#how can i get my ration card details

[businessskibat]

Ration card Yojana :अब आपका जहां मन करे वहां से राशन ले सकते है इस तरीके का इस्तेमाल करके 

Ration card Yojana:राशन की व्यवस्था समाज के सबसे महत्वपूर्ण पहलुओं में से एक है। यह न केवल लोगों के जीवन यापन के लिए आवश्यक है, बल्कि यह एक सामाजिक सुरक्षा तंत्र भी प्रदान करता है, जो गरीब और जरूरतमंद परिवारों को राहत प्रदान करता है। भारत में राशन का वितरण सरकारी राशन दुकानों (पीडीएस) के माध्यम से किया जाता है, जिससे गरीब तबके के लोगों को सस्ता अनाज और अन्य आवश्यक वस्तुएं मिलती हैं। हालांकि, आज…

[slow-motionlovepotion]

𝒌𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 | 𝒋.𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈:  boston era! joel miller x f!reader

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 2.6k

𝒂/𝒏: i woke up at 5am this morning and smashed this out rather than working on any of my other numerous wips ~ no beta (or edit), we die like men - minors do not interact.

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 18+ ~ sex work, mutual masturbation, unprotected sex (wrap it kids), slightly coercive behaviour, dirty talk (joel miller has a filthy mouth), creampie, mentions of drug dealing & murder (joel is a drug dealing murderer but that's canon so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone), possessive!joel, kinda mean joel, joel is a tease, degrading language (whore, multiple times), idk i think that's everything

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: pleasure has a price and Joel is willing to pay whatever it takes to have you

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐 ⇢

Joel often heard talk from the other smugglers, of pretty girls that’d sink to their knees for a few ration cards or a couple of pills. He pretends not to, but he listens, acting like he couldn’t care less about their sordid activities. 

“What about you Miller? You don’t fancy a visit to one of our girls?” Some ratty 20-something asks one day. Joel just rolled his eyes.

“You really think I’d pay for some whore you’ve all had your dicks in?” His disgust is false, an act. In truth, he’s no better than them, couldn’t care less how many guys a woman has fucked before him. 

Besides he’s got Tess. 

Except now he doesn’t. Doesn’t have a warm body to sink into, to fuck his stress out on. She’d cut him off, rightfully so, when she implied she wanted more and he continued to offer her exactly the same. 

So when a comment is made in passing one night: “You hear Danny’s girls got into the whoring business?” His ears perk up. 

He knows Danny, knew Danny, before Danny was resting not entirely in peace. If you were to ever leave the QZ and see a guy who looks an awful lot like Danny but, say, had mushrooms for eyes, no you didn’t. 

Tess had been the one to deliver the bad news to you while Joel had stood uncomfortably in the hallway, listening to your broken sobs through the door. 

Maybe that’s why Joel finds himself knocking at your door, long after curfew, just returned from a run where he’d listened to those arseholes describe in great detail how they’d be paying you a visit, all while Joel kept his back to them, hiding the hardness in his jeans as he’d pictured what he’d do to you himself. He really was no better than them. 

“Joel Miller. To what do I owe this pleasure?” You smile but it’s tight and it doesn’t reach your eyes 

“Can I come in?” He asks like this is normal behaviour but that’s the Joel you know, always direct and to the point no matter how rude it comes across. Gritting your teeth you step back, allowing him into your apartment. 

“Nice place” he surveys your home, bathed in a soft pinkish light from the lamp next to your bed, a book discarded on the messy sheets. 

“What do you want Joel?” You try phrasing your question differently to get him to get to the point. You’re tired, it’s been a long day and Joel is not easy company. 

“I heard you’ve become a bit of an entrepreneur, started your own business” He raises a questioning eyebrow at you and you want to slink back to the shadows at his confrontation but you don’t, you stand firm, refusing to buckle under his stare. 

You’d expected word to travel faster, you’d started working about a month after Danny’s untimely demise, all of a sudden fending for yourself, no longer benefiting from the additional earnings afforded the smugglers. You’d tried to keep away from that business, only taking clients that you knew had no connection with the likes of Danny’s friends and Joel Miller but maybe you hadn’t been as careful as you’d thought. 

“Do you have a problem with that?” You challenge. It’s awfully rich of him, coming into your home and giving you his opinion on your job, like his line of work is any better. He’s nothing but a glorified drug dealer and a murderer. 

“Of course not. Why’d you think I’m here?" His tone is serious, this is not a social call, it’s business, your business. 

“I thought you were with Tess?” You ask, more so to give yourself time to actually take in what he’s saying, not because you have any issues providing your services to men of an entangled nature. 

“I thought you weren’t supposed to ask questions” he shoots back

“I don’t, usually. Just looking out for myself, last thing I want is Tess comin’ around here thinking I fucked her man” 

Joel sighs, he’s not her man. Though he’s not surprised you would think that, people thought that before they started fucking and apparently still think that even after they’ve stopped. 

“You ain’t gotta worry about that darlin’” 

“Payment upfront” you concede and Joel nods, pulling a stack of ration cards out of his pocket. 

“What’ll this get me?” He places his payment on your kitchen table and you eye the stack, easily enough ration cards to keep you living comfortably for months. 

“Whatever you want” you say, you’ve done this for much less. But had you not been enticed by the thick wad of cards, you might’ve reconsidered that offer considering everything you know about Joel.

He thinks it over, dropping heavily into the corner of your sofa, one foot on the floor, the other muddying the already stained fabric. 

“C'mere” he commands and when you’re close enough he points to the other end of the sofa “Facin’ me” 

You sit, bringing your knees up to your chest, your t-shirt does nothing to cover your modesty but your shins are blocking the view Joel really wants. 

“Spread those legs darlin’, show me what I’m payin for” he tilts his head expectantly. 

You spread your knees, keeping one leg bent and dropping the other to the floor, your new position almost a mirror of Joel’s. You know he wants more, reaching down you pull the scrap of lace to the side, exposing yourself to his gaze. 

He lets out a groan at the sight of you, cunt glistening despite the fact he’s not even touched you yet. 

“Pretty girl” he breathes. His eyes flick to his offering on the table “Whatever I want?” He confirms and you nod “Ah-ah, words darlin’. I wanna hear you” 

“Yes Joel, whatever you want” his hand flexes on his thigh and you can see the growing hardness in his jeans. 

“Take it off” his command gives you some idea of how this is going to go, he’s going to tell you what to do, and you’re going to do it. 

Your hands find the waistband of your underwear and you lift your hips, slipping them down your legs and when you reach your ankles Joel holds his hand out, smirking when you drop the fabric into his waiting hand. 

“And the rest darlin’” You pull your t-shirt over your head, revealing yourself to be bare underneath. The t-shirt drops to the floor with a quiet thud as you lean back, returning to your position, legs spread and on show for him.

Your fingers automatically slide between your legs, spreading your wetness up to your clit, circling the bundle gently. Joel doesn’t take his eyes off you, hands quickly working at his belt and jeans, freeing his length with a relieved sigh. 

Thick fingers wrap around his even thicker cock and it’s like your own personal fantasy, Joel Miller thrusting into his fist, just for you.

You increase the pressure on your clit but keep your pace slow, teasing. It’s a dangerous game to play, acting without instruction but while Joel is watching you with heavy eyes and he’s not telling you to stop, you continue, dipping your fingers into your cunt, bringing them up to show him the wetness coating your fingers. 

He doesn’t stop you when you return your fingers to your clit, doesn’t stop you when you pick up the pace or when your breathing starts getting harder. 

In fact he puts on his own show, spitting into his palm and picking up his own pace, twisting his hand over the head, his free hand tracing abstract patterns over his thigh. 

You could get off like this, you’re going to get off like this, legs tensing and core tightening. A gasp gets caught in your throat as your orgasm builds, almost there, and then it’s gone. 

A growl rumbles in Joel’s chest when his hand grabs your ankle and you’re pulled flat on your back. He’s hovering over you, hand pinning both of yours above your head, your thighs hooked over his. 

“Not gonna come on your fingers” he pants by way of explanation, pushing the tip of his cock between your soaked folds, catching your clit and nudging at the entrance to your cunt. “Gonna come on my cock” 

Joel buries himself to the hilt inside you with a sharp thrust, the stretch is so satisfying it sends a shudder up your spine that has your back arching and your hips tilting down into his, desperate to feel the ache that comes with being too full.

“Look at that, got my entire cock buried in you and you still want more” Joel taunts you, his arm slipping under the arch in your back as he withdraws and pushes back in again. 

“Joel” you gasp as he fucks into you, pulling you down to meet his thrusts. His pace is unrelenting, thick cock dragging against your walls, the slight curve catching just right on that spot inside you that makes your thighs shake and your head go foggy. 

“Say it again darlin’” it comes out as a snarl but there’s a hint of a plea in there. 

“Fuck Joel, oh yes just like that” you push yourself further into him, his arm tightening to keep you there. 

Your shoulders burn and your fingers are going numb with the restricting grip of Joel’s hand around your wrists. It’s intimate, too intimate, Joel’s breath hot on your face and his entire body flush against yours. Joel must think so too because he pulls out, hand around your waist flipping you over so your face is pushed into the cushions and your hips are raised. Before you can even catch your breath he’s forcing himself back into you.

“Fuck, so tight. Especially for a whore” you don’t expect your cunt to clench at that and Joel definitely doesn’t expect it either. He lets out a shocked laugh “You like that? Being called a whore?” He pulls out and slides back in, the action and his question pulling a sinful moan from you. 

His pace from this angle isn’t so unrelenting but it’s harder and deeper, his hips and thighs flush against yours as he bottoms out, pulling out so you can just feel him resting at your entrance, so you feel the stretch of every thrust, over and over and over again. 

“Such a whore, letting anyone fuck this cunt for a couple ration cards” his hand grabs your hair, tugging so your back is pressed to his chest and his arm wraps around your waist, thumb flicking over your sensitive nipple. The hand in your hair pulls, turning you to face towards the table and his payment “My whore now. Those cards should be plenty enough that you don’t need to do this with anyone else” 

Like this, his cock nudges that spot inside you again and this time you cry out, ragged moans falling from your lips with every snap of his hips. And his words, god his words, wash over you like a too hot shower burning your skin. 

“All mine, just for me. Not gonna let anyone else touch you” You don’t realise that’s a question until you feel a sharp smack to your rear. “Tell me you’re not gonna let anyone else touch you”

“Not gonna” you shake your head as you speak “only you” 

“Tha’s my girl” he murmurs and oh you like that, the idea of being Joel’s girl, being the one he spends his nights buried inside. 

“Yes, your girl, just for you” His mouth is on your neck and he bites down as you speak, sucking bruises onto your skin. 

If it was anyone else you’d tell them to stop, no one wants a whore marked by another man but he owns you now so you let him. Hand reaching up to grab his hair, keeping his mouth on you, giving him permission. 

His free hand works its way between your legs, flicking your clit with practised fingers and you’re suddenly right on the edge, release within reach, you just need a little bit more. As if Joel can sense exactly what you need his mouth breaks from your neck and his lips find your ear 

“Is my whore gonna come for me?” He teases, pulling a frantic litany of ‘yes’ and ‘please’ from you. “C’mon then” 

The waves that had been steadily building crash over you, shaking violently as your cunt tightens and flutters around his cock, pulling him in deeper. Light bursts behind your eyes and your hands claw at his arm keeping you upright, nails biting into his skin. You don’t hear the scream you let out but you feel it burning in your chest and your throat. Your ears are ringing, muffling the sound of Joel talking you through it. 

When you finally return to yourself Joel is still thrusting into you, your head resting heavily on his shoulder behind you.

“Gonna come in this cunt, fill you up” that snaps you back to reality 

“No. Joel you can’t- can’t do that” you panic slightly, wanting to push him away but he’s too strong, grip too tight.

And really, if you’re being entirely honest, you don’t actually want to push him away, you want to take what he gives you but it’s unrealistic and you can’t let yourself want that. 

“Yeah I can, you’re mine now. Or have you forgotten already?” You shake your head, no you haven’t forgotten but no he still can’t come inside you “don’t worry’ll get you the mornin’ after pill” 

His words are slurred and his thrusts are losing rhythm and you realise he’s holding back, waiting for you to say yes. His arm around you squeezes in warning and you can feel him tense behind you. This is it, the ultimate trust exercise and it’s now or never. Your hand entangles with his around your waist and you nod. 

“Fuck, yeah. Want it, wanna feel you fill me” His fingers tighten under yours and he picks up speed, fucking into you sloppily and panting against your temple. 

With a final thrust and a groan you can feel in your own chest Joel spills into you, holding himself so deep it’s painful, ‘Property of Joel Miller’ branded on your walls with every drop of his release. 

“So good, so fuckin’ good f’me” he breathes hot into your ear, hips twitching as he comes down from his high. He doesn’t let you go straight away, naked frame held tight against his fully clothed one. You untangle your hand from his when your legs start to ache, knees protesting as they dig into the well worn sofa, slumping forward when Joel finally releases you. 

Your body is exhausted, eyes heavy and stinging with the effort of keeping them open. Joel’s up and redressed before you even think about reaching for your t-shirt, uncaring as you lay naked on your sofa, marked body on display for him. 

Joel’s calloused fingers trace the blossoming bruises that litter your neck and shoulders, his touch surprisingly tender. His hands find yours and help you up so you’re sitting, holding your t-shirt out to slip into, the marks on your neck are visible above the neckline of your shirt and a dark sense of pride washes over him.

“I meant what I said, enough cards there to keep you comfortable for a while, don’t wanna hear you’ve been whoring yourself out again” His confession takes you by surprise, you honestly hadn’t thought he meant it, men say all sorts of things in the throes of passion, you’d know.

The realisation sends a shiver down your spine, you’re his girl now and you don't mind that one bit, the kept woman of Joel Miller.

𝐉𝐎𝐄𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐒����𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

[secretress]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥; 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐤𝐢𝐝.❞

What do you need to let go? (II)

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Pac summary!

x What do you have to let go?

x What can help you let go?

x Oracle cards

Moodboard | Divider

Pile I

Reversed 7 of cups, reversed king of pentacles, king of swords, and king of wands.

Right now, you are feeling overwhelmed, and you are worried about the progress that you have made. You feel stressed out and are nitpicking at the smallest details. People are saying things to you, and you feel like they are mocking or criticizing you. You feel as if everyone is out to get you, and they want to kill you or are trying to steal something from you. Despite all of these emotions you are feeling, you are trying to stay rational, but the overwhelming thoughts are eating you alive. And so you decided to try meditation, but your mind is foggy and crowded, and that is simply not working out for you. You are confused because you are following others' advice but ultimately forgetting what works best for you. You have a lot of paranoia surrounding you and a lot of stress is surrounding your energy. I see an alien-like leech sucking onto my skin, causing blisters and red bumps, and you feel the same way. You feel as if something is truly leeching on you, and intuition says that there are people who are. You have people who are leeching on your knowledge and skills, but the people that are.. You have mistaken them for good people, and those that are trying to help, you have become paranoid. Intuition also tells me that you need to take a huge step back from everything, I mean every single thing you can think of especially work (if you can), and your hobbies and completely allow your emotions to come forth. Forget meditation, the advice given to you by others, from a majority of piles, and such.. And just sit with your emotions and your thoughts and allow them to be heard. You have been ignoring them, pushing them down into a meat grinder, and allowing them to overwhelm you.

The problem is that you are very stubborn with your beliefs and your dreams. Which is totally okay, yet these dreams aren’t even what you want. It’s what your family wants, and you are falling into what someone wants and not what you want. Your heart is screaming at you to follow your dreams, but your anxiety and logical mind say otherwise. ‘’Follow the family, and everything will come into piece,’’ is something your mind says, whereas your heart screams, ‘’this isn’t what I want. I want that dream...’’ if you keep following what your family wants, you will only fall into a never-ending bottomless pit. Think of those who constantly lie and dig themselves a deeper hole. That is exactly what you are doing, but with yourself. I know a majority of you love your family, and that’s great, but do not forget yourself in the process. How can you expect love from others or people to come into your life if you are not following your heart and what you want? Do you honestly think you will be happy throughout the process? Life is a journey, and you are following someone else's path. I hear, ‘’yeah, but my father was just like me, and he learned to love it, so what?’’ Perhaps he did, or perhaps he was just like you and forced himself to do the same. Perhaps that is why you both are so similar and understand one another despite the circumstances. Perhaps that is why you fight for the same reasons in your own way. Perhaps that is why you think about your father and miss him whenever you do this, because you both were on the same boat. It is up to you to decide, but ultimately, you will be miserable if you keep going with this journey and do not follow your love for arts. 

It’s interesting that you have three kings because you have all of this stress surrounding you as you follow family tradition, yet you crave freedom, and when you do decide to follow your dreams, so much success will come your way. The king of wands is about the ability to inspire others and motivate them, and you want the same. Some of you crave to be a motivational speaker, following along the lines of helping trans people, helping Palestine, helping those struggling with mental health, or breaking past family traditions and the cage you feel. Some of you crave to be painters and allow others to see your drawings and the love you put into them, the story you make through your drawings, through your art, that meaning, the passion, etc., and the rest of you want to surround yourself with history and music. You want to combine everything and show the world how history is repeating itself and how we can stop it, but all through music. Everyone here has so much talent, but all of your talents are going to waste; you have a chance to reach your highest potential, but everything is going in vain out of fear. How can you crave such success if you don’t fight for it? I know there will be hardships with everything, and pain comes with it, but sacrifice is necessary for your dreams. That is why some people ask, ‘’if you could have anything in the world, what would it be? Would you sacrifice anything for it?’’ and some people also say, ‘’i would do anything just to have it.’’

