#however i do understand the upset about it it’d be incredibly disappointing if he’s not in season 8 :( i love ravi

[cheri-translates]

Headcanon - when you’re feeling sensitive

This work, 敏感时刻, was originally written by 君兮耶君兮 on Weibo, and she has given me permission to translate it

The original work is split into two parts but angst isn’t good for digestion so I merged them (¯▿¯)

[ VICTOR ]

It isn’t the first time you’ve seen such things.

Ever since your relationship with Victor was disclosed to the public, negative comments on the Internet became a staple to your daily life.

They were all in unison, stating that you weren’t good enough for Victor. 

Victor - the young and promising CEO of Loveland Financial Group, the ideal man for innumerable women.

But he chose to be with a girl like you.

You - a producer from a small, unknown company. 

Because of you, the dreams of countless women were shattered.

Although Victor has already been doing what he can, such as dedicating a small team to control the harsh comments levelled against you, it’s natural that you’d feel stung by such comments. 

Am I really not suitable for Victor?

Why is Victor even with a girl like you?

“I’m back.”

Victor’s voice disrupts your train of thought.

You shake the lingering thoughts out of your head, then plaster a smile on your face to greet him.

“Welcome home.”

However, the moment your eyes flit to Victor’s shirt, your smile freezes in place.

There’s an obvious lipstick mark on it.

It’d be a lie to say that you aren’t upset.

Victor notices the slight change in your expression, immediately taking a step closer to you.

“What’s wrong?”

You push Victor’s outstretched hand away, then brush past him. 

“Nothing. I’m going over to Kiki’s house for a couple of days.”

Perhaps what they said wasn’t wrong, and you were not worthy to be with him.

Perhaps you never should have fallen for him.

-

It’s rare for you to look this dispirited. Immediately sensing that you’re out of sorts, he chases after you, embracing you in his arms.

“What’s wrong? Did things not go smoothly at work?”

He pauses before adding, “If it’s because of comments on the Internet, the legal team in LFG will handle them.

You shake your head, wriggling out of his grip weakly. “Those things are fine.”

Victor loosens his grip, but maintains his posture of hugging you, not letting you go completely.

“You didn’t get the limited-edition lipstick you wanted?”

The moment he brings up the word ‘lipstick’, the floodgates open.

“Let go of me! Since I’m not the only one who leaves lipstick marks on you, go look for other women!”

Victor knits his brows in response to the sudden accusation. “What are you talking about?”

You bite your lip, pointing at the mark on his shirt.

He lowers his head, eyes following your finger. When he releases a sigh, your heart grows several degrees colder. “So it’s because of this?”

Victor retrieves his phone from his pocket, then taps on a video in his photo gallery, showing it to you:

“Dummy, your lipstick got onto my shirt.”

“I did it on purpose! Victor, I want to tell the entire world that you’re my man, so you’re not allowed to wash it off!”

It’s a video of the last time you got drunk. The HD camera captured the scene clearly - the exact same shirt, the exact same location, the exact same lip mark.

He pokes your cheek.

“A certain someone forgot that she got her lipstick on me. And now she’s accusing me of being unfaithful?”

“I was wrong,” you mutter softly.

He sighs, taking you into his arms again. “Are you still leaving?”

You sniff, burying your head into his chest.

“I’m not leaving. Victor, I’m not leaving in this lifetime.”

[ GAVIN ]

It isn’t the first time you’ve seen the “belle of the police station”.

You always seem to bump into her whenever you’re on dates with Gavin.

Every single time she sees the two of you, she’d wear a surprised expression, as though it’s the first time such a “coincidence” has happened.

You never really suspected that there was anything going on between the both of them. 

But Gavin has been gone for far too long on this mission. You haven’t seen him in a month, and haven’t received any calls from him.

Gripping your phone, you’re filled with worry, anxiety, and fear. You have a bad feeling about this whole situation, but decide to try calling him one more time.

Unexpectedly, Gavin picks up.

“Gavin! How are you doing?”

 “I’m now...”

“Gav! I’m here!”

A woman’s shrill voice can be distinctly heard at the other end of the line, and you find yourself no longer registering what Gavin is saying.

It’s the belle of the police station.

And everything clicks. 

You understand why Gavin hasn’t contacted you even after such a long time.

“Gav~ Come over and play!”

“It’s all right, Gavin. You’re busy.” 

You hang up.

A wave of disappointment overwhelms you, and you huddle into a ball before letting the floodgates open.

It’s really upsetting. It’s really, really upsetting.

You never expected Gavin to do such a thing.

You never expected that he would ever leave you.

You thought loving a person meant loving them for an entire lifetime.

But you forgot that life consists of countless variables.

Perhaps you and Gavin were never meant to walk down the same path.

Perhaps the both of you were simply meant to meet for a moment, love for an instant, then continue down separate paths.

-

Gavin stands in the STF command room, his brows furrowed as he stares at the phone, the officer in front of him silent.

Eli looks at the belle of the police station sternly. “Xiao Liu, what’s the meaning of this? Didn’t you know the Commander was in a call with his wife?”

Xiao Lu shrugs. “Sis-in-law isn’t so petty, right? If it were me, I would definitely not keep Gavin on such a tight leash.”

"Shut up.”

It’s rare for Gavin to exude the dignified air of a Commander in front of his subordinates.

“Intern officer Xiao Liu. Given your ranking, it’s inappropriate to address me by name.” While speaking, he rifles through a stack of papers on the table, retrieving a particular report.

Without a moment of hesitation, he writes a “fail” on her assessment results. Gavin slams the completed report on the table, glowering at her.

“Disrespecting your superior, slow-moving, not heeding orders - I can come to a conclusion right now. You’re not suited to be a part of STF. Return to where you came from.”

With tears in her eyes, Xiao Lu strides out of STF.

When Gavin returns home, his girl behaves the same way as always whenever she feels hurt - cocooning herself in blankets, as though she doesn’t have a sense of security at all. Seeing you like this, Gavin feels a tightening in his chest.

He gently peels open your protective cover.

“Hey, I’m back.”

As expected, your eyes are red and swollen.

You shove him away violently, reminiscent of an injured animal - weak, yet stubborn.

Gavin draws you into his arms unyieldingly, not giving you a chance to escape. Distressed, he plants feather-like kisses on your swollen eyes.

“I did not.”

These three words are simple and plain, but sufficient to convince.

You understand what he means, but you can’t help being unreasonable. “She’s always around. This isn’t the first time.”

“I’ve never cared about her whereabouts. If she didn’t participate in this mission as an intern, I wouldn’t even remember what she looks like.”

Gavin is honest, and he states undebatable truths.

You let out a “hmph.”

“She even called you ‘Gav’!”

“I told her to return to where she came from.” Gavin holds you even more tightly, lowering his head to the crook of your neck so he can drink in his favourite scent.

"You’re being so fierce towards me even though we’ve been apart for so long. Should I do something to make up for it?”

[ LUCIEN ]

You wonder if you should just run away right now.

Standing at the door of Lucien’s office, you watch as a girl leans incredibly close to him.

From this angle, there’s virtually no difference from them kissing.

Words spill from the girl’s parted lips.

“Lulu, you like me too, don’t you?” 

So the pet name wasn’t exclusively used by you.

When did Lucien start losing interest in you?

It makes sense though. You can’t match up to anyone in Lucien’s Research Centre. Everyone here is a scientist who has high intellect and stellar academic qualifications. 

And you? You’re just a producer from a small company.

It’s an almost laughable notion that Lucien would like you.

“Lulu, be with me, okay?”

That girl’s voice carries with it the shyness of one who is confessing her love for the first time. You watch as Lucien stands up from his chair, preparing to respond.

“You’re a good woman.”

“Lulu, I just knew you’d agree!”

You can’t bear to listen for even a second longer.

And you start regretting picking up the phone call.

Maybe if you weren’t so curious, you wouldn’t have to witness this, and you could pretend that nothing happened today,

But you came, and you saw what happened.

You can’t tell yourself that nothing did.

Perhaps you aren’t the best partner for Lucien.

Perhaps you aren’t his only butterfly.

-

Eyes wet with tears, you can barely make out the figures of Lucien or the girl through your blurry vision.

You don’t dare to stay behind and listen to Lucien’s answer, afraid to hear an agreement from his lips. But your legs seem to be filled with lead, forcing you to fully appreciate the scene as it unfolds before you.

Lucien takes a step back to put some distance between himself and the girl. His voice is even more firm than usual.

“You’re a very good woman, but it doesn’t mean that I’ve agreed, nor does it mean that I like you.”

You stop breathing.

“First, I need to correct the way you address me. Given your position, you should be calling me ‘Professor Lucien’.” His clear voice carries with it irrefutable authority.

“Also, I already have a family, and I love my wife very much.” Lucien pauses, a look of longing surfacing on his face. “Just like how the painter only has eyes for the butterfly, she is the only colour in my eyes.

He vaguely notices that the girl before him is tearing up. “To me, you’re no different from the other students. Now, please leave my office.”

He walks to the door and pulls it open. Unable to hide in time, he spots you. Although he’s mildly stunned, he quickly recovers, voice gentle.

“Why are you here?”

“I received a call.”

Considering the tacit understanding between the both of you, Lucien guesses what happened. He directs a stern gaze towards the student in the room, and speaks mercilessly. “Maybe I should have a discussion with the Dean regarding whether a particular student should be allowed to stay.”

He takes your hand in his, lacing your fingers together. Leading you into the office, he lets you sit on his chair, then faces the student.

“Get out of my sight immediately.”

[ KIRO ]

How did things become like this? 

You’re lost in thought, staring at the screen which displays a picture of Kiro at a celebrity dance party.

The funny thing is, the comments left are unanimously supportive.

“A talented man and a beautiful woman - they’re just so compatible!”

What about you? What can you do as Kiro’s girlfriend?

Returning to your own social media page, you’re met with unanimous scathing, humiliating remarks.

Some assert that you snagged Kiro simply because of luck.

Some commented that your subpar looks don’t make you a good match for Kiro.

A small group of fans support your relationship with him.

To be honest, these things didn’t bother you. What you cared about was Kiro.

As long as he loves you, nothing else matters.

But now, it seems like things are going the way you expected them to.

Kiro told you that he was out of the country to film for a movie. Yet, he has been photographed at a celebrity dance party, sparking rumours as a result.

Marketing immediately used this chance to pair the two celebrities together, completely disregarding the existence of you, Kiro’s girlfriend. 

It makes sense though. As a normal citizen, what kind of hot news can you stir?

Why should you be a party to this mismatched love?

Perhaps he’s suited for someone better.

Perhaps being with him is simply an incredibly beautiful dream.

There will inevitably come a day when one has to wake up from a dream.

It’s time for you to wake up.

-

The television is off, and your electronic devices are placed as far away from you as possible. The door to the house is locked, and it’s even bolted with an anti-theft chain that you’ve never used before. All the photo frames featuring the two of you are placed face-down.

You don’t want to hear about anything related to Kiro. All you want is to live in a tiny, empty world belonging only to you.

After calling you for the eighth time only to be notified that your phone has been turned off, Kiro has a bad feeling in his gut.

Savin thrusts a laptop into Kiro’s lap. “Look at what’s trending on the Internet.”

Puzzled, Kiro stares at the screen. The more he scrolls through the pages, the more his eyes darken, and his golden hair faintly turns a shade paler.

“Savin, arrange for a press conference immediately!” Right now!” Kiro whips out his phone, calling you once more. “Miss Chips, please pick up.”

“I’m sorry, the person you are calling is currently unavailable...” The cold, mechanical female voice drones on.

Kiro takes out his notebook laptop, checking the surveillance feed of the house. He sees that you’re seated on the bed, staring out the windows in a trance. Fingers flying across the keyboard, he hacks into the control system, connecting his webcam to the television.

In an instant, his frantic face appears on the television screen.

The sudden lighting up of the television gives you a fright. Seeing Kiro’s face, you feel the burning sensation in your eyes returning.

Miss Chips, don’t believe the fake information on the Internet. I...”

“Kiro, the press conference is ready!”

Savin’s work efficiency is as stellar as always.

“I’ll have to trouble you to hold this laptop.” He turns towards the screen again. “Miss Chips, watch this. Don’t leave, and don’t be upset. I’ll be back soon”

-

“Aside from collaboration for work purposes, I have absolutely no personal relations with her. As for the false rumours on the Internet, my legal team will officially take action, and will also protect my fiancé’s reputation.”

Fiancé? He hasn’t even proposed.

“Also, in front of everyone on the Internet, I wish to propose to my Miss Chips.” Kiro walks in front of the press conference table, taking out a ring he has prepared since a long time ago.

He kneels down on one knee in front of the laptop Savin is holding.

“Miss Chips, will you marry me?”

-

[Cheri’s intrusive thought: I’m imagining how everyone at the press conference would be seeing this LOL]

[ SHAW ]

Unsurprisingly, Shaw’s in Live House.

He hasn’t contacted you for a whole week.

So you’ve been camping in Live House for a week.

It’s been an interesting few days, and you’ve noticed the same girl appearing at his side.

She’s very beautiful, and exudes a certain maturity. As compared to her, you’re clearly inferior.

So why did Shaw pick you instead of her?

Or rather - were you simply a second choice, and will soon be replaced since the true owner of his heart has returned?

The thoughts in your heart spiral into increasingly dangerous waters. 

But the more you think about it, the more you find it plausible.

Shaw seems different when he’s interacting with her. He’s more careful with his tongue, and tends to have a serious expression on his face.

Perhaps he doesn’t show that side of him to just anyone - not even you.

Could this be a sign that he doesn’t love you as much as you think he does?

You’ve gone through a heartbreaking love before, but didn’t expect to experience it again.

Perhaps a sweet romance is unattainable for you.

Perhaps some people have never belonged to you.

-

With a heavy heart, you plan to leave Live House, not wanting to face a break up. Doing it over the phone would be better - he wouldn’t know whether or not you’re crying.

You definitely have to be the one to initiate the breakup. Even if it upsets you, you have to retain your final shred of dignity.

Head lowered as you walk through the entranceway, you bump into Adam, who is just about to enter. Losing your balance, you support yourself on the door frame.

“Eh? Sister? Are you looking for Shaw?” Shock is written all over Adam’s face. “Shaw’s been busy lately.”

You cast a glance inside, but you can no longer see the Shaw nor the woman.

“Mm, I know.”

They probably went into the room. The rehearsal room that you rarely visit...

Completely oblivious to how strange your behaviour is, Adam leads you over to the rehearsal room enthusiastically.

You pause in your steps, keeping your voice calm. “Is it really appropriate for me to enter? Won’t I be disturbing them?

Adam laughs. “No way. Sister, you can just sit at the side and watch without saying anything. They don’t get disturbed easily.”

“I’d better not. I should go.” You decide to retreat, not wanting to hear their sweet nothings, afraid to see how meticulous Shaw is with that woman.

Just as you turn, the door opens.

Shaw stands at the entranceway. “What are you doing here?”

That’s right - you shouldn’t have come.

“I’m off.”

You direct this at Adam, not even giving Shaw a glance.

The woman seems impatient, rushing him to return. “Shaw, why aren’t you back yet?”

“Forget it, you should continue with what you were doing.”

Despite what you just said, Shaw pulls you into the rehearsal room.

Initially expecting that you’d be catching them in a romantic rendezvous, you’re instead met by a table filled with messy clumps of clay.

You stare at the somewhat cylindrical shaped object on the table.

“...this is?”

Before Shaw speaks, the woman pipes up. “Are you Shaw’s girlfriend? I’m the teacher in charge of Ceramic Art Design in Loveland University, and also the wife of his teacher.”

The female teacher turns to Shaw. “He promised that if I were to teach him pottery, he’d not be late for school, or leave early.”

The truth is out.

Your cheeks redden, and you hastily greet her. Then, you sneak a peek at Shaw.

“Why did you bring her here!? I worked so hard to hide for a week, and now it’s all ruined!” He balls his hands into fists and looks like he’s about to beat Adam into a pulp.

“Calm down. Isn’t it good enough for Sister to know that you’re preparing a gift for her?” Adam chuckles.

Shaw’s eyes flit to yours, then he averts them. “Tch, it’s none of your business!?”

A laugh escapes you. 

He really isn’t cute at all.

--

More translated and original works: here

–

[ Permission to translate ]

君兮耶君兮: You can - just note the source of the author

[the-awkward-outlaw]

“ I read your diary. ” or rather journal, when he was sleeping or while he was taking a bath in a secluded area and left his satchel wide open for grabs.

This one’s so damn fluffy, I’m gonna die! It’s also one of those ones that easily could lead to a really smutty scene, but maybe I’ll leave that for another time 👀

Read all my works on AO3

(Maybe if I’m bored enough and actually have some damn time, I’ll make a masterlist on Tumblr) 

Flat Iron Lake gleams orange and blue in the midday sun, flies collecting in swarms hover above the water, begging to be eaten by a hungry fish. You stand on the pier, pole in your hand, hoping to fool one of those fish to take your lure instead of a real insect. So far, you’re having good luck, despite the hot sun above. You know from experience that fishing at any time other than dawn and dusk is spotty, but the fish around this area of the lake seem to always be biting, which is lucky. It saves everyone from having to go far to get meat. 

You love fishing, always have. You’re not the biggest fan of the taste of fish, though you will eat it. You enjoy the act of catching them, though. Fishing forces time to slow down, allows you to just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet, and then there’s the chance that something exciting will happen. Not only that, but the scenery is beautiful. 

As you stand, waiting for something to grab your lure, you hear footsteps on the shore. You turn and see Arthur, his hands on his hips. He smiles at you a bit, but doesn’t say anything. You return it and then go back to watching your bait, feeling a bit self conscious. Although you’re the newest member of the gang, having only been with them a couple of months, you’ve quickly grown fond of Arthur. You like most people in camp (aside from Micah), but Arthur was the one you took to. He’s handsome, smart (though he denies it), funny, loyal and sweet. He thinks he’s nothing more than a big dumb brute capable of nothing but violence, but you’ve seen the side of him that proves him wrong. You saw him give Tilly a necklace a few days ago, he got a book for Jack, and you’ve seen him playing fetch with the newest member, a dog named Cain. You’ve also seen him many times sitting on his cot or at the base of a tree, scribbling away in his journal. 

You’ve wondered many times if Arthur feels anything for you too, but you’re too nervous to ask. You won’t ask the others if he’s mentioned you at all, afraid it’ll clue them in to your crush. You wish, more than anything, that you could get a glimpse in his journal. 

You glance behind you again and spot Arthur sitting at the base of a tree not too far from the pier. His journal’s in his lap and he seems to be writing, or maybe he’s drawing. You wonder if he’s any good. You’ve tried your own hand at drawing with little success. You can barely draw a stick figure. 

You go back to fishing, wishing you could at least gather the courage to go and talk to him. You’ve wanted nothing more than to do that. He helped teach you how to shoot a gun after you first joined, and how to shoot a bow. It was through him that you learned how to hunt and fish, and you overheard him a few days ago talking to Dutch about teaching you how to rob people. You just wish you could talk to him about anything that didn’t involve you learning how to pull your weight in the gang. It’s doubtful that he has any interest in you though, even in an innocent, friendly manner. You sigh, wishing things were different. 

An hour passes and you decide you’re done fishing. You have a decent collection of fish to give to Pearson, he’ll be happy at least. You collapse your pole and begin walking down the pier when you see Arthur, still sat at the foot of the tree, his hat tipped over his eyes. He seems to be sleeping, but next to him is his journal, lying open and just begging to be read. 

You approach him quietly. You really shouldn’t be trying to read his journal, it’d be an invasion of his privacy. Still, you can’t help but be curious. You get a bit closer, waiting for him to stir, but he doesn’t. You quietly set down your bucket of fish and kneel down, picking up his journal. You check on him again, but he still hasn’t moved. You can tell by his slow, heavy breathing that he’s out. 

The first thing you see when looking at the open page of his journal is a sketch. Undeniably, it’s you, fishing on the pier. The sketch extends across both pages. The drawing is beautiful, simple yet detailed. You had no idea he could draw this well. You flip to the previous page and see sketches of a horse (undeniably his own), a husky and a duck. The duck is really no more than an outline, but it’s endearing. The husky is incredibly detailed, its tongue dangling from its panting mouth. You love the detail of the fur, you can tell exactly what color it is based purely on how he’s shaded it. You flip to the next previous page and are startled by an extremely detailed drawing of your face. On the page next to it is a passage he’s written. You study the beautiful, looping words. His writing is gorgeous. You begin to read it. 

“Took Y/N out hunting today. She’s got a natural talent for it, considering she’s only been doing it a few months. If only things were simpler, life wasn’t such a mess, I might ask her to be my girl. Yet damn you, Mary! Y/N ain’t nothing like Mary. She’s sweet, she don’t hold people’s past over their heads or play games with ‘em. When I’m alone with her, I feel like the luckiest man and the biggest fool. If she’s smart, she’ll stay away from me.” 

