#hoping real hard i dont need any more refining for this

[ect0-vius]

Hodgepodge

Dear stars, it's been only around 6 months but this is the evolution of my inconsistent art style. Fun fact, all of this mirrors the evolution of my inconsistent writing style :D

Can't wait to see what 2025 brings... hopefully I'll republish this before that comes. I feel terrible leaving this hanging for the three people who read it and liked it.

Also, hello blog scroller!!!! :DDDD

[spectacular-skywalker]

Time for my DWTS thoughts!! S33 Ep2

Spoilers BTC and a lot of typos (sorry!)

okay oscars night yayyy i like the lineup so far and also i would bet money that illona does the dirty danving lift

YAY Jen first okay first of all this song makes me think of Riker Lynchs dance to the same song many seasons ago. And that dance WAS SO GOOD so unfortunately I am comparing them subconsciously. Okay first of all the pink! pop off HMMM that beginning was strange to me, also its wayyy too fast imo, idk if they can choose the speed also choreo not my fav but its not Jens fault (im looking at you sasha) the scores, i hate to say it but i think its deserved

AWWWWW britt is so sweet and this is actually making me emotional BRITTS DRESS IS GORGEOUS YES GO ERIC that was actually beautiful DEREK WHAT YOU HORRIBLE MAN OMG WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT the audible gasp that came out of my mouth dude

Dannys lucky because he has whitney as a partner whitney hot as usual better facials , props, he needs cleener lines man, but he kept up well so good aw he looks so happy (ps i hate top gun)

poor ezra, okay heres my take on anna no i dont think she should be on the show, however im not going to be an asshole because shes here. honestly i think shell go one of these first weeks because people wont vote, so im going to watch and just vibe i do agree, she did pretty okay but she needs more energy/emotions

REGINALDDDD geez derek what are you on tonight

chandler chandler i love you BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS AMAAING shes going to go all the way omg this is actuallt so beautiful my only thing is she mightve needed more hip action?? i feel like rumbas have alot of hip we'll see what the judges say SHE WAS made for dancing she did make it look easy shes so real

i love reginald hes so cute AHAHA hes so funny emmas dress is gorg go dude go, so far im really proud wtf feel from the ceiling in the beginning tho (ive never seen die hard) carrie ann is so right steven next hes so fun DEREK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

i forget steven has so much muscle i am a person who thinks tha tsteven is more of a peter parker than superman BUT THAT WAS SO GOOD overall that was really good and hes so entertaining i do feel like he has trouble getting back into hold sometimes but thats hardly a concern okay yes Bruno i agree, just a bit more finesse that was the best fucking answer stephen could you get any better

w song for jenna, shes so beautiful lady gaga supremacy oh dude chill out its a dance and you have to act sorry hes just a normal guy i need to be more forgiving his ryhthm seems off, but could jsut be me

phaedra did good still needs a bit of tecnique refinement but overall that was super good

some of toris spins were super nice but not enough content

first of city of stars slaps second daniella is so smart that was super super good like that frame was better than some of these guys who have normal heights so real bruno that spin was gorgeous

imma be honest yall i dont like brooks, idk she irks me therfor i will not comment a lot "so connected" omg rme theyre definetley fucking wait that was actually good i like how i said im not gonna comment alot and here i am BRUNO AH OMG it was good in hold, her lines were nice gleb fucked upp cause he very distracted wink wink AHAH ezra and rylee in the back

YASSSSS ILONA i lover herrrr also the lfit fucked up the thing a littl but she got back on track overall good much better and shes seems so HAPPY ilona is iconic she was much lighter on her feet this week

hmmm im conflicted im thinking anna and eric ohhhh i was wrong aw jennas oh thats us LOL i hope tori goes sorry not sorry i liek reginal wayyy more YAS aw i like pasha poor ezra

okay earlier i was being sympathetic with anna but with that final response its an absolute know (im sorry im a hypocrite)

[njeancastro316]

Captive

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is what happens when one of your tumblr sisters @moon-ascendant teases you with a picture of Daniel Gillies as Wing commander Hayes from Occupation Rainfall just to show you his hands and active the heck of the hand kink 🤤🥵 while chatting. Love ya! I have not watch the movie. I’m just going from the synopsis of the story.

English is not my first language.🤷🏻‍♀️

Bolds thoughts: sorry that’s my style of writing

Warnings SMUT like real SMUT complete SMUT be freaking gentle this was torturous to write. Lord knows I love to read them but writing them is a completely different thing entirely. So if you’re younger that 18 please look away my darlings.

Kudos to the gif creator , that giff was used for the facial expressions and the yummy eye FUCK Vibes Hayes gives the female reader.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N couldn’t think of a worse situation . At the moment she was held captive in an Australian military facility, underground in a secret lab where gruesome experiments were done to the alien invaders. She led a mission to free the captives and ended up being one. She was stripped and left in nothing but her underwear her hands were tied and her arms were up placed on some sort of a butchers hook , behind her a concrete wall. Tired and beaten up she waited for the commander of the facility . Since she didn’t talk to the officers they summoned the man himself to whom they referred as the beast. She was anxious but not scared . Her arms hurt from the uncomfortable position they were placed in .

Then footsteps could be heard from the corridor. The comander was close , coming to interrogate her and possible torture her. She would not give the wanker the satisfaction of making her talk , she’d rather die. Beeping sounds were heard and her breath hitched on her throat as the door whooshed open. In came the one person she never in a million years expected to see. So this was their leader Special Wing Comander Hayes .They had history. ‘Bugger’ she thought . Hayes brown eyes locked on hers and spoke to the rest of the men in the room. “Leave us”.

“But sir she’s dangerous” the soldier interrupted . Big mistake Hayes gun was out in a flash hitting the man with it on his face blood splattering everywhere from the soldiers nose.

“If I can’t control this little sheila then perhaps I do deserve to die. Now fuck off”. He went to the control console shutting the monitors down. Once the soldiers were gone he turned to Y/N and by god he had never look more handsome . This man made the uniform look like a sin she desperately wanted to commit. “My Ohhh my Y/N” he started. “Fancy that ... what are the odds of me finding you here of all places”.

“Fuck off Hayes”.

“Tchhh tchhh tchh”he reprimanded with his tongue. “Language mate , I see something’s never changed” he smirked. “Now listen very carefully baby . This could go either fairly easy where you tell me who’s leading the resistance and what is their location? Or things could get ugly up to where I have to get it out of you by any means necessary and we both know that I don’t want to do that, not to you luv. So what do ya reckon eh? , come on talk to me”. He stood in front of her as her chest heaved frustrated.

“I’m not talking Hayes. Do what you have to I’m not a traitor and a coward like you”! She shouted.

His hand found her neck swiftly and gave her a hard squeeze “You wound me mate” . “Look whose talking about traitors THEY invaded US , THEY are killing US why do you help THEM ? he asked upset squeezing a little making her harder for her to breathe then releasing his hold a bit enough for Y/N to catch her breath.

“Not all of them are bad , what you are doing here is wrong , there has to be another way to defeat them . Not like this Hayes please listen to me I” she spoke while taking gulps of much needed oxygen.

“You can what ? Help me? My duty is to my country and if I have to torture and kill the lot of them bastards he paused I will”. “I’ll ask one last time luv tell me who’s your leader? Don’t make me hurt you”. He ran his gun over from her cheek to her breasts . She recoiled.

“Fuck you”! Spitting to the ground disrespecting him.

“Fuck me ? ... Fuck me?!” Hayes snapped he pressed her to the wall with his body . The hand on her neck moved to her dark locks, his long fingers tangling on her tresses pulling her head back hard while his gun pressed to the underside of her left breast. “You want to try that again luv? , I’m going to give you one last chance”. He snarled. Y/N remembered what those big calloused hands could do as he jabbed his gun to her side again and pulled her hair simultaneously earning him a moan not from pain or discomfort but from lust.

“Is this ... he paused “is this turning you on mate?” He smirked

“Hayes let me go ... I don’t have the information you seek Please .. please I” she gasped her panties were gone. His gun disappeared and soon his fingers were at her core .

“God”! She moaned “Hayes please”.

‘Fuck this interrogation’ he thought he’d missed her and she was here vulnerable and ready for him to take her to heaven. There was something about having her like this arms up hands tied that he could not resist. He sped the movement of his fingers making Y/Ns eyes rolled back into her head. ‘Fuck the mission he’s mine��� she was close. Suddenly her vision blurred and white appeared before her eyes as she came on his fingers her body shaking violently. He brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean ‘Fucking delicious baby’ he ran his tongue through his lips before taking her mouth with his own. His slippery tongue fought with her for dominance eventually winning. Y/N threw her head back hissing as his lips found her breasts . His beard scratched her light sensitive skin as he took a nipple in his mouth and suckled.

“Untie me” she begged .

“No”

“Please let me touch you”

He almost gave in ... almost “No” making her growl and curse pulling at her bindings.

Y/N heard his zipper come undone making her look down to his trousers . She had never been so glad to hear that sound. She looked up at him and the look on his face made her cum right then and there. He was so intense.

With little effort he grabbed her by the back of her thighs and hoisted her up against his waist . His length was warm and hard ready to take her. Y/N wrapped her legs around him and leaned forward to kiss him. He sighed into the kiss. He could feel her trembling with need as his fingers greazed her lower back , his tongue intertwining with hers, relishing in her sweet taste. He couldn’t wait any longer and with a hard thrust he swallowed her moan. He was finally in and it was blissful. Hayes set a fast and brutal pace hammering her against the wall and Y/N enjoyed every single second of it. He pulled her hands from the hook and place them behind his neck . She met his thrusts pressing her forehead against his as they panted into each other’s mouths. “Hayes”... Y/N whimpered he knew she was close so he lowered his hand to her core again and started to rub her clit. She moaned into his ear as her thrusts became desperate trying to keep up with him but failing .With a few more movements of his hips she screamed his name for the whole facility to hear . Feeling her walls convulsing around him sent the wing comander over the edge whispering her name fervently over and over again. Coming down from his high he pulled out slowly hissing in the process. “Sensitive comander”? Y/N whispered making him chuckle. “Something like that mate” he took her arms off from around his neck and looking into one of his pockets he produced a knife. “What are you doing”?! She got anxious. “Hush now lass” he cut off her bindings he steadied her .“Get dressed and go I’ll cover ya”. Y/N’s eyes widened “Come with me Hayes”. “No luv I’m into this way to deep , I’ve made my bed no way I’ll back out now” .He grabbed her face and brought his lips to hers one last time. Once dressed she turned to leave when he held her hand .

“What?”

“Take my gun” he put the firearm on her hands.

“You cannot give me this , I can’t” her eyes full of tears.

“You have to and make it believable” he nodded.

“You can’t be serious Hayes ...no” she looked at him refusing to do what he commanded .

“Now my luv you’ll have a window of 60 seconds before I tripped the alarm. Do you understand?”

“Y/N”! he shouted .

“Bugger” she said angry.

“For what is worth... I love you” he gave her a small smile.

“See ya comander” she said before hitting him with his gun on the face cutting his right eyebrow open and aiming at his arm shooting on the forearm.

“You bitch!! ... Fuck”!

“I love you too”she ran from the room hoping she could find the exit before he tripped the alarm.

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There you go a little fluffy towards the end. 😁 Please my smut writing needs some serious refinement but hell I did it weeee!!🎉🎉. I don’t know what happens or have seen Occupation Rainfall , I just couldn’t resist Daniel in a uniform 🤤🥵. I tried to keep the Australian in it lol, I dont know anyone from there so I apologize in advance 🤦🏻‍♀️. I hope you enjoy. Like , reblog , leave coments. I adore them. Toodles until next time my darlings.

@hellotvshowtrash @moon-ascendant @moon-child-writer @multifandom-girlie @eternityunicorn @elejahfanfic @mikaelson-emma @dumble-daddy @nikmikaelsonswife @lady-salvatore @soul-revoir @maldita-world @satedbond @xxwritemeastoryxx @elijahs-wife @lokis-favorite-follower @petrova-banz @umaficwriter @raemikaelson @ronniemikaelson

[all-things-mlqc]

Boys reaction to MC who never have date before meeting them. Like, the boys as MC's first love.

My first HC on here and I was memeing half the time while writing it. Included what the boys would do after hearing this news as well because why not. I’m not a Lucien fan but lord have mercy on my soul, I couldn’t help making his romantic af. He is the ideal boyfriend/date minus the l i e s that come in the MS and I hate it. All the crossed out stuff is just commentary because I couldn’t help myself. Hope you enjoy~ Thank you for your ask <3

How the MLQC boys react to being MC’s first love below the cut~

Victor:

Follows with some snarky comment after he calls her “Dummy”.

Let’s be real here, if he doesn’t call her dummy immediately, then something is wrong. Reminds me of when we streamed the first episode of MLQC and we were all yelling “CALL US BAKA” the second Victor came on screen.

While he seems cool and collected on the outside, you can hear the computer shutdown sound play on the inside.

To him, this is a shocking confession.

Victor: I’m not surprised a dummy like you hasn’t been in a serious relationship before.

Victor, internally: How has she never been in a serious relationship before??

He’s not very good at expressing himself honestly through his words but he truly admires MCs hardworking nature.

He finds that very attractive in a woman and is surprised that other men in the line of business haven’t taken their shot with her yet. it’s because they can feel your death stare on the back of their heads, kind sir

One thing he struggles with is being himself. He tries to act like everything is in his control all the time.

Because of this, upon hearing MCs confession, he invites her to a fancy dinner at his penthouse insert Victor’s Dazzling Date because THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. Jkjk haha... unless...

He wants to impress her as much as possible even though he knows deep down that she doesn’t care about what a person has and rather how they are as a person

BUT ALAS. The stress be real for her first boyfriend.

He wants her to know she made a good decision without verbally telling her out of his own bitch mouth I love you, please call me baka so he goes over the top with their first date.

Basically pulls a Mr. Krabs when taking Mrs. Puff on a date. Just add shades to Mr. Krabs to represent Victor’s “I’m calm. I’m chill. I’m all good. We vibin out here.”

