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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 years ago

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Gig apps trap reverse centaurs in Skinner boxes

Enshittification is the process by which digital platforms devour themselves: first they dangle goodies in front of end users. Once users are locked in, the goodies are taken away and dangled before business customers who supply goods to the users. Once those business customers are stuck on the platform, the goodies are clawed away and showered on the platform’s shareholders:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

Enshittification isn’t just another way of saying “fraud” or “price gouging” or “wage theft.” Enshittification is intrinsically digital, because moving all those goodies around requires the flexibility that only comes with a digital businesses. Jeff Bezos, grocer, can’t rapidly change the price of eggs at Whole Foods without an army of kids with pricing guns on roller-skates. Jeff Bezos, grocer, can change the price of eggs on Amazon Fresh just by twiddling a knob on the service’s back-end.

Twiddling is the key to enshittification: rapidly adjusting prices, conditions and offers. As with any shell game, the quickness of the hand deceives the eye. Tech monopolists aren’t smarter than the Gilded Age sociopaths who monopolized rail or coal — they use the same tricks as those monsters of history, but they do them faster and with computers:

https://doctorow.medium.com/twiddler-1b5c9690cce6

If Rockefeller wanted to crush a freight company, he couldn’t just click a mouse and lay down a pipeline that ran on the same route, and then click another mouse to make it go away when he was done. When Bezos wants to bankrupt Diapers.com — a company that refused to sell itself to Amazon — he just moved a slider so that diapers on Amazon were being sold below cost. Amazon lost $100m over three months, diapers.com went bankrupt, and every investor learned that competing with Amazon was a losing bet:

https://slate.com/technology/2013/10/amazon-book-how-jeff-bezos-went-thermonuclear-on-diapers-com.html

That’s the power of twiddling — but twiddling cuts both ways. The same flexibility that digital businesses enjoy is hypothetically available to workers and users. The airlines pioneered twiddling ticket prices, and that naturally gave rise to countertwiddling, in the form of comparison shopping sites that scraped the airlines’ sites to predict when tickets would be cheapest:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/27/knob-jockeys/#bros-be-twiddlin

The airlines — like all abusive businesses — refused to tolerate this. They were allowed to touch their knobs as much as they wanted — indeed, they couldn’t stop touching those knobs — but when we tried to twiddle back, that was “felony contempt of business model,” and the airlines sued:

https://www.cnbc.com/2014/12/30/airline-sues-man-for-founding-a-cheap-flights-website.html

And sued:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/business/southwest-airlines-lawsuit-prices.html

Platforms don’t just hate it when end-users twiddle back — if anything they are even more aggressive when their business-users dare to twiddle. Take Para, an app that Doordash drivers used to get a peek at the wages offered for jobs before they accepted them — something that Doordash hid from its workers. Doordash ruthlessly attacked Para, saying that by letting drivers know how much they’d earn before they did the work, Para was violating the law:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/tech-rights-are-workers-rights-doordash-edition

Which law? Well, take your pick. The modern meaning of “IP” is “any law that lets me use the law to control my competitors, competition or customers.” Platforms use a mix of anticircumvention law, patent, copyright, contract, cybersecurity and other legal systems to weave together a thicket of rules that allow them to shut down rivals for their Felony Contempt of Business Model:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

Enshittification relies on unlimited twiddling (by platforms), and a general prohibition on countertwiddling (by platform users). Enshittification is a form of fishing, in which bait is dangled before different groups of users and then nimbly withdrawn when they lunge for it. Twiddling puts the suppleness into the enshittifier’s fishing-rod, and a ban on countertwiddling weighs down platform users so they’re always a bit too slow to catch the bait.

Nowhere do we see twiddling’s impact more than in the “gig economy,” where workers are misclassified as independent contractors and put to work for an app that scripts their every move to the finest degree. When an app is your boss, you work for an employer who docks your pay for violating rules that you aren’t allowed to know — and where your attempts to learn those rules are constantly frustrated by the endless back-end twiddling that changes the rules faster than you can learn them.

As with every question of technology, the issue isn’t twiddling per se — it’s who does the twiddling and who gets twiddled. A worker armed with digital tools can play gig work employers off each other and force them to bid up the price of their labor; they can form co-ops with other workers that auto-refuse jobs that don’t pay enough, and use digital tools to organize to shift power from bosses to workers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/02/not-what-it-does/#who-it-does-it-to

Take “reverse centaurs.” In AI research, a “centaur” is a human assisted by a machine that does more than either could do on their own. For example, a chess master and a chess program can play a better game together than either could play separately. A reverse centaur is a machine assisted by a human, where the machine is in charge and the human is a meat-puppet.

Think of Amazon warehouse workers wearing haptic location-aware wristbands that buzz at them continuously dictating where their hands must be; or Amazon drivers whose eye-movements are continuously tracked in order to penalize drivers who look in the “wrong” direction:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/17/reverse-centaur/#reverse-centaur

The difference between a centaur and a reverse centaur is the difference between a machine that makes your life better and a machine that makes your life worse so that your boss gets richer. Reverse centaurism is the 21st Century’s answer to Taylorism, the pseudoscience that saw white-coated “experts” subject workers to humiliating choreography down to the smallest movement of your fingertip:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/21/great-taylors-ghost/#solidarity-or-bust

While reverse centaurism was born in warehouses and other company-owned facilities, gig work let it make the leap into workers’ homes and cars. The 21st century has seen a return to the cottage industry — a form of production that once saw workers labor far from their bosses and thus beyond their control — but shriven of the autonomy and dignity that working from home once afforded:

https://doctorow.medium.com/gig-work-is-the-opposite-of-steampunk-463e2730ef0d

The rise and rise of bossware — which allows for remote surveillance of workers in their homes and cars — has turned “work from home” into “live at work.” Reverse centaurs can now be chickenized — a term from labor economics that describes how poultry farmers, who sell their birds to one of three vast poultry processors who have divided up the country like the Pope dividing up the “New World,” are uniquely exploited:

https://onezero.medium.com/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs-b2e8d5cda826

A chickenized reverse centaur has it rough: they must pay for the machines they use to make money for their bosses, they must obey the orders of the app that controls their work, and they are denied any of the protections that a traditional worker might enjoy, even as they are prohibited from deploying digital self-help measures that let them twiddle back to bargain for a better wage.

All of this sets the stage for a phenomenon called algorithmic wage discrimination, in which two workers doing the same job under the same conditions will see radically different payouts for that work. These payouts are continuously tweaked in the background by an algorithm that tries to predict the minimum sum a worker will accept to remain available without payment, to ensure sufficient workers to pick up jobs as they arise.

This phenomenon — and proposed policy and labor solutions to it — is expertly analyzed in “On Algorithmic Wage Discrimination,” a superb paper by UC Law San Franciscos Veena Dubal:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4331080

Dubal uses empirical data and enthnographic accounts from Uber drivers and other gig workers to explain how endless, self-directed twiddling allows gig companies pay workers less and pay themselves more. As @[email protected] explains in his LA Times article on Dubal’s research, the goal of the payment algorithm is to guess how often a given driver needs to receive fair compensation in order to keep them driving when the payments are unfair:

https://www.latimes.com/business/technology/story/2023-04-11/algorithmic-wage-discrimination

The algorithm combines nonconsensual dossiers compiled on individual drivers with population-scale data to seek an equilibrium between keeping drivers waiting, unpaid, for a job; and how much a driver needs to be paid for an individual job, in order to keep that driver from clocking out and doing something else. @ Here’s how that works. Sergio Avedian, a writer for The Rideshare Guy, ran an experiment with two brothers who both drove for Uber; one drove a Tesla and drove intermittently, the other brother rented a hybrid sedan and drove frequently. Sitting side-by-side with the brothers, Avedian showed how the brother with the Tesla was offered more for every trip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UADTiL3S67I

Uber wants to lure intermittent drivers into becoming frequent drivers. Uber doesn’t pay for an oversupply of drivers, because it only pays drivers when they have a passenger in the car. Having drivers on call — but idle — is a way for Uber to shift the cost of maintaining a capacity cushion to its workers.

What’s more, what Uber charges customers is not based on how much it pays its workers. As Uber’s head of product explained: Uber uses “machine-learning techniques to estimate how much groups of customers are willing to shell out for a ride. Uber calculates riders’ propensity for paying a higher price for a particular route at a certain time of day. For instance, someone traveling from a wealthy neighborhood to another tony spot might be asked to pay more than another person heading to a poorer part of town, even if demand, traffic and distance are the same.”

https://qz.com/990131/uber-is-practicing-price-discrimination-economists-say-that-might-not-be-a-bad-thing/

Uber has historically described its business a pure supply-and-demand matching system, where a rush of demand for rides triggers surge pricing, which lures out drivers, which takes care of the demand. That’s not how it works today, and it’s unclear if it ever worked that way. Today, a driver who consults the rider version of the Uber app before accepting a job — to compare how much the rider is paying to how much they stand to earn — is booted off the app and denied further journeys.

Surging, instead, has become just another way to twiddle drivers. One of Dubal’s subjects, Derrick, describes how Uber uses fake surges to lure drivers to airports: “You go to the airport, once the lot get kind of full, then the surge go away.” Other drivers describe how they use groupchats to call out fake surges: “I’m in the Marina. It’s dead. Fake surge.”

That’s pure twiddling. Twiddling turns gamification into gamblification, where your labor buys you a spin on a roulette wheel in a rigged casino. As a driver called Melissa, who had doubled down on her availability to earn a $100 bonus awarded for clocking a certain number of rides, told Dubal, “When you get close to the bonus, the rides start trickling in more slowly…. And it makes sense. It’s really the type of shit that they can do when it’s okay to have a surplus labor force that is just sitting there that they don’t have to pay for.”

Wherever you find reverse-centaurs, you get this kind of gamblification, where the rules are twiddled continuously to make sure that the house always wins. As a contract driver Amazon reverse centaur told Lauren Gurley for Motherboard, “Amazon uses these cameras allegedly to make sure they have a safer driving workforce, but they’re actually using them not to pay delivery companies”:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/88npjv/amazons-ai-cameras-are-punishing-drivers-for-mistakes-they-didnt-make

Algorithmic wage discrimination is the robot overlord of our nightmares: its job is to relentlessly quest for vulnerabilities and exploit them. Drivers divide themselves into “ants” (drivers who take every job) and “pickers” (drivers who cherry-pick high-paying jobs). The algorithm’s job is ensuring that pickers get the plum assignments, not the ants, in the hopes of converting those pickers to app-dependent ants.

In my work on enshittification, I call this the “giant teddy bear” gambit. At every county fair, you’ll always spot some poor jerk carrying around a giant teddy-bear they “won” on the midway. But they didn’t win it — not by getting three balls in the peach-basket. Rather, the carny running the rigged game either chose not to operate the “scissor” that kicks balls out of the basket. Or, if the game is “honest” (that is, merely impossible to win, rather than gimmicked), the operator will make a too-good-to-refuse offer: “Get one ball in and I’ll give you this keychain. Win two keychains and I’ll let you trade them for this giant teddy bear.”

Carnies aren’t in the business of giving away giant teddy bears — rather, the gambit is an investment. Giving a mark a giant teddy bear to carry around the midway all day acts as a convincer, luring other marks to try to land three balls in the basket and win their own teddy bear.

In the same way, platforms like Uber distribute giant teddy bears to pickers, as a way of keeping the ants scurrying from job to job, and as a way of convincing the pickers to give up whatever work allows them to discriminate among Uber’s offers and hold out for the plum deals, whereupon then can be transmogrified into ants themselves.

