#how the anxiety living in me is not a sign that i'm doing something wrong

[tjhmnd]

today is just a hard day mentally bc i fucking miss my mom

[br0kenangel]

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ 𓇼 ࣪ 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐲 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⭒⠀

Pairing: Serial Killer Aegon x Victim Reader

Summary: you just wanted to enjoy the night with your best friend and getting fucked. But what was waiting for you was much more scary than anything you had ever expected...

Warning: kidnapping, blood, abuse, unwanted touch, murder.

˚꒰♡꒱‧ Hi there! Before you read this, you should know that English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

Original Gif by @lady-alicent ♡

The mirror gleamed back at Y/N as she carefully applied the finishing touches to her makeup, the sleek red dress clinging to her curves in all the right ways. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders, the silky strands catching the light of the vanity. Tonight, she was going to be unstoppable. On speaker, her best friend Emily's voice filled the room, excitement buzzing between them as they planned their night out.

"Girl, I swear, tonight's the night. I will get laid" Emily laughed, the sound infectious, pulling a giggle from Y/N.

"Are you sure, though? You've been talking about this for weeks. Are you finally going to get with Tom?" Y/N teased, brushing some highlighter across her cheekbones.

"Hell yeah! I'm gonna fuck his brains out!" Emily declared dramatically, causing both of them to erupt into laughter. "But what about you? Don't think I didn't see how Oliver was staring at you last time. That man is ready to risk it all."

Y/N smirked, lining her lips with a deep crimson. "Oh, Oliver won't know what hit him tonight" she winked at herself in the mirror, confident. "By the end of this party, he's going to be begging."

Emily cackled, making another inappropriate joke that had Y/N snorting, her mascara brush shaking slightly in her hand. "God, Emily, you're gonna make me mess up my makeup."

"I cant help it, you're gonna make himー"

Suddenly, Y/N froze mid-laugh. In the corner of her eye, she caught something ーa shadow shiftingby the window, just out of her line of sight. Her heart skipped, an eerie prickle crawling up her spine.

"What's wrong?" Emily's voice came through the phone, concern creeping into her playful tone.

Y/N blinked, her eyes darting around the room. Everything was still. Quiet. The only sound was Emily's distant voice on the phone. She let out a breath, forcing smile as if it could push away the unease settling in her gut. "Nothing, I just thought I saw something."

"Probably just your nerves. You've got Oliver on the brain too much!" Emily teased, bringing the conversation back to its lightheartedness.

"Yeah, you're right," Y/N muttered, trying to shake off the strange feeling. She continued applying her makeup, but every now and then, her gaze flicked back to the window. That uneasy chill hadn't left, a quiet whisper in her mind that something wasn't quite right. But it was probably nothing.

At least, that's what she told herself.

The night was pitch black, the only light coming from the dim glow of Y/N’s headlights as they cut through the lonely, desolate road. Trees stretched out on either side, their branches twisting together to form a canopy of shadows. The once lively conversation with Emily had died down to a nervous exchange of directions as Y/N found herself completely lost in the maze of unfamiliar back roads.

"Are you sure this is the right way?" Y/N asked, her voice tight with frustration, gripping the wheel a little too hard. The GPS had stopped working a while ago, leaving her utterly reliant on Emily’s instructions.

“I swear, Y/N, it’s the right way! Just keep going straight, and you’ll see a sign soon, I promise,” Emily’s voice reassured her, though it did little to calm the rising anxiety bubbling in her chest.

Straight. That’s all she had to do. But the road seemed endless, stretching out in front of her like a void, each passing second growing thicker with unease. Y/N glanced around, her stomach flipping as the dark woods loomed over her. It felt like something was watching from the trees.

"Emily, I don’t see anything—" Y/N began, but her words were cut off in a scream as a figure suddenly appeared from the darkness, leaping in front of her car.

THUD.

The impact jolted her entire body forward, the screech of brakes cutting through the stillness as the car skidded to a halt. Y/N’s heart was racing, pounding so hard she could barely breathe. The world outside was silent again, but the deafening thud of the hit echoed in her ears, over and over.

“Y/N? Y/N! What the hell just happened?!” Emily’s voice was frantic, but Y/N barely heard her.

She stared ahead, wide-eyed, her hands trembling on the wheel. What just happened? Did I hit him? Did I just… kill someone?

Her throat was dry as she swallowed, trying to steady herself. "I… I think I hit someone. I’m not sure." Her voice was shaky, barely above a whisper.

“What?! Are you okay?! What happened?” Emily’s voice was nearly drowned out by the ringing in Y/N’s ears, her panic rising with every passing second. Y/N’s hands moved to unbuckle her seatbelt, her body feeling as if it was moving on autopilot. "I need to check. I’ll call you back."

“What? No, wait—” Y/N hung up, her mind spinning with terror as she opened the door and stepped out into the suffocating darkness. The wind was cool, but her skin prickled with cold sweat. The night was unnaturally quiet, save for the rapid beating of her heart in her ears.

Her eyes landed on the crumpled figure lying in the road just ahead, and her stomach lurched. She could barely see him in the dim light of her car’s headlights, his body twisted at an unnatural angle. Every instinct screamed for her to run, but her feet moved forward, her breath shallow.

She knelt beside the man, her hands trembling as she reached out. "Hey… Hey, are you okay?" Her voice cracked, almost pleading. She shook his shoulder gently, her breath catching in her throat. Please don’t be dead. Please, God, don’t be dead.

He didn’t respond, his body limp. Y/N’s heart plummeted. For a horrifying moment, she thought she’d killed him. I hit him, I really hit him. What if he’s dead? What if I—

But then she noticed it—his chest, rising and falling slowly. He was still breathing.

Y/N let out a shaky breath, a wave of relief crashing over her. "Oh, thank God…" she muttered, her hands moving to check for any sign of consciousness. "Hey, can you hear me? You’re gonna be okay, I’ll get you help. Just hang on."

Her voice was trembling as she stood, rushing back to the car to grab her phone. Her hands fumbled with the door handle, her pulse pounding in her ears. She had to call for help. Get him to the hospital.

But just as she reached into the car for her phone, something hard and solid slammed into the back of her head.

Pain exploded through her skull, white-hot and blinding. Her vision blurred instantly, the world spinning as her body crumpled to the ground. Her mind scrambled to make sense of what was happening, but all she could register was the unbearable, crushing pain.

She tried to blink away the darkness closing in around her, her breaths ragged and desperate, but the force of the blow had knocked her senses loose. Through the dizzy haze, she saw him—the man she had just hit, standing above her with a rock in his hand. The sickening realization crashed into her like a freight train.

It was a trap.

Her heart raced, adrenaline surging through her, but her limbs felt heavy, numb. She wanted to scream, to fight, but her vision was dimming, the pain dragging her under. The last thing she saw before everything went black was the man’s cold, emotionless face, looming over her as she slipped into the abyss.

Y/N's consciousness flickered like a dying flame, dragging her unwillingly from the void. The pain in her head was the first thing she registered-an unbearable, spliting agony that pulsed in time with her heartbeat, making her feel like her skull was about to crack open. She groaned, but the sound came out muffled, trapped behind something in her mouth. Panic started to set in as she realized she couldn't open her jaw; the taste of dirty fabric filled her mouth. A gag.

Disoriented, she blinked slowly, trying to make sense of where she was. Her vision was blurry, her surroundings a nauseating haze of darkness and shadow. Everything reeked. The stench hit her all at once- thick, putrid, suffocating. It was a mix of urine, sweat, blood, and something far more decayed. The smell clawed at the back of her throat, making her gag against the cloth. She fought back the urge to vomit, knowing it would only choke her.

Her body felt... wrong. Heavy. Aching. Every muscle was sore, every inch of her skin stung with a dull, throbbing pain. When she tried to move, she realized why: she was tied up. Her arms were bound tightly behind her back, the coarse rope biting into her wrists and cutting off circulation. Her legs were bound too, her ankles tied together so tightly she could barely wiggle her toes.

Where the hell am I? The last thing she remembered was... the man. The man she had hit. Her heart jumped into her throat, the memory rushing back to her all at once一the impact, the body on the road, the moment of relief when she realized he was still breathing. And then... then he had attacked her. Everything went black after that. And now I'm here.

Her breath quickened as she took in her surroundings. The room was small, cramped, with walls so grimy she could barely tell their original color. Blood smeared the walls in splatters and streaks, both fresh and old, the sickening reminder of whatever horrors had taken place here before. There were stains on the floor, dark, sticky patches that made her skin crawl. And then she noticed the other things一flesh, torn and hanging like trophies from hooks. Bones, carelessly strewn on the floor, cracked and splintered. She wanted to scream, but the gag silenced her, the terror building in her chest until it felt like she might suffocate on it.

But she wasn't alone.

In the dim light, she saw them-other women. At least five of them, maybe more. All of them were bound like her, gagged, naked, their bodies bruised and filthy. Some of them were barely conscious, their heads lolling weakly, while others stared at her with wide, terrified eyes. There was something about their expressions that sent ice shooting down her spine-those hollow, desperate eyes, like animals resigned to their fate.

One of them, a woman with tear-streaked cheeks and a gag so tight it had rubbed her mouth raw, met Y/N's gaze. She shook her head slowly, almost imperceptibly, her eyes full of warning. It was as if she was trying to tell her something, something Y/N didn't yet understand. Don't move. Don't fight. Don't make a sound.

But Y/N wasn't like them. She couldn't just sit here and wait to die. Fear surged through her veins, but so did adrenaline. She had to get out. I have to get out.

Slowly, carefully, she began to squirm, trying to shift her weight without making too much noise. Every movement was agonyーher wrists felt like they were being sliced open by the ropes, and her muscles screamed in protest. But she didn't stop. She couldn't. If she stayed here, she was dead.

As she inched her way toward the door, the other women watched her, their eyes filling with fresh tears, their bodies trembling as they silently begged her stop. But she couldn't stop. She had to get free. She had to.

The closer she got to the door, the more hope flickered inside her-until she fell. Her hands slipped, and her body hit the floor with a dull thud. She landed in something wet and slimy, the smell assaulting her senses immediately. It was a disgusting mix of rotting food, excrement, and something else- something thick and foul that clung to her skin and made her gag. Her stomach churned violently, the bile rising in her throat, but she swallowed it down, focusing on the door just a few feet away.

But then the door creaked open.

The sound was slow, deliberate, and it filled the room like a death knell, Y/N froze, her heart hammering in her chest, her body tensing as the dim light from the hall spilled into the room.

He stepped inside.

The man. The same man she had hit with her car. He stood in the doorway, his silhouette tall and menacing, his face twisted into a sickening grin. His eyes scanned the room, and when they landed on Y/N, his expression darkened. Rage boiled just beneath the surface of his face, twisting his features into something monstrous.

"What do we have here?" he muttered, his voice low and dangerous.

Before Y/N could even try to scramble away, he was on her. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her up, dragging her across the filthy floor as she screamed against the gag. Pain shot through her scalp, white-hot and unbearable, but the terror that gripped her heart was even worse. He was going to kill her. He was going to kill her right now.

"You stupid, stupid girl" he hissed, his voice thick with venom as he dragged her back to where she'd been. "You thought you could just leave? You thought you could escape?" He threw her down onto the cold floor, kicking her hard in the stomach for good measure.

The breath was knocked from her lungs, and for a moment, everything went dark. She gasped for air, her body convulsing in pain, but she couldn't get enough oxygen. Her vision blurred, her mind spinning with fear and panic. This is it. I'm going to die.

"You should be thankful l'm not going to punish you further;" he spat, kneeling down beside her, his breath hot and rancid against her face. "You're new. I'm feeling generous today."

Y/N's body shook uncontrollably as she lay there, too weak and terrified to move. But then, just as quickly as the anger had come, his expression changed. The rage melted away, replaced by something far more sinister. His hand, still tangled in her hair, began to stroke her scalp gently, his voice softening as if he hadn't just brutalized her.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, his tone dripping with faux concern. "I didn't mean to hurt you. You just made me so... angry. it's your fault, you know? If you hadn't tried to leave.." His fingers trailed down her neck, his touch lingering on her skin as he murmured, "You're so beautiful. So.. perfect."

"Soft," he murmured, as though admiring the texture of fabric instead of skin. He leaned in closer, inhaling deeply as he buried his face in her hair, his breath warm and sickening against her skin. "You smell so good... You're going to make the perfect doll."

Y/N's mind spun with confusion and horror. Doll? What did that mean? She wanted to scream, to thrash and fight, but her body felt like it was frozen, paralyzed by fear and exhaustion. Her tears welled up, spilling down her cheeks as she trembled beneath his touch.

Y/N's breath caught in her throat as his hand slid lower, caressing her naked body with possessive, almost reverent strokes. His fingers traced the curve of her breast, the dip of her waist, the swell of her hips. He was taking his time, savoring the touch, the control, the power. Y/N felt sick, her stomach twisting in knots as she lay there, helpless, her mind screaming for it to stop. But she couldn't Scream. She couldn't move.

"You're going to be perfect" he whispered, his lips brushing against her ear. "Just... perfect."

She wanted to disappear, to sink into the floor and never exist again. But all she could do was lie there, paralyzed by fear and disgust, as he continued to touch her. His hands roamed over her body, his breath hot and heavy against her skin. Every touch felt like fire, burning into her flesh, marking her. She could feel his excitement, his anticipation, and it made her want to vomit.

Then, suddenly, he stood up.

“Not today" he said, smiling down at her with a look of twisted affection. "Today isn't your day."

Y/N's stomach lurched as she realized what he meant. Not her day. But soon. Her tears blurred her vision, her entire body shaking uncontrollably as she tried to scream through the gag. She couldn't stop the sob that broke through, muffled but desperate.

He laughed softly, brushing her hair out of her face with a gentleness that felt like a mockery of kindness. "Shhh" he cooed, "don't cry. You'll ruin your pretty face. And I love your face."

Before she knows it, the man turned his attention to one of the other women-a blonde who had been sitting silently in the corner, her eyes wide with terror. Without a word, he grabbed her by the hair, yanking her to her feet with a sickening cruelty. The woman's body convulsed in terror, her eyes filling with tears as she let out a muffled scream behind her gag.

She struggled weakly, her limbs trembling, but it was no use. He dragged her toward the door, pulling her like a rag doll, her body limp with fear. She was looking at her. Like a lamb. Wide eyes. Begging for help. But Y/N couldn't do anything.

Y/N watched in horror as the door slammed shut behind them. The remaining women in the room sobbed softly, the sound of their crying mixing with Y/N's own frantic breaths.

Then the noise began.

