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calliecopper · 1 month ago

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Ian Gallagher Being His Own Person, and Why That's Controversial

A meta about Ian's story during his time away from Mickey, and the hate his character receives for it. Inspired by @dazzle02 :)

How many times have you heard somebody say that they skipped season 8 of Shameless because Mickey wasn't in it? How many times have you heard somebody say that season 7 is only good during Mickey's episodes, or that the story is boring without Mickey in it, or that Ian's S6-8 arc was boring without Mickey? How many times have you heard somebody proclaim that Ian wasn't a good partner to Mickey?

Mickey is undeniably THE fan favorite character of the show, and with that comes a tendency for fans to defend him tooth and nail, even when he is in the wrong, and refuse to see any other points of view. Characters who go against Mickey in any way receive a harsh amount of criticism that sometimes is not fully justified. This applies even to Mickey's main connection to the story: Ian.

During season 5 and onward, some fans hold Ian's actions against him very harshly when I feel he deserves a bit more empathy. Of these, there are three main things people criticize his character for during seasons 5, 6, and 7 that I feel are not given proper analysis and thought by fandom.

Disclaimer before we get in because people feel very passionately about these two: Every interpretation of a character is entirely unique to each individual viewer, and these are just my opinions. This is in no way an anti-Mickey post, so as you read, keep in mind that any criticism toward him is not meant to make him out to be a bad character. Don't bite me.

Season Five: The Breakup of All Time

I think a large part of why people get so upset with Ian for the breakup is because of the growth Mickey experienced in seasons 4-5 leading up to it.

Mickey in seasons 1-3 is in extreme denial of being gay, and when he grows feelings for Ian, he lashes out and treats Ian like shit. Seeing Mickey's slow growth starting in season 3 brought interest to his character, and in season 4 with his major growth during his coming out, he becomes very compelling to a viewer. After all the angst that it took to get Mickey to finally open up, there's a natural desire to see that positive growth and relationship development continue. When Ian throws a wrench in that by breaking up with Mickey in season 5, people get upset, and they're going to direct that toward Ian because he is the easiest to blame.

There's the sentiment of, "Mickey came out for Ian, took care of Ian, and supported Ian when he needed him most despite his faults. Why is Ian leaving Mickey in the dust when he now needs him most?"

This is honestly not an unreasonable thing to feel when looking at things from Mickey's perspective.

But, when you take a look at Ian's character, and you really think of his motivations in that moment, his decision to break up is actually very understandable. Ian didn't break up with Mickey because he thinks Mickey is a bad partner or because he doesn't love Mickey enough. He broke up with Mickey because he thought that's what was best FOR Mickey.

I think comparing the breakup to their fight over marriage in season 10 to be an effective way to understand Ian better.

In season 10:

"How do you know you love me? Huh? How do you really know? I'm bipolar, right? I don't know who I am from one day to the next, and I can't guarantee shit. So why do you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?"

- Ian to Mickey, S10E9

Compare this to this conversation during the breakup:

"You used to love me. Now you don't even know who I am. Shit, I don't know who I am half the time... You don't owe me anything."

"I love you."

"The Hell does that even mean?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12

I feel that Ian's mindset is pretty similar in these two moments. In season 5, he is still grappling with his diagnosis, and he has no frame of reference of how a healthy life with bipolar can look. Everybody has been comparing him to Monica, and he himself seems to oscillate between thinking he is like her and not like her, so in his mind, he has nothing to offer anymore.

Then, in season 10, in his mind he proved himself right. He tried to get his shit in order, lived happily and found peace with his diagnosis, and then he fucked it up. He had an episode, and he lost everything he fought so hard to have. He has practically ruined his life because he DID what he FEARED he would:

"I hate the meds. You gonna make me take 'em?"

"You get fucking nuts when you don't."

"Are you gonna want to be with me even if I don't?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12

That conversation isn't Ian saying he isn't going to take his meds, given how in season six, he IS taking his meds. I interpret his above statement to be a warning to Mickey. Because Monica has tried to get on her meds before, has tried to get better, and has failed many times. IAN has gone off his meds willingly twice now. This is him telling Mickey, straightforward, "I do not like the meds, and there will always be a risk of me deciding not to take them."

And in seasons 8-9, he does exactly that. He goes off his meds, and he destroys everything he built for himself. That's part of the reason why he hesitates to marry Mickey in season 10, and part of the reason he breaks up with Mickey in season 5.

Ian views himself and his disorder to be a burden on the people he loves. He believes that Mickey will be better off without him.

"I don't want you sitting around, worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit."

- Ian to Mickey, S5E12

Because Mickey HAS been doing that. Ever since he was diagnosed, Mickey has been watching Ian like a hawk, acting like a nurse, which frustrates Ian.

"Fuckin' nurse now?"

[...]

"I'm sick of your whiny, pussy crap. I don't need a fucking caretaker, alright? I need the shit-talking, bitch-slapping piece of Southside trash I fell for. Where is he? The fuck is he, Mickey?"

- Ian to Mickey, S5E10

But, of course, Mickey doesn't see it that way. To Mickey, Ian is anything but a burden he wants to unload.

"It means we take care of each other. [...] It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit."

- Mickey to Ian, S5E12.

Mickey would do anything for Ian. He confronted his worst fear by coming out, stayed with Ian even after the infidelity, defended Ian after he kidnapped his son, and tried his best to understand a mental illness he had no prior knowledge about. Yet, Ian still won't commit to him. After everything, he still isn't good enough.

"I'm not saying never!"

"No, you're just saying you don't love me enough now."

- Ian and Mickey, S10E9

And Ian, meanwhile, thinks that HE isn't good enough for MICKEY. He has been diagnosed with a lifelong condition, one that he has seen ruin lives firsthand, something that will be a part of him for the rest of his life, and he doesn't wanna tie Mickey down to that life.

It's all one massive miscommunication.

Finally, I think the part that is the most confusing to fans regarding Ian's mindset during the breakup stems from his moments with Monica in S5E11 and S5E12.

Specifically, the parallels between these two conversations.

"Ian, there's always gonna be people that are gonna try and fix us. And you can never make those people happy. Like it breaks their heart just to look at you."

"Yeah, um, even Mickey now."

"He's your boyfriend, right? [...] I'm sure he means well, but you need to be with people who accept you for who you are. And they're out there. You should never apologize for being you."

- Monica and Ian, S5E11.

Vs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Too much! Too much is wrong with me. That's the problem, isn't it? Too much is wrong with me, and you can't do anything about that. You can't change it. You can't fix me, 'cause I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me!"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12.

Monica's interpretation of the relationship seems to paint Mickey in a negative light. "He means well, but he doesn't get it," or something along those lines. Based on her previous experiences with the diagnosis, she has come to the conclusion that people like Mickey or Fiona, who try to get them to take medication and are saddened by the diagnosis, are being controlling, and do not love them for who they really are. That's why she always went back to Frank; he actively tried to get her to NOT take her meds or get better, and did not encourage her when she DID try to get better. So, to her, being off her meds IS the TRUE version of herself, and the people who can not accept that do not accept her.

But I think, while Ian's lines parallel Monica's, that he does not think the same way that she does.

Toward the end of season 5, Ian seems to do a complete 180 from his previous statements on his similarities with Monica.

"You flushed your pills? You get thats a full-on Monica move, right?"

"I'm not Monica."

- Ian and Fiona, S5E8

Vs.

" [...] Cause they all say how alike we are."

"That's probably not a compliment."

"Uh... No, I think it is."

- Ian and Monica, S5E11

This happens in the wake of his arrest, after Ian's siblings talk about him to the military police. Many of their comments seem to hit Ian in a way that makes him feel misunderstood or like a burden.

Debbie: But he's been acting crazier for longer than that.

Lip: Yeah, at least this past year.

Officer: How would you characterize his behavior?

Debbie: Compared to how he used to be... He's different.

Lip: He'll go back and forth from, you know, being depressed, to, you know, incredibly wound up. I mean, he ran off with a baby for no reason.

Debbie: He almost hit me in the head with a baseball bat.

Fiona: Our mother was bipolar, so we know what it looks like. She put us through Hell, and- I'm not saying you put us through Hell, but when they're manic they can be destructive.

Officer: In your opinion, does he require medication?

Fiona: Yes.

Officer: Is he unable to care for himself?

Fiona: Sometimes, yes.

So, when Ian talks to Monica when they reconnect, Ian expresses loneliness and a feeling of isolation.

"I'm really glad you came, yknow? I just... I needed someone to talk to who... gets it."

- Ian to Monica, S5E11

When Monica tells Ian to not be ashamed and that she loves him for him, she is kind of acting like his Frank. The meds have been taking a toll, and recovery is so difficult that running with her and getting validation from the only other person who could "get it" is an easy choice to make. I think the combined factors of Mickey treating him so delicately, his siblings laying out his flaws so plainly, and his mother's open acceptance creates a feeling of bitterness or shame, and Ian is hoping to find comfort in his mother.

But it doesn't go the way he expects it to.

At the diner, he thinks that Monica is going to prostitute herself for money, and is relieved when she doesn't. It's likely he was thinking of his own stint at the Fairytale in this moment.

Then, he recalls a moment from his childhood that he does not look upon fondly, only for Monica to refer to it as "good times."

He meets Monica's partner and discovers he is an aggressive teenage meth dealer that she is helping to sell the meth.

I think Ian has a true moment of clarity during this. He had thought that he was vindicated, that everybody else was wrong, that they didn't understand, that Monica was right, and that he was perfectly fine just the way he was. But then he sees what Monica considers to be "a happy life."

"Ian, I'm finally happy. People like us, we can be happy. I love him, and that's the most important thing, to find somebody to love, right? Who loves you back for who you are. I want that for you. I love you. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

- Monica to Ian, S5E12.

Monica's perception of life is warped. What she considers a good life is living in a trailer selling meth. Good memories are traumatic memories for those around her. True love and support is an aggressive teenage dealer, or Frank Gallagher.

A simple drive to Ian was a horrifying kidnapping to Svetlana. Doing a porn that was no big deal to Ian was a betrayal of trust to Mickey. Joining Monica and ignoring the calls of his well-meaning but ignorant family to Ian was a painful and worrisome disappearance to them. Ian's perception HAS been warped, and he's crashing back to reality, realizing that he has run off with MONICA, realizing that he can't continue down the same path as her, and needs to go home.

He's come to accept that he is bipolar. He's internalized what his family has kept repeating, that he is just like Monica, and looking at her living like this, believing that she is living well, is terrifying to him.

So he goes home, believing that he is just like his mother, and he's doomed to be a piece of shit. He goes back, and he breaks up with Mickey. Because he doesn't think that people like him can be happy, and he doesn't think he'll be okay. And that isn't something that Mickey can change. Too much is wrong with him, and Mickey can't do anything about it.

Really, it's just a matter of Ian operating under the "if you love them, let them go" mindset, and Mickey interpreting it as a rejection. It's the two of them both believing they are not good enough for the other and internalizing it instead of properly communicating.

TL;DR: Ian's breakup with Mickey in S5E12 is not done in a healthy OR selfish mindset. To him, he will do nothing but drag Mickey down, and in his unmedicated and clearly altered state of mind, he thinks the best thing is to let him go.

Season Six: Dating Caleb and Other Blasphemy

The first time we see Mickey in season six, it's behind a pane of glass in an orange jumpsuit.

Mickey had tried to murder Sammi, Ian's half-sister, and had been sentenced to prison for 15 years. It's established that Ian has not been to visit Mickey much and is trying to move on past that time in his life. But, upon being bribed by Svetlana, Ian visits, and during this visit Mickey asks Ian a question:

"You gonna wait for me?" - Mickey to Ian, S6E1.

And when Ian shows hesitation:

"Fuckin' lie if you have to, man, eight years is a long time." - Mickey to Ian, S6E1.

So, Ian replies:

"Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I'll wait." - Ian to Mickey, S6E1.

Before even meeting Caleb, fans absolutely tear into Ian for his decision to not commit to Mickey in this moment. They call it selfish, or out of character, or unfair to ice Mickey out when he is going through this difficult time.

But, let's look at it from Ian's position.

Ian has dealt with abandonment issues his entire life, with both Monica and Frank being unstable and infrequent providers during his adolescence. Throughout his relationship with Mickey, they had been separated on three separate occasions, one of which was entirely voluntary on Mickey's part. Now, due to committing a major crime, Mickey has been sent away for up to fifteen years. They would both be in their thirties by the time Mickey would be released, or close to it if he got out early, and that's not even considering that he was actively taking part in jobs / activities that could extend his sentence, like stabbing people.

Ian has dealt with recurring disappointment and abandonment his entire life, and throughout their time together, Mickey hasn't really established himself as stable.

Now, before you bring out the pitchforks;

"But Mickey was there for Ian and supported him through seasons 4-5. He grew as a person and proved he IS reliable."

Yes, that's true. He did undergo massive development that allowed him to be a better partner and more reliable person to Ian. But, canonically that period of time only takes place over a few months.

Mickey, for the better part of 2-3 years, was NOT a good partner to Ian. Multiple years of an unsteady situationship is not so easily forgotten. Yes, Mickey 1000% had valid reasons for acting the way he did. It's made very clear in S3E6 and S4E11 why Mickey hides his sexuality and lashes out when forced to confront it. But that isn't an excuse. His reasons for acting in a negative way towards Ian the first three seasons is understandable, but he went about it in a bad way.

Not to mention that, despite his growth, Mickey has just been sent to PRISON. No matter how you spin it, his decision to go after Sammi was NOT justified and does not necessarily bring forth confidence in his reliability and stability.

It's not unreasonable for Ian to not want to wait for over a decade for a man who has not always been the best for him. It sucks as a viewer who is invested in them, but Ian was not in the wrong.

Beyond (justifiably) selfish reasons, Ian also already thought that he was bad for Mickey, was worried that he would ruin his life, and with Mickey's justification for his torture attempt being that he did it FOR Ian, that Sammi had it coming because of what she did TO Ian, Ian probably felt responsible for that as well. There was probably a level of guilt in Ian from the whole situation, both for Mickey being in prison and for leaving him there.

But from his point of view, it's better for everybody to try and move on.

What really bothers me about this criticism toward Ian is the sense that he OWED Mickey his time and loyalty. Because Mickey had given and sacrificed so much for Ian during seasons 4-5, it's like people think Ian is then obligated to return that for Mickey, no matter what Mickey did. It's a very transactional way to view the situation, and it just leaves me with an icky taste in my mouth. Nobody owes anybody anything in that situation. Ian does not owe Mickey companionship, and Mickey did not owe Ian support when he got put in prison in season 9. Returning to Ian was Mickey's decision to make, and not a decision Ian was obligated to make in season 6.