All MC wants from him is his honest and genuine thoughts. and a lifetime stock of pudding because good god a girl has chocolate needs

MC eventually figures out Victor’s intentions with all the gifts he rains on her because hE dOesNt nEeD tHeM he can’t give her anything more than a cup of pudding up front

MC knows this and accepts the secret gifts with a smile.

She sends a gift in return to his office the following day along with a thank you for the wonderful date.

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of Victor’s heart rate slowing to the average persons.

Kiro:

insert pikachu meme

This boy is mind blown.

“How have you never been in a relationship before??? That can’t be true!”

Kiro sees the good in everyone, so hearing that MC has never been in a relationship before him is

He gives her a bright smile and playfully hugs her from behind.

The two of them laugh together as he whispers genuinely in her ear,

“I promise to make you happy. You won’t regret it.”

He immediately drags her off to Loveland’s Amusement Park, where they spend the whole day together.

Rides, snacks, games, you name it, they did it all.

Kiro naturally spoils MC without putting much thought to it.

It’s like a reflex for him. It’s just who he is as a person. Always wants to share the happiness in the world with the people he cares about.

As for how anxious he is after hearing the news about being MC’s first love, he is screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.

Almost 100% of the time he has a smile on his face and even convinces himself that he’s not worried about it.

But he is.

It only hits him when he thinks about another man taking MC away from him after seeing her talking with another guy.

MC will catch him without his carefree smile at times and eventually confronts him about it.

He shows her a wide smile and says there’s nothing to worry about.

L I E S. BABIE LEMME HOLD YOU I PROMISE YOU DONT NEED TO WORRY.

After a few attempts of trying to get Kiro to open up about it, he gives in and says he’s worried he’s not good enough for her HAHAHHA, GOOD ONE KIRO

MC, however, turns it around on him

MC: I’m afraid IM the one who isn’t good enough for you.

They both smile and embrace each other, knowing they’ll get through any little concerns like this.

Gavin:

He knows.

We’re talking about the boy who has been in love with MC since high school; Who has protected her behind the scenes ever since he laid eyes on her.

He would know if she had been in a previous or current relationship.

It only comes as a shock when she says she’s never been interested in anyone else romantically before. Lies. Have you seen the other suitors, MC. In a world where guys are that hot, you must’ve had at least 1 crush, c’mon sis.

Gavin respected her personal boundaries and never looked into her personal affairs so he had very little knowledge of her views on other guys.

He gets a little bit nervous, since he believes her standards must be high if she hasn’t been interested in anyone else before.

Does the full on soldier oath, bend the knee cliche which includes “I promise to always protect you” and “Nobody will ever be good enough for you”

Mc: Gavin no...

Gavin: NOBODY WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Spoiler alert: You are waayyyyy too good for me, Gavin.

He doesn’t have too much anxiety over the thought of being MC’s first love though since he’s very good at staying true to himself and knows MC is one to admire that about others.

Gavin is a quiet guy in general. He’s more of an observer and watches MC to take note of what she enjoys.

When he sees her eyes shine bright after seeing a delicious dessert cafe, he offers to take her. He makes sure to express how he also wants to go since he knows she won’t accept unless he is interested as well.

Boy literally has no interests the moment he’s with MC. He is essentially that vine

Doesn’t even wait until the question is over and just “Absolutely. Let’s do it”

MC: But I haven’t even said anything yet...

He isn’t much different from how he is now. Has around the same amount of anxiety just from being in MCs presence.

Boy just wants to PROTECC and is always panicking on the inside but tries to remain calm.

He is very good at calming his anxiety though since he’s had so long to understand what MC values and knows she just loves people for themselves.

That’s all he needs.

Lucien:

His eyes widen slightly at MCs confession.

It’s nothing too mind blowing for him since he knows how refined MC is and how dedicated she is to her work.

It’s still surprising to him that nobody has tried to sweep her off her feet yet.

With how kind MC is, it would be hard for her to refuse a date with a gentleman.

Lucien gently presses a kiss to MCs hand upon hearing her confession.

Lucien: I am honored to be given the opportunity TO WOO to take such a beautiful lady out on a date~ AND MORE PLEASE

Lucien is the definition of a gentleman shhhh we aren’t speaking of current chapters in the main route Lucien. Cover your eyes. Pretend you do not see.

With little to no anxiety showing on his face after the reveal that he is MCs first love, he insists on taking her out to a nice restaurant the most classy and romantic 5 star restaurant Loveland City has to offer as a way to thank her for dealing with his bs (both his bullshit and black swan hahaha I’m so funny oml) being given the opportunity to treat her as a beautiful young lady should be treated.

He’s also more on the less anxious side of being MCs first love.

Lucien is a traditional man and does stuff by the book.

Because of this, he respects and likes the idea of being MCs first love.

He doesn’t go over the top yet isn’t cliche with dates and little actions.

He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Though he may struggle with being openly honest about his own thoughts and feelings, he tries his best to express himself for MC. a lot of the time he just assumes talking to her about his personal affairs would bring her down.

This, however, gets better overtime as they continue to date.

They spend a lovely evening at dinner together and take a midnight stroll through the city oh god city stroll PTSD

He gently wraps his jacket around her bare shoulders with a soft smile as he thanks her once again for believing in him believing he is worthy of her

Bonus:

Shaw:

Shaw, smirking: Is that so?

Oohhhhh you know what that smirk does to me. DOWN BOY D O W N.

He’s surprised but his reaction is very mutual.

His internal thoughts are more on the line of “Hmm I’m her first boyfriend, aye?” and “OYA OYA”

He very likely most definitely places his hand on the wall beside her head and leans in closely to get a reaction from her as he growls,

Shaw: So that means you really like me, yeah? I’m making this way too hot gdi. Shaw stans please enjoy your food

MC looks up to see that same playful smirk resting on his face.

highkey don’t know how to respond because Im just “ok think of 3 things she would probably say and go from there” while my brain just computer error sound

MC: and what about yourself? I’m sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves at you yet you choose me.

He pulls away and places his hands in his pockets with a chuckle.

Shaw: I’ve had my fair share before.

iVe HaD mY fAiR sHarE bEfoRe MY ASS

I’m convinced he’s had one time things with girls purely for information or he isn’t the least bit interested in relationships because he thrives on stimulation and entertainment and nOboDy iS gOoD eNouGh plus he literally asks what people do on dates when taking mc out in his first date in game SO

Either way, this is a LIE. The man can’t relationship for the life of him so he has no RIGHTS to tease her.

Just let him believe or you can try to tease him about it in hopes of getting a little pouty face out of him.

Honestly, their first date would just be the first date we got in the game and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Shaw is a wild child and doesn’t care for romantic dates. at least that’s what he wants you to think

A little insight on his character: He’s very blunt and easily pushes people away all the while keeping them close enough to gather intel. He doesn’t get emotionally attached to anyone and makes sure it’s mutual on both ends. Personal relationships only drag him down, especially in his line of work. He prioritizes other things before relationships which makes him so damn FRUSTRATING BUT I SWEAR I WILL CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A WALNUT JUST YOU WATCH ME.

With that being said, after actually being in a relationship with MC for a while and opening up about their personal lives more, Shaw can be very romantic. He may be awkward for a bit at first since he literally doesn’t know what a date is but he gets there eventually.

He’s still full of fun but is also very gentle and makes sure MC is enjoying herself.

I got sidetracked with the actual HC on this one but Shaw stans need food I NEED FOOD

[fanguuuhhhrl]

Im kinda obsessed with I-Land right now. I love 23 boys and if possible i would like them all to debut but the elimination is in 30 minutes so im going to post my top 12 picks before it airs (kind of in order, kind of not, im biased, this is based on an unsure mixture of skill and personality, could change but most likely not):

1. Sunoo- BITCH!!! WTH!!! I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND MY SEROTONIN LEVELS BURST THROUGH THE ROOF!! He is a puppy!! He is amazing. If you didnt know anyone yet and you put all 23 boys in a line up. He will draw your attention with his sunshine smile :)))) he is so heartwarming. Most people be like "i have no filter" but they just be mean, but this guy is different, he literally has no ability to hide what he thinks but it never comes off as anything negative. He says "Me! I can do it!" but it's just endearing and never comes across as trying to show off. He says "there was a little bit of friction" and when the members look at himshocked, he looks at them shocked too.... theres no dull moment when he's in frame. It's so amazing how pure a person can be. But know that i am not just rooting for personality but for talent. his voice... His Voice!!! Vocally geonu and heeseung really slayed the butterfly performance but if you ask me, "save me" had a more emotional attack. His facial expression is just brimming of feelings. His voice is so raw. Also You know that part in save me where he transitions from head voice into chest voice really smooth??? You'll know what im saying if you see it. thats so fucking satisfying that i had to replay it so much. I definitely replayed the save me performance more times honeslty. And the way he dances!!! It might not be That refined yet but that's the charm... it's so raw and full of emotions... so like him. I can see myself stanning this group long term if he debuts with them.

2. Jungwon- tf i love this boy so much. his visuals already stood out to me when they were entering i-land, then his voice stood out to me in the first challenge... he did that hard ass choreography without any audible changes to his voice that i had to rewind that multiple times (more than the editor already did) then the moment i saw him dance the center in episode 4??? BOY???? BOY!!!! that was my breaking point... i can't believe im saying this about men but i already knew i would die for him... plus he is so sweet :((( his eyes are just so naturally cute but i was so shocked in the last challenge when he was able to pull off that fierce ass look.... i am devastated... im about the same age but my parental instincts are at work here. plus SPOILER ALERT to those who plan to watch he won first place in both the first and last challenge can everybody say jungwon ace

3. Geonu- my feelings for him are much like jungwon :((( except theres more parental instincts... and i say this despite being younger than him but whatever age is just a vibe... HE IS SO LIDDOL :((( i want to be his mom :(( at first, personality wise, it's hard to notice him bc he's a little calm and laidback... but its the little things that draw you to him :((( his glasses and hoodies just seem a little bit big on him and that just makes me smile for some reason... he cries silently when people are sent to the ground and he gets along well with the people... i noticed him first together with jungwon in the first i land challenge because they had the most stable performance. but i've never been more attached to him than when he sang butterfly (favorite bts song anyone??)... i honestly thought they could debut then and there and i wouldnt bat an eye... also it's so funny that the one thing i identified him with during the early episodes was the fact that whenever the camera pans to him, he just has the dead eye stare and parted lips (think: pokerface but confused) especially with the huge ass glasses but in the end the poker face thing that stuck to me became the thing that worked against him i cri

4. Jay- hold on folks this is going to be a long one. Jay has such a powerful personality that at first made me hesitant about liking him... idk he just seemed like the guy i would not vibe with in real life, but the longer time passed, the more he became one of my favorites and i root for him now like crazy. at first it was funny when they kept rejecting him for the vocal parts, but the more it went on, i was so sure that if it was me, i would have cried and dropped then and there, but it was so amazing watching him push through that and he didnt even lie about how he felt. his unique determination is such a breath of fresh air, a little heartwarming and oh so inspiring. i honestly learned a lot from just watching him. the time he went to the ground was so crucial to his development as a person, leader and performer. it was so mindblowing when he became the leader at the ground and even adapted heeseung's teaching methods. you know that meme "improvise, adapt, overcome?" he is the exact personification of that. what i loved about him the most is that even with his steely determination, he didnt enforce or project that on the other grounders, he just shared it with them. he understands when they need rest, encouragement or massages. he was such a caring leader. Skill wise- i can't say anything. He already proved himself so many times. Great dancer and potential vocalist. The mnet specials also show how much sweeter he is than the show shows him to be. He takes care of everyone, and has more of mother duck than street gang vibes (and he knows how to cook!!). And at the end, while he seems to be mostly self- oriented about debuting, he ends up spending most of his time teaching others and helping them improve. I just love him. Debut Jay 2k20!!!

5. Sunghoon- tf this guy is so cool and laidback that i didnt even pay much attention to him during the early parts but he just keeps crawling into my heart because so many members love him so damn much??? and he just goes along with them?? they want me to do triple axel while average people can't even do a single axel on a trampoline?? ok imma give them a double axel tho. jake is challenging me to arm flexing? yeah why not? k wants me to dance?? yeah lemme just spin 50 times. jay wants to shower together?? weird but im not strongly against the idea. ej wants to scare people? count me in. someone needs a hand to hold?? ok here's my warm hand to the rescue... everyone just wants to be his friend that he birthed my favorite sunoo scene "im cuter than him [jake]" and he was just like "yeah ok i guess so" sksjsk sunoo is that how you ask someone to be your friend jshdk??? and can i just say? as a figure skating fan, he has automatic +52536 points... and when the judges said he's the most natural performer out of them??? i vibed with that hard.. he dances well so naturally and he takes your attention without even seeming like he's trying to. that dance performance with k and jungwon?? i thought at first that his energy wouldnt catch up but damn boy my eyes were just trackingnhim the entire time unintentionallu that i had to rewind and he was just as great as all of them... with the additional benefit of being a stunt boy!! and though it might seem effortless, we saw that he practiced so hard for it. overall a 100/100 boy with a naturally charismatic personality that bleeds into his performance... as a fellow 02 liner i would also like to apply as his bestfriend thank you

6. Heesung- what can i say except he's a perfect boy ok thats it why are you still reading... jk... ok lets talk about him... skill wise?? I cried during the butterfly performance. i marvel at his vocal stability. his voice is so crystal clear. his dancing is so clean. his skills are superb but most of all, theyre already so refined. there's nothing more i could ask for. personaloty wise... i also have a lot to say... despite his celebrity status, it's awesome how he can make the other trainees comfortable with him. he's kind and soft and lovely.

but because i am me, i have to overanalyze people so idk skip this if you dont like that. for someone who's experienced being an academic achiever... i sure do vibe with his personality a lot... you know when there's a group activity and you're so sure you can lead it well but you don't want to? half because you dont want to come off as a show off and half bc you genuinely still have self-doubts, and you're scared of falling short of expectations. Also, you feel that if it all fails, you'll be responsible so you have to feel that everyone approves you before you can take leadership and show your entire thing. And the moment you feel validated and take the reins, you start unconsciously projecting your perfectionist attitude on people??? yeah... i love that despite being an almost perfect person he still has issues most people can find relatable and that, in addition to the talent makes me want to root from him. (im also going to take a stab and guess that his mbti is probs ixxp) i'll be honest tho, because its like 100 percent sure now that he'll debut, im not super attached to him??? i love him tho but he's just not in any danger so i can just let my support for him chill. i think amidst this, bc most of the trainees depend a lot on him, i mostly hope for him to take care of his mental health

7. Daniel- awww danielll... i went into i-land not knowing anyone's ages so i had a brief whiplash feeling when someone said daniel is 15... it's because he's so emotionally mature?? like he's such a supportive and caring person that it barely struck me the that he might be the youngest?? he already caught my attention when they performed "any song" bc they just seemed like they were having fun and doing their best without the pressure of whether they would win ir not, and for me that attitude is something you'd see from more experienced performers. and during the second ep when he just felt the need to comfort everyone bc he's got such a high score?? i loved that an i was so bummed out when they eliminated him. the save me performance was definitely a cherry on top that i just had to love him more than i already do... he may be young but he's as ready to debut as everyone else.

