#how is anyone supposed to live on fucking freelance work

[momo-de-avis]

I just fucked myself royally and will be thoroughly fucked this year because either I'm too stupid to understand how freelance works in this country, or because I was misinformed, but am about to earn 25% less of every single one of my paychecks because apparently the year ends in January and not December, something no one informed me of no matter the dozens of conversations about this shit I had.

[kassymalone]

A Little Rant about Fun

Remember fun?

Remember when you could do things just because they were fun?

It keeps coming to mind recently, and it's starting to drive me nuts.

I've always done things with my hands - I used to do art before uni destroyed my love and confidence, I write things, I cross stitch, I make models, and I do these things because I enjoy them. Unfortunately I've come to hate talking to people about my hobbies because the almost always have the same response - 'what do you do with that?'

Do I sell on Etsy? No I fucking don't, this pattern took me 15 hours to finish, do you know how much I would have to charge for it?

Do I do freelance writing? No I fucking don't, why would I want a second soul-crushing job on top of my first soul-crushing job?

Why don't I actually get published instead of wasting my time with fanfiction so I can actually make some money off it? WHY DON'T YOU DO IT IF ITS SO FUCKING EASY

I've been thinking of making a quilt recently, with patches of all my favourite things, but I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I can already hear them asking 'and what are you going to do with it? Is this your practice one before you sell them? No, don't do it that way, that's the wrong way, no-one will like it!'

(Don't get me started on the 'you're doing it wrong' crowd, gatekeepers are a different rant.)

JUST LET ME DO THINGS. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO MAKE MONEY. I know we're in a cost of living crisis right now, but I've been hearing this shit since I was a teenager, twenty fucking years ago! I still remember being talked out of singing lessons when I had a little extra money because 'what would I do with it?' Well fuck, my fat ass was never going to be the next Adele, but maybe I could have just had fun doing something I enjoy, but better?!

ON A RELATED NOTE!

You know what disproportionately annoys me? When people call the Nintendo Switch a 'toy' as if it's a bad thing. Like... yes? It's a toy? I play games on it?

'But the frame rate!', 'But the graphics!', 'But it can't run XX game!' WHO FUCKING CARES.

Yes, the xbox and playstation can connect to netflix and play blue rays and cook you dinner and raise your children, but they also cost a months rent and have all these bells and whistles to distract you from the fact that they JUST FUCKING TOYS. There's nothing either of them can do that I can't do on my PC, better and cheaper, and not have to turn on five different peripherals to make it work.

'But 4K!', 'But you can see the character follicles in this new game!', 'But the horses testicles react to the weather!'

Are you not having fun? Are you not enjoying playing your game? Never once have I been in the middle of a game and thought 'I'd be enjoying this more if it had more pixels.' I'm not even against other consoles, use whatever you prefer - if you like modern real-to life graphics then more power to you, but the amount of people who act like it actually matters somehow is concerning...

Yes, the switch hardware is behind what the xbox and playstation can do... but its a toy. Nintendo has never forgotten that it makes toys, and that's why I like it. It sits on my table, connects to my other monitor. I listen to long form youtube videos while I play TOTK. If I'm feeling sassy, I play it handheld.

My niece has one. We play Pokémon together and I let her win battles because the point is to be fun.

WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO MY POINT!

FUCK the grindset 'but how can I monetise every possible second?' bullshit, FUCK the 'taking this thing that should be fun way too seriously' bullshit.

LET PEOPLE DO THINGS JUST BECUASE THEY'RE FUN.

LET THINGS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN BE FUN.

And now I've used the word 'fun' so much it's lost all meaning.

Much like fun itself.

[lutethebodies]

hey just letting you know, I really enjoy your Cannor/Minthara ship posts. You're one of a handful of the regular shippers I know who thinks about, like, long term relationship stuff with your oc and Minthara, beyond the puppy love years and actually considering how they'd manage to live/work/survive together without it all breaking down.

keep it up, you're appreciated ^_^

I hope anon will forgive me if I jump off their very kind note to mention a few reasons why I think I might be good at what they noticed about my character pieces like the one they mentioned.

First, age. I was recently told in no uncertain terms (by people much younger) that it's both hilarious and pathetic for me, a 47-year-old person, to post on Tumblr about anything at all, let alone BG3 character ships. I think someone even said "you're as old as my parents, just stop." And, well, whatever. I made a dumb and needlessly negative mistake (which earned me a lot of other weirdly reductive and untrue assumptions, and because this is the internet, all of it will of course live forever somewhere) on a topic I'd already covered better in non-negative ways. But it ultimately doesn't matter, because life is cringe and self-flagellation is performatively silly and nobody who cares about me judges me for blogging on Tumblr anyway.

However, I think my age (at least in terms of life experience) helps me think about interpersonal behavior and relationships in ways that younger people might not. I don't wanna go full Joe-Biden-in-denial about this—because who the fuck am I, really?—but the fact that I'm still married to the same person after 18 years (with 8 more together before that) speaks to what I've been able to learn and know about how these things work. (Pro tip for a successful marriage: don't have kids; we don't and we're very happy about that.). So that's a bit of an obvious self-insert in what I write for Cannor.

Second, employment status. After decades in the professional design/marketing world, I'm very fortunate to (post-quarantine) be able to freelance part-time as a creative professional and stay home as a house-spouse. I can make art and record songs and write posts and bike for exercise pretty much when I want, as well as take care of housework. It's really inspiring and I like to spread inspiration whenever I can. I also think it's important to be a proud house-spouse as a cishet USAmerican man because even now (get your tiny violins ready) we are still mocked as unmanly and societally useless if we don't have the right job title or don't make more money than our wives or don't have 6 kids or whatever it is that a man's man's man is supposed to be like. Fuck that noise.

I have no problem being a man who is, in many ways, overshadowed by what my spouse does in her life and with her career. She works hard, she's really good at what she does, and is really patient with a flighty artist guy at home. That's how love works for us. (She would probably be annoyed at the mere fact of me getting hung up on all this shit, btw). Most of my "career" work has been ephemeral (that's marketing for you), and I value my decades of making art and music way more anyway, even and especially since it's a hobby and I'll never be celebrated for it. So that vibe goes into my Cannor-Minthara headcanon as well (remember folks, self-insert is not a sin).

Finally (and I say this as a reminder to myself as much as anyone else): think before posting. Don't put needlessly negative things out there, because the world will oblige you in return a hundredfold. Perhaps obvious, but always a lesson worth re-learning. Believe it or not, some old people do realize when they need to re-learn shit.

Now, if you don't mind I'd like to go back to being laughably cringe on main.

[evvrmores]

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎❛ 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕. . . ❜  

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎𝒆𝒗𝒗𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒔 — daisy de león & marin sawyer. corneliastreet dependent.

❛ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒, 𝐈 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐓 / 𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃-𝐒𝐎𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐆𝐎𝐖𝐍 — STARRING DAISY DE LEÓN.

FULL NAME: daisy ines de león

AGE + BIRTHDAY: twenty - nine, april 9, 1994

GENDER + PRONOUNS: cis woman, she/her 

PLACE OF BIRTH: miami, florida 

ZODIAC: aries sun, pisces moon, sagittarius rising

SEXUAL & ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: bisexual demiromantic

TIME ON CORNELIA STREET: three months 

OCCUPATION: assistant director

AESTHETIC: dancing in your socks with a glass of wine in hand, standing on the balcony as the wind ruffles your hair and the embers on the end of your cigarette die, the comfort weight of your laptop in your bag, the scent of a cappuccino, freesia, and vanilla entering the room

SONG INSPIRATION: champagne problems and you're on your own, kid

EXCERPT FROM THE MASTERMIND: daisy's born in miami to a mother who would do anything for her and a father who doesn't quite know how to stay. she's always telling stories, typing them late at night on the laptop her mother surprises her with for her quinceanera, and lives a little too far in her head sometimes. life dips into a dark place for awhile, and her ticket out is the promise of moving to los angeles with her best friend, where they're going to be stars. it's what they always dreamed of, after all, what kept them sane in the years of high school where nothing ever fucking made sense. besides, daisy's supposed to write a film for logan to star in. they make it out to california and daisy becomes alive as she grinds away, starting as an assistant pa and slowly climbing the ladder — logan, on the other hand, falls into the clutches of opiate abuse, and their death shakes daisy to her core. it's why her dream matters so much, after all. daisy continues climbing, determined to win her seat in the room and her oscar someday. she then meets muse a and they start a relationship. fiery and passionate and... comfortable. the routine, the expected, it's all very nice and well for daisy, but she is more selfish than both of them realize. she'd never ask anyone to compromise for her, and it doesn't occur to her that they don't realize she wouldn't do the same until they propose and she says no. already at an assistant director phase for several television shows and working on producing indie films with her contacts, daisy makes the decision to flee to new york for something different, where ghosts don't tail her and she's not forced to feel even more shitty for what she's done. she answers a wanted ad and moves onto cornelia street with maggie molina, and it may very well be the best thing she's ever done. she's on her own and it has never been more liberating. /  READ MORE ABOUT DAISY HERE.

❛ 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐀 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐁𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 — STARRING MARIN SAWYER.

FULL NAME: marin isabelle sawyer

AGE + BIRTHDAY: twenty - five, august 28, 1997

GENDER + PRONOUNS: cis woman, she/her 

PLACE OF BIRTH: tbd 

ZODIAC: virgo sun, cancer moon, sagittarius rising

SEXUAL & ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homosexual homoromantic

TIME ON CORNELIA STREET: one year 

OCCUPATION: emt slash freelance photographer (side hustle ftw)

AESTHETIC: holding hands with someone to reassure them or let them know you're there, peppermint hot chocolate with whipped cream, touching up the edges of your chipped nail polish

SONG INSPIRATION: evermore

EXCERPT FROM THE MASTERMIND: the youngest of four with a wild heart and not many idle thoughts, marin longs to taste a world that hadn't yet swallowed down her siblings and left traces of them behind. she loves her siblings dearly, family oriented occasionally to a fault, but her dreams of escaping her hometown litter the pages of her journal and the online archives she pressed her footprint into. she's always along for the ride, never the driver. nothing ever belongs to her because it seemingly belonged to one of the other sawyer kids first. it makes the high school years hard for marin, who is just trying to find an identity beyond her loud and brash colors she wears to stand out. her mother's death shortly after her high school graduation and lost semi-adult who can't college to save their life venture is crippling — effervescence fizzles, color fades, and the once exuberant force takes a few steps back inside herself. it's the lifelong dream of moving to new york that strikes a spark back in her eyes and the breath returns to her lungs. it's a new city, a new playground to call her own, and best of all: the novelty of getting to find herself outside of her siblings' silhouettes. marin does freelance photography mostly as a hobby, and works as an emt ( the savior complex is a lil strong with this one, i'm afraid ) but, most importantly, she's the one who keeps holiday house bustling with people. holiday house is the dream of holidays accumulated after all, where they'd wish out loud to spend their holidays in new york where the snow's plentiful and lights make everything glow, and it's the place where she belongs and her siblings belong and the space is vast enough for everyone she brings through the doors to belong, too. she is carving out a space for the people she loves, perhaps what she was meant for. while she often gives too much of herself that she hardly remembers to take care of her own grief and complications, marin always has her hand out ready to take someone in. she lives hard, loves fierce, and runs wild — and yet, she'll always come home in the end. /  READ MORE ABOUT MARIN HERE.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎meet the mun. hi angels ! i'm em, i'm twenty - five, use she / her pronouns and am in the eastern timezone ! i am a red, reputation, and folklore/evermore girlie through and through, and i'm also an aquarius sun. i am so utterly excited about being here writing with you all — please don't hesitate to message me here or on discord ( 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬#5854 ) to talk plots / connections, or to get threads going. taylor swift and writing make me happiest in the world, so to be here means everything.

[khaaidar]

I've been feeling asexual lately

I’ve been feeling somewhat asexual lately. Every time i go out on a date, hang out with a cute gay friend, or hang out with someone who wants to be something-in-between with me, i don't want to do anything intimate with them. No kisses, no sex, only cuddles. I can feel the attraction from their side but i just feel like i have this wall in front of me. It makes me want to reflect on my life more. I hate the word "to reflect", the fuck does that mean like go fuck yourself never say that to me ever again. Anyways...it makes me want to think about my daily life again. It must be coming from not feeling satisfied with what i'm doing on the day-to-day basis. 

First of all, my job. I don't feel like i fit in, i'm not even trying to fit in anymore. I feel guilty for being at this job, it seems like i'm wasting everyone's time. You know when you're young, it feels like time is going by so quick and you need to "make it" on time before you get old. I still feel this way, somewhat. Especially living in such a big and fast-pased city like toronto, it makes you want to run faster and faster until your engine has set yourself on fire. After all, what are we running towards? Innovation? We can't wait but get ourselves to the space? Escape our planet to find other life that will make us change our beliefs about what life is. What are we running towards? Why do we need to be stressed all the time? My job is taking away all of my time by sucking me dry and fucking me in every whole because i fucking hate it. No, i'm lying. I don't think i "fucking hate it", I think i just dislike it. I don't like the clients, the main clients i guess, i can't think the same way as my coworkers think. it's all straight dudes, i can't fucking relate to them. i want to work with women. i want life to be more sensitive. i want to feel life when i work. i feel like my eyes are burning, my back is breaking, my brain is not working when i work. Why do i have to work this way?

Anyways, that paragraph got a lil too long. fuck it. What i wanted to say is that my job is taking 80% of my time and i'm not fucking enjoying it. Will it benefit me in the future? maybe. do i know for sure? fuck no.

i haven't been honest with myself or anyone else lately. my boss, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my friend that i only go out to raves with, my boyfriends that i go on dates with just to rest my brain and get head, and myself. 

Second of all, i can't connect with anyone that i meet these days. yeah this one is struggling, ya that girl is working two jobs, hmm that guy is going in on his side hustle, ou yeah that man is feeling a little lost in life, oh that girl sumi or whatever keeps raving about her new cigarettes, hah that girl emma keeps asking me what skirt she should wear cause she's going out with this cute guy and can't wait to get her pussy ate after her shitty restaurant job with no prospects in sight. and where am i right now? i don't like my job and it's fucking with my self-esteem. are we all supposed to sit down, talk to our therapists or friendapists [friends who you dump everything on you at 8am in the morning while they're doing their makeup to go to their new exhausting freelance job] about how much we hate our lives and then go to our jobs that we give -5 fucks about?

yeah this paragraph barely talked about what i even wanted to talk about. who is doing what i want to do? i need to talk to those people but i can't seem to find them. 

I think it's time to start taking action. i'm going to start looking for new opportunities, new design studios, artists, and designers that i can work for, and maybe there can be even a brand that i can be involved with. I'm tired of fucking sitting around not knowing what i'm supposed to do. even if it is a mistake, let it fucking be. i'm tired of being wishy-washy about my life and decisions. let me fucking be.

