#how to bring love back into a relationship

[honeydazai]

₊˚⊹♡ how they express their love for you

feat.: Viktor, Jayce, Silco, Vander, Sevika

notes: the same prompt has also been written before by my beloved @moonlight-in-the-sea here!! observe it or perish.

VIKTOR, all scepticism and sharp edges, raised eyebrows and discontent twitches of his lip when it comes to interacting with most people, has long learned to be open and honest with you. It's been a bit of a work in progress, the two of you growing closer over time, a natural development, but it's certainly paid out — his open expression and warm smile whenever he's with you makes your chest feel tight with affection, as does the fact that he has let his guards down completely, discussing just about every topic with you, ranging from the kinks of new inventions he still had to figure out, to gossip about the councillors. His humour blooms around you and Jayce, becoming one of his most noticeable traits.

It's no secret that he's working more often than not, that he's eating and sleeping in the lab whenever you don't put a stop to it, but, as you grow closer, he makes sure to split his attention between his two greatest passions; you, and his work. It shows in multiple ways, either through him inviting you to come along and watch, proudly introducing the new hextech inventions to you, eyes shining brighter than blue stones, or him actually taking half a day off to spend with you instead, taking you out to explore Piltover's little shops or simply staying at home with you, all domestic bliss.

It's strikingly obvious to both you, and to everyone around you, that JAYCE is especially fond of you, given how much he's touching you. They're all innocent gestures, like his huge hand resting on your upper arm, or on the small of your back when the two of you walk next to each other, or the warm hug he pulls you into when seeing you for the first time that day, strong arms inescapable, but it happens too often to be a coincidence. Whether he himself knows he's doing it is debatable — your best guess is that it comes so naturally to him that he barely even notices.

He's surprisingly attentive when it comes to your wellbeing — it shows in him always having a blanket on hand, or him giving you his jacket, when you're cold, in him asking if you've eaten already and keeping foods you like around.

His family's work is forging, and even though he's not quite as used to working on something this delicate, he does extraordinarily well when it comes to making you jewellery, working every night until there's no flaws to be detected. He also asks Mel or Viktor — Mel, preferably; subtlety is more her strength — to figure out what kind of gemstones you prefer to use those in the design.

SILCO is a man who values privacy — and yet, he has no issue with you constantly hanging around his office. Really, he's weak enough for you that he might attempt to scold you when you sit on his desk, pushing important documents to the side, or even on his lap while he's working, claiming your rightful place, arms looped around his neck, but his words never come off as truly strict, tone exasperated, but he'd never do anything against it. At this point, his office is as much your space as it is his, given how your belongings lie around everywhere — your lipgloss on his desk, your spare jacket on his wall, your favourite snacks secretly stocked in his drawers.

He's strikingly loyal, never even looking twice at someone else, given how he can only see himself being with you. Silco's always thinking of you, which shows not only in the way he brings you small gifts and trinkets — not unlike a crow — whenever he has to traverse the Undercity, but also through him wanting to keep your relationship a secret. It's most likely a sensitive topic, because he doesn't want you to think he's ashamed of you, never, but he's an influential man, and he just cannot stand the idea of someone harming you because of your connection to him. He's terrified of losing you.

VANDER is caring by nature, it shows in the way he protects his children and friends, his loved ones, his people. Still, with you, it's all the more obvious. Whenever you make your way to the bar, spending nights and early mornings at The Last Drop, he has your favourite drink already poured for you, including any modifications and snacks you like. In his mind, there's a whole section of facts about you, including your favourite positions to sleep in, your most beloved outfits, and the food you always ask for at the street vendor the two of you usually visit, and he couldn't stop himself from constantly gaining more information about what you like and dislike if he tried.

He's fond of physical affection, both strong arms wrapped around your waist when the two of you are sleeping, or the large of his hand splayed out on your lower back when he's guiding you through the crowds gathering in the bar. Not only does he simply enjoy touching you, the person he loves so very close to him, but he also wants to know you're safe at all times — if any stranger approaches you, setting you on edge, he's right there by your side. At night, he might cling to you a bit more tightly than usual when he's had bad thoughts of losing you the day long.

SEVIKA is entirely smitten by you. It's obvious enough that some of her colleagues comment on it, laughing and jeering at the heart-eyes she gives you whenever you walk by, gaze lingering for way too long, roaming over the curves of your hip and the way your hair moves in the wind. She's not bothered by anyone poking fun at her; yeah, she's heads over heels for you. So what?

She also really enjoys listening to you talk. After a hard day of work, there's nothing more relaxing to her than simply focusing on you, on your voice, on the peculiar way you pronounce certain words, and when she rests her head in your lap, your fingers gently threading through her hair, she just wants you to ramble about whatever comes to your mind.

Compared to Vander, her protection of you is mostly verbal — though that does not mean she wouldn't punch a guy until he's coughing blood if he looked at you the wrong way. Still, she's influential, imposing enough with just a raised eyebrow and a warning word for almost anyone to turn, tail between their legs, when they're staring at you for even a moment too long.

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[azrielbrainrot]

In the Face of Your Love

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Description: A love confession wasn't in Azriel's plans for the day.

Warnings: a tiny bit of angst

Word Count: 1,3k

Notes: In the face of writer's block I bring you another quick little story (that actually took me entirely too long to write). Hope you enjoy!

No matter how hard he tried Azriel couldn't remember the last time he had been in this situation. That's not to say he had never been confessed to before of course, that was far from the truth, but he didn't quite remember what to do in such a situation.

It didn't help that you were his friend, and because of it, someone he hadn't ever considered as anything more. If it were anyone else, he would probably be searching for the words to let them down as gently as possible, but looking into your expectant eyes, he can't help but wonder why exactly he had never thought about it before.

You were exceedingly beautiful and kind, remarkably intelligent and hard-working. You took care of your friends and helped them to the best of your abilities, always offering them a shoulder to cry on. Even though you weren't a fighter, Azriel was time and time again reminded of just how strong and fearless you were. You were perfect in his eyes, one of the best people he had ever gotten the pleasure of meeting in his centuries of life. He knew all of this as your friend, so how come he never looked deeper into the connection you shared?

Azriel knew it was partly, or mostly really, because of his lack of luck when it came to such things. Spending centuries in love with the same person, out of habit more than anything, pushing away everyone that threatened to make him feel anything of consequence gave him a long list of detachment issues unsurprisingly, and when he thought he could have something special with the middle Archeron sister after finally moving on from Mor only for it to blow up in his face before it even started, he was forced to take a good look at himself and his actions, and upon realizing that he was in no way ready for a relationship even though he felt desperate for it, Azriel came to conclusion that it was best to focus on his work and his friends, and leave such glittering dreams behind him.

That had been almost a decade ago, before he even met you. For the first time since then, he finds himself thinking of what it would be like to wake up next to someone, share his thoughts and dreams with that person, have someone to hold him through the hard times and take care of them in kind. For the first time in years, Azriel wonders if he could deserve someone's love after all.

His hesitation seems to start weighing on your excitement, pretty eyes moving to watch the ground as a heavy breath escapes you, not bearing the sight of his wide hazel eyes anymore. When you look up at him again a bitter smile is etched on your face, one that makes Azriel’s chest feel heavy and constricted.

“You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know, it felt like it was eating me alive keeping it to myself.” The humorless laugh you let out brings a furrow to his brows, but you keep going before he finds the right words. “I hope I'm not making things weird between us, nothing really has to change-”

“Wait,” Azriel finds himself calling out when he notices you taking a step back, away from him.

Unfortunately he stays quiet a second too long after and you end up taking yet another step back, your next words even more heartbreaking than before. “It's okay, Az. You really don't have to comfort me.”

“I don't want to comfort you.”

“Oh.”

He grabs onto your arm gently when you go to turn around, intent on walking to the door this time, cursing himself when he notices the wetness gathering in your eyelids.

“Please don't go,” he begs, staring into your eyes, hoping his will show you a glimpse at all the emotions swirling around in his heart, maybe you could make better sense of them than him. “I'm not good with words and I'm even worse with my feelings, but I can try to explain myself if you just give me a moment. Please.”

“Alright.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, your body letting go of most of the tension as you watch him. He drops his hold on you and offers you a small, grateful smile.

“You caught me off guard, I never noticed your feelings for me weren't entirely platonic,” he starts carefully, eyes flickering down towards your hand, wondering for a moment if holding it in his would be too much, too unfair to you.

“Some Spymaster,” you tease him back, a breathy chuckle escaping him and releasing the tension from his body, his hand reaching down to hold yours.

“I gave up on love a long time ago, long before I met you. Things have never worked out for me, partly for my own faults, making me think I just wasn't meant for these things.” The frown that settles over your face makes his heart skip a beat. Cute, it was cute, adorable even. Gods, how had he been so blind? “So, you see, I never stopped to wonder if we could have a relationship beyond our friendship even though I cherish your presence in my life immensely.”

“And now?”

“Now I'm thinking back on all our time spent together, the times we laughed and cried together, the times you cared for me and I cared for you.” This time he's the one to move, except he's taking a step closer to you, the distance feeling too big now. “I'm wondering what it would be like to come home to you every day, to hold you in my arms at night, to take you to every restaurant and bakery shop you talked about, to hold your hand in mine whenever I want.” Azriel squeezes your hand softly, your smile widening at the gesture. His other hand reaches for your cheek, cupping it delicately before continuing in a hushed tone, “Now I'm thinking I really want to know what your lips taste like.”

“Az,” you breathe out, eyes falling on his lips. He leans down and pecks your cheek softly, taking a step back to look into your eyes.

“If you still mean what you said…”

“Of course I do.” It's your turn to squeeze his hand, tugging on it to pull him back closer to you, he finds it extremely hard to resist you, but he wants to do things right.

“Then I want to invite you for dinner tonight,” he says, a weight he didn't realize was there before lifting off his chest when you nod immediately. “I think we should take things slow, for both of our sakes, and I don't want to promise you anything, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I want to try. I want to know what it's like to feel loved and give it back in kind.”

Your face lights up, smiling up at him with an intensity that threatens to blind him. Familiar dark thoughts start swirling in his mind, telling him how he would only snuff it out of you, but he does his best to tamper them down.

Azriel knew he loved you, that much was never up for discussion, and when comparing the love he had for you to the love he held for his brothers or the rest of his family, he can only feel disbelief that he had never questioned it. He would never do anything to hurt you, he would give his life for you without question, and was ready to face his fears and faults head-on if it would make him worthy of being by your side.

“It's a date then?”

He smiles even wider, his face hurting with the unfamiliarity of it, bringing your interlocked hands up to his face and dropping a kiss on the back of your hand, heart fluttering in his chest.

“It's a date.”

[writerasss]

DARAKARAK and TROPES

In Vedic astrology, the Darakarak planet (the one with the lowest degree in your chart, excluding Rahu and Ketu) represents your spouse and the dynamics of your romantic relationships. Each Darakarak brings a unique "trope" or theme to how love and marriage play out. Here’s how different planets as Darakarak relate to popular romance tropes:

---

Sun as Darakarak: Enemies to Lovers

Traits: The Sun symbolizes ego, pride, leadership, and individuality. With Sun as your Darakarak, relationships often involve power dynamics, mutual respect, and growth through overcoming initial clashes.

Trope:

Your relationship may start with conflicts, competition, or a sense of rivalry (classic enemies-to-lovers energy). Over time, both individuals learn to admire each other’s strengths.

There’s often a journey of healing egos and finding harmony.

Examples: "You started as my rival, but now you’re the person I trust the most."

---

Mercury as Darakarak: Friends to Lovers

Traits: Mercury signifies communication, intellect, and playfulness. It fosters bonds built on mutual understanding, curiosity, and fun.

Trope:

The relationship may begin as a close friendship where trust and laughter dominate. Eventually, deeper feelings emerge as you both realize the connection goes beyond platonic.

Expect witty banter, inside jokes, and shared intellectual pursuits.

Examples: "I didn’t realize I was in love until I started missing your voice at the end of every conversation."

---

Venus as Darakarak: Fated Soulmates or Star-Crossed Lovers

Traits: Venus governs love, beauty, and romance, making this Darakarak deeply tied to themes of passion, devotion, and harmony.

Trope:

Love feels otherworldly or destined, often with a magnetic pull. There could be external obstacles (e.g., family, society) that test the bond, leading to the "star-crossed lovers" vibe.

The connection is filled with luxury, art, and sensuality, emphasizing romance and emotional fulfillment.

Examples: "We were always meant to find each other, no matter how impossible it seemed."

---

Moon as Darakarak: Comfort and Healing Love

Traits: The Moon represents emotions, nurturing, and intuition. With Moon as your Darakarak, relationships are about emotional safety and mutual care.

Trope:

A "healing love" that feels like home. You may meet during a vulnerable phase, helping each other grow emotionally and find solace in the connection.

It’s the ultimate "you complete me" dynamic.

Examples: "You’re the calm in my storm, and I’ll always come back to you."

---

Mars as Darakarak: Passionate Opposites or Love-Hate

Traits: Mars symbolizes energy, drive, and passion. Relationships often involve intensity, physical attraction, and a fiery dynamic.

Trope:

A fiery, love-hate connection. You might clash over strong opinions or desires, but the chemistry is undeniable. Passion fuels the relationship, whether through fights or love.

Examples: "We argue like fire and ice, but we burn brighter together."

---

Jupiter as Darakarak: Mentor-Protector Love

Traits: Jupiter is about wisdom, expansion, and guidance. Relationships are built on mutual respect, shared values, and growth.

Trope:

A nurturing relationship where one partner often plays the role of a mentor, guide, or protector. Love grows through shared goals, learning, and emotional maturity.

Examples: "You inspire me to be a better version of myself every day."

----

Saturn as Darakarak: Slow Burn or Second Chances

Traits: Saturn represents discipline, patience, and karma. It brings lessons and maturity in love, often through delays or challenges.

Trope:

The relationship is a slow burn, taking time to develop trust and understanding. There might be obstacles, separations, or second chances involved, but the connection grows stronger with time.

Saturn��s karmic influence may make the relationship feel fated, with lessons to be learned together.

Examples: "It took time for us to find each other, but now I can’t imagine life without you."

---

Rahu as Darakarak: Forbidden Love or Obsession

Traits: Rahu symbolizes unconventionality, obsession, and breaking norms. Relationships are intense, transformative, and often nontraditional.

Trope:

A "forbidden love" or "taboo" connection, where societal norms or personal fears are challenged. The relationship often pushes boundaries and teaches transformative lessons.

Examples: "You’re the one thing I was told to avoid, but I can’t stay away."

[mattscoquette]

𝑨 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬 𝑶𝑭 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻 | 𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑶𝑳𝑶

𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉.. you slowly notice your boyfriend is falling out of love with you

angst !! cursing, mentions of weed, smoking, arguing, glass breaking, kinda toxic!matt, breaking up

2.3k words

are we awake? am i too old to be this stoned?

the small sliver of sunlight that peered through your curtain danced across your face, causing you to stir awake slowly. a hand reached out, only to find the other side of the mattress cold. typical.

it wasn’t long before the strong reek of matt’s weed filled your apartment, a soft sigh escaping your lips as you peered at the clock next to you, the numbers 6:37 a.m. staring back at you.

slowly, you made your way out of bed and out to the balcony, where matt resided, still clad in his pajamas. a rolled joint was held between his pointer and thumb, dark smoke swirling around him.

“are you seriously high already?” you mumbled, sleep still coaxing your voice as you wrapped your arms around your middle as a means to stay warm.

matt simply looked back at you, his usual blue eyes red and bleary. he gave you a small shrug before holding the joint to his lips, inhaling deeply.

“i guess so.”

for goodness sake, i wasn't told you'd be this cold.

it wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to question if matt still loved you. you’d been together for a year and a half now, and it felt as though he’d only loved you for the first year.

it started small. little remarks you would tend to just brush off.

“you should wear this, it looks better on you.”

