#hopefully it's more coherent

[chantillyxlacey]

i've seen a lot of takes (i am using the word 'take' absolutely neutrally here; and i'm specifying neutrality bc i have started to see that word as having inherently negative connotations in this context and i have no idea if that's just a Me Problem but i figured specificity couldn't hurt)

okay, that got away from me, let me start again

i've seen a lot of takes about The Damsel that have to do with idealization being another kind of dehumanization and how she's Like She Is because you/TLQ are projecting a fantasy onto her and sanding away any traits that don't fit into that fantasy and rendering her into little more than a vessel for your/TLQ's wish fulfillment

and i don't necessarily think that's *wrong* either-- but i think that's also not the complete picture, and that only looking that that half of the image does kind of tend to paint TLQ in an unfairly bad light

because the thing is, in The Damsel's route, TLQ is ALSO being reduced to an archetype just as much as The Damsel herself is! The Princess becomes the quintessential fairytale fair-maiden-in-distress that exists only to be rescued by a knight-in-shining-armor; and TLQ-- if you allow them to be guided entirely by The Smitten-- becomes that quintessential fairytale knight-in-shining-armor that only exists to rescue the fair-maiden-in-distress

The Damsel says over and over, explicitly, that "I just want to make you happy!" and The Smitten in this route is equally preoccupied with making HER happy-- he even says it directly if you start deconstructing her. every other part of his identity has been subsumed to revolve entirely around her just as much as the reverse is true for her.

(speaking of the Deconstructed Damsel, i've also seen Smitten's reaction to that touted as him not caring about her agency-- but again, i always read that as him being unable to see any flaws in her rather than being pleased with the idea of her being biddable, specifically. if you halt the deconstruction his reaction is "she's ALWAYS been perfect" -- he'd think that no matter what she did or said, because his identity revolves around her the exact way that hers revolves around him/TLQ)

even the actions that lead to HEA fit into this, i think-- i read that moment as less The Smitten lashing out at her because she didn't live up to his fantasy-- it still happens even after she's said "i guess we can stay, if that's what you want"-- she's giving The Smitten what he wants, but he's still distressed because SHE'S not happy

i think it's more The Smitten feeling that HE hadn't lived up to HIS half of their shared fantasy. if she's not happy with the idea of "all we need is each other" then it must be because HE failed somehow. if she needs or wants more than him, it must be because HE is not enough.

if he was just better at playing his part, if he just offered her more, if he was just clearer about his devotion--

"if we just showed her the contents of our heart, she'd be happy"

that's not to say that what The Smitten does in HEA isn't incredibly toxic for both of them-- it definitely is, and it clearly makes both the Princess and TLQ miserable. "everything she doesn't know she wants" is a bad mindset to approach a relationship with, whether that mindset is reached through controlling selfishness or a desperation to appease (and i definitely think Smitten is motivated by the latter-- it's no coincidence that we arrive at HEA through a literal and fatal act of self mutilation)

he's definitely the antagonist of HEA, in that he is what TLQ and the Princess and the player need to overcome, but he's not a VILLAIN (which i think is most clearly illustrated in the moment where the Princess admits she's unhappy, that she's never been happy here, and his reaction is to GIVE UP instead of lash out harder)

i never got the sense that The Smitten was ever putting any blame on The Damsel-- he always considered *himself* to be the problem-- he puppeteers TLQ just as much as he does the Princess, even if we can't hear him while she can, and he asks TLQ/the player through her "isn't this enough? isn't this what you wanted?"

which in and of itself is an unhealthy way to approach a relationship-- blaming oneself for every bit of conflict or lapse in synchronicity is just as harmful as laying all the blame on the other person. there IS no blame-- sometimes people disagree or have conflicting needs or desires, and that's not anybody's "fault" because that's just how people and relationships WORK.

...can you believe i wrote out all of this when my original intention was to lay out an entirely different point about a read on The Damsel/HEA routes that wasn't about relationships at all?

OKAY!

THAT GOT AWAY FROM ME LET ME START AGAIN

so i don't think that looking at The Damsel/HEA through a lens of "what does this say about relationships and expectations and respecting other people's agency" is incorrect-- clearly i have a lot of thoughts about that lens!

but i wanted to offer another one that i haven't seen yet:

The Damsel/HEA route as a commentary on what makes a satisfying narrative

if you play out The Damsel route just single-mindedly taking actions to free her-- it's kinda dull, isn't it? like-- it's not without its charms! The Smitten is silly and entertaining and the Narrator's exaggerated pettiness is very funny! but ultimately, that's about it.

potential sources of conflict are brushed aside-- if you took the blade with you, you just drop it and it gets forgotten; the Damsel's hand slips right out of the manacle with no effort or harm; when the Narrator locks the basement door, every 'choice' you make just magically unlocks it right away. and then you're outside, what you wanted to do from the start. ...so what do we do now?

nothing, actually. the chapter ends, and there is no chapter 3. the game itself continues, but that ending feels about as substantial as the Narrator's "Good Ending" where you follow his instructions without question and accomplish his goal immediately.

if you DON'T take either of the actions that lead to one of Damsel's chapter 3's, there's very little variation in The Damsel's story-- pretty much all of it comes down to slight differences in dialogue. there's no "the princess kills you" outcome. the closest thing to an alternate end to The Damsel is if you deconstruct her-- and even then, it feels like less an "alternate route" and more like-- a cheeky acknowledgement of the lack of substance, because that isn't a bug, it's a feature!

but if you introduce conflict-- either in the more direct sense by slaying The Damsel or in the more interpersonal sense by highlighting a mis-match in her and TLQ's desires-- suddenly the story opens up! there are a bunch of new possibilities and a bunch of new outcomes, and all of them are more interesting than "you achieve your goal with trivial effort, hooray!"

