#horror cake

[onethatranaway]

tentacle cake

[mlgmi316]

My submission for the 2023 cosmetic contest. Didn't end up winning but I'm still super proud of how it turned out. Congratulations to the winners 🎂

[captainskylock]

Poem: How to bake a wedding cake.

I get asked to write people poems for their weddings. A lot. I'm starting to struggle to come up with original ideas, since the usual topics of love and commitment are beyond my ability to contribute any sort of original take. However: I can offer unbridled chaos and unrelenting horror. So this is my most recent work, written for my aunt's wedding back in April. Started and finished in the wee hours of that very morning, as is tradition.

So. It has come to this: the grandest mistake Volunteering to concoct a whole wedding cake Overselling my talents, a cuisinier fake And there is no recourse left now but to bake

But how can the unskilled prove they can shine? The same way as experts: just research on-line! I’ll soon find the secret, the day will be fine And all will be pleased when on cake they shall dine

Whole milk, and egg whites, and all-purpose flour Why this is easy, I’ll be done in an hour! Sugar and butter and nothing too sour- Wait, where’s the Wi-Fi? I’ve lost all the power!

I’ve already forgotten everything I just read! The wedding’s tomorrow! I’m filling with dread Show’s over, I’m done, I’m totally dead! The fearsome bride will be after my head!

No! I can manage, a capable man With reason and logic here at my command I have this cake licked, it’s fully in hand I’ll make it up as I go and it will be grand

I think there was… milk? My memory’s rough But I’ve only one pint, will that be enough? Well not to worry, substitution’s not tough I’ll scoop in the mayo, it’s just the right stuff!

Now it needs body, and here’s the corn flour No way that’s enough, so let’s search for more powder Some curry, some chilli, I’m sifting a shower More mustard and matcha! The flavour gets louder!

And… were there eggs? There’s none in the fridge So protein a la proxy shall be my new bid It’s round and it’s white, with a bit of a squidge… Yes that will be perfect! Toss in a few squid!

Which is sugar and salt? I just cannot see These pots are all labelled incompetently! “Pure Food Grade Fine Crystals, Citric Acid Kay-Gee” Well I have no clue, but looks sugary to me!

I think there was butter? But look! It is marred! By toast crumbs left strewn by an incautious card Emboldened, I feel that I’m quite avant-garde When I substitute butter with a great block of lard

Is wedding cake pudding? With fruit is it packed? These things one must learn as an auto-didact Well tomatoes are fruit. Now that is a fact! I’ll toss in a can, and that will be that!

And one final thing that will prove my proficience Vanilla to counter the flavour deficience But one bean will surely prove quite inefficient So in goes the bundle, now that is sufficient

And into the oven, scraped into a pile My gusto for baking surpasses this trial Passion means heat! So crank up that dial! Five hundred degrees and leave in a good while

I take up the spoon, I’ve never felt braver And put it to taste-bud to take in the flavour Growing ever light-headed the longer I savour And with cause unrelated my wakefulness wavers

A few hours in, I awake from my coma My culinary skill must be worth two diplomas As I realise that what once was a pungent aroma Has nicely burned off in a blazing corona

And next, to assemble, now the fires have fizzled Though the size of the cake has slightly shrivelled And the tall stacking layers continue to sizzle The shape is perfected and expertly chiselled

It needs decoration, that’s not my concern The family expert will cover the burns As for this challenge and all I have learned I cannot be stopped when the Internet spurns!

And next the wedding, the service, bouquet The drinks and the mingling, twee games of croquet At dinner a slice of my cake comes my way I politely decline, I put down for soufflé!

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price celebrates his 75th birthday with a special guest...RATIGAN!

[thefloatingstone]

The older I get and the more terrible takes I see the more in favour I become of gatekeeping

[armenelols]

I am not normal about Dior. My man grew up around someone who made Morgoth sleep and Mandos cry and around sassy shit Beren I-have-silmaril-in-my-hand *shows stump* Erchamion. He was 30 and went against idk how old but at least thousand-something Celegorm who trained under Oromë and was, like, the best hunter around? And WON. I mean, Dior himself dying notwithstanding, he actually killed Celegorm. He was 30? Give or take. My man was a BABY for a half-elf, this man had to be absolutely FERAL to achieve that. I bet he bites.

[onethatranaway]

tentacle cake

[marisashorror]

Daytime

Nighttime

[artsy-imogen]

✩ my take on a human Scarab design :D plus a sneak peak of Prismo ^^!✨✨ I like the idea of Scarab having slicked back hair to fit his business style more 😄⭐️✨

[bicho-kromer]

Nightmare and dust cooking vs killer and horror cooking (another one of my silly headcanons)

[8um8le]

Damn this story has so much depth *goes back to drawing curly as a silly chicken nugget for fun*

[binalakai-archive-archive]

self hatred in hand with self obsession

[hauntingjasper]

Only them matter (Halloween Edition!)

