#how Scout ended up is a bit tragic

[pawseds]

JUST READ THE LAST TF2 COMIC

[puckpocketed]

5/08/2023 - Berkly Catton captains Team Canada to gold at the Hlinka Gretzky Cup, leading the tournament with 8 goals and 2 assists in 10 games || 19/01/2024 Meet the Future - Berkly Catton named Team White's captain for the CHL/NHL Top Prospects Game || 5/07/2024 - Berkly Catton signs his ELC with the Seattle Kraken

Introduction, quotes/transcripts/bits and pieces under the cut!

I can't even begin to describe how jazzed I am that Berkly Catton got drafted to a team I already love. I wrote in my Sharks off-season roundup that I was hoping against hope Catton would drop to 14th overall (back before we had moved up to 11th) and the Sharks would snap him up, as unlikely as it was that they'd try to gather more firepower when we sorely needed defensive prospects. I'm so glad I got my wish one way or another <3

Krakenblr you will LOVE this dude. He's such a star. Such a character. Berkly Catton is so, SO fun to watch. You have no idea!!! I followed him in the months leading up to the draft because there was buzz that he might be available lower down because of the Height Issue (he is, tragically, 5'11 <- which makes him undraftable unfortch) + concerns with how his game will translate to the NHL level. He is an electrifying playmaker. He's so creative, throws in so many fakes, WILL break ankles, very good hands... ough <3 everything I personally love to see in a forward all rolled into one neat little package !!!

There's the suggestion that he's been "over-scouted," which really just means they've all been watching him so long they're probably overthinking things and looking for stuff to critique. I'm inclined to believe this take over the other one because I'm an optimist and he was one of my little guys going into the draft! I won't include more of that here, but there's plenty of material out there if you'd like to look for it.

Below are some of my favourite bits and pieces from media he's appeared in <3

“I don’t like to give it away (pause) but I look at guys before games,” Catton revealed. “What’s weird is going from midget to junior hockey is a big jump. Last year I was learning. This year I wanted to add stuff. My pregame stuff and to look at guys doing draws and seeing what works. That’s pre-scouting on my end. If a guy has a certain move, and you can trump it early, it gets in his head a little bit. That helped quite a bit.”

“I think I sometimes have a problem with passing the puck too much. I love seeing my teammates score and setting up for an open net. It’s one of my favourite things in hockey, if not my favourite,” Catton admitted. “That’s something I can work on. When I get a chance put it home kind of thing. I got better this year at it’s still something I’d like to improve. Honestly, I’m a pass first mentality guy I would say.”

- Berkly Catton’s video scouting has improved his overall game

You know, when I first read and saved this article I was like; this prospect who reviews VIDEO is gonna haunt me. That's my weakness btw, I'm freak4freak. If you tell me a hockey player is also deeply infatuated with the game to the point of reviewing tape in their free time that's IT for me. it's JOEVER. i have a type and i know it <3 also wowie a pass-first guy who gets really really happy when his teammates score??? crying. crying. Berkly Catton . tucking uou gently away <3 forever <3

From A Day in the Life: Berkly Catton & Conner Roulette

Fave movie is The Notebook (<- unrelated there's a . really funny comment on this video from a philly fan lamenting that Catton likes the Notebook - I assume because that's some uhhh how do the kids call it,, femme soyboy shit? lmao anyway stay LOSING toxic masculinity !!!)

The boys call him 'Berk' <3

He talks about Jack Hughes being a big influence on him (in other media, he gives Hughes as a player comp!) and going to hang out and work with the Hughes family in Michigan. I sense a thread of admiration here like it's such a sweet little crush LOL <3 I hope he notices you Berkly !!

he gives the player of the match hat to a coach/trainer (one of the two) it's lovely... ouhhh... good little fella so polite and so conscious of staff being the foundation of his success... mwah!!

From Berkly Catton Talks Hockey Sense, His Start In Hockey & More | Game Tape With Tony

His father and grandfather built him a rink in his backyard, very sweet.

1OA in the WHL draft!

Anime main character levels of training-arc... my guy shot thousands of pucks over the summer in his backyard and then came back suddenly able to score goals. <- this is where the DIY goalie made of wood and blocker pads comes in. lol. lmao. are u even real.

sorry. sorry. OLEN ZELLWEGER MENTION. <- one of my personal favourite little guys (undersized puck moving defensemen my BELOVED) "Kind of a funny story [...] I pretty much had a breakaway, when he just turned backwards and played it as a 1-on-1 somehow, and I was like 'wow, this guy's the real deal', so." I really liked how Catton easily recalled a specific person/moment when asked who challenged him the most in the WHL; I think it speaks to a thoughtfulness about the game - it would've been easy to just give a vague Oh Everyone Is Good answer here and I like that he didn't!

There's a section where he talks about how he got so good at stick lifting, such an interesting perspective I never considered - he played in situations and against people where he couldn't just throw his body around to win, so he had to learn to get the puck in other ways. KEVIN KORCHINSKI MENTION <- another one of my little guys <3

mentions his dad being a big influence on his 'patience'. parents are so funny to me. ur watching your sons juniors matches? and Ohhhhh Chris Catton was a hockey player too . it all makes sense. Berkly Catton product of jockdad like so many before him <3

I do love that throughout this interview, Catton defers to his linemates a lot. Always hyping them up and talking about how he owes his success to them. it could be construed as false humility, given Catton was the highest scoring draft-eligible in the league - but he really does go out of his way to emphasise how highly he regards them and how much of their on-ice success is owed to good chemistry built up over the entire season. It strikes me as genuine!! He's a good boy <3

Revealed he can solve a rubix cube at the end... wow... he just liek me fr...

PLEASE watch this on-ice interview where he's chatting after a game and then gets ABSOLUTELY WASTED by 5 water bottles and all the boys. he is clearly so so so beloved in that locker room waaaahhh <3

Anyway this isn't an exhaustive list but it IS a lot of the reasons why I really liked him pre-draft. welcome to the deep Berkly <3

[ferditheas]

The Ferdinand & Dorothea A Support is Disappointing, And Here's Why

Before I begin my #HotTake in earnest, I want to make something clear: I really really like the relationship between Dorothea and Ferdinand, romantically or platonically. This critique is coming from a place of deep love. (I mean, look at my URL!)

With that out of the way... I've recently been thinking on the Ferdinand & Dorothea support chain, and I feel like it ends in a disappointing manner that does both characters and their relationship an injustice.

A quick summary of the supports, for those who don't remember:

C Support:

Ferdinand wonders why Dorothea treats him so coldly, and asks if she hates him.

Dorothea confirms that she does hate him. She won't answer him when he asks for a reason why.

She tells him that if he can guess why she hates him, she'll tell him the truth. She gives him a clue that she hates him because he's "like a bee".

B Support:

Ferdinand believes that he has solved Dorothea's, and has done so by making some pastries for her.

Bees are dutiful workers, just like Ferdinand. The bee also "inherits a capacious home, with a wealth of honey", just as Ferdinand inherited his fortune.

To try and make her feel differently about him, he makes pastries all on his own. He performed labor in order to get the ingredients, and he took on extra chores so he could use the kitchen at night.

While making the treats, he burned his hand. Dorothea notices this and scolds him, and immediately takes him to the infirmary to patch him up.

She says this incident has made her reconsider him a little bit, but that he has still failed to realize why he is like a bee.

For these two supports? No notes. Mwah. Chefs kiss. Really good stuff. But I don't think that the A Support manages to use the solid foundation it was building up very well.

A Support

Dorothea shares her tragic backstory as an orphan with Ferdinand. Nobles mistreated her when she was a street urchin, yet these sames nobles fawned over her when she was an opera star.

Ferdinand understands this is why she hates nobility, but wonders why she thinks that would apply to him.

She explains that, on the very day she was scouted for the opera, she ran into Ferdinand in Enbarr. She took a bath in the public fountains, and he glared at her. Yet when they met at the academy, he was friendly to her.

"You were like a bee, Ferdinand. A bee attracted to a flower in full bloom."

Ferdinand insists there was a misunderstanding - he was not glaring at her in disgust, but in awe. He thought she was a beautiful water nymph.

Dorothea is hesitant to accept this, but admits that she wants to believe in him.

Ferdinand says that he's glad they had this conversation, and muses that "life as a simple drone, circling a queen" would be quite wonderful.

I do think there is some really good stuff in this A Support. But this post is long enough already, so I'll focus on what I find so disappointing: it being "just a misunderstanding" means that neither of their characters have their ideals tested.

Dorothea's hatred of Ferdinand being positioned as solely because of this one incident as a child is just... a little silly. Even if she hadn't misunderstood - all of that venom because of something he did when he was like, 9? It's pretty immature. It's especially weird because she has plenty of valid reasons to be upset with nobility!

As for Ferdinand, him thinking a girl was so pretty that she had to be a mythical creature is pretty cute - but it removes a lot of the stakes. Ferdinand doesn't have to change as a person in order to earn Dorothea's trust, because it turns out he did nothing wrong. I think this is a shame, because the best part of their support to me is the B Support, where Ferdinand is trying so hard to look inward and change himself!

The Three Hopes version of their support chain does touch upon how silly it was that it was all a misunderstanding, and while I find that chain deeply adorable... I also think it fails to engage with the conflict of nobility.

If I was to rewrite the support chain, I'd make whatever gave Dorothea such a grudge be actually meaningful. Either a grudge against Ferdinand's father, or some legitimately rude thing that Ferdinand did to her in the past, would suffice for me.

But that's just my opinion! Again, I wrote this post out of love - I will always hold Ferdithea dear to my heart. That's why I hold the support to such a high standard.

[cosmicjoke]

Heya again! What do you think the relationship between Levi and Annie would be post-war, realistically. The popular narrative seems to be that Levi wouldn't forgive Annie, and I can kind of understand that sentiment (AKA, Levi glaring at her while the rest of the 104th wave goodbye before going to stop the rumbling asjkdfjksdjf).

The thing is Levi will kill if necessary, but he won't enjoy it. It's just the way things are in his line of work. Because Levi thinks that all life is precious and important, he will try to conserve the most lives possible, especially those of the innocent. Meanwhile, Annie, by her own admission, didn't care for anyone's life, her own included, particularly because of the way she was raised. She also says that if she would do it all over again, she would if it meant seeing her father again (which means that she does see that life is important, or at least she noticed it was after her father begged her to come home, which suddenly gave her something to fight for, rather than just doing whatever someone told her to do for the sake of it but that's another topic).

Thinking to their first meeting, after Annie had slammed, crushed and otherwise thrown around Levi's comrades like yoyo's, of how Levi was standing on Annie's head, asking her if she had 'enjoyed it' when she was rampaging through the Scouts. I might be completely misremembering what he said, but I think the gist of it was trying to see if she had enjoyed killing other people for the sake of killing them (again, YOYO) or if there was some shred of humanity existed somewhere. I remember you said a bit back that he was even trying to find the humanity in Zeke in season 4, so maybe he was doing the same here.

Rocky introduction aside, it does seem that Annie, unlike Zeke, does change. The Annie of season 1 was bored and at the very least acted like she didn't care about anyone. That might have been part of why she had been so violent with the scouts. She might have been trying to turn it into a game and dehumanize them so that she'd stop seeing them as allies. It was already hard enough for her to kill Armin, so hard that she ultimately didn't. In season 4 on the other hand, she just breaks down, exclaiming that she doesn't want to fight them anymore and that she's so tired of them killing each other.

Haha, this started out as a "would Levi and Annie be friends" and ended up being an Annie deep dive, whoops. Anyway, circling back to the original point; with this attitude change in mind, I don't think it would be impossible for Levi and Annie to at the very least be civil, not that Levi wouldn't be civil around his ahemfavorite brat's girlfriend skjdfksdjfk, but if Annie changed her mindset, I think it would be easier for him to forgive her.

Not to mention he would no doubt keep in mind that they were two soldiers from separate sides doing what they thought was right. ALso Annie was a literal brainwashed child soldier, so that might make him more understanding. Unlike Zeke, who although also has a tragic backstory, stubbornly did not change his mind or attitude about life and it's sanctity.

Come to think of it, it's very interesting that Annie and Zeke had very similar if not the same ideologies about life, but Annie's perspective changed while Zeke just stayed stuck in his cage of nihlisim.

This went a little bit all over the place, and I'm not even sure it makes sense, skjdfksdfk. But anyway, do you think that Annie and Levi would come to a middle ground? Like I don't think they would be close but would they at least be civil around each other?

Hope you are having a beautiful day and God bless!

The thing people don't understand about Levi is that he's not a vengeful person. He never takes any action in the name of revenge. People make this mistake with him because of the situation with Zeke, and thinking Levi wanted to kill Zeke to "avenge" his comrades or to "avenge" Erwin, but that's a complete misreading of the actual motive behind Levi's desire to kill Zeke. Levi wanted to kill Zeke because it was the only way he could give meaning to the deaths of every soldier that died that day in Shinganshina, because they literally gave their lives so that Levi could take Zeke's.

If people would just understand this simple, objective truth about Levi, they could then apply it to Levi's attitude toward Annie, and understand why Levi didn't seek to hurt or kill Annie, despite what she'd done to his squad and all the other Scouts that day.

