#how could I not write this when there's a funny punchline at the end

[metamercury]

I can do it. I can write. People (me) would want to read this (me) if I wrote it (me)

[cocoa-rococo]

Koopaling Headcanons: Iggy

Larry | Morton | Wendy | Iggy | Roy | Lemmy | Ludwig

The wild child, the mad lad, the resident scientist himself! I think about him a regular amount.

Left-handed.

His powers are more plant-based, and he's very good at controlling them, but inventing is a big hobby of his that plays into how he attacks. To put it in other terms, he's got Artificer software running on Druid hardware.

His eye color is a rare mutation of his draconic koopa biology, though it does give him some issues with his vision, hence the glasses.

He's definitely wacky, but he's not actually ‘demented’ or ‘insane’ like most think he is. That being said, he likes to play up the whole ‘mad scientist' act around other people because he enjoys their reactions. Maybe a little too much…

April Fool's is a banned celebration in the castle because of him. Not that it stops him from pulling pranks on any other day of the year.

His favorite fruits are more tropical things; kiwis, pineapples, and starfruit.

Prefers Chain Chomps and other animals to people, as he's not great with conversation nor predicting people. Rumor has it that he can actually speak with them, but whether it's true remains to be seen.

He occasionally gets nonverbal when an experiment goes awry, or when he’s so upset he can’t find the words for it. His siblings check in on him every once in a while, and he does end up speaking again after a few hours / a day.

His hair naturally falls into a mohawk like in his earlier depictions; he just likes styling it back to differentiate himself from Lemmy.

Doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he's a big fan of savory things. That said, he does have a fondness for carrot cake.

He actually made his glasses when he realized his eyes didn’t see well with traditional lenses… and because he needed something that was fireproof, blast-proof, and freeze-proof, just to name a few. When he realized he could market it on a professional basis, Iggy’s Glass was created.

He's a big fan of his veggies! He's not a strict vegetarian, nor is he opposed to meat whatsoever, he just likes his greens more. Like I said, Druid hardware.

Speaking of food, if he's craving something, he often decides what to have not by flavor, but by texture. He looooves crunchy stuff or things he can rip into, like sandwiches with hard bread or jerky sticks.

He helps Wendy with her baking hobby! Baking is just another form of chemistry, after all, and he likes having something to do with his hands. He doesn't like cooking much, though. Too much guesswork.

He makes so many things for his siblings for holidays and birthdays, and is always touchingly surprised if they get him something personal or practical (not that he shows it).

He got Morton a camera for his tenth birthday to support his scrapbooking hobby, and is secretly very pleased that Morton takes such good care of it. He also denies crying when Morton showed him the page he made of the two of them with the photos he took.

His handwriting is the worst out of the seven. Given how fast he needs to write to keep up with his experiments, and his habit of using short phrases that only he understands, it's really legible to just him.

He genuinely is pretty funny. His humor is skewed towards shitposter memes thanks to Roy and Larry, but his sense of comedic timing to drop a bomb or punchline is perfect.

Will respond to highly cursed memes and images along the lines of "Oh, that's AWFUL. I LOVE IT."

His currency is amusement. You wanna get on his good side or impress him, making him laugh. This is harder then it sounds; if he can tell you’re trying too hard, he’ll just blast you with sarcasm.

Ludwig is teaching him how to play the accordion. It’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

He's a big fan of bad B-movie horrors, making fun of them while also unironically enjoying how terrible they are. He's got a few posters of them in his room.

He was the dog version of a warrior cats kid. I'm sorry, but it's true.

He likes to collect bugs! It's not a very big collection, seeing as the Darklands is uninhabitable by a majority of insects, but he likes learning and talking about them to anyone interested.

One of the most terrifying generals out of the Koopalings to the troops; not because he’s especially mean or strict or anything, but because you’ll have no idea how he’ll react to something. He is, however, perhaps also one of the the least military-inclined out of his siblings, much preferring his lab to a war room.

Will wear the UGLIEST shirts with zero concerns. Will also wear socks and sandals. Wendy loathes him.

Doesn't like coffee; the taste makes him nauseous. He's more of a soda guy, anyway.

He and Larry are huge sci-fi nerds, and enjoy bonding over comics and mecha anime and going to cons together. Also a big fan of horror; the more gore, the better.

Cannot draw people for shit. Animals and plants he can do okay at, but more in an anatomical kind of way then any artistic sort of style. Blueprints, however, are a different story.

Genuinely likes pistachio ice cream. None of his siblings know why, nor do they want to know.

Like Lemmy, he's very much a fan of pulling a prank and doing the "ohhhh I'm just a little guy, and it's my birthday, I'm a lil birthday boooy" routine. Unlike Lemmy, this rarely works for him.

His lab is his safe haven; it may be a mess in some places, but it's his mess. If you touch something you shouldn't, be prepared to get whacked.

Can and will pick up bugs and eat them. Bonus if they’re dipped in chocolate.

He doesn’t have any particular favorite flowers, but he's got a side hobby of cross-breeding and mutating plants for both science and in the sense of, in his own terms, “fucking around and finding out.”

[tobiasdrake]

Here we go, it's Ranma time. Episode 5! The introduction to Ryoga continues.

God, I love how mournfully quiet this is.

This is what happens when women write women. Male writers don't often think about things like just how much a long-haired girl's hair means to her. Akane's been growing that out for years.

Look at how little she was when she started growing her hair. That is the product of years. Many years. Gone in an instant.

But she rolls with the punches. Akane has remarkable emotional fortitude. She'd kind of have to in order to survive all the shit she's had to put up with in her day-to-day life.

I love that they leave so much unstated, yet clearly implied, about the way her long hair relates to her longstanding crush on Dr. Tofu. When she says she wants to grow it out so she can be like Kasumi, there's an implication there that she thinks Dr. Tofu will like her more if she has Kasumi's hairstyle.

She's trying to walk in her big sister's shoes so that the man who likes her big sister might look her way. An idea that was doomed from the moment of its conception. She was never going to beat Kasumi at being Kasumi, and if she has to try, then she's already failed.

The manga's a bit more explicit about this, as Kasumi directly tells Baby Akane that Dr. Tofu won't like her very much if she keeps acting like a boy. From that, she draws the conclusion that having hair like Kasumi will make him like her more. But the reboot anime keeps it implied and understated.

So there's a lot going on here when Akane breaks down and cries into Dr. Tofu's chest. This is the end of an era. The loss of her hair symbolizes the death of a child's dream. The end of her efforts to be more like Kasumi so that this man would like her better, and the beginning of a new era where someone else out there will like her for being Akane.

While also demonstrating how much she leans on and depends on Dr. Tofu as a stabilizing figure in her life. She feels safe enough with him to finally let down her walls and cry out the grief over her lost hair, in a way she doesn't have at school or at home. Ironically mourning the death of her pursuit of him to him.

My dude, you desperately need to get a hobby. Supervillains are more considerate. Giving some real Vegeta energy here, but specifically the TeamFourStar kind.

And also the Tendo home desperately needs to get some door locks because he just strolled right on in here to do this.

And they both get punished for this.

Story of Ranma's life.

Takahashi's comedy remains incredible. Kasumi objects to Akane going out there not because she doesn't think Akane can take the mystery robber but because she wants Akane to hit him with something heavier.

I want that too. So Kasumi and I are on the same page.

She does, too. Nails Ryoga right in the back of the neck with a long-range shotput throw of that fucking barbell. Akane wins Ranma v. Ryoga, Round 2.

The moral of the story is to... not... do... anything that Ryoga did here.

...or, really, anything that Ryoga ever does. Don't be like Ryoga. That's sound life advice. (Not that the rest of the cast is any better.)

Immediately followed by Kasumi with another punchline. Man, I did not remember how funny she is.

Akane's rematch with Ryoga goes super well too. She is on fire.

Sincerely want to know what could possibly have possessed him to think jumping Akane while in piglet form was a good idea.

So begins the saga of P-chan.

AND ALL FOR BREAD AND BREAD-RELATED PRODUCTS

My dude.

The curry bun was not worth it.

Like.

Like. The part where Ranma knocked Ryoga into the piggy spring without noticing and then Genma tried to fucking eat him? Yeah. I can see being homicidally mad about that.

But he didn't even know that was them until literally this scene. Everything up to this point has been Ryoga blaming Ranma because he, Ryoga, stalked Ranma to China to avenge his curry bun.

Speaking of Genma.

I love how he just walks in on his son in girly form having Naked Bath Time with some random boy, and his response is to just... apologize and peace out. Whatever this is, it's none of his business.

Actually, not just any random boy. Specifically the random boy that got Ranma in trouble earlier tonight when he snuck into their bedroom for a late-night call.