The sound of metal on flesh, a sharp, wet thwack followed by a crunch that made Y/N's blood run cold. The woman's faint cries echoed through the walls, but they were quickly drowned out by the sickening sound of the ax splitting flesh and bone. The rhythm was steady, methodical, like someone chopping wood ーonly it wasn't wood. lt was human.

Y/N closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. All she could do was wait, knowing that soon... it would be her turn.

Should I make a part 2?

@ 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒. 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒑𝒚, 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒆𝒃𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔.

[rafesapologist]

the set up — rafe cameron; part ten

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: you've been one of the pogues since childhood, and your loyalty has always lied within your friend group, who is practically your family. when a threat by the name of rafe cameron begins to threaten the pogue's plans, they assign you to gain the trust of the dubious kook and keep an eye on what he's up to. however, now it's been six months since your friends set you up to spy on the kook prince himself, but what you didn't anticipate was to fall head over heels for the boy. your relationship had soon become inviolable shortly after your guys' first exchanges, much to your friends' dismay, and you two became practically inseperable. that was, until rafe discovers the truth.

warnings: angst, sad rafe, idk i might be forgetting something

author's note: this chapter is both long and not entirely proof read so bear with me lol. i also wrote this at like 4 am so please. anyways, i want to start making the chapters a bit longer for you guys since i've been away for so long. enjoy!

"Y/n, what's wrong? What's going on?" You could feel Rafe's tangible consternation right through the phone. Your chest felt like it was caving in, accompanied by the growing, nausea-inducing pit in your stomach formulated from your feelings of guilt. The way his typically baritone voice was strained and quiet, presumably from the unexpected "emergency"phone call you had presented him with.

"I-I got into a huge fight with JJ," you fibbed with the help of the crack in your voice and a sorrowing tone that could only make Rafe crumble right in your hands, "it's a long story, but I need to get out of here. I can't be in this place any longer, Rafe." You fraudulently sobbed.

"Okay, okay.. Just breathe, yeah? I can come and get you in a second I just really have to finish this thing with my dad fir-"

"Rafe, please. I need you now." You pleaded as though your life depended on it, which in a way, it did. You realized that had your attempt to lure Rafe into your arms failed, your friends would be in a heap of danger.

An audible sigh was heard from the other sign of the phone, along with muffled chatter that you assumed was Rafe and Ward talking. The conversation, or what you heard of it, sounded like back-and-forth bickering for the most part, which caused a wave of anxiety to wash over you as you began to pick at your nails. Seconds felt like hours as you waited to hear Rafe's voice again on the other side, but it sounded as though the conversation continued. You stayed on the other side of the line in complete silence, not wanting to interrupt the matter, but the longer it took your nerves ensued.

"I'm on my way." Rafe suddenly responded, taking you off guard after not hearing him address you within a period of time.

"Thank you." You whispered, a small smile of satisfaction present on your face at what you had managed to accomplish. Perhaps Rafe was more infatuated than you imagined, you thought.

*NEW MESSAGE FROM Y/N to KIARA CARRERA: done.*

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Time passed by quickly whilst you waited for Rafe's arrival. You paced the living room back and forth a few times, wondering how you were going to pull off such a stunt despite the pit in your stomach growing and your hands trembling with unease. Your mind became your worst enemy as you thought through everything that could go wrong as you anxiously waited for the time to come, replaying every bad scenario through your head over and over again - until you were practically sick.

Your pessimistic thoughts were cut to a halt by a loud knock at the door, one that sounded more like someone was pounding on the other side. The noise made your body jump as you immediately turned a heel towards the door. You approached hesitantly, trying to kill as much time as possible before you'd open the door, but as time progressed the knocking became quicker and louder thuds that raddled the chateau.

"Y/n. Are you hurt? Did he do something to you cause I'll kick that son of a bitch to a pul-"

"No, Rafe, I'm not hurt. Not physically, at least." You shook your head, forcing out your voice in the most pathetic tone you could possible mimic. Rafe frowned in response as he noticed the way your head hung low and eyes stayed glued to the ground.

"What did he say to you?" Rafe softly asked, approaching you with caution and ease as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, causing a familiar sense of butterflies to errupt and flutter around in your stomach.

"He just brought up a bunch of stuff about my family and called me a traitor for spending time with you. For being with you, basically." Your vision became blurry as tears clouded your view, unsure of how they got there, but you mentally applauded yourself for such a performance.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. C'mere." Rafe cooed sympathetically as he pulled you into his arms tightly, possibly the tightest embrace you've felt in your life, but in a sense it felt good to be held like that. Like nothing in the world could hurt you while you were wrapped up in Rafe Cameron's arms, as insane as it sounded to you.

Your body relaxed in his arms, eyes closing as you soaked up every bit of his warmth. You nearly hummed in such delight before stopping yourself, not wanting to feed into Rafe's ego more than you already were just by calling him over for help. But it did feel nice, a feeling that came as a shock to you.

"I wanna get out of here, Rafe. Please." You sniffled, looking up at the brooding figure with those sad puppy-dog eyes that could make any man melt in your hands.

"Of course. Do you want to come back to my place? You can spend the night with me if you don't feel like going home."

You shook your head, "I don't wanna go home, especially not like this. Are you sure it's okay if I stay with you tonight?"

"Yeah, yeah 'course it is. Besides, my dad probably wont be back tonight and Rose and Wheezie are with him so I'll need the company. I'd prefer yours over theirs anyways." Rafe flashed you a small smile, hoping to diminish the frown that clouded your features as he rubbed your forearms gently.

You trailed behind Rafe on the walk to the car, watching as he held the door open and gestured your inside. You gave him a weak simper and a head nod as a symbolism of your gratitude at his sentiment. You'd be a liar if you said it didn't make your heart flutter at how caring and gentle he was being towards you, but you cursed yourself for the fact that it was all because of a lie.

"Y/n?" Rafe asked, snapping you out of your trance while you gazed out of the window.

"Yeah?"

"You aren't upset with me for earlier, are you?" He inquired, biting the inside of his cheek.

"No, why would I be?" You tilted your head, brows furrowed as you made eye contact with the blue-eyed Kook.

"I don't know. I guess I just thought you seemed a little dry when I was dropping you off earlier, s'all." Rafe coughed out, noticing how he scratched the back of his head as he spoke feebly.

"Oh, I see." You blinked, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off that way. I've just been a little tired I guess."

"No, don't apologize. It's okay." He turned his head, taking his eyes off the road for a split second to reassure you with a thin-lipped smile. You observed as he clutched the steering wheel, veins ostensibly poking through along his arms and hands in a way that made your thighs clench together tightly. You gulped silently in an attempt to restrain yourself and regain composure - this was Rafe Cameron you were talking about. Yet on the other hand, despite his vainglorious ways and haughty sense-of-self, inhis eyes, a flicker of mischief dances amidst shadows, a daring tale waiting to unfold. He was the embodiment of defiance, a canvas of contradictions where danger and allure converge in captivating disarray. You found yourself ensnared by the gravity of his presence, a force that pulled your world into his magnetic orbit. You could keep reminding yourself to run away from him, but where would you go to hide? He was everywhere, from the depths of your mind, to every turning corner of Figure 8.

You made it back to the Cameron's residence before you knew it, perhaps too caught up in the thought of Rafe to realize what was happening around you. However, once the car came to a halt and your surroundings stopped moving, reality soon greeted you once again.

You hopped out of the car, following behind Rafe like a lost puppy who didn't know where it was. You felt out of place, and a bit on edge. You wondered if your friends were okay, praying that your decoy tactics were doing them good. The other half of your nerves came from the fact that you were doing something that went against your moral code, and challenged your ability to lie to the face of someone you.. Care about?

"Do you want anything to drink? Water, tea, a soda?" Rafe asked, making his way to the kitchen with you in close pursuit.

"I'm good." You passed off his offer with a half-hearted laugh and a weak smile. As you watched him, the ambient light of the fridge casted a soft glow on his silhouette. His movements were casual, effortless, as he navigated the contents in search of a drink. The way he tilted his head slightly, the lines of his profile against the cool light—it’s a fleeting portrait etched into your memory. You found yourself caught in the simplicity of the moment, the way his fingers grazed the chilled bottles, his easy familiarity with the space. There was something mesmerizing about the way he handled the mundane, turning the ordinary into a scene worth cherishing. It was as though time slowed, encapsulating this small interaction, making it feel like an eternity. A smile tugged at your lips as you observed, captivated by his presence. The faint hum of the fridge was a backdrop to the symphony of your thoughts, all centered around this magnetic figure before you. In that unguarded moment, as he stood there unaware, he became the focal point of your world, drawing you deeper into the allure of his ordinary yet enchanting actions.

"Didn't realize I had an audience," he chuckled, catching you watching him with an amused glint in his eye. There was a playful energy in his tone, a sense that he knew he had inadvertently drawn your attention.

Leaning casually against the kitchen counter, he exuded a relaxed confidence. "If watching me rummage through the fridge becomes a regular show, I might have to start selling tickets," he teased, trying to lighten the moment but also displaying a subtle curiosity about what had captured your interest. His ego slowly peaking through, as usual.

"Oh, absolutely riveting," you retorted, a hint of sarcasm lacing your words as you met his amused gaze. "Your fridge exploration was the highlight of my day, truly." Your lips curved into a wry smile, eyes dancing with playful mockery.

Rafe hesitated for a moment, the playful glint in his eyes softening as he met your gaze. "You know, watching you watch me... it's kind of different," he began, his voice a touch softer, a hint of vulnerability slipping through his usual ease.

"I mean, it's not every day someone looks at me like... well, like that," he admitted, the words stumbling out with a hint of uncertainty. His gaze briefly faltered, a struggle evident within him as if battling between speaking his mind and holding back.

But before he could continue, he stopped himself abruptly, a shadow of hesitation crossing his features. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make things weird. Forget I said anything," he deflected, a faint tinge of regret coloring his words as he tried to backtrack, a sudden unease settling over him.

As he hesitated, you caught the shift in his demeanor, a glimpse of something vulnerable beneath his usual confidence. "No, don't," you interjected softly, reaching out to gently touch his hand, your eyes imploring him to continue. "Please, whatever you were going to say... I want to hear it."

In that suspended moment of vulnerability, he gathered the courage to speak what had been on his mind for far too long. "I... I've always felt something different around you," he confessed, his voice softer than a whisper, carrying the weight of unspoken emotions.

"It's not just the way you look at me, but... how you make me feel," he continued, his gaze locking with yours, each word chosen with care, as if he was navigating uncharted territory. "There's this warmth, this comfort that settles in whenever you're near." He paused, the air thick with anticipation, his heart pounding against the cage of his chest. He struggled to find the right words to express the depth of what he felt, a mixture of fear and longing flickering in his eyes.

But as the moment hung between them, poised on the edge of revelation, he stopped himself once more, the weight of his unspoken feelings heavy upon him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," he murmured, a flicker of uncertainty clouding his features as he withdrew, fearing he might have crossed a line.

You were stunned, his words piercing through the air, carrying a weight you hadn't expected. Your heart fluttered in response, a mix of surprise and a tinge of something deeper stirring within you.

"I never realized," you breathed out, your voice trembling slightly, trying to make sense of the emotions swirling inside. His confession had caught you off guard, unraveling a part of your own feelings you hadn't fully acknowledged.

"There's always been this... something," you confessed, your words coming out in a rush, a newfound realization taking hold. "A connection, a pull towards you that I couldn't quite define."

Yet, before you could explore this uncharted territory further, you sensed his hesitation, his retreat from the vulnerable moment you had both stepped into. The abruptness left you reeling, an unspoken ache lingering in the charged air between you.

"I didn't mean to make it awkward," you murmured, regret coloring your tone as you witnessed his uncertainty. The unspoken sentiments hung heavy, a silent conversation begging to be continued, the depth of emotions left unexplored.

In the hush of that moment, you found yourselves locked in a silent exchange. His gaze, an ocean of depths, met yours with an unwavering intensity, drawing you in like a force. You perched on the kitchen counter, feeling the cool surface beneath you, as he closed the distance, a dance of proximity that felt almost orchestrated by fate.

Closer, step by deliberate step, until the air crackled with an unspoken tension. Rafe's presence enveloped you, a shield from the outside world, as if the space around you had collapsed into a world of its own. You felt his warmth seep through the inches that separated you, a silent harmony of shared breaths.

In that suspended moment, time seemed to stand still. Your breaths mingled, creating a delicate rhythm of anticipation. His hand moved with a tenderness that spoke volumes, gently enclosing you within the confines of that intimate space.

And as his closeness eclipsed the distance between you, your eyes locked in a silent conversation, saying things that mere words couldn't articulate. The world outside faded into insignificance as the universe shrank to just the two of you, suspended in a timeless embrace of unspoken longing.

Your breath hitched, Rafe's minty-breath fanning over your skin as his lips lingered a few inches from your face. You felt a flutter in your chest as his eyes bore into yours, each glance a revelation, unraveling layers of unspoken emotions. In the depth of his stare, you sensed a vulnerability, a longing that mirrored your own.

Before you had time to think, his lips connected with yours, passionately but with a delicacy that made it seem like if he pushed too far, you would break. You took in his affection, pulling him in by the back of his neck as he hungrily devoured the cherry lip balm off of your glossy lips. Rafe kept the pace slow, but his movements were eager and greedy for more of you. His large hands trailing up your open thighs, stopping at your hips as he gripped them and squeezed at them lightly.

You moaned into his mouth as you longed for more of him, a testimate you figured you'd regret doing later, but in that moment, you needed him, and he knew it.

Rafe responded with a smirk against your lips, letting out a deep, low chuckle from the bottom of his throat that sent tingles down your spine. You arched your body towards his, caving into his touch and practically begging for more. You weren't exactly sure why you were so taken over by such feeling of lust, but you wouldn't dare brush it off.

"God, I love you." Rafe groaned, murmuring his words against your neck yet they came out plain as day. Your eyes, previously shut as you took in the bliss of what you were experiencing, now shot wide open and you stared ahead.

"You.. What?" You stammered on your words as your throat seemingly went dry.

In the wake of his sudden admission, you were left speechless, the air heavy with the unexpected weight of his confession. His words lingered in the space between you, a revelation that seemed to have shifted the very ground beneath your feet.

You looked at him, shock etched in your features, mirrored in the stunned expression on his face. In that suspended moment, an unspoken understanding passed between you, a shared astonishment at the sudden revelation.

Time seemed to halt, the air thick with a mix of emotions, leaving you both stranded in an uncomfortable silence. His confession hung in the air, and you found yourself grappling with a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings, trying to comprehend the sudden turn of events.

