#hot ferengi fashion

[thefloodtv]

I present… Quark.

He has to share with the other boys, because I wanted to see what it looked like as an ensemble.

going to need a wider canvas if I keep doing these. 😓

[trenicat]

I'd been assuming that most of the DS9 Ferengi costumes either consisted of very high-waisted pants with the shirt tucked in, or of jumpsuits where the "shirt" portion was directly sewn onto the "pants" portion- with a jacket/coat usually hiding where the two met in either case. But no, the "pants" were, on their own, jumpsuits.

I found this out from the New Ferenginar blog (which has a lot of photos of Ferengi costumes and props and is definitely worth a look!) Here's the blog owner in the jumpsuit portion of the Nilva costume from Profit and Lace

Entries for multiple other outfits mention them too so it sounds like it was the norm. In hindsight it makes sense, even though it's another layer for costumes that were already fucking hot to work in. Ferengi fashion is jumpsuits and crop tops with vests and coats and shiny baubles layered on top. And I think that's great.

[section-69]

Why Is Quark Hot?

It's been driving me mad since I first watched the show. I'd seen Quark before on TNG, loved his cameos, but it wasn't until halfway through season two of DS9 that I let myself notice that Quark is hot. Logically, I feel like he should not be hot! He is a freaky little alien capitalist! But since I'm not alone, here's some reasons why. Warning: long post, I put way too much thought into this.

We like him so we're biased

This is the reason I see most often in fandom. We like Quark, so we find him hot. I think there's truth here - personally I started finding him hot during the episode Profit and Loss, where Quark takes the moral high ground and puts himself in danger to protect someone he loves. Maybe we're just used to Quark? Our brains say "hey that's Quark! We like Quark!" and some wires get crossed until we find him pretty. I think there's more to it though.

2. He's GNC AF

I'm not really talking about Profit and Lace, though I do like the episode for the most part. Quark learns pretty quickly how to be comfortable while presenting female, but he's also been GNC in other ways before. His taste in women tends to be strong, capable people who could easily slit his throat such as Natima Lang, Grilka, and Pel - far from the Ferengi ideal of a nude submissive housewife. His relationship with Pel before she came out as female, as well as whatever he's got going on with Odo, and even his attraction to Dax all makes him read as queer. He exhibits charitable impulses, regularly acts on them, even to the point that he loses profit himself - far from what you'd expect of a "true" Ferengi male. That might seem more of a culture thing than a gender thing, but especially since we're talking about aliens with very clearly defined gender roles here, I'm gonna say that gender Is culture. By subverting those roles, Quark reads as gender non conforming, which is - in my opinion - very sexy of him

3. Clear, sexy voice

Yes I know how deranged I sound. I do maintain that Quark's voice is attractive in general (especially when he's angry about something, like his "The line has to be drawn here" from The Dogs of War, and honestly all of his speeches. He's a good speaker), but I specifically mean in contrast to other Ferengi. All Ferengi have big teeth, and for most actors that creates an interesting speech effect. Quark also has this, but to a lesser extent than characters like Zek, Leck, and Brunt. Armin Shimmerman acts through the prosthetics very well, and it makes Quark easier to listen to than other Ferengi. Therefore, if you approach media like I do and meet each character on their own level, then Quark comes across as clear and well spoken - attractive qualities.

4. Confident

Look at all those other Ferengi males in their lobe enhancing headpieces. Quark is too confident for that. This could read as another GNC thing, but enough other Ferengi men forgo the headpiece, at least on occasion, for me to give it its own point. Quark knows he looks good, knows his lobes are big, knows he's a Ferengi without needing extra signifiers. Again, if you look at Quark As A Ferengi, and contrast him with the rest of his culture, he stands out as something special. Quark might not come across as pretty to other Ferengi, I don't know, but to me? To this biased human? Hot!

5. Wears makeup

From a human perspective, it looks like all Ferengi are wearing nail polish, and that does add to Quark's general sex appeal, but here I'm talking about something that sets him apart from other Ferengi, males and females - his red eyeshadow. I'd call it another GNC thing but he's never called out on it by other Ferengi men, so that's probably a human perspective, but it does show that Quark cares about his appearance and makes the effort to make himself look special. And it suits him! Man knows his colour palette.

6. Sharp dresser

Just look at the detail in his outfits! This goes for most Ferengi, they're a remarkably fashionable species, and it makes Quark look so put together! Look how cute he is in his little suits. I have nothing more to say on this, just look at him.

7. He's tall

Again, Ferengi standards, Quark has a few inches on other Ferengi. Part of that's his posture - most Ferengi tend to crouch while Quark stands tall and proud - but also he wouldn't seem hugely short by human standards if he wasn't in the show populated solely by giants. He'd be average on Voyager. I'm not saying that short kings aren't hot, but it makes him noticeable. It makes him special, compared to other Ferengi. It adds to his overall appeal.