[merrock]

CHARACTER INFORMATION

face claim: Alex Fitzalan

full name: Chandler Linwood

nickname(s) / goes by: Chandler, Chan

pronouns & gender: cis man, he/him

sexuality: biromantic asexual

birth date: February 11th, 1997

birth place: Minneapolis, Minnesota

arrival to merrock: 2022

housing: the suburbs

occupation: freelance photographer, employee/barista at Pause for Paws

work place: Pause for Paws

family: John Linwood, Susan Linwood (parents, both still live in Minnesota)

relationship status: single

PERSONALITY

If you had to describe Chandler in one phrase, it could easily be "trust issues". He's not a bad person, but he's happy to let people assume the worst about him and roll with that reputation. It's the best way he knows to protect himself. It's not that he tries to act edgy or like a completely unlikeable jerk, but more that he keeps a wall between himself and most people. Sometimes that means sharpening his sarcastic nature into a weapon, but often times it results in more of a laid back, apathetically sarcastic presence. Find some common ground with him and his defenses will seem to lower, and you'll find yourself talking to a much kinder version of him. He can count on one hand the amount of people he feels he can fully be himself around. Those 'lucky' few will receive wild video game/cartoon conspiracies, unhinged memes at three in the morning, and random tupperware containers of delicious food he's made too much of. After nearly a year of living in Merrock, he's just now starting to believe that he's finally on stable ground in his life, but he still has a strong self-sabotaging streak that he's willfully and stubbornly oblivious to. 

WRITTEN BY: Elle (she/her), est.

BACKGROUND / BIO

tw: alcoholism, vague mental illness, implied abuse, brief mentions of death

Chandler was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, to John and Susan Linwood. Although his earliest years were spent living in the city, almost all of his childhood memories were made at the family's next home in the suburb of Wayzata. His mom was an ER doctor, and his dad had a cushy office job (although he didn't have the passion for his career that Susan did). On the outside, they were the all around perfect American dream family. But reality is never that simple, and things were quite different behind closed doors. Between Susan's long hours at the hospital, and John's nasty habit of getting wasted every night, Chandler had to grow up fast. One thing his mom impressed on him from a young age was not to tell anyone what was happening at home or reach out for help. This led to a general distrust of authority figures and a lot of acting out at school.

By the time Chandler was a teenager, things at home had deteriorated even more. He wasn't sure how much of that was his parents actually getting worse, and how much of that was him growing up and being able to understand what 'normal' was supposed to look like. It wasn't that they didn't love him, and he knew he was at least lucky to know they truly cared about him. But he realized more and more that they were simply two people who never should have started a family, especially not with each other.

It wasn't until college that Chandler learned about asexuality, so he spent a lot of high school confused. He had always been romantically and aesthetically attracted to every gender. But when his friends would talk about sex, he couldn't relate to what they were saying. Surely, people didn't just look at each other and think 'I wanna fuck that person', or obsess over sex the way they claimed to...right? He spent most of high school trying to feel the way everyone else did. He thought if he just slept with the right person, it would all click into place. It never did. But he did develop quite the reputation for sleeping around and drinking too much at parties. The second thing was the only way he could really escape Wayzata at the time, but he had a plan. Get into a good, out of state college and never look back. Most people assumed he didn't really take his studies seriously, that he had somehow gotten into mostly AP classes by coasting. But he was balancing taking care of his parents, mountains of homework and keeping up a crazy social life like he was constantly walking some kind of tightrope all while acting like nothing phased him.

It paid off when the acceptance letters started coming in. Chandler chose a school that was far enough away from his parents to avoid getting sucked back into Wayzata. He refused to be a sad pop punk song about some angsty kid who never escaped their hometown. When he got to college, Chandler quickly realized he had never thought that far ahead. He had no idea what he wanted to major in, or do with his life now. He realized part of him never expected to succeed in leaving Minnesota behind. At the same time he was struggling to find interest in his school work, he found his life revolving around college parties. He reasoned to himself that this is exactly what college kids were supposed to do; drink too much several times a week and then go to class exhausted the next day.

It only took him a couple years to spiral out of control. After meeting a girl at a party, they hit it off and got serious pretty quickly. She had her own issues that didn't mix well with his own. At her insistence, he dropped out of college (he was still aimlessly drifting around campus taking gen-ed classes without being any closer to figuring out what his major should be). After that, he was extremely isolated and his whole life revolved around her. Their relationship became more toxic and by the time Chandler realized he needed to leave, he no longer knew how to. So he stayed with her for a awhile longer, relying on drinking and other self destructive habits to numb himself to his life.

His one-way ticket out of the college town came in the form of a phone call from his dad. John's brother had died. Uncle Paul had an ex-wife (it was a nasty divorce that had dragged out through much of Chandler's teen years), but no children. He didn't live in Minnesota, but sometimes he'd come stay at the house for a week or two and watch Chandler while his parents went out of town on a kid-free trip and he always treated Chandler like the son he never had. He was the closest thing Chandler had to an adult he could trust (although he never discussed his parents quirks with his uncle - even as an adult he never wanted to open that can of worms). Without any immediate family of his own, Paul had left his vacation home in Maine to Chandler. He didn't think twice before packing what he could in a suitcase and going to check out Merrock himself. He's been there ever since.

Chandler had a history of doing freelance photography to fill the gaps between what his parents were sending and the cost of living. But, as much as he enjoyed photography, he didn't have the connections in Merrock to go full-time with it. And he was so new to town, he didn't know how reliable it would be for income in the long run. So he got a job at Pause for Paws. It might seem like an odd fit for someone who's not exactly warm and fuzzy himself, but Chandler loves animals and had never really been able to have a pet in his life. And with him being really into cooking and a good amateur bartender, he figured those skills would be transferrable to working in a cafe. Since getting more settled into small town life, he has adopted a dog named Jenna and a cat from the cafe he named Ryan Renolds. 

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Keep Driving

OKAY, so I started this when I first heard the song and then fact checked the lyrics on apple music and I know he says “RIOT AMERICA” and not “RAYA”, IDK where in the world I saw the lyric “Raya” (probs TikTok or Spotify - they be slipping). Either way, the plot still follows “Keep Driving”. This'll be a 2 parter:)

WC: 6.4K

Also, I think I'm gonna keep making my own cover photos for my stories because this one came out soooo cute 😇

Y/N was hesitant to be on a celebrity dating app, but her friend recommended her and it seemed kind of stupid to turn down the opportunity. She wasn’t necessarily looking for love or a serious relationship, hence the hesitation. But it was a couple months into the quarantine and she was stuck at her rental home in LA and she was curious as to what kind of people she would find on there. 

She was staring at the invitation on her email. She could perhaps look at this as a networking opportunity, she was an aspiring personal stylist and maybe meeting someone who knew someone who was looking for a stylist might be able to help her get her foot in the door. Sure, it was a bit opportunistic, but from what her friend had told her most of the celebs on there were looking for a hookup and often offered up some of their celebrity or perks as a “thank you”. 

Fuck it.

Next thing she knew she was filling out her bio information and browsing through her photo gallery to choose some images that she felt would accurately represent her. She didn’t want to appear too over the top or sexy, she also didn’t want to be warding off Hollywood’s biggest and grodiest lechers. She also had to choose a song for her profile; how was she supposed to choose just one song to back her photos? After about overanalyzing everything on there at least 50 times she decided to just save her profile and see what happened. She did “heart” a few people who she thought were cute or had interesting profiles, there were plenty of older men on there that she wasn’t vibing with, so after about 10 minutes of searching for anyone else who would interest her she got off of the app and carried on with her night.

It had been almost a week or so before she got notified that she had matched with someone. She was nervous and avoided looking at the app all day and then finally during the evening she decided to take a peek. Y/N’s stomach was all in knots as she opened up the app and clicked the icon with the notification indicating a request to message. It was from a “Harry Selley” and the profile picture was of a guy with a camera to his face. She remembered she liked that person because they had taken really good pictures and their song was good. They had a lot of similar interests, music, food, fashion, and he had labeled himself as a photographer. If he worked freelance or even for editorials maybe they could become friends, if anything, and she could get in as a stylist for sets or something. 

She looked through the profile again before she made a decision on whether to open their message request or not. Again, the photography was striking, there was one that stood out to her, the only one with a human subject. It was a picture of Harry Styles on stage in concert. She assumed they had taken it at a show or something and it was incredible! She wasn’t necessarily a devoted fan of Harry Styles, nor had she or her friends in high school been bitten with that One Direction craze. She didn’t live under a rock though, she’d heard Watermelon Sugar, among a few other songs here and there, but despite her lack of knowledge on the subject of the photo, she could admit that having such a close shot of someone like Harry Styles was a big deal. This photo in particular was one of the best action shots she had seen in a while. She decided that this person seemed interesting enough and opened up the message.

“Hiiii, I’m Harry:) I like your song!”

That was all he said and she smiled, he seemed to be a bit shy. This could be a problem because she was too. But she decided to answer in a similar manner.

Hi Harry, I’m Y/N. And I too like your song choice:) 

Also, your photographs are beautiful! I love the one of that Italian village, you captured that just right. Also the one of Harry Styles. I mean, holy guacamole did you have a press pass or something because ANGLES! Haha it’s incredible!

She sent the message and exhaled before continuing with her evening. She was in the middle of watching Legally Blonde, carefully stuffing French fries in her mouth to avoid smearing her avocado face mask, when her phone pinged from the bedside table. She turned it over to see it was another Raya notification and she bit her lip anxiously as she opened it up and read the message.

It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. Well, through the Interwebs at least:) Thank you so much! 

She giggled as she read it and then saw he was typing again. She decided to reach for another fry as she waited for his second message to come in.

And well, I can’t actually take credit for snapping that last one because it’s of me.  But my tour photographer did an amazing job with that one.

WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. Y/N gasped when the text processed and it caused her to choke on her French fry. She started coughing up a lung as she tried to clear her airway. She had matched with thee Harry Styles? There was no fucking way! Sure she wasn’t necessarily one of his devoted fans, but she knew who he was and she wasn’t blind. The man was gorgeous. He was interested in her? The thought seemed foreign. This had to be someone trolling her. When her throat stopped burning she picked up her phone again to ensure she had read that correctly; she had. 

Oh wow…ummm why is your name not… your name? 

She typed and sent without thinking and then groaned as she read over her message over a few times and rolled her eyes at her stupidity.

So that’s my mum’s maiden name and I just didn’t want to like heavily advertise it was me on here.

Not that there’s anything wrong with dating apps! 

I’m just kind of private about my personal life. And you know, all it takes is one person to kind of blow it for others so I just decided to change it up a bit. 

Well that made sense to her. She smiled.

Yeah, I can understand that. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. I promise! Haha 

********

Harry smiled upon reading her message. He appreciated that this person was trying to create a space for him that felt secure and that she had even liked his profile because it was so vague that he genuinely didn’t get tons of matches. This app required for people to have at least one photo of themselves, so he went with a google-able image to be a little safe. And he liked that despite the elusiveness of his account she had liked him.

He then asked her about how she happened upon Raya and what made her decide to actually use it. And she explained that she was just a little bored over this stay at home mandate and that in all honestly she was also trying to network. She wasn’t sure about dating someone in the limelight; he could understand the apprehension. He appreciated her honesty, she wasn’t playing games or feigning interest because he was him. She was just bored and lonely, much like he was at the moment. And upon a bit more small talk he decided that he liked her enough to continue talking with her.

**********

Harry had been feeling really good the last few weeks, he was working closely with Tom & Tyler on some music now in Shangri-La, they were planning on staying for a while. He had taken his mental break from work and had allowed himself to relax, but he was now in “create mode”. This sudden burst of creativity may or may not have been catalyzed by a certain someone called Y/N. They’ve been speaking for close to a month and had recently graduated from chats into video calls. The last couple times they had cooked meals virtually and talked about the state of things. She would often share her goals with him and he’d also tell her what his next aspirations are. Things were going really great with them to the point where he’d feel comfortable calling her a friend now. He’s glad that he met her because she has kept him afloat through the really hard days when he can’t seem to get a hold of his mum, dad, or sister.

**********

Y/N was no longer actively seeking out friends or matches on Raya, Harry was a great quarantine buddy. He always checked in on her, he was attentive and thoughtful like that. She tended to be rather detached from people, but his warm and caring way of being made her reconsider her own approach to people, so she was putting a lot more effort into doing the same for her loved ones. It made her happy when his messages would come in asking if she had time to chat and she would always answer his calls. This one was going a lot differently as she laid on her couch, looking a bit rough, but he didn’t seem to mind it one bit as he talked about how he was practically moving into the studio currently and then he said something that threw her for a loop.

“I was thinking…maybe we can meet? I mean, if you’re open to that.” He followed up quickly and she was panicking inside as he said, “Obviously, we can like take a test and make sure we’re being safe and whatnot, but I don’t know, we can go for a hike if you’re not comfortable with coming here or me going to you. I don’t know, there’s tons of things. I also have friends who live on beach front property and like they can access it pretty easily and-” he was rambling off a bunch of ideas and she was just thinking to herself that she had no reason to be nervous, they talked almost every day and she liked him, it would most definitely be better in person. 

“Ummm, yeah. Let’s do it.” She interrupted him and suddenly his lips formed the most adorable smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah. We can do a little hike and if you want to come back to mine for breakfast? I don’t really trust my car heading out to Malibu. He’s an elder.” She said and he laughed at the description of her car and soon agreed to meeting at a place to hike and then go to hers for breakfast. They scheduled dates to get tested for any illness and agreed to meet up in the next few days.

*********

It was only 7:30am on a Monday and Y/N wanted to throw up as she pulled into the place her GPS had sent her to. Not just because she was nervous, but because she was on her period and she felt like god hated her for making this happen when she had something going on. She could see a single other car parked up near the gate for the trailhead and decided to just park beside it. It was an expensive car, so she figured it had to be Harry. She pulled up in her old little Miata, his car could crush hers if it wanted to. She saw a message come in on the app asking if that was her and she responded with a simple “yeah:)” before putting her mask on and stepping out of the car, he was doing the same and it felt completely surreal as he stepped out of his own car and she assumed he was smiling.

“Hi!” He greeted enthusiastically.

“Hi.” She giggled as they walked over to the sidewalk. He was a bit taller than she expected and definitely slimmer than she would think. 

“Is it weird if I want to hug you?” He asked.

“No, we can…hug.” She said a bit awkwardly before they just hugged, “It feels weird to actually have another person in my arms.” She spoke against his chest.

“I know. S’nice, I missed it.” He responded, not letting go just yet.

“I was never really a hugger before, but you hug really nice.” She pointed out as she pulled back a bit to look at him and he took that as his cue to let go. 

“Thanks, for a non-hugger you hug nice too.” He assured and she giggled. A small silence came over them for a moment, “So, let's ummm, get going?” He asked and she nodded.

“I’m not a hiker, I’m more into leisurely walks,” she informed, “So sorry if I’m like going slow.” She explained.

“No worries, we can take our time. M’not in a rush.” He assured. Of course, it was a little weird to actually be there with him in the flesh, but soon, that awkward feeling flushed away and he started talking about some of the things he was doing and thinking about. He was extremely insightful and smart and she could tell he was well read. And then he asked her if she liked reading.

“Sorry, no. I actually kind of hate it.” She confessed and he chuckled.

“No, that’s OK. S’not for everyone.” He assured.

“I mean, I have tried…” she elaborated, “I mean, the Twilight Saga and Fifty Shades in high school…” she said through a laugh, “But those aren’t good at all, so maybe I just haven’t found something I like to read yet. I kind of gave up on it after those.” She admitted.

“That could be… if you ever need recommendations I have plenty of things I’ve enjoyed.”

