#how others view her? sweet good ppl should NOT be thinking like this / acting out like this / etc etc. train of thought. johnny providing

[meatriarchived2]

i think its rather interesting that within the different cc & nosy au routes, maria's eventual corruption into one of the same with the family is very much harbored and nurtured and encouraged by the treatment given onto her by johnny - how he gives her a window to allow herself to express hate without restriction, violence without judgement - without fear of someone thinking ill of her, without the fear in the back of mind of what those she cares for would think of her because at that point, do their opinions even matter anymore when they left her there? when they abandoned the search in cc, and when they seemingly didnt even try to search for lee in nosy?

all of it being encouraged directly by johnny.

and then in her wilted / shine au's, when they've managed to get out, return home - but returning to a 'regular life' is so overwhelming, and you feel like you should be happy to be alive, happy that you all made it out, and yet? somethings' festering in you and you simply cannot for the life of you understand WHY you arent happy?

the outlet provided in cc/nosy simply isnt there - and those negative and violent emotions have no where else to go except to be constantly shoved deeper into gut. and so you self-isolate in hopes that it keeps those you care about safe, because you're unsure of what those feelings may turn into and its terrifying to think about.

and then, years later, you find yourself sitting across from one of them - and they tell you they want to go back.

and its like furnace has been set alight deep inside, and all that rage and hate and violent urges you spent so long trying to suppress finally starts to bubble and boil again.

maria may not have spent remotely as much time being affected by johnny / nancy in wilted as she does in cc/nosy, but the idea that it was enough to harbor those feelings for nearly two decades after to want to go back is... sad.

truly is haunted by them.

[smol-grey-tea]

for the ask game: tei? im curious about your thoughts on tei!!

Woah! :0 you funny, I already did Tei :) maybe I'll just go into a bit more detail and elaborate on the bullet points from last time!!! 😊

Chance for me to infodump about my thoughts on Tei :3 😊

Tei's so interesting. He pisses me off, he's the most boring one, but it's tbh mostly cuz he's the most popular within the fandom, that's why I don't as much like him. I think ppl only focus on the fact that he's a possessive yandere obsessed with purity and believes that no one should hurt his owner, but if anyone is going to, it should be him

Boring

Boring, boring boring

Get real. Get actually interesting. Oh. My. God.

Ppl rly think that's the most interesting aspect of his character?? It's certainly not the most relatable, at least not to me

Tei is a character wracked with anxiety and worry for his owner, who he places on a pedestal higher than the sun for smiling at him in place of treating him like the scum of the earth that he believes himself to be. He's not concerned about the owner abandoning him like Yeonho is, just about the owner's safety. He'll stop at nothing to keep that safety, and that's no exaggeration

In this way, he acts selflessly, say for all but his selfish desire to hurt the owner. He feels immense shame and disgust around it and blames it on his being dirty, but I think it's not so much a result of his being grotesque and disgusting, but simply lonely.

It must be incredibly isolating to shoulder so much pain and fear and worry all on his own, all while dealing with the painful memories of his previous owner. The best way I can interpret his desire to hurt Eri is by saying that deep down, he wants someone to lean on or relate to in his pain, and feel comfort thru their shared trauma.

He wants to dirty his owner, to make her like him, so that they may both finally be on the same level of purity and he can stand with her, and she can understand him. He cares for her deeply and sees her as safe but would feel guilty for burdening her with his issues if she was pure, but that wouldn't matter if she were just like him

He views this desire as selfish but I believe that this desire is manifesting from the simple desire for human connection, someone to be completely himself and honest around, which is something not nearly as selfish as he would believe ❤❤❤

Obviously, this doesn't excuse it. To change, he needs to learn to seek help, to reach out honestly about the pain he's going thru, taking one step at a time

Whether you romanticise his toxic behaviour or demonise it, I think it can still be agreed that simply removing him from the picture isn't a good solution to the danger that he is. Evidently, aside from Eri, Tei is the glue that holds the whole family together. He cooks, cleans, does the laundry and all the pecking he needs to, not just for Eri, but for the whole household

He gently urges Lance not to fight with Red; calms Yeonho's anxiety and teaches him cooking; nags Yuri but still feeds him and helps him just the same; and keeps Red happy and entertained with the justice warrior role playing

His relationships with each of the other boys are equally as complex as his with Eri, the way Red can feel comfortable enough with Tei to talk to him in a serious manner, and the way that Yuri warns Eri of Tei's dangers. Fascinating stuff behind the scenes that we don't even see!!!!!

I'm not sure how Cheritz would've been able to do this, since Nameless is told thru Eri's perspective, but based on the above, here's how I think that Tei's story could've been written a bit more realistically for him:

He cares for Eri deeply and his desire to hurt her doesn't just spring from nowhere, but comes more from the desire for human connection, someone to rely on or relate to, someone he can be his authentic honest self around. After hearing Tei's explanation, Eri agrees to help him thru his recovery, which is sweet of her, but I know that any relationship with someone you put on a pedestal can be extremely tough. It's incredibly easy to relapse and fall back when your entire day rests on whatever mood that one person is in

I've spoken about this before. In my opinion, Tei needs someone he can rely on, who is older than him, who he cannot hurt as easily, who he doesn't idolise, who he has much more stable of a relationship with

He needs Yuri. And Yuri needs him

It's the same for Yuri. Just like in his own route. He struggles with understanding emotions, especially sincerity that isn't tied to just empty flirting

The best way that Yuri can learn about authentic, sincere emotion is by trying to build a relationship with someone who he knows definitely isn't just interacting with him because of his good looks. Sure, Eri probably isn't, but being his owner (and a girl) that can kinda throw a wrench into things

Oh I haven't even mentioned that Tei's ocd is the biggest thing I can relate to him with. Hmm. It's 01:04. If I think of anything else to add, I'll make an addiction tomorrow. Idk how to conclude this essay, so I'll just say thanks again for sending the ask, n please keep em comin!!!!! I can do this for over 672 hours!!!!! ^^

[glitter50000]

I hope you enjoy reading ABOSAS!! I am ready to write essays on Snow. I am also ready to fist fight anyone who tries to babygirlify the young version of him… as usual 🤺👊

Thanks! I’m having a lot of fun with it and I haven’t even finished it yet. (Spoilers below if you haven’t read it just in case)

-First off there’s the environment, like it’s already bad reading on how fucked up the districts are treated from Katniss’s POV because she’s from the districts herself but reading it from The Capitol’s perspective is just so jarring. Like it just hit me reading it on how many of the Capitol view the districts as like playthings or circus animals. Coriolanus was waiting for Lucy and the others and he saw a train come by and from the design he thinks that’s just cargo until he hears a cough from it. They literally put the tributes in a monkey house in the zoo. -Also not to be like “eat the rich” because obviously it was very bad for the citizens in the Capitol when they got bombed by the rebels as it shows that with war no one really wins and everyone gets caught in the crossfire, but its something about how Coriolanus’s grandma had apparently never touched a stove in her life and he had to learn cause their cook died in the war. How the Capitol got so desperate during that time some resorted to cannibalism. How Coriolanus still ate cabbage on fine china. I dunno just little stuff that makes me realized like “oh these ppl are so rich” you know??

-Oh my god and Coriolanus is so fun to read. I mean I knew going in that he probably wasn’t going to be a good person but I was on the first page and I’m like “damn he’s cold.” Like just how he’s always thinking of how to best present himself to other people. The things like taking a swig of posca to get rid of the cabbage breath, how he was thankful for the rose on his shirt to get rid of the potato and marigold smell. Him pretending to not realize what kind of cuffs he had on his shirt and saying how it “reminded him of a maid’s bathroom” giving the image that he is someone who still is rich enough to have a maid when really they were stolen from someone else’s maid bathroom and they actually aren’t that rich at all. Just all the little things are so fun to me. Also his inner monologue is so entertaining sometimes I was thinking “damn he’s such a bitch” like I’m gonna highlight some of my favorite parts here:

•He thought of people putting a price on her. With her long, pointed nose and skinny body, Tigris was no great beauty, but she had a sweetness, a vulnerability that invited abuse. She would find takers, if she had a mind to. The idea made him feel sick and helpless and, consequently, disgusted with himself.

•Sejanus had arrived on the school playground ten years ago, a shy, sensitive boy cautiously surveying the other children with a pair of soulful brown eyes much too large for his strained face. When word had gotten out that he’d come from the districts, Coriolanus’s first impulse had been to join his classmates’ campaign to make the new kid’s life a living hell. On further reflection, he’d ignored him. If the other Capitol children took this to mean that baiting the district brat was beneath him, Sejanus took it as decency. Neither take was quite accurate, but both reinforced the image of Coriolanus as a class act.

•“That’s a fine polish job,” Coriolanus replied. Sejanus tensed at the implication that he was, what, a suck-up? A lackey? Coriolanus let it build a moment before he diffused it. “I should know. I do all Satyria’s wine goblets.”

 Sejanus relaxed at that. “Really?”

 “No, not really. But only because she hasn’t thought of it,” said Coriolanus, seesawing between disdain and camaraderie.

• Coriolanus tried to tamp down the panic rising inside him. A new law. Instating a tax on his apartment. For how much? As it was, they barely eked out a living on Tigris’s pittance, the tiny military pension his grandmother received for her husband’s service to Panem, and his own dependent benefits as the child of a slain war hero, which would cease on graduation. If they couldn’t pay the taxes, would they lose the apartment? It was all they had. Selling the place would be of no help; he knew his grandmother had borrowed every cent on it she could. If they sold, there would be next to nothing left. They would have to move to some obscure neighborhood and join the grimy ranks of everyday citizens, without status, without influence, without dignity. The disgrace would kill his grandmother. It would be kinder to toss her out the window of the penthouse. At least that would be quick.

  “You all right?” Sejanus peered at him, puzzled. “You just went white as a sheet.”

  Coriolanus regained his composure. “I think it’s the posca. Turns my stomach.”

  “Yeah,” Sejanus agreed. “Ma was always forcing it down me during the war.”

  Ma? Was Coriolanus’s place about to be usurped by someone who referred to his mother as “Ma”? The cabbage and posca threatened to make a reappearance. He took a deep breath and forced his stomach to hang on to it, resenting Sejanus more than he had since the well-fed district boy with the cloddish accent first wandered up to him, clutching a bag of gumdrops.

(I was gonna highlight more but it was gonna get so long lol)

-See but there’s also moments where like we do get humanizing moments and I like the balance. Like when he misses his mom and still has her powder compact, when he realized that Lucy probably wouldn’t see her family ever again, how he felt uncomfortable hearing Sejanus hate being a mentor and the hunger games cause Coriolanus reveled in this position. I dunno stuff like that I haven’t finished it yet though

-Also when Coriolanus whispered “don’t cry” quietly to Lucy and then caught himself I was like “uh oh :)” like that probably isn’t going to end well

- I know I haven’t finished it yet but Sejanus is the best boy please don’t argue with me on this

Anyway this book is very good and i’m excited for the movie!!

[psych---ologically-deranged]

Psychfacts & commentary 1x01

The "they spelled it wrong on mine" bloodthirsty tattoo was bc the makeup department accidentally spelled the car-breaker one's tattoo bloodthristy, which is where shawn's "they spelled it wrong on mine" line came from.

"sweet" was an improv.

"But everything funny you hear is what I wrote" (they don't have captions so I can't hear as well & the voices all sound kind of swimmy sometimes, esp with other noises or through a screen, yay deaf+adhd, so I can't tell who is talking.)

Improvises just to entertain the ppl behind the camera XD

Ooh the interview was the audition scene for omundson (& the director said "nah" to half the stuff he liked abt it XD)

Steve franks: writer, director, producer, creator, music, main cast member, yes he plays both lassie & lucinda

I agree, hearing the background. Chris says "psych" too, love that.

That stubble is... James Roday Rodriguez was very intent on having stubble, the network was very intent on Not. & won that battle!

"He has this thing where he gets the makeup lady to stand on set in view of everybody & pretend to shave him, so it's kind of like air shaving" (it's just like wrestling & you realize the razor is 6-8" away from his face)

Sage Brock is great & he was supposed to only be here for this ep or this scene, but when he raised his hand, they said that's the guy & kept him on

Dang it was 3c here!? That's cold!

One of the prisoners should also raise his hand XD

the foot wiggle, which JRr came up with that day! Huh! He came up w a physical thing for every psychic thing!

