#hopefully now that i've got a system going i'll have more energy when i get to the actual coloring part

[merylstryfestan]

DETERMINATION

decided to start coloring some manga panels as a way to practice working with color, so here's the first of many. this is from trigun maximum vol 1 ch 5, genuinely one of my favorite moments

[ghostoffuturespast]

WIP Whenever

*takes a deep breath* Tagged by @streetkid-named-desire @wanderingaldecaldo (you two I think at least twice lol) @seeker-of-truth

@baublekute @scarlettspectra @aggravateddurian. Thank you all very much for thinking of me! 🧡

Tag backs for everyone above 😘 and @luvwich @merge-conflict @shimmer-like-agirl @mynonsenseistingling

@fly-amanitaa @dani-the-goblin @tarmac-rat @lavnderkiwi @morganlefaye79

Cash your tag in now or later and feel free to do whatever creative projects you're working on! Doesn't even have to be fandom related.

It's been a minute. This one got long.

I largely haven't been doing any fandom stuff other than VP because my work schedule has been insane the past two months. And the only reason I have VP to post is because I'm generous about snapping pics and the vast majority of photos y'all are seeing are ones I took back in March/April/May.

Things at work are starting to be slightly less hectic though, so hopefully I can get back into the swing of things. I'm trying to be gentle with myself about the time and energy I do have but it's been frustrating wanting to do things and not having the beans to do them. Spending most of my workdays outside for extended periods of time means I'm bone tired when I get home. And then I have more work to do outside...

Gardening

My garden is gonna be very scraggly looking for the rest of the year, but if I can keep it alive, in theory, the plants should come back bigger and bolder next year. Shortgrass prairie plants spend the bulk of their first few growing seasons establishing their root systems since water is often in short supply, so the tops of the plants are very unimpressive rn. Most of them probably won't get much bigger than this or even flower this year.

I've gotten a good chunk of the plants in the ground, have irrigation lines going to all of them, and did the lil concrete paver patio. I still need to finish planting the plants that have been languishing in their pots for over a month, bury the irrigation lines, and do a bunch of other random things, but we're getting there. Not planning on covering the bare dirt with mulch because I'm doing fall and spring seeding and I want the plants to self-sow. Going for wild pocket prairie and I'm gonna let it go absolutely feral. I'd eventually like to get rid of the river rocks too but baby steps.

What's really funny is all my native plants seem to be doing reasonable well. My vegetable garden on the other hand... It's sad. I know where I fucked up though (I should not have done that soil experiment lol and attack of the cutworm catepillars), so I'll just have to cut my loses this year and reevaluate for next. The worm composter is doing good though 🪱

Drawing

Attempting to get back into drawing. Again, it's been slow. Have been doodling some mutual's CP2077 OCs when I have the time and still have a ways to get through my list. I'm surprised by how much fan art of Grandpa I've received so I figured I'd return the favor for some folks. It's always a pleasant surprise getting some lovely art in your inbox. Probably won't be coloring most of these from here on out. I have a love hate relationship with coloring. Sorry, I just find lines more interesting. All of these were done with dip pen, ink, and watercolor.

I've got another more formal piece I need to work on as well and get done by the end of the month. Keep forgetting to do the layout sketches...

Writing

The slowest of them all. Been working on the same damn short fic (No. 1 of Les Preludes) and then brainstorming for about fifty other projects that are waiting their turn in line. Plus, I'm still trying to read too. But when I can only manage a chapter of a fic about every two weeks...

Most of my writing efforts have been bopping into my drafts now and then and pecking out a sentence or two. However, I did manage to spend 45 minutes detangling a section of about 200 words 🐢:

Have you or a loved one been in an accident or injured on the job?  Are you missing your former quality of life?  Holed up in the bathroom, Robert winced at his reflection in the mirror and at the crusted blood he picked at underneath his nostrils.  Then consider Arasaka Cybernetic Implants!  Fully functional prostheses are capable of replicating the full range of human motion and more!  Available in a range of sizes and styles to suit all your lifestyle needs.  The body of the future is NOW. The corners of his mouth tugged on a bruised eye and what former experience had taught him was a broken nose. Call 1-800-IMPLANT today for a free consultation! Low-interest financing and payment plans available. A rapid fire of unintelligible fine print was drowned out by the sputter of the faucet. Robert cupped his hands and scrubbed at his face, the pain disappearing for the briefest moments with the black of shut eyes and splashes of cold water.      Arasaka Corporation.  What can we do for you? Dry flecks of red decorated the sides of the sink before rehydrating into inky swirls of blood that slipped down the sides of imitation porcelain. Yellowed, cracked, and starting to chip. The plastic hadn’t aged well.

This snippet gives me the hardest war flashbacks to those late 90s/early 00s TV phone ads. Anyone else old enough to remember these things?

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond!: Quill Society Logs (First Findings)

(All recorded by Errorverse Sonic.)

Log 5: Recruitment Requirements

"Log 5; recruitment requirements. It's been a couple of months, and the Quill Society's foundation has started well after both the most recent issue my dimension faced and the failed scheme by Eggman Prime to destroy the original Sonic, with a lot of side villains from other universes helping him, including a brainwashed Sara from Dimension OVA-1996.

The recruit applications had been starting to climb since I brought OMT!Mina in. Considering what her Ash tried to do to her back there... I knew I couldn't just leave her to either die or be thrown into prison for the rest of her existence for something she didn't cause. I also bore witness to Eggman Nega's multidimensional energiser trying to muck things up around us. I'm glad OMT!Tails and those who came to his world managed to stop it, though.