Your stomach does a backflip. Has he really thought about asking you to be his girlfriend? No way, no way could Arthur, the Arthur Morgan, be interested in you! You’re just a simple girl who grew up on a farm until a few months back when it was burned to the ground, killing everyone inside. You were in the barn when it got destroyed by a group of drunk O’Driscolls. It was only a couple weeks after that you were brought in by Arthur, who found you begging on the trail in the middle of nowhere. 

You flip through more of his journal, reading about how he hopes never to get on Sadie Adler’s bad side (you agree with him), how he detests doing jobs for Strauss. You’re glad he never went to collect that debt from that Downes fellow a few weeks ago. You’d heard rumors he was incredibly sick and you passed that information onto Arthur, who decided it wasn’t worth the risk and just absolved the debt. Still though, he’s doing a few other collections. 

You go on to read about some of the people he’s met, including a blind man who seemed almost like a prophet, a photographer who seemed to be trying to get himself eaten by some wild animal, and a crazy woman touting about dinosaurs. So many of these entries are accompanied with drawing, each one detailed to the point you feel you could touch them. 

Every few pages, he seems to mention you, whether it’s just taking you out somewhere to teach you a new skill, or about how you’ve surprised him with one of your own visions of the world. One in particular stands out to you. It’s accompanied by a sketch of you just standing there, drinking a mug of coffee. The passage itself started off with him talking about one of his debt collections from a woman named Lily Millet. 

“This world is an ugly one, I see it everyday. I see it in the things I do to people, the way they look at me. But Y/N seems to see the beauty of it. Whenever I’m with her, she sees light and color where I would see only violence and horror. The more I’m with her, the more I see the beauty too. If I were smarter, I’d spare her the misfortune of my own company, yet I find hers euphoric. If I weren’t such a coward, I’d ask her on a proper outing. John keeps saying she’s sweet on me, but Marston wouldn’t know the first thing about women. How the hell he ended up having a kid with Abigail is beyond me.” 

You giggle at the last line and then your heart drops when you hear Arthur begin to stir. You quickly flip to the page it was on and throw it on the ground. Unfortunately, it lands a solid foot from where you picked it up and in a different position. You just hope he doesn’t remember those details as you stand up and take several feet back. 

He tilts his hat up, notices you trying to walk away in such a manner that screams you’re guilty of something. He looks down at his journal and notices right away that it’s been moved. He connects your guilty smile and knows instantly that you at least looked at the sketch. Before he can say anything to you, you dart off into the middle of camp to give your fish to Pearson and where he won’t confront you. 

During the rest of the day, you find any excuse you can to stay away from Arthur, positive he’s furious that you invaded his privacy like that. You’d be mad had it been you, and you’re sure he’d like nothing more than to tell you off. However, you often catch him staring at you, but not in anger or disappointment. His eyes say he’s curious, and he doesn’t seem to be pursuing you to get you alone, though he does try to approach you often. You always come up with an excuse or pick up a conversation with the closest person so he can’t confront you. 

After the sun’s set, your luck runs out. Arthur left a few hours ago and you figured he’d be gone the rest of the night. You decided it was safe to go stand at the shores of the lake and look at the stars. You didn’t even hear him approach until he was standing right next to you, a beer bottle in each hand. 

“So,” he said, making you jump. You flushed when you saw him standing so close to you, but then he handed you one of the bottles. You thanked him quietly and looked away. You didn’t see the soft smile he wore. “Enjoy readin’ my journal?” he asks, sipping his beer as he stares off across the lake. 

You sigh. “I’m sorry, Mr. Morgan. It was wrong of me. I understand why you’re upset.” 

He chuckles softly. “Ah, it’s a’right. I ain’t exactly innocent in that myself. Guess I earned it, to be honest.” 

“What do you mean?” 

He rubs his neck nervously. “I, uh, I read your diary too once. It was on your bedroll and I guess Grimshaw snatched you up while you was writin’. I was just passin’ by and saw it, couldn’t help myself.” 

You blush even more. Shit, shit shit! You wrote in there shortly after getting the damn thing that you have a massive crush on Arthur, it’s pretty much a guarantee that he saw it. 

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Morgan,” you say, closing your eyes. 

“For what?” he says, shocked. 

“That you had to read that. I’m… I’m such an idiot and I’m sure it’s the last thing you wanted to know about me. I completely understand if you don’t want to teach me anything else.” 

He turns to face you. He nervously reaches up a hand to tilt your head up to look at him. “Y/N, I know you read my journal. Pretty far back too, I’d guess. If you actually read it, you’d know I’ve… well, I’ve held somethin’ for you too.” 

You smile and take his hand into yours. “I don’t know why you would. I’m nothin’ special.” 

“Maybe you don’t see yourself the way I do.” 

You look up at him again. His face is inches from yours and his eyes dart down to your lips before going back to your eyes again. Is he thinking the same as you? Right now, you’d like nothing more than to kiss him. You start leaning up, you can feel the heat radiating from him. He moves closer, his free hand sliding over your back. Your lips are centimeters from touching. 

“Mr. Morgan, we are in the shit again. Deep in the shit!” the gravelly voice of Reverend Swanson washes over you again. He stumbles over, his eyes bloodshot. Arthur leans away and lets you go, making you let out a soft groan. 

“You got quite a way with words there, Mr. Swanson,” Arthur replies. 

“Words are the least of my problems, Mr. Morgan.” He stammers for a moment, almost as though he’s seeing something you can’t. His eyes refocus on you both standing inches apart, looking irritated. “But I wanted you both to know that you are children of God! Children of God.” He starts mumbling to himself, almost singing.

You chuckle. “That’s sweet, Reverend, but I stopped believing in God a long time ago.” 

“But he has never stopped believing in you,” Swanson says, then he stumbles off. 

Arthur lets out a long sigh and hangs his head so his hat covers his eyes. His cheeks are slightly pink. “Sorry for that interruption, Y/N.” 

“That’s okay, ain’t like we could stop him,” you say. You want to ask him to try that kiss again, but you just can’t manage to get the words out. He’s thinking the same thing, but like you, he’s too embarrassed to ask. Instead, his hand slowly wraps around yours. You look down at your entwined hands and then back up to him and smile. Encouraged by this, he lets your hand go and both of his slide over your back, pulling you close to him. Yours go up to settle on his shoulders. 

Before anyone else has the chance to ruin the moment again, Arthur dips down and presses his lips to yours. His are slightly chapped, but they’re warm. You’ve only imagined kissing him a hundred times, but you didn’t ever do him justice in those daydreams. You move your lips with his, your hand winding behind his neck to pull him even closer. His arms grip you tight, pressing your body against his. Your heart’s pounding in your chest. Something in your chest purrs as he deepens the kiss. Oh, how you’ve wanted this, wanted him. All those moments you spent alone with him, you wanted to kiss him exactly like this. 

After several moments of you studying his lips, he breaks it, his breath leaving in quick bursts. He smiles at you and cups your cheek, his thumb tracing your cheek bone. 

“I hope that was okay,” he says softly. 

“More than okay,” you say and you kiss him again. This one is short and brief, but just as sweet as the previous. You lay your head on his shoulder, your forehead pressed against his neck. His arms embrace you protectively and his heart hammers into your ear. You stare off across the silvery waters of the lake, content in this moment. You want it never to end. 

There’s no way you could know that Arthur, for the first time in a long time, finally thinks he may actually be a somewhat decent man if someone as sweet and good as you chooses to nestle in his arms like this. He kisses the top of your head, wishing he could tell you how grateful and how in awe he is. Perhaps he’ll have to write it in his journal and leave it somewhere that you’ll find it again.

[astrologysvt]

Wonwoo’s Ideal Type - Natal Chart Reading

For ideal types, I’m not going to be doing specific placements of their ideal partner. Instead, I’m gonna be listing personality traits I think would mesh well with them, as well as focus on their needs and the kind of person who could meet them. what this reading cannot account for is the compromising the members would do on their end for their s/o. so just keep in mind this is only half of the whole picture! 

honestly, based solely on his chart, i imagine wonwoo’s type to be EXACTLY the opposite as how he appears.

someone fun, bright, talkative.

i could even see him with someone who is a bit flashy, as his leo moon and mercury would like to be with someone he can show off and be proud of.

someone who’s a great listener and great conversationalist.

you can’t tell me with all that leo and gemini that wonwoo isn’t talkative, energetic, and excitable.

not only would he want someone he can joke around with and talk with for hours, his leo placements need a great deal of validation and would be outraged if his significant other were to gloss over what he has to say.

not to mention his cancer sun wouldn’t take well if he felt his feelings weren’t being taken into account.

his moon is trine saturn which is a great aspect for emotional control and responsibility.

so he may also want to see a mirrored kind of tact in his partner, while also wanting someone who can help him let loose once in awhile.

just someone really fun to be around, ready to challenge him, but also incredibly reliable.

his cancer sun makes him a homebody — he loves comfort and security and would definitely be one for lazy dates where ya’ll do nothing and just chill.

his leo placements also play into his love with being lazy and luxuriating and being comfortable so someone who is an ultra-extrovert who only wants to go out may not vibe with him as he’s in constant need of places/periods of rest, security, comfort in order for him to be that fun, playful person he wants to be. 

cancer suns get crabby (please don’t acknowledge the word choice) when they feel like they’re being pushed out of their comfort zones against their wishes, so his s/o should be able to help him balance his need for that comfort and his want for excitement. 

it goes both ways, where if his s/o only wanted to hang out at home and play video games he’d eventually feel his life/relationship was getting stale. 

someone loyal.

anyone with a strong leo influence doesn’t take to commitment lightly.

they are highly attracted to individuals who are just as committed and loyal in life as they are. 

and with a leo moon, wonwoo would very unlikely feel comfortable being in an intimate relationship with someone who he felt was flighty (even if, solely to him, they appeared loyal.)

ironically, however, he has both venus and mars in gemini which can notoriously make him pretty flighty himself. 

this is obviously toned down a great deal due to his leo placements, but independence will certainly be an important value to maintain in his relationships as these placements don’t like feeling restrained.

he may also be very hard to pin down, although I don’t necessarily like thinking of gemini placements as “flighty” as in unreliable and self-serving, but rather as having very active minds that need to be both entertained and reeled in every once in awhile.

so his leo placements may make him acknowledge his commitment and loyalty, but if certain conditions and understandings aren’t met, then he may end up growing insecure in the relationship.

not to mention a gemini venus and mars will literally REVOLT if they feel as though they don’t have options.

so it’s important that you take things at a gentle bace and do check-ins, allow him to come to his own conclusions without added pressure and this should be easy for someone who similarly values independence.

he needs to feel confident that he has autonomy over his actions.

with gemini placements, if you don’t reaffirm to them that their opinions matter and that the choice is equally their’s, they will FIND and MAKE options for themselves.

like they may very well be happy with the circumstances they’re in, but a lack of wiggle room will make them start to resent it.

so it’d definitely be important that he’s with someone who understands that and reaffirms that they’ll be there for him as he does his own thing, and that it is a happy partnership more than a kind of contract.

someone affectionate.

leo placements love affection and attention, and his venus conjuct mars creates a strong connection between the romantic/intellectual and the passionate/physical.

meaning that, while he may have a strong desire for communication and strong intellectual connection thanks to his gemini placements, he will also equally need a strong physical connection and understanding with his partner.

i think it’s a very cute placement to have. 

venus softens the aggressive mars and creates a very nice free flow between the passionate and the tender. softens the barriers between the emotional, physical, and intellectual -- meaning, he can freely express and accept love in a multitude of ways.

he’s really and honestly a really tender and loving partner.

inversely, he’d be very good and accommodating to someone who struggles to express themselves in either which way. 

so if his s/o can’t say it in so many words, he’ll be able to understand and acknowledge their attempts at communicating to him through affection and body language.

this aspect is also super interesting because it blurs the lines between femininity and masculinity. and, in astrology, when I talk about “femininity” and “masculinity” I don’t mean gender, I mean energies solely.

since we’re all a mixture of different energies and situations activate certain aspects of ourselves differently, this placement in particular could mean he could take up either “role” within a relationship.

i know this sounds mad problematic but thing of it more as ying and yang.

certainly that could mean he could be either the super soft and nurturing presence that’s more “feminine” or ying, or the more assertive “male” yang presence.

but instead of thinking of it as a light switch where he can only be either or at a given time. i see it more as he’d feel most comfortable in a relationship where both him and his partner offer each other both energies freely. 

(as, honestly, most relationships should. he’s just REAL good at it).

there is an inherent understanding within him in how to bring a sense of passion/stability to his relationships as well as the softer/romantic/lighter parts of it as well. 

his gemini placements love the chase and his leo placements want to be wooed.

so someone whose assertive and charming enough to try and woo him, but they should also be intelligent, clever, and deep-thinking enough to keep his interest once the initial spark has dissipated. 

there is a part of him that 100% is very hard to read, pin down, and satisfy.

with his sun, moon, and mercury opposite uranus, he will often feel a strong desire for freedom, eccentricity, and uniqueness to the point it may cause him to feel restless if these things are threatened.

his s/o should be patient, and willing to allow for a great deal of freedom in the case these placements act out.

not only that but they should be open-minded individuals from the get-go.

someone too concerned with meeting norms, or someone who is unaccepting of people’s eccentricities and different walks of life would definitely leave a negative impression on him.

his moon is sextile venus which is adorable 🥺

having the moon (comfort and security) in soft aspect to venus (love, friendship, and pleasure) means that he has a great deal of understanding for his emotions and their connection to his need for intimacy.

he is truly a very loving and soft boy.

this aspect would also make him just a very calming and endearing presence to have around.

he would definitely not do well in a relationship with someone who was overly cold, stoic, and serious (lmao, like how he appears sometimes).

but this aspect in particular craves emotional closeness, while his venus conjuct mars would crave both that and physical affection, and all of his leo and gemini placements would lose their minds being with someone who wasn’t reactive enough, not to mention his cancer sun would crave the security of a responsive s/o.

summary: soft, soft boy. handle with care and make him laugh.

i imagine his relationships would have a very long, very enjoyable honeymoon phase.

primarily because everything having to do with affection, intellectual connection, and playfulness is all very well aspected and comfortable for him. It’s once things get a bit more serious after the initial wooing and honeymoon phase that this chart starts to get challenged.

his s/o should be prepared for that, but also very well versed in communicating these things. if his s/o is someone who wants commitment and things like “i love you’s” “you’re the love of my life” to even marriage, they should be prepared to wait a little bit.

they shouldn’t be someone who gets anxious, paranoid, jealous, possessive, or upset because he isn’t ready to state his commitment in so many words.

of course, it’s natural to be a little disappointed. but in the mean time, it’d truly help for them to continue to enjoy the aspects of the relationship that come easy to him as they are still very important things to maintain regardless how serious the relationship is.

and truly, the key to ensuring that he doesn’t get overwhelmed and restless in a relationship while also making him feel comfortable enough to say and feel those things sooner, is in maintaining this light and free dynamic. 

his gemini placements will give his more committed and attached tendencies through his cancer and leo the thumbs up to do their thing, once he feels he’s positioned in a place with his s/o where he doesn’t fear that they’ll hold onto him tighter if he tries to express independence. 

they should just have fun, enjoy each other’s company whether they’re talking, playing a game, or just sitting around doing their own thing and breathing each other’s air.

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 8: The withering flower (Part 4)

Warnings: none

Author notes: a small, transitional part!

The place I woke up in was unfamiliar. The walls were white, as well as the sheets of the bed and the curtains. I believed I was in an infirmary when my nose smelled the peculiar scent of medications. Although my body felt numb, I found a way to sit up onto the rather comfortable mattress and touched my chest around the area that had been wounded by Rashōmon. Nothing. Not only did it not hurt, but there was no trace of stitches at all. Curious, I raised the hem of the yukata I was wearing, only to discover there was nothing left of the wound. No scar, even. I marvelled, deducing I had been healed by an incredible ability, and pushed the blanket away to stand up. As much as I was grateful for the person who had taken care of me, I still belonged to the underworld and I had to go back. Unlike Dazai, if I were to run away from the Port Mafia, people would be sent to kill me and protect their secrets. A disposable pawn did not need to stay alive in case it would come back, after all... It was already enough for me, that this person had kept me alive because he was a tad concerned... I could not ask for more.

My damaged clothes had been replaced and set onto a kind of nightstand next to the bed. As I removed my yukata, however, I noticed that only the last wound had been erased. Ancient scars, burns, traces of my struggle in a torture room, even the recent injury caused by the knife, were all there. I stared at them and followed them with my fingers. Even the best ability could not get rid of those gruesome proofs that I belonged to an underground organisation… Before being a woman, I was a mafioso. Even so, I really did want to express my thanks for being saved, but I did not even know if the person was still around... I wondered if I could leave a message... There seemed to be paper and a pen on the desk in the corner, I would write something after getting changed.

"Already awake...?" Someone opened the door, fortunately when I was done.

I jumped slightly, but smiled when I saw Dazai.

"Yes... I've slept a lot, haven't I...? This is already a new morning..."

"You needed some rest..." He looked away a moment "But that's my fault for leaving you..."

"Let's not talk about this anymore." I suggested "I understand that you needed to be discreet... I understand that things did not go along your plans as well."

"As I said..." He sighed "I wanted to ensure I would find another occupation once I left the Port Mafia... I did not want you to wander with me..."

"I understand too."

"... You're still upset..." He noted.

"Well... It's not upset... I'm just disappointed that you did not believe I could bear two years of insecurity... Honestly, I would rather follow you in depravity than losing my life far from you..." I admitted "But... I suppose you did not trust that I could stay by your side despite anything..."

"I'm sorry I did, indeed, not believe in your promise. But now, you can —"

"I will choose myself to renew this promise." I shook my head "For now, I cannot stay with you... I have to go back there."

"They will end up killing you... You'll die by your ability..."

"You, yourself, were going to kill me by being away from me..." I reminded him "I need to think..."

"Is there a chance I do not lose you, too...? Is there a chance the person I regretfully left behind will come back to my side once again...?" He asked, taking my left hand into his.

"I need to think..." I repeated "But... It'd bring me joy to see you again, sometimes..."

"Promise me we'll meet again before you... You know..." He squeezed my hand.

"I..." I lowered my eyes before sighing "That, I can promise..."

"Thank you..." Dazai cracked a smile, letting go of me.

"Then... I'll see you around..." I smiled back, opening the window to sneak out of the building.

[jawllines]

This is just a little bit of what you could be reading on patreon :D (only if you’d like)

_______________________________________________

Harry had never been more pleased with a decision before in his life. 

He had bed Y/N plenty of times since their first in the hot spring, and each time he’s is completely thrown and enamored by her body. Harry is not sure what it is about her that not only gets him incredibly hard but threatens to have him spill his seed far too soon. She’s soft and warm and malleable beneath his hands; any position he could think to put her in she goes easy, the bendy little thing, and the lewdness she is able to exude with merely a bat of her lashes makes him shudder. The only problem he has is that he is unable to ravish her throughout the entire day, as she does have duties she must perform and would get in trouble had she not been performing them -- but some days he’s able to coax her to stay within his room. Promises her the warmth of his fire and the flat of his tongue against her swollen button in the morning before she must attend her scheduled cleanings. 

No matter the times he tells her does she come to him when she is wanting. The way she falls apart, milking his cock and holding tightly to his shoulders, murmuring how badly she’d wanted him. “Why didn’t you come to me then, hmm Sweetheart? Would’ve taken care of you.” She would merely tell him that she didn’t wish to bother him any, “You’re so busy, my Lord, I wish not to trouble you over my desires.” 

“It is no trouble at all,” he told her, before flipping her so she laid on her side, holding her ankles together and continued to fuck himself into her, “If I could spend all day inside this sweet little pussy, I would. She’s mine now, don’t you remember?” 

Though, he did have a bone to pick with her. As sweet as she usually is, the past few days she had been a grumpy little thing. He couldn’t quite place it but she just appeared out of sorts, not taking to his teasing well, or not returning the smiles he gives her when she’s aiding in serving their dinner. Harry is left to wonder if he’d done something wrong, or said something that might have moved her the wrong way. Or wonders if it’d just been a bad few days for her, but whatever it was he wouldn’t stand for not knowing.

So he calls her to his chambers after dinner and prepares himself to be disappointed. Was she unhappy with the arrangement? If there were anything he could do to fix this, he would do it in a second, because he certainly hasn’t had his fill of her and he is questionable to when that time may come that he will. However, if she were no longer enjoying it then he would not keep her and would encourage her to do as she pleases, no matter how much it may hurt him. 