Oh yeah, look look look, editing is an art!

may 3 the wedding is dule hill's bday XD

MY MAN RAISED HIS HAND FOR 4 MINUTES?

That's acting! Soft cuddly person playing an angry dude? Love it

magic finger was an improv XD. I love how all the good stuff was written, but then the stuff in between is there too.

Pouring rain? If you listen very closely you can hear the rain on the tarp.

Nobody ever mentions she is pregnant & they actually added a line (bc she was pregnant during the audition tape) but then they cut it out because ss "you're.........." kv 'In charge.' was honestly less funny than just not acknowledging it & I think it's great too, people get preggo somtimes. Script was made, & they just decided, they don't need to acknowledge the pregnancy.

"Her improv was being pregnant"

The windowsill?

He decided to eat XD "nobody was bothered by it but me!"

He ate but they just cut around it

Gus just has his bible on the jurassic temperature windowsill XD, occasionally look over & read a psalm.

"But you're not getting your coat." (improv)

The circle XD. Always ended up adding something fantastic

Forensics guys. Gus? Why do you like that? (Lenny face)

They shoot 40% of their beach stuff in whiterock BC.

This whole oceanfront drive, nice, but why so many fish/chip places.

Wow you can see their breath!

Watch the palm trees, you'll see them everywhere bc they are not real. Only had six.

I like how most of the characters share a name with people irl. Lassiter is from a friend of Franks'.

Heck yeah! Stage Swing sets!

He can Never be caught as a psychic. The only way they'll know is if I tell them.

When he pulls him aside, that wasn't written but it was exactly what they needed & saw in their visions. This is a good pilot.

Canada <3

Oh the mccallum girl was trying to be Lucinda but they liked her so they made her katarina too! Steve franks: bring her back bring her back, put her in another episode, she's great we like her (but by the end of it shawn sends her dad to prison) "couples have tough times, we can make this work, your dad WAS guilty it's ok!"

"At a halloween party dressed as a cat"

Whoever drew that sketch <3

This scene was in the pitch

My man is six foot eight! The tallest person I've ever met was a 6'7" woman (altho she did have a tie with another guy I ignore that fact). Teeny drama room, in a couch 4 feet away & this guy is on his feet acting out his mind, what he thought through.

Twin peaks fans <3

Dulé in b/w takes *running to the coats off frame*

The seatbelt was good, they made it WORK.

The sound design <3 <3 <3 as a deaf musician... yeah

"like shawn is in there baking a cake or someting, & he's just making coffee. Though making a cake is smth he;d be doing"

Oof filming at 2 in the morning on thanksgiving.

Blocking <3

Why would shawn be there in the middle of the night? He apparently hooked up with Kat mccallum, spent time in her room, & then went to gus at 4am.

...??? They chose their actors from the pot they received, & then... got JRr & DH together at JRr's house the weekend before filming???

WHERE'S THE PINEAPPLE

Dule, hands on the dashboard while the cop is there in the car wasn't script, "that's just what you do"

Henry doing his thing, henry style. He was laughing at the end but they were able to cut it!

Lunson lake?

Matt <3

the fog XD

sports illustrated binoculars

"Just Auburn?"

Yes you so need to punctuate scenes!

I like how they have sunglasses.

Named after my sister in law & brother in law <3

The same palm tree

Billy Camp! Hay fever! Line cook! Workin the grill! Hold the chicken higher! Higher!

(practicing the surprised face)

There is a 2h version of the pilot? Gimme!

Doolittle?

Swat team on the funny little comedy

"Oh they weren't real?"

"the dog did kind of look vicious cause it kept going for james' face"

'idk who is in charge of dog face blood. Makeup?' (it was like he dipped his head in a bucket of blood)

Dog runs right into the crime scene

Suddenly shock all the children watching

Pardon me. Ladies. Gentlemen. *runs out screaming*

JRr puts his head down. *an eighth of a second later everyone was laughing*

His screams woul turn into michael jackson songs XD

"this police station is in what like to call the Haunted Insane Asylum" Actually a lot of prison scenes are filmed in dementia wards & mental hospitals bc they have similar layout, even occasionally in schools. Institutional buildings, yk? (it is what inspired scary sherry)

Annie built her own ouija board & they went to the basement in the underbelly & no lihts in the wing?

heck yeah pansies

strawberry festival? No cinnamon! They have arguments that last 20 years!

I do give up, all the time, but only when the moment is right

Aw, I love family. He doesn't believe in santa...??? & tell children that???? whwat???? I mean I grew up without santa. The way the commenters say "He doesn't believe in lying, & since he doesn't believe in santa claus (i don't know why) he says that" & they treat him like he's crazy for not believing in santa.

The head turn XD

Fake sky & a fake palm tree & a fake roof, but a real motorcycle. (I can't believe I watched so much of the show without knowing shawn had a motorbike. It was more important in the first season)

Can't front in front of your father

Ok so in s8 he says he paid insurance when he bought his bike eight years ago, but we all thought he had his bike forever, like in the psych teen shorts where he fails the exam & says he'll just drive a motorcycle (you still need to be licensed, in fact, a different licence) but it is a different bike, or at least that is how it looks.

The "I'm not ounting the one in your pocket" was added on set bc henry put on a hat when he left the house & is not wearing it in the restaurant. Yes, all the bloggers WOULD be mad. I'm blogging right now! "It's for the bloggers!" You're so right besties.

The hat scene was not supposed to be seen ,it was just backstory, but they added it to the script & I am happy for that.

Yes, everyone DID love the flashback, it IS fortunate! Thank you!

I can't hear what they are saying! Weasle Sloan & Jackie Dungeoness?

Shawn's apartment is directly below the barbeque place (at least the set)

You brought your newbrn 9w old, to vancouver! Your kid has canadian citizenship? Good for you bro XD

Oh all that graffitti? Yeah that's vancouver.

Yeah it IS so cold.

Kelly Catering, warm turkey cranberry stuffing sandwiches in the freezing cold. Warm thanksgiving dinner on wheat bread.

This is the action aspect of our show *shawn running ditzily, stealing a bag*

(one whose name I forget bc they don't have it in captions): Dule really really attacked james, absolutely linebackered him. Is linebackered a word?

Just... sixty feet away

This man plays The Heavy in Canada???

How psychouts started: they get stuck in the car together, they always just start singing songs, but um. They would sing about what they did the night before to a michael jackson song. Right they would be in the car with their mics on & we'd be fifty yards away under a tarp in the rain & they probably forgot that we could hear them & they'd start chatting & they'd start harmonizing with each other. It's very sweet. Romantic.

XD wanted to buy a 48c jacket but his price threshhold was too low. My man threatened him with a hanger

Jumps into the car thru the window. Stunt guys!

friends selling each other out, as they do

All eight dollars were my money. I;ve heard it IS illegal to have money shown fully onscreen. "If it is then it's fake money I happen ot have"

My man was accidentally sitting on the folder

that's a real gun & she's firing real rounds /j

JRr *not wearing ear gear* (& never flinched)

They went back & re-edited it for her dad who was a gun nut

this guy CAN do these htings, he's just a goof. He had to fight the network to get that.

My man's a good shot.

*looking to the side* marketing moments

Two page episode wrapups flawlessly? Incredible.

We see bodies but not murder

poor stunt actor hitting his head on the table, weather below 0, looks more & more painful every time, & then the table BROKE

SF, taking really dramatic moment & mixing it with comedy

Shawn knows exactly where to go "put on the fan & flush" if you're going to throw up in the murderer's house

SF I've always wanted someone to call the cops on themselves

spet the morning getting the snow off the grass

Tim likes any time you allow him to pull his gun or manhandle a suspect

Holding him up. Like a two year old not wanting to go into his car seat.

Pregnant, 2am, smoking & drinking /j, bungee jumping /j

Hooray editing

"I wish I knew" lassie will never believe him

Ah the palm scenes

Oh no I'd love to see this with the focus group? "Oh god! My dad! I may be out of a job & in jail"

Rest your teamug on your tummy

Does vick believe him? You never sort of know

She's already hiring him again!

Was the scene with dad in the og script?

His dad is thinking about accepting him. He has the newspaper.

The shows are so often about the cool car. night rider? kit? super cool. hill street blues. supernatural. Magnum PI. This one has the blueberry.

PSYCH NOT SIKE FUCKING THANK YOU

Fizadribble? SF: Making up drug names is impossible because no matter what name you make up, it actually exists as a drug & is registered to somebody. (antidepressants or tolkein)

Yayyyyyy

[sunlightandsuffering]

First thing first, here i just want to peacefully discussing about “cross-cultural discourse” in AoT story building, so please don’t be mean to me, okay guys? 😰😭

Well. I always imagine that the first time they doing sex, it is also the first time for Mikasa (especially) to lose her virginity. And she loses it to Eren. Her first time is a bit painful (but she enjoys it—oops), and... here we go, I always imagining that Mikasa will be a bit bleeding because of her process of losing virginity (LMAO i don’t know if i’ve expressing that with correct words), even if they have been doing such a foreplay before? Now, please don’t get me wrong. 😭 It is because I see that their story is somewhat built based on Asian culture influence.

Since Isayama is Japanese (Asian), I see that he somewhat injected his cultural background into his manga/story, even if the setting of AoT story is nowhere in Asia continental but in Paradis/Marley/fictional places. In Asian, they tend to romanticize virginity where the presence of virginity blood (?) at the first time sex often considered to be romantic. And, sometimes, i see some of them even “glorify the virginity blood” during first time sex. 😳

This might sound a little weird to Westerners (or foreigners as Japanese called), but Asian really don’t talk about sex explicitly or openly just like NA/Western people do. And maybe this is one of the reasons why Isayama likely “shy” to drawing kissing scene of Eremika. Lol. 😂 Well, of course there are another thing as JAV or hentai, but it’s like completely different separated side of this common Asian culture. It’s like totally 180° separated. I know it because i was once see an interview with Maria Ozawa (yep that JAV legend! 😌) where she said that her family and friends immediately drive her off and leave her when they find out about her JAV debut/video. She even forbidden to use a train station she used to take to school, because her act is considered to be embarrassing/humiliation.

Oh wow I have talked too much. 😂😭😭 I am really sorry, i hope you‘ve got the point. Please don’t be mad at me, i just want to share about this kind of Asian culture or whatever. Once again, really sorry. 😭

Aww anon don't worry lol we're not going to be mean to u! This is a really interesting perspective! Thank you for sending it!! A fun topic of discussion lol I think most girls bleed at least a little when they lose their virginity, it might be more watery tho, not like bleeding out amounts of blood lol. So yes, despite being well prepared to lose it, she'd probably bleed! I'm not quite sure what u mean by glorifying her virgin blood?

I agree their first time would probably be very romantic and soft 🥺 it's her first time Eren would definitely be gentle!! But from what I understand the rest of what you're saying about asian culture compared to western is

Yams: sweet romantic love, just a kiss is enough! 🥺🥰♥️

westerners: THEY MUST HAVE SEX, THEY SHOULD BE HORNY, HOW HORNY CAN WE MAKE THEM!!! 🤣🤣🤣

cuz honestly mood, lol I very much appreciate that tho about asian cultures, it's very refreshing compared to western views! Shows that romance isn't dead!! 😂😂 As much as I am happy that in western society were moving to be more open towards sex, it still kinda sucks because we also almost get desensitized to it. So losing one's virginity isn't quite as special or as romantic anymore, which kinda sucks in some ways but is good in others. Instead it just becomes this big kinda expectation hanging over a lot of ppl's heads, almost daunting really instead of this great new experience it could possibly be!

[silver-wield]

Can we talk about the scene where Cloud and Aerith wake up after inhaling the gas and when Tifa is telling Cloud why she decided to go see Corneo, Cloud drops his hands and says “seriously??” to Tifa, clearly upset that she put herself in a dangerous situation. It was my first time playing FF7, but I can definitely see how much Cloud is in love with Tifa - it’s so obvious.

Hey, Nonny, ff7 and remake is a wild ass ride so hold on tight and enjoy lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and for once this is gonna be short and sweet.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I've had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea's approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Quick recap time. Cloud and Aerith successfully infiltrate Don Corneo's place, get knocked out and dumped in the basement. Cloud wakes up to see Tifa leaning over him.

