#how will i do this in 45 mins/1hour

[i-wanna-b-yours]

30 jumping jacks Burpees: 25x1 set Walkouts: 2mins (maybe 3) Plank up and down, plank twist: 10x1 set Core Crunch: 25x1 set

[keagan-ashleigh]

Those last eps are making me cry so much though, not only because of the whole drama going on in the show, but because I sort of intertwined it with my feelings, like, I said in a previous post last year, spn has been there all along in my life for 15 years, it sounds cheesy but true, it's been there, the show ending feels like an era ending, and this year, it's been harsh.

I "broke up" with my best friend after 25 years of friendship and it hurts... so much. They tell you about sentimental break up and how it hurts but there is no songs, no books, no movies, for broken friendships and how much it burns inside. People tell you that it's nothing, that it's how it's supposed to be and that it doesn't matter, but it still hurts so much. It does matter to me because she was my dearest friend, she was my family, and she was sort of a soulmate because she understood me and I understood her. I feel an emptiness in my chest and in my guts each time I think about her, I have nightmares, and I can't stop thinking about what we were, what she became, and how irremediably broken everything is. It's been months since I told her goodbye, and almost two years since I know our friendship is over, and I'm still no fine, I feel broken. And I feel even more sad knowing that she doesn't seem to care, she didn't even try. She just let me go. I sometimes have to remember what happened, some days I wake up and feel like this was all a dream, I sometimes catch myself hoping we can go back to where we were. What a show has to do with that, is that it's an ending. This story ends, this one too, I can't help but link those two things.

And as if I needed more pain coming my way this year, my aunt died from lung cancer and we weren't able to say goodbye because she was living far, we just couldn't. We weren't this close, we weren't seeing each other much, but I loved her. She was on the side of my family that never betrayed us, she and my uncle were always there for us, they always gave us support when hardly any one else did. I have known she was dying since march, and she passed away two months ago. It still feels so weird, sometimes it feels like "no, this isn't real, it doesn't feel real". But it is.

Nothing that happened this year does actually feel real, you know, it's all so surreal, in my own scale as in a larger one, it all feel so strange. It's just that I have a hard time snapping out of that state where I'm stuck between before and after, if that even makes sense. It just feels so unreal, like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and, everything is back to normal, my friend is just like the loving and caring person I knew her to be, my aunt is well and happy with my uncle, my life is on its tracks, and everything is just as it was supposed to be. But I know it isn't and it distresses me.

I'm on the verge of turning a page for good and it's scary. It maybe sounds nuts but that show ending feels like a symbol and so, I am only sad because one of my all time favorite show ends but because something is ending in my life. I have to turn that page, I have to stop trying to strech that storyline or whatever, when that show ends I will not only say goodbye to characters I love and a story that has brought me so much hapiness and comfort, I am going to say goodbye to the past, so I can move on.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant but there is hardly any other website where I can express this. I do see a psychologist but I don't know why I can't get that out with her, I can't explain. I just know people here gets what it is like to love a show so much it becomes a part of your own story, people here know what it feels like to say goodbye to a show that has become like an old friend. This is the fandoms hellhole after all, am I right?

Anyway... This was a nice end, can't wait for the very last.

[SPOILERS HERE ]

I'll still be mad if they don't sort destiel out nicely though, as much as I love that show I do think we deserve better than a kill your gays down our throats after all these years playing around with that ship. It was beautiful scene and dialogue, and I think it was beautiful for Cas to sacrifice himself for Dean and everyone else (again), but it felt bittersweet not having him back after Jack got the power to bring him back. But there is a two hours episode to fill so (edit - 1hour recap + 45 min I have been told - well, still a lot of minutes to fill I think, there is room for a little hope), why not have just a little hope... I don't get my hopes too up but I have still hope, wasn't this season about hope somehow? I don't even ask for Dean to answer to Cas' love but just having him not dead, I think that's mostly what we're asking for, we'll be ok (but not 100% happy) with him openly gay and alive, still better than yet another kill your gays, we're all so tired of that trope, can't we have one gay happy ending for once?

