#how many love letters do we need to send for this to happen? ahaha at least we will always have the modding community <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[drabsyo]

been thinking about that post war, first rain in ranoch kiss with tali and femshep ❤

[m1ckeyb3rry]

SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING LATE I like slept through the past two days oops we anyways…

OOOOOOH that couples costume would be so cute!!!! Wait yuki WOULD definitely eat that up now we’ve fully established yukimira along with tabimira and miraeita wait on that note yukimira flows so well….its also only like one letter off from his actual name which makes sense LOL but truly meant to be

Crying born to be chronically online forced to touch grass but omg FEEL BETTER ngl I haven’t been feeling the best either maybe we’re just linked up like that….but in my head I’m imagining it being like a race between all your fics and which will finish first LMAO (specifically if you’ve seen those TikToks comparing like manga sales or like music streams and it’s like a moving bar chart kinda)

NO FRRRR cmon we just got the yuki nagi rin dorm additional time give us the Karasu Shidou otoya one please…..wait that’s genius if we get the “day before the match” compilation additional time PLEASE 8BIT PLEASEEE that would actually be such a smart way to do it!!! I can imagine they can format it kinda like that one s1 AT where they went through a day in the life at bllk showing the routine and all of team z soooo it’s time to Mira manifest this

Sae being red bean pink has me cackling you don’t even know but we’ve def talked abt this more too but fr where are the red themed characters….why are they allergic to it…….we have so many variations of pink and blue what happened??? Literally left out an entire primary color like

This is still so funny to me you really took “for the plot!” Literally LMAOOOO it’s funny how you word it like the otoya bfb is short LMFOASJA and I mean relatively next to karasus yet but that just had me thinking yk LOL but so true!! I like how you keep the wc flexible to match the plot rather than restrict it because then that can make pacing awk and I know some people do it to save time but I just find it more enjoyable when it’s not restrained like that

Wait that’s so true…..imagine if they did kyoani would be unstoppable…actually I wonder if it’s because they take their time and effort into making it quality that they don’t get signed to the ones with super fan bases so that they can churn out the anime production out super fast to boost sales and whatnot ugh (LMAOO honestly almost every work has its sus moments unfortunately I’ve learned to kinda just filter it out atp if it’s not something super egregious)

HASHAHAH Rin not knowing only he got hit by Shidou and thinking everyone else must be here too is actually hilarious wait imagine if he thinks since he’s in yukis body yuki must be in his doppelgänger and he just spends an embarrassing amount of time looking for himself/yuki trying to figure out why he didn’t get transported into his own body im crying and YUKI KARASU BEEF AGAIN LMAOOO it’s not a miraverse work without that one sided beef

The aegislash arc is actually so original and hilarious your mind is truly a different breed for that I can’t wait to read that arc LMAOO

OMG IKR??? 8BIT did yuki WONDERS he’s GORGEOUS???? Also wait is it just me I thought the animation looked a little bit smoother this time too (Karasu mistreatment smh need some justice for our king) ok but also the additional time yuki was SO. FINE??? Apparently 8BIT loves eitaken

WAITTTT HOW DID WE NOT THINK OF YUKI SHDHSKSH we did him dirty ok but if you actually do decide to repurpose that fic….yukis time to shine….after your reqs and pursuit and oaeu….

AUAHSHA HAPPY TO BE OF SERVICE O777 im ngl i think you’re one of the first writers I’ve actually sent a req to before that i fr was exclusively a lurker but im so glad i decided to send that in LMAOO

- Karasu anon

AHAHA NO WORRIESSS i also took a second to respond i’m sorry LMAO i’ve been busy with some blog maintenance (aka coming up with character specific masterlists because i was about to run out of links on my main masterlist and i just wanted to make the specific masterlists before it got too overwhelming…as it is it took me a while to do)

yukimira is such a perfect ship name HAHAHA we have been meant to be since the start basically…no because him in the revenge of the sith anakin costume would EATTT the hair and everything is so perfect he would look amazing literally number one couple’s costume oat for number one couple oat /j omg wait what would the miraeita costume be…LOWKEY HEAR ME OUT shriek and fiona SDKLJFHSDKHJ i think he would eat that up i haven’t actually watched shrek but i just think that he would find that funny (or lowkey he would probably make us go as naruto characters or smth but i haven’t watched naruto either so i couldn’t tell you who) also i was thinking you know what would be a hilarious nagimira costume is gojo and geto because i have dark hair so i could be geto pretty easily and all nagi would have to do would be wear a pair of glasses and black clothes to be gojo so he would definitely be okay with it SKLDJHFS it would be perfect actually

LMAOOOO PLEASE we’re so synced up that we even get sick at the same time i love that for us…please that’s literally the feeling i have rn like i have no idea what’s going to get posted atp it’s torturous ugh but hopefully something soon…hopefully…

YEAHH and we also had the “anri daily schedule” one so there’s def a precedent for that kind of thing we could def get smth like that!! pls i wonder if next episode is the one shidou gets electrocuted (insane sentence to be about a soccer animanga) because if it is we’ll probably get a shidou centric additional time but we could def have otoya and karasu featuring in it!! kinda like how rin featured in the yukinagi one

SAE’S HAIR REMINDS ME OF KIDNEY BEANS SORRYYYY LMAOAOA but yeah i think we have mentioned it before i guess maybe they want to make barou really stand out?? can’t say i’m complaining i do kinda love how distinctive barou’s aura is compared to everyone else it fits with his personality…like there’s no guesswork when he comes on the field you see the red and hear the lion and it’s like yup barou is here to fuck shit up

KSDJHFSDKJ okay the otoya version isn’t SHORT but it is a third of the length of karasu’s version so comparatively it is…yeah i try to let the plot drive my word count (as well as the characters in the sense that a character like kaiser will need a higher word count to feel believable being in love whereas isagi you can write as a simp and it’s like yeah ok he’s just like that) i think the only time i’ve cut myself off is the kiyora one shot i did?? mostly because i didn’t want to keep writing when i wasn’t sure if that was what they wanted from me given that it was a request and i had no idea if i was writing kiyora right (speaking of which though i recently followed someone back and saw an ask on their page that they had answered back in september of someone recommending my kiyora fic to them because they wanted to read a kiyora fic and according to the anon mine captured his character really well i was fr blushing and shit when i saw that LMAOAOA like awww me 🥹⁉️ i was literally just making it up too because i wrote the whole thing before he came out in pwc so it was like doubly validating

i do think that’s a part of it like they’re not trying to please people or go on crazy deadlines so they can focus on quality over quantity SKFHS but agreed almost everything has sus stuff at this point i also just filter it out mentally as long as it’s not horrible (i refuse to watch shows where the women are drawn rlly weird though like i won’t ever watch one piece because WHY are the girls drawn like that)

THE YUKI KARASU ONE SIDED BEEF IS SO FUNNY TO ME i think it’s crazy how it always naturally pops up in all of my work but there’s lowkey zero canon basis?? in the sense that they’re buddies in the show karasu has ZERO beef with him…okay wait this is kinda unrelated but smth that i just thought of is like why IS otoya karasu’s duo partner?? i feel like yukimiya fits way better with him when you look at them objectively and even in terms of play styles the two of them would probably have really good chemistry…anyways obviously i understand tabieita but now i’m like huh i can’t believe karasu isn’t better friends with yuki 🤔 we hardly ever see them interacting i feel like it’s kinda implied that yukimiya was doing his own thing even when he joined them in the second selection (plus he was probably the last to join them knowing him) and even during/after third selection he doesn’t really talk to karasu or otoya at ALL…in shibuya we see him hanging out with isagi and reo more?? and for some reason karasu is with nagi the most??? very random anyways no idea why it’s like that but okay here’s two alternate trios i’d propose: tabishoken (karasu barou yukimiya) and bachira + shidou + otoya (can’t think of a good name for them) i think the vibes there are way more congruent somehow…toss reo in with the first group and give the second group like aryu or smth and you have some MAGICAL combos imo

THE AEGISLASH ARC IS SO INSANE ACTUALLY like when you think about it why are nagi and y/n in their hollyhock rin itoshi era just randomly in the middle of a pokémon fic LMAOOO people might be confused but it happens so late in pursuit that atp they’ll be too invested to leave

ADDITIONAL TIME YUKI WAS SO GORGEOUS actually yukimiya in general definitely stole the show (and GOOD FOR HIM glad to have smth to distract from the typical nagireo bs going on) i do think the animation was better also speaking of which can we discuss igaguri’s random rin fantasy?? AND SHIDOU TOO omg idk why but shidou yelling at igaguri who was in the middle of daydreaming about rin lowkey made me LOVE HIM like he’s so funny (more in an aiku way though and i mean aiku in the early days of the oaeu not aiku now…like he’s a problematic ride-or-die bestie to me who beats up the men that bother me not a character i’m interested in ☝🏻 he sets me up with his magnificent glorious pxg teammate karasu…i tolerate sae long enough to drop in a good word about shidou…that kind of vibe yk)

YUKIMIYA IS LITERALLY PERFECT FOR IT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE DIDN’T THINK OF HIM the build he has (plus one v one emperor is so knightly like i said) the devotion and seriousness/maturity but also the lowkey sass?? if i repurpose the fic he’ll be replacing a slightly older/more mature megumi and honestly i think he could pull it off very very well probably better than anyone else in bllk 😩 barou could replace todo who’s another guard (i’ve always said they’re congruent), otoya could replace duke inumaki, karasu could replace yuta (yet another guard) uhhh chris prince could replace prince gojo?? LMAO haha get it…prince…anyways yeah if only i didn’t have sm on my plate the way that that list doesn’t even include hollyhock and peregrine #rip

AWWW I’M GLAD I COULD FREE YOU FROM LURKER STATUS AS WELL no fr i’m so happy you decided to send that req in who would’ve thought we’d end up talking so much just based on that 😭 truly the gift that keeps on giving

[binniesthighs]

what you heard | reader x changjin

a/n: hi. its missing changjin hours also now I am addicted to poly r/ship fics so here is what my brain came up with hehe (pic creds to OPs!) 

what you heard | reader x changjin 

Pairing: self insert, hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader x seo changbin 

Genre: smut w/ fluffy tones 

Tags: poly r/ship, comfort fic, outdoors sex, friends to lovers, discovery of feelings, idiots in love, with a lil bit of comedy, college au, teehee switch!changbin, switch!hyunjin, switch!reader, they’re all kinda fighting for dominance muhaha (its those bestie vibes ahaha), bratty behavior on all sides, jinnie kinda flips a switch when he gets in the mood (hehe pun intended), spitroasing (r), unprotected sex (stay safe!), sex under the stars hehe, penetration and fingering (r), oral (r & m), face fucking, cumshot, cum eating, that good, good makin’ out, soft and intimate body touching hell yeah, fluffy ending

Word count: 6.8k 

Recommended listening: what you heard by Sonder 

If there was something that you and your two bestfriends were the best at, it was getting your heart broken. 

Hopeless romantics you all were, in one way or another. In fact, it would take even more than your set of three hands to count the number of times that the three of you had come over with a broken heart, seeking ice cream, hugs, or plates to break. 

Changbin was the kind to fall in love slowly, but when he did, it consumed him, and everything that he was. He would become convinced that there was no one better for him in the whole world. He would spend sleepless night writing songs and poetry about those who would occupy his mind. Changbin would write love letter after love letter to never send them, or to have them crinkled into papery balls, and slam-dunked into his waste bin. He would often joke that he was ready to love someone, but he just didn’t quite know how to. Under it all, you and Hyunjin knew that he must’ve been scared if they didn’t love him back. 

Hyunjin fell in love with people at the drop of a hat. It was his “fatal flaw” as he liked to to joke about too. The gorgeous blond man would fall in love over hearts scribbled on coffee cups, smiles in passing, and compliments on days when he had caught the bus late. This man was the kind to sing love songs loudly in the shower no matter who heard him, and would often have a new crush by the week. Unlike Changbin, he had no fear when it came to confessing, but had even worse luck getting someone to take his words seriously. Hyunjin had too much love to give, and never received enough back. 

You, on the other hand, delayed love for as long as you could, no matter how much that you would dream of it. Love came to you in the forms of movies and books, fictional characters and song lyrics. You wrote about the love you had to give in countless journals and on the back of sticky-notes that had been used on the front-side. Love was more of an abstract concept to you. It was never something that you could touch but rather dream about. However, while this wasn’t the worst way to view it all, you still thirsted for something more. A hand to hold, a warm body to tangle up in the sheets with you. 

On this day in particular, you and your friends had gathered for a meeting: your “Unofficial Lonely Hearts Club” as you called it. You couldn’t recall who had called the meeting after the long week that you had, but it was likely what each of you had needed. 

These nights would often start the same: the three of you shoved into Changbin’s pickup, windows down, night air in your lungs, some song on the stereo that Changbin had been into these days. The three of you lived in the typical college city nestled into the side of some mountainside--a stark contrast to where you had come from before. It was the kind of place where people went to forget about who they were before to become new people. For some reason, some crazy fraction of the people who moved there, never left. 

First chance you got, you would move the hell out of there: a place full of so much heartbreak and disappointment…who could dare to stay? 

Hyunjin stuck his hand out the window, making little waves with his palm in the wind. You wondered what he had been thinking of that night; if he was sad or if he was happy. After knowing him for nearly four years now, you knew there was nothing in the world that he deserved more than to feel all the warmth that he had conveyed to others. It was a crime that he never got it back. 

Changbin’s free arm held to the handle above the car door frame, and he flexed and relaxed his muscles as he hung his fingers there. You too wondered what thoughts floated on his mind: if he was making up lyrics or if he was putting together some grad story or gesture only for it to never see the light of day. He too deserved all the love the world could offer. 

Changbin’s car sped up the dirt road to the lookout spot where kids would go to get drunk, high, or possibly both. It was a dreary and empty Wednesday evening, and secretly you hoped that no other rambunctious students would be there to shatter bottles on the craggy rocks. His headlights lit the path ahead, and the car bounced on the rough road with dusty orange rocks. The higher you got to the mountainside, the more static-y the stereo would buzz until soon all that was left were broken lyrics. 

There was one spot you liked particularly: it was a ledge that would jut out horizontally, giving a clear view to the whole of the land below: you would see the white lights from the nearby hospital, and the stadium lights from that god-awful football stadium that had sucked up your student loans. Further, you could see river on the edge of the city-line, and how it would ripple in dark blue sparkles under the moonlight. 

Your two best friends would grab the blankets that were habitually kept in the backseat made of scratchy wool, but this only made them warmer. Changbin also kept a couple camping lamps in his car to light up the dark space of his cargo bed. The weight of your bodies would shake the space and make the car bounce a bit on its wheels when the three of you would cuddle up between eachother to take in the scene. 

On nights like tonight, neither of you would say much, but just look out and feel it all. There was a kind of beauty in the simplicity of the way that everything seemed so still up there, or how time had appeared to stop somewhat. If you were lucky, you could hear the hoot of an owl, or some other critter rustling in the bushes. 

Hyunjin was always the one to sit in the middle, and he would take turns resting his head upon your shoulder or Changbin’s sighing deeply into how they would rise and fall. You hugged your knees to yourself and wondered how many more times you would come up here with them, or if after graduation, it would happen at all. It was painful to consider, but you even wondered if they would be in your life at all after everything ended. 

“I’m sick of being lonely.” Hyunjin said into the cold air. He shifted, looking both you and your other friend in the eyes. “Its depressing and exhausting.” 

“What are you talking bout ‘Jin?” Changbin threw his hoodie over his head.

“I mean moping about people who don’t ever feel the same...feeling sad when it doesn’t go my way...I’m sick of it!! I just wanna like, give up!! Would it be so hard for me to just like, stop feeling??” 

“Oh Jinnie...don’t be ridiculous. You can’t just stop falling in love with people. It’s impossible. Not just for you but...” You exhaled out, “...for all of us.” 

“Yeeeah, I don’t think that you have much control over that.” Changbin agreed. 

“No, seriously!! It’s shit!!” 

You wrapped your arms around him lovingly, nuzzling into his shoulder to sooth him, “I know, I know.” 

“Aren’t you guys sick of it?? The three of us must be cursed or something.” 

Changbin laughed out his little trademark chuckle and ruffled up his friends blond locks. “You’re being dramatic again Hyunjin. It’s not that bad.” 

“Psh! Says you who hasn’t gone on a date in months!” 

“Hey!!” 

You flicked both of your friends on the sides of their heads. “Cut it out, will you? We came up here to relax and forget all that stuff, remember?” 

Hyunjin gave out a sign in his exasperation, turning to fiddle with his little Bluetooth speaker that had definitely seen better days. The last crickets of the season chirped in the early fall air, and the little device booted up with the tiny ringtone that you knew well. 

“Anything we want to listen to in particular?” 

“Whatever you feel like Jinnie.” 

The little blue-white light of his phone illuminated his face, and Hyunjin picked a song that you had likely heard dozens of times before. It was from that artist that he had adored to bits, but only really listened to when he was feeling down. 

“Oh Jinnie.” You hushed, then wrapped your arm around his wide shoulder. “No one deserves you.” 

Changbin let his head fall on the other boy’s shoulder too. When the three of you were close like this with your body heat shared between you, it was cozier than anything imaginable. While you and your two friends weren’t the most touchy of people, there were still times when you could huddle up, and it was no secret that it felt safer than anything. 

Hyunjin chuckled a bit, causing his shoulders to shake. “You know what they say in those movies about people who can’t find love after long?” 

“What’s that?” 

“They say, “By the time that we turn thirty, if neither of us have found love, lets just marry eachother.”” 

Changbin scoffed, “And you’re bringing this up why?” 

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t be the most ridiculous idea if the three of us decided to do that, right? Seeing how the current trend is going?” 

You exchanged adoring and teasing glances with Changbin over your adorably naïve friend. 

“I think you’re missing something out of that equation Jin.” 

His doe-eyes widened, “What’s that?” 

“In all of those movies, it was usually two people who made that promise.” 

“Two people, three people, what does it matter? As of right now, its looking like the only people that we’ve got is eachother.” 

Hyunjin stretched out his hands into his sweater paws and made a little squeak when he cracked his back. 

“What do you say?”

“Hm.” Changbin cleared his throat, “So you’re being serious?” 

“What’s so crazy about it?” Convinced as ever, he counted out the points on his fingers, “We could all live together like we’ve always talked about, we’ll never be lonely and have someone to do things with, we don’t have to be second guessing ever, waiting for someone to call us back...we all already know eachother really well so there will be no surprises...” 

