#how do i describe the position that puts me in though??? because i've always kinda sucked at making and maintaining friendships

[devondeal]

For the weird Star Wars ask, questions 1,4,7,8,10,11,14,17,18 and 20 😌😘 Have fun

Oooo good ones. Also hard ones 🤣

1. Qui Gon Jinn. Love or hate? Discuss.

I love Qui Gon Jinn. I love how calm he is and how contemplative he is. This doesn't mean I can't see his flaws though. Regardless he is a one of the coolest Jedi the prequels have introduced, I just wish fans wouldn't put him on a pedestal. Let characters be flawed and wrong sometimes, it's ok I swear y'all.

4. Do you prefer the prequel, original, or sequel trilogy, and why?

God this is a hard one. Original is more nostalgic for me, like I watch them for comfort since I watched them when I was a kid all cozy with hot cocoa and blankets and just adoring the characters and twists. But the prequels are just so meaty and entertaining with the flashy visuals and meme humor.

It hurts to choose but I guess I'll go with prequels cuz I do engage with them more in fandom given how juicy they are. That's not to say the OG isnt juicy but the tragedy of Anakin Skywalker is kinda hard to beat there.

7. Dumbest Star Wars moment

God so many to choose from 🤣 but yeah Jar Jar stepping on shit then immediately getting electrocuted. I may have the order wrong on those sequence of events but either way... dumb.

Honorable mention: Jabba's CGI band with Roach and Miss Lips Close up. Just thinking abt it makes me laugh. Like George what were you on? 🤣

8. If you could ask George Lucas one question, what would it be?

I would ask him how he would continue Leia's story after the OG trilogy. I just always felt she deserved more in depth character exploration and I'd want to know his POV on that.

10. If you could pull a George Lucas and sneak into Disney Plus to edit any Star Wars scene, what changes would you make?

I'd take a away the "No... NOOO" from the Vader scene in Return of the Jedi. Just takes away from the suspence of if he will save Luke and ruins it for me. That's really it. Not much of an edit since it wasn't there to begin with. So an un-edit?

Next, I would edit some squeaking noises for C3PO during the Luke and Leia kiss, maybe an "oh my" even though he wouldnt be sure why he didn't like it 🤣 maybe some background dialogue for him and and R2 abt it.

11. Who would you want as your Jedi Master? (Why)

Luke Skywalker. I feel like he would really help with my confidence issues with his tendency for positive reinforcement. And he's nice and calm so he wouldn't trigger my anxiety. But still enough discipline so that I stay sharp and on it which I also need as a scatterbrain. I feel like because he started as a scatterbrain himself, he'd know where I was coming from.

14. BESIDES THE ROTS NOVELIZATION, what is your favorite Star Wars book?

The Approaching Storm is just a chock full of Jedi fun. It gives you an idea of what Jedi are meant to do and you get to see familiar characters in a more relaxed (for Jedi that is) setting.

17. Pick one Star Wars line to describe your life, what would it be?

"All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. What he was doing."

This Yoda line about Luke very much described me for a very long time. I've always felt and sometimes still do. I tend to live in my head and struggle with being present. I guess Qui Gon's line about being in the present applies too.

18. What is your favorite piece of Star Wars merchandise that you own?

Oof I can't narrow that down to one. So it's gonna be the Ahsoka doll you gave me 😘 also the Savi's lightsaber I made. My Lego collection is huge but I have a soft spot for the Tie Fighter and Luke's Landspeeder cuz they were what got me back into Lego since my childhood.

Literally any Lego clone minifigure.

20. Please describe in as much detail as possible the signature scent of Ewan McGregor and/or Obi-Wan. (Are they different? Probably)

Omg, really making me think like a straight woman eh? 🤣 Idk or care what Ewan smells like even though cool dude. Obi Wan... hmmm....

Tea leaves and really faint raspberry. Why? Cuz the nerd eats them off the Jedi Temple gardens. Just seems like a raspberry guy to me. His robes are always clean so probably fresh laundry. His hair smells like puppy breath idk.

[whoisenver]

I never expected to say it but this has been sitting in my drafts for a little over a year now. I'm newly single and it's hard to say it but this was written about my ex. It's cringe and kinda dumb but I know he'll never see it and I don't really need to hold on to add more anymore. Enjoy.

I envy the sun that gets to kiss your skin, it's unfair that I am not there to hold you and love you the way the moonlight does. I think it's positively awful that for some reason we are cursed to live so far. An somehow I feel like all my midnight confessions could make up for it. I envy the stars, they get to see your smile the moment you see them. Their gentle light gets to guide you to a peaceful sleep. These are the things I think of and never tell. These are the things that make me wonder why. An these, these are the nights I long for you. I want to hold you and savor your touch. I want to know you, I want to lay my head on your chest and just listen. Listen to the star dust that has put you an I here. The very thing that makes us alive. I want you. Here with me. I don't mind if we talk or if it is just peaceful slumber (for I am always peaceful when I'm with you).

I don't want to fear the distance nor the time. Yes, we are young. Yes, it hasn't been that long. Yes, I am sure of my decisions. You, my darling, are my other half. It is you and me. Me and you. I'd chose you in every world. Every life time. Every version of reality. Yes this is my confession. An as I lay here the morning sun slowly starts to rise. I haven't slept for I have been thinking of you. Will you ever read these words? Most likely not. Will people care about this? Probably not. But I don't mind. This isn't for people. This, love, is for you. My lover, my best friend, my future wife, and my partner. But most of all. My soulmate. I have all the love in the world for you. I never plan to lose it, though if you are to change your mind I fear I might not be able to go on. I will grieve, grief is the price to pay for loving so deeply. I burn for you. You are the fire that keeps my soul glowing. You are my muse. You are my everything. I love you. And in the night. When I feel the most at peace. I wonder, Do you feel the same as I? I think you do.

Others have their doubts. "You're just kids." "You don't know yet." "how can you be sure this is what you want?" How can I be sure? Look at them. They are mine and I am theirs. I could not ask for more. I am forever theirs. They can leave. They can hate me. I will still love them. Why? Well I've said it before.. They are my soulmate. My other half. My muse. Mine. They're mine. And I am theirs. Forever <3. You ask me why I love you when you are not whole, darling I love you like I love the moon, it doesn't matter if it's a full moon or a crescent, I still love it. I still love you.

No matter how "broken" you claim to be. I'm excited to see you soon, two weeks is not enough time. But, it is better than none. I am scared. What if our moms don't get along and we're forced apart? What if those two weeks turn into nothing... What if we don't get that time together. What if we never get our "someday". I could go on and on for decades but I'll spare you. The weeks draw closer and I'm learning so much more about you, I want to spend every waking second with you. I'm falling for you all over again. I want to send you this but I'm afraid you'll be weirded out, at the same time I practically cried over your paragraph. I am so madly in love with you I just want to be around you all the time. I can't wait for you love, I'm praying that you won't change your mind. I love you so much I don't know how to describe it sometimes. Yes I cry. I cry as I write these words. I cry because I long for that human feeling of communication. English is hard for me. We both know that

Someday, I will live with you. Perhaps in a cabin by the sea. We can wake up to the sound of waves, and drift off to each other's laughter. I was always told "plant your own garden. Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers." Yet here I am, surrounded by the ones you give me every day. If that garden was made of thoughts of you it wouldn't be full, no, there would be one. One flower. For you, my love, never leave my mind.

Now I'm updating this. It's been a year since we started on this journey. This wonderful, scary journey. Many things have happened since I edited this last. Yet here we are. It's just you and me in this crazy world. My sunshine. My darling. Mine all mine. I cannot put together words that describe how I feel more accurate than those of Achilles.

"In the pages of old Greece, Lies a tale of love and peace, Of warriors brave and true, And bond that forever grew. The song of Achilles, it's called, a story of a love so bold,

Of two hearts that act as one, From the rising of sun.

Like a rose that blooms in spring, Their love was a beautiful thing, A bond that could not be broken, Even when the Gods had spoken. Their love was like a ship at sea, Navigating life's stormy debris, Together they faced every wave, Their bond only growing strong and brave. So I recommend thing song of old, A story of a love so bold, Of two hearts that beat as one, From the rising of the sun."

Quite honestly that wasn't the quote I was thinking of. I was thinking of this one, "I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell, I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world." The one that has made people feel things that they couldn't imagine before.

How did I get so lucky?

They say the heart doesn't know miles, but I don't think it knows speed either. When I think of you everything slows down, like time stops.

[pizzawendell]

reading this back it's a little bit personal not really anything to content warning but I appreciate that I mostly post about the most inconsequential shit ever on here so if you don't want to hear about my dreams/gender feelings move along. It also blows way past all of the punchlines that I was angling for when I started so it reads as a fairly rote piece of confessional writing which is a genre I for one don't like and you may not too. Also the way I wrote it often reads as though everyone in the world is trans which is both funny and desirable. Gonna post it anyway because it's not a perspective I've seen much of so if someone stumbles on it they might enjoy it and also I don't have to justify every post I will post it it'll be good for the economy.

I had a dream a while ago where I had breasts and it's sorta hard to articulate how that made me feel in a way that makes sense to most trans people. I think most people hear that and basically assume it's a sorta textbook sublimated desire thing, but it was really the opposite. Ever since moving back to a flat with a full height mirror (or indeed mirrors at all) I've been able to much more meaningfully engage with myself as a person with a body and ask myself what I want that body to look like. One of those questions was my chest because it's something I could very feasibly do something about. I spent a lot of time visualising all sorts of different ways my body could be (flatter, boobier, rounder, pecs etc) and I really wasn't sure. I think the subconscious gets placed on this pedestal in the trans community bc for a lot of people things have to get pushed down for all sorts of reasons and I was trying to trigger the sorts of bolts of realisation a lot of people describe when they realise exactly who they want to be. At first I thought this dream might be that, but the longer I sat with it the more I realised that I really really didn't want to look that way. In a sense, I'd triggered one of those moments but in the negative. I think when I say that a lot of people would kinda assume it's bullshit because there's a million stories of trans people who have some sort of moment where they avoid acknowledging their desire for binary transition and then later realise they were just ignoring super obvious signs and everyone has a good laugh about it. I worry a lot about how to express this because being trans is already more or less the experience of being told repeatedly that you don't know who you are or what you want and it's pretty easy to get in your head about that. There's this practice- especially on twitter -of people placing knowing bets about who's gonna come out as what and it's generally a good time, but I think that whenever I try to express this stuff some bit of me is imagining the DMs of fictional strangers (I am very healthy and well adjusted) doing that whole thing and smugly assuming that my experience fits into some traditional hero's journey arc where at some point I have to refuse the call but will inevitably end up at the some totally different place they see as the end point of the story. This whole process is obviously not falsifiable bc if someone doesn't follow the path set out for them it can always be explained away as repression or the closet or something else. I don't much care if some random jerk calls me an agp or whatever but I do want trans people to believe me when I say I've thought a lot about this and know how I feel. This basically verificationist enterprise of trying to call shots exists more or less to soothe those doing the calling, since by nominally recognising the signs in others they bulwark themselves against the broader societal notion that trans people are just confused or naïve. It feels a bit exceptionalist to declare that I'm just built different and simply don't want what the majority of people in my position want. Odds are that I ought to fit where the smart money would put me. I'm sure people do it for lots of other reasons as well (and indeed me armchair diagnosing them falls into a lot of the same patterns of thought I ascribed to others) but I do generally try to avoid it as an activity because I know the ways it's inadvertantly given me all sorts of brain worms. So I worry a lot about how to express all of this in a way that won't set off assumptions that someone's about to win five dollars or whatever. All this to say that it's not bullshit that even though I had a dream where I had tits the more I thought about it the more dysphoric that idea made me. I know what I'm talking about.