Dubal describes the experience of Adil, a Syrian refugee who drives for Uber in the Bay Area. His colleagues are pickers, and showed him screenshots of how much they earned. Determined to get a share of that money, Adil became a model ant, driving two hours to San Francisco, driving three days straight, napping in his car, spending only one day per week with his family. The algorithm noticed that Adil needed the work, so it paid him less.

Adil responded the way the system predicted he would, by driving even more: “My friends they make it, so I keep going, maybe I can figure it out. It’s unsecure, and I don’t know how people they do it. I don’t know how I am doing it, but I have to. I mean, I don’t find another option. In a minute, if I find something else, oh man, I will be out immediately. I am a very patient person, that’s why I can continue.”

Another driver, Diego, told Dubal about how the winners of the giant teddy bears fell into the trap of thinking that they were “good at the app”: “Any time there’s some big shot getting high pay outs, they always shame everyone else and say you don’t know how to use the app. I think there’s secret PR campaigns going on that gives targeted payouts to select workers, and they just think it’s all them.”

That’s the power of twiddling: by hoarding all the flexibility offered by digital tools, the management at platforms can become centaurs, able to string along thousands of workers, while the workers are reverse-centaurs, puppeteered by the apps.

As the example of Adil shows, the algorithm doesn’t need to be very sophisticated in order to figure out which workers it can underpay. The system automates the kind of racial and gender discrimination that is formally illegal, but which is masked by the smokescreen of digitization. An employer who systematically paid women less than men, or Black people less than white people, would be liable to criminal and civil sanctions. But if an algorithm simply notices that people who have fewer job prospects drive more and will thus accept lower wages, that’s just “optimization,” not racism or sexism.

This is the key to understanding the AI hype bubble: when ghouls from multinational banks predict 13 trillion dollar markets for “AI,” what they mean is that digital tools will speed up the twiddling and other wage-suppression techniques to transfer $13T in value from workers and consumers to shareholders.

The American business lobby is relentlessly focused on the goal of reducing wages. That’s the force behind “free trade,” “right to work,” and other codewords for “paying workers less,” including “gig work.” Tech workers long saw themselves as above this fray, immune to labor exploitation because they worked for a noble profession that took care of its own.

But the epidemic of mass tech-worker layoffs, following on the heels of massive stock buybacks, has demonstrated that tech bosses are just like any other boss: willing to pay as little as they can get away with, and no more. Tech bosses are so comfortable with their market dominance and the lock-in of their customers that they are happy to turn out hundreds of thousands of skilled workers, convinced that the twiddling systems they’ve built are the kinds of self-licking ice-cream cones that are so simple even a manager can use them — no morlocks required.

The tech worker layoffs are best understood as an all-out war on tech worker morale, because that morale is the source of tech workers’ confidence and thus their demands for a larger share of the value generated by their labor. The current tech layoff template is very different from previous tech layoffs: today’s layoffs are taking place over a period of months, long after they are announced, and laid off tech worker is likely to be offered a months of paid post-layoff work, rather than severance. This means that tech workplaces are now haunted by the walking dead, workers who have been laid off but need to come into the office for months, even as the threat of layoffs looms over the heads of the workers who remain. As an old friend, recently laid off from Microsoft after decades of service, wrote to me, this is “a new arrow in the quiver of bringing tech workers to heel and ensuring that we’re properly thankful for the jobs we have (had?).”

Dubal is interested in more than analysis, she’s interested in action. She looks at the tactics already deployed by gig workers, who have not taken all this abuse lying down. Workers in the UK and EU organized through Worker Info Exchange and the App Drivers and Couriers Union have used the GDPR (the EU’s privacy law) to demand “algorithmic transparency,” as well as access to their data. In California, drivers hope to use similar provisions in the CCPA (a state privacy law) to do the same.

These efforts have borne fruit. When Cornell economists, led by Louis Hyman, published research (paid for by Uber) claiming that Uber drivers earned an average of $23/hour, it was data from these efforts that revealed the true average Uber driver’s wage was $9.74. Subsequent research in California found that Uber drivers’ wage fell to $6.22/hour after the passage of Prop 22, a worker misclassification law that gig companies spent $225m to pass, only to have the law struck down because of a careless drafting error:

https://www.latimes.com/california/newsletter/2021-08-23/proposition-22-lyft-uber-decision-essential-california

But Dubal is skeptical that data-coops and transparency will achieve transformative change and build real worker power. Knowing how the algorithm works is useful, but it doesn’t mean you can do anything about it, not least because the platform owners can keep touching their knobs, twiddling the payout schedule on their rigged slot-machines.

Data co-ops start from the proposition that “data extraction is an inevitable form of labor for which workers should be remunerated.” It makes on-the-job surveillance acceptable, provided that workers are compensated for the spying. But co-ops aren’t unions, and they don’t have the power to bargain for a fair price for that data, and coops themselves lack the vast resources — “to store, clean, and understand” — data.

Co-ops are also badly situated to understand the true value of the data that is extracted from their members: “Workers cannot know whether the data collected will, at the population level, violate the civil rights of others or amplifies their own social oppression.”

Instead, Dubal wants an outright, nonwaivable prohibition on algorithmic wage discrimination. Just make it illegal. If firms cannot use gambling mechanisms to control worker behavior through variable pay systems, they will have to find ways to maintain flexible workforces while paying their workforce predictable wages under an employment model. If a firm cannot manage wages through digitally-determined variable pay systems, then the firm is less likely to employ algorithmic management.”

In other words, rather than using market mechanisms too constrain platform twiddling, Dubal just wants to make certain kinds of twiddling illegal. This is a growing trend in legal scholarship. For example, the economist Ramsi Woodcock has proposed a ban on surge pricing as a per se violation of Section 1 of the Sherman Act:

https://ilr.law.uiowa.edu/print/volume-105-issue-4/the-efficient-queue-and-the-case-against-dynamic-pricing

Similarly, Dubal proposes that algorithmic wage discrimination violates another antitrust law: the Robinson-Patman Act, which “bans sellers from charging competing buyers different prices for the same commodity. Robinson-Patman enforcement was effectively halted under Reagan, kicking off a host of pathologies, like the rise of Walmart:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/27/walmarts-jackals/#cheater-sizes

I really liked Dubal’s legal reasoning and argument, and to it I would add a call to reinvigorate countertwiddling: reforming laws that get in the way of workers who want to reverse-engineer, spoof, and control the apps that currently control them. Adversarial interoperability (AKA competitive compatibility or comcom) is key tool for building worker power in an era of digital Taylorism:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/10/adversarial-interoperability

To see how that works, look to other jursidictions where workers have leapfrogged their European and American cousins, such as Indonesia, where gig workers and toolsmiths collaborate to make a whole suite of “tuyul apps,” which let them override the apps that gig companies expect them to use.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/08/tuyul-apps/#gojek

For example, ride-hailing companies won’t assign a train-station pickup to a driver unless they’re circling the station — which is incredibly dangerous during the congested moments after a train arrives. A tuyul app lets a driver park nearby and then spoof their phone’s GPS fix to the ridehailing company so that they appear to be right out front of the station.

In an ideal world, those workers would have a union, and be able to dictate the app’s functionality to their bosses. But workers shouldn’t have to wait for an ideal world: they don’t just need jam tomorrow — they need jam today. Tuyul apps, and apps like Para, which allow workers to extract more money under better working conditions, are a prelude to unionization and employer regulation, not a substitute for it.

Employers will not give workers one iota more power than they have to. Just look at the asymmetry between the regulation of union employees versus union busters. Under US law, employees of a union need to account for every single hour they work, every mile they drive, every location they visit, in public filings. Meanwhile, the union-busting industry — far larger and richer than unions — operate under a cloak of total secrecy, Workers aren’t even told which union busters their employers have hired — let alone get an accounting of how those union busters spend money, or how many of them are working undercover, pretending to be workers in order to sabotage the union.

Twiddling will only get an employer so far. Twiddling — like all “AI” — is based on analyzing the past to predict the future. The heuristics an algorithm creates to lure workers into their cars can’t account for rapid changes in the wider world, which is why companies who relied on “AI” scheduling apps (for example, to prevent their employees from logging enough hours to be entitled to benefits) were caught flatfooted by the Great Resignation.

Workers suddenly found themselves with bargaining power thanks to the departure of millions of workers — a mix of early retirees and workers who were killed or permanently disabled by covid — and they used that shortage to demand a larger share of the fruits of their labor. The outraged howls of the capital class at this development were telling: these companies are operated by the kinds of “capitalists” that MLK once identified, who want “socialism for the rich and rugged individualism for the poor.”

https://twitter.com/KaseyKlimes/status/821836823022354432/

There's only 5 days left in the Kickstarter campaign for the audiobook of my next novel, a post-cyberpunk anti-finance finance thriller about Silicon Valley scams called Red Team Blues. Amazon's Audible refuses to carry my audiobooks because they're DRM free, but crowdfunding makes them possible.

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tunatoge · 11 months ago

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hiii !! i was just wondering if you could do an alternative ending to "take a slice - s. gojo x reader"? like reader books the tickets then they leave without saying goodbye? (up to you if you wanna add comfort) i would really appreciate if you accept this request, but if you dont wanna do it its fine !! remember to eat, sleep and drink, stay safe !!

hehe of course!! :D i hope you, too, also remember to eat, sleep, and drink water!!! happy new year, love!! ty for the req and i hope u enjoy !!

pairing: teen!gojo x teen!reader

contents: alternate ending to my drabble here!! picks up where reader hesitates to book tickets, kind of angsty (not too good at angst, but still kinda sad)

you sit in your dark and nearly empty dorm room with your laptop propped up on your knees. you have the cheapest plane tickets pulled up on the screen as you gnaw on your fingernails, wondering if this is really what you want to do.

for nearly thirty thousand yen you could get a flight to the incheon international airport and away from your life as a jujutsu sorcerer. you know it wouldn’t last long until the higher ups found you in korea but you were ready to get even a little shred of normal, domestic living. right now, you couldn’t handle being a sorcerer after suguru’s defection and haibara’s death. you wanted out.

your cursor hovers over the ‘complete transaction’ button as you think about how easy it would be to run away and how difficult it would be to restart your life. it’d be easier to stick around with satoru and shoko but you can’t seem to find it in yourself to want to. it’s tempting to throw everything you know away and restart from the beginning. you could finally think about dating someone without endangering them, or adopting a pet without potentially leaving it owner-less after an ill timed death.

with a sharp breath, you confirm your transaction and watch as the website reloads before redirecting you to another page showing you your itinerary. you scramble out of bed and chuck a handful of oyur clothes into a large duffel and shove your laptop into your backpack. by the time you’re done, your room looks exactly the same but when you squint… your heart falls into your stomach at how sad and dark your room looks.

hopefully, you think, satoru and shoko don’t notice how empty your closet is when they come looking for you in the morning.

you leave your room, shutting the door with a soft click and padding down the hallway, your shoes in one hand and your duffel in the other. you stop by shoko’s room, listening from outside the door as she shifts in her sleep. you bite down on your lip as tears pool in your eyes, you realize you don’t have time to visit satoru’s room briefly. not when it’s so hugely plausible he would hear you and beg you to stay. not when you would end up agreeing and staying, just for him.

when you leave the dormitory, the sky is still dark and the air is breezy. your breath comes out in quick gentle puffs, the way suguru and shoko’s breath would when they would smoke cigarettes with each other. you grit your teeth and approach an auxiliary manager who waits standing next to a black car, the door already open. you greet them softly and tiredly as you load your things into the car and take a seat in the back.

as you turn your head to look out the window, satoru and shoko stand in the dormitory doorway. shoko is dressed in her pajamas, the loose fabric of her pants billowing around her ankles, and satoru is dressed in a pair of shorts and a thick gray hoodie. his glasses are gone and he stares at you through the window, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. you think you see a tear slide down his wind-bitten cheeks.

