#how am I supposed to work like this. it's been tolerable lately but even like this. I have to sit down for a bit after every. little. task

[running-in-the-dark]

...

[anjellaufeyson]

I could treat you better - Bellamy Blake

Time stamp: 1:38

My boyfriend was lovely–his friend wasn’t. Bellamy Blake was the rudest man I’ve ever come across; I only tolerated him for my boyfriend. 

Murphy kissed me before he got pulled away for work, he was doing guard watch. I sighed, why couldn’t Bellamy do this? He always had Murphy doing everything for him, and I’m sick of it. Whenever Muphy comes back to our tent he’s exhausted or too tired to even spend time with me. I left my tent and walked inside Bellamy’s, he was shirtless and a girl was lying on his bed. I immediately left with a disgusted look on my face. 

Soon he came out searching for me, “What do you want, princess?” 

I palmed my face while we strolled together through Arkadia, “I’d prefer if you wouldn’t call me that, Blake. Especially since some people say that when they’re together.” 

He tilted his head, his eyes gazing into mine, he glanced down with a bit of a smile, “Right, whatever you say, princess.” 

The need to correct and argue with him was there but I ignored it for the sake of Murphy. “okay–can you please stop keeping my boyfriend working late? I’m aware of how things are, like it or not I’m one of the smart ones and I think he’s being overworked and–”

Bellamy’s face showed confusion in itself, “Murphy gets off at the same time as everyone else. I work the late nights, I’m who stays up all night, every night.” 

I stopped moving, trying to process my indecision and incoming sense of betrayal. “Wait, you haven’t been keeping Murphy late or hanging out with him late?” 

He shook his head and crossed his arms, his muscles clenching to his tight shirt. His veins popping out. My eyes tore away, my emotions were my only focus. “No, I don’t think anyone has. We’ve been on a lockdown since Clarke went missing.” 

My brain racked everything Murphy’s ever told me since he began ‘working’ late. I thought of the girl I assumed he had a relationship with but when I questioned him, he brushed me off. Out of anger, I took off leaving Bellamy, who ended up following behind me calling for my name. I moved the tent side and immediately saw Murphy and the girl kissing. They stopped once they noticed me and how distraught I looked. 

I backed up and accidentally bumped into Bellamy’s chest, I didn’t cry. I felt like I should cry, my body begged to cry, but when you did here–it made you seem weak. And I’d never want Murphy to see me cry even though my heart did in return. I turned and tried to shield myself with Bellamy’s chest, but hesitantly he put his arms around me. Trying to comfort me but I knew we both detested each other. He never liked me with Murphy for a reason I am unaware of, and I just never liked him. He brushed his hand up and down my back, almost in circular motions. 

Murphy’s voice appeared from behind me but I didn’t dare to look back because I felt so vulnerable, I knew I would cry. “I need to talk with her, I can explain!”

Bellamy stepped in, holding me closer. His voice was demanding, his tone was deep, “Murphy, you should go. Now. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll do it later.” 

I could hear Murphy protesting before easily giving up, he didn’t care to try. I pushed away from Bellamy who almost looked shocked at how quickly I switched up. 

We had to go on a mission, and I found myself in a difficult position. A hand covered my mouth and once I realized I didn’t know the person whose hand it was I began to get a bit scared. I tried to fight them off but couldn’t–it had to be a grounder. 

The grounder pulled a sword on me and dug into my back, but not enough to hurt me but it pierced the skin. He pushed me onto my knees where my friends were–including Bellamy. The whole hunting group was in. Murphy seemed nervous. I guess I should be too, especially since it’s my life on the line. 

“Who’s valuable to her?”

What an odd fucking question–is this supposed to be leverage? Might as well let me die. 

Bellamy not even a second later stepped forward, “She’s with me, that’s my girlfriend.” He spoke so truthfully that even everyone we knew was aware he was lying through his teeth. 

��What are you willing to give me in turn for her life?” 

His eyes almost turned vulnerable, his words coming off as pathetic as his tone came off as pleads. “What do you want?” 

The grounder moved the sword which caused me to wince, “I want Wanheda.” Everyone shared a confused glance, who is that? “Give her to me and I won’t kill her.” 

“Take me instead, she has a better chance of getting through to Wanheda than me.” What is he doing? He’s going to get himself killed–I’m aware he can handle himself but this is almost suicidal. The grounder pushed me into Bellamy’s arms. He squeezed my hand for the quickest second and moved to the grounder who hit him immediately. 

I wanted to help him but I didn’t know how to, Bellamy could’ve attacked but stayed down, taking another punch with ease. I stepped forward but he put his hand up, “Don’t,” he demanded while blood ran down his cheek. 

Why was he willing to do this for me? We’ll never find her, I mouthed. He did a tiny nod. They need you, I mouthed once more. He got kicked in his ribs and I knew I lost his attention but while the grounder was distracted I quickly stole Murphy’s gun and shot the grounder. My aim was good, but I hated shooting, killing wasn’t something I wanted to do. But I had to–for him. 

Without processing what I did I went to Bellamy’s side. I hated his stupidity and I hated how he saved my life. “I hate you,” I said as I helped him up. He spit out blood, “I know,” he said while wincing from getting up too quickly. 

While Bellamy was getting medical from Abby, I was talking with Octavia and Jasper. Murphy approached grabbing my arm, “Were you and Bellamy seeing each other behind my back?”

His breath reeks of Monty’s moonshine, “Are you serious? You’ve been cheating on me, Murphy?”

“Were you yes or no?” 

Before I could say anything Bellamy put his arm around my waist. His hands slipped around my stomach. Holding me tight but just to keep himself steady from behind. “Yes,” he said in a raspy voice, still clearly in pain. I couldn’t turn my head, I’d be too close to his face. He groaned a bit in pain but still managed to keep his posture strong and himself looking composed. Bellamy pulled me in closer to him and that got a bit of a reaction from Murphy. 

“Fuck you both,” he said as he stormed off. Everyone else decided to leave us alone, I was going to Bellamy back to medic. There was a zero percent chance he was let out yet. 

He stopped me from walking, his tight and bloody shirt doing him every bit of justice. His hands took control so easily, “Why’d you do it,” I asked. 

His fingers traced along my neck, “Save you? Or help you?”

“Both,” I spoke breathlessly. His eyes were fixated on my lips and I wondered if Abby gave him painkillers or something for this type of behavior. 

Bellamy stared down at me, tension felt like it was rising, and the heat was radiating off our bodies. He kept one hand on my waist, holding me. His right hand pulled my hair to the side he leaned in, “because we both know I could treat you better,” he whispered into my ear.

[flippinpancakes64]

The Cullens reacting to their partner being missing.

Some people kidnapped the wrong person at the wrong time, what would the Cullens do in that situation? How would they take care of her after finding her?

I love your work, I can read everything you've done over and over again, have a nice day!

The Cullens when you’ve been kidnapped

Thank you so much for the kind words! It always makes me so happy when you guys say that you like my works so much!

Also I know I just opened requests… but I am closing them again 🥲 sorry guys. I have over 20 requests in my inbox rn and I don’t want them to pile up too much! Please be patient with me

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

You told him that you were going to your friend’s house

Initially, he wanted to walk you there, but you refused

It was the middle of the day and you can take care of yourself

So off you went

You were supposed to text him when you got there, but a text never came

He was getting antsy

It was only a minute or two after you should have gotten there, but he was ready to bolt out the door

His concerns were solidified when Alice rushed into the room and he saw the vision of you getting tackled and pushed into a van in her head

He was on his way in a second

He followed your faint scent until it stopped in front of a warehouse

He didn’t bother to stop and listen through the doors, he just barged in

You were tied up on the floor, unconscious

Two men were nearby in the middle of an argument

You weren’t the person they were supposed to get, but rather someone who looked a lot like you

Either way, they were screwed

Edward wasted no time in killing both of them

He scooped you up and ran all the way to Carlisle’s clinic

He insisted that you stay the night to make sure you were okay

He is not leaving your side after that

You’re not even gonna be allowed to walk the five feet to the bathroom without him

Sorry not sorry

If he was alive, he would have almost had a heart attack, and he’s not about to have that happen again

Alice:

She was so preoccupied with visions at the moment

There was a tracker vampire who seemed to have it out for Jasper, so her mind was constantly tracking him

You felt bad even bothering her to tell her you were going to the mall

She just gave you an absent nod as you left

She was watching the vampire in her mind, watching as he made different choices, chose different paths

She was so distracted she completely disregarded the vision of you

She only noticed your absence when the sun began to sink behind the horizon and you were still nowhere to be found

It took her a lot of thinking to even remember where you had gone

Instantly, she took out her phone and tried to call you, nothing

A text, nothing

Your location had been turned off too

Then she caught another vision

This time of a group of men holding a gun to your head and pulling the trigger

Instantly, she was up

She replayed the scene over and over in her mind, trying to track down where exactly you were before it was too late

She flew into the basement of the house just in time, the men were loading the gun as she burst in

Swiftly, she knocked everyone out, and killed the man with the gun

You were in hysterics, so scared of what almost happened but also relieved to see your girlfriend

She just held you for the rest of the night, apologizing over and over about leaving you for so long, about not noticing that you’d been gone

From that point on, she made sure to ALWAYS tune in whenever a vision had you in it

Jasper:

You wanted to go out to the club

But Jasper’s not really into that scene

He’s gone with you a couple of times, but it’s never his first choice

So when you ask him if he wants to go, he declines

He accompanied you two days ago, that’s his club tolerance for the week

So you get all dressed up, give him a kiss goodbye, and you’re out the door

He isn’t too concerned, you’re going with your friends after all

He does start to worry, though, when 2 am rolls around and you’re still not home

Usually, you’re home around 1, but sometimes you spend the night at your friends house

He calls you, nothing. He texts you, nothing. So he calls one of your friends

She answers completely wasted and says she hasn’t seen you in a little bit

You went to the bathroom a couple of hours ago and she just assumed you went home or something

He always knew that friend was an idiot

He’s out the door in a flash, driving down to the club you were supposed to be at

He sees your car out in the front lot, and right next to it, a suspicious looking white van

Inside, he can hear your muffled screams

He rips open the door and sees a man holding a knife to your throat, asking you all manners of questions that you have no clue how to answer

Jasper’s always been very cautious about how he acts around you, he doesn’t want you to see him as a monster

But in this instance, he gives in to the beast

He’s shaking by the time the man is dead, and he frees your from your restraints

He needs the rest of the night to wind down and just hold you

He apologizes over and over for scaring you, for leaving you alone, that that even happened in the first place

Does not leave your side ever again

Rosalie:

You and Rosalie were out on the town

You wanted to go see all of the new shops that had moved downtown, and she couldn’t say no even if she tried

So off you went, coffee in hand and Carlisle’s credit card in Rosalie’s pocket

You were in a boutique, looking through all of the pretty dresses, when you found a beautiful dark blue velvet dress that you thought Rosalie would look perfect in

So you found her size on the rack and shoved her into a fitting room

Only while she was in there, a group of three guys came up behind you and grabbed you, pulling you outside

They didn’t get very far though before Rosalie stopped them

She ran out of the dressing room, dress still on

She set off the sensors as she ran into the street

She roundhouse kicked one of the guys, knocking out three of his teeth in the progress

The other guys she simply punched and they were down, crying for their mommies

Luckily, they didn’t have the chance to hurt you

So even though you were shaken up, you were okay

As she’s standing there holding you, waiting for the police to arrive, you have the nerve to laugh

“What the hell are you laughing about? You almost died!”

