#hottie so why jailed

[ruinix]

Huh?? That was a penalty? Ok ig.

Whatever, Millsy is hot.

(Colorado Avalanche @ Vancouver Canucks, December 16, 2024)

[greatunironic]

eddie wakes up in a strange room. this was not particularly unusual for him, historically: he’d spent most of his twenties waking up in new and interesting places (including a handful of jail cells). but after eddie, the label, and the los angeles superior court system decided it would be best if he stopped drinking and doing blow, it stopped being such a regular occurrence.

so it’s almost alarming to him, now, to be blinking up at an unfamiliar cement ceiling with the raging bitch of all headaches and generally feeling like he got hit by a truck, got whiplash in a crash with the way his neck aches. he’d think he was hungover like all those times before except for how sharp the pain is, bright.

he worries, briefly, he’s relapsed, or someone’s slipped him something. but he remembers what him and the boys had been up to, before this, and he thinks it’d’ve been a strange night indeed if someone roofied a c-list (b-list if he’s feeling charitable) musician at a fucking frozen four game.

because yeah, eddie remembers: they’d been third row, watching the wisconsin ladies clean up and cheering for jeff’s kid sister like she was about to get olympic gold. (she probably would, someday. her and that mayfield girl who played defense were looking down the barrel at a 2026 run apparently.

eddie’s been to a handful of games over the years, when touring and recording allows them to go. he’s resolutely never been a sports guy but he’ll admit, when pressed, that live hockey is pretty dope. to say nothing, of course, of how jeff would probably murder them all in their sleep if they didn’t rep the red and white for lottie.

(and also — and this is between eddie and his god alright — but lottie’s coach? standing back there in his suit, hair styled and dialed, snapping his gum, yelling at the refs? kind of doing it for him, okay. worth the price of admission, even if the tickets weren’t free.)

when he thinks harder — which hurts too — the last thing he clearly remembers was someone from the beavers scoring, bringing their lead to 5-1, and a slapshot from the other team getting out over the boards and nearly taking out some lady’s popcorn. someone behind them in the seats said, “jesus they’re getting desperate, eh?”

then shit goes dark on him, not even a fade to black, but a full on smash cut, roll credits black, and the post-credits scene is where ever the fuck eddie is at the moment. it smells like human and cold and icy hot, so obviously, he thinks, he died and went to hell like all the church ladies said he would back in hawkins, or probably just a locker room. what the fuck?

he blinks at the ceiling, at an interesting water stain on the cement texturing. he’s in the middle of wondering where the rest of his band has gone if he’s here alone, fucking abandoners, when a sweaty redhead with the bitchiest expression he’s maybe ever seen enters his field of vision.

“you’re alive,” she says.

eddie blinks again. “why do you sound so disappointed?”

“yo coach!” she shouts, already on the move away from him. “he’s alive!”

he tries to sit up, but that makes the pain in his head worse, and also draws attention to the fact that his back also hurts. he squeezes his eyes shut and makes a truly embarrassing noise of pain — if pressed, he’d call it a whimper — and a pair of big hands land on his shoulders.

“out, out ladies i got this! hey!, hey, man, don’t move just yet,” says big hands.

“yeah, no problem, i don’t want to anymore,” eddie says. he stirs up the will to open his eyes again and very nearly slams them back shut. because of course the person staring down at him is fucking coach hottie snackycakes himself. he’s even better looking in person, too, big droopy eyes, lips as pink as his bubblegum, and shiny, jesus christ. he’s still got eddie by the shoulders, hands warm through the thin cotton of his flannel and tee — because eddie’s always been more fashion than sense, wayne always said, and it’s even worse now that the paps are on him—

“oh, fuck this is gonna be all over tiktok later, isn’t it?” he moans.

“maybe not.”

“don’t lie.”

“listen, eddie — it is eddie, right?” asks coach hottie. “i’m steve. coach harrington. faughnsie — lottie, i mean — she said you’re eddie. her brother’s guitarist? what do you remember?”

“more like he’s my singer,” he says, “but sure. and not much.”

“well, you’re gonna be okay,” says coach hottie — steve. “it really wasn’t that bad, and it was probably too fast for anyone to get it, unless they already had a camera on you. you took a puck to the head when one popped up. i’d apologize but it wasn’t one of my girls who did it, so. anyway — you weren’t out for long, which robbie says is good — she’ll get a look at you in a second — but you got your bell rung pretty good. and you’re gonna have quite the shiner, trust me.”

“speaking from experience?”

“oh, yeah. closer and faster too.” he gently raps his head with his knuckles. “too many concussions too early ended my nhl days, in fact.”

“oh. oh shit, sorry, i—“

“don’t worry about it, man, it happens,” he says. “and if it hadn’t, i wouldn’t be here.”

“at the frozen four.”

“yeah, sure, that too.”

“what?”

“what?” steve waves him off. “anyway, i’m just glad to see you up, ish, and talking. looked pretty scary, from the bench.”

“i really don’t remember,” says eddie. “but i’m sure i’ll see it on tiktok later, like i said — at least, my unconscious, bleeding form.”

“i got up there pretty fast, so i doubt it,” says steve.

eddie blinks, twice. “you—?”

“you were behind my bench, and you. well,” he says with a shrug, but he’s clearly a little embarrassed, finally putting those hands away — weapons of eddie destruction, he thinks — and shoving them into his pockets of his tight slacks. “i should be getting back out there.”

“do you? you’re murdering them pretty good, unless i black out and missed them getting four more goals,” eddie says.

the corners of steve’s eyes crinkle when he smiles. eddie thinks he might just pass out again. “no, we’re still gonna cinch it, i think. looks bad, though — first time coach missing the final period so’s he can hit on the cute musician who got his clock cleaned by the biscuit.”

“oh,” he says. swallows. “uh.”

steve’s crinkly, smiley eyes go wide. “unless—“

“no less!” eddie shouts and then immediately winces. at a better, less damaging to his more than slightly concussed noggin, volume, he says, “more, actually. because pretty sure i shouldn’t be left unsupervised, and i’ve clearly been abandoned by the band, so—“

“so,” says steve.

“coach, two minutes!” someone calls.

“so, i was hoping maybe i could keep hitting on the hot hockey coach back at his?”

“i’m at the ramada inn,” he says, “and i got tape to watch for the finals.”

“i live for room service,” eddie tells him seriously. “and i’m suddenly very into wisconsin sports teams.”

“coach! go time!”

“yeah?” he asks.

“yeah.”

“COACH!”

he jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “i gotta — but, uh, later?”

“pick me up in twenty?”

“probably more like half an hour, with stoppage,” he says.

someone bangs on the door. “COACH!! let’s boogie!!”

with one last look, wide eyed and smiling, steve leaves. eddie watches him go. he’d heard hockey players were caked up but lord — eddie is about to convert to a new religion, or maybe found one, over the stretch of those slacks.

“damn,” he says quietly.

“gross,” a woman says. eddie startles and looks to the side, where a lanky brunette with a bob and an undercut is staring at him, unimpressed. she’s in some get up that screams athletic trainer, and there’s a white board in her hand.

“how long have you been there?” he asks.

she raises an eyebrow. “long enough, and honestly, i don’t know if that counts as a you rule for him, or a you suck for you,” she says and does not elaborate when he asks. “also don’t look at him like that. it’s steve. he’s basically my sister.”

“yeah? any tips then?” asks eddie. “i promise i’ll only use them for good. well. mostly.”

“god,” she says with an expansive eye roll. “you’re gonna be a nightmare, aren’t you?”

a cheer goes up outside the room as the teams, presumably, take the ice again. eddie, head throbbing, concussed, embarrassed, grins. “sure hope so,” he says.

[lillikitty]

Dazai x Siren! Reader

Summary: You have an ability called Siren’s Song. Anytime you sing, you can control and manipulate anyone who hears your song. Well, not everyone as someone seems to be immune.

Warning: Implied Fem! Reader, a bit NSFW at the end

A gentle tune could be heard down an alleyway where you reside. You just finished a perfect robbery as usual and you made bank. You had sung your way into a lawyer’s house and stole everything of value. Why ever work when you can easily just steal, no one could stop you.

A gentle breeze flowed through your hair and you let out a giggle of excitement. Stealing was so fun, especially when you can never get caught. That man won’t even remember your face, you made sure of that. As you were about to finish putting everything into your bag, you heard a whistle behind you.

“Damn, I didn’t know it was a hottie committing all these robberies! I would’ve totally taken the case sooner if I knew that!” A man’s voice rang through the alleyway. You quickly turn around to see who it was. Before you stood a young man with brown hair in a tan coat. You smirk to yourself as you know this’ll be too easy. “Oh no, you’ve caught me, what ever will I do?” You mock being afraid before you take a deep breath and start to sing, activating your ability.

Your voice was simply beautiful, even without your ability you had a great singing voice. You watch the man before you and start to sing some cords to get him to come closer to you, which he does. As he approaches you you notice how attractive he is. It’s too bad he’s some sort of investigator or you’d totally take him home with you. As you were about to make him walk past you and back into the city, he places his hand on your shoulder. You’re struck with confusion, you didn’t sing for him to touch you.

“Sorry Bella, your little song doesn’t work on me.” He says with a smirk. You stop singing and feel the panic start to set in. There’s no way he wouldn’t be affected. Unless.. “You’re part of the detective agency, the one who can turn off other’s abilities.” You start to back away from him. You had heard about him from the Port Mafia. You did some dirty work for mafia when you were getting the hang of your ability before you ran off to be on your own. “As much as I’d love to take you out, I gotta take you in.” He grabs both your arms and puts them behind you. You struggle against his grip and look around in a bit of a panic. There’s no way you’ve been caught, your ability was invincible.

The man guided you to a building, even with all your struggling you couldn’t escape him. You needed up giving up and just accepting your fate. You were gonna be thrown in jail, that was almost certain. However this building wasn’t the police station. It was the detective agency’s headquarters. As you entered the building the man brought you to his colleagues.

“Dazai! Are you insane?! Why would you bring her here?! You were supposed to bring her to the police!” Another young man with glasses started yelling at the man holding you who was apparently Dazai. “But Kunikida she’s so pretty! We should invite her to work with us!” Dazai whined in protest. Kunikida runs his fingers through his head, clearly distressed as he turned to look at you. You stood there just looking around, wondering how these guys have managed to keep the Port Mafia at bay. “Ma’am, you know you must go to prison for all the stealing you’ve done, correct?” Kunikida was addressing you so you turned to look at him. “No shit, that’s what I thought was happening. However if my choices are work here or go to prison, I’d rather work here. At least then I’d have some freedoms.” You say as you picked up on Dazai saying he wanted you to work there.

“See Kunikida? She wants to work here! Come on Bella! I’ll show you around!” Dazai exclaims as he starts to show you around, completely ignoring Kunikida’s protests. You can’t help but giggle at their chemistry. “So, why would you let a criminal you were trying to catch work with you?” You ask with a little tilt of your head. Dazai looked at you and smiles warmly, “I want a pretty girl to do my paperwork. Atsushi stopped doing it for me and I need someone new. Plus, you’re better eye candy.” He winks at you which causes a small blush to form on your face. “Paperwork? Really? I have an ability to control people and you want me to do paperwork?” You scoff a bit in offense. You were worth so much more than paperwork. “You should control Kunikida to be less uptight.” Dazai snickers as he looks at Kunikida who is just glaring in annoyance.

And that is how you ended up working for the ADA. You’ve been working with them for over a year now and you’ve turned good. You use your ability to help people, you’ve become an important asset to the ADA. You can stop shootouts from happened, you can easily guide people out of harms way, but more importantly, you always do Dazai’s paperwork.

Even though you’ve been told you don’t have to by Kunikida, you don’t mind doing it. Mainly because it’s when you get the most attention from Dazai. You’ve grown a bit of a crush on him but you aren’t sure if all his flirting is actually because he likes you or if it’s just who he is. I mean, he flirts with a lot of women so it’s a bit hard to believe he’s actually interested in you. But regardless, he always gives you attention when you do his paperwork.

It was late, everyone else had gone home as it had been a long day but you still had his paperwork to do. You hum softly to yourself as you get started on his paperwork. You were sitting at Dazai’s desk as it made things easier and you had assumed Dazai went home like everyone else but then someone walked into your peripheral vision. It was none other than the man himself.