“would you like to stay?” the auxiliary manager asks you, watching you through the rearview mirror.

“no,” you whisper softly, the single word spreading fog across the car window, “i have a flight to catch.”

they don’t respond and instead put the car into drive, letting you quietly watch as satoru and shoko’s bodies melt away into the background.

#vians.scribbs #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #gojo satoru x you #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader angst #gojo satoru x reader angst #satoru gojo x reader #jjk x reader angst #vians.asks

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aerbiscuit · 8 months ago

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Has anyone else seen those pictures of the proposed double-decker airplane seats? I swear that they're just a few design tweaks away from being perfect for fart-fetish scenarios. Like, the airlines are already thinking up stuff like to this to plan for cheaper economy seating. In fart fetish land, I can see an even CHEAPER airline making the upper seat have less of a "barrier" between the face of the person in the lower seat, all in the name of saving money.

I can't help but imagine someone who needs to get somewhere last-minute, so they book one of the last, cheapest tickets on the cheapest flight available, which is unfortunately the lower half of a new, cheap double-decker seat. It's only when the person above them takes a seat that this traveler realizes that this flight really skimped out on reinforcing the upper seats: they can even see the back of the upper person's jeans through gaps in the chair.

And right in the middle of leaning forward to observe just how much of the other traveler's ass our protagonist can see, the upper traveler lets out the first of many strong farts, which easily slip through the gaps of the chair and onto the helpless person below.

This is going to be a long flight.

(God do I want to write a full story about this but I just DON'T have the time)

#eprocto #eproctophilia #fart kink #farting #oni thoughts

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stardust-swan · 2 years ago

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How to Fly Like a Hollywood Star - Part 2: Before the Airport and At the Airport

[Part 1 - Packing]

Before the Airport

🛩 If booking flight tickets online, use incognito mode. Airline websites use cookies to adjust the prices of tickets, so if you visit a website often, the price will be more expensive. Using incognito mode prevents this.

🛩 You can't book tickets through this site, but it tells you who has the cheapest fares.

🛩 Flight Connections can be your best friend when booking flights.

🛩 Be careful with low budget airlines. The tickets may be cheap, but they try and make you pay through the nose for every else, like food, checked bags, seat assignments, etc.

🛩 First flights of the day are always your best bets in terms of availability and options if you get bumped, at least on major routes. If you have two options to take a leg always plan to take the first one I.e. Ten seats on the 7am departure is far more likely than ten seats on the 9am. People oversleep, people change their flights, people get stuck in traffic, etc.

🛩 Study what type of plane you'll be on prior to booking seats. Business class will nearly always have only two seats per row, but on some big jets, economy class will have two seats towards the back of the plane. This is because the plane narrows there. This is good, because there's extra space next to you on the floor if you're in the window seat, and you won't be in the dreaded middle seat. Be aware that some planes have the latrine next to that aisle (but sometimes it's the galley, so you'll have the aroma of fresh coffee near you throughout the entire flight). You can find a map of your flight's seats here.

🛩 Get window or aisle seats if you can. Aisle seats are better if you need to pee a lot, but the downside is that you'll have to get up for other people in your row. Window seats are good for not being disturbed, but you'll have to ask people in your row to move if you need the toilet. Avoid middle seats if possible, there's no benefit to them.

🛩 Get business class tickets if you can. On some airlines they're only a little bit more expensive than economy, and the experience is so much better.

🛩 Sometimes, saying you're a doctor can get you upgraded ahead of others. So try your luck and fill out the "Title" section with "Dr" when you fly.

🛩 Bring a powerbank for your phone, just in case your phone battery dies. The flight may not have a charging outlet, and they can be difficult to find in an airport, which is a nightmare if you have your boarding pass or vaccination proof on your phone.

🛩 Take a screenshot of the airport map, your boarding pass, and vaccine cert just in case you have difficulties accessing the airport WiFi. Make a photocopy of your passport and keep it in your luggage.

🛩 Download some music ahead of your flight (this app is the best for downloading music if you're an android user), and bring something to read on board. Use Library Genesis to download any books you want to read on an electronic device offline.

🛩 Take a picture of your luggage in case it gets lost.

🛩 If your luggage gets lost, in many places airlines are obligated to pay you compensation, so don't just let it slide. Use this site to get compensation (going directly to the airline may cause them to do the runaround so you won't get anything). Keep the receipts of clothing, toiletries, etc, you bought and claim. If you're don't fly often, buy stuff with the assumption you won't get your claim. If you do fly frequently, then you can begin buying expensive items, and they don't complain.

🛩 If you're in the EU and something goes wrong with your flight, check this website to find out your rights.

🛩 Check your phone coverage abroad. Most big carriers have programs where you can pay by the day for international access (between like $2 and $10 depending on country) but international roaming fees are terrible if you forget to activate an international plan. Get a prepaid cellphone sim card if possible.

🛩 Make sure you call your bank/credit card company to authorize your cards for use abroad. Check what the international transaction fees are. Consider getting some cash in the currency of your destination before you go. Major banks will have it on hand, most others can order it for you.

At the Airport

🛩 Dress smartly, for example, a neat pair of jeans, white shirt, and well-cut blazer or cardigan. Don't dress like you're at the beach, in shorts and sandals. The air conditioning is often cranked up at airports and planes are usually cold because of the air vents, so you'll be chilly, and it's impractical if there's an emergency and you need to evacuate. Instead, wear layers. Not too many, as it's a pain taking them off when going through security, but it's good to wear a warm cardigan just in case you're freezing, which you can take off if the heating in the airport is too high (London Heathrow is always boiling hot in my experience). Avoid gym gear; it belongs in the gym (this applies to all situations, not just flying). If you're wearing sneakers, wear trim ones, not clunky running shoes. If you're lucky, dressing smartly might bump you up a class, and you'll never know when you might meet a person in a high position at the airport, or sat next to you in business class.

🛩 Go to the airport as early as you can. Sometimes, checking in very early can get you bumped up to spare seats in a higher class.

🛩 Once you go through security, you can't get out again (unless you want to go through security a second time). Don't leave the secure area (usually, if you're going in the direction of baggage claim, you're headed out).

🛩 If you get lost in the airport, don't hesitate to ask the staff for help.

🛩 If the airport is huge, you can generally use Google Maps on your phone if you don't know where to go.

🛩 Don't trust anyone who offers to carry your bags.

🛩 Be aware of your important belongings in the airport. They’re generally safe, but if your brain is in a million places at once it’s easy to misplace little impossible things (phone, wallet, passport, ticket, etc.).

🛩 When transferring flights, go to your next flight immediately. It may take you longer to get there than you expect.

🛩 If you miss your connecting flight, the airline will rebook you. There will be a line to wait in or a number to call for details if this happens.

🛩 Listen to the overhead announcements, as airlines might not always text if there's a change to your flight or a gate change.

🛩 If you have a long wait in the airport, get up and walk around every few hours. Or explore the city you're in if you feel comfortable.

🛩 Some airports have yoga rooms, art exhibits, etc. Make use of them if you have time.

🛩 Food is more expensive in airports, so if you're on a budget, try to eat before you go, or bring snacks. However, buying snacks in the airport is still less expensive than on the plane. On many airlines, if you fly business class, snacks and drinks are complimentary, so check ahead of time on the airline's meal policy.

🛩 If you have access to the lounge, you'll be able to shower, which can be very refreshing during a long day of running around.

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kickinganddriving · 2 years ago

Text

Message in a bottle part 2

Notes: This was really an in between fic but the anticipation is killing me and i’m the one writing it!

paring: christian pulisic x reader

warnings: cussing and procrastination

wc: 2.2k

part 1, 3

“Hey Christian, how are you? Um, I don't really know how to say this or even if you feel the same way but… um, I really like you, but not in the friend way, and I don’t want this to affect our friendship in any way if you don't like me back. But yea call me when you get this” BEEP.

'Cause you could be the one that I love

I could be the one that you dream of

Message in a bottle is all I can do

Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you

You could be the one that I keep, and I

Could be the reason you can't sleep at night

Message in a bottle is all I can do

Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you

Christian had replayed this voicemail around 3 times, sinking into his couch every time he heard your voice. He is exhilarated to the place where he doesn’t know how to respond. The one thing he’s wanted for the last 3 months just happened. He was paralyzed with happiness, that all he could seem to do was hit replay as many times as he could. He was about to call you back but then he heard the honk of a car horn, signaling that Mason was here to pick him up for training, sadly a grueling double session, which meant he would have to wait a bit longer before he could call you back.

Your pov:

There were too many thoughts going through your head, it was 2 am, and you haven’t gotten a wink of sleep. Thankfully tomorrow, or actually today was your last day of classes before winter break. You couldn’t bear waiting. You then found yourself opening your laptop and looking at flights to Heathrow international airport. At that point in time you had already made up your mind, all you needed to do was get Katie on board in case shit went south.

You had walked across the hallway and lightly knocked on your roommate's door. “Katie, are you still up?” you whispered as you cracked the door open.

“What do you want?” She grumply says, seeing that you did disturb her peaceful rest.

“Um.. I was wondering if you wanted to go to London with me tomorrow after you're done with classes?”

“What?!? Wait.. are you going to talk to him?” She says suddenly jumping out of bed in excitement.

“Yep, and since you and Ben are a thing I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go see him…”

“YES! Immediately yes! They have a game the day after tomorrow, I can see if Ben can get us last minute tickets so you can surprise Christian at the game!”

“So should I get the tickets?!?”

“Yes dumbass! Get the tickets and go get your man!”

With a rush of something, you went to your room and booked the 2 cheapest tickets you could find, even though love is strong, brokenness if forever <3. After you booked the tickets you let out a nice, loud, yawn signaling it's time to go to bed.

You woke up with the sun shining through the windows of your room, and you completely forgot that you had to pack, and you didn’t book a return flight… well you would figure the return flight part eventually. You got ready to go to your classes for the day, thankfully all of your classes are fairly close to each other so you could just pack for the day and head out.

When you were walking out of your room you passed by Katie. “Hey what time is our flight at, and when are we coming back?” She said knowing the heavy lack of planning that you had done for this trip.

“Um.. the flight is at 5:45 so we have to leave at like 4 ish, and I didn’t book a return flight. If it doesn't work out for me, I think I'll come back. But you should definitely stay so you can spend time with Ben if it doesn't work out for me. But we both have to be back by the end of break.” you respond back.

“Ok, what time do you end class at?”

“3-ish, what time does yours end?”

“Same time, oh shit you're gonna be late for class. Go!” With your best friend rushing you out of your shared apartment, you booked it to class.

These days I'm restless

Work days are endless

Look how you've made me, made me

But time moves faster

Replaying your laughter

Disaster

During the duration of all of your classes, you felt that time couldn’t have moved slower. All you could think about was Christian what might happen if shit goes downhill while you were there. You somehow made it through your first class without falling asleep or crying, but when you were walking to your second class you got a notification from your Photos app. It had been 3 months since you had taken a video of you and Christian waking Katie and Ben up on the couch after they fell asleep while watching a movie. Christian had drawn with a sharpie on their faces and they both looked ridiculous. After you woke up, in the background of the video all you could hear was Christians laughter.

That was a sound you could honestly listen to for the rest of your life, so while you sat through the rest of your classes the day went by way faster, just imagining him smiling and laughing made an hour feel like 5 minutes. After you finished up with your classes, you made your way home where you started to pack. You were peacefully listening to the best album ever created, aka Reputation by Taylor Swift, before your roommate barges into your bedroom and says “We got tickets and they are close to Chelsea’s bench and if he doesn’t see you he will need to get his eyes checked!”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Tell Ben that I will also say thank you!”