“You look really pretty in that dress, Rose”

She just rolls her eyes and kisses you

Emmett:

You were at one of your friend’s apartments in the city center

He was moving in and asked if you would come help

So obviously you said yes and obviously you brought your mountain-sized boyfriend who could lift the whole moving van

The three of you were working hard, grabbing stuff from the van and carrying it up the stairs

You had sat down on the ledge of the sidewalk for a second, catching your breath and drinking some water when a guy came up to you out of nowhere and tried to grab you

Emmett heard you and dropped everything instantly

But by the time he got down the stairs, you were gone

He could hear your muffled scream getting fainter as the man dragged you farther away

He bolted as fast as he could in the direction of your voice

When he caught up, he didn’t even bother asking questions

Punch first, questions later

Only he killed the guy

Not that he’s upset that he did, he’s just sort of frustrated that he’ll never get to know why that asshole thought it would be a good idea to try to take his partner

Either way he’s not letting you out of his sight

The only place he relaxes is when you’re at home and safe

Constantly on guard

Poor guy just needs to relax

Esme:

You had been begging her for a week straight to come with you to this concert

But it was a slipknot concert, and definitely not her speed

She entertained you for a little bit and listened to some of their music to see if she would want to go with you, but yeah that wasn’t happening

So eventually you gave up and decided to ask one of your friends to go

She promised she would make it up to you when you got home, only you never showed up

It was getting late, nearing 3 am, and you were still nowhere to be seen

She tried calling, texting, anything, but you weren’t there

She was getting really worried, when suddenly she got a call from your friend

Your friend was in hysterics, crying and screaming, it was hard to understand them

But from what she gathered, your friend’s ex boyfriend had showed up and drugged you, dragging you away from your car

And from what else she gathered, he wasn’t intending on taking you, but rather your friend

She immediately got in her car and sped down to the concert center

When she got there, there were at least 4 cop cars

Your friend was standing next to one, talking to an officer when Esme showed up

The officer pointed her in the direction of a different cruiser, and you were inside, blissfully asleep

She could have started crying she was so relieved

She got the story from one of the officers, apparently the ex realized he had the wrong person and turned around to try to get your friend, only to see that the police were already there

Stupid idiot

You didn’t remember a thing when you woke up, which was probably for the best

Oh well, at least now Esme will go with you to every concert

Carlisle:

He has a lot of enemies

Even though he has tried so hard over his expansive lifetime to be cordial to everyone, some people just can’t be reasoned with

He knows this, but he never thought anyone would go after you

He was at the clinic when he got a call from Alice, saying that she saw a man with red eyes taking you in your sleep and killing you

She didn’t recognize him, but after giving his description, Carlisle knew exactly who it was

He figured he had a couple of hours to get to you and prepare for the man’s arrival

But he didn’t

He took a lunch break at work and drove to your house, intending to warn you of what was to come later that night

Only you weren’t there

Your bedroom window was broken and your sheets were tossed all over the bed

Not to mention the stench of vampire that permeated the room

He completely forgot about your midday naps

He was instantly in searching mode

He got Alice and Edward to help track you down, both of their skills valuable for this

He found you in an old factory, a bite on your ankle that was slowly filling you with venom

While Edward and Alice killed the man, he sucked the venom from your wound, the whole time praying that you would be okay

You were knocked out cold for a week after that

He kept you at his home clinic, making sure to keep an eye on you at all hours of the day

He feels so guilty

But the moment you wake up and look so happy to see him, he feels better

Vampire! Bella:

She’s had her fair share of danger

I mean, when she was human she was a magnet for it

But in her time of knowing you, you’ve never posed much of a threat to yourself

So she’s never been too worried about you

You had asked her earlier if she wanted to go to the movies with you, and she had declined

She needed to go hunting, and it was going to be a perfect night for it

So you both went your separate ways

She left her phone at home, opting to keep it safe while she throws herself around the woods

When she gets home, it’s late, and you’re nowhere to be seen

She opens her phone to call you, only to find you already left her a voicemail

Not a good sign

She listens to it, and she can hear you whispering, your voice quivering with fear

You’re in the trunk of a car, and you have no idea where you’re going. You don’t know the guys who took you, and you’re scared

That’s all she needs to hear

It doesn’t take her long to track you down, your scent very prominent to her

On the other side of the door to the house you’re in, she can hear two guys arguing about what to do with you

Apparently you saw something you shouldn’t have seen

Oh well, now they’re going to see the last thing they’ll ever see

She feels a little guilty about killing the guys, but on the other hand she doesn’t

They had the gall to kidnap her partner, so they can deal with the consequences of that

You are now not allowed to leave the house without her

She follows you everywhere

And she’s always super close

Yes, she even follows you to the bathroom

No one will ever touch you again

[jujumin-translates]

[18TRIP] Ten Murakumo | [SR] Black Melting Into the Hustle and Bustle | You Can Drink, But Don't Get Drunk

Characters: ☁️ Ten Murakumo, ☔️ Kafka Oguro, ☀️ Renga Nishizono

Location: HAMA House - Tiger Room

*Drink being poured*

Kafka: You’re having a nightcap again today too, Ten?

Kafka: Maybe it’s fine once in a while, but don’t you think you should hold back from having one every night? It tanks the quality of your sleep, y’know.

Ten: C’mon, stop worrying so much, Prez. This is just what works for me.

Ten: (I can’t have him messing with my routine.)

Renga: Exactly, Kafka. Ten likes to drink, and it’s not like he drinks recklessly.

Renga: And when we go out for drinks together, I think he always seems fine! You don’t gotta worry.

Kafka: I see. If my drinking buddy Renga says so, I guess it’s fine.

Ten: (...Never thought I’d have Renga-san to back me up.)

Ten: Cool, with that settled, to doing this again…

*Ten taps his glass on the table*

Renga: …

Ten: …

Ten: …Renga-saaan, don’t stare at me like that. I thought drinking wasn’t your strong suit.

Renga: Ah, my bad! Don’t worry about me, just enjoy your drink!

Ten: I’m only saying that because I care.

Renga: No, I was just thinking that I’d be able to drink like you do someday, Ten…

Ten: Ah~, you do get hammered in no time, don’t you, Renga-san?

Renga: T-That was just last time! I was more tired than usual, so…

Ten: Haha, you sure about that~? It would’ve been pretty dangerous for you if you were a girl.

Renga: Whatever, there isn’t anything wrong with me watching! All I’m doing is watching you drink!

Ten: (Just watching’s not gonna make you a better drinker… Well, it’s all according to plan. That’s just how much you’re fascinated with me.)

Ten: Alright, just for today?

Renga: Yeah! Thanks!

Kafka: (Hehe. There’s something pretty interesting about those two.)

· ❀ —– ٠ ❀ ٠ —– ❀ ·

Location: Shirohori Studios

Staff: That’ll be it for today’s shoot, Renga-san! Thank you very much!

Staff Members: Good work!

Renga: Heh, I’m looking forward to seeing the finished thing.

Capable Producer: Do you drink wine, Renga-san? We prepared a vintage for today’s shoot.

Renga: Huh? Yeah… Thanks.

Renga: (Maybe it’s because of the last variety, but I’ve been getting a lot more gifts like this…)

Capable Producer: Don’t doubt it. It’s a genuine vintage, okay? There’s that famous saying… “I only want the real deal”.

Staff: Well, you heard the producer. This is undoubtedly the real deal.

Renga: H-Haha… Fair enough.

Renga: (I’m grateful, but what am I supposed to do…? Ah, I wonder if Ten would like it if I gave this to him.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Location: HAMA House - Tiger Room

Renga: I’m back~... Wait, where’s Kafka?

Ten: Ahh, Prez is working late tonight.

Renga: Gotcha… Ah, I’ve got a gift for you today, Ten.

*Renga takes something out of a bag*

Renga: …Ta-da!

Renga: It’s a vintage wine. It was given to me by a producer, and I think it’s a good one! Hey, let’s drink it together!

Ten: Ah, sorry, I’m not really a wine guy.

Renga: YOU’RE NOT!!?

Ten: (Wine’s the only thing that gets me really wasted… Still, I’m pretty confident that I’ve got a better tolerance than him.)

Ten: Alright, how about I drink my sake and you drink that wine, Renga-san?

Ten: That way, we’re still technically drinking together.

Renga: That’s true! Alright, let’s do that!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Renga: ‘Cauuuuse~! That’s the kinda shoft-heartednessh that proves that you’re sucha good guy, Ten!

Ten: I know, that’s the third time you’ve told me that.

Ten: (Not even a full glass and he’s already like this.)

Renga: Noooo! I shtill haven’t gotten the point acrossh! Despite how you seem, you’re sucha good guy, Ten…!

Ten: Ow, wasn’t that like sorta a diss?

Renga: Mn~mh… Mmmhmnh…

Ten: Renga-sa~n, if you sleep with your stomach exposed like that, you’ll catch a cold.

Renga: I’ll show you the roshes when they bloom, Ten…

Ten: (Roses? The hell is he going on about?)

Ten: Jesus Christ.

Renga: Ten, let’sh have another drink together again~...

Ten: … Alright, I’m gonna tuck you in now.

*Sheets rustle*

Ten: (Goddamn, this guy is hopeless…)

[dizzyjelly]

Late Night Shift

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: You have to work the late shift and it is absolutely terrible, you come home to your girlfriend Abby who comforts you and reminds you everything will be ok.

Cw: showering together(non-sexually), crying/breaking down, stress/exhaustion, female reader

You dropped your coat on the back of one of your kitchen table chairs, a heavy sigh falling from your lips. You kicked your shoes off and left them messily by the door. It was well past ten, which was the time you were supposed to get off work. No, now it was, you pulled out your phone, 12:30 am.

You all but threw your work bag at the counter, not giving any care to the items that spilled out. You made your way upstairs and into your bedroom, a small smile made its way on your face as you saw Abby.

She was completely in her element, kegs crossed with a blanket up to her waist. A book in her hands and black, thin reading glasses adorning her face. Her hair framed her face perfectly, she'd let it down out of the usual tight braid.

"Hi baby." She cooed, setting her book down as she smiled at you from where you stood in the doorway.

"Hi." Your voice was quiet and weaker than you'd like it to be, you dropped your head down with a grimace on your face.

Abbys brows creased into an expression of worry. And before you knew it your bottom lip was quivering and tears were building in your eyes. You kept your head down in shame, you hated crying in front of people.

Even if you knew Abby loved you so dearly, and would never judge you. Something about being vulnerable in front of others made you sick to your stomach. But the way Abby would hold you and tell you everything was ok made it feel tolerable.

"Hey, what's going on?" She asked, her tone laced with sympathy.

You just sniffled and held yourself in a hug as tears relentlessly fell from your face. And of course Abby was rushing to your side in no time, wrapping her own arms around you as she brought you over to your shared bed. She laid down and pulled you into her side, you sighed as you moved to be more on top of her.

Your legs intertwined with her own and one of your arms wrapped around her while the other was laid on her chest. Your breathing became irregular as your sobs took over your body.

"I just had a t-terrible day and I has to stay at work l-la-" you groaned loudly in frustration, squeezing your eyes shut tight as you couldn't get your words out.

"I know baby, you had to stay late. It's ok, I know." She shushed you, knowing you were having a tough time saying what you wanted to.

She brought a hand to your head, combing her fingers through your hair. While her other one stayed at your side, rubbing up and down soothingly. She placed a light kiss on your forehead, then one at the top of your head.

You cried harder underneath her touch, finally being able to release all that you'd held back throughout the day. She just laid there silently and held you, her heart aching at how upset you'd been. She seriously wanted to rip whoever got you like this a new one. Finally, she'd ask,

"You wanna talk about it?" In the sweetest voice too.

"Yeah." You answered, nodding.

"Alright, whenever you're ready baby. I'm right here." She reassured you, another way of saying take your time.

After calming down for the most part, you grabbed her hand and interlocked your fingers with her own before explaining all the difficulties of your day.

"So, first of all, Riley wasn't even there today so that was a bummer," Riley was your best work friend, "Then I got stuck with not one, but two fucking party tables. And if my night couldn't get any worse, Gary didn't show up so I had to cover his shift. Thats why I was so late. And I wanted to get home early so we could watch a movie." You sniffled, snuggling against her as you closed your eyes with relaxation at the feeling of her fingers in your hair.

"Baby I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I just want you to know that you're so strong and one bad day doesn't mean a bad life. Everything's gonna be ok and we can watch something tomorrow night." She brought her hand to your chin, picking your head up so you looked at her.

She gave you a small smile before kissing your left cheek, then your right, the tip of your nose, your forehead, and finally your lips. You smiled into the kiss, laying your head back on her chest after you pulled away.

"I just didn't want you to be mad since I was really late.." You murmured.

"What? Of course I'm not mad. I'm just glad I get to hold you and be with you now." She answered, hugging you tightly with her big strong arms.

Your breathing slowed and you sighed against her. She moved her hands all over your back, fingernails grazing it in the most relaxing way. As much as you wanted to just lay there forever, you wanted to get changed and shower. So you slowly got up, making your way to the dresser.

"Shower?" Abby asked.

"Yeah." You nodded.

"You want me to join you?" She asked, already standing to follow you to the bathroom.

You just nodded again, giggling a bit as Abby walked over to undress you. And she took her time, in the best way possible. Finally she'd stripped you all the way down and you got into the shower, which was almost too hot but not quite there. Just how you liked it.

You brought your hands to smoth your hair back as the water trickled down your back. Abby stepped in to join you shortly after, a smile present on her face at how relaxed you'd gotten. You chuckle a bit as you move past her, grabbing your shampoo bottle and getting ready to open it. Abby stops you, taking the bottle for herself.

"Let me." She says, pouring a quarter size droplet into her hand then rubbing her hands together.

You lean your head back just the slightest and your breath stutters as her hands meet your hair. She takes her time, giving you a wonderful scalp massage as she suds up your hair. Once she finally is done you wish she wasn't because of how good it felt. But you turn around and rinse your hair anyways.

You grab onto Abbys shoulders to turn her around so you can return the favor, but she shakes her head.

"Oh I already showered before you got home." She simply said.

"Wh- then why'd you wanna join me?" You ask with a light scoff.

Abby shrugs, and you roll your eyes at her.

"Quit staring at my boobs and grab the body wash." You tease and she laughs a bit.

She grabbed your loofah and pours a generous amount of body wash onto it. Then she's of course washing your body for you, first your shoulders then your chest and your stomach. And then your legs, and you of course take notice to how she goes just that much slower at your thighs and ass.

You pay it no mind as you turn so your back faces her and rinse off all the soap. Abby watches with a sparkle of adoration in her eyes. You finish up and step out of the shower, she immediately follows you and is wrapping you up in a towel in seconds. You crack a smile as she stands behind you, wrapped in her own towel as she holds your waist and kisses you along your jaw, neck, and collarbone.

Eventually she let's you get dressed, your pj's consist of a pair of black biker shorts and one of Abby’s t-shirts that basically belonged to you now. Abby smiled lazily at the sight of you, so comfortable and in your element.

She opened her arms for you from where she sat on your shared bed. You climbed onto her, smooshing your face in the crook of her neck as you wrapped your arms around her back. She wrapped her own arms around you, removing one of them to shut off the lamp on the bedside table.