The other thing people don't get about Levi's character is that he'll often engage in idle threats. He's constantly threatening to do things that he has no, real intention of following through on. When he threatens to break Erwin's legs, for example, or when he threatens Pastor Nick with a gun, or when he threatens to get Zeke's grandparents killed for Zeke's betrayal of Marley, or the implied threat against Gabi and Falco if Zeke doesn't cooperate. Levi doesn't mean any of it. He's not a sadistic or cruel person on any level. And so, with that understanding in mind, one also will understand that the threats he made against Annie during the Female Titan arc were idle threats. It wasn't even because he was angry at her that he was threatening those things (though of course I'm certain he WAS very pissed and beyond disgusted at her cruelty), but what Levi was trying to do was prevent more casualties. He wanted Annie to come out of her Titan and surrender so that no more lives would be put in danger. Again, this is something people have to understand about Levi and the way he operates. Everything he does, other than attempting to support and realize the goals of the Survey Corps, is done with the intent of saving and protecting lives. Levi's threats unfortunately had the opposite effect of what he intended, because he didn't realize Annie had the power to call pure Titans to her, so the whole thing backfired and she escaped.

Anyway, all this is to say that I highly doubt Levi will have held any, true hatred for Annie, despite everything. He would have understood why she did what she did. Remember, Levi also was the only one to see Annie shed tears while in her Titan form. So he knew from that that she wasn't some remorseless, sociopathic killer. The reason Levi hates Zeke so much is because Zeke really is remorseless, and even tries to frame his cruelty and murderous actions as a "mercy" he's enacting upon others. But Annie never spouted those kinds of delusions or excuses for her behavior. Levi keeps questioning Zeke because he wants to find out if he really took pleasure in and felt no guilt over the things he'd done, because then he would know at least that Zeke had some humanity in him. But Zeke just kept lying to him and refused to engage with Levi in any, meaningful way, which told Levi that Zeke really didn't give a shit about the people he'd hurt and killed. Annie, I think, always knew that what she was doing was wrong, and she felt intense guilt over it, despite claiming not to care. It's why, in the end, she's able to do the right thing and join the alliance in the final battle. She wanted to make amends. The same as Reiner.

So, basically, while I don't think Levi and Annie would likely ever be friends, just because they're very different, with Levi being such a selfless and kind person, and Annie definitely leaning toward a more selfish and detached personality, (than again, Levi has been friends with plenty of people who were very different from himself, so maybe he would) I don't think Levi holds any resentment or hatred toward her, either. I think he understands her and forgives her. And that's the other thing about Levi that people really don't seem to get, is that he's the least judgmental character in "AoT". He never tries to dictate to anyone, or tell them what's wrong or right. He lets them choose that for themselves, just like he lets people choose for themselves what course they'll take. Levi isn't interested in moralizing to others, or controlling them in any way. He isn't interested in making them feel bad or guilty about things, especially when they're things done for understandable, human reasons, like having an emotional attachment of some kind. So while he certainly wouldn't relate to Annie's willingness to do it all over again just to see her Dad, he would still understand it from a human perspective. That's what comes of being the most empathetic and really most emotionally intelligent character in the series, too. Levi will always understand you, as long as you're willing to be honest with him about it and as long as you don't demonstrate genuinely sadistic tendencies, i.e. taking actual pleasure in the suffering of others.

[orchideous-nox]

Talk more about Peter please!!!!

Okay I've let this sit here for a hot minute while I think.

I think Peter is not only underutilised by the fandom, but also a victim of his own future. So many headcanons about Peter come from what he does years down the lines as if his past is a consequence of his later betrayal. I hate this because it means he's never truly made his own character.

I'm going to try my best to yap about him in my own way and not just whatever I ingest from conversations with @futurequibblerjournalist about him.

Yes, Peter is fat. I don't want to talk about that though, but we're getting it out of the way because I won't stand for an Dane DeHaan fancasts when I feel like we're better than making fat characters skinny.

I love that idea that Peter and Marlene were friends before Hogwarts, his limited muggle knowledge comes from her family. They know each other through their parents and Marlene is just glad to have someone her age to play with and Peter is used to being around girls because of his older sisters.

When they got to Hogwarts and found other friends, they weren't necessarily as close anymore. Peter shared a dorm with the boys and they all became friends. With Sirius and James being so loud and energetic, Peter felt drawn to the quieter Remus and they became friends, and he ultimately was the reason Peter became part of the Marauders.

Peter is an observer, he notices so much because people either ignore him or don't think much of him. He sits in corners and listens and this is his contributing factor to the pranks. While they're planning them, he'll notice weak spots like "well this won't work because X said that they were going to the library at that time so won't be in the dorm". When they realise how good he is at spying for them, they start sending him off to scout information in the lead up to pranks.

I think there's so much emphasis on the other Marauders and music, but I like to think Pete was really into music too. He would have loved Madness, Ralph McTell and he gained a love of Fairport Convention from his dad who had discovered muggle music, they were hiting up Cropredy Festival every year. I think he would deny his love of folk music to his friends though, that was something he kept to himself.

Okay and now for the fun part that's been brewing for a little bit. Peter and Sybill were an unexpected couple, I think the Marauders noticed that he was sneaking off sometimes and would go missing in Hogsmeade and started placing bets on who it was but none of them had said Sybill Trelawney. They hadn't crossed paths very much, she's a Ravenclaw and he's a Gryffindor, but she'd noticed him in the library struggling to find a charms book. Sybill was known to have been able to produce a non-corporeal Patronus at some point so was gifted in charms and helped Peter to become more confident in his own capability.

I think there was a gentle quietness to their relationship, they weren't loud like Rosekiller or as affectionate as Wolfstar or as tragic as Jegulus. They would sit together at meals or in the library, they'd talk walks by the lake. Peter would love sitting with Sybill while she yaps enthusiastically about divination and prophecies because he loved seeing her light up. He shows a lot of interest when she talks about Cassandra Trelawney who she is proud to be a descended of, which is new for her.

We know that Sybill ends up (briefly) married to another man after Hogwarts but I don't see these two having a big eventful break up, they have different priorities for their futures and decide that after school ends they will go their seperate ways fairly amicably. I think Sybill doesn't particularly like the Marauders and thinks they make Peter reckless, and Peter doesn't like her cat (for obvious reasons) but she won't part with it. There's no drama, they still love each other but they don't want to sacrifice a part of themself for their relationship to work. We know Sybill ends up divorced in canon because she won't change her surname, she knows what she wants, she's stubborn and I love that for her.

After Hogwarts, Peter dates but never really settles down and does feel a bit of regret about Sybill, especially all those years later returning to the school and seeing her there.

[multi-fan-dom-madness]

Hello my wonderful friend! I’m here with a request if you’re feeling it!

“a kiss to convince the other to stay”

With Crosshair? 👉🏻👈🏻

hi friend!! <3 thank you for this request! I must admit that my brain automatically turned to angst for this one, so I am so very sorry for the pain this may or may not cause (hurt my own feelings writing it)

Please Stay with Me

Summary: You try to convince Crosshair to come back with you.

Warnings: gn!reader, ANGST GALORE, hurt no comfort, takes place at the very end of 01x16

Word Count: 696

Tears sting in your eyes though they refuse to fall. In the distance, Tipoca City—what’s left of it—burns, black smoke churning in the otherwise clear sky. Ironic, you think, how beautiful the weather has chosen to be on such a tragic day. Heart weighing heavy in your tight chest, you swallow down a sob. You’ve only visited Kamino a handful of times as the nat-born medic assigned to Clone Force 99, but you feel its loss keenly. 

You can only imagine what the six clones around you feel, watching the only home they’ve ever known smolder. 

“It’s...” Omega trails off, her voice cracking. “...all gone.” 

You lay a hand on her shoulder and squeeze gently, letting her know you’re here. She covers your hand with one of her small ones. 

“We should leave before the Empire’s scouts show up,” Tech says. 

“You coming with us?” Wrecker asks. 

Turning, you catch the way that Crosshair very obviously does not look in your direction where you stand with Omega. Bile rises in your throat, despite the aching squeeze in your chest. 

“None of this,” Crosshair says, “changes anything.” 

Hunter hesitates, glancing at you for a moment. Then he sighs. “You offered a chance, Crosshair. This is yours.” 

“I made my decision.” 

Except it wasn’t a choice! you want to scream. It was the chip! It was the Empire! This isn’t you! 

But the words stick in your throat like glue, clogging your windpipe until you feel lightheaded. Omega gives you a concerned look. 

Whatever Hunter has said, it doesn’t seem to have changed Crosshair’s mind. One by one, the squad turns away to head back to the Marauder. Omega slips away from your grasp to run after her brothers, before hesitating. You squint your eyes shut, tears finally spilling over onto your cheeks, as you do your best to tune out their private conversation. But Omega’s words reach you regardless. She has a way of getting to the heart of a matter with uncanny precision. Her statement cuts you deep. 

“You’re still their brother, Crosshair,” she says in a plaintive voice. “You’re my brother, too.” 

Her footsteps retreat. For a moment, you know it’s just you and Crosshair on the platform, the others on the ship already. He remains silent, and so do you. Everything you’ve wanted to say to him since the Empire came into power, everything you want to scream and rant and fall apart over dies on the tip of your tongue when you open your eyes and find him staring at you. 

“Cross—” Your voice breaks, thick with tears. “Please.” 

“Like I said, I made my decision.” He turns away. 

Body suddenly unlocked from where you’ve been frozen, you stride to him and grab his plastoid-covered arm to spin him back to face you. He lets himself be pulled, his sharp eyes finding yours. But instead of the warm amber you recall, his eyes are dull and flat. Your heart breaks a little bit more. 

“Please,” you whisper. 

He murmurs your name, a flicker of pain sparking in his eyes. “You know I can’t.” 

You shake your head. Shoving down the sob that threatens to tear you apart from the inside, you cup his face in your hands. His stubble has grown out, and his hair has refused to grow back since the Bracca incident, but his skin is just as warm and familiar as you remember. Leaning into him, you press a desperate kiss to his lips. Stay, you want to say. Stay with me.

He remains still, stiff and unmoving under your touch. When you pull back, his eyes are screwed shut. His breath fans over your face in a shuddering exhale. But, as those lifeless eyes open once more, he merely removes your hands from his face—gently, though you give no resistance—and steps out of your grasp. 

A warm arm tightens around your middle, your back pressed to cold plastoid. Hunter’s voice is low and apologetic when he speaks. “C’mon, doc. We need to get movin’.” 

You allow yourself to be led back to the ship, your blurry gaze never leaving Crosshair’s form, silhouetted against the smoking remains of his home.

Ragu: @dystopicjumpsuit @clonemedickix @freesia-writes @littlemissmanga @wolffegirlsunite @anxiouspineapple99 @wings-and-beskar @sinfulsalutations @523rdrebel @sunshinesdaydream @moonlightwarriorqueen @sev-on-kamino @starrylothcat @deejadabbles @starqueensthings @mandos-mind-trick @idontgetanysleep @eyeluvmusic21 @wizardofrozz @mythical-illustrator @sleepycreativewriter @bobaprint @thorsterstrudle @droids-you-are-looking-for @goblininawig @cw80831 @dreamie411 @jedi-hawkins @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @9902sgirl (if you'd. like to be added or removed, click here!)

[warsofasoiaf]

Hey SLAL, I was wondering what your thoughts were with the following take regarding conquering Dorne:

“The issue is this is a fantasy story so the dornish are able to do whatever Martin needs them to do

But by and large in the real world, if the iron throne takes the mountain castles of Skyreach, Yronwood, Starfall as well as sunspear the dornish threat is essentially moot

They won’t be able to launch any problematic attacks anymore and the free lords will eventually wither and collapse to economic starvation allowing easier conquest

The issue is that taking the entire country is too hard. However if they do it peacemeal it makes it much easier similar to how the Welsh were pacified.”

Yes and no.

The first part, that it's a fantasy story and that sometimes the welds are showing in the storytelling of GRRM welding point A to point B, is definitely true. Some elements of the story do seem like GRRM had a start point and an end point and needed to finagle the middle to get to the desired conclusion. Sometimes that works in furtherance of the story and heightens the tragedy (see just how much GRRM has to rig the game so Robb Stark dies tragically), sometimes it feels a bit ham-handed (Daenerys running into an abandoned town whose gardens are somehow still irrigated despite all that time with no maintenance). It's just something that is a natural consequence of all storywriting - sometimes the plot beats make a little less sense than other times.

It's also true that Dorne relies on its central infrastructure in a way that the Seven Kingdoms could take advantage of. The population would require water, and enough food would require centralized agriculture that couldn't exactly be *hidden* even with pre-modern scouting and reconnaissance. Dorne is not the Tuareg lands where such mythical desert resistance can successfully be waged due to a nomadic culture and incredibly de-centralized governance and structures. It's a feudal aristocracy that primarily relies on agricultural crops like the rest of Westeros. A piecemeal conquest that broke off elements of Dorne (and perhaps used Yronwood animosity against the Martells) would probably have had more success had it not been for the Dragon's Wroth.

