#hoping to get better soon as I've started taking more care of myself lately

[dangaer]

update: i am not. well

[homestylehughes]

shower sex

pairing(s): luke hughes x fem!reader

summary: after a terrible day, luke knows just what y/n needs. because what's a better relaxation than shower sex?

wc: 1.7k

warnings: smut 18+. little plot, mostly smut! pure filth, no use of y/n. cussing, pet names, dirty talk. oral, fem receiving. unprotected sex, p n v. hints of some angst, and cute fluffy boyfriend luke.

authors note: hiiiii!! luke smut! luke smut! luke smut! i loved writing this, i love luke, going through a luke phase rn badddd. i got this idea when i was writing the headcanons for him earlier. so here it isssss. i loved writing this. like and reblog if you enjoy<3 as always much love<3

happy reading<3

I've actually had the worst day ever. Everything. I mean everything is going wrong today. I was late for work today because I missed my alarm, even with me sprinting throughout our apartment, and speeding to the office. I was still late.

Then, I spilled my coffee all over me. That was my second straw. The worst part about it was that I had to work in my coffee-covered clothes the whole day, not being able to afford to leave work, which would cause me to be even more behind than I was.

I had so much work to do, i stayed 3 extra hours over, not pulling out of the parking lot until almost 8 p.m. everything hurt, each part of my body was exhausted. To make things worse, if they could get even worse, I haven't seen Luke in almost a week. 

The hockey season is wrapping up but Luke has been busy with spending time with his family, after Jack's surgery and training for the worlds. 

We both had hoped that I'd be able to get time off from work to spend time with him and his family, taking a little break for myself. That obviously didn't happen. 

So now, im driving back home to our apartment, in coffee cover clothes, with a pounding headache and empty stomach. The tears are threatening to fall over my waterline. 

Parking quickly in the lot, I get out and grab my things, making my way through the lobby to the elevator. The ride to the 8 floor feels like 30 years before the door opening signaling its floor. 

I slowly trudge down the hall to our door, pushing my key in and turning the lock, the refreshing smell and sense of being home felt in my body. Immediately I drop my things by the door, kicking off my shoes as I do. 

There's three things on my mind right now: shower, eat maybe, and bed. Luke is also on my mind but I'm so exhausted I can't even bring myself to message him back from earlier. 

Making my way to the bathroom, turning the water on to the highest it can go, wanting to burn and wash away the aftermath of the day. Peeling off my clothes, my body quickly relaxes as soon as the hot water hits my body. Leaning my head back letting it run all over my face. 

I can't tell if the wetness on my face is just water or a mix of tears, at this point I'm not sure I care. 

After five or so minutes of letting the water run along my body I reach for the shampoo, starting to wash my hair. The scrubbing on my scalp and the smell of my shampoo is enough to send me into a daze. Wash and rinse and wash and rinse again, the same action repeated with conditioner. 

As I'm rinsing the last bit of conditioner out of my hair, my back turned away to the door of the shower, my eyes closed in relaxation. I feel a hand slowly trail around my waist, my eyes quickly open in confusion, my body fast to move away from the person behind me.

“Hey baby its just me” luke chuckles from behind me, pulling me back into his body from behind, his hands circling my waist rubbing small circles on my hips. 

“You scared me '' I say as I lean back into his body, “sorry baby didn't mean to”, he says, breathing into my neck, his warmth on my neck is enough to make my knees weak. 

“How was your day?” he says, face still nuzzled in my neck. I sadly laugh before i speak “my day was terrible so fucking terrible.” I can feel my eyes begin to fill with tears again. 

Luke is quick to turn me around, grabbing my face in his hands holding it to look at his. “Hey baby, don't cry, it's okay. I'm here now, i'm sorry i haven't been here recently” he says while his eyes are locked with mine, wiping his fingers under my eyes where tears have now fallen. 

Feeling stupid for crying i mute out a small “sorry” to Luke, feeling bad he has to watch me cry like a baby. 

“Hey no, don't feel sorry. It's okay to cry". I don't deserve him, I say to myself. Not knowing what else to say, I push my face to his, locking our lips together. It's been almost a week since i've kissed luke, i missed the feeling of his lips, i've missed the feeling of him around me in general. 

Luke is quick to respond by pulling my hips closer to his body, his other hand on the back of my head. Taking control of the kiss by pushing my lips harder against his.

His tongue pressing against my lips, begging to be let in, opening my mouth slightly against his, lukes hot tongue slides into my mouth. I don't even try to fight for dominance, I just let him take control.

Our bodies moving together against the stream of hot water, the glass door fogging up around us. My body feels like it's on cloud nine just from that. Lukes the first to pull away, his pupils blown with lust, lips swollen and pink. 

“Fuck i missed that” he says, hes hands begin trailing up my body grabbing at my hips, tracing his hands along the under neath of my breasts, the action alone causing me to shutter. 

“Luke” I breathe out, now looking up at him, “what baby” he smirks down at me, now trailing one of his hands to my left nipple, rolling it in between two of fingers. 

“I need you now” I say quietly, “what do you need baby?” Luke says, bringing his face close to mine.

“I want you to fuck me, please” luke wastes no time smashing our lips back to together, walking us backwards and turning us around. My back hits the cold tile, the sensation causing me to moan into lukes mouth, our tongues began to move against each other again. 

Luke suddenly pulls away from me, I whine at the loss of contact. “Be patient baby” he says, as he tails his hand between my legs, pulling my thighs apart, caging me in by putting one of his legs between my thighs and the other on the outside of my other leg. 

I gasp as a feel his fingers slide in between my folds, “fuck baby, who got you this wet?” “you luke, you.” I say trying to push my hips to meet his fingers, my body craving some type of release. 

“Youre a needy little thing tonight arent you baby” he says to me in a teasing tone, “yes i am, and i need you to fuck me now please luke, stop teasing me” i say finally finding my voice. 

“You want me to fuck this little cunt huh?” Luke rasps back to me as he begins to slowly enter two fingers inside of me, I'm so wet, that they just slide right in. 

“I think i might just tease you for a little while longer baby” still slowly moving his fingers in and out of me. My body is rocking against the motion of my fingers thrusting in and out of me.

“Fuck i need more luke, please” i say moaning out to him, hoping he can see how desperate i am for him right now. 

  “Since you asked so nicely” he says, quickly removing his fingers from my pussy. Grabbing one of my legs pulling it up against his hip. 

I pull his face against mine, my hands finding his hair tugging and pushing his mouth against mine, our teeth and tongues clashing against another.

Luke takes a hold of his cock, giving it a few quick pulls before he pushes into me completely. ��Oh fuck luke” i moan against his mouth, “you feel so good around me fuck baby” he groans out from above me pulling our lips apart, as he begins thrusting in and out of me.

Each roll of his hips feels like a gift sent from god, his grip on my things hurts so good. I begin to roll my hips to meet his thrusts. 

“Fuck yeah right there baby” luke moans out “keep fucking yourself against me” he says dropping his face into my neck leaving bites in his wake. 

Luke brings my leg higher against his hip, the new angle causing my vision to fog over. “Luke fuck. Oh my gosh,” “right there baby please”. My hands running over the landscape of his back, my nails definitely leaving a trail of red hot marks in their wake. 

The sound of the shower running, and the sound of our skin slapping together fills the shower. I can feel the sweat forming on my body, as luke continues to fuck me. His hand sliding inbetween our bodies, to my clit. 

“Fuck luke, yes right there” i moan out loudly. “That feels good baby, right there yeah? You want me to rub your pretty clit as i fuck you?”. Fuck him and that dirty mouth, “yes luke please, dont stop im close” my eyes falling shut in pleasure. “Fuck baby, i can feel you squeezing against me”

Luke's thrusts began to speed up, I can feel my high approaching. “Fuck luke, dont stop” “im almost there” i say, pulling our lips back together, moaning into each other mouths. 

One last snap of Luke's hips hits right against my clit, causing my whole body to start shaking. “Im coming fuck” i can barely get out as waves of pleasure taking over. My vision is completely white, as my climax racks through my body. 

Luke drops his face against mine, as he comes his moans filling my ears, his hips still snapping against mine, as we both ride out our highs. 

Luke's hips stop moving, trying to catch his breath, as he pulls his face from my neck, I open my eyes slowly to see Luke looking back at me with a slight smirk on his face, our chests still rapidly falling. 

“I think the shower is cold ”Luke says to me while smiling, “I don't care.” I whisper back, pulling our lips together once again in another kiss. Already forgetting about the terrible day, once his lips are back on mine. 

[gretavanmoon]

The Proposition (S17)

Spinning Now: "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih (2009)

Pairing: Danny x female reader

Word Count: 14.3k

Description: Danny's always been that friend and roommate who you never thought of as anything more, until a birthday proposition presents itself in a way that neither of you can deny.

Warnings: Drinking, Cursing, Heavy Flirting, Praise, Dirty Talk, Touching, Wax Play

Smut: Kissing, Oral M!Receiving, Oral F!Receiving, Fingering, Unprotected Sex (use protection!!)

+ This little diddly of an idea has been swimming around in my head for months now, and I've been so excited to get it going. And thanks to the reader who suggested it be a roomies trope ;) Hope ya like xoxo

Girl you know i i i...

HER POV

White or red?

There is no special occasion, simply just the bi-weekly dinner gathering of your friend group that has turned into an every-Thursday-night habit. Not that an occasion constitutes your wine choice, but still yet, the thought quickly crosses your mind. You are all meeting at your and Danny’s house tonight, along with the conjoined group of friends that has been steadily keeping each other fed for the past two and a half years, now. 

You’d been living with Danny for as long as you could remember, taking claim of his spare room sometime after everyone collectively moved out of your parents’ homes. The arrangement worked perfectly, the two of you already knowing how the other ticked after being friends for many years. Your jobs kept both of you busy, giving the other enough room that you didn’t feel like you were invading space in the small house. 

You pull your phone from your pocket as you peruse the wine selections, texting the group chat to check on tonight’s menu. 

You: What are we making tonight again? I already forgot

Jake: Salmon and quinoa and some other stuff

Jake: God your memory sucks

You: Emma, come get your man he’s being mean to me again

Emma: Quit picking on her babe 

You: Ok so I should get white wine, right? Pairs with fish?

Sam: Just get three fuckin bottles of wine, who cares

You: Ok I’m not coming if you guys are gonna continue to harass me

Sam: Too bad it’s your house and you have to be there anyway

You: I’ll lock myself in my room I don’t care

Danny: No Y/N, if they’re gonna be assholes they don’t have to come over. They can stay home and we can order pizza :)

Jake: Shut the fuck up Sam, I’m making the damned salmon and quinoa

Josh: What the fuck is quinoa

You shove your phone back in your pocket as you roll your eyes, the buzzing still consistent as you imagine they are still arguing with one another. 

It's funny how much Danny has been defending you lately. He’s still his normal self, your very good friend who sometimes lets his sweet side get the better of him, but in the past couple of months, something has switched. The more the brothers pick on you, the more he stands up for you. It used to be the opposite, with him joining in on your playful dog-piling any chance he could get. But ever since a couple of months ago… ever since his last birthday…

Almost three years ago now, you and Danny had found yourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms in his bed after a drunken night that started out like any other, dinner, socializing, cards, and way too much to drink. It was his birthday party, and after everyone else had cleared out, you stayed up to clean up the multitude of plastic cups and empty bottles that were scattered around the house. You were both fairly drunk, and you knew if you got the majority of the party cleaned up that night, you wouldn’t have to bother with it all while being inevitably hungover the next morning. 

“I’ll get out of your hair soon, Danny. I’m about to call an Uber to go stay with Emma.” You’d said as you dried the last of the dishes. He was sprawled out over on the loveseat, his shirt halfway unbuttoned and his mess of curls pulled up on top of his head. You’d always found him attractive, but you’d always been positive he was way out of your league. He’d never even given you a passing glance in that way. Except, that night, he looked exceptionally delicious… and your hazy, drunken mind undoubtedly had started to drift.

“What? Whyyyyy…? Don’t get an Uber, it’s too late,” he’d slurred as you walked over to sit on the ottoman his feet were rested on. 

“Becauseeee… it’s your birthday and I don’t want to interrupt your time with whatever guest you might have coming over.” You remember the words felt heavy in your mouth, like it was strange that you had never talked about Danny’s personal life out loud before. Or yours, for that matter. Even after all the years of being friends and roommates, the two of you had always taken things as they’d come… watching as strangers made their way in and out of your bedrooms without a second question.

“Guest?” His face contorted. “I ‘ont have a guest coming over, Y/N…”

You’d let your mouth gape open and your hand clutch your chest in a display of over-dramatics. “Really? No one to give you a happy ending on your birthday?! You must be falling off the wagon, Wagner.” 

What you do remember, though, was how hard he laughed at your half-assed attempt at a shitty joke. 

“I swear! Just me, tonight.” It was at that very second that you remember becoming enamored with the way he licked his lips, how he clicked his tongue just a little, and how his eyes had fluttered closed under his lashes. He’d reached his hand out for you to grab, so you did. 

“You gonna let me be lonely on my birthday, Y/N?” His warm fingers slowly worked their way to interlace with yours. This flirtatious tone wasn’t something you’d ever seen from him before, but for some reason, you found yourself tumbling for it. The deep rasp in his voice signaled something else, something so unexpected from him that you almost laughed it off as him kidding with you.

Your eyes had glanced around the room in confusion, and when you didn’t answer, you felt his foot kick into your leg, bringing your eyes back to look at him. His eyebrow was cocked in the air, as if he was waiting for an answer. 

“You’re drunk, Danny… you don’t…” you’d anxiously answered, nodding your head side to side in disbelief. 

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t want me to… stay…” for some reason, he was making you nervous, and you were having trouble answering him. There was no way he wanted you to stay, of all people. No way in hell.

He’d laughed, sitting up on the couch and leaning over to take you in his arms in a giant bear hug. His face was buried into your shoulder, pulling you close in the warmest embrace you’d had in a while. It was strange feeling him this closely, and you shivered a little at his touch. You’d hugged him back, and then felt his lips drift close to your ear. 

“I actually do… want you to stay here with me. In my room, in my bed, until tomorrow morning…” his voice crackled in your ear, the faint scent of spicy tequila still on his breath. It’d sent chills all over your body, and you had to admit, it was a strangely welcome feeling. Danny had never been this close to you, like this, ever before. His words had shocked your system, though, temporarily deeming you unable to respond. 

So when he finally pulled back from the hug and confidently met your eyes again, you let yourself go with it. You were still fairly intoxicated, but this drop dead gorgeous friend of yours who had hardly ever given you the time of day was now throwing himself into your lap. Why turn him down? It was his birthday, after all. 

“I never knew you were into me, Danny,” you’d cooed, watching as his fingers drifted across the back of your hand. 

He sat back and dropped his head against the cushion again, cracking his fingers above his head. “I‘ve always been into you, Y/N. You’re gorgeous and fun, make me laugh… always been so good to me.”

You’d never admitted it, but of course you had pictured yourself with him a time or two. How could you not? Talented, handsome, kind and genuine…always looking for fun and always including you in his outlandish plans. But this…him laying it out on the line like this? It had your body beginning to physically yearn for him, completely out of nowhere. 

“Stop playing, no you haven’t…” you’d argued, still in disbelief. 

He held his hands up in surrender, cocking a sideways smile. “I swear. I just… never had the guts to say anything…”

You contemplated it all for a second, giving him a questioning look that begged for his reassurance. 

“Why not, ya know? Not like we’re strangers…” you’d muttered through a sharp inhale.

You stood from the ottoman and slowly began stepping one foot in front of the other toward him, standing just between his legs. Your heart rate spiked as you answered him, your face flushing with the reality of what you were about to do.  “Just a birthday hookup, huh? Just this one time?”

You let your hand brush against his thigh, your fingers lightly tickling until they reached his hip. It felt as though your hands were disconnected from your body, making their own decision to reach out and touch him as he sat reclined in front of you. Gently, his hands pulled around your waist, his thumbs digging into the flesh, strong and inviting. 

“Just this one time…and that’s it.”

That night, the two of you stayed up until the winter sun was striking through the windows onto Danny’s white down comforter, and only then did the two of you finally drift off to a short but sweet slumber, until the alarm on his phone woke you both in a panic. 

You’d fallen asleep upside-down on the bed, both of your heads at the foot of his king-size. His arm was draped across the small of your back, and his hair was still a messy bundle of curls at the back of his head. 

“Fuck,” he’d muttered, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know, it’s your alarm…”

Suddenly, now, in the light of day and the brightness of the room, the both of you became very conscious of your unclothed selves. You’d felt your cheeks blush at the sight of him, skin still dewy with the after-effects of sweat and sex. You didn’t miss his passing glance of you, too, still halfway wrapped up in his sheets as he maneuvered to the top of the bed to check the time.

“‘S only seven. Shit, I’ve got a headache…” he said, running a hand over his face. 

“Me too,” you mumbled as he laid back down beside you. You pulled the covers up a bit more over your body, feeling extremely exposed in the bright sunlight. He propped himself up on his elbows, giving you a sweet and questioning look. “So, what are we supposed to do now?” you’d asked. “Cuddle?”

His laugh bounced off the walls, the glitter in his eye sending a wave of nerves through your body. 

“We cuddled plenty last night, Y/N. We didn’t end up falling asleep until like, six,” he said, his voice groggy with sleep, or lack thereof. 

“Fuck,” you breathed. “I’m sorry for keeping you up all night, I know you have things to do all day–” he cut you off with a kiss, his neck craning down to meet your lips with the sweetest surprise touch. 

After a few fleeting seconds he pulled away, meeting your eyes as he spoke again. “Don’t you dare apologize to me, Y/N. I asked you to stay in here. Asked you to keep me company on my birthday.” His hand reached up to pull the hair away from your cheek, bringing instant flashbacks of his hands on your face and shoulders last night as he pinned you down, fucking you into his mattress. “I was just completely unaware that both of us would last for that many hours…” he laughed, rolling away to cover his face. 

