself – at his long sleeved black shirt and matching loose pants, and then back up at you.

“Hmhm, those.” You affirmed, gesturing at the set of clean clothes the rescue center undoubtedly granted him. “It would be a shame if those got all wet and cold. That, and I cannot properly clean you unless you take them off.”

The demon seemed to struggle with what you were asking of him, and you didn’t blame him. Stripping in front of a stranger, especially when you’ve been neglected and abused by people from the same species must be a terribly daunting prospect, but unfortunately there was nothing else you could do to make this process any less vulnerable for him.

For a moment he hardly moved, but you waited patiently. Clearly he was considering his place here and the moments from his past. As well as the order that Takagi had given him to obey everything you asked of him, even if it went against everything his mind and body were screaming at him for the sake of self protection.

But then, slowly but surely – his long sleeves shifted and the hands he’d been hiding inside finally peeked out at the ends. You blinked, surprised to see the darker skin tone of said demon. With all of the chaotic hair you’d barely gotten a true glimpse at the actual demon yet, so to actually see details of him was a pleasant surprise because you were highly curious of what he would look like once you got through all that hair.

His hands looked like the rest of him – not taken care of in the slightest, and at the end of each finger were long, darkened fingernails that had not been clipped in forever.

Aizetsu had pushed his hands out of his sleeves to grab the hem of his shirt, but before he could nervously pull it over his head, you stopped him. “Just a second, Aizetsu. I’m going to get something real quick.”

He flinched and froze upon hearing your sudden command; instantly convinced that he’d done something wrong and upset you, and observed with tension as you pushed yourself up to walk to the back of the room to grab something, before making your way back over and slowly lowered yourself back on the floor. “You have such long nails, I think it would be good if we trimmed them a little bit before we continue.”

“W… why?” Came the muffled question from the thick mane of hair as he held his hands close to his chest, as if you were going to chop them off any moment now.

“They’re very dirty, and I might be mistaken, but I believe they are ragged and cracked at the edges.” You explained calmly, holding the clipper in front of you so he could observe it. “This is a nail clipper, it’s a simple tool to shorten your nails a little bit.”

Aizetsu cowered a little bit, and his trembling increased as he held his hands closer. “Please… don’t take my nails away…”

You shook your head, reminding yourself that despite his vulnerable display, it was important to stay positive and keep a soft smile on your lips to give him the impression it really wasn’t that serious. “I won’t, I’ll only make them a bit shorter. That way they won’t be as easily damaged, and way easier to clean.”

Aizetsu still didn’t look convinced, and you perked up as an idea struck you. “Here, I’ll show you. Look –” You raised your other hand and splayed it open so that he could clearly see your own trimmed nails. “This is what they’ll look like once I’m done.”

You got your answer regarding your earlier question whether or not the demon could actually see, because he quietly observed your raised hand before he dared to lean closer to get a better look. The demon then leaned back, peeking down at his own hands before dragging his gaze back to yours – and repeated that for a couple of times in a clear internal struggle happening inside his head.

He didn’t trust you, that much was clear. But with situations like these, he was starting to doubt his initial reaction because what you showed him made sense. More so than his instinctive responses currently did.

This was going to be a very slow process, you were beginning to realize. But it didn’t matter. This was why you only took one rescue a day and no other clients. Even if it took you all day, you were going to make sure this demon got a proper bath and haircut. You wouldn’t go home achieving anything less if it were up to you.

“Doesn’t look so bad, does it, Aizetsu?” You said, breaking through his pondering. After a heartbeat, he made the faintest shake of his head, and you smiled at his timidness. Lowering your hand between you with palm faced up, you asked; “Will you allow me to trim your nails? I promise I’ll be gentle with them.”

After all, they were very important to demons. Some of them had straight up claws, while others like Aizetsu didn’t. But there was still that sliver of instinct residing in their blood that made them believe they were very important to them, even if modern day demons didn’t hunt like they used to anymore. Without them, they felt like they had one less way of protecting themselves.

Which… was also why you needed them trimmed before you began bathing him. Takagi had advised to muzzle Aizetsu in case he ended up getting snappy to protect you from his large fangs, but demons had more than one way to harm others. Their claws – or nails in Aizetsu’s case – could still easily cut a human’s skin even with the slightest wipe. So for your own safety you always made certain to trim a demon’s claws or nails.

Another defensive tool was a demon’s horns. Fortunately for you, it appeared Aizetsu didn’t have any of those, which meant one less thing to concern yourself about.

After enough coercion, Aizetsu at last relented and tentatively held out his hand. He said nothing, but you could feel his piercing gaze nearly digging holes in your outstretched hand, ready to retreat at the first sign of you doing something he didn’t approve of, so you had to treat carefully. Lest you wished to repeat this entire cycle all over again.

“That’s good, Aizetsu.” You praised quietly as you slowly inched your hand closer to his. “May I take your hand in mine?”

There was another lack of response, but the demon didn’t retreat his hand, so you carefully reached out and took his larger hand into your own – becoming very aware of Aizetsu’s potential real size. He’d been cowering ever since he and Takagi entered the salon, so his full height and size once he stood upright on two legs was still a mystery to you.

“That’s good…” You repeated your praise in hope that would reassure him.

Gently, your fingers enclosed around his hand as you reached forward to begin the process of trimming his very long and filthy nails. You nearly failed to hide your disgust at the neglect this demon must’ve suffered through as a resounding click echoed through the space of the salon as you clipped his index finger, the top of his nail flicking into some random direction.

Aizetsu jolted lightly at the sudden noise, as expected, and you loosened your hold just enough for him to not feel restricted. His gaze focused on his trimmed nail, and much to his surprise he found that it indeed looked quite similar to your own.

It was enough to have him inch his hand closer on his own, and you went to work on his second digit, then the third, the fourth – until the entire hand was finished. All while keeping a watchful eye on his posture and reactions. Just because he was a timid demon that seemed to trust you for now, did not mean he couldn’t lash out unpredictably.

“And now the other hand.” To your surprise he obeyed without nearly any hesitation; replacing his trimmed hand with the other. A smile crept to your lips as you neatly clipped his other nails. There certainly was hope yet for this timid and anxious demon, even if his hand was literally trembling within your grasp.

“Aaaand all done. You did really well, Aizetsu.” You released his hand and watched how he observed it quietly; rubbing the pad of his thumb along the edges of his trimmed nails in an almost entranced motion. This really must’ve been the first time anyone ever trimmed his nails.

“That looks so much better.” Feeling a surge of satisfaction, you put the nail clipper to the side for now. You doubted the nails on his feet looked anything better, and in a perfect scenario you would trim those right after – but just like with their hands, demons were very protective of their feet as well. Since you were already asking so much from the anxious demon, you decided to wait with that after you bathed him and cut his hair.

Speaking of which… you suddenly found yourself conflicted as you observed the demon. He really was almost entirely covered with his long hair, and the state of it was just downright terrible. To have hair that was as tangled and matted as his must be really painful for the demon’s scalp… so much that you were actually considering already cutting pieces off before you even decided to bathe and wash him.

“Your hair must be so heavy and painful, with all those matted locks tugging against your scalp…”

You hadn’t realized you’d spoken that part out loud until Aizetsu turned his focus back to you. He briefly fidgeted with his fingers. “It does hurt.” His quiet voice broke the silence.

Your heart trembled in sympathy for the poor demon, and you swallowed against the sudden block lodged in your throat. To have him affirm your suspicions only made you feel worse, but most of all angry at the person responsible. “I’m considering cutting off some big chunks of your hair before I decide to bathe you. Would you like that?”

“Yes…” He responded almost instantly, confirming that the matter of his hair was a priority for the demon, and you felt bad for making him endure the nail clipping before even prioritizing the biggest problem in the room. You’d done so to keep yourself safe while working on him, but still.

“I will have to get close to you. Kinda like before when I detached the leash from your collar.” To emphasize the meaning, you tentatively shuffled closer, watching the demon’s posture carefully as he watched you. With his hands balled in the fabric of his pants, his body was as rigid as a rock, but aside from that you still sensed no sign of hostility from the demon.

“Rinsing your head like it is now, the weight of your hair will be immense, and I don’t want to potentially hurt you.” You explained slowly as you reached down your apron and pulled out one of your scissors from one of the small pockets and held the tool in front of him. He stared at it for a passing second before slightly leaning forward, maybe smelling it. “This is what I’ll use to cut your hair.”

The only response was a deep, shuddering sigh.

You had no clue whether your current scissors were sharp enough to cut hair of such bad quality, but you would try. You knelt down next to him and reached over him to grab locks of his dark, thick hair. Cutting off excess and terribly matted and tangled pieces that you could reach easily. All the while, Aizetsu endured the start of the haircut with the stiffness of a plank. The fierce grip he had on his pants causing his knuckles to pale.

He hated this. His previous owner hardly ever approached him and his brothers. Touches equaled pain, that’s simply how it had always been like in that basement, and If it wasn’t him who bore the front of it, it was certainly one of his brothers in the other rooms.

And while Aizetsu initially didn’t sense any hint of hostility from you, he just couldn’t let his guard down. No matter how kind you acted, you were still a total stranger. Every time you mentioned getting close, all he could see before his obscured eyes was a vague shadow looming over him, and he instinctively tensed up; preparing for a sudden blow to the head, to the hands, legs, or any other vulnerable spot.

Hearing the sound of snapping scissors, along with the ghost-like caress of your fingers through his hair made him want to rip himself away and hide somewhere until Takagi returned to pick him up. Only problem being, if he did, Aizetsu would be in big trouble, he just knew it. Everything he did could potentially be punishable. Even answering your questions felt like treading into dangerous territory, and yet refusing to answer wasn’t an option either because he’d be defying you, and that was a certified way to get punished.

Either way, he was going through hell. He was almost starting to long to be back in that dark basement. The lack of attention and the few unexpected touches his previous owner gave him were so much better than being approached and touched this much by you and the other rescue workers all so suddenly.

At least in that dark house he knew his brothers were nearby somewhere. Aizetsu hadn’t even seen them ever since he got taken from the house, and he missed them dearly. Scenarios of what happened to them constantly haunted him. Takagi did mention that he was bringing them to grooming salons as well, but somehow the meaning of that passed him by in his constant panic. He couldn’t do anything but worry for their wellbeing.

With each snip, large locks of thick hair dropped to the floor around him, and Aizetsu decided to start counting how many pieces you cut off. Anything to try to get his heart to stop bursting out of his chest from panic and stress of what his future could possibly bring.

Because so far it was only getting worse and worse since he’d been separated from his brothers...

[keerysfreckles]

august — cam cameron

pairing: cam cameron x fem!reader

summary: y/n has a summer job at the cousins bakery. cam cameron likes to find excuses to buy muffins every day.

warnings: none? just a long fic (i got carried away oopsies)

a/n: already rewatching tsitp and i finished it this week I LOVE IT SO MUCH FJSHJDHSH

masterlist !

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

cousins beach was so surreal in the summertime. it was the busiest time of the year for the small town. the beaches were crowded and the boardwalk never slept.

everyone practically knew everyone. that's what y/n might have loved most about it. besides her close friend isabel conklin of course.

the girls met in the summer of 2017 when y/n's family started driving three hours to their newly bought beach house. it was in the same neighborhood as the beck house, meaning y/n and belly quickly became friends. belly always invited y/n over, and grew fondly of conrad and jeremiah fisher. she eventually learned to enjoy steven's presence as well.

the two girls have been inseparable since. every summer you'd find them attached at the hip, with conrad, jeremiah and steven following behind.

this summer however was different. not for belly though, she was still just as obsessed with the older fisher brother. the summer was already different for y/n. her father made the decision for the girl to get a summer job. her mother wasn't too thrilled with the idea, just wanting her daughter to have a memorable summer. but after officially getting hired at the local bakery, y/n didn't mind.

she's always loved going to the bakery. it was almost tradition for her mother to buy a pie to bring to susannah's fourth of july parties. y/n always begged for the double chocolate chip muffins before they left at the beginning of august. nine out of ten times she left with a smile on her face and a muffin in her hands.

the first week of work went smoothly for y/n. belly stopped by everyday to check on her. jeremiah went with her one morning for a muffin run, and conrad went with her once to buy chocolate chip cookies to cheer up a very upset steven.

two new faces came into the bakery with belly and the fisher brothers. conrad and jeremiah immediately went to the small stand with different flavors of cupcakes. belly walked up to the counter, with the two newcomers trailing behind her.

"hey bells," y/n smiles, leaning against the cold counter.

"hi," she smiles back, "i just had to bring everyone here for the best muffins in the whole wide world."

belly gestures to the two friends behind her. the girl to her right has dirty blonde hair, with thick mascara covering her eyelashes.

"this is taylor," taylor waves.

the boy to her left has brown curly hair, with darker skin than belly's, and y/n can't help but smile when be does.

"and this is cam," belly pushes him forward a bit.

"it's cam cameron actually!" jeremiah interrupts from the other side of the small store.

y/n can't help bit giggle, "cam cameron?"

"yeah, cam or uh- cameron works just as well."

y/n sends him one last smile before turning back towards belly, "so i'm guessing you didn't just come in here to chat?"

belly shakes her head and gives y/n the muffin order, including steven's request who was busy with his summer job at the pool as a server.

y/n was quick to pack the 7 muffins in a box before handing them to belly. she walked over to conrad after paying, with taylor following behind. cam sent a wave to y/n, which she happily reciprocated, before watching them walk out of the store.

—

the next day at the bakery was quite boring for y/n. an older couple came in and ordered a cake, and a family of four ordered a dozen muffins. y/n was in the middle of cleaning and rewriting on one of the chalkboards on the wall when the bell above the door rang.

"oh hey cam cameron!" y/n turned to see the curly headed boy from yesterday.

he smiled at the name, not hating it when it came out of her mouth.

"what can i do for you?" she sets down the chalk and walks behind the counter. cam follows as he stands on the opposite side.

he gives her his order, which was one blueberry muffin for himself to enjoy. she slides the small bag across the counter, but cam doesn't want to leave the store just yet.

"seeing as you're not busy," cam chuckles as he looks around the store, "do you mind if i keep you company?"

y/n instantly shakes her head, "no, no not at all. i'd actually love that today. it's been so slow."

cam nods, "yeah i saw the boardwalk was pretty busy on the way over here."

the pair talked for over an hour, when to both of them it only felt like ten minutes. y/n couldn't keep her smile off her face when he was around.

cam pauses in the middle of his story when his phone buzzes from his pocket. "shoot," he sighs, "my mom wants me home for lunch."

cam grabs his bag before walking towards the door, "i'll see you!"

y/n smiles and waves, "bye cam cameron."

for the rest of her shift y/n couldn't stop thinking about cam. their conversation earlier ranged from their favorite foods, to cam's love for marine biology, and even to y/n's hidden talent of being a boss at karaoke (belly's words, not hers.)

—

a week had passed and cam stopped by the bakery every day. his order varied from muffins, to cupcakes, to cookies. cam accidentally admitted to the girl he visited her to keep her company. it absolutely warmed her heart and a giggle fell from her lips.

y/n practically skipped out of the bakery and towards her yellow bike. she knew she'd call belly as soon as she got home to tell her what happened with cam today.

the phone rang once, then twice, then belly answered.

"hi y/n! what's up?"

"i may need some girl advice bells."

"i'm sorry?" belly's instantly confused by y/n's words.

y/n groans, not knowing how to word her feelings, "can you just come over? it'll be easier to explain."

not even five minutes after hanging up, belly's knocking on the pale blue door of y/n's parent's beach house.

