#hopefully that helps keep me a bit more active hahaha

[paintedkinzy-88]

The bros when asked to blep for the camera. (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Except Donnie. Donnie would never do something so cutsie, that’s bad for his bad boi drago image. (He doesn’t have to know… ����)

[infernalrevenge]

Hello Hello 👋🏻

I would like to request (NSFW) the Dimitrescu Daughters getting dominated by Reader with a strap.

Just for Fun

Bela = Bed

Cassandra = Wall

Daniela = Sink

(But of course only if you‘re comfortable with it 🙈)

HELL YEAH ANON, I am more than happy to do this!

I'm guessing you want drabbles? I did all the sisters (hehehe) in this post, under the cut. (Also I'm sorry this took a while, I actually misunderstood the prompt and had to redo it though I had already finished the first two HAHAHA)

Reader shall be gender neutral, though they make use of a strap.

(NSFT text under the cut, 18+)

----------

Bela Dimitrescu

You pulled and pressed down on the last of the velcro for adjustment, looking down at the new toy attached between your legs. A pleased smile curled over your lips as you looked on at your girlfriend, who seemed... a little less enthusiastic.

"Is something wrong, love?" you asked in concern.

She looked down at the crumpled sheets, a sign of your earlier activities to prepare. "Just a little... nervous, I suppose."

You frowned slightly, not wanting her to worry. This was supposed to be fun for the two of you, after all. First times did tend to bring nerves though, no matter who you would do it with.

"I'll go slow, I promise. And if you want to stop, you can tell me," you assured her, cupping her cheek. Bela let out a shaky breath, but she nodded, seeming more sure this time.

She laid back down on the bed, her golden hair splayed around her like a halo as you spread her legs apart. Watching the way you licked your lips, that hunger in your eyes when your gaze locked onto hers -- it helped ease her worries somewhat. You only looked away for a moment to see where you were aiming, and once you started to move, you flicked back to her.

It felt much thicker than when she only had your fingers inside her, but it filled her so wonderfully at the same time. Her head pressed against the pillow, eyes closed as she savored the feeling of having you deep inside. She turned slightly to press a kiss to your palm, still on her cheek, and you took it as a good sign.

"You're doing wonderful, Bela. Such a good girl," you whispered. Every move drew a gasp from her lips, breath hitching slightly when she felt you speed up. All the while, you sung praises of how good she felt, how beautiful she looked laid out like this.

Your hands roamed over her bare chest, to her waist, then her hips, pulling her in to meet every thrust. She gripped the sheets underneath, nearly overwhelmed by the sensations before deciding it wasn't enough. She reached up for you without thinking, pulling you down just to feel your flushed body against hers. You responded in kind with kisses and suckles onto her neck, keeping a steady pace.

When she wrapped her legs around your waist, you couldn't help but smile. "Faster?" you asked. She could only nod to reply, words lost in a haze.

Her groans echoed in the chamber, mixing with the slapping of skin as she started to gush around you. All she could moan out was your name, and it was a hell of a drug to keep you going.

Everything making her tingle was building up in her core, toes curling and muscles tensing with her mind filled with want for you and only you. Until finally, finally -- her thighs pressed against your sides to keep you still as she was rocked with pleasure, shaking from the waves of an orgasm. She seemed almost dazed when you pulled back and saw her face, prompting a kiss to her forehead.

"I'll take it this means we can do this again some time?" you teased, just about to slip out before she crossed her legs over your waist once more.

"Again," was all she said, looking up at you pleadingly.

You weren't about to say no.

----------

Cassandra Dimitrescu

"You always carry that with you then?" the brunette said with a laugh, running her hand over the length of the strap on.

"Just in case. Knowing you, you could hardly wait 'til we get to a bed," you replied, leading her against a wall. She had essentially seduced you away from your work to a secluded room in the castle, where hopefully no one would disturb you.

Cassandra planted her hands in front of her, looking over her shoulder to see you rubbing the length of the toy between her ass. She bit down on her bottom lip, pushing her hips back impatiently.

"Ah-ah-ah, what's the magic word?" you chided, a mischievous smirk curling on your lips.

She only growled in response, but you stood firm as the hand on her hip kept her still. You traced its tip along her wet folds, making her stiffen and shiver in anticipation. You weren't going to just let her have this, not after the trouble you might wind up in for letting her whisk you away in the first place. She was going to earn it.

"Well?"

A soft hum passed as if she thought it over, glaring up at you.

"Put it inside me now... please." She had whispered the last word, but you supposed that should do for now. You couldn't wait too long either.

You eagerly pushed into her, watching her mouth drop open at the sudden intrusion -- one that was entirely welcome. She clawed onto the wallpaper, digging her nails with every thrust that resulted in that beautiful friction. Your hips rolled into hers, searching for that spot that would have her seeing stars, and you knew you found it from the way she arched her back and moaned out your name. By Mother Miranda, you wanted to hear it again.

Cassandra could feel her legs cramping from under her, but the pain only melded with the pleasure of being pounded into. You pulled her face toward you and sealed her lips with yours, swallowing the sounds spilling out of her as you kept up a punishing pace. The heat inside her was ready to burst, chasing the feeling with every rock of her hips to meet yours. When you broke off to catch a breath and locked eyes with her, your gaze dark with lust -- it was enough to push her over the edge.

She gushed around you, resting her cheek on the cold wall and shaking as you rode her through her orgasm. But you wouldn't slow down, catching her by surprise when you reached down between her legs.

"Might as well... make the most of this... right?" you panted, seeing her golden eyes roll back and jaw go slack, getting lost in the overload of sensation. Your other arm wrapped around her torso, chest pressed against her back as you leaned into every thrust.

She was still so sensitive from her first orgasm that a second one wasn't too far behind. Her clit throbbed under your fingers as you rubbed circles and she was unable to help herself from grinding into it, ragged shocks of pleasure running through her. Goosebumps littered her skin before she burst once again and cried out your name, head lolling back onto your shoulder as you pressed deep inside her.

You gently caressed her legs as she started to come down from the high, hearing her whimper as you slipped out. Your fingers traced along her quivering inner thigh, collecting some of her slick before bringing them up to your lips for a taste. She barely managed to catch the erotic sight as she turned her body towards yours.

"Want me to help you clean up?" you whispered, resting your forehead on hers.

She responded with a soft kiss, and an even softer "Please" before you got down on your knees.

----------

Daniela Dimitrescu

The redhead's giggles bounced off the bathroom walls, her legs wrapped around your waist as you set her down on the edge of the sink.

"You really couldn't wait until I finished showering?" you teased, watching her dangle the toy by its strap.

"You were gonna get dirty again anyway, you can finish later," she replied with a playful pout. As much of a brat your lover could be, it's not like you could deny her, especially when it came to such desires. It didn't take long for you to get ready, adjusting as quickly as you could while keeping your focus on the hungry look on Daniela's face.

You pushed her dress up to her waist, smirking as you felt up her bare legs and ass, noting her lack of underwear. "Naughty girl."

She wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you closer. "I just like to come prepared."

Lining yourself up to her entrance, you heard a small gasp as you slid inside. Her fingers curled around you, looking up with half-lidded eyes as you rested your forehead on hers, moving ever so slowly. She should've known you'd be a tease, as she deserved for interrupting you. "Please," she whimpered when you paused, seated within her.

"Please what, baby?"

She groaned in frustration, "Please-- please fuck me already."

With pleasure. "Good girl."

You pulled back and thrust harder, her moans ringing in your ears. She pushed her hips forward to meet yours to push in deeper, the creak of the sink under her going ignored as the two of you got lost in the act. Her nails clawed at your back, muscles tensing as she left red marks which only encouraged you to go faster.

You reached down to press your thumb onto her clit and rubbed quick circles, groans of pleasure spilling from her lips as she desperately held onto you. "Fuck, Y/N!" Her legs tightened around your waist as she could feel her climax building.

Suddenly, you heard a loud crack, and Daniela dropped from her position. Luckily, your hands under her thighs managed to keep her from landing on the floor. What wasn't quite so lucky was the crooked sink that broke off its pipe, the two of you quickly getting soaked with water. Even when you moved away, stray lines still splattered onto you both, and it left you laughing at the irony. Maybe you were meant to finish your shower after all.

"When I wanted to get wet today, this was not what I had in mind," she remarked, shielding herself from the spray but to no avail.

"You were kind of due for a shower too anyway," you joked, earning you a slap on the shoulder.

She pursed her lips, holding onto you tight with the hard length still inside her. From the way she was shivering, you knew she was still recovering from earlier. One thrust forward got her to yelp, nails digging into your shoulder.

"Fuck!" She covered her mouth, looking down at you pleadingly, "Please let me finish, Y/N."

You raised an eyebrow at her, "Someone definitely heard that crash and is gonna come in any--"

"I don't care! Please, just let me come. I was so close already!" she whined, bouncing in your hold and biting her lip as she clenched around the toy. Not even a broken sink could kill the mood, you supposed. Besides, who else could make her feel this good?

[yn-x-animeboy]

Jungkook x y/n (as a famous artist) Pt. 1

request: mine, my brain made me write this

pairing: reader x Jungkook

genre: fluff, romance, for entertainment purposes

BTS x Fem Reader

sinopsis: You are a popular artist in America, pretty famous, loved and well-known by the general public (actually you were one of the top 10 artists in the world but you are pretty humble and naïve to realize your popularity), one day during one of your fan meets you talk about how much you love BTS, and not only how you wish to meet them and work with them but how Jungkook is one of your celebrity crushes. During the meet you fangirled with other ARMYs in the crowd; video clips of you fangirling and talking about BTS at your meet where posted and reposted all over social media. This obviously broke the internet because you were not only a famous singer but you also were always accepted and loved by ARMY and this made a lot of people happy. Suddenly it felt like everyone wanted you to meet the seven handsome and talented idols and collaborate, but you could only wish, you believed they didn't even know who you were...or so you thought.

Pt. 1- Introduction. Your fan meet

Basically every couple of months you like to organize small get-togethers with your supporters as a way to have a closer contact with them, to get to know them, as a fanservice and to just thank them in a way. Lately you have been noticing one specific group of fan pages dedicated to you who have been really interactive and supportive on twitter; 

promoting your latest music video and the recent EPISODE of: y/n’s camera roll uploaded to your oficial platforms (your team uploaded a weekly video=episode to your channel; almost like Run BTS. Each episode had a different theme and your fans loved it)  this group of fan pages is constantly on your main page, so you decided to contact them and fly them out for a day in L.A. for one of your infamous meets so you could meet them.

You don't normally film your fan meetings, they are normally just a one on one gatherings between you and your fans,  but your team thought it could be a good idea to record today’s meet and upload parts of it for your weekly EPISODE, these were greatly appreciated by your international fans and other fans who wanted to see a little more into your personal life.

You were currently hanging out with the small group of fans you invited over. A group of around 10 boys and girls were currently sitting on the fluffy carpeted floor and some were sitting on plush chairs randomly spread in front of you. (a/n i imagine this setting like the Zach Sang Show, for the Ariana Grande interview episodes) 

You were sitting in front of them on a small white couch for two. Once everyone was comfortably settled in, you introduced yourself and invited the others to do so as well, one by one telling you their name, username, pronouns, age, and fun facts about them. You smiled wide, happy to be able to meet such amazing people and also making mental notes to remember their names and facts. 

After the personal introductions your camera crew was set up and ready to start, you told your fans sitting in front of you about how today's meet was going to be recorded and asked for their consent to upload said video; and then proceed to open for the camera; 

“Hello everyone welcome to another episode of…. f** I don't even know what we call these videos, jajajaja” 

Your fans sitting in front of you stated the name of the youtube series in a heartbeat;

“Wait what?... jajajajaja omg guys thank you, I'm so sorry, yeah you heard them, welcome back to y/n’s camera roll, I can’t believe I forgot that, anyway today’s episode is a little different……” you proceed to explain what the episode was about and thanking the future viewers for tuning in and watching the video. “Waw what a long introduction, so, before we actually go on and have the meet while you guys at home enjoy, I want to introduce you to the lovely group of people who I have invited here today….” Again proceed to introduce your fans to the camera by name, trying to not miss anyone and not butcher any name in the process.

After the introduction is done you porcede to carry out the fan meet like you normally do, you normally have scheduled sections of activities during your meets to make them fun; For today’s meet you all played games and did a couple challenges with your fans; then you recorded a couple of tik toks and instagram stories your fans asked you to be in, and casually all hung out. After a while of comfortable chatting and laughter, you wanted to hype up the mood. You turned down the lights, turned on some color  LED lights and had a dance party with everyone invited, dancing and going all out to popular music.

After being all drained from the heavy physical activities, you ordered a variety of food for your fans, like pizza and pasta, sushi, tacos, snacks, etc. and had a muckbang/eating section for the episode as well.

You were having so much fun, you looked around while eating and just by looking at their excited and happy faces you couldn help but feel complete and thankful for all of your fans.

After filling up on food, you carried out the Q&A section of the meet, allowing fans to ask you personal questions and conversing on various topics. The camera director gave you instructions to proceed with the questions, you nodded and thanked him and the staff for their hard work, turning on your heel and sitting back in your spot you tuned to the main camera: “Hi, quick update, sorry I haven't been so interactive with the camera in this episode for everyone watching at home, but I have been having so much fun and I am not used to having a camera crew for my normal fan meets, I’m sorry. Anyway now we will move on, I am going to answer some questions and hopefully this is entertaining enough  for the EPISODE hahaha” the crew and fans present chucked as you finished the small interruption.

And the questions began. A girl sitting in the back, raised her hand and spoke; “yeah um, I’m sorry I wanted to  see if I could start the questions, idk if the others are okay with that”. The rest of the group nodded sweetly at her, others replied with short “yeah’s”. She then proceeded nervously “thankyou g-guys, um I’m sorry before my question, is there anything we cannot ask you or..?