8. Jake- jake is just one of the people who showcased so much growth between ep 1 and ep 2. he already had the right attitude when they performed crown and he just had to improve skills and stage presence, and improved he did. despite being one of the trainees with the shortest training time, he was the one teaching the others by the end it just supports my theory that he might have been an ace as well if he just had the same amount of training as everyone else. im also truly in love with his mischievous antics. he seemed like an introvert to me at first but he came out of his shell and i love that. also i just crave more moments of him and sunghoon's friendship (they both seemed like introverts who found someone they could be extroverts with in each other) i am 👌this close to storming i land and demand that they let me join their merry little band of 2002 children

9. Niki- dance skills= 100 he's just so good it's unreal... it's insane... everytime he's on screen i hear boss musicand i cant even imagine him being younger than anyone, let alone taki. i get why some people dislike him but honestly i think it's just because they don't see him as a child... but he is. i was honestly a bit mad for him when they kept guilt tripping him into leading all of them, and i understood his tjought process when he thought he just kept failing everyone and when he thought things just kept backfiring on him. he is held on such a high pedestal and i dont think he deserves that kind of burden. as for me, it would just be a waste of talent to let him go. his attitude could still improve, as we'd seen when he eventually volunteered to help everyone. i also felt bad when he said that he's scared he might not be voted bc some people dont base on skills and i love him and i just want him to kmow that he's loved

10. Taki- what the hell can i even say?? he's the kindest softest boy ever. he tries to see the good in people and is very hardworking... he listens to people well and actually follow them, so he improves a lot... he knows people think he's cute and he tries and tries and tries to look fierce if the song calls for it... he is amazing

11. K- i really can't say anything, he really stands out during performances. also very pro at dancing. his choreography??? *chef's kiss* and i think the younger trainees depend a lot on him, besides heesung and so he's good at keeping the team together.

12. EJ- im really hesitant about the last person to be the twelfth i lander because it could almost be anyone and i wouldnt be too bummed out bc theyre almost all equally talented... the thing with ej tho is he already gets along well with the i landers and has harmony with other members. (plus see above: im a sucker for the 2002 line) i think its a tiny bit unfair to base it on this bc the others didnt even get a chance to show what they can bring to the group so im torn.

bonus: i wouldnt feel too bad if it were jaebeom (he has great voice, the producers think he's not too stand out bc he's weak at dance, but the i land is already so full of people whose expertise is dancing, so i think there should be someone who's specialty is singing), kyungmin (i really appreciated how hard he worked during the last test and it actually paid off, i honestly noticed him there even if he was always at the back. i also loved his determination and i was so touched when he and jaebeom were talking and he said "there's really nothing to do but believe in the impossible right?" it's just that the i landers were already ahead of him in terms of skills so he failed the votings) and hanbin (i've watched his cover videos and he's really good at dancing and stage projection. like i was honestly wondering why it wasnt showing in the performances :((( and he hadnt even had too much screentime to actually See what he's capable of.

[deniigi]

I had a really bad day (I wont say why because I wouldnt want you to feel like I'm guilting you into anything) and I was wondering if maybe you had a dfv/lfv or inimitable verse drabble you havent put up or one on here you really like you could point me to (navigation is hard on mobile) or even just some like hcs. If not its totally ok! You dont owe me anything. But I thought I'd ask and see if that's ok.

Oh no!

Sorry that you had a rough day my dear. I don’t have much in the works for those verses right now (I’ve been hammering my head against a wall, trying to write out a piece exploring Gwen and Murderdock’s relationship–it’s not working tho, so I’m stopping). Of course any of the Clint-based pieces are fun in those verses if you need a pick me up, but I am equally fond of Chapter 13 of Sidebars.

But! If you don’t mind a little piece from Lying by Omission/The Sprawl I’ve got cute little bit of Jack and Ben going out to dinner with Matt and Peter?

I’ll put it under the cut if you’re down

—-

“Dad, let’s go out to eat.”

Jack didn’t trust that. Jack had been scarred by the durian. Permanently scarred. He was never coming back from the durian. He was etching a durian with a big ‘X’ through it into the top of his next coffin for future archaeologists to find and have absolutely no questions about.

Matt, sensing that he was presently not receiving the amount of attention that he could be receiving, oozed out of the kitchen and draped himself over the back of the couch, right behind Jack’s shoulders. Jack glanced to the side and noted that he was wearing shoes.

He wasn’t chancing it.

“No shoes on the couch,” he said.

“It’s my couch,” Matt hummed, already migrating over to the couch’s arm, no doubt to burrow his way under Jack’s own arm.

“It’s a couch.”

“My couch,” Matt hummed, plucking Jack’s phone out of his hand and tossing it callously to the other side of said couch. He then executed the burrow and wriggled himself over so that he was the sole occupant of Jack’s lap. He waited, as sweet as could be, until he had Jack’s more or less undivided attention.

The kid was heavy. Jack couldn’t tell if he knew just how heavy he was.

He suspected that he was more than aware of it.

Matt beamed at him. He did not pull his shoed feet over the couch’s arm.

A sign of obedience. Or perhaps a buttering-up technique.

Tricky, tricky.

“Why do we need to go out to eat? What’s wrong with what’s in the fridge?” Jack asked Matt’s untrustworthy grin.

It faded a little because there was a pout which needed doing.

“I’m tired of eating potatoes,” Matt huffed.

“Take it back,” Jack scolded him. “I won’t hear any raggin’ on tatties in this household.”

“I want rice.”

“I’ll make you rice, Matty.”

“I don’t want your rice.”

Picky little shit. Just like his mother. She’d been the type to refuse a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if the slop wasn’t equally distributed.

Jack’s rice was perfectly fine. It even had bits of onion in it. If he was feeling real fancy, he might even cook it in broth or something.

“Fine, so make rice yourself,” he said. Matt squirmed up and wrapped arms around Jack’s neck. He put his cheek against it and immediately made the skin there it itch.

“You need a shave,” Jack huffed, reaching back for his phone. Vanessa was doing battle with her replacement: Bella the cat. She was giving their zombie group the play by play of the her and the cat’s opposing campaigns to win Wade’s favor. Thus far, Bella had broken a plate and gotten scratchies and kisses for it. Vanessa was outraged.

It was an outrage to behold.

“Daddy.”

Not this again. This was no reason to bring out the big guns.

“Get your shoes,” Matt whined.

“Baby, you can go out. I’m not stopping you from going out. No one is stopping you from going out, god help us,” Jack told him.

Matt abandoned his neck, stretched out, quick as a whip, and snatched the phone on the other cushion. He crammed it into his shirt and then replaced himself and his face-broom against Jack’s pulse point.

Yeah.

Yeah, Jack didn’t know what he’d expected to happen here.

“Matt,” he warned.

“Dinner.”

“The last time we went to dinner, you broke my heart, soul, and trust.”

“I won’t do it again.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, right. ”

“I won’t,” Matt promised, pulling back to add puppy eyes to the mix.

That was unfair. Uncalled for. Totally underhanded.

“Why don’t you go out with Foggy?” Jack tried as a last-ditch effort.

“Because I want to go out with you,” Matt emphasized. “My pops. My old man. We gotta bond. It’ll make me more well-adjusted. The internet says so.”

Jack was confiscating the internet. The internet was a know-it-all snitch.

“DAD.”

“Fine, for fuck’s sake, boy. Get off, you’re drowning me here.”

  Jack would go out to dinner on one condition.

Two conditions actually.

1)      There was to be no durian. Anywhere. At all.

2)      He got to bring moral support.

Matt was more than cool with that because it meant that he could replace the durian with another creative element which would equally torture Jack.

So Jack asked Ben Parker to come along. Parker was sharp as a tack. Compared to Jack, he was a man of the world. A reasonable and sensitive body with respect for his fellow humans. He promised to help Jack identify potential threats to his person flung his way by his uncaring and mischievous son.

Unfortunately, to that end, Matt insisted that they take Ben’s nephew, Peter, out with them too.

Jack knew from the start that this was Matt inserting his chaos element into what might otherwise be a perfectly tolerable and uneventful night out. But he also held out hope that Peter would be the sweet, kind-hearted boy he appeared to be.

It really was too much to ask for.

Peter latched his whole body onto Matt within seconds of their two parties meeting up and the two of them immediately set to whispering which bode poorly for everyone else involved.

“I believe we may have made a mistake,” Ben observed, rubbing thoughtfully at his chin.

  Matt wanted rice and Peter wanted something sour enough to leave ulcers in his mouth, so the two of them decided that Thai food would achieve both of these effects. Jack was suspicious. Ben told him that Thai food was very tasty and he had little reason to fear, except.

Except.

“Peter hates durian, it’s fine, he won’t be setting up any conspiracies around it,” Ben promised him.

Mm.

They’d see about that.

Foggy had said something similar when he and Matt had dragged Jack out for Filipino food.

  Jack was pretty sure that Peter just wanted a lime. He was 90% sure that all Peter’s cravings could be satisfied with a lime right now.

Matt, however, in an unlikely turn of events, convinced him that he should get food-substances to accompany his burning desire for limes. Peter grumbled at this and deferred to his uncle for support in the face of this logic.

Chaos element, located.

“Pick a carb,” Ben directed.

“Sugar is a carb,” Peter argued.

“Pick a carb in a less refined form,” Ben countered easily.

“If it’s raw sugar, it—”

“Veg, noodles, or rice,” Ben offered him.

Peter scowled.

“You said a carb,” he pouted. “I want sugar.”

“I have good news for you, sweet child of mine,” Ben said fondly. “There is sugar in everything served in the United States of America. You will have your sugar. Pick its structure: veg, noodles, or rice.”

Ben made Jack feel like a shit dad sometimes. Although, to be fair, Jack hadn’t been a dad as long as Ben had.

Peter, outwitted and bitter about it, agitated Matt to help him.

Matt saw no need for that.

“You’re gonna be hungry in an hour and then you’re gonna whine about it,” he declared.

Peter scowled at him and then turned his lethal puppy eyes onto Jack. Jack set up a menu between the two of them because he was not strong enough to cope with that.

Peter whined behind it.

  Things were going too smoothly for too long. Jack did not trust the decent behavior happening at this table. Ben got a kick out of his paranoia, which was great because someone needed to.

“What are you hiding?” Jack asked Matt. Matt scoffed.

“Chill, old man,” he said. “We’re literally just having dinner. Maybe try to have a good time, huh?”

No.

Something evil was afoot.

Peter snickered. Matt swatted at him; he easily dodged the hand.

Trouble.

  Dinner was eaten and paid for and Jack eventually gave up and settled down. Begrudgingly, he had to admit that Matt was right. Thai food was nice. No incidents had occurred. There was no durian. Ben and Peter made for good conversation, even if everything led back to Peter’s obsession with sci-fi films.

Ben told him that if he kept mentioning them, the aliens would hear him and his name would start to move up higher up on their list of potential captures.

The kid was horrified.

Matt helpfully started counting off the number of times Peter had mentioned aliens in the last week and Peter had briefly looked like he was going to cry.

“Is your wife not going to hear of this?” Jack asked Ben as they walked after the trouble duo who had determined that they were finding dessert at a different location. They seemed to know what they were after, so Jack and Ben left them to it.

“Oh, she will,” Ben said.

“And you don’t mind?”

“She encourages it. She’s convinced him that if you leave a tv on static, aliens can pick up on your watch history.”

Interesting parenting techniques going on here.

Ben laughed.

“Well, I guess we just figure that if you’ve got a weird kid, it’s easier on everyone if you just lean into it. My brother probably wouldn’t be so down with it, but he’s not here, so whatever.”

Ah, right.

“Peter’s your brother’s son, then,” Jack noted.

Ben hummed.

“I…guess,” he said uneasily. “I—it’s hard to explain. I mean, biologically, yeah he’s Rich’s son. But, you know, me and May’ve raised him for longer than Rich and Mary were ever in his life, so, I dunno. Is it fucked up that I kind of think of him as my son?”

No. Not at all.

“My eldest brother pretty much raised me,” Jack told him. “My mama couldn’t be assed to do anything more than scream at the drop of a hat and my daddy was busy drinking himself to death, so Bill was the one who got me up and dressed and off to school in the morning. I always thought of him as a mix between a brother and a mom.”

“No shit?” Ben said. “Where is he? He still around?”

Uuuuuuuh.

“We haven’t talked for a long time,” Jack said.

“Oh? Well, now’s your chance you know.”

Jack tried not to wince too sharply. Ben caught it anyways.

“Or not,” he said. “You don’t have to if its painful or something.”

Oh, buddy.

“We’ll see,” Jack decided. “I’ll need to think about it.”

He didn’t know how Matt would react. Hell, he didn’t know how he would react to seeing Bill again.

  Matt and Peter presented Jack with a drink that had evil hiding in the bottom of it.

He should have known better to think he’d escape that night uninjured.

–

I hope this cheers you up my dear and that things get easier for you soon!

