#hot crazy dentist | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

giuseppe-yuki · 2 months ago

Text

anesthesia

kimi antonelli x tiger shapeshifter!reader

w.c.: 2.3k

warnings: none, really.

part of my shapeshifter!reader spinoff series

summary: kimi + anesthesia? not a good combo.

photo credits from pinterest :)

in the spacey kitchen of kimi‘s family house, you bustled around with your boyfriend‘s mother, preparing the night‘s dinner- homemade gnocchi. both of you chatted idly as you waited for the lightly salted water to boil on the stove- it had to reach a certain temperature to be considered hot enough to put the pain-stakingly hand rolled gnocchi in.

however, your peaceful moment was ruined when kimi busted though the kitchen doorway with a thin piece of paper in his hand.

he clears his throat, wrinkling the paper in nervousness.

you wipe your floury hands on a wet rag and hurry over to kimi. you didn‘t want to assume the worst, but what if he was hurt? did something happen at the mercedes facilities? gently putting your hand on his arm to comfort him, you question kimi. “are you okay, baby? what’s wrong?”

thrusting the paper onto the dirty counter so both you and his mother can see, he explains. ”so…i just went to my dentist and he said i might have to have my wisdom teeth removed- like tomorrow afternoon.“

you huff in exasperation, lightly shoving your boyfriend aside in a joking manner. ”kimi! you had me worried for a second!“

he rolls his eyes.

his mother laughs, having just finished reading the appointment overview. ”no, mia cara, he‘s just scared because he has to be put under anesthesia!“

kimi’s eyes widen, and he hurriedly tries to stop his mother from saying anything else. ”mamma, no!”

kimi’s mother just bats her son‘s hands away. smiling at you as if sharing a secret, she continues on. “last time kimi had to be put under anesthesia was when he broke his arm in a kart crash, and let’s just say- he went a little crazy.“

you had never seen kimi so nervous before. not during your first date, not during the negotiations period with toto, and not even in the moments before doing fp1 in a formula 1 car for the first time ever!

kimi twiddled his thumbs and adjusted his seat every two seconds as you drove him to the dentist office in your custom mini cooper.

keeping your eyes on the twisty roads of italy, you reach over with one hand to squeeze his hand. “it‘s alright, kimi,” you comfort, “i‘m sure the procedure will go fine! and, if you are scared of the anesthesia, don‘t be. everything will be okay.“

everything was actually not okay.

it started when the dentist’s assistant had fetched you from the nicely decorated waiting room of the dentist office.

“you are his… girlfriend, correct?” the assistant asks, flipping through a manila folder neatly labeled as ‘antonelli, andrea kimi’.

you nod, trailing behind the woman in light blue scrubs through the maze-like hallways.

“great!” she exclaims, opening a fancy white door and gesturing inside. “your boyfriend is here.”

when you walk in, kimi was slung over a dentist chair, eyes half closed and mouth stuffed to the brim with white gauze. his head lolled backwards and he was subconsciously twitching his fingers. even so, you applauded his ability to look so adorable under such conditions. you walk towards the chair, which was placed smack dab in the middle of the room next to some glistening metal tools and a big dental light that was shining directly into kimi’s face.

a lady in a white lab coat approaches you before you can talk to your boyfriend, hand out. “hello, you must be kimi’s girlfriend!” she says, beaming at you and enthusiastically shaking your hand. “i’m glad to say that the operation was a success!” letting go of your hand and scribbling something down on a piece of paper, she continues on. “i do have to say though, we did administer anesthesia in order to keep him comfortable for the procedure. he will be a little disoriented- ”

before the doctor could finish her sentence, kimi roughly pushes himself up from the dentist chair, glaring at you.

“WHO are YOU?!” he shouts, voice a little muffled by the gauze in his mouth. “get AWAY from me- i have a girlfriend!”

you look at him in disbelief. beside you, the doctor and the nurse muffle their laughter.

“this is normal- usually the anesthesia lasts for a few hours, and he’ll be back to his regular self in no time!” the nurse explains.

you turn around to kimi aggressively punching the air around you, but missing every time.

“im warning you!” he slurs, “if you don’t get away from me, my girlfriend is gonna- is gonna eat you!”

the dental assistant and dentist both raise a brow at kimi’s lowkey concerning words, but brush it off as another side effect of the anesthesia.

“shut up, kimi!” you hiss in his ear, now trying your best to haul him out of the door in his disoriented state.

he seems to cooperate with you momentarily from the operating room to the parking lot outside, until you reach your mini cooper.

“EWWWW!” he yells at the top of his lungs, causing several other people in the parking lot to look over. “I CANNOT BE SEEN IN A MINI COOPER! I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH MERCEDES.”

you slap your hand over his mouth, quickly mouthing sorrys to the people who probably had their eardrums explode from kimi’s screech.

“kimi,” you reprimand. “you have to be quiet! we are in a public space and you are disrupting other people. now, you get inside the car right now.”

he grumbles, but slowly stumbles his way into the passenger seat.

you softly close his door and hop into your driver’s seat, sighing in exasperation. perhaps his mother was right. he did get a little crazy under anesthesia. maybe you should have called ollie for backup.

after a bit of a struggle putting on kimi’s seatbelt, (he seemed to think it was a snake trying to strangle him) you back up from your parking spot and slowly make your way to the exit of the plaza.

in the passenger seat, reclined all the way back with his feet on the dash like a passenger princess, kimi promptly bursts into tears.

trying not to get hit by a random dude in a light blue vespa, you can only spare glances at kimi thrashing around in his seat like an eel, the only thing stopping him from flipping into the center console was the seat belt.

“what??” you exclaim, head turning back and forth trying to see what’s possibly wrong with your boyfriend while also focusing on the road. “is there something wrong, kimi?”

“yes!!” he sniffles, wiping the streams of tears of his face. “you called me kimi and that’s not my name! my name is andrea. apologize right now!”

good god, you think, feeling peeved. you couldn’t wait until his anesthesia wore off.

putting on your best apologetic face, you quickly apologize. “okay, i am so sorry for that, andrea. how should i make it up to you?”

just like you flipped a switch, he immediately stops crying. “yay! thank you!” he says giddily, kicking his legs. “how about you get me ice cream??”

you don’t have to think twice before accepting his offer. the night before, you had researched a little bit about wisdom teeth surgery aftercare, and apparently ice cream was really good for you. besides, you felt like you deserved a treat after using so much energy to drag kimi out of the dental clinic.

you reroute to the nearest ice cream shop, and kimi thankfully stays silent for most of the car ride, but occasionally messed with the seat adjustment buttons a few more times than you thought was necessary.

however, ten minutes to ice cream shop, at a stoplight, kimi suddenly jolts from his position looking out the window. a shiny silver mercedes g-wagon sits glistening in the sun next to your tiny mini cooper.

as if he just had neuron activation, he snaps his head towards you. “hey! you! did you know, i am a formula 1 driver for mercedes?”

the light turns green, so you step on it, the g wagon following at the same acceleration as you.

“umm, yes! i do know that actually,” you say, navigating to the left-most lane.

your boyfriend giggles mischievously, even though nothing was funny in the first place. “well,” he drawls out, holding up one finger. “i actually know how to drive very good. i can show you if you want?”

before you have a chance to react, your boyfriend grasps your steering wheel and yanks it aggressively to the right, almost running you into the expensive g-wagon.

“kimi- i mean andrea! do not do that! ” you screech, prying his fingers off of the wheel and hurriedly correcting the car before it can cause any damage to any other vehicles on the road.

he laughs and claps his hands at the g-wagon honking its horn at you, as if he didn’t just almost create a five car pileup in the middle of the road.

thankfully, the rest of time goes smoothly without any incidents. well that is, until you got into the shop.

“what flavor do you want, andrea?” you question, putting emphasis on the ‘andrea’ part. you did not feel like dealing with a breakdown just because you called him by the nickname that literally everyone called him.

“stracciatella!!” he trills, twirling in a circle.

ignoring the strange looks from other customers in the store, you place your and kimi’s orders, collect them, and snatch a comfortable looking bench outside of the store to eat your ice cream.

of course, half-way through shoveling his ice cream into his mouth, (he smeared at least a fourth of his ice cream on his shirt) he decides that his memories of you would disappear again like it did in the dentist office, and he starts yelling bloody murder.

“EEEEEEEE!” he announces to every passerby in a five mile radius, jumping up and down while waving his arms. “i do NOT know this woman! she is trying to kidnap me!”

you place your ice cream down next to you, snatch his flailing arms and shove him a tad roughly back onto the bench. “so sorry!” you shout to onlookers. “he’s under anesthesia right now- wisdom teeth removal!” your line seems to work, as no bystanders call the police on you, but he still continues to yell.

you try every possible method you can think of, like begging him to stop screaming, trying to bribe him, and attempting to drag him to your car, but none of the above work, and he kept insisting that he didn’t know you.

having no choice but to use your last resort, you make sure assure kimi that you will be right back (not that he particularly cared in this mindset) and dashed into a side street.

padding quickly out of the alley by the ice cream shop, you approach kimi. he reacts exactly how you hoped he would- eyes widening in realization and a smile lighting up his face- a direct opposite of his suspicious glares and nasty side-eyes from before.

“baby!” he shrieks, stumbling a bit towards you before clutching onto your fur. “i missed you soooo much!”

you wrap your tail around his body protectively to steady him, so he doesn’t fall.

“i’m glad you’re here,” he mumbles, petting you. “because a really weird lady literally tried to kidnap me! can you even believe that?”

you practically roll your eyes. he didn’t recognize you in your human form, but he did in your tiger form? unbelieveable.

carefully, you unwind your tail and softly nudge kimi onto your back. once you are sure he is secure on your back, you wind through several gaping tourists and an annoyed looking old nonna on the cobblestone street towards the parking lot. you purposely bow your head, trying your best to not look hostile to the passerbyers (it was kind of hard considering you were literally a tiger in the middle of a street in bologna, and with a groggy boy that looked suspiciously like the famed racing driver kimi antonelli sprawled on your back)

when you reach your hastily-parked mini cooper, you practically drag him off your back and use your teeth to yank him into the vehicle. double-checking to make sure no one was looking, you shift back into your human form, and speed back to kimi’s house in a record time that would probably make toto reassign you as the new merc formula one driver.

kimi’s mother cackles in laughter when she sees your disheveled-looking self trudge through the front door, one hand towing a tired kimi behind you.

“i hope kimi didn’t cause you too much trouble,” she laughs from her position at the kitchen island, one hand on her hip.

your boyfriend slumps onto his living room couch, one hand still stubbornly clasped in yours. he falls asleep within seconds.

“it was… alright,” you reply, raking your free hand through his curls. “if kimi ever needs to be brought home under anesthesia again though, i will definitely be bringing backup,” you admit.

his mother nods, smiling. “i’m just glad he has a girlfriend like you to take care of him,” she states before walking away.

you blush a bit at her words. you were pretty lucky to have such an amazing future in-laws and talented boyfriend. honestly, dealing with

daintily, you take a seat next to kimi, cooing when he subconsciously nuzzles his head into your lap. maybe kimi under anesthesia wasn’t so bad, after all.

“i love you, kimi!” you whisper to your boyfriend.

suddenly, his eyes snap open and he shoves himself off your lap. “my name is andrea!” he pouts, glaring at you.

placing your head in your hands, you sigh defeatedly. you definitely take back your statement.

a/n: sorry y'all i had the most shitty week (i failed my physics test 🥲) so i haven't been that active recently. i finally mustered up some energy tonight to type this one out lmao.

side note, i have reattached the taglist from my previous series just in case you guys would like to read the spinoff. feel free to let me know if you'd like to be removed or added to the taglist for this series! :)

taglist: @ilivbullyingjeongin@ale-522@formula1-motogpfan@aceyalonso@my0hmary

@mbappebby@madkohi@rakshatos@heartsforleclerc@papaya-twinks

#f1 x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 rpf fic #f1 imagine #kimi antonelli x reader #📝

265 notes · View notes

musicwhitemagic · 12 days ago

Text

Delirious

Lip Gallagher x reader fluff

Warning: A very soft and cuddly Lip Gallagher

(Thank you to @theitgirlnetwork for checking my work before I posted it 😅)

Enjoy!

You immediately shot up from the Gallagher’s couch when you heard the door click open and sighed with relief. They were finally home.

After a lot of annoying jabs from his siblings (some pleading from you), and the convenient dental insurance that his new job came with, Lip had finally decided to get his wisdom teeth out, and thank god too. He would never admit it, but it was starting to hurt like a bitch. It was just going to be a simple routine surgery, you knew he would be fine, but that still didn’t stop you from fidgeting and worrying all day. you had wanted to tag along but had been immediately turned down by Ian and Mickey who were picking him up from the dentist’s office, (Mickey would never miss an opportunity to see his brother-in-law hopped up on drugs and making an ass out of himself) they knew you would get upset and work yourself up. No matter how little of a dosage he would be on

Lip hadn’t wanted you to see him like that, so reluctantly, you stayed home.

“Alright, come on.” You walked over to help Ian who currently had Lip’s arm slung over his shoulder, struggling to get him inside. Mickey was following behind, phone in his hand recording with a smirk on his face.

“Hey, thanks for the help asshole” He glared at his boyfriend as he pulled his limp brother along.

“No problem.” Mickey smiled as he made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Is he okay?” you asked Ian as you gently pushed some of Lip’s curls back. He instantly melted into your touch as his eyes glazed over. He then reached over to grab your wrist and squeezed it affectionately. Well… that’s new. You thought as you squeezed back. It’s not that Lip wasn’t much for physical touch, in fact, once you started dating, he realized he preferred it, always choosing gentle kisses and soft touches (among other things) as his way of saying “I love you”, but public affection? Usually just a simple pull of your belt loop, or grazing of one anothers fingers would be the most on display.

Ian sighed as he wiped his forehead, “Yeah, he’s alright, just kinda’ out of it, the doctor said it should wear off in a bit, he should probably take his pills though.’’ You go to follow in pursuit, when a hand pulls you back down.

“Lip? You okay?” He responds by taking a piece of your hair and analyzing it with precision.

“I’ve seen you b’fore”

You giggle as you reach up to stroke his swollen cheeks, you decide, why not? Might as well take advantage of the situation before his stubborn pride comes back. “Yeah?”

“Yeah… you been around” he analyzes you once more, “You’re hot”

You can’t help but grin at his comment, although dumb, has you blushing like a schoolgirl. “Thank you, you’re not so bad yourself”. Ian entered the room with a glass of water and pills in his hand.

“Ian!” Lip whispers with no attempt at being quiet, “ook at er! She’s so hot! Isn’t she so hot?”

“Mhm, come on, you need to take this”

“She is so pretty!” Lip turns to you and boops your nose, “you’re ‘ust a pretty, pretty little lady-”

You lean in to cup his cheek and whisper. “Hey.. do you want to know something crazy?”

Lip, now absentmindedly playing with your fingers, whispers back to match your volume, “Yeah?”

“I’m your girlfriend”

“No!”

“Uh huh”

“I ont believe you”

“Would you like me to prove it to you?” Before you wait for an answer, you gently grab his chin, as he had done for you thousands of times, and place a long, sweet kiss on his lips. When you look back, he looks as though he could melt right there, in your hands. Usually you were the one that got flustered and awe-struck by Lip and his flirting, it was fun to be on the receiving end”

“You guys done?” Ian asked sardonically as he still stood in front of you, pills in hand.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ Phillip, you’re such a pussy-wipped little bitch”

“Shut up Mickey”

Well, this would be a fun couple of hours.

#shameless #jeremy allen white #lip gallagher #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher fluff #lip gallagher x you #lip gallagher x y/n #shameless x reader #shameless x you #shameless fanfiction #masterlist

111 notes · View notes

thrillered · 4 months ago

Text

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew X Reader | Pt. 4

Pt. 4: Ignoring

Spencer texted you a couple times last night, only to be met with short responses of, “cool”, “ok”, and “sure”. It was driving him crazy, you never texted like that, even when you first met each other you were always an enthusiastic texter. He even tried calling you and you let it ring, sending a “busy” text when it went to voicemail.

You weren’t busy. Unless you count pacing your living room as being busy. It was killing you to act this coldly towards Spencer, every time your phone vibrated and the “Spenceyyy <3” contact popped up your heart soared, then your stomach dropped.

You felt like maybe ignoring him was a mistake, that you were pushing your best friend away. But, you’ve spent so long repressing your true feelings for him that now that they’ve surfaced it's become too much and maybe some time away would help you decide what to do.