"cam cameron asked me on a date," y/n was quick to the point once the two girls got to her room.

belly squealed, before asking a million questions. y/n happily answered them all, knowing belly was truly excited for her.

y/n explained to belly that cam asked her right before she left to go home after her shift at the bakery. the sun was setting, and cam was worried he'd miss her if he didn't jog the second half of the route from his house towards the bakery. she found it cute as he seemed more nervous around her today than any other day last week.

cam took a deep breath before asking y/n if she wanted to go to the boardwalk with him. with a bright smile the girl agreed.

which leads to her predicament, of not knowing weather or not cam cameron meant it as a date or not.

"he asked you personally, so obviously it's a date y/n," belly was looking through y/n's closet as the ladder layed on her unmade bed.

"but what if he just sees it as two friends hanging out?" y/n rebuttals.

belly doesn't answer, but instead she comes out with a navy blue corset type of tank top, and grabs the pair of shorts she found in y/n's dresser moments ago.

she holds the articles of clothing together, "because how can he see you as a friend if he sees you in this!"

both girls fall into a fit of giggles before you eventually get ready. y/n still had thirty minutes or so until cam was picking her up, so belly insisted on helping with the rest of the look.

she kept her hair natural, from it already being styled for work earlier in the day. she threw all her jewelry back on, considering she can't wear any at work. y/n always wore two necklaces, five rings (three on her left hand, two on the right), and a handful of bracelets adorned both her wrists.

belly helped with her mascara and lip gloss.

with one last look in her mirror, y/n and belly both giggled as a knock echoed through the whole house.

cam cameron was never speechless, but when he saw y/n standing in front of him words weren't even a thought.

"hi cam," she giggles.

"hey- hey y/n, you look great."

belly not-so-subtley squeezes her way between y/n and the door, greeting cam before she ran back to her own house.

cam and y/n started walking towards the boardwalk. the sun was still in the phase of setting. hues of orange, yellow and pink filled the sky with a couple of clouds.

the walk to the boardwalk wasn't the shortest, but y/n loved the amount of time she's able to spend with cam. they didn't stop talking the whole way there.

cam observed the girl, and noticed the small wrinkles around y/n's eyes when she laughed. he saw her fiddle with the ring on her thumb when she listened to him talk. he loved how excited she got talking about all her favorite rides at the boardwalk.

y/n wasn't the observant type, but cam was the only exception. her heart sped up when his smile got bigger as he talked about marine biology. he loved everything about whales. she noticed during the week, when he got nervous he runs his hand through his hair. he does the same motion as the two finally walk into the buzzing atmosphere of the boardwalk.

"so, what do you want to do first?" cam politely asks.

y/n can't help but giggle again, before grabbing onto his hand, "i have an idea." she simply grabs cam's hand and pulls him towards one of the many games.

—

y/n never thought her favorite night of summer would be with a boy she just met this year.

her and cam played almost every game on the boardwalk. y/n won most of them, but when cam beat her at ring toss, he gave her the purple stuffed giraffe, which she didn't dare loosen her grip on it for the rest of the night.

after games, the two sat down on a bench to eat. y/n had a massive plate of chilli cheese fries while cam had funnel cake. y/n wasn't one to question his choice, as he explained he ate an early dinner before he picked her up.

after eating they went into the arcade for a little over an hour. they walked out and the sky was now dark, with a million stars reflecting off the ocean.

now y/n and cam were walking side by side at the other end of the boardwalk. they were near the railing, away from all the games and bright lights, making it more quiet.

"i had a lot of fun tonight cam," y/n's smile hasn't left her face all day, and doesn't falter when she thanks him.

"me too, i'm glad you were able to come."

for a few moments it was quiet between the two. their hands kept brushing into each other's. y/n could feel the warmth radiating off of his hand, she couldn't help but slowly interlock her pinky with his.

"do you mind if we sit?" y/n points to a bench maybe ten feet away, "all the walking is finally catching up to me."

of course cam says yes. they sit beside each other on the cold bench, with the purple giraffe sitting lopsided by y/n's feet.

"are you not cold?" cam asks, suddenly remembering y/n was outside in only a tank top and shorts.

y/n shakes her head, "no uh- not really. i like the cold."

cam tilts his head towards her, "you sure? cause i could easily go to the gift shop for you."

y/n giggles at how sweet cam is, "really, i'm okay cam."

"do you know what you're gonna name it?" cam gestures to the giraffe he won for her earlier in the evening.

y/n shrugs, "i haven't really thought about it yet," she picks up the giraffe and studies it, "what about muffin?"

cam lets out a chuckle, "it's perfect."

a cool ocean breeze blows through the boardwalk. once it reaches y/n and cam, the girl shivers and subconsciously moves closer to cam. his cheeks flush slightly at the contact of her thigh pressing against his, and her shoulder bumping against his own.

"you sure about you not being cold?" cam laughs.

"okay, maybe it's a little cold now," y/n laughs with him.

silently, cam holds his hand open. y/n takes it, and a warm electric feeling flows through her body. cam's hand was shockingly warm, which was a great contrast to y/n's cold skin.

—

sadly, the fun night cam had planned for the pair had to come to an end. their hands never left each other's grip as cam walked y/n back to her house. once again, the two talked the whole way back.

y/n sighed once they reached the cobblestone driveway of her house. cam walked her up the steps of her porch, now turning to the girl once they reached the door.

"thank you for today cam," y/n thanked him again.

"i'm glad you had a good time," cam smiled down at the girl.

y/n smiled before leaning up to kiss the boy's cheek. her lips lingered there for a moment. just as she was about to unlock the front door, cam's voice stopped her.

"you missed."

y/n's eyesbrows furrowed.

"you missed," cam repeated.

before y/n can respond, cam grabs her hand again to pull her in front of him. he smiles before pushing his lips softly against y/n's. the kiss lasts for a few seconds before the girl pulls away. her cheeks are pink and her cold skin is suddenly warm.

"i really like you y/n," cam's voice is quiet, afraid to break the moment the two just shared.

to respond, y/n leans up to kiss cam again. this time one of her hands goes to his cheek to make the kiss become deeper. cam smiles against her lips, as his hold on her waist never falters.

this was the first of many dates for cam and y/n, and she loved every single one of them.

[tlouadditc]

Hiii, first of all I love all your content. Could you pls make a one shot or a story about y/n as a cheerleader or something else and ellie as a football player in college? <3

touchdown.

college football!ellie x cheerleader!reader.

a/n: tysm for this req!! i had fun writing this even though i have no idea what goes on in sports (oops). keep that in mind so if i got something wrong, forgive me!! also ellie has the farm!ellie haircut because thats my fav ellie. anyway, enjoy <33

warnings: smut with plot, 18+ (MDNI), lowercase intended, a lil bit of fluff at the beginning [if u squint!], dirty talk (a lot of it.), daddy kink [oops!!], mean ellie, teasing, short nipple play [literally one line], ruined orgasm, no aftercare [eek.] NOT PROOFREAD LOL.

it's late august, the mild heat hitting your back as you walk to your dorms. the season officially starts in a couple of days- meaning the first football game is also gonna happen in a couple days- and you're the most worked up you've ever been. the break was nice; being able to see your family consistently for a couple months was much needed. but as you opened the door to your dorm, you realized you can't reminisce about the break. get ready for the next week.

as you begin to unpack your bags, you hear the door slightly open behind you. you smile, knowing who's there already. a familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist, pulling your hips back slightly. "she's baaaaack," ellie says quietly, kissing your neck gently as she rocks your hips side to side. you chuckle slightly, turning to look at your girlfriend. "missed you, babe," you say, fully embracing her in your arms. you feel her smile into your neck. pulling back, you give her a small peck on the cheek and admire her.

"new hair?" you question, noticing a small change; the length. she steps back, nodding. "you like it?" she says, still smiling. her auburn hair was cut right to her chin with a side part plastered into it. "i love it, actually," you declare, tucking some stray hairs back behind her pierced ears. "suits you."

she grins before sitting on your bed. "enough about my changes," she begins, "how was your break? you ready for another season of being my personal cheerleader?" you laugh, "babe, i have to cheer for everyone. but my break was good, i guess. was thinking of you the entire time."

"whaaaatever," she teases, rolling her eyes playfully. "i missed you more. almost went crazy without you." ellie was always super dramatic when it came to you; the entire break, she complained about how she was gonna die if she didn't see you in the next couple of hours. it's something you loved about her.

"oh, that reminds me," you suddenly utter, rushing to your closet to grab something. "we got new outfits!"

"oh, yeah?" ellie sat up on your bed, fully attentive to the outfit in question. "let me see it." you excitedly hold it up; a black mini pleated skirt with red glittery trim on the bottom. a matching cropped tank top came with it. it had your college's mascot plastered on the front with your last name on the back.

"wow," she clears her throat, eyes blown wide while eyeing it up and down. "i think you should t-try it on." you giggle and turn to go change.

after a couple minutes, you get it on. before you leave, you assess how it fits on you; your boobs are perfectly sitting inside the tank top, making your figure look sleek and classy. the skirt, however.. bend over and your ass is completely out. you stare at yourself, taking in everything. you snap out of your daze when you hear ellie knock on the door. "babe? you good in there?" she asks, a slight tone of concern being heard. without answering, you open the door to reveal yourself.

for a few seconds, she stands there, mouth open. no words. just admiring every part of you. she moves her hands to your sides, mouthing wow as her eyes travel up and down your body. "you like?" you ask, slightly smirking as you look into her eyes.

"god, i love it," she breathes, her eyes moving from your body up to your eyes. a hand goes to your skirt, lifting it up. "but this lil' skirt's gonna distract everyone, y'know that?"

before you can respond, someone bangs at the front door, causing you both to jump. "y/n!" they yelled, "practice is starting! hurry up!"

goddamnit, you think. you look at ellie with apologetic eyes, grabbing your stuff. almost as if she can read your mind, she goes to the door and yells, "i'll see you down there, babe. tell em' i'll be late!"

practice was boring. a lot of forced small-talk with your teammates about their break, the drills were actually ass, it was a bad start to the season. ellie, who was on the other side of the field you were practicing on, was eyeing you the entire time. the way your skirt went up and revealed your ass took away every ounce of attention that was meant for her sport.

you knew what you were doing. you felt her eyes on you the entire time. anytime you had a chance to tease her when nobody was looking, you'd flip your skirt up and play it off as you fixing your outfit.

after practice, you go back to your dorm and take a quick shower. as soon as you grab your towel, your phone vibrates.

ellie: open the door

you look at the text, confused. nonetheless, you walk to the door in your towel and look through the peephole. ellie's there, waiting impatiently. you unlock the door and twist the knob to open it.

as soon as you open it, ellie forces her way in. she pushes you onto your bed, turning back to close and lock the door. when she turns back to you, you see her dark expression. she's definitely frustrated, pissed even. before you can ask any questions, she simply states:

"you think you can tease me all day and get away with it?"

you're still confused, forgetting completely about practice. when it hits you, she has a slight smirk on her face. "yeah, you remember."

she gets on top of you, planting small, but passionate kisses from your cheeks down to your collarbone. "flipping up that small fucking skirt, thinking i wouldn't do anything to you," she mumbles, pulling down the top of your towel, exposing your breasts. she cups one in each hand, running her thumb over your nipple. "these pretty fuckin' tits," she continues, "bouncing every time you jump.. fuckin' driving me crazy, y'know?"

you whimper, getting wetter by the second. "oh, you want me to fuck you, huh?" she coos, moving down to your ear. "want me to fuck you dumb? make you cum all night?" all you can do is mumble small yes's, feeding into your submission. "oh, i know, baby."

she pulls the towel off of you, fully exposing your damp body. her hands roam from your sides down to your sopping wet cunt, earning a small gasp from you. "what? you want me to touch you here, doll?" she asks, slightly in a mocking tone. you nod feverishly, opening your legs a bit. the wetness coats your inner thighs, glistening in the light above you two.

"god, so wet just for me?" she asks, looking you in the eyes. her middle finger traces along your slit, collecting your slick on her finger. you whine, opening your legs wider so she can slip a finger in you.

"what do you want? hm?" she moves right in front of your face, keeping her middle finger at your entrance. "use your words, baby."

"p-please fuck me, ellie."

"that's not the name you use. you know that."

"fuck- please, i n-need it."

"what's my name?"

you hesitate before answering quietly, "daddy."

"that's right. good girl."

she slips her middle finger into you, earning a gasp from you as you clench around her finger. she moves it in and out as you try to gain any friction from her palm. you look so needly, so helpless in this state; it turns ellie on so much. she's just looking down at you, watching you get off like a fucking dog.

"fuck, you look so good like this baby," she whispers, teasing another finger at your entrance. you pathetically whimper and hold her arm with both hands. "you want another?"

the way she asks you is in a mocking way, making you feel dumb under her touch. but it feels to good to stop now. you nod, almost crying, chasing your orgasm.

"do you deserve it, baby?" she speaks, looking you directly in your eyes. "do you really? answer me."

she's slowing down. you beg and plead for her to keep going; all you can hear are your babbles, "pleasepleaseplease daddy, i need it, i'll be good i promise, im sorry"

"you should've thought about that before you teased me, slut."

she completely removes her fingers, making you whine in frustration. you're mad, but to be fair.. you brought it on yourself.

a/n: this took so long omg writers block is an ass. anyway. might make another part, i just need more ideas if i make another.

[omaano]

SW Hades AU May Status Update

I wanted to make a dedicated post about what I’m currently working on for the Star Wars meets Hades AU that looks more consistent than just sharing bits and pieces whenever I’m tagged in a Last Line Challenge. Because what else do I have but the poly sketch requests and this AU for my weekends? (If nothing else I know that the Hades AU has got me XD)

Other updates: June - July - August

For now Obi-Wan and Maul are stuck at the same stage: they are both lined, have their base colours down as well as the two adjustment layers of coloured lighting.

I suspect if I were ever to get through the agonozing few hours of shading Obi-wan’s face it would be mostly smooth sailing from there. The problem is that there are at least 2 - if not 3 - separate stages where the shaded face looks like I have no idea what I’m doing, and you need to get through the whole thing before it really comes together 😅 on the other hand Hades 2 has a lot of the directional shading I might need for his character art so that might help to get me there.

It also needs to be said that Obi-Wan comes with the extra disadvantage that is the entire background behind him. I’m really hyped to line it finally, it is quite a challenge, but at the same time I’m slowly coming to the realization that I have no idea how I will colour it. Hades backgrounds are so so pretty and full of details and gorgeous colours, and while I’m not delusional enough to think I could match that on first try… I still wish I could, you know? At the same time I will have to erase or recolour a lot of my lines, which will hurt quite a bit, I imagine. I’m so bad at killing my darlings 😅 also I hate laying down flat colours. I just find it very difficult to immerse myself in that process, while lining and shading can have their flow.

I had covered up so many lines and details in Maul’s spider parts it’s a miracle I didn’t cry XD However, tips on grouping my shadows and allowing the shape to speak for itself and the details in them are very helpful and on point.

Worrying over writing dialogue for them is also not as far down my to-do list as I wish it were. I have a good enough idea for a quip for Obi-wan, but Maul? He’d need a whole melodramatic rant of his own XD

Aphra has gotten some new lines and I had fixed the satchel I had forgotten the last time I shared the rough sketch for her, thanks to the new character art for Hades 2! Seeing Odysseus and Hermès’s updated looks were great helps here, so I might as well move on to lining her, and finally adding another female character to the roster on top of Ahsoka!

And then there is the biggest update on these little guys below! I will need to clean up the ones I had drawn for Cobb and Boba (and Din) well over a year ago, but with these my version of chtonic companions are done, and thanks to @lesquatrechevrons I have a full list of keepsakes for each character as well. I’m not very good at drawing these little tchotchkes (I say with Rex’s blaster right there LOL) but I hadn’t been very good at lineart or cell shading when I started this project either, so through forced practice I’m determined to change that :D

(It’s not a screwdriver under Boga, it’s one of Cody’s antennas. “It will grow back, don’t worry,” he says as he snaps it off his pauldron and hands it over to Din. Rex backs him up on that one without question. They can't lie for shit but trolling the shiny is their thing.)

