#hopefully this is not too long i am just emo right now

[literalite]

hi seph! are there any (non-spoilery) fun character facts that you weren't able to fit on the character page that you wanna share?? All your characters are so detailed, and I love all of them. (AriLuca my most beloveds, though...) OC lore (and worldbuilding lore) fuels me (it's my favorite food), so feel free to ramble as much as you want!!! Have a good day/night! <3

oh my god i did want to have a fun fact section but i decided tonally against it and also i couldnt work out where to put it soooo most of my characters have been workshopped to hell and back so im just gonna list out a bunch of stuff that didn't make it into the final iteration of them and also some other stuff

ari actually ingame wasnt an only kid, she had a twin but i used mcc to cut it down to one because firstly i was trying to stick to the challenge rules, and secondly i'd been thinking about a plot for what would eventually become dgwicf already and for some reason her being the only daughter of saige and bellona felt important? and it did end up being important so 😅 good call past me

ithaca for some reason was meant to be allergic, like, badly allergic to flowers? can't recall why i decided that but it just seemed weirdly specifically improbably (especially with how the house is decorated) so i sort of canned the idea while they were still a toddler

all of the kids' font colours being warm toned are chosen that way to directly contrast ari and luca's who are both cool toned. also in the character page itself ive made their names the colours they'll "speak in", should be easier to identify who is talking when

of the kids in internal temperament, anna is most like bellona. and idris/(redacted) will grow up to be a very. um. interesting mix of lilian and saige. make of that what you will really

THERE WAS A MOMENT IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF DGWICF that i was planning to kill iggy's dog pickle. as a plot development. as u can see i refrained from doing so im not a total monster for the narrative. that dog is gna live forever

speaking of lucari, in the au where ari doesnt sign up for the bachelorette we (me and anji) did think that theyd have found their way together eventually 🥰 they run in slightly adjacent social circles so they wouldve had repeated run ins.. just seeing each other in passing at the corner store on the street in an elevator two people in the big city crossing paths until luca asks ari for her name (she's been hoping they'd start a conversation for weeks) and it all folds out from there...

(anji @anjellies did this ages ago when we were discussing it... one of my fondest memories of lucari they r meant for each other and i stand by that 🥲)

[writer1queenjaysblog]

4 town emo au x oc of mine!

The boys are obsessed with a girl who is now their girlfriend but she doesn't know how dangerous they are.

Jada wakes up early in the morning 6:35 am she was in her boyfriend Jesse's bed he was sound asleep she was happy to be with him and the others.

But she didn't know how dark and dangerous they were. She gets up to cook breakfast but then she hears Jesse moving his muscular arms warp around her waist "Baby.. your up early."

He said in his sleep voice it was so sexy she blushed "Yeah also do you want me to cook for you babe?" "Yeah but not yet I want all of you for myself right now."

He gets up and kisses her "I love you so much baby girl your everything to me." He said as he pulls her down close to him "I love you so much Jess I can't wait until we get a new home."

"yeah but also I want us to get married." "Married?!" "Yeah married I want to have a baby with you." "Jesse that's sweet but what about your career and the band?" "I'll manage and I've been thinking about starting a family with you for so long."

After that Jada thought about what Jesse said as she got in the shower 🚿 she also thought about the others, Robaire thinks about having babies with her too "Why are they all of a sudden in baby fever and heat?"

She gets out and dries off looks at herself in the mirror thinking about her body carrying a baby maybe she'll have a baby with Aaron T He's great with kids. She gets dressed and ready for the day she never really dressed the way she does now she use to wear pastel colors, bright colors, and anything colorful and bright until she met the guys.

They loved it because she was the opposite of them she was their sun, sunlight, sunshine, their rainbow 🌈 baby but she just felt into the aesthetic and now she'll wear her old clothes every now and then.

After getting dressed she goes down stairs "Hey babe sleep well with Jesse?" Said Robaire he held her close to him "Yeah hopefully you and I can be together tonight." "Sure baby girl."

He kisses her lips deeply as Z walls behind her and hugs her "Z!" "What? I want to hold my girl." She giggle "I'm going to cook boys see you later."

Z smirked knowing what he was doing "Really Z??" "What? I was loving on her." "Yeah right Also manager called and said he wanted us to do a tour in Canada I'm going to visit mom and dad while I'm there."

"Alright." "I'm leaving you and Jess in charge." "Ok." "Keep an eye on her Incase some tries to take her from us."

"I know plus I'm going to make sure she's satisfied too ~😏."

"Aaron Z." He said stern looking at him he struggled and then walked away thinking about having her on top of him. "Jay where's the weed?" "T it's too early for that it's 7:22 am."

"How else am I supposed to get ready to eat more then 2 plates of food?" "Really babe?" "Yeah plus I'm not that much of a pot head." "Yeah you are."

Said Tae he looked so sexy without his eye and face make up on she couldn't help but blush "Blushing while I'm this close baby girl? What's on your mind?" He teases "Tae it's too early for you to be a horn dog." Said Jesse "Am not."

Later

Jada was watching TV with T and Z and Tae young thinking about her future with them and what it'll be like and if she'll ever go back to her soft colorful self again? Maybe maybe not but she knows this she's going to be with them if only she knew in reality..she doesn't have a choice.

(part 2 coming soon.)

[rekikiri]

Bonfire jack-o'-lantern cinnamon and fireside! (@stabbyfoxandrew)

bonfire (describe your dream house) - okay kinda long answer because I’ve thought about this many times since once the interest rates are down i will likely be getting a house lmao. apologies for the long answer.

so I want a brick house, preferable the colors kinda muted. either gray and black brick or red and black. idk why it’s just nice to me. for the inside, I want a very open living room and a decently sized kitchen. at least probably 4-5 bedrooms so that if i choose to have or adopt kids they’d each get their own room AND I can keep having a game room/office. (Im in a two bedroom so it’s very convenient to keep all expensive electronics and a lot of my nerd shit away from the other rooms).

(doing a break here)

Id LOVE having a wall full of shelves with one of those ladders to have my own personal library to fill with books and trinkets. and a tall fence to have space for when I get a dog (not getting a dog in an apartment, I cannot consistently walk a dog on a leash and go to parks where I’m at). hopefully no neighbors super close they need to be a bit away from me

jack o’ lantern (if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?) - I already have a few celebrities that I’ve been told I look very similar to (and one who my best friend who once said I look so much like this actress she couldn’t comfortably watch a triggering show). but maybe sandra bullock? she’s one of the prettiest women I’ve ever seen. i don’t do celebrity crushes but if I had to give one, it’d be her (or mariska hargitay!! another pretty pretty lady). I love them <3 genuinely the first two women I remember seeing and being like…woah beautiful lady. and I already have the same hair and eye color so it wouldn’t be like…drastically not me

cinnamon (if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?) - hmmmm not sure. not too far back because I want to have Rights, ya know? maybe gonna steal your answer @stabbyfoxandrew and say be an adult in 90s-00s. I do not want to live in my hometown bc it’s not at all progressive lmao. not sure where tho just maybe somewhere with a higher population but not a big city, idk. boring answer haha

fireside (if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?) - sooo I have a bit of an all over the place preferred styles and also a few things I specifically want. a few of my favorite styles are dark academia, a lot of black and baggy clothes (kinda emo style stuff), and I fucking loveeee sweaters too. I live in a hot and humid state AND I overheat so easily so I cannot wear my preferred clothes that much of the year, and dark academia stuff would be too much money right now for not a lot of use.

specific pieces!! I am dying to buy a few more pairs of highs top platform converse. I love those so much. AND I want a pair of platform doc martens. I have a normal pair but I want Stompy Boot. i also want to not have the issue where i have a primary every day shoe because I’m an anime character apparently and almost exclusively wear one pair of shoes for ages, and only swaps during the new season outfit change. currently they are my red high top platform converse. (before these it was my timberlands lmao).

SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG I JUST HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO SAY IN MY ANSWERS

[akwardlyuncool]

Spotify Wrapped 2023

So I'm here to talk about my hella basic year in music lol. If you're new here I got 2 Spotifys, which means I compare them every year to see which one I think is more accurate.

Basically I got my daily driver,  what I use most often and what’s signed in on my phone and then the Spotify I use for/while I’m working on projects on Akwardly Uncool. Anyway the LEFT side is the Daily Driver and the RIGHT is AkwardlyUncool.

So I'mma Start By Proudly Waving My Basic Card:

I might be wrong, but I feel like everybody who was even slightly in the Pop-Punk, Midwest Emo, Post Emo space had Hot Mulligan in their top 5, either artists or songs for 2023. It was just bound to happen and I ain't mad at it, cause have you listened to them?! Just had to acknowledge that real quick lol.

Minutes and Hours and Just Time:

15,850 minutes. About 264 hours. 11 Days.

Not gonna lie, based on some personal calculations, this was a shorter year for consuming music for me. (If you stick around for ACF 2024 I might divulge some of that reasoning, but for now I'll just say, It is what it is and I know why.) That being said I'll try to beef up my numbers again next year.

Top Artists:

Now don't get me wrong I love The Wonder Years down, however I made a collaborative playlist of The Wonder Years and Hot Mulligan with a friend and basically didn't turn it off lol (it was definitely a shower mix for sure) and that's how they ultimately won the award on my main account.

As for the "side" account, which felt like the main this year, Winnetka Bowling League is just one of those groups that's so good to put on and let run. Now of course I have my repeats, that I've been talking about for the last few years and then I added more and so whether it was going to their page and hitting play or seeking out my repeats, I totally get why they won there. They're coming out with a full album next year, so get used to me talking about them 90% of the time. And if you hop on their train, remember I'm the conductor.

As for the other artists who touched the top 5, I saw 3 of them in concert this year, so naturally their numbers are going to be higher. Also Watsky made it cause Intention is not on CD, hopefully yet.

Genre Sandwiches and Top Tracks:

It's Pop-Punk season mixed with Winnetka Bowling League and Watsky, so both sides reflect that. That being said, the main diver is where I play the majority of the R&B, Neo-Soul and the likes, so they're rarely reflected on my second. But KNOW, I am a mix of Pop-Punk and Neo-Soul, always!

Again it's Pop-Punk season or rather Hot Mulligan season and I spent a lot of time learning every word to those two tracks that won, but are too long for me to desire to type out now. "Draw and quarter a stranger to feel some blood on your fingers. You take away, robbery follow trends as a hobby, find flaws in everything else because you don't like yourself. Woe is me!"

Collector vs Alchemist:

They both say essentially the same thing which is that I make and listen to my own playlists more than anything else, but anyone who works with me could have told you that lol. Geniuses.

Winner? Winner? Chicken Dinner?

Again they basically say the same thing this year, which is that we listened to a lot of Hot Mulligan, Relient K is still my favorite band and if i see you in concert you tend to show up on my Wrapped for the year. I will say though that I'm hella surprised that this is the first year Lyfe Jennings didn't show up on my Wrapped and although that makes way for other folks, it's still a little sad lol.

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Hey we made it through Spotify Wrapped Time and now must move on to the more nuanced and obviously better Akward Class Favorites 2023. If you don't know, it where I just go through my year in movies, music, online content consumption and other things of the like, so better lol. Don't have an ETA on when that will go up, but I've taken the notes, so hopefully before the end of December.

[katjustvibinglmao]

Back

First night

Icey POV:

I'm just cleaning the diner area while SMG6 is cleaning the daycare, when I heard SMG6 shout "HOLY FUCK-" I then rush over to see what's up and I see the toy statue inside of the daycare, red, is just standing there nothing is wrong though, "hey 6 you good? " "yeah I'm fine I just got startled by this thing suddenly moving.. " she said a little annoyed, I was confused and looked at the giant statue plush maybe she's just hallucinating,i mean she's not used to being up until 6 in the morning lol :V "how about we go back to the office and look at cameras" I said "sure, as long as I don't have to be next to this giant thing.. " she replied glaring at that doll statue

No one's POV:

The 2 then got back to the office and watches the camera, it is now 12:00 PM/00:00 o'clock and icey is still wide awake while SMG6 is asleep leaning her head against the table

SMG6 POV:

I heard someone calling my name in my dream, that's weird.. I then see a creamy but she's not a robot tho.. and there's someone behind her.. "hello? " I said as I slowly approaches her just staring at me she tried to say something but then... "HOOOOONKKKKKK!! "

I jolted awake just because icey put a fucking air horn on my ear "WHAT THE FUCK!!?? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME DEAF??? " I yelled a little pissed off because of her. "I'm sorry to ruin your beauty sleep(sarcastic) BUT WE HAD A FUCKING JOB TO DO HERE! " she yelled back at me, I just glare at her for the nnext5 minutes until I calmed down a little, icey is right, I can't fall asleep while doing my job.

