#how am i going to survive the in-person work upon me

[mylittleredgirl]

great news for mylittleredgirl survival enthusiasts: i stopped taking that stimulant med today and now at 5 pm i can finally sit up without feeling like my heart or eyes will explode :) unfortunately not taking it also means the severe fatigue is back so i don't want to sit up anyway. still a net positive i suppose.

[monicahar]

“what are you doing?”

you comically cower behind his back even further.

“hiding.”

“...why?”

“because there's a flipping lion in the room with us, JING YUAN. that's what.” you snap back angrily.

if you're wondering how you got into this predicament—it's not that far from being akin to a kidnapper leading on a child with sweets and delicacies.

under the guise of work and a few promised cuddles, he had made you follow his steps into his home—now with you glued to his body like it's your own lifeline. the snow-white lion snugly lies down by the only exit of the room you're both occupying—having just introduced herself when it came to jing yuan for a few pets, scaring the bejeebers out of you when its fur had grazed the back of your thighs all of a sudden.

the lion only shows confusion yet complies when jing yuan coaxed her to go away for a few moments. in other words—for you to take a breather.

in response to your much evident suffering and growing impatience, a mirthful laugh escapes him, craning his head to look at you over his shoulder to throw you a small mischievous grin “it's just my cat. i don't see the problem.”

“that's fully grown lion, you scoundrel!” you hit his back weakly, whisper-yelling as if said lion would attack you if you spoke any louder. “a-ah...it's looking at me weirdly. it's definitely thinking of how delicious i am!”

“mimi is very gentle. i doubt she's thinking of such a thing.”

you sink further in his shadow when the lion catches your wary gaze with a tilt of its head. “jing, please. it may like you, but i doubt that a territorial species would enjoy having a stranger around its person bubble.”

“you're free to leave anytime, darling. i'm not forcing you to stay.” he says coyly.

“with how your adorable little mimi is standing right by the door—i doubt i can leave of my own accord.”

“so you think she's adorable? good to hear that.” oh, now he has selective hearing?

“jing yuan. please.” you kneel down and tug on his robes pleadingly, catching him off guard to the point he has now decided to fully turn towards you in mild surprise. “i really don't know how to deal with this! i don't dislike her or anything, i'm just super scared that she won't like me and would—”

“calm down.” your lover couches down before you, hand raising to pat your head. “she doesn't bite. i promise.”

“how are you so sure?” you question incredulously, ignoring the way your heartbeat quickens at his actions. “even if she's domesticated, she's still an animal that thrives on her own survival instincts.”

“dearest, would i really have taken in a pet if it was openly feral?”

“yep. you would.” you reply in a heartbeat.

his eye twitches in return.“ahem—okay, so as i was saying,” standing up to his full height, he stretches out a hand towards you, staring at you softly as he does so. “we both know i adore delicate and gentle things, [name]. mimi is exactly that—hence why i didn't mind taking her in and burdened you with meeting her.”

you raise a brow. he shrugs, opting to resign upon your obvious reluctance on the matter.

“truthfully, i wished to see my two favourite companions to bond and get along with my own two eyes,” he heaves an apologetic huff, a tad bit disappointed whilst you only stare in surprise, “but if you're really uncomfortable with it then i suppose i shouldn't force you.”

he helps you up with ease when you finally put your hand on his, hastily padding off the dust that was caught in your clothes upon kneeling down.

grasping your hand comfortingly to calm your nerves, you hate that it work flawlessly upon his touch.

“let's go?”

you were about to nod—until your gaze catches the lion's once more.

...pretty eyes.

snowmoon.

your heart clenches at the realisation.

“on second thought...” you trail off, watching as the mammal sits up in anticipation at your eye contact. jing yuan raises a brow at you, “i think i'll try interacting with her.”

he huffs out a deep chuckle, “really, you don't have to—”

“mimi?” you call out, leaning sideways to look past behind your lover's tall figure. he does the same, turning his head over his shoulder to look at the same direction you're fixated on.

the lion perks up, and starts walking towards you. you grin, but not before whispering back to jing yuan,

“if she actually bites me, we're breaking up.”

“no promises.”

you finally pat the lion's head after about an hour of excessive whining it'll bite you, finally havin found the courage to actually see it as a mere domesticated cat whilst glaring daggers at the owner.

“mimi...attack that bad guy.” you point at him, face still looking smug as ever.

“she won't listen to y—” said lion pounces on him.

idek what this is fiakehwjbsksbw i cant write no more man,,,,*/proceeds to make another jingyuan drabble in google doc

[verinarin]

𝐒𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞

angst with comfort | he’s always on the winning side of things, but for you he’s willing to lose

Aventurine never was fond of being alone, never since he met you.

Ever since you have graced his life with your warmth he can’t go back, he hated the idea of a past, present, and future without your warmth beside him. This selfish want of his transpires the most underneath the sheets, it goes far beyond his sexual need nor his primal lust.

No, this need of his is far more pure.

Sincere even, that’s saying a lot since he was never known to be sincere.

Yet he is, for you.

Only you.

He found it easier to sleep against your chest, listening to your calm heartbeat lulls him to slumber far more successfully than any other methods he used in the past. He often described your whole body as his teddy bear, the sentiment suits you perfectly since he had always wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close as his head rested upon your chest.

So warm, so soft, so comforting.

It fills his barren heart with emotions he has always yearned for, love and adoration.

A sense of being wanted, of being loved.

He has survived by himself for years by his cunning wit and gambling his life away, yet he had stumbled upon uncharted territories with you. The feeling of comfort and security you had given him has him utterly petrified.

The thought of baring his true naked self to you terrifies him, he was never a good person, he was far from it.

You know that. You know that very well and yet here you are with fingers brushing through his blond hair, the comfort that you gave also comes with a price.

And for the first time, he’s scared to lose it, to lose you.

Unbeknownst to him, a tear has escaped from his eye. He hates it. He hates how scared he is of losing you, “Rine, are you alright ?” your soft comforting voice lingered in his ear.

“Ah I’m fine !, what makes you ask that ?,” he smiled as he tilted his head upwards, your expression paints a clear picture of worry. He does not want that.

“You’re crying,” the softness of your voice, the kindness it holds. It could render him into a crying mess, he hates it.

He hates being vulnerable, yet it’s you.

Would you leave him for this?

“Am I now ?,” he chuckled, a smirk plastered on his face. An attempt to try to mask his feelings away has never worked on you.

Yet he tries anyway.

“You are,” your hand cupped his cheeks, your thumb gently wiped away tears drops falling from his face.

He smiled, genuinely smiled as you wiped away the tears that formed from his heart. His soul.

“Perhaps I am,” he bitterly replied.

“I’m here, always here and I hope you know that,” you replied calmly, his hands reaching forward to caress your cheek, holding it gently like a precious stone.

“I’m terrified,” he muttered, his thumb resting upon your lower lip as he spoke.

“Of what ?,” you asked, you could feel his thumb tracing your lips as you spoke.

“Losing you,” he replied shortly, his lips forming a gentle smile as he watched you chuckle upon hearing his answer.

“A gambler, terrified to lose. That’s new,” you smiled, your fingers brushed his hair back to see his face, tired yet comforted.

“I don’t gamble on our relationship, feel free to use me or stab me in the back if that’s what you want,” he leaned forward, closing the gap between your face and his.

“But for you, I’m not afraid to be on the losing side,” he muttered against your lips, before pressing his own against yours to seal the deal.

[enhadiares]

Hiiiii ❤️ Little request 🥰👉👈

can you do Enha Jay # mafia something like that it's kinda rare to find fics like that

love your fics so much sorry if i bothered you

🕷️A/N: IM SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO ANSWER YOU I REALLY AM 😭🙏 I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME AND LIKE THIS ☹️☹️ I'll make a part of this if people like it and make it more yandere.

CHANCE

🕷️Warning: YANDERE THEMES , mentions of gun shot

🕷️ Pairing: mafia!Jay × doctor!reader

🕷️Synopsis:In the heart of a bustling city, Dr. (Reader) a renowned surgeon known for her unwavering commitment to saving lives, finds herself entangled in an unexpected situation when a notorious mafia leader, Jay Park, is brought into her emergency room, bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound and what's worse is that , he gets obessed with her.

It was a usual day for (reader). The sun shining brightly, doing it's job perfectly showcasing her . How she was at her workplace again right on time . Very punctual indeed. With being punctual (reader) was also very hardworking.

She's a doctor at the be:lift hospital. She loves her job . It gives her a sense of comfort knowing she helps people heal , maybe there's a chance that she would save someone from dying.

Life is a very valuable thing which you can get just once . There may be second chances and she's here to give people just that. Second chance to live their life again , this time while taking care of their mistakes , learning from them and not repeating them again.

Second chances , very fascinating and amusing aren't they? Some people get second chance while some don't , it's upon fate .

Back to (reader) , she had just completed an operation successfully , saving yet another life. She felt at ease knowing she gave someone another chance to live .

Suddenly her peace was interrupted by loud noises , people were screaming in a hospital? Oh how rude - she thought. She was going to go stop them and ask why they were screaming in a hospital in the first place , they should know that it might disturb the patients.

But just as she was about to open the door she heard footsteps , they were getting louder as seconds passed by implying that someone was coming towards her . They also sounded like they were in a hurry . Maybe someone is very serious! - a thought crossed her mind and without any further ado she opened the door only to be my by 6 men , all in a similar attire : a black shiny and shimmery blazer , colour like that of a black hole with shining black boots where one could see their reflection. Upon studying their faces , she could sense they were panicking.

“Are you the doctor? Hurry up , he got shot!” one of the guy stated. He looked young yet authoritative, like he had some power.

(Reader) quickly nodded , it was about someone's life! She has to save him. She called out for some nurses and took the injured patient to the operation ward while the other waited outside for them.

He got shot? How would he get shot? He isn't dressed up like a cop. Is he a criminal? Her eyes widen at the thought but she wasn't sure about the assumption she's making . Should she prioritize saving the life of a potential criminal , or adhere strictly to her oath as a healer?

As Dr. L/n and her team work tirelessly to stabilize the patient's condition, tension fills the air. The presence of the person's six brothers, each with a intimidating aura as his own, looms over the hospital.

As the operation progresses, Dr. L/n is faced with unexpected challenges. The bullet has caused severe damage, and the patient's condition deteriorates rapidly. Despite her expertise, she fears that his chances of survival are slim.

With time running out, Dr. l/n makes a bold decision. Drawing upon all her skills and determination, she pushes herself to the limit, refusing to give up on her patient. In a high-stakes gamble, she performs a risky procedure that could either save the patient's life or seal his fate.

As the operation reaches its critical moment, a hush falls over the operating room. Every second feels like an eternity as Dr. L/n and her team fight to wrestle the patient back from the brink of death.

Finally, the monitors beep with renewed vigor, signaling a glimmer of hope. Against all odds, his heart begins to beat steadily once more, and his breathing stabilizes.

The surgery is a success.

A sigh of relief escapes her as she removes her mask to breath properly.

----

She goes out to inform the six individuals outside the room , awaiting for their companion to be saved.

“The surgery was a success. The patient is out of danger now”

She could hear multiple sighs of relief. They all felt like they could finally breath again , their tensed shoulders relaxed a bit after hearing the good news.

“You'll have to come with me now , I have some questions to ask" said Dr. l/n . She needed to know what exactly caused this.

“We need to see hyung first” the young yet intimidating guy proclaims.

“sure this way , but only two of you can enter as we can not have he patient feeling overwhelmed” (reader) sighs yet expresses her duties.

“I"ll go check on him guys” states the young guy

“I"ll accompany you !" Another voice asserts . He looked mature , maybe he is the eldest .

Dr l/n leads the way to the operating room where he patient lies . Upon reaching the guys rush towards him while she stays back just to observe.

Meanwhile Jay finally regained his consciousness back and opened his eyes , to be met with a sight of an angel , or so he thought.

Was he already in heaven? Oh he can't be with the number of crimes he has committed. So who is this angel like individual?

Upon seeing his eyes open , the other two individuals rush towards him.

“Jay! Are you okay?” questions the elder guy

Oh so his name is Jay - thinks (reader)

The younger one hits him “ofcourse he is not fine heeseung hyung , would you be fine if you were shot?”

“I'm just trying to be caring Jungwon!”

There goes their introduction too.

Despite the chaos and danger that surrounds him, Jay is captivated by her grace and skill, feeling a stirring within him that he's never experienced before.