“Yeah, I’ll let you know when I’m ready to explore that again.” She giggled, “I actually really like period pieces, biopics, and docuseries, I’ve been obsessing over that new scientology one on Netflix with Leah Remini.” She said, “And if you haven’t seen it, The Queen’s Gambit, best show I’ve watched in years!” She said, “It’s about this like girl whose a chess prodigy. It’s really great.” She said excitedly.

“The fact that you’re so excited talking about it is motivating me to give it a chance.” He chuckled and she nodded.

“You really won’t regret it!”

“I must confess I started watching this one called Love is Blind with my friend. God it’s so messy but it’s absolutely addicting. And I also watched the Tiger King one.”

“Look at you, trash TV and Tiger King?” She laughed and he did as well. And just like that, things started going more smoothly. It had maybe been about an hour of them walking before they started heading back to their car, their pace a lot faster since they were both getting rather hungry. Soon she was leading him back to her place and after about a 20 minute drive they were pulling into the drive way of her home. It was like one of those two home properties and she lived in the back house. They got down from the car and then Harry grabbed a tote bag from his back seat.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I’m kind of a pretentious prick when it comes to coffee.” He explained, “Brought my roast and moka pot.” He said as she waited for him on the little path to the wooden gate that would lead to her front door. She laughed at this and he chuckled.

“I love that, that’s nice.” She beamed, “I’m a coffee drinker as well, not as picky, but definitely an addict.” She assured as she unlocked the gate and held it open for him, “It’s that little one back there.” She stated and he started heading back.

“Oh that’s cute.” He pointed out the little outdoor eating area she had under a tree in the corner of the backyard.

“Oh yeah, we can eat there if you want.” She offered as she removed her face mask, “I liked doing little meals with friends there and I have eaten there a few times, but it’s definitely better with company.” She smiled at him excitedly.

“Yeah, let’s do it then. S’nice out today.” He commented as they kept going to her front door, “Does someone live in the main house?” He asked.

“Not anymore. When I first moved out here like five or six years ago the owner, Matti lived there. With the cost of everything going up her kids helped her turn this garage into a second home, really modernized it to get someone else here to get her a little more income as a cushion and I was the lucky tenant.” She explained as she let herself in and he followed, “She’s the sweetest woman, but like almost two years ago she was diagnosed with dementia and things just started getting really hard for her kids.” She shared, slipping off her shoes and he did the same, listening as she spoke, “I would help out when I could, but at the time I was still a newbie at work and was kind of the go-to for any errands or the fix-it person for any inconveniences that happened, so I couldn’t consistently check on her.” She continued as she dropped her keys into an ashtray? He smiled at the little quirk and she then guided him to the kitchen, “Her kids ended up putting her in an assisted living facility. They were planning on doing some renovations on the main home and are letting me stay here to maintain the property while they decided whether to sell or keep renting it out.” She explained and then sighed, “Sorry, that was a lot.” She said and he shook his head.

“No, it’s alright. It was sweet of you to help her out. She’s lucky to have had you be the tenant. Everything looks nice, do you do it all yourself?” He asked.

“Not always.” She shared with him as she opened up the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs, butter, and little bowl of potatoes. “When I have a little more income I get a gardener to reshape the hedges and trim the trees and then a housekeeper to go and do a deep clean of the home. I mean, all the furniture is covered up now since renovations were supposed to start in February, but with the state of things who knows when they’ll get to start.” She explained.

“I see. Well it’s nice, I like it, it’s cozy and it smells really nice in here.” He said and she smiled.

“Thanks.” She replied timidly and he chuckled.

“Yeah, can I help with anything?” He asked her.

“Mmm, there are some strawberries in the fridge, if you want to grab some and just wash them so we can get a little fruit salad going.” She suggested and he nodded and found them and got to work on washing and she set out a cutting board and knife for him, “You can grab whatever from the fruit bowl to add to the salad.” She informed as she started shredding the potatoes on a grater.

“Perfect.” He responded. They were currently facing away from each other, so he wanted to keep talking with her to not waste any time, “So what is one thing I need to know about you?” He asked and she hummed pensively.

“Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. Well, maybe I just like breakfast foods, I could eat it whenever. Especially hash browns. They’re my favorite thing, with an egg sunny side up.” She hummed as she kept grating.

“S’that what you’re making now?” He asked.

“Yeah.” She giggled, “Do you like hash browns? Or should I reconfigure your dish?” She asked.

“No, I like them too. I like breakfast foods too, pancakes are a favorite.” He smiled as he shared.

“Yeah, pancakes are good, I like the fruity syrups. The blueberry one is everything.” She commented.

“Mmmm, that’s where you’re wrong. Plain old maple syrup is the way to go. Every time.” He tagged in and they started a discussion about that. 

Soon enough, Y/N was cooking up the hash browns in one pan and the eggs in the other while Harry made them some coffee. Finally, they were plating things up and heading out to the garden. The metal, yellow dining set had some floral patterned pads on the seats and the top was glass, completely spot free. She did take care of everything so well, as if it were her own. It was nearly noon when they were washing up the dishes and soon saying their goodbyes. Y/N didn’t want him to go, he seemed to fit in her space pretty wonderfully. 

“It was really great to actually spend some time with you. I had a lovely time.” Harry said to her as they walked side by side to the gate that would lead him back to his car.

“I had a lovely time with you too.” She promised.

“Maybe we can do it again sometime soon?”

“A little Monday ritual, perhaps?” She asked and he hummed.

“I like that!” He smiled brightly, “If you’re OK with that let's plan for it, yeah?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good.” She agreed as she opened up the gate to let him out and he followed her through, tote bag on his shoulder, he smiled at her.

“Honestly, it was so nice to get out and spend time with you.” He said again.

“Yeah, you too.” She assured, “Hug goodbye?” She asked and he grinned boyishly.

“Thought you’d never ask.” He beamed before extending his arms and they hugged for a moment.

“Be safe out there and let me know when you make it back. Just to know you’ve made it safe. And ummm, we’ll keep in touch.”

“Yeah.” He hummed before releasing her and heading to his car. She waved him off before heading back inside. He did text her as soon as he got in and she was able to continue with the rest of her day calmly.

*********

“How’d it go?” Tom practically sung as Harry walked into the living area of the studio. Harry just grinned bashfully as he walked further in and plopped down into the giant bean bag and sunk into it.

“Really well.” He smiled, looking at Tom who was working on his laptop, “She’s so sweet and she’s beautiful. She’s funny, genuine, and fun to be around.”

“That’s good.” Tom smiled back, “You seeing her again?”

“Think so. We talked about maybe doing breakfast once a week. Maybe I can get her out here at some point, show her around…”

“Yeah, woo her with the music, show her what you do. Go down to the beach… have a stroll along the shore.”

“Or a nice little picnic out on the lawn?” He questioned and Tom smiled.

“Yeah, that’s nice.” He assured. 

Harry had been having a rough time in dealing with his past heart break. He had been doing a lot of soul searching and was figuring out his place in the world and it was good to see him excited about something other than work. Who knew where things would go with this girl he had met, but he knew that people didn’t have to be in each others’ lives forever to make a positive impact, Tom had reminded his young friend of that many times. He hoped that for the duration of their time here Harry’d get something good out of it.

***********

It was the third Monday that Harry and Y/N had now met up for breakfast, when Y/N stepped out with the plates of toast, avocado, and roast tomatoes she smiled as she saw Harry snapping a picture of the current set up on the table. It was just the moka pot, his espresso and her mug, the soft boiled eggs and an orange he had probably picked from the tree planted near the other end of the yard.

“Cute.” She hummed as she approached and as soon as he finished up he turned back to her.

“What should I call it?” He asked as he set his camera down and walked over to grab one of the plates from her hand.

“Mmmm…Moka Pot Monday!” She grinned happily at her clever play on words and he chuckled.

“I actually really like that. Can I use it.” 

“Yeah, alright.” Y/N hummed her agreement before they started assembling their breakfast toasts. 

“So, I was thinking that maybe you can come out to Shangri-La next week?” He said, in the form of a question though and she started coughing as the food somehow didn’t pass smoothly down her throat, “Oh my god, are you OK?” He asked over her coughing. Reaching over and gently patting her back. After several moments she was able to catch her breath and groaned from the soreness in her throat.

“Bit off more than I could chew.” She rasped out jokingly and he chuckled as he handed her the coffee mug so she could drink some down to clear the uncomfortable feeling in her throat. Once she had she sighed and was able to relax.

“So what do you think?” He asked, “Would you like to come out there? Maybe on Friday afternoon? We could have dinner out on the lawn.The sea view is quite striking. I could show you around, show you some stuff I’m working on… or we can go down to the beach and walk for a bit.” 

“Ummm, yeah actually that sounds really nice.” She smiled and he returned the gesture. 

With each week they met up he’d been staying longer and longer. This day was no exception. Harry and Y/N had migrated back inside from their breakfast and he was laid out on her couch scrolling through Netflix, trying to find something for them to watch. 

“One of my friends recommended Narcos: Mexico to me, if you’ve seen it, do you think I’d like it?” He thought aloud as he sat up and looked to the kitchen where she was reaching up to put some popcorn in the microwave. 

Today she was wearing a cut-out tank top and with her reaching up like that he had a perfect view of the side of her breast from the enlarged armhole. It’d been a while since he’d been with anyone, and it’s not like he’d seen her whole boob. But just seeing the side of it had his mind drifting off to somewhere less than pure. Just that glimpse had him visualizing his large hands tearing off her top and groping at her breasts. Sucking his marks into the tender and warm flesh until they were littered in red and pink little blossoms shaped of his lips. Sucking at her nipples until the little buds were hard and extremely sensitive. To such an extent that she was nice and wet for him between her legs, nearly withering in her knickers from the way he would be tonguing at her nipples while guiding her to grind against his thigh. God, he’d been dying to find the perfect time to kiss her, he didn’t want to move too fast, but he just really liked her and he just wanted to do it.

“Well, I’ve heard from friends that it just gets real intense because the Mexican cartels got a little crazy with smuggling cocaine. Can’t imagine how it’s any different from the Colombia one. That one was brutal…have you seen that one?” She asked and he hadn’t responded and she glanced over at him and just saw him staring at her chest. She bit her lip to suppress her need to laugh. Such a boy… “Yo!” She called loudly and his eyes snapped up to her face and his face immediately went pink when he realized he’d been caught staring.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” He mumbled before looking away and she bit her lip again, holding back the grin that was threatening to split her lips as she made her way over to the couch. She wasn’t going to lie to herself, she had been curious about him too. About how it would feel to be wrapped in his arms, or hold his hand, or to learn how he kissed, and how, or even if, he’d put into action whatever little fantasy was swimming in his mind as he stared at her breasts.

“It’s OK.” She assured and he refused to meet her eyes as he shook his head.

“Should at least be discreet while sexualizing someone.” He muttered shamefully and she giggled.

“Hey, look at me.” She insisted. He breathed out loudly and let his eyes meet hers and she smiled, “S’not awful to occasionally be sexualized. It boosts the ego a little, to know someone you’re into finds you desirable in that way, no?” She reasoned and he chuckled a bit timidly.

“Yeah, I think that’s true.” He responded and then glanced to her again, “Wait.” He said, fighting off a grin.

“What?”

“You said ‘someone you’re into’. You’re into me?” He asked with a little grin still fighting for its rightful place on his face and it was her turn to get all bashful.

“I mean… yeah.” She shrugged, feeling nervous and her heart pounding a million beats a minute. Just then the microwave sounded off that the popcorn was ready and she was about to stand to head back over to the kitchen when his hand wrapped around her wrist.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked and she bit her lip and nodded almost dumbly and he moved up closer to her, the tip of his nose skimming down the length of her nose. Her breathing started to become shallow as her whole body buzzed with anticipation. His lips then landed on her cheek, close to the corner of her mouth, “There.” He mumbled before pulling back, looking into her eyes; they were full of need. Her pupils were blown wide and her breathing was still ragged with her bottom lip bitten even harder beneath her top teeth. He was testing her resolve, trying her patience, wanting to see just how much he could wind her up before she burst. She smiled at the little kiss he left on her cheek and didn’t push for any more than he was willing to give.

“M’gonna get the popcorn.” She responded and he nodded and let her go. After a few moments she was setting the popcorn bowl on the coffee table before settling into the couch beside him, at a normal distance.

“So what are we watching?”

“Ummm… I don’t know.” He said handing her the remote. He was the one with the intent to tease her but for some reason he was the one feeling frazzled and she was just acting as if nothing had happened. He was still in high tension, but maybe it's because he was already turned on to begin with.

“They have Inception… you ever seen it?”

“No actually.” He said and she stopped and turned towards him with her jaw dropped.

“How do you feel about mind fucks?” She asked and he grinned before he chuckled, “Like good ones, not ones that leave you all anxious and shit like Uncut Gems or Vivarium.”

“Like what?” He asked and she groaned.

“Harry, honey…” she sighed, looking almost pained at his question and he chuckled, “Well just to say the latter two films are like unsettling and Inception isn’t, it’s still a mind fuck but exciting and not in an awful and unsettling way. It’s like about using dreams to manipulate people, it’s actually really sick.” She explained and he couldn’t stop staring at her lips as she spoke passionately.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked again.

“Didn’t we already do this?” She asked with her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“For real this time.”  He assured and she hummed.

“I don’t trust you.”  She grinned and he chuckled.

“I mean, I get why, but the first time I just got nervous and I was trying to see if you wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss you, but you didn’t like, react how I expected so I just… kind of froze.”

“And how did you expect me to react?” She asked and he shrugged.

“Thought you’d fight a little harder to get an actual kiss. I didn’t expect you to just shrug it off.”

“You thought I’d just throw myself at you.” She stated factually. 

“When you say it like that it sounds unsavory,” he scowled a bit, “but… kind of yeah.” He confirmed and she smiled softly and exhaled before speaking.

“I mean, honestly, m’not desperate for anything to go physically further with you.” She stated, “Whatever you want is cool with me and if all you were willing to do on your own was give a kiss on the cheek then I’m OK with that and won’t push for more.” She explained her decision to just move on from their little moment, “Now, we can watch Inception. I think you’ll like it.” She decided as she faced the TV again and criss-crossed her legs onto the couch as she found the title and started it.

Harry was quite shocked at her response, this wasn’t an experience he had often. He somehow felt humbled by her, put in his place. He was shy and never wanted to be the person to pressure another person into something they didn’t want; it helped that people tended to be more forward with him. He was scared of pushing this from a friendship to more, he was kind of hoping she would be the one to do it, but it didn’t seem like she was budging. And if she was bluffing about not being desperate for more with him physically he really couldn’t tell, so he decided to go for it.

“Y/N,” Harry spoke and she hummed in acknowledgement and turned to him again, “you may not be, but I am absolutely desperate to kiss you.” He confessed before leaning, his hands coming up to grab her face gently, but she didn’t close the gap, she just grinned into the small space between them, “Really?” He mumbled in irritation and she giggled before she leaned in fully and their lips molded together.

