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52. Who would you challenge to a fart-off and why? Would you or your competitor(s) win?

52. Who would you challenge to a fart-off and why? Would you or your competitor(s) win?

Aw man. The sad truth is that if we're being realistic, I wouldn’t challenge someone to a fart-off, and it’s for the sad fact that I just don’t have the farting abilities needed for one. My average is just a few small ones per day. I consider myself lucky if I can get out one noticeably huge fart. The rare nights when I can blast two or more of those are incredibly special.

However, let’s suppose that it IS one of those nights. I’m filled up with the stuff that gets me gassy and it’s working. My dream answer is that one day, this would be my romantic partner. I hope I can be with someone who could confidently smother me with love and gas every day. I’d playfully let one rip as we’re hanging together on the couch, and they would already know that a challenge has been made and that the fart-off is on.

If we’re talking about real people, I have a couple of them in mind. I’ve recently been chatting with @fartymule, who says she’s constantly gassy. If we ever had a friendly hang-out IRL, I might initiate a fart-off to have her prove it. ;3 There’s also @thewizardfartbane, who isn’t active on Tumblr much anymore (but is on Bluesky!). He’s both a friend of mine and one of the hottest farters I know. I’d absolutely give him an excuse like this to bust out that gas.

In all cases, of course, my competitor would win. Even at my gassiest, I can’t measure up to real seasoned farters. But honestly, as long as I’ve gotten someone to put me in my place with frequent loud farts, I’ve already won.

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49

49. Your thoughts/ratings on the different kinds of farts: odourless, wet, smell and frequent, etc. (Look up a list or make up your own)

Ooh, interesting! I’ll make an impromptu list from these categories and a few others that occur to me, and answer them in terms of:

Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE

Odorless farts: Not a fan | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE For me, odorless farts are always a safe bet, you know? The smell of a fart is only appealing to me if I really like and know a person, and even then, my nose can still be offended if the smell is bad enough. An odorless fart can help me focus on the sound and situation a fart is in, which are also part of the fun.

Pungent farts: Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE Like I said above, smell is subjective. A pungent and heavy-smelling fart is only appealing to me if it’s from someone I’m already attracted to, and even then, certain ranges of smell will just turn me off depending. The right smell will get me nuzzling a butt, but it’s entirely up to chance if a person is capable of making it or not.

Wet farts: Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE I’m not into scat stuff of any kind, and wet farts are lumped into that. I can sometimes enjoy them in a fictional context, but that’s a BIG “sometimes”, and this doesn’t extend to IRL.

Frequent farts: Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE I envy and adore the way that some people can just fart their way through the entire night. My dream guy is someone with an energy efficient gut: just a little fuel will go a long way. ;3

High-pitched farts: Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE I feel bad to be harsh, but the high-pitched stuff can sometimes get on my nerves. Not always, of course! A cute high-pitched fart absolutely has its place. But when someone is only capable of making long drawn out high-pitched stuff, I get kinda bored. I’m much more a fan of…

Bassy farts: Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE Now THESE are my jam. Nothing impresses me more than someone who can blast out those extra-special low rumbly farts.

“Hyper” farts: Not a fan | Depends | Kinda like | Really like! | LOVE My relationship with hyper farts is complicated. They can be really fun, especially when used in an inventive way. However, when the hyper aspect is leaned into too much, I get a bit bored. Destroying entire city blocks, for instance, feels too far-fetched to be sexy. However, if it’s juuuust hyper enough, like farting hard enough to stumble over or blow papers/people’s hair around, or maybe farting enough to physically bloat up the stomach of somebody who has dared to swallow all those farts… now THAT’S art.

Thanks for asking!

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From the April Fools Fart questions:

3.Have you ever farted too carelessly that it promoted into a shart instead?

15.What have you done to try and hide your farts? Have they worked?

56.Describe your most rancid fart.

3. Have you ever farted too carelessly that it promoted into a shart instead?

Fortunately, I can say that this has never happened to me! As much as I love farting, sharting isn’t my cup of tea.