He’d needed her desperately the last few days; his brother was to marry a princess from up North and Harry grew weary of the affairs that preceded it. The first few days there was still a nice little welt from where Harry had punched him for pushing him into the mud, yet he felt as if he had nobody to truly snicker about it with. Everyone adored his brother -- sometimes, it felt as if Y/N was the only one on his side, and while she doesn’t openly critique or criticize his brother aloud (though he would surely welcome it, he’s understanding of why she’d be wary to) he senses that she agrees to some extent. Anytime he would finish a sentence with, “You know what I mean?” She would nod adamantly, “I see why you are upset, my Lord. I wish to make it better in anyway I can.” 

Though it’s the same spoon fed line all servants use, Y/N’s sounds more earnest and is not spoken in fear they she may be punished. The source of his worries isn’t even her and yet she still works to make him feel better, whether that be fetching him chocolates, remaking his bed, or letting him inside that sweet little cunt. It makes him feel. . .well, rather important, which you would think he’d feel already given he was a son of the king but when you’re not the heir of the throne it’s safe to say that nobody much gave a shit what he was doing. 

He works to show her his fondness to her through all things, may that be with his head between her legs, feeding her fruits, sweets, and the fine bread that she so indulges in when given the opportunity, or even caressing her back and holding her closely, shushing her when she murmurs worries of sullying his bed if she lay with him through the night. Harry is unsure of what to do with the warmth in his chest that he feels for her, so he places it within those things and just hopes that she may understand. 

Now, however, he worries that his intentions might have been muddled. 

Thirty minutes past supper, there’s a gentle knock upon the door to which he hears her voice call through it gently, “It’s Y/N, my Lord.” He replied telling her to enter as he smoothed out the sheets atop his bed, hoping that if things went right they would end up in it later tonight. By the time he turns to face her, she’s standing with her fingers interlocked in front of her, hanging down near her waist and her head tilted down towards him respectfully. His brows tipped inward, as he’d told her several times not to bother with such a thing. 

He scales the room towards her, weaving his fingers around her wrist and pulling just slight enough that she’d catch the hint. Y/N moves with him easily, wordlessly, but despite this she doesn’t feel cold; still radiates an encompassing warmth that hugs around him in a tight, comforting embrace. This makes him feel a little better, as he motions for her to sit atop of the ottoman at the foot of his mattress. Harry -- in a nature unlike his own -- kneels down before her, and her eyes widen considerably. Never had a prince knelt at her feet, he knew, and it must be jarring to someone so used to doing the kneeling.The way her mouth falls agape, only reminding him of that soft plushy mouth that feels so lovely against his own and speaks words syrupy and smooth,a  honeyed voice that spirals through his head as he shuts his eyes to rest. 

“Y/N,” he begins, taking her hand in his own and grasping it firmly, “Do you feel tempered towards me? You may tell me the truth, I will not punish you if the answer is yes. I would just like to know so I can make things right,” he explains slowly, nodding his head along with his words, “I have missed you in my bed but you have seemed surfeited of me, so I have not called upon you at night. What have I done to make you sour?” 

“Never, my Lord, I would never think to --” she shakes her so adamantly, he thinks she might boggle her own mind, her face warped from the distress at the thought, “It was -- oh, I’ve wanted you so terribly in these last few days that I’ve so desperately wanted to touch between my thighs but I. . .I’m quite embarrassed.” 

He tuts his head, running the pad of his thumb over each rounded, bruised bump of her knuckles, “Nothing to be ashamed of within these walls. Tell me if you would like.”

Y/N is silent for a few more moments, before her sheepish gaze locks with his own, fingers tightening around his hand minutely but Harry was so hyper aware of her touch it might as well been a bone crushing grip. “Well, my. . .my blood has come and I had presumed you would not wish to bed me in such a state. By no means have you made me sour, I’ve just been so frustrated that I am unable to have you it has put me in a poor mood towards everyone. My apologies ring deep my Lord, for ever making you think otherwise.” 

[uninterestiing]

i liked your post on matteo taking his time to process things, so i'd love to know what your thoughts are on david being outed?

hhhhhhhhh well from what i’ve seen in the tag, i disagree with like 90% of youse and was gonna hold my thoughts till later… but since you asked… yeah i reckon its good writing actually.

(beware under the cut, this is long)

so disclaimers before people get big mad: i’ve actually been in the situation depicted. i’m a gay trans guy who came out in year 12 & to me, it’s extremely realistic. teachers in my last year of high school pulled me aside to say all kinds of nasty shit and the rumour of my transness spread around pretty fuckin quickly. it was a fucked time in my life but i didn’t have any issues watching the last clip, i enjoyed it and found it pretty relatable honestly, especially the teacher bit because its a really common thing trans kids go through to be harassed more by staff than students, but i’ve never actually seen it be depicted before… but i’ll also say, im really not easy to upset and almost impossible to offend when it comes to trans stuff. i work as an openly trans person in the media and my skin is very thick, 17 year old me who was experiencing it real-time would have probably been shaken up a bit.

that said, like i discussed in my other post about this, realism doesn’t automatically equal good storytelling! so what is good storytelling?

big subject obviously, but rn i’m gonna define it as a consistency of theme, tone, and character. (its also how well you tie all those things up at the end but i wont comment on that because… druck ain’t finished yet and we need to remember that!) plus, of course, it’s just… whether you like it? which is completely subjective, and something i can only comment on for myself!

so i think the main issue here is that people expect things from druck it never promised them, and from the very beginning was never going to be.

take the perspective issue for example, which effects tone & character immensely. i’ve seen numerous complaints that the show isn’t depicting the trans issues from an internal perspective. which is interesting, since from the very start, we’ve known that was the case. we knew it was matteo’s season, and we knew how very, very closely skam shows follow their protagonists. everything is from their perspective. so i knew it was never gonna be about trans issues from a trans perspective because david was not the main character, he’s the love interest. that was evident from day one ya’ll it’s how the show is structured. and that is Not Inherently A Bad Thing, it’s just not what some of you wanted.

however… druck has stretched the limits of perspective more than any other version. the texts, for instance, are not just the main’s, and do a lot for fleshing out the background characters. also (and this is thematically important) it showed the way outing / spreading of rumours actually happens irl. re-watching the last clip i noticed that they leave matteo’s POV for a second, and “switch” to david as he’s coming down the stairs, realising what’s happening. not so much as to break the consistency of the show’s structure, but enough to make the audience really understand the gravity of what’s happening. it’s done really fluidly and i thought it was a genius way to both keep it matteo’s story, but also, give that moment a much needed trans perspective, because i really don’t think all that ringing distortion sound was matteo’s panic. 

and really, i just don’t think a trans person needs to be the main character of the show for it to be good representation. i think they have done an exceptional job of not tokenizing david by making sure to establish his whole character & his relationship with matteo before his trans identity was confirmed on the show, in the exact same way they do with the other evens and their mental illnesses in every other version. and honestly, when it comes to trans men, there’s very little media stereotypes or negative tropes that they could have conformed to because there’s not enough representation yet for those to have actually formed. like, we know druck won’t kill david off, and i don’t really know any other tropes that exists for trans men in storytelling at the moment. a lot of the show is covering new ground subject wise, they don’t have a script to follow, so some minor blunders are to be expected.

over all, the fandom jumps the gun every damn time. the show decides to have conflict or deal with a social problem and everyone looses it, as if that’s not been the entire ethos of skam since the OG. skam / druck is a teen show that deals with identity issues. every season picks topics to educate on through the story, and they do it with a lot of care and research.that’s the whole deal, it’s why the show exists, fucking of course they aren’t going to brush over trans issues, it amazes me that people thought they would, and that there would be no conflict and it’d play out like fanfiction fluff. here’s another really good post about it.

so obviously, this season is about about being gay and being trans, but specifically about outing, and has stressed this theme all the way through, way more than any other version. so friday’s clip is what i’d call a natural culmination of theme and narrative. in terms of the queer experience, and the trans experience, i think it was a very good idea to take on coming out / outing as a central thematic and narrative through-line, because it’s one of the central things gay and trans people have in common. and then analyzing them both in comparison and contrast throughout the story, really works and makes for good fucking writing, pacing and - yup, you guessed it - consistency.

i find the choice to situate a trans man as the love interest, and therefore, an object of desire, incredibly subversive. and though yes, stories with trans protagonists are lacking, literally any form of story where trans people exist is lacking, and the creators of druck wanting to tell a story about what it means to love & be in a relationship with a trans person is just as important a story to tell as any other, and complaining about what “type” of trans story is more important to tell first, or which aspect of trans existence to highlight more, is ridiculous. at the end of the day, one story cannot cover everything, and the writers had to make choices as to where their focus would lie. and there’s literally nothing wrong with their specific choices in subject matter (being trans in the context of relationship & outing, mainly), other than personal preference.

so like i said in my previous post: wanting a comfort show where trans characters exist, but the trans experience is not plot-relevant, is fine & cool. i really want that too, but not here. getting angry or upset that druck did… exactly what skam shows do… is stupid. and then turning around and blaming your dislike, which is born out of judging a show by the wrong genre standards, on “bad writing”, is just plain wrong. this show is amazingly produced. just… c’mon guys. chill.

(also @ every weird cis person in the tag giving fuckin condolences & saying their askbox is open if someone needs to talk…… stop. literally nobody asked. its so weird. we didn’t put a call out for you to be upset on our behalf. its just a tv show. like its super important rep for us… but its also just a tv show that people can just not watch if its not your cup of tea.)

tl;dr the friday clip was fucking good and made sense because druck is well written, acted, researched and produced, is really not transphobic (in fact i’d say it’s pretty subversive), and it’s also not the creators fault when you’re disappointed by the direction taken in a show that was crystal clear what direction it was headed into!

[mlmdarkfiction]

Chapter 2 of “Oh, Where Have You Been, Billy Boy?”

You reflect on your first day at work, and return for your second day where you have your first one on one interaction with the infamous Billy Lenz.

Taglist: @datenightfright

Read on AO3

Read Below:

There’s not much you can do on your first day of work, but it’s hard to do so with the presence of Mrs.Macatay. Cleaning up the patients themselves isn’t your job, but if the other nurses aren’t going to…

You come home from your first day at the new job incredibly frustrated, but more invigorated in your purpose than before.

Sergei’s still at work by the time you return home, and so you take a nice bath, soaking in the warm water while you reflect over your day. The conditions in that place where appalling for such a facility. You just keep thinking back to when you saw Billy’s bloodied nails and scratches, and his disheveled hair. It was disgraceful. Billy was the patient who stood out in your mind, because of everyone he was in the worse condition. It reflected in Mrs.Macatay’s disdain for the man as well.

You’re determined that tomorrow you’ll spend your time in between organizing the nurses stations and shifts to clean up some of the patients. Haircuts, shavings, and making sure that any wounds they have are disinfected and cleaned.

Slinking into the warm water you think more about the past. When you’d gotten the job you hadn’t realized Billy Lenz was going to be a patient. Everyone knew about what had happened, and it caused fear in Universities across the country.

Even classmates of your own had been frightened, and then there were the copycats.

You sink further into the water.

It was a bad time for everyone. +

Suddenly you’re in High School again, a fresh faced seventeen year old fresh on hormones, and making your way through the best (and worst) years of your life.  

The calls had started around Homecoming. Mid September, the Thursday before a football game.

You heard the ringing of the landline from your room. You’d been relaxing, listening to the radio while sketching in your notebook instead of working on your essay paper. At first you weren’t bothered. There was only one phone in your home, and you think both your parents would beat you silly if you brought up the phone bill too high.

That’s why you’re surprised when your mom answering the phone, followed immediately by the sound of her calling your name.

Immediately your first thought is that you’re in trouble for something at school, although you have no idea what it could be for, and despite your anxiety you call back down.

“Yeah Mum?”

“Phone! Hurry up and get down here! It’s some kid from your school!”

Although your confusion only mounts, you’re down the stairs in a flash though, not wanting to get in trouble. More so, you don’t know why or how someone from your school would be calling you.

“Don’t take too long now,”

Your mother passes the phone to you, giving you a swat on the back of the head before making her way back to the kitchen.

“Hello?” You hold the hard plastic to your ear, expecting to hear...at least something on the other end of the line, but instead...there’s nothing. No sound at all.

“Hel-Hello?” This time your voice breaks a little, having still not fully stopped changing thanks to your testosterone.

It’s now you get a response though. It’s slight. A sound like someone gasping on the other end of the phone, but no actual words.

“I’m going to hang up-” You warn, quickly growing annoyed with the caller, knowing it’d be your ass getting in trouble for their stupid prank call.

“Don’t!”

+

You practically jump out of your skin at the sound of your cell phone ringing. It scares you out of you memory, and you hiss at the overspill of water from your tub. Reaching across you grab the device, answering the phone.

“Hello?” “Hey babe? I’m going to be late home tonight.”

“Oh.”

It’s hard, but you try not to let your disappointment seep into your voice. Part of the reason you had quite your previous job as an extensive care nurse was the hope that the more stable hours would, eventually, lead to more time with your boyfriend.

Although not surprising, it is disappointing. Especially when Sergei had already promised to cook you dinner tonight.

“I’m sorry- I really am. Work is just...They need me here tonight.”

“I understand.”

You don’t. It sucks. You’re angry, but you’ve grown used to it, and used to being the bigger man in the relationship. “Can you at least order me take out? Since you can’t make dinner.”

“...I left my wallet at home.”

“Right. Fine, don’t worry about it.”

With a nice relaxing bath now ruined, you get out and dry off, afterwards ordering Chinese takeout from your favorite restaurant.

You deserve it. First day at a new job, boyfriend blowing you off, you deserve this. You deserve nice things.

You spend the night alone. Eating takeout, and watching a movie on TV until you’re tired, and then when you’re done heading to bed, where you, for the fourth night in a row, sleep alone.

When you wake up the next morning, Sergei is there, in bed. You don’t bother waking him. A mix between upset at him for canceling plans, and not wanting to listen to him try and dissuade you from your job as you go throw your morning routine.

He’s still asleep when you finally head out the door.

Going through security is much easier this time, now that you’ve done it twice and know what to expect. With your keys and wallet safely tucked away in the locker you finally get to start your day.

While going through medication files you find that Billy Lenz had been given a sedative the night before. However, despite the medication being listed on file there’s no incident report.

Surely there’s still a night nurse who’s yet to leave. It doesn’t take you long to find one, and call her to your office.

When she enters she looks tired, and annoyed. You don’t blame her. You’re sure she wants to go home and sleep, but if you’re going to implement changes in patient care you have to start now. There’s no room for slacking.

“Hi. I’m sorry,” You tell her, “this will just take a second I promise. I saw that last night someone administered Billy Lenz with a sedative, but there’s no incident report or anything saying why, and looking back previously it’s not listed as one of his regular medications. Do you know why he was given the medicine?”

Her expression doesn’t change.

“I don’t know why Lenz was given the medicine, or who it was who decided to give it to him. It should say in the report-” “Well it doesn’t.” You interrupt. “Because there is no report.”

“Then I can’t help you.”

“Right, well then, have a good day.” Forcing your most polite smile, you watch the woman go, waiting until she’s left your office before letting out a large sigh.

It’s doubtful she was lying to you, but you really wish she wouldn’t have had such an attitude. After a moment of just sitting in your office, thinking to yourself  

There’s no point in dwelling. The past is the past, but change starts now.

You get an empty cart together, fill it with the things you’ll need. Safety razors, scissors, a bowl of water, soap, and a few other essential cleanliness items. With everything ready you go to your first stop. Billy Lenz.

He needed it. You’d seen yesterday, the way his hair was tangled, and uncomfortable looking stubble. Not to mention, if he’s lucid enough, you may be able to ask him about what had transpired the night before that resulted in him being drugged.

Knocking on the door, unsurprisingly gets you know response. Based on the dosage listed on file, it’s likely he’s still asleep. With no response, you open the small hatch meant for food and other such small items to check. Billy is asleep, curled in the floor as he’d been the day before when you’d met him.

You wonder what it is with him and sleeping on the ground. Perhaps you’ll ask him.

“Billy?”

There’s no response, or shifting from the body.

Worried. With a sigh you open the heavy duty door. Billy still doesn’t seem awake. The only thing keeping you from completely panicking is the rising and falling of his chest, for a moment you were afraid that perhaps he’d had a reaction to the drug, but he’s breathing.

Slowly you make your way too him, the cart pressed towards the back of the room until you had him awake and fully present.

“Billy...I need you to wake up now Billy.” Hesitantly, you slowly reach out to shake him. It’s not the best idea. You’re not so much afraid of Billy but his reaction. He’s mentally ill, and you’re new, not only new but in his space. It’s a dangerous situation for you.

He freezes under your touch when you shake him, a good sign. He mumbles. You can not only hear the sound of it, although not able to actually make out what it is he’s saying, and feel the vibrations from his chest.

“Hi Billy.”

His eyes open slowly, and he stays frozen and stiff. First staring at you, and then his eyes wildly flicking around you.

“Do you remember me? I met you yesterday with Mrs.Macatay.” “Nursie…” His voice is hoarse, and quiet.

“That’s right Billy!”

You’re relieved he seems to recognize you. It’s a good sign, and means you likely won’t have to deal with any post medication confusion.

With some difficulty you set him up against the wall, and he lets you. Neither helping, nor hindering your process to sit him up.

“Here, let me get you a glass of water.”

You return to your cart you left by the door, grabbing a glass before going back to Billy’s side. He downs it immediately, almost choking in his hurry to drink down the water. Hesitantly you reach out, soothingly rubbing his back.

It’s against protocol really, you’re not supposed to be touching the patients outside of regular care needs, but you also don’t want him choking, and hopefully you’re ministrations will remind him to slow down and not suffocate.

“There you go, here, come on. I can get you another glass if you want?”

He doesn’t respond, fingers curled around the glass. Carefully you reach for it, hands placed over top of his own. They’re incredibly cold. You make a mental note to turn up the thermostat for his room.

Slowly you uncurl his fingers from around the glass. Taking it from him completely. When you’re moving to place the cup back on the cart, an icy hand reaches out grabbing your own.

It takes you off guard. Immediately you’re worried that he’s going to hurt you. You know the realization of the situation, of who Billy is.

“B-Billy?” Your voice cracked in fear.

He doesn’t let go of your hand, but he also doesn’t make any sudden moves. He starts to laugh, cackling almost, but it doesn’t gain in volume, he keeps it down under his breath. You’re frightened, and pull yourself free from Billy’s grasp. Once again he doesn’t fight you, letting you take your hand back, and only watching as you move towards the door and your cart.

“I’ll be back Billy, just-just stay there.”

The door slams behind you as you leave. It’s an accident, you don’t mean to slam it, but your anxiety is just too high.

You’ll take care of other patients first, and then come back, when you’re calmer, to cut Billy’s hair, and tend to his wounds.

[madamebaggio]

Make your bets!

How long until Arthur Pendragon and Sansa Stark admit they’re dating? Close sources from both artists have confirmed they hardly talk about anyone else. “Sansa is in love.” A close friend said. “She’s been careful, because her last relationship ended so badly, but she’s clearly into him.” The whole internet is waiting for it. So, what’s the delay?

Chapter 9

Shae was checking Sansa’s schedule for the rest of the day, when the girl herself barreled into the room, breathless and red faced

That Arthur fellow had a gift.

“What did he do?” She asked, arching a brow.

“We kissed.” Sansa blurted, then immediately covered her mouth.

Shae chuckled. “You weren’t expecting it?”

“Were you?” Sansa screeched.

Shae shrugged. “For a while now.”

Sansa rubbed a hand down her face. “What’s wrong?” Shae asked gently.

“I kind of… Ran away.” Sansa admitted.

“Oh, Sansa.” Shae gave her a kind smile. “I understand it; you’re a bit scared because he makes you feel things.”

“Yes! How is that possible? We barely know each other! He has no right to mess me up like this.”

“Slow down, Sansa.” Shae asked. “You’re freaking out for no reason so far. It was one kiss.”

“It isn’t just that.” Sansa confessed. “He wanted to meet me today because he wrote a song for me.”

Shae was surprised. “He gave you a song?”

“Yes, and it’s damn near perfect.”

Oh, to be young and in love…

“Did you feel like you had to kiss him?” Shae asked.

“Not for the reason you’re suggesting.” Sansa sighed. “I had to kiss him because… I really had to.”

Shae chuckled. “If it was that important to you…” She teased. “Isn’t he calling you?”

“I turned off my phone.” Sansa winced. “I was afraid he’d call, scared he wouldn’t…”

Shae rolled her eyes. “Well, he called me twice.”

“What?” Sansa gaped.

“He was concerned.” Shae shrugged and he wanted to know if you’d arrived fine.”

“What did you tell him?” Sansa demanded.

“That you hadn’t arrived yet, but I’d kill him if he’d upset you.”

Sansa groaned, then threw herself on the couch. “And?”

“He told me he was worried he had upset you. He asked me to let him know when you arrived, but I won’t do that.”

