#how even the most cruel characters reduced me to tears

[roemantics]

suffering from ‘i am really deeply affected by this piece of media but i have no one to talk about it with and nobody in my circle wants to watch it’ syndrome

[suashii]

꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ 𝒮𝐸𝒳𝐼𝒩𝒢 𝒮𝐸𝒯𝒯𝐸𝑅𝒮 — the setters and their top kinks

info ⭑ includes: miya atsumu, oikawa toru, akaashi keiji, sugawara koushi, semi eita ﾉ f!reader, nsfw (minors do not interact) ﾉ degradation ﾉ impact play ﾉ daddy kink ﾉ dumbification ﾉ edging ﾉ body worship ﾉ praise kink ﾉ dacryphilia ﾉ virgin kink ﾉ corruption kink ﾉ all characters written 18+.  

₊˚ପ⊹ ATSUMU + DEGRADATION & IMPACT PLAY

he’d never call you such lewd, dirty names outside the bedroom, but he can’t ignore how each one goes straight to your pussy. his personal favorites are “whore” and “toy”. he never thought he’d find so much pleasure in bullying, humiliating, you. and he’ll never get over the way you tighten and flutter around his cock when his hand makes contact with your clit or ass. your surprised squeals are like music to his ears and the marks he leaves behind are always a pretty reminder of the night’s activities the next day.

“listen to you, whimpering like a whore when i slap your ass. i’m starting to think you like getting spanked. mm, maybe i should give you another one.”

₊˚ପ⊹ OIKAWA + DADDY KINK & DUMBIFICATION

he gets some sort of rush from hearing you call him daddy. maybe it’s the way you peer up at him through your lashes as you do so. or maybe it’s the blatant embarrassment that you try and fail to hide by biting your lip. can you blame him for wanting to see you completely fucked out? you’re just so pretty when your eyes are staring off at nothing, tongue lolling from between those soft lips. he can’t help the sense of pride that swells in his chest when you’re reduced to such a mess, and all because of him.

“you stopped talking, princess. did daddy really fuck you that hard? can’t even think straight while you’re taking this cock, huh?”

₊˚ପ⊹ AKAASHI + EDGING & BODY WORSHIP

his hands wander about your figure as his mouth travels down every inch of your skin, only ever stopping to tell you how gorgeous you are. you deserve the world and he’s set on giving it to you, even if his method seems slightly cruel. by now, he’s an expert at continuously getting you nearly to your climax and pulling you back just before you can reach it. he’s a patient man and is more than willing to spend all night in the bedroom if that means giving you the most earth shattering orgasm you could imagine.

“god, you look so beautiful like this. you want to come? don’t worry, you only have to wait a little longer, angel. i promise it’ll feel good.”

₊˚ପ⊹ SUGAWARA + PRAISE & DACRYPHILIA

you’re such a sweet thing for suga, always doing what you’re told and making the prettiest noises for him. why shouldn’t he let you know how much he adores you—how proud he is of you? the smile that graces your face and the sparkles in your irises at his approval are really all he could ask for. but a little part of him can’t help but get excited whenever he sees tears of pleasure pooling in your eyes, threatening to spill over your lash line. maybe he’s greedy; or maybe he just wants a reward of his own.

“you did so well for me, my good girl. and you look so pretty with tears streaming down your cheeks. should i clean them up for you?”

₊˚ପ⊹ SEMI + VIRGIN KINK & CORRUPTION

he has this unexplainable desire to take you—someone that was once pure and untouched—and make you his own, to ruin you as he pleases. of course, he’d never tell you so; where’s the fun in that? he’s fixed on watching the authentic experience of your first time. he wants to see how your face scrunches up in pain before it turns to pleasure. he wants to hear your breath catch in your throat before you’re moaning in ecstasy as your orgasm hits. he needs to be the one who gives you a taste of what you’ve been missing out on.

“is it everything you thought it would be? yeah? i never pegged you as the type who liked being used. guess i got lucky with you.”

hihi~ manz here :3 ! thank you for giving this a read! if you enjoyed, please consider reblogging and/or leaving a comment! much love from me to you ❤︎

[dragon-appreciator-fray]

Story Review - Sun Spoken Turn

I'm actually kind of an emotional mess right now from reading some of the latest chapters to this story.

Put this on the top of your reading list or just read it now.

This is the most beautiful story I have ever read and I can't believe I'm dating the writer.

I have just finished looping a few story threads from the very beginning. Chapter 89 is about as good a place as I can think of to sit down and write a review for any newcomers.

Sun Spoken Turn has delivered on everything that I have ever wanted in a sprawling fantasy story. I have always hoped a story with a transgender protagonist would come around to step into a well realized setting and find reasons to navigate the world's many traumas beyond their own. Despite everything, this story's protagonist decides to take on the burden of trying to make things a little better for everyone in a way that extends their own perspective to even the most insufferable and cruel. There are people in this setting who have used their power and sway to keep the world in the state it is in, who would rather burn people as more efficient fuel than wood to maintain the status quo.

And now that we're past that confrontation point, a little into Arc 3, this story is showing promise that it is only going to get better from here by looping itself and its themes in such wonderful ways.

Dear Prospective Readers,

I want to invite you into following the path that this story offers up. There is so much that I can show you, and so much more meaning that you will find and embrace than what has reduced me to a bumbling mess of tears wanting better for the characters who have sunk to the same depths as I.

But if were to be brief, the most glowing recommendation I can give you is this: A lot of what I adore about this narrative can be found in how this author handles heavy content that can eat characters and readers alive... without wasting anyone.

This story heavily features characters who need to figure themselves out. So when our protagonist starts out as an understandably fumbling little thing. I ask only that you understand that this is someone who has had their entire life planned out for them.

Our protagonist gets a little magical change as a shard of something old, bitter, and unpleasant gets the opportunity to read their life like a book before burrowing its way into their dreams. Within moments, this city has lost one more of its precious few breeding males.

Taken in by a chance meeting with a kind cast of some of the most endearing strangers to walk the paths between settlements, our protagonist has a lot to adapt to. And I really encourage you to be patient with her. Beyond her own traumas, there are histories, injustices, and misunderstandings of this world to uncover that stretch back an uncomfortable amount of time that will be peeled back in layers and constantly revisited with fresh perspectives.

But how we solve the problems we face now really matter.

They are going to snowball into how we treat others who we think will carry the same wounds but constantly surprise us with what this world has done to them. (For both good and ill. Gosh, there are as many heartwarming surprises as there are heartbreaking ones.)

So much of this story is learning out to take care of ourselves and each other despite encountering the unexpected. To give fairly spoiler free examples - surprise encounters with someone's family and the past constantly catching up to us. Sometimes it is the same past on multiple occasions. At some point you have to turn around and deal with it.

At other times it is important to get away, to have uncomfortable conversations with people you trust. But all of this serves to build a strong support structure for when you must confront people you can't trust and sometimes words just aren't enough. And then there are the rare moments. Moments where you can prove everyone wrong and say the right words to heal wounds that have festered for countless years.

There are also cute birds, crabs, and monsters that constantly remind me how much I adore how well this author uses every actor in its setting to deepen your appreciation for what it is like to live in this world. 

But I've gone on long enough.

You've your own path to walk from this point onward.

While I can't dictate where that path will take you, I can assure you that this is your life to live.

But if I could make one recommendation, I encourage you to allow this story's many lovely girls to sweep you off your feet.

Anyway here's an alternative link to another site. (If this review isn't gay enough for you, you can read the back and forth comments the author and I left each other on Royal Road deep into the night. At some point I took those comments to patreon, and a few months after that I just started whispering my feedback directly into the author's ear. When you get to Weight of Broken Promises, my comments moved to scribblehub... but that was such a cathartic moment for me to have inspired this author to push the themes of this story as hard and raw as they get.)

[icedicedbabeee]

Citizen Sleeper, and the art of caring.

Now that every single DLC episode has been released, Citizen Sleeper is...finished. Done. I genuinely believe that this game is incredible and everyone should play it.

I held off on giving my thoughts for a while. I didn’t want to give spoilers, after all. But I think that now that some time has passed, I can go fully into my spoiler thoughts on Citizen Sleeper.

With that being said: if you haven’t played this game. Go play it. Because I am about to ruin the entire games story.

Anyway. The last time I talked about this game, I talked about how it was about finding belonging in a place you don’t belong. And I still think this is very true! But I think I missed something.

Citizen Sleeper is a game about caring.

I want to be clear that you are given multiple opportunities to leave the eye. With Ankhita and Bliss, with Lem and Mina, without having to worry about everything. With all the different groups that cut and run when the flux event was hitting the eye.

Most players won’t ever see these endings. I know I won’t. I got the ending where despite all the people coming and going, I chose to stay on the eye. Because the Eye does not care about you.

It’s cruel. You live through Cycles of trying to survive, and helping people who never help you. The big question, is why?

It’s the same reason in my playthrough, I never left the eye. It’s because I cared for the people on the eye. And this is such an important detail, the game uses relationships and your care for other people.

Leaving with Ankhita and Bliss is the earliest possible ending, and many (if not all) of the other storylines won’t be resolved. You’ll leave behind the people who depend on you.

Lem and Mina’s ending is less about what’s best for you, and what’s best for them. Is it better for them to stay on the eye? Is it better for them to leave?

And the Gardener ending, oh gods the gardener ending. You lose your individual identity. Your ability to communicate, to think. It’s what you are seeking the entire game. An escape from your cruel existence, your life as an outsider.

And Riko is talking to your body, pleading for you to come back. To say anything.

Citizen Sleeper is so clever. It uses other people to get you to care. And you are the catalyst for others to start caring. I think this is best shown in Peake.

Peake and Eshe came from the Embers planets (Song, Step etc.). Their home was destroyed and they had to run. What’s the eye to them? A place that won’t take them on, won’t even give them resources?

The figurehead for staying is Peake. He’s shown to be meek and to mostly bend to Eshe’s choices. He’s shown to be her close friend and he’s shown to have left his home behind.

He is the one you spend most of the DLC with. Talking to him, understanding him. Making plans on how to save the eye. It is through you conversations with Peake that Peake begins to care about you.

Peake begins to care about the eye.

And it’s at this point where I realized the games message. The more you put into helping people and understanding them, the more you get out. Completing storylines nets you rewards.

Even Ethan’s storyline, a failure of major proportions to get Ethan to care, brings you safety on the eye. It’s because you put in the time, you built the attachment to these characters.

You built this attachment to the eye.

Citizen Sleeper is one of the most emotional, narratively compelling games I’ve played. It reduced me to tears, it made me laugh. It made me despair. It made me love these characters, this setting.

Above all else, it made me care.