You considered your options as you drove to work. You could A: talk to him about your feelings during your next movie night or B: re-repress your feelings and live the rest of your life as just his best friend and more than likely have to watch him fall in love with someone that isn’t you. You think option B might kill you, so option A it is.

You got to the office, early as usual, walking in and heading straight to the kitchen to continue your tradition, making a big pot of coffee for the rest of the office so it's hot and ready for them. This became part of your routine a long time ago and you’re always happy to do something nice for your coworkers.

Having your coffee made you sat down at your desk, settling your headphones atop your head to play some music while you eased into your workday. It wouldn’t be too bad today since you had a half day anyway, having a dentist appointment at 1:45. Plus, you didn’t have to shoot anything today since they accomodated your appointment when they made your shoot block this week.

You were finishing a draft for a script you’ve been writing as people started to make their way in, lifting their mugs in thanks as they passed your desk. You sent the script to Courtney and Patrick so that they could give you feedback.

Your first real responsibility was a meeting regarding your next shoot block. You walked to the conference room and sat down, pulling up your calendar and a doc to take notes. Spencer, Ian, Kiana, and a few others joined you, pulling out their laptops as well.

You tried not to make eye contact with Spencer, simply nodding at his words instead of responding or interjecting. The meeting was going smoothly, they informed you that you were going to be in quite a few more videos than usual the next shoot block in response to your newfound musical fame because they think it will increase viewership.

“One last thing Y/N, we wanted to know if you would be interested in guesting on Smosh Mouth this week? You can talk about your music journey and what this fame is like and give some insider information about Espresso.“ Kiana stated shuffling through some papers.

“We know you already promised a live stream on Instagram but we think it would be a great episode. They were going to film another weird subreddits episode but we can do that whenever, we’d be able to film and turnaround the video within the week of shooting it.” Spencer added, trying to lock eyes with you.

“Yeah that sounds awesome” You agreed, knowing it meant you could be more vague on the live stream today, giving you more time to figure out how you’re gonna go about the “Spenspresso” allegations.

You went over some more logistical stuff before parting ways, going back to your desk and putting your headphones back on, hoping it will signal to Spencer that you don’t want to talk.

The rest of your morning was filled with other meetings, sketch writing with Courtney, and you even went over to the art department to help with a few props. Before long everyone broke for lunch, which was your queue to leave. You packed your bag while everyone was getting ready for lunch and slipped out while everyone was occupied.

–

Spencer’s eyes darted around the lobby, trying to land on your figure, only to turn up empty. He did a lap around the office looking for you, finishing at your desk where he noticed your stuff was gone and you had left for the day.

“Looking for Y/N?” Alé asked, pulling out a drawer of your desk and setting some papers that you requested inside. “She had an appointment so she left early.”

At this point Spencer was even more confused and frankly just hurt. You usually told him everything and it's been days without any real communication, you won’t make eye contact with him, and now you left without saying goodbye. He couldn’t take it anymore, he felt like he was losing his best friend. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, the past few days felt like purgatory, like he was being punished for some reason. Every hour he spent without you his heart ached.

He searched for Angela, knowing if anyone could help him it was her. Outside of himself Angela was one of your closest friends and he knew you two talked about basically everything.

“Hey Angela, you busy?” He asked, approaching the table she was sitting at with Amanda and Erin.

“Just eating,” She began, “If this is work related it can wait though, I have 20 more minutes of lunch.”

“It’s actually a personal matter but I, uh, I think you can help me.” Spencer explained.

“Okay,” Angela agreed, confused, looking back to the table. “I’ll be back.”

Spencer guided Angela to the games pod and sat on the couch as she pulled a chair up.

“So what's up Spence?”

He sighed hard, trying to figure out the best way to approach the topic. “It’s about Y/N..” He began, glancing up to Angela, “She’s just been kinda weird lately and unlike herself and it’s kinda worrying me, I guess.”

Angela couldn’t help but laugh, she knew exactly why you were being weird. You had spent 2 hours on facetime last night expressing every emotion you’ve been feeling lately. She knew about your love predicament, granted, she tried to convince you that avoiding Spencer wasn’t going to help anything.

“Why are- Why are you laughing?” Spencer questioned, laughing nervously.

“You two are idiots, you guys seriously just need to fucking talk.” Angela reassured. “You didn’t do anything wrong if that's what you’re wondering. You know I love Y/N but she avoids issues like this so you gotta just, kinda, corner her? About it? If that makes any sense.”

“Thanks Ang,” Spencer began, mulling this information around in his head.

“Well if that’s all solved I’m going back to enjoy my,” she trails off, checking her apple watch and doing the math in her head, “14 minutes left of lunch.”

Spencer laughed as she walked off, really hoping she was right and you weren’t upset at him. Feeling slightly better about the whole situation he finished his lunch at his desk, playing your music in his headphones, feeling more relaxed as he listened to your voice.

–

You pressed the ‘Go Live’ button on instagram, watching the notification go out and people rush in. You said hey and talked casually for a few minutes as more people joined. When there were a good few thousand you began.

“Alright, we all know why we’re here, you wanna talk about Espresso.” You started, remembering the smosh mouth episode you quickly added, “Just to preface I’m doing an exclusive smosh mouth episode that is coming out next week where I’ll be going more in depth and you’ll be able to ask me questions through a community tab on youtube! So if I don’t mention something, don't fret! There will be more answers. But for now, what do you wanna know?” You asked, opening the floor to questions.

Hundreds flooded in, almost too fast for you to read any. Choosing a mild one you read, “How long have I been working on Espresso? Great question, I’d say about…. Eight? Months?” You estimated.

–

The stream was easy if you ignored all comments about Spencer. A lot of people were respectful though, and asked you interesting questions about your career and the technical aspect of Espresso. You ended the stream after about 15 minutes, reminding everyone you’d be answering questions on smosh mouth and they’d be able to watch it next week.

Since it was friday night you decided to treat yourself, you opened a bottle of wine and sipped on a glass while you waited for your postmates, you had ordered your favorite sushi take-out. You deserved it after the stressful week you’ve had post Espresso release.

You were lounging on your couch, casually playing animal crossing on your tv when you heard a knock on your door. You grabbed some cash to give an additional tip before opening the door with a “Thank you so much!”. Unfortunately, it was not the delivery driver but Spencer. He was standing in your doorway holding a bag from your favorite bakery.

“Hey Y/N, can we, uh, can we talk?”

#spencer agnew #spencer agnew/reader #spencer agnew x reader #smosh cast #smosh fanfiction #smosh pit #smosh games #smosh spencer #smosh #shayne topp

128 notes · View notes

ckret2 · 10 months ago

Text

Chapter 37 of human Bill is this close to wriggling out of the Mystery Shack, featuring: Bill getting alone with Wendy and chatting about teen stuff.

Meanwhile, downstairs,

Bill meandered through the house, munching on a jelly, hot sauce, jalapeño, and sprinkles sandwich.

Everyone was out, the Mystery Shack was closed for the day... Bill was pretty sure this was the first time he'd ever been completely alone in the house since his capture.

What sort of mischief could he get up to?

He headed upstairs to change out of his wet clothes; nice not to have to do it in the tiny curtained bathroom for the sake of the nudity-fearing easily-scandalized humans. He hated to peel off his hoodie—even though it didn't quite make him feel like himself, it at least did a terrific job of hiding how unlike himself he was—but if it wasn't dried out by the time the older humans got home, they might confiscate it to launder it, and then it would be even longer until he got it back.

The things he had to worry about these days were so pathetic.

To go with his makeshift bed, Bill had recently been generously granted a makeshift dresser: an ancient apple crate into which he could shove his ill-gotten clothing. His entire wardrobe combined barely filled half of it. He mourned for some of the garments he and Stan hadn't managed to smuggle out. Galaxy camo. Puking kangaroo jacket. Rainbow cheetah-tiger print leggings. When he took over this place again, he was making himself a full set of dining chairs with real human legs, and then he was putting those leggings on all the chair legs.

He pulled on a tank top and fresh leggings, spread his wet clothing out to dry, and went looking for trouble.

This was a perfect opportunity to get Soos's electric piano out of the floor room; knowing a piano was right there was driving Bill crazy, but he didn't want the humans to overhear him playing and didn't want to lower himself to asking for headphones.

Or he could have a solo dance party. His body ached to dance. He played music with Mabel from time to time, but they had to keep the volume down to levels nobody else would complain about, and he wasn't about to risk dancing when his jailers could yell at him for it. He was pretty sure the boombox was in the kids' bedroom; but after the damage Dr. Illing left on the door, Bill might be able to get in if he could figure out how to get through it. The dentist had managed to get through with the same curse, after all, hadn't he?

Although that gave Bill another thought.

A couple of interesting things had happened on the night the dentist had broken in.

First: Stan had shoved Bill, back first, through the door from the living room into the gift shop. Bill didn't know how Stan did this. All he knew was that the door was closed, Bill was shoved, and somehow the door... permitted him through, and then he was on the other side. He didn't understand it. But it happened.

And second: Stan told the dentist that that door was load bearing, and then had told Bill he'd only said that to keep the dentist from touching it or else he might accidentally figure out a way through, even when he didn't know how it opened.

What did this mean? Bill wasn't quite sure. It was all pretty mysterious. But, it sounded like... it was possible to get through the door... without... opening it?

It didn't make sense to him. But maybe it didn't need to make sense. Maybe it was good that it didn't make sense—because the curse prevented doors from making sense to him, so maybe the only way around them was embracing a solution that seemed like nonsense. Maybe if he recreated the conditions he'd experienced when he was pushed... and if he focused not on the door, not on opening it, but on just... trying to walk into the next room, completely ignoring the existence of the door... perhaps something would happen?

He eyed the door thoughtfully, chewing his jelly-jalapeño sandwich. It was worth trying. He wondered whether tripping on the step was a necessary part of whatever process had gotten him through the door, or if it was optional. He decided he'd try it without the tripping and only put it back in if that didn't work.

He turned his back to the door, shut his eyes, and walked backwards.

There might be some validity to this method. There were some places that could only be accessed by walking backwards. Some fairy domains, for instance. The hidden fairy court outside Portland. He flinched when his back hit the door; he told himself to ignore the door—don't think about the door—and keep walking. He wasn't trying to open the door, he told himself—he wasn't trying to do anything with the door—he was merely trying to walk to the next room. The door didn't matter to him.

And somehow, he kept moving.

The door simply let him through.

He didn't stop walking until he felt a rug under him and knew he must have made it into the gift shop. He opened his eyes and stared in amazement at the door, gently swinging closed again in his wake. What happened there? It was magic. It had to be magic. Were doors even real? Were they just illusions that looked and felt like solid walls until you tried to pass through them? Was that what the curse had forced him forget—did doors not really exist?

He laughed in confusion. "What...?"

"Oh hey, how'd you get in here?"

Bill nearly jumped out of his shoes. He whipped around to face the voice. Wendy was standing under the curtain into the museum.

Right. Yes. An explanation. How did he get in here. "I genuinely and honestly do not know!"

Wendy nodded. "Okay."

"What are you doing here? I thought the shack was closed."

"Hanging out with the baby dragons," Wendy said. "Sometimes when the shack's closed and I need a break from the house, I kinda... use my key to let myself in and hang out with the displays?"

Bill nodded slowly. "All right." He hadn't kept a close eye on the Corduroys once Raina was gone, but he had some ideas why Wendy would want to get away.

"Please don't tell Soos I snuck in?" Wendy asked. "I don't think he'd mind that much, but—still. It's a... It's not a work thing. I don't want my boss to know."

"Don't tell Soos I snuck in?" Bill countered.

Wendy pursed her lips. "All right, that's fair."

So, here they both were. Not exactly what Bill was planning for the day; but, it meant he could have a little uninterrupted conversation with Wendy without his jailers knowing. It was an invaluable opportunity. Bill would have to use all of his cunning to spin this situation to his advantage. He had to choose his next words extremely carefully.

Bill said, "Hey, as long as we're here, wanna chill on the roof or something?"

Wendy considered that. She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

Nailed it. Wendy was such a pushover.

####

Wendy led the way up the ladder. "Guess you need me to open the lids for you, huh?"

Bill laughed "'Lids'?"

"Shut up, you know what I mean. The—" Wendy gestured at the trap doors leading to the roof. "The roof lids."

"Yeah, I'd really appreciate if you'd get the roof lids."

Bill was slower to climb up. He'd never used a ladder in this body before; and as he climbed over worn mossy shingles he could faintly see three places where he would lose his footing and fall, and he had to creep carefully around them to avoid those futures. But then, at last, he was on the roof hangout spot.

"What the heck is that stink?" Wendy asked. "It smells like an outhouse crawled up here to die."

"You remember that giant eye-bat Soos had to chase off—?"

"Oh, yeah. He closed the shack and gave me the day off while you guys were dealing with it. I didn't know the repellant smelled this bad."

The only other time Bill had ever been up here was when he was haunting Dipper's dream, and of course that hadn't been the actual roof. It was a much cheerier spot than it had seemed in a midnight dream. Feel that breeze. Look at that sunlight.

And, for the first time in nearly a month, Bill was outdoors without any kind of cuff to restrict his movement.

Granted, he was also thirty feet off the ground, in a body that was controlled by gravity, with no way to climb down. But still.

"Dude, you look like you're worshipping the sun," Wendy said.

Bill was standing at the edge of the roof, facing the sun, arms outstretched, head tipped back. He supposed he did. "We're distant cousins. Inside I'm a hundred billion trillion suns."

Wendy laughed. "Listen to you. You sound like—some kind of hippie or something." Wendy took a seat on the pool chair. "You're still grounded or whatever, right? That's crazy for a full adult."

Bill laughed wryly. "Yeah. You can't imagine." For lack of another chair, he sat and leaned back against the slope of the roof. "It's condescending as all get out, and I hate it. But, hey." He shrugged. "It could be worse. I mean, they haven't tried to kill me yet."

Wendy laughed. "'Yet'."

"Yet. So I guess I can put up with it until..." Until what? "Until I... figure out somewhere else to go."

"Ugh, I hear that," Wendy said. "I'm dying to get out of this dumb town, it's so claustrophobic—and I've only been stuck here half as long as you. But I'm, like, sixteen, I can't just leave." She sat up, gesturing off into the distance. "But as soon as I finish high school, I'm taking off for Portland."

She settled back on the chair. "What about you? Where are you going when you get out of here."

"All over the planet!" He laughed. "I'm not kidding, I'm going everywhere. I've waited an eternity to see the world in person—rather than just seeing it vicariously through images and what people I meet remember about it."

"Oh yeah, I get that," Wendy said. "My mom had a postcard of Death Valley that's objectively super boring—it's just this desert with a wall of rock in the distance—but as a kid, I was fascinated by it anyway? This little glimpse into another world? It doesn't seem like a real place, so flat without any trees. I'm used to this." She gestured out at the mountains cradling Gravity Falls. "I wanna see places like that, it's just so different."

"Bet you'd fit in around there. I hear there's some tough gals living near Death Valley." And most of them prayed to golden triangular statues.

Bill stared at the sky a moment, willing a small cloud not to block his sunlight. It ignored his commands and its edge brushed over the sun's perimeter. "I'm not a big fan of flat places," he said thoughtfully. "Honestly—sure, I complain, but I really do like this stupid hick town. I like mountains and trees and weirdos."

"We've got a lotta weirdos."

"Highest volume of weirdos per capita in the United States. Gun to my head, if I had to choose any one place in the universe to be stuck... it actually might be right here." At least if he'd had the option of choosing captivity without the pending threat of execution. "But—if I had to choose between this one place and the entire rest of the universe? I'd choose the universe."

"Yeah, wow, that's deep." Wendy nodded. "Can't relate though. I flipping hate this place."

Bill cackled. "Oh, go on, tell me how you really feel!"

"I'm serious!" She got to her feet, staring off toward the idea of Portland in the distance. "I'm getting a job and starting college in Portland and leaving! I'm never cleaning up after my dad and brothers again! And they'll just have to deal with it."

"What if your friends stay here?" Bill asked. "Are any of them as eager to escape?"

"Eh. I figure everyone kinda loses touch with their high school friends and just makes new friends in college. Right?"

"Wow! Cold." He was a little impressed.

Wendy was silent for a moment, contemplating the horizon. "Honestly, I kinda feel like I'm... outgrowing them. Or—maybe not yet, but I will by the time I graduate. You know?"

"I get that! It's hard to be the coolest kid in the crew. No one can live up to your amazing example, but you've gotta put up with them anyway."

"Pfff. Shut up, man."

"But hey—listen, I've been where you are. I've gone through this. When I left school, I never spoke to a single kid I used to know ever again. I didn't want to. I don't regret it."

"I keep half forgetting that you're out of college and everything. No offense, but you look like, fifteen."

