#hoping to get at least one done today
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okay hi howdy! was supposed to call that poll finished yesterday but I! was having a lil time! but doing that now! so!!
hypoparent requests are open!!
ONE rule tho. no cats introduced in avos, tbc or asc, as I haven't read those arcs and therefore don't know the cats sorryyyy
#cicada blabs#warriors#warrior cats#also! these will probably be sketchy!#so don't expect the most stellar work#i don't wanna get burnt out on these lol#hoping to get at least one done today#i promise i'll get to reading the new arcs eventually......#i just wanna do a complete read through and i have. not had the motivation to do that yet#if it were for anything else i would allow those cats#but since these are making designs for preexisting cats but if they had different parents....#i feel i wouldn't really be able to do them justice since i don't know the characters#and reading up on them on the wiki can only do so much ^^'
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Summary: It is a normal night to end a normal day for Emmet. Then there's a knock at the door.
Thinking about reunions again, so here's something short and sweet today!
#submas#subway boss emmet#subway boss ingo#my wips are piling up again and the only thing thatll get me to write is posting a completed thing#that and also finishing the long fic that has me in a chokehold#i debated posting ch1 of that today but im saving it for next week once i get at least one more chapter done#so take the oldest completed oneshot i got instead#hope you enjoy!
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another little preview
#dqb2#didn't get as much done today as I hoped#I made the questionable decision to start using colors and that multiplied the time-per-part#but also I didn't manage to get started until the day was half over#we're fighting the seasonal depression on this one#and it DEFINITELY got in some hits this morning#here's hoping I'll have more 'get up and go' tomorrow#...not least because I still need to get to the grocery store#yza draws a thing
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2 weeks at uni and I’ve already reached peak procrastination. I found masking tape and somehow decided that the best use of my time was to make a tiny Belphemon-sleep.
#I actually can’t wait till student finance have processed my dsa#maybe next year or something I should look for an adhd diagnosis? if I’m having this much trouble focussing and a cup of coffee doesn’t work#anymore as a way for me to focus maybe I should see if meds would help?#(when I got my autism diagnosis i was also told its possible that I have adhd. I’d privately suspected adhd before I considered autism)#like. some days I can focus. it feels like I’m balancing on a knife-edge and it’s very stressful#and I can’t do it on command or anything#but sure#seeing one piece of fanart with Boy from tts#and my whole day goes down the drain because I can’t drag myself away from the series#and listening to video game soundtrack helps but then if I do that too much I start feeling lonely but I can’t listen to a podcast because#then I focus on that above the work I’m meant ti be doing#and even then I might look up other stuff about the video game I’m listening to#and the worst times are when I become self aware and that really breaks my focus but I know I’ve got to keep going#and then at the end of the day I feel awful because I’ve done about 1-2 hours actual work in 6 hours#time I could have spend doing other work or#heaven forbid#enjoying myself#that was more of a rant than I expected#I’m doing ok I think#I hope#i know I’m not meant to compare myself with others#but I’ve done more work than my flatmates#and that at least makes me feel a little better#I’m going to get myself a coffee now#hopefully that’ll help me today#my goal is at least 200 words#then I can stop#actually autistic#autism#personal rant
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Another one for @sweetspicybingo, this one is for the prompt 'mind break' to 'you can rest now.'
Fandom: Fall Out Boy/Young Blood Chronicles music video
Characters: Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz, Joe Trohman, Courtney Love, Courtney Love's Army, Andy Hurley
Ships: Patrick & Pete, Patrick/Pete (tbh this is primarily a Patrick focused fic but I still got some Peterick soulmateism in there)
Warnings: Whump, psychological torture, YBC-typical violence
Summary:
Everything hurts, a dull throbbing in time with the beat in Patrick's head, sharp accents over the top of it from his stump and his stomach. If he were in any other situation, he'd start composing to it.
He can't help feeling that they've left him here, letting the sedative bleed out of his system, letting him come back to full consciousness, for a reason.
And he has a feeling he's not gonna like whatever it is.
#peterick#patrick stump#fob#fall out boy#young blood chronicles#ybc#pete wentz#hurt/comfort#my writing#sweetspicyhc#trying to see how many of these i can get done by August 15th#I've written one other one that i just need to edit#and got ideas for two others so hoping to at least write and post those#i did get a vague idea for the other two today tho so who knows? maybe?