From your roommate's phone you hear a British voice saying “It's no biggie, now go get Christian so he can stop being such a negative nelly.”

But from the background you could hear a very similar voice saying “What about me Chilly?” You can assume that Ben abruptly hung up.

All you wanted to do was sing “Honey, Honey” by Abba at the top of your lungs. Thankfully your roommate could basically read your mind, so there you were screaming Honey, Honey at the top of your lungs with your best friend, hours away from seeing the man you love.

…wait… love?

You somehow managed to get fully packed and at the airport on time? But you were sure you forgot to pack one of your left shoes, but yolo. Running to your gate, you and Katie were the last people to board, but you had just enough time to check in with Ben and tell him that you were boarded and about to take off.

How is it in London? (London)

Where are you while I'm wonderin' (wonderin')

If I'll ever see you again?

That flight was singlehandedly the longest ten hours of your life, you were too nervous to sleep, and too anxious to watch a movie. But your roommate on the other hand slept like the perfect angel she was. Oh to be Katie. After the longest nine hours of your life, you were relieved to hear the chime of the captain's speaker, to find out you would land in one hour.

After Katie finally woke up, you game planned.

Katie said “We landed at around 5 am-ish, and Ben said he could pick us up.”

“That’s way too nice of him, we could just get a cab.” You exclaim.

“What can I say, you and Christian are our OTP, but in real life.”

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” you respond back.

‘Yes, but now go tell it to Christian before I pull my hair out of my scalp”

“You're too funny, what time is the game?”

“It’s at two, but we have to leave at around 12:45-sh because apparently traffic gets really bad on game day.” Katie says.

“Are we going by ourselves?”

“Yeah, Ben has to go in early, but he’s going to try and see us before the game starts”

“Bless that man's heart he is TOO good for this world” you say grateful for all the help Katie and Ben have given you.

You knew that you were about to descend when you saw the seatbelt sign go up, and the flight attendants started to roam the pathways of the aircraft. Even though you probably weren't going to see Christian for 12 hours, you could still not hide your excitement. Beaming with a smile while walking through customs, and baggage claim, it was Katie’s turn to be happy. The smile you were wearing immediately transferred to her when she saw Ben for the first time in months.

You couldn’t help but giggle when you saw her run and jump into his arms. That’s what you wanted, that what you hopefully had. After a solid minute, Ben put her down as his attention transferred to you as he gave you a friendly squeeze.

“I swear to god if you chicken out last minute I might commit arson or worse” You heard a familiar english accent say.

“I pinky promise I won’t” you respond back with a chuckle.

The three of you loaded up in the car, as you ran through the game plan one more time and caught up on general stuff. After a 15 minute drive you reach a very nice, very big apartment. You were never going to get used to the “What they make in a year is way more than what your life insurance check is”. Luckily you all had enough time to take a quick power nap before the day would have actually begun.

Once you woke up you checked your phone for the first time in 13 hours, to see 2 missed calls from Christian, but no voicemails. You called him back with no answer, and decided to just wait till you could see him face to face to talk to him. After Ben left for training you had a few hours to explore London, so you did just that, you and Katie fulfilled all of your Paddington dreams.

But when the clock struck 11, you knew it was time to go get ready for the game. So when Katie and yourself made it back to Ben’s apartment, Katie disappeared into Ben’s room and re-appeared holding two Chelsea jerseys. One with Ben’s last name, and one with Christian. You obviously knew which jersey you were supposed to be wearing. So after that was situated, and you both were finally ready, you called an uber and the waiting game began.

After much traffic, you managed to get to Stamford Bridge at around 11:45, with just enough time for Ben to sneak out to wish you one more word of luck. Katie and yourself took your designated seats and as you saw that brunette you oh so loved, you knew all of the waiting would be worth it. Though you were disappointed by the death of the frosty tips, you appreciated full beard and perm Christian.

You could tell today’s game was going to be a bit rough, but you had hope, and well, that’s all you could really have from the sidelines. Right before the first whistle blew, Ben turned to you and Katie and gave you a thumbs up sign, and then they were off.

The game was truly a back and forth until around the 60th minute when the Chelsea keep got the ball all the way down to Christian and he took off running so fast that it was only the Liverpool keep in his way. All it took was one simple chip of the ball and the crowd erupted into cheers. Next thing you know he managed to knee slide very close to where you were sitting, you thought you might’ve made very brief eye contact with him before he went off running to his team.

You continued to pay rigorous attention to the game until you heard the last whistle, Chelsea won 1-0! The crowd was even louder than before, and you managed to sneak out before the crowd flooded the hallways. You ran into Kai’s girlfriend while getting some water, and she must have recognized you and Katie from one of Christian’s instagram posts.

“Hi! You must be y/n and Katie! I’m Kai’s girlfriend Sofia.”

“Hi, it’s very nice to meet you!” you amicably reply.

“So, Ben told me to show you both to where we wait for the boy’s, so just follow me!” she says with her light german accent.

“So Ben got you involved in this too? That man is dedicated.” you say in exasperation.

“We all are exhausted from seeing Christian mope around everywhere, and apparently you are the solution to that problem.” Sophia responds back with.

“Amen to that” Katie says with a laugh.

The three of you made it there just in time as you saw the boys slowly pour out from the door in front of you. A familiar face popped out and signaled that he was coming, as Ben slowly disappeared back behind the door. If rejection doesn’t kill you, it will be the anticipation.

taglist: @pulisicsgirl @noeesd19 @she-lives-in-her-dreams @jayrami3 @brkic @girlmeetsposts @ruby4ever4 @lizzypotter14 @neverinadream @kepamount @christian-pulisic @thoseboysinblue @breakablehcaven @julianalvarez9

if you want to be tagged please reply and i’ll be sure to do that in part 3.

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic fics #christian pulisic fluff

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runwayrunway · 1 year ago

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No. 27 - Airline Alliances (oneworld, SkyTeam, and Star Alliance)

@imjustanobsessedjew asked me to follow up on my thoughts on airline alliance liveries, so I'm here to do that.

I struggle to find a good way to describe airline alliances. Examples I've pondered over and ultimately rejected on some or other technicality include fraternities, record labels, and TikToker content houses. But maybe it doesn't matter. I'm not here to talk about how they function broadly. It's not important to this post that you can use American Airlines miles to get tickets on flights operated by British Airways.

Generally, member airlines will have a symbol from their alliance painted on their planes. I showed an example in my SAS post of the Star Alliance logo on an airframe (center), but here are examples for the other two: an Aeroflot plane wearing the SkyTeam symbol (left) and an Iberia plane with a very, very small oneworld logo (right).

But sometimes this isn't enough for them. The three major airline alliances have a habit of painting planes in special alliance liveries. Because who cares if you're flying on Delta, XiamenAir, Kenya Airways, or TAROM - what's important is that they're part of SkyTeam.

I sort of just don't understand the purpose. I don't think anyone is going to see a Star Alliance livery and think "wow, I am reminded to specifically spend my money with these 26 otherwise completely unrelated airlines!" because that's...that's just really silly. While airline alliances can make it a lot easier to use frequent flier miles and neatly book multi-leg trips on the passenger's end, I've always been under the impression that these must do more for the airlines than they do for the end consumer, because otherwise they probably wouldn't exist. I'm not sure what the need is to advertise them to someone who has no say in their existence and probably picks their flights based on what Google tells them is cheapest anyway. Nobody has, like, brand loyalty to alliances, and there's no reason they should, since their member airlines will offer wildly different qualities of service and cover entirely different regions of the world.

So why the special liveries? Is it a hazing ritual? I can't really imagine what benefit they might offer over just putting your symbol somewhere else on the plane. Some kid sitting in the window seat of a plane that's delayed by an hour at a massive airport isn't even going to notice or care about a SkyTeam livery, and I honestly really should have put airline alliances on the questionnaire in some form because I'm not sure how many people know or care that they exist. I don't understand the point, and the only thing I do understand, really, is that I hate it when airlines which have gone through the trouble of designing their own livery, even if that livery is terrible, would then paint a plane in a way which makes it interchangeable with everything else on the tarmac. But they're fully developed (mostly) liveries, so they're the sort of thing I'm here to talk about. Without further ado: SkyTeam, oneworld, and Star Alliance.

oneworld goes first because it's a bit different from the others. (Yes, the correct way to write it, as seen in all company literature, is with the first half bolded.) oneworld was founded in February of 1999 and is the third-largest of the major alliances.

Currently, there are thirteen active oneworld members, shown above, plus their regional subsidiaries; S7 Airlines is currently suspended, as is the case for all Russia-based airlines in major alliances, and Oman Air will be joining the alliance by the end of 2024. Fiji Airways is also nominally involved as a 'connect partner', which as far as I can tell means situational benefits from the alliance when working with its member airlines. It feels like they're scrambling for a foothold a little despite having some absolute powerhouses among their ranks because they keep getting their members bought out by other alliances and/or merged into each other. I think I prefer it that way.

To begin with, the logo is atrocious. Blue-to-white airhrush gradient circle with big yucky sans serif lettering, half of which is bold and half of which is standard width, which leaves you unable to tell which half you hate more. This logo is really painfully early '00s website and not in the cute nostalgic way. It's not stylized in a way that provokes nostalgia, it's just so inept that it could fit in during the era where web design wasn't really a field that had been fully invented yet.

But as a livery, it's sort of hard to review. A oneworld paint job changes less than the average logojet.

I'm not entirely sure if I can even consider this a special livery. It's just an extra line of text. Ugly text, sure, but I wouldn't call it a different design. This doesn't change the fact that you can immediately recognize these as an S7 plane and a Cathay Pacific plane because none of their livery is fundamentally changed.

There's just a limited amount I can say about what's a glorified sticker. RAM gets to keep its nice little swirlies, all is right with the world, they get to keep the normal text on their other planes, this is not a big deal. Maybe they keep losing members because they can't tell them apart from other planes in the airport without a big, all-encompassing custom livery to make a select few unlucky planes airline-ambiguous. oneworld, more like...dumbworld.

Moving on in alphabetical order, SkyTeam is the second largest of the alliances.

SkyTeam has 20 members: the above pictured, plus Aeroflot, which is temporarily suspended for the aforementioned Russian reasons. It also has its own elaborate system of 'associates' and 'affiliates', and a dedicated cargo alliance, SkyTeam Cargo.

I actually enjoy the SkyTeam logo. The wordmark is just a yucky thin monospace sans serif, but they have that nice flourishy design that's aesthetically pleasing and easy to recognize, and I can't knock that.

Still, this is where we get into proper airline alliance liveries. You have to zoom in pretty close to tell that the above planes are TAROM on the right and Korean Air on the left. I didn't have to specify, when covering oneworld, that the logo was framed by Iberia and Royal Air Maroc, because their branding was left intact. This is not so for SkyTeam, which takes over its hosts in full, creating SkyTeam planes with a tiny mark denoting their actual airline instead of the other way around.

This could be a lot worse. It's got recognizable logos, legible text, and I think most crucially the main fuselage body is painted a mid-light grey. The opposite of something like the SAS belly stripes, which are cheapened by the proliferation of Eurowhite, SkyTeam sort of gets a free boost from the fact that their non-white fuselage is a rarity. I do really like the relatively lowered contrast between the main body and the logo, because this shade of blue is usually paired with stark white. The SkyTeam curlicue is big and visible on the fuselage. I would have made it bigger, but it's not terrible as is. The airline's logo is placed below the window line while SkyTeam's wordmark is above it, hypothetically giving them equal weight (though in reality I think people obviously read SkyTeam's first).

