#how am I to emotionally recover from THAT

[cuntyji]

HOW TO LOOSE YOUR DIGNITY IN FIVE SECONDS: A HOLI SPECIAL ౨ৎ JJK MEN HEADCANONS

synopsis: holi, the festival of colors, love, and inevitable regrets, has finally arrived. you’ve been waiting all year for this, but the real highlight of the day? your boyfriend’s first holi. whether he’s excited or absolutely dreading it, well… that depends on which one you’re talking about.

content warnings: gender neutral reader, jjk men headcannons (gojo, nanami, geto, toji, shiu, choso, no sukuna this time rip). mentions of hemp. lots of crack, based on many true stories <3

author's note: tell a friend she's back!! thank u for being patient with my break. happy holi if you celebrate, stay safe and have fun :)

gojo’s white hair is a warzone. not a single strand has been spared from the riot of colors that have taken him hostage. you can practically map out the battlefield on his head—electric blue from nobara’s ambush, a blotchy green courtesy of megumi’s grudge, streaks of pink and yellow from random kids who saw an opportunity, and, of course, the deep purple near his roots that is just part of him. his blindfold was a victim early on, ripped away in the opening skirmish, which left his poor six eyes to fend for themselves.

but does he regret it? absolutely not.

“this is the best holiday ever,” he announces, lying on the ground, looking like a pack of expired skittles. he’s positively beaming, grinning wide enough to blind anyone who still has uncolored vision left. “i am beauty. i am art. i am suffering.”

he sits up, running a hand through his hair, then pauses when some of the color transfers onto his palm. his grin falters for half a second before he recovers with a nervous chuckle. “this’ll come out, right? right?”

you don’t have the heart to tell him that some of these colors might have permanently altered his hair. it’ll be fun when he washes it and realizes his shampoo is an accomplice in ruining his life.

nanami thought he was prepared. in his mind, he had planned the ultimate holi defense strategy. crisp white shirt (because nothing says class like a man in white), sunscreen slathered on every inch of his exposed skin (because he would rather die than let the sun and colors double-team him), and a last-minute decision to invest in contact lenses because, well, the alternative was his glasses being held hostage by a bunch of lunatics.

big. mistake.

he comes back looking like a broken man. his shirt? unrecognizable. the white fabric has been violated in every color of the rainbow, some areas more aggressively attacked than others. his hair? streaked with color despite his best efforts to avoid it. and the worst part? the contacts.

nanami rubs his temples, his face twisted into a deep frown. “never again,” he mutters, looking like he’s reliving chapter 120 in real-time. he blinks rapidly, eyes irritated beyond belief, and you realize his biggest mistake was trusting those flimsy lenses to protect him.

you try—really try—to hold back your laughter. “so… the contact lenses?”

he lets out the slowest, most exhausted sigh. “i thought they would protect me.” a pause. then, bitterly: “i was wrong.”

you take in his utterly defeated state, the way he looks more emotionally drained than physically tired, and pat his arm sympathetically.

“on the bright side,” you offer, “you don’t have to worry about wearing white ever again.”

nanami closes his eyes. inhales. exhales. then, in a voice heavy with regret, says, “i miss my old life.”

toji fushiguro is that guy—the one who shows up to holi in all black like he’s at a funeral, fully aware of what’s about to happen to him but too stubborn to dress accordingly. maybe he thought he’d intimidate people into leaving him alone. maybe he thought the dark clothes would somehow hide the damage. either way, he thought wrong.

his face is mostly untouched, purely because no one can reach him. at his height, the average holi enthusiast doesn’t stand a chance. the few who dared to aim for his head either missed or got that look—the one that made them rethink all their life choices up until that moment. but his torso? completely massacred. the black fabric of his shirt has been ruined by every color imaginable, soaked through and weighing him down like a second skin.

toji tugs at his drenched shirt, scowling. “this is bullshit.”

you raise an eyebrow. “it’s literally holi. what did you expect?”