Additional fun fact: the reason why I’d picked up the chtonic companions concepts was because I’d been poking at minor details in the background behind Maul (aside from the Chaos doors), and I started adding credits and recoloured nectar to the corner (before I realized that they wouldn’t be visible once the character interaction comes up oops), and I tried to figure out to whose keepsakes Maul would react favorably. I also mixed up companion dolls and keepsakes, so that’s why the Ahsoka doll came to being (I also forgot that that one belongs to Rex, and not Ahsoka herself but uh… they are close enough that they should count by proxy anyway. It’s not Obi-wan’s cup of tea and that should be enough!). Also bless @mapleowl18 for suggesting Lil Soka as companion for Rex ❤️

So this is the current state of this AU project right now. I have my lists and notes, a few scribbled pose ideas in my sketchbook for Sabine (she might be next, unless Bo and her Nite Owls make a comeback), Satine and Omega (with Batcher), as well as some angry scribbles and question marks for Quinlan (who has apparently made his way back into this AU even though he didn’t get a little icon of his own originally orz), and Obi-wan The Second that would stand with Cody post reunion, but I cannot make that one work for now 😅

[arimiadev]

How to Make a Visual Novel in a Weekend

(you can read this blog post on my website or down below)

Making a visual novel is already hard, so how do you make one in a game jam where you have a set deadline? Or worse, how do you make an entire visual novel in only a weekend? What about when you have to use certain themes in the game and can’t go fully freeform?

Game jams are such a great way to get started making visual novels—I first got my start with Ludum Dare 10 years ago, as of this August. They force you to downsize a lot, to focus on what matters and most importantly, have a tight deadline hanging over your head that you can’t push back. Some game jams, like my upcoming Otome & Josei Jams, allow users a much longer timeframe of 2 months and don’t restrict on themes. Others like Ludum Dare only give you a weekend (though there are other formats now) and require you to use a user-voted theme that’s only made public when the jam starts.

With the tight deadlines and possibility of restrictions, how do you make a visual novel that quickly? Is that even humanly possible??

First off, if you’re completely beginner to visual novels, check out my newbie guide on how to make visual novels which goes over the basics, terminology, engines, and more.

Earlier this month I entered Velox Formido, a visual novel jam inspired by Ludum Dare with a few tweaks:

Themes are still voted on but you have to incorporate at least 2 of the top 5 themes

The jam only lasts 36 hours from start to submission

Very, very tight! Still, I was able to squeak out a new game- Dahlia, a short story about being trapped with a cute (but possibly hungry) vampire. While you can read about my creative choices in my post-mortem for the game, today I want to talk about how you can recreate my process.

jam requirements

First off, you need to become familiar with the jam you’re entering. If you’re not entering a jam but rather just making a game in a weekend for fun, skip this.

You’ll want to have a clear idea of each of these parts…

rules

What rules does the jam have? Do they stipulate what kind of stories you can enter? For instance, most game jams that require the developers or a panel of judges to rate games (i.e. competitive jams) won’t allow 18+ content in the games.

engines

Similar to the rules, some game jams stipulate what engines you can use. Be sure to know this ahead of time. If a game jam doesn’t say there’s an engine requirement, however, you can usually use whatever you want.

themes

Will you be required to use certain themes or can you make a VN fully up to you? Sometimes themes feel too restrictive, while other times they help guide you to a more solid idea.

jump right in

Once the game jam starts, dive right in! …That is, if you have an idea of what to do.

ideas

Ideas are a dime a dozen—truly, it’s in the execution. Still, you need some kind of idea and you need it fast if you only have a weekend to finish the game.

After taking into consideration the rules and themes for the jam, I then start rapidly brainstorming ideas I would be okay working on. If one of the themes is forbidden romance, then what kind of couple would I want to write? What kind of story beats could I do with flower symbolism?

This stage needs to be quick. It’s okay to scrap ideas, but you need to stick to one and fast. For Velox Formido, I initially started writing one idea but scrapped it a couple hours later to begin the idea I ended up finishing.

Don’t be afraid to change your idea- but make sure the one you stick with is one you’re happy with!

work flow

How do you begin making a new game concept?

For me, I’m an artist, writer, and programmer, so I can make a game by myself. I’m fine with starting on writing or concept art first, it just depends on my mood. For this recent Velox Formido, I started on writing first, just going with the first ideas in my head. Other times, I start with concept art so I have a clearer idea of the characters as I’m writing.

There is no wrong way to start making a visual novel, except to not start at all!

If you feel like starting on an outline for the game, go for it. Want to dive into character art? Do it!

managing time

Having only a weekend to make a visual novel is just- well, it’s a weekend. It goes by so fast so you have to be aware of how long parts will take you. If you’ve never made a visual novel before, it’s even harder to gauge how quickly you can do things.

How long does it take you to draw a character sprite? How many characters will you have? How fast can you write 1k or 3k words? Will you have time to program the art and writing into the engine? What about music, GUI, sound effects?

scope

You need to keep the scope of the game small. Tiny. Even tinier than whatever you’re thinking.

Think of it in terms like this:

how many characters will I have?

will there be any choices?

what ending(s) will it have?

do I need to make a GUI?

speed

I know I can make art pretty quickly when I throw caution to the wind, but I still have to limit how much art I make. For instance, in Dahlia I wanted to draw CGs, but I ended up spending too much time on the writing and only started on the art 12 hours before the deadline. I was able to finish the 2 character sprites in just 2 hours, but then I had to grind to finish the programming.

In order to finish in time, my weekend long games are no more than 3 characters. 2 is the perfect amount, really. You can have a succinct, interesting story with just 2 characters in a room together and it leaves less artwork to worry about.

advice

Now that we’ve talked about different aspects of making a visual novel in just a weekend, I want to zone in on my process with advice.

focus on your idea

Follow the idea you have and really dig into it. Flesh it out as soon as you can so you have a solid idea of what the endpoint you’re headed towards looks like.

do things faster

I don’t outline for weekend jams. I outline for my normal visual novels, but not for weekend jams. There’s just not enough time aside from making a few bullet points and running with it.

Whatever speed you make things at, you have to make them even faster. That means less edits in your writing. Less rendering in your art. Less polish in your programming. There’s just not enough time for it all.

If you’re writing, focus on getting to 1 ending. Don’t worry about extra choices or nameable protagonists or extra side characters. If you’re drawing, you need to use an art style that’s easy to render. Don’t spend so much time on lineart and shading. If you’re programming, set up ways to make your setup faster. Define transforms, positions, and more that you can reuse multiple times and get in the habit of copy+paste.

reuse what you can

Like I said, don’t hesitate to reuse any snippets of programming that you can use multiple times. When I was drawing the character sprites in Dahlia, they both have the same base- this saved me maybe half an hour of redrawing parts that ultimately didn’t matter.

Be sure to check what you can and can’t reuse beforehand. For instance, a lot of jams require you to not start on the game beforehand, meaning you can’t use previously made assets unless they’re publicly available. Don’t slip up on this detail!

cut out even more

You probably think that your scope is doable in the time frame, but it most likely isn’t. Don’t be afraid to cut it down even more to save yourself time and headache. Ideally, you’ll want everything in the game finished before the final hour of the jam so you have time to playtest and ensure the game actually runs from start to finish (yeah, remember bug testing?).

use resources

Have in mind what parts of the game you’re not going to make. I’m not going to make music for a game jam (I’m not musically talented) and I don’t usually recruit others for weekend long jams. Instead, I use premade music that I’m able to put in my games legally.

Know where to find these kind of resources if you need art, music, GUIs, etc. before the jam starts. I have a growing list of visual novel development resources here.

focus on the MVP

Don’t get distracted by the things that don’t matter. Do you really need this extra character? A wardrobe change? An extra ending?

Focus on the core of your game. Why are you making it? What is the feeling you hope to give the player? What is the overall goal of the game?

With Dahlia, I wanted a somewhat whimsical and slightly tense story about a midnight intruder, how unnerving it would be to have a person invade your private space in the middle of the night but looking like a fancy doll.

How will you present your idea with such limited time?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Wow, April really went fast. Before I knew it was the end of the month- wasn’t it April Fools last week and I was rushing to draw our studio mascot genderbent? And now Otome & Josei Jam start in 24 hours…. There’s never enough time!!

Quick list of what I’ve got going on:

First, we just announced that the Battle Action Fantasy jam will be returning this June! Create a chuuni visual novel inspired by battle action manga you’d see in Shounen Jump. Second, I’ll be entering Otome Jam this year and returning to a directorial spot! More details on that later….

Third, it’s Kickstarter season. If you’re thinking about holding your own Kickstarter or want consultation on marketing for you visual novel studio, I’m still open for freelance.

— Arimia

[study-with-aura]

Wednesday, August 14, 2024

So much reading today! That is one thing about my curriculum that I love yet despise at the same time. It is heavily focused on reading and discussion of the reading. It also gives us questions that our readings don't always answer because we're supposed to research sources. I use Khan Academy for a lot of that to get more information, and usually, that gives me the answer I'm looking for.

But this is even more than 9th grade! I suppose that makes sense since it's now my second year in high school and more is expected at this grade level than before. But sometimes, my brain just wants the right answer to be in front of me and for there to be a right or wrong. But I know the way my curriculum works will prepare me better for university, at least according to my brother today when I was making faces at him because my eyes got tired. I have blue light glasses that I should wear more often, but sometimes, words start to blur either way.

However, I got everything done. I did decide to keep reading a fun book, so I am reading that during the long drive to dance since my brother, who is currently taking me, needs to focus on rush hour traffic anyway. People drive horrendously here!

Tasks Completed:

Algebra 2 - Reviewed linear inequalities

American Literature - copied vocabulary terms + read about the Puritans + read about William Bradford + watched video and read about the Mayflower Compact + read an article with excerpts from Bradford's "Of Plymouth Plantation" + took notes and answered questions + read about 7 critical reading strategies + read Chapters 5-6 of The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne + read chapter notes

Spanish 3 - Reviewed numbers 1-100 + completed number spelling practice

Bible 2 - Read 2 Samuel 4-5

Early American History - Read about commerce and technological factors that influenced more voyage into the New World + answered study guide questions + read second part of “Christopher Columbus: Extracts from Journal”

Earth Science with Lab - Read “How Old is the Earth?”

Music Appreciation - Watched a video about the violin + watched a video about the flute + copied major necessary terms from the A section of the music dictionary

Khan Academy - Completed US History Unit 1: Lesson 4 (parts 1-2)

Duolingo - Studied for approximately 30 minutes (Spanish + French + Chinese) + completed daily quests

Piano - Practiced for two hours in one hour split sessions

Reading - Read pages 1-30 of Stateless by Elizabeth Wein

Chores -  None today

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (1 Corinthians 9)

Ballet

Variations

Journal/Mindfulness

[antimony-medusa]

MCYT on Ao3 — October '23

The state of MCYT on Ao3, just for fun. Yes I do this every month, I like numbers. 

October is the month of Kinktober/Flufftober/Whumptober/Goretober, so potentially the numbers go WILD this time. Let's get into it.

The Cube SMP (8 works)

Slamacow Minecraft Animations (Web Series) (9 works)

iDots SMP (24 works)

30 Day SMP | Free Trial SMP (27 works)

Legacy SMP (28 works)

Cogchamp SMP (29 works)

Epic SMP (31 works)

Art of Survival SMP (32 works)

Dominion SMP (32 works)

Shady Oaks SMP (46 works)

X Life SMP (48 works)

100 Hours Hardcore SMP (54 works)

IvoryCello's Prison Escapes (Web Series) (55 works)

Bear SMP (59 works)

Kaboodle SMP (66 works)

SadSMP (68 works)

Area Unknown SMP (79 works)

Mer SMP (79 works)

Tortillaland SMP (116 works)

House Builder Gang SMP | HBG SMP (133 works)

New Life SMP (141 works)

Slimecicle Cinematic Universe (Web Series) (149 works)

Pirates SMP (150 works)

WitchCraft SMP (169 works)

Rats SMP (210 works)

SMPEarth (278 works)

SMPLive (288 works)

Outsiders SMP (345 works)

Mianite (Web Series) (366 works)

Afterlife SMP (386 works)

MindCrack RPF (499 works)

Evolution SMP (594 works)

Karmaland SMP (799 works)

Fable SMP (862 works)

Lifesteal SMP (1,308 works)

Origins SMP (1,511 works)

The Yogscast (3,197 works)

QSMP | Quackity SMP (4,703 works)

Empires SMP (5,873 works)

3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series (8,325 works)

Hermitcraft SMP (18,084 works)

Dream SMP (82,097 works)

Minecraft (Video Game) (109,017 works)

Video Blogging RPF (267,675 works)

Some notes:

No new tags this month! So, y'know, we'll have to be content with our 43 mcyt tags. Just that.

Fics are still primarily in english, but we have three exceptions with significant spanish fics. Karmaland (711 of 797, from 691 spanish fics last month), Tortillaland (111 of 116, from 108 spanish fics last month), and QSMP (527 of 4,689, from 466 spanish fics last month). QSMP also shows 244 fics in brazilian portugese, from 175 last month, and 26 in french, from 19 last month.

In the small and micro fandoms, the standout was definiately Pirates SMP, which since being canonized last month has increased by 45 fics. Just by sheer volume of growth versus fandom, mention must be made of idots, which went up by 10 fics from a baseline of 16 last month. Given that the most recent post in the tag was in july, that had to have meant something got wrangled into the tag, or else someone was backdating like CRAZY.

In the midsize fandoms, the standout is, as ever, Fable SMP, with an increase of 95 fics. I think we're starting to get into the whumptober type numbers now, because they were the midsize standout last month with an increase of 33 fics, so that's an increase of almost 200%. Evolution SMP also went up by 49 fics, in contrast to last month's 24.

For the larger fandoms, there were spikes in every fandom, but the big spike I was expecting for whumptober did not really materialize in each fandom. Empires saw an increase of 240 in contrast to 154, but that didn't beat the previous month's 244. However, 3rd Life went up by 463, beating the past three months of numbers as the highest month in that stretch was 395 in August, and last month was only 340. Hermitcraft also beat the last three months, as it went up by 714, and the previous months were 453, 569, and 501, respectively. QSMP went up by 861, beating last month's 725, but, interestingly, exactly matching August's 861. DSMP continues to be the fandom no one can beat for pure volume, as it went up by 1,445, which did beat September's 1,171, but did not exceed August's 1,459. Last year the DSMP jump between October and November was over 7k fics, which at the time I attributed to whumptober, but now is looking more like something getting wrangled into the tag. Not everybody is whumping their guys, I guess.

Detailed breakdown of increases under the cut.