“Hey Bella, mind if I join you?” He smirks as he’s already walking over to sit next to you. However he didn’t sit next to you. You paused and looked up at him. “Is something wrong?” You ask. Dazai motions for you to stand up so you do, a bit confused as to what he wants. Then he takes the seat you were in and pulls you onto his lap, his arms wrapping around your waist. “Much better.” He hums happily. Your face flushed red as you were not prepared for him to do this. You just try to ignore it and get back to finishing the paperwork so you can go home.

While you worked Dazai rested his head on your shoulder so he could watch you. You didn’t notice that the longer you sat there, the more you started to lean into him. Once you finished your work you just leaned back into him, letting your body relax as you let out a sigh. Dazai looked at you, admiring your face for a moment before speaking, “Hey Y/N, we should start dating.” Dazai rarely ever said your name, he always called you Bella or siren but never your name. You knew he was being serious. Your face was red and you were a bit taken aback by his sudden boldness to outright say you two should date. But you did like him so you might as well right?

Instead of answering him you turned around in his lap and leaned in, kissing him as your arms wrapped around his neck. You felt as he kissed back, pressing himself closer to you. One of his hands moved up to the back of your head to trap you in the kiss while his other arm tightened its grip around your waist. Your hands gripped his shirt as you felt him start to move, he moved you to be sitting on his desk while he stood between your legs. He nipped at your lips, wanting to be let in and you didn’t deny him entry. His tongue slipped into your mouth and pressed against yours before they danced together. Your mind started to go fuzzy as you didn’t expect this to happen, you didn’t even realize the tension that has been building up between the two of you.

Dazai’s hands suddenly moved to the front of your shirt to start undoing your buttons to get the shirt off. But I’m that exact same moment you heard a whistle. You and Dazai pulled away from each other and looked at the door, there stood Ranpo and Yosano. “Told you they’d end up fucking the second they became official.” Ranpo smirks as Yosano handed him $20. “I really thought Y/N had some decency to not fuck in the office.” Yosano says as she shakes her head on disappointment.

Your face was bright red as you hid your face in Dazai’s chest. Dazai only laughed as he wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest, “You shouldn’t make a bet with Ranpo, you know he’ll always win.” He says with a smile. “Yeah yeah, now we’ll leave you be but clean up any mess you may leave or I’m going to end you.” Yosano threatens before she and Ranpo close the door and take their leave. Dazai looks down at you and kisses your forehead to get your attention. You look up at him with a bit of a pout and Dazai only smirks. “Now where were we siren?” He then locks his lips with yours once again.

Pt.2: Here

[fastlikealambo]

Connubium.|| Coriolanus Snow x Black Fem Reader

Chapter Two

table of contents.

Chapter One.

Summary: Stealing from The Capitol is a deadly offense, yet you’ve done it more times than you can count but when you do something you should not have done, Volumnia Gaul decides a fate for you that might just be worse than death.

Notes: This takes place post The Ballad of Songbirds And Snakes and Coryo is in his last year at The University, studying under Dr. Gaul. This will not follow canon, I’m not an expert on all the lore so I apologize if I get things wrong.

Disclaimer: You know Coriolanus is a POS, I know Coriolanus is a POS, please don’t yell at me because this is just a fun little story, something for thee hotties, and  if you feel that strongly against President Snow, please let me know if you’d like me to sign you up for tessarae.

Warnings: blood, violence, poison.

Thanks for the love on chapter one! If you want to see chapter three, comment or reblog, feedback makes me want to continue!

Perhaps before you begin those games, you should understand how you got in the protective arms of one Coriolanus Snow.

You had three rules.

Never be seen.

Never take what you could not carry.

Never intervene.

How did the daughter of teachers from District 6 make it all the way to and from the capitol not once, not twice, but multiple trips over multiple years?

Desperation and sick parents do it every time.

It’s thought that most folks from District 6 hate transportation but the glassy eyes and wet coughs from the people you loved most in the world had you sneaking onto trains, hovercraft, anything that moved when you aged out of tesserae. 

Some thought you’d take over teaching for your ma and pa, you certainly had the education but none of the patience and sugar that is required to work with children.

What was the point of them knowing about a nation that would bleed them before it would feed them?

There were no books on your mother’s shelf that would tell the truth of Panem: 

The best future was no future.

This is tedious, let’s just skip to the  show.

“Hippity, hoppity, you took someone’s property.”

You weren’t exactly sure what a jail cell in The Captiol looked like but a science lab with bright lights and sterile white walls made you question if this was just a scenic detour before getting shot by Peacekeepers.

Peacekeepers forced you to your already bruised knees as Dr. Volumnia Gaul descended a staircase with a pep in her step. You had seen the Head Gamemaker on tv once being interviewed during The Games and you hadn’t forgotten that face since.

   “Not only did you take Capitol property, you destroyed property, you injured multiple citizens, all for an Avox. I’m sure if it still had a tongue it would have definitely said thank you for all your help. I know, why don’t we ask her?” Gaul said, skipping to a shelf and pulled a large circular jar into her arms and placed onto a table spinning it in front of you.

The head of the Avox you had tried to help faced you, eyes open in the fluid.

It all had happened so quickly, you had waited for a couple to leave their home for the evening before scaling the side and entering through an open window one of their guards who kissed with his teeth left open.  You followed your rules, had the fancy fur underwear in hand, and headed out the window when you noticed the couple had a son.

A son that liked to hit a woman who couldn’t speak, let alone fight back.

It all went downhill from there.

   “Are you happy now? Did the little thief save you?” Dr. Gaul asked the head, lifting the jar to her ear for a moment, before proceeding shaking it from side to side as if the head was shaking itself to say “no.”

 You gave no inclination of fear, forcing your mind to pretend Gaul was holding a jar of sugar instead and wet your cracked lips to speak.

“If you’re going to kill me, may I ask that you do it now?” 

 The peacekeeper raised their gun to bring it down upon your head but Gaul merely lifted her hand to stop the guard and cocked her head in front of you.

  “Good skin and clear eyes which tells me you haven’t seen a drop of Morphling in your life, good girl!  Let’s see those teeth! ” Dr. Gaul’s gloved fingers wrench your mouth open, quick enough to avoid your attempt to bite down hard.

  “Not a crooked canine in sight, what a marvel of district 6 dentistry! I’ve been watching you for the last year and a half, you know.  At first I thought you were a rebel spy lurking here and there in a sad attempt at revolution but you have a pattern: you seduce, you steal, you scatter. Never the same capitol house, never the same loot, but always the same goal: self-servitude.  You, little girl, are smart, silver tongued, and most importantly, you are selfish.”

Was the doctor incorrect?

You had stolen enough and traded enough to keep your parents healthy months ago, why did you keep coming back here?

  “What do you want from me?” You asked quietly as Gaul finished her examination of you and hopped into a chair.

“By yourself you managed to steal anything you wanted, charm anyone you wanted, all while going unnoticed in The Capitol for years.  Instead of cutting out that silver tongue of yours, I’m going to use it for the future of Panem.” Dr. Gaul said, damn near giddy.  

Gaul pressed a button that dimmed the lights in the lab and brought a screen down from the ceiling. In a few short seconds, the screen came to life and footage of a blonde man in a crimson suit and coat going about his day, sharp face never once cracking a smile.

   “Let me introduce you to Coriolanus Snow, top student, heir of Strabo Plinth, and the product of exemplary Capitol breeding. He’ll be graduating from The University in a month and in a few short years with proper backing, he will be President of Panem. He’ll be taking a position at President Ravinstill’s office upon graduation but before that he’ll need to take a spouse. That, my pretty thief, is where you come in.” Gaul said.

   “Don’t you have Capitol people for this? What about that ‘fine capitol breeding’? A district girl such as myself would only sully that.”  You said slowly as if talking to an infant.

  “With society families there’s dowries, overinvolved mothers, there isn’t time to mold one in the image Panem requires.  Why pin a veil on a peacock when I can dress up a viper instead? For the good of Panem, you will charm Coriolanus Snow, you will court him, you will spy on him, and in one month, you will marry Coriolanus Snow, little thief.”

You’d rather die.

Wouldn’t you?

    “And if your precious protege can smell District on me?” You snarled and a peacekeeper made you regret that decision immediately.

   “ He’ll never know. You and Mr. Snow share the same look of distinct dissatisfaction in your eyes, dissatisfaction is a bitter root but it can be pulled, can be twisted into something powerful and no Capitol dove can accomplish that. Only those who have tasted blood in their mouths desire it again.”

  “And if I refuse?”

“It’s easier to show you.” Gaul said, clicking another button. The video of Snow vanished and in its place was the grainy footage of a man and a woman hooked up to various tubes and wires.

It took longer than it should have for you to realize those were your parents.

  “You’re not the only one who can slip in and out of people’s homes, little thief.  Just a little something I’m working on in their morning porridge and by this afternoon, their lungs belonged to me.  This is a live feed by the way, so if you’d like to refuse, you are welcome to do so and we can watch your ma and pa stop breathing together. I’ll get my milk and crackers! ”

There was no guarantee she wouldn’t just kill them tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.

A rebel would stand up and refuse Dr. Gaul no matter the cost.

A fool would plead for their life and the lives of their loved ones.

Neither a fool nor rebel, you were something else entirely.

A survivor.

You stood up, shoulders back, head up, and completely ignored the sounds of the machines keeping your parents alive to look straight at Dr. Gaul.

  “When do we start?”

Coriolanus Snow studied people.

He studied his classmates, his professors, he knew the routines and habits of everyone he did and did not come in contact with on a daily basis whether they knew or not.  There was a great tragedy in the fact that he would have made an amazing officer with sight like his. Not a thing got past him, nothing useful anyway.

Except you.

He had never seen a coat so cut to the human body before outside of Tigris’ handiwork, from across the street he studied the exact spot he could put his hands on that coat, on your body. The book obscured your face but it mattered not to Coryo as no one with a coat like that could be anything short of divine.

And as Coriolanus Snow was never wrong, he was given a glimpse at that magnificent visage when you dropped your book in the street, those full lips and smooth brown cheeks, oh what a vision that befell him.

A vision that was soon to be flattened by a car.

If he was honest with himself, had you been someone he knew, someone he had previously studied, perhaps he would have let the car hit you, but this was useful for him, he’d make the Captiol News that night with Flickerman spinning tales of his heroism.

He could not let blood spoil such beauty.

He surprised himself at how quick he was, one moment on the top of the university steps, the next tumbling to the side of the road, his body covering yours as you both came to stop, his hand on the back of your head to keep it from slamming into the curb.

Words died on his lips, the question he had mentally prepared to ask with careful false concern left him the moment he truly looked into your eyes, and Coriolanus did not only want to know if you were injured.

He wanted to know everything.

He carefully removed himself from your person, attempting to keep the displeasure at his previously perfect now filthy wardrobe and scraped hands from his features as he settled beside you.

 “Are you hurt?” He asked, impressed at the hint of actual sincerity that bled into his voice as you sat up gingerly.

“I don’t think so.  Thank you, I wasn’t paying attention, are you hurt?” You asked, a voice like velvet that seemed to surround him and he shivered as he took inventory of his own injuries and shook his head.

 True to their nature, not one person on the street offered to lend a hand and a Peacekeeper was making their way to them. He would hand you off to a peacekeeper and that would be that.

He did not want that.

So he did what he did best, took control of the situation and an opportunity arose when he heard you admit a small moan of pain, eyes wide and fixated on your ankle.

  “May I?”  He asked and you nodded.

 Coriolanus removed your shoe, tender fingers brushing over the swollen skin and he briefly wanted nothing more than to know what his lips would feel like on that silky skin.

He cleared his throat and regained control of himself, sitting straight up.

“ It’s not broken.  I don’t live far from here, my grandmother can take a look at that if you’d like? I promise you’ll be perfectly safe.” 

Grandma’am would rather lick a tribute than tend to an injured stranger but you didn’t need to know that.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to go to the trouble.” You said, attempting to slowly stand, crumpling just enough for Coriolanus to quickly steady you before gently putting your arm around his shoulder and his other under your knees, lifting you into his arms.