Sansa took one look at Shae’s fierce look and knew exactly why she wouldn’t do it. “Because I’ll be the one calling.” Sansa guessed.

“Exactly.”

“Am I a coward now?” Sansa wondered with another sigh.

Shae got closer to Sansa and put a hand on her shoulder. “No, you aren’t. You got messed up at a very young age, these things leave marks. I can understand why you’re skittish. It’s up to you to decide what you’ll do now. I know you can predict what will happen, but -for what is worth-I like this one.”

Sansa smiled at Shae, then excused herself to go to her room. When she turned her phone on, there were four lost calls from Arthur and many messages asking her if she was okay, if she was angry at him, and to just let him know when she got home.

Sansa took a deep breath. She’d dealt with Cersei and Joffrey, she wasn’t a coward. Talking to Arthur Pendragon should be easy.

Then why was her heart beating like this?

“Sansa!” He answered on the second ring, his voice relieved. “Are you back home?”

“I am.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry for running.”

“Was it something I said? Was it because I kissed you?” It was obvious that this answer was very important to him.

“I kissed you too.”

He sighed. “I know. I wanted to kiss you, but I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I’m not upset. I’m confused.” She admitted.

“Ok… Why?”

“I didn’t go there expecting to get kissed.”

“I promise I didn’t call you here for that.” He hurried to say.

“I believe you.”

“But damn those eyes of yours, Stark.”

That man! “So it’s my fault now?” She demanded.

“Completely your fault.” He told her, and she could picture his smile as he said that. “I’m just a man, and you charmed me with those polite words of yours. I mean, the first time we talked on the phone and you called me ‘Mr. Pendragon’, like I was a misbehaving boy, I knew I was about to be a goner.”

Sansa laughed at his obvious teasing. He was ridiculous. “Oh shut up.”

“But, Sansa…” He sounded a bit serious. “I wasn’t wrong, ok? I am a goner. You got me. Sorry about it.”

She wasn’t expecting this. “Aren’t you supposed to be all bad boy and unapologetic?”

He laughed. “There you go judging me.” He said dramatically. “Ok, I am not sorry. Listen… In two weeks we’ll give a party. I’ve already invited Jon and Arya. Think you can make an appearance?”

She smiled. “I’ll see what I can do for you, Pendragon.”

***

These two weeks passed simultaneously fast and slow. Sansa knew this was difficult to understand, but it was the truth.

She had many things to do; interviews, preparing for a world tour and a lot of things in between. She was extremely busy, but in the moments she wasn’t, time seemed to dragged by.

Shae thought this hilarious, while Brienne wasn’t amused at all.

Arya didn’t look impressed. “I thought you two weren’t being shipped anywhere.”

Sansa groaned. “It isn’t like that.”

“Yet. That’s what you mean, right? It isn’t like that yet.” Arya offered dryly.

“It’s complicated.” Sansa insisted.

Arya sighed. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”

“Panicking.” Sansa confessed. “He seems so nice and incredible, but… So did Joffrey at some point.”

“Look…” Arya seemed like she was about to say something than thought better of it. “Is it… Can I say something honestly to you?”

Sansa smiled at her sister. “Yes.”

“We all hated Joffrey from the first second we saw him.” Arya said. “None of us liked him. Not even mother.”

“But…” Sansa paused.

“Robb said something, and so did I.” Arya reminded her.

“Yes, but I thought he was just being over protective and you were just being difficult.” Sansa argued.

“I was being difficult.” Arya admitted. “But I also hated him. Dad just didn’t know how to say it to you. We felt like he was a bad choice.”

“Why didn’t they say something to me?”

“I think mom thought that if we said anything it’d only encourage you. You know? Like the parents saying ‘don’t smoke pot’ and then the kids go and do exactly that, just because.”

“Oh god.” Sansa groaned.

“But my point is…” Arya cleared her throat. “We actually like Arthur. Jon and I, at least. He’s a little shit, but he isn’t a jerk.”

Sansa chuckled. “He is a little shit.”

Arya narrowed her eyes. “You’re into him, aren’t you?”

“We kissed.” Sansa confessed.

“Holy fuck. I didn’t expect that.” She paused. “Was it good?”

Sansa sighed. “It was perfect.”

“What was perfect?” Jon asked, coming into the living room. They were all going together to the party.

Before Sansa could change the subject, Arya decided to include Jon on it. “Sansa kissed Arthur.”’

“He kissed me!” Sansa protested.

Jon frowned. “Did he take advantage?”

Arya snorted. “She liked it, Jon. Keep up.”

Jon relaxed immediately. “He is nice.” He shrugged.

“Better than Joffrey apparently.” Sansa said dryly.

Jon cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable. “Something like that.”

***

Camelot’s party was happening at Goosefat Bill’s apartment, as Arthur insisted on calling the man.

Sansa always had a hard time talking to him, because he looked too much like Petyr Baelish, the owner of the biggest model agency in the country and a creep. However Jon assured her William was completely different from Baelish, even if they looked identical.

Ygritte and the guys from Jon’s band were there already and Arya said Gendry was late, but there was a lot of people.

“Do you see your boyfriend?��� Arya asked.

“Shut…”

“Sansa.”

He was here.

Well, obviously. It was his party after all, but still… In these last two weeks, they’d talked a lot on the phone, because Arthur said he liked to hear her voice. They’d also texted some, but they’d carefully avoided talking more about the kiss or what it all meant.

And now he was here.

It was ridiculous how he made her stomach flutter and her heart speed up, like she was a teen in love.

It was also extremely ridiculous how hot he was.

“You’re here.” He grinned at her.

“I thought I’d been invited.” She teased.

“You’re always invited, Stark.” He finally remembered they weren’t alone. “Snow. Mini Stark.”

Arya snorted. “Cute. What are your intentions with my sister?”

“Arya!” Sansa wanted to die. “Are you…”

“I want her to teach me how to dance, so we can cover ‘Genie in a bottle’ together.” Arthur informed Arya easily.

Jon frowned. “Why that song?”

Trust Jon to ask the important questions.

And Arthur didn’t disappoint. “I always thought the rubbing part was hilarious.”

Sansa snorted, as Arya planted her elbow on Arthur’s side. “There’ll be no rubbing, Pendragon, unless my sister wants to be rubbed.”

Jon’s glare probably meant he agreed. Sansa wanted to kill them both.

Arthur chuckled good naturedly. “I like your sister a lot, Mini Stark. My only intention is that she understands that.”

That man! How could he… What the…

Arya narrowed her eyes at him. “You’ll do, Pendragon. I’ll kill you if you hurt her.”

“I’ll help.” Jon offered.

“I accept your terms.” Arthur nodded formally, then turned to Sansa with the biggest smile ever. “Come on, I wanna introduce you to the guys.”

Arya and Jon magically disappeared, leaving them alone. “You think you’re so cute.” She accused.

“No. I think I’m devilishly handsome.” Arthur corrected.

She rolled her eyes. “I think you’re full of it.” She arched a brow. “You have intentions now?”

“I’ve always had them.” Arthur indicated, steering Sansa in a direction. “I’ve never lied to you. Why would I start now?”

“So what are your intentions?” She asked, curious despite her nervousness.

“Short term or long term?” He asked as he guided her through the crowd.

Sansa wanted to know what he thought it could happen to them long term, but she was scared shitless of asking. So she defused. “Short term.”

“I really hope I get to kiss you by the end of the night.” He told her.

Sansa stopped and turned to him. “Arthur…”

“If you want, Red.” He chucked her gently under the chin. “I promise I’ll only kiss you if you want me to. But, for the record, I really wanna kiss you.”

She really wanted to kiss him too. She bit her lower lip and Arthur covered his eyes dramatically.

“Stop tempting me, Stark! You’re meeting my friends first.” He declared.

“Why?”

He went back to guiding her somewhere. “So they can get the teasing out of the way.”

Sansa laughed as they entered what looked like an entertainment room. She spotted the other members of Camelot as soon as they did.

“Look who’s here!” Back Lack announced upon seeing them. “Mr. and Ms. Stark.”

Sansa snorted. “I guess we found out who’s been doing all that fanart of us together.”

“I’m pretty sure they started this whole shipping thing.” He told her. “Back Lack, pretend you are normal, ok? This is Sansa Stark, everyone.” He indicated Sansa. “These is Percival, Nimue, Back Lack and Wet Stick.” He pointed at each as he said their names.

“Nice to meet you all.” Sansa smiled at them.

“We’ve been meaning to ask you…” Wet Stick called. “What do you see in him? He’s a wanker.”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Arthur cut, even as Sansa laughed.

“Have you decided what you’ll do for your duet yet?” Nimue asked.

“Nimue.” Arthur groaned. “We don’t have plans for that.”

The thing was… Should Sansa tell him?

She was writing a song. For them.

She hadn’t planned on writing anything, but after the song he gave her, after the kiss… It’d just happened. The words came to her easily, and so had the melody. It wasn’t for him or for her; it was for them.

She would wait. When it was finished she could show him.

“We’re still setting a date to meet my choreographer.” Sansa informed Nimue. “He needs to work on his moves.”

Arthur’s friends exploded in laughter. “My moves are great, alright?” He grumbled.

“I’m sure they are.” Sansa grinned at him.

***

Only hours later it occurred to Sansa that Arthur hadn’t left her side the whole time. He got her drinks, and asked if she needed anything, but otherwise, he remained firmly by her. It wasn’t a complaint; it was nice.

He introduced her to people, listened to her when she talked and seemed genuinely pleased to be close to her.

It was intoxicating.

The party was already winding down, when they were finally alone in an office.

“Thank you for coming tonight, Red.” He smiled at her.

“Thank you for inviting me.” She smiled back.

Arthur put his arm on the couch’s back and rested his head on his hand. “Can we talk about that kiss now? The one from before?” He asked gently.

Sansa sighed. “You mean when I ran?”

“I’m not pressuring you or anything.” He assured her. “But… Was it because I scared you?”

She did owe him some sort of explanation. “You don’t scare me.” She told him honestly. “But… The things you make me feel do.”

“OK…”

“I feel like I’m getting into this too fast.” She sighed again. “I’m afraid I’m about to jump and fall on rocks.”

“It’s been fast.” Arthur agreed. “But is it something I’m doing? Do you feel like I’m the one rushing you?”

“No.” She confessed. “It’s just that…” She pressed her lips together. “I’ve been burned before.”

He knew it. Bill had told him about the rumors. “Look, I like you, Sansa. I honestly do. It’s kind of weird, because there was something about you from the beginning. I wasn’t expecting you. I didn’t call you because you were good looking. I never saw you coming.”

Sansa felt a blush spreading across her face. “I can say the same.” She bit her lower lip. “Can we go slow?”

Arthur pushed a strand of red hair behind her ear. “Sansa, we can go any way you want. We can even not go, if you…”

“I want to go.” She assured him. “Just… Slow.”

“I’m ok with slow.” He confirmed.

“How about your short term intentions?” She teased.

“They can go on hold.” He replied easily.

She hummed an understanding. “What if they don’t need to?”

Arthur looked at her, his face carefully bland. “What if they don’t?” He asked back.

Sansa laughed. “Kissing is fine.”

“Kissing is more than fine, Red. I don’t mean to brag…”

“Of course not.”

“But I’m an expert on kissing.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Sansa chuckled. “You’re ridiculous, that’s what you are.”

“You’re ridiculous. Ridiculously good-looking.” He groaned dramatically. “Look at you.”

Sansa laughed harder at his antics. “Stop!” She protested, trying to contain her laughter. “I want a kiss.”

“You’re becoming way too demanding.” He sassed her.

“So you don’t want to kiss me?” She teased back.

“Let’s not go crazy here, Red. I wanna kiss you all the time.” He spoke as if it was the most obvious thing on Earth.

“So?” She teased, using that polite tone he always talked about so much.

“And now you’re trying to seduce me.” He sighed dramatically. “Fine, I can do it.”

“If you’re going to act like it’s such a chore…” Sansa got up, like she intended to go away -she didn’t, but she had so much fun teasing Arthur -but she didn’t go far at all. He grabbed her by her jean’s belt loop and pulled her back.

Conveniently on his lap.

They weren’t laughing anymore.

“Too much?” He asked, looking into her eyes.

Sansa shook her head.

“Good.”

He kissed her just the way they were, Sansa sprawled on his lap, one of his arms supporting her back.

Kissing Sansa Stark was definitely his new favorite hobby. He could easily get used to this.

She was soft and sweet and giving. He felt he could get lost in her and he’d never mind. Honestly, if he wasn’t careful he’d turn into Ed Sheeran and write love songs for her.

That would certainly make an interesting headline.

She nipped at his lower lip, and Arthur kissed her harder for it. It wasn’t a sweet kiss like their first one. This one was messier and harder, and Arthur knew that if they didn’t stop this, things wouldn’t be going slower at al.

It was Sansa who gently pulled back a while later. “I like kissing you.” She told him, her lips plump from all the kissing, her face red.

“I’m here to serve.” Arthur pressed a peck to her lips.

Slow was good too.

**************

Notes: Soooooooooooooooooo?

Next one is the last one!

I hope you guys enjoyed it! And because I lvoe this ship so much I’m obviously not letting it go that easily, so I hope you like “Ten Things I Hate About You” ;)

[memescomicswriting]

In the Pursuit of Happiness Ch. 5

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Reader x Bucky, Reader x Steve

Warnings/genre: Very Angsty Chapter, a few bad words

Summary: Singer!Avenger. Raised by Sheild since the age of ten, Y/N grew up without everyday examples. She only saw how to be an agent. Though as a grown woman she has surpassed that mindset, she still faces challenges from her upbringing- like how to handle feelings, unrequited love, and interpersonal challenges. Set after similar plot points in Civil War, Y/N must face returning home after leaving during an uncomfortable time in her life and facing the consequences

A/N: This is my first series in the Marvel fandom. I hope you enjoy it. I always welcome feedback. It is appreciated. This story does not follow the traditional Marvel timeline. I mess with it to make the story work, so roll with me.

Y’all I wrote most of this chapter to Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer and Pompeii by Bastille. You’ve been warned.

Story Masterlist

You woke up incredibly early. To be fair, seven am wasn't early to most of the adult world, but for you it was. Yet you didn't feel tired. You had a strange, almost giddy and childish energy to you. Today, Steve was more than your friend, possibly best friend. He was simply more. After harassing Peter into an early morning workout with you, you were off to start the day. Peter, the cute mess he is, was not ready for sparring. Even extremely holding back, you kicked his little spider butt. You made up for it with the promise of chocolate chip pancakes.

"But can't we skip the green juice this morning?" Peter whined as you made your way to the common kitchen. "Uh, I promised Tony I'd care for you, and if he caught me feeding you junk twenty-four-seven he'd kill me and then proceed to helicopter parent you to his grave." You retorted. You pushed the swing door to the kitchen open and held it for Peter. "Besides, this morning proved to me that you need more of a natural energy boost." "Like you-" Peter stopped mid comeback, freezing, and rebooting like one of his inventions. "Good morning Mr. Captain Sir, and Mr. Bucky." He was flustered but continued to an open seat far away from the buddied grown men. "Hey, guys." You walked in with a collected air to you, despite your internal giddiness. You continued to the cupboards. "I was about to make some pancakes for Peter and I. Want some?" "No thank you-" Steve. "I'd love some-" Bucky. You whipped around to curiously glance between the two. Normally, taking food orders like this held nothing over you, but their estranged looks towards each other threw you for a loop. "Sorry, Yes." Steve. "Nevermind I guess." Bucky. You raised a brow at them both. They looked at each other in frustration. Normally, you could read Steve like a book, but with Bucky back he was acting strange. You had no into their century's worth of intricacies, inside jokes, understandings. It was weird and you didn't like it, but you'd get used to it. Maybe one day you'd be apart of it. "I'll just make a lot and whoever wants them can take them..." The caution in your voice caught their attention. However, you ignored them and made quick work of developing a pancake batter. Peter was engrossed with his phone, Steve with the Journal, and Bucky with the circuits of his arm. You cleared your throat and all three men perked up. "Peter wants chocolate chips. I planned on adding pecans and peaches to mine. Either of you want something else?" "Blueberries!" Bucky happily chirped. The excitement was evident in his voice. "Steve and I can't cook worth a damn. Hate to say it, but this is the first homecooked breakfast I've had in decades." You found his easy confession odd. Apparently, so did Steve. From your understanding, Bucky was the last to share due to his guarded nature. Steve told you that. Yet, Bucky readily shared with you last night. Maybe your closeness to Steve eased his reserve. "Then I'll have to make it extra special." You picked up the conversation before it became an awkward starring match. "Eggs, bacon, potatoes, sausage, the works." Before Bucky could protest, Peter spoke up for you and Steve. "I wouldn't if I were you." Then he went back to his phone. "When she sets her mind to something Buck, you can't change it." That was Steve, settling the debate. You shot him a bold smile. It was the first time you'd directed your gaze solely to him this morning. He squirmed under it which you found disheartening. "Did you want anything different?" You asked with a soft, hurt voice. His voice was soft. "No, what you're making is fine." There was something behind his eyes that you couldn't quite place. You were so confused. After months of pining, you'd said yes to him. Shouldn't he have the same electric energy as you? Breakfast passed quickly. It'd been a while since you cooked in this kitchen. Even longer since you cooked this much. Your other teammates came and went, taking the food that enticed them into the kitchen. Eventually, Bucky left and Peter followed after eyeing up Steve. Despite Peter's fear and intimidation, he cared more for you more than he worried what Steve thought of him. You promised him you hadn't forgotten to call your director friend at MIT, as a reminder that Peter and Ned were coming for their all-access tour. You had connections. Steve stood up to make his exit but your voice commanded him to stop. "Steve?" It was gentle but powerful. You could make yourself heard when you wanted to. He turned to face you, maybe nervous. He was the opposite of how you left him the previous night. "Y/N." Maybe it was the nerves or hurt that quickly flashed in a blaze of emotions over your face, but Steve turned to fully face you. He even took a step towards you. "Yes?" "Did- did something happen? Or are you upset at something? Maybe I'm overreading things, but I can tell when you're off..." You trailed off, refusing to look at him. If you had, you would've seen the hurt that crossed his face like it had traveled from you to him. "No, not at all!" It was a hasty correction. "Guess I'm just nervous." You looked up to find him sporting a fragile smile and he shrugged. Relief instantly pooled through you. "Oh." You returned his smile. "Um, so what time are we going out tonight, and what should I wear?" Steve opened his mouth to answer your question. At least that's what you thought. Then he quickly pressed his lips together and ticked his jaw. "Eight." He replied firmly. "And dress nice." You reached out and took his hand. You hoped it was simple nerves that overtook him. His stern voice reminded you of the Captain. You'd seen him switch into that role when he was uncomfortable. Steve froze, unresponsive. You placed his hand on your waist and stepped into him. He shifted, softened. "I do want this to work." You kissed his cheek and then walked passed him. He was left dumbfounded by your actions. -- Despite Peter's attempts to drag you with him to MIT, out of obvious disapproval, you managed to pass the afternoon with peaceful work and some much-needed rest before your date with Steve. After an hour of primping, worrying, scrubbing with soaps scented by lavender and bayberry, and everything else you moved on to makeup. You chose a simple look tonight, elegant and beautiful. You only enhanced your natural features. Steve always commented on how beautiful you looked when you did your makeup that way. You followed his directions and dressed nice. You picked out a caesious colored satin cocktail dress. It sinched your upper body like a corset but skirted below your waist. It stopped at your knee. It was the perfect combination of drawl and grace to match your subtle sexiness. Your hair was placed into gentle waves, with one side pinned back across your shoulder like a drape. You knew you looked stunning. Steve knocked on your door at exactly eight like you knew he would. You swung the door open to reveal yourself to him. You were closer to his height in your suede heels. Steve made an audible gasp. You'd heard it before, but tonight you were sure it was directed at you. He was in a tailored pair of blue slacks and a blazer. Under it, he had a patterned button-up shirt, but no tie. You looked stunning together. If you hadn't taken Steve's hand in yours and led him down the hallway you might have stood there with a dumbstruck Steve the entire night. Halfway down the elevator ride, he regained some of his composure. "You look gorgeous." He mumbled softly. You grinned. "So do you." The drive into the city was long and silent despite your efforts. Fifteen minutes into the thirty-minute drive you gave up on attempts to make conversation. When you arrived at your destination- a fancy restaurant called Sage, it was no different. You tried for conversation and you received polite but short replies. You tried to hide your disappoint the entire night, but you knew it slipped. You could see it when Steve reacted in defeat. You kissed his cheek as you said goodnight. He dropped you off at your door. Silent dismay lingered between you two. Yet, you told him that you had a great time and couldn't wait to do it again. You both knew if the date had gone well you would've continued it by changing into comfortable clothes and watching a movie together. Every 'friend outing' before ended that way. This date didn't. The next day awkward glances and silence followed you two everywhere you ran into each other. You both tried to prevent that from happening. Whenever someone asked how your date went, you lied and gushed over the fantasy you hoped it would have been. You were lying to all your teammates, even Peter. You did it so well everyone believed you. You were trained by Sheild to be a top spy, of course, your acting skills were great enough to trick even earth's mightiest. Days passed and you questioned Steve about your next date. He seemed startled by your question. That hurt you. He informed you about a flyer he'd seen for a hotel's five-course dinner for two. You said it sounded nice. He said he'd pick you up at eight again. That date went as well as the first. It became harder to hide your disappointment from your teammates with every failed date. Five failed dates passed. You planned on being head over heals by date five. You expected butterflies and nervous kisses that lingered into needy makeout sessions. You expected your friend Steve Rogers with the heat of your past flings. Instead, you received a dull, impersonal, and distant companion. Something was wrong. He was wrong. This was wrong. His reluctance was wrong. You wanted to know why. You stormed into his room, a month after he first asked you out. It was a rare occurrence where neither Peter nor Bucky lingered around your wing of the compound. You took the opportunity. "We need to talk." You declared. Steve jumped from his work desk where he'd been reviewing papers on the recent uptick in organized global crime. "Y/N." He wasn't angry but slightly startled and maybe nervous. "What about?" "The elephant in the room." You stated bluntly. When he continued to blankly stare at you with no recognition behind his eyes you clarified for him. "Our five failed dates." He couldn't have deniability now. His demeanor shifted with acceptance and disappointment. "Yeah, I know..." He tried to hide his eyes from you, looking away, turning his head but you refused to allow him to escape. You gripped his jaw and made him face you. "You wanted this. I tried. I gave you everything I could and you- your acting like a whole different man from the night you asked me. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I can't live with this storm cloud over you and me." Steve's eyes set on you and they shifted from wandering in dispute to fixated and darkening. Yet he held himself back, like always. You hated that quality in him. It was harder to take him halfheartedly than fully with the good and the bad. "I did want this." He retorted. 'Did' rang through your mind. 'Did' was past tense. It was in the past. "Maybe you didn't know me as you thought." His voice was monotone but he might as well have spat it at you. It hurt in that way. You needed to be strong. "What does that mean?"  Yet you were caving like an ill-supported wall. Steve never talked to you in this way and it made you crumble. "It's like you said." He continued. "You tried by giving everything you could. I guess it wasn't enough." What was this? Why was he being this mean and cold? You clenched your fists. He wouldn't see you break here if that's what he wanted. You'd fight for your clarity, so you'd know you did everything you could. "That's bullshit and you know it." You loomed over him, aggressive. Agitation was written across his face as you neared a line you rarely crossed. "That night, my bare minimum was more than enough for you and you were enough for me. Your lack of effort is what's not enough." Electricity danced behind you. Your energy was rising, but so was his. He shot up and a twinge of panic coursed through you. You crossed that line and you didn't know what would happen next. But it needed to be done. His frame blocked out the light coming from the window. His shadow swallowed you. "Months of waiting for a girl who doesn't want you, to come around isn't a lack of effort. It's more than what's deserved." Your heart broke with his words. It was strangled between his harsh tone and what he meant. He deserved more than what you gave. All the fears you tried to overcome in those three months battered you. "I left because I knew I couldn't be what you deserved." You were meek now. You'd abandoned your previous strength and determination for the hurt you felt. You refused to look at Steve. Maybe he softened as his tone suggested. Maybe he was simply quieter, but what he said next wasn't pointed. "You just didn't know how to love me as more than a friend." "What?" Your head shot up. Those words were too familiar. They were your words, and it clicked. Bucky. That night when Steve kissed you and didn't return; he and Bucky were discussing you, not some nightmare. "Oh, Steve..." You began, but he waved you off. "I get it. You tried for my sake, but this isn't what you wanted. Being with you in this way isn't what I wanted." He walked over to his door and opened it for you. Reluctantly, you followed. "There's no bad blood between us, Y/N, but it can't go back to how it was. It never could. You need someone who can make you happy and I need to get over you." You stared in disbelief, open-mouthed. "Steve..." His pleading eyes silenced you. "Let me go, Y/N. Do that for me. Let me go." He slowly closed the door and you didn't protest. Mysteriously, your feet moved with a mind of their own, taking you back to your room. Your body shifted into autopilot as your brain began its inward collapse. Once inside your bedroom, you shut and locked your door. Silent tears slipped down your checks as you slid down your door. You sat there until the light pouring into your room changed from the sun's rays to the moon's glow. You curled your legs to your chest, head buried in your lap until you could cry no more. Then you got up and went to bed.