I think the Dornish resilience is one part GRRM's "history of the world turned up to eleven" and one part service to the greater themes of the book. Aegon's ambition and brutality being crucial to the formation of a proto-Dornish nationalist movement that could sustain its people and undermine Aegon's goals are key elements of GRRM's stance on war. Longshanks's Conquest of Wales and the perennial Welsh Revolts did form a cornerstone of GRRM's worldbuilding, albeit the Welsh never assassinated a king at parlay (and there's no foreign powers meddling as the French did in the 14th and 15th century). Without those elements, GRRM plays up Dornish capability to perform these feats in order to underline the themes and highlight the importance of peace with Daeron's treaty.

In my opinion, the execution was botched (even more so in the earlier drafts where Daeron was literally stabbed with a sharpened white flag which is just cartoonish), but I can see what he was attempting to do.

Thanks for the question, Anon.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[1141520851813892291920]

🗝️ anon again. I figured out how to get what happened down, I think. It's taken a lot of trial and error, but if this sends through that means it worked, it also means I'm so, so sorry for making you read this trainwreck.

Modern hieroglyphics.

I'm a 🎭, usually pretty 👇 on the 📜 of talents people like to scout for. Doesn't really matter, I'm not in it for 💰 or anything, just for the fun of it. I ❤️ to think I'm pretty funny, anyways.

But I was scouted as the final act at The Sydney. I went, 👁️ all the other acts. I was getting a bit 😥 by the time it was my turn. Everyone else was so much better than me.

Still, I went up to the 🎤 and started telling my jokes. I didn't stutter, my delivery was ✅, but after every joke there was always a solid few ⏰ before anyone would 😂. Felt like pity, they weren't like that with anyone else. It 👂 forced. And then it 👂 wrong. Eventually when I looked into the audience some of the 🧍were gone, and in their seats were anywhere from 1️⃣-5️⃣ 🎭 masks, varying expressions.

The volume of the 😂 never changed. I remember that. Even as one, after the next, after the next.. They were all gone. All replaced by these masks. I couldn't stop 🗣️into the 🎤. Eventually I closed my 👁️👁️, and even still I kept going. I used material I hadn't in 🗓️🗓️🗓️+. I couldn't 🛑.

When I opened my 👁️👁️ again, everyone was there.

They all had a 🎭 mask on.

I never got 💰 for that gig. I didn't care. I had to 🏃. I was still telling jokes into the 🎤. I ended up taking it with me.

I don't know what would have happened if I stayed. I still have the 🎤. Sometimes I can't stop myself from telling another goddamn joke.

I'm never going in front of a crowd again.

My lord, what kind of clownscript cipher have you sent me? The longer I stare at this the worse my headache gets. [TRANSCRIPTION]

I'm a [performer/actor/dramatist?], usually pretty [point/down] on the [paper/scroll/list] of talents people like to scout for. Doesn't really matter, I'm not in it for [money] or anything, just for the fun of it. I [love] to think I'm pretty funny, anyways. But I was scouted as the final act at The Sydney [NOTE: Bar that often hosts variety acts located in Benson, NE USA]. I went, [watched/saw/observed/beheld] all the other acts. I was getting a bit [sad/nervous/uncomfortable] by the time it was my turn. Everyone else was so much better than me. Still, I went up to the [microphone] and started telling my jokes. I didn't stutter, my delivery was [positive/approved/received], but after every joke there was always a solid few [moments/seconds/minutes?] before anyone would [laugh/cry]. Felt like pity, they weren't like that with anyone else. It [sounded] forced. And then it [sounded] wrong. Eventually when I looked into the audience some of the [bodies/humans/people/audience] were gone, and in their seats were anywhere from [RANGE 1:5] [dramatist/tragic/comedic] masks, varying expressions. The volume of the [laughter/crying] never changed. I remember that. Even as one, after the next, after the next.. They were all gone. All replaced by these masks. I couldn't stop [speaking/yelling/projecting] into the [microphone]. Eventually I closed my [👁 EYES], and even still I kept going. I used material I hadn't in [months/years/ages]+. I couldn't [STOP]. When I opened my [👁 EYES] again, everyone was there. They all had a [dramatist/weeping/laughing] mask on. I never got [money/paid/rewarded] for that gig. I didn't care. I had to [RUN/FLEE/ESCAPE]. I was still telling jokes into the [microphone]. I ended up taking it with me. I don't know what would have happened if I stayed. I still have the [microphone]. Sometimes I can't stop myself from telling another goddamn joke. I'm never going in front of a crowd again.

[TRANSCRIPT ENDS.]

...A...troubling message to receive. Especially now. Isn't it...surely it's...early? Or have I called out for it, unknowingly, in my ongoing investigations. As I am Watching, I am Watched.

As it was, as it is, as it will Always Be. It feels...good, to be honest. Filling, like some deep hunger has been sated momentarily. Thank you, 🗝️, for sharing with me.

Your experience certainly seems harrowing. I am reminded of several statements I have read previously. The feeling of being alone on stage in front of a crowd of hollow masks, pursued by them long after you've left the stage. Yet, I suppose, it was not the audience that followed you, but the microphone. Is that the source of its power? Producing some sort compulsion to speak, to to share, to perform even at your own expense? You didn't feel as though you could stop, no matter how desperate you were to escape. Compulsion and performance would be...puppets, I think. A growing and crippling addiction to making your anguish into a piece of entertainment, the need to feed yourself to the hungry, empty audience.

Eventually, the need to perform will become unbearable, and you will raise that microphone to your mouth and the salt from your tears dry your mouth as you choke on the cruel punchline that is your life.

I would advise getting rid of that microphone, by whatever means necessary. It probably won't help you, but...well, there's always someone new backstage, eager to step up to the mic.

...

Eugh. I feel ill.

[blindmagdalena]

Hiiiiii! I have to start off with the fact that I love love love your fics and drabbles. I am truly obsessed. I’ve always been an x canon or x oc person, so that’s how I found you actually? Through eat your ego, honey. And I loved it sm I read your x reader fics/ficlets as well (I always pretend reader is an oc lmaoo) and I just needed to let you know how much I adore your work.

So much so that I’ve been hit by a plot bunny and I just had to share. In DC Injustice (spoilers ahead btw for anyone who was interested in looking into it) iirc smth that happens to make Superman go all homelander-ish, is that the joker uses krypton it’s I believe, to trick Superman into a hallucination where he thinks he’s taking a super dangerous criminal or smth? I forget what exactly? Out of earth’s atmosphere to save the planet. And instead, what he finds out when he is free of the kryptonite influence, is that he wasn’t taking and killing a threat out in space. He had actually taken his pregnant wife, and so he’d killed Lois and their unborn baby. It’s so tragic to think abt, and the start of a lot of more loss and anger and despair—turning Superman from the good Boy Scout image into a true threat, almost like homelander.

And I can’t help but envision a scenario where a supe with this mind altering ability? Sort of uses this on homelander and his pregnant partner. Except I’m a sucker for happy or happy-ish endings, so obvi I think homelander snaps out of it just in time. Maybe he flies his partner way way up and drops them? Only to snap out of it, as soon as he’s let go.

Sorry if that was a bit too dark btw! I just cannot stop envisioning it 😭

oh!! thank you so much! happy to have converted you 😂 i was similarly only into x canon/x oc, but something about Homelander converted me, too. i was so focused on him, and reader fics are a really easy way to put a character in Situations while having a lot more freedom with the love interest than canon/oc typically allows.

anyways! onto your scenario!! MY DUDE. that's fucked up 😭

i'm similarly a big baby and would only be able to read this if it ended happily haha but if it's plaguing your mind, it's a good indicator you should write it! the building horror of the ascension, the moment of realization!!!! the shock of seeing them plummeting to the ground! catching them! the aftermath! AAHHH!

this has so much potential, anon!!! 🖤

[rainestorm2556]

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted my writing which I promise I still do y’all so enjoy something I wrote in December when I was hyperfixating on AOT:

Levi sat. What more was there to do these days? He could sit. Or he could sit. Of course there was always the option to sit. Ot he could gasp sit! Needless to say the former scout was tired of sitting. He could stand and struggle to walk but with a toddler, two teens, and a wife who was with child that wouldn’t be the best idea. Falco and Gabi were excitable and got Heidi excited easily as well. He and Anselma agreed to take them in and they knew it meant changing the little life they’d grown accustomed to with just them and Heidi, but it was every bit worth it. She loved being a mother and he loved being a father. Their children were a handful and would continue to be a handful but it would be worth it. They knew what they were getting into when they opted to take Gabi and Falco in. That didn’t matter though; neither did the fact that he’d refused to give her a label for so long. Their story had been a tragic one with a happy ending.

They’d met because of Levi’s late friend who was something of a surrogate younger sister to him. Isabel Magnolia. She and Anselma were both bright and bubbly and they shared being skilled in omni directional mobility gear. They could not have grown up more differently. Isabel was abandoned in a dumpster in the Underground and she was left to fend for herself. She would beg, steal, borrow and barter. Anything it took to stay alive. Her only focus was living to see the next day. She had no family; only Levi and Furlan. She was rambunctious and stubborn to a fault. She never doubted herself and always remained self-assured.

Anselma on the other hand? She was born to the immensely wealthy Hart family in the safety of Wall Sina. She never wanted for anything. She had riches galore promised to her from birth and was expected to marry a rich suitor. Her parents were overly attentive and always showing her off to their slimy friends. The men were all a bunch of snobby pigs and the women criticized her every trait to no end. While her parents were attentive it was not because they cared. They just needed to make themselves look good. When she was 21 everything changed.

Enter: Oliver Klaus Hart.

Also known as her little brother. She’d been a scout for seven years at that point. She was already a member of the Special Operations Squad. Around that time Levi came into her life with Isabel and Furlan. They joined the scouts and after getting to know Anselma personally Levi decided to pursue a relationship with her. Isabel was even throwing them a small wedding and it nearly happened.

Then on an expedition Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church were lost at the hands of the titans. Anselma and Isabel had been best friends so naturally the latter’s death was distressing for the former. She and Levi were both so grief stricken that they decided it would be best for them if instead of proceeding with the wedding as Isabel planned; they called it off and put their plans of marriage on hold for a while. At least until the deaths weren’t so fresh and didn’t hurt as much as they currently did.

Arguments soon arose between the couple due to Levi becoming more closed off than ever before and Anselma not knowing how to handle and interact with this ‘new’ Levi.

The engagement was broken off. They still slept together, went on very occasional dates, and did other couple-y stuff together but they had no label and most certainly did not live together. Anselma was accustomed to people picking up after her and therefore was not very good at cleaning and such whereas Levi was an absolute clean freak and germaphobe. Naturally this would only cause an even bigger rift in whatever it was that defined the sort of relationship the two scouts had.

Then came Eren. With him came lots of loss and hate to admit as hey may, Levi began to fear losing Anselma. She had been in his life for so long after all. The only remaining living person who had been in his life was Erwin. Erwin Smith. Commander of the Scout Regiment after the resignation of Keith Sadies.

There was also the death of Kenny who would turn out to be Levi’s uncle. Needless to say, finding out he was an Ackerman was a surprise. This made him and Mikasa cousins. Blood relatives. It was a weird but not unwelcome change.

After Eren would come his friends and comrades. They all made Levi Squad and he was beginning to grow fond of the little brats. War would follow and though it wouldn’t be easy everything would work out in the end. Levi became half blind and lost some fingers, Hange lost an eye, Erwin lost an arm, Sasha nearly lost her life, Ymir tried letting herself be eaten by Porco, and Levi injured his legs. That didn’t mean that it wasn’t worth it though. Marley, Eldia, and Paradis were all peaceful. The same went for other nations.

During the war came Heidi. A beacon of hope and light during one of the darkest times in Levi’s life. Sure she was a surprise but when Levi found out Anselma was carrying his child he knew he wanted to do right by her.

And so the two were married and shortly after welcomed their daughter: Heidi Kuchel Zoe Ackerman. Kuchel for Levi’s mother, Zoe for Hange who had helped Anselma fill Isabel’s void. He was now a husband and a father. He had a wife. It was strange to think about.

When Heidi was a year old Oliver, who had long since been nicknamed ‘Ollie’ by Anselma, joined the scouts and so he was put on Levi Squad at the request of the titular leader’s wife.

When she was two she traveled with them to Marley and would meet Eren. He grew to like the little girl. Heidi reminded him of an owl and henceforth she was nicknamed by even Levi ‘owlet’.

The war ended with no casualties on the side of those Levi cared about. He and his wife took in two orphaned kids: Falco Grice and Gabi Braun.

Now here they were. Sitting. Handing out candy to children. Anselma’s stomach swelling with an impending life. A son this time. Their second biological child together but fourth overall. Heidi got along well with her new brother and sister and the family of five was excited to soon be six. It would even everything out and after that their little family would be complete. Heidi would soon turn six and start proper schooling while Levi and Anselma ran their tea shop.

They had retired from the scouts just after the war. Luckily though, the regiment no longer had to rely on hefty donations from Anselma’s estranged father because Historia had given them more funding. Much more funding. Levi reached for his cane.

“Papa!” The raven-haired owlet cried out. Levi smiled and gently scooped up Heidi. Perhaps this was where he was always meant to be. He was at home and at peace with his wife and three, almost four, children. In the end everything had worked out.

“We haven’t picked out a name yet, y’know.” His wife smiled as she looked at her ever-swelling stomach.