8. We're told he's hot

Quark fucks. Canonically, Quark fucks. Quark fucks Cardassian fugitives, Klingon nobility, Ferengi businessmen (he also goes skinny dipping on Risa with Dr Bashir that one time, which frankly is its whole own post). Can you blame an audience for noticing, for wanting to get in on that? I am heavily biased, but I say we are not the freaks here. Quark's hot.

[osseous-lesion]

Icon

(ABOUT THE IMAGE: I’ve always really liked Ferengi fashion, so I wanted to draw some of that but based more in hooman fashion. I would 100% wear this. Also, the sunglasses go up to curve around his ears so they don’t just sit on his nose.)

[ID: A ferengi (a fictitious alien spices with large rounded ears and noses and oddly shaped, bald heads) from the franchise ‘Star Trek’ sits on a light orange background. He sits with his legs crossed, his right arm resting on his knees, and his left hand is placed out to balance him as he’s hunched over slightly. He wears sunglasses and is smiling, displaying his pointed teeth. He wears a very loose fitting colored sweater (pastel blue, with a square of green on the left shoulder and a small square of cyan below that) with a light pink turtle neck. His pants are hot pink with a strip of white going down them. He wears brown loafers and light pink socks. His nails are painted to match his pants.]

[kiranerysismyhero]

Homeric Epic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19807252

Jadzia drags Kira along on an odyssey on the holodeck

For @primatechnosynthpop on tumblr for the @sapphicstartrek fanwork exchange

“I do not believe you.”

Jadzia replied without turning. “No one asked you to believe anything, Worf. I was just letting you know that I’m busy this evening.”

“The major has expressed her disdain for the holosuites many times. She would not willingly join you again, especially after her experience in the Camelot program.” 

“Who said anything about willingly?” 

Jadzia smiled when she spotted Kira arriving at Ops. “Nerys! Perfect timing.”

“Oh?” Kira said, joining Dax at her station. “Why’s that?”

“You can tell Worf here that I did in fact get you to agree to join me in the holosuites tonight.” 

Kira sighed, but her expression wasn’t without mirth. “That’s right. Against my better judgement.” 

“Hey!” Jadzia turned to Kira, “I won fair and square and you know it.”

“Only because you violated the spirit of the rules!” Kira protested. “I spent all week fundraising the old-fashioned way, and you just spent a couple evenings playing Tongo and called your winnings ‘donations from the Ferengi waiters!’ You may have won the bet, but I wouldn’t call it fair and square.”

“Oh come on,” Jadzia argued. “Deep down, you wanted me to win anyway or you wouldn’t have taken the bet. You know I usually donate to the war orphan fund around this time of year anyway. That little spark of imagination within you just wanted an excuse to get some exercise.” 

Kira merely gave her a look. 

“If you two are finished bickering,” Worf interjected, “we have a meeting in the Wardroom in a few minutes.”

Jadzia turned. “We were not bickering.” 

“And even if we were,” Kira added, “what’s it to you?”

“We’ll make it to the meeting on time, don’t you worry.” There was a bit of playful condescension in Jadzia’s voice.

“I just meant-” Worf sighed. “I hate it when you two…” he gestured for the right words “...combine your sass.”

Jadzia smiled. “I suppose maybe we should save it for tonight.”

“I can hardly wait.” Kira’s voice was deadpan, but she wore a smile.

---

That evening Kira and Jadzia walked onto the turbolift as the next shift started their watch. 

“So,” Kira started, placing her hand on her hip, “are you going to tell me just what kind of holographic misadventure we’ll be having tonight?” 

“A classic from Earth, one of their foundational epics.” Jadzia mirrored Kira’s pose teasingly. “Don’t worry about the costume, I already picked up your toga from Garak.”

Kira eyed Jadzia with a bit of suspicion. “What’s a toga?” 

---

Kira was beginning to grow impatient with Jadzia’s absence. They were supposed to be running this program together, weren’t they? So why was it that Jadzia had decided to play some apparently minor character back on the island with all the narcotic fruits, if Kira and her crew were meant to leave that island and wash up here?

Speaking of Kira’s men, she didn’t much care for the holographic crew she’d been given. First she had to drag them all out of their lotus-induced stupor to get them back on track, and now they’d decided without her permission to raid this cave of the meat and cheese they found. She absently tangled her fingers in the wool of a sheep in one of several pens around the spacious cave. 

Kira was uneasy. The crew had insisted that the laws of hospitality would compel the person who lived here to grant them a gift that would aid them on their journey, but Kira had her doubts. By the look of the cave this dwelling belonged to someone or something rather large, and there was no guarantee that the occupant shared the same cultural rules of hospitality as her crew. 

As Kira rethought the plan to wait here to meet the homeowner, the ground began to shake with thunderous footsteps. The sunlight from the cave entrance was blocked out, the only remaining light the fire that had been lit by the now-quaking crew. A flock of sheep streamed through the darkened cave entrance, followed by whatever it was that cast a shadow so large. 