Genma definitely thinks these two are up to shenanigans.

Literally the only member of her family that actually objects to Ranma sneaking into Akane's room late at night to do shenanigans to her (read: trying to fucking extract Ryoga from an unsuspecting Akane's bed) is Kasumi. Who merely scolds Ranma for moving too fast.

Is it any wonder she doesn't feel safe being emotionally vulnerable at home?

(Seriously, though, there is so much drama that could be avoided if Ranma would just tell Akane that P-chan is Ryoga. She has a right to know that, and not telling her makes Ranma complicit in Ryoga's shittiness.)

[sirfrogsworth]

The Babylon Bee School of Comedy

Have you ever wanted to make Elon Musk reply to you with a double cry laughing emoji?

If you crave that sweet billionaire validation you need only follow this carefully crafted conservative comedy content creation course for that powerhouse of online satire... The Babylon Bee.

Soon you too could be bootlicking billionaire balls with the rest of The BBee writers.

Are you ready to get your learn on?

Let us Bee-gin.

The number one most important rule that all The BBee writers must internalize to their core...

Conservative comedy abhors effort.

Brainstorming for hours on end to craft the perfect premise and punchline... is for the Libs. Check out this Facebook meme that got 10,000 likes.

Can you order Starbucks from a bar? Doesn't matter, it's a snowflake drink for a snowflake Lib.

Does this joke not have an actual punchline? Doesn't matter, get lost you stupid Lib!

Is this technically a joke by definition? Doesn't matter, if you believe it is a joke, then it's a joke! Just like modern currency.

If you put too much thought into a joke, it might grow in complexity. That could be confusing! The death knell of any conservative joke are the words, "Hmm, that's a thinker."

This brings us to rule number two...

NO THINKERS!

Let's take this Ben Garrison comic as an example.

Spell everything out! Label everything! Don't leave anything to the imagination! If your audience has to figure something out or draw their own conclusions, what fun is that?

Conservatives want to hear things that are familiar. They want their beliefs parroted back at them. You must regurgitate those beliefs and then just make it *sound* like a joke. Don't break new ground or introduce new ideas. Don't get all caught up in interesting wordplay or clever puns or subverting expectations.

All expectations should be fully verted.

That is definitely a word because I saw someone use it on Facebook. End of research.

Here is a helpful tip. If you can't imagine the joke coming out of the mouth of late night comedy genius GUTFELD!, then you need to dial it back a bit. Do not surpass GUTFELD! levels of humor. GUTFELD! is your touchstone.

Oh, GUTFELD! I laughed so hard I FELD it in my GUT.

See, I went too far with my fancy pun. That is not the GUTFELD! way.

But what happens if inspiration is fleeting and you can't pay attention to your comedy writing task because you don't believe ADHD is real and thus you are unmedicated?

Don't you worry. If you do happen to get writer's block or are distracted by a funny Pepe meme or a shiny object, just call your racist uncle and say the magic word... "Bidenflation."

As the ensuing unhinged rant darts from subject to subject without any kind of connecting theme, just start writing down every right wing buzzword you hear. Then just insert those buzzwords Mad Libs-style into a derivative joke format.

Let's practice!

Ex. 1: Why did the PRONOUNS cross the BORDER? To get to the DRAG QUEEN STORY HOUR!

Ex. 2: How many GENDERS does it take to GROOM a lightbulb? Two! One to hold the BUTT PLUG and one to GO WOKE, GO BROKE.

Great start! I'm sure with a polishing pass those will make more sense. Or not. The bar is pretty much "will it get clicks?" so we're not too worried about coherence.

Heh... Mad Libs.

U MAD, LIBS?

Get it? Cuz Libs are always mad? About the normalized bigotry and whatnot.

Jokes are always better when you need to explain them.

Oh! That's another rule. Write that down. Wisdom like this is why I am teaching this course, of course. Hah, that's like that horse show song. I got jokes coming out the wazoo. Wazoo is my butt, right? Siri, is wazoo a butt? Oof, I'm kinda spacing on what the next lesson is.

I really wish Matt Walsh hadn't flushed my Adderall down the crapper.

Can I get a second opinion? Top Gun was so good. What does Tom Cruise think about ADHD? He always has good takes on stuff like this. Did I leave my oven on? Shazam, what song goes doodoo doo doo doooooo? Can you vacuum a yard? Has anyone tried that? That sounds more like a marijuana thought than an ADHD tangent. I should double check the THC content of that cotton candy vape juice.

I'm flyin' off the rails over here.

Matt, are you super duper sure it's not real?

Okay, fine. I'm an "energetic boy."

I hope whichever fish absorbs my meds is extra focused on whatever fish shit he needs to get done.

COMEDY WRITING!

Sometimes it is best to learn through observation. Let's eavesdrop on an actual The BBee writer's room to see how the sausage is made...

"So what did your racist uncle have to say?"

"Well, first he texted me a cameraphone picture of Trump as an astronaut that he wants me to print out cuz he doesn't know what a crypto wallet is... but then he said all the woke schools are turning kids into a bunch of gay commies."

"EUREKA!"

Classic! The BBee writers strike again. I mean, they aren't striking. There is no commie clamoring for a union at The Babylon Bee. That's for damn sure. FOCUS!

Do you get the joke though? With the kids and the gay and the communism?

Because all of those woke schools totally cover complex economic theories in 4th grade and all it takes to turn gay is a little persuasion from a teacher with green hair. Libs of TikTok wouldn't lie about that. End of research.

Look at this public school teacher!

I mean, you knooow she has a litter box in her classroom. I can just sense it. End of research.

Sure... it is just a context-free picture of a person with green hair in front of a flag and you cannot actually judge the quality of their teaching ability from this. But yoouuu knoooooow she is skipping right over grammar lessons and giving detailed instructions on how to turn gay.

Step 1: Look at a bunch of butts. Step 2: Touch a bunch of butts. Step 3: Gay sex a bunch of butts.

(Replace butts with cooches for lesbians.)

Grooming accomplished.

And you definitely shouldn't look up that green-hair'd, nose ring'd educator and research her any further. Extensive research is for the Libs, bro. Because you definitely don't want to discover she is a passionate high school English teacher who makes fun content on TikTok in the hopes that people will buy things off her wishlist so her students will have a better learning experience. I mean, caring about her students? That's so gay.

YoooOOOuuuUUU knnnooooooOOOw she is a bad teacher because she has green hair and a flag. End. Of. Research.

So... you have your gay communist headline that is perfect to get all of those sweet conservative clicks. But you still have a full webpage to fill out with more words and stuff.

Now I want to see if you learned anything from my perfectly focused and informative teachings. I want you to write some jokes about kids becoming gay communists.

Ready? GO!

Joke #1 Little Billy has wealthy parents so all the students will share his cookie at snack time.

Joke #2 At the beginning of the day, students pick a new gender out of a hat but all the kids fight over Attack Helicopter.

Joke #3 At lunch, the students have to stand in a peanut butter and jelly bread line.

Joke #4 The teacher makes the kids take turns combing each others' hair for a grooming session.

Wait a sec... are those... THINKERS?

No no no no no! You made my brain all confused and thinky!

You need to calm down, you overachieving silly billy. You forgot the first rule... NO EFFORT.

Just make the same joke over and over again with slightly different wording. EASY!

Remember the classic final rule of comedy...

Jokes always get funnier the more you repeat them.

Anyway, that's probably enough... joke.

Now let's close this article out!

Maybe we can drop the pretense this is comedic satire and just do some hardcore pandering. Gotta own the Libs, amirite?

Gender theory and drag queens and guns, oh my! That is pure pander-monium.

Just shove those factless tactless Tucker talking points straight down their gullet. They'll forget this was supposed to be funny and shake their fist in the air with exaltation. And it's definitely a great idea to put the thought of gunning down drag queens in their heads. That won't backfire in any way!

Congratulations! You are now ready to "write" for The Babylon Bee.

Please purchase this official Trump NFT certificate for $99 that acknowledges that you have completed this course and have a very poor understanding of what satire actually is.

End of research.

[latibvles]

points on a map.

this is... [loud kazoo] rather late but oh well! better late than never. related to this piece, this next one is plucking from the prompt crew and, as you can expect: is an introduction to the rest of Viv and Willie's crew! It was fun to write though, so I hope you enjoy it (will these make it onto ao3? maybe. no it is not proofread, sue me) Meet Inez Eckley, our very lovely navigator. All of these OCs will be on the carrd very soon!

—

It takes ten people to fly a B-17.