“Well then let's get to work on naming him!” Gabi piped up.

“Yeah, I’m sure we could find something if we all put our heads together.” Falco added.

“Name!” Heidi cheered.

Levi was happy. He was at peace and content. He had a wife and children. That was something he would have called you crazy for saying he’d have just ten years ago. Now here he was. Everything finally made sense. This was where he was always meant to be. No one knew what would face the Ackerman-Hart-Grice-Baun family next but whatever happened they’d face it together. As a family. Levi was a husband and father and he was okay with that. It made him happy.

[tf2-oneshots]

Dad spy trying to explain to scout that he is in fact his dad and not tom jones. Tomfoolery ensues. This is up to interpretation make of this ask what you will. Thank you, xoxo.

Using this as my first angst prompt sorry in advance!

Warnings: angst, abandonment, past bullying

Rating: Teen and up

Two dainty knocks land on Scout’s door. Must be Spy. When you work with the same eight guys for six years, you memorize how each one of them knocks on your door. Scout sets his comic book aside and sits upright on his bed. So much for a lazy Sunday.

“Come in.” He calls out. Spy opens the door, taking only a couple steps into the room. He peers around as if to ensure that no one else was present. She really wishes someone was here to avoid this.

“Scout, I would like to talk to you about something.” The door shuts behind Spy, but he doesn’t move. Like he’s frozen where he stands. God, how did her plan go? He thought of the millions of ways this could end, and only one was a good ending.

“Uh, okay? What is it?” Scout raises a brow. Usually, people only talk to him when he has a contract or did something wrong. On the rare occasion, its to move his motorcycle to another parking spot. Why does she look so emotionless?

Spy takes a seat on the edge of Scout’s bed. The man pulls his legs against his chest, giving her a bit of room. Everything feels so surreal. Maybe this is just a dream, and Spy will gasp awake in his bed when Scout throttles him. She really hopes it’s all just a dream.

“Tom Jones died in his 20s, Scout. You are aware of this, yes?” Off to a weird start. Scout prides himself in being the president of the Tom Jones fan club. He knows every single fact about the man down to the exact instruments he uses in every song. To not know how old his idol was when Merasmus broke his neck, according to the newspapers at least, would be unheard of.

“Uh, yeah. Too young to go if, uh, you ask me.” Spy nods. They can agree on that. Dying before 30 is tragically young for anyone, famous or not. She looks over to the younger man whose gaze is focused on a Tom Jones poster.

“Much too young. Too young to be your father as well.” He braces for a slap, but nothing happens. Scout stays silent. Maybe he didn’t hear her. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear. Spy takes a slow breath, back to staring at the wall.

“Scout, I…” It’s right there. Right fucking there on her tongue. He can taste the words begging to slip from his lips. Spy hates what a coward he is. She spent 24 years on the run, but the past caught up to bite her in the ass. Damn, does he wish he had a cigarette.

“I…met a woman in my youth. She had seven children, and I adored them. So much so that…we made an eighth. His name was Jeremy.” Damnit, damnit, damnit all! She always dances around with hidden meanings and half assed phrases. It seems that Spy’s own heart wears a mask.

“You…were that boy. Scout, I—“ As he turns to Scout, she sees the disgust on his face. His button nose scrunched tightly with eyes narrowed. Scout gets off of his bed, staring down at Spy.

“Don’t fucking joke about that.” His legs are shaking. Scout tries to breathe, but it’s short and trembling. How could Spy be so cruel to say that? Scout remembers how miserable being fatherless was as a child. He watched so many dads carry their sons into ice cream shops. He saw them in the stands wearing messy ties made in Home EC during sewing lessons.

It wasn’t just jealousy he suffered from. When word got out about Scout not having a dad, he was tormented relentlessly. He spent one Father’s Day getting shoved in a locker. That’s when he dislocated his shoulder and had to fend off an eighth grader with one hand. He really wishes his last oldest brother didn’t move on to high school that year.

“Scout, I have nothing to gain from a joke. You’re my son, and I’m so sorry for leaving.” Spy sighs, fighting the lump in her throat. She remembers the swarm of little boys around his legs, eager to meet their new baby brother. He still recalls sitting on the floor, chuckling as they surrounded him, leaning in to finally meet Jeremy.

“My dad’s dead.” That’s what Ma told him on his seventh birthday. Scout had grown curious as to why all of his friends had dads but not him. Not any of his brothers actually unless the handful of birthday cards in the mail counts. A couple with money and others empty without even a drop of ink written on them.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, so I told your mother to say that.” It was heartbreaking how unfazed Caroline was when Spy told her. She had endured it seven times before, so how painful could an eighth be? The only part that stung, she admitted, was that Spy bothered to stay. Even if only long enough to witness Scout’s first steps, he gave Caroline hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, someone else could commit to the parent role.

Scout turns away, fists clenched before he grips his hair. Ma would never lie to him. She’s a good mother, and she loves Scout more than anything. She’d be honest if his dad was a deadbeat who was in over his head. All of his older brothers know what happened to their dads. Dead, arrested, second family, ran off, and so forth.

“Scout, please, I—“ Spy stands, placing a hand on his shoulder only for it to be shrugged off. Scout keeps his head down to stare at his feet. He gulps, eyes shut to fight back tears.

“My dad is dead.” That’s the truth. That’s the only truth. Scout won’t listen to anything else. His dad died when he was a baby. There’s a headstone somewhere in America with his name etched onto it. Scout will never meet him no matter what.

“…Okay.” Spy purses her lips. He nods, trying to understand how Scout feels. Maybe one day he’ll come around. Maybe he’ll stab her in her sleep. He wipes away tears and takes a breath before leaving the younger’s room. Some things are better left the way they are.

Poor Spy can we get an F in the chat -H

[lampmanliveblogs]

Gus is trying to figure out what exactly is going on with Hunter. Hunter, in turn, is reluctant to tell  Gus he got, ah… relived of duty as the Golden Guard. It looks like he’’s about to open up, when two scouts appear suddenly! Hunter tries to fight them off, but they overwhelm him and Gus is tied up.

The scouts actually recognize him as the Golden Guard and tells him that the Emperor sent out a search party and that he’s been worried. I figured Belos would send scouts out to search for Hunter. I don’t think his pride would let him allow one rogue grimwalker to get away.

Gus saw the abomination goop on the floor and looked like he had an idea. What are you planning with that gloop, Augustus?

Oh, now that is clever! Taking a page out of Luz’ book and drawing a glyph with your foot.

Hunter, understandably, panics when he finds out that the genocidal maniac who has tried to kill him before is now sending his army out to find him and bring him in. Once again calling back to the opening flashback, Gus teaches him the breathing technique to try and help him calm down.

Hunter is still reluctant to tell Gus what exactly happened. But he did at least admit that he ran away from the Emperor’s Coven, so we’re making progress. Baby steps.

I can understand that Hunter doesn’t want to tell Gus exactly what happened, how would he even go about that? ”Oh, you know. I found out that my uncle, the Emperor, is actually super evil and wants to kill everyone and everything and also that I’m some kind of magical construct made from wood and rocks and that he’s made multiple mes over the year and killed them all. And then he tried to kill me. So yeah, had a bit of a rough weekend. How about you?”

We cut to Willow and Amity, fighting some scouts. Amity once again underestimates Willow’s power and it ends with them ruining each others’ attacks. This results in Willow nearly getting crushed under a large bookshelf. She throws it aside and proclaims that she doesn’t want Amity’s protection, she wants her know her for who she is. Ed, Em, the Illusion teacher and Principal Bump appear, briefly overpowering the Gus’ illusion. It looks like Willow hurt or strained her arm.

I think Amity is trying to do the right thing, she has good intentions. She’s just tragically unaware of just how much Willow has changed. Which makes sense, she was not there while Willow went through all that character development and growth where she realized her true magical potential. I think there’s probably some guilt sprinkled in there as well. Amity was the one who broke off with Willow, and in the following years, bullied her, alongside others like Boscha. Amity may feel like she needs to make up for that by being there for Willow, by protecting her.

[chocopinda]

Tagged by beloved @michaelmandog

1. Are you named after anyone ?

I'm named after a book as far as I'm aware. My second name is very masculine which I greatly enjoy, it references a family member.

2. When was the last time you cried ?

Yesterday.

3. Do you have kids ?

Nope and thank god.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot ?

I honestly don't really know, I know some of my friends use it a lot and sometimes it flies over my head which they find very entertaining.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people ?

It feels a little shallow to say but I probably notice clothes first. It's just something that interests me. Probably has something to do with me being bad with eye contact as well ;').

6. What’s your eye color ?

Light brown/hazel I think.

7. Scary movies or happy endings ?

Oohh this is a hard one. I love fun comedies just as much as anything scary or tragic I think. Yeah sorry, I won't be able to pick just one.

8. Any special talents ?

I've had multiple people say that they find my presence comforting, I'm honestly not sure why and in hindsight I wish I'd have asked why. I can put Ikea furniture together on my own that'd require two people according to the manual. I genuinely don't know any talents I might have.

9. Where were you born ?

A little town in the South of the Netherlands, with how small the country is I won't be getting anymore specific since that'd be pretty much akin to giving my address.

10. What are your hobbies ?

So many. Drawing being my big passion. I also like to tinker with my desktop, play Magic the Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons. I like reading too but I've not done much of that lately, I like horror/thriller the most but I've read lot of fantasy as well. I enjoy a little bit of writing every now and then and last year I started picking up electric guitar but I'm still terrible, it's okay though because it's still fun. Lastly, I am a leader/supervisor of the Explorers (age 15-18) every week at one of our local scouting groups. I genuinely don't know English scouting terminology so I can't put it in a better way than that :').

11. Do you have any pets ?

Two precious little bunnies, Ciri (will take a bite out of your ankles if you're in the way but is also a real sweet girl) and Pablo (absolute coward, look at that little man. Down for some cuddles if you bring snacks though).

12. What sports do you play/have you played ?

I've played badminton for a little bit in the past, but I never really got back into it. I am still a part of scouting.

13. How tall are you ?

169 cm/5'7 ft (I think?).

14. Favorite subject in school ?

I enjoyed the languages and art. In hindsight I think I would've loved math and/or chemistry/physics if I wasn't such a miserable thing during high school, I just didn't want to put in the effort for those types of subjects since they were difficult for me.

15. Dream job ?

It used to be tattoo artist until recently because I've been growing an interest in costume design, and there do happen to be studies for that in the Netherlands so who knows, I've definitely been orientating myself a little. Changing my goal would be just as terrifying as it is potentially exciting, so for now I'm just thinking of what I want to do with my life. I want to draw at least, and work with my hands. Tagging @insanityofvaas , @jasonsnowwhitebrody , @kettleghost , @el-michoacano , @bluewaterlily, @seraphtrevs and @watasemasaru No pressure at all! This one gets pretty personal :'). And as usual I have no idea who already got tagged so sorry! D:

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Rescuing you [E. M]

Vamp!Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Word count: 9.6k

Summary: Eddie came back to you, but not in the way you expected. Now it will be necessary to help him come back as your real boy

Warnings: angst most of the fic, tragic past of the main character, a bit of a villain!Eddie if you squint but I think a happy ending.

A/N: The Vecna attacking thing happens a bit later and I took the liberty of modifying Eleven's powers for plot convenience. Also this definitely won't get a part 2 but I'll probably write more of vamp!Eddie (with less angst of course so if you have any ideas drop them in my inbox)

I always check this three times (once for pronouns, once for grammar, and once for translator errors) but I'm so fucking tired and this is so long so sorry for any mistakes

Things had happened so fast and everything was so difficult. Hawkins had become almost a ghost town and the only people left out there took refuge in the school, which now fulfilled the function of a kind of shelter for the neediest.

After the portals had completely fragmented the town, most of the people had taken their cars, had put the most important belongings in them, and then fled from there in a hurry. Only people who had nowhere else to go and no money to do so had remained; Wayne Munson was one of them. You were another one of them.

Joyce Byers had offered you shelter in her home more than once, but you didn't feel comfortable even with the idea of ​​being near them. You didn't wish them ill, of course, but after leaving the Upside Down everyone had acted like nothing had happened and it was making you sick. There were family gatherings, hugs, kisses, tears of joy, and all while you drowned in the pain of loss.

You had lost Eddie.

Only Dustin had been there and only he could understand part of the feeling, but only a tiny part of everything that was going through your mind and your heart. Eddie had been your boyfriend since middle school when you still didn't even understand what love was and it was just child's play. You had grown up with him, matured with him, and had all kinds of experiences, and now there would be no more of that. Never.

And honestly, his death had been so stupid. He had been such an idiot to go back to the demobats to face them and buy some time. A part of you was selfish enough to wish he'd run out the portal with you and let those monsters get back on their way. It would have been someone else's problem; he would still be alive if he hadn't decided to play the hero as Steve had warned you before this all started.

You remember crying yourself out of tears the first night and the next night it was only worse. You didn't sleep at all and ate barely enough to keep you going. You were heartbroken, you didn't even have a body to cry to and you didn't even have something to remember it by. Except for the jewel on your ring finger, which he had bought for you on one of your anniversaries, with the promise that a few years later he would give you a nicer one. And there would be nothing later, the only thing you could do was keep that promise broken by a situation of which he wasn’t even guilty.