[turtle-steverogers]

Not Guilty- 2

murder mystery’s back! im having too much fun with this story guys

Link to chap 1 in case you need it

warnings: albert being a human disaster, abuse of the word ‘milk’

ship: ralbert, platonic spalbert

word count: 1680

editing: lmaoooo no

Chap 2

When Albert gets to the precinct the next morning, he’s wary to find a wrapped parcel on his desk that looks suspiciously like a sandwich.  He pokes at it, frowning when he sees a singular smiley face drawn on the underside in black sharpie.

 “Hey, uh, Spot?” He calls, looking up when he hears his partner’s chair roll out from his desk and subsequently poke his head around the low wooden wall that separates their cubicles.

“Yes, honeycakes?” Spot’s expression is the face of innocence and Albert’s stomach churns.

“Did you-” He stumbles, gesturing to the presumed sandwich, “Is this for me?”

“It’s on your desk, isn’t it?” Spot smiles, rolling back into his cubicle.

Albert sighs, taking off his messenger bag and jacket and sitting heavily in his desk chair.  He cautiously unwraps the white paper to find a loaded meatball sub sitting in the middle of a napkin.  There’s a sticky note placed delicately on the fluffy white bread and Albert plucks it up, squinting at the words:

Sorry you didn’t finish your sandwich xoxo Spottie

He laughs probably too loud and sticks the sticky note on his desktop, right next to the note from Jack that reads: ‘I’m sorry for stealing your pants, I had brains on mine’ after Jack had taken his extra pair of slacks from his locker when his got spoiled at a crime scene.

He takes a bite of the sandwich, pleased to find that he can still stomach his favorite Gianno’s special after yesterday’s events.  As he chews, careful not to get any tomato sauce on his shirt, he plucks a sticky note from his own pad and scrawls out: Thanks, Pop Spotcket.  Love u, dear xoxo and tosses it over to Spot.

A moment later, Spot snorts indignantly, “‘Pop Spotcket’? Really? Does anyone actually use those anymore?  The only person I know who has one is my niece and she’s eleven.”

Albert rolls his chair so he’s in Spot’s cubicle, sandwich still in hand, “I have one, asshole.  They’re useful.  Anyway, thanks for the sandwich.  How’s it looking at Gianno’s?”

Spot sighs wearily, placing a stack of papers down and turning from his computer to look at Albert, “Eh.  They’re closed today.  I stopped by this morning to pick up some evidence left at the crime scene and one of the waiters asked if I wanted anything and I remembered that you didn’t get to finish your lunch yesterday so…”

“Thanks, man,” Albert says, mouth full.  Spot wrinkles his nose and tells him not to speak with food in his mouth.  Albert rolls his eyes, “Anyway, evidence?  What’s new?”

“Nothing really,” Spot says, “Just Wiesel’s receipt from his last meal.  Wasn’t really much on it, but it gave us a sure timestamp that lines up with our original record, so at least that’s set.”

“Good,” Albert shoves the last bit of sandwich into his mouth, licking his fingers.

“Yeah.  Saw our boy there, though.”

Albert raises his eyebrows, “Higgins?”

“Mhm.”

“How’s he?”

Spot shrugs, “Didn’t talk to him.  Kid looked like shit.  Well, more shitty than yesterday if that’s somehow possible.  Kept sending cute little glares my way, fucking ray of sunshine, that one.”

“Christ,” Albert grimaces, “I’m convinced he’s a player in this debacle somehow.  I mean, he seemed genuinely surprised when he found out the vic was Wiesel, but too many strings lead to connections on his end.”

“Yeah,” Spot agrees, “I dunno, I say we dig a little into Wiesel’s other relations as well.  I feel like there’s a gap here somewhere.”

“Toxicology came back,” Albert says after a pause.

Spot looks at him, eyebrows raised, “And?”

“Sarin poison in the blood.  Stab wounds were post-mortem.  Someone wanted this shit to look messier than it is.”

“Interesting.  I wonder who’d go through the trouble of poisoning, then following up with a physical attack.  ‘Specially in a public place.  S’kinda risky.”

“That’s what I was thinking, but whoever it was, clearly knew what they were doing.”

“Clearly…”

XXX

Albert never understood why there was such a wide variety of milks in the world.  And why, in this moment, he can’t find any simple fucking 2%.  

He scans over the selection again, bypassing the almond and oat milks and skimming over the fritzy lactose free shit.  There’s strawberry milk and chocolate milk on display and even horrifyingly enough, mint milk, but no fucking 2%.  It’s not even like this fucking bodega is big enough to warrant having so many milks. 

He just wants some damn normal person milk!

“Excuse me, detective.” 

Albert doesn’t startle.  He doesn’t.  He’s a trained law enforcement officer and detective.  People like him don’t fucking startle.  But, he is on high, professional alert when he turns around to see Antonio Fucking Higgins standing behind him, eyebrows raised in what’s probably amusement and hands shoved in his pockets.

Albert makes a strangled noise, eyes working on their own accord as they trail down Higgins’ body.  He’s sweaty, looking like he just came from some sort of workout, and a pair of tight adidas running pants hug his legs in all the right places.  He’s in a tank top today, somehow doing his arms more justice than the grey shirt he’d been wearing yesterday.  A hat sits backwards on his head, doing little to tame the curls that are trying to sneak out of the stupid hole where the strap meets the fabric.  He looks hot and it’s unfair and Albert’s never been ashamed of his sexuality, but right now he’s wishing that he could reign in his gay ass a little bit because aside from the fact that Higgins is a bit of a prick, he’s also a suspect and that’s, like, number one in the Book of Nope for cops of any kind.

Higgins is still looking at him, but now there’s a small crease of concern between his eyebrows, “You alright, man?” He asks, “You look kinda like you’re having a heart attack.  Do you have any chest pain?  Your left arm feel numb at all?”

Albert shakes himself, morphing his expression into something he hopes looks less like Gay Panic, “Yeah, sorry, I-” He splutters a bit, then shuts his mouth with a click.  

Higgins scoffs, “I just need milk, man, you mind?”

Albert starts, hastily stepping out from where he was definitely blocking the milk selection and watching as Race grabs a carton of-- fucking 2%.  How did he find it so fast?  How did Albert not see it?  He’s supposed to be the one trained to look for details others don’t see!

Trying not to flush, Albert reaches out and grabs a carton as well and Higgins looks at him again, laughing, “You were standing here for a long time, dude, I thought you were gonna murder the milk for a second.”

“Couldn’t find the 2%.” Albert mumbles, blushing harder when Higgins laughs louder.

“Real good reconnaissance there, detective.”

When Higgins is laughing, his face changes into something a whole lot more pleasant.  Not that it was ever unpleasant (the dude’s got a jawline of a god), but some of the hardness in his eyes and shadows on his face go away and for just a second, he looks like the 25 year old he’s supposed to be.  It’s nice, Albert thinks, ignoring the way alarm bells are going off in his head.

“Shut up, Higgins, I’m tired.  Some of us have to read about murders all day, so excuse me if my milk finding skills aren’t the most refined.”

Higgins’ face softens and the smile in his eyes turns into something else that Albert doesn’t want to dissect, “Race.”

“What?”

“Higgins is my dad, not me.  And I don’t like the name Antonio very much, so if we’re gonna be talking more, be it over murder or milk, call me Race.”

“Race?”

Higgins--Race--winks, “That’s a story for level five amici.”

“Oh, okay.”

They pause for a moment and even though Albert’s not drunk, his inhibitions seem to flutter away from him against his will as he blurts out, “Drinks sometime? Would- uh- would you wanna get drinks sometime?”

And fuck-fuck- SHIT- what are you doing Dasilva? What the fuck?

Race considers him for a moment, “Not that I wouldn’t hit that,” he nods to Albert’s body and Albert flushes.  Damnit with the flushing!  He’s 26, not some flouncy high schooler, “But I don’t think that’s a good idea, detective.”

Albert nods, “No, yeah, honestly I don’t know why I asked- uh-”

“Relax, don’t have an aneurysm, it’s okay.  I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“No no, you’re right.  Absolutely.”

There’s another pause, then Race smiles apologetically, “I gotta go get the rest of my groceries.  Take care.”

Albert cringes internally at how fucking painfully awkward this exchange has been, “You too,” he says, watching Race retreat to the wine aisle.  He takes another moment to gather himself, then goes to the checkout line.

XXX

Albert turns up the volume on his TV, pleased with the quiet solitude of his apartment for the night.  He doesn’t love living alone, but it’s been a long couple days and he’s been looking forward to a night to himself since he’d woken up that morning.  Just him, some thai, and the Animal Planet playing reruns of ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ all night.  Fucking self care.

He’s just yelling at some dog owner on the TV for feeding his pug 24 eggs a day and watching as Victoria Stilwell chews out the greasy fucker when his phone rings on the coffee table in front of him. 

Groaning, Albert mutes the show and chugs down a few sips of beer, before picking up the phone and answering with an annoyed, “Someone better be dying.”

There’s silence on the other end and Albert pulls the phone away from his ear to check the caller ID.  It’s Spot.  Shit, someone might actually be dying.”

“Spot?  Everything okay?”

Spot sounds sheepish when he says, “Well no one’s dying, technically…”

“But…”

“There was another murder.”

“Shit.”

-

Race went straight home after the bodega, right? RIGHT!??!? stay tuned ;)

thanks saph for ‘pop spotcket’

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[azrcxlfatale]

under the cut you’ll find saint’s intro, its just a brief run down for now until i get bio pages up but it should help get a sense of the boyo all the same !! he is gentle and friend shaped is all i can say ajjdfg. THIS HAS NOW BEEN UPDATED WITH LIKE FIVE EXTRA LIL MORE CURRENT HEADCANONS! [ they r just like for his own growth nothing major has happened with saint and he’s still fundamentally the same as he was bc he’s always been a more laidback and less tragic muse but feel free to read em bc they do help contextualise how he’ll be career wise and with grandmami] : 

   CHWE SAINT: 

so for the best part of his life saint was raised with his ‘grandmami’ as he terms her, but she’s better known to the whole island as ajumma solmi. for this reason he’s very doting toward her and a real grandma’s boy. he bakes with her often and they can often be found on street corners selling cheap priced but some of the finest flowers to the citizens because it’s grandmami’s tradition and its mostly done in hope to uplift the islanders and bring joy to their day in a small way and act of love. 

when i say doting i mean doTInG, he will help her in and out of chairs, help her cross streets, hold the groceries for her as she crosses, open doors for her even if grandmami insists he stops fussing because ffs saint ur making me look ancient and i’ll have u know i am still fighting fit and could knock any idiot on his ass with a fliCk of my finger. ajdhf. she is v fiery, if saint is like the picture of elegance and good manners then grandmami is the sTARK contrast. she has one hell of a potty mouth and just a no time for ur shit attitude. if anything saint is keeping her in line, not the other way around. 

his quirk is warp gate. he rlly just uses it to entertain himself mostly and help give his pals quick escapes when a prank of some sort has gone wrong. he can basically create portals out of a dark fog which can either be emitted through his breath or openings at the end of his fingers which he can activate, anyone can also use his portals to travel so long as he’s given them permission.

he just exudes sunshine rlly. is well known round the island for his out of this world smile which has been known to charm many. he is a very eligible and sought after bachelor but saint is like...not interested mostly bc he just like has no romantic awareness ahdhfhf not bc he doesn’t want it. and also bc he doesn’t like the way it’s mostly super young girls and guys just like awestruck by him. it feels a little too much like he’s a collective childhood crush by his groupies so yeah he is OBLIVIOUS. 

very humble and incredibly polite. just really down to earth whenever spoken to but being raised by an elderly person kinda makes u a little outdated, for this reason saint is kind of demure and bad at conversation mostly due to the fact he can easily talk for hours about his plans for baking with grandmami later, the book he read her this morning, the lovely walk they took in that gorgeous spot which he rlly recommends etc but he is god awful at talking about like typical young people stuff. 

lot of ppl think he plays hard to get, this is not true, saint just fr does not know how to fuckin speak and is the most oblivious person in the world to how to flirt, he’s easily flustered but bad at knowing when he’s being flirted with or if this person is just rlly nice and is usually too shy and respectful to rlly push luck by flirting in response hfhfjkg. USELESS. 

very 70′s/80′s aesthetic bby boy, sweet summer child. he is obsessed with old classic black and white films, had a collection before he moved to the island which he misses like everyday but luckily he has memorised ten million quotes. also collected records. obsessed with anything retro, is a collector of gaming merch. but he didn’t get to sneak much to the island :-( the only thing he rlly snuck was a small record stash. liked roller skating, bowling, drive in movies. dresses very retro but refined and classy with lots of layering. rlly good knowledge of classic literature. 

most likely to find him at the arcade in the funzone now on the island, he is a master at all the games but esp the old retro ones, usually goes early morning or late evening so he can spend hours uninterrupted on them and beat his high score everyday a bit more. if not there then he’ll be at zen’s computer gaming instead. he likes all tech really but prefers retro, he’s still figuring out modern. before coming to the island he was rlly getting into VR. if he’s not in either of these places, he’ll be on the beach in a volleyball match or doing a jog. still v much into his sports. 

ultimate sike power cause people think he looks like ur typical jock fuckboy but jokes on u he is pure of heart and dumb of ass himbo just blessed with ethereal looks, he is the breed of good lil boyo and that is all. 

obsessed with milkshakes and popcorn at the diners if he’s ever there u can guarantee that is what he is snacking on or treating himself to. his weakness is churros he fucken thinks that shit SLAPS. he’ll do anything if the prize is churros.  sMH someone help his diet. also loves fiddling with the jukeboxes there ajdjd. 

has two pet geckos one is peach colored and called zelda, the other is black and white leopard spotted and named zeus and he also has a chonk of a fluffy grumpy white cat called yoshi. he is the best. saint is a huge animal lover but probably still not on nyx’s level of dog worshipper. 

weeb. not as big of a one as nyx but he likes haikyuu, kuroko no basket, given, fruits basket, free! and yuri! on ice. he is very into anything that is slice of life or sports anime. 

has the nickname ‘koda’ bc of the movie brother bear, nicknamed after the lil baby bear cause he just reminds people of a baby bear ahdhd. 

he studies art, spends half his life in the studio working, big art nerd. once he gets in the work mode, he just does not stop for anything but water and snacks and goes at it all day into half the night. usually does big projects bc he loves a challenge. mostly paints, sometimes sketches. u know those vids of people mixing paint colors like a swatch of gold and turquoise? saint fuckin loves those so bad unf he does that all the time to calm himself. 

still lives with grandmami currently, he’s looking at getting his own place bc everyone tells him if he ever wants to have his own life then he needs to but he’s just v anxious about leaving grandmami on her own bc she getting older by the day and she’s all he has sO she cannot get hurt!! 

also in a bit of a dilemma with his art bc he kinda wants to make something out of it, like maybe teach some classes sort of thing and use it more as a career but right now he does not have the confidence in his ability and is mostly just doing it for fun and as a calming thing ( he’s an idiot he’s rlly fucken good pls someone make him take himself seriously )

never cusses but does say bitchin a lot, only ever uses fuck in bed basically so if u ever hear him say it then u know something next level has gone down bc saint refuses to swear even if he stubbed his pinky toe.

looks like a cinnamon roll but HE FUCKS!! boy is a kinky freak however saint has no shame or embarrassment like he will discuss it as casually as a discussion of what to have for dinner not bc he is like lewd but purely bc to him its rlly natural and like another form of art and he does not get the embarrassment or secret nature of it all like it is just factual to him that we come into the world like that and ppl enjoy it sometimes ajsj. 

gardening enthusiast!! has a fascination with studying plants and insects tbfh. still uses 70′s and 80′s kewl kid slang like unironically someone help him pls. sjjdjf. cute bonus fact: has freckles all over his shoulders and down his back. UWU. 