“not to be walking around in clothes that feel like they weigh twenty kilos,” he grumbles. he shifts uncomfortably, flexing his arms like that’ll somehow shake off the moisture. “shoulda just taken my shirt off.”

you glance at his utterly destroyed torso, streaked with a chaotic mix of colors, and smirk. “probably wouldn’t have helped. they went straight for your chest.”

toji knows. he can smell the disaster on himself—especially that horrible silver paint someone had the audacity to slap onto him. it’s clinging to his skin like a bad memory, and the worst part? it’s shiny. he feels like a failed art project.

he huffs, rubbing at a stubborn stain. “if i gotta be drenched, might as well be in red. at least then i can scare the little brats off and tell ‘em it’s blood.”

you give him a look. “so your solution is to traumatize children?”

toji shrugs, unapologetic. “ain’t my fault they’d believe it.”

geto approaches holi with the grace of a man who thinks he can organize chaos. he is all about class, aesthetics, and, most importantly, justice. while others run around like feral animals, flinging colors with reckless abandon, geto has meticulously arranged brass plates filled with neatly piled color powders. the water? prepared in large buckets, not for anarchy, but for people to responsibly fill their water guns. everything is meant to be orderly, beautiful, a functionable and fun holi experience.

he forgets that during holi, no one cares about any of that.

the moment he turns his back, all hell breaks loose.

one person—an absolute menace to society—takes a single look at the perfectly filled water bucket and dumps the entire thing on him. and just as geto is still processing the betrayal, the rest of them follow suit, overturning the entire mountain of color onto him like an avalanche.

it’s a spectacle.

he is left drenched, color clinging to every inch of his soaked clothes, dripping down his face in thick streaks. his once dignified, elegant aura? gone. instead, he’s standing there, utterly stunned, spitting out what can only be described as liquid rainbow.

you approach cautiously, trying—failing—to suppress your laughter.

geto wipes a hand down his face, looking at the sheer amount of color that comes off. he then glances at you, eyes filled with the weary realization of a man who should’ve known better.

“i’m going to have blue teeth by the end of this, aren’t i?” he mutters.

you nod, absolutely delighted at his suffering. “at least you made holi… functional.”

he exhales sharply, color still dripping from his chin. “never. again.”

shiu kong is the epitome of holi with class. while others are running around like headless chickens, he’s standing off to the side, nursing a drink that could only be described as delectable. a perfect mix, smooth, refined—enhanced, of course, with a liiiiittle hemp, because holi is about tradition. he’s not here to get drenched like some peasant. he’s here to enjoy himself.

or so he thought.

he doesn’t even realize the impending disaster until it’s too late. a horde of parched, wide-eyed kids approach him, looking up expectantly, their little hands outstretched. and shiu, in his blissfully buzzed state, barely registers what’s happening before he just hands over the drink with a lazy flick of his wrist.

there’s a beat of silence. then, chaos.

within minutes, he has unleashed the apocalypse. half the kids are suddenly hyperactive, screaming like banshees, running at inhuman speeds with fully loaded water guns, soaking anything and everything in their path. the other half? slumped against walls, swaying slightly, looking like they just saw the secrets of the universe and were not prepared for it.

shiu blinks. realization dawns. he looks down at his now-empty glass.

“…ah, shit.”

you stare at him, half-horrified, half-amused. “tell me you did not just give bhang to an army of children.”

shiu drags a hand down his face. “…i was feeling generous.”

a high-pitched, manic shriek cuts through the air as a color-streaked child launches a water balloon with the accuracy of a trained assassin. shiu watches it fly in slow motion before it smacks a poor soul across the face.

he exhales, stepping back like a man about to abandon ship. “alright. time to leave.”

choso is excited. painfully so. he’s that guy—the one who stations himself in a corner of the arena (or wherever the battlefield of holi has been set) with mountains of snacks and drinks, ready to distribute them at a moment’s notice. hydration is key, he insists. everyone should be well-fed. he’s got an entire system set up, like some kind of holi hospitality committee operating out of sheer enthusiasm.