The gargantuan form, back turned, rolled a large stone into place at the mouth of the cave. With the only exit very much blocked and no idea what sort of giant creature it was whose food her men had helped themselves to, Kira felt anxiety pool in the pit of her stomach. At least the program was about to become a little more interesting than just trying to command a ship of buffoons, Kira mused. 

The figure turned slowly, standing up to its full height as it stepped closer to the light cast by the torches. It dropped the wood that it had been carrying with a crash that sent Kira’s men scrambling to hide. A voice like the rumbling of a volcano called out “Who is there?”

Kira took in the looming form before her. It was dirty, a bit lumpy, and approximately fourteen feet tall but the trail of spots from the bare feet to the misshapen temples were unmistakable, as was the twinkle in the big, singular blue eye. 

“Jadzia? How are you doing that?” Kira marveled. 

Jadzia switched back to her normal voice, albeit in a stage-whisper. “Imagination, remember? Don’t pull yourself out of the story!” 

Kira gave Jadzia a look that made it clear that she wasn’t moving forward without an explanation.

“Fine, technically I’m in a sectioned-off area of the holosuite controlling the cyclops through VR. It’s a hologram that just looks like me. Well, fourteen feet of me.” Even with teeth like mossy boulders Jadzia’s smile was charming. “Now back into character!” 

Her voice boomed out “Who are you?” 

Kira rolled her eyes but adjusted her posture to that of a brave leader speaking on behalf of her men. “We are Greeks, and come from Troy. We’re trying to return home, but adverse winds blew us ashore.”

---

Kira stood tied to the mast of her ship as her crew worked around her, wax plugging their ears. They had been warned of an island ahead on their journey where Sirens lured men to their deaths with irresistible song. Kira just knew Jadzia would be one of them. She had made sure that her men wouldn’t be drawn in by the siren call but her own ears would remain unplugged. Only, she wasn’t just curious to hear the Siren. She was ready to give her a piece of her mind. 

“First you were a hippy Lotus-Eater that helped drug my crew, then you were huge freakin’ Polyphemus and ate everyone, then you… ugh, I swear you picked this program specifically so you could frustrate me!” The fire in Kira’s eyes was giving Jadzia life, though admitting as much would get her in even more hot water with her irritated friend. 

“No,” smirked Jadzia in Siren form. “I just thought you’d look great in a toga.” 

Jadzia didn’t look bad in one herself, Kira thought. For this character Dax hadn’t used any fancy holographic tricks, save for a bit of a glowing aura that only accentuated her natural beauty. 

Not that that was the point Kira wanted to focus on right now, she reminded herself. 

“If you had to pick an old ‘Earth epic’” Kira punctuated the term with finger quotes, a difficult feat with her arms pinned to her sides, “you could have at least had us be on the same side.”

“But that would take the fun out of thwarting you again and again.” Jadzia’s grin made Kira want to ‘thwart’ her right in the face. 

“You said I would like this program better than Camelot because it’s about my character trying to get home to his beloved wife, who is meanwhile using all her tricks to keep suitors off her back and stay faithful...” 

Jadzia nodded. “No kissing of married women.” 

“... and yet here you are trying to seduce me, a married man!”

“It’s the nature of my kind,” Jadzia shrugged. “You resisted Circe well enough, you honorable hero. Besides, if it really bothered you, you could have plugged your ears like the rest of the crew.” Jadzia’s voice grew sultry. “My dear Odysseus, one might think you wanted me to seduce you.” 

A heat grew in Kira’s stomach as a blush formed on her cheeks. “Your choice of holoprogram,” Kira objected, “has cast you to pursue me twice now. Maybe you’re the one who wants the seduction to happen.”

“Yet you haven’t ended the program, or attacked anyone you’re not supposed to.” Jadzia pointed out. “You may object to the Siren calling to Odysseus, but maybe you don’t mind me pursuing you.”

“Maybe I’m exercising my imagination!” Kira spat back with a bit too much bluster. “Like what I’d like to do to you if I weren’t tied to this mast!”

Jadzia completely sidestepped the threat, purring “Maybe I should come aboard ship and find out exactly what you would like to do to me.”

“Maybe you should!”

Jadzia stepped off the island, her footsteps gliding across the water as she made her way to the ship. Within a few moments she stood on the deck face-to-face with Kira, who pulled at her bonds to lean closer to Jadzia. 

“Maybe I should untie you,” Jadzia murmured.

“Or maybe you could just kiss me already!” 

Jadzia couldn’t help but smile at the genuine impatience in Kira’s voice. Leaning in closer so that her lips were a breath away from Kira’s ear, she cupped Nerys’s chin with her right hand and whispered “Okay.”

Their kiss was long and deep. Kira’s senses were overwhelmed as the taste of Jadzia mingled with the brisk fresh smell of the sea air. Maybe the holosuites had their merits after all. 