---

A/N: Chapter 5! Y’all. this one was a heartbreak to write but it concludes phase one of the story! Let me know what you think about this fic so far. My asks and messages are open!

Reblog if you liked it!!!

What did you think of Y/N’s words being used against her like that? Should she or Steve fought harder for the relationship? What doors will open with this one closing? Are they done forever?

Also, let me know if you think I should share the songs I use to write my chapters!

[starry-kfics]

you missed [hyunjin]

word count: 1931

warnings: none, just some cursing

author: mel

request: Hey! Can I request a scenario with stray kids hyunjin or jisung from mel? Maybe fluff mixed with a tiny little bit of angst plus a kiss on new years eve? It can be enemies to lovers or friends to lovers or even a first meeting scenario.. Wherever the inspiration hits you the most ^^

extra info: gender-neutral reader!!

mini-playlist

December 31st.

New Year’s Eve.

Ever since you were little, you had spent every New Year’s with Hwang Hyunjin. And he insisted that even though he was a debuted idol now and his reputation could easily be ruined with any slight scandal, that fact wouldn’t change. You were his best friend, he had reminded you, which meant that you would keep your traditions.

And so that’s how you ended up on a balcony at some fancy hotel that JYPE had rented out for the occasion, needing some fresh air for a moment. Being around so many people, not to mention people that were all incredibly famous, was overwhelming and exhausting to you sometimes. Checking the time on your phone, you winced when you saw that it was only 10 p.m. Hyunjin had told your mother that the party would probably last until 2 a.m., meaning that you theoretically still had four more hours of this. Your feet ached from standing and the goofy dancing you had done earlier with the equally goofy members of Stray Kids, and all you really wanted to go home and change into your pajamas and go the fuck to sleep. New Year’s never mattered much to you, it was always Hyunjin who made you have fun on the seemingly pointless holiday.

The thought of your handsome, bright-eyed, and caring best friend brought a familiar bittersweet pain to the left side of your chest. You’d realized the not-so-small crush you had on him last New Year’s, when he’d given you his routine Happy New Year’s kiss on the cheek, and missed, pecking the corner of your mouth gently. It had been pretty easy to ignore your agony-inducing feelings since you didn’t see him much while JYPE kept him extra busy with schedules. But now that you were at this party with him, where he had pretty much glued himself to your side the entire time, it was difficult to push them away.

For the past thirty minutes, however, you had a completely different issue plaguing your mind. One that you knew you needed to talk to Hyunjin about. As if he could hear your thoughts, his voice spoke up from behind you, “You’re missing Changbin and Minho’s drinking contest.”

“Their what?” You spun around, looking absolutely bewildered.

“I’m kidding, I needed to get your attention.” Hyunjin let out a melodious chuckle as he stepped closer to you, looking just as dazzling as before in his simple navy-blue suit, the jacket having been discarded long ago in favor of just rolling his sleeves up to just below his elbow. That, paired with the slightly-mussed up and curly hair, gave no aid in calming your thundering heart. How was one boy allowed to be that attractive?

“You could’ve said ‘Hey, Y/N.’ You know, like a normal person.” You snorted, going back to leaning again the balcony railing as he joined you.

“Since when have we ever been normal?” He bumped your shoulder.

“Oh, I’m perfectly normal—” You bumped his shoulder back. “It’s you that’s fucking weird.”

“You know, I’d tickle you if you didn’t look so stunning tonight.”

Your cheeks and ears heated up immediately, counteracting the chilling winter winds easily seeping into your skin. At your lack of response, Hyunjin spoke again, “So what’s on your mind, little bean?”

Dropping your face into your hands, you mumbled, “Jinnie, I’ve made a grave mistake.”

“What did you do this time, Y/N?”

“I might have agreed to give Jisung a New Year’s kiss.”

You took your face out of your hands in time to see Hyunjin’s eyebrows shoot up, “Like, kiss on the cheek?”

You shook your head.

He seemed more distressed than you, rubbing his face in frustration as he thought. Finally, he groaned and offered, “I’ll tell him that you know… he can’t do that, because you’re my best friend and that’d be weird for me.”

“That’s not what I’m concerned about.” You ignored the twinge in your heart when he called you his friend. Truth be told, you were doing this hoping that it’d help you get over Hyunjin. Not necessarily by getting into Jisung, that wasn’t what you wanted. But just a little extra push to forget about your feelings for your best friend.

Hyunjin’s eyes were nearly popping out of his face as he asked, “So is it like… the actual kiss, then? What, why?”

“Never kissed anyone before.”

“You’re really going to let Han Jisung be your first kiss?”

You shrugged.

“You don’t know him that well, Y/N.”

“I barely know anybody here.” You pointed out with another shrug. “Why are you making a big deal out of this?”

“Your first kiss should be with someone you know, and who actually cares about you, and isn’t just some lonely teenage boy who would get affection from a rock if he could.”

“Well if you can find me someone like that within the next—” You looked at your phone again, “one hour and fifty-six minutes, then sure, Han Jisung won’t be my first kiss.”

As you had said that, you looked at him with a newfound fire in your eyes, waiting for him to respond to your challenge. His jaw was clenched, and he opened his mouth as if to say something, but decided to close it again, taking a relenting step back.

“Fine,” Hyunjin shook his head, walking back into the venue and managing to disappear his broad form into the crowd.

Your friend’s cold departure from you had left you in a sour mood for all of five seconds before some of the other members of Stray Kids had found you and provided ample distractions from the tears threatening to make an appearance. Never had Hyunjin ever looked so upset or disappointed in you, and it hurt. It really fucking hurt.

You had a feeling that Hyunjin’s members had been able to surmise that something bad had happened, considering you wouldn’t even look in his general direction, a stark contrast from just an hour ago when you were laughing together while his arm had encircled your waist. The ghost of his arm there was still present, and you desperately pressed yourself even further back into the couch you were on to try to rid yourself of it. You really only succeeded in tucking yourself into Seungmin’s side, as you were crammed onto the couch with him and the other maknaes, not including Hyunjin.

Jisung was on your other side, looking very animated as he tried to yell out a story above to the constant loud hum, one that Felix on his other side could apparently understand, as his deep laughs reached your ears. The light tinkling of Jeongin’s laughter brought your attention to your other side, and you felt Seungmin attempting to worm himself off the couch. You scooted closer to Jisung to give him some more room, and when he stood up, you saw that there was a dark brown stain all down the front of his light-colored suit. Realizing that your sudden jolt into his side must have caused him to spill his drink all over himself, you tried to apologize, but he waved you off and disappeared as well.

Now with more space, you scooted back away from Jisung, only by a few millimeters, as the couch was definitely not meant to fit even four people like it was now. As you leaned in to listen to Felix’s addition to the conversation, you felt someone slide in beside and slightly behind you again and were surprised at how quickly Seungmin had returned. But then an arm snaked around your waist and an all-too familiar voice was beside your ear and you knew it wasn’t him.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Hyunjin didn’t have to whisper too much, the room was definitely too loud for anybody further than four inches away to hear anything he was saying. “If you want to fuck Jisung—”

You snapped your head around to hiss incredulously, “I don’t want to fuck him! Jesus Christ, Jinnie, it’s a kiss. I don’t even like him like that, or plan on liking him.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” You scoffed before softening your features and gently nudging his side affectionately, “Anyway, I forgive you. You were just being a good friend and looking out for me.”

“Yeah.”

If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought he sounded disappointed when you called him your friend. But when he rested his head on yours and your hopeful heart hopped painfully against your ribcage, you reminded yourself that all you were was his friend, and you had to learn how to be happy with just that.

You were standing towards the back of the large mass of people crowded around the huge TV announcing the countdown to the New Year. With Jisung on your left and Hyunjin on your right, you blamed the heat for your sweaty palms instead of the idea of having your first kiss in a very visible place and with a somewhat-random person. It would be just a peck, you had convinced yourself. Not a big deal.

The voices of everyone counting down in unison reverberated through your brain.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Before you could even turn to the boy on your left, you were yanked to the right, a pair of lips descending onto yours in one fluid and firm motion. Hyunijn’s large hands were gripping either side of your face and neck, his body pressing against yours, and his mouth meshing with yours in a way you could only describe as perfect. Your own hands grappled for something to hold onto as your breath was stolen from you, finding a somewhat suitable place clutching desperately onto his shirt.

Finally, Hyunjin deemed it necessary to breathe, moving his face back just a few millimeters from yours, a thin line of spit still connecting you two. You widened the distance, taking a few shaky inhalations as you tried to look anywhere except Hyunijn. Which was difficult considering he took up much of your vision, still being only a couple inches away.

“Oh,” You let out a forced giggle, voice cracking awkwardly as you added, “You missed… again.”

“No I didn’t.” He posited, closing the space between you two again. “There, you had your first kiss with someone who actually cares about you. So if you still want to go kiss Jisung—”

“No.” Shaking your head with determination, you looked him in the eye, “I don’t want to kiss him. Or anyone else…”

“Except me.” Hyunjin finished your implicit statement with a shit-eating grin.

Rolling your eyes, you nodded nonetheless.

“So, are we together, then?”

You pretended to contemplate this for a moment before grabbing his collar and tugging him back down for another kiss, dropping one hand down to lace your fingers with his. Hyunjin grinned into the kiss, squeezing your hand in return.

The very amused voice of Chan startled you into nearly having an aneurysm, “You two might want to stop that before JYP comes by to say Happy New Year’s to everybody.”

You folded your hands politely in front of you, nodding sheepishly as the rest of Stray Kids could only giggle at your being caught. Jisung then whined, “I still didn’t get a New Year’s kiss!”

“Come here, then!” Minho wrapped an arm around the younger boy’s neck, pursing his lips as Jisung tried to get away. The whole group burst into laughter, taking enough attention off you and Hyunjin for him to take your hand in his again.

[aengus-og-babie-blog]

Brighter Imagination

Castiel x Reader

Summary: Y/n is a witch that has acquired a magical pencil that brings all of its drawings to life. She’s been feeling lonely and out of place because so she turns to her lively drawings for companionship. However, a certain curious angel finds Y/n talking to her sketchbook pages. He becomes concerned, as well as cautious when he realizes the drawings are filling Y/n’s head with lies.

Warnings: swearing, mild angst, it’s kinda weird and silly

Word Count: 2173

I run down the bunker stairs in rage. I can practically feel the steam flying out of my bright red ears. However, Dean stops me before I can get out of reach.

“Dammit, Y/n! Just listen to me!” He yells, clearly not in the mood.

“Why should I? You’re just going to criticize me for using my god given powers for good!” I snap back. I understand the boys’ reasons to be wary of magicks, but they know me. They should trust me. I’ve never given them a reason to not trust me.

“I know, but that doesn’t give you the right to take an evil witch’s shit! Who knows what it can do?” Dean argues.

“It’s a magick pencil, Dean. It’s supposed to bring the drawings created with it to life. See? I know exactly what it is and how to use it. There’s nothing inherently evil about this artifact. It’s merely how it’s used.” I defend myself, trusting in my magickal knowledge.

“Y/n, we know you can handle anything, we’re just worried.” Sam justifies his older brother. Despite that, I’m still fuming at the fact that they really don’t trust me with anything remotely powerful. I bet they think I’m going to lose control and hurt someone. I know what I’m doing. I’m a strong witch that’s fully in control of her powers.

“Thanks, but really it’s fine. I promise not to draw anything dangerous and blow up the goddamn bunker.” I finally storm off to my bedroom, needing to be away from the boys right now. I love them like they were my real brothers, but they really knew how to make me feel like shit.

A few days passed since my finding of the magick pencil, but nothing has happened. I’ve begun to believe the pencil was a fake until something scared the shit out of me. I started just by drawing simple doodles of cats and frogs, hoping they would jump off the pages and act as cute little creations. When this didn’t work, I began to draw more realistic looking pieces. I drew plants and books, but still, nothing came to life. Out of curiosity, I started sketching my favorite angel, Castiel. I knew his delicate face like the back of my hand, as I’ve spent so much shameless time staring at it. I didn’t go into much detail, but Cas was definitely there on the page in front of me. I wished for it to come to life, just to blink at me or twitch its nose, but it did nothing. I let out a heavy sign disappointed that the artifact was a dud, so I throw my sketchbook onto my bed. Walking over to the rest of my magickal artifacts, I scold the little pencil.

“You could have sat nicely up here with the rest, but no! You had to be a fake. Now I have to tell the boys and watch their smug shit faces.” I growl, tossing the pencil into my trash. I walk out, sulking into the library to find Sam and Dean. Sam is on his laptop researching for a new case. Dean is sitting with his legs up on the table, beer in hand, yapping at poor Sam.

“I told already told you, I can’t just be lured in with pie! I’m stronger than that. I need to be romanced first, at least.” Dean defends himself.

“Dude, you got caught by werewolves because they knew you liked pie. It’s your thing, your weakness.” Sam chuckles. I clear my throat, turning both of their attention to me.

“Yes, hello. I sadly must report to you that the magick pencil I found was a dud.” I inform the brother.s

“A dud?” Sam inquires. I sigh audibly.

“Yes, a dud. A fake. It doesn’t work. It’s a piece of shit regular pencil.” I hear the two of them sigh in relief. “What the hell guys? I’m actually upset about this!”

“Sorry, sweetheart, but that thing could have been really dangerous. We’re just glad that it’s not and that you’re safe.” Dean says with a sympathetic look on his face, but also a shit eating grin.

“Well, thanks. Glad you care.” I spit out, marching back to my room. I just want to forget about this whole thing. I wish I had never picked up the goddamn pencil. “Stupid piece of shit!”

“Woah! What’s that language for?” A strange voice asks. I let out a yelp, scanning my room to see who that was. No one was there.

“Who said that?” I ask defensively, holding out my hands ready to produce magick protection.

“Uh, down here,” The voice says. My eyes follow, and I spot my sketchbook.

“No way!” I run to it and to my surprise it was my drawing of Castiel that had come to life. That’s odd since the drawing didn’t sound like him that much. It was almost too peppy.

“Yes, hello! It is I, your humble drawing!” He says excitedly. I pull the sketchbook closer to view all of the moving details of my work. His eyes blinked, mouth moved, and whole being seemed to even breathe! It was incredible!

“This is amazing! Except, how come you didn’t come to life earlier?” I ask.

“Well, it’s not exactly instantaneous. According to my knowledge, your drawings must be of something you already know and it takes a while for the magick to fully connect the whole drawing. Creation isn’t easy, y’know!” He replies.

“It’s not creation, merely transformation. Using magick in this pencil to give life-like properties to a simple drawing.” I inspect the drawing more, fascinated by the way it moved on its own. I wanted to know more about how this magick worked.

“You’re prettier up close, too.” He laughs, making me blush.

“Oh, I wasn’t,”

“It’s alright. I can see why you drew me.” He says mysteriously. I was going to question him, but he continues. “Anyways, I heard you were quite upset just now. Why is that?”

“O-oh, well… I got in a fight with the boys because they think I’m not capable enough to handle the magick of the pencil…” I explain.

“What? But you created me so well! How could you not be capable?” He defends me. I smile, appreciating the support.

“Hah, yeah I know, right? They said it would be dangerous and that it’d create something evil.”

“Evil? Do I look evil to you?” I laugh and shake my head ‘no’. There’s no way Castiel’s face could look evil to me, anyway. “I think they’re just jealous. They know they could never be as powerful as you to create such an amazing thing such as me!”

Jealous? I can hardly see Sam and Dean as the jealous type, but perhaps he’s right. They said they don’t want me to become too powerful to the point I couldn’t control myself, but maybe they just don’t want me to get stronger than them.

“Maybe you’re right. Hehe, thanks. You at least made me feel better.” I thank my drawing.

“Of course, creator. I hate seeing you upset. You look so much more beautiful with a smile on your face.” He compliments me, making me blush again.

“Oh, stop.” I giggle.

“I’m serious! I want to make you smile all the time. I can tell the real Castiel can’t make you smile like I can.” This concerns me.

“Well, I wouldn't say that…” Castiel does make me smile, and I love it.

“Not in the same way, I bet. Has he defended you like I have? Or does he side with them?”

“I guess he sides with the boys. He hates whenever I get into dangerous things.”

“Exactly! He thinks you’re too weak to handle it, but I know better. I know my creator is strong enough to handle anything.”