[siover]

Talk to me about autistic Shiv bestie

im so terribly self indulgent when it comes to autistic shiv but just in the way of prattling.. to me (one of) the core tenets of shiv's character is that she is necessarily fundamentally alienated from emotional sincerity and honesty and this in part comes from 1) the very hostile sexist environment she was raised in that insisted on reducing her to a trophy, logan's trophy, at a very young age 2) logan's involvement 3) caroline's lack thereof, despite shiv's repeated attempts to connect with her into adulthood and 4) her only path to success (read: survival) being to prove them all wrong.

so she constantly plays a part all through s1--the part of the distinguished professional who just happens to be the daughter of Logan Roy--as well as s2 and s3--but this time the prodigal daughter returning to emblazon a new path beyond her father's footsteps--in a way that she becomes what she Wants. not in that she achieves her goals, but in that she grows to define herself and her relationships by how well they fit into the persona of whom it would most benefit her to become, if that makes sense.

and tom is such a key part of this--the secret sauce, even, if you will. i don't even think she realizes just how much she grows to genuinely love him and depend on him until the beach scene in s2--it's so easy to read her response to him asking "is this real" before their wedding as cruel but to her it's genuinely baffling, because the validity and significance of that as a factor that has never occurred to her. like maybe this is projection dialed up to a 110 but i do think shiv assumed tom knew it was more about being A Couple than about love, if that makes sense. (which is probably why autistic shiv is so closely tied to lesbian shiv in my head--it's about choosing the assigned roles so you can pretend you had agency in conforming, that it works for you because you let it, it's about faking and masking to make it in a space that's inherently hostile to you and your needs and after being forced to playact at "normalcy" for so long you've lost sight of if there's ever a real person waiting underneath or if you're just an onion all the way down. anyway!)

also shiv's relationship with perceiving and being perceived--how she offers to share her struggles with marcia if marcia can reciprocate, the few bathroom scenes she has scarcely involving mirrors--is SO interesting to me. she uses perception as a weapon and is hyperaware of how the same can be done to her..something something the rejection of being Seen and hence being Loved at the cost of a shot at being respected!! when sarah snook said shiv is uncomfortable with vulnerability and flexibility bc she isnt secure in herself!! the invisible and visible barriers of being a girl and knowing you don't fit in the boxes you should + the invisible and visible barriers of being a woman and having to figure out the boxes or risk ridicule

this is getting SO long and increasingly incoherent but i couldnt end without adding autistic shiv makes even more sense in the context of autistic kendall. for one thing, the mirrors--shiv desperately rejecting a parental figure and being the only person she needs while kendall desperately needing to feel, well, needed--but also kendall is everything shiv has learned not to be and his failure to mask is an integral part of that! it's not a coincidence that logan asks shiv for affirmation when rava says iverson needs time to adjust before he comes to dinner, and the unsaid relief of "at least it wasn't me," when logan tears kendall down for things shiv contends with herself only grows louder each time imo

[k-s-morgan]

Hi! I've been in the Hannibal fandom for two years now. Rewatched the show many times and yet Will Graham still confuses me like no one else. Hannibal's design is complex but somewhat understandable after watching the show again again. But Will's design is like a loophole. He can empathise with the killers. That means he can understand them. If he can understand them then why does it feel good for him to kill them? How does it work for him exactly. Does he feel for the killers? If he felt for the killers then what about his violent tendencies towards them?

I've always thought that he is like a God. A God of the killers. The killers offer him their design and he takes sacrifice in return of understanding. But how does his psyche work exactly?

Hello! Oh yes, Will is a very confusing character - it’s his defining trait, and I think that’s because he lies to himself, to others, and to us as an audience. He wants one thing, wants to want another thing, does the third thing, and making sense of it is a complex process.

I think Will’s empathy is a big red herring. I agree with Freddie here: he understands killers because he’s one. He has an almost supernatural gift that helps him recreate the situations almost exactly as they happened. He understands what motivates killers, he might sympathize with them, but I think he might also envy them their freedom to be what they are. They are a reminder of what he is and what he can’t allow himself to have. But most importantly, they are a way for Will to find a compromise with himself and feel better about his true self. Killing bad people is an excuse to justify his darkness, but I don’t think it’s a part of his design per se. 

I agree with you that Will is like a God - he and Hannibal both are. That’s one of the things that separates them from others and elevates them above everyone else. Let’s make an overview of Will’s victims.

1) Hobbs. Hobbs was a monster and Will killed him. But it wasn’t about justice and righteousness, not according to him. Killing a person and feeling pleased that you saved someone versus liking the act of killing itself are drastically different things. Many police officers have to kill in their line of duty. Very few of them get off on the act of murder. Those who do are killers, and they are especially dangerous if they immediately try to follow it up with another murder. Will never once says he liked killing Hobbs because he made this world better. When asked, he says that he felt a sense of power. This is a motivation of many actual serial killers. If Will was just glad that he saved Abigail, he would know it's normal. He wouldn't have been almost on the verge of a break-down and haunted by Hobbs. So it’s not about helping others, it's about murder, even if the victim was a monster.

2) Stammets. Will had no reason to try to kill him (which he admits to doing). Based on his and Hannibal’s talk, he understands that he just wanted to feel what he felt after killing Hobbs, and this makes him panic. So again, no someone. He’s chasing the high of killing someone, and Stammets is the most appropriate victim. 

3) Ingram. On the surface, it looks like Will wanted to avenge Peter and himself by proxy, hence pulling the trigger on Ingram. However, after Hannibal manages to stop him, days later, Will complains about losing a chance to feel how he felt when killing Hobbs. Murder high is his main motivation again - everything else is background or an excuse, depending on your reading.    

4) Randall. Will threw away the gun on purpose to make the murder more intimate. This is not about justice and this is not about protecting himself because by doing this, he reduced his chances. Will also beat Randall up until he wasn't moving. There was no reason to snap his neck. Mutilation, cannibalism that followed, keeping his suit, admitting he enjoyed the murder and calling it his design - this is about murder and WIll’s love for it primarily. The design part is especially important: based on it, we can conclude that Will loves a performance just like Hannibal.  

4) Chiyoh and her prisoner who Will set up. Chiyoh was innocent and didn't deserve to die. Her prisoner might not have been guilty - in fact, Will was the one to suggest that, and yet Will still set him up. It was a game and he was an observer - he lied in waiting for Chiyoh’s scream. He then turned the body of a losing party into art. Very creepy and very like Hannibal.

5) Chilton. Will clearly explained his motivation: he wanted Chilton to pay just because he wanted to be famous and messed with Hannibal by writing his ridiculous book. Will showed no remorse and admitted he did it on purpose.

6) Police officers he set up to be killed by cooperating with Francis. The ones he stepped over without a second look. They were innocent and they were a collateral damage. Will is a cruel God who doesn’t bother with mere mortals as long as it fits his purpose. In this case, his purpose was freeing Hannibal. Everything else was still a blur in his mind. 

7) Francis. Enjoyed the murder, admired the blood, called the situation beautiful.

8) Bedelia. She's innocent in comparison to Will and his body count. If Will faced no repercussions and continued getting more and more people killed, she had every right to go free. But God doesn’t have to be fair, and Will proves it by targeting her. 

What does it all say about Will’s design and philosophy? Apart from Godlike attributes and indifference toward collateral damage, I think Will is led by his bloodlust - he just tends to control it and direct it at specific targets. 

Will might prefer to kill “bad people” in the first two seasons, but it’s the process of murder that excites him. So I see his righteous choices as a preference that helps him justify his dark nature partly, not the core reason for his violence. Hannibal seems to be moved by his interest in human nature and his hunter instinct, but Will, I think, is a truer killer because he actually feels drunk on murder. Unlike Hannibal, he looks downright euphoric when/after he kills Randall and Francis. In TWOTL, Hannibal is more focused on the fact that his dream came true and he and Will killed someone together, but Will seems primarily caught up in the murder after-shocks themselves. Hannibal thinks about Will, Will thinks about how beautiful blood looks under the moonlight.

So, post Fall, I believe that at first, Will will stick to killing bad people like murderers, but once some times passes, his need for justifications will fade. He’ll move on to rude people, only his rude will differ from Hannibal’s. Hannibal doesn’t differentiate between genders and ages, but I think Will will. He’s interested in a feeling of power, like he himself says, in a sense of dominance, so he’ll look forward to a fight. He won’t be interested in attacking a teenager like Cassie, for instance, because the power imbalance is too prominent. But as soon as someone more equal does something Will heavily dislikes, something that wakes his bloodlust (a personal insult, physical or verbal abuse toward other people/animals, etc.), he’ll attack. He’ll be careful - he knows how to avoid being caught, but it will still be unpredictable and passionate. Will is a storm to Hannibal’s calm.

Then there is unpredictability. Hannibal tends to plan everything methodically. The only times we see him being impulsive is in Europe, where he’s descending into self-destructive mode, so it’s not a norm for him. For Will, though? Will consists of unpredictability, and Hannibal is fascinated by it.I think Will is going to kill when an impulse strikes. For example, he might go shopping, without having any dark plans, and end up murdering someone because the circumstances pushed some unfortunate soul onto his path. Will might or might not display the body depending on his mood. Today he can be in an artistic mood, but tomorrow he’ll be in a violent and impatient one, wanting to destroy the body entirely and leaving a total mess behind.

How Will would prefer to kill? In my opinion, in an intimate way. It doesn’t mean he’ll be weaponless, but something like a knife would fit his tastes well. He’d be able to feel it plunge into his victim’s body, tearing through skin and muscles, etc. - personal and intimate. Akin to what he did with Francis - his feral half-snarl, the way he paused after stabbing him before opening him up - it was dark and mesmerizing. Will might get into strangling, too, because it takes a lot of time and it is even more intimate. It might end up being his favorite. So, I can see him using his hands or small weapons to fully sense what he’s doing to a victim. This is something that he has in common with Hannibal because from what we saw, Hannibal also enjoys more intimate and prolonged murders that give him a glimpse into a person’s pain and struggle for life.

[corpsekiller]

𝐜𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐠 — 𝐬.𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐰𝐚

𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦. shouta aizawa x genderneutral!reader

𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲. fluff, mentions of violence and scars

𝖲𝖸𝖭𝖮𝖯𝖲𝖨𝖲. after you took some time to braid your boyfriend's messy hair, aizawa and you take a nap in his iconic yellow sleeping bag.

𝖠𝖴𝖳𝖧𝖮𝖱'𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳𝖤. another drabble i’ve finished surprisingly fast! honestly, aizawa just owns my heart and since most of my fics are super fluffy and gentle, i just couldn’t help myself and made this one sweet and soft as well. aince my drafts are overflowing with ideas for a bunch of characters, i can assure you that more for boku no hero academia is on its way, it just takes some time.

𝖫𝖤𝖭𝖦𝖳𝖧. 982 words

MASTERLIST

“Hey, baby.” Your soft lips trace over the scar under his eyes, carved into the delicate skin of his handsome face as a reminder of what could have happened if All Might came too late, if he would have fought for a second longer to keep his students safe from the cruel attacks of the villains who decided to invade the USJ and tear it down to desolation, set ablaze in searing flames. And although you’ve never said it out loud, you both know, he was willing to give his life in that exact moment.

The thought of losing him haunts your nights, follows you like a bloodhound into the early morning hours, and only disappears at the sound of his heart beating steadily beneath the tips of your fingers.

Stirring slightly under your ghosting touch, Aizawa grumbles a few words of protest before his eyes flutter open to meet yours. There are dark shadows on his face, eyes reddened with exhaustion, though you never fail to miss the soft smile that seems to pull at the corners of his mouth whenever his gaze lands on you. No matter how many times he's already woken up to your gentle hands and loving kisses, it leaves him breathless, absolutely amazed that something as beautiful and angelic as you belong to him.

Just as he belongs to you.

The palms of your hands cup his cheeks, fingertips feeling the stubble littering his skin as you trace over his jaw and lean forward to press a kiss to his chapped lips. “Let me braid your hair, honey... Please?”

Shouta groans quietly when you gently nudge his body tucked away in his comfy sleeping bag, struggling to sit up and open his cocoon so you can reach his messy hair. He just can't say no to you and you silently enjoy the power you have over him — it only takes you a pout, innocently batting your eyelashes at him and your boyfriend is already handing you the world.

You run your fingers through his messy hair with care, proceeding to detangle each strand and brush out every knot, occasionally scraping your nails over his scalp until his eyes flutter close with a pleased sigh that nearly sounds like a purr.

“How was your day, love?” His voice is gravelly low, words a little jumbled from his slumber and while he looks like he might fall asleep again any second, you know, he’s still paying close attention to you.

“It was fine, nothing interesting happened at work. How was school?” He groans at your question and sinks even further into his sleeping bag as if he wants to disappear completely from this world at the mere thought of his chaotic class. That’s answer enough and so, you only giggle quietly and chastely kiss his temple. Parting his hair into three strands, you begin to braid, cleverly weaving and curling your fingers through each wisp of dark hair.