COUPLE OF CONNECTION IDEAS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD??: 

i would love for him to have a muse for art and/or to be someone’s muse. also and maybe interchangeably someone to kinda be his art mentor and be like saint u could pursue this fr if thats ur dream, then do it pls share this talent dont let ART DIE!!

someone he does gardening and insect studies with who gets his nerdy enthusiasm over it. 

a regular who gets flowers from him and grandmami, maybe he makes a special bouquet for them every day which always has a different meaning in the flower language bc he is soft like that ajjfl

someone who he can take on loads of cute lil platonic diner dinner dates bc he is a huge foodie as we can tell. this one is super fun like I imagine they scam tf outta restaurants that are over priced and for the elite by being like we all kno married couples or people getting engaged, celebrating anniversaries etc tend to get better deals on their meals. so he’s essentially doing this one bc he likes ur muses company and enthusiasm for food but also bc it means cheaper high quality meals for both and a guaranteed good time.

someone to nerd out with him over classic literature or films bc that would be hella cute

maybe someone who is also close with his grandmami and rlly loves spending time with her as well so he kinda trusts them to take care of her and trusts their judgement when they r like saint chill let the lady live okay go and do ur own shit akskf

he usually jogs alone but it would be cool for him to have someone to do that with and like table-tennis and shiz cause he just loves fitness activities and active leisure stuff too. 

maybe someone who is tryna teach him a little more about how to uH TALK LIKE SOMEONE HIS DAMN AGE AND STOP BEING SOME RETRO MAN STUCK IN MODERN TIMES AJDJD

UPDATES:

so a lot about saint hasn’t overly changed because like he just is and has always been a very wholesome laidback boyo but just a few bits of like additional info for his personal growth can be added:

he’s owner and manager of the florist now, grandmami is also there most of the time and handles a lot of stuff when she’s feeling up to it but with her getting more tired more easily from her illness saint needs to head everything really.

he grew up in a neighbourhood on hosu which like consisted of his entire street pretty much being full of his aunts and uncles so now like it’s a street just littered with all his tiny cousins who like to follow him about everywhere and play ball games etc on the street with him and kinda take it over shs. you can hear their joyful playing from like streets over it’s very cute.

his mother gave him up when she realised she was pregnant with him and too young to raise him and that it would hinder her from pursuing the life she wanted with his father. saint doesn’t hold any resentment for her choice, it only bothers him that his grandma has always had a serious illness since the early days of talks of her having no choice but to take him on and that despite this his mother allowed him to be left to her care and another burden on her when she was already so ill.

grandmami is now at a point where she’s hanging in there but she won’t have long left and saint is essentially now her live in carer till her final days which is hard af for him but he refuses to let it show. he’s not sure how he’ll function when he loses her. right now he’s trying to extend the florist business into a wellness one as well and more of an apothecary so he can keep himself stable and busy.

this is more just a cute fun fact but he’s a Christmas Eve baby. uwu lil boyo was born on the night before Christmas bc of course he was sdjdj.

[j4nn4s]

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3 1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?

hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it’s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)

2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?

tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO

3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?

ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons 

4. Your least favourite part of every season?

season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild

season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??

season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin

season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me

5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?

tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)

6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?

OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste

7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?

OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??

8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?

IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season 

but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok 

personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)

also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too

PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj

9. What did you learn from the show?

omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)

10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?

omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom

11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?

tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it

Questions:

1. Favorite quote of the show?

2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?

3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?

4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?

5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?

6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?

7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?

8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?

9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?

10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)

11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?

I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme

(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[allenmendezsr]

Guide To Sanding And Refinishing Wood Floors

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/guide-to-sanding-and-refinishing-wood-floors/

Guide To Sanding And Refinishing Wood Floors

 Buy Now

    Do You Want Your Friends GUSHING Over Your Stunning Refinished Wooden Floors, Without Spending A Fortune On A Professional?

As a homeowner faced with the task of bringing your wood floors back to life, it can be a very difficult decision whether or not fork out the money and hire a professional or roll up your sleeves and DO IT YOURSELF!

Is it going to look good enough when you’re done?

How can you be certain that you aren’t going to ruin your floors and end up REPLACING THE WHOLE LOT?

The decision can paralyze you!

Don’t Make The Mistake So Many Others Make!

Unfortunately, looking to the internet to get handy tips and tricks may lead you down the wrong path. It can very easily lead you to waste time and money or even cause you to give up in frustration.

I cannot tell you how many websites I have found giving inaccurate or outright destructive information. It is incredible how many people sand their floor once, then write a “How-To,” claiming to be a guru.

While their before and after photos look terrible.

Being a floor sanding professional can easily lead you to believe that floor sanding shouldn’t be undertaken by amateurs. And believe me, most professional floor refinishers are not shy in saying it! But they really do believe that, and so did I.

I have seen floors sanded by amateurs many, many times. Let me tell you, I have seen some horrific work.

Just over 2 years ago, I had a friend that wanted to sand his own floors. He was a long distance from me so, lending a hand was out of the question. I spoke with him for no more than 30 mins on the phone, I told him what machines to hire, what to look for while doing the job and methods of using the tools.

A week later he sent me photographs of his floor and I was shocked!

I never had any faith that amateurs could do a good job, but what I eventually found, is that after giving people advice on the task of floor sanding, for a mere 30 minutes, gave them

ALL THE INFORMATION NEEDED…

…to do an absolutely fantastic job, by anyones standards.

You can quite easily tell the difference between those who were in-the-know and those who weren’t. Unfortunately you can only tell this after the fact.

Pareto’s Principle states that roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. I can verify, that rule remains true here.

Just that slight boost in knowledge, can lead to dramatic differences in the quality of the finish.

You see, resanding and refinishing isn’t just about improving the floor. It’s about changing one’s entire house, an ascension on the family lifestyle ladder.

As home improvements go, refinished floors make that big impact like nothing else. They’re unparalleled as an upgrade.

Hiring A Pro May Not Guarantee You A Good Finish!

I have seen some of my competitors consistently produce worse work than any DIY job I have seen. Luckily very few pro’s are like this, but how can you know whether the guy you’re hiring is the right one?

Did you know that resanding creates more attractive hardwood floors than new installations could ever hope to achieve?

I should know, I did both types of jobs for 10 years. Though more than 95% were resands and refinishes, because it was so much more sensible for the homeowner.

Given time to settle, older wood just looks better after being sanded, smoothed, and finished with a nice coat of lacquer. These days the flooring you buy comes from fast-grow farms where nature doesn’t have the time to produce the stunning grains you find with older flooring.

In terms of quality, hardness, and durability, older wood also has the upper hand. The difference comes down to how the trees were grown. Back when we still had substantial forest land, wood mills would chop down 80-year-old trees that were slow grown, and had a durability to them that you don’t see anymore.

Nowadays those same wood-harvested trees are grown through genetically modified seeds, taking years instead of decades to reach maturity. That fast growth speed shows in the lackluster wood that they produce.

You Don’t Have To Pay Thousands Of Dollars For Such A Quick, Simple, Easy DIY Job

Yes, when you’re replacing the plumbing and electrics, best to call an expert.

But your floors? This isn’t rocket science my friend!

With just a couple hundred dollars for equipment rental, more for the materials, and an honest desire to do something meaningful with your hands, I guarantee you could do this job better than any expert. It’s your home, and no one cares about your house as much as you do.

Frankly when you’re paying a fixed-price job, people want to get it done quick and get paid. Not an issue at all when you do it yourself.

Average job price my crew charged? $4,500 for a resand/refinish.

And even that looks cheap compared to the $12,000 average my installer buddy charged for fresh installs.

These figures assume your run-of-the-mill, three bedroom, two bath house. Expect to pay proportionally more for extra rooms.

This is exactly why you don’t see real estate agents recommending upgrading the floors prior to a sale – it’s so darn expensive it’s not worth it! But when you do it yourself, all that extra cash go straight into your pocket.

Even if you don’t sell, the cash is still accessible to you. Next time you’re looking to refinance some money, your appraiser is going to give you a higher price for the upgrade due to the improvement.

The Step By Step Floor Sanding Process For EVERYONE

In my low-cost guide, I’m going to walk you through the entire process of sanding a floor. We go from the very basics prep stages all the way to putting the finishing touches on the floor to give it that extra “wow” factor that woos guests and family members alike.

In the sanding section of my guide, you’re going to learn the basics of how to use a good-quality floor sander. No, you don’t need to buy one, they can be cheaply rented at any local hardware store that does rentals. You can call in advance to find them, they’re everywhere.

Once you’ve gotten the heavy duty sanding work out of the way, I’ll show you how to fill all the gaps before moving on to finishing sanding, which will prime the floor for a beautiful coat of lacquer.

Lacquering is what gives the traditional wooden floor a modern upscale look. And to go one step further, I’m going to teach you some other techniques that involve staining and even colored finishes to really take your floor to the next level. Wives especially tend to love this step because of the vast array of look and style options available for them to choose (hopefully with your input as well!).

No matter what type of wooden floor you have, my guide covers it. There’s many types of woods out there, and they absolutely do need to be treated slightly differently. You’re going to get that information when you pick up my guide.

  What others are saying…  

BUY TODAY and You Get The New Video Course Absolutely Free! (est. Value $200!)

  I am proud to anounce that I have finally, finally, FINALLY produced a video course. I have to admit I did get some emails, telling me that I should do a video course, because people dont want to read about floor sanding they want to watch it! Of course they do.. So I decided to rent a cabin in a farm, and lay a reclaimed oak floor, the roughest of which I have ever seen to be honest, cost me a lot of money too. I rented the sanding machines and I did as a DIY’er at home would do it. The rental place was even limited on abrasives, so I had to find work arounds which I explain in the videos. The videos include…

Complete Sanding and Refinishing Video Course

2 Hours, 12 Minutes and 3 Seconds of Video Content

Demonstration Using Rental Tools

In Depth Discussion on Tips and Tricks

Water Popping

Staining

Criss Cross Sanding Method Demonstrated

In depth filling knowledge and demonstration

Tack Mopping

Dealing With Very Uneven Floors

And as always, my bullet proof 100% Money Back Guarantee

Pick Up “The Complete Guide to Sanding and Refinishing Wooden Floors” For Our Pre-Licensing Price And Save A Bundle

So What’s It Worth?

I have taken 2 courses with the major manufacturers in the industry.

The first, a floor sanding course which was just 2 of us and the teacher, was $1000

And the finishing (lacquering) course in which I was in a room of 30 people, that was $200

These courses were being taught by people who rarely (if ever) actually sand floors themselves.

They have advice that sounds nice and easy, but they don’t encounter the problems that

professional floor refinishers like me encounter every day.

So how much do I charge for giving away my craft… My Trade Secrets?

This eBook is normally valued at $97 . Which I think you will agree is incredible value, for all the benefits you’ll receive. A perfectly smooth, flat finish, a pocket full of cash and most of all, astonished friends and family.

It also covers every kind of finish there is, like hardwax oils, polyurethane and more. Like I said before the book is normally $97…. And if I were to sell all of this information separately, at an in-person event, I could charge $1200+ (which I am currently looking into doing)

Considering I actually do this every day (and thus, know what I am talking about), I could charge a lot more! You can make a lot of money sanding and refinishing floors… and $2500 is reasonable to buy your way into a new career!

However for the time being there is no in-person course and you don’t have to pay $2500 to get everything you need to know on floor sanding, and you’re not going to pay $1200…

You are not going to pay $299 which is what I was originally going to sell this course for. In fact, by ordering today exclusively from this page you’re not even going to pay the normal price of $97…

To benefit from my 10 years of knowledge you only pay:

Discounted price offer ends in…

Your home will stand out in the neighborhood, with quality floors that would’ve cost over $4,000 from a professional refinisher. And let’s not even talk about the huge savings against a new install…

It’s an investment. You’re going to raise the value of your home in a big way. Not by throwing money at it, but by putting some good old-fashioned work into it!

Save $50-$100 right from the get-go. Most people who start a resanding/refinishing job don’t have a plan in place before they put down good money to rent the equipment. It’s no surprise they spent more in rental fees than they need to. Use the carefully laid out action plan in my guide to shave a day or two off your project, and save yourself the cost of my book several times over! Or your money back!!