Even if you wind up finishing HEA on a note that is superficially very similar to the easy end of The Damsel's route-- you leave hand in hand with her, the narrator conceding defeat, and the last image of her before TSM takes her is a warm, tender smile-- it FEELS so much more like a genuine happy ending-- even though the Princess' face is still streaked and stained from her tears. BECAUSE of that.

it's one of the most heartwarming moments in the game, and one that has made me misty eyed every time i've seen it, and it's BECAUSE of the conflict you had to go through to get there.

conflict is what drives a compelling narrative, is the takeaway. it precludes PERFECT endings, perhaps, but not happy endings-- it's what makes those imperfect happy endings feel substantial and earned.

even the dinner and the board game contribute to the idea-- the description of the food is some really lovely writing, to the point where i sat through and listened to it all again even though i knew nothing really happens during it-- but *nothing really happens during it*. it doesn't move the narrative forward-- you're just as hungry as you were when you started. it just stalls the story in place, and every time you go through it again it's less satisfying until it's outright unpleasant. the description of the meal also notably gets simpler each time, and less detailed-- there's only so much that you can say about it before you run out of things to describe.

the board game is similar-- the way that it's described the first time you play even sounds like the description of an exciting story! and then the board resets, and you do it all again just the same. and so on. the game/story stops being exciting and the wins or losses stop feeling like they mean anything-- because is conflict really conflict, is a challenge really a challenge, if you're always tracing the same path, always making moves where you already know the outcome? it becomes "a slog towards the end"

and this is how i tie the idea of "what Damsel/HEA has to say about relationships" and "what Damsel/HEA has to say about narratives" together:

ultimately, the statements can be summarized the same way "whether in a narrative or a relationship, 'perfection' is unattainable, but you wouldn't actually want it anyway"

conflict, substance, variety

in a relationship there will always be differences of opinion, differing goals etc-- variety between the members of the relationship, knowing and sharing this substantial and non-superficial information about one another, navigating the resultant conflict-- that's what allows the relationship to grow and deepen, and what allows the people in it to grow as individuals as well.

in a narrative, or in Narratives, as a whole, conflict is what makes things HAPPEN, substance makes them feel like what happens MATTERS, like something is being communicated, variety means that you're learning or considering something new-- and those are what make a narrative capable of impacting a person, of changing them, of being remembered

[azen13]

CW: Yandere Themes,

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Just a quick thought: Yandere!Sunday who is a galactic pop superstar.

He sees you at one of his concerts during a slower song when he looks up from the piano keys, floating in a sea of faces. Instantly you stand out to him. There's something chimerical in this moment, he thinks.

When he finishes up the set, quickly moving backstage to prepare for the next set, he makes a decision: he has to know more.

You get invited backstage after the concert, truly a dream. He sits on a plush light grey sofa, calmly smiling at you as he does to all his fans, but his golden eyes glitter and swirl with unreadable emotions. You've intrigued him.

Every moment that passes after this meeting seems to topple over like dominoes placed by a steady and swift hand. Invites to secret sessions turn into tickets offered over social media. Slowly, Sunday pulls you into his world, makes you his greatest muse. When the songs on his latest album are picked apart, atom by atom, the analysts surmise that there must be someone. And when Sunday responds to these allegations at a concert with a sly smile and a glint in his eyes, his fanbase erupts, demanding to know more.

But they will know nothing, Sunday thinks as he walks backstage, taking off his mic and his opulent outfit. He returns to his hotel room that evening to see you, safe and sound, your breathtaking eyes still painted in strange shades and hues from when he sung songs meant just for you.

He asks you if you would like to go to Penacony with him to watch him sing in the Charmony Festival, and you reply with bright eyes and a smile on your face.

One day very soon, Sunday will sing a song that will send the entire universe into an eternal dream. But in this moment, your beautiful, foolish mind completely ensnared by his siren-like voice, he feels like he is dreaming.

[dredgenbane]

been having major artblock lately, so i decided to redraw my old KIY thing and attempt to make it more coherent this time (lol)

[realtapiocafan]

The way people talk about black NFL players always has me side eying 😭😭😭 some of the comments I’ve seen about Ja’marr today have been crazy

Ok, incoming rant. Please do not read if you're uncomfortable with discussions of racism

Wow, I was just looking in the insta comments of ja'marr signing shit for fans and omfg, i couldn't believe my eyes. 'Show a little excitement' 'look like you care a lil' 'don't look away while you're shaking someone's hand' well what if i shake in RAGE. like he stopped and signed the jersey and he took a picture, what. 'smile' GIRL THE CAMERA ISN'T EVEN POINTED AT HIM. and like you compare that shit to joe signing shit yesterday (in which joe didn't smile either) and it's all 'oh thats my qb' 'making a diff in the young generation' 'so compassionate'. The sheer difference in perception is just... 💔

The thing is: there's a lot of racism in the NFL.

Like, just as a whole, we're watching a predominately black population fight each other for our entertainment. Yes, NFL athletes get paid, but for the longest time, the main argument for NIL was that colleges were benefitting from the free 'labor' of student-athletes, who were basically putting their bodies and futures on the line (it's been proven you can get CTE from even youth football which. yikes).

The most prominent example, and the one that the media probably talks about the most, is coaches. Don't get me wrong, the NFL has gotten a hell lot better with coaches. Like a couple of years, there was just one black head coach (which is another rant bc the racial makeup of the league was even more skewed in past years), and this year there was nine. So it's... progress? The thing is: I get the Rooney rule, I do. But interviewing for a job that you know you aren't getting... I don't know. Considering someone for an interview and considering someone for a job are two entirely different things. I don't know how to fix it, it's kind of a microcosm of the whole DEI debate. On one hand, African Americans are at a historical and thereby structural disadvantage, but teams are still gonna hire who they think is best (and surely it's just a coincidence that 'who they think is best' is white). Black coaches can't just be as good as their white peers - to get hired, they have to be better.