“why are you always in a bad mood whenever i’m around?”

but they never bothered you much. matt loved you. and you loved him. that was the way it always was, and you never seemed to think any different.

and matt was so sweet in the beginning. flowers were delivered to your door every week, along with a handwritten letter from him. your meals were always paid for, and you were almost certain you hadn’t touched a door handle for nearly half of the relationship. now, things couldn’t be more different.

when matt started being mean, you never questioned if he still loved you. he was probably having a bad day, or something heavy was weighing on him he just didn’t feel like talking about. it was never a question if he loved you or not.

but lately, you weren’t so sure anymore. it was rare for matt to be kind. he was also so angry and upset, and you couldn’t just seem to understand why. he acted like you were just an afterthought in his mind, a footnote in the story of his life. like you weren’t his girlfriend, like you weren’t his everything, like he always promised you.

you smashed a glass into pieces

that's around the time i left.

you lost count of how many argument you and matt had this week. there was always something. nothing could ever be okay with you both.

it was beginning to feel like matt wasn’t fighting for you relationship anymore. yet here you were, fighting tooth and nail, just for things to be even a little bit like how they used to be. it was an uphill battle, and you were losing.

you were angrily clearing off the table, not caring if neither you nor matt were done eating dinner. you weren’t even sure what this argument was about. something along the lines of matt bending over backwards for you, when you reciprocate nothing in return. although that couldn’t be further from the truth, you tried to listen. you tried to piece together what exactly it was that you did that made your relationship crumble.

“i just don’t get it y/n,” matt retorted as he stood up abruptly, bringing his dishes to the sink and dropping them in with a loud clank, “why is it that i’m doing everything for you, but the second i need something, it’s a big issue?”

you glared at him from you spot by the table, tears threatening to well up in your eyes. you didn’t want to argue anymore. you just wanted your boyfriend back.

he just scoffed as he turned back around, clearly not impressed with your lack of an answer. matt began to scrub the dishes bitterly, almost as if the plate had done something wrong and he was mad at it, as opposed to you.

“i do so much for you, matt.” you mumbled, keeping your head low as you wiped off the table. no matter how much you two argued, you never wanted him to see you cry. “i feel like sometimes you’re the one who can’t be pleased.”

that set him off.

“are you serious-” he began, throwing the plate down in the sink angrily as he turned around to look at you. the glass shattered, the sound piercing through the kitchen as you two fell silent.

it was an accident, you knew it, but it didn’t stop you from crying more.

you turned to face matt, your eyes red and cheeks blotchy as tears streamed down them. before he could get a word out, you were already announcing that you were going back home.

you said i'm full of diseases

your eyes were full of regret.

it had been a week and a half since matt broke the plate, and things hadn’t gotten any better. if anything, that was the first crack in the glass. matt seemed to be picking an argument all day, looking for anything to make a comment on. no matter what you did, you just couldn’t make him happy.

“can you stop hogging the damn blanket?” matt murmured as he sat next to you on the couch, his arms crossed. he tugged the fabric from your lap to his, shuffling even further away than he was before, his focus returning to the movie playing on the tv.

you looked at his side profile, his demeanor so cold and off putting. where you both used to be cuddled up together under one blanket when watching a movie, now you couldn’t so much as sit too close to him without starting something.

“sorry.” you mumbled faintly. that was starting to become a repeat word in your vocabulary. sorry. you had decided instead of arguing back, you could just be sorry. if matt felt like he was always right, he was sure to love you again the way he used to. how couldn’t he be?

“god, you’re just so annoying sometimes.” he muttered, fixing the blanket once more as his eyes bore holes through you. he watched the way your face fell, a knot twisting in his stomach.

how could he say something so mean to girl he loved so much?

in return, you sighed quietly and shakily, returning your eyes to the tv screen. you’d rather have matt be angry at you everyday than not have him at all.

you used to have a face straight out of a magazine

now you just look like anyone.

for a change, matt suggested you two go out. it was a breath of fresh air for you both. there was almost an unspoken agreement that you two couldn’t be fighting if you were in public. you could each play the part of the happy couple you once were.

you made every effort to look your best. your hair and makeup were done, your outfit perfectly put together after countless hours spent curating it. you took a step back from the mirror, smiling at your reflection. you felt really, really pretty. a small sense of optimism lingered in the air as you made your way down to matt’s car when he said he was at your apartment. he couldn’t possibly ignore you, not when you looked like this.

a small smile played on your glossed lips as you climbed into the car, your floral perfume strong. he offered the faintest of smiles, followed with a small kiss hello. to most girls, they’d be upset if their boyfriend reacted how matt did. they’d want him to compliment them, ruin their makeup. but to you, it was a start. you can’t remember the last time he made you feel how he just did.

the ride to the mall was peaceful. it was filled with small talk, the radio playing softly in the background. the day was just getting started, but you felt hopeful. you felt like today would be a really good day for you and matt, and your relationship was in desperate need of one.

and it was great. it felt almost like what you called “the good times,” the part of your relationship where matt actually felt like your boyfriend. when he actually acted like your boyfriend. he held your hand the entire time you walked through the mall, and carried every single bag for you. at the cash registers, his wallet was out before the total was even displayed on the card reader. the day was almost perfect. almost. the only thing missing was the compliments you craved from matt so badly.

in the good times, it seemed as if every other sentence coming from matt was a compliment. he loved to tell you how much he loved you. at one point, you had even wondered if matt remembered your actual name, because he was always calling you his pretty girl. his.

but today, that seemed to be the only thing lacking. instead, matt’s gaze seemed very preoccupied with the other girls in the mall. his eyes lingered at all of their bodies, the way they would show a little cleavage or expose their midriff. it didn’t take you long to realize the only reason matt was being so kind today was because he could distract himself with other girls who weren’t you.

i just sat in self-pity and cried in the car.

although you and matt had been having problems for as long as you had, you didn’t dare tell anyone. because when you were around friends, you and matt were good at pretending. nobody dared to question your relationship, because there was nothing to question. he seemed to love you the way he always had. it was only behind closed doors when you had problems.

but even though you accepted this was your relationship now, you couldn’t help but remember the good times. it would just hit you out of nowhere, the longing for something that didn’t exist anymore. something that could never be as it was. it was a crushing feeling, really, and the only thing you could do was let it consume you. it would eat at you for days, taking away your appetite and replacing it with a sinking feeling inside of you.

you often found yourself looking back at old pictures and videos, notes from matt and dead flower petals you saved. if you closed your eyes and focused hard enough, sometimes you could still feel the way you used to. you’d be lost in your thoughts, living in a deluded world where you and matt were still happy. one where he had eyes for only you, and made you feel like the most special person in the universe. you could still remember how tight he would hold you every night, how he’d look at you like you hung every star in the sky.

then, the reality would dawn on you that it wasn’t like that anymore. you were mourning a relationship that wasn’t even dead yet.

you played a part, this is how it starts.

as the days, weeks, months passed, you felt more and more detached from your relationship. you were waking up everyday next to someone you couldn’t recognize anymore. the spark you two shared was now put out, embers on the ground dying. he wasn’t the matt you fell in love with anymore.

you had stopped trying. maybe if matt noticed you were slowly fading away, he’d do something. but he didn’t. he never did. the two of you had no energy for anything anymore, your relationship on it’s last limbs.

oh, i just had a change of heart.

matt’s couch was something you’d grown accustom to over the last two years. it was your saving grace when he would push you to the point of no return, when you couldn’t even lay next to him to sleep. as the ceiling stared back at you, you heard small creaks in the floorboard as matt creeped into the living room. he looked a mess, his hair tousled in all different directions, the dark spots under his eyes more prominent than ever.

“can i lay with you?” his voice whispered in the darkness as he stood above you. he clambered in beneath the blankets when you gave a small nod, exhaustion falling over you fast.

he rustled around a bit, finally finding a comfortable position facing you. he studied your face, taking in every detail.

“it’s not working out anymore, is it?” he asked, his voice quiet.

you looked back at him. you watched the way his chest rose and fell, the way his chapped lips parted and breathing hitched.

“it’s not.”

you both remained quiet, as if you were soaking in the last moments of your relationship. the same way you try to remember everything about your hotel room when you’re leaving vacation, committing every last minute thing to memory.

you stared back at matt, waiting for him to speak. he opened his mouth to speak, closing it when no words came out. he tried again.

“are we done then?”

you inhaled shakily, your eyes fluttering shut. you nodded, feeling the weight of the world come crashing down on you. two years of your life, over like that. before you could even think about getting up, matt’s voice broke you from your thoughts.

“can…can you just stay with me one more night?” he asked. “i don’t want it to be over just yet.”

you peeled your eyes open, being met with matt’s sad ones. you nodded your head yes, feeling him instantly wrap his arms around your middle, pulling you into his chest. just like how he used to. his head rested atop yours, the rhythmic sound of each other’s breathing lulling you both to sleep.

you would both deal with it tomorrow. you would feel the unbearable feeling of heartbreak in the morning. but for now, you could still both be with one another the way you used to. just one last time.

© mattscoquette | taglist

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬. ⋆˚꩜｡ i know i was yapping sm ab needing a break but i wrote this in one sitting yesterday…. also a fanfic to the 1975 is sooo tumblr. pls lmk ur thoughts bc this is very different from what id normally write:) and thank u for 5.1k ! i love u all

[greengoblinswifey]

Being in your first age gap relationship with Hwang In-ho

You had always found yourself drawn to older men, captivated by their wisdom and experience. There was something undeniably attractive about their confidence and maturity.

You loved how they brought a sense of stability and adventure into your life, making every moment together feel rich and fulfilling. So, it was no wonder you were drawn to Hwang In-ho.

Though, the relationship was—reluctant at first. In-ho was over two decades older than you. You’d been informed about all the horror stories involving age gap relationships but through his actions, you learnt he was nothing like those men.

You loved the relationship you had with In-ho. While you were still figuring out your path, he had already walked a long journey, and that experience fascinated you. You enjoyed how he viewed the world differently, offering insights that challenged your perspective.

The age difference only seemed to enhance your connection; it allowed you to learn from him while also bringing a youthful energy into his life. You cherished how he appreciated your spontaneity, and together, you created a beautiful balance that made your relationship feel unique and special.

In-ho kept you away from the Squid Game. All you knew was that he ran a successful business and it accumulated him more than enough money to spoil you. Luxury trips, vehicles, expensive jewelry perfumes, you name it and it was yours. He was generous with his money and you lacked nothing.

The goal wasn’t to use In-ho per se, but you were going to get as much out of the relationship as you possibly could.

In-ho wasn’t just generous with his money, he was generous with his time. He’d drop whatever plans he had to spend quality time with you. Whether it be expensive dinner dates, operas, yacht dates or just a regular night with him—he didn’t care. As long as he had you in his arms.

The flirting between you and him was magnetic. He had a way of teasing you that made your heart race. One evening, as you both had dinner, he leaned in and said, “You know, I didn’t think someone your age could keep up with me.”

“Oh, I can keep up just fine. You might be the one struggling to keep up with me especially in bedroom,” you teased.

His charming smile grew wider, and he shot back, “Is that a challenge? And sweetheart you know I put in the work. Who else can have you screaming like I do?”

You felt a thrill at the playful banter, loving how he could make you feel special. His subtle gestures, like a lingering gaze or his touch, sent shivers down your spine. No one could make your core throb or you knees weak like him.

In-ho wasn’t a selfish lover either. Compared to the men your age, he knew what he was doing and he made you cum more than they ever could.

Usually, you’d never jump straight into fucking. His hands would be all over you, memorizing you as if you were braille. His tongue knew your taste, relishing in it and his lips had been on every single part of you. He knew just how to have you riled up and begging for his cock.

One night, after arriving home from a date, he spent more than an hour edging and teasing you. That was another thing about older men—they were so much kinkier than their younger counterparts.

With your consent, In-ho would have your hands bound and eat your pussy until you were shaking and crying. You never knew pleasure could become too much until you met him.

He was skilled with his tongue and just as good with his fingers, coaxing the sweetest sounds from you.

And when it came to his dick? He knew exactly how to use it.

He whispered praises in your ear as he slipped inside you, always giving you a minute to adjust and peppering kisses all over your face.

“You’re so beautiful, sweetheart.”

“You take me so well.”

“You’re such a good girl, my good girl.”

And when he’d start to move, he hit all the right spots inside you. His thrusts were always deep, he fucked you like he was trying to prove a point. And he was—no other man could make you feel as good as him.

He wouldn’t stop fucking you until he got at least three orgasms out of you, and that excluded foreplay. When you felt too fucked out to give him another, all he had to do was whisper in your ear.

“Don’t you want to be a good girl for me? Make me proud and cum for me one more time, angel.”

That always did it for you.

In the end, he’d always leave you utterly spent and an incoherent mess. He knew exactly how to satisfy you.

Your pleasure was his responsibility and so was every other aspect of your life. Who would have a beautiful young woman on their arm and not put her on a pedestal? In-ho practically worshiped the ground you walked on. As long as you were happy, he was. And that’s what made the years between you seem so much smaller.

[player042]

A DEBT TO THE HEART | kang dae-ho

pairing: kang dae-ho (player 388) x reader

summary: you thought you'd left dae-ho behind for his own good, but fate has a cruel way of bringing the past back to life; now, in the deadly arena of the games, avoiding him is no longer an option, even as old feelings threaten to overwhelm you.

warning: hurt/comfort, some tears here and there, a bit angsty, established relationship and breakup mentioned, loving someone so much it hurts, other players mentioned, also mention of bloody and deadly squid game themes, lovers to strangers to lovers again? please enjoy ♥️

word count: 5k (oopsi, but you'll love it, promise <3)

You loved Dae-ho. You loved him with a depth that words could scarcely capture, and he, in turn, made sure you could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, and feel it in every touch just how deeply he loved you. But sometimes, even love was not enough, for love could not fill an empty stomach or silence the relentless ticking of overdue clocks. With each passing day, the small apartment you shared with Dae-ho felt colder and emptier, despite him always being there. The weight of your mutual debts loomed over every conversation, every glance, every touch.

You noticed how he'd come home later and later, his shoulders hunched as if the world rested entirely on them. He stopped smiling as much, and when he did, it didn't reach his eyes. You were no better. Your sleepless nights had you pacing, worrying over bills, debt collectors, and the way his kind heart made him try to fix everything for you, even at his own expense. You made the decision after a particularly brutal encounter with a debt collector. They'd come to your apartment, banging on the door, shouting threats. Dae-ho had stood between you and the door, his body rigid with tension as he told them to leave. That night, as he slept fitfully beside you, you stared at the ceiling, your heart breaking. You couldn't let him do this anymore, couldn't let him sacrifice himself for you, he deserved better.

That's why you found yourself remembering those exact thoughts while you were having dinner late at night. The small kitchen felt stifling, the hum of the fridge and the faint ticking of the wall clock amplifying the silence. You'd spent days rehearsing this moment, but now, as Dae-ho sat across from you, his familiar features etched with exhaustion and quiet hope, the words felt impossible.

But you had to say them. You had to let him go.

"We need to talk," your voice was firmer than you felt. Your heart raced, but your face remained a mask of composure.

He looked up from his bowl of rice, chopsticks hovered mid-air, his brows furrowing. "What's wrong?"

"I think..." You paused, the words catching in your throat. "I think we need to end this."

The chopsticks clattered onto the table, the sound startling in the quiet room. He stared at you, disbelief etched into every line of his face. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying this isn't working anymore," you said, gripping the edge of the table so hard your knuckles turned white. "We're holding each other back, Dae-ho. I can't do this anymore."

His eyes darkened, his voice low and trembling, "Holding each other back? Is that what you think this is? After everything we've been through?"

"You're drowning because of me," your voice cracking. Tears blurred your vision, but you didn't let them fall. "I can't let you destroy yourself trying to fix things for me."

"You think this is about you?" he asked, his tone rising. "You think my problems magically go away if you're not here? That's not true, and you know it. Don't do this. Don't push me away."

You couldn't meet his gaze, your fingers trembling as they dug into the table. "I'm doing this for you," you whispered, barely audible.

"No," his chair scraped loudly against the floor as he stood abruptly, his voice breaking, "You're doing this to me."

Frustrated, you stood up too, "I've watched you work yourself to death for me," your voice rising to meet his, "Every time something goes wrong, you're there, trying to fix it, trying to shoulder everything! I can't let you do that anymore!"

"You think I care about that?" he shouted, his hands slamming onto the table. His voice cracked as he added, "I want to carry it! I'd do anything for you, because you're- you're everything to me!"

Your chest tightened, his words hitting like a punch to the gut. "And what about you? What happens when you break under the weight of it all? Then what? I can't stand the thought of being the reason you-"

"You're not the reason for anything!" he yelled, his voice raw. "The debt, the stress, it's all mine. Don't you dare blame yourself for this."