The old 2023 version ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ :

[theholmwoodfoundation]

A little celebratory doodle to thank you all again for the Kickstarter funding! Maddie and Jeremy are so pleased to be continuing on their nightmare hike with you all!!

If you're new here, you can still listen to our pilot episode HERE:

[onethatranaway]

tentacle cake

[brittle-doughie]

I wish to request something a little strange- So you have experimented with the idea of Cookie Cannibalism so maybe I was hoping you could just build on the idea. No morbid curiosity tho

(This ask was super weird, so you can ignore it if you want)

Bake It Till You Make It: Tasty Delights

It never hurts anyone to have a treat every now and then..also I updated the first part to my current format of posts

WARNINGS: Cookie Cannibalism

Running the shop doesn’t always have to be around the holidays. The Sugar Gnomes were generous enough to have you run the shop all winter long! If that was what made you and the cookies in the kingdom happy!

It had surely made the cookies happy alright! All day, every day has cookies coming in the high tens into your shop! They can never seem to get enough of the cakes and sweets offered here, you being the manager also had a hand in the amount of visits too.

But that was only half of the whole thing. The other half was the cookies being thankful enough to gift you their own sweets.

You never questioned their generosity, accepting the gifts with a smile. What was odd would be the cookies acting a little suspicious in terms of behavior or style of clothing, something that was a bit out of character for them.

Cookies like Crunchy Chip Cookie that are usually pretty tough are left trying to come up with an explanation for their insistence on you accepting their sweets, Crunchy especially since you recalled that sweets weren’t his thing. He practically pleaded for you to take it and eat it, he wanted to know if you liked his sweets. He wanted to know if you liked how it tasted…

And, in his head, if you liked how he tasted…

———————————————————————

Crunchy Chip yelled out as he cracked off a piece of his arm, a brief moment of pain that had take deep breath.

But in his mind, it would be worth it. To see you savor the taste of what he made despite the end result. To see you savor how he’d taste like.

It would be worth it…

———————————————————————

You thanked him as he left with his cake, sitting down at one of the tables as you started to eat his sweets. For someone who didn’t like them, Crunchy’s delights were pretty good! You continue taking a bite, and then another one, and then another…until it was all gone.

That really hit the spot as you sigh contently, leaning back in your chair…with the window behind you having a fixated Crunchy Chip watching intently before he hurried away.

———————————————————————

Mozzarella Cookie thought it would be pretty interesting of her to give you a mozzarella cheesecake. A very odd choice of ingredients, you even joked if she had placed a piece of her own mozzarella in it, something she giggled at.

What a silly thing to say!

———————————————————————

She wasted no time in gently removing pieces of her mozzarella hair to smoothly texture her cheesecake.

She’d know that you’ll like it, she’d kick herself if you didn’t. After all…

…an intriguing cookie like you only deserves an intriguing dessert~

———————————————————————

The amount of cookies coming in for some of his healings have been noticeably higher during this time of the year for Pure Vanilla Cookie. They’d come him, almost impatiently ask that he give them some healings to make them feel better before they’d hurried off for the day.

The changes in their outfits did not go unnoticed by the Ancient Cookie. Raspberry Cookie’s hair covering a portion of her face, Pastry Cookie wearing a sort of cloak to conceal her form, Clover Cookie missing tufts of hair…

They’d never want to answer any of his questions and just move along hastily…

He decided to come to you to see if you had any clue about this. He catches you just as you’re about to close up shop for today, a box that contained coral cake in your hands.

“Y/N Cookie! How are you, my friend?”

You greeted Pure Vanilla warmly as you two shared a hug. You asked him what brought him you.

“I was just worried about the number of cookies coming to see me to heal them. Do you know anything by any chance?”

Injured cookies? This was the first time you were hearing of this…

“It’s just that they never wish to tell me what was wrong with them. They’re always in a hurry to leave…”

This was pretty odd behavior…but you’d look into it whenever you can. You had to head back your place for today.

“Thank you, Y/N Cookie. I’ll help you in any way I can.”

You bid each other farewell as you head home, opening the box to take a bite of the cake, humming delightly as you savored the flavor.

As you reach home, you head to the fridge to put it away for later. You had to make room though, with a number of different sweets and foods already crowding your fridge, gifted by your Cookies.

———————————————————————

The utensils and ingredients were set, with instructions to make a cobbler.

The cookie was all to ready to get started…if not for one more ingredient to really make this cobbler special..

She can already picture it now. Seeing cookies crowding the shop, wanting their order to be taken first. She was stepping past the crowd to meet you at the counter

She presented her cobbler to you, wishing for you to have a taste!

You took a bite and you’d immediately be downing the whole dessert right there and then, excitement bubbling within herself at how much you liked it.

You’d tell her that you loved her cobbler with all of your being, you’d ask her…if she’d make more for you. She’d be all too eager to say yes! She will make more!

It would feel as if she had a connection with you more than the rest…

With these thoughts, the cookies giggled a little manically as she gets ready to crack off her lower arm…

White Lily is sure of herself that you’ll enjoy her dessert!