“Just a minute longer, honey, then we can take another nap,” you mumble soothingly as he tries to stifle a yawn, drowsily nodding at your statement before leaning back against your body to relish in the tenderness of your touch. Your heart thunders in your chest at his movements and although you’ve been together for years now, he still manages to reduce you to a blushing mess — even when he’s barely awake.

Some might find his constant fatigue burdensome and irritating, but it never bothered you. Understanding him and his intentions to try and make the world a safer place is a part of your relationship and although it seems as if he can never offer time to spend with you between teaching and patrolling in the late hours of many nights, he makes up for it through little things nevertheless.

It isn’t like you didn’t know who he was when you started dating and truly, Aizawa would never neglect you. His love for you comes through his apologies, muttered into your chest after a rough day, little gifts, and regular date nights he rarely misses.

It’s cooking together at 2 in the morning and it’s him pulling you into his lap while he’s grading papers, kisses pressed to your shoulder blades right before he gets up to get to work, and honestly? You couldn’t wish for more. As long as he comes home to you in one piece, you’re the happiest woman on earth.

After you’ve finished intertwining each strand, you wrap a hair tie around the ends of his hair and pat his head to signal that you’re done. “There we go.”

You skid to the side and watch him fall back with a thud, clever fingers fiddling with the metallic zipper of his sleeping bag without another word, opening it just for you to slip in. Carefully, you climb over his legs to slide inside, accidentally elbowing him in the process and apologizing with a chuckle, when he gives you a playful glare.

Finally, you’re wedged against his firm body. Even though it’s quite tight and you can feel every inch of him melting into your skin, it’s comfortable and warm and you swear, you never want to leave again.

No wonder he carries that thing wherever he goes. A few strands of his hair that must have fallen out of the braid tickles your temple and you scrunch your nose with a grin, humming contently at the feeling of his hands curling around your stomach to pull you even closer to him if that’s still possible in the cocoon of his sleeping bag.

“Shouta?” You quip after a few moments of sleepy tranquility, opening your eyes to catch a glimpse of his face when you’re met with silence. He’s already asleep, but his arms tighten around your waist and he nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck at the sound of your voice, snoring softly against your skin. “I love you.”

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 112 & 113 (part 2)

I hate that this chapter is cut... mainly cuz it deals with the most “ horribly presented” theme in furuba anime.... grief.

-The shame of grieving: “ Rarely discussed theme in Literature”:

When a love one dies... ppl differ in how they deal with it. Some cry their hearts out, some become depressed & painfully lonely, others get angry or cynical, some might deny it, some move on quickly, others move on but years after the realization crushes them, others stay still... Above all, you feel ashamed of yourself if you didn’t move on or if you DID move on.. “ Sometimes ppl around you judge you for it... for your grief”

The later is the theme of these two chapters. Rarely discussed themes & it saddens me that it is cut. You see, Furuba anime doesn’t get grief  at all. To them, it’s a small part of the generic protagonist after she finishes her job of nurturing the real main protagonist. Mothers are strong, they help us cross the bridge between childhood & adulthood. Tohru, the show’s mom, did it so thoroughly & in slow visual & narrative details for yuki. Afterwards, the anime brushed whatever is left of her character, which the anime viewed as sheer suspenseful drama, & collected it thro 3rd person story-telling techniques in one ep “ se3, ep6″ & excessive monologue for 10 minutes in se3, ep9.

In this chapter, Kakeru, a side character, sheds light into this theme. Kakeru didn’t lose a parent by death, didn’t grieve, has no dependent familial bonds with either dead parents “ kyoko & komaki’s dad”. Yet, kakeru stood & judged tohru on how she “ should” grieve. Harshly tearing her down while she’s standing there lonely, trying to hide her shock at the loss of her only pillar in life, broken & traumatized, dealing with the pushed down traumatic feelings from her past where her mom abandoned her as a child..now her mom did it again, this time thro death.. & kakeru, rightfully not knowing all that, but wrongfully lecturing her on how to behave... kakeru isn’t a monster, but he only saw what he wanted: komaki & how the world should grieve with his lover, how he should be the hero protecting her. So self-centered, insensitive, horribly cruel & unbelievably conceited, but above all... what he did is so sadly common... it hurts.

-Judging Grieving People:

As I said many times.. grief is so personal, so unique to the person & as common as it is, so misunderstood. According to kakeru & many ppl I’ve sopken to lately, tohru should have acknowledged komaki. Komaki, the not-traumatized version of tohru, did the right “ tohru-like” thing. Not only felt sadness at the loss of her own dad, but found it in her heart to visit the other orphan, tohru, & give condolences & respect to the dead mother. Such kindness & purity. Very deserving of applaud: To not only see your pain but others’ as well. Tohru has always done the “ right, kind” thing to other ppl. When she can’t now, the author brought another “ tohru” to do the “ right, kind” thing.

Kakeru is so many ppl. During my brother’s funeral. I’ve heard so many gossip on how my mom should’ve stood tall & greeted the visitors.” Being silent , emotionless & non-responsive is not how you show visitors you value their kind words”, they said. How his widow should’ve collected herself & acted properly, respected his memory by taking proper care of herself & her kids. “Being a broken mess is not how you “ honor” loved one”, they said. Kakeru is indeed many ppl & that’s how you discuss a theme by creating characters who sin, screw up & be cruel, even if momentarily.

Kakeru is wrong. There is no “ you should have” in grief. There is no ounce of truth in his demeaning lecture to tohru & I respect komaki for her reaction to him so much. Kakeru did learn & grew from it, apologized to tohru even if he didn’t actually sought her to do so & even if she herself started the apology. But you see, these two chapters are 90% focused on kakeru as a character, his growth, thoughts, the mini focus on his relationship with komaki as an example of healthy relationship & all that is another lesson for yuki to observe & learn. He learned abt tohru’s past, kakeru’s personality & growth & got to observe another example of romantic relationship so yuki can grow as a man & approach machi healthily. But then again... nothing at all stops yuki/machi from being healthy, no past issues, no contradicting personalities “ they’re quite similar” & yuki is the only furuba character that doesn’t screw up big. He learns & teaches. He’s the personification of the author.

-Tohru.. stays a “ tohru”:

Tohru’s part is 10% of the this chapter which is fine as I think/hope it will lead into more tohru depth in the following chapters. But It is for this reason I’m glad this chapter was cut in the 13 eps season of furuba anime, cuz tohru doesnt have much depth in the anime due to the quick wrap up & the la~~~~st  thing I want is another 3rd person story-telling flashback abt tohru in the anime. Honestly, one of the most frustrating aspect to me of the anime & I’ll hold judgement abt manga- tohru till I reach its end. So far~~~ Tohru’s depth & character exploration gets better one chapter, then regress the next one, then moves on, the... it’s a fluctuating process. It has nothing to do with tohtu’s feelings.

you’ see ... kyo himself as a character with issues fluctuates a lot, he does sth good, then does sth bad, chooses right words, then makes a horrible mistake & chooses wrong! which is one of the most well-done aspects of character exploration that is rarely attempted by authors! I highly respect Takaya-san for what she’s doing with kyo in the manga so far. Other authors show us a character doing one big mistake & then he/she learns from it in a dramatic way. But Takaya-san, nope! she decided to approach it in a very human way, making us be frustrated with kyo’s repeated mistakes yet understands where he’s coming from! kudos to her!!

But I’m not yet satisfied with how tohru is portrayed in the manga & this has nothing to do with tohru’s character. Takaya-san is discussing rare themes thro tohru’s character. But what I mean is how tohru is approached thro the viewers/readers eyes. I wont judge until the last chapter. but this is the part that is frustrating to me.

Side Notes:

The flow of the 2 chapters is little off. We go back & forth between the past & the present, between yuki-machi & komaki-kakeru. Again, I’m so glad the anime cut it cuz, nope! they can’t handle such narrative. they’ll reorder it in a such heavily monologing way & insert the comedy abruptly to lighten the mood. Just look at how the comedy is inserted in momiji’s se03 ep!

Komaki is such a tohru with a sprinkle of kagura’s very softened outbursts. lol. she’s fun!

I’m liking yuki-machi interactions a lot. no drama, which is why the anime cut it -_-’, but it progresses healthily. Machi is yuki’s third-stage growth after (1) leaving tohru’s nest (baby yuki), (b) making friends with kakeru/someone who gets him (young boy yuki), (3) finding romantic love (being a man). The anime was so interested in the 2 stages above cuz that’s where the drama is & cut the third. Honestly, the anime didn’t have to include everything as there is never a space in 13 eps, but they certainly could’ve squeezed few panels or even made brand new very short yuki-machi scenes. but the anime weirdly decided after yuki “ saved” machi from her trauma by talking with her in her apartment, he should just marry her.... lol.. that’s why next scene is ep 5 momiji’s ep intro montage where yuki was abt to confess!!! making yuki-machi the least developed couple in the anime!

I love all furuba’s characters, but yuki, tohru, kyo & akito carry the big themes, therefore, I not only analyze their characters, but how the themes are presented thro them & how their presentation affects such themes. This might make it sound as I hate them or am harsh on them. not at all. It is the anime director/ manga author that I’m positively or negatively criticizing most times. Most importantly, my criticism is not the law. It’s just my perspective & my consumption of the material. Feel free to differ with me. I dont mind it. It brings interesting discussions!

When it comes to tohru’s issues... his chapter introduced nothing new. We have seen/read in canon repeatedly that tohru hides her pain behind a smile (heck! even kisa knows that & told us), that she cant stand up for herself much, that she smiles for other ppl not for herself. All this was presented thro so many characters already, which is why I understand the anime’s decision to cut it. What’s new? that yuki didn know tohru’s smile is mostly a mask & that kakleru has depth.

I love this chapter for the grieving themes it discussed that are rarely touched upon in literature, but since such themes are rarely presented, the anime’s decision to cut it, ironically proves my point! lol . They don’t get grief & so, they reduced it to se03 content & two eps worth. sad.. but expected. The anime is indeed another form of “past” kakeru: seeing one side of grieving person. The happy side.

[starksinthenorth]

Musings on ASOIAF Ladies and Ambition

I’ve noticed people use “ambition” to describe Sansa and Daenerys as if it’s a bad word or an insult (often called “power hungry”). Yet in the text of the series, neither of them are shown to be ambitious people as a core characteristic. I blame the series for a lot of this, because it failed to explore the internal dialogue of Sansa, Arya, and even Cersei, who ends up more humanized than either of them by the end (because of the maybe baby).

Cersei Lannister is the classic ambitious ASOIAF lady, whose point-of-view is introduced in perhaps the most iconic sentence of any introductory chapter:

She dreamt she sat the Iron Throne, high above them all.

I can’t think of a sentence in ASOIAF that better introduces the internal thoughts and view of its leading character.

In comparison, Sansa’s first sentence is receiving news about her father’s whereabouts, Daenerys is shown her new dress to meet Drogo, and Arya has crooked stitches again. Arya’s works to frame her relationship with Sansa and her internal struggle to fit the feminine Westerosi mold, while Sansa and Daenerys are setting up plot points. None of these interactions signal ambition, bad or good. Daenerys did not arrange her wedding, Sansa is just told the information by her Septa, and while Arya is aspiring to have straight stitches, that’s hardly an ambitious goal for a girl of nine.

Fans rarely, if ever, deny Cersei’s cruel, cold, often stupid ambition. In fact, it’s one of the reason people seem to love her. She’s internally open about what she wants - power - and when she wants it - now:

All of them are burning now, she told herself, savoring the thought. They are dead and burning, every one, with all their plots and schemes and betrayals. It is my day now. It is my castle and my kingdom.

- AFFC, Cersei III

The rule was hers; Cersei did not mean to give it up until Tommen came of age. I waited, so can he. I waited half my life. She had played the dutiful daughter, the blushing bride, the pliant wife. She had suffered . . . She had contended with Jon Arryn, Ned Stark, and her vile, treacherous, murderous dwarf brother, all the while promising herself that one day it would be her turn. If Margaery Tyrell thinks to cheat me of my hour in the sun, she had bloody well think again.