“It’s no trouble at all. I’m Coriolanus Snow, it’s a pleasure to be of service.” Coryo said with that winning Snow smile, adjusting you in his arms with care.

After all, roses were to be cradled.

Until that day, Coriolanus Snow noticed everything and everyone, useless and useful. 

Yet while focused on you, he had not noticed that the car that had almost killed you both was nowhere to be found.

That’s chapter 2! If you’d like this story to continue, please comment, reblog, give me feedback! Let me know what you think about this story! Thank you for reading.

[navybrat817]

A Sunny Outlook

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Andy Barber x Female Reader Summary: After everything Andy has been through, his outlook on life is a bit jaded. Until you show up. Word Count: Almost 1.3k Warnings: Defending Jacob spoilers/Mix of canon and canon divergent (talk of divorce, child death), slight angst, opposites attract, future smut and feels (it's me), Andy Barber (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: Tenth and final day of my Naughty & Nice Nonsense belongs to new couple, Grumpy and Sunny! Set in the same AU as Hottie and Sugar, I mixed up my list a bit and plan to share Thorn and Rose at a later date. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Andy edit by the beautiful @randomagnes0210. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

If you would’ve told Andy Barber years ago that he’d be living his life today as a tattoo artist, he wouldn’t have believed you. He had his path carved out. Life didn’t care what people wanted though, no matter how hard they worked to get it.

“Um, Mr. Barber?” Jake called out to him from the desk.

"How many times have I told you to call me 'Andy'? For fuck's sake," Andy snapped.

"Sorry, Mr. Bar- Andy!"

Andy took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. He didn't mean to snap at Jake. He was a good guy. One of the nicest around. It wasn't his fault he was in a bad mood.

Which was his mood most days.

"No, I'm sorry," he said.

He wasn’t always a jaded man. Though his dad had been in jail his entire life, he thankfully had a good childhood overall. It helped set him on his path to become a lawyer, as he wanted to help others. He also made a promise to himself to be a good father if that day would ever come. He thought he had that chance to make that dream a reality with his college sweetheart, Laurie.

As a lawyer, he enjoyed his work. It challenged him and helped him grow. It was also stressful depending on the case. Long hours and seeing some people at their worst didn’t always leave him in the best headspace. But he had his wife and they had their son, Jacob.

Life was good.

Until his world got a little darker.

“This isn’t working, Laurie.”

“No, it isn’t."

Andy couldn’t put his finger on why and he wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that Laurie was on the same page. Love took a lot of work and sometimes it wasn’t enough to make a marriage last. Not that they didn’t give it a try. They met with a counselor. Neither of them stepped out on each other. They wanted desperately to make it work for their kid.

But the loss of their son solidified the end of their marriage.

“Andy, I know you blame me.”

The thing is Andy didn’t put that on her. It was the bad weather that caused her to spin out of control. But she carried guilt for fighting with their son before the crash. It was something she couldn’t let go of.

The divorce was as ammicable as it could be, but it didn’t stop him from feeling like a failure. Work couldn’t distract him either. How was he expected to help people, some who were not even innocent, when he couldn’t help himself?

Tears filled his eyes as he sat in his empty house, trying to figure out what the hell was he supposed to do with his life. He didn’t want to go back into the office. He also didn’t want to drink himself to death. In a drunken stupor he called an old friend of his.

Steve Rogers.

One of the most honorable men Andy had the pleasure of knowing. While he went off to law school, Steve joined the army. The last he heard, he became a tattoo artist with another friend and army buddy, Bucky Barnes. He felt like an ass calling when he hadn’t reached out in so long, but the inebriated part of his brain didn’t process that.

“I don’t know what to do,” was all he said on the voicemail.

He woke up the next morning with a text message from Steve: “You any good at drawing?”

It was the beginning of his new chapter.

"You are never gonna get laid if you keep snapping at everyone," Hal winked as he walked by his chair.

"Get fucked," he said with only a hint of malice as Hal chuckled.

"I'm tryin'!"

"Give him a break," Steve said from his station, but he was smiling, too.

Like Jake, it was hard to get mad at a guy like Hal. A charming piercer who drifted from place to place before he met up with Steve and Bucky, he did some of the best work in the city. He was sure some came into the new shop just to hit on him.

"What is it, Jake?" he asked as he stood up and stretched.

"Your consultation is here about the sun tattoo," he explained, pushing his glasses further up on his nose. "Said she saw some of your work online."

Andy took another breath. He prided himself on the portfolio he built. It took him time to build and he didn't have as much clientele as Steve and Bucky, but he was slowly catching up. He was proud of the work he accomplished.

"Yeah, send her over," he said. He had a few minutes before his next appointment. "Thanks."

Jake rushed off before he could say another word, likely afraid he'd snap again. He'd have to apologize again later. He should've been happy. The opening of the shop went well. He liked his place in the city.

What the hell was his problem?

"Hi!"

Andy blinked when you stood in front of him. He wasn't used to seeing such a cheerful smile on someone’s face. Not directed at him, at least. He would've thought it was fake if not for the kindness in your eyes.

Ironic that you wanted a sun tattoo since he saw the world as much darker a long time ago.

Would the sun still shine in your eyes if I had you spread out under me?

Where the fuck did that thought come from?

He didn't lust after potential clients. He hadn't even done one night stand after Laurie. Why did seeing your happy, beautiful face make him want to change his mind?

Why did your smile get to him?

"Um, I can come back another time," you offered, as if you inconvenienced him by walking over.

The mere presence of you rendered Andy speechless until he remembered he had to speak.

"No, it's okay. Please, have a seat," he stood up to pull a chair over. "I'm Andy."

Your smile was back on your face as you gave him your name.

Beautiful, just like you.

"I just want to say real quick that I love your work,” you said as you took out your phone. “I can’t believe I was lucky enough to get in so quickly.”

"I appreciate that,” he said. The compliment meant a lot. “It’s a sun tattoo you want, right?"

“Yeah. My friends call me Sunny because I’m what they call a ‘big ball of sunshine’,” you explained.

“I can’t imagine why,” he deadpanned. You looked like you were trying to hold in a laugh as you set your phone down. “Something funny?”

“Do people tell you that you’re grumpy?” you asked curiously. "Or is it a requirement that at least half of the staff here have to look intimidating?"

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he wasn’t the least bit offended. “People tell me almost every day."

“I can’t imagine why,” you echoed with a smile.

"And if only half of us look intimidating, then we aren't doing our job."

“Don't worry. I won't tell," you mock whispered.

He actually smiled back at you before he frowned and cleared his throat. He refused to let you consume his thoughts, even if your bright aura began to chip away at his tough exterior. “Then why don’t you tell me more about your tattoo.”

He listened intently as you explained the kind of sun design you wanted and where. He had a feeling by the time he finished your consultation, he'd be in a much better mood. Even if he didn’t want to be. And your tattoo would be his best work yet.

Andy's world may be a bit brighter thanks to you. ❤️ Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Andy Barber Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[chicgeekgirl89]

Chapter 6 now available on AO3!

He’s going on a date. With Hottie Officer Carlos. Tomorrow. He’s equal parts thrilled and completely freaking out. 

They’ve texted daily, mostly inane and sometimes flirty things. T.K. would be lying if he said he wasn’t horny for the guy. Seeing him in uniform, the way his muscles had filled out the sleeves, his thighs…T.K. has woken up more than a few times from dreams where Carlos’ broad hands are caressing their way down his body.

But as he’s told his therapist several times, that is not the point of this date. Carlos seems like a genuinely good guy. The type of guy T.K.’s always hoped to be with, the type of guy he thought Alex was.

Alex. T.K. sighs and wonders how long the specter of his previous boyfriend is going to hang over him. He’d tried to get the guy out of his head when he’d first arrived in Austin. There had been some sex, one-night stands whose names he doesn’t remember, and when that hadn’t worked he’d turned to getting the shit kicked out of him in bars. His dad picking him from jail is not even in the top ten lowest moments of his life, but he still feels kind of shitty about it.

He’s been trying his hardest since then to turn things around. This date with Carlos…it feels like a second chance. A chance to be the kind of guy who deserves someone like Carlos Reyes. And he’s trying really hard not to self sabotage it like he usually does. 

Right now he’s having kind of a hard time telling the little voice in his head that reminds he’s not good enough to shut up.

“Why do you look like that?”

Judd settles into a chair across from him, leaning back and kicking his feet up. 

T.K.’s hand stills where it’s been combing anxiously through Buttercup’s fur. “Look like what?”

“Look like you just accidentally jumped in the pen with my Uncle Cash’s meanest bull,” Judd says. “Something on your mind?”

T.K. rubs Buttercup’s ear and considers how much to share. His therapist has been pushing him to open up more to the people around him. His team has proven time and again that they’re trustworthy, but it’s still hard to give the darker pieces of himself away.

“I have a date,” he says finally.

“Oh really?” Judd says, an interested look flashing across his face. “With that cop from your phone?”

“Yes,” T.K. says. “We’re getting coffee tomorrow. And I’m…”

“You’re nervous,” Judd says with a nod, like it’s a fact. “Good.”

“Good? How is that good?”

“Means it’s worth something to ya,” Judd tells him. “Means it matters. You want a hook up, you just jump on in without caring. You want something more, you’re gonna feel scared you’ll mess it up.”

That makes far too much sense for T.K.’s nerves. “What if I do mess it up?” he asks. “What if he doesn’t like me? We’ve only met once for like two minutes. What if all this texting and talking works through the phone but we sit there and stare at each other in silence for an hour?”

“T.K.,” Judd shifts and sits forward so he can look him squarely in the eye. “I’ve known you for a year, and not once in all those days have you been able to sit in silence for longer than three and a half seconds. You’ll find something to talk about.”

“Thanks?” T.K. says, unsure whether he should feel grateful or offended.

“You’ll be great,” Judd says. “You’re a catch. He should be grateful he gets to spend time with you.”

The room warms in T.K.’s vision, a rosy hue brightening up the dark thoughts in his mind. “You think so?” he asks tentatively.

“You’re a god damned dual certified firefighter paramedic,” Judd says, his voice strong. “And a member of the 126. That alone makes you a catch.” He points a finger at T.K. “Don’t you forget it.”

T.K. has never in his life thought of himself as a catch. He’s just…a toy to be played with. Something for people to enjoy and then be sent packing when they’re tired of him. Judd’s words do something to him that he can’t quite pinpoint, but it feels like a small part of him heals.

Then the alarm sounds and they’re both on their feet, running to the truck. As T.K. buckles into his seat he realizes that he feels…good. It feels like light is dawning on him for the first time in so long. Like those moments when you can’t really see the sunrise yet, but you can feel that it’s coming soon.

They pull up to the fire within minutes and it looks terrible. Flames shoot from windows and out of the roof, smoke filling the early evening air as people flee from inside into the waiting arms of first responders. 

T.K.’s heart does a weird lurch as he spots APD on the scene even though he knows Carlos is off tonight. They haven’t even been on a single date and he’s already getting butterflies over the guy. It’s ridiculous.

“Stay alert,” his dad is telling them all as they pull up to the scene. “Two in, two out. This place is going to be unstable. Stick with your partner and if anything seems off get out first and ask questions later.”

“Yes Cap,” they all chorus before jumping out and donning their tanks and masks.

Inside things are hot and dark. The fire is quickly sucking out any air left in the building and the smoke is billowing in thick, black clouds that make it nearly impossible to see. He’s paired up with Marjan and they’re both struggling to make it even a few feet down the narrow hallways. 

They manage one rescue, a guy who’s leg is definitely broken, and it’s a relief when they carry him back outside. T.K. pulls off his mask and takes a couple gulps of clean air after they pass the guy off to medical.

“Ready to go again?” Marjan asks. 

T.K. nods, replacing his mask and following her toward the door. But before they can head inside there’s a loud rumble and the earth shakes a little under their feet. “Whoa, what was that?” Marjan asks.

“Mayday mayday! Firefighter down!”

Mateo’s voice comes shouting over their radios and T.K.’s heart plummets into his boots. Marjan turns to him, eyes wide. “Isn’t Mateo with—“

“My dad,” T.K. says. Without a second thought he’s through the door. 

“T.K.! T.K. wait!” Marjan yells after him.

He can hear her behind him, trying to keep up. “Mateo where are you?” he asks.

