#how the fuck am i supposed to already have a huge friend group

[scherzosa]

loving the university life except I have no friends and feel like there's something wrong with me

[blublublujk]

baby if only you knew

oneshot

word count: 5k

genre: strangers to lovers, hybrid world

pairings: wolf hybrid reader x bunny hybrid jungkook

summary:

“Do you still think that?” “Think what?” The bunny looks confused for a second.  “That I’m the prettiest hybrid.” You say, your heart on your sleeve but it doesn't matter anymore.  “Yes.” He answers with no hesitation. “I like you. A lot. I have for some time.”  “I like you too, Jungkookie.” There’s some comfortable silence for some time as you both stare at each other longingly. “Be my girlfriend pup?”  “Yes bun, a million times yes.” 

warnings: this got a bit fluffy but things speed up once we get past the slow part i swear. explicit sexual content; dirty talk, pet play (IDK they are hybrids so), unprotected sex, since he's a bunny everything is fast okay, knotting, come inflation, slight breeding kink, pussy eating, slick since reader is an omega, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie

a.n: ik yall probably had no faith on me to come back but here i am keeping my promise. october was supposed to be a good month for me but it was so shitty so forgive me but i bring this as an apology. i'll be back on halloween with some ghost hoseok x reader content hehe that was supposed to be released first but i'll keep that for the spirit of halloween. see you then! ^.^

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

–

Jungkook is an amazing boyfriend. He’s generous, sweet, he cares for the people around him, and most of all he’s understanding and patient with those around him. He’s genuinely a fucking angel sent down to bless the earth. Truly, you were beyond lucky to call him yours. 

In a world of hybrids, it wasn’t so abnormal to see hybrids of different breeds together. When you first met Jungkook, you hadn’t even realized he was of a different mix. There was a story for that but that would come later. 

Jungkook did his best to tuck his huge bunny ears into a beanie/hood or anything that would cover them— which was really the only way to immediately tell he was a bunny hybrid mix, besides the obvious indicator (his nose would twitch cutely). The bunny never spoke about that around you so from the very first day you had laid eyes on him, you assumed he was nothing more than a sweet, strong alpha (solely based on the way he would carry himself) with big beautiful brown doe starry eyes. 

The day soon came where you would find that wasn’t at all true, seeing him outside of college campus grounds. As you stepped inside a local diner to meet with friends, you were drawn to the hybrid instantly, spotting him way too quickly. It was as if you had already imprinted on the man and maybe you had but you weren’t ready to admit that yet. He was stuffing his cheeks with a cheeseburger, chopping it down as if someone would take it directly off his hands. Friends surrounded him, they smiled and patted his back realizing how quickly the younger was eating his meal. The scene brought a smile to your face as you watched one of his Hyung’s wipe the mess around his mouth though it should have grossed you out, it was really endearing.

“Y/N!” Elsie yells from across the diner, ripping your attention from the group of men. 

“Hey kitty!” 

Elsie was a cat hybrid as if it wasn’t already obvious by her beautiful furry ears and long orange tail always giving her away, well that and her long red-painted claws. People always said cats and dogs don’t mix, but you beg to differ. Elsie is the most caring and outgoing kitty you know. 

She throws an arm around your shoulders. “Missed you, pup.” 

“I was only gone for a week.” Fall break was typically the time where your parents would beg  you to come back home even if it was just for a week and of course because you felt it was the least you could do, you booked the first flight out and stayed for the whole break. Even if it was only a week, it felt long regardless because home doesn’t feel like home anymore. However, it was nice spending time with your family, regarding the fact that you nearly booked a flight back two days after you landed. 

“A week too long.” Lira pouts. She’s also a cat hybrid. Sadly, she was missing her tail after an accident she had when she was still a kitten. She didn’t need the tail anyways, her fluffy gray kitty ears stood beautifully on top of her head. 

Lira wraps her arms around what is free, basically all space where Elsie hasn’t occupied, while Elsie’s tail brushes gently behind your back. 

“We missed you.” Elsie sighs against your neck, her sweet cinnamon scent rubbing into your skin. 

“I missed you guys even more.” You feel Lira smile beside you and you know she tries to hold back from dropping her fresh scent into the air, but soon enough peppermint reaches your nose and you are in full delight. It isn’t long before you release your own sweet, calming pheromones. “Seriously, it was so hard to concentrate back home. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but it was hell. My sister wouldn’t stop nagging about her brat of a boyfriend all week long. Can’t believe she found a boyfriend before me and she’s only fifteen! What have I done to deserve this?” 

The two hybrids laugh, releasing the tight hold they had little by little. 

“Oh Y/N, if you would just let yourself love and be loved you too would have found a boyfriend so long ago!” Lira simply explains without much other given context. 

“You know she’s right.” Elsie’s tail is now wrapped securely around your hip, the touch is soft but it’s comforting and makes you feel extra snug. “I mean just how long have you been pining for Mr. Can’t-Actually-Say-His-Name-Because-You’ll-Kill-Me.” 

Your eyes follow her gaze right across where Jungkook and his friends are sitting and you feel yourself melt into the seat. 

“Shut up.” You mumble. “I don’t pin after him.”

“Oh, you totally do.” Lira buts in. “‘Oh Jungkook, if you ever need help with that just let me know.’ You seriously believe that we didn’t notice the way you batted your eyes at him while you basically threw yourself at him.” 

“I did NOT bat my eyes at him. And I definitely didn’t THROW myself at him.” You yell-whisper in case any hybrids around are listening in. 

Elsie clicks her tongue. “No, you definitely did.” 

“See, told ya.” Lira digresses, sitting more comfortably against the booth. “Anyways, did you hear about…”

“Jungkook-ah, slow down. That burger isn’t going to run away.” Seokjin affectionately scolds, wiping the area around his mouth with a napkin. “Messy bunny.”

“So hungry.” Jungkook says with a mouth full. 

“Yeah, be grateful Hyung loves you.” The hamster hybrid says with no meaningful threat. 

“Love you!” Jungkook smiles shamelessly at his hyung. 

“Don’t look, but Y/N walked through the door.” Taehyung informs the table as he watches you walk towards your friends. They all burst into laughter watching Jungkook choke on his burger the second he hears your name being yelled. 

“S-She’s here?” He is quick to hide his face behind Seokjin’s broad shoulders but he shoves him back in his seat, happy with his doing when Jungkook’s face turns red.

“Jungkook-ah, my guy, when are you gonna admit you like this pup?” From across him speaks Jimin, his cat ears seem to stand tall, interested in his answer. 

“Hyung, I don’t like her.” Jungkook whines, having no choice but to hide his face behind his hands. “I just think she’s very cool and nice, that’s all.” 

Taehyung raises a brow. “Jungkook you nearly fall to your knees whenever you see her walk in class. Her presence alone leaves you a stuttering mess.” 

“N-No.” The bunny hybrid stutters. “Okay, fine. I like her.” 

Hoseok laughs with his body, grabbing onto Jimin’s shoulder. “Why don’t you just ask the pup out?” 

Jungkook’s face feels hot and he shrugs. “I don’t know… she doesn’t even know my hybrid mix yet.”

“Uh, I think the huge bunny ears give that away.” Yoongi says and points towards his head. 

“Yeah, but I hide them.” Jungkook shamefully admits. He was lucky to be wearing his hood when you came in. Usually the bunny carries his beanie with him everywhere, but today he was out with his friends so he didn’t think it was necessary. 

He’s hoping you didn’t notice. He doesn’t think you would mind that much, but he’s still insecure in the way that he wishes he was something cooler like his Hyung Namjoon. A whole alpha wolf hybrid mix. Why did he have to be born a fucking bunny? He’s embarrassed to admit it. What if you turn him away? Laugh in his face? You surely wouldn't, right? You are the nicest pup he knows. 

“Jungkook-ah…” Hoseok shakes his head, clearly in disapproval.

“I know Hyung. I know. I said I wouldn’t hide anymore, but I can’t help it. She makes me so nervous.” Jungkook lays back, Taehyung's palm goes to rub circles behind his back. “To be fair, I didn’t hide it at first, I was so used to wearing my hoodie in class so people wouldn’t talk to me…” 

—-

Two Months Ago 

“Hey.” 

Jungkook looks up to find a classmate he seems to have never noticed or seen before. He thinks you must be new. 

“I- sorry to bother you. You were the closest person to the door and I was just wondering if you could direct me to room 301. I think I’m in the wrong place.” The stranger (you) pulls her own hood down, revealing the cutest dog ears. He wondered if you were an alpha like his hyung. You nervously play with your strings as you wait for his reply. 

“No it’s okay. Don’t apologize. You’re in the right room. Actually, the room numbers are found on a silver plate by the door, but the plate fell off for this room and nobody seems to have the time to fix it.” The hybrid’s nose twitches cutely as he speaks, his doe-eyes glow in the light filtering the room. 

“Oh, okay. Do you mind if I sit next to you? The room is pretty packed.” You ask quietly, hoping the cute hybrid will agree. Meanwhile, you wonder about his breed. 

“S-Sure. The seat beside me isn’t taken.” He gestures for you to sit. 

“Thanks.” You smile. “You must be a wolf hybrid right? Your eyes give it all away, you’re a cute pup!” 

Jungkook’s heart drops. One because you think he’s cute and he also thinks you’re cute, but two because you think he’s a wolf hybrid. If only you knew what was under his hood. Now, he’s humiliated so he does what anyone foolish enough would do. 

“Y-Yeah.” He agrees and doesn’t say much after that.

“Sorry. Was I too forward?” Maybe he isn’t interested in being friends, you felt so stupid. 

“No!” He answers all too quickly and brings attention to himself. “I mean- no. Thank you. You must be a wolf hybrid yourself.” 

You smile because he noticed your ears of course. “Yes! An omega.” 

So you weren’t an alpha but an omega, Jungkook thinks you became cooler by the second. Even though the classroom is filled with all different kinds of scents. Jungkook thinks he smells a new one. His nose has always been extremely sensitive, but he thinks he smells cotton candy which is new. 

“Oh. I’m an alpha.” He lies, feeling extremely guilty. His hyung won’t mind if he steals his identity for a minute (Namjoon definitely will). 

“Of course you are. Only someone with a jawline and arms like that could be an alpha.” You smile and turn your attention back towards the front of the room where the professor seems to have just arrived. 

“Yeah.” Jungkook lamely replies and fakes a smile. God what did he get himself into? 

…

“She thought I was a wolf hybrid Hyung.” Jungkook tells his embarrassing story and his hyungs look back at him apologetically. 

“That’s still no reason to lie to her Jungkookie.” Hoseok reasons as usual. “I really think you should come clean. She’s a sweet pup. You wouldn’t like it if the situation was reversed.”

Jungkook pouts, nevertheless agreeing. Of course he’ll come clean. You deserve nothing but the truth. He’s just terrified that if he comes clean, about his feelings and the fact that he isn’t a wolf hybrid that you’ll turn him away and never speak to him again. He should have faith in you, but his insecurities get to him anyways. 

“I know I will, let's get out of here before—” Jungkook is interrupted by another person and he freezes in his seat. 

“Jungkook?” To Jungkook’s greatest fear, he finds you right by the table, some friends he always finds you with sit across where you had come from and look over with a proud look on their face. 

“I- yeah! Hi.” Jungkook’s awkward and his hyungs can’t help but to laugh at his mess. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” You apologize, ears flattening in your hair, looking adorable. 

“Don’t worry at all. We were just about done here anyways.” The kitty hybrid at the table reassures, you think his name is Jimin and it is confirmed when someone else speaks up. A bear hybrid this time with a deep voice. “Let’s head back to Jimin’s? I’m tired. Jungkook-ah, we’ll catch up with you later. See ya.”

They all stand and Jungkook feels he can throw up when he sees he’s left all alone with you by his side. 

“Do you wanna-”

“Do-”

Both of you start at the same time and it makes you both laugh. You don’t want to get ahead of yourself but you think it’s possible that he may feel the same way and that makes your heart warm. 

“You go first.” The hybrid says between a smile. 

You take a breath before you ask. “Wanna get out of here?” 

Jungkook nods eagerly, looking like a sweet pup before he’s up on his feet. “Sure, I know just the place.” 

The bunny hybrid doesn’t take you far. After like a fifteen minute walk, a lake comes into your vision and you both find a bench to rest your feet for a moment. 

“How-”

“Did-”

Laughter is shared again and suddenly Jungkook is less nervous. He has nothing to worry about around you. 

“Sorry, I was asking how was your fall break?” Jungkook asks while playing with the strings of his hood. 

“Good good! I went to visit my family back home.” Jungkook smiles hearing this. 

“How was that?” 

“Honestly,” you wrap your arms around yourself feeling a bit cold, “it went really well! We hiked around a lot while I was there. We all really love hiking and it’s the way we bond as wolves. Though this time we had a new member join our pack. My sister got a boyfriend. She’s only fifteen but she had fun as well. I think he’s a brat but she loves him so I can deal with him for now.”

The hybrid nods attentively, eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “I see. I have an older brother and he’s been with some fox hybrid since I can remember. He’s married though and I love her. She’s really great.” 

“How old is he?” 

“My brother is ten years older than me.” Jungkook replies in a low tone. “I’ve always been the baby.” 

Even in his entire friend group, Jungkook’s the youngest. Not that he minds, he just wants to be as cool as his hyungs. Being a bunny hybrid isn’t an easy life when everyone finds him cute. He can be cute, but he wants to be strong, cool (maybe sexy as well). 

“I can tell.” You whisper and his giggle calms the butterflies in your stomach. 

“Look there’s something I wanna show you.” Jungkook lets himself breathe for a moment before his hands come to the top of his hood. “I know this is so unexpected and sudden, but I don’t wanna keep lying to you.” 

He breathes one last time through his nose, closes his eyes for a second and drops his hood, letting his fluffy ears hit the fresh air. When he opens his eyes he finds you just as shocked as he imagined you would be. 

“Jungkook.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for hiding something like this. I really didn’t mean to. I-”

Jungkook feels arms wrap around him and he freezes before he realizes all his fears and worries have been for nothing. He hugs you back, squishing you into him. 

“I’m sorry for assuming your hybrid mix bun.” He feels the whisper right below his ear. The bunny holds back a purr when he feels you gently scratch behind his ear.

Bun. Jungkook knows this is terrible timing, but fuck he thinks he could come in his pants right now. His friends and family call him that all the time but it’s never meant anything. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything from your lips either but he’s infatuated with you and has been for a couple months now. The bunny hybrid knows now more than ever that he wouldn’t want it any other way. He wants to be with you forever. 

“I’m sorry.” You pull back to look into his eyes and he shushes you with his lips. They are so soft against your own and you feel yourself hold back your own purr. 

The bunny pulls back so suddenly. “I- I’m sorry!” 

You don’t say anything but smile and reel him in by his strings and your lips crash against his much faster. The kiss is still soft but he doesn’t hold back this time. His lips mold with yours like if it was always meant to be this way. You drop one last kiss before pulling away. He tastes like cherry chapstick and you feel like kissing it off all over again but you hold off. 

“This wasn’t supposed to go in this order.” Jungkook laughs quietly, his hands hold your waist but they are soft to the touch. 

“It’s okay. I liked it.” You say, he watches your own eyes sparkle. 

“I should explain myself now.” The hybrid murmurs and you push off him just a bit, but you remain close and allow him space to speak. “Back when we first met, I had my hood on. Usually, I do that because I don’t like people talking to me.” 

You look at him apologetically but he shakes his head and continues, “you were the exception of course. I thought you were the prettiest hybrid ever and I didn’t want to pass you up so I helped you. I didn't expect anything, but then you called me a wolf hybrid and at the time, I was too embarrassed to admit I was a bunny hybrid.” 

“Oh Jungkook, I’m so sorry.” 