“God, Danny, don’t embarrass me!” you laughed along with him. 

“What is there to be embarrassed about?! Shit, I think we were great together,” he went on, holding his hand out for you to low-five.

You pursed your lips together, letting your hand clap onto his. “We were, weren’t we? Never would have thought.”

“Shit, I thought about it all the time…” he admitted. 

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” you played, smacking him across the chest. 

“I don’t know, you’re just a girl in my friend group, ya know? My roommate that helps me with rent…didn’t want to freak you out or something and make you hate me,” he explained.

You propped up on your elbow, shaking your head at him. “So we could have been doing this all along?”

“Oh, so you enjoyed yourself, then?” he countered, rolling you to lie on your back as he pulled himself over you again. 

As you gazed up at him above you, small curly strands falling around his face and onto yours, you felt your face get hot, the same need you felt in your stomach for him last night coming back full force. A need you never thought you would have for him. A need that came back to you over and over again the night before, and left you both too exhausted to even bother to see the morning.

“Danny, we fucked like five times, of course I enjoyed myself,” you tried to keep the confidence heavy in your voice. 

His nose scrunched up as he giggled, light and airy into the room. He laced his fingers with yours, lifting your hands together into the air and pulling them back down between you again. This time, you took the initiative and kissed him again, straining to keep things from moving as quickly as they had moved once you finally climbed into his lap on the couch last night.

When you finally separated, both of you refraining from letting it go any further, he disconnected your hands and clenched his jaw. “What do we do now?”

You didn’t want a relationship. And neither did he. That much was very known amongst your friend group, the both of you way too busy with your own lives to devote your time to another. You stood strong in that decision, and you knew for a fact that he would, too. So your mind began wandering, thinking of ways to end this entanglement you’d found yourselves in. 

“What if we just… did this sometimes?” you proposed. 

His brow furrowed. “I’m listening…”

“Our birthdays. Yours in December, and mine in June… it’s perfect. If the both of us are single on our birthday each year, we make a plan to not leave the other lonely…” The idea seemed preposterous, but at the same time, it didn't. A sure-fire way to make each of your birthdays interesting each year, and after the night you’d shared last night, you’re positive he wouldn’t turn the idea down.

His eyes dashed around the room as he considered it, taking a deep breath as he sat up in the bed. You caught a glance of his naked lower half, and your eyes rolled back on their own accord as you pictured his hips pounding into yours last night in the darkness of his bedroom. You sat up too, challenging his gaze. 

He held his hand out again, this time for you to shake. 

“Deal.”

—-

After deciding on the three bottles of wine, two white and a red, your mind begins wandering off by itself, causing you to hardly pay attention to the fact that you are singing the words to the song playing in your headphones out loud. You bite your lips, glancing around to see if anyone had seen you, or worse, heard your horribly flat singing voice. Luckily the aisle is clear, so you make a mad dash for the checkout line, ready to get out and head back home for dinner. 

The drive is short, and when you finally arrive in the driveway, you find that you’re the last one to get there. 

“Hello, hello,” you sing as you let yourself inside, kicking off your flip flops at the door. You set the bag of wine bottles on his island where Jake and Sam are busy preparing the meal. 

“Thank god, the booze is here!” you hear Josh sing through the house as he makes his way over to stand beside you, opening the drawer of the island to search for Danny’s wine opener. You set all three bottles in line on the countertop in a nice straight line. “Shiraz, Y/N? That’s surely a bold choice…” Josh says, rolling his eyes. 

“The label looked pretty, I don’t know!” you counter, shoving your shoulder into his. “It already smells really good, guys…” you say as you leave Josh to the wine, leaning over Jake’s shoulder as he stirs a pot at the stove. Suddenly Danny is leaning over his other side, sticking his finger in whatever sauce Jake is stirring.

“Aht, aht!” Jake swats his hand away just as Danny sticks his finger into the saucepan. “It’s not perfect yet…”

“Tastes good as hell to me,” Danny says, locking eyes with you as he pops his lips over his finger. You feel your insides churn.

“So Y/N, your birthday is next week, you guys planning your weird little bi-yearly birthday hookup still?” Josh nonchalantly asks as he yanks the cork from the bottle of red. Fortunately, it only took nearly two years for your friends to catch on to your and Danny’s little birthday agreement, when Jake inadvertently tried to surprise Danny with filling up his bathroom with balloons, only to find you bent over the bathroom sink. 

“Christ, Josh, you have to put it like that?” Danny intervened. “Geez…”

“What?! That’s what it is, right?” Josh says as he pulls glasses down from the cabinet. You feel your face blush, even though it’s an open topic, at this point. 

Danny pulls himself up to sit on the corner of his countertop. “No, we simply enjoy the other’s company on our birthdays because both of us suck at the dating playing field and always decide to indulge in one another’s availability, right Y/N?”

“That’s correct,” you confidently agree as you listen to the others groan.

Josh throws his head back and laughs loudly. 

“What?” Danny yelps.

“You don’t think it’s funny that neither of you have ever had a significant other on your birthdays for the past what, three years now?” Josh says, eliciting silent looks of agreement from his brothers.

“Mmm, no, I don’t think it’s funny. We both suck at dating, you heard him. This is just…our way of making sure we aren’t alone twice a year.” The attempt at explaining yourselves is transparent, at this point. You know you’re lying to yourselves. It's obvious. Each and every time you pull yourself from Danny’s bed, or he from yours, you feel your bones begging you to stay. You like him, you’ll admit it, but only to yourself. 

Twice a year isn’t enough, it was never enough. And you know for a fact that it will never be enough. On his birthday last year, you could have sworn you heard him say something close to the ‘L’ word as he came for the third time that night, his voice low and whining as you clenched around him, bringing him to his completely fucked-out state of mind. Each hookup had gotten hotter, heavier, and more serious. Each time was better than the last, and this last one was so intense, that you ended up staying in his room a second night, completely breaking your own rules. 

As you slipped out of his bedroom that second morning, his honey brown eyes were begging you to stay, his lips touching his fingertips and blowing it your way as you quietly shut his bedroom door behind you. 

That morning broke you. That morning your heart told you what it wanted. 

That morning was the last time you denied it to yourself– you were absolutely head over heels for him. The yearning you’d felt had begun overtaking your whole self. And it wasn’t just yearning, it was something else. Something more powerful, something you couldn’t grasp the notion of, because you’d never felt it before. It’s now become something that makes your days drag by with the thought of him, not only sexually but personally, too. You feel wrapped up in his life, intertwined with his decisions, and some days you barely even have the time to give each other more than a goodmorning and goodnight. Sure, you still meet up every week with your group for dinner, but the subtle touches and the intense glances that are being shared almost on the daily now have become too much. You want to tell him. You need to tell him.

“Hm. Okay, so… what’s the plan this year?” Josh asks, obviously wanting to pry into your business, just like always. 

“Josh, it’s none of your fucking business. Can you leave them alone for a second?” Sam says as he empties the box of rice into the insta-pot. 

“No, it’s fine. I have big plans…” Danny bites his cheeks in as he denies himself a cheeky smile, swinging his bare feet as he sits on the counter. His eyes are boring into yours, and you swear just a simple word from him would have you on your knees for him, anymore. 

“Big plans, huh?” you try to avoid his stare. 

“Mmmmhm…” he says, grinning to himself. “Might have you running away and never coming back, though.”

You nearly choke on the sip of wine swirling in your mouth. Throughout the years, you will admit, your hookups had gotten more and more mischievous as time went on, both of you pushing each other’s boundaries just a little more each time. Nothing had ever gotten too crazy, but after his birthday last year, it was an unwritten understanding that not much was off the table, at all. 

Sam plugs his ears with his fingers. “La la la I don’t wanna hear details!”

Jake pulls his wooden spoon from the sauce, turning to face all of you. “I do, I wanna hear it. Keep going. What’s the plan?”

“I’m not fuckin’ tellin’ you guys, it’ll ruin the surprise,” Danny argues as Josh hands him a glass of wine. 

“Okay well you can tell me after her birthday then, right?” Jake pushes. 

Emma steps in front of him, taking the now dripping spoon from his hand and running her tongue up the side to catch it from going into the floor. “Yeah Danny, maybe you should give him the rundown, maybe it’ll get his wheels turning,” she challenges, bouncing her eyebrows to Jake as she places the spoon back into the sauce. You laugh at her, feeling no embarrassment in the least. 

“Get my wheels turning?! What is that supposed to mean?!” Jake yells, grabbing her waist from behind and spinning her around the kitchen. 

You lock eyes with Danny again as he gives you a suspicious look of excitement, like he’s trying his hardest to keep his idea locked inside. 

—---

After a rambunctious and wine-drunk dinner, everyone begins to file out of the house, stumbling away to either walk down the street to their respective homes, or catching a ride out with other friends to the nearest bar. You’re left behind again, like always, helping Danny with dishes and pouring out the remaining bits of wine left behind in the glasses. 

“So, next week. The big 2-5. You still down for hanging out?” he asks as he dries the last dish, as if you would ever say no. 

“Actually, I think I’m going to spend this year alone, ya know? Keep it low key, order some take-out and curl up on the couch,” you say with a cheeky tone.

His jaw hangs slack as he nearly drops the towel in his hand. “Really?”

You scoff. “No, Danny. Are you serious? We shook on it, and I don’t break my promises,” you laugh. You slowly walk toward him, the line between friend and more than a friend getting blurrier as time goes on. You want to put your hands on his bare chest, press yourself against his warm body, crane your neck up to meet for a sweet kiss, but you don’t. Because you can’t. Because he isn’t yours. 

So instead you just simply stand before him, leaning a hand onto the countertop. 

He lets out an audible sigh of relief. “Shew, good. I was about to be pissed at you, Y/N,” he breathes as he playfully shoves your shoulder. “Standing me up on your birthday…”

You smile as you realize your feet are carrying you closer to him on their own. You try to stop them, try to tell them no, but you can’t. Now you’re standing in front of him, your chests almost touching as you let your finger trail up his arm to his neck. “I’d never stand you up, Danny. Not in a million years,” you murmur. 

You feel his body stiffen as you let your singular fingertip connect with his skin, your touch a featherlight drift. You glance down at his hand balanced on the cold marble countertop, his fingers tightening and loosening under the weight of his own want to touch you back. You hear him breathe in, fast and choppy as you begin to manipulate the line between friends and more, truly unable to keep it black and white no matter how much you try. Finally you let your eyes look into his, dark and brooding and looking a lot like they do after a few rounds of self-indulgence with you.

“Good,” he growls, “because I have a hell of a night planned for us.”

Us.

“Is that right?” you question, still trailing your fingertip across his arm and neck. You can see the chill bumps forming on his skin now, and you can tell he is physically restraining himself from succumbing to his mental constraints. You have to admit, you’re finding it very satisfying, watching his mind tell his body no. The muscles in his arms flex and tighten as you step closer, slowly tiptoeing to bring your faces close, your lips barely ghosting his. 

“That’s very right,” he whispers, opening his mouth slightly as if he’s going to kiss you, but instead pulling back a little. The proximity is enough to make you feel soaked already, your entire body buzzing with fire for him. 

“When do you want me ready?” you breathe, letting your lips graze across his, your finger now hooked behind his bicep. His hands are still gripping as he balances between the island and the countertop as he leans down to you, restraining himself still yet. 

He’s inhaling and blowing air quickly through his nose, and you know for a fact that he’s holding himself back with everything in him. His jaw clenches hard as his eyes stay trained on your lips. “Want you right now, if I’m being honest…” His words make the butterflies in your stomach explode their wings. 

You can taste the wine still heavy on his breath. “But it’s not my birthday, Danny…” you retort.

He takes a deep breath. “I’m getting to a point where I don’t care.”

You swallow it down. Maybe your thoughts are mutual… Your heart is absolutely racing, like it would do when you found out your elementary school crush liked you back. You don’t even know what to say, at this point, you want him so badly…your vision blurring with the mental snaps of the two of you wrapped up in one another again. 

“You should care, we have an agreement,” you admit through your teeth, as badly as it hurts to say it. “We set our rules.”

He scoffs hard. “I don’t remember signing my name on any dotted line, Y/N,” he spurts back, making you feel that drop in your stomach again. He wants to break the rules, too.

You bite your lips in, deciding to cut your losses. You step back from him, disconnecting your finger from behind his arm, and stepping away. The flushed look on his pink cheeks is enough to make you want to run back into his arms, and the look on his face makes it seem as though he just lost the one thing in his life he never planned on having, anyway. 

“I asked you a question, Danny. When do you want me ready?” you say strongly. 

He closes his eyes and recenters, swallowing down his thoughts. “Uh, uhm. F-Friday. Around 8.” He finally cleans up his expression and meets you with a smile again. “Be ready to celebrate.”

—--

DANNY POV

Friday rolls around more quickly than you thought it would. The group had decided to rain-check family dinner this week, planning on celebrating Y/N’s birthday the following weekend when everyone would be in town at the same time. 

Your palms had been sweaty all day just at the thought of what tonight would hold, and you realize that you hadn’t been this anxious for a night together with Y/N, yet. The nerves are positively eating you alive, but you shove them down, knowing that you shouldn’t be having them in the first place. She doesn’t feel for you the same way you feel for her, and she likely never will. 

It’s heartbreaking and wasteful, really, knowing that your sexual chemistry with her is only put to good use twice a fucking year when it should be being shared with her whenever you wanted to show her how much you really care, but. Here you find yourself. 

She’s taking up all the extra space in your mind these days. You feel like you’re floating on air each and every time the vision of her face pops into your mind, you feel like you can feel the blood in your veins rising to a hotter temperature than you’ve ever experienced, and you find yourself wanting to give her all the things she’s ever wanted, and more. Your friend, one of your best friends, you’d say, unknowingly spinning herself into your life in a way that you can’t even tell her about.

That last birthday you shared together, your twenty-fifth, wasn’t the same as the rest before it. Sure, fucking her was high on your list of excellent sexual experiences thus far, but that last time, shit. Had your head spinning for days after. Never had a woman gotten you more fucked up than she did after that night. Two nights, really. That was when you knew it was real. When you wanted to ask her to stay, don’t go… be with me here and don’t ever leave… But your pride got the best of you. So you let her walk out, taking every single last bit of hope you had to make her yours with her as she walked out your bedroom door. 

Could she not see it? Did she not notice how horribly you want her, all the time? Surely she doesn’t think you’re just being nice when you do little things for her… offer to change the oil in her car, take her lunch to work, send her every single funny meme and video you have ever come across simply because you know they’ll make her laugh…

Apparently not. But you don’t want to push too hard, too soon, either. If it’s meant to happen, it will. Hell, you hadn’t even told Sam about these feelings you’d been having. No one knows. This is a secret you’d kept bottled up for months now. 

You come back inside after a quick trip to the grocery store and gently place the items from your arms onto the island, making sure the champagne bottle doesn’t tip over and break. You stick the bottle into the fridge and remove everything else from the plastic bags before rushing into your bedroom to make sure it’s presentable. 

While she was at work, you’d spent the majority of the day cleaning up the general guy-ness of your bedroom, putting on a fresh set of sheets and giving the bathroom a good wipe-down. You’d never cared this much, for what she thinks of your surroundings…

…But you want tonight to be special. You want this birthday to be her favorite one, yet. And you’re determined to do so. You’d placed various candles around the surfaces of your bedroom, trying to make it romantic, but not so much that it will make her think you’re trying too hard.

When you decide that your room is as neat as it’s going to get, you go back into the kitchen and tear into the small cardboard box that’s been hiding away on top of your refrigerator for almost a month now. You’d seen an ad for it while scrolling instagram or something, and you knew right then that you had to get it. Your birthdays spent with her were becoming more and more experimental, and the idea for this year had fallen right into your lap. 

You rip the packing tape off the box, letting it fall to the wayside as you open the flaps, finding the perfectly wrapped 2 and 5 candles in all their glittering glory. Shiny, crimson red wax with metallic gold trimming, long wicks and a thickness that regular store-bought candles just don’t have. You smirk as you pull them from the packaging and lay them in front of her small cake- chocolate with white buttercream icing. Her favorite. A glance at the clock on the stove lets you know you have an hour until she gets home, so you scurry off to the shower to get a last-minute scrub before you inevitably hear her coming through the door. 

—--

Your stomach nearly falls to the floor when you hear the front door unlatch, and you find her a  tired and flustered mess after her long shift. You busy yourself on your laptop, trying your best to seem more involved with what you’re doing than watching her unload her things from her arms onto the table.

“Hey birthday girl,” you mutter without looking back at her. “How was your day?”

You feel her lean all her body weight across the back of the couch beside you. “Long,” she huffs, “but not bad.”

You find the confidence to turn your head to her, finding her resting her head into her palm as she eyes you. You have to reel it all back in as you feel her so closely in your presence again. 

“Good,” you reply, keeping it short. “Not too tired to skip our date?”

She hums a sweet laugh. “No. Most definitely not.”

“Are we…leaving the house? I’m trying to decide what to wear…” she asks shyly.

You have to remind yourself that she’s your friend, there’s nothing to be scared of, you do this all the time…

“No, actually. We’re staying home,” you reply.

Home. Your home, with her. 

“Eight o’clock?” she reiterates.

“Yep, on the dot,” you tease as she stands to make her way to her end of the house.

She sways down the hallway, tossing her jacket over her shoulder as she disappears into the shadows. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

—---

A few hours later, you’re leaned on the island swirling a lowball glass of tequila, waiting for her to emerge from her bedroom. You’d been standing patiently, fashionably early for your birthday date in the kitchen as you listened to the faint sounds of her music playing as she got ready. 

Your nerves are already shot, the tequila doing little to assist in qualming the nervous anxiety swirling through you. So when you finally hear her bedroom door open and her steps coming down the hall, you have to tilt the rest back in hopes that it will hit you a little more quickly. 

She’s dressed cute, but comfortable, and you can tell she did her hair that special way that you’d complimented a few weeks ago. She smells like sweet sugary flowers mixed with the woodsy smell of rain, and just her scent as she approached you was already driving you insane. 