The Cube SMP (8 works, 8 last month, 0-fic increase)

Slamacow Minecraft Animations (Web Series) (9 works, 8 last month, 1-fic increase)

iDots SMP (24 works, 14 last month, 10-fic increase)

30 Day SMP | Free Trial SMP (27 works, 27 last month, 0-fic increase)

Legacy SMP (28 works, 28 last month, 0-fic increase)

Cogchamp SMP (29 works, 29 last month, 0-fic increase)

Epic SMP (31 works, 31 last month, 0-fic increase)

Art of Survival SMP (32 works, 32 last month, 0-fic increase)

Dominion SMP (32 works, 32 last month, 0-fic increase)

Shady Oaks SMP (46 works, 45 last month, 1-fic increase)

X Life SMP (48 works, 46 last month, 2-fic increase)

100 Hours Hardcore SMP (54 works, 54 last month, 0-fic increase)

IvoryCello's Prison Escapes (Web Series) (55 works, 53 last month, 2-fic increase)

Bear SMP (59 works, 58 last month, 1-fic increase)

Kaboodle SMP (66 works, 56 last month, 10-fic increase)

SadSMP (68 works, 68 last month, 0-fic increase)

Area Unknown SMP (79 works, 72 last month, 7-fic increase)

Mer SMP (79 works, 74 last month, 5-fic increase)

Tortillaland SMP (116 works, 113 last month, 3-fic increase)

House Builder Gang SMP | HBG SMP (133 works, 134 last month, 1-fic decrease)

New Life SMP (141 works, 127 last month, 14-fic increase)

Slimecicle Cinematic Universe (Web Series) (149 works, 138 last month, 11-fic increase)

Pirates SMP (150 works, 105 last month, 45-fic increase)

WitchCraft SMP (169 works, 164 last month, 5-fic increase)

Rats SMP (210 works, 208 last month, 2-fic increase)

SMPEarth (278 works, 273 last month, 5-fic increase)

SMPLive (288 works, 283 last month, 5-fic increase)

Outsiders SMP (345 works, 314 last month, 31-fic increase)

Mianite (Web Series) (366 works, 363 last month, 3-fic increase)

Afterlife SMP (386 works, 382 last month, 4-fic increase)

MindCrack RPF (499 works, 493 last month, 6-fic increase)

Evolution SMP (594 works, 545 last month, 49-fic increase)

Karmaland SMP (799 works, 777 last month, 22-fic increase)

Fable SMP (862 works, 767 last month, 95-fic increase)

Lifesteal SMP (1,308 works, 1,220 last month, 88-fic increase)

Origins SMP (1,511 works, 1,478 last month, 33-fic increase)

The Yogscast (3,197 works, was not tracking last month)

QSMP | Quackity SMP (4,703 works, 3,842 last month, 861-fic increase)

Empires SMP (5,873 works, 5,633 last month, 240-fic increase)

3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series (8,325 works, 7,862 last month, 463-fic increase)

Hermitcraft SMP (18,084 works, 17,370 last month, 714-fic increase)

Dream SMP (82,097 works, 80,652 last month, 1,445-fic increase)

Minecraft (Video Game) (109,017 works, 108,355 last month, 662-fic increase)

Video Blogging RPF (267,675 works, 262,973 last month, 4,702-fic increase)

[jheseltheunswerving]

Bill Cipher is an Icarus

Originally posted on the Gravity Falls Amino in August, 2019.

In Greek mythology, Icarus was the son of Daedalus who was ordered by King Minos to build a structure that could contain a creature called the Minotaur. Rather than building a prison, Daedalus constructed a labyrinth so complex that anyone who entered could never find their way back out. 

Wanting to keep the Minotaur a secret, King Minos locked away Daedalus and his family, including Icarus. 

But Daedalus was clever. He built two pairs of wings out of wax and feathers. One for him and one for Icarus. Once the time came to make the attempt to escape, Daedalus warned Icarus not to fly too close to the sun or the wax in his wings would melt. With that, the two started flying toward freedom.

Caught up in the sensation of flight, Icarus forgot his father’s warnings. He went higher and higher, seizing as much of that freedom as he could. He didn’t even notice the wax holding his wings together was melting. Suddenly, the feathers became too loose, and Icarus fell to his death in the sea. 

The story of Icarus is referenced to a couple times in Journal 3 by Ford. The first time he’s talking about how jealous he is of his “Muse” (Bill Cipher) for being free from all physical limitations. If a person spends eight hours of every day asleep, then they would be wasting about ⅓ of their life. While working on the portal, Fiddleford was the first to give into fatigue, and warned Ford not to stay up too late:

“‘Don’t forget what happened to Icarus,’ he told me as he packed up his things and left.

‘He didn’t flap hard enough,’ I replied.”

When Ford finds out what Bill was really planning, he admits Fiddleford was right. 

“If only Icarus could see me now.” Ford’s confession that he has flown too close to the sun, a consequence that almost resulted in his and the world’s undoing. 

But we know how that story ended, and it wasn’t just Ford’s wings that burned. The moral of Icarus’s story is to never forget your limitations. This is why I argue that the other Icarus in “Gravity Falls” is Bill Cipher.

Over the course of his story, Bill had one goal: to be free from all limitations. How this ambition developed doesn’t matter. What’s important to understand is that Bill’s ultimate goal was to be free from laws and restrictions, and that is why he burned his dimension.

Oh, and for some reason there is still some question if Bill burned his dimension. Let me clear that up. 

It’s in the Axolotl’s poem 

It’s in the journal

He admits to it

I hope that cleared up any doubts anyone may still have had.

However, burning his dimension didn’t give Bill the freedom he was after. After the fact, he was trapped in the Nightmare Realm for one trillion years, only able to interact with the physical world by means of possession or through the mindscape. That’s a pretty big limitation. That’s why whenever he came close to overcoming that barrier, and failed, he got visibly frustrated and angry. 

Absolute freedom is what Bill preached to justify what he was doing. It was his way of convincing himself that what he was doing, however messed up, wasn’t wrong. Why does he need to convince himself? Because freedom, the one thing he’s after, is the one thing he can never truly have. 

The Axolotl’s poem, as I showed you before, gives hints to Bill’s possible return. It’s not a particularly new discovery. Most everyone knows this by now, but for the sake of completion, let me recite those hints one more time:

“If he wants to shirk the blame, he’ll have to invoke (the Axolotl’s) name

One way to absolve his crime. A different form, a different time.”

Basically, if Bill wants to further avoid punishment for the arson, he can invoke the Axolotl. But this proves something about Bill. He’ll never be truly free from the responsibility of burning his dimension. He knows this, and it enrages him. 

I mean, how infuriating it must be that the one limitation he can never be free from is the one he imposed on himself. And it’s almost poetic that his downfall happened in a blue fire, similar to his blue fire that he ignites when he makes a deal. Almost like the deal he made with Stan was the moment he flew too close to the sun. 

Since the show ended, there has been a debate whether Bill is evil or tragic. This is my way of arguing both. The truth is, I don’t think there is an evil character who isn’t tragic. Anyone who believes that instigating fear and chaos is the right thing to do must have gone through a lot of pain themselves. That doesn’t make it okay. But it is tragic. 

I think what makes an Icarus is when a person gets too cocky and too comfortable, and they start to think they’re invincible. That’s when they fly too close to the sun. But I don’t think the moral of the story should be “remember your limitations”. I think it should be, “stay grounded”. Don’t be afraid to take risks, just remember that they’re risks. And be prepared that you might fall. 

2024 Review: This is the second of two posts from Amino I'm posting on this blog. I will be creating one more, original post that briefly summarizes my opinion on Bill as of today, which I will later reblog after The Book of Bill comes out.

[echotoyou]

Serendipity: Jimin

Part of the I miss you Collection

pairing: best friend!park jimin x gn!reader

what's inside: work is overwhelming and you decide to get dinner with your long term friend park jimin. unfortunately for you both when he arrives to pick you up you are still working (and you may look like shit)

warnings: curse words, hugs, therapy breathing exercises, a bit of a breakdown, jimin is SUPER good at hugging

word count: 1564

a/n: this one kept wanting more words and Jimin would NOT let me go. I hope this helps anyone experiencing a tough start to your week! you got this and I believe in you :) so incredibly grateful for a beta read by @theharrowing!!! thank you for helping me improve my writing 🥹💛🪿 graphics with gratitude from @strangergraphics!

posted august 2024 (also on ao3)

“Hey, I’m here, are you ready for… wait are you still working?”

A voice floats in and out of the haze surrounding your work-addled brain. Specific words slam  into the front of your skull while others fade to the background. Somewhere in your subconscious it registers that you do, in fact, enjoy the company of the owner of the voice, however, it still takes a gentle touch on your shoulder to drag your attention away from your computer screen.

“Hello, earth to the workaholic, there will STILL be emails on MONDAY— oh wow, you look like shit.” 

Suddenly accompanied by a face, you clock the pink and cream stripes of a sweater, a mop of dirty blonde hair, and more than a little sass in the eyes of your upstairs neighbor Park Jimin. He had quickly become a permanent fixture in your life when you realized you both worked at the same office, and who you had definitely agreed to do dinner with tonight. Shit.

When Jimin first started at your office, you alternated following each other home for about three weeks before putting two and two together that it was not, in fact, stalking, and you lived in the same six story apartment building within walking distance from your office. After your joint awkward realization, the two of you began to walk to work together in the mornings and evenings, taking the bus whenever it was too cold or if either of you were running late. 

Sometimes when you had to go extra early into the office, he would stop by when he arrived to bring you your favorite sweet coffee or a pastry. You exchanged keys on your third friendaversary and often would show up unannounced in each other's apartments to make dinner and relax. He loved spending time with your cat almost more than you did, and you adored that his kitchen was always incredibly well-stocked with ingredients and equipment. 

As both of your careers developed, you ended up switching to a different team and he got promoted, causing you to suddenly spend less time together at work. You still managed to walk together to work most days, but you started staying later and later in the office, your job requirements seeming to skyrocket every week with no ceiling in sight. To add insult to injury, you were also having trouble adjusting to your new team, and no matter how many times you reaffirm your interest and desire in the work, it still feels unmanageable and overwhelming.

This Friday you had closed your laptop at the end of the work day with a snap, determined to walk home with Jimin and enjoy your night to the fullest. He looked up with surprise in his eyes when you arrived in his office and quickly broke out into the biggest smile you had seen in a while. He packed his things and you both took advantage of the daylight hours getting longer again, walking back to your apartment building in the glow of a delightful orange sky getting more purple by the minute as the sun snuck below the horizon. It was finally spring.

In the elevator, you agreed to meet up for a dinner out, both wanting to celebrate your first free night in a while. Unfortunately, as soon as you clicked the lock on your front door, a ping sounded from your phone. Your company had “encouraged” all employees to download a communication platform onto your personal devices, and that ping meant your supervisor had just tagged you in an assignment due Monday morning. Kicking off your work shoes, you sighed. You pulled out your computer, and opened up the message to see what needed to get done, promising yourself that you’d look for two minutes before hopping in the shower to get ready for your dinner.

Apparently that quick two minutes had not been two minutes if the expression on Jimin’s face meant anything. Your eyes, already red from a week with little sleep and long hours looking at your computer, redden and fill with tears as you meet his searching gaze. 

“Oh OH hey hey I’m sorry – I didn’t mean you look like shit like shit, uh, I meant ‘you look like shit’ like, the! shit! You look cute?” rambling, his fingers reach under your eyes, brushing away the tears that are starting to fall. 

“Ah shoot,” he murmurs, “Can I hug you?” You nod a slight yes and he quickly leans down to wrap his arms around your shoulders.

His arms feel warm and secure as he holds you and holds you and holds you. You squeeze him twice to signal that it’s okay, you’re okay, and he can pull away now. Rather, he somehow pulls you even closer. You feel the pent up exhaustion and stress bubble into tears which start flowing down your cheeks. The dampness transfers onto his lovely knit sweater that you vaguely recognize as the one you gifted him for the holidays last year.​​ 

You nestle your face deeper in the comforting softness and breathe in the scent that you know by now just as well as the homemade apple pie that filled your family house as a child. Warm, sweet, safe. 

Your arms tighten their grip as you let the recent endless days of late nights and early mornings wash over you. Your slow stream of tears quickens, your mind racing at the missed deadlines, the projects that are too big for your three-person team, and the always urgent after hours emails. You gasp for breath and open your mouth against his sweater in a not-so-silent silent scream. All throughout, he stays right where he started, supporting your lower back with one arm and head with the other, cupping the nape of your neck, his thumbs gently moving up and down in a soothing rhythm.  

Your open mouthed scream turns to full body sobs, shaking you from tip to toe as you cling onto Jimin for dear life. Your head begins to buzz with dehydration as your tears slow their fall, but the pain of the last few months continues to circle in your brain.

Desperate to stay in the moment, you concentrate on the places where you feel Jimin’s fingers on your skin, the light woody scent of his cologne that you helped him pick out, and the feeling of his chest moving… a little unnaturally under you? Your brain hyper focuses on the rise and fall of his chest under your cheek. He takes a deep inhale, holds the breath and then releases it in a long, slow exhale. The third time he does it, you count the beats between each breath and recognize it as something you learned in therapy. After a few more cycles, you join in. 

Inhale

Hold, 2, 3

Release, 2, 3, 4, 5. 

Inhale

Hold, 2, 3

Release, 2, 3, 4, 5. 

Your breathing begins to even and the buzz in your head manages to give you a brief respite. You pull your head from where it was buried in his armpit and rest your chin on his chest, looking up at the man. 

Jimin’s eyes meet yours and you can see tears swimming in his own. You exchange watery smiles and he breaks the silence. 

“Hi there,” his voice sounds uncertain but is accompanied by a small, sad smile pulled against his features. 

“Hi back at you,” your voice is rough with disuse and you almost laugh at the absurdity of how much it sounds like a garbage disposal. 

He smiles more fully this time and squeezes you for a second before releasing his side of the hug. He still keeps his arms around you in case you need more, but you do the same, squeeze tight once and then fully relax.

You feel him searching your eyes for information and open your mouth to respond before —

*ping*

You hear Jimin huff and you twist in his arms, turning in your chair to look at the screen. Moving to behind your chair, he drapes his arms over your chest and places his head on top of yours. 

“What on earth could be important at 7:30pm on a Friday night?” he complains, and huh. He’s right. You agree with him. The work will still be there at 8am on Monday when you arrive in the office and you are not obligated to give your precious free time away (unless, of course, you get paid overtime, which does not seem to exist in your industry). 

You take a deep breath, steadied by the warmth of Jimin’s arms that are still wrapped around your chest, and close your laptop. You tilt your head back, giving the man above you a soft smile and an embarrassingly bad wink before replying.

“Nothing as important as dinner with you.”

“Wow,” he extends the word as a smile creeps onto his face. “That was so incredibly cheesy. It’s a good thing I think you’re funny.” 

He pulls you out of your chair and gently pushes you toward your bedroom.

“Now please go shower so we can get going! I didn’t put on my favorite sweater to sit inside tonight!” 

You still feel a bit raw from your earlier outburst, but also somehow a little better. A tiny grin makes its way onto your face as you turn for the bathroom.

[omegaremix]

Record Store Victory Tour, 2018.

Having three shoulder operations to beat cancer has been the ultimate life victory thus far. It was the most amazing and largest outpouring of support ever. Friends, family, allies, co-workers in good-standing, and even names whom I haven’t seen or heard from in years came to congratulate me and wish me onto a speedy recovery. I don’t know if nine months is what you call “speedy”. Nine months of shoulder replacements, ten weeks of in-home nurse visits, a MRSA infection, six weeks of in-home intravenous antibiotics, and missing two label showcases were balanced out with staying up until 4AM every morning finding endless music (Negril, Robert Ashley, and Steve Khan to name a few), daily postings, heavy amounts of sleep, and Dad’s daily deliveries of free food full of steak, sushi, pizza, chicken, egg rolls, and pasta. With a nine-month blackout period of not leaving the house ever, you had to make the best of it. I knew that after this I would never ever answer to any random nobody about my shoulder. And looking back at it, I say to myself as to why I even let it go so far.

Working for a great company and playing your cards right, you could sit and collect benefits while staying at home doing almost next to nothing. I now had more money in the bank when I last left work. So I promised myself that after I fully recover, I’d treat myself like I never had before. I decided that I would go on a record-store victory tour. I would hit up each and every independent record place, go crazy, and buy up everything I can. After nine months of being bed-ridden and staying home, I needed to treat myself with retail therapy. I needed to get out there and be myself again. Of all I been through and endured, I deserved it.

I didn’t immediately do it, however. It took me a few months to earn back the $2,000 I lost in savings when the benefits ended. While that happened, I enjoyed hot August days walking from my house to the veteran’s park and back, witnessed my ex- Yenny get married, attended Hospital Productions’ 20th Anniversary showcase (a day I will never forget), had a night out in my neighborhood Dave & Busters with my co-workers, and started getting in touch with a Brooklyn witch. I made two label orders with Italians Do It Better and RRRecords which help things get started. As you see, it only got better.