“You know, this isn’t how the program is supposed to play out.” Jadzia smiled, breathless as she pulled back a millimeter. 

Kira wore a smirk as she went in for another kiss. “You know I like to make up my own endings.” 

[cyrelia-j]

[ficlet] #2 Menage a Triage (Jack/Julian)

So going off this post I decided to go ahead with the next drabble/ficlet series.

Check the tag “the new jj frontier” for all of these. I'm aiming to go strictly chronologically and will add links to all the parts so it's easier to keep track and reread or catch up. #1

Summary: Jack and Julian grew up together in the Institute, fell in love, and got married. As part of an experimental program Julian [a success story!] was allowed to join Starfleet and was assigned as CMO of Deep Space Nine as a test run along with his husband Jack (who’s still struggling to find his place). This is their story.

In this installment, Julian tells the story of their marriage

Pairing: Jack/Julian though there will be G/B/J in some fashion later

Warnings: None yet but a note that they do have a semi open relationship

Notes: In addition to retelling the series, I also wanted to explore Jack and Julian’s relationship as it changes. I like seeing how old expectations and habits can grow stronger through change and conflict. Jack in this story does still have a lot more issues than Julian, and I wanted to explore Jack coming into his own more as an individual instead of just the “Julian’s husband”/dependent role where he starts. 

“I think that’s the last of them,” Julian says with a breath and a smile. It was more than he was expecting his first day on the job but he actually did it! Actually succeeded, actually did some good for the file, with a capital G as he imagines Jack would say. He wipes his forehead giving Nurse Jabara a smile. They hadn’t much time for pleasantries following the attack on the station and he always preferred to have Jack there as his floating note, his memory, his second set of eyes but Jack was unusually insistent on wandering and as much as it worried him, he watched Jack go off with the Major without another word.

He’d caught a few glimpses of him throughout the day with the ever present PADD, noting, moving debris, counting every anxious cross of his arms, hunch of his shoulders with a pang of unease because no matter how many times Jack told him that he could handle himself, he worried. He was sure to include in the file (and he double and triple checked as cross as Jack was with him) that they understood that Jack might need a few special accommodations. Still, he has a job to do and he smiles at Nurse Jabara (who’s certainly easy to smile at!) and begins cleanup.

He enjoyed listening to her talking about her family, as strained as life was under the occupation, as difficult as it was to practice medicine and he opened up himself about The Institute, about what it was life to live as an Augment, to lack the freedom of living in the freest society in the galaxy. Jack tended to be more bitter about it but Julian… tried to understand. He supposed he would be bitter too if their positions were reversed and he wasn’t allowed to go off on his own without a keeper.

Alright, that was a bit unkind. Julian is Jack’s husband, not his keeper and he finds himself telling the story of their wedding- that is the first wedding with a smile.

“It was a bit of a mess actually but really it was the most wonderful sort of mess. They ah… were concerned about us marrying which is silly because we weren’t children, and we had you know, been together for a long time. They said we didn’t know what we were doing that they couldn’t allow it so we broke out.” Julian always grins at that part remembering the both of them in black dramatic like two cat burglars stealing out, hacking into the security systems and stowing away on a transport after altering the ship’s manifest. “The difficult part was the matter of identification but we found a place, I think the captain might have had a bit of pity for us because he showed us to one of the backrooms of this bar at the next stationwhere an old Ferengi would marry anyone for a few slips of latinum and well our reflexes are faster than average so we may have lifted what we needed but well…”

Julian shrugs his shoulders followed with that smile which Jack says is good bait in that Jack way of complimenting that still always makes Julian feel stupid happy. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the story and not let his thoughts wander to the night before they were discovered, when Jack in one of his “hot” moments decided that they should Absolutely consummate their nuptials as thoroughly as physics allowed (especially since they had to sneak any real intimacy in The Institute), and Julian realized quite amazingly that both of them had stamina for brilliant bloody days.

Julian sometimes teases Jack for being like a Vulcan and only going into heat every seven years which Jack inevitably and pedantically always corrects his “ignorant misconception” and reminds him that Vulcans have perfectly routine patterns of intercourse outside of Pon farr, and then castigates him for repeating the same silly routine. But he still follows it up with long kisses for his “hopeless Bashir” (because Jack is always in the mood to kiss him following a few reflexive little nips)

But Julian leaves all of that out, because he’s found in this dance that there’s a fine line in showing that he and Jack have a loving and happy marriage (and this isn't one of those awful "my spouse doesn't understandme" sort of things) and gushing so much that any prospective partner wonders why he’s even making the proposition to begin with. Instead, he finishes the story as he always does (and who would have thought the “how we got married” story would be such a perfect date bait!) and asks the lovely nurse if she’d like to get to know him better over a spot of tea since they’ll be working together so closely.

He reminds himself after that frosty look and cool refusal to find out a little more about Bajoran social customs...