No one's POV:

The first night is pretty boring nothing interesting happens except for the music on the concert area playing, it is now 03:00 AM SMG6 can't really keep her eyes open for too long and she dozed off again, icey is just watching the camera checking every side of the area

SMG6 POV:

Okay I think I'm dreaming now hopefully icey won't annoy my sleep again.. I'm now searching for the creamy and the unknown person that's on my dream before, I then suddenly got tackled another cat she looks like creamy but more emo, she growls at me and I kicked her away but I got tackled by cat that's Mouthless and the emo one approaches me holding a sword as I'm pinned down by the red one, the sword is right above my head when she then suddenly strike.

I woke up from the dream and fall off my chair "oof-" I grunt as icey just stare at me confuse and amused about me falling off my chair from that dream, it's very annoying but yet I'm still questioning about the dream, why does it feels so... Real?.. I just get up and go check the daycare to see if those doll statue is not in spot or already away from their stage, icey also followed me, she then ask "6 are you okay? Why are you acting so paranoid all of a sudden? " I stop on my tracks before I turn and look at icey, I then said "I know it may sound weird but I some how have connections with the people that works here also the animatronics and those giant plush.. I don't know why but it felt like I've met them before, even though this is the first time I've seen them" icey is now silent after what I said, she then replied "maybe you've seen them before but in a different timeline or maybe in a different universe as a different person? " "I don't know but whatever that's happening right now is starting to get on my nerves.. " I said

No one POV:

After the whole chaos that happens tho it's just the first night, when the manager got to the place, they kept the whole thing about the place being haunted a secret, because they don't want to be seen as coo-coo crazy yknow what I'm sayin'? Anyways. 6 then would write and/or draw on her notebook about the dream of dying (again)

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Second night

[chpare]

Intermission: Birthday Gift

I just wanted to start with, Happy Birthday Retto, one of my grandest friends that I am glad is doing alright!

Now then, for this, let's consider it a step away from the current story, and a preview into the future story, but not during the main arc, but during private times.

During an Autumn Saturday afternoon...

Click- Clock- Click-- Clock--

The seconds click and clock on by as Aldric is laying on his wood carved blue cushioned sofa, he was looking up at a book that was suspended by a blue quilted fabric. The fabric itself was actually in the form of a Scarf like hand, one that was as calm as a cat under the suns rays during golden hour.

"Hey, I think I'm good for now Tabs, this book is kind of getting on my nerves if I'm to be honest."

The book itself was rather rubbish, he had high high hopes for it but...

Tabs just slings the book at the book cabinet only knocking a few books over and some photos.

"Tabs, I didn't mean you could send it into the great beyond like that... Now look what you did."

Aldric sets himself up right on that fucking fancy ass couch, like how could he afford it? Oh wait right... This is Side-Dell we are talking about. Tabs fluffs up against Aldric's shoulder a bit shivering, causing some warmth on Aldric's shoulder.

"Tabs, it's fine, it's not like you did anything wrong. Just made a too soon assumption I think."

Aldric stands upright in his winter blue home clothes, basically being baggy plaid longue PJs, and a light breathable fabric long sleeve hoody. TABS was tucked into the hoody part behind him, acting like a cousin when he was laying down on the couch.

"Hey, aren't these photos of when you were giving to me by my Aunt? She always loved going by the name Aviator..."

He was more younger in the photo he has picked up. It was of him and this light dirty blonde haired women, she was very toothy in her smile. She actually had an Aviator type of outfit on as well, with the jean jacket and everything, hell even the cap to match.

"She said you were a family heirloom that I would pass down whenever I felt it was time... But only when it was time, because you've been passed down time to time each time."

Tabs nods in agreement, not like he was scared of the answer, it was true, he has been through multiple generations of the Himan family. Ranging from knights to indie pop sensation Apollo The Third. He didn't really enjoy that one... Too many gothic vibes ugh.

"This one is of us during your first visit to an actual water park!"

Again, the Himan family is really weird, none of them before Aldric has actually been to a water park either... So let's just say... I may have panicked a lot when Aldric tried to go for a swim or a slide. He said that his neck kind of hurt the next day.

"This one is of when we had our first sleep over with Paige and Diggory!"

Again, I panicked and almost when full feral on those two... Didn't realize other people could sleep in the same room as my familiar of the time. They all said their necks hurt the next day.

"Oh and this is of when we went to visit the graveyard when I had that uh... Emo Scene phase..."

HE STILL KEPT HIS HAIR KIND OF FLOOFY BECAUSE OF THAT! But let his natural dirty blonde hair color take over finally. Did I also mention that I freaked and almost knocked over a gravestone of some weird guy called grandgrandgrandcone?

"Great times huh?"

Aldric reaches up and hugs Tabs tightly, the quilted blue fabric changing it's thread count and formation to become a more softer fabric.

"Dunno when I'll have to pass you on to your next familiar but... I really enjoy how you enriched my life Tabs. Thank you."

Yeee, hope y'all enjoyed the lore drops and such, the main story will resume hopefully next month!

[mecheyethe2nd]

Seven Years

Its been seven years since May of 2017. Since you passed

I'm disappointed in myself. I only noticed when I rebloged a thing about checking up on your friends blogs to make sure they were okay.

I'm even more disappointed that I can't really remember your deadname. Which in pretty much every circumstance should be the case, but that it means that if (hopefully when) I can make the trip to visit you I may not be able to find you since you were buried under your former self.

You're gone. And it still hurts. And I still miss you. I try to think about you as often as I can but I get older and things take over my mind more and more. Terrible things, like worries and anxieties instead of happy things.

But I just got back on Tumblr a little while ago and with it I have the ability to post on this blog again! Which I have been doing...kind of. Posting emo-ass images and texts here when I get put into a downer mood and need to get my thoughts on paper and don't want to get everyone else on here involved. Like today.

I don't want this blog to be for only sadness. I want to post happy things here too! But right now there hasn't been too much happiness.

To be honest, I'm lost. I don't know where I am going or what I am doing. I don't see a future for me anywhere. And that kind of scares me.

But only kind of.

I've gotten used to the idea that I may not get much further than this. I'm too unstable and unemployable. I cant stand submitting myself to the whims of an authority or corporation who doesn't give a shit about me. I'd honestly rather live on the street than be disrespected like that.

So I don't know what the future holds. Maybe something good. Probably something not so good. I'll have to see. But its not like I'm making any efforts to make it better for myself. I've all but completely given up. I'm burnt out. I'm tired. I'm just floating along until I hit something or something hits me.

A bit sad, isn't it? But here we are.

I have to say I never expected it to turn out this way. I had hopes once. A while back when I was still in school. Though even then I did not know what I was hoping for. The older I got the less I looked forward to the future and the less hope I had went up in smoke. The future was a black haze to me. An unknowable reality that I'm unwittingly stumbling in to. Where was I going? How was I getting there? How would I survive once I got there? Would I be alone?

Im still wondering that today. Still spending what little money I have to improve the lives of others than my own.

Would that be my legacy? Probably not. The little things I do aren't memorable in the long run.

But do I even WANT a legacy? Do I WANT to be remembered? Thought of? Honored or respected?

The thought if that is nice, but that's just all it is. A thought. Whatever happens after I pass on will be none of my business. Its not like I can relish in a nice warm legacy once I'm gone. Hell I don't want to relish in it now. All it does is create expectations of me. And I don't want people expecting things from me. Hell I don't expect anything from myself and I STILL manage to come up short.

There was a point to this post though I seem to have dropped it along the way. Lets just get this one over with so I can get back to work.

I still miss you, Misty. I still wish I could have been there for you when you needed it the most. I still wish we could have spoken to one another at least once. I still wish I wasn't such a disappointment.

[cherrywade]

that’s such a good way of putting it! i like a few bmth songs but i don’t know that many. i’ve dabbled into emo music and i think fob and bmth fit under emo??? but i’m not sure 100%. definitely get the interest in them, i should listen to more honestly but it’s Not The Right Time yet haha. it will happen sooner or later! just not now :’]

REAL!!!! i fucking have to have lyrics the first time i listen to a song or else i may as well not listen to it. i need to know the very essence of the song in every form or i’m not satisfied. lyricism is one of my favorite things, probably because i love words in general, but GOD. i love songs and concepts and fitting that into groovy lil tunes. it’s the best. AND YES, oh my god. you get it. i fucking love chateau (feel alright) because at a certain point in the song, you can hear joe’s mouth sounds and i’m so fucking obsessed with it. it’s also just one of my favorite djo songs in general. it’s ethereal to me. it’s a favorite song of all time of mine, as well as end of beginning. i did the math of playing a certain part of that song as the new year rolled in, if that explains any at all how much i adore end of beginning. music and me are one, as are you and music. i’m so happy you understand. it’s made me overjoyed and no less of it

:( that’s so kind. i hope you’re proud of yourself, because i am <3 i am so glad that you’re here, thank you for being here. i’m sure little you is so so so proud of you and happy to be where you are now 🫶

WOAH. that food looks so delicious, holy shit. looks like food from an actual recipe website or something. broccoli is so good by the way. i had this broccoli bake recently that was like mac and cheese but was broccoli instead of macaroni and it was incredible! i hope you can have more nice food soon, to treat yourself and such <3333

-🦇 (MWAH, you’re so nice to talk to. i felt like this was worth adding. talking to you makes stuff feel less lonely, if that’s not too parasocial to say. you’re such a cozy person and you have incredible vibes. thank you for existing in this space. you make it a lot brighter just by being you)

I think technically bmth is like screamcore stuff but they aren't as screamy now thankfully cuz i cant do the constant screams. Im like baby you're hurting both us with all this yelling. 🤣🤣🤣 but yeah i would think like emo punky and fob is like poppunk i think. I just ADORE their lead singer and his voice and ugh i can try and rec you a few songs if you ever want! Whenever the time hits!!!

(Gonna pop this under a readmore cuz they keep getting long!!! 🤣🤣🤣)

Ooohh yessssss Chateau is SUCH a dreamy song!!!! Its not my fave fave one but it does get stuck in my head A LOT. and yesss end of beginning is amazing too!!! I think Mutual Future (repeat) is one of my very faves. I just love how slow it is and then the like, way he almost chants the bit later on. Like he's full of so much need. Like... gosh. There's also a line in Personal Lies that literally makes my head go all fuzzy every time i hear it. Cuz, and hopefully not too tmi here, but I'm a little subby gremlin and he uses his condescending voice when he says "you need attention. Well baby there's the line" and i just.... go a little feral. Every time. Getting shivers now just thinkin about it. But like... that happens with me and music alllll the time!!!! And i LOVE that you timed it!!! Thats amazing!!! Sometimes you just need to hear the right thing to start the year right!!!!

And i am! Very proud of myself. I still have bad days here and there. But they never feel like i can't get past it anymore. So thats really nice. I just sort of embraced the small joys and it really just makes things brighter!

And awwww thank youuuuuu!!!! I love cooking so much!!!! I would share my food if i could!!!

YOU ARE SO SWEET OH MY GOSH! not parasocial too much i don't think. Most of my friends are online people who live in my phone ans i have so much love for them!!! BUT IM GENUINELY SO GLAD MY VIBES ARE GOOD AND COZY YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRYYYYY!!!!

[arbitrarycogitation]

Words

Today I started my fifth journal. I don't think I'm "good" at journaling. I started my first "serious" one in 2015. It took me 3 years to finish. Then 2 years for the next one, a bit under a year for the next one, and another couple of years for the latest one. My next journal is a bit thinner than the others, with wider lines, so let's see how long it'll last. I reckon it won't be as long as the previous one. But we'll just have to see I guess.