As Jay awakens in the recovery room, his thoughts are consumed by Dr. L/n . Entranced by her beauty and kindness, he becomes obsessed with the idea of making her his own, convinced that she is the one who can bring light into his dark world afterall she's the one who brought him back to life right?

Jay is occupied with the thoughts of his newfound obsession, but his is brought back to reality by his two companions inquiring about his condition. To which he replies that it's fine because he can't seem to focus on anything else than the angel standing infront of his eyes.

He's observing her - Her beautiful face as if carved especially by God , every inch of her face and body screams perfection to him. Her shiny black lucious hair which turns brownish under the lights , her small button nose , or her eyes - she possesses brown almond-shaped eyes, framed delicately by medium-length eyelashes that accentuate her gaze. Her lips, adorned with a soft shade of pink, exude a subtle allure, adding a touch of warmth to her features.

Oh he was down bad for her . Was this what people refer to as love at first sight?

A knock interrupts all their activities.

“We all need you outside , the patient needs to rest and we need your statement” says a nurse

They bid their byes and inform him that he'll be out soon but all he can think about is how to get his hands on his angel and make her his.

----

The interrogation is stopped. The individuals were influential people and so they can do whatever they wished and they did not wish for this information to be out so they hushed everyone with their power. They wanted jay to be safe so they commanded for him to be shifted at their house where a doctor would help him if needed and fortunately for Jay , (reader) was chosen since she operated on him.

----

The next day , Jay is shifted to the nursery that is located in his big mansion. (Reader) was surprised at how big the mansion was , so they were rich rich.

Upon entering she also noticed alot of individuals wearing black blazer with guns in their hands . Were they that rich that they needed bouncers? The girl thought .

She helped Jay get comfortable and brought him lunch in time . While feeding him , she decided to interrogate him personally, maybe he could provide her with some information.

(Reader): Mr. Jay, can you recount the events leading to your injury?

Jay: It was a confrontation with a rival organization. We were negotiating a business deal when things turned violent.

(Reader): Were there any specific triggers that escalated the situation?

Jay: It seemed like a premeditated ambush. They were armed and ready when we arrived at the meeting point.

(Reader): Did you have any indication of hostility prior to the encounter?

Jay: Not explicitly, but tensions have been escalating between our groups for some time.

(Reader): I see. And how did you manage to escape the altercation?

Jay: I made a split-second decision to flee when the gunfire erupted, sustaining this injury in the process.

(Reader) : and what exactly do you do if I may ask?

Jay: You'll get know soon.

He expressed making (reader) frown . Why is it not the right time? What does he do that can't be spoken casually? Her thoughts are interrupted when someone comes barging in the room.

“Jay hyung I'm glad you are alright, we are planning to make them regret their actions by acquiring their company and killing them”

Her eyes widen at the word killing that the younger individual just slipped so casually. Was she in danger? Are these criminals?

“You should really read the room and check your surroundings before you speak Niki” said Jay rather calmly .

“i know I said soon but i didn't know it would be this soon , but now you know I guess. I am Jay Park - a mafia , a criminal or whatever your vocabulary describes individuals like me, but don't be scared , we won't harm you” he said with a eeire smile

All the words went from one ear and escaped through another , all (reader) heard was that he's a mafia. Confused and terrified, she finds herself thrust into a nightmare as Jay reveals his true identity but she knew better , she needed to act smartly and calmly. She took a deep breath .

“That's none of my business Jay , although I'm glad that I'm reassured about my safety”

Despite her initial fear, she senses a vulnerability within him so she doesn't ponder further . Niki mutters an apology and quickly leaves before he gets yelled at.

“I"ll be leaving tomorrow either way” speaks yn

“No you're not” Jay replies casually as if it was supposed to be common sense

“Umm yes I am , a nurse would be replacing me tomorrow” She filled him in with the necessary information

“No you won't ever be leaving me , this is your house from now on”

Her eyes widen at the words that left his mouth but later she started laughing.

“Omg you had me there Jay , I must say . You have a great sense of humour” she stopped laughing when she noticed Jay's face remained monotonous and serious . No sign of humour could be sensed from him.

“you're joking right?” questions yn in disbelief

“Whatever you want to think but you aren't going anywhere . If you can't piece it together , I'll piece it out for you . I love you and now you are mine ”

Would reader give Jay a chance ? Or would he need a second chance?

[starillusion13]

Am I late?

Pairing: roommate! Mark x f! reader (ft. bff Haechan & Mark's brother Taeyong)

Genre: Fluff, slight angst, mafia

Warning: getting lost in an unknown place, missing your best friend (lol), having fever, confession, confusion of feelings, secrets and heartbroken. idk what warnings should I give when the story has none.

W.C: 7.3k Network: @k-vanity

Basically I was drunk when I wrote this(not really), I just love Mark too much and I was drooling over him most of the time instead of writing the fic. I had totally kept this fic aside to write down the NCT series (tbh I forgot I had this in my draft). the thought for this plot only came to mind after I had saved all the pics from the day of the third picture above so dont judge the fic too hard.

“Yeah, I have reached the place. You can cut the call, Hyuck.”

You smiled into the call and stood in front of the new building, titling your head back to look at the tall view. The buildings towering over you and you swore that was what you really expected when you decided to move to states for your university. But leaving Haechan behind all alone back in your home town was miserable.

“But how am I supposed to know that you are safe out there?” he asked you and coughed a little.

“Hyuck. Are you sick?” your worried tone made him smile and he hugged the pillow tighter. Curling on his bed, he pressed the phone to his ears. The only source which felt like you are still with him. even if you were far away from his embrace, he could still feel your warmth. As if just a second ago, you last hugged him and bid goodbye. it’s been a day when he last saw you in person and don’t know again when he would get the chance.

“just a little. Leave that for now and tell me. Is the place safe for you?”

You were still worried as you were always the one who took care of him and now you were not there, how will that clumsy ass take care of his own?

You sighed into the call, “this place is safe for outsiders and I have a roommate. I can tell him if I feel unsafe about anything. Don’t worry, please. I want you to take care of yourself until I go back there again. I want you to be healthy and fine…for me. Please.”

“For you, I am always fine.” He chuckled and added, “Also, I have to take care of myself as you are not here like always. I will miss you a lot. Better take care and if your roommate disturbs you for anything. Just call me and-“

“and? We are far away, Hyuck. Don’t forget that you can’t come to me anytime you want like before.” You sadly chuckled, pulling your bag towards your block and looking around. Arriving in front of the lift, you were still smiling.

“y/n…you will not forget me, right?” his voice was low and almost sounded like a whisper. He was trying hard to hold back his tears.

You bit your lips, “go to sleep, Hyuck. It’s already late at night.”

“I want to hear your voice more.” He mumbled to himself but still you heard it. You chuckled and pressed the button for the 9th floor.

“Bye. I need to get into the lift and then survive the rest of the day. Please, take medicines and rest. You have to go to work tomorrow.”

He hummed, “Bye……I l-“

You cut the call before getting inside the call. But on the other side of the call, a tear fell from his eyes.

I love you, Y/n.

.

.

.

*Ding*

Stumbling upon the things scattered on the floor, the boy rushed towards the door. He was rubbing his eyes and without looking into the peephole, he swung open the door, revealing you standing at the doorway awkwardly. He frowned at you and looked around to grasp the situation.

Why was a girl standing at his footsteps and even with luggage?

He scratched his neck and smiled, “um…you?”

You were still shocked with the image in front of you. You gulped at the sight and when you caught his sleepy eyes, you looked away. Can’t he understand? You mentally prayed for him to get away from there but a second voice made the man in front of you look back inside the room.

“ Is this your new chick?” he yawned and eyed your bags, obviously checking you out in the way. He smirked and went towards the table, a little visible to you. As far as you were told, you have one roommate then why there’s two of them?

The boy with round eyes and a smiley face in front of you was staring at the boy at the table and then turned towards you, “hello! Do I know you? Do you need some help?”

You blinked a few times and checked the apartment No. and it was the right one. You gulped and before you could speak, the other boy with red hair appeared behind him and slid his arm around the boy at the door, “Mark, put on a shirt. She is obviously flustered.”

The boy named Mark looked down at himself, only in a trouser and blushed. He excused himself quickly to jog towards the bedroom while the other boy suddenly held your chin and made eye contact with yours, “so, what’s your purpose to be here?”

“I…I am going to live here.”

He smirked, “that easily? You think I will allow this?” as soon as he heard noise, he left your chin and stepped back.

You blinked and before you could reply to him, Mark came back and laughed, “Oh…I’m so sorry to keep you waiting outside for this long. Please come inside.” He slapped the other boy’s arm and gestured towards the bags. He pulled a trolley bag and the other one was still held by you. You forced a smile when the other boy smiled towards you and took the one from you.

Mark and him placed all your bags beside the table and sighed, “Taeyong, she is my new roommate. Meet her.”

Taeyong raised a brow at him and turned towards you before nodding, “a girl? Mark, don’t be freaky again like that. You can’t stay with her. I’m not allowing this.”

“No. It’s not like that. We are going to the same university and she is an international student. I was searching for a roommate to kill the boredom and she was searching for an accommodation and well, it's good we found each other.” He smiled towards you at the end of the statement.

Freaky again? Not like that? What does he mean?

Taeyong didn’t know what to say more but just nodded and sighed. He stepped away from the living room and disappeared behind a door. You were staring at the now closed door and didn’t notice the boy who placed a hand on your shoulder. When he noticed you flinching to his touch, he quickly apologized and stepped back, chuckling awkwardly.

“I am the roommate with whom you contacted.” He held his hand forward for a handshake. You stared at it and then at his face when he raised his brows to which you just smiled and shook his hands. “your name? ah…wait..oh shit…”

“y/n.” you said quietly.

“Sorry I am bad at remembering names.”

Taeyong came back into the living room when Mark guided you towards the couch and offered you a glass of water.  He looked at you and then at Mark, “don’t pretend to be like this Mark. You better know that’s not you.” He turned towards you, “the way he is acting towards you, just to let you know he is nothing like that.”

Nothing like that…

“Taeyong, if you don’t want to be late for the meeting then I suppose you should leave.” Mark said a bit annoyedly. The latter chuckled and grabbed an apple from the table and winked towards you before closing the apartment door behind him.

“Who is he?” you were still staring at the door and the same question running across your mind.

Mark scoffed before taking the glass from you and placing it near the sink, “my brother.”

You turned towards him, who was busy searching through a plastic bag on the counter, “is he going to stay here?”

He laughed and shook his head, “no way. I’m not living with him any day. He was just here last night because he fought with his friend and no girl let him inside the house. Just stay away from him and don’t let his actions bother you. I hope he didn’t make you feel weird for anything.”

His words for sure did confuse you.

 Mark’s eyes were round and curious when he asked you about your situation. You slightly shook your head even though you were weirded out about his brother’s earlier actions. Does he come here often? If Haechan hears about this then it's not going to be good as he would definitely find a way to create a scene with these two.

“You can freshen up. I will find a way to bring some breakfast for us.” He pointed towards the closed door, just opposite to the door earlier where he and his brother went inside, “that’s your room. The washroom is just in the corner behind that wall beside.”

 You nodded and got up to walk towards your room, “um…thank you.”

“hey, we are now friends and also roommates. No need to thank me.” he laughed awkwardly and you smiled.

“still I wanted to say this.”

.

.

.

The sunlight from the window kissing your face tenderly. Worn out, you sighed and covered your face, blocking the sunlight that shined on your weary eyes. Groaning, you turned off the phone and leaned back into the chair. You heard some shuffle sounds from behind but knowing who the person is, a smile crept on your face.

He is back home.

Don’t think otherwise, you just love to spend time with him a lot and it’s really boring to be alone at home and him staying out for too long.

You got up from the chair in the balcony and walked inside the doors. You couldn’t see his face because his back was towards you and he was in a racer jacket and a flower bouquet beside him.

Does he have a girlfriend?

The closer you got, the more things you noticed on the counter top. A bouquet, a greetings card and a gift box. Someone gave it to him or he is going to give it to someone? Curiously, you walked in and leaned on the wall to get a closer look. Just to stare at him. It's been one month that you are living with him under the same roof. Strangers to friends. That’s how your relationship developed between you two. That’s really a great development in just a month.

He was yet to notice you standing just a few feet away and staring at him. He was totally immersed into the phone, might be texting his girlfriend or some issues might be up with him. your eyes followed his side profile. His pretty nose bridge with thin cute lips with curved brows and black hair disheveled and his each twitch of the nose making his veins prominent on the crane of the neck, disappearing behind his jacket’s collar. His racer gloved palms scratched the jawline and you were somehow getting attracted to him.