It certainly has Detached Tail Syndrome, but for my tastes the lower contrast and placement of the curlicue make it far more tolerable. Northing here is ostentatious or overdesigned, and while it falls short of true minimal elegance I truly can't say it's ugly and I don't think it's lazy, either. This is one of the few times the detached tail does feel at least slightly deliberate, given the non-blankness of the rest of the fuselage. The bits feel a bit separate sometimes, but it's nowhere near as bad as that effect can get.

I'm going to give SkyTeam a B-.

I sincerely, earnestly, emphatically do not dislike the way the SkyTeam livery looks. But I still think it should not exist. Airlines should wear their own liveries. If you have 20 airlines, you should have 20 distinct fleets. I would rather have a bunch of mediocre or even bad liveries than one decent livery which doesn't belong to anyone at all.

Regardless, I do have to leave off on a fitting note. SkyTeam...more like WhyTeam.

Star Alliance is the largest of the three alliances, with 26 member airlines.

In my SAS post, I introduced the Star Alliance Test, a metric by which I judge the the absolute worst designs which end up on this blog. The test consists of one question: would I prefer that all instances of this livery be replaced with a Star Alliance paint job? As I mentioned there, I chose Star Alliance because, like SkyTeam, it entirely overwrites the original airline's livery. Not only do I like it less than SkyTeam, it is also more prolific, with an entire six more airlines with planes begging to be ruined.

It is inoffensive nearly to the degree that it becomes offensive again. Big, ugly sans serif wordmark, though it at least has the decency to occupy the majority of the fuselage to prevent it from just being a white expanse. Detached tail. Teeny tiny airline logo that you have to squint to see.

Star Alliance liveries are both functionally identical to blank planes and dangerously close to actually being them. But they have just enough design that to me they avoid being nothing and graduate to minimalist. I think it's the large text and the fact that the actual logo is actually decently designed, but it doesn't evoke the sheer dread in me that something like Lufthansa does. It's not uninterrupted, unbalanced white, it's just...really, really boring.

I...honestly think it's a C-.

Air New Zealand and Singapore Airlines both have a variant livery, all black and all white respectively. I would rate them the same, I think. Maybe Singapore's is a little more boring while also feeling like more of a statement, while Air New Zealand's makes me very happy by being a primarily black plane (I am one of the few Airplane People who is also a consummate goth) but suffers from thin white-on-black text being fairly eyestrainy. In general, the Star Alliance wordmark is somewhat difficult to read. These two belong with the rest of the liveries, even though I think I ultimately like Singapore's a bit less than the default and Air New Zealand's a bit more.

While not a vehement condemnation, C- is not exactly a shining endorsement. When I devised my scale I did envision it as something of a normal distribution. Most liveries are going to be somewhere in the C range. This is cromulent. This is satisfactory. This does not make me angry.

It just makes me sad, thinking about all these airplanes wearing identical liveries. Sure, Copa and United already match, but this is an extremely varied set. It ranges from the painfully boring to the somewhat ugly to the actively nice, and all of them get replaced with identical stock liveries...an inter-fleet Scar Alliance.

While I rate these as competent liveries in terms of their appearance, I cannot pretend I do not hate everything they stand for. In my opinion, to paint your airplanes in a livery which makes it impossible to tell that the planes flanking the logo fly for Croatia Airlines and Continental respectively without zooming all the way in is the very definition of failure.

#tarmac fashion week #grade: b-#grade: c-#era: 2000s #era: 2010s #era: 2020s #royal air maroc #iberia #air new zealand #singapore airlines #s7 airlines #non-airline liveries #cathay pacific #compilations #requests #I only tagged the airlines that appear in liveries that are noticeably theirs

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umichenginabroad · 6 months ago

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Stockholm Wrap-Up: Tips and Tricks

My time in Stockholm has come to an end. I am now waiting for my co-op to begin! The past semester has been a wonderful 4 months that I will never forget.

I gathered a few tips and tricks for people planning to study abroad! I couldn’t find lots of information specific to Stockholm when I was searching for info, so I thought this could help future students.

Hope you enjoyed my TMI posts, and thank you again for reading/glancing/trying to read them until Tumblr told you to create an account!

The following notes are solely subjective to me so take them as suggestions, not facts!

Basics of Sweden

People:

Very reserved but nice when you ask something

Almost everyone speaks English

Places:

Everyone is entitled to their freedom to roam around - basically, you can go anywhere except for private property

Culture:

Fika = a break with coffee and pastry

Sweden seriously recycles! Make sure you follow all the rules and throw away the right stuff at the right place

Through the pant system, you can get money back from empty cans/bottles. ICA usually has the pant machines so make use of them and get your money back!

Transportation:

Information on Google Maps is accurate

People are generally silent in public places, including the streets

Public transportation (run by SL) is well-distributed and punctual in Stockholm

Metro comes every 5 minutes or so. It runs until late at night around 12 am or 2 am

High-speed trains are mostly free but if you go past a certain point you need to pay an extra fee, so ask the representative in the stations OR check the map OR check the SL app

Buses

Night buses run every day and are free with the SL card that DIS gives you

Trams

Ferries

To and from Arlanda airport:

Arlanda Express - high-speed train

18 mins + alpha to/from your house

Fastest to T-Centralen but a little expensive

Does not run throughout the night

~$16 one way

~$32 roundtrip

Flygbussarna - bus

40-50 mins total

Bus stations are distributed throughout Stockholm so you can get on and off at desired stops

Runs all throughout the night

~$15 one way (to/from Hornstull)

~$27 roundtrip (to/from Hornstull)

Money:

10 SEK is a little less than $1

Swedish crowns = Kroner = SEK

Almost all the stores are cashless - wireless tap or cards are the norms

ICA, The System (national alcohol stores), and flea markets are some of the only places that take cash

DIS program

Gives unlimited public transportation card, three 200 SEK worth of ICA gift cards for groceries

Attend the DIS-hosted events if you can! They offer diverse programs for free. The following are some examples:

Sip & Paint - fika while you paint!

Bowling night

Ice skating

Billiards/arcade night

Ticket to dance performances

Picnic

Yoga session

Visits to museums

Guided tour to castles like Gripsholm

DIS Festival is the last event of the semester that lasts about 2 hours where you can present your learnings, enjoy stations like a photo booth, eat catered food, and hope to win the raffle

Suggestions

Start learning the basics of Swedish through apps in advance! Duolingo was mainly how I learned Swedish

Hi = hej (hey)

Bye = hey då (hey do)

Thank you = tack (tac)

Thank you so much = tack så mycket (tac-so-micket)

Sorry = förlåt (fur-lat)

Excuse me = ursäkta (ooh-shak-ta)

Go out and explore the city whenever you can! Get that vitamin D

Traveling:

Main airlines:

Ryanair: cheapest flights that are good for weekend trips with a backpack. It can be strict with the backpack size so ensure that your bag fits the size requirements. You need to buy every little thing you can think of, even water

I heard Easyjet is similar to Ryanair

SAS youth: high-quality service with a cheaper price if you are between 12-25 years old. The seats run out very quickly so book in advance!

If flights get delayed for 3+ hours, SAS provides monetary compensation (a lot more than you think) so check it out if your flight gets delayed or canceled

Norwegian: I personally didn’t fly Norwegian but I heard good things about it

KLM: usually expensive

If traveling with friends, an app called Tricount is very useful to sort out all the money stuff. You can enter who paid how much for every single occasion and at the end of the trip, it gives you a suggestion on who should pay how much to whom

What To Bring:

Bring a wide range of clothing - you will experience all four seasons during your one semester in Stockholm!

Winter suits: thick jackets, gloves, scarfs, hats

Swimsuits: Don’t forget to bring swimsuits for sauna/polar plunging in Stockholm and beaches during your academic/personal travels!

Fanny pack: it was very useful when I was traveling to places known for pickpocketing (London, Barcelona, Italy, etc.)

Travel-size bottles!

Many Airbnbs and hostels did not have shampoo/conditioner, so I always carried around shampoo and conditioner in mini-containers (under 100 mL). They are useful for skin care products too!

International Travel Adapter

Plug types are all different in Sweden, United Kingdom, Malta, Italy, France

Check before you travel!

Hygiene product information for girls

The tampons that they sell here are very small

I didn’t see any stores selling big pads, so I’d bring enough for an entire semester

What Not To Bring:

Toiletries were surprisingly very cheap in Stockholm: cotton pads, toothbrushes, floss, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, etc. No need to bring them if you don’t have enough room!

Normal was my go-to store for these products

Where To Study:

Espresso House - the most popular chain in Stockholm imo

Wifi, charging stations

Good smoothies (mango chia is my fav) and pastries (cheesecakes, croissants, Kanelbulle)

Wayne's - similar chain

Wifi, more charging stations

A lot of people chatting or studying

Illy - chain with chill studying vibes

Wifi can be a little goofy sometimes

Good studying atmosphere - everyone is working on a laptop

Avocado sandwich is good

Where To Go:

For grocery shopping/basic goods:

ICA: $600 gift card that DIS gave me lasted me the whole semester! I cooked and bought groceries with my roommate, so we technically had $1200 together for one semester

BUT I ate out a couple of times each month and traveled a lot so if this is not the case you might run out quickly!

Normal: they sell a lot of basic goods ranging from toiletries to stationery to snacks. It is not too expensive either so if you want something small but don’t know where to go, I’d check out Normal after ICA!

IKEA: We went just for fun and sometimes for food. Cheap Swedish meatballs and 70-cent vanilla ice cream make the visit worth it!

Go thrifting - there are lots of options! Many thrift stores are located side-by-side in Slussen, T-Centralen, and Mariatorget. Keep in mind that there are some vintage stores, but they are generally expensive (average $40). Read the descriptions of each store below if you are interested. This list of thrift stores is in ascending order by price:

Myrona & Humana: both are chains that sell clothes on the cheaper side. I loved to look around the wide selection even if I had nothing to buy in mind

Artikel2: the one I went to was huge - there were lots of jean products

Stockholm Stadsmission: a chain with reasonable price and quality. You can find lots of gems when you spend time digging!

Arkivet: a higher-end second-hand store with abundant high-quality clothes such as Tommy Hilfiger, COACH, BOSS, COS, etc. The one in T-Centralen is my personal favorite! I suggest this store if you’re looking for durable clothes like trench coats, jackets, etc. The expensive clothes are much cheaper than the original price, but the clothes that are usually cheap (ZARA/H&M) are a bit overpriced

Check out museums - the following list is in descending order of preference:

Paradox Museum: plenty of photo spots! I’d suggest going with someone else so that you can take photos of each other

Tekniska Museet: a lot of science and technology stuff, but it’s not boring - it is a multistory building with innumerable interactive activities. Don’t forget to check out the video game rooms on the top floor!

Banksy (pop-up): Banksy’s artwork illustrates the political and historical issues through Banksy’s perspective

Fotografiska: exhibitions switch every few months: I loved Rinko Kawauchi’s photo collection!

Skansen: open-air museum with reindeer and historical housings! It is hugeeee so spare some time if planning on going here

Vasa Museum: museum with a well-preserved 17th-century ship that got salvaged

ABBA Museum: The museum is smaller than I expected, especially when it is on the more expensive side. However, there were a few interactive activities (dancing stage, karaoke stations, silent headphone dancing spot, etc.) and numerous photo spots!

