#how to overcome driving anxiety

[badolmen]

“It’s all good!” It is not all good.

[menkhu]

brain scans and cognitive tests are neat

[astrogossipp]

saturn notes. 🪬

Disclaimer. these observations do not have to resonate with everyone and everything, all expressed in this post is based on personal experience and research.

"Saturn in the birth chart symbolises how an individual faces challenges, handles responsibilities and works towards their growth. Saturn also represents long term achievements and what you get later in your life after some struggle."

masterlist🐈‍⬛

🪬 aries saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Aries tend to be cautious and reserved, often avoiding risks due to a fear of failure and rejection. They may experience health issues related to circulation, kidneys, and frequent headaches. These individuals often assume significant responsibilities early in life, leading to considerable anxiety when asserting their rights and seeking control over situations. Anger can be a challenge for them, and developing self-reliance is crucial for their success. In their youth, they may struggle with self-expression and managing their emotions, such as anger, and may have a fear of various things, including heights or medical procedures. However, as they mature, they often become more courageous and open, overcoming their initial fears and becoming more confident in expressing themselves. Saturn's placement in Aries can create inner tension and conflict, making it difficult for these individuals to fully trust their abilities and leading to a solitary nature. They may prefer working independently over collaborating with others, which can sometimes hinder their professional growth. Over time, they can evolve into effective leaders, though they may still retain a preference for working alone. Their self-perception often leads them to take on more work than necessary, driven by a sense of responsibility and the desire to be seen as capable. This self-sacrificing attitude can lead to stress and headaches. A key lesson for them is to assert their own goals, embrace self-discipline, and practice self-love. Their focus on personal achievement may obstruct teamwork, and they might encounter difficulties in relationships and marriage due to their strong-willed nature. When Saturn is poorly aspected, these individuals may face significant obstacles and conflicts, which can strain their social connections and personal relationships. They might also experience impatience and frustration, leading to potential destructive behaviors if not managed well. Despite these challenges, they are often determined and capable, with a strong drive for success and a keen ability to handle creative and organizational tasks. To thrive, they need to balance their ambition with patience and learn to work harmoniously with others. While their intense focus and drive can lead to significant accomplishments, they should be cautious not to let their impatience and tendency towards self-centeredness undermine their efforts. Engaging in physical activities can help manage stress and maintain emotional balance.

🪬 taurus saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Taurus tend to exhibit traits such as possessiveness, loyalty, jealousy, stubbornness, and discipline. They possess notable endurance and are willing to exert substantial effort to achieve their goals. A profound need for emotional and financial security characterizes them, and they approach decisions with careful consideration, avoiding impulsiveness. Practical management of finances is crucial for them. Health issues may include problems with the throat, speech, and possible headaches. In their early years, they may struggle with expressing their worth and fear financial instability. They might have difficulty enjoying luxuries or feeling valued, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. As they mature, they often find ways to appreciate financial stability and personal value. They set strict boundaries for themselves and tend to be frugal, spending only on necessities. Saturn's influence in Taurus can lead to a heightened sense of insecurity regarding finances and possessions. These individuals may have experienced financial instability in their upbringing, contributing to their cautious approach toward wealth. They are hardworking, patient, and disciplined, often demonstrating a strong work ethic and methodical realism. A negative aspect of this placement may involve extreme caution, jealousy, and materialistic tendencies, potentially leading to difficulties in relationships and a rigid attitude towards wealth. Despite this, individuals with Saturn in Taurus can also exhibit significant resilience, patience, and a pragmatic approach to life. They may become wise and reliable, showing exceptional endurance and dedication to their goals.Positive development of this placement can foster artistic interests and a balanced perspective on security. However, they should be cautious of becoming overly materialistic or isolating themselves. Building personal security and understanding true values are essential for their overall well-being. Their methodical and disciplined approach to work often leads to long-term success, though they should guard against overemphasizing material concerns at the expense of personal happiness and flexibility.

🪬 gemini saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Gemini are characterized by a rational, organized, and often emotionally detached demeanor. Early in life, they may face challenges in communication and education, leading to doubts about their abilities. Despite their constant stream of new ideas, they may hesitate to venture into unfamiliar territory. They generally excel in analytical fields such as mathematics and science but struggle with social interactions and public speaking. Feelings of isolation and nervous tension may also be prevalent. Health concerns can include issues with the lungs and throat. This placement of Saturn enhances practicality, fostering logical thinking and effective problem-solving skills. Saturn's position in Gemini, being in its triplicity, supports intellectual pursuits and allows for quick comprehension and organizational abilities. Individuals with this placement are often drawn to intellectually stimulating professions, communication, and writing. However, if Saturn forms challenging aspects, particularly with Mercury or the Ascendant, it can exacerbate difficulties in communication, potentially leading to speech impediments or a reduced adaptability. There might also be a tendency to feel undervalued or naive, impacting social interactions. Despite these challenges, Saturn in Gemini can yield significant intellectual strengths, including a keen ability to retain information and a propensity for deep thinking. Overcoming fears related to social interactions can lead to success in communication, writing, and speaking. These individuals need to cultivate self-confidence and trust in their intuition. They often find fulfillment in fields that involve science, physics, mathematics, or engineering. While their flexibility and quick intellectual grasp are assets, they should avoid becoming overly fixated on minor details at the expense of the bigger picture. In their career and personal development, these individuals might excel in roles that require problem-solving and analytical skills, such as research or teaching. They should manage their workload carefully to avoid burnout and ensure they maintain a balance between their intellectual pursuits and personal well-being. With appropriate discipline and methodical thinking, they can achieve significant success and find pleasure in continuous learning and problem-solving.

🪬 cancer saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Cancer often require affirmation of their worth and affection. They may become preoccupied with compensating for a lack of love experienced in childhood. These individuals might struggle to express their emotions openly and may grapple with feelings of guilt regarding past actions. Overcoming emotional insecurities and old traumas is crucial for their success. They tend to manage challenging situations effectively but must learn to address their emotional wounds and practice empathy and responsibility. Health issues related to the chest, breasts, and stomach can arise, and these individuals may find it difficult to let go of significant emotional experiences. Although Saturn's placement in Cancer can be challenging, it offers an opportunity for learning to process and release emotions healthily. These individuals might experience mood swings and fear of abandonment, leading to withdrawal from close relationships and potential difficulties in showing warmth. In relationships, they may struggle to express their feelings, which can lead to feelings of loneliness or being unloved. Their fears of abandonment and concerns about the future are prominent. If Saturn is adversely aspected, heightened sensitivity and isolation from family may occur. However, these individuals have the potential to provide emotional security in partnerships, family, and their careers. Saturn in Cancer may result in internal conflict between personal goals and emotional struggles, leading to anxiety and difficulties. They often display persistence and diligence but may face challenges related to emotional vulnerability and material security. Negative aspects of this placement can lead to procrastination, blame-shifting, and isolation, while positive development fosters conscientiousness, resilience, and a strong sense of duty. These individuals might be inclined toward managing domestic environments and may show an interest in real estate or applied arts. They can experience deep dissatisfaction and emotional sensitivity combined with external reserve and strength. Balancing discipline with emotional expression is essential, and they may struggle with detachment from material possessions. Understanding and addressing these internal and external challenges is crucial for their personal growth and stability.

🪬 leo saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Leo possess significant creative potential but may struggle to express it fully. They are often admired and loved, though they tend to avoid the spotlight and may adopt a guarded demeanor to protect their emotions. Their cautious and reserved nature is coupled with a strong will, but feelings of inadequacy can undermine their efforts. To thrive, they need to work on their self-esteem, creativity, and ability to balance humility with their personal ambitions. These individuals may face health issues related to the heart, spine, and back. Early in life, they might have felt a lack of recognition and approval, which can make them overly concerned with others' opinions during their younger years. However, as they mature, they have the capacity to develop a robust sense of self that is less affected by external validation. In their professional lives, they are driven towards success and may achieve considerable recognition due to their dedication and exceptional work ethic. Despite their pride, their insecurities can limit their opportunities. They may feel that they matured too quickly, missing out on a carefree youth, and this can impact their approach to relationships and self-expression. Saturn's placement in Leo, associated with strong ego traits, may lead them to either embrace humility or struggle with self-centeredness. Their drive for success is intense, often focusing on gaining power and respect. While they can be reliable and warm, their ambition can sometimes overshadow the needs and interests of others. These individuals may find themselves preoccupied with their appearance and strive for personal excellence in their careers and finances. They often have a deep well of inner strength and talent but may struggle to fully realize their potential. They might find it challenging to express their creativity and self-identity, leading to a feeling of unrealized potential. Their desire for recognition can lead them to push their children or others to achieve, possibly as a way to compensate for their own perceived failures. They show a strong interest in creative endeavors and the development of skills, though they may sometimes overextend themselves in these pursuits. To succeed, they should focus on promoting others' talents and practice humility, avoiding a dictatorial approach and recognizing the value of patience and support in nurturing creativity and success.

🪬 virgo saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Virgo are known for their observant, responsible, and practical nature. They may experience learning difficulties and nervous issues, and they often possess a highly critical self-view. These individuals excel in research and strategic thinking but may underestimate their own abilities. A strong preference for routine and order characterizes their lives. A key lesson for them is to understand that perfection is not a prerequisite for success. They should focus on distinguishing what is truly important and cease excessive self-criticism. Health issues may be linked to the abdominal area, particularly the small intestine. In childhood, they might have been preoccupied with others' opinions and sensitive to criticism, leading to hurt feelings. Over time, they may learn to trust their own judgment more. Their challenge lies in maintaining a balance between self-care and daily responsibilities, and embracing self-belief. While these individuals often strive for perfection and may fear making mistakes, they can benefit from avoiding overwork and excessive concern over minor issues. Their analytical and organizational skills are notable, though they may struggle with personal relationships and emotional expression. Their intellectual focus can sometimes overshadow their emotional needs. This placement may be less favorable for love and marriage due to a tendency to neglect emotional aspects in favor of intellectual pursuits. Individuals with Saturn in Virgo might excel in careers that require deep analysis, such as psychology or therapy. They exhibit a strong sense of duty, responsibility, and a critical approach to new challenges. Their professional demeanor is often serious and reserved, earning them a reputation for reliability. In extreme cases, this placement can lead to an excessive focus on details, resulting in psychological strain and dissatisfaction. Outside of work, they might feel a sense of uselessness or boredom if not engaged in meaningful activities. A stable and orderly environment is essential for their well-being. They are often perceived as disciplined, ethical, and hardworking, with a strong inclination towards practical and analytical tasks.

🪬 libra saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Libra exhibit diplomatic and fair qualities, often preferring cooperation to competition. They may struggle with feelings of inferiority and a fear of rejection, leading them to avoid those who show interest in them. This can impact their relationships, as they desire solid connections but might not always adhere to the standards they set for themselves. Achieving a balance between affection and discipline is crucial for them. These individuals are typically responsible and serious about their commitments but may find decision-making, especially in relationships, challenging. They are known for their diplomatic nature, tact, and balanced judgment, making them well-suited for roles that require fairness and cooperation, such as in legal professions. Health concerns may include issues with the kidneys, intestines, and back. Those with Saturn in Libra often marry later in life or choose partners who are older. When Saturn is positively aspected, these individuals may attain positions of wealth due to their cooperative abilities. However, adverse aspects can lead to selfish behavior, which may harm their reputation. Their sensitivity to external influences makes them adept mediators. They tend to regulate their emotional lives with reason, though negative aspects of Saturn can result in critical attitudes and emotional detachment. Their pursuit of perfection might lead to high demands in relationships and a potentially outdated view of marriage. They may also feel that they will never find a partner who meets their standards. Individuals with this placement often excel in artistic or creative endeavors, achieving great success if they are organized, reliable, and tactful in their professions. They are particularly anxious about chaos or unpleasantness and might become frustrated with others who do not share their perspective. They are inclined to say yes even when they wish to decline, which can be a weakness. Learning to set boundaries and say no to those who do not appreciate their qualities is important for their well-being. Saturn in Libra benefits from the harmonious influence of Venus, its ruling planet, enhancing their determination and reliability. Despite their many strengths, these individuals must work diligently to maintain successful relationships. They are generally capable of attracting impressive people and are skilled at drawing out the right information, leaving others feeling valued. Women with Saturn in Libra often become more graceful and dignified, maintaining their principles with steadfastness. They are generous and sociable, driven by a desire to connect with diverse people. When they find a partner who values their innovative spirit, they can offer unconditional love and full affection. However, patience is essential to avoid toxic relationships. Learning to let go of relationships that are not right is a key area for personal growth. Their curiosity and logical approach to understanding things are notable, although they may also exhibit harshness and volatility.

🪬 scorpio saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Scorpio are characterized by traits such as intensity, passion, determination, and a strong will. They often demand much from themselves and others, driven by a deep reservoir of energy and willpower. Despite their resilience, they can struggle with jealousy, impatience, and a desire for control, which may stem from challenging early life experiences where they felt powerless or misunderstood. Health issues related to the reproductive system and intestinal obstructions are possible concerns for those with this placement. Emotionally, they may battle with feelings of being unseen and unappreciated, which can lead to struggles with letting others take control. The intense journey of self-discovery and seeking purpose is a hallmark of this placement, transforming their life experiences profoundly. Saturn in Scorpio individuals are often seen as secretive and difficult to understand due to their reserved nature. They must confront negative traits like stubbornness, resentment, and ruthlessness. Learning to manage these intense emotions and desires is crucial, as is developing trust and recognizing the good in others. The path can be fraught with conflict and hardship, especially if Saturn is poorly aspected, leading to resentment and a lack of self-control. Despite these challenges, these individuals possess remarkable perseverance and a strong will, making them highly capable of achieving their goals. Their intense nature means they approach everything with great passion and determination, often thriving on overcoming obstacles. However, the pursuit of material success can have negative consequences if not balanced with emotional health. Their natural inclination to deeply understand and heal makes them excellent listeners and potential counselors or metaphysical practitioners. They must learn to face their fears and let go of what no longer serves them, recognizing the impermanence of life. This journey involves significant personal growth and transformation, enabling them to tap into an internal source of power that can be channeled positively. In relationships, both men and women with Saturn in Scorpio tend to be possessive and deeply committed, struggling with jealousy and the fear of betrayal. They may keep their true feelings and insecurities hidden, striving for mental discipline and self-control. This placement can lead to great personal and financial success if they can learn to manage their intense emotions and desires effectively. Ultimately, embracing their unique path and overcoming insecurities is vital for those with Saturn in Scorpio, allowing them to achieve their true dreams and desires in life.

🪬 sagittarius saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Sagittarius are often drawn to travel and learning. Many of them, having missed out on formal education, pursue self-teaching. They can become disenchanted with traditional authority, often relying on their intuition to guide them. This placement can manifest in open honesty or, conversely, in carelessness, rebellion, and indecisiveness. Their philosophical or religious views may be rigid, necessitating a thorough testing of their theories. Health concerns for these individuals may include muscle issues, hip problems, sciatica, and liver conditions. Early life for Saturn in Sagittarius natives may be marked by a lack of joy and difficulty in finding life's meaning, leading to a sense of unfulfillment. However, their willingness to share knowledge is a notable strength. Over time, they find happiness in various aspects of life and often become more radiant than others. They tend to have strong philosophical and religious interests, which can influence their career choices. This placement endows individuals with popularity due to their tolerance and open-mindedness. Negatively, they can be cynical, dogmatic, and insincere. They require proof before believing in anything, and they relish adventures and challenges. Fear of losing freedom makes them wary of commitments, and Saturn teaches them through experiences where their freedom is restricted. They may lack endurance and consistency in their goals but have a strong desire for recognition, sometimes leading to hasty actions with negative outcomes. Spiritual maturity typically arrives later in life, often through meditation and self-reflection. Saturn in Sagittarius individuals have a penchant for teaching and spiritual literature, seeking peaceful environments for growth. They are constantly accumulating knowledge and aim for mastery in their endeavors. Their intense focus and passion for learning are beneficial if balanced with experiencing life around them. Careers in education, personal coaching, or religious leadership suit them well. Their dependability and loyalty make them valued friends, and with maturity, they develop diplomacy that aids their progress. Challenges associated with this placement foster growth through persistence and hard work. Their optimism in the face of setbacks is a key asset, helping them navigate difficult times and enjoy the good ones. They are eager to understand the spiritual purpose of life and connect with like-minded individuals. In love, they prioritize their partner's happiness and enjoy planning surprises. Their quest for knowledge and wisdom is relentless, and they approach their work with passion and energy. These individuals are highly intellectual, preferring to master one subject before moving on to the next. They speak their minds fearlessly, which can challenge relationship expectations. However, they may be inflexible in their existential beliefs, requiring substantial proof to change their views. The best romantic partners for them are those who provide comfort and uplift them, understanding their need for exploration. Regular exercise, a consistent sleep routine, and mindful relationship choices can enhance their well-being. Recognizing anxiety and struggles as opportunities for growth is crucial for finding fulfillment. They must be cautious of tendencies towards excessive ambition, cynicism, or sarcasm, especially in relationships.

🪬 capricorn saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Capricorn are characterized by their ambition, fairness, and impartiality. They possess a strong sense of duty and have a deep-seated fear of their efforts going unrecognized. These individuals seldom take time to relax, instead, they are charming and persistent in pursuing their goals and feel a compelling need to control their environment. This placement often leads to a relentless work ethic, primarily for the benefit of others, with a significant emphasis on financial security and self-sufficiency. They easily take on responsibility, often doubting that others can meet their high standards. Health concerns for Saturn in Capricorn natives may include issues with the skeleton, knees, and skin. During childhood, they may have felt a lack of parental presence, particularly from their father. These individuals take their responsibilities seriously and place great value on planning. They often had many chores and adult responsibilities as children, leading them to mature faster than their peers. The weight of life's burdens can feel heavy, as if they are carrying the world on their shoulders, but they typically achieve significant goals and enjoy successful careers later in life. Women with this placement often shine brightly and exude natural confidence, attracting others with their charisma. They feel the burden of commitment and responsibility deeply, maintaining extremely high standards for themselves and others. This can stem from distant or challenging relationships with their fathers. Saturn in Capricorn individuals tend to be reserved, serious, and sometimes cold or selfish. They may struggle with melancholy and pessimism, showing little interest in distractions, pleasures, or marriage. Instead, they pursue serious goals with great consistency, striving for respected positions through excellent performance. Balancing work and leisure can be challenging, and feelings of loneliness or inadequacy may drive them to work excessively. Their strong desire for power and success can lead to selfishness. However, this period is an opportunity to balance needs and wants, finding self-fulfillment. These individuals are encouraged to express gratitude to those who support their journey, recognizing their own strengths and weaknesses. Those born with Saturn in Capricorn exhibit enormous discipline and personal strength when they are fully engaged in their pursuits. They excel in resource management and strategic planning, thriving when their personal goals align with those around them. Overcoming resentment or jealousy, especially concerning status or wealth, is crucial. They seek respect and serious recognition from peers, often aspiring to become authorities themselves. Success, for Saturn in Capricorn individuals, is understood to require effort and diligence. Planning for the future, building strong foundations, and hard work are essential themes. Their dependable and hardworking nature, coupled with tenacity, propels them far in life, despite a constant awareness of the potential for failure. The burden of commitment and responsibility often leads to high standards for themselves and others. Childhood experiences of distant parental relationships contribute to their serious and sometimes cold demeanor. Despite a tendency towards melancholy and pessimism, they remain focused on achieving their goals through consistent effort. Balancing work with relaxation is crucial to avoid loneliness and inadequacy. The drive for power and success can manifest as selfishness, but recognizing and addressing these tendencies can lead to a fulfilling and successful life.