The real question is: what would you sacrifice to have that dream of yours come to fruition?

You got three kings in your pile, and that’s amazing since kings are always known to be rich and surrounded by everything they so desire. So don't you want to have that as well? Be your own king and have things filled with the things you desire. All you have to do is break the tradition of following your family and find your own path. And everything else that isn't in your control will follow along. But you have to take control of your life and become your own success. Because others should not be your miracles, you must be your own. 

Oracle cards.

Lake  Stillness. ‘’The tempo of life these days has sped up considerably, and there seems to be no end to the quickening pace.  No matter if the noise is from your environment or your seemingly nonstop thinking, it is critical for you to seek stillness.’’

River  Movement ‘’Fighting or blocking the flow of your Life Force can lead you to feeling spiritually void and disconnected from Source.  Surrender to the movement of Life, be grateful and you will see the signs along the shore and in the river itself that offer you clues about what direction your egoless Self is to be making.’’

Dawn New beginnings ‘’This is a time to say farewell to the old and honor the new by releasing any self-imposed constraints or resistance to the truth that you know.’’

Masterlist.

Pile II

Reversed the lovers, reversed seven of swords, and king of cups.

Your heart is sinking into a deeper hole, and every time you try to reach out to this person, everything goes down the drain. You keep seeking something that never existed. You keep chasing something that will not happen. You are chasing away the person who loves you. You know them already, but you seek out the one person who wants to harm you. You focus on those who harm you, thinking that it’s okay, and when they hurt you, you’re like ''wtf,'' I didn’t deserve this, but you did. You push those who wanted you happiness, those who wanted to help you, and those who loved you; you push away them for those who wanted your worst and wanted to ruin you. You did everything for them and had such expectations that it never came to be. So yes, you did deserve it, and you must change your mindset. Stop allowing yourself to attract people who do not value or care for you in your life. Go back to those who give a shit about you. Don’t you want that? Perhaps you don’t think your younger self, before all of this pain occurred, deserved that? I don't think so. Do you?

With the reversed 7 of cups, you have the opportunity to change and make your life into something you desire. But because you suffer from the need to hurt yourself—a self-sabotaging tendency you picked up from your mother—you cannot end the cycle. This cycle has affected you since you were a child, hence adding ''before the pain.'' Intuition tells me you need to be honest with the person who loves you and tell them straight up that you are madly in love with them, but you struggle with sabotaging yourself because ___ you can fill in the dots for yourself. Since every single one of you has your own personal reasons that cannot be read. Reversed 7 of cups is focused on you making your own positive change to happen in order to start fresh. Why be your own enemy when you can pick yourself back up and with time and effort, be with the person you love? Because they are waiting for you, but are you waiting for them? Are you going to take this positive opportunity and be with them, or are you going to go back into the same cycle as your mother and allow yourself to be with an abusive person because you think you deserve that? The same thing happened to your mother, and if not your mother, then your great-great grandmother. Why follow along with generational trauma when you can make a name for yourself, look back at yourself in the future, and thank yourself? Why do you allow yourself to move on from your past and bury your emotions? You cannot actually move on from the past because you have lied to yourself and buried your emotions. Where is the logic in that? It’s simply impossible for it to be done. If one doesn’t understand their emotions, then they cannot heal themselves. Do not and stop lying to others, ‘’oh! I am healed! Oh! I am a secure attachment!’’ No, you are not. You have an anxious attachment style and cling to people who do you harm because you are so used to causing yourself trauma. You don't even understand how beautiful your life could’ve been if you stopped, took control, and allowed yourself happiness. 

It’s funny how you do not even understand how this person cares for you.. How much they love you so much that they would die for you on the spot. They would do everything in their power to be with you, to soothe your pain, and to kiss your wounds. To live in your essence and be with you. You cannot even grasp the compassion and love that you have for them, and yet it’s all hidden from all the toxic energies around you and the negativity leeching onto you in your mind. The person you ignore for the other person who is toxic would be the most loving and devoting person you could ever have met. Such patience in someone—I have never channeled that before. They have such a heartwarming and beautiful soul, but you simply do not see through all your self-sabotaging tendencies. For once, look at them, focus on the smaller details, and see for yourself how much love and devotion they have for you. Notice the way they smile at your words or brush your hair behind your back. Notice their texting styles and how soft they become. Notice the subtle messages they give you because they love you so much and you haven’t even known one another for so long, yet you both fell for each other. You believe in soulmates; they do not and yet.. They question if it exists because of you. That is how important you are to them, but you do not seem to notice. The king of cups is such a beautiful card; they find you to be even more beautiful than this card. The card signifies (in love) someone who embodies empathy, such compassion, and is so very loyal to their said lover. But your said person finds you to be absolute perfection.. A constant chant of perfection is appearing in my mind; all they can say to others is how perfect you are. Will you seriously let that person disappear from your life for this toxic person just because of your tendencies to self-sabotage? Is that what you truly seek, or is that an illusion for yourself out of fear? Because I will tell you this.. dating this person will heal you more than you could ever know.. but do you have the courage to heal them too, or will you allow them to ruin themselves for you because you chase those that do not deserve you?

Oracle cards.

Love Compassion. ‘’All wounds stem from the illusion of separation from Source and all of Creation.  The route to healing this wound is through cultivating love and compassion for every being on this planet, including yourself.’’

Rainbow Blessings. ‘’The storm has passed and it is time to enjoy the refreshing beauty of this cycle, even though it has been difficult to appreciate any sense of purposefulness in what you have endured lately.  You can now, as they say, count your blessings.’’

Summer Solstice Radiance.  ‘’Let the radiance of the sun inspire your inner radiance to shine forth. Release concerns about what may happen in the future and focus on appreciating everything you have that is good and right.’’

Masterlist

Pile III

Three of swords, reversed two of pentacles, and reversed six of swords.

Your heart has been broken by a lover. You recently got out of a romantic long-term relationship, and you have been mourning them for too long. Your heart is aching, and your mind races back to the same person. You are stuck in the past, and every time you have time to rest, you do not know what to do with it. You distract yourself with music, podcasts, or any background noises in the background so your mind doesn’t have to overthink. Sometimes you will scroll on social media, wasting your time, so you do not have the urge to reach back to them. This long-term relationship was going to be your way out of your hellhole. A lot of you struggle with depression, and having them by your side makes your life easier. The problem with that is that you leeched onto their energy and made them lose themselves in the process, along with their interest in you. They were secure and resilient, but with you, they became anxious because you were anxious. Meaning, you made them start to worry about your well being when you could have taken care of yourself. You already knew how to, but you thought having someone else do the work for you and their love would heal you—when you, yourself, are the goal of healing. So you must let them go and stop with the what-ifs. You already made your decisions, and now you can use those mistakes as lessons to heal. 

You have been ignoring your goals lately because you have punished yourself with this. Your energy is dark and gloomy, and intuition tells me that you waste your time doing things that do not benefit you. With the two of pentacles reversed, you are struggling to figure out your priorities and what you want to do with your life. You planned your whole life ahead with the person, forgetting them in the process. In a way, you thought about them on a constant daily basis, became obsessed with them, and then became jealous if they didn’t listen to you, do what you wanted, and/or hang out with someone else instead of you. Your obsessive nature is another thing you must let go of since it doesn’t serve you, causes you stress, and overall isn’t what people are interested in. You need to understand that people cannot do everything that you want, and you must learn how to respect others boundaries and lose control over them. It’s okay to lose control; learn how to control yourself instead of others. The world doesn’t revolve around you and learn to let go of your ego. Your ego, insecurities, and fears were your downfall, and you are aware of this but ignore them because you cannot handle the truth. 

You need to understand that your ego and your constant obsession over this person and your past are making you stuck. You must move on with your life, find freedom, and release the past. You must heal, and you must truly heal. Actually take time and go slow with the process. Stop letting your fears take over, make excuses with them, and complain to others. No one wants that. Would you like to meet someone who dumps trauma on you or constantly complains? No, so do not do the same with other people. Take a break from everyone and focus on empathy and how to let go of the past. Then, once you have done that, focus on your shadow self and heal yourself. You can do meditation to release trauma or do shadow work prompts. This will help you understand the reason why you do this in the first place and how to heal from it. Stay consistent with it, and then when you are in the present moment and you have healed more than you could imagine. Look back to your past and appreciate the hard work that you put in to be right where you are. Do you understand? 

Oracle cards.

Tsunami  Wake up call. ‘’You are getting a wake-up call. It may be in the form of a significant loss or other dramatic event in your life, typically one you were unprepared for. However, know that it is time to draw back the curtain of avoidance and denial and face the truth.’’

Clouds Shapeshifting.  ‘’In both subtle and more dramatic ways, you can shapeshift by your choice of clothing, hairstyle, adornments and even mannerisms.  By adjusting these along with you internal attitude, you can actually display different personas.  Be like the clouds-try different forms by stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone.  You might discover something new about yourself!’’

Crystals Focus. ‘’It is time to bring your complete focus to the subject of your inquiry.  Eliminate all distractions, and give this your undivided attention.  This focus will align your flow with life force energy, making any task at hand one accomplished with a sense of relaxation.’’

Masterlist

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

book 7 part 5 thoughts!!

***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 PART 5 OF THE MAIN STORY!!***

If you’d like to watch a rough part-by-part summarized translation, please check out this archived stream!

Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.

Starting off strong with some lore on magic! Teleportation magic involves breaking oneself down and reconstructing elsewhere. If the distance from point A to point B is too large and/or the caster is in poor health, the magic may fail or be difficult to perform.

Hmmm... Lilia is reacting very emotionally to the situation, but it is Baul that is (mostly) rational and reminding Lilia to keep calm. I'd anticipate it being the other way around, so that's quite interesting.

HUH... Even Sebek is staying calmer here than Lilia is; Sebek recalls training with Lilia and how they were taught that they have to stay calm to think and plan effectively in tough situations. Ironic that the old Lilia was the type to go against the advice he would later give and instill in his pupils. Again, it goes to show how much he has changed since then.

AH, BAUL'S BEING A TSUNDERE AGAIN 🤡 He's telling the kids to stay behind because the situation has changed... "Don't foolishly discard the life Lilia-sama protected", "humans shouldn't be fighting alongside fae anyway", etc. (And, of course, Silver's the one to step up and tell him fae or human, it doesn't matter and he still owes Lilia his life all the time.) NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO TALK, GUYS... MALLEMOM'S GONNA BE GAME ENDED

Weird sounds downstairs? SILBEK KICK DOWN THE DOOR and we find some chefs in hiding. adhbasvfvuvfqeilfe;o THEY MISTAKE SILVER FOR THE DAWN KNIGHT... More sussy behavior implying the Dawn Knight must be his ancestor.

They ask for brooms to transport the injured faster. Silver's negotiation skills come in clutch again, he convinces the chefs to direct them to the brooms even though it would be helping the fae, the humans' enemies.

Not Sebek's stomach growling now of all times... NOT SEBEK DENYING IT SO MUCH (it's okay, they get pity and some food from the chefs!)

Found a room full of birds; they seem to be for transporting messages. Silver feeds them some of the bread they got from the chefs. Wow, Sebek's actually being sneaky/clever (?). He tells Silver he's loved by animals, so time to use that now so they can use the birds.

AKHBBGSKUVYEQFBI NOT GRIM WANTING TO EAT THE BIRDS

Bleh, we have another time-gated, character-limited map segment. Silver and Sebek take up 2 of the 5 slots. Again, the cards' health does not regenerate unless you land on a special square. Luckily for us, there is only a single path forward rather than a larger, sprawling map.

NO KIDDING, THE BIRDS HELP THEM FIGHT THE SILVER OWLS... Literally they're swooping in and tugging on the knights' cape and stuff... the squirrels nibbled away at their catapults' rope too... chucking rocks at them... THE BIRDS POOPED ON THEIR ARMOR TOO???????? Imagine training your whole life to put your life on the line for your home country, only to be literally shat on and defeated by woodland creatures...

Lilia: I hate children. Also Lilia: *rushes into battle to protect the children and gives them head pats for a job well done and asks them to be safe*

Silver continues to be a Disney princess!! They find some horses tied up and he's like "let's free them". Sebek drops some club lore; Silver is one of the better students in Equestrian Club when it comes to soothing the horses. True Horse Girl at heart, huh??

Silver and Sebek are surprised that what they learned in school is actually helping the in a "real world" sense. Man, I wish that was true of irl high school education too...

The Silver Owls recruited mercenaries from other countries to help them seize Briar Country's resources??? The others pitch in because they live in fear of a dragon attacking them.

They're going to teleport into the castle, but they can't teleport out since they can't guarantee the safety of Tamago-sama... They're going to use the underground waterways to escape!

There's a mountain range that protects another castle of the royal family, Black Scale Castle. Malleus's mom is currently in an unprotected castle, Wild Rose.

Wow, what a peaceful vista straight out of Sleeping Beauty. I sure hope it doesn't become tainted by blood being spilt and bodies dropping or anything craaazy like that/j

DAWN KNIGHT INCOMING???? Silver's ring starts??? Going off??? When he sees the Dawn Knight...

Heinrich reveal too! He seems like just as much of a scumbag as all the rumors say he is (he wants a dragon to ride, tells the Dawn Knight he's only good for his swordsmenship, etc). BRO JUST STRAIGHT UP SAYS HE WANTS TO TAKE MALLEMOM'S EGG AND RAISE IT TO BE HIS STEED... 💀 WTF THAT'S SO DARK

This asshole reminds me of Jack Horner from Puss in Boots 2: The Last Wish, who is another irredeemably evil man with a small face and a generally grotesque design.

Heinrich is after the castle and some very powerful magestone called "Princess's Glow"? Not sure, did not hear the second word well.

He's giving them 30 minutes to send the princess out for a one-on-one duel with the Dawn Knight. If she wins, they'll retreat (I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR ONE SECOND).

NOT THE CASUAL FAE RACISM... Heinrich calls Mallemom a "witch". If you'll remember!! In book 6, Lilia says that mages were once called witches, but implied that those terms are now outdated and considered derogatory.

The Dawn Knight is like Silver! He tries to tell Heinrich this isn't right, but Heinrich tells him that since his father took the Dawn Knight in as an orphan, the Dawn knight "owes" them. It's a twisted parallel to Silver and Lilia's relationship (because Silver says he feels like he "owes" Lilia and has to repay him).

Okay, so to review the family tree??? The king of the human faction is sick and they want the Princess's Glow to heal him. The king is the dad of Heinrich and Leah; the king would also later take in the Dawn Knight. Leah and the Dawn Knight are in love.

Malleus's mom's official name is "Meleanor" (a location name is written in English with this)i. The castle's halls really resemble those in Diasomnia dorm (I think it's a reused asset). (Now that I think about it??? Didn't they also reuse the VDC backstage background for the eastern fortress?)

SHE'S SINGING???????? A lullaby for her baby, it seems. Bruh... Malleus sang like a line from this lullaby before he game-ended everyone with his UM... HE REMEMBERED HER SONG FROM INSIDE THE EGG SHELL??????????

MALLEMOM REVEAL AW YEAH (she starts zapping Lilia with lightning lol; she's mad at Lilia for showing up late to defend her and her egg) SHE'S THE HOT GOTH GF

OMG EGG REVEAL TOO... UNBORN MALLEUS... (The egg looks like it has blot running down it too, which is insane)

ADBLIsfiablfa IT'S SO WEIRD SEEING HER SIMP ON MAIN, she says he knows her unborn child will grow up to be a beautiful man just like her husband... (Sebek is practically sobbing from happiness that he gets to witness Meleanor name Malleus.)

The ear shape is really coming back to bite them; Mallemom noticed them and now her anger is turning to our group. She forces us to kneel with magic... Jafar energy fr

"Princess Glow" is the green orb in Mallemom's staff!

Lilia tells some embarrassing stories of the princess's tomboyish youth; "And though you always scolded me, you never failed to join me in my mischief" -- Mallemom to Lilia

She agrees to duel the Dawn Knight while the others escape with her child... Now Mallemom and Lilia are fighting because Lilia refuses to follow through with her order.

NOOOOOOO SILVER JUMPED IN TO PROTECT LILIA FROM MALLEMOM'S LIGHTNING 😭 EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS IT'S A DREAM, HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIS DAD HURT

Lilia trauma time :)) "I can't lose both you (Meleanor) and Raverne (Malleus's dad)".

IT'S LIKE WE THEORIZED, LADS. Mallemom says that if anything happens to her, then it's up to Lilia to help Malleus hatch with the POWER OF TRUE LOVE... BUT LILIA THINKS HE CAN'T HATCH IT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND A PARENT'S LOVE

OH MY GOOOOOOD THE PIPING HOT TEA, MELEANOR SAID LILIA PROPOSED TO HER WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG... OVER 200 YEARS AGO

sdhbfbiyoaifofi Mallemom says that Lilia "also loves Raverne" and that those two spent more time together than a "married couple". You could interpret this as Lilia being bisexual or just as them being really good friends, as Meleanor never specifies if Lilia “loves” Raverne romantically.