“Oh, so you are being serious about it then?” You ruffled his hair up a bit, just to get a rise out of him like it usually would. 

“I mean...it’s not like it would be hard...right?” 

Changbin sucked at his teeth, “Mm. I guess not.” 

“But isn’t a marriage supposed to be like, having kids, being in love, being...partners?” You added. 

Hyunjin stammered with frantic hands, “W-well, we don’t have to do everything!! Marriage is so conventional these days, we don’t have to follow all the rules, especially since there will be the three of us anyway.” 

Changbin sighed, casting his head up to the ocean-blue sky dotted with silvery constellations and the red blinking lights of airplanes overhead. 

“You’re still forgetting something Jinnie.” 

The blond tiled his head. 

“The part about being in love?” 

The tallest boy shied his hair behind his ear, then tucked his chin into one of the blankets. 

“I mean...I know that I love you guys. I wouldn’t mind spending the time...” 

Your chest buzzed with warmth hearing your friend say it for the first time. It previously had been somewhat of an unspoken phrase between the three of you, but now that he had said it out loud, it felt even more real. 

“Awww, I love you too Jinnie.” 

Changbin scoffed once more and picked with the fraying ends of the blanket. “I guess I do too.” 

The cargo bed grew silent while the three of you chewed on the idea. The longer you thought about it, it started to make sense bit by bit. After all, through all the confusion and the broken hearts, ice cream and broken plates, your little group understood each other better than most. When there were tears to dry, each of you knew exactly what to do. You had loved them all along, you always had. 

“I really love you guys...I think.” Hyunjin finally said, and linked his arms with yours and the other man’s. 

“What are you doing getting all cheesy for, huh?” Changbin nudged him with a smirk. 

“I don’t know, I guess I just never really thought about it like that before.” 

“Like what?” 

“Out of all the people that I’ve “loved” I don’t think that I’ve ever loved them like I have with you both.” 

“What do you mean?” Under the swath of blankets, your knee nudged against his, and he jumped a bit from the feeling. 

Both you and Changbin looked at him attentively and how his lip quivered, and soft eyes glistened from the glow of the lanterns. 

“M-maybe all along...I’ve been in love with you?” 

“Like, in love, in love?” 

“I don’t know...maybe?” He rubbed his eyes like he would’ve had they been lured with sleep. “Maybe I’m just, making things up...I don’t know. It’s getting late.” He laughed out with a tentative breath, “I’m saying things that don’t make sense.”  

Changbin looked out at the stretch of city lights as if he was contemplating the idea himself. 

“I guess that it wouldn’t be impossible.” He said blankly. 

“What!?” You tried to look at both of your best friends as seriously as you could. While your heart started racing, it was as if it was against your will. 

“It’s kinda funny,” Changbin began, “The three of us always complain about how love never really comes our way when we’ve already got it...right here.” 

Logically speaking, it made sense. You and your two best friends really did know eachother better than anyone else ever had. When you had met as scared little 1st years without a clue in the world how to be your own people. You had figured it all out together. The ways that you had showed love to each other had been a bit different--but it was still all the same. If you were to have not met them all those years ago, your life would’ve been drastically different. You couldn’t even picture it. 

Perhaps in all of your little rambles in journals and daydreams, was what you were looking for...them?

“Maybe we were just looking in the wrong place?” You offered, and both of them shrugged. 

“It’s possible.” Hyunjin pulled both of your arms closer to him, and rubbed his cheek into the top of your head, then Changbin’s dark curls. He giggled out, tackling the two of you to lay flat on the cargo bed. It crinkled with a plastic sounding thud, then he wrapped his legs up in both of yours the best that he could. 

Under his arm, you choked a little from his tight grasp, but you eventually let yourself mold into the curves of his body and soak up his warmth. The scratchy wool tickled at your cold fingers, and you soon felt Changbin’s hand come searching for you under the blanket too. It was a bit startling at first, but he reached out to hold your arm, then rubbed small circles into it with his thumb where you rested them on Hyunjin’s chest. 

It was as if he was a bit delirious, but Hyunjin chortled with laugher until he had lost his breath, and his lyrical sounding voice bounced off the cavern of the mountain and echoed up into space. 

“Why do I...weirdly...kinda...wanna make out with you guys right now?” 

Changbin pinched his friend with a teasing grin, “You mean it?” 

Hyunjin pouted with his plush pink lips, “I thought we all just agreed that we were in love with eachother??” 

“Jinnie...” You settled your head into the crook of his neck, right by his collarbones. 

“Damn. Glad I’m not the only one.” Changbin bit a smirk into his lip, then propped himself up on his forearm to gain better ground on you and the other man. 

Your fluttering heart beat it’s way up your throat and into your ears, and your two friends looked at you expectantly. 

“O-outside? Right now?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Why not?” Changbin traced his thumb and index under Hyunjin’s smooth jaw. 

“Aha! So you admit that you want to too!!” Hyunjin beamed and tugged at the sleeves of your own hoodie. 

“I-I didn’t say that...” 

Hyunjin leaned over on his side to face you. “Y/n, how about lets make a deal. We try it out, see how it feels, if it feels weird, we stop and pretend it never happened?” 

“I don’t know Jinnie...this seems pretty friendship ending to me.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Changbin said with a sly grin. 

The tallest boy pleaded to you with nearly needy eyes. “I think that it would feel nice? Besides...none of us have really...felt that...in a while.” 

Changbin’s creeping hands came surveying over Hyunjin’s deep green pullover, and the other boy shivered out a little feeling the touch. 

Hyunjin’s own curious hands reached out to hold both sides of your face gingerly with pink fingertips. 

“I know that I’d like to kiss you...if you’ll let me?” 

Both of your friends waited for you as you took turns checking with both of them. The whole prospect was unimaginable, but now...with both of them in front of you, both more real than anything you could have ever thought up, it started to make all the sense in the world. 

“What do you say?” Hyunjin asked with a dreamy air. It was chilly on that early fall evening, so he tucked up the blankets even higher. It was a simple gesture, but still held multitudes of his care. 

“It doesn’t hurt to try...” 

You felt your face pulled closer to his, and all at once his warmth flooded your lips. It was a strange feeling your friend’s lips on yours like this, but while it was new, it was comfortable. Your friend relaxed himself over you, smiling with the corners of his mouth, and slowly sucking at your lower lip like he didn’t want to startle you with anything too fast. His glossy lips stuck with his favored strawberry flavored Chapstick, and you only wanted to taste more. He hummed with a little happy sound, and his larger hands nearly covered your whole face where he helped tilt your head a little so that he could gift deeper kisses to it. 

Beside him, Changbin shook with a sigh watching the two of you, a different kind of passion growing within him seeing the two of the people that he loved most do something like this. He was a bit unsure at first, but he tucked back his friend’s blonde edges to free the skin of his neck, then sucked little kisses there too. He to was careful, and didn’t want to leave marks, but rather feel the way that Hyunjin’s skin dotted with goosebumps from the feeling and then let kitten-sounding whimpers go from the pressure on his neck. 

While the night itself was nearly too cold to bear, the three of your bodies heated instantly, and you nearly felt as if the sweater that kept you warm was even too much. Hyunjin parted his lips slightly to enter your mouth with his tongue, and it was a feeling so indulgent that you tried to hide from your friend how good he could make you feel out of your own embarrassment. 

Your name slithered from his lips to yours, and you tucked your hands under his sweater, finding Changbin’s hands there too on the other boy’s bare skin. Hyunjin flinched from feeling both sets of hands on his muscles. His abs flared from the attention, and he accidentally bit into your lip feeling the cold pads of fingers on him. 

Now that you had one taste of him your body could only crave more. 

Changbin tilted Hyunjin’s gasping and swollen lips to his own where he took his own turn gifting the other boy his affection. Hyunjin pressed his whole chest into the other man in an attempt to get closer and Changbin’s hands splayed across his back to hold him tightly. The two of them giggled a bit as they roughly worked their way around each other’s mouths. Changbin, a little smaller in the other man’s wide and long arms appeared to swim in him, and the two of them melted between the thick fabric of their clothes. 

Once more your hands went journeying up Hyunjin’s shirt, and you ran your fingers over every curve and twist of his back: from the little dimples above his hips, his ribs, his sweeping shoulder blades and each swelling bit of fleshy dorsal muscle you could get your hands on. You had never realized how curious you had been for him in this way, but it delighted you to feel him this close. 

Legs became anxious under the wool blankets, and tangled up with little regard for personal space, and hips writhed asking for attention that had been kept for them for far too long. 

Changbin moved down Hyunjin’s jaw to give him more kisses to his tender neck, sucking harder this time to imprint little purple marks. You had never taken Changbin to be one to do so, but something told you that he was one to take pride in those that he loved, and wanted them to be his only. 

“B-Bin...” Hyunjin’s voice wavered, no longer loud enough to bounce off the rocks surrounding you. 

From the way that Changbin kissed the other boy, you instantly craved for him to do the same for you. Across the width of your gorgeous blond friend, you tossed around Changbin’s dark and curly strands, and soaked up his warmth to your hand cracking from the cold. 

You called out for him too, and found your hips grinding into Hyunjin’s back, becoming more impatient by the moment. The way that both of them touched you, and each other was...different. There was no fear, no heartbreak, no uncertainty or loneliness. When you thought of it later, it was if the three of you could actually heal from it all for the first time. 

Changbin’s eyes softened hearing you beg for him, and he helped you slide closer to him. 

“Hm. You’re so cute.” He muttered before filling your mouth with his own kisses. Changbin appeared to channel everything that he had in him to give to you--it was no surprise considering the romantic that he was. He was attentive and slow; rough at first, but then melting into something much more infatuating. Hyunjin took his turn swiping his hands up and down your thighs, kneading into the skin, and then tucking up your sweater. He shimmied down your body, pressing soft lips into your belly to make you tremble from the pleasant gesture. He made his way up higher, up to your chest where he exposed even more skin to the cold, but was sure to make up for it by keeping the blankets close. 

Changbin swiped his thumb over both of your lips, smiling as he did so. 

“Have I ever told you that you’re really breathtaking?” He said with a tone so sultry it was a bit laughable. 

“I don’t think so?” 

He too took a greedy hand down your chest where Hyunjin nipped lightly, admiring the way that you had looked under the moonlight. He brought his fingers back to your lips, giving you a tiny and accidental taste of his fingertips, then promptly resumed the kisses that you had asked for. 

Hyunjin worked his way back up your body, stopping at last to lap lightly into your neck with tiny fleeting love bites and delighted in the way that he could see them fade onto your skin--almost like you and him were a matching set now.

Changbin broke his lips from yours, creating a tiny wet sound with a thin string of his saliva on your your bottom lip.

Hyunjin played with the elastic of your sweatpants, gasping out a bit once he saw your legs rub together in the absence of friction. His eyes wandered slowly to his other friend who had grinded his hips down into the cargo bed with a quivering length.

“Are we about to do what I think we are?” He asked, both thrilled and shocked.  

“Seems like it.” Changbin said simply after going to caress the other man’s cheek.

“Damn. I was not expecting this night to go like this.” Your voice shook, either from anticipation, or from the cold--you couldn’t quite tell.

“Me neither...but I’m not mad about it.”

“Friendship offically ruined?” Hyunjin said with a mischievous little smile.

The breeze blew through, wrapped up in the smell of the crisp mountain air. Hyunjin’s little speaker played on with his songs that you still knew the names of. There wasn’t too much light, just the glow from the inside of Changbin’s car and his lanterns, but it was just enough to take in your friends fully--the ones that you had cared for so much, you didn’t even known how much you had. While you would’ve been worried about getting caught on that Wednesday night, this mattered little.

“I’d say so.” You answered, and it was exactly what they had wanted to hear.

The three of you opted to keep your tops on to fight off the elements, but under the covers, you each jiggled off pairs of joggers, jeans and sweatpants. The car bounced once more as the three of you readjusted. As soon as bare legs intertwined and the thin fabric of undergarments got thrown into the mix, you each got louder and more desperate for wandering touches that could quell your desires.

With twisted and oversized socks, Hyunjin straddled both sides of Changbin’s head, letting the other man palm the outline of his dick and squeeze at it harshly until he shivered over the smaller man’s frame.

“Damn Jin...” Changbin groaned seeing the other’s length. “You’ve been packing and didn’t feel like sharing?”

“S-shut up.” Hyunjin whined as the other teased him.

You worked bite after bite down Changbin’s torso, sucking lightly, then harder. After long, you found that it tickled him a little--this knowledge you would save for another time.

He wore baggy boxers which hid the full girth of his dick that swelled with his erection that bopped and only appeared to grow larger once you and released him. Thick veins wrapped around his length, and his tip flared where you grabbed him into your palm.

“I could say the same to you, Bin.” You teased your friend.

Hyunjin turned to see for himself, laughing out, seeing the way that it looked in your smaller hand.

“Bin, what the fuck?”

“...Intimidated are you?”

The other boy tossed his head back, hair getting caught in his hoodie. “No...”

Changbin snapped the elastic to Hyunjin’s briefs just because he liked the sound, then pulled the other’s member out to pump at the considerable length with his fist. The blonde boy choked out a gasp at the strong grip, and Changbin dug his fingers around the other’s waist to bring in him closer.

“What me to suck this pretty dick of yours?”

“Do I even need to answer that question?” Hyunjin snarked.

Further down, you worked your own hand around Changbin’s cock which you had lathered at first with your spit. Obscene sounds of the liquid cupped in your hand, then you worked your mouth down to his gloriously thick thighs. Something overtook you then, and all you wanted to to was ravage them, make them all yours, mark them as yours, and make the quiver all because of you.

Your fingernails dug into the fleshy and squishy skin, and Changbin moaned out forcefully feeling the sting.

“Feels good?” You asked with a wicked grin, then returned to sucking bruises into the inner parts of his thighs.

“You’re gonna...gonna distract me.” He sighed out, still jerking the other boy away.

Hyunjin swiped away the other man’s curly bangs so he could see him fully. He guided his length over Changbin’s mouth, teeth clenched with a tight exhale once he felt the warmth of the other’s tongue lapping up the sides of his shaft.

Your teasing was enough, and you finally granted your friend what he wanted. With a girth as wide as he had, it was somewhat of a challenge, but a challenge that you gleefully expected. He had puffed up your cheeks fully, and you could barely take in half is length without it testing the back of your throat. Still, you focused your breath coming out of your nose, and swallowed him down deeper. Your eyes wetted from the simulation to your gag reflex, but you held on for as long as you could. At last, your wish was granted, and his marked up thighs shook just for you.

“Bin...fuck.” The blond shuddered upon coaxing himself fully into his friend’s mouth. He moaned out sinfully feeling the twist of the other man’s tongue.

To give yourself a moment’s pause, you stopped, gasping over your friend’s slit, teasing your tongue around his head, dipping down to the place where he dripped with beads of precum.

Changbin laughed out breathily, swearing easily and calling out your name too with a rasp to his tone. “S-shit...”

“Getting too distracted?” Hyunjin purred, seeing the other man made a wreck by you. “What about me?”

“S-sorry.” Changbin admitted, wetting his lips and taking back Hyunjin’s cock into his hollowed cheeks.

As you swallowed around him, your friend rutted his hips just slightly, his lust overtaking him.

“Oh fuck, just like that, mm--” Hyunjin cooed, getting lost in his own ecstasy with head thrown back, and his sweater paws melting down to Changbin’s quaking chest where he supported himself.

You worked your hand and mouth up and down around the pulsating vein’s of your best friend’s length, lazily letting him feel your flattened tongue, then switching to let him feel the tightness of your throat.

Hyunjin sighed out heavily as looked down at his friend who had taken him so well. It was almost as if he felt cheated from the crappy head that he had been getting in dirty bathrooms and semi-public dressing rooms. It was dangerous in the way that Changbin would stroke him languidly, then let his drool wet his tip.

Further down your hips, the pent up heat from your own sex ached on the cool plastic of the cargo bed, and you grinded your hips down for any simulation you could get. 

The blonde man whimpered out after long, feeling even hazier the longer that Changbin continued on. “Binnie...you’re...feels really--fuck--so, good...”

It was as if the words hand been a trigger for him, but your friend pulled his length for your mouth, panting out like a dog, while also robbing Hyunjin of all feeling.

“Don’t-don’t wanna cum yet...” He laughed out, “I was really fucking close.”

Hyunjin pouted, then turning back and look at you with a bit of your own saliva running down your neck.

“Your turn now.” He nearly whispered, then crawled down the other man’s body to jerk at him lightly.

“Jin! I-I--” He clenched his teeth.

“Lay down, y/n. Is there any way that you want it?”

“A-anything. Anything that you want to do. I-I don’t care.” You begged, falling under his spell.

“Aw. Cute.” He added once he had seen the purple marks on Changbin’s thighs.

You fell back under the two of them, opening yourself up for them to do as they wished. First, Hyunjin crept down your body with as much care as he could--beautiful in the way the he looked close to you like this. 

Hyunjin’s hand cascaded down your chest, then belly, all the way down to your own twitching and wetted sex, and you keened directly into his touch. 

“Wouldn’t you like my fingers? Filling you up...” He asked softly, finally sinking down far enough so that you could feel his words swirl over your exposed arousal, then pressing light kisses into you. “...as deep as you can take it?” 

“Mm-yes.” You squeaked, opening your legs further for him. 

Your other friend settled beside you, tilting your chin nearer to him. Just barely, his lips grazed over you, breathing in your air with his hooded eyes glued to your weakened form under the hands of the other boy. 

“You’re that excited?” Hyunjin mocked, “We’ve barely touched you.” 

“Quit talking and just get to fucking me, got it?” You demanded, mustering all of your strength. 

“Oh-ho! I didn’t take you for one to bite back.”

Changbin bit a proud little smile into your lip, wrapping his arms around you. The blond man then toyed with your entrance, licking his fingers, wetting them, then pushed them slowly into your needy hole. 

“Ahhh, look at that, so fucking tight around my fingers, You want it that bad?” 

His long and lithe digits filled you up where he started to thrust them in and out, using his free hand to push your jolting thighs back. Your right hand traversed it’s way under the blankets which you had readjusted, all the way down to Changbin’s leaking length which still blushed red. You wrapped around him carefully, promising his to lips that you would go easy on him. 