Now, as for the point of this log. I've seen the ways the Spider-Society and the Funkin' Society have operated, and it's something I really want to avoid as a bid to make the Quill Society more of a welcoming side-job for heroes from across dimensions. So, here's some major rules I had pinpointed:

No canon event nonsense is to be utilised within the Society. Our motto is doing the right thing, not just abiding by fate by leaving loved ones to perish.

As long as a potential recruit has any ties to a SEGA property or has ownership under SEGA, like how Avalice used to be around a Sonic fan game, they're open for recruit material with no questions asked. I might consider seeing if some of the -friends through the Funkinverse might suit a role here, depending on their ties.

Abuse is an issue I take really seriously here, so therapy is always available for any victims of abuse in their worlds, but inflicting abuse on other Society members is strictly forbidden. And honestly? Anyone utilising rape shamelessly are those I see as deserving of "Damnatio Memoriae", a fate worse than death.

Unless stated otherwise, I will not stand for any Society member or villain from other worlds as "anomalies". It... makes me feel like any nice person called that is cited as undeserving of basic human rights or sympathy.

A hero in the Society has especially gotta be willing to do the right thing if they're open to doing missions out on the field in other dimensions. That's our whole motto, after all, since helping others is always the right thing to do, even if it causes trouble later down the line.

I'll get a rule board set up while the other facilities like the café are under construction, and I'll hopefully document more findings as I go along. End log."

Log 9: Lightmatter and the Shadow Anomalies

"Log 9: Lightmatter and the "shadow anomalies". I've discovered a recurring event in a few Earths, around the Cave Johnson era of Aperture Science before GLaDOS, or the "Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System", took over. There was another company existing at the same time while the AI prototype was in construction, not counting Black Mesa, of course. I'm talking about "Lightmatter Technologies".

The company was headed by two men named Virgil and Arthur, who had scaled a mountain to discover photon crystals, though along the way, something ended up costing Virgil one of his legs, but his pride remained steadfast for finding the first photon crystal. Experiments went on with technology like photon connectors and photon power cells, the latter of which was a replacement for copper wiring in one block of the mountain facility, until...

...they managed to complete a central part of the base, known as the "CORE", a collection of massive photon crystals. The company got its name when the photon crystals produced a beam so solid, it literally looked like light had become matter! The general idea was to provide infinitely renewable, clean and sustainable energy to the whole world, and the whole thing genuinely does seem like an awesome concept! At least, on paper.

But underlying problems started happening, when side-effects of the crystals' tapped-into energy started causing minor cellular degradation, such as hair loss. Virgil immediately thought that the matter could be solved by installing mineral decontaminators in the facility, though sicknesses were still high and the facility got practically locked down where Virgil and Arthur had been in... disagreements, meaning no employee could leave.

Shortly after, Arthur had seemingly started poisoning employees and using it as further proof to Lightmatter's board of directors that the energy source was causing these side-effects. Virgil wasn't happy, to say the least, and while he was investigating the matter, he learned from one of his employees, who is named "Ellen" from the tape recordings I've taken from one of the Earths, that Arthur had plans to overload the CORE and destroy the facility. Arthur was quickly chucked out by Virgil and his security manager, James, for his actions.

However, just weeks later, the problems were getting worse. Employees were having intense headaches that only subsided when in presence of light, and the decontaminators were not doing their job, since they were still losing hair and fingernails. Ellen took it upon herself to sneak into Arthur's office and do some investigating as to what he was doing, and what she discovered changed everything.

Arthur had built a prototype of his intended experiment on the CORE, and discovered that the CORE was producing a deep-black, obsidian-like tar that only shows up in complete darkness and causes rapid cellular degradation! We've since referred to these as "shadow anomalies", despite actual shadows not being as harmful. And though Arthur knew, he was clearly willing to risk killing billions of lives just to bring Lightmatter into fruition!

Now, onto that theory. Since the CORE cannot be truly shut down and is completely self-sustaining, another solution was found with the prototype. Overcharging the crystals with multiple mother sources would outright destroy them, and within a radius of the smaller CORE, the shadow anomalies were neutralised and all cellular degradation there came to a stop. He managed to find a solution to the problem!

Fortunately, by some unknown people, any Lightmatter mountains between Earths have been wiped out, with the shadow anomalies all neutralised, even if Ellen couldn't do the deed herself. But... I dread to think what would happen in Earths where the anomalies could leave the mountain unimpeded and wipe out humanity for Virgil to rebuild in his image.

So, if any Earths I can record have a Lightmatter Technologies and there is nobody to stop the CORE, I'll send out agile two-man teams to overload them and wipe them out before the shadow anomalies can wipe out an Earth's civilisation. Ellen, wherever you are now, we owe you big time for uncovering all this information, and you have my gratitude for keeping these tapes intact for us to learn about it. End log."

[boldlyanxious]

Mistaken Identity

@sailormarelda apparently your wish is my command

If you enjoy, check out my masterlist

Just her luck that some asshole on the subway dumped his sticky energy drink all over her. It wasn't just wet. It was sticky and soaking through her shirt. Somehow he managed to pour it on her front and back.

He didn't even apologize. He just shoved past her and got off on the next stop.

It was only a few more stops until her stop. She checked her directions again before she climbed the stairs to get to the street. Maybe luck was on her side because there was a vendor right there with shirts for sale and a very inviting looking coffee shop. She bought a shirt and hoped the coffee shop had a decent bathroom for her to clean up in.

She laughed in the mirror at the shirt and artfully tied it so the ab muscles drawn onto the Superboy shirt for where hers were and it still showed off her dark skinny jeans. It was the best she could do to show off her designs on her outing since her blouse was not currently worth seeing. She hoped she could get the drink stain out later.