Suddenly, Lilia's special card name makes sense! Lilia is the "Right General", and Raverne is the "Left General".

The weather shifted according to Meleanor's anger. Like mother, like son... This woman also quotes Maleficent so much...

OOOOH we get to watch a battle between Mallemom (dragon form) vs the Dawn Knight. Mallemom uses all null/cosmic magic, just like Dorm Uniform Malleus. The Dawn Knight uses light type null/cosmic magic just like Silver does too!

Dawn Knight face reveal?! He's basically Silver copy-pasted but long blonde hair. Dude's really out here looking like a Sonic OC recolor/j

The Dawn Knight also has a crown-like ring on a chain. It's an item that was given to him by guardian fairies when he was young; there is no other like it.

YASASHII... The Dawn Knight notices our group has the egg and tells them to run. He doesn't want Heinrich to get his hands on it either... Crowley, takes notes 😭

UHHHHH SILVER'S CRYING AND SHOUTING... I think he realized that he's descended from the Dawn Knight, serving on the faction that's brought so much harm to his loved ones and home country. "Am I family to the enemy?!" His denseness is truly to his detriment here.

Uh-oh, Silver's being pulled into the "darkness" of the dream, thinking it would be better to just stay here than face reality... He's losing hope, DOING THE THING HE FORESHADOWED LAST UPDATE... IF HE EVER FALLS INTO THE DARKNESS, THEN PLEASE PULL HIM OUT... (Another map segment with Silver required; you have to find your way around in the dark.)

NOOOOO NOT SILVER SEEING HIMSELF AS THE DAWN KNIGHT THAT HIS DAD'S STRIKING DOWN IN VENGENCE OTL WHAT IS THIS, IT'S SO SICK AND TWISTED

400 years after conflict, the peace treaty was signed between fae and humans. Wild Rose Castle is now left in ruins; the rumors say it is haunted. The diurnal fae casted a spell on Wild Rose to keep humans away.

HUH???? LILIA FOUND BABY SILVER IN THE ABANDONED WILD ROSE CASTLE?????

Uhhh so apparently after the war we saw, another conflict broke out for territory and the Silver Owls got their asses handed to them.

LILIA UNIQUE MAGIC REVEAL... HE CAN READ THE MEMORIES OF THINGS HE TOUCHES????? (Reminds me of "Dimensional Scream" from Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of TIme/Darkness/Sky!) "Far Cry Cradle" is the name! We also get the chant: "As if it were a day. Everywhere I go, it will be in a blink of an eye."

BABY SILVER?????

Silver was magically put to sleep for hundreds of years by some small (guardian) fairies?!?!?!?!?!?!? Because conflicts were still going on and his parents wished for him to live in a world free of war. When Silver meets someone who "loves" him, he will wake up from his magic-induced slumber. NOW THE BABY IS AWAKE AND CRYING

... Wait. Doesn't that mean. Silver is technically older than Malleus... since Malleus is only 178 years old and Silver's been sleeping for like 400 years????? OTL SILVER OLD MAN ERA??????

NOT (PAST) LILIA BEING TSUNDERE, he says he thinks the guardian fairies' magic is fading with time... he doesn't even consider that he'd ever love the baby...

"I'm not someone who deserves your love" - Silver, casually cuing all of our tears

Silver's hair was originally blonde; It became silver when he received a fairy's blessing (Lilia's). LILIA SAYS "May the Night bless you" and says that the day he found Silver is his new birthday. So the Dawn Knight has gold hair because it's blessed by a diurnal fae, but with silver hair like moonlight, Silver won't stand out in Briar Valley.

I CAN'T WITH LILIA, SILVER SAYS HE WAS NAMED THAT BECAUSE OF HIS HAIR COLOR IN A BIRTHDAY VIGNETTE... Yet here we see Lilia actually named him Silver as in silver moonlight to guide people in the darkness...

"Even if I have to give up my own life, I want to protect my child", that's a sentiment that both Lilia's princess and the Dawn Knight expressed. I think this kind of thinking probably helped Lilia put everything into perspective and better understand that humans and fae are actually very similar.

SILVER/LILIA HOME REVEAL, we're seeing some point later in time but before present day when Lilia is still raising baby Silver.

Lilia is singing the same lullaby as what Meleanor sang for Malleus in the egg!! Malleus pays them a visit and still doesn't really seem to understand humans (HE SAYS SILVER LIKE A MONKEY????) but also helps watch baby Silver... He even hums his mom's lullaby for Silver, but cannot seem to remember where he heard the song before.

It's so weird thinking about how fae take 30 YEARS TO LEARN HOW TO WALK... What do you do for those 30 years, just lie on your back????? OTL

LILIA READS SILVER BEDTIME STORIES

Oh, Lilia's understanding humans and fae a little better (around the time Silver starts to eat pureed foods). Both human and fae babies cry and sleep, etc. BHFABIYFVQIQEFL hE'S FEEDING SILVER RAT MEAT???????? Malleus has to have the castle prepare baby food for them...

WAHHHHH THAT ACRON BRACELET LILIA TREASURES IS SOMETHING KID!SILVER MADE FOR HIM... Squirrels helped him gather the acorns and woodpeckers helped him string the acorns together. The acorn amulet is meant to bring Lilia a long, healthy, and happy life (something Silver was told by forest fae). Even as a kid... Silver was hoping for Lilia's health... and now that I think about it, the acorn amulet is like a representation of Lilia's own deteriorating health over time... OTL

"I feel like I can live a thousand years with this (amulet)..." LILIA EVEN KEPT IT ALL THIS TIME AND CALLS IT HIS MOST PRECIOUS BELONGING... shUT UP, SHUT UP IM CRYING

ASKHBLIDIBIFIA WE'RE SEEING THE RAINING SCENE LILIA TOLD US ABOUT IN ONE OF HIS BIRTHDAY VIGNETTES???!?!?!?!????!? It's the day Silver realized he and Lilia aren't related by blood...

God, there are so many of the map portions... This time, Sebek is the required character!

The rest of the gang are transported to the darkness where Silver is wallowing?? Sebek sees some of his own memories which intertwin with Silver's (since Baul sometimes took bare of Silver or visited Lilia). It's also confirmed that Lilia went to Sebek's dad to ask for advice on how to raise Silver.

Back then, Baul asked Lilia to train Sebek since he's part human (and therefore "weak" in Baul's eyes). However, Baul still values his grandson and wants him to have a good education 🥺 (Sebek's older brother also graduated from NRC??)

Lilia tore up his invitation to NRC???? But it was his friend Raverne who came to him with the invitation pieced back together and kept it safe for the future in case Lilia reconsidered. It seems like Raverne really is a diplomat; he stresses the importance of humans coming to understand fae + vice versa, and how it's things like learning a common language that can help bridge these gaps.

Lilia confirms that Raverne must have "become a star" by now BUT UNTIL I SEE A CORPSE I'M NOT BELIEVING IT

Sebek's trying to get through to Silver, who's slowly being swallowed by the darkness... HE UNVEILS HIS UM, "Living Bolt"!! "Thrust through the clouds, o' lightning!" It seems to summon a powerful strike of lightning, but I'm not entirely sure what it does because the visuals of the game are a little confusing??? (Like it shows a white silhouette of Sebek moving around, so it makes me think he can... control the lightning??? Or he... becomes lightning itself to move around??? DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT.) Sebek says he hasn't mastered it yet so maybe even he doesn't know what it can do.

With Sebek's UM, he's able to snap Silver out of it!

THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTING... There's literally a battle between Silver and Sebek, which resolves with Sebek smacking some sense into Silver. Sebek calls him an idiot and tells him to stop saying he isn't loved, because it's rude of Silver to be this weak when Lilia raised him to be strong (ie "IT'S AN INSULT TO LILIA-SAMA", "IF HE SAW YOU BEING THIS PATHETIC HE'D BE SAD", etc). Way to go with your words of encouragement... 100/10 motivational speaker, Sebek.

Silver realizes that he has had Lilia's love and support all this time... "It's true love", Silver says. The true love that his guardian fairies said would wake him from his sleep... 😭I really appreciate how it was Silver who first snapped Sebek out of his dream-induced despair, and now Sebek is doing the same for Silver.

WAIT THAT'S IT?????? THAT'S THE UPDATE???? ?? ??? ? ????????? 🤡 TWST really said, "I'm coming for everyone's throat and I'm taking no prisoners" AND THEN DIPPED ON US AFTER DROPPING SO MANY BOMBSHELLS... This is just the fate of every book 7 main story update now, isn't it???!??????!?

asidoavyfqevofb I know a ton of really exciting and shocking reveals happened this time around, but while my mind is still racing to process everything... the one thing that sticks out to me is "Ace is the only one without a UM now". IT'S SO FUNNY HOW HE THOUGHT HE'D GET HIS UM BEFORE DEUCE BUT HE ACTUALLY ENDS UP BEING THE LAST OF THE ENTIRE MAIN CAST TO GET IT................. .. . . . .. ....... .. .. . .. ... . . . .. THERE IS SOME CRUEL, SICK IRONY HERE.

I pretty much said all my other thoughts as they cropped up along with the corresponding story beats!! But overall, I loved learning more about the characters and their shared history. Part 5 confirmed many theories, such as the Dawn Knight being related to Silver (and not his ancestor, but rather his actual dad), Silver being put under a sleeping curse that requires true love to break, how Lilia came to raise Silver, etc. It also recontexualizes lore we already knew, such as how Silver got his name, the Zigvolt family's involvement with Lilia, and how Lilia changed from his old self to his current self.

khbhasdsbkuavuofafabf I ALSO CAN'T BELIEVE LILIA X MALLEMOM IS A THING, THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST SHOCKING REVEALS THIS ENTIRE UPDATE😭 All this time we were joking about Lilia x Mrs. Spade... turns out, Lilia was into someone else's mom... HE'S JUST INTO MOMS, I'M CALLING IT NOW/j

I'm surprised that we didn't get to catch up with the Shroud brothers whatsoever this time??? Not a single peep about Ortho (who has 'woken up and is actively working to help everyone) or even Idia (who is still stuck dreaming)... I really hope the next update addresses how Ignihyde is faring, cuz I miss them and want to know how they contribute to saving the day!!

As book 7 progresses, it progressively calls the image of a spinning wheel into my mind... This is the case especially for the flashback segments we see, which shows us how the various members of Diasomnia are related to each other, and, by extension, their other family members. Lilia is raising Silver, the baby of an old foe. Malleus is visiting Lilia, who is implied to have helped hatch him after his parents died and/or went missing. Lilia asks Sebek's dad for help raising Silver. Baul asks Lilia to help mentor his grandson, Sebek. It really harkens back to the "individually, we're threads on a spinning wheel, but we come together to make something far stronger" line that Lilia dropped at the end of book 6, proving that the spinning wheel and the threads of Fate within it are an important motif for book 7 🥺

I'm fine.

This is fine.

It's not fine

[tightjeansjavi]

The Menu | Part 4

“splinters in his knuckles bangin’ on your door”

A/N: remember that meme I posted earlier about how this was supposed to just be a silly little smut fic? Yeahhh about that..🥴

~word count: 6.3k~

Pairing | dark!joel miller x f!reader

Summary: Joel goes a little berserk after he doesn’t see you for almost an entire day.

Warnings: SA (not by Joel, not described in detail) implied prostitution, abuse of power/abuse by law enforcement, (FEDRA) unhealthy trauma response, degrading language, mentions of guns, threats, injures from punching a door, mentions of blood, removing splinters, dark!joel, mean!joel, protective!joel, is shit at communicating his feelings!joel, asshole!joel, FEDRA SUCKS, no smut, denial of feelings, stalking, possession, morally gray relationship to the reader, (they’re kinda toxic but it’s complicated) hurt feelings, angst, some fluff, age gap, (Joel is in his 40’s reader is in her late 20’s) reader has no physical descriptions, +18 minors dni!

Joel Miller cracked under the pressure when almost an entire day went by without a lick of your presence. Cracking under the pressure was..a severe misjudgment. All rationale was thrown out the door; he had gone completely balls to the wall insane.

It started in the morning when you didn’t show up to your ‘job’ where you and Joel would spend grueling hours dumping deceased infected. Of course, everyone around him could give less of a shit about your absence. And why should they care? It was a dog eat dog world in the QZ. Every man for himself. To Joel? This was a real problem. A thorn in his side because, well, frankly? You might have meant more to him than just a vice to fill a void. Or a warm body to stick his dick in. Maybe he had reluctantly grown to care for you in his own Joel way.

So, when he found himself in line for his ration cards, his eyes zoned in on the FEDRA officer you fucked out of spite. The same one who did business at Joel’s table while Joel’s fingers fucked you to ruin. He had to start somewhere, right?

“Y’got a minute?” Joel asked casually as he shoved his ration cards into the pocket of his jeans.

“Shoot.” Benjamin, better known as Benji, what the fuck kinda name is that.

“Y’seen Angel around this mornin?’ She’s usually out here with me. Didn’t show up.”

“Nope.” Benji responded smoothly.

Joel’s brow raised as he studied the other man’s face intently. He was looking for any clues, any indication that maybe this Benji fellow had something to do with your bizarre absence.

“Right. Well, if ya see her, tell ‘er Joel’s lookin’ for her.” He shoved his hands deep into his jean pockets.

If Benji was good for anything, it was ratting QZ folks out. So, maybe he did know where you were. He had no viable reason to tell Joel shit. In fact, he was the main reason for your absence. Not only did he catch you out past curfew, but with a handful of contraband that could have easily gotten you a week in lockup. He showed you just a smidge of mercy simply for the fact that you offered him a blowjob just to keep your ass off the line, and only in lockup for one single day.

Joel had no business knowing that, of course.

“Well, well, well. Whad’we have here?” Benji stepped out from the shadows of the darkly lit alleyway as a FEDRA patrol vehicle drove by.

“One hour past curfew, Angel. That’s a deduction of cards, and a night in lockup.” He tsked.

Your face scrunched inwards, as if you had tasted something pungent and sour. “Benji? Fuck. C’mon, man. Just let me pass on through. It’ll be like I was never here.” You thought you were being fairly reasonable especially since he did a lot of business with Joel. You thought that maybe you could get yourself off the hook easily.

“Can’t do that, Angel.” He sighed.

“My name is not Angel. And yes, you can. Just pretend that you never saw me.”

“Oh.” He chuckled, shaking his head as he reached for his concealed handgun. “So, I guess buddy boy can call you Angel, but I can’t?”

For fuck sakes.

“Christ, is that what this is about? Who has the bigger dick? What, are you jealous or somethin?’” You egged him on as you reached for your own concealed gun before an unpleasant chill ran down your spine from the familiar clicking sound of the revolver.

“Jealous? Now, why would I be jealous, Angel? Ain’t you just a common street whore? You’ll let anyone stick their dick in ya if they pay well. Ah, but you got that Joel Miller wrapped around your pretty little finger. Everyone ‘round here knows he’s your guard dog. Where is he now, hm?” He cocked his head to the side.

“Look, Benji, you’re a good lookin’ guy and all that, but I fucked you out of spite. I’ll stroke your ego or whatever, but can I please just fuckin’ go home now?” You were exhausted from the grueling day. Your feet ached, your whole body felt like a bunch of pins and needles were stabbing it all at once. All you wanted was to go home, pour yourself a stiff glass, and have a smoke. Was it really too much to ask?

“Turn around. Hands against the wall. No sudden movements.” He ignored every word that left your mouth as if it meant nothing as if you truly were just a whore. For the first time in a long time, you felt dirty. Like something that was disposable. A toy that was no longer shiny and new, but dull and tattered. It made your blood boil.

“Benji—is that really necessary?” You tried to reason with him, but your attempts were fruitless.

“I said turn the fuck around and put your hands against the goddamn wall. Don’t make me ask you a third time, Angel. I ain’t have all night.” His jaw ticked impatiently.

“Okay. Okay. You don’t have to ask me again.” You reluctantly turned around with your hands above your head before placing your palms flat against the brick wall. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, slicing the skin open from the pressure as you tasted copper along your tongue when he yanked you back by the hips as if he owned them.

“That’s right. Because that Joel Miller sure turned you into an obedient little cockslut, didn’t he?” Benji chuckled deeply against the shell of your ear. His hot breath on your skin sent a wave of nausea crawling up your throat.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about, Benji.” You hissed through your gritted teeth as he began to forcefully pat you down. You thought about trying to escape, but decided that would have been fucking reckless to even try.

“Oh, now what do we have here?” He said rather gleefully as he pulled out a baggy of pills. The same baggy of pills that Joel gave to you the night before to deliver to a client.

“Those aren’t mine.” Well, that was dumb.

“No? Hmm. You’re not good at this whole lyin’ game, Angel. Let’s see what else we got here.” He pulled out your gun from the belt loop of your jeans along with tinfoil wrapped cigarettes; fresh ones that Joel had rolled you.