As Hyunjin curled his fingers, the other man then reached down to rub at you fervently, matching the pace at which Hyunjin flicked his wrist. Your hips lurched feeling the combination of each sensation, and you cried out loudly for the two of them--the sound itself bounced off that empty space where the three of you existed, almost as if you were calling out for the whole starry sky to hear you. 

“I-I think that we were really missing out on something...” You joked with an airy breath and both of your friends joined you. 

Changbin’s teeth caught his lip as your hand squeezed and twisted, and you could see with every ounce of restraint that he had, he was holding back. 

“Way to make me want to fuck you sideways, huh?” He said with a little grin, observing the size difference between your hand and his member. 

Your back arched when Hyunjin reached in even deeper, and you dissolved into the pleasure that he brought you--an amazing kind of all-consuming feeling that shattered your will, and sent you mewling out into your other friends mouth. 

“I-I can’t wait anymore,” You begged, clawing right into Hyunjin’s golden trellises. 

Changbin scooched up quickly, taking half of the blankets with him, thankfully giving the other boy a nod when he let him be the one to use your entrance. With his brutish hands, he flipped you to your stomach, and hiked up your hips too, cold fingers holding them in place. Hyunjin kneeled permitting you access to his cock which as softened slightly, so he pumped himself back into place with his eyes holding yours. 

At first, Changbin teased you with his tip, adding pressure to your twitching hole, then guided himself in bit...by bit. 

The blonde tapped his dick to your lips, holding firmly the back of your neck as you took him in and choked out at the way that the other stretched your walls. Changbin grabbed at your ass in handfuls starting slowly, grinding his hips in little circles to simulate you deeper. 

“Hm. Who would have known that your pretty little hole would be so perfect for me? Guess we really were missing out on something.” 

Hyunjin growled lowly feeling his cock slide down to the back of your throat, brows crossed, and the bottom of his hoodie resting just above his hips. 

“Squeeze my leg if it becomes too much, okay? ...I’m gonna fuck your mouth, okay?” 

You nodded best you could, and he started to thrust carefully, every few seconds you would hold his member to drag it against the sides of your cheeks, causing him to huff out loudly at the fleshy bits of your mouth. 

Changbin quickened his pace, doubling over your back as he lost himself in you, grunting out in his rhythm. From both sides, your best friends used you, resorting to something much more feral as they edged themselves closer. From the motions, the car rocked back and fourth like a bed and it’s headboard. 

You too felt the tension build deeply in your core, and it begged with reckless abandon at your dizzy mind that drew itself closer and closer into the feeling of being utterly all theirs. 

In many ways, you guessed that you always had been--while it had been unspoken at the time. Now, having the two of them wholly like this under the silver sheen of the moon, the cold biting at your skin, then furiously met with your heat, you could no longer see them as the two broken souls whom you had bonded with at first. They were now everything, everything that you had wished and hoped for.

Even now that you had become much more to each other, there was nothing that could take away the closeness that you had shared with them. 

“F-fuck--gonna cum--” Changbin announced while he pounded frantically. The other man rolled his hips into your mouth quicker too, seeking the same kind of release. 

“Y/n?” He said with a broken breath, and you muffled out a moan to let him know that you were nearly there too. 

“Oh shit, oh shit--” 

Changbin grunted out, with a bit of panic to his voice, forcefully removed himself from you seconds before he spilled his white seed onto your hole, then sending it dripping down your leg. 

“Oh fuck--s-sorry--” He gasped out, still jerking his cock while he pulsed. 

“Bin!! What the fuck??” Hyunjin yelled out, his words quickly turned into mumbles of nonsense when you took him down as deeply as you could manage without gagging, focusing only on him even though your sex ached feeling so empty.  

When he had come down after a few moments, Changbin took to fucking your walls once more with his thick fingers, not even caring that he had fucked his white warmth back into you at the same time. Meanwhile, he returned to rubbing of your sensitive flesh, trying to replace the feeling he had robbed you of. 

“Cum for me baby, cum for me.” 

On cue, you came in waves, shuddering over Changbin’s fingers slicked with his cum, just as your other friend released down your throat and the warm liquid painted your tongue. 

His blissful moans turned into light chuckles as he milked himself into your mouth, giving you every last drop. Changbin drove you further, overstimulating you to the point where your knees nearly gave out, and you had to beg him to slow. 

After each of your bodies collapsed weakly to the bed of blankets and rejected clothing, you drew the covers back up over yourselves, feeling the cold seep in once more. Both of your friends kissed perfect adoring kisses into your raw lips, tasting the both of themselves on your skin. While your thighs still stuck with your friend’s cum, it didn’t matter as much now that you had huddled up cozily into their arms. 

“Bin, you asshole!!” Hyunjin jested, and flicked the other boy’s forehead. “You fucking finished before you were supposed to!!” 

“What the hell was I supposed to do?? I’d already edged myself enough!!” 

“You could’ve tried!!” 

“Whatever, it felt fucking amazing, don’t blame me.” He added with a smug smirk, “You felt fucking amazing, y/n.” 

“Did it feel good for you too, y/n?” Hyunjin gingerly asked, falling right back to his soft and adorable composure that you knew well. 

“Like Bin said, it was fucking amazing.” 

“So we all agree then? We won’t forget that this happened?”

You gave Hyunjin a little nod to say yes, and your group of three hugged eachother even closer. You hadn’t noticed it, but at some point, Hyunjin’s music had turned off. 

“So, this means that we’re like, a thing now?” Changbin asked, playing with the drawstring to your hoodie. 

You peppered Hyunjin’s forehead with a tiny kiss. “I’d like to be.” 

He nuzzled into the crook of your neck and reached out for Changbin across the expanse. “Me too.” 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

[juminsmysticmc]

Omg, rfa + minor trio are here again. I almost droped my phone lmao... Can we have rfa + minor trio reactions when police brings their teenage child home? Thank you and take care!

RFA + Minor Duo’s teenage child being brought home by the police

As soon as I read this request I thought ,,yeah, this is just what I want write about!’’ thank you for your request! I hope I can make you happy! Please enjoy! And yes, ahaha, I am always good for a surprise! Let’s welcome the Minor Duo/ Trio again!

Vanderwood’s child being brought home by the police

Jumin

,,You really should send someone,’’ you mumbled, almost begging your husband.

The problem was that your oldest son, who was sixteen, didn’t want to become the new CEO in line. Instead, he wanted to go into show business, something Jumin didn’t want to let happen.

The amounts of arguments in the house were so many, that you lost count.

But as a mother, you were your son’s side.

,,No, I don’t care,’’ Jumin mumbled.

,,Does he really think that music will provide him with food, warm clothes, and a future forever?’’ he asked you.

,,Well, you could also lose the company, you know…’’ you mumbled, getting a cold look.

Suddenly the door rang, making your second daughter open the door.

,,Uhm, Mom,’’ the fourteen year old called you.

It was 10 pm. when two police officers stood there, your boy between them.

,,We caught him stealing,’’ one of them said.

And after Jumin thanked them and gave them so much money, that they would never ever speak up again, he was ready to scold your son if you didn’t protect him.

,,I DID THIS BECAUSE I WANT TO CHANGE MY FATE! I’M NOT YOUR DOLL!’’ he hissed.

Jumin was speechless, and before he could act, your daughter helped you.

,,I will be the CEO in line. Have some faith in me,’’ she said.

,,Hyung is happier when he’s doing music, not working on your projects. I, on the other hand, love it a lot,’’ she said, solving almost every problem...

Zen

You and your husband were enjoying the day with your newborn when someone rang at the door.

Looking at the clock, you knew that it couldn’t have been your oldest daughter who was supposed to still be at school, however, you were wrong.

,,Mom…’’ the young lady began to sob, jumping into your arms.

,,What happened?’’ Zen asked, when he looked over to his little girl.

,,She was robbed in the middle of the street.

Thank god people were there to help, but she got a little hurt. However, she didn’t want to go to the hospital and instead demanded to be brought home,’’ the other police officer said.

,,I was so scared,’’ she sobbed as she cried into your chest, your hands slowly patting her back in a rhythm to calm her down.

Zen thanked the police officer and then closed the door, hugging his girl as she kept crying.

That night, the three of you slept together in a bed even though she was already so old…

Zen even put his pride aside and asked Jumin Han to give her a few of his bodyguards.

After all, the safety of his family was his first priority.

Yoosung

,,I don’t know what to do anymore,’’ Yoosung sobbed.

It has been three years ever since you died, taking two of your children with you.

It was supposed to be a happy day when suddenly he simply got a call, the call about your death.

It took him a long time to overcome this pain, especially because he still had a son he had to raise.

Everyone tried to support Yoosung, but the young boy he had to raise without a mother began to feel the cold.

He began to miss you, the motherly figure he longed for.

Yoosung’s son was just sixteen when he first got accused of a few bad things. People visited him almost weekly to make sure that the family problems would be solved soon.

However, nothing helped.

,,I don’t need you, old idiotic father!’’ Yoosung’s son yelled.

,,WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?! I WANT AN APOLOGY!’’ he hissed.

,,You?! An apology?!’’ he laughed.

,,You fucking let them kill my mother and my sisters. You didn’t do anything good in life, you studied to save some stray dogs, and let my mother die like one,’’ he laughed.

Yoosung slapped his son and panted in rage.

,,Your mother would be disappointed in you,’’ he whispered.

,,You have no right to say that!’’ and with that, Yoosung’s son disappeared into the night, leaving Yoosung alone for a while until he gathered his strength and called Seven, who immediately searched for the young boy.

However, this wasn’t needed after half an hour when the door rang.

,,Mr Kim, we will need to put your son in jail. We need to talk,’’ the police officer said.

Yoosung, however, knew that whatever happened, he wouldn’t let them take the last memento of you...

Jaehee

You always thought that you and Jaehee managed to have your own little, happy family, without anyone hurting you guys.

However, you were wrong.

And neither you or Jaehee knew how wrong you were until the door rang and your son entered with two police officers.

The shop was closed and you and your wife were actually planning a special for your coffee shop when your life was turned upside down.

,,Kang Jaehee and Kang Mc?’’ they asked before they received the response that they were right.

,,We brought your son home,’’ the police officer said, letting the young boy go in.

,,HUH?”’ you gasped, checking if the boy you were raising into a good man was hurt.

,,He was the criminal. I think the family of the boy he hit will drag you into court. You should be prepared,’’ he said and went away, leaving you and Jaehee alone.

It didn’t take long before your son broke down. He was pretty fragile even though he just caused a problem.

,,I’m so sorry,’’ he sobbed and went on his knees, covering his face in his hand.

,,They made fun of me because I have two moms. At first… at first I didn’t care. Even when they called our shop disgusting, I didn’t care.

But when they called you disgusting… I just...I-’’

Immediately you hugged him, kissing his cheek.

,,You were hurt… you felt attacked. It’s not nice to use violence, but you’re a victim too… we will handle it…’’

Saeyoung

,,I can’t believe you stole something,’’ you sobbed as you watched your daughter.

She was currently in her rebellious phase.

,,Me neither. I mean, how many times did I teach you where the CCTV is? At least you could have-’’

You didn’t even let your husband finish as you hit him on his shoulder.

,,DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?! YOUR DAUGHTER DID SOMETHING ILLEGAL!’’ you hissed.

,,And you, young lady! I am so disappointed in you! Go up to your room, give me your phone, laptop, and iPad and write a letter of apology to the shop owner!

And then, later, I want to know how in the world you came to this stupid idea!’’ you hissed and turned around.

Your daughter was just brought home after the police caught her stealing, or trying to steal, a CD.

,,And you,’’ you hissed ,,don’t support her on these things!’’ you warned him.

After a bit you went up to your daughter and sat next to her.

The first few minutes, both of you didn’t say anything until she began to cry and went into your embrace.

,,Will you tell mommy now why you did that…?’’ you asked her.

Saeran

You were still in bed sleeping when the door rang.

Since you were in your last week of pregnancy with the third child, Saeran let you stay in bed and instead opened the door.

,,What-’’ he couldn’t believe what his eyes saw.

,,Sorry, dad…’’ his young daughter mumbled, her black jacket brown by now.

,,What happened?’’ he asked the police officer.

His daughter actually told him yesterday that she would sleep at her best friend’s house, but now police officers were dragging her home?

,,Mr Choi, we found her drunk on the street. We actually first brought her to the hospital and didn’t call you to not cause a false alarm, and also because she said that her mother was pregnant and didn’t want to shock her too much.

Luckily nothing happened and a young woman called for help when she was found.

We beg you to keep an eye on her and call this number if you ever need help,’’ the kind officer said.

Saeran bowed to thank the officer and then let his daughter in.

,,I am so...angry and disappointed that you lied to us. Go and take a shower, I will wake up your mom so that we can talk about this,’’ he said and went straight to your shared bedroom, where you first began to cry while he tried to calm down. 

Memories came up, he didn’t want his daughter to end up like her, like his mother.

But then you had a good talk with her and decided to call help to support your daughter as best as possible...

Jihyun

,,Did you really break into the park for pictures?’’ you asked your son who nodded..

He explained that the stars and the shining lights were just too beautiful for him to ignore so he just had to go and see them.

,,And… oh dear, you know that it will be registered forever?!’’ you asked him.

Lucy was next to you.

She watched her brother as she tried to calm you.

,,Yes, but I couldn’t stop myself, mom. I’m sorry,’’ he mumbled.

,,We could have gone together while they were open,’’ Lucy commented.

,,I didn’t want any people in my pictures,’’ he commented and looked at his dad, who stayed silent the whole time.

,,Jihyun, it’s your fault for making him crazy about art! You need to tell him what’s right and what’s wrong!’’ you hissed and shook your head.

Together with Lucy you left the room, thinking on what to do next.

,,I know, how it feels,’’ Jihyun said when you were gone, making the young boy look up.

,,It’s wrong, but at the same time, it feels so right that nothing can stop you from doing it. I know it, especially with art.

I believe that this was an experience you had to learn. For the future, keep doing things like that, but instead of going in even though it’s closed, call me or Jumin. We will find a way. Always,’’ he laughed and patted his back.

,,Now, show me the pics!’’

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

14.03.2021// 19:48 MEST

[niji-translated]

Link to original interview

Translation: - 

“Hold Your Breath” Interview – Awesome Mag

 When you read the script, what kind of feeling did you have?

-       Even though each episode is only 30 minutes long, I was amazed that changes of the characters feelings were well depicted. Actually I’ve known, the director, Nakagawa Ryutaro, a long time, we’re really close but this is the first time working together. But, that’s why it was really interesting to be give a role like that this time.

How did you and director Nakagawa become friends?

-       That was so long ago I can’t remember. He had a very clear idea of ‘I want to make a piece of art like this’. He’s written many plots for me in the past. Only, all of them are epic works that cost a lot of money. (laughs). So, we haven’t been able to get to that point until now. Now, getting to work together for the first time, I’m really happy.

In this work you play Miyashita Shinpei, a part time worker moving from one place to another, currently working as a rubbish collector. What did you think of the character?

-       The director really knows me well. I thought Shinpei’s sarcastic and slightly subservient side is like mine. The drama doesn’t depict this, but the role of Shinpei has a backstory. He grew up in a town with a lot of delinquents around him, and he’s been in juvenile detention for hurting someone because of his sense of justice. In the drama there’s no word of that, but that’s why he’s so subservient. But he’s not a gloomy person, so he had a girlfriend. He’s not violent at all. Shinpei’s distance from society in general, I think he’s not that far from me? I thought that.

In just 30 minutes, I felt that the changes in the human heart were expressed well.

-       Yes, that’s right. In that short space of time, it’s great that’s where the focus is.

In this work you co-star with Adachi Yumi, how was it to work together?

-       I thought she was a very mature person. Even if our skin made physical contact, there was a certain distance between us.

At first glance, it seems that the two have nothing in common, but actually they are very similar in their loneliness and their need for humanity. I felt a tightness in my chest watching it.

-       The character Adachi-san played is facing conflicts that Shinpei doesn’t know about and Shinpei can’t understand her, and he also has his own conflicts, this relationship is very strange, isn’t it? But, when you watch, it opens up the imagination. I think that’s really good. By the way, for me, I’m not very good with feature length films.

If that’s so, this is a very suitable film!

-       It’s really great. I’m sure people will be able to watch in their spare time, I’d be happy if everyone could see it.

Well, now that you’ve depicted the world of the ‘Corona disaster’, Murakami-san, what kind of change of heart did this have on you?

-       Actually, I didn’t have much of a change of heart. Of course, I saw other actors around me starting to send out messages and make moves, and it’s not that I didn’t feel a sense of crisis. Instead, I’m the type who always has a sense of crisis. Not just at this time, Japan is also an earthquake country, I believe it can happen at any time.

During the STAY HOME period, what did you do?

-       I’ve only been watching foreign dramas. I thought I’d take the opportunity to read some plays and stuff, but no. (laughs). As expected, I had to stick with what fit for me.

Ahaha, but that’s the truth isn’t it?

-       I think so. Also, after the corona disaster, I wanted to make sure to put some care into what’s been difficult. Even if it’s useless to do so, I want to put in that time. That’s because, lately, I’ve been desperately focused on what is in front of me, I don’t feel like I’m looking far enough. And while there’s merit to this, only facing the task at hand has it’s disadvantages. Of course, that’s not wrong either.

You need to have an open mind*, you mean?

-       I think so. It’s gone a bit. I think that’s a very bad thing, so I want to be aware of that in my life.

Now, you’ve had the pleasure to work with director Nakagawa, is there anything you’d like to do in the future?

-       I’ve received many love letters from director Nakagawa. They’re on letterheads, and they’re full of my good points, and about what he wants to make. There are a lot of things that seem difficult to achieve, but if there’s a director who wants that much from me, I hope we can achieve this together.

(Additional question)

Common theme music column: A song to wake up to in the morning

-       Utada Hikaru: ‘Beautiful World’

-       I’ve never properly listened to Utada Hikaru before. But, when I watched the film ‘Shin Evangelion’ I was hooked. Since it’s newly written, it has a very strong world view of the film, but it’s a lovely song, it’s very good to listen to in the morning, I think.

/-/ 

*Translation note:  Here I struggled with the correct wording to use, and after receiving some advice, I’ve discovered the best way to describe this is more like ‘space/luxury to look ahead’, as in the time to pause allowed for some space to think.  I’ve kept ‘open mind’ in the wording here, but I think Nijiro’s answer makes more sense if you also take the full context into consideration. 

[If you wish to use any of my translations, please ask!]