You sweetly smiled at her shyness and consideration, you tried your best to make her comfortable, “You are so cute, hahaha, thankyou for being considerate, but I really can’t think of anything that I am not allowed to answer or talk about, let me ask my manager...do I Sam?” you shifted your upper body to the side where the crew was standing, your manager Sam shook his head, you don't really have any tea to be spilled anyway so he is pretty confident and comfortable allowing you to be 100% in control. 

“Okay if Sam says it’s cool, it's okay  jajaja. You can ask me anything”

The girl then proceeded to ask her question, and waited for you to answer.

Time went by, and it was pretty cool to see what your fans were interested in learning about you, after some time the group continued asking you questions like “who is your biggest inspiration? favorite song?, favorite thing about being on tour? what would you do if you weren't a singer? etc.

One of the boys in the group spoke; “Hi, y/n, can I ask you another question?” you nodded and signaled him to proceed; 

“I saw that you liked an instagram post about BTS a while back uploaded by a fan account and I also saw that you actually follow their personal twitter account. ALSO in your behind the scenes video for your music video shoot you can be seen in the background dancing the Boy with luv choreo. So I wanted to ask if you were an ARMY and if you know them personally? and like should we be expecting a collaboration soon?”

You chucked at his talking speed, curious questions and great detective skills.

 Before you answered you mentally told yourself to hold back and not go all cRAzY fAnGirL on them, you inhaled and answered:

“OMG hahaha I love you so much, what an amazing question, Okay so first off no I don’t know them personally and sadly no plans of collaboration are on sight. Oh wow I have never been asked if I liked BTS before, I’m excited hahaha. Yeah I am an ARMY, I love them so much I am one of their biggest fans, and they are also one of my biggest inspirations when it comes to work ethic and professionalism, listening to them or watching them gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, which is this. 

anyway I am rambling I should stop; you guys can say y/n stop whenever I start rambling okay? hahaha''

The group in front of you laughed and added some extra comments on your response.

After a couple comments back and forth you realized something… and asked out loud, 

“Wait so, how many of you guys here are actually ARMYs?”, 

all of the sudden the 10 fans sitting in front of you raised their hands. 

“So you guys are telling me literally everyone of you is a fellow ARMY and didn't tell me until now?” everyone chuckled and looked around surprises at the coincidence 

You were already feeling shy after talking so much about yourself before so you redirected the activity, “Guys should we actually talk about BTS for a bit? hahaha” you asked your fans

This made a girl raise her hand and ask: “Can I ask you a BTS question then? Okay so, who is your favorite member?

You loved the new conversation topic. You answered truthfully: “Well first off, I don't have a favorite member. I really mean it when I say this. I love them all equally and I love them all as a group. I don’t prefer one over the other or like one better.  I really do support them equally. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a bias, as long as you also respect the other members, hope that all made sense lol” Everyone seemed moved by your support towards them and nodded.

“Y/n so you don’t have a favorite, but do you have a crush on any of them?, like if you could date one of them right now, which one do you pick?” A fan asked.

You looked at her and really thought about how to answer said question in the best way possible; “okay...well...Like I said just to be clear I don't have favorites amongst the group members, but I do have a type…. I consider one of them to be my celebrity crush” you answered, starting out slow and finishing by blurting out the last part.

Your fans in front of you went crazy, they leaned over their seats wanting to feel closer to you and not miss anything you were saying as you took a breath to continue speaking.

“So in that case, if I had to pick someone that I would date in real life...i would say…. Jungkook'' The room was filled with surprised remarks, small comments and squeals.

“Omg guys chill hahaha, breathe, it's just a crush I don’t know him and it's not going to happen. It's just that I find him really attractive and he is my type.”

The fans kept raising their hands to ask you various questions about BTS,

the camera director and manager signaled you to get your attention after you finished answering other questions and told you you only had time for one more question before the fan meet was over.

“Okay guys so apparently we have time for one more question, so make it a good one, it can be about anything, shoot” you said as you leaned over to reach for your water bottle, swung the bottle and pointed to someone on the corner of your eye who seemed to have one last question, as you drank some water they asked: “I have a last BTS question if you don’t mind y/n” 

Still gulping water you moved your hand indicating them that is was okay and to go on,

“okay, um I just thought about this, do you have like a specific fantasy or make up scenario about BTS that you could only dream could come true; like I wish i could walk into a café shop and suddenly meet V, realizing we were reading the same book and covering for hours”

That was such a deep and personal question, you had never once thought anyone would be interested in what your fantasies where; you thought it might be boring for your fans if you went on and on about  stupid make believe scenarios that live in your head rent free. But seeing everyones approving faces over the question and the intrigued eyes they were shooting at you, you spoke: “I love that question, and your scenario is so cute, you should write a tumblr post about it, (a/n wink wink) well yeah I obviously have created fake scenarios in my head about BTS, past crushes, fake arguments even hahaha, there are so many BTS fake scenarios in my head…. hmm oh I know which one, okay so this fantasy of mine is about how I would meet them irl and work with them, I will make it quick”

You kinda chuckled at yourself, playing with the cap on your water bottle, you felt as if you were about to say something really cringy and embarrassing. You took a deep breath and started the narration of the sinopsis of your personal fanfic created by you. 

“Okay so, my literal fantasy is to one day meet them at a talk show, you know how hosts like will surprise their guests with something/someone they like?, I believe Ellen has done it multiple times where she surprised a guest with their idol or celebrity crush, you know?” The group nodded, invested in your fake scenario “Well i would be invited to like the Jimmy Fallon Show, where he would just randomly surprise me with BTS. Then I would be given the opportunity to introduce myself and tell them how much I love and support them. I would also be able to show them my Korean speaking skills, I learned Korean and Spanish back in school and I have never been able to actually use either them, lol, anyway...well after that we would all become really good friends, and we would collaborate and put out one or multiple songs for you guys. I mean that's basically it, I wish I could meet them, and become their friend and write songs with them, even produce songs with Suga or RM if I could'' you sighed as you ended your mini narration.

You continued; “But well, that's just a fake scenario I repeat, it's not real and it's not gonna happen, EVER. For now I will keep supporting and loving them with you and the rest of ARMY. I really doubt they even know who I am, anyway” you closed the conversation at that. Your fans seemed like they wanted to say something but your camera director called you over before anyone could say something else. You excuse yourself and walk over to the cameras and lights set up where the staff is.

*your fans were really confused, and this you didn't know, but your fans knew for a fact that BTS knew very well who you were. The fans even knew which member has continuously admitted to having a platonic crush on you for years now, ever since you first blew up, back when you were 16 and he was 17. Your fans knew how you are one of BTS’s favorite artists, and this was no secret, you could literally look all this information up... 

They didn’t understand how you could have no idea how famous you actually are* They talked amongst themselves about this while you talked to your team.

Your manager and camera director indicated you to do an outro for the video’s footage and other instructions. You nodded your head and smiled, you took a step back and bowed your head towards the staff behind the cameras and thanked them for their work.

You then walked towards the group of fans and told them you had to do an outro for the camera if that was okay with them; you then sat with them on the floor while side hugging the two fans next to you, you directed yourself to the camera:  “Okay guys so sadly today’s meet is now over, I am really sad I wish we could hang out for longer, thank you so much for coming and making today so fun and special” you then turned to the camera “And for my other amazing supporters who are going to watch this on youtube, today was just a little scoop into my life like the other y/n’s camera roll EPISODES, in case you are interested in other videos like this one you can visit head to the channel where this video was uploaded and watch more! hopefully you guys had fun with us! I adore you all, thank you! Please Spread love always, y/n out” you waved as the camera director said “CUT” and the crew cut the cameras.

Your manager then stood up and directed everyone to get ready to leave, also thanking them for always supporting you and taking care of you, you smiled at your amazing manager and looked back at your fans while they picked up their stuff, smiling sadly.

You said your goodbye to everyone one-by-one as they headed out.

After lots of farewell hugs, kisses, selfies, and gifts, you went home with a smile on your face for the amazing time you had.

You went to bed, turned your phone on silent mode and looked at your ceiling,  reliving that fake scenario you talked about a few hours ago, oh how you wished it could become real (a/n hehe wink wink). Finally dozing off and resting for the work-packed day you had tomorrow unaware that your social media was currently going crazy and how they yearned for your new weekly EPISODE to come out.

Part 2- Jungkook’s POV --------> here

thank you so much, please interact with me to let me know if you like this :) Xx

[votederpycausemufins]

next chapter of More Than One hahaha much angst in this chapter. at the very least i love angst with good endings!

@helleborusangel gets tagged for my writing, and yall can send asks if you want me to also tag you.

In the past day or so, Grum had done his best to research everything he needed. He had all his notes ready for what was still an unnamed war, but that’s normally how things started. Of course the hermits would choose sides, but based on what he knew about them so far, there were sides that were likely to form in similar ways to the mycelium war, with a few exceptions.

After that, he worked a bit more on his help for his daddy and catching him up on what he missed while sick. It didn’t take too long, as other hermits were able to do the same since he could move around, but Grum liked being able to help his daddy.

The other stuff didn’t need to be worked with too much, since if he compared everything to boxes or chests, that was mostly the junk chest. Or more likely miscellaneous. In other words, something that didn’t matter that much right now.

The last was everything with being a kid. Grum took his free time to research what kids normally did, see how Jrum acted, maybe read a few books on the topic, and he was pretty sure he had it down. Now today he was going to test out if he was right, and his first stop was in his Dad’s base.

Grum arrived at the basement of the mansion before taking the elevator upstairs, which was obviously the most fun option opposed to taking the stairs or flying, so he was off to a great start. The next stop was his dad’s closet, which was practically a room of it’s own. In researching, dress up was a common activity for kids, so this would be a perfect activity for him to do. Especially if it ended up in a mess that needed to be cleaned later. A mess he would need to refuse to clean at first of course. Jrum hated getting cleaned up after a redstone project, and other kids seemed to hate the job of cleaning up, or rather, the chore. Because kids got chores, not jobs.

For most of the clothes, they all better fit his dad, which made them too big on Grum, but that was supposed to add to the charm. He even started off with a well worn sweater that had been stretched a bit bigger than the others, really emphasizing the look. Once he put it on, the collar dipped a bit low, and the hem nearly reached his knees while the sleeves when unrolled draped over his hands. Looking in a nearby mirror, Grum couldn’t help but smile at how silly he looked.

Grum took the sweater off and went to hang it up before stopping himself and letting it lay on the floor, nodding in approval at the way the fabric lay on the ground in a messy fashion. His next choice was a black hoodie that was a similar side, but baggy near the bottom. Still, it didn’t quite feel right, so Grum tossed it aside.

He huffed a little while looking at all the clothes. While sure, he was smaller than his dad, the difference between him and his dad was much slimmer than him and his daddy, or Jrum and their dad. But then he spotted something that hung a bit lower on a hanger.

Walking over, Grum saw what was the same color as most of his dad’s sweaters, but more of a jacket or a robe. Putting it on, the fabric draped past his knees, and it was easy enough to wrap around him. Perfect. Reinvigorated by the nice find, Grum started going through the closet, putting the sweater jacket to the side and trying on a number of other outfits.

At first, Grum had been very methodical about the whole thing, but over the course of trying everything on, he sort of stopped treating it like a thing he had to do and actually just did it for fun. He was having so much fun in fact, he didn’t notice the clatter from outside, especially since nothing immediately came from it. But a few minutes later, he stopped when he heard someone speak.

“Jrum, is that you in there?” Grum heard his daddy ask, and couldn’t help but frown a little at the fact that it was assumed he was his brother.

“Nope. I’m Grum.”

“Oh. Well, what are you doing in there?”

“Playing dress up.” Grum replied, taking that as an opportunity to put on some shoes he found, which didn’t quite fit his feet, but it was fun to wear them anyway.

Mumbo said something a bit too quiet for Grum to hear, but then he stepped into the closet, trying not to step on any clothes. When he got close to Grum, the bot turned to look over at his Daddy with a smile, Mumbo chuckling a little at the way Grum was dressed. The bot had kept the cardigan sweater on, but underneath was a bright lime green tank top. Below that was a hot pink skirt that Mumbo recognized as belonging to ‘Ariana Griande’ and Grum was currently putting on the second in a pair of very woolly boots.

“Well, it certainly looks like you were having fun, but your dad was worried about you and I think you should let him know things are fine.”

Grum was a little disappointed, but reluctantly nodded. “Do I need to take everything off?”

“No, I think staying dressed up will help your case.”

.

.

.

It turned out staying in their outfit really did help Grum’s case. Grian was at first worried about something with robots and closets, but upon seeing Grum, the bot could barely explain themself before Grian lit up and cooed over how adorable Grum looked. He scrambled to get his comm out to take pictures while Grum smiled, their screen flickering a magenta color which neither of their dads managed to catch, and it was gone by the time Grian finally took some pictures.

From there, Grum was allowed to back in the closet and dress up a few more times, feeling themself smile more and more as their dads took pictures, and by the end, their dad offered to make some more outfits so they could have more to play with. Grum of course said yes, but then came the dreaded clean up, and they started work on that. They sighed when they started, and over time, Grum could feel it become less of a game and more of a chore for him, which was how it was planned, but he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

After everything was all cleaned up, he mentally checked that off his list and looked at what was next. He didn’t know what his brother was up to, but he was hoping that playing pretend would be okay on his own. The hermits certainly seemed to come up with stories on their own, so he could do the same. Since Jrum always used Scar’s village, Grum tried to think of a different place, eventually settling on Cleo and Keralis’ city.

When he arrived in the city, Grum put down a shulker box and unloaded all his items into it, then put the shulker into his inventory. His whole goal was to make a story while walking the streets, which would hopefully be helped by the presence of the armor stands littered around. He looked around, trying to figure out where exactly to start from, eventually noticing the main road ending near the ferris wheel and deciding to start from there. Ideas ranged from a kid out on their own for the first time or one who was separated from their family. Eventually he settled on the first idea, not wanting to figure out being a worried child.