“No no! It’s okay. It was my own insecurities holding me back. I’m not scared anymore. I thought if I had told you I was actually a bunny hybrid that you wouldn’t have taken me seriously. Most people just think I’m some cute little bunny and I’m much more than my breed.” He admits and you feel sorry he would ever think something like that. You never imagined it was possible for other hybrids to think that of themselves, but you feel for him regardless. 

“I believe you. I still think you’re cute but I would never turn you away, Jungkook. You have so many things going for yourself, I wish you could see how cool and attractive you look through my own eyes.” 

Jungkook smiles. “You really think so?”

“Of course. You’re perfect Jungkookie.” And this time you both smile. “Do you still think that?”

“Think what?” The bunny looks confused for a second. 

“That I’m the prettiest hybrid.” You say, your heart on your sleeve but it doesn't matter anymore. 

“Yes.” He answers with no hesitation. “I like you. A lot. I have for some time.” 

“I like you too, Jungkookie.” There’s some comfortable silence for some time as you both stare at each other longingly.

“Be my girlfriend pup?” 

“Yes bun, a million times yes.” 

—-

Once again, Jungkook was the absolute best boyfriend ever. Genuinely the kindest soul and sweetest hybrid. But he was a fucking animal. No pun intended. It was your first time dating a bunny hybrid and you underestimated a lot of things. 

First, the bunny was incredibly needy. You had heard of this. Taehyung had warned you and you didn’t even believe it at first because you were quite clingy yourself, but then you realized it was much worse than you had imagined. Jungkook would pout and whine every time you would try to get up from your morning cuddles. He would tell you things like you could skip work or class for today and you would always disagree. 

“No. Not this time bun.” Jungkook whined, he would try his best puppy eyes on you which almost always worked but not this time. So much for not liking being cute. “No. I’ll see you after class okay? We’ll cuddle all you want after.” 

Jungkook huffs but lets you go anyways. He’ll be waiting for that. 

Second, you underestimated how much a growing bunny could eat. He was already in his last stages of maturing, but damn he could eat. You don’t even eat this much after your heats hit and your appetite is huge during those times. 

“Slow down, bun.” Jungkook would blush and smile with his mouth full. 

“Starving.” He would say even though you had fed him just an hour ago but it was cute. It was just so hard to say no to someone as cute as Jungkook. May he forgive you later for thinking he was the cutest bunny you had ever met but it was true. Jungkook was perfect and he was everything you ever wanted in a partner. 

Thirdly, you underestimated his sex drive. At first, you thought you were a match made in heaven. You would spend your heats with a bunny who tended to have a high libido. It would all work out! He could keep up with you and you would take what you needed during your frenzy heated state. It was perfect. 

Okay no, you definitely underestimated a bunny’s sex drive because Jungkook was a fucking beast. Your heats would hit every three months and Jungkook was more than happy to help. He was genuinely perfect. He would make sure you always had water and cold towels around to cool you down. The bunny would often check on you between rounds, during rounds, and especially after you had come down from the frenzy wave of your heats. 

It was one of those moments where you realized he was much more in need of this than you were. Bunny’s are in need of a lot of sex possibly more than any other hybrid. Jungkook would fuck you to oblivion for ten minutes straight and after twenty minutes as you cooled off, he was ready for more. Sex with Jungkook was beyond exhausting, but you wouldn’t change a damn thing. 

“W-Wait Jungkook, oh my god.” The bunny rammed his hips in and out of you at quick speed. His hands forcing your hips up, keeping you right where he wanted. “I’m gonna come again.”

Your voice falls out into whines and whimpers and still, Jungkook doesn’t hold back. He feels the second you start to fall apart writhing against the sheets every time you feel him hit your sweet spot. “Already pup?”

“Nghh.” Nothing stops the high pitched moan that rips through the room while Jungkook fucks into you with precision. “D-Don’t. Please don’t stop. ” 

Jungkook loves it when you get like this. All fucked out. Barely holding yourself together. He sees the way you cling to the sheets below, your slick is everywhere but that’s exactly how the bunny likes it. He’s convinced the neighbors could smell it by the way you keep pushing that sweet slick out. 

The scent of cotton candy hits his nose by a tenfold and he loves it. You’re coming right on his cock and that’s how it always should be, but suddenly he’s greedy. 

The bunny is quick to slip out of you and you want to shove him right back in, but he replaces his cock with his tongue and nothing else matters again. It’s like he’s addicted. Jungkook used to think he hated being a hybrid. Having the ability to smell all sorts of scents used to drive him insane and somehow, nothing is better than smelling your sweet, sweet scent. It drives him fucking insane.

“Fuck!” You scream. The bunny is buried nose deep into your pussy, forcing all your addicting slick to fall into his tongue. He inhales the fucking juices like it’s a meal. “I- I think I’ll come again.” 

Jungkook can’t help but to smile even while he’s in the middle of eating you out. He flicks his tongue around your clit, nibbling on it like the good bunny he is. The sensation starts to build all too quickly and another orgasm rips through your body. The world goes black for a second. 

You passed out and the next time you wake up, you feel the hybrid rubbing his length behind you. 

You both never even bothered getting dressed when your heat would hit. There was no use of clothes anyways. It wouldn’t matter if he would find a way to drop you on his knot every fucking minute he could. 

He presses his hard-on between your cheeks and you feel slick start to ready you up for him. 

“Again?” You croak, voice still filled with fatigue. 

Jungkook kisses your back softly as he caresses your hips (it’s the way he asks for forgiveness). He was a sweet bunny. “Sorry babe. You smell so fucking good. Just like me.” 

“Yeah because you’ve been coming all over me. There’s a bugde in my stomach. You’ve ruined me bun.” The bunny smiles against your skin and apologizes again in between kisses along your bare shoulder. 

His cock makes his way between your cheeks and you feel the tip against your slicken folds (you don’t know if it’s slick or his come). “Just the tip baby.” 

He whispers and you roll your eyes because it’s never just the tip but who are you to deny your sweet boyfriend of absolutely anything. “Go ahead bunny.” 

Jungkook sighs as the head of his dick eases into your pussy. He actually keeps his word and doesn’t go any further. The bunny takes his time, slowly rolling his hips into you. You hear him groan against your ear. “So good for me pup. All mine.” 

The bunny growls as his hand touches the bulge that formed in your stomach. He would keep his come inside you every single day if he could. Fuck everything else. 

The bulge reminds him of what it could be. He can’t wait to see you filled with his own pups. The bunny moans imagining your swollen belly, you would probably taste sweeter than ever. He might just breed you right now. Fuck birth control. 

“Kook.” He hears you moan lightly. “‘S not enough.” 

He smirks knowing his girl. “I know pup. Need my help?” 

You only nod, moaning again when you feel him pick up the pace. He’s still behind you and his hand leaves your stomach to pull your cheeks apart. He thrust himself fully inside you grunting into your ear. “So tight still even after last night.”

You squeeze your walls around him as he picks up his pace again, he tries his best in the position you are both in but he gets frustrated within the second and lifts one of your legs up, fucking his dick into your pussy easier. The bunny moans praises as he continues to ram himself into you. “So pretty. So beautiful. All mine.” 

“Yours. All yours.” You agree, feeling so fucked already. 

Jungkook pulls out for a second before he pushes you back against the bed and tugs your legs open for him. The bunny sits between your legs while he contemplates whether he wants to eat you out or stuff his knot into you.

You notice this and intervene. “No. Fuck me. Please.” 

He supposes he can let you decide for now. Jungkook lines his cock with your pussy and eases himself back inside you. This way he feels much better and he doesn’t struggle hitting your g-spot within the minute. 

“Knot. Need your knot bun.” You start to beg as slick falls out of you, your body clearly preparing you for a knot. 

“Yeah?” Jungkook breathes harshly, his ears twitch watching you fall into a desperate state. “Beg for it, omega.” 

Omega. Jungkook never calls you that unless he knows you are far too deep into it to care. Hybrids do not call each other by their status unless they are a part of that mix themselves, but Jungkook has always pushed his luck. He knows it drives you insane. 

“Please bun. I- wan- knot. Please knot me.” Your words start to go incoherent and he loves every second of it. The hybrid pulls out grabs some slick that has fallen into the sheets and covers his length with it fucking it back into you. His pace is significantly faster now, he plants hands into the sheets below as you wrap your arms and legs around him. He fucks into relentlessly, not worried about the noise being made. The headboard keeps smacking into the wall but he could care less. His neighbors hate him for sure but what does it matter when he has you under him. So desperate and perfect. 

Your moans are almost yells now and he only goes faster. And faster. And then much faster. This is when you really realize who you are with. A whole bunny hybrid. He’s so fast. Much faster than any of your loser ex’s. They don’t even compare for one second to what Jungkook is capable of. He always keeps you full and sated. It is as if he made for you and you for him.  

He feels his knot start to inflate and his nostrils flare, smelling your scent sweeten. Sweat coats his body but he doesn’t let up. “Bun will knot you now, my sweet pup. My omega.” 

Your legs start to shake around him as heat rushes down and you come as soon as you feel his knot ram into your g-spot. You are a complete goner, coming and squirting all over his knot. The bulge inside your stomach is beautiful and it grows bigger as he comes deeply into you, holding his knot and previous orgasms. 

Even though you definitely feel faint, you are proud of yourself for keeping your eyes open as his knot locks you both in place. Jungkook is careful when laying back behind you, feeling the knot tug at you both lightly. 

“You okay?” He asks in a whisper, pushing the hair out of your sweaty face. He kisses your pink cheeks. God he’s so lucky. “I love you. So much.”

“Yes. ‘M perfect bunny. I love you more.” You whisper, and lull back to sleep in the arms of your lover. 

Seriously, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if dick could kill you, so be it.

[fernsnailz]

take this ask as a free ticket to freely hate on elemental (WE SUPPORT THE HATER GRIND WOOO)

ok so to preface. i have only seen elemental once. it was in theaters. i did NOT pay money to see it (my friend worked at the theater and we got in for free). we also saw it in 3D (would not recommend). i chugged a canned margarita beforehand (WOULD NOT RECOMMEND). i sobered up halfway through the movie and had a terrible time. needless to say i am not a fan of elemental (2023)

below is an edited version of the review/rant i sent to the group chat afterwards. BE WARNED IT'S REALLY LONG.

much later edit: personally i think i did a very bad job of critiquing this movie in this ask, and some of the opinions i expressed below are some pretty bad faith takes. i still think this movie is worthy of criticism, but not in this form and not from a guy who chugged a margarita before seeing it.

ok so the big point of discussion with elemental i've seen is usually around the allegory it uses to portray its themes of race, immigration, and prejudice. generally speaking, it's my opinion that trying to portray concepts of this weight and depth with an allegory or metaphor is already a terrible idea*. this isn't stuff that you can make simpler to understand by portraying minorities as fire people or predator animals or whatever great new idea disney is cooking up next, because this isn't stuff that can just be MADE simpler. if anything, allegory makes discussion about race more complicated because you have to explore why racism and prejudice, an inherently illogical belief, exists within said allegorical world. usually said fictional explanation just seems to justify prejudice - for example, the allegory in zootopia is straight up DANGEROUS to compare to real world racism because predators, aka zootopia's minorities, literally used to hunt and eat prey animals (the majority). with this in mind, elemental is already off to a bad start since disney has a bad history with allegories of this kind.

(*EDIT: this is gonna eat me alive if i don't clarify this because i realized too late that i spoke WAY too generally here. to clarify, i'm mostly talking about creating an entire allegorical world that lacks humans here - allegory can be a very powerful way to portray a human experience, and i don't want it to seem like i'm arguing that allegory and metaphor can't be used at all to create a powerful story about race and prejudice. for example, here's a short film that i really like called OverWeight. it's about losing one's culture and identity, and that theme is explored entirely through a bag of luggage. and it's really good! just want to clarify that i'm not advocating for only extreme realism and a lack of magic here, but instead against using huge, non-human allegorical worlds that replace these human experiences. thx bye)

thankfully, elemental never got as bad a zootopia in its portrayal of prejudice (at least in my opinion), but that's not saying much. it mostly just feels kinda confused - as far as i know, fire people are supposed to serve as a sort of "immigrant everyman" allegory which is. not how that works. immigrants of different races and ethnicities are going to have different struggles and experiences, and trying to boil everything down into four different elements that fit every kind of person under an allegorical umbrella is over complicating everything again through a veil of simplicity. it's almost like all of this would be fixed if they just told a story about real human people instead of turning them into water and fire people but i mean WHAT DO I FUCKING KNOW!!!!

oh also the worldbuilding of elemental is. kinda ass. to further explain: fire people are the only immigrant characters really explored in depth, and a good amount of the worldbuilding around them is actually pretty interesting. they have their own language that the characters speak every now and then, they have their own foods, customs, and culture that you can definitely tell a decent amount of thought was put into. which i liked! and then you learn that the country they come from is literally called Fire Land. just Fire Land. i doubled over when they said that because compared to everything else, it’s so out of left field and just. GAHH. it really reeks of "exec in the disney board room wanted to make part of the movie about prejudice easier to understand for The Kiddies" and i hate it. god.

this is consistent throughout the film, a lot of genuinely interesting worldbuilding is intermingled with surface level, bottom of the barrel ideas that just feel. so confusing. like a big theme the movie centers around is gentrification and how the city (called “Element City,” by the way (SCREAMS)) is not built with fire people in mind. i like this concept a lot and they show this in some interesting ways! a main conflict centers about how water is flooding ember's home, and there are multiple moments where high-action scenes are revolved around ember just navigating the city and trying to avoid water, something that most of the city’s residents wouldn’t have issue with. i thought that was really good! it was something that, surprisingly, was very relatable! and then the movie goes full zootopia and just like. has one of the characters call the fire girl a slur (the slur was “fireball”) which, reasonably makes ember mad, but then the character that did the slurring faces NO narrative repercussions for her actions because. ???????????????? i don't know??? you would think that a movie that turns issues of class and race into a fun cutesy little allegory would at least take the time to go "hey kids! let's not call minorities slurs" but instead the Slur Woman ends up helping ember and wade on their shitty little romantic sidequest and never once seems to express any remorse. cool! great!!!! WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS???????

by the way who fucking wrote this who put all these element puns in here. there are so many element puns in the movie i want to eat the writers of elemental. i’m mostly made of carbon but i do not walk around like “wow what a long workday we have fellow coworkers, i guess we have to CARBON diem, amirite?” please kill me

the varying quality in the worldbuilding and allegory of elemental just goes to show that this movie would have likely worked better if it focused on humans on earth rather than elements residing in a confusing elemental world - previous pixar works like bao and turning red show that pixar movies that focus on real experiences told from a human perspective with a magical realism twist can work really well! the allegory of elemental makes its characters and experiences feel distant, i spent more time trying to understand the world of the movie than the characters and their struggle. that could be a me problem, but the world was so goddamn broken in the first place that i felt like i COULDN’T focus on anything else. idk can we just tell like actual stories about actual marginalized people without turning them into The Trope of the Week i’m so tired

and by the way. i do not like the character designs in this movie one bit. ember looks like if you asked a middle schooler to design a fire woman. "ohhhhh we're pixar and we have to give all of our woman characters a pencil thin waist and big feminine eyes and skinny little legs" i want to explode.