[ofcloudyskies]

hiya! i really, really hope things get better for you soon. if you ever want to talk about it, just know that i'm here ♡ i know what you mean about tumblr being a safe haven. looking back, i think i came back here bc i was going through a really rough patch (existential crisis do that to you) and even after all this time, i still find comfort in the chaos that is this website. it's become some sort of refuge where i can be silly and speak into the void about the things that make me happy. (1/6)

hello marina! <3 thanks to tumblr for the reveal haha :D i'll post this to keep the whole thing in one place

apart from ouat, i used to be really into glee. i stopped watching ouat after s5 and the later seasons of glee were a real roller coaster. but i was so happy in both fandoms. i mostly kept to my tiny bubble but i did meet so many lovely people. and the fact that i'll probably never know what's become of most of them will always hurt a bit. but yeah, life goes on and one can only hope that they're happy, wherever they are. ah, this got sappy haha. what other fandoms were you in before? (2/6)

my mind keeps drifting these days, too, and the fact that summer makes me feel super drained isn't helping at all. but YES, YESSSSS, i'm definitely up for a buddy reading. that may help us beat our reading slump! we can read "if we were villains" or we can choose any other book you may be interested in, of course! speaking of naomi novik, i started reading "spinning silver" a while ago after hearing great things from a friend of mine. (3/6)

i don't think i picked it at the right time, but god, the writing was so atmospheric and raw. i'll definitely go back to it one day, i love retellings. also, i hadn't even thought about the colors of the covers, what a cool coincidence! black and gold will always be one of my favorite combos. there's something so magical and kingly about it, right? the collector's edition for crooked kingdom is black and gold, too, and i couldn't stop staring at it the day it came in the mail hahaha. (4/6)

see, i'm incredibly intrigued about nikolai. i need to know more about him. that's one of the main reasons why i want to read the shadow and bone trilogy, actually. if i manage to get out of this terrible slump, i think i'll jump back into the grishaverse and give the trilogy a go. in the meantime, could netflix please give us a trailer or some promo pics? i need something, anything! (5/6)  