She peppered light kisses over your face, before placing one final one at the top of your head. She rubbed at your back, relaxing you and pushing you closer to tranquility.

"Goodnight baby." She whispering.

"G'night." You whispered back.

You'd both fall asleep just minutes after.

[angelikook]

Love Blinds

Pairing(s): Blind!Jungkook x reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 4.7k

Warning(s): Accident(s)

Summary: You are his oldest and only best friend, but why do you leave him all of a sudden when he needs you most?

A/n This fic was requested by the sweetest person on the planet, @thehopelessromanticclub. I know this took me quite some time, because I'm also juggling with work and uni. Nevertheless, I had so much fun writing this. While this was one of the hardest fics to write, I enjoyed every process it took. Fun fact, this fic is literally the first fic that made me cry when I wrote it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I've never met a blind or visually impaired person in my life. Everything I've written about blindness and living as a blind person, I learned about them from the internet. I know that there's only so much one can learn from the internet. If there are any inaccuracies about them in this fic, please let me know.

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There was one thing on top of Jungkook’s wishlist: to be able to see his best friend, you.

It happened when he was too young to understand the world around him. He was around four or five years old. One morning he woke up still able to see cars passing by, people walking by, he could even name all the colors he saw. The next morning, he woke up to darkness, nothingness, and his mom’s cries.

He met you not long after. He was playing in the park while also learning how to use a walking cane. After half an hour of successfully not walking into anything, he accidentally tripped on his cane and fell.

He wasn’t a crier. So as the pain on his knees spread – he was sure it was at least bruising – he still kept quiet. It went like that for a bit since he didn’t have enough power to stand up again, the pain on his knees was too painful.

The next thing he felt was the soft touch on his free hand, the hand that wasn’t holding his cane. And then, he heard a girl’s voice, “Here, take my hand. I’ll help you up.”

With that, he took the girl’s hand – your hand – and introduced himself as Jungkook.

+++

Jungkook fidgeted on his seat at the bleachers as he waited for you. Hands were already clammy to the point he wanted to wash his hands. You were supposed to come a whole 30 minutes ago and he was supposed to be listening to his coach’s briefing by now. He tried to call and text you, but you didn’t reply to any of them. In your defense, you weren’t big on calling and texting, you preferred scrolling mindlessly on social media and sending him memes.

“Kook, coach Lee is waiting for you by the pool, don’t you wanna go?” His mom woke him up from his deep thoughts.

Jungkook sighed. “I’m worried about Y/n.”

The seat beside him creaked, a sign that his mom took a seat beside him. “Stop thinking of her. Obviously she doesn’t think you’re that important.”

“She was never late, mom. This is just a one time thing,” he defended you. He never understood why his mom disliked you. For all he knew, she had hated you since the first time you met him back at the park. All this time, his mom probably only tolerated you because she knew how much you meant to him.

“The show must go on. Worry about her later.” With that, his mom stood up and left him again with his thoughts.

It took him around five long minutes to realize that his mom was right. The show really must go on. Whether you came or not, he still had a competition to win.

Just as he stood up from his seat, he heard someone run to him.

“Am I late?” you asked in the midst of panting, seemingly you've been running.

Upon hearing your voice, Jungkook smiled. “Well, I’ll be on in a bit. So, kinda?”

“I know you’re gonna do great, as always.”

“And I know you’re gonna ask me for a free meal if I win.”

“‘When’ you win, you mean,” you corrected him.

He laughed heartily. He didn’t know why but you always managed to lighten his mood. “I think it’s time to talk to coach Lee. He’s been waiting for me.”

“It’s your own fault for waiting for me.” You lightly pushed his shoulder.

“It’s your fault for being late.”

“You know why I’m late.”

“You snoozed your alarm again?”

“Yep.” You pushed him again, this time a bit harder. “Now go. The competition’s about to begin.”

“Go sit beside my mom, yeah?”

You huffed. “Your mom doesn’t like me. I’ll sit here. I’ll find you once it’s over.”

“I tell you multiple times to ignore her. I want you there.”

The swimming competition went just like how his other competitions went. He listened to coach Lee, shook the hands of other participants, swam like he was born for it, and won the competition. It was easy. It became a routine.

“But your mom doesn’t. I’ll be okay, seriously. Just go, your mom’s already glaring at me.”

The crowd surrounding him and congratulating him, him thanking them, and him waiting for your turn to congratulate him also became a routine. A boring routine that he would rather skip. He’d rather celebrate with the people he loved, his mom and you.

After the crowd around him left, you finally came up to him and gave him a big hug despite his body was still half wet. It was the 'you' Jungkook always knew, supporting him no matter what.

“Congratulations,” you whispered to his ear. “Again.”

“You sound like you’re tired of congratulating me,” Jungkook joked once you let go of him.

“I'm not tired when it comes to getting free food.”

Jungkook chuckled. “You’re lucky the prize money I'll get will be a bit more than usual. I can take you to that new cafe you’ve always wanted to try.”

“Really?”

He nodded. In his mind, he could only imagine how beautiful your smile would be and how the glimmer of happiness in your eyes shined through. And just like that, the wish to be able to see you grew stronger.

Knowing how his mom was towards you, Jungkook took the initiative to celebrate his win in two different settings: once with his mom and once with you. He’d always done that despite deep down wanting to celebrate it with both his mom and you.

+++

“What’s your plan?” you asked after you picked up your ice cream that he paid.

“For? Don’t be cryptic, please,” Jungkook replied in a bored tone.

“For swimming, of course. I bet you’re gonna get another offer.”

“Already did. Coach Lee wanted me to join this year’s national competition. He thinks it’d be good for pushing my career forward.”

“I assume you accept it?”

“It’s not like I have any other competition at the moment.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I guess. When will it be, though?”

“Still a few months away.” He laughed when he noticed the strain in your voice. He assumed it was because you were nervous for him. “If you’re worried I don’t get enough rest, relax. Coach Lee purposely makes me rest for around a month.”

“For a person who’s never been to a national competition before, you sure seem so chill.”

“If I stress it out, I’ll be unreasonably overthinking.”

“Good wisdom.”

“I know. I’m always wise.”

“Says the one who got scratched by a cat because they kept annoying it.”

It was true, though, he indeed was scratched by a cat once. That was one experience that he didn’t want to repeat ever.

Jungkook protested, “That’s just one time.”

“But that one time makes you not always wise,” you teased him.

“I’ll never win an argument against you, will I?”

+++

Time flew after that. Jungkook really did take a break for a month. If by break it meant he was swimming every other day instead of everyday. And once the month was up, he was training intensely until it was exactly a month before his competition.

Knowing well that you were waiting for him on the bleachers, Jungkook left you to change his clothes into his swimsuit. To say that he was excited for today’s training was an understatement. His last training ended with him beating his previous record. And the day before that, he received an email from the mayor that he was proud of Jungkook for representing his city for the next national competition. He basically was on a roll for the last few days.

So it nearly broke his heart, he could almost physically hear it, when he came to the bleachers and his mom told him that you left.

“Why did she leave?” Jungkook asked with his eyebrows furrowed. That was not very Y/n of you to leave without noticing him.

“Who knows,” his mom answered while gently nudging him to walk towards the pool, “She has always been rude.”

“No, she’s not,” he protested. “Something really did happen, mom. Did she said something to you?”

“Nope,” his mom replied quickly. “Well, you can always call her later. You have more important things to do now.”

That was what he did. He practiced, practiced, and practiced. Lap upon laps he did, trying to shake the thought of you, yet he failed. A tiny voice at the back of his head kept telling him to check up on you ASAP.

Once practice ended, even before coach Lee could give him a feedback, he went straight to the changing room, changed into his clothes, and dragged his mom away.

“Where are you going?” his mom inquired behind him. “Coach Lee hasn’t done talking.”

“I want to meet Y/n.”

“She’s probably fine, Jungkook. You’re gonna look stupid in front of her for doing this.”

“You always tell me to trust my gut feeling. My gut feeling is saying that I need to go to her now.”

“Do you even know where she is?”

Jungkook was stunned for a second. He didn’t know where you were.

“I’m gonna call her. Let’s go to the car first.” With that, he pulled his mom again in the direction of the parking lot.

Inside the car, he indeed called you, but no matter how many times he tried, they all went through.

“No wonder,” his mom commented, “That girl seemed like she doesn’t care about you.”

“If she didn't care about me, she wouldn’t have come.”

“Probably she’s in her moody phase. Give her some time.”

Having enough of his mom’s rude comments, Jungkook snapped, “Mom, please. I don’t have time for this. Just take me to Y/n’s house.”

“I thought she’s with you,” your dad answered after opening the door to a very worried Jungkook. “This morning she said she was gonna accompany you to practice.”

“She did, but then left without telling me.”

“We’re gonna try to contact her, don’t worry,” your mom’s voice spoke up. “Just go take a rest, you seem so tired.”

Upon hearing your mom’s words, he realized that his shoulders had been hurting and his legs were cramping. Jungkook sighed. “But please tell me when you find her.”

“Of course.”

But no one contacted him for the next few days. Not you, and definitely not your parents. As days went on, he became more and more anxious. His phone calls and texts still hadn’t gone through. It was as if you disappeared off the surface of Earth.

He couldn’t even imagine what had happened to you to make you suddenly disappear that day. Not only that, the fact that his mom became more insufferable the more he talked about you made his blood boil every time he thought about it.

There was one time when Jungkook, who never raised his voice at anyone, raised his voice at his mom.

“Right now, your practice is more important than Y/n,” his mom had said.

At first, Jungkook had tried to ignore her in hopes that she wouldn’t say anything else. But he was dead wrong.

“Jungkook, are you listening to me? I said, focus on your practice, stop thinking of Y/n.”

And just like that, Jungkook had snapped, “You’re not helping at all, mom.”

Little did he know that him snapping at his mom only made his feelings even worse.

There was also a time when Jungkook deliberately ran away from practice after hearing his mom’s words about you, leaving both his mom and coach Lee worried. Sure he came back later that day, but he had hoped it was enough of a sign that he didn’t like what his mom had said.

“She’s been gone for days. I doubt she’ll come back. She probably already forgets you by now,” was what his mom had said to trigger such a reaction from him.

And it was only the day before when Jungkook had yet again rebelled, this time to the point he was gone all day.

That day, Jungkook’s mom had said something along the lines of, “You should be glad that Y/n’s out of the picture, you can focus more on winning the competition.”

But to be quite honest, it didn’t make him focus on his practice anymore.

His time was slower and slower to the point coach Lee – who was never mad at anyone – stopped that day’s practice abruptly.

“Whatever problem you have right now, I hope you deal with it soon. I don’t want your head out of the game like this, especially not when the competition comes.” With that, coach Lee had ushered him home.

Later that day at home, his mom had also lectured him about ‘being a good son’ and ‘making your parents proud’. But he cared none of that. He still had a missing best friend to find.

His mom had sighed when she realized that Jungkook hadn’t been listening to her. “I don’t know what else I need to do. Paying for your practices takes almost all of my savings, yet you're getting worse and worse.” Then she whined, “Tell me what more I need to do.”

Only two words had come out of his mouth. “Find Y/n.”

+++

For a few days after that, Jungkook still kept at it with his acts. He only came to practice when he felt like it. Once he was no longer in the mood, he just left. Not at home, but somewhere where he didn’t have to meet his mom – the playground where you and he met the first time. He wasn’t gonna lie to himself about the fact that he frequently went to the playground in hope to find you there. But just like how bare his phone is from your messages, the playground was bare of your presence.

Sitting at the playground made him remember that one time when you and Jungkook planned to go visit your grandpa that lived just outside the city.

One day after sitting at the playground for sometime, he walked back home with an ache both at his chest and head. While the competition was getting closer and closer, he was still no closer to finding you. He almost ran out of time, and unfortunately, also his patience.

As he felt his cane touched the familiar gravel in front of his house, he sighed. It was time to face his mom again. But right before he opened the front door, he heard a talking voice from inside. He recognized the voice as his mom's. He pondered for a moment whether he should walk in and interrupt his mom. Then he decided against it when he heard his name in his mom's conversation. It sounded like his mom was on a phone call since he couldn't hear the other person's reply.

"–lengths I did for Jungkook." Pause. "I just want the best for him since it's gonna be his first national competition." Pause. "I got rid of his best friend." Pause. Jungkook felt like his heart stopped beating for a moment. "Yes, the girl who made him blind."

If his heart stopped beating before, now it was beating so fast. Adrenaline was pumped throughout his body, making his head almost hurt.

There was no way what his mom had said was true. None of it. Not the fact that his mom got rid of you and definitely not the fact that you made him blind. No way. His mom was just bluffing.

But as much as he liked to believe that, his mom still carried on with the conversation. "I don't know what else to do." Pause. "I've tried everything I could, but now he just skips practice whenever he wants." Long pause. “Guess I’ll try that. Thanks.” Pause. “Bye.”

With a huff, Jungkook opened the door. As he closed the door behind him, he heard his mom gasping.

“You’re already home?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I am, for a while.”

“Did you hear everything?”

“Not everything. But enough to know what you did.” Jungkook deemed it was the right time to let out his anger bit by bit.

“So now you know the truth. Why I don’t like Y/n and why I got rid of her.” It sounded like there was no remorse at all.

+++

It was his fourth birthday. Just like how kids who had birthdays before him celebrated their birthday with the whole class, Jungkook also celebrated his birthday with his classmates.

“Jungkook!” A little girl called him while running up to him.