So. Yeah. I look forward to this grand finale. I do.

[randomsworld]

Day 6/100 of productivity

03/08/2020

Managed to wake up at 6:45 (I'm honestly amazed on how I'm becoming in tune with waking up early - you feel so good knowing you are up before everyone).

I made myself breakfast I dont know about you but I really struggle with consuming the most important meal of the day . I consider eating my breakfast as an act of self care and productivity.

I did a 15 min meditation session. The waves were rough here but worth it and the birds competing on getting the little squiky voice heard.

I got ready for my day by making sure the house is clean. Working in an organized space is very beneficial and helps you to stay focused.

I started using my journal wrote and answered 15 self-discovery questions that really changed and motivated me.

I was inspired by @scentofambition trying out an online course(using COURSERA). I decided taking on programming (html, CSS, javascript) . I found a hobby that I can do which will empower me and I've always wanted to learn coding. (Any programmers here dm so I can bombard you with questions).

I felt so disciplined when I stopped scrolling on the website and researching things that weren't on my to do list.

I had to edit my PAT again. Finally got hold of my teacher so I'm going to do this project right. I'm being very careful and thinking thoroughly over it and reading my guidelines.

I started using ONENOTE to make my notes digitally, I've always wanted to do it. So I decided to take write all my notes on the app and learn how to use it. I decided that it was very affective . I used 2 text books and summarized the information. I could do tables, diagrams and all the good stuff. Which took me an 1hour.

I was so satisfied that I wanted to share my notes!!

At the end of the day I rewrote my notes in my note book and taking the only important things. It helped making my notes nice and organize the diagrams

Couldn't believe how fast it was and effective. I'm currently working on my Biology Excretion in humans

I started doing my trigonometry (identities ). Did I mention I'm teaching myself .

I think I'm going to sleep late working on my maths.

Anyone know how to fit reading your literature book I need to finish Macbeth for my English but I cant seem to find a time to fit it in , please help.

I listened to a wonderful Ted talk thought I should share.

[smithbysmithies]

how easy is it to get to the best buy at holyoke mall?

Hello!

Holyoke Mall is the closest large shopping mall to us with everything you need (best buy, apple store, clothing stores, etc), and it’s a good 30 min drive away. Without a car, you can take the bus, but it takes 45 mins-1hour. I have personally never gone without someone driving me there since the bus seems like such a hassle, but I do have friends who have done it and came back! Another option is to uber there, though that would set you back around $30.

~Naomi ‘19

[annashute]

Summer body

Hey everyone!

The warm weather is finally starting to creep in, yay! I say yay... but there are a million people right now straight stressing. Why? because now the pressure of the “summer body” is also creeping in. 

So what is a summer body? Do you have an image in your head of what it is? Probably... most of us do, at least for ourselves. Many of us are looking to lean out and tone in preparation for summer. That’s great! It’s healthy and normal to lean out in the warmer weather as most of us become more active. Our bodies naturally adjust with the seasons. We tend to eat a bit cleaner, have smaller and lighter meals, and of course do our part at the gym to tone up. These are all super normal things.

What isn’t normal is feeling so pressured to look a certain way that you’re feeling stressed, anxious, sad, etc.

So SO sooooo many people I know are feeling like this.

I get it 110%, but at the same time I don’t agree with it, and I’m not going to go along with it like It’s normal. No one should be so caught up in their appearance that it affects their mental health. 

Social media has so many of us brainwashed. We all spend hours of the day online consciously and subconsciously comparing ourselves to others. Not to mention comparing ourselves to people who have surgically altered their bodies. I have my own strong opinions about that & I’ll keep them to myself because nobody asked me. But just keep in mind that if someone is changing their body in an unnatural way, you really shouldn't be comparing yourself at all... That’s like comparing a plastic fruit bowl apple to a real apple. There’s nothing to compare besides the appearance of it... you can’t compare taste, feeling, smell... and if someone is making an argument that the plastic apple simply looks better, you’re going to look at them and say well duh it’s plastic, it’s not even real. Celebrities and social media influencers have an entire team of people behind them. They have coaches, nutritionists, managers, makeup artists, estheticians, trainers, etc. They also pay for or get comp services to enhance themselves regularly that most of us can’t even afford. On top of all that, people show their best self on social media, not day to day reality.

