#how am i a failure? Dx

[littledragonkana]

WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED-

guys hot uquiz was just discovered but I'm taking it about 100 yrs too late. anyways everyone share how wifeable you are.

THE WIFE RATING SCALE 1929

[directactionforhope]

Actually, making a bunch of assumptions about someone based on how/when they sleep is ableist, and also often classist, and I'm respectfully serious about this, as someone officially diagnosed with a severe sleep disorder (not that I'm anti self-dx in any way but yes, I do have an official diagnosis and am in the range classified as "severe")

Because of my sleep disorder (and more recently one of my jobs), I work nights. Night shift jobs are almost - if not actually - exclusively working class jobs (though I'm not going to go into class issues because I feel far less qualified to speak on them).

But sleep habits are so, so conflated with morality, work ethic, and even competence and intelligence in mainstream US culture.

(I blame in large part the Puritans. Having a culture founded by the remnants of a strict and fundamentalist religious sect will do that to you.)

Things that people (including my clients and my coworkers), have done or assumed about me because of my sleep disorder:

Went to HR and told them I was skiving off at least two hours of work every single day (I wasn't, I was staying two to three hours late every single day to make up the hours, because I had an accommodation from my boss. I was almost always the one to lock up the office. I ended up in a meeting with HR who didn't even bother to check with my boss first and ask anything related to the literally abundant proof I was working late)

I later learned multiple people were talking about it behind my back, so for all I know like half my coworkers believed/suspected that about me

That I'm lazy

That I'm not in control of my life

That I'm disorganized

Kept forgetting/Refused to believe me that I just wasn't trying hard enough to keep a normal sleep schedule, until I found studies showing that trying to keep a ""normal"" sleep schedule with my level of severity had a 100% long-term failure rate

Required me to tell almost all of my repeat/regular clients details of my medical history to avoid them making a ton of assumptions when I send work messages/emails/project submissions at 4 in the morning (unfortunately several of the platforms I use professionally don't have any kind of message scheduling add-on or feature)

Lost out on jobs because I was unable to reply soon enough (this morning I may have literally missed out on an interview slot because I didn't reply to a message by the end of the workday)

Was unable to go to the bank/post office/grocery store/dmv/other time-sensitive errand for days at a time due to my sleep (and work) schedule during open hours

Real difficulty texting with new people because 2/3rds of my regular waking hours are considered a Loaded or Extremely Weird time to text someone, and sometimes spoons don't appear at convenient times of day

Constantly late to school when I was younger, sometimes in trouble for it

That I don't care about my family/family events when I struggle to do a whole week of vacation on 2-4 hours of sleep

A lot of this has gotten better since there's been more research on my sleep disorder (delayed sleep phase disorder) and I've been able to educate my family and explain things to my friends, and as disability/accessibility concerns/awareness have grown a lot over the last two decades

And I'm extremely rare and extremely lucky because I've had a sleep disorder diagnosis almost my whole life (since I was 11, I'm now 30ish). Most people with sleep disorders, especially severe sleep disorders, spend years and years exhausted and believing something is simply wrong with them, that they're some kind of a failure, because they just can't ""try"" hard enough to ""fix it""

Anyway if you struggle with sleep, especially if it's a sleep disorder, I believe you and I believe that it's real.

And if you find yourself relating to this post, or are tired all the time because you can never get enough sleep - or can only get enough if you sleep half/most of the day - I really recommend looking into sleep disorders, especially delayed sleep phase

Oh also working during a time that your circadian rhythm says you're supposed to sleep is so hard that for a person with a ""normal"" sleep schedule, working night shifts can literally give you a diagnosable sleep disorder. It's literally called "shift work disorder"

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Personal rant bc we haven't gotten my official results yet but we did get a very stressful phone call about it, and because adhd has been kicking my ass lately. This is going to be long and rambly and all over the place, and if you're anti self-dx, I wouldn't suggest reading further (or interacting with me in general). It also sort of becomes just me psychoanalyzing my own behavior and infodumping about it

-------------------------------------------------------

For context, I'm autistic and adhd, and I went and talked to a psychologist a couple weeks ago and had some testing done

Personally, I don't really feel the need to have an official diagnosis for autism. I'm confident in my informed self-diagnosis (technically it was actually my parents who first suggested I might be autistic but I've learned a lot about it since then and now I'm pretty sure I'm more convinced than they are) and I just don't think a doctor's note will do much for me (totally understand and support anyone who does want to get diagnosed tho). Adhd however is another story. If I want meds that will actually work and accommodations with my school, they need proof, and as things are I am desperate for some help.

So the appointment I had a couple weeks ago was supposed to be for adhd testing, but apparently he also lowkey tested me for autism while we were there. Which like, fine, whatever, it would be sort of nice to have that validated I guess, but when we checked back in with him on the phone earlier this week he started using outdated and problematic terms like high-functioning and aspergers and I'll just say that it did not exactly inspire confidence

But that can of worms aside, let me get back to (mostly) adhd related ranting

I feel like there could be an essay about how the diagnostic process for adhd is flawed and doesn't work all that well for people who have an internalized notion that their worth as a person is dependent on their academic success and task performance and therefore spent their childhood and adolescence funneling all their efforts time and attention into school and generally being seen as a good well-behaved bright kid out of desperation to have value (and it worked- I've always made good grades, but what people don't see is the days, weeks, months of paralyzed procrastination, the anxiety-fueled mad rush in the end to get things done late, and the grace I'm inexplicably shown every time, without which my grades would be much worse)

I'm scared, that I'm going to be determined "too high functioning" to be diagnosed even though I'm currently doing basically nothing with my life outside of college and yet I'm technically failing like half of my classes right now, that they're going to say "well the signs weren't there when you were younger" even though there's a variety of explanations for why that might be, not the least of which being the fact that for some folks with both autism and adhd the traits of the two have a tendency to "hide" one another

Apparently he also ran an iq test on me, and he broke down the 5 scores to us; I scored in the upper average/above average bracket in all but the 4th, processing speed, in which I'm below average. And like yeah, I'm well aware that I'm slow, but I guess it's official now-

Anyway, my main point with the iq thing was that while he was telling us about my high scores in the first 3 areas, I'm sitting here getting more and more uneasy, bc I'm like yeah sure I'm intelligent or whatever but it isn't worth shit if I can't motivate myself to actually do anything with that potential, and the conditions under which I was tested just don't reflect my day to day life closely enough to give an accurate reading, in my opinion.