"Eh. Everyone thinks I look younger than I am."

Wendy sat again on the end of the pool chair. "What was the place you grew up like?"

Bill considered the question for a moment. "Flat."

Wendy laughed. "No wonder you like mountains. Grass is always greener, huh?"

"Sure." The sun was completely covered now. Bill already felt colder.

####

"Come in, come in," Fiddleford said, holding open the door and waving his guests in. "Welcome to my workshop!"

The Northwest Manor had an enormous formal dining room with warm brown marble tiles, festooned in rich red velvet curtains, overlooked by the taxidermy head of an elephant that Preston used to boast his grandfather had personally hunted (with the help of some hired locals, who'd taken care of tedious unimportant details like "setting up the camp" and "finding the elephant" and "shooting the gun").

Fiddleford had decided the marble floor made this the least flammable room in the house, tore down the curtains, named the elephant Johnny, shoved the long dining table against one wall to serve as a lab table, and hauled over all his makeshift engineering equipment from the junkyard in Tate's pickup. Now, the original purpose of the room was all but invisible beneath what was unmistakably a redneck mad scientist's laboratory. An oil drum in the corner could be brewing anything from moonshine to rocket fuel. Fiddleford's raccoon wife peered down at the visitors from atop a rumbling machine made from three cars' chassis.

"Sit, sit!" Fiddleford swept grease-smeared papers and half-finished doohickeys off four former dining chairs, and dragged the chairs around a three-legged folding table. Stan, Ford, and Soos took seats. Ford leaned over to see whether anything was propping up the legless corner, and only found an abandoned paper wasp nest on the bottom of the table.

Fiddleford crouched barefoot on his seat. "Thank you all for coming."

"So what's all this about?" Stan asked. "All Ford could say is you might be on the verge of a breakthrough on the Bill gun."

"Am I ever!" Fiddleford smacked the table excitedly. All three guests grabbed it to keep it from tipping over. "I've been cogitatin' up a way to remake its fuel!"

"And you've found a way?" Ford asked.

"Why, you bet I have maybe!"

Stan said, "You're still working on the fuel? Is that the only thing we're missing? Last year I stole a bunch of nuclear waste to power the portal, is that not an option?"

"Unfortunately, no," Ford said. "The Quantum Destabilizer can only be fueled by a paradoxical element that's inert when observed but radioactive when unobserved—but it doesn't exist in this universe. It's called NowUSeeitNowUDontium."

Stan grimaced. "I can guess who named it."

"It's clever," Soos said. "Very evocative."

Stan asked, "So, we're here to help make an element? Just so you know, I flunked chemistry, but I didn't do half bad at a community college course on auto mechanics." Stan looked around at the cobbled-together machinery filling the room. "Just in case that's relevant here."

Fiddleford waved off Stan's offer. "Naw, Soos can handle the equipment just fine."

Soos saluted. "You've got it!"

"I need you two for something else." Fiddleford hopped out of his chair, grabbed Stan and Ford's arms, and tugged them from their seats. "This way! Bring your chairs!" Soos quickly followed them, bringing his chair too.

As they crossed the room, Ford asked Stan, "You took a community college course on auto mechanics?"

"Eh. Thought it might help me figure out how your dumb portal works."

Ford smiled crookedly. "Did it?"

"Not one bit!"

Fiddleford led them to a machine that looked like a combination between a trash can, a lawnmower engine, and a rollercoaster-like maze of old lead pipes. He pulled the cord to start the engine, and the whole contraption rumbled ominously. "This is my miniature particle accelerator!"

"What's it do?" Stan asked.

"It accelerates miniature particles!" Fiddleford pointed halfway across the room at several CRT computer screens welded atop a sideways filing cabinet atop a sideways refrigerator. Wires spilled out of the cabinet drawers. "Soos can monitor the whole thing from over yonder."

"Aw, sweet." Soos put his chair in front of the monitors and sat. "Check it out, dudes, I'm like a nineties hacker!" He pulled a keyboard and an old video game joystick out of the fridge and pretended to type lightning fast. "Boom. I'm in."

Fiddleford pointed at the trash can. "And in here I've recreated the environmental conditions of the Dontium's native paradox universe."

"Amazing," Ford said, crouching down to inspect the pipes. "How did you do that?"

"I stuck a cat in a box and stuck the box in the trash can."

"I see."

Stan eyed the trash can, vibrating like mad from the lawnmower engine. "Is, uh, the cat alive?"

"Maybe!"

"Should... should we check?"

"Stanley, please," Ford said. "The cat-in-a-box thought experiment is a very unstable paradox. It's only good for a few days at most before breaking down; we can't risk disrupting the delicate conditions inside the box."

Stan blinked, baffled. "All right. Sure." He shrugged. "I was never much of a cat guy, anyway."

"Sitcher chairs either side of the accelerator, here," Fiddleford said. "Now! Dontium's properties change dependin' on whether it's observed or not. To synthesize it, it needs to be observed, and not. You followin' so far?"

"Yes," Ford said. "No," said Stan.

"Perfect!" Fiddleford clapped his hands on their shoulders. "You're doing stupendous so far. Now, in the paradox universe, I reckon one fella could just doublethink his way into producin' Dontium. But we've got to do it with two brains that are as near to identical as possible. Which is why I need you two! Twin brains are as close as we're gonna get if we don't wanna wait to grow a couple clones."

Stan gave Fiddleford a skeptical frown.

Fiddleford turned to Ford. "I need you lookin' right at the particle accelerator, at all times, to keep it under observation—but not think about it! The longer you can do that, the more the potential energy of the thoughts you're not thinkin'll build up, and since you know more about Dontium than Stanley does, you can generate more potential energy faster."

Stan's skeptical frown deepened.

Fiddleford went on, "And Stan, I need you to not look at the accelerator at all costs, but don't stop thinkin' about it once. You 'n' Ford's thoughts and non-thoughts will work like the plus 'n' minus poles on a magnet; it'll attract the mental energy outta Ford, into the accelerator between you two, and jump start the matter synthesizin' process." Fiddleford pointed at a hose snaking across the floor to the fridge. "And that'll pump the fresh Dontium into an old milk jug in the fridge! Soos'll keep an eye on it so it don't turn radioactive."

Soos fished around in the fridge until he found the jug, with the hose duct taped to the opening. A gas gauge removed from a car was attached to the jug. "Efficient," Soos said. "Sorry—you said so it doesn't turn radio-what?"

"Don't worry, you'll do terrific!"

"Heh, okay!"

If Stan's skeptical frown got any deeper, he'd pull a muscle. He looked to Ford for backup.

Ford was stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Yes, I see. It's all scientifically sound."

Stan threw up his hands in defeat. "Okay. Fine. So all I have to do is look away from the particle-whatever while thinking about it while Ford looks at it without thinking about it? That's it?"

"That's it," Fiddleford said. "But! If you start or stop thinkin' about Dontium before we've got a critical mass in the jug, it'll all vanishify, and we'll have to start over!"

"Eh." Stan shrugged. "How hard can it be to keep thinking about your weird science project while I'm sitting right next to it?"

Ford considered the challenge of deliberately trying to not think about something while he was staring straight at it, and frowned. "I'm... going to need a distraction."

####

Dipper had circled half of Main Street, digging through the businesses' dumpsters in search of a sleeping nest of Fremont Nightwigglers, before it occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, Bill had lied to him about where they nested. And now he was sweaty, bruised, and stunk to high heaven.

Well, great.

He dragged himself home, braced for Bill to mock him for falling for such an obvious lie and Mabel to tease him for smelling so bad.

But when he reached the shack, there was no sign of them.

Waddles was still contentedly wallowing in the mud around Stan's (really bizarrely painted) car. That wasn't necessarily weird; over the school year Mabel had gotten used to Waddles letting himself in and out of the yard by the back door flap, and now she was convinced that he'd grown big enough that the local wildlife had more to fear from him than he did from them. But even so, if Mabel and Bill had gone inside, it was weird that she'd leave Waddles outside unless she was coming back out. Dipper patted Waddles as he passed—Waddles curiously sniffed at his clothes—and headed into the house.

"Hello? Mabel?" Dipper called. "I'm back."

There was no response.

"Mabel?" After a pause, Dipper tried, less certainly, "Bill?"

And still silence. All the lights were out. The shack was deathly still.

The hairs on the back of Dipper's arms stood up. "Mabel?! Mabel!"

He ran to the office and called Mabel's cell phone, only to hear the credits theme from Believe In Yourself—her latest ringtone—playing down the hall. He ran to the living room. Mabel had left her phone on the table next to the chess board.

Maybe Dipper could believe Mabel had gone out without taking her phone. And he could just barely believe she might take Bill away from the shack, although even for her Dipper found that a stretch. But even at her most naive and absent-minded, he couldn't believe that she'd do both. She wouldn't go out alone with Bill Cipher without a way to call for help.

Which left only one other option. Something had gone terribly wrong.

"MABEL!" He tore through the house, opening every door, checking every room twice, every corner and cranny where Bill might be skulking or Mabel might be tied up. He took the elevator down to Ford's study—nothing—and then down to the basement, in case Bill was trying to repeat his stunt from the first day of summer break.

Nothing.

Where had Bill taken her?

####

"... and Tambry and Robbie have been insufferable all year," Wendy went on, capping off her list of recent grievances with all her friends. "First they break up in the first week of school, then we all hang out over Labor Day weekend and by the end of it they're making heart eyes at each other again, they said it was just the stress of a new school year that made them fight? But then they started fighting again and broke up a month later, then after Thanksgiving we find out they're back together, then right before school lets out they break up again, then suddenly they make up for Christmas and spend the rest of winter break glued to each other, then break up again..." She flung her hands out in exasperation. "And then just—kept doing that! They've been back together since school got out and they seem fine, but I'm just waiting for the next I-don't-know-what-I-saw-in-him text from Tambry..."

"Spring break?"

"What?"

"Did they get back together over spring break?"

"Yeah, we barely even saw them. How'd you know?"

"I have an instinct for these things," Bill said airily. That was one heck of a Summer Love potion overdose. Sometimes a large dose could linger through the next summer vacation or two in weakened form—but to be strong enough to hit every vacation in between, including the single day Monday holidays? Wow. Shooting Star really went to town on those two.

"If they break up again, I'm gonna start spraying them with water whenever they look at each other," Wendy said. "This is their last chance. I am not putting up with their drama anymore."

"I'll give 'em until the end of August," Bill said.

Wendy looked at him suspiciously.

"Let me know how close I get!"

"Maybe we should set up a betting pool," Wendy muttered. "Will you still be in the shack in August?"

Bill huffed. "I hope not." He just hoped he'd be leaving as a triangle rather than as a corpse.

"Man—all this talking about being stuck in town and the guys acting stupid is making me restless." Wendy stood, stretched, and pulled out her phone. "Sorry for dumping all my emotional junk on you. You sorta give off these... worldly, mentor-y vibes?"

Bill's chest puffed up. "Please," he said magnanimously, "feel free to talk to me about anything. I'm always happy to lend an ear." After all, who knew what might end up useful?

"I think I'm gonna see if the gang wants to hang." (And here Bill thought she'd outgrown them. But of course, without them, who else would she hang out with? It wasn't that bad, being the coolest kid in a pack of nobodies. Good for the ego. Better than being alone.) Wendy nodded toward the ground. "You wanna sneak out and come with?"

It was tempting. It was so tempting. But he had no idea when Stan and Ford would be back—or where in town they were right now—and if they found out he'd managed to get out of the shack, he'd probably be locked in the cellar until his execution day. He couldn't be stupid. He could only afford to risk it if he was making an escape... and if he tried to escape now, where would he go? Where could he go? With no ID, no money, no phone, nothing but the clothes on his back and a wretched body?

His best odds of getting back to the Nightmare Realm were in the basement of this very building; Kryptos wouldn't answer his calls; and he didn't have any way to reach any of his human followers from here. He wasn't even sure how to look them up. He could list off the dreams, life histories, and phobias of a dozen of his most devout worshipers; but did he know any of their phone numbers?

"Nah," Bill said. "Can't risk it." He couldn't remember the last time he'd had to live with this much fear. (He told himself he wasn't afraid.) "But, thanks for the offer. Maybe the jailers will lighten up and figure out it's not the end of the world if I go outside for a couple of hours, then we can talk."

Wendy shook her head, giving him a worried look. "Dude, the way you keep talking, I'm pretty sure this whole thing is this close to being illegal. Are you sure you're—you know—okay here?"

Oh, he loved that. She'd known the Mystery Shack household for years, and yet she was almost ready to take his side against them. He'd love to say he wasn't okay, please get him out of here—

But then what? Then she'd confront the Pines, and the Pines would tell her who he was... He held back a sigh. "Sure I'm okay! Hey—if I was in any real trouble, don't you think I'd have said something to Darryl at Rainbow Club by now? Come on."

"I guess," Wendy said; and then pressed, "You're sure, though?"

He'd worried her too much. Oh, this would be great if he were in any position to try to escape. As it was, though... how did he walk this back?

Come up with a story. Something believable.

Bill sighed heavily. "Okay, listen. Here's the thing. Thirty years ago, I... had a miscommunication with Ford—you've heard about part of that mess—and before I could straighten things out with him, everything with the portal happened, and it festered thirty years before we met again. He's gotten paranoid! That's what all this is really about: his paranoia. So yeah, sure, he's taking this waaay too far." He rolled his eyes. "Buuut, if I want to get his trust back, I have to play along with the crazy rules he thinks will keep him safe. And I do want his trust back. I like having him as a friend." And that was true. It was true, wasn't it? Sure, it was now. He decided it was.

Wendy nodded slowly. "Hey," she said. "Quick question. Have you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome."

Bill laughed. "Oh, come on! I don't like him that much."

And now that Bill had laid the groundwork, if he decided later that he could make use of Wendy's help, all he'd have to do was say Ford had finally tipped over the edge and he needed help escaping. Maybe that would even slow Wendy down from believing the Pines if they tried to tell her who he really was.

They headed back down into the gift shop, Wendy taking the lead and Bill trying his best not to fall down the ladder.

Bill tensed at the ghostly sight of Dipper trailing through the gift shop, in and out of the museum, and through the vending machine; but a second glance confirmed he was seeing an afterimage, not a premonition. Dipper wouldn't be back upstairs for a few minutes. What a narrow miss; he couldn't imagine how much trouble he'd be in if Dipper had noticed the roof lids left open.

"Oh, cool, Nate replied. Got at least one person to hang out with." Wendy stuffed her phone back in her pocket. "Hey—if you ever need a break from the craziness around here, you know how to reach me." She paused. "By walking backwards through the employee door, I guess."

"Ha! I'll keep that in mind." And maybe it would be useful someday.

Wendy waved as she headed out the gift shop exit. Bill returned the wave as he—thinking not about the door, thinking only about the living room and about walking straight into it as though nothing were in his way—backed through the doorway and into the next room.

He was getting good at this. No door would ever hold him again.

He meandered upstairs to check on his drying clothes, and found someone had left the bathroom door open. Had Dipper done that? He'd probably needed a shower after Bill had sent him digging through every dumpster in town. Ha. Well, good; Bill needed a quick shower too, lest the lingering stench of eye-bat repellant give away that he'd been outside while the jailers were gone.

He crept around the ajar door, peeled off his clothes, and climbed in the shower.

####

Dipper's foot bounced anxiously the whole elevator ride back up to the gift shop.

Not here. Bill and Mabel were clearly gone. Bill must have overpowered her while they were outside (and Dipper wasn't there to protect Mabel), and then—what—carried her off somewhere? Where else might Bill go?

Dipper ran outside—without noticing the breeze stirring the curtain that hid the roof ladder.

He circled the shack searching for any sign of where they might have gone; and then he grabbed his bike and pedaled frantically into the woods.

####

(Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed, I'd appreciate a comment! Next chapter is The Stupidest Chapter You've Ever Read. This is a boast.)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #wendy corduroy #gravity falls #gravity falls fanart #gravity falls fic #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher

316 notes · View notes

whyse7vn · 1 year ago

Text

SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider 🥰😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

435 notes · View notes

bubblessunshinehoney · 2 years ago

Note

Hi!! I saw your most recent fic, and I absolutely loved it! I’ve been watching YouTube like crazy and got an idea for Steve Rogers. If you don’t like it I am perfectly understanding of it! I was thinking of something where the reader had her wisdom teeth removed and Steve is there to help, but along the way, he deals with the silliness of it all. It’s okay if you don’t want to, as I said I completely understand! Xx

Truth serum

Hey ! I'm super happy you loved my last fic ! And I absolutely love your idea !! Here's what came from your ask, hope you'll enjoy it !