And there's just a lot of casual racism. There's a common myth that black athletes tend to be faster. No one likes to acknowledge it, but it's basically entrenched into our society. And that myth permeates through the NFL and football in general. We see it in the different racial makeup of positions, in the 'two-way' threat of black qbs, in how replaceable rbs are seen as, in how wrs are seen as 'prima donnas' and 'divas'.

There's a reason why you never see black centers and we're only recently seeing black qbs. Those are the 'thinking' positions, the leadership positions, arguably the most important positions. And there's a reason why so many WRs and corners are black. Those are the 'athletic' positions. (There's also the fact that wide receivers and corners are positions far more prone to injury than qbs or centers or kickers but that deserves its own rant).

In large part, the racial segregation can be traced to youth/college football, where black players are predominately pushed to the athletic positions. Black players are perfectly able to play qb thank you very much -it's that their coaches and agents and whoever switch them to WR or corner, because of the perceived 'better athleticism'. That's the casual racism I'm referring to, the generalization just based on skin color.

There are so many stories about how people were trying to convince Lamar to become a RB -and that's still a common insult for Lamar ('oh he's just a glorified RB'). And that's basically reducing Lamar to just his athleticism (aka his 'natural talents'), completely ignoring the FACT that he's an elite passer. Like fuck right off with the 'he's not intelligent enough to pass' argument (which some people still say). The discourse around black quarterbacks, as a whole, is still very much centered on 'oh it's just their athleticism', always praising their 'two-way threat' and that just. Ugh.

And also running backs! The current devaluation of running backs, considering that most rbs are black... there's something disturbing about just how much of the discourse around rbs is centered around how easily they can be replaced. How they're seen as commodities and things, rather than people. This can be extended to all players, because of how profit-oriented the NFL is, but it's especially applicable to rbs and the fact that most rbs are black, cannot be ignored.

Back to WRs. The media loves to just toss the label of 'diva' on wide receivers. And like those hand-wavy comments, 'oh that's just the diva gene'... Again. Most WRs are black. And simply calling them dramatic for no reason, just based on their position ... it makes me very uncomfortable. Racism isn't about calling people slurs, it's stereotyping a whole group of people. You can say that it might not be a harmful stereotype, but is accusing black people of needlessly throwing tantrums, really harmless? Especially in this case, there's a long very painful history of accusing black people of overreacting. So when people call Ja'Marr a diva for wanting to be paid his worth, yea, I do think there's racism there. It's not overreacting to want to get what you deserve and the discussions that he should accept less than what he's worth, just because the (white) front office was too stupid -god, it makes me furious.

[sicklyworm]

My head is too full of sickness induced brain fog to say anything smart rn so...

Some interesting quotes from the forth book extras (English translation pages 216-217):

"At the beginning, it was purely to vent, and he wrote whatever and however he wanted. Though the stories were unbearably shitty, and even struggled to get monetized, he did manage to get good reviews from a niche crowd."

"The more he wrote, the more of a shut-in he became, and the more of a shut-in he became, the more he wrote. As a classic worthless otaku, the people with whom he had the best relationships and got along with most were all on the internet, oceans and seas apart. He basically didn’t have any friends like Mobei-Jun, and it would likely be very hard to find any again in the future.

Wait.

Mobei-Jun? A friend?

Since when had he started seeing Mobei-Jun as a ���friend”?!"

Points of interest:

He started canonically started out as a emotional outlit for his struggles in life but then capitalism came knocking on historic and his creative outlet turned into what I would consider worse then a nine to five.

As he has no work-life balance whatsoever in ether life.

His life style became objectively less healthy as he became a shut in inorder to write enough PIDW to pay for his living expenses. It seems on some level he very much dislikes being a shut-in considering his worthless otaku comment but, yk, gotta do what you gotta do.

He, canonically, had close online friends. Wich is not only really endearing and relatable to a lot of readers but also amazing fanfiction material.

Discord AU on my dashboard due yesterday. Please and thank you.

Also his panicking about even thinking about MBJ as a.... Friend. Is silly and goofy and I love him.

So, conclusion,

I'm very sleepy

and very ill

and I very much need to put SQH I a blender with a bunch of rocks.

[relicsongmel]

Something I've always found fascinating about Raymond Shields is that despite seemingly having altruistic reasons for being a defense attorney, his reasons for trying to convince Miles to be one are anything but.

It seems understandable enough on the surface. After Ray comes around and agrees to work with Miles in The Imprisoned Turnabout, he sees remnants of Gregory shining through him despite von Karma's influence. Whether or not he recognizes that Miles' decision to become a prosecutor wasn't just born from that alone—that it was in tandem with wanting to distance himself from anything that reminded him of his father to alleviate the burden on his heart—is up for debate, but regardless: he acknowledges Miles as Gregory's son through and through and wants to capitalize on his dedication for pursuing justice in a way that he knows would make his father proud. He wants to let Miles in on the life he was robbed of at 9 years old—the life he once dreamed of living, where he follows in the footsteps of his father by giving everything he has to save people, by fighting like hell for the vulnerable and the condemned.