February came and we got a surprise $1,000 from our company. Tax refunds and a third paycheck of the month sealed the deal and all systems go. My first stop was at Patchogue’s Record Stop, their new location since moving from their Shirley warehouse, and thumbed through whatever old-school hip-hop, 12” singles, and other small easy victories I could find. It wasn’t until places like West Sayville’s Vinyl Paradise was when spending three hours minimum searching in stores and $200.00 a visit on music was normal. I can also count West Babylon’s Looney Tunes, Mineola’s Mr. Cheapo’s, and Amityville’s High Fidelity who could’ve matched the totals I had from that store. It’s all about finding the most for less. Whether it’s Seventies’ jazz / fusion on vinyl, discount 12” singles, used CDs, dollar hardcore / punk 45’s, or other long-awaited finds, amassing history and style points is the most self-serving and exciting hunt I take part of. Other stores such as Northport’s Record Reserve, Massapequa’s Infinity Records, Riverhead’s Sunday Records, and Rosie’s Vintage (the smallest of them all) allowed for tidier spaces and friendlier prices for me to walk out with, with smaller receipts ranging from a mere $30.00 to $100.00.

Of course, with many victories come disappointments. Plainview just opened a new store called Vinyl Bay 777. It’s one of the cleanest and shiniest stores on the island, but also the most expensive. With a penchant for ambition and grading, their selections are anywhere from three to five times the price of what you’d find in others store. It was the only experience of the tour that I left feeling poor and let down. The other disappointment? Innersleeve Records all the way at the East End / Amangansett. Why? I’m disappointed that I wasn’t able to go.

And almost every store have their own legacy. Record Stop’s been around since 1974 starting in Ronkonkoma, then shuffling to a warehouse in Shirley before finally settling in Patchogue. The family-owned and highly-awarded Looney Tunes had survived a summer fire and took them 90 days to rebuild. This year they’ll celebrate their 50th anniversary. Mr Cheapo’s has two locations, the only store on the island to do so. High Fidelity moved to larger and cleaner digs which solved their storage issues. Record Reserve just moved again; their fourth time in ten years of operation. Infinity Records was the only store on the ropes during the pandemic relying on crowd-funding to make up for the rent. Rosie’s Vintage isn’t owned by Rosie. In fact, Rosie doesn’t exist. It’s a rockabilly wife named Thea who owns an antique store. And you can’t get any literal than Sunday Records, which is only open on Sundays. It’s the only store I know who classified their records not on genre but radio stations and chart positions.

The entire experience was great and I looked to do it again the year after. Unfortunately, I had lots of traffic tickets, fees, and violations to pay. With a vehicle in disrepair and an expired inspection, driving out in daylight without the police spotting me was not ideal. Then I looked to do it last year, and we all know what happened. The pandemic paralyzed and killed businesses left and right. With immediate closures and stop of life, everyone stayed home for their lives.

Next time, it’s going down.

Essential money was saved all throughout the pandemic. Two stimulus checks later, a third on the way, tax refunds, a third bi-weekly check in April, and a bank transfer means I’m ready to do it all over again. In fact, it’s already started! Rough Trade announced it’s relocating from its’ Williamsburg spot. With 25% off books, merchandise, and CDs, it was an incentive to get to it. With me waiting forever to go, now was the chance. I found the perfect March Wednesday to do it and I finally made it happen. What you’ll read later on became the most expensive purchase I ever made at a record store, and also the greatest.

Most locations (except Vinyl Bay 777, replaced by any given one New York City store) are on the list for the next record-store tour. I healed mostly from last summer’s depression and I had a trouble-free winter. With a day out at Williamsburg’s Rough Trade, the spring euphoria and hope came back like it did the first time around. With money in the bank, vaccines, and everything coming back into play, it’s time to have fun again like I want to.

For those who can’t be harassed by looking up our series and reading our visits one-by-one, here’s the final results of 2018’s tour:

Record Stop:

Sugarhill Gang “The Lover In You” 12”

Grover Washington Jr. Mister Magic

Carmen McRae In Person

U.T.F.O. “Roxanne, Roxanne” 12”

Ahmad “Back In The Day” 12”

DJ Yella “4 Tha E” 12”

L.A. Style “James Brown Is Dead” 12”

Knucklehedz “Hed Rush” 12”

Flatlinerz “Live Evil” 12”

Blondie “Rapture” 7”

Chemical Brothers Come With Us

Royal Trux Thank You

Delerium ft. Sarah McLachlan & DJ Tiesto “Silence”

Prime Minister Pete Nice & Daddy Rich “Rap Prime Minister & Daddy Rich (Rat Bastard)” 12”

Vinyl Paradise:

Laura Nyro Christmas And The Beads Of Sweat

Genesis Invisible Touch

Clash, The Black Market Clash 10″

Delegation The Promise Of Love

Herbie Hancock “Rockit”

B-52’s, The Wild Planet

Blondie Parallel Lines

Spyro Gyra Catching The Sun

Brecker Bros. self-titled

Herb Alpert Rise

Heart Dreamboat Annie

Tom Scott Blow It Out

Pat Metheny American Garage

Martha Velez Escape From Babylon

Stanley Turrentine Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

Bob James & Earl Klugh One On One

Sister Sledge All-American Girls

Black Moon “Who Got The Props?” b/w “Fuck It Up”

Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock “It Takes Two”

Shannon Let The Music Play

Jellybean “Wotupski?”

Fu-Schnickens “Sum Dum Monkey” b/w “Visions (20/20)”

Tortoise & Autechre “Adverse Camber” b/w “To Day Retrieval”

Shirts, The Inner Sleeve

Freedom U.S.A. Hardcore

Coke Bust Confined

Ressurection I Am Not: The Discography

Spit It Out self-titled

Vice Flawed

Terror The Walls Will Fall

This Is Hell Bastards Still Remain 

Subterfuge Fight Back 

Bikini Kill self-titled single red 7″

Hangman A Vile Decree 

Dead Kennedys “Nazi Punks Fuck Off!” (with lyric bag and armbands)

Until Your Heart Stops We Are Not Coming Down

Corrective Measure self-titled

Soft Cell “Tainted Love”

Kraftwerk “Pocket Calculator” b/w “Dentaku” clear yellow 7”

Six Weeks label America In Decline CD

Tear It Up The December 2000 Sessions CD

Dee Cracks “Be My Valentine” red heart-shaped flexi

This Means War “Use It Up” flexi

Broadcaster b/w Aspiga (Secret Audio Club Wax Pack)

Marathon b/w Fire When Ready(Secret Audio Club Wax Pack)

Looney Tunes:

Up In Arms / Eternal Youth split 7”

Defiant Trespass / Cold Like December split 7”

Make Or Break Down For Life! 7”

Arcadius / 7654 Stories split 7”

Pissed Jeans demo 7”

Search Bloc Life, By The Code 7”

Proud Youth Nothing’s Changed 7”

UN Bodies Unremarkably Mortal 7”

Force Of Change The Bond We Share 7”

Self Defense Family “Indoor Wind Chimes” b/w “Cottaging”

Tolerate self-titled 7”

Joe South & The Believers “Walk A Mile In My Shoes” b/w “Trespass”

Bread And Water / Reason Of Insanity split 7”

Stigmata There Is No Mercy Here 7”

Degenerats, The 7”

Monster X 1993 demo 7”

Last Dead Word 7”

Let It Burn From Jersey With Love 7”

Slak Another Disaster 7”

Eurythmics “Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These” 7”

Toni Basil “Mickey” 7”

Squeeze “853-5937″ 7”

Nena “99 Luftballons” 12”

Staple Singers City In The Sky

Unsung Heroes “What Would You Do?” 12”

White Mystery self-titled

D.S. 13 Vad Vet Vi Om Kriget?

Killing Joke Brighter Than A Thousand Suns

Marc Hurtado & Vomir 2011 / Sang+

Razed In Black Shrieks, Laments, And Anguished Cries

No Future Plan Of Attack

Die Krupps & Front Line Assembly Remix Wars

Maldoror She

Self Defense Family Heaven Is Earth cassette

Unholy Archangel The Wrath Of Kosmostistis cassette

Tod Hate Campiagn, Hymn To The Death cassette

Krieg Blue Miasma cassette

Hekseri The Atrocity (Early Demos) cassette

Crebain Under Black Wigs Of Night cassette

Riddle Of Meander End Of All Life And Creation cassette

Black Flame Torment And Glory cassette

Xasthur self-titled cassette

Krieg Songs For Resistance cassette

Striborg A Procession Of Lost Souls cassette

Tod Black Metal Manifesto cassette

Cheapo's (Commack):

Blackbyrds, The Action

Deodato 2

Jon Lucien The Best Of…

Bob James 2

Hubert LawsRomeo & Juliet

Deodato Love Island

Rolling Stones Undercover (stickered)

Bob James 3

Deodato Whirlwinds

George Benson White Rabbit

Bob James 4

Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth Mecca & The Soul Brother

Jedi Mind Tricks Legacy Of Blood

Naughty By Nature self-titled

M.I.A. Arular

P.O.S. Never Better special edition disc

Unseen, The Explode

Richard Hell & The Voidoids Blank Generation

M.I.A. Kala

All Dogs 7”

Last Shop Standing DVD

Katt Williams The Pimp Chronicles Vol. 1 DVD

Jerky Boys, The Stop Staring At Me cassette

Paula AbdulForever Your Girl cassette

Record Reserve:

Cars, The Shake It Up

Rolling Stones, The Some Girls (cut-out)

Peter Gabriel Melt

Weather Report Heavy Weather

A Clockwork Orange motion picture soundtrack

Genesis Abacab

Laura Nyro self-titled

Stranglers, The IV

Samantha Fox I Wanna Have Some Fun

Spyro Gyra self-titled

Cars, The Candy-O

Peter Gabriel Scratch

Debbie Gibson Out Of The Blue

Spent Idols “Chinese Suicide” b/w “Gacy’s Gone” 7″

Out Cider D.C. label Raise The Flag: DC Hardcore Vol. 1 7″

High Fidelity:

Prurient & Kevin Drumm  All Are Guests In The House Of The Lord

KMD  Mr. Hood

Sonic Youth   Evol

Algiers  self-titled

ESG  A South Bronx Story deluxe disc

No Age   Nouns

Greymachine Disconnected

Killing Joke   Hosannas From The Basements Of Hell

Television   Marquee Moon expanded disc

Esther Phillips  Capricorn Princess

Severed Heads  Cuisine With Piscatorial

Elastica  self-titled

Sonic Youth & Mats Gustavsson & Merzbow  SYR8

Killing Joke  Pandemonium

Eric Gale  Multiplication

Front Line Assembly  Echoes

Wavves  King Of The Beach

Strawberry Switchblade  Since Yesterday 12”

Bjork   Telegraph

Public Image Ltd.  Second Edition

Esther Phillips  Performance

Hatebreed  The Rise Of Brutality

Killing Joke  Night Time

Wilbert Longmire  Champagne

Grover Washington, Jr.  A Secret Place

Young Black Teenagers  “Tap The Bottle” 12”

Sagat  “Funk Dat” 12”

Crash Crew   “Breaking Bells (Take Me To The Mardi Gras)” 12”

Prurient   Pleasure Ground

Victory Records  Victory Style II

Esther Phillips & Joe Beck  For All We Know

Sonic Youth  Confusion Is Sex + Kill Your Idols

Swell Maps  A Trip To Marineville

Severed Heads   Rotund For Success

Whodini  Escape

Killing Joke   Revelations

Stop The Violence Movement, The  “Self-Destruction” 12”

Eric Gale  Part Of You

Professionals, The   “The Magnificent” 7”

Guyana Punch Line  self-titled 7”

Heart   self-titled cassette

Infinity Records:

Self Defense Family “Self Immolation Family” b/w “World Virgins” 7”

Peter Gabriel Security

Mantronix The Album

Eric Gale Forecast

Arsonists As The World Burns

Beat Street motion picture soundtrack

Kool & The GangLight Of Worlds

Dire Straits Making Movies

Shirts, The Street Light Shine

Belinda Carlisle Belinda

Makers, The Rock Star God

Bug, The Infected

Peter Gabriel Car

Filter Short Bus

Warzone Fight for Justice

Mood Doom

Jane’s Addiction Nothing’s Shocking

Depeche Mode Ultra

Curve Cuckoo

Rosie's Vintage:

Genesis Abacab

Nice & Wild “Diamond Girl” 12″

Shabba Ranks “Mr. Loverman” 12″

Dire Straits self-titled

Mad Skillz “Nod Factor” 12“

Boogiemonsters “Recognized Thresholds Of Negative Stress 12″

Blahzay Blahzay “Danger!” 12″

Harold Faltermeyer “Axel F” 12“

Spyro Gyra self-titled

Malcomb McLaren & The World Famous Supreme Team “Buffalo Gals” 12″

Sunday Records:

Cabaret Voltaire  The Arm Of The Lord

Nitzer Ebb As Is

Strawberry Switchblade  Who Knows What Love Is?

Steve Jones  Mercy

Patti Smith  Easter

Ramsey Lewis  Tequila Mockingbird

Doors, The  Greatest Hits

Cabaret Voltaire  Drinking Gasoline

Utah Saints “Something Good”

Image In Vogue self-titled EP

Steely Dan  Pretzel Logic

No Age  Losing Feeling

Dead Or Alive “Brand New Lover”

Cabaret Voltaire  The Drain Train

Public Image Ltd. “Home”

Gary Numan “Cars” / “Metal”

Malcomb McLaren “Soweto” b/w “Zulu’s On A Time Bomb”

J. Geils Band “Centerfold” b/w “Rage In The Cage”

Fad Gadget “One Man’s Meat” b/w “Sleep”

Tony Basil “Mickey” b/w “Hangin’ Around”

Stray Cats “(She’s) Sexy + 17” b/w “Lookin’ Better Every Beer”

Madness “Our House” b/w “Cardiac Arrest”

Todd Rundgren “Hello It’s Me” b/w “Cold Morning Light”

No Age  Eraser 7”

Suzanne Vega “Luca” b/w “Night Vision”

Siouxsie Sioux & The Banshees “Hong Kong Garden” b/w “Night Vision”

Mr. Cheapo’s (Mineola):

Mic Geronimo “Masta I.C.”

Jemini The Gifted One “Funk Soul Sensation”

Hi-Tek “Hi Teknology”

Schoolly D “Livin’ In The Jungle” b/w “Gucci Again”

Richie Cole New York Afternoon

Dott & Night School Carousel split e.p.

Joe Beck self-titled

Chick Corea Return To Forever

Hank Crawford Hank Crawford’s Back

Steve Khan Tightrope

Tappan Zee label Best Of…

Shabba Ranks “Ram Dancehall” b/w “Original Woman”

D&D All-Stars “1, 2 Pass It”

Rayvon “No Guns, No Murder”

Doug E. Fresh & Beenie Man “Hands In The Air”

Black Moon “Black Smif-N-Wesson” b/w Smif-N-Wesson “Headz Ain’t Redee”

Goats, The “Burn The Flag” b/w “Typical American”

Little Shawn “Don Perignon”

Specials, The More Specials

Lee Ritenour The Best Of…

Steve Khan Arrows

Genesis Invisible Touch

Vacancies, The Tantrum

Nobodys, The Generation XXX

Easy Action Friends Of Rock & Roll

New Bomb Turks Scared Straight

Roots, The Do You Want More?!!!??!