15. What have you done to try and hide your farts? Have they worked?

Hmm… when I’m out in public, I either maintain a brisk pace if I’m actively walking (to quote one of my favorite Game Grumps bits, “No one will ever know! I’ll be miles from here!”), or I sneak off to a place that’s isolated and/or strongly scented. Stores that sell incense or perfume (or that have really strongly smelling soap sections) are life savers.

If I’m around people, then I try to disguise how I move to let out a fart silently. I’ll pretend like I’m only stretching or working a kink out of my back, when in reality, I’m lifting a hip and letting something slowly hiss out.

Usually all of these strategies work. However, silently letting out farts around people is always risky in case they smell. I don’t think my farts are rank enough to cause a commotion, but it can be embarrassing if I realize I’m surrounded by a sudden funk. In that case, I just remain very neutral and act like nothing happened. It’s up to the other people to address it and make it real.

56. Describe your most rancid fart.

Hmmm…. nope!

Like I’ve said before, my farts aren’t really “rancid,” and even then, my strengths don’t lie in describing fart smells. Sorry to disappoint you there!

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Let's go for #4 and #46 for the April Fools fart questions!

4. If you could somehow imitate a song with your farts, what song would it be?

Huh, interesting question! I’ve not really thought about this much, so I don’t have an answer. However, I have thought that it would be really fun (and hot) to have a bunch of people together who have tuned their farts to a specific note, and then everyone farts one after another so that their cumulative farts create a song.

46. Have you or anyone else accidentally farted during an intense moment?

Ah, yes. One time when I was still dating my ex, we had sex when I was unexpectedly gassy and things soon got intense enough that I just couldn’t control what came out of me. It was simultaneously super embarrassing and one of the hottest things to happen to me.

Thanks for asking!

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These were over the span of a few days. This should give you an idea of what it's like to walk with me! Or what it sounds like, I guess! 🐎💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨

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April Fools: Fart Questions

You are free to modify this to answer for characters instead.

Have there been any intense or serious moments when you needed to fart but had to hold it in?

Where was the most inappropriate place or moment where you've accidentally or purposely farted?

Have you ever farted too carelessly that it promoted into a shart instead?

If you could somehow imitate a song with your farts, what song would it be?

When was the first time you've farted around your partner or friends?

What do you think of farts?

Do you like farts or farting?

Your opinion(s) on fart jokes?

What was your longest fart?

What are your farts like in general? (Length, stink, volume, etc)

Was there a time you farted and you blamed someone else for it? Did people believe you?

When was a time that someone else farted and you got blamed instead?

Do you know how to cup a fart and throw it?

Is there someone you want to cup a fart and throw it at them? Who is it and why?

What have you done to try and hide your farts? Have they worked?

What's the longest time you've held in a farts and why?

What scents do you use to hide your farts?

Describe the funniest sounds your farts have ever made.

Have you ever choked from a fart? Or witnessed someone else choke on one?

Have you ever farted so hard that it caused your clothes or something else to shake?

Are you comfortable enough to fart around your friends?

Rank the farts in your social circle or your own farts.

Imagine fart sounds in the last YouTube video you've watched, what was it and how would the video have gone?

Have you ever spoken with someone and it's obvious that they're dying to fart and you're holding them back?

When was that time you had to hold it in and couldn't get relief because someone was talking to you/you had something important to finish in public?

Have you ever walked into a fart cloud?

Have others walked into your fart cloud?

What do you do in those moments when you fart under the blanket and it's trapped there? Do you get rid of it? Keep it trapped in there?

What do you eat/drink that makes you fart like a maniac?

What are your favourite fart sounds?

Have you ever ruined a moment with a fart?

Is there a moment where you wish you could ruin or enhance with a fart?

Are your farts strong enough to blow out a candle?

What terms do you use to call farts or the action of letting out a fart? Letting it rip? Cut the cheese? Pass gas? Wind? Something else?

Farting is a natural thing. Do you think people should do it more and without shame? Why or why not?

Has there been a time when you thought you were alone and farted but it turned out someone was there/someone came right around the corner?

What are your fart patterns?

What are your techniques to farting discreetly?

Was there a time you tried to be discreet but failed miserably?