We all have strengths and weaknesses, not just in appearance, but in everything. That’s what makes you unique... Being unique is beautiful. I could go super deep into this and preach on and on about how we should all embrace ourselves but you’d all fall asleep. lol. One piece of advice I wanna say... when you can have confidence in yourself, people will perceive you differently. 

I find it easier to accomplish my goals when I put less pressure on myself. I tend to put the most amount of pressure and really beat myself up about things. So going into this season I’m trying to be more relaxed. Being more relaxed and less stressed makes it easier to lose fat, eat healthy, sleep better, etc.

I started doing a little bit more cardio and HIIT training. For a while I’ve just been warming up and lifting. Now I’ve added a couple days a week where I don’t really lift at all(or if I do it’s very light), and I do 45-1hour of cardio or HIIT. On 1-2 of my lifting days I’ve added in 20 mins of cardio or HIIT at the end of my session.

One workout I’ve been loving is a kind of HIIT circuit that is very leg and ab focused:

- 15-20 reps resistance band kicks out to the side(one side only)

* 25 crunches on the ab crunch machine

- 15-20 reps resistance band kicks out to the side(on other side)

* 25 crunches on the ab crunch machine

^For 4 sets... then repeat with kicks to the back for another 4 sets

- 20 reps kettle bell lunges to the front

* 25 crunches on the ab crunch machine

^For 4 sets

- 20 reps dumbell alternating squat to jump squat(unweighted)

* 20 sit ups on the sit up bench 

^For 4 sets

- 20 reps sliding lunge/squat using a slider under the lunging foot(one side only)

* 20 weighted pull throughs in a plank

- 20 reps sliding lunge/squat using a slider under the lunging foot(other side)

* 20 weighted pull throughs in a plank

^For 4 sets

- 20 reps dumbbell alternating squat to good mornings

* 25 crunches on the ab crunch machine

^For 4 sets

When I do this circuit I don't break in-between the leg exercises and the ab exercises. I use the ab exercises as the break.

I will TRY to film this and post it. Give it a try and lmk what you think!

[musclegymfactory]

Weight Loss Tips And Compatible Diet

Weight Loss Tips With Compatible Diet

Weight loss tips are divided into two categories:

Nutrition Weight loss tips 

1- Calculate calories 2- Decrease daily calories 500 to 800 calories a day 3- Early morning green tea without sugar and on an empty stomach. The green tea effect on an empty stomach is decreasing the Glycemic Index with 20% and burn 70 to 100 calories of body fat. 4-Drink Black coffee 30min before starting the workout it helps to increase metabolism. 5- Protein and fibers and important in each meal 6- Apple vinegar ( 2 spoons + 1 cup of water ) take it 30minutes before the seconde of the third meal never take it after.

Training Weight loss tips 

1- Walking for 30minuts to 1hour each morning after drinking the green tea. 2- Do the Stomach Vaccum exercise daily 3times 4 series. 3- Strength training just after drinking the black coffee 4-HIIT Cardio for 30minutes divided into 5 - 25 - 5. - The first 5 minutes heating up - 25minutes 1minutes with maximum speed and 4 minutes of walking slowly but don't stop repeat it five times. - Then the last 5 minutes is for walking slowly to cool down the body.

To take weight loss tips, you need to know why you are already gaining weight to avoid making the same mistakes. Being overweight or slim is two sides of the same coin, the main cause of these two problems is the Calorie burning rate or what we call Metabolism. Metabolism: Or what is known as the calorie-burning rate, which is the main reason for determining human weight. How to Increase metabolism? Metabolism 1- Muscle Tone & weight: Those who want to lose weight must work harder to increase muscle strength than to exercise on cardio. To do that you need strength training more than any other type of exercises This is mainly due to the increase in the size of the muscles when doing these exercises, which helps the body to move the fat in it and therefore it is easy to burn it. 2- Morning workout: Starting your day with some morning exercises turn your body into a fat-burning machine, due to the high increase of the metabolism your body will continue burning the fat with the same average for the whole day. You can do any type of exercises but it is preferable to use strength training with high intensity and low rest time just for ten minutes. The hormones responsible for weight gain are insulin and growth hormone.

