#how it can be scary for depression
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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*cracks knuckles* we know Tyler isn’t the original Clancy right? Y’all caught that? Clancy’s bishop was Keons, Tyler’s is Nico, and now “Clancy” is Tyler. Because “scaled and icy” is an anagram for “Clancy is dead” and that album was the one where dema was using Tyler’s popularity for their own purposes. Clancy failed to stop the cycle on his own, and despite already being used as a figurehead for dema, Tyler decided to take up the role of “Clancy” in the wake of what seemed like a total collapse of the Banditos. Their leader had been taken out, and now they had no one to organize them.
But Tyler taking on the name Clancy isn’t him taking on the role of leader or even organizer. He is showing us (the Banditos) that we all can be our own inspiration, we don’t need a figure to follow, we don’t need a leader to lead us. We can do this, fight dema, ourselves.
Y’all got that, right?
#twenty one pilots#twenty øne piløts#tøp#Clancy#tøp clancy#I just don’t ever see anyone talking about the lore connections and I need to know that I’m not the only person making these connections#bc I remember the countless interviews where Tyler reiterated that he is not Clancy and the letters are not written by him#and in the letters clancy explains how each person gets a bishop assigned to them and his was keons#and in Nico and the niners tyler sings he’ll always try to stop me that Nicolas Bourbaki#therefore the bishop we see in the videos interacting with tyler is Nico and not keons#let alone the fact that Clancy describes keons as kind and gentle and Nico seems very forceful in comparison#and don’t forget this is all a metaphor or allegory for depression and mental illness#Clancy’s bishops being kind and caring while Tyler’s is scary and forceful is representing the different ways mental illness can menifest#maybe it feels like it’s trying to help you but it’s actually just keeping control over you#or maybe it scared the shit out of you but you don’t know how to fight back#because both kind of have a point#anyway#pls let me know if this was new information or if I’m preaching to the choir
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I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.
Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.
I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.
#like even I forget that all actions taken in the game were people trying to remain in protocol outside of Jimmy#Anya couldn’t have jus stolen the scanner and got the gun cause she’s a sensible person and knows she’d be in legal trouble#or get everyone’s credits docked or just hoping that there’s some chain of command for this sort of thing#Daisuke only really acted in accordance to his direct superiors because he’s an intern he wouldn’t know the first thing about protocol or#what to do in any situation. like this is essentially implied to be his first real job#Curly may be the captain but he still has to follow rules and procedures and we see with the letter the Pony Express likely has very shady#and shitty ones. he gives the best not depressing or totalitarian options he can otherwise everything is just his word which aren’t even his#or like him just asserting his position with the gun which he wouldn’t do#Swansea follows the book begrudgingly because he’s trying to stay right and not fall back into who he once was#I feel like it’s not incorporated nearly enough that the environment they were dropped into heavily affected their actions#say there was a single person higher than Curly or a plan of action when a crew member is considered a danger to himself or others#I think it’s fascinating how people will stick to protocol and break when they get scared or to their limit#cause the game shows how normalcy deteriorates and I think discounting what the characters where put through by the company takes a way a#real and scary aspect of what happened to Anya because as a friend Curly didn’t do enough for her at all his comfort was there and he#appreciated but it was a distracted sort of care but as a Captain he didn’t protect her but he’s was a Captain of the Pony Express like what#if they told him to wait to? he still should’ve done something because Anya was actively suffering and Jimmy should’ve been reprimanded but#he’s a captain with orders like the Tulpar isn’t his ship in the same way like#god I wanna explain this in a way that makes sense but the Tulpar is like designed to breed animosity and work on the bare requirements one#needs to get things done that’s not how people work and if anyone deviates or interrupts that it literally has nothing to handle it#it becomes clear that if any social unrest happens why they just say fuck it and give the Captain the gun because if something happens the#blame can easily be placed on the person they put in charge despite what they put them#in charge of like this is just like work place harassment irl because often the perpetrators are not punished but the supervisors for not#stopping them with meetings or cuts or whatever but the environment the company fostered is rarely fixed or blamed#like why was this allowed to occur? and honestly that is because Jimmy did what he did#ask me about this if this is confusing cause I worded it crazy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#the pony express