A perpendicular question to all of this was whether I wanted to take oestrogen. A big problem I have is not liking facial/body hair one bit and arresting that along with getting softer skin as a little bonus sounds pretty neat. I came to the hilarious realisation that if I took oestrogen I would also want top surgery at some point which is 1. Very funny and 2. Not a practical approach to transition. I had a subsequently hilarious realisation while playing Fire Emblem that the kind of chest I want is basically just an 'athletic' one without all of the chest hair that makes me feel awful to look at. Just a full on 'oh I should look like that they/them ass anime boy' moment. It's a funny place to be in because the part of me that doubts myself wonders if it's trans 'enough' to basically want a body type that just requires an exercise regime to achieve. It's dumb and bioessentialist to conceive of transing your gender as a process of simply swapping your biology with some opposite but a lot of me feels like it ought to be that way. Also, I kinda wish there was some way to achieve it with pills or injections (other than the laser) bc I'm not wildly excited to reincorporate exercise into my life. This dovetails neatly with my feeling like there's girls with anime profiles on twitter betting on me because I am already openly trans and they bet on whose egg will crack. What better example is there of insecurity about my desired body than imagining people gossiping about how a trans person would never want that? Nevertheless, I can't help but feel the worry. I want to be seen for who I am by my own people but I always feel like the outside result expresses the interior in an unclear way. Part of me likes the worry because it's part of the telemetry of knowing my feelings are real. If it was all made up as some psychological trick, I probably wouldn't be this anxious for people to believe me. In my experience lying is much less stressful because what you're saying is designed to fulfil all of the listener's expectations. While I enjoy the reassurance, I would rather possess the capacity to feel that I knew what was inside was also clearly without.

So I find myself looking at a cis man who looks a lot like me and gendering. How can you wish that were you? That is you you stupid faggot! And yet. For a while now I've been trying to land my expression somewhere between fem gay and masc lesbian (in a cool and and unproblematic way I promise) without any particular interest in looking androgynous and that is honestly just not a long way to go from where I started. He's just like me for real and also merely an ingredient in the stew I am cooking. I really am like if a man and a woman had a baby.

This got away from me a bit and so the original joke has been submerged in a mini essay which has also let its conclusion run away from it. Anyway a middle aged woman asked me what my pronouns are last month so I guess I'm doing something right.

[mxbitters]

i think i’m facing what might be like the hardest choice of my life and by that i mean i know which option would be like.. healthy for me but regardless of what i pick it would still mean having to sacrifice a huge important part of my life and i feel as if i have no time to even think about it even though i technically do but like given the circumstances no amount of time to think this over will come up with an easy answer for this

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Hello, different anon here (I'm on anon because I have social anxiety that apparently even extends to Tumblr) and I just want to say thanks for your gender post! I've never felt anything but cis myself, so I appreciate reading accounts of how people who are anywhere else on the gender spectrum feel about it even if you don't identify with a specific label. Also I definitely cracked up at the "gender? I hardly know 'er / awkward finger guns" one, so thanks for that 😂

which is a completely legit reason to use anon, and also why I like to leave it on!

and haha you're welcome. I've always just assumed I was cis, but it's like...I dunno, I do still consider myself mostly cis, but also my gender is a shrug emoji. my gender is dumb jokes about gender. my gender is marking "woman" or "she/her" on medical forms or surveys but feeling kinda weird about it. my gender is a 404 gender not found page. my gender is void. my gender is not recognized as legal tender in this or any other country.

...you know?

and I guess I've felt that for a while, in that I haven't felt an extreme attachment to my gender, but I haven't really put words to it until fairly recently. but I have been thinking about it for a while, and I've known for quite a while that I had a tiny handful of experiences in puberty that sort of lined up with what I've seen trans people describe about dysphoria even if I didn’t necessarily recognize those experiences as specifically gender-related, and more recently for some reason I've...I dunno, allowed myself to recognize a handful of other experiences that were also...something. not experiencing gender in ways I was expected to, certainly, but also...

okay so my last haircut prepandemic when I was 100% positive I wanted it all gone and the stylist basically refused, and it was like...I walked in nervous but excited because I was finally, finally going to get the hair I'd been wanting for so long, it was finally going to be out of my way, and in the car afterward it would be fair to say I was feeling a little suicidal specifically about my hair and the idea that I wasn't ever going to be allowed to cut it the way I wanted to, that it was just always going to be like this, getting caught on things and getting in my way, and...that sounds a little bit like dysphoria, doesn't it? easy to fix, luckily! and it didn't have to be about Gender, it might have just been about hair and inconvenience, and it probably wasn't all about Gender, especially because I very specifically think women with short hair are hot, but it's still like...when I started thinking about this a little more, I'd kind of go "well, obviously, I'm cis. I mean, I don't really care about gender that much one way or the other to begin with (that's not true, just imagining myself with a dick makes me feel vaguely dysphoric, which was an early interesting data point that made me assume I couldn't be trans and continued to make me assume that, for some reason, even after I learned nonbinary genders existed), or anyway I don't care enough to have had dysphoria about it. ...except for how damn uncomfortable I was in general about growing boobs. to, hm, yes, to the extent that my reaction to people with breast cancer getting immediate reconstructive surgery after double mastectomies was 'but why though, you have just gotten RID of an annoying and inconvenient thing and now you're going out of your way to put it BACK??' but I'm sure that doesn't mean anything."

--my point is, in the context of that, the intensity of my reaction to basically being told “no you are not allowed to get rid of hair that you genuinely hate every time you’re reminded it exists” could, in fact, be related to Gender. like, the fact that I hated my hair doesn’t have to be about Gender, and it doesn’t have to be solely about Gender, but it also...doesn’t have to be not about Gender, and it makes a little more sense now to look back at how furious and despairing I was over that damn haircut and go “ooh, okay, maybe I reacted so strongly because my hair was making me feel kinda dysphoric and she’d just told me, if not in so many words, that I was stuck that way.” 

anyway.

I have no idea who wrote it or I'd actually quote it, but I know there's a post about how it's always valuable for people to think about gender or sexuality, even if they end up on a better understanding of their own straightness or cisness, because--I mean, yeah! it's always a good thing to know yourself better, to know who you are and do it on purpose. that's one of the things that drives me nuts about conservative handwringing. we're not trying to turn anyone anything, we're trying to help everyone figure out who and what they really are.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b. barnes

chapter five - “fight or flight”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: bucky and (Y/N) have their first official therapy session.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: this story is available my wattpad as an OC @/ typicaldaze :))

She stood in front of her bed, ringing out her hands. Her gaze trailed off to nowhere specific, feet planted firmly on the floor of her room, body rigid and straight. She was nervous. This was no foreign feeling, but unpleasant all the same. Today was the first ever therapy session with Bucky.

She hadn't realized how strange it felt until she really thought about her position here. She never worked as an official therapist. She studied neuroscience and psychology, and the relationship between neurobiology and behavior. Don't get her wrong, she knew psychology, she knew trauma and how it interacted with the brain. In fact, sometimes her knowledge seemed like the only thing she could rely on, a consistent comfort and constant truth to keep her feet on the ground.

She shook the thought with a shake of her head, cracked her knuckles, and went for the door. She would have to get used to the Wakandan royal-guest living quarters. It looked like a five star hotel. No, a six star hotel; there is no such thing as a six star hotel, but Wakanda made it happen. That's what Y/N thought, anyway.

Briefly, she wondered what Bucky thought of it. Was he staying in the same area? He could be across the lake for all she knew. The castle was huge and had extensions everywhere. She wondered if he felt lonely here. She wondered if he felt scared, or relaxed, or if he didn't care at all. She thought this was all a little intimidating. She was wary of getting lost as she followed the directions Shuri gave her yesterday.

Her hands found themselves fidgeting again as she continued walking. Before, she was standing by, assisting Shuri and Bucky when needed. Now, she was going to be sitting in a room alone with Bucky. One on one. This would be more personal. (Y/N) was again intimidated. Not by Bucky, but by the nature of their relationship. She just wanted to do well. She just wanted to do right by him.

-

Alone in a room, tips of fingers tapped restlessly on the arm of a chair. Simultaneously, while walking down the hall, tips of fingers tapped nervously on the side of a thigh.

(Y/N) stood up as a Wakandan royal-aid escorted Bucky into the room. Immediately, she noticed his eyes scanning over the room, undoubtedly and probably unconsciously surveying for exits, possible threats, etc.

A brain that never rests, she thought.

The two of them thanked the aid and bid him farewell before standing in an awkward silence.

"It's nice to see you again, Bucky. I trust you're doing well," (Y/N) cut the tension.

The eloquent politeness was a weird taste on her tongue. She put up with it.

Bucky offered a smile. "Yes, thank you."

It took her a second to realize they were still both standing.

"Oh! Please sit. We can get started."

There were two couches across from each other. One a deep green, the other a pale blue. They were a nice contrast again the walls, which were clad in beautiful Wakandan designs of various shades of orange, yellow, and red. Except for one. On the far end of the room was a huge glass window, taking up the entire span of the wall. There were two end tables on each couch, and a small desk in the one corner with a warm golden lamp. The room was calm and welcoming.

"So, today isn't gonna be huge," (Y/N) started. "It is our first session, so we'll just talk, ya know, settle in."

Bucky nodded.

"So, how have you been? Adjusting well? Hating it? Absolutely no opinion?"

There was then a slight lightheartedness in her professionalism. It helped to put him at ease.

Bucky looked at his hands. "I'm doing alright. This place still needs a little gettin' used to, but that's expected."

"That's good to hear." She smiled slightly. "Wakanda is... a lot for an outsider. I don't think it matters if you're from another century or not."

Bucky chuckled.

"To be honest, I don't even know what therapy really is. They didn't have much of it in the forties."

"Well, it can be pretty hard sometimes, so here's a fair warning. Especially seeing the stuff you went through, just be prepared for difficulty."

As soon as she mentioned this, his demeanor changed.

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess difficulty is to be expected... with me."

That last part was so quiet she almost didn't hear it.

"Hey," (Y/N) said softly, "difficult is fine. It just means a little extra work.

Bucky looked up at her.

His eyes are very blue.

"A little extra work," he repeated, thoughtfully. "I think can do that."

"Do you get escorted everywhere like you did earlier?"

"Pretty much, yeah. Security measure, I guess," Bucky shrugged.

"I can understand that. You don't look scary though."

He then looked very confused.

"Th...thank you?"

"I'm just saying-I feel like it would probably be fine to let you walk here by yourself. It's only a problem when you hear the trigger words, right?"

"I think so, but I can't be sure. Neither can they. It's best to just keep everyone safe."

"Safe from..."

"Me."