He smiled upon seeing the big present on the girl’s hand. It was big enough to fill the girl’s hands full.

Once she was close enough, she handed the gift to him. “This is for you. Happy birthday.”

Jungkook accepted it. “Thank you, Y/n.”

Like any other class full of kindergarten kids, the class was chaotic. The teacher was busy trying to sit everyone down and left the birthday boy with his best friend on their own. That was a big mistake.

Little you had seen a lot of funny videos depicting pranks people do on their friends and wanted to try one on Jungkook. So just as Jungkook wanted to take a seat beside you, you pulled his seat, making him fall butt first to the hard floor.

Then everything flew by. He only remembered faintly. He remembered his loss of vision. He remembered hearing cries. He heard a lot of cries. From himself, Y/n, his parents, Y/n’s parents, even the teachers. Then the strong smell of disinfectant indicated to him that he was in a hospital.

There were also doctor’s checkups. A lot of doctor’s checkups. He remembered those checkups almost made him stay up all night. It was hard to forget how scared he was of the doctors handling him.

The only memory that engraved into his mind was when the doctor told his parents that he was permanently blind because of the accident. Then he heard more of his parents’ cries.

+++

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief. “You’re wrong, mom.”

“You’re still defending her?” His mom raised his voice. “Look what happened to you after she came into your life.”

“I’m defending her because the good things she’s done outdid the bad things.”

His mom grunted.

“Yes, she might be the one who made me blind, but she is – was – also the one who pushed me to become a national athlete.” Jungkook regained his breath before continuing his speech. “At the start, I didn’t really like swimming. But when Y/n said that it was cool to be able to swim fast, I was motivated.” Pause. “And don’t even talk about how many times she supported me, accompanied me. She never skips coming to my competitions and practices.”

All he said was true. As much as he wanted to hate you, he couldn’t. A part of him – a big part – still needed you and missed you.

With one last statement, Jungkook ended his conversation with his mom. “You not being able to forgive Y/n is the reason why my career almost ruined. If you really want me to succeed, help me find Y/n.”

It didn’t even take his mom more than three days to find you.

Jungkook was listening to a podcast when he received a notification from his mom. Words couldn’t explain how shocked he was when he realized it was the address he knew well – your grandpa’s house. With you on his mind, he left his house and went to where you were.

Because your grandpa only lived outside the city, it didn’t take long for Jungkook to arrive there. The familiar smell of lavender still lingered just like how he remembered it. He smiled internally knowing that your grandpa still took care of his lavender plants after all this time.

Right before he got the time to step further near your grandpa’s house, he heard a voice calling him. He instantly recognized it as yours.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, your voice getting louder by the second indicating that you were walking towards him.

Couldn’t hide his smile because of meeting you again, he grinned. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked the question first.”

Jungkook sighed. Still the same stubborn Y/n that he knew. “I’m looking for you. Now answer my question.”

“Helping my grandpa around. It’s been some time since I went here.”

“But you never stayed here this long.”

“Is that a problem?”

Jungkook’s face fell. It looked like you didn’t want to talk about the elephant in the room. “I think I know the reason why you’re here.”

“Of course, I already told you the answer.”

“No, I mean��” he hesitated, not sure how to break it to you, “–I know the truth. And I’m sure you know about it, too.”

You grunted. “Jungkook, I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”

He decided to just drop the bomb at once. “The accident when we were young, my blindness, my mom hating you and making you leave me.”

He heard you chuckle at his response. “If you really think the reason I’m here is because of your mom, you’re dead wrong.”

Good. He made you angry.

“I’m not gonna beat around the bush, if you have nothing important to do here, I suggest you leave.”

“Can we talk about this first?”

“What is there to talk about?”

“Everything!”

“I don’t have the time. Just go home.” Jungkook heard your footsteps, you were walking away.

“Please, Y/n,” Jungkook called.

“What is there to talk about?” you repeated the question after stopping in your tracks.

Almost giving up, he answered, “Us.”

“We should never be friends, Jungkook. Your mom was right to separate us.”

“Why?”

“Look at you!” you half-yelled. “Look at what I did to you! Oh, gosh, I can’t even look at you without hating myself.”

“Y/n-” Jungkook took a step.

“No. Listen to me first. I’m really grateful to know you. But your mom was right. I did too much damage to you. We can never be friends.”

“Y/n, I don’t understand what you mean by that. It was an accident, yes, you knew no better. But don’t think it was a tragedy. It wasn’t and it’ll never be,” Jungkook tried to reason with you.

“How can you call it ‘not a tragedy’ while you’re standing there unable to see permanently?”

“I lived with this for so long I almost forget what it feels like to be able to see. Being blind is a part of me now and I already accept it. But why can’t you and mom accept me?”

The next thing he knew, you ran to him and hugged him so tight he was scared that would break a bone. But another part of him, his heart specifically, drumming against his chest he was sure you could hear it.

“I’m so, so, so sorry. You don’t even know how much I’m sorry,” your cries muffled by his shirt. “I’m sorry if I couldn’t accept you. Never even think once that I have bad intentions towards you. I would never do those things to you intentionally.”

Jungkook patted your hair softly. He was lying if your cries didn't hurt him.  “I know, I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.”

“I tried to make amends with you. I befriended you, supported you, accompanied you. I basically did everything I could do. But when I realized that you were nicer than what I had thought, I only felt worse.”

“I understand.” This time Jungkook brushed his hair through your fingers. Your hair smelled like strawberries, the exact smell he liked. The smell he had missed.

“And when your mom told me that you would do better without me, I believed her.”

“That’s where she’s wrong. I did worse, you can ask her. I couldn’t do it without you.”

You pulled back slightly, but not breaking the hug. “But you’re so good at swimming.”

Jungkook smiled. “Only when you’re watching. So, can you, please, accompany me again?”

“What about your mom? She would be angry.”

“I already explained everything to her. In fact, she was the one giving away your location.”

“That’s because you forced her,” you whined.

“To be honest, I don’t really care if she still can’t accept you. At least she won’t bother you, hopefully.”

You sighed happily. “Okay. I trust you.”

As he laid on his bed that night, 

*Add a scene where Jungkook lays at night, thinking about how grateful he is for making amends with you. He also realizes that maybe he has a crush on you.*

+++

True to your words, you went with him during his practices. Although his mom never talked to you or even approached you, Jungkook felt like things were going better. At least she wasn’t talking bad about you anymore.

On the D-day, you came early – even before Jungkook himself – much to his surprise.

“You’re already here,” Jungkook said in surprise when he heard you call him. His mom was talking to coach Lee, giving him the perfect opportunity to talk to his best friend.

“For around 15 minutes, yeah,” you confirm. “Are you nervous?”

“Don’t even ask that kind of question.”

“Okay, sorry.” You laughed. Oh, how he missed that sound. “Hey, I don’t know if you’re allowed to eat a lollipop before a competition, but I’d like to give you this.”

He felt you pushing what felt like a lollipop into his hand.

“Aside from eating heavy meals, I can eat anything. So, thanks.” He opened the lollipop and put it into his mouth.

“I thought it would make you feel less nervous.”

“You know I can handle nervousness well.”

“You’ve never been to a national competition before, though.”

“Fair enough.” A sudden thought flash in his mind. “Y/n, I have something to tell you, but I think it’s better to tell you after the competition.”

Though it was a nation-wide competition, everything went quite similar like Jungkook’s previous competitions. Minutes before the competition began, he received a briefing from coach Lee, shook hands with the other competitors, and then the competition finally began.

Everything slowed down once he was in the water, it was only him, his mind, and the flow of water around him. Much to his surprise, everything went smoother and calmer than he had anticipated. He never knew that national competitions weren’t much different from his other competitions. In short, he was in his element again. He felt free.

Sooner than what he had liked, the competition ended and he was allowed to go home empty-handed. Empty-handed because he lost. He came in fourth place. Not as good as what his mom wanted, but for a newbie like him, it was just the beginning. He wasn’t sure what was the reason, but he really wasn’t feeling sad or anything.

Once he walked out the changing rooms, he felt someone hugging him. From the smell, he could tell it was you.

“I’m super proud of you. Fourth place in your first national competition? You’re gonna be a legend,” you rambled in his ear while still hugging him.

Jungkook hugged you back. “Thanks.”

You finally let him go. “I overheard coach Lee tell your mom that there’ll be another national competition. The organizer isn’t as big as this one, but he thinks it’ll be good for you.”

“Wow. Isn’t that, like, too soon?”

“Don’t know when it’ll be, though. You can just ask coach Lee.”

“I will. Thanks, Y/n.”

“So, do you have something to tell me?”

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Before the competition, you told me you have something to tell me.”

“Oh, right.” To be honest, he kinda wanted to regret it as soon as he had said it back then. Damn you to always remind him.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing serious.”

“It sounded serious.”

Jungkook groaned. “Do you really need to know?”

“Of course. I’m your best friend. I’m ready to listen to whatever you say.”

“Then I hope you’re ready to change that status, too,” he blurted. Jungkook wanted to hit himself as soon as he realized what he had said.

Y/n coughed, probably in surprise. “What? What status?”

Jungkook took a deep breath. “I have liked you since I could remember. Don’t you think it’s time to change our status from best friends to something more?”

There was a delay in your answer. Jungkook bit his bottom lip, scared you wouldn’t like what he had said.

“Right now?”

“Well, yeah, if you’d like.”

“Of course I’d like to.” Then Jungkook felt your weight on him; you hugged him again, this time stronger than before.

And without words, Jungkook felt your soft lips on his. It tasted better than what he had imagined. He smiled to the kiss.

There were two things on top of Jungkook’s wishlist: to be able to see you and to be your boyfriend. At least he was able to check the latter.

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Indulgence WRATH

~ Yes it’s me again. I am not sure if other fanfic writers read my stories but I wanted to thank them for the inspiration they gave me to write stories ❤️ (and also people who like and re blogs them ❤️ thank you so much)~

A/N: I took some initiatives for how the pacts with the brothers work. I am not saying it is how it is supposed to work like that or how I headcannon it but it serves the purpose of my story.

====================================

What would happen if you indulge in their sins?

==================================== Warnings: mentions of : alcohol(barely)/ violence (nothing explicit really) / blood

====================================

They were following you since you went back to the human world for a well deserved vacation. You needed to see your family. You never noticed them as they were being careful for you not to see them and you had no reason to think that someone would do that. You had been in the Devildom for a few months and even though it was hard at the beginning, you fitted in rapidly. The 7 brothers started to warm up to you slowly, one by one and you made the prowess to have a pact with all of them. The other demons seemed to either like you and tried to be your friend or they just tolerated your presence but you never had any problem with them. So you enjoyed your stay with your parents, telling stories about the brothers, of course while hiding that you were in fact staying in Hell. For the first evening with them, your parents invited the rest of the family who lived near them for a nice dinner. You enjoyed catching up with your cousins, seeing your nephews and siblings, and just genuinely enjoying your evening without a care in the world. The next couple of days was spending time sightseeing with your parents and seeing other family members who couldn’t come to the little party your mum threw for you.

You received a text from your favourite cousin who invited you to her house which you accepted eagerly. So that evening, you got ready and your mum gave you a lift to your cousin’s home. When you exited the car, your mother promised to come pick you up in the morning. You nodded and smiled at her while telling her good night. The whole evening was spent drinking and talking while listening to some music. It was getting late so you all went to bed. You woke up the next day a tad hungover and looking at your phone. It was still early but got up anyway as you heard someone in the kitchen. 

You had some breakfast while talking to your cousin and waited for your mum but she was late. You looked at your phone and saw no text which was weird as you knew she would have texted you to say that she was on her way. Still you waited. After an hour, you called her but you only got her voicemail, so you tried your dad. Same result. You started to get worried and asked your cousin to bring you back to their house. 

After jumping off the car, you ran to the front door of your parents’ house and you gasped. The door looked like it had been kicked in and was left open. You looked outside and saw two figures further down the road which looked a bit familiar but you paid them no mind as you were worried sick. You tried to listen inside for any noise but didn’t hear any so you went inside. The hallway looked as tidy as ever except for a few splinters on the floor but when you entered the dining room, you felt your chest tightened at the sight. Both of your parents tied up to the chairs they were sitting on, both unconscious and both bloodied. You walked over them, trying to see if they were still alive and to your relief, they were. You let out the long breath you had been holding in and let some tears flowing on your cheeks. You tried to calm down and picked up your phone to call an ambulance. When you turned around while the phone was ringing you saw it. Bloody words written on the white wall in your parents’ living room. 

“To make them suffer, it’s to hurt you” 

The voice over the phone got you back to reality and you said what just happened. Once the phone call was over you turned back to the writing and read it over and over again until the true meaning of those words finally sunk in. You saw movements in your peripheral vision and looked at that direction. It was the two persons you saw earlier. They were smirking at you, proud of themselves then they ran off. You realised who they were, demons. You had seen them a few times when Diavolo, the future king of the Devildom, had thrown parties for whichever reason he came up with and they never talked to you but they would look at you with condescension. You were fine with that but you didn’t think that they would hate you that much. The realisation was slowly changing into disbelief then to anger. You were starting to shake as the anger took hold of your body. They used your family, tortured them for you to find and to hurt you knowing they did all of that so they could get to you. It was one thing to hurt you it was another to hurt someone you loved. The anger turned to fury. You felt a weird tingling where one of the pact’s marks was which became as a burning and you looked at it. It was the pact with Satan. It shone with an eerie light and when you touched it Satan appeared. You jumped at the demon’s appearance in the living room. He looked weird, sweat dripping down his temples but you didn’t have time to ask him anything as the paramedics had arrived and started to work on your parents without you telling them anything. 