Butterflies were erupting in both of their tummies as their lips continued to move together at a lazy pace. She was a great kisser and Harry didn’t want to stop. He felt relief when she moved to get closer to him and she opened her mouth for him as his tongue timidly rolled against her bottom lip before gaining his confidence and using heavier and more intention to thrust it into her mouth. She used her hands to press his body into the back of the couch as he helped pull her onto his lap. His hands were planted on her thighs now and her hands were resting against his chest, slithering up to rest atop his collarbones as his tongue slipped inside of her mouth again and she hummed before sucking on it, making him moan from deep in his chest. She wasn’t even thinking about it, just lost in the kiss when one of her hands was resting over his throat, right under his jaw, and her fingers were adding pressure to the sides of it making him groan deeper and for his fingers to dig into her thighs harshly, their eyes fluttered open and met as they slightly pulled apart.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” she rushed out as her eyes met his, they both were wearing these dazed and dark looks as he leaned back in to kiss her and before she even realized what was happening his right hand was wrapped around her throat and he did as she did to him, but intentionally; he squeezed at the sides her throat gently to restrict the airflow. Immediately her hand fell down to his chest again and her eyes fluttered closed as she moaned into the small space between them, stalling their kiss. 

“Look at you.” He hummed, “Fucking love this don’t you?” He teased and she nodded as best as she could, her entire body was covered in goosebumps  as he tightened his grip a bit more for just a moment before letting go all together and inhaling deeply as he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and sunk his teeth into it before letting go. Y/N felt like she was on fire from the inside out, she was losing her cool, but she gathered herself once more as she stayed in his lap, staring right into his eyes as they both silently decided what was coming next.

“Need to stop before I get carried away.” He said quietly.

“Good idea.” She responded and he just pecked her lips once more before helping her find a more comfortable seat and then they continued with the film they were watching. After the film was over she walked him out, like she usually did. 

“See you next week. And I was serious about you coming out to Malibu.” He reminded and she nodded.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll see you soon.” She smiled, watching as he reached for the car door and he stopped and hurried back to the gate where she was waiting to see him off and he grabbed her face and kissed her once more. But one quick kiss led to another and another until she was smooshed between the gate and his body as they kissed through smiles and giggles, they weren’t even sure how long they’d been standing there for.

“OK, ok, ok…” Y/N mumbled as Harry bit down on her bottom lip, turning her on beyond belief.

“Sorry, just really like kissing you.” He responded.

“Same, but you need to go. Your friends were expecting you.” She reminded. Right. He thought to himself. After all, he was in the middle of writing for a new album.

“Yes. Yes they were.” He confirmed and kissed her cheek before groaning and pushing off the fence and hurrying into the car. She smirked at him and he was doing the same as they stared through the windshield. She wiggled her fingers, waving him off as he pulled out of her driveway and he did the same before taking off. He couldn’t wait to see her again.

Read Part 2

[lemony-snickers]

it has been funny reading thru these survey results (the one referenced in this post).

full disclosure, i do not follow the blog that conducted the survey & didn’t know it was happening, i’ve just been perusing the answers on and off since seeing that post.

also gonna put this shit under a cut because nobody needs to hear my meandering thoughts on a thing that does not actually concern me asldfjasd

anyway.

sooooo many of the salty responses (and these are not the majority, they are just louder than the rest), the people who are complaining complaining about writers “not doing their job” and similar sorts of things seem typically to be upset about the following:

writers not writing enough

writers not writing the specific content they want to see

writers having other interests

writers lamenting burnout and lack of engagement, which they perceive as the writer’s fault

and like.  i just want to know.

how much is someone supposed to write?  how much is enough writing?

because when i started this blog i posted almost once a day.  an utterly & totally unsustainable pace.  burnout is real.  it really happens.  even when you love something a lot, it can still weigh you down.

and it is so easy, i think, to get caught up in the feedback loop.  to think “oh people like what i am doing, therefore i shoul do more of it.”

but at a certain point that is literally not possible.  i did burn myself out.  i had to step back because what i was doing could not be maintained.

i have posted approximately 5k-10k words per week on average, over the last two-ish months.  maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot to some people, but from an objective perspective, i’m gonna go out on a limb and say it is.  (and, you know, for once i will say i actually know what i’m talking about.)

is that enough?  should i be doing more?

more than half of the writing i have posted to this blog has been based on requests received.  and you know what?  more than half of those posted this year, i have never heard from the person who requested them.  anon requests, i understand, are submitted in such a way for a variety of reasons.  and i’m not expecting someone to “out” themselves on their blog by rb’ing their smutty kakashi/reader request onto their wholesome recipe blog or whatever.

but until recently, my ask box was open.  and i still did not receive asks from the folks who requested some of these fics.  just a, “hey that was nice.  :)”

i used to, but somewhere along the way, i lost that and i don’t know what i did wrong, you know? because according to these folks, i am doing something wrong.

am i expecting too much?  i spend hours writing.  i spend hours and hours and hours creating content for other people.  i do not have a ko-fi.  i cannot offer commissions.

is hoping for some recognition of the labor that goes into writing really so much to ask?

writing as a whole is entirely devalued in our society.  there is this expectation that anyone can write.

and you know what?  i am actually one of those people.  when i lost my job as a freelance writer, i thought, “that makes sense.  i’m not that special.”

but the time it takes is still time.  the effort it takes is still effort. even if everyone can sit down and write 50k words of smutty fanfiction, most people won’t.

the idea that burnout is “not real” or that writers need to “just post consistently” in order to maintain interest in their work is absurd.

i write almost every single day, but not every day is as productive as i would like it to be.  i recently had to help care for a loved one in hospice.  it was incredibly stressful; i travelled out of state, lived on an air mattress away from my spouse for a week while being under intense emotional and physical stress (dementia is a fucking monster, y’all).  i came home, stayed a week, returned the following weekend to say my goodbyes, drove back home, learned of my loved one’s death on the drive and cried in a rest stop parking lot, spent another week at home, and then returned for the memorial service where i had to give the eulogy because no one else in my family could.

it was exhausting.  and i worked every day but one that entire time, remotely or in the office.  i took phone calls from my grandmother’s bedroom and while i signed for hospital equipment and morphine refills.

and still i posted fanfic.  still i wrote requests for people even though all i wanted to do was chuck myself over a cliff.

is that not enough?  will it ever be enough?  will anything?

is it so absurd that i would post about that?  is grief a reasonable enough excuse to post something annoying and not what people followed me for?

idk.  listen, i think i am a garbage human with no talent, lol.  the fact that people do not comment much on my work, do not reblog it, always lands on my shoulders as a cloak of, “told you you were worthless.”

and, obviously, that is my own thing.  that is its own problem.  but what else is a person supposed to think?  when you spend countless hours writing something only to post it with the highest hopes and to hear nothing in return?

what is that supposed to mean if not, “sorry, but not good enough?”

in the end, all we can control is what we ourselves do.  the energy we put out into the world.  and i just cannot imagine being so hateful or judgemental or cruel.  i cannot tell you how often i have had someone say, “i’d love a sequel to this!” without sparing just a moment to tell me why.

the why matters, you know.  if someone’s work is good enough for you to read, good enough for you to ask for.

oughtn’t it be good enough for you to say why?

i’ve not been great at keeping up with my fellow writers lately and for that i do apologize.  but i hope you all know from my past screaming comments and reblogs and recommendations how much i value the work you do.  how much i see the effort you put in.

because someone should tell you it is.  someone should tell you that it’s okay to feel burned out or sad or to stop writing for a while because you need to do something else.

i’ll tell you.  i’m not great at telling myself, yet, but maybe eventually i’ll get there.

ramble over.  ily all very much, take care of yourselves.  <3

[honeybeekao]

No Lonesome With You

2137 words

Johnny Joestar/Gyro Zeppeli

fluff, slow dancer's a cat, modern setting

Summary: Johnny turned to Gyro, his eyebrow raised. "You didn't think to tell me ya got a cat then."

"Technically I didn't, she just walked in here yesterday and I haven't kicked her out." Without a moment to spare, Gyro skittered past Johnny and pulled Dancer into his arms, swift as lightning. She immediately climbed her way on to his shoulder, staring at the newcomer.

Wanting to get a closer look, Johnny rolled as far forward as the space allowed.

The atmosphere was desolate as it was quiet—far too quiet to possibly believe there were even other human beings on Earth. The shine radiating off his laptop was blinding - he never did opt to turning the brightness down, perhaps that contributed to the abundance of headaches. No matter, he wouldn't do anything about it—he'd just continue to sit, staring at a mindless article that he'd far off forgotten he was gonna read.

The time in the corner of the screen was small but at the same time so utterly bold as it quickly switched to the new hour.

1:00 AM.. His therapist had recommended he try melatonin to try and get a grip on his sleep schedule, but he'd already know it wouldn't work. Maybe the meds would, but the whole "getting more sleep" never did seem to be Johnny's thing. It didn't matter how much sleep he got - albeit it did if he had to wake up early, but that was the thing. Here, with a freelance job in digital painting and illustrations; he didn't need a specific wake-up time. It was all a way for him to revert to lackadaisical routine, but that couldn't hurt him. It got him through life, yeah it was lonely most of the time—but he'd survived hadn't he? It was okay because he was stable.. At least, financially, and the privacy he'd never gotten growing up was all around.

A curious notification popping up at the top of the screen caught his attention, straining his eyes to read the text he found it was from his friend Gyro. Of course it was Gyro, Johnny didn't talk to anyone else who'd even be awake at this hour. Diego was too ambitious to let his proper schedule be fucked up, and HP just didn't talk much when it came to online.

"yoyo do you wanna come over and taste test some things??" The message read, followed by a slightly blurry photo of a kitchen counter that looked like a tornado had blown clear through it—why was every capsule of food coloring basically empty? Aren't you supposed to use like two drops of that shit?

Are you /srs or /j Johnny typed quickly, thankfully noticing his typo of "/h" before sending it which.. what even would that mean? He was grateful for the vehement need to meticulously go over any message he sent.

"100% serious, I may have gone a bit overboard," Gyro said after around 20 seconds. Probably wasn't paying too much attention to their chat if he was baking.

I'll head over :)✌ he replied, closing his laptop and finding its case somewhere on his bed. How that somehow ended up under his blankets despite him not remembering putting it there- he'd never know. The fact it was 1 AM probably didn't make that matter any better.

When he finally stopped staring off into the darkness—how poetic— no, but it was a little concerning how much he spaced out — Johnny pushed himself into his chair. Ready to make the totally strenuous journey to Gyro's apartment.

After closing the door behind him, keys in his pocket and the bulky laptop under his arm, he wheeled down the hall. No one was out at this hour thank God, and the air was quite pleasant actually. It could be classified in the ever-popular Goldie Locks zone - not too cold, not too hot, perfect for going outside in the dead of night! Er.. morning? Both, neither.

After turning one corner, Johnny got to the door with a decorative cowboy hat hung up on the frame—yeah Gyro didn't actually live that far and it was a wonder that the two didn't just resort to sharing an apartment given how often they were at eachother's respectively. Johnny knocked on the door, then continued to let his mind wander.

Was it a twist of fate that Gyro had sent such a message at what seemed like the perfect time? If it had been any longer with him dwelling in the mental mindfield he called his brain, he may have sunk into the clutches of those damnable thoughts. The ones that veered their claws at random moments and whisked themselves away in the shadows when others were near. Usually, he could ignore it - but Johnny was finding it more and more difficult to as the demons got bigger, more effective. Some nights they ate him up inside like he was nothing but a cored apple, easy to rot. Oh Gyro, you've no idea how much I don't wanna be alone tonight.

The click of the lock, and the sudden appearance of his closest friend brought him out of his haze, knocking off the blank stare he surely had settled into. The man had a funny apron on, he really did have a certain charm tied in every aspect of his life, was that a pin of Link from Zelda?

"What's up Johnny Boy! Up at the dead of night I see?" Gyro said in a surprised voice, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm always up this late‐ and you knew I'd show up." Johnny replied with a snort. "Am I welcome?"

"Always—even if I don't expect it," Gyro answered with a wink, the implications of his statement flying right over Johnny's head as he wheeled into the apartment. A strong scent of cinnamon, vanilla, a hint of chocolate maybe? permeated the air like the morning of Christmas, and Johnny couldn't help but scrunch his nose at just how vibrant the smell was. It didn't overwhelm him per se, but it was far stronger than any bakery he'd ever had the pleasure to be in. How many things did Gyro make?

"I kinda got carried away by looking at recipes and couldn't pick only one, so by midnight I had like 3 mini cakes baked!" Gyro rattled off his tale like it was just some regular evening occurrence. Which in all fairness it kinda was. This wasn't the first time Gyro had made an entire weeks- maybe two weeks worth of something because he couldn't just pick one idea to test out; he was really a man of his craft.

"Did you use every spice in that cabinet?" Johnny joked, eyeing obvious colors of unknown dusts on Gyro's face. He watched as Gyro closed the door, then gave a grimace as the man shook his head like a dog who'd freshly exited the depths of a lake—there was stuff in his hair too?? How'd he manage that?

"What, why're you judging me," Gyro's voice came off offended, he had the gall to move closer to Johnny which prompty earned him the palms of 2 nimble hands half a foot from his face.

"Do you want me to have a sneezing fit, Jesus Gyro," Johnny wiggled his hands as if to say "shoo!" He wasn't really irked—and he was probably being a tad overdramatic—but what could he say? He couldn't stand sneezing over cinnamon and sugar.

Gyro huffed, then switched his gaze to the hall. "I was thinking I'd deliver them to whoever's in my contacts, maybe spin a wheel to see who gets the one loaded in food dye, but I was sooo lonely without my best friend Johnny! Thought it was worth having ya' around." He talked with such a large grin on his face you'd think he was telling his life's story. Not once had Johnny ever bothered bringing up what went on in his own head, but it seemed Gyro wore his heart directly on his sleeve - as prominent as his golden grills. If he needed company, he'd seek it rather than let the alternative swallow him whole. Admirable; how did he do that?

"Well you're in luck I wasn't busy." Never am, not at night at least. Johnny dropped his hands back to his lap and tilted his head ever so slightly. "Sooo you wanted me to taste test or something?"

"Yepyep! Since I dunno if it's even any good," Gyro looked off sheepishly while tapping his hand on the wall behind him.

"You're a professional chef, I doubt it sucks." Johnny smiled in weak amusement, pushing himself to leave the front-door area to reach the kitchen. Which, it shouldn't have been surprising that the scents of delectable sweets was only more ambrosial the closer he got to them.

"Is... is that.." The young man gawked upon entering the brightly lit room. His eyes were wide in awe at the spectacle of a little gray creature perched upon the top section of the mahogany bookshelf. It made neon eye contact with Johnny, its tail swishing around as the two were at a standstill.

"Pspspsps—" Gyro's call to the fluffy feline wooshed through the air and hit all 4 ears "—Daaancer!"

Johnny turned to Gyro, his eyebrow raised. "You didn't think to tell me ya got a cat then."

"Technically I didn't, she just walked in here yesterday and I haven't kicked her out." Without a moment to spare, Gyro skittered past Johnny and pulled Dancer into his arms, swift as lightning. She immediately climbed her way on to his shoulder, staring at the newcomer.

Wanting to get a closer look, Johnny rolled as far forward as the space allowed. "You seem friendly.." Illegal how tall Gyro stood when he wasn't slouching.

"She's not chipped so.."