That said, as much as Ray dresses up his proposition by making it out to be as if he's looking out for Miles' best interests (and the best interests of society, even)...his motives for trying to get Miles to switch sides are almost entirely selfish. Ray's efforts (and most of his actions in general, really) are ultimately a product of his desperate attempt to cling on to anything related to Gregory out of an inability to move on from his death. Wearing his hat and coat, leaving the name of his office unchanged...and now, requesting that his son literally change jobs just because he can't bear the weight of his own loneliness anymore. Because he can't bear to think that the damage done by DL-6 is irreversible and Miles has moved on while he has stagnated for the past 17 years. Because he has an idealized vision of what he thinks Gregory would want and fails to realize that his son's occupation wouldn't matter to him as long as it brings him happiness and fulfillment. In his mind, letting Miles go means accepting the circumstances that brought him where he is and allowing both of them to move on. And that terrifies him.

It's even more deceitful when you realize that Ray's pitch comes at a very opportune time for Miles given his circumstances at that point: that is, he's under threat of investigation for prosecutorial misconduct and at risk of being stripped of his badge. Ray might fake incompetence, but he's not stupid—and he takes full advantage of Justine's warnings to try to sway Miles when he's in a more vulnerable position in terms of his job. Which is...pretty fucked up, to put it lightly. Despite having a better idea of where he came from compared to most people, through this Ray shows a lack of understanding of who Miles truly is and a lack of respect for what he's come to value, even if his path toward obtaining those values had some bumps along the road. But he's so blinded by his grief that he doesn't even stop to consider how much he's really asking of him, or what Miles is really searching for.

Ray was moved by Gregory. He values saving people. Defending the weak is an undeniably noble endeavor. But to ask that of someone else without consideration for their best interests is decidedly less so.

For all his occupation requires a certain selflessness, Raymond Shields is far more selfish than he lets on. And I for one find that contradiction fascinating to unpack.

[frankiebirds]

reid's reaction when emily says "we missed your birthday" is so fucking. agh.

he nods and smiles and then very quickly looks down.

TIME TO READ INTO IT WHOOOOO:

when they missed his birthday, he was like. "eh. it's fine. i'm thirty now, i don't need my friends to throw me a party. i'm an adult, i'm not upset about it."

especially because i'm sure reid didn't have a lot of awesome birthdays pre-series. i always got the impression he was mostly friendless until he joined the team, with ethan as the only exception (and in my heart they met and became friends in college, despite canon suggesting it was as young children). diana loved him and i'm sure she would have been lovely on his birthday, but i doubt she always remembered it (in the flashback to william leaving in 2x15 she doesn't know what day it is—i think it's very plausible that could happen on at least some of his birthdays) and if she did, she might not have been in the right headspace to celebrate it like she wanted.

(and even if she remembered and she was doing well, i really struggle to see any version of diana and spencer post-william leaving who wouldn't have had serious financial issues)

and then after spencer moves diana into assisted living (possibly on his birthday or at least close to it) he's mostly alone until he meets gideon. (again, except for ethan)

so, in summary: pre-bau spencer's birthdays were probably infrequently celebrated, and when they were celebrated, they were probably a lot less of a Big Deal than other peoples' were, for various reasons. so spencer spends about a decade growing used to not celebrating his birthday, then joins the bau and spends about a decade getting used to celebrating it, and then...they forget. not only do they forget, they forget the big three-oh.

so he tells himself not only that he's too old now to care about his birthday, but he spent so long not celebrating it anyway, and he's fine. it's fine.

and then emily finds out. and it's not fine. and he is upset about it.

[pencileraser1]

things i noticed/thoughts about most recent rewatches of dps (plus laserdisk deleted scenes):

whenever theres a group scene i've started watching the characters that the story isn't focusing on to see what they do and i've been having a fun time with that. pitts and cameron specifically seem to almost always be doing something interesting in the background.

hopkins!!!! my favorite minor character who somehow got character development despite having like 2 lines!!!! the last guy to stand on the desk but he did it!!!

sometimes i do like to think about what the rest of the students thought about the dead poets society, esp in alternate timeline neil lives dps keeps meeting universe. like yeah theres this guy in their class whose one of the most credited students in the school and we think he maybe started a cult. idk though. but that group runs out into the woods every few days to do god knows what and one of them keeps talking about "dead poets honor" whatever that means and holy shit welton star student neil perry started a cult.

i watched the movie with headphones. and maybe it's because ive seen this movie Far too many times and mabe i'm listening too hard but it was Really obvious sometimes when audio was added in post production. llke in the sweaty toothed madman scene when you can hear laughing and to be fair the camera is behind their heads. but it does Not look like anyone's laughing. my favorite is at the end of the phone call to chris scene where knox is like i'm gonna seize the day!! and runs up the stairs and the poets are cheering him on and neil is sort of yelling "carpe!!!!" and i could be wrong but i'm like 75% certain that the person singing is Also rsl so now neil is just speaking two times at once somehow. anyways it didn't ruin the experience for me or anything it was maybe just a little bit funny to notice but very sorry if this did ruin anyone's viewing.

people talk a lot about how rsl and ethan hawke really made their characters what they are but i have to add dylan kussman to that list. I get the impression that older versions of the movie didn't really give as much depth to cameron and watching dylan kussmans performance is like. he Knew who his character was so fucking well and it shows!! like the deleted scene of them getting clubs assigned. like i could tell So Much about cameron from that scene

for how little she actually appeared, there is an emphasis put on the fact that neil's mom smokes pretty frequently. and i think that's interesting considering neil is one of two poets shown actively smoking. neil's mom doesn't appear for very long in the movie but during that time it definitely seems like the movie is intentionally making parallels between the two, particularly in the last argument with neil's father. neil and his mother are both sitting for almost the whole time, which contrasts with his father who is standing. they are both almost powerless in this scene. they stand up at almost the same time. anyways there's a couple different possibilities for what this could mean? that i've though of? 1. to show that neil's mother is in a similar situation to the one neil is in in regards to neil's father and 2. maybe a stretch here but the theory that neil inherited his mental illness at least partially from his mother. i'm pretty sure 1 was fully intentional on the directors part, not entirely sure about 2 though

unmanned flying desket scene: it's probably cause he and ethan wrote the scene themselves but the way rsl talks in this scene feels more like the way he talks in general than the rest of the script. like briefly neil perry is talking in rsl's voice. one of my absolute favorite scenes though the sarcastic dialogue is so good.

the light of knowledge at the first shot of the film vs. todd standing on his desk at the last shot of the film paralel

[selfchiller]

I think probably Disco Elysium is more about dualities and mirrors, exits and returns, and sides of coins than it is about triples.