Basically I'm afraid this guy is going to look at the results of some tests- tests which I was really focused on bc of the intrinsic fear of failure that plagues my existence (even though rationally I know you can't fail a psychological evaluation) and bc I know it's a bitch of a process to even get tested in the first place and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity goddammit-

That he's going to look at them and decide that I'm "too smart" to have a learning disability, when, again, all the brains in the world wouldn't do me any good if I

1) don't have the ability to self-motivate and direct them at what I need to be working on, even if I've been beating myself up about that pile of homework or my disaster of a room for weeks or even months, and

2) have such a loose grasp on the concept of time and priorities that I have on multiple occasions found myself pulling all-nighters on personal projects or reading for pleasure or scrolling on my phone only to realize oh shit I have to get up for school in like two hours, oh fuck, I'm going to be exhausted all day, what happened to "let's go to sleep early this time, I'll just do this for like 5 more minutes and then call it a night"

or realize after one of those all-nighters that what was actually a period of about 10 hours feels more like 10 minutes to me ("man wasn't I literally just here to get dinner" the next morning, passing the caf on my way to class on exactly 0 hours of sleep and still having managed not to get any of my actual class work done in all that time)

And also just that tendency in itself is significant, to get so deeply hooked on something once it does manage to get my attention, that I often feel like I can't stop until outside forces demand it- staying up until 4am on a school night painting my phone case and texting my crush (14 or 15), making bracelet after bracelet at the kitchen table at ungodly hours of the night because I couldn't sleep and now that I'm on a roll I don't want to break the momentum (18, a few months ago), throwing horrific amounts of time at reading fanfiction of whatever series currently has my interest when I have so much work that needs to get done if I want to have a chance at passing my courses this semester (18, basically present), making a last minute birthday present for my aunt and being so caught up in the rush and the craft of what I was working on that I ignored my body's needs until I ended up pissing myself (12), etc

The fact that I've been meaning to catch up with my high school friends for weeks or months, literally something as simple as a "how have yall been" in the group chat, yet for some reason I still haven't gotten around to it

The fact that for all my alleged intelligence I still haven't learned to ride a bike or drive a car or apply for a job or develop a work-life balance or play any of the instruments I want to or have a thriving social life or feel like a person (I think these are more autism-related but I'm throwing them in anyway)

The fact that minor (or even just mistakenly perceived) disapproval or judgment or teasing or having a text left on read can send me spiraling into anxiety and convinced that everyone hates me and that I'm worthless or obnoxious or stupid (rejection sensitivity is a bitch)

The fact that when I try to read I have to make a constant conscious effort not to jump ahead and all over the place and I often have to reread the same passage multiple times to understand it because I realize that I wasn't actually paying attention the first couple of times, my mind elsewhere and my eyes wandering

I know even if I do get diagnosed they'll say it's inattentive, not hyperactive or combined, because the majority of my hyperactivity is either fairly subtle movements (because I'm socially anxious and clumsy and don't want to draw attention to myself or run the risk of breaking or disturbing something) or just straight up in my head. Like sure I'm not a nine year old boy who can't sit still in class and is constantly bouncing around all over the place and getting into trouble and driving his parents and teachers crazy (bc being seen as annoying and unruly by authority figures would have broken me), but there's always so much noise in my brain, it's always talking or playing music in the background or thinking about the 47 different projects I need to be working on and the media it wants to be engaging with instead and the 1000s of things there are to worry about in a day; sometimes I'll get stuck in a loop where I'm mentally repeating a word or phrase over and over and over again until I feel like I'm going crazy

All of this is stuff that this guy doesn't see, and that worries me when it comes to the validity of his assessment

But basically, what I'm trying to say is, I swear to god if the people around me don't believe that there's clearly something not neurotypical going on here I'm going to fucking riot

And, ranting aside, I want to end this post with a note to all my fellow neurodiverse folks who are waiting for answers or treatment or validation or support or whatever.

I feel you. Hang in there. You have my well wishes in your endeavors. And remember, it's ok to be happy with or proud of who you are and what makes you different, it's ok to embrace your neurodiversity while also acknowledging how difficult it can be to live with and the fact that you might need extra time or support with things that seem to come easily to other people. It's ok to admit that it's fucking hard sometimes, and it's ok to ask for help. Take care, mates

[cannabiscomrade]

Ok firstly- I'm horrified that they waited until you were in gastric failure to place your tube. Especially considering it sounds like you met the criteria for consideration far before that, according to the criteria you listed. I know you've talked a little about how traumatic this whole experience was, but I failed to realize just how bad it was. Secondly- thank you so much for that information and for continuously sharing your chronic health journey. I always find you to be informative and helpful, both anecdotally and more. Scientifically? You do both. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thirdly- I was dx with gastroparesis 8 years ago, but it has gone untreated since. Now I am in a POTS clinic, and they want me to see an in-house gastroenterolgist so that I see somebody who knows POTS and common gi complications. So I'm hoping he will call me back soon. I haven't been losing weight, but the morning nausea/vomitting multiples times a week and occasionally waking up to vomit... Well, that sounds exactly what I deal with. And I historically don't tolerate medications well In General. So thank you for the information. It will help me make a more informed decision when I'm able to see the specialist. And good luck, with everything you're dealing with right now health-wise.

You’re welcome! I’m so glad that I’m helping people by sharing my story. That’s why I do it. It makes such a huge impact and I learned what I have through the chronic illness community and a lot of research.

I hope you can find some treatments that work for you! There are a lot of options out there that could hopefully help with gastroparesis, especially with the POTS comorbidity. I’m only just beginning to learn more about POTS since having my diagnosis confirmed.

I’ve tried pyloric Botox since having my tube placed and while it didn’t help me because I have intestinal dysmotility, it is pretty low risk and temporary, and can help indicate if you’re a better candidate for G-POEM or pyloroplasty.

Thank you for your kind words, it really has been a hell of a journey over the past year and I’m stunned that I have a port and a tube in less than a year

[unluckyhoneybee]

I need to rant and get this out.

My experience right now on the route to self dx, self discovery and looking for support:

(English is not my first language, maybe there are some terms written wrong or something, I don't plan to offend anyone, I just literally translate a lot of stuff. If it's the case, tell me and I'll correct it)

I think it was around November when I started seeing these tiktoks about adhd. My first thought was to think that it was bullshit and those weren't symptoms, everyone taps their foot when nervous or stims a bit. Right?

Well, it started bugging me a bit when instead of this "cute and quirky" videos, more serious stuff started to shoe up on my time line. It talked about attention and focus issues, about adhd paralysis, sensory issues, executive disfunction, hyperfocus, etc. I related too much to all of this.

I decided to start researching about this. I literally hyperfocused on Adhd. I could only think about it, watch videos, read, follow people, etc. I discovered that no, some of those symptoms I thought were common for everyone were not. I discovered that yes, everyone can tap their foot when they are nervous, but it's something truly common for adhd people. It's a common trait.

Well, I reached the point in which I needed to start talking to someone. My friend as adhd. She is literally my best friend. I wasn't expecting a reaction like this. I told her I believed I had adhd and she said: No you don't, you are really intelligent. You probably have really high IQ. Cool. I felt like shit and tried to explain to her that I had been reading about certain symptoms and that it made sense. She made me list some of them and then told me that it wasn't adhd, it was probably just something else. "I am very sensitive to noises and crouds and going to bars makes me anxious" "You are really introverted" that shit hurt and for a couple of days I felt lost. At that point I was so sure I had adhd and many things had started to make sense.

Then I talked to my sister and she said, it's alright. What do you plan to do now? I don't know. I still don't know. But she stayed with me, she let me rant and understood, she asked questions and listened to me. Also, she had just made a friend who is working on her diagnosis and I'm so thankful because we are always exchanging experiences.

Coming back to my best friend. When the idea that I have sdhd settled back, I realized that it made her insecure. She is really insecure. She is not the best in the class, she had a hard time studying and passing exams. She always said it's the adhd and she truly believes that it makes you stupid or something (no blame to her, her mental health is on the floor and has too many problems to deal with and fix). I get better grades, I know a lot of stuff about nature, animals, etc so for her, if I have adhd and can pass some exams it means that she is a failure and could do better.

Then, after admitting that I have adhd I started talking to my mum and dad because I'm sure it comes from my dad's side of the family and there are many (dad included) that have adhd in there. Okay. My mum has her doubts. Again, I'm intelligent. How am I going to have an attention deficit?