but when people call him over to actually play, he gets all bashful. he waves them off, shaking his head, mumbling stuff like, "i’m good! you guys have fun!" like he’s some self-sacrificing monk who exists solely to ensure the well-being of others.

that is, until he joins in.

the second he steps into the fray, it’s like something possesses him. the bashfulness? gone. the gentle, food-distributing guardian? replaced. choso goes feral. suddenly, he’s dual-wielding a water gun and a hose pipe, simultaneously, with the skill of a trained marksman. he’s unstoppable. entire groups of people scatter in sheer terror because how is he this accurate?! even those his age shriek and flee for their lives when he mercilessly drenches them.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING SHY?!” someone screams, barely dodging a ruthless stream of water.

choso, entirely deadpan, reloads his water gun. “i changed my mind.”

it’s absolute carnage. colors flying, people falling, screams ringing out—until the moment food is announced.

the instant he hears the words "lunch is ready!" the switch flips right back. suddenly, he’s all smiles again, cheerfully walking toward the food like he wasn’t just waging war seconds ago. he’s even helping people up, brushing color off their faces, offering them a drink like he didn’t just personally destroy them.

you stare at him, still catching your breath, completely drenched. “you’re insane.”

choso beams, already stacking his plate with food. “want some snacks?”

[amalthea-13]

Sorry didn't mean to send that so fast. :P

To add more context to my comment (because I was writing it in my car at the laundromat and basically furiously typing), it's not just the narrative that was against Blitzø in Mastermind but against Stolas, too. Andrealphus paints him as a weak figure unable to defend himself against a 'brutish' imp, and so emotionally frail that he could be manipulated by a much lesser being. Yes, the court wanted to rush through the trial, but those are heavy implications to put on a prince who outranks him. This was while Stolas was in the middle of (or coming out of) divorcing Stella, cutting ties with both of them - yet Andrealphus still managed to look like a concerned brother-in-law to the court. Stella and Andre have stripped Stolas' autonomy so bad that an in-law can hold an entire court case about him, and only one Goetia even questions why Stolas isn't there.

(And no need to reply to this if you don't want to. This is just one of the HB plots i have heavy personal investment in so I can go off.)

Stolas and a Lack of Autonomy

Shout out to Caldella yet again. I do apologize for managing to butcher your point. I am like- half tired and realizing where I got a bit mixed up.

The autonomy argument has been one I haven't had time to articulate due to other drama and such being brought to me.

However, Stolas's autonomy is such an important conversation that gets glossed over and is a conversation I started in my reblog of Stolas Functioning as Pink Diamond, where I discuss how wealth does not shield Stolas from abuse

"I have argued this in both the SU fandom and in Helluva Boss, but wealth does not shield you from abuse. Wealth cannot shield you from becoming a victim. Wealth aids the abusers, not the abused. Stolas is stuck in an endless cycle of pain due to a system that strips him of his humanity and choice. He has no autonomy to do much else and if he tries? Beaten and silenced into submission by his wife who continues to perpetuate and reinforce that system in their home, same as Blue and Yellow Diamond to Pink."

Stolas is stuck in an endless cycle due to his place in society and the social ostracization he deals with. As I have stated before, there is a reason Stella treats him the way she does. It is her control over Stolas that keeps him in his place. This system they both are victims of enables Stella's behavior as nothing more than a "correction" for Stolas's behaviors or "mistakes"

When it comes to Stolas he is an oppressed group. While many may not like that observation, he is a gay man being abused by a system that purposely works against him. A world that only praises and upholds straightness. Yes, Stolas has privilege and such, but he is still a gay, repressed man who is a victim of domestic violence. He is in this position because the system he is under allows and enables Stella's behavior.