But this did not stop me from losing my mind about Lely's jaw scar/the Law Jaw/what's his nuts that Rene saved in the war. I had some THEORIES.

And again I think the mirror image intended is probably Harry|Klaasje, but consider the ways in which Harry|Lely|Klaasje are the same person served up 3 ways. 3 tools set to different applications and how each is warped in its own fashion.

[companionwolf]

Relegation: The last place team in the league is eliminated and replaced with a new team.

New Kids: Incinerate the worst player on every team.

(Your votes influence our solo game of Deadball, which Wolf has homebrewed into tabletop Blaseball. Only one Decree will pass and go into effect next season. The results from this combined with results from within our system will be revealed Christmas Day.)

[oddlittlestories]

I promise I'll do a proper post about this sometime but

House was so different before the infarction, and we as a fandom don't talk about that nearly enough. His gentleness and vulnerability with Stacy (at the end of The Mistake "so what do we do now?" - in the middle of the ep with her husband). In s1e21 Three Stories, he's so gentle with Cuddy even though it was her hospital's mistake. He doesn't shout at the nurse or rail against anyone, just quietly insists on his (borderline suicidal) course of action.

Basically, the level of abrasiveness, misanthropy, etc etc that we see in the show pretty clearly (though subtly) didn't exist prior to the infarction. Is it exacerbated by the clear self-esteem issues, implied trust issues, and ofc his usual anti-authority attitude that clearly came from a lifetime of being raised by John House? Yeah.

But House could be and was vulnerable before the infarction. Sometime I'll write a post about his different life stages through the show, but tldr;

the abuse House suffered as a child was only one of the core drivers of his "walls to keep people out;" the infarction was another massive change / hit for him.

[chasedeys]

HI ME ASKING ABOUT JJKOC. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THEM AFTER THAT RAMS GAME. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 STRAIGHT UP ANGSTTTTTTTT TALKKKKKKKK goddddddddd oh but like. disclaimer lmaooo i keep saying that for all my shit but for real i wasn't really present for that game 😭 i was away for my death i fear so like. i know bits and pieces of that game by which i mean i saw koc mad and jj fucking. devastated. and like. ashen faced. and like. that pr perfect face locker room interview. and answers im assuming lmao truly suchhhh a fascinating man the way he alwayssss has the perfect answer on hand!! was he built this way brick by brick coming into the league lol how has ja'marr differed so loudly from him in this aspect when they're so similar in so many other aspects ANYWAYS MORE UNDER THE CUT 😭 warning mentions of joemarr because of-fucking-course.....

but for real that rams game that i didn’t compute at all bc i was off tumblr and like. came back and was flabbergasted. holy shittttttt. justins face (beautiful. haunting.)…….koc spitting mad (hot. compelling.)……….oh my god…………....

but like. okay. so im like. not that good at angst tbh LMAOOO im more of a crack and joke kind of shitpost feel-good writer i fear but i will delve deeper into Comfort Dynamics!!

the thing is to meeee the way i seee itttttt ->

koc is soooo soft. he's such a?? good coach???? a players-coach is the word people use i think? you can see how much he cares so fucking deeply for his players not just like. as an athlete he has to move around as chess pieces on a board or players on a field but like. as a person. wait sorry i gotta mention this lol i've sent you this when we were like. comparing the vikes and lions game as like a basically who loves their coach more game LMAOOOO (also can i just say. it's objectively fucking hilarious. that dan campbell said. see you next week. to koc. and um. um. um. BUT ANYWAYS.) but do you know depaola has like a mug of my coach is hotter than your coach aksaskfl THAT'S SO???? (justin and harri also have a hawk statue?? with patched up holes these men are so. just. god why are they like this akfaklsf) BUT LIKE you can seeeeee you know that he loves them and they love him and they're comfortable with him!! that's speciallllll arhrgrhrghh soooo happy he's extending lmao BUT TO THE JJKOC OF IT ALL SORRY got distracted by ko's insane charisma lmao

koc's soooo soft, he has sooo much fun teasing his players and them teasing him back, and justin is no exception!!! seeking him out and throwing at him and needling at him and justin doing his nasal ass laugh delightedly whenever ko gets within even 30 yards of his vision and needling him right backkkk they have so much funnn teasing each other its so!!!! cute to me!!!!!!!