His eyes are so pure.

Oh..wait…he is looking at you.

“y/n?” he smiled , running his fingers through his hair.

You licked your lips, “are you going somewhere?” you didn’t dare to look at him again, ignoring his obvious gaze on you, you stepped towards the refrigerator to take a bottle of water. You could hear him chuckle but then he placed his phone aside. You were mentally cursing yourself for him to catch you checking him out.

“yeah. Later in the evening. Not now. Do you need something?”

You drank a little and shook your head, answering politely, “no. just curious.”

He stood up, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair, “I know I just came back but there’s something that came up. I hope you don’t mind me staying out for too long.”

Why is he asking you? It doesn’t like that you would be bothered by it and you have a say in this. He is just your roommate and he can do anything so there’s no reason for him to ask your opinion but it’s a good gesture from him.

“It's okay.” You eyed the things on the counter, he noticed your curiosity, “ I hope your date goes well.”

Confused, he creased his brows, “date?” then something clicked his mind when you gestured towards the things, he laughed again. He laughs a lot. “That's not mine. My brother told me to buy these things. Soon he would be coming to take these things and don’t know which girl he is going to give fake promises to.”

He said the words so nonchalantly. Do they not care about others' feelings? You felt sorry for that unknown girl. In this one month, you already got a grasp of his brother’s behavior and you simply hate him. but hearing Mark and his brother’s slight indication of his different personality makes you lost in thought. Is Mark also like him?

You gave him a muddled smile and drank the water again. But before you could place the bottle down, he grabbed it from your hand and started drinking from it. You gulped when you noticed how his Adam's apple poked attractively and few water droplets sliding down his smooth skin of the throat. What the hell are you thinking?

You shook off your thoughts, exited the kitchen and continued to grab your things from the chair in the balcony. You could feel him trailing behind you, close enough to know his presence. You casted a glance at him long enough to admire his handsome features standing in a black tee with black pants with zippers designed all over.

“y/n-“

“ I will be in my room for a while. You…you can speak to me later.” You hurriedly walked inside your room, closing your door, you decided to lie back in bed and blankly stared at the ceiling. You dialed a very familiar number which is always on the top and pressed the phone to your ears. Not after a full three rings, someone eagerly picked up your call.

“Hey! Did you just ditch me for the past weeks? Is your roommate so special to you now?”

You chuckled, “Hyuck…stop being dramatic. It’s not like that. I was busy with my university in this new place and he is helping me out a lot.”

“as he should. And…how are you, y/n?” he asked you in a low voice.

You sighed, “Haechan…” he hummed on the other side. He was breathing heavily hearing his name from your mouth, even though it's through the device yet he was having a warm feeling in his heart. You called him by his name, not just the nickname. But he also knew, that means you were thinking about something.

“what is it, y/n?”

“What's falling in love, Haechan?”

“Are you asking me? Are you in love?” coz I am with you…

You rolled your eyes, “just tell me, please.”

He hesitated and why would he not because it’s like you asked him to describe his feelings and situation with you. He gulped and looked over at the picture of you two in a frame hanging on his wall, “love is complicated.”

“how?”

“falling in love with someone is very easy. Too easy, just like falling on a slippery floor. Even if you try to grab for support yet you will fall. But the realization and the acceptance is the complicated part. You don't realize how and why you have fallen but somehow you love the feeling of love. You will feel lost and confused but at the same time there will be fear. A fear of losing the person or how to let the person know about it.” He sighed.

“and?”

“Even if you wanted to say your feelings to the person, to let the person a part of your dreamy thoughts yet you would step back in the fear of rejection. Sometimes a person falls in love already knowing that they won’t get a happy ending and it’s forbidden but still they do. They do fall in love. Sometimes you love to see that person happy so if it means you want to have them then also just let them go…just to let them be happy.”

“But what about the person who is falling in love?” you blinked, waiting for his response but he was silent. You called his name a few times but there were just some faint sounds and before you could call out his name again, he whispered your name.

“y/n… don’t hesitate to confess when there’s still time so you don’t have to regret later.”

“Do you have regrets?”

“No.”

Yes. but he still has time.

“You sound like you have fallen in love, hyuck.” Yes. It’s because I have. I am in love.

“y/n…I-“

You told him to pause a second when your conversation got interrupted by a few knocks on the door, “yeah?”

“It's me. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” You answered him and said in the call, “Mark is here. I will talk to you later.”

You cut the call quickly and tossed the phone to your side. Mark entered inside your room and looked around, “this room looks so neat and heavenly.”

You smiled, “thank you. I’m not like you who can’t keep his room tidy even for a whole minute.”

He protested quickly, “hey!” but quickly joined your laughing. He was again wearing the biker jacket and now holding the helmet in his arm and a blue bouquet in another hand.

“Are you here in my room for a reason?”

He nodded, “I’m leaving now and won’t be home until night. I will order some food for you and don’t worry, if anyone rings the bell then don’t open the door. Just call me quickly.” He looked at you seriously and when you just nodded, he raised a brow, “answer me, y/n. let me know that you heard me clearly.”

Did he just talk with you in a demanding way? Did he just ask for an answer? Are you hearing right? You stared at him and noticed him walking closer to you. You took a step back and then paused. No, what is he doing? You can just shout right now. Your back of the knee hit the bed but you stood strong, but your legs were weak under his intense gaze, he held your chin and fingers gazing over your cheeks. His leather gloves brushed against your skin when he made you look up, “please be safe for me.”

That’s how he left you dumbfounded after giving you a smile and walking out of the door.

People should also take permission before leaving the room just like when entering it. You kept staring at the space from where he just left.

What are you thinking, y/n? It's nothing. Haechan also says the same thing every time.

.

.

.

“where are you?”

You were scared and the way the person on call was near to yelling was making it worse. You scanned the surroundings and obviously no one was familiar in sight and your heart beat picking up with every little sound. It’s a cat or maybe a different animal. Yeah nothing more. Ghost? Far better than those creepy people. You were convincing yourself with these thoughts and now you were lost.

Earlier you were on a call with Hyuck when you parted ways with your university friends. It’s late in the evening as your five friends thought that it would be nice to spend some time after the exams got over and so you decided to go for a pub time. Everything was cool until one got a call from her boyfriend and two boys leaving for a club with their other friends, leaving you with Sera. She urged you to bring you to your place but you waved it off and bid goodbye.

You didn’t notice that there was a lack of transportation and you were all alone, few people staring at you. You scolded yourself for not taking someone’s help and so to avoid the fear of being alone, you dialed Hyuck’s number and started walking.

“Are you okay?”

The moment he heard your voice, he panicked. He didn’t know what to do but he swore he was going mad and worried for you. You typed the location in your GPS tracking but it’s not working. How could you be so irresponsible to not notice that you walked to an unknown neighborhood and then you were lost. But while being on the call and it was almost thirty minutes of being homeless, you got calls from Mark.

Why is he calling you? Maybe he needs something on the way back home?

And the moment you picked up the call, you were greeted with a groan and ‘where are you?’

“mark…”

“Tell me the address.” He demanded the full address where you went with your friends but still he couldn’t brush off the feelings of uneasiness. Why was he feeling like that? Oh. The address seems familiar. Wait, he knows this place. you are at a risky place. If only he would have known, he could have warned you. “listen to me. if there’s a place to hide nearby, hide there. I’ll be there soon and won't talk to anyone.”

“Mark…please come soon. I’m scared.” You clutched your bag tightly towards you and sweat visibly lining on your forehead.

He nodded, “I’m coming. Wait for me.”

And he did. He kept his promise.

At first you didn’t recognize the person on the bike. He was wearing a helmet. You were hiding behind a wooden fence. Yeah, not a good place to hide but still you didn’t have any other option so it was better to stay quiet and hide in the shadows. You thought the biker to be some kind of creepy dude but when your gaze fell on the familiar biker jacket he was wearing and then he called out your name.

“y/n! y/n…are you here?”

He got off the bike and took off his helmet to look around. There was no sight of you and you quickly ran towards him, back-hugging him and pressing your face to his back. “Mark.”

He looked down to the arms wrapped around him and caressed it when he found the grip tightened around his torso. He firmly held your hand and loosen your hold to turn around and engulf you in a hug. “it’s okay, y/n. I’m here.” Stroking your back and head, he ensured your safety.

Upon realizing the situation you were in, you parted yourself and tugged your hair back, “I’m sorry, I made you worried. I was reckless not to notice and got myself into danger.” He licked his lips and patted your head, noticing a slight hesitation in you. Is he crossing his border? Are you uncomfortable with him?

“don’t say sorry. Let’s go home. It’s not safe here.”

You were still looking down and nodded. He went towards the bike, holding your hand in his grip.

“get on quickly.” He said and put on the helmet again. You haven’t seen him ride a bike ever in these six months, you have only come across him while parking it in the parking area of the university or the apartment.

“Is it safe?” you asked quietly.

He laughed, the sound was muffled by his helmet. He swiped the face shield up and craned his neck to look at you, your scared pupils reflecting the street light staring back at him. He flicked the retention and put off the helmet just to get it on your head. You let out a surprise sound, “what are you doing?”

“making sure that you are safe.” He tightened the retention strap and smiled at you.

“What about you?” you raised your hand to undo the strap but he held your hand, “I don’t need. Your safety is more important.” Before you could speak anything more, he swiped down the face shield, shuttin you up and smirked.

He was still staring at you, there were some unspoken words behind those eyes. Some feelings which he himself wasn’t even sure about. He wanted to understand them and he was desperate to realize the meaning of them. The silence between you two broke because of the ring from your phone. You both glanced at the screen ‘Hyuck’.

The question hit Mark- Is he late? Or he never had any chance from the start?

“Who is he?”

Your gaze returned to his face, “my best friend.”

Best Friend…still a step ahead. Because he is just a friend or maybe even not.

“call him after we reach home. Now get on the bike.”

You knew Haechan was probably worried and that’s why he was calling to know your condition but also, you had to go home and you don’t want to speak on a call while riding a bike. You waited for the call to end and mount over the bike behind him. you didn’t know where to hold…his shoulders…his biceps…his torso-

“Is it your first time?” he asked you, meeting your gaze through the rear mirror. You shook your head, “no. I have been with Hyuck on bikes a lot.”

Look. He has already given her bike rides. Not one. But a lot.

Mark, you are late.

He gripped your wrists tightly wrapped around his torso, as if securing the tight knot. He felt your head resting against his back and a little smile appeared on his lips. You are comfortable with him and

“Thanks for coming, Mark.”

And you are thankful.

.

.

.

It’s been almost a year staying with him and your finals are nearing.

Something really changed the relationship between you two after that day.

Mark became a bit too flirty and of course, you didn’t complain. You were enjoying his company and well, a warm blanket of feelings was surrounding you these days.

Well, now whenever you are going out anywhere other than the university class timings. Sometimes if it’s too far or in the evening, he would convince you to give you a ride to the place and would call you when it’s time to return.

The thought of staying with a boy was a bit icky with you.

You had different imaginations regarding staying together. But to the positive point, you both were compatible with each other. Even sometimes more than you both wanted. He treats you in a way as if he knows you for too long. His friendliness really makes you wonder why Taeyong said not to trust his brother’s attitude. You haven’t found anything unusual yet.

Groaning you woke up from your sleep, your head was paining and your body felt so weak. You felt your body heating up for some reason and your eyes felt heavy. Your hands wandered to the bedside nightstand but your bottle was missing. Oh, you have mistakenly left it on the kitchen counter. You were so tired after returning home that you didn’t care to eat or clean your room and chose to somehow freshen up and go to sleep.

But the sleep didn’t last too long and now you are feeling sick. Managing to stand on your feet and walk towards the door, supporting yourself to nearby things in your grasp. Occasionally you were rubbing your forehead and stepped out of the room. The night lamps on the ceilings were on because there were times you both tripped over a few things at night so it was better to keep them on so that the dim lights could atleast help you.

The bottle was half filled and when you picked it up, you felt the world spinning around you. Taking a seat on the stools, you quickly drank the water and sighed in the end. You glanced at the door --- Mark is sleeping there. You should not make noise to disturb him. you placed the bottle back on the marbled top and extended your hands above the place and rested your head on top of them. You were repeating to yourself to have medicines but didn’t have the energy to do so. You closed your eyes, feeling the cold sensation of the marbles against your warm skin. you could hear the front door open and close but you shrugged it off with the thought that you might be imagining things or hearing things.

If there's a risk of someone attacking, you felt like dying from this fever before that.