- AFFC, Cersei V

Cersei is the definition of a power hungry lady, scheming and cheating at every point. Yes, Sansa learned from her, but most of Sansa’s internalized lessons of Cersei’s were to do the exact opposite. 

"The night's first traitors," the queen [Cersei] said, "but not the last, I fear. . . . Another lesson you should learn, if you hope to sit beside my son. . . . The only way to keep your people loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy."

"I will remember, Your Grace," said Sansa, though she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people's loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me.

- ACOK, Sansa VI

Cersei isn’t the only POV character who views herself outside of conventional Westerosi standards and aspires to something beyond being a wife and mother. Arya Stark has ambition writ clear on the page, though it is not so cold or denying other people their rights or chances. Compared to Cersei, Arya doesn’t want everything, crown and throne and kingdom and all. She just wants something, and even that is denied to highborn women in Westeros. Even when she asks her father about her future, a man who wants to do right by his children and loves them, Eddard Stark is blinded by Westerosi patriarchy:

Arya cocked her head to one side. "Can I be a king's councillor and build castles and become the High Septon?"

"You," Ned said, kissing her lightly on the brow, "will marry a king and rule his castle, and your sons will be knights and princes and lords and, yes, perhaps even a High Septon."

- AGOT, Eddard V

With Arya in this, I see some parallels to Elaena Targaryen, who was so good at math and management she served as the secret Master of Coin while her husband carried the title. Elaena was “more willful than Rhaena, but not as beautiful as either of her sisters,” yet is also said to have been “more beautiful at age seventy than at age seventeen,” growing into herself like Arya is expected to. They both even cut their hair, Arya to hide her gender and Elaena to hide her beauty, both instances to gain freedom from captivity in the Red Keep.

Despite both these examples of ambition - Cersei’s all-encompassing, without care for how it affects the realm, and Arya’s attempt to find a place in the world outside the Westerosi model - it still becomes an insult when people speak of Daenerys and Sansa.

Critics claim Sansa is ambitious, and negatively so, because she “wants to be queen.” But this criticism misses a vital point of Sansa’s character. Unlike Cersei, she does not want to be queen because of the power and political influence, but because she will be living a song. In the start, Sansa’s got her head in the clouds, not to the dirty world of politics. Her very first chapter lays out this motivation incredibly clearly:

All she wanted was for things to be nice and pretty, the way they were in the songs.

When she thinks of Joffrey and being in love with him, it’s because he’s “handsome and gallant as any prince in the songs” (AGOT, Sansa II), 

Alternatively, it has been said that Sansa is ambitious because of her claim to Winterfell. But compare how Sansa thinks of her claim to how Big Walder Frey does. Despite being far down the inheritance line, he is certain he will someday possess the Twins. He’s likely willing to kill his family to become Lord of the Crossing, and already has killed Little Walder.

In comparison, Sansa isn’t the one who realizes her claim as heir to Winterfell, even after her two younger brothers are believed dead. It’s Dontos who mentions it, and after she still thinks that Robb will have sons to inherit.

But she had not forgotten his words, either. The heir to Winterfell, she would think as she lay abed at night. It's your claim they mean to wed. Sansa had grown up with three brothers. She never thought to have a claim, but with Bran and Rickon dead . . . It doesn't matter, there's still Robb, he's a man grown now, and soon he'll wed and have a son. Anyway, Willas Tyrell will have Highgarden, what would he want with Winterfell?

- ASOS, Sansa II

Sansa’s not ready to kill Bran and Rickon if they show up. Her arc is about taking off the rose-tinted glasses and seeing reality, but also working to make reality like a song. For example, her idea of the Tournament of the Winged Knights for Sweetrobin. It’s a song come to life, all by her making. TBD how the ending goes, of course, but it shows that trajectory.

And finally, Daenerys.

Daenerys is not driven by some lifelong desire to win and dominate. She’s forced into it, a la Brienne’s “no chance and no choice.” If Daenerys were raised in a stable environment, I have a feeling she’d be much more like Sansa: dreamy, hopeful, sweet and studious. Happy.

But instead, her eyes are open.

When she’s introduced as a character, she shows an awareness for the schemes and politics of the world. She knows her brother is called the Beggar King in the Free Cities, and is doubtful of the smallfolk’s secret toasts to Viserys III that Illyrio Mopatis claims happen across Westeros.

Like Sansa and Cersei, there’s evidence of her goals, hopes, and wishes in the very first chapter:

"I don't want to be his queen," she heard herself say in a small, thin voice. "Please, please, Viserys, I don't want to, I want to go home."

. . .

Dany had only meant their rooms in Illyrio's estate, no true home surely, though all they had, but her brother did not want to hear that. There was no home there for him. Even the big house with the red door had not been home for him.

Daenerys remembers home as the house with the red door in Braavos. It’s her brother whose only home and stability was the Red Keep, not her.

Throughout her journey of power to take back the Seven Kingdoms, she is doubtful at every turn and most of her wishes are for happiness, for peace, for stability.

Dany had no wish to reduce King's Landing to a blackened ruin full of unquiet ghosts. She had supped enough on tears. I want to make my kingdom beautiful, to fill it with fat men and pretty maids and laughing children. I want my people to smile when they see me ride by, the way Viserys said they smiled for my father.

- ACOK, Daenerys II

A queen I am, but my throne is made of burned bones, and it rests on quicksand. Without dragons, how could she hope to hold Meereen, much less win back Westeros?

- ADWD, Daenerys II

Even later, Daenerys is determined to bring peace to the lands she currently rules. She does plan to return to the Seven Kingdoms, but it’s not driven by pure ambition. And this is, notably, from a conversation when Prince Quentyn Nymeros Martell asks her to come back and claim them now, saying she has allies for that conquest. And still she turns him down, with promises that it will only happen eventually:

"Daenerys said. ". . . .One day I shall return to Westeros to claim my father's throne, and look to Dorne for help. But on this day the Yunkai'i have my city ringed in steel. I may die before I see my Seven Kingdoms. Hizdahr may die. Westeros may be swallowed by the waves."

- ADWD, Daenerys VII

And yet in both Sansa and Daenerys, these visions and hopes for the futures they might have are considered unbridled ambition, although they turn more on happiness and peace for themselves and their people, rather than the type of ambition Cersei has, which is clearly her own power and being heralded above everyone.

Daenerys’ thoughts in her sixth chapter of ADWD have the same energy as Sansa’s “I will make them love me.”:

"A queen must know the sufferings of her people."

. . .

A queen must listen to her people, Dany reminded herself. 

Daenerys has figured out how to make her people love her, by wearing her “floppy ears” and appealing to the masses, listening to them, et cetera. She’s also a bit ahead of Sansa in the realm of ruling, to be sure.

But how are these similar thoughts ambition in either of them? It’s an attempt to empathize and connect, not to throw away and disregard and rule by force and domination. Both these ladies are more nuanced, and the fandom does them a disservice by painting them as ambitious or power-hungry when at the end for both of them, it’s a desire to have a happy, stable, loving life.

[barbenheimer-core]

AUDERE EST FACERE !

하나. chanel : part four — 3k words

Wangja crossed the street with a bag of two steaming bowls of ramyeon and red ginseng, speeding up his pace to prevent the noodles from getting too soggy while he walked the path over to his shop where he had left Ahyeong at, sighing as he thought about the new addition to the cast.

When he had walked into his store last night, he was not expecting a stage to commence immediately upon entering the lounge.

Thank the writer (this was the first and last time he was going to say that) that their conversation and actions had already been written out, or else the shop owner would've been gawking at the new girl for the entirety of the stage.

He had been immensely startled back then; it was unusual for him to not know the timing and plot of every stage because he always made sure to check the comic that permanently resided in a small, hidden corner of his shop every single day.

But when he had browsed the comic as soon as Ahyeong had left, he had been bewildered at the sudden shift in the book's contents.

The cast page had been altered to feature four main characters instead of the original trio, and as he had turned the pages, he had noticed the new stages being inked with interactions that had never been present as of before.

To think that an already complicated web of troubling relationships had not been enough for the writer, they had proceeded to add a love square to the mix.

Wangja grimaced at his creator's choices in life. They had definitely been influenced by someone to do so if it had been so last minute.

But one thing was for sure; out of all the stories that the writer had put him in, this was by far the most interesting.

"Ahyeong-ah! I'm back!" he yelled into the air as he stepped in, his voice echoing in the shop.

The silence was his only response.

Confused, he stepped through the streamers that decorated the lounge's archway, eyes searching for the girl while he set the food down on the coffee table next to the abandoned copy of Shiver.

"Ahyeong, are you here-"

He stopped abruptly, gaze finding the peach cover of True Beauty toppled upside down on the floor in front of a shelf he swore no one would notice.

With dread in his mind, he picked it up, turning it around, only to be faced by the drawn version of the person he was looking for.

Oh no. She'd seen it.

If Gilyeong had to describe his sister at that moment, he would've said she looked like she'd risen from a grave in a zombie apocalypse movie.

She looked dead. Alive, yes, but dead.

Like someone had told her whole life was a lie.

When Ahyeong had arrived back home from wherever she had dashed off to during the morning, she had looked like she'd gone through the five stages of grief, questioned the meaning of life, and ran a marathon through the streets of Seoul by how hard she was breathing.

He had almost asked her if she was okay, but that would've come off as him being "concerned for his dear sister," as Eunjung had so uselessly put it, and he hated proving people right. And besides, Ahyeong was clearly not okay.

"Oye, grinch," he called out across the table after seeing her actions.

She looked as if she hadn't even heard him. No annoyed flinch, no irritated twitching of her eyebrow; no reaction at all. Just her mindlessly trying to eat soup with chopsticks.

Eunjung looked at her with an extreme amount of concern.

Gilyeong almost puked at the feeling of worry in his gut.

Ahyeong was functioning on auto-pilot, her consciousness having taken a backseat as the only thing that moved her was sheer muscle memory.

She couldn't even remember how she had come back to her house, however, the stinging in her legs informed her of how she had deserted the shop and ran all the way back home, much to Driver Kwon's horror.

Her head felt empty.

Being in a comic? As a bully? That had to be the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard, or read, about herself.

It did not make sense. She was quite literally a model student, with a record as clean as glass. Being reduced to the likes of a bully? Impossible.

And then the derealisation came in.

This probably wasn't real after all. Maybe it was just one big practical joke blown out of proportion.

Yeah, that was it, she concluded as she finally became aware of her surroundings, dropping the chopsticks in her hands with a confused look and picking up a spoon to continue eating her soup, unaware of the small breath of relief from across the table.

That weird paralysis thing hadn't happened since the other day anyway, so she was probably going to be okay.

TURN.

What a fucking lie, you're kidding—

The doors to the house banged open, harshly knocking against the walls and startling the occupants of the dining room.

Song Hwayoung came inside the house, immediately making Eunjung receive her in a hurry and assist her with taking off her coat and setting her a pair of slippers.

Ahyeong was panicking. Why now? The universe was being unnecessarily cruel. Her body felt like a rock, cemented into the ground. The air got colder, the lights felt different, brighter somehow, as if someone was shining a spotlight down on her family, as if a grim situation was about to ensue.

Ahyeong almost got up to greet her mother, but sat back down after seeing the subtle shake of Gilyeong's head, who hastily looked down at his empty plate after Hwayoung came to sit at the head of the table.

Her mother looked like she had been trying to bottle up her anger the whole day, and the cap was finally about to burst.

Ahyeong felt unsettled at the sudden change in demeanor. Her mother had never gotten this furious before, ever. She attempted to stand, but she was glued to her seat and could only watch as Hwayoung glared daggers at Gilyeong.

She threw a stack of papers in front of Gilyeong, who shrunk into his seat when he saw its contents.

"What is this?" Hwayoung inquired, trying her best to appear calm.