like. that's comfort!! that's a nice ass basis to have for a relationship!!!! something to look forward to when you know you're getting to a shitty ass situation and you know you're in the last quarter it's the last 3 minutes and your quarterback (sam....im also so sad about sam btw.....that clip of sam hoisted to the air and ko looking fondly at his team and then. flash forward to their last game. wow.) just threw another fucking pick (i have no idea how the game went btw lmao just that it was um. shit. and sam was um. shit.) because he's throwing to the ghosts of his teammates past apparently who the fuck knows and this is the nth time of your fucking life that you're falling short in the post-season and you're looking to your left and it's your coach and his face is rigid and he's staring at you evenly but he can't keep looking at you he has to be at 5 places at once and you close your eyes and all you can see is darkness but you're the face of the franchise the star of the game there's nothing dark about you not since 20 fucking 19 the stadium lights pulsing into the back of your eyelids as the crowd roars disjointedly pounds your eardrums making you sway and stutter and feel like you're disappearing and reappearing in and out of reality but if you just dig deep you can imagine him—him—pressing his cold fingers into your bicep during winter practice making you yelp in affront and imagine looking up and seeing him laughing at you crinkly eyed and rosy cheeked and so fucking handsome it makes your heart clench up and you hope he doesn't see the way it's leaping forward right at him and he's saying to do your stretches i get you're 20-something but come on now and with that you're shrinking back to reality but you keep that minute paradox of cold-warmth loud-quiet crowded-alone memory to center yourself so you won't break down into tears to be caught in front of all those 4k cameras waiting to capture their next 30 second viral clip to burn over and over and over until you're nothing but just a typed out what a waste of talent there in the vikings get justin jefferson out of there in every single social media account you aren't even really a part of but can't get out of because you have a record breaking contract saying you have to have them. you look to the left and he's gone but the memory of him is etched in you so deep it's enough. you sit on your bench and wait for another chance to fight and it might not be enough but knowing that he's there is enough for you for anything. your hands are so fucking cold but at least that minute warmth isn't just a minute, not really. wow. not rereading all that <3 hope there isn't a typo or grammar error and it makes sense <3 and like not disgustingly corny wow should i reread it.. no ok wow no. BUT ANYWAYS.

justin simultaneously looks like he wants to break down into tears and like he wants to pick a fucking fight. something like ja’marr lmao augh love me a good justin ja’marr parallels why is that i think like. they’re both so good at picking fights and shit at letting people be kind to them. (well no. i think like. justin's better at knowing who he can pick fights with and who he can't. and keeping people away via spinning words and poof they're gone with literally zero trouble. while ja'marr's better at ignoring people because he cares very little for those who aren't really up to his standards whatever the fuck that is. but well that leads to not so good things. but yeah very good at picking fights when they really want to lmao.) and so confused at people wanting to be soft with them. at people choosing to not be like high strung competitive and sharp the way they usually are with each other (which they love and appreciate about each other, btw)!! (see: tee with ja’marr! joe pursuing ja’marr with like. a way that he isn’t used to. a devotion he isn’t used to being on the receiving end. MOREEE ABT THIS IN THE ENDDD which is so very typical sorry).

like justin is not used to. like wait okay so. you see ko poking fun at him!! teasing smiles pokey and jokes and jabs and sharp at times knows when to make it pointy but knows boundaries and that’s the kind of thing he’s used to! that’s the bro ish friendship he’s used to in lsu etc etc competition with ja’marr being a receiver under joe etc etc butttt. kos also so good at like. soothing him. he’s good at picking him apart. being soft with him. when justins needling at him trying to get a rise kos being indulging and when justins purposefully trying to get him angry at him he’s intuitive and gets justin to settle down and breathe. gets him to unclench his jaw lower his spikes soften his brow unsharpen his tiger claws he still wields even if he isn’t a tiger in name anymore and the first time ko ever does this justin runs away spooked new coach what the hell is he doing. i think justin didn't have the best experience with his previous coaches too? not sure abt this lmao but like. koc is definitely a wholeeee ass upgrade im sure. and that’s so. he’s intrigued. he’s charmed. kos always offering him a handsome smile. a warm hand on his shoulder on his bicep on his hip. a little how many times do i have to tell you to stretch i get you’re young but come on now. a little hey made some cinnamon rolls yesterday you want some? c’mon now you’re fit you don’t need any diet grab three i got you. here you look cold wear my jacket keep it it looks good on you. clicking his tongue applying antiseptic on his turf burn and pressing bandages over it even when justin laughs over his mothering tendencies. that overly long ass explanation of his mic'ed up moment too btw that shit was so. why the hellllllllllll did he go on such a long tangent just saying shit about his 'world class relationship' with justin just to say he was mic'ed up while pretty princess justin jefferson laid there all pretty and proper trying to stretch oh my god. ko you are so....and justin you are so......

but anyways. post game. silent. bus ride. plane. vikings stadium? im assuming? restless. justin fucking struggling but he's always been picture perfect. he's already said his peace with sam, who's clearly haunted (i truly do not know what to say about sam 😭. like....girl.......also question is like jj mccarthy playing next year lol. will sam like. return...he's also in the probowl right. which. wow.) and koc finally has a chance to lock in justin jefferson who has been avoiding him for some reason. clearlyyyy this man knows that ko is the person who would. understand him most. who would. pick apart his bullshit pr perfect exterior. then pick apart his next layer of spikes and snarls and a whole other set of perfect words to be said to instigate a fight. always knowing exactly what to fucking say. justin jefferson. is his major communications lmao what the hell made him to be this way i am sooooo. and so koc has his hands all up around the sides of his neck even when jj is snarling at him to shut the fuck up who the fuck does he think he is acting like justin is some kind of child to tend over he's an adult he doesn't need to be coddled over a loss this isn't some high school rusted consolation trophy—and koc has his head ducked down to press over justin's forehead, shushing him, telling him he's so fucking proud of him this season, telling him he's one of a fucking kind, that he's never been so amazed at a player before, that he's never had the pleasure of coaching someone so talented before, that he wished he played with someone like justin��with justin, that he was justin's quarterback, if he was even worthy of him, that he'd do just about anything to get justin a fucking ring, and justin's breaking into tears at the press of skin, at the spill of words, at the sincerest of voice, at the way this man believes in him like no other before, at the way that even with the loss he knows that it never really is one because he has it with him, with koc, so whatever the outcome is—it's okay. god that's corny as shit im so sorry but anyways they kiss. salty as hell because justin's crying all those pent up tears. and ko's kissing up his wet cheeks over his lids pressing down on his cheekbones telling him he's so pretty even when he cries but hey isn't his head hurting why doesn't he let up and show him his pretty smile instead so ko can also get to some healing of his own and justin starts beating at his stomach smiling through his tears complaining thats so fucking cheesy oh my god did he just imply justins smile heals him shut the fuck uppppp. they don't fuck? maybe they fuck who knows. they're exhausted thoughhhhh so maybe they fuck like. the day after 😭

ALSO. IT'S SO. all of justins faces of like. him staring besotted heart eyes at koc is so. wait no i'll talk abt this in the other ask lmao BUT LIKE this is truly insane to me....the hell is wrong with him.......girl the fuck.........and i think like. koc has this man looking at him like this and has him. pupils dilating like crazy....