So you decided it would be best to stay with Wayne Munson and at least help him get through things, or have him help you, or maybe a bit of both.

That was until a week after you thought hell was over you saw that it was actually just the beginning. Vecna ​​was there, back and stronger than ever. The meadows had dried up, the air was filled with those strange particles, and the blue sky had been replaced by red clouds with lightning bolts between them. That had brought you to where you were, sitting in a circle with all the other people who could still defend this town and hopefully save the world.

"We don't know how powerful Vecna ​​is now, so we have to be careful," Hopper instructed, all of you. You had decided to team up again so you could scout the grounds and see how close you were to getting close to Victor Creel's house, where you thought Vecna ​​might be physically. There was only one route and almost the entire line was full of monsters, so someone would have to clear a path for the others to enter.

You would go with Nancy, Robin, Steve, Jonathan, and Hopper so you could test the waters and could think something out as soon as possible. You were acting rather impulsively, but Vecna's return hadn't given you time to think more clearly. The last time you had faced the monsters it was just you and… well, the point is that there were very few personnel. Now with all of them there, you would have a better chance.

"You guys stay behind me, do you understand me right?" Steve muttered, as protective as ever, though you knew he too had gotten the same words from Hopper. You had returned to military clothing and now that there was hardly anyone on the streets it was easier to walk around with weapons.

All this was crazy, it was stressful and you wanted to cry for fear of seeing someone else in the group die at the hands of those things that would haunt your dreams forever. The plan was reckless and stupid, but it was all there was.

"If anything goes wrong, we'll all get out of here as we agreed," Hopper warned, now holding his shotgun firmly. He had changed a lot since the last time you saw him, but you didn't say anything and you just nodded, ready to help in any way you could, until a sound made you stop in your tracks.

It was a guitar, from somewhere in the street, and you knew exactly what song it was: “Shot in the dark” by Ozzy Osbourne. The notes were lazy, but you could still recognize him from all the times you'd heard the guy play it in his trailer.

"What the hell is that?"

"Eddie…" you whispered, feeling the sob catch in your throat. Hawkins seemed to always be at night thanks to the clouds that covered the place, so it was hard to see beyond the bushes you guys were hiding in, but when you finally did you felt your heart was going to jump out of your chest. There was a figure in the distance, in the midst of all the flying monsters, and from the shock of curly, unruly hair you knew it was him. It couldn't be anyone else, or maybe you were just hallucinating.

"Who is that?" Hopper asked, rather cautiously. So you weren't crazy, these people were also seeing what you were seeing. And so that meant it was real.

"Eddie" you exclaimed again, emerging from your hiding place to start walking in the boy's direction. They all tried to stop you, but their hands slipped out of your arms just quickly. Nothing mattered to you, you just wanted to know if he was real or if it was just Vecna ​​playing with your mind "Eddie!" you yelled as you quickened your pace towards him. This scream was the one that caught his attention and you saw him turn a little to look at himself. Even from a distance you could see that he was smiling broadly, which made your eyes start to glaze over. You didn't last more than another couple of seconds running before you lunged at him. You were holding him, it was real… Eddie was alive “Eddie” you sobbed again. Your mind couldn't form a coherent sentence because of how happy you were to feel him in your arms again. You didn't understand how it was possible and you didn't care either.

"Hello, beautiful" you heard. His voice was deep and raspy and the way he had said 'beautiful' made you shiver. Your glance went sideways to your arm and you noticed that the hand that held you was extremely pale, cold, and with sharp black nails that dangerously pressed your skin. You took your head off your chest and looked up, only to meet a totally different man than the one you remembered. Totally black hair, black circles around his eyes that were now a reddish hue, and a smile that showed a pair of long fangs inside his red-stained lips; with blood “Did you miss me?” he said mockingly. The way he told you that made you realize that he really wasn't your Eddie. It was something else, horrible and evil.

You screamed and backed away, but all you got was a few scratches where your fingernails had been before. From a couple of steps back you could see it more clearly and panicked at the sight in front of you. Even in the heat of the moment and with adrenaline coursing through your body you understood what kind of thing he was: a vampire.

Eddie didn't give much time for small talk, or to greet you, or even to give any sign that he was going to help you. On the contrary, he hardly realized that he had lost you he pounced on you. His hands had grabbed both of your biceps roughly and he was ready to attack right at your neck, while you screamed at the top of your lungs in panic. You didn't know how to react because he had caught you off guard, taking advantage of the fact that you had been too happy to see him.

The speed and certainty with which he had acted chilled your blood and now to feel him so cold and dangerous were twice as terrifying. You heard a shot in the distance, when he had just broken your skin with his fangs, which forced the boy to look up. It was Nancy, who had been the first to attack.

If you got out of this alive, you would become that girl's greatest devotee.

"Move on!" Steve yelled at you as he began to attack with his old nail-studded bat. Eddie seemed to lose interest in you when he saw that you were accompanied and released you almost annoyed, letting you fall to the ground.

From the floor you saw the boy plant himself firmly a couple of steps from you while he let out a macabre laugh and raised one of his hands towards the sky. The demobats began to circle him like a tornado, and your brain wandered back to the memory of you guys in the Upside down when Eddie decided to fight those animals himself. Except now he was the one commanding them to attack. And to be honest he seemed quite pleased to be turned into the evil vampire general that he was now.

You wanted to throw up because of what was happening. It was too much to process and too little time to do it, but if there was one thing you were sure of, it was that you had to do something. And you had to do it now.

"Eddie!" Steve insisted as he tried to take down a couple of demobats. Robin and Jonathan were the clumsiest with weapons, but they were still putting up a good fight, plus they had Steve and Nancy to help them respectively. Hopper was the only one who was rampaging through those things like he was an expert.

Still sore in the chest (from seeing Eddie like that, rather than from the blow) you got up and drew your spear, running in Hopper's direction to help him and also gain some confidence.

You fought for a while until your hands got tired of hitting the air so many times, because the way all the demobats were surrounding you it was also impossible to execute the emergency plan and run away, until suddenly all those things stopped attacking. When you looked at Eddie you realized that he had raised his hand again to order them to stop.

“What is it that you have come for if not to die?” he asked, from a distance. It sounded like those times when he pretended to be some D&D character during campaigns or when he fooled around with you at your house. He had always been a wonderful actor, but unfortunately this wasn't about acting. “This plan of yours sucks. You know you can't beat him, right?"

Without worrying too much about him, you ran to where your friends were and thus formed a larger group. Most were injured, but nothing seriously, thanks to God.

“Munson, how the hell are you…?”

"Alive?" he asked, with that usual boyish glee "I'm not Harrington, that's the best part" he smiled, giving way for everyone to see the shiny fangs protruding from his lower lip "Vecna ​​needed a right hand and decided I it was perfect. This fit me, don't they?”

Again you felt your stomach churning at the sight and hearing of it. That bastard had brainwashed him or maybe he was just using him to scare you. But having a collective nightmare wasn’t that common and the blood falling from your arms was proof that you were in the real world. Well, in Hawkins being sucked into that bloody evil, but the real world at the end of the day.

"Eddie!" you sobbed again. It was the only thing you had said since you arrived and you forced yourself to say something else “It's Vecna! He’s controlling you!”

“I thought that was clear enough,” he laughed, cynicism painting his voice. One thing you'd always loved about Eddie was his sassy side, normally reserved for dealing with jocks and jerks, but now used to make fun of you.

"Have you forgotten Chrissy?" you insisted, hoping that you could snap him out of the trance he seemed to be in. It wasn't like he was actually speaking, it was like Vecna ​​was speaking through him. His voice sounded strange, he was like a simple… puppet "Have you already forgotten what he did to Max?"

"Small sacrifices for a greater good" he exclaimed with all the naturalness in the world. You were so terrified to see him that you subconsciously became attached to Steve's body, that he was the closest to you “All is not lost, you know? You can still join us. Voluntarily"

Us… it sounded so sick.

"So what if I don't?" you shouted, armed with courage and making your voice not tremble a bit.

“You will join us by force. There really aren't many results, I'm just giving you the flexibility to choose how you're going to do it. In the end we will all be part of him” he smiled.

“We have to get out of here right now,” Nancy said, determined. Eddie looked so out of it and you weren't the only one who had noticed, so the best option was to walk away now that he had allowed it. It was almost as if he was making fun of you.

"If you're thinking of running away" he spoke, as if he had read your thoughts or heard your friend's whisper "I suggest you do it now, because it will be your only chance"

"Let's go this fucking time," ordered Hopper, who hadn't taken his eyes off your dead boyfriend since the first moment he'd appeared. The car was across the street and if you ran fast enough you'd get to it, but as utterly horrified as you were you didn't want to leave. You weren't going to leave if Eddie didn't come with you, the real Eddie. “Y/N, now,” he hissed, grabbing your arm and squeezing just enough to draw some more blood. You let him drag you away without taking your eyes off the boy above you, who seemed very pleased with your escape. He had that look he got when he managed to set you up during campaigns, only again you weren't in a damn campaign but in a town completely corrupted by evil.

They almost dragged you to the car and once there, you burst into tears as you had never done before in your life.

The next stage after arriving at the shelter and crying uncontrollably on Dustin's shoulder was the overwhelming desire to go back there to try to save Eddie. You were in complete denial, no matter how much everyone tried to convince you it was stupid.

"That's not Eddie anymore, do you understand?" Steve had said, seeing you so upset and thirsty for revenge, while he took you by the shoulders.

"We can't know that if we don't try to help him"

“He's going to kill us! Didn't you see that he has that whole horde of monsters under his orders? He controls them, and Vecna ​​controls him”

"If it was Robin, would you leave her there?" you asked suddenly. Everyone was looking at you now, children and adults alike “Or Nancy? What if he was Dustin? Would you leave them there just because of the thought that 'they are no longer themselves'?" you muttered, completely furious.

You had a long conversation (it was more of an argument than a conversation) in which the elders held their ground only until they could think of a good enough plan to defeat Vecna ​​and save Eddie at the same time.

So night fell and with the passing of the hours you decided that no one was willing to do something, you would do it by yourself. Fuck everyone, you were going to save him.

You stuffed a revolver, water, a flashlight, and a walkie-talkie into your backpack, in the totally stupid hope that that would be enough for the suicide mission you wanted to execute. It wasn't until you crept out the door that you found you weren't alone. Dustin was there.

"Waiting for someone?" you asked vaguely, wishing you had followed your first impulse to climb out the window.

"You're insane if you think you're going to go get him"

“Luckily for me, Henderson, you guys don't boss me around”

"You can't go there alone, it's too dangerous"

“Well, I didn't see anyone willing to accompany me and I'm not going to sit idly by either. So step aside and please pretend you didn't see me leave."

"I want to save him too," he insisted. Apparently he and you were the only ones who had really been worried about Eddie's state. "But if you don't have a plan, you'll only have been in vain and get him to kill you," he murmured, making you see reason. As much as it hurt to accept it, you weren't the most objective when it came to love. You were just acting without thinking “We have to think of a way to help him get back. You know, like being himself."

“And do you think there is a way?” you asked. The question had been going around in your head since you had arrived, afraid that indeed he was simply lost.

"Well…"

“Me," said a small voice in the dark that made you jump.

"Eleven?" you asked frowning. Dustin also seemed surprised by your friend's willingness to help. "What are you doing here?"

"I can help" she repeated, shyly "With your friend"

“No, no, no way. Hopper and Mike and everyone will kill us if we put you in danger."

“There is no danger” she continued “Not for me”

You looked at Dustin, confused, and then you looked at the girl again.

“What do you mean, El?”

“His mind” murmured the girl, moving closer to you to speak more softly “I've been thinking and I think I can help you get into it. Maybe then we can rescue him” Eleven wasn’t a girl of many words, but what she had told you was enough to understand what she meant.

Eleven had powers, she really could do something.

"I’ll do it. Whatever you think is going to work, I'll do it” you answered with total certainty.

If there was a hope to save your boyfriend you were going to take it. And you were going to cling to it with all your might.

After almost two hours you had finally cemented a plan. It wasn't a complete plan, but it would go a long way. It was amazing what a miniature genie, a depressed girlfriend, and a girl with powers could do together.

"And how am I supposed to do this?" you asked nervously, getting into the pool full of salt water that Dustin had taken care of preparing.

The idea was this: with the help of Eleven's powers you would enter Eddie's mind to free him from within Vecna's control. It sounded totally absurd and even at this point you thought it was impossible, because it wasn't like the girl could do some kind of power transfer or anything like that. But she assured you it would work and Dustin seemed pleased with the plan too, which made you trust a little more.

You didn't care about the risk at all, you just didn't want to end up doing more damage than what was already on Eddie's mind.

“Sometimes it's like being in a place when people remember. Other times people may be stuck somewhere or… well, they may not be around and you will have to look for them”

"What if Vecna ​​is there?"

"Then tell me and I'll bring you," she informed, trying to reassure you. Another reason you had to do it (besides clearly that it was too risky for Eleven to be seen by Vecna) was because you knew Eddie and maybe being on his mind would make it easier for you to find the right spot or react in the right way.