The young boy mumbled a reply in a voice so small that it was barely audible.

Hwayoung flared her nostrils, "Say it louder!"

Both siblings flinched at the volume. "My report card," the youngest said shakily.

Why was her mum flipping over a simple report card? It's not like grades mattered—

"Even I know that it's a fucking report card. What I want to know is why your grades dropped to C's and D's and why the hell you're failing in math?"

Ahyeong's eyes widened, either involuntarily or of her own free will, she didn't know. Hwayoung cursing at her brother and raging over his academic report? That was quite literally the opposite of how her mother was. Hwayoung was supposed to be the sweetest person she'd ever known, understanding and supportive through every endeavor.

For a moment she considered if her mother had been replaced by a clone of a crueler version of her. With the bullshit that was happening to her right now, the theory did not even feel that far-fetched.

At Gilyeong's silence, Hwayoung scoffed, "All of this was happening and you didn't even bother telling me? I was in a phone call with your friend's mother who told me her son had scored first place but when she mentioned how you weren't even in the top ten do you know how humiliated I felt?"

She stood up abruptly, throwing her chair back, which was immediately caught by Eunjung, and scowled at the boy, not a single trace of warmth in her eyes that her daughter was familiar with, "What an embarrassment to the Song name. At least your sister fares better than you."

With that, she stalked away, heels clicking against the marble floors as she retreated to her room.

TURN .

Ahyeong got up as soon as she could control her movements, rushing over to Gilyeong whose eyes had become red and puffy as he sniffled.

She pulled him in between her arms, and he shook uncontrollably, Eunjung watching the ordeal with downtrodden eyes, wishing she could help.

This was far beyond what she thought would happen. No, that woman could not have been their mother.

As she put her brother to sleep that night, she came to a solution.

Stepping into the elevator to reach Cloud9 Officetel's terrace the next day, her resolve strengthened.

This nightmare was ending, one way or the other.

Jugyeong was quite possibly living the worst nightmare she'd ever had.

The world was too cruel. Beauty was only on the inside, they said. What a horrible lie.

She had been humiliated beyond measure. All she tried to do was convey her honest feelings to quite possibly the only person who had ever been genuinely kind to her. She would've been fine if Wang Hyunbin had simply rejected her and decided to stay as friends. But for him and Semi to destroy her pride and self-worth like that? Because of how she looked?

She felt her eyes burning with warm tears before they cascaded down her cheeks, the cold wind at the top of the building harshly biting at her skin and rattling her bones.

She shivered.

Cold, it was too cold. What a day to die.

Jugyeong's hands hovered over her phone's screen as she stared at her mother's contact. Would her family even mourn her? Good riddance, they would probably think.

But she had to tell someone, and even if her mother was harsh with her words, she still loved her. She had to tell her the reason why she was about to jump off of a building.

Just as her finger leaned down to press the call button, the door to the rooftop opened, and Jugyeong jumped in shock, turning around to see who had come in.

She did a double-take.

Was God personally consenting to her taking her own life? Because she was pretty sure he had sent down an angel to escort her soul into heaven.

Her glasses had been abandoned on the bench she'd been sitting on from when she had been trying to wipe her tears, so she couldn't really see the person properly, but even with bad eyesight, the stranger looked almost ethereal.

They were dressed in a black dress and heels, as if they had gone to a funeral, or were planning to go to one.

They stopped upon seeing Jugyeong's disheveled self.

Was God finally being kind to her in her final moments?

Mind in a haze and not thinking straight, Jugyeong broke down yet again.

Ahyeong was startled at the girl crying in front of her. She didn't think there was going to be someone else up there other than herself.

When she looked closer at the girl who was sobbing uncontrollably in front of her, she noticed who it was, immediately taking a few steps back on instinct.

Moon Gayoung? Why was she in a school uniform— oh.

You've got to be kidding me.

What luck she had, walking right into the girl this world literally revolved around.

She felt something pulling away at her in the back of her mind, sending warning bells down her spine, saying she wasn't supposed to be there. But why?

Ahyeong's heart almost burst out of her ribcage when Jugyeong threw herself at her, clutching almost painfully at her waist and sobbing into her dress.

She froze at the sudden contact, arms awkwardly hovering over the girl's shoulders.

Jugyeong had probably not recognized her yet, because there was no way she was hugging her future tormentor just like that.

"Th-thank y-y-you for c-coming," the girl said between choked breaths, "F-for being- for being here in my—" she struggled to say the words, "—my final moments."

Ahyeong stilled at that.

By the time her words had registered, she already knew what was happening.

This was the scene from the drama, she remembered, when Jugyeong had tried to kill herself because of the incident at school.

How ironic. Ahyeong almost laughed at her situation, they were here for the same fate for almost the same reason. Both didn't like the world that they lived in.

But for the Song girl, this was a test, really. A theory she came up with in the dead of the night.

The sensation of falling, that knee-jerk reaction, and the feeling of finally waking up from your dream. That was what she was hoping for. She wasn't here to die, she was here to go back to living her own life.

But the girl who clung to her was dead set on ending things, and frankly, that was a dreadful thought.

Ahyeong had no intention of leaving her as she was, be this a fictional world or not, Im Jugyeong was a human being who deserved a lot more than she got.

"Were you going to jump?"

Jugyeong's thoughts came to a halt as the Angel asked a question, the oddly familiar lilt of her voice bringing a strange mix of foreboding and warmth in her gut.

Still shaking, she only nodded against her shoulder.

"Why?"

"Because-" she sniffled, tightening her arms around them, "because everyone hates me," her voice faded at the end, and her wobbly knees gave in, making her sink into the hard floor and dragging the person along with her.

This time, the Angel wrapped her arms around her, rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"Jugyeong, things may seem horrible for you at the moment, and you have every right to be upset over what was said and done, but it is impossible to know answers to such questions when you're so overwhelmed."

The words cut through her haziness, her cries slowly stopping as what they said registered in Jugyeong's mind.

"You don't really want to die, do you?"

It felt weird, being told such things by a stranger.

Maybe deep down she had already known, but her despair had overtaken her senses and disregarded her common sense.

"Why were you really about to call your mother?"

Because she was hoping someone would stop her. To make sure someone really did care about her despite appearances.

The Angel patted her back, and slowly pulled away, only to firmly place their hands on Jugyeong's shoulders.

"Your family's waiting."

She didn't need to be told twice.

Maybe God was kinder than she thought.

It was getting dark now.

The cold evening air nipped at her skin as Ahyeong stood on the edge, heels digging into the concrete as she gazed down below.

What a hypocrite she was, telling all those things to Jugyeong.

She'd sent her home with a taxi after their ordeal, and Jugyeong had not even looked at her once through the whole thing.

She didn't know why.

The road was buzzing with activity, cars zooming past on asphalt, people walking home on the footpaths, vendors selling seasonal goods by the side.

It seemed to be a normal day.

She wondered how the rest of their day would go if her body suddenly flopped down there.

Gooseflesh rose on her arms. All of this was too real.

She slapped herself, the stinging spreading through her numb skin and making her wince in pain.

What was she doing? Was she really about to jump off a building just to test a theory out?

What if it failed? The pain in her cheek would pale in comparison to what would happen should she fall.

And the people waiting for her back home, thinking she was off paying her respects to an old friend. Gilyeong and Eunjung would be destroyed.

Ahyeong stepped back. No, she couldn't do this. She wasn't planning on dying today. Or anytime soon really.

She'd just have to get used to living here—

TURN.

Song Ahyeong stepped closer to the edge of the building, awaiting her doom.

What the fuck!? She didn't want to die, shit, shit, shit—

The LED screen behind her lit up in hues of pink and purple, colorful shadows falling on her dress that did nothing against the frigid wind.

Jung Seyeon's face graced the billboard in the distance, an ode from the people to celebrate the day he was born, and an apology for being the reason he died.

One more step and she would fall. No, no, one more step and she'd fall—

Ahyeong leaned forward closing her eyes for the last time.

NO!

And so, she fell backward.

Wait, backward?

TURN.

Ahyeong barely registered the iron grip on her wrist before it was tugged hard, her stiletto losing its balance and twisting her foot at an unnatural angle.

She widened her eyes as her vision blurred, surroundings moving too fast, and braced herself for the impact on the rough concrete.

It never came.

Instead, she fell on the person who had taken the liberty of pulling her back, and subsequently saving her. Groaning, she raised her head, squinting against the bright light of the advertisement.

"What a relief," Suho breathed out.

The ColorBeauty commercial cast the glow of its neon colors over their faces, and as the faint melody of Seyeon's voice filled the silence in the air, Song Ahyeong knew that somehow, she had fucked up.

masterlist

© 2021 Alfia Sheikh, All Rights Reserved

[tsukkisbean]

haikyuu nsfw alphabet series | tendō satori

please block #claras steamys if you don’t want to see this type of content!!

warnings: sexual themes, mentions of (unprotected) sex, voyuerism, bondage, edging,  fem!reader

a/n:  based on post time skip!! okay i don’t talk a lot about tendō so it was super fun to analyze him and bring my headcanons to life bc he’s definitely a hard hard dom!! this is also unedited pls excuse any unfinished sentences or mistakes

return to nsfw alphabet series masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

i think tendō would be surprisingly big on aftercare. given how he acts in the bedroom (detailed later) he makes sure that you are well taken care of after a long session together. like he’ll grab some water and a towel and help you get cleaned up and comfortable. maybe in the morning he’ll have a super simple breakfast ready like a toast and coffee or tea or maybe even some chocolate depending on the time of day

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his favourite body part of his is 100000% his fingers. his hands are large, fingers long and skinny and he absolutely loves the way they look shoved down into your pretty mouth, around your throat, or fingering your wet cunt.

he absolutely loves your mouth (detailed more below!!)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

so based on the above tendō loves when you’re sitting on your knees, waiting for him to cum in your mouth. there’s just something about the way you look with his cum painted all over your tongue. and it drives him especially crazy when you lick your lips to clean up the drops that are spilling down the corner of your mouth because you don’t want to waste a single drop

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

honestly? i don’t think he has any, mainly because he’s not afraid to be open with you. he strikes me as the type with absolutely no filter and so he’s going to tell you everything and anything on his mind whether it’s a random dirty thought or something new that he wants to try with you

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i’m a little on the fence about this mainly because tendō has a personality that people need time to get used to and understand. so that being said, i don’t think he has a lot of experience, BUT he knows what he’s doing (from watching a lot of porn probably)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

you’re on your back, legs spread out wide, his hands wrapped around your ankles, holding your legs in the air while he fucks you

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not goofy, but i wanna say he’s more playful. he likes to talk dirty, and say things he knows will make you embarrassed. loves the expression when you’re lost for words but also clearly turned on!!

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

not groomed whatsoever like i cannot see him giving a crap about what he looks like down there

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

honestly i think he gets so into the whole sex aspect that he completely forgets about being romantic for the most part. he’ll do things like praise you, and maybe a kiss or two here or there but most of it will just be him focusing on fucking you and help you reach your high

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he knows that you know and you know that he knows, yet you don’t move from your spot hiding spot. you didn’t intend for this to happen; all you wanted was to surprise tendō by finally coming home early for once. you peer through the crack in the door, reveling at the way your boyfriend looked with his eyes shut, head thrown back, and those beautiful fingers wrapped around the base of his cock. it feels weird to be spying on your boyfriend, someone you were regularly intimate with, yet you can’t seem to tear your eyes away.  you don’t realize, but your mouth hangs open, drool dribbling down your chin.

the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as your boyfriend’s voice cuts through the silence in the air, “are you going to just sit there like a dirty slut and me jack off or are you going to come suck my dick?”

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

tendō enjoyed seeing the look of defeat on his opponents faces when he played volleyball and i think that translates into the bedroom. he’s the type that loves to see his partner struggle (i would say he’s pretty much a sadist) and so i can think of A LOT of things he’d be into but i’m going to just keep it to top 3. 