“Southeast side,” Mateo says. “He’s unconscious, I can’t wake him up!”

“We’re on our way,” T.K. says, taking the first left he comes to. 

“Us too,” Judd says from wherever he and Paul are.

It’s only minutes but it feels like days before T.K. hears the screaming of a PASS alarm. They take a final turn and find Mateo kneeling on the floor next to his dad’s prone form. “What happened?” T.K. asks.

“Beam came down from the ceiling. Took him down hard,” Mateo says. “He hasn’t woken up since.” He looks like he’s just barely restraining himself from full blown panic. 

T.K. can relate.

“Dad,” T.K. shakes his shoulder but gets no response and the fear he’s been keeping at bay comes screaming to the surface. “Dad! Come on! Wake up!”

“Hey!”

Judd and Paul join the group. “We need to get him out of here,” Judd says. “This whole place is gonna come down on top of us any second.”

“He could have a spinal injury,” T.K. protests.

“Better injured than dead,” Paul says. “Come on. Let’s go!”

T.K. reaches under one of his dad’s arms while Judd gets under his other side. The way his dad’s head droops as they move makes T.K. sick to his stomach. He’s so terrified he can hardly breathe, air coming in and out of his lungs in tight bursts. 

It feels like forever before they escape the heat and the dark, but finally there it is, the outside world, still waiting for them. 

They drop his dad onto a gurney and Nancy and Tim swarm in along with Michael, their acting captain for the day, pulling off his turnouts and helmet. His dad lets out a groan of pain that makes T.K.’s knees go weak with a combination of relief and sympathy. 

“What happened?” his dad asks as his eyes blink open, squinting against the fading daylight.

“Beam took you down Cap,” Mateo says. “Hit you right in the head.”

His dad groans again and closes his eyes. “Yep, that’s what it feels like.”

T.K. rides with him in the back of the ambulance and then follows the gurney into the ER. He talks to the doctors, tells them about the medication his dad is on for his cancer treatments, and all of his supplements. He calls his mom in New York then sits with his teammates in the waiting room while his dad is taken for tests and scans.

It’s not the worst trip to the ER he’s ever experienced, but it’s not great either. His anxiety is through the roof. This is the second time in just about a year his dad has said a passing hello to death and it’s doing nothing to help his anxiety. The world has faded out to grey again, black and white, like the scuffed tiles of the hospital floor. His skin is itching with the urge to run away from it all, but the desire to stay is currently winning the fight. Yay therapy. 

He chews anxiously on a fingernail, hunched over with his elbows on his knees. He stripped off his turnout coat a while ago, but his pants are still sitting uncomfortably stiff on his legs. There’s a char mark on his left thigh from a stray cinder on some call he doesn’t remember. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at it.

When the doctor finally comes out the news is about as okay as it can be for an injured firefighter. His dad has a concussion and a couple broken ribs. They’re a little extra concerned about the ribs because of the lung cancer and the propensity for pneumonia. They’re keeping him overnight for observation and he’s not happy about it. But overall he’s going to be fine.

Paul drives T.K. home where he falls face first into bed without even showering. He’s exhausted from the stress of everything and it’s only when he wakes up in the morning that he remembers his date with Carlos. Fuck. He has to cancel. 

Anxiety curdles in his stomach. Carlos is going to think he’s that guy. The one who claims a family emergency even though they both know he’s really just flaking out on the date. T.K. has been on both sides of that text on more than one occasion, but he doesn’t want to be that guy this time. He’s been trying so hard not to fuck this up, and he can’t stand the thought of it all crashing down because he’s finally choosing to be responsible.

He stares at the ceiling and sighs. There’s no help for it. Even if he gets his dad home in time today, he can’t leave him alone. The guy will be out trying to rescue a kitten from a tree or help a neighbor move a couch less than twenty minutes after T.K. is out the door. 

T.K.

[7:32am] Hey I’m so sorry, I have to cancel today.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[7:33am] Everything okay?

T.K.

[7:34am] My dad is in the hospital. Hurt on a call last night.

His phone begins buzzing almost immediately, the sight of Carlos’ pecs lighting up his screen. He’d forgotten that he’d set Carlos’ contact photo like that and he barks out a startled laugh. “Hello?” his voice comes out croaky and he swallows hard to try and clear it.

“Are you okay?” Carlos asks immediately. “Is your dad okay?”

“Yeah.” T.K. pushes himself into a sitting position and rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah we’re both okay. He has a concussion and some broken ribs. They kept him overnight so I have to go pick him up in a little bit.”

“God I’m so sorry,” Carlos says, sounding one hundred percent sympathetic without an ounce of suspicion or annoyance. “Is there anything I can do? Anything you need? My mom makes soup that she swears will heal anything.”

T.K. closes his eyes, surprised that he can feel tears welling up. Carlos’ immediate response is to offer to provide comfort for him and his dad. It’s so wildly surprising and different from any guy he’s ever dated that the words have gone straight to his tear ducts. “No, I think we’re okay. Thanks though,” he manages around the thickness in his throat. “I’m um, I’m really sorry about our date.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Carlos says. “We’ll reschedule. Take care of your dad. And yourself.”

“Thanks,” T.K. says. “I’ll text you, okay?”

“Just worry about your family,” Carlos says. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

They hang up and T.K. takes a long minute to replay the conversation in his mind. Carlos hadn’t sounded mad or annoyed. He hadn’t even sounded disappointed. Just genuinely concerned. 

T.K.’s not quite sure what to do with that, so he shelves it to examine later and forces himself into the shower. 

His dad is his usual self when T.K. gets to the hospital. All the nurses are in love with him; the Strand charm effect is strong. He’s definitely in pain though and trying to hide it as T.K. helps him into the car and then onto the sofa at home. 

“Are you going to sit there all afternoon staring at me?” his dad asks an hour later. 

“I’m not staring at you. I’m studying for my EMT recertification exam,” T.K. says, holding up the manual as evidence

“I’m okay son,” Owen says, that soft, dad look on his face; the one that says he’s more concerned about how T.K. is feeling than himself. “I’m glued to this couch. You can go hang out with your friends or take Buttercup for a walk.”

Buttercup lifts his head up at the sound of his name and then drops it glumly back to the floor when it’s clear nobody is actually going to take him outside. 

“I’m staying right here,” T.K. tells him. “I know you think you won’t get off that couch and overdo it, but the second you get too bored you’re going to be trying to throw together a soufflé or check the oil in the car.”

Owen blinks at him. “First of all, you don’t ‘throw together’ a soufflé. It’s a delicate process that requires hours of concentration and impeccable timing. And secondly, I had the oil changed on the car last week.”

“Still not leaving,” T.K. says without looking up from the manual. 

The doorbell rings and Buttercup heaves himself to his feet, tail wagging as he wanders toward the front door. “Are we expecting anybody?” T.K. asks as he gets up. 

“Could be Judd,” his dad says. “He mentioned last night that he and Grace might swing by.”

“Maybe it’s Nurse Judy from the hospital,” T.K. teases. “I saw her eyeing you up this morning.”

“I can’t help it that my shoulders are accentuated by the shape and contour of a hospital gown!” his dad calls after him.

T.K. snorts and shuffles Buttercup out of the way so he can open the door. The person on the other side is not Judd or Grace or Nurse Judy, but rather a redheaded college age kid wearing a black baseball cap. “Hi, I have a delivery for T.J.,” he says, holding out a cardboard coffee carrier.

“Oh.” T.K.’s brow furrows. “I don’t think we ordered anything.”

The kid checks his phone. “You’re T.J. Strand?”

“T.K.”

The kid shrugs. “Close enough. This is for you. Have a good day.”

He practically shoves the carrier into T.K.’s hands and then heads back to his car.

T.K. carries it into the kitchen. “Who was it?” his dad asks, craning his neck to try and see what T.K. is doing.

“Door Dash,” T.K. says. 

There’s a green smoothie and a latte in the carrier along with a folded up piece of paper. He unfolds it and his heart stops inside his chest.

Latte is for you. Smoothie is for your dad. Not quite my mom’s soup but hopefully it helps. -Carlos

Carlos remembered his coffee order. Not only that, he remembered that T.K.’s dad prefers green juices and other organic products. That had been one conversation weeks ago while Carlos was on a lunch break in the middle of his shift. 

One text and Carlos remembered.

Oh.

The room around him brightens, the weight in his soul that belongs to the last twenty-four hours lifting off and dissipating into nothing. 

“T.K.? What’s going on over there?” his dad calls.

T.K. lifts out both drinks, carrying them into the living room and setting them on coasters. “Someone sent us drinks.”

“Someone?” His dad arches and eyebrow and then winces. “Someone like…the hot cop who lives in your phone that you were supposed to go on a date with today?”

T.K. narrows his eyes. “Did Judd rat me out to you? Because that’s really not cool.”

“Judd didn’t rat you out,” Owen says. “Sound carries in the fire station. And also I know you. You’ve been all moony eyed and nervous this week. It’s how you always get before a first date.”

“I do not!”

“Um yeah, you do,” Owen says. “You know, you can still go on your date. I’ll be fine here by myself.”

“Like I said before, I’m not leaving,” T.K. says. “I already cancelled. He was very understanding. As evidenced by the drinks.” He gestures to where he’s placed them on the coffee table.

Something odd and soft passes over his dad’s face. “Good. He should be.” He picks up his drink and takes a sip. “Ooh! Flax seed. Tell the hot cop I said thank you.”

T.K. sips his own as he pulls out his phone.

T.K.

[12:16pm] Thank you for the drinks. You didn’t have to do that.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:18pm] You’re welcome. Not quite the coffee date we were hoping for, but hopefully it will do for today.

T.K.

[12:19pm] You’re really sweet. And again, I’m super sorry about the date.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:20pm] Stop apologizing. Family comes first. How’s your dad?

T.K.

[12:21pm] Already testing the boundaries of his convalescence. And my patience. But he’s fine. Meds are taking care of the pain. 

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:22pm] Good. Are you doing okay? That must have been scary to see your dad like that.

T.K. looks over at where his dad has drifted off to sleep, his mouth hanging slightly open. The pain and fear of possibly losing him burns brightly in his chest for a moment and he lets it fill him up before breathing it out again. His dad is okay. They’re both okay this time. 

His phone buzzes again.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:26pm] You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to cross a line.

T.K.

[12:27pm] No, it’s okay. It was scary. He was unconscious for a long time. And after the cancer last year, I’m still kind of panicky about him. But he’ll be all right. He’s been through worse. We both have.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:28pm] Feel free to call or text anytime if you need to. 

T.K.

[12:29pm] You might regret that. He’s going to be a pain in the ass for the next couple weeks. You may end up having to come investigate his murder because I’m not sure I can handle it.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:30pm] Haha aren’t firefighters supposed to be tough as nails? You can run into burning buildings but you can’t handle your dad?

T.K.

[12:31pm] We WALK into burning buildings thank you very much. And you haven’t met my dad. He can whine like a toddler being denied ice cream. It’s unreal. We may need to reschedule our date just so I don’t lose my mind.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:32pm] Tuesday?

T.K. thinks for a second. His dad should be well on the road to recovery by then. And he’s not scheduled to work again until Wednesday.

T.K.

[12:32pm] Tuesday could work.

[count-alucard-tepes]

Headcanons for my One Piece hotties: Drunk texts they send to their S/O

Kizaru✨

Kizaru: baby, when I get home I want kisses and to love with all my very essence! You are the best thing that ever happened to me and the shining light in my life. I don’t know where I’d be with you and I appreciate everything you to do for me!😍😍😍

S/O: are you drunk?

Kizaru: 🤔 how’d you know?

S/O: ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Akainu🌋

Akainu: I’m amgry

S/O: You’re supposed to be having fun with your friends, babe

Akainu: Kizaru is dancing on a pole and Aokiji is throwing money at him. I’m too pure for this.

S/O: babe, take a video! Right now

Akainu: I can’t…I’m laying on the floor and looking at the stars…they remind me of you when you’re all happy and cute

S/O: BABE! VIDEO PLEASE!?

Ryokugyu 🌱

Ryokugyu: if this was my last night alive, I would spend it cuddled up to you and not my plants I promise

S/O: omg, are you drunk!? Where are you?