"But it's not just yours anymore!" you shouted, tears finally streaming down your face. "It became mine the moment we decided to do this together. And that's why I have to leave. Because I'm holding you back, and you're holding me back, and we'll destroy each other if this keeps going!"

He stepped back as if you'd struck him, his hands falling limply to his sides. His voice, once so loud, now came out as a whisper. "You don't mean that."

"I do," you lied, your heart breaking with every word. "I don't see a future for us anymore, Dae-ho."

The silence that followed was deafening, the weight of your words sinking into the space between you. His jaw clenched, his eyes glistening as he struggled to keep his composure.

"If this is what you want," he said finally, his voice shaking, "then fine. But don't pretend this is for me. This is your choice. Own it."

You turned away, biting your lip to keep from sobbing. "I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

And with that, you just left in the middle of the night, bags already prepared beforehand, your heart shattering with every step. The sound of the door closing behind you was louder than it should have been, echoing in your chest like the final nail in a coffin.

Alone in the now-silent kitchen, Dae-ho sank into his chair, his hands trembling as they gripped the edge of the table. He stared at your empty seat, the half-eaten bowl of rice in front of him a stark reminder of your presence just minutes ago.

The tears he'd held back began to fall, silent and unrelenting, as he whispered into the empty room, "You're wrong. You're not holding me back... you're everything I need."

Years passed, three, to be exact, and you hadn't heard from Dae-ho since the day you parted ways. Sometimes, especially in those first months after the breakup, you found yourself longing for him with an intensity that felt unbearable. So many times, you wanted to call him, just to hear his voice, to tell him about your day, to ask how work had been, or even something as simple as what he wanted for dinner. Too often, you'd thought about taking a detour just to walk past his neighborhood, unannounced, clinging to the faint hope of catching a fleeting glimpse of him. But you knew it was for the best, his best. 

People always said time heals all wounds, but that wasn't true. Time doesn't heal anything, it doesn't mend, it doesn't fix. All time does is teach you how to live with the weight of what's broken. And despite the years that had passed, you still yearned for him in the quiet moments, still missed him like a phantom ache. You'd come to accept the sheer vastness of Seoul, its endless streets and countless faces, and resigned yourself to the thought that you'd probably never cross paths with Dae-ho again, not by chance, not by fate, not ever.

That's why you were utterly stunned when you found yourself standing in the expansive arena looking straight at him, surrounded by strangers in identical green tracksuits in the midst of a nightmare. The doll's haunting song, the sound of gunfire, and the smell of blood filling the air, it was pure chaos. Some of them were already lying lifeless on the ground, their blood pooling beneath them. Your heart pounded violently in your chest, fear coursing through your veins as you tried to process what you'd gotten yourself into. And even more importantly—

He was here.

Dae-ho stood to your right, a few feet diagonally in front of you. His broad shoulders were tense, his stance alert as his eyes scanned the room with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. His hair was slightly longer now, tied in a half-up, half-down style, and his face carried a weariness that hadn't been there before, a hard edge born of time and struggle. But there was no mistaking him. It was him. Dae-ho.

During the whole cursed red light, green light game, you couldn't stop glancing at him. He was strong and steady, helping a few others stay calm and focused as the horror doll's eerie song echoed through the air. Among the chaos and panic, Player 456 stood out. His voice rang out over the trembling murmurs of the other players, guiding them on when to move and when to freeze.

You barely survived, your legs trembling as you crossed the finish line. Relief washed over you, not just from the sheer fact that you were still alive, but also because 456's instructions had kind of anchored you when panic threatened to take over. And even then, your eyes sought him out. Dae-ho. Relief flooded you again when you saw he'd made it too, his chest heaving, his gaze scanning the crowd as if looking for someone. As if looking for you. 

You were certain, however, that he hadn't seen you, and you made sure it stayed that way for as long as possible. 

It surprised you later when he pressed O during the voting. Your chest tightened. Because after witnessing the pure horror of the first game, you had immediately pressed X to quit and leave this place. The idea of staying in a place like this was unthinkable. That's why you had assumed Dae-ho would have done the same.

Why would he want to stay? Did he care so little about his life now?

And the worst part? With just one single vote tipping the majority, the games continued.

You made yourself invisible. First, to keep all the unpleasant people at bay, and second, because you simply weren't ready to face him. For now, you stuck close to an older woman and her son, Player 149 and Player 007. At the same time, you watched Dae-ho from a distance as he spoke with Player 456, the former winner of the games, as you had just learned. You owed him your second reprieve, too, his speech during the voting had drawn all the attention to himself. Dae-ho spent his time with him, as well as with Player 001 and Player 390. It seemed he had already found his group.

Watching him from afar, you couldn't help but notice how he still carried that same kindness, that same strength that had made you fall in love with him. But the game of hide-and-seek came to an end the next day when the second game forced you to split into groups. Before you even realized it, your group was already at the front of the line. You were all bound together, each of you tasked with completing a series of mini-games and needing to cross the finish line within five minutes. Otherwise, you would be mercilessly shot in front of the other players, as had happened with the group before yours.

Just seconds earlier, you had been watching Dae-ho as he practiced his Gonggi part, stretching his wrist. Despite the grotesque circumstances, it brought a fleeting smile to your face. For a brief moment, you saw the carefree, boyish Dae-ho you used to know. The one who tirelessly worked with his group, lifting their spirits and even helping a young woman with the number 222 (according to Geum-ja, she was pregnant, and you could see it). It somehow hurt to see him like this, still trying to be a savior even when he had nothing left to give.

When his eyes finally found yours, he froze. For a moment, the noise and chaos around you faded, and it was just the two of you, staring at each other across the room as the guards bound your leg to that of your teammate.

By some miracle, your team won the second game. If that wasn't a sign from the heavens, you didn't know what else could be. You had been the clear underdogs from the start. Even while preparing, you'd overheard some of the men muttering amongst themselves, convinced your team was doomed. "They'll definitely bite the dust," one of them had sneered.

But when the red tape of the finish line snapped, the room erupted into cheers. Not because they liked you so much, but because they thought, If they can survive this, we'll surely survive as well. It was obvious they'd written your group off; a fragile old woman, her aimless son, a timid girl who barely spoke, a trans player still finding her footing, and you. Yet somehow, against all odds, you had crossed that finish line together.

Your heart raced as your eyes instinctively searched for Dae-ho. Across the room, he stood among his team, his gaze locked on you. For a moment, it looked like he was about to rush toward you, arms open, ready to pull you into a celebratory embrace. Your chest tightened, and you quickly turned back to your team, reminding yourself to keep your distance.

You threw yourself into the moment instead, hugging your teammates as the guards ushered you five out of the room.

Back in the dormitory, time stretched unbearably. With every passing minute, your nerves grew more frayed. Dae-ho hadn't returned.

At first, you rationalized it. The early groups were expected to be back sooner. But as the tenth, eleventh, twentieth, and even fortieth group arrived without him, dread started to creep in. What if he hadn't made it? What if someone in his group had messed up? What if, God forbid, his body was already being wheeled away, zipped into one of those cold black coffins with a mocking pink bow?

The thought sent a shudder through you, and you shook your head, forcing it away. You couldn't let yourself go there. Not yet.

Just as you felt the edges of panic begin to take hold, the doors finally opened one last time. There he was, walking in with the final group, his face glowing with triumph. That familiar grin spread across his face, and he looked as though the weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

A breath you hadn't realized you were holding escaped in a rush, leaving you lightheaded with relief. For a moment, everything else faded, your fear, your doubts, the shadows of this hellish game. All that mattered was that he was safe, still standing, still him.

Of course, the games continued the next day. This time, the vote wasn't even close, over a dozen more people chose to keep playing. You were doomed to continue these death games. And yet, a small part of you was relieved to see an X on Dae-ho's chest. That didn't mean you stopped avoiding him, oh no, you were still committed to that strategy. Every time you felt he might be getting close, you darted in the opposite direction, struck up a quick conversation with someone nearby, rushed toward the bathroom, or climbed into your top bunk and pulled the blanket over yourself, determined to make it clear he shouldn't approach you. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't shake the way your chest ached every time you saw him.

Was it childish? Most definitely. Was it foolish? Probably. Did it accomplish anything? You didn't even know. All you knew was that you weren't ready to face him, not yet. You weren't ready to confront the flood of emotions, the pain, and the memories that his presence would bring. What good would it do to talk to him now?

And so, the third game arrived. You prayed silently that it would finally be the last.

The circular room you stood in was overwhelming. The massive, spinning platform in the center loomed ominously, while the 50 numbered rooms along the walls felt impossibly distant. The air was thick with tension, players murmuring nervously as the female voice explained the rules.

Your heart pounded as you stepped onto the platform, your eyes scanning the crowd instinctively, and landing on him. Dae-ho was standing on the opposite end, his arms crossed as he took in the rules. His jaw was set, his expression unreadable, but you knew him well enough to sense the tension radiating from him.

You tore your eyes away, trying to focus. Stay sharp. Survive.

The platform began to spin, a hauntingly cheerful tune playing as you stood rigidly in place. When it stopped, the display above flashed a number: 10.

Panic erupted as players scrambled to form groups. You grabbed Hyun-ju, Geum-ja, Yong-sik, and Young-mi, holding onto them tightly as the timer began ticking down, and you only vaguely noticed as your group joined another group of five. Together, you pushed your way into a room, barely making it inside before the doors sealed shut.

Breathing heavily, you looked up only to see that across the room, Dae-ho stood with his group. 456, 390, 001, 222. No way. Dae-ho's eyes locked onto yours almost instantly, the proximity between you both the closest it had been in years.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, stepping toward you. His voice carried that familiar warmth, even undercut by tension. 

The words froze you for a moment. You hadn't expected him to speak to you directly, and certainly not with such concern. "I'm fine," you managed, your voice steady even as your hands tightened into fists at your sides. "We made it."

Before he could say more, Hyun-ju intervened, and you inwardly thanked her for that. "We're all fine," she said sharply, though not unkindly. Her eyes flicked between you and Dae-ho, clearly assessing the unspoken tension. "Let's focus on staying that way."

The room settled into an uneasy silence as the timer reset. You kept your distance, stealing occasional glances at Dae-ho as he conferred not only with his group, but also with your group. He still had that same steady energy, guiding Player 222 to sit down on the ground with a reassuring tone and helpful hand. It sent a pang through you, a strange mix of admiration, longing, jealousy, and bitterness.

Once the doors opened, you couldn't wait to leave it as soon as possible and be back on the platform. You exhaled, ignoring the bloodbath on the ground and waiting for the next round to begin.

"Still avoiding me, huh?" Dae-ho's low voice came from behind you, startling you slightly. You turned your head just enough to see him standing there, his gaze unreadable.

"I'm not avoiding you," you lied, crossing your arms defensively. "There are just... a lot of people here."

"Right," he said, his tone carrying the faintest trace of sarcasm. He stepped closer, lowering his voice even further to avoid drawing attention. "You didn't even look at me back in there. I'm not stupid."

You glanced quickly toward the others slowly and exhaustedly taking their places on the platform. No one was paying attention to you.

"What do you want, Dae-ho?" you asked quietly, keeping your voice even.

"I just want to know how you're doing," he said, his tone softening. "You're here, in this mess, and... it's not like I don't care."

The sincerity in his voice made your stomach twist. You turned fully to face him, your arms still crossed. "Why does it matter? You should focus on your group. They need you."

He studied you for a moment, his expression still unreadable. "And you don't?"

"I didn't say that," you said quickly, then shook your head, frustrated at yourself for engaging. "I'm fine, Dae-ho. I can take care of myself."

He exhaled softly, his eyes searching yours. "You don't have to."

The words hung between you, heavy and unspoken. For a moment, the room felt smaller, quieter. Just then, the platform beneath your feet began to rumble softly, the motion sudden and disorienting as it started to spin again. The unexpected movement threw you off balance, and you instinctively reached out, your hand brushing against his chest before you could steady yourself again. Dae-ho's hand moved as well out of reflex, hovering near you, but he hesitated, his fingers curling back before he touched you.

Everyone focused on regaining their footing, the air heavy with anticipation. No one spoke now. All eyes turned to the display above, waiting for the next number to be announced. The tension thickened, each second dragging as the platform continued to spin, the haunting melody playing once again.

Your pulse quickened, the unease growing. You stole one last glance at Dae-ho, but his attention was already on the display, his jaw set, his posture steady despite the shifting ground beneath him.

And then, the platform stopped, the number flashing ominously on the screen. 4.

Your heart sank as you realized you'd have to split off from your current group. Geum-ja and Yong-sik clung to each other immediately, and Hyun-ju put a protective hand on Young-mi's shoulder. Before anyone could ask what you'd do, you took a step back.

"I'll find another group," you said quickly, avoiding their gazes.

Hyun-ju frowned but nodded. "Be careful," she said, her tone laced with suspicion.

You didn't wait for anyone to say more, darting into the fray, hurrying to put as much distance between Dae-ho and yourself. You managed to gather three strangers, players who looked just desperate enough not to question you, as you secured a room in time. The door sealed shut behind you, and for a brief moment, you let out a shaky breath, pretending that the tightness in your chest wasn't from leaving him behind again.

By the final round, only 126 players remained. The platform spun for what felt like an eternity before stopping abruptly. The number on the display flashed: 2.

The room erupted into chaos. People sprinted, shoving and clawing at each other in desperation. You froze, your mind blank as you scanned the crowd. Panic blurred your thoughts, the timer ticking down far too fast.

Until you saw him.

Dae-ho was weaving through the throng of people, his movements sharp and precise. Before you could think twice, he turned, his eyes meeting yours. For a second, everything else faded, the noise, the chaos, the rising panic. It was just him, standing there, staring at you as though time had stopped.

But then he moved, closing the distance between you in two quick strides. Before you could react, his hand wrapped firmly around your wrist, and he pulled you toward the nearest room.

"Come on!" he barked, his tone urgent but unyielding.

The two of you ran, weaving through the crowd as the timer ticked dangerously close to zero. You barely registered the other players anymore, your entire focus on the warmth of his hand and the steady pull of his grip.

The door slammed shut behind you just as the timer hit zero. You collapsed against the wall, your chest heaving as you struggled to catch your breath. Dae-ho stood across from you, his gaze burning into yours as the silence stretched between you.

"We need to talk," he said finally, his voice low but firm.

You stared at him, your mind racing, unsure of whether to run again or finally face the storm you had spent so long avoiding.

The silence felt heavier than the air in the room, pressing down on your chest as if daring you to speak first. You remained frozen, your back against the cold wall, your mind racing with every reason to avoid this conversation. But Dae-ho didn't move. His gaze was unwavering, cutting through your defenses like a blade.

"You've been running from me since the moment I saw you," he said, his voice quiet but laced with frustration. "And I'm tired of pretending I don't notice."

You opened your mouth to argue, to deny it, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, you dropped your gaze, focusing on the floor beneath you, the slight tremor in your legs a reminder of just how close you'd come to death moments ago.

"You don't understand," you muttered finally, your voice barely audible.

"Then make me understand," he shot back, his tone sharper now. He stepped closer, the weight of his presence making it impossible to look anywhere else but at him. "You think I'm just going to ignore you? Pretend like you're not here? Like I don't-" He stopped himself, his jaw tightening as if he were physically restraining the words.

He sighed, his tone softening. "Seeing you here, in this place… Do you have any idea what that's been like for me?"

You swallowed hard, your chest tightening as his words sank in. "I didn't ask you to follow me here," you whispered, the words cutting even as you said them.

"I didn't follow you," he replied, the intensity in his voice making you flinch. "I didn't even know you were here until I saw you during that second game. And if I had-" He stopped again, running a hand through his hair. "If I had, I would've never pressed O. We would've walked out right then. Only one vote decided to quit or continue the games. My vote."

The rawness in his voice made your stomach twist. You forced yourself to look at him, and for the first time, you saw the exhaustion etched into his features, the weight he'd been carrying, the same weight you'd been trying to run from.

"Then why didn't you quit when you had the chance? Why do you blame me for your own vote?" you asked, your tone sharper than you intended.

"I don't blame you. It's just… if you weren't here, I'd have nothing to lose," he admitted, his voice dropping. "I thought if I won, I could fix what I broke. What we broke."