ok we're getting into just batshit insane rant territory here now. so with that in mind I FUCKING HATE WADE. from the moment he appeared on that screen i knew i had it out for that motherfucker. the first thing he does is start crying over a situation that HE CAN SOLVE. he’s a city inspector that gets caught in the flood overtaking ember’s home, and the FIRST thing he does is start writing up violations he sees in the basement of ember’s family home. and then. he has the audacity to CRY ABOUT IT because it’s sooooooo tragic that her dad’s shop is going to be shut down because of HIM. the movie frames the water people as overly emotional because they cry alot (because they’re made out of water, of course!!! isn't that so funny!!!!!!!), but wade’s actions make it clear that those tears are FAKE because he does NOTHING to help ember in the first scene they meet. then, only after ember explains to him that there’s LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY her family can survive if the shop is shut down, does wade agree to help her out. kill me

oh btw wade being very emotional and crying a lot is NOT a bad thing and imo most modern stories need more emotional male characters. but. elemental treats wade's crying mostly as a running gag more than anything. which just kinda doubles around to being misogynistic again

wade continues to be a fucking nuisance to my psyche, even after leaving that theater. i did not enjoy the romance between ember and wade because i hated 50% of that duo. ember was ok i liked her enough bUT I WANTED TO KILL WADE. they try to spin him like “ohhhhh hes a little bit clumsy and goofy and a little bit dorky ahah don’t you like him?” as if that doesn’t describe most of the male love interests in every movie released after 1990. the two sit on a beach where ember is on the verge of a meltdown because they haven’t been able to save her dad’s shop, and one of the things wade says to comfort her is “i think you’re beautiful like this tho uwu” HUH????????? who tf is trying to make moves while someone is having an anxiety attack i SWEAR to god. i want to use wade as bong water i hate him so much

and then. ember gives him some glass that she sculpted to look like a flower she likes. it’s a nice sculpture. later in the movie, wade is like “hey ember i have something for you” and then just. gives her the sculpture back. and they treat it like he gave her a gift of his own like bro SHE gave that to YOU WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????

the one act wade does for ember before the big climax revolves around taking her to see some underwater flowers - it’s a nice sequence, but it’s not a gift that’s exclusively from him. they have to get the cloud lady that called ember a slur to help make an underwater bubble to contain ember. fucking. come ONNNNN

wade dies in the climax of the movie. straight up he evaporates from heat and they’re like “awww he’s gone :(“ and they manage to bring him back but i really wish he stayed dead. would have been worth it if he died. but no. there's so. many weird little things in this movie that make my blood run a little too hot. can the genre of kindergarten racism movies please stop here. i am begging i can't do this again please

completely forgot to mention this at the beginning: my friends and i refer to elemental as "The Movie of All Time" because the concept of "element people" or general element-based characters is such a common story trope within young animators and storytellers (at least in our experiences). the number of pitches we've seen about "this character is made of water/has water abilities and this one's made of fire/has fire abilities and they need to find a way to work together/it's a love story!!!" is uncountable. we could not believe this movie was a real pixar production when it was first announced we thought it was a joke

in conclusion. i wish i had another canned margarita halfway through elemental. might have been bearable that way

[antimony-medusa]

So this fandom has a problem with trauma-dumping. We all know it. People are bad in streamers TTS, and we all cringe, and it seems like every major author has to have something in their Ao3 notes to say not to trauma dump, and last night I saw people telling tham n0phis, who is an artist and like 18 or 19, just details and jokes that you should not tell a random person on the internet. It's bad.

But Why is it bad? What's wrong about being honest about how you're feeling?

Okay, this is gonna take a while.

The basic test for "am I being weird/overfamiliar/trauma dumping" is "would you say this to a barista/cashier". Would you walk up to someone whose job is to take your money and give you coffee, while they are at work, and would you say this. This is the place that like 80% of TTS and a surprising number of anons falls down. They break the social rules, and make it awkward and terrible for everybody. But again, why is it bad to say these things to a stranger? If I think someone's hot, if I've been having tramatic things happen why shouldn't I say so?

Conversation is a game for two or more players. You have what you're actually saying in words, and you have a huge amount of information that is being communciated and things that are being assumed based on things like body language, cultural context, setting, etc. Some people find conversation very natural and keep track of all the rules easily, without thinking about it. Some people have to memorize the rules manually. I have had to memorize the rules manually. It is difficult and it sucks, but it's necessary, because the failure state of a successful conversation, what happens when you break the rules of the conversational game we're playing, is you being rude. That is all being rude is, it's breaking the rules of the conversational game. So. How do you avoid being rude?

If you boil allll the rules down to a single rule, it is "if I say this, do I know what the other person is going to say, and are they going to be comfortable with this. Am I changing the rules or setting of the conversational game we're playing." Not what I want them to say, in some imaginary world where we're best friends, but what is likely that this person who doesn't know me, and is having a causual interaction with me, is going to say. And if you have any sense that you are putting the person on the spot, or you're making them uncomfortable, if you are changing the tone of the conversation from "i am here to get you your coffee" to "things you say to a therapist", don't say it.

This is why you don't make suicide jokes in someone else's inbox, because how are you supposed to respond to that? This is why you don't bring up cancer, even if it's very on your mind, because it is rude to inflict the topic "cancer", or any other heavy thing, on someone who is not currently dealing with cancer already. (This is why it's not rude to bring up cancer at the cancer support group, because the setting has shifted and everyone here has already opted in to cancer. The barista has not opted in to cancer.) This is why you don't tell a stranger they're the cornerstone of your mental health, because again, how do you respond to that? If someone you've never seen in your life walked up and told you that, you'd be going "what the fuck, uhhhhhhhh" and then you'd be stuck between "you're welcome I guess" and "holy shit get away from me".

When you are in a causual conversation with a stranger. You throw them the ball of the conversation already knowing what they're going to say next. (In a general sense.) You say A, knowing that the normal response is B. You set them up for little interactions like "I like your hair/thanks" or "Oh what do you do for work/I work in a bakery/Oh what's your favourite thing about that". You keep that conversational ball in the air, and that's why people do things like talk about the weather, because we all already know what a conversation about the weather is like, so it's a chance for us to non-verbally communicate "politeness" and "friendliness" and "I aknowledge you as a human being and not a machine" while you have the same conversation at a bus stop you have twice a week. That is what small talk is FOR, and that's not a weakness of small talk, it's what it's designed to do.

The less you know someone, the more you are operating on a conversational level where it's vital that you don't say or do anything that you don't already know what they're going to say. Because it is rude to walk up to a conversation that's operating on a level where we're just basically waving at each other and going "hey, human! I am also a human!" and trying to drag it over to the level of intimacy you have with someone who already knows you and loves you, and would help you move without being asked, because this person does not know and love you and did not sign up for that. You're walking up to someone who doesn't know you from Adam and basically throwing your arm around their shoulder and going Heyyyyyyy, I think you and I are best friends, which is just so rude. You're making it weird. You're breaking the rules of the game.

To your friends you can walk up and tell them the terrible thing, because they're your friends, and they signed up for this. You will do the same thing when the terrible thing happens to them. You can move the conversational level beyond talking about the weather, to actual bad things (and jokes that would be inappropriate to say to a stranger), because even if you don't know exactly what your friend is going to say, you know you're not making them uncomfortable, and you have a history where you know you can bring these things up. A streamer/artist/author does not have this history with you. They did not opt in to these topics. They don't know you.

Basically just think about the person on the other end of the conversation and how it feels to be them when someone tells them that if their family finds out they're a lesbian they're going to kill themselves. They don't know what to say to that. You just took the conversational ball and you threw it in their face, breaking their nose. That is not a comment you make to a stranger.

Stop trauma-dumping, stop being over-familiar with people who don't actually know you, it makes it uncomfortable for everyone. Save it for the GC.

[docholligay]

Yellowjackets S2E2: Shauna

Hello! This is about up to Season 2, Episode 1 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY that of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond this spot, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

I love the whole line of devotion with Shauna, and how I don’t know and I’m not sure Shauna knows where devotion ends and insanity begins. Is she even loyal to Jackie, or is she happy enough to use the memory of her as the pawn in whatever she happens to need? 

Jackie has functioned primarily as her chief critic, in her death, in a way so much meaner and sharper than in life. Jackie is the tool by which Shauna criticizes herself. I loved Jackie, especially when she was bitchy, but she wasn’t clever in that emotionally intelligent, meanspirited way that Shauna actually is, on the inside. Jackie wouldn’t ever think to say these things even if she knew them, but Shauna, oh Shauna has been waiting to tell herself this shit for years. Jackie, who she loved, Jackie, who she killed, Jackie the god she worships and her own demon, only she’s the one possessing jackie, isn’t she? Making Jackie say the things she wants her to, be as mean as Shauna thinks she must have been, because why wouldn’t she be?

Even the whole braiding of the hair and doing of the makeup is this sort of adornment you might give a shrine. As long as Jackie is there she can be anointed in oil, metaphorically. More on that later. 

It’s all deeply fucked, and I am very here for it. 

This is also a really good example about how your inability to deal with a problem always affects more than just you. I mean, obviously, this is an outside case, but they are waiting for dinner because Shauna can’t stop drawing her fingers to the candle of jackie’s memory. Calling it now, the baby is almost certainly going to die or be stillborn because of the things that Shauna is doing right now. She is also providing a major point of friction for the group, represented mostly by Taissa and Lottie. Lottie wants her to be allowed to process in whatever way she sees fit, including apparently staying out until all hours of the night in a freezing shed, because Lottie is an idiot. Taissa forces the issue of confrontation with her grief, because that’s a huge part of this episode, and, I suppose it really does deserve its own post but its unlikely to get it: The things people do to confront the grief of others. But because Shauna won’t deal with her feelings, everyone else has to. Shauna is still trapped in a world where her friend is her judge and jury, in a way that was never true when she was alive. And it costs EVERYONE. 

Anyway, back to what i was originally talking about, I’m so glad they had Shauna eat the ear first because it sort of got the “What the fuck!?! Ick!” out of the way so we could use this literal consumption of Jackie as something else. We’ve had time to sit with our disgust, and so it’s not the first thing we think of when Jackie talks about Shauna’s HUNGER. We already tip our hat to this when Jackie says that Shauna slept with Jeff just so she knew what it felt like to be her, but so much of this is about never being able to be close enough to Jackie to become her, to crawl inside her skin, to love her as a sister and a friend and a lover and as herself. I feel like some of this resonates differently as a woman of a certain age--because being a lesbian was so fringe, we were afforded the intensity of female friendships that blurred the line between love and desire and possession in a way that realy just doesn’t exist anymore, because things are seen through a more sterotypically romantic lens. It’s not bad, per se, and it makes a lot of things easier, but it means that when looking at things like this, the question of “Was Shauna in love with Jackie?” has a multifactorial and complex answer that I’m not sure SHAUNA knows the answer to. Yes, and, you get me? 

So when Shauna-speaking-as-Jackie tells herself that it isn’t some fucking game stew she’s hungry for, that she literally wants to eat Jackie, and make her a part of herself, wants to cut her open and feast upon her, it’s true. She knows it’s true, and it’s not just the physical hunger talking. You could give Shauna a big old dead elk and she would still want to eat Jackie. 

Because if they cremate her, as Tai very wisely says they need to do, then she will be lost forever. There will ne nothing tangible that Shauna can point to. Shauna needs that. Jackie has been the trellis on which Shauna has grown, and as much as she might have sometimes longed for freedom, she found herself wandering right back to that trellis. What will she do without it? But consuming her? Well, then won’t she always be a part of Shauna? She  can finally have Jackie literally inside her, like Nut swallowing the sun only to give birth to it again. Giving her something to revolve around.

I made a joke about while i was watching the episode, but this is why Shauna won’t let them take her jacket, but they CAN eat her. Because taking her jacket would make her less Jackie, but eating her will allow Jackie to be ever-present, in every one of the girls. It will allow Jackie to have been the most useful of them all. It is such a fucked up form of love and intimacy, and i ADORE it, because we often in media have cannibalism as a way of showing how far people have been pushed from society, and that’s certainly a part of what is going on here-- that’s the whole reason the spirit of the forest dumps snow onto Jackie and helps force their hand--and that’s great, but ALSO, the reason i love it is as a show of Shauna’s grief and love and need to carry Jackie with her. 

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: I Have a Lot of Feelings about a Lot of Things

I have lost track of how many missed cleaning appointments there were. It's been weeks. I've been scheduling twice a week since November in hopes of getting one a month. Which is annoying, but not nightmarish right now, but gets ugly fast in March, when Goth Millennial is going to burn through all their hours fast taking care of me post surgery.

The Millennials are working out a cooking schedule between them, but this is a huge load on Goth Millennial's shoulders.

Basically the company Medicare is out sourcing to is falling apart because treating their contract workers like shit and lying to them about things like mileage compensation when hiring them is a terrible business model in this economy on top of being an incredible shitty way to treat humans. My decision to start calling them the Asshole Agency within a week or two of starting to deal with them continues to be vindicated. The workers there need a union since the company is devoted to it's assholery, but I get why it's easier to quit.

The system is collapsing, basically. The Medicare advantage people know this and are "discussing options."

So Friday I spent hours playing phone tag with local volunteer organizations trying to get six weeks of help, but those systems are already flooded with people who are supposed to be getting Medicare advantage help, but can't because the Asshole agency isn't sending people and hasn't been for months. Still, I was hoping a short term acute need might get me in. The secular one got right back to me. They are full up. No word yet from the Catholics and the group that coordinates a bunch of protestant organizations.

I have been told over and over to try to get a church involved, but I'm not Christian and it feels weird, especially since most of my contacts with Christian strangers in the last couple decades involve aggressive proselytizers. I have Christian friends who are cool. I have no beef with the Quakers or the Unitarians or the Episcopalians or the Catholics who are trying to change things from within (Nuns on a Bus, queer friends trying to push their parish left) or what have you. I do have a beef with extremists, which most evangelicals are and the more conservative strands of catholic, orthodox, and Protestantism and there are a lot of door to door Mormons, Jehovah's witnesses, etc. in my part of the country.

Look, a had late family members who were very involved in their churches who were decent people with reasonable views. I was a Queer Medievalist and I have some sexy late medieval saint pin ups to prove it mixed in with all my other art, some of which references assorted other religions, despite never having been Catholic. I have a Quaker friend closer to me than my own sister.

I just… Christian religious strangers in my house make me uncomfortable as a queer non-Christian in a country where Christo-fascists are trying to make me literally illegal.

I know it would likely be fine. I did fine and made lots of friends at University which doing a major that is mostly Catholics, Ex-Catholics, and people in the process of converting. I come from a debate culture. I can quote scripture like Satan. ;) I was in Philosophy before I dropped out and moved west and switched to History in one form or another. I can talk theology across a whole lot of denominations and the major "heresies." I just don't want to anymore and I haven't wanted to for a long time. That was long ago and far away when I wasn't so exhausted and in pain.

I should have stared looking last August or October.

I am likely fucked because I waited too long.

Sigh.

In other news, I've been really doing well on the massive number of now mostly advanced physio things I have to do every day.

Sunday I was about a third of the way in when my arm noped out of about another third of Sunday's quota. I am trying to do all the remaining ones that don't move my arm that way, but I'm not sanguine.

I forgot to do my blood work Friday. I have an afternoon pre-op appointment Monday. Let us hope I remember then. I am so tired and it all hurts so much.

[chiffaust]

SORRY IF TBIS AENDS TWICE LMAO ANYWAY I WAS THE ANON THAT SEND THE QUESTION ABOUT THE REQUEST UHH HERE IT IS (FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE IF U WANNA AUAUAU)

so rei with a friend (they have a crush on rei but hasnt confessed yet) thats an idol too !!! cool, right??? readers group is finishing a concert, ending with a song where reader is the main vocals (which is pretty rare for em,, i was thinkin something like this) and the day after the concert reader goes missing, and the rest of their group is oddly quiet about it,, and then rei accidentally stumbles upon them like a month later?? reader ends up confessing they cut off contact with everyone except their group and hasnt left their house because they were getting stressed,, and end up confessing that they like rei,,,

FEEL BETTER S. REI

〝 ☆ 𓈒 SYPNOSIS  𝄒  sometimes you feel like giving up on your dreams and die

〝 𓈒  CONTENT WARNING 𝄒  descriptive implications of reader being depressed, self loathing, if theres anything else i missed please let me know!!