Ryokugyu: oh man, one thing I was in a pub with the guys…next thing I know is I was sitting on a bridge with a bottle in my hand..and someone’s walking stick…I think I beat someone up or won this walking stick in a drinking game…either way…your man is a winner 🥇

S/O: omg share your fucking location!? I’m calling Kizaru rn!

Sir Crocodile 🐊

Crocodile: grrrr I’m a crocodile, I bite *nom nom*

S/O: …what in the actual hell? Did someone steal this phone? Also he can’t text with one hand so it’s definitely stolen

Crocodile: I’m using the voice to text thingy…if I was a real crocodile would you love me?

S/O: fuck no, that’s weird

Crocodile: What! This is why I’d eat you if I was a real crocodile

S/O: pretty sure you eat me regardless of being a crocodile or not 😏

Crocodile: wait…was that a dirty comeback? Daddy’s coming home

Doflamingo Donquixote 🦩

Doffy: I’ve decided

S/O: on what? And where are you btw?

Doffy: you are the chosen one! And you shall bear my heir!

S/O: deal

Doffy: 😭😭😭 really baby, you’re gonna have my babies?! Omg I’m gonna be a mom

Doffy: I mean a dad

Doffy: I can’t stop crying

Doffy: halp me

Benn Beckman 🔫

Benn: I think my aim is better when I’m drunk, want to see?

S/O: that’s not a good idea, come home rn

Benn: babe, you were right…I accidentally shot Shanks while we were drinking and we have to go to the hospital

Benn: I’m a supportive husband

Benn: I meant first mate! Not husband!

Benn: babe, don’t be mad! I didn’t mean it like that…I panicked and texted…also the cops are here

Benn: bail me out of jail, please

Katakuri Charlotte 🍡

Katakuri: babe, someone put something in my drink…I swear I just had one and now…I’m all shakey and shit

S/O: oh no! Love, just drink some water. I’m on my way

Katakuri: nah, I’m gonna find my brothers and kick their asses first

Katakuri: I found them and threw them into the river nearby lol

Katakuri: ah shit, I forgot they can’t swim…I have to go save them brb

Katakuri: omg, Y/N, it’s Smoothie, we had to fish big bro out of the water…come to the hospital asap

Killer🔪

Killer: I think I’m gonna stop wearing my mask and just embrace myself

S/O: baby, did you have too much liquid courage?

Killer: babe, someone said I looked like a Barbie so I beat him up

Killer: so apparently there’s a guy Barbie called Ken and he thought I looked like that…I thought he said I looked like a girl

Killer: okay I felt bad so I sang I’m a Barbie girl for karaoke for him…he’s a fan I guess..also I don’t want him to have me arrested

Killer: omg babe he’s a marine, I’m fucked …call Kidd…I need help

Kaido🐉

Kaido: 👁️ ❤️🫵

S/O: you discovered emojis, love?

Kaido: 🙈

S/O: everything alright?

Kaido: need booze…send help

King👑

King: would you love me if I was a worm?

S/O: omg what is this shit?

King: answer the question, Y/N

S/O: yes, I would

King: I had a bet with Queen that you would said no…I have to drink 5 bottles of tequila.

S/O: oh no…are you okay?

King: babe, I started breathing fire?! Did you know I could do that! I also fell over and can’t get up…everyone else is on the floor too…I feel so old rn

King: well at least I know you’d love me as a worm

King: also I lost my mask so I’m the one of the floor with the bag on my head

King: Queen drew a grumpy face on it so you know it’s me…it has a crown too

Queen👑

Queen: zoom zoom zoom zoom

S/O: getting lit, baby?

Queen: you know it, I think I can stage dive this time

S/O: omg no babe! That’s not a good idea!

Queen: babe, I did it…and I’m in the hospital now… hurt my back…but I saved my beer babe! I’m awesome!

[dangermousie]

Let's meet my favorite kdrama cursed prince - Muhyul as portrayed by Song Il Gook in The Kingdom of the Winds

Or more specifically, this very long-ass post is my attempt to convince people to watch this ridiculously underrated 2008 sageuk.

Why? Is it politics? Complicated families, cursed destinies, battles, or more hurt/comfort than you can want? Nope, none of these. I have my priorities straight and it's official. Muhyul/Yeon is one of my favorite period OTPs.

Take one Cursed Prince (who does not know he is one, and is brought up as a slave), add in one capable Enemy Princess who saves his life, add in ninjas (yes I know ninjas are Japanese but I have no idea what the Korean equivalent term is and I am too lazy to type in secret assassins every time), poisonings, intrigues, and a lot of hurt/comfort and we are set!

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Muhyul. He was only a slave but what he did not know was that he was actually a Prince who was given away by his family at birth because he was cursed to kill his whole family, people he loved, and to top it off, to destroy his country. Despite it all, he was still super-hot.

In the enemy nation of Buyeo, there lived a Princess named Yeon, who was ladylike, kind, a skilled healer....also a deadly ninja.

Point 1: Heal captured slaves from torture. One day they might be the Crown Prince.

Muhyul first sees Yeon after he has been horrendously tortured by Buyeo troops. He opens his eyes to see a heavenly vision quite competently stitching him up, so to speak. It is love at first sight for Muhyul. And who could blame him. He knows that with the director's troubling penchant for h/c, he will need a hottie healer around.

Point 2: "Heal a hottie and he is yours for life"

Muhyul spends some free time drawing her portrait. Without knowing who she is or if he will see her again. If the whole slave/assassin/king thing doesn't work out, he can always make money as an artist.

Point 3: "It's not stalking when he's hot!"

Muhyul is on an undercover mission in the enemy country but he forgets everything when he sees Yeon walking by (btw, he assumes she is just a commoner doctor). I love how he sort of stops thinking of anything else at all.

And then he thinks of her at night...

And lo and behond, their paths cross again when she heals a slave in the house he is staying in.

And he introduces himself to her and she is totally mesmerized. Who can blame her, it's freaking Song Il Gook!

And "rescues" her from evil Byueo soldiers. Only, oooops, they were sent by her family as escort and she is piiiiiiiiissed!

"Why did she slap me, whyyyyyy?"

Still, be happy, boy! Despite it all, she bailed you out of jail for assaulting the Royal Guards :)

Awwww, Muhyul doesn't want to leave...

Point 4: You know what makes anything better? Torture and homicidal angst

Did I mention the part where Yeon's Dad runs an Evil Assassin camp where they experiment on slaves with poisons and torture them? You see where this is going? If you do, then you have the mindset of both the writer of this drama and myself.

Muhyul gets captured by them (after losing the only person he ever regarded as family, but that would drag us into plot and this post is about the shippy):

And tortured for a solid year. If he ever marries Yeon, that might make for an awkward family Thanksgiving. "So, how are you, son?" "Well, I almost regained the use of my arms!"

Anyway, Yeon is visiting Daddy and sees some slave being taken out, after they have tried poisons on him. It's Muhyul, so it's Yeon to the rescue! Man, no wonder he loves her - it's self-preservation on his part!

(this shot here is for troubling reasons)

And then Muhyul is drafted by evil assassins (long plotty reason) with the only alternative more torture. The training is psychotic and gets Muhyul near-broken utterly but as a side benefit, makes him even more hot. If now mildly psychotic. As you can probably figure out by the end of the drama he's so hot he's a supernova

Also, as I posted earlier, gorgeous armored men on their knees looking up at their OTP who is teaching them foreign language (because Yeon is an Evil Assassin trainer for daddy) and thinking of the fact that they are a slave and she is a Princess (which is something he found out only in the ninja camp) is pretty high on the list of my favorite things.

Plus, Yeon takes him out for fresh air and exercise that doesn't involve being hung upside down and being ordered to off oneself. Score! She even makes him smile.

This is hitting the cap limit for continuing in part 2 shortly...

ETA: part 2 here:

(99+) Musings of the Obsessive Kind on Tumblr

And part 3:

(99+) Musings of the Obsessive Kind on Tumblr

[misquigleya]

hi hello, back on my bullshit that is misty fucking quigley. could have had much more of her but it's okay...i fully expect to see more of my unhinged baby in the coming episodes. as usual, thoughts under the read more <3

sure you can look and look and look for someone that you actually love but you can also find you someone that will listen to, with the windows down, fuck tha police in your minivan while you're inside being questioned about your totally not dead but def missing boyfriend....we stay stanning jeffrey sadecki in this house and i love him so much. but also rip that dash and steering wheel 'cause it got sticky af from that spit take. like shauna please...he's gotta clean that now before you go off to cult camp with your besties

i wasn't a callie stan until just recently ( annoying teenager pls forgive me for side-eyeing the fuck outta her ) but miss ma'am gO OFF MAKE THEM QUESTION EVERYTHING DET. CREEPO SAYS 'cause goddamn that man needs to go. he needs to be fed to whatever the fuck they all brought back from the woods. also "does this mean we're going to jail???" i love the sadecki family so much.

VAN AND TAI PLEASE STOP PUSHING EACH OTHER AWAY but also please explain what happened for y'all to split up 'cause i'm no longer thinking it was 'cause of the "wicca bullshit" anymore seeing as tai is leaning more into it ( though that was kinda obvious from the fact that adult tai has her little alter #ripbiscuits )

i know they all got beef / tension with lottie but what was up with lottie and misty upon lottie seeing her. like please...what happened out there other than hottie lottie being diagnosed as schizophrenic and being institutionalized and that could ya know....'cause some tension and questioning of what had happened out in the woods, bUT STILL WHAT HAPPENED. 'CAUSE WHAT DID MISTY DO SEEING AS THEY'RE ALL MEH WITH HER. aside from her general weirdness and slightly off-putting personality.

that jackie bit when shauna passed out had me clutching my pearls like sHAUNA BABY DO NOT GO INTO THE LIGHT. and also, i might get shit for this but whatever, eat my ass; thAT DREAM SEQUENCE HAD MY ASS BACK IN THE THEATER WATCHING TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN PT. 2 like goddamn...okay this one wasn't THAT GOOD but they really had me there in the first half like i full blown thought i was gonna be able to tick off the eating of the...well you know off my bingo card. but nope, they played me, they said "yOU THOUGHT YOU SICK FUCK" so i'll give 'em that. four for you glen coco, four for you.

natalie bby do you need a hug?? yj writers...have you forgotten and or completely disregarded the whole mistnat setting up of season one and telling us to eat your asses now like ha-ha you really thought we'd give you those two?? hahahaha...i hate them and i need them to stop toying with my emotions. LET. THEM. BE. HAPPY. AND. TOGETHER. 'cause that "he was the only one i loved" and "he was the only one who cared about me" like mmmm...mmm...m'kay, i'm gonna go lay in the highway. but like i get. still going through some shit. bUT FUCKIN' RUDE.

deep breath

can we talk about misty's little goodie bag and how it was given carol in twd unloading all her shit when they got to alexandria and just...kept putting more and more on the cart? 'cause i loved that and i fucking lost it aND WALTER BUDDY BOY, YOU WAS GONNA DIE or i'm at least assuming as i don't know what was in the vial that misty had in her purse with the syringe like ma'am please. she was ready to beat the fuck outta whoever, handcuff them, and possibly do some light torturing....so i once again sAY WHY ARE YOU DICKING ME AROUND WITH MISTNAT YJ WRITERS?!?!!??! fucking hell...

anyways....

the episode was good but lowkey...they need to stop hyping them up so much or i need to lower my expectations. either way...felt there could be a bit more and feel like they're taking too long with the story and they're dragging it out to an almost annoying length. like we get it, you're hoping for five seasons but i don't want to wait 'til the last season to have all questions asked or if the worse outcome happens, they get cancelled, i don't want any room for no questions being answered. so...if they could stop dragging it out and get to the point, that'd be super. but that's just me.

[notasapleasure]

Doctors season 10 run (2008), part 2/3

Actually I think these four remaining episodes will be crunchy enough for two to a post...warnings for rape, drugs, gun violence, you know...standard daytime TV fare.

(also help how did I think the policewoman/bartender was called Jess this whole time, her undercover name is Jill, real name Eva)

Episode 16: Anger Management

Callum is passed out in a pile of coke and guns in the bar and doesn't want Jill's help. Are we supposed to think he's only how he is because of Jack? His dad beats him up and tells him to fix the day's business - which has been placed in jeopardy by teen mum Poppy missing the drugs drop.