You looked with a blank expression as they were working on cutting the rope holding your parents up in their chairs to put them on a stretcher then they left. Police arrived while the unconscious bodies were brought to the ambulance. They looked around and asked you a few questions then they saw the writing. They asked you if you knew who did that and you shook your head. They wrote your details down in case they needed for you to be questioned more then they took some notes and told you that you could leave and be with your family. You were surprised by how calm you were during all that time not panicking, you just basked in the feeling the fury you were nurturing gave you. You could hear the demon next to you breathing heavily and once it was the two of you, you turned your whole body to face him. “Satan? What are you doing here? And how?” He looked at you with his eyes that were glowing. He got closer to you and stood a few inches from you. “I don’t know? What happened? Where are we?” His voice was raspy, his eyes were showing an emotion you’ve never seen before and couldn’t name it. The fury you were feeling earlier was still present and constant, it felt like it was fuelled somehow as you weren’t one to feel like that for that long. You looked away from the Avatar of Wrath as you were intimidated by his intense gaze. “You are standing inside my parents’ house.” You trailed off… something felt off. Why weren’t you worried for your parents and going to the hospital to be with them or calling your siblings to let them know what happened. You shook your head. “Come, we have to get to the hospital. I’ll tell you on the way.” You looked for your mom’s keys, grabbed them and went to the car. 

You arrived at the hospital, the journey was short and you told Satan everything in the car. You kept looking at him. Satan was still looking at you weirdly but you waved it off as you tried to get preoccupied by your parents’ health. You had contacted your family while driving and they joined you at the hospital. You waited for a few hours before two doctors came over to give you some news. Your parents were fine, their injuries weren’t life-threatening and you could see them. You rushed to their bedsides and saw they were still unconscious but you all decided to stay until they woke up. Satan would stay behind as to not bother your family with his presence. 

You had been in the room for some time when a nurse with a mask entered the room. They looked familiar and you thought it was weird they were masked though. They looked at you and you felt a weird vibe coming off them then they looked at Satan who was watching them closely. Their eyes widened when they saw the other demon and they left in a hurry. You could feel Satan’s wrath fuelling yours as you realised what had just happened. Your head snapped towards the Avatar and you saw his eyes emitting a bright light and his aura darkened. You knew you had to calm him down as your family was there but all you could think about was that feeling flowing in your veins, filling you with a sense you wanted to bask in and let it overpower you. Satan finally looked at you and stared at you intensely. You knew then that he could feel the same thing as you, you knew that what you were seeing in his eyes were mirrored in yours. You were about to let that fury take you and run after that demon when you heard your dad’s voice. You calmed down a bit and went by his head. You hugged him and apologised. He made a dad joke despite the situation he was in and you laughed despite how bad it was but you were relieved he was still the same. The doctor arrived and interrupted you. The police was here and wanted to speak with your parents then the doctor asked you all to leave so they could rest. You all agreed and left the room. You talked to one of your siblings to ask if they could help you clean the house if the police was done with it and if you and Satan could stay with them. Obviously, they agreed, you said that you needed to get some stuff at the house and you would be at your sibling’s house later that day. You left, Satan following you and you sat in the car. You were sitting behind the wheel staring blankly in front of you, trying to make sense of everything. The blond demon was looking at you patiently, waiting for you to talk first. After a few minutes, you exhaled a long breath. 

Your whole body was shaking and you felt Satan’s hand on your shoulder. You turned your head and smiled at him softly. He looked worried. “Are you alright?” You shrugged and put your hands on your face. The pact mark was throbbing on your skin and you still felt the anger flowing in your veins. Satan hummed and rubbed your shoulder to try and soothe you. “So what’s happening Satan? How did you get there?” He stopped his hand and put his hands on your wrists to get them off your face then took your chin so you could look at him. “Have you ever felt wrath in your life?” You shook your head. “I might have been pissed off but it never lasted and it was always for petty things.” He nodded and touched your cheek. “I think when you discovered your parents and knew who did it you got angry. As you have a pact with me, the Avatar of wrath, your anger turned to wrath. Through our pact, I could feel it and when you touched it you might have summoned me unconsciously.” You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes. You had never really thought about your pacts with the seven brothers. You knew you could control them with a word and summon them but you didn’t know they could feel it when you had any feelings that were similar to their sins. “So you are feeling my anger right now.” He looked into your eyes and smiled. “Yes, I am revelling in it actually and also fuelling it.” Your eyes widened at his confession. After a few seconds, you narrowed your eyes at him while sitting up. “Seriously?” He smirked and his eyes darkened. “What did you expect?” You scoffed and started the car, ignoring the question. 

You arrived at your parents’ house and went inside. You still hadn’t muttered a word since the conversation with Satan. When you entered the living, people from the police were still inside. You looked at the chairs and the blood on the floor and anger started to boil in your veins. Again, you felt your pact mark throbbing and you looked at Satan who was watching, the smirk he had earlier still on his face then you looked ahead and saw them. The demons who tortured your poor parents. They posed as police officers to get inside the house again, you didn’t really understand why but when they saw you, they left and this time you drew the anger from the pact. You could feel it trickling down your body, overtaking every sense. You started to follow them, Satan behind you. You could sense him as your anger grew more intense. It was as if a thread was connecting the two of you and you were feeding off of each other. He shared with you his power while you fed him your anger. It was still daytime but you didn’t care. It was them or your family. You followed them inside an apartment building. They took the stairs and you followed them quietly. You were glad Satan was there. He followed you silently. He didn’t try to talk you out of it. You didn’t know what “it” was but Satan seemed to be confident every time you glanced at him. You saw them enter an apartment so you tiptoed until you were in front of the door and put your ear on it to listen attentively inside, Satan doing the same. You could hear the two demons talking, there wasn’t another one inside. You were kind of relieved as you didn’t know what you wanted to do exactly but at least it would be two against two. You looked at Satan who was in front of you. His eyes shone with anticipation and you put your hand on the doorknob. He nodded at you and slowly you turned the doorknob hoping it wouldn’t make a noise. 

Satan entered first then you followed, he had turned into his demon’s form, black smoke following him and hiding you in the process. You heard the two demons gasp when they noticed the Avatar and they started to talk. You appeared from behind Satan and they stopped talking. They were shocked to see you then they started to apologise, cowering under Satan’s glare. Satan told them to be quiet which they did. You weren’t one for confrontation but seeing those two, knowing what they did, spurred on your wrath which further fed Satan who turned around as he was feeling your wrath growing. He couldn’t contain himself anymore and you knew it. You looked at him, that thread you felt you could see it, growing and you didn’t need to talk to understand each other. You nodded and the demon stretched his lips into a devilish smile. You watched as Satan dismembered the two demons who tried to defend themselves against the Avatar but couldn’t. Satan finally stopped. He was covered in blood, barely panting despite the efforts it took to kill them but he was, after all, one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom. He looked at you, a smile on his face, and returned to his human form. You just stood there, looking him up and down then around him. You were wondering what you should do about the mess when you heard Satan calling your name. “Are you okay?” He was watching you, a look of worry on his face and you smiled brightly at him. “Of course, I am! I was just wondering how we would manage to clean all the blood”. He laughed and it startled you. It was a genuine laugh, as a melody and you were overjoyed to hear it. It made you chuckled. “I can’t believe that’s what your thoughts are about. You just saw me kill two demons with my bare hands and you are wondering how we should clean the blood.” You shrugged and got closer to him. Your vengeful mind was finally gone and you had another feeling replacing it when you looked at the beautiful, bloodied demon in front of you. He was watching you, amusement in his eyes and also disbelief. “I didn’t know you could be so cold, you who are so kind and caring”. You got closer to him. “I am caring. My parents got tortured because of me by them. That is me, caring.” 

He stepped to meet you and you were now inches from each other. He hummed and fell silent. You were staring at him, how some blood got into his blond hair and it was drying slowly. How his eyes were still glowing from his sin. How beautiful and attractive he was right now despite all the mess on him. You put your hand inside your sleeve and tried to get some of the blood off of his face before it got too dry. He let you do it, enjoying the feeling of you caring for him, especially after the horrible thing he just did in front of you. When his wrath had worn off, he got scared that you would have been afraid of him and would run away but you had stayed. You were still there and now trying to clean his face as best as you could. He felt grateful. He took your hand off his face and kissed it. It sparked off the new feeling inside you. You tried to fight it but when you looked at his eyes, the adoration inside them, it snapped. You kissed him. He froze at the sudden contact but soon he relaxed and wrapped his arms around your waist. The kiss was soft at first but it became more passionate and heated as the seconds passed. He broke off the kiss and put his forehead on yours. “You’ll get bloody.” You kissed him again and whispered “I don’t care”. He smiled and kissed you hungrily. Your last thought was that you hoped you wouldn’t summoned Asmodeus by mistake.

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THE END

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are welcome 🤗

[xdivyxd]

I know my love should be celebrated (pt.1)

Pt.2 can be found here :)

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Word count : 1170

Description : this is just pure angst, like not even a little bit of happiness. Based on the song ' tolerate it' by Taylor Swift :)

Warnings: none? Lmk if I'm wrong:)

"Hi" i said as i walked out of my room, Gerard just got home from the studio.

his band, my chemical romance is recording their new record and he had been getting home late each night and leaving early each morning, i bearly get to see him anymore.

"Hi" he says without looking at me and lying down on the couch "i made dinner cuz you said you would come home early today but it's cold now" he looked at me frustrated, as if i said something wrong "i couldn't get away early y/n, why are you attacking me?" i felt my heart ache  a bit at how harsh his voice sounded.

I went to the kitchen, taking the fancy plates that i took out just for tonight and put them back in their cabinets, trying to control my emotions, trying to understand my boyfriend.

'He loves me, he's just tired and this album is important to him' i keep repeating in my head, breathing deeply. 'He's not tired of you, it's just from all the work he's doing'

"I am not attacking you Gee I was just saying" i responded to his question, and took a sit next to him on the couch handing him a cup of tea "how was today? What did you record?" I looked at him as he put the cup on the table and got up "it was fine, I'm really tired I'm gonna go to bed"

I nodded, mumbling a quiet 'good night'.

I steard at the cup of tea that he didn't even take one sip of, he did not say good night. It felt like he care about me anymore.

I decided to leave the cup of tea in the living room, along with my sadness and just go to bed, maybe if I'll wake up tomorrow before he leaves to the studio he'll be in a better mood and it'll be better.

I got in bed next to Gerard, looking at him breathing peacefully, i smiled to myself and closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep.

When i woke up in the morning, reaching out to Gerard's side of the bed only to find it empty, my heart broke, i missed him again..

I got up and walked to the kitchen, i poured myself a cup of coffee and looked through the paper for a while before getting ready for work.

When i got home at night from my shift Gerard was sitting in the living room watching TV and drinking coffee

"We need to talk" i said as soon as i saw him, all day i was thinking about the state of our relationship in the past few weeks and i hated it.

I hated the way he made me feel, desperate to be included in his life, begging to be a part of his story.

"Alright" he said, a bit concerned, and i set down next to him, looking at his face, and all i could think about how this might be the last time I'm seeing his face.

"Why do you hate me?" Those are not the words i wanted to say to him, this is not how i wanted to start this conversation, but my mouth was faster then my mind..

"I don't hate you, why would you even think that?" His voice was soft, his hand resting on my thigh "y/n what's going on?"

I blinked, is he dumb? Or is he just acting dumb?

"You're tolerating me instead of loving me" his once soft gaze, turned into a mixture of sadness and anger

"I do love you y/n" i shook my head "it's not what i mean" i simply said and got up from my spot on the couch, i had so many feelings trapped inside of my body i just had to get up and walked it off, i couldn't sit still.

"So explain to me, what do you mean?" He got a bit frustrated, i could feel that he did not want to hace this conversation right now, but i didn't care.

"You go to the studio every morning so early, you don't even leave a note, you don't call at all throughout the day, you come home late every night, you don't say a word to me, how am i supposed to feel about that?" i said throwing my arms up in frustration

"I need to go to the studio, it's my job y/n." Now he also got up, now this conversation turned into a fight

"Would you stop saying my name like that?!" My voice got a bit higher than usual, which happens when i get mad

"Like what?" He said and let out a frustrated breath

"Like it's disgusting you, like i annoy you, like you're patronizing me." I felt a lump in my throat and i tried very hard not to cry.

"I'm not patronizing you, I'm trying to understand what do you want me to do" i rolled my eyes "i want you to show me that you love me and not only say that you do. Cuz at this point i don't really believe you anymore"

"I am doing everything i can! I want you to be happy but i have a career to maintain. My band mates, my friends, are counting on me."

"And i am supporting your career Getard but goddammit i also count on you! I need you too Gerard!" I raised my voice and this time a few tears fell down my checks, i wiped them with the back of my hand and looked at him, i saw that his heart was breaking, i can see it in his eyes..

"Can we just go to bed and talk about it tomorrow? I'm really tired i had a long day today" he asked and looked at me with a, now, blank expression on his face.

Of course he wasnts to take a break from the fight, cuz it doesn't matter what i need or feel "no we can't go to bed, we either do this now or we're done. I don't deserve to feel like this."