Not ten men, or ten boys — ten people. That was it. Really early on there used to be a joke, the setup was always the same: how many girls does it take to fly a plane? To no one’s surprise: Inez never found it funny, no matter how many times the punchline changed. It takes ten of me just like it takes ten of you.

She’d never said that, never had much of the courage to open her mouth about it. Luckily, the other navigators she knew either didn’t have the same sentiments or just kept them to themselves — Inez optimistically hopes for the second.

i.

“So we’re just… puttin’ pins in it?” Inez asks, turning to Croz and Bubbles. Croz nods, gives her a bit of a sheepish smile and Inez tries not to squint at the now blurry map in front of her — her glasses feeling like a cross where they hide under her jacket beneath her shirt.

“Pretty much. It’s a tradition.” He affirms.

“Gotta know where everyone’s from.” Bubbles tacks on immediately after — his smile is a little brighter. It doesn’t surprise her: Inez is fairly certain Bubbles was the one who was gonna run around and shoving red thumb tacks in people’s faces. Inez nods once, slow and pensive, before reaching for one of them.

“Ladies first, then?” She wants it to be a statement — but she can’t help but ask. As if they’d have her set up the map on the wall for a boys only activity.

She catches a glimpse of Harrie Morgan over in the corner, trying to nudge one of the guys out of the way so she could listen to the fight on the radio, and assumes that her worry isn’t a crazy assumption to make.

“So y’don’t forget about us,” Inez tacks it on at the end, a bit sheepish, fixing her gaze now on the plastic between her fingers. When she looks back up — Bubbles is still smiling brightly.

“Sure thing. You can do the honors.” He encourages, and that much makes her smile a little bit as she nods once to herself then takes a couple steps forward. She squints a bit, trying to will the text into becoming more solid, trying to recall the maps she’d pour over during practice missions over the States. Inez hesitates a moment, settles on the spot and hopes that she’s hit her target. Turning her head, Bubbles and Crosby are both looking over at where she’s placed it.

“Nashville, huh? That makes us neighbors,” Bubbles puts his own above hers. “Louisville.”

“Guess you’ll have to visit then. We’ll make a day out of it. Hit all the real touristy spots.” Inez offers. There’s a vision there that has her smiling to herself — one where her mother overfeeds them because they’re “too skinny to be Army,” and Croz, polite as ever, doesn’t know how to say no to her. “You too, Bing. And it’s your turn.” Crosby seems to perk up a little bit, takes his pin and tacks it right onto Iowa. Bubbles chuckles to himself, arms crossing over his chest.

“Yeah, you gotta visit. Th’hell’s back in Iowa.” He teases, and Inez can’t help the quiet laugh that escapes her. By the time they got back from this, Iowa would have Mrs. Jean Crosby again, who’s letter was probably sitting comfortably in Croz’s jacket pocket right about now.

“Don’t get him started, we’ll be here all day.”

ii.

Harriet Morgan, their ball gunner, has successfully stolen the seat closest to the radio. Carrie Hughes, one of their waist gunners, is standing awkwardly to her left when Inez tracks them down. Harrie’s leant forward on her elbows, the guy next to her, Roy Clayton, gives her a questioning look, expression twisted into one of mild annoyance as Amison messes with the knobs of the radio.

“You even got money on this, Morgan?”

“No, but ma’ pa might!” The expression on her face is bright, and she flashes him a sunny-side up grin — all crooked teeth and crinkled eyes. Carrie says nothing, but her cheeks flush in that mildly embarrassed way that they always do when Harrie’s garnering a bit of attention for herself. Sometimes, Inez is marveled by the fact that Carrie continues to follow her around in spite of her own introversion — but the world was full of mysteries and Inez figured this one would just have to go unsolved.

Harrie, as usual, is none the wiser.

Inez clears her throat on her approach, drops a hand on Carrie’s shoulder to squeeze it and give her a half-smile.

“Got a second to spare? Wouldn’t want you losin’ your seat, after all,” Harrie’s grin turns a little mischievous, and she waves her hand flippantly as she jumps up to her feet.

“Roy gon’ watch ma seat for me, ain’t that right?” Roy makes a face, a mix of shock and protest that falters almost immediately upon Harrie holding his stare for another second or two. Harrie claps him on the shoulder. “‘Preciate it, pal,” before clapping her hands together and jumping up to her feet. Inez thinks she hears Carrie mutter a sorry Roy under her breath. Inez can’t help the small laugh that leaves her as she guides the two of them towards the map.

“Shouldn’t take more than a minute.” Inez offers, but Harrie whizzes by her like a dog catching a scent, sidling up immediately at the work-in-progress amalgamation of push-pins.

“Well what’s all this then?” Her question is as bright as the rest of her and Inez only wonders momentarily how it is that she can treat every minor occurrence as though she’d just found a winning lottery ticket. Carrie’s interest, although more subdued, is still piqued — Inez can tell by the way those big brown eyes of hers light up in curiosity. June had made a couple jokes about the girl being the baby deer of the group: the nineteen-year-old was really living up to it now.

“Croz and Bubbles say it’s a tradition. Gotta put a pin where everybody in the group’s from.” Carrie tilts her head, brows furrowed — although Harrie wastes no time in taking one from the table and smacking it onto the map. Somewhere South, but that part was obvious.

“We get to…” Carrie’s voice trails off, but Inez knows how that question was going to finish, so she nods.

“All thirty of us. I went first,” That makes Carrie smile, and Inez pats her back before gently pushing her towards the map, before sidling up on its opposing side to squint at where Harrie found her mark. Montgomery, Alabama. Carrie, however, is more subdued about it — she simply points and voices it, as opposed to doing it herself.

“Denver,” Carrie offers and Bubbles puts the pin in.

“Ever been to the Rockies?” He asks with a bit of a tease. Carrie lets out a small huff.

“Do I look like a mountain climber to you, sir?” And now it’s Inez’s turn to snort at the barely there bite of Carrie’s remark — one that has Harrie laughing loud and unapologetic. Silently, Inez just hopes Carrie keeps sharpening that edge of hers’ until it gleams, if only for her own sake.

iii.

Inez knows that when their radio op smiles at her and promises she just needs to finish up this last game, that it is the beginning of a doom-coming.

Not for Fern, of course. Never for Fern — Inez was fairly sure she could talk Eisenhower himself into giving her a brand new fort for free. The doom-coming being for the wallet of whoever Fern has successfully deceived into thinking she was actually bad at darts: this time, it seems to be Quinn and Blakely — Hinton being her newfound accomplice. Inez doesn’t know how they haven’t been made aware of Fern’s goal to sucker at least half the 100th before they reach England, but that’s none of her business.

“No shame in callin’ it quits now, Carmine. I’ll even halve the winnings for ya,” Bailey drawls, and Fern scoffs lightheartedly. She puts her hands on her hips, cocking a brow and tucking a loose strand of shiny auburn hair behind her ear. There’s a slight pout to her lips. Hook, line…

“Don’t tell me you’re calling me a quitter, Bailey. Matter of fact, I hit this double eight and we double it. Two bucks each.”

Sinker. Quinn looks reluctant, but Bailey agrees — so they all cough up another bill to make it eight on the table. Fern takes her last dart and passes Hinton one of those award-winning smiles of hers, and Inez is reminded briefly of how they had her posing up by the plane for pictures back in Sioux City. And how a passing remark about how she should’ve been painted on the plane, not flying ‘em had earned the offender a fist to the teeth from June.

She lines up the shot, takes in a deep breath and then…

“Boop!” Fern declares as the dart finds its target, to the collective groaning of both Quinn and Bailey. “Thaaank you! And thank you!” She swipes the cash from the table, hands four to Hinton and then pockets the other four, before turning to Inez. “Heard something about a map, is that it?” Fern is looping their arms, her cheek brushing against the side of Inez’s head.

“Four whole dollars. You’re really stretchin’ that Mouse Hole piggy bank,” Inez remarks, and it makes Fern laugh a little with a shake of her head.

“Once we hit England it’ll burst all on its own,” She declares, definitively, then listens intently as Inez explains exactly what it was they were doing. The map’s got a few more pins — from Brady and Blakely and their crews. By the time they hit it, Fern’s already opening her mouth and unlooping their arms, pointing at the spot on the map in one fluid motion. “Racine, Wisconsin, boys, riiiiight there.”

iv.

Josephine Alden was always good at not taking up too much room — with Lorraine next to her, they would have the quietest corner of the bar were it not for Lena Connolly filling it with her own storytelling of tales from home. Jo seems more intent to listen than Lorraine, who’s eyes have fallen decidedly further down the bar, towards some back-and-forth occurring between June and Douglass. For a moment, Inez idles behind Lena, trying to figure out the best way to worm herself in.