Johnny stuck his hand out, slow and far away enough for Dancer's choice to get closer. He could feel air from her nose as she conducted her character analysis, his breath paused in slight worry. What he was worried about, no fucking clue but being rejected by animals has got to be the lowest of lows that ever could low. "She's got gorgeous ey—"

The man's words were snipped short as the weight of 4 paws landed on his lap, the fluffiness of a face pressing his stomach like he was some sort of pillow. What the hell what the fuck, oh my God. Johnny's face rattled in mortification, jaw dropped and eyes unmoving, but soon endearment tinged the water in his heart and his hand went to pet the kitty's head.

Gyro's grin couldn't possibly get any wider, the man's eyes shining glee and THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. "She picked you!"

"Shh go away I have a new best friend," Johnny could barely control the warmth in his voice, which was a feat given how rare that was. Wasn't his thing, some people speak in winter and some speak in Summer— it all depends on their nature. Diego definitely spoke in autumn.

Bright as hell, with Johnny's glare to match, Gyro's eyes glanced around his camera to give him a 'it was necessary you can't be mad at me' face. The polaroid printed, and the pretty picture began to appear in front of him. A mirror to the real thing.

"So since she's your best friend now you can just show up to see her whenever ya want." A statement of calm and welcoming words reached Johnny's ears a moment later as he held the polaroid between his fingers. He hadn't seen a photo of himself smiling so genuinely in.. in like ever. Something about it made him want the tears to fall—but God he couldn't cry over a cat. And he especially couldn't cry about a cat in front of his other best friend—why was it complicated like that?

Gyro returned to his habitat of cooking utensils and baked goods, some already put into containers and others stuck on the cooling rack that'd probably been long over its use many minutes before. He let the cats bond as he made small slices of the different desserts, transporting the dense feathers of pure sugar to a plate of graphic roses. This was also the only plate that adorned this pattern, Gyro'd been searching to find a set to match - perhaps that goal would never be achieved. Nevertheless, he set the plate on the table, opting to just leave it there for the two to snack on at any point. And he'd get to actually reducing the mess to wash-cloths and Clorox later. Not TOO much later, but an hour wouldn't hurt the counter surely.

"Where'd the name Dancer come from," Johnny spoke up. The creature really had chosen him, her purring resembling that of a running engine. A cuddle machine of a cat and a boy who'd never known the pure joy of it.

"Oh I dunno, the way she jumped seemed kinda like dancin'—" Gyro led his own way, hair flowing behind him towards the CD player that set closer to the couch in his cozy living room. "A bit simple but I like it."

"Me too," Johnny mumbled a bit, "my best friend Dancer."

[ridiasfangirlings]

Spy AU where Misaki is the executioner while Fushimi makes all of the plans and speaks into the earpiece to guide Misaki through missions. Now, nobody really thinks Fushimi is that great with fighting-- he's skinny and kind of looks exhausted all the time-- but one mission go wrong ends up with Misaki in real, grave danger. This is the missions where the group who kidnapped Misaki learns that no, Fushimi is not bad at fighting and is, in fact, a fucking menace, what with how brutal he is with those who dare hurt his Misaki.

Oh I like this, like imagine Fushimi just swooping in and kicking ass to save Misaki. Like imagine they work as a team and they do like mostly 'freelance' spy work, they're not affiliated with any larger groups and instead take smaller missions gathering info and doing sabotage and such. Yata does most of the actual fieldwork, like they use a headset and the watch Fushimi made him in order to contact each other. Maybe Fushimi has a bunch of cool spy gadgets that he made himself, like he has a small drone that can follow Yata around when there aren't cameras for Fushimi to hack into. He's basically always monitoring Yata and telling him what to do, with Fushimi in his ear even Yata can like disable complicated security systems and such and he feels like together they're invincible.

They do occasionally run across other people who do similar work, other information brokers and spy teams and such and most people assume that Yata is the muscle of the team. Fushimi's very clearly this skinny malnourished nerd who looks like he lives off coffee and Caloriemate (okay that impression was actually correct) so most people figure that there's no way Fushimi could do any actual fighting. This becomes a point of interest for some enemies who want to put the two of them out of commission, knowing that the person behind Yata is the real dangerous one as far as smarts and planning goes but Fushimi's physically super weak and can't do anything on his own, so if you just disable Yata there will be nothing Fushimi can do.

So say this one group of like yakuza or something have had run-ins with the Sarumi spy network before, Fushimi and Yata stealing their secrets or like messing with their bank accounts. This puts Fushimi and Yata in their sights and they find out about how Yata's the only one who's really strong, deciding to set a trap to capture Yata and effectively neutralize the two of them completely. The yakuza guys use some contacts to hire Fushimi and Yata for a fake mission, when Yata arrives at the warehouse where he's supposed to be stealing some top secret computer files he instead finds an ambush waiting. Fushimi can only listen as Yata tries to fight his way out, imagine him yelling Misaki's name and getting really agitated. Yata yells at Fushimi that it's trap and he should stay away, just before the line goes dead.

The yakuza guys take Yata back to their hideout and send Fushimi a ransom note, intending to lure him to the other side of town and kill him. Yata's desperately trying to escape, so worried that Fushimi's going to get killed. Imagine he's like tied to a chair in the back room of some large villa that the yakuza guys use as a headquarters, he's being guarded at all times and his watch has been taken away. That's when there's some commotion outside the room and Yata's guards end up going to check on it. Yata's trying to listen in on what's happening but all he can hear are like far away screams. The lights go out suddenly and Yata's getting really concerned now, it sounds like there's something major going on outside and he can hear lots of running and yelling. Eventually it gets quiet and the lights come back on, Yata tries to move closer to the door and calls out, wondering if anyone's there.

That's when the door opens and in walks Fushimi, he's a bit roughed up and there's blood on his clothes, maybe he's lost his jacket and Yata can see Fushimi's normally-hidden harness with all his knives. It's several knives short and Fushimi's holding a bloody knife in his hands, which makes Yata scream in surprise before he realizes wait it's not a serial killer it's just Saruhiko. Yata's so relieved, Fushimi clicks his tongue and says it's a good thing he put that secret tracker on Yata's shirt. Yata's like yeah I figured you would have, smiling as Fushimi unties him. They step out the door and the courtyard in front of them is just covered in unconscious mooks, Yata's like wow Saruhiko I think you went a little overboard. Fushimi shrugs and tosses his knife back into his sleeve, saying he was maybe a little worried about Misaki that's all.

[bookbeani]

Was anyone going to tell me that as an international student the United States of Hell owns my ass, or was I just supposed to find out the hard way: A Story

So for y'all who don't know, I'm in grad school, but due to extenuating circumstances beyond my control, am no longer receiving a stipend as compensation which would normally pay for my, you know, living expenses. Rent? Food? Clothing? Who needs that, amiright?

Here's where the problem comes in: as an international student, I can't legally get a job. And by "job" I mean I literally can't get paid to do anything. This includes:

Traditional employment where you work for an employer for a fixed wage/salary regardless of whether your employer is in the US or not (as long as you're in the US, fuck you)

Freelance work or self-employment, which includes online tutoring, online art/writing commissions, Patreon, Etsy shops, you fucking name it, regardless of whether your client is in the US or not (as long as you're in the US, fuck you)

Fuck, I don't even know if I'm allowed to have a ko-fi at this point, because how dare I make money while setting foot on sacred and holy US soil?

So, in conclusion, fuck the US. Fuck anyone who complains about immigrants "stealing" your jobs because guess what, I can't even sell a goddamn sticker while I'm in this cursed place.

[riathedreamer]

You asked for it: live thoughts from Ria and @creatrixanimi​ watching RvB Zero.

So, after having a movie night the day before (third movie night in a week, actually, we are very productive) watching Neil Breen movies and “Cool Cat”, it was now time to touch upon Zero. Sadly, Zero does not belong in the “so bad it’s good” category, but alas, Ria had to spoil Haley’s innocence.

This is not a proper edited review, but just snippets of our live reaction while watching the thing together. We are not drunk, but this continued way past midnight for Ria, so maybe her brain isn’t fully functioning. Also, Ria is a potty mouth because cursing is easy when it’s not your native language. Enjoy.

Episode 1:

Ria: I can’t figure out if they were trying to do a Grif and Simmons parallel with those two random guards talking outside, the ones with the Wash retconning.

Haley: Their armor doesn’t cover their noses. 

Ria: That’s gotta be cold. Frostbitten noses.

...

Haley: There is no exposition. Like, it feels like the writers had their idea and know what is going on, but we don’t so it just feels weird and random. It feels like a Marvel movie.

Ria: Is that a compliment? I haven’t watched Marvel.

Haley: Not a good one.

 ...

Ria: This episode isn’t that bad in itself. But it’s just there to establish that the OG characters can’t beat this new villain, but the new guys can, and, urgh.

 ...

Episode 2:

[The shot focuses on One’s behind.]

Ria’s dirty mind: Ass.

 ...

Ria: STOP CALLING HIM DAVID.

...

Ria: I like this character, but I don’t remember his name.

Haley: Raymond.

Ria: This is why we need a name system like with the Freelancers and states. Should’ve just been numbers all the way through. Except Eleven, you fucking whore.

 ...

Haley at the sight of Raymond’s phone: It’s so big.

Ria: It’s the future. I can believe it.

 ...

Ria: Here’s the thing driving me crazy. Axel is a normal name in Denmark. But like, only old people use it. I know two Axels and they are both older than eighty. So that’s when I think of when I see Axel.

 ...

[After the whole training montage where we are introduced to the characters, we are still confused.]

Ria: I can’t remember their names.

Haley: Well, they didn’t show all of them. They didn’t show One.

Ria: They did!

Haley: They did?

Ria: Wow. So we got all that tell and no show, and we are still confused.

 ...

Haley: When it comes to genre, it’s actually not that bad with the narrated tell and don’t show. If it wanted to be a cheesy/bad action movie, that’s a trope that’s used relatively frequently in the genre. It’s a bad action movie. But it’s not RvB. It’s kinda like a particularly bad Marvel movie.

Ria: You’re really not selling me on the Marvel movies tonight.

 ...

Ria: I know I’m just a sucker for Joe, but I keep thinking of s15. Like, here they just use the files as a cheap way to introduce the characters. But like, in s15, Dylan just read out loud Grif’s file, and it was not to introduce him, but like, to show the complexity of the characters and go against the files? I don’t know, it just seems way cooler now.

 ...

[After the whole “what’s East’s deal” scene, we were so confused. Literally paused for five minutes trying to figure who was whose dad and why and what. How many daughters did Axel have? And where are they? We were just lost. Future Haley: Him waxing poetic about his daughters while watching the two girls in his team train confused me like I thought he was talking about East and One and couldn’t count sdfghjk. Future Ria: I’d even watched the show before and I was still confused.]

Ria: I can’t figure out if they’re too fast or if we’re just stupid.

Haley: It’s like I’m trying to remember the details but it all slips through my fingers.

Ria: The whole Zero experience is to feel too old for this shit.

 ...

Ria: STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM DAVID

 ...

One: This is how it’s done, grandma.

Ria: Fuck you.

 ...

Episode 3:

Haley: People would like it if they love dumb action shows. It works as a mindless action show.

 ...

Haley: So this is a temple?

Ria: I hate the worldbuilding. Is this the same planet as before? Like, Chorus had temples, but it also had lore about it. Is this the same sort of temples?

Haley: So shouldn’t this temple have its own key? Why do they need to include Tucker? It makes no sense for the temple to require a totally different sword from a different planet.

Ria: So they could beat him up ‘cause OG characters are weak now.

 ...

Haley: I don’t like the training scenes. They are so long and boring.

Ria: This is like the third episode where they are training. Holy shit.

 ...

Haley: It’s not that bad. But if you like Red vs. Blue, it’s not something for you. They aren’t really comparable.

Ria: I just don’t understand what they wanted to continue for Red vs. Blue. Like, it’s not the worldbuilding or the plot or the characters. I just don’t get it.

 ...

Haley: Raymond is the best character.

Ria: I like Raymond.

Haley: He’s RvB. He should be the main character.

 ...

Ria: Did East just use the “I’m not like the other (girls)” line?

Haley: I don’t like her. She’s a brat. Why did Carolina have to apologize? They were just training, this is something she’s gonna have to deal with on a daily basis lmao.

Ria: Didn’t Carolina have a cast on her arm? It’s gone now. I can’t keep up with the timeline. So, she’s healed, but how long was Wash gone? They are so vague about everything. Worldbuilding, timeline, motivations.

 ...

Ria: …Did Carolina just say she’d suit up? While wearing a full armor suit?

 ...

[And this is where the cursed part takes place. To talk, we’d often pause the thing. Here, I randomly paused during the introduction for Starlight Laboratories. There’s a desk in the shot. With a fucking marker on it.]

Haley: That’s a Crayola marker. That’s a Crayola marker on the table.

Ria: Glad we can appreciate the details by pausing.

[Haley then missed the entire Axel flashback scene because she was too busy looking up pictures of Crayola markers. When this is revealed, Ria lost it for like, three minutes]

Haley: I had that marker as a kid. 

Ria: So 4/5 stars for the marker?

Haley: They were supposed to smell like blueberries or something but they just smelled like chemicals.

Ria: This is the most excited we’ve been about Zero so far.

[Future Haley: I was literally laugh-crying you dont understand. This was the best part of the show.]

...

Episode 4:

Ria: They all have super powers. It’s so weird.

Haley: I keep thinking they are gonna explain stuff. But they don’t. So I’m just confused.

 ...

[Haley has now brought forth all the markers in her room to find a Crayola one. She drops them all on the floor. Ria loses it again.] [Future Haley update: I found a yellow one it smells like lemons :)]

 ...

Ria: They are all glowing and have super powers. It’s weird. Like, I know we had super powered armor before but that was all connected to AIs. I don’t get how all of this works. They don’t have AIs.

 ...

[We both agree that we enjoy Raymond and Tiny. Bless them.]

 ...

Ria: It’s weird. The dialogue is so oblivious, it comments on its own mistakes. Like, Carolina just acknowledged Wash has had a computer in his head before. But they don’t acknowledge the whole canonical lore about his trauma regarding computers in his head and why he’d hate this. Same with the name David. They just noticed that it’s his first name and that’s how they’d show how close Carolina is with him, but they didn’t acknowledge the canon lore that Wash dislikes people using his first name.

 ...

Episode 5:

Haley: Why didn’t they use Locus’ sword instead. It’d make more sense. He’s the one travelling around planets and wanting to help people?? 

Ria: What’s the worldbuilding here? Is Tucker on the same planet? Is this Earth? Chorus?

 ...

Haley: Gotta love it when they make Tucker hit on teenagers.

Ria: Oh god why did they make East 18.

 ...

Haley: They should have done something with the Warthog song, even if that’s a Red Team thing.

Ria: I miss Red Team.

 ...

Ria: Wait, so if these three swords are connected, why can the two first ones move by themselves and they have like super powers connected to them? When Tucker’s sword is just boring? They didn’t even make a joke about how the two new swords are longer than Tucker’s.

 ...

Tucker: I’m fine, I have my sword.

Ria: That line is so tragic in hindsight.

 ...

One: It’s Tucker. He is dead.

Carolina: Oh my god.

Haley: *laughs her ass off*

 ...

Haley: I don’t understand why anyone is doing anything.

Ria: Your brain is still thinking about that fucking marker.

 ...

Episode 6:

Ria: The dialogue did it again! Wash just said “amazing medical tech”. Like, he points out a plot hole. Because that amazing tech can heal brain injuries and bring people back from death, but East had to be tortured for years to heal her vague illness? Like, why couldn’t their amazing tech fix that.