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Hehe this man is broken and severely emotionally distressed. Silly lovable guy but given self esteem issues because of the crushing weight of perfectionism. Not so funny if you think about it too long. But at least on the upside he cries pretty :))
No but seriously for all those who relate to Mr. Puzzles just want you to know your accomplishments alone do not define your value and worth as a person. Even when you’re a messy work in progress, you are loved and appreciated more than you may recognize. Thank you for being here. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to be idealistic and set goals, but don’t undermine yourself if you don’t get that perfect score….or if you start to fall behind compared to everyone else. Everyone goes through those moments of doubt or perceived failure. We need to fail every once in a while. And that’s okay
…a-anyways funny goofy dramatic TV guy we love him so much so silly so slay he lives in my head rent free yipeee. This animation is dedicated to him because if anyone in the cast deserved a feature length film it was definitely him, and he sure took up the spotlight in Puzzlevison and absolutely owned it. I’m excited for his future endeavors ✨
#someone please how did I make this in two days wh-#wow wow wow what’s going on here how did I do that this is scary super powers being unlocked right now#Mr. Puzzles hyperfixation give me strength and motivation to get shit done I guess??? yay???#like holy shit I’m so productive in my art all the sudden whats this feeling of dopamine and happiness-#WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DEPRESSION WHERE’D IT GO#sir really stepped into my brain and yeeted my depression saying ‘looks like you won’t be needing that anymore’#and now he things he can just puppeteer me around to make countless art pieces in his image and honor??#he’s using me as his pawn to spread his glorious face around the internet HELP jksjksp#no actally don’t it’s very comfortable and freeing here I love letting my silly fixations go rampant <3#I don’t even need to think about what I want to do art stuff just happens naturally#CHEERS TO FICTIONAL MEN YIPEEE#wow he’s so mentally ill just like me fr /j#also now I’m staring to guilt trip myself because I feel bad watching him cry even though I’M THE ONE WHO ANIMATED IT WHYYYY#hplonesome art#mr. puzzles animation#smg4 mr puzzles animation#mr puzzles smg4 animation#sad mr puzzles#mr. puzzles crying animation#smg4 mr puzzles#mr. puzzles smg4
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hey hey just letting y'all know that if im not replying to your asks or messages im not ignoring you i promise it's just very. hard for me rn. i love you all a lot i just really can't. think rn ;;
#WHYYYYYYYYYYYY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY#and again. i just have to wait until my next session. and i have no idea when it's gonna be.#and all the coping tips i've seen online are just “have you tried talking to people :) have you tried going outside :)”#and to that i say. 1) my family just goes “you have everything how can you be depressed” and 2) the weather is. well. not great#im so sorry for talking so much about this again#the worst thing is that i really can't explain why im feeling like this. or more like. no no i can explain but then it gets very very sad#basically just had a very scary realization a few days ago and now im. yyeah#mmaybe i should just. wait until it goes away
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tori sitting on the stairs is so. the lighting in heartstopper is awesome big fan of the blue/orange. is tori also depressed in the show i still think it would be so fucking funny to offhandedly mention her school burning down
#whisp whispers#charlie is the focus here yeah but if micheal gets introduced it does mean that solitaire is relevant#meaning 'toris school got set on fire bc some guy was that obsessed with her' and 'tori tried to kill herself' is like. possibly canon#and i think it's SO funny that there is a very large chance that all that Happened and just isn't being acknowledged#noooo charlie don't kill yourself ur so awesome&cool haha.... uh. oh hi tori. you can like. die i guess idk. not gonna stop you#like it really is just brushed past entirely in the comics. which is sad but also extremely funny like. conceptually. my older sister#almost killed herself in a state of mania. oh well. she has a boyfriend now though so that's cool!!!#<-well. depression i guess. some mixed of sleep deprivation mania and also just normal depression. she's awesome#i hope the ferris wheel coming out scene gets adapted. please please please please please. please. if that scene gets changed#because isaac came out first i'm going to .do nothing probably. but mann. man. tori spring 'im asexual' scene please. please. please.....#these tags are not relevant to the post anymore really. sorry for heartstopper posting my irl i usually talk abt oseman to hasnt seen it yet#um. circling back to my original point. if her depression is canon how do you think she feels sitting there knowing she can't get help#bc the resources need to go to her brother and she can't draw attention away from him. tori's tumblr makes an appearance also that was#scary. what do you mean tumblr is on tv in the year of our lord 2024. hello? .anyways brought it up because#'anon asked: who's ur best friend? / probably my brother. sad.'#man. she's so awesome. me if i was cool and british and a girl and had a brother and also if my school burnt down