The shock of his abrupt admission left you reeling, unsure of how to respond, as if the ground beneath your feet had shifted. The air crackled with a charged tension, a profound moment that had unexpectedly unfolded between you, leaving you both standing at the precipice of an uncertain new chapter.

"Y/n-I... It was the heat of the moment." He was lying right through his teeth.

"Rafe you don't say those things because of 'the heat of the moment'." You stated, face still covered in shock.

"I know, I know," he replied, his voice tinged with a mix of regret and sincerity, attempting to backpedal. "But sometimes... things just spill out, you know?"

You looked at him, your expression a mix of disbelief and uncertainty, the shock still painted across your features. "You don't say those things because of 'the heat of the moment'," you stated firmly, your voice carrying a weight of conviction.

He met your gaze, his eyes searching for a lifeline in the tumultuous sea of emotions. "I guess... I might have gotten carried away," he admitted, a hint of remorse coloring his words. "But that doesn't mean I don't mean it, Y/n."

His attempt to retract his words faltered in the face of your unwavering response, leaving an uncomfortable tension hanging between you, the unspoken truth lingering in the air, too palpable to be ignored.

"I messed up, saying it like that," Rafe sighed, a hint of frustration creeping into his tone as he struggled to express himself. "But the truth is, I've been feeling this way for a while now."

You watched him, the shock slowly morphing into a mix of confusion and a glimmer of curiosity. "Rafe, why now? Why like this?" you questioned, seeking clarity in the whirlwind of emotions that engulfed both of you.

He hesitated, searching for the right words, a turbulent storm brewing in his thoughts. "I didn't plan it, it just happened," he confessed, a sense of urgency in his voice. "But... being around you, it's like discovering something I didn't know I needed. And I don't want to pretend otherwise."

The vulnerability in his admission hung in the air, an unspoken plea for understanding and a hint of desperation to convey what he truly felt. The intensity of the moment lingered, a raw and unfiltered exchange leaving you both exposed, suspended in a realm of unresolved emotions.

The sudden confession left you reeling, a storm of conflicting thoughts raging within. His words echoed in your mind, but beneath the shock, a sense of unease crept in. You couldn't ignore the inconvenient truth—you had approached him under false pretenses, a lie woven into the fabric of your interactions.

As his feelings spilled out, you couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't the right time. Guilt tugged at your conscience, reminding you that your connection with him was built on a shaky foundation. How could you entertain the possibility of reciprocating his feelings when the truth had been veiled behind a facade?

His sincerity clashed with the dishonesty looming over your encounters. The weight of regret settled heavy on your shoulders, wishing for an alternate reality where honesty could pave the way for genuine emotions to blossom.

Amidst the tumult of emotions, you grappled with the turmoil of regret, longing for a different circumstance where the truth could guide the course of your connection with him.

"Rafe.. you don't know what you're saying." You shook your head, voice quiet as your head hung low while guilt proceeded you.

"But I know how I feel, Y/n."

He watched you, a sense of helplessness clouding his features as he realized the weight of his confession. "I get it if this is too much, too soon," he murmured, a mix of sincerity and a hint of pleading in his voice. "I just needed you to know."

There was a pang of regret in his chest, knowing that his impulsive admission might have pushed things too far, too quickly. He hoped for understanding, for a chance to rectify the situation, but the gravity of his words hung heavy in the air, leaving an uncertain tension between you both.

"Rafe, please.. Don't do this." You continued shaking your head at him, your body deterring his words away from you.

Rafe’s expression softened, his eyes reflecting a mix of remorse and a longing to make things right. "I didn't mean to make things complicated," he said, his voice laced with regret as he recognized the distress in your plea.

"I'll back off, I promise," he assured, a sense of resignation coloring his words. "I'll give you space, whatever you need."

He took a step back, giving you a gentle nod as if to affirm his commitment to respecting your wishes. Though the weight of his unspoken feelings lingered, he understood the importance of honoring your request, his regret palpable in the ache of the unspoken words he left hanging in the air.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Rafe. I just - I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

Rafe's features softened once more, a glint of understanding in his eyes as he absorbed your words. "I hear you," he replied softly, a tinge of regret lacing his voice. "Maybe I jumped the gun."

He took a step closer, a reassuring gesture without encroaching on your space. "I get it, Y/n. I don't want to complicate things for you," he acknowledged, a sense of empathy coloring his words. "I'll... figure it out."

There was a lingering sadness in his eyes, a realization that the depth of his feelings might have inadvertently disrupted the delicate balance. He offered a faint, understanding smile, silently conveying his acceptance of your decision while grappling with the weight of unspoken sentiments swirling within him.

Your heart ached at the sight of him, the turmoil of emotions swirling within you as you watched Rafe navigate the complexities of the moment. There was a pang of empathy mixed with a tinge of regret, knowing that his heartfelt confession had collided with a reality too intricate to unravel.

His genuine vulnerability struck a chord within you, the sincerity in his eyes a poignant reminder of the depth of his feelings. Despite the complexities, there was an undeniable longing in his gaze, a silent plea for understanding.

Yet, amidst the ache, you held firm, knowing that conceding to the whirlwind of emotions might only deepen the intricate web you both found yourselves entangled in. The ache in your chest was a silent testament to the conflicting desires to both embrace and pull away from the vulnerability that lay bare between you.

With a gentle resolve in your voice, you offered a solution to diffuse the tension hanging in the air. "I'm going to go to bed. I'll sleep in the guest room if you'd like for me to," you softly stated, your gaze fixed on Rafe, awaiting his response.

Rafe met your gaze, a mix of gratitude and regret flickering in his eyes. "I appreciate that," he replied quietly, his voice carrying a hint of resignation. "But you don't have to do that. You can take my room; I'll take the guest."

There was a sense of mutual understanding in his response, a tacit acknowledgment of the unspoken boundaries between you. As you turned to leave, a bittersweet atmosphere lingered, the weight of unresolved emotions hanging in the air, leaving both of you to navigate the uncharted territories of unspoken sentiments.

Your heart urged you to offer more, to say something that could alleviate the heaviness in the room, yet words eluded you. You wished to ease the ache in Rafe's eyes, to erase the tension that had woven its way between you both.

But the weight of the moment held you captive, words caught in the tangled threads of conflicting emotions. You longed to express understanding, to mend the rift caused by the unexpected turn of events, but the complexity of the situation left you grappling with the silence.

With a heavy sigh and a lingering gaze, you retreated, knowing that sometimes the silence spoke louder than any words you could muster, and hoping that time might offer a balm to heal the unspoken wounds that lingered between you and Rafe.

As you made your way to Rafe's room, guilt weighed heavy on your shoulders, each step a reminder of the tangled web of emotions you found yourself entwined in. The faint echo of your own footsteps seemed to resonate with the uncertainty that clouded your mind.

Slipping under the covers, the warmth of the room offered little comfort against the turmoil within. You couldn't shake off the guilt, a relentless companion that followed you into the darkness. The sheets felt colder than usual, a stark contrast to the turmoil raging inside you.

Lying there, your thoughts tangled in a maze of regret, you replayed the events of the evening, questioning the choices that led to this poignant moment. The weight of the situation pressed down on you, leaving you feeling adrift in a sea of conflicting emotions.

Sleep remained elusive, your mind restless, grappling with the repercussions of your actions. The guilt lingered as a constant reminder of the complexities that now defined the fragile dynamics between you and Rafe.

As the night ebbed away, the soft hues of dawn painted the sky, signaling the arrival of a new day. You descended the stairs, a faint unease lingering from the events of the previous evening, unsure of what the morning would bring.

At the foot of the staircase, you were met with Rafe, his presence an unexpected yet anticipated encounter. There was an awkward tension in the air, a silent acknowledgment of the unresolved emotions that hung between you both.

"Morning," Rafe greeted, his voice carrying a hint of uncertainty, the weight of the unspoken words from the night before lingering in the air.

"Morning," you replied softly, the air heavy with an unspoken understanding, a palpable sense of discomfort threading through the atmosphere.

There was an unspoken agreement to navigate the morning with cautious steps, each movement tinged with the residue of the unresolved emotions that lingered between you. The air crackled with an unspoken tension, leaving both of you searching for a semblance of normalcy in the midst of the palpable awkwardness.

"I'm gonna head back to the chateau in a few, JJ said he wants to talk to me," you mentioned, trying to break the palpable tension hanging in the air.

Rafe's laughter was dry, a strained sound that echoed in the room, a stark contrast to the ease that once defined your interactions. "Seems like he's got a lot to talk about these days," he remarked, a hint of bitterness seeping into his words.

You sensed the unease in his tone, a reflection of the awkwardness that enveloped the space between you. The weight of the unresolved emotions lingered, casting a shadow over the interaction, leaving the air heavy with unspoken sentiments.

The apology hung in the air, a quiet admission laden with the weight of remorse. "Rafe... I'm sorry, okay?" you uttered softly, the words an attempt to ease the strain that enveloped the space between you.

"Sure," Rafe replied, his tone notably drier, a touch of guardedness in his response. The weight of the situation lingered in the air, his words carrying a subtle hint of distance as he navigated the delicate balance between acceptance and reservation.

The conversation seemed to falter, leaving an uncomfortable silence that underscored the unspoken tension. Despite the attempt at reconciliation, there was a palpable hesitance in his demeanor, a reluctance to fully embrace the offered apology, adding another layer of complexity to the already strained atmosphere.

"I didn't say it because I don't care about you, Rafe," you asserted, hoping to clarify the sincerity behind your actions.

Rafe's response was more confrontational, his confusion apparent in his tone. "Then why?" he questioned, a hint of frustration seeping into his words. "It's just... it feels like nothing's adding up."

There was an edge to his demeanor, a palpable frustration stemming from the unresolved tension between you. The attempt at explanation seemed to only complicate matters further, leaving both of you grappling with the tangled web of emotions that refused to find resolution.

"Because I don't want you to get hurt," you explained, your voice soft yet firm, hoping to convey the underlying concern that had guided your actions.

Rafe's demeanor softened slightly, a flicker of surprise mingled with a trace of understanding in his expression. "Hurt?" he echoed, a hint of confusion still present but tempered by the sincerity in your words.

"Yeah," you continued, trying to articulate the protective instinct that fueled your choices. "Things are... complicated, and I didn't want to add to that."

There was a subtle shift in the atmosphere, an attempt to bridge the gap with honesty and concern, hoping to offer a glimpse into the complexities that had led to your decisions. The air, though still charged with tension, held a trace of empathy as you navigated the fragile balance between candor and reservation.

"Do you think I care if things are a little complicated, Y/n? My whole life has been complicated," Rafe responded, his voice carrying a mixture of resignation and a hint of frustration, a glimpse into the complexities he had grown accustomed to.

His words held a weight, a testament to the tumultuous experiences that had shaped his life. Despite the tension, there was a raw honesty in his admission, revealing the layers of complexities that had become intrinsic to his existence.

"Yeah, but it's me, Rafe. I'm a Pogue from the Cut, do you really want that? Your family probably has this whole plan set out for you to end up with a Kook, anyways," you expressed, a tinge of vulnerability woven into your words. "This, I, am way too complicated for your lifestyle. That's more weight than you could bear."

Your words carried the weight of societal expectations and the stark contrast between your worlds. The lines drawn by society's standards seemed insurmountable, adding layers of complexity to an already intricate situation. You highlighted the disparity between your backgrounds, emphasizing the potential burden it might pose for Rafe, intertwining concern for his well-being with an understanding of the societal barriers dividing you.

"I don't care, Y/n. I don't care what they have to say because I care about you. Why can't you just accept that?" Rafe's voice carried a raw honesty, his words cutting through the barriers of societal expectations.

Your heart skipped a beat at his unwavering declaration. "Because it's not that simple, Rafe," you replied softly, your voice laced with a mix of emotions. "There's so much more at stake than just us. Just trust me on this. Please."

"Y/n, please just listen to me. It doesn't have to be this way. We can make it work, whatever I have to do, I'll do it," Rafe pleaded, his voice tinged with a sense of urgency and determination.

You met his earnest gaze, torn between the desire to believe in his words and the weight of the obstacles you both faced. "Rafe, it's not that simple," you murmured, the turmoil evident in your tone. "There are things beyond our control, things that won't just change because we want them to."

The ache in your chest mirrored the conflict in your mind, the yearning to embrace his offer battling against the harsh realities that seemed to impose barriers between you.

The scene unfolded before you, and you witnessed the subtle tremble in Rafe's lip, a poignant display of the emotions he struggled to contain. Sorrow etched into the depths of his eyes, a vulnerable expression that laid bare the depth of his feelings.

Your heart wrenched at the sight, a surge of empathy flooding through you as you recognized the pain reflected in his gaze. The weight of the situation bore heavily on him, and the turmoil within him was palpable, painting a picture of raw vulnerability and unspoken longing.

Despite the complexities that stood between you both, the silent plea in his eyes tugged at your own emotions, evoking a whirlwind of conflicting sentiments that left you grappling with the ache of shared sorrow and the unyielding barriers that seemed to divide you.

"I need you, Y/n," Rafe's voice was tinged with desperation, a raw plea that echoed in the room, laying bare the depth of his emotions.

"I've got to go, Rafe," you whispered, your voice laden with sorrow, each word a painful admission of the necessity to part ways despite the shared longing.

Walking out of Rafe's house, tears blurred your vision, emotions swirling within as you grappled with the weight of the encounter. As you stepped outside, your friend Kiara awaited in the car, a knowing look in her eyes that spoke volumes without a single word exchanged.

Kiara observed your tear-stained cheeks and pained expression, her eyes reflecting a mix of concern and understanding. Without needing to speak, she unlocked the car doors, a silent invitation for you to seek solace in the comfort of her presence.

With a heavy heart, you slid into the passenger seat beside Kiara, the warmth of her presence offering a sense of solace amidst the whirlwind of emotions. The unspoken understanding between friends enveloped the space, allowing for a moment of silent companionship amid the storm of feelings that surged within.

"I did what you guys asked me," you stated flatly, the weight of your actions hanging heavily in the air, your voice tinged with resignation.

Kiara glanced at you, her expression a mix of concern and apprehension, recognizing the strain in your voice. "Are you okay?" she inquired softly, her tone laced with a gentle concern, understanding the difficulty of the task you'd undertaken for the sake of your friends.

You remained silent for a moment, the weight of the recent events settling heavily on your shoulders. "I will be," you finally replied, the words carrying a hint of uncertainty, as if unsure of the aftermath of your actions and the impact they might have on the intricate balance of your relationships.