Apple cider vinegar for weight loss tips

The best diet for these weight loss tips

as you can notice that many of these tips are something to drink. And because the losing weight process is to decrease the insulin level down to zero while we need to increase the growth hormones level and to do that we suggest the Intermitting fasting as a perfect diet compatible with these weight loss tips provided. 

If you have some serious eating problems and you can not stop yourself then this program is yours.

It is forbidden for pregnant and breastfeeding women and children, and those who suffer from anemia and a lack of basic elements such as iron

How to start with the intermitting fasting and use the weight loss tips:

The intermittent fast divided into three famous types :

Type N°1 EAT-STOP-EAT

This types divided into two subtypes: 1-1- 24hours without eating and 24 hours of regular eating. 1-2- 24hours with eating just 25% of daily calories and the next 24 hours of regular eating.

Type N°2 Periodic fasting

This type is also divided into two subtypes: 1- 3 Days of eating just 25% of daily calories and 4 days of regular eating. 2- 2 Days of eating just 25% of daily calories and 5 days of regular eating.

Type N°3 One day fasting

This type is also divided into three subtypes: 18:6 - 18hours of fasting and 6 hours of eating. 16:8 - 16 hours of fasting and 8 hours of eating. 20:4 - 20 hours of fasting and 4 hours of eating.

The Benefits of the intermitting fasting

at the fasting period, the insulin in the body comes across to zero while the GH or the Growth Hormone is on a high level. The Growth Hormone multiply by 1300 for the women while it's multiply by 2000 for Men's. ghrelin hormone Or the hunger hormone leptin hormone or Satiety hormone This increases the percentage of the hormone satiety (leptin hormone)  while reducing the proportion of the hormone of hunger (ghrelin hormone), so you feel that you do not need to eat all day. The Sides effects: The intermitting fasting can be dangerous for your health if you are not following a good healthy diet contain all the essential macros also if you are not drinking to much water during the day all of this can drive to something like Headache, dehydration, and coma so be careful when choosing your diet program. 4 TYPES OF DIETS COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER

What Happen when you are on a diet for 36 Hours

The intermittent fasting divided into three periods and they called the :

1- The feed stage

at this stage is after eating and lasts for four hours. The main source of energy in this period is the glucose present in the blood and the glycogen present in the liver and muscles, and because the amount of sugar in the blood is high after eating, the body stores it in the form of glycogen in the liver or performs the lipogenesis operation which is the process of forming fats

.2- Early fasting stage

And this stage lasts from 12 to 18 hours, during which the body secretes the hormone glucagon, which stops insulin action to maintain the moderate level of energy in the body. During this process, the body feeds on the glycogen present in the body.

3- Fasting Stage

This stage lasts from 12 to 36 hours, during which the body relies on body fat as a primary source of energy. By the end of this stage, you will find that your body consumes more Oxygene because he is entring on the fat-burning process. At the minimum type of intermitting fasting, your body will use the fat for four hours as the main source of energy and this, in my opinion, is the best weight loss tips ever. Notice You can not take all the 36 hours continuously or your body will enter in a starvation mode and at this moment your body will stock anything you will eat like fat to protect you.

How to Success on Intermitting fasting 

1- Total calories: There is no need to start this diet if you are not calculating your daily calories. 2- Do not eat too much at the first meal: if the first meal contains too many calories than the insulin level will be automatically up to normal and at this moment the body will store almost all the food as fat. 3-Sleep: when you are in the intermitting fasting that means that you are in a state of recovering all the essential hormone and this can not be done without having enough sleep at night. 4- Water: as an essential nutrient you should take at least 2 Liters of water each day. 5- Everything with 0 calories is allowed such as black coffee and green tea 6- Walking for 60minutes maximum at the fasting period you can also play some aerobic exercise.