A cold hand touched your forehead and brushed your hairs away from your face, “you are having fever, y/n.”

I know.

You nodded and hid your face into your arms. Not actually hearing what the person is saying to you. Was the person talking to you or might be with someone else or might be on a call-

“can you hear me, y/n?” oh, he is talking to you.

You hummed.

He lifted you up from the stool and held you in his arms, caressing your head and rested it on his chest. You managed to open your eyes to look at the person, unconsciously you smiled at the very familiar eyes to which the person returned the same gesture, “Mark…”

“yes. It’s me. don’t speak if you don’t want to.”

“but-“

“shh..let’s get to your room.”

You didn’t say a word just rubbing your forehead and he did notice it. He got you inside the room, putting you on the bed and sitting beside your head, to massage your forehead. He asked you about your medicine box and he was quick enough to bring a thermometer and medicine for fever. You quickly had it and closed your eyes when your head hit the mattress.

“where were you?” you asked him while still closing your eyes.

He was staring at you and caressed your head, “just somewhere.”

“Are you hiding something from me?”

He gulped, not knowing how to reply to you but somehow few words escaped his mouth, “No. it’s nothing. You don’t have to know about it. Go to sleep.” He held his palm over your eyes.

“Did you go to meet someone?” you held his wrist and looked at him. “I am just curious.”

“look…it’s nothing like that.”

“Why are you hesitating to tell me? I won’t get mad or query for an explanation. You can do anything, just I wanted to know if you are okay or in trouble.” You said slowly.

He shook his head and brushed back his hairs in frustration and held your cheek, “but I want you to get mad at me if I go to meet someone. I want you to feel jealous and ask me questions when you doubt me. I want you to wait for me and call me when you are in danger. I want to feel that my world is you. I love you, y/n.”

The sudden confession really worked as a miracle to your headache as it suddenly disappeared and then your shocked eyes met his desperate gaze. A gaze that’s saying you more words than his mouth did. You weakly held his hand, feeling his touch against your skin.

“Mark. Are you okay?”

He inhaled sharply before shaking his head and stroked your head before standing up.

“where are you going?”

“go to sleep, y/n. just forget what I said.” His quick steps led him to the door and before he could step out, he paused and turned around to find you were still looking at him, “Good-night.” Then he closed the door behind him.

If he really cared for your fever then he shouldn’t have said those things. Did you hear him right? You are not dreaming right? He said he loves you. And you?

‘don’t wait longer.’

‘don’t hesitate to confess…when there’s still a chance.’

Hyuck’s words were flooding your brain but before you could dwell on the thought more, your droopy eyes closed in slumber and the night fell low.

.

.

.

“Mark…wait.”

He flinched hearing your sudden voice from his back. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt with a red wide border running across over his chest horizontally.

“yeah?”

“Are you leaving again?” you glanced at the clock, “so late at night.”

“Why are you still awake? Go back to sleep. You have university classes tomorrow.” He gestured towards your room and you shook your head. Approaching him, you stared deep into his eyes.

“Please tell me. Are you okay? We haven’t talked properly after that night and I have so much to ask you but here you are ignoring me and running away. We should talk. You and me.”

He licked his lips and raised a brow, “do you want to come with me?”

“where?”

“somewhere. The place I go to every night.” He waited for your reply. He noticed your eyes, contemplating the choice but suddenly you blurted out.

“take me there with you.”

And he did.

Fresh cold air hitting your face and your hair flowing with the wind. A bright smile illuminating your face and you were hugging him tightly. Whenever he tried to slow down, you shouted to turn up the speed and he likely did listen to you. He was smiling, watching you through the rear view. Neither of you were wearing a helmet, well that’s not a good idea but both of you debated against each other who should wear and ended up leaving the helmet behind. The only thing you said before getting on the bike was, “I feel safe with you.”

“and we will be safe when we are together.” Everytime he ensured your safety.

Reaching the place, you were confused yet you got off the bike and looked around. There was a car parked in the distance and two men were leaning against it. Mark parked the bike to the side of the bridge and patted your head, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

You grabbed his forearm, “where are you going?”

“I’ll have a talk with them and return back. I promise. Wait for me.”

He walked towards the car and you squinted your eyes to get a better look. Mark greeted them with a hug and the shorter one hit his head jokingly and then you could hear laughs. The shorter one turned towards you and then you noticed that’s Taeyong, who waved at you but his smirk was not fully visible and the other one beside him still laughing was Jaehyun. You have seen him with Mark in a few pictures. What are they doing here?

The car drove in the other direction and Mark approached you.

“why are we here?”

He leaned forward to the cemented railing beside you and rested his elbows, clasping the palms together, “this place is special to me.”

“why?”

“coz I realized so many things.” He mumbled.

You mimicked his posture and stared at the sky, “and they are?”

“Do you know I’m not a regular citizen? You noticed my brother and Jaehyun earlier, we had a schedule today for a deal but I told him that I don’t want to get involved today.” He turned his head towards you, “I work as a spy and the fighter for the mafia gang which is led by my brother. I’m a messed up individual and this place is where it all started and ended.”

“you…you are a mafia member?”

He nodded, not knowing what to say more but still he wanted to clear his thoughts today. He will say everything to you. You wanted to talk and he will talk and will say everything to you as he can’t bottle up his feelings and emotions anymore.

Your phone vibrated again. It was vibrating for the last few minutes but you ignored it because something about Mark was hypnotizing and before you could look at the screen. Mark took away the phone and typed into something, you didn;t even protested against it. Are you so desperate for him?

He put the phone into his jeans pocket and returned his gaze to you.

“I never wanted to be a part of this but you know blood speaks faster than mind. My blood was to paint this shit in my life and somehow this intrigued me to dive deeper into this world. I started to love being in this world. It seemed I had everything but I was wrong. Even if I could get everything, I couldn’t get her.”

“who?” you were also surprised with your quick question.

“Sana.” he paused and then chuckled, “I loved her. I didn’t know what love was but she made me feel emotions which I had never felt before. She was always like a rainbow of hope and love but…it was all fake. She left me when she realized my secret. Can’t she accept me like this? That was the only thought left. I lost her and also a part of myself but…” he averted his eyes away. You could feel his body tensing up when you placed your hand above his. “but even if I’m like this, I'm a bad person. I want love too.”

“So you confessed to me to forget her?”

He shook his head before turning towards you, “I confessed to you because I felt safe with you. I felt I could vent to you after she left me hopeless in this place. But I don’t know if I’m able to protect you when I myself is the danger.”

You cupped his face, his fingers circling your wrist. He was leaning against your affectionate touch, “Mark. I feel safe with you too. I didn’t know about love and so I asked Hyuck about it and then I realized something that you don’t know how and when you will love someone but if you do it is because that’s the time you need it and the person would save you from the void.”

“don’t pity me. I just wanted to say this because you wanted to talk to me. you were curious where I went every night and returned home late. You were doubting me whenever I left university in a hurry. I don’t know but I just couldn’t see you in confusion and to feel that I am hiding something from you.”

You shook your head, “I am trying to embrace you. if you embrace the danger then it can’t hurt you.”

“don’t leave me like her.”

"Mark...it wasn't her fault either. She was obviously scared of the secret. You can see, I am taking this situation very logically but she was not ready to accept it. Maybe you both were not destined and it was better for her to leave, preventing some further complications."

"And are we destined?"

You were at a loss of words. Destined? It was easy to give lectures to others but when it came to you, you were hit with the same emotions as him.

"I don't know..." you trailed off.

He scoffed, "are you going to leave me too? Now you know me...the real me." He chuckled and stepped back, "wait...what am I even saying? We are not even friends. Hyuck is your best friend and if you have to choose someone then you would definitely choose him. You asked him about love and here I am trying to get what is already someone else’s.”

“No.'' You raised your voice and maintained eye contact with him. you stepped front to stand near him. “I am not his, Mark. Don’t think of this as if I’m trying to convince you but he is my best friend and he is special to me because I got him when I needed someone and he stayed with me. He proved to me every time that he is someone to me whom nobody can ever replace but you are a person who made me feel needed even when I had everything.”

“What am I to you?”

“what do you want to be?” you asked confidently.

“your home where you will be safe and where I feel safe with you.” His palm rested on your cheek and you closed your eyes and inhaled.

He tugged a strand of hairs behind your ear, scanning your every little twitch of your facial expression. You are really his dream girl and his safe place. Even if this cruel and harsh world is incomparable to your innocence, he always makes sure to keep you safe with him. He never realized that he could love someone after Sana but something in you pulled him and can’t help but he fell in love with you.

Is it love?

“What's love?”

“Are you asking me?” hearing his question, you parted your eyelids and nodded.

You smiled and held his wrist with both of your hands, “you said I asked about it to Hyuck then you tell me. Now, I’m asking you.”

“To me…Love is you. But I can’t explain. I want to show you. To show how different you make me see things and feel them.”

You chuckled, “you suck at explaining.”

“The possibility to show my explanation in action is gonna be better for you.” He laughed and his fingers caressed your face.

“mark…”you whispered his name, making him nod and urging you to speak more. “I love you.”

“I love you too, y/n. Just trust me.”

“I will. Always.”

He licked his lips before asking slowly, “Can I be your boyfriend?”

As soon as you nodded, he engulfed you in a hug and kissed your head, smiling and nuzzling his nose into your hair. His one hand holding the back of your head and the other caressing your back. Your arms wrapped around his body tightly and pressing your head against his chest.

The thing you didn’t notice was that a boy was standing in the distance behind you, watching you two for a while. His tight fist and clenched jaw, anger bubbling inside him and hot tears running down his cheeks, as if he wanted revenge for something or maybe he wanted something which was slipping from his hand.

Mark caught the gaze of the boy who was glaring at him and as the boy was about to take a step ahead towards both of you, Mark asked you without breaking eye contact with the boy, “Am I late, y/n?”

“No.”

The boy halted in his steps, a tear fell from his eyes. 

A Tear of losing.

Mark smirked and kissed your head, hovering his lips a little longer. When he felt you pulling back, he averted his eyes from him to you and smiled affectionately.

The sweetest smile you have seen.

“Let's go home.”

He nodded and kissed your forehead. He intertwined his fingers with yours and turned around to walk towards the bike. You asked for your phone from the pocket and convinced Mark to click a picture of your hands holding each other but somehow the phone fell from your grasp. You bent down to pick it up and glanced towards the other way and could see a boy walking away in the darkness of the lonely road.

The familiar back. The way he was walking and your favorite flower in his hand. A certain person came across your mind and you felt a tug in your heart. Is that him?

“Haechan…” you whispered to yourself.

Tears were helplessly running down his cheeks while walking away and he clutched the flower tightly, “I am late, y/n.”

“I couldn’t save you from the danger you stepped in.”

[Anyways he is MY MAN 🎀] both Hyuck and Mark😉

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated. Spread love not hate.

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn @meowmeeps @vtyb23 @haechansbbg @corneliarstreet

[open!]

[weirdsht]

"Would u like to hear me yap about regressor!reader x cale? (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡ or not? ^⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠^" "If it's a fic prompt why not? 👀"

OKKKKK 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 .

Ughhh imagine Cale and the gang with someone who regressed because of them and they had no clue about it. In the 1st timeline, everything was fine, they meet the fam, do crazy things, and form relationships until they realized a lot of their companions get hurt or shockingly die. They were a transmigrator like Cale as well, they read the TCF novel, so they were heavily confused a lot of times when out of expectations scenarios happened. Like why are things that never happened in the TCF novel keep happening?

One time they died, then unexpectedly regressed to the starting line, like they came back to the place and age they first gained vision of the TCF world. They try to make everyone safe all while forming unbreakable bonds with her companions at heart.

Sooo in the end they find out that everything happened because of their existence. They were an anomaly, something that shouldn't mess with the original plotline for the journey of Cale Henituse and his family, so that was why they were the target, but somehow, their enemies end up causing harm to the wrong people a lot of times because they try to fight before reader can even lift a finger. Though, none of them know that every time reader dies by their enemy's hands, they regress to their own starting point before they meet everyone. Timeskip they end up dying again lol

In the third timeline, angst and shi, they avoid everyone since they were the main characters and they weren't her enemy's enemy. Thankfully, they survive until the end of the war.