The journey to the chateau was enveloped in silence, a heavy curtain of unspoken thoughts that draped the car's interior. Each passing moment seemed to stretch in the weight of the quiet, the air thick with unexpressed emotions that lingered between you and Kiara.

You fought to hold back the tears, a silent war raging within, the ache in your chest a testament to the depth of the emotions that surged beneath the surface. The weight of recent events bore heavily on you, and the silent car ride provided a fleeting refuge where tears threatened to breach the dam of your composure.

Despite your efforts, a lone tear escaped, tracing a path down your cheek, a silent testament to the emotional storm that raged within. You discreetly wiped it away, hoping to shield your vulnerability, the weight of unspoken words and unshed tears weaving an intricate tapestry of inner turmoil.

The car rolled to a halt near the chateau's entrance, the engine's hum fading into the quiet ambiance of the estate. Kiara cast a glance your way, a wordless assurance conveyed through her eyes, a silent understanding that transcended the unspoken.

As you stepped out, the familiar sight of the chateau greeted you, its grandeur contrasting sharply with the weight of emotions carried within. The walk to the entrance felt longer than usual, each step echoing the turmoil within, the unspoken conversation hanging heavily between you and Kiara.

Approaching the door, the details of the chateau seemed to blur, your focus consumed by the emotional tempest raging within. With a deep breath, you turned the doorknob, the heavy wooden door creaking softly as it opened to welcome you inside.

Stepping into the foyer, the chateau enveloped you, the coolness of the air offering a stark contrast to the warmth of the emotional turmoil within.

As your friends turned to greet you, their expectant smiles faltered into a puzzled expression as they registered the turmoil etched on your face. Their eyes mirrored a blend of confusion and concern, a stark contrast to the jovial atmosphere that typically enveloped their gatherings.

A fleeting moment passed, each heartbeat echoing the unspoken as your friends exchanged glances, a silent communication that conveyed their awareness of the unspoken turmoil lingering beneath the surface. The chapter's end was marked by the unspoken tension, leaving an uncertain ambiance that hung between you, hinting at the complexities awaiting their reckoning.

taglist:  @ellesalazar, @champomiel, @vadinaleme, @kys4-20, @gills-lounge, @allsmilesreally7, @sublimepenguinpeach-blog, @sp00ky-spr1te, @bibliophilewednesday, @haroldpotterson, @i-love-rafe, @ellesalazar, @calmoistorm, @abundantxadorations, @fals3-g0d, @gillybear17, @oiiviagrande, @hockeybabe87, @augustlikesdeath, @wpdailyminimeta, @palmwinemami, @loxleys-blog, @ikisscline, @flyestvenustrapap, @ilovesteveharrngton, @ijustwanttoreadlols

[spacebarbarianweird]

Oooh! Chronic depression Tav sounds right up your alley! I'm also chronically depressed and I have a similar living condition (messy room, not the horrific torture) to Astarion. Maybe a Tav who can empathize with his messy tent and his depression?

Oh yes, this hits my alley! I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression a while ago plus it seems like I had a severe depression when I was 12-19 years old (but I wasn't taken to any specialists back then).

TW: Anxiety and depression come in different forms, my therapists always told me that I have a weird skill to look absolutely normal meanwhile tests show signs of severe depression. I've based this headcanon on my own experience.

TW 2: A suicide attempt, depression.

Astarion x Depressed!Tav

Masterlist

Headcanons

You feel off.

Something was utterly wrong with you for the last few years.

You barely eat, sleep too much

Decision-making is difficult as fuck, and you just do what you are told to.

The time is slipping through your fingers and you sometimes realize it's already winter when it was summer a day ago.

You feel like drowning in the dark void.

Maybe you should just end everything? Because life will never get better.

The tadpole suppresses your condition.

You suddenly feel good. You feel strong. You feel alive.

And the Emperor is particularly adamant that you embrace the tadpole potential.ccepting the tadpole potential.

"Remember how bad you felt before? It will get worse if you deny the tadpole. Once it's gone, your mind will drown in darkness again. But accept my offer, and you will never suffer again."

You recognize familiar patterns in Astarion's behavior.

His inability to make decisions.

The mess he made of his tent.

The way he sometimes sits and stares in the distance not moving at all.

That he doesn't really read, staring at the papers with mindless eyes.

Or quickly turning pages without understanding what is written there.

Or an extreme degree of anhedonia. He cannot taste wine or food, his senses are dulled, and nothing brings him joy except blood and sex (both of which have been unavailable to him for centuries).

You want to accept the tadpole. You don't want to go back to where you were. He doesn't want to either.

But when you take the astral tadpole, Astarion knocks it out of your hands and smashes it.

"You're in no condition to make decisions like that, dear," he says, grabbing your arm.

Neither is he.

You fear to have the tadpole removed.

When it is gone, it's worse than you expected.

You can't move. Can't think. The void is killing you.

You don't want to talk to anyone. You can't do anything. The only thing you are capable of is to crawl into the inn and lie there like in a coffin.

It will never get better.

Maybe, you should just off yourself?

And Astarion's absence only proves your thoughts. He isn't there, he's left. He doesn't need a burden like you.

The relapse is so bad you decide to find a way to end things.

You choose a lonely place and takes a dagger out.

You greet death like an old friend.

Only to wake up under a starry night sky.

With a familiar skeleton-like figure close to you.

Withers brought you back. But why? And how did he…

Before you manage to say anything coherent, you feel strong hands around your waist and a familiar scent.

Astarion cries holding you.

"I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have... I am so sorry..."

He was ashamed of himself. Of his own relapse.

But he could never thought you would kill yourself.

These six monthes were difficult for him.

Yes, he was free. He could do whatever he wanted.

But he was lonely. He had nightmares. Breakdowns.

He started looking for you only to realize you were dead.

Finding Withers was his only hope.

And you are back. Back to him.

Astarion takes you away from Baldur's Gate to the places you've never been before.

Basically making you run faster than your darkness.

Together you learn how to enjoy things.

You basically ask each other "What can we do rn to make ourselves feel better?"

A swim in the lake? A bath in the inn? A new piece of garment? Just staying together in the tent?

You hold each other from slipping into the void.

Eventually, you are advised to start taking some medicine made by clerics.

You take it once a day and you feel better, almost the same way you felt with the tadpole.

You take the double shot because Astairon drinks your blood to get this medicine for himself.

You both don't feel yourself that miserable anymore. You both cry less.

You sleep better, Astarion doesn't have nightmares.

You are good. Both of you.

It doesn't mean the darkness won't come back - but you are both ready to meet it.

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96

[nikibogwater]

Everybody sit down and strap in, 'cause I have a doozy of a tale to share.

I've had anxiety for literally as long as I can remember. I've had periods of my life where it was so intense it became legitimately life-threatening (don't worry I promise this is going somewhere funny). And this was really bizarre because I have zero childhood trauma. Like, my family life is so idyllic it's almost comical. Therapists would do abuse screenings on me and look utterly baffled when I told them everything was fine at home. They'd interrogate my parents just to make sure I wasn't lying. I have one friend who I'm fairly sure believed I was just severely gaslighting myself when I said my family was great, school wasn't too stressful, and I've never lived in a dangerous neighborhood or experienced poverty.

Anyways, despite no one being able to figure out where my disorder was coming from, my doctors were able to help me manage the symptoms so that I would like, not die, and actually be able to finish high school. Which was awesome. Now fast forward to late 2021. My big sister (who has also had intense anxiety her whole life which no one could figure out why) is finishing up her doctorate and getting her physical therapist's license. Somehow, during all her studying and schooling, she finds out about this thing called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which explains literally everything that was going on with us. EDS is a connective tissue disorder that kinda fudges up your body in a whole bunch of little ways, including dysautonomia (episodes of very fast heart-rate that kick your body into fight-or-flight mode), and hypermobility (unusual flexibility). It's a spectrum disorder, so the severity of symptoms vary from person to person, but we definitely checked almost every box on the diagnostic list. My sister went to see a specialist, and yep, she was diagnosed EDS positive. She immediately calls my mom and goes "I know what's wrong with Niki" (thanks, sis, that's real encouraging lol). Initially we're like "okay Katie, that's nice" because honestly this kind of sounds like jumping at shadows, but I go in to see the specialist anyways just to make sure.

One consultation and diagnosis later, and suddenly my entire life makes perfect sense.

Now we get to the funny part. See, the diagnosis stuff happened in early 2022. So by the time late 2023 comes around and we're looking for a new dog (I promise this is relevant), we've been riding that chronic illness diagnosis for a while. Once again, my sister, ever the proactive one, decides she's going to help us get a new dog. She scours the adoption website, sends us photos of the cutest dogs available, and helps us make a decision. This is how we got Beverly, who has been an unstoppable force of chaos in our lives ever since we signed the papers (but she's also really cute so she can get away with it). Now on top of being a very excitable and anxious pupper, Beverly's got a weird little gimp in her hindquarters, which makes her sit all splayed-out and funny-looking, and while it doesn't seem to be causing her pain, we take her to a vet to get it checked out. Vet finds absolutely nothing. X-rays are taken and examined. Still nothing. At this point, they go "well, we could try a CT scan of her brain, which would run about $5,000, and maybe we could find something--" but my parents are already packing this dog into the car like "well that is a HARD nope." So we decide, look, Beverly seems happy and healthy, and those gimpy legs don't seem to bother her, so we'll just leave it be until it becomes clearer what's wrong with her because we do NOT have a cool $5,000 to throw around here.

Readers more astute than my family and I will likely have already figured out where this is going.

This morning, my mom is looking at Beverly sitting in her funny sprawled-out way, and something in her brain goes "wait...weird physical symptoms with no tracible cause that vets can see..." She does a bit of googling. Can dogs have EDS/Hypermobility? Yes. Yes they can. And the listed symptoms describe Beverly to a T.

So not only is my sister the one to finally figure out what's wrong with me, she also unknowingly got us a dog who has the exact same chronic condition as us. Meanwhile my poor dad, who is the only Normal Person in our house, is coming to terms with the fact that he is apparently just fated to always love chronically ill people and animals, and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it.

[deerlino]

lost and found.

bang chan x fem!reader / you and chan are about to get married, but the day before the wedding, he just disappears. there’s a note on your bed, and from that point on, everything goes downhill.

additional tags / angst, hurt-comfort, emotional turmoil, wedding jitters, cold feet, open ending, love confessions, pre-wedding drama, visuals (text messages, letter), apologies — 963 words in total.

content warnings / abandonment, lack of communication, commitment issues, panic and anxiety (subtle), facing fears (fear of the future ?), some strong language (cussing), chan’s kind of an asshole (😅)

further notes / writing angst is so much fun, seriously my fave genre ever. 😝 been all about the fluffy stuff lately, but i had to dive back into my roots and whip up some tasty pre-wedding angst. what do you think? i'm totally loving it, heheh. hope you enjoy the ride! <3

The day before your wedding, you can’t help but feel a buzz of excitement and nervousness. You've waited for this moment for so long, and now it's almost here. You and Chan have been inseparable since you met, and tomorrow was supposed to be the start of your forever. But when you wake up that morning, something feels off.

You stretch out your hand, expecting to find Chan beside you, but the bed is cold. Frowning, you sit up, scanning the room for any sign of him. That’s when you see it—a note on his pillow. Your heart sinks as you reach for it, hands trembling.

You stare at the words, not comprehending. Had to leave? What does that even mean? Panic starts to rise in your chest as you read the note over and over again, hoping it will magically change or offer some explanation. But it doesn’t.

You grab your phone and dial his number, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Chan, what the hell is going on? Where are you? Call me back, please,” you plead, trying to keep your voice steady.

Hours pass, and still no word from Chan. You call his friends, his family, anyone who might know where he is, but no one has seen him. Every minute feels like an eternity, and the worry is gnawing at your insides.

By afternoon, your concern turns to anger. How could he do this to you? The day before your wedding, no less. You pace the living room, clutching your phone, willing it to ring. When it finally does, you almost drop it in your haste to answer.

“Hello?”

“Y/N.” It’s Chan’s voice, but it sounds strained.

“Chan! Where are you? What’s going on?” The questions spill out before you can stop them.

“I... I’m sorry, Y/N. I just... I need some time to think.”

“Think? About what? We’re getting married tomorrow!”

There’s a long pause, and you can hear him take a deep breath. “I know. I just... I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. “Not ready? Are you fucking kidding me, Chan? We’ve been planning this for months! Why are you doing this now?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he says quietly.

“Well, guess what? You did hurt me. A lot. And you could’ve talked to me instead of just disappearing.”

“I’m so sorry,” he repeats, but it feels hollow. “I just... I need to figure some things out.”

You hang up, tears streaming down your face. Why would he do this to you? You feel a mix of hurt and rage, your emotions swinging wildly. Part of you wants to find him and demand answers, while another part of you just wants to curl up and cry.

The rest of the day is a blur. You cancel the rehearsal dinner, making up excuses for why Chan isn’t there. Your friends and family try to comfort you, but nothing they say can ease the pain.

That night, you lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying every moment you’ve shared with Chan. You wonder where it all went wrong. Was it something you did? Something you said? The uncertainty is maddening.

The next morning, you wake up to a flurry of text messages. One stands out—it’s from Chan.

You hesitate, fingers hovering over the screen. Part of you wants to ignore him, to make him feel the pain you’re feeling. But the other part of you needs answers.

You arrive at the little park where you and Chan have shared so many memories. He’s sitting on the bench, looking more miserable than you’ve ever seen him. When he sees you, he stands up, but you hold up a hand to stop him.

“Just... explain,” you say, keeping your distance.

He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been freaking out, Y/N. The thought of forever, it just... it scared me. I started doubting everything, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“So you ran away instead? That’s real mature, Chan.”

“I know, I know. It was stupid. But I love you, and the idea of losing you terrified me even more.”

You can see the sincerity in his eyes, but the hurt is still too fresh. “You could’ve talked to me. We could’ve worked through it together.”

He nods, looking down. “I’m sorry. I should’ve. I was just so scared of disappointing you, of not being enough.”

You step closer, your anger softening a little. “Chan, we’re supposed to be a team. If you’re scared or unsure, you need to tell me. We face things together, remember?”

He looks up, tears in his eyes. “I remember. And I’m so sorry I forgot that. I promise, I’ll never run away again.”

You take a deep breath, the weight of the past day starting to lift. “This isn’t going to be easy, you know. We’ve got a lot to talk about, and it’s going to take time to rebuild that trust.”

“I know. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” he says, stepping closer.

You nod, feeling a small glimmer of hope. “Okay. Let’s start with talking.”

You spend the next few hours sitting on that bench, talking about everything. The doubts, the fears, the future. It’s raw and emotional, but it’s also healing. By the end of it, you both feel a bit lighter.