Noticing this, Josephine gives her one of those warm and acknowledging smiles of hers.

“Did you need something, Inez?” she asks, shifting the attention towards her. Well, Lena’s attention at least. Lorraine still seems preoccupied.

Inez smiles, rubs the nape of her neck.

“Bubbles, Croz, and I are wranglin’ people to tell us where they’re from. Keep track of location and stuff. There’s a map for people to put pins in their hometown. I just wanted to make sure we all got ours,” she explains, looking over the three of them. Lena nods slowly, and Josephine is already straightening out to get up and head over.

Lorraine’s lips tug into a frown, dark eyes flitting from her back to the scene she was watching unfold in front of her.

“Do I have to?” And, despite knowing her, the question still manages to knock some of the wind out of Inez all the same. It’s not posed with a whine, but that sort of indifference that she takes towards most things that didn’t pique her immediate interest. Inez has shared a bunkhouse with the woman for the better part of a full year, but sometimes she still has to remind herself that it’s rarely ever personal; that it’s just Lorraine. Slow to convince, slow to bite down on anything without an incentive.

Sensing Inez’s own faltering, Lena taps in — a clap on Lorraine’s shoulder and a smile up at her.

“Haven’t seen Pasadena Nena touch down yet,” she casts a look to Josephine sliding off the bar stool, “Or Sparky.” Josephine perks up, an animated full-body thing so unlike her typical reservations that it even catches Inez offguard.

“That’d make us first, wouldn’t it?” Josephine points out. “First of the girls, at least,” She looks to Inez for confirmation, and it dawns on her all at once — so she nods almost too quickly in confirmation.

“Uh huh. Croz and Bubbles even let me put the first pin in it,” Inez admits. Lorraine’s brows raise just enough for her to notice, and there’s a twitch of Lena’s lip in knowing they’ve thoroughly incentivized her into something else.

Lorraine Ivanova didn’t care for much — but she did like to be first to things.

“Alright,” she assents, and Inez smiles a little more genuine, guiding the trio back towards the map. Josephine lets the other two walk in front of her, whipping around to raise her hand in greeting. Inez looks back to see who it is — only to realize all at once that she doesn’t know who it is that Josephine’s waving to. A member of Brady’s crew, maybe. By the time Inez is turning back around, Lorraine is taking one of the push pins to jam into the map wordlessly.

“Brooklyn,” Josephine murmurs quietly to Inez, as Lena mimics it, her own pin nearly on top of Lorraine’s. “And the Bronx.” She knew the two were from New York — but the differences between all those little neighborhoods made her head spin on a better day. Inez gives Josephine an appreciative smile that the girl returns, patting the spot between Inez’s shoulder blades before stepping towards the map and pointing.

“New Englander, huh?” Bubbles points out as Croz presses the pin into its spot.

“Same as Crank,” She nods, stepping back, before giving Inez a curious look. “Did you get Juney yet?”

v.

She had not, in fact, gotten Juney yet.

And their bombardier looked like she was about to bite Howard Hamilton’s head off — but Hambone just looked amused with his ability to successfully get a rise out of her. To be entirely fair, it wasn’t hard. And it also wasn’t worth the smack in the mouth he’d be getting if he kept poking her as though she were a sleeping bear; Inez walks a little quicker, Josephine keeping step. Douglass, who’d also been participating in the conversation, catches them first with that pearly-white smile of his.

“Ladies,” it’s an easy greeting, and Inez fixes him with a nod.

June Cielinski looks back at them now, blue eyes lit up, argument on her tongue and jaw clenched. She fixes her gaze on Inez and Inez feels her stomach drop almost instinctually. She’s like a horse being wrangled straight into a pen she wants no part of, because whatever conversation that was just transpiring would be far too much for her to keep up with.

“Eckley, would you tell Hamilton that—”

“We need you for somethin’,” Inez blurts abruptly. She then fixes her look back to the two men behind her and lets out a soft puff of breath. “I’m borrowin’ her.” Josephine slides seamlessly into the conversation with a heard you had a rough landing! that’s laced with all the concern of a mother checking on her kids after a long school day. June, however, is muttering what Inez can only assume are obscenities under her breath. Inez doesn’t speak a lick of polish — her cheeks flush anyway.

“What was that all about?” Inez asks after a moment, and June scoffs.

“Dougie wants to make a pass at Fern so I told him to piss off about it. Hamilton thought it was pretty funny,” June seethes, and Inez knows her immediate piece of advice wouldn’t be much help. Don’t feed into it was like asking June to hold her breath for an entire flight exercise.

She also knows it was less about the prospect of Douglass and Fern, of all people, and more about what lies beneath it — the principle of it. They’d all been sat down and had the fraternization policy nailed into their skulls. Inez figures that it’s hard to take a rule seriously when you’ve never seen the consequences of breaking it. So the guys found it funny, even if, like most things, the consequences felt very, very real for the woman. And most girls understood how words could be dangerous in a way that guys didn’t.

June was always going to be the first one to bat for them. That’s just how it was.

“Should only take a minute, then you can go back to uh… fightin’ the good fight, I guess,” June snorts, unapologetic in the way she rolls her eyes, but Inez knows it isn’t malicious. Her lips curl on something between a smirk and a smile and her physical being seems to loosen up a bit more. That makes Inez relax a bit, letting out a soft breath as they reach the map. “They’ve just gotta know where you’re from. Put a pin in it.” June’s lips pull into a small pout, a nod of understanding.

“Hope you boys don’t need me to point you in the direction of Chicago,” She raises a brow at the two other navigators. Bubbles just laughs, but Croz seems to flush a bit — meek in the presence of June’s sharp remarks as he goes to put the pin in its place.

vi.

“You get lost or something, Cleven?”

It’s never been hard to find her pilot, Captain Savorre’s made a spot for herself by the door just as Major Cleven comes in with a gust of wind. Inez watches Cleven take Savorre’s hand and shake it, and they give each other a smile — Cleven’s is barely perceptible, Savorre’s is mostly teeth. Whatever Cleven says in response, Inez doesn’t pick up on, but Savorre turns her head and Inez follows it.

Inez doesn’t get how she didn’t notice that the horn above the mantle was split in two. Savorre says something else Inez can’t hear, and claps him on the shoulder twice before he walks past. The two of them look like something out of the movies they’d play on base, if she was being completely honest with herself. Tall, confident, attractive. Cleven presses forward, nodding towards those who catch his eye, greeting those he knows.

She didn’t know the commander of the 350th well, but the general consensus of her and most of the girls was that he was quite alright. Harrie had gushed about how pretty his girlfriend was when they saw her once at the bar — all Veronica Lake waves and friendly smiles. Inez was too shy to talk to her then. Still, Captain Savorre and Lieutenant Neumann seemed to like him well enough — that was as much of an assurance as any. Sometimes it was hard to discern who their allies were in a group of hundreds of people.

Inez presses forward once she realizes Savorre is no longer preoccupied, clearing her throat as she approaches.

“Captain?” Savorre’s face lights up in another smile.

“Eckley.” Inez looks to the left, to Buck over by the map, then clears her throat.

“Me and uh… the other navigators were just gettin’ everyone to put a pin where they’re from up on the board. I pretty much got everybody but you and Lieutenant Neumann.” Captain Savorre had an air about her that was somehow both comfortable and intimidating. Inez always chalked it up to her having a good four inches of height on her. But the smile she maintains is a comfort as she straightens out a bit.

“Look at you, making friends,” There’s something about the way she says it that reminds Inez vaguely of her older cousins asking about her social life back in high school. It’s almost sisterly. When Savorre starts walking, Inez is quick to follow. “How’re those glasses working out for you?” she inquires. Inez feels her face flush. The cold metal frames hanging on the inside of her shirt feel heavier.

Savorre picked up on Inez’s habitual squinting pretty quickly. She said nothing of it, but Inez did find a pair of readers on the pillow of her rack in Wendover. She’d thanked the woman at least five times; Savorre just laughed it off, telling her her secret’s safe with her.

“Just fine, thanks,” Savorre nods, satisfied. Then, Inez lets her curiosity get the best of her as they pass by Cleven again in conversation with the Sergeant at the bar. “Everything okay? With the Major?”

Savorre’s mouth curls on a grin, directed ahead of her as opposed to in response to Inez’s question. Inez watches as Savorre drapes an arm around Neumann’s shoulders. She’d been in some kind of conversation with Lieutenant Brady. There’s a quick exchange there: an I’ve gotta steal her from Savorre, a small eyeroll from Neumann and then a small, surrendering nod from Brady that ends with Savorre turning on her heel.

It’s then that the Captain seems to remember Inez’s question.