(n.) — note hihi its been a while since i posted anything huh.. this fanfic is fucking long and unproofread so ignore if i did grammatical mistakrs or someyhibg... i am sorry for making you wait for a whole month for something likr this cesarsbeloved merry christmas 🤗

Everything starts and ended in a flash—you are starting to wonder whether any of these are real in the first place.

You used to like being on stage like this; singing your hearts out with your unitmates, trying to capture as many peoples attention as possible.

But these past few days, you feel nothing but dread whenever you're on stage. Is it burnout or are you really not that into being an idol anymore? You didn't know either.

And shouldn't you do your best since that Rei Sakuma had actually agreed to hold this concert with you—the esteemed UNDEAD with a unit such as yours. What an unlikely joint of events.

Well, it's all coming to an end anyways. You've decided to give everybody something they haven't seen before in a while, but would they like it?

You're sure that your other unitmate could hold this off better than you—hell, their voice is better than yours anyways. Why did they even agree to let you do this?

There isn't any room for regret now, the show's coming to a close. With a heavy heart, you sang. Your skips a thousand beats a minute; there was nobody to cover up your mistakes, nobody to help you. Even if they could, it'll be too late and you'd already embarrass yourself in front of the huge crowds.

Well at least UNDEAD isn't currently on stage to see you fail first hand, you suppose.

This is just terrible, this is why you don't like being the main vocal.

Your song surprisingly went right, nothing terrible happens but there's still something that looms behind you—some sort of sense of shame?

The moment you walked off stage, you instantly ran towards the bathroom.

The tap water sinking into the drainer was nothing but another white noise to you. All of your thoughts and emotions are whirling inside of you—it all felt so overwhelming to the point where you're sure you can break the edge of the sink that seemed like you're holding onto dear life to.

You wouldn't say you're insecure about how you look, but you'd be lying if you said it's not hard trying to look at yourself in the mirror right now.

Sometimes you simply wish you could look like someone else; someone prettier and more talented than what you are right now it's going to drive you to the edge.

Oh, and how you wish you could punch the mirror right now.

This isn't right, you should remain your composure. You've worked so hard for this, have you not?

But do you truly deserve it?

You shook your head, trying to regain your composure once again. It's terrible that you just ran off like that—they're all probably worried about you.

Your lips formed a thin line as you looked at yourself in the mirror dead in the eye. You only scoffed before closing the tap, preventing anymore water waste. You felt like you should apologize to whoever was paying this place's water bill for wasting water.

But nonetheless, you remained your composure. Your thoughts are all repressed to the back of your head; at least for now.

You unlocked the bathroom door, and opened the door. You didn't expect to see anything the moment you open the door, but to your surprise none other than Rei Sakuma himself was standing afoot, his hands behind his back as he did nothing but smiled.

"Ah... Sakuma-san...?" You stuttered, suddenly gripping onto the doorknob for dear life. "D-did I made you wait for too long...? Aha, sorry if I did." You sheepishly apologized, closing the door behind you.

"Ah, no. I was simply waiting for you to come out."

"So.. Like... You wanted to go to the bathroom?"

"Fufu, as I had previously stated; no. I was concern over your wellbeing, thus followed you here." He chuckled.

It's really... Surprising, indeed. Why would the Rei Sakuma be so worried over your wellbeing? And what did he even expect you to do in there?

"Thank you, Sakuma-san." You thanked, unsure on what to do other than that.

"There's no need for formalities; we're friends, aren't we? You can just call me Rei-kun ♪"

"Rei... Kun, huh?" You muttered out the name. You couldn't help but smile at his words, even you could feel your cheeks heating up.

"[Name], shall we go back to the others now?" He asks, his smile never falters even slightly as he nudges his head to the direction the others are, you suppose.

If you weren't blushing before, you are absolutely blushing right now.

"... Sure." You replied. You still wanted to keep your composure, you didn't want to seem weird over such simple friendly gesture.

But that was so embarrassing...?? Why'd he call your name like that??

"Well, Sakuma—urm, Rei-kun. Was there another reason for you to do this?" You ask, walking alongside him as you passed by workers who were doing their job to finish cleaning up for the day.

"You're sharp, indeed." He smiled, turning his head to you, "I did notice something rather unusual about your performance just now—by no means I am trying to say it's terrible; I am simply rather curious. About you, specifically." He continues his monologue before his gaze falls upon you once again.

"You weren't acting like yourself, were you?" He asked, his tone sounded nonchalant over such question—too casual, is that the word?

His question is also ridiculous. You don't know what he means. No idols by all means truly act like themselves on stage, do they? It's just ridiculous.

"Fanservice, sultry clothes to keep the fans hooked—shouldn't you understand it, Rei-kun? You're an idol; an esteemed one, that is." You sighed, shaking your head. "I am sure even you don't want to reveal all part of yourself to the public, so isn't it... Quite a hypocritical question to ask?"

"It isn't about fanservice and whatnot, it's about how you acted so indifferently than the others; you looked sad, [Name]."

"... Please don't try to poke your nose into something you aren't apart of." Your tone was something of an angry whisper more than anything. You gritted your teeth, your hands curled into balls as you look away from him.

"Of course I wil not, that is something I am not qualified to do, but do well remember that we all love and care for you." Suddenly, his hands were on top of your shoulders.

His grip on your shoulders were firm—so warm for a self proclaimed vampire. His smile was so gentle too.

"I will not force you to tell me about your problems, but if you ever need someone to talk to please remember that I'm always available." With that, his hands left your shoulders, and thus he turned his back on you, leaving you there.

He stopped on his tracks and glanced back at you, he suavely smiled at you with a wave before he walks once again. "Don't be too late, alright? Your unitmates must be worried sick about you."

Perhaps you should've listened to his advices, but are you going to? No.

It's been... Months? Since you last saw Rei, you hadn't even went outside for a while. You feel so dirty for not doing so, the only source of light in your room was from the computer screen.

Your whole place is a mess, but you felt no motivation to clean up; no motivation to do anything anymore, not even to eat.

Your phone was left with thousands of unread messages from your immediate family, all voicing their concern about your sudden disappearance, but you knew they all had ulterior motive and didn't bother—you just can't bother anymore.

Your friends had been understanding of your situation, but you had allowed none to go inside your apartment—either way, it's pretty disgusting.

You soon lean back onto your chair, feeling nothing but eternal dread. How did you end up like this...? You used to be so bright and cheerful. How did you turn into a loser who hasn't seen the sun in weeks?

You want to change, you want... To go outside for a change. You haven't hanged out with your friends in a while, you want to hang out with them again, you wanna laugh with them again.

But do you even have the motivation to even put a deodorant on? You must smell pretty disgusting for not showering in a while. Ah, you'll just force yourself to.

You didn't really think too much about what to wear. You simply put on whatever clothes that was the closest to you. A hoodie and a tracksuit, it's fine. It's starting to get chilly outside anyways.

You grabbed your phone and other essentials before going to unlock the door. You stare back at your apartment, sighing through your nose at the ugly sight. Alas, you left.

The leaves are starting to fall down, the atmosphere is starting to get colder—the winter days are near. Ah, just what happened to fall?

You felt terrible; you've made so many plans with your friends this fall but only to end up standing them up like this. But surely they understand, right?

And how is Rei doing today? Does he miss you?

... Why would you even want to know. Him missing you or not is the least of your concern. You should be trying to fix your life that's in shambles right now, not think of that bastard.

Your attention focused on the cobblestone path, silently passing by different people with different lives—ah, how you envy them. They are all probably living a normal, comfortable life with their loved ones.

A normal life without needing to overthink about the simplest mistakes you make and even if they did, they'd come back home with someone to comfort them. How envious you are of them, really.

You shook your head, trying to shake those loathing thoughts away. Ah, must you really think of that right now? Just focus on... Trying to interact with another human being or something.

You continued afoot; to where? Not that you have a peculiar place in mind to go, but the park is always the prettiest in times like these. Maybe you should go there.

And thus you followed with your idea. The moment you were in the park, you covered your your lower face with your scarf. There was so many people here, it'd be a terrible thing if someone were to find out you're here.

You doubt everybody thinks you're dead, but still. Being caught in a park like this would be embarrassing.

From where you were standing, you could already see the lake frozen up as the atmosphere grows colder around you—the snows are piling up at the side of the pathways, much enough for children to already start playing with it.

The laugher goes through your ear and left the other as you further walked near the railing of the lake.

Christmas is near... You wish you could spend it with your friends and family this year, but you don't think you can after going on a sudden unplanned hiatus like this.

A rather melancholic feelings arisen within you. Ah, this is just terrible. You grip on the railing tighter, trying not to let a single tear fall.

From the corner of your eyes, a man came a close, leaning on the railing also besides you. The distance between you two is big, but it still felt awkward nonetheless.

"Christmas... It's the most wonderful time of the year, don't you think so?" The man asks. You would've just nodded or replied with a short yes like any other person would, but his voice. He isn't just some random guy—his voice was rather familiar.

You look over to your side to see the Rei Sakuma standing right beside you.

Wait, how did he know you're here? Or does he genuinely think you're a random person? Wait, what are you even supposed to do now?

Should you show your identity to him? Should you just pretend to not know him? What should you do?

"I-I guess." You coughed, pulling on your scarf farther onto your face as you glance away from the man.

He would be lying if he said he didn't knew it was you, but you don't seem to be too ready to disclose everything from the looks of it, so he'll just pretend; he'll simply pretend that you both are nothing but strangers by lucky circumstances.

"The snow... Does it remind you of anything, may I ask?" His question was a weird one. Well, it's Rei Sakuma... He is known to be an eccentric, so you suppose his questions are oughtta be eccentric too.

"... Well, I suppose it takes me back to when I was a dumb kid, playing the snow with my friends." You responded, smiling fondly at the memory. "My friend accidentally hit me with a snow so hard I accidentally fell and slipped down and hurt my head. Funny story."

"Fufu, that is a wonderful story. It brings back many nostalgic memories of me and my little brother in the past."

"I suppose." You replied once again.

Soon silence followed. The lack of conversation made the situation awkward, for you at least. There was white noise of children laughing and people talking, but it doesn't matter.

"I have a question for you, if you don't mind answering it." He suddenly spoke, his gaze didn't stray away from the distant buildings and his smile stays the same.

"Ah...? Go on?"

"Whenever you think of Christmas, does anyone come to mind? Christmas is a wonderful time of the year; even you have someone who you cherish deeply, no?"

You stayed silent. To him, his silence says it all.

"Ah, my apologies. A rather rude question to ask someone whom you've just met, huh?" He tried to damage control everything. "I apologize again, stranger. You must have somewhere else to go."

He pushed himself away from the railing, and soon turned his back on you. It reminds you all like that moment you shared with him on your last show.

"Until we meet again, kind stranger." He turned his head back to you for one last time.

Before he could leave, you instantly grab ahold of his biceps. His smile never falters yet you can see the confused look on his face.

"Sakuma Rei-kun. Please don't leave yet." You brought your scarf down, flashing him your face for a few moment.

"Ah, [Name]-chan. It's been a long time, hasn't it?" He asks, flashing you a closed eye smile as if he did not just try to pretend that you both are nothing but strangers.

"How did you know I was here?" Was your first question to him before you let go of his arm.

"I did not. It was simply a coincidence." His response deadpanned you mentally. "Perhaps even God has decided we'd be more a fit to be together and brought us in the same path once again...?" He chuckled at his own unfunny joke.

Your heart skipped a beat at his statement. Well, that was simply just a joke. He likes to tease around, yeah. It's a joke, don't get your hopes too high...

"I'm sorry for disappearing. I... Should've told you sooner that I'd be on hiatus, huh? Well, sorry. I'm a bad friend; if you even think of me as one..."

"No, don't fret over it, [Name]. I was concern about your sudden disappearance, but I'm sure you have your own reasons—whatever it is, I truly do hope that it's settled."

"I have been so lonely without you, you know? Without my best friend beside me, just who will I tease otherwise?"

"You are not funny, Rei-kun." You replied.

"Fufu, alright, alright. I'm sorry." He apologized, yet the chuckle he lets out says otherwise.

"But it has truly been a while, [Name]. I'd like to know more about everything that happened during your disappearance. Shall we grab a cup of hot tea?"

"Nothing happened. I was just fighting my own demons during my hiatus, I guess."

"Oh? Are you saying you summoned a demon during your break?" He asks, looking genuinely confused at your statement.

"It's... A slang." You muttered out.

"Ah, I see. What a weird slang, fufu. Perhaps I'll ask the children about it later." He chuckles, leaving you dumbfounded yourself.

You couldn't help but chuckle at his own words. Seriously, this guy such an eccentric.

An "I love you..." suddenly rolled down your tongue before you could even realize it.

Silence soon followed once again. You weren't sure whether you said that loudly or not, but the look on his face says the former.

"You... Love me?" He asks, bringing his hand to his chin as his cheeks were tainted with pink hues.

"Uhm, no... I didn't say—uhm, you're dreaming. Nothing about this is real." You stammered out, trying to hide the fact that you're far more than embarrassed that you accidentally confessed to him.

"Fufu, there's no need to be embarrassed about it, in fact; I do love you too."

Those words that rolled down his tongue, it was... Too surreal, you suppose? No way the Rei Sakuma from the unit UNDEAD would like—no, love you back, right?

What a strange turn of events.

[movedtone0mile]

spin the bottle (teaser)

college AU

mark x popular!reader

warnings: smut, mention of alcohol, brief jock johnny x reader, chenle is a reader hater, spin the bottle, bad english probably, OBVIOUSLY not proof read

« So are you going to talk to her or just spend the night sitting here with me? » Chenle raised his eyes from the game he has been playing on his phone since he arrived one hour and a half ago, to stare at his friend sitting beside him on the couch.

« What? What are you talking about man? » Mark answered, puzzled. He seriously thought he had been discreet in his staring and fidgeting.

« Oh so now you think I’m a dumbass. » His friend raised his eyes to the sky, before resuming his game of whatever he was playing. « Do you really think she’s going to notice you if you just stay here, staring into her soul? »

Mark’s eyebrows furrowed as he mumbled: « She doesn’t need to notice me she already knows who I am… » and his cheeks reddened when Chenle shot him a glance that made him realize he had just admitted that he was, indeed, staring at you.

Mark had arrived at the party about fifteen minutes before Chenle, and you were already there: a red cup in hand as you were chatting with some friends of yours. Starstruck by your smile, and bewitched by the outfit you had decided to wear tonight, Mark had not been able to engage in any discussion or activities, other than admiring you from afar.

Mark has had the biggest crush on you for a few months now. You weren’t exactly friends but have been paired for a few class projects before and when you saw each other on campus you always shot him your brightest smile, and even sometimes, when you were feeling it, he was lucky enough to get a kiss on his cheek. This, had Mark’s friends tell him that you certainly had a thing for him as well, but he couldn’t be quite so sure.

Being one of the most popular girls on campus, he could not imagine you being interested in a guy like him, when you could easily get any of the hot jocks he always saw you hanging out with. Plus, you somehow behaved like this with everyone, he was not the first boy you have kissed, or hugged in the hallways, and was certainly not the last one.

So no, Mark was not as convinced as some of his friends that his crush on you was mutual. But, he wouldn’t miss a chance to interact with you though, or well, at least to see you…

Tonight Ten Lee was throwing a party and the whole campus was invited, as the huge manor of his parents was located not far away from campus. And of course, you would attend (Ten must have even invited you and your friends personally), and so would Mark.

But as you were now dancing between Johnny and Jaehyun, he couldn’t get himself to stand up and try anything. He watched you throw your arms around Jaehyun’s neck and Johnny’s hands grip your hips while you swayed your hips to the beat. Hell, how was he supposed to make a move?

« I told you not to believe Haechan ». Apparently Chenle had caught up on the situation too, and felt the need to let Mark know that he was probably right to never support his crush on you. In Chenle’s eyes, you were just some bimbo who probably spent more time hooking up with jocks rather than studying, which was what uni was supposed to be for. You were not meant for Mark, and he was certainly not your type anyway.