Now, onto the actual "dating other people" part of the conversation.

For months, Ian has done nothing but get his meds on track while working at Patsy's, then at the janitors job on Lip's campus. During this time, Ian expresses having a very low sense of self-worth.

"He as smart as you?"

"No."

"Yeah, he's smart."

"Lip is the genuis of the family."

"So that gives you an excuse for not finishing [high school]? You seem plenty smart, and Dav's uniform doesn't really suit you."

- Ian, Lip, and Professor Youens, S6E3

And:

"This is it for me, Lip. This job. This is where I land."

- Ian to Lip, S6E3

Which Lip comments on in a very concise way:

"Yknow, he thinks... Being bipolar means he's doomed to be a piece of shit like our mother."

- Lip about Ian, S6E3

Ian feels no sense of purpose during these months. He feels he has no worth and that he is doomed to work a dead-end job and have no happiness. He thinks he is just like Monica.

That only changes when he witnesses an accident on the highway, and he saves a woman's life by pulling her out of a burning car.

This leads us to Caleb.

Now I'll admit, this is where I take issue with the storytelling, because this would've been a PERFECT way to segue into Ian's EMT arc, but regardless of what I personally think would've been better, the way it plays out in canon does actually still make sense for Ian's character.

After saving the woman from the burning car, Ian collapses due to smoke inhalation and exhaustion. A firefighter on the scene provides Ian with oxygen, thus saving his life. Ian immediately fixates on this particular firefighter.

Now, Ian has a very complicated relationship with feeling his emotions post his diagnosis. In season five, when he is numbed by his meds, the only way for him to feel again is through pain, via self-harm or starting physical fights, and sex. In fact, sex plays a major part in many aspects of Ian's life.

From the age of fifteen, Ian had been consistently subject to sexual abuse. He's been used for his body by countless men throughout his teenage years and has been oftentimes reduced merely to his sexuality and what he can provide to his partner. Even Mickey, in season 2, tells Ian as such in a panicked rage.

"You think we're boyfriend and girlfriend here? You're nothing but a warm mouth to me."

- Mickey to Ian, S2E8.

(No, I'm not saying Mickey sexually abused Ian. But he did contribute to the way we see Ian default so heavily to objectifying and sexualizing himself.)

So, due to this recurring trauma, Ian has a tendency to default to sex as the primary way of getting satisfaction, be it emotional or physical.

So, when Ian gets a rush of adrenaline from the crash, after months of that numbness, he chases the emotions in the most effective way he knows how.

Ian goes to the firehouse with cookies to give as thanks to the firefighter who saved him, but with a clear ulterior motive of getting laid. When he finds out that the particular firefighter (who happens to be part of the "gay shift" which is an odd writing choice) he saw on the highway is married, Ian meets Caleb. In this scene, they speak all of one line to each other when Caleb invites Ian to a firehouse softball game. The next time we see them on screen together, Ian acts very flirtatious toward Caleb, which sets forth their relationship.

"You ever pitch?"

"... Usually, but I'm open depending on what you're into. Where we doing this?"

"Follow me."

[...]

"Wait, we're actually playing softball?"

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5

I think Ian receives hate for this simply because he's expressing interest in a guy that isn't Mickey. Fans get the impression that Ian is moving on too fast or that his interest in Caleb is sudden or rushed. However, I think the rushed nature actually works to show Ian's intentions. In this moment, Ian is not really looking for a full-on relationship. Given how little they interacted thus far, the fact that Caleb wasn't even who Ian was originally interested in, and how Ian's comments consistently err on the side of sexual, its safe to say Ian was just looking for a hookup. In fact, it's Caleb who pushes so hard FOR the relationship.

Mickey, in a deleted scene, hooks up with an inmate right after talking with Ian. If Ian's relationship with Caleb had only been a fling or hookup, I don't think Ian would've been as heavily criticized. As it is, fans get upset at this relationship because it IS a relationship. They go on dates, Ian starts staying with Caleb, and really they seem to be very domestic.

But I don't think Ian was as dedicated to the relationship with Caleb as fans make him out to be.

From the jump, Ian seems uncomfortable with the quick-moving pace of it. At first he only seems interested in sex with Caleb, but upon the negative reaction that provokes, Ian conceded to going on a date with Caleb (which is a bit of a slap in the face to Mickey fans after Gallavich's ruined date.)

"[...] I was hoping to get my hands on your hose."

"Is that what this is to you? A fuck?"

"You say it like it's a bad thing. Come on, let's get out of here."

"No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown-up."

"Fuck. Okay. Okay. Hey, I'm into you, alright? I thought you were into me."

"I am."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't stick my dick in just any guy."

"What do you want, then?"

"Seriously? Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yeah."

"A date."

"With, like, flowers and chocolate and shit?"

"No, we could skip the flowers."

"Okay. You're on."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5

(Side note, pulling a "is that all this is to you" after two non-romantic interactions is not just quick in terms of hookup culture, which Ian is more attuned to, but is quick in any terms. More on that later.)

During this date, Ian is visibly very uncomfortable. Some would chalk this up to him having never been on a date before, and the writing even seems to imply that,

"Okay, look, I have no idea what I'm doing. My last boyfriend wasn't much of a talker, his idea of a conversation was to insult me a bunch and then punch me right before we banged."

- Ian to Caleb, S6E6

but that's actually not true, DESPITE the writers forgetting that.

"You know, Mickey and I never went out on dates. Ned never took me out, Kash and I fucked in the back of a convenience store, and I don't think jerking off strangers in a nightclub counts, so..."

- Ian to Lip, S6E6.

He actually HAD gone out on a "date" with Ned in season three, where he was visibly less uncomfortable than on his date with Caleb. He also went to many loft parties during his time dancing at the club, wherein he blended in very well and was able to sorta chameleon himself with the northside crowd. I think the show wants us to believe his discomfort is from him "never having been on a date before" or being unfamiliar with a "slower" pace, but I think his discomfort actually would stem from him just genuinely not being interested in Caleb in a romantic way, and thus feeling awkward on a date that's in a more romantic setting (compared to his one with Ned, which was undoubtedly more sexual.)

I also think his discomfort stems from being completely out of his element. Ian has taken a massive hit to his confidence since his diagnosis, so his Southside roots bring about a bit more hesitancy in him than it might have before, and he may be less confident in his ability to chameleon. That's why, during the date, Ian shows discomfort with Caleb when he shows more "class" than Ian.

"Usually, I get a bunch of apps to share. You good with that?"

"[Uncertain hum] ... Appetizers! Sure, yeah, big- big fan of apps."

[...]

"You seem like a very pensive kinda guy. You an only child?"

"Uh, no."

"Brothers and sisters?"

"A bunch, yeah."

"Older or younger?"

"Both."

"What about your parents? Both still alive?"

"... Yeah."

"... Fantastic. I'm learning so much."

[...]

"Where I'm from, people communicate with their fists."

"Where's that?"

"Southside."

"Mmm. Hands of steel. Okay, so you're a street rat. A brawler."

"Is that a problem?"

"Only if you make it one."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6.

Then, beyond their first date, we have the actual relationship to dive into.

Throughout his scenes with Caleb, Ian seems to oscillate between neutrality, discomfort, or mild enjoyment in the situations he finds himself in.

There's this interaction, for example, where Ian lets Caleb take charge in defining their relationship:

"So what are we doing?"

"Whatever you want, I guess."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E7.

Or this moment:

"What are you smiling at?"

"I like having you over here. What are you smiling at?"

"I like having a purpose."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E8.

Or when Caleb invites Ian out with his friends, and we see Ian slip into his chameleon persona, mirroring the petty mannerisms of the most vocal participant of the conversation, as well as avoiding diving too much into his personal history.

"You haven't told me which one is your ex."

"Guess."

"Old guy, pink sweater."

"How'd you know?"

"Ooh, a redhead, Caleb? Does his carpet match his drapes?"

"You're a good sport."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E8.

[...]

"If we had known you were bringing a middle school student, Caleb, we wouldn't have come to a place that cards."

"Oh, no, it's cool, I don't drink. I hear it makes your skin old and leathery."

"That's-that's how we're playing this?"

"Hey, you threw down first."

"Where you from, kid?"

"Back of the Yards."

"Local boy. What's your story?"

"Story?"

"Who you are, what you do, how did you meet this chocolate bundt cake?"

"Met him at the firehouse."

- Ian and Gregory, S6E8

[...]

"We like this one, Caleb. Don't we, Gregory?"

"I mean, If young, beautiful, and kind of a smartass is something to like, sure, fine, I guess we do."

- Caleb's friends about Ian, S6E8.

OR, in a deleted scene where Caleb expresses frustration at Ian keeping the distance between him and Ian's family, as well as Ian's lack of communication, while Ian seems unbothered or even perplexed by Caleb's frustration.

"So, where'd you sleep last night?"

"Home. Got done at three, told you I'd be late."

"Yeah, like nighttime late, not next day late."

"Well, I didn't wanna wake you, and I had to go back there to grab some stuff: clothes, towels..."

"Where's there?"

"Home, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Back of the Yards."

"Right. You did mention that once. I still don't know where it is or who I'd call if there was an emergency?"

"Uh... my brother, I guess? Or my sister."

"Brother or sister. Okay. I'll just track down Ian Gallagher's brother or sister on the internet."

"I'll... put their numbers in your phone."

"Great."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E11 deleted scene.

OR any of the follwing:

When they go to get Ian tested for STDs, he is visibly uncomfortable having Caleb in the room with him.

He is only comfortable revealing his bipolar disorder if it is done in exchange for another secret from Caleb.

He isn't very comfortable sharing his past, only references his previous relationship in a lighthearted manner, and he only reveals his sexual history upon feeling pressured to do so, which he purposefully presents in a callous way.

To me, the entirety of Ian and Caleb's relationship reads as Ian's desperation for validation through sex, which leads to him putting up with a relationship he isn't entirely comfortable in or commited to or ready for. To me, it seems like he's truly just looking for companionship in any way he can get it.

Out of everything, though, I think what really gets to fans most about this storyline is the constant comparison of Caleb to Mickey as a means of demonizing Mickey.

Throughout the entirety of Ian and Caleb's relationship, there is a constant comparison between the two relationships, seemingly with the intent of painting Mickey as a horrible partner.

When Ian tells Lip about his upcoming date with Caleb, he remarks that he never went on dates with Mickey, which comes off as an unnecessary jab.

During his date with Caleb, Ian talks about his lack of effective communication skills, which reflects negatively on Mickey, to the point Caleb brings forward the idea of domestic abuse.

During the wedding that Ian attends with Caleb, Ian mentions Mickey's marriage to Svetlana, and he uses a tone that comes off as belittling the situation and how difficult it was for Mickey.

There's this line, when Caleb asks Ian to kiss for the first time:

"Can I kiss you?"

"I thought kissing comes after you've had sex a bunch of times."

"Ian, kissing comes whenever you want it to. Even now."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6.

Then, there's Mandy stating that Caleb was better than Mickey.

"A hot black fireman. Also an artist."

"Upgrade from my brother."

"I miss Mickey, but uh... This new guy's nice."

- Ian and Mandy, S6E9

These near constant comparisons to Mickey are frustrating to fans, because it can often feel like Ian, or even just the writers and the narrative, are trying to belittle Mickey's character and reduce him to a one-note toxic ex, which completely spits in the face of the development that he went through. THAT is what is most frustrating to fans.

Because it's true that Mickey was not always the best partner. In real life, Mickey would be a walking red flag, and Gallavich would be undeniably toxic. But that applies to EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in Shameless. That is the entire point of the show. None of them are particularly good people. They all do shitty things, but they all have compelling reasons for doing it. That's why we can look at these characters and feel connected to them instead of just absolutely hating them.

It's a really odd writing choice for a show that focuses on morally gray characters, or the idea that nobody in the show is really a good person, to decide to play moral high ground in this particular instance, and have Ian suddenly turn his nose up at Mickey's behaviors.

But is this really how Ian feels?

Because, as established, Ian is VERY good at playing chameleon. He is good at shaping himself into whatever a partner wants him to be. He mirrors his partners mannerisms, beliefs, and attitudes.

And Caleb, for all that the story wants to make us believe he's better than Mickey, is actually not the best partner either. Not just for cheating on Ian in season seven and then gaslighting Ian about it; he shows some toxic behaviors in season six as well, including being lowkey judgmental about Ian's Southside roots.

Take, for example, Caleb implying that the Southside is trash, but that he can see the beauty in Ian despite being from the Southside:

"That's my latest. I love to find the treasure inside the trash. Trying to find the secret life in things. What it wants to be instead of what it is."

"Is that what you're doing with me?"

"Good question. Can I kiss you?"

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6

(Which, funnily enough, this line from Caleb goes pretty against the sentiment that Monica had in season five, of Ian finding somebody who loves Ian for who he already is, as Mickey did.)

Or, for another example, Caleb judging Ian pretty heavily during the softball game for being "not grown-up." Simply because Ian expresses sexual interest in him above romantic.

"Cmon, let's get out of here."

"No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown-up."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5.

Which, as I pointed out before, is really strange behavior. Participating in hookup culture isn't something that Ian needs to be shamed over. There's a sentiment of "Hooking up is beneath me, it's immature," to Caleb's tone, which is unfair. Now, he has reasons for this, that being his experience with getting HIV from a hookup who lied to him, which draws a pretty interesting parallel to Ian.

"Don't worry, guy I did the scene with said he was clean."

"He didn't use a rubber? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E5.

Vs.

"Guy in college. He lied to me."

- Caleb to Ian, S6E8.

(Which I actually find to be a very interesting plot point and is actually a pretty good scene.)

So, while Caleb was not wrong to put forth a boundary by not hooking up, he was wrong for acting as if IAN was the problem in the situation. Not to mention, his behavior at the game is very strange when taken into account how little they've interacted thus far. He had understandable reasons for his negative reaction, but he went about it the wrong way. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Anyways, I could talk about the relationship between Ian and Caleb more, but that's not what the point of this is.

The point I'm trying to make is that Caleb, however covertly, expresses a negative or biased view toward the Southside lifestyle. And Ian, being the type to mimic his partners, follows along in that.

Ian already fears that he is going to be left. He is afraid that showing Caleb who he really is and not being the idealized version of himself will lead to Caleb breaking up with him.

"I'm enjoying it while it lasts."

"You think he'll dump you?"