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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#spending so much time doing house stuff when i have dpwntime all i can do is snooze#the landlord replaced the fuckd up laundry machines tho! we have these fancy ones now tht sing annoyig songs when th clothes r done#gonna start painting soon and then im gonna be reattaching the cabinetry in the kitchen bc its all fuckd up#frank.txt#u know despite how rough things are i AM hapy w this place . its so cozy and VERY quiet . and my abuser doesnt know where i live anymore#which is gr8 ! i can go outside and im less likely to deal w irl stalking again. still an agoraphobe bc stalking scary as hell BUT#At least im an agoraphobe in a cozy house that is far away from my prev place so its also safer#mental illness and seasonal depression and ptsd stuff kinda make this month scary for me BUT#its ok. its esp ok bc im making ham on xmas. literally all is well when i can make a big meal and watch ppl eat my food#downsides of this house - well ttoday i saw a stinkbug in the oven:(
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i just think it's crazy how people think heartstopper is anti-sex. they haven't even talked about sex in the tv show except for when they say they're not comfortable with it yet. how the fuck is that anti-sex that's just consent
#y'all must be rlly depressed if you see One queer tv show for young teens and immediately think#'omg the PURITEENS are RUINING GAY CULTURE!!!!!'#maybe i'm just a 'puriteen' but i think talking about consent and showing teens that they deserve to feel comfortable is good actually#the current comic plot line and how they handle the topic of sex is actually my fave#because believe it or not Old Gays. not all teens are having sex 24/7 and we actually talk about our feelings!#they talk about intimacy and how it can be scary but also healing#i cannot wait to see it adapted into the tv show#prove the salty weird heartstopper critics wrong#kez.txt#rant
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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J vc: new planet, fresh start. I get a new job and work myself to exhaustion so that I don’t have to think about all the terrible things in my life, I will forget about Tessa and the gala incident and that monster that kept me around as a plaything pet and only the new work environment matters, i know it will only be short lived but anywhere is better than here.
N: hi.
J: THROWS A WHOLE BUILDING.
#;playing://bestmonologueever.mp3 (j)#sorry girl but you can’t keep working and run from your past#you need to talk about this eventually#but yeah I have to agree it’s a nice crossover#J was Never really my most active muse even though I really wanted to use her#and then the finale really spoiled my mood#like I never felt that much disappointment regarding a show before#but it annoyed me so hard that I was like fine#because again - there is no way they gave the virus a better ending than J#that was the most frustrating thing about it#and then you have Doll who just slaughtered her classmates so she can get to V#but J kept getting the shorter end of the stick when she genuinely did not had a choice in the matter#and her death was turned into a stale annoying running gag#so like yeah this au kinda made her active which i think is funny#they butchered this character so hard that I don’t even care writing for Doll and Khan anymore#doll is staying but she won’t be super active#…I still think it’s funny how I expected the possum or platypus but Lofty came with Tangle#mainly every issue J reads where Clutch is in she is like: I like and respect a good business man 👍#she really likes clutch but nah you don’t#you like clutch because he feels familiar and is sort of everything you grew up with#you know what to expect#with the DC you will be depressed like Mimic because you don’t know how to deal with any of that#and it’s unfamiliar and scary#but also kind of what you need
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Got hit with that weird feeling again, but I wouldnt quite describe it as hope?
It rlly is just the feeling of being suddenly really aware of your situation in life. But specifically that it's not bad.
#sepiasys.txt#Had a lot of reflection ^^;; And I think I still want to think about this stuff?#I am *happy*; or atleast content. The fears and worries have been washed away (probably purely bc I can draw).#I'm sure things will feel scary again if I get questioned or things get uninstalled. I hope not. But right NOW; things feel... good? idk ^^;#It just feels strange. It feels weird to have the good so separate from the bad ^^;; I know there is bad but I'm not experiencing it..?#Not now atleast. and we've kinda always tried to have the mindset that what is happening presently matters more than worrying for the future#or overthinking and regretting the past ^^;; I guess that's a way of explaining how we 'got over' anxiety and depression(?); huh? Even if a#friend (multiple) was able to call out that we're very anxious (insert jokes about getting me to smoke weed with them /lh(/t? /pf?)#nakxhjsnd brain is becoming soupy mushy goop sorta so thinking is not simple anymore but yeah. Uh. Things feel weird ^^;; But in a good way?#It won't be forever; I know that! But I hope we can enjoy the good for as long as it lasts <:3#Now to think about drawing the red haired little FREAK‼️ (idk what or who it is but there's like. something. something there.)