"Well, you look perfectly gentle to me. I think it's the Winter Soldier they want to keep at bay."

That threw him for a loop. Gentle. Never in Bucky's life has he been described as gentle. At least... he didn't think so. He wasn't overly trusting of his memory.

"Kinda the same thing, don't ya think?"

"No."

Simple and head first into the point. Bucky once looked confused at her sureness.

"No?"

"No. You and the Winter Soldier are separate. It's not like you decided to go down that road. You weren't given a choice."

"Yeah, I guess."

She didn't seem the least bit convinced of his answer, but she decided to leave it alone.

(Y/N) uncrossed and re-crossed her legs, changing the subject and the mood.

"So, tell me about Steve!"

"Steve?"

"Yeah, I mean he rebelled against like a hundred countries to help you. I assumed you guys were close."

"Well," he started, leaning back in his seat, "he's my oldest friend, and my only friend now, I suppose. Stubborn ass, isn't he?"

"Maybe," (Y/N) smiled. "Sometimes stubborn is good, though. I can admire that. He isn't easily pushed around, that I can tell."

Bucky nearly snorted. "You should've seen him back when we were kids. Pushed around was part of his daily routine."

She almost giggled. "Oh, man. Poor Steve. He was lucky to have you, I take it?"

"We were lucky to have each other. But an argument can be made in Steve's favor 'cause he always made me look good. Not even because he was small or whatever, but because he was always puttin' me in situations where I'd act like a hero. Ya know, savin' his ass in the back of an alley or somethin'."

He seemed to get more comfortable as he talked about things that made him happy. Familiarity and goodness opened him up like a blooming flower. (Y/N) wasn't sure how to describe the sight, but the word that came to mind was golden.

"Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun."

"Yeah..." Bucky trailed off with a smile, thoughts tinted by memories of the past. Memories of an easier time.

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask. What did you think of all the exams we did with Shuri? How was it for you?"

"There's so much... stuff, and I have no idea what any of it is or does. I mean, it's been fine so far, but I can't help feeling constantly... confused. And unaware."

"Is that uncomfortable? Being unaware?"

"Well it's not a pleasure, that's for sure," Bucky said with a slight chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck.

He seemed nervous.

"Does this place make you nervous, Bucky?"

"Nervous? I don't know if I'd say nervous, but it is a lot to take in."

"That is true. Is that why you looked around the room for exits when you first came in? And why you're sitting facing the door instead of having your back to it?"

Bucky straightened his back.

"Didn't realize you caught that," he shrugged. "Just a habit."

And the flower began to wilt.

"Do you do that in rooms that you feel comfortable in?"

"I-uh... I'm not sure."

"That's alright. It's called hyper-vigilance. You're on high alert at all times. It's a common symptom in PTSD."

"In what?"

Bucky began to wipe his hands on his knees.

"PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but we can get into all that in a later session."

"Do I... do I have that?"

"I think so," she answered calmly and surely, "but I'd wait 'til I got to know you before I formally made that diagnosis."

He glanced at the clock. A few dense moments of silence pass.

"Bucky?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

The blue in his eyes looked like ice. They were frozen. Most people think that in stressful situations the body activates the fight or flight response, but there aren't only two options. There's fight, flight, and there's freeze. Bucky was freezing.

The irony, (Y/N) thought.

He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and stood up abruptly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just-"

His head shot to the door and he wrung out his hands as his feet shifted in place. Mind undoubtedly going haywire trying to decide what to do.

"I think I need to go," Bucky said so fast he didn't realize he even said it.

He made a beeline for the door, restlessness all but pouring out of him.

"Buck-"

She couldn't get through the rest of his name before the door had open and shut, leaving her sitting alone on the couch.

Now she could check off freeze and flight...

-

PLS feel free to leave some feedback/constructive criticism, i’d really like to know what i can do to make this story better!

[buffyandwillow]

i finished season 2 of Never Have I Ever and i really enjoyed it!! the one thing bugging me right now, though, is fabiola's relationship with eve.

while i appreciate the positive intentions behind including canon lgbt relationships, so many of them end up feeling.......... how do i put it.............. insipid and lacking depth? i have a number of problems with eve, specifically, the first being i don't think i can describe a single thing about her outside of mentioning, like, media she enjoys? she likes the movie carol? also she wears a leather jacket i guess. lesbian love interests being sort of one-dimensional side characters while straight characters get to date people who feel more complete is a problem i've seen a bunch of times and i always find it grating.

the main thing that's bothering me, though, is that i don't think their relationship is portrayed as being especially healthy... but i think.... we are supposed to think it is? and i am all about seeing flawed relationships explored!! that's not the problem. the problem is that i am genuinely not sure if the narrative is aware of the flaws in their relationship or not. it is made pretty clear that the way paxton was treating devi was not healthy, and that the way that malcolm was treating eleanor was not healthy. but with fabiola and eve.... instead of eve being at all questioned, we got a love declaration? we got a "look how happy our girl is" scene? and i want to be happy for her! i do!! but i just couldn't buy it at all.

my specific problem with fabiola/eve is that fabiola is constantly making sacrifices in their relationship.... while eve (as far as i can remember) doesn't make any. imo sacrifices and compromises are often necessary in making healthy relationships last - but it can only be healthy if it's a balanced thing. eve doesn't seem to make much of an effort to hang out with fabiola's friends. fabiola, meanwhile, spends considerable time with eve's friends even while they make very little effort to get to know her or to include her in their conversations. because of that, fabiola never seems very happy to be with them... and eve clearly knows that she is uncomfortable! i think she might make a "hey, be nice!" comment to sasha... once? seriously, what? you let your friends belittle your girlfriend's interests for an entire season without sticking up for her? come on, eve. you can do better. and... biggest of all... fabiola unwillingly sacrifices her leadership of the robotics team - something that is so incredibly important to her - to win a popularity contest... for eve. and like, yeah, i know she thinks she's doing it for a good cause. but fabiola's the one who has to give up her club meetings and get an entire makeover (in which she presumably had very little say). fabiola's the one who has to literally become a different person in order to win. eve doesn't have to do shit all! and we are supposed to support this relationship? am i really supposed to believe that eve thinks that fabiola is the most beautiful person in the world? (i mean, she is. but that's not the point, because -) am i really supposed to believe that eve even knows fabiola? if she really had fabiola's best interests at heart, she would have found a way to petition for cricket queen & queen while incorporating fabiola's love of robotics into their ~campaign~. like i don't care if it's not cool?!?! be creative!! basically anyone can be convinced to think robots are cool. it's not fucking mission impossible!

anyway - it doesn't feel at the moment like it's something that's going be addressed. it kinda feels like something the writers didn't think very long and hard about. and that's my beef with season 2 at this very moment.

[marmosa]

hello 💕 i've just gone through your entire fred weasley and i absolutely love your writing and especially your dialogues, they feel v authentic and real xx i read that you have requests open so i'll leave you with an idea from my v detailed v self indulgent daydream cinematic universe starring fred weasley— post war (say a couple of years after) fred is the owner and manager of the hogsmead branch of the joke shop and sneaks into hogwarts to meet his fiancé, newly hired transfiguration (1/2)

thank you so much for the kind words and reading all my writing, i can’t begin to describe how much that means to me! i love the idea of fred sneaking into the castle to see his significant other, it’s so cute, i had to run a lap around my room just thinking about it. also in this house fred weasley never d worded, if you think he did, no he didn’t. also also, it got kinda sad at the end and i’m sorry, i didn’t mean for that to happen i- but anyways, hope you like it and thank you again for the compliment <3

word count: 1.6k

***

“Hey!”

Tink!

“Hey!”

Tink!

[y/n] looked up from the stack of papers arrayed on her desk and glanced around her study for the source of the noise, absolutely bewildered at who would possibly be bothering her at this hour. She prayed it wasn’t a student messing around with her, for she may have been a relatively new teacher but she wasn’t afraid to stand her ground against misbehaving kids.

The sound came again and this time she saw who it was her face lighting up before falling down as she scurried over to the window, unlatching the glass and pushing it open to find her fiancé sitting all high and mighty on his broom like this was a normal everyday occurrence.

“Fred Weasley! What in God’s name are you doing outside of my window? Why are you throwing stones at glass? Do you have any idea how high up I am?” She hissed, reaching for him, despite knowing full well he could only enter the room on his own accord.

He flew closer to the window and balanced himself on the ledge before grabbing her hand and hopping down onto the floor a giddy smile plastered on his lips, “I’m aware how high up this is, lest you forget I was one of the best Gryffindor beaters this school has ever seen.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You do realize you could just come in through the front doors right? McGonagall isn’t going to smite you down for visiting your fiancée,” she deadpanned, latching the window back shut.

“Whatever? If I recall correctly, me being on the quidditch team all those years back had you absolutely smitten, or am I wrong,” he retorted smugly, completely brushing past her statement about walking through the front doors.

[y/n]’s face fell into one of embarrassment as she pushed past him back to her desk, not wanting to fuel his ego any more than she usually did, “Even so, you still can’t be sneaking onto campus. Especially during school hours, you know how it is, I would rather you be turned away at the door than get escorted out by the collar of your robes.”

“But it’s always school hours! Honestly [y/l/n], your new position has really given you a stick up the arse,” He grumbled, leaning back against one of the desks across from hers.

“[y/l/n]?” She repeated, offense written all over her face. Despite not taking it to heart she decided to mess with him a bit for being so stubborn.

Fred’s face fell and he was quick to rush over and apologize, “You know that’s not what I meant! Technically you’re not a Weasley anyway until the paperwork is done legally, so I’m not wrong.”

“I’m telling Molly you said that and she’s going to ground you just like she did 6th year when you got caught nicking something from Filche’s office,” [y/n] pouted, sinking into her chair and crossing her arms.

“You’re terrible you know that,” Fred deadpanned grabbing her cheeks in his hands, “don’t you say a word to my mother or she’ll make me bake you a cake or something.”

“I would quite like that actually, maybe I will tell her,” she replied, biting back a smile.

“Oh, come on! You know George was the one who got all the baking skills! That’s why he’s in charge of all the candy at our shops!” Fred whined, squeezing her face together slightly to try and return the teasing.

“Even if it turned out burnt and gross, I’d still like it because you made it,” she stated plainly, leaning up to try and snatch a kiss.

“Rubbish,” He replied, indulging her and accepting the kiss, smiling down at her when she beamed up at him.

“Whatever you say Freddie, y’know-,”

“Mrs. Weasley? Are you here? I had a question for you.”

All the color drained out of Fred’s face as he recognized McGonagall’s voice from across the room, [y/n]’s features mirroring the same horror as she pushed him off her and shoved him under her desk so he was as out of sight as she could make him.

“Yes- yes! I’m here Minerva, how can I help you?” [y/n] stuttered out, sliding her chair in as far as she could without injuring her soon to be husband.

“Well, I wanted to ask how the preparations were coming along for the annual Christmas Ball? I know you’ve been kept busy with recent exams, but the plans are top priority if we want to keep the spectacular turn out of our ball the same,” McGonagall explained walking up to her desk.

“Oh! The plans are coming along just fine, I haven’t quite finished drafting them up yet, but as soon as I do I’ll have them brought to you right away for approval,”  [y/n] assured her, trying her best not to let on how nervous she now was, trying not to get Fred caught.