My cousin (5yo) probably has autism. Everyone in the family is worried because he needs to be "fixed". Bullshit. Yeah. But I have felt very misunderstood for my whole life and I'm not going to play that game. I started researching because I read about Audhd and because Im 90% sure that the kid is autistic. I want to be ready if someone brings it up in my family because I know that they won't do it in a good way.

During this austism research, I started doubting. What if? Again the same process. This time I only told my sister. Watching how my best friend reacted and how my family talks about my cousin's "problem" I don't feel ready.

At this point, I'm almost sure I'm autistic. I ve read about masking, about how adhd and austism can hide each other when they come together, late diagnosis, how girls get less diagnosed, more and more symtoms... I've done countless of test for both, autism and adhd, and they all come out as positive.

The thing is I don't feel ready to reach for Profesional help:

I have always known I'm different from the people around me. I wasn't like the other kids, like my friends. I preferred to stay at home than going to the park. I had a room full of Playmobil where I loved to spend time playing, preferably alone because other kids didn't "play well" (they didn't play the way I thought it should be played). This feeling of being different has always been there, it's like feeling misunderstood. It doesn't matter how much you try to explain, they never fully understand.

My dad just thinks it funny. Jajaja, my kid says I have adhd. My mum still doesn't see it. So you have that too? The only person that supports me is my sister.

For ages i have been trying to tell them that I need boundaries, I don't like physical touch, I need a lot of alone time, I have meltdowns and shutdowns and sometimes can't manage my feelings well. Every time I try to stop them they say I'm rude or have the worst moods. Lili is so rude probably the sentence I have been told the most in my whole life.

I've read some stuff about how sometimes an asd dx can close many doors and don't have many benefits for some people.

I don't want to face my family and have to explain but I really want to because of my cousin. I don't want him to grow this confused because now I look back and many things would have been so different if I knew what was going on. I've felt like shit so many times because I couldn't work out stuff and function it like others wanted me to. If I only had an answer...

I fear negative results. If they tell me I don't have any of this disorders, I know I'm gonna break. Plus, I don't have that much money to go from therapist to therapist.

I really fear rejection and people doubting my words. I don't want to have to prove anything to anyone but I know that it can happen.

I'm in a place in which I have settled for this. My personal experience plus what I have learnt, tell me this is true. I have adhd and asd. I'm not in a good place to look for a proper diagnosis yet, so the self dx is the only option. I'm starting to open up and understand many things about myself and how my brain works but still it is so scary to have to tell people. My symptoms are there, they are just masked. But I also fesr that if I start unmasking people will tell me I'm making it up. So stay "hidden" is the only way right now and it's so frustrating and scary. I wanna feel better and I'm slowly working on it. I'm accomodating my whole life to this new view and it feels good. I don't fear noise canceling earplugs now, or staying at home or just moving away if I need alone time. The rest will slowly come as I learn more and more.

If you have reached this, thank you for taking some time. I needed to get all of this out. Another day, I'll talk about my symptoms and traits, I'm still ordering those and trying to see where everything comes from.

[charlieestudies]

hi hello ! I’m kinda back ? I had the absolute shittest 4 years. last time i was posting regularly i was in the first year of my degree and fucking killing it, thriving, and then the pandemic hit and my grandpa/ father figure passed, i got my autism dx, spent 4 years actively suicidal and escaped my abusive dad/ home situation. my studies went from the centre of my world and my joy to something pushed to the wayside, a constant failure, laced with deep shame and no capacity to fix it. 

I also started doing community work. I’ve worked as a co-researcher on a paper set to be published this year, and presented at the national conference for australia’s primary youth mental health service/ foundation. sure, tafe is easier and less demanding than uni (especially being online and self paced), but I’ve done something. that being said, im taking 6 months off uni entirely and then auditioning for a new uni, a conservatory this time, and going for a double degree that would let me keep pursuing research and disability advocacy. I’ve survived this far- i want to actually live again

idk how much of a community is left on here. having this blog was what kept me in school when i wanted to drop out, and was my space when i was trying to manage the transition to uni and manage with undiagnosed autism and no supports. is there a community left to come back to anymore? am i just shouting into the void? if you’re out there, please shout back. I miss you.

[notquiteaghost]

smth that is [screams] is how i have been on an antidepressant since the summer i turned 18, and i do not anticipate ever not being on an antidepressant. and my sister has been on meds almost as long, and has been on a lot of meds, cuz it has taken a full five years for her to get a bipolar dx and a lithium prescription. which is in the grand scheme of things pretty good but, yknow, wow what if being repeatedly failed by psychiatry wasn't the norm!

anyway. she is, obviously, also going to now be taking a mood stabilizer for the rest of her life. and that is fine. that is fine!!! i wld like someone to work out a mood stabiliser that doesnt have a significant risk of causing organ failure but Being On Medication is vastly preferable to Being So Incredibly Mentally Ill.

the [screams] of it all is my mother. has worked in care specifically for neurodevelopmentally disabled adults almost her whole life. meaning she started in the 80s, meaning she has an understandably terrible opinion of psych meds, because her intro to them was institutionalised people being chemically lobotomised to make the lives of their caregivers easier. plus the more standard 'meds are bad' ableism we all get. and she hadn't unpacked that when i started meds, and she hadn't unpacked that when maddy started meds, and now maddy's on a legitimately dangerous medication and. [screams]

i am very tired. of having to explain things to my mother. what if she cld simply admit to being wrong.

[skold]

you okay buddy?

no i am not anon

listen i gotta get this out on here i’m not doing well with Current Circumstances

cw for the rest of this post for death/cancer/illness related shit

anyway my grandma whom my parents and i live with (yes i still live with family i’m fucking disabled) is rapidly declining in health. vascular dementia, korsakoff syndrome, congestive heart failure, cardiomegaly, and now it’s likely but not confirmed she may have pancreatic or bile duct cancer. she’s 5 foot and like 85 pounds. and to add to things we do not have a good relationship whatsoever because she resents me for being Like This and will openly tell people i’m the family disappointment. and she resents my mom for being born. so like. it’s us and my stepdad having to do everything basically because my moms brothers who are the Golden Children (to use narc language cuz my gma is a textbook narc) are just not showing up to help at all whatsoever and it’s just. i don’t see her in her current state being with us all that much longer especially if the cancer dx is confirmed and idk how to fucking deal with anything. especially cuz i haven’t had a major close family death since i was 3 years old.

so if i seem like i’ve been off or weird or quiet or in a bad mood or inactive it’s because of that

[gascon-en-exil]

"the Khalidstans certainly popularized the take that the Nabatean genocide isn’t a “real” genocide because the victims are light-skinned." Oh dear Lord. Why are there people in this fandom Dx

Probably the worst part is that this take gets repackaged by Edelstans as "killing dragons is normal in other FEs/other RPGs, so the Nabatean genocide doesn't matter/is a good thing actually."

Thankfully, I've never dealt with a Khalidstan. From the sound of it, they like to exoticize brown skinned characters which is positive racism. The pro-segregation thinking they have is just yikes.

But I'd like to ask if you think 3 Nopes killed the FE franchise or just the Fodlanverse? Would IS/KT salvage the situation by backtracking in a DLC? Will there even be a DLC because of the negative reaction the audience had.

I'm not the person to ask if you're looking to analyze sales information and the critical reception that's actually likely to reach IS/KT. Three Hopes has definitely not killed FE as a whole, not when Heroes is what the franchise is running off these days, and I have my doubts that there was ever a planned "Fódlan-verse" when FE doesn't like to stick with one for setting for too long.