When you finally stand up, Chan reaches for your hand. “So, about that wedding...”

You give him a small smile. “Let’s take it one day at a time. We’ll get there when we’re both ready.”

And for the first time since you found that note, you believe it.

© deerlino (est. 110624) ༯ heyo, did you enjoy this piece? if you did, maybe you could reblog, drop a comment, or shoot me an ask to let me know your thoughts. also, feel free to check out my other stuff! thanks a bunch for the support! <3

[mizuseyebrows]

even if you become a true oni or onryō —mizu x reader

warnings: not proofread. fluff. she/her pronouns for mizu. slight angst. insecurities.

includes: sweet and compasionate reader. 'weak' and vulnerable mizu. word count: 3.6k

summary: mizu has an anxiety attack after a mishap, but you're there for her

a/n: this is a sequel to this

You didn't understand what’s wrong. Only for a few minutes the two of you were separated and when you returned to Mizu's side, a whole gloomy and cold aura covered her. You could also see in her eyes that she was trying to hide something from herself. Anything happened? Did she have to face a battle? You didn't believe it, there were no traces of blood or sweat on her. What could be going on?

Now you found yourself with your head lying on her lap, staring at her face. You were trying to figure out what was underneath Mizu's stoic mask at that moment.

"I know what you see. Cut it." It sounded almost like an order as she growled, her gaze remaining staring straight ahead, as if she were studying the forest.

"And what do I see?" You asked in a soft voice, almost speaking softly.

"A half blood, half breed. Like a demon." She rolled her eyes as she spoke, making a disgusted expression with her mouth. "Not even a human, something worse."

"Is there anything worse than being a human?" You looked at her with surprise and curiosity.

"There is, being me." She spoke, but you could tell there was a hint of bitterness in her tone of voice. Then, she made a self-deprecating gesture. "Being something less than human, something no one can understand, something no one wants."

"Why are you saying something so ugly, Mizu? Do you really believe everything you're saying?” You knitted your eyebrows together to express concern.

"Why wouldn't I?" She scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "They all called me a demon. Do you have any idea how it felt growing up? The way I was treated? People thought I was a freak, an abomination. Even my own mother... I could never live up to their standards, because I wasn't full blooded human.” Her voice is sharp and bitter, the usual edge that makes up her personality has sharpened into more than just annoyance. "They tried to kill me for being a girl. I have to pretend to be hideous man. And on top of all that, I am half blood. People have every reason to hate me, and I'll be a fool for not hating myself as well."

» "You want to know what the worst part is?" She spat, her hands curling into fists slowly as the words were practically dragged out of her. "People like you. People who seem to be so good, yet they still can't see behind my veil. You could easily hate me, despise me. I don't deserve to be happy."

» "I don't know why you're so nice to me... You're making me feel more human than I deserve to feel. It gives me a slight glimmer of hope that maybe I'm not a monster, but deep down, I know it's all a lie. I know that people will never accept me for who I am." She looked away; her fists clenched so tightly that they'd gone pale. "I don't deserve anything nice, and I don't deserve you. It's only a matter of time before you realize what a terrible, horrible, awful person I am."

» "I'm afraid one day, you'll come to dislike me. You'll call me a freak just like everyone else has my entire life..." her voice trailed off, and she let out a deep breath. "When that day comes... When you finally look at me as the monster I am... I won't blame you. It's what I deserve... but it would still hurt. So much." Despite her words, there wasn't a sign of emotion on her face, not even the slightest hint of sadness. "Just like a monster would, I'll get over it."

» "But I don't want to." She muttered, her breath catching in her throat. The coldness in her tone had melted, the usually stony expression replaced by a sad look. "I don't want to be treated like a monster. I don't want to be hated. The tears hadn't started rolling down her cheeks yet, but she was on the verge of crying. "No matter how much I hate myself, I don't want that. Even if I'm a monster, all I've ever wanted was to be loved..."

» "And I hate myself for that." She was trembling just a little bit, and tears were threatening to fall, but hadn't yet. "Every single day, I hate myself for still wanting to be loved and cared for, for even having any sort of desire. Because that's not how—I've got to be strong; I have to be... I have to be tough; I can't have a moment of weakness..."

Listening to Mizu's verbal display had you in mental limbo. You heard every word, every growl, every broken voice. You saw every frown, every snap of teeth, every grimace. But you couldn't process all that information. Your heart broke as she continued to express and degrade herself like that. You couldn't believe everything you heard.

You didn't even notice that you were crying, your face was completely soaked. It wasn't until Mizu stopped talking that she seemed to come back to reality. What could you say to all that? Where to start?

You shook your head, to fully alert yourself and to deny what she was saying about herself. "M-Mizu, there's nothing wrong with having a m-moment of weakness."

"There is when you're a monster..." she whispered. "Monsters don't feel pain... Monsters don't get weak... they can't. A-And besides, I'm not weak." She said, her voice coming out stronger than it had in quite a while. "I'm strong, much stronger than you could ever imagine."

You nodded several times, wanting to reassure what she was saying but you were interrupted by Mizu.

"I'm not weak." She repeated softly, the words echoing in the still atmosphere of the room. "I'm not weak, I'm not." She breathed in again, the strength and confidence she usually had was returning. "You think I'm some sad, pathetic creature that needs to be pities and cared for? Well, you're wrong."

"Mizu!" You got up from her lap and stood in front of her to grab her face and stop her. "Please stop destroying yourself like that. Just because you're half white doesn't mean you're any less human. You're not pathetic for having weaknesses and expecting affection. Please stop talking like that, you're hurting me."

She didn't respond, just froze when your touch was placed on her cheek. Her hands started trembling, and her breath seemed to get shakier with every passing comment you made. Still, she just stood there, barely managing to keep her expression relatively neutral as tears welled in her eyes.

She didn't say anything, there was no use in arguing with you. In her head, she called herself all those terrible things, but hearing you say she was wrong... It broke the last remaining sense of confidence and determination she had to keep herself upright, and she started sobbing.

"I'm so tired." Her quiet, shaky voice sounded on the verge of breaking as she choked back some more sobs. Her eyes were red as tears escaped and trickled down her face.

The cold, stony girl who always seemed confident and in control was now standing there, broken and defenseless. Her defenses cracked and fell, shattering to pieces as the emotional wall that she hid behind gave way to the flood of sadness that rushed in.

"I can't do this... I can't." She whispered, her voice starting to crack with the volume of her crying. "All I've ever wanted was to be loved... But no one would ever love me... If they...” She sniffled, trying her hardest not to cry again. "I'm tired of... being seen as some kind of freak... being thought of as a monster. I know no one would love me... I know that all too well."

When she looked up at you, the cold, sharp glint was gone. Replaced with a sad, pleading look that spoke of only one thing. "Just once... I want to be loved. Once... is that too much to ask for...?"

"I can love you, if you allow me. I want to be there for you in every moment. I want to hug you when you feel overwhelmed, I want to kiss your eyes, your lips, your tears... I know that you have been hurt all your life but, please let me show you that you deserve everything you want and expect."

She was so utterly stunned that she couldn't say a single thing... her mouth slightly agape, her eyes wide with disbelief as she processed your words. When she realized that you had been genuine... she broke down again.

The tears fell, and this time, she didn't do anything to stop them. She wrapped her arms around you, burying her head into your chest. "Please..." she asked quietly. "Love me... please show that you still love me even though I'm a monster..."

"You are not a monster, Mizu. You are not a demon or a freak or an abomination. You are an amazing person; you are an incredible woman. Let me help you change your perception of yourself." You stroked her hair lovingly and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"B-But...” she mumbled, clinging to your torso. "Everything about me screams inhuman. Everything..."

She hung onto you tightly, almost as if she was afraid that if she let go, the harsh reality set in once more, and she would be sent back to the terrible realization that she was, indeed, a monster.

"What if I'm too much for you to handle?" She asked, the same small, fearful voice she used earlier coming back. "What if my problems are too big for you to deal with? You'll grow tired of me..."

"That won't happen, I already know your stubborn, obstinate, and headstrong persona." You laughed softly and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be able to handle this, I won't leave you alone at any time."

» "I'll help the pain go away." You cupped her face and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "You know that I heal your physical wounds, right? That I always clean them, sew them and take care of them so that they don't get infected. Well, now I will help you heal the internal wounds, those that no one sees but that are the ones that hurt the most. But I will need you to let me do it, I won't be able to do it alone, we both have to work together, okay?"

"S-So you're going to help cure my internal wounds too?" She asked softly as tears threatened to come again. "And you swear you won't ever leave me... and you won't ever leave me and hate me... like everybody else?"

"How could I hate you if you have such a pretty face... What you hate the most about yourself is what I love the most. Your eyes are beautiful, Mizu." You leaned down to kiss her lips again, lovingly and a little slowly.

She was so taken off guard by the sudden action that she didn't react for a moment. But, by the second kiss, she was returning the gesture, her soft lips pressed against yours for a few seconds before she pulled slightly away to speak.

"You love my eyes?" She asked softly, with a hint of surprise in her voice. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? It makes you unique, it adds exoticism to your face. Plus, it's the color of the sea and I love the sea." You gave her another short kiss and smiled at her. "And, I could swear your eyes shine. There's something about them that just makes them glow."

"People think that my eyes are demonic... a sign of my mixed heritage..." She murmured, a frown forming on her lips as she mentioned that word.

"No, don't think that your eyes are demonic. They are beautiful, they look like crystalline snowflakes." You kissed her lovingly again, taking a little longer and caressing her cheeks.

You could have stayed like that all day, letting your kiss never end... The feeling of her lips was like a drug, one you could get addicted to so easily...

Finally, after a few seconds, she pulled her face away from yours. She murmured your name softly, a blush slowly spreading across her face.

"Tell me..." You whispered against her lips and rubbed your nose with hers.

"Can we... do it again?" She asked softly. "That kiss..." Her eyes glanced to the side; her cheeks tinted with embarrassment as she struggled to find the right words. "Could we... please... do it again?"

"Of course we can." You nodded gently and gave her another slow, loving kiss, wanting you both to savor the moment.

She sighed softly and took in the feeling, the sensation of your lips pressed against hers. She could feel everything, the tenderness and love that was hidden behind the kiss, she could feel it all. This was everything she had always wanted but never had... Everything she had been denied by the world and fate... Every affection she felt like she so desperately needed. This was what she wanted. All she had ever wanted. To be loved.

After a few moments, you broke the kiss and looked into her eyes with a smile. You caressed her cheeks in circles and sighed softly. "You'll let me love you, right?"

She nodded, her cheeks flushing again. "Yes, I... I would love that, actually..." She murmured. She could practically feel her heart beating out of her chest, but as she looked into your loving eyes, she felt a little bit better. "Why... do you love me...? Why do you want me...? Do you not think I'm too dangerous? Too violent? Too much of a monster?" She muttered softly, her voice coming out hushed.

"Shh... None of that. You are very dangerous and violent but...I have to admit that that attracts me. You have a lot of passion inside you, but you are directing it towards your revenge and that is what makes you dangerous. Although, your passion is what attracts me the most."

She was stunned. Hearing those words, how her worst traits were what attracted you to her... made her feel odd. To know that her rage and hatred were somehow endearing and appealing to someone... it felt like she had been seeing a distorted reflection of herself all this time and finally saw the true her.

"Those... These are not good traits..." she murmured, then let out another small laugh. "I-Is that really what attracts you to me?"

"It makes you... an adventure, there is a lot of adrenaline. I know they are not good traits but that's who you are and I must accept you, although I will help you guide your passion to better goals. I promise."

"Thank you... I have to admit, I never thought anyone would ever find those traits of mine appealing." She murmured, a soft smile forming on her lips as her eyes started getting teary again. It was almost funny; how much she had hated herself for these very traits you were now praising and considering attractive.

"Maybe I'm the freak one." You laughed happily and stole another kiss from her. "Maybe I'm a little insane, but I love seeing you being dangerous—"

She leaned into the kiss almost immediately, eager to stop you from saying too much more. She knew exactly what you had meant, but there were just some things that she wasn't ready to acknowledge yet. She had thought that she would never find someone who would love her despite all her flaws, and here you were, finding even her most deplorable traits appealing.

"You love... that about me... don't you?" She murmured, just for a quick confirmation before she threw herself back into the kiss.

"I love almost everything about you." You responded to her between kisses, each time doing it with more intensity.

"H-Almost?" She asked meekly, but once again, her question was interrupted by a kiss. She was practically swimming in the sea of bliss that those tender lips were giving her, not even thinking or considering what she said as her mind got flooded with love and passion.

"There are still things I need to know about you, so I can't say I love everything about you." You whispered against her lips, tightening your grip on her face.

"Oh..." She muttered, her lips parting slightly as she took in a breath. "Will you still love me when you know every last little thing about me?" She murmured softly, her expression tinged with worry and a hint of hesitation.

"I will still love you even if you become a true oni or onryō." You sighed softly and looked into her eyes. "I'll be the mortal of those legends who tries to change the demon or the mortal that fell in love with the demon despite its nature."

The words you had just spoken made her feel warm inside. She had never expected such reassurance, such assurance from anyone. She was speechless, not knowing how to reply to your words otherwise. In the end, she let herself go back into another long, passionate kiss instead.

And you kissed her back with the same passion and clinged a little to her, caressing her scalp lovingly. But then you felt Mizu hug your neck longingly, which made you have to lower your hands to her lower back to bring her closer to you.

However, Mizu broke away from the kiss suddenly and looked away. You could see her doubt in her eyes, the uncertainty she felt at your words. You lovingly caressed her back and gave her a kiss on the cheek to get her attention.

"We'll take this slow, okay? I know that right now everything I told you won't erase what has tormented you your whole life, but we'll go slow, okay? At your own pace, if you feel like it's too much at some point, you can say so. If you want to do something different, we can do it. Is that okay?"

"I-It's okay..." she mumbled softly, her mind still trying to process everything you had said. "I just... I just don't know where to start..." She murmured, as tears started running down her cheeks again.

"Me neither, but let's let this flow, okay? Let's not rush anything, we'll just let everything go at the pace it should go." You caressed her cheeks and wiped away her tears.

"Thank you..." she whispered softly, her breathing starting to slow down again. She had never taken things slowly before, she had always been impulsive, always rushed to the next part without taking a moment to stop and think. "But... it's kind of hard to take it slow when you kiss me and do things like that so passionately..." She mumbled, her face getting red again.

"That's my mistake. If you want, I can stop doing it to go slower." You laughed softly, blushing too.