Matt just tries not to look too pleased that Callum has fucked up.

Ah eww, Callum is now coercing Poppy into sex, like that's going to fix anything. Like yikes Scoob. Gun-waving coke-snorting rapist on daytime TV.

OH lmao Jill shot Callum!

Ruh-roh!!

Come on Matt, choose your side...

YESSSS FUCKING HOTTIE

From "Poppy! SHAHT AHP!" to telling Jill to help out so Jack doesn't find out how his shithead son died. I knew my feelings weren't misplaced :')

He's right this IS the best thing that could have happened.

Episode 17: The Last Time

There there boss, he was a nob.

Well Jack isn't happy and he can't believe there was nothing Matt could do. Matt promises to kill the guy who did it and uhhh sets it up as a gangland thing. Jill looks terrified.

The face of a man who's just been asked to perform a 'private burial'.

She just can't understand why he's covering for her!

Matt (ripping down curtains with a sigh): "You say whatever you like, Jill. I'm the one with the body to deal with."

Ok boss let's go and bury your kid.

Uh oh, Jill's concerned doctor friend is here pretending to deliver the citrus for the bar. And like all men in her life, he assumes she needs help/pulling out as she casually mentions killing a guy, but he's making life much more difficult for herrrrrr....

Oh look who's here to check on her as she takes receipt of the fruit...

Ugh he’s Eva/Jill’s doctor boyfriend. Which makes his ‘I am going to do something about this’ expression about a million times more annoying, fuck offff little man.

---

TBC: I think there’ll be enough stuff in the last two episodes for another post. My predictions are that Matt won’t survive this - particularly if he finds out about doctor boyfriend. I think my early diagnosis of Hunk with a Heart will stand and he’ll sacrifice himself for Jill (best case scenario is jail ig, but this show has already proved itself utterly deranged, so he’ll probably go down in a blaze of glory).

[d-dawgthechef89]

it sounded like a roc

Ahh, shit! There it is, there it is, boy Ahh, yeah! There it is, there it is, buddy Ahhh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, they seem to know the time but, um.. let's see.. (Ah-ha, swing it)

[Verse 1: Subroc] It's my thing! Yo, it's my thing! The way I swing, not even an orangutan can hang on my DING-DING Saved by the bell rang I talk, yell, whisper, mumble street slang With no doubt, you tumble if I flip Don't make me shout with my vulgar lip A hip-hugger, I'll mug ya, if fun to know Slow and steady wins a race, I keeps a steady pace In a chase, I'm bookin', cookin' feet don't fail me 5-0's can't see me, catch me to jail me Walk the plank, ya damn dime droppers Snitches get stitches, why, oh, why does my trigger finger itches? Corrupt! I follow my nose — it always knows it Open the draw bridge — close it! Close it! A doo doo lyric, I snuck in 'cause I chose it Long ding-a-ling dong there, big booties grows it Up! (Up!), up and awaaaay, we go across the border To Mexico, suck my toe Doo doo brown's my color No watered down, no cut A jewel to a fool is like pearls to big butt Ahh, swine, I strut on the sidewalk and don't touch the line Escalate, never decline I'm gonna get mine, don't try to take mine No, my kneecaps ain't blacker than my black behind The bush, I touch tush So beware of the grin of my evil eyeball glare I's a wiseguy, yeah, a smart alec Like it, or kiss me where the sun don't shine like metallic KA-BLAOW!

[Chorus] "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock"

(They thought I didn't know!)

[Verse 2: Subroc] One-double-nine-tre, dumbbells I lift it Just for the taste of it, coke I won't sniff it Ya party pooper, you'll never stop my frontings Like Jesse Owens, I’ll dust ya, I run tings! Popcorn mama, you can sniff my sock I's a hard headed nigga, my head is (Like a rock) So, so, leave me, B-boy, I'll be boppin' When I chug-a-lug alone, it ain't no stoppin' Hop in skin to skin, now I must stall Jim hats ain't even made like rubbermaid, at all If I be over stressed, over tryin' under arms Cookin' like onions, you'll be cryin' Boo-hoo-hoo! But I get the hoorays From sunrise, to sunset for days All in the Kool-Aid, don't know the flavor Taste buds are shot, waistlines duds I left the slammer on bad-ass behavior Call me Sub, I roll underground like C.H.U.D.'s Cease with the wack, I'm never ever booty over that I got my cootie shots for the cootie for the body The hottie, I might use Karate (Snap back!) 15 minutes I'll be off duty KA-BLAMM

[Chorus] "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock"

[Break: Zev Love X] It's a break, Zev Love X and Subroc for Ninety Tre Crew massive deep Constipated Monkeys deficatin' that old hard shit And ya don't quit!

[Verse 3: Subroc] It sounded like a what?! It sounded like a boulder It sounded like a Land, yo, slide up over I need my room, to huff and puff These bastards be soft like marshmallow fluff Step up, wrong move you catch a back smack Or a blackout, so be out, black! Let's play catch, a bad one ya caught it I'll take your thumpin' heart and smote it Then I grab my wood (my dick), I grab my rope Over there ya got that same ole shit, here ya don't Oh, no, you don't, gimme that, back Now you sing the blues while your eye's black Don't need to flaunt, no need to front I see right through, you very blunt Attitude nonchalant, I do what I want If I be ghost, expect me back to haunt KA -BLAWW

[Chorus] "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock" "It sounded like a rock"

[Outro: Zev Love X] Constipated Monkeys doo-doo! Droppin' shit like that

[mint-moon25]

DEAR - KOREAN - GIRLS,

HUSBAND - AND - WIFE - THE - HERMANOS

LITTLE - HAVANA - MIAMI - FLORIDA

BOTH - IN - CHARGE - CALLED - ME - 'LIAR'

BOTH - LAUGHING

PIGGY - BANK - AND - FREE - CHECKING

EXCEEDING - $2,000

NOT - EVEN - HARVARD - LAW - CAN GET

YOU - SSI - DISABILITY EVER - AGAIN USA

HERMANOS - NON-PROFIT - ORG

RELIGIOUS - ALL - NON-PROFITS

AMENDMENTS

'ILLEGAL - IN - USA - THAT - ANY - INCOME

IS NON-TAXABLE' - ALL - INCOME IS TAXED

EVEN - PRESIDENTS

OVERTHROW - OF - US GOVERNMENT

BETTER - LAW - AND - ORDER

CRIMINAL - CHARGES - WEEKEND

PRISONS - IN - FUTURE

NON-PROFIT - RELIGIOUS

1 MIN - DISAPPEARING - JAILS

CORRECTIONAL - FACILITIES

LEGAL

WOMEN's - IMPRISONMENT

MEN's - IMPRISONMENT

FRIENDS - OF - HISPANIC - MAYOR

(A - HOTTIE) - MALE

I SAID - 2 - MALE - IN - CHARGE

HIS - MOUTH - AS - HE - CALLED

ASIANA - A - LIAR

N CHAPMAN - PARTNERSHIP

BLKS - HISPANICS - WHITES

75% - OF - INCOME - SSI

CAMILLUS HOUSE - 70%

BECAUSE

SSI - BLINDNESS - $943

BLANK - MONEY - ORDERS

$707.25 - PUT - IN - WHITE

ENVELOPES - IN - N MIAMI AVE

DOWNTOWN - MIAMI

LAST - STOP - METROMOVER

FREE - TRAINS - EXIT

SCHOOLBOARD

CASE - MANAGERS - OFFICES

BLKS - HISPANIC - WHITES

FEMALES

$707.25 - X 3 = $2,121.75

GOAL - OF - SHELTERS - 4 - THE

HOMELESS - NON-PROFIT

RELIGIOUS

2 - MAKE - SURE - SSI - DISABILITY

ENDED - 4 - MANY - 4 THE HOMELESS

LAWSUITS

MALICE - AT - LEAST - $250,000 MAX

FINE - AND - OR - IMPRISONMENT

CRIMINAL - ACTIVITES

THEIR - LAND - BUILDINGS

US - LAW - NOW - $1.00

JESUS - IS - LORD

CONT ...

HALLMARK+ - IS - TAXED

NOT - OFFLINE - ONLY - WI FI

NOT - MOBILE - DATA

THE - HERMANOS

USUALLY - MALES - WHITES

HISPANICS

YESTERDAY - ENCOURAGED

IN BETWEEN - TENTS

WHITE - SHEET - NEXT - 2 - ME

HISPANIC - LOUD - MOUTHS

'DISTURBANCE - OF - THE - PEACE

WHEREVER - THEY - WERE

FRIDAYS

ENCOURAGED - ILLEGAL - PUBLIC

DRINKING - THEY - JUST - THROW

2 PARKING - LOTS - OVER - FENCE

SODA - CANS - BEER - CANS

EXPOSE - THEIR - PEE PEE

LIVE - RAW - URINE - PUTTING

LITTLE - PACO - THROUGH - MADE

IN - TAIWAN - FENCE - THEIR PEE

PEE - WEE WEE

THE - HERMANOS - MADE - CERTAIN

AS - WHITE - MALES - THEY R LOUD

TALK - 2 B - HEARD - ILLEGAL - PUBLIC

DRINKING - LOITERING - VISIBLY

THROWING - SODAS - BEER - CANS

ON - STREET - FOR - BUS 77 - 24 HRS

CAN - WITH - TIRES - HIT

AS - BUS - WILL - SWERVE - AND HIT

THEIR - BODIES - ON - CARDBOARD

SLEEPING - HEADS - ARMS - OFF

JESUS - IS - LORD

NEAR - ME - NICE - WINDS - I - FELT

SOMETHING - SAID - 2 - ONE - I CAN'T

BREATHE - WITH - MY - ASTHMA

THEIR - SMOKING - ENCOURAGED

MY - 2 HANDS - ARTHRITIS - UNUSUAL

HISPANIC - DOCTOR - MALE - SAID

I - DON'T - HAVE

PARKINSON'S - DISEASE

NOT - TERMINAL

EXTREME - PAINFUL ARTHRITIS

HAND - TREMORS - TREMBLING

NO - BIG

DOLLAR TREE

PAIN RELIEF - CREME - $1.25

EXCELLENT

MEDS - $1.25 - MAGNIFICENT

GOING - THERE - TODAY TOO

CHICA - I - FELT - WAS - BARKING

4 A - REASON

WHY - DOES - SHE - BARK - ALSO

OFTEN - LIKE - HAG - OWNER

LIKE - CHICA - FEMALE - DOG

DEBBIE MACOMBER

ROMANCE - WRITER

HOT MALE - KID - CUTIE - NAMED

HIS - CAT - I - THINK - 'DOG' - BUT

HE - WAS - ALLOWED

CAT - EVENTUALLY - DIED - COOL

CHICA - WAS - SO - HUNGRY

WAS - EATING - YELLOW - SOAP

HID - THAT - SOAP UNDER TENT

I - FOUND - CHICA - BROUGHT

HER - CHAIR - 2 - EDGE - OF - ROAD

SW 2 ST - 2 WAY - THERE - SW 2 AV

LONG STREET NAME - OTHER - SIDE

CHAIR - DRAGGED

SO - BROUGHT - BACK - 2 - TOP AND

1 MOVEMENT - HIT BOTTON - OF THE

CHAIR - CHICA - OBEYED - AND - SIT

SO - CLEANING - CUP - WHERE - SHE

DRINKS - ILLEGAL

SAW - WATER - IN - 2 - CONTAINERS

CLEANED - THAT - GLASS

ONLY - HAD - PURIFIED - WATER

CHICA - WAS - DRINKING - THE

MOISTURE - INSTEAD REMEMBERED

FILLED - UP - PLASTIC - ORANGE

CONTAINER

ANIMALS - DRINK - NATURAL SPRING

WATER - RAIN - WATER

NEW - HORIZONS

HERMANOS

TRAFFICKING - OF - HUMANS

2 - LITTLE - HAVANA

NEW HORIZONS - DRUGGING

EVEN - BY - THERAPISTS

AS - THEY - TOUGH - THEIR

BODIES

FATSO - ELENA - I'M - OLDER

TOLD - ME - IMPLIED

NEW - HORIZONS - HAS - SUCCEEDED

IN - STEALING - FR - MEDICAID - AND

MEDICAIRE - U - WILL - TAKE - MEDS

5 GOLD - MEDALS - CHILD - EUROPE

3 GYMNASTICS

2 FIGURE - SKATING

U - NEED - DEPAKOTE - MEDS

2 - SLOW - YOUR - SPEECH - STOP

YOUR - SINGING - LIKE - JULIE ANDREWS

SLOW - IN - WALKING - IN - DECIDING

ONE - MED - U - GIVE - THE - WRONG

ANSWER - ALWAYS - ON - PURPOSE

AGE 246 - USA

U - WILL - NOT - TALK - MORE - THAN

5 MIN - OUR - PSYCHIATRISTS

$328 - 20 MIN

NEVER - WENT - 2 - COLLEGE

HISPANIC - ELENA - FATSO

DOOR 1 - MALE - PSYCHIATRIST - WITH

GLASSES - HOT - HE's - MY - NEW ONE

ELENA - NO - SYMPHATY

TOPIRAMATE - 50 MG

ME - NO - LONGER - BLOOD FLOW

AND - I'M - ANEMIC

BIRTH - CONTROL - PILLS - OVER

25 YEARS

SHE - IMPLIED - YOUR - FACE

MY - RESPONSE - I - DON'T- LIKE IT

EITHER - GIVING - MY - TWIN - BOYS

MY - LIGHTNING - FAST - BRAIN

SINGING - ACTING - TOP PERFORMANCE

ATHLETE - MUSICAL - INSTRUMENTS

MY - GIFT - 50%

USA - PSYCHIATRICAL - MEDS

DESTROYS - KITCHEN - SINK - PIPES

FLUSH - IN - TOILET - INSTEAD

ABILIFY - ALL - CAUSE - DEATH

ELENA - WHY - DO - YOU - WANT - TO

LIVE - LONG?