The barista did a double take when she ordered and looked a bit confused. She clearly wanted to say something but she took a breath and told Marinette the total. They didn't know her here so they wouldn't know that she frequently ordered drinks like that. She could probably chug it and then take a nap but she definitely needed it for the rest of today.

---

Roy was by the back of the counter throwing away his paper cup when he heard a name he knew coming from the baristas,

"If she weren't clearly a girl I would think it was Tim Drake. It's the exact same order too."

"He was here earlier today. He was wearing the same shirt."

"Maybe there is an evil plot in the city and he got turned into a girl."

"Stranger things have happened for sure."

Roy pulled out his phone and tried to text Tim. Girl Tim was on the phone and definitely not reading any messages. He snuck closer to hear the conversation.

"... Definitely got a look for ordering my regular coffee.

…

I've got a new look though. It is guaranteed to protect me from villains.

…

Okay. Well I have my coffee and I'm on my way. I'll see you there."

She hung up and grabbed the coffee. But Roy couldn't just let her leave. Tim needed help and the Bat family would want to know about this right away.

---

Marinette walked down the street happy to have her coffee. It was exactly what she needed. She was already feeling better. She jumped back from the street when a car suddenly came right at her. So much for American traffic coming from the other direction. Luckily her coffee didn't spill.

"Hey, did you need anything?" the driver called out.

"I'm fine," she responded then muttered to herself, "You clearly need driving lessons."

She hoped he didn't hear her because he was suddenly getting out of the car. He was walking towards her and ask her alarm bells were going off in her head.

"Are you sure? We probably need to get you help."

Marinette looked around trying to make a plan. She looked one way and then took off running the other way. That didn't do enough to confuse his reflexes. He grabbed her quickly and closed her into the back seat of his car. She tried the handle and it was locked from the inside.

She had dropped her coffee and her purse before he pushed her back here. He had grabbed the purse off the ground before he got in and sped off but she didn't think she could reach it. He had a flashing light on the car so no one would question his erratic driving.

Maybe she had been confused with a criminal. She would just need to wait it out until she could explain who she was. Her stomach turned when he pulled off the street and into an underground parking area. He went all the way to the lowest level and to the back. There was only one other car and a door. No one was around.

---

Roy didn't know what had happened to Tim but he seemed to have no memory of who he was. Jason had probably contacted the others by now and they could figure out how to help him. Although it would be easier if she weren't fighting while he was trying. He ended up pulling her out of the car by the leg and throwing her over his shoulder.

She was still yelling at him and hitting his back but no one was around to hear before he entered the code and went through the door. He didn't even bother with greeting Jason. He deposited Girl Tim into a safe room and closed the door. They had a 2 way mirror they could use and an intercom system.

By the time he was finished, Jason was already looking through the glass.

"Damn, Tim makes a hot girl. And loud." Jason said.

"Do we have any idea what might have happened?" Roy asked.

"Oracle is searching and the others are coming. I'll let her know about the loss of memory too. That could complicate things for anyone else affected. If people don't know anything happened we will have to rely on missing person reports."

---

Marinette tried not to think of all the warnings she had gotten before moving here. They had been plentiful but she brushed them off. It couldn't be that bad. She knew people who had lived here for years and they said it was mostly over blown. But sure had been here under 3 days and had just been kidnapped in broad daylight.

She knew the guy had been acting weird. She should have run immediately. She should have stopped being polite and thrown her $12 coffee at his face before running away. She tried to be nice and it was going to get her killed.

---

They all took turns looking through the glass at their friend/brother/son. But Girl Tim didn't know any of them. Oracle had confirmed that the coffee shop was the last place Tim's phone had been and Steph had seen him before he left wearing the same shirt. Roy told them about the phone conversation he has heard and it all fit.

Now they just had to figure out what had happened and how to reverse it.

---

Eventually Marinette got tired of taking to the wall. Technically it was an intercom imbedded into the wall but it felt like it because they didn't seem to hear her at all. There were more of them now. She didn't know how many more but it had to be at least 4 separate people. She was pretty sure it was more than that though.

She didn't know what they could possibly want with her.

She flopped down onto the bed and covered her face with the, hopefully clean, pillow and screamed into it. It felt really good. It was exactly what she needed, aside from her coffee and freedom.

But apparently they choose that time to make a move. Hands were on her holding her and moving here. She saw a needle and she did everything she could to fight them. She definitely hit a couple of them but the needle still went into her arm.

She wasn't sure what they were expecting the result to be but she allowed herself to relax against the arms that still held her. One moved to lift her back in while the others filed out of the small room.

She waited until the doorway was clear before she moved. She jumped back up and hit his chin with her head. He was not dazed for nearly long enough but she ran for the door anyway. She was out of the room and halfway to the exit when he caught up with her and pinned her down.

It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Another man walked in right then.

"What is the deal with you all blowing up my phone? I'm trying to get some work done."

The room froze. They all just stared at him until the man pinning her down spoke.

"If you are there and perfectly fine. Then who is this?"

Tags

2

@theymakeupfairies | @emjrabbitwolf | @vixen-uchiha | @trythisagainlove | @adrestar

[caspercryptid]

📯New pinned post + Request Guidelines 📯

It's been a while and some things have changed so I'm gonna make this one fresh!

Hi I'm Casper, I'm a semi-professional queer author currently hyperfixating on Arcane ((And only murders in the building, and Our Flag Means Death)) like a motherfucker. ND + Disabled + Trans. If you have a problem with any of those categories, perhaps move along.

I tag my fics with #casper's haunted fic tag but considering tumblr's ask system, maybe just use my arcane fic archive to read my stuff, or my #original fiction tag (please?) I tag asks with #casper's haunted info tag so if you're looking for my answers to your questions, check there! I've got some other Casper's haunted tags and I'll make a full list another time. #disability info is the tag I use for both discussion of disability in arcane and also advocacy stuff I reblog. If you ever want me to tag stuff more specifically, please let me know. 