"This is going to work out, Y/N," Dustin said to you, holding your hand lovingly "Just relax”

Still shivering a little from the temperature of the water you lay down. You were wearing only pajama shorts and a tank top, the girl had said it was easier with light clothing, and then they handed you a neatly folded handkerchief so you could cover your eyes.

You floated for a few seconds until you got used to the water. Being deprived of sight and partially hearing you were hypersensitive to touch, so you jumped a bit as soon as Eleven wrapped her fingers around your wrist.

You didn't know how long you were there, but little by little you felt as if you were falling peacefully asleep. You were at peace and literally floating until suddenly it was as if something sucked you in and then you fell into the void. You screamed in terror as you were enveloped by so much darkness, but a few seconds later you hit a hard surface with your body. You groaned at the sensation, noticing that your eyes were no longer covered and that the place where you had fallen was the floor of a house.

“Y/N?” you heard they called you. You woke up scared, but when they repeated your name, you realized that it was just Dustin "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine" you exclaimed, hoping he could hear you. The communication worked similarly to the Upside down, right?

"Where are you?"

"In a house"

"Victor Creel's?"

"No," you replied absently. It was a simple house but it was still pretty and it had a shelf full of photos, most of them of a small child. You frowned at this and moved closer to look at them more closely, trying to figure out who it was.

“Mom!” you heard someone scream. You turned around startled only to find a short, smiling figure: it was a boy with dark brown hair wearing an oversized rock band shirt.

“I'm here, Eddie,” a woman said, from the kitchen. She was blonde and beautiful but she looked extremely tired.

"What time is daddy coming?" he asked curiously, letting himself fall against the couch and moving his legs from side to side. He was a very hyperactive little boy, you could tell that.

"Later, do you want cookies for snack?" she asked, notably avoiding her son's question. You didn't know what you were doing here or why Eddie's mind seemed to be on that memory, but then you remembered that he had never told you about his parents. You only knew that he lived with his uncle, but pressuring him to tell you about a part of his life felt wrong, so you stuck with that poor piece of information for all these years.

"With chocolate!" he said cheerfully. It was clear that he couldn't see you, but you stood in front of him to be able to see him more carefully, noticing that he was a most tender child.

You saw him run to his mom to hug her and receive said cookies with joy. Without meaning to, a smile escaped you, just imagining that your boyfriend had had such a beautiful relationship with his mother, but the scene was distorted a second later and the scenery changed completely. It was the same house, but this time it looked much darker and colder.

"Mom?" a small voice asked. Again you turned to see where he came from and you noticed that the boy was kneeling on the floor, with a huge bundle to one side; a body “Mommy!” he screeched, moving his mother from side to side. But she didn't wake up or give any sign of wanting to. “Are you mad at me? Wake up!" he sobbed, clutching his tiny hands to the woman's worn shirt.

That damn dizziness came again and when you opened your eyes you found yourself in another scene, again in the same house, this time with the door open and the windows illuminated with a police light. You looked everywhere for Eddie and noticed that he was right next to you, with a policeman holding his shoulder while he wept uncontrollably. He was no longer such a little boy, you estimated that he would be around 10 years old at that time and as he had told you his hair was too short compared to his current style.

You also noticed that the cops were taking a man away in handcuffs who looked a lot like Wayne Munson… was that Eddie's father?

“We will take the boy with his uncle to Indiana, to a place called Hawkins. It's the only family he has left” you heard one of the men say. You also didn't know that Eddie had lived somewhere else before Hawkins, you just assumed that he had lived there all his life "First his wife and then this... that man is crazy”

Your blood ran cold as you pondered the man's words. Had Eddie's dad killed his mom? That was not possible, no way...

A stab of pain filled your head and you hunched over yourself as you held on with both hands. When you rejoined you were in another place, now a different one that you knew too well. It was the trailer where Eddie lived and you were in his room, with walls clean of any posters and also tidy.

You could see him curled up on the bed, crying uncontrollably with no one there to keep him company. You knew it had probably been years from the way his hair looked longer and from how tall he was, plus you remembered seeing him a few times in middle school in that faded red sweatshirt. You saw him take one of the pillows to hug it as he might hug a person for comfort and your heart squeezed too hard inside your chest.

"Eddie" you spoke softly, sitting up in bed. You wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be alright, because you had never been able to bear to see him cry. It's not like Eddie cried too much either.

"Why does this happen to me?" he asked through tears. You opened your eyes in surprise, because you didn't know you could intervene in a memory, until you saw that he wasn't talking to you, but to a picture of his mother "All the kids make fun of me at school, I wish you were here with me” he sobbed.

You couldn't stand the scene; it was heartbreaking to watch. Suddenly you wondered, had he had to keep quiet for so long? How many nights would he have spent the same way, crying alone in his room?

You wanted to reach out to touch his shoulder, but something stopped you and when you looked at your leg you realized that there was a vine holding you. It was just like the ones you had seen when you were on the other side, the ones that were controlled by Vecna.

You didn't even have time to say anything when it dragged you across the floor for what seemed like minutes. When you finally stopped somewhere your clothes were torn and dirty, but you could hear the screams of a person calling your name.

“I'm fine, Henderson,” you exclaimed, once you were on your feet. “I was just left with… some memories. They are bad memories, it seems that Vecna ​​uses them to torment or imprison him” you exclaimed, making both children aware. Dustin was watching you from floating in the pool and he was also seeing Eleven kneeling next to you, a trickle of blood running from her nose.

“Can you see anything else? Where are you now?"

“In the Upside down” you whispered, paying some attention to the environment and coming to that conclusion. Your eyes searched desperately for something that seemed familiar and your breath hitched when you saw Eddie's trailer in the distance. Your feet moved by themselves towards there, trying to get there as fast as possible.

"You are in danger?"

“Eddie!” you yelled. The door was covered by wooden boards and although you tried to remove them it was completely useless “I found the trailer, kids. Maybe he is here. Eddie!” you repeated, saying the second thing louder and continuing to bang “Eddie! Are you here? It's me, Y/N” you murmured desperately, pressing against the door that had some small cracks so that he could hear you better, if he was there “It's me, love. I came to help”

You looked around for something to help you remove the boards and almost like a miracle you managed to see an ax on the porch. Without hesitation you ran to take it and started hitting the boards to break them, desperate to meet him, but when you were about to finish one you felt something sticky holding you by the leg again. You screeched when that thing dragged you again and luckily your hand's grip on the ax didn't loosen a bit, so after a couple of meters you swung the ax hard at it, managing to snap it in half.

You were sore again but still found the strength to get up the next second and run back to the trailer. You hit the boards a few times, right in the middle, but you fell into despair and when they were weak enough you kicked them, breaking a couple of pieces of the door as well. You threw yourself against the wood a couple of times (hurting you in the process) until the door swung open and you were able to get in. You fell to the floor for the thousandth time and although the pain stung all over your side you got up, but you were disconcerted to see that everything was in order. The place looked like the trailer normally did, dimly lit and just as still as ever. Where was he?

“Y/N?” a voice asked, soft and confused. When you turned around you saw Eddie, standing up, clean and safe.

"Eddie?" you asked fearfully. Perhaps in other circumstances your first impulse would have been to throw yourself into his arms immediately, but fortunately you learned from your mistakes. The last time you did that, it turned out to be a vampire wanting to kill you.

"You're here" he murmured excitedly, taking a couple of steps and cupping your cheeks with his hands. The feeling was different, his hands had always been calloused and his grip a bit rough, but these were soft and careful "I'm so glad you're here" he whispered sweetly, however, you put your hands on his wrists to push him away a little. Being close to him gave you the same feeling as the vampire you had encountered. It was identical to him, but... no, somehow you knew it wasn't him. "What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you open the door?"

“I couldn't do it, the boards were blocking it”

"Outside," you exclaimed, still cautious about what you said and did.

“Vecna ​​must have put something down so I couldn't open it either. But that doesn't matter…” he started to say, wanting to lean back in your direction. You took steps backwards, in fear, until you collided with the kitchen counter "now we are here, the two of us together"

"Don't you want to go out?"

"Going out where? Here everything is perfect! We have just what we need,” he exclaimed, oddly cheerful and comfortable with this. A voice yelled at you that it was wrong, to run away, to do anything. That wasn't Eddie and as he walked towards you, you felt like you might cry “Stay here with me, forever”

You didn't even have time to register when your hand went to the ledge and held a bread knife, driving it hard into Eddie's chest. A part of you still suffers from thinking what would have happened if that boy had been your boy, from thinking that you would have killed the one you called your love. But luckily, when the blood began to flow and you noticed that it was a black and viscous liquid, you knew that he was not. That face contorted in a grimace of indignation and surprise at what you had just done, which turned into fury. His skin started to peel off that thing and he wanted to lunge at you, but you were quick and moved out of its way, pulling the knife out in front to stab it back in behind. You were never particularly skilled at doing anything, but to save your boyfriend you could become a professional gymnast if you had to. 

The thing screeched, the way demobats did, and you stabbed the knife in and out until you were splattered with that black goo, not giving it time to even do anything. While the creature bled to the death against the kitchen counter, you saw how the walls washed away, as if it were paint against the rain, and revealed the true scene; the dark trailer, full of vines and white particles that filled the Upside down.

The monster was no longer lying on the floor, but in its place was something else; a body pinned against a vine pillar… it was Eddie.

"Eddie!" you screamed. 

"You found him?" Dustin asked, scaring you because you had even forgotten that he could hear you. Maybe the encounter with that impostor had been a kind of trance and that's why you hadn't heard anything coming from the boy.

"He's possessed, he's... he's trapped," you said desperately, picking up your ax again to start hacking. His eyes were white and his skin was pale, but other than that he seemed fine. I mean, there wasn't one of his broken bones to be seen or blood gushing out anywhere.

"What do you mean trapped?"

"He's on a pillar, his eyes are white like those of the victims" you murmured agitatedly, because you tried with all your might to free him from where he was "Music! We need music!” you yelled “My Walkman is in my backpack, Dustin. There I have a list that Eddie made for me, quick!” you exclaimed, hoping the boy had heeded your words. Your hands were slipping and at one point you even used your legs to support yourself and pull, but it was still very difficult to get it free.

Suddenly the sound of the already advanced song N.I.B. filled you with motivation. Eddie had sung that song to you once and you hoped it was enough to bring him back.

Your love for me has just got to be real

Before you know the way I'm going to feel

I'm going to feel

I'm going to feel

Dustin must have turned the Walkman on full blast in the gym silence was enough to hear him and (hopefully) hear him too. The music went on and on and you scrambled to hack away at anything that would keep Eddie from moving until he fell to the floor with a thud. You threw the ax at God knows where and leaned down to put him in your lap, painfully remembering that this had been the last position you'd been in with him.

You called him by his name and shook him a bit waiting for some reaction, but there was nothing. In a last attempt to wake him up, you approached him to kiss him gently, feeling your lips tremble in fear of having made everything worse. But when you separated you noticed that you were no longer in the trailer, but that you were lying on the grass and surrounded by the cold night. But Eddie was still there, still with his little eyes closed, but this time it was the Eddie you had seen before, the pale one with fangs. You wanted to say something, but your voice caught as the floor below you seemed to turn to water in which you completely sank. When you fell you felt something cover your eyes and you ripped off said garment, realizing that it was a handkerchief. Next to you was Dustin and on the other, still holding your hand, Eleven was looking at you.

"What happened? It worked?" he asked desperately. You didn't know how much they had heard, but either way they couldn't have guessed what all you had seen was. You felt dizzy and tired in equal parts, but when you tried to slow down your breathing you realized a trickle of blood was running from your nose. You wiped with one hand and forced yourself to spit out a few words.

“I think so, I don't know. It was all very confusing,” you murmured worriedly. You tried to explain everything you had seen, without giving too private or embarrassing details, just saying that Eddie was haunted by bad memories. You explained to them how he was trapped and the change of scenery you had made to the area where you had seen the vampire this morning.

"So do you think he really regained consciousness?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," you said, while trying to stand up and falling on your face in the attempt. Your whole body ached and you were weak as if you had just run a marathon. You wondered if that was what Eleven felt whenever she traveled to any side of it and you felt sorry for her.

"You are crazy? What are you going to do?"

“If we really manage to free Eddie, he is going to wake up in the middle of a town that is cursed, turned into a monster, and surrounded by demobats that are probably no longer under his orders. He's going to be scared as shit if he wakes up and he's alone, so I'm going to the area I teleported to at the end”

"Y/N, it's dangerous"

“Everything is,” you replied, finally gathering the strength to stand up and climb out of the pool with your clothes and hair dripping, “And I know Eddie would have done it for us. I owe it to him”

“I will accompany you”

“No, you stay here. You're hurt and only you can explain where I went without it looking like a suicide plan" you exclaimed, kneeling to look at him "I promise I won't go back without him"

“I don't believe in promises anymore,” he said with a trembling voice. You knew what he was referring to, the last time someone had promised him something it had been your boyfriend and that story ended badly.

“Belief in this one,” you murmured, placing your hand on his forearm to comfort him. You crawled over to where the girl was and to her surprise you wrapped her in a hug “Thank you for this. You don't know how much you've helped me” you said about her neck. She had given you even more than hope, she had given you a chance to get your boyfriend back.