🪬 aquarius saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Aquarius are innovative and original yet maintain a conservative approach. They often perceive the future as challenging and work diligently to better society. They require a platform to express their ideas and face the challenge of growing through openness and fairness. Success demands a tolerant and unbiased public attitude. While they need structure, they embrace unconventionality and may struggle to form friendships. Admitting their feelings and developing intuition and independent thinking are essential for their growth. Maintaining the health of their circulatory and nervous systems, as well as their heart, is important. During early childhood, these individuals may have felt like outsiders, unaccepted by society or friend groups, possibly due to their intelligence. They have a natural ability to identify people who can help drive change. As natural leaders, others often rely on them, and they build strong foundations that benefit both themselves and their communities. However, they may experience difficulties with friendships and feel they do not fit in, preferring to be selective about their associations. Letting go of control and trusting the universe can help them realize their dreams and learn from others. They might be intrigued by the forbidden. Although generally people-friendly and sympathetic, understanding others' needs can be challenging. Learning tolerance and practicing forgiveness are crucial. They employ order, organization, discipline, and tact in unconventional ways, and their ability to see things from a new perspective is a strength. However, they can be serious, impersonal, distant, and overly scientific. Negatively, they can be bossy, cold, and prone to anger when faced with opposition. Overcoming the fear of failure is vital to achieving their dreams. Saturn in Aquarius individuals are flexible, justice-loving, compassionate, and service-oriented. They have a strong desire to lead and guide others. This placement endows them with a powerful concentration, working hard for personal and communal betterment. They are impartial, considering all sides before making rational decisions, but can be socially isolated due to pride. There may be tendencies toward addiction. For success, they must adopt a tolerant, impartial public attitude and develop intuition and original thinking. Applying these skills practically enhances their happiness. They can appear cold in relationships, always seeking truth and understanding the broader picture. Loyalty is a hallmark in friendships, and maintaining a good social status is crucial. A well-aspected Saturn brings high concentration, strong intellect, and initial success, often through innovative ideas and social reforms. Conversely, a poorly aspected Saturn can lead to egoism and spiritual arrogance. Tolerance and forgiveness are necessary for inner peace. Generally, Saturn in Aquarius individuals can foresee environmental impacts, enabling quick decision-making. They are effective leaders, known and loved by others, and exhibit persistence and patience. They find success in psychology, sociology, journalism, invention, and literature. They must overcome intellectual and spiritual arrogance, consistently developing selflessness.

🪬 pisces saturn

Individuals with Saturn in Pisces tend to see the negative side of things and feel a strong compulsion to help others. They often struggle with examining and accepting their past, which is essential for their growth. Building self-confidence is a critical task for them. They need to avoid getting overly involved in others' problems, reduce defensiveness, and trust their intuition. Health concerns may include issues with their feet and lymphatic system. In early childhood, these individuals often felt unnoticed and unappreciated, with their talents going unrecognized. They may have faced false accusations and frequent injustices, leading to a sense of isolation. Living in their own world was a common escape from harsh realities. Over time, they develop a stronger connection with their subconscious, though they may still grapple with past issues. Their vivid imagination can enhance their writing skills. However, their tendency to take things personally often results in self-imposed isolation and self-pity. With Saturn in Pisces, setting boundaries and maintaining discipline can be challenging. Everyday life may sometimes feel overwhelming and disorganized, leading to feelings of being lost. These individuals are intuitive, empathetic, sensitive, imaginative, and self-sacrificing. As practical idealists, they might take life too seriously, believing current problems stem from past actions. They may find fulfillment working behind the scenes, such as in research or institutions. Prone to indecision and moodiness, they often react emotionally to negative situations and people. If they perceive failure or unfair treatment, it can lead to depression. Developing confidence in the future and letting go of the past are crucial. Sharing their experiences can facilitate soul growth. Letting others in can help overcome feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and anxiety, leading to a more fulfilling life. They have a strong affinity for creative fields like art or spirituality and are likely to pursue careers in these areas. Despite appearing confident, they may secretly lack self-assurance and seek a bright future. To improve their well-being, they should clear their minds, go with the flow, and avoid restlessness, defensiveness, and overthinking. Establishing a regular sleep routine is beneficial, as sleep problems are common. Their advice is often valuable, and they understand that soul awakening is a gradual process. Women with this placement may prefer quiet, introspective activities over social gatherings. These individuals are spiritual and may get lost in daydreams. They should stop blaming themselves and avoid negative energy. While they are empathetic towards others, they often lack self-awareness and undervalue themselves. They can achieve success in literature, scientific research, or metaphysics but may have a tendency toward depression, chronic illnesses, and mental disorders. Though some may be escapists, Saturn in Pisces individuals are idealistic and compassionate. They recognize the world's problems and believe they can help. They might experience deep fears of abandonment but will find joy in their own company. Such individuals often feel the need for support and may appear unreliable and emotionally isolated. With positive development, they become conscientious, sympathetic, understanding, and kind-hearted. Despite their loyalty and tolerance, their contributions may go unrecognized. Their profound feelings and intellectual inspiration drive a need for complete self-surrender. They often live a life marked by loneliness, dreams, and unfulfilled hopes. Patience, reserve, and shyness are common traits, and there may be risks of alcoholism, drug addiction, or fascination with magic and ecstasy.

this post was created by @astrogossipp on tumblr <3 if reposting my work please give credits

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

Why Writers Don't Finish Writing Their Stories, and How to Fix It

Hello fellow writers and storytellers,

The journey of writing a story is an exhilarating adventure, but it's not without its share of obstacles. Many of us have embarked on a creative endeavor, only to find ourselves mired in the struggle to finish what we started. In this blog post, I'll unravel the common reasons why writers don't finish their stories and explore practical strategies to overcome these hurdles and reignite the flame of creativity.

The Perils of Unfinished Stories

As writers, we often find ourselves in the throes of unfinished tales, grappling with the intricate web of characters, plots, and themes. There are several reasons why the ink dries up and the story remains untold. Let's shine a light on the familiar adversaries that stand between us and the triumphant completion of our narratives:

1. Lack of Planning:

Some of us brazenly dive into our stories without a clear roadmap, resulting in uncertainty about the direction of the plot and the fate of our characters. The lack of a solid plan can lead us astray, leaving our stories wandering in the wilderness of aimlessness.

2. Self-Doubt and Perfectionism:

Ah, the relentless whispers of self-doubt and the siren call of perfectionism! These twin adversaries can cast a shadow over our creative vision, compelling us to endlessly revise and perfect the early chapters, trapping us in a whirlpool of perpetual edits.

3. Time Management:

Balancing the demands of daily life with the ardor of writing can be akin to walking a tightrope. The struggle to find consistent time for our craft often leaves our stories languishing in prolonged periods of inactivity, longing for the touch of our pen.

4. Writer's Block:

The mighty barrier that even the most intrepid writers encounter. Writer's block can be an insurmountable mountain, leaving us stranded in the valleys of creative drought, unable to breathe life into new ideas and narratives.

5. Lack of Motivation:

The flame that once burned brightly can flicker and wane over time, leaving us adrift in the murky waters of disillusionment. The initial excitement for our stories diminishes, making it arduous to stay committed to the crafting process.

6. Fear of Failure or Success:

The twin specters that haunt many writers' dreams. The apprehension of rejection and the unsettling prospect of life-altering success can tether us to the shores of hesitation, preventing us from reaching the shores of completion.

7. Criticism and Feedback Anxiety:

The looming dread of judgment casts a long shadow over our creative endeavors. The mere thought of receiving criticism or feedback, whether from peers or potential readers, can cast a cloud over our storytelling pursuits.

8. Plotting Challenges:

Crafting a cohesive and engaging plot is akin to navigating a labyrinth without a map. Faced with hurdles in connecting story elements, we may find ourselves lost in a maze of plot holes and unresolved threads.

9. Character Development Struggles:

Breathing life into multi-dimensional, relatable characters is a complex art. The intricate process of character development can become a quagmire, ensnaring us in the challenge of creating personas that drive the story forward. (Part one of Character Development Series)

10. Life Events and Distractions:

Unexpected events in our personal lives can cast ripples on our writing routines, interrupting the flow of our creativity and causing a loss of momentum.

Rallying Against the Odds: Strategies for Success

Now that we've confronted the adversaries that threaten to stall our storytelling odysseys, let's arm ourselves with strategies to conquer these barriers and reignite the flames of our creativity.

Embrace the Power of Planning:

A clear roadmap illuminates the path ahead. Arm yourself with outlines, character sketches, and plot maps to pave the way for your story's journey.

Vanquish Self-Doubt with Action:

Silence the voices of doubt with the power of progress. Embrace the imperfect beauty of your early drafts, knowing that every word brings you closer to the finish line.

Mastering the Art of Time:

Carve out sacred writing time in your schedule. Whether it’s ten minutes or two hours, every moment dedicated to your craft is a step forward.

Conquering Writer's Block:

Embrace the freedom of imperfection. Write, even if the words feel like scattered puzzle pieces. The act of writing can unravel the most stubborn knots of writer's block.

Reigniting the Flame of Motivation:

Seek inspiration in the wonders of the world. Reconnect with the heart of your story, rediscovering the passion that set your creative spirit ablaze.

Reshaping Fear into Fuel:

Embrace the uncertainty as an integral part of the creative journey. Embrace the lessons within rejection and prepare for the winds of change that success may bring.

Navigating the Realm of Criticism:

Embrace feedback as a catalyst for growth. Constructive criticism is a powerful ally, shaping your story into a work of art that resonates with readers.

Weaving the Threads of Plot:

Connect the dots with fresh eyes. Step back and survey the tapestry of your plot, seeking innovative solutions to bridge the gaps and untangle the knots.

Breathing Life into Characters:

Engage with your characters as if they were old friends. Dive into their depths, unraveling their quirks, fears, and dreams, and watch as they breathe life into your story.

Navigating Life's Tempests:

Embrace the ebb and flow of life. Every pause in your writing journey is a chance to gather new experiences and perspectives, enriching your storytelling tapestry.

The Ever-Resting Pen: Harnessing the Power Within

Fellow writers, the journey of completing a story is filled with peaks and valleys, each offering us the opportunity to sharpen our resolve and unleash our creative potential. As we stand at the crossroads, staring at the canvas of unfinished tales, let's rally against the odds, armed with the power of purpose, passion, and perseverance.

Let the ink flow once more, breathing life into tales left untold, and watch as your stories triumphantly reach their long-awaited conclusion. You possess the power to conquer the adversaries that stand in your way, and within you lies the essence of untold narratives waiting to unfurl onto the page.

Here's to the journey that lies ahead, the stories waiting to be written, and the unyielding spirit of creativity that thrives within each of us.

Warm regards and unwavering encouragement, Ren T.

[natalchartnurtures]

PAC: Channeled Messages From The Person On Your Mind *Singles Edition*

Let's feed our delusions. (jk)

Pile 1: "You make me feel so good, like I'm on cloud nine. You make everything so, sooo worth it. I feel like a winner with you around... and the thing is.. you have no clue lol. I wanna win you over and show you off. You've no idea how you make me feel... you being your hot-ass self sitting there, looking so cute. I keep so much of my feelings to myself, but all I wanna do is overcome this impossible (and seemingly invisible) barrier between us! Ahhhhhh, it drives me nuts on some days, ugh!

You feel like a blessing to me. I didn't know somebody like you could exist?! Ahhhhh. I've been alone all my life, but you make me wanna not be alone anymore... it's not something I expected to feel, I have to be honest lol.

I'm not ready to come toward you right now, though. Trust me, I KNOW I must do something, but my anxiety holds me back... my limiting beliefs hold me, and I have no clue how to overcome them. I wish I could figure it out so I could BE WITH YOU ALREADY!

I'm being patient, though... with myself and with the situation between us. I keep my cards close, so you probably wouldn't even know any of this... sheesh, I don't wanna look like a fool in front of you. I'm scared you'd think less of me—it would KILL me if you did—so I keep you at arm's length.

Your presence TRIGGERS some very intense feelings inside me. I feel so exposed and vulnerable with you around, so overwhelmed, and it's not easy, you know? My heart's been broken before, and I'm afraid of getting it broken again. That's definitely a part of the fear you make me feel. I've had to be on the defense with people, especially from my past... relationships have not been easy, and so I guess I gotta work on that.

Go listen to Taylor Swift's 'Lover' anytime you miss me... that's a song I dedicate to you, sweetie, until I see you next time."

If you'd like to know more about your person's thoughts for you, you can book a reading with me! You can find the details here :]

Pile 2: "GIRL, I have been going THROUGH IT, sheesh... I've been holding on for dear life 'cause lately, it feels like everything is out to get me, uk? One thing goes straight to hell after another, and I've just been so caught up with everything. You know what's been keeping me going, though? You. I've been dreaming about you most nights... I think about you when I can, to help me get through what I need to get through. The thought of you gives me strength, girlie. Every time you cross my mind, I get so weak in the knees! I look forward to every time I get to see you... (even if we live in the same house lmao!)

I feel you all around me all the time—it's lovely. I love how you make me feel... you take away my troubles, even if just for a sec. For that, I am immensely grateful!

You're not in my life right now, though... but I'm PRAYING and WISHING and HOPING that I might have a shot with you. The hope of a possibility of being with you is what makes the hard days sooo much easier. I seriously want a solid relationship with you more than anything else! (If we aren't in one already 👀)

Right now, I'm getting my shit together, and I hope you'll be waiting for me on the other side, just like in my dreams. You give me hope in a hopeless world again. You're such a light to me... you don't even know it.

I'm always watching you, though... even when you don't know—ESPECIALLY when you don't notice! Haha, it's my favorite thing in the world. I think you've got the prettiest voice in the world. Gosh, I just wanna be with you, but BOY, I've got my hands tied up right now. I'm letting go and letting God decide when it's time for us to come together. You make me wanna have faith in something greater than us.

But I assure you, I'm coming for ya once I'm done figuring everything in my life. Oh, and I love you. ✨"

If you'd like to know more about your person's thoughts for you, you can book a reading with me! You can find the details here :]

Pile 3: "You make me so horny. I can't even sit right when I'm around you. WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS EFFECT ON ME?! (Not that I'm complaining tbh, I love it haha). But seriously, how can someone be so goddamn hot?! How?! Jeez, I LOVE your body! I get so many 18+ thoughts—it's insane. I apologize for being so direct, but it's just what you do to me, sorry not sorry :p

You make me wanna run toward you EVERY TIME I see you! All I wanna do is be all up on you, loving you, kissing you, and hugging you. Man, it's hard to be around you and not be close to you, especially when there's other people around. I LOVE TALKING TO YOU, and I don't ever wanna stop talking to you, ugh.

You make my heart explode! I've never had feelings this deep for anybody in my life (I WISH I was kidding, jeez). You make me wanna act mature and romantic n stuff... 🙃 (Usually, I'm not like this, btw).

I wanna be where you're at, vibrationally speaking, but I've got some things I gotta take care of. I've got some old cycles I've been on—my old bs. I'm working hard on it and releasing it as we speak, and this is helping me come toward you. Might take me a while, though, ngl 👀🙄. But I'll be there before you know it, princess!

I WANT our relationship to begin between the two of us SO BAD, but I can't see how that's gonna happen yet. It feels like it's not the right time yet? Idk... it's really frustrating, though. I'm trying not to do anything stupid to sabotage our new beginning, though. I'm just going with the flow of things and listening to my intuition about our situation. Don't worry!

I see you as my forever, my one and only. I can't explain it, but I just know. You're the one for me, and honestly, it's breaking my heart that I can't actively pursue you right now since it's supposed to be 'divinely guided' 🙄 Like, Universe, could you please hurry up and get me to MY baby, ugh.

You're so beautiful, you're my goddess, my other half. I can't wait to get to you and spoil you and have a PROPER relationship with you. I hate that we can't come together and confess to each other yet... it's maddening. I know we're destined to be, but the way things are going on the surface right now, it might seem as if we're not meant to be... hell, we might not even be talking to each other or you may not even know I exist right now! But as soon as the divine gives me the green light, I'll be coming running toward you to claim you all for myself." ✨

If you'd like to know more about your person's thoughts for you, you can book a reading with me! You can find the details here :]

[novlr]

I have a bad habit of never finishing writing I start - I work hard on a story, make it to 3/4 of the way through, then lose passion for it and start something else. I know the key to overcoming this is discipline, and I’m trying very hard to make myself keep going with my current story that I like very much and spent so much time researching and outlining, but it’s a struggle every day to make my writing goal. Any advice for how to re-ignite writing spark or how to push through to the end?

We can lose our drive to write for a lot of reasons. It often indicates a growing maturity as an artist — you understand the craft better and your own (current) limitations better, and so you begin to feel overwhelmed in a way you didn’t before. It can also be that external anxieties are getting in the way or simply that you’ve lost interest in your current project. 

Hope is not lost. Read on for some tips on reclaiming your writing spark. 

Shift gears

Sometimes, all you need to reignite your writing spark is to engage your brain in a different way. If you’re struggling with your novel, take a break and try writing a poem or a piece of flash fiction. Or, you could try drawing sketches of your characters, a map of your story’s world, or some possible outfits for your climactic battle scene (it doesn’t have to be good. No one’s going to see it). 

The trick is to stay creative but to approach your work from a different angle. 

Change location

If you’ve been trying and failing to write at your desk, surrounded by crumpled up dreams drafts and last week’s candy wrappers, you may be suffering from an environment with stagnant energy. Try taking yourself on a writer’s date: go to a location that fits the tone of the project you’re working on (lux hotel lobby, seedy theatre bar, the wilds of a nearby park), and see if that gets your creative wheels turning. 