The scene starts off with Cloud looking relieved af that Tifa's not hurt. We know he acted like he wasn't worried about her, that he knew she can kick all the ass, but he totally pouted at not being allowed to help her and was probably hiding that worry throughout the entire section. This is further backed up by his expression in the seconds before he agrees to dance. That firm nod and eyes squeezed shut, you can hear him think to himself that he's doing it for Tifa, and I honestly don't think he'd have done it for anyone else.

I'm sorry, I'm fucking dying at that second screen! It's like he's literally just come back to himself and realised what he's wearing in front of his crush! This is not how he wants her to see him lol This is definitely a real!Cloud expression and I love that we get to see these deep hidden feelings come to the surface, but they’re also not just “omg I love Tifa”, so Cloud’s personality is very much mutifaceted and not just one note.

Poor bby is so embarrassed. He's lucky Tifa agrees to never bring this up again, which she doesn't when we get a callback to it later in the game. His eyes are everywhere but on her and as I've pointed out like a million times in other analysis, Cloud and Tifa do eye contact very well. Usually Cloud is all for staring into her ruby reds, but this time he's doing his best to avoid her. There's no judgement from her, she's just surprised. We probably won’t get this since we’ve moved well past this point, but I’d like for Tifa to acknowledge the lengths Cloud went to for her and thank him -- cue another cute moment?

And this is the moment you're after, Nonny. Cloud is feeling very self-conscious and defensive, which is why he has his arms crossed. He can't do much about his appearance besides put up with it and go full on SOLDIER!Cloud until this nightmare is over lol

At the same time, he can’t go full on SOLDIER!Cloud because he’s with Tifa and his real feelings always surface. He acts instinctively to protect her and shows her favour all the time. He’s always aware of where she is and how she’s feeling, so it’s nice that this hard ass persona he’s crafted to protect himself has such a big flaw that Tifa isn’t even aware she breaks through.

Remember, I just said he's avoiding Tifa's gaze out of embarrassment? Well, now his eyes are back on her and this is one of the few times he's disapproving towards her. Which is actually a good sign because most of the time Cloud is soft af towards Tifa, but this shows he's not just some weak ass puppy with a crush. He doesn't view her through rose tinted specs. He understands that she’s just as flawed as anyone else and can make mistakes.

Conclusion

This is very much a couple moment for Cloti, like plenty of others. It's different in that we're seeing something close to a lovers' tiff. Cloud is disappointed in Tifa's method and shows it, which is good for him because having him be infatuated with her and never question her judgement doesn't make for a healthy relationship. He knows she's mistaken here and doesn't hesitate to voice that to her. Tifa doesn't get a chance to engage with this side of Cloud because Aerith jumps in, so we can only speculate what she's thinking. I didn't get the impression she was about to throw down with him though, more like a lengthy discussion which would likely end in them agreeing they need to continue with her insane plan because they need the info, though Cloud would not be happy about it. All in all a nice bit of relationship development for them.

[telesthisia]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

TAGGED BY: @hyaciiintho​ thank you so much!!! <3 TAGGING: @rcguna​ @cadcnce​ either or whatever works for you bear, @panickypeachboy​ @paintmaid​ @emfiliae​ @windmcge​ and you as well!! The person reading this

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. <--- leaving this here because this is super sweet ALSO FAIR WARNING my blog has right click turned off. I’m going to be placing this under readmore but I think you can see it on dashboard view! If not lmk we’ll work something out!!! 

MY MUSE IS:   CANON / OC / AU (Verse dependent) / CANON-DIVERGENT (Interactions & verse dependent) / FANDOMLESS

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES well kinda at least thanks to ssbu before she wasn’t that well known I MEAN PPL KNEW HER BUT SHE DIDN’T HAVE AS MANY FANART AS OTHER ZELDAS SDJBKHJABSD/ NO

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK because not too many people talk about her and by her I mean ALTTP Zel, people are bonkers over SSBU Zel! 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO if we’re talking about the canon of ALTTP and OoX series rather than ssbu it’s a hard no, she has enough magic to be considered a sacrifice to break barriers and revive the dead but not enough to fend herself off from evil mages who want to talk over the world / IDK

Are they underrated?  YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?   NOT THAT STRICT HONESTLY, she’s just an OC at this point haha because she has zero substance in her own god damn game ;v; she’s just exposition.txt with dulcina effect playing into view though it is somewhat justified since she is the princess and the only thing that stopped Agahnim from breaking out Ganon.... I MEAN!!! SHE��S NOT AT ALL A DEPRESSED CALM ROMANTIC IN CANON LET’S PUT IT TO YOU THAT WAY SDBKASDJHBDASD. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS.   TAKES A DEEP BREATH

Tiny funky elf princess trying her best to rule elf kingdom. HJKA there’s more, I’m lazy but not that lazy. She’s the descendent of essentially a mortal god, more than likely acting as an avatar of sorts to the goddess Hylia, as such she’s gifted with fantastical abilities that’s been passed down her family for generations and she intends to use these powers to protect her kingdom that’s still on the road of recovery, as the sole survivor from Agahnim’s destruction upon Hyrule and thus sole scion she’s left picking up the small fragments from the tragedy that occurred ages ago where the Hero of Time had fallen. But here’s the downside to these powers: she was born with a very weak body and poor health as such she can’t utilize the abilities she has from her bloodline aside from a few powers without affecting her low stamina issues. Namely telepathy, clairvoyance, healing, sealing things away, creating barriers, and connection with the spirit realm. As such, she tends to rely on the wisdom given to her by her naturally bright mind and enhanced by the mythical object known as the Triforce of Wisdom. Surprisingly, she can be cunning despite her soft-hearted nature and is willing to do whatever it takes to protect her kingdom and people she loves, her silent determination more than makes up for the lack of powers she may have. That in mind, she’s often the target of more nefarious plans that means the downfall of her kingdom. She may not have the amazing light magic spells her ancestors did to prevent darkness from taking over but that doesn’t mean her magic isn’t any less potent, she just can’t tap into it. She’s an easy target for enemies that wish to use her sacred powers to revive the dead Ganon or break pass whatever powerful barrier or seal that’s in place. 

Her future is pretty grim as well, considering she has a shorter life span. But it’s fine, things are fine she may have a gloomy outlook on certain things but that doesn’t stop her from living life!! Despite how sour this may all seem Zelda is still that encouraging young woman whose kindness defines her, she’s playfully innocent around friends and enjoys exploring old places of decay that’s rich with history! She tends to bottle up her more negative aspects to not worry others since she’s the pillar of an entire ass nation, she needs to maintain her placid demeanor as a means to calm and soothe others around her. Because the truth of the matter is that the events of ALTTP (before the game where harsh plagues among other things happened before Agahnim arrived to fix everything as well as after the events of the game) and OoX, instances where she’s witnessed death of loved ones, the downfall of her kingdom, and coming across death herself has affected her greatly. She suffers from grief and depression that needs to be addressed but... ;v; 

NGL I’M ABOUT TO CRY 

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).   HJKA TAKE OUT MY BULLSHIT TAKE ON HER AND YOU’RE LEFT WITH EXPOSITION AND DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!! She’s not at all interesting if you don’t take into account her roles in the mangas which I somewhat base her personality and thoughts on... she’s just.... nice pretty princess that needs to be rescued. A tale as old as time.... 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   GOOD QUESTION!!! BECAUSE I STARTED OUT WITH HILDA BEFORE DECIDING TO GO WITH SKY ZELDA BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO A MORE OUTGOING MUSE and then I opened up a sideblog for this Zelda out of whim. There’s no reason why I choose the most obscure Zelda, I just did it because I thought it’d be fun. I did not expect this much characterization for someone like her ngl. I guess what keeps me going is the fact that she’s a fun character to write for! 

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? HA!!! NOTHING!!! Mental illness is a bitch, I will have my down... weeks. Not days, literal weeks or months depending on how long my episodes last. It sucks, and I try to work around it but there’s not much I can do. That said, inspiration depends on motivation and want to write. As well as focus because god knows I have so little of that. 

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO I TRY BUT UNDERSTAND THERE’S NOT MUCH TO WORK WITH IN CANON YOU EITHER LIKE HER OR DON’T 

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO but I honestly should???

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES where’s the kinda opition, because I personally love her and think she’s interesting enough but I’m still working a lot on her NO

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HA HARD NO

Are you a sensitive person?  YES fun part of having ADD is that you feel emotions more intenstly, I’m naturally a senstive person too so :’)))) / NO

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   YES OF COURSE!!!! As someone who wants to grow more in writing any sort of feedback is appreciated! 

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   If you give me the chance to ramble about this stupid elf I will literally love you so much like I love all sorts of questions anyone may have about her!! Though I feel my rambles don’t really make much sense since I just type whatever pops in the mind and put it down as fast as I can without double-checking well enough. 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?   Sí! Again, I want to grow more as a writer and rper! So if someone were to come across a headcanon they don’t like I’d like to know why so that I can think more critically about it and fix it so that it better fits Zelda. If someone were to say “I don’t like this” without saying why it really won’t help much aside from letting me know that you don’t like the thing, which is fine and valid but pls let me know why! 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?   Eh, fine with it. I honestly don’t mind if someone doesn’t like my characters, any of my characters I play as! Sometimes, certain portrayals aren’t someone’s cup of tea and that’s perfectly fine. I won’t take offense to it, at the end of the day while I’m still working on Zelda I’m happy with how much she’s grown over the years I’ve played her as... which were just two but it feels longer dude!!! 

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?   Again, I wouldn’t care that much lol. It’s just rping, it’s really not that deep. It’s no different from someone not liking a book because they just don’t vibe with the writing style among other reasons. I may be sensitive but I don’t really take a lot of things personally. 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   Ye uvub! I’m a literal dumbass behind a keyboard, don’t be afraid to say “hey this wasn’t spelled right” or “hey this doesn’t make much sense mind checking it over really quick”. 

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   I THINK?! I MEAN HONESTLY I’M SUPER ANXIOUS AND A WORRYWART I JUST DON’T SHOW IT MUCH AAAAAAAA I’d like to think of myself as chill ;v; I try to treat others how I want to be treated and just try to be nice. Idk if I come across as that or not, it’s hard to convey feelings through text sometimes to some. 

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[xz017]

.

oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye 

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

[tayegi]

i have so many theories right now...what if the guys are just trying to win a bet set on the oc? or maybe jk just doesn’t realize he likes the oc and mistakes his own actions as platonic ones? also, as readers, we see the story through the oc’s eyes so we focus on that angst part at the end of chap9, but then again, the oc has stated multiple times to hoseok and so many people that her and jk would never be more. whatever she went trough there, jk could have been trough the same a million times.

ahhhh you guys are the best!!! srsly i am so honored to have so many thoughtful, lovely, incredible asks theorizing about the plot and what jk’s intentions are!!! i would love to respond to each and every one of them, but unfortunately, i am unable to confirm or deny anything!

But i think these are super interesting and i’ve read all of them, and i’d love it if other ppl did as well! MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT: 

Anonymous said:I know Hoseok wasn’t in this chapter but I feel like Hoseok is gonna play her like jk did and she’s gonna be left in the dust with no one and resort to being even more icy. Jungkook has a lot of problems and it’s really evident that he likes her in that way. Fuckbois are really something else man. They get scared of affection yet lead girls on and make them scared of it. It’s like a constant cycle of insecurity. Damn I wish she was with jimin. He would’ve provided all the love and affection

Anonymous said:lmao why is everyone assuming jk will never change and that he’s going to be an Evil Fuckboi™️ forever. like, we can see how the oc changed throughout the story, so why y’all thinking jk can’t do the same. the story isn’t over, there is more to learn, and the oc and jk have more development to go through. anyway, deep in my heart I’m hoping they’ll get a happy ending 💜

Anonymous said:Why do I get the feeling that Jungkook has slight romantic feelings towards the oc but his fear of not wanting to get hurt outweighs those thoughts. I don’t know though I might be completely off😫Thank you for the update!