You blinked at him, your heart pounding. "You mean, what I broke."

"Stop saying that," he said, his voice rising slightly. "Stop taking the blame for something we both had a hand in. I made mistakes, too, and you leaving, it didn't fix anything. It just made it worse."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall. "You don't know what it was like," you said quietly. "Watching you work yourself to death, trying to fix everything for me. I couldn't stay and watch you destroy yourself."

"So you destroyed us instead?" he asked, the hurt evident in his voice.

The words hit like a punch to the gut, and you felt the tears you'd been holding back finally spill over. "It was the only way I could save you."

"Save me?" he repeated, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "You didn't save me. You just made me lose the only thing I cared about. And you know what's worse? I thought I deserved it. I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that I let you down."

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, all you could do was stare at him, your chest heaving as the weight of his pain settled over you like a suffocating blanket.

"I'm sorry," you whispered finally, your voice breaking. "I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing."

Dae-ho's expression softened, and he took another step closer, his voice quieter now. "The right thing would've been staying and letting me figure it out with you. That's all I ever wanted."

Tears welled in your eyes as you whispered, "I thought you hated me."

He kneeled in front of you, his hands trembling as they cupped your face. "I could never hate you. Not for a second. I loved you then, and I love you now."

The words broke something inside you, your tears spilling over as you finally let yourself feel the weight of it all. You shook your head, realizing the mistake you made, "I thought I was protecting you."

"And I thought I was protecting you," he whispered, his forehead resting against yours. "But all we did was hurt each other."

Both his thumbs swiped away the tears that slipped down your cheeks. "I don't care about the past. I don't care about anything except this. Right now. Tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away. But if there's even a part of you that still-"

"I never stopped," you cut in, your voice barely audible.

His breath hitched, and he pulled you into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to your hair and holding you as though afraid you might slip away again. His body was warm, solid, and for the first time in years, you felt like you could breathe.

The two of you stayed like that for what felt like hours, clinging to each other as the weight of the world pressed down on you.

"We don't know what's going to happen," you said finally, your voice shaky. "These games... they're not going to let us both make it out alive."

His grip on you tightened, his jaw clenching. "We'll figure it out. We'll survive. Both of us."

"Dae-"

"Don't," he said firmly, pulling back to look at you. "I already lost you once. I'm not losing you again."

You opened your mouth to respond, but the sound of the announcement system crackling to life cut you off. The same automated female voice filled the room, announcing the end of the game.

The moment shattered, the tension between you replaced by the cold reality of where you were. But as the words faded and doors unlocked again, Dae-ho didn't move away. His gaze remained fixed on yours, a silent promise lingering in his eyes.

This wasn't over. Not yet.

[burrowdarling]

Sweet Nothing

Summary: A super-fluffy lil blurb based on Sweet Nothing - Taylor Swift

Pairings: boyfriend!Joe Burrow x girlfriend!reader

Requested: Yes | No

Warnings: none, just pure fluff

Note: Heyo! Thank you for all of the love on my writing recently, it means so much to me that you're all enjoying everything! Thank you to this lovely anon who submitted this idea :)

Word Count: 838

Check out my Masterlist here!

Taglist: @burrowbarbie @definitelynotdomanique @one-sweet-gubler @plushkhiii @enchantedinfinity @iosivb9 @hellsingalucard18 @hotburreaux Feel free to comment or message me if you'd like to be added to the list!

I spy with my little tired eye, tiny as a firefly

A pebble that we picked up last July

Down deep inside your pocket, we almost forgot it

Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes? Ooh, ooh

It was the littlest things that would remind him of you. Joe could be driving home and see your favorite restaurant, a billboard for a show you mentioned, or simply a street sign that made him think of a conversation you two had a few nights before. It could be different license plates from your goal to find every state wherever you go or your need to always play eye spy on every road trip the two of you took. You were sentimental, getting him to slow down and take a breather every once in a while. It wasn’t always something Joe was good at, having a narrow focus and one end goal for multiple months out of the year. He loved his job but he loved being with you more. You loved to find small treasures to bring back home with you on your trips. Small tokens of memories compounding into your relationship, able to bring you both right back into any moment. You were nostalgic, loving to reminisce on different milestones in your relationship together. For example, you always saved the flowers Joe would get for you in hopes that one day you could spread them down the aisle at your wedding. It reminded Joe that the little things do matter. Even when it felt like he couldn’t slow his pace, he had you there to pump the brakes for him.

'Cause they said the end is comin', everyone's up to somethin'

I find myself runnin' home to your sweet nothings

Outside, they're push and shovin', you're in the kitchen hummin'

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothin'

No matter how loud the noise was inside his head, Joe was always able to find a sense of solace in you. It was like you were a security blanket, able to quiet the myriad of voices that tried to overtake his thoughts at all times. Coming home to you was the favorite part of his day, no matter the time or mood he was in. Finding you in his kitchen, making his favorite meal while you danced around, singing your favorite song at the top of your lungs while it played lightly from the speakers. You never let his presence stop you, continuing to sing while grabbing his hands, making him join into your antics. Joe would feign resistance, but deep down he loved every second of being home with you like this. You had a carefree nature about you, allowing him to let his guard down, even for a moment, and bask in the warmth that was your love. Being home meant there were no restrictions, no standards, all that he had to be was 100% himself. You were able to tell when he would need certain things like space to himself or to be held. It was something he thought was a superpower of yours, convinced you were able to read his mind somehow. 

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors

And smooth-talkin' hucksters out glad-handin' each other

And the voices that implore, "You should be doin' more"

To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it, ooh

Sure, there was something about the spotlight that Joe reveled in, finally getting the recognition for his hard work and effort all these years. He didn’t need to hold any type of facade around you, though - able to see right through any of his fronts. To you, he was Joey - the boy from Athens whose dream was to play football for the love of the game. He was always striving to make other people’s lives better, spread kindness and joy in his hometown community. 

“Do you ever think that maybe I’m not cut out for this life? Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I didn’t make it.”

These were questions he would ask you in the dark, basking in the security of the night, a time for confessions he would come back to in the morning.You always knew what to do in these moments, never discounting his feelings or telling his mind to quiet. His favorite by far was when you would be in bed, ready to rest for the night after a particularly hard day. You would hold him in your arms, light scratches down his back, whispering any and every thought you had about him while he drifted off. Your sweet nothings were something he cherished, finding himself thinking about them on the nights when you could be there with him.

Home didn’t have to be a place, it was a feeling. That feeling was something he had with you always. Joe was able to call anywhere home as long as you were there by his side, taking life one step at a time. You were his sweet nothing.

[vnti-vnxiety-recs]

Kiss Me More (M)

★ PAIRING: Doyoung x reader

☆ WORD COUNT: 3k

★ GENRE(S): smut, established relationship

☆ SUMMARY: You withhold kisses from Doyoung when your mad at him and it drives him nuts.

★ ☆ WARNINGS: explicit sexual intercourse, dry humping

unprotected sex, mature, cunnilingus, MDNI

☆★ NOTES: This is based off a clip I saw of Doyoung where he was at somebody's house and the husband was basically talking about how he and his wife don't kiss, and Doyoung was like “but you guys have kids together??” That man was shocked. This just got me thinking that Doyoung would not be able to wrap his head around not being able to kiss you. If anyone can find this clip ill be in your debt.

(\ (\

(„• ֊ •„)

━O━O━━━━━━━━━

He hated when you got like this. 

The late afternoon sun cast a golden hue over the streets as the car moved, trees and buildings blurring as you stared out the window. You sat in the passenger seat of his car with your arms crossed tightly over your chest.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” he asked with a sigh, reaching out to wrestle one for your hands free to intertwine it with his, trying to coax you back from whatever place you’d retreated to.

He didn't care how pissy you got, that wasn't going to stop him from loving on you. “Hmm?” he prompted again, searching your face for a response.

You didn’t reply, but you didn’t pull away either, which he took as a small victory. 

“Baby,” he said, his tone shifting to something a little more serious. “You can’t seriously be mad at me for not letting you bring that dog home.” He glanced at you briefly before turning his attention back to the road.

You rolled your eyes dramatically. He had definitely reopened a healing wound by bringing up the topic again too soon. You pulled your hand away from his.

He focused back on the road, thumbs drumming rhythmically against the steering wheel as he tried to fill the silence. He could see the slight tension in your jawline, the way you completely turned your body away from him. It was a tell-tale sign that he had pissed you off. 

“It's just a dog,” he added, trying to alleviate the tension, but he knew better than to underestimate how much it meant to you. “We can get one later, you know right now isn’t a good time.” His heart raced with hope as he prayed he was finding the right words to soothe your irritation. 

He sighs when you remain silent. “You’ll get over it,” he said, trying to keep his voice light, but the uncertainty crept in.

You in fact did not get over it. 

To an outsider looking in, everything probably seemed like peaches and cream. The afternoon light streamed through the windows of the café that you sat in, laughter bubbled up from nearby tables. 

It was in fact not peaches and cream as far as Doyoung was concerned. He prided himself on knowing you inside and out, and despite your numerous attempts to assure him that you weren’t upset anymore, the flicker behind your eyes told a different story.

It had been about a week since that tense car ride, and while you weren’t childish enough to hold a grudge outwardly over something so seemingly trivial, you were certainly childish enough to nurse a small internal one. Doyoung tried not to worry, he knew that in about a week, you would officially let it go.

The only issue was that you were driving him insane in the meantime. 

Earlier that day, when you visited the shopping district, you had smoothly dodged one of his kisses. He wasn’t one for PDA anyway but all he had wanted was to leave a sweet little peck to your temple. When you had pulled away too quickly to “look at the mugs,” he instantly knew what games you were playing.

Doyoung hated your games because he was always the one who ended up losing. He didn't have many weaknesses when it came to you; he couldn’t afford to, considering how much he had already let you get away with. But there was one undeniable weakness: your kisses. 

So it was no surprise that when you had discovered this vulnerability, you instantly started to use it to your advantage. 

Want a new purse? Butter him up with a really long, deep, intimate kiss that left him breathless. 

Need more allowance? Just trail a few kisses up his long delicate neck, plant a teasing hickey behind his ear, and you’d have him wrapped around your finger.

He was fully convinced he would die without your kisses. it was the air that he breathed. He loved the way your lips felt against him. It was as if you held a power to bring him to his knees. Without your kisses, he felt a kind of withdrawal setting in. He needed your lips on him or his on you. He didn’t care how it happened, he just needed it.

 It had been days since you had initiated a kiss, and he was too prideful to make a move after you had snubbed him earlier in the store.

“Are you listening, Doie?” you said, kicking his leg beneath the small table, drawing him back to the moment.

You sat across from him as you enjoyed your lunch, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off your lips. You had just bitten into a croissant, and the buttery sheen clung to your mouth, sending his imagination spiraling. He was lost in thoughts of pressing his lips against yours, licking the sweet taste of croissant from your lips, until your playful kick brought him crashing back to earth. 

“Sorry, it’s just a little noisy here. What did you say?” he asked, feigning ignorance.

“I said your coffee is getting cold,” you replied with a slight smirk. “They brought it a moment ago, and you haven’t even touched it yet.” 

Doyoung sighed lightly, running a hand through his hair, the tension between you humming like a live wire. “Right, the coffee,” he said, forcing a smile as he picked up the cup. He took a sip, your gaze never wavered, a playful challenge dancing in your eyes.

“What's on your mind babe?” you ask knowingly.

“I know what you're up to. Do you really think I don’t notice when you’re playing these games?” he asked, resting his chin on his hand as he leaned closer, his heart racing as the distance between you shrank. He hated that he was so close to you yet so far away. 

“Games? I’m just enjoying my lunch, Doie,” you replied innocently, though your lips curled into a mischievous smile.

“You’re definitely playing games,” he countered. “And you know I can’t resist you.”

You reach over and take a sip of his coffee, making sure to lick your lips deviously after. You lean back in your chair, eyes sparkling with amusement. You knew exactly what you were doing, and you were loving every minute of it.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

—

You were going out tonight, and he didn’t know how much more he could take. You had put on his favorite lip combo, the one that drove him crazy. Your lips looked plush and glossy, drawing his gaze like a magnet. 

As you stood before the floor-length mirror, you couldn't help but steal another glance at yourself. Satisfied with the way your outfit came together, you admire your reflection. But your thoughts  were interrupted by the presence of someone behind you.

Doyoung stood in the middle of the room, clad in his signature laid-back attire: sweatpants and an oversized sweater. His arms were crossed, shaking his head in disapproval as his gaze locked onto yours in the mirror. He pushed his glasses up higher on his nose, the gesture only adding to the adorably stern expression on his face.

You couldn't help the light chuckle that escapes at the sight. "What's wrong, babe?" you asked, walking over and wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning into him playfully.

He stuttered on his response, his voice faltering as your face moved mere inches from his. Your sweet scent enveloped him, and he felt himself leaning in closer. You bit your lip and looked up at him, your heart skipping a beat. Truth be told, you weren’t even mad anymore; it was impossible to stay upset at Doyoung. You felt weak when he gave you that look—the one that made him resemble a sad little bunny. His eyes round, and his brows furrowed slightly as he looked enchanted by the way you bit your lip. He looked pathetic.

“I asked you a question, baby,” you whisper, a breath away from his lips.

“Please,” he pleads breathlessly.

You knew you had him right where you wanted him. You don’t know what came over you but you can't resist pressing your lips to his in a quick peck. The groan that left his lips was almost pitiful. He immediately tried to chase after your lips, but you stepped out of his embrace.

“Sorry baby, the girls are waiting.”

—

It wasn’t until later that night that you stumbled back in the apartment you shared with Doyoung. The worst of your drunken haze was over, but the high heels clinging to your feet didn't do much for your coordination. You tried to be quiet as you slipped inside, not wanting to wake your boyfriend.

As you walked into your room, you noticed the bedside lamp still on. Doyoung was sitting up in bed, engrossed in whatever book had captured his attention. You had told him not to wait up but he never listened, he couldn't sleep until he knew you made it back home safe. You loved watching him like this—so serious, so focused. There was always a soft spot in your heart for him when he wore his glasses; it made him look like the cutest little bunny you had ever laid eyes on.

You stifled a few giggles that escaped your lips, and Doyoung’s head snapped up at the sound. A smile broke across his face as he looked you up and down. You shuffled over to the bed with a yawn and collapsed onto the mattress face-first, burying yourself in the pillows 

“Need some help, love?”  Doyoung chuckled. 

You nod into the sheets, not caring if your make up smudges. He slid out of bed with practiced ease. You roll over when he knelt at your feet, his hands wrapping around your ankles, and tugged gently. The heels came off one by one, and you let out a relieved sigh as he discarded them to the floor.

His lips brushed against your ankle, feather-light, and you tensed. Warmth. It spread up your leg like wildfire as he kissed his way up your shin, then your knee, each press of his mouth sending little jolts of electricity through you. You hadn’t realized how touch starved you were until now.

You're pulled out of your trance when his lips leave your body. He stood and stalked over to the bathroom to run you a bath. When he comes back he lifts you off the bed. “Come on, rabbit,” he murmured. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You didn’t protest as he led you to the bathroom, where steam already curled from the bathtub. He undressed you, his fingers brushing against your skin in a way that made you shiver. He washed away the remnants of the night, scrubbing the makeup from your face and running a sponge over your body until you were squeaky clean. Finally, he wrapped you in a towel and helped you into fresh pajamas.

Once you were both back in bed, you expected sleep to come easily. But it didn’t. Your mind raced, replaying the way his lips had felt against your skin. Your legs pressed together instinctively, and you shifted restlessly beside him.

Doyoung stirred, grumbling something unintelligible as he pulled you closer. His arm draped over your waist, anchoring you to him. You turned in his grasp, your eyes tracing the lines of his chest, the curve of his collarbone, the dip of his throat. And then your gaze landed on his lips—soft, slightly parted, and so close.

That’s when you noticed he was awake. His dark eyes watched you, hooded and half-lidded, but there was no mistaking the intensity in them. You swallowed hard, your heart pounding in your chest.

Doyoung didn’t say a word. He simply leaned down, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was long overdue—a week and three days overdue, to be exact (he’d counted).