You meet her in the middle of the kitchen, grabbing her hand to twirl her around into your embrace. “Happy birthday, gorgeous,” you mutter, your face falling into her hair for a second. 

Her arms lift around your neck, squeezing just a little as she places the sweetest kiss to your cheek. “Thank you, Danny.” You allow yourself to hold her for just a second, your right hand gripping the wrist of your left at the back of her waist. 

“You hungry?” You ask as you pull away from her. 

“Yeah, whatcha making?” she replies, taking a seat at the island. 

You grab the box of the frozen pizza you’d previously thrown in the oven, displaying it for her. 

“Oh my god, my favorite!” she squeals. “I’m so excited.”

You laugh as you fold the box up, cramming it into the trash can. “Knew you would be. It’s not a five-star birthday meal, but. Let’s be honest. I can’t cook for shit, and you love this pizza more than you love a lot of things…”

“No, you’re so right. I’ve actually been craving it for a while,” she giggles. 

“Wait, I also gotttttt….” You make your way to the fridge, pulling out the bottle of champagne. 

“Shit, pizza and champagne? You know exactly how to make a girl happy, Daniel.” She blushes a little, and you know you’re on the right track for the night. 

“You gotta open it, though. It’s bad luck if someone else opens the champagne bottle on your birthday,” you lie, scooting the bottle to her across the countertop. 

“You’re crazy. Give it,” she rolls her eyes as she takes the bottle, twisting the key seven times and removing the wire casing. She stands from her chair, gripping the bottle in both hands as she searches for somewhere to aim. 

“At the wall! Just not toward a window!” you warn, closing one eye as she begins to push on the cork. Finally it pops off, flying toward the wall as the bubbly pours from the neck of the bottle. “Get it, Y/N, get it!” 

She cups her lips over the overflowing bottle, slurping up as much as she can before it flows into the floor. The two of you laugh as you bring two glasses over, letting her pour them up. Just then the timer for the pizza goes off, and the sound of the beeps reminds you that time is ticking, making your nerves rush for the main event. 

——-

After stuffing yourselves with pizza and downing the bottle of champagne, the two of you are piled up on the couch sharing a six pack of some crazy peach flavored beer she’d bought last week. 

You’re seated on the couch as she reclines across it, her legs in your lap. You’d talked a lot tonight, like more than you maybe ever have before. Sure, you’d been friends for many years now, but majority of the time, you’re surrounded by the other guys always intervening on your conversations, or interrupting your discussions. 

But after three hours of deep exchange, you swear you could talk to her until the end of time, and never get tired of it. She looks natural with her bare, sunkissed legs draped across your lap, and your hand that’s mindlessly drifting over her thigh and knee looks like it belongs there. 

Her drunken laughter bounces off the walls and right into your chest, making your entire self beam with happiness and adoration for her. The way she takes up space in the home you share gives you an inexplicable feeling. Roommates doesn’t even begin to describe what you want to title your living situation with her.

Your faces are blotched red and tears are falling from your eyes as the two of you come down from a laughing fit, and a sweet recovery silence falls over the both of you. Her eyes are bloodshot from the alcohol, and her face is flushed from the belly laughs. 

“You’re really pretty, Danny,” she flits, making you whip your head her way. 

“What?” you ask, embarrassed. 

“You’re pretty. Well, you’re handsome, of course, but. You’re also pretty,” she explains, her words making you feel shy. 

“Oh, thank you, Y/N. Don’t think anyone’s ever told me that before…” you respond. Your hand grips into her thigh a little bit as your head falls back onto the couch cushion. You meet her eyes, the both of you staring at each other while everything else in the room disappears. You hold the gaze for a long while, each passing second making your breathing pick up. Fuck, she makes you nervous. 

Finally, she stands, pushing her hair back behind her ear as she reaches for you to take her hand. “Take me to bed, Danny…” she whispers. 

Okay. 

You slowly stand, keeping her hand in yours as she pulls you into the center of the room. Like magnets, your bodies are pulled into one another, your hands finding both of hers as you turn to walk her backwards down the hall to your room. You move in slow motion as the two of you glide across the wooden floors, taking your sweet, special time. 

You take her chin between your fingers, and push her hair back again before leaning down to press your lips to hers. It’s gentle and sweet and slow, her lips parting only just a little bit as you guide her down the long hallway. You allow yourself the indulgence of her lips, the feeling of her tongue gently swiping across yours, the flavor of everything that she is. It’s all perfect, she’s perfect. 

Her hands finally find your face and hair, entangling themselves like they always do, pulling you further into her. For this only being the sixth time you’ve done this, it feels like the most natural thing in the world to you. It doesn’t make any sense that you waste your time thinking about it, instead of giving her the loving that she deserves. 

But you plan on showing her tonight. You may not be able to tell her, but damned if you can’t try your best to show her. 

“Wait, I almost forgot,” you pause as you approach your bedroom door. “I’ll be right back. Stay here,” you command, squeezing her shoulders. “No peeking,” you whisper as you watch her eyelids close.  

You’d already strategically placed her cake on the table in your room, with two forks and no plates. But the last finishing touch is the sporadically placed candles. You grab your lighter from your nightstand and light them one by one, watching as the flickering flames cast a warm glow across your walls. Perfect. Lastly, you place the 2 and 5 candles in the center of the cake, but wait to light them. 

You slip back out into the hall, finding her still standing with her eyes closed. You grab her hands and pull her to walk toward you. “Keep them closed.”

Her smile lights up your entire world. “What are we doing, Danny? I’m scared…” 

“Don’t be scared, babe. S’just me…”

You pull her inside, instructing her to sit down on the bed as you grab the cake and lighter. You balance it in one hand and flick the lighter with the other, lighting the wicks of both the number candles. 

“Open your eyes.”

Her eyes flick open, finding the room completely illuminated with orange glow. “Ah, Danny…” she gasps, glancing around the room, and finally to the cake in your hands in front of her. 

“Hm hm hmm hm hmmm hmm…” you hum the Happy Birthday song, your voice a bit shaky and jittery with nerves. “Don’t forget to make a wish,” you say, watching as her eyes flick to yours, then back to the cake in your hands. She closes her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, and blowing out the flames of her 25.

“You wanna know what I wished for?” she asks. 

You shake your head. “No. But I hope it comes true.”

You set the cake down on your nightstand and you sit back down beside her on your bed. You bring her in close again, letting your forehead balance on hers before you make contact. You swear to it, you could get lost in kissing her more easily than you could get lost in a foreign country. You’d kissed her a hundred times before, but lately…now…

Things move slowly, things move sweetly…normally the two of you waste no time in ripping one another’s clothes off, biting and scratching and devouring each other like you’re starved, but tonight feels like it deserves more attention than that. It deserves to be appreciated. 

Your hands drift to the bottom hem of her cream-colored eyelet lace dress, your hand drifting up her thigh. You pull the dress as you go, revealing her thong hugging her hip. Your hand slips below the waistband, and you run your fingers along it and down the front pantyline, the backs of your knuckles skimming across her heat. She whines a little at the contact, and you feel your vision growing blurry. 

You continue kissing her while slowly letting your hands explore her in a way you’ve never let them before, taking special care to pay attention to your every move. The kiss becomes more longing when you let a digit slip into her folds, feeling her wetness coating your finger for the first time in six months. Her hands grip onto your shoulders, pulling your upper body into her. You push her back to lay on the bed, never once disconnecting your mouths. 

Her left knee is bent into the air while the other one lies flat, so you push it to the side a little as your hand still hides in her panties. Her hand is yanking at the back of your hair as your featherlight touch drifts up and down, finally landing on her sweet spot. She cries quietly into your mouth when you land on it just right, using your middle finger to swirl her wetness across it. 

She sits up a little, reaching to your back to pull your cotton t-shirt over your head. You disconnect for just a second to help her, and toss it to the floor. “Mmm there you are,” she mumbles, her hands rushing across the skin of your chest and arms while you go back to work. 

You feel her legs spread, giving you the ok to move further. You let your two middle fingers dip inside of her to the hilt, her muscles already tight and twisting around you. “Fuck baby, you’re tight…” you pull away long enough to say. With your words she tightens around you on purpose, clenching herself as you begin pumping your hand in and out of her. You start to wonder if you’re the only one she’s slept with since December. Not that it’s any of your business, but, lately you’d decided that your feelings for her had gathered so heavily in your chest that that six month gap would be worth it, if it meant she could be all yours.

You watch her face in awe, suddenly feeling no ounce of shyness in the least in watching her come undone around your hand. Her bottom lip bites into her mouth as her eyelids flutter open and shut, and the sounds that escape from her lips make you realize how beyond ready for her you are. 

You continue pumping your fingers in and out of her, feeling her drip down onto the bed sheets below you. “You wanna let go like this for me, baby?” you ask, having trouble keeping your breaths even. 

“No. Yes, but no…” she concedes. “Wanna… want you…”

You smirk. “Go ahead, Y/N, we’ve got all night. You know how we are...” You take the opportunity to twist your fingers inside of her, turning your arm so that your palm is now pressed against her heat instead of perpendicular with it. You lean down and lick a stripe up the side of her neck as you leave your fingers buried deep, stopping the pumping altogether and instead wiggling the tips of your fingers against the spot deep inside her. 

“Fuck Danny,” she breathes. “Keep it there keep it there…” Her eyes squeeze shut as you watch her chase her high, her hand squeezing at your pec and gripping onto it with everything she has. 

It’s impressive really, how much you’d learned her body after just being with her a handful of times over the course of three years, learning her ins and outs and what drives her crazy for you, and stowing them away at the back of your mind until the next birthday. 

You make quick and heady work of brushing your fingers across that spot, pressing your palm against her clit and adding just the right amount of circular pressure in both places. Her legs fall open even further and her head tilts back, all of her muscles tightening as she cries out, giving you her first orgasm of the night. And you had barely even removed any clothing yet. 

When she’s done, you gather up her wetness and pull it onto her stomach under her dress, letting your middle finger massage it onto her skin. “Fuck…” she breathes out, wiping the hair from her face. “That didn’t take me long,” she laughs.

“No, it didn’t,” you agree, sitting up on the bed. “Must be excited to see me.” 

She sits up and stands from the bed, pulling her flowy cream dress up over her hips and hiking one knee after the other across either side of you. You lean back away from her straddle, resting your arms back on the bed as you get a good look at her, already glowy. She reaches up and clasps her hands behind your neck. “Very excited to see you,” she admits shyly. 

“Hm, really? You see me every day,” you poke, trying to feel out her level. 

“Yeah but we can’t do this on random Tuesday afternoons, or in front of our friends, now, can we?” she presses, letting her hips fall onto your lap. You reach one finger to her chest and trail it up to under her chin, pulling her into you. Your heart begins pounding as you fall into a ravenous kiss again, this time bringing more heat than you even began to touch on a few minutes ago. Your hands fall to her waist, pulling her down onto you as she moves her knees to sit closer, pressing your chests together. Your hands travel across her thighs and to her waist, then finally around to grip her ass. 

Though your tongue is burying itself deeply into her mouth, you’re metaphorically biting it. You want to tell her that yes, you do want to move things in another direction with her, you do want to hold her hand in front of your friends, you do want them to know how crazy you actually are for her. So in an act of boldness, you try. 

“Maybe not in this regard, but they probably wouldn’t mind a little PDA…” 

She giggles as she wraps her hands in your hair. “PDA? Like flirting with each other? In front of them?”

“Yeah, just like that. They already know we sleep together sometimes, they have to know we, ya know… are allowed to let it flow into days that aren’t our birthdays…” you swallow the words down, feeling so anxious that she may take them the wrong way, or hate them altogether. 

“You think they’d make fun of us?” she asks, her mouth kissing behind your ear.

“Oh yeah, they would. But, I’d be there to slap the fuck out of them if they embarrass you,” you respond, squeezing your hands into her hips. 

Her tongue is tickling the sensitive skin around your ear as she lays tiny pecks near your hairline. “I think I’d be okay with a little flirting… sometimes it almost happens naturally, anyway,” she says, making your heart rate soar again. 

“Really?”

She nods, coming up to face you now, her cheeks tinted the palest pink. “Mmhm, sometimes I have to stop myself from touching you in front of them. You know, just innocently.”

You swallow hard, knowing the exact feeling all too well. When you’re surrounded by your friends making dinner or whatever it may be, you’ve found yourself having to stop your hand from grazing across her lower back as you walk by, from leaning down to kiss her cheek, anything, all the time. She’s right, it does feel natural to want to do that. 

“I do, too, actually,” you admit. “You… It feels normal to me. Just a reflex.” You buck your hips up into her as you speak, your body begging you for some contact. 

The whimper that leaves her chest ignites that deep carnal instinct inside you, wanting, needing to connect yourself with her again. You gather the soft fabric of her dress in your hands, signaling to her that you want to pull it off. She lifts her arms above her head, allowing you easy access to tear it all the way off of her. As her hair cascades back down over her shoulders you realize that her dress didn’t require a bra. So, you’re left staring at her left only in her thong, her breasts sitting more perfectly than you remember them. “You’re so gorgeous, Y/N, I swear…” you grit, raking over her body with your eyes. 

She hops off of your lap, motioning with one finger for you to stand. When you follow her order, she falls to her knees, working her fingers to unbutton your jeans. “Fuck, wait,” you say. Her eyes glance up at you through her eyelashes. “Pull your hair back.”

She does as you say, pulling her hair into a ponytail at her neck while you undo your jeans with one swift movement. She gets done with her hair quickly, swatting your hand away and pulling your zipper down. “Take them all the way off, Danny,” she demands, and the backs of your knees hit the mattress as you lean over, kicking them and your underwear off one leg at a time. You kick them to the side as she walks on her knees closer to you, taking your already over-hard dick in her right hand, licking her lips just a little before she swirls her tongue around the tip. Everything had just happened really fast, her urgency making your blood pump. Her tongue flattened out against you, and she pressed you all the way to the back of her throat, almost making your knees buckle under you. 

She grabs your hand, pulling it toward the back of her head. You take the signal and wrap your hand around her hair just as her lips meet your base, and you hold her there, feeling the saliva already beginning to pool in her mouth. “God damnit, baby, fuck you’re so good at this. Don’t even need my help…” You loosen your grip and allow her to drag her lips across your shaft, adding hard suction as she slowly ascends off. 

“Want your help, though. Do it…” she motions, so you do. You use her ponytail to guide her up and down you, forcefully pushing and pulling on her head just like she likes it. The first time you did this, you were a bit thrown off, as you’ve always just let whoever was pleasing you do whatever they felt. But she likes it when you tell her when and where you want her to be. 

The candles are physically heating up the air in the room, providing a heat that feels like a heavy blanket on your skin. Your mind flashes with remembering the special candles, and you feel a spark of excited electricity shoot through your body. The baby hairs around her face are beginning to stick to her forehead as her eyes glance up to look at you, doelike and pleading. 

She hums onto your dick as you squeeze her cheeks together, taking a hard hold on her jawline as your opposite hand guides her motions. Your head falls back as you feel the knot tightening in your stomach, but you can’t let go just yet. Her tongue swirls around your tip and the sounds that her mouth is making sound downright ruthless, spurring on your albeit degraded current situation. 

She moans onto you as her lips pull on and off, all by the force of your hand. You pull her hair particularly roughly, watching as the string of saliva connects her mouth to you, still. You take the second to sit down on the bed, physically unable to stand for another second without losing all will to hold yourself up. She moves in closer and digs her nails into the soft skin between your legs, sending a shake through your body. “Mother fucker baby, keep going with that…” you say, biting your bottom lip as you watch her. She scratches at your skin a few more times before you finally decide you can’t take it anymore, pulling and pushing on her head at a quicker pace. 

“Mhmm…” she moans as she nods her head ‘yes’, and you feel the deep rumble in your stomach, telling you that you’re not far. She kisses her lips down tightly on you this time, flicking her tongue in all the right places as you feel her throat tightening around you. 

“So fuckin’ deep baby, shit…” you say as your hips jut forward a few times, your dick hitting the back of her throat. Suddenly you feel your world falling apart as you let go into her, the dim orange light of the room turning into flashes of black and white as you send your streams down her throat. You wrap her hair around your hand as you hold her just where you want her, pulling her closely into you as you hiss through your release. 

When you finally take a breath and your vision unblurs, you watch as she wipes her chin with the back of her hand, standing to her feet again and joining you on the bed, a completely smug and satisfied look on her face.

“The fuck are you grinning about, huh?” you ask, pulling her in toward you again. 

“Nothin’, I just really love being the one to make you make noises like that,” she says, biting back another smile. 

“Well, you’ve got me figured out, seriously,” you compliment her, and it was the absolute truth. 

She shrugs you off. “Eh, I’m out of practice, really.” 

Oh?

“No way, you’re like… well seasoned,” you kid. 

“You dick!” she yells, stifling a laugh. “I haven’t even done that in six months.” You can tell she regretted saying it as soon as she did, suddenly avoiding your eyes and pulling one of your pillows up to cover her chest. 

“...You’re kidding,” you breathe, truly in disbelief. 

She shakes her head. “Lame, huh?”

“N-no, not lame. I–You haven’t, since…?” you stammer.

“Nope. Since your birthday. Go ahead, laugh at me all you want,” she says, motioning with her hand. 

Her words hit you right in the gut. She hadn’t been with anyone since you…

“I’m not gonna laugh at you, Y/N. I… I actually haven’t been with anyone else, either.”

Her eyes meet yours in disbelief. “Really?”

You nod. “Not this time around.”

She sits for just a second, hugging the pillow to her. “Why not?”

You shrug, the nerves bubbling in your stomach. “I dunno, no one’s really…struck my interest. Not enough to bring back home, anyway.”

She pulls one shoulder up toward her ear. “Yeah, mine neither. I’ve…tried, ya know, but.” She swallows. “My birthday is my favorite holiday for a reason.”

You can’t stop the joy that rises in your chest, your extremities tingling and your heart beating in your ears as she basically admits she doesn’t enjoy anyone but you. She hasn’t made it work with anyone else in six months. 