Dress [in]appropriately 

In Writing Down the Bones, Natalie Goldberg has a chapter called “Blue Lipstick and a Cigarette Hanging Out Your Mouth”. By this she meant, “Use outfits and props to step outside yourself and get a new perspective”. You might find it helpful to have a special “writer’s sweater” that you only wear when you’re writing or to dress like someone confident and cool enough to smash writer’s block in the face. 

Do some soul-searching

What’s really going on here? If the above tricks aren’t doing it for you, there may be some bigger issues at play that are inhibiting you from connecting to your writing spark. 

Write letters

I’ve written about the restorative powers of letter writing before, and I’ll mention it again: handwritten letters are a great way to get the words flowing. You don’t actually have to send them when you’re done (although you can if you want to); the recipient doesn’t even need to exist. Simply by putting your thoughts down in a low-risk way, you’re unclogging your creative pipes. 

Join a writing group

There’s power and accountability in numbers. You can find writing groups online, through community centres and writers centres, or by sticking a flyer up in a bookshop and starting your own. There’s even a Novlr writing community on Discord where we share tips, struggles, and just generally talk craft! By inviting other people into your writing practice, you’ll have some support and encouragement to keep you going. 

Find your writing spark with writing prompts

The internet is awash with writing prompts. These can be a helpful way to get something down on paper and stretch out your writing muscles. Whether it’s a premise, an opening line, or a character study, writing prompts can give you a gentle, creative push and even inspire new work.

Experiment with found structure

If writing a traditional story feels like pulling out your own teeth, try a found structure story. This means using fictional “found material” like shopping lists, calendars, to-do lists, ticket stubs, banking records, and so forth to create a narrative. 

Here’s an example: Imagine a week in which a bride-to-be prepares for her glorious wedding, is left at the altar, rages in misery, and ultimately emerges healthier and stronger. Now, write her shopping list for each day of that week. How does it change from beginning to end? How much emotional detail can you communicate to the reader through the items that appear on these lists? This can be a fun way to create a story without the anxiety of writing it.

Set a petty life goal

I am a proud champion of the value of pettiness as a motivator. There are plenty of noble reasons to write: to share powerful stories, to help readers in need of healing, to inspire others to write stories themselves, and to draw attention to important social issues or minority identities. 

There are also some really inane and selfish reasons to write: to become more famous than your ex, to appear on TV and make your ex regret everything they’ve ever done to you, to have your book made into a movie and receive casting consultation rights and pitch your favourite actor in the lead role and allow them to take you for coffee as a thank you. But the thing is… these are the motivations that are really going to pull you out of the dirt when you need it most. Find the silly driving goal that really gets under your skin and hold onto it for dear life. 

Forgive yourself

Many writers experience a lot of shame when they aren’t writing as much as they feel they should. Needless to say, this shame only makes the writing harder. Allow yourself the space to take some time when you need it, process your struggles, and return when you’re ready. The page will be waiting when you get back. 

[chaysreality222]

˚₊‧꒰ა ꣑ৎ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

꣑ৎ 𝓣𝐇𝐄 𝓒𝐎𝐌𝐅𝓞𝐑𝓣 𝓞𝐅 𝓢𝐇𝐈𝐅𝓣𝐈𝐍𝓖 ꣑ৎ

hii lovelies :ଓ i'm proud of you for shifting to your drs and receiving all your manifestations effortlessly <3 for any of you who deal with anxiety, i made this post for you. or maybe you're going through something right now and need a pick me up. i'm hoping this helps <3

the knowledge and act of reality shifting has really been like this warm hug in a sense that when i'm in the depths of any negative feeling, thought, or situation, merely remembering this knowledge brings comfort to me.

as a person who deals with anxiety on a daily basis, everyday activities that any "normal" person can do could be a struggle for me half of the time. simply ordering food in a restaurant or having to go up to the cashier brings me into a mode of stress and anxiety. but remembering that there are multiple universes/realities out there that i exist in simultaneously to this one comforts me. it makes me realize that the things i'm feeling anxious or stressed about are small.

thinking thoughts like, "i'm in the middle of slaying a dragon in another reality somewhere. i'm pretty sure ordering food isn't that scary", "shifting to other realities will have it's own obligations. having to do a presentation for this class just so happened to be my current realties obligation", or "if i can do it in every other reality, i can do it here. i'm limitless".

these reminders tend to help me a lot, especially in the darkest of times. it also helps me to be in tuned with my dr self depending on the situation and dr i can connect it to. for example, driving. to make it short, it has personally be an anxiety-filled experience. but saying to myself, "i literally drive in my vampire diaries or twilight dr all the time [any said dr]. if i can do it there, i'm sure i can do it here". a sense of relief washes over me and i begin to feel calm again.

as for situations like dealing with family drama or any issues in general. it's comforting to know that i can use reality shifting as a form of escapism. merely thinking of the fact that, "i'm not dealing with this in [said dr]" can be relieving as well. maybe even asking yourself, "what would my dr self do in this situation?" or "how would my dr self cope with/handle this situation".

in hopes that you would choose to healthily cope with/handle the situation, maybe your dr self would go to one of your greatest friends to vent or seek advice? maybe you aren't ready to talk about it? what i'd do if i were in my hogwarts dr, i'd go down to the black lake to just put my feet in the water or skip rocks. being close to water helps me to be calm and think clearly while also processing my emotions. just thinking about what i'd do as my dr self helps me to face what i'm feeling/thinking about in a better way. a way that doesn't lead to self destruction but growth.

i'm hoping this brought comfort to you like it did me. you can overcome anything, just like you always do in all your other realties! as always, Happy Shifting!

xoxo, c!

[orshii]

Can You Hold Me?

✶ Pairing: tennis player! Kim Hongjoong x therapist female reader ✶ Word count: 10,8 k ✶ Warnings: cursing, traumatic past, mentions of death, mentions of alcohol use, a lot of angst, a little suggestive at the end

✶ Summary: You had chosen to become a therapist, but why? So that you could help others, and at the same time escape your dark and traumatic past. One day, the problematic tennis player Kim Hongjoong comes in for a session, and everything changes from then on as you find solace and understanding in your traumatic pasts.

✶ A/N: Yoo, I'm back omg, I officially graduated and now I'm an unemployed nobody yaayy. So about this story...I'm not quite satisfied with my writing in it and I don't expect much from this, I just needed to write it because it kind of helped me through tough times. And I just realized writing angst helps me get through my anxiety lmao. Oh and just to add, I have no idea about psychology I kind of improvised the whole process so sorry if it’s not how it is going.

So buckle up ig, I wanted to make this very angsty but ended up making it rather fluffy lmao, so enjoy! Okay byee! (divider)

(p.s. This song inspired the title and it perfectly describes Hongjoong's feelings, I recommend listening to it hehet.)

Human's minds are pure chaos. Within each person lies a world as complex as our physical reality. There exists pure happiness alongside deep darkness that can both consume and strengthen. It's hard to escape the maze of rusty, huge walls that separates us from our sanity. Sometimes people desperately need a guiding hand that belongs to a person and runs along the dark maze, pulling them out of the dark labyrinth of thoughts that slowly destroy them.

I was a helping hand in hundreds of people's lives. People came to me shouting for help desperately or sometimes they were too stubborn to ask for help so I needed to convince them first to trust me, so they could let me lead them out of the dark.

I was a clinical psychologist, I fixed people's minds. It is a hard task, everyone has their unique story, and their own problems that can drive people crazy. And I needed to prevent that. All the process looked like a brain surgery, it just didn't need steel tools and extravagant knowledge of the different kinds of nerves and muscles. I couldn't just cut out people's brains like the doctors and fix things like that. A brain surgery could take up to 7 hours, but if I needed to save someone from the dark, dirty maze...that is impossible for them and for me to help in that short of time. It needed years. Years of trying to show the way out into the light that sometimes comes with the biggest hardships. To put together the lost pieces so they can be their old selves. But the thing is, they could never be their old selves again, just little pieces of it. Sometimes they can overcome it alone, sometimes they accept my helping hand and sometimes...they don't make it out of the dark ever. Those are the hardest journeys of my bumpy road.

I always felt like my life's purpose was to help people overcome their fears. I liked to dive deep into people's minds and play with the strings of their nerves, to find out their deepest, darkest secrets that they only told me. All the time someone confessed their feelings, when they opened up to me, I felt like a Goddess to whom people whispered their biggest sins. It was like they told me their Sea of Confession.

And why did I like it? Hearing people's dark thoughts made my mind concentrate on their problems, so I could run away from my own problems, from my own dark thoughts that hunted me in my nightmares, until my mind was tired enough so it could finally go blind.

I could fix people, but who fixed me?

I was in a hurry as I sipped from my morning coffee next to a quick breakfast that I made in a hurry because of course I overslept and now I was late for work. As I was sitting in my small one-room flat, I drank the last drops of coffee from my mug, quickly grabbed my keys, and turned off the TV that was a white noise on my chaotic morning.

Before I turned the TV off, I saw that the news was about some 26-year-old professional tennis player who got into a scandal, that was speeding through the highway drunk and nearly causing an accident. I heard about this player a few times on the news, he was always in some kind of trouble, like being drunk during an interview or shouting at a reporter after he lost a game, these attitudes of his made his fame slowly fade through the years as people started to judge him, because of his behavior.

I saw a few of his interviews, where he just seemed as bored as a prisoner in a cell, he spoke with people like they were some kinds of slaves. Something was up with him, I knew it—I was a therapist—he had a reason because people don't go insane just because they want to. I was sure it was deeper than the effects of being a professional tennis player dealing with fame.

He fought with some demons just like all of us.

The news also said that they just took his driver's license and the problem was solved, just because he was an athlete and had money. Our world was very fair. I scoffed at that after I quickly turned off the TV and glanced one last time at the full-body mirror, checking if my white shirt was perfectly ironed, which I paired with a grey, tight skirt that barely reached my knees with black heels, I pulled on my grey blazer that fitted with my skirt and left my cozy flat to step out into the air full of the breeze of spring. 

As soon as I parked my car I hurried straight to my office, my first client was already there waiting for me in front of my door that held my name 'Dr. Kwon Y/N'.

"Ah, sorry for being late, but the traffic was horrible, my apologies." I quickly took out my keys from my purse and opened the door.

"It's okay, I know it can be the worst." My client smiled at me, his blonde hair fluffy from the morning hours, black framed glasses sitting on his tall nose, his dimples showing from the curve of his lips. His name is Song Mingi and he has been going to therapy for over a year now, he experienced a horrible trauma and it takes time to get over it, step by step but he is going to fight his demons.

"C'mon in." I smiled at him genuinely.

I stepped into my office, which looked comforting, and full of warm colors, that being orange, brown, and all shades of red. I wanted to make this room look like a place where people who are coming to my office, feel safe, to feel that whatever they tell me, stays there. The walls were painted warm orange. The furniture was brown, in the middle of the room there was a brown armchair with some orange stripes and in front of that, there was a sofa with the same colors, where my clients could lay down or just sit comfortably. On my left side, there's a big window and on the ledge, there are some green indoor plants. My main purpose was to give them a place where they can feel comfortable.

I sat on my armchair as I waited for Mingi to get comfortable.

"So how are you feeling today, Mingi?" I crossed my legs and all my attention was on the man in front of me, trying to listen to his thoughts and feelings that confused him.

Noon went by quickly and I had a little break before my next client came, so I went to the nearby bakery to buy some fresh baked bread. As I was walking back to my office, finishing the bread I bought, I got a text from my assistant, saying my next client was already here so, I needed to hurry back. Today was not my day that is sure. I kind of started to speedwalk, and that turned into running. I just hated it when my clients needed to wait for me because that didn’t seem professional.

As soon as I stepped into the building trying to catch my breath because of the running. I spotted a man who leaned against the wall in a black hoodie the hood was over his head, where a few blonde strings of his hair fell onto his forehead and his hoodie was paired with ripped black jeans.

"Good afternoon, sorry for being late!" I approached the strange man; it was his first time being here.

He quickly snapped his head up and looked at me with a bored and quite sharp expression. "Finally, I've been waiting for ten minutes already." He sighed staring at me with deadly eyes.

It didn't surprise me when my clients offended me and made me the wrong person. It was common when people didn't want to say anything at all to me or to be everywhere but here. Throughout the years I learned how to handle these kinds of people.

As our eyes met, that was the moment when I recognized this man, pictures from all over the media and the news appeared in my mind of the professional tennis player Kim Hongjoong.

I bowed my head a little as a sign of my apology. "My apologies, come in!" I opened the door with that and went in, to sit down in my armchair. He followed me with a disgusted expression as he looked around the room, and plopped down to the sofa. He was laying on his back with his legs pulled up, shoes still on, hands interlaced over his stomach, and closed his eyes, with his hood still on. I analyzed every little movement of his because it told me hundreds of things about him. I knew he wouldn't talk to me much, so my job was to read his moves. It was the kind of situation where we won't talk a lot because he just doesn't want to be here, it could be even that someone forced him to come here, or he just opens up with difficulty.

I was a tolerant woman and I knew, I needed to make him trust me.

"My name is Dr. Kwon Y/N, nice to meet you. Kim Hongjoong, right?" I asked with a warm voice as I crossed my legs and opened his files on my laptop that was on my legs. As I quickly glanced through his file, I immediately understood the reasons behind his behavior.  

"Yeah. Can you stay quiet, I want to sleep." He said with a low voice, his eyes still closed.

I was in plenty of situations like this, sometimes people don’t know what is respect towards the other. You just needed to make them respect you.

"Well, you are not here to sleep right now, Hongjoong." I just looked at him with a knowing smile, because the next thing was that he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me.

"Well, I don't want to talk." He turned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"We don't have to talk about your problems or feelings, only if you want. But firstly, we are here to feel comfortable and to trust each other." I said, closing my laptop and leaning forward to place it on the small table that separated us.

Hongjoong just scoffed at that. "Yeah, right."

I leaned backward folding my arms. "What is your favorite color?"

He looked at me again with a confused expression. "Are you kidding me? Are we in kindergarten or what?"

"We have to start somewhere, aren't we?" I raised my eyebrows at him with a smile. I needed his attention and this was the best solution.

"It's black I guess." He said with a bored expression.

"Favorite animal?"

"Squirrel"

"Oh, that's an unusual one." I smiled. He just shrugged.

"Favorite place to go on a vacation?"

"I don't really have time for those things."

"But if you had time?"

He rolled his eyes. "Probably Greece."

"Greece is beautiful, I agree."

"Why did you choose tennis?" And here we are, the real-deal questions started now. I hoped he fell into my trap with the previous questions.

The question surprised him, but he just shrugged. "My dad showed it to me when I was younger and I immediately felt a connection with it." It was a short answer but told me a lot of things. Passion from childhood—noted.

"Something you like doing, other than tennis?"

"Nothing." I stood silent because I saw on his face he was thinking. "Probably driving. But I fucked that up too." His features changed to anger. It seemed like he was mad at himself. It was good. At least he knew something was up with him.

"You can get it back, it's not permanent," I said to him, trying to calm him with my soft voice.

"Well," he suddenly got up in a sitting pose and stared at me like it was my fault. "That was the only thing that could clear my head and I lost that too because I fucked up." He raised his voice, his expressions mirroring pure anger, that was pointed at me, but at the same time I knew he just couldn't face the mirror and to fully blame himself. At least he showed emotion, that was always a good sign, even if it were bad emotions. 

"Sometimes people need to lose something that brings them joy, so they'll learn to live without it and find other things that bring them joy," I said seriously, looking deep into his eyes, trying to find a little light in them.

"Stop this bullshit, cliché speech. It's not true. When you lose something important to you, that will never come back." He was leaning over his knees with his elbows, his hands interlaced. He seemed vulnerable for a second, I saw a really broken part of him, that was going to be tough to put together, but there was no impossible task for me.

We weren't talking about driving I knew it; it was just easier to speak in metaphoric sentences.

"Yes, there are situations when that something won't ever come back, but that doesn't mean we have to destroy ourselves and live in self-pity for the rest of our lives." I just needed to stay calm and only beam positivity, even when people shouted at me, blaming me for everything.

"No, you don't understand." He stood up and buried his face into his hands in frustration. "I can't do this." He said and went to the door without looking at me.

"Thank you for coming today, Hongjoong! See you next time!" I told him quickly before he angrily slammed the door.

I sighed as the silence swallowed me. Being a therapist is one of the hardest jobs on earth. It is physically but especially mentally stressful and it can eat you alive if you let it. It not only affects your feelings, that you kind of have to close out every time you have a client, but you also have to transform into them and imagine yourself in their situations and their feelings. And these different types of feelings can really overwhelm you, it's cruel.

But in the end, when I see in people's eyes, after some sessions, that they changed and are trying to be better, it fulfills my heart, that is when I say, it is worth the ups and downs that come with it.

Hongjoong wasn't my first client to act like this; they were difficult to handle and required patience. However, I knew he would calm down one day, and we could have a sincere conversation.

That night I dreamt about a little boy's face, eyes full of passion, that looked so familiar but I still couldn't recognize it. 

Hongjoong came back the next day and after. He was calmer than the first time. He slowly opened up to me, as we talked through the hours of the sessions, sometimes it went well, sometimes it was rather quiet, but we made progress.

"What does tennis mean to you?"

"It's my everything, that is what is left for me in this world. But I feel like it's slowly not enough to keep me here."

"Maybe you should try something new out."

"I'm only good at tennis, I tried to do sports like football, but I wasn't that passionate as for tennis."

"Do you want to give up on tennis?"

"I don't want to, but... I'm getting so bad at it because my feelings are eating me alive. I'm not the old unstoppable Kim Hongjoong who beat everyone who came his way."

"Fighting against your feelings won’t solve your problem. This is why you should speak about them."

"What if I don’t want to?"

"How does the media affect your feelings?"

"I don't give a fuck about the media, those are some fucked up people whose lives are so boring they need to bump their noses into other's life."

"It's a really good point of view, I agree they don't know the real reasons for people's actions, only what they see. But you can't say it never affected you."

He stood quiet for a second, thinking. "It affected me when they talked shit about my close ones."

"Do your friends support you?"

"Yes, I have only a few friends, but they support me in everything. Especially Wooyoung, who is like my brother."

I nodded. "Does Wooyoung live here?" Before he could say anything, I added. "Just if he's close enough so you can talk or hang out if needed."

"He lives in the city, we play football a lot of times together and hang out after for some drinks."

"Do you like to drink?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Replying to a question with a question. I see. You are learning from me." I smiled at him just to elevate the mood.

I saw a very little curve appear on his lips. We were heading in the right way.

"But back to my question. You know you did a lot of things while being drunk."

"Well, that is my only escape from this fucked-up world."

"But you know it affects other people as well, for example when you nearly caused an accident driving while being drunk."

"Do we really need to talk about this? I know I messed up, okay? You don’t have to shout at me for being stupid." His mood swings were like a child's—one moment he was cooperative, and the next he was angry for no apparent reason.