It started slow, Doyoung was still a little asleep but once the fog from his brain cleared he leaned into the kiss, deepening it. You kiss him back with all the pent-up frustration and longing of the past few days. His tongue swept into your mouth, coaxing yours to dance with his. You moaned softly, your hands fisting in the sheets as he pressed his body into yours. You sink deeper into the mattress.

His hands cradled your face, holding you steady as he kissed you again and again, each one more desperate than the last. You tried to pull back to catch your breath, but he chased you, whining low in his throat as he claimed your lips once more.

“Doyoung,” you gasped.

He nods his head, a soft "hmm" escaping him before he lips crushing against yours again.

His ass was not listening.

His kisses were messy and wet, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip before laving it with his tongue. when he finally pulled away, you were both breathless. His chest heaved as he stared down at you. Its isn't long at all until his lips find their way back onto your skin

He sucked and licked at the sensitive skin of your neck, leaving bruises in his wake. The vibrations of his groans sent shivers down your spine, and you arched into him, your nails digging into his shoulders.

“Doyoung,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I need you, I can’t wait”

“Yes, you can,” he growled, his teeth grazing your earlobe. “You’ve been driving me crazy for days, rabbit. Don’t rush me.” He says sternly. He was going to take his time with you. He still had a few other places he hadn’t kissed yet.

He situates himself between your legs. His hands slid under your shirt, pushing it up and over your head before tossing it aside. His lips trailed down your chest, his tongue flicking over your nipple before he took it into his mouth, sucking hard enough to make you cry out. 

Your hips bucked involuntarily, and Doyoung groaned against your skin, his hips grinding down into your warm core. He drags his hips up slowly making you shiver. You breath hitches as he pushes his hips into yours over and over.

He pulls away from you, eyes raking down your body, taking in the bruises that litter your skin. He bites his lips when he looks between your bodies. He watches as he grinds into you and moans when he sees that wet spot forming in your panties. 

his hand slid between your thighs. “All over a little kissing?” His fingers teasing the soaked fabric of your panties. “Guess I wasn't the only one affected.”

Your breath catching as he hooked his fingers into the hem of your underwear and tugged them down. His touch was electric as he stroked you, his thumb circling your clit while his fingers dipped inside you.

“Fuck,” you moaned, your head falling back against the pillows. “Doyoung, please—”

“Please what?” he asked, his voice rough. “Didn’t I tell you not to rush me?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but he cut you off with another searing kiss, his tongue sweeping into your mouth as his fingers curled inside you. Your back arched, your nails raking down his back as pleasure coiled tight in your belly.

“Doyoung,” you gasped, breaking the kiss. “I’m gonna—”

“Not yet,” he said firmly, withdrawing his fingers. You whimpered in protest. “If I had to wait so can you.”

He slips down the bed until his head is between your legs and when you finally meet his eyes, they were already glazed over, dark and hooded, completely lost in the thought of what he was about to do. He was pussy drunk before his mouth even touched you.

His tongue slipped out lazily, teasing at first, a slow drag along your folds that had your back arching off the mattress. He groaned, low and guttural, as if he couldn’t believe how good you tasted—like he’d been starving for this. His lips wrapped around your clit with a desperation that made your toes curl, his tongue flicking against it in a cruel rhythm. You couldn’t look at him. The intensity in his eyes was too much, too raw. With a wet pop, he pulled back briefly, his breath hot against your slick skin, before diving back in with a hunger that left you gasping.

“Fuck,” you breathed, your voice trembling as his fingers joined the fray, replacing his lips. His fingers rub slow circles against your clit while his tongue moved to pushed deep into your dripping cunt.

His tongue curled inside you, his fingers moved faster now, a blur of motion that had your thighs trembling, your hands clutching at the sheets for an anchor.

“Enough, Doie…please,” you whimpered, voice cracking at the end. But he didn’t stop, instead licking into you until you were squirming beneath him, half trying to push him away and half desperate to pull him closer. Your hands flew to his head, fingers tangling in his messy hair as you tugged. His fingers leave you clit and find purchase wrapped around your thighs to keep you pinned. The lower half of his face is soaked and you don't miss the way his hips rut against the mattress. He presses his tongue flat against your clit urging you to ride his face.

“Doie—!” you cried, your hips thrusting wildly, chasing your orgasm even as the overstimulation threatened to overwhelm you. It was too much but you couldn’t stop.

Your body went rigid, heels digging into the mattress as the orgasm tore through you, leaving you weak and trembling in its wake. He let go reluctantly, his lips pressing one last kiss to your sensitive core before he sat back on his knees, chest heaving as he watched you. His eyes were nearly black, pupils blown wide with desire. The sight of him, flushed and panting and hard in his grey sweats, sent another pulse of warmth pooling between your legs.

“You’re not done yet,” he whispered, his voice rough with need. “Not even close.”

He lines himself up at your entrance and when he finally sank into you, you both moaned in unison. He was relentless, his hips snapping against yours as he drove you closer and closer to the edge. His hands couldn't keep still his touch spreading across your body. It was everything and all too much. You bury your face in the pillows and your back arches when he hooks one of your legs over his shoulder. His hand reaches out to grip your cheeks forcing you to look at him until his lips find yours again, swallowing your cries as you come beneath him.

“Tell me you want it,” he demanded, his voice low and commanding.

You fight through the sensitivity, “I—I want it,” you stammered wanting him to fill you up. 

His strokes get longer, he presses into you slow and deep. He needed you to feel all of him. He needed to drive you crazy, just like you had done to him. You whine and clench down tight around him. You reach out for him, needing him closer. Your leg falls from his shoulder as you wrap your arms around his neck pulling him close until your chest to chest. Your legs wrap around his waist and your heels dig into his lower back until he's fucking you harder. His head drops into your neck with a groan. A few more deep plunges of his hips has him spilling inside you. He leans back and rests his forehead against yours as you both ride out the waves of pleasure.

When he finally pulled away, you were both drenched in sweat, your breaths coming in ragged gasps. Doyoung collapsed onto the bed beside you, his hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair from your face.

“For the record, I’m not mad about the dog anymore,” you said with a sheepish smile, letting out a soft huff of laughter. You had already known he was right; you and Doyoung didn’t really have the time or space for a dog right now, but you’d never admit it to him.

“You’re impossible,” he murmured, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “Took you a week to get over it.”

You grinned, your fingers trailing down his chest. “And yet, here you are.”

He caught your hand, bringing it to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Here I am.”

[drewharrisonwriter]

Overtime

Status: Complete.

Pairings: Boss Dave York x Secretary Female Reader

Word Count: 1008 words

Summary: Preparation for an investor presentation kept you and your boss Dave York working overtime.

Author's Notes: Hey, it's been a while and I know I have a shit ton of WIPs lol but I hope you all enjoy this new Dave York piece. I am open to requests and prompts, too.

Warnings: Minors DNI. 18+ only. This fic contains explicit sexual content, themes of infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics/power imbalance, employer-employee relationships. Reader discretion is advised.

Read this on AO3 | Check out my Masterlist

The office is eerily quiet, the low hum of the central air system the only sound as you perch yourself on Dave’s lap. Your back arches slightly, your hands gripping the polished edge of his mahogany desk to keep your balance. The soft fabric of your dress bunches around your waist, exposing the creamy expanse of your thighs and the black lace of your panties pushed to the side. His hands grip your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh as you move atop him in slow, deliberate rolls of your hips.

Your heart pounds in your chest, and it’s not just from the pleasure coursing through your veins. It’s always like this. Heated. Urgent. Completely reckless. You bite your lower lip, stifling the sound bubbling up your throat, your mind warring with itself. You hate and love this in equal measure. You love how his touch makes you feel alive in a way nothing else ever has, and you hate the reality you always face when it’s over.

His thick cock stretches you perfectly, filling you in a way that makes your breath hitch with every movement. Each upward thrust of your hips meets the firm grip of his hands, steadying you as he guides you into a rhythm that is both demanding and intoxicating.

“Fuck, baby, I love this so much…” he groans, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. His head rests against the back of his executive chair, his sharp features cast in the dim light of the desk lamp. “You feel so goddamn good. Always so damn good…”

Your chest tightens at the words. They aren’t new. He always says things like that when you’re in a moment like this. And the pounding in your chest isn’t from the building pleasure but from the knowledge that this will never be more than what it is… A dirt little secret from the world. 

Your internal conflict swirls in your chest, tangled with the physical ache of your body chasing the high he always brings you to. He shifts slightly, leaning forward to press a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along your shoulder. His teeth graze your skin, making you clench around him involuntarily.

“Don’t stop,” he commands, his voice low and rough. One of his hands slides from your hip, skimming over your stomach before dipping lower, his fingers finding your swollen clit. He presses tight, deliberate circles there, and you gasp, your head falling back against his shoulder as the sensation shoots through you like a bolt of lightning.

“Dave,” you whimper, your grip on the desk tightening as your thighs tremble. You’re so close, the coil in your belly winding tighter and tighter, threatening to snap.

“Not yet,” he growls, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. “You don’t cum until I tell you to.”

You whimper, biting your lip hard to stifle the moan threatening to escape. You try to focus on the desk under your hands, on the steady rhythm of your hips against his, but the sensation of his fingers rubbing your clit while his cock fills you to the hilt is too much. Your body quivers, teetering on the edge of release.

And then the phone fucking rings.

You freeze, your breath hitching in your throat. He lets out a low growl of frustration, his hand stilling on your nub as he reaches for the phone on his desk. He glances at the caller ID and sighs heavily before answering.

“York,” he says, his voice clipped, though his fingers resume their torturous circles on your clit. Your eyes widen, your body trembling as you try to stay still, to keep quiet, but it’s impossible.

“Yes, the investment presentation is on track,” he says into the phone, his tone professional despite the way his hand works you over, keeping you on the brink. He leans back in his chair, his free hand gripping your hip tightly to steady you. His voice drops slightly as he says, “I’ll call you back. My secretary is… coming.”

Your cheeks burn, your breath coming in sharp gasps as he ends the call and drops the phone back onto the desk. Before you can recover, his hands grip your hips again, and he thrusts up into you hard, his movements unrelenting.

“Cum for me, baby,” he growls, his voice rough and commanding. “Now.”

Your body obeys, your release crashing over you like a tidal wave. You cry out, your walls clenching tightly around him as your thighs quiver. Your head falls back, your eyes squeezed shut as the pleasure wracks through you. He doesn’t stop, his pace relentless as he chases his own high, your body tightening around him only spurring him on.

“Fuck,” he groans, his head against your nape as he comes, his cock pulsing as he fills you with his release. His fingers dig into your hips, holding you tightly against him as he empties himself inside you. You swear you can feel every hot rope of his release, leaving you feeling bloated and utterly spent.

The room is silent except for your ragged breathing. You slump forward, your hands still braced on the desk as you try to catch your breath. His hands soften their grip, his fingers brushing over your skin in lazy, soothing strokes.

It’s always like this. Passionate and consuming. And yet, as you clean up, straightening clothes and fixing hair, the reality always looms. He kisses you softly, his lips lingering on yours for a moment longer than usual, but it’s not enough to chase away the ache in your chest.

You watch him leave, his jacket slung over his shoulder as he walks to the elevator. He will go home to his family, to his wife, and lay in bed beside her while you lay awake in your own. And that’s the part that hurts the most. This is all you could ever be. And you hate that it isn’t enough—but you hate even more that you can’t stop wanting him anyway.

[sabsberries]

I love you, I'm sorry - h.s.

summary - Harry's ex girlfriend comes over to pick up her belongings after their breakup

w.c - 2.2k

warnings - swearing, angst, use of Y/N, lowkey didn't proofread, and lowkey rushed ending...

Harry couldn't decide which was worse: the breakup itself, or watching her walk around his house, barely digging below the surface of his belongings, and picking out anything that was hers.

"Do you want a drink? I've got tea, coffee, water.." His voice trailed off slightly as she looked at him, his train of thought slowing down and his throat tightening.

"I'm okay, thanks. Did you want to keep this?" She questioned, picking up a golden picture frame containing a photo of the first time Harry met her family. He was in the middle of the photo, a huge, dimpled smile on his face with her mum's arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind, her sister on his left, and Gemma on his right, a similar smile adoring her own face.

Harry looked at it for a few seconds, his eyes squinting in acknowledgment. "Better not," he mumbled. "You know.."

"Right." She whispered, placing the picture frame into a nearby box and standing up, cursing at the way her knee loudly clicked.

Harry chuckled, curling his lips inwards slightly. "You still haven't gotten that checked out?" He laughed.

"Shut up! I'll get around to it!" She giggled, moving her leg slightly.

"Please, you could barely finish our hike when we were last in LA! I heard more whining about your leg than I heard of them actually walking!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" She laughed, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise that he would even mention a memory of them from when they were dating. "And if I recall correctly, I finished that hike faster than you did!"

Harry smiled to himself, his hands twitching to stay by his side as they laughed. "I actually have your hiking boots upstairs, if you still want them."

Her smile dropped slightly, and Harry's heart twinged. Why would he bring that up when they were having such a good time together?

"Right. Well, I'll get round to it. I'm gonna go get my stuff from the kitchen." She smiled weakly, grabbing a slightly smaller box and making her way through the house and to the kitchen.

The living room looked like it had before she had moved in, and Harry didn't like that. He didn't like the way the fireplace no longer had her trinkets on top of it, or how the coffee table was now left empty, bar from the TV remote and a candle she insisted Harry should buy.

"Shit." He whispered, his eyes darting from corner to corner, analysing the loss of her items, the loss of her.

"Harry, was the bee mug yours or mine?" He heard her call out.

"We both had one. Take either." He replied, his eyes never leaving the box on the floor, half full with photos.

"Okay, I grabbed the pink one because I think the purple one was yours. I think all that's left is the bedroom and the bathrooms." Y/N sighed, walking back into the living room and putting the box down next to the others.

Harry stayed silent, his eyes focusing and unfocusing on the boxes that surrounded him.

"Harry?"

"Oh, right. Yeah," He cleared his throat and turned around. "Let's go do that."

The bathrooms were easy. Y/N grabbed a few shower products from the three with showers, and then the remaining skincare products, which she forgot to grab the night they broke up, from the ensuite.

The bedroom, however, was not.

Throughout the four year relationship, Harry and Y/N managed to muddle up just about every single item of clothing they owned. Graphic t-shirts once owned by Harry? Now Y/N wore them too. Hoodies Y/N had accumulated over the years? Harry owned them too. So, as Harry sat on the bed feeling as useless as ever whilst watching Y/N struggle to decipher whose clothing was whose, he felt the ache in his chest come back.

"I think most of the hoodies are yours, anyway." He called out after a good fifteen minutes of silence.

"Yeah?" She mumbled, throwing him a brief look over her shoulder before pulling a few more off of the hangers.

"Yeah," He whispered. "Well, everything on the right side is yours. Maybe some on the left too. I tried to organise them before you got here so it wouldn't be as hard."

That was a lie. He had spent the two hour notice he got from her muddling up as much of their things as possible so that she would spend more time with him.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"I washed a few of them too so you don't have to worry about that, either."

Another lie. In fact, he sprayed a couple with his cologne and put them over to his side of the wardrobe so they'd smell like him for longer.

"You really didn't have to, H."

"I know."

The silence came back, but this time, Harry's chest didn't hurt as much. Sure, his heart felt as heavy as ever, and he felt dizzy from how much pain was circulating his mind and body, but it wasn't as bad as before. That was a win in his eyes.

Y/N knew Harry. She knew him better than, as cliche as it is, she knew herself. She knew he had sprayed her clothes with his cologne, and that she hadn't put her moisturiser in with Harry's, or her favourite perfume under the sink with a significant amount missing. But who was she to judge? She had just broken up with him, and maybe if things had worked out differently, she would be sat on that bed with him, gossiping about some family drama and planning out future holidays together.

"Mum's thinking of adopting a new cat." Harry smiled.

"What- another one?"

"Well, that would be what the 'new cat' means." Harry laughed, crossing his right ankle over his left.

"Oh, piss off. How come?"

"Dunno. She called me this morning and told me about it. She said she couldn't wait for you two to discuss it over lunch."

"Really?" Y/N questioned, dropping the hoodie she was folding and turning around to face Harry. "Did you not tell her?"

Harry's face fell ever so slightly, and for a split second, she felt bad for bringing it up.