As soon as i said it i regretted it, i hoped he would keep talking to me, that he would not walk away from us, that he would tell me he's sorry and it'll change.

I hoped he won't end us.

"Then i guess we're done" he said quietly, i can see the heartbreake in his eyes

"Gerard.." i whispered as he put on his shoes and jacket and opened the door to our home "I'll stay at Mikey's tonight"

I couldn't believe he would just walk away from us, from me..

He closed the door as tears ran down my face "no please" i said as a sob escaped my lips as i walked outside after him, but he was already gone, i was left alone, sobbing, stranding in front of our house, hoping he would come back.

But he didn't

[practickles]

A Much Needed Sewing Lesson (Squealing Santa 2022 I)

Fandom: The Owl House

Lee: Hunter

Ler: Darius Deamonne

Platonic/Familial ofc

Word Ct: 1.6k

Warnings: Tickles, Brief mention of a sewing needle, self deprecating thoughts and words, a touch of angst

Squealing Santa gift for @alexielvee This takes place at some point between Any Sport in a Storm and Hollow Mind. The prompt I used was "Person A is insecure about something and Person B makes a game, for everything bad thing said about themselves (themselves as in person A) one minute of tickles" I am so sorry this took me so long to get out, life has really been getting in my way lately. I hope you enjoy regardless of the wait, happy holidays!

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“Ow!” Hunter yelped as his needle poked through the fabric too hard and hit his finger for the sixth time that day. “Darius, what am I even doing wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Darius responded with a tired sigh. “You just need to be more careful. These things take practice. It would do you some good to learn some patience.”

The two were alone in Darius’s study, all work for the day completed early enough to make time for a brief sewing lesson. Hunter frustrated and Darius running thin on tolerance though, they were making far from progress. 

“I don’t even get why I have to learn how to do it this way! You can do it with your abomination magic easy! Isn’t there anything like that I can do?” Hunter complained.

“As I have explained to you hundreds of times already, it makes it easier to do it magically if you do it this way first. Besides, unless you plan on taking years and years learning abomination magic for such a menial task, you shouldn’t be comparing our abilities. Though I’m beginning to have my doubts on your dedication to learning how to sew.” Darius brought a hand to his own temple and rubbed it firmly. “Now if you want my help that I am so generously giving you with what little spare time I have, I suggest you pick that needle back up and try again.”

Hunter huffed from his position on the floor and gave a slight glare to his mentor as he reluctantly obliged. He continued his work in silence, Darius’s firm gaze fixed upon him. 

“You’re going to tear the fabric if you keep pulling though it that hard. You need to relax.” Darius pointed out, taking care to keep his voice calm so as not to make the situation worse. 

“Well maybe I could relax better if I wasn’t so awful at this!” Hunter burst out, tossing his project onto his lap. 

“Don’t say things like that. Like I’ve said, you just need time and practice.” Darius reprimanded.

“But it’s true, Darius! I’m terrible at this! I’m terrible at sewing, I’m terrible at being in the Emperor's Coven, I’m terrible at making friends! I’m just terrible!” Hunter felt his face go red and the beginning of tears sting his eyes.

Okay, maybe this was about more than sewing. 

The two sat in tense, stunned silence.

Darius didn’t know what to do. Never before had he seen such raw emotion from the boy across from him. He supposed it was a mark of their newfound closeness to each other and felt a slight sense of pride at the thought. That being said though, he had very little experience with comforting others, especially teenagers saddled with more than anyone should ever have to take on. Sure he had his own experience and that of his friends from distant years ago but the tests of time had left Darius unable to fully grasp what the young boy was going through. 

Wait. 

Thinking back to his own teenage years reminded Darius of a particular game he and those close to him used to enjoy in times of need. It was definitely worth a shot.

“I think we’re both overdue for a break.” He broke the silence, making Hunter look up at him, rubbing his eyes in the process, already embarrassed of his outburst. “I suggest we play a game of sorts.”

“Shouldn’t I be working on sewing? Like you said, neither of us get much time to do this kind of thing.” Hunter questioned softly.

“Which, little prince, is exactly why we should step back for a moment and take a break.” Darius said with a soft smile. “Working while in your current state won’t make you much progress. You’ll improve at a higher rate later on. Consider it training.”

“Okay.” Hunter said, quickly adding “But only because it will help me get better at sewing.”

“Whatever you say.” Darius rolled his eyes, not entirely convinced.

“So what do I even need to do for your game anyways?” Hunter asked.

“It’s better demonstrated.” Darius walked over to Hunter, sat on the floor in front of him and moved any fabric and supplies well out of the way. “You have a particular habit of talking about yourself in a less than complementary way.”

“Well tha-” Hunter fruitlessly began. 

“Hush. You asked for instructions and I am giving them to you. This game is meant to combat that habit of yours. If you are uncomfortable at any point, just say something and I will stop at once. Understood?” 

“Understood. Though I’m still confused on-” 

“You won’t be for much longer.” Darius, without further hesitation clawed his hands and grabbed Hunter’s sides, squeezing them rapidly.

Hunter had no time to prepare for the sudden onslaught, making him all but scream with unexpected laughter. “AHEHEAH WHYHY?” He screeched.

“For every negative comment you make about yourself, you get this,” He emphasized with a particularly rough squeeze, “For another minute. As you have already made six, this may be a long game for you.” Darius briefly removed a single hand to form an hourglass out of abomination goo and let it begin to drip, signifying the time Hunter had left. 

Hunter, still helplessly laughing at his mentor’s touch, looked at the hourglass, torturously slow dripping down. “I caHAHAHN’T MAHAHAKE IHIHT THAHAHT LOHNG.”

“Hm. That’s too bad.” Darius’s voice was too monotone to the point that any words he said so casually teased the younger to absolute bits. That was definitely on purpose. “Well, I believe doubting your ability gets you another minute.” He moved to squeeze rapidly at Hunter’s hips, sending him into further hysterics as he watched the top of the hourglass fill with more goo. 

“NOHOHO NOHOHOT THAHAT, IHIHM SOHORRY.” He just barely was able to get out through his own laughter. 

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy this. You’ve barely been trying to get away and you haven’t asked me to stop once, despite saying you would.” Darius pointed out, aside from a steadily growing smirk, emotionless as ever as Hunter flushed at his words. “If you’re really soooo sorry, you can give yourself two compliments and have a minute taking off.” 

Hunter squirmed back and forth on instinct, and had it been really anyone other than Darius, he might have been able to get away but unfortunately (or really fortunately) the older man was far stronger and was easily able to keep Hunter in his grasp. “I CHAHAN’T THIHINK OF ANHAHAYTHING.THEHERE’S NOHOT MUHUHCH TO COMPLIMEHEHNT”

“What a shame. That’s another minute. It’s almost as if you’re doing this on purpose.” Darius said smugly, moving one hand from the boy’s hip to quickly scribble over his stomach.

“I WAHASN’T THIHINKING.” Hunter squealed as Darius brushed over a particularly sensitive spot. “I DIHIHDN’T MEHEAN IT.” He racked his brain for anything he could say about himself to make up for his slip up but the tickles were making it a little hard to think clearly. He then remembered the very thing that got him into this mess in the first place. Yeah. He could use that. “IHI’VE BEHEHN WORKING HARARD OHON SEWHING AND IH”VE GOHOTEN A LIHITLE BETTER”

Darius sighed, “I’ll take it.” A thin layer of goo dissipated from the top of the hourglass, “Though I’d argue that “working hard” and “a little better” are not  sufficient complements.” He figured he should show at least a little mercy and count Hunter’s half-baked attempt regardless.

“I CAHAN’T THIHINK STRAHAIGHT, IT TIHIHCKLES. CUHUT MEHE SOME SLAHCK.” He demanded.

“Oh does it now? It’s almost as if that’s the whole point of this exercise, little prince.” Darius quipped sarcastically. “Though if you really want it to tickle, I suppose we could work something out.” Without any further warning, Darius moved both hands to swiftly prod and squeeze at Hunter’s ribs, causing a scream to ring out from him at the sudden intensity. “This is a bad spot, isn’t it?.”

Hunter didn’t have a clever retort or really any words as he had no choice but to sit back and lose himself in happy laughter. At one point or another he had leaned his head back and shut his eyes, so it came as a surprise when he heard a “One more minute” from a voice above him. 

Darius began to slow down his hands in an attempt to ward away at least a little of what was sure to be lingering sensitivity when the minute was up. He lightened his touch and moved again to his sides, leaving Hunter in constant giggles, as opposed to the screaming of earlier. 

He finally stopped the tickling and moved back to give Hunter room to breathe through the remainder of his laughter. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeheah. After all, Ihi’ve been through haharder training.” Hunter giggled

“I’m glad. If you’d like, we can go back to sewing after a bit of a break. We still have a little time.” 

“Thahat sounds good, but I sthihill need a bit of a breather.” 

“I believe we can work that in.” Darius fondly smiled at him. 

It was truly an odd sight to see Hunter so comfortable and happy and… relaxed. Darius didn’t think anyone had seen him like this in years. He realized with his own smirk and teasy eyes, he might have looked the same to Hunter. They were incredibly lucky to have each other.

----

Special thanks to @hypahticklish for hosting @squealing-santa this year, you've been incredible!

[idyllic-musings]

🌹| general intro: eir.

                               (picrew credit)

"A traveling doctor and historian with an ungovernable spirit. Strangely, they do not seem to belong to any of the seven nations, yet their skill is well respected among their peers nonetheless. Their eyes tell the stories of a nation long gone."

personality.

kind and free-spirited, eir goes wherever their heart leads them... or wherever they are needed next. usually wherever they are needed next. they often receive letters from acquaintances, friends, and strangers alike, all requesting their input and expertise in not only medicine, but history as well, and—of course, the kindly soul that they are—they are more than happy to help. although, it should be noted that eir has a sharp tongue when they feel threatened. they also have an unfortunate inclination to gossiping, and worse? high status does not grant any kind of immunity from being their next victim. however, they are careful, and harmful gossip is kept to a minimum... at least, for those who they believe are truly good at heart.

brief trivia.

eir is non-binary (they/them). they hail from khaenri'ah and, as a result, are cursed with immortality.

physically, they appear to be in their late twenties.

their hair was once significantly longer, but immediately following the cataclysm, they had a friend from the akademiya cut it down to shoulder length (they keep it tied up, but when it is down, it reaches to their shoulders). they were still recovering and did not have the mobility to do it themselves.

eir did not need glasses initially, but their eyesight has degraded for reasons unknown to them. they believe it may have been caused by an injury that they overlooked. thankfully, it does not seem to be getting any worse.

eir does not talk about how they got their anemo vision. it's better that no-one asks about it; at best, it annoys them. at worst, they get defensive and verbally aggressive.

eir does not take to authority well, especially when it involves the seven. they avoid nations that are heavily governed by their respective archons for that exact reason.

pierro once asked them to join the fatui, to which they promptly told him to "go fuck himself" in front of all the other harbingers. a few of the other harbingers still tease him about it to this day.

the only harbinger they can tolerate is la signora, though it isn't exactly well-understood why. oddly enough, the two seem to be... close friends?

eir is generally nonviolent and doesn't believe in harming innocent folk who did nothing wrong. revenge is not something they seek. perhaps it has something to do with their occupation.

"Eir? Oho, I had no idea you had so many connections, traveler. Though, I suppose they aren't all that elusive... They tell me about what Khaenri'ah was like sometimes. It's a nice gesture. To know that there is someone who will still support me, regardless of what I do... It is comforting." —Kaeya

"Eir? Ah... nope! Never heard of them. Ehe... Anyway, how about I read you a new poem I wrote? I've been working on it for a long time, you know!" —Venti

"Eir, upon occassion, will stop by the pharmacy for supplies. Sometimes they stay a while and help out where they can. They and Changsheng like to gossip together. [Sigh] What a headache those two can be... but even so, their skill is to be admired. They are a good person at heart. Changsheng and I know that they do not belong to this era. When they are ready, they will talk about it, but until then... we will say nothing of it." —Baizhu

"Oh, Eir? The traveling doctor... they are very kind-hearted. When we were rebelling against the Shogun, they offered their services completely free of charge. There are people, good people, who would not be alive if not for them. I am not fully convinced that they are just a normal human, but that doesn't really mean much of anything to me. They still helped us when we needed it most. That is what matters." —Kokomi

"Eir? Hah, that doctor. They had the guts to tell off Pierro in front of all of us. Quite frankly, even I thought it to be impressive. Not a single one of us had anticipated that an unassuming traveler would have such a sharp tongue... If nothing else, they are at least the slighest bit more interesting than some others I've had the misfortune of encountering." —The Wanderer

"Ah, Eir. It really is hard not to admire someone so talented and kind. Their wisdom and knowledge has enabled me to learn a lot more about illnesses and flora that I otherwise would not have even been aware of. I very much appreciate that they do not gatekeep their knowledge—it's something both agree is unfair. Though, sometimes I do wonder where they learned all this from... Well, anyway, the only bad thing I can say about them is that they gossip... I hope to the Archons that they and Kaveh never meet. Never." —Tighnari

"I don't like them. The way they speak of Her Majesty is vile and ignorant. Hm... but they would make a good opponent. Say, traveler, you think you could convince Eir to fight me? No? Aw, what a shame..." —Childe

[faeriedaez]

I don't know. I do feel better now. Catharsis, I guess! But it's interesting to me, it's always been interesting to me really, how when you walk away you give up any control of the narrative. Feelings will change and inform the memory once you've turned your back.