Anonymous said:I tried reading the story in JK's POV and I cant help but feel as if he isnt the one at fault for making OC cry. Yes, he rejected her but he's known as a fkboy. He stated clearly that he didn't want a relationship, he thought OC knew that clearly. Thus he thought they were just friends. All the things he said was misinterpreted into a romantic way cause people kept forcing OC to view their relationship romantically. I felt that if ppl didnt do that, OC wldnt have developed feelings for him.

carlyangel123 said:Ok everyone is saying that Jungkook hasn't changed at all and I'm not saying like oh yall wrong or anything😂. But I think, based on Jungkook's showcase of clinginess and affectionate actions through the past chapters, that he HAS fallen for the OC. However, bc of his past (not wanting to go through another possible heartbreak), his assumption the OC would never like him, and just maybe insecurities that he's denying it and forcing himself to be indifferent like the OC did in the beginning.🤔🤔

Anonymous said:Nah nah nah nah lu i refuse to believe that everything jungkook did was all platonic but through oc’s eyes we saw as romantic. Im trying to remember everything he’s done for her and trying to see it from a platonic pov but i cant. So here’s my conclusion: jk likes oc but during the car ride and seeing his hand in hers he had a realization and became fearful of being hurt like he was before. Thats why he put his barriers up again CUZ LIKE HOW COULD THAT BE THE SAME JK I JUST ALDJSKAHALA

Anonymous said:Jin was an ass who only wanted sex, cheated on y/n and didn't care for her, many people think that Jk may've gone through something similar with his ex, but I think JK's ex was totally different, she was in fact... the opposite. Possessive, wanted to be with jk all the time, didn't let him breath, etc... That's why he doesn't want a relationship, he suffered the opposite extreme of what the oc suffered with jin, also this would mean the oc is the complete opposite to jk's ex aka why he likes her

Anonymous said:i’m analyzing NR again and just a theory of my own: jk’s relationship with his ex girlfriend started as a fwb type and jk was the one to develop feelings first, and at first it was good and then severely went downhill? this theory is probably far from correct, but i was just piecing together the fact that he hates hookup culture, but is able to engage in it with OC, maybe jk just wanted the physical emotion or OC reminds jk of his ex? anyways i’m enjoying the story so so much! best wishes lu 💜

Anonymous said:Wait so like OC got reminded of Jin when she met JK, so I thought that maybe JK saw himself in OC? Bc sometimes they REALLY think alike.. Idk man I just had this idea.. I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH LU HAVE A NICE DAYYYY–❄️🐰

Anonymous said:I've been thinking about oc's relationship with seokjin and jk's with his ex gf. We don't know anything about her except two things: the oc reminded jk of her (as jk reminded her of seokjin) and the "don't leave me like she did" he said while drunk. If seokjin helped oc build who she is and what she wants in a relationship, we could say that maybe jk wants something that lacked in his previous relationship, like emotional support or a caring hand. It matches oc's Ice Queen reputation a bit to me

Anonymous said:Omg jks roues are definitely along the lines of “dont fall for anyone”

Anonymous said:so like, i feel as tho hyejin plays a more important role than we’re realizing. why does she seem so obsessed with jk if everyone knows he’s a fuckboy who doesn’t do relationships? why does she think she’s different? why does she think she has a chance? unless they already have a history we don’t know about...?? 🤔

Anonymous said:Personally, I wasn‘t that surprised about Jungkook not feeling the same way as OC. I don‘t blame him, he was honest from the very beginning with her. At the same time, I cannot blame OC either for feeling the way she does. Hookup culture leads you to believe that the person you‘re sleeping with should not care for you. I assume that OC interpreted the signals from JK in the wrong way, and thought he might love her when, in reality, he does care about her, but not in the way she wants. (1) ☀️

Anonymous said:JK has found smn he can talk to, and share smth else beyond sex. At the very end, I think OC might be the one who will push him outside his shell but not necessarily be the one he will fall in love with. (2)☀️

Anonymous said:I feel like oc and Jungkook might be on the same wavelength but because Jungkook clearly hasn’t gotten over his ex and whatever happened he might be pushing oc away. Plus the fact he even wants to stay friends with her is quite sweet in itself. It shows he genuinely cares about her, but probably isn’t ready to have any sort of relationship. You haven’t mentioned him having any female friends either so all of that skinship he does with oc might just be his way of being friendly??

Anonymous said:I feel like Jungkook is not over his ex and maybe he will end up with her, maybe he really does like the OC for the sex and the friendship. That's all.

Anonymous said:What if JK still likes his ex? :O

Anonymous said:Hummm sometimes I feel like in the end they're just going to be experiences for each other. I mean the OC and JK, maybe they will have none relationship at all, not friendship nor fuck buddies nor bf and gf...

dodoesdidwill said:Hyejin's line "You are really good at skating. I'm amazed" what? No way he was practicing after OC took him to skate, right? There must be something we don't know yet...

Anonymous said:Ok, if "New Rules" has taught me anything, it's to NOT judge a book by its covers. I judged Mijoo too harshly & things weren't as they seemed. Not repeating the same mistake with Kook. He was obviously hurt by someone in the past, just like the OC. Sooo... Maybe OC is not the only one with new rules? Maybe Kook was so hurt, one of his rules is to not fall in love again, or to ever put himself in a vulnerable position to be hurt again? Idk but I don't think he's that much of a dickwad

Anonymous said:Okay, so you said that we've been seeing JK through the OC's perspective and that we need to sort through the facts and her assumptions. What the anon who talked about JK having FWBs for the intimacy said really made sense to me and I thought about the fact that, if my memory serves me correctly, we've only seen JK with the OC. We have no way of knowing how he's acted in other FWB relationships. Maybe this is how he's been with all of them??? I dunno.

Anonymous said:i think new rules! jk likes OC too. this thing going on between them isn't just platonic. but the problem is, he really doesn't want to invest in a relationship, as some sort of defense mechanism (kind of like repression maybe?) i can't wait to find out more about his past and see exactly how it's correlating with his actions rn. I'm super hooked in your story lu! you never fail to deliver as always 💜

Anonymous said:I think jk is just as scared of what he feels for oc as oc is scared of what she feels for jk. Like I think oc already went through a ‘I need to protect myself from my feelings for him’ phase and I think jk is going through that now after their time at the hotel. I think he realized that he likes her a lot more than he realized and after coming back he’s trying to shut his feelings so he doesn’t go through whatever happened with his ex again

Anonymous said:JK said he hated hookup culture yet he partakes in it. My theory is that he might've done the same as OC has now done. Maybe had a sort of fwb relationship with his ex and subsequently fell for them, and they broke his heart. But again, idk if that's enough for someone to want to abstain from romantic relationships forever, though it does depend on the person. I'm probably wayyyy off but it's worth a shot :')

[loveinclined-archive]

worldbuilding : pyrrah

RE: THE ROYAL FAMILY OF PYRRAH & CASSANDRA’S TIME THERE

VICTORIA, THE KING OF PYRRAH, who ascended the throne at such a young age and after her terrible father was assassinated - he’d been unable to cope with capella’s closing and became making bad and cruel decisions. she managed to undo most of his work but is still faced with suspicion and criticism at every turn.

MITSY, THE PRINCESS OF PYRRAH, who appears sweet and silly but is actually pyrrah’s spymaster. she’s foiled more than one plot to overthrow her sister. is actually sweet and silly, but is aware of how it’s perceived and uses it to let people underestimate her so she can get close to them and get them to reveal things they normally wouldn’t.

FREDERICK, THE PYRRITE AUGUR, and the king’s lover. his clairvoyance works by seeing through his lover’s eyes, and therefore is the best equipped to protect her. ends up becoming a father figure to cassandra- a healthy one, that she really fucking needed after theon.

and KEANDRA, THE ADOPTED PRINCE, who is one of pyrrah’s brightest scholars. starting to work through all his guilt about his role in the destruction of capella, and has studied his inclination at length. when he finally is able to use his inclination- when he finally finds something to believe in, all that studying pays off- it takes only a few weeks to acclimated to the feeling of actually performing the techniques he’d been studying for seven years.

the main conflict on pyrrah is about people wanting to overthrow the monarchy, and cassandra having to figure out what she’s going to do. remember, revolutions and a complete overhaul of the government was the norm on capella. every few hundred years a revolution was practically expected. and not to mention the fact that cassandra’s mother was a revolutionary. but that’s not how things work on pyrrah- the monarchy had been in place for THOUSANDS of years, and yeah, of course there was shitty rulers- victoria and mitsy’s father among them- but…the great or even mediocre rulers outnumber the shitty ones.

this whole situation challenges a lot of cassandra’s ideal and beliefs about the government. she drags her feet in helping the royal family at first- something that strains her friendship with keandra for a while- since…she’s been brought up to believe that change & revolution is good! cassandra learns a lot from this experience, and her view of the world isn’t so black and white afterwards.

cassandra got her signature blue vest & a tie combo from her time on pyrrah. she was attending a ball there and since the pyrrite augur was wearing a suit, they all thought it’d be a nice symmetry for cassandra to wear one as well. she got complimented all night, and tbh? it was the first time she FELT beautiful since receiving her scar five years earlier

victoria came to dulcie’s funeral, since she and cassandra (and especially keandra) are very close, and cassandra tells her and frederick that thea KNEW that capella was going to be destroyed and said nothing. victoria is appalled and decrees that no future pyrrite augurs will be sent to thea to train. instead, she and frederick start to round up all the augurs they can find to form a council- which is what was in place before atlas fell and killed them all except for thea. cassandra is a member of this council, but she’s not active really. frederick’s really the only other augur she’s close to.

cassandra’s had a few flings with pyrrites, but no romantic relationships. pyrrites and other beings with extremely long lifespans typically don’t get involved in deep, meaningful relationships with capellans and other beings with comparatively short lifespans, mostly for that fear of loss.

so like, a short, purely sexual relationship? totally cool. romantic relationship? nooooooo.

so even if cassandra did have romantic feelings for them, they’d be unrequited or the other would be unwilling to act on or reveal their feelings.

i’ve decided to name them kriemhild and bertram. cassandra was in love with both of them, but only bertram returned her feelings. he never let on that he loved her though, because of the unspoken ‘rule’ that pyrrites don’t get into romantic relationships with beings with much shorter lifespans. for now we’re gonna focus on kriemhild though.

i’ve mentioned before that cassandra’s signature outfit of a tie and blue vest is really just a slightly more informal version of an outfit she wore to a ball on pyrrah, and that wearing that outfit made her feel pretty for the first time since receiving her scar. well, it was at this ball she met kriemhild. they talked for hours, and they flirted with each other all night (though cassandra was really a flustered mess through it, seeing as how this was her first time being flirted with). as everyone was leaving, kriemhild kissed her, and that was it for cassandra really.

a lot of her attraction to kriemhild really just boils down to the fact that cassandra was desperate to be loved and desired. while yes, she had her biggest support and dearest friend back in her life, she still wanted…well, she wanted proof that she was still (romantically) lovable. that after everything that happened on ioavis, and after what she’d done on capella, she wasn’t…broken in some way.

kriemhild made it explicitly clear that she was only attracted cassandra sexually and not romantically- she wasn’t leading cassandra on, thinking things would become romantic. cassandra understood this and agreed to the relationship anyway- again…she wanted to be desired too.

cassandra’s time on pyrrah was so, so good for her.

the royal family was the support system she needed but did not receive on ioavis, and they all let her grieve. even when things were chaotic and messy and they were fighting off ppl seeking to overthrow victoria, they all let her vent and express her emotions instead of doing what theon and forte did, which was basically saying “you can grieve later, there’s more pressing matters now”

cassandra was finally around one of the only people who could understand the guilt and despair she felt- it should be noted that the royal family does not know about what keandra and cassandra had done. having keandra back in her life- talking to him, grieving with him, sharing her doubts and guilt and knowing they could crawl into each other’s beds when the weight of their lost world began to crush their chests…it was so, so good for the both of them.

and then kriemhild and bertram. while the unrequited love she felt did mess with her, and give her doubts about whether anyone would be able to truly love her romantically, with them she felt beautiful and desirable. and it’s not like they were cold and callous towards her- the three of them were good friends, and like i’d mentioned, bertram did secretly return her feelings. if she’d stayed on pyrrah…eventually he would have confessed.

