#horror cake

[onethatranaway]

tentacle cake

[mlgmi316]

My submission for the 2023 cosmetic contest. Didn't end up winning but I'm still super proud of how it turned out. Congratulations to the winners 🎂

[captainskylock]

Poem: How to bake a wedding cake.

I get asked to write people poems for their weddings. A lot. I'm starting to struggle to come up with original ideas, since the usual topics of love and commitment are beyond my ability to contribute any sort of original take. However: I can offer unbridled chaos and unrelenting horror. So this is my most recent work, written for my aunt's wedding back in April. Started and finished in the wee hours of that very morning, as is tradition.

So. It has come to this: the grandest mistake Volunteering to concoct a whole wedding cake Overselling my talents, a cuisinier fake And there is no recourse left now but to bake

But how can the unskilled prove they can shine? The same way as experts: just research on-line! I’ll soon find the secret, the day will be fine And all will be pleased when on cake they shall dine

Whole milk, and egg whites, and all-purpose flour Why this is easy, I’ll be done in an hour! Sugar and butter and nothing too sour- Wait, where���s the Wi-Fi? I’ve lost all the power!

I’ve already forgotten everything I just read! The wedding’s tomorrow! I’m filling with dread Show’s over, I’m done, I’m totally dead! The fearsome bride will be after my head!

No! I can manage, a capable man With reason and logic here at my command I have this cake licked, it’s fully in hand I’ll make it up as I go and it will be grand

I think there was… milk? My memory’s rough But I’ve only one pint, will that be enough? Well not to worry, substitution’s not tough I’ll scoop in the mayo, it’s just the right stuff!

Now it needs body, and here’s the corn flour No way that’s enough, so let’s search for more powder Some curry, some chilli, I’m sifting a shower More mustard and matcha! The flavour gets louder!

And… were there eggs? There’s none in the fridge So protein a la proxy shall be my new bid It’s round and it’s white, with a bit of a squidge… Yes that will be perfect! Toss in a few squid!

Which is sugar and salt? I just cannot see These pots are all labelled incompetently! “Pure Food Grade Fine Crystals, Citric Acid Kay-Gee” Well I have no clue, but looks sugary to me!

I think there was butter? But look! It is marred! By toast crumbs left strewn by an incautious card Emboldened, I feel that I’m quite avant-garde When I substitute butter with a great block of lard

Is wedding cake pudding? With fruit is it packed? These things one must learn as an auto-didact Well tomatoes are fruit. Now that is a fact! I’ll toss in a can, and that will be that!

And one final thing that will prove my proficience Vanilla to counter the flavour deficience But one bean will surely prove quite inefficient So in goes the bundle, now that is sufficient

And into the oven, scraped into a pile My gusto for baking surpasses this trial Passion means heat! So crank up that dial! Five hundred degrees and leave in a good while

I take up the spoon, I’ve never felt braver And put it to taste-bud to take in the flavour Growing ever light-headed the longer I savour And with cause unrelated my wakefulness wavers

A few hours in, I awake from my coma My culinary skill must be worth two diplomas As I realise that what once was a pungent aroma Has nicely burned off in a blazing corona

And next, to assemble, now the fires have fizzled Though the size of the cake has slightly shrivelled And the tall stacking layers continue to sizzle The shape is perfected and expertly chiselled

It needs decoration, that’s not my concern The family expert will cover the burns As for this challenge and all I have learned I cannot be stopped when the Internet spurns!

And next the wedding, the service, bouquet The drinks and the mingling, twee games of croquet At dinner a slice of my cake comes my way I politely decline, I put down for soufflé!

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price celebrates his 75th birthday with a special guest...RATIGAN!

[egophiliac]

Okay so another gavv ask shocking. But.

Do you think lakia thinks shomas gavv is super fucking weird since it's BRIGHT RED and sticking outwards from his stomach like some damn muzzle (also it has a face?!?!)

option #1:

option #2:

[thefloatingstone]

The older I get and the more terrible takes I see the more in favour I become of gatekeeping

[armenelols]

I am not normal about Dior. My man grew up around someone who made Morgoth sleep and Mandos cry and around sassy shit Beren I-have-silmaril-in-my-hand *shows stump* Erchamion. He was 30 and went against idk how old but at least thousand-something Celegorm who trained under Oromë and was, like, the best hunter around? And WON. I mean, Dior himself dying notwithstanding, he actually killed Celegorm. He was 30? Give or take. My man was a BABY for a half-elf, this man had to be absolutely FERAL to achieve that. I bet he bites.

[onethatranaway]

tentacle cake

[marisashorror]

Daytime

Nighttime

[mysharona1987]

[artsy-imogen]

✩ my take on a human Scarab design :D plus a sneak peak of Prismo ^^!✨✨ I like the idea of Scarab having slicked back hair to fit his business style more 😄⭐️✨

[bicho-kromer]

Nightmare and dust cooking vs killer and horror cooking (another one of my silly headcanons)

[8um8le]

Damn this story has so much depth *goes back to drawing curly as a silly chicken nugget for fun*

[binalakai-archive-archive]

self hatred in hand with self obsession

[cupids-stimboards]

gaystims prompts: 💖- Make a stimboard based off a character you like answer: cassie (fnaf: sb)

👾 🐺 🏚 / 🎂 x 🎂 / 🏚 🐺 👾

[onethatranaway]

tentacle cake