Also on the record, reply times on all asks will vary, I’m a spoonie and I don’t always have the energy for social interaction! You have my love. I am easily worn out. 

🕊️ Twitter — 📖 Ao3 — ☕ Ko-Fi — 🔨 The Hammer To Fall Discord

Sideblogs:

@fuckyeahjaycetalis - JAYCE

@thebeelog - BEES

@theasperagroup - original project vibes (the description of which is here)

Now! Request Guidelines. [[Requests are closed right now, but here’s the rules for when they’re open!]]

Although if you guys happen to get attached to my OCs and want to see more of them, HMU, because that's Always Welcome.

Here is a list of suggestions for AUs and ships.

Now for the slightly less fun stuff.

I love writing rarepairs and I love crack ships and I love doing Weird Stuff. That being said, here is The Please Don't List.

Please don't spam requests as it takes up space in my inbox and I can only hold so many before I close it again! Give everybody a fair shot

Please don't send me requests that describe the entire plot of a fic. If you've got the whole concept, that's great! You should try writing it and I will support you. If there's not room for me to take my own direction, or you've described your own characterizations that don't match mine, that's not really fun for me to write! And so I won't.

Please don't send me requests where you ask that disabled characters (Viktor) be insecure about their body or their disability. I'm not comfortable writing that.

And the hopefully pretty short No list���

I will not write jinx with anyone significantly older than she is, nor will I answer requests that call her powder. My jinx is trans.

I will not write Caitlyn/Jayce, as I write them as siblings

I will not write ship content with Ambessa, as I'm not comfortable with her treatment of Mel in the show

I will not write E rated content unless it has been discussed with me beforehand or it's a continuation of a previous fic. I'm gray ace and I can't really manage that on command.

Okay! You got through the negative stuff. Here's some lighter logistics notes.

please sign your anon asks with an emoji! I think it's cute and it helps me pick up trends or threads and to keep from getting confused. I am disabled and making things more accessible for me is really sweet of you

If you start your request with "tell me a story about" I am a hundred times more likely to answer you fast bc I think that's the cutest shit ever

I make no guarantees that I can write EVERY ship but if you send me two characters I will do my best. They may not always kiss. I will give you content. If you want strictly platonic that's cool too!! Familial relationships? People you think would be friends? Just wanna see em vibe or coparent or something? Hit me.

Feel free to spam likes and reblogs! Go ham! PLEASE reblog, especially if you're the one who requested, it's just a nice way to share my stuff. And talk in the tags! Go ham!

Requests will be answered out of order whenever I have inspiration I make no guarantees about what goes up when

And I think that's that! I'll add to this if I think of something else or if something happens that reminds me that this needs to be updated. Thanks for reading!

[coindraws]

Bonjour

Been some time since I made a rambling post, so here we go because I like screaming into the void 🤙🏼

I've been staying in Germany with my family again since November because France has a harder lockdown than Germany does and the general circumstances here are just better for me. Kind of sucked because I was looking forward to living alone again but there's no sense right now in staying in a foreign country when my homecountry is doing better. A lot of the other students I got to know returned back to their countries as well and it's a big question mark when I'll go back again. Might be in January when my second semester starts and things have hopefully calmed down but I wouldn't be surprised if that didn't turn out to be the case. Still the only German as far as I know and there's a lot of new French students, so the misery of that continues.

Apart from that I kinda got used to the French uni system but I'm still having a somewhat hard time with it and my French is not really improving since I don't interact a lot with the other students and I only have one seminar where I maybe get to say something or discuss stuff lmao. My first semester is nearing its end and I'm very sure that I'll get my master's degree in Germany only, I had originally planned to get it in the same program as my bachelor but seeing how it's been very chaotic and how I won't be able to receive a scholarship from the EU again because of the way the schedule looks like, I don't think I want to do it. And I just like the German uni system a lot more, plus moving between countries all the time is super exhausting.

This is also really random but I also made a reddit account and I have no idea how that site works but I was so surprised to see so many people recognize my art from tumblr or other sites 😳 Not sure if this is a good or a bad thing but the sdv community is so nice and sweet compared to other fandoms I've been in/seen that I can't help myself but continue to draw for it. Haven't been drawing a lot as I just don't have a lot of time and am very stressed because of university and all the distance learning stuff but I'll get back to it when things get better or during my winter break. I'd really like to interact more with you guys because I need people whom I can talk to about my hyperfixation on Harvey but I'm awkward af 😂 If you aren't however, just shoot me a message or something, I like hearing about other people's lives.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing good as far as you can during these times. 2020 really drained everybody's energy and I can't wait for this year to be over but who knows if 2021 is going to be any better at this point. And here's one of my hamster babies.

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[butterbuni]

♥ Chapter 5 ~ Recommendation Entrance Exam P1 ♥

Previous Chapter

"You will have 30 minutes to prepare for your written exam, you may converse and study with one another but there will be no conversations during the test. You may start." Cementoss said leaving the stage. I couldn't stop smiling. I am actually here about to take the exam.

I couldn't help smiling like an idiot. I looked around the auditorium, there were so many more people than I expected. At least a 50 by the looks of it.

God this is nerve-racking. I reached into my backpack pulling out the study guide Star made for me. I have to remember to thank him till the end of time. I wonder how he is doing in his exam. Probably acing it like a pro. I hung my head down in defeat. Why is school so hard? I can ace almost anything else but for things like math or chemistry, my mind just stops working.