Eric B & Rakim Don’t Sweat The Technique

Boogie Down Productions Edutainment

X Clan Xodus

Lords Of The Underground Here Come The Lords

Buckshot LeFonque self-titled

Channel Live Station Identification

Funkdoobiest Brothas Doobie

Method Man & Mary J. Blige “I’ll Be There For You” / “You’re All I Need”

GZA / Genius Liquid Swords

Milk Never Dated

Naughty By Nature19 Naughty III

Das EFX Straight Up Sewaside

Grand Puba 2000

Naughty By Nature Poverty’s Paradise

Ol’ Dirty Bastard Return To The 36 Chambers (dirty version)

George Michael Faith

Vinyl Bay 777:

(No purchases.)

[lilyevanstan1325]

🔥 Dangerous Game 🔥

Chapter 1

Amaya POV

I hate this day with all of myself.

Today is my birthday and I hate this damn day immensely.

Because it is not only the day of my birth but exactly 12 years ago my parents died.

They were skilled and capable agents.

They died on a simple recovery mission.

Murdered, to put it better.

There is no day that I do not think about them but on this very day my heart aches even more, as if every year that passes it makes a small part of them die.

I have not celebrated since then, if I could I would delete this date from the calendar.

If I could I would erase this day from my memory.

From my life.

Mom and dad met at the S.H.I.E.L.D. academy both barely of age had recently enrolled.

They had tied up immediately, mom always told me that the secret of their marriage was friendship.

Because before falling madly in love they became great friends.

Over time they had learned to trust each other and eventually love arrived.

They are my example of true love.

I am sitting on my bed, in my small and modest apartment, in my hands I hold a photo of them.

Dad had long red hair and shiny baby blue eyes.

Mom always said that that hair was wasted on a man,

according to her it was not fair that she had to spend hours with a brush and hairdryer to make herself presentable and instead he just needed a brush stroke.

I smile.

Mum, on the other hand, had honey blonde hair that she wore in a neat bob and eyes green like emeralds.

He of Irish descent and she the classic New York girl.

Together they were beautiful.

The envy of every individual who crossed their path.

And as if that were not enough they were also two good people.

Kind, selfless and in their work they were among the best.

I sigh and put the photo upside down on the blankets.

I can't look at it anymore.

I stand up and stop in front of the large mirror in my bedroom.

I am wrapped in a large towel, my wet hair falling to my back.

Real Irish red hair like my dad and the same green eyes as my mom.

Small in stature but well proportioned, generous breasts and hips.

I watch myself carefully, my glance back in the mirror.

After a few seconds I decide it's time to get ready.

Every 20th of August I do some madness, to exorcise the pain and curse this day.

The day he took my parents away from me.

All year round I am an impeccable woman.

Right arm of Fury, precise and lethal agent.

I put all of myself into my work.

But on this damn day I don't want to be me anymore.

Every year I make a madness, for example three years ago I jumped into the Hudson naked and swam across it, risking pneumonia.

Two years ago I got drunk until I fainted, I woke up the next day on the roof of my apartment.

Last year I did bungee jumping with a group of strangers.We threw ourselves off the Brooklyn Bridge with ropes that if I think about them today I don't know how reliable I could believe them.

For this year, however,I have chosen something totally different.Something I would never, ever do in my daily life.

Sex with a stranger.

I want to hook up with a man at the bar and have some wild sex with him.

I start drying my hair and once it is dry I pull them all back and tie them in a high ponytail.

I make up fairly lightly, just a little blush and some mascara.

And then I apply a blood red lipstick like nail polish on my fingernails.

I look in the mirror, I'm not great but over the years I have learned to exploit my femininity to my liking.

And then a few shots of Vodka will do the rest.

I step into my simple little black dress, with thin straps and a very generous neckline.

The back is totally uncovered and the hem of the dress stops just below the curve of my butt.

I wear my beautiful black Louboutin with a red sole.

A splash of perfume, Alien by Thierry Mugler, a last look in the mirror and after grabbing the clutch bag with the keys I walk towards the door.

I take a last big breath and leave the house.

Once out on the street I raise my hand to call a taxi, look at my watch.It is 08:00 PM.

Perfect time.

A taxi stops, I open the door and take a seat.

In here the smell is bad, mold and wet dog.

Gross.

"Terra blues, please"

"Immediately ma'am"

The ride is relatively short, the streets of New York are not very busy tonight.

As soon as the taxi stops, I leave the money for the driver.

"Keep the change"

I walk away without even waiting for his answer.

As soon as I enter I am hit by the fragrance of beer and whiskey.Jazz music resounds in the air, they are playing live from the stage which is located right at the end of the room.In front of the stage there are some wooden tables and chairs.On both sides there are counters that run along the walls, in front the high wooden stools.

I seat on a stool right in front of the bartender.

"I'll bring you a drink sweetheart?"

"Two vodkas, straight.And if you stop calling me sweetheart, I might as well leave you a nice tip at the end of the evening"

"At the orders of her ma'am"

He walks away and after a few seconds comes back with my order.

I drink the first shot in one gulp.

I look around.

The place is nice and welcoming.

I scan the room thoroughly, looking for my victim and...BINGO!

Found!

I stare at him for a few seconds and immediately his gaze is chained to mine.

He has blue eyes like the sky at dusk, a square jaw covered with a light beard and dark hair left a little longer and messy.

I just smile at him, a winking smile.

He continues to observe me.

I look away and go back to my drink.

Our game of glances becomes more and more lewd.

So I make the first move.

I call the bartender and order two more shots of Vodka.

"One for me and one for that boy over there"

The man pours me my drink and then brings the other to him.

I see them talking to each other and the barman gestures in my direction.

Enchanting eyes stares me in the eye and raises an eyebrow.

I smile and raise my drink in his direction, he does the same with his and we make a toast from a distance.

Ok now the time has come.

I get up confident in myself, without looking back I walk towards the bathroom.

I grab the handle but before entering I turn to him.

His eyes are glued to my figure and as soon as they meet my eyes I smile and wink.

I walk into the bathroom hoping my plan will work.

Bucky POV

What the hell am I doing.

What the hell am I doing.

What the hell am I doing.

These are the ones that I keep repeating incessantly in my head as I walk briskly towards the bathroom door of this pub.

Tonight I only came here with the intention of having a drink and letting go of the anger.

My girlfriend and I have had a fight again, we have only been together for 6 months, yet it seems that we do nothing but fight.

She says she would like more attention.

I give it to her but she thinks it's not enough.

I feel impatient.

And I feel ungrateful.

I was given a second chance.

I went from being a ruthless killer to being a model man.

An Avengers.

In the eyes of the world I have everything you could want.

A respectable job, wherever I go I am recognized and praised.

My best friend is the best man in the world and I have to do my part alongside him.

I must be worthy to be his friend.

My girlfriend is a strong, loyal and respected woman across America.

The team I work with has welcomed me with open arms, even Tony Stark has granted me his forgiveness.

"It's not your fault, you had no choice" these are his words.

I would have preferred if he had punched me.

I hate all this.

I feel stuck in a life that I don't feel mine, I would like to scream my anger and all my pain but I can't.

I can't disappoint everyone who believed in me.

I can't disappoint Steve.

He has exposed himself in the first person for me, he's proud of me and my path.

He says I deserve all this but I'm not from agreement.

I wanted to pay for my sins, I feel like my soul was still dirty, stained.

And now as if that weren't enough I spent the evening exchanging fiery glances with a perfect stranger.

A stranger as beautiful as sin.

Hair red as the flames of hell.

Red lips that bring to mind only lustful thoughts.

Those green eyes, so penetrating, as if mother nature had taken two emeralds and smoothed them, giving them to her just for the sake of driving men mad.

I put my hand on the bathroom door handle and open with a deep breath.

The bathroom is dark, only low blue neon lights to brighten the environment.

There are four cubicles to my left and a large mirror with two sinks below to my right.

Not even the time to take a couple of steps that a small hand, nails enameled in red, grabs me by the shirt and pulls me into the first small cubicle.

In a moment I find myself glued to her lips.

Her tongue clashing with mine, violently.

Each of us strives for supremacy.

Each of us does not want to succumb to the other.

My vibranium arm wraps around her back, my other hand locks the door.

Immediately both of her arms tighten around my neck, with her fingers she massages the nape of my neck.

She pulls my hair.

I dig my hands into the warm flesh of her bare back.

With every movement of her her dress is lifted, it is so short that drives me crazy.

She pulls away from my mouth only to trace the outline of my mouth with her tongue, lingers on my lower lip.She bites its gently and then sucks.

A roar comes from deep in my chest.

This kiss is animalistic, indecent.

Tongues and teeth, teeth that tear and bite.

And I'm loving it.

Her hands from the back of my neck go down to my chest and, as she kisses me and bites my neck, she unbuttons the shirt completely.

She uses her small hands to slide the shirt from my arms, I humor her and stay bare-chested.

Slowly, with a trail of kisses, she goes down and down.

Until she's on her knees in front of me.

She unfastens my belt and lowers my pants and boxers, just enough to release my aching erection.

My cock, red and angry tip, twiching in her hand.

I put my hands on the wall in front of me, looking up at the ceiling.

I should stop her.

I should stop.

But I can't and every bit of self-control disappears when I feel her warm, velvety mouth wrapping the tip of my cock.

I look down at her and find her staring at me.

Her bright green eyes almost look like they can light up this dingy bathroom.

With one hand she grabs my cock from the base, she licks it all along its length.

Her free hand massages my testicles.

Her tongue starts from the balls to reach the tip where she licks the first drops of precum.

I grab the sides of her neck, with my thumbs I stroke her cheeks.

I see her sucking me into her mouth, her sinful red lips wrapped around me.

I push her head and my hips lunge.

She gags unprepared for that violent invasion.

I feel it hit the bottom of her throat.

"Don't worry, I know you can do it.Just a few more seconds"

I whisper in a hoarse voice broken by passion.

I come out of her mouth with a pop that sounds obscene.

I push myself back to her mouth but this time she is prepared and tilts her head slightly to welcome me completely.

Always eye to eye.

Tears fill with her eyes as she tries to breathe and after a few seconds I let her go.

A trickle of saliva goes from her mouth to my dick.

She takes a few seconds to catch her breath and then comes back to take care of me.

Voracity, I feel his tongue wrap around my tip.

Roll my eyes in my head.

For heaven's sake I feel I'm losing control, if she continues like this I could cum at any moment.

So I grab her by the shoulders and forcefully lift her, almost tugging on her.

I take possession of her mouth again, she lets herself be devoured, I go down on her neck and bite that portion of skin right behind her ear.

She moans like a kitten.

And now it's my turn, I've been waiting for this moment ever since I saw her reach the bathroom.

I kneel at her feet and pull her dress up, lift it up to her stomach.

Delicious lace panties make their appearance.

I put my index fingers on either side of them and pull them down to her ankles.

I take them off her and looking into her eyes I put them in the pocket of my pants.

A corner of her mouth rises upwards.

I go back to focusing on her body.

My fingers go up lightly, starting from the hollow of her knees up to her butt.

I squeeze it, it is as firm as I imagined.

Soft and delicious.

In the meantime, I kiss her thighs, first her right and after her left.

I rub my nose along her fold, kiss her mount of venus.

I feel her vibrate under my touch.

I lift her right leg and place it on my left shoulder, she trembles when her hot skin comes into contact with the Vibranium.

I kiss her inner thighs.

One time.

One more time.

And then lick.

Lick her fold, I linger on the clit and suck.

Her legs tremble and her hands clench into fists in my hair.

In the air only the sound of moans and the wet sound of my tongue lapping into her cunt.

I slowly insert a finger inside her, curling it, and hooked inside her.

She moves her hips following the pace I dictate.

"Yet another" her voice is distorted with pleasure.

I understand what she wants and add a second finger.

I pick up the pace.

I understand she is about to cum, her cunt tightening around my fingers in a delicious way.

With my mouth I apply the right pressure on her clit and she cums.

She does it screaming, her face distorted by passion.

I get up licking my fingers without ever taking my eyes off hers, moaning relentlessly at the sensation of her moisture in my mouth.

She pulls me towards her and this time she devours my lips.

I let her do it.

I wrap my arms around her back and with a light jump she fastens her legs to my waist.

Now I'm holding her only with my vibranium arm, with the other hand I grab my cock and use it to make my way inside her.

I rub my tip against her clit.

"Wait!Wait!" her voice brings me back down to earth.

"What happens?"

"Do you have a condom?"

Damn.

"No.Shit!"

"Don't worry, I have one in my purse"

So saying she points to a small black purse hanging from the door handle.

I let go of my dick and lean to the side to grab the purse.

I hold it open in front of her eyes while she with a hand rummages through it while her other hand clings to the back of my neck.

Thank God she finds it.

I rest the bag in its place and in the meantime she opens the condom package with her teeth.

Then she uses both hands to wrap it up on my cock in a few moves.

Meanwhile, let's keep kissing.

I break the kiss for a moment and rest my forehead against hers.

For a moment I feel lost.

She notices it.

"If you want we can stop"

Her breathing is irregular, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shiny with lust.

I should stop but I don't want to.

"No" I reply harshly.

And just as hard I enter her.

One push, rough.

Her nails dig into the flesh of my arm.

I feel her stiffen, she bites her lips almost until they bleed.

I remain motionless inside her.

”I'm sorry" I whisper.

Being still is torture, she is so hot and tight.

"No.No it's ok.Give me a few moments” she whispers back.

"Is your size a little too...generous?"

We both giggle.

Jesus Christ why are we so in tune?

A one night only shouldn't be like that.

It should be just sex, non-complicity and smiles.  When I notice that the discomfort begins to leave her face I begin to move, slowly this time.

I go in and out of her with a disarming slowness, I use my hand of flesh to drag my dick up and down her slit and then reenter her.

She throws her head back, her moans more and more acute and uncontrolled.

I increase my pace.

And she now clings with both hands to the sides of my face.

She has her eyes closed.

"Open your eyes" I demand.

I don't want to miss the wonder of those gems.

She does.

And I am ecstatic again.

With each thrust her beautiful breasts bounce.

I want to see them, so with a quick movement of my hand I lower the cleavage of her dress even more.

No bra.

Great.

I smile and grab one in my hands.

It's big.

One hand of mine barely holds it, I lower my mouth on it and with my tongue I tease the nipple.Then I take it in my mouth and I suck it.

”Oh my…just like that”

Her voice is an octave higher, she likes what I'm doing to her.

"Please…harder"

And I can't help but please her.

I poundend in her, my hips moving so fast.

The sloppy wet sounds coming from where we are connected push me to the edge.

I slow down my pace, I don't want to cum.

Not now.

Not like that.

I pull myself out of her and she whimpers at the empty feeling.

I put her down making sure she can stand on her legs.

I lean down until my lips are close to her ear and whisper

“Turn around and bend over”

This bathroom is so tight, stuffy.

The air around us is hot, it feels hard to even breathe.It's like the heat of our bodies and of our panting has caused the temperature around us to rise.

Anything it does brings my excitement to the stars.

"Lift your foot and place it here" so saying I grab her left ankle and guide her foot over the toilet seat.

Now she is open before my eyes.

I spank her with my hand in vibranium, a strangled moan leaves her lips.

I enter her again.

I sink my hands into the flesh of her side and squeeze tight, tomorrow she will surely bruised but doesn't seem to care.

With every push of mine she comes towards me.

Her ass bouncing in front of me.

I wonder how it is possible to be so in tune with a stranger, she seems to understand my needs.

My urgency.

My pain.

She understands me more than my girlfriend does and, God have mercy on me, even more than my best friend.

I wrap her ponytail around my fist and pull her towards me.

I pull her until she lifts herself up just enough so that her back is against my chest.

I keep pumping into her nonstop.

I let go of her hair and grab her throat with my vibranium hand, she turns her head towards me and brings her arm up over her so that her hand is behind my neck.

She squeezes a lock of my hair in her fingers and kisses me.

We pant in each other's mouth.

"Open your mouth”

As soon as she does it I spit inside her.

“Swallow”

She swallows and it's one of the hottest things I've ever seen.