“Six months is a long time to wait, Y/N,” you mutter quietly. 

She pulls the pillow down, moving closer to you on the bed. “Not when what you’re waiting for is all you can ever think about.”

Fuck… it feels like your head is going to float right off of your shoulders out of a pure high at her admission. Your chest gets warm and your mouth goes dry, and you swear if you were looking in the mirror, there would be stars in your eyes. 

She feels the same. 

After a few seconds of disbelief, you find the nerve to answer her, a hardly audible whisper as you bring your face close to hers. “I think I’d wait for you for fifty years, if you wanted me to…”

Her hand cups your jawline as she grits her teeth, pulling you into her again. Your mouth wants to devour her all over again, but instead you take note of the tender moment, laying a sweet kiss to her lips that has a promise behind it. 

Her eyebrows furrow together when you pull away, a look you’re familiar with but also one that told you she’s confused. She opens her mouth to speak, probably to ask you if what you’d just said is true. But nothing comes out. She just stares at you in disbelief. 

Your hand finds her hip as you yank her body in with a little force, almost nose to nose now.

“Yeah, you heard me right. I’d wait for you, I will wait for you, if that’s what you want me to do…” you say, feeling so anxious for the outcome of this conversation you could almost be sick. It’s either going to end really really well, or so badly that you’d end up alone in bed tonight. But the risk outweighs the outcome, and you are ready and prepared to take it, whatever it might be.

She swallows hard as you watch her eyes become glazed. Her hands are balancing around your neck and across your shoulders, and you can feel the heat rising in her palms as her digits nervously fidget. It feels like a hundred years pass in the time you wait for her to respond, and you contemplate taking it all back. Making up an excuse, saying just kidding, we’re just friends… But the panic stops as soon as she finds her words. 

She shakes her head. “Wait for me… you’d, you wanna actually…?”

“Be with you more than just twice a year? Yeah, Y/N, I really would. You– you kinda have held a really special place for a long, long time now.” You swallow again, letting the words you’ve kept pent up for so long finally flow, but still feeling a little embarrassed by the admission. “I just never said anything, ya know, because of our arrangement. It worked so well for us but. I… I don’t know. It feels like more to me, lately.” 

She nods hard again, a tiny smile crossing her lips as her eyes stay trained on yours. But she stays quiet. 

“Can you say something, Y/N?” you ask through a huffed laugh. 

“It is more, Danny. It’s been more to me for a long time, too. You take up more space in my mind than I’d like to admit,” she says, now avoiding eye contact. 

Wow… finally. Finally, there it is.

“Why do we both deny it?” you whisper.

She shrugs, massaging the back of your neck. “I don’t know. But I don’t really want to anymore.”

You wrap your arm around her torso, pulling her weight from underneath her as you lay her flat on her back. 

“Then we don’t,” you say as you tower over her, the candle light flickering in her eyes and off of her skin. Her body is beautiful, there’s no denying that, but what has always gotten you is how she carries herself…how her body language is always reflective of exactly what she’s feeling in the moment. And right now, as her midsection arches up into you begging you to touch her again, you have no other thoughts than to appease her. 

Your mouth travels down her chest and across her belly, leaving long, lingering kisses across her body. As you get closer and closer to her heat, you move to kneel on the floor just as she had for you earlier, slipping your hands underneath her to pull her to the edge. Even in all your wild, drunken sexual adventures with her, for some reason, you’d never concentrated on this. You’d never gone down on her. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, as it was one of your favorite activities, but the immediate pull to one another on these nights always ended up with getting straight to the good part. Neither of you really ever left time for the embellishments. 

She perks up onto her elbows as she gazes at your face between her legs. “Danny…”

“Let me show you what I mean, baby,” you more ask than say, running your tongue down the inside of her thigh. Her body stiffens as she still gives you that look of hesitation. Your tongue drifts over her opening as you tease her, barely ghosting overtop of everywhere but her sweet spot. She shudders again. “Unless you don’t want me to…”

“No! No I want you to. Please. You’ve just…” she finally relaxes her head back down. 

“I know I haven’t. And that’s on me. But I wanna show you that I’ve been thinking about this, doing just this since the last time I had you…” you explain, finally delving your tongue deeply into her. Her reaction is immediate, her back arching up again as her hands find your hair. The sounds she makes make you strain to keep it together, and the taste of her finally on your tongue is enough to make you want to stop altogether, and get to the good part, but you savor this instead, realizing you’ve wanted her like this for so long. 

You squeeze your lips over her, inching your tongue languidly inside of her and moving it back up to circle her clit. When you finally find it, she squeals, exhaling as her hands rip into your scalp. You glance to the head of the bed, pulling down a pillow and positioning it underneath her back to get a better angle. Your hands snake under her again, squeezing her ass as you pull her in. 

“Fuck Danny, why did you hold back on this for so long?” she asks through a pant, her legs opening and closing over your ears. “Shit…” You realize that you don’t really have an answer.

She’s writhing and fighting herself, and you can tell she’s nearing the peak, until she backs off again, likely wanting to make this last. She hums and purrs as you work over her clit, using your tongue and lips to kiss every single drenched inch of her. You feel like you can’t get enough, until you remember. Her birthday gift. 

You slow things down, pulling away a bit until you see the disgruntled look on her face at the disconnect. “No, don’t stop… don’t go..” she begs. Her expression is desperate, and you want nothing more than to feel her lose herself at the mercy of your mouth. So you dive back in, this time with a purpose.

“‘M not goin’ anywhere, baby,” you manage through kneads of your tongue against her. You bring your arm up between the two of you, using your elbow and hand to press her legs apart while your free hand’s two middle digits enter her again. Your tongue never lets up, circling and swirling furiously as her muscles tense. You take that as your cue to work harder, feeling her clenching around your hand already. You pump in and out of her again, making sure your tongue is pointed exactly where she needs it.

“Fuck, Danny baby… yes…” she breathes, and the pet name sends a shockwave straight to your dick, hearing her utter your name followed by a word so personal. You cup your lips over her clit, using a quick and harsh suction motion as you flick your tongue across it.

When she finally lets go, her cries and slurs of curses echo through your room, the most beautiful sound you’re sure you’ve ever heard. Her hands stay tangled in your locks, forcing your face into her as close as you can get. You savor it all, the sight, the sound, the taste… you wonder why you ever denied yourselves this piece of the puzzle after all this time, but then again, maybe saving something this intimate for right now is exactly what was supposed to happen. 

Her body jolts and shakes as she lets the pleasure wrack through her, and you devour every last bit. You crawl up her once she opens her eyes again, her hand freeing from your hair and back down to your face, pulling across your cheeks and mouth as she wipes her wetness from you. Her voice is strained as she finally speaks. “Fuck that was…”

“Fucking delicious,” you finish, pressing your lips to hers again, making her nod into you.

“Yeah, fucking delicious,” she agrees, wrapping her legs around you and using the leverage to pull you onto her. If you weren’t rock hard before, you surely are now after witnessing her falling apart for you like that. You can tell she’s already ready to get things going again, but you stop her, pulling away like you had done before. You stand from the bed, watching that same look of disappointment come across her features. 

“Don’t look at me like that, just wanna give you your birthday gift,” you say, walking around the bed to your nightstand. You grab the cake and place it carefully into your lap, grabbing the lighter again as she comes and sits beside you. 

“I already blew out my candles, Danny,” she says, balancing her chin on your shoulder.

“You did, but I didn’t tell you that these are special candles. Not meant to be blown out,” you explain, flicking the lighter to life and igniting them both.

“Not meant to be blown out? Why–”

“Because they’re really an oil,” you say, putting the lighter down and grabbing the plastic tray under the cake again, holding it up between you. “These are candles specially made for us to let melt and drip onto each other. Not like regular wax, these don’t burn as hot. Once they start to melt a little, they turn into a body oil.”

“Like a massage oil?” she asks, and you nod. 

“Mmhm, see, you can already smell the lavender and bergamot. They had birthday cake scented, but. I thought that might be overkill,” you smirk. Her eyes drift down to the candles with intrigue, and she bites her bottom lip in. “We don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But, I’ve heard good things…”

She picks up one of the candles from the cake, carefully licking the icing off the bottom. She holds her opposite hand out palm down, and lets the melty wax oil drip down onto the back of her hand, a few droplets of dark red liquid dripping down between her fingers. 

“Doesn’t burn at all,” she says, reaching to grab the cake from you to set on the table again. She then takes your hand, letting the wax drip down onto your hand, too. 

The sensation is more of an extremely warm electrical pulse than the burn you’d expect, and it quickly dulls as the oil cools. It doesn’t harden like normal wax, instead it just turns into a thick oil. You take your other finger and rub it across your skin, feeling the softness of the lotion-like liquid sink into your skin. “Wow, no, it feels good,” you agree. 

“Lay back,” you suggest, and she does, handing the candle off to you. 

You question the situation, not knowing exactly where to drip the oil to make her feel the best. You assume maybe her chest and stomach, maybe even down her legs, if she feels up to it. You hold the candle directly above her sternum, raising your eyebrows in final question before you let it drip. 

“Yeah, go ahead,” she says, her hand landing on your knee. 

The red liquid finally falls through the air, a singular drop that lands and splatters across her chest. Her mouth opens just a little, but then her surprise quickly turns into a devious smirk. “Feel good?” you ask. 

“Aha, yeah, actually. It burns pretty bad for a split second but it goes away…shit, do more,” she pleads. 

You go along with her request, drizzling tiny drops between her breasts and down her stomach, nearly completely coating her in the oily liquid. 

“You sure you like it?” you ask as you watch her face repeatedly turn from a surprised grimace into a devilish look of satisfaction. Thankfully, that second look, you’re more than familiar with. 

“Yessss…” she hisses as another drop falls onto her skin. “I feel so…” her mouth lies open as you continue letting the oil drip and pool, the floral scent filling your nostrils.

“So what?” you ask.

Her eyes bore into yours as she bites her lips between her teeth, her hand still gripping hard into your leg muscle. “I like the pain. It’s like… I don’t know how to explain it…” she breathes. “Like a sensation I don’t want to ever end.”

You take your free hand and gently massage it in, taking time to work over her nipples and stomach. “God, that feels so good…” she whispers, her hand now digging into the muscle of your thigh. You place the candle back on the cake, turning to pay special attention to rubbing your hands over her muscles. 

The heady scent of the oils mixed with the residual alcohol still flowing through your system brings a whole new dizziness to the atmosphere, and you feel as though the whole situation is only becoming heavier. You reach over to your phone sitting on the night stand, and flip your music to some psychedelic playlist. The distorted guitar and scratchy bass sounds bring you both to a new plane, and you take the moment to recognize the woman you have your hands on, and how she feels underneath them. 

Her eyes flutter open and closed as your hands drift, massaging the soft oils across the mountains and valleys of her body. “You want me to do you?” she asks, eyes flicking back to the candle. 

You shake your head. “No, shh. It’s your birthday, just relax.”

She smiles a little as she gets comfortable again, moving her body a little closer to yours on the bed. Your hands travel up her shoulders and neck, slowly kneading the tense muscles. Then you move on to her hips and waist, squeezing at the thickness of her. You feel yourself getting turned on all over again just by touching her this way. You watch as her hands drift across the tops of her legs, gripping at her own thighs. The visual is almost too much, watching as her fingertips pull at her skin. You reach to grab the still-lit candle, adjusting your body to sit beside her legs. 

“‘M gonna try your legs, that okay?” you ask.

“Yeah, go ahead…” she mumbles, her eyes still rolling around behind her eyelids. You move between her legs and let the wax drip onto her inner thighs, not really caring if any lands on your comforter. “Ffff…” she hisses, biting onto her bottom lip. Her face contorts from pain to pleasure as the oil cools, and you replace the candle, making your way back to massaging her. 

Your hands nearly cover the entirety of her upper thighs, your fingertips digging into the skin just as hers had done a second ago. You push the oil all around, paying special attention to start at her knees, and slowly work your way up. You have half a mind to lick into her again, seeing it now from this view, but you stop yourself. Your thumbs rub into the creases where her legs meet her heat, and she practically moans out at your touch. 

“You’re being such a fuckin’ tease, Daniel,” she says, her hands cupping her breasts.

“Mmm, I don’t think you understand how hard it is to stop myself right now…” you huff. 

She bites her lips again and shakes her head side to side, obviously feeling the same emotions as you. This doesn’t feel like it normally does, and you feel more anxiety than ever to satisfy her. You watch as she reaches her hands for you, signaling for you to get things going. 

“Don’t stop yourself then,” she stutters, her voice almost shuddering. Her hand grips into your hair again and pulls you up, your hands crawling up either side of her as her nails claw and pull at your back. 

Suddenly your mind finds itself again as you remember to grab protection. You balance your forehead on her sternum, both of you already panting and sweaty as you pull yourself away to reach for your bedside drawer. 

“No, just��it’s fine,” she says, grabbing onto your arm. 

You meet her with a puzzled look, not quite understanding that she’s changing her mind on a whim. This is one part of your agreement that you both have always stuck to. 

“What? I’m—“

“Just…it’s fine. Don’t get it,” she says, giving you a look that could kill. “It’s been six months…right…”

You think it over, rolling the thought over and over in your mind. “You sure?” 

She nods, “Yeah, yeah I’m sure. I’m…we’re good. I promise.”

You feel your heart growing in your chest, feeling a new wave of anxiousness and…something else bubbling up. It’s almost blinding you to even think about what’s about to take place, this already feels so different than before. 

The slick of the oil across your chests make your bodies slide against one another as you line yourself up, both hands on either side of her head. Her hands gently drift across your hips, a devilish smirk sneaking across her lips. 

“Gonna feel you for real for the first time…” she says gently, looking more excited than you’d seen her in ages. 

“Yeah, no pressure,” you answer, pressing yourself through her folds. The sensation alone is making you quake, feeling her against you without a barrier. 

“What, you nervous or something?” She asks, digging her nails into your scalp. 

You clench your jaw, feeling the tip enter her just a little bit. “Kinda.”

“Daniel…shut up. No you’re not.”

“I swear,” you reply, pressing in just a little more. “Different now, like this.” You feel your heart beating from your ribcage. 

Her hands grip behind you, pulling you in towards her, but you hold back. “S’okay, just me… please…” Her legs lift and her ankles cross at your lower back. 

You push forward, telling yourself it’s okay to fill her all the way to the hilt. It’s now or never, and you’ve waited so long for this, wanted her for real for so long. You make sure to watch her face as you bottom out, taking in every single detail that you can. 

HER POV

It’s almost dreamlike…

The dim and comforting glow of the room, the sweet scented oil that’s relaxed your muscles, the dying feeling of excitement from the gift Danny had gotten you…

But mostly, the feeling of his body towering over you and buried as deeply as he can get, finally without the use of protection. 

You’d been wanting Danny for real for longer than you’d like to admit, now, and now that it’s finally happening, it’s almost as if you couldn’t have dreamt it up any better. Of course he feels nervous…you do too. Something in the air has shifted, and it’s not just because you both had finally admitted to wanting more than your predisposed agreement. 

“Fuck, Danny…” you can’t help but yelp in a pitiful high-pitched squeal. Feels just like you always thought, but somehow better. 

Much, much better. 

He begins to pick up a pace after you lock your ankles against him harder, forcing his hips to find a rhythm. “You good?” he asks, almost shyly. 

“Yeah, better than good, shit…”

His left hand grips your jaw with a little force before he brings his lips to yours in a heated mess. His thrusts are working in perfect time, hitting you in just the right spot to tighten the knot deep inside you already. 

“You feel so perfect baby…god, never thought I’d have you like this…” his lips are hot against your skin as he speaks, his teeth nipping at your sensitive spots every few seconds. 

“Leave a mark, baby… gimmie a reminder…” you breathe into his ear, making the light nips on your chest switch into slightly painful lovebites that you’re positive you’ll be able to see turn into bright red marks tomorrow. He growls into your skin as his teeth sink in just enough to make you squirm beneath him.

Though the room is flickering with a tangerine glow, the multicolored vibrance of the light flashing behind your eyes brings a whole new depth to what you’re experiencing, an overwhelming feeling of unwarranted pleasure that is undoubtedly ripping you apart at the seams. He’s all you’ve ever wanted, better than anything you’ve ever felt, and he’s been living under the same roof as your best friend for way too long.

You can tell he’s getting closer by the tumbling of his thrusts, but you swear you never want it to end. The euphoria taking over your mind is making you dizzy. 

Suddenly he slows down a little bit, rolling himself to the bed but keeping himself inside as he plucks you to straddle his lap. Your hands find his pecs as you begin swirling your hips, feeling him at a completely different angle, now. His curls are laid out behind him on the white blankets, and his chest is gleaming from the oils. 

You begin bouncing on him, his hands gripping into the thick muscle of your thighs as you grind on him. His head leans back, his jaw moving between hanging open and clenching tightly. “Y/N, shit…I’m not gonna be…”

You can feel the twist in your stomach, the deep tightening letting you know that you are close, too. You lean down and press a slow and needing kiss to his lips, showing him all the emotion that’s currently coursing through your body in the act. “Me too baby, just do it. Want to feel you…” you stammer through the ravaging feeling of your impending orgasm. You squeeze him hard, sending you both over the edge, tumbling down together in a flustered mess of echoed praises for one another. 

He stays buried inside you for just a few seconds as you both come down, neither of you wanting to be the first to speak when you finally catch your breath. After a minute of silence, you let yourself come out of the cloudy bliss, sliding yourself up and off of him. 

As soon as your body hits the bed beside him, he’s craning over you again, gathering you up into his arms into the most loving embrace you’d felt from him yet. 

“Every six months isn’t gonna work for me anymore, Y/N…” he admits, fully submitting himself with an honest look in his eye. “I just…”

“Me neither, Danny. It’s not enough. Won’t ever be enough,” you admit, taking his face in your hands. And it was true, after experiencing him tonight in the way that you did, there was no way you’d ever be able to wait for him again. There’s too much emotion involved that you’ve both been hiding for too long. Too much still yet to explore. 