Grum took a moment to mess with his ‘boxes’ and ‘files’, then he walked over to the outdoor bar area and took a seat, looking around. The place wasn’t that populated, the area down the street having all the armor stands, so it was up to Grum’s imagination. He stared, half glaring at the empty spaces, willing for something to appear to help him along. But nothing happened, making him imitate a sigh. Well, time to figure it out.

He had gotten off the Ferris wheel. And then he came to this… empty stall… no not empty. The… the owner just had to step away for a lunch break, because they can’t eat their own food all the time. It would hurt profits. But the food was a balance in taste, portion and price, so Grum was willing to wait.

He actually waited a bit too long, forgetting about playing pretend, then he reminded himself and was served an invisible bowl of redstone, which he ‘ate’, then he was off to explore more of the city. He didn’t get that far before joining a pair of armor stands, pretending they were the ones taking him to visit the city.

Thinking of them as parents didn’t fit right, especially since they were outfitted with masks of two other hermits, who were definitely not his dads, but technically, he wasn’t Grum right now he was… Well, Grum looked between the masks of Cub and Stress. Maybe Cress? That sounded like an okay name to pretend with. Yeah, Cress was a kid growing up in the city with their dads- er, parents. And they took a trip today to the ferris wheel and now… Grum looked around before spotting one of the armor stands set up to look like they were trapped in webs, and remembered the superheroes. That was perfect. They- Cress- was going to see the heroes and get enamored and run off. So they did that.

They pretended that they were at first watching the villains get beat up by Spider-Cleo, then suddenly the super villains game in to fight her, getting it to a one on two situation. Almost as soon as they had thought of that, Grum noticed the darker clouds rolling in and the rumbling of thunder. It was a perfect mood change.

As the bot went through the streets, they couldn’t help but giggle a little at a spider managing to spawn in a darker area. Of course a spider army was being summoned to help fight the bad guys. Grum still needed to fight it off, but it was fun either way. Simply a mind controlled spider that was being turned.

Grum made their way East at the end of the street, passing by some people spray painting a wall with some familiar faces. Then after a bit more, they went South through a bit of a tunnel. The street didn’t have much on it, but obviously everything was pretty dangerous right now, so Cress was going to have to go from building to building to hide from the fighting if they wanted to keep watching.

The first building wasn’t that exciting since Grum took one look at the elevator and decided he didn’t want to go up that high. The next building seemed like some sort of office space, but it had big windows, so ‘Cress’ was glad to use those to watch the ‘battle’. The last building Grum almost missed, not being as fancy as the others and having normal wooden doors as an entrance. They still noticed it of course, but failed to look at the logo on top of it, or rather, the face, being too caught up in the game they were playing.

So Grum walked into the building, and was instantly bombarded by leftover posters from the election. Specifically for the Get Gorgeous campaign. Grum stood there, frozen as he looked between everything around them in the room. They tried to keep from panicking, screen flickering pink, but it was too much, and they ran out the door, a zombie or something from within the nearby walls making a noise that spooked the bot.

They ran out of the building, the first thing they noticed being the jungle in the distance. Just wanting to go home, they ran in that direction, only to get stopped at the end of a pier, a wall in the water ahead stopping them from making any progress. With the mix of their panic and the darkness from the storm, Grum thought they saw something out of the corner of their eye and ran the other way, back into the city, now worse than before.

At first, they were running right back to the building they just left, but then they took a sharp left turn down an alley. They passed one armor stand before seeing another, backlit in a horrible way that when Grum crashed into it, they looked up and screamed, once again running away. They took another turn to go down the labeled ‘Crime Alley’ before crashing into someone else, this time being grabbed. “Grum, what’re you doin’ ‘ere? Where’s Grian ‘n Mumbo? Where’re yer dads?”

.

.

.

Cleo was able to call Doc over quickly enough, him already meeting with Keralis. Mumbo showed up next, Grian apparently retrieving Jrum. After that were Iskall and Stress, Iskall being the most helpful in explaining what exactly he had done when messing with Grum’s circuits the first time around.

At first, Grum felt pushed on the sidelines, everyone talking about him and not to him. But while Doc was busy talking with Mumbo and Iskall, meaning Stress was also in a similar position. Because of that, after a few minutes, the bot scooted over to Stress.

“How’re you doin’ luv?” Stress asked when she noticed Grum, trying to sound positive, but Grum could tell she was worried, probably about him.

“Okay.” Grum answered. “I just got spooked by monsters, that’s all. I don’t know why everyone’s worried.”

“Well, you are still young. I’m sure it’s jus’ when Cleo called yer dads, they might’ve panicked as much as you were.” Stress explained, comforting Grum.

“I guess. But it’s just frustrating cuz I was just playing and now I’ve been stopped for… it feels like nothing.” Grum pouted. “Jrum never has to deal with stuff like this when he’s playing.”

Stress frowned just a little. “Well after he went missing, everyun reacted the same way luv. If I remember correctly, he was sorta grounded a bit after runnin’ off like that.”

Grum sighed, but then nodded. “I guess. But I didn’t just run away! I said where I was gonna be! And I can’t control the weather but I did well.” The bot argued, and then Stress tried to calm him a bit, pulling him in a hug. “I just wanted to play… why is that so bad?”

“It’s not luv.” Stress answered, only briefly moving away from the hug to shoo Doc from getting closer and upsetting the bot even more.

“Can we just go home?” Grum then spoke up, making Stress look towards Mumbo to see what he thought. Then, before anyone could say more, Grum quickly spoke again, throwing everyone off. “Please Mum?”

.

.

.

Grum crept towards his dad’s room, hoping he could wake one of them up to cuddle with after his nightmare. Ever since the incident at the city followed by what happened with Stress, things had gotten seemingly worse. Doc was constantly over to talk with Grum’s dads. Stress too sometimes, though more infrequently. Etho also seemed to stop by here and there, conversing about redstone, specifically Grum’s internal workings.

All the events and talks and whatnot didn’t help Grum, the bot being kept in the dark to the point he started eavesdropping, wanting some clue on what was going on, why everyone was acting as scared as he felt. And the stress from that led to nightmares which ended up making things worse. So now he was hoping that maybe he could wake up one of his dads and have some way to calm down.

But instead it didn’t seem he would have to, as when Grum approached the door, he could hear them talking. It made him hesitate for a moment, not wanting to interrupt them, but this was sort of important. And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t already started listening into conversations. Maybe what they were talking about would be enough to help. Or instead, as Grum started listening, it could make it worse.

“-what would you suppose we tell Jrum?” Though he was speaking quietly, Grum recognized his daddy’s voice as the one talking.

“I don’t know!” his dad replied, sounding upset, voice in a harsh whisper. “Maybe we just turn him off too!”

Turn him off? Too? Were Grum’s dads planning to… to shut him off for good? Is that what everyone kept visiting about?

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do! Grum’s already breaking, so it’s only a matter of time before the same happens with Jrum, and the end of the season is so close. No one would notice if we didn’t bring them along.”

Grum was frozen in place. Sure, things seemed like a mess to him, but… but he was a kid. It couldn’t actually be that bad. He was just overreacting and the Hermits would be able to help. Should be able to help. But instead they were going to, what? Get rid of the problem? And then get rid of Jrum as well? “Grian, you know the Hermits would notice.”

“Then we make an excuse. Maybe we just send them away instead so no one can find out.” And Grum just stared at the door. They didn’t want it. They were going to throw it out. Make it someone else’s problem. And even hearing all of this, it just felt numb, all the panic and worry gone and filled with… nothing.

Mumbo said more, but Grum didn’t listen any more. Just turned around and walked back. Past the bedroom and down the hall. If it wasn’t wanted. It would leave. Easy as that. It did gather simple supplies. An old diamond sword, some gold boots and a number of rockets to use with its replacements for elytra.

After a bit of hesitation, it also gathered a large amount of charged redstone. Grum didn’t need to eat, but it needed to stay charged, so with a lack of a mobile charger, the special redstone would work as a substitute. Plenty of supplies for a long journey.

The elevator down to the basement was too loud, so Grum simply walked outside and down the main steps. It went through the main portal there, and trekked to the main portion of the nether hub, reaching the section just below bedrock and starting on the East tunnel before heading North. The same direction that Jrum had a while ago on his adventure.

Using about a dozen rockets, Grum found itself in the upside down, the furthest in the nether it was aware that the hermits had gone, at least in terms of with created pathways. In the mirrored version of the mansion, a portal was already created, giving Grum access back to the overworld, and into a village on the other side.

It was still night of course, the villagers asleep and the iron golem of the place keeping the place protected. Grum stared at it for a moment, thinking about how it had much more use than itself, wondering if it would do better to stay and assist. But no. As long as Grum were defective, the Hermits might come looking for it, which they could while active. So if Grum was doing to decide one last thing, it would be when it shut down.

The robot looked at its supply of six remaining rockets. Those would dictate how far it would go. And then it would find a cave, and turn off for good. After using the first rocket to help take off, Grum started gliding, knowing that based on the conditions when flying, the boost of a single rocket could last virtually indefinitely. A few mountains as well as weather in the area changed the conditions for the worse, but Grum still got pretty far, going directly North for so much of the journey.

When down to two rockets, Grum suddenly went east, knowing that after such a long straight path, a sudden curve would be completely impossible to find. After that, it was just looking for a place to finally stop, Grum using the final rocket to reach a floating island with a single tree and two sheep.

Grum dug into the dirt under the tree, making a place to stay, even using its sword to chip at the stone to get deeper. Then Grum used the dirt to block up most of the way in, though still giving a way to view the landscape ahead. It checked the coordinates, seeing that they were North 22,936 blocks from the shopping district, where the center of the world stood. No way to be found as long as they were on. And so. Grumbot turned itself off.

.

.

.

Jrum woke up early, as if knowing was something was wrong to begin with. With everything that had been happening with his brother, he had had to be the more responsible one. Having to do that made him glad that he didn’t need to do it all the time, but also wonder if Grum had to deal with something so exhausting himself and that helped explain what was going on. It was probably something to bring up to their dads. Well, maybe later, because there was something a little more important right now.

Even though it was so early, Grum wasn’t in bed and connected to his charger. Jrum unplugged himself to check his brother’s charger, worried to see that it was cold from disuse. It wouldn’t be that cold if he had woken up early, so he either hadn’t used it last night or stopped in the middle of the night.

That fact wasn’t entirely concerning. Grum had already had night where a nightmare left him with their dads. So there was a good change that had simply happened again. But for some reason, Jrum couldn’t shake the thought that something was wrong, so instead of going back to bed, or finding a book to read to pass the time or something else, he got up and walked to their dads’ room and knocked on the door. And Jrum was very glad he did when the response from behind the door was ‘Who is it?’

“It’s Jrum. Is Grum in there? He’s not in bed.” The bot asked, and there was a moment of silence before frantic movement came from the other side of the door. Grian opened the door, having already thrown his sweater on while Mumbo was quickly buttoning his shirt.

“What do you mean Grum’s not in bed?” Grian asked as Jrum scanned the bedroom in case somehow his brother was there with no one realizing it.

“I mean he’s not in bed. His charger’s cold and everything. I thought he would be here because of that.”

Before Grian could ask anything more, Mumbo spoke up, communicator in hand and elytra on even though he hadn’t put in his blazer or tie. “Grum’s offline. He’s not even appearing on the world list. We need to go see Xisuma. I’ve already sent something in chat.”

“Wait but where was he last?” Grian asked, knowing the system they had on the bots should be helpful in a situation like this.

“It’s just giving an error, which is why I want to see X right away. Jrum, do you want to stay here or come with us?”

Jrum looked between his dads, quickly thinking it over. If the roles were flipped, what would Grum do? Well, he didn’t need to think too hard. It had already happened. And Grum had stayed at home in case he came back while their dads were looking. “I’m gonna stay here, just in case.”

Grian nodded and then gave Jrum a long tight hug until Mumbo was pulling him away to leave. It seemed a little odd to Jrum, assuming they were just worried about him. He didn’t know that both his dads had a very good idea of what might have happened and when Grum disappeared.

Mumbo and Grian were resting after plenty of searching. They had visited Xisuma and told him about what happened, at least what they knew of everything. He agreed to look into it while the pair joined the other hermits in looking for Grum, the admin confirming there was nothing that showed the bot had left the world.

The two had searched for a while until Grian managed to injure his wing. While he was still physically fine to fly, Mumbo could tell the same couldn’t be said for mentally, so they returned to Grian’s base to rest. Grian kept trying to go back out searching, eventually admitting he needed something to keep his mind away from the thought it was all his fault.

Mumbo did his best to comfort Grian, giving him reassurances, when there was a knock on the bedroom door. “Do either of you have a moment?” It was Xisuma’s voice, which made Mumbo smile slightly and look back at Grian.

“See, that didn’t take far too long. I’m sure he’s found Grum. You stay here while I talk with him and I’ll find out what’s going on.” And Mumbo gave one more comforting hug before leaving the room hopefully, before his expression fell at Xisuma’s. “What’s wrong? I’m assuming you found Grum. Is he hurt?”

The admin shook his head. “I don’t know. That’s the thing. I can’t find him. I’ve checked and… well, it’s something you should see for yourself.” and he took off his helmet, which surprised Mumbo, who knew the admin needed it to breathe.

Before the redstoner could say more, the helmet was put on his own head and Xisuma was pressing a button on the side of the helmet. The list of people in the world appeared, Grum’s name missing from the list, then another button and the screen projected on the inner visor flashed red. After reading the words a few times, Xisuma pulled the helmet back, but Mumbo was still left comprehending the text.

/search information Minecraft:player_name{Grumbot} Error: Player does not exist

[one-last-puku]

Hey Puku, I’m not really sure if interaction with your posts are okay, or if you even want asks/asks related to that, however I’m in a similar spot. I, myself doesn’t know how to deal with this either. It’s just a awful situation that drags you down no matter how you view it, I bet it’s pretty exhausting for you. I’m not really sure where I want to go with this, but I just want you to know that you’re not alone.