As I stated in my Blitz Post, a lot of Stolas's behaviors are explained by abuse, but many people give Blitz the "trauma card" but go hard on Stolas for lesser offences;

"Yet everyone excuses ALL of his behaviors and problems on his trauma and the pain he has been through, but those same people will call Stolas a deadbeat and terrible person just because he is an awful flirt and a literal DV victim recovering from being COMPLETELY repressed due to the fact that the system that gives him his wealth has worked against him to the point he has no autonomy."

When we talk about autonomy, we're talking about the basic ability to make choices and Stolas has been utterly stripped of that since day one.

As a child, Stolas was even hit by Paimon so it seems abuse or physical reactions to bad behavior are common and normalized amongst the Goetia.

Not only this, but as a child Stolas is given an arranged marriage and told what is expected of him from this point onward;

Paimon: *leans toward Stolas* Wonderful!��*speaks fast* Also, son, you are destined to sire *pulls a picture of a young Stella from his cloak* a precautionary addition to the Goetia family. So, you are now engaged. *shows Stolas the picture* Congratulations. Isn't she charming?

Stolas's entire purpose and life is this family. This daughter he has is supposed to be this big important thing to help the Goetia Family, but Stolas is utterly petrified at the idea. He is just a child, but expected to understand that his entire life is for this family now. His life results in lifelong servitude to this family, to Stella, to a girl he doesn't even know.

This is where the seed is planted, that Stolas in a sense doesn't matter. That everything he does is for his family and his position.

Stolas's entire life has been in debt to a family that does not care about him.

Stolas: I know what I did. I would feel bad if I hurt you, but we both know I didn't do that. You and I were arranged for one reason; to birth a precautionary heir to the Goetia family, nothing more. I tried so many years to make it comfortable for us; to have this family, but it was never enough. The only reason I have endured your constant insults and cruelty was for that girl to have a normal life. ...I cannot do this anymore. I want you out. Now.

He fulfilled his duties and in a sense this gives him an out. He can justify leaving and running from Stella now because he fulfilled his duties to their family. That was all that mattered.

Stolas's entire conditioning was to be subservient to those who "needed" him.

Everything in his life was for him to be a perfect husband and a decent father, but Stolas despite his position, conditioning, and abuse managed to go beyond that. Being an amazing father, taking abuse, and still coming out of it on top.

However, he still never had a choice in his life. He didn't get to choose himself. This idea of submissiveness lives in his character to keep people around him happy, even when it does not benefit him.

There is even a point that makes it seem like Stolas should be scared of Andrelphus for some reason which brings up interesting narrative points as to why Stella believes Andrelphus being involved would deter Stolas;

[She steps forwards as Stolas shrinks backwards looking slightly frightened of her.]

Stella: What do you think the rest of the Goetia family will think?

[Her hand moves towards Stolas to backhand his face.]

Stella: Andrealphus-!

Clearly, Stella has used Andrelphus in someway to placate and control Stolas's behavior. My assumption would be gossip, but that is speculation.

Stolas's entire life is dictated by the people around him due to the abuse and system he lives under.

Now that I have spoken about that at lengths, Caldella still raises the point about how Stolas is painted in the trial as some weak, sad victim who couldn't even defend himself against an imp, a being lesser and weaker than them.

Stolas is a Goetian Prince being painted as some sad, helpless being and that narrative was backed by years of conditioning, abuse, and pain. Not one person in the room questioned Andrelphus's narrative. They all believed it due to how everyone sees Stolas.

Stolas gets into that court room and not one person expected him to show up due to them believing he was home alone and sad about the breakup or injustice done against him.

Andrelphus was able to spin a narrative and nearly held a court hearing by himself due to how pathetic Stolas had been made to be thanks to all of Stella's gossip and such.

Socially, Stella holds power so she cut Stolas short so he couldn't build connections or friends.

The only person to even question his absence was Vassago (my Puerto Rican King ofc), and he knew something was up if Andrelphus was purposely leaving it out.