“Stay, please? And not just for tonight,” he whispers, his thumb gliding across your cheek. 

You nod. You know there’s nothing on this earth you want more than to wake up every day next to him…the friend who has always been just a little bit more. 

“Okay,” you concede, sliding your body into his. 

“Okay? Yeah?” He asks with an excited lilt. 

“Yes. I’m not going anywhere,” you respond. “Couldn’t leave you if I wanted to...”

The low chuckle that rumbles through his chest and onto your cheek pressed against it feels so longingly familiar that you wonder why you ever thought it wouldn’t work out to begin with. “What took you so long?” he asks, wrapping and squeezing you hard. 

“Could ask you the same…” you laugh into his chest. 

You fall asleep with him that night a different woman than the one you were when you walked into his room, and not just because you’re a year older, now. You’d finally gotten everything you’d ever wanted. 

Danny nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, sleep already lacing his voice. A soft feeling of comfort washes over you as you realize how safe and protected you feel in his arms, and how you aren’t too shy to admit that this feels more right than you could have ever anticipated.

Now you won’t have to wait six months to share your love with him again. You’ll be able to share it with him tomorrow, over coffee in the kitchen.

He presses a sweet kiss to your temple as you let the heaviness of sleep overtake you, already falling into a dazed place of complete contentment.

“Happy birthday, baby.”

.

Taglist:

@wetkleenex-gvf @britney-gvf @gretas-sweat @josh-iamyour-mama @highway-tuna @bestfriendsallstrungout @jjwasneverhere @gretavanbrie @writingcold @thewritingbeforesunrise @myleftsock @edgingthedarkness @its-interesting-van-kleep @jjsooobsessed @ageofcj @starcatcher-jake @capnjaket @cozyjakey @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @stardustjake @dancingcarbon @builtbybrokenbells @gretavangroupie

[goron-king-darunia]

Eggtober 3rd, 2024

"Anxieties and Anger" Fried Egg in Monochrome

(Krita, soft chalk default brush, 10 colors/values of red, 20 minutes.)

Inspired by life kicking my ass recently. A bunch of things didn't go right this year, I got sick for the first time in years, and I've just generally been dealing with being unwell, anxious, busy, and all around not managing well. I'm trying to take better care of my health, but it's difficult to make time and track down help because the earlier part of the year was all insurance nonsense, and now it's trying to pin down doctors that take my insurance. My dentist did make an appointment decision for me, which was actually helpful since I kept putting it off due to other stressors. But I haven't been in for a physical lately and I'm having emergent symptoms along with stuff I've been putting off getting looked at or considered. I am wondering if I should start treating my ADHD again, among many other things.

It's just hard to cope with the realities of adult life sometimes, especially with ADHD, and it's frustrating having to manage so much. Life stops for no-one, and certainly there are people dealing with more than me, some even better than I am dealing with my own problems, but it makes it no less frustrating. I wish it was easier to just ask all my dumb anxious questions and not get billed for things that aren't treatable problems. I don't know how true it will be with my new doctor, but with my old doctor, you could get billed extra for bringing up new things that the appointment was not about which is wild to me. What do you mean it basically has to be a different appointment for all 15 new things I'm worried about even if they're probably nothing?!

It doesn't help much that medicine really is such a new and wiggly field of science. It doesn't feel like it is, because we have so many sophisticated medicines and machines for caring for so many things now. But it wouldn't take doctors decades of study to be good doctors if just anyone could tell the difference between "that perfectly normal mole and a really sneaky melanoma" or "that symptom could just be stress-induced and will go away if you calm down" versus "you are actively dying of a disease that's incurable because you waited 1 day too long" or "you literally have a known vitamin deficiency and this symptom will improve with supplements" versus "this symptom is actually new and while it can happen because of your vitamin deficiency, you're actually having a more serious problem."

Of course I'm one of those idiots that goes to Dr. Google for things and then freaks myself out over nothing. But the fact remains that I don't make time to see my doctor enough. And I should. So I will try to do that moving forward.

Whatever happens, I'm doing my best to make time to enjoy Eggtober. It's one of the few things I do for fun as a little "just because" and it's helping me take my mind off things for a bit.

Hoping to see my new PCP soon and start handling my body and health, and with luck, other things will improve bit by bit. There are other things that can't be solved that easily, but without a healthy body, I'm never gonna tackle everything life has decided to throw at me. Wish me luck!

Tagging @quezify as customary, and also because apparently Tumblr is having a bug where art won't show up in the tags without a transparent bar of pixels in it because Tumblr is a functional website...

[vioartemis]

I love her so much... (part 2 [au])

(Jenna Ortega x fem! reader)

Summary: What if Jenna had followed you that night, and tried to hold you back? Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 2 [au] Warnings: angst (just a little bit I swear) (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

Emma waited until your sobs stopped to take a step back and lead you to her car. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying that much.

"Where are we going...?"

"To my apartment. I'm not letting you alone after this"

"Y/n, wait...!"

Jenna's voice made you freeze just as you were about to get in Emma's car. You turned around slowly, trying to hold back your tears.

"I'm sorry...! I'm so sorry, for everything! I love you more than anything...I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately... work had been overwhelming for everyone, and Percy asked me to help him- I'm not trying to find myself excuses...! I- I should have talked to you about it instead of keeping it all to myself... I'm sorry Y/n..."

She seemed genuinely sorry. You wanted to give ger a second chance, you really did. But the little voice in your head was telling you that she might hurt you again.

Taking your silence as a negative reaction, she started to walk away. Your heart ached at the sight, and you found yourself taking a step forward, almost instinctively.

"Go." Emma told you "Follow her"

You look at your friend and nodded.

"Thank you. For everything" you said with a grateful smile, before running after the brunette

"Jenna!"

She froze, not certain she really heard you call her, and turned around hesitantly, eyes full of hope when you stopped in front of her.

"I... I don't want it to stop... us, I mean"

"Are you.... are you giving me a second chance...? Y-you still love me, even after what I did...?"

"Of course I still love you..." you reassured her "Now let's go home, hm...?"

"Wait I- here..." she started, handing you the box you gave her earlier "I don't deserve it..."

"Jenna-"

"No, Y/n... I- I've been such a bad girlfriend, I don't deserve any gift... But I promise I'll get better, to be worth your love..."

You stayed silent for a second, before nodding and taking the box. Your fingers brushed over hers.

"We can go now" she said quietly

You nodded again, and you both walked back to your shared apartment.

Once you got there, you got ready to go to bed. You had put on your pajamas, and slipped under the covers, soon followed by Jenna. She stayed on her side of the bed, not sure you would want her close.

That caused your lips to curl up slightly, touched by her thoughtfulness, and you moved closer to her, snuggling in her arms. It was the first time in weeks that you really slept together, in each other's arms.

It had been so long that you melted in her embrace. Her arms felt so nice around you, her perfume invading your nostrils felt so right, and so did her whole body pressed against yours.

It didn't take you long to fall asleep, a smile on your face.

At the sight of your sleeping figure, Jenna felt a wave of relief wash over her; she was afraid she'd never get to see you like that again.

"I missed you, I'm sorry..." she whispered, placing a soft kiss on your forehead "I love you..."

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

A few months had passed since that night, and everything was back to normal. Your relationship with Jenna was doing better; she was here - as much as her job allowed her - and she was doing her best to show you how much she loved you, how much she cared for you.

Tonight, you were supposed to have dinner together at 8. It was now 11, and she was still not here. You had texted her, called her, but didn't get any answer.

Your stomach flipped at the thought of things turning out like it did months ago. You couldn't do it again.

You decided to wait for her, determined to talk to her, and when she finally arrived - around 1am - you sat up in your shared bed. You waited for her to enter the room; she seemed surprised to see you were still awake.

"I thought we would spend the night together..." you said "What happened?"

"... Nothing" she replied, shaking her head

"No, it's not nothing. I called you, I texted you... you're doing it again, Jenna..."

The look in your eyes made her realize she fucked up again. Her worst fear was becoming real, again.

"I- it's just..." she sighed "I'm a bit overwhelmed... with work, with the responsibilities, with Percy..."

At the sight of tears forming in her eyes, you took her hand in yours.

"I'm here for you, you can vent if you need to..." you gave her hand a reassuring squeeze

"It's just... there always are unexpected problems at work, we're under a lot of pressure lately, more than usually... and I need to come up with important things for next week, and I still don't have anything... and Percy's always asking me for help for stupid things...! And even if I want to say no, he always manages to convince me, and I don't even notice it! I'm so tired, Y/n..."

You pulled her in for a warm, comforting hug, rubbing her back gently.

"It's gonna be okay... I'm here, I'll do my best to help you with that... You should have talked to me about it..."

"I'm sorry I- I didn't want to bother you with that..."

"You never bother me Jenna, I-"

You got cut off by your girlfriend's phone suddenly buzzing. She gave you an apologetic look as she picked up.

"Hello? ... ... What? No listen Percy, I- ... ..."

She looked up at you, biting her nails nervously. The concern in your eyes, as well as the warmth of your hand on hers, and your love for her gave her the courage she needed.

"No, stop. I'm not available right now. ... ... It's 1 in the morning, Percy. I'm not at your disposal, nor your personal helper. ... ... Find someone else to help you. Bye."

She hung up with a sigh, and when her gaze met yours again, your eyes were full of pride, love, and relief. You were proud she was able to stand up for herself, to stop getting 'controlled' by him. And you didn't miss the opportunity to let her know that.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to do it sooner... I- I'm sorry I almost fucked everything up between us because of that... But I won't make the mistake again. From now on, I'll try not to keep everything for myself. I- I don't want to lose you. I don't see my life without you..."

You felt you heart flutter at her words. Hearing her say that made you so happy... so happy, and so relieved.

The few doubts that had popped in your head earlier had completely disappeared now. You were sure you could trust her not to hurt you anymore.

You reached in your bedside table for the box you had given her on your anniversary and handed it to her again. She gave you a questioning look, visibly confused.

"When you gave it back to me, you said you didn't deserve it. Well, I think you deserve it now" you said gently, as she took the box "I've been wanting to give it to you for a little while, actually..."

Her eyes were shining when she looked at you after opening the box, and she had a big smile on her face.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it! I- it's so beautiful...!" she threw her arms around your neck and pulled you in for a tight hug "Thank you... Thank you so much!" she pulled away to give you a sweet smile "Can you help me putting it on?"

"Of course!"

You carefully took the necklace out of the box and waited for her to turn around, before moving her hair to the side. You were quick to attach the jewelry around her neck, and placed a gentle kiss on her soft skin once you were finished.

"Here you go, my love"

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

Almost a year and a half later, you found yourself in a quite familiar position: crying in Emma's arms.

"It's okay... just- try to breathe, please"

"I- I'm just... I'm so..."

"I know, I know. Everything's gonna be okay"

You pulled away at her words, taking a deep breath and wiping your tears carefully.

"Yeah, you're right... Everything's gonna be perfectly fine"

"That's what I want to hear!"

Suddenly, the door of the room opened, revealing a nervous Hunter.

"What are you doing?" he yelled-whispered "We're waiting for you...!"

"She's ready, don't panic!" Emma replied, before turning to you "Just breathe, and it will be fine, okay?"

You nodded, and she gave you a brief hug, before exiting the room to join the others, leaving you with Hunter.

"Are you ready?" he asked gently, offering you his arm

"Y-yeah, I think..."

You both made your way to the main room and waited behind the door. When the music started, you took a deep breath.

All eyes were on you walking down the aisle, arm hooked under Hunter's. Yours, however, were glued to the gorgeous brunette ahead of you: your soon to be wife, Jenna Ortega.

[Previous part] || [Other ending]

[o2studies]

༻`` 1 June — Saturday 56/60

🧡 academia >> / (planning to study a lot of Russian as I've finished this year of school now)

🧡 physical health >> I walked a good bit today, there was a kind of fun day at a park and so I went there with a friend and it was SO MUCH FUN!

🧡 self care >> Sleeping in that little bit extra this morning

I went with K today on a single ride 6 or 7 times and it was amazing! So so much fun, we were screaming our heads off (it the one in the middle picture) and enjoying the music and the slightly sick feeling of being spun round at 100mph. It also felt really freeing to just scream and really funny whenever I'd say 'wee' in a childish tone whenever we'd start spinning in the seats again. We went to her house afterwards, had food, watched Emperor's New Groove (1 & 2) and had way too much fun texting out friend from each other's phones. It was an amazing start into summer.

More updates about this last week:

My exams went quite well I think. There is a couple I might have to retake next year but we'll see whenever I get the grades (I'm praying to God they're all A's or at least high B's). I'm quite happy with how they went tho and mostly proud of the revision I've done for them (I have really died down the revision in the last week and was so tired—physically and mentally— of it all)

I've been falling into some depression-related habits on this past week, sleeping in way too late and constantly, not taking care of myself, being really tired in the evenings and just wasting away the afternoons on my phone & isolating. I am already better and I know I'm working to keep being better. I'm really proud of myself for how quickly I'm bouncing back from that

I wrote some more in my journal recently and started writing out some goals for this year's summer! I would like to write at least some of them out on a post here soon and properly reflect on the list.

My parents had a conversation with my the other day about how I'm allowed to get a part-time summer job this year! I'm really excited, it would be good for me in many ways plus it'll keep me slightly more busy in these next 3 months which is good

I also got my driving licence!! Woo!!

I'm talking with my friends more often and really bonding with them too. We're getting a lot more comfortable around each other too (and the friendly flirting sessions we sometimes have are just so fun XD). We are going to make a good few plans for meeting up over the summer.

After the last exam I talked to another friend, A, while waiting for our buses and I forget how much I love having them as a friend. It was really nice to hear more about them and how she's been doing and her plans for the summer. I'm hoping to meet them sometime next week after their Birthday.

This might be it for now.. If I can remember anything else major that's happened I'll make another post to add to this.

Good night/morning everyone :)

[haleyhunwritess]

hiiiii!!!!!! i am recovering from anorexia where i had to get hospitialized cuz i wouldnt eat i was wondering if you would be able to write something for me i love your writing so so much i hope you have a amazing day tommorrow or to night or when ever you read this

LOVE YOU SO MUCH=(^.^)=

You're Enough.

a/n: Oh no, love. I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. Please feel free to message me if you want to! It took me a very long time to write this because it hit a little close to home and while I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder, I've noticed for the past two years that I've been starving myself in a very unhealthy way, and my doctor said I show signs of body dysmorphia, so it took me a while to write this and it may not be what you wanted so i'm so sorry but i really tried my best to write this. I really hope that you're doing better now<3

warnings: angsty, implication of an ED, stressed!reader

“I know, baby, I know.” Bucky sighed listening to her cry on the phone.

“M-make it go ‘way…I have so much work left...” She mumbled as she tried to sit up. She quickly laid back down when her stomach started to hurt even more.

“Bubba, I really wish I could.”

“Why can’t you make it better,” She continued to cry loudly, “You always do.”

He could feel his heart breaking as he listened to her cry, beg him for help, “Sweetheart, I would love to help you, I just don’t think I’m close enough to do that right. I wish I was there to take care of you…”

He felt guilty for leaving her. He didn’t have a choice in but it still pained him to listen to her crying because she was in so much pain. If Sam wouldn't have called him for help then he would’ve stayed with her.

She was still in school but she's supposed to graduate next year. She'd been dreaming about going to graduate school to get her masters. But lately, she felt like she was suffocating trying to get good grades. She'd been trying her absolute best but sometimes it felt like it wasn't enough.

Last year, she failed two classes, and almost failed a third one. She couldn't figure out why it happened until she got diagnosed with ADD. Her doctor talked to her about taking medication and getting treatment. She explained neurodiversity, and how late diagnosis like this often affects your grades and work.

During summer, she tried to make up for it all but she got a little obsessive. One time, she nearly went 3 days without eating anything because she was too focused on an essay that was due soon. Her stomach hurt so much on the fourth day, so she tried to eat something but ended up getting sick and throwing it all up. She drank some water and got back to work. She was at her desk for hours until Bucky finally forced her to take a break.

As soon as she got up from her desk, she nearly passed out in his arms. He had to hold her up while her head was spinning. He'd been so worried, so scared. He helped her to her bed before getting her something to drink. She took a few sips before confessing that she hadn't had a thing in days.

She'd been doing much better with his help lately, but every now and then, she struggles to have even one meal a day. She'd always had a complicated relationship with her body and food. But it felt like it had been getting worse lately.

If she was in this much pain before Bucky left, he never would’ve left her alone. But now there’s not much he could do besides try to cheer her up with sweet words of encouragement over the phone.

“Hate being alone like this…hurts so much…” She mumbled, pulling the blanket over her head before bringing her phone back to her ear.

“Bubba how about you get some rest and I’ll try to figure something out so you’ll feel better in no time, yeah? How does that sound, baby, is that okay?” Bucky had a plan that might help her feel a bit better until he comes back.

She mumbled a quick yes before hanging up the phone and slowly falling back asleep.

After a while, she woke up to someone gently stroking her hair. At first she leaned into their touch but then she realized that Bucky wasn’t supposed to be home yet. She quickly pushed the person away and sat up in her bed to see who it was.

“Hey, it’s just me! Don’t panic, sweetheart, Bucky called me and said you weren’t feeling too well?” She relaxed when she realized it was just Steve. She slowly nodded, lying back down and curling in on herself. The pain had only gotten worse.

“Poor baby, it’s alright, everything is going to be okay! I brought you some food and something to drink so you’ll be feeling better in no time.” She quickly shook her head, and covered herself up with the blanket again. The thought of eating anything right now was enough to make her feel sick.

“Bubba…you know you have to eat, love. I know you’re very cozy right now, and I promise we can cuddle soon, but darling you know food is very important too.”

She quietly sniffled at his words, feeling a bit overwhelmed. She knew he was right. She didn’t enjoy feeling this way, she knew how unhealthy this was for her. But her brain wouldn’t allow her to agree so quickly. She just started fidgeting with her thumb instead of answering him.