HAVEN'T - U - SHOWN - YOURSELF

NAKED - 2 - DR NICHOLAS - MIAMI

FLORIDA - LAW - YEARLY

WHY - WE'RE - BUYING - ESTATES

IN - NORTH CAROLINA - MOST YES

BEAUTIFUL - TREES - I - USA SNOW

CHEAP - REAL ESTATE

VANDERBILT CASTLE

HORSES - THOROUGHBREDS

LOVESVILLE - ONLY - HORSES

NO - CARS - 50 MIN - FR

ASHEVILLE - NORTH CAROLINA

ASHEVILLE - 'FLY - WITH - THE - WIND'

FR - MEMORY - CHEROKEE - INDIANS

OVER - 4,000 YEARS - THEN - KICKED

OUT - WHEN - GOLD - WAS - FOUND ...

01 OCT 2024 - REPUBLICAN - PARTY

OF - FLORIDA - THEIR - GOVERNOR

DECLARED - HOMELESS - FUGITIVES

GUESSING - $2,500 - FINES - EACH

INCIDENT

US PASSPORT

TRAVELERS - CHECKS

INCREMENTS

MIAMI - POLICE - SHELTERS

NON-PROFIT - RELIGIOUS

NEW HORIZONS - PSYCHIATRY

TRAFFICKING - OF - HUMANS

DRUGGING

HEART - $35,000

KIDNEY - BLADDER - $9,000

HISPANIC - MALE - FRIEND

OF - WEIRDO - BOTH - INCHING

IN - ITCHY - 2 - TOUCH - MY

2 BICYCLE - TENT

RETAIL - $69.99

TENT - 1 PERSON

RETAIL - $129.99

BOTH - GRAND - THEFT

VALUED - $750 OR MORE

PREVENTING - OWNER OF

PROPERTY - USE - OF PROPERTY

ENJOYMENT - OF - PROPERTY

VALUED - IMPORTANT - AND

USEFUL - MEANING 1 AND 2

REASON - 4 - PURCHASE

'IMPORTANT - AND - USEFUL'

FLORIDA

CASTLE - DOCTRINE

MIAMI - RESIDENTS - DEADLY

FORCE - PROTECT - YOUR TENTS

ADVANCE - WITH DEADLY FORCE

STANDING - REMAINING - STANDING

GO - AND - USE ARMS - CONCEALED

CARRY - USE - WEAPONS - STAB

STAB - TWICE - OR - ONCE - STRONG

KOREAN - TV - DRAMA

'LOVELY - RUNNER'

COMBAT - KNIFE - $0.89 - LITTLE HAVANA

COULDN'T - BREATHE - YESTERDAY INTENT

SUBSCRIBING - 2 - DISNEY + - MOBILE DATA

NO - ADS - $15.80 - AGAIN - MIAMI - FLORIDA

'BUZZ LIGHTYEAR'

PART 2 - WAS - THERE - MAP - BACK - OF

CONSTITUTION - USA - BULLET PROOF 2

NEW - GMAIL - ADDRESS

NEW - YOUTUBE - SHOP KOREA

EATING - LUNCH - SW 7 ST - BUS 8 - 207

DOLLAR - TREE - SW 9 ST - EXCITED TOO

WHITE - TOWEL - $1.25 - WAS - SOLD HAI

[fairymascot]

i imagine quite a few followers of mine, over the last few days, have been looking at my blog and wondering to themselves, 'what is milgram, and why won't she shut up about it?'

well, lads, this post is for you.

WHAT IS MILGRAM, AND WHY I WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT: a masterpost

milgram is a bit difficult to explain. here's the short version: imagine the popular reality show 'survivor', only instead of real people, it's anime characters. instead of a desert island, it's a magical jail that makes you sing. and instead of an assortment of swimsuit-clad hotties, it's ten highly unstable individuals who have all been, to some degree, involved in a murder. does that clear things up? no?

well, here’s the long version:

a teenager called es wakes up in an eerie, mystical prison, in a guard's uniform, with no memory of who they are or why they're here. the helpful mascot character, a talking rabbit named jackalope, explains that this prison is called milgram, and es is its sole guard and jury. the prison contains ten prisoners, all of whom had committed some sort of murder, although the prison's definition of 'murder' can be a bit loose. none of the prisoners are quite sure how they got there, either, but it's clearly detached from the outside world, and they have no means of contacting anyone from home.

es' job is fairly straightforward. they have to get to know each prisoner, and then decide whether to 'forgive' or 'condemn' them. (this is often translated as voting 'innocent' or 'guilty', but rest assured, everyone is actually guilty. the question is not whether they've committed the murder -- it's whether they're considered justified in doing so.) there will be three trials: for each one, each prisoner will offer their testimony, and receive their verdict. their future in the prison will be affected accordingly.

the prison has a nifty schtick: the prisoners don't testify, exactly. instead, they're connected to a special machine that takes their innermost thoughts, feelings, and memories... and turns them into absolute bangers, paired with epic anime music videos. yes. their fate is decided based on the music video produced by their brain. what happens to those forgiven, and those condemned? well... that will be revealed in time.

that's that for the in-universe setup. in reality, milgram is an interactive multimedia franchise that delivers its story primarily through a series of youtube music videos. the songs are composed by renowned vocaloid producer deco-27 and the videos produced by otoiro. if you're into vocaloid at all, that's probably all you need to know it looks and sounds awesome. (if you're not: i'm telling you that right now.) each character's video has a distinct visual and musical style tailored to their personality, which makes for a very unique and diverse experience. and seriously, all those songs slap.

but the key gimmick is this: es is you. after each character's music video is released, a poll goes up where the viewers can vote to decide whether to forgive or condemn. the majority vote is then canonized, and future story developments will be affected by it.

milgram also explicitly urges you not to vote based strictly on morality. you can vote for whatever reason you'd like. maybe you just find this character cool, and want them to have a good time. maybe they annoy you, so you want them to suffer. maybe you just think this particular verdict would make for some really neat story developments! there's no right or wrong, which makes for some really fun and varied fandom discussions.

another aspect that makes it really engaging to me, is that the music videos -- meant to be the fruit of each character's subconscious -- are rarely straightforward. most of them require some degree of analysis on the viewers' end, and there's no concrete canon explanation provided for most of them. this creates really rich and interesting community discussion! nothing like watching a video for the first time, having no idea what to make of it, and scrolling down to read some passionate fan's frame-by-frame, 5000 word breakdown. it's awesome!

with ten prisoners (plus es, who is not nearly as much of a blank slate as the story would initially have you believe), every fan is guaranteed to find their own little blorbo. each character is incredibly fucked up in their own special way! they're all professionally voice acted and, in addition to their songs, have accompanying voice dramas where you can get to know more about them.

with the first two trials (=seasons) out of three complete, now’s a good time as any to jump in!

OKAY, SO HOW DO I GET INTO THIS THING?

first, a warning: in case that wasn't clear from all the murder, this is not a feel-good series. your favorite blorbo will inevitably turn out to be a horrible person who does horrible things, and will have horrible things happen to them. the videos include, in addition to the obvious violence and murder, themes of abusive relationships, bullying, suicide ideation and child abuse. and that's just off the top of my head.

TRIAL ONE

T1 MUSIC VIDEOS:  you can find every video from the first trial, in order, HERE.

they're all in japanese, and have CC in (just slightly broken) english. this is the main meat of the canon! if you've watched it all and still want more, here's some extra content:

T1 VOICE DRAMAS the character voice dramas can be found in the single release of each song, on spotify, youtube music, or apple music. here are translations gathered from various fans across the web. (i’m linking both youtube uploads and text-only translations, in case any of the links get taken down due to copyright stuff.)

00. es (video / text) | 01. haruka (video / text)| 02. yuno  (video / text) | 03. fuuta  (video / text) 04. mu  (video / text) | 05. shidou  (video / text) | 06. mahiru (video / text) | 07. kazui  (video / text)  08. amane (video / text)  | 09. mikoto (video / text) | 10. kotoko (video / text)

TRIAL TWO

T2 MUSIC VIDEOS: you can find every video from the second trial, in order, HERE.

T2 VOICE DRAMAS 01. haruka (video / text)| 02. yuno  (video / text) | 03. fuuta  (video / text) 04. mu  (video / text) | 05. shidou  (video / text) | 06. mahiru (video / text) 07. kazui (video / text) | 08. amane (video / text) | 09. mikoto (video / text) | 10. kotoko (video / text)

additional resources

milgram official site & twitter - news & updates (japanese)

milgram en on twitter - additional translations (website updates, character blurbs, comics)

rochisama on wordpress - translations of background text in the videos & character interactions from the official app

@milgrammer - sadly no longer active, but has lots of translations, including character bios, cd dramas, and voice actor interviews

@onigiriico​ - currently active translator who’s been doing awesome work on the cd dramas

have fun, and happy judgement!

[anonymous-dentist]

Okay so guys this RLY HAPPEND!! ;-; it was on my campus and the news was here and it was REAL

So there was this guy taking psych classes I think (maybe it was smth else? idk lmao) and he was like SUPER hot like okay. Imagine Robert Pattinson. But MEXICAN. He had brown hair and brown eyes and he was muscular and just O_O I think every girl wanted him but like I think he was gay or smth?? I hope not rofl but LISTEN!

So this dude was named Roier and he was SUPER obsessed with crime or whatever, like his myspace was FREAKY!!! He was all into blood and stuff and like that’s whatever but then we found his TUMBLR and guyssssss he ran a fob fanpage like ewwww ಠ__ಠ he was like super weird even if he was a major fucking hottie

Anyway so there’s this serial killer that escaped from a jail a bit away form my campus. His name is Cellbit and he has brown hair and blue eyes and he has sharp teeth and a scar across his face thag he’s SUPER embarrassed abt. Apparently he killed everyone who talked to him and that’s why he went to jail and also he was a cannibal who ate people. He’s also gay

We got a new student on campus named Cell Bit and I still don’t know how hes related to Cellbit but he and Roier were roommates who definitely got into some weird stuff together. Like I saw them holding hands one time at Starbucks witch is CRAZY cuz I don’t think there are ANY gay dudes on campus (trust me I’d lnow ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

But then this girl went up to Roier and was like “what r u doing with that freak” and Cell Bit STABBED HER !!! And Roier was all like “wtf noooo” but then he like? Kissed him? And then they ran away into the woods together all covered in blood and stuff (n they were SUOER HOT)

And I know this sounds crazy but itss real!! If u go out into the woods alone they’ll find u like they’ve found fifty other people since they disappeared

Spiderbit but they’re 2013 creepypastas

[tonberry-yoda]

Ok so like i said before

Would you please make headcanons of the part 6 gang reacting to a male reader who is an alien like mikitaka

And who uses his ability to turn into jotaros disc and stop pucci

oh this is such a fun idea! it was super difficult to think of though, really gave me a challenge lol. i really loved it though and i hope you enjoy!!