“Our Air Exec just knows how to make an impression, is all,” is Savorre’s breezy reply, arm still draped around Neumann’s shoulders, who’s giving her an equally questioning look, but saying nothing. “Lead the way, Eckley.”

And so she does: back to the table, with its awaiting map with an ever-growing collection of red pins in places all dotting the U.S. Croz introduces himself all over again and handshakes are exchanged, Inez taking a step back to admire their work. There was something about being unable to distinguish any of them from one another that made her happy. Ten men in a bomber, ten women in a bomber, ten people to fly a B-17, ten pins on a map.

Bubbles puts the one for Neumann somewhere in Pennsylvania that Inez has never heard of. Then Savorre takes one for herself, looks over her shoulder and casts a smile pointedly at Inez as it finds its mark. Like she’s letting Inez in on a secret.

“Motor City,��� is all she says as she puts it, presumably, on Detroit — it only then occurs to Inez that their pilot didn’t talk much about where she was from.

Before Inez can ask anymore questions, the door opens once more and Savorre heads off, curious as ever, to see who’s walked in. Neumann’s already ducked back to her prior conversation, and Inez falls into a contemplative, but satisfied silence as Bubbles goes to wave down another pilot. Indiscernable points on a big, big map.

[stevehairingtit]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @geddyqueer for the tag~

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 24

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 72,539, which kind of makes me want to go add a word to something

3. What fandoms do you write for? Primarily Stranger Things, though I have some 911 stuff both published and planned

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Come and Turn the Tide (My "Achy Breaky Heart." My "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles).")

Temperature Running High

A Kind of Magic (My lone Shadowhunters semi-hit)

Living Tissue, Warm Flesh

Slide It In

5. Do you respond to comments? Sometimes with significant delay, but yes

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? If we are just looking at the individual fic, I wrote a couple of episode codas during the Malec break-up in Shadowhunters that were fairly bleak. But I've never really written angst that isn't resolved by a follow-up fic or by the source material. I'm delicate. Ending author's notes don't count.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? They are mostly pretty mushy! Can take your pick.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Nope

9. Do you write smut? Yeah, it's probably my primary vocation lmao. Though a pretty recent one! I had only written it twice ever before I started writing steddie.

10. Do you write crossovers? No, and I feel like this is not as common as it was when, like, LJ and ff dot net were the primary fandom sites.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I am aware of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope

14. What's your all time favorite ship? Stucky........

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? lmao. I'm a quitter, so anything I start and don't finish in a sitting is at risk for this. My white whale, gogoboysteve, is the most fleshed out of my WIPs that I'm not sure I'll ever get all the way through.

16. What are your writing strengths? I am very funny. This is obviously good for comedy writing, which is my wheelhouse, but I think more dramatic writing is still set-up and punchline, even if the punchline isn't played for laughs.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? You know how pointing out your insecurities draws attention to them? I started listing stuff, decided that I don't want you noticing my eyebrows are more cousins than twins, and deleted it. I will say I think I am something of a one trick pony and comedy is also a bit of a crutch for me and nvm, Kam reblogged a post about finding your form as a writer, and I am not a one trick pony, I have just been called to write silly porn. My weaknesses are varied sentence structure and physical description.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I haven't done it, but I think it is fine as long as you are not using a translation software to do so.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Maximum Ride

20. Favorite fics you've written? I've said it before, but right now Path to the Rainbow's End because I finished it lmao. And I like the end product! The Floor of Heaven's Lain is also a favorite, I think the structure is fun and interesting, and I could read it immediately after I wrote it without picking it to pieces.

Tagging @postmodernau @cuips-not-cute @jamiethegardener55 @mustlovesteve

[00127am]

signed with love and forever yours, guanheng

postage. huang guanheng & gn! reader, cursing cost to ship. 730 words

there was a conversation that you had with ten during one of the first times we met. a private one that I caught just in the middle, centered around dating or maybe an old partner or two but primarily about love. you laughed when you told him that you've never seriously been called beautiful. i didn't find it funny, though I suppose i interrupted your thought. so perhaps there was an upcoming punch line that I never got to hear.

punch line or not, you took it so lightly. as if it didn't matter and brushed off ten's plethora of compliments with a wave of your hand. he wasn't undeterred but nor was he wholly serious. if i were to do the same, to tell you what i truly thought of you, would you reject me? if all my words were made seriously?

do you remember the time that we were driving back from dongguan in that shitty SUV ten rented? the one that only cost him a quarter of what it should and the same one that we were convinced was going to implode halfway through the drive. i was driving and you were in the passenger seat. hair splayed out on the headrest and head rolled back to look out the window that you refused to close (even after yangyang spat bugs out of his mouth, you just laughed). you had this look on your face that i could never recreate even if i tried. in this moment, like all others, i found you beautiful.

you made an offhand comment about how you'd like to be loved in the same way you love the summer. you used that word again. seriously. i almost confessed to you then and there. beginning of the phrase choked out by whatever yangyang had bursted out in song to on the radio (you could tell me it was adagio and i would believe you, more focused on you than anything he was doing in the backseat). you looked at me, and for a second, i thought you had heard me (or maybe i hoped you did). but then you tilted your head back and laughed along with ten. i almost confessed again.

i'm not exactly sure what you consider to be serious. though i've thought about it a lot. after all, how could no one have been serious about you? i'm afraid that i have a lot of competition (especially that guy from your apartment building that follows you around like a lost puppy, god, i hate him). they might be serious about you but so am i. to the point where i fear that i may never be serious about anyone ever again.

so if i were to confess. to tell you that you're beautiful. and that i love you like you love summer. seriously in every sense of the term. would you tell me that there was a punchline to that initial conversation i interrupted?

(i love you like you love summer. you're beautiful.)

about guanheng's love letters.

like him, hendery's handwriting is fast paced. bouncing from one line to the next with various errors and the scribbled lines of his script. despite following the pattern of his thoughts (jumping from one conclusion to the next), the letters find themselves to be unexpectedly romantic. though you suppose that such unadulterated honesty, raw and unedited, is the most endearing kind of love at the end all be all.

he writes on plain paper, no lines or margins. his words fill the page, slopping downward at an angle that only worsens with each new sentence. his writing his skewed, drawing your eyes in curved patterns down the length of the page. he includes drawings at whatever is left of the space, cutesy, shaky-handed caricatures of any and everything. next to his signature is the faint imprint of whatever lip tint or chapstick he had on, faded to the page (a thousand and one kisses dotted on every i).

hendery gave this letter to you head on, going on and on about being serious. you weren't sure what to expect, too flustered by the sudden pull back from the rest of your friend group to notice the flash of red smothering his cheeks. and when you did read it, understanding the full extent of what he had just thrust upon your hands-- you assured him that there was no punchline.

your mailbox

taglist. @evilsailorsenshi @222brainrot @marvelous-llama @clockwork--fandoms @yangasm @ikozen @trourevaille thank you for supporting me! ♡

🧾 © 00127am 2024

[genericpuff]

I've come to the stunning realization-

-that Lore Olympus is basically to the webtoons industry what Youtube Kids is to Youtube.

And I'm not talking about the general "Youtube Kids" label, I'm talking about those videos - Elsagate, Johny Johny, Cocomelon, Mickey Mouse tattooing Spongebob or whatever other weird example you can think of - which are explicitly designed to game the algorithm, turn views into money, and most of all, gain and keep the attention of the one demographic that won't question what they're consuming - children.

!!!!THIS POST HAS FAST PASS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I mean, this is undoubtedly just a tinfoil hat theory, but think about it:

Bright oversaturated colors that are attention-grabbing.

Meme faces and 'lol rAnDoM' humor even when it doesn't suit the situation at all.

Art that's all around ugly and cheap on a technical level but still stands out due to its color design and prioritized advertising.

Vapid surface level scene-to-scene writing that doesn't connect or have any meaning in any coherent way.

One-dimensional projection characters who are easy to manipulate and sway for audience sympathy or anger even if those opinions change on a dime based on actions in the moment.

Cliffhangers that are less like true cliffhangers and more like clickbait. Episodes nowadays tend to be filled with drawn out plotlines, vague hints that can be applied to just about any school of thought, and non-sequitur memes to fill the time until they can hook the reader with another cliffhanger to keep them coming back next week.

Coin prices have gone up but episode length, substance, and quality have noticeably gone down. Even if they reach the same panel count they usually have, dialogue is minimal and pacing is brutally inconsistent to the point that plot progression is often non-existent.

Banner ads that run constantly, often in the first or second (or both) slots, with push notifications and pop-up ads also becoming more frequent whether you're subscribed to the comic or not.