“Well, my dear, you’re lookin’ at about a week in lockup just from this alone. Unless..” he trailed off knowing exactly what you’d offer him in return.

“You’re sick, y’know that?” You scoffed under your breath. Men really did only ever think with their dicks.

“Jus’ doin’ my job, Angel. So, what’re you gonna offer me, hmm? Make it good and I’ll only throw you in there for a day. Sounds fair?”

“Right. Your job at bein’ a fuckin’ rat? I’ll give you a blowie, right here, right now. I think that seems pretty fair, don’t you?” The sooner this is over, the sooner I get to go home.

“Hm.” He pondered it for a moment, as if he really had to think hard on your offer. “Deal. But I want you to act enthusiastic this time, and take your tits out. I’m gonna paint them and your face in my come, and you’re gonna sit there and fuckin’ take it, and if you don’t?” He flipped you around swiftly, caging you against the wall as he brought the barrel of the gun right against your temple, “I’ll spray your brains out right against this fuckin’ wall.”

This wasn’t the first time you had been threatened by a man in the QZ, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but the all too real gun being pressed against your forehead was alarming, and your brain went into compliance mode in an instant. Truthfully, you didn’t want to die, and certainly not in a manner such as this.

All you could think about as you slowly sank down to your knees, and as the pavement nipped at your exposed skin, was that Joel would never do something like this to you.

“Sure, you’ll be the first to know if I’ve seen her, Miller.” He nodded.

Something about Benji, and his stupid face, sent Joel’s hackles rising. But before he could even mutter a reply, Benji was walking away towards the other FEDRA officers.

Joel shook his head while he flipped through his ration cards for the day. He was doing his best to block out all the possible scenarios of your disappearance, but he failed miserably when he realized there was a high possibility that you were either dead, or infected. It happened more often than people would think.

The real start of his manhunt began after he confided in Tess in the utmost Joel fashion. He found himself pacing the length of his apartment while all she could do was watch from the entryway in the kitchen. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she leaned back against the countertop. Her eyes trailed after his frantic movements.

“Look, before you go thinkin’ about doin’ somethin’ reckless, did you ever stop to think that maybe she’s just in her apartment? She could have slept in—”

He cut her off sharply with a quick shake of his head. “Sleepin’ in? Really, is that all Y’got for me, Tess? I knew she should have just fuckin’ spent the night. She’s so goddamn stubborn. I would have even slept on the couch and she could have taken the bed if it was such a big deal. She’s so hot’n cold!” He growled frustratingly. His hands moved upwards towards his head as his fingers tangled through his hair, yanking at the roots till he was feeling a splice of pain. “Or, better yet, I should have just walked her home myself!”

“Texas, you’re actin’ fuckin’ insane right now! Pacin’ the goddamn apartment like a dog. Ripping your hair out?!” Just calm the fuck down for a second. Take some deep breaths, have a smoke or somethin’ and then let’s both think rationally.” She tried to reason with him. All this got her in return was a narrowed glare, a scoff and an eye roll.

“She could be fuckin’ dead, Tess! What if somethin’ happened between her leavin’ here last night and walkin’ back to her place?”

“I highly doubt she’s dead. And if she was, we would have heard about it by now, Joel. Do you want me to help you look for her? Cause I can start askin’ around.” She pushed herself off the side of the counter just as his pacing came to a complete standstill.

“Sure, yeah. Go ahead and ask around. But, before you do that, I need ya to tell me where Angel lives. I’m aware that you know, and that she doesn’t want me to know, but you’re gonna tell me either way.” He stated as a matter of factly.

“Joel, she doesn’t want you knowing where she lives for obvious reasons. How about you stay here, and I’ll go to her apartment. Like I said, I’m sure she’s just fine.”

“Yeah? Well, those reasons are irrelevant as of right now. So, quit your little girl code you got goin’ on with her or whatever, and tell me where the fuck her apartment is.”

Tess didn’t even bother to argue. She knew Joel long enough to know that he wasn’t going to stop until he found that you were safe. Otherwise, the unknown and the ‘what ifs’ would eat him alive, literally.

“You’re fuckin’ relentless, Texas. Y’know that?” She pulled out her own personal map of the QZ before laying it out on the worn down kitchen table. She pointed to your exact apartment building. “She’s on the third floor at the very end of the hall.”

“Yep. You damn right I am, Tess. You know me too well.” He merely glanced down at the spot on the map where Tess was pointing at before he snatched up the parchment, folding it neatly and tucked it into his back pocket.

“I’ll be needing that back, Texas.” Tess reminded him.

“And I’ll be bringin’ it right back as soon as I find her.” Joel responded smoothly, dripping in confidence to mask his true nature. Just like those women he used to sleep with, he could put up a facade with just a snap of his fingers.

“Yeah, well, you’re losin’ daylight. Better go find that Angel of yours.”

“Better me than anyone else.” Joel added with a curt nod. He left the apartment in a rush, skipping a few steps down the stairs. He never handled change of any kind all that well. Especially when you had become a constant in his life while living in this shit hole place. If something had happened to you, Joel would force himself to take all the blame. He felt responsible for you in some capacity.

“Swear to god when I find this girl..” he muttered to himself, shaking his head while slipping past the front door of the apartment building. Evening was steadfast on the horizon; he needed to move fast.

Was it something I said last night?

Was it because I asked her to stay?

Was it the goddamn strap on??

Is she avoiding me on purpose?

Is she dead?

Did she fuckin’ get infected?

Did..she find someone else?

These thoughts and more were swirling through his frantic brain. He fucking hated the fear of the unknown. Absolutely despised the whole entire notion of its existence. He’d much prefer when things were yanked off like a bandaid. Quick and mostly painless.

He triple checked Tess’s map the entire trek to your apartment building. He had no time to fuck this up, and to the passerby he probably looked like a crazed man; which would be an accurate statement given the circumstances.

Your apartment building was nearly an exact replica of his own. Same shitty staircase, peeling wallpaper, the occasional cry of an infant, or scream of a child. Just the day-to-day sounds of the QZ that we’re all white noise to Joel.

When he found himself standing outside your door, he scoffed at the faded “Welcome :)” mat outside of your door beneath his boots. The smiley face had nearly rubbed off entirely, and he wondered if the mat had been there by your doing, or the previous inhabitants.

Focus, Joel.

He pressed the side of his head against the outside of the door, falling silent as he listened with his good ear for any movements on the other side.

Nothing.

“Angel? Y’in there, doll?” He asked through the thin wood.

Silence.

“Look, I’m sorry if I said somethin’ to upset you last night, but I haven’t seen you all fuckin’ day, and I’m real worried that somethin’ bad happened to ya. So, if you’re in there, can you please say something?”

Nothing.

“Okay. Okay, so maybe I do deserve the silent treatment after I made you hold my cock in your mouth like a cum bucket whore, but it was uh—out of affection? And if you’re upset that I asked ya to stay the night, then I’m sorry. It was just late and I wanted to—”

This is fucking stupid.

“Can you fuckin’ answer me, please? Just fuckin’ say something!” He growled, throwing his fists against the door once for good measure. “I’m about five seconds away from lookin’ like a complete and utter psychopath if you don’t open this goddamn door!” His frustration was on the cusp of boiling over, like a kettle on the stove.

“Okay, so we’re gonna play the silent game, huh?! I swear to god, Angel. If you’re behind this goddamn door and you’re ignoring me on purpose?! Good god, girl. You got another thing comin’ for ya!” He laughed, one of those unfriendly, chills down the spine, oh shit! I’m fucked kinda laughs.

Joel Miller had completely lost all remaining shreds of rationale.

“I’m gonna give you to the count of five to open this fuckin’ door, y’hear me?!” He snarled threateningly.

“Five.”

“Four.”

“Three.”

He didn’t even get to two before his fists absolutely began to rain down on your doorframe. The cord had snapped and he was fully spiraling without giving a damn of who could see or hear him.

With adrenaline, rage, and fear pumping through his veins, he couldn’t even feel the skin along his knuckles being absolutely torn to shreds from how hard he was laying his fists into the wood.

It's like he had completely blacked out and all he could see was red. Red. Red. Red. Red.

Benji was ‘generous’ enough to let you out of being in lockup early and sent you right back out onto the streets. Ridden with exhaustion, you practically dragged yourself back to your apartment with only the thought of a stiff drink and your bed bringing you some form of motivation to keep going.

Your keys jingled in your grasp while you trudged up the stairs. You were oh so close to just plopping down in the hallway, but your apartment was only just down the hall. You could make it.

You passed by one of your neighbors on your way. And when you went to wave, they completely avoided making eye contact with you at all costs. Somehow you just knew that Joel was involved in this behavior, but how the hell did he know where you lived?

Then, you heard the sounds of banshee yelling intensifying the closer you drew to your door.

Jesus fucking Christ. Can’t a girl catch a break?

When you turned the corner, you were met with a grizzly bear of a man. Joel Miller had nearly beaten your door in with just his bare fists. You weren’t even all that shocked to see him outside of your apartment, but, nonetheless, you were pissed.

You leaned against the corner of the hallway, arms crossed against your chest and a displeased, yet mildly amused look plastered on your face.

“Joel?”

He whipped around in an instant at the familiar sound of your voice. His eyes were wide, nostrils flared, blood dripping down between the ridges of his knuckles, staining the already faded carpet crimson beneath his boots.

He looked crazy.

“Where in the fuck have you been? Do you know how fuckin’ worried I’ve been all goddamn day?! Huh, sweet girl? Do you have any idea—”

“You’re bleeding, sweet boy.” You mumble softly. You had hoped that you could advert his attention, but he was already stalking towards you, something indescribable flashes in his eyes when you call him, ‘sweet boy.’

“Yeah, baby.” He huffs out a raspy laugh. “I’ve got splinters in my knuckles bangin’ on your door. Tore ‘em all up.”

He’s so close now that you can taste his breath and see that flicker of fear in his eyes. His hands encaged around your face. Soft, wet from the blood, but gentle.

Droplets of blood trail down your neck and down the clavicle between your covered breasts. You shouldn’t be turned on—but that cunt of yours has a mind of her own, sometimes.

“Joel, you didn’t have to show up here like a crazy man and nearly go and break down my door.”

He glares, bloodstained thumb swiping across your lower lip. “Don’t tell me what I did and didn’t have to do, Angel. Haven’t seen you all day. Thought you were fuckin’ dead or somethin.’”

“Yeah, well, I’m not dead. I’m right here. Why the hell did you even care in the first place, huh? Can’t even go one day without losing your cool?” It’s your turn to challenge him now. You place your palms flat on his chest, giving him a firm shove.

He glared, eyes narrowing into slits. His head cocked to the side in a condescending manner. His jaw clenched and unclenched. He dropped his hands from your face only to then encage your wrists above your head. He used his sheer mass to press your back directly against the hallway wall. He loomed over you to appear more menacing, like a predator going in for the kill. “Who said anythin’ about me caring, huh? Is that why you think I’m here, Angel? Cus’ I care?” He questioned, pushing you further into the wall. His chest was pressed right against yours, leaving you no room to escape, let alone breathe.

“Why would I give a damn where my whore on stilts wandered off to? Y’think you mean anythin’ to me other than a hole to fuck? Don’t be so naive.” He scoffed.

“You have got to be the worst fuckin’ liar, Joel. Right. You don’t care. You just happened to track down where I live, proceeded to bust down my door, just because I’m a hole for you to fuck? Right. Keep on telling yourself that, buddy boy. Keep livin’ in your delusions. See how far that gets ya.” You held in your laugh from slipping past. Could he not see that you were exhausted? You had been beaten down enough as it was, you didn’t need Joel fucking Miller pushing you down further.

“That’s it? That’s all y’can say to me? No bite back? No fuck you Joel? What the hell happened to you, huh?” He pressed further, tightening his hold around your wrists. “What happened after you left my place last night, Angel?” His tone was much softer now, gentle, laced with concern.

You couldn’t keep up with his mood swings if you tried. Joel Miller was one hot and cold man.

“No. We are not about to do this again. Not when in one breath you’re a complete asshole, and the next?!” You laughed bitterly. “Joel, I’m fuckin’ exhausted, okay? I had a shit night, and I just want to go and have a stiff drink. If you want to join, then be my guest, but I won’t take another minute of your bitching. Y’got that?”

Joel found himself studying your face. He thought that maybe he could read between the lines and figure out exactly why you were so exhausted, but you weren’t budging, not even for him. What was that bit about him fucking hating the fear of the unknown? Oh, yeah.

“Angel, look..I’m—”

“Oh, fuck no. You are not about to apologize for that. No. You meant every word, Joel. You don’t get to take that back.” You shook your head in disappointment, breaking your wrists free from his gradually loosening grip before you pulled away entirely.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

You didn’t even wait to see if he would follow you, you could care less if he did, or didn’t. With your keys in hand you unlocked your door, muttering about how it probably wouldn’t lock properly anymore from the damage Joel inflicted on it.

Joel’s fingers twitched at his side. He was silently debating his options. It was pointly obvious that something had happened to you, but he had no right to pry. His footsteps followed yours like a shadow.

“You should probably get your knuckles patched up.” You muttered under your breath while carelessly tossing your keys onto the kitchen counter.

“They’ll be alright. Nothin’ I can’t handle.” He replied smoothly and shoved his hands into the deep caverns of the pockets on the front of his worn jeans.

“I have a first aid kit in the bathroom.” You stated plainly. Your back was facing him behind the counter while you grabbed your stashed bottle of whiskey, and two glasses.

He was observing you with a careful eye when you turned around to face him. “Are you offering to patch up my self-inflicted wounds, baby?” He asked in a crackling rasp, like logs on a fire.

“Sure. If that’s how you want to phrase it.” You shrugged before popping the cap off the bottle with your teeth. You poured a generous splash of the amber colored liquor into both glasses. You opted to take a quick swig from the bottle, needing that little bit of relief to kick in sooner, rather than later.

“Why?” He questioned. He reached for the glass, guiding it towards him before he snatched it up in his hand. He took a hefty sip, letting the warmth from the liquor spread through his system like a warm hug.

“Are you really that fuckin’ stupid, Joel?” You wanted to laugh, but it came out more like a strained scoff if anything.

“‘Fraid so, my Angel.” He smirked over the rim of the cloudy glass.

“Guess the apocalypse shrunk men’s already pea sized brains even more.” You muttered with a shake of your head before downing the liquor from your glass in one swift gulp. Your hand wrapped around his thick wrist, and before he could protest, you were dragging him to your bathroom.

“Sit” you commanded with a gesture to the closed toilet seat.

“Look, you really don’t have to do all this, it’s justa—”

You interjected swiftly, giving him a stern glare before grabbing the first aid kit from behind the cabinet door that was barely holding on by the hinges. “Okay, so then leave, Joel.”

His brows furrowed at your response, and his lips pursed tightly. He ultimately decided to plop down on the toilet seat with a huff. “Are you going to tell me where the hell you’ve been all day? Or are you just gonna keep avoidin’ my question?”

“If you’re good, then I’ll tell you. Cause frankly, right now? I’m sick of your shit, Joel. But somehow, some way, my cold cold heart has a shred of kindness left for you.”

He scoffed, resting his head back against the peeling wallpaper. “You’re sick of my shit?”

“Yes. Because you’re a fuckin’ asshole, Joel. How many times am I going to repeat myself? Normal people don’t stalk someone, attempt to break down their door, and then demand to know where they’ve been all day!”

“Oh boy, we’re still on that topic?” He placed his bloodstained hands on his knees and shook his head before he sat back. “So, what would you rather me have done, hmm? Sweetheart, I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he gestured with his hands, “it wasn’t like I could fuckin’ call you up! Do you see a phone in sight anywhere? No? Wow, I wonder why! It’s almost like we’re in a fuckin’ apocalypse!” He said with sarcasm dripping with every breath.

And then you threw Joel Miller for a loop when you whipped out a fucking spray bottle and sprayed his snarky ass right in the face!

It didn’t even matter where the hell you found the damn spray bottle in the first place, it was the fact that you had the balls to spray him in the face, not once, but twice when he went to open his mouth. You swore you could see the steam rising from the water droplets on his skin. Like he was an animated bull from those old animated movies. Nostrils flaring red hot flames, smoke billowing from his ears. The tea kettle had reached its boiling point.

On the opposite end of the spray bottle, you saw that very bull with steam spewing. He was flabbergasted, bewildered at your rash decision. “Did you just fuckin’ spray me like I’m a goddamn cat or somethin?!’” His voice boomed like an overhead crack of thunder unleashing its rage in a crescendo.

“I did.”

“And why the hell did you think that you could jus—go’n spray me in the face like that?!”

“You say an awful lot of stupid and hurtful shit to me, Joel Miller. You hurt my feelings, pissed me off, and I’ve just about had it. So, everytime you open that big fuckin’ mouth of yours and say somethin’ mean and stupid, I’m gonna spray you in the face with this.” You waved the spray bottle around for a moment to get your point across.

Displeased, drenched like a damn cat, Joel sent daggers your way with one harsh glare. “Oh, I didn’t realize we were throwin’ a fuckin’ pity party ontop of all of this.” He scoffed.

“Did you not—” you laughed incredulously, “hear a goddamn word I just said? Fine. Well, let me remind you what happens when you’re fuckin’ stupid!” You sprayed him again.