"Hello" I looked up towards the voice. It was a rather tall girl with beautiful black hair tied up into a ponytail. I gave her a small smile and said "Hello I'm L/N Y/N but please call me Y/N I'm not a fan of formalities" "I am Yaoyorozu Momo, I noticed you were looking quite upset. May I ask why?" She sounded genuinely concerned, she seems so nice. "I just don't feel prepared for this test I feel like I'm going to fail. I am more of a hands-on person rather than a thinker and it just ugghhh" I placed my head on my unopened study guide.

"Maybe I can help you study we still have 25 minutes before the test starts and I could use a study buddy for the time being." I perked my head up to her smiling face. Wow, she's pretty. My brain fart disappeared as I realized what she said. My head straightened a huge smile was plastered on my face "Really you would help me!" "shhhhhhhhhhhh!" A guy behind me who looked like a skeleton with hair. "Sorry I will be quieter" God this is so awkward where is Star when you need him.

"I would love for you to help me it would mean a lot. thank you." She sat down next to me and pulled out her own study guide it was much thicker than mine. She really came prepared. I decided to just scrap my study guide and we went over stuff in hers.

~Shoto's POV~

"Really you would help me!" I looked up from my book to see who was yelling at this time. It's that girl from earlier. She's so unprofessional I thought she would be with the other kids in the regular entrance exam. She obviously doesn't do well in school so why is she even here? I need to focus on this test. I looked back down at my guide. If I want to become a hero I need to pass.

~Back to Y/N~

She makes the work sound so easy way better than Star. If he meets her, I'm pretty sure he will try and challenge her to an intelligence match. I am so glad I met her before the test. Maybe we both get in and see each other in school.

There was a ring indicating that the study session was over. Cementoss came back to the stage as the whole auditorium got quiet. "Everyone please move so there are three seats separating you from other testers." "Good luck Y/N you worked hard so you will be able to pass," Momo said as she moved three seats away. I waved her goodbye and told her good luck as well.

Once everyone was situated, cement blocks rose in front of our tables with the test and a calculator. Cementoss continued to talk. "Once you hear the bell you will begin. You will have 2 hours to complete your exam. Once you are finished with your exam you will place it back on the cement and you may go to the break room. There you will receive a number and you may do any necessary preparations for your practical exam. Remember there will be absolutely no cheating. If you are caught cheating, you will be escorted out of school and you will never be able to retake the exam and you can say goodbye to ever being admitted to UA academy. Good luck." As he left the stage there was another bell indicating the test had begun. I picked up my pencil and opened the packet.

The net effect of photosynthesis, chemically, is reduction, leading to the formation of simple carbohydrates and accompanied by a release of oxygen. True or False.

Oh boy.

__________________

Finally, I'm done with the test. Momo already left. I wonder how she did. She most likely passed she's very smart. I picked up my bag and left the auditorium. There was a sign outside pointing towards the break room. I should probably change first. I did a quick turn and headed for the nearest bathroom. "Oof". Oh jeez. I looked up to face the back of a guy. He had crimson red and white hair split evenly down the center. He was on the taller side but other than that nothing special till he turned around and faced me. My mouth gaped open. He had beautiful different colored eyes and a huge scar over one of them, which was very odd.

"It's rude to stare." He scoffed down at me. I will just ignore that scoff since it was my fault. "Oh sorry, it was an acci..de..nt. You are Endeavor's son! I recognize that blue eye anywhere. My brother is practically obsessed with your family. Though that scar of yours isn't on pictures I've seen," I said in an attempt to break the ice.

He looked at me with absolute hatred in his eyes. Dang, I didn't know bumping into someone will automatically make me hated. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned his scar. "Excuse me I need to be going." I moved out of the way allowing him to pass. As he left, I shouted, "Sorry for bumping into you, it was purely an accident. There is no need to look at me like that!" and ran into the bathroom to change. Such a quiet guy very different from the stories Kean says about Endeavor. I opened my backpack and pulled out my workout clothes. I quickly put them on. It was just some high waisted leggings and a white crop top. Perfect for optimum power use. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my backpack. Hopefully, I'm not too late I still need some food in my system.

I got to the room where everyone else was and it was pretty full already. I looked around trying to find Momo so at least I will have somebody to talk to. "Ehehm." I looked around for the voice, but I didn't see anyone talking to me. "Down here, dearie." I looked down to see a small elderly woman. My smile grew so wide. "Recovery Girl! Oh, it's so nice to meet you. My mom talks about you all the time. I knew you were going to be at UA as a teacher, but I didn't think I would meet you today at the exam. Oh, this is so exciting. Can I have your autograph?" I gushed out in excitement. "One thing at a time dear. Here is your number it should always be visible at all times till you leave." "Yes ma'am," I said taking the number and putting it on my shirt.

"You must be M/N's daughter. You share the same energetic curious aura that she does. Plus, those ears are hard to forget." She chuckled light-heartedly. I sheepishly laughed. Oh, I wish she won't talk about my ears. "If it's an autograph you want here." She motioned me to come down to her level. I stooped down as she wrote her name on my number paper. "Thank you so much!" "Now now dearie you have a practical exam to get ready for and I have numbers to pass out. Good luck." I waved goodbye.

I walked over to the food table. It was decked out with so much food. My mouth watered as I looked at it all. I could eat everything here in five seconds if I wanted to. "Looks good doesn't it." I heard Momo behind me. "Oh yeah it looks good, even better than good, it looks scrump-dilly-isous." She giggled at my choice of words.