Love,

Cloudy

TW: none, fluff, nonsense because of anesthesia.

not beta read, english is not my first language, all mistakes are my own.

Don't be shy: reblog, comment, like !!

You felt dizzy, fuzzy and you couldn't focus your eyes. You knew, you were at the dentist, you just had your wisdom teeth removed. You didn’t feel your tongue or your lips, making you sob quietly… well not so quietly, when your super soldier boyfriend was in the corridor, waiting to come and see you.

“Honey?” he whispered not to startle you.

“Weve?” you slurred.

Your head is rolling from side to side, looking for him, you relax when he takes your hand in his, you intend to smile, but..well only half of your mouth lifts, making Steve smile tenderly.

“How do you feel, love?”

You groan, trying to pucker your lips.

“ca’t fwel my lups”, another sob, “ow ca i iss ou?”

He takes a moment for him to understand what you’re saying, but when he does, he leans in and kisses you softly, it tickles you, but it’s not like usual and you let another sob out.

“Ca’t fwel! nooo, m’roken” you gasp and open your eyes wide. “Mean i no longe’ yo gurfwiend!”, you cry, fully cry and Steve is taken aback. He knew that anaesthesia could lead to unexpected reactions, but he was not ready for this.

“You’re still my girlfriend, honey, you’re even my fiancé, remember?”

You stop crying and look at him, well you intend to, but you cross eyed and blink.

“Fiancé?”, you whisper to yourself. “You want to marry me?”, you ask him in disbelief.

Steve chuckles quietly “Of course i want to marry you, i’m in love with you”

“YOU WOVE ME?”

He rubs your knuckle tenderly and nods, you look at him, shocked.

“you wove me?”, you whisper-yell.

“I do, I love you sweetie”.

The nurse comes in to monitor you and you look at her.

“He woves me. he ant mary me. he woves me, nat!”

The nurse looks at Steve and smiles. “Do I look like the black widow?”

He laughs softly, “I think yeah, it must be the red hair.” She laughs with him and you’re sure they’re mocking you.

“It a prank? You no wove me, you wove nat. i’m fool. nobody woves me. i’m alone.”

Steve sits on the bed and holds your hand tightly, “No, baby, absolutely not. I only want you.”

He realises slowly that you might express all your insecurities. The nurse looks at him and gives him a reassuring smile. “She’s all good, just have to wait for the doc before she can go.”

The nurse leaves, but you can’t stop the tears from rolling. Steve realises you are having a panic attack, he starts to draw circles on your wrist and hums your favourite song. It helps a little, but your brain can’t decide if he’s lying or not about the wedding. It’s all fuzzy and you feel dizzy and sleepy.

“Honey, baby, i love you, i only love you, since the moment i saw you for the first time in the office.”

You sniffle, nodding.

“I ha trush on you sin you tame out of the ite. A tupid fangurl… sorry, I'm treep. No want to make you fall in love with me. I just…”

He kisses your forehead, shutting you up.

“But steve, yo-”

“No, baby, I know all of that. And you’re not a creep. You’re my love. I had a crush on you too, the first you came to work, I had my eyes on you. See we are both creeps.”

You chuckle and sigh. “Amatin ‘tevie, wanna ave ur baby”, you start to drift off, letting a Captain flushed and hot. “Ant all you baby…wanna mate you a daddy…”

You continue to babble nonsense about making the Captain America the best daddy ever, have all his little ones, being full of him all the time. Steve feels hot more and more, shaking his head, because even with saying such filthy words you were the most adorable woman he ever lays his eyes on.

Later that day

You’re back home with Steve, sipping a little soup and he keeps looking at you with a new hunger in his eyes.

“What is it Steve? You keep looking at me weird”.

“You don’t remember?”

You arch a brow… shaking your head “no…what should I remember?”

Steve looks at you dead in the eyes “About making me a daddy and being full of my children?”

You choke on your soup. “No I did not say that ? Did I?”. You hide behind your hands. Steve chuckles tenderly.

“It’s just we never talk about it and you blurted that out… and i…couldn’t stop thinking about it since then.”

At that moment, you’re both blushing hard. After a long silence, you look at him.

“Marry me first Rogers, then we can work on making you a Daddy.”

The end

#steve rogers fanfiction #steve x bucky #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fic #steve rogers #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers drabble #steve rogers fandom #chris evans fandom #chris evans character fanfiction #marvel fandom #marvel fluff #marvel fanfics #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x female!reader #steve rogers x f!reader #steve rogers x reader fluff

433 notes · View notes

onesidedradiostatic · 9 months ago

Note

Nothing will be funnier to me than people (Vox) going crazy over wanting to kiss the Cannibal Deer Man because like. Have you SEEN his teeth? His gums are black! His teeth are yellow! He eats raw ROTTING deer carcasses for breakfast! Man’s never used a toothbrush in his life and people (Vox) wanna put THAT in their mouths????

Does Vox just find rotting meat breath hot???

(Also, get that Deer Man some mints PLEASE. Or a toothbrush. Dentists would faint at the state of his teeth.)

to be fair his other love interest is fucking valentino I do not think this man is the prime example of someone with good tastes. maybe the yellow teeth just adds on to his hot edgy colour scheme idk

#ask #osrs.txt #radiostatic #staticradio #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox

58 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 5 days ago

Note

Can anyone recommend me some new/active fandom like the old Overwatch?

Full disclosure: I don't enjoy playing games, and especially shooters, and watching other people play them on youtube, in terms of entertainment for me, is up there with visits to the dentist.

But Overwatch had a cast of hot characters with wildly different aesthetics, not much backstory for me to learn, no game plot to speak of, and fic writers went crazy with the HCs and AUs in really many different genres and with a variety of characterizations. And it also had a good variety of slash, femslash, and het, all of which I read and enjoy.

I don't mind if the fandom is on the toxic side, so was Overwatch, but with the magic power of filtering blocking muting ignoring and selective blindness, I managed to have a great time anyway. Any help, anyone?

18 notes · View notes

williamshamspeare · 1 year ago

Note

You like all the Papa Louie customers eh? Name one good thing about every customer (currently)/lh

*slicks back hair* It's showtime.

Akari - Her coolness factor is unreal. Love the motorcycle, love her whole biker getup, and it's reasonably possible she might be a reference to that Akira anime thing. Which would be pretty sweet

Alberto - BRASILERIO NUMERO UNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Also him hating dentist appointments is quite the amusing fun fact. I like how his favorite holidays have had a general consistent pattern in all the games (favor SJ in the sweet games, SL in the savories)

Allan - Love his pompadour! Also glad that Flipline wasn't ever afraid of keeping his unibrow and missing tooth throughout the years... Also that one Brody's Gallery fanart probably awakened something within me. Sideburns are hot, y'all

Ally Kabam - They just revealed her so we don't really know all too much about her, but that doesn't mean I can't sing her praises! And by design alone, I can tell you that she's a STRONG customer: Brimming with both style and personality! Definitely setting the tone for the rest of the lineup, let's hope the rest of 'em live up to the hype

Amiria - They did throw quite a curveball revealing her to be a Tacodale local, but I dig it! Also great to have an official dental worker around! Designwise I absolutely adore her coat in the Style B, fuzzy thing that it is

Amy - That color scheme is a real treat, I say I say. And she's something of a fine art appreciator according to the little info snippet we got out of her creator on the forum, love that for her too... Plus the whole romance novel aspect adds to it quite well!

Austin - His design is straight up just a bottle of awesome sauce and I love that for him. Also shoutouts to him being autism rep, even if it was an obscure post from Tony... He's got that sauced up special interest swag

Bertha - Underrated queen. The fact that she's umpired 856 consecutive games calls to mind the image of her personally swimming to the mainland and back during the events of Freezeria Deluxe so as to not break the record, that's entirely headcanon but still it counts! It counts. And her Halloween costume is BOTH Jason Voorhes and Freddy Krueger at the same time, which is just. LOL

Big Pauly - An icon! His golden confidence as a salesman shines bright as the sun, and he's one of the very few characters to appear in every Papa Louie game/platformer if that means anything. I like to imagine he's one of those fast-talking infomercial type salesmen, the Billy Mays of the Flipverse. Can you imagine, in-universe Big Pauly YTPs

Boomer - Her entire design screams "America" but America doesn't exist in the Flipverse so she straight up came up with all that by herself. Amazing. Plus you gotta love how she lets all her hair down in the Style B

Boopsy & Bill - They absolutely SELL the ventriloquist gimmick. Y'know, to this day I still wonder how they managed to get the mouth animations to work... Also the style swap they do is a wonderful visual gag. They've got a boatload of personality

Brody - A greasy disheveled mess of a man. Everyone's favorite character archetype! Kinda crazy how active his flipdeck details him to be: Switched majors multiple times, an active caricature artist in Powder Point, lover of cult classic movies and friend of Skyler... He's a lot to work off of, he is

Bruna Romano - Looking at her orders over the games, you notice she tends to order dark rich flavors more often than not. Rather interesting... Also I love that she manages the band on top on playing in it, not something you see characters do every day

Budwin - Honestly kind of surprising how quickly his flipdeck made me feel for him. Suffering from chronic drowsiness, had to drop out of college, barely even making a living... And he still manages to make it to the Papa's establishments with a smile on his face

C.J. Friskins - What a weird little man (affectionate). Bro straight up wears a cat tail on his BUM at all times and made his debut as the Lunar New Year guy (a holiday which has yet to reappear), he's got this really offbeat, perhaps even offputting charm to him

Cameo - Or DrydenTH3Cultivar, as you know him online. The man is a VIGILANTE GAMER what's not to love about that!!! Also his whole outfit is kind of ridiculous in its own beautiful way, what with the whole peanut necklace & wristband combo. And the Crocs! Oh, the Crocs

Captain Cori - I do wish we got a little more info out of her flipdeck, but what we have to work paints a hell of a vivid picture! With her Pirate Bash getup and her wonderful new Halloween costume, she's just brimming with what I can only describe as "tough girl swag" (also she has popeye arms and that's amazing)

Carlo Romano - The fandom's favorite twink. Most people don't seem to talk about how he jumpstarted Marty's career in SatS, which is honestly kind of incredible to me... Also his Mocharia order was freaking hilarious with how much he hates coffee

Cecilia - There's just something about the way she existed for 11 whole gamerias without any info, then Matt & Tony basically building her entire backstory into the Bakeria plot (or vice versa, who knows what order it happened in)... She really is the flagship Bakeria character. And that's not bad at all

Chase - Has got to have had one of the most incredible flipdecks of all time. I think about the Oilseed Springs Reptile Extravaganza and Petting Zoo a whole lot more than I bet most people do, especially what the pyrotechincs and stunts entail... Also Smokie's one of the cutest pets I have ever laid eyes upon

Cherissa - Finally, an essential oil saleswoman who's trustworthy! Her whole cherry theme is honestly rather captivating, 'specially how the Style B transforms her into a cordial-based entity. I can tell they had fun designing her! I also adore the way they did her hair

Chester - There's something about this old man I can't help but find as a guilty pleasure. He's cranky, he's a gossip, he hoards doomsday supplies and has a permanent expression of contempt... Irresistible!

Chuck - I used to think that he was a Calypso Island local, kind of hilarious to think that's he's just a model (a stock photo model even) who happens to be associated with the island's trademark Surf Shack. Nearly all his outfits so far have been Hawaiian shirts, I wonder what they'll do for his Halloween costume

Clair - Love the family dynamic, but this is about each character as an individual. So! Clair's really fun to imagine and build headcanons around. Her being a physician with hectic hours, on top of being a loving mother... There's like so much you can do with a character base like hers! Plus her Style A is as classy as it gets. I've always been just a little curious about that button belt-thing she wears

Cletus - People seem to find him off-putting at best, with the whole sleeveless look and the bunny costume, but frankly I don't care. Let the old farmer man have weird eccentricities! He loves going antiquing at auctions! He operates a scrapyard where people can pay to find goodies! He's one of the most interesting characters in the whole cast if people just care to look into him deeper!

Clover - The back of her hair kinda looks like an explosion, which you gotta admit is pretty badass. Putting that aside, the checkerboard fit really suits her! Puts the ska into the ska-punk that is Scarlett and the Shakers, heh. I also like how she always carries drumsticks in her dress like a prop, more customers should carry props as part of their outfit honestly

Connor - The people of the forum really like to dunk on him, but frankly there's no one as much of an underdog as he is! I gotta hand it to Maz for helping me find the potential within him, there's so much that can be done with his character if you just look. I also really enjoy his orders in savory gamerias, that chicken sandwich would be LEGENDARY

Cooper - Sometimes being basic can be a good thing, and I think nobody else displays this as well as Cooper does. He's a simple man! Cooks his pancakes in the morning, looks out for his brother in the afternoon, he loves his family & his cat, and most importantly he's HAPPY. He is content with life!

Crystal - Oh how fabulous! Oh how decadent! Crystal is one of those customers that truly lives up to their name, I simply adore her gaudy aesthetic. Especially that sparkly texture on her shirt! Love it when they go for that kind of shading. Gotta give a shoutout to Cannoli too, love how he's like a cross between a mink and a feather boa (no limbs in sight)

Daniela - The theorizing about her military-based design choices was WILD before her flipdeck came out. Even afterwards, Daniela has always been something special! I do like the way she's consistenly ordered caramel & chocolate, and she's a top contender for the most GORGEOUS hair in the whole Flipverse when she takes down the bun

Deano - He's always been one of my favorite customers, really. Hell, I wear my own boater at an angle because of him! I also do like the hints towards him having some kind of connection with space, what with dressing up as an astronaut for Halloween and favoring Comet Con a couple times. Subtext is awesome!

Didar - Hell yeah! I loved his connected design with Simone from the get-go, but he really came into his own after the flipdeck came out. An amateur filmmaker, sasSugarsquatch hunter, AND a Maple Mountain resident all at once! Like I said with Brody, I love when characters are multiple different things at once. And there's the fun fact about his name translating to vision in Hindi, genuinely nice touch from the boys at Flipline

Doan - I don't know why people use the "exists in real life" excuse to leave out customers who are as much a part of this universe as any other character. Doan's got a pretty good deal going for him! I love the fact that he's canonically the artist behind Papa's branding and his posters, which means he's likely the one responsible for that Mousse poster in Mocharia (lmao)

Drakson - I've posted about it before, but the most charming part about him has to be the contrast between his dark and brooding design & his colorful cheery Hello Kitty-esque orders. Flipline knows how to implement a hilarious gag here and there! And as it stands right now, I really like how mysterious and edgy the band itself seems to be. I mean, on-stage argument and offstage fights? Sign me up!

Duke Gotcha - The face of Nowtime News has been getting a lot more popular as of late, and honestly it's all deserved! The Breaking News segments in the new games are probably my favorite new feature of the post-Flash era, and his expressions are a huge part of what sell 'em, so good on him for that! Duke... Gotchaaaaaah

Edna - She's like the patron saint of the X-Zone, if you think about it. Seriously though, I really find it interesting how she was tied to the X twins and the overarching lore of the Flipverse (properly honored in her fantastic Style B)! And her being an old seamstress gives her a great pinch of flavor on top of that

Elle - We may not know anything about her or even who her creator really was, so there's not much to go off with her... But that's kind of her charm, in a way. She could be anything! She's a mystery about herself, and that's pretty cool if you ask me

Ember - Spicy one! People don't really talk about her also being a scoutmaster, which is a shame because that's one of my favorite aspects of her character. Every day I pray Camping Season becomes a holiday just so we can get her in her official scoutmaster uniform

Emmlette - She's a drama teacher, how can I not love her? Being a student of the performing arts myself, I really do see a lot of my past acting teachers in her. They really did do their research when they made her! Also if you don't love her egg motif, you're just lying to yourself

Evelyn - Every time I think of her, I think of that one fanfic that accurately predicted her to be a retired movie star. Like it actually blew my mind when they revealed her flipdeck, that was a crazy day in Flipline history if you ask me. And they did hint that she'd be Olivia's grandma with those black olive wristbands, I always like to see design hints like that!