This time he shut up..for now.

“Refreshing.” He mumbled very much like a dog with its tail between its legs.

You set the spray bottle down along the edge of the counter where it was in arm's reach, before you sank down between his spread knees with the first aid kit tucked under your armpit. “Let me see just what kinda damage you’ve done to your beautiful hands, Joel.” Your voice was much softer now compared to moments earlier. At least now you had him tamed and compliant.

“I didn’t break ‘em. Although, if you hadn’t shown up, I probably would have. And they ain’t beautiful, Angel. They’re ugly.” He gruffed out.

“They’re beautiful to me, Joel.” You reached for his hands once they were presented in front of you. The blood had already begun to congeal and dry in some places. “Yeah, you definitely have some splinters in there that are gonna have to come out.”

“Fuck no. Just leave ‘em.” He shook his head.

For the first time in over 24 hours, you smiled. It was really just a slight tug of your lips, but it was there. “Are you afraid of tweezers or somethin?’” You mused.

He scowled at your question and picked a spot on the wall to stare at so he didn’t have to make eye contact. “No.” He grumbled, jaw ticking under the dangling bathroom light.

“You sure about that?” You asked while placing the first aid kit alongside you on the floor. You popped it open, rifling through the different aids before pulling out disinfectant spray and tweezers.

“Crystal.” He confirmed.

“Ookay.” You did your best to hide your little grin while you held the disinfectant spray a few inches above his hands. “This might sting a little.” You softly warned him.

He barely flinched when he felt the sudden coolness from the spray adhering to his open wounds. His nose did twitch the slightest when the stinging sensation settled in.

“You’re being an excellent patient for me, Mr. Miller. Maybe if you’re a good boy for the next part, I’ll reward you with a lollipop.”

He finally looked at you, tearing his gaze from the wallpaper to meet your eyes. His lips curved upwards into a small smirk. “Sounds wonderful, Doctor. Do you promise to be gentle?” He played along.

“Always, Joel.” You replied.

His eyes stayed locked on your own for what felt like hours, neither of you quite ready to break the contact just yet. He cleared his throat, shifting along the closed toilet seat. “Uh, will..you hold my hand? I lied about the tweezer thing. Splinters hurt like a bitch, and uh—yeah.” He muttered under his breath while the heat began to rise rapidly to his cheeks. Even the tips of his ears turned beet red.

“If it’ll make you feel more comfortable, Joel.” You nodded reassuringly. Your left hand reached for his own when he had pulled back slightly in a jerking movement. You could sense his palpable hesitation radiating off of him before he finally relaxed.

“This is stupid.” He said suddenly, feeling more bashful as the seconds ticked by.

“It’s not stupid at all, Joel. Splinters are no fun at all.”

I mean, This. Me and you. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t be blushing like a schoolgirl right now. And over what? Holding hands? He thought to himself.

He’s kinda sweet..in his own Joel way. You thought silently to yourself.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

“Get on with it, please.” He nearly whispered when his left hand finally reached towards your own. He was the one to thread his fingers through yours and let your entwined hands rest along his left thigh comfortably.

It took all of twenty minutes for you to successfully remove every splinter from his hands. Some fragmented pieces of wood were a bit deeper than others. He was a real champ, and you surprised him with a kiss. A soft reward that he felt he was undeserving of.

“I think you should let them breathe a bit longer and then we’ll bandage up.” You said while moving to stand back up. Your left hand was still engulfed in his own when he stopped you from standing up.

“Aren’t you gonna kiss them all better, doctor?” He asked with a tilt of his head. He looked like a puppy with his tousled, wild hair, and big brown eyes staring at you.

You found your lips kissing his broken skin before you even had a chance to respond. A kiss was pressed to each knuckle in an affectionate manner.

He broke the silence when your hand departed from his and you busied yourself with putting away the first aid kit.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to you out there, or are we gonna keep dancin’ around the subject?” He asked rather softly. Almost as if he was concerned.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Joel.”

Please don’t ask me again.

“Angel..”

“Let’s go finish our drinks.” You interjected with a hidden fake smile.

His eyes follow your silhouette when you swiftly remove yourself from the small bathroom. He shakes his head with a sigh before he finally stands up. He eyes the spray bottle still resting along the bathroom counter, and in an extremely cat-like fashion, he swiftly knocks it over into the trash bin below.

Good riddance.

When Joel left your bathroom, he soon found you with your feet tucked under your thighs on the far end of the couch. You appeared to be staring off into space while you nursed your glass of whiskey in silence. He really wasn’t quite sure what to think of your behavior, let alone how he should approach you.

Nonetheless he grabbed his own glass and joined you on the couch. Your eyes stayed focused on the wall even when you felt the old cushions dip down from Joel’s weight pressing down on them gradually.

He swirled the contents around in his glass absentmindedly before he took a small sip. You could feel his eyes along the side of your head when he moved the glass to rest between his knees.

“I really wish you would jus’..talk to me, sweetheart.” He rasped softly while he twiddled with his fingers that weren’t wrapped around the glass. He was never really good at having these types of conversations, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try one last time.

You shifted uncomfortably from his words. You didn’t want to tell him what happened to you in that disgusting alley. Or the way that Benji’s touch made you feel nauseous. You didn’t want to tell Joel that you were made to feel like literal human trash. Pond scum, gum beneath men’s shoes. You didn’t want to confess that you spent a night in lockup, crying against the cold concrete till your body could no longer produce tears while Benji, and a few of his FEDRA friends proceeded to violate you further, stripping you of your autonomy and dignity with grime stained fingernails, and cruel laughter. Nothin’ but a common street whore, that one. Make her gag on it. I wanna see tears streaming down those pretty fuckin’ cheeks, boys. Miller ain’t here to save you now, Angel. You belong to us.

You didn’t want Joel to believe that you were this broken, damaged person. You didn’t want him to take pity on you. That was quite literally the last thing you wanted from him. But, you were only human, after all, and pain had a sneaky way of revealing itself even when you had done everything possible to cloak it.

He watched as you drained the contents of your glass wordlessly before you slipped down from the couch, falling to your knees between his thighs.

She loves it, don’t be fooled boys. She loves to be fucked like a dirty little whore. Ain’t that right, Angel? Joel Miller got her all obedient, just for us. She’ll do anythin’ you ask of her.

“Angel.” He started, words lodging in his throat. Something about this felt wrong.

You ignored him, reaching for his belt with trembling fingers as you worked it open.

Cus’ a whore is all you’ll ever be, sweetheart. The best pussy in all of the fuckin’ QZ. Bet he’ll smell me all over ya, Angel. I hope he does. I hope that guard dog can fuckin’ taste my come inside of ya next time he takes you.

Joel finds himself frozen in time when he sees the way your fingers tremble. He’s stunned and unsure what he should do in this situation. He’s never seen you like this before. He’s used to your brashness. Your confidence. Your swift, snarky, sarcastic remarks. The woman on her knees between his thighs is not you. He knows then that he has to stop this. He has to say something.

“Angel, baby. I don’t think we—” he struggles to find the right words to say. To be delicate, but firm. This had nothing to do with his own feelings, and had everything to do with yours. “This doesn’t feel right, sweetheart.”

Your heart sinks to the pits. He knows. He fucking knows. He knows, and thinks you to be worthless, just like the rest of them.

You sink back along your thighs, tears pooling in your eyes. “You don’t..want me anymore, Joel?” You ask above a whisper, holding on by a mangled thread.

He shakes his head slowly, his heart breaking in the process.

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[fandomfluffandfuck]

A manswear blogger in twitter is talking about seat and bust adjustments in clothing. I can't stop but think about a stucky tailor shop au where Steve goes to get his trousers and jackets adjusted and getting all flustered. I mean Buck doesn't need even be the tailor. He can be a shop sitting friendly neighbour or smtn

spiritually, this ask feels connected to this gorgeous piece of fanart

and while we're here, on the topic, this art too 👀

Oh my god

Oh. my. god.

I can see this so well in my mind, and goddamn, this is such a good idea, too! We've all seen Steve Rogers--and Chris Evans by proxy--and we all fucking know he needs clothes to be custom fitted, so, of course, Bucky would have to step in. It's only fitting.

Every universe, they find each other and take care.

Why wouldn't tailor Bucky make sure Captain America Steve is well-fitted, thus, well taken care of?

I imagine that the whole situation would spring out of the teasing relationship that exists between Natasha and Steve. The first person to ask Steve if he knows how to dress himself is Nat--she asks if he wants some tips to blend in to the background, as she's become so adept to, yet allowing him to choose his own clothes rather than being chosen for him. She cracks a smile when suggesting he stay out of the sizes he used to wear or don't, that's pretty fitting for the modern century, too. Natasha will readily workout with Steve; the contrast in their focus while fighting makes it actually challenging, besides, it's refreshing, too, to have someone look at her and not underestimate her based on her size. It's during those workouts where Natasha suggests, teasing while blowing a sweaty tendril of hair out of her face noisily, multi-tasking as always, that they get matching sports bras. Before he's used to the comments, Steve sputters, but eventually, he laughs them off--he's still working on controlling his blush, though.

He doesn't... it's not, they're not... no.

He doesn't need a bra. It's not like it's uncomfortable. Natasha asks if he's sure it's not uncomfortable once, still grinning like a shark, pleased with their dynamic--her teasing and his batting back once he has his feet underneath himself--because she knows how tight clothes get. Then, Nat tugs at the collar of his clinging shirt, "I don't dress in clothes that tight unless it's for a special occasion."

"Oh, special?" Steve raises an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," she responds, her mouth twisted, "like when I'm bagging targets."

"Lucky them," he huffs out a laugh.

She's already distracted by the opening their conversation has given her, still sparring, "mmm-hmm."

Commets and jests aside, Steve doesn't stop dressing himself in such tight clothes. Maybe Natasha's clothes or women's clothes generally are built differently, but Steve doesn't find it uncomfortable. Not within himself. Sometimes, he gets stares that drag on too long, sending a weird feeling through his tummy, maybe more than discomfort, but he rationalizes that it's sooner the onlookers recognition of Captain America walking the streets and less barely-restrained-attraction.

Still.

Steve's wordrobe full of tight clothes doesn't change, everything off-the-rack *tries very hard not to make a joke about Steve's rack* until Natasha corners him after another gala, doing her version of begging to just get some clothes that fucking fit.

Basically, she stares him down until he folds like a house of cards. Rolling his eyes but snatching the business card, she's pointing at him like a gun out of her hands and promising he'll make an appointment for himself.

If he doesn't appoint himself, Natasha will, and she'll go with him, and she will list off each and every painful detail in plain clarity to the tailor with Steve there, in the room, standing on that little pedestal under lights and in front of full mirrors, to blush up a storm...

The strain of his shirts across his shoulders, thinning the fabric to near transparency. The screaming of the seams of his underarms, suffering from his biceps. His boob gaps with those little diamonds of pale skin or undershirt showing through that just don't go away, he can't escape them, his chest is just too big. The atrocious extra, wrinkling, loose fabric of his shirts where they bunch up around his ballerina waist, never concealed no matter how desperately he tries to stuff the extra fabric into his jeans, belted tightly. His belts! He can't ever seem to find belts that don't have all this extra length to them, his waist with just the opposite problems to his shoulders, chest, and arms. The line of his lower body always seems to be a little cut off, his pants understandably too short when facing up to those mile long legs. His ass doesn't fit in his too short pants, nor do his thighs! That has to change.

He needs some change.

He looks fucking great, he does, Natasha is not challenged by other people's interest in Steve when matchmaking, she is challenged by Steve's interest in others and she... she would just like to see some confidence in her friend. The easiest, fastest way to feeling like a whole new human, she knows, is fashion.

So...

A tailor.

Steve is going to see a tailor.

One highly recommended and researched by Natasha. Apparently, according to his website (which Steve gets from his card), this tailor normally works with women and women's garments but isn't above making exceptions.

Steve doesn't want to be a bother, but... Nat assures him that he'll be fine. He's curvy enough, more than. This is all out of the goodness of her heart, after all. She just can't stand to see the pain his clothes are in! And if he won't be set up with a nice girl, boy, or whoever for an off-the-books encounter, then she damn will set him up with a professional. Not that kind. Not yet? Who's to say what she'll get Steve into...

Despite how having Natasha with him would help ease his anxieties (and hurt, just mildly hurt, because he would like to retain some of his dignity if possible, thank you very much, Nat, if she were here, he would stick his tongue out at her), Steve makes his appointment and attends it alone.

Alone with this fucking tailor.

This tailor that looks like he might as well have been made by a fucking sculptor. He makes art through fashion but, Jesus Christ, he is also art. When Steve first meets him--led to the back of a warm, pleasantly-cramped storefront by a welcoming, peppy assistent--he is struck dumb by the tailors beauty. He fumbles his words when reaching for a handshake. As it turns out, he doesn't need Natasha here to embarrass himself. Great!

This guy.

His face.

Pale gold skin with bone structure that will actually haunt Steve until he etches it onto paper. Eyes the most entrancing color--blue, grey, nearly silver. Lips pink and soft-looking, shadowed by a beard trimmed down to the prettiest stubble. The bridge of his nose looks like a statue smoothed by one of the ancient masters. And shiny, wavy hair styled into something that's half collected behind his head in a knot and half falling effortlessly over his shoulders. He looks every bit put together, his hair done, his face shimmering with what might be subtle makeup, but if it's not, then he's just the worst kind of perfect human being, his clothes immaculate, fitted ideally, accessorized beautifuly, and--

The way he talks. He's so confident and in his element, but so nice too. Sweet and caring.

The way he looks at Steve, like he's a person, like he's interesting, listening, but also calculating, already planning what he can do for him, how he can flatter him, how, how, how--

That's the fucking question.

How is this guy real?

He wants to hear what Steve has come in for, but based on how he nods along, he doesn't need Steve to say any of it. He already knows. He's that damn good.

After Steve's done, his unsure words stalling out in a stutter, Bucky jumps in immediately, rattling off tailor jargon for what he can do for him. Bust adjustments for the gaps in his buttoned shirts. Underarm adjustments to help his arms fit better in his shirts. Other seam stretching when it can be done to try and fit his arms more, too. Seat adjustments for all his pants from casual jeans to formal slacks. Waist suppression on all his shirts, suit jackets, and maybe even a few of his less formal jackets. Letting out hems on the pants that can be saved. Forming new, custom patterns for all of the above where the existing clothes Steve already has just can't be altered to the extent they're looking for.

And...

After they get to know each other, after Steve comes back again and again, bringing armfuls of clothes with him each time, plus slowly taking more clothes from Bucky's place of work, too, new custom clothes that fit impressively perfectly, Bucky notices something else that should be altered in Steve's wardrobe.

Steve becomes Bucky's most regular client. It seems like they don't go a week, at most, without seeing each other. So, it's natural that Bucky would begin to notice things about Steve. Habits. Bucky is a damn good tailor, and he's learned to pick up on body language to know when a client is having issues that they might not even be aware of. Steve has a habit of--when he thinks no one is looking as he sits waiting for Bucky to be ready for him--of adjusting himself. Sure, whatever, your dick and balls get bunched up in your underwear and pants sometimes. It's normal. It happens. And you gotta do what you gotta do when your dick isn't happy. Normally, Bucky wouldn't think twice about it. But...

Steve does it a lot.

Now, Bucky has a very good spatial memory. A memory that's aided by plenty of opportunities to be close to Steve's body with a fair number of those opportunities being at Steve's feet. Measuring the inseams of his pants, shorts, or what have you, hemming or unhemming his pants, finding the circumference of his muscular thighs, adjusting the fit of the seat of his pants, all very professional. Steve likes to talk, though, so a lot of the time Bucky is down there, and he's looking up at Steve and...

He's just a man.

Just a weak man with the most attractive man he's ever fucking seen in his whole life on his step riser, calling his eyes up, past the crotch of his pants... sometimes he looks. He tries not to. But. He has. He does.

And when he connects how often he catches Steve adjusting himself to how much time he's spent forming a spacial awareness of Steve's body, Bucky knows what adjustment needs to be made to his clothes that they have yet to tackle. Steve, sweet guy, must be too shy to bring it forward. It's perhaps similar to saying, hey, none of my pants fit because my ass is superhuman-ly pert and round and you could bounce quarters off of it, but at the same time, it is much more... intimate... to say, hey, my dick doesn't fit in my pants, either. Could we do something about that, maybe?

Bucky shivers, trying not to think about why and failing miserably... is it too long? Too thick? Both? God, his balls probably don't help, do they? Bucky might be weak at the knees, thinking of his whole package, but especially heavy, heavy balls, fuck, what he wouldn't give to get on his knees and rub his face against them, all that musky vitality, such a big boy, and--

Bucky is so unprofessional.

Jesus Christ.

What is wrong with him?

Steve just needs a gusset! He's done that a million times without fantasizing about his clients' bodies. It's just different now. Why now?! Bucky knows why...

Ughhh.