[nalufever]

Play Time

‘Play Time'

Modern AU

Words: 1039

Rating: mature, shenanigans ~ meant for adult audiences over the age of consent!

Written from a Tumblr ask (given to me in 2 asks, and I’m just not tech savvy enough to show both of’em) - handsy, possessive Natsu and a receptive Lucy.  For:  @celestialgeekmage  Hope you enjoy!

"Yes, Captain?"

Natsu Dragneel stood there, hands jammed into his pants pockets. The youngest humanoid to earn that rank in the United Federation eyed the woman. Blushing at his attention, she tugged down her scandalous short skirt. He grinned; wide and guileless, quite the panty melter. "You're our newest crewmember, aren't you?" He stroked his chin and nodded. "Ph.D.'s in astrophysics, ancient languages, and engineering."

"I'm flattered you've read my resume." Self-consciously, she tucked a loose strand of her ornate coif behind an ear. "I did my homework on your distinguished career as soon as I received my commission." Her thick lashes fluttered as she studied the tips of her shoes. "You've earned almost every medal the Federation gives out for bravery."

"-And?" Natsu gave Lucy an expectant look. "Like we practiced, how does that make you feel?"

Doing her best to keep from rolling her eyes, Lucy thrust out her chest. In a much more exaggerated tone of pandering voice, she continued as if Natsu hadn't prompted her. "You're so strong and brave! What big muscles you have! You make me feel so safe!" Now licking her lips and swaying her hips as she minced closer, Lucy made bedroom eyes at Natsu. She winked and kicked her shoes into opposite corners of the room.

In a haze of lust, Natsu reached out. Quick as a Ferengi short-changing a customer, he pulled her close and clutched her butt. Voice gravelly with burning desire, he purred, "I can make you feel lots of things."

Lucy was eminently glad Natsu couldn't currently see her face. She was hard pressed to keep her mirth and embarrassment from showing. Falling back on her amazing memory, Lucy said the next thing on her script. "Would you? Show me the stars, you incredibly sexy, virile and incredible man!"

Like the sex god he was, the moment Natsu plunged his fingers into her hair and stared into her eyes, Lucy melted. In those electric moments where his lips hovered over hers, Lucy feared her heart would jack-hammer free of her ribcage.

With infinite care and tenderness, Natsu kissed Lucy. He brushed his lips against hers, coaxing her mouth open. All languid energy; his tongue explored, a slow marauding siege of her wet cavern.

Lucy, no shrinking violet - panted and whimpered. Into the hot kiss they shared, she begged. "Touch me."

An animalist grunt later and Natsu hoisted Lucy onto his body, shapely legs wrapped tight around his hips. Greedy hands massaged her backside. Each generous globe of her ass cheeks was a delightful handful. Wanting - no, needing - needing more, Natsu carried his sexy burden to the bed.

Knowing what was next, Lucy tensed. Natsu was hella sexy, but he still had his immature side.

With a wet pop, he released his lip lock and tossed Lucy onto the bed. "Where do you need my touch?"

Lucy ghosted her hands over her barely covered breasts. "Everywhere."

In dramatic fashion, Natsu flung off his gold Captain's shirt. He smirked before crossing his arms and subtly flexing his muscles. "How bad do you want it?"

Mentally cringing again, Lucy ran the tip of her tongue over her top lip. "So bad I'll die if you don't give me what I need right now!"

Natsu toed off his boots and shucked the rest of his clothes in short order. He swarmed onto the bed, coming to rest on his knees, looking at Lucy with supreme confidence and lust. "I'll give you what you need all right, all night long!"

"Take me!" Lucy had to close her eyes and clench her teeth shut to prevent herself from laughing. Good thing Natsu always got super into his role. His ardent lovemaking was enough to make her forget the stupid role-playing beginnings.

Natsu slid a hand up her left thigh and the other found her right breast. Squeezing the flesh he'd found, Natsu grinned. "There's nothing sexier than consent." Abruptly he swooped down to give Lucy a scorching hot kiss. This time, his tongue action was dominant and forceful.

Lucy writhed. No matter the scenario, Natsu was brilliant in bed. Cosplaying Star Trek, Harry Potter or even Gilligan's Island; the man had moves. Even more glad she'd forgone wearing underwear, Lucy thrust her hips up.

Natsu adjusted his position. Effortlessly, he sank into Lucy's wet warmth. She gasped at the welcome intrusion. He mimicked with his tongue the motions his hardened length was making. Faster and faster, he rocked in and out of nirvana.

Mindless, Lucy babbled nonsense. Her legs tightened around Natsu's hips, heels digging into the small of his back.

Wanting to make their lovemaking last, Natsu slowed. Lucy shuddered and sighed - not able to voice her disappointment.

Natsu, balls deep inside of Lucy, stopped moving. "I love you." He smiled to see her eyes snap open. "D'you know how much?"

Mute, Lucy shook her head.