“Spectacular! And I expect to see you down in the Hall later? Professors have to arrive early today for some announcement preparation,” McGonagall continued, thankfully still unaware of the hidden person in the room.

“Of course, thank you for letting me know ahead of time,” [y/n] nodded, pretending to assort some papers on her desk.

“Lovely,” McGonagall smiled, heading out of the room, but stopping before she exited the room, “Oh, and tell Mr. Weasley that I say hello, he’s been rather quiet about his surprise appearances to our school recently.”

“Will do!” [y/n] called after her, releasing a breath she didn’t even know she was holding in as soon as the door shut.

“Okay, how come you get to call her Minerva?” Fred complained, crawling out from under the desk, no visible panic at McGonagall’s leaving statement.

“All professors do. Besides, you’re a trouble-maker in her eyes, a darling, but a trouble-maker, she wouldn’t dream of giving you that kind of power,” [y/n] giggled, reaching up to rearrange his  ruffled hair, as he’d decided to grow it out again once he’d graduated.

“Trouble-maker,” Fred muttered, rolling his eyes, “Well she’ll be seeing a lot more of me whether she likes it or not, so I’ll win that privilege, eventually.”

“Whatever you say darling,” she hummed, scooting back in to continue grading her papers.

“You’re ignoring me already?” he groaned, letting his chin rest on the top of her head, arms slinging over her shoulders.

“I’ve got work to do Fred, I’m a professor now. I’m surprised you even had time to visit me, you’re a business owner now after all, it always amazes me how you have the time for these spontaneous visits- not that I don’t appreciate them,” she assured him, setting down her pen and squeezing his hands.

“I own the business, so I get to make my hours, unlike you,” he replied, moving his head so he was peeking over her shoulder.

“Is that supposed to be bad?” she quipped, leaning her head against his shoulder so she could kind of see him.

“Bad for me! I miss you! You’re here far too much,” Fred mumbled, intertwining their fingers.

“Well winter vacation is coming up soon, so you’ll be seeing much more of me. Hopefully you don’t get too sick of me,” she giggled, pursing her lips when he passed her a suggestive grin, “Ah, don’t look at me like that, that is not what I meant.”

“But it is and you know it darling,” Fred hummed, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Don’t get too cocky or I’ll come up with extra work to keep me here,” she warned, a teasing lilt to her threat.

“You wouldn’t. Besides even if you did, I’d kidnap you against your will. Also you wouldn’t hurt Molly like that, she always expects you for family festivities,” he replied simply, knowing she would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with him.  

“You’ve got me there. You know me so well,” she sighed, reaching back so she could toy with the hair at the nap of his neck.

“I’d hope I know you well, you’re about to be my wife,” he chuckled, shutting his eyes at the sensation of her soft fingers against his skin.

“Touché, love, touché,” she hummed in agreement, her free hand twisting the engagement ring situated on his finger.

“Anyways, I should probably leave you to it, with your boring paperwork and grading and all,” he sighed, standing tall, her hands sliding away from him and into her lap.

“It’s not boring,” she frowned, crossing her arms across her chest defensively, trying not to cave but ultimately failing when he gave her a raised brow, “okay, maybe it’s a little boring.”  

“I knew it. No worries darling, I know you love it here, I’m only teasing. See you soon though?” He mused, brushing a stray hair out of her face.

“See you soon,” she replied, grabbing his face and pulling him down for a sweet kiss, relishing in one another’s company for their limited time together.

“Farewell my love,” he announced, grabbing his broom and pushing himself onto the window sill, “see you around.”

“Fred wait!”

He laxed the position of his broom and turned around, an adoring smile stretching onto his lips as she pulled him for one last sweet kiss, placing a small object in his hand.

“What’s this?” he asked as she peppered a few last kisses around his face, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her.

“It’s the locket you gave me, I finally put a picture in it, thought it was time to return it to you,” she smiled, stroking his cheek lovingly.

“You’re astounding,” he muttered, tucking the charm in his pocket, “I love you.”

“I love you too, bye Freddie,” she waved as he kissed her softly once more and took off into the setting sun, “see you soon.”

[just-my-thoughts-about-stuff]

Do you think Miguel was a good addition in regards to the larger narrative? (DEH Book spoilers below!!)

I’ll begin by mentioning I’m not actually finished with the DEH book yet, therefore I might not have enough context. So if that's the case, you can feel free to kindly let me know. But I skimmed pretty much all of Connor’s parts (not spoiling the parts related to the actual story, just wanted to learn about Miguel), and I needed to get my initial thoughts out.

From what little I've seen, it seems like folks in the fandom absolutely love Miguel. (A quick search on here makes that extremely clear). But currently my feelings are incredibly mixed.

Of course, from just a general a fan and/or character perspective, it’s wonderful that Connor had someone in his life he could turn to. Their relationship is fun, and interesting, and heartbreaking. Miguel for the most part seems like a lovely guy.

The main thing within the story itself that makes me question Miguel is when he belittles Connor for having a copy of The Little Prince. He might have meant nothing by it, it could have been a continuation of him saying that Connor was innocent, and he may have meant it positively, jokingly, and/or flirtingly(?). But, especially as Connor explicitly says he was making fun of him, it seemed like he was belittling him in a way that...really wasn't kind? Especially considering that Connor absolutely loves books, that’s a red flag for me. A friend who puts down the things you love, even in a joke...isn't truly a friend. I honestly thought Connor was going to describe how their relationship started to slowly decline from there, so I was rather shocked when next thing I know they’re woohooing. And that red flag moment never seems to be addressed. Why was that in there if Miguel was supposed to be a purely positive influence?

The other thing is him not saying anything when Connor took the fall for the weed. This isn’t too bad of an offense, but the fact that it sent Connor to rehab—and thus it drastically altered his life—and Miguel doesn’t seem to feel bad at all is questionable for me. Again, not too bad, but makes me give the side eye. (Though I might have missed something in my skimming).

But, more than anything…I currently honestly don’t think Miguel was a good addition specifically from a writing perspective.

I’m a writer and always look at things at least in some capacity from a writing perspective. If I’m looking at this from a purely fan standpoint, yes, of course we want Connor to be happy. This is something I could totally see being a cute fic where someone ships him with their OC and gives him some happiness.

But looking at it from a writers perspective, it doesn’t seem to improve the overall story.

One of the things that makes this story so beautiful to me is that Connor and Evan were in pretty much the exact same place mentally. They both didn’t have any friends, struggled with mental illness, with their relationships with their parents, their overall loneliness. DEH isn’t just Evan’s story, it’s Connor’s too. Some of it fabricated and some of it real, and part of what makes it interesting as an audience member is trying to figure out what was real. Connor fell victim to the loneliness in his head, and Evan almost did but ultimately made it out. Evan’s fabricated friendship is meant to go both ways. Both Evan and Connor didn’t have friends, and the true sadness is that they could have been friends if they realized they were such kindred spirits. Evan’s lie actually could have been real. They both would have wanted it.

Connor actually having a secret best friend, diminishes the power of the story at large so much for me. Because now Evan’s lie is just that. There’s no beautiful tragedy where they were both lonely and both would have wanted this friendship to be real. Connor already had a friend (more than a friend) and Evan was...kinda just a nuisance to him.

Connor's suicide wasn’t coming from the same place Evan’s attempt was—which, again, them both attempting suicide for similar reasons is something I always found beautifully tragic in the story. And Evan admitting that is, if not the climax, a climax. But...Connor wasn’t lonely over the summer just like Evan, he was lonely because he lost his boyfriend. He wasn’t struggling with his first day in the same way Evan was, feeling invisible, and succumbing to it. It seems like he was mainly missing his boyfriend, and that’s what he succumbed to. While definitely a valid reason to feel the way Connor felt, it removes beautifully tragic mirroring between him and Evan and weakens the greater narrative to me.

I was so excited when I learned that ghost-Connor would be narrating parts of the book. I loved getting to know him more, and I absolutely adored getting to hear his perspective on events that we don’t get to hear in any other version of the story. Within what's fake and what's real, Connor gets to tell us what's real, beyond what we imagined. That first chapter from Connor's POV where he wakes up dead is probably my favorite chapter in the whole book so far. I would have loved so much if ghost-Connor started talking about how he really wished he and Evan were friends. That we now get both sides of the tragedy where we never did before: here Evan is lying they they were friends, but genuinely desiring that, and here Connor is going “…I wish this were true too.” (I mean he sorta does say that but not to the extent I was thinking. It’s kinda an offhand “huh I guess that would have been interesting. Anyway back to Miguel.”).

But…like halfway through the book it’s no longer about Connor’s perspective on the story, it’s not about the mirroring, and the greater themes of the story—or honestly even just the story we know—we just get to hear about his adventures with his secret boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, they are interesting to read about. Like I said before, I feel like this would be a delightful fanfic. But I don’t feel like it adds a lot to the story at large, and honestly seems to detract from it.

Like I said, this is my initial skimthrough. My feelings could change later, especially when i have more context. But I honestly needed to vent. And I’d love to hear people’s thoughtful discussion on the issue, as I think it might give me a better perspective as I go through and read those parts again.

[muffinswritingstuff]

Just wanted to add a complete side note to the Turning Red conversation. Well, more like "share an opinion" inspired by it. An opinion that's not an opinion at all, more like a thought.

(A positive one, don't you worry. I absolutely adore that movie.)

Animation, being the magnificent form of visual media that it is, is great for a lot of things. Obviously.

But I only now realize how good it is for implementing subtle, yet meaningful details into your work.

(Realizations come to me once in a blue moon, don't judge me.)

Again, duh. And, considering how much time, effort and money goes into creating a single frame, of course they (The Art Gods) wouldn't want to waste it.

It's neat, though. You can do so much with just background elements, y'know? Just think of how many people got excited and genuinely happy thanks to those two characters with diabetes patches. And there was that one character in a wheelchair at the 4Town concert. (Sigh... Living the dream).

*

So, the reason I bring this up is, you could say, selfish.

It's just that I, as an ✨aspiring writer✨ , really struggle with that sort of stuff. I always feel that I'm boring the reader with too many words. I'm constantly afraid of actually writing out a main character's appearance, because, to me, it feels unnatural and "oh, look, look! this character has red hair, did you know that? you need to know that, because i said so!"

Y'know?

I know I shouldn't, I know every writer must face this beast of a task. But damn if they aren't eye-rolling – not in a mean way, in a Pavlov's Dog kinda way; especially in first person POVS.

How do I... justify my weird little feelings...

When you actually put stuff (be that appearances, descriptions, or even movements) into words – they take up space, they stay on that page/screen. It is therefore required of the reader to get to the end of this and that word pile if they want to continue with the story.

It puts the flow of the piece on pause. On such an awkward, "this is painful for the both of us, but it'll be worth it, i promise" pause, and it makes me squeezy.

But there's no such pause in movies! And that's so cool, I'm so jealous!

The viewer's brain processes what it sees so quickly, it requires absolutely no effort. You look at the main characters in Turning Red, and you know immediately what they're all about. The essence of that knowledge is thanks to *chef's kiss* character design, but the speed at which that knowledge plants itself in your brain mass is due to a single glance. In short: monkey brain need not wait and read if it can see.