Imagine reader and their loved ones meet again :(( they don't remember about them but somehow the gang keeps stumbling upon reader and they keep seeing weird scenarios and thoughts about reader which confuses them to the max (AND WHY IS READER VISIBLY AVOIDING THEM??? Sus) because they've never met this person before, especially Cale

Insert guilty as sin's "I'm seeing visions, am i bad or mad or wise?" LOLOL

If it's too long or u can't understand the shit i just spilled, it's ok to js keep this as an unanswered ask

I just like to yap and overshare 😭💟

Apparently Not - LoTCF & Regressor! Reader

tags: gender-neutral reader, regressor reader, vague novel spoilers, hurt/comfort (not sure if it hurts though), very loosely inspired by how orv uses the disconnected film theory

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read navi)

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The first time was confusing.

Scenarios that did not happen in the novel kept happening. For some reason despite Cale’s actions being mostly the same, the timeline has taken another course. Things did not go their way. It seems like the enemies are cunning too. They laid out plans that [name] had never read before. Their inadequacy caused the regressor to die at the hands of the magic spearman.

The second time was devastating.

[Name] thought that they got it this time. Thought that they had prepared enough even if things went south.

But why..?

Why is nothing going Cale’s way?

Why are they still losing?

Why is the sword of disaster piercing their heart?

Why are Raon’s teary eyes the last thing they could see before they die?

[Name] thought they were prepared. They thought that with the help of the original novel and their first regression, they could get through everything.

But that was not the case. Time and time again things that did not happen before kept happening. No matter what they did all the favours stack up to the White Star’s favour.

In the [Name] died whilst unable to do anything.

The third time felt like an enlightenment.

“Haa–!!”

Huff. Huff

[Name] woke up with a jolt. They could still feel the fiery sword piercing through their skin and bones. However, when they touch where they have been stabbed there’s nothing there. Their body was perfectly intact as if everything was merely a nightmare.

They must be back then. Back in the starting line. Back to the time when Cale and the others have not met the regressor yet.

‘If I don’t insert myself into the narrative maybe things will go according to the novel?’

Yeah, that must be it.

And so [name] did their best to blend in as a background character. Of course, they still helped behind the scenes. But they made sure to stay out of the spotlight. They have been better at doing that compared to Cale anyway.

They manage to both survive and not have any run-ins with what used to be their family for a long time. It hurt [name] to deliberately avoid the people they love the most, but it had to be done. They can’t be selfish for it will cause the world’s demise.

However, everything changed during the war against White Star.

“Have I met you somewhere before?”

Alberu asks them as they bump into each other after the battle on the Stan Territory. This sent [name] into a mild frenzy. Their original goal was to just weaken the enemies from the shadows, help free the prisoners and then disappear as they they never existed. But now they have come face-to-face with Alberu.

“I wasn’t aware that the rising sun of our kingdom was such a flirt.”

It took everything in the regressor to not cry. Just seeing the quarter-dark elf’s face was enough to make them emotional. Enough to make them remember all those late nights they have spent together talking. All the days they spent bonding over baking. All those talks they had about Cale being a headache.

Not able to take any more overwhelming emotion, [name] excused themself. Disappearing in the shadows once more. Leaving Alberu confused at the interaction.

That night Alberu had dreams of ranting all his dongsaeng problems to a certain regressor that he was sure he had never met before.

What [name] thought was a one-time thing became a frequent occurrence.

Choi Han, Raon, On, Hong, Ron, Beacrox, Rosalyn, Eruhaben…

[Name] kept running into them like a joke by fate.

As if the world wanted to rub it in their face that they could never be part of that family. That their presence will only bring them demise.

So every time they have a run-in with one of them they run away. They didn’t care if they looked like a frightened dog with its tail tucked between its legs. Didn’t care if the interaction always left the other party confused. Could not care if sometimes tears are pooling in their eyes when they have to turn their back once more.

That was until [Name] encountered Cale.

The one person they have been avoiding the most.

Others were fine. Sure it hurts having to run away from them but [name] can just cry it off for 2 nights and they’ll be able to function once more.

But not with Cale.

They can never run away from Cale.

Hence why silence lingered over them as they stared eye-to-eye. Both of them did not break eye contact even when a lone tear dripped on [name]’s cheek.

“I-I’m sorry I don’t know what’s gotten over me. I must’ve confused you for someone I know.”

[Name] tried to hastily wipe their tears as more flowed from their eyes. Their dam of emotions finally overflowed upon meeting Cale and there was nothing the regressor could do to stop it.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’ll get out of your way now.”

They couldn’t see the redhead’s expression due to their tears. However, they were sure he was looking at them weirdly. The mere thought of it hurts, but it’s not as if [name] could blame him since he didn’t know them

Thus why they are now trying to walk away from the situation.

Keyword being try.

How could they when Cale is holding onto their wrist? When he pulled them back in his direction to wipe their tears away?

“You must’ve suffered quite a bit.”

Cale mumbled in their hair as he let the regressor cry in his chest.

The action confused [name]. Cale was kind, but not this kind towards strangers.

“What do you–”

[Name] tried to ask but Cale shoved their face in his chest more to prevent them from speaking.

“[Name]... My records never lied to me. The moment I saw you, recordings of our past timeline resurfaced.”

Ah, so that’s why…

“Then you must also know why I went this route. Let me go…”

Please let me go before I lose my will to fight.

Please let me go before I fall for your warmth once more.

Please…

“No, your place is with us. Everything will work out this time. I promise.”

Cale stroked [name]’s hair. He has no plans of letting them be on their own again. They’re family, even if Cale has to flip the world upside-down just to make sure they will remain one.

“You’ve been away for long enough. Let’s go home now.”

[solarpunksoup]

PART 2: THE STEW

(aka a resource masterlist/archive from an amateur librarian)

LAST UPDATED NOVEMBER 11, 2024

PART 1: THE SOUP (disc. February 28, 2023)

disclaimer: most of these will pull up my reblog, not the original link. this is in no way me trying to take credit, but it was just easier and more efficient to get the links this way, and makes the resource still partially accessible if a blog is deactivated.

just like part one!: if you see your post on here and would like it removed or credited in a certain way, send me a message. i’m more than happy to do that!

this will be continuously updated. click the original post to check if the date has changed.

you can also search “updated version” in my blog to pull up the most recent edit

not all of these are direct guides! a lot of this is inspiration for your own personal praxis

The Featured

some things that are particularly relevant right now or what I find most interesting

Self Managed Abortion

Managing War Anxiety

Testosterone is for Girls, Too! (zine for purchase)

Solarpunk in Different Parts of the World

Gardening + Gardening DIYs

Sharing the Fruits of Your Labor

Healthy Soil

Ani's Tomato and Pepper Harvest

Moostie's Guide to Carrot Tops

DIY [Non-Fibre]

Filtering Rainwater

Tech

Pirating Resources

uBlock Origin's Official Guide to Bypassing Youtube Anti-AdBlock

[Google] Drives

Cooking/Foraging

Scrap Soup

Random Tips for an Amateur Cook

Mending + Fibre Arts

Solar Dyeing

Making Yarn from Scratch

Inspo for Mending a Belt

Inspo for Decorating a Jacket

On Acrylic Yarn

Thought, Theory + Idea Lists

Ways to Live in Direct Opposition to Capitalism

Rural Solarpunk

Activism in the Winter Months

Social Workers, Not Cops

Importance of Trades

Solarpunk in Different Parts of the World

Boomer Positivity

Stories of Transfem Acceptance

Staying Critical of "Self-Sufficiency"

Shopping

Native Seeds Search

Volunteerism, Protesting + Community Activism

Community Fridges/Freedges

Free Little Library for MOVIES!

Nzambi Matee Recycles Plastic to Make Bricks that are Stronger than Concrete

Workplace Advocacy

A Legit Way to Fight the Climate Crisis from Where You're Sitting Right Now

Village Tackles Speeding by Planting Thousands of Flowers Because Drivers Slow Down as They Pass By

Emotional + Physical Health

First Aid for Seizures

Masterlists, Compilations

History of Specific Depopulated Palestinian Areas

UK-Specific Solarpunk Resources

Zines

Testosterone is for Girls, Too!

T-Girl Self Defense

The Shirt, (or How to Explain Revolution to an 8-year old)

a word on the soup and the stew:

hello world!

if you've made it all the way down here, hello! hi:3

welcome to a project I've been working on for many years. 3, to be exact! which may not seem that long to you, but for me, the soup started as a way for me to collect resources as an isolated, abused teenager and give me a source of hope. I think it gave me something to hoard, to call my own, even though it never really was. it was and always has been just my organization of a community's brilliance. and along the way, people seemed to like it. with this outpouring love and a community I could finally call myself apart of, I learned to let go of false ownership and instead grow a true love for archiving, for sharing.

now, I am a free, happy adult, and that time seems like forever ago. yet I continue collecting these resources and sharing our community's brilliance as an ode to that younger self, and because I still believe in the solarpunk community and it's message:

hope! keep hoping! endure! keep enduring! above all else, we must survive, we must dream, and we must LOVE!

I hope you reflect upon these with the same gentle, hopeful heart I always have. Praise the authors, love them, love yourself, and let our hope inspire you to create and act and be.

All of my love!

The Keeper

[weepingwillowwonder]

Aaa thank you for asking, I am doing well also :3

Could I request an Alastor x Male!reader who is also a deer like him? Either the same type or a different kind and our antlers are growing in for the first time in hell (since I imagine only Alastor can control his? Depending on your head canon of that :3)

And we ask Alastor for advice since it keeps getting in the way of things and are overly sensitive (I read that when deers first grow antlers they are very sensitive but I could be wrong) if that is alright!

Ah, I'm glad to hear you're well Strawberry <3 !

At this point, I swear I start every request with “so sorry I took forever…” This one is literally no different. Frfr this one took 5 ever and I'm sorryyyy ( T ~ T)