Click here to buy “The Complete Guide to Sanding and Refinishing Wooden Floors” right now, and breathe new life into your floors:

100% Moneyback Guarantee

I’ve been in this business for a long time and know what makes people fall in love with their new floors. As my promise to you, my guide will teach you the same techniques I’ve used to help you achieve those same stunning results in your own home while saving money.

My Triple Moneyback Guarantee: Please accept my 100% moneyback guarantee as good faith that I stand behind my word.

If I fail to deliver on this promises of an excellent floor for your home AND saving time and money.

If you don’t like the layout of the book

Even if you just don’t like my accent! Get in contact to request your money back in full – no questions asked.

PS: A note from the owner

As a professional floor refinisher for almost a decade, I can tell you that new homeowners are always wowed by the end result of a resanded and refinished floor. Admittedly they were less impressed by my bill, but us floor refinishers have to make money, and we sure charge for it!

On the other hand, you can save yourself over $4,000 (on average) and have a great home improvement project on your hands with this easy-to-follow $37 book. If you been thinking about it, give it a try. You got nothing to lose, and a beautiful new polished wood floor to enjoy!

PPS: The cost of an extra day’s rental equipment will run you $50 to $100 per day. My comprehensive resanding/refinishing guide easily helps you shave 1 to 2 days or more off your sanding project. That means you’ll save money and get a better outcome in the process – a total no-brainer. Do your project the smart way — pick up my guide today to learn how!

Cheers to your beautiful new floors,

Benjamin Osborne,

Professional floor refinisher

Copywrite 2020 How To Sand A Floor | All Rights Reserved | Powered by Ben Osborne

[elvesofnoldor]

kinda went off the rail yesterday and made a dragon age elf oc called Micah, who is based on gwindor and I plan this elf’s story into finley lavellan’s story arc in inquisition and now i decided that after my lavellan and dorian breaks up one year post-trespasser in this fanfic arc i planned for them, they aren’t gonna get back together by the end of the fic. instead, my lavellan is gonna keep taking a break from this relationship and im gonna leave it open like that. like, im not sure if i wanna ship my lavellan with this Micah (whom i actually really love right now), but lavellan x dorian is making less and less sense the more i think about it. And honestly, i dont think any sort of development dorian can have would change anything substantially.

i always have a rough time writing lavellan x dorian, cause the fact that dorian is tevinter, the fact that he shares kinship with slavers and slave owners is just always fucking ridiculous on its own. And given that lavellan is an elf in dragon age universe and there is this history of tevinters enslaving his ancestors and enacting literal and cultural genocide against his people, i always have a hard time justifying lavellan falling in love with dorian and im pretty sure other ppl has that problem too. Also, even though dorian is the head of his house now, we still dont know if he dismisses the goddamn slaves his parents owned, so there is also this bullshit. Then there is dorian “i almost definitely slept with elven sex slaves in the elven slums--who are either socially marginalized people forced into sex work or victims of sex trafficking” pavus talking about how slavery isn’t that bad in tevinter, and then turn around and wax poetic about how same-gender relationships aren’t meant to be about love in tevinter wah wah wah. Anybody who read the codex entry on tevinter culture in da:i knows that same-gender relationships are only frowned upon in tevinter imperium when it disrupts the cis-heterosexual political marriages between noble mage houses, same-gender sex and relationships are in fact ENCOURAGED in tevinter when it happens between slave owners and their slaves. so yeah, i said dorian has never been a fucking victim before, well, this is why. sexuality and class privilege/oppression are intertwined in real world and in fictional universes that mirrored the real world and believe or not, being the top of social hierarchy means dorian got the better end of the bargain. he said, oh, “anything between two men, it’s about pleasure”. yeah, specifically a slaver owner’s pleasure in violating and further dehumanizing a person lol!!! but sure dorian you are so fucking oppressed.  im just. i have been wary before, of dorian. because of this slavery thing, and i never really talked abt why. and im just. i am even more wary now. and i still like dorian i guess, but, lmao. i just can’t make lavellan and dorian some sort of great love story, cause it really ain’t one. lavellan fell in love with dorian cause i insisted on having romance interests in every single one of my dragon age playthroughs--especially when it’s a canon one, but honestly he really shouldn’t have. in my fic, they broke up cause  finley lavellan knew dorian used to whore around in tevinter’s elven slums/alienages, and someone lied to lavellan and said that dorian is still doing that with lavellan living at his estate, and even though lavellan knew abt the truth later, he still felt gross about sharing a bed with someone who slept with potential victims of sex trafficking, so, they are taking a break for now. it’s just bad ok, lavellan is also in the right, ok. fuck knows whats gonna happen in da4, i doubt it’d change anything--and that’s speaking on the pretence that dorian will even be involved in da4.  i have this headcanon abt lavellan crafting a pair of rings for him and dorian in his forge as their engagement rings, i will retain that headcanon about the engagement rings, but the ring might not be for dorian.  anyways this is elf oc is based on gwindor, and gwindor’s story is that he was an elven lord (presumably a noldor elf) of hidden kingdom of nagathrond, and he was a valiant and fierce warrior who literally charged inside The Devil Himself (morgoth)’s stronghold with his company after his little brother was brutally executed (god. poor gelmlir) in front of the elven host, unfortunately for him, everybody in his company is killed and he alone was captured and enslaved and forced to work in morgoth’s mine for 14 years. apparently during the 14 years, he was “mutilated”, his hair turned grey during the process, and the experience “sapped his strength” (i think it’s like, spiritual strength, cause it seems elves in tolkien universe draws strength and power of all kinds from their fea aka their spirit). he eventually escaped and he lost his hand in the process, and almost died from losing the goddamn hand, but then he got rescued by another elf. BUT this elf (beleg) got accidentally stabbed to death by his disaster of a human best friend soon after. And gwindor, who’s already dealing with a truck load of trauma himself, was kind enough to comfort and and guide this disaster human dude (who went in shock cause he can’t accept what he did with his own damn hands) and brought him to nagthrond aka his home. but when gwindor needed love and support the most from his loved ones, they all stop listening to him and he lost his previous influence on his people and nobody is there to help him through his trauma, and he ended up feeling like he’s unfit to be loved, which is bullshit. eventually this disaster human dude’s dumbass advice got him and everybody he loved killed. And i was like it’s pretty bullshit that this obviously traumatized character is ostracized from his community for being traumatized, instead of getting the love and support he deserves and i said thats bullshit because in this house traumatized people get to have live happily ever after. so my desire to make gwindor happy inspires the creation of this elf oc.  now dragon age elves can’t really be lords or ladies or prince or princess, but the keeper and the keeper’s children are usually descendants of the elven nobilities of the dales, so, that should be close enough. Also i want more dalish mage characters anyways. This elf oc is a dalish mage, his name is Micah and he’s the First of his clan, as matter of fact. I wouldn’t say he’s exactly like merrill, but he does have merrill’s hair colour (dark raven hair but his hair is long), merrill’s eyes (more hazel than just green, but yeah) and merrill’s skin tone (light/pale). he’s also the more studio type, like merrill, and has a more bubbly personality than either of my lavellans. This dalish mage used to love the fade, and he loved the ancient songs he witnessed in the fade the most. Micah also has a beautiful voice and he’s very good at singing and he always carries a little lute with him to accompany his tunes. When he’s not nose deep in tomes about spells and magical theories and ancient texts, he’s out singing in the woods with his lute--he only performs in front of his family or his closest childhood friends since he’s not a people person. While finley lavellan has this appearance of gentleness, he can be quite ruthless and cold. And lavellan is more of a natural leader type of person. Micah, on the other hand, is truly a soft and gentle soul and is really not the kind to truly be a leader of any kind. 

so what happened is that, Micah is from a clan that’s always travelling around ferelden. they settled around denerium when the fifth blight broke out (that was events of da:o), but specifically he went to the denerium alienage to trade some goods with the shop keepers at least two weeks prior to the warden’s arrival at the alienage. However, he noticed the presences of the tevinters, become worried for the alienage’s safety since he suspects these are slavers, and he’s locked in the quarantine inside because of the spread of the plague. shianni found him trying to warn the sick alienage residents and shared her concern, but at the time shianni is just suspicious and not openly oppose to the tevinters’ presences. now in da:o, im pretty sure if you are an elf warden at least, you can feign sickness and get “admitted” in, but then you’d get stripped of your belongings and had to fight 14 tevinter enemies with literally no weapon so im pretty sure you weren’t supposed to do that (i did that cause i was a dumbass). so what happens is that Micah tried doing that, he ended up fighting a dozen and more soldiers with no weapon or any sort and was quickly subdued. And he was shipped away with the rest of alienage residents before the warden ever got to confront the tevinter slavers unfortunately. he just turned 20. Then after his disappearance, shianni becomes more openly oppose to the tevinters’ presences at the alienage since she’s more convinced that something fishy is going on.   so...a tevinter magister had him....for 10 years. that guy is a blood mage and he’s also like, basically danarius. so like, a demon. Not gonna go into detail about what happened because i dont like to talk too much about actual events that caused the traumas, i just wanna talk about the recovery and dealing with the trauma. but, basically, micah revealed right away that he is a mage, hoping the status of being a mage’d get him released in tevinter but that didn’t happen and the magister kept using his blood to fuel his spells, since his blood is potent with magic. later, the magister also experimented on him with semi-refined lyrium to make his blood even more potent but the experimentation failed and permanently blinded Micah and turned his hair white and he received a long scar from the left eye that goes straight down to his lips and continues down the right half of his torso. Basically, instead of losing a hand like gwindor, Micah lost his sight. And apparently, in canon, king maric got captured by this tevinter blood mage magister dude and alistair had to go and save him or whatever but king maric was hooked to this machine and trapped in this dream-state in the fade so that the blood mage can use his blood and life force to fuel spells. so after Micah is blinded and disfigured and deemed not as “useful” as he is before, what happened to king maric sort of happened to him, but he didn’t spend long enough time hook to the machine so he isn’t gonna die once he’s unhooked from the machine. for a while, Micah doesn’t even know he was trapped in a dream, and when he realizes he’s trapped in the fade, he couldn’t get out and back into his body. Events of inquisition start to happen, this tevinter magister is obviously a venatori, and he went south after the inquisition started to fight the venatori everywhere, probably as reinforcement. he brought Micah with him. And i think my lavellan either confronted this blood mage at hissing wastes (maybe it’s the moutaintop camp? maybe it’s after you cleared out the venatori at hissing waste and he came as reinforcement?). not to digress but i’d love to fight a blood mage in inquisition but that was not meant to be, so it’s happening in this oc fanfic scenario.  Inquisitor finley lavellan had a very hard time trying to get to this guy, and know he’s a quite a powerful mage, and he is forced to retreat with his companions and inquisiton soldiers to the camp. This time lavellan decided to sneak in while his party member created a distraction outside, and once inside the camp, he discovered poor micah hooked to a machine--presumably the source of the magister’s power. pegging the machine as something that traps the elf in the fade, lavellan connects himself to the machine and went to find micah in the fade. With lavellan’s help, micah is able to break away from the eternal dream and wake up. his body is obviously frail from spending a few years immobile, so lavellan tried to sneak out with micah in his arms but they were confronted by the magister who brought numerous archers and ambushed them at the lobby (inside some mountain at hissing waste), lavellan opened one or two rifts to suck in the archers, and petrified the magister with earth magic enhanced by the anchor’s connection to the fade (the magister is immobile and his flesh is slowly hardening from the earth magic but he’s alive and acutely and painfully aware of what’s happening to his body). Micah is the one who got the tear the magister from limb to limb with his own magic and explode him into chunks of meat, avenging the abuse that’s done to him. and finley brought micah with him to skyhold and there he rests and recovers. finley,  inquisition mages (not dorian though, him being tevinter mage and a mediocre healer and all, it’s more like, vivenne and solas actually) all help to nurture him back to health. he become healthy again, even though he is still blind and his hair remains the same grey white colour and the scar that disfigured his face is unremovable. Micah unfortunately becomes afraid of the fade and hates it when he dreams, sometime he’d wake up terrified, not knowing if he wakes up from a dream or if he just drops into one. It was with finley’s help that he become more aware of what’s dream and what’s reality. while Micah’s at skyhold, micah and finley becomes good friends as finley constantly visits him and even brings him a lute after knowing micah loves to play and sings. they become close enough that micah is comfortable singing to finley. micah didn’t get involved with inquisition business while he’s recovering, however, he did discover a way to “see” with the tap of his feet and sounds bouncing off object, kinda like how toph (btw i love toph) “see” with passive earth bending. i like to think micah always favours earth magic and telekinesis and rarely uses other elemental magic. Micah ends up combining his telekinesis skills with a form of weaponizing sounds (it’s sound bending lmao) and develops something very close to the force mage specialization in da 2. aka pushing people off with force of sound, manipulating gravity. And Micah uses sound to “see”, basically. And singing evolves from a hobby to necessity, since humming/singing or playing an instrument allows him to “see”, so that he’s not trapped in an eternal darkness.  with finley’s help, micah finds his way back to his clan still wandering around ferelden and they tearfully welcomed his return after presuming him dead for years. That was like, right after the events of inquisition main game concludes. Then three years later, micah crosses finley again in tevinter out of all places. turns out that micah has seen the dread wolf/solas in the fade and he was offered to join him but micah is loyal to finley and did not answer. More importantly, ever since micah is back, he hate it that everybody pities him. even though his clan loves him still, they treat him like a broken fragile thing who can’t take care of himself. And micah, is able to walk around and goes about his daily business as anybody who has their sights, is sick of people pitying him. The fact that he is no longer the First as he is seen incapable of becoming the keeper angers him (and micah is almost never angry), so he willingly left the clan and started his own journey to find out more about the dread wolf and that journey allows him to cross path with finley again. when micah met finley again, finley has already break up with dorian and now lived in the cottage he built somewhere in the woods at the outskirt of some city. There, they both devised the plan to venture out to ruins of Arlathan as companions to find out the truth about the blight and solas’ plan/stopping solas. 