It's fucking different because Steve is so nice, so shy yet, so witty and sassy when he wants to be, he smells so good, and his hands are delightfully warm when Bucky accidentally missteps and almost falls, but no matter, Steve's lightning fast reflexes will always be there to catch him. It's different because Bucky has a big, fat crush on the one, the only Captain America back from the dead, who's bursting out of all his clothes with his stupid, perfect sculpted body, always obscene no matter what Bucky puts him in, loose or tight clothing. Always genuine, no matter what Bucky throws at him, even if he does get a little embarrassed.

Guh.

Bucky is so fucked.

Steve is so fucked, too, matching Bucky's idioticness. Steve's head is so full of Bucky that he can't think of anything else. Anyone else. He scrounges up every piece of stupid clothing he has to be altered, just as an excuse to be around Bucky. He sweats through his shirts, peering down at Bucky from his place on that little step-stool, riser-thing, whatever fancy name Bucky had for it, and tries not to think about the position out of context. And, worst of all, he has to fight for his life to block out the sense memory of Bucky's hands on his body through his clothes when he's alone and drifting. He can't think about his tailor when he's jerking off, he just can't! That's so bad!

Steve is so fucked.

...if only they could figure out some other way of being fucked. Together.

[newrhys]

im insane and a nigel defender for life so heres my theory/take on like minds

i truely think that its likely Alex was the manipulator and nigel was the victim (to a degree).

this is kinda all over the place and just my thoughts so take everything with a grain of salt im just bored

we all agree that Alex is an unreliable narrator, and when it comes to the interrogation, it would but likely that Alex changed the story for a “solid” alibi to seem at least not guilty, which is very common behavior for people, especially younger people who have committed a crime to do.

most of my reasoning for this comes from the fact that he makes sure to include the detail that *somehow* nigel got into his room in the middle of night (assumably) and put a bloody knife and playing card on his desk.

it could be very likely that he had this whole alibi, that he "missed" his date with susan was entirely made up, that he made it seem like nigel was the one who planted the knife for "for fingerprint insurance” making nigel seem like this criminal mastermind to a degree.

that and also the hand that nigel “gifted him” could have also been a cover up for (maybe) that alex could have very likely been the reason why his friend let go of the train, by messing with his hand. idk on this one tho for sure honestly, though i feel like nigel care a lot about anatomy and dissection that it would be out of character for him to sever a hand.

AND that when alex was asked “how he was sure it was his friends” he said that it wouldnt make sense otherwise (or something along those lines) which honestly is kinda strange bc i would rather rationalize that its not my dead friends hand and just some fucked up prank but maybe thats just me.

you can look into real interrogations and its not unusual for people to make up these crazy complex and wild stories to victimize themselves to seem innocent, even when the story is strange or off putting or has holes.

especially because this is a time when the attention is all on them and what better way to ganer sympathy and attention that alex could have possibly lacked in his childhood then now in the interrogation. with someone who alex could have possibly seen as some sort of mother figure, because she listened to him, and embraced him when alex talked about nigel.

“well susans body was “disected” it had to be nigel” it could have also been alex copying in the way of something that nigel would have done to again, make the evidence point at nigel.

now, this theory is a bit spotty and honestly its not great I KNOW its just my thoughts ive had that ive wanted to share, because honestly i dont have a great reason for why nigel would have invited alex over to his house if not for nigel being a little shit, but who knows, that could have also been made up, and alex really was planning on killing nigel, and just happened to show up at that time

but that being said, im also not saying nigel has never killed anyone, i am just saying alex’s series of events is a bit weird, i do think nigel has some issues, but those probably due to the obvious abuse he as suffered as a kid, and his weird interest could be a symptom of that and his curious for dead things, i wouldnt be surprised if he had witnessed death early as a child seems how it was mentioned in the show that it can result in mental illness.

which kinda leads me to my next point, at the end, when alex totally doesnt kill nigel, and nigel kills himself, alex has a sort of smile at the end, that either he was happy nigel died or that he, really *did* kill nigel and he “enjoyed” it.

to add onto this, alex never really cried when he talked about his friends dying, he cried when he talked about how it made *him* feel and how when nigel had wanted him to get “freaky” per say with susan, he was crying in the interigation because it upset *him* and it was something bad that happened to *him*. im not a professional at all and i only know a little bit about mental illnesses but in certain personaility disorders,, its not uncommon for people to have intense feelings when it comes to something that effects themselves, and apathy towards other people.

and at the very end of the show, it shows that alex clearly has a pattern of this behavior, of manipulating people in certain ways. that its not something unusual for him to do, when he asks the teacher if it’s possible to get into someones head, its likely because hes the one who, atleast thinks, he has control of nigel.

anyways thats kinda just my collection of thoughts ive had about this movie for a long time so i thought id throw them out here, do with this as you wish. dont be too mean tho i am dyslexic and not the smartest lmfao. i just like yapping. obviously i dont know everything and i likely got information wrong which like whatever.

anyways im sick and bored and wanted to yap so maybe someone actually read this

[lalune9x]

SCTIR Translation - Chapter 464: I'm a Fan! (4)

[NOVEL SPOILERS] Story context: Han Gyeol is the name of the pink fairy dragon previously called 'Changeling' that Han Yoojin, uh, gave birth to. Yoojin named him in an earlier chapter after getting input from the other dad slash magical essence donor(?).

"Also, you barely know her. I’m not against you dating outright." "Ajussi, that’s one hundred percent a lie,” Yerim cut in.

Chapter translation under the cut.

---

“I’m telling you, I’ll get rejected,” I said. I was organizing the details of the monsters I had cared for on my laptop.

Han Gyeol, who was sitting beside the laptop and glaring at Sung Hyunje, grumbled, ‘Why would Dad get rejected?’ Then he said more loudly:

— If Dad likes someone, then I’ll like them too.

“That’s sweet of you, Gyeol-ah. But you know, Dad actually sort of likes Sung Hyunje, too.”

— Except for that one. Except the ones dangerous to Dad.

It seemed like Han Gyeol had developed a particular dislike for Sung Hyunje after I’d been threatened by him a few times. There was that time during the dungeon break, and when he’d tried to mess with me on the cruise.

“So, is this going to be your office, Director Han?” Moon Hyuna asked, looking around the room. We were in one of the empty rooms on the first floor of the rearing facility.

“They told me I needed a director’s office. Up until now, I’ve just been working from home, but now that I have employees, I figured it’s time to do things properly.”

It was about time I had a more regular work schedule. I had been living too erratically. For now, I had just set up a desk, table, and sofa. I didn’t even have a nameplate yet. Come to think of it, I should get a new business card too.

“Anyway, I’m just going to confess and be done with it.”

“How’s that going to work? What if Chloe says okay?”

“Do you really think that’s likely? I mean assuming she has no ulterior motives,” I replied.

Moon Hyuna scratched the back of her head. “You are cute, Hyung-nim, but...” She plopped down onto the sofa and continued, “If you’re asking if Chloe would find you attractive, I’m honestly not sure I can give a positive answer.”

“Of course not. After all, I’m pretty much a stranger to her. It would be hard to claim love at first sight, too. No matter what people say about first impressions, looks matter, and in that department, I’m at a disadvantage.”

As if it weren’t hard enough being on my own, I had to contend with Yoohyun, Sung Hyunje, and even Song Taewon as my companions. Who would even notice my face? Getting rejected was the most likely outcome, assuming there were no ulterior motives involved.

“You’re speaking very rationally. Weren’t you all flustered yesterday? Did your feelings cool off overnight?”

“I still like Chloe-ssi. I’d like to keep liking her, if possible.”

Chloe didn’t know it, but her programs had been a source of comfort to me during some tough times. I wasn’t the only one she’d helped. While those moments had been erased due to my regression, I still remembered them clearly.

“…You’re acting a bit suspicious.” Hyuna-ssi seemed to have caught on that my attitude wasn’t normal.

“In support of Han Yoojin-gun’s first love.” Sung Hyunje approached and perched on the desk, then handed me a USB drive. Gyeol bared his teeth as if he would chomp on Sung Hyunje’s hand at any moment. Calm down, Gyeol-ah.

“It’s not my first love. I already got rejected by my first love a long time ago,” I said.

I plugged the USB into my laptop. It contained detailed information on Chloe Alger. “You got that ready fast.”

I said I would contact him in a few days, but he had brought the information in just one day. The data included not only personal details but also recent activities in detail. After reading through it, I let out a deep sigh. There wasn’t anything particularly suspicious in the data itself. However…

‘One centimeter.’

She was 1 cm taller than she had been before my regression. It was a small difference, but the problem was that Chloe at this point should be at a lower level than the Chloe I knew. Taking that into account, the difference might be closer to 2 cm.

‘...It’s likely that her rank increased, after all.’

Or she might have acquired a skill that affected her body. That was also possible. Ranks can go up. Skills can be gained. After all, I had changed, and so had the people around me. It wasn’t unreasonable to think others could change too.

But change wasn’t that easy. If I didn't have my memories, if my skills remained the same and I had simply regressed—how much would I have changed compared to before the regression? It's never easy to change without external interference.

“Han Yoojin-gun,” Sung Hyunje said, leaning forward. “It seems some information differs from what you remember.”

“…Yes.”

"Why are you two having a conversation only you understand," Moon Hyuna grumbled, annoyed at being left out. 

Explaining it fully would mean bringing up my life before the regression. I rubbed my face as if washing it and pushed my hair back.

“It’s not certain,” I said, feeling a weight in my chest. “But there’s a possibility that Hunter Chloe is connected to Park Hayul or to the person who recently carried out the attack on the Association.”

“…Chloe is?” Moon Hyuna looked surprised.

“Yes. That's why, to confirm, I need to be rejected by her."

Moon Hyuna loosely crossed her arms. Gyeol used his tail to slap away Sung Hyunje’s hand, which had been reaching towards me.

“Don’t be too disappointed. People aren’t always what they seem,” Sung Hyunje consoled me.

“We don’t know for certain yet.”

“Hold on, Hyung-nim. So you pretended to like Chloe?”

“…I’m not pretending. I do like her, not romantically but as a person. I’m genuinely a fan."

“Yeah, you didn’t seem like you were acting. But confessing just to see if there’s something fishy… isn’t that a strange approach?"

"Everyone already thinks I have a crush on Chloe-ssi, so I’m playing along with the situation."

I couldn’t explain about the keyword. If the keyword failed to work, it would mean she was connected to Park Hayul. If it worked but she started making moves to get closer to me or try something else, then she’d likely be linked to the Pious. If neither happened, then maybe I could relax a little. But I’d still need to ask her about her rank.

“I don’t think Chloe-ssi is the kind of person who would date me just for my status. Don’t you agree?"

"From what I know, yeah. Chloe is, how should I put it, a bit like Director Song."

“Like Director Song?”

“I told you that she’s unusual. She’s not as extreme in suppressing herself, but for a high-ranking hunter, she cares a lot about the public good. She also dislikes hunters who abuse their power.”

“…She sounds like a good person.”

“Well, there’s still a lot of discrimination where she’s from, right? Even though it’s lessened over time, you still hear things like, ‘America’s heroes are always white.’"

Though not all, most of the famous and popular hunters in the U.S. were indeed white. There had been discussions about how similarly skilled or even weaker hunters received preferential treatment if they were white.

“Her ethics are fairly strict, so it’s hard to imagine her being involved with the people who kidnapped you and shot at you, Director Han. Still, as Sung Hyunje said, people aren’t always what they seem. Some folks are completely different on the inside.”

"The Breaker Guild Leader got tricked once, too. That’s why—"

“Shut your mouth, Sung Hyunje, before I stitch it closed,” Moon Hyuna growled, her brow furrowing. Hyuna-ssi had also been deceived at some point?

“It could just be my misunderstanding,” I said.

“Well anyway, Hyung-nim, if you’re rejected cleanly, then she probably doesn’t have any ulterior motives. Right?”

“Basically, yes. If she were targeting me, it’d be an opportunity she wouldn’t want to pass up."

Even though we were technically in a ceasefire with the Pious, both sides were allowed to maintain contact. There was no reason for them to refuse an opportunity to get closer to me.

"She might suspect it's a trap, but I think my behavior has been quite natural."

"It was good enough to fool me, so I’d say that’s a safe bet,” Hyuna said.

"I’m telling you, it’s real."

Besides, given how loudly I’d been declaring my supposed feelings and confessing, it’d be hard for anyone to believe this was all staged. And all I’d done was mention the idea of confessing. 

"It seems the rumors have spread quite a bit.”

“Yeah, it’s all over our guild,” Hyuna replied.

“Sooyoung said she wants to catch the bouquet,” Sung Hyunje chimed in.

“Ah, Liette mentioned she might try to make a move before it’s too late, so be careful. Lock your doors at night.”

What nonsense was that? Does that mean Liette wouldn't touch someone who has a partner? I thought she wouldn't care about things like that, so it was a bit surprising.

“…I really feel bad for Chloe-ssi, though. If this turns out to be a misunderstanding, I’ll need to apologize properly."

"You said your behavior wasn't fake, right? Besides, you’re F-rank and younger than her, so it’s not a big deal. If Chloe were a low-rank hunter or your genders were reversed, I’d tell you to keep quiet, but this is just a harmless incident.”

Moon Hyuna waved her hand dismissively, assuring me that this situation would blow over as a minor incident. She even suggested Chloe might find it amusing.

“Please keep this a secret from others. From Yoohyun and Yerim, of course, but also from Director Song,” I requested.

If Yoohyun and Yerim found out, they’d give away the ruse immediately. And Director Song wasn’t great at acting either.

“Don’t worry. So, which hotel? Should I call in an orchestra?” Moon Hyuna was still excited, insisting that a confession was still a confession, after all.

“Fine, fine. Chloe-ssi probably knows what you’re like, Hyuna-ssi, so do as you please. I’ll just go along with the two of you and let you push me into confessing."

There was something else I hesitated to mention but felt I should, just in case.

“It seems Chloe-ssi’s stats are higher than what’s publicly known. She might actually be S-rank, not A-rank.”

“What?” Moon Hyuna’s eyes widened in surprise. It seemed even Sung Hyunje hadn’t anticipated that.

"The current Chloe Alger is about 2cm taller than the A-rank Chloe Alger."

"So that's why you were sure after seeing the data,” Sung Hyunje remarked.

“What are you two talking about?”

“The Chloe Alger I knew was 1 cm shorter, even five years from now.”

“…Five years from now?”

“I’m actually from five years in the future.”

“What Han Yoojin-gun says is true,” Sung Hyunje backed me up.

Moon Hyuna leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand, staring at us. There was a moment of silence.

“…Well, fine. I guess a lot of strange things have happened since the dungeons appeared, so why not. We’ve been to other worlds, so time travel doesn’t seem too far-fetched. The bottom line is that you know what’ll happen over the next five years?”

“It’s changed a lot. Originally, I couldn't raise monsters. There was no rearing facility. S-rank mounts didn’t exist even five years later.”

"Things are much better then! That's all that matters." Moon Hyuna sat up and stretched her back, before sinking deep into the sofa. “Got any advice for me?”

“Not really. Just be cautious with the media, I guess? You can imagine why I would have known about that incident,” I said.

“Got it.”

She didn’t pry for more details. Just like in Achates, Hyuna-ssi lived in the present. She focused on the here and now, without lingering on a future that had disappeared. Even after the Breaker Guild collapsed prior to my regression, she would have continued on her own path. And that would be the same in this present.

“So, Chloe changed a lot physically from A-rank to S-rank, which is suspicious. Can those guys turn A-ranks into S-ranks? What about making S-ranks into SS-ranks?” Hyuna asked.

“That would be difficult. I did help Hunter Kim Sunghan grow into an S-rank, but that was different.”

“Oh, right, you did.”

“I only managed it because I figured out his growth conditions, but it still wasn’t easy. The requirements were strict.”

I also shared the exact date I had regressed. Moon Hyuna cheerfully left first, saying she’d prepare everything nicely. Gyeol glared at Sung Hyunje, as if urging him to leave quickly too.

"Will you send everyone away when you confess?" Sung Hyunje asked.

“Yes. The skill on me hasn’t lifted yet, so I’ll deactivate my Fear Resistance just in case. That should also make things more convincing.”

If Chloe were connected to Park Hayul, she might try to control me. Confessing to an S-rank I supposedly liked without Fear Resistance… it was going to look pretty pathetic. Honestly, it would be more surprising if she didn’t reject me. Just thinking about it made me a little sad. Honestly, it’s not like I had no desire for a normal relationship.

“Even if, by some miracle, she says yes, I’d still turn her down.”

Yerim, who had been supportive, told me to brush it off and stay strong in advance.

Yoohyun, however, still didn’t seem to believe I could be rejected. Sure, maybe on paper my qualifications were appealing…

"You know my situation well, but you’re acting like this?" I asked.

“…Yeah.”

"Didn't you say before that you'd step aside if I got married?"

“Really? Did Han Yoohyun really say that?” Yerim asked, looking between Yoohyun and me in disbelief.

“At the time, I thought it would be fine as long as Hyung was happy.”

"And now you don’t want to do that?"

“…No, I don’t,” Yoohyun shook his head apologetically. It was better for him to admit it than forcing himself to accept it. "Also, you barely know her. I’m not against you dating outright."

"Ajussi, that’s one hundred percent a lie,” Yerim cut in.

"I mean, if she were trustworthy, I’d be okay with it."