Maybe it's made other spinoff projects with these characters seem less tenable, but I've always expected that the next mainline game will be either an original concept (albeit one that draws heavily from what people liked and didn't like about Three Houses) or a remake.

"or that Three Hopes does its best to show that all the house leaders (especially Edelgard) are better off with Byleth." I suppose this is subjective but is this true tho? Arguably, Edelgard and Dimitri come off slightly better without Byleth in Hopes. Only Claude has come off worse in Hopes and that's not because he lacks Byleth, it's honestly because the devs character assassinated him completely. But SB is arguably better for Edelgard than CF was for her. AM vs AG is a toss up for Dimitri.

I was referring to how all the routes have open-ended resolutions...unless you recruit Byleth in SB, because Edelgard only gets her continental conquest if Byleth is with her even in the game where they're not the self-insert. Edelgard's writing may be better in SB compared to CF, but her fate is still conspicuously anchored to Byleth. Claude's not quite as obvious, although you could say that part of the major swerve in his character comes from following Shez's advice and otherwise keeping to himself vs. forming an attachment to Rhea and Fódlan as a whole through Byleth.

Dimitri is, as in Three Houses, the leader least affected by Byleth's presence or absence thanks to his established support network - which may have been a big reason that Rodrigue was made playable in Three Hopes and then killed off if Byleth isn't recruited so that failure will still resonate.

[sketching-shark]

Character huh? How about Long Xiaojiao?

How I feel about this character

Overall a fun and cheerful young woman up until very recent events! It was nice how she had (has? maybe) such an obvious and exuberant love of life even with her struggles with familial expectations. Also really cool how her parents obviously love and want what's best for her and for her to be happy even if the things she loves aren't for them. Her sword and motorbike skills are really cool as well, to say nothing of her ability to manifest an entire dragon. I feel like a big part of her story has been based around the power of healthy communication, both how it helps people and how not doing so can devastate them. Really sucks how the last episode left her in a state of suffering the worst part of her family's legacy (the embedded flame of Samadhi), Sun Wukong's frustrating but perhaps understandable secrecy, & Macaque's frustrating but perhaps understandable refusal to listen to the Monkey King :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don't particularly ship her with anyone at present.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

OBVIOUSLY QI XIAOTIAN. What they have is genuinely one of the strongest friendships I've seen in media. It's awesome how much they support and risk for each other in addition to just enjoying being in each other's company. Friendship so strong they can walk through flames for each other :.)

My unpopular opinion about this character

Hmmmmm little hesitant to say this buuuut I am slightly worried that she's getting roped into being another element of the Sun Wukong bashing that Monkie Kid might be getting into. Like yeah maybe we'll see what kind of tragedy is driving the Monkey King to behave with such disastrous secrecy but between his constant failures with catastrophic consequences (with Long Xiaojiao being the most recent victim of this trend) and now multiple loved characters yelling at him for this (with Long Xiaojiao standing as the most heart-wrenching example) I am a bit worried that the characterization of "stupid monkey who breaks everything" is slowly but steadily creeping into Monkie Kid's portrayal of the Monkey King. And as it is with Long Xiaojiao there is the open question moving forward if her story is going to be more about what she's going to choose to do or if it's going to be about things that are done to her. And either way, with the fallout from the flame of Samadhi being awakened and Long Xiaojiao suffering from it it seems like Qi Xiaotian is going to be forced to choose between Sun Wukong and Long Xiaojiao, as I can't imagine her forgiving the Monkey King for any of this no matter what, at least not right away.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I would love a Long Xiaojiao-centered episode of her just getting a chance to genuinely interact outside of world-shattering circumstances with her great-many-times uncle Ao Guang and maybe the other three Great Dragons of the Four Seas! I think it would be neat to see how her beliefs, morals, love of family, and struggles to determine who she wants to be might play off of these much older and much more established dragons (might also be neat to see some of the long and more sordid histories of some of these dragons get brought up like yell at Sun Wukong all you want for being a thief but Ao Guang literally spent years running what was essentially an extortion racket by causing all kinds of weather-based disasters unless humans gave him tons of offerings DX).

[miraculouscontent]

Didn’t Need Burrow (April 24th-May 3rd)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette is exposed to the world as Ladybug by the end of the series. This is largely so Adrien gets to bask in everyone knowing that HE ended up with Paris' protector on his arm, emphasizing her status as a trophy that he won.

This feels too likely, I hate it.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: After being badgered into trusting her with the Fox, Marinette tries to convince Alya that she can't expose herself as Rena Rouge any further, and should take advantage of the Fox's long-range capabilities to stay hidden. Alya dismisses the danger; if she tries hiding at all, it doesn't take long to reveal herself, claiming it's unheroic to hide. Shadowmoth then targets her personally, with Marinette taking the blame.

I WOULD EXCUSE THE FOX THING IF IT STAYED LONG RANGE BUT I’M WAITING FOR THEM TO RUIN IT

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Rather than outing Ladybug, Alya reveals *herself* as Rena Rouge. She claims that this is fine since Hawkmoth already knows her secret identity... and besides, it gives the LadyBlog more cred!

Because why not I guess, the bar for her is already so low.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will be forced to give up Guardianship/go through the memory wipe... but continue as Ladybug. This is mined for Sadrien AND resets LadyNoir; she no longer recalls all the annoying shit he's pulled, offering a fresh start. May lead into Reversed Rectangular Romance with Chat Noir pining after the old Ladybug while she develops a crush on her brooding partner. He's so ~dark~ and ~mysterious~ and gives her such ~wistful looks~!

Marinette gets to give up guardianship but at what cost. (also, that last line about Chat being dark and brooding)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: In a Shocking Twist, Emilie is revealed to have been evil and manipulative like Chloe/Lila, and presented as solely responsible for her husband's jerkassery. This sets up GabNath as endgame with Gabriel absolved for all his misdeeds. (Any similarities between Emilie and her son's behavior are summarily ignored.)

Because Adrien is male, obviously. He gets a pass.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: A lot of Adrien's supposed childhood friendship with Chloe was actually with Zoe. Which is supposed to give the new character some instant connections and serves as another proof of Chloe being irredeemable. Bonus: Marinette finds out and whether or not she spills the beans, it will be something she'll get called out for.

So, either a retcon or Adrien comes off as even more of a liar in “Origins.”

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Su-Han will tell Marinette outright that her responsibilities mean she's not allowed to be happy. This is used to garner sympathy for HIM - Isn't it sad how his duties have completely consumed his life? Clearly he needs help learning how to unwind and relax! Meanwhile Mari's drowning in the background, but this isn't about HER, now is it?

I’M SO SAD

WHYYY

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien discovers Gabriel's secret and hides the truth, forbidding Plagg from telling anyone. Not just to protect his father/family, but because he's not ready to stop being Chat Noir. No villains means no reason for heroes, and he doesn't even know his lady's secret identity yet--! Naturally, his reasoning is treated as totally understandable and sympathetic, even as he enables the conflict to continue indefinitely.

“CHAT BLANC” VERSION 2.0 I HATE IT DX

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Hawk/Shadowmoth starts aiming to *kill* the exposed/temp heroes in order to prevent them from potentially joining battles. This only happens during akuma fights (so that it falls upon Ladybug to 'set things right' with her powers). Chat Noir makes minimal (if any) effort to protect them, relying upon his 'partner' to carry the day instead and bring them back.