Fernanda - I often think about how she's the one who convinced Franco to take the risk and start Fernaco Architecture. There's something frankly so sweet about how the name of the company would also be their ship name. Plus, everyone loves a good poncho! And her jewelry's pretty great too

Foodini - Showing up at the end of every ingame day, it's probably safe to say Foodini's one of the most iconic characters to the whole franchise, up there with the ranks of Papa Louie himself! I really dig the whole game show host aesthetic, sometimes wonder if the hat design choice was a reference to the late Chuck Barris

Franco - He's absolutely rich with lore. Moving to Burgerburgh for his architecture job, starting a family there, then moving back to his hometown to chase his dreams and become an architecture magnate... He's made a veritable mark on the Flipverse as a whole! Also he has a really fun bodytype

Georgito - Honestly, Tony was goddamn hilarious for this one. Imagine being the original George friend who was insistent on being added as a specifically wealthy customer, and then getting depicted as the leprechaun of the Flipverse. Godspeed, Tony! Georgito himself is a rather dapper individual on his own, and I will say he's probably one of the very few cases where "smooth shading" hair has looked genuinely good

Gino Romano - My favorite Romano! I always do love an underdog. The way that he's a repeat fan of St. Paddy's Day and Bavariafest does paint quite a vivid picture of his flavorly tastes, and the fact that he was one of the founding members of the band is an interesting tidbit! And one more thing, I think it's pretty heavily implied that he has gigantism—making him another member of the disability rep crew

Greg - Kids usually hate tomatoes, so it's refreshing to see one that can't get enough of them! Also the fact that the sentient tomatoes from the platformers became one of his core personality traits. lol

Gremmie - The classic Freezeria closers have a soft spot in my heart, and Gremmie's no exception! There's plenty to be said about his uniquely crooked posture and his face-covering hair, but what I really like about him is how threatening his general vibe is. Wish he was a closer more often...

Hacky Zak - Yeah yeah, his old hair wasn't any good at all. But it does go to show that Matt & Tony listen to the fans, I really started to like Hacky once they changed it up! He rocks that hoodie, you have to admit

Hank - As short of a flipdeck that he has, Hank's definitely made his mark as a remarkable customer. I enjoy the way he's had very brief moments of being a closer, and the fact he hates night shifts does stir the imagination quite nicely. Plus, it's kinda funny how they always reach for him when they need a policeman character even though he's literally just a highway patrolman

Hope - There's something about her that's particularly unique. I think it's the unnaturally wide eyes, the resting grin, and how messed up some of her orders can get (WHAT was that BTC Freezeria order??) that makes her come off as vaguely unsettling... And I wouldn't want to have it any other way. Honestly it's great that they can go so wild on a KCP customer, goes to show that everyone has a place and a personality in this universe

Hugo - DJ Honey Buster is in the house! Him and his Warped Records record store have quite the history in the Flipverse, what with that one Travel Trout post designating it as the last of its kind. Hugo's a fighter! I also love how he modeled his DJ persona after his favorite kind of sauce. You'll never catch him eatin a burger with no honey mustard

Iggy - Every series with an ensemble cast of characters has to have at least ONE nerd, let's be real. Iggy sure does deliver! I love his color scheme, the way the highlights of yellow contrast the purple is really striking! And his flipdeck info is a lovely window into the in-universe sci-fi situation, I wonder what a show based off of Meteor Blaster could possibly look like

Indigo - Lots of forum FCs fall into the "fashionista" category, but frankly I don't think anyone does it like Indigo does! She absolutely KILLED it with Volcano Gala, I imagine that it was her and her alone who designed all those special outfits (even Pally's). And we love her for it!

Isadora - If you read between the lines of her flipdeck, it seems that she's another member of the implied disability crew! Honestly her flipdeck info pretty accurately aligns with the experience I had in middle school, so I did find the thing personally relatable for what it's worth. Also I like to imagine she made her Style A by cutting up the school uniform that was her Style B and turning it into a brand new outfit

Ivy - She's really so much more than a funny hairdo, if it weren't for her we wouldn't have Travel Trout! And who doesn't love her outfit? I've seen plenty of people lobby for her scarf in PLP and I couldn't agree more, she's fashion

James - Don't be grossed out that he uses a plunger as a weapon, it's clearly a drain plunger and not a toilet plunger. He's not swinging around a toilet pooper or anything. I'm getting off track, James is great! Love that he's one of the few customers to tout a name tag, and his unique facial proportions leave quite the impression

Janana - They literally couldn't have exaggerated the banana motif more. And that's what I love about her! On the other hand, I like how her flipdeck info couldn't have less to do with bananas. Most of the outsiders seem to be surprised when I tell 'em she's actually a music agent. I also like how the bands she manages have slowly started to show up more in the games lately

Johnny - Another character who has a whole lot going on under the surface. Behind the whole "attractive werewolf lumberjack" thing that most people fixate on, the man sells Christmas trees he chopped himself & consistently earns medals in the annual Woodchop Show! More people should talk about the Maple Mountain Woodchop Show if you ask me, tbh

Jojo - What can't be said about Jojo? In terms of gameplay, he's probably the most unique customer in the series! And there's the mystery on whether he's balding or has a luscious head of hair, since we never see him without some kind of head covering—I love seeing everyone's different takes (I'm a balding truther myself)

Julep - She comes packaged with some fantastic lore about Cornelius Poweder and the history of Powder point, and that flower dress in her Style B is frankly gorgeous. Also her whole name/design is a play on mint juleps, which is great

Kahuna - He's got a great contrast with Gremmie as the island's two surfer dudes, him being the native Hawaiian to Grem's Californian surfer dude, but he's also very much a force to be reckoned with by his own merits. Like his surfboard craftsmanship and surfing prowess! By all means, Kahuna is indeed the best surfer on Calypso Island at any given time! That's just canon, we all know Gremmie's an amateur at best...

Kaleb - I liked him ever since I laid eyes on him, the mystery behind what his deal is was probably his biggest draw at the time. And they revealed him to be the Hot Topic manager Funko Pop collector... I can earnestly say I did NOT see that one coming. Also his familial relationship with Trishna is pretty cute!

Kasey O - For some reason she's also one of the less popular customers, which is frankly a crime because good GOD she's badass. Like, she straight up leads a wrestling stable! She WON the Women's World Championship!! She has a charity and visits kids in hospitals in her own time!!! And to think that some people are so shallow to relegate her to the "dorito girl" with unconventional facial proportions, god knows how that's measured... Sometimes the fans disappoint me beyond what words can describe

Kayla - Whatta lady. There's something about her rise in the acting world that I aspire to achieve, rising from commercial work to Windie acclaim... That's how my wildest fantasies play out, isn't it the way. There's also something to be said about her fantastic choice in jewelry! I always prefer to keep her in her Style A because I love that bracelet so very much

Kenji - Another underrated customer to shine a light on! While his flipdeck info practically boils down to "he eats (wow!)", there's some hidden depths in his goofy little alternate outfits and the fact that he hates dining etiquette more than anything else. Man does NOT bother with the cutlery I can tell you that much

Kenton - A character created by someone I'm acquainted with, that's a first for this list! I was very hyped to see Kenton rise up to the top, all the way down to seeing his Style B be designed before it made its appearance ingame. Did you know that according to his creator-made bio, he didn't see his parents hardly ever growing up? (just his dad specifically, mom died at age 7)

Kingsley - Hail to the king baby! This guy's been through a lot of different suits throughout his career (I specifically remember him touting the all-yellow suit throughout my whole childhood), and every time he serves it on a golden platter. Even without the Customerpalooza thing in his name, the man is one of the most iconic characters of the franchise, and a solid character in his own right! He doesn't like hecklers, which I find amusing

Koilee - That koi dress seriously BLOWS ME AWAY, I cannot get over how good it looks with that scale detail. Like genuinely, the way they drew that blows me away... Peak Flipline artstyle. And as a character, I love how she lives so peacefully in Sakura Bay while balancing a job over in Oniontown. I like to imagine there's a sophisticated train system that gets her there, and that she got fired from the aquarium before vacationing in Oniontown to get her mind off of things

LePete - The first of the three baddie fans, LePete definitely stands out in the trio. He comes off as more serious than the other two, which I really like to lean into in my ongoing Life in the Flipverse comic... And also he wears a COCONUT on his HEAD that's amazing come on! I do like how he's the only one to never have actually been to Munchmore before, at least canonically speaking

Liezel - WOohoo! People have sung her praises plenty before, so I'll take the time to appreciate the lesser-pronounced aspects of her character, like how she didn't favor the same holiday twice until Mocharia or her undying dedication to spumoni. Spumoni's great! Wish it was more widely available... Also the whole "parmesan kiwi" thing in sushiria was one of her more memorable moments, especially before her flipdeck reveal

Lisa - A fantastic Burgeria era customer, one of the best even! That unique hairstyle really makes her stand out in the grand scheme of customers, and I find that they did a really good job establishing her role in the Fernaco family while making sure she was her own person as well.

Little Edoardo - It's definitely easy to see why he is (or was) Tony's favorite character! The elder of the Romano Family Quartet, this man is a notably unique addition to the family in multiple ways. His early streak of having weird gameria orders was fun, even if that title was later relegated to Xandra and Xolo. And of course, the Pastaria story was really adorable to see unfold! Edoardo and Olga make such a cute couple, which I know is something of an unpopular opinion but it's my opinion nonetheless

Lloyd - FINALLY, they let an old man be athletic for once! Lloyd's one of the characters that admittedly weirded me out the first time I saw him, but ultimately grew on me as the time went on. And it's also pretty neat how they let us have a centenarian customer on the official payroll, too

Maggie - From aimlessly drifting through life to Taco Mia worker to accomplished politician, Maggie's got one of the most comprehensive character arcs in the whole series! There's also something to be said about her representation of Cinco de Mayo, which I'm hoping to see possibly return in Paleteria (I know it'll go hard in this game I just KNOW it)

Makaila - Well, there's always gonna be one character you struggle with... She may be a landlord who rubbed capitalism all over the shores of Calypso island, but I do have to admit that her hexagon motif & Style B dress-coat combo really do strike a fantastic design! And I guess that in a meta sense, it is nice to have a more morally ambiguous customer in the mix

Mandi - I'll admit it's a bit harder to distinguish where the line is between real life and in-universe for Mandi, even more so than with other IRL customers, but nonetheless she makes it work! The owl motif is really really cute, especially with that Wendy's Wheels kart! Wouldn't be surprised if she dresses up as an owl for Halloween, heh.

Marty - Scarlett and the Shakers just wouldn't be the same without him! Marty's diamond motif doesn't come up as much as the other members' respective suits do, but I think that kind of adds to his own offbeat style in a way. He's definitely more of a free spirit with the burguitar and all, I just know he brings a unique flavor to the band. Outside of that, I like how one of his more noteworthy traits is having a beloved hatchback

Mary - MarySue is one of the fandom's most decorated ships, and for good reason! Mary is one of those characters who is completely brimming with personality, from her flipdeck all the way down to the design of her kart. Painter by day, bagpiper by night, full-time pug enjoyer! She's like the sun to Sue's moon in that sense, with her enthusiasm for life meshing with Sue's hard-working demeanor

Matt - While I know this is about the customers as characters and not real individuals, I have to give a shoutout to Matt for being one of the most genuinely pleasant people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. As a customer, I really dig how he goes full sports fan in his Style B! And for one of the hockey teams no less, you don't see those get much rep in the Flipverse

Mayor Mallow - As far as politician characters go, you have to admit this guy's inherently one of the funnier ones. I mean just look at him! The way is posture tilts so far back, the rosy cheeks he always has, having a big letter M for a belt buckle... I can just tell they were having so much fun when they designed him. Also he loves parades and hates debates, lmao

Mesa - Another no-info KCP winner, so we have to go on design alone for her. And her design really carries her far! She just oozes style, from the top of her mini top hat to the bottom of her fiery patterned dress! And the color orange really elevates the red-black color scheme of her outfit! Dare I say it, her design is strong enough to rival those of the official customers. She deserved her KCP win through and through

Mindy - She's quirkyyy. Love her evolving look throughout the years & how her hair color is always fluid... I wonder if she's ever experimented with being a redhead. Wonder what other hair experiments she's done on herself and her boyfriend, I bet that man's mop was nasty before he met her (honestly the more I think about their dynamic the more I realize just how fun it can get)

Mitch - The funny man!!! Mitch and his messy mess!!! Big fan of how he contrasts with his coworker Maggie, while she's made big things of herself and is very accomplished all Mitch wants to do is eat food like Kenji and go outside. And eat hot chip and lie. The outdoorsman aspect is something I realize I kinda gloss over in my head more often than not

Moe/The Dynamoe - Again, fan favorite characters! I already posted that long and comprehensive speculation on Moe's possible Moe-tivations and the creation of the alter ego Dynamoe, so let's focus more on his design: It was a real stroke of genius to have him turn the color scheme on his head between outfits! Compare that to Joy/Ninjoy, where the red/blue of her work outfit can combine to be the purple of her hero costume... Neat stuff innit? Love his spiffy white gloves too

Mousse - Oniontown's definitely one of the more dingy locations in the Flipverse, and Mousse provides a pretty comprehensive window into that seedy underbelly that hides under the surface of tourism and history. I'd do anything to get official backdrops of the Gingersnap Lounge... The twins also really make themselves known in their orders, always keeping the light/dark food theme consistent between games. Or is it whipped cream/choco mousse theme? Hm

Mr. Bombolony - His name is DOB for crying out loud... He writes PARODY SONGS and SINGS THEM for the morning announcements... And even just his design, that goofy oversized shirt he proudly wears... There isn't a single aspect about this man that isn't absurdly hilarious, and I completely adore him for it. A walking legend. Dob Bombolony, destroyer of worlds and purveyor of DadCringe

Nevada - If I were a member of the Flipverse, I would ABSOLUTELY stop by her storefront and grab me some genuine ocean jewelry. One of the things that I've always liked about Nevada is the way she accessorizes her head specifically—the feathered hairpiece, those tinted glasses, and the double braid of her hair are what make her an icon!

Nick - I've always had a soft spot for Nick. He's just a sorta clumsy kid who loves life on the rapids, sometimes he wears his safety gear and sometimes he doesn't. What you see is what you get with Nick, and that's what I like about him! Also I wonder how he ended up being friends with Mitch, though the two of them being outdoorsy types seems to lead to an obvious conclusion

Ninjoy/Joy - Ahh, what would the Flipverse be without her? I always found it downright fascinating that the vigilante hero of the Flipverse is related to Papa himself by blood. And her distaste for Nowtime News is incredibly interesting too, for all the questions it raises about what the tension is like: Do Duke Gotcha and Shannon have the same beef as the rest of the corporation? How does Nowtime depict The Dynamoe? And what does Joy think about the corporation when she's not busy being Ninjoy? All very intriguing questions that just wouldn't be possible without her, you go girl

Nye - He canonically has a sugar daddy. Straight up, his creator has confirmed that he has a sugar daddy & has created a design for said sugar daddy. That is INSANE especially for what this series is... But enough about that, Nye stands quite well on his own even without that aspect of his character. The Style B he wears does an incredibly excellent job of balancing two different patterns without it becoming overbearing on the design, which is pretty tough to pull off well!

Okalani - Even after the hotbed of controversy that was her flipdeck, I find that Okalani's really a great customer through and through. I just know she has the most wonderful friendship with the other island locals... And you can't deny that her hairstyle is beautiful

Olga - Like I said with Little Ed, the marriage and relationship has gotta be one of the cutest things Flipline's done! And the fact she still wears that wedding dress as her Style B outfit is both amusing and adorable, if I do say so myself

Olivia - They managed to strike a beautiful compromise between goofy and stylish in her design, a trait befitting of her status as the party girl! She's also quite a shining example of how to properly execute an offbeat color scheme, everything comes together really well in both her outfits (and the holiday ones too, but those ones switch the colors up)

Pally - Never gonna be able to forgive the fans for how they treated Pally at first. There isn't a better representative for PLP out there! The gimmick of having outfits from the ingame holiday clothes selection was great at displaying the lesser-used items, but I think Pally really found her true potential when the flipdeck hit the pages—she might just be the most powerful optimist in the whole Flipverse! And I mean the WHOLE Flipverse, across every dimension they have

Papa Louie - The man himself. The FACE of the series. The Italian mustache monopoly man with the pizza procuring prowess... And we really do owe it all to him, Flipline Studios wouldn't be what it is today without him! As a character, I have to say that he's surprisingly versatile. Some depict him as the friendly lovable chef that the universe paints him as, some show him as a despicable greedy crook who throws anyone under the bus at the drop of a hat... And frankly I'm glad that he gets this much variance

Peggy - Country girls make do. Peggy's design might not be the flashiest, but she really does feel authentic as a cowgirl. And it's quite charming how she's like the flagship character for spicy foods, even more so than Ember the firefighter and Mesa the, uh... Fire motif! On top of that, her hairstyle is an interesting one to pick apart as well. I always imagined that her cowgirl activities kick up enough dust to make her hair go stiff, which is why it curls up against gravity like that

Penny - Love her or hate her... Who am I kidding, why would anyone hate her! Even the most jaded of us have to admit that the whole flower motif she has is adorable. And there's also something impressive about her being present in every game in the franchise, all the way back to the original WPA! I wish some of the Youtubers were more normal about her, though... But bemoaning the weirdos isn't what this list is about

Perri - I must say it's quite bold for a cyclist character to never be seen wearing a real helmet, but there's so much more to Perri than just her looks. She lives in a WINDMILL! She bought a windmill and turned it into her HOME! One can only imagine the whimsy that she lives through every day

Petrona - If anyone in this universe deserves the title of girlboss, it's Petrona without a doubt. Her flipdeck may not have been the longest, but it got the job done quickly and efficiently. Much like herself! I like how even her design reflects her no-nonsense attitude and determined work ethic

Pinch Hitwell - Sometimes I think about how the only named baseball player we know of so far is a substitute batter. And how he's apparently a good enough substitute batter to appear on a poster for oatmeal cookies... Also how he doesn't even order oatmeal cookies in that game, despite being on THE POSTER FOR IT alright enough of that tangent. I have to be genuine here, I really consider Pinch one of my favorite customers! There's just something so charming about his looks, his new outfits for each town, and the way he always keeps finding new ways to surprise us

Professor Fitz - Again, no ensemble cast of characters is complete without at least one eccentric scientist! Professor Fitz delivers on every front, from his bow tie to his lightning bolt hair, and the notable tinge of green in his outfit really helps him stand out in the realm of scientist characters. And we can't forget that his title of professor isn't just as a scientist, but as an academic too!