Stone Ocean gang reacting to a reader who is an alien

Warnings - none!

Notes - none of the images below are mine. I really hope you like this and have a great day! this was a little difficult, so I hope i did okay!! FF is my favorite on here lol thanks for the request @lazyandannoying !!

And don’t forget, REQUESTS ARE OPEN! So if you want to request any writing, please don’t hesitate to ask, but please read my pinned post before requesting! Please enjoy!! Don’t forget to stay hydrated! <3

Jolyne Cujoh

miss gurl is baffled

at first she doesnt believe you

alien??? yeah right.

it takes a super flippin long time for her to believe you until y'all meet FF, who is a literal plankton and then everyone's like, 'oh yeah, they're definitely an alien' lolol

she would always ask you about other planets and why you came to earth

she would ask what stars are like and honestly, a lot of your conversations with her are super duper wholesome and it makes you a lot less homesick

i think because she's a girlboss (and a smart one too), she would come up with the idea for you to turn into a disk to trick Pucci and get her dad back, and its flawless

you honestly love jolyne (platonic or not, up to you) so much and are so thankful that she stepped into your life, even if the whole thing was crazy. you had some fun adventures together and you want to tell her all about the stars above

Ermes Costello

she thinks it's awesome

she definitely believed you right when you told her

at this point, nothing phases her

she thinks you're cool

she doesnt ask too many questions because to each their own honestly

she would just kinda find out new things about you along the way

when you end up saving everyone's asses, she is forever thankful to you, and honestly becomes the closest thing you have to family on Earth

Narciso Anasui

i think you would be a little ghost room rat with these hotties

emporio would've found you and let you live with Anasui and Weather, so you all became pretty close

anasui would ask you questions about the stars and let's be real, he's a zodiac gurl for sure, so he would ask you if the stars align for him and jolyne lmaoooo

at first tho, he thought you were messing with him because you were just another crazy prisoner

until you show off your powers and he's like woah, that aint no stand

he would love that you saved everyone because if it werent for you, he wouldnt have been able to get Jotaro's blessing

what a little rat omg

Weather Report

y'all become close

you're both quiet and weird, so it just fits

you plan on how you're gonna get out of jail together and stay up at night talking for hours

he asks about your old planet and is mesmerized by your powers

watching you trick pucci really showed how awesome you were and he knew he could trust you with anything

you guys have a crazy awesome bond

you two would protect emporio with your lives

Foo Fighters

TWINZZZZ

y'all would get along crazy well

doing weird stuff together

yall would probably try a napkin together and find out that it definitely isnt edible

they think you're so funny

you two would ask about each other's old lives and compare how weird it is

"maybe im an alien too" FF would giggle and just pull you close calling you their "alien twin"

its nice to find someone as equally weird so besides weather report, yall are stuck together for life

[you-show-me-love]

Gallavich Kinktober 2022 Day 14 - piercings X “You know, you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

For @gallavichthings and those who believe Mickey Milkovich should have piercings

Read on Ao3 or below the cut

"So this is a felon themed coffee shop?"

Trevor rolled his eyes at the man looking confused next to him. Ian was hot, so hot, but he was really dumb sometimes.

"It's not a theme." Trevor's patronizing tone pulled Ian from his confused wonder, his own eyes now rolling.

"They exclusively employ ex-cons."

Ian pulled open the door to Criminally Good Coffee, revealing yet another hipster coffee shop his friend Trevor had dragged him to.

"Why can't they just hire parolees and not make it their theme?" Ian asked as they joined the line. Even with five siblings Ian wouldn't have to wait this long for the coffee he makes at home, plus his wallet wouldn't be so light if Trevor didn't insist on dropping $6 for coffee every other day. Still, Ian wanted more queer friends and if waiting too long to buy overpriced coffee was the way to do it he'd bite his tongue.

"Ian, imagine if you didn't know the person making your coffee had been to jail. Or worse, your child's teacher, your doctor, your‐"

"Jesus Christ, Trev!" Ian interrupted his friend's attempt to put his entire foot in his mouth.

"They don't have to advertise their criminal record just so you feel safe. If they're good at their job, who cares?"

Trevor opened his mouth to respond when he realized they were at the front of the line and a pissed off looking ex-con was giving him the crazy eyes undera accusatory eyebrows.

Ian had noticed too, though he wasn't eating his words like Trevor was. No, he was eating up the sight in front of him. The man was shorter than him but in no way did that make him less of a force. His dark hair was slicked back on top, dropping into a fade down his head. His arched brows were raised high, crinkling his forehead, the two barbells in the left brow catching the light. His eyes, currently drilling a judgemental hole into Trevor, were a gorgeous robin's egg blue. Rounding out his face was a pair of full pink lips adorned with a hoop right in the center of his bottom lip. Below his chin Ian admired the trio of skulls stacked on top of each other down the column of his throat.

"You gonna order somethin' or just insult me to my face?" The man, Mickey according to his name tag, bit out behind gritted teeth.

Trevor opened his mouth, but all that came out was a sound like someone was slowly letting air leak out of a balloon.

A tall blond snaked his way between Mickey and the counter, glossed lips pulled in a sultry smirk.

"What can I get you? Besides my number?" He, Cole on the nametag, asked Ian and Ian only.

Behind him Mickey finally eased up on his mental murder of Trevor. His eyes met Ian's over Cole's shoulder, face shifting from cold, calculated anger to something open and intrigued that made Ian shiver.

"Uh, black coffee?" Ian finally ordered, handing over a ten dollar bill and tossing the few dollars and change into the tip jar. Cole wrote quite a bit on his cup before passing it over to Mickey who rolled his eyes and worked on Ian's drink. He left Cole and Trevor at the register, sent away with a wink and wave from the blond.

"One black coffee for…Hottie with the Body-ody-ody?" Mickey read, voice shifting from bored to amused as he read the name. Ian raised his hand and reached for the hot cup.

"It's Ian actually."

Ian's hands were grazing the cup when it was snatched back, held by fingers reading F-U-C-K. Ian watched Mickey uncap a marker with his teeth and scribble something before sliding Ian's order back over.

"Take your pick, tough guy."

–

"I'm pretty sure he spit in my drink." Trevor grimaced as he took a sip of his americano. Ian grinned at his friend's discomfort. The whole experience had been enjoyable for him and he was walking away with a spit-free coffee and two phone numbers on his cup, hidden from his friend by his large hand. He didn't need Trevor to shit all over his excitement right now, and he knew the man would go hard.

Friend-zoning Trevor was a constant battle. Ian liked him at first, thought he was cute and funny, but the more he got to know Trevor the more incompatible he knew they'd be. Ian knew from the moment Trevor told him he was a top they could never work, but the more Ian saw how much their different upbringings shaped their world perspectives the more solid he was in his resistance to giving their relationship a chance.

"Well, this is my stop." Trevor pulled Ian from his thoughts as they stopped outside of Trevor's building. "Wanna come up?" He offered, face full of hope that this time Ian would say yes. The numbers burning themselves into his fingers and palm had him turning Trevor down once again.

–

"Well, well, well." Cole purred when he opened the door for Ian. The redhead paused, hand still raised to knock.

"I-"

"You're here for Mickey, I know." Cole heaved a dramatic sigh and turned on his heel, leaving the door open for Ian to follow.

"It's a shame we have the same taste in men." Cole bemoaned as he sank onto the couch. Ian stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking around for the man who sent him to this address. Instead he found a rather elaborate photo wall, and curiosity brought him to stand in full view.

In the center of the mass of photos were two mugshots, one for the man on the couch and one for his date. Cole's hair in the picture was dark, most likely his natural color, but his lips were still glossy and artificially plumped. He was pouting into the camera, puppy dog eyes looking just above the lense. Mickey's mugshot was a little more typical: dead eyes, relaxed face, but there was no throat tattoo or holes in his face where peircings would to be. Surrounding the mugshots were dozens of pictures of the roommates, some of both, some of just one and probably taken by the other. Ian smiled at a photo near the bottom of the pair with their tongues out, flipping off the camera.

"Ey." Mickey offered gently in greeting. Ian hadn't noticed him join them in the living room. Mickey stepped closer, eyes moving across the wall with a nostalgic smile.

"So, uh, what were you in for?" Ian asked, then winced at how insensitive the question was. The roommates took it in stride.

"Credit card fraud." Cole said from the couch. "Totally lame."

Mickey shot an amused look to the harassed looking blond before facing Ian with the same look.

"Would you believe me if I told you the same?"

Ian scrunched his nose and shook his head, Mickey's face shifted into a put upon expression before he dropped the playful edge.

"Attempted murder. Sentenced to fifteen, out in eight."

He watched Ian behind veiled eyes, probably waiting for him to make an excuse to bail. Instead Ian swallowed his concern.

"Did they deserve it?"

Mickey's face split into a wide grin and Ian's heart fluttered at the sight. He knew in that moment whatever Mickey had done didn't matter, Ian just wanted to keep making him smile like that.

–

Two Months Later

"Ian!" Mickey yelped, his boyfriend having yanked him back onto the couch.

"I gotta get ready for my shift." He reminded the redhead currently nuzzling into his neck.

Ian took a deep inhale against Mickey's warm skin. It had been an amazing two months of dates and sex and happiness. Ian had even been added to the mugshot collage in a candid photo or two which he considered a badge of honor.

"You've got time." Ian pressed his lips to the skin he was nuzzling, then added a nip of teeth. Mickey groaned in annoyance but still tilted his head to give Ian more room.

"Don't send me to work with a hickey, dumbass."

Ian smirked and grabbed Mickey by the hips, dragging the man into his lap. Looking up into his blue eyes Ian knew Mickey's words did not match his expectations.

“You know, you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

Mickey's tattooed arms wrapped around the back of Ian's head and pulled him into the crook of his neck. Ian went willing, mouth sucking at the feast of sensitive flesh. Mickey sighed as Ian marked him, grinding their clothed dicks together. Blood was warming a trail down to Ian's crotch, making him hard. That's just what it was like with Mickey, his dick at the ready with just a touch or even a look. It was so easy for them. They were so compatible.

Ian pulled back to admire his work on one side of Mickey's neck. The skin was shiny with spit and angry red, the broken blood vessels already coloring a deep purple. Mickey's grinding was slowing down the longer Ian looked, the stimulation not enough, so Ian reached under his boyfriend's shirt and flicked his thumbnail over pierced nubs. Mickey's head fell back and his hips resumed their thrusting.

"Ian, fuck." Mickey's voice shook as Ian turned his head and face planted into the other side of his neck. Between his biting kisses, the nails grazing his pierced nipples, and the friction on his cock, Mickey was going to cum in his pants like a damn teenager.

It took less than a minute from there for Mickey to cum, making those aborted, huffy groans Ian loved as he did so. Leaning back the redhead admired his handwork, both sides of Mickey's neck bitten into a patchwork of red and purple.

"Beautiful." Ian whispered, looking directly into Mickey's eyes. The man smiled, that wide grin that made Ian's heart flutter the first day and every day since.

"Damn."

They turned in the direction of the voice. Cole was leant against his doorframe, dumbfounded. Mickey shuffled off of Ian's lap and raised his middle finger at his roommate.

"Next time buy a ticket to the show, eh?" Mickey told his roommate, face shuttered back into his hard ex-con exterior that phased neither of the people in front of him. He stalked off to his bedroom to finally get ready for work.

"If only you had called me instead." Cole lamented, making Ian grin. They had done this charade many times in the last two months.

"Should have called dibs." He replied with a what-can-ya-do shrug.

Cole huffed and put on an exasperated face of contemplation before coming to a light bulb moment.

"You wouldn't happen to have a brother would you?'

Ian laughed from deep in his gut, holding his stomach as his body heaved. He settled down and seeing Cole was still awaiting an answer he shrugged.

"Sure, I'll give you his number."