(a little joemarr off tangent lol boy jjmarr parallels sorry they’re like. twin flames. to me. joes like this to ja’marr too but not exactly? joe isn’t soft per see. he’s so fucking pushy he’s an entitled brat to ja’marr's space at times and that’s the thing that draws ja’marr to him because ja’marr has never once had someone be that into him. be that interested in him as a person not just as an athlete or as a warm body. joe wants all of him and that makes him cave. joes isn’t naturally soft but he’s learning how to be because its ja’marr—it makes him want to be and that fucks ja’marr upppp looking at this man being this way about himmmm is it really a wonder that ja’marrs a bit well a lot lmao crazy about him right back. aauguhgu corny asssss but whatever we move on i have to. go 😭)

also. if i had even a reach of understanding of the vikings rosters personality the way i do the bengals. how is that like oh my god i fucking adore the bengals i could write fucking pages of their stupidity and like. characters and personality??? like i get them?? sort of. obviously surface stuff what they show and what not but like. i can't do it about the other team rosters???? pisses me off. why is that. i watch their shit too. sort of lmao. i think bengals are just. truly my beloved 😭

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

i see a lot of opinions around, about death, and why she didn't intervene in dream's imprisonment

and i think a lot of people have trouble reconciling the idea that she does care about him, with the fact that she didn't do anything?

so then you get the theories that she couldn't have saved him (as if burgess was ever a match for the endless, he only got dream because dream was still recovering from burning out 99% of his power in overture), or that she was stuck by the rules of the endless not interfering with each other (that's a whole other convoluted discussion topic)

but i feel like these theories all kinda. misread, who death is. or rather, they sort of assume she's a human being with the same mentality as a human, and not the literal personification of death

of course she cares about her brother. and of course she technically had the power to intervene. but think about her existence. think about the way in which she knows everyone, the life she's lived for billions of years, and the life she knows she'll live until she's the last consciousness left in the universe

she's an inherently passive entity, she has to be. because her entire purpose is to stand there for the end of every life in existence, often horrific and violent and unfair ones, and to tell them that's just the way of things. to ensure that that fate does indeed come to pass. she knows how everyone is going to die and she just has to keep talking to them like she doesn't

when she was younger, it was different. granted, she refused to help dream then too, because (at least according to dream) all the endless were incredibly prideful when they were young, and wouldn't even have tried to help each other. but also, we have her word that at one point her job got overwhelming. the fact that she had to stand by and watch so much tragedy, to ensure it happened, really got to her. and for a while, she stopped. one of the few times if not the only time she has ever made a strong decision in the face of fate - she stopped collecting souls. and that turned out much worse. in order to exist as herself, she had to find a way to not only be okay with who she is, but find meaning in it. the person who would get involved, who would stand up against unfairness, that person cannot be death of the endless

and think about death as a concept, for a sec, not just as a person. death is patient. death will come for everyone in time, but time is meaningless to it. i like this panel, from endless nights, for connecting that with death the person, because she is always there and always waiting (in this story she waits here for anywhere between 10 and 200 years, depending on how you look at it. and she explains in this story that time doesn't really work the same to her as it does to everyone else. time is her father, after all. she can wait. she will always wait.)

even when she takes human form, like we see in high cost of living, she is the epitome of go with the flow. she just follows where the universe takes her, doesn't try to change anything, just lets her curiosity and love for humanity put her in whatever situation fate decided she should be. and fate (whether that's her brother, the fates, or something else entirely) does play some role in it, because her human form was created with $10.02 in her pocket, which is the exact amount of money she ended up needing to spend that day. and she trusts that she won't need more than that, no matter how many questions are thrown at her about it

which is not an inherently bad thing! because living in the moment means she is so much more alive than her siblings, it gives her the ability to offer so much more empathy towards the mortals she has to spend most of her time with, it makes her in many ways a wonderful person. she's just, not a person of action

death doesn't show she cares by stopping the bad things from happening to you. she shows she cares by being there for you after. by having the patience, despite her busy job, to sit and chat with every single person who's ever lived, and to comfort them in the best way she knows how

which is exactly what she did

[chickenstrangers]

Not Me: It's About Earrings

Earrings in Not Me represent identity and transformation. The scene where Black takes back his earrings is one of my favorite scenes of the show (ignoring the continuity editing errors where Black puts in one earring like 4 times). I made this set a while ago but I still have thoughts about Not Me that I want to write down.

The earrings are a marker of identity, and a way to recognize that identity, not only with White's earrings (or Black's, as the case may be) but Sean's as well.

White's transformation process highlights the earrings. He physically alters his body in multiple ways in order to become like Black. The most permanent alteration is of course the tattoo, but the earrings are also important, especially in their lack of permanency. We see the piercing, the grimace on White's face, the discomfort of having to take on this new identity.