"Not yet. I think I'll let the joys of a possible new cat wear off before I tell her. Gemma knows though, and she's so fucking pissed." Harry breathed a laugh, tilting his head to the side slightly as he pictured the angry look on Gemma's face as he snatched her phone off of her to avoid an angry phone call to Y/N.

"Oh, I know. She called me on the drive here telling me I was making a mistake."

"What'd you say?"

"Not a lot, really. She's your family. I'm not going to use this as leverage to get her on my side." Y/N explained, and turned back around to continue folding and packing.

Harry stayed silent for a few more seconds before opening his mouth to speak. "Do you really think she'd even be on your side, even if you had told her it?" His tone was nothing short of bitter, a harsh contrast to the playful tone he was sporting prior.

Y/N didn't speak. Part of her felt like she didn't have the right to, and the other part was telling her to finish packing and leave.

The silence this time was worse. It was heavy, and painful, and now, her fault.

"Do you uhm-" She cleared her throat, "do you want this?" She asked, pulling out one of his t-shirts which she had been sleeping in since the first night she had ever slept over at his house. The collar had been stretched out, and shrunk too many times in the wash for Harry to even comfortably fit his biceps in, but she still felt as though she should ask.

Harry looked at her, taking a mental note at the way her eyebrows were furrowed, and the way her eyes were slightly hazy, and off focus. He felt his expression drop to mirror hers as he flickered between the t-shirt and her face as he tried to think of an answer.

"Harry just keep it, I need to get going." She mumbled, zipping up the duffle bag and standing up.

"Got somewhere to be?" He scoffed. Truth is, he didn't actually know where the anger was coming from. The breakup was civil for the most part, and both him and Y/N walked away happy with what they had left behind.

Y/N continued to stay quiet. The plan she had created in her head on the drive over didn't include even a hint of an argument, so she wasn't sure she'd have an idea of what to say if one did start.

The walk down the stairs was pure torture. It felt as though Harry scoffed with every step she took, and her heart was about to explode with embarrassment over how fast the situation turned on her. 

"I'm gonna put this in the car. I'll be back for the rest." She whispered, barely looking Harry in the eyes before darting out of the door.

Harry's eyes welled up with tears, and no matter how much swallowing and sniffling he did, the ache in his throat didn't seem to budge. "Okay, I- fuck." he whispered, covering his face with his hands and turning around to walk back to the kitchen, taking advantage of the dark kitchen and using it to cover his face.

"Harry?" Y/N called out.

He cleared his throat and pulled open the fridge, putting his head inside and using it to hide the way he was frantically wiping at his eyes.

"In the kitchen."

The patter of her footsteps was soothing, in a way. Harry hated that he found comfort in her being back in their, his, house again for the first time in God knows how long.

"I finished all the boxes." She whispered.

Harry turned around to face her. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the way that her lower lip was slightly quivering made him wish that their situation was different, and that he was still allowed to hug her, and tell her she was okay, and that he was there for her.

He nodded. He wasn't quite sure what to say in this situation. He had had serious relationships before, both of them had, but this was the only one that made Harry feel seen, and understood, and like he had really found the one.

The sun had set fully by now, and the only light in the room was the open fridge and the faint glow from the moon.

"Am I ever going to find out the real reason why you broke up with me? Or are you going to keep it to yourself for a year and then call me up and tell me on a random Tuesday? Because, Y/N, if we really were ‘growing apart’, don't you think I would have felt it too?" Harry spat at her, watching the way her eyebrows furrowed, and her mouth opened slightly to defend herself.

"Oh, please, Harry! Don't act like you're the victim in this!" She yelled back.

"What, and you are?"

"No! Neither of us are! Just because I'm the one who insinuated this doesn't mean the breakup itself wasn't mutual! Harry, how am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with someone when I can't even spend right now with them?"

Harry knew it was coming. Her reason for the breakup was that they were growing apart, arguing all the time, and were no longer the same people they were when they began dating all those years ago. Harry's reasoning for the breakup was, well, nothing. He didn't have a reason. If he had it his way, they'd be cuddled up in bed right now, Y/N showing him a video of someone falling over, and him searching Netflix for a movie for them to watch. But that’s the issue - you can’t force someone to be in a relationship that they so clearly don’t want to be in.

"Why couldn't you have figured this out before I planned out my whole life based on you being in it?" Harry muttered, staring at his feet as his eyes filled up with the tears he previously had tried to shun away.

The fridge began to beep before Y/N could answer, and, as painful as it was, she used that as her cue to leave. 

"Okay, Harry, I really need to go. I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry." Y/N said, wrapping her arms around her lower stomach and trying to control her rapid breathing.

She hesitated before leaving, and turned her head over her shoulder to look back at him. His face was emotionless, bar from the tears dripping down his cheeks, and his eyes were unfocused, staring at the kitchen floor. The fridge was still beeping, and Y/N knew that despite it annoying him, Harry only kept it going because it was better than the silence. The silence was the real killer.

"Call me if you ever need anything, okay?" She took a deep breath. "I love you, Harry. I'm sorry."

[sexygayvampire]

okay. i must do this for vervain and emmrich immediately

1. pretty much at first sight, yeah. he is utterly disarmed by emmrich’s charm, whimsy, and skill at his craft. during that recruitment mission at the necropolis he falls hard and fast. no coming back from that.

2. seeing the way he fights for his cause. i imagine it’s during the double dragon fight that it hits emmrich, seeing vervain’s determination and passion at their strongest—for revenge for minrathous, for justice for treviso. vervain will stop at nothing until minrathous is free of venatori and treviso is cleared of blight, and witnessing his anger at full throttle and his sheer force of will makes emmrich weak in the knees.

3. longer than it should have. vervain flirts and teases incessantly, but he waits for emmrich to make the first move, and emmrich overthinks it. by the time he finally asks vervain if he can kiss him, taash is near murderous and bellara owes neve 20 gold.

4. vervain is deeply fascinated by the mourn watch and their practices. he loves visiting the necropolis and constantly asks emmrich questions about necromancy and spirits and nevarran culture. i think emmrich has a lot of respect and admiration for the shadow dragons and the work that they do, and he’s happy to lend a hand in vervain’s work where he can.

5. as above, vervain loves learning about emmrich’s culture and is always enthusiastic about partaking in rituals and whatnot. on the other end, he’s been teaching emmrich all the hidden-gem hole-in-the-wall spots in the city, how to spot a scam, cheating at wicked grace 101, and other dock town traditions. emmrich is eager to learn, if not a bit concerned at times.

6. they do a lot of reading in silence together. aside from that, emmrich has taught vervain to slow down and appreciate a walk in the garden or a cup of tea, and vervain brings emmrich on late nights out in dock town, whirlwinds of drinks and dancing that leave them both exhausted and laughing. vervain learns about art and architecture. emmrich learns dock town’s best back alleys to make out in. they spend hours talking about magic and history. i think if jigsaw puzzles existed in thedas they would become the most irritating people in the world.

7. extremely physically affectionate. emmrich always has a hand on vervain’s shoulder or waist. vervain loves pda and cannot go five minutes without kissing emmrich. they’re gushy and annoying and call each other pet names and taash has asked lucanis what his rates are for a hit

8. they don’t do a lot of formal dates, but they go on outings together a lot. tending to the flowers in the necropolis gardens every week. getting drinks with the shadows at the swan. vervain isn’t really one for formality, and emmrich finds his looser approach to a relationship exciting. when they do get a nice dinner or something, vervain usually lets emmrich plan. (he tried, once. a fight broke out and they wound up having to hunt down venatori late into the night. can’t have shit in dock town.)

9. constantly. they’re attached at the hip. in the early days, vervain spins some excuses about how “there could be a demon around any corner” and how he “needs a fade expert to follow solas’s trail,” but it’s pretty obviously bullshit. neve calls him on it immediately. they fight very well together (despite both being long-range staff mages, lol) and have excellent coordination and battlefield control. …though emmrich spends a lot of time healing vervain.

10. i mean, we all know how emmrich is. dearest, darling, my love, my dear, etc.—it’s nonstop and annoys everyone else and it always makes vervain’s heart flutter. vervain mostly just calls emmrich “em,” simple but effective in making him blush, but he breaks out a “love” or a “darling” every now and then.

11. vervain absolutely thinks it first. it’s probably before they’re even together. he doesn’t half-ass anything. he’s the one to say it first, too; a casual “maker, i love you” after emmrich rambles about some necromancy thing or another. emmrich freezes up, which causes vervain to realize what he’s said and start panicking, but emmrich calms him with an “i love you too, dearest” and a kiss.

12. a lot. mostly about specific academics that irritate emmrich who he rants about, and whenever anything goes wrong, it’s their fault. “my teacup got knocked over? fucking [insert scholar] again.” also vervain has been trying to get emmrich to say “fuck” for like, five months. at this point he must be holding out on purpose

13. (opens vervain’s 7 and a half hour playlist) (cracks knuckles) tunnel lights - chelsea wolfe. to die for - the birthday massacre. live 4ever - magdalena bay. bone marrow - mellowdrone. fly on the windscreen - depeche mode.

14. vervain loves to give gifts. he’s not very good with words, so he brings emmrich little trinkets like a weird cat. his favorite flowers, jewelry, books he thinks he might like, some fancy tea from antiva, just a constant stream of small gifts to show his affection. emmrich’s gift-giving is more of a grand gesture—he gives vervain one of his own bracelets, expensive wine, all rose petals and romance. both are extremely endeared to the other’s gifts and treasure everything they’ve exchanged.

15. emmrich was a mess. they left off after that argument about how emmrich would definitely die before vervain, and, well. he hadn’t thought about the alternative. he was not prepared to lose him. he hardly slept, he looked like shit, he holed himself away with bellara to work on that dagger and try to figure out how to get vervain back. lucanis had to remind him to eat. upon rescue, they somehow became even more inseparable. emmrich could not stop crying for like two hours. he was exhausted and overjoyed and experiencing every emotion and damn that argument, he swore to treasure every moment they would ever have together, no matter what was to happen at the end of it.

16. he was overwhelmed with guilt and anger for davrin and neve. he knew emmrich would be terrified for him and wanted nothing more than to soothe his pain. the self-reflection required by the fade prison was… difficult. he’s honestly still in disbelief that he was able to leave at all. but he absolutely refused to leave emmrich like that, without resolving their fight. his determination to make things right is what got him out in the end.

17. vervain absolutely adores how excited emmrich gets when talking about necromancy. emmrich admires vervain’s unwavering confidence and courage.

18. marriage is a certainty. it might not fly in tevinter, but they can do it in nevarra. vervain will not stop fighting until there are no venatori left alive or he dies trying to make that happen, so retirement isn’t exactly in the cards for him, but he will insist upon emmrich not working himself too hard as he grows older. as for children, they have manfred and that’s all they need. but maybe they could get a cat. manfred would love a cat.

Questions for your Rook and their partner:

Does your Rook fall for their partner at first sight? If not, what moment made your Rook realize they're in love with them?

When does the partner realize that they're in love with Rook?

How long does it take for them to officially get together? Did any of the other Lighthouse members have any suspicions beforehand?

Do your Rook and their partner share the same faction? If so, does that affect their relationship at all? If not, what is your Rook's opinion of their partner's faction? What is the partner's opinion of Rook's faction?

Do they have different cultural backgrounds (e.g. a Rook who was raised in Antiva with Harding who was raised in Ferelden)? If so, do they ever share parts of their culture with each other? If they're similar, how do they celebrate their culture together?

What is their favorite thing to do together? Do they share any hobbies? Does your Rook teach their partner their own hobbies? Does the partner teach Rook theirs?

Are they a physically affectionate couple? Are they fine displaying those affections in public or do they prefer to be in private? If they're not, how do they prefer to show their love instead?

What does their ideal date look like? Do they go on much?

Does your Rook bring them out often? How are they like on the battlefield? Do they banter much?

Do they have any nicknames for each other? Who uses terms of endearment more?

Who says "I love you" first? What is the other's reaction? Who thinks it first?

Any inside jokes?

What song(s) do you associate with them?

Does your Rook get their partner any other gifts (besides the one already in-game)? Does the partner get Rook any? Any gifts that are particularly special?

What was the partner's reaction to Rook being imprisoned in the Fade? How did they cope? How did they react upon seeing Rook again?

How did your Rook react to getting trapped in the Fade and separated from their partner?

What is your Rook's favorite thing about their partner? What is the partner's favorite thing about Rook?

When all is said and done, where would they like to retire together? Is marriage in the cards for them? Children? Pets?

[koalaflower]

Midnight Love

pair. michael kaiser x fem!reader

genre. angst, smut, ANGST, in that exact order. mention of abuse. desperate, whiny man. mature. brief penetration and fingering. complex situationship. kaiser cries for you.

synopsis. he needs you. irrevocably.

a/n. my stomach was in knots writing this. yes, the title is inspired by girl in red. i like pain and suffering idk. in my mind, kaiser is just a little boy that wants to be loved.

word count. 4.6k

You met Kaiser in a bar late at night. You were busy celebrating a work promotion, and he was there to forget, seeking refuge from his father and his fans. Your paths crossed under the haze of alcohol, stumbling towards each other in a crowd of unfamiliar bodies. He worshipped you, and you held him close, pressing tender kisses onto his skin.

What began as a fling became a regular occurrence.

Once or twice a week, you’d find yourself in his arms. Always late at night and always vanishing by the morning. It was a simple, unspoken arrangement. You didn’t pry into his life, and he didn’t ask for anything more than the solace your touch provided. It was convenient and mutually beneficial. A well-deserved break from reality.

He didn’t need you. You were just another girl. Someone he found during a lonely night. Someone quick and easy.

So why did his heart ache when you called it off? Did you find someone new? Something real? Why did Kaiser, the picture of confidence, a man so callous and detached, find himself grappling with emotions he couldn’t name? You’d given him something he never thought he deserved—a constant love, even if it was physical, even if your kisses were in the heat of the moment.

Your presence filled a void he’d buried for years, and now, without you, he had no one to hold onto. No family to return to, nothing to call home. Kaiser wasn’t supposed to care. And yet, he couldn’t let you go.

The room falls silent when the words leave your lips. The last time. You said this was the last time. Your naked body curled around his, head on his bare chest as a thick blanket covered the mess you two made. But he didn’t feel warm. Not anymore.

“No.”

That’s all he could manage to say, voice lowering to an imperceptible whisper. His fingers tipped your head back to look at him, a glint of desperation in his deep blue eyes.

Your lips part, trapped in his forlorn gaze. You’ve never done anything more than touch, the two of you agreeing to avoid intimate conversations, even if your actions were anything but. Your mouth goes dry, unsure of how to respond.

“What?”

His thumb brushes your cheekbone gently, reverently, as his other hand pulls you closer to him. The desperation was seeping into his voice, despite how deep and composed it was. He couldn't let go of you. He couldn't let you slip through his fingers and end up in the arms of another man. He needed you.

“Don't leave,” he says, swiping his thumb over your lips, still swollen and rosy from his love.

“Kaiser,” you whisper, taken aback by the emotion in his voice, the way his lips quiver and eyes threaten to spill. “Our relationship isn’t professional. I don’t need it anymore. Not like I used to.”

You don’t need it anymore. You don’t need him anymore.

The words felt like a slap to his face, and it stung. You were going to leave him because of your pride and professionalism. He was ready to beg and plead for you to stay, throw away all his dignity and sink down to his knees. He would bring you pleasure again, to prove his worth, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Instead, his thumb continues to trace circles on your skin, feeling the way goosebumps prickle under his touch and how your breath catches for the last time.

“Professional?” he echoes, a quiet, sardonic laugh escaping his lips. That was it? Professional?

“That’s what we agreed to. To.. prevent whatever this is.” Your voice is level, calm. You talk to him like he’s a child that needs lecturing. “I can’t keep meeting you whenever one of us has a bad day. What we’re doing isn’t healthy.”

He wants to grab your shoulders and plead with you, but he doesn’t. Why? Why isn’t it healthy? How, when your presence silences and soothes the thoughts in his mind? When he drops into your arms like he belongs there? Like you’re his home after a long, desolate day.

The pain in his heart is too much to bear, his eyes locked onto yours as he listens to you speak those cruel words. You’re more than a fling, but the words are lodged in his throat. He couldn’t even defend himself, knowing you were right. He never saw you as anything but a convenient escape, someone to warm his bed, yet here he was, begging for more. How pathetic.