ahh, tumblr won't allow me to send any more questions for at least an hour because i exceeded the ask limit. but i just needed to send one last message, so i'll just come off anon, i guess hahaha. anyway, feel free to write as much as you want!! as you can see, my messages just keep getting longer and longer. aaah, i'm so sorry. but what can i say, i love letters too! (6/6)

~~~~~

ah, thank you for good wishes <3 i don't want to burden you too much with my life problems and tbh it doesn't really get easier no matter how many times i talk about it, i will most certainly end up crying again if i start thinking about it too much again. i’ve been living with this terrible feeling of uncertainty about the future for a year now (because the thing will happen, the question is how soon) and it feels like i’m always at the verge tears, one word, one thought and i break. ugh, now i’m being weirdly vague akfdjhg sorry >< but i hope you managed to get through your rough patch! if you need to vent about anything, you know where to find me!

oh, i'm actually rewatching glee right now! i was so into it in high school but stopped watching at some point. last fall i needed a pick-me-up show to pass a few weeks of alone evenings so i randomly decided to rewatch glee and this time to watch the whole thing till the end. i think i'm at the start of s4 now. i mostly only listen to the episodes while cooking :D

other than ouat i think i only actively participated in doctor who fandom. for other things i was just a lurker/rebloger... then i got into animanga (mostly into this one baseball manga?? i literally didn't know the rules of baseball back then. don't ask why i like it so much, i don't understand it myself haha, i just accept it) and made a sideblog for that which i started using more than the main blog so i made a separate account and came here only from time to time

YAY we can agree on ‘if we were villains’!! i’ve been considering ‘the priory of the orange tree’ from samantha shannon recently but it’s definitely too long for a slump mood. ah, naomi novik has polish roots and i remember uprooted was based on polish folklore, it was nice to see elements of the tales from my country in the story. i wonder if her other books have that as well. and oh my, i envy you the collector's edition of crooked kingdom! i own the duology but in the basic covers, i love them lots anyway. what are your other fav covers on your bookshelf? and i hope i didn't oversell nikolai, would be bad now if you read the books now and were meh about him ahaha, fingers crossed!

if you like writing letters to strangers, there's this cool app called 'slowly'. you’re matched with a stranger from somewhere in the world and you can write each other letters. the letter takes time to arrive to the recipient according to the distance between the countries where both people live. i used it a bit when i was stuck at home and wanted to feel connected to the world c:

idk how we should keep this going :D does fanmail still exist on tumblr? if u have ideas let me know hah. have a good night x

[purecamp]

Hi, I have a question about your mamma mia au! Is Pat dead on Here I Go Again? Because I was thinking that if she passed away before higa, Sharon and Willam would attend the funeral right? Wouldn't Sharon bring Trixie too? Wouldn't Willam go talk to her and get suspicious about Trixie? Is this me subtly asking you to write an oneshot about it just because I'm not ready to let go of this universe and also wanting you to write more Shillam? 😂

ahaha anon this tickled me tbh. first of all thanks for the love (!!!), so i’ll try to answer in parts

-unfortunately she has passed before higa because she would be 113, which is possible but... unlikely ahaha -ive been debating this since waaaay before u asked me bc its something i thought about a lot, like would sharon bring trixie or not? would she even go? lots 2 think about, decisions decisions -i would write oneshots for you in a second. plz feel free to request them at any time omg

anyway, i guess i’m gonna give it a go here! 

She was a good age, Sharon knew that. Spritely in nature right up until her last moments, Patricia Belli passed away in her retirement home at the age of ninety six.

Her letter had arrived in the post; a short and not-so-sweet note letting Sharon know that if she received this letter, then she had died, and the nursing home staff had actually honoured her request of them to send it to her. Somewhat of a doting grandma - owing to the fact that Sharon had no idea what Pat would be to Trixie if she even was related - she had attached some plastic-wrapped sweets and lollipops.

God, this was going to be difficult. On top of having to close the hotel, at least for a day whilst she attended the funeral, Sharon was going to have to explain the concept of dying to her three-year-old girl, who thought the world was nothing but sparkles and sunshine.

And that was without slotting in time for her own grief. In four years, Pat had transformed Sharon’s life, and she owed her everything.

Times like these were when Sharon wished she had a little bit of help. She needed to cry and sniff and weep into somebody, to wallow in the horrible feeling of finally being alone in the world with herself as the only adult to rely on. She needed to continue working in order to stay alive, and keep her home paid for and her daughter fed. She needed to sit down and explain to Trixie than Nana Pat was gone, and she wouldn’t be coming back. She needed someone else to bundle her up for once and tell her it was all going to be okay.

“You alright?” Maria broke her out of her thoughts, tapping her as she went past behind the bar to fetch a few more bottles of ale.

Sharon grabbed a rag and continued drying up the glasses - Maria had offered to extend the hotel into her bar, meaning Sharon now managed a hotel and taverna in one. “Yeah, just... Can’t believe she’s gone, you know? I always felt like Pat was gonna live forever.”

Maria nodded. “It will be strange, we miss her around here. She was regular for many years at this taverna. Party held here after the service, in her honour.”

“She’d like that. Everyone getting drunk for her.” She sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to have to tell Trix. She’s only young, after all.”

Shrugging, Maria offered a kindly smile. “Brave and strong, like her mother. Even if teeny tiny.”

Despite her heavy heart, Sharon laughed.

---

“Mama! You’re here!”

The same cheerful greeting that Sharon was met with every afternoon came at her once again, lifting her low mood a little. A flurry of pink shot towards her, Sharon noting a smudge of blue paint on her face and some scuffs on her shoes from a day of playing before she was tackled in a huge hug.

“I’m here, little pumpkin. Did you have a good day?”

“The best!” Trixie trilled. “We did painting, and running, and I played dolls with Kimmy and Pearl showed me how to draw hearts!”

Ever-suffering, her preschool teacher was stood by the door to the classroom, her gaze tired but still warm as her last student clung to her mom. It wasn’t too often that Sharon was last to pick up her little girl, but it happened enough that she knew to just sit Trixie down with some colouring and leave her to it. Today, the grief had slowed Sharon down, and she was behind on most of her maintenance.

“Sounds fun! Now, are we walking out of here or is mama carrying you all the way home?”

Trixie took a moment to think about it, before smushing her face into Sharon’s neck. “Mama carries me home.”

Sharon sighed, figuring that she needed to keep Trixie happy if she was going to deliver such bad news. “Okay, just this once. Say bye bye, now!”

“Bye bye, Miss Coulée!”

Just Sharon’s luck, the walk was roughly long enough for them to discuss the subject. She was careful not to let her own emotions influence Trixie’s too much, knowing that a sobbing little girl would be much harder to console when she herself wanted nothing more than to break down in someone’s arms. Curious and a little confused, she asked a few questions which Sharon tried her best to answer, all while avoiding the term “Heaven”. It felt like she’d done an okay job, all things considered, but the fact that she had to do it alone meant she was more than nervous. This wasn’t going to traumatise her into therapy as an adult... she hoped.

“Will she miss me?”

Fuck, this kid was tugging at every single one of Sharon’s heartstrings. It didn’t seem possible that she had been the one to give life to something so goddamn cute.

“Nana Pat? I’m sure she will miss you, baby. And we’ll miss her, too.” Sharon took a deep breath. “But she’s still with us, isn’t she? Because we remember her, and we always have our memories.”

Trixie nodded thoughtfully. She had begged and begged to sit on Sharon’s shoulders, so now she idly played with loose strands of her hair, the messy bun practically ruined from the day’s work anyway.

“But she won’t come back because she’s too old.”

The child-like ability to make the most innocent and heartbreaking of things funny was one that Sharon hoped Trixie held onto forever. Even with her own heavy sadness, she giggled slightly.

“That’s right, bubba.”

A pause. “Are you sad, mama?”

Sharon nodded infinitesimally, trying not to trigger her tears. “Lots of people will be sad. When we go to the funeral on Saturday, there will be lots of sad people wearing black who all love Nana Pat very much. Will you promise me to be a really good girl and just sit quietly with me? We don’t want to disturb anyone.”

Trixie leaned forwards, pressing her lips to the top of Sharon’s head in an awkward, well-meaning kiss. “I’ll be good.”

---

She was golden. Sharon had done all her crying in the morning, before Trixie scrambled into her bed, and she was relieved at how easily her toddler had gone along with everything. Getting herself dressed had been a breeze; she even tried brushing her own hair, which was unsuccessful but nevertheless touching. Trixie then scampered off to play whilst Sharon got ready, giving her a few more moments alone.

Smoothing down her skirt, she examined herself in the mirror. An uncomfortable possibility had dawned on her that night, as she tried to sleep, and it made her unbelievably nervous. After all, he was her great-nephew...

She didn’t look that different than the day they met, surely? But yet, staring at herself, Sharon started realizing how little she resembled that girl already. Only four years had passed, near enough, and at twenty one and a mom, there was almost nothing to anchor this version of herself to the similarly-burdened yet unrealistically carefree seventeen-year-old that Willam had known.

Her hips were wider now, one of the few permanent modifications that Trixie had given her, and for all her low income meant a reduced diet, there was still the remains of a post-baby pouch that stubbornly remained. Black dresses were slimming, Sharon reminded herself, not that the rest of her needed it, but she hoped it was enough that if Willam did see her, he wouldn’t notice anything different.

That being said, he was a man. The little things didn’t matter. The living, squirming three-year-old, however...

Sharon sighed and relaxed, not bothering to try and suck in her stomach like she had before. Willam definitely wouldn’t notice it, he’d be too busy staring at Trixie. The human that he might’ve helped her create. That she had opted not to tell him about. Even though she had an easy way to do so via his now deceased great-aunt.

Fuck.

They made their way up to the little old chapel on the island in good time. Pat knew and loved her home more than anything, so relatives had been flocking from around the world to a tiny chapel on a tiny island out in Greece. It was a difficult walk, and with every step Sharon had to face that she really was in this alone now.

Not wanting to intrude in spite of her invite, Sharon slipped into a pew at the back and bowed her head, clutching Trixie in her lap as more of a comfort than anything else. Thankfully, as more and more people filed in, Trixie seemed to sense that her mama was upset, and quietly played with her flamingo teddy.

He was one of the last to walk in, of course - he would have to make an entrance. Swaggering in, his expression mostly calm, and his sheer confidence was highly inappropriate for a funeral and god if Sharon didn’t sound like her fucking mother. He was young and hot and the swagger seemed to be a Belli thing, because no one paid him any attention. Somewhere, whether in heaven or in her coffin, Sharon knew Pat was cackling with laughter.

And, of course, he just had to speak too. Sharon lifted her head a tiny bit to watch him, trying to ensure his gaze didn’t flicker onto her.

“So many kind things have been said about my dear great aunt today, and whilst it has warmed my heart I’m here to undo it all.” Willam started, filling the room with soft laughter. “Rest in peace, Granny Pat. You were old as fuck, but we’ll miss your rottenness. She had an ego bigger than mine and a liver bigger than Dad’s, and she was the life of the party. We love you, Pat.”

Everything about him was so familiar. Sharon tried not to think about it, but her mind was flooded with him. He didn’t look different at all, but she supposed LA had treated him well. Tanned and charming as ever, he seemed to woo his family as easily as he had seduced her into bed with him... or at least, that was how Sharon chose to remember it.

This was going to be a long day.

---

In all honesty, Sharon didn’t go out much anymore. It came with the territory of being a full-time parent and hotel owner-manager-chef-bartender-maid, but she was tired almost all the time. When Raja and Jinkx came over she made exceptions, but on a day-to-day basis, once Trixie was in bed, Sharon was exhausted from exerting herself to make sure she could even be finished and home in time for Trixie’s bedtime story. So, being out in the taverna in the late evening?

Unbearable.

As soon as everyone came in, Maria offered to take Trixie and keep her entertained behind the bar - which probably wasn’t the most responsible choice Sharon had made as a mom, but she knew Maria would take good care of her as she always did, and insisted she needed to mingle.

Mingling was the last thing on her mind, but she reluctantly grabbed a drink and tried to remain casual in a room full of strangers. After all, none of them knew who she was. None of them knew what Pat meant to her, and everything the daft old woman had done for her. None of them knew that without Pat, it was likely that her beloved daughter would’ve been given up for adoption and Sharon would’ve had to return home to her mother with her tail between her legs. Pat had made it possible for her to live, and as rough as it was, it was nice to be self-sufficient at twenty one.

“Hey! I thought it was you! Hi blondie!”

Sharon clutched her glass a little tighter and turned around slowly. “Forgot my name already?”

There he was, right next to her, having made his way across the room with bright eyes and a shiny grin. LA really had treated him well.

“You’re unforgettable, Sharon, don’t play me like that.” Willam teased. “Good to see you again. I knew goodbye wouldn’t last forever.”

Sharon scowled, but it didn’t last. “Hence why I said we wouldn’t have one.”

“Good point.” He gestured to her glass. “Vodka?”

She shook her head. “Just coke.”

“Pffft. Boring. Pat would want you to have some vodka. Or gin. Or both.”

Rolling her eyes, Sharon took a sip from her decidedly non-alcoholic drink. “I have responsibilities to take care of, I can’t just get drunk.”

As she spoke, her gaze went searching through the throng of people, praying Trixie wasn’t about to run over and squeeze her legs in a damning cuddle. To her relief, she was that she was balanced on Maria’s hip, happily giggling away with her out of Willam’s eyeline.

“We’re twenty one, Shar, and you haven’t seen me forever. Live a little!” Willam encouraged. “Seriously though, it’s good to see you. I didn’t know if you would still be here or if you still saw Pat around. It’s nice to see a face that I know she’d be happy to see, too. She hated most of the people here.”

God, the past tense. Sharon tried not to well up.

“You’re the only face here I know.” She admitted, her voice thick. “I feel a bit lost, honestly. If I didn’t have work, I’d be doing shots to loosen up.”

Willam laughed at that. “Right! I’m glad you know my face, at least. Familiar face, familiar arms, familiar chest, familiar d-”

“Stop!” Sharon shrieked, giggling in spite of herself. “Your great aunt has just died and you’re talking about our teenage sex? You’re disgusting.”

He shrugged. “I’m a Belli, it runs in the family. All this nonsense about her living to a ripe old age... please. She wasn’t ripe, she was rotten. It’s why we love her so.”

Sharon chuckled appreciatively. “I’m gonna miss her.”

“Me too. She’d be glad to see us brought back together, though.”

“Yeah. Although I’m not gonna sleep with you again.”

Willam’s laugh was a little too loud, attracting some disgruntled murmurs from surrounding family members. “Welp, there goes my weekend plans.”

It was surprisingly nice, talking to Willam. As much as Sharon had been terrified that the first topic of conversation would be them, and it would inevitably lead to a confession, they fell into a fleeting friendship as easily as they had four years ago. Determined to keep things light, Sharon steered away from her work or home life as they talked, but it was still nice to catch up.

That being said, she also kinda never wanted to see him again. Nothing personal, just... for Trixie’s sake, she had closed that chapter of her life and under no circumstances would she be reopening it. Not now, not in twenty years, not ever.

“I assume you’re breaking into stardom in Hollywood, right? I’ll be seeing you on movie posters?” 

He laughed. “A star is born, baby. Keep your eyes open. And you, are you taking to the stage now you’re away from your bitch of a mom?”

Sharon shook her head. “Nah. I don’t... I don’t have time anymore. And with the girls gone, too...”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t need them. And we should sing together again sometime, too.”

At that, Sharon sighed. “There’s nothing keeping you here, Willam, not now she’s gone. We had fun, but... there’s no point holding onto that. I got over my exes, I have to keep living and so do you.”

Willam nodded. “A goodbye without a goodbye. I get it. It’s difficult, but we have to let go.”

Yeah, Sharon told herself. In more ways than one.

“It’s not a personal thing, you know I care about you as a friend-”

“I know.” Willam told her. “I care about you too. But I get it.”

He pulled her into a hug. “Needles, take care of yourself. You’re skinny, take advantage of the free food. Fall in love. Make music. Do things to make you happy. You deserve that.”

Speechless, Sharon could only nod as he held her. “I can tell you’re ready to leave, so I’ll say goodbye now. You’re a one of a kind, okay? Keep going, angel thighs.”

Pfft. The old parody nickname - trust Willam to remember that.

“Thank you, Willam.”

---

Trixie was fast asleep in Sharon’s arms. Her warm weight had settled comfortably into her as she walked home, and Sharon relished in the way her sweet daughter could fill her aching heart so perfectly. Her blonde curls were messy, just like her own were as a child, and she was completely tuckered out.

Her adorable girl had little outfits, a bedroom of her own and a roof over her head all thanks to the love and kindness of one foul-mouthed, gin-loving lady. As the sun started setting, Sharon realized she owed another Belli a lifetime of gratitude.

“Thank you, Pat.”

[docholligay]

The Tinsel Web

This magical Christmas story was unwittingly sponsored by @katrani! ANd thank you so much, I utterly enjoyed writing it! Seriously, this was basically self indulgent nonsense ahaha. ANYWAY, about 2,100 words of some fun Widow/Tracer angst. Full OW Universe is here. 

The Christmas lights glowed outside the window with a warm and yellow light, and even a creature of the dark like Widowmaker was reminded of the sun, in this darkest time of year.  

It had been two years since she had seen Tracer last, since she had stood in that hotel room and told her she had no intention of leaving Talon. That she had never wanted to, and that Tracer had been a fool to think any of this was more than those late night trysts in hotels scattered through Canada and Europe and wherever either of them happened to be. It was the thrill of the hunt, the desire of seduction, and whatever else she might have felt for Tracer was no competition for the knowledge that she could keep Overwatch down. That everything it had been would never return.

Maybe it was that hunger within her, the spider that crept and needed to feed and drew its web around people. Tracer had been a succulent feast, full of hope and stamina and brightness. There had even been a certain sense of wine-dark pleasure in seeing the hurt on her face in Calgary. When she had left Overwatch and expected Widowmaker to come with her. When she had refused to join Talon. Oh, that creature, so bold and so foolish and so young, despite them being the same age. It truly was only a number, and Tracer’s eyes still sparkled with the passion and fire of those who have not learned.

But that hardly seemed a logical reason to send a letter. Le Marais was a few short blocks away, full of lost girls with starving eyes and willing bodies, who looked at the curve of her and were willing to forget it was not human nor omnic nor any known and earthly being.

But she had sent it, asking Tracer to come see her in Paris, in that elegant apartment her family had left behind. Overwatch had recently relocated to London, Widowmaker supposed for the reason that Tracer and Winston had long held lodging there, and Doomfist’s liberation from jail had made them more sensitive to the concentration of power on the European continent.

Sombra had told her Mercy and Pharah were currently living with Tracer, which Windowmaker thought must be more personally distracting to the group than any plan she and Talon had produced.

She was half-surprised when Tracer sent her a postcard, noting that she’d agree to come, that she’d be here in the afternoon two weeks from then.

Amelie had looked at the card, turning it over in the candlelight as she sipped a Burgundy in her long silk robe. It was a simple affair, a picture of the Tower Bridge stretched over the Thames, Tracer’s simple scratch on the back of it noting that she’d come, with neither excitement nor seeming concern.

She had brought Tracer here, twice. It was strange to call such a well-appointed and removed place intimate, carved as it was out of marble and old money, but there was something of her in it, and it felt nearly too close to bring Tracer there. But she had done it, and Tracer’s eyes had grown wide at the opulence of the place. Widowmaker, or it might have been Amelie, in that moment, had laughed about how her parents had money and breeding but little taste.

But Tracer had found the gilt and crystal and marble all very enthralling, in the same way she had felt a strange warmth in Tracer’s home in London, a bit shabby at the edges but clearly well loved, Tracer beaming with pride at how long it had been with the Oxtons, showing her each little detail, down the little note on the door where her father had told her to remember her keys and her wallet, that she’d left on the board all these  years.

Widowmaker had no such associations with this apartment, no warm family photos or feelings, but it was her domain, and it was here she wanted to have Tracer again. It was here she wanted to lay her down on those fine cotton sheets and take that sweetness and light into herself, to possess it and to suck it from Tracer’s body as her own raw sustenance.

To that end, she had dressed accordingly. You could say many things about Tracer, but one could not say she was unobservant, her eyes moving over every detail, whether she managed to file them away or not . She would note the bright red lace under Widowmaker’s black silk robe, and she would not react to the clear and present sign of danger.

She never did. Berries that lived in the sunshine tasted the sweetest.

She had the apartment decorated for a season she barely cared about but remembered Tracer being very fond of, a bright Christmas tree and pine boughs laid across the mantle, cherry wood burning on the fire. Tracer preferred rooms that were warm, she remembered, being a living being and not a creature like Widowmaker.

There was a knock at the door, and Widowmaker felt the hunger rise in her, that beautiful desperate desire, and she slithered over to the door like smoke, all curves and mystery.

Tracer stood in the doorway. Under the constant companion of her leather jacket, her accelerator glowed against a simple green sweater with worn tan corduroys, a grey tweed flatcap containing the spray of her chestnut hair. Widowmaker would almost say that she had missed her, in that moment, as the soft leather and citrus of her wafted into the apartment.

Amelie certainly would have.

But Tracer did not smile, and looked away from Widowmaker as she bounced by into the apartment and set the light blue canvas bag she carried on the coffee table, stretching as she took off her jacket.

“You’re here.” Widowmaker purred.

“I’m ‘ere.” Tracer nodded.

“May I offer you a drink?” Widowmaker did not wait for the answer, simply walked over to the silver plated bar cart with its cut crystal glasses and began to pour a measure of gin into a highball crisscrossed with deep cuts that made it shine.

“Rather not,” she shook her head, “What’s this about, then?”

Widowmaker continued to ignore her, simply stirred the tonic and lime into the glass and presented Tracer with it, a small dram of cognac in her other hand.

“Do not be this way,” she smiled and shook the gin and tonic slightly, “we are only...catching up, as they say.”

Tracer took the drink, but set it down on the coffee table behind her before setting down in a pink velvet upholstered chair.

“All right, then.” She looked up at Widowmaker and shrugged.

Widowmaker slipped casually onto the loveseat in the same sickly sweet pink and turned to Tracer. “You have relocated to London.”

“I ‘ave.”

They stared at each other a moment, Tracer’s drink untouched between them, as Widowmaker silently sipped her cognac, the warmth of it prickling at the back of her throat. She was still the same--if her understanding of Tracer’s disability was correct, she likely always would be--her leg bouncing impatiently, her hand toying with the aviator’s watch she constantly wore, the one her father gave her, she’d told Widowmaker, in a fine hotel in Madrid.