You might be wondering why I'm suddenly writing about these journals. Many people write for their own pleasure, I'm not special. I know. I wanted to share some lines from all of my journals. Specifically, some lines from the opening and closing entries of each journal. I always make sure I have some kind of hello and goodbye with each book. Although I am not entirely sure why I sometimes imagine someone is reading my journal as I write it. It's not too far off the reality, because sometimes I flip through them and laugh at my past problems, cry at the display of emotions on the pages, and sigh at the grammatical and spelling errors littering the lines between my life.

Without further ado, teenage me.

"My goal: to fill it (the journal) before the new school term. But, if I did not finish it, feel free to add stories of my mortal life here."

"You know, this book has always endured my shitty attitude to life. Thanks for that, book. I appreciate it."

"Whoever is reading this in the future, please note that this book was somewhat my venting book from my emo and hurt phases."

Yes, I was an emo teen, it was the mid-2010s, and everyone was emo. My first two journals were not lined, so my handwriting and style were somewhat freer. Older-teen-me below.

"Let's hope this one gets filled quicker so I don't have to relive my embarrassing past as much."

"I hope I continue to grow into a caring, loving, and mindful adult. That I'll look back at these times and chuckle in relief because I got through yet another time in my life. It's getting longer, and I wish I will never cut it short. I need to survive. This book is proof that I tried. That I'll keep trying."

That was actually wholesome. Well older-teen-me, we are still reliving the embarrassing past to this day. It's like all of my worst moments are compiled into a bunch of videos. Like the ones they make for K-Pop idols, but instead of "all the times this person looks cute" it's "all the times I want to cease existing". With this, let's move on to baby-adult-me's journal.

"In the last journal, I wished to be more comfortable with myself. I think I achieved that goal, to some extent. Okay, to a huge extent. I'm not 100% yet but I'm hopefully getting there. With this journal, I wish I will understand my purpose more by the end of it. I hope I have a great relationship with the people I love and continue to learn to be grateful for the life I'm living. Here's to a bit more adventure."

"I don't know if I'm closer to realizing my worth, but I have begun a journey to heal my soul. Bits by bits, with the might of someone who doesn't know much of the world yet."

"Thank you for being my friend for 8 months, I hope we continue to learn about life as we move along in this never-ending maze we call mother earth. Our journey awaits us. Stay strong, Wah. You are doing great. Good job on realizing a bit more about what you need to do. Here's to a fruitful future."

Ngl, this was pretty recent, so reading this is a bit heartbreaking. We all went through so much during the global pandemic, and this was the journal that kept me sane throughout the darkest days of the world. Now, onto the most recent one. I am dreading reading back anything I wrote 8 months ago at the beginning of the journal and what I wrote earlier today. Here goes nothing.

"Right now, there are a lot of things that I'm putting to the side because I have to focus on the bigger things in life. By the end of this book, it would be wonderful if I have made progress in these personal projects."

"It will be a long, arduous journey but it's one that I will never regret doing. Here's to the beginning of my 20s. May the exhilaration of life double as my age does too."

"Let's hope everything is just a misunderstanding. I know my 2023 will look different, with several changes, but I didn't think I'd have to bargain out something so dear to me. Life, if you're listening, stop messing with me. I'm tired."

Oof, that was a bummer, wasn't it? Rest assured that I am not feeling this way anymore, even though this was literally this morning haha. Life has a funny habit of making one second of a bad moment into a monumental feeling at the moment. Here's the first entry of my new journal, to contrast the last one.

"2022 is almost done, but maybe I can milk more experiences out of this year. Not sure why, but I think 2023 will be the year everything changes again. It's about time things shift around and rotate anyways. To past-me, an update. We're finally doing these projects. To future-me, hold on. You always hate the ride, you sappy, sentimental buffon. To present-me, you got this. Even when your grip is weak at best. Jalanin aja dulu. (Just go with the flow.) Here's to experiencing more. More happiness, more hurt, more excitement, more sadness. More of everything. I'm finally in my 20s, huh? How bizarre."

That's enough oversharing on the internet for a day, right?

[gaitwae]

Could you write a fic where Loki and female reader switch bodies and have to stay like that until someone figures how to turn them back?

Comment/reblog!

Tag List: @make-me-imagine @bwemph @myraiswack @rorybutnotgilmore @loki-snape-our-hero @wolfish-trickster @lucywrites02 @mostly-marvel-musings @winterfrostsarmy @superheroesandstardust @castiels-majestic-wings @geekns @natandersonnla @cozy-the-overlord @megthemewlingquim @whatafuckingdumbass @thebookbakery @delightfulheartdream @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @the-emo-asgardian @itscomplicatedx @sophlubbwriting @darkacademicfrom2021 @lilyofthesword @xlehukax @electroma89 @joucebox @high-functioning-lokipath @lokislittlesigyn @kingix-the-confused-earthling @nilavey @superfangirl-romanogers @funsized-mimi

Warnings: A disgusting amount of fluff.

“Oh, for the last time, darling! You shouldn’t be messing with spells you don’t know the first thing of,” Loki scoffed behind you, making you jump and snap his spellbook shut. It was an odd thing to remember that Loki even had a spellbook, but you had to learn new spells somewhere, right? You were just a simple mortal, and you had no use for things like magic on Midgard.

Or so he told you.

“I mean, yeah, but what’s it to you?” you mumbled, turning around to face him. “I wanted to go over a new spell with you, if that was okay.” You put your hands together in front of you and smiled up at your friend. You tried for your best smile, which ultimately caused him to cave.

“Fine,” he sighed. “Alright. But is it within the range we spoke of? What we just went over? I don’t want you to overwhelm yourself so soon in your learning. Some messes just don’t clean as well as the others do.” He put his nose in the air as if he was remembering just how uncleanable past messes had been. He took your hands. “Let’s do the spell. Hurry. I haven’t got all day and I truly don’t want to be stuck in some kind of situation we can’t sort out ourselves.”

“It sounds like you’re noncommittal,” you teased, reciting the spell you had just read out of the spellbook not even seconds before Loki opened the door and walked in on you.

“I can be plenty committed. Just not to your self-destructive need to be a sorcerer,” he said airily, speaking through the incantation; he didn’t even comment on it. 

If he had even heard it.

When you finished the rest of your incantation, the spell started to take hold. You became woozy, and so did Loki. You crashed into his arms, and he collapsed on the floor with you in his embrace. He smelled like mint and some kind of harsh cologne, but it fitted him. It was the last piece of consciousness you could hold onto before you awoke...

+-+--

“Hey, Lokes, are you awake? Hellloooo?” Tony’s voice came. It sounded far away. You stretched, and you could still pick up that cologne from where you laid. It was less intense than you thought it would be from hardly smelling it at all. You opened your eyes.

“Where am I?” you asked, and funnily enough, so did Loki. Odd choice of words.

“Stark!” someone called. You sat up to see who the person was, but your blood ran cold at the sight. “Stark, what happened? What has been done to me!? Where is—?” 

They stopped as well. There you were, your face, your voice, but... not you. You looked down at your hands. They weren’t yours. Your heart dropped significantly.

“How’s this even possible?” you asked, hearing Loki’s voice once again. “Am I—? Did we—?”

“Don’t do anything!” your voice came again, but littered with Loki’s speech pattern. “If you stain that Asgardian leather, I’ll—I’ll—”

“Oh, you’ll what?” you scoffed, standing. “I don’t even know how this happened! I’m surprised you haven’t started running your hands all over me!”

“Oh, please, we’re friends first,” you—Loki—mocked. Tony was staring at the two of you like you were talking about the finest boots to eat. He lifted a finger, but Loki raised a hand to stop him from even trying to speak. “It appears you’ve gotten us into a mess we cannot fix, haven’t you?”

“Will someone else have to change us back?” you asked. You stood, managed to walk over to Loki, and sat down. “I didn’t mean for us to... to...”

“Swapped,” Loki sighed. “We’re swapped. Either it’ll go away on its own or we’ll have to go to Asgard to convince my father to reverse us. How in the Nine did you find such a spell? It shouldn’t even be in the books!”

“Should I leave you two alone, then?” Tony asked. “Since, uh, you’re both acting extremely weird?”

“Yes,” you and Loki chorused. You crossed your arms and Loki mimicked you. Stark left quickly, leaving you two alone in the medical room, where only a blink ago you had been in a completely different room with Loki in his own body and you in yours.

Once he had shut the door, you watched your own body twist with Loki’s mannerisms and expressions. They turned to you and pushed your chest. You scoffed, gasping. “How could you even experiment with such a spell?!” they shouted. “We might be stuck like this forever! You made me mortal!”

“I wanted to swap our perspectives,” you admitted, gulping, “but I didn’t think it would lead to this!”

“What else could it have meant?!” Loki scolded. They put their hands in the air, then dropped them. They began pacing. “I’m stuck in your body! I may have wanted to hold it, but I certainly didn’t want to have it!” 

You bit your lip. “I didn’t want to have your body, either,” you mumbled. “I just wanted you to see how I look at you... I had thought...”

“Thought what? That suddenly I would fall for you? You’re out of luck there, mortal. It wouldn’t have gone the way you wanted it to,” Loki sighed, shaking their head. They sat on the cot where they had awakened from the spell. 

“I didn’t know you knew,” you said meekly. You looked down at your hands. Your heart was racing. It didn’t usually race when you spoke to Loki. The hands that had become yours, hopefully for a short period of time, were long and pale and so different from yours.

“How could I not, little mort—Y/N?” they asked. “It’s almost like watching someone sink into a depression; everyone can see it, but no one talks about it. I know you have feelings for me. I don’t blame you, though.”

“You don’t feel the same, do you?” you asked, sitting down on your cot. Loki shrugged. 

“I didn’t say that. I said I wouldn’t fall for you by seeing myself the way you do.” Loki picked at your nails. “Y/N, we shouldn’t be talking about this now, we should be finding a way to get out of each other’s bodies.”

You huffed a sigh. “We should ask Strange. He knows insane magic, and I doubt if I use your powers anything will change. I already botched this spell.” You laughed but stopped when you heard what it was. It wasn’t your laugh. It was odd. Laughter was determined by one’s body, so it made sense that it wouldn’t have been yours... 

“Oh! Brilliant idea!” Loki praised falsely. Clearly, they must have still been upset about the swapping bodies thing. 

You were disappointed in yourself for it, too. “Can we just go and see him? It’ll take no time at all.”

“He isn’t even home," they sighed, wiping their face with your hand. It was hard to watch. "Why must you be so perfect? Being so adorably shy that you cannot even ask me if I love you back?"

Your heart thumped. No, no. Loki's heart thumped for you. "...Don't mock me while you're in my body. I can still hurt you."

Loki narrowed their eyes. "You wouldn't."

"I so would!" you announced, crossing your arms and jutting your hip out.

"Hurting me goes against loving me, doesn't it?" Loki asked, slightly panicky. "You couldn't draw my blood, could you?"

"I won't draw blood," you promised. "I just have your daggers on my person, and I've never really cared for this stupid Asgardian leather..."

"This is going to be a long time waiting for Strange to be back, isn't it?" Loki groaned. You nodded happily. You scooped your own body to his body's chest.

"Oh, yeah. Swapped, for better or for worse."

[hobbitsnapes]

YOU GUYS ARE DATING

Corpse x MGK!sister reader

(Found this image on Pinterest so all credit goes to artist, if you know who it is please comment below so I can credit them)

A/N: this was requested by @heyitssab

Tree is tall of sex in this, but it’s more in a joking matter, plus corpse has stated he doesn’t mind as long as you are not a minor or send or tag him. I’m literally 2 years younger than him, and have no intentions of ever tagging him or sending him any of my work XD

Summary: how many idiots does it take to tell the brother and friend they’re dating? Apparently takes 2 very forgetful people, who kept their relationship secret without knowing it.