As Caldella points out, no one questions Andrelphus's narrative. Everyone goes along with it! Stella and Andrelphus have socially ostracized Stolas to the point they have in a metaphorical sense "dethroned him" to utilize his authority to speak for him to get what they want.

The whole point of them doing this is to give Stella a sense of power in a world that she is utterly powerless in. It probably is why Andrelphus was brought up during The Circus. More than likely if Stolas did pushback, Andrelphus would go on about how awful Stolas was until Stella got what she wanted, power.

There is a reason Stolas is stripped down to what he is now. There is a reason Blitz is so exciting and it is because he feels he has a choice. A person who in some sense values his decisions and asks him questions.

While yes Blitz did semi-pressure Stolas or try to entice him into sex, at the end of the night Stolas wanted it and Blitz went along with it. The carnal need for pleasure and to be satisfied in some way was there due to a chronic lack of any positive reinforcement outside of Octavia. Stolas craved love and had a need for it.

Blitz was Stolas's only out. The only thing Stolas clung to for years as a out of his situation. Stella could tear apart his body, set fire to his clothes, belittle him, ostracize him, or even speak bad on his name, but she couldn't take Blitz away. She couldn't stop Stolas from dreaming. This is a concept I explain in my Stolas + Yuno Gasai character analysis, that the delusional attachment Stolas has to Blitz allowed him to maintain some essence of control over his life but also hope for a brighter future.

Stolas's life had been stripped of any actual choice, but Blitz? That was his choice. That was his and no one could take it from him. Loving Blitz and defending him, regardless of the consequences, was his choice and that is what mattered.

Stella and Andrelphus stripped Stolas of everything but they could not take Blitz.

The conversation on Stolas's autonomy can be depressing, but remembering that he never gave up that fundamental part of him, that Blitz in some way helped him maintain a semblance of- choice and autonomy is truly fascinating.

Thank you again, Caldella.

[twin-books]

Speaking of other topics.

I found one of my absolute favorite shows of all time on complete accident. It's all thanks to Drew Gooden and IDOLiSH7 (also a very good show).

IDOLiSH7 is a very nice feel-good idol anime. I adore it. It makes me unreasonably happy. It's based on a game of the same name that happens to be a rhythm game. They even have official music videos of their songs which I immediately found every single one of and watched them.

Then less than a month ago I finally watched that Drew Gooden video about Guitar Hero. I have never once played Guitar Hero and I barely watch Drew Gooden because I have like an endless list of YouTuber's I'm subscribed to that I just cycle through so this was at random.

But I guess watching that one video about Guitar Hero onto of all those IDOLiSH7 music videos had the YouTube algorithm go "Hmmm... she must really like rhythm games" and it recommended me one rhythm game based YouTube video. It immediately gave up on showing me anymore afterwards because I guess it realized I don't actually care too much about them. I just really like music.

But luckily this one video had this absolute banger of a song that someone had put into the rhythm game and tried to match the game to the beat. I freaking adored this song but it didn't give the name of the artist, just the title of the song so I told myself I'd like the video and then look into it later.

I completely forgot about it until a week later where I was looking through my liked songs on YouTube Music and saw one with a thumbnail of two animesque boys. I literally could not remember what this video was so I clicked it and then I saw it was that rhythm game. But I wondered why on earth these two dudes were the thumbnail when they were absolutely no where in the video.

So that song was Dive Back in Time from the first opening of the donghua, Link Click. I looked it up, saw that the same two anime-like dudes were on the album cover and thought to myself, "Huh, is this like a game or something?" The song was completely in English which threw me through a loop.

So I looked up Link Click, realized it was a donghua, then immediately looked up the opening this song was attached to because I figured based on the song title it had to be something about time travel.

Here's a fun fact about me... I absolutely adore time travel for a story narrative. It's so fun. But good time travel content is extremely hard to find because apparently it's super easy for people to absolutely screw up this amazingly creative and fun premise.