But she was quieter than Widowmaker had seen her, lips pressed tightly together, every muscle tensed and ready to run.

“I did not bring you here to kill you.”

Tracer shook her head, but seemed to relax the smallest amount. “Didn’t think you did.”

There were so many small things that Widowmaker had forgotten. The way her voice clipped when she talked, the syllables hard and heavy, the way a th became the harder f in her mouth, how she cocked her head when she listened.

She reached out and touched Tracer’s hand, warm and prickling as the cognac, and Tracer did not pull away.

How could she? Spiders knew how to build webs, even the webs made of Christmas lights and cognac.

She leaned in and kissed Tracer aggressively, bending into her, and for a moment it seemed the prey would surrender to her, to the poison she gave forth, the sweet chapstick of her lips fresh in Widowmaker’s mouth, and Widowmaker saw every hotel room and every bed, and she leaned further in, her hand on the back of Tracer’s neck.

“Bloody--” Tracer pulled away from Widowmaker and stumbled to her feet, “What do you mean by that?”

Widowmaker swirled her cognac and smiled. “It seemed clear to me.”

“Came ‘ere to talk, Amelie.”

Widowmaker rose to her feet and stalked toward Tracer. “We have never been good at talking, you and I. That is true, no? We are where hatred grows the flowers of lust. We are creatures of the physical world. ”

Tracer looked at her for a moment, her eyes blinking slowly, her face turning with each new consideration.

And then she shook her head and looked at Widowmaker in disbelief.

“No we isn’t. Least, not me” She took a short sigh.I’d ‘ave done anything for you, I would,” she looked off, a light sorrow hitting her face even as the golden light of Christmas touched it, “I did. Sneaked around on me team, gave Win a mess of grey ‘air, went anywhere you asked--”

“Not anywhere.” She said, without quite meaning to.

“You really think I’d ever ‘ave gone to Talon?” Her arms were crossed across her chest now, and the red was rising under the dapple of her freckles. “I never, ever asked it of you, to work crossways to your cause. I only asked you to give it all up with me, to meet me ‘alfway--”

“Overwatch is a waste of you,” Amelie set down her cognac, but did not immediately look back to meet Tracer’s gaze, “I could see, that day in King’s Row, that it was true. It was simply a question of opportunity.”

Stories we tell reflect the truths we wish to impart, and Widowmaker had told herself this story hundreds of times. That she had seen a spark of genius in her fighting, in her abilities, and so she had not killed her, not either time. That she had known she could bring Tracer into the Talon fold, and so had seduced her, and if she enjoyed herself, so much the better.

Sometimes a story can be as much what we wish were true as anything else.

Tracer took another step back from her, face in a deep and dark furrow, gesturing furiously. “You trying to bring me into Talon? For what? For Reaper to snarl at me? For Moira to cut me apart like them little animals in ‘er lab?”

“Moira would never have been allowed,” Widowmaker stepped toward her, “Tracer. Lena. You could do so much in this world. To save it from itself,” She stroked Tracer’s cheek, “We could teach you so many things. And we would not meet in dark bars and shadowed hotels, no. We could be--”

“No!” She paused, taking a breath. “Not this again.” 

Tracer took a cautious sidestep toward the door, and hung her head a moment, leaving Widowmaker quite unable to finish her sentence. She looked toward the door and then back at Widowmaker, her fists balled.

"Answer me one thing, Amelie" Her face was something Widowmaker had never seen before, hurt and anger mixed as a bubbling stew inside Tracer, boiling over the edges of the pot, and she vibrated with the sheer intensity of containing the explosion. She held up a finger. "Just the one. Did you ever love me? Even for..." she blinked back tears, "one minute, of one day. Was it ever real?"

"I..." Widowmaker wished for the security of her gun, and her scope, disarmed into honesty by the question, "I do not know. Whatever might have felt that was killed long ago" she looked away from Tracer, out where the lights twinkled about the Seine. "I am sorry."

"Oh you're bloody SORRY?? I near lost everything, because of you, you know that? And now you come back and it's alll je suis fatigue..."

That wasn't "I'm sorry" but it seemed, to Widowmaker, to fit.

"You think I'm weak, I know that," she steamed and paced, shaking her head, "But you're the bloody FUCKING coward, Amelie. I 'ave always been me. I feel the way I feel. If I'm 'appy, I'm 'appy, and otherwise. But you, you don't feel it at all, not ever." she picked up her jacket, swinging the bag wildly over her shoulder,  and went to the door. "And no one never killed nothing inside you but you, are that's the bloody truth, and you bloody well know it." She swung the door open wide. "AU REVOIR, you fucking cunt and ‘appy fucking Christmas!." She gave a deep sniffle and slammed the door behind her.

Widowmaker lit up a cigarette.

The English were so dramatic.

[emilyplaysotome]

Dating Diaries - Chapter 5 - Falling and Slipping

Inspired by real events, Emi enters the dating world after her long term relationship ends. Determined to move forward, she starts dating and quickly finds herself in over her head.

In case you missed it, here are the previous chapters:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4

I’d spent the 4 hours alone in my apartment before Makoto’s arrival wrestling with my jealous feelings over Kazumi.

I knew it was completely unfair of me, but I couldn’t help it. I’d fallen.

The annoying thing about these apps and being a woman who is predisposed to being a sleuth of sorts when it comes to love is that the details of my research could easily be described as “crazy”. Yet in this digital age I would argue that using all the tools at my disposal to protect myself from unnecessary heartache is far from unhinged and just the smart thing to do.

With that said, Kazumi had no idea the extent of which I was able to keep tabs on him while apart. Should I tell him that I was upset he was always using the app I would show my hand in a way I wasn’t prepared for.

In addition to that, I wasn’t ready to have him be my boyfriend.

I thought in his absence about what I wanted in an ideal world and the scenario I came up was incredibly unfair to him. I essentially wanted the freedom to be single and properly heal from the aftermath of Shizuo while Kazumi simultaneously pined for me to the point that he wasn’t interested in anything else with anyone else.

Basically I hoped to have my cake and eat it too while he waited in the wings for me to choose him.

It wasn’t fair.

I had no right to demand that of him. 

But I didn’t figure out how I could handle this kind of nebulous relationship either.

Luckily for me, Makoto showed up right then and there and distracted me from the predicament I’d found myself in.

With a big smile he entered my apartment, closing the door behind him so he could pull me into his arms and kiss me. As he pulled back I noticed he was blushing and if that wasn’t endearing enough he muttered, “Damn you’re even cuter in person.”

“Ahaha you liiiiiiike me Mako!” I teased.

My teasing caused him to flush an even deeper shade of red and I was surprised by how disarmed I suddenly felt. All the thoughts about Kazumi that had been torturing me had vanished in an instant, and feeling relieved to have a respite from turmoil I initiated a kiss with Mako that caught him even more off guard.

“Did you have fun with your friend?” Mako asked in an attempt to change the subject.

“Yes.”

I tried to smile but in truth the question caught me off guard.

I had changed our sex sheets before Makoto’s arrival and had showered (and listerined my mouth) but that familiar feeling of guilt despite doing nothing wrong started to bubble up again. I watched with horror as Makoto turned his attention to the vase of tulips on my kitchen counter and turning back shot me a suspicious look.

“Did your friend get you those flowers?”

“Yes! Aren’t they pretty?”

“Mmm. Was this friend a guy?”

“He is. Don’t tell me you’re the jealous type?”

I took a chance and the light teasing proved to be effective seeing as how Makoto shook his head and after planting a fairly forceful and possessive kiss on my lips asked if I wanted to go to a bar nearby for a “proper date”.

Soon enough we were clinking glasses and talking about his vacation.

“I thought about you the whole time, you know...”

“You’re not serious?”

“My buddies kept grilling me on whether or not I was dating someone. Every time I texted you I got so much crap from them.”

“I didn’t think guys did that...”

“Of course they do.”

“I mean, we just met so you didn’t say anything right?”

“That was the plan but by the fifth day they’d kinda worn me down and I showed them a picture of you.”

“Ahhh how embarrassing!”

“What did you and that guy do?”

“Guy?”

“Your friend that brought you flowers. Did you talk about me with him? Probably not right...”

“We got food and saw a movie and caught up. I didn’t talk about you, though I wouldn’t have hidden you either. Also...of everyone I’ve met since my ex, you’re the first viable boyfriend candidate and I mean that so don’t be jealous.”

You would have thought with the way he was acting Makoto would have been relieved to hear that, but upon hearing the word “boyfriend” I watched as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on edge. It was as if I’d proposed marriage and I was forced to endure a shift from loving and sweet to awkward and slightly cold.

Regardless of whatever had changed, the drinks continued to flow as I attempted to get things back on track. With that said, Makoto was never quite the same with me after that. He still came back to my place and in an intoxicated haze we hooked up on my fresh sheets.

At one point I found myself writhing under him and somehow faintly smelled Kazumi’s scent despite how implausible that was.

I’ll be honest, I got there but it was not my proudest moment.

Makoto didn’t stay over, and as we lay in bed he asked a few questions about how many guys were chasing after me.

“I mean, I haven’t gone on another first date...”

“You could of you wanted, you know. I’m not telling you that you can’t Mako.”

“I’m just saying. I haven’t but like, you must have a queue from using it.”

“A queue? That wasn’t the best word choice you know. You make me sound like a common whore and if anything I’m a high class escort.”

I hoped the crude joke would drive my point home but something had clearly happened that was making Makoto act so strange.

“Yeah, sorry - I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Makoto...I like you. I’m telling you that despite having gone on dates before you, right now I’m interested in you. Meeting you reminded me how I should be treated by someone, so no matter what happens here - thank you.”

Makoto wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Instead, he picked his boxers off the floor and muttered something about not wanting to keep me up late.

I walked him to the door and he kissed me roughly before leaving me a bit befuddled and when I looked over my shoulder, I couldn’t help but notice that Kazumi’s tulip buds were a little more opened.

I broke my rule that night about not sending the first text after a date with a guy. My anxiety was getting the better of me, and I just didn’t want to leave things as they were with Makoto. I didn’t know what I’d done exactly, and the idea of losing the guy that made sense, who was safe, frightened me.

I drafted a few messages and after about ten minutes sent the following:

Hey. I feel like you have this really weird impression of me that I’m just being chased by all these men and that’s not true. Also, I know you just started with all this dating stuff and I’m not saying that I like you to try and limit you. I just want you to know that for me, I am hoping to see where we go.

It got an instant read receipt and then I was forced to endure a limbo of 27 minutes before Makoto replied with a typo ridden message of “kthanz you”

I had a tough time sleeping that night.

I tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep for hours as my mind raced. I was thinking about both men - a love triangle that I was in where neither of them seemed to want me most.

With my unease getting the better of me, I gave up on sleeping and for the first time sinceI’d met Makoto I decided to open the app with the hope of confirming/denying if my paranoia was appropriate.

He wasn’t online considering the fact it was 2 in the morning, but he had changed his photos after our date.

I felt as my heart sank and I closed the app.

I stayed up for a few more hours attempting to sift through what I was feeling. I knew myself well enough to know that the cause of that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach was not merely a rejection, but something far more complex.

For the first time since I’d met Kazumi, three weeks after my breakup with Shizuo, I felt completely single.

It was a weird feeling, looking at that phone and feeling as if there was no one in it that wanted me and was there for me the way I was used to a boyfriend being. Despite his flaws, Shizuo had been there. He’d done his boyfriend chores of following up with me everyday or bringing me groceries - he even put clothes on and picked me up once in the middle of the night when I got stranded at work after the trains stopped running.

But now...

...now I was alone.

Even though I hadn’t explicitly told Makoto I liked someone else more than him it was obvious he’d picked up on something. Taking into consideration his backstory of pining for someone for years and having to watch as she moved forward with someone else, it made sense that he’d be a little insecure and paranoid about other guys.

Throughout the night he’d made comments about how pretty I was and how I might be the prettiest girl who ever liked him back. He told me that upon showing my picture to his friends they’d told him to “lock it down” before “she realizes how inept you are at dating dude”.

Now though, I knew it was over. 

There was nothing I could say or do - I had flown too close to the sun and now the good guy, the one that was most likely the proper pick for me was out of the running.

Then, there was Kazumi, who managed to be present and absent at the same time. He felt like a proxy boyfriend in so many ways, yet the second we were apart he was a bachelor and I couldn’t hold it against him. The question was, what did I want from him?

Did I want him to be my proxy boyfriend? Or would he ultimately distract from finding something real with someone else who could be present when I was ready one day?

The uncomfortable feeling grew, but I finally knew what it was that I needed to do in order to find peace.

I had to say goodbye to both.

I’ve never written a Dear John letter to someone I’m not technically with, but I figured it was best sent as an email and not a TalkTime message. I struggled with the language for a bit before finally coming up with the following:

Dear Kazu,

I know you're off on your book tour being smart and amazing but I'm here in Tokyo and after thinking about things, I’ve realized that I don’t think I can talk to you anymore.

I don't want to do this and I know it’s kinda dramatic of me to send this letter, but after seeing you I started to feel a lot. I completely understand where you are but the truth is now that you’re gone I just feel sad and a little jealous and that’s not like me.

I’ve started to have real feelings for you and that’s incredibly scary so I think I should bow out now before I get hurt.

I’m just not brave enough for this.

Thanks for coming into my life when you did. You’ve helped me with a lot and I’ve come to realize that you’re someone with a piece of my heart. At this moment I can’t give you any more knowing where you are and should this continue I just don’t see how I would avoid doing that.

Sorry - I wish I could be cooler about this but I guess I just like you too much.

Emi

Before I had a chance to talk myself out of it, I hit the send button.

After that, I slept surprisingly well. 

Of course I was sad, but for the first time in months things felt calm and I was learning what it was to be single again. That next morning I cried a little upon the realization that I’d never see Kazu again, but I had to stay strong.

I met up with Yuri for brunch and told her everything that had happened that weekend. I thought she’d be surprised, but she listened with a skeptical expression.

“So...you think you went from 2 guys, to zero guys this weekend.”

“Not think. I know I did.”

“Mmm I don’t know Emi. I don’t see either of them letting you go this easily. At least not Kazumi. I worry he’s a player and you’re the perfect situation for him right now.”

“No way. I just sent him an email ending it. If I’m just a fun thing for him he’s going to let go rather than fight for it.”

“I just wouldn’t be surprised if they both come back, that’s all.”

“Yuri - aren’t you the one that’s always telling me about how guys ghost? How are you possibly saying that they’ll -”

Several chimes from my phone alerted me to incoming messages, interrupting our conversation. Yuri raised an eyebrow and with a smirk asked, “Kazumi?”

I looked down and saw that I’d gotten 5 messages from him and nodded.

“Open it - what did he say?”

I grimaced a little, reminding myself that it was over, that it was for the best and he was probably going to just say goodbye in those texts.

Sunshine - no.

I...I’m really shocked and I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you but I need time to reply properly.

Please don’t rush into this.

Please give us some time - I like you too much to just say goodbye.

I will write you later. Please though...please consider me.

When I looked up Yuri watched me with a smug expression.

“You should still let him go if that’s what you want.”

“I...”

“Emi...seriously though. You’re my friend. I’ve watched you the past few years with Shizuo. Before him, I saw you with Ryo, and before that Shu, and before that Mamoru. You’re a really sweet, giving person and you tend to like guys that are a little selfish. But you know what, now is the time for you to be selfish. To put you first. So what do you want? It doesn’t matter what Kazumi wants - what does Emi want?”

I felt really lucky in that moment to have a friend like Yuri, and I couldn’t supress the emotion that began to bubble up. 

I’ve always had this narrative in my head that people don’t really like me. It probably stems from a falling out I had with a best friend in my formative years, but it’s something that’s haunted me as an adult and in my relationships with men.

In the back of my mind I worry that I’m unlovable, and that at some point the men I’m with will ultimately tire of me and leave. Perhaps it’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I also think it makes me put others before myself.

It’s why I cater to people when I should stand my ground.

Yet, here was Yuri, someone I’ve known since college and a friend for over ten years at this point. She hadn’t left, nor had she tired of me.

She was telling me the thing that I’ve never been able to tell myself.

It’s ok to be selfish.

Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face and Yuri had moved her seat next to mine as she tried to comfort me by rubbing my back.

“I don’t know Yuri. I don’t know what I want or what to do. I miss having a boyfriend - my old life when I didn’t have to deal with any of this,” I managed to squeak out in between sobs.

“I understand. But maybe that means you shouldn’t be with anyone right now, at least, not until you can figure that out.”

I nodded, but I wasn’t entirely convinced.

Picking up on it she sighed and with a smile said, “Well...you don’t have to decide anything right now ok? Though...I wouldn’t mind splitting some pancakes if you’re up for picking a flavor with me.”

I laughed through my tears and said, “I think I can handle that.”

Keep reading in Part 6

I hope you guys are enjoying this story as much as my purely fictional works and that you’ll comment and share with thoughts.

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[miniwixoide]

srvy

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? uhhhh guess not

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? no !!!

Do you like someone? yes

Is a best friend pissing you off right now? no

Are you happier now or three months ago? now !!!

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? umm generally just feeling good :p

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? idkkk

Are you waiting for something? i'm literally on hold on the phone at work yes

If you could change your eye color would you? yeah i'd want them black

What was the weather like today? perfect :) except for the tiny drizzle

Do you think you’ll be married in ten years? no

Does your ex still love/like you? idfk probably not

Are you stubborn? not really, depends about what tho

Do you tend to hold a grudge? just for things that are realllly wrong

Where were you at 9am this morning? in my bed reading about true crime getting spooked

How has the week been? good :)

Did you go out or stay in last night? stayed in

Something you do a lot? work lmao

How many states have you lived in? province, one

Can you commit to one person? yes

Who was the last person to hold your hand? iam

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? too many lmfao

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years? yes

What do you miss most about your ex? the drugs they gave me lmfao

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? yesss

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? gemini

Something you really want right now? i wish i wasn't at work. and i want sweet things to eat or drink

How long have you liked the person you like? about 2 months now

Does any part of your body hurt right now? no

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? maybe, we were outside on the street

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? yeah now

Are you happy with the way things are going? yeah but scared

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? idkkk

What plans do you have for tomorrow? thrift shopping with emma and finally seeing my brother (and my dad)

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? kind of yeah

Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? not my all but a LOT. rofl

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? na

Do you and your last ex hate each other? i hate him yea. maybe he hates me too idk !

When was the last time you were sick? months ago

Are you one of those people who are always cold? na

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? yeah but i'm getting better !!!

Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yeah

When was the last time you got a haircut? i cut my bangs last week

Did you sing at all today? no :(

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? no

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? texting i think or about the ame

If you won a trip to a nude beach would you go or give the trip away? i would go, i've always wanted to try it

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? love !

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? neither idk !

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? ballerina even though it looks extremely hard

Honestly - can you say that looks don’t matter at ALL? no

When it comes to Baseball would you rather be on the field or in the stands? in the stands but neither honestly

I’ve got to know, who do you prefer: Mario or Luigi? mario !!!

Have you ever changed clothes in a public area (not a dressing room)? yes

How many months apart is your birthday from your best friends? not sure like 14?

Yes or no: Techno music? yes

Yes or no: pigtails? on some people yeah

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? no

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? probably rofl

Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? stubble but not a full grown mustache no

If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? nooo

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? yes

Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? yes, sending eachother screenshots of funny things and talked about boys

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? funny

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? i'm more emotional but i wouldn't call them mood swings no

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? yeah

How old is your oldest cousin? idk in their thirties

What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? she wouldn't wanna do that lmao !!

Your last relationship, who dumped who? i dumped him

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? 15

Is your home town nice? yeah

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? that would be okay

When/where did your last hug take place? i think the day before last, i hugged my friends at the park

Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? yeah

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? yes

You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? secret

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? yesss

Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? yes

What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? i'm not interested

Do you believe in love at first sight? Explain. no you can't love someone without knowing them

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? yeah, home because work is boring and i wanna watch degrassi :p

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? not drastically but yeah i need to avoid some songs. ahaha

Can you remember what you dreamt about last night? some elements yes

[jamlessflowerboys-blog]

hi writer-unnie! its that anon again~ i wanna request another! can I request the part 2 of the toxic relationship? i really liked it and im on my way of helping my friend out~

Ahhh! Hello again lovely anonnie! Still don’t know if I’m older ahaha~ I was getting around to doing that, but since you requested, I can just answer you instead! Love you too and your such a good friend! xoxo Might do a pt 3, pt 2 is gonna be about the boys wellbeing after the argument

JUNGKOOK - 