"Why did you become a therapist?" He asked, looking sincerely curious. It occurred a lot of times when my clients tried to ask things about my personal life and I only thought it was fair to reply to them but keep the boundaries in their place.

"It wasn't even my dream until 5 years now, the idea came suddenly and I realized I always liked to talk to people about feelings and give them advice," I said keeping eye contact with him as he was sitting in front of me.

"Did you always live here?" He asked, leaning back on the sofa.

"Yes." I smiled at him.

"Do you like it here?" I wasn't surprised by his questions, there was always a moment when people realized they didn't know anything about the person sitting in front of them, to whom they confessed their deepest feelings.

I looked out the window on my right and thought about the question. "I think, I do. Do you?"

"I hate it." He looked down at his hands when I turned my head back to look at him.

"Why?"

"Because a lot of shit things happened here."

"So why are you still here?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, I have nowhere to go."

"Maybe, you could go to Greece." I smiled at him.

"Yeah, maybe." He lifted his head to look at me a visible smile appearing on his lips.

"The night they caught you drunk in your car, what did you feel before?" I brought back that case because we needed to talk about that so I could understand what went through his head that night.

"Anger, heartbroken?" To my surprise, he answered, without getting angry at me. Maybe it was one of those good days of his.   

"So you thought drinking and speeding through the highway would solve them?"

"I didn't think anything at all. I just needed to clear my head and that seemed the best solution."

I nodded. "Do you regret doing it?"

"Of course, I do…"

"That is a good sign. Sometimes we consciously won't admit our mistakes. But you did Hongjoong and that is a very big progress."

It was a dark, rainy day, with clouds obscuring the sun's feeble attempts to warm the world after a freezing winter. I was at work, having already seen a few clients. Some sessions went smoothly, while others made me wish I could run to the ends of the earth.

And when Kim Hongjoong came in, it continued. We made a lot of progress throughout the weeks. It went well. But something happened again because when I saw Hongjoong I felt like it was like the first time he came in. No emotions, just the bored face, and the I-don't-give-a-fuck-attitude. It felt like we started everything from the beginning like we didn't even speak the past few weeks.

"What's on your mind?" I started, hoping I wouldn't play with the string of his nerves.

He sighed. "I don't want to talk today." He leaned back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling.

I nodded. "Alright, we don't have to."

I just opened my laptop and started to reply my emails that I haven't had the time to reply to. But it was also a tactical move, I knew he would feel bothered because I didn’t pay attention to him.

I felt his gaze on me after a while. I looked up from my laptop, adjusting my glass as my eyes met with his. His expressions were confused rather than angry.

I lifted my eyebrows. "Yes?"

He looked away, seeming a little shy after being caught staring. "So, we won't talk?"

"You just said you don't want to talk."

"I know but it's strange sitting here and not talking."

"We can talk."

He just nodded, his lips forming a thin line. He was dressed in all black again—black jeans and a black T-shirt, along with a black cap that hid his eyes. With his tattoo ‘No1likeme’ on the inside of his upper arm peeking out.

I observed that when he was in higher spirits, he tended to wear brighter colors such as orange and beige. Conversely, when he dressed in all black, it signaled that he might not be feeling his best.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked with my full attention on him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. What's your favorite color?" He looked genuinely interested, his eyes slightly hidden beneath his cap, making his gaze darker.

"Look around and try to figure it out." I smiled at him.

He slowly lifted his head and hummed his eyes scanning the whole room, taking it in, analyzing. I was watching him the whole time, his sharp jawline and characteristic nose on the sight.

"Is it orange?" He asked, his attention back on me.

I chuckled. "It is, it wasn’t impossible to guess."

He smiled at that too. Whenever he smiled, it was like witnessing the world's eighth wonder—a unique and rare occurrence that could rival any God’s smile. 

"What is one word you don't like?" I asked.

"Love. It's just so overrated." Again, his expression changed as he was staring down at his hands thinking.

"Don't you love someone?"

"It's not that I don't love. It's just…" He adjusted himself on the sofa straightening up a little. "It's just doesn't embrace truthfully how I feel."

"How would you express it then?"

He paused, carefully choosing his words. "I treasure the people I feel close to. Everything they give me, whether it's gestures or words, they're little treasures that I keep deep in my heart, like in a small chest. And from that chest, I give to others. It might sound silly, but that's just how I feel." His voice sounded uncertain as if this were the most vulnerable moment of his life. 

My heart started racing, and I began to feel what he felt, causing my heart to ache.

"It is a very unique and beautiful way to think of love, it’s not stupid at all," I said understandingly.

"But sometimes no matter how much you treasure the people you love, life takes them away anyway." He slowly stood up and walked to the window as his voice came out unsure.

I stood quiet because I knew he wanted to keep going. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair. "What did I do to deserve this?" The fingers in his hair grabbed his hair and pulled it as I saw his back only. "I fucked up." He raised his voice.

I stood up but refrained from approaching him, knowing he could explode at any moment.

"What happened Hongjoong?" I asked with a calm voice.

"I couldn't say goodbye to her." His voice sounded weak like he was crying.

"To whom?" Tears appeared in my eyes as well, this was the most difficult topic of my life I could never speak easier about this even if it was the hundredth time.

"My little sister." He whispered his shoulders moving up and down as he was breathing heavier. "I couldn't keep her safe." He yelled and in a fit of rage, he swept the plants off the windowsill, sending them crashing to the floor. The pots shattered, and soil scattered across the room.

I trembled from the sudden sounds of the shattered pots my heart pounding in fear. I saw a lot of situations throughout my career, but this—never.

"I couldn't keep her safe and now she is gone." He calmed down a little as his knees got weak and he fell on the ground his face in his palms.

My breathing grew heavier. There were strict boundaries between therapists and clients—any personal connection was strictly prohibited. But... how could I stand by while he was broken on the floor with shattered pots and dirty soil around him?

I approached him slowly and knelt beside him, extending my hand toward him as he stared down at his hands, lost in his own thoughts. I hesitated, afraid to touch him, but I knew I had to take the risk. When my hand gently landed on his shoulder, he lifted his head to look at me with wide eyes.

"It's okay it's not your fault, Hongjoong. Life can be cruel and make us believe it is our fault but sometimes we can't do anything to stop what was already written." I carefully lifted my hand towards his face to wipe his tears. As soon as I realized what was I doing I quickly withdrew my hands. But before I could do that, he grabbed my wrist and held it against his face staring into my wide eyes.

"Can you hug me?" He asked with an unsure voice.

"Y-yes." My heart wanted to jump out of my chest because I knew I couldn't do such things, I couldn't bond with my clients emotionally, but it was just too late because we had so much in common with Hongjoong it was impossible not to.

I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. The scent of sweet caramel filled my nostrils, instantly calming me and prompting me to draw him even closer. His hands encircled my waist, gently lifting me as I settled into his lap. And I let him do it without a word, my only intent was to bring him comfort.

"How could I forgive myself?" He whispered into the crook of my neck, wetting it with his tears.

"Time will make you believe it wasn't your fault, trust me. Time heals everything." My hands unconsciously started to caress his back when he nuzzled his nose into my neck.

"I couldn't say her goodbye." He whispered weakly.

Tears welled up in my eyes as memories of my own began to flood my mind. Memories that I dig deep down so I won't ever have to remember. A little boy's face I saw every night in my dreams. A little boy's face, that slowly faded away.

"She's watching you from above," I whispered weekly.

And then someone shut the door outside and reality hit me suddenly making me jump out of Hongjoong's lap.

"My next client is here. You should go. Thank you for coming," I said, avoiding his eyes, and realizing the line I had crossed. I walked over to another door where supplies were kept, kneeling to begin cleaning up the mess he had made.

"Let me help you, please. I'm so sorry, Y/N!" I closed my eyes, hearing my name. He kneeled next to me to gather the shattered pieces but I didn’t let him.

"You don't have to help me. My next client is here, so please leave," I stated flatly, glancing at him without showing any emotion. He stared at me wide-eyed, as if unable to believe what I was saying. Then, he dropped the pieces he was holding, stood up abruptly, and left the room, slamming the door behind him. I trembled at the sound, and tears began to stream down my face uncontrollably. But I couldn't allow myself to break down here when others needed my help. I wiped away my tears, took a deep breath to compose myself, and began cleaning up the mess.

To my next client, I appeared as an always smiling and understanding woman, offering advice that could save their life. But who would save mine? 

After that day, I thought I would never hear from Hongjoong again. Perhaps he felt he had opened up to me only to have his feelings disregarded. I respected his emotions, but they overwhelmed me, and I was hesitant to deepen our connection. It didn't seem fair. Yet, he returned and acted as if nothing had happened on that dark, rainy day. We resumed our therapist-client relationship, asking each other questions as if he hadn't cried on my shoulder just a few days earlier.

It was a Friday evening when my last client left, it was late in the afternoon the sun was slowly disappearing, switching places with the moon. I locked the door of my office and left the building to sit in my car.

When I shut the door, sudden emotions hit me like a train that had no breaks. I needed to grab the steering wheel. All day I needed to put on a mask and smile for the people who needed reassurance and tell them only positive things that made them feel better.

I needed to keep my emotions in, which flooded like water crushing into a dam's cement walls. I needed to keep them back and just make that wall thicker, and stronger so it won't break. But there were already some thin cracks on it.

I breathed in and out slowly. This day was the worst of the year in five years. Today five years ago I lost my little brother in a bus accident that was a fault of a man driving drunk. And that school bus was just there at the wrong time, taking the lives of many little kids who were the most innocent human beings on earth. I broke that day, just like my parents, who still did not process what happened. Life was unfair and I blamed God, destiny, and everything I could just so it could be better. But it didn't, it happened and I just couldn't do anything at all. My little brother was the sweetest thing in this cruel world. He was only 7 years old, but he was so smart and kindhearted compared to his age. He simply did not deserve this fate, just like the other kids who died that day. Since that day, I see his face in my dreams which are sometimes nightmares, as the accident is playing in my head, even though I wasn't even there when it happened. But his face slowly disappears in my dreams, it's starting to get blurry and I was terrified on the fact, slowly I won't even remember his face.

Psychology was the thing that saved me from burying myself in the dark. Studying distracted me and after I finished college, I settled for a job that was being a therapist and hearing other people's problems and dark thoughts—which sometimes scared me to death—but after working in this field for 5 years now, I realized this is just people—people who only need help, a helping hand that guides them towards the light. In the process of guiding them, I slowly helped myself out alongside them, their thoughts and problems being the priority of my life, distracting me from my real problems.

But on that day, I couldn't hold it back any longer. After gathering myself, I drove to the cemetery with a bucket of flowers in hand. The cemetery appeared dark, reminiscent of scenes from horror movies, with only a few faint lights illuminating the path ahead. I knew the way to my little brother's grave as well as I knew the back of my own hand. The weather was chilly, and I hugged myself tightly for warmth, clutching the bucket of white lilies.

When I reached my little brother's grave, I couldn't contain my emotions any longer. Everything I had been holding back broke through like a dam bursting, and I fell to my knees, crying uncontrollably.

"I miss you my little bud." My tears wetted my cheeks, the moon above illuminating my brother’s grave as I whispered into the quiet. My sobbing echoed through the dark and quiet cemetery. I had never truly had friends who could be there as shoulders to cry on. It's one of the reasons being a therapist is challenging. Friends often come to see you as the sole stable point in their lives, where they can vent about their struggles and expect reassurance and advice without offering much in return. The problem was they only saw me as their therapist-friend. Over time, I grew accustomed to it and began to cut ties with those who were only friends with me for this reason.

I was still kneeling on the dirty ground, miles away from the real world as I just stared at my little brother's grave that said 'Rest in peace forever, our brightest star'.

"Y/N?" I heard a voice that seemed strange but a voice I felt like I had known my whole life.

I glanced to my left and saw a man standing there in dark clothes with a hood on. Blonde strands of hair partially hiding his eyes. 

"Hongjoong?" My voice came out weak, almost like a whisper. I quickly wiped my tears away, it was a habit of mine, where no one could see me in any vulnerable state.

"What are you doing here at this hour? You'll get cold." He stepped closer with a confused expression.

"I—I just… visited my little brother." I couldn't take my eyes off him as he slowly kneeled next to me, the universe now turning as the other time it was me kneeling next to a broken Hongjoong. He looked at me with a broken expression and slowly reached his hand to wipe my tears away.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." He whispered, cupping my face into his hands. "It could have been difficult when I spoke about my sister. You are so strong, Y/N." His voice was filled with concern, his eyes watering as I broke again and started to cry again. For myself, but for Hongjoong’s loss as well.

"Come here," he said, pulling my head closer to his neck so I could breathe in his sweet caramel scent, which enveloped us both. "It's okay, let it all out. You deserve to." He gently stroked my hair, then slowly slid his hands behind my thighs and lifted me onto his lap. I settled onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face into the crook of his neck. Throughout, he continued to caress my back and hair, whispering reassuring words that melted my heart. Gradually, his calming caramel scent helped me feel better.

"Let's get out of here, you are shivering." He said putting distance between us to look into my eyes, I just nodded, as he slowly took off his black hoodie, and despite my resistance, he helped me wear it. It made me look small, its sleeves hiding my hands, but it was so warm it made me forget how cold I had felt. He slowly lifted me off his lap and helped me up like I was a porcelain.

"And what are you doing here at this hour?" I asked looking up at him as he held my waist.

"Visited my sister." He gave me an understanding smile.

"Oh, they are in the same cemetery? Then they have company at least." I smiled, imagining his sister and my brother playing around, even though I never saw her.

"Yeah, I am sure they are having fun." He smiled genuinely. "Did you come by car?" He asked as we started to walk towards the exit in the dark and terrifying cemetery, while he was still holding me by my waist, scared I might fall at any moment.

"Ah, yes," I replied, trying to ground myself back in reality. I hated when people saw my vulnerable side and perceived me as fragile as glass.

"Let me drive you home, I won't let you drive in this state." He said looking at me with concerned eyes.

"I'm okay, I can drive. And you don't even have a driver's license Hongjoong." I looked at him and frowned.

"I don't care I won't let you go home alone." He seemed determined and I was too tired to fight against him.

So I let him drive my car, to where I lived even though he had no available license, but he didn't seem to care about that so neither did I. We managed to arrive at my place without the police handcuffing Hongjoong on top of my car and I felt relieved at that.

"Thank you," I looked at him grabbing the handle. I was tired and I just wanted to get a warm shower and collapse into my bed. "You can take yourself home I'll get my car tomorrow." I chuckled as I said to him.

Hongjoong chuckled at that too. "Now you are not scared I'll get arrested?" He smiled sweetly which warmed my cold heart.

"Sounds like a you problem. If you get arrested, I'll just say you stole my car." I lifted my hands with a teasing smile.

"Hah, of course you would," he remarked, reaching his hand quickly to pinch my cheek. "Okay, but only if I can take you somewhere tomorrow," he added, leaning back in the driver's seat. 

I looked at him confused. "You know we can't do that."

"Why?" He asked mirroring my expression.

"Because you are my client?" I asked my brows furrowing further.

"And you think I give a shit about that?" He leaned closer to my face as he whispered it.

"But then I won't be able to hold your sessions anymore," I tried to say, attempting to create some distance, but finding myself frozen in place, the words nearly escaping me.

"I don't care, I just want to be with you." He said leaning even closer, our warm breaths melting together.

"You barely know me," I stated.

"I'm going to change that." He whispered onto my lips and then leaned back looking at my slightly blushed face satisfied.

"I'll text you, sleep well!" He said with a confident smile, winking at me.

"How do you know my number?" I asked him frowning.

"Dear, you are my therapist." He said with a shit-eating grin.

"Well, not anymore," I replied, rolling my eyes with a smile that I couldn't suppress. I stepped out of my car, only to watch it roll away. A sincere smile spread across my face as I saw him drive off.

Might Kim Hongjoong be the person who saves me?

The next day, Hongjoong texted me that he would pick me up at 6 p.m. and told me to wear comfortable clothes. Unsure of what he meant exactly, I opted for sweatpants, a white crop top, and white sneakers. I also brought along my black sweatshirt, as the weather was still cool in the middle of spring.

When I stepped out of my apartment and went down to wait for Hongjoong, I looked up at the sky and it was slightly cloudy, it might rain in the evening and before I could run back to get an umbrella Hongjoong was rolling near the sidewalk so I could jump in.

"Hello there." He smiled at me sweetly taking me in with his gaze.

"Hi," I said, nearly blushing under his sharp gaze. I quickly glanced at him and noticed he was wearing black shorts that reached his knees paired with a white T-shirt. We were unintentionally matching.

"Okay soo," He looked at me unbuckling his seatbelt. "I think you should drive because I don't want to risk it anymore." He chuckled a little embarrassed.

I chuckled at that too. "As you shouldn't, I told you." I opened the passenger seat's door to switch places. When we met at the front of the car, he pinched my waist and quickly sat in the passenger seat smiling.

"Buckle up Mr. Kim, if you want to survive," I said with a teasing voice buckling my seatbelt.

"Yes, my lady!" He saluted as I laughed loudly.

I started to drive as Hongjoong told me the directions where we were going because I had no idea where we were going and he didn't want to tell me so I just drove where he said.

In the meantime, we carpooled a bit, because it's a must, and we both love shouting along to music. I put on Beach Weather's "Chit Chat," and we belted out the lyrics together. 

"So come on, get your fix now, now, now"

"You drive me crazy with that"

"Chit chat do you want that"

"Or wanna take me home tonight?"

"I thought I told you, I really need you sugar"

"I'm going supernova"

When we arrived at a parking lot, I looked around, trying to figure out where we were. My jaw dropped when I realized. 

"Are we going to play tennis?" I looked at him wide-eyed.

He chuckled sweetly. "Yes, if it's okay with you. Do you know how to play it?" His smile never left his lips and I loved it.

"Hmm, let me think…" I looked straight as we were still in the car. "I actually hate tennis." I side glanced at him waiting for his reaction.

He gasped forming an 'o' with his mouth. "Really? How dare you Kwon Y/N?" He seemed like he couldn't believe what I said, but this was the truth, tennis just seemed boring looking at it on the TV.

"Maybe, but just maybe you could change that." I smiled at him as I opened the door and got out of the car.

He got out as well and went to the back of the car to get his equipment and there was also a basket which I assumed was for a picnic.

"Ahw, is that a picnic basket?" I looked at him leaning against my car.

He closed the rear door with the basket and the equipment in hand and he slowly approached me hovering over me.

"Is there any problem with it?" he whispered; his lips so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath. His caramel scent enveloped me, making my knees weak. 

"Not at all, it’s sweet," I whispered eyeing between his eyes and lips as I bit my lips. He looked so hot like this; I didn't know if I could keep it up anymore.