« I know dude just- just don’t say it like that ok? » Mark groaned.

« Don’t want you to get your hopes up. »

꧁ ♡ ꧂

When Kim Jungwoo came in the room and shouted that they were playing spin the bottle in the other living room, Chenle decided that he had enough and was going home, offering Mark a ride back, which he almost accepted. But that was before he saw you and Haechan giggling together and walking up to the living room the game was taking place. He couldn’t believe his eyes, what the fuck was he up to?? Mark got up and followed the two of you to the room a group was gathering in.

When he spotted Heachan again, he was sitting not so far from you and was beckoning him to come sit next to him. He did so and immediately started questioning him: « what the fuck bro? What are we doing here? And why were you laughing with Y/N?? » he shouted-whispered his last question for you to not to hear it.

« Mark try to think and be thankful for once in your life! » Seeing that his friend still looked puzzled, Haechan went on with his explanation. « Since you couldn’t have the balls to make a move on Y/N, I got you maybe your only chance to actually kiss her! »

Mark’s eyes went from Jungwoo putting an empty glass bottle in the middle of the circle the group had formed to you, four persons afar, as the dots finally started to connect in his mind.

« Thank you Donghyuck! » Haechan mimicked with an intentionally ridiculous voice.

« B-but what if the bottle lands on you?? »

Haechan waved « don’t worry it always stops in between two people, I’ll just say that it is closest to you. »

Mark shrugged, Haechan was always so confident in what he said. As if Mark and Haechan were the only two people you could land on in spin the bottle.

[ina-nis]

This is making me go a little insane again today because I'm always the oldest one in my groups and let me tell how people throw "predator" and "groomer" when your only crime is something you have no control over (your age). Yeah, I don't take that shit well at all.

I gave up on deeply connecting with people my age because there's almost not a single thing we have in common and it's hard with the whole queerness + disability + sober stuff. People are busy with jobs and families too so there's no place for me in their lives.

It's easier to connect with younger folks because of shared interests and literally being on a similar place in life (having not built much), many are not in long-term relationships or married, and definitely most do not have kids.

I hate this, I honestly do. I feel creepy and disgusted but beating myself up over something out of my control won't do anything to help so I don't do that anymore.

Do you seriously think I like being here, where the majority of the current userbase are super young, when I've been on this website for over 10 years? I really don't. I could never really connect deeply with people in real life, ever since I can remember, ever since internet and smartphones weren't really that accessible. At least now, I have a way to make connections, and keep these connection in my life, even if only virtually.

Don't even get me started on the whole "I'm lonely. I want a partner" because I'm really getting out of my comfort zone and coming onto any adults, regardless of their age - obviously, always younger than me...

I don't know... this shit fucking sucks and it's only going to get worse the older I get, I guess.

My therapist was excited about the possibility of me going back to school because "you'd be able to meet more people and make friends" but I already have a degree and all the relationships in these places (school, work, etc) are temporary: they exist as long as you're there. I gave up on trying to understand why, and it has a lot to do with people and their own priorities. You become a footnote in their lives, and they become one in yours too. The connections die.

So... am I willing to put myself in debt and emotional strain, for who knows how many years, so I'd, maybe, get my foot on the job market (again) and make friends (again), just to deal (again) with the crushing reality of being virtually unemployable and see connections I might spent a lot of energy and time building up, die? I'm not really sure if I want to do that again, or if I want to keep on doing that, to be honest.

It's funny because it went full circle: when I was younger and even as a child, I found it hard to connect with people my age (probably something to do with how you have to mature under duress to survive, and the whole childhood trauma thing, too); and now as a fully-grown adult, I achieved basically nothing people my age "ought" to: I don't have a career, I'm not in a relationship (never have been), I don't work because of my disabilities, I don't have a family or friends I can count on (so no social buffers or a safety system), I have built virtually nothing concrete, much like how when you're just starting your adult life!

As much as I understand the sentiment coming from people about how "it's not too late" and "you're not behind in life, you're where you're supposed to be", you'll still be labeled a predator for only having young friends and childish interests on the internet - and before anyone tells me to just "get off internet and go outside" do I need to explain again the matters of accessibility? Also "it's alright to not being able to work" until you have a invisible disability that makes it looks like you're actually just faking it, and so on.

I understand I'm one of those. I understand I have all these horrible "red flags" and that no one should ever be allowed near me, and I should never really approach any young person ever. The irony is that I don't like children and immaturity is a huge turn off for me so I'm stuck with a bunch of young inexperienced people. It sucks for me in a lot of different ways.

But I'll honestly take that over being around people my age who managed to build things and relationships over time. I don't need any more reminders of how much "lost" time I have to grieve...

I'm not naive, I know I still have time and I know I have built quite a lot of things. That's not the point I'm trying to make, and that's not what I have to grieve either. The matter of time is still a huge issue that is absolutely out of my control and I can only do so much with what I have.

[onlineproblems]

anyway i'm just putting my thoughts in order this is so boring to anyone but me

God my mood took such a huge dive after our mini vacation because I was so exhausted. The exact same thing happened last year when we took a trip. Which is when I ended up self-harming. I was expecting the mood dysregulation this time so I took care of myself better but still. Jesus. I mean it helped that I didn't have to go back to a horrible job but at the same time I often feel like a leech because I only work a few hours a week right now. I know that's not the point of life but hey. You get this idea of usefulness and worth drilled into you and it's hard to separate your identity from creating capital. And obviously I'm aware of that, he's aware of that, but at the same time we both have those identical pressures on us so it feels very unfair for me to (seemingly) fuck around all day while he has to work 40 hours and be basically the sole provider. I haven't worked full time in a year now. And I keep getting interviews and not getting hired. The job market sucks but it does feel like I'm deficient somehow. Like why wouldn't they want me?? Do I have to settle for making minimum wage (or less) doing work I'm far overqualified for, and would be miserable doing?

Aside from that, it's been really hard to focus on learning. I'm unmedicated for ADHD because I can't tolerate any meds and the best I can do is be aware of my limits and work around them, play to my strengths. But I see other people succeeding and learning faster than me, and I feel so deficient and stupid. Why haven't I grasped this yet? Would I already have a job if I were just better, smarter? Am I just not applying myself enough? I always know the answer is, "You're working within your limits; your best is different from someone else's" but it still kind of hurts to feel like your potential is being wasted. To feel like everyone is looking at you and thinking of you as a failure, or lazy, or pitying you.

Am I happy? Yes, frequently. I enjoy my hobbies, I love my spouse, I feel more rested than I have in a long time, and I often feel fulfilled learning something that does actually challenge me. But I can't help my insecurities, the imposter syndrome.

I'm also lonely. I used to have a large friend group, and now I have two friends that I see on a regular basis. I have friends that I talk to online a lot, but as much as I love them, it doesn't satisfy me in the same way as being in someone's presence. If we ever moved, or if my two friends ever moved, I would be back to zero. My anxiety, especially about driving, makes it particularly hard to make friends in a city where you can't do anything without driving to get there. Not feeling capable of driving also makes me feel pretty pathetic. I can do it for short distances in areas I'm familiar with, but getting on the freeway makes me feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience, and not in a good way. Every time I manage to drive somewhere I feel this sense of exultation that I accomplished a huge feat, followed by such a hollow exhaustion that I often feel drained for the rest of the day. How are you supposed to maintain friends like that?

And these are just my small everyday concerns. In the back of my mind during all these I'm aware of the fact that the US is a flaming shit log right now, and I can sign petitions and donate money and vote in my primaries and do whatever and the world is still heating up and people are still getting fucking shotgunned and legislated to death and wrung out like a sponge by insane costs of living and corporations and billionaires are smoking petrol cigarettes made of corpses lit by fossil fuel private jet matches. So what do you. You just don't think about it most of the time.

I don't know. I think I'm really tired right now so naturally my outlook is more bleak, and if I had gotten more sleep I would feel better and happier. But I think I do still feel numb a lot and that I bury my head in easy distractions like TV and tumblr because facing painful emotions is just hard. I'm a chronic avoider. I put off conflict of any kind. If I think I see it coming, I close my eyes until it runs me over. I'm not as bad as I used to be; I'm trying to articulate how I feel more, and to be proactive about developing healthy coping mechanisms, but I think I'm not great about being self-aware yet. I think it still creeps up on me and I'm not aware until it's right over me.

At least I knew this time, before this trip, what was going to happen. I wouldn't say I dealt with it in the best way, but I prevented myself from self-harming and I talked about how I was feeling and I let myself feel angry a little bit. I had a fawning reaction for a lot of the time, but I was more aware of it. I can recognize the patterns better. And instead of giving into the compulsion, I felt the feeling and then let it pass.

This is probably just always going to happen. I mean, I still have the same impulses from my eating disorder that I've always had. I don't really think they've changed or gone away at all. I just don't act on the impulses anymore. I haven't for a couple years. Not to say I won't relapse, but again, I'm seeing the patterns and resisting the impulses. Wanting the better outcome instead of the immediate release of satisfying the compulsion.

I guess all I can do is keep trying and desiring the better outcome, trying to think in the long term. (It's so hard when "the future" is something I can't even visualize! It's liquid, nebulous, anything could happen, I don't have a plan or anything definitive that I want) (What do I want? There's a few things I guess I could daydream about -- having a yard, but I don't need that. Pursuing my hobbies, I guess -- but I can do that almost anywhere. Having friends -- hopefully some of the same ones as now. Being happy with my spouse, being comfortable in our house or apartment, working enough to live off of and maybe to retire early. Who cares? There's no set path to any of these things.) So yeah. As long as I'm engaging in healthy patterns more often than not, I can achieve the future I want. Right?

Anyway. This is a mess but I feel like I got some of the most tangled threads unraveled.

[stevethehairington]

20 and 50 for the ST asks

helllooo!! i am SOOO sorry for such a late response omg.

i hope i got the right ask game here lol but i'm preeeety sure i did.

20. favorite emotional moment?

i definitely have to go with robin's coming out scene for this one. there are several other good emotional moments throughout the show, but this one really takes the cake for me because it's just SUCH a good one!!! and it's not very often that we get a gem of a coming out scene like this one, it's just so well done, and i could really go on and on about the scene. PLUS it sort of solidified thee platonic soulmates, like, from this point on they are IT for each other in that sense, yknow? and steve and robin's friendship is truly one of my favorite things about the show.

50. top five absolute fav things about stranger things in general?

ooh hm well i suppose:

the friendships!! there is such a huge focus on friendship in this show and i LOVED that so much. i feel like the show has sort of strayed a little bit from this in the later seasons, but oh man, season 1? that shit HITS, the friendships there are SO good, they're SO strong. like the party? i love that little group of kids!! they're so ride or die already!! they clearly love each other a lot! and then when el and max join the group, they become Part Of The Team too and i love them and i love their specific friendship too! and steve and robin my favorite dynamic duo!!! there is TRULY no other platonic soulmate best friendship out there like theirs, it's something special. and also the kids' friendships with steve (especially dustin!!!) it's SO good!!

the vibes are just so good too. like i was born after the 80s lol but there is still SUCH a sense of nostalgia with this show, again especially in that first season! there's just something about a bunch of kids riding around on bikes fighting monsters that hits different yknow?

steve's character arc!!! steve is probably my favorite character of the whole show and just the way they did his arc is one of my absolute favorite things ever because they did it so WELL. like, asshole popular jock who realizes that he's wrong and realizes that he fucked up and actually puts in the effort to fix what he did and to make things right and to mean it too, that's just SO GOOD. THAT is how you do a redemption arc. i just love steve so much, he deserves his whole entire own bullet point here lol.

i feel like if i give steve a whole entire bullet point for himself i HAVE to give eddie a whole entire bullet point too because that man.... well, he changed the whole entire game. like i've said it before but i was just a casual fan before s4 - watched when new seasons came out, talked with friends about it, but i was not part of the fandom. like i didn't look through the tags, or reblog a whole lot outside of the occasional gifset or smth, and i certianly didn't write or create any of my own content/hcs/etc. but THEE second that eddie munson walked onto that screen he stole my god damn life from me. that guy dragged me over the edge of that boat and right through the watergate with him because once i saw him i was HOOKED and i did not look back. so yeah, it's entirely eddie's fault that i am here today and i adore every single thing about him and what he stands for and who he is and i wont get into it because this post will really never end but i am SO disappointed with what they did with him and how they chose to *end his character arc (*clown shoes are FIRMLY on tho bc i am honk honk fully onboard with the we have not seen the last of eddie munson train soooo lol).

the absolutely incredible fantastic wonderful beautiful amazing inspiring awesome ridiculous epic EVERYTHING that everyone has created in response to this show. i love stranger things, i do, but we all know that there are certain things - characters, relationships, arcs, plotlines, etc. - that have missed the mark, that could have been better, that could have gone a different way. and it is the fans, it is the writers, it is the artists, it is the gif makers, it is the editors, it is EVERYONE who puts their heart and soul into creating for this fandom that fills in those gaps, that fixes things, that takes these characters we know and love and breathes even more life into them, takes them to new places, lets them explore things they deserve to explore. i will forever be grateful to everyone in this fandom because of this!!! it's incredible and it's the best part of the whole show, truly.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary273

6/16-17/24

sunday - monday

our friend will be leaving tomorrow.

i will be sad to see him leave, it's weird what having someone sleep on your couch can do, i suppose cooking and living with him, talking to him a lot, going out tonight after he got back from san bernadino, idk, it's made me very warm to him. he is a really kind person, he reminds me of a now dead friend a little, but only a little i think. maybe i am just overly sentimental in that way right now, either way, i will miss him, there's something very nice about having him around, i'm glad he's been crashing here instead of staying at some hostel which would make him feel, like, freaked out probably, and he couldn't be himself as much maybe. a sad prospect.

today was kind of a lot, i feel a lot better today but definitely not fully healed, waiting for that, i hope soon i don't have anything wrong with me, we went to like one of the better burger places in vegas, this place called fuku burger, it has a chicken katsu sandwich i really like...and they have yummy fries. we hung out there a while, they had this insane like, tik-tok compilation tv channel on, as well as a video of a guy playing all of mw2 and a guy playing super mario world.

here's pix of me:

here's a pic i took of a furry sticker in there on the psp camera:

funny thing to me.

he liked it, he told us their like, messy fries option was kind of like poutine, which was interesting, i never eat fries like that cuz it's just tooooo muchhhh but that's funny to hear. we talked about how insane/horrifying that tik tok compilation tv channel was, like a super psycho america's funniest home videos type thing, just so bizarre.

after this we went to a place a friend works, also in chinatown, she was just getting off work so we said hi, talked to her for a bit, which was nice, happy to see her, and then we saw one of her co-workers go up and stuff, this weird guy who makes up a lot of insane lies, currently he says he's a ghostwriter for rappers, before he said he was signed to def-jam and that he was almost a kpop star. but the kpop thing is interesting, it got into a sad thing honestly cuz while talking to him he mentioned how he was doing that whole thing, he said that during the try-outs he was given a chemical that made his skin super nice, in his words "super white", which is like, kind of a horrific thing i've noticed w/ asian beauty standards, once in chicago, in a restaurant in their chinatown this girl was talking to her friends about how she could actually get her skin way whiter than it already was, and it's just very depressing, one hopes these beauty standards will disappear one day but it feels like they might not, especially as the dominant popular images of asian people remain what they are, kpop, super fair skinned people being beautiful, you know. anyway he went on about that because really all i knew about him is that he tells bizarre lies, so we came up with a bit that was like, our out of town friend telling the guy he's a guy managing an idol group, and the guy, i can't tell if he saw through it really, but it made him open up kinda, he started talking about how he sang and how he likes karaoke, he used to manage a karaoke place but the issue was that he had to get drunk with the people there, as it would make his tips huge, and he would come home drunk every night, he lost all his muscles he said, got kind of miserable, worked too late, and at this place he's at now works fucked up shifts too where people want him to drink too, so he's still drinking, and the habit dies hard, you know, and all this stuff about how he's just sad now, doing mushrooms a lot, getting fucked up, trying to quit to get away from that, like quit that job, you know. i really feel bad for him. he always just struck me as odd, i feel like an asshole a bit but he didn't seem upset at us, honestly i really like him now, or like, i want the world to be better for him, i want better for him, i want better for a lot of people, it's really depressing how you can be reminded of how horrible everything is for everyone. i am constantly wanting everyone to be saved, i mean, really, a lot of people deserve it, is maybe the roughest thing. a lot of intense and strange pains, i see this in our out of town friend too, he's got rough stuff going on at home, he's a sweet guy, his parents are assholes. the world's too much pain...