Ladybug: *trying to save everyone*

Chat Noir: *filing his claws in the background*

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will be pressured to make others permanent heroes and let them have their Miraculi full-time. This sets up for Hawkmoth to eventually get his hands on the Miracle Box, meaning any Miraculi that haven't been distributed are now in the villains' clutches. Not only does this dramatically cut down her pool of allies, Marinette gets to be guilt-stricken over failing all her duties and not listening to their demands while she had the chance.

Marinette, you’re such a fAilUrE as guardian!!

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Zoe will turn out to be another love interest for Adrien - only it's as the New-Bee with *Chat Noir*, enabling the dreaded Reversed Romo-Rhombus dynamic with Ladybug becoming jealous of their chemistry.

girls are such jealous types, haven’t you guys heard? :)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Ladybug gets a new default look (for the sake of selling more ML merch in Real Life), trading the spotted onesie for another form-fitting spandex suit that 'highlights her feminine charms' even more. This is treated as a sign of her 'growing up'.

wow i hate it

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya shipping Marinette with both Adrien and Chat Noir after finding out her identity.

I am 100% not here for shipping shenanigans.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will be responsible for leading Lila to suspect that Marinette and Ladybug are connected. Though Alya may actually *realize* that she slipped up, she won't warn Marinette about the potential security breach, not wanting her to get upset/any more paranoid than she already is.

And of course, this will be used to make people “sympathize” with her. See, she cAreS about Marinette’s feelings, how can you be mad at her for this??

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: There will be more plots where Marinette's 'lesson of the week' is that she must learn how to better control and suppress her emotions, and that she is literally not ALLOWED to be upset because Hawk/Shadowmoth will win if she does. At the same time, Adrien is encouraged to marinate in his own unhappiness over Ladybug not giving in to his advances. If the danger involved ever comes up, it's presented as purely Ladybug/Marinette's fault for rejecting him.

I’m starting to think some of you are ZAG insiders because wow that sounds likely. DX

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: A recurring theme in episodes featuring the 'girl squad' will be Marinette meddling too much, as her efforts to help them cross boundaries THEY aren't comfortable with. If she dares to bring up their past insistence that friends don't keep secrets, they'll call her out as a hypocrite while refusing to acknowledge their own hypocrisies.

“Marinette’s boundaries? Who??? No, Marinette, what about THEIR boundaries???” - the writers

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien will feel sorry for Chloe and regret the role he played in her losing her Miraculous. This is mainly a vehicle to help explain why everything that went wrong with her/Queen Bee is totally, 100% Marinette/Ladybug's fault, along with showing how forgiving Adrien is and how he 'sees the best in everyone', and is clearly right to do so. Bonus: this is combined with him distrusting the NewBee for not being Chloe/making her jealous.

*sigh*

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chloe will get akumatized out of anger over the New Bee, and Ladybug is blamed for her insensitivity/forced to apologize to her.

I’m still stunned at the mental gymnastics they go through to make Marinette/Ladybug apologize to people.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Su-Han will confirm the popular fan claim that Ladybug and Black Cat bearers are, in fact, soulmates/bound together by destiny. Chat Noir gleefully rubs this in Ladybug's face; her disbelief and horror is played entirely for laughs at her expense. Adrien's behavior escalates further afterwards, bolstered by the knowledge that it doesn't matter how shitty he gets, as she belongs to him regardless.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: In addition to confirming the notion that Ladybugs and Black Cats are 'meant to be', it's revealed that other Miracli are destined soulmates, like Foxes and Turtles or Butterflies and Peacocks, and other random Miraculi pairings that 'coincidentally' align with various official ships.

brb, need to step away to scream on my porch

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: At least one episode will have Marinette mess up a potion, preventing her and the other heroes from enjoying its benefits during a big fight. This is blamed either on her anxiety causing her to overthink it or on her being a poor student, lamenting the fact that she didn't have more time with Master Fu. (Bonus if Su-Han takes advantage of this to slam Fu; extra bonus points if Mari defends him by insisting *she* was the one who screwed up, not her master.)

It’s like a main course of Marinette blame, oh my god.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Su-Han will make various sexist comments about Marinette and the other heroines, implying that they were all poor choices Because Girl. Since nothing says 'Girl Power' like insisting they must prove themselves to doubtful men who will never fully accept them. After all, Marinette is the only one who ever learns lessons; therefore, Su-Han will never grow out of his 'old-fashioned views'.

And when the writers are called out, they’ll go, “bUt hE’s jUst oLd fAshiOned”

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien gets his Ring revoked by Su-Han for misbehavior. This is depicted as a terrible miscarriage of justice, and Marinette must convince Su-Han to return the Ring without learning who Chat Noir is. The more terrible the inciting act, the bigger the bonus points; did he skip another battle like Glaciator? Pull another Syren-level stunt? Cataclysm another innocent? Who cares? Sadrien is Sad, and that's the biggest crisis of all...

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien pulls another Syren-level stunt (or worse); rather than holding him responsible, Su-Han berates Marinette for her poor leadership and failure to keep him in line. Bonus if she confides/vents to Alya afterwards only for Alya to AGREE with Su-Han that she's failed at being a good partner to Chat Noir. Fever Mode activates if Alya implies Marinette's failure is due to her inability to admit her feelings for Chat Noir and/or confess to Adrien.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will pull an Adrien re: Lila, refusing to openly support Marinette against her. She'll claim that they need to 'gather evidence' first before exposing her to everyone. In practice, this means that Alya is willing to continue feigning ignorance, pretending that she's taken in by Lila's lies, while Marinette continues to suffer since she won't play along. Any evidence-gathering we see Alya engaging in is minimal, if she's shown doing it at all.

This is 150% one of the most accurate Alya-Lila confrontations I’ve seen from these predictions.

I hate it.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: When confronting Lila, Alya will insist that 'Ladybug told me herself' that they aren't friends. Lila attempts to convince her that Ladybug is lying to try and protect her; this either works or spurs Alya to declare that LB 'hates liars', making her suspicious of Marinette's potential connections to the superheroine.

Alya

Alya why

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will only treat Marinette with anything approaching a veneer of respect while she's Ladybug. (As in 'Transformed/wearing the spotted suit/actively superheroing'.) Her behavior towards her 'regular BFF', meanwhile, will continue to degrade.

and, as a alternative:

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Having learned that Marinette = Ladybug, Alya shows less and less respect towards the superheroine. (Not that she displayed much in the first place, but you know what they say: familiarity breeds contempt. And Alya's convinced that she knows her SO WELL, despite all signs to the contrary...)

Thanks. Hate them both. T_T

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will end up outing Ladybug in a moment of anger. Though this is treated as impulsive and spur-of-the-moment, the act itself hints otherwise. (For example, she posts it on the LadyBlog; that post had to be *written up* first, and she likely had to think about what evidence she'd use to back up her claim... Not to mention if she includes pictures or video. Showing that Alya thought about it well before her 'tipping point', no matter how she claims otherwise.)

okay but you missed the part where Marinette is blamed for it--

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Tikki's comments about kwamis not understanding love are foreshadowing that they will later claim that Ladybug and Chat Noir's relationship has shown them what true love is. Because none of the other relationships they've ever seen or experienced in their long, looooooong history compare to the Four-Cornered F**kery.