1. bondage: loves to tie you up, your hands completely bound, eyes covered with a blindfold so you can’t move in any way. the power he feels just seeing you struggle, the way your face contorts in frustration because your arms are bound and your vision is temporarily taken away is immense

2. exhibitionism: absolutely LOVES the thrill of the two you possibly getting caught will having sex; the expression of the unsuspecting person.he gets especially excited at the way you clench around him because you’re nervous someone will spot you even though you’re okay with the exhibitionism

3. edging: favourite way to do this is first by eating you out. as soon as he feels your thighs about to quiver, he’ll pull away. next, he’ll pump his fingers in and out of your drenched cunt, fingers curling every so often. when he he feels you clench around his fingers, he’ll stop again. to top it off, he’ll fuck into you, slamming his hips against yours but at a painstakingly slow pace. loves the way you beg and cry for him to let you cum.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

the balcony of your apartment!! checks off all his boxes. it’s accessible and there’s the possibility of getting caught

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

dirty talk!!! if you want to get him all riled, tell him all the things you want him to do. better yet, tell him all the things you want to do him and you guys will be in the bedroom in no time

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i can’t think of a single thing. i think tendō is one of the most open to experimenting when it comes to sex and he won’t really know he doesn’t like it until he actually tries it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

this might come as a surprise to some, but i think he prefers to oral. the man is skilled with his tongue. he loves the way you squirm in his grasp, needy for more, but refuses to give it to you just because it’s fun to him

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and rough; he likes to build up the momentum and right when you’re about to cum he’ll stop. continues that pattern until you’re reduced to a blabbering mess

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not a fan because he prefers to draw out each time with you as long as he can. will only do it if he’s super desperate and he knows you guys can’t wait for the right moment

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

this man is down to do everything and anything that you want. he probably has a long list of things he wants to try with you and it grow every single day.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

can accomplish anything he puts his mind to so i would say his stamina is pretty high. he could probably go for at least 3 rounds, each lasting around 30-45 minutes (including foreplay)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

lots of different toys for the both of you to use on each other!!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

given his kinks tendō is the biggest tease but he’s not cruel; over time he’s learned your limits and will push you just until you’re a quivering, crying mess  because he knows you can take it

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not super loud, but he’s extremely vocal in the sense that he likes whispering dirty things and praises in your ear (with the occasional grunt or moan in-between) cause he knows it makes your skin crawl.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

at a time when the entire city should be asleep, there you stand on the balcony of your shared apartment with your boyfriend. one hand grasps the railing in front of you, the other presses firmly against your mouth. the feeling of your boyfriend’s lips merely ghosting against the nape of your neck is enough to send electric currents up your spine, “kitten, why are you so shy today?” 

in one swift movement, both your arms are pinned against your back, your chest meeting the frosty glass of the balcony. his thrusts are long and deep, and with each one it becomes harder and harder to hold back your pathetic cries.

at a time when the entire city should be asleep, there you stand with your boyfriend for anyone to watch as they please.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

longer than average, average girth and a slight curve to the right

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

h i g h. mainly cause he randomly thinks of something new that he wants to try with you and can’t calm down until it happens

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

honestly he probably falls asleep while cuddling you almost instantly after you guys are done

[innocentsshounenjuujigun]

Ok! So this is your first NSFW ask…. (I think?) But,,,,, do you have any headcanons for which of the characters are dominant, submissive or switches? Aged up ofc! :3c

.......what do you think my answers are going to be, anon? XD Knowing me, will I really make any of them doms? I’ll do some headcanons here anyway, but uhhhhh.... we all know what to expect of me, at this point. 

. . . 

Etienne — Surprisingly, somewhat switch, but in a weird way. Whether he’s more dominant or submissive, he’s always focused on doing things right for his partner and being what they want. His “dominant” side is a very loose definition, and really, he’s just sweet and shy no matter what... though oddly capable of taking the lead when with a more submissive partner. Christie. 

Nicolas — A completely eager to please sub. Despite how brash and tough he acts, that all falls apart the second someone calls him a “good boy”. He can top just fine and prefers to have a more active role during nsfw things (not a pillow prince in the slightest), but he bends to his partner’s every whim and spends most of his time just trying to please them enough to be praised. 

Henri — The subbiest sweetheart ever. There’s not a shred of dominance in this boy’s body. He needs to be coddled and treated sweetly during sex, especially because of how shy and anxious he gets. Calling him “baby boy”, holding him in your lap, and spoiling the life out of him like he’s your little prince is what Henri’s the most comfortable with— though he’ll try to deny it. 

Luc — Probably the best at being dominant out of the group. Honestly, he’s comfortable either way. If someone wants him to take a more dominant role, he’ll handle it (albeit as a very sweet, happy, relaxed dom), and if someone would rather he submit, Luc is still perfectly okay with that. He’s secure enough with himself that he doesn’t really care what kind of role he takes. 

Marc — Almost always submissive, at least to some degree. He has his moments, but he’s much better at being a cute, needy sub than even trying to take control. Marc is much more comfortable being taken care of and having clear directions when it comes to what his partner expects of him, and he’d rather that than attempt to figure things out on his own or lead the scene.  

Christian — It depends on who she’s with. If the relationship is more aggressive or somewhat confrontational, she can dom fairly well out of pure spite, but if it’s a happy coupling where there’s nothing but sweet feelings between her and her partner... she’s a total sub. And very, very shy/tsun about it. It’s hard to admit, but she likes to be reduced to a whimpering mess. 

Remy — Like Henri, he’s a complete sub. Remy is too shy and nervous to do anything in the means of domming. He needs to be coached/comforted through most things, especially because of how scared he is about his health issues. Babying him and treating him gently is for the better, especially because he can get overwhelmed enough to wind up in tears pretty often. 

Laurent — He has a small dominant streak, but is overall highly submissive. Because he’s used to taking on a protective/caretaking role, Laurent is capable of being a very, very soft dom if he needs to. That said, he’d much rather be the one submitting to someone who will take care of him. It feels safer that way, and he’s overall more comfortable with surrendering control for once. 

Lillian — Unlike his brother, he couldn’t dom if he tried. Lillian might be able to play at being dominant or pretend like he’s tough, but the second his partner tries to put him in his place, he crumbles. Just the same as Laurent, he wants to be the one being taken care of. It feels safe to be completely owned and spoiled— and not have to think about much of anything during the act. 

Guillaume — He’ll act like he’s a cruel, aggressive dom... but if his partner rebels against that, he’s shockingly easy to push around. In reality, Guillaume is a total pillow prince who’s happiest lying back and being spoiled. He can dom if his partner doesn’t do anything to stop him, but at that point, it’s just clumsy and kind of embarrassing to watch. He does not know what he’s doing. 

Pierre — Similar to Guillaume, he’ll try to act like he can be dominant, but that act collapses even faster and is replaced with the behavior of a needy, spoiled sub who needs a lot of attention and a lot of training. Pierre is very much brat-training territory, and he needs a firm hand not to turn into a total demanding pest. That said, he also really likes to be babied and taken care of. 

Guy — Fairly switch. He’s capable of being more dominant if he needs to be, and isn’t entirely uncomfortable with it. Even rougher domming isn’t beyond him, although it’s not his favorite thing at all. In most cases, though, Guy is the most comfortable with being something of a service sub. He likes proving that he’s good and kind to his partner, and that can be through pleasing them. 

Michael — He’s a bratty sub who simultaneously whines and throws fits over everything and has no idea what he’s doing. He wouldn’t know how to take the lead even if he tried, so there’s really no choice but for him to be the submissive one and get told what to do. And... he’s never going to admit it, but being put in his place is what turns him on the most. That and lots of affection. 

Isabelle — Second best at being dominant out of the group. Because of trauma, it can be kind of tough for her to work up the courage, but Isabelle’s natural personality works with it just fine. She’s okay with being submissive too (although it can scare her if it’s with the wrong person), but what really matters is how safe and comfortable she feels around the person she’s with. 

[archived-gtronpa-account]

So what if for a motive instead of kokichi being a giant he’s shrunk and stuck with shuichi :0! ( like continuing off of the other motive writing you did -)

hiii I'm glad for this req I was hoping someone would catch my drift and ask for a sequel since I had an idea for it in mind 💃 altho I took a wittle little bit of liberty with your req I hope you don't mind

(again terribly sorry for the delay friend I hardly had any time for this hope you'll enjoy either way)

___

Word count: 1800

Summary: The game master has a new dirty trick up their sleeve to get rid of a certain little liar; but Kokichi isn't going down so easily, even with the threat of now death waiting for him at every corner.

___

It seemed the mastermind wasn’t too pleased when the motive hadn’t gotten him murdering and executed, so their next plan was to get him directly murdered.

Kokichi stands in Monokuma’s shadow, expression blank in face of the bear’s cruel cackles. It's a wonder how the mastermind can see him as a threat when he hasn't been able to stop any of the past murders, but he's still flattered that he's managed to mess with their plans enough that they'd stoop to such a low motive.

When the monochromatic bear leaves, Kokichi is left silently staring at the rest of his classmates from his spot on the cafeteria table, standing at the miserable height of a toy. Any other day, jokes and taunts and lies would be flowing out of his mouth, but his mind doesn’t come up with anything when he’s surrounded by classmates who he knows are already thinking of killing him and hiding his body to avoid a class trial; the same classmates whom he could hold in the palm of his hand only yesterday.

Silent and unmoving as he is, they must think him a scared little child; Kokichi Ouma, supreme leader of evil, reduced to some cute joke, some fanservice for an audience to coo at before he inevitably dies. The thought of the mastermind looking down on him and laughing to themselves at the moment is near sickening.

Kiibo is first to speak up, “So… What should we do about this?”

“I say,” Maki’s reply is instantaneous, like she’d been waiting to say those next words for too long, “We end this killing game right here and now.”

And when she takes a swift step forward, red eyes piercing through his tiny form with a murderous intent he’s seen too many times already, Kokichi can’t do anything but resign himself to the fact that he won’t live to stop the killing game.

Then something darts in front of him and blocks his view, and he thinks he somehow must’ve dreamed the words, “Maki, don’t hurt him.”

It takes his paranoid brain longer than he’d like to admit to realize that the hand in front of him isn’t coming to grab him and squeeze his guts out, rather, it’s shielding him. A gesture he wouldn’t expect coming from anyone in this room, except-

“You can't fall for the mastermind's trick so easily.” Shuichi stands towering in front of him in a protective stance, like some knight in shining armor; and to think this is the same boy who was cowering in his presence only days ago.

"Yeah! Harumaki, you promised, remember?" Kaito, the actual knight in shining armor of the academy, doesn't come to protect him; instead, he steps up to Maki and places a hand on her shoulder. Of course, when killer girl is trying to kill poor lil' Kokichi, it's still her who needs help and support and not the doll-sized villainous boy about to be murdered. "This has gotta be a trap or somethin'."

"Right," Shuichi joins in. He briefly glances over his shoulder at Kokichi, and the now tiny boy meets his gaze with the same blank expression. "Think about it, doesn't this new motive seem more like a way to…" his gaze lingers on Kokichi's small form for a second longer, before he tears it away, "… to get rid of a specific classmate?"

"Yeah," Kaito chimes in, "I'm starting to think the mastermind wants Kokichi dead for whatever reason," The grave expression on his face matches the morbidity of his statement. He slams his fists together in determination, "We can't let that happen."

"I do agree," Kiibo pipes up, "That if Kokichi was the enemy hiding among us, it wouldn't make sense to put himself in such… disadvantageous situation," he's hesitant and careful with his choice of word, like he could somehow be tiny-phobic.

"You're all overthinking this too much," Maki's cold gaze falls back on him, and if looks could kill, a body discovery announcement would have played out, "The killing game stops when the mastermind is dead. Simple as that."