And you don't need to describe every background detail... Or outfits... Or "the upturn of their lips"...

Again, I feel the need to state: I know how much goes into animation, or a single piece of art, or character design.

But (and here I'm being disgustingly selfish) it seems so much easier to put a description on paper using a pencil than it is a pen.

*

(We need to invent straight-from-brain projections. Capture those waves, code them, and make them real. Monkey brain's getting lazy.)

*

Recently, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm desperately trying to, like , imitate visual media with my writing.

(Which is physically impossible, it's a completely different medium, and I really should keep that in mind and use the advantages of said medium instead of poorly mimicing another... But l'm dying on this hill, it seems.)

Still. I meticulously describe movements and expressions exactly the way I picture them un my head – and the way they play in my head, you guessed it, flows like a cartoon.

Like, I'm a bad writer. I can't wax poetic about expressions or surroundings, I can't let a character go on a beautiful internal monologue about how they've been feeling for the past few days or something along those lines.

I just. Describe stuff. And I love describing stuff! But I cannot do it in a literary way, the pretty way.

And that inability comes not only from the lack of skill or experience, but from a certain sense of self-deprecation.

(Yay.)

I love reading and immersing myself in a world or a character's feelings.

Also, it really helps me when I understand who, when, where and how is speaking/acting. When I can't picture the people's faces or the room they're in, if they are having emotional conversations in a white void, it kinda takes you out, man. Doesn't it?

Then can I please stop freaking out every time I try to do that!

I feel great writing dialogues, they are fun and come more-or-less easy to me. But then I go, "Wait, the theoretical person reading this won't have this epic movie I have in my head right now to rely on to picture how exactly this conversation is flowing..." So of course I then try to add the necessary descriptions , but 😐. They take up so much space...

I shouldn't mention every twitch and blink, but oh how I want to.

But then it feels hollow - because I focused too much on the movement itself, not it's, like, meaning; empty - because l've neglected to describe those gosh darn surroundings; and meaningless - because, no matter how much I want to, those little twitches and blinks don't do anything. Yeah, they might provide characterisation (at least, I'd hope so), but they take up so much space...

*

That doesn't happen in animation, or comics, or movies. The surroundings, the expressions and the movements all fit in a couple of frames.

*

Yeah, I shouldn't complare them. But I might as well finish what I started.

(Dramatic.)

If I don't put in "meaningless details", if I weigh every word and sentence... I'll crumble under pressure, bestie. I'm already struggling, I don't wanna struggle some more... Apparently, I choose jealous suffering.

*

I'm treating my hypothetical readers as arrogant babies with short attention spans.

But, as probably Jesus once said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

With this probably-Jesus quote I am bearing my soul before you and admit that I am, in fact, an arrogant baby with a short attention span.

If there are no long words, complex emotions and beautiful literary devices, I turn into an annoying snob.

At the same time, on a completely different side of the spectrum, there are ✨chatfics✨. I love them. I eat that shit up. There's literally nothing, and it's so fun. Their humor carries them so hard, the jokes are essential to that particular genre of modern literature.

And guess who doesn't have neither the words and devices nor the jokes?

This aspiring writer.

P.S. Go do yourself a favor and watch Turning Red if you haven't, yet. It's a gem of comfort, it's totally worth it.

[izanagyan]

Ahh I'm too new to already be a bad influence lol but I will absolutely encourage you trying a shot sometime because it really is on a different level. And I adore honey jack, I usually keep some minis of that around to put in my tea when I need it. The flavor combo is unbeatable especially when you're sick. As a fan of being tipsy I was aware of the empty stomach routine lol I've just always held my liquor well and it takes a bit for me to really feel it so I like the money saving tricks 99% of the time.

Oh how nice that were skilled too! I've seen some circles of learning artist do some very questionable tattoos on each other but they were happy with them and that's what matters. What did you have done? Or what's your favorite one if you don't wanna share them all? I have 11 currently and lots more planned for whenever I can afford them but as you know they're expensive too 😩 but I also hope to give myself one that isn't small here soon.

I'm definitely hard headed and delusional sometimes lol but not in a way that I could pick myself up after hearing nothing but critiques all day, I take that stuff way too harshly/personally it's one of my biggest issues that I'm still working on. And 2 years can go by fast. As sucky as the pressure and the environment is I'm glad you can look at the skills you're learning as a positive thing. -🍥

yes, I know what you mean, putting it in your tea tastes really good, even though I'm not a big fan of tea. I also don't get drunk easily so it seems like we're both cursed here.

Yeah I've seen some really bad tattoos. It's normal not to be good at first but I can't stand tattoo artists who refuse to learn some basic things and become better at what they do. They did give me lots of big ass cool tattoos and one of which is my absolute favourite so far but I'd rather not describe it on here. Take your time with decorating your skin, there's plenty of room to cover. Don't rush it. They are expensive indeed but I think it's worth all the money.

True handling criticism is kinda tricky but you get used to it as you grow older. Yes time flies, I'm a third year and it seems like yesterday when I first got accepted

[loopy777]

Non-Review: Free Comic Book Day 2021 - The Legend of Korra (Also Featuring Avatar: The Last Airbender)

With all the hype around 'Suki Alone,' it looks to me like most of the fandom missed that an additional Avatar comic with a story from each cartoon's era was just released for Free Comic Book Day. You can read them for yourself on either Dark Horse Digital or Comixology where it's mislabeled as being for ages 17+ (free accounts are required for both), but I'm sure one of the reasons you all love me is because of my willingness to jump in between you and these comics like the deadly bullets they can be. Well, I'm happy to die (metaphorically) for the sake of (a little anonymous internet) love, so I'm doing a full snarky review for each ten-page story. Also, I'm bored, and it's more fun to make fun of mediocre stuff than to praise stuff I like.

It's time for me to review "Free Comic Book Day 2021 - The Legend of Korra (Also Featuring Avatar: The Last Airbender)" or more specifically "The Legend of Korra: Clearing the Air" and "Avatar: The Last Airbender: Matcha Makers."

CLEARING THE AIR

The cover makes this look like a story about Jinora and Ikki having a sibling conflict. That's a lie. The Air Sisters arguing is merely the inciting incident for Tenzin telling a story of his youth. I should note that, as inconsequential as the Air Sisters stuff is, it's actually written very well because it posits Ikki as a victim of circumstance and Jinora as a bully who terrorizes her little sister with threats of getting thrown in jail by Metalbenders for an accident, cementing the characterization from the cartoon. This is not sarcasm. I really do think Jinora is presented by LoK as a Holier Than Thou little snot who just so happened to be naturally gifted with magic spirit-powers, but for some reason the rest of the fandom doesn't agree with me.

Anyway, Tenzin comes in to find the arguing (and Meelo just running amok for the fun of it and so far these characterizations are perfect), and rather than telling Jinora to shut her stupid face, he delivers a tale of his youth about conflict resolution.

So the meat of the story is how, when Tenzin was "a few years older" than Jinora, a pair of vandals got onto Air Temple Island and burned some graffiti into the spinning-panel things that Korra will destroy out of frustration during her Airbending training. Literally, the vandals are depicted as scorching the wood with enough smoke to be seen across a plaza. Tenzin goes after the vandals and they flee across the bay back to Republic City proper (one of the vandals is a Waterbender with a surf-plank). Tenzin pursues, catches them, and attacks them hard enough to smash some dockside crates. They are all then arrested by Metalbenders and dragged before Chief Toph. She's going to let Tenzin go (yay Toph!) and throw the vandals in jail (YAY TOPH!) and makes this face, and this entire comic is worth it:

However, Aang arrives and instead arranges to forgo the jail-time in favor of an Air Nomad Conflict Resolution Ceremony. This is nice and in-character, but I'm totally with Tenzin that these vandals should have been thrown in jail. They literally burned insulting graffiti into antiques from a genocided culture. But instead, Aang demonstrates conflict resolution by having Tenzin explain why he's hurt and what needs to be done to redress the wrong. And so the vandals help Tenzin scrub the graffiti off the panels with water and rags and mops- how, I don't know, since they were literally burned.

They also do a ceremony thing where they each take turns bending their element into a central space between them to 'clear the air' (GET IT GET IT HA HA IT'S ALMOST LIKE A PUN BUT NOT), so it's a good thing they were all Benders because this is kinda racist. This fixes all the problems and everyone is friends. Yay!

In the present, though, things are not so nice, because Tenzin's kids are still screaming at and provoking each other. Korra comes in with Asami at the end to ask what's going on, and Asami says nothing, so I still think everyone is characterized with perfect consistency with the cartoon.

I made this sound silly, but (aside from the spinny-panels getting cleaned with a little water and elbow-grease, which doesn't matter because Korra will eventually blow them all up anyway), I actually like this one. It has Tenzin demonstrate how much he's always had to work to be the Perfect Air Monk that everyone expects him to be, and Aang acknowledges how this is unfair but that Tenzin will never let him down no matter what. It also has Katara come in at the end (for just one line, boo!) to acknowledge that this was an especially easy little conflict for Tenzin to practice on and he'll eventually face worse. I found it a nice adult moment in a story that's otherwise clearly aimed at 8-year-olds.

The art is good. It's simpler than the LoK cartoon, with flat colors, but it captures the story and has enough liveliness for everyone's character to come across in their look and body-language. The brief action-sequence where Tenzin attacks the vandals is well done, moving quickly but showing the full flow of the fight and every move Tenzin makes.

MATCHA MAKERS

Apparently, "Matcha is finely ground powder of specially grown and processed green tea leaves, traditionally consumed in East Asia" according to Wikipedia. I had to look that up. I'm curious how many people understood the full reference in the title, especially since these comics are aimed at kids too young to be allowed on the internet.

This is a very simple story about Iroh in his tea-shop in Ba Sing Se. He has an assistant/waitress named Feng, a new character who wears glasses, ruining the hopes and dreams of all the fanfic-writers who were so sure he'd rescue Jin from the Lower Ring. A frequent patron of the tea shop is an elegant, older lady (very clearly Upper Ring material) named Li-Mei, who cannot go a single panel without giving Iroh a HEY BIG BOY look. She is very clearly smitten. Also, I feel the need to clarify that she knows his name is Iroh, so apparently Ba Sing Se is okay with the Dragon of the West serving tea to their wealthy. I don't say that as a criticism, I'm just noting it.

That night, Iroh meets up with his friends- the Pokemon-style spirits that we saw in Legend of Korra. (I don't know if they're the actual spirits from LoK, or just new spirits in the same style. This is because I would sooner grind matcha into my eyes than rewatch Book Spirits.) He serves them his special blend of tea and talks about how he's totally into Li-Mei but isn't going to pursue it because he's feeling old and doesn't want to take a risk. At this point, I could stop describing the plot because between the title and what I've said so far, I'm sure you could figure out every single plot beat that will follow.

The next day, the spirits trip Feng so that she drops Li-Mei's tea and Iroh needs to bring a replacement, and they've drawn hearts on top of the replacement tea with foam or sugar or milk or whatever. I don't know because I've never bought tea in a place that will even put the bag in the hot water for me. Iroh gets out of the situation without starting any love-affairs and runs into the back to tell the spirits to knock it off, dudes, they're totally embarrassing him! The spirits respond by giving him a flyer for a romantic restaurant. I don't know how they got it, so I can only assume that some Upper Ringer had their mail diverted.