For people who love nightlife - check out the following list:

Cafe Opera: nightclub

Secret Garden: gay bar in Gamla Stan

Liffey: Irish pub in Gamla Stan that has live music and karaoke

RoQ: bar with arcade games

Beer and play: casual drinking bar - a lot of DIS students went on Tuesdays to drink beer and socialize

Avoid Time bar: the $15 cocktails are good but there are too many old men who approach young girls :((

Wander around in…

Gamla Stan: I can’t emphasize my love for Gamla Stan enough; as the old town, they have a lot of historical buildings and museums in addition to rows of souvenir stores and cafes. There are a myriad of small paths (+ the narrowest street in Sweden) you could take - I loved getting lost in Gamla Stan!

Fika and Wine - good authentic Swedish food: meatballs are very good

PANEM - my absolute favorite dessert cafe! The mango mousse cake is one of the best desserts I’ve ever tasted

Monteliusvägen: This is a perfect spot in Mariatorget to enjoy a view of the city while you take a leisurely walk. I went there multiple times with friends and on my own. It's the perfect place to have your sunlight intake!

Rosendals Trädgård (Garden): Although it’s a bit far away from the center of Stockholm (on an island that also has Skansen and Grona Lund amusement park), it is a place you need to visit in the spring. Little stores sell postcards (I was about to buy 5 but I realized I’m broke and only bought 1; however, I am regretting my choice right now. If I could go back I would buy all of the ones I picked out), keyrings (I bought four acorn keyrings for my family), vases, etc. There are greenhouse-looking cafes where you can eat food and desserts. And don’t forget to smell and take pictures at the flower gardens!

Kungsträdgården: ice skating in winter and cherry blossom festival in spring!

More places to visit in Sweden:

City hall

Stockholm Public Library

Gröna Lund = amusement park

Westfield Scandinavia = mall

Stockholm Observatory

Archipelago

Östermalms Saluhall = food hall

Day trip to Uppsala

What To Eat:

Burger

MAX - Swedish burger chain

More popular than McDonalds!

There are a ton of vegan/vegetarian options - and I heard they are good

Sweet potato fries are gas

Brödernas - Hamburger restaurant

Right next to the DIS Stockholm building

Outdoor sitting is a must in spring!

Top sweet potato fries

Pasta

Florentine - Italian pasta/pizza place

The pasta here is sooooo good

Cocktails are fabulous too: Florentine on the Beach is my favorite

Carls Deli - Italian restaurant

After eating their pasta I agreed with the 4.8-star rating on Google Maps

In a food hall in T-Centralen

Very busy all the time!

Japanese:

Noburu - best sushi for reasonable prices

Near DIS Building (about 10 minute walk)

DELICIOUS food and AESTHETIC plating

Dry ice for decor 0_0

IPIN - cheap and good Japanese food

Near Hornstull

Everything was around $10

Ramen, sushi, and donburi were all good!

Sushi Yama - a chain where you can select nigiri types

Nigiris are small but delicious

You can choose quantity and type of nigiri - I recommend grilled salmon; it literally melts in your mouth

Matchaya - ramen and bubble tea

Close to DIS (about 15 minute walk)

Good ramen (I suggest the miso base)

Love their fruit bubble tea

TooGoodToGo - you can get leftover food that would’ve gone to waste at the end of the day for cheap prices!

Happy Sweet Potato - bubble tea

I got 3 different bubble teas on top of a cup full of coconut jellies + pudding for less than $8

It sells out rapidly so I’d set a timer and snatch the deal when it opens

ICA - groceries OR fruits and veggies OR bread

I only ordered bread here but I’ve noticed that the other options run out fast

Got a bag for less than $5 if I remember correctly

Good for students who need sandwich bread + want pastries like croissants and vanilla/chocolate bread

Bakery Hornstull - bread OR cake

I love the owner couple… They’re so sweet and kind

I got 4 paper bags filled with all sorts of bread - there were a lot of big bread/sandwich bread though

When I bought a cake for approximately $7, she let me choose between two cakes (we usually don’t get to pick)

Eataly - pizza

My friends did it here and got three pieces of pizza for $3

I missed my chance but you could do it!

Desserts

PANEM - pastries (!!! Mango mousse cake !!!)

PLEASE try the mango mousse cake if you like not TOO sweet fruity desserts

Alcohol

You can only purchase alcohol from The System, which is owned by the government - US ID like driver’s license works sometimes

Briska pear cider is extremely popular for a reason

All the ciders I tasted in Sweden were good but I especially liked Somersby ciders

This is all I can think of!

The four months in Stockholm reminded me what life really is, what I enjoy, what I am comfortable with, what I need to work on, and how I want to live my life.

I am so grateful for all the opportunities and support I have received. Now, it is time for me to move on and enter a new stage in life. I’ll be looking back on these precious memories whenever I need a refresher :)

I genuinely loved studying abroad, especially in Stockholm. I hope you had fun reading these weekly posts as well!

Thank you and goodbye,

Jiwoo Kim

Chemical Engineering

DIS Study Abroad in Stockholm, Sweden

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEStockholm #JiwooKim #IPEWinter24 #Sweden

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wanderfulescapes · 1 year ago

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Tips to find the lowest airline tickets 💻🌅How to avoid mistakes when booking cheap tickets 🎫 🛫

Planning a trip is always exhilarating, but the excitement can quickly give way to stress when it comes time to book flights and transportation. With varying ticket prices, seemingly endless fees, and complex booking platforms, sorting through travel ticket options can be overwhelming. Where do you even begin to find an affordable fare without spending hours searching every airline website? When is the best time to purchase airfare or train tickets for the lowest possible price? What factors into pricing and availability? In this guide, I'll walk through the key considerations for booking both domestic and international travel tickets. You'll learn insider tips on finding deals, dodging extra fees, timing your purchase, and maximizing flexibility. With strategic planning and research, you can master travel ticketing and lock in the best value seats for your next big journey or quick getaway. Let's explore how to take control of travel booking and make ticketing a breeze, not a burden.

Here are some tips on when plane tickets tend to be cheapest:

- Tuesday and Wednesday mornings are generally when airlines release sales and cheaper seats. Set fare alerts for midweek mornings.

- Tickets are usually cheapest 1-3 months in advance of travel dates, when airlines are trying to fill seats. Avoid buying last-minute.

- Flying on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays tends to be cheaper than high-demand days like Friday and Sunday. Flexibility helps.

- Traveling during shoulder seasons when weather is transitioning (spring/fall) is cheaper than summer and winter peak times.

- Red eye and early morning flights are often cheaper than midday and evening. An inconvenience for savings!

- Holiday periods like Christmas, New Years and Thanksgiving lead to price spikes. Avoid traveling a few days before/after major holidays.

-If you're open to it, check if there are alternate airports near your destination. Sometimes flying into a nearby city and then taking a short train or bus ride to your final destination can save you money.

Protip: consider looking for tickets in incognito mood to see the real prices of tickets. Otherwise, the price will go up everytime you visit the same site.

Being flexible on dates, willing to take red eyes, flying midweek, and searching extensively can lead to great flight deals. Signing up for price alerts and newsletters from airlines can help find the cheapest tickets.

#travel tips #travelling #travel #tourism #tickets #airplane #booking #hotels #tourist #tourism news #destination #travel photography

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londonspirit · 9 months ago

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London, Take 1

Very first London trip in 2024 - one of at least four planned ones (maybe five depending on WHEN they re-home Macbeth.)

And boy, was it a great one.

Friday noon was leaving time - and I can only recommend that time of day: airports are basically empty, flights are on time and people are less stressed.

All very uneventful, meeting up C in London and off to the YHA Thameside - pretty far out but was the cheapest so… it’s a good place to stay (whether you still wanna do dorms which im too old now, or a private room; always worth checking if you’re on a budget!)

Got caught in the rain for a bit but once we’ve dried off, we were off towards Battersea power station for the light installations.

The weather Gods were merciful, no more rain for the rest of the trip so we could have a nice wander around, having dinner and learning that a fire alarm doesn’t really faze people that much at all - we were finished so we left but there were many that just stayed put O_O (was a FALSE alarm but still...O_O)

Since it got late that was about it for the Friday.

Saturday morning we had a NT backstage tour planned. GUh, I love them sooo much. I’ve done so many by now and I still love to go behind the scenes of that huge place, and have people tell me all about it. This time we had Chelsea who did an incredible job - and they were so many people that asked just smart questions that we went a bit overtime.

And we weren’t allowed into the Olivier because the NYE cast was in there, rehearsing!!!

So we were in the same building as Michael freaking Sheen!!! (We didn’t manage to get tickets for that weekend beforehand - it was sold out as it was very first preview! But we already had planned to do stage door in the evening, just in case!)

Anyhow, after the tour we were off to Richmond! Finally! I have been trying to get there for a while now.

Gosh, it’s gorgeous there! And yes, of course my Ted Lasso loving heart was in Heaven to see it all: the pub, the park, the bench (which was sadly occupied), the street!!! *sighs happily* I love to be in places where beloved shows got filmed.

And the riverside is soo pretty even though it was rather crowded. But then again, the weather was nice enough, even sunny at points.

After a while we sat down near a muddy field, considering when to go to the theatre. Being the needing to plan woman I am, I checked the site to see how long the play goes.

And there they were, two beautifully perfect seats next to each other in the middle of the circle.

I stared at them, stared at my friend and started laughing.

“Do you wanna go to the theatre tonight?” I asked once I could breathe again.

“Huh?” she said.

I showed her the site and she stared at it for like 30 seconds.

“Can we make it back in time?” she asked wide-eyed.

“Yes we can. And if we leave now, we even can have dinner before the show.”

Now SHE started laughing and nodding wildly.

So I took out my credit card and booked us tickets for NYE’s very first preview in the middle of a muddy field.

We then made our way back to London, had dinner and soon we sat down to watch Michael Sheen being amazing on stage!!!

There were no obvious issues, the staging was pretty cool and Michael was BRILLIANT despite him being in his pj’s and barefoot all play long!

It was a bit weird that the curtain call was soo quick - i'm used to longer ones but with it being 1st preview it’s probably normal. They still got standing ovations so there’s that.

Stage door was very calm; not too many people (less than I expected tbh), and all very collected.

What was funny, that there was a person looking at me as if they know me. After a few moments of staring back and forth and them waving at me, I walked over.

“What name do I call you?” I asked as I had absolutely no clue who they were (IM SORRY IM OLD!)

“D. From the Rhys gig last year!”

Only in London!!! *giggles* That was soo very nice to run into them again, we had such a blast at the Rhys gig, but sadly they’d left before I could get their socials!

We chatted for a moment and then Michael came out!

*sighs* He’s sooo lovely!!! And so kind. He was rather tired which didn’t stop him from taking pics, writing autographs and chatting with everyone. (He had indeed cold feet, literally; I asked him *hehe*)

We told him how amazing he was, got our pics and autos, stuck around for a bit (I might have told Anna who waited for him how lovely she looked at the Baftas!) and then he was done, wished us a good night and lead Anna back inside for the party, I guess *lol*

We were very happy when we made our way back to the hostel (even though the stupid bus didn’t come the 2nd day in a row!)

For Sunday we only had the Jason and Paul gig in the evening… and a Tower visit I surprised my friend with! She’s never been, but I knew how badly she wanted to see the Crown Jewels so I got tickets for us, got her there under the pretense of meeting a friend and then just walked inside!! HER FACE was fucking priceless!!!

And DAMN, it’s really worth the price!!! At least for us. Never been INSIDE before, but if you like history and beheadings, this is for you!!! I LOVED the tour, the kids that were in it were amazed and a constant source of amusement to our guide!

I LOVED the Ravens! Getting this close to them without them being fazed at all, was cool! We spent about 3 hours in there before it was time for food and then heading toward the gig!

God, I missed live shows!!! Especially Jason and Paul’s - they’re always so much fun!!!

Still not over the fact that my last one was FIVE years ago; also in London and also around that time of year!