[the-reactionist]

Ehmo /the person that i LOVE

finally, this post is about the boy that drives me crazy and i want him to be with me and have a child together; everything at a time, ofcourse

he is constantlyd epressed and suicidal because he ahs been enetering some devastatign relationships where he had been abused and used by girls, instead of ourished and supported; i guess he has the scapegoat program withi himself too’ nobody else could do anythign so foolish;

but he is the kidest person i have met - from the hert, not in words merely, like me; he is genuinely feelign for people’s sorrows and is holdig spce fr them; i was one of the many he has held space for

i want you to help me, to book a session about him, to delve into him spiritually - i want you to look at his profile and pictures and see his soul;  he is 1/4 irish so you may enjoy him, i believe :)

http://www.facebook.com/emanuil.spasov

i know that by doing that , you will be helpful to resolving his /our problems - i don’t understand him but i want him 1. to tay alive 2. to be free to do what he likes, and make mistakes 3. to be with him and never own him for a second 4. to have child with him while eltting him be a child and free to explore life as he pleases throughout our stay o earth together

*im putting that info only for you to see him, i feel its super personal and dont wanna share any of it like that carelessly; this is him; gh, i like him... -_-

this is my desires, we will see how much fo it will come into fruition ; i have to be deserving of this blissfulness; so i try to better myself and better my love for what i love - refining myself - so i am writig to you, drawing your attention directly to what i hve a problem with you about; in hope you ca expand even more and become much more multi-layered and a master of the physical plain; tahnkyou

https://my-crazy-self-notes.tumblr.com/archive

this is my blog about him, my frustrations and my desires for him; i like exploring my passion and subconsciousness in the form of creativity to be prepared to avoid turmoil in the reality of a relationship if ever it comes into reality, as i wish <3 it helps me understand a wild and uncontrollable desire and atrraction i have towards him and i have become more accustomed to the torrent nd sheer power fo that emotions flow whenever it comes to him; it is a valuable tool; namaste

the more i write in my heart’s eagerness for change - i think it’s YOUR eagerness because i am much moodier usually, sorry; the more i delveinto it, i get a stronger sene that all is good and will be well and i need to hold space and give time for stuff to occur

that is the hardest thign ever since i enetered the new energy [for me] that i associate with you - it IS catalystic and explosive, it get things done, and it is liek the swig of the sword of a samurai;

but only death is that fast. nobody reallyw ats to live in such a way and get burned out too soon;

peple who are in their bodies ad peacefully, want to live long lives full fo wonder 0 both hard and pelasant stuff; and they learn and grow through making time -not by cutting the belly and then beheading with a single swing of a katana; i really like you

but, as emanuil begged me, i plead you to give us time as well; we need catalystiic effect, but we need time to process stuff aswell;with the utmost kindness, he sked me for time, and i am asking you, too [taht’ why i sent you his profile - what i do when i have too much energy is go to strangers , read intotheir problems, and reach out to them; i get a lot from it - some help me, some abuse me; but i learn;and i met emanuil and his father that way - through facebook stalking and wandering; im sending you his profile to see into problems another human beig is having; im booking a session fr him without him, because he has issues which are universal somehow; i want to hear your teachigs and for them to be even more relevant to me; taht is why we meet other people - to help each other grow; taht is why you met me and i met you too; let’s help each other ; the tao te ching said the sinner/bad person is the master’s job; so the more prople you get t know, the more realistic your teachign will be; taht’s why i need you to get to know me and my life, nd his, because we are people who seek , provoke and like change and growth, even though it is scary and painful most of the time; if it don’t kill us, we become masters; win win; we gain either way; taht is how me and him are built in our subcnsciousness/minds]

#kindly #please

that is why i liek him; he seems a match - somebody who is vulnerable yet strong enough to be independent and thus able for bearing children with

besides he has spoken about marriadge as a sacred union and about responsibility as parents,a nd he is a grunge dude, aint nothig spiritual about him generally; he is nto into taht - he is fully immersed in the 3d reality and is present; taht is why he is most helpful, because he is real, and not a metaphor

i have pushed him away with my blabber and insecurity, and with the insecurity my hiding behind spiritual stuff demonstrates - this is not genuine and it is not powerful and it is not real; it is complete shadow; life is spiritual in itself, as the buddhist monk ikkyu proclaimed; so being ordinary is more helpful than burnign insence because you are like other people yet you aren’t - you are helping them

this is a critique i have for teal swan as a spiritual teacher because this distancing from the students by becoming a glorious master, is preventing us from receiving the knowledge completely

the way of the tibetan masters is to open the heart and then act according to it - the film crazy wisdom tells one particularly good suck story

sorry teal i ahve critique for you but i need you to support me and others who are seeking light and harmony with your power by integratign into our realities nd becoming more emodied and more human, more physical; you hve said that you wat very severely to escape from your body and your out-of-body experiences are the only times you feel fine and yourself; but this can be the otehr way around

let me be rooting for you to enable you to fall in love with your earthly existence and shed off fear of being hurt or abused physically and tortured mentallya nd emotionally;

i want to see you and embrace you in my capacity - i come from bulgaria which is a place renowned with its spirituality as a powerful energetic center; but the most peculiar thing is that it’s a place where inner children thrive and are constantly resurrected after abuse and attacks of indescribable proportions; so i want you to come here ad heal; the place, the nature, the people - hold space for that;

i want you to hold workshops here and i want to help organzie them, but i don’t know where to begin and what exactly to do; but i want you to help people here so taht we can help you ine xchange; we have a lot to offer; we are strong as fuck, im speaking seriouslly; we are always optimists, even in the darkest times, because we have that seed of self-love and belief/trust within us; it’s our iinnate nature, nothing i can actually grasp logiclly/with my mind;

i dont care what will happen, i have wanted to say this for years; let our grandmotherly love satisfy your personal needs and help us become more modern and light, as your energy is, ebcause we, in turn can make great use of that! PLEASE, Come to BULGARIA

[therealestatesparkblog]

How to Hire Amazing Team Members for Every Real Estate Process--From Finding Deals to Renting Them Out

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships. Michael Jordan I know that building the right team is a very popular topic in business circles and here on BiggerPockets. Actually, when I typed the word team in the BiggerPockets search bar, here were the results: I am sure you would agree that is a lot of search results! And quite honestly, it should be a popular topic. Without a great team, you can only get so far in this business. The interesting fact about building a team is that it is something you WILL always need as long as you are in this businessor any other for that matter. It is not something you outgrow. It is not something you need when you begin and something you dont need when you get more experienced. Wherever you are in your business, you need a strong and effective team. The other important point to note is that your team will change and evolve. People will come, and people will go. As you grow and evolve, you will outgrow certain team members. As you continue to grow and evolve, so should your relationships and team members. But before you seek out a team, there are a couple of steps I highly recommend. Action Steps Before Finding Team Members#1: Get crystal clear on your real estate investing niche, strategy, and goals FIRST. Too many people jump in tothis business without a focus, plan, or goals. They go to networking events, share with people that they are real estate investors, and hope to find people to help them. Wrong move. It is much more effective to become clear on your investing niche, strategy, and goals before you seek out team members. For example, we currently have a few investing strategies we are focused on, one of which is buying large multifamily apartment buildings in Pennsylvania. The other key niche is buying small multifamily properties in our current market, which is Trenton, N.J. I share this with you so it will encourage you to think everything through before beginning. What is your niche? What are your goals? And then what is your strategy/process to achieve these goals? #2: Once your plan, strategy, and goals are in place, ask yourself (and answer) the following questions.What team members do I need for every step of my real estate strategy/process?Where can I find these people?Who do I already know who might have some recommendations? Once you have recommendations, do not drop the ball on cultivating these relationships. As a case study, I thought it would be helpful to share who we use as our team members for each stage of the above strategy I shared. Hope this helps you with your own team building! Who Youll Need for Every Investing Step#1: Find/Evaluate Property Finding Property: Wholesalers, attorneys, birddogs, real estate agentsany and all people in your network. The key is to share your goals and what type of deals you are looking for with everyone you know. You have to make sure you are top of mind for people! Title Company: Having a responsive title company (who you give repeat business to) is imperative. This becomes even more important if you decide to buy property at auctions! Local Municipality Representative: Something new investors forget to do is check if a property that they are considering purchasing is a legal multifamily. Before we purchase any multifamily in our trading area, we typically call the city inspector and ask them to verify that the address we are considering is, in fact, a legal multifamily. It is not the end of the world if it is not, but it certainly will take more time to make it one.

#2: Purchase Property Attorney: We have attorneys who helps us put together funds where we raise money from investors to purchase buy and hold properties. We have an attorney who helps with contracts and one who helps with evictions. It is helpful to have different attorneys who specialize in various areas. Due Diligence:This is a huge part of the purchasing stage (i.e. when you have the property under contract). This is when you conduct due diligence on the building, from the roof to the major building appliances to the actual apartments/units themselves. It is helpful to have a contractor or someone who knows buildings well on your team to help during this stage. Due diligence also means collecting data from the current owner (i.e. tax records, maintenance numbers, utility numbers, etc.). You could have someone on your team to help collect these items. If you are not a detail person, get someone who is to help drive this process! Related: The 6 Things You NEED to Train Your Real Estate Team Successfully Funding Source: Whether it be your own money, private money, institutional money, or hard money, every investor needs to get their funding in place. There are a ton of articles written on this topic. Always be on the lookout for new funding sources. The key is to have options and not feel stuck! #3: Renovate Property Contractors: We have had our own in-house construction staff renovating properties, and we have also had sub-contractors renovating our properties over the years. There are pluses and minuses to both. We are currently using the model of hiring sub-contractors for renovating our properties. Regardless of the avenue you choose, you must have a written scope of work for each phase of the project, and you need to closely monitor and manage progress. We have two major renovation projects going on that are mixed-use buildings around 4,000 square feet. However, both are on the same block as our office building. My husband Matt stops in once a day to see how things are going. The key is to manage to a defined timeline and budget! Inspectors: Most of the properties we purchase always need a ton of work. Therefore, before we can lease the property, we must get a certificate of occupancy. While you cant have your own inspectors on your team, you could certainly get to know and build a relationship with the local inspectors so that you begin to understand what they are looking for during an inspection. I am not going to sugarcoat this one; it can be a very frustrating process. What one inspector sees as a violation is not always what another inspector sees as a violation. The key with this process is to stay in communication with them, and dont talk to them only when you need somethingbuild a relationship with them.

#4: Lease Property Property Manager & Leasing Agent: Once the property gets the C of O, our property manager gives the OK to our leasing agent to begin marketing the property. The leasing agent then acts as the point person to get our units filled. Our property manager then steps in once we get applications. Based on our criteria, the applicant is accepted or denied. Our property manager steps back into the process to on-board them (lease signing, etc.). The key to this stage of the process is to have our property manager and leasing agent in strong communication. They work hand in hand during this process, so strong communication is imperative. #5: Refinance/Hold/Manage Property This one is fairly self-explanatory, but this is where you are managing the property efficiently and effectively. The most important decision to make before you determine the right team members is to figure out if you are self-managing the property or outsourcing to a third party property management company. For the majority of our portfolio, our team manages the properties. We have a bookkeeper who handles all of our accounts payables, receivables, rent collection, etc. We have a property manager whohandles all lease renewals, move out, maintenance issues, etc. Additional team members for this process include: BankerBookkeeperAccountantMaintenance Person/HandymanProperty ManagerKey Sub-contractors: Some of the key ones we have include pest control, plumber, electrician, carpeting, used appliance companyThird-Party Property Management Company#6: Market/Sell Property As I shared earlier, one of thestrategies wereramping up is the ability to sell renovated/leased property to other investors. For this stage of the process, your team members can be the same team members whohelped you find the deals in the first place. We work a lot with wholesalers. We are not interested in being wholesalers ourselves, so we prefer teaming up with great wholesalerswho can help us find deals and sell investment property to investors. Other team members for this stage can be real estate agentsand birddogs. Related: The Quick Guide to Hiring For Entrepreneurs: How to On Board Quality Team Members In summary, here are some keys to building a successful (and lasting) team: Find the best team members by getting involved in the community you are investing in.Stay in front of your team. Use technology where possiblefor example, we send out a monthly newsletter to our investors and business network. If you can do something like this, then you can stay in front of your network, so they dont forget about you.Cultivate relationships. Dont just reach out when you need something.Align with people who want to see you successful and really get the more you succeed, the more they succeed.Build relationships with strong advisors, like a mentor, business coach, and mastermind group!

Did I miss any key team members? Any questions for me about the above? If so, leave a comment below! https://www.biggerpockets.com/blog/2016/06/17/building-teamultimate-guide/

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/do-beauty-supplements-really-work/

Do Beauty Supplements Really Work?

A healthy diet can help keep your skin looking its best. Since the skin is an organ, just like your heart or liver, it’s fed by the nutrients in the foods you eat, so the more nutrients you get in your daily diet, the healthier your skin will be.

But that’s food we’re talking about. Can you get the same effect from supplements?

Many manufacturers would like you to think so. In fact, beauty supplement companies are betting their bottom lines on the hope that you will believe their products will help your skin look and feel its best.

Just in the past year, the U.S. saw a 61 percent increase in sales of beauty supplements, with $144 million in sales compared to $89 million last year. Clearly, these supplements are becoming more and more popular. Does that mean you should be using them, too?

What Are Beauty Supplements?

Beauty supplements (also called nutricosmetics) are similar to regular vitamin and mineral supplements, except they’re targeted to have a specific effect on your skin, hair, or nails. So they often contain nutrients that are linked to benefits in these areas. Vitamin A, C, and biotin, for example, are necessary for healthy skin and hair, so many beauty supplements contain them.

You may already get these vitamins in a multivitamin, but beauty supplements often contain them in higher doses than you’d get in a daily nutrient formula. They may also contain other nutrients like collagen, antioxidants, anti-inflammatories, and others that are meant to help you improve your appearance and help delay aging.

Beauty supplements may come in pill form, or in powders, drinks, or other food items.

The Problem with Vitamin Supplements in General

There are a few reasons why beauty supplements make sense. If you don’t eat a healthy diet most of the time, you may not be getting all the nutrients you need to support your skin’s health. In that case, a supplement may be helpful, but the thing is, we just aren’t sure at this point.