I hope that’s okay, and one day, hopefully, everything will feel okay. Sending hugs \o/

Awh

I don't mind, to be honest, I mostly just worry about being unhealthy to anyone who follows me; and I don't know what it is, but sometimes if I tag my posts with the proper tw, I'll get someone I've never interacted with before, who's not a mutual, send me a dm about it. They'll be like "you can always talk to me", something related to asking me not to go through with offing myself (even if I was sure I didn't write anything that made it seem like I was), and I know they're trying to be caring to a fellow person, but for me it kinda just feels weird because they only saw the one post and don't actually know my current mental state. Also, I can't help but feel guilty about feeling that way because I know they are doing it out of a place of empathy and I have also been on that side of just wanting to help anyone who seems to be crying out for help. As one who has been there, looking, actively seeking to help others, for me in the past has been also somewhat because I was also lonely, so it makes me feel a bit more guilty.

I generally don't mind considering mutuals friends even if unofficially, because more than likely, we found each other through a or similar interest(s), and as mutuals we have the chance to sort of get to know each other through our posts.

So anyway, no worries, thank you for reaching out! And I also hope if you see my posts, perhaps it make you feel less alone, too! 💖 That was also part of why I post some of them. I use this blogging format to help my mind sort out and process the things, supposedly that's the whole point of PTSD. Your brain forces you to keep revisiting the trauma until it's been able to fully process the memory and can finally store it as a memory from the past so the person can hopefully move on and lead a healthier life with a brain better equipped to handle different stresses and trauma in the future.

The problem is, when PTSD becomes more like a disorder, hense the D part of the acronym. It's like a glitch in the trauma recovery system, causing it to interfere with your daily life for a very long time, apparently at least more than one month. I haven't been able to shoo mine away for well over 2 years, well for the more pressing issue as of late. It's possible I've been dealing with cptsd due to my childhood, but never knew until I started researching more about these subjects dealing with traumas. Interestingly enough, the "obsession" my brain has had with the most recent thing, has actually forced me to become a makeshift psychology student (like at home with my internet, not formal academia and training, so my knowledge is null. lol) for the last going on 3 years come fall. Always listen to the person with the phD, not my hick ass. Gahahaha (No, seriously, I don't wanna be sued! XD)

But yesssss! I'm constantly exhausted! The fact you can say that probably means you're exhausted, too. I guess we can be exhausted sleepy babies together. Sleep, sleep, sleep!!! Do it for your drained battery, it's good for you!

You're right though, someday we'll be okay! I hope so anyway! We just gotta keep fighting! And more sleep!! We got this, mate!

*biggest bear hugs for my mate who remains anonymous*

I'm just in a good mood this morning, hahaha! And perhaps, a lot of it I can thank you and your message here for, my friend!

Sending some of these excess positive vibes your way, friend. 💖💖💖🌟

[shyrose57]

2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.

3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 

You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 

4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 

10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 

12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.

13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.

Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)

14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 

15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 

2: I fear the day.

3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.

I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?

4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?

10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)

12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 

13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?

Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 

14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.

15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.

[cata-linaa]

Hello, how are you? Okay, well not gonna lie it's my first time requesting anything, so I would like to request a match-up. If possible. :) If I have any mistakes you are more than welcome to correct me or tell me to do it again.

I am 20 years old, female and from Germany. I study medicine, am in the 2nd year. I can speak five languages and am currently learning Icelandic - I don't know why to be all honest- and love to read and draw in my free time. I am also in a MMA club, it's my fourth year now -it's a miracle that I'm still alive, hahaha- and I've played football for seven years. Because of the pandemic we are not allowed to participate in any sports, so I'm rather at home and studying. I also love volleyball, not gonna lie, I've watched HQ because of it. I never played volleyball professionally but I would like to. The adrenaline when I play with some friends is indescribable! To my personality, well I am really "direct", if something doesn't add up in my mind I would not hesitate to tell my opinion. I am a really good listener and give amazing advices, in my 20 years I've been through a lot, my mind is like a 70 year old person's. Due some traumatic experiences, I've developed depression and its best friend anxiety. Even though I have the feeling that I have no friends -which I have but, I don't know how to explain, it's more like you try to keep the friendship up, ya know?- I have depression and anxiety right next to me as my friends, they come and go to check up on me can't deny their effort for that. Damn, I wrote a lot. However, to the last things, I have brown hair and hazel-green eyes. If you want to know anything else -which I don't think- Hahaha.

I wish you a nice day! ❤

hello hello! sorry this is so late, my life is VERY funny, and by funny i mean I’m a piñata, and life is a blindfolded child with their older sibling’s metal baseball bat. But i’m hopefully going back to my semi-sporadic schedule, maybe posting once every week or two, or if i’m feeling extra inspire-y i’ll do more :)

yo anon you’re legitimately one of the coolest people ever from this description alone my smoker lungs could never do sports tf i’m jealous-

anyways, are you ready…. to…..RUMBLLLLLLLEEEEE?!!!

i match you with… 

HAJIME IWAIZUMI (27) ATHLETIC TRAINER (woooooo!!)

Lucky lucky you!!! (this got very long I got carried away-)

Listen, I can already TELL this one is gonna be a good one

You’re a polyglot? He could listen to you speak all day, he would even try to help you learn another language with flash cards, even if he has no idea, you’re you, it’s important! 

He can’t draw, but he sits at the kitchen table with you nevertheless, and has some fancy art paper and materials for you (because you deserve it) and some 8x11 printer paper and a 12 pack of colored pencils he purchased form the local corner store. He often wants to draw you, the warped ms paint-looking drawings are quite charming, and you find yourself keeping them in your bag, or on your desk. 

You in turn, give him a portrait you drew over the course of a while to him as a part of a birthday gift, and he brings it wherever his job takes him, pressed neatly in a clipboard or notebook, he sometimes brushes his fingers over the lines drawn by you as if it was strands of your hair

Imagine this real quick: medicine??? Being an athletic trainer??? those studies are kind of similar, so y’all would meet in class hypothetically in the weird idea bank that is my head

Iwa is a complete sucker for interesting features in someone, green eyes? He will melt, and thinks about your eyes and how they light up when you smile, when you look at him he genuinely loses his train of thought and starts to lose his cool and stutter a little bit, oikawa teases him a lot about it, you two are close and 

it’s a match made in hell when you two go party together, and you guys have to get Iwa to come pick you guys up (i feel like every writer on here has made a post about this very scenario, its just canon at this point)

When you had your football games, (idk what position you play but i hope you mean the soccer kind of football bc thats what i’m imagining) he’s always at the edge of his seat on the side of the field, if you score a goal/block a goal he stands up and he’s cheering for you, or even better, when you look at him, he has the most supportive look In his eyes, and smiles at you, and shit, the other team knows they can’t stand a chance now. 

When you’re doing MMA, he finds that SO HOT PLS- 

Forbid if you ever get hurt while doing sports, he will run to your sides where he is watching you and make sure everything is okay, because he can’t have someone else go through that, not on his watch ouch lmao sorry

you two often play sports together in the park or something, maybe a morning run or two to keep yourselves active during the pandemic (can you tell i’ve barely ever even thought about athletics i’m so sorry) 

You guys definitely have one of those friend groups where you do shit like climb a mountain or do a bootcamp for fun and post it on social media

The two of you look GOOD in athleticwear together. 

strong people are his absolute weakness, both physical and mentally

When he sees you caught up in a rant, even if its about something serious, a part of him smiles, since that passionate energy is what attracted him to you in the first place

when you told oikawa that he looked ugly in the outfit he picked out, Iwa laughed so hard he couldn’t fucking BREATHE for like ten minutes

On a more serious note, when you’re not feeling your best, he stops everything to make you feel better. One call and he could be on the next car ride, bus, train, or flight home, ready to tell you that you are loved and valid. Everyone loves your presence, he reminds you, and if your’e comfortable with it, he invites oikawa and the rest of your friend group for a self-care/movie night, just to show you just how much everyone wants to be around and how they and him will just show up to you, no matter what. 

He’s your safe space, and wants to spend every part of his life with the thing that matters most- you. 

[inkykeiji]

How do you get motivated to write things? Like what is your process ? Do you listen to music, do mood boards or do you simply just write?

hello sweetpea!! <33 eeeee let’s get into this under the cut!!

first of all, i’m so flattered you asked me this ehehehe so thank you for that!! i answered a question about motivation and inspiration recently which i’m going to link you to right here. BUT i’m also gonna share with you an exercise my screenwriting prof shared with me, and hopefully that’ll help a little (at least with keeping the flow going n things) as well!!

i always say creativity is a muscle right? we all have it, you just have to actively exercise it to strengthen it. there’s so many ways to do that, but one good method that he taught me (that his agent taught him ehehehe) is this:

every day, write down three ideas. they don’t need to be fully formed ideas. they can be anything, a character (if you’re writing fanfiction maybe this can be an AU version of a character? or an oc/reader? or you can just skip character completely), a location, one line of dialogue, etc etc etc. you do this until you have 50-100 written down. then you pick ten, and write one paragraph for each describing the plot. THEN, you pick THREE of these and write one page summaries of their plots, much more fleshed out and all that. AND THEN, you pick one out of these and write a script (or, in our case, a fic!)

more generally/personally:

for me personally (and as i mentioned in the answer i linked you to!), as stupid as it might sound, i literally love writing so much that that IS my motivation. i’m constantly striving to improve my art and it’s all i want to do with my life etc etc etc, and i’ve got so many projects on the go that when i get stuck on one i just switch to another. it’s still frustrating of course, but i’ve been writing for so long that if i don’t write for a day i feel like trash and a failure and a bunch of other yucky things hahaha

BUT, like i also said in the answer linked above, there’s a very fine line between pushing yourself and overworking yourself, and only YOU know what that line is for yourself, because everyone’s limits differ. if you’re new to writing, or you’re new to writing every day, even just being able to write a few lines of prose or some dialogue or just an IDEA is a fantastic start!! just getting into that habit of writing everyday is really great!!

aaaaah i hope this helps a little anon <333 my WRITING PROCESS on the other hand is best described as organized chaos ehehehe but yes!! these are the things that work for me. motivation is difficult to speak about because it’s such a personal thing, but i truly hope this helps u a bit!!

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[sporadic-writer]

Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 2

Note: ok so I know that not all of the boys, meaning both twins, live with the others. And I know my update schedule sucks but I go in a block and funk. Sorry guys. I just want you to read something I would read and truly enjoy. Also, I think I may make this a Haz fic bc ones about hin deserves more love and notes.

No one really reads these but I also think I'll write this for Harrison bc when Tom posted the pic of Nadia, it shattered the illusion in my head lol and it feels weird to a certain extent to write when he is most likely dating her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for him and he doesn't know I exist, but it feels odd idk. So im pausing on Tom stuff atm lol. Harrison is single as far as publicly that ik so thats that 😅

Pairing: Harrison x Reader (most likely)

Warnings: mentions of weed, alcohol, and swearing. I enjoy all these things responsibly and ik im not the only one. As always stop reading if you dont like something.

Part 1 here initial teaser here (got around 100 notes soo 😎 check that out)

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“Alrighty boys. That’s enough about me, tell me about yourselves. I only know this one from the big screen and that 2 of you are brothers.” You gestured to Tom as you spoke about him. “And from basic eavesdropping I gather you are all very close.” 

Tom smiled, “Actually I’m a brother to the twins, older obviously.” It was fun having a celeb lounging in your hot tub, drinking a beer with you. “But yeah I am an actor, Spider-Man as you probably know. Harrison’s an actor too!”

“Oh my god you are! I watched Catch-22 on Hulu! Comedy my ass..! I balled my eyes out several times.” He had the nerve to laugh in response. “Don’t laugh! That shit got intense quick. Then the shot where you all are swimming? Killed me. I don't know how I didn't notice you. Sorry!”

“Did you at least like it?” He smiled and asked hopefully. When you nodded yes he beamed! “Well then that’s all that matters. I will say an American accent is hard.”

You brought your beer up to your lips. “Yeah because your guys’ accent is so easy. You make fun of how different areas in America have different accents but it’s the same here!” They nodded in agreement at your words. You leaned your head back a tad and enjoyed the warm water. “Southern accents have different twangs bepending on the area, I have family that lives closer to New England, that's something all in its own. Just like here. You got London, Wales, some place called Essex and other places more north of here. It's not just the US." You reached over for your joint to finish it amongst the bubbles. "Now for real. Tell me about yourselves. Harrison you start I guess."

"Why me?"

"Shorter wikipedia page." You smirk as you re-lit your herb. The guys laughed and made 'ooh' noises to tease. "I'm kidding! Relax a touch. I just picked your name because you are right in front of me."

"Well I've known this lot since we were all kids. Tom and I went to school together and we have been stuck with each other since. I was his personal assistant for a while too." You listened as he spoke. Sweat was building up on his face from the hot tub. It added a nice shine to his, and everyone's faces. In order to avoid makeup running everywhere you sat up as you listened to him. You watched his eyes watch your movements as you took a hit and slowly exhaled. Almost like he was relaxing from watching someone relax from getting high without actually doing so. He kept going and you realized you zoned out a tad. "And then I wanted to do more than just model so I did more auditions and Catch-22 became my biggest so far."

You nodded, noting you heard and were listening. "That's cool and all but tell me like favorite song, movie, animal! Hahaha it isn't everyday famous people are in my hot tub. I'm going to savor this first encounter!" He smiled and answered your sort of questions. You offered the joint around before it finished. Tom passed, Tuwaine and Harrison took quick hits though. "But yeah that is me. Now someone else go so I don't have the spot light on me anymore." He looked at you as he said that and handed you the last bit. You winked in thanks, and to flirt lightly. (Shoot your shot right?) "Same questions to you love."

You responded your favorite song, movie, and color to him. "Yeah I like a bit of everything. But funny movies are my favorite. Obviously I like Marvel too Tom don't worry. Same goes for music but my preference ranges from new pop to older rock. I grew up on 80s alternative pop stuff." You smiled at him and he beamed in pride at the brand he represented. "Ok Sam you now."