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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collection of old unfinished link arts-except the tp link one, that’s new-THAT ARE SO FIRE TBH ‼️‼️🎉 how did I conjure this up last year what was I ON😕 yippe
I love how it’s a different facial structure every time. 😞
Tomatoes
LA la la La I’d like to draw Cyclonus next but also I Magnus cuz I missed his birthday ( secretly Magnus is my favorite transformers charcater )
#Jusssst kidding perceptor and brainstorm are forever my favorite but I feel like Magnus is under apprecaited#Fantastic shoulder man!#Anywaaaaaay er I did the whole yiga quest thing in totk (I’m so behind) and that’s why I felt like posting Zelda idk#Zelda#totk#legend of zelda#linkus#u burned your FUCKING ARM OFFF???#if oot link chopped off his ears don’t u think he’d look like edward elric from his anime fullmetal alchemist brotherhood?#if ed put on some elf ears istg he could cosplay oot link#oot link#OOT LINK YIPPPEEEEEEEE#I love saying that out loud “oot” oot oot oot like ooooot#😨the bidding for the perceptor figure I wanted ended and now I can’t get it I’m so sad#eeebeebeee I can’t believe the fandom I’ve been in the longest is transformers (I realized that today) idk why I’m saying all of this in ta#Bro when I was like 5 or 6 I used to PLAY transformers with some neighborhood kids and and#And I was bumblebee I ROLE PLAYED BUMBLEBEE heeehee#It was super fun! Or at least what I remember… and there was this big book with all the transformers and I’d look at the#OK IM DONE good bye I hope no one read allat#JESUS CHRIsT i wrote too much in the tags#I hope the neighborhood kids I played with never find this.
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If you want actually good BL reccs, I've been reading Cherry Magic recently and it's v sweet.
I also read this other one a while ago that was wholesome in a weird way: "My quiet best friend's just tongue-tied"
dude do u know what this ask feels like? like... me: *puts down the toxic high school BL midway through* *heavy sigh* *takes a swig of lavender lemonade* why tf all these yaois so damm .. i don't know. sigh. this is a young man's game. maybe i'm not fit for this no mores anon: hey so i heard u like wholesome and probably not teens *slides recs over* me: either i am unbelievably easy to read or you're just a seasoned BL sommelier. thank u dearly, anon
#not nu🦀#i am having a very good time with cherry magic rn#i read the tongue-tied one first bc i liked the look of the art more#and it was shorter. so. i figured i could finish it quick *rubs palms*#BUT DUDE i see what you mean by 'weird wholesome' for that one#because there were several times when i was side-eyeing severely. they about to make me walk away..#and even more times i wanted to slap protag upside the head#IDIOCY AND IGNORANCE HAVE THEIR LIMITS. YOU ARE BEYOND HOPE#but i still finished it which means that ur rec was COMPLETED and thus a SUCCESS#then i looked at cherry magic like. hm. idk bro. this art isn't really jamming with me#(2.6 minutes later) DUDE I LOVE THIS IT IS LIGHTING UP MY LIFE AND REINVIGORATING MY ANCIENT JOINTS#it is also much longer than i expected. which is GREAT bc then i get more silly 30 year olds falling in doki#me ringing the bell like um. excuse me. when do i get my wizard powers? or does (XYZ) count as *censored* and thus disqualify me? 😂#today i confirm that i should trust internet anon instead of my local library. er. at least regarding gay little love stories#i say CONFIRM because i done knew. but. well. we can learn the same thing over and over i guess#feesh answer
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Love putting this bitch in silly outfits
#gopher art#sketchbook#mortal kombat#mk subzero#kuai liang#you might notice that ive drawn multiple Kuais in this same fucking white fur jacket + blue shirt combo#i cant help it. its a fucking LOOK. LOOKIT THIS MIDDLE AGED MAN WORK IT#im trying to fill at least two pages a day. today ive done three. hope i can get another in#its not one of those little challenges that make you hate art its just that i wont let myself swap sketchbooks until im done#and i dont want this one to fall apart in public ehdhejd#the jine (denim jean spine) will only hold her together so long#so expect more silly bullshit like this