Tikki sure knew a lot about love when she commented on all of Marinette’s love issues.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Kagami will come to regret 'impulsively' breaking up with Adrien for being a lying jerkface, while Luka moves on and finds happiness with somebody else with relative ease. Because guys are allowed to move on with their lives while girls have to wallow in the miserable mires of wish-you-were-(still)-mine. Woes--!

no but see Adrien is “worthy” of love while Marinette isn’t

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette is either responsible for the secret Juleka's keeping (such as trusting her with a Miraculous) or inadvertently sets Rose on its scent in the first place, making her *supposedly* responsible for the strife which follows.

We already know that it’s not Juleka’s secret at least but Marinette could absolutely still set Rose off.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will be taught techniques/given a power-up that shuts off her emotions completely, or simply reaches the point where she figures out how to do so on her own. This is ultimately shown to be a bad thing/another mistake not because of the toll it takes on her psyche, but because the fully repressed Marinette/Ladybug no longer has any interest whatsoever in Adrien, and *we can't have THAT!*

Us getting to see Marinette not crushing on Adrien... but at what cost?

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya posts more embarrassing content on the LadyBlog, making it look like Ladybug keeps screwing up/making mistakes. Marinette asks her to stop, worried that she's undermining people's faith in her; Alya blows off her concerns and accuses her of getting a swelled head/becoming a 'control freak' about her image, insisting it's no big deal if people see she's human while refusing to treat her as such. (Meanwhile none of Chat Noir's mistakes/misbehavior make it onto the blog.)

“Bonus” if Alya gets particularly huffy because it’s jOunrAliSm and she’d be bIAsEd if she took down something that made her fRiEnD uNComOFTablE.

elflynns-horde-of-stuff said:

Don't need a burrow: The upcoming episode "Guiltrip" is gonna be 50% Sadrien. And we won't even get any new developments on his character for it.

so the usual

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: It's revealed that Ladybug holders are 'natural good luck charms' for everybody around them, but are punished by karmic backlash for even the *slightest* hint of selfishness (or self-consideration). Hence Marinette's whole plight, which is still presented as her fault for not being able to reach an impossibly perfect ideal. (Anything we learn about Black Cat holders, meanwhile, is purely for Agrestangst and has no bearing on anything observable within the show itself.)

Honestly, with the bad luck Marinette had in “Origins,” you’d think she’d be meant for the cat and been taught about the values of destruction and just being able to Go Off on people, or how to spin her bad luck into something good (or the black cat miraculous in general helps her channel her bad luck, such as making her Cataclysm stronger or being able to give her bad luck to others).

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The show ends with Marinette and Adrien getting together, with Marinette declaring that everything she went through was worth it and that she's 'incredibly lucky' -- that the fact fate brought them together is 'nothing short of Miraculous!'

The sheer level at which I just cringed in immeasurable.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: A S5 episode will drop before S4 is finished.

Oh! Ahaha, we’ve got a wavelength, anon! I actually already added that one at some point.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: The series will not really make Rose/Juleka canon. They will imply it but the official language used in the episode will be "best friends". Yet on Twitter the creators will pat themselves on the back repeatedly for it

I mean, this already partially happened in “Reflekdoll” so--

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: It'll be confirmed beyond any reasonable doubt that Adrien 100% knows about Marinette's crush when he uses it to manipulate her. Plagg comments on it, and Adrien affirms that he knows, but her feelings don't compare to his own for Ladybug. ('And aren't worth sparing' goes unsaid, but is naturally implied.) Naturally, his manipulation of her is treated as 'clever', and any pain or mortification she feels as a result is just gravy.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien reveals to Plagg (and the audience) that he's fully aware of Marinette's crush, but refuses to acknowledge it because he doesn't want to 'crush her dreams', comparing it to how Ladybug keeps rejecting him. Making the situation entirely about HIM and how HE feels, even showing some resentment towards her for HAVING that crush for HIM to deal with. Marinette and her feelings are painted as just an ANNOYANCE that he's ignoring, heedless of the impact upon her.

wow i hate them both

thank you, both of you

</3

[porcupine-girl]

Well, I did not make my writing goal for 2021. It was 300k words, and I got to 291,905. I was ahead of schedule for much of the year, then the end-of-semester grading crunch hit. I was STILL ahead of schedule actually, I only needed like 17k for December (when 300k is a 25k/month pace).

Then I left for our holiday travel, needing about 14k and thinking I’d have no problem knocking that out while hanging out with family, writing after the kids have gone to bed. I usually get a decent amount of writing done then. Maybe not 14k usually but it was a reachable goal.

Instead, this has been the most stressful trip home in a long time (certainly not EVER - it doesn’t beat out the time I was dx with cancer over winter break!). There’s Covid of course, and having to fly during that to see my husband’s family. But my sister’s house has also been a very tense and stressful place - NOT my sister’s fault at all, but there are like three separate factors that have combined to make my brain simply incapable of doing anything.

I managed to get about 5k out. Some prompt fills, some editing the omgcpbb fic as I post it, some adding on to some old WIPs that will never quite be abandoned. Most of those words have been destiel, believe it or not. There are some magazine queries due in January but I sat down to try to come up with ideas for them and my brain just shut down. And the issue themes are things that should be absolute gimmes for me, they’re so far up my alley they’re knocking on my back door.

So the idea that I’ve failed at this goal I’ve had all year, this goal that I’ve spent all year sure I would hit because I was so far ahead, has been one more source of stress. I know that I should be proud of what I did do - my goal for 2020 was 250k, and I barely hit that, so I wrote 40k more than last year! I hit a million words on ao3! I’m prepping to query agents for my picture books! I am not a failure!

IDK how to make my brain stop clinging to those last 8100 words that didn’t happen. But I set a goal for 300k again this year. If I bumped it down to 250k it feels like it would be admitting defeat. So we’ll see how that goes.

[thecirculararchive]

Time for a short post called “why I’m okay with self DXers”

Okay so this is a charged topic and feel free to skip it. I’m on mobile and have no idea how to do read mores anymore so sorry bought the rant yall but it’s also A Night for me tonight and I gotta say shit

So for those who don’t know, we are self diagnosed, meaning we aren’t actually diagnosed in the slightest, but we’re p sure we got DID or OSDD-1. Dunno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But p sure. Now I’ve gotten so much shit for this in the past and that shit carried with me because it made me seriously doubt my own existence, being an alter. Like. Am I really just such a strong feeling like... RP character? Cause people accused me of basically being role play. That shit hurt Y’know?

But here’s the thing I thought about tonight. I spent Goddamn fucking years shoving down every aspect of myself that didn’t conform to the identity my parents wanted, while trying to do the same to any part that didn’t conform to the relationship I was vaguely in. I spent years breaking myself down and chipping away at who I was for the sole purpose of other people. And that shit broke me so hard that I’m like 99.99% sure I’ve got a severe mental disorder.

So what if I had, instead of accepting I might have DID and hesitantly let myself into the outskirts of this community and allow myself to feel like I had people who knew I wasn’t crazy and allow myself to feel even the slightest bit of acceptance —— what if I had shoved this part down too??

What if I had gone through college, telling myself the voices in my head were fake? Telling myself I was clearly just stupid for forgetting classes, rather than dissociative amnesia? Telling myself I was a failure for never sleeping, instead of acknowledging and working out with the alter who kept staying up that she needed to sleep? What if I had never accepted that something is fucked up inside me? And just kept pretending, because me being fucked up doesn’t fit into my parents grand world view?