"Well, I've told him I'm bipolar, and my family's screwed up, and he took it pretty well. But it's one thing to hear it and another to live it, so... We shall see."

- Ian and Mandy, S6E9

So, he chameleons. He makes himself the treasure in the trash. He distances himself from the image of a brooding, Southside street rat.

Because, after so long of constant pain and numbness during and post his diagnosis, Caleb is the first good thing he's found.

"I haven't been this happy in a long time."

- Ian to Caleb, S6E8.

And really, everything that I just talked about doesn't matter when you think about it that way.

No matter how dedicated or invested Ian was in his relationship with Caleb, it still provided him with companionship and validation, which as we know, is something that Ian has an unhealthy dependence on to find self-worth.

And I don't think Ian was wrong in searching for that connection simply because that connection wasn't with Mickey. He could've been well and truly in love with Caleb, and he wouldn't deserve some of the hate he receives for his canon actions.

It's easy to look at Ian's relationship with Caleb and get frustrated because of all the time that was put into Ian and Mickey's relationship. But beyond the instinctual negative feeling that comes with seeing Ian with anybody other than Mickey, his relationships outside of Mickey deserve to be analyzed and observed for what they actually do for HIS character, and not just immediately cast aside as unnecessary or ooc.

So, to summarize:

Firstly, Ian wasn't selfish for not waiting 15 years for somebody in prison. Whether he was serious about Caleb or not, Ian was under no obligation to dedicate himself to Mickey. Ian did not owe Mickey anything simply because Mickey was there for Ian when shit got tough. If they had been together, sure, Ian would've been a lot shittier for leaving Mickey alone. But as it was, they were broken up, and even if they hadn't been, Ian would've had every right to not want to continue seeing Mickey after his decision to harm Sammi, just as Lip was justified in not wanting to be with Mandy anymore after she ran over Karen.

Secondly, Ian dating Caleb wasn't bad for his character. In fact, I think their relationship in season six was actually a very interesting way to progress Ian's character and get more insight into his mind and how he operates.

Thirdly, Ian and Caleb's relationship deserves to be analyzed for what it is, rather than what it isn't. Just because Ian is not with Mickey doesn't mean that he doesn't undergo some huge development in this season, both in and outside his relationship with Caleb. Furthermore, Ian entering a new relationship gives us the opportunity to see more sides of his character, and as such the relationship should be analyzed as it's own separate entity, and not just as a hurdle in the way of Gallavich.

Fourth, Ian was not just waiting to cast Mickey aside to jump on the next dick possible. I've seen this criticism before, and when looking at his actual arc at the beginning of S6 and analyzing his general character, that's just simply not true. Entering a new relationship is not equal to immediately disregarding Mickey.

TL;DR: The hate Ian gets from this season mainly stems from "Ian date somebody aside from Mickey, bad Ian" without any further thought behind why he enters the relationship and what the relationship actually means to him. There is no separation in the minds of fans between Ian and Mickey, and therefore, Ian having experiences and an identity outside of Mickey is negatively perceived.

Season Seven: Putting His Own Wellbeing First

This one will be less long winded than the previous one, because I have less to say on it, honestly.

During the entirety of Ian's bipolar arc, it is pretty clearly shown that to maintain mental wellness, Ian needs stability.

When Mickey shows up and asks Ian to run away with him to Mexico, that's threatening to uproot every amount of stability Ian has managed to secure the past two seasons of the show.

I honestly don't see as much hate directed toward Ian for his decision to leave Mickey at the border as I see for his previous decisions. I'd say the main thing I actually see directed toward this season is just that Ian's story is boring without Mickey in it. Mostly because he enters another new relationship with Trevor after his relationship with Caleb, which really just follows the cyclical Shameless cycle of, "Don't know what to do with a character? Give them a new love interest!" But because I talked about the judgement for non-Gallavich Ian relationships above, I don't particularly feel like doing a deep dive into the Ian and Trevor relationship in this meta.

What I want to talk about relates to the Mickey Mexico storyline, though, and that's the hate other characters recieve for trying to dissuade Ian from going.

After finding out that Mickey escaped from prison, Fiona and Ian have the following conversation:

"What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. You ever, uh, think about about what would've happened if you'd run off with Jimmy-Steve?"

"Lying sociopath Jimmy-Steve? My life would be a nonstop psycho-thriller. I definitely dodged a bullet with that one."

"What if nothing ever gives you that same thrill again? Still feel like you dodged a bullet?"

"I don't know. Probably. Where's this coming from?"

"Things have been weird between me and Trevor since Mickey got out."

"You mean since Mickey busted out of prison and has got half the Chicago Police Department circling the Southside looking for him."

"Can't get him out of my head. Just trying to stop myself from doing something I shouldn't."

"You turned your life around. Mickey would set a match to it. You've done really great without him, and I'm really fucking proud of you."

- Ian and Fiona, S7E10.

I've seen this conversation criticized many times because of how "unfairly" Mickey is treated in this scene. But I truly think that nothing said in this scene was wrong, and Fiona was 100% right.

In the past, Fiona has definitely shown a prejudice against the Milkovich family before. Specifically with Mandy, Fiona seems to look down upon her and disapproves of the relationship between her and Lip. This on its own is unfair treatment and is annoying to witness.

But in this particular case, absolutely nothing she is saying is wrong or biased simply because Mickey is a Milkovich.

People take the line, "Mickey would set a match to it," and compare it to his behavior in late Season 4 through season 5, where Mickey is taking care of Ian, and say that Fiona is being untruthful or hypocritical. If Mickey had never been sent to prison, or even if he had just been released legally, and Ian was simply thinking about cheating on Trevor and getting back with Mickey instead of running away with him, then the criticism toward Fiona would be more justified. But as it is, Mickey is a wanted fugitive, and Ian running away with him would make Ian a fugitive as well, and WOULD effectively set a match to the life Ian had spent the past two seasons working toward. He would be giving up a career he worked hard for and fought to have, he'd be living in stressful conditions on the run, he'd have no support system, and he would have less ease of access to his medication. Running with Mickey would have been the wrong decision for Ian's wellbeing, and honestly, Mickey should never have asked Ian to go with him.

I think that many people have rose colored glasses on when it comes to Gallavich, specifically with Mickey, and that makes it harder to view these moments unbiased. But, looking at it objectively, Mickey was so wrong for asking Ian to come with him to Mexico. He KNOWS that Ian needs stability with his bipolar diagnosis, and he KNOWS that this would be a stressful life he'd be forcing Ian into.

Simply put, he's acting selfishly in that moment. Having your own interests in mind is not always a bad thing, but in this specific case, Mickey would have thrown a huge wrench into Ian's life is Ian hadn't made decisions in HIS best interest.

Again, I have less to say on this as I did other subjects, because to me it feels much more cut and dry. Mickey was in the wrong here 100%, Fiona was not being wrongfully judgmental toward Mickey, and Ian was not in the wrong for not going with Mickey.

After so long of seeing them apart, it makes sense to want to see them together again. So when Ian, again, is the one making the decision to end their relationship, fans are going to lash out at him and those around him.

But it's important to put aside biases and allow your favorite character to be in the wrong occasionally. Mickey is not perfect, and criticism against him, both from characters in the show and fans, is not unfounded nor unjustified.

TL;DR: Mickey was wrong for asking Ian to uproot his life and run to Mexico, and calling that out isn't defamation of his character.

To End This Yap Session:

Ian is by no means a faultless character, and he is not exempt from criticism both inside and outside of his relationship with Mickey. However, I often feel that the criticism he faces is for the wrong reasons, and not much contemplation or exploration is done on him as much as it is for Mickey.

I love Mickey. He's an amazingly complex character, and his relationship with Ian is one of my favorite parts of the show. But in being a complex character, he is also an imperfect character.

I feel that many fans get very protective over their favorite characters, to the point that anything that goes against that character's interests is labeled as bad, and any criticism toward his character is disregarded immediately.

In this particular case of Gallavich, I feel that post season three, fans often see things from Mickey's point of view without looking at Ian's as much. This meta was simply to give my own thoughts on Ian's most "controversial" moments among fans. Obviously this is mostly condensed to season six and his relationship with Caleb, which I feel is the biggest example of jumping to conclusions and only seeing the surface level of his character.

However, I would like to acknowledge that Ian is also an insanely popular character in the Shameless fandom. While he is misunderstood in many instances, he is given much more sympathy and understanding than many other characters in the show, especially many of the female characters. This long-winded meta is only focused on the concerning tendency for fans to link Ian's identity to Mickey entirely without allowing him to be an individual, but a majority of the time he is still a beloved character who is treated favorably by fans. Compared to a character like Debbie, Ian sees much more support, and I feel that the energy I put toward this meta and trying to understand Ian should also be applied to (almost) EVERY character in the show.

Anyways feel free to leave thoughts.

#shameless #shameless meta #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #monica gallagher #shameless caleb #shameless trevor #gallavich #does any of this really matter? no probably not cause at the end of the day its a silly tv show #but i find it personally interesting to think about so i made a long ass meta about it #but its seriously not that deep so fandom discussion is great #but if the stans take my post to twitter and grill me like my dbh meta i will get gen mad lol #also sorry to the ppl who follow me for dbh ive def fallen off that hyperfixation at this point in time #this could've been cleaned up a bit but ive had this in my drafts for like 3 weeks or more so

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jesswriteswrongs · 1 year ago

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After School Special

Fandom: Shameless USA

Characters: Lip Gallagher x Female Northside!Reader

Summary: Reader and Lip return to her house after school, but Reader’s mom comes home early and has a lot to say

Warnings: body shaming, discussion of food, discussion of exercise, discussion of weight

A/N: Readers mom reads like Emily Gilmore because I’ve been binge watching Gilmore Girls

It was mid-October and you had no idea how Lip survived without a coat, when you were dreading pulling your hand out of your pocket to unlock the door. Once you were both inside the warmth of your house you lead Lip upstairs to your room. “Wanna help me with my literature homework?” You asked him, putting your backpack on the floor and hanging up your coat.

“I do love you in that uniform…” he replied, sitting on your bed. You never thought that the kilt, sweater vest, blazer and saddle shoes were particularly attractive, but Lip always seemed to think so.

“Really?” You asked, straddling his lap.

“Mmm…” He replied, pushing your blazer off your shoulders “Southside bad boy corrupts private school girl? It’s like something from a romance novel.” You let your blazer fall to the floor. “Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do-“ You interrupted Lip’s recitation of Shakespeare by clapping your hand over his mouth, hearing the front door open and close.

“Shit! My mom’s home early.” You whispered.

“Y/N!” Your mom shouted. You put your finger to your lips to signal Lip to be quiet, and climbed off his lap. You headed downstairs to see what she wanted.

“Hi Mom.” You said nonchalantly.

“Y/N! How long have you been home?” She asked, looking you up and down. You squirmed under her gaze.

“Just a few minutes, I was just about to start my homework.” She frowned.

“Hm… well, remember your sister is coming home from Yale this weekend.”

“Yes, Mom.” You replied monotonously.

“How’s your application to Princeton going?”

“I don't need to apply until next year.”

“Yes, darling, but Princeton will look closely at your junior year. Extracurriculars are important.” She placed her handbag on the bureau, paying more attention to the wood grain than to you.

“Mom, I’m already president of the Model United Nations and VP of the astronomical society.”

“Yes, but you’ll need more. Your sister was captain of the swim team, president of the key club, class president and valedictorian.”

“Mom, I’m not Laura.” You sighed, playing with your sleeve cuffs

“Don’t I know it.” Your mother retorted. She looked you up and down once more. “You’re looking fat. I’ll tell Maria to skip the after school snack, you can wait until dinner, and you’ll be taking salad for lunch for the rest of the week. Your father and I pay for the gym, you should use it.”

“Yes, Mom.” You said once more. “Can I go back to my homework now?” Your mother literally looked down her nose at you before she spoke.

“Fine. But I expect you to be exercising after dinner.” You nodded, fisting your hands inside your sleeves and wiling the tears not to fall. You quickly turned and ran back up the stairs, shutting yourself in your bedroom, back against the door, before you let the tears fall. You had completely forgotten Lip was waiting for you in there.

“Y/N?” He asked quietly.

“How much of that did you hear?” Your voice was low and quiet, almost trembling.

“Enough.” Lip replied. He opened his arms. “Everything she said is total bullshit. You’re not anywhere near fat, and you’re going to get into Princeton.” You allowed yourself to be hugged and comforted by Lip, tears falling on to the blue shirt you loved on him. “And if your mom really wants you to get some exercise I can think of an exercise regiment that she’ll hate.” You laughed wetly, before wiping your eyes with your sleeve.

“This is why I prefer your house.” You said quietly.

“What, too loud to think with the police turning up anytime they want?” Lip chuckled. You rested your temple against his shoulder.

“Yeah but it’s family. You may not have much but you love each other, and most of the time you even like each other.” Lip laughed at that. “You’re not competing against each other or trying to outdo each other’s achievements. Everything Laura does I have to be the same or better, whether I want to or not.” Lip seemed to think about that for a moment.

“I guess you’re right.” He said after a moment of silence. “We’re dysfunctional, sure, but I’d do anything for my family. Our achievements are what they are. Shit, I’ll be the first Gallagher to finish high school. Plus, Fiona likes you a lot more than she’s liked my other girlfriends.” You ran your thumb over his shirt collar.

“It’s refreshing. Fiona thinks it’s great when I get a C, Debbie likes when I bring my art homework, it feels safe.” You said quietly.

“Even with Carl running around?” Lip asked

“Even with Carl running around.” You laughed, and kissed him. “I’m totally serious though, my literature homework is due tomorrow.”

“Hmmm, can I be your reward afterwards?” Lip asked.

“Can we go to your house tomorrow?” Lip smiled and nodded. You smiled back and climbed off his lap, grabbing your book and sitting back on his lap.

“What are you doing, Y/N? I thought you were doing homework?” You grinned wickedly at Lip.

“You really want to wait until after?”

#lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher fanfiction #lip gallagher #fanfic #fanfiction #shameless #shameless usa #reader insert #shameless fanfiction

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listofwhyyouloveher · 9 months ago

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Hi dear I hope you're doing well and I was hoping if you can do the whole greaser gang with a s/o that's like Fiona Gallagher from the show shameless? Like she's taking care of her six siblings and her dad who's usually at the bar or passed out somewhere. Their mother ran out and is mentally ill so their s/o is left to be her siblings mother/father/ and nurse fill free to ignore if you want to do and I hope you have a good day!

Summary: The Outsider x Fiona Gallagher!Reader Warnings:mentions of absent mother, drinking, very toxic adult behavior, dysfunctional family Author's Note: gonna be busy tmrw and weekend again, ill try and post 1 fic per day but no promises.