I've always struggled with the delusion that every situation could have been solved with the right combination of words at the right time. But I really can't shake the feeling. If during those late nights in your room I had told you the kinds of things he was saying to me on a daily basis, how would this story have gone? Or when I had asked you to please reach out and get involved, if I was more forthcoming about how overwhelmed and over my head I was feeling how might we have tackled this together? Or if I had admitted these regrets earlier, how much more human might I seem to you two? An obsession with hindsight, I guess. Like in most cases, it always seems a question of who fires first. Often, that's it. Once they've set the narrative it's an uphill battle to change it. Now I'm the bitch, and even when I sit here begging one of you to tell me what exactly I actually did wrong, I'm told it's clear I'm unwilling to learn from this. It's a bit ironic that I can list more of my own faults in this debacle than you can and still get told that.

It's funny you know, because I did it on purpose. I never wanted to talk about him to you all behind his back. I never wanted to be responsible for changing how you all saw him, the way I felt forced to. (Besides, he never liked me telling folks he hardly knew. Can't imagine he'd have liked me telling y'all.) At the same time, I knew he'd never extend me the same favor. Honestly, I even encouraged him not to. I desperately needed him to have SOMEONE to vent to about me that wasn't ya know... me! By time we had broken up, I was already deep in the sinking feeling of who was getting the two of you in the divorce. After all, me and you never could fix things after the move. If I understand correctly we were both waiting for the other to fix it. Which is pretty classically us, to be honest. As for me and you well, at times it felt like you could hardly tolerate being in the same room as me. I'm not so proud that I can't admit a lot of that was likely just in my head but it was how I felt. Dyke drama is a hell of a drug.

So if I saw this coming, and even sat idly by and let it happen, why then is it such a hard pill for me to swallow? Well for one knowing a train is coming doesn't make it hurt any less when it hits you, even if you could have gotten off the tracks. Secondly, I suppose I always expected you all to have SOME understanding, or at least SOME curiosity, of the other side of the story. Why I might have done what I did. That you all at least might get that I had given up, not because I didn't care about the two of you, but because he needed the two of you more than I did. That we might never be close the way we used to, but there wouldn't be bad blood after I withdrew from the group as a unit. But I know I have always assumed myself more transparent than I am. I'm told that's an autism trait.

I guess, what I really didn't expect was frustrations and emotions I had admitted to him about the greater situation, long before we had broken up, to make their way to the two of you. That much really did take me off guard. It's honestly funny. Hilarious, even. Like really Stephen, you're lucky I'm not playing, because we BOTH know that isn't a game you'd fucking win. But I grew up surrounded by people who played those sorts of games and I lost my taste for them fairly quickly. I learned pretty early on that if it works on someone, then that someone is worthless to me. If even after 8 odd years hearing I had committed the thought-crime of not having enough fun while trying to help hold the group together puts enough bitter in your stomach to write me off as some bitch well then, what would I ever want from you but closure? Closure I can get just as cleanly by making a vaugepost that likely neither of you will see but HE might.

So that's it. I won't pretend I'm not going to miss us and miss you all, but I will keep moving on regardless, hopefully wiser for whatever comes next. It helps I think, that I had mourned this possibility so long ago. Perhaps, that's another way I contributed to this outcome, a defeatist attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy after all. But believe it or not, before that little spat at pride, I really still thought the 4 of us would all work it out in the end. That someday we'd be playing elf-games, confiding in each other again and this would all be some awkward period we could leave behind us. But that little explosion was the final nail in the coffin of me ever trusting him again, and if I could never be comfortable with him, we would never be the four of us again. That was all I meant by leaving the group chat. I tried to make it clear I wasn't writing ANY of you off by leaving, honestly not even him. The future is a long stretch and someday he and I might one day trust each other again. But whatever the future looked like, it wasn't going to be us four. But hey, who can blame you for shooting the messenger.

peace ✌️

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: Sui ideation, self-harm, general sui warning because idk?

Looking for: Advice

Okay, so, I'm kind of really scaring myself lately. I'm used to being able to be hit with emotional stuff and cope (in healthy or minorly unhealthy ways).

But lately I've been having worse s/h urges than usual (I want to actually draw blood and/or get something sharp to use), and there's been a couple times where the suicidal urges have been really strong.

There was a point a few years ago where I was on the edge of going and committing suicide, but my Mother (though unhelpful, could stop me) was there at the time and I didn't s/h. I've hit that point again a couple of times, and the only thing I've really managed to do with it is say "let me just do this thing, and then we'll go". Said thing is really easy for me to get locked into hyperfixation loops on so bad I'll fall asleep doing it, which is why it's my go-to, but I'm scared if I get bored of it I won't have anything stopping me anymore.

And whenever I get to these points I think, maybe I should call a hotline or something or have Mother (albeit. sleeping.) call the hotline, but I keep thinking I'm not actually going to do anything, I'm not actually feeling these urges I'm just stressed and thinking of easy outs and I just want attention.

And I know you're supposed to "call before it's too late" and "you're not seeking attention" but also. How do I know the difference between just wanting to and being at genuine risk of doing something? What if I'm really just over exaggerating? Maybe part of this is because the last time I got to this point Mother said I was being sensitive and it was my fault, etc., but I don't know.

And it's usually worn off when I wake up, so it's not really an emergency I guess? Not like I have a note or anything set up if it does happen or like I have a method or anything. There's no plan it's just like...I want to just walk out on the road and let it happen. Maybe that counts as a plan. I don't know.

But either way, I just. I don't know. It's never been so strong and so real so often, that one time was rock bottom in an already dark place, but now it's happening consistently, at least once a week if not twice or more. And it's stupid because then, like, I could be on the verge of just going through with it one night, and the next day going "yeah idk what the fuck I was on about this is tolerable", so it feels even more invalid and idk. It's so stupid. I have no idea when I should really take the risk of trying to call something or however that works (I don't even know how it works.) and I'm scared if I tell my therapist about it, he won't let me choose he'll just call. But what if I am just exaggerating and he tells me that I'm just overreacting?? Fjdjansnwjajsnnf

Haven't said anything because the only people with me rn are my Mother (concerns discussed), my therapist (concerns discussed), and my brother but. Idk. I'm scared my brother will just think I'm overreacting to nothing or whatever (he doesn't know most of my life history, and struggles understand stuff like neurodivergence beyond stereotypes, and while he brought up it sounded like I had depression at one point, I'm still unsure on where he might stand with mental illness), or that I'll just be adding to an already very loaded plate. Same with Mother. Everyone's got too much shit and if I add this to that it's just make everything so much worse.

Trying to make this as stable as possible, I'm sorry I'm going through it rn lol. I tried to cut the fluff but I'm super foggy right now and yeah. I'm gonna go do my hyperfixation thing before I do something stupid, but I appreciate any advice you can give.

(And, if you think I should be calling someone at these points, resources would be appreciated because I don't actually know what to do and if I have to tell someone I don't want them calling 911 or something. I'm not sure how reasonable that anxiety is, but yeah. Thanks. Have a good day <3)

- Ghost (👻) (Tumblr never likes to let me search my ask so I'm attempting to sign it this time so it may go through, sorry if the thing is taken)

Hi Ghost,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Please know that it's okay to call or text a crisis hotline even if you're not literally on the brink of suicide. Having the thought can escalate very quickly regardless of how many times you've had that thought before, so it's better to be safe than sorry. If you ever have those thoughts again, know that you are welcome to text HELP to 741741, text or call 988, or browse this masterpost of international crisis hotlines. I can assure you that there are no repercussions to reaching out to 741741 or 988, but I am less familiar with the resources on the masterpost, so do keep that in mind.

If anyone has any additional comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[vanquishedmelon]

Haven't We Been Here Before?

Prue Halliwell Appreciation Week 2024 - Day 3: Favourite Outfit/Colour

Cropped Pink Cardigan (Season 2, Episode 8)

Alternative version of the ending scene between Prue and Jack in 2x08. Once again, Jack is questioning of Prue’s business wardrobe. Read below the cut or on Ao3.

Author's Note: Let's be real, I didn't change much in the scene, but it's Prue/Jack content so who cares.

Prue stepped into her office and paused, suppressing a playful smirk. She was supposed to be business assertive but, damn it, she couldn’t help it.

“I could have sworn we already had this conversation… what are you doing in my chair?”

Jack Sheridan leaned back in the chair, not bothering to hide the smirk of his own. “And it seems neither of us were listening. You’re looking even more stunning than before. I don’t know how Buckland’s expects me to get any work done sending me to your office.”

“Ditto.” She placed her hands on her (noticeably exposed) hips. How ironic was it that she was wearing a pink cardigan right now when it was that version of her alter ego she was trying to suppress—or was it the blue cardigan side? Yes, blue cardigan. The point was that she wanted to respond to Jack’s witty quips in kind, playfully flirt with him, acknowledge their chemistry. But she couldn’t. No way. She had learned from her mistakes. That’s what the pink side represented, wasn’t it? She tugged at the hem of her shirt, reminding her of her position.

“Look, Jack, I’ve been burned before. It happened right in front of me, and I was too blind to realise until it was too late. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing here, but I am not sacrificing my career again.”

Leaning forward, Jack slid a clipboard across the desk towards Prue. “Then I guess you don’t want to sign this…”

Prue took a hesitant step forward, scanning the contents of the page. “You… listed me as the sales agent for the Fujimoto sale?”

“It… was your deal, wasn’t it?” At his genuine look of confusion, Prue suppressed a smile.

“Thanks. For covering for me.” She reached for a pen and scribbled down her name where it belonged.

“Of course.” His cheery face dropped into a slight frown. “Prue, I’m sorry about whatever it was that happened to you before, but I assure you that won’t happen now. I want to learn from you, not steal from you.”

Prue sighed. “I’m sorry too. I’ve let it influence my opinion of you. I mean, you do definitely drive me crazy, but…” she shrugged. “I don’t know, I think you’re growing on me.”

Jack grinned. “I am, am I?”

Prue rolled her eyes. God, he frustrated her. But there was something about it that she craved so much. She definitely wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship with a coworker when she was still healing from Roger’s betrayal—not to mention she was still grieving Andy’s death. Even so, there was nothing wrong with having some fun… right? It’s not like one date would mean she’d have to marry him.

She opened her mouth, hesitating just a moment longer before speaking. “Yes. So I think I could tolerate having dinner with you. To say thanks.”

“Well,” he leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Will you be wearing that?”

This time, her smile was genuine. “Oh, I have stuff much better than this.”

“Ugh,” Jack cried in mock distress, raising his hands. “You’re killing me here!”

“You’ll just have to wait until dinner.” She turned, suppressing a laugh. If her choice of clothing had just as much as an impact on him as he claimed, then she was going to go out of her way to make him as miserable as possible. It was only fair.

[summercreolefanfictioner]

so I was late for valentine's day so might as well make up for the lost time by posting this tribute to the odd pastel goth couple

cupid's arrow has never hurt so good || kanato x maya

TW: mentions of sex (as always) and swearing and violence

-valentine's day is highly anticipated widely in Japan, especially by boys who crave chocolates from girls whom they've been crushing on (well unless they're just jerks who has a habit of collecting every chocolate so they could score some points or whatever it was)

-maya knew abt this all too well since she was practically raised in Japan despite spending her days in the brothel and adjusting to the nightly hours of gilbert feinze (and soon after the sakamaki family)

-in fact, she's been seeing stalls sell heart-shaped boxes and treats of sweets with good luck charms that would befall any lucky couple (which ain't true tbh bcos marketing)

-however, poor vampire doll doesn't celebrate valentine's day bcos of the said legend abt saint valentine and his execution so yeah she ain't doing any handwritten letters or homemade chocolates to express her love

-the only thing that made her celebrate this time around is bcos of her purple gremlin husband who has an undying and never-ending sweet tooth and galore of tantrums aka kanato sakamaki

-and tbh maya secretly finds it harder to celebrate said event bcos even though kanato would easily be pleased by a simple bar of chocolate or anything heart-shaped dessert, she thinks he already has enough of those

-she even bets kanato already got his hands on the most expensive chocolate worldwide so yeah no simple handmade chocolate will do

-and so she had this one crazy idea... like as in crazy batsht it makes her blush and hide her face in her hands

-when valentine's day came, kanato was already expecting something akin to a heart-shaped chocolate inside his school locker; but nah, all he got is a folded letter that says "the valentine surprise is in the house" which got him a bit confused, excited, and sour at the fact that his wife has the audacity to tell him to go back home to get his valentine treat instead of directly giving it to him

-so he marched his way towards the baking club room, demanded they bring out his wife or he'll burn the whole school to the ground, when the baking club president that maya didn't have any scheduled activities for the day

-so kanato went home, sulking during their limo as he snarls every time they all try to talk to him bcos "can't you see I am not in the mood to tolerate any of you right now?"

-kanato immediately teleported to his bedroom, walking towards their shared bed when he found a large piece of chocolate on a saucer plate along with a letter that says, "in the bathroom"

-his patience was running thin; can't she see how much she's making him do all this work while she waited for him? she should've just handed her chocolate to him like a normal high school girl she is (or maybe it's what he also read based on the mangas she's been hiding in her secret box)

-so he teleported to the bathroom, readying his long-ass speech and death threat with a mix of punishment, when he saw maya sitting in a tub filled with pink and dark chocolate; a frown on her face with her cheeks reddening as she tried to dip her body lower to cover her womanly parts

-now that made kanato a bit speechless... until he remembered why he was so mad at her

-"what are you doing? and where is my chocolate? you're supposed to give me one today, Maya-san."