“Is there even anyone like that? By your standards, the only one who could pass is probably Peace,” Yerim pointed out.

“Yeah, Peace would be fine.”

Yerim and I both stared at Yoohyun. Oh… he seemed serious.

“Wow… Han Yoohyun," Yerim said slowly.

“Yoohyun-ah, at least consider the fact that Peace is a different species.”

Of course, I trusted Peace too, especially since I’d raised him myself.

“At least Peace would never hurt you, Hyung.”

“Right, right.”

As we talked, the car arrived at the hotel. Even though I was expecting to be rejected, I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous.

[coco-bee]

INSIDE OUT 2 AND ANXIETY

Welcome to Media and Topic where I discuss a piece of media and how they handle a certain topic either in the story department or the production!

Today I’m discussing Inside Out 2 and how the movie handled Anxiety!

!! SPOILERS AHEAD !!

(I need to scratch the itch this movie gave me)

So I watched Inside Out 2 in the cinema with my friends after not going to the cinemas for a few years now AND I LOVED IT!! Very entertaining movie and I can’t wait to rewatch it on Disney+ :D

I want to discuss more about the first and second movie sometime when I get to watch them again

For now I want to discuss how this movie handles having anxiety!

Keep in mind I won’t go as in depth as I would want because I only watched the movie once and I can’t thoroughly watch it to find stuff I missed so I’m going off my memory.

So to start off of course we can’t discuss anxiety without well… Anxiety!

I genuinely love the way she’s portrayed! Not as an irredeemable monster but just wants the best for Riley and goes about it the wrong way. The way the movie interprets Anxiety as someone who prepares for the future is really smart! (and makes me rethink MY anxiety..)

Most people personify Anxiety as a monster who takes over the mind that they would like to be removed. But in this movie- Anxiety seems like an overbearing mother that is just trying her best but goes about it the wrong way. (at least to me)

The movie doesn’t go into the direction where Riley has an excessive amount of anxiety that requires medication or therapy but more of goes into the anxiety you get when you’re a teenager but it shows a lot more in certain situations than having it be a constant thing. Which explains why Anxiety while not gone is managed by Joy so that she won’t go off the rails.

Anyway I first want to mention the scene after Riley does her first game at Hockey Camp and Riley hears the Firehawks talk about her (I love how Val defends her btw I love her sm ARGHH)

(sorry the ss is bad quality I can’t find more)

The way Anxiety handled the conversation so smoothly was a very interesting scene! It adds nuance to the idea of anxiety not always being a bad thing. Anxiety can help someone stay alert in case of danger, make them aware of risks and motivate us to solve the problem/find a solution and in my experience helps with quick thinking. It only turns into a bad thing when it’s taken over ALL the time.

Basically the message of the first movie but instead of having toxic positivity it’s having unmanaged anxiety.

But things go downhill when Anxiety bottles up the other emotions in order to make Riley look cool and make new friends with Val and the Firehawks

And also removing Riley’s sense of self as she plants in more self deprecating ideas in Riley’s head to make this new belief that Riley isn’t good enough and has to ALWAYS improve (heavy emphasis on ‘always’)

Which gets Riley to abandon everything about herself. Like lying about her favorite band.

And abandoning her friends in order to look cool and mature.

In my experience this is VERY accurate. When you get overruled by Anxiety you tend to lose your sense of self. You lose your core personality traits in favor of what is seen as cool. PEOPLE PLEASER ALERTT ‼️ (Me too Riley… me too<3)

I also notice how Riley tends to make decisions that are completely against her morals and the rules when she’s letting her emotions take too much control instead of thinking rationally like sneaking to the Coach’s office because she was fueled with not knowing if she made the team or not.

A similar thing happened in the first movie where she stole her mom’s credit card. So just a detail to point out.

There’s also the scene where Anxiety got these…thought artists?? (I forgot what they’re called) to write the worst possible scenarios for Riley before a big game while she’s asleep. THAT SCENE IS SO RELATABLE I DO THAT A LOT especially when I’m going through something.

Again very accurate and not to mention a creative representation of this kind of thought process.

I also remember when Joy is formulating a plan to get back Riley’s old sense of self, in her plan she says to Anxiety “Hey! Stop worrying so much” and Anxiety (in Joy’s mind) replies with “I didn’t think of that! Thank you”

Which is PAINFULLY accurate to how people respond to others that have anxiety. They just respond with “Don’t worry” WHEN LIKE… THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS 💀

We need a lot more than “Don’t worry” to be able to well..not worry.

For me I talk it out for me not to worry anymore because I prefer having someone with me instead of being stuck in my head. And other people have different needs when they have anxiety.

I just really like that detail

There’s also the panic attack Riley gets

I love how Anxiety rushes around the console trying to think of some sort of solution but she’s stuck in this loop and just couldn’t stop worrying and panicking and that just… it hit way too close to home. When you’re having a panic attack you tend to get stuck in your mind to the point where you need an outside force to get you out of it. Like how Grace went to ask her if she was ok while Riley was in the penalty box which helped Riley get out of it and finally open up and slowly be herself again.

Usually if this movie was written by out of touch writers Anxiety would be “defeated”, Joy puts back Riley’s old sense of self and Riley is all happy again! BUT NOPE thankfully the movie doesn’t go in that direction because the writers understand how the brain works.

I like how even if Joy puts back the old self, it doesn’t automatically make things better. That sense of self was great for Riley when she was a kid.. but she’s not a kid anymore. She needs something else. So her new self is a mix of positive affirmations and negative affirmations about herself which is very realistic. Because as you get older you become a lot more humble and aware of your flaws.

I also like how Anxiety is not “defeated” in the end but instead becomes managed. When she starts spiraling, Joy helps her calm down and asks “We can’t control what happens but what can we control now? What can we do right now?” which is an AMAZING way for it to be handled.

It works a lot on me which helps me calm down and get my head back to earth and think rationally.

Overall this movie is very accurate with how it depicts being a teenager with Anxiety! And it really touched me as someone who tends to have it every now and then.

Please go watch this movie while it’s still in theaters (or available for streaming)! It’s worth your time!!

PIXAR HAS GOTTEN ANOTHER W

(also off topic I love how Fear is so fucking smitten for Anxiety it’s so cute I need a pixar short with them PLSSSSS SOMEONE DISCUSS THEM W MEEEE)

This is Coco typing… Thank you for reading!

[lordsovorn]

Rereading Zuma's arc right now, and (SPOILERS FOR DANDADAN MANGA OF COURSE), since I was already up-to-date and following weekly updates then, on my first read I missed in the chaos of events how readily Rokuro jumps into the fight against an unknown terrifying opponent here. He really threw his lot in with these kids lol

One detail that might partially explain the discomfort around Rokuro as an ally is that, unlike Turbo Granny, he is not made harmless. In fact, he actually gets an upgrade, and he can really hold his own on par with main characters now.

(on the other hand though, he was the one to initiate cooperation even without our protagonists beating his ass)

It's interesting to see the different approaches of aliens and ghosts to peace.

In line with ghosts being hyper-emotional traumatized beings, they are impossible to reason with at the peak of their directionless rage. But if the right subjective chord is struck and you appeal / validate / turn around their emotions, they soften up, maybe even grow attached and protective.

Hyper-rational aliens, on the other hand, stick rigidly to their agenda, don't care about appeals to empathy or morals, but fold as soon as the objective equation changes. As soon as a powerful threat arose, Serponians (Rokuro) had no problem ceasing hostilities with their former targets. He was ready to protect these kids with all he had and his life - not out of compassion or remorse, but because it was rational cooperation against their common enemy.

A question after the victory, even after his exile by Serponians, remained - if the equation changed again, would he switch sides again? Would he see it as rational to do so? It certainly doesn't look like you could count on his gratitude, personal attachment or moral code.

And here, I think, we have our answer.

Who else is going to give him a tip about high-paying jobs without ratting out a half-metal man with no neck to authorities or exploiting his confusion. Who in the world could beat the side these kids are on, with their ludicrous loyalty to each other and scientifically improbable concentration of supernatural power. Who in the vast, cold, cutthroat-rational universe will give him the irrational kindness they have displayed, or sincerely offer him something they cannot. Behind the flat comments about part-time jobs lie countless unspoken considerations that lead to one simple conclusion.

In Rokuro's view of the world, the equation has cemented yet again. He is with these kids, now matter where he ends up and against whom.

BONUS: A look at how Turbo Granny displays loyalty in a very contrasting way during the same arc. Loud, rude, you can see she is very emotionally involved and, to her dismay and Fairy-Tale Card's bemusement, attached to her humans:

[astrojulia]

PAC - Messages to improve your Summer/Winter Season

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purpose. This reading was done in mind with Summer for people in the Northern Hemisphere and Winter for the Southern Hemisphere.

How to pick a pile

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise! ..

Pile 1 - Kuromi

(Eight of Coins - Ships - 10 of Wands - Moon - The Moon - Lillies - Nightingale)

What you've been working on since the beginning of the year has been your work and your career, and that's why you've already made great progress in this regard. You've completed many plans and projects because I see here a person who engages in independent and primarily artistic work (if this doesn't apply to you, skip this part). You've already made significant changes to the way you approach your projects, perfecting them and improving their efficiency in terms of time and cost.

Your strength today lies primarily with women and the female audience. It seems that you make their work much easier by delivering practically everything ready. So far, this description has been quite general, but let me delve deeper. You have the ability to take sketches and text that people create and turn them into highly detailed images. You can deliver exactly what they want, even when they don't fully understand their own desires.

In the remainder of the year, you need to focus on enhancing your creativity, intuition, and subconscious. It appears that you have concentrated on improving the theoretical and logical aspects of your art, such as techniques. However, now it's time to reestablish your focus on the practical and emotional dimensions of your craft. Understand the messages behind your work without needing explanations or logical reasoning, as there are certain aspects that are purely emotional and not rational.

Pile 2 -My Melody

(The Fool - Mices - Two of Cups - Tree - The Hierophant - Whip - Turkey)

What you've been working on since the beginning of the year is exploring the possibilities at your disposal. You haven't limited yourself to a single plan or envisioned a fixed future; instead, you've been experimenting and getting to know a little bit of everything. You have conducted extensive research, seeking out both the purest and darkest aspects of each subject. During this period, you haven't settled for anything less—you have immersed yourself in the topic and then moved on. This research and exploration are closely connected to the magical, religious, and alchemical aspects of things.

Your strength lies in your ability to transform situations like turning water into wine. You have a knack for converting adversity into productivity and fruitful outcomes. For you, there is no such thing as a bad time. This ability is particularly evident when it comes to your parents and ancestors—you have a way of making their influence more adaptable.

In the remaining part of the year, it is important to focus and commit to a specific area. Although you have conducted extensive research, it's time to concentrate on a particular subject to delve deeper and produce something that can benefit you in the long-term future. You need to create a ritual, something you can talk about and engage with every day, starting from the moment you wake up in the morning.

Pile 3 - Hello Kitty

(Ace of Pentacles - Child - The Chariot - Bear - Four of Pentacles - Dog - Skunk)

You have been focusing on personal growth and the experiences that money can afford you. You have been meeting your child's wants and basic needs to a certain extent. For instance, if you can buy a snack, you go ahead and purchase it without holding back. However, you have imposed significant restrictions on yourself, and now you are starting to loosen up a bit. Additionally, you have been rediscovering and utilizing skills from your childhood that were once set aside due to financial constraints, but now you have the means to pursue them.

Your greatest strength today lies in your audacity and courage. Nothing and no one can stand in your way. You are also deeply connected to spirituality, particularly embracing a feminine and motherly energy. Your inner light and unwavering faith that everything will eventually fall into place are your sources of strength.

As you move forward in the remaining part of the year, it is important to focus on your economy and practice saving. Cultivate a greater appreciation and care for the possessions you already have. Lately, you have been driven by instinct, and it would be beneficial to incorporate a bit more rationality into your decision-making for the remainder of the year.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[kainereee]

Photographer - The Emperor

Going insane over the new idv tarot design like a very normal person, specifically looking at Joseph.

I'll be looking at meanings from a range of websites though most tend to follow the same message.

General Meaning

This is the card that asserts authority, organizes systems to retain maximum control and is the paternal influence of the Tarot deck, assuring that protection and security are provided to all those playing by the rules.

From this meaning alone it feels like the Emperor is the perfect card for Joseph. Immediately my first thoughts go to his inventions and obsession with the mirror world. The CN translation of his third character day letter sees him call the photo world akin to an "eternal kingdom", which has more hopeful connotation.

Joseph doesn't necessarily have malicious intent. Yes, the things he's done are utterly heinous and would be to any rational person who heard of them, but the bottom line is that both Joseph's hubris and his genuine belief that what he is creating and working towards will help people. Joseph sees living as suffering, but he doesn't see the afterlife as something that can guarantee him happiness either. Because the afterlife is foreign and unknown to the happiness he experienced as a child.

Instead he chooses the camera world. Preservation, something he has created, where everyone can be happy together, trapped together in a beautiful eternity. The photo world is the peaceful world where they will all rest, away from the adversities of life.

So how does this all relate to the Emperor? I like to think that it makes sense that because of how many things in Joseph's life that were out of his control ruined him, in the broader sense he does need (or feels like he needs) a huge sense of control, as much control as possible. The camera world allows him that. He's the master of that world but he does not assert such authority to rub his own ego necessarily, but because he's convinced that people need protecting. That living is suffering, and he's merely doing what's best for all. He is protecting them.

I also want to note it might be important that we are served the Emperor card upright. The reversed position of the card implies a lack of control leading to an abuse of power and unwise decisions. What Joseph does is undeniably an abuse of power objectively, but describing it as just that loses a lot of the nuance behind his actions and motivations. Despite how clearly mentally unstable Joseph is he is in control of what he is aiming to do. Like what the Emperor card represents, he has a burning ambition to achieve his goal no matter what it takes — and we see that from the way he does not falter after all his friends leave him, how it's implied that not even Elliott could stop him even though his words left some impression on him.

Design Notes

Moving on, I'd like to look at the design in more detail in comparison to what the traditional Emperor card looks like.

To get the full picture of the design we can look at the actual heritage of the Tarot card, which read me down a rabbit hole of exploring the history of the Emperor card exclusively. One detail that stuck out to me particularly was the fact Joseph isn't facing the audience in his card. In more contemporary decks the Emperor faces you head on, but Joseph isn't. I'd say this is likely in relation to the Tarot de Marseille characteristics.

By the mid-seventeeth century after Tarot card production had moved to France, the Emperor gained the characteristic of sitting on his throne in profile with his legs crossed.

The position of his legs was staged for maximum effect. Sitting at ease with one leg crossed over the other traditionally signified the highest status person in the room, or someone about to pass a legal judgment.

This doesn't drastically change the meaning of the card itself, but I thought it was a cool detail nonetheless. It feels quite fitting for Joseph ( Judge skin aside ) in the sense that he believes that what he is deciding for people is right, or that he even has the authority to in the first place. It fits well with his arrogance and ultimately all the other decisions that lead him to his self-destruction in a way.

The detail doesn't stop there. The Emperor card changed yet again with the occult tradition.

19th century occultists like Eliphas Levi, Oswald Wirth and Papus retained the Tarot De Marseille image but added their own cosmic interpretation. Particularly They saw the Emperor’s body as a triangle with his legs making a cross. Together these form the symbol for alchemical sulfur and allude to spirit dominating matter ( now where does that sound familiar ... )

What's particularly relevant to Joseph is that Wirth changed the Emperor's legs slightly to be more like the astrological symbol of Jupiter.

Because of the Emperor’s association with the number four and the Hebrew letter Daleth (door or womb) occultists saw the Emperor presiding over the birth of all material things, then ruling the material world as Jupiter. The globe topped by a cross, a traditional symbol of the Emperor’s worldly and spiritual power, was reinterpreted as the astrological sign for Venus, emphasizing the concepts of birth and creation. The Emperor represents the creative fire at the heart of all beings; so he’s also energy trapped in the material world.

So how does this all relate to Joseph? Well as I said this doesn't drastically change the meaning of the card, but there are small details and nuances that you could interpret liken to Joseph. Like how the pose he's sat in originates from when tarot deck production grew in France. On the other hand, the connotations of Jupiter could be the way he did achieve his goal in a way in creating the mirror world — defying the rules of life and death itself. Since the Emperor also represents the creative fire at the heart of all beings it could also be alluded to Joseph's origins as a creative in his journey, and his wish to see something more than the dullness and dread of life.

There is a lot more to the card heritage of the Emperor and other parts I could have mentioned, but I decided to include these as the most relevant. I'll have it referenced in the end if you'd like to check it out!

Now I'll continue my insanity into what the Emperor card means in certain contexts.

Past

In the past position, The Emperor represents a father or other authority figure who laid down the law and set a firm definition of acceptable behavior for you. Perhaps you rebelled against him or his teachings, or maybe they helped to keep you out of harm’s way. If you are in a secure position now, you have The Emperor in this position to thank. But some people do abuse their authority and if you are alone and alienated after being witness to the abuse of authority, this card confirms that the blame is there. Often we are given rule over our world and mess things up ourselves. Other times, the trust that put us in the care of another is at fault when this person goes overboard and so The Emperor represents a tyrant.