Iroh refuses, so when Li-Mei orders more tea and he brings it to her, the spirits hover just out of her sight and threaten to smash the furniture. I am not making that up. They literally threaten to smash Iroh's furniture unless he asks the lady out. He submits to their tyrannical threats, Li-Mei happily accepts the date, he happily accepts her acceptance, and the story comes to a close. Iroh thanks his spirits friends for opening him up to new experience, but hopes that next time (so I guess Iroh is signing up for Tinder after this?) they won't threaten his shop.

At best, I can describe this story as 'harmless.' But it's been a long week and I just got a bunch more extra work at my day job that I really don't want to do, so I'm going to go ahead and call this story 'dumb.' It's rote, leans towards humor without actually being funny at all, and turns the spirits of the setting into Pokemon. And not even the cool dragon kind.

The art is strangely stiff. The coloring is soft and nice, but the drawings seems more 'assembled' than actually drawn. I swear there are even a few panels that reminded me of 'How I Became Yours' with janky poses, horrifying expressions, and just enough resemblance to the original cartoon to make me think a screenshot was partially traced and then ruined. (I'm not accusing the artist of tracing, BTW. I wouldn't even condemn the artist for tracing if they did. I'm just describing that HIBY feeling I got.) It was so stiff that rather than hear Iroh's dialogue in Mako's rich tones, I instead imagined Greg Baldwin doing a stiff Mako-impression with no naturalism to the delivery.

This story is definitely worthy of its "Also Featuring" billing. I'd rate it below Gene Yang's Mai and Suki FCBD short stories, but above everything else he wrote for Avatar.

So there you go. Overall, this is very middle-of-the-pack for Avatar FCBD stuff. It's very much of the nature of the 'Team Avatar Tales' stuff, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Iroh story was a leftover from that project. On Free Comic Book Day, you often get what you pay for.

[lousimusician]

Sex Pollen Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Summary: You and Peter decide to break into your dad's lab when Peter comes across an interesting plant.

A/N: This is me aggressively ignoring the events of endgame by writing something with Peter. Also I think that movie fixed my writers block because I've been writing nonstop this whole week.

Warning: Language, smuttyish(kinda)

[Peter and the Reader are both 18]

------------------------------------

Peter quietly observed you while you were hunched over your desk in the corner of your room, playing around with a piece of technology you stole from your dad.

Peter was currently on the ceiling, looking down at you. He was incredibly bored and as much as he loved to just admire you while you concentrated, he couldn't stand the silence that came with it.

He watched as you quietly got frustrated and leaned back in your chair, head back and eyes closed. Peter took this as his que and slowly lowered himself, upside down from the ceiling by a web. He stopped once his face was leveled to yours. He watched as you took in calming breaths, and the little furrow in your eyebrows form, telling him that you were thinking.

To say he was completely and utterly crazy for you was an understatement. Peter was head over heels for you and was pretty sure he'd die for you if it came down to it.

He felt his cheeks redden as he realized he may have been gazing for a little too long and realizing how creepy that was, decided to break the silence by saying, "I'm bored."

Your eyes shot open as you sat up quickly, banging your head against Peter's. "Oww." You whined. You pushed your chair back, putting some distance between the two of you so you could see him better. "Peter! Don't scare me like that."

Peter smiled sheepishly, rubbing the spot on his forehead that you bumped. "Sorry but, I'm bored." He said again.

You shook your head, fighting the smile that tugged on your lips. "Then go do something."

"Like what?"

"I dunno, be Spider-Man. I'm sure there's someone that needs to be saved." You said, maneuvering around him, to pick up the tech you were playing with. "How do you do that?" You said, referencing his position, "Doesn't all the blood rush to your head?"

"No." He said simply. "I don't wanna go out. I want to hang out with you."

"Aren't you literally doing that right now though." You smirked. As you admired the wiring you were staring at. 

"Ha ha ha." He said sarcastically. "I mean, I want to do something fun."

You looked into his puppy dog eyes and immediately found yourself giving in. "Fine," you sighed. "How 'bout a movie?"

"I dunno, we always watch movies."

"Okay then do you wanna go out or something?"

"No." He said shaking his head. "Whenever we go out together you get too much attention."

You paused. "...Well, my dad has been working on a new suit for you, if you wanna check it out."

"Wait really!?" Peter suddenly exclaimed, jumping up, which caused him to fall down on the ground, making you laugh loudly. "Shut up." He grumbled.

"Anyway, how does sneaking into Tony Stark's lab sound?"