Jungkook, as stubborn as he is, wouldn’t leave his room. His hyungs tried everything to console him, but all they received in return was silence.

“Jungkook, open up. This is has gone for far too long.” Jin pounded on his dorm room door.

But it was true. Jungkook was cooped up inside his room for the longest time ever. He hadn’t eaten anything in days. He had the hardest time going to sleep because of the nightmares of harming you again occurring to him. Because of him stressing, he’d be breaking out a lot more, causing the stylists to freak out. But he couldn’t care less. He only wanted to make things up with you.

But how could he? He was the one to hit you.

“Jungkook, don’t make us come in there you rascal.” Jimin called from the other side of the door.

“Dammit, we’re gonna bust this door open.” Namjoon said, grabbing Jin by the arm and stepping a few metres away from the door. “You guys should move aside.” Jin and Namjoon were the two strongest members next to Jungkook, so Namjoon took it upon himself and Jin to ram his door down. 

“One… two…” Jin and Namjoon charged towards the door with their full strength. The door opened crookedly. 

“Again.” Jin instructed, as they charged towards the door once again. The door fell down, as Jin and Namjoon halted to a stop inside the room.

“Jeon Jungkook enough is–” Jin gasped in shock and Namjoon stopped and stared.

There Jungkook was, as expected. But not as they expected him to be. The other four rushed in, checking on their maknae in worry.

“Jungkook!” Taehyung rushed to the youngest’s side. Jungkook lay there unconscious, most likely due to lack of food, water and sleep.

“What the hell…” Yoongi’s face turned paler than he was, if possible.

Taehyung lifted Jungkook onto his lap, cradling his upper body like a child. They all knew their maknae was the strongest, but no way, no how without eating and resting.

“Is he… alive…?” Jimin’s voice was shaky. Namjoon slowly bent down beside Taehyung.

“D-Don’t touch him!” Tae turned his shoulder to shield Namjoon away.

“Tae… please… we need to know…” Jin calmed his younger member and ushered Namjoon towards them.

Namjoon placed his fingers under Jungkook’s neck. “He’s still alive. Just passed out.”

“Can we get him to the hospital?” Yoongi folded his arms.

Namjoon stood up and nodded. 

“But someone needs to call Y/N.”

TAEHYUNG -

“Everyone, dinner’s ready.” Jin called, as everyone excitedly walked into the dining room. All except one. Taehyung.

Ever since he made the mistake of abusing you, he wasn’t himself. He’d become blank and cold to everyone who tried to come in contact with him and was never the bubbly, weird Taehyung they usually knew.

Taehyung grabbed his plate of food and walked out of the dining room into the lounge without saying a word. The six others’ gazes followed him. They looked at each other in concern.

“I’ll go talk to him.” Taehyung’s fellow ‘95 liner said, getting up and leaving the table. Jimin ran a hand through his hair and saw his friend’s back, staring at the black screen of the TV. His plate was on the coffee table, untouched.

“Taehyung-ah.” Jimin leapt over the couch back and sat beside him.

Taehyung turned his head slowly to look at him, and then back at the TV. “Hello.”

“Hey, I was wondering, there’s this girl I want you to meet. I hit her–”

“Hit?” Taehyung’s voice suddenly spoke, sharp and cold like the blade of a knife.

“No… I mean… I hit her up… like… I talked to her.” Jimin corrected his choice of words.

“Hit.” Taehyung repeated his word, but in a monotone way.

“Taehyung… have you tried to call her?”

Taehyung stood up, scaring Jimin all of a sudden.

“Do you know how many times I’ve tried?! I’ve texted her. I’ve called her. I’ve sent voicemails. I’ve been sending her damned letters Jimin!” Tae sank back into the sofa, tears suddenly cascading down his eyes. “It h-hurts Jimin…”

Jimin’s heart stung for his friend, as he brought him into a brotherly hug.

“Y-You know how many times I’ve felt like my life was over…?” He muttered, his voice slightly cracking.

“I know Tae… it hurts… it sucks…” Jimin rubbed Taehyung’s back and stroked his head softly. “But we’ll get her back… I promise. You have to prove how much her worth is to you.”

JIMIN -

Monster.

That word resonated into Jimin’s mind, echoing over and over again.

He had no reason to be upset about it though, because he did something even worse.

He was laying on his bed, facing the wall, away from Hoseok.

“Jimin?” Hobi called, but he ignored it. He seemed to close of any connections he had with the boys or anyone for that matter.

Jimin was noticably skinny, his puffy cheeks reduced to hollows.

A dark black void sucked him into a nightmare.

“Y/N…?” He saw you sitting on a park swing. He approached your cautiously.

As if you felt his presence, you turned around and let out a mighty scream at his face. Jimin cowered at your shrill shriek.

“M-Monster!” You ran away from him, disappearing into sunset coloured dust.

“Y/N!” Jimin cried out, his knees buckling, causing him to fall to the ground. “Y/N!”

He sat up from his sudden nightmare, a layer of sweat and tears coating his body and his pillow. 

“Jimin!” Hoseok was by his bed, his hands on his shoulder. He must have shaken him awake. Jimin burst into tears, curling up into a ball. Hoseok stared at him shocked, but nonetheless, took his brother into his arms lovingly.

“It’s okay… We… We really need to call Y/N…”

NAMJOON -

Now, we all know that Namjoon wasn’t called the ‘God of Destruction’ for nothing.

But after you stormed out on him, he seemed to be more destruction prone, and less apologetic about it.

“Hey, Namjoon-hyung, have you see my–” Jimin wakjed into Namjoon and Taehyung’s room, only to see Namjoon’s side of the room scattered with half broken belongings. Jimin caught sight of his favourite sunglasses, one of the arms detached from the rest.

“Yah! My glasses!” Jimin quickly recovered his sunglasses and caught sight of Namjoon with his head on his computer desk. “Hyung?”

He approached Namjoon and stood by his side.

“Hyung are you–” Namjoon lifted his head up and swung his hand mindlessly at Jimin. Jimin flinched, squeezing his eyes shut, anticipating the impact. 

Nothing.

Jimin opened his eyes and looked at Namjoon. His hand was barely centimetres away from his face. His hyung suddenly pulled his dongsaeng in, silently crying into his chest.

“I need Y/N, Jimin… I don’t know what to do…”

HOSEOK -

Hobi woke up the next day, only to find himself alone on the couch. You must have left when he fell asleep. He quickly sat up on the couch, causing him to fall off and hit the floor.

“Hyung?!” Taehyung ran into the dorm’s lounge room suddenly. When the other six boys came home, they had caught sight of you and Hoseok sleeping on the couch. As they began to poke fun and move closer to you, they realised that you both had been crying. In confusion and worry, they talked about it in Jungkook’s room however they couldn’t quite put their finger on it.

“Taehyungie, where’s Y/N…?” He said with a shaky voice, standing up slowly to face his donsaeng.

“I… I don’t know hyung… wasn’t she with you before?”

Hobi looked around the room frantically. “She– she must have left…” He sat down on the couch and sank down in it miserably. 

“What happened last night hyung? Were you guys crying…?” Taehyung sat down next to him in concern.

“I…” Hobi tried to console in his friend, but he couldn’t find the heart to tell him. “I… we…”

Taehyung placed a hand on Hoseok’s thigh in reassurance.

“Tae… I hit… hit… Y/N…” His voice wavered unstably. Taehyung could see his tear ducts becoming flooded.

“Hyung…” The younger one was taken aback by his sudden confession. Hobi’s tears began to drag down his face as he pulled Tae close to him, seeking safety. “What you did… was bad… maybe worse than bad…”

“I-I know…”

“But I’ll get her to forgive you somehow. We all will.”

YOONGI -

``Yoongi-ah. Your food.`` Jin held a plate of food one hand, knocking on Yoongi’s studio door with the other.

``Just leave it outside.`` He heard Yoongi voice grumble in irritation.

``Last time I left it outside, you hadn’t touched one bit.`` This had gone on for a week after your argument. Yoongi was cooped up in his studio, trying to write music. When Namjoon peeped inside, there was a huge trash can full of crumpled notebook pages.

``Look, can you just leave it outside and leave me alone...?`` The second oldest’s voice raised disrespectfully at Seokjin.

``Listen here, I don’t know what’s your problem, but you better stop taking it out on me or any of the other guys...!`` Jin raised his voice in reply.

``So what? If you’d all stop asking me what’s wrong and ‘eff off, you wouldn’t be butt hurt!``

``Don’t make me come in there Min Yoongi! You think you’re witty but you probably won’t throw a punch if your life depended on it!``

Jin heard footsteps within the studio and the door suddenly swung open. A heavy eye-bagged Yoongi glared at Jin.

``Say it again hyung. I dare you.`` Yoongi taunted, wanting to take out his anger on his older friend.

``You think you’re witty, but you’re just scared because you messed up with Y/N.`` Jin said slowly and clearly.

Yoongi slapped the plate of food out of JIn’s hand and threw a jab at his stomach. Jin yelped and stumbled back, surprised at his action. In retaliation, he took Yoongi by the shoulder’s and slammed him into the wall.

Alarmed, the rest of the boys rush into the corridor.

``What the hell?!`` Namjoon rips Jin away from Yoongi hurriedly as Hoseok and Jimin hold Jin back.

``What are you doing Jin-hyung?!`` Hobi shrieked in disbelief.

``Why don’t you ask smart ass?`` 

Yoongi stared at the others blankly, as Namjoon put a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. Suddenly, Yoongi turned around and thrusted a fist at the wall.

``I need to fix things with Y/N.``

JIN - 

``Hyung... I know this isn’t the best time, but could you please drop me to school?`` Jungkook stands at Jin’s door. The eldest hyung was at his computer desk, staring at his phone. He was scrolling through photos of him and you, trying to prevent his tears. 

When Jungkook suddenly appeared, he quickly switched off his phone and blinked his tears away.

``Yeah sure, let me get my jacket.`` Jin slowly stood up and grabbed his jacket from his bed before leaving to the car with the maknae.

The car ride was silent, the soft patter of rain was the only audio offer to the boys.

``Hyung.``

``Mmm.``

``What happened with you and Y/N...?`` Jungkook knew he shouldn’t ask, but he felt like he needed to help his hyung. Everyone as well as Jungkook was worried for Seokjin.

Jin sharply turned at the u-turn, surprising Jungkook.

``We’re... sorting out some things, don’t ask, okay?``

``But hyung, if there’s something wrong, you should tell us.`` The youngest pushed his lucky slightly.

``Look, everyone makes mistakes and I happened to make a really stupid one.`` Jin’s voice grew slightly annoyed.

``What did you do?``

Seokjin’s foot pushed harder on the acceleration pedal, causing them to speed up. Jungkook showed slight signs of fright and nervousness but he wanted to help his hyung first.

``Please don’t ask--``

``But hyung--``

Remembering the crack of his hand against your cheek caused Jin to sharply veer off the road. On instinct, Jungkook quickly opened the door and tumbled out of the car onto the side walk, gathering a few scraped on his arms and legs.

``Jin-hyung!`` Jungkook shakily stood up. People gaped at him, trying to help him up, but he pushed through. He suddenly heard the screech of tires and a loud shatter and crash. The maknae ran as fast as his legs could take him, towards the sound source. A small, but still fairly large tongue of flames enveloped the engine of Jin’s pickup truck, and splinters of glass and metal were scattered at the scene. 

``Seokjin-hyung!`` Jungkook spotted his older friend unconscious, still strapped inside the driver’s seat. Jungkook pried the door open with all his might and pulled him out.

``Hyung!`` Jungkook laid Jin on his lap. There was blood trickling down from his crown and he was bleeding out from all sorts of areas on his body.

Jungkook’s eyes filled with tears, as he cried out for help. Not long after, he heard the loud sirens of the ambulance

``It will be okay hyung... the ambulance are coming... they’ll fix you...`` Jungkook cradled Seokjin in his arms reassuringly.

``Everything will be okay...``

my feels are actually hurt right now ;-; but I hope you enjoyed that~

[imrama-within]

I still feel so stuck in my life.

Things improved for me...a lot. I know exactly what it feels like to be me again, and happy. Really happy. However of late I’ve been over-thinking and over-analysing all of these old memories and relationships from the past. That’s when my psych said that I’ve been triggered by a couple of things. And she’s right about that. So naturally my brain is starting to head back down. Hence some pretty shitty, feelings on loneliness months. I’m still really struggling with being gay. Okay, I am putting myself out there, I can have conversations with friends about it and not go into full panic mode, my siblings know, many of my work colleagues know. I have been on a couple of dates. People have openly shown interest in me, but I still feel so static in my progress. It’s so weird how I still keep thinking to myself nothing is ever going to change. WHAT? Are you blind lady! Read the above paragraph, a lot has changed. And yet: Am I ever going to be comfortable with who I am? Am I ever going to find someone to do life with? Am I ever going to be open and vulnerable enough to let someone do life with me? There are so many ‘Am I ever going to...’. I can’t share them all on here though, because it makes me feel pathetic and ashamed, and I hate that!!

Last year I started talking to this girl. I really, really enjoyed our conversations and looked forward to her replies. She's smart, clever, witty and solo sarcastic. She's also a Doctor, a composer and just so natural. On New Years Eve (but day), I had come home from yoga and was lying on the floor of my lounge room marinating in my own sweat when I read her latest message to me, ' Well it's super soon but I'm leaving A**** today because I'm going to work in D*****. They super need doctors, so yeah. Sorry, it's a bit of surprise. I guess I got the vibe you prefer just to chat rather than meet up. So anyway my number is….'

I texted her straight away and was like whoa, definitely a surprise!! Said I remembered that she was leaving, but didn't realise it was so soon and said I had planned on asking her out before she left and that I wasn't sure what her vibe was either. Then there was banter about how her grand concert band invite was apparently too subtle. I think we had been talking for maybe a few days when she asked me to come. I was actually busy and if I was free I would have gone. But she didn't ask me again.

So…we arranged to meet within the next hour. I was hungry as I hadn't eaten all morning and seeing as I had just gone to yoga and it was lunch time. Having a half-date type situation over a meal seemed appropriate. I walked into the cafe and straight away my name gets called out. I look around and it's my boss with her best friend and her husband. I chatted to her for about 5 minutes (just stuff. My boss and I get along really well. We're going mushroom picking next weekend. haha…I was sad because it's a family tradition of mine and I missed out. Just so happens it's a huge thing her family does too. So she's going to show me where to go forage for some! So excited!!!) Then the boss asks me what I'm doing and I tell her that I'm kind of on a date :/, but that she was leaving that day. And that's how I came out to my boss. Now, I had to go sit at my table and have my back to my boss, because it was just going to be way too weird if I know she was looking at me.

I saw her standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road and hailed her down as she walked in. It was lovely, I really like her 'great'. But she's leaving…great. (I just realised how weird the word 'great' looks…) After she left we texted and said that she had considered proposing the idea that she stay and we hang out for NYE. But decided on second thought it might have been too much for one day. I told her it was a nice thought, but she would have totally freaked me out.

She's been gone for 4.5 months now. She said she has a 6 month contract and depending on how it goes she might come back. I haven't really spoken to her consistently for ages though. Kind of faded out. Which is disappointing for me. Because I actually liked/like her. But I haven't verbalised that…and I won't. I wrote her a letter that I will never send. Man…this all sounds so High School. But for me it's really about frustration. The dating pool her is VERY SMALL! I keep going back home to Sydney and constantly have people start chatting to me (due to my location settings going off in the app) and I'm like…yeah I kind of live 6 hours away. One girl even asked my out on a date today! Told her I would love to, but kinda not down the road. Plus she was going to buy me wine, so that sounded like a win. Ahaha…

*sighs* I just don't know.

[yukiwrites]

Where Your Loyalty Lies [6/??]

Summary:  Kamui’s kidnapping didn’t go as planned – She managed to get away and ended up at Silas’ doorstep. They were raised as siblings, but she has always felt different; her fangs and red eyes and urges to run amok, what did they all mean? Will going to the castle as the Crown Prince’s retainer help her find more clues? Will the war between Nohr and Hoshido be the answer to everything?  

Previous chapter <=> AO3 <=> Next chapter

Chapter 6: Choosing her own path

Kamui had received the first aid necessary for her ribs as well as a good dose of healing magic. If she took good care of it, she would heal in time to get home for their official Knighting ceremony.

Her injury didn’t stop Gallhard from bear-hugging both of his pupils once they met again at the reception desk. “I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, LAD AND LASS!” He twirled them around and only stopped when Kamui protested under laughs.

“Ahaha-ouch, M-master!” She giggled, feeling her insides turning into mush by his strong grip.

“Whops, yer ribs.” He put both down and aggressively patted their backs, “yer injured but not dead, eh? WE PARTAY TONIGHT!”

Silas smiled proudly, the corners of his mouth hurting. “And it’ll be on me!” He lifted the gold bag he’d gotten as a prize for winning.

“Bahaha!” Gallahard threw his head back in laughter. “My secret plan worked!” He joked before turning to the exit. “Le’s go, le’s go! I know a place with the tastiest mead ‘round here in the underground.”

Despite her injury, Kamui accompanied her master in chugging down one or two mugs while her brother let out worried noises every time she took a sip. “You can’t drink while hurt, Kamui! Your wounds will take longer to heal.”

“And how does it feel to be the one paying for that?” She giggled (if she let out anything louder than a chuckle, her insides would hurt) and poked at his ribs, where he was very ticklish. “It’s okay, Brother, I won’t overdo it. Tonight we celebrate! You should be happier for winning, Mr. Champion!” She teased, poking him even more.

“H-hey, cut it out! I’m being serious here—” He tried to scold, but ended up snorting because of the tickles and couldn’t hold a laugh in. The night was just starting and they had much to talk about now that they had their master’s approval.

Between mugs, Gallahard hiccupped how he had planned their knighting ceremony and how he had already sent pre-invitations to his chevalier acquaintances from his time at the army. All of them would bear witness of Gallahard’s approval of his squires and would serve as patrons to the newly knighted duo.

Seeing that the Lantanoir family was one of knights, the accolade ceremony at the royal castle wasn’t a requirement – and, in times of war, it was a cumbersome formality. Since a few years back, there were only two times a knight was to be brought before the king: If they performed an act of extreme bravery on the battlefield so they would be deemed a hero of war or; if His Majesty the King were to appoint a new retainer for himself or the royal siblings.

Immediately after the public ceremony to a collective of veteran knights, a written pledge would be sent to the castle anticipating the newly knighted’s arrival. Only then they would receive their orders, ranks, badges, uniforms and lodging depending on how many seasoned knights vouched for their skills.

And Sir Gallahard knew his fellow warriors well. He served under the King himself during his days, making his vouch a tremendous weight by itself.

They would return in seven days – their master needed to confirm the presence of the acquaintances that lived nearby before taking the five-day trip back home. He would also send a letter preceding their arrival so the Lantanoir household could start the preparations for the festivities.

“I can’t wait to see Father’s reaction to our knighthood.” Silas scratched the side of his mug after a few hours of drinking, already feeling sleepy and rather drunk.

“Wanna bet that he’ll cry?” Gallahard snorted. “He was a hardworking young lad when I ‘as training ‘im. He got really frustrated when his leg didn’t heal well.”

Kamui kept turning her mug around, finding it amusing. “We gotta do well on the ceremony. To make him proud.”

“Mhm.” Silas agreed, slouching on his seat beside Kamui’s, exhaustion weighting his eyelids.

Their master snorted. “Ya’ll boring drunks, lemme tell ya.” He had drunk at least five times more than both siblings but apart from his rosy cheeks, he was mostly sober and always ready for more mead. “Le’s head back ‘fore I hafta carry you both on me shoulders. The first night as a knight! Fancy pun, eh? Bahahah!” He threw his head back, surprising the half-asleep Silas into waking up.

The extra week they had to stay was a great help in Kamui’s recovery as well as a blow into her curious nature. She wanted to explore the capital and, most of all, its libraries. She was at the center of knowledge of the entire Nohr and had to house sit due to being over-confident.

“And even if I were to look into the books regarding mythical creatures, most of them aren’t for take out.” Silas informed her one evening after taking a tour at the Records Hall, the largest athenaeum second only to the Royal Castle. He took his pouty sister’s hand on his, “we’ll have all the time of the world to read them once we’re stationed at the castle, right? Cheer up.”

She pouted more, though remembering about their knighthood made a smirk grow on one side of her mouth. Kamui might’ve be more used to her own body, yes, but that still did not explain what she exactly was nor what to do to completely control it. However, what Silas spoke was true, or at least half-true. “All right, I’ll stay put and I promise not to worry about that anymore… for now.” She huffed, squeezing his hand. “Though we won’t have all the time of the world, Brother. We’ll be working.”

“Ahaha, that’s true!” He chuckled, getting up from his crouching position by Kamui’s chair and sitting on the one opposite of hers, waiting for the tea that was being brought in. “But as long as we’re here, we can absorb the information anytime.”

“Alright, Brother, you’ve convinced me. Let’s hope time passes by fast so we can quickly come back and finally start our lives as knights.”

Their Knighting Ceremony was scheduled to happen a month after the battle at the Pit, so they actually could stay a bit longer, but even though the Lantanoir siblings would love to bask in knowledge, they wanted to present themselves as knights before their parents as soon as possible. Thus they went home after Sir Gallahard was done with his visits.

“We coulda stayed more, girlie. Yer not completely healed from those ribs yet.” He said on their first day of travel, inside the carriage. Beside him, his youngest pupil scoffed.

“Psh, Master. You broke way more bones than just these and I recovered from them just as quickly, right? I think they’re thicker than they should by now.”

Silas and Gallahard both laughed, albeit in different volumes. “With THAT, I can’t argue!” The master said, still laughing. The trip back was filled with these much-needed light-hearted moments. Kamui and Silas both would need the memory of those days for the news waiting for them at home would be sure to change their lives once and for all.

Both youths started to fidget on their seats once the carriage entered the Lantanoir property. They talked about how they would present themselves for their parents and how they needed to rehearse for the ceremony, all under Sir Gallahard’s proud laughs.

“I bet if ye salute even before talking wid them, yer pop’s gonna crack! Bahaha!”

Kamui’s eyes glittered with the prospect of making her beloved family proud and the short minutes it took the carriage to reach the mansion’s front gates were filled with the siblings’ plans for entrances.

Eleonore and Leopold, alongside the butler Winston and the handmaid Clara were expecting the carriage outside of the open gate; Lord and Lady’s faces plastered with proud and eager smiles.

Before the coachman had a chance to reach the carriage’s door, it was kicked open by a grinning Gallahard. “Miss me?! Bahaha!” He guffawed, jumping out without using the steps. Lady Lantanoir’s shoulders sagged visibly while Leopold snorted.

“Welcome back, friend. I hear our children did well on the tournament.” Lord Lantanoir said, doing a half bow in acknowledgement to his former master.

“If they did well?!” He asked, curving his body forward before throwing his head back in laughter. “They did GREAT!” After saying that, he pointed to the still open door at the exact time Kamui followed by Silas jumped out in their training uniforms and immediately saluted.

“Sir Silas, reporting in!” The young noble said, his face a bit flushed with embarrassment. Beside him, his sister’s smile shone with pride.

“Dame Kamui reporting in!” The corners of her mouth almost hurt due to the size of her grin as both of them puffed their chests. 

Leopold had to press his lips into a thin line in order to suppress his emotion; his eyes as watery as they could get. The pride in his heart! Look at how those two young and inseparable children grew into!

Eleonore’s reaction was a bit more conflicted, albeit still overjoyed in the end; she had the issue about Kamui’s actual roots, her motivations and, of course, the letter they had gotten a few days before Gallahard’s. It was sealed with the Royal Stamp.