"Then let me teach you how to play tennis," he said, leaning close to my ear as he nuzzled into my neck. "God, I love how you smell," he whispered. At that moment, I needed air, feeling like I might faint. It felt like being a teenager again when my first crush approached me, leaving me uncertain if this was good or not. 

 I would've never thought I was going a date—I guess it was a date—with the professional tennis player Kim Hongjoong, who always seemed like an asshole in the videos I saw of him, and my first impression as a therapist wasn't also the best of him, but the truth is, he is just a lost man in the middle of his twenties who had none left in this world only tennis was the only thing that kept him going, that slowly slipped through his hands as well. But I really hoped he was going to find his way back to the passion that kept him going and I am going to help him find the way back to the light not because this was my job, but because in this short time, I started to care for him, not like I cared for my other clients, it was deeper and something invisible connected us that I couldn't name.

The tennis court was empty, illuminated by streetlights, with Hongjoong heading to the entrance to switch on the five floodlights. The court glowed green and a light shade of orange, divided by a net in the middle. I stepped onto the field, looking around in awe, as I had never been on a tennis court before. To our right were the seats where the crowd would cheer for the players. I was certain that one day I would be sitting there, cheering for Hongjoong with all my heart if everything went the right way.

"So," Hongjoong broke the silence. "Do you like it?" I turned as I saw his sweet smile.

"It's okay, I guess," I teased with a smile. I noticed he had already started unpacking the things he brought from the basket, laying a blanket near the net. He looked so sweet like this. 

"I didn't know you were the romantic type," I said slowly approaching him, kneeling next to him to help him unpack all the food and sweets he brought.

"Well, it depends on the person." He side-glanced at me as he sat down on the blanket.

"Oh, should I feel special?" I sat down next to him, our shoulders slightly touching as I looked at him with serious eyes.

He looked back at me, tilting his head to the side and giving me a sharp glance. At that moment, I realized how close he was. His blonde hair perfectly highlighted his sharp eyes, and his cheekbones had a slight pink tint. My heart started to race, my body felt hotter than ever, and he hadn't even kissed me. I wondered if I could survive a kiss from him. I glanced at his thin lips, curved slightly in a smile. Up close, his face looked even more chiseled. He was so handsome that I finally understood why he was a famous tennis player. It wasn't just his skills; it was also how incredibly good-looking he was.

"Will we eat sometime or you will stare more?" Hongjoong's voice brought me back from my inner thoughts and as I realized I was staring the whole time I felt as my face got a little warm.

"Don't get over yourself, you did the same." I chuckled as I looked at the food and picked up a sandwich with ham and salad.

"How could I have not stared?" His voice came out low as he picked some green grapes and threw them into his mouth.

"Oh, shut up," I said, playfully bumping him with my shoulder as he chuckled.

"Make me." He leaned closer and smiled at me teasingly.

I laughed at that. "Does this work on other girls too?" I asked, hiding my mouth behind my hands as I tried to swallow the sandwich, nearly choking in the process.

He shrugged. "Don't know, haven't tried it."

"So, the bad guy image you created, isn't true?" I said looking at him suspiciously, finishing my sandwich.

"The media created that image, not me." He looked ahead as he supported himself on his hands behind his back, his legs straight.

"It must be hard, like…" I glanced at his side profile. "They follow every step of yours and they are waiting for you when are you going to make a mistake." 

"It was hard at the beginning, there weren't anyone beside me, I was all alone…" He leaned forward and pulled his legs up his elbows on his knees. "But I got used to it with time and didn't give a shit about them."

I did the same, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them. "Your parents…what happened with them?" I looked at him with soft eyes. "If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay."

"No, no, I want to. It was a long time ago…" He glanced at me briefly before looking down at his hands in front of him.

"They both died in a car accident when I was only 16. Just before the accident, I had started playing tennis. My dad encouraged me to play, and I couldn’t be more grateful for introducing me to this sport. After the accident, my sister and I were sent to an orphanage." His voice faltered slightly. I reached my hand toward his back and gently caressed it. "They even separated us because of the age gap. She was only 5 back then. We didn't have any relatives who could adopt us. So, I waited two years until I could take Byeol with me."

"It must have been difficult, you were only 18 and taking care of her and yourself at that age…" I looked at him as tears welled up in my eyes. This man went through hell and he was still here smiling.

"Yeah, well, she died too, in another accident... How is any of this fair, Y/N?" He rested his head on my shoulder, and I gently brushed my fingers through his hair.

"It's not fair at all. Nothing is fair. But we just can't do anything, we have to keep moving for them right?" I traced my hands from his hair to his cheeks, to his jaw to pull him up so I could look into his eyes.

"Right?" I asked him again caressing his cheeks.

"Right." He smiled genuinely at me.

He sighed and stood up. "Okay, enough of the sad moments. Let me teach you some real tennis," he said, offering his right hand to help me up. I accepted it, and he pulled me to my feet. 

"So, this is your side and the other is mine." He pointed at the other side of the field and went to grab the rackets and the tennis ball.

"What if we play a game?" I asked, observing his reaction.

"What game?" he asked curiously.

"We ask each other questions every time we pass the ball," I suggested.

He looked excited and agreed, saying, "I'm in."

With that, he handed me one of the rackets. "You have to hold the racket like this," he began, explaining the main rules of tennis quickly and enthusiastically. The way he explained it, I almost felt like starting a tennis career (though I won't). 

We started passing the ball to each other, and at first, I wasn't very good at it. But with practice, I improved, and soon we could pass the ball to each other at least five times without it going out or accidentally hitting Hongjoong. We were making progress.

As we played, we asked each other questions, gradually getting to know each other better. I had so much fun the whole time; I couldn't remember the last time I laughed this much. In recent years, my life hadn't been filled with happiness and laughter. It was all about work and making my clients happy.

It was never about me, but I realized I couldn’t have a life were I just serve people, trying to fix them, my happiness was also important and Hongjoong made me realize this, even though he was the same—his worldview was similar to mine. We always saw our little siblings in the back of our minds, even though they would've wanted us to be happy, but we were too stuck in self-pity and how life was unfair, we didn't notice how much we destroyed ourselves. So, we just need to put it behind us, they are always going to live in our hearts, no matter what. We are going to live for them.

As we passed the ball to each other and jogged in place, I started feeling like I might collapse. I wasn't the fittest person on earth, and after half an hour of playing, I was tired. We were so engrossed in the game that we didn't even notice the dark clouds gathering above us. It wasn't until a sudden rainstorm caught us off-guard that we realized, standing there soaked in the middle of the field, looking at each other and laughing.

Instead of caring about the rain, we continued playing. But then I cheated by not hitting the ball back properly, and Hongjoong jumped over the net that separated us, chasing after me. I screamed like a 12-year-old, our inner children coming to life as we ran, our sibling-like spirits taking over. But I didn't stand a chance—he caught my waist from behind and twirled me around. I laughed so hard from the surprise and joy that I couldn't stop. 

"Got you!" He chuckled, as he took me down and hugged me from behind as we both were soaked the rain still pouring.

Then he slowly turned me around to face him. He was smiling so sweetly, his wet blonde hair glued to his forehead just as my hair. He reached his hand towards my face to brush off a string of wet hair behind my ear. His fingers tracing down from my ear to my neck, then to my jaw up to my lips where waterdrops dropped down to my already soaked top. He traced my bottom lips gently wiping the drops away. Our expressions turned serious, every goofiness leaving our soul as we both stared at the other taking in the other as the rain made us more beautiful. He looked so breathtaking with the passion burning in his eyes, his lips parted and the waterdrops that were on his lips made him more attractive. As his hands cupped both sides of my jaw, he slowly started to close the distance between us.

"I wanted to kiss you since the first time I saw you." He whispered onto my lips, his eyes never leaving mine.

"It didn't seem like that." I teased him with a slight smile.

"I'm sorry…" He leaned his forehead against mine.

"Just shut up and kiss me!" I said to him seriously.

He chuckled and finally closed the distance not even thinking a second, his lips crushed into mine like it was destined to each other. Our lips moved in synchrony as I could taste the rain that still soaked us with its full power, but I couldn't mind, because at that moment I didn't feel anything except Hongjoong's lips on mine, that tasted like sweet caramels mixed with the taste of rain. It felt like I was in paradise, as his hands moved from my jaw down my spine to my waist, he grabbed it and pulled me impossibly closer to him, our bodies melting together, closing the rain out. It felt like a relief, kissing him like my soul finally found its peace. When one of Hongjoong's hands dug into my hair at my nape, I unconsciously parted my lips and his tongue immediately found its way into my mouth as I wrapped my hands around his neck deepening the kiss. I felt like I might faint between his arms, as I had no oxygen left and he just simply made me feel weak like I could slip through his hands easily. But his arms held me strongly like a pillar and made me feel safe.

When we separated, he leaned his forehead against mine, out of breath and soaked till bone he leaned again towards my lips and gave little pecks onto my wet lips like he couldn't get enough of me.

"Let's go, we are going to catch a cold even though it might be too late." I smiled up at him, my hands still around his neck.

"Can I take you to my house?" He asked with a sweet smile his voice barely hearable because of the rain as his hands were still on my waist holding me close to his body. "Well technically you are going to take us to my house but you know." He chuckled. 

"Yeah, let's go," I said, pulling away from him, still feeling the effects of the kiss that had made my legs weak. It was strange kissing Hongjoong, yet at the same time, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I never imagined someone could make me smile the way he did that day.

Since my little brother passed away, I often felt undeserving of happiness. But today, this realization hit me hard. He would have wanted me to be happy, not to dwell in self-destruction. I tried to be happy, but I never felt truly happy, and I wasn't sure if that was even possible. However, right now, with Hongjoong by my side, I felt like I was on the path towards happiness. 

When we arrived at Hongjoong's house, I was utterly fascinated. I already knew he was wealthy, being a professional athlete, but the house I saw surpassed all expectations—truly, I'm not exaggerating. It was colossal, almost like a modern castle. The exterior boasted white walls with expansive windows, sharp architectural features, and a garden adorned with delicate garden lamps. I even caught sight of a pool in the back.

Parking the car in the garage, we entered through a door that led directly into the living room—a space that was larger than my entire apartment. The main colors were black and white, with touches of brown. In the center of the room sat a black couch flanked by armchairs on each side. Opposite the sofa was a massive TV that seemed bigger than me. The walls were adorned with Renaissance paintings of various landscapes, which I admired until Hongjoong brought me some clothes, urging me to shower and change out of my soaked attire that clung uncomfortably to my skin. I hesitated to sit on the luxurious-looking couch, opting instead to explore the expansive space.

Moving slowly towards the fireplace—because of course, there was one—I observed the framed pictures displayed there. I guessed correctly that the photos were of Hongjoong with his little sister, and a picture of his parents when they were younger. Nearby were trophies he had won, along with a photo of a younger Hongjoong on a tennis field, beaming proudly while clutching a trophy larger than himself. His smile in that photo was so joyful and proud it touched my heart deeply. At that moment, I resolved to bring back that carefree Hongjoong—the one who only cared about winning games and making his little sister and parents proud. I wanted to see him smile like that again.

And when my eyes narrowed further it stuck on a framed picture that felt both familiar and strange at the same time. I had this picture at my home, framed but this picture was in Hongjoong’s house. My heart began to race, and I felt light-headed. The picture showed kids smiling happily to the camera with so much happiness, radiating pure joy. But I couldn't smile, because my little brother stared back at me from that picture.

"Here are some clothes that may fit you, I hope they are okay." I heard Hongjoong's voice behind me, but it seemed so far away I could barely hear what he said. I felt like suddenly I couldn't breathe, my lungs were full of air but I couldn't get myself to breathe it out. It stuck, just as my world stopped, at that moment and I couldn't believe what I saw.

Then I suddenly felt hands on my shoulders that brought me back to Hongjoong's living room, as I was still staring at the framed picture.

"Hey, are you okay?" I heard Hongjoong's worried voice on my left, as he was still holding me, turning me to face him, by my shoulders.

I slowly tilted my head up to meet his gaze, and I didn't even notice tears were falling down my cheeks, Hongjoong's concerned eyes met mine, filled with worry and uncertainty.

"Did something happen Y/N?" He reached his hand towards my cheeks to wipe my tears away.

I could finally breathe out the air that was stuck in my lungs and slowly reached my hands towards the picture bringing it between us. "I-is…w-was this your sister's class?" My voice came out unsure and weak as I felt I couldn't breathe again.

Hongjoong slowly took the picture from my hand, his expression softening into a slight smile. "Yes, she's in the middle. They took this on the day of the accident," he said quietly, pointing at his little sister in the photograph. His smile carried a tinge of sadness.

That was when I couldn't hold back anymore. I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. Hongjoong looked at me with wide eyes, clearly bewildered by my sudden outburst. But as I gazed at the picture again, I realized something shocking—next to his little sister was a smiling boy who was unmistakably my brother. They were holding hands. It couldn't be true. It couldn't be that we both lost our siblings in the same accident and that they were friends, perhaps even best friends. 

I buried my hands in my face as tears streamed down, my legs giving way beneath me. Before I could collapse completely, Hongjoong caught me and held me in his arms. I felt hollow, like an empty box that once held cherished memories but was now vacant. We both ended up on the floor, with Hongjoong holding me close, whispering comforting words and gently stroking my back and hair as I sobbed into his neck.

After a while, I began to feel a bit calmer. I realized it was best to explain to Hongjoong why I was crying before he thought I was irrational. 

My hands reached towards the framed picture on the floor and my fingers traced through the middle where our siblings were holding hands. "This is my brother next to your sister. They are holding hands." I pointed at my brother on the picture whispering it in a weak voice.

Silence hung heavy between us, and when I didn't hear a response, I lifted my gaze to find Hongjoong's head tilted toward the picture in between us. He was staring at our siblings captured in that moment. Gently, I reached out and touched his jaw, turning his face towards mine. His eyes glistened with tears that rolled down his cheeks, each one precious as it traced a path across his face. With my thumb, I wiped away the tears and then embraced him tightly, climbing onto his lap. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him, offering comfort and solace in our shared grief.

"At least they are together up above," I whispered into his ears as tears fell from my eyes again. It was me now, who tried to comfort him, as he did before without any word. I caressed his back then my fingers brushed through his blonde hair from his nape his hair was still a little wet. I put a little distance between us and leaned my forehead against his. "Are you okay?" I whispered it close to his lips.

"At least they are together." He repeated my words. "And we are here for each other too." His hands found their way up to my jaw and cupped it as the barely lit living room lights illuminated his face.

"We are," I whispered as I smiled at him slightly.

Then he pulled me closer to his lips as he cupped my face and I immediately felt at ease as his lips sealed against mine with passion I never felt in my life. Caramel scent embraces us with warmth, our soaked clothes are long forgotten. His lips moved against mine with a burning desire that whispered a promise between us to be there for each other forever.

The next thing I know is me being pushed against the wet wall of the bathroom, the water falling on us from the shower head above us, Hongjoong's lips on mine, our saliva mixing with the water, our hands interlaced above my head as we kissed each other with fire even the water falling on us couldn't stop the burning desire we felt for each other as his lips found their way down my neck, sucking on it, leaving little love marks here and there, as quiet moans escaped my mouth. The bathroom's walls echo the sounds our mouths made. As he whispered words into my ear that promised us a bright future together as we united our faith.

 Two souls destined to meet, to heal from the sorrow their siblings' deaths left in their lives. Two souls that were destined to each other so they could find their way back to life, that is full of vibrant colors again, together.        

A/N: Soo, that happened, lol. I just wanted to tell you I might write a part 2 for this story, only if I feel it tbh, because it is really just the beginning of their story. I have already some ideas of how I could continue it because let's think about it. Hongjoong is famous and lives in the media, and the paparazzi always find out everything so how would the media affect their relationship?

(Ateez masterlist)

[snowysosturn]

Fire & Desire - Matt Sturniolo Part 2

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Pairing: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n has always clashed with Matt. Despite working for Chris’s clothing brand and being close with Nick, her relationship with Matt has always been tense at best. While being forced to be around each other more, their animosity turns into something deeper. Can they overcome their differences, or will their fiery emotions tear them apart?

Warnings: MDNI, angst, bickering, mention of toxic relationship, aftermath of a toxic relationship, arguments, tension

I step carefully through the wreckage of my apartment, trying to see what’s salvageable so I could have a few things to live out of, staying with the triplets. Most of my things are either smashed, torn, or covered in a fine layer of dirt and glass shards. Ethan didn’t just take his belongings, he left destruction in his wake.

I sigh, kneeling down to inspect what’s left. A lot of it can be replaced, I tell myself. Furniture, dishes, even the picture frames, it’s all just stuff. But as I rummage through the mess, a sinking feeling sets in. Something’s missing.

My heart races as I scan the countertop near the bathroom. I dig through drawers, lift pillows off the bed, and even check the edge of the shower where I remember setting it.

“My locket..” I whisper.

The small, gold locket my grandfather gave me before he passed. Engraved with his writing, something I felt always brought me good luck. I only take it off to shower, but this morning, in the rush of everything, I forgot to put it back on after. Now, it’s gone.

I stand still, gripping the edge of the sink. Of all the things Ethan could have taken or destroyed, why this? I close my eyes, trying to steady myself, but the loss feels heavier than the rest of the chaos combined.

“Y/n?” Nick’s voice snaps me back to reality.

“I’m almost done” I call back, my voice cracking slightly.

“We’ll wait in the car, take your time.” Nick says, as the three of them leave my apartment.

I grab my suitcase, throwing in whatever clothes and keepsakes I can save. My heart aches as I step over broken memories, knowing I’ll never feel at home here again.

As I walk out of the apartment, I take one last glance at the space that used to be mine. Now it’s just a reminder of what I’ve lost, and what I need to leave behind.

Outside, I see the triplets waiting in Chris’s car. Chris is leaning against the driver’s door, scrolling on his phone. Matt is in the passenger seat, looking like he couldn’t care less about the situation. Nick spots me and jogs over, taking the suitcase from my hand without saying a word.

“You okay?” Nick asks softly.

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Let’s just get out of here.”

Chris looks up as Nick loads my suitcase into the trunk. “You sure you’ve got everything?”

“Yeah..” I reply, forcing a weak smile, wanting to grab the empty space on my chest where my locket would’ve lay, knowing the one thing I promised to never lose, is now gone.

Matt lets out an exaggerated sigh as I climb into the backseat. “Thank god, I’m still starving.”

The drive to their house is tense. Chris hums along to the radio, Nick tries to lighten the mood by cracking a few jokes, and Matt stays silent, occasionally scrolling on his phone. I stare out the window, trying to focus on anything but the knot of anxiety tightening in my chest.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. But for now, I had no choice but to figure out how to move forward.