He gently lifted the blanket up, “Look I brought you a few snacks and some drinks. There’s all kinds of different things, bubba, even some chocolate! We can start small, like something to drink first. Your throat must be pretty sore, bubs.”

She thought about it for a second. It couldn’t hurt to drink something. It would help her feel a bit better. She slowly nodded and got up, her back against the headboard.

Steve smiled at her, and opened up the bag he brought with him. He dumped everything onto her bed, making her eyes widen at the amount of food and drinks he’d gotten for her.

He noticed her reaction and decided to put a few things back in the bag, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. These are for you and I to share, don’t have to finish it all by yourself. Plus I just wanted to make sure I brought you a wide selection of snacks and drinks to choose from.” He knew she had some sensory issues, especially when it came to food. She wasn't exactly picky but some textures just didn't feel right in her mouth and she preferred to steer clear of them.

She nodded and looked down at some of the drinks that were on her bed, along with the snacks. She tried to tell Steve which drink she wanted but her throat was so sore, she couldn’t get the words out. She decided to just point at one of the juice boxes and mumble a ‘please’.

“It’s okay, bubba, you don’t have to talk. I know it hurts. It’ll be okay soon.” He popped the straw into the juice box before handing it over to her, “Alright you get started on that juice box, I’ll find a movie for us to watch.”

He took his laptop out of his bag and turned it on. He quickly turned on one of her favourite movies, then placed the laptop next to her.

“Alright I’m gonna have a snack, bubs, I’m feeling a bit hungry. Would you like to share one?” She shrugged, not sure what to say. He grabbed a sleeve of cookies, before moving over to sit down next to her, “It’s okay if you don’t want to, bubba, you can still have a little bit if you’d like though?”

She watched him open up the package and take out a cookie, offering it to her first. She quickly shook her head and turned her attention over to the movie. He kissed her forehead before taking a bite of the cookie, “Oh bubs, these are really good. Are you sure you don’t want some? I can split this one if you’d like?”

She thought about it for a minute before hesitantly nodding her head. He smiled and split the cookie into two, making sure he didn’t get any crumbs on the bed. He handed her the other half, watching her take small bites, “You're doing great, love. Bucky loves you, you know? I know he can’t wait to come back home and see you.”

She smiled at the thought of Bucky coming home soon, while finishing off the cookie. Her throat felt a bit dry from the cookie, so she took a few sips from the juice box before putting it back down.

She moved closer to Steve, resting her head on top of him. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him, “How are you feeling now, bubs? Stomach still hurts?”

“A little bit…” She mumbled, smiling every now and then at the movie.

“What if I cut up some fruits for you in a little bit? How does that sound? Maybe some strawberries for my sweet girl?” She blushed at that but nodded her head, “Alright then, I’ll get that for you in a bit.”

“T-thank you.”

He smiled, giving her a kiss on her forehead, “Come on, get comfy, love. Everything is gonna be okay.”

[krunktrunk]

It feels like I'm always letting you guys know that I'm late with updates 💔

both of my fics are going to have late updates this time around, I'm making sure to take care of myself so I've been giving myself a short break from writing! hopefully both, or at least one will have an update within a week but do know they will be back just giving myself a breather.

I started writing fics in January of last year and since then I have managed to write/publish 213,195 words, that's in just over a year and a half 😵‍💫 during that time I'm dealing with school, my part time job, and a head injury turned chronic head pain problem-we-dont-know-whats-wrong-🤷.. (ao3's writers curse is real yall)

I love writing fics, and I love getting comments and seeing how you guys react to them, it has been an outlet for me. I started writing and posting to ao3 as a way to push myself to start writing more and actually maybe get better at it, and I've loved the things I've been able to create, and I have ideas for more fics in the future!

cat got your tongue, and dirty shoes, the fics I'm currently writing, are probably my favorite fics I've written in this time, and they will both be ending soon. don't worry, there's still a handful of more chapters, but they are reaching their end, and I'm genuinely proud of what I've created, and I hope you've enjoyed reading, and that you'll continue to read what I create :)

[itsbelvina]

Hey everyone,

It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened, and I haven't been in the best health. I got the flu, had headaches, a cough, and period cramps. But now, I'm feeling much better.

So many things have been going on, and I've noticed I've become colder. I haven't shared much lately because I feel like no one really cares about how I feel. I kind of forgot why I started blogging in the first place, and now I need to find ways to keep myself motivated.

I've changed a lot, and I'm not sure why. I've started avoiding conversations with people around me. When I meet them, I feel really anxious and can't control myself. I start sweating and always think about getting home as soon as possible because I just don't like being around people anymore.

I know that social interactions are important. I know that I need to keep people close to me so I won't feel lonely, but I'm just not into it anymore. I want to stay private.

It's strange because I used to enjoy talking and sharing my thoughts. Now, it feels like a burden. I don't feel like myself, and it's hard to explain. Maybe it's just a phase, or maybe it's something more. I'm not sure.

I'm trying to figure things out, and maybe this is just part of the process. I hope I can find a balance between staying private and still feeling connected to others. Right now, I need to focus on myself and what makes me comfortable.

Thank you to those who have been supportive and understanding. It means a lot, even if I don't always show it. I hope to get back to a place where I can share more openly again. For now, I just need some time.

Take care, and thanks for sticking around.

[sunshinekindof]

I kind of miss you

I felt terrible. It was the middle of the work week, and I had already managed to get sick. My throat was sore and my voice was hoarse and I couldn't stop coughing. My mood was lower than ever. Plus, I haven't seen Timothee in almost a week. We were going to meet with him a few days ago, but he constantly postponed our meeting, referring to the large number of work and working meetings. At first I was understanding about this, but today I was especially sensitive. I felt weak and all I wanted was to wrap myself in a blanket and snuggle up to my boyfriend. I know I acted like a little girl, but I didn't care.

Thank God it was already the end of the day, and I was free. I took the day off tomorrow and called Timothee. What if he's already was free, and we can finally see each other? I was able to get through to him only on the second attempt.

"Hey you" he said. He was in a good mood.

"Hi Tim. Will I see you today? It's been a while and I kind of miss you"

“I have one more meeting but I think it will take about an hour, after which I am all yours, my love”

"Really? Are you sure you can do it?" I asked hopefully.

“Yes, my love, I promise. I'm sorry, I gotta go, see you soon"

Before I could answer, he had already hung up.

Well, now my mood is clearly better. Just an hour, and I will be warm and in the arms of a loved one. From one thought, my mood became better and better.

Before I went home, I went to the pharmacy. While I was buying medicine for myself, my phone rang and the name of the person I needed so much right now was displayed on the phone screen.

"Hey baby, are you free?" I asked and heard there was music playing in the background.

“My love, listen...I'm sorry, but can I see you tomorrow? I'm really sorry, but this meeting is very important and I only need one evening and tomorrow I'm all yours. Promise"

My heart skipped a beat at his words. Seriously? Again?

“Tim, look, I don’t want to distract you, but maybe you can come to my place later? It doesn't matter how late it is. I will wait for you. Everything is fine, but I would not like to be alone today, ”I asked, although I already knew in advance what he would answer me. This has already happened. Timothee was so engrossed in his work that we didn't see each other for about a month.

“No, baby, go to bed, don't wait for me. I will be late. I want you to get enough sleep."

Yes, I thought, of course. He just did not know that I had not slept normally for 2 nights. I didn't want to tell him, but still... So, okay, I told myself, it's time to be a big girl and not be so needy. You can handle everything on your own.

"Yeah ok. I'll see you another time" I said and turned off my phone. I didn't want to listen to what he had to say. I've heard it 1000 times already. I didn't blame Timothee. I knew what I agreed to when we started dating, but still, like a stupid girl, I hoped for a miracle. We all want a miracle sometimes, right?

But we live in the real world, so I took a taxi and drove home. The drive home took me about an hour.

When I entered the apartment, I immediately smelled my favorite food. What? When I entered the kitchen, I saw Timothee cutting vegetables.

" Timothee? What's happening?" Seriously what?

When he heard my voice, he turned around and looked at me with a smile. But as soon as he saw me, the joy in his eyes immediately changed to excitement.

"Oh, baby, how are you feeling yourself?" he asked me.

"I'm...great," I said, but was caught in a lie when I started coughing loudly.

"Yeah, I see," Timothee said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Timothee, what are you doing here? You said that…" 

“I know what I said and I'm sorry about that,” he interrupted me, “I was in a meeting, but your voice seemed strange to me, so when you hung up, I started calling you again, but your phone was unavailable. Then I called you at work, in case you were still there and I could pick you up, but you weren't there anymore. Your colleague answered my call and said that you had already left and that you had been feeling unwell all day. That's why I left early to take care of my girl."

I didn't want to cry, but my eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Tim, you shouldn’t..."

“Of course you should. I'm sorry baby" he said and hugged me, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"God, you're hot" Timothy said and looked at me

"Thank you?" I smiled

“I'm serious, you have a fever. How long have you been feeling unwell?” he asked seriously

I lowered my eyes to the floor and replied, "Well ... since yesterday .."

"And you went to work?"

“I couldn’t leave, I have deadlines”

“And you didn’t tell me that you feel bad,” he began to scold me

"I didn't want you to worry"

“But what about the talk that we are partners and …” he continued, but when a tear rolled down my cheek, he immediately fell silent. God, I've become so sensitive that it's annoying

"I'm sorry"

“No, forgive me. I love you. Will you let me take care of you" he asked gently and pressed his lips to mine for a moment, but I immediately recoiled

"Don't kiss me, you'll get sick"

"Try to stop me and see what happens" he said and pressed his lips against mine again. I missed him so much that this time I did not resist. As he backed away from me, I whispered, “Thank you. I missed you"

“And I missed you. So much. Now go wash your hands, dinner is almost ready" said Timothee and turned me towards the bathroom.

"Yes sir" I said with a smile. My recovery will definitely be quick.

[blogger-yura]

Entry #51 Oct 04th '23

#YurasLife #WholesomeWednesday #SelfCare

𝐖𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 - 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞

Hello, hello! Yura's back today with a new post~. And who'd have thought? It's a wholesome Wednesday!

It's been a second since my last of these, hasn't it? Well, it's been a second since my last of anything! I am around, just doing a lot more in real life than online. It's getting difficult to balance some of the things going on, work, life, love. But, I'm not complaining! It is what I chose for myself.

What I love, really.

I thought it was a good time for one of these, especially with everything going on in my life, I like sitting back sometimes and reminiscing, analyzing, and realizing how far I've come. Sometimes, I forget to actually appreciate my efforts because I wouldn't be where I am without myself, really.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐟

𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞

𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡

My thoughts tie onto today's quote, "The deepest for of self-care is building a life you're in love with", because what's the point of living a life you hate and can't handle?

I'm not saying it's easy, or it happens overnight, but working on ourselves and working on building a life we love... Shouldn't it always be the goal? I spent a while working on surviving. Day to day, paycheck to paycheck, foreseeing the next setback, preparing for the worst. And it was awful. You end up dreading, expecting the worst for the future.

One of my greatest acts of love to myself was to stop working towards survival and start building the life I want. So I can love it, enjoy it, and grow from it. The thing about staying in a place that's hurtful and negative for the soul is that you get familiar with the feeling of losing yourself, and then it's too late to find us again when we realize we're not the person we once were, or we hoped to be.

It wasn't easy. It took a lot of hits and falls to stand where I am, but unlike when I was just surviving... Standing back up made me stronger, not weaker. I believe it takes a lot of bravery, courage, and a good support system to just turn your life upside down. But it's also about selfishness, wanting better for oneself. Being selfish isn't always bad. That much I've learned.

So tell me, or think to yourself, do you love the life you lead? Are you working on something that'll make you great? Or are you surviving.

The first step before growth can happen is always recognizing our weaknesses. Can't figure out something we don't know, can we?

Ah, I'm a little soft again! Aren't I? Haha! It's the season! Fall is all about giving room to new beginnings, did you know? So maybe, if you want, do give it a try. Try and make this fall bring something new for yourself and your future. It might seem a little scary in the beginning, but there's never a loss in wanting better.

I'll go now, because besides new beginnings, October also brings... HALLOWEEN! Spooky season is here, and I can't wait to share all the exciting things I have prepared this year for it!

Will I see you around to celebrate? Haha! Stick around! You won't want to miss out ♡

All the love, my sweet angels! I'll be back soon~ Don't miss me too much! -Yura ♡

💗: @clubwnderland [💙] @jinju-oc @moonlightchn @kimheebby @nana-n-nono @coffeexdreamcb @silcntxnight @livealittleoc-cb @minsour-r @multi-esme @urtwice @san-cb @reve-rv @domrachaa @oppositesattraxt @lunaaofthemoon @badbf-cb @domxbot @the-hellhounds @monsterhigh-cb @theinvitation-bot @hwangroyaltycb @welcometosector1 @multi-joong @vanilladaises-rp @redlight-cb @theonesxcb @hybridsheltercb @beaconhillsxbot @yandereyeri @fallenangels-cb @shin-haneul

[artbyaleksandr]

🐶🐱Gallavich🐶🐱 💚💙Intropost🧡🖤

HI  ~  MY 🐶🐱Gallavich🐶🐱💚💙Intropost🧡🖤 

  💗 from @callivich thank you 💗

I'm not good at English I use translate most of the time 🥺 I've been in this fandom for almost a year now. But I'm a shy person  😳 💦  and a foreigner  💦 I follow a lot of fics. (I read it every day for almost a year) I follow many Writer. I hope to get to know more people in the fandom  🌟

Name: (can be a nickname)

Aleksandr /  AA

Age: 

20 + 

What made you fall in love with Gallavich?

I really like the Ian S1  That's probably the whole reason lol I saw a video of Ian dancing in TikTok. At first, I didn't care. But it shows up in my feed a lot. Until I continued to study the character of Ian, so I knew Shameless and was a gallavich stan ever since. (I quite believe Ian is definitely a character that I will fall in love with because of his character. I'm really looking for something new and interesting and yes I quite like the TOP HOT character and the warm hair color and I like the Power Bottom pair.  I bet against myself. What if I went to study Ian's character and I found out that he was top I would follow and yes I guessed everything right lol )

How long have you been a fan?

Late 2022

Favourite Gallavich moment/scene?

I love the S1 moment, the scene where Ian visits Mickey. I fell in love with the Smile scene to this day.  😊

Favourite Shameless character apart from Ian and Mickey?

I like Lip, he's my favorite character. I like smart characters. I like him 3rd in the show and I hope he gets better with every EP and disappointed in the latter ss)

Do you write or draw or make edits? Feel free to link to your work!

I drew, you can follow me here.  In the future there may be 18+ images/CMS/open of requests.

 / Tw :  @ARTbyAleksandr / IG : art_aleksandr_aa

Favourite type of Gallavich fics? Are you into angsty canon type fics or maybe fluffy one shots, perhaps you like dramatic canon divergent stories or interesting AUs - share what tropes/genres you like!

Since I've been following I've read a lot of Gallavich fics, really a lot.

I like Alpha/Omega /AU royalty / Mpreg👼 /Wolf Vampire🐺🧛/Hybrid🐶🐱

/fantasy🧚‍♂️🧝‍♂️/jealous Ian

I hope someday someone will write a girl! Mickey, not Tran, 

I need a fic F/M 🥺💦

Favourite Gallavich quote?

" Likin' what I like don't make me a bitch. "

"I Can Take Care Of Him, OK? Let Me Take Care Of Him Until He's Better."

I love you, Mickey Milkovich. More than anything.

Anything else you’d like to share about yourself?

Hello, I love the character Ian BUT  Mickey is always the best character.  I'm a foreigner. Almost all of my language and reading depend on translate. My language is very weird I like talking But I'm pretty shy for for starting a conversation I hope to have more friends in fandom. I'm cute. I can love you as soon as you talk to me.  (I came from a fandom about Japan before.idk much about European culture. Most of my drawings are Japanese style. I like the type of dog/cat. 🐶🐱I hope I can practice drawing 18+gallavich and be able to post.

[crushingcasanova]

Hi there :) I’m so sorry for my late response , things have been pretty freakin hectic .. i am here now , don’t worry :)

listening to you talk about theatre is so … mesmerizing. i love listening to people in general but .. its just so fun listening to you talking about that knowing how deeply you care about it. how its part of your life. im just sorta enamored（≧∇≦）

i agree , i absolutely adore fine arts. i just can’t get into anything else. its so awesome that you make jewelry!! ive been trying to get fully into it , but i cant seem to find the exact beads i need. but trust when i do .. its gonna be awesome. i do a lot of arts and crafts , and I really adore coloring. ive tried drawing but .. im so terrible , and i just hate being bad at things.

i definitely would say that i love people’s flaws .. usually those things are my favorite things about them ^^ but at the same time , i tend to get myself into bad relationships , then stay because “i can fix it! we will be fine and in love because ill help them!!” i bet you can guess how that turns out .. </3 i also agree that in most situations .. i don’t like to reach out , even if in my heart I do want to. i get nervous , and at times feel like if I didn’t reach out , no one would talk to me .. so i self isolate. im glad that im welcome here .. even if im kinda jsut like , a random person that doesn’t matter and is just yapping … </3

ughhh repurposing is so nice and so fun .. it makes you feel like you’re worth something , yk , giving an old piece a new home. its so rewarding. thrifting and antiquing is always rewarding , because almost every time i go , i find something. i almost never leave one of those stores empty handed .. (im also a shopaholic so ..) but its awesome that you do resin work !! is that calming ??

thank you so much for your kind words , i did get a good amount of sleep last night <333333 i have a few questions :)

what’s your fashion sense?

do you have any pets?

that’s it. thank you so much for letting me be here , hun !!

-🎭

Hello Cheshire <3 I quite missed you, so I was really happy to see you in my inbox again! I hope you've been well, dearie :) I know you mentioned it was hectic, so I hope you get a moment to relax!