 ...

[While watching the design of the temple.]

Ria: It looks like those are just plates glued to the wall. Dinner is served.

 ...

Haley: There is no logical reason why they brought in Tucker. His sword isn’t even from this planet.

Ria: To lure in fans.

 ...

Haley in a very sad voice: The speech wasn’t good.

 ...

Episode 7:

Ria: Is all of this happening on the same planet? They keep driving. The worldbuilding is so weird. At least earlier RvB made a joke about how they could just drive everywhere. This is like a big desert, a training base, laboratory, city and temples and Tucker’s workplace, and I don’t know if it’s even on the same planet.

 ...

Ria: Diesel is just standing there waiting while they outfit Carolina.

Haley: It’s like a video game.

 ...

Ria: The temple’s walls are filled with runes.

Haley: It feels like a free/bought asset. It doesn’t even look like the temples on Chorus. It looks like something in WoW or something like that.

Ria: It’s driving me mad. I can read runes! Imagine a big boss fight and the freaking alphabet is plastered on the walls. That’s what I’m looking at.

 ...

Haley: Zero is such a boring villain. It’s not interesting when we don’t know what this “power” actually is or what he wants to do with it.

 ...

Ria: That’s the helmet Spencer wore.

Haley: Oh god I forgot about him.

Ria: So did the writers.

Haley: Spencer should have been the real villain.

 ...

Haley: *sees the random model of the temple guardian alien* I miss Santa.

 ...

Episode 8:

Ria: The aliens are just dancing in the background while Carolina is fighting Diesel.

Haley laughing: Oh my god, they are. They are just jumping up and down.

 ...

Ria: So, the villain just turned overpowered, and the solution is that Raymond just flicks a switch we haven’t heard about and now the heroes are overpowered too?

Haley: It just makes them shiny. And like... they don’t even use the “power”, they don’t fight him with their powers which only some of them have, they just shoot their ordinary guns at him while doing unnecessary flips.

Ria: I just remembered Church’s dick switch. That had more dramatic buildup.

 ...

Axel: You’re too cocky for that.

Ria’s dirty brain: Cock.

 ...

Post Zero thoughts:

[Ria returns from bathroom break and Haley is proudly showing off her marker over video cam.]

Haley: There was too much going on so I just focused on the marker.

Ria: So how many stars would you give it?

Haley: It’s really bad.

Ria: How many stars for marker representation?

Haley: Three out of five. It was only there for a second.

 ...

Haley: In the beginning, it wasn’t that bad. It was dumb, but also fun and sorta cool. But then it just went on for too long and they didn’t explain anything properly and it stopped being fun really fast. But I can see why some people might enjoy it. Like, you’d love it for its action but only that. Not for plot and/or the character writing.

Ria: I think my biggest problem is the worldbuilding. They kept everything so vague because they didn’t want to connect, not really. Like, where is this happening? When? Why are Carolina and Wash there? Like, the motivations for all the characters were so vague as well.

 ...

Haley: Raymond was great. He had personality and some good lines. And he felt like RvB. Like, he used his brain and actually got shit done, but he also wasn’t over-powered. He followed a similar character arc to what the Reds and Blues had. He sucks at fighting but he’s efficient and smart in a practical way with his rocket launcher. He does the most and he doesn’t stop being a goofball! Even Zero was focused on stopping him the most at the end. And he didn’t need to do any stupid flips.

 ...

Haley: The borrowed assets annoyed me. It ended up looking stupid, like, the temple felt more like fantasy than science fiction. And nothing like Chorus. And normally, RvB doesn’t have to worry about being cohesive because all of the designs are from Halo so it all makes sense and it’s connected. But this is just so random it feels distracting, I feel like this is a big reason people felt that Zero was so jarring… but on a subconscious level. It just felt off and there was no cohesive design. Also everything looked like it was made for video games and not modified at all for the show.

 ...

Haley: Honestly I was optimistic at first but then I got confused really fast and it kept getting worse because it was so fast. They didn’t explain stuff properly or at all. Like, they made it too big. Should have been smaller. I thought going with the “Starlight Labs is evil and needs to go down” plot would have been A LOT better and would have tied together multiple aspects of the story that the temple plot didn’t.

Ria: If I had the power which I don’t, I dunno, but I if the main point was to introduce new characters, I’d keep them tied to lore and worldbuilding we already know. So we don’t get so confused and it doesn’t feel so disconnected. Like, I’m still in love with the idea that it should have been Carolina on Chorus dealing with these soldiers who have been fighting all their lives and now don’t have to do that anymore. But maybe Chorus still needing an army, and that’s why she is training it. I don’t know, but like, familiar, build on what we know. And then they wouldn’t be superpowered, but like, just competent-ish but normal soldiers and we’d get to know them better, but I just think Zero just wanted them to be these super cool soldiers even better than Carolina so they could pull off all the fight scenes. ‘Cause it’s all Zero has going for it. The fight scenes. It’s its strength and weakness ‘cause they sacrificed everything else to look cool. And it does. But it’s boring and there is nothing else going on.

 ...

Ria: I’m still so annoyed about the temples. Why are they there? Like, on Chorus it was a big thing, also plotwise, but it had lore connected to it and the worldbuilding explained it. So, where are these temples? A different planet, right? Is it the same aliens? Are people just cool with the temples? Why haven’t they been explored before. Chorus made sure to explain all of that.

 ...

Haley: The West and East scene-

Ria: Feast.

Haley: Confused me. ‘cause West didn’t really regret anything. He just said why he did it. And then all of the sudden East forgave him and rejoined the team. It was so weird. He doubled down on the thing she hated him for so much I was like “Wow he’s kinda an asshole” and then all of a sudden she was on his side? What?

 ...

Haley: Zero does its job if you want action and nothing else. And it’s not RvB. Don’t watch it if you like RvB. And I just want to acknowledge that we are nitpicking. Quite a bit. I’ll admit that. But, I wouldn’t nitpick the other RvB seasons the same way because the old RvB never took itself seriously the way Zero did.

Ria: I agree. We are nitpicking. But like, that’s why we have the movie nights.

Haley: But we are also allowed to criticize it. You can do that with any season. And with the other seasons, you could nitpick it and you can find stuff you don’t like, but there are always stuff you do like or that other people like. I just can’t find anything about Zero that I like. Besides Raymond.

Ria: Yeah. Like, I really love 15. And it had so many flaws people pointed out. And when it comes to criticism and Zero, I just don’t see many points about why people like it. They are allowed to do that though. But, like, we could have a movie night where we watch the Chorus seasons and we’d nitpick so much because we both have issues with it, but there is still so much stuff we’d still like.

Haley: I like Raymond though. He’s like Grimmons lovechild.

Ria: No. Fuck you. Don’t put that in my brain.

 ...

Haley: Raymond being in this… I want to say it feels like the Freelancers seasons but if Grif was part of the team or something. But that’s just “Hit and Run”. *laughs*

Ria: NO! That’s cursed. Shut up. Also, the Freelancers were way better written.

Haley: And those seasons made better sense.

Ria: And like, the Freelancer seasons did the thing with change of tone and have these new and super cool characters and fight scenes. But they kept half of the seasons to be around the Reds and Blues so we still had the humor and the dumbasses, and Zero just, it didn’t connect.

 ...

Haley: So, I have some thoughts on Zero.

Ria: I know, you fuck, I had to write them all down by hand.

Haley: I like bad movies, actually, but Zero didn’t stay fun, so no, I didn’t enjoy it.

 ...

Ria: Do you forgive me for making you watch Zero?

Haley: Yeah.

Ria: What should we watch next?

...

Also, Haley dressed up her dog for the event and you all deserve to see her:

[mercurysnitch]

1976 Guitar (200 follower celebration)

Summary: An Australian runaway walks into a London pub... and finds herself having a drink with the one and only Roger Taylor.

A/N: As promised, my little celebration piece. I actually started this after I hit 150 followers, but I put it aside because I wanted to work on other things, and then decided to keep it for my next follower milestone. Which ended up taking a lot longer than I was anticipating, but hey, we got here in the end. 

Just fyi for clarity, the reader here is Australian, but living in London after finishing journalism training. Yes, even in the 70s London was full of runaway Aussies. But it must have seemed a lot further away in the days before instant messaging and video chat and free phone calls over the internet.

Title is from a Skyhooks song, recorded well after the 70s, incidentally. The bits in italics are lyrics from the song. This isn’t a song fic, and I honestly can’t remember why this is set in 1976 (I think it just sort of popped into my head like that) but those particular lyrics seemed quite fitting.

Warnings: Drinking, light swearing

*********************************************************

...one night I met a girl at the Sebel bar

And she taught me how to play that 1976 guitar

London, 1976

You decided you liked English pubs soon after you moved to London. They were cosier than the airy places you were used to back home, and the clientele were a lot less rough. Most of the time.

Your favourite pub was your local, just around the corner from your poky little second-floor flat. Decent food, good drinks, and interesting people. The bands playing on Saturday nights were always worth a listen too. Tonight, though, was a weeknight, which meant you were there for a stiff drink and maybe a nice greasy pub meal.

You hardly looked at the bartender as you flopped onto a stool. He floated over almost instantly anyway. "What can I get yer?" "Whiskey please" you ordered, attempting to be polite but mostly sounding tired. The barman smiled. "Coming up." It was fairly empty in the pub, so he returned with your drink almost immediately. You smiled gratefully and wasted no time taking your first sip. But you'd barely swallowed it, still dealing with the afterburn, when you heard a huff of surprise from a neighbouring stool.

You turned in the direction of the noise to discover the source: a youngish bloke with shaggy, pale blonde hair and big blue eyes. He looked strangely familiar, but you couldn't think where you recognised him from. If you weren't so annoyed you would've been taken aback by how attractive he was. Instead you glared at him. "What's your problem, mate?" He flashed you an annoyingly pretty smile. "Nothing. Just don't see many girls drinking whiskey like that." "Like what?" you shot back. "Like they do it all the time. Suits you, though." He flashed the smile again, and you felt your anger ebbing away.

Seeing the smile again seemed to jolt your memory. "Fucking hell," you gasped, "you're Roger-" "Don't say it" Roger hissed, cutting off your exclamation. "You'll tell the whole pub and then I won't get a moment's peace all night." You immediately looked downcast. "Sorry." Roger smiled reassuringly. "It's alright."

You eyed Roger curiously. "So tell me, what's the drummer from Queen doing in a place like this?" He broke into a cheeky grin. "I could ask you the same question" he said flirtatiously. "I've had a very long day and I live around the corner" you told him. "What about you?" "We used to play here, in the early days" he explained. "I always liked the atmosphere, and the people are always… interesting."

Suddenly you noticed him eyeing you up with curiosity. "I like your accent but I don't recognise it. Where're you from?" he asked casually. "Australia" you told him cheerfully. You noticed his expression fall slightly. "Not from Sunbury, I hope" he joked. You grinned cheekily. "Melbourne, actually. But I don’t blame you for not liking Sunbury." Roger was shocked. "You know about that?" You nodded. "I was there. It was a great day, actually, for me at least." Suddenly you smiled. "Anyway, whoever thought booking Queen to play at Sunbury was a good idea clearly knew nothing about bloody Sunbury. Or Australians, frankly." Roger smiled grimly at the memory. "God that was a shit gig. Might be the worst reception we've ever had." "If it makes you feel any better I enjoyed your set" you told him softly. "Queen's just a bit too sophisticated for most Aussies, I think." "But not you?" he asked, smiling. "But not me" you agreed.

"So what brought you to London anyway?" Roger asked. "I got sick of Australia" you told him. "It's so… behind, culturally. Anyone who's a serious artist or writer or whatever buggers off to London or somewhere first chance they get. So when you're still there you feel so far away from everything, it really feels like you're at the arse-end of the world sometimes." Roger grinned. "Arse-end of the world. I like that" he mused. "But I don't think you've come to the other side of the world just because you thought Australia was boring." You stared at him crossly. "Oh yeah? Why d'you reckon I'm here then?" you asked, challenging him with a look. "I think you ran away from something" Roger declared softly. "As far away as it was possible to get, just about."

You stared at him in shock. Now you thought about it, he wasn't exactly wrong. Suddenly your expression darkened. "Well, I suppose I'm running away from my mother and her bloody expectations of how I should live my own bloody life" you grumbled. He quirked an eyebrow. "Expectations?" "She wants me to be like her" you explained. "Find a nice bloke with a ‘suitable’ job, get married, buy a house, pop out a few kids, be a bloody housewife for the rest of my days." 

"And you don't want that" Roger said quietly. He understood how it felt to choose a life different from the one your parents wanted for you. "No, I bloody well don't" you agreed. "I want to achieve things with my life, have a proper career." Your mother had told you several times that there was no point trying to advance in your job since you were just going to quit when you got married anyway. The recent feminist revolutions seemed to have entirely passed her by, but then Australian society in general did have a tendency to run a bit behind on things like that.

Roger's gravelly voice pulled you out of your thoughts. "And what might that career be?" You smiled. "I'm a music journalist. Well, I'm a researcher right now, but I'm trying to freelance a bit on the side." Roger nearly laughed. "Y'know, most music writers seem not to like us for some reason" he observed wryly. "But I get the impression you might be an exception." You grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” "Maybe I would" Roger quipped.

You both drank quietly for a while, Roger gazing at you curiously. "Y'know, you never did tell me what's driven you to drink on a Wednesday night" he commented, casually as could be. "You really want to know?" you asked incredulously. Roger nodded. "Wouldn't ask if I didn't, love." You sighed. "Well, I was supposed to have a date last night, but he stood me up, which was just a delightful way to spend an evening" you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm. "Then this morning my boss was even more of an arsehole than usual, and I found out my article that was supposed to be published next week got pulled from the issue, so god knows if it'll ever see the light of day now. And then when I got home the disappearing date had the nerve to ring with a pathetic excuse that I'm almost certain he made up, and apparently he was blind to the possibility I wouldn’t want to reschedule the date he missed until I spelled it out to him."

Roger winced in sympathy. "Christ, that is a shitty day." “Well, it seems to have improved since I got here” you observed, flashing a sly smile. Suddenly he grinned, not bothering to be subtle about eyeing you up again, almost appraisingly this time. “You know, I could make it even better, if you’re interested” he said smoothly. You cocked an eyebrow in interest. “Oh, really? And how exactly would you do that?” “Have dinner with you” he replied, not missing a beat.

You blinked, shocked. “You want to-to what, take me out to dinner? Why?” “You seem interesting” Roger said, shrugging. “Besides, I like having company when I’m out, being alone’s not as fun.” You had to agree with him there. “So is it a date, then?” you asked, still a little uncertain about the turn your evening was taking. Roger smiled cheekily. “If you want it to be” he said. He seemed nonchalant, but you thought you detected a flicker of uncertainty under the rock-star swagger. You grinned. “You know what, bugger it. Take me on a dinner date, Roger.”