"Can we... keep on doing it... but just a little slower... a little less... intense..." She murmured softly, her eyelids slowly closing as she tried to think of the right words.

"We can do that. I like to kiss you slow and loving." You nodded several times, still smiling.

"Can we... um..." she muttered, not knowing how to ask for what she wanted. "Can we just... sit in silence for a while... while you hold me close and... just stroke my hair and stuff...?" She murmured, her face getting even more red when she realized just how needy and clingy she sounded.

You felt something inside you explode and stir at how cute Mizu had sounded. You couldn't help but bite your lower lip in excitement and nodded several times. "Of course, of course, of course." You sat behind her and made her lean against your chest to stroke her hair the way she wanted.

She gasped softly as she felt your arms wrap around her and pull her back against your chest. For a few moments, all she could do was enjoy the feeling of your gentle touch and the calm, steady rhythm of your heartbeat. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, relaxing as she felt your fingers move through her hair, as if she was some small, helpless animal being comforted by their parent.

The feeling was incredible and she savored every moment of it, letting out a soft, contented sigh as you kept stroking her hair.

"Thank you..." she murmured, her body leaning even further into you as she breathed a little slower. She felt so safe in your arms, so warm.

"You have nothing to thank." You whispered to her and kissed her temple, tightening your arms around her.

The kiss on her temple caught her by surprise and she gave a soft gasp, her eyes widening slightly, but she didn't care and simply leaned back against you even more. The sensation of your arms around her was indescribably comforting, something she didn't think she would ever experience but now all she wanted was to stay like that forever, to stay sheltered and protected and loved.

She let out a soft whimper, your kiss once again sending a shiver down her spine as she felt your tight embrace. She pressed herself even further against you, almost as if she wanted to bury herself in your arms, to melt into your embrace and become part of you. She didn't want to let go of your embrace, not yet, not any time soon, not until she had completely accepted the warmth and the affection that you were now showing her.

[aniesvision]

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆.

𐂃 𝙱𝙵! 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝙶𝙵! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄, 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒖𝒑, 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒏𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 ☹︎

𝚊/𝚗: 𝒉𝒊! 𝒔𝒐, 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒊'𝒎 𝒔𝒂𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒄, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕, 𝒊'𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚. 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓: 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎

𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒐𝒖𝒕.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

When your boyfriend Matt texted you saying he needed a few days alone to think and try to organize his life, it made you feel useless. You said you wanted to be there for him, to help him out, to support him, but all he wanted was to get away from you.

Matt's a stubborn kid, since you met him you got to know all his little flaws, and still, you loved him deeply, and by the way you two quickly got along it was obvious you'd end up together. Said and done, you started dating a few months prior, and until now things were great. It looked like he changed out of nowhere, his texts were dry, he didn't pick up your calls, and he just simply disappeared after saying he needed some space.

You tried and tried to think of anything that justified his actions, but you couldn't, because honestly, you hadn't done anything wrong, he was just handling too much and wanted to do something about it, alone.

You tried to be comprehensive, everyone needs some time alone and maybe he was just overwhelmed. You waited and waited, and then your patience was gone.

One week, seven entire days Matt decided not to talk to you. Not to give you any sign of life, any satisfaction, anything, nothing. It was like he didn't even exist and you couldn't go through another day without knowing what was going on, you could barely live with the pain in your heart, your mind was wondering if he still wanted you and that was killing you.

You drove to Matt's house, ringing the doorbell and waiting for someone to open the door. Your heart was pounding against your chest, it was physically hurting you by now. The anxiety, the uncertainty, the fear.

Chris was the one who opened the door and he quickly hugged you. You two talked a bit, and he was so surprised to know Matt was giving you some sort of silence treatment. It was nothing like him, and that was the worst part of it, knowing you were seeing a different side of him.

You knock on Matt's door and it takes him a few seconds to finally open it, his tired eyes meeting yours.

-What are you doing here? -He asks, the coldness in his tone makes your heart break a bit more.

Something inside you knew what was going on, and knew how things were going to end.

-You haven't talked to me all week. -You say, in a low voice, disappointed.

He huffs and rolls his eyes, walking to his desk without giving you any hugs, without looking at you with the excitement he used to feel whenever your eyes met.

-I'm just stressed, I wanted some time alone, I told you that.

He sits on his desk chair and you think twice before walking to take a seat on the edge of his bed.

-I know, but I miss you, Matt. I want to be here for you, I want to help you through everything. I love you, you know that.

You say, trying to hang on to the hope you have left.

-Yeah, but I don't need love, I need solutions, and you can't give me that.

His words are almost sarcastic, it was the sign you were looking for. Your eyes immediately filled with tears, your lips parted in shock at how unreal it was for you to be hearing something like this from the sweetest guy you've ever met.

-Oh... okay. -You whisper, too hurt to say anything else.

You look down, wiping some tears, his eyes not even bothering to look at you. He kept his attention on the screen in front of him.

It felt like you just got shot in the heart. You could feel it breaking piece by piece, leaving nothing but a void of darkness and sadness. One more reason for you to spend sleepless nights crying over someone who doesn't even care.

When he hears you sniffing, he turns his head to study you, and with all the stress all he can do is get angrier.

-Can't you see I'm trying to work here? If you don't have anything else to say, just leave already, geez.

You lift your head to look at him, nodding your head slowly and standing from the bed, quickly tying your hair in a messy bun.

-So I guess that's goodbye then, isn't it? -You ask, just to be sure, voice shaky and barely above a whisper.

-Yeah, yeah, whatever, close the door on your way out.

The indifference makes you feel completely shattered, but you do what he said, and walk away, closing the door behind you. It's safe to say you never came back, but the most painful part was that he didn't bother texting you, his brothers had to apologize and offer to be there for you. But not him.

I still don't know what happened, or what changed, I'll probably never know, but that day when I walked out of his room, it was the last time I saw him.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎

@riowritesitall @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @anabanana28 @flower-sturns @sturncakez @sssoniaswiftt @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @sturnsxbitvh @nessii-sturniolo @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @slxtformatt @lovingregulusblack @starnoirr @katie-tibo @mattsfavbigtitties @sturnioloblues

[artistic-intrxvert]

Hello! Now I'm curious because I'm clingy-

How do you think Tsukasa and Hanako would be with a S/O who's really clingy? Like, constantly holding their hand, only pausing to do something then right back to holding their hand. Overall just really physically affectionate

If you would like to add a little ✨spice✨, what would they do if their S/O is really clingy and loving but represses it because they're terrified of hurting the bois? Like genuinely wants to just latch onto them in the hall while walking to their next class but they don't because ✨anxiety✨

Hello again👀 I am super excited about this one because I am like this haha- I hope i got everything right! Let me know if I didn't. Enjoy! :D

Warnings: none!

Proofread: yep!

Prompt: Hanako and Tsukasa who has a S/O who's really clingy

Hanako

Oh boy

Can and will tease the living crap out of you and I hope you don't mind that because if so, start getting used to it!

He loves that you constantly try to hold his hand or always wanting hugs or other physical affection

He finds it adorable!!

If you want the affection, he will provide! But with teasing, of course

If you are holding his hand for a while and let go to go grab something, he will understand but might pout a little bit

Once you come back and hold his hand again, he will tease you saying something like "I knew you would come back. You are just so clingy, aren't you (Name)?"

If you are ever shy because you think that you will hurt or annoy him, he will cup your face and tell you that you can never annoy him and give a peck on the forehead

Walking to class and you want a hug but to shy to ask for it? Boom, he's clinging onto you the whole time

Want cuddles while your in class? He's got you covered

What Hanako will never admit is that one time he teared up over the fact that you cared so much about him that you wanted to constantly hold him

You walked in and asked him what's wrong and gave him an affirming hug

He broke down more

Overall, he's going to tease the living daylights out of you but thinks it is the sweetest thing! And if you ever have to think twice about doing it, he can and will constantly remind you with kisses <3

Tsukasa

Tsukasa will also tease you! Maybe not as much as Hanako but he will still give you a little tease

Most often times he will give you hugs and whenever you return them he just

Pikachu face

Will hug you tighter and if you hug him tighter back, will start leaving kisses all over your face

He's so excited that he has someone that's as clingy as he is!

If you ever let go of his hand to go grab something he will feel sad and upset. He will most likely pout

But when you come back and start holding his hand again he will forget that he was pouting and just latch himself back onto you

If you are ever shy about giving affection because he might be annoyed or get upset with you, he will stare you down with those dark eyes he has and says very firmly, "You can never annoy me, (Name). You know that, right?"

Sakura is just

Exhausted at this point

Somebody start paying her- she deserves it-

If you are walking to class and want affection but are too scared to ask

Don't even show signs of it, he's constantly clinging to you so I don't think you'd have this problem!

All in all Tsukasa is just as if not more clingy and will occasionally tease you but most likely not. If you ever doubt whether you should give him affection or not, dark eyes will assure you <3

[drdemonprince]

Can we really expand our window of tolerance as autistic people? I’ve been working on that kind of thing for so long and I can’t tell if I’ve made any genuine progress or if I’ve just unconsciously doubled down on masking :(

We can! But our expanded distress tolerance can't come out of nowhere. Something has to give. So for example, for me, I have way fewer sensory issues these days than I used to have, by a wide margin, and I have significantly less social anxiety and don't need much social recharge time on the level that I used to. I have more distress tolerance for sensory input and for social stressors now than I ever have before -- but this has required lifestyle changes and unmasking in order to get there. Let me break down both these improvements and how they happened:

Even as recently as a year ago, I would have terrible sensory meltdowns on a regular basis. But I haven't had a single sensory meltdown in months, maybe not even a single one for the entirety of 2023 so far? And that's because I have a) cut out caffeine, dramatically reducing my physiological stress levels, b) cut back on some workplace stress by reducing my commitments, c) stopped taking on additional projects outside of work that I didn't want to do and that only caused me stress (workshops and talks), and d) began working from home far more consistently, and made myself a wfh office that is more comfortable.

Now I operate from a really solid base of sensory comfort most days and I'm not overloaded with information or overwhelmed with obligations. This means I am far more tolerant of screaming people on the bus, the upstairs toddler slamming her feet on the floor, ambulances blaring by, noisy concerts, people bumping into me at the bar, etc.

I also am, for the first time in my life, clear-headed enough to recognize when I am starting to experience sensory distress, and can intentionally put on sunglasses or pop in ear plugs or remove myself from an upsetting situation more quickly. I had to experience what being relaxed and not overstimulated felt like, and get accustomed to living that way, in order to recognize subtler signs that I was feeling shitty and take steps to address those small annoyances before they exploded. I can handle a lot "more" in an intentional way now because I built my life to allow "less." My overall distress tolerance has still expanded -- but it's because I stopped masking and began attending to my sensory and stress regulation needs.

For the social piece, my distress tolerance has also gone up due to unmasking. If I was still motivated by passing as NT or being socially acceptable all the time, I'd be so overwhelmed being around people and worn down by every interaction. I also wouldnt be able to advocate for myself. But in the past few years I've become more and more openly weird and outspoken in my needs and true feelings, and I've recognized that the right people actually love me more when I do so and show up for me, and so being honest or even difficult to deal with is not really a threat.

This means I just don't experience much distress being honest or difficult to deal with anymore. I really can tolerate the discomfort of telling someone they're wrong or that I'm hurt without freaking out about being hurt or abandoned, because I've had a lot of good experiences with it and because I enjoy being unmasked so deeply that I just can't put my personality back in a bottle.

Masking lowers distress tolerance because it frays your nerves with stress and wears you out and bars you from ever getting to attend to and regulate your discomfort when there are signs of it happening. In order to increase your distress tolerance, you actually have to learn to better honor your discomfort early, and preventatively, so that you don't bubble over into a meltdown after days or weeks of ignoring your needs.

I think some people think distress tolerance is about becoming more tough, but it's quite the opposite. We become more resilient by getting better at recognizing and attending to our hurts.

[belladonnadawn]

Point Of No Return

After finding out about your infidelity, Xanthus hatched a plan to make sure that you will not do such thing again. Xanthus x Reader Content Warning: Mentions of torture and violence. (I don't know if I should put yandere since he's just like that apparently.)

Xanthus is inconsolable. After the revelation of your affair came to him, he was left bewildered. You tricked him, you deceived him, you took him for a fool. He knew that the signs were there, but he disregarded it, thinking that his trust in you is bigger than those doubts– a regret that he'll always hate himself for.

A part of him is in disbelief that you managed to cheat on him. He wondered how long this has been going on. Days? Weeks? Months? Either way, the fact that you managed to conceal it was impressive– especially when both of you are tethered by the bond.

He watched as you kissed him goodbye. The kiss lasted too long for his liking. Betrayal swelled in his heart. Xanthus observed you, wanting to know if you feel what he's feeling. Then, you paused. His eyes widened slightly, maybe you will come around. But instead you gave him another kiss before parting.

His fist was clenched tight as he witnessed it. It felt like an insult– a blatant display of mockery. The urge to confront you and let all his burdens out was strong, but he resisted. He's better than that. A cheap confrontation does not cut it. He knew he needed to do more. Something that will assure him that you won't commit this sin anymore for as long as he lives.

Xanthus was known for his swiftness and precision in battlefield and in confrontation. After all, he was a warrior before he was a vampire. The skills that he had were honed by centuries of experience.

He witnessed war, famine, and destruction in his own eyes. But seeing you with that man opened a new kind of pain in his heart. Despite anger and betrayal dominating him, he knew that he can't hide the fact that witnessing your adultery broke something in him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice drifted him away from his thoughts. “You seem preoccupied,” Sitting beside him, you can almost feel the tension. You don't have to ask why, since you felt like you already know the answer.

Xanthus gave you a weak smile, “Nothing, I've just been exhausted.” He held his card close, not wanting to let you in. Today is not the day where he should reveal his cards. He has a lesson prepared for you and he'll make sure it is something that you won't forget.

You were beyond anxious when Sam stopped answering your calls. He wasn't in his apartment, his office, or a friend's. Searching far and wide, there are no traces of him. You tried to calm yourself down to minimize Xanthus’ suspicion, but it was ineffective.

“What's wrong? Your heart seems to beat out of your chest.” Xanthus pulled you close, “Did something bad happen? I can feel how restless and nervous you are.”

Closing your eyes, you relished in his comfort despite the situation. “I was just thinking about my loved ones in my hometown,” You stated giving a small hint of truth.

He nodded understandingly, “Ah, yes. The fear of the unknown. Do you want to talk to them? I can accompany you.” A sweet smile plastered on his face. Instead of feeling comforted, your anxiety spiked higher.

You shook your head, “Thank you, Xanthus. But I'm fine.” A small smile flashed in your lips as he kissed your forehead.