"More than Vulcans love logic." He laughed as Lucy growled at him.

"Way to keep in character, but I'm not done - you're not done. What are you doing?"

Natsu gave Lucy a wicked smile. "I know how you hate it when I pop out of you. Making sure when I move, that doesn't happen." He rolled their bodies. Triumphant at staying inside of his lover, Natsu grinned. "Time for you to take control."

Happy to ride pillion, Lucy rose and sank upon the rigid flesh inside of her. Harder, rougher, Lucy ground against Natsu. Breath heaving, flesh slapping, Lucy tensed. The friction against her g-shot triggered a massive orgasm. Heedless of the poor soundproofing her apartment had, Lucy screamed her pleasure.

Scant seconds later; Natsu grunted, spurting his release. He captured Lucy tight in an embrace and nuzzled her neck. "Love you."

"Love you too." Lucy collapsed onto Natsu's chest. "Imma send Dan Straight a thank you note."

"What?"

Lucy hissed, that yelp had been into an ear. "Silly! If he hadn't made you so jealous, tonight wouldn't have been so fierce."

"Mmmphf."

"Don't be like that." Lucy breathed moist hot breath into Natsu's ear. "I'll let you pick the next scenario."

"Yeah?" Natsu couldn't help the eager puppy dog tone. "You mean it?"

Lucy purred with satisfaction. "Hells yeah."

A/N: Don't be afraid to let me know what y'all think. Complaints, criticisms, helpful pointers - feedback would be delightful.   Tag Squad:  @impracticaldemon @rocktqueen @eliz1369 @soprana-snap @unashamed-shipper @ftfanfics @fic-writer-appreciation ~ want in or out of the tag squad? It’s cool - just tell me!

[gatewaygeek]

Jim could practically feel Spock’s level of uncomfort rising, and he was from across the room. 

But the Gangorian ambassador’s got his hand on Spock’s shoulder, gently trailing his hand down to Spock’s elbow, making bedroom eyes at his First Officer, and Jim couldn’t help but be a little jealous.

Yes, he was fully aware that Spock was a tall glass of water on a hot day, of course he knew that, he was Jim Kirk, for God’s sake. But Spock was the first person he’d gotten all flustered around, and he had to play it off. He couldn’t be straightforward, like this ambassador, because he knew it would be like this. But the Gangorian didn’t seem to mind that Spock was uncomfortable, and maybe it was because Spock knew the peace treaty was on unsteady ground (to put it lightly), and he thought he just had to accept it. 

Well, not if Jim could say anything about it. 

“Excuse me,” Jim said, flashing a smile to the Ferengi ambassador, then making his way over to Spock. He wrapped an arm around Spock’s waist, and pecked his cheek. “Hey, honey.” Spock looked at him, face unreadable, but eyes questioning. Jim looked to the Gangorian. “Hi, I’m Jim Kirk.” He set down his drink on a nearby table, and offered his hand. “Spock’s husband.” The Gangorian’s hand was off Spock in an instant, instead shaking Jim’s. Spock leaned in a little timidly, brushing his lips against Jim’s temple. He knew it was because Spock had to show affection, but he couldn’t deny the butterflies in his belly.

“It is pleasant to meet you, Jim Kirk. But, if you’ll excuse me…” The Gangorian left them, and Spock looked to Jim, but notably didn’t step out of his embrace. 

“Husband, Captain?” 

“Thought you needed to be rescued.”

“Thoughtful. But seeing as the ambassador is spreading the news of our marriage, we must now… keep up the charade, as your people say.” Jim looked around, and he read the Gangorian’s lips, and he sure was. 

“Well, I could think of worse people who I’d want to marry,” Jim said, voice a little dismissive, as if the very idea didn’t make him want to gush like a middle schooler.

“I can concur with that statement,” Spock murmured. “But is it not traditional to wear wedding bands?”

“I mean, it’s a little old fashioned, but if you want, sure.” 

“It is a good precaution, should either of us be caught alone, and wish to ward off any unwanted advances.” Jim smiled a little.

“Logical as ever, Mister Spock. I’ll have Scotty beam some down. If you’ll excuse me, sweetheart.” He pecked Spock’s cheek once more, his own dusting a faint scarlet as he stepped out into the corridor, and pulled out his communicator. “Kirk to Enterprise.”

“Enterprise here, Captain,” Scotty’s voice came.

“I need you to do me a favor, and don’t question it, okay?”

“What is it, Captain?”

“I need you to replicate and beam down two wedding bands to my location.”

“…Aye, Captain.” 

“Thanks, Scotty. Kirk out.” He closed the communicator and pocketed it, and soon, two silver bands materialized before him. He picked them up, and noticed engraving on the insides of them. The larger said My mind to your mind… the smaller said …My thoughts to your thoughts. Dammit, Scotty, Jim thought to himself, blushing darkly before putting on the larger ring. Collecting himself, he walked back into the room and located Spock, whose eyes fell on Jim almost immediately. Jim made his way over, Spock extending his forefingers to him. Jim met them, remembering Sarek and Amanda doing something similar. He gave Spock the ring, who quickly read the engraving, and blushed faintly before slipping it onto his left ring finger. 