******

There were some decisions in your life you would live to regret, but going on that first impulsive date with Roger wasn’t one of them. One date very quickly became many, and before you knew it Roger was a fixture in your life. Well, as much as a touring rock star could be, anyway. You found it oddly satisfying writing a postcard telling your mother you were going out with a shaggy-haired rock’n’roll drummer, knowing he was almost the complete opposite of the sort of person she wanted you to pair up with. You’d also finally managed to get an article published in the paper, but, predictably, your mother’s response to your postcard entirely neglected that achievement in favour of detailing every reason she thought you should leave Roger and return home immediately. None of them really held much weight, and the suggestion your actions would damage your reputation back home was in your view rather forcefully disproven by the enormous quantity of messages you received from both friends and relatives congratulating you on both the article and your choice of boyfriend.

You did eventually find the things your mother wanted for you with Roger, in a way. Technically you never actually got legally married, but you were deeply committed to each other. And you did end up with the big house and the family of your own, alongside a flourishing career in rock journalism. It wasn’t always easy, juggling everything and getting people to take you seriously as a journalist, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometimes, just sometimes, you were just a tiny bit grateful for that shitty day in 1976.

In '74 we got tight, in '75 we starred

Then we learned to play that 1976 guitar

**************************

A/N: I don’t think there’s too many Australianisms in here, but feel free to ask if you’re confused!

Taglist: (as always let me know if you want to be added/removed/think you should be on here but aren’t - it’s been so long some tags have changed since I added them) @wandering-at-midnight @royal-avengers @trumanjo @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @itsametaphorbriansblog @wineandwanderings @simplyvictoria-93 @kotoamor @j1224 @florenceivy @jennyggggrrr @mercurycrowley

[firelord-frowny]

sad blah blah

almost unanimously, people have only ever said extraordinary or at least good things about me. anyone who’s ever seen me do anything, whether it’s writing related, music related, performance related in general, or intellect, no one has ever reacted to me with “meh.” 

i went to college on a talent based scholarship that i barely even had to apply for. literally, immediately after my audition, i somehow wound up mentioning that i had missed the deadline for the scholarship application or something. the entire panel of judges FLIPPED OUT and basically demanded that i go complete the application right away because they wanted me bad. 

in my first semester, we had to work with some local ~professional artists~ in baltimore and one of our assignments was to complete some sort of art project that explored the concept of ~refuse versus environment~ or something like that. We were supposed to complete it over the course of a week and then bring it to our next meeting with the artist. i did my project ON THE BUS while we were on our way to that meeting. I scribbled a few stream-of-consciousy paragraphs about... something lmao i don’t remember. but i read it out loud to my group and then the artist spent like a solid 15 minutes gushing about how ~in all his years of being an art professor at some of the most distinguished programs in the world, he’s never heard such an elegant and artful take on blah blah blah~. 

the president of my university???? asked me personally to come and perform at his home for fancy events with other Important People like donors and politicians and researchers??? and like. this man had a whole “60 Minutes” special about what a critical role he’s had in using education to strengthen communities. this man sat at tables with obama while he was in office. he paraded me around to other Important People and talked about what an outstanding artist i was, my sparkly personality, my ~delightful wackiness~, blah blah. 

Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR professors who were all world-class musicians at a festival i attended, singled me out as particularly gifted. the kinds of shit they were saying to me in front of everyone did not get said to anyone else. 

when i was at Tanglewood, even though i fucking sucked because i clearly hadn’t practiced all the music, all my chamber coaches STILL made sure to let me (and the other people in my groups???) know that i was the more skilled player in the ensembles. I wound up having to sit last chair at one of the concerts because there had been some miscommunication that led to the directors thinking i was leaving the program (i was super homesick and had been asking my parents to come get me), and despite that fact, after the concert, the conductor - who had never even spoken a word to me personally - made sure to hunt me down in the crowd as everyone was leaving, and tell me what an outstanding player he thought i was, and that he felt lucky to have had me in his orchestra. 

i spent a summer at Summit Chamber Music Festival in upstate new york. the skill level among the students ranged from Laughably Inept to Why Aren’t You At The Curtis Institute. I was by FAR not the worst player there, but I also definitely felt like I was nowhere near the best. But the program director specifically, deliberately placed me in the highest level orchestra, surrounded by players who were fully capable of playing shit like paganini and weiniawski and whatnot. When he wanted to put together a small chamber group, he pointedly selected me to play 1st chair. My string quintet included 3 other string players who were lightyears better than me. Yet our coach frequently turned to me to demonstrate the ~right way~ to play a lot of the more difficult passages. And like... I was the 2nd violinist lmao. It’s almost aallllways the 1st violinist that coaches will ask to demonstrate stuff for the rest of the group. but he asked me. every time. our quintet was ultimately selected to close out the entire festival, a la Saving The Best For Last. The pianist in my quintet, according to his mom, thought i was incredible. this pianist was a bona fide prodigy and he thought i was incredible.

LITERALLYYYYYY everywhere I’ve ever performed, everyone has been so impressed with me. directors of major musical organizations have always made a point to get my name and contact info because “we’ll definitely be contacting you for more work.”  

Everyone who’s ever seen me teach violin thinks I’m uncommonly good at it. i mean, i’m no galamian, duh, but apparently i’m able to get students to sound better than the average teacher can.  

everyone who read my first screenplay claimed to be floored by it. i spontaneously read some of my prose at an open mic night and uh, accidentally snatched the show right out from under the featured artists' feet. 

I used to act???? and was pretty fucking good at it?? I starred in a small handful of local plays? i was cast in ~large roles~ in everything i ever auditioned for. 

my talents in visual art are decidedly Well Above Average. 

i have such a fucking long list of things people think are outstanding about me, and an incredibly long list of people who have bothered to tell me that i’m outstanding, and it makes me feel so fucking sad and frustrated bc like....

lmao why the fuuuUUUUCCCKKKKK does it continue to be so difficult to find anyone who feels like giving me any legit career opportunities?? Even when they’re aware that i’m available?? and willing?? 

i’ll have a 10 minute conversation in which a professor or a director or a coordinator is telling me all about how impressed they are by my skills at Whatever, and how i should do This and i should do That and i should go Here and i should go There and then they ask me where i’m currently working/what i’m currently doing, and i say, “oh, you know, mostly freelance gigs and lessons as i’m looking for full time opportunities,” and then they say “cool! good luck!” and leave. 

i feel sad and confused and delusional. if im so fucking great, why aren’t people reaching back when i reach out in search of a means to earn a fucking living?? 

i know the short answer is that i still don’t ~put myself out there~ and i give up too easily. but also like... i have BEEN out there. the total positive experiences i’ve had with influential superiors over the years have been plentiful and frequent enough that SOMEBODY should have wanted me to contribute something substantial to whatever programs they represent.

and since i feel like i must be delusional and that i must not actually be such hot shit and that everyone is lying to me to spare my feelings, it makes me not even want to try harder bc i’ll wind up discovering for certain that everyone thinks i’m trash. 

what do i have to doooooooo to find The Right Opportunity other than reach out to the same people who told me how phenomenal i am? i make sure Potential Employers see/hear me being fantastic. i apply for jobs in their organization if i know they’re hiring. if i know they’re not hiring, i at least convey that i’d be interested in possibly working with them. but nobody reaches back.

i’m so good at things and i feel like a fucking deadbeat loser lmaoooooo

maybe they don’t actually know that i’m fucking jobless??? lmao maybe they’re assuming that i must already be active in a real career? maybe i need to literally TELL them as they’re praising me, “i’m unemployed and i need a job, do you know of any full time opportunities you could point me to?” but i feel like people think it’s a ~red flag~ when a potential employee doesn’t already have a steady job??? but also... how the fuck is anyone ever supposed to get a steady job if nobody’s willing to hire them because they don’t have a steady job???

i feel Stupid and i think that whenever i finally get the fucking resolve to start therapy again, i’m gonna just show this whole ass rant to my therapist. 

[causticsunshine]

i was tagged by both the lovely @dyingstars-x and @harrymegirlfriend to answer twenty questions about myself! this was a lot more candid than i anticipated but here we go~

💗what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

alex!

💗when is your birthday?

july 21st! cancer season baybee

💗where do you live?

in the US! i've been in the pacific northwest for about eight years but i'm definitely still a californian at heart

💗three things you’re doing right now?

1. jobhunting 2. trying to open my online shop 3. attempting™️ to finish deadline stuff and this HSLOT drawing i've been working on since saturday 🤞🤞

💗four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

i go through little phases where i have my one big primary interest—one dee since returning to it last summer—that sticks around for awhile and then some smaller, less involved ones that tend to come and go, so i'd say right now the only other 'fandom' i'm kinda in is for MDZ/the untamed/cql, even though i'm a very late member to the party!

💗how is the pandemic treating you?

okay i guess? i'd really like to be moved out already as being in therapy and gaining confidence since my big mental breakdown last fall—accompanied with quitting my job of nearly four years that didn't get me anywhere in life—i've realized how many unhealthy behaviors and mindsets are perpetuated in my household and how they're....really not good for me at all. but i also know i can't get to the place i'd like to be mentally and emotionally without moving out, i also can't move out until i find a 9-5 with bennies with all my health problems + me losing my insurance in the new year so it's been....a time.

buuuut besides the soul crushing terror of being an adult living at home with people who don't understand you, i'm confident now and a lot of my mindsets have changed to healthier ones and i've regained my love of art and being creative?

💗song you can’t stop listening to right now?

it's a combination of 'i wish i never met you' by loote, 'crowd' by sophie cates, and...... 'stay' by the kid laroi + justin bieber (although i think that one's just an earworm i need to work out lmao)

💗recommend a movie

i just got to rewatch 'cowboy bebop: the movie' and it's sooo fun....(spoilers) i know the ending of the anime is supposed to be purposefully open as it just covers a section of time in the characters' lives where they're all together but i kinda wish i'd watched the movie after as opposed to when it takes place because it's a little bit...of a nicer (and much clearer) wrap up!

💗how old are you?

twenty five 🧓

💗school, university, occupation, other?

currently jobhunting for a Boring grown up job just for some regularity and insurance (and $$ to get my ass OUT) but i want to take on freelance commission work again too! i dropped out of uni in like 2018 because the school i was going to kept fucking me over with credits just to get my associate's but maybe i'll go back one day.....maybe.....

💗do you prefer hot or cold?

HOT only because it's so gd cold and wet where i live now and even when the summers are warm they're super short and don't compensate for the months i spend not moving out of arthritis pain and freezing my ass off

💗name one fact others may not know about you.

i always come up with fun ones when i don't have any reason to share them lmao but i guess.....staying on-brand with 1d stuff, and i might've said this before, but louis gave me my first bout of gender envy that i recognized as actual gender envy when i was like, fifteen? and as i was coming out of my obvious emo phase into one more subdued, i totally dressed like twink louis for almost a year....haircut and everything....

if i can find the one photo i'm thinking of i'll post it but until then use your imagination sjkgdf

💗are you shy?

i can be? i think once i vibe with someone enough it becomes easy to talk to and open up to them but before that i can be pretty closed off and a bit impersonal.

💗do you have any preferred pronouns?

they/them!

💗any pet peeves?

i'm one of those 'people talking or random noise being made near me while i'm trying to concentrate on something fuels my murder response out of nowhere' people but otherwise...outside of common courtesy/manners stuff being ignore, i don't think so? although i genuinely hate when people walk right behind me or right in front of me...shit makes me anxious and ticks me off dfjkngdf i got shit to do!!

💗what’s your favourite “dere” type?

am i boring if i say tsundere just because it's relatable? although dorodere is kinda fun in the right setting....i love a good character twist!

💗rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

i'd say a 5? there's a lot more i want to do and achieve and things i know i could have right now if my ADHD and anxiety didn't still have such a death grip on me but i'm also in the best headspace i've been in in years so i'll take that as a win!

💗what’s your main blog?

this one!

💗list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

swmpwxtch is my art-only blog because i'm slow at finishing things and know there's no point trying to make this an 'art blog' when i reblog so much, and then prickelndauge is my insp blog (so if you're wondering why there's a startling lack of fashion and art on this blog, it's mostly over there!), then i have one for creepy/spooky stuff (bonepickng) because i know not a lot of people want to see that on main, aaaaand am-ref a ref blog for art tips, life things, donation pools, etc.! (and some old urls i have saved)

💗is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

at the risk of sounding like a YA protagonist: my heart is full of love and i try to be as understanding and open as i can be but i also have a very short bullshit fuse, so while i'm still happily understanding of certain behaviors and mindsets, if you cross the line that i put very bluntly in the sand, you're not crossing back over.

(ie i love my friends but don't be a dick and if you are you get one warning and that's all <3)

uhhh i know a lot of people got tagged already and have done this so! i'll be tagging @grimmpitch @hershelsue @niallnailme @dragmedown @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @justmehernthemoon @non-binharry @genius0flove @mamaharry @theymetinthetoihlet @saintqueer and uhhh anyone else that would like to!! and if you've done this already please ignore me~

[calpalirwin]

Hush, Hush

Request: Could you please write a Michael x Reader based on the song Hush Hush by The Band CAMINO? Where they have a secret relationship. Maybe include a scene where the guys find out because read accidentally LEFT THEIR FRIGGIN UNDERWEAR

Content: Heavily implied smut

Word Count: 3.6k

And away, and away we go!

__

Y/N spotted Calum easily as he tried to look as inconspicuous as possible in a plain black t-shirt, blue jeans, a hat covering his head of curls, and sunglasses pushed up on his face. “Hey, you! How was your flight?” he greeted as he wrapped his cousin in a hug.

“Long, but worth it to be here,” she grinned, returning the embrace with the same amount of warmth as the bright LA sun outside. “You fuckin’ take a page from the Avengers? You know this disguise is shit, right?”

“If I learned one thing from all the covid nonsense, it’s actually that this shit disguise works surprisingly well.”

“In covid we covered the lower half of our faces, ya dingus.”

“Works the same either way. Half the face covered is half the face covered. You check any bags?”

“Nah, I crammed as much shit as I could in my carry on and backpack.”

“Sweet, let’s roll.”

“So, you like living here in LA?” she asked as they made their way to his car.

“Yeah. Kinda hard not to. Nice weather. Good people. So, I know you’re here to look at houses and stuff, but Mum didn’t explain to me why you’re moving here. She was just like ‘pick up your cousin from the airport and be good’ like I was just gonna leave you to fend for yourself or some shit.”

Y/N laughed. “While I definitely appreciate you picking me up, and letting me stay with you this week, I’ll kick your ass if you start babying me. You may be taller, but I’m still older than you.”

Calum laughed along. “That’s what I told Mum but, she wouldn’t listen. I was like Y/N’s a big girl, she doesn’t need a chaperone.”

“That’s Aunt Joy for ya though. She misses you. We all do. Well except me, of course.”

Calum snorted as he clicked the unlock button on his car. “Yeah, I miss everyone but you too, so I guess we’re even. But what was it that sent you here?”

“Job relocation. Well… sort of.”

“What do you mean sort of?” he asked as he placed her suitcase in the backseat, the backpack following. 

“So I’ve been doing a lot more freelance work since my job’s been fucking me around since day one. And I finally said fuck it, I’m gonna make my own business. So while I’m here to look at apartments and shit, I’m also here to scout out business locations looking to rent out space.”

“Well shit, why didn’t you tell me before now?” he asked as they got in the front seat. “Moving’s expensive. Starting your own business is expensive. Living here is expensive. Doing all that shit at once? Geez, you a secret millionaire?”

“You’re not the only successful one, Cal. I make good money.”