Sam starts talking about his life and Harrison goes to grab more drinks. At this point the sun as almost finished setting and you tell the blonde how to turn the deck lights on. Soon the rows of edison bulbs flick on and a lovely mood is set. The glow isn't too bright and adds a nice light to your summer tanned skin. What you don't know is that the gentlemen appreciated the glow as well. However, they are too polite to say anything too bold after just meeting you.

If you could read minds or be sober enough to detect a certain lack of subtlety you would pick up on how the single men checked you out as you got out of the tub to get rid of the roach. Polite of course, 20 something men are going to appreciate a beautiful American girl right in front of them.

And if they could read your mind they would hear how you were taking in Tom and Harrison's jaw lines and toned muscles. How you appreciated Tuwaine's smile and height. Then add the twin's curls and freckles to the list and they'd think you were picking them like boys from a catalogue. Despite the slight oggling on your part, your eyes always wandered back to the blonde hair blue eyed boy the most. He seemed a little more laid back then Tom. Probably just because one was working more than the other, but that was just initial vibes you got. Regardless of vain appearance choices and vibe preference, all these boys were wonderful and you were just lucky enough your uncle's hot tub fit them all nicely.

Tuwaine smiled cheekily and spoke up. "Alright, we all have fresh drinks and proper buzzes. Let's make it fun and play a game. So Y/N, you went to college in the states, give us a classic drinking game and show us what you got."

"Ha! I don't know what you're looking for but I assume never have I ever is universal? You can't play kings or flip cup in a hit tub. Hold up 5 fingers, put them down if you've done said thing, drink as well."

"No fingers, just play till we are right pissed." Harry grinned and everyone else went along with it. "I will start. Never have I ever- wait this a normal game or sexy version?"

You said you didn't care and Tom said what the hell, so he continued. "Never have I ever gotten walked in on during a scandelous activity." Tom and Harrison both drank and groaned saying they have both walked in on each other at some point in life. Tuwaine continued.

"Never have I ever fooled around while someone else is in the room." There was a pause and no one drank. But then you rose your beer to your lips and they all looked at you in a manner of surprise and demand for explination.

Shrugging you said, "Old drunken hookup in school. We didn't know his roommate was in his top bunk asleep until it was too late. The mistake we made was keeping on going when we thought we heard him, because we did..."

"Wow Y/N. Learning a lot about the neighbor girl right away!"

"Shut up this game was your idea!" You laughed as you spoke in response to his teasing. "But whatever it's my turn now anyway. Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person." That got all but Harrison and you felt proud for getting them. "Alright so you are either morons or were in a rush to send that sext."

Tom defended himself saying her name was Sam and it was instant regret the second he realized.

Sam glared at him and said, "Yeah no one enjoyed that bro. I'm still shaken up about it."

"Get over yourself it was like 5 years ago! And you accidentally sent your friend Jake one, so pot, kettle, hi both black."

"It was detailed!"

You just sat there amused taking this all in. "I am so glad this happened tonight." You said more to yourself than them.

"Darling if this ends up in the tabloids we will never speak again." They were teasing with the threat. "But come on this is good let's keep going. Never have I ever done it in a car." You, Sam, and Tuwaine all drank and giggled.

The game continued on and another round of drinks were had. You learned Tuwaine had said the wrong name in bed. Also, that both Harry and Harrison have fooled around during family functions. In return they learned that you've hooked up in a college classroom and in a restaurant bathroom. That ended up getting you and your former boyfriend kicked out of the establishment. Towards the final round all were getting sleepier but still in a good mood.

"Never have I ever had sex high." Harrison challenged the group. No one drank. "Wait really? Thought I'd get you with that. Finish your beer and all." He looked at you as he spoke.

"Nope. Just never happened now that I've thought about it. Huh. You'd think right? But nope. Not that I'm opposed." You ended your statement by glancing his way while finishing your beer anyway. Harrison just watched the way your neck moved as you tilted your head back. "Ok boys this was fun but I am gettin tired."

Tom nodded. "Same here. Thank you for having us darling, it was fun!" The others spoke in agreement and you smiled at them saying they were welcomed back anytime. They offered to help clean but you grabbed the remaining bottles and told them you were good. After final goodbyes, you told them to not he strangers, you were all in your respective homes.

You went to bed pretty quick. Next door, at their place Tom, Harrison, and Sam lingered to get some water before bed. "She was really cool." Sam said while sipping water.

Harrison hummed in agreement. "Yeah I think so too. Very chill and all that."

Sam smirked and playfully said, "You just think she's fit mate." There was a pause.

"Well she is." It was Tom who said that and the others looked at him in playful shock. "What I'm not blind! She is! She's isn't some shy girl freaking out over us. She's cheeky and just seems normal about us living next to her. More Harrison's type though I'd say."

Sam laughed. "Yeah he always liked the classic American 'girl next door' type. Just a bonus she is actually American this time." They paused for Harrison to negate their statements but he just sipped his water and looked at them with a glint in his eyes. "Told you." Sam said as he took a sip. "She is better than half the models either of you bring back. Nuerons fire and she can keep a conversation. Not that all models are like that! But come on you went out with some stereotypes." Neither could disagree. Sometimes you just want to have a date with the beautiful face. Long term needs substance though, and both Tom and Harrison thought you had it all.

"We need to invite her over tomorrow, and any time she's free." Groundwork was to be established and Harrison was determined to get to know you more.

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As always, like and reblog! I hope you like it! Also if i forget to tag someone lmk, same if you wanna be tagged or not tagged. Feedback and notes are appreciated but be nice haha I edit as best I can. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Tags: @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings

[younganonymus]

For the serious questions thing. I hope its not too many but 1, 8, 14, 18, 23, 25, 28, 33, 37, 60, 77, 93, and 97 please?

1.:I like most to be outside,most likely when the sun is shining but rain does not bother me at all. There,I love to inline-skate,doing Parcours or any other kind of sports. Also,it is very calming and nice to just sit outside with someone you like or even a partner of yours. (Spending time with a beloved is of course always a good choice! {Too bad I do not have such a person...})

8.:Country Music,yeeehaaw! :-D That is,always was and always will be my number one genre!!! But besides that,and yes,they are all almost alike in favor:rap,metal,classical,goa,hardstyle(/hardcore? Stuff like Angerfist,Korsakov,Evil Activities,...),reggae,pop,techno,...

14.:Yes,there definitely is a higher species than us humans! Maybe not something like God from the bible,rather than that more like Buddhism’ Gods or Greek,but I am pretty sure there are some entities who either live deep down in the ocean somewhere or outside our beyond in space. Most I felt reasonable with fictions like/from Assassin’s Creed universe and Subnautica,where in both super smart aliens/once humans exist and high-end technology developed,while in Assassin’s Creed they were even able to manipulate time so smart were they. (Kin od similar to the species from the “I am Groot”-movies. And yes,I keep forgetting that movie’s name.)

18.:I think it would be like you are not allowed to touch anything of importance in order to keep the present you know as it is,which means you must not destroy something,kill someone or invent something. Maybe such things as lighters,chemical drugs and electricity came by a time traveler who wanted humans to evolve faster... ;-P

23.:Technically I am good with plants,yes. But because I lack free time and energy to do anything at all the past weeks my own home plants do not look quite good. (In fact I can even do your whole garden if you get me to doing so!)

25.:Hahaha,ummm... I like to call my dancing dancing,yes,but compared to what it actually has to look like I am no dancer. In fact I know the basics to Waltz and Tango,some few steps of Line Dance and currently I am trying to learn “hakken”,which is very amusing and entertaining yet quite good condition exercise for hardstyle music.

28.:Medieval age is my most interest of ages in. Most particular the ?verge/emerge? from medieval to industrial,where cowboys and most fascinating pirates lived and ruled on their own. Like,stories from knights and kingdoms and adventures and stuff are most interesting,but I would love to see what living like a pirate was like.

33.:Oh shit. If everything goes as planned,in seven years I see myself either dead or having my own squad working with me still in a company and a boss of mine but also HOPEFULLY owning my OWN place with animals with green areas for them in private. Also,which is most important to me: I really really do hope by then,by the age of 30,I have a trusted wife and two little children,so we can be one family and I one good,lucky and finally happy father! (Not meant to be dramatic. My health and mental state are simply not good and getting worse time after time,so it would not surprise me at all to be sick or dead that time.)

37.:Good thing(s) people tell about me........:

I am helpful and very kind.(Yet they do not know how much sacrifice that costs me and NONE of them ever shows the slightest bit respect and thankfulness.)

60.:If I had money to donate I would donate for homeless peoples charities. Not only in Germany (probably especially not here) but in Africa,Brazil,Spain,China and USA. Japan probably as well. At least those are the ones where I know most about.

77.:Hahaha! YES,I can imagine something pretty romantic I would do for my (currently not existing) partner! IN FACT,I am quite a big romantic guy. You like candles? You like rainy days? You like roller coasters? You like your car? You got me to loving you??? Well,prepare for spontaneous room lightened by dozens of candles in either minutes while you are in a different room or in hours of preparation while you are absent,get ready for being picked up at work with an umbrella in my hand so we can walk home and you can wear my coat so you do not need to feel cold. Figure yourself of us sitting in one while I tell you how much I love and wish you the very best on your birthday and probably promote to you one day if roller coasters are your biggest hobby and forget the fact we are just friends and only know each other for just a couple of weeks-I am already keeping an eye open for someone who can model your car so you can unpack it on your birthday and put a tiny version of your exact car beside your bed,even if we are not a couple then.

93.:If a zombie outbreak happens I would grab my bow and arrows (Actually I NEED to get quite many new areows since only four of mine are top.),get something like a sword and never let go of my good survival knife. With all that, I would climb up some old industrial buildings and build a camp and shelter there. Traps,barriers,defend mechanisms and escape routes included.

97.:The worst catchy song I ever heard...Hmmm...Maybe “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” or “Scatman”. Those are the ones I can not stand having in my head although they are actually good songs.

_____________________

I am thankful for your kindness and your asks and everyone is welcome to send more asks! I hope I did not over-explain everything again.

[thelifeoftuan]

I haven’t really ever talked about this before (in public, anyway, and currently, really only one person knows all of this wholeheartedly and in more excruciating detail), but I felt compelled to just put this out there today. Hahaha! It’s not a big deal. At all. Ergo, posting it on tumblr and letting it sift in between my reblogs of Chinese dramas, Bulbasaur propaganda, and mean twitter. Hahahahaha!

One of my coworkers had gifted me a rather expensive-looking bottle of wine for the holidays. I posted a picture of it on my story kinda joking that perhaps I should finally start drinking alcohol, because raging alcoholism couldn’t be any worse than how I have been feeling lately with the climate of this country (that’s for another post for another day...). Honestly, I was hoping people would reply offering to take it off my hands, because I definitely do not know what to do with it and I didn’t want it to go to waste. And then a number of people who might not know me as well messaged me, surprised that I have never drunken alcohol. I offered to send the bottle to one of them, after which they informed me that I can’t personally send alcohol through the mail. Hahaha! Fail. Which goes to show just how much I do not know about alcohol, ‘cause I didn’t even know such a law existed. I honestly probably shouldn’t joke about it, because this issue is pretty personal to me. Again, it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. And I don’t ever get mad or irritated about it. And it’s not something I really ever disclose unless someone really, really, really wanted to know the reasons why I have never drunken alcohol and will never drink alcohol. But, what the hell, here they are: 1. I was raised that way. Growing up, there wasn’t a single ounce of alcohol in my household (that I knew of, hahaha!). One of the Buddhist principles is to not engage in any behavior or activity that alters the mind and impairs judgment, which includes consumption of alcohol. Every Sunday, that precept was ingrained into my mind. But of course, growing up, I saw many, many, MANY of my elders drink alcohol, amongst consumption of other things that went against this precept. At first, it baffled me. Why did they preach these things to me yet do the opposite? Then I sort of understood a little bit about the compromises people make with themselves during adulthood. I won’t ever consume alcohol, but eventually, I got to a point where I was okay if others did and even if they did so around me. It didn’t make me uncomfortable anymore as long as they are responsible about it and no one is harmed. And you know, in the instances where people around me have been a little too overzealous with their consumption, I make sure that they are safe, help take care of them if asked to, even help clean up messes if I need to... but I have gotten to a point in my life where I felt no need to question or judge people for their consumption of alcohol. As long as people are safe, responsible, and happy, (and I am not yacked on--true story) who am I to be bothered, right? 2. I have an addictive personality. I know this from all the times I’ve cleared a 12-pack of Dr Pepper in a span of 24 hours. I have obsessive and compulsive tendencies. I know this from all the times I’ve nearly driven myself to near insanity pouring over unnecessary details and minutia. I have a mental disorder. I know this from my formal diagnosis of major depressive disorder. And over the years, given my many episodes of mania--while slight and somewhat mild (hopefully)--I fear that I may suffer from bipolar disorder. And I know from my training as a physician that mind-altering substances, especially alcohol, will exacerbate my symptoms, and I do not want add raging alcoholism to my list of problems that I am trying so desperately to keep under control. There’s a saying that “doctors make the worst patients” and I will have to stand by that when it comes to myself. I know myself well enough to know that if my mental illness ever spiraled out of control (again), I would suffer dire consequences (again). And so, to avoid the unraveling of my life and prevent my mental illness from besting me, I choose not to drink alcohol. 3. Alcohol killed my best friend. This is probably the biggest reason for my lifelong abstinence from alcohol. I don’t need to, nor do I want to, rehash the sad story of how I lost my best friend, but this is the most important reason I have for making the choices that I make when it comes to consuming alcohol. In some strange way that doesn’t seem to make much sense when I try to put it in words, I choose not to drink alcohol so that I can avoid tarnishing my memory of him, so that I don’t feel like I betrayed him. He was my best friend. And we were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives like we had promised. But I lost him in perhaps one of the worst ways possible. And I feel like if I were to ever partake in consuming alcohol, a part of him, perhaps the most important part of him that still lives within my soul, will die as well. It sounds like an irrational, nonsensical reason. But it’s my irrational and nonsensical reason. And if it keeps my heart and my soul intact, I will hang on to it. I kinda chuckle to myself when people comment on my teetotalism, whether if it’s with complete shock or if they try to persuade me to try it for once in my life. I just continue to politely decline. People will ask me why I don’t drink sometimes, and I’ll tell them, “It’s really just a personal choice.” Because that reply is not as loaded as this post. But to anyone who “knows” me and finds this post and has ever been curious about why it seems like I “have a stick up my butt about drinking alcohol,” ...well, I hope you’ll come to find that I really don’t have a stick up my butt and understand that, rather, it’s a knife wound through my heart that I have been trying to keep closed for a very, very long time now. That’s all for now.