It had just been by chance, a small chance that he had been scrolling through his tags. liking and reposting art, when he saw a tag from someone he followed. He wrecked his brain for when he had followed her, coming up empty. She was cute, no denying the beauty she had as she laughed in the video. It was a clip from a stream that he didn’t know she had, as he couldn’t even remember her name, wearing his merch as it fit her snug. It fit her perfectly in fact, the large hood covering her face, hiding the flush to her face from her rather large chuckles that left her body. He couldn’t help but like the photo, and he couldn’t help but to press message either.

It was first only small likes to posts, an Occasional message, and a view on their livestreams, but that all changed when he spoke of the song he was working on with her older brother.

It all started that night, when both lay in their beds as they talked, laughed, and felt their hearts flutter each time they heard one another speak.

Her phone rang violently in her bag, nearly making her drop the to go bag all over the ground as she walked. “Hello?” She asked, as she held both bags with her hands as her shoulder gripped the phone as if it’d fall down a cliff. “Hey bug!” He exclaimed, making her chuckle as she heard the booming sound of his voice. She had always detested the nickname, as he gave it to her as kids due to her horrendous fear of the creatures. But, it brought more joy to her, as it reminded her of their youth. Having been adults for years, it was fun to hear such a childish name that’s stuck.

“Hey mopey.” She chuckled, as that was the name she gave him when he was in his emo phase that he never outgrew.

Both talked as she walked towards the elevator, mainly about how his day had gone as she silently listened.

She had always been this way, always the shyer of the two, the one to listen to others first before she said a word. He had teased her for it most of their childhood and teen life, but he had grown to love it, as he could let loose or rant to her about anything, and he knew she’d be there just to listen to him.

“So what’re you doing right now?” He asked, as she got into the elevator. “Just grabbed some dinner a few minutes before you called and nearly made me shit.” A smile painted on her face at his boisterous laughter.

“Are you at home?” He asked, as he heard the sound of the elevator beeping in the background. “No, I’m spending the night with my boyfriend.”

She had mentioned about a month prior that she was seeing someone, the joy it brought him to hear the excitement and joy in her tone as she gushed about their first date.

If this was 7 or 8 years prior, he would be bombarding her with questions about the man, who he was, where he lived, where he could meet him to find his intentions with his baby sister. But, in the last few years, he found himself feeling calmer whenever she’d mentioned her love life. He knew she was smart, and would never date a man who treated her poorly. The few breakups she had, they always ended amicably, her head still high as she told him. So, he never asked her any questions about the man, as he could tell from the few times she mentioned him, he could feel the love this man had for her, and Vice versa.

The strong barreling of her phone alerted them awake, both groaning out as she reached for her phone without lifting her head from his shoulder. “Hello?” She mumbled, voice slurred as the saliva was thick in her mouth, barely awake as she fought to listen in on who dares to wake them up.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, making her equally exhausted lover groan. She shifted off of him, laying on her back as he turned away from her, as to hopefully shut his eyes and fall back asleep. She was used to her brother's large voice, as it hardly phased her after growing up with him. “Colson, why are you calling me this ungodly hour?” “Oh come on, it’s not that early.” “Col its-“ She pulled her phone from her ear, eyes shutting violently as the bright light blinded her “5 o’clock in the morning. So again, I’m going to ask you, why did you call me at the asscrack of dawn?” “You don’t remember?” He asked, making her irritation grow. “No, that’s why I’m asking.” She says, as she rubbed her sleep crusted eyes. “You were coming up today to hang out with casie, remember?” Her hand stopped rubbing her face, as she felt her heart stop momentarily. “Wait, you mean today? I thought I was coming Friday?” “No, both of you settled on today, remember I told you that’s perfect because I have a day off?” She felt her heart pain as she heard the sadness in his tone, knowing he’s expecting her to bail. “Yeah sorry, I thought you meant Friday so I mixed it up, let me get ready and I’ll be out the door okay? Love you” she said, as she hung up the line.

Before she could even move, she felt his arm wrap around her body. A tired groan leaving his lips. “Nooo stayyyy.” He groaned, pulling her body to his. She smiled as she looked down at him, wrapping her arm on his chest and the other behind his neck. “I wish I could live, but I can’t.” Planting a soft kiss against his lips. “Stay in bed for a few more hours, please?” Her heart pulled at his tone, hearing just how tired he was. “I can’t, casies wanted me to come up for weeks now. And it takes a good 3 hours to get there. I wanna spend as much time as I can with them before it gets dark so I can get back safely.” He groaned at this, wrapping his arms around her. “Yeah but it’s only 5, it wouldn’t be safe to drive since we went to bed like, 2 hours ago.” “Yeah, and whos fault was that mister?” She teased, “hmm, sorry but I just couldn’t keep my hands to myself after not seeing you for a few days.” He mused, pulling her body closer to his, planting his lips against hers. A small hum left her lips as he pulled her thigh over his, grabbing the flesh harshly as their lips cascaded together. “Mm, no no no, you’re not gonna convince me to stay here just to go another round.” She said, as she got off from his warm body, throwing his large hoodie over her bare body. “Oh come on babe, are you sure about that?” He said, making her turn around to him. A small gasp left her lips as her eyes took in his milky white complexion. His honey brown eyes looking back at her with a small smile etched onto his face. His hair a tousled mess that resembled a bird's nest, some pieces falling onto his face. “Honey, I’ve been wanting to see my family for weeks now, I see you almost everyday and practically live here. I’ll be back tomorrow so I can grab more clothes from my place okay?” She placed a kiss to his lips, both holding one another in their arms. “I don’t know why you don’t just say fuck that place and just move in.” He mumbled, making her chuckle and heart warm. “Don't you think it’s a little soon though? I mean we’ve only been together a few months love.” “Yeah, but you’ve practically lived here since we got together, you literally just go there to get more clothes that you end up leaving here.” She looked into his eyes as she thought about his words. “Hm, I’ll think about it today okay?” She mused, planting a kiss to his lips. A soft okay leaving him as she got up.

“And babe, remember if you live here, we can have all the sex we want and not have to worry about driving to get one another.” He exclaimed, laughing at the loud honey she screamed from the bathroom.

She couldn’t help but laugh out as she watched, as her niece tried her hardest to braid her fathers grown out hair. It was near impossible not to, as pieces would fall out, resulting in her pulling them harsher, nearly pulling his eyelids back due to the tension from his temples. “Okay okay you’re gonna fuckin scalp me.” He chuckled , as all three bursted out in large laughter.

“So how’s school going this year?” She asked her, as she delicately painted her nails. Both of the girls had found themselves on the floor in front of the nice coffee table, as colson sat and chatted with them. “It’s going really well.” “Oh yeah? Make any new friends?” She teased. “I mean, kinda.” She couldn’t help but hear the wavering in her tone, spotting the faint blush dusting her skin. “Ohh, so there’s a someone eh?” She teased to her, making the preteen hide her face as to conceal the flush. “His names Garrett, and we both take social studies together. He always sits next to me at lunch, and we’ll draw on my notebook.” She gushed, making her smile. “Soo, do you think he likes you?” “I mean, that’s what everyone keeps saying.” “Yeah well don’t worry about it to much cas, you’re not dating anyone for many more years. You’re still a kid.” Her das said, making the young girls face fall.

Y/N knew he was only saying this to protect her, as he said the same thing to her growing up. “Hey, don’t be bummed out about it. He is right, you both are only 12 and should focus on school. But don’t worry, he’ll come around. He was just like that with me up until my current boyfriend.” She whispered, making the young girl chuckle.

“Speaking of which, how are you guys doing?” He asked, as she hadn’t mentioned hun to her in a while. He didn’t think it’d hurt to ask. “Great actually, we’re thinking of moving in together actually.” “That’s great! I’m really happy that y’all met.” “Yeah, I am too.” She hummed, a flush dusting her cheeks.

Both men laughed as they chatted on the phone, talking about anything that would come to mind. What was once only a collaboration for a song, turned into an amazing friendship that caused both of them to call at late hours just to shoot the shit.

A yawn left his lips, as he listened to colson ramble on about another song he was making. “Woah, you tired man?” Colson asked, shocked to hear the sound. “Yeah sorry, was up most of the night last night.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Were you feeling alright?” He asked, worry laced in his tone. He knew all about his friends illnesses, even once being on the other end of the phone during a bad spell one day.” “Oh yeah yeah yeah, was just, up with the misses last night.” He chuckled, a flush blooming on his cheeks. “Ohhh yeah? And how was it?” This shocked him, nearly feeling his heart stop. Like, does he usually know about his sisters sex life? He didn’t think much of it, as he knew just how close both were. “It was absolutely fucking amazing. Like I thought we’d be done for the night, fully tapped out but after like 5 minutes she’d be right back on me for another round.” He chuckled, his flush even worse than before. “Ayyyeee good for you corpse, glad to hear that puss is bussin.” He laughed at this, throwing his head back. “Yeah, it’s bussin bussin.”

Both men talk as they read from their phones, eyes wide in absolute awe of the love they received from the song. They had just dropped it a few days prior, not expecting the cry of joy from both fan bases.

He didn’t even look up from it when she walked in, until she bent down to plant a kiss to his forehead. “Sorry I had completely forgot about the tea I made you an hour ago, but I put it back on the stove to heat it up so if it’s twisting funky just tell me okay?” Before he could even thank her, both their heads whipped towards the loudness from the other line. “Y/N? Is that you? What in the hell are you doing there with corpse!” He didn’t sound angry, more shocked than anything, both of them looking at the phone in confusion. “I, I love here? Remember I told you like a month ago I was moving in with him?” “WHAT!” Both jumped at the loud scream. “Wait so you guys are dating!?” Both we’re even more perplexed, until it dawned on both of them. Their eyes wide as they turned their heads to one another slowly. “Wait you didn’t tell him?” “No? He’s one of your best friends so I thought you did!” “He’s your brother! So I thought you did!” Both whisper, until all three lay silent. That was until, the large cry of laughter that leaves the two, leaving colson even more confused. He wasn’t mad, not at all actually. More shocked and confused than anything. Until he started thinking, it does make sense, all the times they spoke about one another without him knowing, all the times they mentioned-“OH GOD!” He yelled, gagging violently, making them stop their laughing fit. “What's wrong? Why are you yelling?” She asks “like a month ago corpse was talking about how he was tired cause he was up all night having sex AND I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU! OH GOD WAS THAT WHY YOU WERE LIMPING THAT DAY WITH CAS AND I!” Both laugh even harder, as they listen to his ever growing gags.

“So yeah,. That’s literally how we had no idea we were keeping the relationship secret from her brother.” He laughed, as he red the comments and listened to his friends' laughter. She sat beside him, head laying on his shoulder as he told the story. She couldn’t help but to look back up into his eyes, as he glanced down at her, planting a soft kiss to her lips. “Keep it pg guys.” Colson said from the other line, making them chuckle.

[shortprince-cos]

Patton's Normal And Totally Not Angsty Birthday

Summary: Patton was fully expecting to spend his birthday with his stuffed animals and pictures instead of actual people, but his famILY had other secret plans.

Warnings: Crying, being alone for an extended period of time, angst, slight innuendo. Tell me if I need to add anything else!