With that being said, I was willing to do just about anything to figure out if this was not only a time travel show but a good time travel show. So I watched the season 1 opening and it gave me absolutely no clues whatsoever. Absurdly unhelpful without context.

Yeah, I turned to wikipedia for the answers. And yes, it was about time travel and the premise sounded so gosh darn amazing. Here's the wikipedia synopsis;

After finding this I realized there was apparently a season 2 so out of pure curiosity I looked up the season 2 opening. It's called VORTEX. Amazing. If nothing else this show would be full of gorgeous animation and breath-taking music.

I immediately hit up @koo1creations. She is also an avid enjoyer of some good time travel stories and she also adores sci-fi which time travel stories tend to fall under so we were hyped. We also both took the same short animation course when we were young so we absolutely adore animation and we both adore music. This show looked like an absolute winner.

So like fools, Monday night we started Link Click fully intending to stop at like 4 episodes. Ha. Nope, absolutely not. We loved it too much, we binged the whole first season. Tuesday night we binged what was out of season 2. Thankfully for us there was only 2 episodes left of season 2 to be released as soon as we finished it.

I cannot begin to give this show the praise it deserves. Season 1 is still the best so far, I'd say. But season 2 is still very good. It's such a fun show full of twists and turns. It really makes you think and it's full of nuances. The animation and style is gorgeous, the music is amazing, the characters are intriguing, and the story is addicting.

So thank you Drew Gooden and IDOLiSH7 for like my new number 1 favorite show. Gotta be the best way I have ever actually found anything I liked. I have had many times where I had quite a few hoops I had to jump through to find another thing I liked but this one takes the cake.

[le-fruit-de-la-passion]

https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildaudio/comments/1i2s6vl/m4mm4fm4a_viktor_brings_you_under_his_control/?rdt=33096

I listened to about 15 minutes of this, and then he started doing The Sounds. The Slurps.

I made the executive decision to stop right there and listen to the rest when I have time to :

1- Draw myself a warm bath with foamy bubbles

2- Make a nice glass of fresh sangria, maybe even with some of my fancy litchi liquor

3- Pull out my strongest vibrator and ride it until I physically cannot move for the next 3 to 6 years. Audio smut so good it puts me in a vegetative state.

I'm taking this audio on a date. I'm wooing it, getting it a bouquet of flowers, bringing it to a fancy restaurant. I'm bedding it like royalty like it fucking DESERVES

[fraternum-momentum]

you know a fic is good when it gets u doing all this

[in-naeher-we-trust]

SO GUYS I GOT TO MEET ALYSSA NAEHER

I WILL NEED FIVE TO TEN BUSINESS DAYS TO PROCESS MY FEELINGS

In all seriousness, she was so sweet and went along signing and taking selfies until they started hurrying her along and so I had one shot to get my jersey signed and I FUCKING TOOK IT

SHE WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE AND THEN SHE NOTICED MY USWNT JERSEY AND SHE STOPPED TO SIGN IT AND IT WAS THE LAST THING SHE SIGNED SO AHHHHHHHH

I just kept repeating thank you over and over again I was so happy!!!

In short, Alyssa Naeher is the best motherfucking goalkeeper ever and I would lay down my life for her

[shveris]

new yumeno illus from official guidebook

i’m sick to my stomach i miss them sm

[itsgonnagetinspiringsoon]

It's 1 am and I am losing my goddamn mind

[currentlyonstandbi]

[tempestat-ignis]

everyone stop talking to me, i am fighting for my life!!! 🫠🫠

(sorry to my moots, i am clearly going through it and i fear i won't be stopping any time soon)

[bigidiotenergytm]

am i really debating on writing odysseus bc of the vengeance saga now??? ,,,,,, maybe

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[androidboy]

-

[rising-phnx]

there are benefits to being a teacher's pet

[no-pasaran-99]

you know what. sometimes i am in fact bitter. and sometimes i am in fact also vindictive, a little.

[sassy-assassin]

Realizing I'm literally cycling through the 5 stages of grief because of that episode