[system-architect]

Am i allowed 2 ask t4 for all of them.....

yOU ARE....... god............... T4 is a fun one to answer questions for because its a mixture of T4 headcanons and arkk himself headcanons

♥ - What does ‘love’ mean to them? hhJGKHD he’s...... Very Inexperienced with love so i think he’s still figuring that out............. the general concept of love is an exciting but very alien thing for him... i think he mostly just associates it w/ buzzy excited feelings and affection in general but still has yet to chew on deeper meanings

♠ - What are they afraid of? A Lot............................ god..... destabilizing, having his loop reset, never gettin out of Mists Hell Cage, and despite being aware that he’s an echo i think he’s still fearful he’ll like. never see his mom again or save her... i think he still wants that on some level

♦ - What is one thing about them that they are most proud of? he’s arkk.. he’s very proud of his Immense Intelligence and Immeasurable Genius and Undeniable Prowess........... additionally! weirdly proud of the innate stubbornness he inherited even if he won’t necessarily admit that he’s stubborn. but it’s gotten him through a lot of shit

♣ - What is one thing that they find embarrassing? (About them, others, things in general) t4/arkk is a Sore Fuckin Loser god i can see him turning beet red whenever tourists thwart him in fractals... and then lashin out with snark and overkill in reaction to his own embarrassment....... i think he also gets sort of embarrassed about his own shortcomings or moments where he’s more weak-willed than he wants to be... i think he goes through cycles where he flings himself at something pretty hard and doesn’t quite succeed and gets gloomy and embarrassed about it and then comes back to go at it again at least twice as hard

★ - Do they prefer daytime or nighttime and why? i think in general arkk prefers nighttime bc edgy BUT t4 just.. misses Both at this point. nightmare frac has no discernable time, his lab in SO is In Space and has no discernable time but glaring bright sun mismatched with The Void, and his and t3s chaos isles was and is day on one side and night on the other. the lack of flowing linear time and lack of proper solar/lunar cycles for sleep purposes is driving him really stir crazy by this point i think

☾- Are they prone to nightmares or dreamless sleep? both...... for reasons above and then also bc of anxiety/trauma/etc i think he often gets pretty terrible sleep and struggles with it a good bit

☼ - Something that/Someone who makes them happy. OH BOY all of the answers to this are Sappy.......... it’d take a lot to get him to openly admit it (yes) but t3 is definitely a.. welcomed presence and has helped him out a lot mentally and whatnot........ also simon is forever his beautiful lovely son and best pal whomst he is exceedingly protective of even though the simon in these boys’ canon belongs 2 t3.................... also, begrudgingly, he sort of enjoys the DDR-X’s presence. sort of. even though it’s a GIR-esque atrocity

☁ - If they’re caught out in the rain how do they react? im nnnot sure abt original arkk but i think at this point t4 wouldn’t wanna go inside honestly... he’d just. stand out there in it. he really misses Weather (the snowblind section of chaos isles doesn’t count)... i can see him finding rain very reassuring and soothing

♪ - Are they musically inclined? absolutely fuckin not

♫ - What kind of music do they enjoy? dubstep.. nightcore.. u kno... the works..

✓ - How do they react to praise? he’s absolutely fuckin thirsty for that sweet sweet praise and acknowledgement and gratification........................ he feels he Deserves it and acts that way all pompously at least outwardly but i think a bit more on the inside he gets a bit starry-eyed and just a tad.. like... ‘anime girl pushing her pinkies together’ esque............... he’s not gonna Admit That tho

✕ - How do they handle rejection? NOT WELL........... it definitely can depend on what the individual situation is but when it comes to stuff like “no, you can’t use inquest resources for that” “arkk no don’t rip a hole in the mists” “no you cant eat the last can of pringles” “hey no you shouldn’t attach that kind of laser to that kind of battery--” he has a very hard time taking no for an answer and is probably gonna get pissed and do what he wants to anyway and very aggressively do so in your face orrr slink off and do it behind ur back depending.. arkk/t4 does what arkk/t4 wants and thats the end of that

☺ - Do they prefer sour or sweet treats? i think he’s pretty blissfully neutral and will eat absolutely any junk food/candy you shove at him...... i can see him preferring slightly more sour stuff sometimes but that doesn’t mean he won’t stuff his face with chocolate either

❄ -  Favorite season and why? he just wants Any Season back........... tho im gonna say spring and autumn because that’s when u can get weather where u can wear a tank top outside without being too uncomfy in a binder and also Con Season u kno?????????????

☮ - Do they have an idol or someone they look up to? his mom is the obvious answer here!! but also.. he is indeed, unfortunately, a bit of a Scarlet Fanboy.. despite her wrecking shit and all that he can’t help but find her inventions super fascinating

❤ - Do they have a love interest? HMM

✖ - Who is someone they just cannot stand? gOD him and t3 sort of go at it constantly don’t they... but at the end of the day they’re Totally BFFs so i guess that doesn’t count huh...................................... i think rather than specific people he’s still always gonna be salty at Fractal Explorers Tourists.... regardless of them being hired by dessa or w/e... t4 in particular now too.. now that he’s aware that he’s actually a mists being/echo, on top of bein the son of the woman who literally created the fractals, he views the fractals and by extension the mists as sort of his Birthright almost... he really despises the tourists storming in and resetting other echoes’ loops and not allowing them to Live Out Their Lives and just.. causing endless pain over and over especially considering that fractal portal was originally established by the consortium who he undoubtedly loathes, presuming he’s aware of that............

♔ - Do they value loyalty? i think this is kinda hard to answer bc like.. who doesn’t??? i think arkk in general is a sort of lone wolf type who actually doesn’t generally like other people meddling in his work much and doesn’t quite enjoy having to rely on other people/have ppl be loyal 2 him, judging by his remarks at the brazen gladiator and about his.. probably inquest??? krewe in his journal entries and then ofc all the snark at the party during nightmare frac (though he had a lot of personal salt material involving batteries that motivated that).. i think he’s less of a “if ur loyal to me we’ll be Buddies and get things done together >:)” type and more of a “well i need you unfortunately so do what i say and do it well and we won’t have a problem and i guess i’ll owe you one, but stay out of my way after that” type..... he doesn’t enjoy involving other people in his plans and would rather do things himself especially to ensure it doesn’t get Mucked Up by someone else’s foolishness...... so i guess to that extent no he actually doesn’t ppparticularly value loyalty and won’t treat you special for adhering to his plans; for him adhering to his plans and then getting tf out is just the baseline performance you should be giving him

HOWEVER t4 is a bit of a special case because he does have t3 and despite all their bickering he values t3s cooperation a lot and is really optimistic about their partnership. i mean cmon.. TWO arkks! twice the brilliance! the ability to always be on the same page and not have to deal with the tragic shortsightedness and insurmountable ineptitude of not-arkk underlings! loyalty isn’t still quite a factor but he appreciates that they’re both on the same page on everything

♕ - Do they trust easily? hhghhrrhg no probably not...... he’s probably a bit bitter towards other people in general and closes himself off easily and doesn’t want them involved in his business

[pumpkinpie59]

rant thing idk:

someone decided to get nasty with me during a discussion about masaya on amino ...

them: His personality is unrealistic because they didn't give him any character flaws which is why to me he was not an interesting character

me: no character flaws? dislikes humanity, can get jealous, keeps his personal life a secret and therefore has few friends, etc. the only reason we don’t really see his main flaws is because the series is from ichgo’s pov so we see things how she sees them. she sees masaya as a kind and caring individual, so we don’t see all the nitty gritty stuff. also it’s been shown that he works rlly hard to be “perfect” bc that’s what people expect of him. he liked ichigo because he felt like he could be himself. sorry, but i do not see how he could be unrealistic or uninteresting :/

them: I don't remember him ever getting jealous always accepting ichigo's being late all the time ,he always protects her and senses when she is in danger , never one got mad at her, acts to perfect which if it is in her prove to , he would be just as manipulative as kisshu , he felt like he could be himself in front of her but yet he still tried to act perfect, therefore he was never his true self in front of her and realistically eventually he would get mad at her for being late all the time and would feel like she's not making an effort to show up despite his secret life , he despises humanity which would mean he would secretly despise her to, there for he had a motive for acting perfect so he was using her all the same

me: he gets pretty jealous in the manga many times. also he says he’s a bit jealous of ryou in the anime. protecting his gf is what he should do as a bf? he got mad at her in episode 4 since she was being secretive and ran off and he was rlly worried about her. he’s definitely not as manipulative as quiche. quiche forces her to do things she doesn’t want to do, while masaya lets her make her own decisions unless he feels uncomfortable (which is a very healthy thing to do in a relationship). if you watch the christmas episode, he admits to his secrets to her and from then on is able to be honest with her when he’s upset or uncomfortable. as for the last few sentences, where does it ever show that he’s mad at her for being late/not making an effort (which he knows isn’t true)??? he said himself that she’s helping him accept humanity and learn to love it. he wasn’t using her, he just saw something in her that he didn’t see in other people and admired her for it and eventually fell for her. that’s innocent and sweet and i don’t understand why you hate him.

them: But he wasn't honest from the very start and neither was she so that would be a toxic relationship. And you got to look at how both were raise I'm not saying it was right but he was raised as a soldier since he was young and properly taught to take everything by force but then you know what he realized his mistakes , I don't ever remember him openly admitting he was jealous of you and ad a boyfriend he also should let he be independent and not so clingy , how wasn't he using her if he was the vessel of deep blue ??and also remember when he turned into dark blue if his love was true enough he would have not at all and she was the first one he went to kill so he was also violent and no better then kisshu ,the problem I have was hes not an upfront and blunt character as kishu and atleast he admitted he was wrong and then he let her be happy though honestly he ended up going to England afterwards then left her alone to be a mew mew to fight by herself

me: okay 1, you started this discussion claiming that masaya was too perfect, and now you’re claiming that he’s toxic. you went back on your claim. 2, masaya wasn’t deep blue. he was his own person, but deep blue only created his body to later be his host body, but masaya was not deep blue himself. 3, masaya and ichigo went to england together. ichigo left him there to help the mews, and he missed her and came back to see her later. he tries to keep in touch as much as he can. and finally 4, not being honest right away is not toxic. they were in the testing phase of their relationship, and thus had to work up to an understanding that both could benefit from. he was able to give her her space so she could grow to accept him and vice versa. that’s healthy. yes, quiche learned, but he still has such a long way to go before he can have a healthy relationship. also, ichigo insisted so many times that he leave her alone. she is in love with masaya and he needs to respect that. even ryou respected that. i don’t hate quiche, but he’s not a great choice for her. at least not at his age. i really don’t want this to get nasty, especially given that i’m a curator and want this to be a safe and enjoyable community, so i would like to respectfully ask you to drop this.

them: You can seem perfect and be toxic it's called narcissism look it up , look in the manga he was his vessel which mean he is deep blue (...) Not being honest is being dishonest , your getting nasty because you don't respect my views and can't handle I have good points , but think what you want you even have in your profile you hate ppl that hate mayasa you must be extremely young and can't handle a good debate but w/e be immature because I have a different opinion and you can't handle it

then they blocked me.

so here’s the thing. i’m not sure if it’s because of my high school background of debate or whatever, but coming up with counter arguments is how debate works? i wasn’t trying to insult them or antagonize them. i was trying to have an intelligent conversation.

this is how i would’ve responded had they not blocked me:

“i wasn’t going to respond because i want this argument to end, but you’re choosing to insult me specifically. i’m 19 and have been active online for ten years now. i never said i hated people *who* dislike masaya. i said i dislike the fact that people hate masaya. completely different. having a good argument means being able to deconstruct a point and giving an alternate point clearly. i literally went to a classical school that taught how to debate. i may not be best at it, but i’m not inexperienced. i’m not trying to be nasty. i’m just trying to respond to your points with my own, which is how debate works. i really wish you’d stop this tho. you’re calling me disrespectful and yet you go and call me immature. this argument is pointless and at this point you’re being hurtful, which is itself a fallacy called ad hominem.”

some more things i wanna say just to get it out of my system: coming up with counterpoints is not disrespecting someone’s opinion. they can believe they have good points. that’s whatever. i believe i have good points. the whole point of a debate is to take an argument and analyze it. tbh i don’t think they were fully reading my points and instead came to conclusions.

“not being honest is being dishonest.” maybe in some cases, but i literally said they were in the early stages of a relationship. idk about anybody else, but say i had a toxic family life as a child. i wouldn’t tell a new partner that right off the bat. i would wait a bit before sharing something so personal so i know it’s safe with that person. same with masaya and ichigo.