Pairings: Platonic DRLAMP (all)

{Masterlist}

~~~~~

Patton was fully expecting to spend his birthday with his stuffed animals and pictures instead of actual people.

It wasn't a far-fetched idea, considering what had happened earlier last year. Everyone was still on their toes from the...fight.

It wasn't a fight though! It was more like a...big disagreement. That kind of maybe split everyone apart and left Patton alone...

But it was fine! Everyone just needed some alone time! Even if it had been awhile - a long while - since the incident. They just needed to think about things, and when they were ready, Patton would apologize and they would hopefully accept!

Hopefully...

Patton turned in his bed again, trying to sleep for the umpteenth time that night.

He sighed and eventually sat up, glancing at the clock. It said it was 4:16 in the morning, now it was technically January fifteenth.

Happy birthday to him.

Patton wiped the tears off his face and put on his glasses and his cat hoodie. Well, if it was his birthday, he might as well have a cupcake and make a wish. He'd probably need it, to be fully honest.

Patton meandered through the hallway, glancing at everyone's different colored doors. Everyone was probably asleep.

He remembers when it used to be just three doors in the hallway. Just Morality, Creativity, and Logic. Was it simpler then? Or were they just living in ignorance?

"No one knows you better than yourself, am I right, Tony?"

"I know big words too! Ssssssaxophone-"

"Who knows what'll happen if you don't adopt them, and they need a good home!"

"Anything he darn well pleases!"

...Maybe he was the only one not taking things seriously. They say ignorance is...better to live in, and Patton was basically swimming in it before his wake up call.

"We need actual contributions from you, now and then."

Is that why this happened? Maybe he's been ignorant of all the actual dilemmas this entire time. That's how everything went wrong! He didn't just suddenly not know what to do, he never knew what to do! He just hid it with jokes and puns and silly commentary to 'lighten the mood', but really he was just a distraction from their actual problems.

Patton hugged himself as he stood in the hallway, surrounded by the doors of his friends. Well, if they still wanted to be his friend.

Patton glanced at the dark purple door in the hall, cringing at the memories that came with it.

"Now Anxiety, if you don't want to participate, you can just sit this one out."

"Awww you poor little anxious baby!"

"And what about Anxiety, he always seems to get you down."

Patton swiped his tears away, hurriedly making his way down the hall to the staircase.

Janus didn't have a door here yet; he said he'd rather stay with the others in the hidden side of the mindscape.

Probably because of how awful they all were to him.

"Deceit, standing in the spot of one of my four best friends."

"Um, you're in my spot."

"Because Thomas gave his word, but you wouldn't know anything about words, would'ja mister?"

"I may be amphibian, but I can't say that I am fibbin'!"

God, they were so terrible to him. No wonder he doesn't like being around any of them.

Patton's hands shook as he gripped the banister at the top of the stairs, holding in his silent sobs.

All of this is his fault. He caused the rift in his famILY.

Suddenly he heard voices from downstairs. Wasn't everyone in bed? It was four in the morning, who would be up right now?

Patton wiped the tears off his face for the umpteenth time and took deep breaths, trying to steady himself.

He stalked down the top stairs slowly, trying to listen in onto what the voice was saying.

"Listen," A voice whispered. "I'm just pointing out all the possibilities."

"More like all the negabilities, seeing how all of them are negative." Another snarked.

"Just- does he even wanna see us? We basically ghosted him for months. We didn't even include him on the Nico situation. Why didn't we do that, he's the heart! He's like, the most important side for that!"

Oh. They were talking about him.

Patton debated leaving, going down there, or keep on listening before another voice spoke up.

"I doubt he would not wish to see us. If anything, I believe he would like to talk about what happened."

"Logan, we're talking about Patton here. If we talk, he'll just say he's fine when he's clearly not fine."

"That's not true." One obviously lied.

So all four of them were downstairs talking about him. Wait, isn't there supposed to be five-

"Hi Potty-cakes!" Remus suddenly shouted from behind him.

Patton shrieked in surprise, before almost tumbling down the stairs before someone caught him.

"Pat! Are you okay?!" Virgil said, slowly helping Patton to his feet.

"Y-Yeah, I'm perfect!" He said, plastering his Patton-ted fake smile.

Virgil squinted at him. "Pat, have you been crying?"

Ah. Guess the smile didn't work.

Patton noticed that everyone was crowded around him, including Janus, which meant that lying was out of the question.

"Uh- kinda?" Another smile.

Someone swore under their breath as Logan spoke up. "Patton, what are you doing awake at this hour? Don't you normally get up at seven?"

Patton stood up straightly instead of leaning on Virgil. "Oh, I just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep! What're you guys...?" Patton started as he finally looked around the room, noticing the balloons, streamers, and a banner that they had used for every birthday Patton had had.

"...doing?" He finished.

"Uh-" Roman started. "Well uh- we were kind of...surprising you with a birthday party?" He shrugged nervously.

Patton stood shocked for a moment. They were throwing him a surprise birthday party? Why? Why would they do that- weren't they mad at him? There's no way they would just suddenly not be mad at him! What was happening?!

"Pat, what's wrong?" Janus suddenly asked, putting a gloved hand on Patton's shoulder.

"I'm fine, why?" He answered on instinct.

"Padre, you're crying." Roman explained.

Patton touched his cheek, and sure enough, he was crying. "O-Oh. I guess I am."

Another hand gripped his wrist. "Pop-star, are you okay?" Virgil asked with concern and sincerity in his voice.

Patton immediately started sobbing. "No, no I'm not."

Some tentacles wrapped around him from behind - probably Remus - as a bunch of arms started surrounding him as well, securely trapping him in a hug.

Patton kept crying into someone's shoulder as multiple people kept whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

Eventually, Patton had stopped crying, just enjoying the feeling of a hug - a hug! - surrounding him.

Then, they started pulling away, leaving Patton with traces of warmth left over.

"Patton, are you alright?" Logan asked with concern in his eyes.

Patton rubbed at his eyes again and sniffled. "Y-Yeah. I'm just overwhelmed, I guess. I kinda expected to spend today alone..."

Everyone made a noise of either surprise or concern.

"Patton I..." Roman started, looking at the ground in guilt. "I didn't mean to make you feel alone, I just-" He sighed. "I talked to De-Janus, and he helped me realize that it wasn't like you were trying to make me the bad guy, you were just trying to tell me that Janus wasn't one either. So, I planned a party to apologize to you, and well, I guess the surprise is ruined."

Patton immediately hugged Roman the minute he stopped talking. Roman chuckled, but Patton could hear the tears in his voice.

"I'm- I'm so sorry I-"

"Shh, don't be." Roman comforted. "We all forgive you."

After another minute of hugging, Logan cleared his throat.

"While this moment is very touching and much needed, it is currently almost five in the morning, so I suggest we all take a nap before we get into the festivities."

Everyone made noises of agreement, when Patton interrupted.

"Um- could we-?" Patton started before cutting himself off.

"What's up, Pat?" Virgil asked.

"Uh- I-I just thought that maybe we could..."

"Cuddle on the couch?" Janus finished with a smirk on his face.

Patton nodded with blush on his face.

"Ooo sexy~"

"Remus, I swear to all things princely-" Roman started before the twins started arguing and Logan had to break them up before they could brawl in the living room.

Eventually, everyone on the was cuddled up on the couch and snuggling in one way or another, and Patton couldn't be more content.

~~~~~

Whoo! I finished on time!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of myself for writing this in one day! Though, I think it's a bit rushed, I forgive myself for that tho because it was written in one day lol

Ty for reading! I really enjoyed writing Patton angst again lol!

General Taglist: @resident-crow-goth @macademmia @theantisocialghost @foreverfangirlalways @emo--nightmaree @moxy--sanders101 @quinnthequeer @gattonero17 @trashno0dle @tranquil-space-ninja @artsy-enby09 @lugooble @sander-crossing @disney-princess-patton @sleepyysoot @hi-its-tutty @lookingforaplacetosleep @sarcasmremovedsoul @corkeecoderyt @drarrymalecsolangelo @private-snippers @girl-who-reads @emy-loves-you

Ask to be added or removed!

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

[leiakenobi]

#13 + marcus moreno

13. “i’m not worthy of anybody’s love.” “that’s not true, you’re worthy of mine.” followed by the lover breaking eye-contact… + a love confession

oh, it’s “get emo about marcus moreno” hours, is it??

i slightly defied the specific circumstances of the prompt, but i think you’ll like where i took it anyway. 

also this is 1.2k i’m so sorry that i am the way that i am

——

Your friendship with Marcus Moreno has been built almost exclusively through your headset.

Brought on to coordinate between teams of heroes now that the children and grown-ups are all taking on missions, you couldn’t begin to guess how often it is Marcus on the other end of the line.

It’s often enough, though, that you’ve come to start chatting when he’s traveling, or when he’s doing recon. His voice warm and low in your ear, you settling into your chair in the back of the command center and listening to stories about missions from before you joined up. Sharing stories about your life outside of your job of – as you like to call it – superhero supervising.

You can’t say for sure when you started telling him about your dates. Probably after one of your college friends’ particularly abysmal attempts at a set-up.

Now, though, it’s late into the evening. Most of the crew has long-since gone home, but Marcus was scheduled to do this stake-out until 9 and he’s committed. And when he asks, “Hey, didn’t you have a date last night?” it is the last thing you’d like to talk about.

“Please don’t remind me,” you groan.

“That bad?”

You don’t even offer a true reply—you just make a discontented sort of noise and hope he’ll leave it at that.

“And not a funny sort of bad,” Marcus says softly. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it? You’ve got a captive audience here.”

“Hopefully not actually captive.”

Your attempt at deflection could easily fall flat, but Marcus chuckles earnestly, the sound hitting your ears and filing you with an exquisite sort of comfort. Comforting enough that you hesitate, and linger with the silence, but ultimately decide that there’s no harm in opening up at least a little bit.

“One of my friends set me up with a therapist, this time, and he just... got into my head a little bit. Before the appetizers even got to our table, he told me that I’m sabotaging my chances for a relationship.”

Marcus scoffs, and it’s encouraging. He’s right—how ridiculous. “Based on what?”

“Based on how committed I seem to be to my job. He told me that I was using the Heroics to avoid commitment and potential heartbreak.”

“All this still before the appetizers?” You hum your confirmation, and Marcus scoffs again. “What a dick.”

You smile slightly to yourself, scanning your eyes over the vacant command center. The lights are down low – an automatic switch that happens at 8PM – and maybe it’s something about the ambiance that allows you to continue. To concede, “I guess I’ve been wondering whether he’s right.”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Don’t you worry at all that you’re putting too much of yourself into this place? Aside from everything you do for Missy, obviously,” you add after a moment’s thought, because you know that would be his retort.

The brief silence on the other end of the line tells you that maybe you’ve struck a chord, at least enough for him to have to contemplate. “Sure, I worry. But I doubt it can be summed up as easily as your date tried to do, especially after just meeting you.”

“You’re probably right.”

Pause. “But?”

And you can’t help but laugh. Your voice a little tentative as you confess, “I guess that I’ve just been second-guessing myself all day. Trying to figure out why I might be hiding from a relationship, if he was even right in the first place. And I do think...”

Is this too much? Sometimes the anonymity of this, of a phone call back-and-forth, makes it so incredibly easy for you and Marcus to open up to each other, but does he want to hear something quite so vulnerable?

“Go on.” He encourages you softly, gently.

“Even though part of me knows it’s ridiculous, somewhere around three a.m. last night it hit me that maybe the other part of me thinks I’m not worthy of anybody’s love.”

“Hey, hey, that’s not true.” Marcus’s tone has gotten harsh, almost exasperated, all of a sudden. “You’re worthy of mine.”

Unbeknownst to Marcus, that might be the worst thing that he could have said. Because somewhere around four a.m., you realized that maybe you’re sabotaging your love life because you’ve got a stupidly big crush on Marcus Moreno.

You glance at the corner of your datapad. “Hey, you’re officially off the clock. Why don’t you head home to your little girl.”

“But--”

“Talk to you tomorrow, Marcus.” You power off your headset before he can get in another word.

Stupid. Absolutely stupid. You should have kept it to yourself. Then he wouldn’t feel the need to give you some kind, encouraging pep talk about how he sees the good in you and he knows someone else will someday, too. Now you have that to look forward to tomorrow.

What you’re not expecting is to pull into your driveway only to discover Marcus perched on the stairs leading up to your front door.

You can’t quite bring yourself to walk closer when you step out of your car. Instead, you hover, hand lingering on the edge of the door while you frown at him in the dark. “What are you doing here?”

He tries to give you a kind smile when he rises to his feet, but is that a hint of nerves you detect peeking through? “You can’t cut a conversation like that off just because we’re not on the clock anymore.”

“Did you have more to say?”

“I mean, yeah, I think that finally getting up the nerve to confess my feelings for you deserves a bit of actual conversation.”

Confess his feelings? What?

Your jaw drops slightly. “What are you talking about? I thought--” You trail off and watch as he begins to take slow, careful steps toward you through your front yard. “Weren’t you just giving me... It sounded like you were trying for a supportive pep talk.”

He hesitates. “Alright, in your defense, I guess I do give a lot of supportive pep talks.”

“So many that it’s a little dorky,” you reply, a smile spreading across your lips. It makes him laugh.