PONYBOY CURTIS

Ponyboy doesn’t really live in a dysfunctional family, yes his home life is tough but Darry loves him and tries his best and pony knows that

However, pony cant mentally put himself in Darry’s shoes of having no-one to lean on and having to take care of many siblings

When he first met you, he was absolutely smitten. And when you told him of your problems, he thought you were the toughest chick in town

He often asks Darry what to do to take a couple of burdens off your shoulder. He applies it to you and also at home, you’ve made him a better person.

JOHNNY CADE

Has a dysfunctional family and can understand, to an extent..he still gets fed sometimes and doesn’t have to work to stay in his home

But he doesn’t have a hard time adjusting to you.

He’s very open and loves your siblings, so he tries to take them out as many times as possible to give you some rest.

He genuinely doesnt understand how your parents could have left you doing all this by yourself when you’re such a perfect girl.

SODAPOP CURTIS

Soda admires you like you’re a work of art.

He takes everything into consideration, for example, if he wants to take you on a date he’ll invite some of the gang members to hang out with your siblings and keep them away

Never asks you for anything, not to rant, vent or anything. He feels as if his problems could never measure up to yours so his whole world revolves around you.

Tries to spend as much of his money as possible to get you nice things and spoil you.

STEVE RANDLE

Steve understands how tough it is for you mentally. He’ll often stop by your place with something for you, like a box of chocolates or something.

Whenever he’s over, he makes an effort to get to know and play with your siblings, he even was going to introduce himself to your dad. You convinced him it was a bad idea so he didnt.

He makes it known that you can tell him anything, literally anything, and he’d listen. He also wants you to know that you can call him anytime and he’d come for you.

Reassures you that he won’t ever leave you, that you’re special and he’s madly in love with you.

TWO-BIT MATHEWS

Two-Bit has some kid experience so he tries his hardest to keep your siblings company and even brings his sisters for ‘playdates’

Really enjoys spending time with you and would even do the chores around the house with you to keep talking with you.

He’s not very good at comforting people and he tries to make up for it by using his humor. You get where he’s coming from and it often helps a lot actually.

Tries his best to look nice for you when he comes over, he wants you to know he’s not a washed up nobody like your parents and wants to be a rolemodel to your siblings.

DARRY CURTIS

Often tells you that you’re perfect and that your siblings will grow so much better with you as their ‘parent’. He once made you cry because of what he said and he just held you in his arms while you sobbed.

He can sort of relate to what you’re going through but his is not as extreme as yours.

Whenever he can he drops by to help you. Date night consists of making dinner for your siblings, washing the dishes and having a late night dinner together after you put your siblings to bed.

He knows you'd make a perfect wife since he’s old enough to marry, just waiting on the right time to pop the question.

DALLAS WINSTON

Dallas is insensitive and rude to you. He knows what you’re going through, he just doesn’t care.

However, once you caught him putting on a bandaid for your younger brother. He wasn’t kind about it, saying things like “can’t you do this yourself?” but he still did it.

He knows you saw it and thinks that hanging around your house and helping you with chores and siblings will keep you quiet about it

He doesn’t like kids, but he tolerates them for his reputation, and because you’re growing on him.

#shroomsroom #clara'sroom #the outsiders x reader #dallas winston x reader #dally winston x reader #johnny cade x reader #steve randle x reader #pony curtis x reader #ponyboy curtis x reader #soda curtis x reader #sodapop curtis x reader #two bit mathews x reader #two bit matthews x reader #two bit x reader #darrel curtis x reader #darry curtis x reader

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saltnsugarbear · 4 months ago

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you poor thing, sweet mourning lamb (18+)

summary: you trust Lip to never compel you. This being said, he wants to try something new in the bedroom

title from: "Ptolemaea" by Ethel Cain

word count: 1.3k

content warnings: could this be considered blood play?? is all vampire sex blood play? MDNI!!! afab reader genitalia, vaginal oral sex, edging/orgasm denial, vaginal fingering, TVD style compulsion (consensually), biting (surprise??)

side note: welcome back TVD-Shameless au, everyone say hi to heretic Lip Gallagher we love him

divider by @strangergraphics

"Please, baby.." Lip bites softly at your jaw. The attention to your jaw and his begging has you pressing your heel against your core to alleviate some of the pressure building.

"Lip- I don't know- I don't think that-" You're cut off with a moan as Lip nips softly at your carotid.

Lip removes himself from your neck, looking at you with wide eyes. The look he gives you is pleading, and you can feel your fight slipping.

"Please, baby... 'S the only way to be sure.. Promise you'll feel so, so good.. If you don't, we'll stop, and I won't do it again.. Even get you some vervain, make sure it doesn't happen again.." Lip's asking you so nicely, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of your inner thigh.

He brings his other hand to cradle the side of your face softly as you mess with the fabric of his shirt. Lip knew you trusted him to not compel you, so there was never a need for you to hold onto vervain. He discouraged your relaxed mindset, often telling you about the dangers of other vampires who would want to compel you.

However, what he was offering tonight wasn't the usual compulsion you were worried about. The only thing Lip was suggesting was testing to see if he could prolong your own release.

The idea intrigued you, to say the least. You don't give it too much more thought before you're nodding, "Yeah... Okay, okay.."

Lip's eyes light up, gaze dancing across your face to make sure there's no signs of discomfort.

"Oh, baby... Thank you, thank you, thank you..." Lip starts to pepper your face with kisses, biting softly when he kisses over your cheek and jaw. "Gonna feel so good, I promise.."

Lip pulls away from you and brings both hands to hold your face, rubbing softly against your cheekbones. His eyes are intense as he looks into yours.

"You're not gonna come until I say so," Lip's voice is firm and authoritative, further stoking the fire in your belly. You watch the way his pupils dilate as he speaks. "Gonna tell me if it becomes too much or you don't like it."

All you can do is nod, not entirely sure if you're meant to feel different because of his words. He gives you a soft smile before he kisses you gently.

Lip guides you to lay back against the bed, his body moving fluidly with yours as you fall back. He's quick to trail kisses over your shirt and down your body, tugging your shorts and underwear down your legs as he kneels on the floor in front of you.

He starts with soft kisses along the inside of your knee, slowly trailing up your thigh to where you need him the most. You whine softly when he stops in the middle of your thigh, sucking hard against the skin before soothing the spot with his tongue.

The feeling of Lip's teeth sinking into your thigh makes you groan loudly. You can't help how you buck your hips off the bed, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets to keep yourself grounded. His tongue traces softly around the punctures in your skin, hand squishing your thigh to coax out more blood. Lip's other hand lays flat against your stomach, applying a soft pressure as he pushes your hips back onto the mattress.

When you look down, your gaze meets his, pupils blown wide as he laps softly at the source of blood coating his lips. The view makes you dizzy and whine softly. He abandons the bite to kiss farther up your thigh. Placing a kiss right above your clit, moving his mouth lower.

The feeling of Lip's canine tickling against your clit makes you gasp. His breath is warm against your core. He's quick to replace his fang with his tongue, licking a stripe up from your slit to your clit.

Lip laps softly at your hole, bringing his hand lower to rub tight circles against your clit with his thumb. When he pulls his mouth away from you, your hips attempt to chase him. He huffs softly against your skin, the sound muffled slightly. His tongue is quickly replaced with the tips of his wet fingers, his thumb is replaced with his mouth softly sucking against your nub as he slowly inserts his two fingers.

His now free hand slips away from your body and you can only assume what he's doing based on the groans he's releasing against your clit. The vibrations of his voice and feeling of his fingers starting to thrust in and out of you his intoxicating. When he removes his mouth from you with a kiss, you feel his tongue prod at the puncture wounds on your thigh, tracing the drops that slipped down your skin.

You can feel the knot in your stomach tightening and feel the way your walls clench around Lip's fingers. However, the feeling of your release washing over you never comes. You can't help but whine at the feeling, bucking your hips into Lip's hand in an attempt to find a way to loosen the knot in your stomach. He holds his hand still, letting you fuck yourself on his fingers, letting you get increasingly frustrated as you chase a release you can't find.

"Lip.." You whine softly, lifting your hips off the bed, his arm following the motion of your body easily.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asks you, feigning innocence, tilting his head to the side.

"Please- Need to-" You're cut off by your own moan when Lip leans forward to suck gently on your clit. He's gone as quick as he was there, slipping his fingers out of you gently.

Lip pulls away from your core to tug off his shirt, tossing it somewhere towards the end of your bed. He brings one of his hands from your hip to hold your jaw, keeping you from looking away from him as his rolls his hips against your own. Your eyes roll back, not containing the way your hips rut into his own. Lip takes advantage of your open mouth, bringing you into a sloppy kiss.

The kiss is tangy with blood and your slick, coating his lips and tongue as he explores your mouth. He can't help the way he groans into your mouth, rutting his hips against yours. The kiss is quickly broken as you moan into his mouth, both of you panting against the others' lips.

Your brain is dizzy, your body jittery, and on edge as it holds back your release.

"Lip.." You whine, tugging at his shirt and trying to bring him impossibly closer.

"Feel good, baby?" He asks you, breathing heavily above you.

"Mhm.." All you can do is nod, moving your hands down to tug at the waistband of his boxers.

"Look at you.." Lip chuckles softly. "Got y'all turned around, don't I?"

You nod again, not really taking in any of the words he's saying. You can't help but whine when he moves back from you, mourning the loss of his warmth against your skin.

Lip tugs off his boxers, kicking them to the floor and pushing up your shirt to expose your chest. He's quick to kiss along your chest, placing a sharp nip over your heart. Lip pulls back when you gasp softly, watching droplets of blood slowly roll down your chest. The feeling of his tongue has you arching your chest into his face, breathing heavily.

Lip places a soft kiss to the broken skin, kissing along your collarbone and up to your jaw. The open mouth kisses he places along your skin make you whine, turning your face to capture his lips with yours.

"Gonna feel so good, I promise... Just gotta hold out a little longer, baby.." Lip kisses you shortly before lining himself with your entrance.

"Promise you're going to feel so, so good.." He tells you gently as he starts to slowly push in.

It's going to be a long night.

#saltnsugarbear #saltnsugarbear promptober #chicago nights [ tvd shamless au ]#too much salt (18+)#lip gallagher smut #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher fanfiction #lip gallagher fanfic #shameless fanfiction #lip gallagher imagine

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gallaghersgal · 3 months ago

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NEW YEAR, SAME OLD MISTAKES, lip gallagher

chapter four of borderline, lip x bsf!reader (nickname: MK)

TAGS & WARNINGS → MATURE 18+. angst & fluff, smoking (🍃+🚬), oblivious idiots, adri psychoanalyzing lip, sad reader.

CHAPTER SUMMARY → you're left reeling after a kiss you never saw coming, with a boy who remembers nothing of the night. grappling with the outcome of the karen situation, lip decides to apply to MIT.

A/N → here she is!! got this chapter out quicker than i thought i would honestly. enjoy!!

WC → 2.7k

It’s nearly three in the morning now. After getting Lip to bed and helping Adri clean up from the party, you’ve been relegated to the fire pit in her backyard while you smoke down a prerolled joint from your bag. “Do I really have to?” you ask, only teasing her. “It’s freezing out here.”

“You know how my parents are about that,” she responds, standing a good five feet away as she pulls one of the chairs back. “Don’t care if it’s legal, they’d be pissed if they smelled it.”

You smile in return, taking a deep hit before blowing it out. The warm smoke soothes you, melting away the anxieties you’ve been losing yourself in all day. “They don’t really care if you smoke though? And they’re not even here…”

Adri shrugs. The way you’re avoiding mention of what you’re really out here to talk about doesn’t go unnoticed, but she knows not to push it. She’ll let you come around in your own time, or you’ll share the joint with her and she’ll bug you until you open up.

Either way, Adri will get to play therapist. She’s looking at you from across the fire pit, the flames keeping the winter chill at bay. You decide to get it out of the way.

“He kissed me,” you tell her. You take another deep drag, watching her face contort in shock, confusion, and something akin to horror. For everything the night has brought, you can’t help the laugh that escapes you at her reaction.

“Pass me the fucking blunt,” she grumbles, scooting a bit closer. You laugh again, tendrils of smoke spilling from the corners of your mouth. You toss the altoids tin in your lap to Adri, it holds another joint along with your mini lighter. She lights the thing and inhales, wrinkles her nose at the taste of the smoke, and coughs out a question for you. “So, how did that happen huh?”

You stay quiet for a minute, lingering in the warm feeling in your chest. “I don’t know, really. He kinda just… did?” Your eyes meet Adri’s as you take another hit, fingers pinching the filtered end. She gives you that look, and you know you have to elaborate. “I was telling him that I’ll always be there for him,” you add, voice quieter this time.

Her brow pinches and you can tell she’s thinking, running over any and every concept she’s learned in her pursuance of psychology that could explain tonight’s events. Despite your aversion to studying the subject, you appreciate Adri’s encyclopedic knowledge and rational nature, it keeps you grounded.

“Loss for words? Or is the joint already kicking your ass,” you tease.

Adri shakes her head, “he didn’t say anything? Just kissed you?” She takes a hit from the joint and the smoke goes down easier this time.

“He was kinda yellin’ at me?” you tell her, watching as Adri rolls her eyes. “he said don’t you ever leave me, and then he kissed me”

Adri hums, nodding slowly. “Do you think he loves Karen? Or, do you think he loves you.”

Your brow furrows at the mention of her name, thinking back on the events of the night. Lip’s cold fingers wrapped around your arm, warm lips on yours. The way he tasted like whiskey. And regret. The way his body curved into yours, pressing into your heat as he kissed you. The way you kissed him back.

“Adri, I love him,” you admit. You’ve never said it aloud before. As you bring the joint to your lips you feel a shiver run down your body, not from the cold. You love Lip Gallagher. God, you’re in deep.

The two of you are quiet for a moment longer, the relative silence of the night shrouds you. The only sounds are that of the cold breeze, the crackling of the fire pit, and your breathing. You miss the inner city for a moment, the bustle and noise, it’s never quiet. Even at this hour. You never feel alone.

“So theres this thing called attachment theory.” You raise an eyebrow and she continues. “He was neglected as a child, yeah?”

“Jesus Adri–”

“Stay with me,” she urges, taking a hit before stubbing out the blunt on the chair’s arm. Careful fingers place it back into your altoids tin along with the lighter. “When children aren’t given what they need in early development, they form a disorganized attachment style. You’ve always been secure for him, and he doesnt know how to tell between his feelings for you and for Karen.”