This request was actually kinda hard for me to come up with something, but I THINK I did okay with it.

~~~

Alastor x Male!Reader 

CW: Suggestive content (MDNI!!!), Reader is a deer demon like Alastor

‘Why would Alastor help me, of all people?’ 

---

You think to yourself as hesitation slowly creeps in the back of your mind. The hand you had raised to knock on the door of Alastor’s room slowly lowered to your side as you thought over your current situation. 

Relatively new to hell, you had just finally begun to familiarize yourself with the abrupt changes of your body and the instincts that came with it. Similarly to the radio demon, your form took on the characteristics of a deer: Fluffy ears sat upon your head and a matching tail on your backside reflected each and every change of emotion you took on. Up until now, the physical changes to your body were really only noted in those two areas, and if anything, your personality was drastically more affected. Your senses, heightened in your transition, forced you to become a little more aware of your surroundings, thus more cautious or even skittish depending on the situation. 

At this point, you tried your best to stay low and out of sight, in fear of retaliation from the people around you. And in most cases, that thought process worked. Somehow you managed to survive long enough to make it to the Hazbin Hotel and become one of its beloved residents, on your quest for redemption. Things were going seemingly well, despite mostly keeping to yourself. You learned quickly that some residents were easier to get along with than others, and others, more so Alastor, set off your internal alarm system. 

Despite your body yelling at you to run away from Alastor’s domain, you ignore the warnings in favor of dealing with your current problem. Your antlers were coming in. Of course they were, you were a deer after all. Reaching up to touch the currently small nubs on the top of your head, you immediately flinched. The feeling was foreign to you, hardly painful, but not quite pleasant either. Somewhere in the middle of overwhelmingly sensitive were your antlers and it only grew worse as they increased in size. The current problem? You didn’t know what set them off to emerge. One minute you’re minding your business, the next you find yourself stuck somewhere in your room with various items hanging from your antlers.

You chew on your bottom lip weighing your options: You can keep running in circles, trying and failing to find some sort of solution to keeping your antlers suppressed or… you can seek guidance from the only other deer demon that you know, who also just so happens to be a master at keeping his composure. Before you’re able to make up your mind, the door in front of you swings open to reveal a smiling, yet somehow annoyed looking Alastor.

“Hello, my dear! Exactly how long do you expect to linger in front of my room? You should know it is quite rude to mark in someone else's territory.” He comments, eyeing your panicked expression. “N-no! I wasn’t, that wasn’t my intention at all!” You blurted out, raising your hands in surrender. His narrowed eyes flicker upward towards your head, lingering for a moment before looking back at you. “Hm. Your scent says otherwise.” He says matter of factly, nose crinkling in disgust. 

The room suddenly feels considerably warmer as you feel the flush growing on your cheeks. Your mouth opens to defend yourself, but suddenly your antlers begin to rapidly grow in size. It takes everything in you not to cry out at the feeling, your lips pressing together to keep the noises inside. Catching him by surprise, Alastor reaches out with both hands to grab a hold of your antlers and forces you to your knees. “What on earth do you think you're doing?” He hisses, voice quickly turning into distorted static as he continues to hold you in that position, his antlers also emerging to challenge your own. 

Well this is not how you anticipated this conversation to go. A whimper slips past your lips, partially in fear and partially in something else as he holds you firmly in place beneath him. You didn’t account for Alastor potentially seeing you as a threat, his display of dominance made it very clear he wasn’t aware of your intentions. Instead, he mistook your current state as blatant disrespect rather than a show of inexperience.

The fingers wrapped around your antlers had you gasping for air. Your entire body quickly lights up as the stifling feeling of heat flows through you. Your fight or flight response kicks in and you attempt to pull yourself away from him, instead falling straight on your back when he suddenly lets you go. The feeling of static fills the air as Alastor comes to hover over you, smile tightening menacingly. 

“Please, I’m not here to fight! I don't want-, my antlers, I can't control them Alastor! I-I need your help! I was trying to ask for your help!” The words tumble from your mouth, flinching as he takes a step closer to you. He straightens up once you state your business and quickly shrinks down to his original form. “Hah! Well, why didn't you start with that?” He laughs lightheartedly, both hands now resting on his extended microphone. You stare up at him in complete disbelief.

“That would have saved us both a lot of trouble, you know… As for your antlers,” He leans over to inspect them closer, using a finger to trace the intricate patterns of them. “In my experience they tend to be quite sensitive to your emotions, similarly to these.” He playfully tugs at one of your ears before pulling away, chuckling softly as you reach up to the area where he touched you.

“Anyway…” he taps the inside of your thigh with his microphone, extremely close to the straining bulge in your pants. “Come find me once you’ve dealt with this problem, then we can discuss your concerns for control. How does that sound?”

[yama-does-art]

Magic on the Lost Light - Part 1

Lost Light x (gn)reader

[Here] | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | End

Content: mtmte human oc insert, discontinued

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.4k

Rung I

“You found  a what!?”

Rung jumped as he heard the Chief Medical Officer as he walked into the medbay. Upon entering, he could see a broad shouldered medic zipping from one device to the next. One more step and the mech noticed his presence.

His optics narrowed to a frightening degree. “Now what happened to you?”

The psychiatrist ex-vented, so this was the infamous Ratchet. The medic that was feared by both autobot and decepticon alike. One who was abrasive and kind in equal measures. “My forearm was severed by a rogue fly-by, but if there is something more serious I can come back later.”

Immediately the medic was on him, “A severed limb?” he  started, leaning in to examine the part, “Huh? You're not wrong. The cut is incredibly clean, your energon conduits have already cauterized.” He threw up a servo, “You’re going to have to stick around, I may need your assistance.”

That caught the old mech’s attention. Could it have something to do with the other patients? He looked at the berths beside him. Two bots were unconscious, one was a minibot and the other was Whirl, of all mechs. He didn’t remember seeing him on the roster. “What can I help with?”

Ratchet was moving between his office and back. “Your Ring, the ships’ psychiatrist?”

“Actually, it’s Rung, like the ladder.”

“Right. Anyway, if what Perceptor claimed to be true, a human was found near the engines after our failed jump. Don’t ask me how. If they are still alive, I am going to need someone to monitor them while I care for any injured crew that was thrown out of the airlock.”

“A human? While I’m honored that you think highly of my skills, I never personally met any of their species. If they wake up, I don’t even have a human holoform.”

“Other than me, Rodimus, and Magnus, I doubt anyone else here has one either. You’re unassuming and you are trained to deal with erratic individuals. We share quite a bit in terms of behavior. That will be enough for now.”

Just then, Perceptor came in, bursting into the medbay cupping a small form between his digits. “Ratchet, their breathing has stopped and their pulse has ceased 7 clicks ago.”

Rung could feel another wave of worry, this one, far more intense. “Into my Office,” Ratchet said. Then he turned to him. “Stay here until I give the all-clear.”

The two mechs disappeared into the CMO’s office. A faint shimmer of static bounced from the sealed entrance, no doubt the atmospheric shield generator taking into effect. He hoped the organic survived. It would be interesting to hear the story of how they ended up here of all places. The psychiatrist also was curious about what the medic said earlier. Just how similar were cybertronians to humans? In all his years of existence, he has never had the opportunity to work with another species before. A fact he has not thought much of until now.

“Never thought I’d see a medbay without a medic,” said a voice.

Rung turned to find another minibot. This one was stout with a white ventilation chassis, with his extremities highlighted red. “Ratchet is with another patient in his office, you must be Swerve.”

He grinned, “I see I am famous already and you are?”

“Rung. I am the ship’s Psychiatrist.”

“An actual psychiatrist? I knew most of us had a few screws loose but wow. I didn’t think Cybertron still had bots like you.”

Rung just frowned. Even before the war, there were few bots who specialized in the field of psychiatry. It was an unfortunate state of affairs then. Now with the end of the war, Cybertron needed mechs like him more than ever. He coughed, “Yes, well I am here to serve. I know Ultra Magnus has required the entire crew for an initial psych evaluation, but if there is anything that you may need, do not hesitate to ask.”

The minibot grinned, “I’ll keep that in mind doc. So what’s with the mystery patient behind the office door? Does it have something to do with Perceptor? One moment, I was finalizing my results, the next I see Percy barrel through like it's the end of the world. Which may not be that far from the truth now that I think about it. The ship did blow up on take off.”

“I am not sure, Ratchet had just asked for me to stay in case the patient needed to be calmed down.” Rung said. It wasn’t a complete lie. He just did not want to get the bot excited for nothing. He still didn’t know if the organic was going to live or not. “You mentioned test results; What were you testing?”

“Ratchet wanted me to date the metal from that minibot over there, the one with blue and white paint. Get this, the mech is over six million years old.”

“How? That’s incredible. Who is he?”

“We don’t know. Here’s the kicker, Docbot, Rewind, and Chromedome found him in a ditch with his circuits fried. The poor spark might not even know what year this is.”

Poor spark indeed. Rung glanced at the unconscious mech. Six million years was practically an entire epoch of cybertronian history. So much has changed, from the death of the council, to a civil war that lasted another 4 million years, to the initial destruction of their planet, only for it to end within a few weeks before  today. “Whatever happens, he needs to be told gently. Regardless of when the mech was buried, it would be a deeply traumatic experience to just wake up so far removed from what one might know.”

Swerve nodded sagely, “Don’t have to tell me twice. It just blows my processor to think about it. A mech who never knew about the civil war. Crazy, I tell you.”

Rung didn’t respond, his own words echoing back to him. If the human were to wake up, it would be the same for them. An individual displaced in an unknown time and place. Unlike the mystery mech, they would not get the luxury of being surrounded by their own species.

“Oi, Rhung, I think Ratchet wants to talk to you. He kept shooing me away.” said Swerve.

The psychiatrist blinked. Bringing himself back to reality just in time to see Perceptor leave. Bidding the minibot goodbye he followed the medic into his office. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it was not that. The creature before him was smaller than his servo and barely the width of his digit. Unlike cybertronians’, their outer shell consisted of a smooth organic mesh, with the top of their helm adorned with calcium dense fur. At least, that was what he could tell, from what was not covered in cloth. He now understood why mechs considered this particular species uncanny, everything from their physique to their glassy optics mirrored his own. 

“We were lucky. Upon resuscitation, I have detected no internal damages. I’ll have to run more diagnostics later but from what I can tell, that is a completely healthy homosapien sapien. Even more astounding they have taken to being stranded on our ship rather well. I apologize that I won’t be able to mend your arm at the moment, but are you still willing to watch them while I take care of the minibot outside?”

“No problem at all, Doctor. Do you have the data pack for the human’s language available? I might be able to answer any questions they might have.” 

“Yes I do and many thanks Rung. I will return shortly, and don't worry about their physical condition. The medical drone is monitoring their vitals.” There was a flicker of unease in his EM field, “Just, keep an optic out on this one. I got enough on my servos, I don’t need to deal with a runaway organic either.”

Rung was about to say that it would be pointless for the human to run due to the atmospheric controls in the rest of the ship, but stopped himself.  Looking back at the organic, it was rather unnerving how intense their gaze was. It reminded him of a cyber-cat stalking its prey. He was not familiar enough with their species emotes, however there was a certain defensiveness to their posture that he recognized. If this was a fellow cybertronian, what would he do?

With as much finesse he could muster, he took a seat across from the organic. Good, they did not flinch, though the absurdity of their size difference was not lost on him. “Hello, little one, my designation is Rung. I am the ship's psychiatrist and I am here to help.”

They still had a look of suspicion but their posture slackened somewhat. They placed a servo to their chassis and tilted their head forward, “Ratchet mentioned something about you. Nice to meet you too, Rung. Call me Buddy.”

Next ->

[creacherkeeper]

happy pride everyone

for some reason i was sitting outside this morning and enjoying some shockingly not boiling hot weather and reflecting on a post i had made like ... 12 years ago on here that "blew up" (like 60k notes on early days tumblr) and thinking like. wow i sure do know a lot more about myself now that makes all that make sense but

the post was someone saying like. hey how can you call yourself an atheist and support gay people because gay people go against the concept of evolution. and my reply was like. actually there are gay members of like every social species weve studied it in and i had a bunch of facts laid out about all the different very gay animals of this world (like giraffes having very largely m/m sex)

but now, like 12 years later, i am thinking about human evolution and queer identity and thought it would be fun to talk about. i am by far not an expert and so if there are experts who want to correct me or talk more in depth about this Please jump in but

... why did humans evolve to be queer anyway?

very short answer: because its helpful to raising kids

longer answer: though its debated whether humans are a prosocial or eusocial species, it is agreed upon that early humans cooperatively raised young, including those that they did not personally sire or give birth to, and that we lived in multi-generation communities where younger members would help raise older members offspring, and vice versa

(note: im using the terms amab and afab for human populations potentially pre concepts of gender but work with me here, i dont want to keep repeating genitalia or genomes when those arent always a helpful 1 to 1 either. sex is a spectrum gender is made up etc support intersex rights)

we know that due to fraternal birth order effect (npr link), youre 33% more likely to be gay with each older amab sibling that you have (not 33% total, but 33% more, so like 2% to 2.6 to 3.5 etc). this is true of both amab and afab people with older amab siblings. we also know that a birthing parent having more of a specific antibody makes their children more likely to be gay (and that antibody is not exclusive to but is highly tied to giving birth to amab children)

in addition, evolutionarily speaking, its just as advantageous for your siblings children to do well than it is for yours to. its incredibly rare you would happen to have a very helpful mutation that your siblings dont have. which means that your siblings kids would be about 25% amab grandparent, 25% afab grandparent, and 50% a parent who is unrelated to you. this is exactly the same for your own children

okay, so what does that mean?

to put it simply, it means that having older siblings, specifically older siblings who are more easily able to sire more children, makes you more likely to end up in a same-sex couple, which means you are two adults with no children who are now around to help raise children you are equally invested in the success of than if they were your own