“Would you give me another shot, then?”

You swallow nervously. He’s reached your car, now, and he’s standing in front of you with those soft eyes staring into yours—how often have you even gotten to really look into those eyes? How could you bring yourself to stop after this, when this moment inevitably ends? His hand settles on the door as well, inches from your fingers.

“Go on.”

“Speaking as someone else who might put a bit too much into the job... hearing your voice in my ear every day is one of my favorite things about being a Heroic. I love how hard you work to keep things running, and I love that you let me ramble on about stupid things when you probably have far more important work to be doing. And I would love to be able to see your face more often while I talk to you. Every day, if possible.”

Every day. Have you stopped breathing?

Raising his eyebrows and inching closer, he asks, “How was that for a not-pep talk?”

You grin wide. “You nailed it.”

[babymilkawa]

Can you do the haikyuu captions with an S/o who is in their first year (fluffy)

yayy finally have a reason to write for kuroo and bokuto

first year s/o headcanons with:

oikawa tooru, sawamura daichi, kuroo tetsuro, bokuto kotaro

gn!reader :)

oikawa tooru

at first, you were a little hesitant on letting your relationship out

because some of his fans could be second or third years yk, we don’t want no bullies bullies b gone whoosh

but he is almost always by your side and has even acted annoyed to his fans if they were ever mean to you

having a third year as your bf means that you can get homework help whenever you want

and all your teachers love him

so they don’t mind if he hangs out in the classroom sometimes, as long as he doesn’t distract you

he’ll gush about how you and your little friends are so cute

pull that old man shit and be like “I remember those days, we were young and free~”

dramatic king

whenever you go to one of his games, you’ll always try to cheer louder for him compared to his other fans and he’s got like this big surge of pride

but afterwards he’ll be like “don’t lose your voice honey”

will want you to be the team’s new manager soooo bad

like will beg you on his knees because if you accept the current manager’s offer, you can see your bf even more and he can impress you 

the manager totally doesn't use that to try to convince you

oikawa really just loves how the slight age gap means he has more the reason to take care of you

your first time during a class sports event? he’s right by your side, making sure you don’t feel awkward or lost

yes he’s that type of person who looooves it when you ask questions and he can show off his smexy brain

a lot of times Iwaizumi will hit him in the back of the head if he’s talking with you too much and he’ll just sulk and slump his head on your shoulder 

sawamura daichi

he’ll always bop his head into ur class

he’s obviously also a teacher’s favorite have u met this guy 

oh wait no u haven’t, rip sucks to be u *sobs*

so the teachers don't mind

ur teachers prolly even gush about him with you, yk like those teachers who lOVE drama/gossip yea them

Nishinoya and tanaka always try to get ur attention bc your Daichi’s s/o and every time, Daichi will yell at them, telling them to not scare you off

but they still do it

tis a cycle

plays 128489x better when you’re around

wait gotta round that so 130000x

we know he’s very encouraging to his teammates but with you around? he’s like Yamaguchi’s personal cheering squad

will go to your house in the mornings, walk you to class, wait there at lunch, walk you home, ugh this man can’t get enough of u

he loves it when you lean against him when u guys walk together, he’ll wrap a secure arm around you and you nuzzle in his neck SHDFKJHDKS

u always help them shag the balls and he’s like “no, no, y/n let tanaka and Nishinoya do it” and those two are giving you puppy eyes

cue Daichi chasing them down

if tanaka and noya are puppies, he’s your bulldog

omg random but y'all know that one parks and rec episode where they’re picking people’s spirit dog? yea Daichi is like a bulldog

but once he turns to you it’s all 🌈🌟💫💝

but he’s genuine

no fakes we don’t want them

if you read my sick s/o hcs you’ll know how much of a “handsome boy” to elderly people he is 

hehe sry for the self promo

kuroo tetsuro

u already know what ur dates are gonna be like

he’s gonna smexy study with you *bites lip*

yea that’s right Kuroo just leave ur brain and go

this man,,,again I know,,,is adored by your teachers

“Kuroo you’ve still got that same hair!”

yea he’s def like a teacher assistant or smn during his free period

he’ll pick ur class and just wiggles his eyebrows whenever y'all make eye contact

when you’re done with a presentation, he’ll be the first and loudest when clapping

alwaysss is there when you need a pencil or an eraser

this man will literally prepare protein bars for you the morning u have a test, will give you a pep talk, y'all like huddle outside the classroom or something LMAO that’s cute tho

“you’re gonna go in there and you’re gonna kick that test in the ass ok?”

gives you a dad pat, a kiss to ur head and gives you two thumbs up when you glance at him at your desk

p sure everyone in your class wants him to hold a study session

but no ladies & gentlemen, he’s reserved for y/n and y/n only good day ☺️

its kinda impossible for u to fail

to thank his brain, you always show up to his practices and games

you give the team their water, towels, etc and he’s just yea that’s right they’re my s/o

now shower them with praise *holds them at gunpoint*

his schedule is busier than yours and he always feels bad abt it

which is why he’s soooo clingy if y'all sleepover or after hw

it’s hard for him to resist u cuddles during hw tho

OMIGOD WATCH THIS VID 

bokuto kotaro

ok at this point we know that all our captains are angels so

*deep inhale*

he’s a teachers favorite

there I said it sue me

so yes he WILL hang around your classroom and talk to the teachers

p sure he does that with akaashi buttt 👀

and if u can’t come out during break he’ll just mope by the doorway while akaashi nom noms on his snacc boccuto

he won’t rly help u with hw, he’ll try but go off topic and whoops why did a pillow hit my face

yea y’all don’t get much studying done so hopefully ur smart

ACTUALYYYYY you just call akaashi

DuH

bokuto will litrally be like “ur bad at math? Babe just jump in the pool with me rn with ur clothes on, take a shower and then we’ll call akaashi!!”

it was 1 am 💀

he’s a good distraction whenever you’re stressed out

literally sunshine in human form

if ur there during his practices and matches he almost NEVERS goes into Emo mode bc gotta impress my s/o

ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ!!

will randomly call out to you when he’s on the court

“HEY Y/N HI HELLO”

“this ones for you” *hits it into the net*

every time he gets a good play he’ll immediately look into the crowd and ur there jumping for him and he’s jumping back and awww

some ppl r wondering if he’s even older than u like y’all look abt the same age 🤔

he’s just 🍗🍗🍖🍖🍑🍑

if ur not there during practice he’ll definitely just slouch and swing his arms around “where’s y/nnnn”

someone lift his face up and kiss him on the nose

THATS U Y/N GET UR MAN

but he knows he can’t act like that during games

he’ll just have to suck it up

and pretend like ur there, pretend that ur voice is there

literally he can only pick out your cheers from a whole stadium of people

but obv u get the best seats ;)

a/n: aaah this was fun to write ^3^

haikyu!! masterlist

[pockyxx]

“ how the haikyuu captains confess ��

daichi x fem! reader, kuroo x fem! reader, ushijima x fem! reader, bokuto x fem reader and oikawa x fem! reader

genre: fluff.

daichi 

people already though the two of you were dating

he always does typical boyfriend things i.e holds bags, compliments, the only thing that was missing was  physical intimacy 

he’d be on the fine line of romantic and straight forward 

he kinda already knew that you knew he liked you 

he got the team’s advice on what to do but it was useless bc they’ve never been with a girl RIP 

“Y/n, I’m glad I caught up to you!” He seemed a little more nervous than normal but you brushed it off as just nervous for his up coming practice match. 

“Hey Daichi-san, what’s up?” You closed your locker, finishing up with your own club activities. The two of you continued to walk while also keeping up the conversation, Daichi holding the door open for you. 

Your heart slightly fluttered as you walked so close with them, wondering if today was the day that Daichi was finally going to confess. One of the first years had accidentally let it slip one day when you stopped by his practice. 

“Well, actually, there’s been something on my mind. It’s been on my mind for a while, honestly.” He stopped walking, nervously opening his backpack to grab something. 

You gave him an innocent look even though it’s been a moment you’ve been waiting for for a long time. 

“I like you, y/n. Like a lot.” He extended his hand and offered you your favorite candy bar, something that he always carried around with him. “I like when I get to see your bright smile, and your laugh makes me feel so warm inside. I just like the person I am around you and how you make me want to be a better person all together.” 

It had been clear that he hadn’t exactly planned what he was going to say but it was still meaningful nonetheless. 

“It took you long enough.” You flashed a cheeky grin, “Hinata told me by accident, I’ve just been waiting for you to finally spill the beans.” You laughed, filling his heart with joy. 

“So this means you’ll let me take you on a date?” He wondered, blushing and making a mental note to make the younger boy run extra laps. You nodded rapidly, taking his hands in yours, proceeding with your walk. 

kuroo 

have you seen how he talks to his team 

he would have his confession planned for a week 

He’d be rehearsing that shit in the mirror every morning

he’d probably get really freaked out the day of though 

when you say you like him back and confess in a similar manner he’s as red as a tomato 

he practiced on kenma and get his advice

“Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you-” Kuroo was instantly cut off by his younger friend who was still glued to his game. 

“You’re really going to finish off such a sentimental confession with a stupid chemistry pick up line. That’s gross.” He commented as Kuroo was left scratching his head. He’d been planning on confessing to you for a while now but was still stuck on what to say. 

“But she loves when I made chemistry jokes.” His face dropped, conflicted with what to do. Was his friend right? Do girls not like that sort of thing? 

“Well you better decide quick because her she comes.” You had turned the corner with all their refilled water bottles and his heart began to race up. What would happen if you said you didn’t like him back? It would create such an awkward relationship between you two; which wouldn’t be good between a captain and a team manager. 

“Here are your waters.” You passed both volleyball players their drinks as you rested your hands on your hips, “what were you guys talking about?” 

Kenma kept a straight face while Kuroo flushed slightly. Pressing a finger to your lips, you thought of a way to lighten the clearly tense mood. 

“You’ve defiantly being improving your serves, Kuroo-san. I’ve been keeping ion you!” You covered your mouth, not wanted to let out a laugh at such a cheesy joke. That was Kenma’s cue to walk off, giving Kuroo the thumbs up to proceed-- it was now or never. 

“Well, there’s something you should know too, chibi-can.” He swallowed any anxious nerves he had, “You make my heart flutter every moment I see you; you just take me breath away and not just because of you looks. I like how funny you are, and you always seem to put a smile on my face. I know this is very random but I’ve been holding in my feelings for a very long time and I thought I was going to explode not being able to tell you.” 

You smiled, bashing your eyelashes, you never knew your captain had feelings for you. Heck, your crush had feelings for you. 

“So basically, what I’ve been meaning to ask is; are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you?” He held his breath, wondering if Kenma was going to be right. His heart pounded even faster at the sight of your lips twisting to an even bigger smile (if that was even possible). 

ushijima 

it could go one of two ways 

either he could be super blunt and hit you with the ‘I like you y/n.’

OR it would be over the top and only because he consulted tendou

tendou’s probably watched a handful of romance animes and has ushijima prepares chocolates, flowers, the whole 9 yards 

ushi is just nodded and taking notes like... 

just confess to her at the summer festival, girls love that, bonus points if you do it under the fire works.

tendou’s words rang through ushijimas head as he walked side by side with you at the summer festival. he’d done everything tendou had instructed him to up until that point. he’s bought you the best taiyaki, he’d let you hold his hand as to not get lost in the crowd and he’d even won you a small stuffed animal that now rested under your arm pit.

“I think the fireworks are about to start.” you hummed as wakatoshi realized he needed to get into the right position.

“then why don’t we go someone more private.” he offered you a rare smile as your cheeks started to burn up with fluster.

it wasn’t like ushijima was a cold heart person but seeing him suggest something so thoughtful, your heart fluttered with the idea that someone greater was about to happen.

nodding, you let ushijima pull you off as the two of you got a better of the sky that was soon to be filled with a display of lights. he’d taken you away from the crowd, up on a small empty lot of gross that was elevated compared to the rest of the festival.

“y/n, I enjoyed tonight.” he cleared his throat, catching your attention. you nodded in agreement,

“hopefully we can go to more festivals today, of course if your not busy with volleyball!” you smiled happily. ushijima was quick to respond.