“Hah, thanks. I think I like you. I’ll keep you around for a while after all. You’re the only one that seems to be on my side.”

“Sam? Dean?” Castiel comes into the bunker with a bag in his hand.

“Yo! Oh, sweet! Is that pie?” Dean excitedly gets up to snatch the treat from their angel friend. Sam gives his an unbelieving look. “What?”

“I also got beer and a pumpkin pastry for Y/n. Where is she?” Castiel asks, looking around the room for her.

“She’s sulking in her room,” Sam explains, continuing his research.

“Sulking?” Cas asks sadly.

“Yup. She found some stupid pencil on the last hunt we were on. It was a witch’s so she thought it was magick or something.” Dean says, starting to devour the pie.

“She said it was supposed to bring the drawings to life, but it was a dud,” Sam says with a frown. Castiel didn’t like the idea of Y/n sulking, so he decided to check on her.

Walking down the hallway to her room, he stops when he hears whispering. It was Y/n and someone else. His heartbeat raced when he thought of her and some unknown person in her room. Despite his fear, he knocks on the door softly.

“Go away, Dean! I know you’re just gonna rub the pencil thing in my face!” I quickly hide my sketchbook, just in case he decided to come in anyways. However, it wasn’t Dean stepping into my room. “Cas!”

“Hello, Y/n. The boys told me you were upset about a magickal pencil.” He explains, walking over to me. He sits next to me on the bed. The big dig from his weight causes me to roll closer to him.

“Oh, yeah. I-it’s no big deal. I just mistook it as something uh… special…” I could tell Cas knew I wasn’t being totally honest. He seems to be able to read me like a book.

“May I see?” Castiel asks gently. I had forgotten I had thrown away the pencil until now.

“Uh, sure…” I hesitantly go to grab the pencil out of my trash bin. Handing it over, Castiel turns it in his hands to inspect it.

“I believe you’re wrong, Y/n. There’s definitely something powerful about this pencil.” He turns and sees my sketchbook hidden under my desk. “May I test it on that?”

“U-uh, sure…” I panic, but I can’t say no to him. I try to flip to a different page before he sees, but my drawing speaks up.

“Hey, you! Leave my creator alone!” He growls. I facepalm.

“Who said that?” Castiel asks confused.

“I said it, you brooding chicken!” My drawing insults Castiel.

“Hey, watch it!” I scold him.

“Is that… your drawing? Talking?” Cas asks bewildered. I nod, showing him the drawing moving around and making faces.

“You better leave my creator alone or I’ll fight you! You boys haven’t been giving her the respect she deserves!”

“What is he talking about?” Castiel asks me, clearly upset by my drawing’s words.

“You don’t think she’s strong enough for magickal artifacts! You don’t let her go into dangerous situations because you think she’s weak! You don’t want her to become more powerful than you so you put her down!” The drawing exaggerates for me. Castiel stands there staring with wide eyes.

“Do… do you truly believe this?” He turns towards me with broken eyes.

“W-well, not exactly all of that, but…” I stutter, now embarrassed by this confrontation.

“I don’t let you into dangerous situations because I don’t want you to get hurt. I care too much about you to willingly let you do something that can hurt you. I know you are strong enough to care for yourself, but…” Castiel stares straight into my eyes.

“Y-you care about me that much?” I ask.

“Of course I do, Y/n. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.” The honesty in his eyes fills me with joy. I never knew he felt this way. “I know Sam and Dean feel the same way, but I specifically can’t lose you.”

“Oh? And why is that?” I giggle, already knowing the answer.

“Well, I’m quite fond of you, Y/n. I make it my goal to protect you at all costs.” He reaches out to hold my hand.

“Excuse me? My creator doesn’t need you! She’s perfectly happy on her own with me!” My drawing butts in again. I grab him and crinkle him up, tossing him into the trash.

“It’s a shame you had to get rid of him. I especially liked that you had drawn me.” Castiel smirks.

“Oh, shut up!” I tease. Instead, he pulls me into a soft kiss. His lips are rougher than I thought but still perfect. We pull away and smile at each other.

“Let’s just keep this between you and me, okay?” I ask sheepishly, not wanting the boys to have more to make fun of me for.

“Alright. My lips are sealed.” He agrees. I pull him in for one last kiss before going back out to the boys, Castiel close behind with our fingers entwined.

[akatsukibandhscenarios]

55. First Married Fight

Pein It was quite uncommon for you and Pein to have any arguments. So you were surprised to find yourself very annoyed with him. Well not him, but his working habits. He was now rarely home and when he was at home, he usually was still busy to interact with you or your son. It was alright at first, but Elliot was missing his father now. So, you had to confront Pein. He was finally home but was held up in his office. Usually, you'd knock before going in, but this time, you didn't. You nearly burst into the room. “Honey, we need to talk.” It was clear in your voice that you were unhappy. “What is it _____, I'm busy.” He didn't even bother looking up at you. “I think you're working too much. It's starting to affect Elliot. He misses you. We miss you.” “I understand, but right now we have a lot going on. I can't afford to be home currently.” “Don't you care about us? You don't even greet us when you come home! Elliot cries for you now! If you aren't going to even speak to us when you're home, don't bother returning!” With tears in your eyes, you fled from his office, slamming the door behind you. Zetsu Arguments with Black Zetsu were common and frequent. You were used to his rude words, but you drew the line at him being rude to your children. Black Zetsu hardly even interacted with the kids, but when he did, he was incredibly rude to them. You mentioned it to Zetsu and told Black Zetsu to stop, but he'd ignore you. It all came to a head when Black Zetsu told Danny and Sammy that he regretted them being alive. “What the hell was that?!” You yelled after you'd finally gotten the sobbing children calmed down and away from Zetsu. “How dare you tell my children such a thing!” “They were-” You cut Black Zetsu off instantly. “Who cares what they did?! You don't tell your own children that you regret them being alive! That can cause damage to them in ways you clearly don't understand!” “Who cares?” “Who... You know what. Just go. I need to go and comfort my children. I don't want to look at your face for a little while.” “I'm sorry, _____...” It was White Zetsu, but his words meant nothing to you at that moment. You were too angry and upset to hear him anyway. Sasori You and Sasori had some fights, mostly due to his impatience. It was rare for you to be angry with him, but one topic always got you annoyed with him. It was him turning people into puppets. Especially when it was someone you knew. So, today when you walked into his workshop and saw a man you'd befriended, you were noticeably upset. “Sasori, what the hell is that?” You demanded as you approached your husband. “My newest puppet?” “He's my friend! I told you to stop killing my friends!” “He flirted with you, so it was time for him to be out of your life. No one flirts with what's mine.” “The hell? This isn't like you.” “I don't have time for this...” “You don't have time for your upset wife? Are you serious?” “_____, I'm losing my patience with this conversation, just go.” “Fine, I'll leave, but don't you dare enter my bedroom tonight. I don't want to look at you for now.” With that, you left the workshop. You couldn't believe he didn't care about your feelings after he caused you to be upset. How could he do such a thing to his wife? Itachi Fights or arguments with Itachi were practically nonexistent. You two got along very well and hardly ever fought about anything. So, you were surprised to find yourself getting irritated with your husband. Recently, he'd been overworking himself and not taking proper care of his body. You caught him a few times passing out or neglecting to take his medication due to being too busy. Serenity even saw him pass out a time or two, which scared her badly. It'd gone too far when you saw Itachi cough up blood. He became extremely pale and seemed like he would stop breathing due to how bad he'd begun to cough. He played it off as if he was fine though. “Itachi, you need to take better care of yourself!” “I'm fine _____.” “No, you are not! You are killing yourself!” “I'm already dying.” “I get that, but you can prolong your life if you stop working so much!” “_____...” “No Itachi! Do you want Serenity to grow up without a father? Do you want to leave us that badly?” “Of course not.” “Then take care of yourself dammit!” You then fled from him, upset and crying. You hated the thought of him leaving you and Serenity one day. Deidara Deidara and you had some arguments and fights, but it was never anything too heated. You always resolved your problems almost instantly. However, you were infuriated to hear that he was exploding nearby towns. It was due to him wanting to test his newest creations. “Sweetheart, why would you kill all those people?” You were trying to contain your anger as you spoke to him. “They died for the sake of art, hm.” “Art? Are you serious? You slaughtered them for the sake of art?” “Yeah, so what, hm?” “Those were people! What would you do if nova was killed for such a dumb reason?” “Dumb reasons, hm?” “Yeah, a dumb reason! Art is no reason to hurt innocent people! What you do for the Akatsuki is one thing, but this isn't okay!” “Enough _____, hm!” “Me? How about you enough Deidara!” With that, you stormed away from your husband. You were too annoyed to hear him for another second longer. You were so disappointed in him and his actions. “Don't walk away from me _____, hm!” You ignored his calls and continued to walk away from the blond male. Hidan Fighting with Hidan was a part of life. He seemingly loved to fight about anything and everything. However, you becoming angry with Hidan was rare. Other than his swearing, Hidan didn't anger you too much. That was until you walked into your living room and found your husband sacrificing someone. Specifically, it was a man who'd flirted with you earlier that week. He was a friend of yours until then, meaning he was off limits to sacrifice. “Hidan what the hell?” You called out as you watched the scene in front of you. “You swore my friends were off limits, but you literally just killed one of them!” “He fucking flirted with you! he brought this upon himself!” “No, he didn't. It was just harmless flirting. He didn't deserve to die!” “Shut the fuck up _____! I've already sacrificed him so it's too late now! You idiot!” “Excuse me? You know what Hidan, fuck you.” With those words, you turned around and left the room. You were furious with your husband and couldn't stand to be around him a second longer. You were worried you'd take his head off and throw it away if he even so much as spoke to you again for a bit. Kakuzu Kakuzu's money habits were the cause of many fights. He always won those fights and you allowed him. However, that was until this fight. Kakuzu was getting low on money and refused to buy more groceries for the house. More specifically, he refused to give you any money to buy the food you were going to be needed desperately. “You can't be serious. Kuzu, our child needs to ear. We need money to buy food.” “You have enough food. Just ration that.” Kakuzu was holding his case of money away from you protectively. “Kakuzu, what the hell? Kristina eats a lot. We need more money for food!” You were shocked at how strange your husband was acting. “I said no _____!” “Don't you love our child? Or me?! Do you want us to starve? Is money that important to you?!” “Of course it is.” He knew that was the wrong thing to say, but he couldn't help it. He'd been swept up in the anger of the heated conversation. In response, you just wordlessly stared at him with a disappointed look in your eyes. “_____?” You ignored him and turned away from Kakuzu. You had nothing to say to the man, so you just decided to just leave the room. Tobi There were no fights or arguments between you and Tobi. Since he was always so carefree, he never got mad at you or your child. However, that childishness was getting to be too much. He wasn't being an actual parent to Dexter. He was letting the young boy do whatever he wanted, which finally pushed you over the edge. You'd finally gotten angry with your husband. It was a strange feeling to have since you were rarely ever angry with the man-boy. “Obito, we need to talk.” “About what _____?” “You need to stop being so childish with your child.” “Why?” “He needs a father, not a brother and I need a husband, not another child.” “I have to act like this to protect us.” “Not when we're alone! I want my husband, not some baby!” “_____! Tobi is not a baby! He is protecting us, so be thankful!” “I'd be more thankful if he'd be an actual father!” With those words, you angrily ran out of the room. You couldn't handle talking to your husband for another moment. It was just becoming far too much upsetting and heated for you. Kisame Lately, Kisame hasn't been home enough for an argument or flight to happen. It wasn't like you got into too many of those anyway. Kisame usually didn't get angry with you and vice versa. It was a mostly peaceful household and it was great, until now. Due to the lack of Kisame, Alexander was growing quieter. He was missing his father a lot and you were missing your husband. Finally, though, he was home for a few days, so you decided to confront him. “Kisame, why can't you be home more often?” “I'm working to keep us safe and happy.” “I get that, but Alex is missing you a lot. He's not himself when you aren't here.” “He'll have to get over it because I need to keep working.” “Get over it? Oh, am I supposed to as well? Just get over missing my husband? Get over worrying about him?” “_____...” “No, I'll get over it. So will your son.” You instantly stormed out of the room. You couldn't look at him for another second longer. You heard him calling out to you, but you decided to just ignore his words and continue leaving. Madara With Madara, fighting and arguments were not too common. Sure there were some, but that was usually about something stupid. This time, however, it was about killing people. He'd begun to kill people from your town, and that wasn't okay at all. The person he ended most recently was a previous school teacher of yours. He was someone you had looked up to and ran into recently. So, this was particularly upsetting to you. “Madara! What is your problem! You said you wouldn't kill anyone from town!” “He was just a perverted old man who looked at you creepily.” “That's no excuse! He didn't deserve to die!” “That's where you're wrong _____.” “I'm wrong? You are the wrong one!” “I'm never wrong.” “Huh? Are you kidding me? Nearly every one you kill is innocent. You're always in the wrong!” “You have no idea what you're talking about!” With that, Madara walked away from you. He no longer wanted to hear the words from your mouth. It was just fine though. You didn't want to hear him any longer either. So, you made no attempts to stop him or call out to his retreating figure.

[bisexualraplines]

Wow I really thought that they were going to be a real thing after seeing those gifs. Is q/el officially done?

alright, I’m gonna use this ask as an excuse to talk about my thoughts post 4.12!

I’m honestly unsure, but it’d be a really bad move if they didn’t have a good outcome. it’d be exploitative, because they’ve leaned so heavily on it since season 3 from what I’ve seen in interviews and conversations, and for this show to ingratiate themselves into the conversation and actively support the relationship? they have to have known how this would come across. and this is why I’m still not believing that they are just going to drop it? to drop the storyline that boosted their views? 

I’ve noticed (from watching official itunes season recaps, especially) they sometimes even use the ship to market themselves. which, if it doesn’t end up happening, is really really shit. since 3.05, the first time they were together in a romantic sense, they were immediately praised and tons of articles popped up acknowledging their incredible queer rep. cause, they were great and unconventional and like nothing I’ve personally seen in fantasy. but its safer to separate them than have them actually work things out, right. maybe the buildup was for nothing and they had their chance. but then, the events of 4.05 proves that wrong. I’m going to stay optimistic, but I really hope I’m wrong, the showrunners aren’t assholes, and maybe this isn’t their intention. 

In the context of the show, and how I think its panning out: we need to remind ourselves Q has depression. he’s always seeking out ways to help, and to feel wanted, because of how disconnected he feels with himself and others. he’s talked about it on the show very often, and we already know that his coping mechanism is usually to seek out comfort from other people. the two people closest to him, julia and eliot, are not there to stabilize him during the stress and grief he’s enduring this season. without them, he’ll have to find someone else to confide in, which in this case is alice. alice is familiar, she’s comforting to him, they’ve been in a relationship in the past. I understand how much Q needs her right now - his mental state is very, very deteriorated and honestly I’m just waiting for him to have a breakdown. NOW. with eliot, we already know just how much he quietly loves Q, and how his greatest regret was not telling him, and for not accepting his proposal to try a relationship. eliot is a big, ole wimp. he knows that now, and we already saw that once he’s free, he’s determined to make it right with Q. however, its likely Q doesn’t know this and thinks eliot’s feelings are still the same. I think I’ve read in a post that Q and eliot’s last exchange before possession was eliot saying, altho half-jokingly, “go be life partners with someone else for a change”. then, in 4.05(?) he regains his body and takes that opportunity to talk to Q using their code “who else gets that kind of proof of concept”. its unclear whether Q takes that as a confession, but to the audience it feels like it. ROMAAAAANCE

so, in the end, I have suspicions of how it’ll pan out but we do need to remember those contextual things about Q’s coping, mental state, and current understanding of eliot’s feelings for him. alice is grounding him and probably the only thing preventing him from losing it, lbr. them entering a relationship is still reaaaaally fucking weird to me, because from what I can tell they haven’t really spoken about any kind of romance rekindling since season 2, so I don’t know if its a rebound in this case, or he’s just seeking comfort because he really, really needs it.

TO FINISH UP. I don’t want alice hurt if she is just a rebound, that’s an incredibly shit thing for the writers to do. Q is NOT the type to do that, especially since he’s always telling her she shouldn’t be hurt so many times. it’s just not what she deserves and she shouldn’t be reduced to that. they’ve had their time for their relationship, for their breakup, and for that chapter to close. they deserved that closure, and the show did it very well, so to have him get back together with her is just, ridiculous and infuriates me. 

so, I guess we’ll see in 4.13, but I’m worried, because they have 1 episode to make shit right.

AN ADDITIONAL THING BEFORE I WRAP UP: penny’s actor arjun tweeted reassurance to some fans that were upset about the episode. I’m taking this as a good sign, because he’s too good for this world and for any of us, but he also said he doesn’t want to say much to set up disappointment. either way, @ writers, make this fucking right.

FINI. I’m going to go get myself a croissant and have a little cry in a park

[dprdabin]

Korea's Rising Rap Star DPR LIVE Looks Back on 2017 and Talks New Plans: Exclusive Video & Interview

With an onslaught of addictive bangers and visually-captivating videos in 2017, DPR LIVE has ascended from an elusive, underground rapper to one of the most talked about and celebrated new voices emerging in Korea's rapidly growing hip-hop scene.

Since gaining recognition through knockout bars and a scene-stealing performance on the critically acclaimed viral hit "Eung Freestyle," DPR LIVE―real name Hong Da Bin―has excelled thanks to his chart accolades and internet co-signs.

The 25-year-old spawned two impressive EPs via his explosive debut EP Coming to You Live from March 2017 and stellar follow-up Her in December, the latter peaking at No. 8 on Billboard's World Album chart, despite no big-name features. DPR LIVE also played to sold-out crowds in Korea and London last year, scored a promotional video campaign with Nike, and racked up millions of views on YouTube, all helping him garner a legion of excited fans all across the globe.

Yet what really sets the charismatic rapper apart as one of the more interesting come-ups in 2017 is the fact that he has achieved all this as a completely independent artist -- a rarity in Korea's highly-competitive music scene.

DPR LIVE and his crew Dream Perfect Regime -- a creative collective better known as DPR -- have relentlessly hustled with nothing but talent and determination, all in the name of keeping LIVE’s budding rap career authentic and true to the crew's message. Never bowing to industry standards, the collective's focus on positioning DPR LIVE onto the mainstream radar has already paid off in a big way: The crew received their first major monetary investment in late 201, which helped fund a new Seoul studio.

While DPR LIVE has already made accomplishments most of his indie peers can only dream of, the young talent is eyeing 2018 with higher aspirations. Gaining stateside traction for his witty flow flips between Korean and English and forward-thinking ear, LIVE earned a slot on this year's massively-anticipated, sixth annual "Korea Spotlight" showcase at SXSW 2018 among some of Korean music’s biggest names -- like R&B phenom Crush, rock sensation Hyukoh and powerhouse diva Lee Hi -- all taking place on March 16 at the Belmont in Austin, Tex.

Ahead of his debut U.S. show, DPR LIVE exclusively sat down with Billboard Koreafor his first-ever, in-depth artist interview at his new studio to share his personal struggles, creative vision and goals.

Watch DPR LIVE’s recap video and read full interview below.

What were some of the challenges you faced in the industry as an indie artist without an actual label?

Oh man, where do I even start? We had a shit-ton of challenges. First of all, financing everything on our own was the hardest thing we had to overcome. We started with zero capital. No investor, no fancy equipment, no nothing. That’s why we had to start as a visual team, but that was probably the smartest move we made, to think about it now. Not only did we get a chance to showcase our talent, but it also helped to connect with other musicians and entertainment labels. It was a good way of learning the ropes of the Korean music industry; how it worked, how we needed to evolve to get to the next level, etc.

For a good two years, DPR REM [creative director] and DPR IAN [visual director] busted their asses shooting materials for other artists in order to help fund any and all of our projects during that time. And the more I think about it now, the more I’m grateful for that, you know? Cause I know it takes a lot of trust and commitment. They were sacrificing a lot, and that’s what fueled me when I was making music. I knew I not only had to do it for myself, but more importantly, for my team.

The second biggest challenge, I guess, was the fact that we were completely clueless. [Laughs.] I didn’t even know what it meant to "mix songs," or how to get distribution for my music. It was all trial and error, because none of us had any prior experience. We had no money or any real knowledge as to how this [music industry] really works― all we had was just a whole lot of untamed passion and a dream. If one approach didn’t work, we would learn from it and move onto the next one. We learned a lot in those years. That experience is what helped us launch our own company. Now, we get to run our own show and do exactly what we want to do. No one tells us what to do, what to make or how to do it. If we like it as a team, then we do it. That kind of freedom is truly incredible. Our struggles brought us closer together and I’m proud that we have accomplished this as a team.

What is your and DPR’s greatest strength and weakness?