How to eat on intermitting fasting

While you are reading you may ask yourself how could I eat all my calories during the eating period. start with dividing your calories into three meals. 1- should be at the first 30 min of the eating period and contain protein and fiber only. 2- should be before the training session at the gym or home and must contain carbohydrates, proteins, fats, and fibers. 3- should be at the last hour of the eating and must contain the same macros as the second meal.

How to train on intermitting fasting

7 Exercises to strengthen your body muscles

PLANK 45-60s Russian Twists 11-12 repetition Scorpion 3-5 repetition Mid-back extension 11 -12 repetition Overhead forward Lange 6 - 8 repetition Rotational shoulder press 6 - 8 repetition Alternating row 10 - 12 repetition 15 EXERCISES AND TIPS TO LOSE FAT BY TRAINING LEGS

After reaching the Goal what's next?

Once you start in the first week the results will begin to appear, the extra weight will disappear as soon as you reach the 15 to 20% fat percentage, you can continue with the diet and the results and more results will appear When you see that the weight of the body has been stopped going down then reduce 100 of your daily calories and so on. Never dispense with drinking water, as it is essential to the full functioning of the program.

Not familiar with the intermittent fasting

If you can not or you would not take the diet above you can follow these weight loss tips with a regular diet it could be hard at the beginning especially if you are not familiar with diets before. You just have to complete the formula which is decreasing the insulin and increasing the growth hormone while you are following a good healthy diet rich with fiber and protein and less with 500 of your daily calories. In a regular diet, it's hard to maintain the zero level of insulin but you can increase the GH with some foods and high quality of sleep, the results may take time but in the end, you will reach the goal. My brutally honest review of The 28-Day Keto Challenge

FEATURED, weight loss from Blogger https://ift.tt/2PNSB6S via IFTTT

[keto]