We picked out some food and went to sit down and eat while we wait for the others to finish testing. "So, what's your quirk Momo," I said in between bites. "My quirk is creation. I have the ability to create any non-living material/object from my exposed skin by transforming the molecular structure of my fat cells." "Your quirk is just like my best friend's; he is in the regular entrance exam. Although he doesn't use fat cells but rather imagery using his neocortex. Though he can only use the item for 10 minutes before it disappears. Do your items disappear too?" "No, they are permanent after I create them. So, what's your quirk." "From what I've figured out I can control the elements. Air, fire, earth, and water; the usual but I can lose energy using it a lot. Though there is sub stuff I'm trying to figure out. That is why I am here at UA. Hopefully, they can help me 'reach my full potential' as my brother says." I said with quotation marks.

"Wow, your quirk is so powerful! No wonder you're in recommendations," she said with excitement. I sheepishly laughed, "It's actually not that powerful really. When I first started, I could barely lift a pebble without passing out. My brother says that any quirk can be powerful it all depends on the person and how they use it. Your quirk is awesome you can create anything you want and it's forever. If you wanted you could make so many clothes and video games!" I gushed. "T-That's against the rules! If I make anything I want with my quirk then the circulation of money will be disrupted. As a citizen of this nation, I must increase the flow of money in the economy." she said in an attempt to defend her obvious spending habits.

~Shoto's POV~

'Sorry for bumping into you, it was purely an accident. There is no need to look at me like that!' How did I look at her? I looked up to see the odd girl conversing with another student. She's so odd and weird. How can she be so loud and obnoxious with no regard for other peoples' study time so early in the morning? Not to mention she's dumb and could have used the study time. How in the world did she make it into recommendations. I'll find out as soon as I pass this stupid test. I need to prepare.

"Students we will be taking a bus to the testing site form two lines and board in an orderly fashion!" some random guy yelled into the room.

It's time.

~Y/N POV~

Finally, the fun part is about to begin. "C'mon Momo we got this. Let's go."

[emepe]

Hey M :)

It feels like it’s been so long since I last talked to you. Hopefully you’re feeling a lot better than the last time but please take it easy. Stay hydrated, get lots of rest, maybe some vitamin D too since it helps boost your immune system. Oh also no energy drinks because those mf’s cause heart palpitations.

It feels so surreal that AoT has finally come to an end. Of course there were some things I felt could have been changed/didn’t like. But overall, I liked chapter 139. Not to be an asshole to farmer Kun, but if I was a queen you bet that I’d have a harem with him, Armin, and Jean.

Sorry for getting off track, but I definitely gotta give it to the author for investing 11 years of his life to give us a story like this. I just hope his mental health is ok because even if you didn’t like the ending, it’s no good reason to send the man death threats.

How have you been so far? So far I’m doing ok. Kinda drowning in a large amount of homework and it’s hard to play catch up with the quarter system at uni. But I’m definitely looking forward to summer. I’ve been asking a lot of people on tumblr for writing advice and spitballing ideas and y’all are so nice. Like you guys reply to me even if I’m saying something so boring like how’s your day going. You’re one of writers who inspire me to get back into writing fanfiction actually. So please give me any tips if you have any 🥺

Just wanted to let you know I love and appreciate you, M 💕💕

-💫

Hi, bub! 🥺❤ I've missed you!

My physical health is no longer in shambles, thank you for asking, although I can't say much for the other part. Don't want to be depressing or anything, just being honest 🧍🏻‍♀️ I've gone through some very lousy days and I've set myself on survival mode.

I get you on feeling like aot ending is surreal. I remember getting into it when I was 16(?) and now I'm 22 so 😳. I totally agree with you on not attacking the creator. Whether you liked the ending or not, you have to recognize that it's a lot of pressure to satisfy everyone's "needs" regarding the story and burnout is real. One of my mutuals mentioned that he just wasn't in love with his work anymore and after reading that I thought "yikes... but yeah, it makes sense". Oh well, nobody truly knows except for Isayama himself. Maybe if he'd had some more time to branch out alternative endings and pinpoint a few more details that his readers needed closure on, it would've been better... or not. I'm sure there would still be people who'd be left unsatisfied—as per usual.

I'm glad you're doing okay and that you're using the idea of summer vacation to push through 🥺 Having something to look forward to always helps so just hang in there! I can't say the same for me because I'll be picking up classes in the summer to make up for taking last semester off (because of covid and money issues) 😭

Also thank you for saying that. I got into writing fanfiction because of another writer, and to have someone send that energy my way feels so nice 🥺❤ And you never bore me; stop by as much as you want to! As for writing advice, I don't have much but at the top of my head...

Read. It's the best way to expand your vocabulary, get new ideas, and inspiration.

Don't compare your writing to other people's. I think it's okay to take notes from works you enjoy to improve your own (so for example if you like the way a certain writer describes things or emotions, incorporate that into your work), but don't acquire the whole I'll-never-be-as-good mentality.

Write only what and when you feel like it. If you're not motivated in the moment to work on a specific piece or write at all, you're only going to get frustrated and the result won't be as good as it would've been if you were actually in the mood to do it. So if you want to set aside one piece for a different one or take a break from writing altogether, that's completely fine.

Music. I feel like depending on the story you want to write, having a playlist that fits the overall tone of it (or a specific scene) will help you feel inspired and—again—set the mood for you to develop your ideas.

If you're not too sure if your ideas are good but you still have that itch to work on them, do it! It's better to materialize the ideas you have instead of having them rot in the back of your mind. You have to start from somewhere and even if it doesn't turn out like you expected, at least you'll have something to learn from that experience.