We pull into the garage of the triplets’ house, a place I’ve been to more times than I can count. Between my friendship with Nick and working with Chris, this house isn’t unfamiliar territory. The three story house is a place full of energy, chaos, and, right now, tension.

Chris parks the car, and I step out, clutching my suitcase in one hand. Nick is already out of the car and at the door, holding it open for me like the good friend he is, while Matt trails behind us, dragging his feet like he’s walking to his own execution.

“You know where everything is” Nick says as he ushers me inside.

I step inside, suitcase in hand, the stairs creaking slightly as I lug my suitcase up to the main living area. Chris floated off into his bedroom on the way in, and Matt made comfort for himself on the couch. From there, I follow Nick up the next flight to the top level of the house. My new “room” is just outside Nick’s.

The podcast room, or what used to be the podcast room, is a tiny square area tucked at the end of the top of the stairs. The artificial walls are still standing, flimsy and paper thin, painted in mismatched shades of white, pink, and turquoise. It’s like stepping into a DIY project someone abandoned halfway through. The floor is covered in black and white checkered lino, glaringly out of place against the rest of the house.

“It’s not the Ritz” Nick says, scratching the back of his neck, “but we can make it work. I’ll help you get set up.”

“No it’s fine, I appreciate it” I reply, offering a small smile. “You’re saving my ass right now.”

I drop my suitcase on the floor and glance around. The space is.. A space. Let’s go with that. It doesn’t have a door, just an open entrance directly leading to the stairs, and Nick’s bedroom door opposite me, but I can’t exactly complain. I knew this was a temporary solution.

Nick gestures to the far corner. “We can fit a bed over there, maybe a little shelf or something for your stuff. I’ll start looking for furniture now.”

“Thanks, Nick.”

He grins. “What are best friends for?”

I glance at the walls, noticing faint pencil marks where posters and soundproofing foam used to be. The room is oddly quiet, considering how thin walls are, I know on a day to day basis they aren’t much of a barrier, but they’ll give me some semblance of privacy.

I roll my suitcase over to the corner and I unzip it, beginning to pull out my toiletries, placing them on the floor beside me as I try to figure out the best way to organize everything. Toothbrush, toothpaste, skincare stuff, my shampoo and conditioner.

“Uh, Nick?” I call out, glancing over my shoulder at him. “I’m not really sure where to put my toiletries. Using your bathroom would mean I’d be going in and out of your room all the time, and that could get pretty inconvenient.. especially if you’re asleep or something.”

Nick tilts his head, considering. “Yeah, that might get a little awkward. You could always use Matt’s bathroom, I mean it’s not in his room, and everyone uses it anyway.”

I freeze for a second, side eyeing Nick. “Matt’s bathroom?”

“Yeah” Nick says, as if it’s the simplest solution in the world. “It’s easier, and you won’t have to tiptoe around me.”

I glance down at the stairs knowing Matt’s down there, already dreading how this conversation is going to go. As if on cue, Matt’s voice echoes from somewhere below. “Wait what?”

Nick leans over the railing. “I said Y/n could use your bathroom since it’s easier. It’s not a big deal.”

Matt appears at the bottom of the stairs, his expression a mix of disbelief and irritation. “Why does it have to be my bathroom? You’ve got one. Chris has one.”

“Because it’s not in anyone’s bedroom” Nick explains to him. “And it’s right down the stairs.”

Matt runs a hand through his hair, clearly annoyed.

I sigh, standing at the top of the stairs, crossing my arms. “Look, I’ll keep my stuff out of the way, and I won’t use it when you’re in there. It’s not like I’m going to live in your bathroom.”

Matt narrows his eyes, muttering under his breath, “Feels like it.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “Stop being dramatic. It’s not like she’s going to redecorate your shower.”

I shoot Matt a pointed look. “Believe me, this is just as awkward for me as it is for you. But I’m not exactly drowning in options right now.”

Matt throws his hands up. “Fine. But if my stuff goes missing or gets moved, we’re gonna have a problem.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “You’ll survive, Matt. Trust me.”

Matt mutters something under his breath before heading back to sit on the couch. I turn to Nick, who just shrugs with a lopsided smile.

“Don’t worry about him” Nick says. “He’ll get over it. Eventually.”

I sigh, rubbing my temples. “Yeah, let’s hope that happens sooner rather than later.”

Deciding that keeping my toiletries in my little makeshift room for now is the safest bet, I arrange them neatly in the corner. I’ll just grab what I need when I need it and take them down to Matt’s bathroom individually. No reason to make this situation worse, or give Matt another excuse to complain.

Nick, still leaning against the doorframe of his own room, looks up from his phone. “I just checked some spots online for a bed. Macy’s has a decent one we can go pick up today.”

Matt, who’s clearly eavesdropping from the couch below, calls out, “I’m not driving. Ask Chris.”

“You’re so helpful, Matt. Seriously.” Nick yells down the stairs.

I sigh, standing up. “It’s fine, I’ll go ask Chris.”

Leaving Nick and Matt to bicker, I head down the stairs to the bottom floor of the house where Chris’s room is. His door is slightly ajar, so I knock lightly. “Chris?”

No response. I push the door open a little more, peeking inside. Chris is sprawled out on his bed, fast asleep, with one arm draped over his eyes. His phone is charging on the nightstand, and a half empty bottle of pepsi sits next to it.

For a moment, I debated whether I should wake him up. I decided against it since I’ve just moved into the place, the last thing I want to do is make demands or step on anyone's toes. 

I turn on my heel to walk back up the stairs, Nick and Matt still bickering in the distance, I hesitate at the bottom, my hand gripping the banister tightly as I hear Matt's voice. His tone is sharp, laced with irritation.

“I just don’t get why she has to live here” he hisses, clearly unaware that I’m within earshot. “Like, does she not have any other friends?”

My stomach twists at his words, and my steps slow, barely making a sound.

“She does, Matt.” Nick retorts, his voice firm. “But she’s also my best friend, and I’m sure Chris would consider her one of his too. This will also make things easier for them both for work purposes. Like you’re the only one with an issue here.”

I stay frozen in place, torn between storming up there and pretending I didn’t hear a thing.

“Yeah” Matt scoffs, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “and I bet Chris only gave her the job because he wants to smash.”

His comment lands like a punch to the gut, my heart sinking. I stand there, gripping the railing, trying to push away the sting of his words.

Nick lets out a frustrated sigh. “Seriously, Matt? That’s low, even for you. Chris gave her the job because she’s good at it, and you know it. Maybe if you actually got to know her instead of acting like an ass all the time, you’d see that too.”

There’s a brief silence, and I think about heading back to Chris’s room to avoid hearing any more, but my feet feel glued to the spot.

Matt’s voice cuts through the pause. “Whatever, man. Just don’t expect me to be all buddy buddy with her. She’s your friend, not mine.”

I take a deep breath, swallowing the lump in my throat. I’ve always known Matt and I didn’t get along, but hearing him talk about me like that feels different.

Determined not to let them see how much it affected me, I make my way up the stairs, forcing my steps to sound casual. As I approach, Nick glances over his shoulder at me, his expression softening into something apologetic. Matt doesn’t even look my way, his jaw set and his arms crossed.

“Chris is asleep” I say, keeping my voice calm. “I didn’t want to wake him.”

Nick sighs, pushing himself up from where he was leaning against the wall. “Alright, guess that leaves us with Plan B.”

Matt immediately looks skeptical. “What’s Plan B?”

“You.” Nick says as if that was a stupid thing to ask.

Matt groans, his head tipping back dramatically. “Are you serious? Why do I have to do it?”

“Because you’re here, you have a car, and Chris is asleep” Nick counters, folding his arms. “Stop being difficult and help.”

Matt looks between the two of us, his jaw tightening. “Fine” he finally says, his tone clipped. “But if I’m driving, you both owe me food, since I never got it earlier..”

Nick smirks. “Deal.”

“And I’m not spending hours out here either, I’ve places to be later.” Matt says firmly, as he grabs his keys.

Nick, already halfway down the stairs, doesn’t even look back. "Relax, Matt. Looking for bedding isn’t going to make you miss your date later."

I glance at Matt, who scowls, his expression hardening even further. "Good. Because I’m not ditching plans to play chauffeur."

“Yeah, yeah, we get it” Nick says with a dismissive wave as we step outside toward the car.

I follow behind, trying to suppress my irritation at Matt’s attitude, silently wishing this entire situation didn’t feel so awkward, and I didn’t overhear that conversation.

As we climb in to the car, I silently promise myself I’ll try to stay out of Matt’s way as much as possible. If only it were that easy.

a/n: my sleep pattern is FUCKED so parts might be all over the place

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel  @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl @julisturn @sydneyylainn @sophia-77n @trevorsgodmother @sturnslutz @yourmother29 @girl24cherry @astronea @pinkdyit

[eksvaized]

StripClubOwner!Simon x Reader

After you start dating Simon, who is the owner of not one but three popular strip clubs, you find yourself deliberately avoiding them.

The main reason for this aversion is that you don’t want to be trailing behind him for hours on end while he attends to his business. Moreover, it’s difficult to ignore the way the dancers gawk at your boyfriend with obvious admiration, which they don’t bother hiding. Not even when you're glued to his side, holding his hand.

You’ve never considered yourself a jealous girlfriend. You’re secure in your relationship and you trust Simon. But there are moments when you find your confidence waning. This often happens when you see the amount of attention that he attracts, particularly from the girls who work for him.

They're always around him, their eyes following his every move, their laughs a bit too loud, their smiles a bit too wide. The intensity of this attention becomes especially palpable when he walks into the dressing room to hand out their checks. It’s almost as if the atmosphere changes—the air electrifies with expectation. The girls straighten up, their backs arching subtly, their faces lighting up.

It’s these moments that leave a sour taste in your mouth. You try to brush it off, to reassure yourself that it’s all in your head. But the feeling of insecurity, instigated by these instances, clings to you, stubborn and unyielding.

At first, Simon’s unaware of the turmoil brewing within you, oblivious to the anxiety you feel and blind to the fact that you are increasingly crafting excuses to avoid setting foot in his clubs. This avoidance goes unnoticed by him for a while, your subtle changes in behavior flying under his radar. But when he finally picks up on it, it leaves him feeling more than just a bit frustrated.

That frustration eventually leads to a conversation where he asks you directly about your reluctance to visit his clubs. Faced with his question, you spill your guts out about how it all makes you feel insecure.

Simon, to his credit, listens to your concerns. He doesn’t interrupt or dismiss your feelings, instead he absorbs your words, letting them sink in. After that intense conversation, things change subtly between you two. For a while, he doesn’t bring up his work.

However, there comes a night filled with laughter, deep conversations, and a hearty dinner. Admittedly, the two of you indulge in a little too much to drink. Simon, ever the extravagant spender, spares no expense when it comes to fine alcohol. You, on the other hand, despite not having the same tolerance, try your best to keep up with his pace. The result is you ending up in a state of giggly euphoria, while he, accustomed to such indulgences, barely feels tipsy.

Amidst this atmosphere of light-hearted intoxication, Simon, with a serious expression that starkly contrasts the jovial mood, proposes a solution for you to overcome your insecurity. He suggests an idea that is as unexpected as it is intriguing.

“Dance,” he says. "One of the girls would teach you,." His belief is that by doing, you would not only come to see that you are every bit as talented as his dancers, if not even more so, but you would also realize you don’t need to be jealous or feel insecure.

In the morning, you find that the idea which seemed brilliant the night before doesn’t hold the same allure. However, after a week passes, before the club opens its doors for the night, Simon drives you to it and introduces you to his top tipped dancer.

You’re immediately intimidated, unsure of what to expect. However, as it turns out, your fears were unfounded. The dancer is a lovely woman, slightly older than you, patient and understanding. She starts you off with simple moves that you can practice on the floor. Once she sees you getting comfortable moving around in heels, she encourages you to try some moves on the pole.

The following week is spent training intensively, and surprisingly, it becomes a fun. This happens especially once you find your balance and stop falling each time you raise your legs in the air—the initial awkwardness fades away, replaced by a growing confidence in your movements.

As the month passes, your readiness to step onto the stage grows, but it only happens after a lot of persuading from Simon. He reassures you, tells you he wants to show off all the hard work you’ve put into your training.

And show you off, he does. After your debut performance, you’re met with an overwhelming amount of positive attention from the rowdy men in the audience who can’t tear their eyes away from your body. The thrill of being on stage, combined with the generous tips you receive, makes you want to dance again.

You become a regular performer at the club, captivating the crowd with your mesmerizing dance moves and the way your body moves. You never strip, daring only to shed a few pieces of clothing here and there, but that doesn’t prevent you from becoming the customer’s favorite—your aura becomes a magnetic pull, drawing in patrons night after night.

Simon’s overjoyed when you decide to leave your shitty job and start working for him. His excitement, however, doesn’t blind him to the need for certain rules. He puts several in place, but there’s one rule specifically created for you — no lap dances. Under no circumstance is anyone allowed to lay a hand on you.

But there are those who dare to break the rule. Occasionally, men attempt to get their hands on you. But each time, they end up with broken fingers.

Surprisingly, the pain and humiliation don’t deter them. They return to the club the following night, attracted to you like moths to a flame.

I wanted to write a short fic based on this, but I already have many WIPs >.<

[pitchsidestories]

anxiety II Cata Coll x reader

masterlist I word count: 2081

summary: cata helps you through your anxiety attack right before your first El Clásico game for Barcelona. Inspired by this sweet request here.

Your heart beat way too fast in your chest. You could feel it.

There was not enough air in your lungs, no matter how often you breathed in and out.

It was suffocating. Too tight.

Your thoughts were racing too, still you couldn’t catch a single one of them.

Catas voice floated over to you. She sounded muffled, far away even though she stood right beside you.

“Amor? It’s time to get on the bus…“, she said gently.

You caught yourself, focusing your gaze on her: “Oh uhm… right.“

She took your hand into hers, pulling you with her onto the team bus: “Come on. Jonatan doesn’t like to wait.“

You let yourself drop onto the seat next to Cata.

All around you, your teammates were talking. Excitement dripping from their conversations, causing the bus to vibrate with anticipation.

Only you remained quiet during the drive. You had a hard time keeping up a conversation when you were as overcome by anxiety as you were now.

And in your opinion, you had every right to feel anxious.

This was your very first season at Barcelona since you joined from a much smaller club and this was also your first El Clásico. You knew how much significance this game held for everyone involved. And this time, it would be played in the famous Camp Nou.

All of this should feel like a dream to any football player but to you, this felt like an absolute nightmare.

As the bus neared the stadium, the crowds of fans in Barcelona and Real Madrid jerseys became larger and larger. You watched dumbfounded from your seat. This was something that you had never seen before, especially not at your former club.

You felt the panic creeping up your spine once more.

“Wow… so many people. Are they all coming to our game?“, you asked, your voice shaking slightly. Secretly, you hoped that someone would say no.

Instead, Ona almost stood on her seat without tearing her gaze from the sea of fans: “It’s amazing, right?“

“I heard it might be sold out.“, Alexia offered more information with twinkling eyes.

You swallowed hard: “Wait, really?“

“Yes.“

“Holy shit.“, was all you could offer. Why couldn’t you be as excited to see so many people? Why was it so easy for everyone else to enjoy this game?“

Mariona smiled at you: “This will be great.“

“Probably.“, you mumbled quietly.

You focused on your breathing until you finally arrived at the stadium. You jumped out of the bus with everyone else, dropped your bag on a bench at the dressing room and disappeared in the restrooms. You didn’t even have the time to appreciate the luxury of this stadium.

You also didn’t care much about that when you knelt on the tiled floor, dry heaving into the toilet bowl.

“Amor?”, your girlfriend called for you in a worried tone, you haven’t heard her coming in until she started speaking.

“Yes?”, you mumbled as you rested your head on the cold ground.

“Everything okay?”, the goalkeeper asked audibly concerned.

“No, I can’t go out there and play.”, you replied quietly.

“Of course you can.”, she stated while letting herself in before wrapping her strong arms around your smaller frame.

“This is too big for me, Cata. I’m used to small, small island, small club, this might be a mistake.”, you listed nervously.

“A mistake? Y/n, Barca signed you because they wanted you. They know what you’re capable of. And we saw that in training too.”, Cata reminded you.

“But this isn’t training, what if I fail the team, the fans, you.”, you bit your lip, sharing your darkest thoughts with her.

Empathetically the fellow player strokes your back gently:

“You won’t fail.”, the brunette declared reassuringly.

“Cata, you can’t know that.”, you shook your head slowly.

“Yes, I can. I know you.”, your girlfriend replied sincerely.

“Do you think so?”, you raised an eyebrow at her.

“Yes, remember when we fell of the boat during high waves and you stayed calmer than me?”, Cata began.

“Of course, I could never forget that we were teens back then.”, you nodded.

Back then you have taken a boat from your older brother to enjoy a day on the sea, far away from the tourists who flooded Mallorca each summer. It’s been the summer where your friendship blossomed into a romantic relationship.

But the weather was something you both underestimated, the suddenly harsh weather hit you by surprise, the two of you were landing in the water. Your normally relaxed girlfriend was panicking, despite your anxiousness you stayed calm in the moment bringing you save to the sandy beach.

“Yeah, but this isn’t much different from that.”, the words of the goalkeeper made you return to the present.

“It’s not the sea.”, you corrected her.

“Maybe it’s not the same situation. But the solution is the same. Everything will come to you if you remain calm.”, Cata reassured you.

“I feel a bit better now.”, you admitted, getting up from the floor with her helping hands to lead you back into the changing room.

“Do you want a hug now or not?”, she questioned smiling.

“I could need a special Cata hug to be honest.”, you confessed.

“Here you go.”, the goalkeeper hugged you grinning.

For a moment you closed your eyes, your girlfriends embrace was so comforting to you. 

“Thank you.“, you whispered against her shoulder.

You suddenly felt a weight on your back and you found yourself sandwiches between Cata and another person.

“Can we join the hug?“, Claudia asked as if her arms weren’t around you already.

Cata sighed with her eyebrows raised: “A group hug? Seriously?“

“Okay. No group hug. Maybe later.“, Claudia pouted playfully.

You knew she didn’t mind but still you felt bad denying your teammates a hug.

Apparently Cata could feel your hesitation so she winked at the younger player: “You will get one later, promise.“

Once Cata let go of you, you were able to keep your anxiety at bay as you went through the motions. You put on your shirt and your shoes, you had another sip of water and forced yourself to have a small snack before you went out for the warm-up.

There, you finally got a look at the inside of the stadium. Your stomach dropped at the sight of all these people and the stands were not even completely filled yet.

Your thoughts started spinning subconsciously again, catastrophizing. Images of yourself failing at the easiest tasks flooded your head. What if you disappointed your teammates? What would the fans think? Would Cata be embarrassed for you?