anyway, sorry to be a downer, it's just on my mind. i want people to not be miserable, but i guess there is like no choice. i want to cry a river. it doesn't feel stupid to cry a river, infinite mourning feels like all that's available to me, i am maybe just a super useless kind of person.

when we left, around leaving i suppose, he started asking us what kinda music we like, my gf did the music nerd 'oh we listen to like everything' and then he said he liked death metal stuff, he said 'the kinda stuff where it's like, don't give me the aux', and our friend said 'i'd give you the aux man. most people let you look at it, i'm giving it to you' and he said he really appreciated it. i guess i'm sheltered for this, but it really felt like meaningful or something. i hope it was i guess.

it's already pretty late so maybe today i won't really get to work on cover art... sad, but i have some ideas. or beyond ideas honestly, plans for stuff to put into the current illustration. after this one's done, there's gonna be like 2 more about, they should be less effort,,

another night where i must gargle salt water again. i'm getting kind of good. and i'm sure when i get up, i'll do it again, again, again. maybe for the rest of time. not that long but it feels like it could be forever. i'm only ever sure the bad things will be forever. i won't comment on the good things. i let them grace me for as long as i can allow it. i say too much, it feels like i'll destroy it...

it's interesting when people find themselves in pictures of musicians / artists to mold themselves after, or feel like. when usually i feel like, the i want to be, i relate, type thing, in like, images of relatively lesser things, or i guess, less idk, evidently art oriented. or maybe untrue, i feel myself in art, and stuff, or a desire to change because of it, or that it exposes me to myself or exposes me to outside a self, whatever, it's a blurry thought, really what i'm getting at is like, a friend sent me a photo of inga copeland performing being like 'this is a me' and i'm like sure. but i can never do that kind of thing ever, i'm never thinking like that i guess is one thing, the other is like, i dunno. i don't know what i am is one thing, the other is,,, idk.

i was looking thru some references i've been collecting, got the itch to look for more related to this old makeup brand from the 70s... check this stuff out... i'm cribbing some of this for something, eventually, too lovely to not.

genius design stuff. i think, so it's good even just for inspiration. the website i found these on seems really good too, like check these letter set things out, from something called damn everything but the circus:

anyway, i ought to go to bed now, so:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[neurodivergent-fox-demon]

Stackson Week Day 5

The Bleeding Hearts Club

Rating: mature

Other tags: trans lydia, Derek Hale/ Lydia Martin, Isaac Lahey/Scott Mccall/Allson Argent , Peter Hale/Chris Argent, Minor Character Death

triggers: fighting, drug use

Please let me know if I need to add any more tags.

Archive of Our Own

Chapter 5: Self and Groups

Stiles leaned against the railing, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the sky. He had just finished his first session with the school psychiatrist and he could not understand why he felt so exhausted. He felt a hand on his shoulder and smiled. “Hey, Levi.” He sighed, looking back across campus. “How are you doing?” 

Levi stood beside him and sighed. “I’m fine. I was just coming out to see how you were doing. You’ve already been standing out here for about an hour. Are you doing alright?” 

“Yeah, just thinking about my session with the shrink.” He smiled over at his friend. “I guess I missed classical literature.” He chuckled softly. “Have I really turned into such an asshole? I used to be the person that everyone could come to if you had a problem. Now I am the problem.” 

Levi smiled, wrapping him in a hug. “”You have a few problems. That does not mean you are the problem.” He kissed his forehead. “We all have problems, Stiles. You can’t expect to solve all of our problems if you don’t take care of yourself first.” 

Stiles nodded, looking down out the ground as he stamped his cigarette under his foot. “I notice you did not deny that I’ve turned into an asshole.” He chuckled softly and wiped the sweat from his forehead. 

“Yeah, that is a hard issue to get over.” Levi smirked at him. “I know you are trying to get better, but you have made some pretty asshole moves lately.” He shrugged, pushing Stiles’s hair from his face. “But, honestly, asshole moves do not an asshole make.” He grinned, shaking his head. “Stiles, all of us are just glad that you are seeking the help that you need.” 

Stiles nodded, letting out a soft laugh. He knew that Levi was right but he did not know if he was really strong enough to get through all of this. “Right now, I don’t want to fix myself. I want to crawl into a bottle of tequila.” He chuckled softly. “I’m really fucked up.”

Levi shrugged, stealing his cigarettes. He was beginning to become a bit exasperated. “We’re all a little fucked up, Stiles. You’re not unique. Get over yourself.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I’m trying to be supportive here but I am not going to throw you a pity party. We’re all tired of your self destructive behavior.” He lit a cigarette and turned to lean back against the railing. “You’re no longer grounded, right?” 

Stiles nodded. “As long as I continue to go see the psychiatrist, I’m free.” He bumped his shoulder against Levi’s and let out a long groan. “You’re going to make me go to the Saturday dinner.” 

Levi shook his head, grinning. “Nope. Jackson is going to ask you to go to dinner with his family.” He laughed, softly. “I suppose you are getting pretty serious.” 

Stiles rolled his eyes. “He asked me that this morning. You are nothing but a huge gossip. Did you know that?” He shook his head, playfully glaring at his friend. “It’s not like I’ve never met the headmaster before.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll be meeting him as his son’s boyfriend.” Levi sighed. “And you’ll have to make a good impression on his mother.” He licked his lips and stared around the campus. People were starting to leave for lunch and he could use something to eat as well. “Want to go to the diner?” 

Stiles shook his head and sighed. “I’m not hungry and I have to go pick up my make-up work for English. I also have to do some work for Peter’s research. I kind of owe him.” He nodded and kissed his cheek. “I’ll call you later.” 

Levi nodded as he watched him walk away. He took a deep breath as he walked back into the school to get his car keys. 

📚

Stiles groaned as Jackson sucked on his neck. He tangled his fingers in his boyfriend’s hair and ground his hips into Jackson’s thigh. “Fuck, babe. That feels so amazing.” 

Jackson chuckled and licked the bruise he had just left. “That’s kind of the idea.” He kissed Stiles passionately. They had studied for about an hour before moving to Jackson’s bed, where they had spent the last two hours making out. “You’re so hot.” Jackson panted, grinding his hips back against Stiles. He heard Stiles’s phone ring and groaned, sitting up. “Bloody hell.” 

Stiles cursed and rolled over to grab his phone. He raised his brow and answered. “Derek? What’s going on?” He breathed deeply, trying to calm down.

Derek sighed. “Sorry to call. Sounds like you have been working out, but Isaac is missing. Have you seen him.” 

Stiles shook his head and sighed. “No, I have been with Jackson for the last three hours and I was at school before that.” He chewed his lip. “I’ll see if I can get ahold of him and then get back to you.” 

“Yeah, do that. Mum is really worried about him. He was supposed to be home a couple hours ago. I called Scott and Allison, but neither of them have seen him all day.” Derek groaned, shaking his head. “He’s not one to run off like this.” 

Stiles nodded as he got up to grab his jacket. “I will meet you at your house. I’m sure he is alright, but I’ll call him on the way there.” 

“Thank you.” Derek sighed as he hung up the phone. 

Stiles looked over to Jackson. “I’m so sorry. Isaac is missing. I have to go.” He bent over and kissed Jackson. 

Jackson shook his head. “I’m coming with you love. Isaac is important to you and I want to help look for him.” He grabbed his jacket and wallet. 

Stiles wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him hard. He grinned as he pulled away. “You are amazing.” 

Jackson chuckled, shaking his head. “Let’s just go find your brother.” He blushed, trying to think, but his mind was still on what they were doing on the bed. “We should get going…” He coughed. 

Stiles nodded as he grabbed his hand and led him down to the jeep. 

📚

Stiles pulled up to Derek’s house and he and Jackson ran up to the door knocking. Derek opened the door and he pushed himself inside. “Have you heard anything? I couldn’t get through on the phone.” 

Derek nodded. “Scott found him on the cliffs and is bringing him home now.” He sighed, running a hand over his face. He handed them both a soda and gestured to the couch. “I’m sorry to worry you, but you know how worried we all get over Isaac.” 

Jackson sat on the couch, shrugging. He was just glad that they had found the other man. He was also glad that Derek had called when he had. He was not sure how far he and Stiles would have gone if they had not been interrupted. “Is he alright?” 

Derek shrugged. “I don’t know. Scott said he’s a bit drunk but otherwise he is alright.” He sat in a leather lounger as he watched Stiles sit next to Jackson. “Isaac never acts like this. I’m not sure what has gotten into his head.” 

Stiles groaned, leaning back as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. “It’s probably my fault. I haven’t been the best friend for the last few weeks. Usually Isaac and I go drinking together, but I’ve been trying to abstain. He’s probably feeling abandoned.” 

Jackson took his hand and sighed. “No, you can’t think like that. You cannot make Isaac’s decisions for him.” He kissed the back of his hand and smiled. “You’re doing really well, and Isaac just made a small mistake. There is no need for all of us to get upset.” 

Derek looked up at him and sighed. This kid was new to their group and he made more sense than anyone. “Yeah, but I don’t want him to think it’s okay to do this again. It may have been a small mistake but it was stupid.” 

Stiles frowned at Derek. “That’s a bit harsh, Derek. Jackson was just trying to put everything in perspective. Why are you freaking out? Scott found him.” 

Derek growled at him. “The last time one of us disappeared, you were gone for 10 days. Fuck, Stiles. Do you ever think about how your actions affect the rest of us?” 

Stiles jumped up glaring at him. “Hey, I’m still trying to reconcile with that bender. 

I know I screwed up, Derek. I don’t know how many times I can apologize.” He could not believe that Derek was bringing this up now. “Why are you doing this? I’m trying.” 

Derek got up in I his face. “Because Isaac has always looked up to you. I have tried my hardest to keep him out of trouble and you just kept leading him straight into it, for the last year and a half.” He pushed him. “Then you decided to clean up, and forgot all about Isaac.” 

Stiles stepped back, shaking his head. His hands clenched into fists as he shook his head. “Derek… you know I… what am I supposed to say here? I’m trying.” 

Derek sighed, rubbing his face. “I want you to think about how your actions affect people. You say you apologized, but you never said sorry to me. Not once. You started cleaning your life weeks ago, but never once came to see me or Isaac.” He began pacing back and forth. “Don’t you think we deserved to see you?” 

Jackson watched them both unsure of what to say. He felt like an intruder at this moment. He got up and looked at them both. “I think I should go wait outside for Scott and Isaac.” 

Stiles shook his head. “I think we both should go.” 

Jackson kissed him softly. “No, you need to talk to Derek. He’s right.” Stiles nodded as Jackson stepped out of the house. 

Stiles looked back at the floor, letting out a long breath. “Derek. I’m sorry. I love you and Isaac like brothers and I disappeared. I have not been the friend that you needed for a year and a half.” He looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” 

Derek nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “I… You’re forgiven. I guess that has been building up for a while now. I was worried about Isaac and I should not have taken it out on you. Isaac has always been a weak spot in the group. We all want to treat him with kid gloves when he really should learn to stand on his own,”

Stiles nodded, chewing on his lip ring. “I didn’t really help with the drugs and the alcohol. He was my drinking buddy and when I stopped drinking I stopped taking him to hang out.” He chuckled. “I still have no idea what happened in those 10 days I was missing, and that scares me. I’m sorry I scared you by disappearing.” 

Derek nodded and pulled him into a hug. “Let’s not fight anymore. I was being a complete ass.” 

Stiles cried softly into his shoulder. “I needed to hear it. You were right.” He hugged him tight and chuckled through his tears. “I’m such a bloody idiot.” 

Derek chuckled and kissed his head. “No, you’re not. You’ve just made some stupid mistakes.” He let out a long breath. “Now, should I threaten your boyfriend for leaving that hickey on your neck.” 

Stiles laughed and pushed him away. “Don’t you dare. Jackson is the best thing to happen to me this year. He’s so fucking amazing.” He blushed, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I’ll do without him when he moves at the end of summer.” 

Derek frowned and shook his head. “It’s getting kind of serious, isn’t it. It’s kind of quick, don’t you think?”

Stiles groaned. ”Fuck, I don’t know. I’ve never had a serious relationship, but he’s all I think about.” 

Derek shrugged. “It’s not my place to lecture you about who to date. But it is my place to give him the big brother talk.” He grinned. 

Stiles cursed. “I hate you.” 

Derek laughed loudly. “No, you don’t. You love me.”

Stiles glared at him. “You know you are only a year and a half older than me.” 

Derek smirked. “Still older. I’m just going to make sure he is treating you right and not taking advantage of your virtues.”

”What virtues, Derek.” Stiles snorted. “I’m not exactly a blushing virgin, Sweetheart.” 

Derek rolled his eyes. “Do you have to refer to yourself like that?” 

“I supposed not.” Stiles sighed and smiled as Isaac and Scott walked into the house, followed by Jackson. “Hey, Isaac. Long time no see.” He walked over and pulled him into a hug. “Don’t you dare fucking do anything like that again. What have I always told you about drinking alone?” 

Isaac hugged him tight, like he would never let him go. “Never drink alone. It could get me hurt.” He cried into his chest. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to scare anyone. I just wanted to have a little fun tonight, but everyone was busy.” 

Stiles kissed his cheek and sighed. “No, you should have called me. I would have dropped everything and gone out with you. We did not have to drink.” 

Derek grabbed Jackson’s shoulder and gestured to the kitchen. “Let’s give them a few minutes. I would like to talk to you alone for a moment.” 

Jackson’s eyes grew wide, but he nodded. “Of course.” He looked back at Stiles and Isaac before following the bigger man into the kitchen. “Are you and Stiles doing better now?” 

Derek nodded. “Yeah, I guess I just had a lot of negative feelings that I had to let go. That is not what I wanted to talk to you about.” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, I know you and Stiles are becoming really close.” 

Jackson nodded, blushing. “Yes. I really enjoy his company.” He chewed his lip, looking around the room. “And I am… why do you want to know?” 

Derek chuckled. “Think of me as Stiles’s big brother. I am here to warn you that if you hurt him, you have an entire pack of siblings that will not hesitate to hurt you in kind.” He grinned, gripping Jackson’s shoulder. “This is your one and only warning.” 

Jackson laughed, nervously. “I understand. I can promise that I have no intentions of hurting him.” He had expected this talk from the sheriff but he was kind of blind sided by Derek. “Stiles is a pretty great guy and I’m starting to have real feelings for him.” 

Derek sighed and nodded. “I just want to make sure that you aren’t toying with him.” He patted his shoulder. “You seem like a great guy, but I have to do the brotherly thing.” 

Jackson grinned at him. “Noted.” He laughed softly. “Can I be frank with you?” 

”Yeah, of course.” Derek nodded as he walked over to pull a cake out of the fridge. He began cutting pieces and putting them on plates. “Help me here. I need to make sure that everyone has something to eat.” 

Jackson nodded as he started organizing the plates. “Stiles and I have already had a talk about this. I’m leaving at the end of the summer and I don’t know what is going to happen after that. We are seeing how things go.” 