Honestly I don't have one set idea of interpretation in regards to Joseph and his story in terms of the past.

The first thing that came to mind was his father. We don't know a lot of things about Joseph's family outside of Claude especially with his relationship with his parents. All I can think of is Joseph's 2021 character day art where there were noticeable cracks over his father and mother in the portraits behind him.

Considering Joseph is hardly in a secure position, it might be implied that something went wrong too with his parents. When he lost Claude he had no other immediate family that we know of aside from them, but until he was of age he still would have been under their care. Was there a certain pressure placed on him as the only remaining son of the Desaulnier family? Did Joseph feel perhaps alienated by his parents who may have tried to move forward much quicker than himself? These are questions that we can't answer yet.

The other "tyrant" of Joseph's past I had in mind could have been the person who lent him those books on the occult when he visited the unnamed manor. I already alluded to such a person bearing similarities to Henry and Dorian in my little ramble after finishing the picture of Dorian Grey. But again, there's nothing to he said for sure.

Present

When The Emperor is in the present position, you have the rule of law before you to guide you on your journey. This card is especially strong in the present position as it gives you an absolute confidence to move toward a goal. This can also represent the influence of another person in your life right now. Are you so enamored of a new friend or lover that you have started following the advice and lifestyle habits of him or her? Have you discovered a new hero in the arts whose work has expanded your consciousness to the point that it is hard to relate to people who have not had a similar reaction to this person’s artistic output? Is there a new teacher in your life who has changed the way you think? Perhaps a new person at work is transforming the way you approach your on-the-job goals. The theme running through all of these possibilities is that one way of seeing the world is coming to dominate the way you experience life.

I've highlighted that last part for reasons that I've already stated in this post. But that line in particular is pretty relevant to Joseph.

Joseph who could not run move on from his grief and instead fell deeper into it. Joseph who could never enjoy life the same without Claude in it and after seeing the horrors that death brings, in his brother's death and the revolutionary war that tore up everything he had ever loved and known. Joseph whose life was dominated by his grief, anger and anguish that pushed away those who might have loved and cared for him — even Elliott, at the very end, could not save him.

Future

The future position is an uncomfortable position for The Emperor. The days and weeks ahead are vague and quite affected by the smallest decisions of the here and now. The Emperor card demands to assert itself. When The Emperor card is here, anticipate a change to come into your life in a bold manner; expectations to conform in the way you carry yourself may be part of this picture. Regardless of the situation, understand that new demands to follow a specific behavioral prescription will be coming your way and coming in the near future. Prepare now to submit, evade or resist.

There's a number of ways you could interpret this and none are strictly right or wrong. A lot of which echoes much of the sentiments of needing control, disliking uncertainty and particularly change in general ...

It could also be interpreted in regards to the trajectory of Joseph's life after Claude's death — what became of his future. We have seen Joseph has gained a habit of self-restraint now — not truly speaking what's on his mind but rather speaking what he needs to achieve a means to an end. He's someone who does feel the weight of peoples' expectations on him and seeks to excel past them, and that particularly becomes evident post the tragedies of his younger years. He changes particularly in the way he carries himself, whether that be influence of his own grief or that new-risen demand as the Desaulnier's surviving son and the pressure he put on himself.

Final Notes

You made it to the end! You must be as crazy as me or smth damn.

Anyways this was an unnecessarily long ramble of me basically saying how perfect this card is for Joseph and his story and I'm sure there's so many other elements I missed out and failed to convey. But this is all for fun! Don't take my words as law.

I kind of want to do some more for a few of my favs so ..

[random-fandom-chaos]

I need Monty parenting so bad. I need her noticing little details about the kids, like Kat slightly fidgeting or Sydney acting mean when she's really just protective. I need Monty reassuring Rio that he doesn't have to act like nothing bothers him and telling Paris he doesn't have to be responsible for everyone else.

Mother just goes around collecting homeless kids like Pokemon. Monty doesn't asks questions and immediately adopts them . Canonically, after Mother gets back from his missions where he finds the kids ,he just goes on rants about how cool they are. Monty just listens.

When she gets kidnapped in Golden Gate, Sydney says Monty is like a mother to them.

MONTY. IS. THEIR. MOTHER.

AMEN ,ANON.

I’ve said that to my friend like Mother just adopts every child he sees like if it’s a Pokémon card collection—

AND I LOVE THAT LIKE MOTHER RAMBLING ON ABOUT HOW FOOL HIS KIDS ARE TO HIS BEST FRIEND GUYS. Relationship friendship goals fr!!

Anyways Anon, I have a decided to give a gift:

with silly little commentary

————

After a tireless day after the mission in New York, and Mother’s Day mission, the kids all felt exhausted, blaming themselves for things. Every small detail they ran through their minds, Their father’s kidnapping, Monty being put in custody.

Despite Mother’s attempts to comfort them he was fine the kids were still paranoid he’s hiding something (he most definitely is) his attempt of comfort only worked temporarily

But they relaxed when Monty spoke, she’s their m at this point, she cares for them, she’s always there when they need to vent or they need help with something, Paris feeling like a failure of a som and alpha, Rio saying that when they took the award from him it didn’t affect him, and Kat being more on her feet and fidgety, etc. Monty noted it all.

She found ways to distract them, Dominga baking competition, or just letting them back and cook more often. She always had a comforting motherly presence whenever she was around, even to Mother (he needs a mom AND a dad chat)

Currently both her and Mother are on his tower thingy by the airstrip (May the gods bless me I do not know the name of that)

Mother hands a cup of tea to Monty

“Hey. You’re doing a awesome job, even with your own stress.”

Monty chuckled

“it’s the least I can do for the kids. They work so hard for us.”

Mother nodded, stretching his arms, which were still sore from being tied up. “By the way, how are your arms? I could get you somethin—“

She got cut off by the British man.

“No you did enough work already. Rest. Okay?”

He said, in a strict tone yet meaning it with genuine care, he loved her (platonic or romantic Idc how ppl take it. This moment it’s leaning most to platonic tho) He wanted to her to care for herself to.

He held her down, using his own weight to deal him body across hers, taking the mug form her hands and placing it on the table.

“Hey— I’m fin-“

Monty tried to retaliate, yet being cut off by a yawn

“…Okay you win. Sleep sounds good.”

Mother laughs, nodded, holding her gently, in a comforting and caring manner

“go to sleep…Mom.”

Monty chukled

“you’re a cool dad y’know?”

“Of course I am! I’m wonderfu-“

Smack!

“Ow, why’d u hit my forehead?”

“go to sleep idiot.”

————

THIS WASNT PROOFREAD LOLZ

AND OF COURSE IT HAD MOTHER IN IT. He’s my silly, Monty’s his rationality and the reason he hasn’t killed half of the population of Umbra. /SILLY

Tagging ppls:

@afunky-jester

@needlesandnilbogs (I think ur the Anon)

@fishyupmywishy

@littengamer909

@stellrsjay

[oh-my-damn]

Love your common sense post. Thank you for being rational and critically thinking!! No matter the outcome or side you're on.

There are blogs determined it is real and they are a private couple hence never seen out. But also "know" that they are "pushing for a september AD article" rather than waiting for the house to be finished. And that the wedding is in fall!!

Well why would a "real and private" couple be pushing for an AD release at all? Especially why try and rush it for a September deadline? And why the deadline? That's not normal.

If they were real and private, especially with Chris's experience of past homes and fans, you would keep details of your home and wedding private, no one would know.

He's littlerally had fans work out where his houses are, stalk them and break in! If that is his "future family home they're building together," why risk his wife and future children's safety by plastering it all over the interent to be found?!

Sorry rant over

Okay I absolutely understand your thoughts on this and I also agree on a lot of it.

However, I see my posts yesterday getting very misconstrued (mostly by the people who support the other blog lol). I wasnt saying the source wasnt real or that their info is fake etc or wont happen.

I saw someone call me "delusional" for not believing it - I have never said it might not be true. What I called TLQ out on was them telling people to have "common sense" when it came to the Jinx ad. I think that is so hypocritical considering theyre playing the "trust me bro" card and RELYING on people not having common sense when it comes to their info on the engagement specifically.

They are relying on people not using common sense because there is nothing logical or even partly proven about their info. They just insist on it and keep saying "believe what you want" and "take it with a grain of salt" which can even be considered like a manipulation tactic. They know how desperate people in this fandom have become and now they have this info that they can't share anything about except the info itself, and we now have to blindly believe that someone who has proof of the engagement sent it to a tumblr blog and not fucking tmz. To me, it seems like a tactic to rile people up. I dont even think TLQ is behind it, I legitimately believe theyre being sent this shit. My question is WHY. And I know why. Its obvious to me. Im just surprised they havent realized yet that theyre being used to push this narrative.

That is what bothered me. Its the double standard.

To me, jinx putting out a hint he is single is a lot more plausible than them actually being sent real and true engagement info AS THE ONLY ONE.

They have known this for months now and still there is nothing about it in the news cycle. Thats weird af.

Whereas he literally could have made a comment about it or even approved the jinx ad with this slogan. He was actually in the room with these people, so to me that seems a lot more plausible.

That is what my posts were about.

Im not saying I believe one or the other or whatever, I was calling out the double standard of how they treat information.

Rant over.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

J-Hope's Career Energy Reading

Okay, now time to get to my an individual reading of my bias. This had been long overdue for myself. Now, that he is out of the Military. Let's see what is in store for him.

So, his overall energy is House 2, this is about getting his finances in check. It seems he is evaluating his worth through his material assets. He is kind of looking at things from an artificial standpoint overall. I just see him looking at all he has accumulated. He is kind of trying to see his worth through what he was able to gain through his work. This is more of a materialistic mindset.

So, we have the storyteller. It seems he has things he wants to share. It may be through the form of music. He seems to have a vivid imagination and a great way of sharing his story, so he may find a way to do that. I can really see it through his work. He has a lot he wants to share, maybe about the Military, so he seems like he will be sharing that story. I feel the Military has also given him a lot of creative outlets to work with, the experience has given him a lot of ideas. And I see him having a lot of creative ways to share it.

Now, with this Barbie/Ken card. This card usually indicates for me is someone who likes to hide the inner parts of themselves, the fragile parts of themselves. He likes to be a role model to others, so he wants to appear as perfect as he can be. I see this with a lot of Aquarius idols. They hate showing their flaws in any way. He wants to show a strong, bold and confident appearance. He may feel this way, but he does enhance that energy a bit more on the exterior.

Now, with this Page of Pentacles, he is about pursuing his money and craft right now, slowly building things and working on his craft at the moment. Man, his energy is very detailed and precise. His mind seems very clear, like I am not struggling at all in his energy, and he has me going through each card with precision, so he is a very detailed and a precise person, just a side note I found interesting reading him. I like this energy to be honest, because I am the same way. I don't see him as confident with his work, he feels like a novice. I think he is the type that is always open to learn and is a very humble person. He is always looking to grow when it comes to his career.

He doesn't seem like the type who thinks he knows it all or has it all. Loving his energy. Although, he is very quick and precise, it is hard for me to keep up with what he is saying, my hand is hurting lol He is very tentative when it comes to his work. He doesn't rush things and does projects that feels right for him. He definitely needs to be prepared before doing something. So, he could be working towards something at the moment, doing his due diligence to finish it, but taking his time with it. Every detail matter sto him. He will not rush through anything.

There seems to be a lot of competition, aggression, battles going on within the company. He may want all this energy to go away, to come to an end. He also feels people should let things go and let go of their ego's, yeah, lots of ego's around this company. He feels people need to grow up and transform, there needs to be a change. Now, with the QOS', he is staying above it all. He is very open to other's opinions. He is being graceful. Not trying to get involved in the drama. He may be trying to keep the peace. To be the voice of reason. Man, I love this dude

He wants people to rise above, to be more rational, logical and levelheaded. He feels like judgment will come from them eventually. He isn't fazed by this too much. He feels he is above this all, not like he is superior, but just he is more highly evolved than them. He understands the big picture of it all. He tries not to caste judgment on them. He understands it is how the game works but wish they can do better. He feels there will be difficulty, but things will get worse before it gets better. He is trying to move past the difficulties he may have faced in the past, although he holds some baggage. He sees a clear path ahead. He understands the difficulties of life and the industry and has the capabilities of moving past it.

Now, with this Elephant spirit, he is very wise, maybe an old soul to be honest. He is someone who understands the importance of the past and does everything he can to not repeat old patterns. To always try to evolve and grow. There could be also lessons he has learned from mentors or elders from the past that has helped him become who he is today.

Now with this Beacon of Light card, is this not his energy! He is a mentor, a leader and a teacher to a lot of people. It is so in his energy. I feel it. He has the capabilities of teaching others and guiding others when it comes to his career, be it the members, or the fans who listen to his music. He has the ability to guide others on their journey in life. He is a stable and consistent presence in people's life. I can see him bringing peace, love and calm to people's lives. I say more people in the industry should emulate this energy.

Wow, the best energy I have been in. His energy is so calm, and he is so clear headed. I had no struggles here. I just wrote down the messages I got, very little work on my part. I feel this was a life lesson from Hobi, rather than his Career reading lol No wonder the members adore him and maybe this is why he is my bias. Hopefully I get nothing crazy when I get to his perspective reading. Because so far, his energy is amazing. I feel at ease in his energy.

[thessalian]

Thess vs TLOVM S3, Ep 4

It's still mostly been Wildermyth today, but of course yesterday was the day the next few episodes of TLOVM dropped. So here we go with Ep 4, still rationing episodes so there's not too long to wait between drops.

C'mon, Pike. get it togeth-- oh. Oooooooh. This ... is a bad bad thing. Especially since I read the episode teasers and for someone who needs to treat her soul as precious ... using it as a bargaining chip in a card game feels like not the best call.

I know that Matt's voice is in that chorus of damned souls ... but I'm pretty sure at least some of the others are in there too.

...So do we know when the S3 soundtrack is going to drop? I looked it up on Spotify but there was a random playlist under that name so either they're holding that name for the time being or someone was an absolute asshole. Anyway, point is, that one belongs right up there with "Mighty Scanlan, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise!" as something that just needs to randomly turn up on my Liked Songs playlist-- Um. What is Keyleth supposed to be, exactly?

Closest Google gives me is a wendigo. I doubt they looked all that closely, though - they just needed something creepy-looking with antlers, because Keyleth always has antlers.

Okay, dunno what's calling for Pike at this point but it ain't good.

"Lots of people have told me to come here". Oh, Grog, never change.

Oh, Keyleth, EWWWWWWWW.

The second-hand embarrassment is strooooong.

Wait. Is Zerxus the one calling Pike?!?

Oh, Vax. Oh, Vax, you are going to look back on that and ask Percy to return that punch in the face you gave him after the Deathwalker's Ward Incident because you have earned it.

Vex, Percy, you two are still so adorable.

Oh. Oh Vorugal, you have no idea who you pissed off.

Pike. Pike NO. ...Oh, honey...

So it is Zerxus calling to Pike.

Why. Did. You. Not. Keep. FLYING?!?

Ah, I was right! Now. Luis Carazo. Who he? Well, he was in Calamity, that's a start. Candela Obscura ... EXU as Zerxus himself, so I no longer feel bad about spoilers because any of you who watched EXU probably already knew from the voice ... clearly a WoD fan... Cool. Moving on.

Ah. J'mon Sa Ord not always the honest type.

Oh. Oh, she is using her soul as a precious thing. If only an exquisite offer would get them the Plate, that's exactly how she's treating her soul.

Zerxus, I know you're a devil and everything, but you are also, for all your manners and not immediately going to the murder, an asshole.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have read what happened in EXU, but ... that explains a lot. He's looking for redemption and ... I wonder if he thinks she can really give it to him. And if she really can, whatever he believes she can or not.

Pike, the fuck?!?

Pike, the fuck?!?

PIKE, FOR PITY'S SAKE; ASK HIM SOMETHING NOT ABOUT THE CARDS!

THANK YOU.

Aaaaand they're using the art style of the EXU opening credits.

Took you long enough, Pike.

And there's his tell.

YEEEEEENK! ...He's not losing graciously, is he.

Noooooooope. Though I do wonder whether, when he says "His ascension is at hand, we are of his blood", he means Thordak through the gem in his chest or ... possibly the Whispered One. Vox Machina have been a barrier to the plans of both parties, after all, and the Whispered One has ... ambitions.

Huh. Different simplified art style in the end credits. Neat.

That's a cliffhanger I can leave it on, definitely. I didn't remember the details of the whole trip to the hells (partly because it was seriously de-emphasised in the campaign and mostly I remember Vex buying a couple of aasimar children to free them from slavery, which I think bumped her to either Chaotic Good or Neutral Good from True Neutral but I'm not entirely sure; set the stage for her being a champion of the Dawnfather, anyway), but those details were obviously changed to fit Zerxus into it anyway, as well as weaving it into how Yenk ends up beating on Vorugal, so works for me. Honestly, I think the way they're reorganising the campaign to fit a shorter episodic structure (both shorter in terms of number of episodes and length of the episodes themselves) with the addition of stuff from other campaigns works remarkably well.

So more of that in a couple of days, and for now ... decisions about dinner. I am still fucking tired, and don't feel like cooking. *whine*