You tried to focus on your warm-up session as best as you could but the uneasiness never left you.

It got worse, the closer it got to kick-off. You stood in the tunnel next to Alexia, looking out at the crowd and tried to pull it together.

Your hands were sweaty and shaking. You should have went to pee again. Two times was definitely not enough.

“The nerves were getting to you, huh?“, Alexia said suddenly.

You looked over to her. It looked like you were hiding your current nervousness well enough right now.

“Yes.“, you replied flatly.

Your captain nodded slowly, never tearing her gaze away from the fans: “That’s normal. Camp Nou is a very special place.“

She almost sounded in love.

“It is.“, you agreed, biting your lip.

Finally, she turned to look at you. A gentle smile played on her lips. “You will see. It is almost magical.“

At any other time you would have loved to listen to her musings about Camp Nou but that was definitely not the case in this moment.

“Can’t wait…“, you said.

“And also…“, she continued.

“Yeah?“

“Cata will have your back the full ninety minutes. Literally.“, she smirked.

Cata agreed right behind you: “That’s right. Let’s go!“

You could feel her hand on yours, squeezing once for encouragement.

The two of you locked eyes and you gave her a small nod: “Okay, let’s go.“

The game was on, the atmosphere with the thousand of fans in the stadiums was exhilarating.  Your heartbeat matched the beating drums.

As a player though you didn’t find the time to take this side of the match in instead you tried to stay focused and much to your own surprise it worked. While playing against the Madrid players and with your team you felt the same calmness you had when you saved Cata and yourself from the troubled sea.

Even then one of the women in the white jerseys tackled you, you were able to stay in the moment. The anxious thoughts couldn’t reach you right now.

“Are you okay, y/n? She tackled you pretty hard?”, Patri wanted to know from you in a concerned tone.

“Yes, I’m okay.”, you told her as she helped you to get back on to your feet.

“You don’t need anything?”, the midfielder continued being worried.

“No, I’m good.”, you assured her ready to take the free kick yourself.

The Barca fans were holding their breath, watching the ball flying in the air until it reached one of your teammates heads who scored the first goal of the game.

With sparkling eyes Alexia pulled you into a grateful hug: “Nice one. Told you there was something special about this stadium.”

“It feels like a theatre of dreams and your goal was amazing, Ale.”, you agreed beaming.

After the ninety minutes were played you sprinted straight into Cata open arms: “It was scary at first, but when it felt amazing.”

“I told you.”, your girlfriend answered proudly, holding you tightly.

“Time for the group hug!”, Claudia demanded in the background, interrupting the sweet moment between you two.

During the embrace of your teammates, Ona congratulated you smiling brightly:” Y/n, you were so good on your first game at Camp Nou.”

“Thanks, Oni.”, you whispered thankfully.

“I had no doubt about that.”, Cata threw in with a cheeky smirk on her lips.

“Of course not.”, Patri rolled her eyes playfully.

“She’s just that good.”, the goalkeeper shrugged.

“You’re so in love with your girl.”, Claudia commented teasingly.

“Maybe.”, Cata admitted, having only eyes for you as she spoke which warmed your heart even more.

“Not maybe, definitely.”, Salma corrected her giggling.

“Yeah, okay. But also, I know how good she is.”, your girlfriend responded.

“Y/n, she’s your number one fan.”, Alexia observed amused.

“So am I of her.”, you replied sincerely.

A gagging noise from beside you made you look over to your right.

Lucy grimaced, pretending to throw up. “That’s almost too sweet to believe it.“

“Yeah but looking at the two of them… I believe them.“, Mariona said, smiling at you and Cata.

You started to get a bit uncomfortable with the attention from your teammates so you asked innocently: “Can we change the topic? We have a win to celebrate.“

It still felt absolutely surreal that you had taken part in winning the infamous El Clásico.

“What about a light night swim?“, Cata suggested, fanning herself with her gloves.

Your teammates all exchanged sceptic glances. You couldn’t blame them, most of them probably just wanted to go home after an exhausting evening.

Jana raised an eyebrow: “Seriously?“

“It’s warm. Why not?“, Cata shrugged.

You grinned at your girlfriend: “I’m in.“

“Fine. It’s only us then.“, Cata laughed as no one else seemed interested.

You wouldn’t say that your were too sad about that. “Alright.“

After a quick shower and getting dressed in a rush, Cata took you the beach.

You could barely contain your happiness once you heard the crashing waves and tasted the salt in the air.

“We won!“, you yelled as you dashed towards the water. You just ran until the water reached up to your hips. It was just as refreshing as you were hoping it would be.

Cata followed quickly: “We did!“

She stopped right next to you, pulling you close to her.

You stood chest to chest, the water moving around you but you stood there, still and immoveable.

You smiled at Cata.

She smiled back, her eyes glinting in the moonlight.

You leaned forward and kissed her with all the excitement and restlessness of the night: “Here’s to many more wins.“

You knew they would come, whether they were big wins with your team or small wins fighting your own mind. And Cata would always be right there with you to celebrate them all.

[liketwoswansinbalance]

In the modern publishing landscape, these days, I think like we do not have many (if any) point-of-view characters with low social motivation for whatever reason.

Sure, there are lots of characters with social anxiety or other perceived or legitimate foibles to overcome, there are many YA villain origin stories, and there are many unpalatable, traditionally "unlikable" men in classics, but disregarding those, who else do we have?

Can the state of openly being alone (and content) rarely be presented as morally-neutral or as the end result of a narrative? Must it always be that either being alone is the starting point, so there's room for "personal growth," or that being alone is seen as "undesirable" and/or an indication that the person alone has a "problem" or something otherwise wrong with them, like a deficit or moral failing that in some kind of karmic way gives them "what they deserve," which is being alone and discontent with it?

Characters with society anxiety, any differences in communication, or other reasons that interfere with forging connections "don't count" because they may still be motivated. Traits such as these only stand in the way of gaining relationships, as plot obstacles. They aren't intrinsically tied to indifference or to low motivation. So, these characters clearly are not experiencing a lack of interest. And they are not the ones rejecting others. Thus, they "don't count" as far as the archetype that I'm looking for goes.

Characters who undergo villain arcs or otherwise negative arcs may want to maintain their relationships or gain them, so some examples are immediately disqualified (hence not having low social motivation), even if they are the type of character most likely to alienate themselves by a story's end, conflicting with what they wanted.

(Unfortunately, Coriolanus Snow, who is quite close to the type of protagonist I'm searching for "doesn't count" because he has some drive to keep people in his life.

Rafal Mistral partially "counts," and is satisfying as a character, but also doesn't count because he temporarily makes "friends" or allies, depending on how you look at his exploits. Yet, despite all this, not having friends isn't exactly framed as a morally-neutral state either, so he is also disqualified by the end. Basically, he does have low social motivation, but his narrative lacks the conditions that would make the natural consequences of that low motivation play out for themselves. He is always surrounded by people, even if he hates every last one of them.

And, generally speaking, the usual, moody-broody, "misunderstood" YA love-interests very easily "don't count" because they have a desire to get closer to their object of affection.

Even Katniss Everdeen, an overall good person, who usually views herself as "unlikable," befriends others, originally for pragmatic, survival purposes. However, she does start with low social motivation, so that's something in her favor.

And yes, I'm aware that we need other people in this world—I would just like to see someone prove that supposed truth wrong once. And perhaps succeed in their world, if that's not too much to ask for.)

Also, are there any instances of characters who progressively alienate themselves from others, in which that progression is not inherently seen as negative? Like, what about non-corrupt misanthropes? Are there few of those in literature? (Maybe—Eleanor Oliphant from literary fiction counts, but something about that book did not appeal me and I didn't finish it.)

Classics guys sort of "count," but I haven't really seen examples of any comparable protagonists today since many authors and readers write and look for "relatability" in blank slate everyman figures oftentimes.

(I'm not done with Crime and Punishment yet, but Raskolnikov is very tentatively looking like a safe bet for a character who may end up alone and who may not be completely malcontent over such a fate, even if I'm expecting tragedy. I'm that not far along, but I also wouldn't mind it too greatly if he died, I suppose.

And even Sherlock Holmes has Watson as his constant, even if he's notoriously asocial! So he "doesn't count" either.

Carol from Main Street also comes close, but still ultimately desires approval from others.

Maybe no one is truly immune to humanity and I should give up on this notion?)

How many pov characters out there are 1) apathetic toward the masses and 2a) either alienate themselves as the plot progresses or 2b) do not make any friends? (I will allow them making friends and consequently losing them though because that still ends in net zero!)

Indeed, this "gap" in protagonists I've been running into lately, especially with coming-of-age arcs and protagonists whose arc is some form of "getting out of their shell," is: why do we (almost?) never see protagonists who just flat-out don't progress in terms of connecting with fellow humans?

Wouldn't having even a handful of those types be reflective of reality? (We as a society are more disconnected than ever, to be fair, despite constantly having access to one another via technology.)

Or I would completely understand it, if it were narratively impractical to have a plot in which a protagonist makes zero friends. Maybe, it's a near-unwritable form for a story?

So, my question is: does anyone have book recommendations, which present a character whose end goal is not to make friends or forge connections (any other ambitions or motivations are fine) and whose state of being friendless both lasts and is regarded as morally-neutral or as not outright evil? Any genre is fine. High fantasy is preferable. I am stumped.

(I also wouldn't mind recommendations of books in which the protagonist is vilified due to being alone, even if that is not my primary query here.)

[yandere-sins]

Ok but like… can you do some yandere NSFW könig headcanons? Like if you disobeyed him and you were crying and scared of the punishment but he has to do it but he’s super horny I’m sorry ignore if it’s too thirsty I’m down bad 😩😩😩

You, me, everyone lol. Thank you guys for being down bad for this anxious bad boy, I love him too ♥

Rated Lemon, 18+

»»———————— ♡ ————————««  

♡ If you put huge body mass, anxiety, and social awkwardness in one man, you cannot expect him not to absolutely simp for his darling in any and all ways possible to mankind. Of course, he tries so hard to make you like him and gain your favor until you finally cave in and comply with him asking you to come to him for cuddles. König didn't know he'd get a massive boner the moment you straddle his hips either, but well... now it's there, and he's biting his lip to the point of drawing blood, ready to fall to his knees, begging you not to abandon him once you notice and jump off him. If you don't notice it right away, mistaking the boner for his muscled thighs, you'll probably find out about it from his heavy panting and strangled breaths as he barely lasts a few seconds before cumming in his pants. He's so fucking ashamed and still so fucking hard afterward that it's painful.

♡ I know the real question is: Does he whimper? And tl;dr: He whimpers. It's such a glorious, stammering mess when his cock gets the tiniest bit of attention. König thanks, moans, praises, and then thanks you some more for the opportunity to fuck you, disregarding if you were on board before he started his merciless thrusts or not. Up to climax, he is all but praising the lord for how beautiful, amazing, and enhancing his life you are, and how tight, warm, wet, and well you're taking him. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you. Only to then, abruptly, grow quiet, breath halting as his body tenses, a strangled squeak escaping him as his cock pulses inside you, ready to release all this pressure that has built up for years. It might become a problem that he can't shut up in further sessions because he's downright annoying as he goes on and on while you're trying to reach your own orgasm somehow through the awful experience. But if you demand it from him, König will do his damn best, sounding like a miserable squeaky toy every time he thrusts into you and isn't allowed to say something. It's this hard for him to stay quiet.

♡ He's a huge premature ejaculator with too much stamina. No matter the reason you two are fucking—be it out of emotions overcoming you two or because he can't take it anymore and takes you out of uncontrollable need—König is all but over the moon over every touch or breath against his cock. If there's any warmth to plunge into (mouth/pussy/ass), he's cumming from the slightest stimulation, like a lick or his tip sliding in, only to then get a real taste as his hips move on their own, driving his cock deep inside with no restraints and his jizz as the lubricant. There's no holding back once he's inside you either, as he keeps plowing through both of you continuously reaching climax until he's finally satisfied. However, he still cums more times than you do, filling you up to the brim. I blame it on his lack of real-life experience, so over time and training, König, too, will last a little longer. Though this also means there really isn't a way to tease him for the first year of being caught up with him. König just cums from everything you do once he had a taste of you, even if it's just something like you having nothing clean to wear and putting on his shirt. The stains everywhere are abhorrent.

♡ I do totally believe that König's darling is likely his first and last relationship despite the... situation you two have with him kidnapping you and now using you as a cumdumpster as well. So he's still quite inexperienced, BUT he works incredibly hard to please you regardless. There are surprisingly a lot of tutorials these days on how to please your partner, and König is all too happy to try them on you. Making you cum ultimately also makes him cum, but he's genuinely doing it for you first and foremost, and it elates and motivates him to see you shivering and climaxing right in front of his eyes. There's something so satisfying in knowing he can do this to you, and it almost makes König believe if he keeps going, you'll fall in love with him at some point. He's too delusional to know when to stop or listen to you begging him to accept it when you say no. Once he starts fulfilling his desires, there's no way anyone can stop him. It's like fucking you becomes his second way of breathing.

♡ König probably wouldn't use sex as a harsh punishment. However, he really hates arguing with you (it upsets his anxiety badly), so if he finds out that he can stop arguments with his cock or fingers, there's a very high chance he'll use them against you. Listening to your gurgles or moans is like heaven after the hell every argument is for him, so he'd rather 'punish' you by facefucking you or fry your brain by having you hang from his thick fingers until you're a drooling mess. It's a charming way to stop unnecessary bouts of emotions, and once he learns to keep himself more in check, he'll be happy to leave you behind to go about his day after making sure you can't form any coherent thoughts anymore that would cause more arguing. It's like he resetting you back to more peaceful times, and it works well for him.

♡ While König doesn't like anything that can potentially harm you (he believes that sex should be nice and loving and a wonderful experience for you both while he forces you to take him like an animal), he does have his fair share of kinks. He's totally on board with trying everything once as long as it's between the two of you since he really doesn't like sharing you with anyone. His favorites will always be kinks that mark you in some way, be it covering you in cum, biting, scratching, leaving hickies, painting your inside whites (and all the kinks that support this), and watching it drip out of you as if that means you belong to him now. He also loves all kinds of things that enhance the experience, like groping, toys (though he gets childishly jealous of them), forcing you to roleplay (authority kink in both ways, baby!), foreplay sessions, etc. And when he does realize he might have worn you out, König will simply resort to using your worn underwear or getting off between your thighs to finish his session alone. Nothing compares to being inside you, but it's a pleasant alternative every once in a while.

♡ His curiosity, however, has led to a few reprehensible times, too, especially when it comes to applying his strength. His hands are just a bit too big when they wrap around your throat, and had he not snapped out of it, he might have snapped you. The same goes for being so lost in fucking you that he doesn't realize he's accidentally ramming you into the headboard or slamming you into a wall. Sometimes he won't realize he's squeezing the air out of your lungs with his weight on top of you. Occasionally, these things happen, and they ruin the mood for both of you. Worn out by PTSD, things become increasingly dangerous as he remembers moments from the battlefield, even though you are in front of him. It feels like he's trying to crush you with his arms until you panic and scream his name to pull him back to reality and out of the memories of him killing soldiers with his bare hands. König is so devastated whenever he does things like this, trying to get you comfortable by holding you and coddling you even though you want nothing more but to get away from him. He'll cry and apologize so much that the rest of the day is ruined, and he can never forgive himself for confusing you with a damn bastard on the battlefield. No matter how much you struggle, you won't be able to get out of his hold now either, as he needs to feel you as close as possible to know you're okay while he goes through a full-blown anxiety attack over what he did. But hey! At least you're alive... barely.

[chososbabymama]

The heat from his hand was scorching as you felt him knead the cusp of your ass. He was finally home from a 2-week long mission and you'd decided to don a cute lace lingerie set he hadn't seen yet, eager to surprise your husband when he got home. While one hand was behind you the other had made its way to your mouth, tapping twice on your lips. As instructed, you opened your mouth for him to edge him fingers into. He slowly thrust three digits back and forth and back and forth...teasing you the way he does when your desperate to have him in your mouth.

Sitting atop his lap you could feel him swelling, twitching and jerking in his sweats with every whimper you let escape. You weren't sure how long you could hold out before you started begging him to touch you. The ropes that bound your hands and wove around your chest began to shift as you continuously squirmed on your makeshift seat. You'd missed him dearly these past few weeks, the sparse phone calls could only do so much to satiate your anxiety regarding his safe return. When you knew he would not only be returning in one piece but also with a clean bill of health, you'd been overcome with the urges to give him a welcome home gift to make up for time lost.

However, after weeks without you, you really should have known your husband would take his time. He relished in the way you came undone just for him, and you did too. You just wished he'd finally fuckin' touch you!

As if he heard your thoughts, your lover moved his hand from your ass, and slid in down your lace panties. Expert fingers found your clit, sending waves of pleasure through you; whimpers now becoming outright cries of ecstasy as he played with your center. It didn't take long before your arousal could be heard in the bedroom, your wetness dripping onto his hand and he brought you closer and closer to your peak. You looked down at your lover pleadingly, hoping that he wouldn't deny you of an orgasm after being apart for so long...

He flashed a wicked grin towards you, working his fingers faster. You felt the pleasure shoot through your spine as your orgasm slowly crept up, your toes curled in ecstasy. Your lover knew your body so well; he worshipped you. Heated gaze fixed on your erotic expression, he continued to focus on your clit until he knew you were close. To him, there was something so arousing about knowing that you trusted him enough to pick you apart and pull you back together with just a few soft touches and sweet words. As he watched your thighs tremble he couldn't help but revel in how he's the only one who can see you like this; who can make you fall apart and turn you into an enticing mess of cum, sweat, and tears of pleasure.

Your back arched painfully as you felt your orgasm approach, your walls enclosing his fingers in a vice-like grip when he'd pulled a pebbled nipple into his mouth; gaze still fixed onto your sex wrecked state. He could feel you about to reach your peak and drowned in your moans, he loved to hear you cry out his name and beg for a release no one but him could provide. Just when you could taste the pleasure on the tip of your tongue it was suddenly ripped away as he pulled his hand away to reach and grasp the other side of your ass. You whined loudly in protest, rocking back and forth on his thigh; hoping to get some form of release. He'd quickly stopped your motions with a firm grip of your hits. Whining once more you tried to silently plead with the love of your life to let you cum, you didn't want to wait any longer as the two weeks away were long enough to drive you insane. He took a hand from your backside and used it to cradle your face, he watched with a fond smile as your lids fluttered and your body started to get less tense from being denied your previous orgasm. A thumb came to caress your cheeks and you tried giving him a pleading look, one that usually worked.