I had bought VIP tickets just BECAUSE and it was worth the insanity that are these two on a stage just dorking around.

They played a few songs and then started one somebody had requested during the tour.

I sat there, confused because I knew it somehow… but it wasn’t one of theirs.

And then it hit!!! It was a FLIGHT OF THE CONCORDS song!!! One I had just seen/heard a few days ago on my OFMD twitter!!!!

I couldn’t get it together; my friend thought I’d’ve lost the last bit of my sanity, and I couldn't stop cackling!!!

It was soo hilarious!!! I mean, Jemaine and Bret did that for a living but Jason and Paul’s faces while trying to get through ‘Business Time’ was sooo worth the money!!!!

youtube

Still not over that!!!

The general gig was as awesome as always!!! It’s funny tho how the love has shifted: used to be Jason who pulled the fans, nowadays it’s Paul!!! My boy’s come a long way!

We stuck around after, mainly because I wanted to say HI to Paul. But he’s in HIGH demand.

Still… when I walked past him and he saw me, his whole face lit up! It’s always nice to be recognized by your ‘stars’. Plus, we ‘know’ each other for more than a decade now so yeah.

I finally got my hug (and MAN, his hugs are the greatest, especially since there’s so much more shoulders there now *giggles*).

We chatted a bit, then he left for a bit, came back, I introduced my friend to him, we got our pics and more hugs and another brief chat (which is harder these days, too many people want a piece of him *hehe*) before we said good night and headed back ‘home’!

Always soo good to see them boys!

Monday was leaving day for my friend; we had a wander around before it was time for her to leave for the airport, and for me to head towards the Old Vic to catch up with an old friend! It was brief as she’s busy as hell these days, but it was soo good to see her and here’s hope the next meet-up will be a bit longer!

After that, I was off to see my beloved Victoria Palace Theatre again!!! I’ve sat in basically all seats by now, boxes, royal and grand circle, slip seats but NEVER in the stalls.

So yeah, 2nd row, smack in the middle!!! ARGH!!! SOO GOOD!!! I love that stage sooo freaking much and seeing it this close was AMAZING!!! Totally new cast but two! I squeed and scared people when I read the cast list in the foyer: Dom was still there: his Washington is sooo good and I was soo happy to see him again!!!

What made this evening even more wonderful was the adorably excited French man next to me. His very first time and he was sooo hyped! Once it started he had a REALLY hard time to control himself - his joy made my night!!!

After I sent him around to stage door and after picking up my things joined him; sadly Dom had already left but I played photographer for the french so he got his pics with some of the cast before we said good night - he called meeting me ‘very delightful’ which was 👀!!! Never been called that before!!!

One last sleep, and I was off home again. Thankfully I’ll be back very soon so saying goodbye wasn’t too hard.

As always London proved that it’s the most incredibly city in the world - I can’t wait to come back in June!!!

And this concludes my rather long winded tale of my first London trip in 2024!!!

#personal #london 2024 #michael sheen #paul carella #jason manns

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safaritravelsindia · 1 year ago

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"How to Book Cheap Flight Tickets: Insider Tips and Tricks"

How to Book Cheap Flight Tickets: Insider Tips and Tricks

Are you tired of spending a fortune on flight tickets? Don’t worry; we’ve got you covered! In this blog post, we will share some insider tips and tricks on how to book cheap flight tickets and save money for your next trip. Be flexible with your travel dates: One of the best ways to get cheap flight tickets is by being flexible with your travel dates. Prices can vary significantly depending on…

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#Cheapest Flight Ticket Booking Tricks #Flight Tickets Tips & Tricks #How to Book Cheap Flight Tickets: Insider Tips and Tricks #Lowest Flight Ticket Booking Hacks #Online Flight Booking

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miss-boss-bitch · 2 years ago

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Chapter 1

Mortimer & A New FOB

Kyubi pulled her car up a nice driveway to a large house in a modest residential area, opposite the house Denzel and Candice Remington lived in. She sat in her car for a few minutes, pondering her next move. Sure, she could go straight in to the Remington home and see if ‘Kandii’ had heard about Officer Denzel's accident yet. Maybe she was crying her eyes out at the news of her husband, or maybe the new memories of how she hated the relationship she had been in had taken hold and she had already started getting her things together. Whatever the situation had become in the household over the last few hours, Kyubi knew there was at least four more people in there for her to play with, so she would need a base of operations for now for her to observe who was in the house, and the best ways to shape their new lives into something Kyubi saw more...fitting. This house she had pulled up into, opposite the Remington's looked promising, like it could accommodate her quite well while she observed Kandii and her children across the street before she began to warp their lives. She opened the car door and and started to walk towards the front door, the clicking sound of her heels on the brick drive could be heard as she opened the door, not even worrying if anyone was home.

As she entered she could see a tall and well-toned man with very close-cropped hair and well groomed beard come down the stairs. Dressed in a dark designer suit, his hard eyes glared at this stranger who had waltzed into his house. As he took in this figure before him, his expression softened as he saw how beautiful she looked in the dimmed evening light. Though still suspicious of someone entering his house unannounced, he let her approach him as he took in her captivating presence. Something about the way the light gleamed off her skin so subtly, off her lips, lips that got closer and closer to him, growing more tantalizing as they closed the distance. She stopped just an inch before his face. "Who the devil are you?" he barely manged to whisper, as he stared into her eyes as if they went on for infinity "Some people certainly call me a devil, but you can call me Kyubi. And you are?" she softly replied. "Uh.. Mortimer. Mortimer Giles." he answered uneasily, a little unsure at this beautiful stranger in front of him, or why he was answering her questions. "Well Morty, you are not needed here. I don't know much about you, and I already have my eyes set on a family, so I don't have anytime for you darling. It just so happens your house lets me spy on them, and you being here will just be getting in my way. So here's what you're going to do. For Me. I assume you work seeing as you live in a neighbourhood like this, and wear your luxury suits. Italian I believe? Well, you can go ahead and call your boss telling him you want to quit your job. Then I want you to book a flight to go to China. Make sure you go economy honey, you've lived to well too long, and I don't think you need to any more. So make sure you get the cheapest seats possible. But give the stewie a nice big tip to make sure they leave you alone the entire journey. Once you get there, I want you to go out into the wilderness and find a nice big cliff in the middle of nowhere. And then Morty? You know what you will do for me, so you're not in my way, even in China? You'll jump off it, for me. You will live out your last days suffering and defenceless to the wild animals out there for no reason other than to amuse me. If you do somehow survive you will kill yourself anyway immediately. You will leave a note on your person stating that you were unhappy with your life. Now put all your cash and cards on the table, book your flight and leave me alone, OK? And all the best darling"

As Mortimer opened his laptop to book plane tickets, Kyubi peered through her new house window. She saw Candice throwing out clothes and possessions; obviously Denzel's. Good. Obviously she had heard about his 'latest' drinking problem and was acting on it. Kyubi decided to go across and actually speak to her in person. It was always more fun for her to see the person she was talking to. As she left she turned to Mortimer as he browsed his cheapest airlines. "Make sure you're gone by the time I'm back. Ciao Morty". She blew him a kiss and left him to his fate.

---

Candice knew she had a lot to do. She’d have to quit her job at the coffee shop. Bye, bye to that stupid little place with the pitiful income it gave her. God that was a boring place to work anyway, everyone so pious and proper. Her life would need some reorganisation, but she’d have so much more time to be the real her now, she just knew it. She was looking forward to that. And the hot, hot idea of sex that she was going to be paid to have. Her memories of enjoying her work were gone, just as her happy memories of family life with Denzel and her kids had been replaced with memories of fights and arguments over his drinking. She may be the one leaving but God it felt good trashing his stuff after years of being stuck in toxic rut. As she threw his vinyl record collection on the ground, with most shattering intro pieces, she looked up to see a tall slender woman standing before her, her pink hair gently fluttering in the evening breeze, a calm aura almost counteracting Candice's inner rage.

"Yes? Can I help you?! I'm super fucking busy right now and not really in the fucking mood to talk to strangers" she snapped, her once polite vocabulary now filled with vulgar expletives.

"Hey Candice, it's me Kyubi? We spoke on the phone earlier. I'm Denzel's friend, and I'm also your friend so you can talk to me" Kyubi said through a barely contained giggle.

"Oh hey Kyubi! Good to see you. unlike my dead beat fucking husband. Gone and wrote his patrol car off. While at work. Because once again the loser had to get drunk. Well fuck that shit. I'm outta here. Not wasting another second on that asshole. Kids are old enough to look after themselves, I'm gonna make a new start. Thinking off going by Kandii, going to the city, getting an actual decent job or something at least. I dunno. Shit."

Now Kyubi had met Candice/Kandii, she didn't want her to go yet. She could have some more fun with her, and find out more about her family. If that cop could see what she was going to do to them in retaliation for him pulling her over...

"Oh babe, yeah. Kandii is a much better name for you. Candice didn't suit you, sounded way too posh and classy, which so isn't you is it? Besides much easier for someone like you to spell huh? Make sure you dot both i's with cute hearts!" she laughed.

"Hey! you calling me dumb?" Kandii said a little glum.

"No way Kandii, you're super smart at important stuff like shaking your butt, I just know spellings not your strong point since you never went to school as you were too busy bunking off to sell yourself for a packet of fags or two, remember?"

"Oh yeah! Well I guess I'm a little dumb with boring stuff" Kandii joked back.

"So very dumb, girl" Kyubi snorted as she watched Kandii's eyes glaze over, as years of education and basic knowledge slipped away from her mind. "Anyway, you probably don't have anyway to stay, so stay at mine tonight. Leave a note for the kids, and come over. Don't bring any stuff, you won't need anything from your old life in your new one"

---

Kandii woke up the next day in a haze of foggy memories. She thought a guy had lived across from her, but Kyubi insisted it had always been her. Kandii rubbed her head; everything ached. As she tried to sit up in bed, she ended up rolling over and puking all over the floor. God, what had she done last night?! Faint memories of partying around Kyubi's all night, practising her sexiest dance moves to blaring music began to surface as Kyubi had encouraged her on. More memories of the night formed as it slowly came back to her. Bottles of Lambrini laying discarded on the floor that she had consumed, next to used syringes she had injected without a second thought. She didn't know why she felt so rough today though, she knew booze and drugs had always been part of her life before now.

Kyubi appeared in the door way in a Louis Vuitton dressing robe, her immaculate hair and features a stark contrast to Kandii's hungover aura. She had a glass of water in one hand and a shot of vodka in the other. She took a sip of water as she came in and handed Kandii the shot glass. "Morning girlfriend! I'd say you had a wild night last night, but I guess that was actually tame for you huh? Seeing as you had no punters? Don't worry, you'll get them at the sort of places you'll be working soon enough. Anyway, I felt soooo bad about what happened with Officer Denzel I thought I’d come and help you out. You know, as we were drinking buddies, I guess you could say I feel partially responsible for what happened to him" she said with a barely straight face as Kandii listened while downing her shot glass. "Now, I know you wanna be a stripper in the big city, but just in case you have a reputation here among the community, I thought some people here might still want to hire you. So, I wrote you up some resumes this morning and sent the to pretty much every business in town. You’ll love what they say."

“Um, why, what did you write?” asked Kandii, wondering why Kyubi had even bothered, she knew she didn’t want a nice little job like that dull one at the restaurant any more.

“Let’s see,” said Kyubi as she held up a spare resume, “‘Employment: The Silver Leaf Coffee Shop, June 2008 to April 2011. Reason for leaving: was fired for stealing company property, poor hygiene and unprofessional image, and performing oral sex with customers in the toilets. Isn’t it perfect for you?"