Prudence - People rag on Flipline for having weirder names as the games went on, but she goes to show that odd names have always been at the heart of the series. Her relationship with Pickle is really nice too, very fun to see someone who carries a dog in a bag! For some reason I've always associated her with Elle Woods of Legally Blonde (and vice versa)

Quinn - And here she is, the reigning queen of the closer lineup! Her constant presence as a closer marks her as a familiar face to even the most fledgling greenhorns of the franchise. The vast amount of differing headcanons I've seen for her do well to stimulate the imagination, from the divorce scenarios of the forum to the rom-com fanworks this site has to offer! Whether they revolve around Timm or not, it's always a pleasure to see people's takeaways on such a unique customer

Radlynn - Radish girl radish girl radish girl. As far as the baddie fans trio goes, her position is unique in that she personally MET Radley, and that iconic knit hat was a gift from him to her! There's also something special about how her Style B is literally Radley's very own outfit from his own debut appearance, down to that wide brimmed hat and goggles. That's dedication

Rhonda - Glad to have a real trucker on the character lineup, and as far as trucker characters go, I don't think I've ever seen any quite like her! I don't express it often, but she's definitely one of the higher tier customers in my personal rankings. And her relationship with Rico is by far my favorite official canon pairing!

Rico - Byeah incarnate. His character arc happened humourously quick, with him being a rough biker in his intro and then immediately mellowing out once he hit the shores of Calypso. The chili arc was a great one too, with his recipe making it all the way into the ranks of Papa's very own restaurants! His chili even gets served up at the Pastaria, and they're a very high class establishment so you KNOW his chili is god tier

Ripley - We have a customer directly tied to Munchmore! Hell yeah! Her expeditions were by far one of the most interesting things to happen to the blog since, well... Ever! I really do miss those posts, they were a great way to get a better look at that dimension & Ripley's quirky way of speaking was a sight to behold too

Rita - The forumers have a bad tendency to sell Rita short. While her Burgeria job may be a noted part of her personality, she's also got some extra depths of her own! Like how she straight up moved to Burgerburgh when she won her job, or the way her outfit's slowly evolved over the years. I'm not kidding, that outfit progression is genuinely a sight to behold! And of course how can I not mention the film buff aspect of her personality, considering she's basically the FACE of Sugarplex Film Fest

Robby - This man was stranded on an island for 3 years. It's highly likely he was the only survivor of the shrimp boat capsizing... And how did he emerge from this experience? As a PIRATE! I dare say that's one of my favorite takes I've ever seen on a castaway story

Rollie - Oh, how I love him. There's just something I personally find so charming about Rollie... It might be his outfit, maybe it's his detailed backstory, the Halloween costume definitely factors into it... But one thing is for certain: His status as my all-time favorite customer isn't going anywhere! Keep rollin' on, you magnificent man

Roy - I'd argue he's just as important to the series as Papa is, if not more (at least for the mainline gamerias). The perpetually exhausted heir to the franchise's name, Roy really is much more than a mere delivery boy—he's the wheels that keep the original Pizzeria moving! And I really like how much of his personality comes out in the Style B, he clearly knows how to rock outside of work

Rudy - He's definitely the one who keeps the punk in ska-punk, that's a given. And he also goes to show how even a bassist can be a standout member of a band! Even outside of Scarlett and the Shakers, he's got quite a unique set of circumstances. His flipdeck establishes his deep connection to Powder Point as a town, as well as showing how much he absolutely despises Guy Mortadello above anything or anyone else... It's always funny when a flipdeck lists a character's hates as another established character

Santa - Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Figy Pudding! While it's incredibly funny on its own that Santa is real and casually eats at restaurants in broad daylight in this universe, it's also really funny how his existence means that every customer in this series now has a Ryu number of 2, if you're familiar with that at all. I've known people who want Santa Claus carnally

Sarge Fan - What I find fun about him is that while the other two baddie fans at least have some connection to their respective bosses, Sarge Fan kinda... Doesn't. Radlynn met Radley when she was young, LePete found a crumpled poster of his hero, and Sarge Fan... Nothing happened, he's just like that for some reason! Love a guy who's just an inexplicable little freak. Also he runs the Pop Dart stand in Powder Point when Foodini's off the clock, which is its own little mystery in itself

Sasha - She's part of the school's marching band and debate team, she's an apprentice cheesemaker, she's always got a loving family to fall back on... We have a pretty clear picture of what Sasha's life is like, don't we? And of course there's her notable obsession with the creatures of Munchmore, which seems to imply that her memories from her time there were deeply cherished, formative even

Scarlett - And of course, the face of Scarlett and the Shakers! I really like how it's listed that she hates Pop Music (girl would NEVER be a Swiftie, in fact I bet none of the SatS members are) and how she wears so many different hats as a member of the band, metaphorically. She's the lead singer, she writes all the songs, and she'll even bust out extra instruments when the show calls for them! Talk about a renaissance gal!

Scooter - I remember back when playing the platformers in my youth, she became my go-to character pick because the skateboard was just THAT fun. And I also really groove with her cherrybomb motif! Plus, she's a strong contender for the hardest pose anyone's ever hit in a flipdeck

Shannon - She was Nowtime News before Nowtime News was even a fleshed-out thing! I've always been fond of her eclectic style. Especially how her sweater used to have a mismatched button, I wish they didn't patch that out... Team Gotcha just wouldn't be Team Gotcha without her

Sienna - She is REALLY dedicated to autumn! Even if Thanksgiving gets replaced someday (hopefully), I'll never be able to see her favor any holiday outside of that three-month bracket... She just straight-up is the season of fall incarnate, see? Anyways she's also got quite a backstory on her back, having grown up in Toastwood only to find a new beautiful home in Portallini! Something about the detail that she's struggling to make friends also makes me feel for her, like a window into her personal life

Simone - She's THE lo-fi girl and don't you forget it! One thing I always liked about her is how her outfit and hairstyle look like something straight out of the Sims future expansion pack, if that's anything to go off of. Gives her a really pointed vibe, it does! And let's not forget how the meaning of her name is "listening", to go alongside Didar's meaning of sight and vision—they did their name research!

Skip - There's a lot of things I like about Skip. His ever-present love for pistachios, his trait of being a tailgating football fan, heck even the way they designed his stubble... But above it all, what I really think is the best part of Skip is the tenderness that he has deep down, shown by his care of Pastrami. Rat owners tend to be mistreated by their peers, just as the animal itself is strongly associated as being a pest to be eraticated, so the fact that he proudly carries Pastrami everywhere shows that Skip has true compassion that shines beyond the hatred and intolerance of the world around him... And for that, I can't help but love him

Skyler - Remnants of Skystone may be long lost media at this point, but I'm glad that we got Skyler out of it! On top of being references to the now-gone MMO, her outfits are absolutely stunning on their own, quite unlike anything any of the other customers have. There's also the touch of her being a jewelry student who uses her talents for steampunk cosplay, which is a fabulous way of making it make sense in-universe!

Sprinks the Clown - I've always had something of a deep respect for those who pursue a career in clown performance, even having dreamed of such a thing as a youth myself. So I may have something of a soft spot for a working clown like Sprinks, sue me. I quite like how they explained her Style B as her dedication to the craft even on her worst days, which I also find really admirable! You have to be strong to be a clown, and she's certainly stronger than I could ever be

Steven - While his looks are deceivingly simple, his creator left a paragraph that really defined how I perceive the man. I believe it was implied that he plays in a punk-metal band at night, which is already pretty badass on its own! Seems to be supported by his consistent favoring of Groovstock, which is pretty good attention to detail from Matt and Tony. Steven's bio also mentioned that he has a "hot chest" multiple times, for whatever that's worth...

Sue - The second half of the whole that is MarySue, Sue is a true powerhouse of a character. I have to compliment how well they work as a couples dynamic, with Sue's irritability and Mary's general exuberance, I can easily imagine how Mary helps to relieve the daily stress that Sue endures while Sue helps keep Mary grounded in reality... Even if we don't explicitly see it, they really do have great chemistry!

Taylor - Taylor's probaly one of the best classic customers in the set, franky speaking. I do appreciate how his outfits contain remnants of bygone eras, such as his walkman in the Style A and the power glove in the Style B... Really goes to show how long this series has been around, hm? And I really love how they accomplished the earbud effect by utilizing the back hair sprites!

Timm - I'll be damned, he's fantastic! He's definitely made his mark around here, what with the association with Quinn & all the baggage that comes with that. And I do often think about his "very manly perm" alongside his prominently displayed chest hair... Put that in your pipe and smoke it, eh?

Tohru - While I may have had my qualms with her general reception, I cannot deny that Tohru is a very solid character in her own right. I gotta respect the fact that she's a stage crew member, of course, and her being a let's player opens up a world of possibilities for fun gaming scenarios to put her in. And her design, of course! I really do adore the button motif they gave her in the Bakeria refresh, and her updated pigtails are honestly a real treat to look at. And the color scheme's great too

Tony - Aside from being the creative genius behind all these characters, Tony's a pretty fun customer to have around himself! Love love LOVE that Mothman costume, and how it pushes the boundaries of what can be done in the Flipline artstyle. I also find it fun how you can customize the length of his hair once you unlock both his styles

Treble - They were a star ever since they first appeared! Gotta say that them receiving their flipdeck in the eleventh hour of pride month was one hell of a clutch. Flipline did a really good job on the characterization front, I don't think any of us were expecting them to be an auto shop high schooler but I'm not complaining! Only makes the alt-punk outfit more poignant, really

Trishna - Fashionista! As a customer, she adds distinct flavor to the Whiskview Mall employee lineup while still managing to fit in with the general vibe. She also absolutely nails the fashionista angle, from the casual Style A to her over-the-top elegant Style B! And you gotta love that custom phone case she touts in that flipdeck pic

Utah - Being the only non-closer Calypso Island native in the original Freezeria, Utah definitely had an important impact in her debut appearance. I theorize that's how she became such a popular customer in the first place... One thing I like is how pink lemonade quickly became one of her defining characteristics, I mean just look at her Wendy's Wheels kart! Oh, and she absolutely killed it in her Summer Luau exclusive outfit... I dare say it's even better than her regular styles

Vicky - It's been said before but I have to reiterate it, Vicky haters are the weakest link. She's got impeccable style, she's got mom cred with Mindy, and she maaay not have that much talent as a makeup artist but we still love her just the same! I really do find it wholesome how she and her daughter both run the salon, a true family business that it is

Vincent - And speaking of family business! Always ready with the customer coupon and Style B deliveries, it's easy to get familiar with his recurring face. And apparently vice versa, considering he goes all across the globe for his deliveries & remembers EVERYONE'S name that he meets... Honestly that's kind of insane when you wrap your head around it! One thing I found surprising is that the bag he wears is entirely removable with the right tools, and doing so reveals that his jacket had a secret zipper all along... The intricacies of the character models never cease to amaze

Wally - The Mayonnaise Man himself, where do we even begin... Well, how about his fishing history? Ever since his debut, he's always had an association with fish, with the whole anchovy thing kind of being the entire basis of his flipdeck. Fishing is clearly in his blood, with what we see in his Style B alluding to either a hobby or a history as a fisherman, probably both... Yeah yeah I know, I've said it a thousand times already, but the hidden depths of these characters really do go a very long way.

Wendy - She's so cool! Even the two-tone plastic frame glasses start looking a little badass when she sports 'em, not easy to do that! And we gotta give her the respect she deserves for being the driving force behind all these Wendy's Wheels updates, which remain to this day the greatest ongoing blog feature (not counting sneak peeks)

Whiff - He may have bad posture and an odd expression, but that shouldn't get in the way of his worth as a customer, should it? For what it's worth, the man's outfit really compliments his character, and you're just flat-out lying if you deny how hard he rocks the tattoos! Like come on, they're gummeels! And considering the artstyle, you have to admit that it's pretty funny that he hates leg day when nobody has any legs

Whippa - The other Oniontown twin, let's see. I talked about the twins' info with Mousse, so let's shine more of a spotlight on their designs this time. Love 'em! Love how their opaque shades build them up as threatening people from the get-go, love how their outfit patterns are shared between styles, and it's quite good how they're both essentially the skinniest twigs to walk the Flipverse so far. Whippa in particular really goes above and beyond with her outfit, that slick white hairstyle absolutely slams down! And the Style B, oh good LORD that is one hell of a slick Style B

Willow - There's always gotta be a goth girl, hum? As far as goths go, I appreciate the unique angle they went for with Willow! They weren't afraid to go all out with the teal, and her Style B only goes farther with the bright colors! Her flipdeck info serves a good deal too, she's a very shy poet and she cares for her pet tarantula Jackie very dearly. Speaking of, Jackie! The greatest pet in the whole Flipverse, bar none, even past the likes of Smokie and Pastrami

Wylan B - Y'know, there's some kind of subtle nuance in the way both he and his dad try a little too hard to be seen as "cool" that comes back around to being cringe, but both in generationally different ways. A neat touch all things considered... Also that Style B goes absolutely INSANE

Xandra - Weirdgirl representation! While there's plenty to be said about her and her brother's place in the universe, this is still about their strengths as indiviuals. One thing Xandra has over her brother is her fabulous tutu and the makeup to match! Plus, her clown costume is kind of just generally better than Xolo's

Xolo - As for things that Xolo leads the race in, one need not look farther than his magical fantabulous scarf! Really, I think that it's one of his best features, alongside those rockstar-like torn sleeves. Definitely paints him as the rougher, tougher side of the family... Also, his pants being all patched up with patches connects him to his foster mother Edna in a really cute way

Yippy - Cookie Scouts! We know about them thanks to her. She's really a lot more hardworking than she seems on the surface, given how she somehow makes enough money as a cookie scout to visit the restaurants as often as the grown-up regulars do. And her Creameo belt buckle wass a very inspired choicie to go along her cookie theme

Yui - I'm not entirely sure what official information for her is out there to be honest, but even without it, she's a very strong customer! Her orders certainly make a strong impression, and that Style B of hers might just be one of the greatest Style Bs ever put to a KCP contestant!

Yuko - Hey, the first customer to carry around a prop! That parasol of hers is probably one of my favorite design decisions done to a recent customer, especially how it makes her Style B shine like the sun! Her info was also quite full of surprises, such as how she's the mother of Prudence and how she was one of the original Pizzeria apartment residents. Can't wait to meet Espen!

Zoe - Last but certainly not least, my favorite hippie! Speaking of props, I really love the way that she always has her guitar on her. And that beautiful paisley pattern that decorates her outfit really adds to her design too! I do like how her dream in life isn't anything overly ambitious or grandiose, she just wants to own a coffee shop and support the arts with it. Truly a good person to the core, she is! And her fear of heights is a very interesting cherry on top

That took a couple days, but it was fun! Really worth the effort. Can you tell how passionate about this series and all its characters

#papa louie #flipline studios #flipline #papa's pizzeria #I really hope I didn't miss anyone #also I intend to share this to the forum too so I had to pull the reins on the swearing a little #also the keep reading cutoff goes down a paragraph every time I edit this. I have to readjust it

94 notes · View notes

markrosewater · 2 years ago

Note

Happy birthday! Can we get some birthday trivia about you on your birthday?

Sure. I turn 56 today, so here’s fifty-six things you may or may not know about me.