I woulda killed myself. Absolutely. I have 0 doubt I woulda died. Because fuck this life. Fuck existing for others and fuck pretending I’m not who I am. By being able to be open to my friends and have this space on tumblr to figure out who we are, I finally felt LOVED by people and as though I had a place and LIKE I WASNT CRAZY. All cause I researched this disorder and felt so strongly it was what I have.

Look. I’m not saying self dx is good. I plan to go to a therapist and doctors and all that good shit the instant I’m safe to. And if they tell me I don’t have DID - great. That’s fine!! But wearing this label right now is keeping me alive, because if it’s not a label I can have right now, then I’m just a regular person who is pretending to be fucked up, and that shit deserves to die. Meaning I would kill myself.

Idk I’m tired and this is all getting away from me. TLDR, I’m okay with self dx just please get a therapist ASAP because you aren’t really qualified to give yourself a permanent label, just one that you can be comfortable in until you get the right one.

[wildermouse]

Ohh so you're adhd too? Can I ask what it is like to you and what kind of stuff you find helping you deal with it?

i’m not diagnosed but i’ve never been so sure of a diagnosis. i also feel it doesn’t harm anyone if i self-dx on this one. but it explains SO much!! i have the inattentive type, formerly called ‘add’ because i tend to lack the hyperactivity aspect and instead have trouble focusing my attention on things i’m supposed to / aren’t passionate about. it looks like me watching something on the tv while also drawing or scrolling through tumblr or instagram or snacking because if i don’t have something to keep my mind and hands busy i won’t be able to concentrate on the show and will just end up turning it off. it doesn’t really make sense but it also does. it looks like me interrupting my friends conversation bc something she said reminded me of something and i need to say it NOW otherwise i’ll forget but usually that leads to me telling a whole ass story where i jump from point A to point F to point X to point B and back to point A. it looks like me asking “sorry i wasn’t paying attention can you repeat that” because my mind drifted onto a topic and i had a full debate about it in my head and tuned everything out by accident. it looks like me constantly biting my nails and lip mindlessly because it’s a stim. it looks like me waking up even more tired than i was when i went to sleep even if i got 10 hours of sleep because my brain doesn’t shut off like everyone else’s when i’m asleep and i also tend to wake up multiple times in the night every night. it looks like me hyperfixating on a show or task that i love and nothing else matters or gets any of my time because i need to put ALL my focus into this one thing. it looks like me dropping out of high school because i couldn’t focus on a fucking thing.

it’s only a new thing i’ve discovered. i didn’t think it was possible for me to have adhd as i believed hyperactivity was the main part of it and i’m definitely not that. but a few months ago i discovered that there’s a lot more to it than that, and everything else fits the bill. but i’ve learned there is a TON of validation on the internet for people with adhd. there are so many reassuring posts and articles about how you’re not lazy, you’re not a failure, things are harder for you than someone without adhd because of these reasons, etc. it’s really helped me to be kinder and more understanding of myself and why i am the way i am. we’re totally wired differently. i am considering getting diagnosed and trying adhd meds to see what difference it would make. it’d be interesting to feel how life would be like when i’m able to do things lol

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

I am of the opinion that PQ2 should have been released AFTER P5R

Tbh PQ2 is placed where it is because of the 3DS' life cycle. I'd place it farther but the PQ series working on Switch(+maybe other places) is most likely reliant on the/an EO's switch game (to help adjust the formula). If it wasn't for that, I'd probs slowly remake/port P1-4 while spewing out more/different P5 spinoffs before we get to PQ2. (so I don’t disagree, there’s a couple of ways they could’ve gone about it, but even tho it’s speculation it’s fun, none of it matters cause we probs got the worst timeline ;w; anyway time to just ramble about related stuff 8U) (but I would love to hear your opinion as to why you think that’s the case!)

Word vomit word vomit~! Under the cut cause I can’t reply like a normal person 8U ;x; (don’t mind me the gears started-a-turning aklfjdsakl)

Tho tbh, from what we got with PQ2, I dunno if Adding Sumi and Jose would be good. PQ2 is pretty directionless with it's cast imo, like it has something to say but half the time they feel like mouthpieces and not actually......the characters we know being involved. It already has a handful of b/c/d/f plots and it barely even dives deeper than a kids wadding pool with them orz I'd say what's the harm in adding Sumi/Jose since it already can't handle the cast it's been dealt it won't hurt having two more, but do I WANT Sumi/Jose (and possibly Takuto) to suffer for that? Nah. I'd rather we get a PQ3, were we can focus on the implications of Sumi having just awakened and the team side eyeing Joker/Mona for not telling them and all those implications. Her bonding with the team would probs be drowned out by Hamu and Hikari (when they actually feel like giving them some focus that is), plus Goro's stupid bullshit just.......listen.... PQ1? Chars can be a biiiiit mean at times, and are flanderized, but damn do they all feel involved and still have some remnant of their original personality (they aren't flanderized all the time and not all chars are flanderized) but man did they feel important to the game. DX I’ll take it over the clustered bullshit that is PQ2 orz

Anyway, tbh, now that I think about it, P5R should’ve been released in 2021ish time. For a PS4/PS5 release. Would’ve given the PS5 another flag ship game, and justifying it on another console as well (plus a 4 year gap feels a little more justified than a 3 year gap, esp when there’s a new console involved). It also doesn’t help we got two horrible failures of spinoffs in between P5 and P5R (one is the P3/5D and yes I’m counting them as one game, and PQ2 who is at best a slog and at worst is one of the biggest thorn in my side lore wise since P5 sauntered onto the scene...that being said I mostly blame the failure of that game on the dead console it was on). A remake and/or Scramble honestly should’ve been the next game right then and there (oh hey where have I seen that before? Oh right, P4. And it worked, we had about 3 remakes/enhanced ports before our Arena/sequel but still it worked). Not “cash grab the game” or “let’s just set the poor thing up for failure” the game. Like PQ2 would’ve been ok to fail if we at least got a remake and P5S (and I really don’t give a shit about P5S, but it def should’ve been there early on). 

And an extra bonus with P5S releasing early is that, after P5R released, we could have a P5S re-release with a tweaked storyline maybe involving Goro/Sumi/Jose/yadda yadda on the PS5! Is that a bit cash grabby? Maybe. Is it at least cash grabby with a purpose? Yes. We want purpose. Purpose is good. Purpose, means they have our interests in mind. 8U

*inhales* tbh....the PQ2 we got....could’ve/would’ve worked better without the P5 cast. I KNOW, Silly hates-a-the-P5, but.....at this point it’s not even that. There is one char that really tries hard to relate with Hikari that isn’t the shut in bullshit (yeah sure let’s give Futaba more screen time, it’s not like she didn’t have enough of that, nothing against shut ins, just P5/Q2′s writing). And it’s Hamuko. regardless how you feel about the FeMC, the B plot of “I am all alone, I am separated from my loved ones, the same loved ones I see look the same but aren’t them (oh hey another Tatsuya parallel 8U), and to top it off some stranger is in the role I’m supposed to be in. Am I replaceable? What’s the point of my existence if I’m not the only one who can fulfil this role?” have an entire game based on that existential crisis. We don’t even need the same setting/cast (Hikari/Nagi/Doe), actually I’d keep the Climax Theater but I’d lean HEAVILY into the P2 references/themes and such (Hamu already has a lot in common with Tatsuya, this just adds to it even more!). That B plot with Hamu could probs carry a game itself, or her issues can easily tie into the A plot of that game (like how Rei/Zen’s did with PQ1). Don’t delegated it to a watered down B plot that PQ2 gave us. jfjsadfj hell this probs would’ve been a better time for Sumi to be involved instead. Instead of the P5R new char, she’s the new PQ char and hey they can bond over that (sure we can do that in the current PQ2 game, but we can’t fit it in that well cause we have to tell the P5 cast how cool we think they are! even tho they haven’t really done anything but breathe! >8U)

It’d be a good follow up to PQ1 esp if released not long after, with it being a P3xP4 crossover, it’d 1) feel almost like a direct sequel, 2) riding the coattails of PQ1′s success at the most timely of times, 3) connected with 2 but it’d be at the hype of the 3DS, 4) we don’t have to worry about fans not knowing who they are since that cast is still relevant, 5) it gets Hamu’s thing out of the way so that PQ3 can allow the P5 kids to shine! Cause I’mma be honest, the PQ2 we got doesn’t really make them stand out, outside of the Kamoman dungeon. Plus it’d allow us to give more screen time to juicier B plots that people probably wish for with a P5 involved PQ game (such as Goro, I know y’all thirsty for him, this benefits you guys!)