”I'm gonna cum” I warned her.

“If you want…aaaah” she cry out.

“If you want you can cum in my mouth.But first let me cum" her voice comes out lustful.

My grip on her neck increases.

With my free hand I go down to her clit and begin to stimulate her with circular motions.

She is close, I feel her pussy milking my cock.

Another couple of thrusts well placed and she cums screaming.

Her body shakes with a thousand chills.

I keep stimulating her until it become nearly painful for her.

I walk out of her, turn her towards me and kiss her again.

My hands are on her breasts.

I squeeze and massage.

She lowers her hands on my cock, takes off the condom and throws it into the bin next to her.

Within seconds she is kneeling again in front of me.

My dick in her mouth.

She sucks merciless and I indulge her thrusting movements in and out in her mouth.

"Oh yeah baby…just like that.Don't stop"

And so I cum.

I cum in her mouth and she licks everything.

She cleans up and swallows every last drop of me.

She slowly rises, leaving a trail of hot kisses along my abdominals, on my neck and finally on my mouth.

I can feel my taste through her.

We break away to look each other into eyes.

A drop of me has remained on her chin, I pick it up with my thumb and then put it in her mouth.

She sucks its as if her life depended on it.

We are both short of breath.

Our chest rise and fall furiously, continuing to touch each other in this narrow space.

She gives me one last sweet kiss and leaves the cubicle.

I can not do it.

I collapse without strength on the toilet.

She stops in front of the mirror and tries to put herself in order.

I see her cover her breasts and pull down her skirt.

She looks for my eyes through the mirror.

"Do you think I could have my panty back?"

She asks me with a raised eyebrow.

I pretend to think about it and I answer her.

"If it does the same for you I'd rather keep them"

"You're a little pervert, you know?"

"Me?"

We both burst out laughing.

I go back to observe her.

She now fixing her hair and trying to clean the smudges of her lipstick.

She washes her hands then grabs her purse.

She heads for the door that will take her back to the pub hall.

"I don't even know your name"

I don't know why I said it.

She hangs her hand on the doorknob.

She talks to me without turning around.

"Better this way because if I told you I would have to kill you"

She just turns her head towards me and she winks at me.

"It was a pleasure Sergeant Barnes"

And she leaves.

I stare at the door like an idiot.

Did I really think she didn't recognize me?

I have a fucking vibranium arm how the hell am I supposed to go unnoticed?

I look at myself in the reflection of the mirror.

I'm a mess.

Unkempt hair and a flushed face.

I get up and put on my shirt, closing the buttons one after the other.

I adjust my pants and go to one of the two sinks.

I rinse my face with cold water and meticulously check that there is no trace of her lipstick left.

It would be really hard to explain once I get home.

I still can't believe what I've done, it's true that I feel suffocated in my relationship but never, ever thought of cheating on her.

I'm not that kind of man…or at least I wasn't.

I should feel guilty.

I'm a traitor, a bastard.

Yet I feel good, light.

I feel myself after I don't know how long.

I look at myself one last time in the mirror, I try to arrange my hair as best I can by passing my hands several times but in the end I give up.

I'm just making it worse.

I leave the bathroom and head directly to the exit, I don't even look around.

I don't want to know if she is still here.

I go out into the warm New York air, even though it's already 11:00 PM it's hot.

The heat makes the air unbreathable and the clothes stick to my body.

I walk down the street to the Avengers Tower.

I sigh.

I don't want to go back it's as if I felt the physical need to be alone, brooding over what happened and above all about what I really want.

What do I really want?

This is the problem…I don't know!

I barely know who I am, I can't know what I want but apparently the others know.

And I base my new life on that, on what others expect of me.

I enter the large tower belonging to Stark and head directly to the kitchen, I need to drink some water and honestly I have not yet found the courage to go back to my room where she will surely be waiting for me.

Great.

I notice that the light in the kitchen is on and Steve is sitting at one of the stools positioned in front of the kitchen counter.

"Hey pal, trouble to sleep?"

I ask as I approach the fridge.

I open the door in search of a bottle of water.

"No, honestly I was waiting for you.Would you like if they exchange a few words?"

I squeeze my eyes, hidden behind the fridge door I look for a solution to avoid all this but I know it doesn't exist.

Besides, I can't dismiss him like that, he's my best friend.

He has saved my life on many occasions.

He is the only real family left to me.He is the link with my real self, the man I was in the 40s.

I close the fridge and bring the bottle to my lips, I take big sips.

"Sure man, what's up?"

“I know that you and Sharon have had a fight again.It happens a lot lately.Everything good?"

"Did you talk to her?" my only answer.

Steve puts a hand behind his head to scratch it.

"No.She talked about it with Nat and she…”

“ Obviously she told you”

I continue his sentence.

Here this is one thing I would like.

I would like a relationship like the one that Steve and Natasha have.

They understand only by looking, they always talk about everything.

There are no secrets between them.

They are not only lovers, they are also friends and accomplices.

And from what Steve told me in bed they spark.

Quite the opposite of my relationship.

I can't open up to Sharon, I can't tell her honestly about how I feel.

I'm afraid of her judgment.

She is a Carter.

Damn.

Member of a respected family.

She chose me as a mate, I have to keep expectations after all.

When Steve found out about our relationship, he was delighted.

”Sharon is a good girl, she is smart and loyal.Great choose pal" so he told me that day.

And then in bed between us it's all monotonous and repetitive.

I don't know how my story with her started, she was there by my side when I needed.

He helped Steve and me to think Tony Stark, she avoided the outbreak of a real “civil war”.

She was with me in Wakanda when I got rid of the Winter Soldier forever.

It was inevitable to get close, to end up together.

I am grateful to her, really but I don't love her.

And I don't know how to tell her.

My God!I've been with her for 6 months, she told me she loves me and with all her goodness and sweetness she hugged me and told me I didn't have to worry about anything.

"Don't worry James, when you hear it too you will tell me.There is no rush"

It's been 2 months since then but I haven't told her yet.

I can't tell her.

Steve watches me, I know he's trying to figure out what's happening to me.

"Sure you're okay, Buck?You don't seem like you lately, at least not 100%.You know you can always talk to me.I could never judge you"

Oh I know Steve.I know you would never judge me but I'm terrified to see the disappointment in your eyes.

So I swallow all the discomfort I feel, put a big smile on my face and answer him.

"Nah man, it's okay.Little couple quarrels.I think they're normal, right?"

We stare at each other for a few seconds.

Steve sighs.

"Okay but please if there is something bothering you, anything, tell me.All right?"

"Absolutely Steve.You would be the first one I would turn to"

I throw the now empty bottle in the garbage and head for the elevator.

Steve follows me, we go up in silence.

"Ok Buck, goodnight"

"Goodnight dude"

I slowly walk in my room.

A figure in my bed.

Sharon is sleeping.

I watch her.

She sleeps on her side, hands right under her cheek.

Her long legs one on top of the other and her slender ankles intertwined.

Long blond hair is down.

Spread across the pillow like threads of gold.

Her lips parted slightly.

She's wearing a T-shirt of mine that barely covers her butt.

She's beautiful.

Why can't I love her?

I take my pillow, being careful not to wake her, and I head to the sofa positioned in front of the large window.

I'll sleep here, I don't want to wake her up because I wouldn't even have the courage to look at her face.

I need to interpose a night between the unknown woman and my girlfriend.

I have to come back to myself and move on.

Or at least I have to try.

Amaya POV

From the bathroom I head to the bartender.

I pay for my drinks and tip them $ 10.

I go out of the pub and immediately a wave of heat hits me in full.

I see a taxi coming in the distance and I raise my hand.

It stops immediately.

"Good evening sweetheart, where will I take you?"

I do not take care to initiate any kind of dialogue with the driver.

I just give him my address.

Throughout the journey I notice his slimy glances that he throws at me through the rearview mirror.

I smile.

Poor fellow does not know how close he is to his death if only he even tried to touch me.

He don't know that I would be able to break his neck with my bare hands.

He doesn't know who I am.

Nobody actually knows, or at least they don't know the truth.

For everyone, I'm just Agent Snow.Amaya Snow.

Daughter of two of the best and most respected agents that S.H.I.E.L.D. ever had.

I am an agent like many others who have decided to work behind a desk instead of in the field.

But that's just the version of me that's in the public domain.

In reality, I am Agent Zero.

Fury's right hand man, I've been working alongside him for 10 years now.

When my parents died I was 16 and only the year before I entered the academy.

Only three people know my true identity.

Fury, Maria Hill and for some years also the Black Widow has entered our secret circle.

The director of S.H.I.E.L.D. he noticed my skills and took me under his wing, becoming my mentor and my only point of reference.

And only two years later he had offered me this role.

I accepted without hesitation.

Working in the shadows seemed perfect to me at the time.

It gave me the right range of motion so that no one would ever notice me.

So that I was free to find my parents' killer.

I sacrificed everything for this job.

Without friends, unable to let anyone into my life because no one can find out who I really am.

Some say that Agent Zero is just a legend, no one knows if it is a man or a woman.

All we know is that he is a lethal killer, who does not miss a goal.

Indeed, only one man had managed to escape me.

The Winter Soldier.

The same man I seduced tonight, Sergeant Barnes.

His expression was priceless when I said his name.

I look out the window, the streets of the Big Apple flow quickly before my eyes and after a few more minutes I'm under my house.

I pay my ride and get out of the car, making sure that the dress does not rise too much.

My panty were currently in someone else's trouser pocket.

I smile.

Absurd.

I enter the house kicking my shoes, they will be beautiful but damn if they are torture for the feet.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and threw myself on the sofa.

I should feel awful for what I've done.

I shouldn't have aimed for Barnes.

He is an Avengers and is engaged to one of the women I respect most in the world.

The descendant of Peggy Carter, the woman who founded S.H.I.E.L.D.

The woman who inspired my entire life and career.

And instead I feel relieved, for a moment I forget all my cursed past.

God if he found out Fury would tear me apart.

But I really couldn't miss this opportunity, the only goal I've ever missed.

I had the opportunity to submit him to my will.

Spite?Maybe.

And then he is beautiful, useless to deny it.

Blue eyes to take your breath away and then he has a vibranium arm.

That fucking arm!

C'mon!It is the erotic desire par excellence.

I get up to take a shower.

I enter the bathroom and after tying my hair in a messy bun I enter the shower, the fresh water regenerates my body and mind.

I stay under the jet of water for a few minutes, then I soap and rinse everything carefully.

I'm just wearing panties and an old mom t-shirt.

It's too hot tonight.

I open the window and let a light breeze circulate in the hot and muggy room.

I think back to what happened tonight.

James Barnes.

His hands, his mouth.

His fingers in vibranium that squeezed my flesh.

His fingers inside me.

His big cock and how he uses it divinely.

Even if it was a one night only, there was a lot of chemistry.

I felt less alone for that short amount of time.

I don't know what this connection is due to.

Perhaps the fact that our hands are dripping with other people's blood in the same way.

We are two lonely souls, after all no one can understand the inner agony that remains when you spend years killing.

I close my eyes.

From tomorrow morning I will go back to being myself, I will never think about this night again.

Sergent Barnes will remain only a memory.

I will certainly never see him again.

Please share, comment and rate ❤️

🔥 Masterlist 🔥

[starry-miki]

⭐️ Get to know the artist! ⭐️

(+Obey Me! Questionnaire)

Here we are again… back again with another year down. Wow time really does fly by doesn’t it? My Anniversary for my tumblr was back in August but I was not really active until near the end of the year, (sorta) So I’ve decided to welcome the new year, with a ‘get to know artist’ post. I should’ve done this a while ago but I didn’t think of it till now. 😘

I will warn that this is much longer then intended, so maybe a 10 or 15 minute read, also warn of some profanity but mostly for phrases.

I will be answering basic art related questions and Obey Me! Questions near the bottom. (Which is the part that is much longer than I intended it to be)

Basic questions

Hello everyone, you may call me Miki, I’m a Obey Me! (Mostly a side characters) and OC artist. I don’t have a preferred pronounce so you may refer to be however you like!

Age: old enough to commit tax evasion. (Adult) 😘

Favorite color: good question I don’t actually have one I think lots of colors are pretty. 🥰

Birthday: April 5th (Aries?)

How long have I been drawing?

I’ve been drawing for about 3ish years, however the first year and half was on and off.

Would I be a good art moot?

If I’m being honest I’m more shy and people scary me, so if you would like to be friends you might need to approach first…. But I do have small surges of courage to message first sometimes! How my friends would describe my personality…

“The one with no care in the world that just tags along for the ride and accepts their fate” -Questionable TikTok post sent by my by friend.

To be honest I’m all over the place with my art….

Commission?

I have been thinking about open commissions and I think I will some time this year, but I’m a bit of a noob with rendering so I will practice before then!

A Fun fact: I’m a cat in a human’s body and need at least 10 to 12 hours of sleep to feel full rested, this also causes my sleeping schedule to get messed up. :P

What type of crime would I get arrested for?

Arson, honestly fire is so pretty when it burns things…. Has a weird magical feeling when you watch it….

An art advice?

I’m honestly still an artist noob so take what I say with a grain of salt. But for those starting out drawing, don’t worry about finding your art style it will develop in time while you learn and improve as well when you discover your likes and dislikes. I know one of the common advices usually given to find an art style is to reference off your favorite artists, it can work for some but for many others this advice doesn’t work, sometimes it can create a perfection of wanting to copy someone else art style or getting frustrated that it doesn’t look similar to your favorite artist style. But I promise patience and practice will pay off, don’t be afraid to indulge a bit out of your comfort zone and explore different styles, besides you may find yourself surprised with what you discovered.

Obey Me! related questions!

What and when did you play obey me?

I start back in early April, I kept getting ads for it on my Instagram and at some point I got tired of seeing it (and thought somebody in the universe really want me to play the game) and decided to play it, I didn’t think much about it and it was mostly something to kill time and I could have deleted it later when I got bored.

Did I mention that would be almost 4 years ago? (April 3, 2020)

Which of the brothers and side characters would I get along the best?

If I’m being honest I feel like I would get along with the majority of the cast, there always seems to be something I have in common or could do with the characters, I’ll start with the brothers first and also keep it short.

Lucifer: listening to classical music together or attending classical music concerts.

Mammon: ??? (actually the least brother I have common with)

Levi: video games, discussion of franchises and theories, etc.

Satan: appreciate cats and learning new things and intake of knowledge.

Asmo: I’m a rat so I love me some gossip while also doing self care. 😘

Beel: late night food runs or sneaking in the kitchen late a night to eat something (I do that in RL anyway)

Belphie: honestly sleeping buddies and anti lucifer club but I luv luci but still would like to occasionally join in the pranks. 😘

Diavolo: I honestly wouldn’t hang around with Diavolo if I’m being honest… just not much in common and other factors but I’m not going to elaborate.

Barbatos: I love me some good tea, some delicious food, pastries and barbatos company. 🥰

Simeon: honestly reminds me of some type of nice coworker and would just see him occasionally. (Still a pretty boy tho)

Luke: I’m the second or first sweets tester, I’m eat up those pastries and protect the bby. 🥹

Solomon: It works and I won’t elaborate. But I will say I will be with Solomon and Barbatos on a hot summer day with the AC on full blast cause we can’t stand the heat. (I heat up so quickly and are much more prone to a heat exhaustion, so you probably guessed that summer isn’t my favorite season.) 😘

First character crush?

If I’m being honest I didn’t really had one? But I had a very light crush on mammon. If that counts for anything.

Current crushes?

This should be a no brainer but old man and surprisingly barbs. Which i feel like many wouldn’t know since I rarely draw him (exact a few times) or ever mention me having a little crush about him. 😗

Favorite obey me outfits or event?

I would say the chief/apron from the brothers and for event I think the vampire event is my favorite. 🤔

(I’ve already started running out of questions so I went to the B LOV questions to rizz you up lmao.)