Keto Authentic Indian Dishes I had a request over on the main Keto sub to provide some of my authentic Indian dishes that I find fit well into my keto lifestyle. Below are my go to recipes and I've included some tips and alternatives before the recipes as some additional info. If anyone has questions or thoughts please feel free to comment or PM! There are a lot of vegetarian dishes that can be keto friendly as well so if you're interested let me know and I can get those together too!I am going to preface this with the fact that I eat these dishes while fasting 16 hours so really this is my only meal in the day which means I have a little more room to play with in term of carbs. I also split these recipes over 5 days worth of meals which makes is keto friendly for me. I love my Indian food and for me these are incredibly filling and flavorful but not something you can eat as part of a three meals a day keto plan unless you're SUPER careful about your carbs for the rest of the day :-)All of the ingredients listed below can be found in an Indian grocers or online. Patel brothers is a good online grocer that we used to use before making the decision to just drive down to Boston once every 6 weeks or so. If you don't want to purchase ginger garlic paste you can of course make your own by buying ginger and garlic at the supermarket. I tried to call out what ingredients are NOT essential that would need to be purchased at an Indian grocers, such as tamarind paste. It definitely adds to a dish but if you don't want to bother getting it it's not going to be a huge deal. That said kasoori methi is absolutely essential to a good chicken tikka and it's cheap so if you can get to an Indian grocer I suggest you do.I usually have these over cooked cauliflower or cooked broccoli, I am usually too lazy to rice the cauliflower but if you want that rice feeling you can totally do riced cauliflower! I have actually found frozen riced cauli at my local Sams club!Variations on the below dishes;I like to add chopped bell pepper to my chicken tikka every once in a while, adds a little different flavor and bulk esp if I miscalculate how much chicken I've got left in the freezerthe same base recipe can be used to make paneer (vegetarian) versions of both the tikka and the korma. You can find paneer either fresh in blocks that you cut into squares or frozen already cubed in a lot of Indian grocers.Here come the recipes!Goan Pork Vindaloo2 lbs of boneless pork½ cup apple cider vinegar (you can use white if you want either works)2 tbsp ginger garlic paste1 pod brown cardamom (crushed open but left whole)1 tsp cumin seeds1tsp poppy seeds10 whole black peppercorns4 whole cloves1 tsp mustard seeds1 stick of cinnamon, halved1 tbsp tamarind paste (if you don't want to purchase this it's ok to leave out)½ tsp turmeric4 or 5 Thai green chiles (or 2-3 jalepenos)1/3 cup of your oil of choice2 large red onions sliced1 tsp steviaSalt to tasteToast cumin seeds, mustard seeds, poppy seeds, peppercorns and cloves in a dry pan until they start to pop. Toss pork, vinegar, salt, toasted spices and one tbsp. of ginger garlic paste in a glass bowl. Let sit at least an hour, overnight if you can. Heat oil in a saucepan over medium high heat, add chopped garlic, ginger garlic paste, brown cardamom pod and onion, cook until browned lightly – about 5-7 minutes. Stir in pork AND the marinade until the paste starts to brown, about another 10 minutes. Add salt to taste and 1 ¼ cups water (you can use a broth instead if you'd like) Reduce heat to medium-low and cook covered, stirring occasionally until pork is cooked through and tender. Depending on the heat of your stove this could be 45min – 1hour. It's next to impossible to overcook this.Chicken Tikka Masala2 lbs boneless skinless chicken thigh2 -3 tbsp lemon juice (fresh or otherwise doesn't matter, can use white or cider vinegar if you don't have any on hand, you just want the acidity)2 + 1 tbsp ginger garlic paste1 can tomato paste16 oz container of heavy cream2 large red onions diced4 tbsp Tandoori chicken masala1 cup of plan full fat yogurt2 tsp garam masala1 tsp turmeric1 tsp ground cumin1tsp ground coriander3 green Thai chiles (or a couple jalepenos – and to your taste)1 tsp whole mustard seeds1 tsp whole cumin seeds~ ¼ cup of Kasoori methi (can be found in Indian grocers, looks like dried clovers and smells like horse hay but ESSENTIAL to this dish)1/3 cup cooking oil of choiceChop chicken into bite size pieces. Mix yogurt, lemon juice/vinegar, 2tbsp ginger garlic paste and tandoori chicken masala together and add chicken. Marinate at least two hours, preferably overnight. In a skillet heat oil and add cumin seeds, mustard seeds and cook until they start to pop. Add diced onion, chopped chiles, ginger garlic paste and remaining spices (EXCEPT the kasoori methi, save this for last) and cook until onions are browned. Add can of tomato paste and about ¼ cup of water just to thin it out and let things marry properly. Cook for 5-10 minutes on medium low to remove the acidic taste of the tomato. Add chicken with the marinade to the base then enough heavy cream to create a good gravy. It doesn't need to be exact, make to your taste. Cook covered on low for 45 min to 1hr until chicken is cooked through and the gravy is nice and thick.Chicken Korma2 tbsp ginger garlic paste2 tsp garam masala1 tsp turmeric1 tsp coriander powder1 tsp cumin powder1 tsp cumin seeds2-3 Thai green chiles (or jalepenos – to your level of spice)½ cup almonds¼ cup cashews2 lbs boneless skinless chicken thighs¾ cup plain full fat yogurt2 tbsp tomato paste6 green cardamom pods (crushed open but left whole)¼ your cooking oil of choice4 tbsp butter2 large red onions diced1 can of coconut milk OR equivalent heavy cream with flaked coconutChop chicken into bite size chunks. Grind almonds and cashews until fine. Mix yogurt, 1 tbsp ginger garlic paste, tomato paste, ground almonds and cashews and cardamom pods in a glass bowl. Add chicken and cover, marinate 2 hours or overnight preferably. Heat oil and butter in a pan, add cumin seeds and cook until they pop. Add 1tbsp ginger garlic paste, onions and green chiles and cook until onions have browned slightly. Add the remaining spices and cook an additional 2-3 min on medium low heat. Add chicken and its marinade to the pan plus can of coconut milk or heavy cream & flaked coconut and cook on low covered until chicken is cooked through.Apologies in advance if there are any typos, I totally wrote these up while sitting on conference calls all day today :-P reach out with questions!EDIT: Formatting & left things out!

[leahafairchild]

now it's my turn :D 5, 13, 15, 18, 43, 143, 151

Let’s go!