the more older youth or adults you have around to help who are not also using up a bunch of resources by being pregnant and having non-helping-age children, the better off that community's children will be. more people to hunt and gather and create resources like tools, which means everyone prospers, especially the kids

or, to frame it from the opposite view: having gay siblings means your children are more likely to survive and thrive

(kind of funny how conservatives are like gay people shouldnt be around children when the entire point of our evolutionary development was that we were great to have around if you had kids but like. alas)

so, thats the very basic core of it. but you can apply this concept to a lot of queer identities. aroace? working adult around to help who is not bringing in an unrelated partner or having kids. trans? you now either have an m/f couple who can fill two different social niches without having kids, or you have a gay couple who is able to do more varied physical tasks whether or not they do have kids. bi people may have kids or may not, or their children may be more spread out if they have partners of different sexes over time

not to mention you kind of have some built in, ready to go parents in the case that another community member dies, and there are now orphans that need raising. its a lot harder for someone whos already a parent to take on more children, as opposed to an adult couple who doesnt have any

so yeah :) were queer because we were helpful to have in communities and allowed everyone, but especially youth, to prosper and thrive

tl;dr: queer people were an evolutionary advantage to have in an early community because we were helping-age members who were able to cooperatively raise young and take on orphans without using up resources on birthing and raising our own young

yay science :o) happy pride everyone!!!

[cthulhuwritesstuff]

Full Moon spoilers below.

Thoughts on that scene from the other point of view.

Stolas was protecting himself. He is heartbroken.

He doesn’t understand that he is asked to turn around and face Blitz, because yelling and insults don’t work for him (someone mentioned that this pattern of arguing on Blitz’s side is probably coming from his relationship with Verosika and how they used to communicate, and I agree with that 100%). Yelling and insults are very triggering for Stolas. I can bet that he heard and saw his wife in that moment, and he never expected that from Blitz. It broke him. Of course it did.

Another thing worth mentioning is Stolas’s drastic overthinking tactic that he deploys upon himself each time something close to heart comes his way. He is a traumatized, survival-mode 24/7 character, that hasn’t known romantic love his whole life. He is convinced his feelings aren’t reciprocated because that is what he can deal with and it is something he is familiar with. That is what he already had in spades.

His “I want you to stay with me, only if you want to” line was very hopeful and yes, very heartbreaking, but he doesn’t understand that the other person did not spend so much time in their head thinking about all the ways they’d be rejected. Blitz has never seen Stolas this way, and Stolas cannot see that, because in his head EVERYONE sees him that way: pathetic, love-sick, desperate, unworthy of love. Blitz’s reaction to that only proved him right (in his head) and he decided he was finished with the conversation, because that was the only way he could save some dignity.

Him arguing back with “This is answer enough, you needn’t say anything else” while walking away was his way of trying to put distance between him and Blitz so he can shield himself; but for Blitz, that was dismissive and rude and “rich fuck behavior”, and “here I go again, I am getting tossed to the side again like a thing played with. I won’t let you do that.”

So when Blitz lashes out and tries to communicate that — very poorly, mind you, no matter how much we get what he meant, he did it poorly — he does it with his whole chest, and he is ready for a fight, for more arguments, but for Stolas all that is just making things worse. His mind and heart are clouded with pain that he had already harbored for so long, that had forced him to twist his own ideas of himself and what he deserves, and he couldn’t handle that approach at all.

What hurts us as the audience is that we all know what is really happening, but they do not. What makes us frustrated is the fact that we know they care, even if Blitz himself is not ready to admit that to himself yet, and even when Stolas is creating this gap between them in order to do the right thing.

Stolas is honestly offended that Blitz “does not” accept his feelings, and acts as if they’re a joke, and that is perfectly understandable.

When he says “I want you to want to stay with me”, all he sees is Blitz trying to get their role play going (his piss poor way of saying “of course I want to stay, I am not going anywhere, let’s just do what we usually do and have fun, cause that’s what I am confortable with”). Stolas sees this as Blitz not being serious, and not taking him seriously. It breaks his heart.

When Blitz says “Can I have a minute to think”, all Stolas hears is “you pompous rich asshole”

When Blitz clearly communicates that everyone else always plays with his feelings, Stolas is absolutely destroyed because he is put int he same basket with everyone who had done him wrong.

This is a great learning curve for them both, a great way of portraying miscommunication and emotional damage it can do.

I am looking forward to the future development of this relationship.

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon,

this might not be a question you can answer, or maybe it is! idk. this is about covid & alike

for context on myself, i’m a white gendrfucky trans guy who’s also autistic & an immigrant (so some cultural context is probably lacking)

as we know, we’re in a 2nd highest surge & the pandemic never stopped and it increasingly dangerous and disabling to so many

i wear my kn95 everywhere i go now, and while i tried last semester, it was a lot easier to abandon masking because of

1. others’ around me negligence

2. some classrooms being IMPOSSIBLY hot and close to unbearable with a respirator on

3. attending crowded events where people needed to hear me

i’ve reevaluated and am rebuilding my practices now, but what i’m finding really difficult is to get people i have in my life to wear a mask again

i feel so lost. i share the informational posts, i talk to my people, i offer masks- what else is there to do?? i know the exhaustion i feel is absolutely incomparable to what disabled and immunocompromised people feel, especially when they’ve done the work for years!

i just don’t understand how i’m supposed to keep moving through life. i mean ofc i’ll keep doing what i’m already doing but it’s so incredibly isolating to be the only person masked in a meeting of 20,30,50 people.

i don’t know how to make people care. i don’t know how to have conversations with my friends in a way that will let our relationship evolve with this new understanding of care. i don’t know how to not polarize people into defensiveness when i talk about the powers wreaking atrocities in falasteen being the same ones shortening an isolation period to 1 day.

i don’t know how to be eloquent enough to be listened to and firm enough where people take what i say seriously. i don’t know how to not start screaming WEAR A MASK anytime it’s a crowded (or even not crowded) meeting indoors with no air filtration.

idk how people don’t realize the “cold” they’ve had for 3 weeks is either covid or direct aftermath of it. idk how they stand for seemingly the right things and then come to work sick & unmasked.

i don’t know how to engage with most people in a meaningful way & find connections because the delusion, the “it won’t happen to me”, the “i don’t care if i catch it and die”, the “this is just the way it is” seems to be a wall made of unbreakable cement and i don’t know what will melt it.

i feel insane for having compassion towards the world and seeing how it can be better. i feel insane for being angry people don’t mask & downplay this issue. i feel insane for even trying to talk sense into people.

i’ve recently been called a lying phony by an account that talks about masking bc a lot of my recent pictures show my face without a mask. i archived the posts since, apologized and reflected. but a lot of pictures i take are in my own room so i am unmasked. idk

i feel like the gap between me and most people i know is growing wider by the minute and with every reading i do about interdependent revolutionary practices, etc.

i know that when one understands something, it is their responsibility to make an impact on their bubble of the world and transform it with their knowledge. but i doubt i’m the only one doing the reading and knowing what’s going on, i just seem to be the only one masking.

i don’t know. i’m sorry it’s such a long ask & i’m sure you have your own stuff you’re dealing with. i just don’t know who else to ask that might understand. i’m sure there are people around me who might but so many are in survival mode and i currently don’t know anyone with the capacity to hold space for this.

i guess it’s bold to assume you do.

anyway, i hope your day goes alright today<3

You are placing wayyy too much responsibility upon yourself as one compassionate and informed individual here, and expecting far too much perfection of yourself in ways that do not help you and do not help the cause. You've done a lot to unpack the terrible individualism that has led to anti-mask sentiment being so rampant, but you are in a way still applying that logic to yourself and your situation by imagining that if you, one humble person with limited power were able to be adequately persuasive, you'd somehow change the actions of thousands. That is not how behavior change works.

Persuasion almost never happens logically or instantly, almost never through one person's remarks. Behavior is shaped by a vast array of economic, sociological, emotional, and ideological factors.

It's also not helpful in my opinion to worry about the opinion of someone who would shame you for not wearing a mask at home alone in your bedroom, either. Obsessing over the optics of our actions and wanting all people to morally approve of us at all times is yet another consequence of individualism and Puritanism. as you well know as someone who masks in a crowd of maskless people, sometimes we gotta do what we know is right and disregard others' opinions.

What you can do, in my opinion, is this: keep masking. Your behavior reminds people of the need for masks and models socially responsible behavior. Bring spare masks with you. Offer them to your family and friends and the people standing near you in public. If they refuse, and you have a good relationship with the person where they have shown they respect you and listen to you, then you can tell them why masking around you is important to you. You cannot change the opinion of someone who has never shown you any respect so don't expect that to ever work.

Even if you do have a good relationship with someone, persuasion is a long, hard process. Do not expect yourself to change their mind. If you can get some people to mask at least around you, that is a victory. Perfection is an unrealistic goal here to expect of yourself, and for public health in general. Any improvement you can inspire is a victory. Even if it's just making one or two friends mask more often when they are with you. That still lessens risk. That still sends a visible signal to everyone around you. You have no idea of the impact you truly have on other people in the long term. It is both more modest and far larger and longer-reaching than you as an individual will ever know.

Please be easy on yourself. You are just a person. An average person with very limited power. So is everyone else for the most part. When you stop burdening yourself with the unrealistic responsibility of changing thousands of people's behavior, you will feel less resentful toward others as well. When we resent other people it always means we are doing too much.

And when you feel less overwhelmed and overburdened, you will be more effective in the conversations you do have with people about COVID too. People do not respond well to (what they perceive to be) guilt or intensity or someone presuming to know better than them. What people do respond to well is to be asked genuine questions, listened to, validated in their feelings, given help where they are facing barriers to action, and being treated with compassionate gentleness.

But to do that you have to work on believing that people who are flawed in their response to COVID have reasons for doing so that make sense to them, and that they aren't all foolish and lacking in compassion. As my friend @kim-from-kansas says, people do not do things that do not make sense. If a person's actions do not make sense to you, it is because you are missing a piece of their context. The sad fact is people have many reasons to think that masking doesn't work or is hopeless. People have been very heavily propagandized and trauma also makes many people value life less.

Convincing people to take COVID more seriously is a tall, tall order, but if you wish to do so, you will need to be more than correct. You will have to put real work into not making people feel judged, and you will have to make peace with not always (or even usually) succeeding. It sucks but that's how it is. Best of luck!!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for not helping a teenager?

My deepest apologies. This is going to be rather lengthy.

For context, the teenager in question, R (15M), and I (don't remember, M) both arrived on this particular island with amnesia, albeit at different times and at different places. I had arrived first, and was accepted with open arms by the first village I happened upon, even ascending to an important position as the caretaker of one of the village's sacred animals. I am glad, and rather fortunate, to call these people my kinsmen.

R, on the other hand, ended up arriving at this other village, where the leader, K (40s M), was quite hostile to him. Despite his young age, he had to pass a trial before even being given shelter, to make sure he could pull his weight. Also, he was tasked with fighting multiple rampaging sacred animals by himself, which is how we met. While the animal I was in charge of was not one of those on the rampage, I work in the area close to where one of them was, and my own ward had the ability to help R reach the rampaging sacred animal, so I was tasked with bringing him to the fight, during which he prevailed, as usual. R and I had a conversation of sorts on the way, which helped me gain some clarity on my life and what I wanted to do after these rampages had been quelled, and for that I am grateful to him.

Right after R finished solving all these rampages, however, the sky turned red; it seemed to be the onset of the apocalypse, and the heart of it seemed to be the area I was in charge of. I spent most of my time during the apocalypse hurrying back and forth between my village and the area, making sure everyone was safe. I didn't see R until a while later after the apocalypse, during which he was furious with me.

Apparently, during the apocalypse, K exiled R from the village on suspicion of being the one to cause it, and many people in the village also agreed with that sentiment. It was only through the kindness of a few others, including my village leader, I (17F), and a young colleague of mine, L (12M), that he was able to survive, and then fix the apocalypse through intense fighting. Even despite his success, the whole experience was, understandably, an ordeal, knowing that many people blamed and hated him for something he didn't even do.

For that, R directed his anger at me for not supporting him during his time of need. Back then, after the situation in my area was settled, I decided to head down to the village R was staying at for a change of scenery, and R had kept coming to find me. Showing off all his new discoveries, or simply talking about his day - I've been told he does not do this with anyone else, implying he seemed to view me as someone he was close to.

I'm personally unsure how to feel about this; I know there are people I am missing, but R isn't a replacement for them, and it would be unfair to see him as one. It's rather difficult for me to form close bonds with anyone here in general as well, knowing that this isn't where I'm supposed to be. For that time, I treated R like I would any other person - politely and respectfully. According to him, though, he "thought we were best friends" and "trusted [me] more than anyone else" because "[I'm] the only one who can truly understand what [he's] been through", and so he felt especially betrayed that I wasn't there to help him.

I don't even know how I didn't run into him at all during his exile, but that's probably the will of the gods. If I had, I would've tried to help, given he's literally 15 years old; but it would admittedly be difficult as it is likely that K was also keeping tabs on me as a suspicious person, and could've punished me as well if I was seen 'conspiring' with R, and I wouldn't be able to fulfill my duty to my people in that case.