1) I never lost a baby tooth. Every one had to be extracted.

2) I was once a contestant on Trivial Pursuit: The Game Show with Wink Martindale. I answered the most questions correct, but didn’t win.

3) I once had scarlet fever (the thing the boy gets in the Velveteen Rabbit).

4) I’ve been told by doctors I have very weird blood.

5) I self taught myself to juggle.

6) I was a magician when I was a kid with the stage name The Wiz Kid. I mostly performed for kids parties.

7) I was once a freelance greeting card writer. My favorite (that didn’t get printed) showed a jug of maple syrup tipped on its side making a puddle of syrup. In the syrup was a top hat. A hand is pulling a can of green paint with a shamrock out of the hat. You open up the card and it says Sappy Paint Hat Tricks Day. It’s a triple Spoonerism.

8) Sara Gilbert (of “Roseanne” fame) and I once went out for lunch. (It wasn’t a date or anything.)

9) I broke my collarbone doing a prat fall off a stage.

10) I once pet a cheetah. In South Africa. My face from the picture of me doing that was used as my “Making Magic” photo for years.

11) I once made a root beer float for Keanu Reeves. It was at a play I was volunteering for.

12) I once get trapped inside Fred Astaire’s Estate. This factoid is oddly on my Wikipedia page.

13) Starting during the pandemic, my family began fostering animals. So far, we fostered four dogs, six cats, and two Guinea pigs.

14) In college, I wrote and directed two plays, started an improvisation troupe, and a writing workshop.

15) I still have all my wisdom teeth.

16) I have visited every continent except Antarctica for Magic.

17) I once asked Clint Eastwood for directions, not realizing who it was until he started talking. I was lost on the Warner Brothers lot.

18) My first job in Hollywood resulted from me taking part in someone else’s interview. I snuck on the lot, and ended walking into a room where they asked “Are you here for the production assistant interview?”, and I said, “Yes.”

19) I once had a disease the doctors couldn’t identify. They called it Mark’s Disease.

20) I was born in Mississippi. My dad was in the Air Force at the time.

21) I asked out seven woman to my senior prom who all turned me down. I ended up going with a friend who also couldn’t get a date.

22) I took six years of Spanish.

23) Most of my family’s vacations growing up were ski vacations, so I’m a decent skier.

24) I once delivered a pizza to Richard Gere. It was as a production assistant, not a pizza delivery person.

25) I once broke into an actor’s apartment building to deliver a script. It was so late, they were asleep and didn’t hear the buzzing of the door bell.

26) I once drove six hours (three in each direction) to pick up one five-stick package of Blackjack gum as a runner (production assistant).

27) Dennis Miller once thought I was a crazy man. I was sent to get him from the parking lot for a shoot and he thought I was stalking him.

28) I have over two hundred tee-shirts. They are organized by color.

29) I was supposed to pitch to “The Simpsons”, but it got cancelled when I got hired in the “Roseanne” staff.

30) I pitched multiple times to “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, but never sold a script. The closest I got was a pitch about Data malfunctioning.

31) I once ate crocodile. In Australia.

32) I played the Tinman in fifth grade in a production of “The Wizard of the Oz”. I was so hot, my silver make-up had to be reapplied halfway through as I sweated it off.

33) My mother turned down being on “Oprah” to come to my college graduation.

34) My parents are both retired. My dad was a dentist and my mom a psychologist. I used to joke I had a “paradox”.

35) Every birthday since I was 9, I’ve celebrated my birthday with crab legs.

36) Since I was in grade school, every Valentine’s Day, I hand out candy hearts, and every Halloween, I hand out mellowcreme pumpkins (basically pumpkin shaped candy corns).

37) My tee-shirts every week are themed. Some themes are pretty obvious, but they often get tricky. R&D likes figuring out the theme.

38) I got a BS in Communications (no, really) from Boston University’s College of Communications.

39) I collect superhero Minimates (they look Lego-ish). I have somewhere around two thousand. They are displayed in a number of cabinets built by my dad.

40) My podcast was inspired by a talk by Kevin Smith (at San Diego Comic-Con) where he said anyone could make a podcast.

41) I have attended over twenty-five San Diego Comic-Cons.

42) I am related to Lorne Green of “Bonanza” fame.

43) My dad’s family came from Germany and my mom’s from Russia. In Germany, my family’s name was Rosenvasser, but it was changed to Rosewater when they came to the U.S.

44) There are so few Rosewaters in the United States, that if you meet a Rosewater odds are I’m related to them.

45) I have lived in five states (Mississippi, Ohio, Massachusetts, California, and Washington, in that order).

46) I have visited over thirty states for Magic.

47) I once met Jim Henson when I worked on a clip show that Kermit was on. The question I asked him was if Ernie and Bert were named after the characters from “It’s a Wonderful Life”. He said not consciously. Jim Henson is one of my idols and I feel so blessed to have met him. He died a few months later.

48) I met Stan Lee at Hascon. He is another of my idols that I feel so lucky to have met.

49) On “Roseanne”, I worked with Amy Sherman-Palladino (just Amy Sherman back then) and Chuck Lorre. She made “Gilmore Girls” and “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”. He made “Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men”. Amy was super sweet and we got along well. I don’t think Chuck liked me.

50) I am a super picky eater. For example, except for apples, I don’t eat fruit. I hate bananas with a passion.

51) I have been a game player since very young. My dad loves games and introduced them to me early in life.

52) I get the writing bug from my mom.

53) I used to collect lint in a giant jar. When I got married, Lora made me get rid of it. It was an impressive amount of lint.

54) I have a bad tendency to burn myself a lot. My family loves to make fun of it.

55) I own over fifty flannels. My favorites are from Japan because they are more colorful with their flannels. Normally I wear a large, but in Japanese sizes, I’m an extra large.

56) My favorite number is 254. I chose it when I was little.

180 notes · View notes

periprose · 2 years ago

Text

Florence - Chapter One

You and Peter Parker are former childhood best friends. As next door neighbours, you and him spent a great deal of time together, either at school, playing video games, or during your yearly summer vacations at Florence, Italy. But after you drifted away from him- you both went to different colleges, and you figured you wouldn't need to bother him anymore with your unrequited crush that you had never spoken of but clearly showed symptoms of- things are very awkward. It's even more so when you receive an invitation to Harry and MJ's destination wedding, located at Florence, of course.

former childhood friends to friends to lovers, mutual pining, loads of flashbacks to Florence vacations and other things, flirting, fluff and angst and eventual smut

no use of y/n, your father is Logan Howlett and you go by your last name

Masterlist | Next Chapter

It’s raining outside.

Just moments before, as you decided to go check out your mailbox, it was a hot, sunny day. Typical for June 15th- a normal, almost sunny day. Of course, technically you’re in the last days of spring, so a downpour of rain started as you were opening your mailbox.

“Aw, fucking- damn it!” You stuff the mail under your shirt, and begin running across the sidewalk.

Your hair is drenched in seconds- your shirt, too, is pretty damp- and when you’re finally at your porch, you can see so many puddles of water accumulated at your street. Weather is just crazy in New York.

One second later, you realize that you’ve left your mailbox open, and your keys are still in the keyhole of the box, so now you’re running yet again, down the street, rain making you totally wet and you know for a fact you’re going to have to change out of your clothes. You shut the mailbox door, grab your keys, and run back.

When you finally make it to your door, you’re sweating, soaked, and totally embarrassed.

May Parker- your sweet, older neighbour- is at her own porch, and she waves at you.

“Hey, Lettie. Going for an afternoon walk?” She asks, but really, she’s teasing, and you shrug. You haven’t been on the best of the terms with the Parkers lately.

“Just getting mail.” You pick up the envelopes, and quickly scan through them.

Bills, dentist appointment reminder, flyers full of coupons… baby clothing catalogue? I’m not pregnant. You think to yourself. But you see that it’s listed to M. Parker- it’s obviously for your neighbour.

“Hey, May.” You stroll over to her porch, and hand her the baby clothing catalogue. “For… you?”

“Well, not for me like that, if that’s what you’re thinking.” May laughs, and flips through it. “Loads of women come to FEAST either pregnant or with babies- and I can’t always count on donations to help them, y’know?” She says it all matter-of-fact like, but you feel bad.

You used to donate at FEAST. You even used to volunteer there, around ten years ago when you were still in high school.

Things are different now, though.

You sift through the rest of your mail, feeling too uncomfortable to just let May stand here on her own. You wonder why she’s just out- sometimes she’s drinking tea, just chilling- but she’s very clearly waiting for something.

A very, very ornate envelope is on the front of your pile, and you pick it up gingerly.

What is this? One of those charity scams where the envelope looks really prestigious, so you’re motivated to donate? You wonder, but it dawns on you slowly.

Ivory white paper.

Silky to the touch.

Rococo imprints and detailing.

Oh no… You open it up, knowing exactly what this has to be. A wedding invitation?

You’re at the age where tons of your peers are getting married. Just last year, Gwen finally married Miles in a very nice, close friends only, cozy sort of wedding. And it’s not that you feel lonely, exactly- maybe it’s just that the pressure is finally weighing in a little.

You don’t think you have to get married. You are a feminist, something you can thank your dear old dad, Logan Howlett, for, since he has never been one to pressure you on this. In fact, he has always been the first to say that you don’t need a man and you especially don’t need one of those “punk-ass kids walking around today, like they own the damn planet.”

You know that’s true. Kind of, anyways. But you still feel like you are missing out on something, like the magical, perfect ending to a story that is marriage, that everyone always talks about. Feeling left behind.

Maybe you are lonely in a different way. Maybe it feels like your peers are moving on into different stages of their life, because that is what’s happening.

Still, no need to panic. You’re just having a momentary lapse in judgement- it’s fine.

The invitation reads, in gorgeous swoopy gold lettering that has yourself smiling despite yourself:

Mary Jane “MJ” Watson and Harold Theopolis “Harry” Osborn Will be Wedded On July 21st, 2023 In Florence, Italy At the Florence Cathedral

Accommodations will be provided.

A two-week long stay will be arranged prior to your visit, with maids and chefs attending to your every need. More details will be sent soon.

Your smile drops.

You love Harry and MJ. You always knew that Harry would go all out for getting married, like he does for most things, and especially for MJ, a girl that he loves more than he loves custom cufflinks from Tiffany’s.

It doesn’t hurt that MJ is gorgeous- she’s a stunning, 5’10 model with killer longs legs and a lithe, small waist that puts her on the cover of every magazine easily. Surprisingly natural cherry-red hair that pours off her head in the most silky, straight long curtain.

But what really matters, as you always remind yourself before you get too caught up in admiring MJ’s looks and comparing yourself to her, is that MJ is a sweetheart. She always has been- always asks you how you’re doing and if you need anything, even if she herself is busy. MJ is the one who managed to soften Harry’s heart after he had a devastating fight with his father back in high school, when he was in his me-against-the-world phase.

You just wonder why they had to pick Florence, of all the places to go. Why not Tokyo, or Berlin, or Dubai? Why the one place where all your childhood memories with Peter Parker seem to reside, and just the thought of him makes your heart vaguely ache?

May sees what you’re looking at, and smiles widely. “Oh, Isn’t this great? Your childhood friends are finally getting hitched!”

You smile softly. “Yeah… and in Florence, too.”

May nods excitedly. “It’ll be just like back then, when you two were little. Peter’s on his way here- he’s just being picked up by Ben from New Jersey.”

You nod, but you’re not really listening. You didn’t even know Peter was in New Jersey- you’ve been avoiding talking to him for at least a year now. The last message he sent to you was “hey, howlett, you okay?” after not receiving a response for a week.

It’s awkward. You’ve ghosted him, and now you’re on his front porch. Before you can leave, Ben’s car is pulling up onto the driveway.

It’s too bad, you think. You’re easily flustered by confrontation- and it doesn’t help when Peter technically never did anything wrong.

You and your stupid feelings.

Ben exits the car, and pulls Peter’s suitcase out of the trunk. Peter himself wanders out, his tall, long body stretching outwards. He’s always been a lot taller than you.

He looks tired. Eyebags are heavy, and he’s got a bit of a slouch going on. There’s a bit of scruffy stubble adorning his jaw, and it’s either because he was too tired to shave it, or he was going for a bit of a look.

But Peter’s eyes instantly brighten when he sees you, and you feel that same ache again, that despite your poor treatment of him, he still looks at you with kindness.

“Howlett.” He leans forward to fist bump you, just like you always greeted each other, and to your surprise, you fist bump him back.

“Peter.” You give him a small, fond smile, and even if you know you’re faking it- that you’re trying not to grimace- Peter doesn’t let on that he knows that.

Logan has been drinking his morning coffee for the last four hours. It’s noon, but that’s how he likes it sometimes. Slow, boring sips as he stares out the window.

He wonders what’s taking you so damn long. He just wants to see if Charles has sent out the school schedules in the mail yet- so he knows for sure what grade he’s teaching this year.

Elementary school is shitty, he knows. Snot-nosed kids can be their own worst enemies, or they can start fighting each other, and even worse, teachers like him have to be on top of it all the time.

You always laugh when he tells you. “War never changes, kiddo.”

He’s just hoping it’s at least fifth grade. Ten year olds are smarter than the world gives them credit for.

You were even smarter than that, though. You and Pete- the two smartest kids in the neighbourhood- would always mutually read your library books together, and insist on extra homework, and even go to the mathematics club together. And if you weren’t doing that, you’d both be chasing each other around the playground, completely oblivious to the beginnings of a crush.

As Logan thinks about Peter and how you both used to be best buds, until something happened and you forever refused to talk about it with him, his eyes narrow as he sees you on the Parker porch. You don’t usually fraternize with neighbours- you’re too busy doing your remote coding job, typically spending hours cooped up in your room until Logan pesters you to get sunlight- so it’s a little suspicious.

Until, of course, he watches as your face reddens and Peter Parker himself walks up to you. Logan has a little smirk on his face- he was never going to push you to deal with Pete, he’s just glad that the universe had it’s own little goals in mind.

It seems kind of crazy just how old you are. To Logan, at least, it feels like just yesterday, rather than twenty something years ago, that you were in kindergarten and he was picking you up excitedly, wanting to remember what school was like from the perspective from a kid.

And then just two years later, the Parkers moved in next door. Peter was in your second grade class, and you two were inseparable. Peter and Howlett- you hate going by your first name, so everyone calls you either Howlett, or some alternative of that like Lettie or Howl- anyways, Logan has always thought it was you and Pete against the world.

That was the year that the Florence summer vacations began.

You’re having a flashback as May, Ben and Peter allow you to sit down in their home. May has set down a cup of tea for you- you’re grateful to have something to sip on as you try to avoid conversation.

You’re nine years old again, in a stripy swimsuit, and you’re playing on the sandy beaches of Italy with Peter, who’s eagerly licking a popsicle. Sand grains are sticking to his elbows, hands, and the back of his neck. You’re instructing him on how to help you correctly make the sandcastle, and Peter is eagerly listening, forever your willing best friend, doing whatever you’ll say.

The sunshine is bright- maybe a little too much for your dad- and he picks you up, slathering you in sunscreen as you hiss and shriek at him.

“Put me down, Dad- this is embarrassing-!”

“Settle down, ya little wolverine- just some sun protection.” Your dad leaves a dab of sunscreen around the corner of your mouth as he sets you back down, and Peter giggles.

“Hey, look, Howlett- you still got some sunscreen on your mouth.” He snorts, and then falls over laughing when you glare at him.

“You need sun protection too, Parker!” And you charge towards him, letting the last bits of sunscreen that haven’t quite melted into your skin, transfer onto his.

Peter yells as he tries to keep you away, but you’re too fast for him. Your arms clamber around him- but Peter is still a bit taller so he tries to lift you away from him- and the next thing you know you’ve both fallen over the sandcastle, with a very soft thump.

You’re on top of Peter, which is disconcerting on it’s own considering these new warm feelings you keep having for him, but what’s really confusing you is the soft, squishy thing against your mouth.

You open your eyes and see that Peter’s lips are connected to your own, in the most accidental, chaste kiss. It’s an embrace that shocks you, because you know what that is, what that means- and you pull yourself away, and Peter stands up in shock too. Your heads bump together for a second as you stumble in confusion, the warm, fuzzy feelings exploding tenfold.

Peter immediately says that he’s sorry. And you’re okay with that, because you don’t really know what this all means, and you’re not exactly ready for all that. You’re just glad your dad didn’t see- he probably would’ve freaked.

You come back to yourself in the present. That moment makes you grow numb, because you had always considered that your first kiss, until things changed for the worst. This is why you don’t really talk to Peter anymore- he’s not an ex, he’s just a complicated person for you.