"It sounds great, let's go!" He said, excitedly jumping up and grabbing your wrist, pulling you with him.

~~~~~~

While the two of you were scheming on how to break in. Bruce Banner had currently been the only occupant of the lab.

He stood with a gas mask on his face as he studied a plant in front of him.

A week ago, the Avengers had gone on a mission after a few aliens landed on earth and claimed they wanted to "Take over the planet". It had been pathetic really, the aliens were wiped out in half an hour.

But while on this mission, after Hulk had finished "smashing" the last of the aliens, he had reverted back to himself. Finding that Hulk had taken him onto one of the alien ships.

Bruce looked around at the strange tech, while he stood up, already heading for the exit. That was until something had caught his eye and started to draw him in like a moth to a flame. 

It had been a plant.

It stood tall, about seven feet in height. It was absolutley beautiful. It had pink flowers that mimicked the shape of a heart and it was quite literally glowing.

Bruce touched the plant, his fingers coming back covered in a pink dust, which he naturally assumed was the flowers pollen. He leaned in, realizing it smelled familiar.

But the strangest thing happened after.

His heart started to practically beat out of his chest and before he knew it Hulk had come back.

Once he had calmed down and turned back into himself an idea struck him. He quickly plucked a flower off the plant and stuck it in a box that he found in the corner of the ship.

Not a single Avenger questioned why he now carried a box with him on the ride home.

And now a week later, Bruce stood in front of the plant which had grown two feet after it had been replanted, running tests on what exactly it could be.

"Ah Banner." Thor's booming voice sounded, as he stepped into the lab. "I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to-" Thor stopped, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he looked at the plant that sat in front of Bruce. "Why do you have that plant?" He asked genuinely curious.

Bruce looked up at Thor, surprise written all over his face. "Wait, you know what this is?" He said, voice muffled by the mask. He stepped around the table to approach Thor.

"Of course." Thor said, mildly offended. "Where did you get this?"

"Found it after the mission last Friday. It made me turn into Hulk, so I figured it could be useful if Hulk ever chickens out on me again." Bruce quickly explained. "What kind of plant is it?"

"It's called a Sex Pollen Plant." Thor said, stepping around Bruce to approach the plant. "It belongs to that specific race of aliens we fought. The plant helps the aliens to breed since they find it very difficult on their own."

Bruce scrunched his face in shock. "What does it do?"

"The pollen arouses the alien that breathes in the pollen- that may be why you turned into the Hulk, it raised your heart rate. I'm immune to it of course."

"Wait- I brought a sex plant into the compound." Bruce asked in shock, utterly horrified of his own judgement on the situation.

"Yes and I suggest you get rid of it. I have heard the affects of the pollen on a human could be very severe."

"H-how do I get rid of it?"

"Hm, I suppose I'll do it then. How have you been able to contain it?"

"I had this box I took from the alien ship, but it's too big now, so I've been putting it in one of the quarantine rooms just in case."

"Alright, come with me. I may have something that can help dispose of it safely." 

"Okay, let me just lock up the lab." Bruce said.

The two of them stepped out of the room and Bruce pulled off his gas mask once the lab was locked.

Thor and Bruce headed towards the elevator, walking through the living room where the two spotted you and Peter sprawled out on the couches. They shot you two a greeting before leaving.

Peter's head snapped towards you. "I can't believe sending in Thor actually worked. Do you think either of them know what we're planning?"

You smiled, shaking your head. "No, I was too vague when I told Thor to get him out of the lab, and I love the guy but he isn't exactly the smartest person I've met. Now let's go, I don't know how long we've got." You said, trailing ahead of him.

You easily unlocked the lab, Peter following behind you.

As usual the lab was filled with tables with piles upon piles of weird tech, ranging from projects your dad or Bruce had been working on to discarded scraps that should've been tossed or moved out.

You immediately got distracted from the task at hand when you spotted one of your father's latest projects, "Alright, go find your suit." You muttered, walking towards the table.

Peter looked around the lab, trying to find some sign of the new suit he'd hopefully be getting soon. But to be honest, it was a bit of a wreck. With two scientsist's working there, the lab got a bit messy. So instead of Peter being able to locate the suit, which actually was placed nicely in the back of the room, his eye was drawn towards something else.

And it was beautiful, and definitely something he's never seen before.

Off to the side was a plant that had stood at two feet. Pink and glowing. And it was as if he couldn't control his movements while he walked towards the plant.

Now standing in front of it, his finger traced the petals of the glowing flowers, making his index finger come back with a pink dust on it, which he could only assume was its pollen.

He leaned in, breathing in it's scent.

He expected a normal flowery smell but, instead it smelled like you.

He pulled away for a second, and narrowed his eyes at the plant in confusion. But only for a few seconds, before being compelled to smell it once again.

Peter's eyes fell closed as he let the scent dance around him. There was no other way to describe it other than it being completely you.

Sweet and calming. It smelled like lavender and jasmine, with a hint of peaches, your perfume, your body wash, your shampoo, and that very specific scent that belonged to you and only you.

Peter was completely lost in it, breathing in deeply, treating it as if it was a drug he could never get enough of. The different layers of your scent completely engulfing him, making him feel warm and content.

His chest blossomed with warmth that spread down all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes and to the very crown of his head, that made his whole body feel like it was buzzing.

But he snapped out of the trance he was in when he felt a rush of blood travelling south. He tensed up, quickly turning around to see if you were still distracted.

He turned back around and backed away from the plant. And that was when he had noticed his spider senses had been going haywire. The hair on his arms standing up straight as goose bumps rose.

And whatever the plant had did to him was getting worse.

He felt warm, too warm. Like he'd start to melt soon.  

He leaned on the table behind him, panting. A flood of arousal coursing through him. 

From the end of the lab you heard Peter's panting breaths, causing you to look up and see his hunched over form leaning on the table behind him, sliding onto the ground.

"Peter?" You asked in concern. "You okay?"

He groaned at the sound of your voice, his eyes shut tight, trying to gain control of himself. But it wasn't working, inappropriate thoughts flooded his mind immediately wandering to what you would sound like letting out high pitched whines and moans of his name with that same voice, while he bent you over one of the tables and pounded into you hard.

He moaned at the thought, your eyes widening in shock at the sound not quite sure if he was in pain.... or if it was something else.

You stared at what was in front of him on the table, and knew whatever it was was the cause of Peter's state right now.

You quickly ran over, crouching down next to him.

You gasped, "Oh my God." His face was bright red as a thin layer of sweat collected on his skin. He was out of breath, eyes screwed tightly shut. But what caused your own face to turn red was the very prominent buldge in his pants. You cleared your throat. "Peter can you hear me?"

He slowly opened his eyes but immediately wished he hadn't, his pupils blown wide at the sight of you. Eyes trailing over every bit of exposed skin on your body, just picturing what it would feel like pressed against his own.

"(Y-Y/N)." He stuttered out a whine. "I-I-...S-something's...happening."

"Oh, shit." You cursed.

Peter wanted nothing more in that moment to pull you down into a kiss and pin you to the floor, grinding his hips into yours, but he still had enough mind to know how wrong that would be.

"Okay, alright, okay. This is what I'm gonna do." You said frantically. "I need to find Bruce-"

"No... d-don't go.." He didn't know why but he knew that if you left, it would only get worse. That even just your presence made him feel a little better and that he might just go insane if you left him. "Please... s-stay.."

It was too overwhelming, instead of his senses being dialled to 11 it felt like they were at a fucking 20 now. Hyperaware of you and only you, every movement, every breath, the beating of your heart, everything.

"What? B-but Pete-"

A gasp cut you off. Your head snapped towards the doorway, where Thor and Bruce stood.

"Thor, the kids got in." Bruce said in terror.

"B-Bruce!" You yelled in relief. "I- I don't know what's wrong with him- he just sorta collapsed, and he's acting really strange."

"Oh no, oh no, oh no, this isn't good." Bruce said rushing over to Peter. "Thor how do we fix this."

Thor looked down at him in pity, standing next to Bruce who was crouching on the opposite side of where you were. "The only known cure for someone who has been contaminated by a sex pollen plant is, well..sex."

Your head snapped towards Thor. "W-What?" You shrieked. "Is that what that thing is?" You started yelling angrily.

"Yes, and it must be with whoever's scent he smelled on the plant."

"Oh for fuck's sake, who brought a sex plant into the tower!"

"F-fuck, (Y/N)." Peter moaned loudly, eyes training on your figure. Getting more aroused at just how fucking hot you looked when you were mad. 

"Ah," Thor said, coming to a conclusion. "And it would seem that it would be you Lady (Y/N)."

You cleared your throat, opting to ignore Thor's last comment. "Okay what are we gonna do?" 

Thor looked at you in surprise, "Lady (Y/N) do you not know what sex entail-"

"Shut up Thor. I know how it works- but there's gotta be another way to help him." You gulped, looking down at him.

Bruce sighed, "I think- I think I'm gonna have to tell your dad. I'm pretty sure this isn't something I can fix in an hour by myself."

You huffed. "Fine, but we can't leave him here. Let's take him to his room."

You reached out and grabbed his arm, but at the loud moan he made due to the skin to skin contact you let go.

"I probably should have mentioned." Thor started. "That you shouldn't touch him."

"W-what? Why?"

"(Y/N) Please." Peter whined, trying to grab your wrist but you quickly pulled it out of reach.

You looked up at Thor. "It'll make him," Thor paused searching for the right word. "Eager? And you don't want that if you plan on looking for another cure- see he's trying to touch you now." 

Thor was right, just that small bit of skin to skin contact seemed to have sent Peter into a frenzy. Your head snapped down at him, as you realized he was just about to put his hand up your skirt. You quickly grabbed his hand, holding it in a tight grip so he'd stop getting handsy. Your other hand quickly grabbing his free one too as it came nearer.

"Fine, then Thor take him to his room."

"N-no." Peter stuttered. "Please, I-I need you." He said as Thor picked him up, making you let go of the hold on his hands. "No! Let go!" He yelled at Thor. "(Y/N)!"

Thor headed for the door while Peter began struggling violently in his hold.

Bruce shook his head. "Tony is not gonna like this."

You scoffed. "Y' think?"

------------------------------------

Permanent Taglist:

@Spiderdudeparker @peterparkers-waffles @smexylemony @Ultimategalaxyprogram @xxxxdelenaxxxx @chonisberonica @meaningoflifeisfandoms @aegis-s-s @Just-random-stuff-18 @etherealhollandd @yourwonderbelle @roi-yang @ironspiderstark @runningoutofwordstosay @retroparkers @marvelismylifffe @marvelhoeingismyhobby @thebadtruth @loud-binch @cosmicparkerr @thechickvic @magiclolipopqueen @httpmcrvel

P.P. Taglist:

@cosmicparkerr

[punderfulowl]

Top 10 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2019

Three months late than never, I guess? There has been a LOT going on in my life and recent developments going on in the world doesn’t help things. However, I recently found a bit of a silver lining to help me back up onto the positive side of things and I hope to turn this into momentum.

With that said, I want to explain the rules of my end of the year list. As the title shows, this list won't be a showcase for the best anime that came out last year, but rather the best anime that I happened to view last year. I’m not the first to make a list in this format, but I find it fun to do so. 

Okay, let’s finally put 2019 to bed! Starting with...

10. Lord El-Melloi II’s Case Files (2019)

Once again, something Fate-related graces its presence on my end of the year list. Sure, being simply what it is gives it a good chance to make it on here, but what made it earn its spot, at least for me, is that this anime gave me a pleasant detour of what I’m used to from the Fate franchise. In short, this anime expands on the Fate lore, specifically on the mages of the Clock Tower, through eyes of an older Waver Velvet (Fate/Zero) as he solves magical mysteries with his Saber-faced partner, Gray. There’s no earth shattering revelations here, but, like I said, it’s a fun detour with magic, decent fight scenes, world building, and some “feels” if you stay till the end of the series. 

9. Humanity Has Declined (2012)

Well, isn’t this the most colorful post-apocalypse ever? 

Humanity Has Declined takes place on a post-apocalyptic world where the human population is down, resources are scarce, and tiny being called “Fairies” seem to be everywhere. The show is episodic in nature, but it doesn’t need to be anything more than that. After all, we don’t always need some deep commentary with a story that takes place after the world ends. Sometimes we just want to see how the remaining inhabitants live their lives in this soothingly-colored environment. If only Covid-19 was more colorful...

8. Shigofumi (2008)

What if you suddenly found yourself in the afterlife and had the opportunity to write one last letter to someone that’s still alive? Who would you send it to? What would it say? Shigofumi takes place in a universe where these happen and, well, there’s not much else I can say about it. Full disclosure, I can get pretty sappy when it comes to stories that involve heartfelt letters. I’m not doing a good job at convincing you to seek this anime out, but please give it a chance.

7. Kakegurui (2017)

Yeah, jumping from a show that tugs at my heartstrings to a show that scratches my head, here’s Kakegurui!

Kakegurui takes place at a prestigious (you guessed it) high school where your place in the social order is decided on gambling. Me trying to describe anything that happens in this anime won’t do it justice. It’s nuts, but it has my respect despite the violence and fan service. A philosophy I have for stories like these is if you’re gonna go crazy, go all in and it surely does. If any of this doesn’t appeal to you, at least check out its OP because it is, as the kids say these days, a “bop”.

6. Aggretsuko S2 (2019)

When putting this list together, trying to figure out what I’d rank where, and coming up with what I wanted to say for each, I decided to add a new rule: No more sequels. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never watch new seasons of a show, but I just won’t include them on the lists for now on. 

With that said, Aggretsuko season two was more of what made me a fan since last season: relatable scenarios for us twenty-somethings. Season two decided to focus on the struggles of romantic relationships and even though it was touched upon in the previous season, it went a little deeper this time.

5. Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl-Senpai (2018)

This anime fascinates me in more ways than one. In the biggest way, I consider this show to be on par with the movie, “Cabin in the Woods,” because fans of both have done a good job without giving anything away. To keep this (kinda) tradition up, I will also not say too much. I WILL say that I loved the dialogue and dry sense of humor. Please watch this so you can be in on this, as well!

4. The Rising of the Shield Hero (2019)

I didn’t watch this because it was recommended to me, I watched it because people kept making memes from it.

The Rising of the Shield Hero surprised a lot of anime fans considering that it was ANOTHER isekai, but it just goes to show that an overexposed genre still has room for the occasional compelling story. I was originally going to put this in the top three, but decided to dock it a spot out of precaution. It has another season coming up which means a whole season to screw this up...please don’t screw this up!

3. Infinite Ryvius (1999)

It’s Anime Lord of the Flies in Space. Yes, it’s better than it sounds.