5- 4 turns on: Honnestly I’m not sure of what “turns on” mean... XD

13-Favourite color: Hm.. Probably a dark red!

15- Favourite quote: Omg I can’t choose one! Maybe this one from City of Heaven Fire by Cassie Clare “Heroes aren't always the ones who win," she said. "They're the ones who lose, sometimes. But they keep fighting, they keep coming back. They don't give up. That's what makes them heroes.” 

18- Do I use sarcasm: A.L.W.A.Y.S! Omg I can’t live without sarcasm! My mum is always mad at me when I use sarcasm. One of my friends used to call me “Sassy Kitten” because of that.

43- How long does it take me to get ready in the morning: It depends on what I have to do! But generally I wake up 1hour- 45 min before the time I have to leave home, I don’t wear a lot of makeup so I use most of my time eating and dying on my bed because I need more sleep o/

143-Favourite pizza toping? I looove pizza with pineapple! Or with salmon **

151- What I’d do if I won in a lottery? I don’t know! I would probably buy some gifts for my familly and friends , travel a bit around the world (and buy fabrics for my costumes XD)

Thanks again for the numbers!

[heyyy-its-korean-music]

Song Recommendation | Trimming Grass Off My Father’s Tomb | Sam Kim

아버지 묘의 풀을 베며 (Prod. By 윤도현X허준) - 샘김 (SAM KIM)

I’m a huge fan of Sam Kim. No Doubt. So...being the fan I am, I like to watch episodes of shows he’s been on. In this case, “Birth of a Song” // “Melody to Masterpiece”. 

The show is quite interesting. A melody is introduced (w/ lyrics) and 2 producers are chosen (out of a bunch) to compete against each other to create their own song/ rendition of the given melody (with the help of musicians/ singers of their choosing). They are given the task to complete the song within a certain time limit (1hour/ 45 mins). People vote for the winning rendition.

Any who, Sam Kim was in this episode and he was chosen by the producers Yoon Do Hyun and Heo Jun. And I gotta say, those 2 made the best decision. Typically with the producers in this show, they choose a wide variety of musicians (usually 8+ people)- which can get quite hectic when you’re working under the pressure of the time limit. However, Yoon Do Hyun and Heo Jun chose to work with only Sam Kim and the result of their work is just beautifully heartbreaking. 

The composer of the song/ lyrics was Kim Chang-Ki.

Kim Chang-ki wrote this song on the subway to the funeral of his hubae’s (junior’s) father. His hubae was almost disowned by his father, so Kim wondered how his hubae would feel if he had a chance to trim his father’s tomb later. Kim hoped this song would made many parents out there say sorry to their songs and daughter for all their harsh words towards them and also make them say “I love you” to their children.

This song was so emotionally moving, it seemed that everyone on the show was nearly brought to tears. 

[I don’t think that this song was legitimately released as a single, but it’s just such an amazing song to listen to.]

English Lyrics:

(the lyrics are kind of a mesh between 2 translations that I though would be more accurate and deliver the message more strongly)

I hated you. I  resented you. “Why can’t you just take me that way I am?” “Why can’t you just understand who I am?” People say you loved me but I can hardly believe that.

I drink a cup of bitter soju I pour the next cup for you. I ask, “What made you hurry?” “Did you really have to go like that?” “Did you hate me that much?” I say, “There’s things I want to tell you.” “There’s things I want to hear from you” “I want ot know what I meant to you.”

(I remember) the song you sang for me and your condemnation that made me bleed. I want to be held against your wide chest again. Though I’m your damn (pathetic) hopeless son

Please tell me you love me. I can’t hear your voice. Tell me already that you love me. I can’t hear your voice.

Oh~ Yeah yeah yeah Oh~

(I remember) the song you sang for me and your condemnation that made me bleed. I want to be held against your wide chest again. Though I’m your damn (pathetic), hopeless son.

Please tell me you love me. I can’t hear your voice. Tell me already that you love me. I can’t hear your voice.

I hated you. I  resented you. “Why can’t you just take me that way I am?” “Why can’t you just understand who I am?”