"Friends help each other," she murmured, feeling happy that she had done something nice for you, as she wrapped her arms around you. After breaking the hug, you almost ran to your backpack and put on a new change of clothes, trying to take as little time as possible to get on the road to where you could find him.

The only thing you could do the whole way was to tell yourself that things were going to be okay, even if that might end up being a lie.

After almost an hour of walking, you found the spot where he might be and tried to be more cautious this time because of the demobats flying over the area and also because of the possibility that Eddie was still Vecna's evil follower and wanted to attack you. The place you had seen in his mind was covered by grass, so you walked around looking for something like that and you thought you would have a heart attack when he saw a lump lying on the floor. Perhaps showing you too trusting you ran there, only to check that he was still with his eyes closed. Your hand went to his neck to take his pulse and you gasped feeling nothing, but then you remembered that if he was supposed to be a vampire it was because he was already dead. Could vampires die twice? Could their mind die? How were you going to check that he was okay? Can they even breathe? You knew that if you thought about it you would end up consumed by bad thoughts so you just used all your strength to carry the boy (or at least try) and drag him to the nearest establishment. It was a grocery store that had belonged to a couple of very sweet old people but was now empty. Luckily you remembered the time Eddie had taught you how to pick a lock (a great activity to do on a date) and you managed to open the door, stuffing the boy's body in there and immediately closing it to prevent any unwanted intrusion. You were nervous because it wasn't 100% sure that he had gotten out of Vecna's control and maybe when he woke up, he was going to kill you, but you still decided to stay at a safe distance, where he couldn't see you, but you could see him. You had never been more exhausted in your life, but you still forced yourself to stay awake, aware of all the dangers around you. You stole a soda off the shelves (not like anyone would notice) and downed it almost in one gulp, hoping for the sugar to keep you on your toes.

You didn't know how long you sat there, staring at Eddie and humming songs under your breath, until he finally woke up, gasping in amazement. You wanted to throw yourself at him as soon as he woke up, but you forced yourself to wait a bit just to see his reaction. You noticed, for the first time in the two distorted versions of your boyfriend you'd seen, that he was afraid, and you took that as a good sign.

"What the fuck?" he asked himself, putting both hands on his chest to check that he was in one piece. But as he felt his skin, he must have noticed how cold it was and also the missing heartbeat on his left side. It wasn't until he saw his nails and felt the strange shapes on his teeth that he realized something was wrong and he let out a cry "Jesus H. Christ!"

And you proved that this was indeed your Eddie.

"Eddie?" you asked, just in case, as you came out of hiding. You realized that you didn't carry any weapons with you, probably because you were too trusting or just too stupid.

“Y/N?” he called to you, with his bulging eyes and fearful voice. He knelt to try to reach you, but you were faster and threw yourself into his arms “You… what are you doing here? How did we get here? Are you okay?"

“By God, this is you”

“How is this really me?” he said, concerned and confused. You heard him let out a hiss and when you looked up you saw that a trickle of blood came out of his lower lip “Am I dead? I'm in hell? God sent me here and I'm a demon?” he asked, completely terrified, while with a finger he touched the elongated fang that had injured him. But almost as soon as his wound appeared, just like that he was healed.

“Hey, hey, you're not in hell” you whispered seeing how he had already started to hyperventilate “I need you to be calm, my love. Very calm," you asked, raising your head to leave a kiss on his forehead "I have to explain a couple of things, but first I need to know that you will take it easy, okay?"

“Mhm-mhm,” he hummed to you, unable to come up with a more elaborate response. You exhaled with a bit of concern, wondering where you should start.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Well we were with Dustin and I went back to buy time and fought the…" he paused for a second, staring off into space as if he'd realized something. "I'm dead, right?"

"Eddie..."

“That's why I was in that loop of… I… they weren't dreams,” he muttered, seized with fear at what he had just discovered.

“Eddie” you repeated to get his attention. The last thing you wanted was for him to panic "Let me explain, okay?" you asked keeping calm, while your hand went up to his cheek. It was cold again, a feeling you would have to get used to.

He nodded gently, holding back tears, and you began your story, always keeping your hand somewhere on his body to give him some reassurance and comfort. You told him most of the details (omitting only the fact that he had physically hurt you) because you thought the boy deserved to know everything you had seen and everything that had happened since the day you thought he had died.

“Is Wayne okay?” he asked, even though you had already told him that his uncle was safe and sound, just heartbroken over the loss of his nephew.

“We're all doing relatively well, except for… huh… you know, Max,” you said, your voice cracking. You still suffered a little from what had happened, completely understanding Lucas when he cried silently for his love. Although now you didn't know if you could understand it, because you were in Eddie's lap while you stroked his hair and he was still sitting next to that hospital bed.

You felt his hand go up to your neck to remove the fabric of your sweater and when you realized what he was up to it was already too late to avoid it.

“Did I do this to you?” he asked, his voice trembling, as he looked at the two reddish spots that still had a little blood on them. You didn't even want to imagine the look on his face when he saw the scratches on your arms, which he probably didn't remember either. He described that time as a kind of “dream” where you don't know if things are really happening or not. It was confusing and weird for him and you didn't want to make him feel any worse so you took his hand away from you almost immediately.

“No, Eddie. Do not worry about it. It's nothing, I promise."

"This sucks," he whispered, feeling tears prick the corners of his eyes.

"Hey…" you called out to him, feeling bad from the sad look on his face. Again you put your hand on one of his cheeks and forced him to look at you “I know this isn't the best, but at least we managed to free you from that thing's control, huh? We can go home”

“Of course not,” he exclaimed quickly.

“And why not?”

“I still feel him. It's like... if he was always behind me, on the back of my neck, stalking me all the time. When he was checking me out it was like I was just blinded or covered by some sheet,” he said, in a worried whisper. For him all this was also very blurred "He's not going to stop and if I leave the only thing we'll achieve is that... well, he can't kill me, but he'll take control of me again or I don't know" Eddie ran both hands over his face, with desperation “And I don't want to hurt you. Neither you nor anyone”

“And what do you suggest? Stay here and continue helping him?” you asked in an irritated tone, hoping he understood how stupid that sounded, but Eddie's eyes snapped open and he looked at you as if you'd just said the keyword to solve a Sherlock Holmes-level mystery.

"Yes," he murmured, almost happily. You had a totally confused expression “Don't you see it? We have an advantage, Y/N. Imagine this as a D&D campaign…”

“This is not a campaign, Edward”

“I said to imagine it” he scolded you “If you had an ally from the evil side but the evil one doesn't realize it that would be an advantage, wouldn't it?” the argument.

"What do you mean?"

“It's like those times you have a spy or a double agent or stuff. Like…” he thought of an example for a moment, until his face lit up again. “You remember Kas, right? the one who was seduced by his sword so that he…”

“Will kill Vecna,” you completed, beginning to put the pieces together. “So you want to continue this charade so you can destroy it from the inside?”

"Sounds like a good plan, doesn't it?" he asked, with some hope. Even in the condition he was in he wanted to help and that made your eyes glaze over quickly.

“But I promised Henderson that I would take you back,” you sobbed. Eddie gently pulled you to his chest and you hugged him tightly, missing the warmth your hugs always had, but grateful to at least be able to.

"And I'll be back, sweetie," he whispered, holding you lovingly, "But you can't deny that this is... this can help us, we can't waste it."

"What if something bad happens to you?"

“What will happen to me? I'm going to die?" he said wryly, but instantly feeling the weight of his words "Damn, I can't believe I'm dead..."

“Does something hurt? Do you feel… different?” you asked, feeling a little curious, but mostly worried.

“Everyone feels the same. I think what makes me uncomfortable is like… knowing that I am, you know?” he exclaimed, sheepishly.

You were silent for a minute and you kept hugging him, still thinking about his suggestion. You loved Eddie with all your heart and you were willing to do anything for him, but keeping a cool head you knew that the best thing you could do was exactly what the boy had come up with. Maybe that way you'd tip the scales and have a better chance of beating Vecna.

"It's just that I love you so much, Eddie, and I don't want to lose you again," you ended up saying. The last few days had been the worst of your life, and now that you had the young man back, the fear that something might happen to him only grew more intense.

“Let me do this. You know it's for the best,” he asked as if he could read your mind and knew you didn't want to let him stay.

"But promise me nothing will happen to you" you whispered, looking up at him. 

"I can't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep"

"This yes," you said with determination. Your hand gripped the collar of his shirt and you went up to kiss him on the lips, taking him by surprise. "You have to fulfill this one, Eddie, do you understand me?" The boy looked at you, his eyes now bathed in reddish tones, and he smiled just a little "Please"

“Okay, I promise. Only for you” he exclaimed. You went back to his lips, but he stopped you with a hand "I can hurt you"

"You're not going to hurt me," you said confidently, leaning in again so you could capture him in a kiss. It was obvious that Eddie wanted to be twice as cautious now, but that didn't stop the contact from being quite enjoyable, and to your surprise, he didn't taste like blood, like you'd hoped he would. "How are we going to do this?"

“Just… pretend we didn't have this conversation and I'll take care of the rest. No one can know, that will only make things worse."

"What if Hopper or Nancy want to hurt you?"

"Do you think that trick with the demobats still works?" the suggested.

"We'd have to check it out" you exclaimed nervously, biting one of your fingers. He sat up a little just as far as he could turn to look out the window and then raised one of his hands in the direction of a demobat. The monster flew up and Eddie moved his hand in a few directions just to check that it mimicked all of his hand movements.

"No fucking way," he said, notably excited. At least he seemed happy about something "This is so metal"

"Are you literally at risk of being possessed by an entity from another dimension and is that what matters to you, Eddie?" you complained to him, but the truth was that hearing him say that had relaxed you a bit too. You pressed against his body harder, burying your face in his neck, and you stayed like that for a long time. You would swear you could fall asleep at the feeling of tranquility. You were exhausted and, although, in a very twisted way, you had Eddie again holding you to give you peace. You let yourself enjoy at least a fleeting moment of that feeling and when you felt Eddie's arms caress your back to get your attention, then you spoke again "So... then you'll stay”

"Apologize to Henderson for me," he murmured, visibly sad. You knew you couldn't convince him to change his mind “And be careful when you come back, okay? I still don't know very well how this power thing works, but I'll try not to let anything attack you."

"Okay," you nodded. Eddie wanted to kiss you again, but he didn't dare and instead helped you up so he could do the same. You wanted to mention something about what you'd seen of his parents, but it didn't seem right, especially since he'd been so tense at the vague mention of it a few minutes ago. You expected to be able to talk about everything, in due time "This is so horrible"

"What of everything?"

“Weeks ago it was just the two of us worried about your graduation and now… we have to plan a war and pay attention to every move we make” you sighed, feeling quite affected by the idea that you would never have a normal life again “I just wish I could give back time"

"You don't like me now?" he asked, feeling suddenly insecure.

“What are you talking about, Eddie? No, no, you… I like how you are, I'm serious. You're still my boy” you replied, hoping to reassure him, as you reached out to take his hand. His slightly long fingernails felt sharp, but it was nothing you couldn't handle “And yes, you look a bit different now and you're… a bit different now, but we'll find a way to get over it. I know, we have overcome worse things” you assured him. As a couple you had been through a lot, but as people too. It was a long road that you would still have to travel.

“I'll do my best, I know we're going to win, you just… have faith” he exclaimed, getting another nod from you. He leaned down a bit to kiss your forehead, still afraid of hurting you in some way. "And I love you too, you have no fucking idea" he confessed, on the verge of tears. Why were both of you suddenly so sentimental? Ah yes, you were under threat of world destruction “Thank you for coming to my rescue”

You gave him one last hug, still reluctant to leave, and when you looked at him you smiled kindly at him.

“You know that he could never leave you alone. Never” you replied, and it was nothing but the truth.

For Eddie Munson, you would be able to go to the end of the world without even hesitating.

TAG LIST: @sweetdayme4427 @smol-book-nerd @mulletboystan @hiccup005

[jeankluv]

A happy ending || Jean Kirstein (pt. 1)

Paring: Jean Kirstein x gn!reader

Warnings: angst, character death, blood, spoilers for the manga and upcoming season and that’s it I think

Words: 1,3K

Note: sorry if there are any grammar mistakes and also sorry for the angst, I’m only giving my boy Jean tragic fics.

Part. 2 here

Your body was exhausted, after everything you didn’t stop for a single moment since you left the jail in Shiganshina. You left the island, betrayed those you used to call commanders, join those who once were your enemies.

And now here you are in a ship waiting to arrive in Odiha to catch the flying boat and try to stop Eren. You still couldn’t believe all this, was what Eren doing really worthy? For them was worthy? Sacrifice everyone else just for them?

The sea air hit your face and brought you back to reality, the view was beautiful, something six years ago you wouldn’t believe was real but here you are.

That’s when you felt someone sitting next to you. You didn’t have to look to see who was, it was him, your best friend, soulmate and the love of your life.

-Hey… how are you feeling?-He looks at you with a worried look. He knew all this was really getting to you and he didn’t want anything else that made you feel safe. He already hated the fact you were here, he hated the fact you also joined the scouts, he hated the idea of you in danger.

-I’m… I’m feeling exhausted, not going to lie.- You looked at him.

He put his arms around you and kissed your forehead.- We will get through this… I promise.