[lilfellasblog]

The Only One - A Virgil H/C Tumblr Ask

Summary: Virgil has a secret that the Light Sides and Thomas are completely unaware of, but the Dark Sides unfortunately aren’t. The Dark Sides are spending more and more time in the main area of the Mindscape now that Thomas and the Light Sides are trying to accept them as part of the famILY. What does this mean for Virgil?

This is an ask that Tumblr ate, so to the anon that requested it, I’m so sorry if you’re only seeing this now!! I actually really enjoyed writing this!!

A/N: If you liked this, please reblog. It is the only way to help this fic reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether. I’ll be making a masterlist to help prevent this from happening again.

TW: Trans guy Virgil, gender dysphoria, transphobia, deadnaming (kind of), misgendering, minor physical violence, blood, knives, Unsympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Remus, bullying, harrassment, forced undressing, crying, angst w/ a happy ending.

Word Count: 3367

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Virgil curled his hands in the thick quilt on his bed. He’d encountered Deceit and Remus of all Sides that day and had hid in his room ever since. He couldn’t even be bothered to replace his shirt; he’d just thrown the tattered remains on the floor and crawled under the covers in shock, trembling with silent tears going down his face.

“Kiddo! Dinner’s ready!”

Virgil swallowed, trying to get past the lump in his throat. “Sorry Pat, I’m not feeling well,” he called back, voice gravelly.

Patton spoke more softly this time. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that! Do you want me to bring you some soup or water?”

Despite his trauma, he smiled through his tears. He’s too good for me. “No thanks Pat, I think I just want to sleep right now.”

“Okay! Let me know if there’s anything I can do!”

“Will do.”

Virgil heard Patton move away from the door, and he sighed.

I should probably clean up the wounds. Don’t want them to get infected.

Virgil shakily stood and walked over to his bathroom. He winced. This is bad. This has to be one of the worst times. Thin cuts marred his skin where Deceit and Remus had used a knife to cut his shirt off. Thin lines of blood trailed down from each wound. Virgil sighed and went about disinfecting them.

You know they’ve been more active in the main Mindscape, you know they’d see you wearing a binder. Why did you have to be so fucking stupid? You could have just worn your huge hoodie like you used to and it would have been fine. They already beat the shit out of you once you changed your voice in the Subconscious, did you really want another beating that badly?

Virgil bit his lip as a sob forced its way past the lump in his throat and more tears streamed down his face. Soon, he’d expertly cleaned and bandaged his wounds and he started working on cleaning the tear tracks and makeup from his face. He cursed the Dark Sides for knowing to aim for parts of his body that would be covered up by clothes; if he’d been unable to hide the bruises, he wouldn’t have a choice but to tell the Light Sides.

The Light Sides won’t believe you. What, the Dark Sides they’re working on accepting just so happen to be evil transphobes who hurt you? And you’re the only Dark Side who’s not an asshole? Give me a break.

Virgil bit back tears. He was tired of crying over the Dark Sides hurting him. And if he told the Light Sides, they’d start asking questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. It was bad enough that they’d “outed” him as a previous Dark Side, causing their loving, wonderful Host to look at him with disgust.

Virgil shook his head. Thinking about that isn’t helping me calm down. He splashed a bit of water on his face and finished cleaning off his makeup. He curled back up in bed, hissing through his teeth at the new injuries, and resigned himself to a night of restless sleep.

/////

Virgil decided against wearing his new shirt and hoodie, instead opting for his old black ensemble. He felt like crying without a binder, but he also didn’t want to lose another one to Deceit’s knife and he was pretty sure a couple of his ribs were cracked.

Virgil made his way downstairs for breakfast, miserable. He’d put on extra black eyeshadow to hide the bags under his eyes and hopefully to draw attention away from the fact that his eyes were slightly red.

He was shuffling into the kitchen when he froze. Deceit is here, why is he here, why is he here, why is he-

“How are you feeling kiddo?” Patton asked.

Virgil shrugged keeping eye contact with him and resolutely avoiding the other Dark Side. “Fine. Better.”

“That’s good! I thought that we should get to know the Dark Sides better, so I invited them over for breakfast! Although Remus didn’t show up, something about being on a ‘deodorant cleanse’?”

“Yes, Virgil, it’s so important to get to know each other better, don’t you think?” Deceit purred.

“I know you well enough!” Virgil spat back.

“Now Virgil, give him a chance,” Patton said, disapproval coloring his voice.

Deceit looked hurt. “Yes Virgil, why aren’t you giving me a chance? I’m trying here, and you’re just being mean.”

Dammit, Deceit can act well if he tries.

Deceit looked at Virgil with a sick smirk.

Virgil narrowed his eyes at Deceit. “Fuck. You.” and sank back into his room, his stomach cramping from hunger. He curled up on his bed and hugged his pillow, angry tears coming out this time.

I just wanted food! And now Patton thinks I’m an asshole! And the others will too! Fuck!

A few hours later, he couldn’t ignore the nausea anymore and decided to venture downstairs. He walked up to his door and pressed his ear against it, listening for any indication there were Sides walking around. Hearing nothing, he slowly opened his door and looked both direction.

Finally. I need-

“Doom and Gloom!”

Fuck.

Virgil turned his head and looked at Roman. He seemed excited about something or other.

“I have this wonderful new project! For Halloween! You’ll love it Virge!”

Deceit and Remus appeared behind Roman, smirking.

“Virgil? Who’s she, never heard of her,” Deceit sneered.

Roman jumped, but relaxed quickly. Virgil ground his teeth.

“I thought it was Veronica? Or no wait, Vanessa?”

Virgil glared at them. “That’s never been my name,” he growled.

“Oh, my mistake!” Deceit laughed, daintily putting a hand to his chest. He smiled. “Violet.”

“Hahaha! She’s a girl!” Remus shrieked, pointing at Virgil. Roman just looked confused.

Virgil held himself back and closed his eyes. He inhaled, opened his eyes, turned around, and walked downstairs. He heard Patton humming in the kitchen and smiled.

He entered the kitchen and opened the pantry to grab some cereal.

“Hey Virge!”

Virgil smiled at him and sent him a two-finger salute. Patton let him get milk in his cereal and start eating before he spoke up.

“Honey, I think we need to talk about what happened with Deceit this morning.”

Virgil’s stomach nearly revolted. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. “Yeah? What about it?”

Patton sighed. “The way you spoke to Deceit… Is there something else going on?”

Virgil whipped his head towards the fatherly trait. He’d been expecting admonishment and chastising, a demand to go apologize to Deceit. Instead, Patton’s eyes were full of concern. “I… what?”

Patton tilted his head. “I know you have a longer history with the Dark Sides than we do, and it sounded like there were things that weren’t being said out loud.” At Virgil’s baffled expression, he continued. “You can trust me, sweetie. Is there something going on?”

Virgil stared at his cereal bowl, fighting back tears. He moved the cereal bits around with his spoon.

I can’t lie to Patton, he’s just trying to help.

Virgil decided to tell the truth. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”

Patton sagged slightly at that. “Is Deceit stopping you?”

Virgil chewed on his lip. “No, it’s my own fucking fault.”

“Do you feel unsafe around us?”

Virgil jumped at the question. “No! I just,” Virgil’s voice choked off. “I can’t say,” he whispered brokenly.

“Oh sweetie, do you want a hug?” Patton asked.

“S-sorry, not right now.” The thought of Patton wrapping his arms around his body, especially without his binder, was too much.

“Okay baby, let me know. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I’m sorry.” And with that Virgil broke. He dropped his spoon in his bowl and put his head in his hands, letting out the sobs he’d been holding in.

“Oh! Virgil, it’s okay! It’ll be okay!”

Virgil just shook his head.

“Would it be okay if I rubbed your back?”

Virgil nodded. He won’t be touching my front, that’s okay.

Patton immediately put a hand on Virgil’s back and began lovingly rubbing it.

“I w-want to s-s-say, but I c-c-can’t!!”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay,” Patton soothed, confused but beginning to understand that something was going on between the Dark Sides and Virgil and it wasn’t anything good. For now, he focused on calming Virgil down enough so he could eat. Eventually, Virgil’s cries petered out.

Patton kept rubbing small circles into his kiddo’s back. “There you go. Feeling better?”

Virgil nodded and wiped his face on his sleeve. He smiled at Patton shyly. “Sorry ‘bout that. Just freaking out for no reason.”

Patton frowned. “It doesn’t sound like no reason.”

Virgil waved him off. “It’s fine Pat. I’m probably just hungry.”

Patton knew it wasn’t just hunger, but he also knew not to push the issue any more. He grabbed a bowl of cereal for himself and chatted with Virgil, trying to make him feel comfortable again. He was happy that by the end of the meal, Virgil was much more relaxed and didn’t seem like he was about to burst into tears. Virgil cleaned his dishes and and sent Patton a two-finger salute as he sank out. Patton let his face fall once Virgil was out of the kitchen. What is going on with my sweet boy?

/////

The Sides all rose up when Thomas summoned them for the next video. Virgil had his normal hoodie on and zipped up and prayed no one could tell that he wasn’t wearing a binder.

“Hey Virge! You cold?” Thomas asked.

Virgil nodded, Deceit giggling at the lie.

Thomas turned to the camera and started filming.

“What is up everybody?! Today, I’m dealing with an important topic: when to come out.”

Remus giggled. “Like Virgil! She-” Deceit elbowed him, cutting him off.

Thomas frowned in confusion at Remus. “I mean, yeah, he told me he was a Dark Side, and that’s what I wanted to address this video.”

Deceit summoned a bowl of popcorn and crunched loudly, making sure Virgil saw the shit-eating grin on his face. Remus just snacked on deodorant.

Virgil paled and felt cold all over. His heart was pounding and there was a lump in his throat. Thomas turned to him.

“Virgil, I… I just wanted to say that I was surprised, and I still love you. I don’t care that you were a Dark Side before. You’re working with me now, and with the others, and who you are now matters way more than who you thought you had to be in the past.”

Virgil was shocked. He felt tears springing to his eyes. “You… you really mean that?” he whispered, incredulous.

Thomas smiled. “Yeah, I do.”

Virgil sagged in relief and smiled, a single tear running down his cheek.

“That’s totally how I expected that was going to go,” Deceit complained.

Remus just threw his deodorant on the ground in frustration.

Thomas ignored them. “Do you want a hug Virge?”

Before Virgil could panic and make up an excuse, Remus started shrieking with laughter. “She can’t! Then you’ll feel her tits!”

Virgil felt all of the blood leave his body.

Thomas just tilted his head in confusion at Remus. “What?” He looked at Virgil. “Virge? What’s going on?”

Virgil started backing into the wall and hyperventilating, new kinds of tears making their way down his face.

He knows, he knows, he just got over me keeping one big secret from him, this is a coming out video, he’s going to find out, he’s going to hate me, they’re all going to hate me, they’re going to send me back to the Dark Side, he hates me, they hate me…

“Come now Virgil,” Deceit purred. Virgil jumped when he and Remus appeared in front of him on the landing. “Let’s be fully honest with our Host, that’s what he would want, isn’t that right?”

Remus and Deceit grabbed Virgil and started pulling down the zipper. He cried out and thrashed in their hold until they were pulled away. He didn’t notice who helped him, he just collapsed on the landing and curled into a defensive ball in the corner, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating.

“Virgil? Can you hear me?”

Virgil flinched and whined at the proximity of Logan’s voice.

“I can’t, I don’t want to, please don’t make me, don’t hurt me, please…” he whimpered.

Everyone’s hearts shattered.

Patton came up to the landing and leaned against the steps. “It’s okay sweetie, no one’s going to hurt you, I promise. No one’s going to force you to do anything. Can you try to breathe with me baby?”

Virgil let out another cry but nodded. Patton counted with him, occasionally glancing back at the Dark Sides. Roman had the Dark Sides cornered, sword pointed directly at them, making sure they wouldn’t hurt Virgil. After almost twenty rounds of breathing exercises, Virgil’s muscles began to relax from the cramped position they were in.

Thomas knelt in front of the stairs. “Virge?” he began cautiously. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Virgil’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry Thomas.”

“Buddy, no! You got attacked and got scared.”

Deceit laughed. “That’s not all Thomas! Go on, tell our Host what else you’ve been lying about!”

Thomas frowned at Deceit and looked back at Virgil. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. This… God, this has to be the worst time to be making a coming out video. Are you hurt at all?”

Remus laughed. “Awwwww, is the little girl hurt?”

“SILENCE!!” Roman roared.

Virgil flinched, staring at the Dark Sides with wide eyes.

“Virgil, hey look at me,” Thomas called softly. Virgil turned wide eyes to Thomas, the Host almost breaking at the tears he saw. “It’s okay buddy.”

Remus wasn’t done. “Take off her shirt!!”

Roman took a step towards them. “SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL RUN YOU THROUGH!!”

There must have been something in Roman’s expression, because the jeers stopped.

“Honey-” Patton began. He was cut off with a sharp inhale from Virgil as he laid a hand on the anxious Side’s back. He quickly withdrew his hand.

“I’m sorry baby! Are you hurt?”

Virgil sniffled. “N-not too bad.”

Thomas’ face twisted in anger, and the two Dark Sides sank out. Roman sheathed his sword after a moment and walked over to the stairs, worried about his anxious friend.