“I’d like that very much.” he paused, “y/n, i’m often told that i don’t show emotions well or that i’m very blunt.”

you watched him with curious eyes, stating that that wasn’t all ways a bad thing.

“that’s right. this is a time where i think it’s good to be blunt. you see, y/n, i enjoy spending time with you and that i like you, very much.”

bokuto 

it accidentally slipped out 

he always gets a little shy when he think about it so he simply doesn’t 

you’ll be something fairly mundane and he’ll just pause and go 

“you do that so well, that’s why I think I’m in love with you.” 

you’d get flustered because it was so out of the blue 

he’d fill akaashi in the next day and akaashi would make him re-do the confession

“You’re so good at cleaning the white board, y/n, but I guess everything you do is good because that’s why I like you.” You and Bokuto had class room chores together after school and he was watching you, in a hazy spell, resting his hand on his head. 

You blushed, not knowing if Bokuto was actually being serious or if he was just being overly kind. You just pretended like you didn’t hear him, continuing with what you were doing. If you can confessed your feelings back and he wasn’t serious, you would’ve died of embarrassment. 

“Bokuto-san are you going to help or not?” You turned around seeing Bokuto covering his face as he rested his head on the desk. “Uh, Bokuto-san are you alright?” 

He looked up at you only for you to see what you recognized as his emo mode. You frowned your eyebrows as he jumped up, bursting out with emotion. 

“No! I just confessed to the girl that I like and, and, and I wasn’t ready!” He grabbed his bag and ran for the door, “please forgive me for not doing my share of the work, y/n.” 

You were left speechless, watching as the gray haired boy ran away. You laughed realizing what he meant and put you into such a happy mood you didn’t even care that you had to finish all the chores. 

The next morning, you were greeted at the gates of Fukuordani by Bokuto who held a box of you favorite snack and a small teddy bear. Shyly extending the gifts out to you. 

“I bet you know what I’m going to say, so just, uh, please take these.” It had been what Akaashi had instructed and you took them with pleasure. 

“These will make up for all my hard work yesterday keeping out classroom spic-and-span.” You giggle, Bokuto looked at you with pouty eyes as you continued, “and if you didn’t run out so quickly you would’ve know what I like you too.” 

His eyes gleamed as you covered your slightly blushing face with your hand. Bokuto engulfed you in a hug and the two of you becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. 

oikawa 

he’s been confessed to so much that confessions make him nauseous tbh 

he’d make it very personal and romantic, though 

if not romantic he’d want it to be just the two of you 

he knew if he told any of the third years about if his plans, they’d ruin the moment; showing up to film the whole experience (mattsun and makki) 

he would secretly be the most nervous out of all of them 

You were helping Iwaizumi and taking over his cleaning shift with Oikawa. Oikawa was kinda glad the ace had a dentist appointment, so he could finally get you alone with out his team mates or fan girls there to ruin the moment. 

“Say, y/n-chan, I’m pretty lucky to have such a pretty girl helping me clean up.” His eyes were on the ball he was rubbing the marks off of, not really seeing your expression, defended by the sound of his heart thumping rapidly. 

You frowned, liking Oikawa was no easy task because everyone seemed to like him. Sure, he complimented you now, but he always compliments girls. It hurt your heart not knowing how sincere he was. 

“Don’t worry about it Oikawa-san, I’m always happy to help.” You sighed, finishing pumping a deflated volleyball. The Oikawa you had grown to love wasn’t the pretty, flashy volleyball player but the determined captain who always brought out the best in his teammates. It was the hard working, smart and passionate Toru that made your heart do flips. 

“Y/n...” His voiced trailed off, you noticed there wasn’t a cute little ‘chan’ following it. You turned to face him, not realizing your vision had gone blurry from tears pooling in them. 

“Are you alright?” Out of concern he placed his hands in your shoulders and that seemed to snapped you out of the spell you’d fallen under.

Rubbing your eyes, you nodded, looking down at your feet to avoid Oikawa’s gaze. You wished he’d let go of you, so you heart could just go back to its normal pace.

“Y/n did I say something to upset you—Im sorry.” He seemed to be holding his breath until he saw you shake your heard, reassuring him he’d done nothing wrong. Toru sighed.

“I hate seeing you upset, do you know that?” Surpised, you looked up at him, almost beckoning him to eleborate. Oikawas mind was racing��� he wasn’t planning on confessing right there and then but he decided to sieze the moment.

“Out of all the girls I talk to, you’re the only one that makes me feel like this...” With your mouth gapping he took your hand and directed it to his chest where you could feel his rapid heartbeat.

“Oikawa-san...” You trailed off, at a loss of words. Between the hand touching his toned chest and the honey-like words coming out of his mouth, it sent you into over drive.

“Everything about you makes me crazy and-and well y/n... i like you!”

Nodding off, your brain couldn’t fully comprehend what your body was doing. leaning forward, reaching up to his lips you. kiss. him.

“Woah.” Oikawa breathed out, shocked at how you reciprocated his feeling until he was brought back to his usual behaviour, “so... you wanna go out with me?”

[toastwithjelly]

FEEL SOMETHING

(A Sanders sides Angst one-shot fic)

Part 1

4,391 words

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

Razor blades

Self harm

Gore

Numbness

Logan angst

Confrontation on self harm suspicions

Summary:

Logan is tired of being the cold, emotionless robot that everyone perceives him as. He’s repressed his emotions to such a great extent that he genuinely doesn’t feel anything major anymore. He does have his nightly break-downs sometimes, but he needs more than that.

However, this is where roads begin to cross. Logan feels that it would be nice and beneficial to experience strong emotions, but he doesn’t know if this feeling is stronger than his fear of expressing such things. Being viewed as a joke and not being taken seriously is his worst nightmare. Because of this, the logical side just keeps up his stone cold front to avoid being weak.

This dilemma Logan had found himself in really frustrated him. No matter how hard he tried to think of a solution, nothing ever satisfied both ends of the spectrum. The best he had come up with was to keep up the front when he was with the others and then let himself break down at night when no one was around, and even that didn’t help him nearly as much as he wished. This eventually led him to looking for answers online. One search led to another, and Logan has figured out something that might help him. It’s a bit risky, and he’ll have to hide it from the others, but he knows how to be safe with it, so he’ll give it a shot just to feel something.

•———————————————————————-•

Part 1

6:34pm

 Logan was sitting at the dinner table with his three friends as they ate their meal. Nothing unusual about the evening, they had their casual little chats and the occasional playful banter from Roman and Virgil, with Patton butting in every so often. Logan kept his focus all on the plate of food in front of him. The paternal figure had worked hard to make this, he wasn’t going to let it get cold. Plus even if he wanted to join the conversation, he wouldn’t even know what to say. Sure he was the logical side and he had a heap of facts to spit but when it comes to the jovial friendly conversations the others usually shared. He truly couldn’t find the words to contribute something meaningful into the atmosphere, so other than correcting a false statement, he kept silent.

“Now Virgil, I’m just saying that a kid would be much more excited to watch a movie like Alice in wonderland and we all know it!” Roman exclaimed to the emo sitting across the table from him. It’s not at all surprising that the current conversation taking place was one about Disney. Especially when it was Virgil and Roman who were the ones bickering. “I mean all the bright colors and such a classic story is bound to win a kid over!”

“Uhuh sure, like kids would want to watch a film about a bunch of mentally ill people on an acid trip. Plus, the queen of hearts is scary for them,” Virgil retorts, glaring at Roman before taking a bite of his food. “The princess and the frog is clearly a superior movie. It’s about an independent hard working woman who doesn’t need a man to help her achieve her goals, like are you kidding me? And she helps him out, that is a nice change for once.”

“Yea I cannot argue with that, we stan Tiana,” Roman admits, leaning back in his chair. Logan was about to question the prince about the term he just used, but decided against it, keeping quiet.

“But the shadow man is scary!” Roman continues.

“Uh, no. ’I’ve got friends on the other side’ is such a bop. But I am one of the friends on the other side,” Virgil pulls his signature 2000’s MySpace emo face. ‘Bop’. Logan remembers what that meant. He had to ask Roman about it later to make a vocabulary card.

“Oh my god can you get any edgier?” Roman asks the snickering Virgil across the table as he rolls his eyes and goes back to his food. The only thing Logan could think of at this time is how useless that conversation was. Their frivolous arguments had no solid points or evidence to back up their argument if they were trying to persuade the other. He chose not to say anything so as to not further encourage them. Instead he had just yet again kept quiet and his focus was on finishing his food so he could retire to his room.

“So Logan, are you almost finished with your work?” Logan’s head snapped up when the mention of his name came from Patton. ‘Work.. it was always work.’

“No, Patton. There are still a few tasks to be completed that need to be completed tonight,” Logan states, adding on that last bit so hopefully he isn’t bugged with having a ‘family night’ as Patton and the others like to call it. Which, it doesn’t make any sense considering the fact that none of us are actually related.

“Well, once you are done with that, do you wanna come watch a movie with us!?” The parental side excitedly asks. Logan internally cringed at Patton’s use of grammar, but more at his failed attempts at getting out of this without having to ask. It’s not that Logan didn’t like the others, it’s just that tonight specifically he wanted to be left alone. Sometimes spending time with them is considered a good thing to him because he knows that he needs to take breaks from his work sometimes and Patton gives him an excuse to do so. Also, knowing that Patton wants him there helps him feel less like a robot, but that feeling quickly returns when they don’t even care to ask him his opinions for the movie choice.

“Oh.. that’s ok! There’s always next time, right?” Patton sounded a little disappointed, but supportive nonetheless. “Well I wish you good luck with that, Logan!”

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan finishes the conversation while turning his attention back towards his almost empty plate.

The rest of the dinner went by as normal. They all took their dishes to the sink and Patton offered to help Roman complete the dishes and Virgil retired to his room for the night. Logan says his goodnights and follows suit to his own room.

After entering, Logan lightly shut his door and pressed his back against the cool wood. The lights were still off, so he sat in the inky black dark atmosphere staring at the ceiling in order to prevent the dark curtain draped over the contents of his room from playing tricks on his eyes. He didn’t bother finding the light switch; he felt it was unnecessary. It would only illuminate everything that reminded him of everything that burdens him. He hates not knowing.

The logical side leaned his head back against the door and squeezed his eyes shut, the blankness of the dark and the silence began to be too much for him; it made him feel too alone. With no senses available, you are left with nothing but your own thoughts to drown in. Nothing to do but to fall down that hole of endless thinking. Logan’s head swarmed with every emotion he was feeling at once. Every fact he wished wasn’t true danced behind his eyes and pounded on his skull demanding his attention.

Logan couldn’t help but let the tears run down his cheeks. They started rolling faster and he held his hand over his mouth, choking back a sob. He hated doing this, but he had to if he wanted to remain sane. He just felt so vulnerable and embarrassed. Logan felt his legs begin to shake so he slid down the door to sit on the floor. God he hopes no one comes to his room.

The logical side stayed on the floor like that for a while. He didn’t know how long, but he was surprised when he looked at his phone to find he had been there for almost thirty minutes. Once the crying had for the most part stopped and Logan realized that it didn’t really help at all, he decided to get up from his spot on the floor and turn on some lights. He had reached for the plug connected to fairy lights strung around his room and plugged it into the electrical socket, illuminating the whole space with a soft Caramel colored glow. The lights were a gift from Patton last Christmas, the parental figure had gotten some for everyone in the house. At first the logical side thought they were childish and impractical due to him already having a light in his room, but Patton persisted so he put them up and once he saw how they casted a honey coating to all the contents of his bedroom and how the atmosphere instantly shifted from sharp to calming and gentle, he decided that they weren’t that bad.

After his eyes had adjusted to the light, Logan walked into the bathroom that he has in his room and shut the door after turning on the light. The sudden contrast of the soft light of his room to the harsh light of the bathroom only worsened his growing headache so the first thing he did was retrieve the Ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet and swallow two. After that he took his glasses off and placed them on the side of the sink before proceeding to wash his face of tears with warm water from the faucet. After he patted his face dry with a towel, he took a minute to just look into the mirror. He took notice of his cold, dead eyes that were a navy blue, but despite being such a bright color, his eyes looked more dull and grey. ‘No wonder the others think I’m a metaphorical robot.” He thinks to himself. He decides not to stay there any longer or else Remus might hear him drowning in his thoughts and show up so he grabbed his glasses and started back towards his room.