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#holidays have not been what i hoped for so far 😔😔#well the first week was good but then i got sick 😭#and it's been so awful#having a cough is literally the worst i couldn't sleep it was so bad#and i couldn't even enjoy doing anything really because you can't properly focus on the thing bc ur coughing non stop#i hate it sm#and today it was gone all day only that now it is back altough not as bad as before but still#it always gets worse in the evening#like help i just want this to end#what made it even worse i had real plans to study and now i barely got anything done 😭😭#and now i'm scared for exams bc i couldn't follow the plan altough i still have more than 2 and 3 weeks left#in my mind i already think i'm gonna do badly bc i need to study more i'm afraid#and i'm also upset at myself even though it's not my fault i got sick but i keep thinking i still could have done more ughh#to make it even worse i coudn't play tennis for a whole week and i was so looking forward to playing everyday (and improving) 😢😢#i couldn't do any sports or see anyone i miss it sm#i hope at least in the new year i can do stuff again 🥺#it was just the worst cold/flu and idk why whenever i get it it's that extreme 😵💫#or idk is it normal that you can't sleep bc of it ... i just don't wanna get sick again ever lmao it's the worst#i guess christmas was still nice it wasn't that bad then and it was a lovely day with my family :)#and our tree was really pretty this year and i'm really happy with my gifts and also those i gifted 🥰#the week before was good i did play lots of tennis and i went on a christmas market with uni friend and to vienna for a trip with my mom ^^#but maybe it was too much sometimes i wonder if i do something wrong or if it is just bad luck like i did train a lot#and i played a tennis match for my club and won against a higher ranked opponent so yay 😁#and i played really well i feel like i once again really improved my level :)) but i did play kinda sick already so maybe that was rly bad😅#maybe i should stop doing that 😅 but i didn't know it's gonna get this bad i just had the worst headache and sore throat#well ig i should have known but i also always feel like i have to play and i love matches and like my team needs me?#who else would have won that? i'm one of the best at my team and the others who are rly good weren't there that day so i felt responsible 😅#honestly my mom possibly she is also quite good but it would have been close and i wasn't sure so i played 😅#but i have done this too often by now... playing sick i really can't help myself 🤦♀️
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current state of my practicing vet med: inadvertedly sold some cat food while just trying to make things less stressful
#i've started to bribe cat patients with treats#which we've always done with dogs so i thought 'why not'#and while the number of cats responding to treat bribery is smaller than that of the dogs#it's far from zero#and well. one was inhaling them so fast today the owner asked where she could get the food#and i originally intended to just give her a free trial package since it was regular cat food not veterinary diet#but we also had some more at hand so i offered that and she took it#striped nose (the cat's actual name) i hope you're happy#at the very least I am happy because that's another patient i don't have to stress out too much#and that's one of the most important things to me
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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good morning!! <333
#woo another appointment today#it's a busy week for it -- i have two in total lol#but at least i shouldn't have to do much today#i made some decent-ish progress on genshin yesterday#probably not gonna play much today but that's fine :3#maybe i'll have the energy to work on that zayne fic for his birthday#bc i really wanna get it done#anyways~ i hope today/tonight's a good one for you!! <333#morning rambles
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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Made it home through sheer willpower and whimsicality
#Phone did not end up working but two of my inspections got canceled and i canceled one of the remaining 2 sooo essentially#did not get nearly as much done as I would have hoped today but at least I made it home safe w/o help from my phone somehow
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#I don’t know how intentional it is#but the way he’s encouraging me and pushing me to take better care of myself in what feels like subtle ways just has mt heart all warm#this man helped me figure out budget friendly options for my groceries and is giving me different ways to put them together#I’m eating real food. meals. at home. for the first time in like at least a year?#he answers all my dumb baby cooking questions#he encourages me when i feel like idk what I’m doing (like today when I was making a breakfast bowl and nothing was done at the same time)#like idk how to explain it totally#but basically I feel CARED for. looked after. loved?#even though he’s 4 hours away#and like this is just one aspect! there’s so much more he’s doing all the time that makes me feel safer and happy#idk man. I just have a full tummy (of REAL FOOD) and am feeling feelings.#idk if or when he will see this but I just needed to get it out. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him 💜#🤓 daddy#talking peach
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