The pressure of her stare threatens to crush him. Kokichi's legs nearly give out under his weight, and his first reaction is to stumble a few steps back and plaster a grin on his face.

“Pish posh, poor Harumaki… wants to kill me so badly, she's ready to do it in front of everyone,” His voice nearly wavers, he takes another step back for good measure. No use in trying to reason with an assassin or try to gain anyone’s sympathy; it’s always easier to stick to the role he’s written himself into.

Kokichi speaking for the first time seems to trigger the whole cafeteria to erupt in a cacophony again. Maki tries to push past Kaito and Shuichi to get her grubby hands on the little leader, and the two boys defend him (at least he thinks they do); someone yawns and someone else gasps and exclamations and accusations are thrown around.

"There has to be more to this motive!"

"You're protecting him over a maybe?"

"This is terrible, we shouldn't fight!"

"Nyeh… we still haven't had breakfast…"

They argue and bicker, like they always do when a new motive is presented and they don’t know what to make of it. Kokichi finds it easy enough to block out the obnoxious voices. He lets cold logic take over his mind and shadow his fear as he assesses the situation.

Even if he refuses, they'll probably force him to be baby-sat by someone. Staying with Maki or Miu is out of the question. Kiibo would be a good choice if Kokichi wanted the eyes of the mastermind and the audience on his back at all time, and Himiko would be a good choice if he wanted all the protection of a bodyguard who doesn't tolerate him and sleeps most of the time.

Gonta does tolerate him and has already worked with him in the past; he wouldn't be a bad choice, but for now Kokichi has a feeling he'll end up sleeping in a bug case with cockroaches if he goes with the giant entomologist, so he'll pass. Kaito superman-wannabe-Momota wouldn't be so bad either, but he'll probably take advantage of the situation and try to get the tiny boy to open up about his super evil dark past or whatever; so again, he'll pass for now.

And then there's Shuichi… Staying with his beloved detective, they could stay up late at night and braid each other's hair and share their secrets, they could make plans together and explore the school and beat the mastermind like some iconic duo, they could even pick that night's game of chess back up since Kokichi still remembered the setting of the board. Staying with Shuichi, truely a dream come true, and a dream right in his reach. But he wasn't in dreamland, he was stuck in a killing game hell where he couldn't let his facade slip and show vulnerability so easily to the protagonist of their game. His eyes fall to the floor with the shame of entertaining such a dream before remembering the sobering reality. Staying with Shuichi is out the question.

Kokichi goes back to listening to the conversarion, but he finds the room silent and eight pairs of eyes on him.

“Kokichi,” Shuichi speaks again. The boy is tempted to look away, but he forces his eyes to meet the giant detective's faded gold ones, “you can stay with me if you want?"

A taunting smirk pushes its way to his face. “Man, Saihara wants to get a hold of me so he can do all kindsa weird stuff to me? Ew ew ew, so gross, I'm so terrified! How could you do this to a frightened little boy?”

“Kokichi,” he considers the exasperation in the detective’s tone a victory to him, although an unpleasant one, “You don’t need to be so obnoxious, if there’s someone you want to stay with, you can say it.” Sheesh, wasn't Shuichi dying to talk to him the other night?

His best option isn’t ideal, but he can't get too picky in his current situation. “Welll, I think I’d like to stay with big sis Shirogane!” he hears the girl in question sputter a noise of surprise, and all eyes turn to her.

“What are you planning?” Maki speaks again after a long silence, voice betraying her skepticism.

“Oh, are you jealous I didn’t pick you, big sis Harumaki?” Do you want to die?

“Do you want to die?” Bingo. Too predictable.

“Uhm,” Tsumugi’s meek voice cuts him off before he can retort, “Why me? I-I mean, I don’t mind, I just don’t understand?”

Kokichi turns to her, and she nearly flinches at his attention. At least there’s one person in the room who’s still intimidated by him. “I just wanted to stay with my absolute favourite girl in this academy," as he says that, he walks around Shuichi's still outstretched hand to better face the absolute favourite girl in question, shooting on his way a quick glance up the detective, "aaand there's also this one cosplay I really wanna try now that I'm cutie-sized. That is, if Shirogane is fine with it?"

Tsumugi looks down to her feet and starts to vibrate with excitement hard enough that he can feel it under his feet. "O-Oh, I am fine with it. I wonder if we're both thinking of the same anime… but the only male character there has a dark skin tone, and there's one girl that really looks like you… You don't mind wearing a dress, do you?" She's already walking up to him with an outstretched hand, as if driven by the by the force of her love of cosplay.

Kokichi blinks his fear away and steps into the unsteady surface, immediately understanding the fear and discomfort in Shuichi's face that last night. Questions and accusations are still coming at him left and right, but he pointedly ignores it all and waves back to his remaining classmates with his cockiest smile as he leaves in the giant girl's hand, mind already buzzing with plans to survive the new motive.

___

hope you don't mind the bit of saiou angst twist thing in the end 😔😔 I was too tempted to resist. Well hope u enjoyed dear !!

[akampana]

My friend and i came to a interesting conclusion.

We both think that a chance of "redeption" for the way Saberlot is treated by the game could present itself with the possible release of Guinevere as a servant, where we could have her have an event with lancelot that would help clarify things. This comes out of my idea that Lancelot remorse is also greatly influenced by the way he treated her, and the possibility that the forgiveness or punishment he seeks might not come from Arturia, like he thinks.

This however is a double edged sword because 1 50% risk of making her another sexualized stereotype 2 reduce her as another secondary character if not written well enough.

I am also afraid that this could come out incredibly wrong, because i don't think she should simply forgive him, as the way he treated her was incredibly cruel in my opinion. But at the same time, i believe that in order to finally develop his character and break him out of the infamous image, we would also need the third individual integral to the story, and the one i believe suffered directly from its result.

I think Saberlot gets the brunt of the NTR jokes because he's the only one whose fatherhood is so blatant, considering Mash.

I'd hope for a Guinevere servant, but at this point, I'm not sure we'll get one. There's a lot of Arthurian Servants around as is, not even counting the ones coming in the latest LB. But we can still hope. :3

I'd kill for an event but damn. Maybe even just an interlude??? Please??? A lot of the interludes (off the top of my head, I think of Enkidu's) have insanely good writing that really adds to the characters. For Saberlot specifically, I think an interlude set in London would be pretty good, one in which we meet the Knights (including Agravain, because if they aren't gonna give him as a servant, might as well reuse his fcking art), a version of Arturia, and Guinevere.

This is just my personal take:

Based on what we have on Lancelot so far, it seems he's basically just...taking the insults (jokingly perhaps) cause he thinks he probably deserves to be treated that way anyway, on account of his sins. We can also assume Arturia has just preserved the status quo, meaning she hasn't really changed her stance on the cuckolding either.

In his interlude, I think it's important he gets to talk to Tristan, who was the first deserter, Agravain, who discovered the affair, Gareth, who he killed to liberate Guinevere, then Gawain, who prevented him from joining Camlann In that order, where all the knights finally get the opportunity to air out their grievances. Gareth, for example, gets to ask him "why did you kill me when I admired you so much" instead of just being okay with it and continuing to be a Lancelot fangirl. Agravain literally just tears him up without holding back. Gawain finally gets to hash out their issues that did not start and end with the murder of his siblings.

And at the end of it all, Lancelot realizes that they'd all just been keeping the peace, and everyone was just as torn up as he is. Literally no one was as okay as he thought. Which gives him the courage to finally speak up to the person he meets next.

Arturia.

He finally admits that all he wants is punishment. He asks why she wouldn't just give it to him.

And (based on diarmuid's interlude Arturia knows who he is and therefore Fate zero happened you can't change my mind) she flashes back to her battle with him as a Berserker. It makes even more sense now why Berserker was so aggressive toward her.

And then Arturia tells him that she used to lament how it all ended, but that a certain redhead helped her accept the ending she achieved and finally lay to rest. So even as Servants, she doesn't wish to punish Saberlot, and she hopes he'll forgive her wanting to make amends instead. She then advises him to accept his past as well. She has.

So by this time Lancelot's gotten his resolutions from the people that matter most to him. He now understands the Knights' grievances with his sins (and the rather... questionable ways they compensated or covered it up) then eventually realized he would never get punishment from Arturia, but that she has accepted her fate. From what he can tell as well, Arturia has finally lightened up a bit.

So why does he still feel guilty even after all those talks? He still has one more loose end to tie up

This is where we finally get Guinevere (honestly she can have one of those stock faces or something I'd be happy for any Guin content at this point). They discuss what happened with his relationship. He says he's sorry he wasn't around when she died at the convent, she says she's sorry they let their guilt eat at them their whole lives, and that now that he has a second chance, he shouldn't squander it.(bonus if you ship Lancetoria, a subtle reference to that line in Einzbern consultation room where he admits he loved his king more, with which Guinevere laughs and says that she knew that already).

After more discussion on how their relationship ended, Guinevere is able to walk away with a smile as Saberlot returns to Chaldea, this time free of all that burdened him and ready to start again without anything weighing him down.

I just want good things for Lancelot. Really.

(edit: I wasn't able to fit in mo-san and bedi but they could totally talk too)

(edit edit: the other possibility I saw was him talking to servants that went through something similar, i.e. lancer Diarmuid (their legends are literally the quite the same) and maybe Fionn(but don't quote me on that idk enough about his fgo version yet)

[desolate-rose]

Chapter 3 A great loss

I stared at the creature in the mirror, the creature in the mirror stared back in steadily growing panic. It had been a few months since I had resolved to try and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and i had managed to confirm that i was still in fact a girl shortly after my mini panic attack and mastered the vital skill of sitting up on my own! I know, I know please hold your applause until the end of the show, but seriously I was unreasonably proud of myself for that tiny feat. Do you know how hard it is to sit up on your own without the proper muscle mass and an oversized heavy baby head? Very. attempting it was an exercise in frustration and humiliation but i had managed it well enough… eventually. My first few ‘successes’ were more of a drunken lean on the bars of my crib. I had also learned to roll over and how to worm wiggle. Very impressive I'm sure. Oh! I had also started to decipher my new mother tongue. The language is beautiful but confusing, I was actually proud of myself for deciphering a little of the new language without a reference. Baby talk was actually rather helpful in that task, but all of that is superfluous.

I stared at the little alien in the mirror and resisted the urge to start crying. It wasn't that i didn't look like my old self, that was ok. I had half expected that to be the case. I was panicking because I DIDN'T LOOK HUMAN.

Now all babies looked a little alien at first before they got to their cute, chubby stage. That's not what i'm talking about. I did not look human. I had freaking cosplay elf ears attached to my head! My hands clumsily rose to my ears and tugged at them with the hole of my feeble baby strength, and a sharp pain radiated across my head. I had already been overwhelmed by my chaotic emotions, the introduction of pain as well had been a little too much for my fragile psyche and baby body. I immediately burst into tears wailing my little head off. My caretaker for the day, a kind looking grandmotherly woman rushed to my side and scooped me up, cooing. I squinted past my tears and poor vision and looked directly to the left of her face. Sure enough there was a fleshy blur that looked like a pointed ear. A new wave of tears burst from my eyes.

How had I not noticed this before I wondered staring once more into a mirror. Beyond the startling ears there were several other factors that didn't look exactly normal to an observant eye, faces a little too even, eyes a little too big, skin a little too smooth and blemish free outside of the occasional birthmark or set of freckles. The last week had been spent furiously studying anyone and everyone that had entered the small nursery i had been interned in, everyone including my mother had been combed over with a fine toothed comb (as much as one could with my. Stupid. Freaking. Baby. Eyes. At this point self mutilation was being considered, no vision would probably be better then these discount, bargain bin, rip off excuses for eyes. But that might just be the bitterness talking.). And the small details that had previously eluded me now stood out in blaring blinding clearness. No human's face was perfectly smooth or perfectly even without the assistance of some serious cosmetic surgery or makeup on a level that would have even the most skilled beauty guru foaming at the mouth in envy. Their eyes weren't quite at the level of an anime character, but they were slightly larger then one would usually spot on a humans face. It wasn't that everyone was inhumanly attractive, they weren't. I had seen one or two plain looking people passing in or out to clean the room or change my diaper and feed me, but there was a certain perfection and symmetry to their features that had put them a step above.