TL:DR, a teenager I met apparently considered me a close friend (but it wasn't reciprocal) and was furious at me for not being there for him when he was in a dire situation. I had other commitments at that time, but even then, I feel guilty for not helping him. AITA?

[that-ari-blogger]

Spiky (Beast Island)

My main thesis for She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is that it is a tragedy of repetition. The cycle of abuse, for example, is a big part of Catra’s dynamic with everyone around her. But that theme extends beyond the personal.

I’m talking about both symbolic and physical extensions here. The idea of abuse can be represented through the art and style of a story with coding and specific word choice. But it can also be shown off literally on a larger scale. That is where environment design comes in, and the scale of that is truly immense.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Beast Island was a dumping ground for first ones tech, mostly weaponry, but also a variety of other tools and ideas. I will get back to some stuff in particular, but I feel the need to establish the baseline that this place just looks weird.

That’s the point with this episode, the environment is hostile by definition. You get that through the unfamiliarity of not knowing what the ground is and what is a tree, but you also get it from the fact that everything is spiky and gloopy. This place looks unsafe to be.

However, let’s go back to the theme for a moment, because I think it works really well here.

This place looks both organic and artificial. Like a single living thing that has had stuff done to it to mess it up.

The cycle of abuse is presented here as second hand. The first ones were at war and in their attempts to save themselves, they abused this island for all it was worth, turning it into a prickly version of itself that wards off intruders. That island in turn became a place to hold someone else’s baggage and turned that into weapons of its own. The island is hostile to everyone because of abuse being done to someone else that it got caught up in. That’s the cycle.

The key here is that I don’t think this place was decided upon because it was of particular importance. I think the opposite was true. The first ones needed a place to send their failed weapons and Beast Island was convenient and out of the way for them. They didn’t think about it, it didn’t matter.

Zooming out to the real world for a moment, that’s often how the cycle of abuse happens. It’s not about the person on the receiving end, the giver just needed to vent and was too caught up in themselves to notice that other people were getting hurt.

This is exactly Catra and Scorpia’s dynamic in the show. Catra is in pain, and Scorpia is a convenient scapegoat.

This can even be extrapolated further to the island’s inhabitants. The children of the second generation abuse victim. The creatures that grew to survive in harsh conditions by being harsh in their own right. They got angry, they got vicious, they started picking fights, passing that trauma on to someone else. Keeping the cycle going.

We meet King Micah in this episode, and he is utterly disconnected from reality. He doesn’t know how much time has passed, and he plays into that of the exile going mad and eating bugs. Seriously, I don’t know what this trope is called and it’s driving me nuts.

The point is, Micah has been in that world of someone else’s abuse for so long that he has no sense of reality. But hold on to this thought.

Daniel Dae Kim everybody. The line where he realises how long he's been gone is stellar and one of the best line reads in the entire series as far as I am concerned.

One of the key moments in this episode then is the depressive efforts of the source. The heart of the island, the place where all the pain is stored.

And the closer you get to this heart, the worse you get. It is a piece of technology that was designed to limit the hope of those around it, to make them want to give up. It’s not a weapon designed to win; it’s designed to subdue.

There are two ways to read this. The first is that maybe the First Ones weren’t the good guys if they had a weapon for subjugation just lying around. But the other plays back into this cycle idea.

What if this was a way that the first ones tried to save themselves, by replicating the techniques of their abuser. By reflecting back that all is lost and they should just give up. But it failed.

But a weapon, once loaded, will always be used, eventually. That latent malice and energy went somewhere, specifically here. Once again, it was convenient, but it is a potent symbol of becoming exactly the kind of person who oppressed you.

Notice however that this place does have one weakness, hope. The thing that can pull you out of the heart’s embrace is hope that things will get better. Essentially, the abuse can be stopped by pointing out that it is founded in nonsense, which leads me back to Micah.

Micah has survived to this point through determination to see his daughter again. He has stayed sane; he has had a will to survive. He has had somewhere beyond the abuse to anchor himself to. When he realises his wife has died (I know she’s technically still alive but come on), he loses that, and he loses his hope. Grief is a demotivator. It’s a kick up the ass, but it teaches you to avoid things rather than go and do them.

Which leads me back to the environment, and to the Pookas.

The Pookas have survived in this place. They are spiky and unpleasant, yes, but they have survived just as well as if not better than Micah, and they have done that together.

The Pookas wear their abuse like a badge of honour, and they don’t direct it at each other. They hunt in packs and don’t squabble, instead they are silent, watching.

There is a theme with every creature in this place appearing as something and then revealing it's other features and I think that's really cool. The bush suddenly has eyes, the spider crab has hands, and the Pookas have their weird mouths, but they show that off immediately. They are up front with how they operate. "I am weird, I am broken, this is my damage."

These are weird creatures and I think they are partly synthetic, but they own that. The Pookas break the cycle something savage, and they do it as a group.

Essentially, the Pookas are a support group. They are victims together who can take comfort in each other. They find food together and support each other.

It's not the best method, considering that they hunt people, but it is a step towards healing.

And, for that matter, this step towards healing applies to the rest of the island. This place is alive. There is stuff to eat, there is life growing. Nature gets better, eventually.

That’s the theme of the series. Abuse is cyclical, but those cycles can be broken. You find people to help you, you find a place that is far away from the abuse, you bear your scars for the world to see and you channel your anger in a healthy way.

Final Thoughts

This is a shorter post for two reasons. The first is that I don’t have much time during the week in which I am writing this, but the second is that I really don’t like this episode.

Don’t get me wrong, Daniel Dae Kim kills this role and should be a joy to watch, if the dialogue wasn’t weird and if the conflict surrounding his daughter didn’t come across as contrived and if the tone seemed in any way intentional. Add to that the fact that, until the final scene, the animation that looks like it was made for a different, much lower budget show (why does swift wind have human facial expressions? He’s a horse!), and I had a really bad time rewatching this episode.

So, I focused on stuff I did like. I thought the Pookas were weirdly cute, and I devised a post to talk about that. This blog exists so I can challenge myself to get better, and sometimes that means scratching out a thousand words about Pookas, and that’s ok.

Next week, however, is Destiny Part 1, so stick around if that interests you.

[klucis]

So…season 4B, eh?

I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to pile on something without suggesting a better alternative. Therefore, after reading everyone’s takes on what was done wrong and how they would have done it differently, I’ve finally decided to throw my own 2c in, too.

Before I get to ‘my version’, I must comment on some of the most glaring moments of 4B in which the bag was monumentally fumbled with JJ and Jiara.

1. All of the near death experiences of JJ falling into water. First, the villain boat night trip. Second, being left to die by Groff at the sea. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that Kiara, JJ’s girlfriend, has 0 reaction??? Especially because we have the exact same scenarios to compare it to from previous seasons. Aka, the infamous ‘sup?’ scene from season 2 or the bike crash scene from season 3. Girlie was so worried. Now we don’t even get a hug??? It is so weird, that it pulled me out of the story. Those are not two people in love, or even two people who are friends. That’s the reaction one would have about a coworker at best.

2. JJ and Sarah almost dying at sea. John B runs to Sarah the millisecond he sees them. Kiara doesn’t even stand up??? What?! That was so bizarre I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I don’t know how to possibly read it as anything other than “I don’t care”.

3. Another peak stupidity moment - why would JJ turn his back to Groff who was just threatening Kiara with a knife? He’s always had above average survival instinct and reflexes, what was that? How about you get away from the lunatic who’s already tried to kill you once before the emotional reunion? Beyond stupid. Just out of character and bad, no excuse there.

4. JJ abandoning all of his spidey senses when road tripping with Groff and acting so incredibly out of character that it was sad to watch. Where all the trust issues go? It’s BAD writing.

5. JJ having to open his mother’s casket… literally why? What was the point. I am literally speechless. Haven’t seen this much unnecessary suffering bestowed upon a character since reading A Little Life.

Now here’s how I would have done it. The three main variables I’m working with are i) Rudy is leaving; ii) Rudy and Madison have some sort of an issue and need to touch as little as possible; iii) Netflix demands a fifth season.

1. As much as I loved the slow burn of Jiara in the first 2 seasons and even the 3rd, given the actor drama, clearly it’s impossible to have those two as a couple. So during the 2 years time jump have them give the relationship a try and ultimately decide that it can’t work. Continue on the season 3 line of JJ being freaked out about letting Kie that close and ultimately she’s afraid to lose him as a friend and mess up the group dynamic too, so they call it quits. When we meet them after the time jump they are no longer together, but there are lingering feelings communicated through stares + the awkwardness between the actors (which we all felt) would work in favour of this plotline if interpreted as ‘it’s awkward to touch you / be near you, because we have crossed that line and maybe a part of me still wants that’. It would also work perfectly well with JJs other plotlines and the sense “that everything I touch turns to shit”. No romantic touching really has to be involved at all. Drama averted.

2. Turn up the volume of the found family trope. My jaw dropped when we got that 6second scene from the Pogelandia house with the Pogues cooking and JJ eating pasta off the wall. We needed more of that! Why didn’t we get more of that?! Maybe have that be the first year in the house when everyone was coupled up and it was “perfect”, then followed by Jiara break up and things getting rocky financially. This strengthens the idea that “good things don’t last” for JJ.

3. I think I would keep Luke as JJ’s real father but have him think that the mother chose Groff and was going to raise the baby as theirs. Have Luke really love the mother but also be incredibly resentful that she ‘didn’t chose him’, which he projected on JJ, who also looks like his mother. Then have JJ and the audience learn through Groff that actually the mother was about to leave Groff for Luke. When JJ learns of this he might go somewhere and notice a happy family of three and think of an alternate universe where that could have been his family. This could be nicely integrated with Sarah pregnancy storyline too. All this gives JJ the feeling that everything about his life was already decided when he was a baby and there is no point to his actions anymore.

4. Throughout the season, put emphasis on JJ being the last surviving heir and make it clear that while he is alive Groff will want to kill him so that he inherits all. Thus, JJ has to disappear for a while. Let’s also not forget the murder charges against him and everything. It is clear that JJ has to disappear to protect himself and his friends and to have a chance at having a full happy life in the future. In a way, JJ still sacrifices everything - can’t stay in his town, in his house with his friends/family, can’t figure out whether there is anything left between him and Kiara, etc. But he is alive. Get the tearful goodbyes and everything.

5. Then season 5 is still getting back at Groff and the Pogues making sure that JJ has a chance to come back. JJ is completely off the grid. Then at the very end, possibly after another time jump, have the Pogues be summoned by the new mysterious owner of Goat Island and learn that in fact part of it is being turned into a nature reserve. Surprise, surprise, once the Pogues get there, it turns out that JJ is the new owner and voila we get a happy ending after all the crap. Maybe throw in one more ‘Stupid things have good outcomes all the time’. Plus, have one last Jiara hug + a “Welcome home” + a loaded look implying that the year/s apart have shown them that they do belong together. Film it before Rudy leaves or negotiate him coming back for that one final episode. If thats not possible at all, then pull out the alleged body doubles and make do.

That’s my take on the situation. JJ deserved better, the story deserved better, we deserved better. This turn of events was tragic.

[ssaluss]

With shadow generations i've been thinking about Silver a Lot.

This will be a Long rant about a comic/concept that i will NOT be able to work upon, i'm a full time College student and work as an illustrator via Freelance, alongside personal projects ill say i feel like i have too much at hand but enough talk, concept below cut

As you'll see, this was inpired by Mephiles return, i can Dream abou a new silver campaing and i think a good villain would be Silver himself (Kinda inspired by an video i've seen years ago, if i remember wich one i'll link it in the comments).

Like, erased Silver being one of the remnants of this forgotten world, going back to his future to find nothing, learning how to time travel himself so he could save the life he wanted to have, but he keeps failing because he (his 2006 self) don't exist anymore.

Erased/06 Silver is a different entity than current canon Silver, whom i imagine have an ok future that sometimes is in danger so he goes back, fix things and everything is fine and rainbows again.

Borrowing the concept of multiple realities out of prime and dimensions cause Rush, Erased Silver trying everything he could to save his reality, his world in shambles and everyone that could have survived, he tried the chaos emeralds, not his as his world don't exist anymore, searching through dimensions and alternative realities were, even if he gater them all, they do nothing, even the Master emerald once, it just kicked him back to the nothingness.

So he becomes not quite a villain but someone desperate by all means to just exist.

I just think its neat the team discovering some new threat cause the Canon Silver said his future is starting to colapse but he can't trace the moment in time that explains why, just to fight something like the Time Eater but learning that the one pulling the strings is someone that seems familiar but they can't figure out why (different design, maybe masks like infinite or shade ya know). And he keeps the theme Mephiles started...

"I want to exist"

In his mind he's still a hero trying to fix everything and bring everyone back.

The more fanfic-ish thing out of this already fanfic-ish concept is Canon Silver or Good Future Silver being raised by Shadow cause i love their dynamic and think its neat, not in the board of "oh he's actually his biological father" yadda yadda (if you are thats ok, im in this boat if we talk about vincent and sephiroth) but id like an adopted father/tutor role cause my boy Shad have seem much and he cares about his friends, so if he saw little silver just waddling around you can't convince me he wouldn't take care of the little thing (and i love the idea of silver's bracelets being some kind of inhibitor, im still making fanfic at heart).

Also holy shit What im made of is back this was my whole childhood soundtrack alongside his world and i am all of me.