You scowl, tucking your knees up in the chair and holding your hand out for the tin. If Adri won’t finish that joint, you sure as hell will. You need it more than she does anyway. Another deep inhale of the bitter, citrusy smoke numbs the butterflies in your stomach long enough to ask quietly, “so, he probably doesn’t feel the same?”

She shakes her head, “that’s not what I said. All I’m saying is that, especially with the baby in the mix, he’s got this sort of cognitive dissonance going on. Theres you, and theres Karen, and there was supposed to be a baby. I’m sure fatherhood is important to him?”

You nod along, remembering the videos he was taking for his unborn son, the sweet smile on his face when he talked about painting a nursery for Karen, the baby sneakers he bought in preparation. You know in your heart that Lip is more devastated that he’s ever been.

“There’s a sense of responsibility too, to step up and be a father, no matter the situation. He got so attached to the idea that he didn’t know what to do when it fell apart.”

You sigh, head resting in your hand as you think it over. You understand, his life hasn’t been easy. You know how much he wanted this baby, and how much he wanted to make a life with Karen. You scowl. “He was forcing it, though.” Now it’s Adri’s turn to nod along, “she’s not right for him, and I’m right here, I’m right in front of him and I have been for years. But he doesn’t see it.”

Her lips purse and you let her think, smoking down the joint, it’s nearly finished now. “Well, I wouldn’t say you’re right in front of him.”

You roll your eyes, “Adri–you know I love you–are you blind? We see each other every day, literally. I don’t think I’ve gone a week without him since I was five years old.”

“You haven’t said anything though, have you?” she asks. You’re silent in return. “Exactly. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. ”

“What–” you swallow, your throat thick. You pretend it’s from the smoke, you pretend you don’t understand. “What does that mean?”

You know you’re lying. Adri knows you’re lying. You wait to see if she’ll call your bluff.

“He looks at you like you hung his moon and stars,” she tells you bluntly, deep brown eyes locking with yours. “He doesn’t want to ruin what you two have, and neither do you. You’re stuck in between.”

It hits you sharply, an overwhelming feeling flooding your body while a lump forms in your throat. Statistically, there are few outcomes where he stays. Where your relationship stays, or changes for the better. Many, many roads seem to lead to a desolate end. To growing apart, to never speaking again, to watching the boy you love stay trapped in the wrong relationship. Your eyes well with tears.

“I don’t– I-I dunno how to tell him, Adri,” you whisper.

She moves closer to you, standing from her seat to stand at your side. You’ve stubbed out your joint now, flicked the filtered end into the fire pit and watched it burn up. Adri’s hand on your knee grounds you, she comes down into your space and takes one of your hands. “You’re a good person, MK. You’re an empathetic person. But you need to protect your heart. If you let him keep it for too long, it could end up shattered.”

[divider]

By four, Lip is awake and apologetic. By five, the two of you are sitting on your roof, sharing a cigarette. A small space heater in your window blows warm air onto your backs, and your head is tilted up to the sky.

“Y’know, that’s the first time I ain’t had a new years kiss since I was… thirteen, I think?”

You swallow around the lump in your throat, reminding yourself you saw it coming. He has a tendency to drink until his brain shuts out the memories. He’s done it over lesser blights.

“Don’t really care about your romantic prospects, Gallagher,” you snap, holding out your hand for the cigarette.

Lip passes it to you silently, he looks hurt. You don’t apologize.

“Yeah well,” he scoffs after a moment’s time. “You’ll be happy to know shit’s done with Kar– Karen.” The way he stumbles over the fond nickname doesn’t go unnoticed either. “I’m not pickin’ up when she calls. That is if she calls, psycho cunt.”

You roll your eyes and take a drag from the cig he handed you. You lean back until your shoulders rest on the roof tile. You relax your body for the first time in a while, comforted by the moon above you. It wouldn’t be so bad it he was close by, if Lip used his potential here in Chicago. “You know, you could always apply–”

“What if I went to MIT?” he blurts out. You’re sure you’re hearing things.

You force yourself to take a deep breath first. Four counts in and four counts out, like you’re at the barre again. Years later, the training sticks with you. “Massachussets. Lip, that would be…” you trail off, swallowing thickly and taking a drag of the woody smoke before passing the cig back. The end was burning your fingers anyway. “That would be amazing. Have you finished the application?”

Lip stubs out the cigarette, his fingers itching for another only to meet the memory of his empty pack. He shakes his head. “You got a cig? Chainsmoking helps the hangover.”

Now it’s your turn to scoff, you move the heater to crawl through your window, then beckon him back inside. He knows to lower the window to a crack when stepping back in, slumping into one of the two chairs you keep by your window. You think briefly on how you’ve always needed that second chair, lip over to smoke at your house just as often as you were at his. A constant presence. You’ll miss him.

You hold out your pack of american spirits, turquoise. Lip wrinkles up his nose but takes the thing anyway, “these taste like fuckin’ cardboard MK.”

At least after everything that happened last night, he’s still the same old Lip. That’s good, you tell yourself. It’s not convincing.

You just roll your eyes and hold up your lighter, flicking it on as you draw your faces closer together to light both cigs at once. After a drag to soothe your nerves you tell him, “you have a personal statement from your UChi app, right?” You turn toward your desk and open your laptop, sitting it on your thighs as you cross your legs. “And your SAT records?”

Lip nods, “yeah I got ‘em, saved on my school account I think?”

You pass your computer to him then stand up. “Okay. I’m gonna get some snacks, and then we’re gonna get that application done.” His face lights up at the mention of food. “And then we need to finish our packets for AP Lit.” You giggle at the way he rolls his eyes, heading downstairs to find something to whip up.

The next few hours tick by with comfortable conversation, mini pancakes, and plenty of application questions from Lip. He’s so unaware about some of these things, you wonder how his other applications looked. Well, application. Singular. From what you know, he’s only applied to UChi. And only under your encouragement.

At 6:53 Lip closes your laptop and stretches his limbs, finally finished. The sun is rising outside your windows, and your head lays in his lap. You’d moved down to the living room about half an hour ago, setting up a tray table for the laptop and switching on the TV. Your eyes were fluttering closed a mere ten minutes later, and your head had slumped to his shoulder soon after. You wake when he cards his fingers through your hair, mumbling to you.

“Hey, wake up. Look here,” he shows you an email on his phone, confirming his application was submitted.

You rub at your eyes groggily, but a smile graces your lips. “Mm, proud of you,” you murmur, sitting up and stretching. “We can go to bed now?”

Lip nods, then wraps his arms around you. “Living in Massachusetts could be nice, I think. Thanks f’everything, MK. Gonna get home, but I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Slumping back onto the couch after he lets go, you nod sleepily. “Mmhm, AP Lit. homework.” You peer up at him as he ruffles your hair with one hand, the other pulling a cig from your pack before tossing it back to you. You ache a bit, watching as he leaves with a little salute.

Only when the door clicks shut do the tears begin to fall.

Weeks pass one after the next, anxiously waiting for your college decisions. On a chilly March morning you wake in the Gallagher’s living room. Lip is already awake, fixing up something for his younger siblings. You rise from your spot in the recliner, closing the legs and stretching your aching limbs. You shuffle into the kitchen and steal a strip of bacon from the plate on the counter.

“Can’t believe you let me sleep all night in that chair,” you tease, directed at Lip as you cover Liam’s little ears with your hands to add, “fuck you for that.”

Lip just scoffs, “yeah you’d love that,” he teases, and you open the fridge to hide the embarrassed flush on your cheeks. “Looked real comfy, didn’t wanna wake you. It was like two in the morning anyways.”

At that moment Debbie steps in the door from checking the mail. She screams Lip’s name, making him jump as she runs up, waving a thick red and black envelope. “It’s for you! Look!”

The fridge is closed just as quickly as you opened it, anxiously peering over his shoulder as he fumbles to open the envelope. “Shit! You do it MK, I can’t look.” When he passes it over you notice he’s trembling. With careful hands you tug at the opening flap, pulling out a folder with a letter enclosed.

You read from the paper, “Phillip Gallagher, congratulations on your acceptance to Massachusets Institute of Technology!”

You watch Lip’s eyes go wide, fingers reaching for the paper. He scans it over then continues where you left off. “Additionally, you have been selected to receive our presidential scholarship for academic achievement… which will cover the full cost of tuition.”

You hear quick thumps as Fiona and Ian clamber down the stairs. “You got in?” the older asks excitedly.

“I-I got in… And I got a fuckin’ scholarship,” he states in awe.

Before Lip can register, Fiona is throwing her arms around him. “Knew you could do it, look at you, a Gallagher goin’ to college!” She holds him at arms length, tears welling in her eyes.

When she finally lets him go, Lip turns to you with a proud smile. “I did it, MK.”

You swallow thickly, forcing a smile. “I’m so proud of you, Lip,” you tell him, pulling him in for a hug of your own. When you pull away you wipe tears from your eyes, hoping the assumption will be that they’re tears of joy. “Gotta go home, get dressed an’ all that. I’ll see you at school.”

You walk quickly from the room, hand covering your mouth to conceal a sob the moment you step out into the morning chill. You’re happy for him, really, you are. But your stomach twists in knots at the thought. You’d applied to a few schools, but your eyes were set on UChi from the beginning. Beautiful campus, and close enough to come home if you wanted. Staying in your city will be nice, but reality has started to settle in.

It’ll still be your city, just without your best friend. You wonder if it’ll feel emptier.

THX 4 READING → this chapter is dedicated to @ariiireads, and is 100% un beta'd :D

#lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x you #lip gallagher x y/n #lip gallagher fluff #lip gallagher angst #shameless fanfic #shameless x reader #written by maggie [fics]#wild & fluorescent [mkverse]#❀ series: borderline

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doshiart · 11 months ago

Text

F1 AU // GALLAVICH

Ian Gallagher is a racing driver, a young star of the McLaren team. Mickey is just a car technician, who only recently joined the team as a trainee.

/long read backstory below/

Okay, I've thought about this a lot. So.. Shameless US but.. huh? living in UK?

First of all, because Formula 1 is more popular in Europe. Secondly, because I want to alter the story of Mickey's growing up. Make it a story about a little boy persevering towards his dreams. And how a simple childhood passion can grow into a potential job opportunity.

If briefly, below I talk about Mickey's developmental stages, along with his final emigration from Ukraine to the UK.

I'm not going into Ian's backstory here. But I'll mention this in more detail at the very end of the post, if you get to the end. Ha ha. Have fun reading!!

---------------

Mickey was six, just a little boy, when he first saw a F1 race on TV. And he was amazed by how quickly the cars could go and how quickly the mechanics performed at pit stops. (Are these even mechanics? Well, they turn the wheels, dad does the same thing in the garage and considers himself a mechanic).

When the next year he went to school in his first grade, then to all the teachers' questions or questionnaires with their “What do you want to be when you grow up?” he confidently answered as clearly as his childish language could, that he would definitely become a F1 mechanic. Even though he received only gentle smiles in reaction to his naivety of being a kid, the desire took root in his little head.

---

As he grew older, he continued to enjoy racing, watching every race weekend he could. And while he was a child this did not cause any particular problems. Mom encouraged him in his interests and every New Year gave him tiny branded cars of the teams he loved. But as he gets older, the more often he hears from dad that he is interested in some stupid things. And he didn't want to hear a word about racing at all. As soon as Mickey mentioned it even once, he was cut off mid-sentence.

These are not real cars.

Real mechanics work in a garage with real cars, not kids' toys for show.

Come down to earth. It’s all somewhere far away and you never even get to one of these races in your life.

---

Well, Mickey talks less about racing out loud anymore. Especially after mom's gone.

Tiny model cars disappeared into the closet's darkness.

His dad began to drag him into their garage more often so that he would get used to work and not wander around idle, lost in his stupid dreams. He had to skip live racing broadcasts as a result. It was sort of suicidal acts to turn this on in the garage on a small TV instead of some dumb music channel with hit songs. Mickey had learnt long ago to keep his mouth shut.

Just listen. Bring it. Grab it. Repair simple details. Don't go under the hood. Don't touch this, don't touch that. And especially don't break anything. Blah blah blah.

Jesus, are you even a man? Take your gentle hands away if you're not ready to get dirty.

---

Despite everything, Mickey still had a dream. One day, he hopes to watch a real-life race. Hear the noise of wheels flying over the track, the roar of engines, the screams of a supportive crowd. He prefers to never talk about his own desire to work as a car mechanic or engineer in F1.

---

Mickey was sixteen when he left after ninth grade for a vocational college to applied mechanics specialty.

Because, well, he had good reasons for leaving school two grades early. At the very least, he was already tired of going to school. He didn't even have any friends there. Yes, he communicated with classmates, but that's not it. It's forced. Just so as not to be an outcast and maintain the status of the Milkovich family by playing dirty tricks at school and bullying others. Did he like it? Absolutely not. These guys were idiots with stupid jokes and always picking on chicks.

They kept asking if he liked any of them and talking about how they looked all the time. Mickey never liked anyone. It wasn't that the girls were ugly, he just didn't find them attractive. But he pushed these thoughts away and ignored them. Left it somewhere near to the tiny race cars in the darkness.

Also, classmates called him into fights on regularly. Not that he was against kicking someone's dumb ass, but that he would prefer better reasons than just trying to prove whose class is above.

Another reason is that, in their family, working with their hands and having a real profession are more valued than going to higher education. Because this is a job for real men. Where will all these managers, lawyers, accountants, stupid psychologists be when their car breaks down? Mechanics will always have work and profit.

As well, Mickey is deeply curious about the workings of the engine and wants to fully understand its mechanisms. He will therefore be able to study this in practice with teachers, rather than with a psychotic bastard who screams at the slightest opportunity.

The only thing Mickey truly wanted to learn at school was English. Not because he loved it. This gave him at least some hope of "breaking abroad for the sake of a good life". Perhaps the main reason for his success was that he had a really great teacher who pushed and encouraged him. Sometimes he would stick around after class and stay just to talk with her. Mickey felt parental care, which he hasn't received lately.

“I believe that you can achieve a lot, Mikhailo. Just believe in yourself.” She told him and he believed her, hugging her a little longer so as not to show his wet eyes.

And well, after leaving school, these words sometimes came to mind during the saddest times, when he returned home after a long day of school combined with an exhausting shift in the family garage. Every time he spoke with his dad, he felt terribly devastated. The dream was literally slipping out from Mickey's hands. A pipe dream, is that what they say? Well, at least he'll try to do something.