Even MJ knows that. Inside the envelope was a second card, handwritten in her perfect script:

Dearest Howlett-ie, the best girl in the whole world,

I am so excited to see you in Italy! I know, by the way. I tried to talk Harry out of it but apparently he got a really good deal with arranging the wedding in the Florence Cathedral. But if it feels hard for you, I understand.

I promise it won’t be that bad, because we’re staying at the Villa Cetinale. It’s a really pretty house- and it’s in Siena, so it’s not quite Florence, although it is next to it.

I have a big ask. Will you be my maid of honour? I’ve always dreamt that you’d be by my side for the wedding, because I love you and you’re like my sister. If not that, at least a bridesmaid. I won’t hear a no from you on that!

I hope you’re doing okay (don’t let coding be your entire life, please!) and I’m gonna make sure the situation with Peter isn’t awkward. Don’t even worry about it- I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t have to interact with him.

At this point in the letter, you genuinely wanted to laugh. You’re already sitting next to him at his house, and May is talking all about the wedding, so Peter knows. An interaction is imminent.

It’s also insanely childish of you to expect him not to talk to you, when again, he’s not an ex boyfriend, and even then, you have been amicable with your ex boyfriend. And you shouldn’t, you know you shouldn’t have to expect MJ to cater to you on her wedding day.

Also, although I would miss you, I understand if you want to go back home early after the wedding. You probably have important work to do, like you always do. I hope to hear from you soon!

Love, MJ

It’s the sweetest message ever, and it’s so MJ, and you can’t let her do any of this for you. Because you’re a Howlett, and your dad didn’t raise a damn quitter, and you love MJ. You have been best friends since she was in your and Peter’s sixth grade science class, and that was where all the trouble began for you.

“Did you hear me, Peter?” May shakes his shoulder, and the movement causes the two of you to lean towards each other on the sofa.

Peter stiffens, and then shakes his head. He doesn’t exactly pull away- and this is why you hate him sometimes.

Why couldn’t he just be more succinct in his rejection of you? This weird wishy washy, I like being next to you, but I will never see you like that, is exactly why you ended up trying to leave him alone.

You suppose that it’s because you never openly told him that you liked him, and his rejection is just implied- up in the air, but you have assumed it based on the facts- and that he’s still a friendly person. But friendship, just friendship, from someone you know you still love hurts a lot.

“Harry’s been calling the house. He says you wouldn’t pick up your cellphone. He wants you to be his best man, Peter.” May says, and Peter blinks slowly.

He yawns loudly, stretching his arms, and the gentlest touch from his forearm to yours has you nearly reeling.

“Really? Me?” Peter sounds mildly confused. “There’s not some billionaire tech heir he’d rather ask?”

“Oh, stop that.” Ben interjects, looking wise as ever as he leans against his own seat. “I admit the boy has changed a lot, maybe for the worse-”

“Lavish partying? No class consciousness?” Peter scoffs. “I’d say.”

“Anyways, he’s still your friend. One of your closest.” Ben drinks his own coffee. “You’d be the one to change him, at least.”

“At his wedding? I don’t know, Uncle Ben.” Peter sighs. “Okay, fine. Only because you’re right that he’s my friend and I want to see him get married.”

“I wonder who the maid of honour is.” May stares at her fingernails, and despite the growing embarrassment inside of you, you answer.

“MJ asked me to do it.” You mumble, but May claps excitedly.

“Aw, that’s wonderful! You two will look perfect next to each other.” May seems totally oblivious to how you want to sink into the cushions of the couch under you.

Peter nods. “It makes sense. We are neighbours… and best friends.”

Why does it feel like the whole universe is against you today? You have nothing to say to his reply, so you just nod.

Telling your dad is so not fun when he spends the whole time laughing.

“So you won’t tell me why you hate Pete- but now you’re gonna be spending hours with him?” Logan slaps his knee, tears coming out of his eyes. “It’s just perfect.”

The word perfect echoes in your mind a few times, and you ignore the urge to claw your dad’s eyes out. It’s not that anyone means any harm- it’s that even you thought you and Peter were perfect, clearly meant to be, and that sadly wasn’t the case.

It’s just a reminder of how you lead yourself on.

“Never mind, Dad.” You scowl at him as he hoots with laughter about how you should just tell Pete. That you supposedly want him.

You don't- at least, not anymore- and you run upstairs to your room and flop angrily onto the bed.

Then, you gather your hair into a floppy bun/ponytail/scrunchie and start cleaning. It's stress relief, yes, but it's also because your room has accumulated a lot of trash, and it's pissing you off.

You put on your headphones, blast some music, and throw things into a garbage bag, including several diet cans of Coke, a wrapper for a Jamaican beef patty, and coffee cups.

Your phone starts ringing. It's MJ wanting to video call- and you prop your phone up on your desk before answering.

Peter is so, so tired.

The first thing he wanted to do when he got home was to sleep. He already knew about the wedding- Harry asked him on how to propose to MJ ages ago.

But of course he could not just rest when he got home- May had to go on and on about how being best man means getting beauty sleep, so he would look good in all the pictures.

But he didn’t expect to have to talk about all this wedding stuff so much today. It’s only going to get worse, he knows- it’s a month and a week away, and in wedding time that might as well be five minutes.

Even worse- he sees that you’re still not in the right mood to talk to him. Peter, as smart as he is, has no idea what he did wrong, and it’s only out of respect to you that he doesn’t just throttle you and ask for the answer.

He has never considered you not his best friend, and the fact that you might as well be pulling away from him now, possibly forever, makes him feel sick to his stomach. How can he rectify the issue when he doesn’t know what it is?

He’s been lying on his bed, throwing a tennis ball up at his ceiling, and then catching it. The repetitive motion usually allows Peter to turn the cogs and gears in his mind, but… Dr. Octavius had him working days and nights for the last six months, so Peter’s head just isn’t in the right space.

He thinks about the timeline, as he often does.

Peter met you in second grade at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. In Ms. Grey’s class- she was a pretty redhead, and Peter would often wistfully think about marrying her in the way that a second grader has a crush on their teacher- until, of course, he and you witnessed Logan and her in a very passionate embrace at a school dance, sometime in the fourth grade.

Peter shudders.

Then around… the summer break where you were both nine years old, you headed to Florence, Italy. Just you, Logan, (not your mom as that was a touchy subject for everyone, and to this day, Peter has no idea who your mom even is), Aunt May, Uncle Ben, and Peter. It was really special- vacations were not something Logan or May or Ben could typically afford- but it was a seasonal package offered from Logan’s teaching job, and it included all five potential members of a family.

Logan and Ben were drinking buddies, and they liked playing poker together, much to the chagrin of May, but she would sometimes join in too. Peter was- is- your best friend, and so it seemed obvious to Logan that the five of you should go.

And every year, every summer break, from the ages of nine to just eighteen, you would go to Florence together. As you went every year, traditions would be formed, bonds would be stronger, and everyone would feel relaxed as the Italian sunsets warmed your bodies and minds.

Peter has many fond memories from those times. You and him would always sit next to each other on the plane, and watch movies for the whole duration for the flight, even if Logan would tell you guys that you needed to sleep at some point.

Then, because the bus taking you to Florence would drive from the Naples airport to your hotel there- you would always get Neapolitan pizza, and split it together. And there was always basil-mint gelato to be had, too.

Then, there would be swimming on the lovely, warm beaches of Italy, and maybe some sightseeing- there’s a lot of gorgeous, religious art there. You also loved walking down the cobblestone streets of Florence with Peter- chasing random things that caught your eyes, and taking loads of pictures. He wasn’t religious at all, but he enjoyed visiting the churches by your side. You also went out of your way to hike a lot, through Italy’s marvelous architecture and fields. You visited a winery, even though when you went, you were both a little too young to officially drink, but Logan let you guys have a sip anyways.

Peter smiles to himself. One of his favourite memories was the year you both were thirteen- starting out into the world of teenagers- and you had just started your period. It was not a good time for you, and you were clearly very grumpy about it. He gave you a heating pad, and pain medication, and didn’t go swimming until your period was over, so you could go together. You had been so happy when he told you that- and you hugged him so tight, he’s been chasing that feeling ever since.

When you began high school, you brought all your textbooks and things with you on the trip that year- even though Logan, May and Ben called you a bunch of nerds- and studied for your exams together. Peter was glad to have you as a study buddy, because Harry slacked a lot and Peter didn’t want that kind of behaviour influencing him. MJ was pretty good at studying, too, but if Harry asked her to go out, she was the type to just give up.

There was that really sweet time that you and Peter went to the aquarium and watched a group of baby turtles swim together. And you bought a pair of turtle keychains- it’s still dangling off of his work bag.

There was also that absolutely hilarious time that Peter heard you screaming in your motel room- you both must’ve been 15 at that point- and he leapt in there to see you coming out of the bathroom, still in your first bikini. Peter tried not to be a creep about this- but he was a nerdy 15 year old and it was difficult to avert his eyes from any young, budding, almost developed-woman- and he stared at you, face reddening, before you stammered out about a large spider in the bathroom. It was quite large, and he managed to catch it and get rid of it.

Peter remembers that you grabbed his arm in relief, and then let go, stuttering about how you needed to change your clothes, and he tried not to freak out over that mental image at the time. He snorts about it now- what a silly young kid he used to be.

He wonders why he still feels like one. Isn’t he twenty-six years old? How does he fix things?

You began to pull away, around eleventh and twelfth grade. It became easier for you to say that you were busy with something, and Peter was not the type to really push you back then. You started ignoring his calls- and his pestering about whether or not you wanted to go get pizza, like you usually always did on Saturdays. Did you even still like Neapolitan style pizza?

The last time he really remembered that you had a good time with him was the last trip to Florence- in the summer break at the end of twelfth grade- and after that, Logan no longer received the benefits for the trip, and you two were both on your way to university, anyways.

Peter sighs. He went to Empire State- and you, NYU. And that was where you guys began to drift quite quickly. People get busy, of course, and university took up everyone’s time. He just never thought you would let go of him like that. He misses you, a lot, to the point where he’s had dreams in which you’re just around him again, smiling.

Peter doesn’t know if he’ll get over this.

He throws the tennis ball again. It lands in his laundry bin, in front of the window, and when he goes up to get it- he can see you across from him, through your room window, wildly gesticulating to someone on your phone.

Peter bites his lip, and then snickers to himself. It’s always funny to see you get pissed- you get the same enraged look in your eyes that Logan gets, too- and you run your hands through your hair a lot, making you look kind of like a banshee.

He thinks on what you could be talking about. But Peter has never been a lip reader- so he decides to lie back down on his bed and give you some privacy.

“I don’t think he likes me. I would’ve known by now if he really, truly did, MJ.” You groan in exasperation, but the redhead on your phone screen is barely listening.

“Babe. Listen to me- that boy just doesn’t know what he wants. He barely knows how to exist- you think he would be able to figure out that he likes you?” She laughs, her long nails tapping at the screen as she types a message to the catering service she was telling you about.

“But… he just sees me as his best friend.” You sigh, and then shake your head, feeling rustled. “Maybe sometimes that’s all it has to be? Not everything male-and-female needs to become a relationship… I should just be happy being his friend.”

“Okay. As long as you’re actually happy with that, Lettie.” She gives you a knowing look. “I’m sorry, by the way. I didn’t know Harry picked him as his best man- he told me it was going to be some tech dude, but I guess he changed his mind.”

“It’s fine. Not everything needs to accommodate me.” You shake it off. “Where are you right now, anyways? Looks very sci-fi, neon lights, hologrammy?”

“Ah.” MJ switches to the back camera and shows off some fashion show, and based on the French writing on the signs behind you, it’s definitely in Paris somewhere. “You know. Model rehearsal stuff.”

“I really don’t.” You snort, pulling back a strand of your hair. “I live a very non glamorous life, you know.”

“Well, soon you won’t be!” MJ turns the camera back to herself, and someone out of your view is calling “Mary Jane, Mary Jane-”. She motions to them, that she’s on break.

“You’re gonna have the time of your life at the wedding. I promise. We’ll do all those things we’ve been saying we’d do since… five years ago.” MJ laughs as you giggle yourself. Adulthood is a pain. You plan to see your friends and only really manage to do it once a year.

“Okay, fine. I guess I’ll drink like crazy, and dance half-naked at a club.” You roll your eyes, and MJ nods eagerly.

“That’s my girl!” MJ claps her hands. “Okay, listen. This fashion show will be done by this Saturday- I can take a redeye flight and make it there by Sunday morning. Then we can go bridesmaid dress shop- oh!”

MJ gasps loudly, and you start for a moment, before remembering she’s just… like that.

“Are you still going to be my maid of honour?” She looks at you with those big, green-blue doe eyes, and you really cannot say no to her. You already wanted to be her maid of honour, anyways.

“Yeah. Duh.” You sniff, as if you’re upset she would even ask the question. “It’s gotta be me.”

“I know, right?” MJ beams. “Okay. So we have an appointment at the boutique at 2 PM- I’ll send you the address, okay? I’ll try to meet you at your place first and we can go together! I’ve already gone with the others.”

“Alright.” You agree with her. “Who else are your bridesmaids?”

“Betty, my sister, and Gwen.” MJ thinks it over, and then nods. “Yup. I know what you’re thinking: ‘no models?’”

“Guilty.”

“I did ask my close model friends, but truth be told: models are competitive as hell, and everyone wants to book more shows.” MJ sighs, defeat overcoming her. “I don’t blame them, they’d rather just not have bridesmaid duties taking up their time, I guess.”

“MJ…” You frown.

“No, no, it’s fine.” She puts on the same bright cheery smile, but her eyes still look sad, and you can tell she’s faking it a little. “I only want my closest friends by my side, anyways. I’m still inviting some, uh, influential people- Kitty Pryde, Elektra, Wanda Maximoff, Bucky Barnes, Natalia Romanov- you know, just the typical gang.”

You don’t know, but you just nod. You’re sure these models are all super hot- super gorgeous- and the idea of being a maid of honour in front of them kind of has your stomach turning. You wonder if you could lose some weight before the wedding, or if that’s a toxic thought to have.

MJ herself is stunning- but you’re sure she has a really intense diet and exercise regimen that she follows. Her body has always been toned and perfect- you, on the other hand, are a total homebody who doesn’t try very hard. You’re not sure how great you’ll look next to her.

You’ve always been just a tiny bit jealous. Even though you know it’s not her fault, it’s just the way the situation happens to be. She’s always been pretty- and you know that’s not all the value is to a person- but MJ is also a sweet, kind girl.

The feeling of being inadequate romantically comes to you again. Maybe you’re just not marriage material like MJ so clearly is.

MJ suddenly looks up towards something you can’t see, and nods at someone. “I gotta go. I’ll text you later?”

“Yeah, of course.” You state, and MJ hangs up before you can say bye.

Bridesmaid dress shopping goes okay.

MJ hugs you tightly when you see her- and it’s enough that you forget about some of your prior insecurities. She squeezes your face, and you smile up at her, glad that she still feels as loving as ever.

Even Logan gives her a smile and a “congrats” when he sees her. Then, it’s off to the boutique.

MJ has you try on several silk dresses, all in a gorgeous forest green colour, and she’s equally ecstatic for every single one you try. It’s a little embarrassing- is she just cheering you on because she’s your friend?- but the designer she invited agrees that you look awesome in everything.

You’re a little shy, and unsure of how to say thanks. You have never thought you were all that- just the plain girl next door, honestly.

In the end, you pick a sweetheart neckline, the bodice and torso are fitted down to your thighs, then flaring out in a loose mermaid style skirt with lace detailing. It’s very pretty- and MJ picks up the bill, before you can even say a thing about paying for it yourself.

“Thank you, Kurt!” She blows a kiss at him- he’s going to send it to the place you’re staying at in Florence for you.

“I’m really not used to all this… excessive stuff.” You snort as MJ leads you out of the boutique, on your way to some sandwich place for lunch.

“Well, get used to it. Har is literally doing the most-” She raises her hands super high so you get a sense of what she means. “And even if it rests poorly on your conscience, I told him whatever we spend on the wedding, we’ll spend twice as much on donations, charity and philanthropy.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Damn, MJ! That’s a lot of money. You guys must be loaded.”

She shrugs. “I got into investing when I first made my big bucks modelling, and Harry is… well, you know. An Osborn and all that.”

“So is the wedding spending an excuse to donate as much as possible?” You sit down at the outer patio of the cafe, and MJ lifts up her sunglasses on to her head, her long red hair wafting away in the sunshine.

She gives you a knowing look, with her classic wine-colour stained lips coming into a large, wide smile. “You got it.”

170 notes · View notes