Infinite Ryvius follows a big group of students living and learning in a space station, but one thing leads to another and now these kids have to fend for themselves. The biggest strength this anime has is how lived-in the environment feels. You get to see all these minor characters live their lives whenever the camera isn’t focused on the main cast. It’s also nice to look back on the amazing 90s animation. Take some time for this underrated classic when you get the chance!

2. Made in Abyss (2017)

“Don’t judge a book by its cover,” indeed.

I was definitely one of those that went into this thinking this was going to be a cutesy adventure, but coming out the other end being several shades of wrong. The abyss is a strange and fascinating world that, in a way, becomes a character in its own right. Can’t wait to learn some more when the movie comes out!

1. Hunter x Hunter (2011)

I’ll admit that Hunter x Hunter being number one on this list is a bit unfair, but it’s also earned. For a long time, HxH was one of those shows that I would hear about here and there, but never anything in-depth. Any art I would see came across as colorful with nothing that would stand out to me. What would eventually get this anime on my radar, oddly enough, was a bit in an AMVHell. Skip ahead to about this time last year and I would finally give show a try. I don’t remember ever coming across a fictional world that’s this thought out. The rules of the power structure alone is enough to floor me. The characters are likable as well as interesting. The animation is consistent throughout. GAH! Please check this out if you haven’t. This very well may be the best shounen anime ever made!

[voxofthevoid]

i still haven't read the epilogue of the hero's shoulders yet even though i've been looking forward to it since forever but i'm moving to another country for at least a year in less than a week and i foresee possible dark and stressful days ahead, so should i save this gem for when i really need it or should i read it and rejoice nowwww (sorryyy i know you probably can't answer this for me, i guess my real point is that i know for sure that your works brighten up my days no matter how they start off, and esp. the hero's shoulder aka MAH FAVVVV and i'll be sad but happy but sad?? to see it end) 💙💜 hmm instant pleasure or delayed pleasure

i also hv a kinda specific question? You've said that you tend to relate with Steve more, and you are a top yourself, and that's a reason why you write top!Steve. So i've just been curious about how you get into Bucky's headspace in some of your writing choices (because there are quite a few fics from Bucky's POV in CGTBTKM & the hero's shoulders & tear me to pieces that i just absolutely ADOREEE and am IN AWE with) and write his thoughts and experience SO BRILLIANTLYYYYYY, and how do you usually decide whose POV to adopt in a fic/a series? (i hope this Q isn't offensive and that I haven't misinterpreted what you said before, but if i did i'm genuinely sorryyyyy i'm only asking because through your writing i can identify with Bucky so soooo much and i'm just like howwwww *incoherent screaming*) 🖤💛

Good luck with your move!! That does sound hella stressful. Stay safe ❤

And thank you so much! It never gets any less surreal - in the best possible way - to hear that 😍

Now, onto the very specific question.

First, it’s not offensive at all! And you haven’t misinterpreted anything dw. I can kinda understand what prompted the question, though I’m not sure I can explain it because I just...do?

The simplest answer I have is - they’re stories. Getting into headspaces that are utterly alien to me is the norm. The sex I write does have elements of my own taste and the D/s, kinks, and positions are a big part of that; there are also general experiences and emotions I’ve drawn from my own life or things I’ve observed.

However - and sorry, I couldn’t find a better analogy 😂 - it’s kind of like these influences all go into a blender (my brain) and come out as unrecognizable goop (the story). At the end of the day, regardless of whether or not I relate to Steve (or Yuuri or Eren or Will or...), the character that gets put on page has less to do with me-the-person than me-the-writer.

I have a feeling this is too roundabout, but I don’t really know how to explain it, so I’ll try another, less lame method.

I almost always write about romantic relationships that are full of burning passion and blind devotion. Characters who’re ride or die, who’d burn the world for each other, who are inextricably wrapped up in each other. I try to make it as immersive as possible. And from the feedback I’ve got so far, you guys like how I write that.

But everything I described is personally revolting to me. I’m aromantic. I almost never form intense platonic relationships either. I gleefully run the hell away from commitment. Having someone take up my time and space on a permanent basis is my personal horror story.

Yet, here we are.

I’m still not sure if I’ve answered your question welp. 

But I might have a clearer response to your other question - I adopt POVs depending on important scenes that form in my head before the writing begins. They’re usually from a particular POV, and and thoughts and feelings of that character are usually integrated into the narrative flow. I do sometimes - though rarely these days - use multiple POV in a fic when that’s the way a story needs to be told.

(I think it comes down to me being an instinctive writer who doesn’t actually stop to consider the finer details before jumping headfirst into the fire)

[shawnpetermuffins]

Too Close to You

' @luke-skywalkin : so I’m currently obsessed with jealous needy shawn sooo can u write one🥺'

Warnings: swearing, slight angst, mentions of smut

A/n: I got a little carried away with this, I think. But I kinda like it. I've also never written a full jealous!shawn so I hope this is okay.

Summary: Shawn thinks his friends like you a little too much and he's not handling it well.

Requested: yes.

***

I love to hang out with Shawn and his friends. Ever since Shawn introduced me to them, I'd felt like part of the group. We all have inside jokes with each other, and when Shawn is out on tour and I can't be there with him, the guys always invite me to go out with them. Of course I agree, because let's face it, they need a wing-woman, because they have a difficult time getting girls for themselves.

So, yes, we're close. Which is why it doesn't bother me when Jon pulls me into his lap while we're at Brian's, all of us just drinking and having a good time. Just like it doesn't bother me that he's tickling my sides or playing with my hair. In fact, I lean into him because it feels nice, and with two cups of whatever strong, alcoholic concoction Matt had cooked up, it's not like I was in any position to sit straight for long periods of time.

Shawn's standing in the doorway, staring at me, and in my sober state, I would be able to tell that he's standing way too straight and that his jaw is clenched in that way it does when he's angry. But tipsy me does nothing about it, only takes the cup from Jon's hand and sips it.

“God, I need to get laid,” Brian exclaimed, plopping down next to us and pulling my feet into his lap.

“That's not all life is about, you know. Why don't you look for something real. Someone smart, and funny, and beautiful,” Shawn said, sitting on the coffee table in front of us. He's nursing the bottle of water in his hands - deciding that if I'm drinking tonight, he wouldn't be.

“Easy for you to say when you literally just described your girlfriend,” Matt said from the arm rest next to my head. “You seriously got the hottest, smartest, funniest woman on earth. What's even the point in the rest of us looking?”

My cheeks flush red and I let out a soft “Awwwe! Matty, that was so sweet!” I take a hold of his arm and he looks down at me. “C’mere.”

He leans down and I press the softest, quickest kiss to his lips before pulling away. Neither of us think anything of it. Shawn does, that's apparent in the way he crosses his arms over his chest, and sharply inhales through his nose.

“Okay, I need another drink. Let me up guys,” I pat Jon's chest and Brian swings my legs to the ground for me. I steady myself, both Matt and Shawn holding their arms out for me to grab. I stumble lightly into kitchen to fill up my cup. I'm in there a couple minutes, listening to the music that's now muffled - still loud, of course. But muffled, nonetheless.

I'm about to go back to sit with Jon when a tug on my arm pulls me in the opposite direction. Shawn's head rests against my stomach and my hand very instinctively goes to his hair. He hums, his hands resting on the pockets of my super skinny jeans. I swat at his hands when he kneads the covered flesh.

“Shawn, we're in public.”

“We're in Brian's living room. That's hardly considered public.” He's looking up at me, his curls flopping over his forehead, lashes brushing just under his eyebrows and I'm swooning.

But the moment ends much too soon when Brian pulls me back in, this time squished between him and Jon. “Smile!” Matt says, hiding behind Brian's Polaroid.

I close my eyes - knowing just how drunk I'd look if I kept them open - and smile wide, baring my teeth. I feel two sets of lips on me before the flash goes off and when I open my eyes, I see Shawn standing, his ears red, breathing heavy.

I push myself off the couch, best I can and brush my hand against his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Let's get out of here,” He pinches the bridge of his nose.”

“Shawn.”

“Y/n. I'm tired and I want to go. Please,” he says through gritted teeth. The boys aren't paying any attention to us.

I sigh, “Okay.”

The goodbyes are quick, Shawn's hand never leaving my back pocket. I didn't even hug the guys before he was rushing me to the car, faster and little more forcefully than usual. His breathing still hasn't calmed, even after a few blocks.

“Bubs, what's wrong?” I ask when we're nearer to the condo.

“We really need to limit the time we spend with the guys.”

“What? Why?”

He scoffs and looks at me, only for a second before turning back to the road. “They're all over you, for fucks sake.”

“They are not!”

“And you're not doing anything to stop them! You're encouraging it, even!”

“Are you serious right now?” I hiccup, the only clear sign that I've drank a little too much tonight.

“Am I serious?” he's fuming, turning onto our street. “Yes, I'm fucking serious! What was that kiss with Matt? You initiated it!”

“It was less than a second! It didn't mean anything.”

“Well it did to me!” He sets the car in park and is out before I can even say anything back.

I get out of his jeep, rushing after him, “Shawn!”

“Those are my friends, y/n!” He says, opening the door to the condo. “My best friends!” He continues when the door closes behind me. “And they're over here talking about how hot you are and how they wish they had someone like you. And you let them. You let them say those things and you let them touch you and kiss you and it fucking hurts! You're my girlfriend! Mine! And it really doesn't help that you wear those tight jeans, and low cut shirts because you're leaving very little to the imagination. They shouldn't get to see that.”

“You’re getting jealous over nothing. They don't get to have me, Shawn! You do!”

“Then why don't you act like it?! I'm never here, y/n! I'm never fucking here. But they are!” He gestures like they're in the next room. “They get to see you every day. Hold you when a guy gets too close, even though they're too close.”

“Bub-”

“How would you like it if I did that with my girl friends? Kissed Camila when she said something sweet? Let Alessia hug up on me while we're in the green room?”

I cross my arms over my chest, hating the fact that he thinks that would upset me. "I think your fans would have a bigger problem with it than I would."

He rolls his eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I don't have millions of fans watching my every move. You so much as look at another girl and there's twenty articles up that you're cheating on me. That we broke up. That our relationship was a sham. Your fans would believe it and quite possibly murder you before I even open Instagram to see how you've broken the internet this time."

He sighs.

"I don't get jealous, Shawn. You know that. And you've reassured me every time you leave that you love me and only me and I believe you. So I need you to believe me when I tell you that there's nothing going on with me or any of the guys. We're comfortable with each other. They protect me when you're not here. They're not trying to get with me when we go out to the bar; they stay near me and make sure no one else tries making a move. They do it because they know you would hate yourself if something happened while you were gone. There's no reason for you to ever thing that I would leave you, and for one of your best friends, no less! So whatever jealousy you're harboring right now needs to go. Because I'm tired and this fight is fucking stupid and I'm going to bed." I push past him and into our shared bedroom.

---

Dressed in my pajamas, I lay on my side, eyes closed, but not sleeping. I hear Shawn sigh as he walks in the room, my back is towards him when I feel the bed dip on his side. I think he's going to reach for me after he's situated under the covers, but he doesn't and my heart breaks a little.

Sleep doesn't come easy, or at all, actually. I'm staring at the alarm clock that Shawn insisted on putting across the room so that we'd have no choice but to get up when it went off, and it reads 2:07. We've been in bed like this for three hours. And I know he's not asleep because he's not doing that little snore that he does when he sleeps on his back.

At 2:28, when my eyes are just now becoming too heavy to keep open, he shifts onto his side and his arm sprawls across my waist. "Baby," he whispers into my shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on the covered skin. It takes everything in my not to melt into him right then and there. "I know you're not asleep."

I sigh and shift until I'm facing him. "What?"

"I'm sorry," he says, his thumb rubbing against my jaw. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, kinda." I agree.

He chuckles and I know we're okay. "I know I don't have to be jealous. But hearing Matt say what I already know, it did something to me. Because you are the hottest," he kisses my forehead, "smartest," my nose, "funniest," my lips, "Girlfriend in the world. And if he's noticed, then other guys have too and the thought of another guy wanting you drives me crazy."

"But I don't want them," I try and reason.

"I know. I know you don't. But do you see where I'm coming from? They're here. They're stable... I can't lose you, baby."

"Hey," I reach out to touch his face. "We are stable. Bub, I am not going anywhere."

His arms wrap around me with ease and just like that I'm straddling his naked torso, my hands resting his chest and then tangling his necklace between my fingers. "I'm right here. I'm in your hands. You have me."

He nods, his index fingers running over my sides from beneath my shirt. I hum and lean down, kissing his lips, never wanting to pull away. And this went on for what felt like forever, until my back once again hit the plush of our mattress. "I need you," he groans, lips trailing down my neck.

"I'm here," I reassure him, threading my fingers through his hair, clearly not understanding the meaning of his words.

"I need you," he says again, this time pressing his hips against mine. It clicks for me then and I nod.

"Okay baby." I mutter breathlessly because his tongue on the shell of my ear has me weak at the knees.

He takes his time with me. Kissing every inch of my body, clothed and unclothed. His touch is so soft and gentle that if I wasn't watching him, I'd have thought it wasn't real. And then he finally pushes himself into me, staying steady for a second, allowing me to get used to his size. Looking dwn at us, just out of curiosity, I notice that you can't even tell where I end and he begins. We're one. I'm whole as he thrusts into me slowly.

His thrusts are deep and even and measured. I couldn't even tell him how much I needed him; he left me speechless. He murmurs 'I love you' all over my body, and I wish you could tattoo sounds into your skin because I want to hear that forever. It's overwhelming how much we both need each other in this vulnerable moment. Him worried that I would someday leave him and me trying like hell to get him to believe I won't.

We're rarely ever this careful with each other. It's as if he's scared that going faster, harder will push me to the edge - And not the edge that he wants to bring me so desperately to. He's treating me like I'm fragile, like we're fragile. We're not, and I kiss him a little deeper to prove that we're not. Shawn's panting in my ear with another slow, deep thrust into me and my fingers claw at his back with a strangled moan eliciting my lips. This isnt just sex. We're making love. This is raw and passionate, and everything that making love should be.

***

A/n: this is not how I originally planned on ending this, but I actually think I like it better. There is an alternate ending if you guys want that later on though. 😉

I hope you enjoyed! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