“Is that…” He pauses, tongue flicking over his lips. “Is that all I am to you? A fling?”

“That’s what we agreed to be, what you wanted this to be. Until we don’t need it anymore.”

He knows you’re right. He gave you the terms, listed the conditions. He set the boundaries and named the price. He was a fool, for not thinking it would lead to this.

His arm that was wrapped around you tightened, as if his embrace would reason with you and make you stay. His gaze never left yours, the intense blues of his eyes desperate. ‘Stay with me. Come back to me. Look at me like this. Forever,’ they whisper.

“And what if I need this?” He’s aware he sounds like a petulant toddler throwing a tantrum at their favorite toy being taken away, but he doesn’t care. He’s losing you, the only constant in his life, and it’s scaring him. “What if this is the only thing I live for?”

You run your fingers through your hair, an exhausted sigh escaping your lips. It makes his heart wrench because he’s the reason. Yet he can’t help but admire the way you look, skin still littered in his hickeys and hair a wild mess as the covers cling to your frame. You’re covered in his lips but you’re not his, and it’s a tough pill to swallow.

“Kaiser, you’re a celebrity. There’s countless other girls out there. Hell, you have so many fans, so many op—“

“They're not the same,” he says. Stern.

He didn't want any girl. He wanted you. He wanted you in his bed every night, to share whispered words in the dark, the softness of your lips on his. He wanted to feel you next to him, the warmth of your body against his own. No other girl could make his heart race and head spin the way you did. No one else could fill the void within him.

“Don't leave me,” he whispers again, lips tenderly pressed against your neck.

He couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth, the words his pride would have never let him utter.

“What are you saying?” You sit up, looking at him like he’s frail. Fragile.

He slowly sits up as well, the blankets pooling at his waist, leaving his bare chest exposed, blue roses traveling up the length of his arm. His hand reaches for yours, lacing your fingers together. This feels right. He can feel your pulse, the blood thrumming beneath your skin.

“I’m saying I don't want any other girls in my bed,” he murmurs, inhaling your scent. It makes him feel all tingly inside, all warm and fuzzy.

His thumb continues to rub your hand as he waits for you to say something. Anything.

“Only you,” he says.

He brings your intertwined hands up, placing your hand over his heart. He lets you feel how it beats quickly and hard.

He thinks, for a moment, that he’s gotten to you. That you’ll reciprocate. But you just let out a sharp exhale, your hand slipping from his.

He was disappointed with himself. How pathetic could he be? Showing his true self to someone who never saw him as anything more than a convenient body to sleep with. Someone to call when you’re lonely and need a distraction.

“You could've just said no.”

He can't believe that he allowed himself to be so vulnerable just for you to leave him behind. His fingers curl into the sheets as he bites back the pain in his chest. The covers aren’t warm. Not like your hold. They don’t kiss him and breathe life into his body.

“I’m sorry. This was a mistake,” you say, crushing him again. He feels the air drain from his lungs.

A mistake. The word feels like a knife twisting in his chest. A mistake. That's what he was to you. He swallows the lump forming in his throat, the bile threatening to rise.

He thought he had finally found someone who loved him, flaws and all. The way his mother hadn’t, the way his father hadn’t, and the way the world hadn’t. Yet here he is, reliving every rejection he’s ever faced.

He was abandoned. Again. Rejected, cast aside, replaced with someone who could give you what he couldn't.

“I can’t be with you,” you say, like it’s as natural as breathing and he was the one making a big deal out of nothing.

“You’re a celebrity,” you continue. “And I’m not anybody.”

Was that it? Were you scared? Scared of being thrust into the unknown? Scared of leaving everything behind? So many solutions ran through his head, things he wanted to say to convince you to stay, that you were somebody to him. But he stayed silent, foolish, because the finality in your tone was hurting him. His jaw tensed as he fought to keep his composure. He didn't trust himself to speak.

“I shouldn’t have—we shouldn’t have done anything that night,” you whisper. He can’t do anything but watch as you slip out of bed, even though it’s midnight. Even though you had just made love.

He needed an answer. He needed to know why all of this was a mistake, why you wanted to leave him, why he wasn't enough. Why he was never enough.

Not for you. Not for anyone.

“Why?” he asks, his voice weak and cracking. He’s never felt more humiliated in his life.

“I can’t love you.” You don’t even look at him as you speak. His heart shatters, fingers curling in and creasing the sheets. “I can’t possibly love you.”

Why? Why can’t you? He wasn’t asking for anniversaries or gifts or fancy dinner dates. He just wanted you to hug him, kiss his lips, soothe his loneliness like you had been. Only an hour of your day, a quarter of your time. You could set the conditions, you could negotiate the terms. He’d give it all, if only you’ll stay.

“Then why do I love you?”

Silence. The words hang in the air.

He couldn't cry, not now. He couldn’t bear seeing that look of pity on your face.

Kaiser was used to disappointment, used to being abandoned. But he had hope. He had hope that you loved him. Hope that you saw him as he saw you. He was a fool to believe you would love him, too. And now, you were leaving, and he was paying the price for it.

“I’m sorry,” you reply, fingers fumbling with the buttons on your shirt. It was wrinkled, crumpled from the way he slid it off of your body. You were a mess, and now he’s ruined.

“Just go,” he says, tearing his gaze away from you. “Don’t apologize.”

You get dressed, clothes covering all the reminders he’d left of his existence on your body. You spare him one last glance before leaving his condo.

He lays there, in silence, in the bed that still faintly smells like you. No matter how much it hurts. No matter how bad the ache is. He couldn't bring himself to move.

He feels his chest ache in a way he's never felt before. It was agony, pure torture. He never wanted to feel like this again. It was worse than when his mother abandoned him or when his father raised a fist against him. Because at least with you, he had something to lose.

Rejected. Abandoned. Unloved. Again and again. His entire life. He had no one. He was disposable. He wasn't worthy of love. He wasn't worthy of being loved. Not even by you.

The ghost of your touch still tingles on his body. The warmth of your skin against his still sears in his mind. He feels like a fool, an utter, pathetic fool, laying in an empty bed, clinging to a heavy blanket, and wishing it were you.

The season passed by in a blur. The February sky reminded you of his eyes, and the night, the dark highlights in his hair. You can’t ignore the guilt that churns in your stomach whenever his face flashes on television—advertisements, season highlights, news outlets—you couldn’t escape him. You think you imagine the way his laughter fades when the camera pans away from his face, but you don’t give yourself time to think about it, about him, as you switch the TV station. You don’t want to know if he’s hurting or not. His success is intact, and this is for the best.

It'd been a little over a month. A month that felt like a year. His mind was occupied by thoughts of you, consumed with the pain of the loss.

Nothing makes it better. He works day and night. Music, acting, interviews, anything to fill his days and distract himself from this dull ache. But it's all useless.

The tabloids are spiraling with rumors about his love life. New girls occupy the empty side of his bed, yet none of them stay long. They're just random hook ups that fill the void.

Kaiser has been drinking. More than before. Drowning in alcohol as a way to dull his pain. He wants to drink until he can't see. Until he can't think or feel.

So he blames it on the whiskey, when his feet drag him to your place during a particularly lonely night. He’s a drunken mess, broken and shivering, but it’ll all be over once he sees you. The air is crisp, his fingers trembling as he forms a fist and knocks on your door.

He's exhausted. He's miserable. He doesn't know how long it's been. But he can't forget you, can't move on. His mind is clouded with thoughts of you.

It’s 2 in the morning when you open the door, about to tell whoever it is to leave until you see him. He’s a mess. His eyes are glazed over as he leans against a pillar for support.

“Kaiser?” you ask, eyes wide. You can hardly believe what you’re seeing.

His shirt is halfway unbuttoned, his skin flushed, hair a mess, and his eyes are bloodshot. He can't cope by himself. He needs you. He needs your touch, your voice, and your presence. His heart, which he tried so hard to ignore, thumps hard in his chest, like it’d jump out of his body if you didn’t hold him.

“What—What happened to you..?” The question is so innocent, so simple, that it makes him want to cry, because he knows you know. He knows you’re just denying it, like how he’s denying the way his insides twist just by breathing near you.

He doesn’t resist when you pull him inside. You shut the door behind him in case someone sees you together. A fan, maybe. Or the paparazzi. He didn’t care once he felt your fingers brush against his skin, buttoning his shirt back up. Your brows were knitted in concern, and his fingers itched to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Each graze left behind a trail of heat, a feverish combination of heaven and hell.

He stays still, his eyes fluttering and struggling to stay open, but he feels it. He feels the butterflies in his chest, and the knot in his throat tightens. It's been so long. He had tried so hard to forget you. But he couldn't do it.

“My god. How much did you drink?” You ask, a disapproving, chastising tone in your voice, and he almost smiles. Words that would have annoyed him before, he’s now grateful for. He’s been missing you. It feels so good to see you.

You’re about to slip away from him again, muttering something about a glass of water. It’s all muffled in his ears, blurry in his vision. He holds your wrist, keeps you rooted to the spot, and he doesn’t let go.

His breath smells like alcohol and cigarettes when he kisses you. It burns, singes, scorches even, like you’ve done something forbidden. But neither of you pull away.

He kisses you until his lungs burn. And then he kisses you harder. He’s moving on autopilot, his tongue slipping past your parted lips, seeking you out, seeking your taste, so familiar and engrained into his senses.

He's missed the way he feels when you're right there in front of him, sighing against his lips and tugging his hair. His lips press a trail of sloppy kisses down to your jawline and across your neck. He kisses and bites like he’s trying to devour you, his fingers slipping under the fabric of your shirt to feel your skin.

“Mm… you’re drunk,” you say as you pull away, chest rising and falling as a string of saliva connects your lips. His cheeks are flushed, and your hands are cold.

His voice is low, a mere whisper. And his head is pounding, but he doesn't care. Not right now. Not when he’s so close to you again.

“Don't care,” he replies, kissing your neck once more before lifting his head up to look at you. His mind is a drunken mess, his thoughts running a mile a minute. Everything he wants to say, he can’t.

“This isn’t a good idea.” Your hands cup his face, breaking through the haze of influence when your eyes bore into his. He searches for it, but he can’t see the love reflected back. He can’t, and it hurts all over again.

Just one more night, and maybe he'll sober up. Just one more. That's all he needs. Another night of being able to hold you and hear your soft noises as he makes love to you.

“Kaiser.” His thumb brushes against your cheek. He wants to tell you to stop looking at him like that, with pity and concern. But all that comes out is a soft whisper.

“Please…”

He hates that look in your eyes. He hates how you see him now. Why can't you love him the way you used to? He doesn't deserve your pity. He needs you, and it's killing him that you don't feel the same.

You nod, and the relief breaks through him like a dam. The butterflies, the spark, it’s all there again. His hands move to the back of your thighs, picking you up and carrying you to your bedroom.

He knows this place. He's been here many times before. He’s memorized the portraits, the trinkets, and the decor around your room. He knows how to get to the bed without pulling away from you, his fingers already tugging your shirt up and off. He can't wait to feel everything all over again, can't wait to feel whole, to feel good again.

His kisses travel from your lips down to your neck, nipping and sucking at the skin and leaving marks in his wake. His hands move from your waist to the back of your thighs. They wander, memorizing every inch. Remembering.

You moan when he dips a finger into you, and he groans at the sounds tumbling from your lips. He wanted to hear you come undone, wanted you to cry his name, just as you used to.

It’s so easy. To slide another finger in. To curl it against the spot you’re most sensitive. He knows every flutter of your eyes, every buck of your hips as your hands pull him closer.

He’ll take his time to savor the feel of you. Every curve, every dip, every scar, every inch of your perfect body. He wanted to memorize you the way he first did when this all started, so many months ago.

Your legs are tightly wound around him when he pushes the head of his cock inside. He’s gasping, breathing heavily against your skin as your heat welcomes him so readily. Like you were made for him. His head is still fuzzy, but nothing compares to how he feels in this moment.

His fingers dig into your hips, forehead pressing against yours. He can't look at you, not yet. He'll lose himself if he stares into your eyes for too long. He just wants to focus on this, on the warmth of your body against his own.

His eyes open just a little, seeing you, and you look so pretty, so ruined as you gasp and grip at his arms. He almost cums on the spot, with the way your body squeezes around him like a vice. The way you looked and felt and sounded is just like he remembers.

You're ruining him, and he’s letting you.

He knows he can't stay like this forever. He knows this isn't real and he'll have to feel that loss again tomorrow, but for now, for tonight, you’re his.

You beg for him to move faster, and he can't deny you. You, who looks like an angel, cries like a siren, and pulls him in like a vixen. He wants to ruin you the way you're ruining him.

He's a fool. A fool who comes back to you time and time again, who loves you more than you'll ever know. He doesn't stop, no matter how much his chest burns or his head aches.

And then he’s ruined it.

His stupid, drunken self lets the three words slip from his lips, in a moment of passion and lust. He lets them tumble into existence, lets them tear from the depths of his being.

They're drunk and sloppy and inaudible, but you hear them as a muffled groan against your lips. Then he realizes, and time comes to a standstill. His eyes widen, heart thumping against his chest, but he doesn’t feel it. He feels nothing at all.

“I love you,” he said. And he knows he’s ruined it all again.

It’s over. The moment is broken. You heard him, and reality is crashing down.

The words hang in the air between you. He knew he messed up. He was drunk. He didn’t mean to say it, yet here he was, feeling his face flush with embarrassment. Words were stuck in his throat, an apology ready at the tip of his tongue. He waited for you to tell him to leave, but you didn’t.

It hurts more than imaginable when you close your eyes and tell him to keep moving. His lungs burn because you don’t say it back.

His hips rut faster, fingers almost bruising your skin. You cry out and he can feel that you’re close, but it’s not the same as before. You’re tense. You’re pretending. And he knows your thoughts are far from him.

It's wrong. It’s all wrong. Nothing feels as good as it did. He can tell by the way you aren't as responsive to him as before. He tries to get it over with quickly, hoping it'll end soon because it hurts more than helps now.

He wants to feel that same spark of love and passion he’s been craving so badly since you left. He wants it to ignite all those butterflies in his stomach, but he's only left with a hollow ache in his chest.

He needs release, even though it hurts. He can't bring himself to look at you, afraid of the look you're giving him. He wants you to cry his name, but it won't happen. He can tell by the way you're laying. Your body is like a coil, so stiff and wound up.

His thrusts are faster, but you look so detached. Tears slid down his face.

“Why, Y/n?” he asks through grunts and the sound of skin against skin. His breathing grows more ragged as silent tears continue to stain his face.

You close your eyes, unable to look at him. Even as his tears slip onto your skin, even as he kisses your neck.

Kaiser can't bring himself to open his eyes either. He never should've come here, never should've kissed you, never should've let himself get his hopes up.

You both came undone. Your walls are fluttering around him, and his eyes are glued to the way his fluids seeped out of you. You’re both panting, wrapped in a blanket of post-clarity.

He lay beside you, his chest heaving. His vision is blurry, yet he can still see you. He can see that you’re not looking at him, and it only makes him feel worse. He’s fantasized about this since the day you left, and yet here you are, not looking at him. Not speaking to him.

He tries to catch his breath, but every inhale burns like he’s underwater. God, it hurts. His hands curl into fists as he waits for you to do something. Say something.

“…I’ll get you water,” you murmur, standing before slipping out of the room.

His heart sinks the moment you get up. You're right in front of him, yet he feels so far from you. He feels so numb, his hands trembling as every emotion seems to sweep over him at once.

When you return with a white mug in your hands, he’s already dressed. Already stumbling past you and heading for the door.

He needs to get away. He wants to stay forever, but he needs to go. His fingers curl around the handle of your front door.

“Kaiser, wait.”

He freezes, listening. He won’t look back. He can't, or he’ll never find the strength to leave.

“Just… drink this before you go,” you say.

He hesitates, but he couldn't deny you, not even now. His hand releases the door handle, fingers curling around the handle of the cup of water you offered him instead. He doesn't meet your gaze. He has to look down, afraid that he'll do something he'll regret as you button up his crumpled shirt for him.

“Stay.” Your voice is quiet, and he has to strain to hear.

He stills, lips parting. Maybe he heard you wrong. Maybe you meant something else. His mind, despite how cloudy it felt, filled with hope again. Or maybe, just maybe—

“Stay safe.”