-"... I... I am y-your chocolate."

-"how..." a smirk plays around his lips, "interesting"

-and the next thing, kanato got undressed, cleaned himself, then dipped in the chocolate carefully so he wouldn't spill all the precious chocolate on the floor (reiji will most likely punish them later but meh as if he cared)

-maya only scooted away, only for kanato to grab hold of her wrist and pull her close, accidentally spilling some of the chocolate in the process

-"why are you running away? don't tell me you think you could get away from what you've done."

-"I-I didn't think about that for a second. I was just making room for you, that's all"

-"good. because I'm going to punish you. but first," he pushed her hair away from her neck, his face leaning close to her exposed flesh as he bit harshly and sucked her blood, "I'm going to eat my treat."

-"itadakimasu."

bonus: yes maya cleaned up bcos she doesn't want to deal with reiji

[nahalism]

Have you ever beaten yourself down or felt defected because you couldn’t uphold a routine?

I am going through something like this now. I see people around me who, of course to varying degrees (but some excell in) getting their diet, sleep schedule, studying/working, exercising routine in check, having a plan. And whenever i try, for the love of me, i just cannot uphold it. I can’t be consistent, my brain just doesn’t work like this but i keep hearing that it has improved peoples’ lives so much, developing a routine and sticking to it. And i know me not having one is probably not in my favor (studying whenever i have the ”inspiration” to because otherwise my brain just shuts off no matter how i try to trick myself instead of regularly and smooth sailing through assignments as a result) can’t go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day INCLUDING WEEKENDS can’t eat regularly. So i try to improve myself and chase this but all it does is reflect to me that i am just not able to and it makes me feel even worse about myself. And i personally know people who ARE able to do all of that and i can see it pays off in so many ways, in their life. My thoughts get in the way, my feelings get in the way and they make me pretty much not functional for periods of time and i am not sure if these people experience the exact same „wall” and they consistently push through it or if maybe my wall is just a big higher and stronger than theirs sometimes. I feel like my brain is against me, truly. (Probably relevant to mention that i do have some mental problems overall which could be affecting all i mentioned and the way i function, it still feels so defeating to me)

such a long message, i am sorry. i hope you are love lately x

hey beautiful <3. my reply will be equally as long if not longer so no need to be sorry :)

yes. lol just, yes. ive been through the exact same feelings that you describe and even though i struggle less now, i struggle less only as a consequence of my ability to be kinder and more tolerant of myself, not because ive magically changed into someone different. — ill try to explain what i did to help but ill be honest, theres only ever been one solution for me which is to do the work. its hard, its lonely, no one comes to help, or to save you, they even stop pretend ing to care. people will try to support you, but despite best intentions may fall short or lack the capacity to give you what you actually need. so you have to be the one. you have to carry yourself over the finish line, often at the cost losing things, people and parts of yourself that you think you love and cant do without (its soul wrenching but worth the initial discomfort, i promise). every breakthrough is hard earned and often doesnt even feel like the cherry on the top that its supposed to be. so the only way to find the will to keep going is to enjoy the challenge of the journey and learn to love what choosing to 'carry your own cross' is developing in you.

1) the first thing i had to do was make that cross worth carrying for myself. not because id been told to do it, had to do it, or because 'self care' is important, but because I was priority enough to myself that i found the willpower to see it though. to make that possible i had to understand why i was my number one priority, and then make my actions reflect that. it sounds heroic but it looked like excavating my soul, saying no to anything i didnt want to do, and anything i did out of obligation. that included essays, exams, my job, friends, family. maybe that sounds extreme but i realised that all those things meant nothing if the person who was meant to be showing up for them didnt want to be alive/was in anyway unhealthy, or was so dysfunctional that they showed up as a semi sane version of themselves. my whole personality was a trauma response, and even despite the trauma i had to look at what i was doing to create the circumstances i was unhappy with. going from responding unconsciously to consciously choosing my actions was brutal. all of this sounds empowering but it often looks and feels shambolic & looks like being a fuck up. i literally appeared to the outside world like someone who had gone off the edge and was failing at life. for context, making the choices im talking about led to me retaking a year at uni, being a ghost to everyone and everything in my life, having panic attacks every night because despite feeling like i was doing the right thing i had no evidence it would work and no idea how id make it out & all this lasted for way after i graduated so people were looking at me crazy :). HOWEVER, its also how i learned to draw, how i restored my relationship with myself, how i found the passion and excitement to work toward a goals i had set (not the ones set for me). i also became confident for the first time in my life. like actualll self esteem and self knowledge. i hated being seen or perceived due to things id been through, and still struggle with that now tbh. so when i look at the fuller version of myself im embodying today, the multiple ways ive put myself outside of my comfort zone, (and the versions of me i know are to come) i know that the first steps began with following my gut and taking that initial leap of faith that honoured the truth of who i felt myself to be, not the pattern id been following/living in.

2) that first step is important cause when what you do what matters to you, you gain a different willpower (aka passion) that fuels what you do and why you do it. i spent my whole childhood with e.d's and unable to consistently work out/find working out pleasurable. however once i built a relationship with myself and understood what a body was and why it deserved my respect, working out stopped being about the pressure to be a fine babe, and about desiring mobility, full function of my vehicle and longterm health. i say that to say, sometimes its not that your undisciplined, but that your trying hard at the wrong things. (an undisciplined or inconsistent person doesn't keep trying at things despite failing time and time again...). another way to look at it is — a goat is not meant to be a sheep, nor a sheep a goat. theres nothing wrong with being either, but you have to know which you are. (this takes us back to point one: are the things you put pressure on yourself to do/be/accomplish, authentic to you or are you imposing them of yourself because of pressure/expectation/superficial reasons). if its the later, you cannot wait till you have the answers to change the direction your moving in. you have to pivot, take the next step in the direction that feels purposeful and deeply honest to you, and trust that even though you cant see the whole path, the next step will be revealed as you continue to walk forward. the mental illness doesnt go away, but it fades as your tolerance increases. its not meant to be easy, if you can remember that then you'll be okay.

3) you dont have to do it perfectly. you just have to do it. over time, ive had routines w/ varying success. my overarching interests, goals/priorities are the same, but they fluctuate which means i can struggle with consistency and seeing things through (not cause i dont want to be consistent but i feel like i change so rapidly as a person that i almost forget why i set certain goals for myself and why building the routine/proficiency in skill was important to me in the first place). in this sense, its hard to accomplish a goal if you dont relate to the version of yourself you were when you set it. so part one to this point is, i have to use my quirks to my advantage. i know that i tend to cycle through my interests every 3 months ish. so, i set goals that can be accomplished in 3 month cycles rather than over the course of a year. in doing that i achieve small steps toward the larger, more diverse vision of my life i have for myself, meaning i could have one goal - lets say financial freedom - and 3 projects over the course of 9 months that feed into that goal. this works for me because i know i can sustain deep focus over the course of those three months and so will accomplish what ive set out to do. — but whats key for you, is that you find out what works for you. if you start to embrace your needs and what makes you different, you can also embrace the ways it makes you and your approach unique and innovative. rather than a hinderance or a source of 'why cant i be like/function like everyone else'. ——— that leads on to the second part, which is learning to carry the good with the bad. e.g. — whilst the way i fluctuate makes me multifaceted, it also means that one month im focused on art (my style) & reading, the next i might be on philosophy and writing, right before i get back to gardening and portrait practice, then cycle back to learning languages or an instrument. that level of commitment to multiple disciplines means what could take me 3 months to accomplish if i had a single minded focus, gets dragged out into a year long affair. lmty, its almost as frustrating to make slow progress as it is not to progress at all. so sometimes i feel like ive come so far only to have achieved the bare minimum. ive had to learn to appreciate that slow and steady approach (rather than chasing immediate perfection which leads to burn out) and be grateful for the fact that even though its taking long, at least im moving in the right direction. eventually ill learn the skill of expediting each of my processes, but right now this is where im at. extending that kind of grace and mercy to yourself is the biggest part of this all. because if i know im not good at structure, and im specifically struggling with it at this moment, maybe i dont need to hyper-fixate on having a morning routine right now. maybe for the next few months, its not about doing yoga the moment i wake up (even if i know thats best for me) maybe i just need to do yoga at 'unspecified time today'. maybe i dont need to sleep at 10pm. i can actually start work at 10pm, and go to sleep at 6 am. as long as i do yoga, as long as i go to sleep, as long i *insert task*, that is enough for right now. infact more than enough, its a victory. so, work on your own schedule and embrace it. trust that you've set goals and failed before but that you are still here and still committed to getting it right next time, which means you are a trustworthy person who can rely on themselves to show up for themselves. the more you practice not giving up, the smaller the gap between your ability to take action, which means the greater your ability to develop the skill of routine. perhaps not a conventional routine, but routine just means habit. over the course of your life, you are building the habit of not giving up. or of consistently coming back to & developing skills you wanna build. that is the desired outcome, not the structure of how you achieve that, but the fact that you have achieved some form of taking action consistently.

last thing i want to leave you with is the way i see and feel you. you could have asked me anything, you could have asked me nothing at all, but you chose to ask me about how to improve your situation. in that sense, your words have betrayed what your will and your desire is. the things we desire today, dictate the person we become tomorrow, and so i know without a doubt that its not a matter of if, but a matter of when you achieve these routines, their outcomes (& so much more, you cant even imagine whats on the other side). <3. it takes a very special kind of grit and resilience to fail and to try again. you inspire me and remind me of the qualities that make humans truly beautiful, truly necessary and truly precious. so dont give up, dont go under. none of this is meant to break you, just pull out what is inevitable to who you are and what you are meant to be. it is going to be hard, but you are not alone even when you are alone, and when you make it out the other end you become a testimony for others, (& evidence that they arent alone either). keep fighting, i believe in you, sending big love & a big hug xx-xx

[jacaeryslover]

tolerate it, an alicent hightower one-shot.

summary: reader is a daughter of alicent = mommy issues. (editing!)

—It's a Princess, my Queen—Was the only thing she heard, the sun was down and the air was heavy, the Queen has been in labour for the past hours and after all that work, she got a daughter instead of a son.—How would you like to name her?—.

—Viserys can name her—It wasn't a secret that Queen Alicent wasn't fond of her children, but the Maester hoped that she at least would name her daughter. An embarrasing hint of hope, to say the least.

That's how Visenya grow only to serve her mother, she would do anything she asked. She wore the Hightower colors, and she pleased her Grandfather as much as she pleased her Mother. Visenya thought that by doing that, someday, her mother would admit her love for her, and they would tell stories by the fire along with her brothers and sister, a silly dream, everyone thought.

—You will do as I say Visenya, this is your dutty as a Princess of the realm!—Alicent says strongly, almost as if she isn't asking her to accept a marriage with Lord Borros Baratheon.—Having this wedding would only tighten your brothers claim—.

—I would rather feed myself to the dragons if that meant I wouldn't marry that old man, mother. I would do anything you ask, but not this.—Visenya did not often challenged her mother, but marrying an old man, she would rather die.

—Visenya, you imbecile, do you think you have a say in this? The betrothal has already been made.—

Queen Alicent although being the Queen itself, did everything her father commanded, that's what she and Visenya had in common. Visenya had more courage than Alicent had when she was her age, so she spoke up, loudly and brave.

—I will not beg for your love, mother. Not anymore, not after this.—Queen Alicent was at a lost for words, Visenya was screaming at her, and she felt awful for the first time in years.—I did every single thing you asked, I wore your house colors, I followed your religion, I despise The Blacks even when they have been nothing more than kind to me, but not anymore. Not killing my brother is my last sign of respect towards you, Mother.

Visenya left, leaving a petrified Queen alone in the dark chambers. Her daughters loyalty was gone, she didn't knew what she was capable of, she barely knew her own child. This situation made her feel devastated, but it was already too late to change anything, so she waited for the consequenses of her actions.

The next day the Queen decides to lock the Princess in her chambers, and ask her to bend the knee for her brother Aegon, apparently, her father Viserys passed away, and they didn't waste any time usurping the throne, Princess Rhaenyra's throne.

—Visenya, bend the knee and I'll let you go. Don't act like you are honorable, you brought shame to our house the day you rejected the betrothal and you brought shame to me the day you screamed at me.

—I will not bend the knee for an Usurper, even if it's my own brother. And that rage? you deserved to finally see it, I'm not your little puppet anymore, mother.

—Then you will stay here, until the coronation ends. This could've been different, Visenya. You left me no choice.

Different. Different she says, nothing woul've been different unless she showed her children the love they deserved. Despite everything she did for her mother, she didn't loved her, she only loved the loyalty Visenya had for her. She thought that wouldn't change, until it did. And Visenya's silly thoughts vanished along the speaks of left loyalty.

Aegon was the King now, and she managed to escape. She flew to Dragonstone to warn the Princess, but someone was there earlier, and they did not wanted her there.

—I am here to declare my loyalty to Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, my sister.

—How are we supposed to know you are not one of those cunts spies?—Daemon overspeaks the Black Queen.

—I am here to die for the Black Queen. I will fight my own kind to put Rhaenyra on the Iron Throne, that should be reason enough for you to trust me.

—I trust you—The Queen Rhaenyra speaks, hints of affection and serenity in her well thought words.—& thank you, Visenya. For coming here.

—Anything for my Queen.