---

Mickey was twenty when he graduated and by this time he was actively saving money, hiding it in different places. Also, he planned his escape from home, considered the best routes, and looked at what things he should take with him, confused about whether he would ever return home again.

As he approached his twenty-first birthday, he finally decided to do it. With only a spark of hope, he was ready to leave for nowhere. And okay, Mickey was a realist; he was aware that things might not work out at all and that he would have to return back eventually. But he'll do anything, though, to make sure that this doesn't happen, to avoid having to meet his dad's derisive gaze once more as his goal gets mocked.

After all, a dream is a dream, right? He also had skills and language abilities in his pocket. So he's really ready to do anything to attain even the tiniest success.

---

To get to UK, Mickey had to go through a long journey of transfers from bus to train, from train to plane. He's terribly tired, but here he is. He stands and watches as the new country greets him with heavy rain.

He first found it difficult to adjust to other people's smiling faces. There were a few times when he didn't feel at home because everyone was so friendly and lovely. And these people were incredibly talkative. He'll have to get used to this if he plans to stay here.

The first difficulties he encountered occurred at the department while filling out a form for migrants.

“Mik.. Mikai.. Mikaelo?”

“Mikhailo.” Mickey interrupted.

The employee's eyes stared blankly at him.

He sighed. “Ugh.. Mickey? Yeah, Mickey.”

“Okay, Mickey. Here you are.”

---

Mickey got a job as a mechanic for a small business fairly quickly thanks to his abilities. He was so easily and warmly accepted into the friendly team. Here he first felt respect while working. Mickey got assistance from the job department in extending his visa to stay in the country. His job also provided him with a tiny apartment, deducted from his paycheck.

After a while, feeling a little more self-assured, Mickey started saving money for qualifying courses that would help him in the future.

---

Mickey was almost twenty-four when he successfully obtained all the qualifications that were necessary for the job, as well as to be sure of himself and his knowledge. During this time two full racing seasons had passed. He attended only one race at Silverstone. This was his almost full year in the UK. His skin broke out in goosebumps when he saw the track in person. It wasn't quite what he expected. Mickey literally stood in one place and once in a while cars would drive by. On TV they show a larger overview, but still. He was excited. In this grand prix, a new young racer from the McLaren team took third place for the first time. His name seems to be Ian, and he likes to take risks on the track, driving the car while presenting a strong sense of confidence. And his hair perfectly matches with the team's car.

He missed the second race due to a qualifying exam. But he's not upset. Mickey is closer than ever to his dream. If everything works out, he'll see even more racing. If not, well, then he'll continue to work repairing regular cars. Perhaps he'll be able to attend grand prix events in other countries during his holidays?

But now it's the middle of the season and he's standing in the lobby of the McLaren Technology Center. He's trembling a little and his wild eyes are scanning everything in the immediate area.

Mickey can't believe the reality of what's happening. No he didn't become a mechanic. But.. it's still impressive. He was interviewed and tested to become a temporary vehicle technician for the team as an intern. He was told something about a possible career advancement and access to other things once he completed more qualifications, but he's not sure he heard everything correctly.

Later they tested him on team tests on the track. He's surprised that he was able to concentrate on his speed and did everything exactly as needed.

He actually became… exactly the one who changes the wheels and does minor repairs. He joined the technical team and will also work on pit stops during the races. And well, okay, if everything that's happening isn't a dream, he's really happy. Extremely happy. Of course, the longer he studied, the more he wanted to do engineering and development. But that's the tiny step, right? This is already more than anything he could have imagined. He saw the race in real life from the stands, and now he got the opportunity to see everything from the staff. He'll interact directly with the racing car. He might even hear how the team interacts with racers. Unbelievable.

Through the noise in his ears, Mickey hears someone standing beside him talking in a muffled voice.

“Hey! You're a new technician, right?”

The guy had already taken off his helmet when Mickey turned around. He softly smiles while stroking his fiery red hair.

Mickey stared at him. When he was brought to the track, he thought that some tester was sitting in the car, but not their young star.

“Yeah. Hope so…” He twitched his lip and scratched nose. “You're Ian, right?”

Of course this is Ian, what a stupid question. It's too embarrassing.

The redhead smile became even larger.

“Yeah…”

And just as he was about to add something else, one of the staff called Ian to go back and he hurriedly turned to Mickey and said quickly, “Oh, uh, see ya later then, gotta go.”

---------------

I'm glad I finally wrote and drew this. This idea has literally taken over my head so much that I don't have the energy to write Ian's backstory in the same way. Once again I am convinced that writing is hard work. And I want to say again about my love for writers. YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. For my brain, drawing is easier than writing. But it was fun!

!!!AND!!! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! If someone suddenly wants to write a big multi-chap slowburn fic or little drabble or do anything, I'll be happy so much with absolutely anything!!

---------------

Let's talk about Ian now. I was actually going to write a backstory for him too. Maybe at least some minor notes, but I'm not quite sure how best to connect his bipolar with racing. Usually because racers drive go-karts from childhood, get into the junior league and generally build a racing career for years. Maybe he had a breakdown somewhere between seasons and it was quickly noticed?? I don’t know… And I think about how the team constantly checks him, which at times upsets him and forces him to prove to everyone that he is fine and able to drive the car.

Most likely, in this AU, Gallaghers are either rich, or Ian has a sponsor, if you know what I mean… From this fact, a whole lot can change in story. And the second thing seems more likely to me.

I was thinking about how Ian joined the McLaren team at the age of 21, and by the time he first met Mickey he was 22. He had been stable for a long time on medication.

So I'm also considering the possibility that somewhere between his 17-19 years he disappeared from the radar and came back when he found a sponsor who could pay for everything he needed and help him get into the F1 league. At first it was the weakest team, until his potential was noticed and he was offered to move to another team. This fact with the sponsor will probably put a lot of spokes in the wheels (ha).

Racer's body is undergoing an enormous physical strain, so they spend a lot of time in the gym. And Ian really enjoys working out with his team.

Another interesting fact: racers have a super-strong neck to be able to cope with gravitational forces during the race. Therefore, special attention is paid to neck in training. (It seems from the moment I found out this my little fixation began…)

---------------

I think there's a lot of pining here or something. They seem to be nearby, but due to different job responsibilities, at completely distinct levels. And I really want to read something like this with so slow burning.

So, I guess you can consider this as a big prompt for writing, if it inspires you.

Thanks for reading! <3

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thebearer · 1 year ago

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Throughout the show esp in the beginning we see the Gallagher having each others back and the older ones are always protective over the younger ones so just thinking about how lip’s three boys would be with Amelia 😭😭 like she comes home crying from school one day cause someone pulled on her pigtails and her brothers come after the little boy and warn him to stay away. She doesn’t only have lip wrapped around her finger but her brothers as well. Like sure they’ll fight with each other and get on each others nerves but once someone else messes with one of them it’s over.

as much as they fight, and they do, that's their baby sister. they'd ride out for her.

i feel like freddie would be a good seven or eight years older than her just bc (following the show but eliminating tammy lol) he was a whoopsie. jude is two years younger than freddie and five years older than amelia, and ronan (we agreed on ronan right??? lmk if we didn't i don't think we've established baby boy number three) is fourish years younger than jude only a yearish older than amelia (bc she was a total and complete whoopsie).

but amelia rides the bus with ronan in elementary school. she's a little second grader, and he's in third so they sit in different places. he doesn't see until they get off that she's crying. some older boy, in his class, was messing with her.

she's crying in her room, won't tell anyone including you. ronan tells freddie and jude when they're like, "what's wrong with mia?" about the boy, and suddenly, the boys are gonna go outside to play. you don't think much about it until they come home later. jude's nose is bleeding and they're all dirty, like they've been rolling around in dirt. none of them will tell you what happened, not even lip- though he thinks he knows.

the boy's mother calls furiously, telling you that your boys beat her son unprovoked. you know your boys wouldn't do that, but you assure her you'll talk to them. lip offers to, going up to their rooms. gives them the classic "violence isn't the answer" type spiel.

"i don't care if this guy pissed you off, alright? you can't just go around beatin' people because they make you mad. the kids like ten anyways, so ronan, if you got an issue you can't get your brothers-"

"-dad, it wasn't ro. he was picking on mia." jude says.

lip pauses, his face falling. he really thought they were just being stupid like he and ian used to be. getting into shit because they were bored and wanted a fight. not this.

"what?" lip snaps, looking at each of his boys. "what'd he do to mia?"

"he made her cry on the bus." ronan admits. "i didn't see it because i sit on the other side, but she said he was yanking her hair and-and stole her pencil box and broke all her crayons and pencils."

"you didn't say he did that." freddie grit, eyes cutting to ronan's.

"i forgot." ronan shrugged lightly.

"stop." lip held up his hands, looking from boy to boy. "this kid was fuc-messin' with your sister? that's why you beat on him?" all three boys nodded slowly.

lip crossed his arms over his chest, shrugging lightly. "he gonna bother her again?"

"no. we scared him, pops. he pissed himself." freddie grinned proudly.

lip snorted lightly, running a hand over his face. "yeah? ok. well, i take back what i said. none of that shit applies when it's about your sister. good for you takin' care of her. all of you. proud of you." he beamed. "don't tell you mom i said that."

"we won't." jude nodded.

"but if he starts again, you tell me or mom ok? we'll get it handled. gonna call the school anyways and get her moved away from that little shit." lip muttered.

and that he did, calling the school board in true gallagher style and demanding she be moved, which she was. the kid never bothered amelia again, not when he knew the gallagher boys would be after him.

#thebearer #bearblahs #thebearerblurbs #lip gallagher #dad!lip gallagher x mom!reader #dad!lip gallagher #lip gallagher blurb #lip gallagher fluff #freddie gallagher #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x fem!reader #lip gallagher x female reader #shameless fluff #shamless us #shameless #ronan carl gallagher #jude ian gallagher #amelia fiona gallagher

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idabbleincrazy · 2 months ago

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We Make Our Own Destiny: Ageless (Ch.5)

Fandom: Smallville

Rating: M (E overall)

Pairing: Clex

Characters: Clark Kent, Lex Luthor, Lana Lang, Evan, Chloe Sullivan, Jonathan Kent, Tanner Sutherland

Word Count: 2779

Warnings: angst, episode rewrite, teen parenthood

Summary: Clark tracks down Tanner, everyone deals with bad news.

A/N: I probably could have added another scene to this, but I kinda wanted to blend a couple scenes together in the next chapter, and am still working out altering Tanner's fate slightly. Sorry this fic keeps taking so long to write, I really think I got in over my a head a bit with this series 😅

Clark had managed to make it to the school just as the last class was dismissed, and within seconds, he tracked Chloe down, and caught her up on the situation as they head through the halls to the Torch's office.

“Well, our friendly phone company just got friendlier. I was able to trace the 911 call back to a cell phone. His mother was Karen Gallagher. She was a senior here.”

Chloe hands him the Smallville High yearbook, showing him a picture of Karen.

“I remember hearing about her. Was she Wall of Weird material?”

Entering the office, Chloe heads straight for the computer, setting things up as they talk.

“I got a couple blips on the radar when I heard that she had a knack for shorting monitors whenever she walked into the computer lab, but I had no idea that super-fast pregnancy powers were part of the equation.”

“How long was she pregnant for?”

“Well, last weekend, Christina Varrano had a party at her house, and Karen apparently went NC-17 with some guy in the bedroom. Christina has no idea who the guy was.”

“So she got pregnant and delivered a baby a week later?”

Chloe nods an affirmative, just as bewildered.

“We need to find Evan's father. He's the only real hope we have at saving him.”

Chloe settles into her chair, Clark's pain obvious in his eyes. Even Lana had sounded like she'd been crying recently when she had called a few minutes before Clark showed up. This kid must really be something.

“Okay, gimme a minute.”

She's not typing for long before she finds a trail to follow.

“Looks like Christina used e-vite to send out all her invitations. I guess ours got lost in the electronic mail. Let's just check all the RSVP's and try to track him down.”

Chloe pulls up a list of names and Clark looks over them. She separates the boys from the list, and after five minutes of applied knowledge of the current rumor mill, whittles the list down to five names. Printing up the list, she turns to Clark. She feels a tug of guilt at what she really wants to ask, more leading questions that would push him into telling her about his abilities, and forces out a more relevant question.

“You really care about this kid, huh?”

“Yeah, Chlo, I do. And so do Lana and Lex. It's…it's really hard, knowing that this is mostly out of our hands, what happens to him.”

It hurts, to see him put on that forced smile even as his eyes grow watery, and not be able to comfort him the way he needs to be, to not be able to pull him into her arms and tell him that no one expects him to save everyone, even with all his powers. She feels it, deep down in some place she cannot name, that that will never be her privilege. Maybe someday she'll at least be granted the honor of acknowledging what she already knows, but this is not that day.

“I'm sorry there isn't more I can do to help, but if you need any more info, just gimme a call, okay?”

Clark nods and rushes out the door. Chloe turns back to her computer screen, unnerved. It's not often that Clark is faced with something his powers couldn't fix, and she remembers how bad it got for him when he lost Ryan. She just hoped Lana could help keep him from sinking into that funk this time. Or Lex. Lex always had a special knack for brightening Clark's world; when they weren't on the outs, anyway. And considering how close Clark is keeping Lex in the midst of all this, she's more apt to put her money on Lex this time around. She senses a shift of monumental proportions has taken place, and honestly, it's about damn time.

The first two guys on the list had led to dead ends, one having hooked up with a different girl at the party, the other embarrassedly admiting to getting sick after a few beers and leaving early. Neither had any idea who Karen even was, let alone who she'd snuck off with to one of the guest rooms. Checking into the third name on the list, Clark entered Massey's Garage, paper still in hand. He steps up to a middle-aged man working under a lifted car.

“Excuse me. Does Tanner Sutherland work here?”

The man paused and looked up at Clark. “Yeah, he's over there.” He points towards the back of the garage with his wrench.

“Thank you.”

Clark walks to the back where Tanner is working on a car, hidden behind the lifted hood, tinkering.

“Tanner?”

Without straightening up from his work, Tanner calls out.

“Leave your car around back, I'll get to it.”

Clark walks around the hood to see Tanner. He recognizes the kid from one of his classes last semester, remembers he hadn't been all that social, time split between studying and picking up extra shifts to help his parents out. And now, he might have a kid of his own. A dying kid who's already almost their own age. Clark takes a breath and approaches the young man.

“Hey, were you at Christina Varrano's party last week?”

Tanner hedges, finally looking away from the engine he was fiddling with. There's a nervousness to his demeanor that even Clark can pick up on.