Stay safe.

Not stay.

Just stay safe.

You didn't want him to stay. Why would you? You didn't love him.

You look away, leaning against the counter as he gulps down the water like it’ll salvage him.

His grip on the cup tightens, so badly wanting to throw it against the wall. He stays silent, placing the cup down on the counter with a trembling hand.

Your fingers wrap around the ceramic, rinsing it underneath the faucet. He watches as you wash away his touch, his lips, and his love. The way you do so easily since the first night.

He can't look at you as he opens the door and leaves.

He had hope that you’d say it back, that you’d tell him to stay the night. He was naive enough to believe you'd love him too if he’d stayed. No. You just wanted him to stay safe. He was just a drunk hook up to you. Nothing more. Nothing less.

:D

[vampzity]

neglectful | FL

“It always goes like this, could’ve predicted it. I’m so naive to think you loved me for me.” — goddess, laufey

pairing: bf! felix x reader

after a rough disagreement with your boyfriend, you can’t help but feel like a terrible parter to him. he does his best to go out his way to show you you’re more than enough but unbeknownst to him, it was already too late.

[warnings]: slight arguing? self-consciousness. this is far from fluff i fear…! angst only hehe

word count: 1.5k

“You just don’t seem to care! All you’ve been doing is pushing me aside and I’m tired.”

You stormed out of the house, completely forgetting the lunch that Felix had packed for you. You’ve had enough of the excuses, of the silence whenever you were right, the “ifs ands and buts.” Felix stood there in disbelief, your plate of breakfast still in his hand as he hoped you would just come back through the door.

Except you wouldn’t, not this time.

There was going to be no more, “letting him off the hook.” Every time you argued, you’d let him have the last word— you’d forgive him so easily and let it go as if it wouldn’t continue again in the future. You were exhausted and you just wanted him to listen.

Felix wasn’t always this way, oh no. He was a completely different person back then, but it just left you with the many wonders of what had changed. When did he become so cold, so distant and why? For some odd reason he didn’t want to talk about his feelings toward you and that bothered you. Relationships should be all about being open with each other, communicating.. he was doing the exact opposite.

The cycle was the same, he’s cold, he’s distant, you comment about it, he brushes it off as nothing and then you argue. With him moving on like it was nothing hours later. It hurt you to see someone who you still cherish so deeply, switch a flip on you unexpectedly.

Felix placed your plate on the table, staring with a blank expression. There wasn’t a single day that you’d go without eating breakfast, especially not before work. It shouldn’t have. bothered him, but it left a heavy weight on his shoulders that he didn’t like. He sat at the table, pushing the food on his own plate around with a fork as his mind raced.

Was he really as neglectful as you made it out to be?

He glanced over to your plate across the table, full and missing your presence. An empty feeling washed over him— it was odd to be eating breakfast without you, as it was something you two have done every morning for the last 2 years. For once, there were left overs. Your untouched leftovers.

A frown painted his face as he got up to clear the table. He searched through the cabinets for a container to save your food in, but to his surprise there was none. How far in the gutter was his mind? Did you ever mention anything about needing more containers before?

Felix glanced around the kitchen, his eyes catching a small list against the fridge. He walked over to it and pulled it down, scanning it for a moment. Milk, eggs, cereal, and there it was.

Storage containers.

“A grocery list, for me?” He tilted his head in confusion, his eyes catching the date of the note.

1/03/25.

That was nearly a whole week and a half ago. A sighed escaped him as he imagined the many times you had told him to bring back groceries on his way home, or simply go and get them on his days off.

It all made sense now— why you came home furiously carrying multiple bags of groceries the other day. Why you gave him the cold shoulder whenever he cooked for you. He was neglecting you without noticing and didn’t even bother to see the signs you threw his way. Felix’s heart sank at the realization, feeling horrible for the way he let you feel. He loved you, he always did, however it was clear you felt that he didn’t anymore. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel less than enough.

How could he make it up to you?

— ✧⁂✬ —

You pulled into the driveway of your shared home, groaning as you turned off the car. You sat in your seat for a minute, contemplating if you even wanted to walk inside— it’s not like you’d be greeted with any warm welcome. A useless argument seemed more likely to occur the that at this point, and you weren’t exactly looking forward to it.

You got out of your car, locking it as you walked over to the door. You fumbled with the keys for a moment before the door swung open in front of you. Startled you jumped back, being greeted with a guilty look from Felix. You looked at him for a second, before brushing past him to take off your coat and shoes.

“Can we talk?”

Felix closed the door, trailing behind you as you switched into your house slippers. You ignored him, walking over to the kitchen to spot a small plate of brownies on the table. You raised your eyebrow, giving him a quick glance only to be met with a half smile. Sending the cold shoulder his way, you grabbed a drink out of the fridge and walked toward the stairs.

It’s been months since he’s made you anything, let alone brownies. Though to make brownies all of a sudden, especially knowing you were upset with him? It was unusual.

“Hey,” he grabbed your hand, tugging on it slightly. You turned your head to look at him, sighing as you pulled your hand out from his grasp.

“Please talk to me, I’m sorry.” he mumbled, searching for even the slightest bit of light in your eyes.

“Talk about what, Felix? I’ve said more than enough to you yet time and time again you don’t care. Why waste my breath?”

He gave you a small frown, accepting the harsh truth that you had every right to be upset with him. All he wanted to do was fix things and make you happy— was it too late for that?

“I’m just, I feel horrible. I spent so much time in my work, I neglected you and.. that’s not right.”

He looked away from your cold gaze, picking at his chipped nail polish. You sighed heavily, turning away from him and walking back up the steps to your shared bedroom. You dug through the closet and pulled out a suitcase, soon fumbling through the closet and drawers for clothes. Felix watched from the doorway, eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you doing?”

You ignored him once again, walking into the bathroom to grab things and soon placing them in the stuffed luggage. You closed the suitcase, pulling it off the bed. Felix walked into the room, grabbing the suitcase from your hands and pulling it to him.

“Hey, give me that back!” You tugged at the handle that he held a firm grip on. “I’m serious Felix, I’m done here.”

“So you’re just going to leave like that? After everything? Where are you even going to go?”

His questions felt like knives, turning and twisting inside of you. Still, you ignored them, yanking the suitcase from his hold and walking down the steps. You changed back into your sneakers, Felix standing a good distance away from you. You glanced over to him, watching as tears escaped his eyes.

“I don’t know what you want me to say to you. Brownies doesn’t fix anything, especially this and you know that.” You put on your jacket, pulling the car keys out from the pocket.

“I’ve fought, I’ve communicated, I even thrown hints at you and still you pushed them aside as nothing. Can’t you see it Felix? I loved you more than I loved myself, more than you even loved me.”

Felix stood there still, his face covered in tears as he wiped them away. He couldn’t respond to you, he wouldn’t. There was nothing for him to say when you were right. He had to bring himself to see the harsh reality of it all— he hurt you, put you last, every feeling you had at this moment was valid.

He wasn’t always cold, he was never the cold mean guy toward you, and the tears may have proven it, but a part of you couldn’t bear with it anymore. He showed you his true colors without a warning. He was more passionate about his work than he was of your relationship, and it tore you apart.

“Felix..” your voice broke, tears rolling down your face as you walked up to him.

You held his hands in your own, bringing them up to your face before you placed a soft kiss against them. You gave him a small frown as you wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I love you, but I deserve better. I’m sorry.”

His heart shattered at your words. He subconsciously pulled you into a hug, squeezing you softly as if he didn’t want to let go. You ran your fingers through his hair, kissing his head gently before pulling yourself away from his hug.

“Please don’t go, I can do better. I promise.” His doe eyes met your own, making you look away.

You walked back to your suitcase, holding it tightly as you made your way to the door. You stopped suddenly, taking in a deep breath before looking back at his fragile gaze. It hurt you to see him like this, but that was only part of the extent that he ever made you feel. He may not ever know how you truly felt.

“You’re too late.”

You shut the door behind you, tears streaming down your cheeks as you made your way to the car. The worst part was over— at least for you, unlucky for Felix, it was just beginning.

uh, i’m sorry for this LMAO. part 2 maybe?

taglist: @dvrktvnnel @scarfac3 @h4untedgrl @jjongibears @rvereri

@kittykat-25 @sundaybossanova @yyaurii @hwasddeongbyeoli @vnessalau

@tiredlittlevirgo @roomsofangel @joonezra @honeyhwaaa @minghaoslatina

[whatbigotspost]

Dear fellow hyperverbal hyper empathic hypersocial or extroverted autistics/AuDHDers ESPECIALLY those also with a healthy relationships and self-growth special interest…….

🛑YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS AUDIT MOMENT!!!!!

🚫Who have you accidentally become an unpaid therapist to lately?

🚫Where are you forgetting to build or reinforce boundaries with others YOU need to be happy?

🚫What boundaries with yourself have you transgressed lately that are draining you?

🚫Who in your life if they were to text you right now, would you feel a big sense of dread because you have been hearing from them too much lately?

🚫Who in your life if they were to text you right now, would you feel a big sense of dread because you have been hearing from them too much lately?

💚Who in your life generally fills your well in an emotionally joyful, glimmer kind of way?

💚 Who upholds your same relationship values and works hard to create a positive relationship with you that meets both of your needs?

💚 Are you accidentally neglecting anyone who you love and wish you wouldn’t be?

💚 Who tries to anticipate your emotional and sensory needs so that you can be your best self when you guys are hanging out?

💚 Who shows that they are just as interested in hearing about how your relationships with other people are going as you are with theirs?

💚 Who helps you out with your own struggles when you need a shoulder to cry on?

💚Who “gets you” so well but you haven’t reached out lately because you’ve spent more time on relationships that are somehow more intellectually stimulating, but might not be what you need on a heart and human level?

Because of delayed processing, we often have to really think about these things not when we’re hanging out with our friends or family, but after… So truly take a moment and try to reflect on how you feel with the others you’ve been spending your time around lately.

🚫Is that new friend genuinely someone who brings you joy, or are you excited about the novelty of the new relationship?

🚫Is that old friend someone who really still has your back? Or have you been giving so much more than you’ve been getting back lately?

I was listening to a podcast today and heard myself in it in an in a very similarly-styled autistic, lovely young woman and hearing her talk about what she is going through at 26 made me realize even here at 40, DAMN I’ve done it again.

gotta go create some space so I am not lost in some relationships 🥲

[iwasonething]

living with luigi mangione headcannons

-> somehow luigi has a kind of superpower that makes him sense when ur here, when ur not, if u left eg. while sleeping in the same bed, if u were going to get up to drink some water or if u have sleeping problems, this man would prob follow u wherever ur going in what? 3-5 min? give or take. -> imagine coming home to a kiss on the cheek like "how was today my love tell me about it" with reassuring back rubs and sweet nothings in ur ear like "oh rlly? mhm" while making u tea -> if ur stressed, hed deff tell because if u were living together/u guys were that serious, communication would be key in ur relationship and he does connect well through language and everything esp with his loved ones and hed find it odd how u arent sending him a litany of messages or voice messages ab what ur doing, how's it going, etc etc + hed prob know ur sched in advance if there was anything bigg coming up and he's really that perceptive - truly knowing you completely so yes hed DEF tell if u need him, want to be alone!! of course though, hed give u a kiss on the forehead just to let u know he's here :)) -> this man is REALLY organized w certain info. eg. "what's my social security again?" "oh dw i got it right here babe" be fr he wouldnt drag u to boring meetings with ur landlord about rent or something to discuss numbers.. hed do that all by himself althoughhh u do tell him that u appreciate the journey of going through this TOGETHER as a team so he does let u tag along :)) -> no because luigi would DEF be passionate in saving the environment!! esp in ur household! eg using scratch paper that's cheaper and recycled or seed paper even!! and if ur crafty that's a BIGG plus since u guys can recycle stuff together he'd rlly enjoy it -> if u enjoy gardening, hed def support u in tending to ur plants!! little plant babies do u guys know the type of "harvest with me!" video on tiktok? yes. he'd binge those for inspo. -> luigi i feel shows affection based on acts of service and words of affirmation. picture this: hes just working on some code and ur feeling a bit down :(( (if you are right now though, please know it's going to be alright! take it one step at a time. if ur procrastinating, you should really make a move right now!! truly it is never too late, good luck!!) so naturally u would go to him/sit on his lap and rest ur head at the crook of his neck and hed continue what he's doing with one hand but make an effort to rub ur back with the other asking u "tell me my love" "use ur words baby" i meowed. if ur still feeling down and just rotting in bed (me rn help) hed notice (because he does often check on wherever u are around the house) and play ur favorite song on vinyl, bring u ur favorite tea, and be there if u do want to talk :( -> drowssyyy monday mornings and lazy sundays!! we all know luigi plays roles of being such an active member in our society i mean man was doing rock climbing, an underground christmas lights selling thing on venmo? and he loves the beach, the outside, everything nature! but laying with u in bed is js something he would def NEVER waste :)) esp during slow mornings!! sweet nothings!! everything cute and fluffy

[obito-in-disguise]

| 100 million |

Husband Megumi x germaphobe reader.

Megumi glances down at your hands, cold from your shower. He takes one of them in his own, interlocking his fingers with yours and slowly rubbing them between his palms to warm them up.

“Why do you always take so long in there...and you always have the water freezing cold too” he grumbles, his warm hands working against yours.

You smile at his sweet gesture, ignoring the sass in his tone. "Thank you gumi"

He gives you a stern look before ultimately cracking a small smile back.

Raising your hand to his lips, he blows warm air onto your skin, rubbing gently to bring some life back into them. He knows you’re a germaphobe, and using his mouth probably isn’t your idea of hygienic, but he doesn’t really care in the moment.

You watch him blow air from his mouth unto your hands, making a face subconsciously.

He sees the scrunched up look on your face and chuckles, knowing exactly why you're doing that.

“What? worried I’m gonna infect you with my cooties? You do know we're married right? we're enshrined into each other now, I kiss you all the time, I've been inside y-”

"Christ gumi!" you cut him off, mortified. He was so reserved in public, but in private? had no inhibitions when it came to saying the wildest things.

He laughs, your reaction so entertaining to him. You still got so embarrassed, despite how long you’d been together. He releases your hands, crossing his over his chest.

“What? I’m just saying what’s true. I do all of those things to you and you’re worried about me breathing on your hand? Come on”

You huff, unclenching and clenching your now warmed hands. "I know, I know...it's more of a psychological thing"

He hums in mock understanding, letting his mind wander to all the silly rules you'd set throughout the course of your relationship.

No eating from the same silverware. No drinking from the same cup. No putting of eachother's dirty clothes together. He hadn’t seen someone so adamant about not sharing anything with anyone before.

“We’re supposed to be sharing everything. You’re just ridiculous. Why the hell can’t you eat with the same fork I just ate off of?”

You take a deep breath, bracing yourself before shouting at the top of your lungs. "A MILLIMETER OF SALIVA CONTAINS A 100 MILLION BACTERIA"

He doesn’t miss a beat, mirroring your volume. "WE GO TO POUNDTOWN EVERYNIGHT, THAT IS THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES"

You can't stop the giggles that escape your lips as you immediately jump to slap a hand over his mouth, you had neighbours.

He chuckles too, prying your hand off to continue embarrassing you. "We do far worse things than sharing silverware!"

You laugh harder "That's different!"

He rolls his eyes, deciding to humor you. "Pray tell, how is it different?"

"Going to poundtown is an in the moment thing..." you explains ridiculously.

Megumi doubles over with laughter, the sheer absurdity of your logic breaking him completely. He can never handle the things that come out of your mouth sometimes. They're just so bizarre.

“What the hell, I can’t even argue with that”

"That's right" you grin triumphantly. You hold up your finger as you begin to lecture him.

"You see Fushiguro, when we...get down, I don't have time to think about how much bacteria we're swapping." You shudder "but when we're eating?!! there's all the time in the world!"

He scoffs, shaking his head. He found your reaction to the very thought of sharing silverware with him, your husband, completely baffling.

“What a load of bullshit" he deadpans.

His eyes are filled with fondness as he watches you throw your head back and laugh at that, with that smile that always sends his heart racing.

Your germaphobe shenanigans were the bane of his existence but there was no one he would rather share the rest of his life with, your silly quirks and all.

oh how I love to daydream about married life, don't disappoint me universe 🤞🏻

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