When White is living a double life, going between the gang and dinner with his father, we see him taking out the earrings himself, shedding Black's identity. This time it is voluntary, White can separate these two sides of himself, because he has not fully become someone else yet. It is still an act.

But the earrings are not just about White and Black, they also play an important role in Sean and White's relationship. When Sean tells White about his dad, White reaches out to him, to comfort him, and starts gently playing with Sean's earring. This is the first time, really, that White is seeing Sean, the culmination of the flag scene. Seeing who Sean is, the soft vulnerable core of him that he tries to protect with brashness and animosity. Then there is the tent scene. And at this point it doesn't matter who White is pretending to be, and Sean has started to suspect something has changed. What matters is who White really is.

And right as White has begun to settle into this new identity, one that is not just a copy of the one he stole from Black, when he's realizing how he has himself been transformed by these experiences, Black wakes up and takes everything back.

The tattoo is permanent, it will stay on White's skin forever unless he gets it removed, but then it might still scar or leave something behind. It shows the lengths he went to to become his twin. But while White was pretending, he himself changed significantly, his worldview, his goals, his community. While the tattoos and earrings and contacts are a disguise, they are also a part of the person he has become. The tattoo is something that Black cannot take from White, it is etched in his skin. But he can take the earrings.

White looks so incredibly forlorn during the conversation with Black. Especially once Black takes out the earrings, he seems naked without them. He looks so young, like a kid playing dress up but now the costume is off.

Black's movements are detached, uncaring, calm, but it feels as if he's ripping out the earrings, taking back his identity by force. And of course White does not stop him. Cannot stop him. That was not his identity to start with. He was borrowing it, and so the return was inevitable. Black takes out the earrings and immediately puts them in his own ears.

But the meaning of the earrings has changed. Unlike the tattoo, which is a copy, a recreation, the earrings are material, they are Black's earrings. But they're not just Black's anymore. White is different than he was before, and now, bereft of the earrings, he must grapple with who he is now.

Thanks to @ranchthoughts and our regular discussions on this subject.

[dawn-sunlight]

I want to talk about these two for a second, specifically my thoughts about how they were after Scar's backstabbing of the hyenas

On the one hand, there's Janja. He knows Scar tried to burn him and his hyena clan, not even for actual betrayal, just for Janja THINKING about whether to join Jasiri. Something he'd actively tried to keep from his clan. And they're the ones that got caught in the trap while he escaped. If the Guard hadn't figured out a way to escape the lair, Scar would have failed to kill the one actually having traitorous thoughts but succeeded in killing his clan who had no idea of any of this. His clan would have paid for his "mistake". And this probably haunts Janja. And I see Janja as someone who takes loyalty very seriously(I disregard Janja's New Crew entirely because pretty much nothing in that episode makes any sense with what we've seen in pretty much every other episode), which was one of the reasons he was having such a hard time choosing a side. He couldn't just backstab Scar like that. After all, Scar actually cared about them, he was actually trying to help them which was more than anyone else had tried to do for them. So when Scar told Janja that Kion was powerful enough to destroy him, Janja felt incredibly bad for seriously considering switching sides just that morning. Scar could be destroyed and he was over here thinking of backstabbing him. So he decided not to do it. And then Scar double crossed him. In addition, if Janja defected to Jasiri's side, it would screw over the rest of Scar's army, and he might bicker and fight with them and partake in power squabbles among them but he was still loyal and couldn't bring himself to do that to the army. And after Scar tries to burn him and his clan, he no longer can say whether the rest of the army would give him that courtesy. He doesn't know whether Scar consulted the rest of them, or how much they know about what happened. He's sure the skinks and Ushari knew. Scar always told them everything. And at the end of the day he wasn't too surprised even if the betrayal still stung(because they had still been teammates at the end of the day); they had never had a good relationship. But the other three leaders? Sure, Kiburi and him had a strained relationship, but they had fought together in the army since pretty much the beginning. Reirei and him always fought in petty squabbles, but they'd also had each other's backs when it counted. And Mzingo? The thought that he had been in on it was what really hurt, because Janja could at least understand it if the other two had known. He couldn't do that with Mzingo. So he needed to know.

On the other hand, there's Mzingo. Scar had only told him that they would burn the royal family and the Guard, and that Janja and his clan would make sure the Guard was in the right place for the plan to work. And after Janja defected, Scar told the army that Janja had betrayed them by allying with Jasiri and, by association, the Pridelanders. When Janja asked him if he had known about the murder attempt, if Mzingo had been in on the plan, Mzingo was horrified. He hadn't known Janja had been backstabbed like that. That the fire he'd been told to drop on Pride Rock, that he'd been told was for the royal family and the Lion Guard, was also for the hyena he saw as his son. He hadn't known, and to make matters worse, he had believed Scar when Scar painted Janja as the one who was the backstabber. And Mzingo feels so incredibly guilty because he should have realized something was up, that Janja must have had a reason for joining up with the Pridelanders, but he believed Scar instead, who almost succeeded in having Janja killed.

[bigfuns-stuff]

Alright so, remember in season 2 of Good Omens when Aziraphale changes the Bentley to yellow and Crowley being really against it? Normally, Crowley lets Aziraphale get away with everything and he really only puts his foot down about heaven. Here comes my stupid fan theory: the Bentley is sentient and is an extension of Crowley right? So what if, the angel changing the outward appearance of the Bentley is almost like becoming “angel Crowley” (because azi says to come back and be angels) and in his subconscious, the thin dark duke picks up on this (completely unrelated and innocent expression of love, since it’s the colour of his eyes) and sees it as him needing to shed his former angel identity. (Yellow) into the black “demon” colour. The Bentley could be seen as a symbol of his religious trauma from this angle. It’s just my really silly HC tho. It doesn’t make much sense but I like it.