Has there been a time when you had to hold in your laughter due to farts?

If you were to create music with your farts, how would it go?

What do your farts sound like?

What's your favourite place to fart?

Who do you know has the most amazing farts and why?

Do you have any merch related to farts?

Have you or anyone else accidentally farted during an intense moment?

Has something or someone made a sound similar to a fart and you think it's funny?

Has a fart ever gotten you/someone else in trouble?

Your thoughts/ratings on the different kinds of farts: odourless, wet, smell and frequent, etc. (Look up a list or make up your own)

Do you have a fart rival? (Someone to out-fart)

Has farting ever gotten you out of a sticky situation or put you into one?

Who would you challenge to a fart-off and why? Would you or your competitor(s) win?

Have you ever been so startled you let out a fart?

What kind of superpower would your farts grant you? (Ex: Laserfart is a hero who can fart out lasers)

If you could fart on a belonging of your menace, what would it be and why?

Describe your most rancid fart.

Has there been a time when a fart has helped you?

Any neat tricks you can do with your farts?

If you were to give your farts a color, what color would it be?

Write a fart haiku (or other type of poem).

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Your TDOV scenario made me think of the Flatulence Spell from Enchaņted Folk/Magícian’s Quest

Oh neat! I haven’t played that game before, but it’s cool to hear about other places where fart magic pops up :3

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Yesterday's toots! I wasn't too gassy, but the gas didn't want to leave! After some unsatisfying releases, I took a deflatulent to help the gas find the way out. (,,>﹏<,,)=3 *prrt!*

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A special fart kink thought for Trans Day of Visibility:

In a magical world, one transgender wizard invents a unique spell for Trans Day of Visibility: for the entire 24-hour period, they’re incredibly gassy, and all their farts are visible as blue, pink, and white clouds. For fun, they post their spell on the magical marketplace (in this world, I’m imagining that you can “buy�� the instructions for unique spells like recipes), not thinking that anyone would take it seriously.

They almost think that the deluge of orders they receive the very next day are part of an April Fool’s joke.

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The sounds of a six pack of O'Doul's, the last of my leftover chili, dried mango, and sugar free ice cream. I had the apartment to myself...

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i'm up with a tummy ache wondering what i ate 🦨

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I don't see enough fart kink stuff get incorporated into pet play! What about a gassy cart pony nonchalantly farting, each step altering the sound of their high-fiber diet farts as they knock around between their plump buttocks, the owner of course being downwind of their flatulent beast of burden.

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We need to talk about how the very first impression Nintendo gave us of the new Tomodachi Life is a girl absentmindedly ripping ass at the beach. This is... wild.

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I just got an idea for a fart OC today purely based off a phrase I heard in Duolingo. The only problem is that it’d be pretty literal naming, which would be great if this was, like, an MLP character. Then that led me to ACTUALLY make this character a pony fart OC. Would people even be interested if I made pony fart OCs? Or is that not among the interests of the followers I’ve got here? Would anyone care?

Anyway. Vent Chaud. His name’s pronounced exactly like it would be in French. He’s a young unicorn aristocrat from a particularly noble family, whose members are known across Equestrian for having strong elemental powers. Unfortunately for his family’s reputation, his fire/heat magic flows through his guts as much as his horns, giving him constant, searing hot wind. His ass is used to it, but anyone around him will feel the temperature rise a few degrees when he lets one slip, and anyone in the path of one of his farts has a risk of getting burned. His special talent turns out to be fueling and piloting hot air balloons.

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I love the idea of somebody being proud of the way their partner can FART. This doesn’t even have to relate to a fetish. This person’s admiration of the utter size and/or length of their significant other’s flatulence is so sincere that they don’t even need to be horny about it (although being horny about it is always appreciated).

Just love the idea of this person standing outside a public restroom while utter explosions of gas echo from within. As a small crowd forms to listen in horror as the onslaught of farts just continues, this person turns to one shocked bystander and says, with a smile, “That one’s all mine."

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What if we had a cute dinner date and then you ripped ass in my face for awhile 🥹✨✨

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they just keep getting bigger and bassier 🫨