“masaya is narcissistic.” i don’t even know how to argue against this because it’s such a ridiculous claim.

tbh tho i kinda wish i had been able to come to some middle ground in the end with a better understanding of each other’s opinions. i keep feeling like i made a wrong choice ... i dislike it when people assume things about me because i honestly want to get along with people. what did i do wrong?

i’m choosing not to tag this

[wannasoftimagine]

imagine park woojin as your classmate

project partners to dating partners :’)

(( AS REQUESTED // omg since ure a woojin stan can i get a request where y/n and woojin study in the same course after his wanna one activities (before he debuts in brand new music) and got closer after a project andddd you can write whatever after that LMAO :^) THANK YOU ))

okay so ure a fan of wanna one

who isnt tbh

and lucky u bc it turns out tht ure going to college w the one and only park woojin!!!!!!! (srsly tho what r the chances)

u forgot tht woojins age is kinda similar to urs bc he always acts like a tough guy on stage or a little kid off stage and u forget that hes a student like u

anyways

its a little weird to get used to seeing him in person after all the pictures n videos uve seen of him online

like?? hes a Real Person??? what a wild idea

and even tho ure both in the same college course, u try to keep ur distance

as much as ud like to befriend him, hes still an idol (even tho he hasnt debuted w brand new yet) and its rlly hard for u to start up a conversation w someone famous

also ure lowkey worried tht its going to ruin how much u admire him, and that actually talking to him will destroy how highly u view him

little do u kno hes seen u around campus before n thinks ure pretty cute

;))

okay but anyways

u make sure to stay out of his way bc the last thing u want is to bother him by asking for a signature or picture or smthn

u try and keep a minimum of like 10 yds between u at all times

(bc itd be even more embarrassing if u tripped right in front of him and that was the first thing he noticed abt u)

but lucky for u, life doesnt care what u have planned

bc its only a month into the semester and u already have a huge project assigned

of course, it’s a partner project

it might be okay if u were able to choose ur partners, but ur teacher insisted on trying to help everyone “bond w their classmates” so its all completely random

unfortunately for u, u get sick the day that ur teacher assigns partners

so u have no idea who ure paired up with

ure stuck asking some of ur classmates, but none of them rlly remember

everyone was a bit busy stressing out over their own partners tbh

and u keep asking around a bit, but u only know so many ppl in the class so eventually u kinda give up and hope ur partner isnt too bad

u settle on focusing on ur other classes, studying for future exams and reviewing ur notes in the library

even tho ure not sick anymore, u still feel a bit drowsy from all of the different medications u took and all of the work u were trying to catch up on

so. all excuses aside u fall asleep

prob not the best plan esp since some of ur things are balancing on the edge of ur desk

but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it rlly wants to sleep

ure having a rlly weird dream abt pirate monkeys when ure jolted awake by someone bumping into ur side

u look up to see someone sprinting away from u and like okay. thts a little weird

u try not to think abt it too much bc ure still kinda sleepy

so u settle on gathering ur things so u can head back to ur dorm and decide whether or not u want to study, sleep more, or find something to eat

as u collect everything, u notice a little post it note that hadnt been there before

in messy handwriting, it says “i didnt want to wake u but im ur partner for the partner project. im woojin and u can text me at [xxx-xxx-xxxx] whenever u want to meet up i hope u sleep well”

u realize that ur partner is prob the one u saw sprinting away from u earlier after he accidentally bumped into u lol

somehow u momentarily forget that ur partner is THE park woojin and ure like aw cool this woojin guy seems nice

then ure like WAIT A SECOND

ure highkey in shock and keep pinching urself to make sure its real

so u end up taking the rest of ur stuff back to ur room and wondering how u should text him

eventually u decide on a simple greeting and ur name, and u ask him when hes free

u have to send the text and then throw ur phone onto the floor bc U JUST TEXTED PARK WOOJIN ABT MEETING IN PERSON. GOD BLESS

ure suddenly super grateful abt every decision tht led u to this moment

anyways

ur phone buzzes on the floor so u scramble to pick it up

only to realize tht its a text from ur mom asking how ure doing

u text her back and tell her not to worry, then attempt to clean ur room a little instead of waiting for woojin to text u back

u just finish reorganizing ur closet when he texts u

its a quick text, smthn along the lines of “im free tmrw afternoon, do u want to meet by the cafeteria” so u agree quickly and hope u dont seem too desperate

and u KNOW its not a date

u guys havent even spoken to each other before so???

but ure still rlly nervous bc its WOOJIN and u want to impress him, even if ure just going to spend most of ur time talking abt boring coursework

u both settle on a time to meet and u pretend not to freak out

anyways skip to the next afternoon

u get there a bit early but ?? hes there already ??? ldsjks

and he looks Really Cute like hes wearing a sweater and ripped jeans and looking like complete boyfriend material wow ure p sure u can feel ur heart stop in ur chest

hes a bit awkward but uve heard abt how shy he is so u try not to take it personally

as soon as he sees u he blurts out tht u look nice and that is not helping the way tht this feels like a date

u guys end up moving to a bench in the shade bc its rlly nice out and this way ure able to talk freely without worrying abt being too loud

he explains the project a little, and u guys go back and forth offering up ideas

he always nods super enthusiastically whenever u suggest smthn and its honestly the cutest thing uve ever seen

its so weird for u to remember that this is the same guy uve seen videos of online bc what the heck

anyways

neither of u are extreme geniuses in the class, but ure both still pretty smart

ure pleased to find tht u guys complement each other well, w different areas of interest inside the same field

it helps ur project run a lot smoother than u thought it would, so u guys split up the work and agree to do as much as u can before u meet up again

ur conversations are still a bit stilted bc ure both still shy w each other, but overall u seem to get along well so ure happy

u text each other every once in awhile to talk abt the project or ask questions

u meet up a few more times in the next couple weeks but its all work and no business

still, over time u find urselves joking around with each other a little more, teasing each other and talking abt urselves instead of the project

of course, all things must come to an end

so all too soon, the day u submit the final project arrives

and ure a little worried tht woojin is going to disappear from ur life again

bc maybe he’s only been this nice to u bc hes just a sweet guy, but as soon as the project ends he wont care abt talking to u anymore

after all, its not like u guys meet up for meals or to hang out that often - even when ure just relaxing w each other, theres always some part of ur convo tht centers around the class

so as ure freaking out over this

he texts u asking if u want to come over to his dorm while he submits it

and mb u guys can just hang out afterwards?

obviously u agree and u cant stop smiling

when u show up at his dorm, hes wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and he looks adorable as heck when he invites u in

u guys sit on his bed as he loads all the stuff on his laptop and u try not to be hyperaware of the space between u two

woojins also screaming internally but somehow u dont notice the way he keeps staring at u out of the corner of his eye

u click the “submit” button together and HIS HANDS ARE SO GENTLE also theyre shaking a little???? huh

u assume its just bc hes Extra Nervous for the project but honestly? no hes just never been this close to u and hes freaking out

but anyways

u decide to go out to eat off campus afterwards to celebrate being done

a lot of the places have long waits or are too expensive so u just eat at a chikfila

its rlly casual but its fun and u guys argue abt whether chicken nuggets or chicken sandwiches r better and u cant help but think abt how much fun ure having w hiim

u end up blurting it out to him on accident and ure v v embarrassed

but he laughs and admits tht he rlly likes spending time w u too

so u promise each other to keep hanging out afterwards

it gets to the point where weeks later, ure still texting each other to complain abt classes or ask abt the other persons day

it still feels like a dream tbh

but u guys enjoy each others company whenever u can

most of the time u end up meeting each other at the cafeteria or studying together in the library, but u both just rlly like spending time w the other person

this routine continues for awhile and its prob the best part of ur life

but at one point ure trying to sneak up on woojin and surprise him when u see him talking to himself

as u creep forward, u realize tht hes actually on the phone, and he looks kinda stressed

it feels a bit invasive so ure looking around trying to find a place to go while he finishes up his phone call

but then u hear him say ur name so. consider u INTERESTED

and he keeps getting flustered and shutting down anything tht the other person says which is weird bc hes p shy, but hes never usually tht adamant and blushy abt something

eventually he tucks his phone away and lets out a Huge sigh so ure like,, hey u good

and he laughs it off but u can tell hes a little antsy, so u decide to tell him tht u overheard a little bit of him on the phone, and u ask him what it was about

he literally turns into a tomato its so funny u wish u had recorded it

but hes like “HOW MUCH DID U HEAR”

even tho u tell him u didnt hear much, he refuses to believe u and he spends the next few minutes pouting

u keep trying to get him to talk to u normally, but he refuses

finally he ends up grumbling smthn and ure like ???

and after a few half hearted efforts to repeat himself hes like “just tell me u dont like me back”

and. WHAT.

he pouts again and its so sos sosososoos o so cute u think ure going to combust honestly

“i kno u heard me tell him tht i like u!!!! just tell me u dont feel the same and leave me alone to cry”

and u have to reassure him tht u definitely didnt hear that BUT ALSO what???

n hes literally mortified when he realizes ure serious

but he has this rlly cute determined expression like “ok well now u kno i like u!!!!! y/n, please go out w me???”

n its like OF COURSE and u tell him tht u like him too and he keeps smiling and acting shy

honestly u both just make each other super happy

when u start dating, its not too diff from when u were friends, except now ure more affectionate w each other

both physically and with ur words

he loves hyping u up, and u feel the same

esp when he starts practicing more to debut w the rest of the bnm boys

u support the heck out of each other and can always count on the other person to be there for u when u need it the most

honestly its super soft and ure totally proud to be a lowkey campus couple even tho u have to keep ur relationship on the down low bc of dispatch

still u both care for each other a lot and u wouldnt trade what u have for the world

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE THREE

“this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off!” - nash

HOH: Nash UPSIDE DOWN: Joey & Saira NOMINEES: Brianna & Gina POV: Jacob FINAL NOMINEES: Emma & Gina EVICTED: Gina (11-1), Jake (WALK)

ARIA

https://youtu.be/SyHPQkbxxw8

JOEY

WATCH THIS AGE LIKE MILK:

I feel great!!!!! Nash winning means my ass aint going up, I gave her 2 tokens, and she gave me 1, and I feel fantastic heading into this week

SAIRA

i feel okay about nash being hoh, she wasn't my first choice but i don't think im in any danger of being nominated (hopefully haha) im not sure who i WOULD want to be nominated, i just know who i wouldn't want, so as long as they're okay i'm good!

JEV

I'm once again feeling pretty good this week. I've grown pretty close to Nash since nominating her in week 1 and she told me and Nathan we aren't going up so, there's that! She's told me Gina is going up and will be her target which I'm not thrilled about but hopefully Gina can pull some miracle and win POV. I'm a little worried about Emma and Jake too, as they've both said they haven't spoken to her much which is dumb, bc like hello??? its week 3, i feel esp with Jake, I can understand Emma bc Nash keeps leaving her on read but I don't think Jake has even tried much (crying emoji) So hopefully they can ALSO pull something out

JAKE

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate everyone in this game t b h. why can't people just follow with a plan and go through with it like it aint that hard to put your chips on one person from your alliance so youre all safe like........ i dont think these ppl understand strategy and it's TIRING. i frankly am over people relying on their friendships to get themselves through another week bc fucking nash won an alliance-based hoh comp. now we have to deal w this fucking friend group running the house another week. i don't know if i'm safe i'm honestly probably going to be put up??? even tho nash is the one that CONSTANTLY ignores my PMs even tho ive given her paragraphs to respond to... she's gonna do whatever her little friends want her to do. i mean that's what she literally said to me. i was like pls don't nom me <3 and she was like "im not making any promises im just doing whatever the house wants me to do" like girl............ lkjghklsdfjhg what kind of dumbass bullshit response was that. just tell me you're putting me up or you're not. youre a big girl you can make your own fucking decisions.

i give nash what i would give any hoh if they won and that is "i'd never ever nominate you it's never even crossed my mind" and hoping that's enough to make her wanna keep me. she might think im not going after her but, if she's smart, she'll send me out the door this week before i can retaliate. 

im super super worried that jacob will be like oh jev n jake aligned in BBHOS9 u should put them up together since jev nominated you week 1. like i feel like she'd do ANYTHING jacob tells her at this point cuz shes just another one of his sheep so like hoping im good w jacob but he's such a wildcard idfk

at this point im just hoping me or emma don't get put up and if we do there will be a veto to be won and a nash/jacob to come after next so...... period

ARIA

yall i feel so fucking cracked and tired of everything but itS FINE!!! I got this easy peasy!! Im not going to always feel motivated but im doing my best and thats valid baby!!! So lets jump in, first off lets start with a random information dump of things i've collected

-jacob has talked about me w/ nicholas during pasio

-monty and jacob have a connection ( i dont even remember how)

-nathan nash (maybe jacob) obviously tight lmao

-joey monty close

-Jake made a counter alliance to Jacob's (actually joshes) alliance made of me gina saira emma and josh

-josh emma me alliance

-JOEY RECORDS CALLS

-Jake is wary of nathan (but also thinks hes cute ugh)

-told jake im wary of pasio peeps so he might nom them

-Jacob alliance STILL isnt created

-called with josh and told him that jacob is wary that the alliance isnt made yet

-jacob josh have a pregame

-told josh, saira and nick have a pregame

-josh kiki close

-josh thinks saira is a social threat 

-josh prefers jev over nathan

-told monty to talk to jake more

-told joshua jacob is the most connected person

-got back to nash gina doesnt like her

-jacob kiki nash confirmed trio alliance

-nash told jev gina is the target (jev then told jake)

-josh thought jacob was the original maker of the alliance

-jake thinks jacob/josh are snakes

-jake also thinks jacob-josh-nash-kiki-bri-nick-nathan are an alliance

-josh wants to play the middle w/ me :uwu:

 So from here I want to get into how my ideal week will go and how it will realistically go. IDEALLY Nash noms jev and josh with them not winning veto and the house gets rid of a utr social threat but realistically its gonne be gina and jake with gina going bc she doesnt talk to anyone of have any motivation for this game (I LITERALLY WROTE HER A PARAGRAPH TO SEND TO NASH TO NOT BE NOMINATED AND SHE GOES "hmm idk maybe ill send it" LIKE????) 