-I hope you are right.- You said while closing your eyes, and for the first time in a while you felt like you could relax, you felt saved.

It wasn’t long after that you fell asleep on his chest, and for a couple of hours you were able to rest. When you woke up again, you were in one of the cabins of the ship and it was dark outside. You left the camarote and saw some of the engineers going from one place to another. Apparently we were about to arrive at the place Kiyomi mentioned.

You saw Mikasa and approached her.- Mikasa…

-Hey (y/n), how are you?

-I’m feeling better, but how are you…? You know you can talk to me, I know that after Sasha’s death I got a bit distant but you still have me.- You smiled at her.

-I’m okay (y/n) and I know, thank you.- Gives you a sweet smile.

-Have you seen…?

-He is outside with Connie.

-Okay thank you Mikasa.

You left her and went outside, to see Jean talking with Connie. You approach them with a smile.

-Hello (y/n)!- said Connie with a smile on his face.

-Hi Connie

-Hey beautiful, did you rest?- said Jean while kissing your cheek

-I did, thank you for taking me to the bedroom.

-You know some of us are still alone right?

-Shut up Connie. Are you jealous?- said Jean, hugging you and kissing you, you giggle with his action.

-Guys stop! We are getting closer right?

-Yeah we will arrive in less than an hour.

You keep chatting with Jean and Connie and for a moment it almost felt like everything was okay, like you weren’t behind Eren trying to stop him from killing everyone outside Paradise. It was until one of the crew members said you were about to hit the base that you stopped talking and started moving.

You saw the captain also wanting to help, despite his serious injuries.- Captain… you should be resting, with those injuries…

-Kid cut the shit out, I’m going to fight, I need to kill that monkey.

-I know you made a promise to him, but you have to be alive for that and if you force yourself before the fight it could be worse.-You say cutting him, you know he was a stubborn and it was going to be impossible to change his mind.- So sit here and wait until everything is ready for us to leave okay?

He stayed silent for a few seconds.- Okay kid.

You nod and went to help in what you could. Everyone was helping and the flying boat was almost ready, you saw how Annie was leaving. She didn’t want to fight anymore, she didn’t have the motivation or anything to fight for. You wondered why you were fighting, why didn’t you accept Floch’s deal, one where Jean and you could finally have that dream life you always talked about, get married and eventually have children, you could see grow. Have a simple life together. But you decided to decline and become a traitor to everyone on the island. Maybe it was the correct choice, you didn’t know, but it was your choice and you didn’t regret it.

Some gunshots took you out of your mind. You saw Floch, he was alive and shooting at the flying boat. You also saw Mikasa reacting as fast as she could and taking him down.

The gunshots stopped and that’s when you felt, blood. You were bleeding, one of the bullets hit you. Your body was shaking, you felt your legs losing strength and then falling down. This was the moment. You were dying.

-Hey (y/n)!- You felt Armin right next to you, trying to stop the bleeding.- Hang it there, don’t close your eyes, okay?!

It was impossible, you were so tired, you wanted to close them. But where was he? You need it to see him one last time. You needed to tell him you loved him.

-Jean…

-He is coming (y/n)… don’t worry.- Armin said while holding your hand, Connie was also there, he was now trying to stop the bleeding like Armin, but it was not going to change anything, your destiny was already written.

-Jean, come here!! It’s (y/n)!!- Shouted Connie, he was once again going through the same hell, he was losing another one of his best friends, and he couldn’t do anything.

Jean turned around and saw you lying on the floor with Connie and Armin right next to you. He knew what happened, so did Mikasa and Hange, who were with him. He stood as fast as his leg let him and ran towards you.

-Hey (y/n)…- He said while touching your face softly.- I’m here, look at me.

-Jean…- you said looking at his golden eyes, oh those eyes you loved so much.

-Yes… listen it’s going to be okay.- He said while holding you hand, you shake your head, it wasn’t.- Yes it will, you will be okay… and… and we will get married once all this shit it’s over… have… some kids… and have the best life. You and me.- His eyes filled with tears, he knew all those dreams weren’t going to happen. You were leaving.

-Jean…- You needed to tell him before dying.- I… love you

The tears were falling down his cheeks and words were almost impossible to come out.- I know my love, I love you too.

-In another… life,… let’s make those… dreams come true…- You said while giving him a sweet smile.

-We will, we will my love.- He said while kissing your forehead.

-I love you…- Knowing those were going to be the last words you get to tell him.

-I will always love you.- He said and kissed you one last time.

Then everything ended for you, the only thing Jean could at that moment was hold you and cry. You were gone, the person he loved the most, the one he swore to protect, died and he was unavailable to do anything.

-Jean…- Connie touched his shoulder.- We need to move, the rumbling it’s coming.

-Connie… we can not leave (y/n) here, we can’t!- He said, hugging your lifeless body which was starting to get cold.

-Kid please… if we don’t get the flying boat started then all our efforts will be in vain, (y/n) death will be for nothing. We need to stop Eren.- This time it was Levi who spoke.

Jean put your body down and kissed your forehead one last time.- I’m sorry my love… In my next lifetime, I promise you to find you and make all those dreams come true. We will have our happy ending.

This time you weren’t able to have that happy ending, but maybe in another lifetime, in another universe, you two can meet again and be happy like you always dreamed of.

[sugurugayto]

when tomorrow comes | levi ackerman x reader

Summary: The night before an expedition, you and Levi ponder on your mortality. As a scout, death is not an uncommon concept, yet he fears the day he might have to witness yours. But what would happen once his fears almost come true?

Warnings: mentions of death and blood, aside from that none, just a bit of angst and hurt/comfort, and levi being soft and in love.

Word count: 1.7k

ao3 link in the notes

"Would you be sad if I died tomorrow?"

Your question catches him off-guard.

It’s not an impossible scenario yet he doesn’t wanna linger on the thought. Death is not uncommon to him. He’s had plenty of both friends and comrades die right in front of him and at this point, death is a certainty as scouts.

Levi, of all people, should know that.

It would be only a matter of time before death claims you too. It wasn’t a question of “what if” but of “when.”

Yet he can’t stomach it. And when the thought itself was already unbearably painful, how much more would it be if - no - once it happens?

His voice is soft, barely above whispering as he answers your question. “Why would I be?” He lies, albeit obviously (not that you were aware though).

Your gaze shifts from his face to the sky above and lets out a sigh of relief. “That’s good, then.”

“How is that a good thing?”

“Because I won’t have to feel guilty when I die.”

When you die.

You’ve already accepted your fate, made peace with it, so why can’t he?

Because…

Because he loves you, more than he’s ever loved anyone else. That’s why.

He looks up to the sky as well. Not a single star was visible, thick gray clouds hung above you - an indication it would rain soon. It's as if it was preparing to mourn for the both of you - for your tragic story that might end before it even began.

He understands a perfectly happy ending is simply unattainable. Impossible. Levi knows that he's got to sacrifice something to settle for the next best thing - keeping you alive. And if he needs to lay down his life for that, he would gladly do so, without a doubt.

After all, a happy ever after is nothing but a distant dream.

It's painful, but he's got to deal with it.

It was the consequence of falling in love when he knew you were both doomed from the start. He knew he should have stayed away. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself fall for you.

But like your demise, falling in love with you was inevitable too.

You were the opposite of everything in his life - warm, sweet, and full of light, compared to his cold, bitter life. Even in this harsh and cruel world, you never failed to show kindness. And when people either feared him or worshiped him as a god, calling him as humanity’s strongest, you see him for who he is - not as the Captain, but simply as Levi

He looks at you and sees you smiling at the gloomy sky. He’s reminded of how much you love this kind of weather.

And he doesn’t need the stars in the sky when they pale in comparison to you, burning much brighter than any of them.

“It doesn’t mean you should be reckless and die pointlessly.”

You laugh at him. “It’s not that.” Then you lower your look to the ground. “It’s just that our deaths are so certain, I don’t want to be the cause of someone’s pain.”

He could’ve told you that he’d be destroyed by your death. He could’ve told you not to join tomorrow’s expedition. He could’ve convinced you to leave the Survey Corps and lead a peaceful life inside the walls where you’d be safe and he’d follow you. Because no matter where you go, he goes. You’re his home.

Yet he doesn’t. He knew it would be unfair to you.

Levi for once in his life wishes he was a selfish man.

Silence engulfs you as neither of you dares to speak. It wasn’t uncomfortable per se, only heavy with the unspoken - of sentiments and affections he feels towards you. He doesn’t have the courage to say it yet, but now faced with your (and his) mortality, he almost scoffs at it. Why would the courage to tell you matter when you’d be in the throes of death tomorrow, uncertain whether either of you would live or die? Would he pass up this opportunity and wait until it was too late to say it?

His tongue feels heavy with the words he wants to say.

Yet he can’t bring himself to say them. He doesn’t believe in the gods but he thinks he might be cursed to lose everyone he’s ever loved - his mother, his friends, and he wouldn’t want to lose you too just because he loves you, as if saying it out loud would seal your fate.

“Levi?” You break the silence. “Can I tell you something, in case I don’t make it tomorrow?”

He takes a deep breath. “What is it?”

“I love you.”

Surprise colors his features, mouth agape. “I-”

Never has he expected you to return his feelings, content with loving you silently - yet now that seems impossible.

It’s ironic how you don’t want your death to be the cause of anyone's grief, yet your confession only adds more weight to it. How could he possibly prepare himself to lose you when now his mind is plagued with the thoughts of what could have been? Of what it would be like to have and love each other freely with no worries?

“You don’t have to say anything.” You lean your head on his shoulder. “Let’s just stay like this. ”

So he doesn’t. He rests his head atop yours, content and comfortable with you like this. He savors your presence while he still can, because he knows this wouldn’t last forever.

---------

There’s no feeling worse than your fears coming true.

It's been three days since the expedition. To say that it didn't go well would be the understatement of the century. The many casualties that the expedition brought was one thing yet it's not something new.

It was that you were one of them, heavily injured. When he found you, you were lying on the ground, head heavily bleeding.

Now, he sits beside your bed in the infirmary, uncertain when or whether you’ll wake up again.

He regrets not saying it back when he still could.

He takes your hand, thumbs softly caressing your knuckles before bringing it to his lips. He turns your hand around and presses a kiss to your palm, relishing in its warmth - an indication that you’re still alive and breathing, and you could wake up and come back to him.

With a shaky breath, he whispers. “I love you too.”

“That’s good to know.”

He looks up and sees you finally awake, eyes looking at him softly. He whispers your name against your hand, both happy and surprised to see you awake.

“Hi.” You greet him. “Who would've thought that one day, I'd wake up to you saying you love me too.”

Levi doesn’t waste his time pressing his lips against yours. Your eyes widen for a moment in surprise at his boldness, then you close them, relishing the feeling of his lips against yours and you kiss him back. The kiss was chaste yet needy, his other hand sliding to your chest to feel your beating heart as if to tell himself you’re alright, that you’re awake and here with him. The tears he was trying to hold back now freely falling in relief.

He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours.

“You scared the living shit out of me." He moves his hand from your chest to your face, thumb caressing your cheek. "Don't ever scare me like that again. Understood?"

All you could do was nod.

---------

A couple of minutes after you woke up, the doctor checked in on you. They’re making you stay in the infirmary for a couple more days to observe you, and if they see no problem, you’d be discharged. You spent the next hours chatting and catching up to the things you missed in the last three days - from work, to gossip (much to his dismay), and even Hange's shitty jokes that you missed (even much more to his dismay, wondering how someone like you finds humor in their joke).

And until now, he still hasn't let go of your hand.

“You’re a liar, you know.” You suddenly tell him.

“What?” He looks at you, surprised by the accusation.

“You said you wouldn’t be sad if I died. I wasn’t even dead but you were already crying earlier for me.” You jokingly say.

“No, I didn’t lie.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Yes, you did.”

“I wouldn’t be just sad." He takes a pause, carefully thinking about his next words. "Devastated is more like it.” He says softly, voice tinged with humor despite the heaviness that his words bear.

The vulnerability in his words took the air out of your lungs, feeling guilty of having had to cause him pain. “I’m sorry for worrying you.” You say, averting your gaze.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

You sigh, guilt dissipating at the knowledge that he doesn’t blame you for what’s happened. How can he though? When all he feels is relief and joy that you’re alright.

You return to your shallow conversations and after running out of things to talk about, comfortable silence falls upon you both. Every now and then, a small reassuring smile is thrown on each other's way - as if to say "I'm here and I won't leave you."

Soon, your eyes are struggling to stay open and you let out a yawn.

Levi presses a kiss to your forehead and whispers. “Get some rest. I’ll stay here.”

You could only hum in response, too tired to speak. He chuckles at the sight.

He can’t promise you a long life, not even a happy one. With your lives constantly on the line, the tragic stories you witness are abundant that one day you might even have your own to tell. But it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fight tooth and nail for you and whatever this relationship is. Even if there’s only a sliver of a chance to win this futile war against titans, he’d give his all if it means he could give you a world that would treat you kindly. And even if he can’t, he’d just make everything worth it with the short time you both have.

He looks at your peaceful form, face smiling even in slumber. Suddenly his worries disappear.

Yes, a perfectly happy ending is impossible but he'd be damned if he doesn’t try.