Derek nodded, leaning on the counter. “Sounds logical. As long as you are both on the same page. Levi and I have been going out for four years and we are having the same problem. It’s kind of hard to reconcile. It’ll be hard to navigate a long distance relationship, but Levi is worth the trouble.” He shrugged, smiling at Jackson. “I hope that in the end, you and Stiles will figure out a way to make it work.” 

Jackson nodded blushing as he picked up some plates. “I hope so too.” He sighed as he took the plates into the living room. “Anyone want cake?” 

Stiles, Scott, and Isaac were sitting on the couch, talking in whispers. Stiles grinned up at him. “Hey, babe. Did your talk go alright?” He smirked, winking.

Jackson frowned at him. He had a feeling knew exactly what the talk was about. “Yeah, it was fine.” He handed a plate of cake to him and Isaac. “Eat something.” He chuckled and kissed Stiles softly. “We don’t have a lot of time before curfew.” 

Stiles nodded, staring at him lovingly. “Yeah, I should get you back. But am I crazy to say I don’t want to?”  

Jackson shrugged as he sat beside him. He looked around the group and smiled. They had all been so tense only 30 minutes ago, but now they were all sitting in the room laughing. He had only been a part of this group for a month, but he felt like he had slid in so easily. He was happy to be there. “No, it’s not crazy at all.” 

📚

Jackson grinned, nipping at Stile’s ear. “We’re supposed to be in class in a few minutes, and you have not been able to get a single question right.” He moaned as Stiles kissed him. He pulled away and laughed. “Stop distracting me.” 

Stiles grinned, straddling his lap. “But it is so much fun.” He kissed over his neck as he began unbuttoning his shirt. “Do you really have to go to class? I have the next period off.” 

Jackson sighed, stopping his hands. “As much as I love where this is going, I’m not sure I can just skip classes.” He kissed Stiles softly. “Why don’t we pick this back up after my last class?” 

Stiles groaned, laying his head on his shoulder. “That's a whole three hours not kissing you.” He sighed as he climbed off his lap, sitting next to him on the bed. “I guess I should actually do some studying while you’re in class.” 

Jackson chuckled as he stood and began putting his uniform back in order. “You actually know this information. You are just telling me wrong answers so we can make out instead.” He kissed his boyfriend and grabbed his glasses from the side table. “I will meet you at the jeep, later?” 

Stiles pouted and nodded. “Yeah, I have a meeting with Peter after my last class, but It should not take very long.” He stood wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “Why don’t we go to dinner?” 

Jackson hummed and nodded. “Sounds like an amazing idea.” He wrapped his hands around his waist, kissing him lovingly. “Do you want to spend the night?” He blushed, looking into his eyes. He knew that this was a major step forward, but he was starting to think that they might be ready to take this step. 

Stiles smirked and nodded. “I think I would like that.” He played with his hair for a moment. “You know, nothing has to happen?” 

Jackson nodded. “Yes, I know that. We’ll just see how we both feel.” He pecked his lips. “I really have to go.” He groaned. “I’ll walk you to the library, luv.”  He sighed and stepped back offering his hand. 

Stiles nodded as he took his hand and they walked down to the library. Stiles sighed, as they reached the ornate doors. “I’ll miss you.” 

Jackson chuckled. “I’ll miss you too.” He sighed and kissed him softly. “It’s only a few hours, luv.” He saw Harris headed their way and stepped back. “I should go before I get you in trouble.” 

Stiles growled and nodded as he looked over at the teacher. “Yeah, I’ll handle him. Go and enjoy your class.” He waved his boyfriend away and chuckled as Jackson slit their mouths again before he ran toward his class. Harris huffed stepping into his bubble. “May I help you sir?” 

Harris glared at him. “Stilinski, you know the rules on public displays of affection. Can you go a day without breaking the rules.” 

Stiles sighed, crossing his arms. “Can you go one day without busting my ass? Jackson and I were not doing anything vulgar.” He looked around the halls, glad that they were empty for the moment. “I am doing the best I can, in my classes, and I’m in uniform. Can you just leave me alone, for once? I’ll be out of your hair in a month.” 

Harris shook his head, stepping closer to him. “You are nothing but trouble. You’ll always be trouble and I can’t wait for you to leave this school. I just hope you don’t drag the headmaster’s son down with you. I don’t know what he sees in a good for nothing punk like you.” 

Stiles glared at him. He knew that the chemistry professor was telling the truth, but he did not want to let the man get to him. He could not afford to get into more trouble with the headmaster. “I really could not tell you, but that is his decision to make. I’m sorry I want to be better for him.” He threw his hands in the air. “You have hated me from day one. What the fuck is your problem?” 

“Language, Stilinski.” Harris growled at him. “You’ve been a sarcastic little shit since the moment I met you.” He shook his head. “Do not let me catch you doing that again in the halls again.” 

Stiles huffed. “We did nothing wrong. It’s not like we were making out in the halls. It was one small kiss.” He shook his, looking around them. “I have studying to do, and do not want to deal with you anymore.” He gestured around Harris, making a disgusted face. “Have the day you deserve.” He sighed and tried to walk into the library. 

Harris grabbed his shoulder, pulling his pack. “I was not done talking to you.” 

Stiles growled, stepping back from the teacher. “I’ve told you before. Do not touch me.” He clenched his fist by his sides. “Either give me detention or let me go. We have nothing left to talk about, Harris. If you touch me again, I will report you.” 

Harris raised a brow at the student. “What are you going to report? That I touched your shoulder? You are full of it.” 

Stiles shook his head. “It doesn’t matter where you touched me. I asked you not to touch me, and you insist on putting your hands on me.” 

Harris growled and grabbed him by his jacket. “We are going to the head master’s office now. I am sick of your mouth.” 

Stiles growled, ripping himself away from Harris. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” He shook his head, storming toward the office. “I know where the headmaster’s is. I’ll go myself.” He rolled his eyes as Harris began storming after him. He reached the office and smiled at the secretary. “Hello, Mrs. Fowler. Harris is sending me to see the headmaster. Apparently I am behaving inappropriately.” 

The woman nodded. “Sit down and I will see if he is available.” 

Harris stormed into the office as Stiles was sitting in one of the office chairs. He glared at the student as they waited for the headmaster to call them into his office. Stiles crossed his legs and stared at his nails. He really had not done anything wrong and he was sick of Harris being on his case. 

David Whittemore stepped out of the office and sighed, looking at the two men in his office. “Both of you, get in here now.” He growled. 

Stiles grinned at the headmaster. “Hello sir. I have to say, dinner last Friday was quite pleasant.” He sat in front of the man’s desk, making himself comfortable. 

David sighed, rolling his eyes. “Harris, why are you bothering me, this time?” 

Harris smirked at Stiles. “I simply explained to Stiles it was inappropriate for him and Jackson to be making out in the hallways. He responded with foul language and threatened me.” 

Stiles glared up at him and shook his head. “Sir, if you please. Jackson and I were not making out. It was a single peck on the lips goodbye. I did not threaten him. I simply told him not to touch me. He repeatedly placed his hands on me and got into my space. I sold him if he touched me again, I would report him. If that is threatening him, I am sorry.” 

David nodded, rubbing his temples. “Adrien. It sounds to me that you are harassing a student You and Stilinski have never seen eye to eye, but if a student asks you not to touch him, you don’t touch him. If there is a problem, you bring him here. Do you understand me?” 

Harris huffed. “And the public displays of affections? It is revolting and they should keep it out of the halls.” 

David glared at him for a moment. “A simple kiss is not that big of a deal. We run a school filled with adolescent boys and it could have been much worse. There are trillions of out of control hormones in one building. Why is it so terrible that my son kissed his boyfriend? Did you get onto him, as you did Stiles or are you just upset that it was Stiles? Or is it because they are both male?” 

Stiles smiled at the headmaster as Harris sputtered indignation. “Your son had already run to class. I am not homophobic, sir. Stiles was the only person there for me to berate.” 

“There was no reason to berate them, Adrien. Stiles, go back to class, or wherever you were heading. Do you have a free period? Spend it in the library.” The headmaster took off his glasses and sighed. “Three weeks, Adrien. He graduates in three weeks and you won't have to deal with him anymore. I don’t know what you have against the kid, but it is a daily struggle with you. Do I like him dating my son? No, but that is not my decision.” He looked into the chemistry teacher’s eyes. “Unless he blatantly breaks a major rule, leave him alone. I don’t give a fuck about a kiss, or his long hair, or any other minor dress code violations. He is on campus for three fucking hours a day, leave him alone, And if I hear about you laying a hand on him, one more time, you’ll be under review, and your job will be at stake. Do you understand me?” 

Harris gaped at him. “All I did was put a hand on his shoulder. He is blowing this out of proportion.” 

David stood up and slammed his hands on the desk. “I don’t care if it was your pinky finger. A student told you not to touch him and you persisted. Get the hell out of my office and worry about your classes. Don’t worry about Stilinski, who is not in your class to begin with.” 

Harris cursed and left the office. Stiles was still in the secretary’s office talking to her about graduation. The chemistry teacher glared at him as he stormed out of the office. 

📚

Stiles sighed, looking up at the ceiling of his boyfriend’s dorm. “So, yeah, that is what happened.” 

Jackson sat on the bed beside him and ran his fingers through Stiles’s hair. “I’m sorry about that, luv. I should have stayed with you and dealt with Harris. I was just worried about getting to class on time.” 

Stiles turned, laying his head on Jackson’s lap. “It’s not your fault. He was just itching for a reason to lay into me.” He closed his eyes, sighing. “Your father was really great. I never thought he would be on my side.” 

Jackson smiled down at him. “We did nothing wrong and you don’t like to be touched. Harris knows this. My father is a reasonable man.” 

“I don’t like to be touched without my express permission.” He hummed as he opened his eyes, looking up into Jackson’s eyes. “I like when you touch me.” He sat up and kissed Jackson, cupping his jaw. “I can’t wait until I never have to see Harris again.” 

Jackson frowned, nodding. He understood Stiles’s desire to graduate, but the closer they got to graduation, the closer he got to leaving Stiles in Beacon Hills. “Yeah… graduation. I can’t believe it’s coming so quickly.” He groaned, laying back on the bed. 

Stiles moved to straddle his boyfriend’s lap and sighed. “What’s wrong? We knew graduation was coming. And I’m finally in a place where I’m actually going to graduate.” 

Jackson sat up and wrapped his arms around Stiles’s waist. “I just don’t want to waste any time with you. I know Oxford is not far from here, but do you really—“ 

Stiles kissed him, cutting him off. “Jackson, we’ll see where our relationship is when we get there. Don’t worry. If Derek is willing to watch Levi go all the way to America, I can visit you in Oxford.” 

Jackson smiled, blushing. “You really want to visit me at college?” 

Stiles nodded, tracing his cheek with his thumb. He kissed him softly. “You may be the best thing to happen to me in the last two years. I’m not giving you up so easily.” He hummed, kissing over his neck. “Will you make love to me?” 

Jackson pulled back and gazed into his eyes. “Are you sure? I want to, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to prove anything… or rush yourself.” 

Stiles shook his head, grinning. “No, I want to. Do you want to? I know it’s a big step.” 

Jackson chewed his lip, and nodded. “I want to, but I was hoping that I could make it a bit more romantic.” He chuckled softly, running his hands over his sides. “You deserve to be swept off your feet.” 

“Babe, just being with you is romantic enough for me.” Stiles chuckled, pulling him into a long kiss. Jackson groaned and laid back in the bed, pulling Stiles on top of him. 

📚

Stiles smiled, tracing his fingers over Jackson’s naked chest. He was finding some sort of pleasure just watching his boyfriend sleep. He was no stranger to sex, but he had never felt like this before. Every touch and movement was pure magic. He hummed and closed his eyes, laying his head on Jackson’s chest, and letting himself drift off. 

A few hours later he was woken by Jackson kissing his shoulder. He smiled over at him, blinking the sleep from his eyes. “Hmm, hello babe. I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight upon waking.” He sat up and kissed him softly. “What time is it?” 

Jackson hummed, running his hands over his chest. “Just a little after 6 am. I was thinking we could go out for breakfast. We have a couple hours before I have to go to class.” He smiled and kissed his shoulder. “As much as I would love to stay in bed with you all day, I am starving.” 

Stiles laughed, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “I would love to get breakfast with you. Do we have time to shower first?” 

Jackson blushed and nodded. “It’s a communal shower, down the hall. Are you okay with that?”

Stiles hummed. “Yeah, I suppose if you have a towel I can wrap myself in.” He giggled, biting his lip. “You are the only one I want to see me naked.” 

Jackson’s blush only deepened. “Yeah, of course. I have towels in the closet.” He grinned and kissed his nose. “I’m very happy to hear that. You are beautiful, but I would hate for anyone but me to see you naked. You are a rare treasure that should only be viewed in reverence.” 

Stiles smiled, tracing his cheek. “You are too sweet. Come on. Let’s go shower and I will pay for breakfast.” He crawled out of bed and began searching for his clothes as Jackson grabbed the towels. He placed his clothes on the bed and took the towel offered to him. “Thanks, babe.” 

Jackson grinned. “You’re very welcome, luv.” He pulled him into a soft kiss. “Let’s get in the shower before too many people wake up.” He chuckled and took his hand once he had wrapped the towel around himself. 

📚

Stiles grinned as he plopped himself down on Derek’s couch. “Where is everyone?” 

Talia smiled, handing him a bottle of water. “Derek is out with Levi, and Isaac is at the Hale-Argent home.” She sat beside him, patting his knee. “It’s good to see you Mischief. It’s been a while since the last time we just sat and talked. How are you?” 

Stiles sighed, sipping his water. “I’m good. I’ve been doing much better the last few weeks. I’m two weeks sober, and I’ve got this amazing boyfriend.” He chewed his lip, looking at his friend’s mother. “As much as I fought it, I think my sessions with the psychiatrist are helping.”

She nodded, grinning. “I’m so glad you are getting the help you need. Your father and I have been worried about you. I’ve only heard a few things about this Jackson, but he sounds good for you.”  She turned, putting her knee up on the couch. “I have not seen you this happy in a really long time. And in turn, Derek and the others are happy. I am so proud of you, Mischief.” 

Stiles blushed, looking at the floor. “ Thank you, Mama Hale. You know how much I value your opinion.” He fiddled with his fingers, and looked back into her eyes. “I’m sorry I caused you so much pain over the last couple years.” 

She shook her head and waved his apology off. “There is no need to apologize, Stiles. I am just happy you’re getting better. And that my stupid brother stopped feeding you drugs.” 

Stiles looked at her in shock. “You knew where I was getting my drugs?” 

Talia shrugged. “So did Chris, honestly. Peter thinks he is so sneaky, but he is not as mysterious as he thinks he is.” 

Stiles sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Why did you let him continue to do so? I would think you would have tried to stop him.” He finished his water and lit a cigarette. “Why didn’t you stop him?” 

She sat straighter and looked into his eyes. “Because at first it was just a joint here or there. I did not realize how bad it had gotten until your father caught you with the angel dust. I tore into Peter after that, and he promised that he would cut back on your drug intake. I feel like your melt down and bender was my fault. If he would have cut you off more gradually, maybe you would not have run off.” 

Stiles sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Have you told my father any of this?” He could not believe that the woman he had trusted so deeply had known who was supplying him all along. “You’re the reason he kept giving me less harmful pills.” 

Talia scrunched up her nose and nodded. “I never told your father, but yes. I’m the reason Peter stopped supplying you with the more harmful drugs.” She took his hand in hers and sighed. “When he gave you the sleeping pill and you disappeared…. I blamed myself. I’m sorry. for my part in your breakdown. I should have stopped him much sooner.” 

Stiles shook his head and sighed. “No, I would have found a way to find the drugs without Peter, and It would have been a more dangerous situation. Peter always looked out for me.” 