B’s log question. From (2022) Devildom Homework

(I also skip some of the questions cause they have already been answered or I got no answer)

Link for the OM! Cast B’s Log (I recommend reading it, but not necessarily):

Things I like:

making sure I try to end conversations or interactions with people feeling happy or feeling positive. (Which definitely has drawn bad people but I have been more careful and selective) 😘

Favorite item: (like food???)

Homemade banana milkshake, fruits and pastries. 🥰

What you secretly think about the person you love:

how did that happen??? 😀

Your motto?

1. Sleep it off.

2. fuck around and find out until you find the solution (or create a new problem or make it worse). 😘

3. Everything is going to be okay, eat some sweets and try again. ☺️

Love Questionnaire.

Be the first one to confess love is what you will… do.

Be possessive is what you will?

“Won’t do, and don’t want to be possessive over either” -Solomon

Tbh same. 💀

Be jealous is what you will?

Do not. I find jealousy to be such an ugly emotion to feel and would like to avoid or completely eliminate the feeling when it rarely occurs.

A love with obstacles is….

honestly a pain in the ass but it honestly depends on the type of obstacle and if I love that person enough.

Days that you think about the person you love so much that you can’t fall asleep… do not exist.

Times when you can’t be honestly convey your feelings. Does not exist

—-

Devildom borderline:

Devildom charm distribution chart (self assessment ver.)

Dead set in the middle just a little bit to the reliable.

Please explain your choice on the chart!

If I’m being honest I don’t really find myself cool, cute, spoiled nor reliable. I’m more neutral? I mean if group projects count I guess I would be a little reliable? I’ll do my part of the project but I don’t really ask others if they need help with their work load but I do with friends though.

Tell me! Your borderline!

Border line of “Horror”- which on is more scary?

(1) 24hr long lecture from lucifer

(2) bungee jump form the highest mountain in the Devildom without a cord.

(3) other. “When you are thinking about eating a certain food in the fridge and when you get to it, it’s already been eaten. My day is ruined” 😔

Borderline of "Don't wanna do" - Which one would you avoid?

1. Asmo's 1-day photograph assistant

2. Beel's 1-day cook

3. Others. “Hurting people’s feelings and stomping their happy mood, I prefer someone to discuss about rocket science if that’s what they are passionate about and not understanding what they are talking about. It’s rare to see people have pure passion in something and talk about it excitedly, I never wish for that passion or excitedness to die out.

Borderline of "Wanna try" - Which one would you prefer experiencing?

1. 1-day Demon King

2. 1-day Devildom Spy

3. Others. “I honestly want to walk around nature solo and in different landscapes, maybe walk in a flowery meadow in the evening with pretty pink and purple evening sky or walk through a dark cloudy evening forest with light snow gently falling.”

Borderline of "Blessed" - Which one makes you happier?

1. People surrounding are smiling.

2. Enjoying yourself from the bottom of your heart.

3. Others. “I would say all of above and possibly more, happiness is a fleeting feeling and can sometimes be difficult to feel in everyday life, any way to achieve even the smallest of happiness even if it’s from the most simplest things is good in my book.”

Borderline of "Cheating" - Absolutely, not allowed!

1. Holding hands

2. Meeting eyes

3. Others. “Depends on the circumstances” :P

-End

What would you do once Obey Me! Reaches to the end?

Cry, that would be my thirteen reason why, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, AND ILL KEEP THE ANSWER SHORT TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT. 😔😭

Well I think that’s enough questions to answer! I hope the questionnaires give you a little insight about me. This year I do hope to be more active and post just a bit more the i have from last year. And for those who made this far let me know what your responses are for the B’s Log questionnaire! Happy New Year to everyone, and may you be blessed to a wonderful year! ☺️💕

[fabyzay-blog]

The one where two ex-lovers meet again in a reality TV show. 

Hi! When I was first reading LITG S5 I wrote a little something to help me understand the plot better because I love details and we were bearly getting any. So a wrote what I was thinking about how Suresh and my MC (Rays) met.

It was always meant to be just for me but I was browsing on my computer the other day and decided to share it here. (English is not my first lenguage so I apologize for any errors)

Summer 2022

Rays entered the Love Island Villa hoping to finally move on from Suresh. This was her new beginning, her chance to open herself up to love again. But what she didn’t expect was for him to be there too. 

Rays thought she had left him behind, that her wounds were finally healed, and that she was ready to move on to someone new. But then she looked into his emerald, green eyes again and all the feelings that were locked away in the deepest parts of her heart a year and so ago came back like a bucket of cold water. 

He looked just like she remembered, his hair perfectly slick back, clothes that fit perfectly (purple swim trunks, her favorite color), and that confident cocky grin that always adorned his face. 

He looked perfect, just like the first time she met him almost three years ago. 

August 2019 

Rays was good at her job. She was just an intern, but she worked her ass off to be the one to get promoted to writer before the end of the year. 

So, when her boss asked one of the interns to take care of everything the attorneys the law firm had sent to take care of the merging the company was going through at the time, she did not hesitate to volunteer herself to the task. This did not fall within her usual responsibilities at the magazine she worked at, but she was going to be the best assistant those pretentious lawyers have ever had. 

However, she did not expect the job to be this hard, and it was all because of him. Suresh De Silva. 

The team was composed of two lawyers. Andrea who was in her forties, and barely needed her for anything. Suresh on the other hand was younger, closer to Rays age, smoking hot, and was always calling her over to the conference room the company had given them to work in. 

He needed coffee, and documents she had forwarded to him thousands of times before, among many other things she could have given him the previous day or sent over in an email. She did not complain even once, she wanted that promotion, and the fact that he was so good-looking made her forget he made her go to his office multiple times a day. With time the dynamics started to change between them, he started to be the one to bring her a coffee and go to her cubicle every once in a while to get what he needed. 

There was some tension between them from the beginning, but they never acted on it, after all, they both had to keep it professional. 

One day Suresh came without Andrea to the office, so he asked Rays to work with him in the conference room instead of her cubicle so that she could keep him company and she agreed. They barely got any work done that day, they got to know one another, gave each other side glances, and flirted at every chance they could. 

By the end of August Andrea and Suresh had finished their work at the magazine, and after weeks of flirting with each other their flirty banter in the office was over. She never asked for his personal number and neither did he, so she did not see him again, until three weeks later. 

It was almost the end of September when Rays and a few of her friends decided to try a new club on the posh side of town in hopes of finding a rich guy who would pay for their drinks instead of the guys that frequent the club they always went to. After a few hours, she had already got a few free drinks and turned down a couple of guys trying to get her to go home with them that night, all of which she rejected. 

She had spotted Suresh half an hour ago while she was dancing with a redhead, he was a few meters away from her dancing with a brunette. 

He also noticed her half an hour ago, neither of them approached the other, they were playing a game. The teasing game and the one to stop teasing the other first would lose.  

She grabbed the redhead by the neck and started grinding on him, biting his earlobe, and kissing his neck, all while looking at Suresh straight in the eyes. He started whispering into the brunette's ear and then they walked away to a corner of the club, he started kissing the girl's neck, all while looking at Rays straight in the eyes. So naturally Rays started making out with the guy she was with, her body facing towards Suresh, he could see the way they were kissing and his wild hands on her ass. 

He wished that those were his lips, his hands. He parted away from the brunette to go to the bar, technically losing the teasing game but confident that he would be winning something else tonight.

When Rays stopped kissing the redhead she no longer saw Suresh. She cursed to herself thinking that he had taken the game to another level with the brunette and her plan had backfired on her. But after doing a quick scan of the club she spotted him, alone at the bar, staring at her with a cocky grin. She excused herself to go get a drink and made her way to Suresh. 

“Having fun out there” he said to her when she finally arrived at the bar. 

“I am” she answered “You?”

“I am, but not as much as we could have together,” he said confidently while sipping his drink. She gave him a flirty smile while getting closer to him, so close that he could smell the coconut shampoo of her hair and the sweet perfume on her skin. 

“What makes you think I could have more fun with you tonight?” She whispered in his ear, making him shiver. 

“I have a couple of ideas” He whispered back to her, she bit her lip and stroked his arm. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” She asked him, and as quickly as they could they were walking out of the club together towards his car. 

That night in September started them into this dangerous game of being friends with benefits. With time the nights together started to become days and mornings waking up in each other's arms. That translated into getting coffee before work together and fancy dinner dates. 

By the beginning of October, the lines of their relationship started to get blurry, she had a key to his place, and he had a drawer in hers. 

By the middle of October, they realized they were kind of more that fuck buddies and decided to give it a go at a relationship. 

And even though she was his first proper girlfriend Suresh was a great boyfriend to Rays. He was spontaneous, adventurous, loving, and caring. He showed her a word she didn't know. Growing up with a single mother, Rays had barely gotten out of Edinburgh, but she had a bucket list of places she wanted to visit, and Suresh made it his mission to show them to her, to make sure they visit all those places together. 

She was everything he didn't know he needed, his sunshine, he wanted her to be happy and always feel loved and protected by him because he did, he loved her with everything in him. He loved her, his family loved her, even the cat who hated everyone loved her. 

She was it for him. 

He was everything she ever dreamed, everything she wanted. She loved him, her family loved him because they saw how happy he made her all the time. 

He was it for her. 

Summer 2022

Rays remembers everything from the beginning of their relationship. She remembered how he made her feel, all the love she felt for him, and how loved he made her feel all the time. 

But that was a long time ago. 

Now looking at him she could only feel hate and hurt.

She remembered all the tears, the therapy sessions, the sleepless nights, and how broken she felt when she found out he cheated on her. How her world fell apart, and how stupid she felt for buying that ring the same day he decided to throw their relationship away. 

However, looking at him again after all this time and under the hate and the hurt she was feeling, she knew that she never stopped loving him. And at that moment Rays realized that a part of her would always love Suresh.  

This was going to be one heck of a summer.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I am continuing to run out of John + Elis Radio X episodes at a mildly distressing rate, I'm into August 2018 now and they run until March 2019. Yes there are several hundred BBC episodes after that, but they'll be different, and I've got used to these ones. The Radio X episodes are escapist, from when the world was easier. The BBC episodes are going to run through 2020 and I just can't listen to those initial months where they'll say everyone should wash their hands and make jokes about the Imagine video.

Luckily, the side project of following all John Robins' other things alongside the radio chronology will extend this a bit. Their book came out in October 2018, though I think it was written by August, so I could listen to that audiobook pretty much any time now and call it in line with where I'm at in the radio show. I'll get on that soon.

Also, I've reached the radio episodes in which John Robins is telling us about filming his digital television internet-based quiz show. Specifically, he's telling us about the production company hiring someone to buy him new clothes, because he's not allowed to wear Queen-branded or brewery-branded t-shirts while presenting a show on Dave. I was looking forward to this radio show letting me know what happens to a comedian the year after they win the Perrier Award (I'm aware that it wasn't actually called that when he won it in 2017, but I cannot be bothered to look up what it was called in any given year), and now I know. Apparently it's extending a tour to the point where you develop different medical ailments every week from the stress of traveling and at one point turn up to a radio show an hour late because you forgot you were recording, and they give you a digital television internet-based quiz show for which they buy you new clothes that do not advertise breweries or rock bands. It sounds very glamorous.

I've referred to it as a comedy panel show before, because for some reason I thought it had comedians as guests. I've just looked it up and learned it actually features members of the public, like a regular quiz show. And that sounds quite bad. I didn't have terribly high expectations anyway, but this has lowered them. Sunil Patel's all right, though. I mean, I think he's all right as a comedian. Don't know what he's like on this TV show, haven't watched it yet.

But I've got it downloaded and I think I'll get into it this weekend, as I've reached that point in the chronology. I looked up the Chortle review, and its opening paragraph is exactly what I imagined this show would be, based on the synopsis:

This next bit of condemnation comes off as significantly harsher, just because it could function fairly accurately as a description of John Robins' broadcasting/comedy style as a whole, and not just being about this one quiz show that I assume John Robins does not hold up as his greatest artistic achievement:

Sick burn and everything, Steve, and you do have a point that John Robins' habit of going into a vaguely Partridge-inspired voice can sometimes blur the line between parody that works and just actually doing a thing that doesn't work. However, that is some harsh criticism coming from someone who doesn't know how to put a period at the end of a sentence. Maybe learn to use punctuation first, Steve, and then you can talk shit about digital DJs who watched too much Alan Partridge when they were growing up, and possibly base just a touch too much of their persona on ironically imitating that.

Actually, that sounds all right. I enjoy watching John Robins at once try to embrace and stay at arm's length from things. Maybe it won't be so bad.

I think I will start watching this show this weekend, I'll let you all know if it's terrible. Or, tell you what, I'll let you all know if it's good. I don't need to report on it every time I expect something to be bad, but watch it anyway due to my brain's relentless drive toward completism, and it meets my expectations. If it surprises me, I'll definitely let you all know.

[vicekillx]

UPDATE: 2024

Usually I make these kinds of post around New Years, but this year I didn't really have anything to say. But now we're a month in and I definitely do.

I feel…different, this year. In a good way, I think. I feel like I'm tired of being complacent and riding coattails. This month has been a whirlwind of getting my shit in line. So far I:

handled two serious family crises smoothly and picked myself back up quickly from both

called my health insurance (phone calls have historically been an hours-long meltdown-inducing debacle for me) twice to switch my PCP because the previous one was consistently booked 3-6 months out and she just forgot to mention the inhaler I pulled out of my bag to show her at my first appointment so I couldn't get a refill on it or my nebulizer when I had COVID; that's been getting put off since August of last year

made an appointment with said new PCP for Feb 1, and I'm hoping they'll be able to refer me to a dentist and optometrist because I desperately need both

got back into therapy with an autism/ADHD specialist who can help me manage those specifically after my previous therapist didn't understand why I couldn't just Do It™; also have assessments lined up for both to get diagnoses

pay more attention to my health in general, including diet and exercise. I'm already down about 10 lb

restructured my planner to include a mood tracker and sleep tracker, and have been better about staying on top of it

got Trello up and running and so far it's working really well for me

have been doing my house chores more consistently, namely cleaning litter boxes and taking care of my snakes and tarantulas (roommates have been picking up my slack but they shouldn't have to, they're my animals)

am able to work more consistently on my designated work days; before it was a lot of chipping away and putting things off rather than sitting down and making actually decent progress

am finally starting a tattoo sleeve I've wanted for a very, very long time as a belated birthday gift to myself

am consistently filling stream sketch slots, which means I can actually make money and pay my bills on-time (and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who signs up, I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason I've been able to pull myself out of the hole. Financial stability is a hell of a drug)

This year I wanna try really hard to keep the train moving along this track. If things keep going the way they are, I could potentially make some pretty big changes in the not so distant future. Some things I'm brainstorming:

UnholyFans

merch other than stickers (seriously I have so many designs in mind, I just haven't had the drive to work on them or the upfront capital to order inventory)

more monster/demon adoptables

I would really like to collab with some other artists, it's been too fuckin long

website restructure

picking up my side business (I did literally zero pieces for it last year oof), ideally with a rebrand

get back into conventions and try some new crowds: reptile/exotic expos, tattoo conventions, oddities expos, sex conventions, BDSM groups…

push the stream setup to be more professional

rekindling the spark for my personal stories and headworld projects

more I have written down somewhere but can't think of off the top of my head

And to be clear, I'm optimistic, but also a realist. I know from experience that shit changes and I could hit a massive depressive slump in a month or two and be back to where I was for most of last year. I'm still not going to promise anything I'm not confident I can deliver. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

I already got sidetracked with this post, so I'm gonna make a second to get to my original point and I'll come back and add a link to this one when I do. But suffice to say I want to try - again - to breathe some kind of life back into my SubscribeStar. I have some ideas in mind, but I want to hear yall's opinions on it too.

Watch this space ♥