This certainly was going to be an interesting few days.

–

At the end of the day, both the Vulcan and the Human were exhausted. They walked to the hotel desk, having resorted to just holding hands, as it was easier than holding their arms up, and both had forgotten to let go when they were alone.

“Enterprise,” He told the desk worker, who quickly typed it in, and nodded.

“Single room, king sized bed?” She asked.

“…Yes,” Jim said, far too tired to argue.

“Wonderful. You have room 307, Sirs.” She handed them two keys, and Spock took them before leading the tired human toward the elevator. Jim’s feet were aching with each step, all he wanted to do was take a hot shower and climb into bed. Jim found himself leaning against Spock as they rode up, hands still tangled together, eyes half-way closed when the doors opened once more. They walked down the hall, opened their door, and walked through to see their suitcases next to the door. Jim collected his pajamas and walked to the bathroom as Spock went to meditate.

Jim stripped down and stepped into the shower, sighing happily. This hotel had the nice showers - the ones with water instead of sonic showers. He could stay in here for an hour without getting a headache from the vibrations. It was only when he looked down did he notice he was still wearing his ‘wedding ring’. 

God. Married. And to Spock, no less. This must have been a dream come true, even if it wasn’t technically real. But this ring was evidence of otherwise. Jim smiled when he imagined him and Spock having a wedding, dancing, drinking, having fun… and then going back to the hotel the next time and really having some fun. Jim couldn‘t deny his body’s interest at the idea. But it wasn’t appropriate, Spock was in the next room over meditating, with super hearing. His friend. His First Officer. No, Jim was better than this. This would be a regular shower. Jim nodded a little, and reached for the shampoo.

…

I wonder if Vulcans like having their ears touched.

Well, so much for ‘regular shower’, because suddenly Jim was touching, and his eyes were sliding closed, and his other hand came over his mouth to force himself to be quiet. He made quick work of it, heart racing and hand pumping, cheeks flushed bright red as his breathing became more and more labored until he met completion, thighs shaking. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears as it returned to his brain.

Little did he know, Spock himself had failed in his meditation, for a rather similar situation.

–

“You two were pretty loud last night. I heard you through the wall.” The words had come from the Bajoran ambassador, and both Spock and Jim paled.

“You did?” They asked in unison. The ambassador laughed softly.

“No, I didn’t, but I got you, didn’t I?” The two both suffocated relieved sighs. It was then that clicks and flashes came from the entrance of the room, and Jim and Spock shared a look of confusion.

“Who’s that? I thought everyone was here already?” Jim asked.

“Oh, you didn’t hear? The Vulcan Ambassador and his wife RSVP’d last minute.” Jim’s grip on Spock’s hand tightened, dread and fear filling him to the brim.

Sarek and Amanda.

Spock’s fucking parents. 

“I see,” Jim spoke, hoping he didn’t sound like he’d been socked in the gut, because he sure as hell felt like it. 

“I must greet them. It was nice to meet you, James and Spock.” The Bajoran smiled and walked to the front of the room, and Jim was already pulling Spock to the back of the room and pouring himself a drink.

“It is 10 AM, Jim,” Spock said.

“You want one?” Jim asked.

“…Please.” Jim poured him a glass and handed it to him, lifting his own and promptly swallowed the drink in one go as he heard Amanda’s voice.

“Spock, Jim!” She said excitedly. The human turned, and put on a fake smile.

“Hi, Amanda.” She walked forward and hugged Jim tightly. Jim hesitantly hugged back.

“I’m so happy for you two!” She exclaimed, pulling back from the hug. “I told Sarek that it was gonna happen someday! You two are so cute together!” 

“You did?” Spock asked, at the same time that Jim had asked; “We are?”

“Yes! Sarek, come congratulate your son!” The tall, brooding Vulcan made his way over to the trio.

“I am pleased to witness how your relationship has evolved.” Jim couldn’t breathe.

“Thank you,” Jim said. Amanda gently squeezed Jim’s shoulder, still beaming.

“Though, I wish we could have found out sooner. We would have brought a wedding gift.”

“It was… rather spontaneous,” Spock replied.

“You eloped? I never knew you were so spur-of-the-moment, Spock.”

“I am not. But… I found that I did not want to wait. I am… content with Jim.” James couldn’t help the color that rose to his cheeks, and he looked down bashfully, smiling.

“I knew you were a secret romantic. Just like your father.” Sarek squinted at Amanda, who winked. “Tonight, we’re taking you two to dinner. On us.” 

“Mother-”

“Hush! I don’t want any of that ‘there is no need’ nonsense. You got married, Spock, you are getting dinner.” Spock looked resigned… and maybe a little happy.