And underneath ALL of that, we've got blatant objectifying and sexualization of female characters regardless of context, misogyny that claims to be progressive, racist undertones, borderline fetish content that constantly toes the Terms of Services line, normalization of problematic/toxic relationship dynamics, a creator who's more interested in 'getting back' at critics than writing an actual story, and underlying messaging both from the characters' and the creator's behavior that encourage witch-hunting, rejection of accountability, and blind devotion.

All this is essentially why I've given up consuming LO entirely, beyond just on a critical level as of late. There was a time long ago when I stuck around in the hopes it was going to get better, that maybe it was just going through a "rough patch" as some stories do. After that I stuck around because I wanted to see how it could possibly pull off its ending. And then after that, I simply stuck around for the laughs and community banter. But now I don't even find it funny anymore, the punchline of how bad it is has gotten incredibly old. And at this rate, as much as we'd like to believe it's going to end in its third season as it's been mentioned in the past, we also were told it was going to end between 100-200 episodes prior to that - the way it's going, I can't even stick around "for the ending" because LO is going to be around for as long as WT tries to milk it, despite it no longer having a heartbeat.

As much as I've loved talking shit about this comic and it's undoubtedly the main reason so many of you followed me here in the first place, I'm not going to lock myself in some kind of purgatory hell just to be proven what I already know is going to happen - either the comic continues on forever, doomed to be a lifeless mascot for the zombie corporation that is WT, or RS eats shit while trying to stick the landing with a plane that has no functional parts.

There's a quote from Caddicarus that I couldn't help but think of as I typed this up, from his nearly-decade-old review of Dalmations 3 (oh god, it's nearly been a decade since that video came out what the actual fuck-)

"And this is where I officially lost all fucking care. I realized it wasn't going to end anytime soon. It's one of those rare instances where the novelty of how awful everything is actually gets really tiresome and unfunny." - Caddicarus

[otakween]

Digimon Data Squad (Savers) - Episode 23

Not much happened in this one, but I was so engaged that it ended really quickly, so it must have done something right. The character writing is pretty strong this season, I think that's the main factor.

It's funny how the big bad of this arc is so chill. He's not as outright evil as previous villains, he seems more willing to reason (as Kurata says). Let's see where this goes...(also how many more big bads will we be getting, if any?)

Notes:

Ikuto's sure getting a lot of screen time, not that I'm complaining. The first chunk of the season had a lot of Tohma. I think Masaru's so simple and happy-go-lucky he doesn't need a ton of development (also has less trauma then the others). Yoshino is still underdeveloped imo and it doesn't really seem like they intend to go much deeper with her at this point (maybe later tho).

I keep forgetting to mention this, but Yoshino has a catchphrase and it's pretty lame. She's always saying "this is the worst." It's like...could they please develop her character instead of making her say catchphrases plz? (Also, she just kinda sounds whiny when she says it).

The governor dude is such a non-character. He's only there to nudge the plot forward but every time he's on screen my eyes glaze over.

They did the "evil shiny glasses" thing with Kurata...I hate the evil shiny glasses thing

Agumon and Masaru sleeping looked so peaceful (❁´◡`❁) Sleepy time role models honestly.

For some reason they didn't give Ikuto a pillow? He seems to be sleeping on a scrap of fabric and his boomerang...must have been personal preference.

Masaru's mom is kinda badass just suddenly taking in all these kids and digimon and treating them like her own. I liked how honest she was with Ikuto when he asked her what he should do. You can tell she's been through a lot with how unphased she was seeing Ikuto's room completely empty.

They lampshaded how unimpressive Insekimon is lol. That was satisfying

I was kinda hoping the punchline would continue and he'd be really weak, but they tried to make him seem strong.

Masaru and Merukimon talking like they're bros before the battle was fun. Weren't they supposed to negotiate tho...?

So the "device" from the last episode was called a digimon in the episode recap at the beginning of this one. So I guess it is a digimon? Who knows...I'm still not convinced (I guess there are synthetic digimon like Machinedramon)

[runn1ngn0se]

So I was thinking about all the new Runningnose content we got today, including his appearances in the new graphic novel and his new page on the website when I noticed something.

Long ago I wrote a post about how he started off as nothing but a single punchline "wouldn't it be funny if a medicine cat was always sick" joke character that they couldn't end up writing out of the story and therefor had to be turned into more and more of a serious character.

In this new set of content, they've denied that the original joke even exists.

His page talks nothing but of how he suffered under Brokenstar and Tigerstar's rules (even when you could have just slipped a "sickly" in his traits), and in the GN his mention is so quick and fleeting that nobody ever mentions that he can't cure his own cold.

They are trying to commit joke character revisionist history, but they can't fully commit to it because:

They can't rename him, so the second somebody inevitably has to mention the ShadowClan medicine cat that replaced Yellowfang, even the most newby reader is going to raise an eyebrow at his silly name.

They just can't help themselves, and they always have to give him a little snot bubble every time he is visually depicted

THEY WANT SO BADLY FOR YOU TO FORGET THAT THEY WROTE A JOKE CHARACTER, BUT THEY COVER IT UP COMPLETELY, AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING ABOUT IT

[idkwhoaphextwinis]

I feel like I'm the only person who didn't enjoy The Substance (spoilers ahead).

I want to say that I appreciate the uniqueness of the film, both visually and story wise. Fargeat did a good job of organizing an incredibly complicated concept and got some really sick shots. I think both Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley were great, however I felt that the film often used the very conventions it was was fighting against and was incredibly unclear in the mechanics of the substance itself. I was disappointed when the film used Elisabeth's older body as a horror gag, using the physicalities of an aging person as both a punchline and an object of disgust. The movie did this often, using the main characters' and their bodies as a way to get a laugh or to make a spectacle. The entire point of the movie is the ridiculousness of these youthful standards, but the movie did absolutely no work to fight against the standards themselves, and if anything -- perpetuated the ideals through countless visuals of Sue contrasted with what was supposed to be a gross (old) Elisabeth. I don't know if I'm misreading it, but I was severely disappointed. In addition to misusing visual tools, there was also zero character development for either Elisabeth or Sue. I understand it would be difficult to delve into character if the film was shorter, but it was 2 hours and 20 minutes of one note characters. It felt as if all these women cared about was how they were perceived by men, and rather than putting the blame on the men who made them feel that way, it felt as though we were supposed to think the women were stupid in the choices they made. That being said, Sue evolved into more of a villain as the film went on, but I think that was a mischaracterization and a missed opportunity to write a nuanced character who was thrust into the world purely as an object of desire and fame. Dennis Quaid's character, although meant to be a satirical TV executive, fell incredibly flat due to his repetitive nature. The repetition of his lines in her head were done horribly, making his delivery seem funny rather than hold the weight it clearly had over both Elisabeth and Sue. Elisabeth and Sue both ended up dead for the standards which attacked them, but he was only embarrassed because of the live destruction of the monster. Also, I was confused by the fact that the two selves did not share a consciousness. It might be my own ignorance, so forgive me. Maybe it was commentary in itself to be purposefully vague, but it seemed as though they were living completely separate lives, they just had to rely on one another to share time properly. This may have also been a commentary on how easy it is to lose control, but I was still confused by this choice. The only thing bounding them together was the fact that one was a variant of the other, and that perhaps Elisabeth lived vicariously through Sue. The finale of the New Year's Eve show went too long and fell incredibly flat for me. I think it would have been far more radical to have Elisabeth live the rest of her life as the old woman and seek fulfillment in other areas of her life, in or out of the spotlight. If Elisabeth found a way to regain some sort of autonomy, it would have said a lot more about how we have the power within ourselves to chose to not let our appearance define us. Although maybe I'm partial to happy endings, Monstro-ElisaSue felt like a haphazard ending which asked the question "what is the most shocking way we could end this movie so that we can make one little audience member (me) throw up in the AMC bathroom afterwards?". It didn't fully wrap up the story for me, and felt really stupid. I understood the throwback of the boob growing in the middle of her face, but again that is so stupid and self-involved. I'm glad there are movies out there that are weird and different, but it didn't feel like an apt criticism of the anti-aging industry for me. I may also be biased because it hit a little close to home, but I am also so tired of watching movies in which women are put through such horrible things in the name of horror, art, commentary, and plot without any character development.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Ahir Shah’s 2023 stand-up hour, Ends, came out on Netflix last week. It’s the show that won the big Best Show award from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and deservedly so, in my opinion. I got to hear it last year and thought it was incredible, and could not wait for it to get filmed so everyone else can see it too.

I was prepared to be a bit disappointed when I watched the Netflix version, because I think something usually gets lost, from hearing something exactly as it was performed on an Edinburgh stage during its original run, to seeing a version that’s been workshopped for the better part of a year, and then edited for a streaming service.