Our greatest strength is that whatever we do, it’s organic. We also know each other so well now to the point where we can easily align our thoughts in such a quick way that it allows us to get straight to work. There’s really no buffer period or queue. We have our own system that works efficiently for all of us. But on the other hand, we can improve and learn how to expand and grow our team. We’re known to be mysterious and unpredictable, and we like that because it keeps our fans in suspense and on edge, but it makes it harder for all of us to bring in new members, because we are such a tight-knit group. However, I’m confident we’ll get into the hang of things in due time.

Last year was great year for you. What are some of the most memorable moments?

2017 has been a life-changing year for me and my team. I released two albums, moved into a brand-new, dope studio, got to travel to some awesome places and work with some amazing people. I honestly couldn't have wished for more. Although all these moments were significantly memorable, I’d have to say getting our studio was probably the most memorable moment of 2017 for DPR. Might not sound like a big deal to some, but you have to understand, we used to hold meetings ranging from coffee shops to even local karaoke rooms on a regular basis just to get some privacy at times. Now that we have a place we can all call home, with separate recording, producing and meetings rooms; it’s surreal, to be honest. Really goes to show what can be achieved.  

Any mistakes or regrets?

No, I don’t have regrets. Everything I’ve experienced was for a specific purpose, and I really believe in that. Literally everything. Although, I had a fair share of upsets and disappointments, now that I look back on it, I'm starting to see how it all came together. Each experience was meant to happen at that exact moment so that we can draw a bigger picture. I'm a huge believer in the whole "everything happens for a reason" quote and so is my team. DPR was basically founded upon that motto. We all happened to meet by chance if you think about it. A bunch of kids, who grew up in all corners of the world, somehow met up in Seoul and eventually came together to do what we do now as DPR.

Your debut EP Coming to You Live boasts guest features from some of the top names in the industry. How did you get them to collaborate?

It was a mix of good timing and mutual respect, I guess. DPR was slowly getting recognized in the industry as an up-and-coming visual team and that really helped my musical career and credibility. While I was in the studio recording demos, IAN and REM were hustling on the video side and doing whatever they could do to spread our brand name. It also helped us earn some money to finance whatever we wanted to do in-house. [Laughs.] Also, being featured on "Eung Freestyle," which was also produced and directed by my team, gave us a good boost. It helped start a lot of conversations with artists in general.

Your recent release Her has also been successful. What did you want to resonate with this project?

Her is a more genre-specific compilation of songs than my first EP. I wanted to get more personal and intimate with my listeners on themes relating to love and relationships.

Where does your musical inspiration come from?

For me, inspiration comes in many angles. I’d say half of it comes from just an array of talented musicians and their music. The internet in itself is inspiring sometimes. On the other hand, a lot my inspiration comes from my experiences in life and the things I place value on.

Why and how did you start making music?

I started making music when I was stationed in the Korean army. I went relatively early for my age, and I had a lot of free time on my hands so I would start writing whenever I had the chance. That’s where my passion slowly grew. It was a good time for me to reflect on my future;  I had a lot of thoughts/things I wanted to say. That’s where I really picked up writing song lyrics.

What goals do you have for 2018?

I can probably make a huge list of what goals I want to hit in 2018, but ultimately, I really just want my team to stay healthy, committed and passionate. That’s not only for 2018, but that’s really a lifetime goal I have.

And what's the biggest drive that motivates you?

I just want to release quality music and materials.  I hope we [DPR] never get lazy or complacent, and continue to challenge each other so that we can continuously push boundaries. It’s not easy to impress people these days, but to rise above that, and to see that stamp of approval and recognition from people is where all my adrenaline rush comes from. It drives me and my team to go beyond.

Where do you see yourself in the next few years?

Hopefully in the next few years, I’ll not only be a better artist myself but I hope to see our team grow and continue to do more exciting things together. Whether it be a visual thing, or a music thing, or something completely different, I just want to see us all succeed together. That’s really the main point.

In the end, it's not really the legacy that I leave behind, but the impact we make as a team. There aren’t that many teams like us in Korea and for that reason, it’d be really dope if we could almost set a benchmark or an example for the next up-and-coming generation of creatives to think outside the box and really learn to DIY. In the end, that’s what we did and it's been the best decision we’ve made.

© Jessica Oak @ Billboard

[jolteonjordansh]

Thoughts on Digimon Adventure tri.: “Our Future”

So… I really needed some time to ready myself for writing this last post. This is going to be a tough one, folks. Probably one of the tougher “Final Thoughts” posts that I’ll be writing. But I wrote one for the last five movies. It’d be a crime for me to skip out on the finale just because there’s a lot of tough things to deal with here. This is all my opinion, as all of my final thoughts posts are. So take it as that and nothing more.

I’ll also be more or less putting together my overall thoughts on Digimon Adventure tri in this post too, as well as its potential future. But that’ll be towards the end. For now, let’s get to talking about the last of the Digimon Adventure tri movies, from the beginning…

So if you’ve been around me long enough since I’ve started re-watching Digimon as a whole (and really getting a better introduction to it than I ever did in the past), you probably have a vague idea of the things I do and don’t like. One of these things I have not liked has been Kari Kamiya, the 8th DigiDestined in Digimon Adventure and also in Digimon Adventure 02. Her character always felt extremely artificial and barebones to me. She often was merely used as a plot device in the series and a Purity Sue. And somehow, she was even worse in Adventure 02. Despite having a whole series, she pretty much has no actual development as a character to me, and don’t even get me started on the Dagomon episode that decided to introduce that wretched Dark Ocean nonsense that never seems to die.

But if there was anything I felt Digimon Adventure tri did generally right, they actually made Kari a genuine character. An actual believable character with actual personality. Sure, she remained soft-spoken at times, but she had actually started to become more social and talk to her friends and keep legitimate conversation with them, she often set them straight many times throughout the series, such as with Tai and especially Joe, and she stood up to fucking Homeostasis. Yeah, that Digital World god-like entity that has possessed her several times now? She finally had something to say in protest. If that’s not one of the greatest moments we’ve had from her ever, I don’t know what is. And by the end of “Coexistence”, we got to see her crack. She was silent, but traumatized and filled with despair. Basically, she got to express actual human emotions besides her usual generic nonsense. I addressed all of this in my final thoughts on “Coexistence” (which I’m just putting down here for the sake of review), and I’m still bitter that said movie really didn’t give her an actual focus and it all turned into the Meiko show again, but I’ll get to some of that later.

We do get some make-up for that. While it’s still not as much as I wanted, Kari deals with a lot of despair throughout this movie with Tai’s “death” and feeling at fault for it. And Dark Gennai rubs it in her face later on, really hammering it in for her. To see this character I just could not care for actually be given a human personality was just incredibly rewarding to me. I know some people have complained that a lot of it is just her going “Oni-chaaaaaaan~!”, but you have to keep in mind that her brother is basically her world. We’ve seen very little of her social life (the only things I can recall are the birthday party in Our War Game and some moments in Adventure 02), but it’s always been clear that Tai has been a very important part of her life. It’s not even just the fact that she potentially lost her brother that’s upsetting her either. It’s the fact that she truly believes that it’s her fault. And that’s probably the hardest part about it to her, as Dark Gennai rubs in. So even if Kari didn’t really get as much as I wanted, she got enough of that development for it to be satisfying. And I really began to feel that her relationship with Gatomon was more than just the whole destiny schmuck they forced down our throats in the Myotismon arc of Digimon Adventure.

After Kari breaking from the start though, it almost feels like there’s some serious nonsense filler throughout the movie despite that a lot needs to be addressed in this final movie. Ordinemon is shown to be stupidly OP by taking out six Mega level Digimon in one hit and reduce them back to In-Training forms, there’s more Meiko crying, a lot of exchanges of “We should do something!” and “Should we do something?” and the military trying to fight Ordinemon. Because, you know, it’s worked so well in every other past Digimon series. It’s a shame the Adventure universe doesn’t have their own Hypnos to even stand a chance.

There is, however, a really good scene with Matt and Gabumon. Matt is clearly dealing with the loss of his boyfriend best friend Tai and how to be a leader for the rest of the DigiDestined, and Gabumon comes in to give an extremely supportive talk with him, as well as a wonderful bond moment with him. This kind of harkens back to Matt’s darker moments towards the end of the Dark Masters arc and even sort of rhymes with the scene of Patamon and T.K. in “Confession”. I found it extremely effective and honestly a necessary moment for Matt. I feel like if there had been more moments like this, T.K. and Patamon’s coping scene, Joe and Gomamon’s argument, and Tai and Agumon’s own coping scene for all of the DigiDestined throughout these movies, there would have been a stronger impact from them overall. But I guess they all can’t be as strong as one another.

Now, I’ve said both Matt and Kari are both dealing with the loss of Tai in this movie, as well as a bunch of the other DigiDestined (Sora has a moment, and it leads to a hilarious scene of Piyomon thinking Matt made her cry and basically I just love protective Piyomon in general what a good birb), but… You all know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. And we all knew it before this movie was even announced and the moment Tai “died”. Tai never died, and he was never going to die. One of the biggest problems was how much they played up Tai’s death (or return if you’re Agumon), when you know damn well he’s fine between things like trailers and even elements as simple as the movie poster. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if this whole thing didn’t last for nearly the entire movie. It takes well over 30+ minutes for us to see that Tai is alive and well, and the Adventure crew doesn’t even see that Tai is, in fact, alive until the last 20 or so minutes of the movie. It makes the whole thing so dragged out and forcing unnecessary tension. It’s wasting time because we already know what the outcome is going to be like, and all of that wasted time could be used for making tri a better story, which spoiler alert: it isn’t.

When we do get finally see Tai though, we get two things: 1. Nishijima’s inevitable death, because he was one of the good characters in tri imo and of course they have to kill him off to explain why he wasn’t in the Adventure 02 epilogue (for some reason I guess), and speaking of Adventure 02… 2. The fate of the 02 kids. Even to people who hated Digimon Adventure 02, almost completely ignoring their existence throughout the series was absolutely maddening for just about everyone watching this series. And what’s their excuse for their absence? It’s about as disappointing as you would expect. The scene from the beginning of tri where it looks like they’re being killed? That was Alphamon defeating them as the 02 kids apparently found out what Yggdrasil was up to, so they were “silenced” and then put into some pods in a sort of cryogenic sleep to keep them from getting in the way.

The whole execution of this is just… so lazy, put-together and insulting on so many levels. Even when we find these damn kids, we don’t get to see them do anything, let alone actually get to see them! They’re silhouetted still for whatever reason, are sent to the hospital immediately after being brought back to the real world, and for some reason aren’t even around in the flash-forward towards the end of the movie with the rest of the DigiDestined three months later. Maybe whatever they went through warranted them being in the hospital for three months, but I really find that to be a flimsy excuse at best. We don’t even know where their Digimon are or what happened to them! They’re probably fine, but it’s called explaining Toei! It’d be nice if your writers could try it in this series rather than just constantly piling up more mysteries than this plot ever needed! And just so I can say my piece for all of the needless speculation going on in the fandom: No, that 5th silhouette is not Ryo. It’s clearly the actual Gennai since he has the ponytail. But then again, I can’t entirely blame the fandom because the writers of tri literally explain next to nothing and it leads to all of this freaking speculation when they could just easily answer it! God, and I thought we were done with The Problem with Ryo…

I get the whole 02 kids debacle has been talked about and discussed to death, and what I’m going to say really isn’t going to add to anything that someone else has probably already said, but I just don’t understand why we couldn’t have the 02 kids involved. I mean, I have a good idea of why, and I’ll get to that at the end, but was it really so hard to have an Adventure series where both the original Adventure and Adventure 02 kids got to go on, dare I say, an adventure together? Not with the original cast in the background like in Adventure 02, not like in tri where the 02 cast was pretty much nonexistent, I mean actually having them work together like a freaking team for a change? Or how about using any Adventure 02 elements in general? Even T.K. and Kari utilizing their Armor Digivolutions like Pegasusmon and Nerfertimon would have been neat! What the hell was stopping them? It’s not like the Armor Digivolutions are completely useless. As someone who enjoyed Adventure a lot and can accept Adventure 02 as a passable follow-up, I just don’t understand why we can’t have the whole Adventure universe. It either has to be the original Adventure, or Adventure 02. It can’t be both. It’s just really disappointing that both have to feel so segmented when tri would have been the perfect chance to make those series feel cohesive for once. But I guess Revenge of Diablomon was our only chance at anything like that.

Alright, so the 02 kids were handled poorly, blah blah blah, this has been talked about to death by everyone watching tri ever… How about along with the fact that Nishijima was killed off, Himekawa was nowhere to be seen in this movie? Her fate is left open after what happened in “Coexistence”. It’s possible she is still alive and it was left open on purpose, but at this point I’m going to personally maintain the belief that she died in the Dark Ocean because none of these writers can leave that stupid plot element alone for five seconds. But color me disappointed when we didn’t get to see anymore of insane Himekawa. What a tease. And you know who else doesn’t appear in tri? Alphamon, who seems to have just fucked right off after “Coexistence”. At this point, his only purpose in tri was just a plot obstacle for the main cast, which is just a really lame way to utilize him. He didn’t even get to talk for crying out loud!

Yggdrasil gets no real physical form in the Adventure universe, which honestly just left me empty. I get that Yggdrasil is a digital being, but it’s really hard to fear Yggdrasil as an antagonist when he basically ends up being all talk and no real action in this series. Dark Gennai, Alphamon and by extension Meicoomon did everything for him. Why should we be scared of a guy who we see no real action from? At least in Digimon X-Evolution and Digimon Savers, we get to see how much he has a true grasp of control over the Royal Knights and eventually that amazing climactic battle in Savers. In tri? Everyone just talks about him and what he wants to do. We see no action from him. Sure, Homeostasis is never seen either, but it has always been established as a sort of mysterious being with a lack of physical form—more like a force that keeps the stability of the Digital World. Yggdrasil is just an antagonistic force that we know pretty much next to nothing about. It’s all just extremely disappointing how much is built up and how little payoff we get in return for it all. If Yggdrasil is meant to be a sort of exact opposite force to Homeostasis, then establish that! But they don’t do that either. Really, it feels like both Yggdrasil and Homeostasis are similar beings and it’s almost hard to distinguish them in this series when it really shouldn’t be.

On the note of Homeostasis, Ordinemon’s destruction starts to get so terrible that Homeostasis wants to do another reboot. But now it requires a reboot of the actual real world. At first, I thought there would be an actual more complex way of describing this; hell, maybe it was even timeline/worldline jumping to a more stable version of the universe. Nope, they literally want to reboot the real world in more or less the same way (and try to explain it with science, but we all know when Digimon tries to use actual science, it comes across as incredibly stupid). This would basically mean all manmade technology would be rebooted from the start and cause a huge catastrophe for mankind with them being so reliant on technology. This basically comes down to Hackmon responding with “Tough shit,” and Izzy naturally being upset and wanting to find a more proper solution.

Okay, to be fair, Hackmon is actually a little more complex about this than I describe. While he is carrying the will of Homeostasis as a sort of agent, he has his own agenda in mind, actually believing the bond between humans and Digimon to be extremely important and the key to survival for both worlds, more or less. He describes this in a conversation with Meiko, and honestly… it actually makes him one of the more interesting characters, especially for a lone Digimon with no human partner on hand. But much like Alphamon, after he actually convinces Homeostasis to stop the second reboot and lays a devastating blow on Ordinemon as Jesmon, he also fucks right off immediately afterward. But hey, at least he actually did something.

There are also two “returning” characters I’d like to bring up since they’re serious elephants in the room for a lot of people. Let’s get our favorite dead buddy out of the way—No, not Leomon. I’m talking about our good friend Wizardmon who appears in this movie for a maximum ten seconds tops. Now, to be fair, literally the only thing we had to go off of was his hat being sneakily hidden in the last movie poster in a corner. However, my counterargument: You cannot bring back such a cult favorite character only to not only be so brief but also be so utterly pointless. Kari needed Wizardmon to bring her attention to Gatomon? Why not have her hear Gatomon’s voice calling out to her to bring in that attention? It’s not a reach for a character like Kari at all, who seems to have serious intuition and is sensitive to supernatural events in general. This is the kind of bringing back of a character that falls into the lowest levels of pandering. Even if it hadn’t been teased on the poster and fans had not hyped this up, I still think this as a “surprise” would have been just as disappointing.  Having Wizardmon show up for something so brief and so little to do with him means nothing in the end, and comes out as a cute nod at absolute best, but also an outright disappointing inclusion at worst. Remember Wizardmon’s appearance in Digimon Adventure 02? It actually meant something because he guided the characters towards a destination in the plot. Here? He just appears and fulfills a purpose that could have easily been done in any other way. And when Adventure 02 has shown technical better writing skills considering the mess it can be, you have really, really screwed up.

Now the other “returning” character? Devimon. But of course, it’s not the same Devimon we know from the original Digimon Adventure, which is exactly what I expected. It was an easy but also cheap attempt at bringing in viewers and nostalgia pandering through trailers. It’s an easy way to garner up hype culture, which many people know I tend to dislike as it is. But honestly? This Devimon being a different Devimon isn’t really my problem. What is my problem is how it affected everyone else involved. T.K. has the briefest among briefest reactions to Devimon—the same kid who was absolutely traumatized over losing Patamon to him during Adventure 02. I get that T.K. has already had his character arc in tri and he has probably grown more or less out of his fear of Devimon especially, but I would have expected a bigger reaction than what we got. And on top of this, Devimon—a Champion level Digimon—beats MagnaAngemon—an Ultimate level Digimon—down to an absolute pulp. I have mentioned how I like that Digimon levels do not always necessarily matter in battles with the right amount of training, but this was just inexcusable and insulting. Look back at Adventure, where Angemon was able to beat a Devimon fairly early into the series (even if it was at the expense of dying), and Angemon could even stand up to Ultimate level Digimon himself at times, while MagnaAngemon was able to finish of Piedmon. Adventure 02 was very inconsistent about how powerful Patamon was in general, but whatever. Here? This was honestly absolutely pathetic to watch. I would have been fine with an actual decent one-on-one battle where both actually put up a good fight, and maybe MagnaAngemon does end up losing, but MagnaAngemon gets kicked around like nothing more than a freaking soccer ball. I feel like, if anything, that should have definitely gotten a huge reaction out of T.K., but it was nothing out of the usual. The whole moment was just so poorly executed and felt like cheap and horribly done fanservice, much like Wizardmon.

Speaking of characters being overly hyped due to trailers, a lot of fans were ridiculously excited over Magnadramon as Gatomon’s official Mega (the 02 movie is still not canon). And while I’m personally a fan of Ophanimon because I think it just fits the line better, I personally didn’t mind Magndramon being there. However, the moment they revealed Omegamon form #34—Omegamon Merciful Mode—I immediately knew that Magndramon would easily get overshadowed and have her thunder stolen away by Omegamon. And surprise! That’s exactly what happens. Magndramon gets her Digivolution animation and a total attack scene count of one before Omegamon uses the powers of the other Megas (And Meiko I guess) to achieve Merciful Mode.

And really… I’m not too keen on it. Don’t get me wrong, Omegamon is a cool Digimon, but not only do I just think there are cooler Mega level and even Ultra level Digimon out there, Omegamon is just kind of overrated to me in the same vein Mewtwo can be in Pokémon. Not to mention, it just feels like Adventure’s version of Gallantmon Crimson Mode, which just makes Omegamon needlessly more powerful and once again, continues to ignore Adventure 02 where they had Imperialdramon Paladin Mode. It also just shows how unbalanced the fights were in this movie when Ordinemon was so overpowered that Omegamon needed a new mode to actually defeat it.

But I guess before I get to some of my biggest gripes with the movie itself and what it did rather than some of what it didn’t do, I should cover the technical aspects. I don’t have much to say on the music—it was all fine and good. A lot of it was reused from earlier movies, but there was that really awesome guitar cover of Butterfly when Gatomon Digivolved and finally achieved her Mega form. And of course, there is the Butterfly cover done by all of the DigiDestined and their Digimon as the final ending theme. And I think I did like it, but at the same time it didn’t really break me to tears like I was hoping it would in a similar way the use of Butterfly did at the very end of the original Digimon Adventure. I think a lot of that has to do with me being sort of bitter towards tri and how it ended overall, but I don’t want to get into the rest of those details until the end.