Logan spoke up. “Virgil, may I look at your wounds?”

“No!” he yelled, curling up defensively and hugging his hoodie closer to himself.

“I will respect your choices Virgil. However, I believe that it would be in your best interest to allow me to assess your injuries to ensure nothing else is going on and to help prevent infection.”

Virgil shook his head. “They’ve done worse, this is nothing, I’ll be fine.”

“They’ve done this before?!” Roman growled.

Virgil curled in on himself and nodded.

Patton shifted a little closer. “How have they hurt you in the past?”

Virgil’s breath hitched. “Th-they’ve beat the shit out of me when I changed my voice. I u-used to have a higher pitched voice and I didn’t like it. And when I changed how I dressed they beat me up for that too.”

“Oh Virge,” Patton breathed. “Do you know why they did it?”

“B-because…” Dammit, I’ve really got to say it, don’t I? “I-I’m a trans guy.” Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “The D-Dark Sides h-hated me for it, s-said I w-w-was a girl, but I’m not! I swear I didn’t l-lie to you T-Thomas!! I just, w-with how you’d t-taken the news of me being o-one of them in the p-p-past, I was scared you’d m-m-make me go b-back to them and I c-c-can’t…” Virgil dissolved into tears, unable to form any more sentences.

Thomas jumped forward and hugged Virgil close to him. Virgil curled into his Host and cried.

“God, Virge, I’m so sorry. I’d never hate you for being trans! Whatever I did to make you think that, I’m so sorry. And if they’re hurting you, I’d never want you in that position.”

Thomas held Virgil until his cries petered out.

They deserve to know. “Th-they’d cut off m-my clothes.”

Thomas froze and tightened his arms.

“They what.” Patton said, voice flat with blinding fury.

“Th-they w-wouldn’t go farther th-than that!” Virgil added quickly. “They’d j-j-just cut off m-my clothes t-to try to p-prove I’m a girl. Th-that’s why I’m n-not w-wearing a b-b-binder today. Th-they cut up my l-last one with a knife a-and hurt m-my ribs.”

“Oh baby…”

Logan adjusted his necktie nervously. “I… Virgil, I am so sorry they hurt you. I believe I understand another reason you don’t want me to look at your injuries. May I ask you some questions instead?”

Virgil bit his lip and nodded, still curled against Thomas.

“Does it hurt to breathe?”

Virgil nodded, and Thomas loosened his grip slightly.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain when you breathe?”

“Um, like a 5? It’s not too bad.”

“I am glad to hear that. Are you experiencing any difficulty breathing?”

“Not really, no?”

“Alright. Let me know if you do. Would you consent to stay with one of us for a few nights until we’re certain there aren’t any other ill-effects?”

“Y-you don’t mind?”

Roman frowned and tilted his head. “Why would we mind?”

“…I dunno.”

Logan sighed. “We want to help you Virgil. Please tell us what is bothering you.”

Virgil hid his face in Thomas’ chest, muffling his words. “They s-said I was gross.”

Roman actually snarled while Patton gasped and Logan and Thomas’ faces hardened.

Thomas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them and kissed the top of Virgil’s head as he held the trembling man.

“You’re not gross Virge.”

“Y-you’re just saying that.”

Logan hesitantly placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Virgil, I am not one to mince feelings.” Virgil huffed a laugh at that. “You are objectively not “gross.” Remus and Deceit are wrong.”

Virgil lifted his head and looked at Logan. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

Virgil relaxed against Thomas. “Can I… Can I wear my old stuff until my ribs heal? That hoodie’s bigger, it helps with… yeah.”

“Of course you can kiddo!” Patton rushed out. “If it makes you feel better, go for it!”

Virgil frowned and looked at the Light Sides and Thomas suspiciously. “You’re all taking this… really well,” he said slowly. “I’m the only one like this. Not even one of the other Dark Sides is like this. Aren’t you freaked out?”

“Kiddo, no!”

“One’s gender would never make me forsake them!”

“You identify as a man, therefore you are a man.”

Thomas hadn’t spoken yet, and Virgil felt tears in his eyes.

“Virgil, buddy,” Thomas began. “I… I fucked up, didn’t I?” Thomas’ voice grew thick with tears. “I somehow made you think I think less of trans people.” Thomas buried his face in Virgil’s hair to hide his tears. “I-I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. I promise I’d never think any less of you. You’re still my facet, my Virgil, and this is just one cool thing about you.”

Virgil pressed into Thomas. “I don’t know why I had to manifest this way. There’s no reason for it!”

Thomas rubbed Virgil’s arm. “We may never know why, and that’s okay. We don’t need to in order to accept you and love you.”

Virgil closed his eyes, exhausted. “Thank you, Thomas. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

Thomas squeezed Virgil as tightly as he dared. “You were scared.” Thomas smiled before he sang. “It’s okay. We’re your best pals!”

Virgil snorted. “Dork.”

“Damn gay.”

“Don’t you mean- oh, I get it.”

Patton and Thomas giggled.

Roman stepped closer. “Virgil, would you like to stay in my room tonight? The bed’s big enough to fit all of us.”

Virgil looked up at Roman and smiled. “Sure Princey.”

Later that evening, when Virgil is surrounded by the Light Sides, he smiles to himself.

The Light Sides might be clueless morons, but I guess I could get used to this.

[ruffiorocks]

Supergirl Season 5 premiere review!

Ok!! So there's a lot to process here but first off WOW! Bravo! 👏👏 as season premieres go that was probably one of if not the best.

Ok... So opening scene, you could so tell that was a simulation from the way Kara talked. I should also like to give a big 🖕🖕 to all those that were dragging Lena saying she either:

1. Gave herself super powers

2. Used Kryptonite

3. Punched Kara in front of some school kids.

Is it just me, or does Hope the AI give off an "I'm going to become sentient and be a massive pain in the ass?" Vibe? 🤔🤔

My poor baby Lena, how awful must it be to believe that everyone you know has betrayed you, that you can't trust them and you have no one to talk to? So you create your own personal AI that won't (probably will ) betray you, oh and you bring someone (Andrea ) back into your life when clearly things haven't always been smooth sailing? Poor Lena!

Ugh..Must they throw out politics less that 3 minutes into the show? We have Kara talking about registering to vote?

Ok, so everyone is praising Kara, she's talking about having her work recognised, Baker and Lex being taken down, but yet again there is NO mention of the fact that it was Lena who figured out where Lex was, Lena who helped Kara/Supergirl etc. Oh that's right I forgot, the show doesn't like to acknowledge when things couldn't have been done without Lena 😤😤

Naww Alex and Kelly are so cute.

Kara suddenly has a dislike for technology?? Random and purely there for plot convenience.

Not going to lie but Jonn is kind of boring this episode.

Ok... So here we go again, Kara using stupid excuses to not tell Lena. Ugh.... this is getting so old and cliche to the point it isn't even funny anymore.

Yes!! They have Kara acknowledging that lying to Lena for so long while being all about 'truth' wasn't fair.

Yes Alex the voice of reason Danvers!! She can tell Kara off essentially while still praising her and letting her know she is good. I'm loving how it's ALEX who is saying Lena needs to know!

😂 Miranda Priestly, yes Brainy I quite agree! Id rather face Hannibal Lector than her. Oh bring back Cat Grant!!

😂😂 omg that handshake! I'm willing to bet that Alex's laugh was just Chyler not being able to keep a straight face and they kept it.

James is boring.

Strangely turned on by the way Andrea says her name 😅

James is boring.

Not going to lie, I know Lena wanted Andrea to keep the sale of Cat Co a secret, but I'm actually glad we got to see Kara's shock at not being kept in the loop. Humble pie much??

Ok the exhibit is funny.

Did they have a casting call for a creepy kid?

Dinosaur!!

Katie is so good at the whole pretending to be happy and friendly whilst plotting face 🤣. Morgana much?

Oh.... Kara is being indignant Lena did something without telling them all?? Another bite of pie Kara?

Hahahaha 🖕 to all those that said Lena didn't buy Cat Co for Kara. (I know she might be saying that to explain the sale away, but it's been said so it's canon!)

Oooh Lena is really making it obvious she knows 🤣🤣 awkward much lol

Dinosaur!!

Karas cape is more important than a bomb to Brainy 😂

Ooh here that's scene at Cat Co. I stand by my last post, James and Kara are incredibly rude to their new boss and have zero right to speak to her that way. James and Kara used all of the staff to gang up on Andrea and it's just not on! I love how Andrea roasted James though!!

Does anyone here ever read a contract before signing it?

Am I the only one thought Andrea was Lenas ex when she said "relationship"?? 😅😅 false alarm lol

Why is Kara still flying with a crap cape? She doesn't need one to fly.

trap!!

Midnight isn't all that exciting.

Oh so Jonn remembers Manchester Black, but i take it no one wants to acknowledge his blatant MURDER Of the disarmed non powered human? Ok writers you can forget it all you want, but I'm not going to!

😂 Brainy! It is great fun to watch Jonn shift into Kara!

Oh Alex you angel and voice of reason.

Yay Kelly!! Lovely advice, love how she's the one who convinced James to leave! Kelly just got a massive boost in my eyes!

William is hilariously obnoxious!!

Erm... Did Kara just FULL ON verbally attack her new boss? Threatening to fight her boss on everything? Dictating what Andrea can and can not do? Giving out demands? Jesus Christ, Andrea I know you said you're not going to fire her but man I would have on the spot!! Kara is waaaay out of order and getting way to big for her super boots!

I don't think William and Kara are going to be a couple, that's the exact same story as Mon El and Kara. No one wants to watch that again.

Ok so now Kara is bragging to Alex that she verbally attacked her new boss, telling her what SHE will and will not tolerate? Omg Kara get a grip!

Alex?? You're encouraging this? You were supposed to be the voice of reason!

Naww Alex and Kelly are cute!

Ooh Brainy is so funny! "To small to be perceived". He made her a new suit!

Holy s**t!! Kara just out right came out to Lena!! I really thought she would drag this out start rambling and not actually do it So Lena sees her change instead. But good for her, about bloody time!!

Lena genuinely looks shocked! She didn't expect Kara to come clean! Puts a spanner in Lena's revenge plot there lol

Jesus the acting of these two!! The facial expressions and the tears! Mel is really selling it! Bravo 👏👏

I'm loving how Kara is acknowledging all the things we've been saying, how her reasons for keeping the secret were dumb!

Oh I don't trust this Hope AI at all! She's encouraging Lena to hate on Kara.

Oh the speech, and Alex's awkward look!

No way was Lena going to immediately forgive Kara, I know we wanted to think it but Nooo! Far to soon lol

Omg!! It was Lena Kara activated her new suit infront of!! I'm living for that!

PANTS!!!

HOLY SH*T MUSE!!! Yesssss!!! What a sound track to use!!

Alex "how do you guys change so fast?!" 🤣🤣

Oh.. ... look...... Guardian is there.....Hopefully for his last appearance

Fight itself isn't all that exciting, and I feel like we didn't even get to know Midnight, that was way to quick.

James quit, good! Leave!! Seems a bit stupid he doesn't care about never being a journalist again though. But I won't dwell, because I genuinely don't care.

Alex and Kelly! Oh my heart!

Oh so Brainy has had A LOT of romantic experience then? 😏

Aww he loves her!!

I'm glad they had Brainy acknowledge his feeling at having been dark for that short time.

Nawwww a kiss!

That little girl is way creepy!

Oh so Jonn doesn't know he has a brother? 🤔 interesting.

Oh look Lena gets a super watch, ABOUT BLOODY TIME!! That could have prevented so many problems! Straight out of a fan fic lol

Oh yes, I don't trust this AI Hope!!

Lena no! You are NOT a Luthor!

Ok... so all in all a fab episode, nothing was dragged out thank RAO! I don't hate Lena for wanting to expose Kara, it makes sense from a comic point of view and from the pain she feels. The important thing is she didn't do it. People are allowed to feel like they are going to lash out when they are hurt.

I quite like Andrea, she's a breath of fresh air! Plus she isn't wrong in her ideas, just because it's something Kara, Nia and James don't like doesn't mean it's wrong. I think she was treated horribly and despicably by Kara and James though. Especially Kara! That was way to much and she should have been sacked. I'm really happy someone is at Cat Co now that is challenging her and not doing whatever she says, I think the days of Karaolsen magazine and Kara running out whatever she wants are done. But this is good!

Nia is adorable but didn't get to do much.

Jonn was pretty boring this ep considering the villain was out to get him.

James sucks!

Brainy is sooo cute and funny!

Alex and Kelly are the best!

Alex being the voice of reason is what I'm here for, now I want her to go see Lena.

Hahaha Kelly is the one to thank for ridding me of James.

The acting between Mel and Katie here was brilliant, the emotions the tears, the deception? Wonderfully done.

Lena didn't create any VR tech so take that haters!!

Kara's war on tech sounds like it's going to be for boring reasons.

I don't trust this Hope AI!

Lena isn't done for yet, "a fight for Lena's soul!" We can all find our way back to the light!

[myheroaizawashota]

[Oooh maybe a little life or Death moment. Maybe a villain attack the renders the reader very badly injured and while they’re sitting there unconscious he confesses his everything!!! This is incredibly doable! Thanks for the ask! I’m sorry this took so long to get done!! I apologize to much hahaha hopefully this lives up your expectations!!! @kweelmusic ]

Emotions were a complex and unnecessary distraction. From observation of others in the field, the pro erasure hero knew that clouding your judgment with things as trivial as feelings only ended disastrously. While it wasn’t frequent that he’d let his emotions take the best of him, when it came to certain people he just couldn’t help himself. Certain people like you. While the uncouth hero acted bothered by your presence, deep down he really did enjoy your company. Despite his constant griping about your over enthusiastic attitude and ditzy behavior, the brutal U.A educator harbored strong feelings of admiration and love for you. Everything about you drove him wild. The way you smiled, the way you laughed at all of Present Mics unbelievably dense jokes. Even the way you cared so much about everyone, including himself, regardless of how nasty they treated you.