I'm very honored that you like to hear me talk about theater! It's one of my biggest passions, honestly, because I adore being on the stage. I'd love to hear some of your favorite musical takes too, if you ever would like to share. I've always been into deep analysis, and I've done a lot for the Phantom and the Great Gatsby in particular :) I was lucky enough to see these before they closed, too, so I like to comment on the staging and the acting from the amazing actors who played my favorites. It also is a big inspiration for a lot of my writing, like this Great Gatsby one I did a while back about the beauty of Gatsby's obsession :) I hope you get those beads soon! I just started working with beaded jewelry a while back, and I make these kind of big pieces for some of my friends. I gifted my beloved a set inspired by them a while back and mailed it to them, and I'm planning to make some for my friends this year. I am sure you're not as bad at drawing as you say, but I think I completely understand the thought behind it. That's why I'm not really a fan of math, since I can never get better at it ... but I'm trying :) coloring is fun too, though! I completely understand self isolation, I used to be like that but I've changed a lot :) my beloved really stressed the importance of communication and taught me how to be more vulnerable and open up, but it's been an uphill battle. I don't think you're a random person who doesn't matter, dear! You bring a smile to my face with your messages, and it means a lot to know you care enough to talk to me too :) I agree with repurposing things :D It is lovely to give them their own home, I agree. It's kind of cute that you think of it like that :) I also am a bit of a shopaholic too, but I'm quite picky, so I usually leave empty handed. My resin work is quite fun! I would say it's a bit relaxing, but only at certain points in the process. The designing and the unmolding is fun, but not the pouring, because it starts to solidify quickly. You have to work quickly and then let it cure overnight if it's not UV resin. It can get a bit stressful As for your questions:

My fashion style is very cutesy, I'd say! A lot of skirts and sweaters, I usually don't wear jeans or other forms of pants very much to be honest. I wear a lot of pinks, blacks, purples, etc. I also am a big jewelry wearer, so I have a lot of that, and I usually am kind of maximalist when it comes to outfits. I also always have cute matching purses when possible :) I used to be a bit more like, hot topic emo style when I was younger, and I still shop there, but definitely less. I also wear a lot of dresses! I'm very hyperfeminine, I'd say, at least fashion wise. I think there are some pics somewhere on this blog, that I did for a follower special, or maybe some in love letter? Not sure! How do you like to dress?

I also do have a pet! I have a little black dog named stella :) she's a little cute miniature schnauzer mix! Do you have any pets, dear?

I hope this finds you well! I was so excited to answer this, sorry it took me a minute! Definitely took me a while to yap ^^;

[thornsent]

The internet kind of just sucks when you're autistic and traumatized...

I take these sorts of things kind of weirdly hard. I don't consider mutuals My Bestest Closest Friends or anything but I do often consider em' friends, especially if I recall sharing words with you. and if I can disagree with someone and still have a conversation it makes me quite happy and feel very safe, I feel like I'm learning something useful even if my mind isn't changed. I'd gotten used to being able to safely disagree on people's posts I suppose?

I really try more n more when I disagree with people to be charitable and meet them where they're at because from their point they probably have good reason to feel those things. I think often too when I disagree, I want to share my opinion because sometimes it seems like the person who disagrees is hurting themselves and I don't think they ought to-

if you think there's not a lot of trans people but you're trans, for instance, that makes me sad and I disagree, bc scientifically and logically we're really common and you are not that alone, and as things get better there'll be more and more of us feeling safe to come out and exist.

it seems like a lonely and isolating opinion to have and I'm trying to reach a hand out and say hey, I recognize that but it's not the case! so when I get snapped at for, what from my perspective is trying to reach out to someone and either make them feel better about life or understand their circumstances better, it really stings.

it uh, is triggering, I think. It reminds me of a very frightening person I once dated who would get genuinely irate with me because I tried to comfort him when he was depressed, and then would try and drag me down with him.

I'm mentally and physically disabled, like literally I have a support team n' people who come help me do my chores and take care of myself, and I'm queer in a small red town. I'm an hour away from all my friends minimum and I don't have family aside from my partner. this is, to say, that I'm really lonely and feel quite isolated, even as I try to exist within my community and meet folks in real life. it's not easy.

so a lot, a lot of my interaction since I've moved here has been online. my blog has largely been running on queue and I only check a few times a day typically, but I do really really like interacting with my mutuals. not everyone gets a lot of in-person social interaction, you know? not everyone is so lucky :(

and so when these sorts of things happen, and are this bad and this (mutually) triggering, it just.... really takes the wind out of me and makes me want to cry! it is a rehash of traumas that have occurred repeatedly throughout my life that are at their root because I am traumatized and autistic and I make social mistakes subsequently

and to be further vulnerable adding atop that having ocd (which has been flaring up for me really bad lately, I think due to the seasonal change making all my symptoms Worse--) and also recently having a falling out with my closest friend bc they did some really cruel stuff irl I think made this just Really Get To Me in a way it wouldn't otherwise have.

I am starting ketamine infusion therapy soon enough, so I'm really hoping it'll help with that. Or I'll k-hole. We'll see. I've been burnt out and had little energy lately which means I spend more time on the internet, hopefully infusion therapy will help and I can at least get back to art, if nothing else. Social media has been making me really sad with humanity lately.

[olsenmyolsen]

Olsen II

Part 16 of On The Inside With Elizabeth Olsen

Word Count: ~6.5K

masterlist

 ⚠️ SPOILERS FOR MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS ⚠️

Y/N POV

I grumble myself awake and shut off my 5am alarm.

I haven't woken up this early in years but today, Monday, is special. It's Liz's last week in London! So I wanted to send her a special text this morning.

Yes, it's now been three weeks since Liz and I made our relationship official! Yes, I know we immediately became girlfriends after saying we'd take things slow. Oh well.

The only people that know are Max, James, Sam, Robbie, Ash, and MK. I probably would've told my mom by now if our relationship had been in a better place.

Less than a week ago, I finally called her back after dodging her calls, and the call went exactly how I predicted.

It started with the usual catching up on life kind of bullshit, and that was great before it devolved into a series of "why aren't you going back to school?" "Do you honestly think you can be happy and successful without a degree?" "You're way too pretty and smart. I'd hate to see you waste the opportunities I gave you." Then, money this and money that.

So it's a safe bet I won't be making calls home soon. Don't get me wrong. I love my mom. I do! But it's just... I wish we had the relationship we used to have. Yes, she did a great job as a mom throughout my life but after what my dad did to the two of us... you know it's not the same as it was.

Anyways, the rest of the world has yet to know about Liz and I, of course, but that hasn't changed anything. The media has slowed down on the articles about MK and her secret lover. I keep getting photographed but less and less. Not that it was a lot, to begin with, but I'm thankful not to have random people take pictures of me.

I know this will change once Liz and I are out. But for now, I'm enjoying it.

Liz and I have been FaceTiming or attempting to FaceTime every night after 5pm my time. We tried 4pm for a while, but that left me virtually no time to get home after work. We still have some days where Liz can't call, but we still text!

Our calls tend to mostly be about my days, my friends, plans for what to do when Liz gets back, and more. I ask Liz about her day, but she doesn't spill much. Nothing cagey, just in a same old same old kind of way.

She gives me the vaguest details about the movie. A part of me wants to know what's going to happen in the film so bad, but Liz tells me it'll spoil the MCU, and she's right because, of course, she's right. Plus, she warns me that Kevin Feige has eyes and ears everywhere. You would think this guy is a mob boss or something.

We also talk about her sisters. Liz has started trying to talk to them on a weekly basis, although, accordingly to Liz, MK has been more MIA lately.

I know why.

A couple of days after MK left my place, I told Liz how MK got Naomi to sign the papers. To say Liz was displeased would be an understatement.

I don't know how I did it, but I got Liz not to hulk out at her sister and to let me handle the situation. But the truth behind that is... MK technically hasn't spoken to me since that day.

That's not to say I haven't tried. I texted MK the night she left.

I told her that I've grown fond of the person she is. She's caring, kind, and nothing but supportive. I apologized for getting mad at her. I told her that I support her and genuinely want what is best for her. I let her know that I will be here for her no matter what because I know she will be here for me.

Or at least, I hope.

I also texted her that I love her as well. I love the person she is.

That does not mean I love her as more than a friend.

She read all those texts but hasn't responded to me personally. She texts in the group chat with Ash and myself, but it's never directly to me.

Since returning to LA, Ash has seemed to notice that something is off. We've briefly talked a couple of times, but I can't bring myself to tell anyone the true reason. I feel like Ash knows but is letting it be.

In other news, James, Max's brother, finally left after another week of mooching off his sister. Just kidding but for real, he up and left for California. I know Max has some family out there, but I'm not sure if James went to them or not. But for the next two days after he landed, every single picture he posted included #JamesGoesWest.

I knew he was teasing because of Liz's and mines relationship. Speaking more on that! I went back and finished Wind River. I legit had to skip through that one scene. But overall, I loved the movie! Men are gross, and Liz played her role perfectly. The chemistry she had with Jeremy Renner was incredible. I'd like to see them do more together.

But if we're talking natural chemistry, all I can say is... I never wanted to be Aubrey Plaza more in my life than during the press tour of Ingrid Goes West. Yes, I've seen the YouTube videos, interviews, and photo shoots. I now know I was never Liz's "first." I mean, yes, I knew that already from the night Liz and I had at her place, but now I'm full-on convinced her and Aubrey were more than friends at some point.

Liz knows I watched those two movie and will be watching all of her MCU movies, but she's begged me not to watch a film she did called Oldboy. I looked up the synopsis, and it seems interesting, but Liz is adamant about me not seeing it.

Speaking of the MCU and their movies, this week is finally Avengers week! Out of everything I watched, Captain America and Iron Man 2 are my favorites. Captain America because I loved the story and Bucky so much. And Iron Man 2 for... Natasha. I'm sorry, but I never wanted to be a heavy-set white man more than when she took down Happy.

Lizard knows of my newfound obsession with Scarlett Johansson, and let's just say we starting banning a few words. The first time I mentioned how sexy I thought Natasha looked, I could instantly tell something had shifted. Liz didn't say anything at first. She just sat quietly on the other side of the phone, watching me like I was her prey. She had her jaw clenched so tight I thought teeth were going to break, and then out of the blue, Liz was tired and had to get to bed.

The call ended shortly after that leaving me confused until my dumb brain realized why. I called her back and made it up to her in a memorable way.

A few words that aren't banned are "Mommy." "Yes." & "Please." Liz and I have done a fantastic job trading those off.

Sam is good! Max and I have gone out with her and her friends a couple of times, nothing too crazy, thankfully. Max and I have also started exercising together again. Not daily, but we've been trying for three times a week. It's usually before work, but other times it's once Liz and I finish FaceTiming.

Work is still good. Alec is good. All in all, everything is going well. Liz wraps filming this Friday, so I can't wait to have her in my arms!

Speaking of which, I have to text her.

Liz POV

It's now been three weeks since Y/N and I made our relationship official! Yes, I know we immediately became girlfriends after saying we'd take things slow. Oh well.

I love Y/N so fucking much, but FaceTiming every night gets tiring. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing her cute freckled face, but there are times when I'm just so exhausted from shooting that I can't bring myself to answer a FaceTime call. But luckily for me, I have an understanding and supportive girlfriend.

Girlfriend. That's a word I don't think I will get tired of saying.

Speaking on that, I told my girlfriend that filming wraps on Friday. It doesn't. It wraps today. I plan on flying out first thing tomorrow morning to surprise her! Max already knows and plans on picking me up from the airport. I got her number from MK. I know, ooh, sneaky, but it's the things you do for love.

I'm incredibly excited to see how the world reacts to this movie. I acted my heart out, and I know when I walk on set today, I'm going to cry. I've always finished these movies not knowing what was next for Wanda, but when Sam yells "cut" for the final time, I know it will feel like the last time.

I've been talking to my sisters about the motions I've been going through, and Ash has been kind enough to try and speak to me about it. Meanwhile, MK can barely get a sentence together. I'm not mad at her for what she did with Naomi. I mean, yes, I was. But not anymore, so I don't know why she's being weird about us.

In addition to my sisters, I have also been texting someone else. Someone that knows about Y/N. But someone that Y/N doesn't know about herself.

Wanda's other half. Actor for the Vision. Mr. Paul Bettany.

I missed him. I missed being on set with him. I missed hearing him laugh at the stupid things I'd say. I missed hearing him talk about his wife non-stop. He's truly a lifelong friend that I'm so thankful to have met at such a crucial moment in my life.

That's a feeling that I have for Y/N. She came to me at just the right moment. I know that I won't let her go.

Over the course of filming, Paul and I would send check-in texts here and there, but our conversations didn't become something quite serious until the articles about me leaving the Doctor Strange set came out. That's when Paul said he knew something was wrong. Since I'm never one to "create drama" or "be a total bitch."

Paul texted me that Easter Sunday. A day before, I met Y/N. Paul was actually the first one to know the news about Robbie and I. He loves Robbie, so for him to hear everything broke him a little, but Paul helped me as much as he could. Or as much as I was willing to let him. He promised that everything we discussed would stay between us because we all know. Snitches end up in ditches!

Paul was also the one to tell me to get my shit together and to send coffee and treats to the NY Marvel team if I wanted to keep people happy.

I guess I have Paul to thank for Y/N. Oh God, I can't let that get to his head.

Speaking of Paul and Vision. My Coffee Girl has been continuing her journey of watching the MCU. I think tonight is Avengers night. I think she has some hope I'm going to show up in this one, but sadly I don't. I'm sure Y/N won't really mind since she has Scarlett and her Black Widow ass to look at all movie.

I know that's not nice and unfair to Scarlett, but I don't like Y/N having her eyes on someone else.

I made that very clear the other night.

Over the last couple of weeks, in addition to filming, FaceTiming, and keeping me and my girlfriend satisfied, I started emptying out the Richmond house. Like I did with my trailer, I started small but quickly moved on to bigger things.

I sent Robbie back a lot of the things he left behind. I donated some of my stuff but kept the tiniest of things that remind me of the good times I had while here. After today the house will no longer be ours. That is if I actually did remember to grab everything?

Uh, speaking of Robbie. He's doing so well, and I'm so proud of him. He's been doing AA meetings once a week. Every week I send him a text just letting him know that he's in my thoughts, and I wish him luck. He sends me a text back, basically saying the same thing.

Thankfully the media isn't dragging Robbie through the mud just because he's trying to better his life. I think back to how they treated my sisters, and it makes me sick. If I could have the opposite for Robbie, I'll do it.

Robbie doesn't ask about Y/N; instead, he asks me, "are you happy?" The answer has always been "yes." Robbie's response is always the same "then I'm happy."

I got lucky with an ex like him, huh?

It's almost 10am, and I finally have the finishing touches to my look for today's scene. 838 Wanda comforting Darkhold Scarlet Witch. How fitting that my last day is me letting myself know that it's going to be okay. That our boys will be okay.

Oh, I'm getting depressed just thinking about it.

"Lizzie, you ready?" A member of the makeup team looks me over and waits for my response. I nod and go to get up before my phone stops me. I take a quick glance. Is that really who I think it is?

"Just give me a minute." I turn to the crew they nod, heading out of my trailer.

Y/N POV

Annnnddd sent! I smile down at my phone. The text wasn't anything too crazy special. Let's not forget I just woke up.

The text was just myself reminding Liz that I'm lucky to have her. That I'm so thankful to have someone caring and loving chose me to be the person that they love. That someone with her wits and beauty makes me smile and feel the support that I feel. And I can't wait to be able to hold her and to kiss that gorgeous face. To be able to physically look into her eyes. The eyes that make me smile. The eyes that make me feel safe. The eyes that are the literal definition of: If looks could kill.

I could've gone on and on with my text, but I have to save something for when she's here at the end of the week. I close my phone out, knowing she'll probably read it when she gets back from filming, meaning I can go back to sleep before getting up for my shift later today.

I turn over and close my eyes. Letting tiredness take me over once ag-

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

I peek one of my eyes open as I grab my phone. It can't be Liz. She should be- Oh! It is Liz! She's calling me! I clear my throat and answer the phone.

"Hello?"

Liz POV

"Just who do you think you are, Ms. Y/N Y/L/N! Sending a cute ass text like that. You're supposed to be sleeping!"

Y/N: "You're supposed to be filming!"

She fires back in that voice that's just so sexy in the early morning.

"I was about to step out of my trailer when my girlfriend decided to send me the most simp-filled text ever."

I can practically hear her eyes rolling.

"Why aren't you asleep right now."

Y: "I set an alarm to text you. Since I know it's your last week of filming, I just wanted to try and make it extra special for you."

My heart.

I move around the trailer like a teenager on the phone with their first crush.

Y: "I mean, if you don't like it-"

"Stop! You know I love it!" There's a pause. "Are you going to do this for every film I do?" Y/N's laugh fills my ears.

Y: "Hell yeah. I'd give you the world if I could."

"You already did that."

I hear Y/N yawn before asking, "what do you mean?"

"Because you're my world!"

Y/N POV

This fucking cheese ball, I swear. I roll my eyes again.

"I think I hear Mr. Raimi calling you to set Olsen. I wouldn't want to get in trouble or anything."

Liz lets out a small laugh.

Liz: "Oh, weird, I don't hear him?"

Y: "Hmm, that's so weird. What's happening? Hearing loss at your age already, Liz?"

I know her jaw dropped.

L: "Okay, wow fuck you, Y/L/N."

"You wish, Liz!"

L: "You know wh- one sec."

I hear Liz pulls her phone away from her ear as a series of knocks are happening nearby her. They must need her on set.

I don't know who she's talking to, but she assures them she'll be right out.

L: "Hey babe, I gotta go."

"I figured. Have a great day today! Can I call you on my break? Oh, and I can't wait to see you at the end of this week!"

L: "Of course, and I can't either!" I can practically picture her biting her thumbnail as she says this: "I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Lizard! Now go be a movie star!"

Liz giggles as she ends the call. Leaving me awake, alone, and horny?

No? Yes? I don't know.