Nevertheless, she still brought one hand to cover her mouth in emotion, her eyes shining with tears. How proud they were of their newly acquired title! She felt her heart bubbling with emotion as she opened both arms to embrace her children.

“Welcome home, my darlings.” She managed to say despite the lump in her throat, walking towards both newly knighted youths.

“We’re home, M-mother.” Kamui stuttered as Eleonore’s warmth embraced her, snuggling her face into the Lady’s shoulder. Silas did the same, though he wasn’t able to speak due to the emotion.

After their welcoming at the gates, the finally-reunited family went to a tea room in order to report all of the happenings at The Pit as well as to ensure both Lord and Lady about Kamui’s recovery. “Ah, it will always pain me to hear about any wounds you suffer, my children.” Eleonore held Kamui’s hand while looking at Silas, her mind glaring at Sir Gallahard. “To watch my young children being hurt and not being able to aid them...” She murmured, squeezing the young woman’s hand.

“Forgive me for worrying you, Mother. I was careless.” Kamui apologized, lowering her gaze to their hand hold. “I cannot promise it will not happen again, though.” She suppressed a laugh, excited about her new life as a knight.

“Posh, this is not a joke, my dear.” Eleonore reprimanded, but the frown on her brow was fainter. “Regarding that, Kamui; Silas.” She looked from one child to the other before exchanging glances with Winston, who was obediently on stand by close to the door. “Winston, if you please.”

“At once, milady.” The butler swiftly took a letter out of his vest with one hand, a letter opener sliding through his left cuff at the same time. With five graceful steps he was beside her with the already open envelope -- it had the Royal Stamp over the sealing wax.

“We received this letter with the Crown Prince’s seal three days before we’ve heard the news about your triumph at The Pit.” Eleonore handed the paper to Kamui as Silas reached for the envelope -- it was addressed to ‘Sir Silas Lantanoir & Dame Kamui Lantanoir’. “It has made us extremely anxious since it had both of your names and titles despite the lack of news from your part.” She added as Kamui skimmed through it.

“Strange,” Sir Gallahard crossed his arms, glancing at the paper from behind his apprentice. “I know I sent the news on the followin’ day so it shoulda arrived four or five days later, as usual.” Something caught his attention on the letter and he stretched his neck towards it, stealing it altogether from Kamui’s hands. “Wait a minute.” He got up and quickly reread the entire letter, frowning at the end. “HEY CLAUDE, YA THERE?” He yelled to the door’s direction, surprising everyone in the room.

“What was the paper about, Kamui?” Silas nudged his sister and whispered close to her while an unamused butler entered the room. The young woman had stayed silent the whole time, as though in shock.

“An invitation... to the next royal ball.” The words outpaced her actions as her unfocused eyes slowly met her brother’s. “The Crown Prince took notice of us at The Pit,” her expression started to brighten, “and invited us to the next royal ball!” She almost screamed, happy for actually being able to catch the Prince’s attention as she had planned.

Eleonore visibly gasped as Leopold gripped at the chair’s armrest. Haven’t they forgotten about the hunt they were making all those years ago?! Before either noble could interject, Gallahard handed the letter to Claude. “Hey, ‘member that one invitation I got some twenty or was it thirty ‘ears ago? Darlin’ was still ‘live and kickin’ an’ all.” Without even flinching, the butler nodded with his characteristic smile, as though they were speaking of a recent event. “Indeed I do, Sir.” How old is he?! Immediately ran through all four nobles’ heads as they widened their eyes to the young-looking butler. He hasn’t aged a day ever since Kamui and Silas met him. “Right. Write it up for me, will ya? Same calligraphy an’ all.” The Lantanoirs turned their flabbergasted faces to the knight before Claude’s response made them all turn to him. “At once, milord.” Eleonore took one hand to her mouth so as not to gap it, while Leopold and the young adults had theirs wide open. With a swift movement of his hand, Claude made it seem as though a paper appeared out of thin air alongside an inkpot. He soundlessly reached out for Winston who promptly gave him a feather. Both butlers had been used to working together as the head of the staff of the neighboring mansions and almost never needed words to communicate. Claude set off to a desk in order to write as Gallahard turned to the stunned nobles, as matter-of-factly as possible. “This ain’t no simple invitation to a ball, see.” He started, not noticing or not caring about their surprised looks, hitting the paper with two fingers. “You musta noticed, offa course, that the usual invitations take the Lord and Lady’s names on the envelope, contrary ta this ‘un.” They all turned to the Master, listening closely as he went on: “If the Lord’s from a fam’ payin’ the shield money like yourselves,” he pointed to Leopold and his two apprentices, “they’ll put an honorary title or soma that jazz, too. But here,” his smirk grew with a clear idea of the Prince’s intention in mind, “here they specified not only the girlie an’ the boy’s names, but their status, even though they weren’t out in the chevalier ranks yet. It’s like the Prince’s demanding them to be properly knighted by the time o’ the ball.” “Lord Xander wants them to present themselves as knights before him?” Eleonore almost stuttered, her heart beating wildly inside her chest. Gallahard pointed to the lady and nodded. “Yah. An’ tha’s not all.” He reached out for something behind him, as though he had it timed: Claude handed the copy of the letter at the exact time his liege moved. “If ye check here,” the knight placed the copy and the original side by side, “ye’ll see that some lines ar’ different around her’ and her’,” he pointed with his chin to the lines, Claude gracefully using a presentation baton to pinpoint the location. “And that’s the prince’s signature on yours, but tha’s not the most interesting part.” He let the suspense sink in all the while Claude returned to his resting position to make them look again at the calligraphy. “The best part is tha’ usually it’s the Master of Ceremonies, some Abbington fella or somethin’, that writes the letters. Tha’s his writin’ here tha’ Claude’s mimicked. See tha the one you guys got’s a lot different?” He looked at both apprentice’s eyes before turning back to the paper. “This here was either written by the prince himself or by his stuck-up retainer,” he looked up, trying to remember the name, “some Rich-somethin’.”

“It is not unusual to have the Prince’s or even the King’s signature on an invitation.” Winston commented from behind Claude, who concurred.

“Yah.” Gallahard nodded, “’s why the best part is that he ordered it all special for the girlie an’ the boy AN’ signed it.” He handed one letter to each apprentice and crossed his arms, a proud smile on his lips. “This all can only mean one thing: He wants to put ye both under his command, and his IMMEDIATE command at that. Prolly a retainer or somethin’.” The Master placed one hand over his chin, in thought, “if I ‘member correctly, stuck-up’s partner kicked it some one or two ‘ears ‘go.”

Kamui momentarily forgot her original plan of finishing wars in order to find out what she was due to Sir Gallahard’s speech. Serving under the Prince himself!

Suddenly, the Master threw his head back in laughter. “Bahaha! Now le’s just hope that this Princeling’s better than ‘is dad, eh? So he won’t pit you two ‘gainst each other to have the survivor serve ‘im and all that.”

He truly meant it as a joke. However, having Kamui’s past and secret roots ever present in the back of their minds made both Lord and Lady Lantanoir flinch with the idea. King Garon was indeed capable of doing such a thing, even though they knew that Crown Prince Xander wasn’t.

Or was he? Was he aware of the hunt the nohrian army started right after the Battle at Cheve? He was their commander now, there was simply no way he didn’t know. What were his motives in calling both Kamui and Silas instead of just one?

Eleonore’s heart and face fell somber with these dark thoughts and Leopold turned to Winston, his frown deep and serious. “Winston, could you fetch that, please?” He asked, then hurriedly looked at the knight and his butler.

“At once, milord,” Winston complied, bowing. “Sir Gallahard and Lord Claude, if you please,” he moved one hand towards the door, “allow me to escort you to the wine cellar in order to choose a good drink for tonight’s toast.”

“Muh? Seein’ me out already?” He raised a brow, confused at the change of the atmosphere around the room -- father, mother and brother were pale-in-the-faces while daughter carefully read the letter again. He shrugged. “’kay, but don’t ya go refusing a royal invitation like that, eh? Capital crime and all.” He said before leaving, adding more worry to the family’s heart.

“Kamui, my daughter,” Eleonore touched the young woman’s hand, diverting her attention from the letter.

“Is something wrong, Mother?” After averting her gaze from the words, she met Eleonore’s worried frown and felt her heart fall. “You look pale!”

“My dear, do you remember what I told you three years ago? About the truth of your adoption.”

She had forgotten. How could she?! Even if she had been focusing only on The Pit for the last year it still didn’t meant that she could have forgotten her mother’s words from that day. How good they made her feel! And now... Eleonore’s somber gaze brought uneasiness to Kamui’s heart.

The young noble adjusted herself on the chair and put the letter over the table before squeezing her mother’s hand. “Forgive me for my earlier outburst, Mother. I am ready.”

“I know not of easy ways to say this,” Leopold started, making Kamui shift  her attention from the Lady to the Lord, “so we chose to speak of the happenings you remember first: You recall the day we made you travel inside the hidden compartment?”

“I do, Father. I was told to stay close to Mother the whole time after we left the carriage, then I had to look at a very scary man after we came back home.”

Leopold’s lips twitched in pain, remembering not only that day but everything Lord Ixyan’s made them go through before that. “Yes, my child,” he nodded, then proceeded. “Let us go further back. Do you remember the day you first woke up here?”

That was a trick question. Kamui had woken up a number of times before completely sealing away the memories of the Battle of Cheve. She replied with the same tune as before, closing her eyes so as to make a mental picture of the day: “Yes. I woke up startled by something and saw how surprised Brother was before he grasped my hand again.”

Lord and Lady exchanged quick glances. “And before that...?” He asked, but received a slight shake of head as response.

“It is a blank; forgive me.”

“Do not apologize, my dear.” Eleonore rubbed her thumb over Kamui’s hand. “You do, however, remember your history classes, correct?” She asked and received a nod in response. “The Battle of Cheve -- could you tell me about it?”

“Hmm...” She raised her eyes to search her memory, “His Majesty Garon set out a trap for Hoshido’s King, Sumeragi, and decimated the hoshidan envoy in battle at Cheve.”

A double, careful knock at the door interrupted before Kamui could open her mouth again. “Milord, milady, I have returned.” It was Winston. Leopold authorized his entry while Eleonore turned to Kamui.

“The story we’ve always spread about your past was that you were orphaned at that battle, you are aware of that.” The Lady affirmed, receiving yet another nod of agreement. “What you are not aware of, however, is the side of the battle you were on.”

Realization sank in before Kamui could shift her gaze to the small box Winston brought with him and started opening as his lady spoke -- it contained a golden and seemingly expensive hoshidan hairpin.

“I’m... hoshidan?” She widened her eyes at the pin, looking from it to her parents.

“We do not know whose child you were or if there were more children with the envoy apart from you and a servant boy -- the one who brought you to our lands.”

Eleonore’s words hit Kamui with a pang of pain in her head, making her flinch. “Gkh!” A boy who came with her? She was with the hoshidans? Why... why that all sound so distant yet so familiar? That hairpin... she remembered a warm hand putting it on her head...

“Kamui!” From beside her, Silas touched her shoulder, his face the most pale out of the nobles in the room. The young woman’s ears were deaf to any outside sounds.

“-is it rea- wise to bring- along?” Voices from a distant past tried to make their way into her head, flooding it with incomplete memories. “Besides, he s-ld be brin-as well--’ll -Hoshido and Nohr -amui.” 

“Who... are they?” She brought one hand to her face, the other clutching her heart.

“Did you remember him?” Silas’ mouth spoke before his mind could accompany, “did you remember the green-haired boy?”

“Green...?” Kamui repeated the word, using it more as a chant to bring her memories rather than remembering it per se. “Green... K-Kaz...? Akh!” Her head hurt again and, with the pain, a waterfall of memories.

Four playmates. Two red-haired girls and two long-haired boys. A warm yet sad embrace -- the letting go of hand whose warmth still lingered on her until they left. A warning before a shout. The smell of burning flesh alongside the grazing and piercing of arrows.

A voice pleading forgiveness.

“Kaze!!” Kamui shot up altogether, almost knocking down the chair she sat previously. “What happened to him?! Kaze, oh no; he was so hurt!”

“We did all we could to save him,” Winston said with grief; it was his staff which worked on the boy at first, “but his wounds were too grave...”

Before the butler could finish the sentence, Kamui’s eyes welled up with tears, her hand unconsciously grasping Silas’ poofy sleeve. “He did so much for me...” she huffed, feeling the strength of her legs fail as she sat back on her chair, the hand now gripping at her brother’s shirt. “I remember a volley of arrows and a man... and Kaze taking the hit for me. Then pain,” she reached for the scar at her forehead, thinking of the ones on her back, “then apologies.”

Kamui’s lips trembled, not able to finish the sentence before she threw herself on Silas’ chest -- the one who has always welcomed her tears -- so she could finally grieve her servant and friend’s death.

“Kaze...! Oh, Kaze!” She cried, sniffling as she remembered his voice always making sure that she was awake and well. ‘It’s going to be okay, Lady Kamui. Even if I have to give this life of mine, I will take you to safety!’ He’d said while her consciousness drifted in and out during the night.

He was so much more hurt than her -- he carried her small and certainly heavy body for hours in an unknown terrain and land; to collapse only when he knew he’d found someone who could take care of her.

Silas hugged his sister, remembering the day he made his promise, tears also falling from his eyes. Finally he could let his friend rest in peace. Finally he knew his name! “He made me promise, Kamui.” He whispered amidst her sobs. “He made me promise I would protect you in his place and now you can f-finally... finally pay your respects to him.” His voice cracked.

“Brother...” Kamui lifted her head to meet his eyes, then pressed her lips into a thin line so as to muffle a sob. “Oh, Kaze...!”

Eleonore sniffled with the display, using a handkerchief to dry her tears before they fell. Beside her, Leopold’s mien was grave. “I’m afraid that is not all, my child.” It broke his heart to add more grief into the scene, but Kamui needed to hear the truth.

“Pold, maybe we should wait--” Eleonore touched her husband’s shoulder, but Kamui raised her eyes to the married couple and sniffled before drying her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“Mother... please. I-I need to know everything.” She gulped, tears unshed on her eyes and hands by her brother’s chest. They trembled as much as her speech and she needed a few seconds to blink so she could set her unwavering gaze again on Eleonore.

The Lady frowned, but resigned herself into respecting her daughter’s wish. “Very well,” she glanced at Leopold before nodding.

He took a deep breath. “Right after we found you both in our lands, we discovered that the nohrian army was hunting down any hoshidan survivors. If it weren’t for Silas making Clara carry you to his room, they would have found you in the room they found the boy... He was already gone when Lord Ixyan’s soldier, Hans...”

The significant pause made Kamui understand. And Loathe. “Go on, Father.” She encouraged, her tears dry.

Leopold cleared his throat and loosened his cravat. “After that, the hunt continued for weeks and months.”

“It’s made us fear to ever making you show yourself in public lest they recognized you by your unique features, my dear.” Eleonore finished the sentence, her lips trembling. “Oh, just the thought of letting you out in society one night only to wake up to the nohrian army demanding your head on the next day!” She sobbed, hiding her face under the handkerchief. “I simply could not bear it.”

Surprise. Regret. Disgust... and now love. In the span of a few minutes, Kamui’s heart has been through so much. Once again her eyes welled up, one hand finally leaving Silas’ shirt and covering her mouth in emotion. They couldn’t be her birth family, but they loved her just as much.

Look at what they’ve gone through just to protect her! They almost entirely disconnected from their family, friends and court altogether just so she wouldn’t be in danger. They made her train under their wings so she wouldn’t be recognized in Gallahard’s main mansion.

They treated her as a daughter from the moment they decided to take her in. She felt terribly bad for misunderstanding their love for distrust during the early years of her life; but most of all, she felt thankful. “Mother... Father...” She sobbed. “Thank you so much for taking care of me for so long...”

Leopold felt his eyes itch with tears and had to cough a smile before taking his wife’s hand. “Know that we would do it a thousand times over, child.”

“We mustn’t be happy yet,” Eleonore choked a sob before finally raising her tear-stained face from the handkerchief. “Now that you know the truth, my dear, we can express our concern: You are going right into Nohr’s heart; where the first order to hunt down the hoshidan survivors came from.”

Lord Lantanoir nodded, sniffling away the tears which previously sprang in his eyes. “If they were looking for you specifically, your outward appearance will be a giveaway from the moment you step into the castle.” 

“And if it is not,” Eleonore continued from where her husband stopped, “you will still be fighting for the King who ordered your fellow countrymen dead.”

Kamui furrowed her brow, her eyes focusing nowhere in particular, her mind a clutter of information. Hoshidan. Kaze. Training. War. Hunt. Her beast. The Prince’s call.

“I... need to be alone for a while.” She said after a few minutes of silence. Silas hesitated in taking his arms away from her, but respected her decision. The knight-to-be got on her feet and silently exited the room after Winston opened the door to her.

She headed to the place she had her first thoughts of choosing knighthood: Outside the servant’s home, at the forest’s entrance. Perhaps being at a place so important as that could help clear the fog in her mind.

[bogb0ng]

1 threw 85

Since a few have been answered already I’ll answer the rest 

1: Looks are not important to me so much i believe there should be some kind of physical attraction, but i’m more about personality! 

2: relationships are totally worth it to me! I’m not into hooking up all the time plus my SO usually becomes my bestfriend 

3: no Obviously not lol 

4: It’s very complicated…. I’m technically not in a relationship with the guy, but we’ve both said we want to be… 

5: I’m not really sure what it is, but i don’t think it’s love just yet 

6: technically I guess I am? 

7: absolutely I prefer to be committed to one person! Tbh they get all of my time an attention when i’m not around friends and family. 

8: he’s just a bit taller than me has this crazy sense of humor that I completely adore. He’s got this adorable smile, deep brown eyes and hair and is so god damn handsome whenever I get a picture I melt (I actually almost fell over yesterday because of this) 

9: a guy with a great sense of humor who adores me as much as i do him.

10: I’m not really sure. I prefer to know a person before I say I’m in love. 

11: surprisingly yes! 

12: depending on how bad it is I will if it’s something stupid like they broke their plans with me or gave away a minor secret behind my back no biggie i’ll probably forgive them, but if they cheated or something…. i’m gone believe me I don’t do well with that shit

13: kinda, kinda not? it’s hard because like i’m not mad at the people that i’m getting jealous over… i’m just insecure. oh well lol

14: yessssss ahah same guy but also a little crush on some one else i think, but they’ll never know 

17: Yes! if it’s a quick kiss i’m A ok with it, but i don’t make out in public 

apparently there’s no 18 or 19??? soo uhm yeah 

20: i try to shower every day sometimes I dont get the chance and I have to shower the next day, but I keep myself clean!

21: I don’t know… IF ANY OF YA THINK I’M A CUTIE AND HAVE FEELS SEND ME ANON HEARTS AND I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! 

22: I hope a certain some one is, but who knows for sure 

23: Yes are you kidding me!? People can’t do that?? like when i’m in a relationship holy shit i’m 110% into that person they become everything to me and also i’d never want to hurt some one in that way. 

24: I hope i’m at least engaged, but then again i could just be alone forever… so i guess if anyone wants to make a pact to get married by a certain age HMU Lmfao 

25: YESSSSS ugh i’m holding out on some one, but hey shit happens 

26: actually yes my Ex. and we’re still good friends. I also would not want to lose him. he’s an amazing person with a huge caring heart. 

27: I wouldn’t call it a poem, but it was a really long rant/letter to the man who loves me next. 

28: I’m not entirely sure, but my extremely mentally abusive ex probably did because a guilty conscience usually blames the other half. (he accused me of cheating and i would rather die than cheat on some one) 

29: No. never have. never will.

30: actually I have…. i’ve never felt good about my stomach and have always wanted to get it fixed some how, but i never will. 

31: yes I have. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak 

32: I have many a time. you cant change some ones heart and thats fine! ]

33: obviously lol 

34: I mean I almost did once….

35: Of course I have haha

36: yes! in fact i almost dated him when we were in high school! 

37: yup…. and they told me, but i dated him anyways and what a fuck up that was….

38: yes!! omg i was in shock when it happened 

39: Yes, but they’d never know because I’m respectful 

40: all the time! i write to get my feelings out 

41: I have (and it was goooooooddd) 

43: my longest relationship was a year and a month or so. 

44: I’ve had a total of 5 boyfriend in my lifetime lol 

45: like 0 i was the human equivalent of birth control or some shit 

46: a lot with my SO at the time lol

47: 21! 

48: I’d probably tell them i’m really happy for them and wallow for a bit before moving on. 

49: I currently do not so i guess my favourite thing about the person I like is that goofy smile I get when i’m being cute lol 

50: I mean i don’t think i’ve met my true love so probably not?

51: there’s lots of people i would do anything for. i’m the type of person who drops anything for a friend in need.

52: Yes. a family member, my ex roommate. probably more, but you know what best of luck to them they’re gonna need it 

53. I’d hope not…. 

54: theres a lot of people i could never forget 

55: this one time a boyfriend of mine surprised me with a date where we drove all the way to one of his old home towns and he showed me around. he then took me to a dinosaur museum (which i love that shit so much) we walk through the entire thing and we got to the gift shop i went to the bathroom because it was like a 2-3 hour drive home and he bought me a stuffed T-rex and a cute keychain (i still have both)

56: 5 facts! I have a chubby tummy, long legs,a cute butt, thick thigs, pretty eyes, a cute smile and long/wild curly hair! and I’m very soft

57: I hope you realize that you turned out exactly like your father and you’re a pathological liar who deserves nothing more than whatever comes his way 

58: snacks! surprise adventures, cute snuggle days, HEAD RUBS!!! whispering cute things to me when I least expect it in public! 

59: Picture will be posted! 

60: If i remember correctly it was around 7 years 

61: their eyes and smile 

62: oh god honestly non sexual wise… run me a romantic bath. sexual wise…. we wont go there right now…

63: genitals touching other genitals? idk 

64: anything beyond joking flirtatiously tbh 

65: oh god whispering what they’re going to do to me. kissing down the neck and spine. those are just a few. 

66. Dominant and sub idk 

67: perfect date would probably be going out to a museum or aquarium and then going to a nice dinner 

68: straight 

69: I’m not really sure it varys 

70: Lots of things. whispering, slow kissing, touching 

71: ahaha this is akward my kinkiest wet dream was being tied up and dominated tbh 

73: just treat me like a princess for the day honestly 

74: some one who can lift me tbh 

75: sweetest thing was some one  brought me flowers to my work place and took me out for late night denny’s after a long anxious day. 

76: I guess making some one soup and cold remedies while they were sick 

77: as long as it’s legal and consensual then no biggie 

78: I almost was in a threesome once that was wild.

79: ah last time was some one got to hang out with a person i really wanted to hang out with but couldn’t because they’re too far away 

80: I tell my friends I love them at least once a day. so today technically. last time i said it and meant i was in love was at the beginning of the summer before my breakup 

81: Chris, dani, liam, hunter, and david  (only one of these ppl have a tumblr) 

82: my friend ash 

83: a guy named Jordan (he was my bestfriend in kindergarten)

84: distance was becoming too much for both of us

85: I mean technically I have (if you count online dating) but if not then yes probably 

thank you for asking!!!