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

[reddoesthingsfinally]

I got elf ears >:3

Uhhh so the thing that put us out of commission is over...and the crash after that is over...and now I'm just tired tbh. I feel like I used this as a "hey am I a system?" blog and now that every single answer I've gotten by any system I've asked is "yes" as far as I can recall I don't know what to do with it anymore

Well it's nice to have for venting but I've found I don't have the energy to vent lately lol...I could see if the others want to post art and stuff on here? I know someone did a really awesome piece of art yesterday they might want to share? But other than that idk

Feelings of faking haven't been going away so maybe I can use this as like a...a journal? Of sorts? To keep track of everything and reassure myself? Because my current journal got soaked >.>

Oh, fun thing I've discovered. Brain is highly metaphorical. But I think I knew that already.

So. Yeah. Idk. Hopefully will be in school soon so maybe I can use this to try to keep track of what happened at school (partially so I and others don't forget, partially for comfort because school's stressful)? But that might be too much to put on the internet unless I wanted to be vague about it. Then again I haven't exactly been vague here. Hm. I'm not good at this internet privacy thing, am I?

I've found we have more alters than I'd like to admit. Uh. Which I guess I should've known based on the number of "imaginary friends" I had, but. Still. It's a lot. And every time something new happens I feel like I'm faking and if I tell anyone they're gonna tell me I'm faking or at the very least mistaken and the shred of comfort I have right now is going to just vanish because it was never real in the first place. Dammit. Trying to stop doing that. It's uh...not working very well. But I've been informed it's harmful so I'm trying my best to stop doing that. Trying. I uh...don't know how.

I guess there should be a point to this, huh? Or can it just be useless rambles? Hm...I'll just keep rambling and see where it goes.

Jessica is gonna be a Vampire for Halloween. Which is great for her. She loves Vampires. We found a great dress for her. I think she'll be over the moon when it comes. :) Her birthday's also in 10 days so I feel like I should get her a gift? Even though we share a body? The innerworld is uh...annoying...for me, so it'd probably just be easier to get or make something from outside. Maybe a bat charm. She likes those.

And if she doesn't front imma be an elf. Which is me anyway. But, still. Basically I'll dress up as myself. Getting used to those elf ears, but they're awesome for relieving some of my general dysphoria of existing.

I think there's a couple people that help comfort for sadness and in the dark (I'm scared of the dark for several reasons), so that's nice. :) Though one of them keeps tricking me and it's quite annoying to figure out when void's pranking me or actually telling the truth.

We're hoping to move out this March. Hoping. Hoping so much. Probably not. But hoping.

So I think that's the ramble. Enjoy. Sorry for all...this. Mess. Thing. God, to think this whole thing started because of a little curiosity. I guess it's better to know. But. That doesn't mean I can't kinda wish we could all be separate and just be family instead. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm tired. I'm dramatic. Imma go. Thanks for reading.

[berryunho]

LOL sorry omg i really died. like am still dying. i spent all day yesterday crying over my coursework and shit but i talked to that guy and he really knocked some sense into me and told me to not be so hard on myself... so now im crying internally and not externally 😭

ive been thinking about it now and i think i might switch majors for the sake of my sanity bc real talk the amount of work is insane and i cant properly function it's crazy out here idk how people do this... i was thinking maybe health sci since i already have most of the credits for the degree and ive always wanted to be involved in the healthcare field... im gonna see my academic advisor on monday and see what they say because holy guacamole i want to be able to enjoy school w/o crying every time i think about it

omg that got long but those have been my thoughts for the past few days BUT ANYWAY that's so good!!!! im so happy for you big brain energy we love to see it!! ive got a biochem midterm this week (which is the cause of my mental breakdowns BUT KLSJFRG) and ochem is in 2 weeks but as i said might change majors and ochem is not necessary... so i'll prob drop it haha

the last season was so good. i found it a bit slow in the beginning but once it picks up it's going like i could not stop watching it!! i havent watched bcs but i heard it gets better near the end again?? ive watched el camino tho

that's how i felt abt crocheting at first like im the type of person to try something for a little bit and then give up right after but honestly!!! it's so fun because you can make all kinds of different things like clothing, bags, accessories and it's so fun!! i've been picking up knitting too and i've made some socks and i'm working on a sweater rn

WOIEFJWE that man is so wonderful like i feel like he really understands me and !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like he really balances out the "negative" parts/thoughts of me and is so reassuring IM WHIPPED LOL

omg yes i had a bad cold too like a week ago (no covid as well) and i think i might be good now knock on wood!! what a slay im glad your classes are going so well for you! i dont follow hockey (gasp) but i can see the thrill of it!! hopefully they can win the next game!

highly enjoyed the break. have a great weekend too!! <3

-mightychondria

no no no worries lol i totally get being busy and everything <33

but omg :[[ im sorry that school has been so overwhelming and stressful for you aaaaa yeah if its at the point where you're upset everyday and completely overwhelmed and don't like school then i definitely agree w changing your major.... you don't want the rest of your life to be like this lol health science would be interesting for sure !! there are so many ways to be involved in health care and the health system without being a doctor/nurse/etc so im sure you'll be able to find something that works !!