When I watched “Coexistence”, I expected all of the series’ best animation to be saved for “Our Future”, but ironically… it almost seemed like the opposite. Now, “Our Future” did not have the worst animation of the movies—there were actually some really good moments, such as pretty much every moment with Magnadramon and a few of the fights and some of the shots with the Digimon. But at the same time, “Our Future” really began to show just how flawed some of the animation in Digimon Adventure tri is. I certainly don’t think it’s the lowest tier of animation in all of anime, as there are definitely so many worse examples out there. But there are moments where the cheap budget of it can stick out. Still shots, choppy animation, off-model characters, or just weird scaling were all present throughout the movie. There was also the reuse of animation, specifically for Digivolution scenes, but those don’t really bother me. I mean, if every other Digimon series does it, what’s wrong with tri doing it? I only wish MetalGarurumon got his Digivolution shot in fullscreen—he sadly never did. Though I can agree by a certain point, having Warp Digivolution scenes for the Digimon would have certainly sped things up and given time for other moments, though at least they learned to box the animations together. Otherwise, I feel tri’s animation is average enough, but I do wish it had really excelled in this last movie rather than just being more average. Oh yeah, did I mention that “Our Future” is filled with ass shots of Ordinemon throughout the whole movie? And I mean filled with ass shots of Ordinemon (What, were you guys expecting me to actually deliberately search and hotlink examples? Hell no).

Now, getting to the worst parts of the movie unfortunately involves me talking about my favorite characters in this whole series. Who’s ready for me to talk even more about Meiko and Meicoomon? No one? Too bad! This whole damn series revolves around them! I specifically avoided talking about them because I know plenty of people complain about Meiko and Meicoomon (moreso Meiko), and a fraction of people do like them, so if you want to get out of me talking about everything wrong with them in this movie and how much they hurt this series as a whole, you best step out now. Otherwise, I have a lot to say, so buckle up.

So remember how the Digimon lost their memories after the reboot in “Confession”? Some of you might have forgotten, because by “Coexistence”, it almost feels like the reboot had no other effect on them. They don’t really focus on how much the memory loss affects their relationships, or at least how much it hurts. They kind of just blankly mention “Oh, you don’t remember this,” but that’s about it. But regardless, when the memories were lost, I was worried about multiple things: A. The Digimon never getting their memories back or B. The Digimon getting their memories back, but in a really convenient way. When moments like this happen in storytelling, I’m the kind of cheap person who wants my happy ending. But at the same time, I want that happy ending to be warranted. I don’t want it to be cheaply earned—it has to be worked for. So, what did I say in my final thoughts of “Confession”, in quotes?”

Whether the Digimon actually retrieve their memories or not, I think that either way, the writers are going to have to handle things very carefully from here on out. They can’t just pretend that everything is the same once the DigiDestined form new bonds with their Digimon, and they can’t just give the Digimon their memories back without some good explanation.

Meiko only continues to feel further shoved into this entire world, and Meicoomon somehow retaining memories unlike the other Digimon partners definitely gives the “special snowflake” feel, unless they have a damn good explanation for it. 

Well, Past JJ, I have great news for you! Not only is Meicoomon still an absolute special snowflake, there is no actual good explanation for the Digimon retrieving their memories or how Meicoomon kept hers! It’s about as forced, contrived and convenient as you can imagine! In fact, maybe even worse than you ever imagined! You wanna know why? Because it all relies upon those gosh darn wonderful special snowflakes of Meiko and Meicoomon!

Turns out, the memories were never erased at all! In the reboot, the memories of literally every Digimon were somehow stored within Meicoomon (except Hackmon and Alphamon I guess, because fuck, let’s make them special snowflakes too) and are locked inside Meiko’s Digivice! And if they can figure out a password Meicoomon would have for these memories, they can restore every Digimon’s memories! And of course, what else would that password be but “DanDan”/“Ta much” which was that first thing Meicoomon said in the first movie? Meanwhile, Izzy is a kid genius who can crack codes, develop his own servers and technology such as ways to actually preserve the Digimon’s memories himself, but could not brute-force a ten character password? But who cares about logic? Once that password is in, everyone’s memories are back! Man, I sure feel like that loss in “Confession” was worth all of this strife only for the memories having been right in front of their faces to easily just put back all along! Everything about this was so rightfully earned back! /s

Yeah, let’s put that overly optimistic sarcasm aside for five minutes. Because I hate, and I mean absolutely hate that such an important loss from the third movie—one that was made absolutely touching, heartbreaking and built up to such a degree could be easily put back into place with just a simple phrase, like all they needed to say was freaking Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo. I get that Digimon has always had its own fair share of plot contrivances, but after going through three movies of this and executing this tragedy in such a way that takes the viewer on such an emotional ride, I just feel cheated. Like what I felt basically was for nothing and I cried and worried over nothing. You know how when you have seemingly devastating situations in real life, like you lose an important item or document that could mean a life-changing moment for you, like earning a job? So you panic and cry over losing it and potentially ruining your own life, but then it turns out, whatever you lost was in the backseat of your car the whole time, so your crying was for nothing and you feel like a big idiot for panicking over something that had a very simple solution? That’s more or less what this whole situation feels like, except there is really nothing to laugh off because I feel like I was cheated out of a good story just for a throwaway character to have her spotlight.

“But Meicoomon’s not a throwaway character if they spent all six movies focusing on her and Meiko!” maybe you might think. Except she absolutely is a throwaway character by the end of the movie. You know how Meicoomon was basically the cause of all of this grief for all of her going berserk? And how everyone knew that they could kill her to stop all of this, and back in “Coexistence” Meiko even begged for the DigiDestined to do it, but they couldn’t because “she’s our fwiend!!!!”. Guess what they do by the end of the movie? They kill off Meicoomon with Omegamon Merciful Mode, literally the whole reason they made up that new form.

Now, part of me is trying to do my absolute best to understand what the writers were trying to express with this. The whole message seems to be that “sometimes you have to make hard decisions”, and honestly? That’s not a bad message. But I have two major problems with this being in Digimon Adventure tri, as there are a number of moments this whole message is contradicted. When the kids lost their Digimon’s original memories to the reboot, they thought they had to make the hard decision of moving on with their lives and letting go of an important part of their childhood. But in the end, they didn’t, because they realized they could still hold onto that childhood if they wanted to, but they had to hold onto it. They couldn’t give up on it.

My second problem is that this whole conflict of “not killing our fwiends!!!!!” with the DigiDestined just feels wasted and pointless if they were going to end up killing her anyway. Yes, people do have to make decisions like that, but to have to develop that for five full-length movies for over two years? The execution is just awful. And this is so much worse when, again, the DigiDestined have only known Meiko and Meicoomon for only a few months at best, giving them all of the care and catering in the world, meanwhile they couldn’t care less about the 02 cast whom they experienced whole adventures with and have known for three years at this point. Once again, the logic and execution here flies straight out the window. This all hurts this decision even more when the scene does come up, it feels extremely out of character. Sure, Tai has his new resolve, yet Kari immediately goes into the spiel of “You can’t kill Meicoomon or I’ll never forgive you!” but then ultimately decides she’s going to help in killing Meicoomon. I get the logic behind it, that she’s essentially bearing the sin of doing this with the rest of the DigiDestined, but going from “not killing our fwiends!!!!” for five movies to ultimately making this dark decision makes it feel out of character for not even Kari, but just about everyone. No one else really disagrees with it in the end. They just accept it so easily despite having fought over it for the course of several movies. It feels like all the struggle the DigiDestined went through of not killing friends, especially when the infection was rampant in “Confession”, was wasted.

So Meicoomon is killed off, they make a farewell scene for her and Meiko, yada yada, and I find myself trying so hard to care about this in the moment. I was genuinely trying to feel bad for Meiko, despite how much I have come to hate her character as well as Meicoomon’s. But by the time it came to all of this, I was just outright empty. I couldn’t feel anything for them. I simply didn’t care. If there was anything I thought? It was simply “Good. Fucking. Riddance.” And while I realize me hating Meiko is simply my opinion, watching “Our Future” made me seriously realize something about Meiko. Not just that she’s a poorly written character, I easily came to that conclusion by the time I watched “Confession”, but she’s honestly a terrible person. No, not just a terrible character. I mean, a really, really terrible person when you consider so much of her behavior.

There’s the saying that a bad person can make a great character, but the problem here is that the writers are trying to convince you that Meiko is a good person. Yet she is anything but a good person based on all of her behavior. She has her social awkwardness, sure, but that’s just her Mary Sue flaw (which is only so much of a flaw with these kinds of characters). She is honestly an extremely selfish, pitiful person with hardly any ability to feel empathy for anyone but herself. She has a legitimately messed up mentality. Don’t believe me? Let’s go over some of her actions.

So after Meicoomon Digivolves into Meicrackmon Vicious Mode, she’s obviously in despair. Fair enough. I think anyone with a Digimon partner would feel that way, even to the unhealthy degree that Meiko does. But let’s flash-forward to the point where T.K. confesses that Patamon is infected. He trusted her with that information because she would understand it better than anyone. She should be supportive to him for such a tough situation, right? She is… for a couple of seconds. Immediately after, she quickly starts to throw her own pity party how about it’s her fault that it happened, which naturally makes T.K., being the nice guy he is, start tending to her instead of himself when he is in a damn tough position. She forces him out of his own grief to tend to the sudden mood swing of her own, and leaves him to feel sorry about it when she runs off. In the same film, when T.K. tries to convince her to go to the Digital World to meet Meicoomon, she has a hissy fit about not wanting to see Meicoomon and actually being glad the reboot happened so she doesn’t have to worry about Meicoomon and the Digimon anymore. I mean, fuck how the rest of the DigiDestined not just among the original eight, but the rest of the world feel, right? I addressed this in my final thoughts on “Confession” and I think to be fair they kind of point out her behavior is wrong by dragging her to the Digital World in “Loss” with an unexplained distortion, but this still is a display of her extremely unhealthy character.

This doesn’t even stop there. While “Loss” might have been the best display of her character where she actually tries to do things on her own and even stands up to a stupidly bratty Meicoomon, she’s coddled by the other DigiDestined and she immediately regresses back in “Coexistence”. The whole movie ends up being her own pity party over Meicoomon (again, fuck how everyone else is feeling), and in “Our Future”, she has yet another instance of directing grief away from someone else and towards herself. When Kari starts blaming herself for Tai’s death, it doesn’t take long at all for Meiko to immediately start pushing the blame on herself and for the other DigiDestined to feel pity for her over it. Also, compare their reactions to both of them. Kari, who has every right to feel as upset as she is about losing her brother, the most important individual in her life is taking on the blame of the situation, and everyone quietly feels sorry for her, as if knowing coddling will not help the situation. Cut to Meiko doing the exact same thing, except having honestly much less reason to be feeling the kind of position Kari is in, and everyone coddles Meiko and tries to reassure her that it isn’t her fault. When you break it down, Meiko is an extremely unhealthy individual who is always desperate for attention when she feels bad over something. Sure, you might argue that she sometimes locks herself away so not to get this attention and the writers probably didn’t do this intentionally, but there are some legitimately bad implications going on here. It’s like the writers didn’t even read their second or even first drafts.

On top of all of this, Meiko never truly develops as a character. If anything, Meicoomon’s death is the only thing that actually changes her because she finally stops crying over her every five seconds. But she never gets to advocate for herself because the other DigiDestined are constantly diving in to save her (again, “Loss” was pretty much the highest point she ever had and it wasn’t even anything incredible), she never gets over Meicoomon or stops thinking about her until finally making peace at the end of this movie, and her general behavior never really changes otherwise. No one even calls her out on her behavior because she’s perfect and can do no wrong in everyone else’s eyes. Honestly, when you really think about it, everyone should be mad at Meiko in some form. Maybe not hate her, but not once does anyone deal with any frustration with her. It’s almost like because Kari was made an actual character in tri, in exchange they had to make an awful clone of her. There is truly nothing to compare Meiko to other than a horribly written Mary Sue self-insert fanfiction, all perfectly topped with the writers trying to pull off ship teases with her and Tai. Awwww, I think I’m gonna be sick.

And… I don’t know what else to say about “Our Future”. Honestly, as many complaints as I have about this movie, it has its good moments. It’s not even the worst of the Digimon Adventure tri movies. It just that it has its good moments, but also so many bad moments that it honestly makes it hard to enjoy. And really, I think that sums up tri for me in general. I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever. I don’t even think it’s the worst Digimon series ever. I would still consider others I’ve watched like Digimon Frontier were written worse overall. I want to enjoy Digimon Adventure tri, but the team working on it makes it extremely difficult to enjoy tri. It certainly has its good moments. And when it has its good moments, they’re really good moments, but the opposite is also true. When its bad moments are bad, they are really bad. They can be downright awful even, and it’s really a shame that the second half of tri really dropped off after it hit such a high with “Confession”. Do I regret watching it? No, not really. But… it was definitely hard to sit through at times. I can say I will definitely look back at it for the good it brought to the table, but the bad will certainly stink like rotten food in the fridge for a long time to come.

Now, comes the inevitable question and topic… the sequel hook of Digimon Adventure tri. By the end, Dark Gennai disappears into the Digital World and babbles on about bringing in Daemon or maybe Diablomon, and we hear the Digivice beep at the end of the film, much like the end of the original Digimon Adventure. And on top of this, the tri Twitter account posted an announcement of a new project, as well as the English Toei Animation Twitter. The wording of it implies something related to the Digimon Adventure universe.

From my perspective, based on all of the open ended plot points like Dark Gennai still running around, Alphamon, Himekawa’s missing status, the Four Sovereigns being ignored after the reboot since they’re a pretty important part of the Digital World, the whole “Digimon who died in the real world are brought back to life after the reboot” nonsense that was just dropped in out of nowhere (Was that a mistranslation? Because at this point its lack of mention or being addressed makes me wonder if that was ever a plot point that existed and if I just accidentally made it up), and the 02 kids just being ignored in general… makes me believe we’ll be getting a sequel focused more on the elements of Adventure 02. And with all that’s happened… I’m really torn on it.

On one hand, I really want these plot points to actually be resolved. I want the 02 kids to get a true chance to actually develop as characters. I want to see their Digimon again. And honestly? I would love for each 02 kid to have a full Digivolution line for their own Digimon, all the way to Mega form. But at the same time… Digimon Adventure tri has really tired me out. If we were to get a sequel, I want the writers to actually be competent. I want them to write an actual series that can stand on its own without relying on future sequels.  Hell, maybe even a new team of competent writers if necessary, because at times it really feels like the writers for tri just didn’t have a proper grasp of Digimon Adventure and its canon. And part of me wants Digimon to just move to a Digimon Tamers sequel after the recent drama CD and Chiaki Konaka’s interest in writing a sequel series. And knowing the depth of Tamers, I know it could be pulled off extremely well with the right treatment. So I’m truly, legitimately torn. I guess for now, I’ll just wait and see where Digimon moves from here, and enjoy what we have of the franchise. After all, I really need to get to the Digimon video games.

So ultimately, if I had to grade the Digimon Adventure tri movies in order:

Confession > Determination > Reunion > Loss > Our Future > Coexistence

And with that, this finally closes the doors on Digimon Adventure tri… I mean, I wish I could say that with true satisfaction, but its open-ended nature and reliance on a sequel really leaves a bitter taste in my mouth… Maybe, we can at least get a better sequel in the end. If you guys want to bring up something I didn’t mention or have a discussion, feel free to send an ask I guess? Because I wouldn’t be surprised if I missed something about tri, good or bad. And hey, at least Digimon Adventure tri gave me this adorable shot of the Digimon as a parting gift.

[patience-hope-strength-courage]

Judgement - 28/12/2020

Do you ever feel misunderstood in life? I have and do often. It’s rare to find people who understand and accept you the way you are. I am lucky though as I have found people who do but they don’t come along often. Those who I have I hold very close and I’m incredibly grateful for.

Unfortunately though there’s been so many times I’ve felt judged or misunderstood for the way I am. For my Mental Health struggles, for the way I have to abide by rules and do what I feel is right. For being “too nice” and a people pleaser. For struggling with different family dynamics because mine wasn’t always conventional. There’s been many times I have felt judged and it’s hard to put into words really.

When I was at school I felt judged for being “a goody two shoes” as some described me. For being a bit different to others. I always did my homework, I always listened and worked hard. Not because I thought I was better than anyone but because I loved to learn and because I always believed that’s what I was at school to do. I was also very scared of being told off or getting in trouble. I never wanted to let my Dad down and he would have been very disappointed if I’d got detention or been in trouble. I thought he would love me less if I didn’t always do the right thing. I’m not sure I felt this way but I just didn’t want to let him down. Parents evenings would terrify me because I was always so scared of teachers’ saying I hadn’t worked hard enough or was in trouble even though I knew I hadn’t been. I’d love to understand it more because I’m not actually sure why I felt such a need to always be so “good”.

I have also always needed time on my own, to cope, process feelings and to just recharge. People haven’t always understood this and actually still don’t. They assume I’m antisocial or it’s personal or that I don’t care as much. It’s honestly none of those things. If situations are overwhelming for me I have to take myself away at times just to process it all and feel more comfortable. I’m aware it’s probably strange but it’s part of my personality. The majority of the time I am able to socialise and appear “normal” as some would see it. At school when it came to chatting with friends or friendship conflicts sometimes I’d be fine and able to cope and be present but if my mind wasn’t in the right space I’d need to withdraw and be alone in order to recentre and spend time with my thoughts. It’s so important for me to do this. I think as time went on people understood more or at least accepted that this is what I needed. There were always those who judged but I guess that’s life.

As an adult I still need time to myself. I genuinely enjoy it and get a lot of energy from it. I am then able to be my best self when I do socialise. It’s less obvious most of the time as an adult because when I need space I don’t make plans and then when I feel up to it I can see people and spend time with my friends or family. Its hard to explain but I guess I find socialising quite stressful sometimes. I think because I’m an anxious person I build up to things and constantly think about making sure I don’t say the wrong thing or upset anyone. I then always worry about what people are thinking of me - what I’m wearing, my make up, watching my behaviour. I’m fully aware that most of the time people don’t even pay much attention this these things but I just worry about what people think of me always.

This year has bought to light my quirks I guess because the being at home part of lockdown I haven’t found that difficult. Obviously I’m incredibly lucky to live with my husband and daughter and I feel for anyone who has been alone this year and found it incredibly difficult. I’m more than aware I’m in the minority in life and it’s tough. Unfortunately the time spent at home reminded me how much I do enjoy my own company doing activities like writing / reading / watching tv / going for walks which are good things for me however many don’t see these in the same way. It tends to be in the evening I do these things as my days are preoccupied looking after my daughter which brings me more happiness than I knew possible. My days with her are so special and I’ll never take being a mum for granted. I love having weekends with her and my husband. My own family that we created together.

It’s really hard to explain because I do enjoy socialising especially with those who I’m very close with but I guess it’s do with how comfortable I feel in a situation and if I feel up to it. I prefer to socialise 1 on one or in small groups. I enjoy deep conversations about life and feelings. I’m not great at small talk, although I can be pretty convincing when it’s needed. When most of the world was desperate to be able to see people and socialise again for me it felt different. Of course I missed people and wanted to see them and talk again but it’s been harder for me. It reminds me a bit of being back at school and needing to spend time with my music on to find balance again.

I’m sure with time and once things begin to improve again in the future I’ll find the right balance of being at home and socialising with people more. Things like eating out or going shopping that I always thought I enjoyed before I just haven’t missed which has been unexpected. Now I’d much rather go for walks or cook at home. I think maybe it’s made me appreciate the simple things in life that are easily taken for granted. There are people who can’t afford to cook food which to many we don’t even think about or realise how lucky we are at times. It’s made me more appreciative of things like that. Being able to go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air does wonders for my mood.

This year has changed me but I don’t think that has to be a bad thing? People are so quick to say we need to get back to how things were before, but what if we don’t want to do things like we did before? What if we want to change are ways? Why is that seen as a negative? I’m aware my anxiety about things isn’t necessarily a good thing and I’m working on that but I don’t feel all changes have to be judged that way.

Becoming a mum last year will have also changed me and I always thought the changes I felt were positive but I fear others don’t see them the same way. I feel like I’m viewed by some in a different way now I’m a mum and after this year.

I’m sure it’s no surprise after what I have written about following rules at school that I have abided by the rules during the pandemic. For me it would never cross my mind not to. We’re told what to do and why so therefore I do. I know there are people who don’t agree with this and break the rules for a number of reasons but for me I feel it’s important to do what we’ve been told. I feel like it’s the right thing to do and also like I’m doing my bit to help things improve for the future. Again I don’t think I’m better than anyone for doing this but I do struggle to get my head around why people feel it’s okay to disregard the rules but that’s a topic for another time.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel judged and always have. Not by all but by different people at different points in life. I know we all judge people, everyone does even without even meaning to at times. I know I have and do and then immediately feel guilty for doing so. Perhaps people judging me for being “a goody two shoes” or following the rules is the same as me judging someone who breaks them? I’m not sure on the answer but an interesting thought. Maybe it comes down to our beliefs on what feels wrong or right in life.

It’d all be easier if I didn’t care what people thought of me but I do and always have, despite wishing I didn’t! It’s an ongoing internal conflict. Maybe I should stop judging myself so much too...

I’ll write more about this another time, my thoughts are getting a bit messy now but hopefully there’s something in there that makes a bit of sense. Time to sleep and let my thoughts drift away again.

Goodnight World.