He is comforting, like a warm blanket on a rainy day. A hint of guilt crept in; you tried to bury it, but before you could a subtle hint of satisfaction filled you. It was strange, but welcome.

“I can appease your mind,” He caressed your cheeks.

“Really?”

“Yes, you should know by now that I'll do anything for you.” He presented his hand out, “Let me guide you, my love.” Warmth spread on your cheeks as you gently took it.

You watched as he gently guided you deeper in his mansion. As you went deeper, you felt his eagerness and excitement. Curiosity filled you as you both halted in front of a door.

Your heart dropped as Xanthus opened the door. No one could've prepared you for what lies ahead.

You felt suffocated as your eyes landed on him. His arms chained to the wall, feet barely standing up, and his face almost unrecognizable. If it wasn't for the subtle rise on his chest, you'd believe that he's dead.

You finally found Sam.

Xanthus stood beside you, “You don't have to search for him. Did I appease you?” He tilted his head, almost wearing a grin.

It felt as if the ground was going to swallow you whole. A mix of shame, shock, and fear coursed through your body. Your secret spilled with a big mess, everything that you did to cover it up broke down.

“Xanthus…” You turned to him, face filled with horror. “I wasn't– it wasn't supposed to end like this.” Your voice falters as he gazed at you with an unreadable expression. But you don't have to know what he feels, you can feel it yourself. The burning and ever consuming rage consumed you too.

“How is this supposed to end?”

“I…” Words die before they can formulate. You weren't prepared for a confrontation, let alone when your affair partner is chained up with your lover's wall. All you know in this situation is lying will dig your grave deeper.

“It was just supposed to be a one time thing–”

“But?” He tilted his head, held back tension evident in his face. “Was he that good?”

His question made you flinch. You bit the inside of your cheek, “He's… enough.”

You spoke the truth. The more you think about it, the more unclear why you got caught up in this affair. Maybe it's the thrill? Maybe it was the normalcy that he brought? After all, being with a vampire is different from being with a human.

“For how long?”

“Four days.”

Xanthus nodded, satisfied at your answer. “I have had him for two days now. Maybe I can let him escape after two more days.” He hummed. “If he can make it out after tomorrow.”

You grimaced at the thought, immensely apologetic on Sam's situation. Sending a man to a grave for lustful nights is something that you never expected to happen.

“Do you want to know what I did?”

Before you could answer, he interjected.

“I took his nails off one by one, bust his kneecaps, broke his fingers, removed some of his teeth–”

“Stop. Please, stop.”

He spoke with such nonchalance, as if recalling his grocery list. It was sick. You feel sick.

Xanthus walked towards you, tilting your head so you can look him in the eyes. “I held back for you. Don't you know that? Even in my rage, I thought about what you would feel. I am considerate towards you. Did you even gave me the same grace?”

You tried to back away, but he only pulled you close. His presence is domineering– overwhelming. Xanthus is inescapable, and you're a fool to try and do so.

“You and I are bonded, until I die– until you die. I don't want any imbeciles trying to take my place. This is the last time that this will happen, understand?”

Leaving you no choice, you nodded. His words engraved in your mind noting the thinly veiled threat. The thought of spending your night with someone other than him now feels unimaginable.

You close your eyes, promising to fully give yourself to him. A devotion and a prayer to avoid such tragedy again. After all, he always has a history to back it up.

Divider: Cafekitsune

[reareaotaku]

Fear and Anxiety

Summary: Eddie is annoyed when you get sick/hurt. Characters: Yandere! Aged Up! Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader Tw: Injured/Sick Reader, Care-Taker Eddie, Controlling Eddie

"Richie- Slow down!"

It seemed he didn't hear you, because he pushed you down the hill in the worn out tire as you screamed for help. What neither of you expected was for you to run into a rock and for you to come flying out.

Richie gasps and quickly runs down the hill. "Shit. Shit. Shit! Eddie is going to kill me."

-----

"God, I don't feel so good," You cover your mouth, feeling your head spin. You bent down, covering your mouth, holding down the vomit. You looked down at the pale water as it spun in the toilet.

"I don't know what wrong with you two."

You groaned, not looking up at the man standing over you, holding your hair. "Oh, we were just having fun-"

"And look where you are now." He interrupts you and you look back at him, with blurred vision.

"It's no big-" You then puked into the toilet, before finally standing up, though you quickly catch yourself on the vanity.

Eddie flushes the toilet, grabbing you, and leading you to your room. He sits you down softly, before sitting on the edge of the bed. "So, are you going to tell me what happened?" He sounded like a dad scolding you.

You groaned heavier, turning away from him, "You're just going to scold me."

"Of course, I am! You're sick from smoking and eating to much," He then grabs your hand to show a nasty bruise, "And who knows how you got it."

You chuckle, "You should see my leg." For some reason, you must have been high or something, because you lifted up your pants to show Eddie a huge purplish-yellow bruise that was the sign of your hand. You should have just kept your big mouth shut, because Eddie lost his mind.

"What the hell happened to your leg!" He grabbed your ankle and pulled you closer to him, "God, does it hurt-" He facepalms, "Of course it hurts. I'm getting an ice pack," He then looks towards your pillows, before grabbing two besides you and putting the under your lower thigh. "I'll be right back."

You close your eyes, moaning to yourself. It was a blur what was going on and you weren't really aware of what was happening. Though, you did feel something cold touch your bruised area causing you to wince. He apologized, but put it back on, hoping to bring down the swelling.

"I told Richie to be careful with you. He always does this. You always end up hurt. What did the two of you even do?" He grabs some bandages from his bag, then takes off the ice bag, before wrapping up the bruise. Eddie could feel his blood boil as he thought about it. Richie is spontaneous and reckless and you're impressionable, making it easier for you both to do stupid things.

"It's fine. God, you should of been there-"

"Yeah, I would have stopped the two of you."

You roll your eyes, while shaking your head. "Boo! You're no fun, Eddie," You sit up, tilting your head, causing him to grab your cheeks and set you back down.

"You need to lay down, Y/n."

"No, I'm fine-"

You slumped down, almost hitting your head, but luckily Eddie caught you. "Oh, yeah you're so fine. But not the fine you're think of. You're not leaving this bed until you're healed."

"It's no big deal. It's just a few bruises-"

"And you were puking."

"From eating to much."

"Which wouldn't have happened if I was there."

"You're such a mother hen, Eddie. You're lucky I love you."

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes, "Yeah, I'm the lucky one." He sighs, "I wonder how you've lived this long without me."

"Ahh, I've been doing just fine."

"Sure, babe," He remarks, shaking his head. "Says the one with bruises to the guy that's perfectly bruise-less."

"Because you don't do anything fun," You joke as Eddie massages your leg. You leaned on your pillow, sighing. Your eyes begin to close as you slowly fade into sleep.

"I'd rather you be safe and bored than in danger and having fun."

[jenniferjareauwife]

Hi can write Jj x reader shopping for houses together !

House Hunting

pairing: jennifer jareau x fem reader

category: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 687

summary: you and jj find the perfect house

"How do you like this one?" JJ asked as we walked through the short hallway. It was a small house but big enough for us to live in comfortably, and it had two extra bedrooms for if we had kids or guests.

"I like it...but I think I'd want something a bit bigger, if that's ok?"

"Yeah of course that's ok. As long as it fits our budget." JJ put her hand on the small of my back before leading me out of the house. "Where do you want to check out next?"

"There was one house on Ocean Blvd that looked nice." I said quietly, knowing it was a bit out of our budget.

"That one?" She sighed, getting into the drivers seat.

"We can negotiate the price." I offered. She sighed again and started driving. I didn't realize shopping for houses would be so stressful.

"Is this it?" She took a right and then drive straight for a while before turning left.

"Mhm." I stepped out of the car, looking at the beautiful one story house. "It has a basement."

"A serial killers lair."

"Shut up." I giggled and took her hand. I walked into the house, JJ trailing behind me. "Isn't it beautiful?" The house opened up into a small foyer with the living room on the left and the kitchen on the right. There was a small hallway that led to the rest of the house with the bedrooms and the office, and the door to the basement was in the hallway. "Do you like it?"

"I love it honey." She squeezed my hand as we walked down the basement stairs. There was another couple walking around the house, making me a bit anxious. I really wanted the house and I could see JJ and I living here with our kids one day. "What's wrong?"

"I really want this house."

"That's...that's what's wrong?" The other couple walked downstairs so JJ pulled me into the bathroom.

"I want this house and I want you to want this house. But I don't want them to like this house because then it comes down to who wants to pay more for it and-"

"I like this house baby." She cupped my face in her hands. "I can see us living here...I can see our kids living here." Her eyes were bright with love. "I want to live here with you." She pecked my lips before leaning in for a deeper one.

"But it's a bit out of our budget...is that ok?"

"We can work it out." She caressed my cheeks. "You ok?" I nodded, taking her hand and kissing her palm.

"Can we put in an offer then?"

"Of course, come on." She put her arm around my shoulders, walking upstairs before talking to the realtor.

"Wait wait I have a question."

"Hm?"

"Can we make the extra room in the basement a...like a relaxation room?"

"What do you mean?" JJ smiled at the realtor before quieting her voice a little bit.

"Like...LED lights, a humidifier, comfy seats and a tv. A decompression room." I hugged her arm, hoping she would say yes. She knew I struggled with anxiety and it would be beneficial for my mental health.

"Yeah. That sounds good." She kissed the top of my head. "We can make it whatever you want, as long as I can have my office." I giggled.

"You can have your office." We walked over to the realtor, ready to put in our offer. "You're sure about this?" I checked again.

"Of course I'm sure about it." She gave my hand a squeeze. "I want to build a life here. With you." She pecked my lips before writing down the amount we were willing to pay for the house. I wrapped my arms around her from behind, not caring about PDA right now. I loved her and I wanted her to know that.

When she signed her name it felt like our life was starting. I signed my name next to hers, smiling as she kissed my temple. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you more."

[hard-core-super-star]

shock to your system [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: your move to new york isn't as panic-free as you would have hoped but thankfully, your girlfriend knows just what to do to help.

warnings: panic attack + general mentions/descriptions of anxiety; hailee being the sweetest person in the world even in stressful situations; cute cheesy fluff; one day i'll figure out how to write endings, i promise; me dragging new york again, i'm so sorry

wordcount: 1.3k

a/n: title (and inspiration) comes from shock to your system by tegan and sara, i cannot recommend the song enough, holy crap. this request by sent in via pm and it's slightly heavier on the anxiety side than some of my past works. important disclaimer: i've never experienced a panic attack before despite living with major anxiety so hopefully the descriptions aren't totally awful. hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

You should’ve known better than to keep your growing anxiety to yourself. Despite the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, you had dismissed it at first. You were sure it was just the average amount of discomfort that comes with moving to a different city and because of it, you didn't say anything to your girlfriend.

Clearly, that had been a bad idea.

You didn’t know where it stemmed from but it was obvious the move to New York had left you a little more uneasy than you had anticipated. It’s not like you were a stranger to the city but living here is something completely different to visiting every few months. Everything about it is loud and overwhelming and incredibly different from the ocean-blue views of L.A that you’re so used to.

Not only were you dealing with the move, but you were also dealing with Hailee’s absence most days. Hawkeye had been picked up for a season 2, hence your hurried move to New York, and your girlfriend was on set pretty much every hour she was awake. She didn’t technically have the title of executive producer like she did with Dickinson but she certainly behaved like one, choosing to stay on set even when she didn’t have any scenes to film.

In hindsight, the signs were obvious. And yet you managed to ignore them over and over again until you finally snapped.

You had spent most of the week laying in bed and pretending like everything was fine. Hailee was distracted enough that she didn’t question you even when it was obvious you were avoiding things and you made no effort to fill her in on what was going on inside your mind. You didn’t see anything wrong with it…until today when your anxiety got way out of your control.

You don’t even know how it happened. One second you were fine, relaxing on the couch and texting your girlfriend who was on her way back to your apartment, and the next you felt the walls closing in on you. All it had taken to tip you over the edge into an ocean of panic was a genuinely sweet question from Hailee, an offer to go out tonight and explore the city together.

The mere thought of stepping foot outside of the walls of your new home was more than enough to make you spiral.

And spiral you did.

You’re not sure how much time passed, it felt like both an eternity and a second to your overwhelmed mind, but the tightness in your chest slowly increased until you were left gasping for breath.

You’re so lost in trying to remember how to properly breathe that you miss the sound of the door opening until the caring voice you love so much calls out for you. “y/n?”

You open your mouth to say something but all that comes out is a choked sob full of more desperation than sadness. You want to look up at Hailee but you feel frozen in place like all you can do is shake and struggle to get enough air into your lungs.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says as she crosses the space between you until she’s kneeling in between your legs. “Can you look at me, baby?”

“Can’t- Too much-”

“Shh, I know, I know. Take your time, you’re safe, love.”

Her gentle hands come up to caress your face, her thumbs wiping away the tears you hadn’t even realized had been slipping out of your tired eyes. Her touch helps ground you despite the chaos swirling around your mind, almost as if she’s the only thing keeping you anchored to reality.

She moves slowly but she manages to help you lift your head enough to be able to look into the loving eyes you call home. “There we go. Focus on me, alright? I’m not going anywhere.”

You sort of mumble in agreement although the sound comes out slightly muffled and incoherent. Hailee doesn’t judge your panicked response and instead does her best to comfort you, keeping her eyes trained on your face for any subtle hints that the panic attack may be growing stronger. There’s an underlying sweetness to the moment that not even the demons in your mind can argue against.

You do your best to focus on the sweetness of the moment and the sheer warmth she radiates so effortlessly while you struggle to get your breathing back under control. It’s a slow process filled with Hailee’s whispered words of encouragement and soft caresses but eventually, your shaking subsides and your breath starts coming in somewhat steadier than before.

You feel as if you’ve run a marathon despite having been frozen in place for who knows how long. The relieved smile that spreads along your girlfriend’s face offers more solace than the air that fills your lungs. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Your voice is barely louder than a whisper but at least you can finally talk without hyperventilating. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” she replies with a small shake of her head. “I’m just glad I could help you.”

You reach for her with shaky hands and she instantly understands your silent request. She joins you on the couch, her arm instantly wrapping around your waist and offering you more comfort than she could ever imagine. You shift your body toward her and rest your head against her shoulder while making sure to keep your breaths slow and deep.

A few moments of silence go by before Hailee speaks up, the question she asks breaking your heart a little. “y/n…why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t realize it had gotten so bad.” Your words are laced with both honesty and small traces of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, baby, I should’ve known.” Her grip on you tightens the slightest bit and it's obvious to you how genuine her concern is. It makes your heart flutter in your chest, the love that flows between you being more than enough to help your leftover discomfort disappear.