He could be so rude to you some days, and when he was he’d regret it the moment you walked away. He didn’t understand why he acted so poorly towards you when you meant so much to him, yet here he was. Undoubtedly an asshole every time you came around. It was embarrassing to say the least. Hes never let his emotions run rapid the way they way they do when he sees you, but against his better judgements he couldn’t control it.

Huffing as he shuffled through the university halls, the ever brooding 1-A teacher made his way towards his class room. His hands balled into fist as he shoved them half heartedly in his pockets eyes casting to the floor. Anyone who wasn’t used to the sight would all but bet something was wrong with the man, but this was just typical Aizawa behavior. His closed off body language was enough to deter most from his pathway, but regardless of how aggravated the man looked you always still went out of your way to say hello to him. Smiling you gave a wave of your hand, finger tips wiggling as you made your way closer “hey Aizawa, are you going to eat lunch in your class room? Don’t you get lonely in there? You should join me and Mic in the break room! We’d really enjo-“

“No. I don’t want to join you and and Mic in the break room. Believe it or not, I enjoy the quite of my classroom with no one screaming or laughing or constant chatter in my ear as I’m trying to take advantage of the very little spare time I have in my life.” Aizawa all but growled blowing his way past you, his lips pulled into a scowl as he hurried faster down his path.

You didn’t understand him sometimes, while it hurt your feelings the other acted so cruel towards you, you still couldn’t help the desire you had to be around him. Maybe you were sadistic and liked the punishment of his cruel tone, or maybe you just couldn’t help who your heart loved. He was cold, uncaring, emotionally vacant, but yet you saw his face, those eyes, that jaw...and you weren’t able to hold yourself back. You came after him like a moth to a light, despite you’re knowledge of his combative behavior. Looking down rather defeated, you tucked your hands towards your chest, stomach dropping as the ever present smile of yours faded from your lips. “Okay...well enjoy you’re break then Aizawa..I-If you change your mind you know where to find us.”

Half heartedly expecting an answer, you couldn’t help but feel just the slightest bit broken when all your offer was met with was the slam of a classroom door. You knew you should get over this crush you had on the aloof pro, but you couldn’t shake the feelings he left you with.

Dragging in a long breath, Aizawa let his back rest against the door of his room, he closing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose releasing that breath with a loud sigh. “Why did i just say that? What is wrong with you Shouta.”

His hands moved to roam across his face, palms rubbing and scrubbing the scruff of his cheeks as he tried to regain some ounce of composure. Feelings were such a nuisance, and to his dismay, these feelings were uncontrollable. Letting one hand fall, the other moved to run through the bangs that fell into his face, he scoopin them back and out of his eyes as he dropped his body in his desk chair. Next time he’d do better, try harder, go beyond plus ultra in his attempts to control his irrational behavior every time he saw you. He had to. He couldn’t continue to act disinterested for the rest of your lives, while it wasn’t a hard front to pull off for him, he didn’t like the way your smile vanished when he’d act this way. Was it in his best interest maybe to go apologize? Meet you and Mic for lunch after all? No. That sounded ridiculous and like far to much effort. Groaning in frustration, he tucked his arms tightly across his chest. He felt so immature, childish to be keeping crushes, and bullying the girl he liked as if he was still in grade school. Ridiculous. He was 31 not 13, who in their correct mind would think-

His thoughts paused as alarms began to frantically wail, the building trembling as bits of debris began to snow down onto the black shoulders of his shirt. What in the hell was this about? Another shake, followed by a few shrieks and screams, the sound of stampeding foots steps soon taking over the hall way as the loud speaker clicked on. “Students, please remain calm! It appears we’ve had a security breach! In a calm orderly fashion, make your way to the the closest class rooms, under protections of our pro heros. If you confront the intruders, please do not fight them! We are unsure who our intruder is or what his motives are, but we can only assume the worst of the situation.”

Aizawa throat began to clench, as he listened further to the principals speech, opening his door in an attempt to find his students. He knew class 1-A held a target on top their heads, so the faster he could gather his children the better. Wandering into the sea of students, Aizawa worked to shuffle through the crowd head turning when he heard a huge thunder of commotion, head turning towards the noise. The instant his ears picked up on the sound of your voice, his feet had already shifted gears, his body running down the halls towards the sound of distress. You were strong, incredibly strong, he was confident you’d be fine, but he felt the compulsion to make sure that was the case. He needed you to be fine.

With his heart thumping in his ear he whipped his body around the corner, fists balling when his eyes found your body pinned under the boot of a villain. The intruders eyes boiled to the brim with malicious intent and pure evil, his tongue licking across his lips as his fingers roughly yanked your head up by the hair. “Look at me you hero! Your so proud to call yourself that, but you will never stop me. Pathetic and unworthy of being called such a name! Tell me where he is, and I won’t slaughter every student in this building!”

Struggling against the others hold, tears pricked in the corners of your eyes as you did your best to break the hold of your opposing force. “Id never tell you where he is and i won’t let you hurt my students! Go to hell!” With the last remainder of your strength you pushed your body up off the floor, moving to activate your quirk, only to be immediately flung by the others brute strength and over powered quirk. Your body rag dolled before rolling to the edge of Aizawas feet, his heart stopping as you laid your body curling in on itself rivers of blood draining down the edges of your face. Those beautiful eyes of yours closed, leaving your body seemingly lifeless.

It broke his heart to see you this way, and while he didn’t have the strength to admit it to you, he loved you. His stomach boiled with rage as his naturally dark irises began to spark red, hair flairing as he made eye contact with your assailant. Emotions were dangerous to involve in battle, but Aizawa couldn’t help himself. While he himself was the worlds biggest ass to you, he’d be damned if anyone would ever lay a hand on you. Quickly deploying his quirk, the erasure pro was able to handle the villain with no problems, quickly restraining him while waiting for authorities to arrive. “I’m not sure who you were looking for or what you thought you were going to do, but let’s get something straight. You ever put a hand on her again, and I’ll do more than just bind you.” The terror in his eyes was chilling to see.

The situation was quickly dealt with the motives of the villain attack deciphered and the school back in a state of safety. It seemed to be you were the only one injured. You’d taken the fight in order to protect a group of weaker quirkless students in the general studies classes. That was very much like you. When the students had told the pro what you did, Aizawa couldn’t help the way the edges of his mouth struggled to force their way up. You were pretty amazing.

With the school returning to a sense of stability, the students being returned home to their families for the rest of the day, the 1-A teacher decided to pay you a visit. He was the one who carried you to recovery girl, and he was the one who showed the most concern for your condition. While he was not the only one concerned for you, he was definitely the most concerned. It was odd, no one had ever seen so many emotions out of the man. They all assumed his only moods were tired and grouchy. Drawing a deep breath in, he opened the door to Recovery Girls office. “She’s not awake yet Aizawa. I told you she will need time! While my quirk can heal the trauma, it’s up to the energy her body can produce to decide how long it takes to recooperate” she hummed shuffling her way over towards the towering gentleman. “It’s against policy for me to allow anyone who’s not family to see her right now....but seeing as to how concerned you seem to be, I’ll give you 5 minutes.” She sighed allowing the other access to you.

Relief cloaked over his body, he slowly making his way towards yours. You looked so calm, though his chest surged at the sight of you with all these bandages all over. “I wish you were awake right now....i hate to admit it...but i miss that idiotic smile of yours...” he sighed, moving to brush the hair that hung in your face back. “I don’t know how to say any of the things i should when you’re listening, so maybe saying them while you’re not will be easier.” You held your breath, truthfully you’d woken up a few minutes ago, but the lights in recovery girls office were just too bright so you had to close your eyes a bit more. You wondered if you should tell him you’re awake...but you we’re desperate to know what he had to say. “I’m not good with feelings, and I’m not good at saying things the right way. So here it is, I’ll just be blunt. I like you. A lot. Actually I love you. And I don’t know why I act so asinine when I see you, and I don’t know why I push you away the way I do....but...I’m sorry. When i saw you laying there after the attack, i felt sick to my stomach think I’d never see you smile again. Hm...speaking of your annoying smile, you’d be happy to know all the students are fine.”

Your heart clenched in your chest, eyes fluttering open with the treat of tears as you looked up at him. “Did you really mean all that?”

Stepping back, aizawas own chest began to grow tight, frustration and anger spilling all over his features “you were awake? Why didn’t you tell me.”

You flinched at the venom in his tone, eyes casting away from his gaze. “I woke up a few minutes ago. I didn’t have time to tell you. You just started talking I didn’t want to interrupt you.” You whispered looking up at him ��are the kids really all okay? Did anyone besides me get hurt?”

Amazed, aizawa let his anger drop. You were still so caring, even though you were laid up in recovery girls office by no means okay yourself. Sighing aizawa let his hands rub at the back of his neck, “yeah....they’re okay...”

There was a thick silence between the two of you for a minute before aizawa broke it, clearing his throat “how much of what I said did you hear?”

“I love you too..” you blurred out eyes glancing back up at his once more, your lips pulling into a gentle smile.

The ever so stoned faced teacher, couldn’t fight the warmth that spread across his cheeks, the cool grey tone of his skin vibrant with reds and pinks. “I guess I don’t have to repeat any of what I said then huh.” You just chuckled, hand reaching up to cup his cheek, your body cringing as pain settled in to your bones. The aim of your affections cringed at your pain, but still leaned into your palm, his chest a flutter. “Can I ask you something?”

Your eyes were soft as you gave a gentle nod of your head to encourage his question. Gently turning his face he let his lips rest lightly against your palm as he murmured softly “come out for coffee with me? “

You couldn’t help the blush that appear on your own face now, you giving him a smile “coffee it is. But you have to pay” you laughed joking obviously

He just gave a soft huff, lips turning up st the sides “I can agree to those terms...” Who would have thought Shouta Aizawa would have a date. It would be interesting but you couldn’t wait. You hoped for many more.

[finsterhund]

2019 Draws to an End

Yes, and with it a whole decade. Yikes. The years start coming and they don’t stop coming huh? I wish we were living in the 90s. When Heart of Darkness had life-size statues at E3 and Beanie Babies were worth hundreds of dollars. Those were the days... fortunately the internet has gotten a whole lot faster. I guess years going by have their perks after all.

I’ve been occasionally hearing fireworks when I take off my headphones and putting them back on because they startle me. It’s not even 10 PM yet you guys!!!

So, how was this year?

There was a fair amount of negativity. Zachary kept up his antics for most of the year, one of those two youtubers made a ruckus on twitch, and... well... a certain stressful conflict from 2017 made a comeback. But for me, things have been a lot easier to deal with because I finally got a family doctor this year!

Yes, I did manage to achieve one of my new years resolutions from last year. Receive medical care and be put back on my medicine. Let me tell you, it has been a relief. I even was put onto a whole new medicine specifically for my night terrors which has been allowing me to sleep without injuring myself in the night.

As frustrated as I am at how slowly my medical treatments are going, I did actually make a fair amount of progress this year. Being on medicine to help me both when awake and asleep, as well as medicine for pain, physiotherapy, and tests to start treatments for several conditions. Hopefully we see even more results in 2020!

I feel that my creative endeavors have taken a back seat. Unfortunately 2019 had a rough start with crashing in a tiny spare room and having to move 8 hours away. But despite this I did draw a lot. Enough to do a 2019 summary of art! I didn’t do one last year but I did one for my renaissance in 2017. It was nice to do one again.

I did have issue with mental stimulation. The good old cabin fever that I’ll probably always suffer from slightly until I get my service dog. There’s only so much you can do at home before you run out of things to do and inspiration. This was better here though than the past few years. I think we moved to a good place and although things got unfortunate in the last couple months I still have high hopes for this new place to call home.

We got early footage for Paper Beast! Eric Chahi’s newest game. I am super excited to play it in the new year. I cannot wait.

Looking back on my year end post from last year I noticed just how much I’ve gotten to a better place emotionally this year. I get that I’m all doom and gloom, but it was really painful back in 2018 in review. I think a lot of my progress has to do with my medicine. It helps me approach things in a more levelheaded way.

So how did I do with my previous resolutions?

Well, I think I’ve managed to grow and become more confident dealing with my paranoia. I also don’t think I fully gave up my creative endeavors either. I’ve still managed to draw a lot of things this year. Despite a busy year I did keep up with many of my friends, and even repaired some friendships that wore down a bit in the past. 

Sadly, I didn’t get my service dog. Not yet. I did get my medications though! And my doctor! I’ve been seeing them twice a month, not once a month. So better than I aimed for. Still struggling on going out and doing things, and taking many things still a bit too seriously. 

Fishy and I have both been super busy, but we’ve had time to talk a lot throughout the year. Same with many of my other friends. 

I have actually been standing up for myself, even towards people with authority. I still struggle but it gets easier with time. 

Letting things go is still hard. But I’m getting there. 

HoD stuff is all I know. Why did 2018 me think I was going to lose my fire? It flickered but never went out hahaha. Putting off fun things because I feel I “don’t deserve them” is still something I struggle with, so lets hope that gets easier in 2020. 

I’ve been actively trying to kill off the part of me that delights in my enemies suffering. It is harder than I initially thought, but a good way to do it is to focus on the good. Surround myself with things that are enjoyable, not people who make things suck. As for purity? When I have my medicine to ground me in reality it’s easier for me to see that it’s an unachievable standard. 2018 me was too hard on myself.

So, with the past resolutions out of the way...

What are my resolutions for 2020 you may ask?

Finally build the plasma cannon for my cosplay!!! 

MORE HEART OF DARKNESS

Not be as combative online 

Finally sort my medical and other issues out 

Draw more 

Talk more to my friends

Get closure on Spot

Get my service dog 

Officially start my trauma therapy 

Learn to let myself relax and live

Build my new computer 

Play Paper Beast!!!

Yep! I know I can achieve at least one of those things this upcoming year. Lets aim for all of them.

Thank you to everyone who continues to stand by me. I love you guys and wouldn’t be where I am without you.