I flip over onto my stomach and groan into my pillow. I really don't want to be up already. After a minute of feeling my body wake up, I decide to fuck it.

I throw my comforter off my body and go into my bathroom. I flick on the light and look at myself in the mirror. I think about when I did this not so long ago. I stared at myself before my date with Liz. It was the first time I looked at my own face with love instead of disgust. I do the same thing now. I smile at the person looking back at me.

I reach down and pull my toothbrush from its holder. Put a small glob of toothpaste, rinse and get to the brushing. Morning breath is one of my least favorite things. Or at least it quickly has been. Okay, I don't want breath to ever smell in the presence of Liz, okay? I'd die.

After my morning routine, I slip off my underwear and oversized t-shirt in favor of a classic workout outfit. Nothing crazy this morning, just a morning jog. It's now approaching 5:30, so it should still be quiet outside.

I reach my front door and drop down to tie on my old sneakers. They're a pair that I've had for years. I don't even remember how I got them or who gave them to me, but they probably know more about me than I do about myself.

Okay, now I sound crazy—time to run. I put my AirPods in, queue up whatever playlist Spotify curated for me and leave my place.

Liz POV

I did it! "That's a wrap on Elizabeth Olsen!" Sam Raimi yells into a bullhorn earning applause from the cast and crew that surround us.

I clap along, stopping whenever I feel a tear start to escape my eyes. Cumberbatch wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a side hug before whispering into the top of my head, earning a smile and a laugh from me.

Sam walks up to me, and I instantly find myself wrapped up into a hug. I almost feel my eyes betray me, but I stop the dam from breaking. Sam leans into me and asks, "do you want to say a few words?"

This is something I haven't really ever done. Usually, I'm in such a considerable ensemble of a movie that who cares what the 9th billed person has to say, but this is my movie. So why not?

I nod at Sam and grab the bullhorn.

"First off, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone here. All of you truly have made this experience so beautiful and lovely." I bite my lower lip before continuing.

"When we were about to go back to finishing WandaVision, I was pitched the actual story of the Doctor Strange sequel, and I was shocked!" I throw my arms out in a charismatic manner. "No one told me that their plan for me was to be the villain!" This earns a few laughs from the crew and myself. "You know? But it's like yeah! Why does Wanda have to settle for being good when all that she wants is something that seems so small and simple, which is for her to be with her kids."

I look over at Sam, smiling. He's a real Wanda stan this man. He and I had so much fun bouncing ideas off one another and relishing in the character of Wanda.

"But you know I love Wanda Maximoff, and I feel honored to have played her for the last 7 to 8 years and to collaborate with such kind and caring people. I truly do." I feel a tear slip out and run down my cheek. "And if this is the end for her, then I'm glad that... that I gave it my all." I want to say more, but I can feel my throat choking back tears. Plus, when I look up, it's all of these people watching me. "So thank you. Thank you all!" I frown to hold back my emotions as Sam wraps me into another hug. He gently takes the bullhorn from me and announces, "give it up for our witch, everybody!" Earning another wave of claps.

Y/N POV

It's now just past 9am for me as I enter our coffee shop. Busy. It's finally starting to heat up around here, which means it's time for all the cool kids and soccer moms to start ordering frozen drinks. My least favorite. It's not hard to make. It's just annoying.

I smile once I see the two people I'm going to work with. Sam and Alec. Sam greets me as I put my stuff into the back. "I promise you it was not this busy until like 20 minutes ago." I shrug. "Happens." Sam noticed. "You good?" We make our way back to the front employee area so I can clock in. "Yeah, just tired. I woke up super early and decided to get a run in." "Ew." "Trust me, I know." I scoot past Alec and clock in. I say hi to him, but he awkwardly avoids me. Okay weird.

"Excuse me?" A customer knocks me from my own brain. Male. He has to be in his late thirties with tattoos down his arms. "Hello, sir. What can we get started for you?" The man looks at the boards stationed above and behind me. "What kind of frozen drinks do you have?" Yep, it's going to be a long day. I must've made a face because I can hear Sam laugh in my direction.

Liz POV

I sigh after getting my suitcase settled into my hotel room for the night. After leaving the sound stages today, I made my way to Richmond to do one last look-over of the house. Go figure; nothing was left for me to take or do. So mark another one for overthinking and having anxiety. But eh, oh well.

It's now just after 6pm for me. If she hasn't had her break, my Coffee Girl will have one soon - speak of the Devil! As if it's her superpower, she is now FaceTiming me.

I throw my back onto the bed and answer my phone.

She's walking to the back room of the shop. She sits in the same place every time we talk on her break. I think it's adorable. I think she's really cute. And by cute, I mean hot.

Okay, dial it back, Lizzie.

She has the camera below her right now, so I'm looking up to her neck. It looks like she has a coffee ground stained onto her neck. How she did that, I have no idea. I smile as I look at it. Imagine how long it's been there. My eyes move down her throat, and I stop at every tiny freckle and mole I see.

"Whatcha doing, love?" Oh shit, just because I can't see her doesn't mean she can't see me.

"Looking at my love!" "Oh yeah?" She moves the camera up, so I can see her beautiful face as she sits down. My girlfriend smiles back at me before her face becomes horrified. "Oh my God!" The alarms in my brain start going off. "What? What's wrong!" She begins wiping at her neck. "Why did you not tell me that was there!" Oh my gosh. Really Y/N? "I just saw that! Besides, I thought it was cute." I flare my eyebrows up, causing her to do it back.

"So, how was today?" She starts. The gears start moving. I really want to tell Y/N all about the end of the shoot, but that'll ruin my surprise. Okay, quick, Liz think.

"It was good! Really good! But I'm not giving you anything, and you know this!" She rolls her eyes. "I know. I just can't wait."

"Isn't Avengers tonight?" I ask, slightly changing the topic. "Tomorrow night. Max is busy tonight. I think it's with Flirty, but I'm not sure. She's been being a little cagey lately." Y/N shrugs and looks up to something. Maybe one of her co-workers. "What will you do tonight?" I ask with a slight frown. "Probably watch one of your movies." She states matter of factly and looks down, grinning before taking a sip of her tea. Wait tea? She never drinks tea.

"Tea?!" She looks at me wide-eyed and embarrassed. "Yeah..." "Since when are you a tea drinker?" "Since I watched a YouTube video about how Elizabeth Olsen loves tea and how she has a whole cabinet dedicated to tea packets." I blush. I love and hate that she watches videos of me because it's the cutest thing ever, but I'm afraid she'll find a video of me doing something dumb and judge me. I know she wouldn't, but a girl can stress, can't she?

"Liz." She pulls me out of my small spiral. "Hmm?" "You know I'm only doing it because I love you. And I want to love the things you love." I smile. "I know." I scrunch my nose up at her. Now she blushes and shakes her head. "What you thinking about?" "Just how lucky I am." She makes sure her eyes are on me. "I meant my text this morning. Every word." "I know, baby."

Now I'm the one watching her, getting lost in thought. We sit admiring each other. Eyes filled with admiration. "My turn, Lizard. Whatcha thinking about?" I use to hate the nickname Lizard, but when she says it, it makes me feel safe. "Tomorrow." "Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?" My body tenses up. Oh shit. I didn't mean to say that! What's tomorrow? Uhhh...

Before I can even come up with a horrible lie, Y/N unknowingly saves me. "Let me guess, secret marvel stuff?" I nod. "You got it, Y/L/N." "Ugh, boorrinnggg." She dramatically sings out. "You'll just have it wait and see." "Yeah yeah." She smiles at me before looking up at her phone. I know she's checking the time. Before she frowns, I do. I know what this means.

"Liz, come on." What?" "I see you pouting." Well, duh, I want you off the clock, Y/N. "Can't you just quit?" Y/N raises an eyebrow to me. "After the phone call, I just had with my mom?"

I'm not asking her to quit, but yes leaving her job would almost certainly make her mom explode. Yeah, Y/N told me everything that happened. That was a rough night for her.

"You're right." "Always am." I scoff. "Not true. You know it goes me, Max, and then you." She puts a hand over her heart and gasps. "Betrayed."

"Y/N, you almost don- oh, sorry." Y/N looks up to the person talking to her. Sounds like Sam? I've only ever overheard Sam, never met her. Y/N said she knows about us and has kept her lifelong mission to protect our secret. She must've noticed Y/N was on the phone still. "Just one second."

Y/N looks back down at me. "I know. I know." I exhale out, not wanting her to go. "Don't worry, love. I'll text you when I get home, okay?" "Okay" "Just a couple more days, and then I finally have you in my arms again," I smirk. "You have no idea."

"Later, Liz!"

"See you soon, Y/N!"

She blows me a kiss before hanging up. I hold my hand with the caught kiss still in it.

"I love you, Coffee Girl."

Y/N POV

"Was that who I think it was?" Sam asks me as I come back to the bare-bones shop. I look at her. "Always is." "Wow." I can see her getting lost in thought, and she looks at me before she's completely gone. "Sorry." "With you? I'm used to it."

We both start to clean behind the bar while Alec takes care of the dining area. "When do you think you'll go public?" Sam asks, just quiet enough for only us to hear it. "Not for a while," I answer in the same manner. "Why are tabloids looking for a scoop?" I raise my eyebrow at her just to watch the panic in her eyes.

"Oh my god Y/N! No, I was just genuinely asking! I'm sorry for making you thin-" "Sam. Sam! I'm just kidding. I'm sorry." I start laughing. I know I shouldn't, but she makes it fun and easy. Sam catches her breath. "I should leak it after that." She grumbles. I walk over to her and pull her into a side hug. "I'm sorry, blueberry." "I still hate that name." "No, you don't," I say, letting go of her. I don't think she meant for me to hear it, but she mumbles, "No, I don't."

_

I text Liz letting her know that I should be home within the hour. I'm literally right outside my building, but I'm giving myself enough time to take a shower and get dressed comfy cozy before I round up whatever I can for dinner. Liz promised me to take me grocery shopping and to cook for me, so I'm honestly holding out for that.

I enter my apartment and smile at the state of it. Over the course of the weeks, I've gotten in a couple of movie posters and art from Etsy of things that I forgot I loved. Plus, I got some journals to start writing in again. It's looking more like home. All that's missing is some finishing touches.

I skip through my place and peel off todays clothes, tossing them into my dirty hamper. I grab a set of sweats to wear after my shower and charge into the bathroom. As I let the hot water get the bathroom just right, I play on my phone, watching TikTok. After two minutes, I close the app out and load some music to blast while I get myself clean.

_

As soon as I wrap my large green towel around me, I check my phone after I heard it go off in the shower. I smile at the sight of Liz but frown as I read her text.

"Yay! Glad, you made it home, love. So I'm not going to beat around the bush, Y/N. I just got informed that I have to go extra early tomorrow. Since it's the last week, I want to do it and get this done, so is it okay if we don't call tonight? I'm probably going to be going to bed soon, but I won't sleep until I get a text from you. I'm sorry, my love. 💛"

It's just a couple of more days, Y/N. You got this. Be a supportive girlfriend.

I text Liz back, saying that it's okay and that I love her so much and for her to please call me in the morning so I can hear her angelic voice.

_

I huff at how skim my fridge is looking. I decide to snack on a bowl of grapes before finding myself in front of my tv. I open my notes app and look at a list I made recently. Called: 🎥 My little star 💫

It's a list of all of Liz's movies, excluding the MCU. Not knowing what to watch, I text Max knowing she'll know what's good to watch.

Mad ❤️‍🔥 Max Today 4:31 PM

Godzilla or  Silent House?

I close out our texts and open an app called JustWatch. It's an app where you can search for any movie you want and see what platform it's on. It's great for someone like me who is catching up on a lot of movies. It looks like Godzilla is on Netflix, while the other movie I'd have to rent. This makes my choice a little easier.

I text Max back, letting her know I decided, and she sends me a thumbs up. Yeah, she's busy. She only uses emojis when her hands are occupied.

I open Netflix on my tv, and after a quick search, I see him, that giant Lizard. Hey Lizard! My lizard's in a lizard movie! I chuckle to myself and go to play the movie before my phone buzzes.

I look down expecting Liz again, but to my shock, it's Mary-Kate. The breath that I took sent a green grape flying to the back of my throat, causing me to stand up, gasping for air as I managed to swallow the whole ass grape. "Jesus fucking Christ!" I yell out, gripping my neck.

After collecting myself, I bring myself back to my phone to open and look at the text that nearly killed me.

"Hey. Can we talk?"

Vague. Of course.

I let the message sit there as I think about the last couple of weeks.

I text her.

"Yes. Of course. My place?"

She agrees and tells me she'll be around in the next half hour. Someone's eager! Okay, sorry, not the time.

I should text Liz, but she has an early start tomorrow, and I don't want to stress her out. Plus. I want to hear what MK has to say before I do anything. I put my phone down and continue the movie. I need a distraction.

_

Okay, what the fuck? Where's my girl? I saw her once so far, and that's it?

A knock comes to my door just in time. I let out a frustrated sigh and pause the movie. I hop up, suspecting who it is, and open the door. Yep, it's MK.

"Hey," I told myself, I'd treat her like a friend and like nothing happened. I usher for her to come in, and she follows me. I close the door behind us. I catch her eyes and take a look at my tv.

I see a smile creep onto her face. "What's that look for?" I ask in a teasing tone. "Just... you're a simp now." She points to the tv, causing us to both laugh, breaking the tension around us. "Yeah, I am." I agree.

"Do you need a drink or anything? Water? Tea?" "Tea? You don't drink tea." "It's new." I simply state as I walk into the kitchen to fill up a cup of water. "Maybe next time." Oh, so there is going to be a next time!? So friends, maybe?

I come back and place the water in front of her. She reaches over and takes a sip as I sit on the other end of the couch. I can see how nervous she is just in her hands. She keeps fidgeting and wiping them off. I don't know if I should do this, but...

I scoot myself closer to her and take her hands into my own. "It's okay." MK shakes her head at me. "No, it's not. I almost ruined everything." "MK, no, you didn't." "Y/N, I went behind your back and-" "And you did something great for Liz and me. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. I just hate the thought of anyone I know ever contacting her. I just didn't want anything to happen to you." MK goes quiet as I continue running my thumbs over her knuckles.

"Thank you," I whisper out to her. "I missed you," I add on. I watch MK's eyes look up before she darts them away, looking around the room. She's trying. "You added some things." I look around with her. "Yeah. It was missing some things."

I feel her eyes back on me, so I turn my head to face her. "I missed you too." I smile to her, and she returns one back. "Can I hug you?" She asks me. "Come here." I open my arms up to her, and she rushes in. She squeezes me tight, and I know it's all her worries, and apologizes leaving her body. "Thank you." She says into my neck.

"You're always welcome."

We pull apart from one another and just sit hand in hand. "Do you have plans tonight?" I ask, not knowing what to do now. "I thought this conversation was going to go on a lot longer, so no, I don't." She laughs. "Take out?" I suggest.

MK bites her lip and nods. "I'd like that." I go to get up, but she stops me. "Friends?" She asks. I give her a look because I thought the answer was obvious. "Friends." I give her a quick hug. "How about you pick the food tonight since we're at my place," I suggest. "Whatever I want?" "As long as it's not poisoned." "Damn it," She giggles as I get up and make myself tea.

As I finish up my tea, a series of knocks interrupts the calm silence MK, and I had going.

"Am I crazy, or is that the food?" "Not me." MK looks at me with a worried look. That's a little concerning.

I walk up to the door. "Hello?"

I get a muffled "hello, Y/N!" back.

Fuck I know that voice.

MK must have noticed my dejected face and body language. "Who's that?" "You'll see." I watch her give me a confused look before holding my hand up, telling her it'll be okay. I hope.

I open the door, and in the most monotone voice I can manage, I speak up. "Hello, mother."

Part 17

[another-lost-mc]

Hi, Jes!

I saw that you haven't been feeling well lately and I wanted to say that I hope you start feeling better soon! I hope you're resting and taking care of yourself!

I also wanted to let you know that I've officially joined the Karasu Fan Club lol. I haven't finished reading all your content about him yet, but so far I am fascinated by him! I love the concept of him talking to MC through the AI. He's such an interesting character and I am quite fond of him.

You inspired me to include my own OC in the longer story I've started posting. I wasn't going to originally, but when I realized how much I enjoyed reading about your OC, I thought maybe I would do it after all. Your advice about how to write a generic MC when writing a longer story really helped me out, too.

So I wanted to say thank you! For posting your writing and for being an inspiration! I hope you have a lovely day/night! <3

Thank you so much! 💙💙💙 I think I’m on the mend but I’m being careful and taking it easy!

I’m thrilled that you’re enjoying Karasu, too. He filled a very specific craving I had when it came to the game’s LI cast and his connection to the AI is definitely a fun aspect I like exploring. (My masterlists are a bit outdated but his character tag should have everything!)

I think OCs can be so much fun. It’s nice having conflict (or friendship or romance) with characters that aren’t strictly from canon. It adds a new dynamic to the typical “the cast are all jealous of each other because of MC again” situation that gets played out a lot in the game. Besides, there’s gotta be other demons in the Devildom MC might befriend—classmates at RAD, other nobles, maybe other demons Solomon has pacts with?

(I loosely refer to Michael as an OC because we still haven’t met him properly and I fleshed out his character for myself long before NB existed.)

I really enjoy world building and fleshing out OC characters. One of my WIP Mephisto fics got derailed because the demon OC I wrote for it was “too likable.” People that read the original outline wanted MC to end up with him instead of Mephisto. LOL

I also like that OCs can have new/different conflict for their own stories too. Karasu has some tension with a few specific characters but gets along with the rest. A lot of his issues are related to his own personal growth as his life changes in unexpected ways. Azra barely gets along with any of the canon cast (literally, his story gets a little violent later on). Zekhan’s conflict is mostly with the angels and his own traumatic past. Metatron’s main issues stem from his own personal issues/insecurities. They’re all unique and honestly, they’re just fun to write about.

I’m happy to hear you’re exploring your own OCs too, and I can’t wait to read more about them!