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i have a check-up tomorrow morning and did the little depression screening thing online just now so it could be done. erm
#marzi speaks#folks i may be having a depressive episodeeee#then again. i am on a steroid. and am not even 6 months out from being diagnosed with a chronic illness#so like. that’s actually not too surprising#sighhhh. i’m tireddd but i have shit to do :[#my mom was gonna have me drive today but she did a mental health check with me and almost immediately changed her mind#which. mom i appreciate you recognizing that i’m stressed and deciding to remove a stressor from my environment so i can focus on other shit#but also you have to understand how funny that is.#‘you’re doing the scary thing today btw’ ‘oh actually you are not in a state to face that fear rn nvm’#thank you mother i love you dearly
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lil rant in the tags
#I want to say something about language surrounding neurodiversity#recently I’ve had multiple people say that I am neuro-insert euphemism here#one was neurospicy which I’ve heard before#the other was neurosparkly#and like I get it we’re trying to be positive and accepting of our diversity and challenges and all that#but the world does not need to sterilize and sanitize neurodiversity even more than it already does#I have adhd that went untreated for most of my life and led to severe struggles with depression and anxiety before I got properly medicated#that’s not neurosparkly#that’s not a cute quirky lil thing that makes me special#it was a significant challenge that I worked hard to overcome and work with in my life#I don’t need to call it something cute because it wasn’t cute#im neurodivergent and I’m not afraid to acknowledge that#and I’m not saying that people can’t use those other terms to refer to themselves if it helps them be positive of their circumstances#do what works for you use the right language for yourself#but when you call me neurosparkly it diminishes what I’ve struggled with and how I work to function with and around my condition#we need to take the fear out of language that says that there is something different about us#we can celebrate it sure#but we shouldn’t be sanitizing it#I hate to quote Harry Potter but fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself#we can life with hard things#we can function with and around messy and ugly and inconvenient conditions and in fact must do so and accept the challenge#there is positivity in the world without sanitizing the scary parts#anyway I could go on but I’ll cut off here#shit wren says#wren rambles#neurodiversity#neurodivergent
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bruh I finally get over my debilitating anxiety about donating to gaza related fundraisers because theres so many ppl that need help and idk where to begin and i never feel like my money is helping at all and the
fucking website won't load 8D
#and im having a really serious convo with a friend aboput like....life and capitalism-facilitated existential dread#while watching funney minecraft video#like im a bit buzzed sorry but what the fuck is going on here.#bruh I gotta do the DISHES#BRUH I HAVE WORK TMR#i had to tell my friend 'hey this isn't helping me at all actually its really depressing me' I feel like im dying. ok#cuz she's like 'well thats just the name of the game and we gotta do our best to survive!!!' and im like 3 seconds away from telling her im#fucking depressed and want to die#wow ok lets see#alcohol#how do I fuckingtag the#oh#suicidal ideation#i know thats a really strong phrase#but like just to be sure#folks im fine this is just like. uh#personable#oh god she replied#fun fact we follow each other on here and im under the impression she hasn't been on tumblr since forever but literally maybe shes just lur#-king and can see all this idek#maybe she knows im an it/its furry with a masc name online looooool#i feel like we're soooo close to getting into a fight rn and thats scary bro shes my oldest friend we've never fucking fought before
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leona needs to go therapy actually
#or at least see a psychiatrist#ik the game doesnt say it#but he just gives off depression to me#ik his character development is kinda mid compared to the other characters#but idk how to improve it without mentioning mental health#i want him to grow!#ik him being based on scar affects the possibility of change too#but u know#let me hope#i like his character o(--(#i want him to be happy!#and to graduate#like get the hell outta here my guy lol#i do wonder if theyre gonna let the older students graduate and move on#letting fan faves “go” seems like a scary thing to do from a companys pov#but i love the idea as a person who just likes a good story lol#like move and make room for the younger cast and new characters#twisted wonderland#they can still come back obviously but they should not be on campus by next year#like theyre supposed to be interning or some shit#leona kingscholar
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