[dabumbumblife]

MICU Days

As some of y'all know, I find myself around the world for some reason or another. Well... this time it was in an MICU in the philippines. No guys, i'm fine... it was for work purposes. There's so much feelings and emotions that I have and yet... I just can't seem to put sentences down to cope with it all, but here I go. Time to walk down memory lane! So, I was working in the MICU for clinical duty. My patient was in pretty bad shape... If I listed his conditions (multiple) and described how sad it was... you all would probably cry on your keyboards. So, i'll just say the man was in bad shape. He was also in such a horrible way, that unlike my other classmates, I was only given 1 case. Yes, the patient was THAT difficult. The first day I thought it was just a body... No response... no eyes looking around... nothing. But I could see the air being forced into his lungs. I could see the machine literally forcing it down his windpipe and seeing the chest compressions. I feared... I didn't even realize what this man had... I just wanted to help him. Even now I remember his face while I was "cleaning" the tubes via a "suctioning" technique. Its taking a straw, and jamming it down someones mouth to suck out stuff... horrible sight guys. The man couldn't talk... he couldn't move.... But I saw him... he was crying. His face stood still... but his eyes looked at me... just tearing up. My heart fell as I saw this. God knows how his family felt... standing by and assisting me, as I went through the ropes of what it meant to help a patient of that level of disability. When I finally got to reading his history and charts... and started talking to his family (with the help of a translator)I... I had to excuse myself for a bit. Like... I hid inside my own head as I looked at the paperwork, rather than dealing with what was in front of me. This man has seen the world, experienced so many things! lived a life of a real traveler... only to end up in a bed like this. I honestly didn't know how to react. Anyway, after doing what I assume is the job, I left and came back the following day. It was like a completely different person! When I spoke, the man was responsive! he could open and close his mouth. He could smile. He could swallow. He even gave me a "wtf you mean!?" look. There was a part of him in there... that was still alive... still trying to live despite his condition. It made me happy. I thought maybe... Just maybe I was doing something right. Maybe this is the path for me after all and that I have the skill/knowledge to keep going. The third day came... and the guy was back to his vegetative state. I had come to realize that the day previously, he was hallucinating and probably thought I was one of his loved ones. It hurts to go into the ring seeing people like that. Yeah the job is "easy" but... man it takes alot out of you. When we went on break I know we were fooling around for way to long. What was supposed to be 45 mins, ended up being 1hour and 15... When we got back upstairs the worst thing happened. One of our patients (not mine) had passed. We had walked in while watching the nurses do CPR, call in for help, etc. All of us... Just stood. The whole room was quiet. I saw the daughter run outside, she was what...16...17? ... crying. She couldn't bare to see the nurses attempt to resuscitate him. The nurses failed... The man had passed. The girl walked in screaming and crying "tai!" (dad)... saying things like "dont leave me" and "not now"... The nurses stood... the students stood... other family members from other patients, including the other patients... watched in silence. A man, had passed right before our very eyes. I will always remember that feeling I felt back then. The regret of not being there soon enough (not our fault once again, but still... it haunts kinda), the regret of being too dumb to stop it from happening. I feel so bad for that woman... But as the nurse, we can't cry... we must carry on. As the girl wept, the other nurses began to wrap the man, she tried to unwrap him, hug him... and cry on his chest one last time... it was heart breaking to see. Eventually... i don't know who, maybe Mercy? Maybe another classmate, I honestly don't remember... but someone said "Guys, lets go do vital signs". Just like that, I put on my gloves... went to my patient... tried to come in with a smile, I saw everyone else trying to go back to whatever "normal" was in that hell of a room. Then suddenly, the body was taken out, along with the bed of the patient... The sound had returned from the unyielding silence (minus the cries of a young woman). It was asif the whole event never happened. I know it wasn't my patient... and I can't help but to look at mine as well and think "Sometimes you can't save everyone". But I want to! I'd like to keep on trying... it just hurts to reflect upon that moment. That feeling of such sorrow... such silence... frozen in time. It will definitely be an experience for me to be better, to study more and to really nail down what it means to be a nurse.