I got a bit of that disappointment when Tom Ballard’s It Is I show went on YouTube – I saw it live the year before and thought it was absolutely incredible, and then I watched the filmed version, and thought it was still very good, but had lost a lot. They censored a couple of his swear words, which is a very good way to lose the momentum and/or vibe in a stand-up show. A couple of the threads had been cut out, and I didn’t know whether he’d dropped them from the show or whether they’d been edited out of the broadcast. I still enjoyed it, but not as much.

I was prepared for something similar with Ahir Shah’s show, and I’m pleased to say it didn’t happen as much. It still happened a bit – I’ll be honest, the version from its original Edinburgh run was better than this. But not by all that much. It was mostly the show I remember, and it was told very well, and it didn’t feel as “edited” as I often find that streaming service stand-up specials do. I think the earlier version made me laugh a bit more than the Netflix version did, though to be fair, part of that might be that everything’s funnier the first time you hear it, when you don’t know the punchlines are coming. I think a couple of the punchlines were missing from the Netflix version, and then a few more were softened by me knowing they were coming, so I didn’t laugh as hard.

But I did, to be honest, cry again. It’s one of those shows. One of those award-bait crying shows, and this one got its award, and I think it rightly so. Not all stand-up shows with bits to make you cry deserve awards. But this one sure did. It was one of only a couple of stand-up comedy shows to make me properly cry in 2023 (and on the subject of those couple of shows… NextUp should be putting out the new version of Grace Petrie’s stand-up show any day now, can’t wait to watch that again and cry more).

I don’t want to write too much about it because I think everyone should watch it, and I think it’s better to watch it without too many preconceived ideas of what’s in it. It’s a show about family and immigration and how past generations shape future ones, and it’s personal and political, and sometimes I don’t politically agree with every single detail of everything Ahir Shah says, but I can still see his perspective and respect his opinion.

And I don’t think that’s always true of differing political opinions – there are lots of political opinions that I don’t respect one bit and I think the people who hold them should fuck off. Ahir Shah isn’t one of those people, he’s just a left-wing version who has a bit of variation from me in the specifics of some of his views, and I find that interesting.

I often find it annoying when people say we should be “challenged” by stand-up comedy. I listen to the news to be challenged, and I read stuff by journalists and people who know what they’re talking about to inform my political views. Then I go to the entertainment sector to laugh when people say those views in a much funnier way than I could manage, and to feel a bit of cathartic relief when the comedians talk shit about the terrible people who hold terrible opposing views, since they’re able to put their shit talk into funny words. It’s nice. I do my civic duty and listen to news that adheres to journalistic standards of balance. Then I live my life that’s full of right-wing people very causally saying shitty things while I keep my mouth shut until by the end of it all, I have a headache and stomachache and pain in my chest from shutting my mouth for so long. And then I listen to comedians who agree with me talk shit, and it feels like a breath of fresh air and a weight off my shoulders. It does still have to be funny – I’ve heard some comedy where I agree the hell out of it but it’s not well written so it doesn’t make me laugh. But yeah, I probably do sometimes laugh a little harder at something where I agree with it politically, than I would if it were something equally funny but I didn’t agree the hell out of it. I like hearing my own views parroted back to me in an entertaining way, thank you.

And seriously, I don’t think it’s good when people complain about “you just want comedy to parrot your views back to you, instead of looking to be challenged”, because people looking to the entertainment industry to have their views challenged is a bit part of the problem. Challenge your views via people who know what they’re talking about. Don’t learn new things from comedians. They don’t know anything.

Those last couple of paragraphs are how I usually view political comedy. Which is why it’s such a big deal that I view this Ahir Shah show as an exception to that. I think he does challenge me, and I did learn some new things from this stand-up hour. Learned to look at a few things in a new way. Again, to be clear, he has the fundamentals of decent politics; he’s not out there challenging me with material that’s misogynist or transphobic or “actually when you think about it, maybe the government shouldn’t subsidize low-income children who want to eat at lunchtime”. Just different ways of looking at things, within the purview of being, you know, basically all right. I’m not sure I always agree, but I find it interesting.

So there’s that, in the show Ends. Intelligent political and sociological analysis. There’s the generational legacy stuff. Some good callbacks and throughlines. There’s the bit that made me cry, delivered very well. It’s always a bit weird to see someone do the tearjerker part of their show after they’ve been touring it for quite a while, and you know they’ve performed this same material a lot of times, so it’s hard to muster the same emotion every time. But I think he nailed it on the Netflix filming night, anyway. It got me just as good.

Oh, and it is funny. A bit less funny than the earlier version that I remember, but that’s a fucking high bar, and this was still funny. That's important too, in an award-winning comedy show.

Anyway, absolutely everyone should watch this, I cannot recommend it highly enough. If anyone reading this would like to watch it, and the only thing holding you back is not having Netflix and not knowing where to watch it, send me a message I can reply to privately (so, not an anonymous ask because those can only be replied to publicly - send me a direct message or a non-anonymous ask), and I'll help you out. That offer is always on the table with things I write about that have been publicly released, and I usually try not to refer to it too much in public posts, but I'm doing so in this one because I really really want to encourage people to watch this. Don't be shy if we don't know each other, either. Even if we've never interacted before, if you're a blog that has nothing to do with mine, doesn't matter. I'll just be happy to have pointed more people to this. (Though obviously, if you have Netflix watch it there to give him the view count, and, you know, support live comedy where you can and stuff.)

[duckiedaledeservedbetter]

finished a:tla netflix

here are some thoughts (idk, they might be controversial)

Things I liked:

Avatar itself is so good that even a bad adaptation is enjoyable, and i really enjoyed seeing the avatar world in live-action style, especially Omashu !!!

Ian Ousley was born to play Sokka idc what anybody else says, idc about the butchered character arc, or the personality changes or any of that, Ian Ousley is the live-action Sokka we deserve and he ate every scene (except one, which i WILL be mentioning later)

Like seriously Sokka has never given such big bro energy before and i'm living for it, Ian looks like Sokka, sounds like Sokka, and imo carried the show a bit.

I love a good long episode, none of this percy jackson 30 minute nonsense.

Fire Nation costumes HIT - like some of the other costumes were lacking but the fire nation uniforms and armor ? amazing.

They kept so much of the original music !!!

Honestly the bending was pretty good. i fully expected it to suck and be super cringey but there were really only a few moments of cringe for me.

Lieutenant Jee!!! best character!!! best casting!!! amazing, 10/10.

Like seriously though Omashu looked amazing, Agna Q'ela looked amazing, the southern air temple looked AMAZING.

Hahn was cute, i liked Hahn.

Blue Spirit accuracy omg i am so glad they stuck so closely to the original blue spirit storyline.

Gran gran was giving, ngl.

Again, Ian Ousley as Sokka. Show stopping.

Things I didn't like (sorry, the list is long):

sorry, gordon cormier did not do Aang justice. maybe it was the writing? idk, either way, Aang was not Aang-ing and he was honestly boring ? also i'm pretty sure Gordon is age-accurate (?) but if i had to guess his age with no prior knowledge i would guess 9. maybe 10. idk. i get that Aang is a kid but idkkkkkk I was just disappointed ig.

KATARA. ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. DON'T EVEN ASK, WE ALL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. Like, i never even liked Katara that much in the og show but dang, they ruined her.

besides katara, Iroh seemed the least character accurate to me. like, in the very first scene in the og show when Zuko is practicing his firebending iroh gets on his case for doing it wrong or whatever and he def has some attitude about it. like, Iroh isn't all chill all the time, let him have some attitude. also where was the wisdom? I felt a bit like i was watching endgame Thor - like iroh was kind of a joke? idk, i couldn't take his character seriously. the actor fell flat for me. bland. didn't sound like iroh, didn't really look like him. writing was weird.

THE PART WHERE THEY HEAL MOMO IN THE POND AND AND AND SOKKA - HUGS HIM ???? LIKE THAT ???? WHAT DID I JUST WITNESS ???? IM CRYING IT WAS SO CRINGE LIKE WHY DID I HAVE TO WATCH THAT WHAT WAS THE POINT

Maybe it was just me but Zhao's actor delivered all his lines like jokes with no punchlines. and he also was not remotely intimidating.