“Yes, mother.” Amanda’s smile softened, and she placed a hand on Spock’s cheek.

“You’ve really grown up, kanbu…” Spock gently held his mother’s hand, and damn near smiled. Or maybe Jim was just getting better at reading Spock. “I am so proud of you.”

“I am thankful.” 

“Amanda, we have other ambassadors to greet,” Sarek spoke up, and Amanda nodded a little. She kissed Spock’s forehead (Jim noted that Spock bent down for her a little, and his heart fluttered), and left to walk with Sarek toward a certain Gangorian ambassador.

“Oh dear,” Jim sighed, looking to Spock. “We just lied to your parents.”

“...Indeed we did.” Spock just took his hand, and they began to mingle once more.

--

The dinner left Jim stuffed. He was going to be in the gym the next few weeks working off that meal alone. Spock went to the bathroom to change, giving Jim the room to change in. Jim gave a sigh of relief when he pulled off his shirt, then pulling on an old t-shirt (the once bold red color had faded, the once solid white logo of a surfer in an oval, the word ‘California’ above it, and the words ‘The Wedge’ below now looking pink, thin, and cracked). Jim took off his shoes and socks, setting them beside the door and putting on gym shorts. He normally didn’t wear pants to bed, and couldn’t sleep in them, but he didn’t want to make Spock uncomfortable, so he was sure to always put on the black shorts. Jim took out his contacts haphazardly, tossing them into the trashcan and putting on a pair of rather thick reading glasses. He slipped under the covers, grabbing his PADD and sending a message to the Enterprise, telling them that everything was okay. His ring glinted in the light of the lamp. Technically, he didn’t have to keep it on. But he rather liked the way it looked, and he honestly had forgotten it was there, and being able to act on some of his affection for Spock was... incredible. He thought this event would be boring and straight forward, but he found it to be one of the best experiences of his life.

He hoped Spock did, too.

Spock walked out of the bathroom in his sleeping robes. They were long, black, and thick. Jim couldn’t imagine that the wore much beneath it, but he threw the thought out the window before it created a problem. Spock silently slipped into bed beside Jim, and Jim turned off his PADD and set it aside, then turned off the lamp. Jim laid on his back, Spock, on his side, facing away from Jim. And even though Jim was, indeed, exhausted, he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Amanda and Sarek. They’d lied to them, and it wasn’t a simple lie. It wasn’t one they could just say ‘Ha! Gotcha!’ and then everyone would have a good laugh and move on.

Amanda liked him. She liked him a lot. Sarek approved of them together. What the hell were they gonna do?

“Spock,” Jim finally spoke up. “Are you awake?”

“Yes, Captain.”

Jim turned onto his side, facing Spock, “We lied to your parents, Spock. They think we’re married. We are kinda obligated to now see them outside of this event.” Spock turned toward Jim, face a shadow as the moonlight backlit him. Jim was sure his face was clear as day.

“The logical option is to terminate this relationship.” Jim’s heart stuttered. Something on his face must have shown that, and Spock rose an eyebrow. “Is there another option, Captain?” Jim’s heart stuttered once more, now for a different reason. 

It’s not like their situation could get much worse.

“Yeah, I can think of one.” Spock’s eyes glinted with realization.

His voice was a little gravelly when he spoke, “Please, share.” Jim moved closer, placing two fingers beneath Spock’s chin, and kissed him, gently. Nothing too fast, nothing too hard. He wanted to show Spock that he was first and foremost a loving partner. And then Spock started kissing back.

And then that changed, real quick.

The next thing Jim knew, he had the Vulcan between his legs, hands on his knees. Hands gripped, grasped, pulled, pushed, and cradled. Hips met, ground, and snapped together. Thighs bruised, muscles flexed, eyes closed, and fingernails dug. Lips kissed, teeth bit, mouths met and pulled away and parted open to release cries of soulmates at love. 

And then the sunrays were peeking through the window, and Jim was waking up cuddled against Spock’s chest, strong arms wound around him. He met Spock’s tired eyes when he glanced up, and Jim smiled. Neither said a word as they unwound, showered, and got dressed, hands clasping together like opposite charged magnets. 

Yes, they lied. They lied to a lot of important people, including Spock’s family. They fooled a room full of the smartest and most politically powered people in the universe into believing they were married, because of that sleazy Gangorian ambassador who came onto Jim Kirk’s crush far too aggressively, and yes, neither knew how they were going to pull it off when Sarek and Amanda got involved, and most of all, yes, this was not how it was supposed to go.  

But, no. No, they did not regret it. Not one second of it.

I have a little prompt: in order to get Spock out of a sticky and uncomfortable situation during some diplomatic event Jim slides in and introduces himself as Spock's husband. Spock plays along rather enthusiastically. They have to maintain the charade for several days but then Embassador Sarek and his wife show up as well...

I love you and your sense of humor I’m gonna get started on this right now, anon.