Okay the other thing im freaking out about is bc i feel like theres tension between me Jacob Josh and Jake and im not sure what it is about. I mean i kinda do but im missing key components. The whole situation just doesn't sit right with me at all and I feel very at odds with them in a weird kinda way. I've explained this so many times but i have such a bad feeling that josh leaked the janelle alliance to jacob and is more with him than me and now josh is setting these two sides against each other and i just heard from him that nash isnt nomming him so now im really uncomfy ughhhh i have such a bad feeling and i really need to work on people like jev saira monty to make sure i have people behind me i can fall back on, but also im getting the vibe jake really really trusts me which is great because i want to go far with him as well, unless hes just misting me SUPER hard ughhh

god i just have such a bad feeling about this week buts its fINE totally fine ill work it out eventually,,,but now its trust ranking time yay

1.Gina (youre so inactive i adore you!)

2.Joshua (kid GANG!!! thank you for trusting me sometimes <3)

3.Jake (hes a crackhead but hes my crackhead)

VERY BIG GAP

4.Emma (shes chilling what a lovely gal)

5.Monty (better inactive than be active and a threat)

6.Nathan (youre kinda sketchy but hes like a funky older brother)

7.Josh (youre at the center of a balancing act i wonder if u can keep it up)

8.Nick (they always give such an honest vibe,,,,,i dont trust it)

9.Brianna (shes so sweet but the sweetest angels make the fiercest demons)

10.Jev(,,,,your on slightly thicker ice than joey but combined with a little more charisma)

ANOTHER GAP WOOT WOOT

11.Joey (youre on THIN fucking ice buddy,,,,please be more open w/ me)

12.Saira (im begging for u to talk game to me,,, but also since we havent talked u cant snake me yet)

13. Jacob (idk ily sm but youre so fcking connected and idk if i reached ur inner circle yet)

14. Kiki (my favorite furry)

15.Nash (please talk to me im begging ill do anything please plsease plaease plae-)

So update ive been talking around and wow this game loves looking at my allies and kicking them in the kneecaps while spitting in their eyes ugh. So nash is probably leaning towards nomming jake and Gina with gina as the target (really weird that jake is nommed makes me think jacob had some influence there) but in that scenario best case is that veto is used and anyone but josh goes up and that person leaves easy fucking peasy!! Anyway i just talked with josh and apparently jacob was the one who came up with the alliance idea which is interesting bc he tried to pin it on josh. Anyways not to totally contradict my initial rant but me and josh had a really good chat where we're kinda in the same position between two groups (the og alliance and janelle) and we dont know if we should make the og alliance and with who bc of janelle so we're struggling to see whats the correct move from here....or maybe josh is completely misting me but i fucking hope not ugh- either way im surviving this week and thats that!!

JEV

I'm realising that I'm getting myself into a pretty tight position since I have firm alliances with Emma & Jake and Nash & Nathan, as well as being extremely close to Josh C, which could prove difficult for me down the line, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

KIKI

https://youtu.be/6cn8xUFWqhA

BRIANNA

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XvZzg3dTEZ89VeFbG3bxk4JFNtr7Ixm0/view?usp=sharing 

i had to use google drive bc it wouldn't take my file on youtube :((((

JEV

So right now I've somehow accidentally wriggled my way into conspiring with Nash on how best to take Gina out, which is so dumb of me because I don't really want to see Gina leave this week, but at the same time I'm having to fight Nash's decision because she wants to put Emma up beside her and... I can't let that happen because I'm worried Emma would leave over Gina

JEV

So I'm speaking to Nash, taking the heat off of Emma by telling her I feel she could be a number for me/her/Nathan down the line, and now I'm pushing for Brianna to go up since Nash wants someone who 100% wouldn't leave over Gina and I'm thinking like... WHO would vote to evict Brianna, but at the same time I'm feeling super terrible about it because Brianna is a literal angel

JEV

Wow a lot going on so I'm trying to update as best I can, Nash is saying she's going to randomise for who goes to the upside down so I'm having to encourage her not to include me or Nathan in the randomisation just incase she needs us for strategising but REALLY its so I can stay and hang around and try my best to keep Emma from touching the block at all this week.

NASH

sorry for nominating women i didnt mean it.

EMMA

If i am being honest the more this game goes by i get so unmotivated and its only week 3 i suck because well in bbgames like galar and almia i mostly played from the bottom now im like alright i kinda want to fuck up my game for fun but kinda pisses me off a bit that i almost could of been nominated if it wasnt for jev but that pisses me off so much i tried talking to nash but i get left on read i dont take things 100x personal unless if somebody is being mean like laughing etc but knowing that i would be on the block over brianna when i did try talking to nash its still hurts a little but if somebody like gina wins veto if i get on the block it issss what it isss i guess but i played on the bottom way to many times maybe i can do this??

JEV

So my efforts worked and Brianna went up instead of Emma, now I've just gotta hope neither of the noms win POV/that the POV isn't used so I don't have to throw someone elses name out there to Nash :flushed:

JOSH

hello ladies and gays. straights aren't welcome here.

today, we are feeling GOOD because the person we nominated just a few days ago won power and STILL didn't nominate me. is that iconnery or what? i was honestly ready for my ass to be TOAST but i did approach nash before they won HOH and had a conversation about where we stood and they said i would be OKAY this week bc we did start talking. we love to see it, yes we do!

the nominees this week are gina and brianna and.. even though i'm in two different alliances with both of them, i'm not mad at either of them going up. i don't REALLY talk with either and i'd be happy to see either one of them go. the tricky part will be figuring out WHO to vote when the time comes, but we have a POV to happen before we get there. we'll SEE.

if i had to choose, i'd probably send brianna home simply because i find her a bit CHAOTIC where i feel like gina isn't really going to cause a lot of waves with me. she's much more quiet whereas brianna is more likely to be able to pick herself back up.

some other fun events going on:

jake was NOT happy about nash winning and thought he was going to get nominated because of it. he was about to RIP nash a new one and is really brewing with how much he hates them. MAKES ME LAUGH A LIL BECAUSE IT WAS SO UNWARRANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS, it's something to note that jake does NOT like nash.

i think aria is my number one right now bc we get along really well and have very similar opinions. i'm really open with how i talk to her so i'm HOPING she's not spilling everything i say to someone else but i don't think she WOULD? i dunno. i love her energy and i'm hoping we can SLICE AND DICE together in the middle.

my strategy is to take my HOH under my belt and take a step back for a minute while my two alliances (one: jake, aria, gina, emma, saira, me & two: jacob, aria, brianna, kiki, me) get picked off back and forth. i'm going to see if i can craft a narrative for them to go after each other but we'll SEE. there are a lot of people in the middle i enjoy a lot more than some of the people in my alliances so IDK. i feel like some people got thrown into these alliances that i did NOT want but they were kind of forced in so i don't trust it. and i think people KNOW because i'm not very chatty abt it in the chats (and i haven't even made one of the chats. am i supposed to? idk)

anyways that's all for now x 

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp71zzR-wgE

someone help

JAKE

https://voca.ro/g2ZQWs9x8du

JEV

Not miss Nash coming to me asking how I'd feel about being renom :flushed:

JEV

So I literally just woke up from a sleep and in the space of 30 minutes have had to talk Nash out of renomming me, Emma or Jake since we've just made an alliance together so I warned her that probably wouldn't work out for us in the long run. We narrowed it down and she shortlisted Aria, Josh C, Monty & Nick, and I have spun her to try and get her to nominate Aria, because 1. I don't wanna see Josh C go up and 2. like with Brianna I feel nobody here would vote to evict Aria, and Nash wants Gina GONE (crying emoji) so I feel this was the only logical renom to suggest.

JEV

The conversation has turned back to Emma and I just really don't wanna let that happen because I do feel like she'd leave over Gina. Part of me is saying not to stick my neck out too much to save Emma but at the same time she's my number 1 in this game and I hope she'd return the favour if she was in my position.

NASH

this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off! 

ARIA

Well,,,, FBSFJDF I feel like im making so many of these but honestly this game changes everyday so please dont be too annoyed by me uwu, the mood swing i had just this DAY was insane so lets begin w/ the general info-

IN TIME LINE ORDER

-Jev told jake that something about noms but acted dumb when I asked

-Gina/Joshua/Aria alliance created!!

-Saira and Josh are close

- VIDEO DR GOES HERE

-Jake spills Emma-Jev-Nathan-Nash-Jake alliance with Emma/Jev/Jake being a trio as well= Jev created the alliance

-Jev prefers gina out

-jake doesnt believe in screenshots or recording calls

-Jev and Jake are close

-Jev/Jacob/Jake all played together before

-I leaked Bri's backups to Jake as well as Jacob's trio with Nash and Kiki

-nash almost backdoored jev bc he wasnt responding to her

-jev was the reason i was almost otb

-I WAS ALMOST OTB

-Josh AND Jacob both want Jake out

-Bri thinks nash's comp ability is scary

-Nash and Nick are close 

-Jacob nervous about Bri's backup leaking

-Jacob barely talks w/ saira and monty

-made a final three w/ jacob josh called malibu

So now im debating whether its morally okay for me to analyze what happened in the living room in a game sense. FBSdffan So lets run down things in chronological order and I might mention my thoughts if they arent too controversial, Nathan leaks the alliance with jev/nash/jake/emma. Eventually emma says 'i wanna know who put these thoughts in the hohs head" and nick starts to shut the discussion down which is an interesting contrast to their earlier attitude where they were very for the drama continuing, which leads me to begin they had some sort of hand in it. Nathan goes on to say he likes nash on a personal lvl which jake analyzes as a nod to a friendgroup and a mini confrontation between nathan and jake occur. I believe that part was just a misunderstanding on both parties account. Then happy discussion until Jake calls nash out for being in the diary session for too long which leads to a discussion of house guests over analyzing production and using that as a strategy which is ultimately unfair and also at this time I believe nash was going through itTM leading to their friends to be slightly defensive on their behalf (which is valid) and i after rereading things i really hope that they're okay, ultimately this leads up to frustration on Jake's part and his ultimate quit. 

I mean where do i go from here? I have the Bri's angels but that did get leaked to Emma on Jake's way out so i need to figure some way to micromanage that where i think im gonna make a emma jev alliance and work with them as a trio in the future (if gina goes) but rn i feel like this force of energy that is Bri's backups is gonna body for a bit but i think theyre gonna throw hoh leading me jev or emma to step up and body a bit. Like i think i might actually win hoh and nom nash and monty with a nick potential renom bc im BORED and nash continuing to skate by without even talking to me is not valid, and monty is so not here its like??? HEWWO??? but idk thats making big moves i may just chill a bit for now but i dont want jev and emma being targeted in the future bc theyre gonna be numbers for me and thats on PEWIOD!