"Shh, c'mon now mama don't look at me like that. Been away for 2 weeks and I come back to you dressed up so fuckin' pretty for me, and you expect me NOT to take my time?" He'd started running his hands all over your body, fingers grasping onto any piece of you he could get. He knew how much you'd missed him, he could feel it; but there was some sadistic part in him that loved seeing you so worked up. He wanted to see you lose yourself in pleasure...

You felt yourself being swiftly picked up before he laid you gently down and your shared mattress. You blinked at him through wet as as you watched him get on his knees and place his head between your thighs. You could feel his breath on your sensitive pussy, it felt like you could cum with the brush of a feather. He'd taken his hands and used them to spread your legs, openly gazing at your wetness with a wild hunger you KNEW he'd satiate. You shivered as you watched him lick his lips and move down to your pussy, eyes never leaving yours the entire time,

"Damn, it's good to be home."

-Toji, Shunsui, Sanji, Satoru, Sanemi, Suguru, Shūhei, Uzui, Onyankopon,

[lightdancingwords]

Come Find Me - Part Six

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader

Series Summary: You are a new arrival to Big Sky, Montana, and found gainful employment with the local insurance department next door to the sheriff’s department. A whole new life with your past haunting you, while Beau is still dealing with the entanglements with his ex-wife. Can either of you succeed in overcoming your ghosts?

Word Count: 2,803

Tags/Warnings: Domestic violence, intimate partner violence, police work, very little fluff, lots of fear, angst, profanity, murder/death/kill

A/N: Comments, Likes, Reblogs, Kind feedback are always highly appreciated. Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! I'd like to apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I realized as I wrote it that I couldn't prolong it. I didn't want to. It's hard writing this kind of intense story sometimes. But I hope you all enjoy it! There's a touch of Beau POV in this chapter.

Divider: credit to @tsunami-of-tears

Chapter Six: I Will Find You

It had been a week, and there had been no movement on finding Mark. It was driving you wild with anxiety. You had to take Xanax again, which you hated, but it was the only way to function day-to-day. Beau escorted you to the Blue Bird every day, to ensure the room was free of danger and that you were safe on the way. He didn’t know that you knew he slept in his truck every night outside your room. You didn’t know how to bring it up… and he was just so damned sweet doing that.

Small wonder you found yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with him. You actually had to admit that one night when you were watching him through the peephole. He kept you safe, at the cost of comfortable sleep, and likely his health. It could not have been comfortable nor warm to sleep in that truck every night.

Unfortunately for you, that other shoe finally dropped and all hell broke loose.

You came into work like normal. Arthur apologized that the drama in Tennessee was driving him insane, but he was glad to hear all was well with you and the job. (He did not know about Mark. Beau opted not to tell him.) Arthur even said that once everything settled with the family, he’d be glad to make you partner in the business. Not just his assistant. That thrilled you.

Then the shoe dropped.

You had been sorting some paperwork at the filing cabinet when you heard the door chime. You said casually over your shoulder without looking: “Be right with you.”

There was a sound. You’ve heard it in movies and television shows, the sound of a gun clicking. And then that voice, the voice that haunted you for weeks.

“Don’t rush on my account, lover.”

You froze, every nerve tightening. That knot in you was so tight, you almost couldn’t breathe. Shaking, you turned, achingly slow, and saw him.

Mark was tall. He was maybe on par with Beau’s height, if not taller. He was stockier, thicker, partly muscle. His hair was longer, messier, and black as coal. His eyes were dark, almost black. He had a beard, untidy and wiry. His clothes were dirt-stained, evidently he hadn’t been able to change his clothes in the days he’d been hiding.

You couldn’t even remember why you loved him. The ugliness of his soul was obvious to you now. And he had a gun.

“Mark…” You whispered his name, your voice full of fear.

He smiled. It wasn’t warm; it was chillingly cold and rife with danger. “Hello lover.”

“You’re insane,” you whispered. “We’re right next door to the sheriff’s department. If they see you….”

“Well, they’d have to try to get to me through you, don’t they, lover?” he asked with a smirk.

You were trembling. God damn him. You couldn’t shake off the fear. “M-Mark… please…”

“No, no, lover,” he said, and his tone dropped into that familiar, fear-inducing cruel tone that haunted your nightmares for years. “Come here. Now.”

You felt the familiar well of tears in your eyes and felt your body obey. You had to. You didn’t want him to kill you. As you realized in that lunch with Doris, you didn’t want to die. Cooperation was necessary until a means of rescue or escape was possible. But God, if only your limbs didn’t feel like lead, as though you were moving through water.

“Good girl, lover,” he whispered hotly to your ear. You flinched. He frowned and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you tightly to him. He reeked, of sweat and something unsavory, that you couldn’t place.

“Now walk,” he growled, shoving the gun into your back painfully. You whimpered, hating how easily you listened. You kept telling yourself over and over that it was necessary, to survive. You wanted to believe it was out of that and not because you fell back into toxic habits.

You slowly walked out of the office and glanced over the parking lot. Beau’s truck was there. You debated a way to get his attention or anyone’s attention for that matter. Sure, they had cameras, but they wouldn’t know to look, until it was too late.

You bit your lip as an idea came to mind. Your gaze flickered to the parking lot and made a tricky plan. It was necessary, you decided. Risky, too. But… you nearly died once. What was a second time? Later, much later, you’d realize the profound luck that was attached to you.

All at once, you went down, tripping over a piece of rock. Mark grunted, forced to let you go as you went down. You sprawled, panting, as he growled and yanked at you.

“Get up!”

“NO!” That one, glorious time you found your voice. It was loud, piercingly clear.

“Bitch!” Mark backhanded you and you went down again, your face stinging, the taste of blood in your mouth. “Get up!”

This time you cried out as he jammed the gun hard into your back, his hand around your throat. He yanked you up, just as Doris’s face could be seen in the window. She disappeared a moment later, hopefully getting all of the sheriff department to get moving.

Mark shoved you into the passenger side of the vehicle and slammed the door. You tried to open the door and couldn’t. That was when you realized he likely had the child proof lock in place. You swore and tried to turn around, but it was too late. He was in the driver’s side, already ramming the car key in the ignition.

“Hey! Freeze!”

You looked up and saw Beau, fury etched in his handsome face, a gun in hand. He had it pointed at Mark.

“I said freeze!”

The wheels squealed as Mark pulled out and sped away with you in the vehicle.

—

You weren’t sure how long Mark had been driving. You huddled against the passenger door, terrified. Mark had the gun in his hand the whole drive, casually in his lap and pointed to you. You stayed there for a long time, eyes fixed on his gun.

“What are you going to do to me?” you whispered, your voice shaking.

“What I should’ve done the minute you betrayed me, lover,” he said darkly.

You had a memory flash, of pain in your abdomen, of his knife, and swallowed back a whimper. You knew if Beau didn’t find you….

“W-why didn’t you do it in the office?” Oh God, why did you ask that question? Why did you insist on torturing yourself with this knowledge?

He smirked at you. “Because, lover… I want to take my time.”

Oh God. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes. You found yourself silently pleading for Beau to find you, to rescue you.

The vehicle bounced down the road, far into the outskirts of Big Sky, and you knew. Mark must have some cave or camp or something. You knew if Beau didn’t find you soon, you were dead. Right then and there, you resolved to not let him kill you.

—

Beau wasn’t far behind. He broke every protocol and procedural rule in the book by running to his truck and chasing after Mark. He spent the last twenty minutes yelling over his cellphone, barking orders to Hoyt, to Poppernak, even Doris. He was demanding a helicopter from Billings—they owed him, he reasoned—and wanted every available deputy and officer to the west of Big Sky. That was the direction that Mark had taken and proved true every time Beau caught up and dropped back to keep track.

He wasn’t about the forget the sight of Y/N’s face when Mark shoved her into the vehicle. She looked so terrified, it lingered in his mind. He failed her. He failed her so thoroughly that he would never forgive himself.

Whatever Mark had planned, Beau was going to disrupt it. He was going to save her, and then, once Y/N was safely away, he was going to beat Mark to death. That wasn’t the first time that thought filtered through his mind. It was wrong. It was in complete violation of his oath as an officer of the law, but he couldn’t help it. Seeing Y/N in danger broke his heart.

It was bad enough he failed Emily. Yes, he rescued her from Buck, but not before Emily was traumatized for hours. He failed Carla; it didn’t matter that it hadn’t been his fault that Avery died. He failed her. Now he was failing Y/N.

“Dammit, Arlen,” he growled to himself.

He slammed his foot down harder on the accelerator. His truck shuddered for a brief moment. His mechanic was going to love this repair job.

—

Mark shoved you down the rocky path and you stumbled. He caught you—again—and gripped your arm tightly. “That’s enough ‘clumsiness’, lover,” he snarled, dragging you along with him.

You bit your lip and hated that he held you. He was interfering with your plan to let Beau know which direction Mark was taking you. You had been subtly leaving behind marks, clues, such as your earrings, a tear of fabric from your socks, every time you stumbled. You hoped it was enough.

“Where are you taking me?” you asked, and God, you hated hearing the quake in your voice.

“Where you can scream and no one can hear you,” he said, not even bothering to look at you.

You took a breath and prayed Beau wasn’t far behind. You well and truly hoped he wasn’t. That somehow he stayed close behind. That he was following you. That he’d find you.

Mark dragged you along, and no matter how you tripped and stumbled, he yanked you back up and kept on going. He didn’t bother to slow down. He didn’t care that you were unable to keep up well. You did what you could to keep going, terror pounding in every pulse.

Eventually you came across a clearing and you froze once more. There was a tent with a makeshift rock circle for a campfire. Beside the tent…. Oh God. There were a variety of rough-edged tools and knives. Some coated in what looked to be old blood, rust, and unknown dried gunk.

Your breath caught in your throat, and you bit back a cry. God, no, please, you thought to yourself. You barely survived the first time he drove a knife into you, and that was only because Mrs. Stefanik had come running. You were miles away from Big Sky and the nearest hospital. You might not even survive that long.

“Mark, please,” you pleaded as he threw you to the ground. “Please. Please let me go. You don’t want to do this.”

“The hell I don’t,” he growled, pinning you with a dark look. “You’ve been nothing but trouble. Couldn’t do a damned thing right. Can’t even die right.”

“Mark…” Your voice trembled, quaked with tears. “Please. You don’t want to go to jail for murder, do you?”

“Might as well,” he said with a scoff. “Because, lover, I’ve been wanting to do this for years.”

“What? Murder me?!” You couldn’t believe it. Mark had been wanting to kill you for years? All that time, all the soft touches, all the beatings…. Your relationship had been a lie. That shattered something inside you you hadn’t realized you were clinging to.

Mark stalked over to you, grabbed your throat and dragged you up. You choked back a scream and grabbed at his wrists, terrified. He glared at you. “You have been a waste of my time and my life. Killing you just might make it worth it.”

You clawed at his wrists, whimpering. Tears flowed down your cheeks as you saw death in his eyes. You knew without actually knowing that you had minutes left, maybe, before Mark followed through. You found yourself screaming in your mind, screaming for Beau. God, where was he?

Mark tossed you next to the pile of bloody and rusted weaponry and you landed with a loss of breath. You swallowed desperately for air, coughing. He stormed up to you, and you found yourself scooting away, fearful. You saw the storm of rage, of senselessness in his eyes, and knew. You saw death coming.

You reached behind you, pawed the pile, and grabbed the first thing you could. You swung a machete—holy shit—and he jumped back in surprised.

“You cheeky bitch,” he growled.

“What’s wrong, Mark?” you rasped, amazed you were still standing. “Didn’t expect me to fight back?”

He cocked the gun and you felt your heart stutter. Gun versus machete, and you knew the odds were bad. “Put. It. Down.”

You felt your throat tighten and dropped the machete with a metallic clang.

“Get up.”

You struggled to catch your breath. The fear was so heavy, it pressed against your lungs. “I… I can’t,” you whimpered.

“Get. Up.” He fired the gun and you flinched, the shot landing so close to your hip you nearly felt it. The sound was so deafening you heard a pitch in your ear.

“Okay,” you whispered. Absurdly, that Shania Twain song echoed in your head.

I'd rather die standin' Than live on my knees

Yes… you’d rather die standing. You weren’t going to cower before him anymore. Shakily, you got up, your hands scraping against the ground. You held Mark’s gaze as you stood, your whole body trembling so hard you were stunned at your ability to still stand.

“I was going to cut you, piece by piece,” he said, his voice dark. “But I’ve had enough.”

He pressed the barrel of the gun to your forehead. You clenched your hands and felt a tear streak down your cheek. You were going to die, alone. You were going to die before you had a chance to kiss Beau. Oh God, Beau…. All those sweet caresses, all the ways he called you “darlin’”, you wouldn’t have it again.

Your heart was pounding so hard you almost couldn’t hear Mark ranting. It didn’t matter what he said, it was all nonsense. All abusive nonsense.

Then you heard it, the crack of a gunshot, and flinched with a scream. Time slowed down, and you saw Mark’s head explode. You pulled away, brought your arms up and ducked down to avoid further collateral damage. Mark’s body collapsed to the ground.

For a long moment, all you heard was this piercing whine in your ears. All you could do was ball into yourself, trembling. Then you felt it, a hand on your shoulder, and some indistinct voice. You gasped, looked up—

It was Beau.

He pulled you into his arms and you whimpered as you buried yourself into his chest, sobbing. You barely heard him as you felt his arms wrap around you, held you tightly. His heartbeat was amazingly steady, a gentle lullaby that soothed you as you poured your tears out.

It was eternity; it was a second. You didn’t know how long he held you, comforted you. Slowly, the whine in your ears stopped and you finally heard what he was saying.

“I’ve got you, darlin’,” he murmured over and over. His hand soothed your back, rubbing up and down, a rhythm that eventually calmed you.

“How did you find me?” you whispered, your voice muffled against his chest.

He pulled back enough to meet your gaze, one hand cupping your cheek. “I followed you right out the parking lot, darlin’. Followed you all the way here.” His green eyes searched your face, intense. “Nice job with all the bread crumbs.”

“You found them?” you gasped out, relieved it worked. Amazed he followed you.

“I’d always find you,” he promised, his voice a low rumble. “I was ready to call the cavalry, darlin’. Helicopter. Tons of deputies, officers. Anything to find you.”

You let out a small breath, sniffled, and wiped at your eyes. “You found me,” you whispered, your mind and heart struggling to reconcile everything that just happened.

“Always, darlin’,” he murmured, touching your cheek and wincing as he saw the bruise from when Mark struck you. “Bastard’s lucky he’s dead.”

You let out a half-sob, half-laugh. “I can’t believe you did that.”

He kissed your forehead and whispered to you, “Anything for you.”

You closed your eyes, your breath shaky once more. You felt more tears well up and swallowed hard to fight the lump back. “Beau…”

“It’s okay, darlin’. You can keep cryin’. I ain’t going nowhere.”

You let out another sob and clutched at him, leaning your head against his chest. You felt his fingers gently go through your hair, stroke down your back, over and over, as you wept.

Fade to black.

-

Tag List: @spxideyver @deadlymistletoe @bitchykittenconnoisseur

[novlr]

How to write loneliness?

Loneliness is a universally shared emotion that shapes the psyche of your characters and the world they inhabit. It’s a silent force that can drive and change your characters, adding layers of complexity and pathos to their development. Here are some quick tips to write about characters experiencing loneliness.

Behaviour

May avoid social interactions.

Often choose to isolate themselves.

A lack of enthusiasm for activities they once enjoyed.

May appear distracted, distant, or aloof.

Neglect their personal appearance or living space.

Overuse technology or social media as a substitute for real-life interaction.

Engage in one-sided conversations with pets or inanimate objects.

Have a rigid routine that keeps them isolated.

Live vicariously through fictional characters in books and on TV.

Resist attempts by others to engage with them socially.

Interactions

Conversations may be brief, superficial, and lacking in depth.

Avoid eye contact and physically withdraw in social settings.

Miss social cues or respond inappropriately during interactions.

Exhibit envy or resentment towards those with strong social connections.

Overly formal or distant, even with friends.

React negatively to offers of companionship or help.

Express a cynical or negative view of relationships and friendships.

Display relief when social interactions are over.

Deflect personal questions and redirect the conversation.

Have a small social circle but lack a true confidant or intimate relationships.

Body language

Slumped shoulders or lowered head to avoid drawing attention.

Minimal or restrained gestures during conversations.

A fixed or blank expression, showing their detachment.

Fiddle with objects or their clothing as a self-soothing behaviour.

Cross their arms or legs defensively when approached.

Sit or stand at the edges of a group, physically distancing themselves.

Might have a nervous tick or habit when faced with social interaction.

Exhibit slow or lethargic movements, suggesting a lack of energy or interest.

Have a personal bubble they are reluctant to let others penetrate.

Usually the last to arrive and the first to leave social gatherings.

Attitude

Express a philosophical or poetic view on the nature of solitude.

Have an air of resignation or acceptance of their loneliness.

Harbour a secret hope of finding connection, but feel it is unattainable.

Quick to criticise or judge others as a defence mechanism.

Have a deep internal world that is rich and complex, contrasting with their outer displays of loneliness.

Believe that they are fundamentally different or disconnected from others.

Have a strong sense of self-reliance, seeing it as a necessity.

Demonstrate a fear of rejection or abandonment that prevents them from reaching out.

Heightened sensitivity to the pain of others, stemming from their own loneliness.

Experience moments of clarity or creativity when they are alone.

Positive story outcomes

Find strength and independence in solitude.

Experience personal growth and self-discovery.

Form a meaningful connection that alleviates their loneliness.

Gain a deeper understanding and empathy for the loneliness of others.

Use their time alone to develop a skill or pursue a passion.

Find that solitude allows for reflection and the development of a clear perspective.

Inspire others to appreciate their own company and find peace in solitude.

Become a catalyst for change, helping others to overcome their loneliness.

Create a work of art or literature that expresses their feelings and connects with others.

Their experiences of loneliness make their relationships more meaningful when they do occur.

Negative story outcomes

Become increasingly detached and withdrawn from the world.

Develop mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.

Make poor decisions due to a lack of guidance and support.

Grow to resent others, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.

Spiral into destructive behaviours as a way to cope.

Experience a sense of hopelessness about ever finding connection.

Become distrustful of others, hindering potential relationships.

Lose touch with social norms and struggle to reintegrate into society.

Overlook or sabotage potential opportunities for companionship.

Leave a lasting impression of sadness and regret in the narrative.

Helpful vocabulary

Forlorn

Sequestered

Estranged

Abandoned

Reclusive

Isolated

Adrift

Detached

Solitary

Alienated

Despondent

Forsaken

Lonesome

Marooned

Melancholic

Ostracised

Remote

Unaccompanied

Vacant

Withdrawn

Yearning

Bereft

Disconnected

Outcast