Kandii slowly nodded in agreement. She couldn't remember why she left her previous job, she knew it was boring, but what Kyubi said sounded right. She listened on as Kyubi rattled of a few more points about attire and attendance issues. Tears started to form in her eye as her reality set in. Deadbeat husband arrested. Currently unemployed with no where to go. No life skills to back her up. she was gambling everything in going to the clubs in the city. if it failed, she knew no business here would have her any more. Part of her couldn't tell if she was happy or devastated about that.

Kyubi sat next to Kandii on the bed and put her arm around her. “With a CV like that you’ll soon become a stripper, but until you start getting paid you need to cut costs now you’re a single parent to multiple kids.”

Kandii leaned her head on Kyubi’s shoulder. “What can I do?”

“OK, first thing , rent a moving van and put all of your clothes and every knick-knack, wall hanging, end table and anything you can carry in it and donate it to charity. You need the tax write off for next year. Keep some underwear, bras and stuff. The rest of your clothes we can replace for your new job. Get rid of all of your dishes and cooking stuff except for one bowl, plate, knife fork, pot, and stuff. Get as big of a donation and thus tax break as possible.”

“Yeah,” said Kandii between sniffles, “that sounds good.”

“Yes, also you can no longer afford car insurance let alone a car.”

“My car’s paid off,” said Kandii.

“But there’s still gas, insurance, upkeep and stuff,” said Kyubi. “Look, I’ll tell you what I’ll do for you. I’ll find a notary public. You transfer your car title to me. I can barely afford it..."Kandii glanced down at the designer robe Kyubi was wearing, "...but I’ll take your car off of your hands. You pay me for the cost of putting the title in my name of course. You can use public transportation.”

“Thanks Kyubi. You’d do that for me?”

“Yes, of course. It won’t be easy on me, but it’s the least I can do.”

“You’re such a bestie!” said Kandii, perking up a little.

---

An hour later, they were at a notary public and Kandii signed her sporty convertible over to Kyubi and gave her $300 to cover the cost of the title transfer at the DMV. Then they went to get Candice’s name changed legally to Kandii. Eventually they made their way back to the Remington’s townhouse.

By the afternoon, everything but the furniture too big for Kandii to move by herself was gone.

“Do you own or rent this place?” asked Kyubi looking around.

“Rent.”

“Good,” said Kyubi, “we need to find you a cheaper place to live. How much money do you have?”

“About $900 in checking and a couple thousand in savings.”

“OK, tomorrow I'll find you a cheap place to live in the city.”

“You’d do that for me?” asked Kandii.

“Yes, of course, what are friends for?!” Kyubi laughed

Kandii hugged Kyubi.

”I’ll come by early and help you get ready. I’ll help you do some sexy makeup just like the trashy stripper you want to be, and tease your hair up big, REALLY big! Big hair is sexy hair, and the bigger the sexier.”

As they talked the front door opened. Looks like it was finally time to meet the kids...

———

Based on: Scott's World by Snurff on Mcstories.com & Lifesaver by Iron Nick on Mcstories.com

#story

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

Text

The impoverished imagination of neoliberal climate “solutions

This morning (Oct 31) at 10hPT, the Internet Archive is livestreaming my presentation on my recent book, The Internet Con.

There is only one planet in the known universe capable of sustaining human life, and it is rapidly becoming uninhabitable by humans. Clearly, this warrants bold action – but which bold action should we take?

After half a century of denial and disinformation, the business lobby has seemingly found climate religion and has joined the choir, but they have their own unique hymn: this crisis is so dire, they say, that we don't have the luxury of choosing between different ways of addressing the emergency. We have to do "all of the above" – every possible solution must be tried.

In his new book Dark PR, Grant Ennis explains that this "all of the above" strategy doesn't represent a change of heart by big business. Rather, it's part of the denial playbook that's been used to sell tobacco-cancer doubt and climate disinformation:

https://darajapress.com/publication/dark-pr-how-corporate-disinformation-harms-our-health-and-the-environment

The point of "all of the above" isn't muscular, immediate action – rather, it's a delaying tactic that creates space for "solutions" that won't work, but will generate profits. Think of how the tobacco industry used "all of the above" to sell "light" cigarettes, snuff, snus, and vaping – and delay tobacco bans, sin taxes, and business-euthanizing litigation. Today, the same playbook is used to sell EVs as an answer to the destructive legacy of the personal automobile – to the exclusion of mass transit, bikes, and 15-minute cities:

https://thewaroncars.org/2023/10/24/113-dark-pr-with-grant-ennis/

As the tobacco and car examples show, "all of the above" is never really all of the above. Pursuing "light" cigarettes to reduce cancer is incompatible with simply banning tobacco; giving everyone a personal EV is incompatible with remaking our cities for transit, cycling and walking.

When it comes to the climate emergency, "all of the above" means trying "market-based" solutions to the exclusion of directly regulating emissions, despite the poor performance of these "solutions."

The big one here is carbon offsets, which allows companies to make money by promising not to emit carbon that they would otherwise emit. The idea here is that creating a new asset class will unleash the incredible creativity of markets by harnessing the greed of elite sociopaths to the project of decarbonization, rather of the prudence of democratically accountable lawmakers.

Carbon offsets have not worked: they have been plagued by absolutely foreseeable problems that have not lessened, despite repeated attempts to mitigate them.

For starters, carbon offsets are a classic market for lemons. The cheapest way to make a carbon offset is to promise not to emit carbon you were never going to emit anyway, as when fake charities like the Nature Conservancy make millions by promising not to log forests that can't be logged because they are wildlife preserves:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/18/greshams-carbon-law/#papal-indulgences

Then there's the problem of monitoring carbon offsetting activity. Like, what happens when the forest you promise not to log burns down? If you're a carbon trader, the answer is "nothing." That burned-down forest can still be sold as if it were sequestering carbon, rather than venting it to the atmosphere in an out-of-control blaze:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/26/aggregate-demand/#murder-offsets

When you bought a plane ticket and ticked the "offset the carbon on my flight" box and paid an extra $10, I bet you thought that you were contributing to a market that incentivized a reduction in discretionary, socially useless carbon-intensive activity. But without those carbon offsets, SUVs would have all but disappeared from American roads. Carbon offsets for Tesla cars generated billions in carbon offsets for Elon Musk, and allowed SUVs to escape regulations that would otherwise have seen them pulled from the market:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/11/24/no-puedo-pagar-no-pagara/#Rat

What's more, Tesla figured out how to get double the offsets they were entitled to by pretending that they had a working battery-swap technology. This directly translated to even more SUVs on the road:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Tesla,_Inc.#Misuse_of_government_subsidies

Harnessing the profit motive to the planet's survivability might sound like a good idea, but it assumes that corporations can self-regulate their way to a better climate future. They cannot. Think of how Canada's logging industry was allowed to clearcut old-growth forests and replace them with "pines in lines" – evenly spaced, highly flammable, commercially useful tree-farms that now turn into raging forest fires every year:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/16/murder-offsets/#pulped-and-papered

The idea of "market-based" climate solutions is that certain harmful conduct should be disincentivized through taxes, rather than banned. This makes carbon offsets into a kind of modern Papal indulgence, which let you continue to sin, for a price. As the outstanding short video Murder Offsets so ably demonstrates, this is an inadequate, unserious and immoral response to the urgency of the issue:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/14/for-sale-green-indulgences/#killer-analogy

Offsets and other market-based climate measures aren't "all of the above" – they exclude other measures that have better track-records and lower costs, because those measures cut against the interests of the business lobby. Writing for the Law and Political Economy Project, Yale Law's Douglas Kysar gives some pointed examples:

https://lpeproject.org/blog/climate-change-and-the-neoliberal-imagination/

For example: carbon offsets rely on a notion called "contrafactual carbon," this being the imaginary carbon that might be omitted by a company if it wasn't participating in offsets. The number of credits a company gets is determined by the difference between its contrafactual emissions and its actual emissions.

But the "contrafactual" here comes from a business-as-usual world, one where the only limit on carbon emissions comes from corporate executives' voluntary actions – and not from regulation, direct action, or other limits on corporate conduct.

Kysar asks us to imagine a contrafactual that depends on "carbon upsets," rather than offsets – one where the limits on carbon come from "lawsuits, referenda, protests, boycotts, civil disobedience":

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cif-green/2010/aug/29/carbon-upsets-offsets-cap-and-trade

If we're really committed to "all of the above" as baseline for calculating offsets, why not imagine a carbon world grounded in foreseeable, evidence-based reality, like the situation in Louisiana, where a planned petrochemical plant was canceled after a lawsuit over its 13.6m tons of annual carbon emissions?

https://earthjustice.org/press/2022/louisiana-court-vacates-air-permits-for-formosas-massive-petrochemical-complex-in-cancer-alley

Rather than a tradeable market in carbon offsets, we could harness the market to reward upsets. If your group wins a lawsuit that prevents 13.6m tons of carbon emissions every year, it will get 13.6 million credits for every year that plant would have run. That would certainly drive the commercial imaginations of many otherwise disinterested parties to find carbon-reduction measures. If we're going to revive dubious medieval practices like indulgences, why not champerty, too?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Champerty_and_maintenance

That is, if every path to a survivable planet must run through Goldman-Sachs, why not turn their devious minds to figuring out ways to make billions in tradeable credits by suing the pants off oil companies?

There are any number of measures that rise to the flimsy standards of evidence in support of offsets. Like, we're giving away $85/ton in free public money for carbon capture technologies, despite the lack of any credible path to these making a serious dent in the climate situation:

https://www.spglobal.com/commodityinsights/en/market-insights/latest-news/energy-transition/072523-ira-turbocharged-carbon-capture-tax-credit-but-challenges-persist-experts

If we're willing to fund untested longshots like carbon capture, why not measures that have far better track-records? For example, there's a pretty solid correlation between the presence of women in legislatures and on corporate boards and overall reductions in carbon. I'm the last person to suggest that the problems of capitalism can be replaced by replacing half of the old white men who run the world with women, PoCs and queers – but if we're willing to hand billions to ferkakte scheme like carbon capture, why not subsidize companies that pack their boards with women, or provide campaign subsidies to women running for office? It's quite a longshot (putting Liz Truss or Marjorie Taylor-Greene on your board or in your legislature is no way to save the planet), but it's got a better evidentiary basis than carbon capture.

There's also good evidence that correlates inequality with carbon emissions, though the causal relationship is unclear. Maybe inequality lets the wealthy control policy outcomes and tilt them towards permitting high-emission/high-profit activities. Maybe inequality reduces the social cohesion needed to make decarbonization work. Maybe inequality makes it harder for green tech to find customers. Maybe inequality leads to rich people chasing status-enhancing goods (think: private jet rides) that are extremely carbon-intensive.

Whatever the reason, there's a pretty good case that radical wealth redistribution would speed up decarbonization – any "all of the above" strategy should certainly consider this one.

Kysar's written a paper on this, entitled "Ways Not to Think About Climate Change":

https://political-theory.org/resources/Documents/Kysar.Ways%20Not%20to%20Think%20About%20Climate%20Change.pdf

It's been accepted for the upcoming American Society for Political and Legal Philosophy conference on climate change:

https://political-theory.org/13257256

It's quite a bracing read! The next time someone tells you we should hand Elon Musk billions to in exchange for making it possible to legally manufacture vast fleets of SUVs because we need to try "all of the above," send them a copy of this paper.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/31/carbon-upsets/#big-tradeoff

#pluralistic #neoliberalism #climate #market worship #economics #economism #there is no alternative #carbon credits #climate emergency #contrafactual carbon #carbon upsets #apologetics #murder offsets #indulgences

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