Take regular vitamins, for example. Many consumers bought them for decades, convinced that they would help them avoid disease and feel healthier. But recent studies have questioned whether supplements are effective.

One recent 2018 review of scientific literature published between 2012 and 2017 found that vitamin D, calcium, and vitamin C did not help in preventing cardiovascular disease, heart attack, stroke, or premature death.

“People feel better when they take supplements in the belief that taking more vitamins will improve health,” said Marion Nestle, nutrition, food studies and public health professor at New York University. “Most evidence shows that they do not.”

Johns Hopkins researchers reviewed information on supplements too, including three different studies that showed multivitamins did not help reduce risk of heart disease or cancer, mental decline, or premature death. They found that not only did multivitamins not live up to their hype, but that higher doses of some vitamins, like vitamin E and beta-carotene, could actually be harmful.

They added that there is much stronger evidence that eating a healthy diet helps prevent chronic diseases and gives you all the nutrients you need.

The same is likely true of beauty supplements.

Are Beauty Supplements Worth the Money?

Most dermatologists recommend instead that you focus on food, where the best nutrients are.

“Healthy eating habits appear to be a valuable tool to reduce the signs of skin aging as well as the management of certain skin conditions,” said board-certified dermatologist Patricia Farris, M.D., FAAD, clinical assistant professor of dermatology, Tulane University School of Medicine, New Orleans. “While the science behind nutrition, supplementation and skin is still evolving, research suggests a diet high in antioxidants and healthy fats and low in sugars, refined carbohydrates and bad fats may help the skin look younger.”

Some studies are showing that beauty supplements flat out don’t work. A review of research by scientists at the British Nutrition Foundation showed there is “very limited” evidence to support some of the ingredients used in beauty supplements. Further, they noted that while a healthy diet is required for healthy skin, beauty supplements may not add any further benefit.

Some nutrients show effects on the skin in a scientific laboratory, but so far there is no proof that they will have the same effects on real skin when taken internally. They have to go through the digestive system, where it’s unclear whether they will be absorbed well, and then get through to the skin. The body tends to shuttle nutrients to the essential organs first, like the heart and the lungs, so it’s hard to tell how much (if any) gets to the skin.

Collagen, in particular, is a protein that is broken down in the gut to smaller molecules, and so far there is little evidence that it survives digestion to travel to the skin in high enough quantities to make any meaningful change.

The jury is still out on vitamin E, too. According to a 2016 study, though it’s been linked with protecting the skin from solar radiation, evidence is lacking on whether supplements really benefit skin. Researchers wrote, “After so many years of research on vitamin E, it is still unclear as to whether millions of dollars worth of vitamin E products paid for by patients and consumers have been of any benefit.”

There is some early research that suggests that certain nutrients can have an effect on skin, but these are small studies, with some being limited to laboratory results.

Polypodium leucotomos: This is an extract of a Central American fern plant. Supplements have been shown to offer some sun protection.

Probiotics: Studies have shown they may offer some sun protection.

Omega-3 fatty acids: Some studies have shown that supplementation can reduce inflammation and may help reduce psoriasis and acne flare-ups.

CoQ10: Animal and laboratory studies suggest it may help provide antioxidant benefits in the skin.

Vitamin B3 (nicotinamide): May help reduce the risk of skin cancer.

Biotin: May help encourage strong nails.

Bottom Line

At the end of the day, we don’t have enough research yet to show that beauty supplements will make a visible difference in your skin. So far, eating a healthy diet, exercising, and using quality skin care products are the best ways to get your best skin.

If you want to try beauty supplements, they probably won’t hurt you, but if you’re combining them with other vitamins you’re taking, check with your doctor to be sure that you’re not taking too high a dose of anything. Then make sure you’re using a quality supplement from a reputable manufacturer.

Finally, take a before and after picture so you can see if the supplement is really helping or not. That can help you determine whether you should keep spending money on it, or if that money would be better spent on an anti-aging serum or quality moisturizer.

Do you use beauty supplements?

Sources AAD. (2015, February 2). Beauty from the inside out: Improving your diet or taking supplements may lead to younger-looking skin | American Academy of Dermatology. Retrieved from https://www.aad.org/media/news-releases/beauty-from-the-inside-out-improving-your-diet-or-taking-supplements-may-lead-to-younger-looking-skin

Ashida, Y., Yamanishi, H., Terada, T., Oota, N., Sekine, K., & Watabe, K. (2005). CoQ10supplementation elevates the epidermal CoQ10level in adult hairless mice. BioFactors, 25(1-4), 175-178. doi:10.1002/biof.5520250120

Beauty supplements do nothing to help your skin, according to a new study. (2018, February 13). Retrieved from https://www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/lifestyle/beauty-supplements-do-nothing-to-help-your-skin-according-to-a-new-study-827880.html

Chen, A. C. (2015). A Phase 3 Randomized Trial of Nicotinamide for Skin-Cancer Chemoprevention. The New England Journal of Medicine, 2015(373), 1618-1626. doi:10.1056/NEJMoa1506197

Colombo, V. E., Gerber, F., Bronhofer, M., & Floersheim, G. L. (1990). Treatment of brittle fingernails and onychoschizia with biotin: Scanning electron microscopy. Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology, 23(6), 1127-1132. doi:10.1016/0190-9622(90)70345-i

Jenkins, D. J. (2018). Supplemental Vitamins and Minerals for CVD Prevention and Treatment. Journal of the American College of Cardiology, 71(22). Retrieved from DOI: 10.1016/j.jacc.2018.04.020

Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Is There Really Any Benefit to Multivitamins? Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_body/is-there-really-any-benefit-to-multivitamins

Keen, M. A. (2016). Vitamin E in dermatology. Indian Dermatol Online J, 7(4), 311-315. doi:10.4103/2229-5178.185494

Menayang, A. (2018, September 27). The rise of beauty supplements in the US, in charts. Retrieved from https://www.nutraingredients-usa.com/Article/2018/09/27/The-rise-of-beauty-supplements-in-the-US-in-charts

Murray, G. (2018, July 6). I Took Beauty Supplements For A Month ? Here’s What They Did For My Skin. Retrieved from https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/do-collagen-supplements-work

Salem, T. (2018, May 29). Access Denied. Retrieved from https://www.usnews.com/news/health-care-news/articles/2018-05-29/study-vitamin-supplements-dont-provide-health-benefits

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[swooncraft]

Thoughts Into a Void-Art & Depression

This is me... organizing things for myself to get back into the swing of things. It’s a little disjointed, but it.. writing things out like this, reflecting, always helps me. It’s not sad and woe is me like.

Taking any time to share a thought and having the power of the internet to spread that to numerous people is amazing.

There’s a disconnect for me somewhere along the line. The platforms I use, while some are made for stories and comics and others aren’t, there’s just something inherently frustrating about spooling out one large cohesive sum. Not just as a reader, I assure you it’s frustrating as a creator too.

When I first learned people make and share their own comics online I was floored. I’d been writing stories and making doodles with them all my life. Ten years ago I shared my first page to the internet. Here it is.

I love realism with a hint of magic or sci-fi, and maybe you can blame Temix for that, but I realized something about that single page; “Why was it only one?” I asked on the forums how people on that site go about posting to make sure people were keeping up and remembering what was happening between posts. My art was crude (for being a young self taught teen artist), but very well intended; and it took me twelve goddamn hours to complete over the course of a week.

A lot of what people said was to have a schedule, people who like your story/art will stick around and remember. I heard a few people agree that webcomics had more dedicated fans, because you posted once or twice a week they would spend a little more time looking at the available pages.

That didn’t seem.. Right to me. I did the same with real comics and manga. If I liked it, once I was done I’d look back through the art... And how could posting a page at a time be beneficial to anyone? One could show consistency and integrity in a schedule with a several page post once a month or one full chapter every several weeks. It boggled me.

I kept drawing though, because I didn’t have several pages to share at a time. I tried my best to post once a week. I worked 50 hours as a manager at the time, so the ten hours I was spending on these pages was a huge investment. After a year I burned myself out...

Part of it was that I didn’t have the artistic skill to depict the things I wanted to do in that old project. Part of it was that it was gaining steam and had something like 30 people following and anticipating it. Part of it was my lack of planning, and still being a little new to storytelling on the scale the project needed...

So, I didn’t draw for months after I hit that wall. It.. was rough. We’ve all got issues, and mine and my inability to get back on my feet back then made me very volatile to myself.

Temix had just gotten out of art school and tried convincing me to draw a bit. I doodled, because she knew how to approach me about it and make it something I couldn’t back down from.

Sooner than later I dreamt about a zombie apocalypse and Deadgirl & Sue were born. With a lot of help and shaping by Temix.

The mission was ‘fuck art, tell the story.’ And that worked fine for a few months and several pages. I didn’t set deadlines for myself, and I didn’t care when I drew two right hands...

Even though this one haunts me to this day.. Anyway, fall of 2010 became summer 2011 and I was reeling internally about this non-schedule and art and story. So I stopped again. But I didn’t kick myself too hard about it because unlike my first comic, no one was paying attention to DG&Sue.

I’d been writing a lot anyway, and was feeling really good about the growth I was making there. I’m ‘good’ at art, I’m ‘okay’ at singing, but since I floundered on story years prior I learned and felt that that was were I shined. Just putting words on a page. I still mostly agree with those sentiments. Maybe now I’m a ‘little better’ at art, and ‘decent’ at singing, but I’m still a star at storycraft.

It was 2013 when I got back on track to finish that single first chapter of DG&Sue. I’d spent the previous 8 months writing a novel. I had the premise for the story in my mind for a few years so I wrote. I learned a lot and crafted something that.. Is really rough and raw, but it’s something I’m still very proud of..

So that fall I finished the second draft, Edited it all myself (though it still probly has plenty of grammatical and spelling errors) and reread it a hundred times to make sure it was only what it needed to be... And submitted it to several agencies. While waiting for replies I finished the last handful of pages for the first chapter of DG&Sue.

it was done. Not only did I write a 65k novel, I finished a comic. It wasn’t completely over, I left it a little open in case I wanted to bring the characters back. For a while though, Juliet and Sue got to rest in peace.

Meanwhile.. Let me be honest. The agents... Who the fuck am I? I’m a hack that flails against a keyboard screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME, BUT PLEASE DONT LET ME NOTICE THAT YOU NOTICE ME SO I DONT GET OVERWHELMED.”

All of the agents rejected me.

I wasn’t expecting to wow all of them.. I thought one might want to see the whole novel and tell me it could work if I changed something major about it. But none of them-Some of them in their emails back were offended that I submitted my query to them.

That really fucked me up. See, earlier THAT year I hit rock bottom as an alcoholic. Writing that novel helped me stop drinking. And after all of the months and long nights I spent refining that story the best I could to be rejected... I couldn’t kid myself though. None of my friends would even read it. So, I reiterate; screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME, BUT PLEASE DONT LET ME NOTI-” And I felt really dry. I couldn’t just not do anything about those feeling, but I couldn’t resort to liquor and video games weren’t taking the edge off...

So, to quote a great book, “I felt like destroying something beautiful.” Created a nice new little OC... And sent her through some good old fashioned Lovecraftian horror to fucking break her the way I felt broken inside. It beats being a no life drunkard, and it’s better then shooting up a school or suicide.. The first draft was a short story outline. And I thought, ‘It might be nice to do this as a comic.. to try using.. photoshop like Temix keeps suggesting. I’ll practice colors while I destroy this poor girl. I’ll become intimate with yellows like I became intimate with tones while drawing DG&Sue. And I’ll make Lovecraft my own like I made Priest, and Way, and Palahnuik my own.’

And this release of my feelings...

I decided to do it right. It was scheduled. And made sure it had an ending I could reach. It was a shining yellow light in deep blotchy darkness, Ink was more well received then I ever imagined it would be.

So, I toyed with expanding it while it was being finished. Picked up the threads I left for DG&Sue hoping.. Thinking that if I were working on a rotating schedule, that I wouldn’t get bored, that a new thing to work on every few months would keep me challenged... That I wouldn’t get overwhelmed... and stop.

I wasn’t wrong.

I haven’t missed an update in close to three years now. Sometimes I forget to post at one place or another, but the pages are available somewhere.

Over those years I expanded to several internet mediums... Swoonsphere of course, The Duck where I first started at, DeviantArt, Imgur, Pixiv, Tapastic, and I was directed to upload on Tumblr too, even though it doesn’t lend itself to webcomics...

Between Imgur, Pixiv, and Tapastic, being the only places I do bulk page uploads, I see terrible, but consistent growth every time I post on Tapastic (the other two there’s views, but not a lot of following). Which brings me back to something someone asked me recently, and what I started this and my webcomic career with.

Why don’t I post batches on Tumblr? On most sites?

I considered it. But everything is generally bite sized and easily consumable on these types of sites. That’s why I’ve been more stressed out lately. I’m not hoping that people will follow my Tumblr, because it’s not my... place. It’s not the right platform for what I do. I can only hope that people will see a fragment of a story, or decent art, or decent colors, or interesting tags and click the links to my website where it’s easier to read. I don’t make money off of Swoonsphere, the ads on it are usually blocked or disabled anyway because there’s no traffic. So.. Is it bad practice to hope someone will open a new tab to take a closer look while they’re scrolling through their Tumblr feed?

You know? Like I said.. screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME BUT PLE-” I don’t know how to market my comics. I dont expect people to come around for my art streams, and I dont expect people to be wowed by my ‘finished’ art. I just want people to read my stories and want to know what the next step is for the characters, or tell me what they think, or ask me why things went the way they did.

Personally I think my stories are a little cheesy and tropey, but have some unique things, and if nothing else, have characters that you can root for.

But I’m tired.. And feel myself after 30 months burning out. Because like my novel no one’s actually read what I’ve done even though it’s readily available for simple viewing. If it’s something wrong with Swoonsphere, I could direct people to the Duck or Tapastic. I post everywhere, and the sum of readers after all this time is hilariously low.

I’m not stopping yet. But I am frustrated, and disheartened.