?!*%*$???($*@)? you're taking ochem AND biochem at the same time ?!!?($*@)@ i understand the breakdowns wtf id lose it fr but lol fingers crossed changing your major works out so that you don't have to take that ochem exam

fr i definitely understand why breaking bad is considered like one of the best shows of all time ... the writing was so good and the story was so compelling and even when it got to the point where you were like 'wtf thats sick and messed up' you couldnt stop watching bc you were in so deep lol but !! ive yet to watch el camino ... hmmm

oooo man thats so cool !! you're so right like i always see crochet tutorials on tiktok for like the most random things ever and you can make like. anything. its amazing. hehe maybe ill try it out once i have more free time :]

YAAAYYY FOR THE MAN!! im glad that he's good for you :] its very nice that he's sticking w you through all of your stress and helping you out!! hehe have yall gone on any fun dates or are you just ~talking~ ?

tis the time of year for colds lol this one i think is just about done ... my cough is significantly better today but i can't decide if its actually better or if its just bc i havent been talking today .... lol ig ill see tomorrow! KFLJDSKFJ [gasp] a canadian that doesn't follow hockey ... an incredible find ... hehehe im joking but yes fr hockey is so crazy compared to other sports like even though its kinda like soccer its still so different and sooooo entertaining to me lol ty for the support for my team they definitely need it [muffled through fake coughing] they're bad [more fake coughing]

yay! i hope this week of classes goes better! tyyyy <3 <3 <3

[bdamantherapper]

BDaMan's Show Log: Go 953's Shut Up And Rap (10/25)

*The following events take place on October 25th, 2018.*

1:35am - After what seems to be not only a long day, but stressful day - I'm finally winding down for the night. Only thing left to do - cue up an episode of one of my go-to shows. Options are between King Of The Hill or The Bernie Mac Show. Choices, choices...

1:43am - Bernie Mac it is! And it's a choice I don't regret!

7:27am - Up and at 'em, getting ready for work. Gonna be an interesting day at work, I can feel it. As I think about it a bit, I'm gonna have to be a bit smarter today. My coworker/homie, Jeff is rolling with me and giving me a ride to Modist Brewing, but is working until 5. I normally work 9:30-4, so I'm gonna work 10:30-5 today to still get my usual hours in. That being said, it's time for some cereal and more Bernie Mac Show!

9:47am - Sometimes, I easily miss a bus if I leave just a minute or two too late. That was the case with my normal route. However, today, I managed to catch the freeway bus (the 535 for my Metro Transit friendly peeps) and am now on my way!

11:23am - Time for my usual phone check of the day while at work! One of the texts I get is from my big bro, B.Allen. He asks if I'm ready for today. I tell him the truth, that I'm low key nervous but I think I'm ready.

1:35pm - Jeff has arrived to work and him and I briefly chat about tonight's performance. Again, admittingly I'm nervous for multiple reasons. Our supervisor Melvin asks if I have a show tonight and I let him know that I'm performing tonight for Shut Up And Rap. As I figured by his hilarious facial expression when I asked if he was gonna make it, he won't be able to make it tonight, but he did wish me luck.

1:50pm - A few more co-workers wish me luck as well, as some saw me post about it on Facebook this week.

3:13pm - As I finish up my lunch break, I discovered that the judges for tonight are gonna be DJ Bonics, Mr. Peter Parker and Ander Other. I've been a fan of Peter Parker since the B96 days, so my nervousness just shot the hell up lol.

4:43pm - Off work, now we head to Modist Brewing! But first, we make a couple of pit stops. First back to Jeff's place briefly, then to Walgreens to get quarters.

4:57pm - Time to get a rough run through in. Jeff and his roommate, Ryan are watching a little bit of South Park. Perfect time for me to get into my own headspace.

5:12pm - Probably a quarter way into my typical performance zone. Hopefully the good luck text from my lady helps a bit.

5:42pm - Getting cash back is always so awkward if you need exact change. We're on our way!!

6:01pm - Back road travel all the way to Modist is an interesting journey thus far. One thing on my mind is that I always get in my head about is a lack of support at performances. I love all the support I do get via text/in person/etc., I just get really disappointed by not having the same support at shows as others. That being said, I'm trying to deflect from those thoughts and focus on putting on a dope performance.

6:31pm - Fresh in the parking spot and we've arrived! It's weird being on the other side of the fence in terms of being a performer for Shut Up And Rap vs. a spectator.

6:46pm - Auggie 5000 and $aibot have arrived! Shook up with Auggie and told him thanks for the opportunity. Also got to chat with $aibot briefly. Looks like I might be performing somewhere in the middle or close to last based on what $aibot last saw from votes.

6:55pm - After listening to a classic Ric Flair promo, I'm finally near where I should be. It's on now!

7:14pm - Se7en is up now. With him as the first one up, it sets the tone for the night.

7:20pm - The big bro, B.Allen has arrived! Hearing the feedback from Bonics, Peter Parker and Ander Other has me nervous as fuck.

7:42pm - With B Dot here, along with Jeff, I'm feeling better knowing that I have some support system here to back me up here.

7:49pm - Braylo Waves is up now. He's got a unique vibe to him.

8:04pm - Antonio Fixx is up now. I really dig this guy's energy!

8:20pm - Auggie announces that I'm up next before playing some music before my performance. Time to get some fresh air quick and get my last minute hype in. B Dot comes outside to check in on me quick. As much as he wasn't trying to accept his credit to how far I've come as a solo artist because of him, I thanked him for helping me grow through our S.O.S performances and always striving to be better. I'm hoping my performance will give him a well needed spark.

8:26pm - Another one in the books! Much love to DJ Bonics, Peter Parker and Ander Other for their props and feedback. Their feedback definitely made me feel better about choosing "Infobahn".

8:44pm - $aibot killed it!! Last week's champ, Solo Star is up now. She's icy with the bars!

8:53pm - Yo, I'll gladly take the L tonight. Solo Star absolutely killed it. 2 time champ! Much respect to her!

9:07pm - The night has ended and damn - despite me not winning, I feel real good about my performance. Got to shake up with Auggie and tell him thanks again for the opportunity, as well as get some final words in with Peter Parker and some props and constructive criticism. Shoutout to Jeff for strongly encouraging me to submit for this week. Shoutout to the big bro, B.Allen for coming out and showing some brotherly support. And shoutout to Weather Check (Mono, Ross and Trevor) for showing love. Time to get back into the swing of the music and just create!