“You know I don’t mean it like that. I just meant that you could’ve told me what was really going on. So that way I could’ve put you in contact with Andy and Sarah already, cuz they probably know some people who can help you out. Hell you can help them out by freelancing for them. They work too damn hard, they could definitely use the extra help. Plus you’re fuckin good at what you do. And I could’ve also told you that you don’t need to bother looking for a place cuz you could just stay with me.”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you, Cal. I wanna do this on my own.”

“I’m not saying you gotta live with me forever, Y/N. I’m just saying you can while you focus all your energy and resources on what really matters which is getting your business up and running. Plus, I know you’re gonna pick like the most cheapass, run-down studio apartment anyway because you’re gonna justify it by saying you’re just there to sleep anyway. So why spend any money on some shitty apartment when you can just stay at my nice, nonshitty house for free instead? I mean, you’re only there to sleep basically right?”

Y/N’s eyes narrowed. She hated that he knew her so well. “There’s no way you’re letting this go until I agree to move in with you, is there?”

“Not a one.”

“Fine. But only until I get my business off the ground. Once that’s up and running, I’m getting my own place.”

“A decent place,” Calum pushed.

“A decent place,” she agreed with an eye roll. “I’ll even splurge for an actual bedroom.”

“You got yourself a deal.”

“You got yourself a roommate.”

~~~

Michael couldn’t keep his eyes off Y/N. He knew he wasn’t supposed to stare. A.) Staring was rude, and he wasn’t a rude person. And B.) Calum was his best and longest friend, and Y/N was his cousin which made her inexplicably off-limits. But there was something so tempting about wanting someone you knew you couldn’t have. And it didn’t help matters that every time he caught himself looking her way, she was already watching him.

“I’m Michael,” he introduced stupidly when they both ended up in Calum’s kitchen by themselves. 

“I know,” she grinned. “We already did introductions, remember?”

His cheeks flushed pink, and one of his hands rubbed at the back of his neck. “Right. Yeah. H-how long did you say you’re staying with Cal for?”

“Well originally I was only gonna be here for a week while I sorted things out. But Cal’s… strong-willed about things. So I’m staying with him indefinitely while I get sorted instead.”

“Mmm, right. With your new business and everything. So you’ll be around quite a bit, huh?”

“Loads,” she nodded with a flirtatious smile. “And I’ll probably be lonely. I don’t really know anyone here besides Cal. His friends seem nice though. And one of them’s really cute.”

Michael breathed deeply, and even from the small distance between them she could feel his hot exhale on her skin. “We can’t,” he sighed in defeat.

“Says who?”

“Says like every bro code.”

“Are you saying you don’t want this as badly as I do?”

“Want it so bad,” Michael admitted, his voice a low whimper. His green eyes looked around. While nobody from outside was peering in, they were still in everyone’s line of sight if someone happened to glance their way. Which meant that they only had two options, neither of which led to what they really wanted which was to slink away from the party without raising suspicion. “But we can’t. Not now, anyway. Not here.”

“Right. I don’t want to make anything weird between you and Cal. Or between me and him. And we don’t even know what we are. Maybe this is just an infatuation that’ll run its course if we don’t play into it.”

“Maybe it’s not,” Michael countered. “God, I hope it’s not, cuz I really want to play into this.”

“Me too. God, I hope you’re right.”

“Hope he’s right about what?” Calum asked, as he came in through the sliding glass door. 

“Uh, my business!” she blurted. “Mike was just telling me that he thinks it’s gonna do really well here cuz I’ll be able to get more connections with your help and stuff.”

Calum hummed in response. “Mike’s right ya know. Like you already did the scary part of moving out here. The rest is just doing your job. Which you already know how to do, and you do it very well I might add.”

Michael let out the breath he’d been holding as Calum disappeared off to the bathroom. “Fuck, that was close. You think pretty good on your feet.”

Y/N chuckled nervously. “Thanks. God, he scared the shit out of me, and we weren’t even doing anything.”

“Backing out?” Michael asked with a twinge of a challenge to mask the underlying brace for rejection.

“We’re fucked if we get caught.”

“So fucked.”

“Guess we better not get caught then.”

Michael grinned.

~~~

She smirked at the message. A painful month of sneaking behind her cousin’s back, and she only wanted the man with wild trouble in those piercing green eyes more with each hidden touch. Needed him the same way Michael needed her. From the doorway, Calum wolf-whistled at the outfit lying on the bed: a slinky black dress with a slit in the thigh, and a matching black lace bra and panty set. “Going somewhere?” he questioned in amusement.

“Yes!” Y/N said with indignation. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

Calum chuckled, raising his hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. It’s good that you’re going out. You going out with friends, or a guy?”

“Friends,” she lied.

“That’s a hell of a dress for a girls’ night out,” he chuckled again. “You could tell me if it was a guy, ya know. We’re not little kids. I’m not gonna be shocked if you’re getting laid. Be a little worried if you weren’t in all honesty.”

She bit into her lower lip, wondering briefly if it was better to come clean now. Y/N decided on half-admittance. “Alright, it’s a guy. But we’re still in that figuring it out stage. Enjoying each other’s company.”

“Yeah, I bet you are,” Calum smirked.

“Shut up,” she laughed. “And get out so I can finish getting ready.”

“He picking you up?”

She shook her head. “No, we’re meeting up at the bar.”

“So, you’re driving?”

“Relax, spazz. I’m taking an Uber. No drinking and driving here.”

“Good. And hey, do me one small favor?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Go back to his place. Don’t bring him here. Rather spare myself the mental image.”

“I wouldn’t dream of bringing him here, you’re good.”

“Good, good. And hey, if he ends up not enjoying your time anymore A.) he’s an idiot, especially if you’re meeting him dressed in that. And B.) Call me, and I’ll come get ya. No matter the time.”

“Thanks, Cal. Now seriously leave.”

20 minutes after Michael asked to meet in 15 minutes, she was climbing into his car. “Geez, what took you so long?” he questioned, leaning across the seat to press a heated and bruising kiss to Y/N’s lips.

“Cal walked by when I was getting ready. You know for the quiet one, he really doesn’t ever shut up.”

“Shit, think he’s getting suspicious?”

“Nah. I mean I told him I was sort of seeing somebody. But I don’t think he thinks it’s you.”

“Sort of seeing somebody, huh?” Under a passing streetlight, she could see the corner of his lips pull up in a smirk. “You can call me your boyfriend if you want.”

“Oh, is that what you are?” she teased.

Michael chuckled. “I mean not to be heavy, but we’ve been seeing each other a while now. I think this is becoming something more than passing infatuation. I’m not seeing anyone else besides you. I don’t want to see anyone besides you. But if you don’t want to label this because of Cal or whatever, I can respect that.”

“No, no,” she said, softly, fingers tracing across the thick tattooed band on his arm. “I’d like that. Plus, might make telling Cal easier? So we can stop sneaking around? Not that I haven’t loved this. But, I’d really like to not act like we don’t know each other around company.”

His hand brought hers to his lips to stamp kisses over it as he pulled into his driveway. “We’ll tell him soon. Until then, I’m gonna enjoy keeping you to myself.” His gaze turned to take her in, his next breath catching in his throat. “Fuck… Did I tell you how stunning you look, yet? Or was I too busy griping about Cal holding you up like an ass?”

Her cheeks blushed. “Too busy griping. But that’s okay.”

“I think I can think of a way or two to make it up to you.”

“Oh, is that so? Do tell.”

“I think showing you might be more appropriate.”

She shuddered at his words. “Humor me anyway?”

“Let’s just say if my neighbors don’t know me already, they certainly will by tomorrow, because I am going to thoroughly enjoy familiarizing myself with every inch of your skin. And listening to how good my name sounds rolling off your tongue, and how good yours tastes on mine.”

How they managed to make their way inside the house was a mystery to them both as hands tangled in hair, and tongues explored mouths and the column of the other’s throat. Teeth nipped skin, as Y/N’s fell back onto the couch, and Michael marked a path down her body. “Pretty,” his voice taunted from underneath the skirt of her dress as he snapped the waistband of her panties, before pulling them down and off her legs, spitting the lace fabric out of his mouth.

“M-Mike,” she panted, her back arching, searching for him.

“Aw,” he taunted more, his face inches from hers. “You can do better than that. C’mon, I’m sure I got a few neighbors who don’t know who I am yet. Don’t you want to tell them my name, pretty girl?”

“Mike!” The repetition of his name was louder, the desperation in her voice stronger as her fingers wrapped around his wrist and guided him towards where she needed him.

As they surrendered themselves to each other, their names mingled together in the air like the most profanity-riddled melody, each of them certain that by the time daylight broke through the curtains, the neighborhood not only knew his name, but hers as well. 

~~~

Michael tiptoed around the clothes scattered on the floor as he made his way to the dresser, a wide smile plastered on his face. Their first bout that had shook the foundation of the house had led to them curled up on the couch, whispering the sweet promises of budding love against each other’s skin, before retiring to the bedroom. Which then led to a much slower love making of hot moans panted against heated skin, fingers intertwined, and locked gazes swirling with desire, love, lust, and passion. Afterwards exhaustion set in, and they fell asleep in a tangled web of limbs and bedsheets. 

He’d woken up, sure that this had all been a dream, but much to his delight, she was still sleeping soundly in his arms. And after waking her up, he was grabbing her some clothes to put on before joining her in the shower. Or he would have if someone wasn’t banging on his front door.

Confused, he made his way to the front of the house, pulling the front door open to find Ashton, Calum, and Luke on the other side. “See? I told you guys we should’ve waited until he responded,” Luke said with a shake of his head.

“Aw, who gives a shit?” Calum asked rhetorically, shouldering his way past a still confused Michael to get inside the house.

“Uh? What are you guys doing here?” Michael asked, stepping out of the way as Ashton and Luke followed Calum inside.

“Saturdays are for the boys, remember?” Ashton grinned.

“Yeah, but like… did we have actual plans? I- sorry… still waking up.”

“Long night?” Calum teased with a smirk.

“I’ll say,” Luke answered, blue eyes zeroed in on a pair of panties half-wedged between a couch cushion. “You got a girlfriend, Mikey?”

“Holy shit!” Ashton choked, giggling at the sight of Michael with his face frozen in terror. “Is she still here? Is that why you’re so jumpy, mate? Ya got your girlfriend hidden somewhere in your mini mansion?”

“I- What? Pffft, no!” Michael sputtered, grabbing the panties and balling them up in his fist, his green eyes looking wildly at Calum for any indication that his friend might be on to him.

Calum misinterpreted the look as a plea to step in on Michael’s defense. “Aw, leave him be guys. We should be celebrating that he’s finally getting back out there, not giving him shit for it. So when are we gonna meet the girl? When she comes back to claim her lost panties? Or should we leave to not embarrass the poor girl, and meet her some other time?”

“That,” Michael chimed in, “is a great idea, Cal. You guys should leave, because this is part of a matching set, so I’m sure she’ll be by the moment she realizes, and she’ll probably be embarrassed enough as is. So it might be best if you guys aren’t around when that happens. No offense.”

“Matching set?” Calum asked with a raised eyebrow and Michael gulped. “Damn, that girl knew what she was doing.”

The green-eyed blonde chuckled nervously. “Heh, yeah. She’s really cool. I like spending time with her. We’re still kinda figuring some stuff out, but I’ll be sure to bring her around s-”

“Hey, Mike? Have you seen my pa- oh fuck!”

“Y/N!” Calum thundered, jumping to his feet, while Ashton and Luke sucked in their breath and Michael and Y/N looked like a couple of deer trapped in headlights. “The guy you’re seeing is Mike?! You’re fucking my cousin?! And I’m finding this out now?! How long has this been happening?!”

“Maybe now’s not the time to ask questions,” Y/N hissed, trying to make herself as small as possible as she clutched the large towel around her like a lifeline.

“GET DRESSED!” Calum barked, his mind racing.

Michael and Y/N bolted to his bedroom, Ashton’s and Luke’s unrestrained laughter finally breaking free in the background while Calum screeched at them that “IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

“It’s a little funny,” was the barely audible response between wheezes and gasps for air.

Behind the closed door in the safety of the bedroom, Michael and Y/N shared a frantic look. “Well… that wasn’t the way I pictured that going in my head,” Y/N mumbled as she pulled the shirt Michael offered her on over her bra.

“Luke found your underwear,” he mumbled back, handing her the wadded up lace. “Sorry, I wrinkled it.”

“It’s fine,” she told him, stepping into them and then taking the offered gym shorts and stepping into those as well while he pulled on a pair of grey sweats over his boxers. “Hey,” she said softly, reaching up to cup his face and focus his frazzled mind on her. “We’re fine. Right?”

He gave her a small smile, relaxing at her touch. “We’re more than fine,” he nodded, kissing her forehead, each of her cheeks, her nose, and then finally her lips. “I still want you. And if Cal can’t deal with that… well… I…”

“Shh, don’t think about it. Cal’s not gonna care. Just gotta let the shock wear off, first.”

He nodded, his forehead resting against hers, green eyes searching for any kind of hope that they weren’t about to self-destruct; that if it really came down to it, they’d at least hesitate to choose Calum over the other. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek despite his best efforts at self control. “This is all my fault. I- I just need you to know that this wasn’t a fleeting moment of infatuation for me. That I-“

“Ssssshhhhh,” she soothed, her thumb rubbing across his cheekbone. “Don’t do this. Don’t say goodbye before we have to.”

They slowly crept their way back to the living room, finding Calum in full interrogation mode. “Did you two know?” he was asking Ashton and Luke, whose bodies were still shaking from barely controlled laughter.

“Hand to God, we didn’t know,” Ashton swore.

“Honest,” Luke agreed before both men sputtered into a new fit of giggles.

Calum’s eyes narrowed, not sure what to believe as he turned on his heel, coming face-to-face with Michael. “Did they know?” he demanded.

“No. Nobody knew,” Michael told him.

“So what? Are you embarrassed to be with her, or something? Are you embarrassed to be with him?” The brown eyes shifted back and forth between the couple.

“No,” it was Y/N’s turn to answer. “We just didn’t want to come to you guys with the news before we figured out what we were to each other first.”

“And what are you to each other?”

“We’re dating.”

“And how long has this been going on?”

“About a month.”

“So, the whole time? Great… You’re a real pal, Mike.”

“Oh, leave him alone,” Y/N defended. “Like you go blabbing to the world whenever you start to get to know someone? No. You wait until you’re sure it’s not just a fleeting moment. Gimme a break, Cal.”

“So… this is like… for real then? You actually like like each other, and shit?”

“We really do,” Michael nodded.

“I see… Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember what I told you last night about not bringing the guy you were seeing home because I’d rather not have that mental image?”

“Yeah. What about it? Change your mind?” she teased.

Calum gagged. “Fuckin’ God, no! If you’re gonna insist on fucking Mike, do it as far away from me as possible. Also if you want to move out sooner, totally fine with that.”

Michael blinked in confusion. “Wait? You’re cool with this? With us?”

Calum shrugged. “If you make each other happy, you make each other happy. Not my place to tell you who you can and can’t date. But,” Calum’s tone changed to be as menacing as possible as he glowered at Michael, “break her heart, and it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”

“What if she breaks mine?” Michael countered.

Calum laughed. “Then I’ll help you pick up the pieces, while secretly wondering what she ever saw in you because let’s face it, she’s too good for you.”

“I’d be more offended if you weren’t totally right.”

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