Ah sorry you probs didn’t want a rant klasdjfalf just tired and the gears started turning and ahhhhh orz Anyway, again, I don’t disagree with you anon, I def think they could’ve done things differently and done it a lot of different ways too. XU And btw I’d love to hear more why you think that! 

[dxmedstudent]

Dx talks contraception.

As I mentioned in my post on the NHS Contraceptive choices tool, contraceptives matter. There’s still something taboo about talking about contraceptives. Women do, all the time, but like periods, it’s not seen as polite conversation in mixed company. But honestly? Screw that attitude. I think contraception should be talked about honestly and widely, until it’s seen as about as controversial as haemorrhoid cream or eye drops. Because it’s just another tool to make our lives better and look after our bodies. I have no patience with the idea that people shouldn’t be allowed to control their reproductive destiny beause it’s against nature or it’s against someone else’s religious beliefs. Contraception is healthcare; it allows people, particularly women, to make informed choices about how and when to have kids, and allows them to, if they choose, create a family of their choosing when they can actually support it. Yes, contraceptive medication can have health benefits for a lot of people, and that shouldn’t be underplayed. But the appearance of medication that meant people could enjoy intimacy without the fear of unwanted and unplanned pregnancy has been lifechanging for many people. Using contraception is pretty uncontroversial in the UK, so I still feel really weirded out that there seem to be lots of people in the US who stigmatise it. It’s also hideously expensive in the US, if that post by PP that I reblogged today is accurate. I feel privileged to be able to go to my GP or a sexual health clinic and get literally whatever form of contraceptive I want (as long as it is safe for me), absolutely free at the point of care. I 'd really like to see more contraceptives for men and trans women on the market; it’s about time that the burden didn’t lie quite so heavily with the people getting pregnant; it takes two to tango after all. I want to see people talk about it more; we need to acknowledge the side effects, the difficulties in getting it right, the risks of failure and the effect it has on our lives when women and trans men take on the majority of the burden.

Anyhow, so I thought I’d start by talking about myself.

I’ve been getting pretty tired of juggling periods with oncalls; at least one circle of hell has to feature you running around on a hell shift for 13h whilst trying not to bleed on yourself, and popping pills to manage the unholy combination of cramps and IBS that comes along with it. As for premenstrual symptoms; I love the unpredictability of not knowing whether this month you’ll be angry or anxious or sad or just feel something else so, so much, completely out of the blue and with intensity. Or, in fact, the unpredictability of having an irregular cycle altogether. I’ve also been thinking about whether I might have PCOS, but that’s a story for another day.  At any rate, I've often thought about what I could do about these things, but put it off because life was busy, and having periods wasn’t ruining my life, though it made it unpleasant at times. But when you start to see people, then thinking about contraception becomes an even more important issue. I hate uncertainty and risk, and I know that accidentally having kids in the next couple of years would be the wrong thing for me (and no doubt, whoever I’m seeing). So I want to not only protect myself, but also avoid a lot of unnecessary anxiety that would come with using less reliable methods alone. People never talk about the mental health benefits of reliable contraception, but just imaine how much uncertainty and dread it can take away. I work shifts, am pretty busy, and know that if I eventually have any concerns that my protection has messed up (which, you know, happens to people), dealing with it in a timely manner would be a major hassle that could affect my work. So I needed something as reliable as possible, that fit into my busy, chaotic life. I evaluated my options, used my friendly tool, and picked the contraceptive implant. To be honest, I’d been thinking about going for the implant long before I even started dating this time around. I don’t mind needles but I am terrible at remembering to take medications and I get up at different times on lots of days due to shifts; I know I’d be high risk for forgettin to take pills. I’ve always joked that if I ever had to take the pill, I’d get so pregnant. I just don’t have the time or energy for organising monthly injections or making sure I get patches, and anyhow, if I do want a family, I don’t want to have to wait for the delay in fertility that sometimes comes long with them.  I don’t want to have to keep a track of whether I put in a ring or didn’t, and frankly, the fear that it might have fallen out, or what happens if I drop it on the ground would be pretty offputting. I’m a busy, slightly scatterbrained person who just wanted the most reliable, least effort type of thing I could opt for, so that whether I’m even sexually active or not, it’s there doing its job quietly in the background for a few years and I can carry on with my life. I really like that you can feel it in your arm; it feels reassuring knowing that it’s there. I joke that I’m a bionic woman.

It goes without saying, though, kids, that even if you have a reliable, long acting reversible form of contraception, you still need to think about barrier protection for infections. It doesn’t replace staying safe and making sure your partner is tested. But given that condoms aren’t always reliable I’ve always been a believer that you can never be too careful.

The procedure itself was straightforward; I got some cold spray local anaesthetic, and then the implant was inserted with a big needle. It hurt and bled quite a bit more than I expected it to  and then came up with a massive bruise. An informal poll of quite a few of my lady friends revealed that in general they and their sisters didn’t have too many difficulties, and a lot less pain and bruising. I’m pretty sure I was just really unlucky, but the nurse was great and I have no complaints. I’m a doc; I recognise that sometimes these things happen. It might cause more issues when it’s time to come out, but honestly, that’s a problem for Future Dx to worry about. That said, I’d consider a little haemoglobin to be a reasonable sacrifice for absolute reliability and the fact that if I get on well with it, for the next three years I don’t have to worry about making sure I don’t get pregnant. Hell, even if you aren’t seeing anyone at all, it can just sit there, in case you need it at some point in those 3 years. I love that it’s very reliable, and there’s almost no way my scatterbrained self can mess it up. You can’t predict which side effects you’ll get, though you can look up which ones are less likely to have particular symptoms and try them out and hope for the best. I timed having my implant so that if I have any horrible side effects, I could find time to fix things and they wouldn’t happen at too crucial a time. So I recommend planning for things like this early and at convenient times for yourself; you never know how things are going to work out. It’s also important to try to think about contraception before you need it; even if that is something like condoms.

So far, I’m good on the side effect front, but we’ll see how things continue. The main negative so far is that the bruise was massive and took ages to fade. I wore a dressing over it at first, and wore long sleeves to work (and out), because it looked pretty noticeable. When I eventually took the dressings off, I couldn’t even cover it up with a cardigan any more because it’s just too hot on the wards. The fading bruise drew more attention and concern from everyone at work than I expected. It’s not particularly embarrassing for a grownass woman so I can be pretty blunt about it, but I’m not sure everyone really wants to know.