“Uh, I don't remember. I…” He wipes his hands with a rag, avoiding eye contact with Clark. “I think I was working that night.”

“So you didn't hook up with Karen Gallagher?”

“What do you want?” Tanner's tone sharpens, stepping around the car towards Clark. “Who the hell are you?”

“I'm the guy who found your son, laying in the middle of a field.”

Clark feels a surge of protective anger, sure that Tanner is Evan's father. He knows evasive when he hears it. Tanner's face pales, even as he shakes his head in denial.

“Look, dude, I don't have a son, and...and I don't know what you're talking about, all right? I got work to do.”

Tanner tries to walk away and Clark grabs his arm roughly. He knows it's a lot to lay at someone’s feet, but he can't lose this one chance to save Evan’s life.

“I'm not going to let you walk away from this.” Clark pulls Tanner around to face him, schooling the building anger off his face. “Look, I know you didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. You have a responsibility.”

Tanner tugs at his unbreakable grip, his voice breaking.

“Get off me, man. What's your problem?”

“My problem is that your son needs your help. Now tell me how he got in that field.”

Clark feels Tanner's defeat, the shorter teen slumping in his grasp. He lets him go, watches him remember.

“I got with this girl at a party. I was drunk, we both were. I didn't even think about condoms or anything, I screwed up. The next day, she calls me up, crying, saying she's...she's pregnant. And yeah, seemed a bit early to know that, right? But, I go over, and her stomach...it was already…” Tanner shakes his head in disbelief. “A week later, we were in my car, we're speeding to the hospital and she's screaming, it's coming!, and she starts glowing! And then the car, it went up like a freakin' a-bomb! That wasn't a baby. It was some kind of monster. It killed Karen.”

Rage wars with understanding, and Clark struggles to keep his voice even.

“He's a human being, Tanner, and he's your son. His name is Evan. He's aging rapidly.” Clark steps closer, like he's approaching a wounded animal, needing Tanner to understand “He needs your help. He needs a bone marrow transplant. You're the only one who can help him. He such a brilliant kid, if you could just-”

“What? No! Look, I can't deal with this. I never wanted any of this to happen, but, I'm sorry. I can't. I hate that I just left Karen like that, but I was so scared. Christ, I'm just a kid myself, man, how…how am I supposed to deal with this? I just want out of this crazy-ass town!”

Clark feels a warning rush of sad calmness, Lex, soothing his growing ire as Tanner steps around him and walks out of the garage. He lets Lex's projected stoicism surround him, stopping him from speeding after the teen and forcing him to understand. The cell Lex gave him rings in his pocket, and he pulls it out, grateful for this weird bond between him and his boyfriend.

“Lex…”

“I know. I'll meet you back at the farm in half an hour. We'll find a way.”

Back home, Clark distracts himself with chores as he waits for Lex, moving bags of feed in the barn and talking to Jonathan. He still has to fight against the urge to run through Smallville and track Tanner down.

“How could someone do that to their own son?”

Jonathan sets his own bag down onto the pile and steps over to Clark, hating the anger and fear he sees in his son's eyes.

“Clark, being a father is an enormous responsibility. The kid is just too young to handle it.”

“I'm handling it! Lex and Lana are handling it! He's Evan's only hope,” Clark can't stop his voice from cracking, “and Evan's going to die if we can't convince him to help.”

“I know that, son, and we're gonna figure it out.” God, he hopes they figure it out. That Lex can use that genius brain of his to save his son from this heartache. “But what's more important right now is what are we gonna tell Evan?”

“Maybe it's best I don't even tell him I found his father. He's gonna take it pretty hard.”

Jonathan claps a hand on Clark's shoulder, sighing.

“Son, an orphaned child has every right to know about his origins. You should know that better than anybody. I'll tell you what...I'll talk to him, okay? I mean, I do have a little experience in that department.”

Clark gives his father a half-smile, shaking his head.

“Thanks, Dad, but I think I should tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Clark turns to see Lana and Evan walking through the open doorway, Evan's face lighting up. “Did you find my father?

Clark doesn't answer, his throat dry, and his heart clenching. He had hoped Lex would get here before they did, to help ease Evan into the bad news. Another wave of comfort trickles through the connection, a ballast for his nerves.

“Clark, where is he?” Lana's lips curve in a worried frown, and he suspects she's figured it out.

“He works downtown...at Massey's Auto Garage. His name's Tanner Sutherland.”

“When can I see him?”

The hopeful look on Evan's face tears at Clark’s already shredded heart. He flounders for a response, and breathes a quiet sigh of relief when Jonathan intervenes.

“Look, Evan, um, sometimes, when you meet your biological father, it can be painful.”

“Why? I don't understand.”

Clark thinks of Jor-El's imprint, of the pain and confusion and disappointment.

“They don't always live up to your expectations, Evan. Trust me, I know.”

“But I want to see him.”

Lana turns to Evan, the weight of the situation heavy on her heart.

“Evan, we're just trying to protect you.”

“You can't protect me. No one can.”

“Just calm down, okay?” Lord knew Clark was angry enough for the both of them.

“Stop telling me what to do, Clark!” Evan aims his words to hurt, lashing out through his own pain. “You're not my father.”

Evan runs up the stairs to the loft.

“Evan!”

“Clark.” Jonathan shakes his head, stopping him from following after Evan. He knows from angsty teenagers. “Give him some time to cool down.”

Clark is about to protest as Lex steps into the barn behind them.

“From the sound of things, looks like I missed some upsetting news.”

It takes everything in Clark not to rush to Lex, to pull him into a tight embrace. Settles for the split-second glance of sympathy cast his way, the mental brush of warmth along his spine. Receives a placebo in Lana wrapping an arm around him in Lex's place; not the comfort he wants, but the comfort the trio knows Jonathan will not think to question.

“Evan's father, Tanner, refuses to have anything to do with this.” Jonathan feels a little more of his icy regard for Lex melt away at the obvious pain radiating from the young man's eyes, the only hint at emotion the stoic businessman will let show through. He reminds himself that Lex has felt loss far too often for his age, an infant brother, followed too soon by his mother. “Have your scientists found any other option to slow this thing down?”

“No, Mr. Kent. None of the tests so far have yielded any positive results. I've even flown in a doctor that specializes in progeria, but she thinks the treatment will only buy us a few hours, a day at most. But I haven't given up.”

Jonathan looks between the three younger adults, for that's what Lana, what his son, are now. Adults, with a responsibility thrust upon them that they are ill prepared to handle, and he feels a swell of sadness, and pride, for this trio, dealing with this hard task so bravely. A major shift had taken place, and Jonathan had the feeling he wasn't seeing the entire picture, something niggling at the back of his mind that he couldn't pin down.

“Look, why don't the three of you go help Martha with dinner. She's already called the school to excuse you and Lana, for today and tomorrow. The rest of the chores can wait till later. I'll see if I can get Evan to come back to the house.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Clark gave Jonathan a watery smile and followed behind Lex, easing himself out of Lana's embrace as nonchalantly as he could. He appreciated the gesture, but it didn't compare. As soon as they were out of sight of the barn window, he fell into step beside Lex, taking up the offered hand. He could feel pain and anger to match his flowing between them, knows Lex has become just as attached to Evan as he has.

Lex slows their pace, letting Lana continue up to the house ahead of them.

“Where does this Tanner kid work? Maybe I can…convince…him to change his mind.”

“Lex-”

“With money, Clark, not threats. The procedure for a bone marrow transplant often leads to a lengthy recovery, so many people decline donating. Maybe if I take care of the financial aspect, talk to his boss about time off, he'll agree.”

“Maybe. He did say he wanted outta Smallville.” Clark looked at Lex, seeing only earnest desperation. “Okay. He works over at Massey's Garage. I don't know how late his shift runs.”

Lex is interrupted from responding by the shrill ring of his cell.

“Luthor.” Lex's expression darkens as he listens to the person on the other end, and Clark feels a spike of fear through the bond. He tunes his hearing to listen to the other side of the conversation. “Is there any possibility of an error?”

“We've run the projections three times, sir. Even with the progeria treatment, there's no way to stall it without the donor marrow.”

Lex growls and flips his phone closed, squeezing it tightly in his hand. Clark tries to soothe him through the bond as he steps closer, taking Lex's hand and uncurling his fingers from around the cell that would have gained a cracked screen if Lex had been any stronger.

“What's wrong?”

“I've just been informed that Evan's cell division is increasing exponentially, along with the energy he expels when he ages. We have only a few hours to stabilize Evan with Tanner's marrow. According to the projections, Evan is building towards a massive chronological event.”

Clark gasps, calculations and permutations running through his speeding mind.

“So he'll, what? Be about eighty the next time he ages? He's still going to die too soon?”

“It's even worse than that, Clark. The next time Evan ages, he'll release enough energy to kill himself and anyone else at hand. We have to find Tanner and make him change his mind. Evan doesn't deserve this, he deserves a full life.”

Clark wrenches his teary gaze from Lex's at the sound of Jonathan shouting.