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L25lY813N1k&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=4&t=0s

[boatspeak]

Some of my favourite dramas from the past half a year, ranked: 

1. Because This is my First Life 

k-drama, 16 episodes, each 1 hour long

So sensitively and personally written. I was sucked into the storytelling and felt as though I was seeing these scenes through the eyes of the characters. Bravo to the scriptwriter; as I was watching it I felt, ah, she must have drawn from some intensely personal and important place. It was not a story anyone could have written. Because This is My First Life follows the stories of three BFFs as they experience, and grapple with, love and marriage. It does not shy away from the complicated sides of these issues - the societal, monetary and financial pressures that love and marriage cannot be separated from, the difficulties of communicating with others honestly yet sensitively. There are some frustratingly incorrigible people in the drama (like sexually harassing superiors), but most of the time the conflicts play out between good people who care for and support each other, yet inevitably butt heads because they have different - and equally valid - views of life. Is it wrong to want to marry and start a family? Is it wrong not to? It was painful at times, I think I cried for some of the characters. Not because they were pitiable, but because sometimes in life there is no right or wrong; you have to make tough choices and it hurts but you have to keep your eyes open and keep watching; keep walking. For the literature lovers out there, especially those who might be sick of gratuitous (often cheesy) quotes inserted randomly into dramas, well, good for you! Characters in Because This is My First Life read and are impacted by (real life) books, and you can see how the books they’ve read influence the way they think, act, and communicate with each other. It’s very realistic and mirrors the way you might consume and digest books in your own life outside of the drama. Oh, the PPL is also wonderfully done and actually contributes to character building.  8-9/10.

2. Raise de wa Chanto Shimasu (I’ll be serious in my next life)

j-drama, 12 episodes, each 1/2 an hour long

One woman, five sex friends. I know. I know it sounds messy and melodramatic and angsty. I hesitated for the same reasons as well. But when I finally got over it and watched the damn thing (very bingeable, totalling at only 6 hours), I regretted not watching it sooner. Raise wa Chanto Shimasu is a breath of fresh air. Most of the characters, whether hypersexual or asexual, are pretty unabashed about it, and I love their self-love. Want to have sex? Go for it, gurl. Don’t want to have sex? Also no problem. The title is an apt one and showcases this message of acceptance. We might have bones to pick with our current lifestyles, but welp, we’ll just be serious in our next lives. As one of the characters said at the end, “we all became independent, working adults, I think we should be proud of ourselves”.  Much needed affirmation in a world of moralising, slut-shaming, virgin-mocking, and expectations to get married and settle down.

Warning: one of the characters in a bi/gay relationship is pretty vocal in denying his sexuality even in front of his partner, and a trans woman was harrassed at one point. These were discomfiting for me. 

3. The Fiery Priest 

k-drama, 40 episodes, each 1/2 an hour long (or 20 hour-long episodes)

Action. Comedy. Kim Nam Gil, who won the Baeksang for this role. Honey Lee. Badass babe. Ahn Chang Hwan, who was so realistic at playing a Thai immigrant my friend who studied Korean for three years didn’t even realise he was Korean. Father Han. One reviewer said he was a literal angel, and I concur. Most dramas leave you with at most three or four characters you really like; this drama makes you fall in love with the whole gang. Everyone has a backstory, or some hidden side that you didn’t expect that just adds so much more dimension when revealed. Where some might find it hard to balance the weight of action and the levity of comedy, dipping too deeply into angst or farce at times, The Fiery Priest manages the tone really well even as the plot deepens and our characters have to deal with deep-seated traumas. I have nothing more to say to promote this drama except, how could you pass on Kim Nam Gil doing action plus comedy MINUS tragedy and the moustache? 

A final note: Technically, The Fiery Priest is a stronger drama than Raise and should deserve the no. 2 spot. The former deals with bigger issues like corruption, morality and forgiveness, while the latter is more light-hearted and deals almost entirely with personal choices. However, some issues Raise touched on were really important to me and came at a time when I really needed affirmation to believe in my beliefs, so it edged out The Fiery Priest in my heart. 

4. 传闻中的陈芊芊 (The Romance of Tiger and Rose) 

c-drama, 22 episodes, each about 45 minutes long

甜。This drama is just Sweet with a capital S. What a refreshing watch, especially for women. I loved not having tugging battles between two men. I loved the respect given to consent. I loved having so many smart and capable women who have conversations with each other that do not revolve around men. I love how the male lead wasn’t hung up on Male Ego and gave his wife space to be herself and make her own decisions and mistakes. A rare gem. I’m sure I will revisit this when I’m tired of the usual ドキドキ tactics involving possession and pulling around 

(If you can read Chinese, I suggest watching it on the 腾讯视频 app with 弹幕 on. I found it pretty hilarious, meaning I laugh-cried so hard in the middle of the night my neighbour knocked on my door to ask if I was ok.)   

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A quick rundown of the dramas and films I’ve watched so far in 2020 so you know the pool I picked these four from: 

Penguin Highway 

good watch. super cute. I cannot over-emphasise how cute the penguins were. It got me into a penguin phase and I’m not out of it even after 7 months...

ぼくは明日、昨日のきみとデートする (My Tomorrow, Your Yesterday) 

good watch. bittersweet.

わたしに××しなさい！(Watashi ni XX Shinasai/Missions of Love) movie and drama special

would pass on the movie (which cherry-picked from the manga but unfortunately left out a lot of important character developing scenes so the relationship didn’t make as much sense as it did in the manga)

but the drama special. Whew. I watched the drama special twice. It’s trashy good. Because it’s basically a spin-off to build hype for the movie, it doesn’t have to follow the plot of the manga, instead taking on the format of a (very cheesy) otome game. So you have all these ikemen saying clichéd toe-curling lines like “I am also a man you know” and getting stuck half-naked bReAthInG HeAviLy in cabinets together but instead of playing it seriously (as the movie would do because it’s supposed to make you feel like they are falling in love), the main character goes huh??? wtf are you saying?? at her otome game screen, which is so realistic and just cracks me up. definitely would rec. 

ごめんね青春！(Gomen ne Seishun/ Saving my Stupid Youth) 

hmmm. so-so? Leading lady Hikari Mitsushima is pretty, cool, and fits the bill of gap moe. Ryo Nishikido is also pretty believable (once you suspend your disbelief that somehow all his students think he looks dorky and are not gushing over his ikemen-ness). Unfortunately, relationship development between the otp happened too late and too suddenly. 

Он – драко́н (On Drakon/ He’s a Dragon/ I Am Dragon)

a pleasure to (re-)watch as always. Lovely visuals. 

Tokyo Ghoul: S

decent! Great performance from Shota Matsuda as the Gourmet. He’s definitely a draw-point for this movie - you can see him being featured heavily in the trailers. 

Strong Girl Do Bong Soon

great drama, would rec! 7-8/10. Points docked for all the digressing they did with monks and gangsters. I loved the otp’s dynamic, how healthy their relationship was. One line that struck me was, “Do you know how you’ve found the right person? When you see yourself in their eyes, you look happy”. It was a reminder that while these are obviously fictional characters, we can and should form relationships where our partners are as supportive of us (and us of them) as our dear otp, and not to settle for less. Also loved the fact that smol Bong Soon is so strong and no one can manhandle her >:-) 10/10 also to rookie actor Jang Mi Kwan, who was absolutely terrifying as the villain. How is he only a rookie??  

Because This is my First Life

see above

The Fiery Priest

see above

선덕여왕 (Great Queen Seon Deok)

hehe I watched it (again). As great as ever. Somehow cried more than I did the previous two times I watched it? Took me a week to get over one of the characters (even though I already went through all that heartbreak the first two times I watched this..) Sayang... Definitely has a special place in my heart. Available in full on youtube with subs. 

传闻中的陈芊芊 (Romance of Tiger and Rose)

see above

来世はちゃんとします (Raise de wa Chanto Shimasu) 

see above

覆面系ノイズ (Fukumenkei Noise/Anonymous Noise)

pretty good! Adapted from a manga but very film-like with its color-corrected shots, many cut-scenes to birds and crashing waves. Shison Jun was great in his intense scene, Ayami Nakajo has the most manga-looking face I’ve seen and Koseki Yuta is my bb as always hahaha he’s appeared in, like, four dramas on this list. 

博多弁の女の子はかわいいと思いませんか？(Don’t You Think Girls Who Talk in Hakata Dialect Are Cute?) 

YES!! I DO!! Wholesome drama packed to the brim with hometown (Hakata) pride). I also loved Okada Kenshi going around looking for Ramen shops hahaha. Now I want to see him host a food discovery show. 8/10. Would rec! 

帝一の國 (Teiichi no Kuni/Teiichi’s Country)

面白い 。Interesting watch! In which a bunch of high school boys in an elite school take their student council elections very seriously and attempts at political hijinks ensue. Suda Masaki and his pals somehow make over-the-top super seem natural. I don’t know how they do it, but it’s pretty good. Peppered with interesting reveals and counter-reveals along the way. 

男子高校生の日常 (Daily Lives of High School Boys)

I liked this! It delivers on what it’s supposed to. As a film, it is very film-like. The background is given a lot of weight in this film, and the director “shows, not tells”. The conversations of our characters are situated in the chatter of their schoolmates, you hear random snippets of conversations drift around, you see the school situated in the mountains, piles of decorations around the hall. This helps in conveying the “daily” nature of what happens in the film - not some life-changing adventure, but a warm high-school memory that is pretty like a paper star in a glass bottle. The boys are also very lovable and dorky in their high-school roles. 

ピーチガール (Peach Girl)

not bad. Typical shoujo manga adaptation storyline, even if the leading quartet do well in their roles. Nagano Mei was especially memorable for me out of the typical shoujo heroine roles I had previously seen her in. Inoo Kei also really looks like a boy from a manga. He has a lot of exaggerated actions, but he pulls them off really well. 

突然ですが明日結婚します (Totsuzen desu ga ashita kekkon shimasu/ It’s Sudden But Tomorrow We’re Getting Married/ Everyone’s Getting Married)

pretty decent. It’s not mind-blowing, but it’s definitely not bad. (Or you could flip it around and say it’s definitely not bad, but it’s not mind-blowing). 

ヲタクに恋は難しい  (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku)

disappointing. I really wanted to like this film for Takahata Mitsuki and Yamazaki Kento, but there were too many useless musical scenes. 

同期の桜 (Doki no Sakura / Our Dearest Sakura)

Hmmmmmm. About colleagues who become inspired in their work and lives because of their colleague Sakura. I wanted more love but that’s not the main point of the drama so it’s not their fault. It got a bit repetitive towards the end, and I felt there wasn’t enough character development. Another drama I really wanted to like more than I did, because I was looking forward to seeing Takahata Mitsuki, Ryusei Ryo and Mackenyu work together. 

Tokyo Coin Laundry

A mishmash of lost souls meet at a coin laundry. A short drama about running away, making choices, and moving on. Katayose Ryota might have been cool in My Brother Loves Me Too Much, but this was where I first saw him and I prefer him in this. I enjoyed this a lot and even drew a postcard based on this. 7/10. 

兄に愛されすぎて困ってます (My Brother Loves Me Too Much) drama and movie

ok don’t judge; I watched this because my friend said it was pretty good. Katayose Ryota IS pretty cool in this, and Tsuchiya Tao brings to life the quintessential image of the Japanese girl, but if you’re watching this for “so cheesy it’s actually good” I would point you to the Watashi ni XX Shinasai drama special instead. If you do want to watch this though, you should watch the drama before the movie, because they are not standalone. 

Nodame Cantabile

What can I say? Classics are classics. 8/10, would rec. This is my first time seeing Ueno Juri acting, and she’s so believable as quirky Nodame I wondered if this was her actual personality. Straight out of a manga. There was potential for messy love-drama, but this drama took the high road and focused on proper character development instead. Thumbs up! They also did really well in “showing not telling” us the OTP’s relationship development. Rather than declarations of love, you can see it in the little caring gestures and almost subconscious smiles. I liked that too. Though maybe I’ll dock a point for how they treated gay expressions of love - “he’s a man you know” and icky faces - and how much casual manhandling there was against Nodame (exaggerated flying punches... maybe that’s how the manga wrote it?)