And as i stared once more at myself in the mirror i could spot all of the commonalities in myself as well. My eyes were far too large for the common infant, my skin was free of the blemishes and acne babies would get in their first few months. There was a damning perfection and symmetry that had never been present on my first face. sure there were some surface level similarities, i had tufts of the golden blond my hair had been in my youth and my eyes were still blue, But both of those were subject to change. Baby blues were never set in stone, and My hair had darkened to a dirty blond as I had grown older, whereas the color of what little hair I had shown was far too true for that to be likely in this case. The only familiar spot of this foreign face was a little bird-like birthmark above my right eyebrow.

I was aware that I had started to hyperventilate but wasn't quite in the proper state of mind to calm myself. Everything i had assumed, everything that i had taken for granted was now up in the air. I was not human, or at least the human I knew, no wonder I couldn't recognise the language! Frantic ideas ran rampant across my mind. What sort of sci fi, fantasy bull was this! The insidious voices that had been lurking, whispering in the back of my mind were now screaming, malicious glee filled every syllable. Thoughts of secret societies, alien races and, fantastical magical races assaulted my brain. The ideas that had once enthralled and tempted me in my first life were now terrifying. The ugly truths of those realities featured in every frightening fantasy. Secret societies were plagued with dangers different and unique to those of the already danger filled world, space soap operas often spotlighted upon terrifying conquering armies and malicious alien life, fantasies of magical races were erased with the cruel knowledge of hate and fear humans were cruel enough to their own species for slight cosmetic differences. I didn't want to imagine what the world would be like if there were actually entirely different species of sentient life! My breath was getting short and my head was becoming fuzzy unconscious tear drops started to roll down my cheeks followed by gasping sobs. My mother picked me up muttering worried words in my ear bouncing me up and down. That only caused me to sob harder, I had known that along with reduced sight baby's sense of hearing was also greatly reduced but from the moment of my birth my hearing had been just as astute as they had been in my last life. I was scared in a way I hadn't been since my inception in this new life. I had lost my life, I had lost my family, and now I had lost my humanity. I clutched my mother close while I sobbed, clinging to my only rock in this storm.

Also on FanFiction.Net https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13547505/3/

[amethystunarmed]

Nothing But

Relationships: Dabi/Hawks

Warnings: Manga Spoilers, Referenced Violence and Character Death, Referenced Child Abuse

Word Count: 1892

Part of the Truth Series Part 2 Part 3

AO3 Link

~~~

Hawks gets hit with a truth quirk right before a meeting with Dabi. Dabi thinks it'll be fun. It isn't.

~~~

To be honest, the fight hadn’t been hard. Most villains see Hawks’s lazy complaints and the pretty boy smiles and forget why he’s Number Two. Forget that his speed is not the only thing to fear, but that his technique is unmatched, even by Endeavor. So when he shot out his feathers, pinning bank robbers to walls, there isn’t a lot of fuss. Just that the woman nearest to where he landed reached towards him. He leans back, trying to get out of the way. God only knows what kind of quirk she could have. But even as his feathers drag her away, her fingers brush against his wrist with glowing yellow light.

Fuck.

The fight is already over, Hawks can tell. The would-be robbers struggle against his bonds, but none of them appear to have the strength or flame quirks that would really put him in trouble. He has time to check himself over for injuries. He looks at his wrist, examines it for any burns or residue but there’s nothing there. Huh... She must have missed him. Still, he didn’t like the way she was smirking at him.

The effects of the quirk only really became apparent once the EMTs arrived. Though no one had really been hurt, it was standard procedure to be checked over before returning to work. Hawks was annoyed by the delay. His patrols had been right at its end when the call about the robbers came over his comm. At this rate, he would be late for his meeting with Dabi, something the villain, despite the many times he’d made Hawks wait, was incredibly unforgiving about. 

“You seem alright, Hawks,” the EMT said, sticking her penlight back in the pocket of her uniform, “Not even a scrape. Anything else happen that I should know about?”

“I mean, I think one of the villains hit me with her quirk,” Hawks says without thinking. Her expression grows concerned, and he curses internally. He offers a dashing smile. “But it didn’t do anything, I feel perfectly fine.” He can tells by the way she’s frowning that she’s unfortunately good at her job.

“Even so, it would be best for you to go to the hospital,” she tells him, “We can monitor you for any changes. Hawks suppresses his sigh and smiles wider. He’ll just tell her he’ll go home, and call his personal physician if anything happens. It’s a lie he’s said so often, it's starting to feel like the truth. He opens his mouth.

“I’m not allowed to go to the hospital.”

Hawks’s eyes widen.

What the fuck?

The EMT stares agape at him. They just look at each other for a moment.

“I r-really need to go,” Hawks stammers, “I just broke like, 8 NDAs by telling you that.”

What the actual fuck?

He stumbles backwards, wings already flapping. His instincts are screaming at him to get away from the threat, the thing putting his entire existence at risk. Unfortunately, his mouth is just as fast as the rest of him.

The EMT reaches forward, clearly worried, but she keeps her voice soothing and calm. “Hawks, one of the villains is registered as having a truth quirk. I think you’ve been affected-”

“I have to go,” Hawks yammered, “I’m terrified of telling you something that will get you killed.” 

What. The. Fuck.

Her hands fall at that, and she stops. She doesn’t say a word as he flies away.

~~~

Hawks slams down on his balcony with one of the worst landings he’s done since he was teenager. His knees ache, but he can’t think about anything other than his heart beating in his ears and the words truth quirk on endless loop. His hands shake as he opens the balcony doors. He can handle this. It can’t last more than a day, maybe two, right? He just has to stay in his apartment and it’ll be fine. The Commission’ll be pissed, but they’ll allow it. Last thing they want is Hawks in the field spilling all their-

“Nice of you to finally show up, little bird.”

Hawks yelps and leaps over his couch, putting some kind of barrier between him and this new threat. It’s only when the man chuckles, that Hawks remembers. Oh fuck. He has a meeting with Dabi.

He smirks down at Hawks.

“What’s got you so jumpy, hero?” Dabi sneers, and Hawks answers him.

“I got hit with a truth Quirk.”

Hawks swiftly contemplates every decision that has gotten him to this moment, starting with his own birth, and regrets all of them.

Dabi’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas Day and Hawks is the present he’s been waiting all year to unwrap.

“Really?” He purrs, “Well, isn’t that incredible.”

Hawks should run. Should push Dabi out of his apartment or lock himself in his room but he doesn’t. He just sits there, mouth half-open, like it can’t wait to tell all his secrets.

“Let’s start with something easy.” Dabi licks his lips. “What do you think of me?”

“I’ve been attracted to you since the day we met and if you stepped on me, I’d thank you.” Hawks clamps his hands over his mouth, but it’s too late. Dabi is already cackling, head tilted back, smile so wide Hawks is afraid he’ll pop a staple. It would have been beautiful if it wasn’t so cruel.

“Not exactly what I meant, but can’t say I’m not flattered.” He takes a step closer to Hawks, greedy eyes still glimmering with power. “And what do you think of hero society?”

That one Hawks doesn’t even bother trying to hold in.

“I’ve grown up in it my whole life, don’t really have an opinion anymore.” 

Dabi rolls his eyes. “I suppose I’ll have to get more specific.” He reaches out, takes Hawks’s chin between his fingers.

“Are you betraying the League of Villains?”

No, no, no, this can’t be happening. Hawks bites down on his tongue. His eyes scrunch shut with the effort it takes to keep the words in his mouth. He can’t tell him, he can’t let him know, can’t let it all be a waste-

“I am, but I wish I wasn’t.”

Wait, what? 

Dabi takes an instinctive step back.

“What?” He echoes and Hawks is too surprised not to answer.

“I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could really be on your side. No one has ever treated me like the League has. I wish I could be a part of it for real.” Hawks isn’t sure why he is still talking. Dabi is looking at him with these horrified eyes, and he just can’t bear it, can’t handle the wait of disappointing someone who’s opinion he values so much. He just wants Dabi to stop looking at him like that. Dabi’s eyes widen and Hawks realizes he’s said all of that out loud. But still, he forges ahead.

“I mean, I don’t agree with everything you do. I don’t like that you kill people. But I’ve killed people. The Hero Commission has killed people. They made me kill Best Jeanist.”

Dabi blinks rapidly. “They knew about that?”

“Oh, they ordered it.” The quirk must be getting worse. There is no time for Hawks to stop, no time for him to fight the stream of words flowing from his mouth. “I told them about your request. I really thought they’d call it. Tell me it wasn’t worth it, that it’d gone too far. I was scared, because I failed my mission, but I was relieved too. I was afraid, because I was really starting to like you.”

Dabi wasn’t moving. Now he was frozen too, just listening to Hawks talk.

“But they told me to keep going. Told me Best Jeanist wasn’t useful anymore and that he could be dispatched. So they gave me his address and I went to visit him and when he turned his back I pulled out one of my longest feathers and stabbed him over and over until he stopped moving. Then I threw up in the sink, used his shower to clean off the blood, and brought him to you. You were so happy with me. Despite everything, that felt nice. My handlers don’t really tell me when I do well, just when I have things I need to fix.” Hawks feels like he’s drunk. He’s never been drunk before (except for that one time on Rumi’s birthday when he blacked out) but he is certain this is how it must feel. His head is swimming and the world is shifting in and out of focus and he can’t fucking shut up.

“What the fuck? Handlers? Why do you have handlers?” 

“I’m an asset. All assets have handlers.” Dabi is staring at him like he can’t comprehend Hawks’s words and the thing inside of him propels him forward. “They make sure I continue to be an appropriate representation of the Hero Commission.”

Dabi frowns. “The hell does that mean?”

“Make me train. Keep me presentable. File down my talons, give me speech lessons to reduce the bird noises I make.”

“That's... that's real fucked up.”

Hawks nods and his head feels like a balloon. “It is. It’s one of the reasons I like spending time at the hideout. No one cares if I eat raw meat or if I tweet when I’m happy. I crushed an apple in my grip yesterday and Toga cheered. It was surreal. Normally I get punished.”

“If you hate it so much, why don’t you leave?”

“I have nothing else. They bought me when I was a kid.” Everything Hawks has held close, everything he told himself wasn’t true, everything he repressed, it all comes tumbling out. “I mean, they asked me if I wanted to go, to be a hero, but they knew my parents beat the shit out of me. They knew I wasn’t going to turn down a chance to get away from that. But it didn’t matter. They got the weapon they wanted. They made me perfect. If I fail, they punish me, so I won’t do it again, that’s why I can’t leave. They’ll kill me, or worse. Probably worse. They’ve invested too much in me to get rid of me. So they’ll just chain me up until I’m obedient again. Until I’m theirs again.”

“So I don’t really have an option,” Hawks continues and he feels tears streaming down his cheeks and his voice cracks with sobs but still he can’t stop talking. “The Hero Commission uses me, the League of Villains uses me, it doesn’t really matter. I’m used to it. It’s what I’m good for. Even you use me. I don’t mind that as much though, even though I should. It’s nice when it’s you.” A sob wracks his chest.

“Do-“

“Please don’t ask me any more questions,” Hawks begs, “I’ll do anything, just stop, please.” Dabi pauses, more hesitant and gentle that Hawks thought possible, before nodding. And finally, with no more words left to give, Hawks wraps his wings around himself and weeps. 

At some point, Dabi leans against him, begins running his fingers through his hair. Hawks knows he should be disgusted, should shove him away, but instead he leans closer, desperate for the comfort. He reaches his wing around Dabi, and hides them away from the world together.