“Evan ran off. Three guesses where he's headed.”

~~~~~

@leatafandom

#smallville fanfic #clex fanfic #clex #smallville #episode rewrite

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m4ndysk4nkovich · 1 year ago

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maybe some people will disagree, but i personally believe that to actually be an apologist/defender of a certain character you have to be able to hold them accountable when they fuck up

#this post applies to any character really but i’m specifically talking about various shameless characters #i just feel like if you are such a hardcore apologist/defender you’d understand their character better #but if you just defend EVERYTHING even when the character themselves knows they’re wrong your views on the character are biased #like i’m a debbie gallagher defender/apologist- do you know how many times she’s majorly fucked up? many times #i hold her accountable for what she did #and instead of defending everything she’s done i offer my perspective and explain why she did what she did #even though i joke and say ‘__ does no wrong!’ that’s actually stupid and if you defend everything a character has done idk what to tell you #unless the character is like a literal child who genuinely has made no mistakes and has no flaws #but real good characters are flawed and overlooking those flaws diminishes the entire character #text #shameless #debbie gallagher

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gay-dorito-dust · 9 months ago

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I just KNOW that Gallagher is the most amazing pillow. Big man… big pillow… just gonna rest on top of him and take a snooze to destress…

Okay but those hands on your back?? Light scratching or just rubbing up and down?? Literal heaven. Don’t know if I’d rather hide between his neck and shoulder or if I’d rather rest on his chest… choices, choices…

I think he’d happily let himself be resigned to being a pillow for the right person, I think he’d adore the domestic vibes, lounging together at home on the bed, or even one of the couches at the lounge/bar.

I love him. Need to go insane.

You’re not wrong and ngl I need that man to be my pillow like rn cuz work has been something these past fee weeks, and I’ve never been more in need of a Gallagher rn.😂

I’d like to think that besides being a fantastic pillow, he’d be a great massager also with those hands of his. He could work the muscles and get rid of any and all problems you have, and he knows just how much or how little pressure he has to apply too.

Personally I would rest my head in his neck or his chest…or maybe his thighs or stomach. but like you said there’s too many good choices to choose from that requires some deep thought going into 🤣

Either way that man runs warm and he’d be great to cuddle up to in the winter, summer however…probably not as much but that depends on how well you can handle the heat bc I can’t and I’d rather not have anyone touch me during the hotter days of the summer. I get really cranky and agitated about it bc I’m too warm.

I wholeheartedly agree with Gallagher being a lover of the domestic stuff, especially if it’s with the right person, as he’d be more than willing to do just about anything with them and love it regardless. So if they want to lounge on the couch or want to learn how to make drinks, then he’s more than happy to oblige.

Where can I find myself a Gallagher? I need one asap and have a cuddle/Power Nap session.

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valeriianz · 2 years ago

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so, i HAVE an idea for something 00's romcommy (thanks to @carnelianmeluha and @wordsinhaled) but as i was writing it, i thought to myself, "but they need backstory!" and what was going to be just a few paragraphs of introspection turned into a 3.3k high school AU set in the 90s. so, have this for now. part 2 will be up whenever i feel like it :)

--------------------------------------------------

“Dream!”

Hob found him in a corner, blending into the shadows and had to laugh as he looked up at the sound of his name. He was wearing black, as usual, with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his tight jeans.

“So glad to see you here.” Hob said as he approached, looking upon his friend with a little less restraint than he typically allowed. The vodka-spiked punch was hitting him hard.

Dream relaxed a modicum, his shoulders visibly drooping as his chin tilted up.

“I am only here because you invited me.”

Hob’s smile only widened as he leaned forward.

“Then I’m flattered. Do you want a drink?”

Dream shrugged and Hob laughed again, turning halfway and inclining his head for Dream to follow him.

Hob, despite being in with the more popular kids in his grade, wasn’t the biggest fan of house parties. He knew Dream wasn’t either; moreso, in fact. Dream was more likely to be found spending his Friday nights cooped up in the library, nose stuck in a book.

But tomorrow they were graduating from high school, and Hob’s parents weren’t coming back from their anniversary trip until the morning. Which meant this was Hob’s last chance to throw an epic rager.

Though Derek Gallagher, the star athlete of their high school’s football team, was also throwing a party tonight, so it was less of a rager going on here, and more of a casual hang sesh. Hob couldn’t complain though. At least he liked the dozen or so people in his parent’s house, and at least cleaning up the next day wouldn’t be impossible. And no one had messed with the volume control for the music yet; 90s hip hop and r&b dripping through the entertainment system.

Hob nabbed a red solo cup and ladled out the sweet drink into it, passing it along to Dream, who took it with a suspicious look before taking a sip.

Dream immediately blanched.

“Oh. That’s awful.”

Hob laughed again before biting his bottom lip. Dream didn’t seem to mind though, his own little smile peeking through.

“You can dilute it with more juice in the fridge, if you want.”

Throughout the evening, Hob tried to keep his attention on more than just Dream at his side, chatting with his fellow classmates and laughing along to stories and jokes, one last go at clearing up the rumor mill.

And though Dream mostly kept quiet, he did acknowledge those who greeted him, congratulated him on getting into a university in England, how fun it was going to be moving overseas, to which Dream hummed and nodded politely.

Hob was the only one who knew the truth: that Dream’s parents were sending him away. That while Dream had been accepted on an academic scholarship, it was only because his family had set it up for him. Had forced him to apply, had paid for his application and was having him shipped off next month, when Dream would turn 18 and they didn’t have to keep him in their house any longer.

What looked like a privileged situation was actually cruel and heartbreaking. Yes, Dream was going to Oxford. That was insane. Yes, his stupidly wealthy parents were paying for his room and board and what tuition the scholarship didn’t cover. But it was only a drop in the bucket for them. They saw Dream’s future more as a promising investment for when they grew old and needed Dream’s career to take care of them. Not as if they had plenty of money stowed away to keep them afloat during retirement and then some. Or plenty of children, for that matter.

And of course to say they had yet another child in some prestigious university didn’t hurt their reputation either.

Hob managed to derail the subject every time it came up, of where everyone else was going to college. It was inevitable, discussing the future with his classmates, given the timing. But Hob could see Dream sinking more and more into himself as the night went on, holding onto his drink more for his hands to be occupied than anything else.

“I know,’ Johanna announced suddenly, hours bleeding into the late evening. “Let’s liven things up a bit.”

She had several hands help clear a large area in the living room as she procured the empty vodka bottle, shaking it with a drunken twinkle in her eyes.

“Truth or dare, motherfuckers.”

The party, which had been dying down, suddenly turned up again. Everyone refilled their drinks and formed a large circle on the floor.

Dream plopped down next to Hob, folding his legs and throwing a lazy, tipsy smile at Hob. Who had to take another sip of his drink to keep himself from doing something drastic. Like tell Dream how cute he was right now.

His coal black hair was a mess, sticking up and curling around his ears from the excessive amount of times Dream had run his hand through it. His boots were off, his sock-clad toes wiggling in anticipation. And his blue eyes seemed to shine, reflecting off the Christmas lights Hob had hung around the house for the party.

The game started and everyone played along, turning up the stakes and performing various wacky scenarios that only teenagers were capable of escalating. Cori licked Alex’s eyeball on a dare, erupting a chorus of screams and gags and Alex furiously rubbing his eyes afterward. On a demand for truth, Rachel confirmed the rumor that she’d fingered Johanna under the bleachers freshman year to an absolute assault of jeers and hooting and hollering, causing the extremely rare sight of Johanna flushing scarlet from her ears down to her neck.

Naturally the game turned racy after that. Dares to kiss and show off hidden tattoos. Truths to admit who fucked whom and what would you do for such-and-such.

Hob feels himself getting warmer. And not to mention Dream, who remained seated next to him during this entire debauchery, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable as the game wore on. Hob could sense him slowly slipping out of the circle, until his knee lightly touched Hob’s hip, instead of where it had been for the better part of half an hour, resting against his thigh.

Hob turned, finding Dream staring down into his empty cup, turning it around and around in his grasp, and had just opened his mouth to comfort him, when Johanna piped up across from him.

“Hob, truth or dare.”

Hob’s head swung forward, eyes falling on the bottle top pointing directly at him. He sniggered softly, taking another peek over at Dream and finding his eyes now on him. Hob gently laid his hand over Dream’s foot, giving it what he hoped was a comforting squeeze before facing Jo again.

Truth be told, Hob was feeling much too invigorated from the alcohol, and he’d been waiting for his time to shine. Hob loved making a spectacle and so let his smile turn into a smirk, meeting Jo’s challenging stare head on.

“Dare.”

A collection of “ooh”s and delighted giggles spread around the circle.

“Good choice, Hobsie.” Her own brown eyes sparkled with mirth. Hob wasn’t sure when Rachel had crawled into her lap, but didn’t let it distract him from her next words.

“I dare you to…” Jo tilted her chin, tapping it in mock consideration. “Kiss the person the bottle next lands on.”

Oh, easy, Hob thought. About to open his mouth to say so, when Jo spoke up again.

“With tongue.”

“Pfft,” Hob sat up, pushing his chest out. “You’re on.”

He reached forward, licking his lips teasingly as his eyes roamed around the circle of his peers, getting a hand around the bottle and giving it a powerful twirl.

The room went quiet save for a few hushed exchanges and some girls giggling that only made Hob grin flirtatiously. He felt the alcohol in his blood rushing with enough speed to make him dizzy, and the spinning bottle honestly wasn’t helping. But Hob had been patiently waiting his turn all night so watch it he would.

Soon, all eyes followed the bottle as it began to slow, a hush of anticipation that Hob’s peers had been accustomed to all night falling over the circle once more.

Until the bottle finally stopped, and Hob’s heart along with it.

Because the mouth of the bottle pointed squarely at Dream, sitting right next to him.

Scattered hollering and clapping filled Hob’s ears as his gaze flicked sideways to his friend, who was staring at the bottle, his posture ramrod straight, his hands no longer fiddling.

Hob swallowed and ignored the jeering and playful jab at his side from Cori, eyes fixated on his friend, his best friend. Who didn’t like going to parties, who only smiled when he meant it, who only complained about his parents stupid and strict rules only if Hob asked, never wanting to appear annoying, or too much, preferring to keep to the shadows.

Dream, who would fold if only Hob gave him his best pout, allowing himself to be tugged along to a concert or arcade with a well timed joke and friendly pestering. Who seemed like such a stick-up-the-ass to everyone except Hob, who only had eyes for him. Hob’s best friend, shy and awkward and a little mean, and so devastatingly handsome it was a wonder Hob hadn’t had the balls to do something about it yet.

It would take something as juvenile as a dare to finally give Hob the excuse to act upon his helpless crush. Though Dream…

Dream hadn’t looked away from the bottle. Bringing his lips in to form a line and. Hob felt his nerves begin to escape from out his ears.

“Hey…” Hob spoke gently, moving his hand to carefully rest on Dream’s knee.

Dream’s gaze snapped to Hob at once, and the look in his eyes made Hob’s stomach drop.

He looked terrified.

Hob’s breath caught in his throat, the air around them suddenly thick with an unidentified tension.

Cori’s voice popping up over Hob’s shoulder made them both jump.

“C’mon, Morpheus. Hob won’t bite, unless you ask him to!”

Hob sighed loudly, rolling his eyes for the group’s benefit, who eased up with a roll of snickering around them. One time, that happened!

“I–” Dream started, swallowing hard enough for his Adam’s apple to bob harshly. “I’d rather–”

“Just one kiss, Dream,” Hob heard himself say, a little desperate. A little too drunk. “It’ll be really quick…” He felt himself already leaning in and Dream’s lips parted, sucking in an audible breath.

“Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

Jo and Cori started the chant, and everyone around them followed suit, egging Hob and Dream on.

The realistic, rational part of Hob’s brain, which was still muddled by cheap vodka, tried to remind Hob that this was just a game, and Dream didn’t have to do this if he didn’t want to. He’d even opened his mouth to say so, amongst the drunken, teenage laughter and clapping in time to the chant.

But what he spoke, instead of insisting they didn’t have to kiss, that they could potentially even revisit this, and Hob’s ego wouldn’t be bruised, thank you very much, was a quiet,

“Please?”

Dream’s brows pinched together, he looked truly torn and Hob couldn’t figure out what that meant, especially as the seconds ticked away. Driving Hob crazy, waiting for permission; verbally or even a single head nod. Hob wet his lips and his stomach did an acrobatic leap as he caught Dream’s gaze flick down to catch the motion, his shoulders visibly rising as he took a breath.

“No.”

Hob blinked and Dream was untangling himself from the floor, standing up so fast he wobbled, and stomped out of the room.

The chanting died down at once. Hob felt himself frozen to the carpet in the surrounding silence.

Somebody politely coughed. Hob’s gaze found Johanna, who only looked back at him in sympathy, her eyebrows tilted up.

Humiliation and rejection burned in Hob’s chest, crawling up his neck and making his ears hot.

Cori clicked his tongue and Hob whipped his head around to glare at him.

“Tough luck, buddy.”

“Shut up,” Hob hissed, feeling all the more embarrassed for it. He splayed his hands flat on the floor, pushing himself up without another look at his classmates, and walked towards where Dream had vanished to with shaking limbs.

—------------------------------------

Hob found him quickly enough, going through the laundry room and out the door that led to the back yard.

“Dream?”

Blue eyes, barely visible in the darkness, rose to find Hob as he made his way down the steps, sitting across from Dream, against the railing, putting distance between them.

Dream looked forward again, his eyes set, face unreadable. Hob hated that he was drunk at the moment because he’d otherwise never chuckle sarcastically like he’s doing now. Hiding the pain, perhaps, hoping Dream can’t see how ashamed he’s feeling, how rejection boils in his blood and even looking at Dream right now, twists Hob’s insides.

“What the hell?”

Dream takes a long breath through his nose, pushing his shoulders back. And says nothing.

“It would have just been a stupid kiss,” Hob goes on, unprompted. Words tumbling out of his mouth like vomit. “You’re my friend. Is the thought of kissing me so disgusting you need to run away?”

Hob feels his eyes begin to sting and throws his head back, smiling derisively. He was about to start crying. Great.

Once he’s gotten himself under control, Hob tilts his head down and finds Dream watching him, his own gaze softened, if only minutely.

His lips part, voice low and quiet. “You misunderstand me.”

“Then I’d love it if you’d explain,” Hob sighs roughly. “Because you just made me look like an asshole in there.”

Dream shakes his head, unfolding his arms over his lap and getting long, pale fingers around his knobbly knees instead.

“The world is ending tonight.” Dream starts cryptically, staring at how his fingers pick at the tears in his jeans. “Tomorrow we graduate. I’m going to England and we’ll never see each other again.” He looks sideways at Hob, who’s holding his breath.

“And you’re still worried about how people perceive you?” He takes a breath. “You choose to spend your last hours getting drunk and playing juvenile games? Instead of…” Dream gaze flits back toward the house, swallowing.

Hob scoots over, closer to Dream. Summer is right around the corner but the night air is cool still, clean and pleasantly quiet. And Dream blends into the darkness like he belongs there, the stars in the cloudless sky, how they light up the darkness along with the moon, giving just enough illumination to see by, to marvel at Dream sitting on Hob’s back porch steps.

Taking in the wonder that is Hob’s closest friend, beautiful, shy, wicked smart Dream. Hob feels calm fall over him like a blanket. Mulling on Dream’s words, and settling on a response.

“What would you rather be doing?”

Dream finds Hob’s gaze again, and Hob lifts his shoulders, prompting Dream further, but he remains silent. Hob takes a breath, speaking again when Dream doesn’t respond.

“If the world is ending anyway…” Hob starts, licking his bottom lip. “Then just say it.”

Agonizing seconds slip by, where Dream stares at Hob, lips slightly parted, eyes widening.

“I want to kiss you.”

Hob’s heart lurches in his chest and he feels the air leave his lungs. Dream’s voice is so quiet, so fragile, it makes Hob ache.

“But not–” Dream inclines his head slightly, toward the house. “Not like that.”

“Oh…” Hob says eloquently, finding himself petrified once again.

There’s a new tension in the silence that falls between them. Waiting, anticipating. Hob takes a steadying breath and feels like he’s jumping off a cliff.

He gets on hand on the floor between them and leans over, his other hand hovering towards Dream.

“Can I–?”

“Yes.”

Dream meets him halfway, pressing warm, chapped lips to Hob’s, and holding still.

It’s sweet, and careful, and when Dream exhales from his nose, the warm air hitting Hob, his lips part to take a breath and Hob lunges forward, getting a hand around the side of Dream’s face and pulling him in. Hob sweeps his tongue along the seam of Dream’s lips once before diving past, pulling a surprised gasp from Dream that turns into a soft groan.

Hob’s fingers caress into the soft strands of Dream’s hair as they kiss, elation popping off like fireworks under Hob’s skin as he finally is able to touch his friend like this. Move his lips along Dream’s with drunken coordination and vigor, putting as much affection and want into the kiss as Hob could, hoping Dream could understand. Could feel how long Hob has wanted to do this. And as they move together, bodies naturally closing the distance between them and Dream’s hands finsting into Hob’s shirt before weaving up and around his shoulders, Hob understands why Dream would rather share this privately, without an audience of their peers gawking.

Because this was real. Years of repressed yearning and feelings bubbling up to the surface and tumbling forth in exchanged breaths and needy whines, Hob’s fingers digging a little harder into Dream’s scalp, Dream’s hands, in response, clawing at Hob’s back, pulling him impossibly closer as his body arched like a bow so their chests bumped and Hob could feel the heat of his friend’s body against his own.

Hob tore his mouth away, taking a ragged breath, stealing it from Dream, before going back in, again and again, little lips-only kisses that elicited the prettiest noises from Dream. Especially as Hob’s lips wanders down his chin and up his jaw, causing his friend to cling tighter to Hob, tilting his head to give Hob better access, breathing through his mouth, the hot air hitting Hob’s ear and driving him wild.

“Dream…” Hob finally spoke, his low voice painted in arousal and causing Dream to shake in his arms. He nipped Dream’s ear before licking it. “Why is this all coming out now?”

One of Dream’s hands went up into Hob’s hair, fingers tangling in the brown locks as he huffed his response.

“I could ask the same of you.”

Hob smiles, but it’s sad. He’s slowed down now, gently nudging his nose underneath Dream’s ear before pulling back, facing him once more.

Dream’s eyes flutter open and Hob feels struck down. He’s never seen Dream’s eyes so dark, his blue iris’ nearly all encompassed by the black of his pupils. Hob, unable to resist now, taps his nose to Dreams, taking a breath.

“I was scared.”

He can hear how Dream swallows.

“Me too.”

They sit like that for a long moment, holding on to one another, breathing each other’s air, savoring the revelation that had just transpired. And knowing it wouldn’t last.

—-------------

They of course saw each other again at graduation, and throughout the days that followed. Hob prepared to move across the state to his chosen college and Dream prepped to leave the country all together.

Hob offered to drive Dream to the airport on moving day, but Dream shook his head, saying it was already too painful that he was leaving, he didn’t want any lingering looks. Instead Dream’s father took a quick detour to Hob’s house, where Dream stood in Hob’s doorway to say goodbye, and in full view of both their families, all they could do was hug. And Hob put his entire body into it, crushing Dream, who had always been so damn thin and gangly, in his arms and nosing his way into Dream’s hair to take one final, deep inhale.

“We’ll see each other again.” Hob promised, in that hopeful way young people did.

Dream only smiled ruefully, his eyes shining and causing a lump to form in Hob’s throat.

“Promise?”

“Yeah.” Hob nodded, getting his hands around Dream’s face and caressing his thumbs under his eyes and across sharp cheekbones. “You think you can get rid of me that easily?”

Dream huffed out a quiet laugh, the blue of his eyes sparkling.

#dreamling #hob x dream #my need for long buildups will be the death of me #i was gonna end it on a cliffy #just a hint to the flashforward i'll get into next #but ran out of steam #if anyone is curious what happened after this #message me #everything will be explained in part two #but i might wanna drop some teasers first #my writing #dreamling romcom au

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