Talia nodded, pushing his hair from his face. “Peter doesn’t sell anything beyond pot. He bought the harder drugs so he knew you were doing them at his house. He did not want you going out to get them elsewhere. I wish he would have denied you all together but I am glad that you had somewhere safe to experiment.” 

Stiles closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. “Thank you for telling me. I never wanted to rat out Peter. He’s always been a good friend to me.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Can we talk about something else?” 

Talia nodded. “Tell me more about Jackson.” 

Stiles laughed softly. “I think I’m in love, Mama Hale.” 

Talia chuckled. “I’m happy for you. From what Derek has told me, Jackson seems like an amazing young man.” 

Stiles nodded, licking his lips. “I can’t believe I ever thought he was an asshole and I gave him a black eye.” He grinned, looking up at the ceiling. “Peter gave me such hell for that one.” 

Talia smiled. “Sometimes we don’t see the good things when they land right in front of us. We need someone to knock us upside the head and point out blessings for us.” She chuckled. ”It’s only been like a month and a half.”

Stiles had a stupid grin on his face. “Yeah, but he has been amazing through everything.” He sighed. “I’m going to hate it when he leaves at the end of the summer.” 

Talia nodded. “That will be hard. Derek is dealing with the same difficulty.” She patted his leg. “Why don’t I start on dinner and you invite Jackson over? I want to meet this man that has stolen your heart.” 

Stiles nodded and pulled his phone out. “I might have to go pick him up.” 

She nodded, heading to the kitchen. “Dinner will be served at 7pm sharp.” She hummed happily as she sent out a few texts and began gathering the ingredients for dinner. 

📚

Stiles laughed as Isaac made a joke. They had finished the dinner Talia made about an hour ago, and the group was sitting around the living room, talking over each other. He was sitting on Jackson’s lap and he could not remember the last time his little group of friends had all been together enjoying themselves. “Remember that time that we refused to get out of the tree behind my house? We swore we were going to sleep out there all night.” 

Isaac giggled, shaking his head. “Your dad was so frustrated with us, and had to call Cameron to get me down.” 

Jackson smiled at the two friends and shook his head. “How old were you?”

Stiles hummed thinking. “I think we were 9.” He kissed the top of his head and sighed. “It took them hours to get us down.”

Isaac nodded. “And then I almost broke my arm climbing down.” He chuckled. “His dad was so frustrated, and worried.” 

Jackson laughed, shaking his head. “You two have always been a little mischievous?” 

Stiles nodded. “He is like the little brother I never had.” He reached out and took Isaac’s hand. 

Isaac scowled at him. “I’m two months older than you.” He sat up and took Stiles’s hand. “But he has been one of the biggest support systems in my life. I’m glad he has you now, Jackson.”

Jackson smiled, kissing Stiles’s neck. “I’m glad I have him too. I am glad that I got the chance to meet all of you.” He hummed, happily, looking up at the matriarch of the hale household. “Thank you for inviting me Mrs. Hale.” 

Talia grinned at him. “Call me Mama Hale. Everyone else does.” She walked around the room making sure everyone’s glasses were filled. “It’s getting late. Does everyone have a way home or do you need to stay here?” 

Stiles chewed his lip, looking at his phone. “Actually, I have to get Jackson back before curfew. Ready to go babe?” 

Jackson nodded, finishing his soda. “Yeah, it was great having dinner with everyone. Hopefully we can do it again soon.” 

Allison stood and hugged them both. “Well, you both are expected at my dads’ house Saturday. Peter is barbecuing.” 

Stiles nodded, kissing her cheek. “We’ll be there. Is that alright, babe?”

Jackson nodded, hugging Allison. “I would love to go.” 

Stiles grinned, leading him out to the jeep. “They all love you.” He leaned against the jeep, looking into his eyes. 

Jackson smiled, pressing his lips to Stiles’s. “They are a pretty amazing group of people. When I first met you, my dad said you were in a gang, but that is a wildly wrong judgment.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re a family.” 

Stiles chuckled. “You’re father never liked me much, but I think he is beginning to come around.” 

Jackson shook his head. “No, he still hates you. He’s being nice because I love you.” 

Stiles blushed, grinning at him. “I love you too.” 

Jackson grinned, kissing him deeply. “I wish I did not have to go home.” 

Stiles hummed. “Me either, but I promised your father that I would follow all his rules.” 

Jackson groaned. “Want to stay over again?” 

Stiles shook his head. “I can’t. My father is kind of upset I did not come home last night.” 

Jackson nodded. “Alright. I guess we’ll see each other tomorrow at school.” 

Stiles nodded. “Get in the jeep, babe. I don't want to get you in trouble.” 

Jackson sighed and nodded as he climbed into the vehicle. 

📚

Stiles shuffled on the balls of his feet as he knocked on Peter’s door. The professor opened the door and raised a brow at him. “Stiles. How can I help you?” 

Stiles let out a breath and punched the older man in the nose. “You’ve been lying to me, for a year and a half.” 

Peter chuckled, gripping his nose. “You’ve always been able to throw a great punch. Come on. Let’s go talk in my office.” 

Stiles stormed into the house and up to the familiar office. “I can’t believe I trusted you.” 

Peter sighed, as he grabbed a tissue off his desk and began cleaning the blood off his face. “Yes, I lied to you, but it was for your own protection. You are like a nephew to me, Stiles. Do you really think I would let you go out there and get drugs from some street dealer?” 

Stiles sat down and crossed his arms, glaring at the older man. “I kept your secret, and there was never a secret to keep, Peter. Chris and Talia already knew.” 

Peter raised a brow at him. “My husband knows? Well that is news to me.” He chuckled. “I think you broke my nose, Stiles.” 

Stiles rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry. I just… I was never in any danger, was I?” 

Peter shrugged. “I told you. Don’t trust what I give you. You were a danger to yourself, and you proved that every time you were on a bender. At least if you were here, I could keep an eye on you and you would not overdose.” He sighed, rolling his head back. “I was trying to protect you, and everyone around you. They would all be crushed, if something happened to you.” 

Stiles sighed, looking at the blood on his hand. “Talia told me that… She said that she thought you were just giving me pot until I got caught with the angel dust. Why’d you let me get so far gone.” 

Peter sighed. “Because I tried to talk you out of it and you wouldn’t listen. You were determined to try anything to hide your pain. I love you too much to let something happen to you, but I couldn’t talk to you out of anything.” He licked the blood from his lip. “Maybe we should go to the hospital.” 

Stiles smirked and nodded. “I really got a good one there.” He gestured to the door. “Come on, I’ll drive you there. Where is Chris?” 

Peter smiled following him out to the jeep. “He is at a symposium about German folklore. It’s at UCLA and he’ll be there all weekend.” 

Stiles chuckled. “How are you going to explain the broken nose?” 

Peter sighed. “I'll tell him the truth and he’ll say I deserved it. I really do.” 

Stiles laughed as he got in his jeep and waited for Peter to get in before he headed to the hospital. “I’m sorry that I broke your nose.” 

Peter smirked. “I’m just glad to see you sticking up for yourself. Even if it is against me.” He groaned and popped his nose back into place. “You never told anyone where you got the drugs, and I appreciate that too.” 

Stiles nodded. “Yeah, whatever.” 

To be continued…

[maggieqp]

it’s happening again.

back in October majority of the ppl in my friend group planned a Halloween party, which I was originally invited to. But later was uninvited without any fucking notice, because I’m surrounded by assholes ya know. Claiming “ there was too many people coming already, and you would’ve been late anyway”. But I was fine with that I let it slide, acting like everything was perfectly normal.

Then there was a thanksgiving party, which I was invited to and did attend, still feeling a bit unwelcome by some people but otherwise it was okay. Finally feeling like everything was going good again.

now it’s fucking Christmas time, well they’re hosting a Christmas party which again I am invited too. I thought everything was fine until this morning. Sitting in the holding area at school two of my friends and I have this conversation.

p” did you see they added H to the Xmas thing”

B”yes I saw that”

me”no I didn’t let me check” the group chat was originally on snap so I check there, and there’s nothing.

me”no I don’t see anything, is it on text?”

p”yes”

me”oh well I’m not on it” at this point my chest starts to hurt and it hasn’t stopped all day.

B”I’ll text A (the host) and let her know to add you”

me”okay cool”

after that we all go on with the conversation, then in homeroom me and B have this conversation.

After building up a lot of courage.

me”hey can you text A and ask if I’m supposed to be on that group chat?”

b”of course” and B texts A, I don’t know what B texted her but I trust B a lot so I don’t think it was anything bad.

me”because I’m an over thinker can you also say that if I’m not supposed to be on there that it’s okay”

b”yes I will”

then we all go on with our day, and everything is fine expect my fucking head it spinning and my chest hurts.

later in art class me and B have another conversation.

Me”question, is PP on that gc?”

b”no”

adding some context PP is a bully who is still in our friend group for some reason, and A originally invited her as a joke.

me”oh ok”

b”yes can you imagine if she just showed up”

after this conversation it made me feel like they were treating me like PP, as if I had done something wrong to them. Even though I have never once talking shit about them to anyone but myself I am so fucking nice to them when I shouldn’t be because they are a bunch of shallow bullies who only care about the self’s.

I am so fucking tired of their shit, I just want it all to stop because I am at my fucking breaking point. And nobody fucking cares, I absolute love B with all my heart. But today I was dropping hints to her that I am not okay and she just took them as jokes, which is fine because that’s how I was presenting them. But I am not okay, and I can’t do this anymore. But I know if I say a single bad fucking things about any of them that they will funding crucify me especially one of them names BW. she has admittedly had a bad year but so have I, and all everyone seems to care about is how her year is going. And ya know what she’s always in some type of fucking drama and has attempted to spread shit about me. Saying I was talking bad about her at lunch, even though I wasn’t even present at the lunch she was talking about so I quickly shut her ass down in the nicest way possible.

another bit of context during homecoming there was a huge divede in our friend group and BW was at the center of it, this is where she said I was talking about her. And while the situation has mended it is still not the same at all.

like this whole situation at homecoming really fucked me up because I want to be friends with all of them, but it felt like I had to pick sides every fucking day. To the point I had a fucking anxiety attack in public, but of course no one cares about that. No one cares how stuff affects me because they are too busy thinking about the’ self’s when I have spent my whole fucking life thinking about other people and how to make them happy.

And you know what I’m done messaging people first when I think they’re angry at me, no more damage control, no more letting them walk all over me. I’m fucking done.

but at the end of the day. Although everyone who has seen my previous post, and myself know that I will change nothing, I have written so many posts about how fake my friends are and how I’ll cut them off. But I never fucking do because I’m fucking pathetic as shit.

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘TED MADE IT! IM SO HAPPY! YAY TEDDY AND EMMETT ADVENTURE TIME!!! Damn it, so everyone is in couples except Brian and Justin. Why couldn’t Brian go with Justin to LA? This sucks’ ‘oh wow Lindsay is really a fucking bitch. I get the worry though but holy shit what the fuck happened to her? I hate this shit. Throw them both away’ he is so annoyed with Lindsay and Melanie that he is currently repeating the words ‘break up’ over and over. They break up: ‘I TOLD YALL THIS SHIT LIKE TWO SEASONS AGO. FUCKING FINALLY now lets go to Brian and Justin’ ben and michael got engaged ‘man, they’re really stealing the spotlight, huh? DUDE. THIS IS NOT THE TIME. Stealing Debbies shine. Rude.’ And Justin is officially in LA ‘so he went to LA? When? What? Huh? This looks like that party at that club dudes place. I still don’t like this director guy. I hate this. Okay be honest, who is this actor Connor supposed to be? Tom Cruise? Or? He better not get in a way of my two boys or I’m fighting every person who wrote this show.‘ and the gang made it to Toronto ‘so this is like a play on that toronto is like Gay Pittsburgh? This does look like Woodys. BRIAN! OH MY GOD ITS BRIAN! Okay pause *stops tv AGAIN* listen. Remember how Brian reacted to Hunters handjob thingy? Pair that up with Hunters reaction to Brian explaining planes to Mike. BAM! Uncle and nephew duo! I love these two. I can’t believe i didnt think he wouldnt go to canada with a plane. That makes the most sense in the whole show. HE’S RIDING! THE RIDE! Wait stop. *pauses tv AGAIN!* so let me get this right? He found out from Mike that Justin was wanted in LA and his immediate reaction when realizing that Justin is turning it down is to lie about not doing the ride so that Justin wouldn’t sacrifice his future? What the fuck? I mean i know he cares about his future *looks at me and smiles* thats kinda the hottest part about him. But this is UGH. AW BRI AND EM HUGGED! AND HES SMILING! I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE IS FINALLY HAPPY BUT HELL, BLONDIE IS MISSING’ ‘i forgot how much Brian hates marriages. Im kinda surprised that they went that extra with it. Id get if he hated it for himself but others? I feel like he would be more of a minding my own business kinda person. Like me. *looks at me like he’s really proud of himself* me and Brian are clearly the same person because i know my bri bri.’ And we are back to LA ‘i dont know why but i really hate this. Like it’s weird. I love Blondie and the idea of his career becoming huge is awesome but this is just eh. (Justin says his ‘fucking’ line in the meeting) OH MY GOD. I FUCKING LOVE HIM LIKE THIS! PLEASE BLONDIE NEVER CHANGE! This kinda reminds me of when Brian said to Debbie that being a true american is getting fucked in the ass when they went to vote. They really are made for each other’ Mikey/Ben’s wedding is on ‘WHAT THE FUCK?! ALREADY? Awww Brian is his best man! No matter how he feels about stuff, he still cares the most about his friends. *points to tv* BRIAN IS THROWING THE CONFETTI! HES HAPPY FOR THEM BUT HE HAS TO BE GRUMPY AT TIMES. MY BABY HAS GROWN SO MUCH!’ ‘I just realized that Brian missed lindsays wedding and Blondie missed this one. They really cant be together. What the fuck is wrong with writers? Why do they hate them?’ And the Ride has officially started ‘AW BRIAN IS GONNA KICK ASS! Debbie is his mother! Why am i getting emotional by this, i already knew it? This wouldve been better with Blondie but GO BRI BRI! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!!! We should do something like this. You think its hard? We could have little pride flags on it like Ted! DID YOU SEE BRIS SMILE AT THE END? He tries to act tough but damn it, he really is finally happy, isnt he? If only fucking LA didn’t ruin it. But it’s okay, we got one more episode and all will be fixed!’ He is fully convinced that Brian will confess his love in the last ep. He is so sure that he sent a voice memo to family group chat AND friend group chat to let them know that the ‘i love you scene is coming up in the next episode! I’ll let you guys know how the fuck its gonna go down’

I’m with your brother - I love Brian getting excited for Mikey and Ben. He may not want marriage (loaded statement I know) but he wants to help others who do want it! Just like with Mel and Lindsay! (who are now broken up so that’s not a great example)

Brian has to go on the ride and not to LA for MANHOOD reasons. It’s stupid. It’s a dumb storyline. They could have done so much more with the history of the AIDS ride. Alas.

GAH! Work. More later!

[munch-mumbles]

sorryfor using this acc as a bitch and moan diary itll keep happening

holy shit i am like agonizingly unbearably lonely it just hit me like a truck and im trying not to start crying at work about it. my roommates made a couple comments/jokes amounting to “youre happier/healthier than me” which shouldnt be getting under my skin but it is. im not happy. i hear you talking to your groups of friends on vc all the time while i barely talk to like 3 people ever. my room is turning into a nightmare because i genuinely barely have the energy to do anything about it. my fucking job is driving me insane and im stuck here and in jobs like this forever while you get to hang out on your phone for the majority of your shift. im constantly worried about money while you have a huge savings account and can afford to live working part time. my body is falling apart and i hate it and my parents dont accept me and i probably cant go on testosterone ever while youre already on it and your dad accepts you. everything just keeps getting worse and i dont know how im supposed to keep doing this when the bare minimum is just too much for me