SORRY DANIEL DAE KIM I LOVE YOU BUT no. he didn't do Ozai justice (but really, who could possibly stand up to the performance of mark hamil?)

it wasn't funny. straight up. the whole show. just. not funny.

idk maybe i'm just a nitpicky bitch but none of the performances really hit except Ian's. that's my biggest complaint. they can change what they want (it is an "adaptation" after all) but none of the actors felt right. ig dallas liu wasn't bad ? ian ousley was great, but that's about it.

butchered bumi storyline. no thank you. i will be pretending that didn't happen.

i really just wanted to see live action sokka in kyoshi warrior makeup tbh.

ALSO STRAIGHT UP WHY DID EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER HAVE TO TALK ABOUT HOW SOKKA WASN'T A WARRIOR ??? LIKE YEAH VALIDATE HIS ENGINEERING PASSION AND WHATNOT BUT HE IS A WARRIOR? THAT IS PART OF HIS CHARACTER ? AN IMPORTANT PART ? THAT CARRIES HIS ARC TO THE VERY END OF THE SHOW ? LIKE HE IS A WARRIOR? A NON-BENDING WARRIOR ? idk man don't @ me i stan warrior sokka, it's literally a big part of the show, his growth from child to warrior, his training with piandao, his training with the kyoshi warriors, etc etc. like, it's important.

i feel like they took the wisdom and hard-hitting lines right out of the show. "youre just a child." "well, youre just a teenager." etc etc.

idk. it was fine overall. i watched it. i enjoyed it. i wish it could've been better-acted and more faithful to the original but you win some you lose some.

[shinypatrolhedgehog]

A couple of days ago I wrote about how I loved the Integration of covid into P Valley. Interestingly, there's a conversation on Twitter that debates covid storylines in the media.

I'm always two ways about it, appreciative or resentful.

Many shows incorporated COVID into the storyline. Some of us may have forgotten, but there was a sad showing of shows being cancelled or unable to shoot because of quarantines and positive cases. For media lovers, this was distressing, but more so because of the heightened emotions of the time. However, it was hard to be upset about it when you knew that it was all (ostensibly) in the interest of public health.

So, when some shows were able to get running again, a COVID storyline protected these workers. Incorporating masks and social distancing into a storyline protected the cast and crews of those shows, while also allowing them to work. Sure, it's a little jarring now, but for the time I remember feeling proud that these shows even survived past 2020.

I also think what's important is a nuanced depiction. Dont just imitate the news headlines of the year, really build it into the story and the characters. Make an effort. 2020 was awful, but there were some genuinely funny moments as well. There were bright spots people tend to forget with the overarching darkness of the time.

Some favorites off the top of my head:

P Valley

Grey's Anatomy

The Other Two

The Glass Onion

Shameless

But, sometimes it makes me resentful to see it yeah. Some shows or movies put a flash of 2020 and then just went business as usual. Those are the times when I'd rather them have just skipped to 2022. It just feels so disingenuous, like a mockery of a whole year of terror we all lived through! If you can't or you won't address it with the weight it deserves why bother at all? It's like throwing all of that pain, grief, and fear in my face and then going, well anyways-- Or even worse, it's made into some edgy punchline and just makes a full mockery of the millions that died.

At the end of the day I think it's important to have these depictions of what was real life. There were many things to remember about 2020, that choosing to actively forget the year is harmful to learning from everything that happened. The pandemic was awful but there were a lot of awesome people that year, people who worked tirelessly so that we could all get just get covid boosters and pretend the pandemics done. Creatives who churned out content to keep us from going stircrazy from boredom. Teachers, nurses, researchers who adapted to rapidly changing rules to help others while suffering the same conditions.

I just read this article by a UPenn researcher Guobin Yang titled, "Building a Public Culture of Pandemic Storytelling", from a year ago. In it he writes, "These voice diaries attest to the fact that during the pandemic, people sought creative ways to narrativize their experiences and make sense of the complexities of living within an unprecedented global crisis that touched every person."

We should be careful about thinking about the pandemic through sweeping generalizations that make it into a hollow, forgettable experience when all our experiences were so varied and complex and important, important enough to remember.

[iasmelaion]

as I get ever closer to finishing the campal fic which is taking me too long because frequent breaks for Having Emotions about campal, i find i need some motivation to spur myself on via my tried and true carrot and stick method of fic writing, but the problem is none of my other wips are the specific carrot i want right now. so instead i've been thinking of the fic idea/vibe I've been rotating in my head for literal weeks now, which consists of the following:

at first, I simply wanted to write something dumb about Bucky's dumb hair, because I am as always feeling the equivalent of cute aggression about sebstan's stupid beautiful hair, and all the photos from Cannes did NOT help. for this idea, i had: one (1) joke about bucky being his own inadvertent hair care product ad campaign (something something 'because you're worth it,' i was gonna figure out the punchline later), and one (1) barebones scene where steve says "actually, i used you as a model for a pomade ad i was hired to illustrate, so you've kind of already been a hair model" and i thought "hmm what if this scene was not funny but was instead fraught with sexual and emotional tension"

anyway, this didn't pan out, because i kept rotating it in my head and shaking it all "is this anything??? is this anything? like, is there a character arc here, some development--" and the answer was just more lustenvyrage re sebstan's hair. so this idea was set aside.

next i remembered that i've always been interested in writing SOMETHING about the way Steve and Bucky fight with each other with frankly preternatural seamlessness in CACW. I've referenced this in a couple fics, but I kind of want to write a fic that's ABOUT it, y'know?? like, the way their bodies are legible to each other even after so many changes. the way they know each other's bodies so well, the way their bodies talk to each other, in contrast to the ways they themselves don't actually manage to talk about the important shit. obvsly in a fic, this would go fighting together > fucking.

i am also thinking about this vis-a-vis "stop writing characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy". like. maybe i don't want them to TALK. maybe i want them to be insane weirdos about it. maybe they should sublimate all their emotions into fucking and weird OTT devoted gestures.

however, i am not actually interested in writing post-cacw pre-infinity war fic. so i did a lot of rotating in my head re canon setting, AU-ness, etc.

my other desire here is to, for the love of god, write something that isn't CUTE. listen, I know my fic writing lane. I appreciate all comments. I in fact have a great deal of fun writing things that are sweet and cute and hopefully also poignant and funny. but sometimes a girl gets real tired of having most things she writes classified as cute.

here is the additional thought i had today re this hypothetical fic: haunted house. not a literal haunted house, but a metaphorical one. (but also an actual house that is not actually haunted) (the metaphor is the house = the relationship, ofc) the house is being haunted by grief, the house is being haunted by regret, the house is being haunted by guilt.

so now i am here trying to fit all these disparate parts together into something coherent. like, if i write this, what is the resolution. what is the arc. i may not want to write something cute but i am still committed to reasonably happy endings. so the house is unhaunted? the house is still haunted but they live with the ghosts? they move to a new house???? (not sure how this works with the metaphor?? wait. maybe. hmm.) could this fic please god be under 10k????

anyway now i can't let it go until i solve it and i have written this whole thing in an attempt to figure it out/exorcise the idea. annoying.

this, fyi, is how my fic planning process goes when I can't/don't start with either: a) a punchline, b) a wouldn't-it-be-funny-if, or c) an actual trope or prompt. so great. so efficient and useful and fun ;___;

[jazikatxox-inthestars]

I'm really liking the direction the last couple of Doctor Who episodes this season have been going, but I'm just not connecting with it in the same way. I have to wonder if I'll feel differently in future seasons because there's two key issues for me.

1. The Doctor has been REALLY inconsistent and I don't think it's Ncuti's fault, I think it's the writing and directing. He's like a different person between episodes. For example, the ending of Dot and Bubble was weird to me, I wish they would have spent a little more time sitting with what happened. I felt like some previous episodes were basically spoon-feeding the punchlines and some of the messages so to go from that to this where the dialogue sort of just...ended felt strange to me. (Also if Lindy has no haters I am dead lol) I much preferred him in Rogue and the latest one because it felt more distinctly him.

2. I love Ruby and this Doctor as characters separately, but I don't think they have the best chemistry together. A lot of their interactions feel forced, even if they're funny. Though I'm generally a defender of shorter seasons because I understand how production works and how it's not realistic to have 20+ episode seasons every year anymore, I do feel in this case 8 episodes is truly not enough to do these two justice. It's just not working as well as it could in my opinion, just seeing them each be great actors on their own. 😭

I want to have hope because I don't like being a hater but I am also honestly still bitter about the horrible way "fans" spoke about Jodie for her ENTIRE RUN and praise RTD coming back as "Doctor Who being saved" then when something is objectively Not Great there's no thoughtful discussion. There's so much of either "RTD is god" or "DW is too woke now" (the latter of which is obviously not even worth engaging with)

This is part of why I find myself on Tumblr more these days, other socials are getting so out of hand for fandom stuff 😅 But then the trade off is nobody reads my posts on here 😂