“Hailee, you’ve been so busy lately, it’s okay.”

“That’s not an excuse,” she argues. “I made you move here with me and then ditched you every day when I didn’t even need to be on set.”

You hate the way she blames herself but you know it’s only because she cares about you so much. It turns the whole situation into an easy pill to swallow. “Lee, I moved here with you because I wanted to. I love you, and I love New York, it’s just a lot to wrap my head around and that’s not your fault.”

She chuckles but the sound comes out a tad too deflated for your liking. “I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around, love.”

“We can comfort each other. It doesn’t have to be a competition." You tilt your head slightly so you can gaze up at the proud owner of your heart. You pretend not to notice the thin layer of tears in her eyes, not wanting to spend any more time dwelling on the bad.

You're in your girlfriend's arms with nothing but time to spend with each other. And that's what matters to you.

"You...are way too sweet for your own good, you know that?"

She doesn't give you time to argue with her. Instead, she leans down and captures your lips with her own. You practically melt in her arms. After going almost a full day without her, this was heaven on Earth, you were sure of it.

You reluctantly pull away from the kiss, the smile on your face wider and more genuine than it's been all week. "I know you wanted to go out but how about we order pizza and watch a trashy rom-com?"

"You read my mind, baby."

[suckerforcate]

LOVED your first kate stewart fic!!

a request/prompt for my queer UNIT boss babe: reader is an alien and has been hiding it from kate despite them having a Thing (relationship/flirting/other), out of fear that kate would be angry when she finds out. kate is indeed angry when she finds out, because reader's an alien? bc they were hiding it? 🤷🏻

feel free to change what you wish to!! 💚💚💚

Misplaced Doubt

Pairing: Kate Lethbridge-Stewart x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1200

Warning: NSFW being hinted (just minor), bit of anxiety

Summary: Kate finds out you're not human, but actually a Timelady. How will she react?

A/n: So, I made Reader a Timelady, cause it fits best with the physiology. Seems the most human. I settled with Timelady but there's no use of pronouns, so it could also be read as gn!reader. Let's just ignore that the Timelords are all dead. Hope you like it!! Would love a repost, like or comment. <3

■----------------------------------------■

You were torn. Obviously, you were aware that this approach was not the right one. Kate meant a lot to you, and you really liked her. So keeping secrets was wrong. But what were you meant to do?

At the beginning, you'd just been scared of telling her. Scared she'd reject you or wouldn't want you and at some point so much time had passed that it would have just been awkward to tell her. Cause how were you supposed to tell your girlfriend of nearly a year that you were a Timelady? That you had two hearts, could very well be a different person entirely tomorrow and would live to see her die.

Right, you just wouldn't. And if one day you'd regenerate or simply not grow old, well that was a problem for your future self.

Except it wasn't. In a very stupid string of events you'd managed to fall down the ladder when trying to change a light bulb and Kate was fussing. All her motherly instincts made themselves known, and she went slightly overboard with her worry.

"It's fine, Katie. I promise." You assured her as you sat in her couch, Kate kneeling beside you and looking worried. She was convinced you should see a doctor. You're sure they'd be delighted to find out about your second heart.

"You fell of the ladder. It's not fine." She insisted, eyebrows adorably furrowed and nervously biting her lip. A side of her anyone but you rarely got to witness.

"Look at me, I'm smiling and talking and breathing. I'm fine." You assure her again and smile at her as if to prove your point. But she was stubborn, you knew that. And if she had something in her mind there was no way going around it.

"No, I'll take you to the Doctor. I won't accept a no." You sighed, knowing that there was a good possibility your little, actually not so little, secret was about to come out.

"Kate, we can't go to the Doctor." You said, sighing and defeated. She had just gotten up and turned away to get her stuff when you spoke. So she turns back around and looks down at you confused.

"Why not?" She asked sceptically and crossed her arms. You sat up a bit in the couch, already feeling your body easily heal whatever had been hurt by the fall. You looked at her apologetically, as if to apologise for what was yet to come.

"I haven't been entirely truthful to you, Kate." You sighed and rubbed your face, elbows propped up on your knees. You looked up at Kate and gestured to the armchair across from you. "Please, sit down."

And she did. She sat down, though she still looked sceptical. Her arms were crossed, and her eyes fixed on you. You felt your hearts beat rapidly in your chest the tell-tale signs of anxiety rising in you.

"There's something I haven't told you. And I'm sorry for keeping that from you. I just didn't know how..." You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I'm a Timelady, Kate." There, it's out. No going back now.

After what felt like forever you opened your eyes and looked at Kate. She hadn't said a word. The silence was excruciating. The look on her face broke your heart, and you were sure it was all over now. She looked so hurt. So heartbroken. And it was your fault. She untangled her crossed arms and rubbed her palms over her jeans, then she stood up and paced up and down in front of you.

"How could you not tell me that?" She asked and besides the hurt there was an obvious layer of anger in her voice. She stopped pacing and crossed her arms again, looking down at you in the couch. She even looked angry.

"Listen, Kate I didn't mean to keep a secret or anything..." She scoffed and didn't even let you finish. She couldn't even look at you.

"You didn't want to keep a secret? Well, newsflash, you kept a secret." She shot back, and you could feel yourself shrink with every word you said. You'd ruined everything. You'd been dishonest with her and why would she want to be with someone who's not even human. It had been eleven wonderful months. But that was over now. Great.

"I'm sorry, Kate." You said again, practically sinking into yourself, eyes downcast. Silence. When you look up you nearly expected her to be gone. But she was still there. Her arms hanging at her sides and the hurt back in her features. It was killing you.

"Don't you trust me?" She asked and it sounded so broken. You looked at her confused. Of course, you trusted her. With your life. "I work for UNIT for fuck's sake. I can keep a secret.

"Course you can. That's not-..." you watched her for a second. She seemed hurt that you hadn't told her, hurt that you'd kept a secret. But...she didn't seem repulsed or disappointed or like she wanted to reject you.

"I didn't want to lose you. You're too important." Now it was her time to look confused. Silence, again. Until she sinks back into the armchair, this time leaning forward. Towards you, a good sign.

"Loose me?" She asks with that adorable high tone that she always used when she was curious about something she didn't quite understand. Her brows were furrowed as she waited for an answer.

"Yeah. Loose you." You said and shrugged helplessly. "I'm not human, Kate. Above that, I'm a Timelady. It could might as well happen that you come back from work next week and I have a different face, a different personality." You explained, dreading the second she'd understand the full impact of this. But it didn't seem to come.

"But you'd still be you." She said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. How could she just not mind at all? People would talk if she suddenly had a 'new' partner. She can be alright with that. Can she?

"But, how can you just not care?" You asked dumbfounded. Confusion written all over your face.

"I'm pissed that you kept that from me. And you'll have some making up to do for that. But I love you. I'd never leave you because of something like that. I fell in love with who you are. Not the face or the body you have." She explained, more gently now. Then she even smirked slightly. "Not to say I don't appreciate the body." You blushed slightly, still a bit shocked by her nonchalant approach to all this. This woman was truly remarkable.

"I love you so much, Katie. I'm sorry I doubted you." You said and reached over to gently take her hand in yours. "Let me start with some of those amends I have to make." You said and pulled her to her feet, immediately wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing her flush against you. She giggled and looked up at you with those beautiful eyes, filled with love and the world was back to being alright.

[cowboybarzy]

Can you write something where Mat and his girlfriend get pregnant and it’s not bad but it’s super unexpected and they are very surprised and unsure about everything when it comes to a baby?

unexpected - mat barzal

thank you sm for the request!! loved thinking & writing about this!! sorry for the delay, this has been written for a long time I just delayed posting this lol

word count: 1.5k

PART 2 OUT NOW PART 2.1 PART THREE

Pregnant. Not one, not two, but four tests confirmed it. Crap.

Tears escaped your eyes, the anxiety eating at you until you ended up crying on the bathroom floor. You were not ready for a baby at all. You loved your boyfriend a lot and had just moved in with after two years together, but both of you were still young and your careers were just really taking off. You had finally gotten your masters and years of hard work and landed a good job and Mat had just signed an amazing deal with the Islanders that would put his career on another level. Throwing a baby into the mix, when you were both so busy already, was not ideal. However, picturing Mat with a little baby in his arms made your heart melt.

After you calmed down and processed the information with a clear mind, you had a couple of hours before Mat would be coming home from a road trip. No matter how many times you played out telling him the news, you got more and more anxious. Mat was a sensitive person and you knew he wouldn't get angry or leave you, but this was huge news at the wrong time.

"Babe? I'm home!," Mats voice rang through the apartment. You hadn't heard him come in or even checked your phone where he'd let you know he was on his way. You smiled softly at him from the couch you were sitting on when he stepped into the living room. He sported a big smile on his face and held a small bouquet of flowers in his hands. "How are you?"

You stood up to hug him tightly, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He was only gone for a few days, but you'd missed him terribly, especially now with you being unexpectedly pregnant, you really needed that hug. You pulled back to kiss him and thank him for the flowers.

"Maty? I need to talk to you." You suddenly got serious, sitting back down, not being able to keep this news bottled up inside you any longer.

"What's wrong?," he asked with concern in his voice when he heard how chocked up you got. With a deep breath and nervously fumbling with your hands, you just blurted it out: "I'm pregnant."

You looked up at him and saw his face go blank. He stared at you for a few seconds before sitting down next to you. "Wha- I- How?"

"I don't know," you whispered. "I guess when I was sick a couple of weeks ago I missed a day or the meds messed with it, I don't know."

"Fuck." He slid his hands through his hair. After a long nervous pause, he broke the silence again. "What do we do?"

"I don't know." You exchanged a glance. "I mean it's not like we're in a bad place right now, but it's not how I pictured us having a family."

"So you wanna keep it?"

"I don't know," you answered. "I think so."

He nodded, buried his face in his hands and then finally got up. "Ok. I- I need to process this." Then he turned around and left. You broke down crying the second you heard the apartment door slam shut. You knew he wouldn't be thrilled, but you didn't think he'd leave you.

But not even a minute after you heard the door slam, Mat came rushing back and wrapped his arms around you. "I'm sorry," he whispered against your head. "That was such a dick move. I'm sorry."

You cried more, clinging to his body for comfort. "Please don't leave me again. I'm scared. I don't know how to do this."

"Fuck, me too. I'm sorry, I panicked. But I won't leave you again. I promise," he mumbled and kissed the top your head. "We'll figure it out, eh?"

You nodded, staying silent, kind of just processing the fact that you were going to be parents.

***

Over the next couple of weeks things were definitely a little bit awkward in your relationship. You didn't really know how to act around each other, still adjusting to the enormous news you got. But you shared small gestures, glances, and kisses to reassure each other you were in this together and that you wouldn't leave the other.

Today, you had your first doctor's appointment, and you were definitely nervous. But the idea of having a little Mat walk around definitely grew on you and as scared as you were, you couldn't wait to see the little baby.

And you were glad Mat got to be there as well, holding your hand and asking the doctor just as many questions as you, if not more. "So it's ok to have sex?"

You turned red when he asked that question, but the doctor just chuckled. "Yes, that's perfectly safe."

"And there's some foods she can't eat, right?"

"Yes, I'll give you some brochures that will outline what's not recommended and if you still have questions you can always call and ask. Want to see the baby now?"

She got everything set up and walked you through whatever was showing on the monitor. You were shaking, anxious but excited at the same time. When you finally heard the heartbeat, your heart burst. But it wasn't until you looked over to your boyfriend and saw the huge smile on his face that you started to tear up. You squeezed his hand and his eyes wandered to you. You shared a meaning look, before looking back at the screen, watching the baby.

"Looks like you're about 9 weeks along. The heartbeat is strong, everything looks good." The doctor ran some more tests and took some pictures, before giving you a couple of minutes.

As soon as the door closed, Mat leaned over and kissed you. Surprised by his abruptness, it took you a couple of seconds to adjust, but then you kissed him back with just as much passion. Seeing your little baby and hearing it's heartbeat made you overcome with so much happiness you could burst. "We got this, eh?," he laughed, pressing kiss after kiss to your lips.

"Yeah, we got this."

***

Later that night, you woke up by Mat shaking you awake. "What?," you asked groggily, slapping his hand away.

"Should we get married?" Well that question certainly woke you up.

"What?," you asked, finally opening your eyes and looking up at him.

"Should we get married? I mean, we're having a baby. Shouldn't we be married? And a house. We need a house. This apartment isn't big enough. The little guy is gonna need space and a yard and-"

You stopped him with a soft chuckle by placing your fingers against his lips before he hyperventilated. "Maty, relax." You sat up and turned your bedside lamp on to be able to see him better. "We don't need to get married, not right now. And how do you know it’s going to be a boy?"

“I have a feeling.” He shrugged with a grin.

“A feeling? Okay. What if we have a girl?”

“A mini version of you? I don’t mind that at all.” You leaned against him with a smile. “You don't want to get married?"

"Of course I do, but this isn't how I imagined it. I don't want to get married because we have to. We can take our time, no rush." You stroked his cheek and kissed him gently, before falling back into your pillows.

"Ok, so no wedding any time soon, what about about a house?”

“Ma-at! I’m tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?,” you groaned. He laid back down behind you, but hovered above you, holding himself up on his elbow.

“You’re saying no to marrying me and me buying you a house?,” he teased. A small grin formed on your face.

“I didn’t say no to the house.” He chuckled in response.

“So you’re gonna let me buy you a house?”

“I mean, I’m not gonna stop you, but we can take our time with that, too. Babies don’t walk until around their first birthday.”

“No, I’ll buy you a house. You’re carrying our kid. Seems like a fair exchange.”

You opened your eyes and turned to look at him. “Yeah, it does sound fair, huh?” He chuckled and tickled you, before calming down to kiss you. “Now will you let your pregnant future house owner sleep in peace, please?” You turned back around, getting comfortable.

“You could also be a fiancée,” he said to which you kicked him in the legs. “Ow! I’m just saying.”

“You can propose to me, but don’t do it because you think you have to,” you explained again, hoping he would let you sleep now. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his body. His hand slipped under you shirt, nestling on your lower stomach, right where the baby was.

“Okay, we’ll talk about it again soon.”

“Mhm. G’d night.” You placed your hand on top of his. You were suddenly filled with so much warmth and happiness and you knew everything would be fine. You might have a lot of learning to do when it comes to raising a child, but you’d figure it out. Together. “Love you.”

“Good night. I love you.”