Logan didn’t know what to do now. He’s already cried a bunch but that didn’t help. He just sat on the edge of his bed trying to figure things out. The laptop sitting closed and still in his desk caught his eye. ‘There may be an article on the internet explaining my situation.’ The logical side thought to himself before he got up and made his way towards his desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down. While he opened the device up and typed in his password, he thought about what he was going to type into the search bar. While the Google page displayed on his screen awaiting his questions, Logan’s fingers moved to type in the first one that came to mind; ‘How to feel when you are numb?’

Once he pressed enter, he proceeded to scroll for what he was looking for. He passed a bunch of articles about physical health and stuff like that. ‘Perhaps I worded it incorrectly?’ He thought to himself before seeing something that could potentially be what he was looking for. It was a link to a twitter post. It was titled ‘I don’t feel anything. I do this to feel something,’ and Logan thought that would suffice nicely to his needs. Though, the side wasn’t prepared for what he was going to see when he clicked it. Blood. Lots of blood. Cuts all up and down the poster’s forearm that could be recognized as dermis and epidermis level cuts. And finally, a bloodied double edge razor blade sitting calmly in a warm crimson pool on the counter top.

Logan gasped upon the image displayed in front of him. It wasn’t too intense but seeing a part of the human body all cut up didn’t make him feel too comfortable, but he was slightly intrigued. He was kind of confused why the gorey photo was related to what he was looking for so he decided to look into it further; only because the text part of the post seemed to relate a little to his state of mind.

The logical side scrolled down past a few more photos of the same cuts just at different angles. He kept observing the images while trying to think of where to go from here until he decided to use the tags the original poster had provided with the text to research further. He viewed 10 or so hashtags of random things to figure out what the point of this was. Some of them just confused the side, but one of the words he recognized from an article he read a few months ago when Roman fell into a deep depression and he tried to gather as much information as he could to help him because the others were worried and terrified for him. However, he never had to use much information because they had luckily gotten him out of that mental health decline before anything terrible happened. Well, at least to his knowledge. The tag in question reads as ‘self harm’. Now Logan felt a little stupid because he knew what this was before, but a little clarification never hurt anyone.

He had to admit, he was a little taken aback by the fact that what he was experiencing was linked and related to self harm but he decided to explore more under that subject to further understand it. When he clicked on the tag, he was exposed to pages and pages of self harm. He stopped at one particularly disturbing one. It was a video of a girl with a straight razor that resembled that of what a barber would use. In the video, she had pressed as hard as she could and with one clean swipe, the fat inside her arm was exposed. By this point, Logan was feeling a little sick to his stomach on account of what was displayed in front of him. The video however kept going. The girl dabbed the open wound with a white towel, so the amount of blood that was being soaked up was very visible. The girl picked the weapon up again and placed it in the center of the cut and proceeded to apply pressure while she dragged the blade along her arm at a painfully slow speed. When the pool of blood was soaked up, fascia was exposed and Logan really wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He vaguely understood the premise behind self harming, but witnessing it to this extent kind of confused and scared him.

Luckily the video stopped there and Logan closed it out and continued to scroll through the page. He did not find much there other than the pictures and videos of people cutting themselves and he was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable, almost like what he felt when he was under the effects of Virgil’s room; and for that reason he decided to close out this tab and search elsewhere. The logical side really didn’t know why he was so intrigued to this certain coping mechanism. He knew it was very unhealthy, but he couldn’t let it go.

After a few google searches about the topic of self harm and a few articles later, Logan found one specific body of text that piqued his interest. It was basically describing the effects self harming has on the brain and why so many people do it and says it helps. He read through it and the information he gathered was rather interesting to him. Basically, the context of the article was explaining the science behind why self harming was addictive and why some people do it in the first place.

‘So, cutting myself will release neurochemicals in my brain that mimics that of dopamine? Fascinating..’ Logan thinks to himself. The side takes a minute to think it through. Was he actually considering this? I mean, there is scientific evidence that proves that doing this will help him. Logan ponders a bit on that last point, basically pushing him to do it. He just resorts to searching for reasons not to go through with it at this point. Only two reasons came to his mind when he tried to think up reasons to push the thoughts out of his head. The first was the safety aspect of it. Of course when you are cutting yourself there are things that can go wrong; however Logan felt confident enough that he knew how to do this safely. He knew where the vital points were on the human body so he knew where it was safe to cut as well as how deep to go. He also knew how to properly dress the wounds and how to take care of them so they didn’t get infected so the logical side could figuratively throw that worry out the window.

The only factor that was left in play affecting Logan’s decision in going through with this is the guilt he would have to face if the others found out. With Patton having gone through a situation similar to this when Roman was having severe mental health issues and when Virgil ducked out, Logan would figuratively (and almost literally) have the blood on his hands just adding it to the list. He knows that Patton always tries his hardest to do things that make everyone as happy as they can be, and oh the lengths he would go to do that. Let’s just say that the parental side has had many sleepless nights on account of helping someone else. But surely if Patton had ever found out about all the things Logan hasn’t told him, it would make him feel like he hasn’t been enough for people even more than he already does, even and who knows what could happen to him when that happens and he lives knowing that three of his friends have been struggling.

Logan had to ponder on this one for a minute. But with him being logic and all, he brought up the point that the way Patton was thinking about things is untrue and if he had to, Logan with a little of Virgil’s help could sit down with him and possibly explain things in order to pull him from that mindset.

He quietly hummed to himself, feeling accomplished at finding a solution. This satisfied feeling quickly deteriorated as confusion began to spill. Why was he feeling this way about something so grim? Why was he so compelled to stand up to get that spare razor that lay waiting in the bathroom cupboard? He thought it was even irrational to consider doing such things but it just felt like something that could actually help him, and he needed it.

He didn’t know what made him do it, but something in him made him push himself out of his desk chair to shut his laptop without powering it off and making his way to the bathroom. Once inside, he quietly closed the bathroom door. He opened the door of the shadow box, but for some reason it felt super slow like in a dramatic movie. He didn’t know why his hands were shaky when he spotted the razor and went to gently pick it up.

Just then as he examined the weapon in his grip, he felt the adrenaline pumping. It all just set in. Oh my god he was actually going to do this. He was just moments away from his destination. He gulped down a nervous lump in his throat as he examined the perfectly new blade for any rust. The side didn’t understand why he was so nervous; he knew how to do this safely so why was he so scared? Maybe he’s afraid of the pain

Logan however quickly dismissed this thought so that it doesn’t chase him out of a decision. I mean he would only seem MORE weak if he pulled such a pansy move. It shouldn’t be too bad.

He started by washing the blade and his forearm with warm water just as a precaution. He shakily held the blade horizontally over his wrist. Deep breath in and-

Slice

He ran the blade across his skin and then exhaled the breath he was holding. He sort of relaxed when he realized that it wasn’t that bad and that he was ok. Still, he checked the damage. It was a cut on the epidermis layer of the skin so nothing bad. Even so, he watches the blood bead along the clean line in fascination. It started to drip a little but that was caught with the towel that Logan pulled off the towel rack. He gently pressed the cloth to the cut and when he pulled it back, he closely watched as blood refilled the small wound. He was satisfied with his work and for some reason, he couldn’t stop looking at it. He wanted more.

So that’s what he did; the side made a few more clean lines parallel to the first one he made. He would stop to just watch the blood, then soak it up before watching how it refills again. Logan found himself admiring his arm from all angles, wearing these cuts like some sort of sick and twisted accessory. Logan continued to leave a few more little cuts, holding his arm over the sink to not make so much mess with blood (and to not ruin his favorite button up shirt).

The logical side went for one more and pressed a bit harder this time. When he swiped the blade, white was exposed before blood started to seep out from the edges of this deeper and wider cut. Actually being able to see the inside of his arm like that kind of scared him. He recognized this as the dermis level of skin. It made him a bit uneasy how he could turn his arm sideways and see the cut gape a bit, but he couldn’t stop looking at it. He thought if Remus was here, he would have said it looked like a mouth.

After that tiny scare of going deeper, he decided he was done with this for the night, afraid of going farther than he already has. As he started cleaning the blood from his arm and his sink, he was thinking over his success rates with this exercise. He had come to the conclusion that this had done what he wanted it to for him. He smiled to himself as he looked at the fresh cuts. The smaller and thin ones have already dried and scabbed over, but the deeper one he had just done was still filling with blood after each time he soaked it up, but it was slowing down. He doesn't know if he smiled because the treatment worked or if he was just proud of what he had done, but to him it just matters that he got a smile out of it. Once all the blood was cleaned up, he opened the shadow box again to retrieve the bandages. Carefully, he wrapped his arm in a secure bandage and put the rest away. The pressure of the cloth being wrapped tightly around his arm felt oddly nice and contrasted with the burning sensation on his skin from the contact.

The side stops moving and stands perfectly still when he feels a presence in his room. His heart dropped out of fear in realizing that this is the worst time to be here for obvious reasons. He slowly reaches for the doorknob of the bathroom and turns it, trying to prepare himself for whatever is about to happen. When the door was opened, it revealed Remus sitting on Logan’s bed just looking around.

“R-Remus, what are you doing here?” His voice was shakier than he wanted it to be. He wasn’t sure if the cause was from what he just did in the bathroom or the fear he had from another side possibly knowing.

Remus’s gaze shifted towards the nerd and the bandage on his arm. “Well, as I am Thomas’s own intrusive thot,” he stopped for a second to giggle at his play on words, “I can sense unwanted thoughts from any other part of Thomas,” he got up from his spot on Logan’s bed to walk towards him.

“I was picking up something from you, not like the normal. I had some suspicions and came to investigate but it seems as if I was right,”

“I.. I’m not sure I know what you are referring to,” he lied. Logan thought it was eerie to hear Remus talk in this more serious manner.

“Yea, no we both know that is a big lie,” Remus slightly smirked at Logan for the fact that he was right and gestured to Logan’s bandaged arm. Logan just avoided the other side’s eyes and held his arm behind his back. This and Logan’s uncomfortable silence confirmed it to Remus and he was no longer smiling, he had a look of empathy and slight hurt on his face. He was also sort of mad at the others because he feels and sees what Logan goes through with them and he thinks he can understand why Logan would resort to self harm.

“Logan, do you need to talk about it?” He asked. Logan has talked to Remus about his situation before, but he didn’t want to talk about this. He just brushed past Remus to go lay his pajamas out on the bed to get changed for the night. “No, I do not wish to speak of this and I ask you to kindly not mention this to anyone else, but thank you for your concern,” he never turned around to look at the other once. Remus just stood there with a slight frown. He then got an idea on what to do and he sunk out without saying anything else.

Logan could feel when the intrusive side left the room and released the breath he was holding in relief. He felt guilt wash over him in the moment. He really disliked lying to one of his closest friends but it was for the best. It was way too early for him to be able to tell anybody- scratch that. He didn’t want to tell anyone at all. He just hoped that Remus would listen and not tell anybody. The logical side thought of what he would do if that were to happen as he changed his clothes to something more comfortable.

He stopped before getting into bed to ponder if he should leave his fairy lights on while he slept. They were left on as he climbed under the cover to keep the atmosphere soft.

The logical side found himself holding his bandaged arm up above his face to admire it. He didn’t know what it was, but knowing what he'd done gave him tiny butterflies of adrenaline in his stomach which led him to a small smile. Logan was never an artist of any medium, but those crimson lines that stain his forearm felt like an art piece to him. It made him feel accomplished and.. happy. And with that, the side brought his arm back under the covers and closed his eyes to be consumed by sleep with a smile on his face.

•———————————————————————-•

Hope you enjoyed this first part :)

Yea a little background, sanders sides is such a comfort series for me, so I started writing this back when I was struggling a lot and I decided to keep writing this now so I hope you enjoy this bucket of angst haha

Part 2 will be linked here when it is up!